#in peoples minds or actually sells them on this reading then that's just a bonus i suppose

[lucabyte]

i'm so curious about your character gender reads now tho 👀👀

(You enter the kitchen and see me, eating shredded cheese out of the fridge by the handful)

(I turn around to face you.)

Hi. Do you want me to sell you on amab NB Siffrin? I'm going to try and sell you on amab NB Siffrin. And maybe even a little bit of tranfem siffrin and/or loop. as a treat. just for you.

So, (I put the cheese back in the fridge.)

This read of mine comes from a number of things, a lot of them to do with the game's themes, and to do with Siffrin being a narrative foil to the other characters. And Vaugarde as a whole.

(READMORE WARNING: THIS IS LIKE 6K WORDS LONG. YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW BY NOW I DON'T MAKE POSTS WITHOUT UNCONSCIOUNABLE AMOUNTS OF EVIDENCE AND EXPLANATION. IF ANYTHING I'M BEING RESTRAINED HERE. THUMBS UP.)

(Pre-readmore note: this is in response to me having given an analysis of how I personally percieve Sifloop in relation to asexuality and shipping. Which you can look at here. (x))

It is however, not what my like, no-holds-barred no-rules just-for-me headcanon for Siffrin would be. (which is intersex 'head empty no thoughts' siffrin, for the record). This is instead my close-reading-of-the-text-and-themes interpretation of Siffrin. This is why I'm gonna be saying Read and not Headcanon, to distinguish the two. (Anything I consider a little bit too much of a stretch vis a vis interpretive hard reads I will call a headcanon. But those are for the last bit of this post.)

Unlike *gestures at mass media* All That… ISAT is already packed to the gills with queer rep, to the point where I feel no need to grasp at straws and make overextended reaches into obviously unintended subtext. Like with, y'know, most media. Since here, the subtext isn't unintended. Like this isn't a Transfem Metal Sonic or Aroace Ash Ketchum situation where I know none of the evidence is on purpose and I'm just having fun making a conspiracy theory pinboard out of it. This is like… There's intentionality there. And I want to engage with it on its level, see what the text itself suggests. It's my personal preferred method of expressing deep respect to a text. (Not that it has to be anyone else's, obviously. This is just my way of showing I love a work.)

So yeah, I am, in general, very interested in hearing hard-fought arguments when it comes to interpreting texts. I'm glad ISAT has a lot to pick at here, and so, I will. (and since not a lot of texts ever have anywhere near this kind of depth in this arena, i don't wanna squander it… i'll try and keep my own biases as in check as i can, and already have done by hashing quite a bit of this interpretation out with two people of very different gender identities to mine. To put it mildly, binary-aligned or transfem I am very squarely Not.)

(Now that the cheese bag has been removed from the equation, I drop this framing device, sit you down at the table and begin to dredge up evidence from below it.)

Okay, so. What are my like… Core reasonings here? I think I can split it into three categories. Broadly, with an amount of overlap, so bear with me…

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Okay so up top I'm going to split my argument for Siffrin's gender identity Present and Future here. This means, for now, I'm arguing for AMAB NB Siffrin alone. The transfem stuff is for later (and more for loop, in my mind, too).

I have a few direct observations of the text here that set things up. Here are the things in-game that make me assume that Siffrin, as of the start of the game, has not yet undergone any radical change to their identity in their life. Not on purpose, at least. These are ordered in a messy but logical flow, so uh, try and keep up. I'll synthesise at the end. I Prommy.

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

CHANGE & THE UNIVERSE: PERCEIVED OPPOSITES

When interacting with most objects in the Changing Room in the house, they express a genuine curiosity toward body craft. It seems they are legitimately unfamiliar with it on a deeper level than having simply heard of it.

Despite this curiosity (explicitly stating they've previously wondered about it), they dismiss it as too much work early on in the game. These points combined seem to suggest to me that they have never previously sought out any kind of real change to their appearance or identity. Either for gender reasons, or other body dysmorphia reasons. (Which, despite the dismissal, they do refer to their body as a 'meat prison', which is not particularly positive) However...

This changes in Act 3. In acts 3 and 4 they flatly state: "You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now." While still never spoken aloud, their declining mental state corrosponds with a worn-down, almost nihilistic reckoning with the feelings they masked with the 'meat prison' joke in act 2.

[Image: Interactions with the change craft textbook in acts 2 and 3/4.]

In talking to Mirabelle, they are very self assured that one can stay the same/be comfortable with their born identity. They also seem a little unsettled by the change religion's flippancy in general, which makes sense, as they have been clinging to the famliar (even when painful) to cope with other traumas. (More on this later, section 2)

The Universe Faith appears to heavily disincentivise Wanting for oneself and other expressions of Free Will due to safeguarding against Wish craft. This seems to have impacted Siffrin's mental state majorly, even if they do not recognise it. The followers of the faith are (if Siffrin is to be believed) incentivised to 'go with the flow' and take paths of least resistance, and those that DO make big decisions will tend to justify things as being The Universe's Will. (See: The King's entire Modus Operandi, and the way Loop (and Siffrin) do the same rote actions, constructing worldviews (the play analogy, the Universe's Will) and justify that as what the Universe Would Want (despite a total lack of evidence to prove as such)) As such, it seems as if a follower of this faith as neurotic as Siffrin would be unlikely to act upon any Wants to Change Themselves without a lot of turmoil and backwards-justification. (Of note, Loop's forcible change coinciding with a dropping of pronoun. But that is again for later, section 3) As of the start of the game, they do not appear to have broached this kind of turmoil directly.

[Image: Act 5 interaction with the star journal, emphasis on it being a cautionary tale against reckless usage of wish craft, instilled so deeply to be a children's bedtime story]

Siffrin, in act 5, grows frustrated with both The Universe and The Change God, feeling abandoned by the former. They struggle with simultaneously anthropomorphising the Universe as a cruel onlooker, while also seemingly acknowledging them as a cold, almost scientific fact of nature. This would heavily imply that the 'blame' put upon the Universe by Siffrin in these moments is known to them, at least a little, to be potentially meaningless. It seems that somewhere in Siffrin's belief system is something, be it the core or merely a creeping worry, that the Universe is not a thinking, feeling, thing. And thus that their invocations of "The Universe's Will" are merely rationalisations of random chance and consequence. This is in DIRECT contrast to the Change God, proven to be an emotive sapient entity, who merely refuses to offer a helping hand. (Similar sentiments are, too, spoken by the Change God itself.)

[Images: Interacting with the window in the observatory in act 5, text from the change god meeting]

So. These are the bulk of my observations when it comes to how Siffrin is positioned in contrast to the Change Belief. It would seem to be that Siffrin, inkeeping with their role as an outsider, is a complete fish out of water in Vaugarde's change-centric world. This makes sense! It makes them a compelling foil to the Vaugardians in our cast, and allows the Vaugardians to challenge Siffrin's worldviews merely by existing. It also, more importantly, makes Siffrin an interesting lens through which to inspect our two most Change-driven characters. Mirabelle and Isabeau.

MIRABELLE.

Mirabelle and Siffrin's differing faiths are put on display the most frequently. Interactions like the circle key and the party's disbelief of Siffrin's facts about the stars make this clear. These interactions other Siffrin from the group further, and are another avenue through which Siffrin can ignore their own needs, not communicating with the party and allowing them to dismiss things he deems important.

Obviously, the friendquest is primarily about Mirabelle's struggle with her aromanticism and asexuality. But there's an implicit undercurrent of gender there too. Mirabelle has never made a big change, not like Isabeau. She has never 'changed completely', by her words. And Siffrin distinctly finds this an odd thing to be worried by. Whatever culture he carries has no pressure to explore these avenues, it seems. Siffrin is able to help her by sharing their honest opinions, that he's never felt the need to change these things, and he's happy (allegedly). Why should she?

[Image: Mirabelle's friendquest text] Siffrin is not thinking particularly hard when he first does the friendquests, they are just being themselves. By positioning Siffrin as this unchanged yet confident object, they are in the perfect position to help Mirabelle by being in her almost exact position, both sexuality and transgender status (albeit, with the caveats of potential alloromanticism, and a they pronoun), that they become her ideal foil. (And in fact, the subtle differences between their positions in canon add to this, showing a display of Perceived Genuine Truth, rather than simple in-group camaraderie)

Whereas…

ISABEAU.

When Mal du pays speaks as Isabeau, it says the following;

"I don't want to know someone who won't even try to change, who luxuriates in things staying the exact same like you do."

I don't want to know someone - Shame of being known, that's Isabeau's insecurity. Reflected back at Siffrin, who has become the worst thing imaginable to each of their friends, in Siffrin's own mind. He absorbs their insecurities like a sponge and incorporates them into himself. Empathy turned ill.

Who luxuriates in things staying the exact same - Now THAT'S interesting. This is not Isabeau's insecurity, it's Siffrin's own. But also, it appears as if, Siffrin, whom to Mirabelle was unflappable in that not changing was alright, has internalised some of her worry. That it is MDP's Isabeau saying this, though, shows this is about Personal Change, perhaps even Specifically Gender and Self Image, rather than Mirabelle's spiritual side.

Isabeau and his distinct change in personality and gender, to become someone who he actually likes… Diametric to Siffrin, who has been stagnant for a long time, presumably as far as they can remember. It would seem to imply they have no recourse against this argument. Siffin becomes, in his mind, the opposite to Isabeau, a man he deeply admires the bravery of when told the story of his Change. These are Siffrin's words against themselves, that they consider themselves to have never even 'tried' whatever it is they think Change to be.

So. These are my main points vis a vis: Siffrin as a foil. This reading would posit that Siffrin's He/They status is, well, almost accidental? Which I would imagine befitting of them. They are, at the start of the game, still the mysterious rogue who never elaborates upon anything. They aren't going to be correcting a they/them from a teammate who is likely far more cautious about assumptions.

Notably, Mirabelle excludes Siffrin from the label "man" in the bathroom monologues… But as does Siffrin when in the prologue poem room. Though one needs remember, Siffrin only expresses these thoughts internally.

[Image: Bathroom conversation featuring Isabeau identified as the party's singular man]

[Image: Prologue!Siffrin expressing that they are not a man in very certain terms.]

While I do wonder what Mirabelle's knowledge (or lack thereof, potentially! Did Siffrin actually divulge this to her, once? Or is she making assumptions again?) is here, this is pretty clear evidence that Siffrin doesn't see themselves As A Man. (that, and Adrienne's word of god "fella" comments). I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this… but.

The thesis here is, that Siffrin may want to explore their gender further; doesn't feel connected to Masculinity, and yet, keeps that He pronoun around? Well, the Universe does not, in Siffrin's mind, really allow for personal wants and desires. If their friends start they/themming them, then cool. They like it, but never requested it, so it's the Universe's will. But, asking? Making decisions and requests and rocking the boat? That seems to scare Siffrin a lot. It seems to scare them so much it causes a lot of, if not all of, the conflict in the game. I feel like it's a fair deduction that this aversion to humour their own desires pervades a lot of their existence.

Plus, I think there's meat there. By only allowing Siffrin to reckon with any potential desires to change only after growing closer with the family, you get to explore things like "How does Mirabelle feel that even the person who said she didn't have to change is changing." and the slightly less potentially harrowing (OR MORE, IF YOU WANT IT TO BE? IDK. I'M NOT YOUR BOSS.) "Isa's continued changing allows Siffrin a space to explore it, maybe even just by proxy, or maybe by joining them."

But mostly, this section is about how Siffrin not having Changed Yet makes them delightfully strong narratively; allowing them to relate to Mirabelle, and get cold feet when comparing themselves to Isabeau. I love this as a narrative strengthener. It's very rare in media that we get to explore a nonbinary character's thoughts and insecurities on whether or not they're "doing enough" to be nonbinary. Even less so Aligned nonbinary people. And reading that alignment and insecurity through the lens of a nonbinary person not fully disconnected from their assigned gender at birth? It's a very compelling exploration of a very common and raw and yet underdiscussed feeling, much like the rest of ISAT. I think this is an extremely potent element should it be read this way, and is only strengthened when taking Siffrin's other themes into account.

Speaking of which.

2. SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

HOLDING ON TO WHAT YOU KNOW. (OR KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT.)

I explained above many of my thoughts on the Universe Faith, and trying to keep these two sections separate was difficult, but needed to be done for the sake of clarity. But this section and the above are deeply intertwined.

Siffrin… Holds on to the things they know. They do not know much. But man do they fucking hold. And yet, paradoxically, they are also avoidant about it.

It is made clear in the text, to the point where I really don't feel the need to rehash it here, that Siffrin's disconnection from their homeland is incredibly painful, but that they consider that culture utterly and irreplaceably important to them. They cannot face it, it is too painful. They cannot let it go, it is too important.

Knowing what we know of the Island's irl inspirations (though, word of god, the exact location is not supposed to matter, one can infer it from the text (and I did! within reasonable proximity!)), Siffrin is of an indigenous peoples of some description, more than likely. And at the very least, Siffrin carries with them inherent biases and ignorances that show that Vaugarde's conceptions of things don't quite mesh with their own. Bowing to the Vaugardian way of things could very easily be seen as assimilation, in this way.*

And identity? Gender? Presentation? Role? All of that has a cultural element. There's no telling what specifics Siffrin has lost in that arena, and that's the problem. Neither do they. How paralysing, the feeling, to know that should you change yourself you risk unknowingly erasing another piece of home? I wouldn't blame them for locking it off. Keeping their old clothes, keeping what little they can remember of themselves… It doesn't seem to me a conducive or safe mental space to get experimental.

And the Universe makes for a perfect scapegoat. As referenced in the section above, a lot can be justified should you call it "The Universe's Will", because who's there to call you on it? Hardly anyone. Your divine right to Freeze A Place In Time; Your Deserved Punishment for Wanting to be Loved: All of it the Universe-- If you want it to be. And thusly, if the Universe wanted you to be a certain way, wouldn't you already be? Wouldn't it make you so? (Wouldn't it take away your body, that which makes you human? If that is what it thought of you?) So best to put it out of your mind. Wouldn't want to accidentally wish anything.

But as the game itself puts it, personified by The King, you cannot stay mired like this forever. As Loop themselves puts it, they can "get so fixated, sometimes." At some point they need to allow themselves to grow in whatever direction they need, because in the end, they need to live their life. They don't need to abandon their country, their culture, but they can't let it restrain them either.

(* MASSIVE CAVEAT: im white as fuck boyyy. i cant say shit. im like technically Of The Land im like 90% pictish or something ridiculous like that so my particular line has never moved anywhere but. this is notttt something i have input or insight on. this is all gleaned from reading and listening to indiginous perspectives from wherever they may be. i am simply trying to infer from what the game gives us without inserting my own feelings on the matter.)

3. SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Alright, here's some less heady and purely-thematic points to round things out. And where we'll also address the fucked up star being in the room; Loop.

My last couple of reading points are the most potentially-transfem to me. Or at least the ones that really hammer home, to me, a seeming lack of want to be masculine-aligned.

ANOTHER NOTE ON THE 'NOT A GUY' THING.

Obviously, there is the aforementioned "Not a man/not that you're a boy" thing. This is rather straightforward, but also still pretty ambiguous. You can be masc-aligned and still Not A Guy. But it does seem to be of note that being a guy very much does not seem to be a goal of Siffrin's. I would posit this in direct contrast to… Isabeau.

But not Isabeau's masculinity. I would instead hold it up against Isa's femininity.

ISAT, as a text, has its characters have genuinely different levels of security in their gender identity, and Isabeau, despite still having insecurities, seems super chill on the gender angle specifically! Their internal strife comes not from their 'not feeling like a man enough' or 'hating being a woman', but instead from their self perception as a friendless nerd! Something that seems to be only tangentially related to Isa's gender, really?

The big dumb bruiser thing is certainly aided by being a dude, but Isa still seems completely comfortable referring to themselves with feminine language, calling himself a "mother hen" (prologue) and having "the heart of a fair maiden" (cookie snack time). (However, they also take being excluded from Mira's girly book club as a surprised compliment, implying they weren't expected to be excluded, and find it affirming.) And even further so, Isa states they want to continue changing further and exploring their identity more, being rather blatant that they might lean back into femininity (and more importantly, let themselves be outwardly smart again), since they're starting to feel hurt by everyone assuming they ARE genuinely stupid.

[Image: Prologue Isa calling himself a mother hen]

And man, this is such a breath of fresh air vis a vis representation. I don't think I really need to explain that. A character who's gender identity is driven by chasing euphoria, even if it started out by trying to drive out misery. Isabeau's character is so damn good. But this essay isn't about him, so get back in the crate, boy.

... So here we have Isa, who is genuinely comfortable reclaiming things about their birth gender, and Mirabelle who loves her traditionally feminine traits to the point where she feels a little guilty that she isn't rejecting them to foster change. And then we have Siffrin… who seems to reject masculine language…? Hrm… (… And then we have The King. A Masculine Title. Someone who Siffrin increasingly sees themselves in and deeply, deeply dislikes this.)

APATHY AND SURVIVAL

It should be clear by now that I see Siffrin's core character as being driven by avoidance and survival. This seems to lead to a lot of apathy, brushing off emotions that are too intense or events and occurences that are too painful. (See: just absolutely everything with Bonnie)

It's all Siffrin really seems to be able to do to Survive. They've travelled, seemingly alone, for what would be around a decade by what the game says about the island's disappearance. They've lived alone on the road as a traveller in a country that so openly welcomes strangers that THE KING and his whole motives can happen. Siffrin is avoidant and refuses to acknowledge problems or strive for help and comfort.

So. That line about the dress. Let's unpack the line(s) about the dress.

THE DRESS LINE, AND THE WAY IT CHANGES BETWEEN PROLOGUE, ACT 2, AND ACT 3.

Good god where to start with this. Full disclosure, the first draft here was way more vague in how I approached this line because I remembered it (and another line, I'll get to it.) way more tame, but going and getting the screenshots..... Siffrin. Buddy. We gotta unpack this.

In act 2, we have "You haven't worn a dress in forever!". This is a neutral, if seemingly a little joyous statement. All we really glean from this is the information that Siffrin at some point, wore 'a' dress. No real inferences there. (Maybe you could say that the singular as opposed to plural makes it more likely that they borrowed/only owned One Dress rather than owned several? But that's a massive stretch...)

Then, act 3/4 shuffles this off into a more general "You wonder if you'll ever wear different clothes again." Which is a more despairing and distant statement. Considering Siffrin seems to travel with only the items they can carry, and owns sleep clothes... It's unclear how many changes of clothing they have. The party seems to consider the cloak a pretty permanent fixture, anyhow. But this line doesn't really say much aside from 'oh god i'm losing myself to the time loop malaise'

NOW THE PROLOGUE. Prologue Sif, buddy, pal, Loop, if I'm allowed to call you that....

Thousands of loops in. We are wistful for specifically dresses. You've forgotten almost everything. You dream about someday seeing the sun again. To be anywhere but here. You want to wear a dress again.

I. Kind of do not know what to do here but point at it. Like I said, my first draft had me half-remembering the progression of this line and as such I was far more vague on what I thought it could imply. Instead this is just straight up yearning.

To, try and segue back to what I had initially written, we'll pick up here...

Siffrin expresses a want to wear other clothes, explore changing their body... But instead, they wear a ratty old form-covering cloak that keeps them warm and safe and is a last reminder of home. They are shapeless, formless, hiding their face under the brim of a wide hat. They do not voice their desire to wear a dress aloud. They once again, keep a desire to themselves, because they do not allow themselves to want publicly. Apathy is safer. Apathy and quiet means you do not risk retribution or hurt.

While I do not think the above is exclusively a transfeminine feeling, it really, really reads like one when taken part and parcel with assuming Siffrin has denied themselves prior exploration.

... And here I have to break my first draft again. I was being, once again, restrained in my reading when writing this. Because I had convinced myself I had maybe straight up imagined one of the lines I was basing my reads on, because I couldn't find it. Because it was a line that read so strikingly desolate to me that my brain had slotted it in during Act Five, meaning when I went looking for it neither me nor my friends could find it.

It's in acts 3 and 4. It's a line I already brought up.

"You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now."

good fucking christ. sorry to break the academic tone but Jimminy Fucking Willikers, Siffrin. What's with that bit. The resignation and despair and guilty comfort we know the timeloop brings them, bleeding into the gender.

This. *taps my finger harshly on my desk* THIS, this feels transfem. this feels so wildly transfem to me. The knowledge that they've never changed before this line lends. The admission that they've been holding back because it's 'too much work'. I spent a lot of time during the game relating Siffrin not to myself but to my friends.

If I'm honest, really, truly, I'm not all too often in Siffrin's shoes. I'm the stable one, of my group. I'm the rock people ground themselves on. And I see so much hesitance, all the time. Denial of joy because what if it's taken away, again? Or futilely out of reach? It hurts more to try, and to fail, than to never try at all.

I wanted to shake Siffrin by the shoulders this whole game. Grit teeth beg them to accept help because for fuck's sake people are clearly offering it get it through your skull--

*coughs* Ah. Ahem. Right. The uh, academic tone.

Right. What I mean to say is, this read as transfem to me because of the way it relates to real-world experiences of denial. And this combo of the Dress line, and the progression of the Meat Prison line, the constant evidence of never having strived for what they want, and that insistance that you're not a man, seem to dislike being percieved as a man, but not being able to shed the outward signifiers?

Individually, yes, these points can be read in different ways. The total opposite ways, even, I'm sure! But as a gestalt it feels really, really transfem. Even if yeah, sure Vaugarde is a magical setting where being transgender is accepted, and this hesitance, specifically, around gender, might not 'make sense' in 'the lore'...

Diegesis isn't everything. Sometimes something that reflects a real-world feeling is important, even if it doesn't 'mesh' with 'the lore' of the world.

TANGENT: DIEGESIS AND READING INTO NON-REAL-WORLD-SETTINGS.

This is a Watsonian vs Doylist spectre that's been haunting this whole argument. In-universe (Watsonian), Vaugarde has seemingly no discrimination between genders, sexualities, and a lackadaisical approach to most things in the arena. Reading our own patriarchal/heterosexual/amanonormative/perisexist society unto it does not make sense, not in this context.

In the real world, however (Doylist), ISAT is a text made in our prejudiced society. A text that is distinctly flavoured by those bigotries which it is kicking back against. Because of this, it is not the whole story to simply read the text while discarding our real-world-informed inferences. Isabeau is a big example of this. While perfectly accepted in Vaugarde, he is very obviously a revolutionary character in our real-world space! He has so much to say, specifically BECAUSE things about him that are not readily accepted here, are accepted there! Same with Mira's struggles, and yes, Siffrin's too.

ISAT was written with the knowledge of how it would play against our real world in mind, we know this, clearly, from many an interview. This is most present in how it engages with asexuality and aromanticism (and immigrant identity), but make no mistake, it influences the Whole Text.

Ergo, just because I view certain writing choices here in the context of Our Real World Perspectives On Gender and not Vaugarde's In-Universe Perspectives, it does not make them an invalid read. They are simply a Doylist read.

There's been an admittedly loosey-goosey lack of delineation here between things I'm reading with either lens, because for the most part all of these points have been a vague synthesis of both that I can't quite decouple. Unprofessional, I know, but I'll admit to not having written my thoughts down like this in a good long while. Usually I just hash this out verbally over discord voice to a small number of weirdo literature and classics student friends who are willing to humour me. I'm an arts student too, but animation hardly required I actually write an essay to a literature degree's standard. Lol.

DE-PERSONING. AND LOOP. OH JESUS . LOOP .

Siffrin de-persons themselves a lot. I say de-person rather than dehumanise because, well, there's a subtle difference there. Siffrin doesn't see themselves as vermin or an animal or an object, but they do seem to see themselves as lesser, not requiring the respect they grant others. They aren't, you know, a 'real person'.

People get to have things like thoughts and wants and identities. Siffrin is, at best, Just Siffrin. They have what they have and they don't ask for more and they don't (CAN'T) feel too strongly on what they do have!

When Loop at first offers their pronouns they offer the Royal 'We'. This is at least a little bit, a joke. A nudge toward their true identity, a potential dig at themselves for becoming so understanding of The King. Mostly though, a joke on the first thing…. and a sign that they do not see themselves as a separate entity to the Siffrin stood before them.

When Siffrin rejects this, they settle for they/them. Loop drops the he/him, presumably partially to cover their tracks, but… They just showed their hand with the 'Royal We', and if you wanted to go even further with this, there's no way for us to know whether Loop is treating this pronoun as singular or not. They presumably are, but it is still a potentially plural pronoun.

Loop… Clearly does not see themselves as a person. It's, I would say, a completely reasonable assumption that the form they have taken reflects implicit feelings toward themselves as less than a person, an actor, a monster, a tool, a means to an end. They are rendered inhuman by The Universe, frivolous distractions removed. No mouth, inventory and clothes confiscated, nothing between the legs. Formed roughly in the shape of a person to allow them to do their only job: Help.

Loop's body does not make logical sense, given their continued ability to sleep, dream and their continued habit of deep breaths to self-soothe. It would seem to me, it was made in the image it was, with only the tools it needed to Help Siffrin. Why obfuscate their identity? Because giving the game away too early would likely make them lose hope. Why so deeply, thoroughly star themed? An instant signal, that even if a stranger, they are an ally. They are home.

[Image: Loop saying that they take naps and dream, and evidence of Loop habitually attempting to breathe in the twohats lose-to-loop ending]

And they… Degender themselves. No longer with any bodily signifiers of masculinity, and cruelly disallowed the ability to hide themselves beneath fabric, they are null. The spoiler Q&A (paratext, as it were) states that:

Q. Is Loop: 1. Actually comfortable with both he and they, but only gave the one pronoun to emphasize the distance? 2. Only using they/them because a large life event led to a shift in identity/ how they’d like to be perceived? or 3. time lops stole he from they they :( A. Mostly that first one. But all three of those reasons have a bit of truth to them.

While the 'mostly the first one' comment does imply that Loop would not baulk at being he/him'd (similar to how Siffrin does not), the other reasons, especially the second, having 'a bit of truth' does lend credence to this reading. That Loop's self-perception has shifted, and what I posit, is that this shift is in tandem with a disconnection with humanity. Due, presumably, to the dehumanising experience of the timeloop.

Loop has no biology to speak of, and yet they remain blind in one eye. I take this as an implication that they considered this so core to themselves, to who they could remember being, that it stayed. Even if they had forgotten their own face, trapped in a part of the house with no mirrors, they knew they couldn't see. They kept this, and yet seemingly they, or The Universe, or both of them in tandem, discarded all else.

This isn't like…. Healthy behaviour. That is for certain. But it is interesting that Siffrin and Loop seem to hold on to their masculinity by a thread, and that Loop, when actually given the excuse to make a choice, chooses the Neutral Option. Siffrin might de-person themselves, but Loop, Loop is absolutely dehumanising themselves. From Loop's own mouth (or lack thereof) do they call themselves a Corpse. That's… pretty damn bad.

TANGENT 2: POTENTIAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE JAPANESE TRANSLATION.

Did somebody say 'distance'? Yeah turns out that has some more potential evidence. In the form of First Person Pronouns. See, English, with its third person only pronouns relies on others to gender you. Japanese, you get to gender yourself. And Siffrin specifically has an interesting discrepancy in the way he refers to himself.

(DISCLAIMER: I . DO NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT JAPANESE. THIS IS SECOND-HAND KNOWLEDGE. SOURCED FROM THIS TUMBLR POST AND OTHER QUICK SKIMS OF WIKIPEDIA)

Loop and Siffrin use the same, very neutral "mostly male but could go either way" pronoun of 僕 boku. Safe, soft friendly pronoun. Used by people on the younger side of adulthood, not so impolite that you can't use it in a formal setting. Such a neutral all-rounder that female singers in japan tend to use boku in their songs to relate to the audience with quiet confidence.

And in their internal monologue? Siffrin uses a completely different pronoun. In his head, for himself, he uses 自分 jibun. Now, this may be an artefact of the monologue's english second-person "You", since jibun can also be used to mean a very neutral "self". A "myself/herself/himself" type 'self'. But when used as a first person pronoun, it has a connotation of being… distant, introspective. Which is… a fascinating implication, if that was the intent.

But I don't know anything about japanese so ! If I'm off the mark, discard this!

LOOP, PART 2: MAYBE NOT A GREAT STATE TO BE IN.

While Siffrin I can comfortably argue that they can like, keep their current gender presentation, whatever you may perceive it to be, once the game is over, Loop, I cannot.

Siffrin's potential issues with their identity are ones that honestly feel like they would best be explored with gentle refinement and searching. They don't need to violently seperate themselves from what they are now, far from it, in fact. They need to learn to grow comfortable in their own skin, and with the people they love. To become open and trusting, with an open mind to where it may lead.

Loop has already lost this battle. They don't get to refine anymore, just pick up the pieces. While I don't necessarily think radical change is Good for Loop, I think they may Need It. For them, resting will probably become stagnation (see: napping all day under the tree, resigned, really, to the idea they're stuck there forever.), they need a shake-up in order to re-find their feet. Even if they end up right back where they started, they still need to do the actual painful process of soul-searching first.

Problem is, they're still rather avoidant. So it basically becomes a question of getting them into a situation where this exploration is forced upon them. At which point, that's a whole new plotline. This becomes fanfiction. Hence, why while I think Transfem-Egg Loop is a Valid Read when extrapolated from Siffrin… I must concede any actual adventures into them acting upon that as headcanon territory. I just do not know how you would get them there without making a whole new Thing, at which point it stops being Just A Read of the text haha. It doesn't help that Loop and Siffrin (grudgekeepers supreme) both have reason to spite the Change God after who was phone.

As for whether this egg-read reflects directly back on to Siffrin? Maybe! They are the same person. But I think that, especially with Vaugarde's lax views, and their actual differences (Loop's general worse mania // Siffrin's incentive to stay a reminder to themselves and Loop of their country) means they could easily go two different routes, along the road to becoming their own distinct individuals. (And in all honesty, growing into their differences is probably the more healthy option in the long run if you're keeping Loop around? But again, we are going so far into the future here this is no longer a read. And I am not here to dispense baseless headcanons without massive disclaimer, so…)

Tl;Dr:

Siffrin's Survival-Apathy and hesitance to change feels really thematic to their being 'what's left' of their homeland

They seem unsettled by the flippancy of the Change Religion at times, clinging to the familiar to cope with the trauma of displacement.

Mal du pays speaks of them that they have not 'tried' to change, showing an insecurity there, even outside of the literal stagnance of the loops.

They are self assured to Mira that one does not have to change, in a very genuinely personal impulsive statement.

They and others exclude themselves from being "A Man", but Siffrin keeps desires to explore their expression to themselves.

The Universe belief, seemingly in Siffrin's view of it, disincentivises Free Will and Wants very heavily. It is not hard to assume they extend this to all elements of their life.

They have self-admittedly never pursued tangible change, likely due to this aversion to choice. Despite this, they express interest in changing, seeming nonplussed with their body, and house at least some desire for more traditionally feminine expression.

Oh Good God. Loop Sure Does Not Treat Themselves Like A Person. Why Does That Come With A Pronoun Change? What Does That Mean?

But most of all:

It makes them such a fascinating foil and lens to Change and characters who believe in it! It makes them eerily similar to The King! It opens up such fascinating debate between characters like themselves and Mirabelle, Isabeau and Loop, on whether or not they want to change in future, or if it truly is okay to never radically change yourself! What genuinely fertile ground for dialogues. And man if I'm not heavily drawn towards dialogues.

(End of essay! Congratulations for making it the whole way! 🎉 I hope this nightmarish deep dive helps with understanding some of the ways I've been writing Siffrin and Loop too. Since while I've not ever focused on the gender side of it (and probably won't in comic form) this does pervade my view of the two, since it would be impossible for it to Not. As you can see, I do think it is pretty relevant to both their themes.)

(Now for some bonus material)

ADDENDUMS:

PERSONAL BIAS NOTE:

Not included in this analysis since this is more a Pet Theme of my own (usually kept quarantined to the realms of my OCs), but something else I see in Siffrin is a reflection of the Dude Issue(tm) of patriarchal irl society disincentivisng Dudes(tm) from ever fucking introspecting ever.

I'm curious about nonbinary/trans characters who have no idea they’re nonbinary/trans because they’ve been disincentivised from thinking/doubting their identity due to societal power structures or simply tradition. I dig around the themes of “a lot of guys are trapped in a societal prison without ever knowing and it makes them miserable but they can’t escape because they don’t even see the cage” like, a lot, in my personal work. It intrigues me. So bleh, cards on the table there. That mode of interacting with nb/trans characters is one I'm inclined to.

This kinda goes hand in hand with the watsonian vs doylist situation i took an aside to mention. But it is so far along the doylist side that I didn't want to include it, since it is a little too assumptive of the text for my comfort. I don't think the game necessarily has much commentary on this specific Societal Bind. But if it does, then hey, there's my thoughts on it.

STRAY SIDE NOTES AND HEADCANONS ABOUT OTHER CHARACTERS (AS A TREAT FOR GETTING THIS FAR):

MID-GAME OBSERVATION ABOUT BONNIE AND ODILE THAT I NEVER WENT BACK TO VERIFY:

I got the impression that Bonnie heavily favours they/them pronouns for Siffrin, and Odile he/him, as a bit of presumed character voice. I don't know that I am right, literally at all, in that observation, because it very well could've been confirmation bias.

BUT! It did give me the impression that one of the things Bonnie was idolising about Siffrin was a degree of "wow!! older person with my gender!! wow!!", which is just like, cute. I like it even if I don't have any solid evidence.

ODILE, WHAT'S HER DEAL?:

Oh she stays just as mysterious as she intends to be, huh? Even with her comments in the Changing Room alluding to knowing things about underground changing operations, you can't draw much of a conclusion about her. I appreciate verily that she's word-of-god unlabelled and also poly. That shit's great. Woman who has stopped drawing lines or caring what she's up against. Nice characterisation flavour I think.

Anyway, I do think that transfem Odile is a really, really nice take. I have no evidence in either direction for her in either direction, and her being a woman of any description makes her relationship with her absent mother something interesting to chew on, but the idea that she pursued womanhood intentionally lends an interesting texture. I've not much to say, but it's a thread to pull on. Makes you wonder what other female role models she had in her life instead. Anyway she's mysterious as fuck I can't extrapolate Jack nor Squat. Shrug! I'm also made curious by the idea of her potentially moving away from womanhood as she feels the weight of her history lifted. This goes either way, really. Diagnosis: mysterious.

HEADCANON NOTE: INTERSEX SIFFRIN

I don't have any in-text support for this so this entire thing is an unbased headcanon to me. but i DO like it because 1. fun and 2. potential for more thematic exploration

haha gotcha its fuckin themes again. its always themes with me.

But yeah. Not much to say here besides drawing a parallel (that I believe I've seen drawn elsewhere in the fandom already?) between ISAT's comments on how a society that values change would view Aroace identities, and how Mira feels about not wanting to change with the real world experiences of Intersex people having alteration and conformity forced upon them, saying the Change Belief would likely be just as bad for them as it is for aroace people.

So, adding it to Siffrin's situation further drags them into the opposition-to-change foil role. Which like I said, think has a lot to explore.

HEADCANON NOTE: A POTENTIAL METHOD FOR GETTING LOOP OUT OF THEIR GOD DAMNED COMFORT ZONE

I think utilising Loop's contrarianism is an effective and funny way to get them to explore their gender. I personally think running with them trying to hide their identity from the party is a hilarious way to do it. Having them try to position themselves in direct opposition to Siffrin to "throw the party off their trail" (not that i think they really need to?), going full feminine-revealing-clothing because it's NOT what a Siffrin would do and accidentally growing accustomed to it. Funny to me. Especially when the party eventually do find out who they are and go . "????? what was the girl stuff about ??? is that something you wanna do now ???".

[Isabeau] "Ohhhh it was a bit! Haha you really are Sif, still a jokester!" [Loop] "HAHA YEAH . JOKES. LOVE THOSE. LOVE TO MAKE JOKES!" [Isabeau] "Yep! Anyway. Tell me if you need anything!"

Bonus bonus:

[Siffrin] "Okay, so, if you're a girl. Does this reflect on like… me?" [Loop] "No doubles. Get your own gender, parasite~!"

[spell-cleaver]

I once read this fic on wattpad where Padme lives and remarries, and I think there are other fics like that where she moves on. Hypothetically, what if that did happen? How would Vader react?

I'm assuming that in this case, Padmé doesn't know Vader is Anakin so thinks Anakin is dead. I don't think she would remarry or move on if she knew he was alive and evil, both because I think she would think there was still good in him, like in ROTS, or because she knew that would put a massive target on the back of whoever she married lmao, and she's got a strong enough sense of duty and responsibility that she'd want to avoid this person she's starting to love getting pulverised by her ex. (Which would be a fantastically angsty story, actually!) But those are just my opening thoughts - I'm of the opinion that I'll believe any character did anything so long as you sell it well enough in the fic itself.

But in fics where she thinks he's dead, I think she would move on! According to the extra books and materials, there were loooots of people in love with Padmé. I can't blame them; I'm included in that number. It would definitely be a very different style of relationship to what she had with Anakin, but considering she previously dated Clovis and Palo, both of whom were very different to each other as well as to Anakin, she'd definitely find someone she liked. (If she has the twins with her, bonus points if that person is good with the twins and they like them a lot.) I just think that while Padmé is clearly devoted to Anakin, after 10 years or something she'd be healthy enough to move on.

And Vader, of course, would lose his mind. He's been in love with Padmé since he was nine years old. It wouldn't occur to him to ever love someone else after she 'died', and if he found out she was alive and had married someone else after she thought he died, I think he wouldn't be able to fathom it. After much arguing and conversation with her - if he is a Sith Lord, he'd definitely get violent with Padmé's new partner - he miiiiight be able to settle into something calmer. Or at least make sacrifices for her. But Vader's single-minded devotion to Padmé is such that I think he'd be absolutely terrifying if he learned that she hadn't shown him the same.

[witching-by-the-willow]

I feel like I'm the only one who finds Kerri's shift to adult/smut in Throne really cringe. 😂 I also don't totally love how she's been promoting the book ngl. She keeps making comparisons between it and the KOTW series, how we'll like Envy so much more than Wrath and how he's her favorite. I'm mostly worried about the things she'll write for him and Emilia now that they aren't the protagonists tbh.

Tbf, I'm going in with an open mind, but yeah, I do see what you're saying. I'm not sure how well I'll dare with the elements and style of smut that seems to coming in Throne of the Fallen.... especially the dirty talk ajdjsjjangangb I'm sorry, I just always end up cringing at dirty talk, regardless of the book. 🤡

Definitely agree on the comparisons with KOTW part. Like, I get that the idea behind this way of promotion is to give people who are already reading the series a comparitive measure of spice and stuff, but I'd still prefer this book to be promoted for itself and not in comparison with the previous books of the series. And also, I'm a petty bitch sometimes and so those sometimes are when I wish kotw would have been as explicit as this is being promoted to be (ahem, knives and chains brought up and done nothing with? 😔)

And about the Wrath part...Kerri, ma'am, I'm sorry but nothing is going to make me put Wrath second. Anyone who has seen this blog knows that I would (literally) sell my soul for him, so....

I'm interested to see what she does with Envy, because there's potential there, but I highly doubt he's going to beat Wrath for me.

I'm actually not that worried about how Wrath and Emilia are going to be written as supportimg characters. I feel like with the way Kotf ended, it left a lot of political situations and plot strings for them to deal with, and I actually quite liked the way the other princes were written in KOTF, so I believe wrathemilia will be well and good in these next books as well. I really hope we get bonus chapters of them, though. 👀👀👀👀👀

[you-remind-me-of-the-babe]

Trope Grading Game

Thank you for the tags @aristocratic-otter and @artsyunderstudy! I really love hearing what y’all are into and why.

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 -> don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

So the short answer is 0 for everything because I don’t read tags anymore because they never affected my choice to read a story the way a summary, snippet, rec or author gushing about their work would. But! even choosing with these methods the tropes bleed through so here are my rankings

Age gap: -1

I’m not opposed to it per se, I just don’t see the appeal. I just finished a book with side characters in a relationship with a big age gap and I tried to be open minded but it creeped me out a bit. Although I did write Baz as a 200 year old vampire so I guess there’s that! 😅

Codependency: +5

Yeah, give me two people leaning on each other. I think we suffer in silence too much. I think we need human connection. Gimme two people who aren’t afraid to ask for what they want. Yeah sure, it can be problematic but mostly I think it’s nice.

Obsession/possessiveness, jealousy: +5

I fucking love possessive Simon. Sometimes this trope isn’t done well in other stories but with Snowbaz I eat that shit up.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +8

I looooove it. Working past your stereotypes? Becoming more open minded? Seeing someone on a deeper level? Grabby hands

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +8

This is the majority of Snowbaz so obviously, yes. Sometimes I’m not a fan outside the fandom, but here it’s so good. And enemies with benefits??? Please. Cue me foaming at the mouth reading Restoration Ecology by @captain-aralias or it’s fabulous remix by @royalasstronaut.

Friends with benefits: +8

Yes please. As long as there’s some deep feelings involved, even if they come later, I’m there. And often with friendship you’ve got the platonic love there that sometimes builds to more so yes. More Than Friends by @fatalfangirl is an EXCELLENT example of this where they are just pining idiots from day 1 and I’m obsessed.

Sex to feelings: +10

FUCK YES. I will take it every time. I love sex, I love a good slow burn, I love sex with feelings. Make them earn it? PLEASE. Someone Wicked does this so well. @artsyunderstudy is the queen of sex with feelings.

Fake dating/relationship: +8

Yup, this is a goodie. even just fake friendship a la RWRB. Lovely. But yeah when their dating and they gotta kiss to sell it? And the other thinks they are faking but really that’s how they feel? Mmm hmm. Yummy.

Friends to lovers: +10

Y’all know this is my thing. I’ve written it several times. They love each other SO MUCH but they are too afraid to ruin their friendship so they feel they can’t make a move. The angst is right there and I love it.

Found family: +1

This can be great, but if that’s the whole premise I might pass. Fluff can be fun but if that’s all there is, I usually pass. But! If this is a theme in a longer fic with more complex plot? Then it can be really good.

Hurt/comfort: +1

Idk why but I associate this tag with shorter fics that just doesn’t actually hit that hard. Like, the hurt is little and immediately followed by the comfort. Give me the BIG angst. Hurt me good before you make it better. I looooove angst with a happy ending. So if that’s what we are doing then give it to me good.

Love triangle: -3

Meh. I always feel bad for the odd one out. I don’t like seeing the pining and angst without the pay out. And usually this is how it goes. If the third person is an asshole you just have to nudge out of the way, then maybe.

Poly, open relationship: -3

I’m actually quite curious about this and I bet it can be done right, but I usually go for a single OTP. Give me your recs though, I’d love to be convinced otherwise.

Mistaken/hidden identity: +10

Hell yes. They didn’t know it was that person all along? And they fell for them anyways? Fantastic. Even better is when they fall for the same person twice. Both hidden and not. And then! All is revealed and it’s the same person! Think love letters from a secret admirer, masquerade, etc. I mean there’s a reason network connectivity problems is the highest kudosed fic in the fandom.

Monsterfucking: +10

And bless this fandom for introducing me to it and going whole hog with our boys and their monster parts.

Pregnancy: -3

Been there, done that, don’t find it sexy. There’s some good mpreg fics in this fandom though so there are exceptions! Orange Juice by @orange-peony is a GREAT one that I really adored. This fandom just really delivers in any area.

Second chance: +9

Yes please! Unless own person is truly awful and doesn’t deserve it, but typically I love someone getting a chance to try and learn from their mistakes and try again. Don’t we all wish we could have a second chance at something?

Slow burn: +10

ITS SO SATISFYING! The payoff is so good after they’ve worked for it. My favorite.

Soulmates: +1

I love when characters can choose each other despite their destiny. I need conflict. I don’t know if I’ve read any Snowbaz ones. I think because I like them at odds and assume they won’t be. @artsyunderstudy is giving me recs to help me see the light LOL.

Who hasn’t done this? Tagging those above who haven’t done it plus a few more, if you’re up for it @whogaveyoupermission @iamamythologicalcreature @facewithoutheart @bookish-bogwitch @cutestkilla @thewholelemon @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ileadacharmedlife @raenestee @valeffelees

[jarateblog]

My Rambly Complaints on Orbital's Optical Delusion

Not that anybody who reads this is really going to care, but felt like getting my thoughts put out somewhere, since I don't really have a spot on my website to put this stuff currently (and I'm still trying to stay off Twitter for the most part and its word cap would only get in the way anyways)

I've been a massive fan of Orbital's for a couple years now, and would call Snivilisation one of my favorite albums that hits me on multiple emotional levels when sitting down to listen to it in its entirety. In Sides, The Middle of Nowhere, the Brown Album, and The Altogether are more of some of what I would consider masterpieces from them, although none of their albums are bad in my opinion. This album, however, is probably the one I've been the most frustrated with due to a variety of reasons.

The lead up to this album was an absolute shitshow, to start, because the brothers clearly weren't in contact with their social media manager enough (or their social media manager was just super incompetent at their job), self-leaking songs before their official announcements, and just announcing the album about 3 months before its release. Each version of the album available is different too, the digital and vinyl releases being the most basic, while there are 3, count 'em, 3, different versions of CDs you can get: one basic, one with a separate bonus CD, and one with included bonus tracks (all three are completely different and barely vary in price). This isn't to mention how NONE of these were explained until about ONE WEEK before the album's release, fucking up many peoples' pre-order plans (and prevented me from even pre-ordering the album in the first place as a result, especially as a US citizen who gets fucked with ~20 pound shipping costs). There was a super expensive (and limited) blu-ray edition that is the only "complete" package, with all bonus tracks (minus one), with surround mixes as a bonus, but, obviously, not everybody has the money (or set up) to settle for that package. Then, there was the whole stupid N(o) F(ucking) T(hanks) shit they pulled about a week before its release too, a clear last minute ploy to squeeze a couple extra bucks out of some idiots who believe in that shit.

Funny, then, for how obviously political/environmental this album is that they wanted to sell it through such incomprehensible means. I know that sometimes labels can get in the way of music releases, but the absurdity of all this cannot be just the result of some publisher's stupidity. So, I feel everybody, especially including the band, needs to take blame for this shit. This is stuff that is actually getting in the way for normal people to just listen to music, and I wouldn't be surprised if this album ends up under-performing as a result.

About the actual quality of the album, that's very subjective, and it shouldn't surprise anybody that I am pretty sour and my opinions are biased, even if I went in with as much of an open mind as I could. There are good tracks here, but most feel extremely under-developed for Orbital's standards (and learning that none of the tracks were actually worked in collaboration between the brothers strengthens this belief).

The always common political messages for Orbital albums here are also extremely on the nose, making it annoying when I have to read every other comment on posts regarding the album complaining from dense right-wing dickheads about how they want all their music to be 'non-political.' I obviously wholly support Orbital in continuing to push their messages, but the way they do it here is far from subtle or tongue in cheek (like in almost any of their previous albums). If I'm leaning on the same side of the political spectrum that they seem to be on, and I am finding their messages to be forced or cringey, then I think there is something wrong with the presentation of the message.

Notably, the album's themes revolving around the pandemic are almost 3 years behind the time it would have made the most impact. The pandemic still affects us today, yes, but they relay their message as if the damn thing just started a month ago. It would be more impactful and relevant if the focus was more on the people who still refuse to believe the virus exists, and how that affects the rest of us, but the messages don't go any further than "the virus sucks," or "the government doesn't care about us."

I find the only standout song on here to be "Are You Alive?," which is still a bit weak in the lyrical department, and feels like it has nothing to add for the last 4 minutes when the vocals get done in the first 3. The radio edit of it was horribly done though (although radio edits never do justice to Orbital's songs), cutting off the end of the track ungracefully and shortening the space between the main lyrics before there is time to let the music speak. It's unfortunate, because this song had potential to be one of their best in their whole catalogue.

I only recently got to listen to some of the bonus tracks (because somebody had to sneakily upload them on to Youtube), and it's a damn shame they weren't included on the main album (which is already under an hour in length, so come the fuck on with that). They are perhaps some of the best developed tracks out of this release, and it's completely insane that nobody told whoever was in charge to just put them all in the one package (hell, it would even further justify the album being a 2xLP, since the fact its only 51 minutes is just a waste of vinyl plastic at this point).

I'm just extremely frustrated with this release. While Monsters Exist in 2018 was one of my least favorite albums of theirs up until this point, I could still listen to it in basically any way I wanted to without issue, and it gave me plenty of time to develop my thoughts on what is still a great album of theirs. This album, on the other hand, actively prevents me from experiencing some of its best material, and the main experience does not hold much to me on its own. This is the first time I can say that I dislike an Orbital album, and it pains me to say it, after holding all 30 years of their output beforehand in high regard. I can't help but feel like this was made to just put some extra cash in their pockets, since Paul Hartnoll's solo work probably isn't making him that much money and who knows what the hell Phil does outside of the band.

[plrplanet]

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[justmetalkingaboutstuff]

I Was a Really Dumb Kid - vol. 1 (with Bonus R3wind!)

Oh hi there, I'm back again with my first installment of "I Was a Dumb Kid" where I tell you stories about how dumb I was as a kid back in the 1970s and 80s when we didn't have access to the internet so we couldn't actually look stuff up on the fly. If you wanted to look things back then you better hope your parents can afford a good encyclopedia set else you had to go downtown to the library. Not that I minded that either because it was just another excuse to pick up about 10 new books so I could score a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. (Yes, I actually read the books. I was - and still am - a huge book nerd)

It's also a bonus "R3wind", which is a reference to the 1995 Better Than Ezra song. Whenever you see a R3wind post, you'll know there's going to be music because I use the tag to recount any memory of mine that's attached to a song.

Without further ado...

"Beds are Burning" is a song by the Australian band Midnight Oil. It was released in August of 1987 and charted at #17 in the U.S. (#1 in Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa) in the same year. It's the band's best selling song to date and was written as a critical response to the Australian government's removal of Aboriginal peoples from their land in the Outback. During a 1986 tour of Australia, the band saw how the past actions of the Australian government had negatively affected the native people (much like how Native Americans suffer greater rates of alcoholism and have a lower life expectancy than Americans of non-Native descent) and the members of the band decided to write the song to bring awareness to the situation.

In some of the most memorable lines from the song, they make a strong statement about the need to make amends for the wrongs done in the past through their lyrics:

The time has come to say fair's fair To pay the rent, to pay our share The time has come, a fact's a fact It belongs to them, let's give it back

And if you know what the song means then it completely makes sense.

But let's say you're 12 years-old and living half a world away.

Because, me, being a dumb American kid, had no idea what the song was about, in spite of being quite fond of the song and owning the cassette tape.

Here's what my 12 year-old mind interpreted it all to mean (in the voice of 12 year-old me):

Verse 1:

Out where the river broke The bloodwood and the desert oak Holden wrecks and boilin' diesels Steam in forty-five degrees

Man, I get it. I live on the Mississippi River. When the levee breaches it's really serious and people can die from it. Ever heard of the Great Flood of 1927? It was the greatest flood in recorded history on the Lower Mississippi River. I've seen the marks on the flood wall downtown that show how high the water got. My dad talked about the flood in 1973 but the flood of 1927 was WAY higher than the one in '73.

Not sure about the type of oak trees we have in our yard but I guess they could have originally been from the desert. Kudzu came from China and that stuff is EVERYWHERE. Talk about something that belongs to them that I'd like to give back!

As an American who uses Fahrenheit instead of Celsius, forty-five degrees is quite cool instead of being oppressively hot. (45F = 7C and 45C = 113F) so I'm assuming that these diesels were steaming because it they were running hot and it was cool out. Might want to check that temperature gauge just in case though. Don't want your truck to burn up.

Adult me commentary: That in itself I guess isn't completely dumb because hot things often DO cause steam when they're in a cooler environment - but my awareness of the fact that we're one of only a few countries in the world that uses Fahrenheit certainly was pretty dumb of me - or maybe uneducated would be a better term to use.

Pre-Chorus:

The time has come to say fair's fair To pay the rent, to pay our share The time has come, a fact's a fact It belongs to them, let's give it back

Okay, so we've got some renters who are occupying a space and the owners clearly want it back because you haven't been paying rent. So, you know, it's time for you to find a new apartment I guess.

Chorus:

How can we dance when our earth is turnin'? How do we sleep while our beds are burnin'? How can we dance when our earth is turnin'? How do we sleep while our beds are burnin'?

Yeah, explain this to my little 12 year old brain, please. Because I most certainly would NOT be out dancing if my freaking bed was on fire.

I saw that 1984 TV film, "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett. I think my mom may have even recorded it on our Betamax VCR. I also knew it had been based on a real-life 1977 event where Francine Hughes, a victim of domestic abuse, had set fire to the bed where her abusive spouse, Mickey Hughes, was sleeping. Mr. Hughes, passed out drunk after beating and sexually assaulting his wife, was killed in the subsequent house fire. Francine fled the scene of the fire only to immediately drive herself to the local police office where she confessed to what had happened. Ms. Hughes was tried in a Lansing, Michigan courtroom where she was found not-guilty by reason of temporary insanity. While no jurors on the case have publicly confirmed so, it is thought that the jury was sympathetic to her due to the constant verbal, physical, and sexual abuse that she received at the hands of her husband.

But even if I'd burned up my abusive husband I wouldn't be dancing about it because I'd be afraid my ass was going to jail. So I don't get the dancing part. Maybe it's from the point of view of the landlord who's really happy to get that deadbeat tenant out of their house and they've decided to burn all of the tenant's stuff?

I mean, bonfires are fun. You can toast marshmallows and make s'mores. You usually have someone who's got a guitar so everyone can sing along but if that doesn't happen then you can rest assured that someone will bring a boombox to play the radio. I guess maybe they're dancing along to the radio?

It's all checking out for 12 year-old me.

Verse 2:

Four wheels scare the cockatoos From Kintore, east to Yuendemu The Western Desert lives and breathes In forty-five degrees.

Four-wheelers are LOUD! I know because my friends and I like to ride them around the neighborhood. We don't have drivers' licenses yet but nobody seems to care too much about a gaggle of pre-teens zooming around on motorized vehicles with no rollover protection and no helmets so away we go whenever we get the chance!

I can definitely see how one's pet - a cockatoo - would be scared by the noise. My dogs hate it when people drive by on four-wheelers. I hope that cockatoo isn't the kind of bird that can imitate sounds because then you'd end up thinking there was a four-wheeler inside your house. I had a friend who had an African Gray Parrot and when I was at their house I'd think the phone was ringing when in reality it was Ziggy just imitating the sound of the telephone. It was super-convincing.

Then we've got some nonsense words. But the Beatles did that in the 60's when they released "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" (remind me again why they didn't title the song "Life Goes On" like normal people? How am I supposed to find out which album this is on if I can't even remember the name of the song?) and then Phil Collins was talking about some "Sussudio" which is NOT a stuttering person talking about a studio, which would actually make sense for a musician because one does, in fact, record songs in a studio... just not a stu-studio.

Western desert - checks out. American deserts are, in fact, out west.

And then they're back to talking about cool weather again.

Then the remainder of the song is talking about returning things and dancing around some furniture that's on fire.

The End.

Stay tuned for more editions of "I Was a Dumb Kid" AND "R3wind" coming soon!

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter. Better yet! Check out “Heart of the Game, Fredonia” - they can sell you those D12’s with the symbols on them! Get in contact with them on Facebook, shipping to the U.S. only, and tell them “Shujin Tribble” sentcha. “Hail, Hail, Fredonia!” Home of the Blue Devil!

After some unexpected computer glitching and last-minute editing we’re finally getting THESE ‘Scopes out On Time for you all. So kick back and relax as we explain how The End Of Summer will go for you.

Aries 

How about One Last Fishing Boat Trip before the season’s over? You paid for your fishing license, might as well get your money’s worth out of it. That and the gift card you were given for 7-11 so you can get a Vat-’o-Coffee on the way to wake up with. So This Week… Make sure the fishing boat company you normally use is still in business and make a reservation. The LAST thing you want to do is be stuck fishing on the pier while watching the boat head out without you.

Taurus 

You missed out on Field Day this year, but that doesn’t mean you need to miss out again. For those of you wondering what that is, it’s a Ham Radio “Thing” - a big Everyone Contact Everyone Else Contest! It’s all kinds of fun using every type of radio communications system possible from Morse Code to Fast-Scan Television! So This Week… If you want to REALLY screw up some people’s minds, make sure there’s a Full Moon on the next Field Day so you can bounce your signal off it! (Yeah, that’s actually a THING!)

Gemini  

How’s about a Rain-Or-Shine, After Sundown, End Of Summer tradition for you? Just remember that you might need a little extra battery power for it. NO, you pervs! Stop It! We’re having you go out to a Drive-In Movie for a Double-Feature! Usually it’ll be an “A” movie paired with a “B” movie… so “The Horror of Party Beach” paired with “The Curse of the Living Corpse”. So This Week… Make sure you get your car battery checked before the movie. It’ll be a good test to see if it’s ready for the harsh winter conditions to come. See? Preventative Maintenance for the WIN!

Cancer Moon-Child 

You hated reading Shakespear’s plays for a reason back in high school. But now you don’t need to do that because you’re forced to - so you can do it for fun. (*PAUSE*) Yeah, we don’t think it’s fun either, but you can tackle it on YOUR terms, not Mr. Billello’s. So This Week… There’s plenty of variations on the Romeo and Juliet story you can choose from. We suggest either West Side Story or The Bride of Frankenstein.

Leo 

Hungry? Got an old Yellow Pages phone book? GOOD! Tear out a bunch of pages from the restaurant section and throw darts at them until you find a place to eat at you’ve never been to before. Bonus Points if the place is a smaller family-owned joint that doesn’t get enough attention. So This Week… If you REALLY want to know GREAT eateries, get a CB Radio and listen to the truckers talking about a Greasy Spoon or Choke ‘N Puke. If ANYONE knows where to eat, THEY do!

Virgo 

Your End Of Summer ritual works out to be both fun and educational. Take a camping trip out into the middle of nowhere - as far as cities are concerned. Get away from all the light pollution and look up at the stars. Be sure to bring a red flashlight and a planisphere so you can identify all the brightest stars, because there will be So Many you’ll get lost in the constellations. So This Week… ALSO be sure to figure out if you’ll be able to see the International Space Station. With enough luck you might even be able to photograph it! 

Libra

School Supplies are still all the rage, but how about something you haven’t thought about in a LONG time? Take a swing over to Staples (or Office Max, it’s all the same company), and get yourself a proper Caligraphy Pen. You learned how to do this back in middle school, you’ll be able to do it all over again. So This Week… With all the YouTube instructional videos out there, you’ll be looking like a pro in NO time. And when you are, you can say, proudly, “HEY! Mrs. Tarresanko? SUCK IT!” 

Scorpio 

Two Words for you: ICE CREAM! If you can find somewhere that serves actually House-Made Stuff, Check ‘em out! Get whatever their signature flavour is and go back for more. Make your own ice cream sandwiches with it and go nuts! So This Week… Oh, come ON! Stop looking up Cold Stone Creamery! Go to some place, like, Antoinette’s Desserts on Transit Road in Depew, New York and get the Greek Mint Sunday. We DARE you to finish it in one sitting!

Sagittarius 

Nothing says you have to have kids to go out School Supply Shopping! So take a swing through SEARS and look for classy button-up… Oh, right. Well, how about pencils and pens at K-Mart’s office supply… Oops. Yeah, sorry. Forgot. Ok, look! We know TARGET is still in business, right? OK! GOOD! So This Week… There’s almost always a liquor store in the same plaza as TARGET. Buy an assortment of sampler bottles and hand them out to the beleaguered parents. You know they need some help too.  

Capricorn 

We’re making this one real simple for you: Go clothes shopping at a second-hand place. It’ll be SUPER cheap and who only knows what you’ll find to try on? It could be literally anything from the current fashion trends to 1970’s-era polyester. So This Week… If you DO get a Butterfly Collared, Mother of Pearl Buttoned, Plaid-Painted shirt from 1973, Keep It Away From Open Flame! It’ll be passively exuding toxic fumes and will ignite at ANY provocation! Do NOT tempt The Fates!

Aquarius 

Instead of going out, how about bringing the outside to you? You can get a plant starter set or just get an already-started spice plant that you can get in your window. Yeah, it’s later in the season than the plant would really like, but if you keep it indoors you’ll be able to give it all the sunlight and water it needs. So This Week… If you have a cat, Don’t Try This! They WILL knock it off the shelf and then you’ll need to sweep it up. 

Pisces  

Your loves of Bucking The System, Weekend TV Binging, and D.I.Y Technology  need to come together in one fun system! Build a home media server to play pirated shows on your TV, and automate the whole collection system while you’re at it! So This Week… There’s plenty of well-established programming and scripting languages; you don’t need to revert to COBOL! Stop making it harder than it needs to be.  

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know - or check out the Ko-Fi page ( https://ko-fi.com/icarusthelunarguard )! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Discord, and BLUESKY.

[inkforhumanhands]

120-130 ☺️

120. What kind of music did your friends listen to growing up, that influenced you?

My cousin influenced me pretty early on by getting me into Eminem and The Offspring, but that was nothing compared to a friend I met in middle school named Molly. She introduced me to Nine Inch Nails and The Blood Brothers, among other bands, and I think that was a pivotal step towards me liking a lot more abrasive music. I was also really gung-ho about researching new music myself (I subbed to Rolling Stone for years lol and read every page), but yeah.

121. Have you ever been teased for liking some type of music? If so; which?

Not really lol. Not to be that guy because the music I listened to in high school mostly wasn't really that obscure, but it was still more often than not not really on the radar of most people outside of my friends and other like-minded people.

122. How often do you listen to music?

Every day without fail lol. Pretty much always when I'm walking the dog (if not, then a podcast). I used to listen almost 24/7 but I can't focus as well as I used to so now if I'm writing or doing other work I usually hit pause. Still, though, my Spotify Wrapped always shows an insane amount of minutes.

123. Whats your favorite songs to work out to?

I'm an album guy and I'm usually listening to new music that's just come out, so nowadays I don't really have a go-to workout song. In 2017/2018 though I spent a lot of time running to Kendrick Lamar's DAMN. and also Blanck Mass while prepping for a marathon.

124. What’s your favorite songs to google focus to?

I don't know what this question means so I'm skipping.

125. If you could make a band out of your favorite musicians who would you hire?

Perfume Genius and Moses Sumney collab when? And why not throw in Sampha for a bonus.

126. If you could make the perfect album, which songs would you choose for it?

Oh I don't know about this question lol... As I already stated I'm an album guy already so I don't listen to many mixes or have the urge to hit shuffle very often.

127. Whats the best dressed artist/band?

Perfume Genius. Aesthetic is off the charts. Always a little sensual.

128. Which musicians do you know the most about?

I was obsessed with Green Day in middle school so definitely them lol. Or actually Thursday is pretty up there too since they were my high school obsession.

129. What’s your favorite fun fact about a musician/band you like?

Tom Delonge from blink-182's whole alien conspiracy thing is pretty funny.

130. What’s the craziest thing you’ve learned about the music business?

Don't know if this counts but the fact that Frank Ocean has a luxury brand that sells diamond cock rings is pretty up there lmao

[messrmoonyy]

Can I ask for Steven x Avenger reader? I have the idea in my head but I cant write so if you could that would be so awesome. so reader is an ex avenger and has the ability to read minds and maybe Marc and Steven are arguing over taking about readers past and reader reads their thoughts so she can hear them both at the same time? bonus if you could add some smut in too? sorry this is long and only write if you’re comfortable with it. Thank you anyway

Late night talking

Afab reader x Steven Grant / afab reader x Marc Spector ( background )

Not my gif

A/N- I LOVE ME A SUPER SPECIFIC REQUEST. Layla is mentioned but layla and Marc were never married, she’s readers friend. Oh also my first full reader insert one shot and not Drabble ever so that’s fun. Also my first time writing smut in YEARS. Go easy on me.

Warnings: 18+ mdni, afab reader, vague mentions of reader having trauma but nothing specific, DID as shown via the show moonknight and not medically accurate, smut- unprotected p in v , oral ( f receiving ). Think that’s all.

Word count: 4.9k

Masterlist- requests open!

Reblogs and comment greatly appreciated <3

When you woke up it was raining outside. The window open, a bit of a breeze coming through and the sounds of the evening traffic going by outside. Someone nearby was playing music, just far enough away that you could catch the beat but not quite guess the song. Music was playing somewhere in the flat too, and you could hear the sound of pages flicking in a book.

You opened your eyes and stretched, rolling your neck to ease the stiffness that had settled from your slightly odd position. You hadn’t meant to fall asleep for so long, just a quick nap you’d said before dropping off. But the night before you had been up until dawn, studying a long list of stolen artefacts from a dig site.

The boys no longer had Khonshu leering over their shoulders constantly and you no longer had obligations to the Avengers. But after a few months of long awaited normality. You’d actually gotten a little bored. And Layla had convinced you to dabble in the art of vigilante work again.

During the blip when what was left of the avengers had scattered, you’d teamed up with Layla and helped her recover stolen artefacts. Return them to their rightful owners out of the hands of people who wished to sell them on, ruining her fathers work as they did. It was how you’d met Marc. Both hunting for the scarab.

So when she’d asked you to assist her again after all the mess with Harrow…. Who were you to turn her down? You had nothing better to do really… and you were doing a good deed. In a round about way.

A glance at the alarm clock by the bed told you it was 8:57pm. You sighed knowing you’d be up all night again now, but at least you’d had some rest. You pushed yourself up and rubbed at your eyes, spotting what you automatically knew was Steven at his desk. The glasses perched on his nose and the way he was looking down at his book, you’d know it was Steven a mile off.

Marc hadn’t fronted for a couple days, in a sulk because he had wanted to go straight to Egypt again but Layla and Steven had agreed it wasn’t a great idea yet. Apparently the relics that had been stolen had a whole number of rumours surrounding them, curses and spells that shouldn’t be taken likely. Going in blind would only end badly.

Marc thought it was all bullshit, a way to scare away any wannabe thief. You and Steven knew better and decided to do some research first.

Steven hadn’t noticed you were awake yet, nose too deep in his book as he hummed along to the song playing. The room was dimly lit, the light from the fish tank, a string of fairy lights above the bed and Stevens desk lamp the only light in the room.

You slipped out of bed and over to the desk, stretching your arms out as you went. You only had a pair of pyjama shorts and one of Marcs shirts on and the chill from the window made goosebumps rise on your legs. Steven looked up as you reached the desk, slipping around the side to where he was sat. You wrapped your arms around his neck from behind and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek

“ hi “ you said softly, smiling at how cute he looked in his glasses.

“ You Alright love? “ he said with a warm smile and put his book down, pulling off his glasses. He pushed his chair back slightly already anticipating you wanting to climb into his lap. Which you did, slipping around his chair and sitting sideways on, looping your arms around his neck “ sleep well yeah? “

“ yeah. Probably going to be another all nighter though, you should have woken me up “ you said with a sigh and reached to brush some of his curls from his forehead.

“ you needed some sleep. Thought it was best to leave you be “ you smiled warmly and pressed a kiss to his nose in thanks.

“ what’re you reading? “ you asked with a nod towards the open book on his desk.

“ ugh traditional tomb curses “

“ cheery stuff “ you said with a tilt of your head, looking over at the book, picking it up with your free hand.

“ Egyptian afterlife stuff is easy but Layla thinks this group had some like mad idea about the afterlife bigger than the standard beliefs. They really wanted to protect their things but they also had these proper crazy ideas about magic, and would curse their tombs and the items inside of it. Like twice as much as what the standard practices were. Thought we should know about them before we go lookin for this stuff, but there’s not much Information beyond the standard practices in here. Maybe Layla will know more. Well. Hope she does. Don’t wanna get cursed now do we? “ he said with a little laugh as he held the other side of the book.

“ she knows just about everything there is to know about tombs. I’m sure she’ll have more information for us “ you said and turned the page “ I’ll book our flights tomorrow “ You noticed him glance towards the picture frame on the desk, a picture of you, his reflection a little visable “ Marc talking? “ you asked.

“ yeah “

“ what’s he saying? “ you asked softly moving your face closer to his as if you could see Marc in the frame too. Which of course you couldn’t, though sometimes you wished you could “ being miserable still? “ you teased, making Steven chuckle. He shrugged.

“ he thinks we’re being stupid and over cautious. He still thinks we should’ve gone out there already “ you placed the book back on the desk and sighed.

“ Marc you might wanna remember you don’t have a powerful healing suit anymore. And even if your did I don’t think it’d work on curses. Research is needed not head first charging into a possible waiting curse “ Stevens eyes remained trained on the frame, obviously listening to what Marc was saying “ go on what’s he saying now? “

“ I’m not repeating that “ Steven said to the picture frame and you rolled your eyes.

“ stop sulking “ you said towards the frame before turning to Steven again “ hes just jealous because we’re smarter and don’t wanna get a fucking curse “

“ right. And so much for us not having protection, you don’t either. You have your little magic thing but… won’t stop you getting cursed. Will it? “ he said quietly.

“ no. It won’t. And it’s not magic “ you said with a smile. He nodded and seemed to be deliberating on saying something else, the familiar look on his face as the cogs turned in his head.

“ talking of your powers…. actually was. Well. Was looking into things about- about your powers and. Is that okay I mean- “ he said suddenly, taking you slightly off guard. You didn’t really talk about it much. After all you’d known Marc first, he had been the one you had told. You just assumed he had told Steven all there was to know.

“ what did you find? “ you asked quietly and looked at him hesitantly. Steven definitely knew the majority of what you had been through, knew how and where your powers came from. Marc, he knew it in all its gritty and gruesome details. But you were always scared to tell Steven everything. You wondered what Marc had told him exactly. Maybe not a lot seeing he’d gotten curious and gone searching himself.

“ well I- Marc had some of your files. The coded ones. And after what Harrow had said back in Egypt. I was just curious I’m sorry “ Harrow had taken great pride in telling Steven that you were not to be trusted. That you were dangerous. You were a little hurt that Steven had gone snooping rather than just asking you. But you couldn’t be mad. You couldn’t blame him for his curiosity.

“ it’s okay “ you said softly. His arm that was around your waist tightened a little, his fingers fidgeting nervously.

“ what they did to you- “

“ Steven.. “

“ y/n. What they made you do I- “ he sighed and glanced at the picture frame again “ do you have… are those memories still in there? Is that why you have nightmares sometimes? “ you hadn’t spoken about your time in Hydra for a very long time. And now see Steven looking so hurt to even think about it? It made your heart ache. You were holding back tears at the look of pure sadness and despair on his face. You nodded slightly.

“ yeah. It’s still in there. That’s my nightmares “ his hand rose up to touch your temple gently.

“ wish I could take it all out “ his fingers drummed lightly against your skin and you closed your eyes for a moment, opening them to see Stevens eyes fixed on you “ just pluck it all out. Throw it away “ he dropped your eye contact for a moment and you knew Marc was talking to him. You hoped he wasn’t mad at Steven for asking. Talking was good he’d been the one to tell you that.

“ you okay? What’s he saying to you? “

“ wants to front “ he mumbled, seemingly fighting to keep him back and out of the metaphorical driving seat. They didn’t fight each off much anymore, quite happy and seamless in their switching. But sometimes, like in that moment, the other didn’t want to let the other out “ he said I shouldn’t be prying “

Stevens brow furrowed and he threw an annoyed look at the picture frame again, clearly Marc wasn’t giving up. You sighed, knowing Marc would just overwhelm Steven if he didn’t give over.

“ let me read? “ you asked quietly, your finger tips slipping into his hair. You never read minds without consent, especially theirs. Steven gave a small nod and you closed your eyes, both hands slipping into his hair to cradle his head. You always got a clearer read on them when you had contact with them. You took a deep breath, your fingertips ready to caress his brain and sort through the chaos inside.

It always took a moment to sort out where Marc began and Steven ended, even more so if Jake decided he wanted to be close to the front- Which was very rare-but once you did it was easy and clear. “ don’t go shy on me now Marc “ you mumbled, tilting your head as if to concentrate more and prod at the correct part of their brain.

He shouldn’t be meddling Marc’s voice flowed over your fingers and into your own mind like warm water.

“ I’m not. I was only asking “ Steven protested, a pout evident in his voice.

“ he’s allowed to be curious. He’s allowed to know. I love you. Both of you… we don’t keep secrets “

You don’t need your trauma digging back up again

“ that’s not your decision to make Marc “ sternness filtered into your words.

He shouldn’t be reading the files. He should’ve asked you if he’s so desperate to know you partially agreed on that but you didn’t want to make Steven feel bad for being curious.

“ maybe you shouldn’t have kept them “

“ I deserve to know to “ Steven spoke up again, his hold on your waist getting a little tighter. Possessive almost “ she’s my girlfriend too “

“ Steven. Calm down “ you sighed.

Fine. But if you scare him? It’s on you y/n your eyes flew open at that, fingers slipping from his hair as you disconnected from their mind.

“ y/n “ Steven grabbed your hands gently as you pulled away. You were always terrified of scaring him, always worried that your dark past would have him running from you. Marc accepted it. His own past was just as murky maybe even more so. But Steven? Marc had let him live a warm and sheltered life. He didn’t know hardships and death and despair. You were always worried one day he’d discover something that meant he’d never look at you the same way again.

“ Steven. I don’t want you to be afraid of me “ you almost whispered, those tears brimming in your eyes again.

“ what? Love, I’d never be afraid of you” he took your hand in his and pressed his lips to your fingertips “ I love you. Powers and past and everythin I- I love you so much. Exactly as you are “ your fingers brushed over his jaw with the hand he wasn’t holding, his eyes locking into yours with so much love and admiration it made your heart ache.

He knew what had happened to you. The things you had done. And yet he still looked at you like that? He had far too much goodness in his heart. Those eyes looked at you as if you were a goddess before him, some perfect being made just for him.

It was different to the way Marc looked at you, similar but somehow different. Marc adored you, loved you with all he had. He just didnt know how to show it as well. Steven practically worshipped the ground you walked on, and was more than happy to show the world that too “ I just want to understand you. You help me when I.. freak out. I wanna be able to help you, yeah? “

You closed your eyes and sighed a little but nodded.

“ I know. I’m sorry “ you cupped his face in your hands “ I love you too. For the record “

“ love you more “ you smiled and shrugged, taking the chance to change the subject. There had been enough discussion of your past for one night.

“ yeah? Prove it “ Stevens eyes flitted over to the picture frame again and you reached over, placing it face down “ don’t listen to him right now. Let him sulk “ Steven nodded and laced his fingers with yours “ focus on me “ the atmosphere had shifted slightly, his cheeks already flushing pink.

“ right yeah. Right “ you smiled at how awkward he still was. With Marc you were constantly fighting him for who was in control of the situation, often losing to him simply because you let him. It was different with Steven. Even now. Even after over a year since you had first met him.

“ or do you wanna. Wanna tell me more about the.. the curses? “ you asked softly, faltering slightly at the way his eyes were watching you now. He was like a lovesick puppy. You knew his answer already. But had to ask.

“ no. Wanna kiss you actually “ a smile pulled at your lips and you nodded slightly, cupping his cheek with your hand and leaning in. He always kissed so gently, like you were delicate and easily broken. It was a strong contrast to Marc. They were both so different. It was what you loved about them. How they showed their love in different ways.

Stevens hand pulled lightly at your hips, pulling you closer but still too nervous to really do anything. You took the hint and shuffled slightly so that you straddled him in his chair. His hands fell onto your hips, kneading gently, your fingers slipping up and lacing into his curls.

You rocked your hips lightly against him, testing the waters on whether or not he actually wanted to do anything other than make out. The way his own hips chased after yours gave the answer you wanted. You could feel him growing hard beneath you and he moaned into your mouth at the friction you were causing. You ground your hips down harder, seeing what sounds you could pull from him.

As usual he soon got more comfortable and his fingers slid under your- well. Marcs- shirt. His lips found your neck, gentle wet kisses to your skin but never ever marking you. That was Marcs job. Steven refused to lay a marking finger on you, Marc liked to litter your body in bites and bruises shaped like his fingers.

“ Steven “ you breathed out as his hands made their way up your back, bunching the shirt up as they went.

“ can I take- y/n- “ his fragmented question came with a light tug to the shirt.

“ yes. Yes please “ it was over your head quickly and he took a moment to marvel at your bare chest. Gazing at you as if you were a piece of art plucked right out of the museum.

“ Steven “

“ bloody perfect you are “ he almost whispered “ absolutely bloody perfect “ he leant forward, pressing more kisses across your throat and down your chest, his hands cupping your breasts gently. Always so scared of hurting. You tilted your head back, hair falling from your face as he took a nipple into his mouth.

You could feel his eyes on you, watching your every move, taking note of every sound you made, worshipping every part of you. You ground your hips down on him again, his suckling halting briefly at the feeling, a stuttering breath leaving him. You were certain you’d already soaked through your panties. Maybe even your shorts. He always wound you up ridiculously fast. You wondered if he could feel it.

“ would you piss off for just a bit? “ Steven suddenly grumbled and you looked back to him, confusion on your features.

“ Marc? “ you questioned, fingers raking through his curls as he looked up at you. He hummed an answer, turning to kiss you softly “ he’s listening? Talking to you? “ he nodded “ don’t listen. Focus on me. Okay? “ he nodded again and you trailed your hands down his chest and had his shirt over his head in seconds “ you’re so pretty “ you said softly, knowing it always made him melt. Marc hated it, you said it when you wanted to piss him off and have his way with you. But Steven loved it, had him eating out the palm of your hand.

He keened at the word, a breathy whimper leaving him. He closed his eyes as you held his head and brought him up to kiss you again “ so pretty “ you whispered between kisses, one hand tugging at his curls and the other trailing down his bare chest.

“ y/n “ he almost whined, rutting up against you as your fingers trailed along the waist band of his sweatpants. His fingers ghosted over your shorts, a testing press that made you gasp “ so wet “ he said mostly to himself. That confirmed your earlier query of soaking through the thin material of your shorts. He kissed you again and was tugging at your shorts with more confidence a second later. You helped him wiggle them down your legs, taking your panties with them, before placing yourself back on his lap.

His lips were back on you instantly, nudging his leg up against your now bare cunt as you rocked against him. You were definitely leaving a mark on his sweatpants, but he didn’t seem to care at all.

His thoughts were loud, you weren’t even trying to read him but with your hand on his neck it was impossible not to. Maybe it was because Marc was clearly still trying to push his way to the front, maybe it was because of how intimate the entire evening had been. You didn’t know. But there was no ignoring Marc’s voice as it flowed over you.

Sit her on the desk. Go on you didn’t know whether to laugh or whine. Marc was talking him through it. You wondered how long he’d been guiding him. And if he’d done it before. Steven still seemed hesitant as his hands slid around to hold hips again she’ll like it trust me he didn’t move straight away. Only deepened your kisses, letting you slip your tongue into the warmth of his mouth. You were certain you were soaking his sweatpants now and yet he still seemed too nervous to do anything. Even with Marcs prompts mate you need to touch her. You were going to get yourself off on his thigh if he kept up what he was doing.

It wasn’t like you’d never slept with him before. Gods there had been countless times. But he was always the same. Always nervous. Always gentle and scared. You didn’t know why. It was always in bed too. Marc took you wherever he felt like, any flat surface was good enough for you two. So this was new for Steven. Not that you were complaining.

“ Steven “ you said breathlessly, pulling away and holding his face in your hands “ need you. Need you right now “ that breathy whimper left his lips again and it seemed to urge him forward. He reached behind you and moved the book he’d been reading, with far too much care but you’d expect nothing less from him, before hoisting you up. Clearly taking Marcs idea. You shivered slightly, the cool wood of the desk a stark contrast to the warmth of his lap.

His lips were on you again, but only briefly.

“ can I taste you? “ he asked, eyes wide and practically pleading. You almost moaned just at the idea, nodding perhaps a little too enthusiastically at his request.

“ yes. Yes Steven please “ He pressed another kiss to your lips before dropping onto his knees, never letting his hands leave you. He pulled you to the edge of the desk and carefully pushed your legs apart.

His eyes didn’t leave you once as he pressed soft, wet kisses to your thighs. You clenched around nothing just at the sight. This man would be the death of you. Your breath hitched in your throat as he drew closer, his own hot breath fanning over you and making you shiver again. His fingers carefully spread you apart, His nose brushing against your clit. Your head fell back with a soft whine.

“ Steven “ he was still watching you intently as he licked a slow stripe between your folds, eliciting the most beautiful sounds from your mouth.

“ so good “ he mumbled against you, confidence seemingly drowning him as he began to devour you as if you were his final meal. He’d always been good at eating you out, it was always his favourite thing. To please you. He’d quite happily give you orgasm after orgasm without even bothering about himself. He’d go at it for hours, making you come over and over until you physically couldn’t take it anymore.

“ fuck- Steven- “ you gasped, hands sliding into his hair and tugging on his curls. He looked beautiful like that, giving you every ounce of his devotion, wide eyes still trained on your face “ pretty “ you breathed “ so pretty for me “ he had you on the edge unbelievably fast, even Marc couldn’t bring you so close so fast. And he’d known you far longer. Steven truly was a god when it came to pussy eating. You were certain.

“ taste so good “ he mumbled, eyes still trained on you “ so fuckin good “

When he slowly slid a finger into you you moaned so loud they probably heard you two floors down, even more so when a second quickly followed. His mouth was still preoccupied with your clit, and the mix of his tongue and his thick fingers curling up inside of you was too much. You could never get anything going with your own fingers, but his were magic you were sure “ Steven So. Close “ you whined.

He curled his fingers again, hitting the perfect spot that was your undoing and barely a minute later you were coming. Hard. You clenched your thighs around his head, moans loudly falling from your throat before you could bother to care about the open window. Steven continued to lap at you gently, helping to ride you though it and make sure every single second lasted as long as possible.

As usual he didn’t stop until you pushed at his head gently, too over stimulated for any more. He leant his head against your thigh as you came down, catching your breath. You looked down at him, chin glistening and a dopey lovesick expression on his face.

“ okay love? “ you gave a small laugh and nodded. You ran a hand over his hair and then nudged your fingers under his chin, urging him to stand again. He stood up from the floor and kissed you, making you moan into his mouth as you tasted yourself on his lips.

You felt him grind his crotch against your leg with a whimper, his surely painful erection clearly apparent.

“ it’s hurts? “ you asked, pulling away slightly and he whimpered, a small nod of the head following “ I got you babe it’s okay “ you pushed at his sweatpants, freeing his cock and taking it in your hand. The tip was swollen and red, leaking precum over your hand, you stroked him slowly watching his shoulders slacken slightly at the small relief in the pressure.

“ y/n. Y/n please “ he whispered, eyes scrunched close.

“ do you want my mouth? “ you asked as you placed kisses to his neck, nipping playfully at the exposed skin.

“ need to be inside you. Please “ you smiled at how polite he was, even then.

“ okay baby okay “ You said and nodded, spreading your legs a little further and lining him up at your soaked entrance. His hands fell to your hips, fingertips pressing into your flesh “ look at me “ you locked eyes with him as he pushed in, eyes fluttering closed briefly at the stretch but opening again as you inhaled deeply. He pushed in until you were filled to the brim, moaning into your ear in a way you were certain would make you come again in an instant. His body flush against yours and holding it for a moment.

“ okay? “

“ yes. Yes. So good baby I promise “ you whispered, your hand gripping at the curls in the nape of his neck.

And then he was moving. A gentle pace but so bruisingly deep you knew you’d be aching in a few hours time. His lips covered your skin, his hands roaming as if he wanted to touch every single part of you.

You rolled your hips to meet him, one of his hands gripping tightly at your hip and breathy whimpers leaving his mouth. With your hand on his neck you could hear Marc talking again, but you were too engrossed in Steven to listen to him. But his slight increase in speed gave you an idea of what he had said. It was still an agonising pace though, each long deep thrust hitting that spot just right “ fuck Steven “ You wrapped your legs around his waist, keeping him as close and deep as possible

“ so good. So good for me love. So good” he rambled into your ear, pressing kisses to your neck and shoulder. He was so gentle compared to Marc. One of his hands grabbed at yours, linking your fingers together, bringing it to his lips and kissing your knuckles “ look at you. Look so beautiful “ you almost wanted to laugh. He was calling you beautiful when he was stood right there looking like that? His curly hair a mess, parted lips all kiss swollen and pink. That was beauty. From the way he looked to the sounds he was making.

His moans went straight to your core, they were your favourite sound on earth. He had been embarrassed at first, but you’d made sure he knew just how much you loved him being vocal. Loved every single sound you could pull from him, every whimper and whine, every moan and stuttered breath. Nothing gave you more pleasure than knowing you making him sound like that. No one else. You.

“ can we- can. Want you to ride me “ he stuttered, cheeks flushing even warmer if that were even possible. You nodded and pressed another bruising kiss to his lips.

He stopped briefly, picking you up and sitting back down in his chair. He always did love watching you ride him.

You held his shoulders, rising almost completely off of him before dropping back down. He seemed mesmerised as he watched you get into a steady pace, rolling your hips against him.

“ so fuckin good look at you “ His hands found your breasts again, squeezing and pinching your nipples before smothering them in kisses “ so beautiful so perfect “ Marc was an ass man, but Steven? He’d have his face between your tits all day if he could. You guessed that was why he loved you on top so much.

“ fuck you’re so good “ you whined, angling your hips so that his cock was so deep inside you it made you see stars. You almost wanted to cry at the feeling of complete and utter pleasure rippling through you.

A familiar pressure was building, tightening inside of you, and you knew you weren’t going to last much longer. Thankfully he seemed to be same.

He was still sucking at your nipple but his hands were back on your hips, holding you as he began thrusting up into you.

“ so close Steven. Please make me come please “ you whined and pulled his head up, pressing your forehead to his as his thrusts grew sloppy. His thumb pressed against your clit, rubbing slow circles, revelling in the way your lips parted in pleasure.

“ want you to come for me. Come on love you can do it. Come for me, let me see how pretty you look when you come” that was enough for that pressure to explode, your orgasm crashing into you. Your fingernails dug into his shoulder as he kept thrusting, drawing it out as long as possible, your eyes screwed shut as you cried out his name. Neighbours be dammed.

He slowed down to a deeper and agonisingly slow pace when you opened your eyes again, his hands running up and down your back.

“ almost there. Can you keep going for me love? “ you nodded and brushed your nose against his, closing your eyes as your sensitive walls clenched around him “ knew you could. So good for me “ his pace picked up again and you looped your arms around his neck, as his cock thrust into your sensitive cunt a few more times “ y/n- need to. Can I- inside? “ his broken question was punctuated by breathy moans, his brow furrowing.

“ yes. Come inside me baby I know you need to” two more thrusts and he was gone holding your hips tightly to keep himself as deep as possible. His orgasm wracking his body and shooting hot ropes of come over your walls.

His head dropped to your shoulder as his grip on tou loosened, breathing heavily as he came down. Shaking slightly. You wrapped your arms around him, a hand slipping into his hair. You pressed a kiss to his temple and smiled.

“ you okay? “ you asked softly, running your fingers through his curls and pressing more kisses to his head. He didn’t answer for a moment, just held you.

“ bloody perfect “ he said with a goofy smile, lifting his head from your shoulder and dropping a gentle kiss to your swollen lips. You giggled, shaking your head.

“ goof “ you dropped a gentle kiss to his nose, his forehead and his lips, cupping his face in your hands “ shall we go take a shower? “ he wrapped his arms tightly around you and shook his head, dropping his face into your neck.

“ in a minute. Just stay for a sec yeah? “ you ran your fingers through his hair and wondered if you’d actually be able to stand a shower, your entire body felt like jelly “ I’m sorry for prying earlier “ he said softly, lifting his head, looking at you with those beautiful brown puppy eyes of his.

“ it’s okay you deserved to know. But you can always ask me about any of that you know. It’s okay “ he nodded and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You didn’t want to talk about it now though and he seemed to get the picture.

“ shower yeah? “ you previous worry about standing was washed away as he scooped you into his arms and carried you into the bathroom with a million whispered I love you’s on the way.

[honeyabyss]

Mc falling asleep next to them

Lucifer:

he had been working nonstop for hours now and the pile of yet to be read and signed documents wasn't getting any smaller

you had been sitting in his study silently working on your own assignments, that was until you've finished them about an hour ago

pacing his room in boredom and looking at the stuff he keeps in his closets (mostly books, records and demonus)

"Could you stop wandering around, you're irritating me!" Lucifer is stressed, annoyed, etc and your sighs, constant footsteps and opening and closing of closet doors, didn't help him to concentrate

you could have left the room and found something else to do, but you were determined to spend some time with him, as the evening work hours are quite literally the only hours where you can be alone with him

so instead you seeked permission for putting on a record to have at least some entertainment, which was both a good and a bad choice at the same time

yes you had something to enjoy and relax to, but the relaxing part worked a little bit too well

after a good ten minutes you were sleeping peacefully, stretched out all over his sofa with no care in the world

"I'm going to take a small break and get some coffee. Do you want something as well?" Lucifer asked only to be met with silence, which he didn't appreciate

he was about scold you for being rude, when his gaze fell on your sleeping form and the words seemed stuck in his throat

how could you sleep so peacefully right next to one of the strongest demons of hell, he honestly didn't know if he was pleased you found comfort in his presence or if he should be annoyed that you don't take him serious enough

nonetheless you seemed to have a good sleep and as this is often near impossible in the House of Lamentation, he decided to let you sleep

he got himself his coffee and once back in his study he moved his workplace to the small coffee table and took a seat next to you on the sofa

he adjusted your form so you weren't hanging half of the edge and put his coat over your sleeping form for some warmth

"Foolish little lamb, letting your guard down in a house of wolves, good thing I'm here to protect you..."

Mammon:

"And then I, the Great Mammon, made an action movie worthy escape and totally didn't run away in a panic, because Lucifer was chasing me..."

he had been telling you how exactly he got into the situation of hanging from the ceiling once again, as you've tried as careful as possible to cut him free, which was harder then expected with the way he kept moving around

once finally free, he dropped onto the ground, whining about the rope burns he got basically all over his body, though demons heal quicker, it still wasn't a nice feeling

with a sigh you offered him your hand and pulled him up and away to your room to give him some of the salve Satan had made you the last time you had accidentally cut yourself while cooking

you sat a flustered Mammon onto your bed while you went ahead and searched through your bathroom cabinets that were filled with products Asmo had gifted you, when you finally found it you asked Mammon to hold still while you put some salve onto his burned skin

"W-what?! N-no way! I don't need your help, I can do that on my own!" and with that Mammon stormed away with your salve and locked himself into your bathroom

you knew better then to argue at this point, Mammon would do what Mammon wants to do...until he fails and seeks protection behind your back...

be it because he is embarrassed, doesn't know how to open the salve tube, or because there were so many rope burns...but Mammon took quite long to apply the crème, leaving you to wait for him for at least half an hour now

helping out Mammon can become quite tiring, not that you mind helping him or don't like being around him, but a nap sounds nice right now

and so you lay down in your bed, it is after all your room, and just because Mammon is currently camping out in your bathroom, doesn't mean that you can't take a nap

Mammon comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later, he probably needed a few more minutes to build up courage to face and thank you, but he is met with the sight of you sleeping on your bed

Mammons brain is working overdrive, trying to figure out if he should leave the room quietly, wake you up or stay and watch over you...then again he doesn't want to be seen as a creep by you, but he can't deny that he would like to stay with you

he carefully climbs into bed and pushes you a bit further in so you sleep on the wall side and don't fall off in case you move, it takes five more minutes until Mammon risks putting his arm around you all while holding his breath in anticipation of your rejection, when none comes he settles a little closer to you and falls asleep as well

"Don't worry my human, the Great Mammon is gonna keep you warm and protected in your sleep!"

Bonus: even though you two fall asleep next to each other with only Mammons arm wrapped around you, expect him to wake up on top of you holding you like your his pillow

Leviathan:

it was 5am and Levi and you were currently waiting in line in front of a shop to get your hands on a new limited edition Ruri-Chan figurine

surprisingly enough even though you turned up quite early, there were a good amount of people in front of you

the shop would only open a 9am so you still had a long time to queue in the coldness of the devildom morning

"Ah that is not fair! We planned everything so carefully, it was the perfect timing, why aren't we first in line?" Levi complained while standing on his tiptoes to be able to see and count the demons in front of him, coming to the conclusion that if everyone were to buy one figurine he'd still be able to buy one for himself...and whatever you might want

you weren't the happiest when he told you about his plan a few weeks prior and getting woken up this early you might have been a little slower than usual in getting yourself ready, now that you were here you couldn't help but feel a little guilty

you tried to cheer Levi up with the argument that if you were longer in line that also meant you could spend more time together, which resulted in Levi turning into a blushing but happy mess

you put down the blanket you've brought and made yourself comfortable on it, Levi joining you but looking a bit stiff from the closeness

you ate a breakfast consisting out of sandwiches made with whatever was left after Beels midnight snack, which wasn't much but better than nothing

afterwards as there was still a lot of time to pass you started to play some games on his Switch, trying to stay awake

the emphasis lies on 'trying', because after 2 hours or so you start to fall asleep, eyelids and limbs heavy, you don't have the energy left in you to fight the sleep and so you nod off, your head falling onto Levis shoulder who had been inching closer over the period of time...to be able to better see the Switch display not to be closer to you...

Levi.exe has stopped working

there he sits red as a tomato with Mc sleeping on his shoulder, the queue in front of him starts to pack up and move as the shop gets ready to open up, his Switch display is showing the game over screen, his mind feels fogged over and he has no idea how to react now

Mc just fell asleep and Levi feels guilty to wake them...but they have to move...

"H-hey Mc? T-the line i-is moving? Wake up....please..." his attempts are way to quiet for you to hear and even as he gently shakes your shoulder you do not wake, leaving Levi quiet in a dilemma

"N-no other choice..." he says as he packs up the stuff alone, leaving only you sitting on the cold floor...he can't just leave you here..

Levi turns into his demon form, his hands shaking and eyes flitting across your from and over the crowd of other demons, before he carefully lifts you into his arm, his tail wrapping around you as well for more stabilization, so he has one hand free to carry his shopping bag later

he never bought something faster than that day, he got his figurine and even bought you some anime merch he knew you had stated to like, all while feeling like he was running the worst fever of his life and receiving stares, giggles and smug smiles from way too may people, that was enough attention for at least a century for Levi...but he did like holding you in his arms

"This is not fair! I have to deal with all the embarrassment while you sleep...but I guess it's okay if it's for you..."

Satan:

Satans last anger fit had caused way more damage than usually, it had taken place in the library when Mammon had tried to steal a very rare book about spells, to sell it after he found out how rare it actually is...now that lead to Satan throwing down and emptying almost all bookshelves and kicking Mammon through the room

While Mammon was strung upside down from the ceiling, Satan was forced to clean up the library alone, but you had pity on him as there were quite a lot to clean up, if Lucifer doesn't find out you helped there will be no consequences

Satans opinion about you helping was split, first of all he was really thankful for the help even though he was at fault for the chaos, having to clean up all alone was a bit much, but on second thought Satan was worried that you tried to go against Lucifers orders, he's proud of you for defying his eldest brother but also feels like it's a stupid idea

but you have made your mind up and so while Satan repairs and stands up the shelves, you begin to put the books in, you might not know the exact way they stood like Satan, but for now getting them off the floor is the priority

there aren't many words spoken as you silently work away, only once in a while you point out a book which got a bit more damage, the cover hanging off loosely or a few pages ripped out, you two decide depending on the damage if it can be fixed or not

every now and then Satan asks you to hold a piece of a shelf together while he fixes it, he is surprisingly fast and knows exactly how to repair it...just as if he had to do it more than once in a while...

"Oh Mc? Can you give me the screwdriver? No no that one, the one with the cross head is what I need..." you had no idea there were so many different tools, and wouldn't be the slotted one sufficient if you just angled it right? Satan just laughs and let's you try it for yourself, only for you to fail, he then shows you how to do it correctly guiding you through fixing your first shelf

"The last shelf is standing again, I'll help you with the book now." Satan pointed out, a small ray of hope now that only the books were left, you didn't reply, which honestly wasn't really necessary, but a small affirming noise would have been nice, so Satan tries to keep the 'conversation' going, while he works on the books with his back turned to you

"...you're still ignoring me? Are you angry at me for making such a mess? You know you didn't have to help...you can go, no need to act like all high and mighty!" he was getting angry again, yes he did make a mess, but he didn't do anything to you! Had he? He couldn't remember, but humans might interpret actions and words differently…he didn't want you to be mad at him, and neither did he want to get angry at you, but with you ignoring him it became quite difficult to keep his voice low

having enough and wanting to make up before it gets worse, he makes his way over to you, who was leaning against a shelf with a book in your hand

as he sits down next to you and turns your body to him through a guiding hand on your shoulder, he startles, you fell asleep in a sitting position? That sounds more like something Belphie would do...Isn't that uncomfortable?

You must have been exhausted after filling up three shelves of books and fell asleep midway on your fourth shelf, Satan chuckles amused and relieved you aren't mad at him but simply sleeping

He picks you up and brings you to your room where he lies you down in your bed, covering you with the blanket and hesitantly stroking your hair before going back to cleaning up the library

"Thank you for being so patient with me and helping me! You can rest now and I'll make it up to you later!"

Bonus: he will most definitely take you out on a date of your choice, even if he doesn't enjoy the idea as much as you

Asmodeus:

Asmo had taken you out shopping, as he claimed his wardrobe was not having the right clothes anymore so he had to get new ones fast

he had dragged you through town for the whole day and you two only returned home late in the afternoon, you completely exhausted and ready to drop in your bed, while Asmo while being slightly tired, still insisted on putting on all the clothes and showing them off to you and his followers on Devilgram

he entrusted you with his D.D.D to take some nice amazing shots of him to gain even more followers, though that seemed impossible as it already felt as if the whole population of hell was already subscribed to his account

but as long as all you had to do was hold the D.D.D up and click the screen for a picture, you were fine, you sat down on Asmos bed trying not to disturb the bags of clothes that lay there as well

Asmos screen lit up nearly every few seconds with a new message, how did this man not get crazy with all the message?! And he must check them all, because whenever you write him, he is on and writing back instantly...maybe you should steal his D.D.D from time to time to get him away from it...

While Asmo was changing into new clothes in the bathroom, you could hear him humming a happy tune, clearly in his element and enjoying his time, which made you happy as well, but the exhaustion was still plaguing you and the bed felt unbelievably comfy and on top of that the humming of Asmo was slowly lulling you into sleep

"Oooh Mc~ I especially like this top! Just look how nicely it fits, it shows of my best parts, which are all of me haha...hey Mc?~ Look at me!" Asmo pouted as you stayed put on his bed, and climbed over your form, already expecting you to start pushing him off, only to get concerned when you don't

then he sees your eyes are closed and you seem to be peacefully asleep, he instantly coos at your sweet sleeping expression, the back of his hand caresses you cheeks softly, but you don't react much besides moving a bit into am ore comfy position

Asmo backs off and begins to put down his bags, then he tucks you under his covers and climbs right in with you, pulling you close so that you lie on his chest, his arms encircling you to keep you put

the pictures for Devilgram are forgotten for now, they're not running away anyway, you two can continue another time, but for a beauty nap sounds good

"Oh Mc! You look so cute when you're sleeping...next time tell me you need a break, I'm happy to cuddle you while you're recovering!"

Beelzebub:

you had decided to stay a bit longer at RAD today, because you still had something to discuss with one of the teacher, as well as doing some research for an essay that was due next week

most of the brothers had already left for home or different work related activities, except Beel who had Fangol practice today after school, and as you were not allowed to walk around the Devildom without someone accompanying you for protection, all that was left for you was to wait for Beel to finish his practice, which usually took place for about two hours

you sat down on one of the benches at the side of the field, waving to Beel so he knew you where you were and could keep an eye on you

you worked away on your homework and checked you D.D.D from time to time replying to all the messages you got

the practice seemed to be still not finished even after two hours had passed and you were getting a bit tired from sitting around, but you also couldn't just wander off, Beel might start worry...plus the risk of running into a less friendly demon was still a thing

so you shifted from one position into another not really being able to get comfortable on the hard wooden bench

the ground seemed to be comfier with every minute passing, and so you lay down ignoring the weird looks of the team and trainers, you're body simply wasn't made to sit on this bench longer than necessary

"Here you can wrap yourself in this...it's getting cold. Training is almost over, just hold out a few more minutes!" Beel came over and gave you his jacket and you quickly put it on revelling in his warmth

but here is the problem the jacket made you feel so comfortable that you fell asleep, right on the floor next to a few dozen demons

"We're finished! I'm hungry, let's go get something to eat, any wishes what you want?" Beel was packing his stuff and rambling on about how he could eat at least one year worth of food, training having starved him quite a lot

but when you didn't respond he grew worried and kneeled down next to you, gently resting his hand on your side, he simply laughed when he saw you fell asleep, he is used to it due to Belphie, so he carefully picks you up and carries you home, deciding to order food once there

just Beel giving you a piggy back home, softly smiling to himself and being happy you've come to be so at ease around demons..still at bit worried, but he'll protect you, no worries

"I'll stay by your side until you wake up...and then we can eat lots of good food...please just don't sleep too long or I might have to eat before you wake up."

Belphegor:

so there he was, sleeping, on your bed, in your room, without an invitation...and honestly it wasn't even a surprise anymore, coming home after a work shift at Hell's Kitchen and just wanting to sleep, but no there was no space for you on the bed

I have no idea how, but he manages to occupy the whole bed, and hog blanket and pillows to himself as well

if only he was easy to wake, just to tell him to move over, but no he wouldn't wake up unless you pulled the big guns and nobody wants to face the consequences after one dumped water bottle on his head, it would be a hundred times easier and less dangerous to wake Satan

but you were really tired and just wanted to cuddle into your bed, maybe you could maneuver him with a bit strength..actually forget that...you could always call Beel for help to carry him to his own bed, but by the way he was clinging to your blanket and pillows, that would only end in a empty mattress to sleep on and then you would get cold...

honestly it was his own fault at this point you had threatened him to do it, but he had just laughed it off...

and so you climbed into bed and lay down on top of him, wrapping your arms around him so that you would get at least his body warmth if not the blanket

to your surprise he didn't wake up and he was really comfy, his rhythmic breathing was really relaxing and it didn't take you long to fall asleep

after some time Belphie wakes up with you wrapped around him, he quickly realises that you're asleep, but is stunned nonetheless that you would actually have the guts to sleep on top of him with the risk of waking him up in a bad mood

"That's quite bold of you! You didn't think I will let that slip though, right?" he chuckles amused but shifts nonetheless to make room for you, his embrace is tight, and he hopes just a little bit that you wake up, so he can tease you, but you stay asleep looking content with your new position

"I suppose I could go for another nap...now that I have my favourite pillow with me, sleeping will be even better!" he cuddles you, just like the blanket and pillows...which you don't get any of by the way, but you get Belphie so that's even better, he's gonna keep you warm, don't worry

"You're such a odd human...no idea why I like you...anyway just stay here in my arms and sleep!"

Diavolo:

yesterday was amazing, Dia had taken you to a trip in the human world and you had showed him around, visiting as many places as you two could

what you didn't know was that he had actually sneaked out of the castle to spend time with you

well you didn't know until a very angry Barbatos opened a portal right in front of you two and started lecturing Dia for at least one hour

you felt a bit guilty that you were the indirect cause of this and quickly apologised to him promising to make it up

so here you were in Dias office, overseeing him to do his work so he couldn't sneak out again and Barb didn't have to find him

after all if the reason for sneaking out was right in his room then he had no reason to go, besides the intimidating amount of work left on his desk after yesterdays excurse

Dia worked concentrated for most of the time, only now and then staring out of the window or talking to you

"Isn't it boring to watch me work? I can work alone, I promise to run away...or else Barbatos might get a heart attack from shock of seeing me gone again" he chuckled while signing another document

you reassured you didn't mind sitting next to him in silence, you had a good book borrowed from Satan, tea and cookies from Barbatos and you could stare at Diavolo all day long

your last statement made Dia flush red quite quickly and he tried to distract himself with his work, he slouched over in his chair trying to escape your gaze, but you were having none of it

your arms snaked around his waist and your head came to lean on his shoulder, Dia stiffened not sure how to react he liked the feeling of you hugging him, but now he was scared to move too much as not to disturb you or accidentally hit you with his elbow while trying to write

after a few more documents his eyes flit over to your face, cheek squished against his shoulder, eyes closed and breathing calmly

"Mc? Are.. are you sleeping?" he is whispering trying not to be too loud in case you are truly sleeping, and that you are! A soft smile graces his lips, nobody was ever this relaxed around him, he is proud and wants you to stay asleep as long as possible

he keeps working until Barbatos knocks on the door, coming in and announcing to have brought more tea, only to stop when he sees the sight in front him, Mc holding onto Dia, head resting on his shoulder and sleeping, while Dia put his finger to his lips to tell him not to be too loud

you sleep for an hour or so until Dia really has to move, apologising multiple times for having to wake you

"I'm glad you're able to relax around me, please continue to be yourself! My shoulder is always there for you to nap!"

Barbatos:

"You liked the cake that much? I'm flattered! I could teach you how to make it if you'd like?"

you had been over for tea at the castle and the chocolate cake with black-as-hell cherries was the best cake you've ever ate, it was bittersweet in taste not too much sweetness and not too much bitterness, paired with the melting chocolate, you could have eaten the whole cake on your own

you doubt you'd be able to get the same ingredients in the human realm but maybe you could find similar ones, so you were more than willing to learn with Barbatos

and so you arranged to meet the next Sunday afternoon for a baking session

Barb let you into the castle already awaiting you at the door even though you were early

you two worked on the cake, Barb explaining each step carefully, even for the easiest steps he takes his time to explain and help you, being very patient with you no matter how much you screw up

"Next we have to melt the chocolate in a pot. Wait a minute I turn on the stove for you" while you put the chocolate pieces into a pot, Barb moves behind you and turns on the stove, his arms brushing your sides, yet he stays fully focused, what can't be said for you

the cake is put together quickly with you two working together and while it bakes in the oven and the chocolate is meting, you two go ahead and start cutting and coring the rest of the cherries to decorate the cake later

"Here have a taste, they're bitter at first but the aftertaste is nicely sweet!" He holds out a cored cherry for you to taste and eats one himself, smiling gently at you while you sniff at the fruit first, which smells exactly like a normal human world cherry

the only thing left to do is wait for the cake so you two sit down for some tea at a small table in the kitchen, talking about the week, when Diavolo calls for Barb and he quickly excuses himself to help the prince out

the sweet aroma of the baking cake, the warmth of the tea and the very comfy chair you're sitting in, are a dangerous combination making you fall asleep

as Barb returns he sees you with your head lying on your folded arms on the table, clearly asleep, Barb decides to eave you there while cleans the kitchen and checks on the cake half an hour later

"Mc? The cake is ready to be decorated do you want sleep or do you want to help me?" somewhat embarrassed you stand up and help him with the decorations , Barb acts if nothing happened but he can't help but think about your gentle expression while you slept

"Next time I'll let you sleep longer... I wouldn't mind if you visited me for your naps if that meant I could see you more often."

Solomon:

learning magic was many things: exciting, frustrating, dangerous, fun...but sometimes it also was unbelievable boring

like when you think about magic, you think about casting charms, curses, making potions and all that stuff, but nobody told you that beforehand you have to learn everything about the new spell or etc in theory!

so here you were sitting with Solomon as he rambled on about how while the shrinking charm could have really bad side effects if casted wrong, sure it was important to know how to cast it correctly but did you really have to listen on to everything that might go wrong?

listening to all this just make you feel less confident, I mean technically you were practicing with a tea cup to shrink, so shrinking only a part of it wouldn't be too bad of a side effect, but what if you used too much pressure and made the cup explode and you'd hurt Solomon in the process?!

You took a deep breath, which made Solomon stop talking as he looked at you questioningly

"Anything wrong? Already giving up? Is it toom much?" his light teasing was meant to make you relax, but all you could do was give a small, stiff smile, signalling for him to continue and he did, after messing up your hair with his hand giving you a huge grin, but he talked slower now giving you more glances to make sure you were still alright

"How about a small break? I'll make us some tea..." he stood up and made some tea...in a beaker over a Bunsen burner..this weirdo..

the tea didn't taste weird though, it was just normal tea, even though the preparation would have made Barbatos get a stroke

after the break he was back to full tutor mode and your concentration slipped with each new word, until your head falls down, your chin resting on your chest comfortably, you had fallen asleep right before him

Solomon notices instantly that you're asleep and starts laughing so loud that you wake up again, he is crying and gasping for breath at your flustered state and you hit for good measurement on the arm

"Am I that boring? Fine if you're tired you can rest on my bed. I'll read you a bedtime spell book..." he doesn't stop laughing and teases you endlessly, you better be on your toes around him, you won't be hearing the end of this

"Hey sleepyhead? Do you want me to read you into boredom? I won't take pictures of your sleeping and drooling self...No promises made though..."

Simeon:

He was staring blankly at his manuscript, writers block had been plaguing him for quite some while now, but the new chapter had to be sent to the company until next week

you had offered to help him out maybe you could give him some ideas, so he invited you over and let you read the latest chapter so you'd know what had happened

you sat in his room brainstorming ideas on a small extra sheet trying your best to help Simeon out who looked quite lost

"Do you think that would work? Doesn't if feel a bit too rushed? But maybe if we combined these two ideas together..." he seemed to had found something and began to roughly write up a plan for his further writings

he continuously asked you questions about the smallest details, it was kind of cute that he relied so much on you, he probably could have done the rest himself as well, yet he kept involving you into the whole process

while his one hand scribbled like a madman, his other rested on your arm occasionally lightly squeezing it, reminding you that he didn't forget about you

you slowly fell asleep, the sounds of each others breathing, the pen scratching over paper and the ticking of the clock hanging on the wall, the inly sounds to be heard

"What about this part? How do you think it could go from here?...Mc?" he wasted no time in making sure you were lying comfortably, putting his cloak over your form and still squeezing your arm from time to time while he continued to write late into the night

only then did he notice, the brothers might worry about your absence, should he wake and bring you home? or should he let you sleep here and inform Lucifer about your safety? but the sofa you were currently sitting on, would make your back hurt if you continued to sleep here

it took him some time debating with himself, but came to the conclusion to carry you to his bed and tuck you in, giving you a forehead kiss like he was used to with Luke, only to realise what he'd done and quickly scrambling away in embarrassment to give Lucifer a quick call about the situation

"Have sweet dreams my lamb! I'll be guarding you in any realm, even the dream realm!"

Luke:

Luke, Simeon and you were having a small movie evening, watching some old Disney movies

Simeon didn't allow you to watch something else to protect Luke, but you didn't mind too much

you were having some freshly made desserts by Luke who had worked on them the whole day, as he was very excited for your meetup

you watched a few movies, talking, laughing and joking together, just having fun

"Huh? They called the mean cat Lucifer? Hahah how fitting, he kind of even looks like the real Lucifer! Ah, don't tell him that though!" Luke really liked to compare the different characters to the people he knows, but when there actually were a cat called Lucifer he was quite surprised...who would want their cute pet to be called like a demon? Why not call them angel names? Michael is a pretty cool name...

over the time you became more and more tired and Simeon seemed to notice, suggesting on stopping for today and continuing another time, but Luke convinced you two of one more movie

unfortunately you didn't last the final movie and fell asleep cuddled underneath the blanket between Simeon and Luke

Luke took some time to notice, only seeing it when he turned to you wanting to tell you his opinion about the last scene

"Oh! Simeon... Mc fell asleep..." Simeon already knew, as you had fallen onto his shoulder, not that he minded, he just told Luke to stay quiet and watch the rest of the movie

Luke cuddled up to you to keep you warm and occasionally glanced at you to make sure you were okay, and there cuddled next to you he as well fell asleep...trapping Simeon underneath your combined weight, making it impossible for Simeon to get out of the bed, so you three just slept together that night

"Don't worry Mc! I'll keep all demons away from you while you sleep!"

[wuntrum]

I love your art & your style! I’m also an artist & I want to be a full time artist one day, but I'm not sure how that may look, so.. Do you do art full time? If so how does it look for you personally?

sorry if this is an intrusive question, I just want to learn more :) Thank you! have a good day!!!!

hi!! i feel like this is gonna be a long answer so i'm gonna put this under a read more haha

so being an artist full time looks different from one artist to another---there's so many different ways artists can support themselves, some methods i don't even know about! keep that in mind, as the stuff that i'm doing right now isn't the Only way to do art full time :)

right now i'm doing art full time-i'm in a weird sort of spot where i either need to just Commit and really pursue art full time, or get a job...but that latter has proven difficult with my mental health, so either i'm gonna stay full time, or get a part time job once i see a psychiatrist LOL. i'm in a very fortunate spot where my rent is cheap (for the city i live in) and my parents are able to hypothetically help me with that if i were to ever need it, so that's certainly a factor in how i went from graduating -> freelancing. (i did also work a full time job back in july/august, and that money has helped me with doing art full time too).

my main income is through commissions---i've been doing album covers mostly, but i think for the future i want to explore getting an agent and representation so i can start doing bigger jobs like book covers and that sort of thing. i don't loooooove doing commissions to be honest---i love my clients, especially the ones who i've worked with over and over again, they mean the world to me---but in terms of actual fulfillment through art, i don't feel super fulfilled doing that. so long term, i'd ideally like to not take on as much commission work, or at least only do the stuff that i'm really excited about, y'know?

along side that i have some other "passive" income (i put passive in quotes because there's obviously still work that goes into setting them up lol), mainly my inprnt shop and instagram reels. inprnt has been a HUGE lifesaver because i don't have to ship any of the prints myself, and the profit margin's a lot bigger than other print-on-demand services like redbubble (it's not perfect; you have to wait a month for transactions to clear, and there's a certain threshold you have to make before you can withdraw the money...and it takes like a full week for it to actually show up in your paypal but i digress). getting people to buy the prints is the hardest part, but if you can do that, it's great! (it took me years to get my first pay out on inprnt, but now i can do it 1-2 times a month) if you have a certain amount of followers on instagram you can get their reels bonus, where basically if you make reels they pay you for how many views it gets; it used to be Awesome but now its just okay, the amount of money vs amount of views ratio has gotten a lot worse (used to be able to make $180 for ~40k views, last month i got paid $115 for 140k).

something i used to do and plan on doing again is creating an online shop! people make merch of all types; i've personally dabbled in zines and prints, i'd love to make more stickers and apparel. now this definitely has some things you need to consider: there's a lot of cost involved in actual manufacturing, getting the stuff you need to ship orders, buying shipping labels, etc. etc....i would recommend starting small, like just selling stickers + shipping them with normal USPS stamps, to get used to the workflow of owning your own shop. but, its definitely something to consider! if you like designing for physical products and want to actually Make things and see people WIth those things, it can be a viable avenue to explore! (i definitely plan on exploring it more, to say the least).

there's also subscription services like patreon and ko-fi, which allow you to set up a membership so that people can pay you directly and support what you're doing. if you can get people to join, i think this is great! the main issue is the actual getting people to join part...and to be honest, that's something i've struggled with myself. i thiiiink i'm gonna switch from the ko-fi i have now to a patreon, just because people seem to recognize the name more. i'm also gonna assess what i'm actually offering people, i really wanna do a postcard of the month? or maybe a zine club sort of thing? i'd recommend looking at other artists' patreons and see what they're providing, to get an idea of what that can look like. ideally, i would love to just be able to support myself through patreon and make all the silly little stuff i want to...we'll see if i can make that happen!

there's also selling originals, if you work traditionally as opposed to digitally. again, this is something i wanna get more into in the future. there's challenges to this as well, just like anything, but if you prefer to make art with physical materials, then selling that original artwork can be a great revenue stream!

in terms of social media you can also explore being a youtuber or a streamer...those have a lot of moving parts, and you really need to commit in order to see success in those fields, but if you like producing/editing videos or like the performance/live community aspect of streaming, that's something to look into as well! those people make most of their money through sponsorships / things like patreon, but having that additional revenue stream of adsense or twitch subs can't hurt!

another thing to keep in mind is that this sort of stuff can vary a lot from month to month! i won't be seeing the actual pay out until november (or maybe december? honestly don't know LOL) but i'm part of the shortbox comics fair this month, so that's another source of revenue that i didn't/don't have access to beyond october! the amount of, for example, support you get for a new launched product, or how well a piece performs (which then leads to people buying prints of it), or how many people reach out to you for freelance work changes a lot from one month to the next. my biggest piece of advice if you want to pursue art full time is to have as many different sources of income as possible! that way, you can account for the inherent instability of freelancing, instead of not being able to pay your bills because no one's buying your stickers right now.

i hope this helps!!! and i hope all the financial talk wasn't too dread-inducing 😭 i'd definitely recommend asking other artists too and getting their feedback; like i said at the start, "full time artist" looks different from one artist to the next <3

[popopretty]

🌟GUIDE TO NAVIGATE MY BLOG🌟

So after years of using Tumblr, I finally feel the need to create a pinned post. I hope it helps you find things you need easier in this mess of a blog that I created. Also, please read the FAQs below for commonly asked questions ^^

Bungou Stray Dogs related posts:

All BSD (not spoilers free - nothing in this blog is)

Monthly chapter summaries (more like write-ups cuz I just write down everything)

Storm Bringer related posts (translations, replies to asks, summaries etc.)

The Day I Picked Up Dazai - Size A related posts

The Day I Picked Up Dazai - Size B related posts

Translations of Asagiri’s comments on characters in BSD exposition (updating irregularly)

Vanitas no Carte related posts

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun related posts

Piko related posts

My scans and translations of bonus or omakes (mostly but not all BSD)

Merch sellings, group orders (mostly but not all BSD)

Answers to asks

My BL sideblog

❓QUESTIONS I GOT ASKED A LOT❓

- Where do you find your raws? I don’t “find” them. I buy them through sites like bookwalker or animatebookstore, sometimes Amazon or just any website that provide digital books.

- Why do you always get the raws earlier? I don’t. I am the type who can’t wait so I always buy the new chapter the very moment it is released, which might make you think I somehow get the chapters before everyone. Japan has a “flash get” system where the physical stores might have things on the shelf a few days before the actual release date and I sometimes got my hands on my copy early that way but I try my best not to spoil things before the official date. (I still do sometimes when I am too excited though...)

- Will you post the raws? I don’t post raws in most of the cases. There are other people doing it already and since I am living Japan, I do want to minimize the risk of getting charged for sharing copyrights content. (Again, I still do that sometimes if I feel the need to, but most of the time, no)

- Is it okay to use your contents for this and that? It depends on the content so I always put a note at the end of the post if I don’t want it to be reposted. Honestly, I generally don’t mind sharing at all but I do want to encourage people to actually buy the stuff and support the authors. Also, sometimes I want the contents (mostly scans and videos) to stay in my Tumblr because I don’t want the authors or the Japanese fans to accidentally see it on Twitter or other more popular social platforms. If you don’t see any warnings, that means it is okay to use.

- Do you take translation requests? Normally I don’t because my time is limited (not to mention I still have lots to learn about my Japanese). Sometimes if I receive a request and I’m interested in it too, then I will find time to work on it but it might take months because I prefer to do things my pace. Same with scan requests. If it is a card I can easily scan it but I won’t go so far to bend and damage my books to scan an image.

- Do you need credits? I am happy enough at the fact that there are people checking out my blog so credits are not mandatory but are really appreciated. Unless you decide to ignore my instructions and reupload my contents without my permission, then I’d prefer you to NOT credit me please.

💋MY OTHER ACCOUNTS💋

I am actually active on many other platforms but I prefer to keep my social media accounts separated for different purpose so this blog will be the only place where I share contents.

Due to the situation where BSD accounts on Tumblr are being reported and deleted, I have created a Twitter page just for announcement purpose. If my account here gets deleted all of the sudden, you can find me there @popopretty1

By the way, I do have a Ko-fi so you can buy me a coffee if you want xDD I don’t drink coffee but I am gonna eat ice cream instead 🍦https://ko-fi.com/popopretty 🍦Thank you 🥰

I guess that’s all? I may come back and make changes to this later if I come up with anything else. Hope you have a great time here :3

[selinakidreams]

hello!! this is my first ever collab and man o man am I happy to be participating in @buttershouse ‘s Magic March with so many talented people!! Please go check out everyone’s work, there’s so many delicious pieces to choose from.

without further a-due, please enjoy this 7k word mash of a magic coffee shop/witch/ college au that I have goin here

pairing: Sero Hanta (with a FUCKIN UNDERCUT !) x gn!reader (afab)

warnings: she’s WHOLESOME, implied sexual themes throughout and then actual smut at the end !! , sex on aphrodisiacs

a/n: thank you so so so so so so so much to @keishinslove @hiddenbluee @spikesbimbo @scorpiomoonslutt and @dymphnasprose for reading and beta-ing this big boi- you guys helped me so much and 🥺🥺 you guys seriously mean the world to me.

tag list: @hiddenbluee​ @undersero @sawam0chi

“Double double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble,” you hum as you steep black tea before shifting to the other part of your station so you could add the guise of vanilla to the milk you were about to steam. 

You hear a snort come from your coworker as she looks over to you before smirking, “You think you’re so funny,” she teases while heating up a chocolate muffin for the current order. 

“I do, I really do,” you muse, holding the metal pitcher up to the espresso machine’s steam wand. The distinct smell of the liquid luck wafts around as you begin blending it in with the milk; it makes you smile, a comfortingly warm feeling washing over you. 

You always hoped people stepped into the shop hearing about the rumors and whole-heartedly believed them; believing in the magic that went into each drink when they ordered something off of the special menus- and that it wasn’t just for the unique taste. 

When you first started out, you often heard that with each new employee, the magical feeling tends to die out sooner or later; the happiness of creating spells and potions for others fleeting with the ever-growing pessimism towards all things unexplainable. After working at the shop for three years, one would think the feeling would have caught up to you, instead you felt anything but. With each new regular whose eyes sparkled with excitement as you handed them their unique concoction of a drink, your smile grew wider. Sometimes the familiar faces would come back and whisper about how each drink gave them the right energy to deal with each individual situation… almost like magic. You could do nothing but smile, sometimes a coy little wink was added, exciting the customer more and more. They'd leave with a newfound pep in their step. That's what has kept you going for so long. All anyone ever has to do was keep an open mind and believe that true magic does exist, and when you do, it's almost as though a door opens up, full of delightful possibilities.

As you called out the finished order and thanked the satisfied customer, the shop’s entrance bell chimed, welcoming in the newest one. 

You look up and made eye contact with someone who seemed oddly familiar; you tend to remember almost every person that has shown up more than twice at the cafe, so the fact that you can't fully recognize him only shows that the cafe couldn't have been where you’ve known him from... You couldn't quite put your finger on where you've seen him before but you definitely couldn't forget the welcoming aura he radiated. With his black hair pulled into a ponytail, exposing his undercut, and his extra large t-shirt hanging off of his lean frame, he flashed a bright smile, heading up to the counter to order.

Accustomed to ‘hey’s, ‘hi’s, or even an immediate order, the first thing out of his mouth somewhat surprised you. With a tilt of the head and a squint of the eyes, he mumbled out, “.. You look really familiar.” as he tried to place the face.  

“You know, I was thinking the same thing...” you trailed off. 

After a few seconds of analysis with no conclusion, he seemed to shrug and let out a little chuckle with a passive “it'll probably come to me in the middle of my next class…” before his eyes caught sight of the menus off to the side. Not wanting to make it too obvious that you were tempted to stare, you aimed your gaze elsewhere, only occasionally sneaking a glance at him while he was preoccupied with the menu.

“Ahh… can I get…” he kept his sights on all the options he could, as if it was going to make him any more decisive. Part of you hoped to hear something special, something magical, only to hear, “uhh a… hot latte please?”

While a very solid drink, you subconsciously waited to hear a flavor come after it; staring at him, almost in a daze. 

“Did I forget something...?” Your eyes grew wide, mind blank, trying to come up with an excuse for the elongated silence but before you could spout something out, his smile grew as he rolled his eyes, “Oh, duh, I forgot the size!” A breathy laugh came after his revelation and your chest  felt lighter once the sound hit your ears. “Could I get a large please?”

“Yeah, absolutely!” you chime as you grab a large paper cup and mark down his order with a sharpie.“Will that be all for you today?” looking back up at him, your customer service smile makes its awaited appearance like clockwork as it did when wrapping up every order. His eyes darted to the full pastry case before he could conclude, causing an actual smile to grace your lips, “Tempted?”

“One way or another, yea,” he said with an undertone of something else being implied, causing your cheeks to heat up. The smile that he threw in there further caused a little flutter of your heart.  

“Well luckily for you, we just restocked, so you've got a wide range of goodies to choose from.”

He licked his bottom lip and smoothly responded with, “Well which is your favorite?”

“My favorite? Hmm… Well, I always love a good chocolate croissant whenever I'm drinking regular lattes. The chocolate adds in that kick of sweetness that compliments the lack thereof with the coffee and bonus, it's not too heavy where it will make you feel bloated.`` 

“You really know how to sell a guy… That sounds amazing. Could I have that, please?” the tone in his voice was playful, fun, possibly flirty- and that was something that you were not going to think about. He’s a customer; he might not come back when he wants his next cup of coffee.

“You want me to warm it up for you?”

“Sure!”

Picking up the prongs, you took the freshest croissant from the batch and placed it in the microwave oven, turning back around. 

You voiced his total with a soft smile, “Cash or card?”

“Card. uh .. Can I leave a tip on here?” 

Cue the airy sigh that left your chest. A man who knows to leave a tip: you were in love with him already.

“Yea!” you squeak before clearing your throat, “Yea, once you remove your card, the option should pop up on the screen!”

You throw one more smile back at him before turning around to start his drink, not missing the incredibly hard stare your coworker was giving you. You try not to look at them throughout the duration of making his drink.

Handing the handsome man his order, your hands lightly brushed against his and you fought hard to ignore the hefty thump in your chest. You looked back up at him and swore that there was a tint of rose dusted across his cheeks. 

You saw the beginning of his outburst before you could hear it. 

“Sero!” he said quickly, “Sero Hanta. That’s my name.” 

You smiled, sticking out your hand and saying your name, “I’ll be sure to remember it… Sero.” 

The rest of the shift went by pretty quick after that. Your coworker couldn't keep their mouth shut about how he was flirting with you and how you just so happened to be flirting back. You two were giggling so much that the rest of the shift just seemed to slip away and before you know it, it was time to clock out.

“Is there anything you want me to do before I head out?” you shout, asking the newly present night shift as you’re halfway out the door. 

“No no, we got it,” both your coworkers chime, “just hurry up and get to class!” one of them adds. 

Rolling your eyes, you wave goodbye, double checking that everything needed for class was in your bag before fully lugging one of the straps onto your shoulder and heading off.

The walk wasn't that far from the shop, luckily- taking your time and enjoying the world around you was such a cooldown from the hustle and bustle of your work shifts. 

The college town was quaint, warm, homely; It felt like everywhere was a short walk away- which it was. There was an ample amount of time for you to stroll to class after one of your shifts.

As you peruse down the street, you took note of how bright it felt this time of day and how soft the glow emanating from the sunlight hitting the trees was; the kiss of the sun heated your skin, allowing you to bask in the warmth of everything: the environment, the vibe, the mood. What a great feeling. 

Random thoughts passed in and out of your brain as you got to the entrance of campus- but the continuous train of thought halted at the station when the image of that man who came into the shop, the one with the undercut- Sero Hanta, popped up.

He was really attractive… where had you seen him before?

You mindlessly head towards the lecture hall, with the image of Sero’s face ever present behind your eyelids. The approaching building was a beautiful brick with ivy climbing up the side, a framed golden plaque near the large double doors announced that people were about to enter the Mirai Sasaki building- something you would normally stop to admire but today, you headed straight inside and towards your seat, still mentally preoccupied. 

Plopping down, you situate yourself, getting everything out; your textbook, notebook, pens, pencils and even a highlighter. You take a deep breath before slightly shaking your mind to wake up and concentrate on the human sexuality lecture that was about to start. Sero Hanta can wait.

Is what you told yourself and yet, the thought of him wouldn't leave you alone. It went so far as even hearing the professor call out his name. 

“So, I just wanted to clarify,” your ears perk up at the voice, “The article you gave us was about how unequal the orgasm ratio- the orgasm gap- is for women… but I feel like there is a new wave of um… feminine orgasm appreciation. Not to get too personal, but I know between my friends and I, we make sure that our partners always come… first.” He trailed off at the last part, probably coming to terms with the awkward phrasing he had ended with. 

You had to take a second to get a grip; too many things were happening at once and the one that held most of your attention was the fact that Sero Hanta blatantly admitted to wanting the girl to orgasm first. 

What a gentleman.

“Thank you for your… input … mister Sero- but with what you pointed out, it’s actually a perfect segway into the first project of the semester! If you notice in your syllabus, I typed a very vague title for the next class’s date. We're going to talk about it more next class but until then, please read the assigned articles by the next class and have a good rest of your day!”

While the majority of the class was packed and headed to the door, your eyes stayed glued on Sero as you mindlessly put things away. It seemed as though he was taking his time as well. Maybe he needed to talk to the professor? 

Seeing that your desk was now cleared, you slowly began descending down the stairs to get to the floor level, eyes glued to each step in front of you, mind somewhere completely different until your head is met with a firm back. With wide eyes, you step back and begin a stream of apologies, head bowed and eyes still on the floor as if you didn’t learn your lesson the first time. A warm chuckle hushes you accompanied with a light, “It’s alright, it’s alright!”

You look back up and are met with the mind-dizzying smile of the man who failed to leave your thoughts alone. 

Before your eyes could get any bigger, he murmurs your name. “So this is where I know you from!” He slightly cheered, lopsided grin growing comfortable. 

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚ 12 oz Time Flies with soy milk, hot; cinnamon orange black tea latte brewed with charmed orange peel to bring back the most nostalgic feelings (add a shot of our very own vanilla -liquid luck- to help Luck stay on your side!)˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

“Hey! Hey- you guys aren't closing are you?” You hear a panting voice rush through the door- the complete opposite of the energy the cafe currently held. You and your coworker were just winding down from your shift, cleaning and making sure everything was restocked for the next shift, soft music aiding the mood. 

Sero was attempting to collect himself when he realized the two pairs of stunned eyes staring at him. 

“I just- I wanted to walk with you to class. If that’s cool,” he said to you, flattening his shirt down, “and maybe get a coffee.”

Warmth fills your face as you try to suppress a smirk, “in that order?”

The already flustered college student blushed just a bit harder. Before he could come up with a response, your smirk eased into a soft smile, “okay Sero, what could I get you to drink?”

He steps further inside and orders the same thing he got the first time: a large hot latte. It doesn't take long until the drink is in his hand and you're shooing him off to a table, “I’ll be done in like 10 minutes, is that alright?” you ask, hints of your customer service mannerisms kicking in. He nods and you get back to cleaning, unaware that your movements became a bit swifter. 

After clocking out, you’re met with an eager grin and a glint of something unnameable in sero’s eyes. 

“The coffee was excellent, by the way. Both times I had it. Do you do something to it? I feel like it’s so much more than just a simple latte.” 

You smile at two things, him opening the door for you, and the fact that he was absolutely oblivious to the fact that his drink is one of the few drinks you don’t add any magical properties to. 

“I make it with kindness.” You say as you two start your walk, intertwining your hands behind you.

“So mister Hanta… have you been stalking me?” 

His eyes grow wide as his cheeks taint red, “N-no! I just thought that maybe you work every shift that’s before our class.”

“Hmmm… So were you going to come by every day to test out your theory if i wasn't there today?”

“Well, luckily you were there, so I guess we’ll never know the answer.”

After you hummed out a response, the walk turned into a comfortable type of silent.

The both of you had several things passing through your mind, but outwardly, one was caught up basking in the fresh spring air while the other was admiring how the wind would slightly shift your hair.

Deciding to break the silence, you turned to face him, “Hey, so, why did you choose to take human sexuality?”

He didn't seem surprised to hear the question but he took a moment; it didn't seem like he was scrambling to find the perfect answer, it was almost like he just couldn't properly find the words. 

“Honestly, I love intimacy. I think its really cool that not one person’s views on sex and sexuality and the miniscule details within it, are the same.”

While the words you were hearing made sense, it must have shown that you weren't prepared for such an insightful answer because he let out a hearty laugh that seemed to go on and on, even after he took a deep inhale. 

“I’m sorry-” he choked out as he grabbed his chest, “your face just-” he gulped another breath of air, trying to regain composure.

Throughout his fit of laughter, you almost joined in a few times if it weren’t for you biting your cheek in attempts to keep the annoyed facade up. 

As soon as it seemed like he got it all out, you try to pull a convincing pout. 

“So what's the real answer, then?”

He cocks his head at your question, a smile still playing on his lips, “whaddya mean?”

“You're telling me that what you said wasn't just to catch me off guard?”

“Oh! No no, that's really why I'm taking the class. But i bet you thought i was going to say something asshole-y like ‘i just wanna learn more about sex so i could be better’, hm?” he said the last part in a dopey voice before smirking back at you.

You rolled your eyes in return, “not necessarily, that was just a really… refreshing… answer.”

By the time you got to class, it seemed pretty full, which was a bit odd seeing as though there was still some time before the lecture started. Part of you was hoping that you could snag a seat next to Sero or he could snag a seat next to you- but both of your usual seats were surrounded by others already. There was also always the possibility that maybe he didn't want to sit next to you; you didn't want to get your hopes up so you turned to him, waved goodbye, and headed to your normal seat. Unbenounced to you, he physically slouched in disappointment before heading to his spot.

The lesson went on, and while he wasn't crowding your mind today, you subconsciously kept stealing glances at him throughout the lecture in hopes that one of the times you'll find him glancing back at you. The only time you did catch him staring at you was with wide eyes when the professor announced that you two were going to be partners for the upcoming project.

“So I guess this means it's an appropriate time to ask for your number… I wanted to ask you for it but I didn't want to move too fast…?” he said as you two approached eachother after class, cracking a shy smile while he absentmindedly scratched the back of his neck, a subltle flex of his muscles on display. It was a bit hard to concentrate with a combo move like that attacking you, as if he was going in for the kill. 

“I wouldn't have thought it was too fast.” you softly counter, flashing him a tender smile.

It was one thing to feel the heat go to your face, it's another to visibly see it appear on his.

You both traded phones at the same time with the promise to text each other later that night; you put a little coffee emoji by his name while he put the sun next to yours.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚20 oz The Charismatic ! with hemp milk, iced; freshly brewed jasmine tea with a shot of our very own vanilla (liquid luck) to help your attitude and chances toward  any situation˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

Sitting at the furthest table away from the register, you start to unpack your laptop and make yourself comfortable- you're gonna be here a while. Powering up the device, Hanta pulls at the seat across from you and begins to mimic your movements. 

“So you want our first project meeting… at a coffee shop?” you start, trying to keep the smile from coming onto your face. Looking up at him would mean automatic defeat seeing as it's getting harder and harder for you to look at him without your lips twitching upward.

“I thought it would be very symbolic.”

A snort greeted both of your guy’s ears as your eyes went wide and your hands shot up to cover your mouth. “Anyway, so the project.”  Blushing around him was starting to become a regular occurrence, as well.

“Right,” he says clapping his hands and rubbing them together.

“So the project is to point out common sexual misconceptions and back it up with statistics and research articles. The fact that we got dibs on the misconception of the orgasm gap all because you had bragged about your personal sex life…” the thought alone shot a wave of warmth down your spine and right to your lower region. A flash of a Sero you hadn’t faced yet appeared in your imagination; him looking up at you, hungry and eager to please. It made your breath hitch. 

“Well, yea! I had to voice it. I mean, I feel like it’s common sense! When you have sex by yourself, then you can focus on what makes you feel good and what makes you cum. But when you’re with a partner…” he trailed off and your gaze snapped to him, “you should make sure they cum at least once before doing… whatever you two.. had.. planned on… doing.” Sero finished, his eyes flickered between your eyes and lips. 

Oh fuck. 

You felt yourself throb. 

“Y-yea! Uh I completely a-agree.” 

It’s almost as though he could tell that you were flustered so just to top it off, he smirked, “Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” before deciding to drop it and move on.

He took a sip of his drink and sighed, “You guys really do make the best coffee. I got the same thing as I did with your place and yet… I'm here longing for your coffee.” you snort once again.

After that, the conversation eased into the project and what exactly needed to be done; the assignment was very simple but sorting out what dates you guys were going to meet up and how exactly you were going to go about gathering the information was all crucial. The project was due in a month and needed to be submitted in powerpoint format- which the both of you were relieved about.

It was really cute seeing Hanta’s eyes all lit up when it came to the part of how you two were going to go about getting all the information needed. He even suggested to conduct a little side research if you guys were ahead of schedule. It was something that made your heart patter. It was almost like you had smelt some of the charmed rose petals from work because every time you looked at him, you couldn't stop the warmth that flooded in your chest.

With that thought, there was the fact that he was more than likely going to be spending large amounts of time at the cafe- would he notice? Should you just come straight out and explain it? Explain that you were considered a witch, someone who was open-minded and was in tune with their intuition and can work with certain herbs, charms, and spells to create wonderful things? It didn't seem that big of a deal to you, it was something you had grown up with; simple spells and practices that just made day to day life more simple. Not every witch has been through the same childhood you had, there’s no special school- not that you were aware of, anyway. Your parents kept their grimoire out in the open and let you frolic about as they eased basic wholesome rituals into your life, and when you got old enough, they let you take in chapter by chapter each spell they casted, each potion they brewed. 

When you applied at the cafe, your first interview was full of normal questions worded in a way that almost sounded like it had a double meaning, thankfully you caught it and later was asked for a second interview- conducted by the boss himself. He had asked you to perform a basic potion/drink you grew up with, something that made you feel like you were walking on air. It was simple; a butterfly pea tea with a breath of life, with just a little bit of lemon activated the spell in the brew. When the well made drink hit his tongue, he offered you the job not a second later.

No. You wouldn't tell Sero yet. It never came up; It’d be odd to tell him straight off the bat- there's really no need. If he ever asks… then you’ll tell him.

But he hadn't so far.

Each meeting so far felt incredibly productive. It seemed like getting work done came naturally, with the topic being easy to discuss between the two of you and getting the articles to support your claim was fairly simple- apparently a lot of studies have been done about people’s orgasms. 

Since drafting up a skeleton outline the first time meeting, the bits and pieces really started coming together, but the get-togethers sometimes didn't go as planned- however, what was a constant was that no matter what the meet-up consisted of, there would always be a paper cup from your work, filled with a hot latte.

Some of the days, rather than working on the project, the two of you would use the allotted time to sit in your cafe and goof off, or sometimes you would host “tea time” in your apartment and talk about anything and everything- and it was okay because very early on, you both gathered all the adequate articles that involved your topic and sifted through them to get the statistics you needed. Collecting the data was simple enough and putting it together just came easy to you. 

Looking up from your laptop, finally done with sorting all the cited sources in each slide, you wave your hand at Sero to get his attention. Hanta was working on phrasing the facts and statistics from each work, so when he tilted his head up, gaze still on the screen until he finished typing the last sentence, he took his headphones out and hummed as he looked at you. 

“You get the same thing everytime we’re together… why?” 

He glanced at his almost empty cup before fully taking out his headphones, “I get it all the time because it really is the best latte I've ever gotten from a cafe before. I tell you this all the time.” 

“You never… wanna try anything new?”

“Is there something in particular you want me to try?” he asks, quirking his eyebrow upwards.

“Well no, not necessarily…”

“Well then how about you give me a recommendation? What’s a drink you think I would love?” 

This one stumped you for a minute. Though the thought had crossed your mind quite often, you couldn't quite pinpoint which special drink he’d appreciate the most. Something warm… something reflecting how you feel about him.

“I think that you should get the Time Flies; it's this black tea latte with orange zest and it's really… cozy.”

“Okay, I'll try it the next time I go.” 

And he did. The first sip he took felt like smooth gold hitting his tongue. So warm and rich that it had apparently induced the vivid image of the sunset from his grandmother’s porch. He was remembering the orange glow of everything the light touched. The whole day, he was feeling incredibly nostalgic, he even did some of the things he used to do when he was a kid, like watch old black and white movies and make dinner with his mom (even if it was through a phone call).

He told you all of this with one of the most handsome smiles you've ever seen, and that's saying a lot.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚16 oz Love Me or Love Me Not with oat milk, hot; our very own pink rose syrup (enchanted candied petals inside and dried petals on top) steamed in the milk meets a double shot of espresso for a deep, sweet, cozy drink˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

 “So,” you start once everything is situated on your living room table, the two floor pillows that play hosts to your guy’s lower halves sit diagonal from each other.

“So.”

“Everything is practically done, I just wanted to… call this meeting so we could just quickly skim over it and see if there was anything in the powerpoint that needed fixing and or adjusting.”

“Very reasonable reason to call this meeting but both of us have been looking at this practically nonstop… so I’m pretty sure it's good.”

“Well it’s due next class and I know we finished it up a few a couple of days ago but… there is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for perfection. And if anything, I’m trying to save your reputation.” he choked at the accusation you were attempting to make, “Oh yea! How are you going to get away with making that bold statement in front of the class, do a whole project on it, and then just… have it not be anything short of jaw dropping?” you didn't even wait for him to speak, “exactly. Your rep is on the line, I'm just the sorry person who got stuck with you.” You smirk, driving your ludacris point home while crossing your arms over your chest. 

Scoffing, he leaned over and lightly shoved you, “we got to choose are partners for this project! You chose to be with me!” his cry caused a chuckle to fall from your mouth as you readjusted yourself onto your pillow, “that's neither here nor there.” you try your best snotty act as you stick your nose up in the air.

“Okay okay then, your grace, let us go over the powerpoint,” he jested along and gave you a slight bow.

After a quick runthrough, everything seemed spick and span, so the two of you became more relaxed and sunk into the larger floor pillows once again. 

“So… I noticed that you finally got something from your shop.” Sero gestured over to the other paper cup on the table. “I have never seen you with your own coffee before, why today?”

Your cheeks involuntarily began to heat up; the drink he was referring to was none other than the Love Me or Love Me Not. Usually, you never went out of your way to make it, but for the occasion, it was necessary. It was the last time you guys were going to meet up for the project and you just… had to know. 

Let it be known, messing with love potions wasn’t your forte, you preferred for everything romantic to be consensual and untampered with- that's why this brew in particular was one that you preferred out of all the ones that are out there. When made correctly, the person drinking it should be able to look at their crush (in person) and if the crush liked them back, then the drinker would get a fierce wave of goosebumps; if the person did not like them romantically, their head world ache for just a few minutes before going back to normal. Simple and effective, plus no one gets roughed up or drugged.

Not a single sip had been taken yet, you were on edge about the situation. This was the first time you had ever made it for yourself, and it was pretty nerve wracking to see if this man who you began harboring feelings for liked you the same. 

It’s surely gone cold by now but that wasn’t going to stop you. “Oh! Uh- I was just really craving this drink today.” You say lamely before bringing the cup to your lips and taking a gulp. 

The smell of rose hit your nose before you could register the taste. The evenly sweet syrup paired with the strong espresso danced on your tongue before you swallowed it. You softly sighed, it tasted delicious. Another sip slipped past your lips. 

A roll of relief cascaded through you when an intense wave of goosebumps rose on your poked at your skin, causing you to cough and sputter. Eyes going wide and squeezing shut as the coughs wracked through your body. 

He likes you.

While coming down from your fit, you semi glance at Hanta who had almost instantly appeared by your side, patting and gently rubbing your back. 

“Is there liquor in that?” He joked as he handed you your drink so you could have more liquid to ease your throat.

You shook your head after drinking some more and cracking a grin. It might’ve been too big of a smile for someone who just choked but you didn’t care. Sero Hanta… likes you. 

Unable to help it, you glance down at his lips only to realize how close he is. Your grin slowly drops, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Can I uh.. can I try your drink?” He says, face red with blush. 

As you go to hand him your drink, he leans in and cups your jaw- causing your whole body to still, even your heart stopped to join the languor.

 He peaks his tongue out to softly lap up a drop that must have been on your lip, before capturing your lips with his. 

It felt like your mind shut down, and all you can feel is how soft his lips are and how sweetly he’s kissing you. Almost hesitantly. 

He pulls away in attempts to find your gaze to decipher how you felt about it. 

Your breath is ragged as you look back at him- everything and nothing is going on in your head in that moment, unable to speak, until you see the goosebumps that coat his body. 

Your heart thumps impossibly faster as you realize that not only does he like you… but he truly believes. He believes in the two of you, he believes in love, and he believes in magic. 

Without another second to waste, you tackle him in a hug and find your lips on his in a way that you know you’ll never get enough of. 

special extra ! : you and Hanta in the fall- Season of the Witch with almond milk, hot; dirty chai latte with a bewitched cinnamon stick to help keep you warm ;) , even on the coldest of days ˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

The cold nips at your nose just as big hands nip at your waist, causing you to let out a noise between a squeak and a gasp. A flash of soft black hair blurred your vision before cold lips meet yours. “Hanta,” you sigh into the kiss before pulling away and giggling. 

You were heading back to your apartment after a day shift at work, the sky already becoming darker because of the autumnal equinox. 

“What are you doing? I thought I was gonna meet you at my place.” You say as your fingers intertwined and your step fell into pace with his. He pulled you closer so that you were basically leaning into him as you walked.

“You know those chocolate and pumpkin scones you baked for me? The special ones?” He quietly moaned. 

Your eyes go wide as he purposely guided your intertwined hands over his blatant bulge.

“Hanta you weren’t supposed to eat those until later, the spell usually kicks in within the next 30 minutes!” You giggle again. 

A few weeks after you two started officially dating, you formally sat him down and explained everything you didn't when talking about your guys’ past- the memories of frolicking through tall grass and talking to your mother’s familiar, to getting your job at the cafe. He told you that it was a lot to take in, but never did he push you away. When he went to the cafe, he was more observant. Somewhere in the months between June and July, he slowly became more and more interested in the rituals you would do and the potions you would make. He wanted to start joining in. Now in October, he loves seeing your crystals around your house and all the different herbs you grow in the sills of your window. When he found out that you could bake magical pastries with certain herbs, he almost immediately asked you to bake him some. At first, it started as something simple like a sage and rosemary savory loaf that helped cleanse your pallet of any negative energy. Then it started becoming more and more intricate, and that's how the two of you ended up here.

 “I know but fuck-- I was hungry and they looked so good, and now I’m hard and I need you.” he spoke lowly. 

This was going to be fun. 

The rest of the way, you were casually asking him things that shouldn't be heard in a public setting, “What is it you want to taste first, Hanta?”

“How badly do you want to fuck me into the mattress? Hm? Have your big cock stretch me out?”

“Wanna fill me up?”

By the time you both got to your apartment, there was no fumbling with the keys to get your door to open, you already had them out; getting through the door took three seconds tops. Next thing you know, your back was against the closest wall, your hands pulling at his tied up hair and scraping your nails against his scalp when the soft locks fell. One of his big hands lifted up a leg of yours and he groaned as he thrust upward against your heat.

“Fuck-” he panted into the kiss before trailing down your neck, still holding up one leg while the other hand finds itself under your shirt, his fingers hot to the touch. 

Releasing your leg and dropping to his knees, he looked up at you as he fumbled with the button of your pants. You lace your fingers in his hair, feeling him yank the material down your legs, tossing the one leg over your less dominant leg over your shoulder, and when a warm muscle hits your sopping clothed core, you pull his hair harder to apply more pressure.

“Look at me when I have you in my mouth, I wanna see how much you enjoy this.” 

You felt yourself clench, and apparently so did he, because a smirk grew on his lips. “Oh, you like when I say things like that?”

“H-hanta, please.. '' your voice wavered before you sucked in a sharp gasp. He had a finger, then two inside of you in no time, the other hand keeping the underwear out of the way so his lips could wrap around your clit.

He was pumping in and out of you faster and faster, occasionally switching the pace to unbearably slow and when you would whine, he’d tilt his head up, mid lick, to throw you a teasing glance before picking up the pace. He bagan curling his fingers, hitting a spot that had your eyes rolling and with the pressure building up, it had you panting out a breathy repetitive stream of his name. 

“‘M gonna cum Hanta, hh-” you moaned out before clenching your eyes shut, your body involuntarily shaking above him. And right below you, he was ready to lick up everything you had to offer.

Holding you steady as he came up to kiss you, your juices still on his lips, “you ready for me, sweetheart?” he asked when he pulled away. The short sobering moment hit as soon as he scooped you up and carried you to the bedroom, but after he tossed you onto the bed, the look he gave you as he was unbuttoning his pants drew your mind hazy again.

“Can't wait to pump you full of my cum, to have you a drooling mess because of my cock.” he huskily whispered, giving you so many delicious previews of how the night will go. “You want that, pretty? Use your words.” he said as he crawled over to you and caged you in. The scent of cedar wood and citrus clouded your senses.

“Yes please Hanta!” you whine, “wanna feel stuffed b’cause of your cum. Please fill me up--” you whimper out, cutting yourself off when you felt his leaky tip at your wet entrance. 

Just like each time you two have been intimate, he guides himself slowly until he's in to the hilt of his pelvis, “shit, squeezing me so hard- c-an i move?” he moans out. 

Unable to form coherent sentences, you frantically nod and squeak out, “yes!”

With your permission granted, he eases in a thrust before he starts snapping his hips into you.

“Fuck, look at you, milking my cock so good-” he moaned, as he leaned in and kissed you. Each sharp thrust jolted you upwards, proving just how powerful his thrusts were. You threw your arms around his neck for the slight stability.

You began to let out little moans into the kiss that spurr him further; everything was beginning to get to him. How tight you felt around him, the feel of your tongue against his, the sloppy wet noises of your cunt.

“I’m gonna cum-- i'm gonna cum!” he choked out. 

You clawed at his back while whimpering pleas for him to fill you up, “fill me up with your cum, your cock fills me so good, please Hanta, more- more!”

You were clenching around him hard, and to bring you right to his level, he found your puffy clit and began a quick circular motion that made your jaw go slack, causing more frequent clenches.

His mind blurred as he pushed himself the deepest he could, moaning out your name and a gruff curse before emptying himself into you. 

You felt him twitch inside of you right before hot seed coated your already warm walls, and that’s what pushed you into a convulsion of ecstasy. 

He lazily humped his hips into you as you rode out your high before pulling out and rolling next to you.

Calling out your name to bring your attention to him, he pulls you into his chest where you could feel his racing heart, “what if… I started singing that song from hocus pocus? You know the one..” 

What a goof, you thought to yourself, playfully smacking his chest as you roll your eyes, looking up at him. 

“I put a spell on you… and now you're mine…” you begin to whisper, earning a hearty laugh from you boyfriend.

Maybe it was mutual, but quite possibly he had put a spell on you. And you were more than okay with it.

[onthesandsofdreams]

In Dreams [12/?]

Pairing:  SanSan  Rating: T Summary: By the time the three people in front of her have finished their coffee and food, they all three sport wide eyes, Sam is constantly opening and closing his mouth as if the words he wants to say do not come quickly enough. Arya is uncharacteristically silently gaping. To her surprise, it's Gendry who recovers first, "That's quite the tale, Sansa." Words: 1000 Notes: Apologies for the delay, migraines have been hell.

Read @ AO3

While she prepares the coffee and some sandwiches, Sansa explains everything she has found, everything that Sandor has said and reluctantly, pulls the necklace he gave her.

By the time the three people in front of her have finished their coffee and food, they all three sport wide eyes, Sam is constantly opening and closing his mouth as if the words he wants to say do not come quickly enough. Arya is uncharacteristically silently gaping. To her surprise, it's Gendry who recovers first, "That's quite the tale, Sansa."

"It is, isn't it?" She agrees.

"May I take a look at the necklace?"

Had someone else asked, she would have said no. But Gendry is a smith and a jeweler. His work is impeccable and she trusts his opinion, so she offers the necklace to him and watches as he turns the necklaces over and inspects it.

It is then that Sam finally speaks. "You know Sansa, it wouldn't surprise me if Qyburn managed to keep Sandor alive one way or another." When she turns to him, he continues. "As you know, I was in the Citadel and... well, there's a forbiden area that I once sneaked in as a dare, and Qyburn's book was the one I snagged."

She feels dread filling her. "Was it too bad?" A thousand horrible images flash in her mind, and her heart goes out for Sandor and she desperately hopes that whatever Qyburn did, was not terrible.

Sam looks reluctant, but in the end, he speaks. "He wanted to reanimate bodies. Rumor has it that he managed it on one occasion." He says softly.

It is one of her worse fears, that Sandor was an experiment. "Was... was it so terrible?"

"The book didn't say," Sam says and she believes him. Sam has always been an honest person. "But I won't lie, Sansa. Qyburn was basically banned and his research destroyed. Let's hope that Sandor is fine."

"I hope so too," she says as she struggles not to shake. In order to feel a bit better, she turns to Gendry. "What's the professional opinion, Gendry?"

The three of them know what her question is, and let it go. Gendry nods and offers the necklace back. "A fine craftsmanship. At least five carats in solid gold, the cut is an old cut which is rare. All in all, should I be selling something similar, it would cost a pretty penny."

She has no intentions of selling it, but she appreciates his opinion. "Thank you, Gendry." Then, she turns to Arya. "You have been too quiet, should I be worried?"

Arya gives her a rude gesture, "Nope. Just... I think that for the first time ever, you actually blew my mind. But on a serious note... what do you plan to do?"

She sighs, "I'll be looking over the grounds. There has to be something somewhere."

The three of them share a look, then Arya speaks again. "Well, we're here. Why don't we do it now? You fed and caffeinated us, fair trade. Besides, I'm sure we could cover more ground and if we take all day, maybe you could do something to eat? That'll be payment." Arya snorts. "Okay, be in this adventure is cool and the food is an added bonus."

She feels her eyes sting, and tears blur her vision. But she blinks them away and gives them a grateful smile. "I would gladly feed you all. Any time. You all know this. Just... let me get something in the crockpot and we can get started."

She hurries to get everything ready for some pulled pork sandwiches, thanking her lucky stars that she has a package of coleslaw ready and all she has to do is simply mix everything. She has drinks and only has to do some French fries as a side. When she's done, she says, "His full name is Sandor Clegane. But he went by the moniker of The Hound, so keep your eyes peeled for either."

"Yes, boss!"

She laughs, turns the crockpot on, offers bottles of water and some baseball caps and then leads them outside. "Good luck to us all. Call if you find anything." As soon as she says that, the four of them make off in different directions.

She is walking slowly, turning every thing she finds in the sprawling yard. She cannot afford to miss a sign. She moves every piece of rock, every bush of flowers or plants, and doesn't take her eyes of the ground. If her mind weren't so busy with worry for Sandor, she would also be making plans for her yard. After all, it's quite sprawling and there are some wooded area that would hopefully be able to sustain her ideas.

The sun beats down on her, but for once, she doesn't mind. She needs all the light that she can have to make sure she doesn't miss a clue. But so far she has been quite unlucky. She stops for a moment, takes a deep breath and says. "Sandor, if you're listening, please help me find you."

Obviously, he does not respond, so she keeps looking. Desperately hoping to find anything that gives her hope. Then, in a moment of complete despair, she plops on the dirt floor and blinks back tears.

It is then, that she realizes that she is in the same spot where she and Sandor always meet. Her heart thunders in her chest and her hands begin to sweat, she breathes in deeply and exhales slowly, she needs to be calm. Maybe she's close now.

She carefully moves about, without a second thought, she falls to her knees and walks in all fours looking for something. Anything that tells her that Sandor is close and that she will find him.

Then, when she's about to give up. She spots a flat rock surrounded by yellow flowers. She rushes towards it, her heart and mind racing. Is this it? Oh, please, she thinks, let me find him.

She moves as much of the dust and weeds that she can off the rock. Then, she gapes. For there, engraved in the rock, there are three hounds.

[pruning-the-minds-garden]

Reasons Nerdy Hypnokinksters Should Play Guild Wars 2

Are you a nerdy hypnokinkster, specifically of the variety who likes to play MMORPGs? Do you have a bit of spare time this holiday season to try out a new one? Well, I have an entirely self-serving list of reasons for you to try out this one! Lets get on with the list! I'm going to put it under a cut because I'm polite like that.

By the way, this list WILL contain spoilers for "Heart of Thorns," "Path of Fire," and somewhat for the Living World and Icebrood Saga. That is just not avoidable at this point, if I want to talk about the selling points I want to cover. If that matters to you a lot a lot, then you'll just have to take my sales pitch on faith and try the free-to-play base game without reading the rest.

Lets start with the reasons most particular to hypnokinksters, and then work outward to reasons that are more general, ending with the things that just make this a really good game. Also, there's a bonus one at the end that's just a reminder of their Black Friday sale which is thinly-veiled FOMO that I'm lampshading now so that you can ignore it when it comes up if you're not already bought in. Aaaaaaaanyway!

1. The Mesmer Profession

In GW2 Character Classes are Professions, and the Mesmer is something halfway between an Enchanter and an Illusionist. They summon illusory clones of themselves, phantasms, and they also confuse and ensorcell their enemies to various effects. So, basically, they are the dream class for a hypnokinkster. They are also a light armor-wearing class that can wield a Greatsword (shown in the picture) and Staff (not pictured but also cool), as well as other weapons with really pretty versions (like the Sword known as The Shining Blade), and as a result can have some of the snazziest looks in all of Fashion Wars 2 - er, Guild Wars 2. It also happens that the Mesmer is one of the more unique and well-liked Professions in GW2 and so it tends to get the nice end of the nerf stick, most of the time, though on the whole GW2's balance actually stays remarkably tight.

2. Mordremoth and the Sylvari

This dude is one of the Big Baddies (called Elder Dragons) of Guild Wars 2. The are the existential threats of the world, and there's only a handful of them in the world. Each of them is themed around two things - one aesthetic, and one function. Mordremoth's aesthetic is plainly obvious, he's the planty/viney dragon, and so there's a lot of plant vibes that go on with everything to do with him, his servants, and so on. His function, though, is Mind. He inadvertently gave rise to one of the playable races of Guild Wars 2, the Sylvari (pictured below). He did that because he sort of exudes mental energy, and he can capture and control minds that are compatible and in his vicinity.

In fact, one of the sub-plots of one of the expacs is that some Sylvari become corrupted by Mordremoth when they get too close to him, and turn against their own friends and allies - that is, get mind controlled - and have to work to break free and gain back their own minds. The player never has to go through that, but they are present for others who have to go through that.

3. Jormag

Another of the Elder Dragons, this one is themed around Ice and Snow. You might think that has nothing to do with mind stuff, but you'd be wrong. Jormag's function is "Persuasion" and so the long section of story where you are tracking him down and making ready to defeat him, you are going through ice caves and trekking through tundra, and all the while you can hear increasingly loud whispers in your mind telling you all about why you should work with him instead of against him. And, at the same time, he's recruiting an army of weaker-willed but stronger-armed minions to fight for him. I KNOW, RIGHT?!? Anyway, I'll be in my bunk. This is really just a repeat of reason #2, but in a new packaging, and is yet more evidence that ArenaNet (the company that makes GW2) hired some hypnokinky people to write their story.

4. Kralkatorrik and Aurene

Okay these last two are purely for the aesthetic value, but I think that still has value for a lot of you. The first picture is Aurene, an ally you meet later on in the story. She has a veeeeeeeery shimmery-shiny aesthetic to her that you can model your character after eventually. Those rainbows in the lens flares aren't just rendering artifacts, either; they show up all the time around her and in graphics to do with her, so if you want rainbow crystals, she's your go-to gal.

On the other hand, if darker and more angry crystals are your thing, Kralkatorrik is your Dragon Daddy. His breath weapon is to turn everything into crystal and make crystals grow from the ground, and wherever he flies purple crystals grow in his wake. He is the Dragon of Anger, though, so he's kinda powered by being eternally pissed off and unpleasant. So, y'know, ups and downs.

5. It's LGBTQIA+ AF

See the two pictured above? Yeah they are two of the core NPCs that you work with through the whole post-base game storyline. Also, they are in love with one another, and in a textually sexual (no nothing NSFW but it is made textually clear) relationship. And, that's not the only instance. There are gay characters and trans characters and ace characters, and I can't really think of a game that I've played that has gone to the same lengths while at the same time not feeling "token-y" about it. For instance: I'm disabled, and I personally appreciate the way they included a disabled character in the aforementioned list of core NPCs, both in her strengths and in her flaws. She is not made to be morally pure or perfect (she's annoying AF sometimes), but she's also highly competent and it's your ass if you condescend to her. Both Marjory and Kasmeer have their flaws, but they also clearly love each other and you can see how their relationship organically grows over the course of the story in a way that is very... human. It's nice. I like it a lot.

From here the reasons are not focused on hypnokinky folks, but on reasons why it's a good game in general -

6. An End to the Gear Grind

In GW2, there is an actual end-point to the gear grind. Once you get a set of Ascended or Legendary gear (the former of which is doable with a few months of time, and the latter of which will take considerably longer but only needs to be done once as it can be used for all of your characters who are eligible to use a given piece of equipment), then that gear stays as the top-tier gear forever. I got my first piece of Ascended gear on my Elementalist eight years ago, and it is still top-tier gear today. It doesn't do the thing that a lot of MMORPGs do where the iLVL goes up every time a patch or expac is released and that makes all of the current BiS gear obsolete. It might happen that a mechanics reshuffling might slightly alter what stat combination is best in slot, but changing one Ascended piece into another is pretty trivial and changing the stats on a Legendary piece of gear is literally just a matter of clicking a button.

7. The Mounts are Fucking RAD, Y'all

See those 8 guys up there? Those are your mounts. Four of them are relatively easy to get, another two take a modest investment of time, and the last two are a GD grind (I want to be honest with you so you aren't shocked later). However, even just the base 4 are fun as HELL to ride around the world in and they make traversing the world SO MUCH MORE FUN. One of them (the Raptor) makes horizontal leaps and runs fairly fast. One of them (the Springer) makes big vertical leaps. One of them (the Jackal) teleports short distances and turns on a relative dime. The last (the Skimmer) floats above water and ground hazards and can hover higher over obstacles for a bit if needed. The combination of the four can get you through 99% of the terrain in the game.

The experience of flying on the two flying mounts (the Griffon and the Skyscale) is also AWESOME, although they take a real investment of time and resources to get. In exchange, though, you get something that is legitimately entertaining all on its own. Something similar can be said for the beetle, which is basically "Guilds Wars 2.5: Tokyo Drift." World of Warcraft is said to have borrowed the Skyscale and Griffon mechanics for their latest expansion, and regardless of the truth of that I completely understand. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then this is a mechanic that is highly deserving of that flattery because it's awesome. I wouldn't fault them if they did. If they didn't, then reinventing that wheel was a brilliant move on their part.

8. No subscription fees and the base game is free

This one speaks for itself. If you want to try it, then there's nothing financially standing in your way. the base game is free, and there is no subscription required to play. Just download it and get started.

9. The game respects your time

This one is intangible and I understand if you don't follow me here, but having played the game for years I feel like GW2 respects my time far more than WoW ever did. If I'm not able to play WoW for a few months, then when I come back my character is woefully out of date, my equipment is miles behind, and I have no idea what's going on. I stopped playing for two or three years in GW2, and when I came back I started up again with almost no issues. My gear was still as good as when I left, and although I later had to shuffle some things, I was still in a perfectly fit state to get around and do what I needed to do. The game also went to pains to tell me what I needed to do, to give me guidance on what the next steps were for whatever was going on in game at the moment, meaning that I didn't have anything like the lag time I might have had in WoW.

10. Bonus: Black Friday Sale!

And here's the sales pitch! The expansions are bundled for this weekend going through to Tuesday, and the bundle is on sale, so if you wanted to download the base game, give it a try, and then if you decided you wanted to buy the expansions... now would be a good time to do it!

If any of that interests you, here's a link to the GW2 website and you can make an account and/or download the game: