#in retrospect I think I was too hard on S4 tbh

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

How I feel watching the Elimetri fandom empty out after S5 </3

People need to get over this phase of abandoning fandoms so fast. There are 70 year old women still into Spirk and you people can’t hold onto a man for a month. Shape up and stop abandoning your gently used blorbos in wet cardboard boxes on the side of the highway after a week

[amazonpoodle]

all right it’s my turn to express my feelings about the magicians finale

what had happened was, the week of the finale was NOT A GOOD WEEK for me to watch something that would upset me that much, so on the recommendation of multiple friends i had people spoil me for the episode, for mental health reasons. i’ve read a bunch of meta and yelled in public and in private, and finally actually watched the episode this past saturday.

in conclusion, i think the thing that plain frustrates me the most is that THERE WERE GOOD BITS! there were really interesting lovely bits! which were almost completely mangled by the egregiously bad bits!

i don’t know if i have anything to say that you haven’t already read or heard from other people who are more active in the fandom, possibly more eloquent, and probably used capital letters, but here we are!!! oh well!!! 

okay first i don’t even know what the fuck to say about julia. every! single! season! so far! has involved depriving her of a REALLY MAJOR CHOICE about her life or her magic or her autonomy or her fucking BODY like! what! why! 

i am not clear on why we couldn’t just WAKE HER UP and ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTED, so like -- if the show explained that they didn’t explain it well enough, and if they didn’t FUCK THEM tbh.

second, one of my most significant grievances with the show as a whole is I DON’T CARE ABOUT JOSH HOBERMAN. i don’t!!! care!!! to me he is everything i hated about dawn summers and jonathan levinson COMBINED into one boring gary stu, like. what the fuck is josh/margo? why am i HERE? sure, people of disparate hotnesses can hook up and fall in love, but i know whose fantasy josh/margo is and it’s for sure not margo’s. anyway, now i’m mainly just mad at JOSH THE FISH for sidelining margo in the previous episode. although her eye does just keep getting awesomer and awesomer.

now, the real meat of the thing. the death of q. i’m gonna say something, and you might not like it, and we’ll all just have to figure out how to handle that:

out of context, I’M NOT MAD ABOUT QUENTIN’S DEATH.

like... if the whole thing had been done right? if jason’s exit from the show hadn’t been a secret for no fucking reason? if time and consideration had been given to multiple quentin storylines in a way that made sense? i would be okay with how quentin died. (not what came after. i’ll get to that.)

i kind of have the feeling that all the people involved in writing q’s death were just. trying to recreate buffy’s death from the s5 finale but like, newer and shinier? and hey, i grew up in buffy fandom, the gift was DEVASTATING and beautiful and SHOCKING, i’m not mad that someone would want to create something like that!

and credit where it’s due -- the moment of quentin’s death was, imho, really, really lovely. like. understated, in the eerie quiet greyscale of the mirror world. q didn’t yell, he spoke, quietly, “minor mending” -- the subtle color of the seam within the mirror, the light healing the cobwebbed cracks in the glass, the shower of sparks, just. it was a lot. visually i thought it was incredibly moving and effective. it for sure made me cry. and i don’t know exactly what i was expecting, but. IGNORING THE STUFF THAT CAME AFTER, quentin’s death did not read, to me, as a(n excuse for) suicide or a waste. it seemed, to me, to be brave and sad and necessary. 

storywise -- and again, for now, putting a pin in the crap that came after -- quentin’s death would have been WAY! MORE! IMPACTFUL! if we’d gotten any goddamn lead-up about his discipline. it was BAD WRITING to make us wait until mid-s4 to tell us what his discipline was. it was BAD WRITING to only let us see him mend, in that particular way, one (1) model airplane and one (1) mug. like???? HELLO???? WHAT???? in a just world, the showrunners would have been laying the groundwork for q’s discipline reveal since, like, the start of s3. they should have shown him repairing things, regularly, ALL ALONG, and everybody thinking it’s no big deal. FIFTY YEARS IN FILLORY, he never had to fix a broken window or re-hang a door or darn a sock? the revelation of “repair of small objects” should have felt like an explosion of OF FUCKING COURSE. we should have been able to spend time with quentin while he came to grips with how small that felt to him, we should have gotten to see him looking for things to repair, to practice, on purpose! we should have gotten to see him attempt to mend something that was too big for him! 

and the biggest thing of all, that makes me tear the fuck up every time i think about it too hard, is that REPAIR OF SMALL OBJECTS or MINOR MENDING is honestly the most exquisite, most appropriate discipline for someone suffering from significant depression and anxiety. SPEAKING AS A PERSON WHO’S BEEN DEALING WITH DEPRESSION FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS, OKAY, dealing with mental illness is best done in small steps, with small gestures, with small requests for help. you can’t fix your entire life in one fell heroic swoop. trying to do all the things at once, perfectly, without getting messy, without dealing with little details, is a fucking TRAP. it can’t be done. that’s not how you live. you’re never DONE.

it makes 100% perfect sense that quentin coldwater, who has always wanted to be a hero, keeps learning, over and over again, that sometimes (usually!) his role is SUPPORT. to get someone else to the finish line. THE HARDEST THING IN THIS WORLD IS TO LIVE IN IT. minor!!! mending!!!

fuck.

okay.

now we address quentin AFTER his death. we stuck a pin in it, let’s take it out so we can really SCREAM, eh?

sigh. i’m not mad that quentin asked the question. “what did i do? did i finally find a way to kill myself?” like. you’ve been dealing with suicidal ideation all your life, you’re allowed to wonder, honey! that’s okay!

WHAT PISSES ME OFF IS THE ANSWER. or the non-answer. whatever. this whole thing was handled so goddamn hamfistedly, like. again -- why. also -- and perhaps this is nitpicky of me, but -- this is the office of secrets taken to the grave, right? this isn’t the time for quentin to ask questions or get answers himself, it’s time for him to answer them! to confess things he hasn’t told anybody! penny-40, i love you the best, but i feel like you’re not doing your job!

other people have said more about this than i will, more thoughtfully, but basically i thought quentin watching his own funeral was bullshit. the whole thing sucked. the only part that didn’t suck was eliot and alice holding hands. oh, and julia’s revelation afterward. why should it be more meaningful to watch people mourn you than to have people tell you, to your face, when you’re alive, that you are loved and important and interesting and life-changing?

let’s fucking avoid fantasizing how appreciated we’ll be when we’re gone, shall we? that’s really the main thing. 

i’m running out of steam, clearly. that was mostly everything. i also agree with the people who’ve said that, in retrospect, the writers thought that escape from the happy place was a story JUST about eliot, not about eliot AND QUENTIN. the writers were wrong! they didn’t know what story they were telling! but that perspective explains a LOT.

i don’t really know what i’m going to do next season. probably i’m not going to watch? i truly didn’t realize how serious my depressed bisexual disaster self had imprinted on depressed bisexual disaster quentin coldwater until. you know. they killed him. but i am interested in the fix-its -- and imho this finale (this whole season) lends itself very easily to being fixed. so i think, despite the fuckery of canon, i’m not done with the fandom.

if you’ve read this far thanks for sticking around this long??? er. that’s all.

[vimesbootstheory]

i'm gonna say "batman" and let you interpret at will

ha thank you, I appreciate the free rein. my interpretation is to do the meme twice for gotham and telltale batman. an optimistic thought says there may be interesting contrasts between the two, but probably not.

gotham

my favorite female character: barbara kean. she’s been my fave for ages but lately it has been strengthened in response to people being rude and sexist about her s4 plotline. babs is worthy of the demon’s head, fight me.my favorite male character: bruce. gotham!bruce is my favourite bruce, the inherent insecurity to his path to being a ridiculous crime-fighting furry is so much fun to see, and when he pulls off legit batman shit (like saving a family from a mugger, or evading gordon, or solving a crime), it’s exhilarating instead of mundane. my favorite book/season/etc: until quite recently I was actually a big fan of s1, but some retrospective made me see that actually, gotham has pretty consistently improved, such that s4 is my favourite.my favorite episode (if its a tv show): 2x14, “This Ball of Mud and Meanness”. the culmination of bruce finally finding and confront his parents’ killer was not only really fun to see, they also pulled it off really well with wonderful guest stars for Jeri, Matches and Cupcake – and credit to Mazouz for holding his own against the former two. Alfred is perfect, as always. as for the b plots, I love any scene with Hugo Strange.my favorite cast member: Sean Pertwee, love that dude. his enthusiasm is infectious.my favorite ship: I don’t ship much on gotham tbh. is it weird if I say batcat? whatever they’re adorable. also love barbara/tabitha, but have low expectations from them because it seems like the writers have butch/tabitha in mind for endgame, bleh.a character I’d die defending: BARbara, again, fight me. (I mean, defend in the sense of like, she is an awesome character whom I love. there are no unproblematic faves on gotham, other than lucius ofc.) also fish, fight me twice.a character I just can’t sympathize with: I mean it’s a show featuring a lot of unrepentant murderers so like… a lot of them. but proportionate to other fans’ sympathy, I’ll say jerome. there’s a weird vocal minority of jerome sympathizers that do me a concern.a character I grew to love: the character whose arc best matches this is bullock, although he’s lost me again as of s4.my anti otp: bruce/ivy. I still can’t believe anybody greenlit a scene featuring a 31-yr-old woman kissing a 16-yr-old boy.

telltale batman

my favorite female character: tiffany fox. I was so indignant when I was spoiled about lucius but if this is what gives me tiffany, I’ll take it. love her.my favorite male character: I feel like a cliche, but probably john. although I could be mistaking my investment in the narrative involving him, rather than the character himself, if that makes any sense.my favorite book/season/etc: oh season 2 for sure. I did not, for one, have to attempt season 2 four times before it took, unlike other seasons I could mention.my favorite episode (if its a tv show): not a tv show, but still works. it could just be because it’s freshest in my memory, but s2 ep5 was really great. full disclosure, have only played vigilante route.my favorite cast member: laura bailey has voiced a ton of my favourite video game characters – I’ve been enamoured since bioshock infinite, and it’s only grown while watching her in critical role. the latter is also making me very fond of travis willingham.my favorite ship: I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t really ship anything in telltale batman. I mean, I wanted to win selina’s heart obviously, but I think that mostly to feel accomplished.a character I’d die defending: I don’t really know which characters are in need of defending. maybe tiffany again, because crimes? do people criticize avesta? I’d defend her pretty hard too.a character I just can’t sympathize with: I feel like I was supposed to feel something about fries/freeze but uh. nope. WAIT I thought of a better one – fucking ALFRED. get out of my face telltale!alfred, you are surprisingly the worst.a character I grew to love: john again. it was more frequent in telltale batman to go in expecting to like someone, and grow disappointed or betrayed lol.my anti otp: uhhh man I dunno. harvey/selina I guess? lol I kept forgetting they had dated for two minutes and that was supposed to be important.

thank you for sending me this! sorry for how long it got!

[helianthus21]

Supernatural Survey

I was tagged by @starsinursa, thank you!:)

1. What season did you start watching Supernatural? I started watching in 2014, after I came across a re-run of Changelings. Before that, I’d heard of the show, but didn’t think anything of it except that the leads are pretty hot^^. Changelings got me hooked so fast though, I thought, there’s a show in which every episode is like a little horror story niice:D. This episode is still one of my faves tbh, the monster-kids were so creepy. Yeah, then I heard sth of the angel that marches into the show in S4 and I just wanted to binge to his introduction tbh:P.

2. Who was the first character you fell in love with? Dean, I’d say. At first, he was this standard macho male lead but it shone through pretty fast that there was more to it than the stereotypical action hero, like all the times he tried so desperately to keep his little family together.. it just breaks your heart, oh Dean<3

3. Who was a character that you hated at first but grew to love? hmm.. Bela? I think I grew to love her in my first rewatch, because then I learned to appreciate characters who made life hard for the boys:P (I didn’t ‘hate’ her though, that’s a little too strong..) And Crowley is a little more difficult, since I liked him at first, then totally disliked him for all the shit he pulled in S8 with Kevin and Linda and Sarah and then I liked him again.. he’s a tough one to like^^  Maybe Amara? I just hate what they did with the ‘romantic’ non-consensual bond with Dean and think she has so much more potential than what they did with her, because her arc was pretty inconsistent tbh.. In retrospect.. I probably can’t love her because I kinda have a grudge at this whole thing but I appreciate the (largely unused) potential she brought on the table..

4. Which character would you most want to be in a long-term relationship with? uhmm.. I would say Cas but I want him to date Dean so:P Jimmy? Kevin? Benny? idk I don’t really think about this kinda thing... I love the characters but I don’t imagine dating them, you know?

5. If you could go on a date with just one character, which one would you choose? One date? Dean would probably be a total gentleman;)

6. What would you do on that date? Dinner and a movie?:P And I don’t do LARPing but I bet it would be fun with Dean. Or Charlie. Or both;)

7. Which character would you most want to be like? Charlie, because she embodies an optimistic view on life, bravery and sass, the holy trinity I strive for;) Plus, my favorite Charlie quote: “I realized the only way to get away with being me is to be as indispensable as possible” - words to live by^^

8. Which character would you most want to see brought back from the dead? CHARLIE CHARLIE CHARLIE!!! And Kevin and Eileen!!! And Alicia, because her death gave me a weird sort of bitterness.. she was such a fun character with so much potential behind her and without her Max is just a depressing character to me so yeah.

9. Which character would you most like to punch? Metatron, then I’d bribe him to write a bucklemming character into the show and punch them:P

10. Who is your absolute favorite character? Cas!:D

11. Which “Big Bad” do you think was the worst? Lucifer just had the most round arc in S5

12. Which character are you most like? if you cross out the intelligence level, Kevin? Or Claire maybe? Though they’re both braver than I am^^

13. What death hit you the hardest? Charlie because it was just so dumb an unnecessary. Same to Eileen. And Kevin. Alicia with the above mentioned reason too. Bobby.

14. What season finale hit you the hardest? Season 6. It was heartbreaking but I liked the angst. If only they had done something about Cas sooner in S7..

15. What are your ten all-time favorite episodes? Changing Channels, The French Mistake, Free To Be Me And You, The End, LARP and the Real Girl, Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, Stuck in the Middle (With You), and like every episode with Cas and Charlie:D

16. What’s been your favorite season? Season 5

17. Who is your favorite angel? Castiel obviously;) then Balthazar, Gabriel, Anna

18. Who is your favorite demon? Abaddon and Crowley

19. Who’s your favorite evil character? Lucifer and Abaddon

20. Do you have any Supernatural ships? Destiel obviously, Saileen, Sam/Sarah, Sam/Lily (:P), Bobby/Ellen

21. Who’s your favorite supporting actor? Felicia, Osric, Kim, Katherine, Rob... I could go on

22. What’s your favorite quote from the show? "Then I realized there is no righteous path. Just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far easier to do their worst” - Castiel (I’m writing this from memory don’t sue me if it’s incorrect^^) “It’s a gift. You keep those” - Dean (pls stop me xD)

23. If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would you choose? I don’t really know him but I’d say John Barrowman who everyone wants for human!Impala. Because I really really wanna see Jensen’s Dean’s face when he sees his Baby is a guy:P

24. If you could write your own episode, what kind of creatures would you like to see included? Chtulu:P

25. Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with? Lisa:)

26. Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with? Sarah!! (though does it count as a hookup? They just made out.. If not, I’ll say Madison)

27. What are some of your favorite convention moments? Basically everything I’ve seen that happened at Jibcon this year. (I’m keeping this answer from @starsinursa :P)

28. If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on SPN, how would you want your character to be described? Some mix between Charlie, Alicia and Jody? Idk, a fun character that’s also damn tough and doesn’t take any shit from the boys. Also, she’d be the one saving the day pls:P (this would be AU!me though because I can’t act for the life of me and I bet I’d be generally pretty embarrassing if I’d see J2M in person:P)

29. What do you hope to see in the next season? A central arc for Cas that makes sense, makes for good character development and is fun to watch, lots of Destiel moments, maaaany recurring guest stars getting their time to shine, fan favorites resurrected and becoming recurring guest stars,... I won’t watch on anything less:P

30. - 40. If you had to choose…

Bobby or John? Bobby

Bela or Ruby? Bela

Jess or Madison? Madison

Jo or Lisa? Lisa sorry Jo Ily

Charlie or Kevin? Charlie (this is mean!! I love Kevin too he’s my son)

Balthazar or Ash? Balthazar (sassy British Angel friend pls give Cas some friends back:/)

Cas or Crowley? CAS:D

Ben or Claire? Claire

Jody or Donna? Jody

Sam or Dean? Dean, sorry Sam Ily too!

Tagging @procasdeanating, @bend-me-shape-me, @saawek, @cornerbackcastiel, @bela-talbot, @iamalwaysaslutforcoffee, @cas-essence, @soulless-puppy-dog if you guys wanna do it or anyone else who is bored:)

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 9: Strange Fandom Space

I suck at sleeping at the right times in general but especially this week so I didn’t watch 4x02 until just now and I don’t have time to write up thoughts because like...work exists tomorrow unfortunately. I’m gonna just start indiscriminately closing order lines like whatever.

Wrote this earlier though so it’s kinda long but is not proof of me staying up late to ramble on tumblr I swear. Will write some sort of reaction tomorrow. Quick quick version: I liked 4x02 a lot. I’m quite pleased.

*

Yesterday when my mother was giving me her cryptic spoiler-free review of 4x02, I realized that the only couple whose canon status I'm waiting on is Bellarke. Like the only non-canon couple I both ship, and expect to be canon, is Bellarke. Which surprised me for some reason, though I don't know why. Maybe because I low-key ship so many people? I don't know, it probably shouldn't be a shock as I'm so out of step with the show romantic-pairing wise lol.  

(This came up because she said there was a romantic development I would like, and I guessed Kabby sex scene right away. We'd just been talking about Bellarke in a way that made me aware she wasn't talking about them, so I knew it had to be a development with an established couple. I don't have any not-quite-canon ships beyond Bellarke. And other convo had already made me aware it wasn't Miller/Bryan either. Thus the choices were really narrow.)

I just often feel like I’m in a totally different place re: thoughts/feelings on couples in the show, versus like the rest of fandom. And I think part of the reason for this is that I'm very used to using fandom to fill in gaps in canon. So, when the canon is giving me a couple, and giving me everything I want out of the couple, I lose a lot of interest in them, or at least a lot of fanon interest. I start enjoying the show (or whatever) in much the way that casuals do.

This plays into a larger theory of mine that I fall into fandoms particularly for the transformative aspects and thus don't get heavily invested in shows or other pieces of media that I'm perfectly content with—that fandom participation for me is basically a form of mixed adoration and criticism.  

This means that it's hard for me to understand a lot of things in, at least, this fandom, possibly current fandom trends more generally. For example, the focus on definitive truths, which includes expanding the sources from which definitive proof is found—for example, the idea that an interview could be canon. The more you accept as canon, and the more importance you give to canon, the less room there is for debate and interpretation because certain avenues are closed off even if there's nothing in the text to close them. Or the occasionally virulent hatred people receive if they question any aspect of the show, as if being a fan of something meant you cannot criticize it. Or even the weird way that people just like latch onto a random pairing because it's there and it's canon now and there's no room for saying a canon-ship doesn't make sense because it's canon lol so like you're obviously wrong. (Guess who isn't bitter about guess which mystery pairing.) (No one's ever said this to me I'm just bitter and paranoid.)

Or, perhaps most noticeably, the intense focus on whether or not something (usually a couple) will become canon. The derision fans receive if they like something not-yet canon. The ugly debates. The defensiveness (understandable given the derision though.) And just the investment in canon status.

On the one hand, as someone who's had a lot of non-canon OTPs I dearly wanted to become canon, I do get it. When you see all this evidence that A+B should be together, of course you want to see that come to fruition. Clearly. This happens to me a lot because  I (usually) need there to be some sort of canon-basis for a relationship in general to start shipping it. Very rarely do I ship people who've never interacted in canon, for example, and most of my big ships and OTPs are ones that I think should have been canon, given the evidence/foreshadowing.

But then on the other hand it's becoming pretty clear to me that, as I said, I lose interest in a couple in rough proportion to the degree that the couple is canon. Maybe it's because I've pretty much never gotten a canon ship before that I'm only realizing this now, but apparently when a Really Obvious Ship crosses the line from almost-there to actually-there, I start tuning out of the fandom.

For example, on The 100, I have followed along neutrally with some canon ships, like Finn/Clarke or Wick/Raven. (At some point I would have said I actually shipped Wick and Raven but...IDK fandom pretty much ruined that pairing for me and given that I didn't miss Wick when he was gone, I think in retrospect I was just having the sort of reaction a casual viewer would to it: I picked up the hints the story was giving me, enjoyed when they lead exactly where they were supposed to lead, but was never so invested that I focused on the couple in fanon or felt a loss in the show when they off-screen broke up). Even Lincoln/Octavia is probably in this category, as I enjoyed their relationship on the show, but never thought too deeply about it (because you can't, or it falls apart right away lol); I enjoy/ed them as a background couple in fics but have never sought out fic that features them as the main couple. That sort of thing.

I'd say I actively ship Jasper/Maya in the sense that I'm more-than-average invested in them, but again, the narrative gave me everything I wanted from that pairing so I very rarely spend any sort of fannish energy on them.

Miller/Bryan is a canon ship I actively ship (and have even written for) but they only had a handful of scenes in S3, we barely know Bryan's personality, etc. In other words, even though they're a canon couple, the narrative isn't/wasn't giving me everything I wanted about them, so fan works fill/ed the gap.

And Kane/Abby...they were never a big ship for me but I would say I pretty actively shipped them pre-S3. Now I passively ship them. I like them, I look forward to their scenes and their relationship developing, but a lot of my excited fandom feels just disappeared when they became canon.  

Even Bellarke is a little bit like this to me, only in the sense that I think it is super obvious they are going to be canon/endgame and I so trust the narrative on that point that I have no reason to ever think about their canon/not-canon status. It'll happen eventually. I'll enjoy it. But it really doesn't matter to me if it happens next week or next month or next season. Honestly, I really don't like feeling this way. I envy people who can get excited about their imminent canon-ness or even who can debate just how imminent it is. I just have no passion about it personally.

And...everyone else I ship on this show is very clearly in the Never Going to Be Canon category.  

I think there's sorta an argument to be made that canon Raven/Clarke could have been a thing... I mean IDK canon Cl*xa happened on less build up than Raven/Clarke had in S1 so I mean reasonable people can disagree I think... but not anymore. What with the damage in their relationship, the clear disinterest in the writers in developing even the friendship aspects, and the super bright signals that Bellarke is full steam ahead at this point, I don't see any room for R/C and in fact if they did veer off in that direction I'd be confused and annoyed even though I do ship them. Every other ship of mine is like...maybe if hell freezes over lol. In some cases, making a fanon-ship of mine canon would literally involve raising the dead but tbh even when both parties are still alive it's still just about as likely. And my point is that I'm okay with that.

I don't know what the overall point of any of this is except that being in this fandom is really making me re-evaluate the whole concept of fandom to me. What I want out of it, what other people seem to want out of it, and so on. My interest in the show itself is falling so low that sometimes I cannot fathom why I'm still in the fandom—I don't think I've ever felt like this about the source material before without actually leaving. I really thought S3 was bad, and I think S4 is better, so far, but if this were S1 I'd probably drift away before mid-season, it just doesn't match up with my interests very well. And yet I'm still here and I like being here, and it's because the core idea of the show, the universe, the first two seasons, the characters, and the stories I've put them in within my own head, are all so dear to me that I remain actively invested in something. It isn't the source material, isn't the community really (I'm an unknown that's all I mean, and I don't interact with people really bc I'm shy—this isn't an insult to the people in fandom). It isn't the fandom in the sense that stuff-that-concerns-the-fandom-as-a-whole doesn't concern me. And yet, for whatever reason, I'm still here. My very niche fandom interests keep me around. And it's just so bizarro to me.