#in other news that seasonal part-time job i've been doing is finally wrapping up at the end of the january

[genericpuff]

oiiii sorry for the super late post, I've just been locked in trying to get the remainder of the next episode of Rekindled finished ! And yes, it's definitely on its way, there are just a couple panels left that still need to be completed. I'm very sorry for all the delays as of late, I promise it's not for lack of effort, just lack of free time these past few weeks (and lack of spoon organization of sorts, I'm happy to say that I think we finally found the right dosage for my ADHD medication, but now that just leaves the actual work of, y'know, getting my shit together and making better habits for myself LMAO which unfortunately means actually going to bed at reasonable hours which eats into the time I usually spend working on Rekindled, but... ah well, it means I'm making healthier choices which is obviously a good thing haha it sucks when it means I have to forgo working on comics, but ultimately the better I take care of myself, the better I can take care of my work <3 <3)

Thank you all for your patience, the next episode will be up as soon as it's finished! Hoping that'll be by Sunday evening at the latest, but that's assuming I'm not able to get it done in the next couple hours lmao (i.e. before I have to do the right thing and go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour, bleugh)

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

PHIA SABAN PHOTOGRAPHED IN NEW YORK BY JULIA SARIY FOR ROSE & IVY MAGAZINE.

HOW HAS THE ANTICIPATION BEEN LEADING UP TO THE RELEASE OF SEASON TWO?

"It's funny because in order to make the show with any integrity, you cannot think about the scale of it at all. It has to be about the moment you're trying to make special and doing justice to the reality of the reality. I mean, it’s a show about dragons (laughs). I hope people will find it's a family drama and the dynamics are very human."

"You almost can't focus on what a big thing it is, but there's nothing like doing a press tour and going to New York, Paris, and London. You realize it is bigger than the soundstage in Watford (laughs). I guess the answer to your question is trying not to anticipate anything."

"That’s the other thing, it's fantastic when things are amazingly received especially since it has such a built-in fan base. People love it almost before it even exists, which is fantastic. It's been very warm and lovely how everybody has received us."

HAS THE EXCITEMENT AROUND THE PROJECT SUNK IN YET?

"When I watched the first episode, 90% of me thought, this is really cool—cool because I was watching my friends on TV. But 10% of me thought that's the way I've done it; it’s permanent and that represents me now and that’s quite hard. It's easy to feel a bit existential about it, especially when you've started with theater and went to drama school."

"There's something amazingly ephemeral about theater and the fact that it doesn't exist anymore once it's happened."

"When you have something with a big budget and loads of people working on it who really believe in it, everyone is so engaged in how to serve the story best, but it's not the same as theater. When you wrap that's the scene."

"It doesn’t have anything to do with me anymore, and it's going to be made into something else."

"During a play, the only people who shared the moment was me and everyone else in the room, and then it goes out into the ether. I am on the journey of finding that on the screen because it's not the same."

ABSOLUTELY, IT’S A LITTLE BIGGER OF AN AUDIENCE—IT’S INSIDE PEOPLE’S HOME, BUT TIMES MILLIONS AND MILLIONS!

"Exactly—that's a nice way of thinking of it, that it is still being shared. With a show that comes out with one episode a week, there's something communal about that. It can be a talking point at the pub or work, which I really like. When Succession came out weekly, I was like, I'm so glad I'm alive to watch this week by week (laughs)."

YOU MENTIONED YOU GRADUATED FROM DRAMA SCHOOL, AND THIS WAS ONE OF YOUR FIRST ROLES.

"I did have one part before, The Last Kingdom, a Netflix show, which is about Vikings and Saxons. I was in my third year of school, and it was during that third year Covid came. So we were all sent home and we didn't ever have that closure."

"But also, you're doing an acting degree and you think, the thing I'm in denial about is that this might not even happen for me. Then suddenly theater doesn't exist and you're back in your childhood bedroom. I mean, worse things were going on in the world, but I think that when I got that part in The Last Kingdom, it felt like magic. I couldn't believe it."

"I got to go out to Budapest for eight months. The cast was so warm and welcoming. I got the House of the Dragon job while I was on that job. I had a bit of time to wait in between them, but it was time I could obsess about the scripts that I did have and all my ideas about her."

CAN YOU WALK ME BACK TO WHEN YOU ACTUALLY GOT THE PART?

"It did take a long time before I finally got the part of Helaena. They were using dummy sides from a scene of Arya’s from Game of Thrones. I did it and thought it was a long shot because every actor my age in the world was probably taping for that part. I knew it was good to be seen by the casting director, Kate Rhodes James. I didn't hear anything for a very long seven months."

"In Budapest, there were whispers that some of the actors were getting auditions for it. I didn’t think it was going to come through for me."

"Eventually, I got a notice saying, they didn’t want me for that part, but to audition for the part of Helaena. When I came home for Christmas, I did the tape. It's so rare when you do a tape where you think, that's a bit of me and I really want to do this. Then I was back in Budapest and I got a text that said they wanted to meet on Zoom."

"So I met with the casting director and the two showrunners, and that just went by in a complete blur. After, I felt like an alien a few days (laughs). I kept having to put myself to sleep in order to not feel worried. One day I woke up from one of those naps and I had a text that said, you've got the part."

YOU GET TEXTED THAT INFORMATION–THEY DON'T CALL YOU! AT LEAST A TEXT CAN BE PRINTED AND GO IN THE MUSEUM ARCHIVE. YOU CAN CREATE SOME MEMORABILIA!

"That's true. I think either way it would've gone, it would have been just me blacking out."

CAN YOU SHARE MORE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER, HELAENA?

"What's interesting for me about Helaena is that she's in this unique situation. She's in the royal family and married to her brother, which she’s done for the family. It is a personal sacrifice."

"She's uncomfortable with what's expected of her. She doesn't like wearing those clothes. She doesn't like standing up there in front of the people and doesn't like being a figurehead or being projected on. She's got her own stuff that makes her feel safe and she wants to be in her own world."

"So we leave her growing up in a level of discomfort. For this season, I would describe it as a reckoning of what she's willing to accept and how far is too far. It's about family dynamics, inherited trauma, and the quest for us to understand each other."

IT MUST BE PRETTY FUN TO FILM THE SHOW ON THAT SET. ARE THERE ANY COOL MOMENTS THAT STAND OUT?

"The sets by set designer Jim Clay are incredible. They have built a castle inside the studios. I can walk into my bedroom, look around my bedroom, walk out, walk downstairs, the grand hall, go into my mother's bedroom, go upstairs, and go to the study."

"In a way, it's like a lazy actor's dream because you just look at something and it's real."

"My favorite moment of this year was when I got my first scenes that are properly in Helaena’s bedroom."

"She has this special interest in her insects and there are cabinets and cabinets filled with the most beautiful bugs and incredible things that had been designed to look like something that she would've sewn."

"She’s written notes all over her desk and dreams all over the wall along with these amazing drawings. I'm trying to think of the perfect way to describe it, but it was as imaginary as if somebody had created a child's imaginary world for them in real life."

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF FROM YOUR WORK ON THE SERIES?

"That's a really big question. I'm proud I made a choice about this character and have stayed true to her. I try to make choices that are through the lens of specificity of this person."

"It's not even so much something to be proud of, but it's more like a gift that I'm in this position because you don't always get to play someone so particular. It's really exciting to get to make all of those choices for yourself."

SINCE YOU ARE THE START OF YOUR CAREER, ARE YOU SOMEBODY WHO HAS A VISION BOARD OF WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE?

"I go to the theater twice a week, so I almost see that as manifesting, just in that I put so much thought and energy into appreciating plays that I like. I'm letting it rub off on me."

"I'm also someone, who every time I watch a film, see a performance, or go and see a play I'm interested in, I log it somewhere. It’s a nice notch on the climbing ladder and helps in developing a strong sense of taste."

GROWING UP, WAS THERE SOMETHING THAT LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON YOU THAT INSPIRED YOU TO PURSUE ACTING?

"I was a kid who watched a lot of TV and films. I was really into Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I also did a huge amount of Shakespeare because nearby there was a small children's company that put on plays in the summer."

"I also had a crush on James Dean in films like East of Eden, but I also wanted to be Buffy."

"When you are in a small school and you're objectively the keenest person in the class, you get to play cool characters, parts that I would never play now in a million years. So I think of it all as influential."

IT’S SO INTERESTING WHEN SOMEONE HAS THAT FIRE FROM A YOUNG AGE AND THEN THEY PURSUE IT TO THE BIG LEAGUES.

"It's also about the positive energy of the people you have around you."

"I have had very supportive parents and teachers, so it didn't seem as much of an obstacle, but that's not the case for everyone."

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUN PLANS FOR THE SUMMER?

"I'm going to the End of the Road festival—I went last year for the first time and it was such a beautiful festival."

"I think I am going to go to Naples but I also hope I'm going to be doing a job."

"As an actor, you want to make these plans, but you also think, I could just stay home and wait by the phone instead and not do anything."

"But it's important to make the plans, but I kind of hope that something gets in the way."

[nieded]

Writing in 2024

Every year, I try and do a blog post about the things I've written in 2024, how I felt about it all, and if I learned anything. This year, it really didn't feel like I had done a lot until I went back and looked at my AO3. Then I realized I had actually written a ton, a whopping 80,000 words worth.

So beneath the cut, I'll break this down into three categories: Zines, #RR, and FTH.

Zines

Some of these fics I wrote in 2023, but I didn't post them until 2024 due to exclusivity rules, but I'll include them in this list. After the rush of Season 2, I signed up for as many zines as possible. I had the fever, and the only cure was more zines! I also had some insane executive functioning fairy (who would abandon me by summer), who inspired me to write, edit, and submit everything on time. Wild.

Wartime Correspondence, 1.5k, Teen, for Pin Me Up Vol. 2 - featuring pin-up Aziraphale!

In Good Faith, 1.7k ,Teen, for Twin Passions: A Bildad Zine - a missing scene from Job

The Thing With Feathers, 2.6k, Gen, for In Love With My Car Vol. 2 - a fic about reconciling post-S2 ft. wonderful artwork by Cat_Clawz

Best In Show, 1.4k Gen, for It Began In A Garden - where an angel and a demon enjoy retirement in the South Downs, ft incredible artwork by eglantine-c

and my favorite because Warlock lives forever rent free in my head

Falling Upwards, 2.1k, Gen, for Above Below and the Common Ground - an epistolary fic about Warlock and Crowley reuniting post-S2.

#RAINBOWROAD

Simultaneously, I was posting the final installment of #RR, 0-60 in 3.5, 49k, Teen.

I had intended to end the series with Fools Rush In, so I treat all of this as bonus content. Think of it like DVD extras. There's a very loose plot. It's basically me shitposting right up until the end. I had so much fun sharing this with everyone!

I also need to shout out @literarion, who just finished posting the #RR podfic. She has been working on it for over a year, and posting literally took all year from January to December. She never said it, but I did worry she wanted to murder me when I said I had written another part.

Lit, in my opinion, is the shining example of the talent, creativity, and generosity in the Good Omens fandom. The fact that she creates these podfics that are so high quality and makes fic accessible for more people is really fucking cool. It was also incredible for me to hear my words sound like sports broadcasts and TV interviews.

I've written a lot about how overwhelmed I get when I think about all the people who have contributed to the #RR universe, but I do want to say it again. Thank you.

Fandom Trumps Hate

Then, right around the time I wrapped up all the zines and #RR, I signed up for Fandom Trumps Hate. This was my first year doing it, and it was such a fun experience! I am floored by the generosity of people. It was also incredible to take direct prompts and brainstorm ideas with everyone. None of the final products were at all like I imagined in the beginning, but I think that goes to show the liquid nature of writing sometimes.

That said, when I started FTH, I was coming off the high of finishing all these other projects and feeling extremely productive. This summer, however, I was hit with the most severe, longest bout of depression I've experienced. I came off of several medications. My dog got cancer. Every ounce of energy I had I channeled into existing. I would have given anything to have the ability to write, but I couldn't.

Just when I finally got my feet under myself, I was offered a promotion. It was October. My boss took me out for coffee one random Monday and offered me a position I had been applying for, for years. I was excited and also stressed out because I knew I would be taking on a lot of responsibility at a time when my life felt very tenuous, but it was also an oportunity I could not miss.

FTH was heavy on my mind. In true ADHD fashion, the stress of starting a new job kicked my butt into gear. I had been slowly plugging along on all the fics over the summer but ended up reworking every single one of them. And each fic was wildly different from the other.

This also gave me the opportunity to explore a couple of ideas I had turning over in my brain for quite some time.

Let it run, 7.6k, Explicit, for Ambra - body shop/mechanic AU. Ambra wanted something hyper specific, and y'all know I love infodumping about cars. This was a really fun way to show the mundane side of cars because truthfully, I do tire writing about Ferraris and McLarens. This is so closely aligned to the life I live.

We know what we are but not what we may be, 5.3k Gen, for lynn99999 - an outsider POV fic from the perspective of Lesley, the International Express Man, who has to deliver a message to Heaven. Man, admittedly, this was both the hardest and easiest fic to write. The prompt was about a lost package inspired by lynn99999 #RR's books getting lost in the mail. I had so many ideas that I had started and scrapped, but once I landed on the final premise, I had the rough draft done in two days. Humans interacting with the Ineffables is my favorite canon trope.

Might have gone, but what for?, 5k, Explicit, for joyeousness - a 1941 fic. Hey, do you want something sad??? Many years ago, I decided I would only write happy endings (and happy endings *wink wink wink*) even though I love writing angst. So for that reason, I think this story is incomplete because it ends on an unresolved note. After S2, I had this idea churning in my brain on repeat. When I ran it by joyeousness, and they gave me the green light, I was excited to get it down in words. And yep, it ended up being as brutal as I imagined.

Under Pressure, 6.5k, Teen, for She_Jedi - in which Remy (from SDU) and Warlock (from Ground Control) meet. Let's be real. I know it says this is a gift for She_Jedi, but they really did me a favor by letting me write this. Originally, they wanted a continuation of Ground Control, and I had been sitting on this idea of having Remy, an OC from another Good Omens fic I wrote, meet Warlock. I wrote these two series around the same time, and clearly I was going through something since I wrote so much about fucking postgraduate education. I was in my pre-F1 / post-grad-school-traumatized-professional phase. So it was really fun to revisit this when both Remy and Warlock were a little older. I mean, yeah, writing is just one big projection, and I'm staring in the mirror.

2025

My goal next year is honestly to read more. I usually do a companion post with all the fic I've read through the year, and I rarely read anything in 2024. I hate that. A lot. So if you have a fic you desperately want to share, please reblog or drop a comment!

I also potentially have a silly little #RR fic in the pipeline. Maybe.

[lokis-wager]

So! Adventure is Nigh Season 3 just wrapped up! And Nick said before the show that it will be late Fall before we get any new episodes 😭😭😭 Let's talk about the finale.

Incredible that the entire party managed to dodge the robot army thing and Chezzeric's attempt at a coup. I hope I'm not misremembering anything, but given that the robots are powered by the souls of the dead, it seems possible that whoever was in on the plot to steal the magic scroll all the way back in the pilot might have been the ones trying to resurrect the robot army? Again, if I'm remembering it right, that scroll summoned lots of ghosts, which probably could have been used to power all those robots.

Mortimer was able to get his revenge in some way by killing B's son and watching her kill her sister, which so far, he seems satisfied by. Ngl I was so sure he was gonna try to sneak-attack the queen when he knelt down by her side - but he didn't. He continues to threaten Grinderbin and be extremely secretive about his identity, which means that there's definitely more to him than just being a changeling. It also doesn't explain why Mortimer is so careful about his identity while Musk doesn't care if anyone knows. Curious!

Dabarella was an absolute menace this episode. She dealt with Kalandra, spared her from dying long enough for Queen B to deal the finishing blow, and summoned a god (technically, two gods!) She seems like she's getting teed up to be very important for the next season, too, being part of the negotiation team between the flora and fauna folk. She's perfect for the job :3 but there's a lot to talk about how the party moves through the world. They heightened the tension between the flora and fauna folk, and they have now assassinated a prince. They've been keeping their tracks covered so far, but they are extremely disruptive and often leave places worse off for their presence than better. They consider themselves heroes, but there's only so much they can do before their chaos catches up. They've just left an entire army full of robots to fill with dead souls below the castle, and destroyed B's necklace, which could lead to quite a lot of trouble down the line.

Grinderbin did so much - his arcana check was vital for deciphering the purpose of the robots. He also held Mortimer back from becoming the king of a robot army lol. He continues to reject his noble heritage, and has completely rejected 'schmoozing and lying'. His quick thinking with the statue defeated Latavia before he could cast more than a single spell, and he had the idea to not switch clothes back with Mortimer once they had finished their deception. Just wrapping an arm around Mortimer when he was being threatened was just adorable - he trusts Mortimer completely, despite everything he's seen. But if it comes down to Mortimer, or Dabarella and Sigmar, I wonder who he'd chose? Um. Also. Flora folk are made of other people's souls?????? WHAT???? WAS GRINDERBIN SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE???

Sigmar absolutely fucking tanked so many hits. Without him, they would not have made it through the Kalandra fight. His bone'n'marrow is incredibly cool, tbh, even if it is a bit of a pain to use. He also got to use his spell-stealing gauntlet at last, wooo! Seeing Eggelier just snap and completely bash him across the face was pretty funny lol, after everything they put her through, though, she deserved to get a hit in. Sigmar's first instinct being to destroy the machine was, honestly, the kind of call that I would have made. It looks complicated, looks dangerous, and they're absolutely gonna be dealing with the consequences of this one for a while yet.

Everyone played their characters so well and the final battle was absolutely incredible. This is literally the funnest show I've watched in a long time, I was glued to my seat and barely felt the time passing. Everything about this was worth the wait and I'm so happy we have new episodes now. I can't wait for everything to get re-released and to have all the episodes to watch from start to end. I'm excited for season 4, wooo!

[fff777]

New Chenji's this and that!!!!!!!! Travel ver >3

We're still technically in season 2 of Chenji's this and that?

So after over a year they're finally wrapping up season 2 lol. I guess they didn't just make this video season 3 episode 1 because they need at least one trip for every season.

I love that some of the members have emoji faces that really look like them. There's Chenle's laughing face here, Jeno's smiling face with crescent eyes, and Jisung's various baby chick expressions.

Chenle: Let's try making short form content Jisung: No Chenle: Alright then...

They're taking the train there! There's something so fun about train travel.

Chenle is so chatty even after just waking up

Jisung feels nervous in crowds ;_; Chenle talks about how he tries to overcome the anxiety that comes with crowds. Part of it is that as celebrities, crowds probably make them nervous because often all of that attention is on them. But also Jisung is also just a more timid person too.

Chenle, every time Jisung feels nervous in public: Power through! We've been doing this for 8 years.

Chenle pointing out Busan Chinatown :3

Chenji squabbling over what to eat because Jisung wants Busan Chinese hotpot and Chenle wants to try local specialties

Chenle talking about soup on rice forever and Jisung just listening

And then Chenle rambling on and on about street markets lmfao. I keep being reminded of the Dream in Paris vlogs where Chenle kept talking on and on and filling every silence with more talking and Mark was just listening

Chenle looking at toys for his nephew

I have also heard about the tanghulu craze in South Korea right now.

Finally the soup in rice that Chenle kept bringing up

"Had a huge party last night and are curing a hangover the next morning" roleplay

Jisung kept eating the hot peppers

Chenle legitimately hopped into a sunglasses store to get sunglasses. And Jisung did the dad thing where he was like "I'll wait for you outside."

Jisung lived in Busan for a few years :o

They photoshopped sunglasses onto the dolphin emoji lmao

Jisung: Among the cities I've been to, Paris is the most beautiful Chenle: So what about all the other cities? Chenle giving Jisung shit and not letting him live, what else is new

Kangaroo car karaoke~

So they filmed this after NCT Nation, before going to Paris

They made it to the beach~

Stylist and photographer Jisung, model Chenle

Dogie

They just stood and admired the waves for a while :3

More photographer Jisung and model Chenle

Jisung and Chenle had their photo taken as the train came, and then Jisung rushed to snap another photo of Chenle as the train was coming :3

I'd seen a gif of Jisung on a tram and at the time I'd thought that maybe he'd taken the same tram that Jinyoung had on his episode of Off the Grid. I think it's the same.

So Jisung...how does it make you feel that you're taking it with Chenle?

XD when you wanted to go on a romantic date but you're just with your bro?

Chenle always singing. Jisung knows what's up.

Jisung just went "look!" and had Chenle model for him again XD

On the other hand, when Chenle takes photos, it's a two-person job lol. Chenle was looking at the phone over his sunglasses, probably because the sunglasses would distort the colour on the phone. But he also looks like when people look up at you over their reading glasses lmfao.

Chenle: I wish I was here with someone else Jisung: You were, you took this trip with Czennie Good save

Jisung kept telling Chenle to look in different directions while they got their photos taken :P It seems like Jisung takes photos seriously!!!! hehe

Casually going on a yacht ride

Jisung extremely rattled by the netting on the yacht lol

Jisung: Make sure your phone is safe! Naggy Jisung returns

New information unlocked for Chenle

Chenle @ Jisung: Then you should wear the life jacket?!?!?!?!

More photography time

LMAO squatting while taking his photo

Just holding on for his life

Before, Chenle was saying that if someone fell in the water, Jisung would save them (which was how Chenle found out Jisung couldn't swim). Now Jisung was saying if the netting snapped, he'd fall through, and Chenle was like "don't worry, I'll save you >3"

Fireworks???

Jisung wanted to do their closing lying down but Chenle was like "it makes my forehead look big."

Chenle: Why haven't we filmed Chenji's this and that for a year? Jisung: Uh- Chenle: Actually, we fought for a year and only made up now

Also Chenle: Even if we fight, we still have to work Very professional. But also, something something Chenji divorce.

Oh wow I hadn't even realized Chenji's this and that had started 5-6 years ago. They were REALLY young when they first started though, with the slime episode lol.

This happened earlier too, but Chenle let Jisung start the show's slogan :P

Ahhh it was fun seeing them back after a long while. Chenle said that season 3 is coming soon though! :3

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Episode 6 Coherent(?) Thoughts

Okay my brain is fried from that episode, and I have things to do today so a rewatch is probably not in the foreseeable future (it is 12:55PM when I'm starting to write this queued post, and I haven't eaten yet today, if that tells you anything about what this episode has done to my brain and also what I have to get done today that I'm not doing right now and also a variety of other things that are out of my control so the anxiety's having lots of fun today okay moving on). I may do a Part 2 to the coherent thoughts for this episode, but also I'm planning a season 2 wrap-up post later this week so that might cover anything I don't talk about here. Spoilers for Loki season 2.

Okay but does he have to be there? Real talk though but does he have to be there? Does he have to be constantly watching the timelines, or is it like a knot where if he moves it all comes apart? Or once things get moving can he come and go as he pleases? Because I need him to NOT BE THE LOKI WHO REMAINS. MOBIUS, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU DOOMED HIM TO THIS FATE IN EPISODE ONE.

(Oookay, starting off very sane and coherent. Clearly.)

So far I've written two poems (queued up and coming) and started two fic ideas (which might become one fic, we'll see). And I'm sure I'll be coming up with more because like fucking hell am I leaving him there alone. The fic ideas are lengthy, though, so I would not expect them before the end of the week at the absolute earliest (and I'm finally starting my new job on Monday, so that might not happen either), and are probably too long for Tumblr so I'll likely just post to AO3 and promote the link on here once it's published.

(Side note: If you want those two poems early, and they're...okay, so maybe you do, I just put all (four) of my season 2 poems in one publication on AO3. The work is called To Stay (and other poems inspired by season 2) if you're interested. Or wait for the queued posts on Monday.)

I'm obsessed with the new outfit. The horns are too funny to me but the cloak is the shit. I wish it was The Coat, but it'll do excellently. My main criticism though is what the fuck are those shoes?! Just lose the shoes, bud! Post-ego death Loki comes back barefoot; he doesn't need shoes.

Loki did not technically create Yggdrasil. Not the concept of it, at least. It's been part of Asgardian vocabulary about the realms since before he was born (I'm pretty sure it's on the mosaic in Ragnarok). What he did was take the timelines and create a literal manifestation of the World Tree in the cosmos. Whether it already existed on the sacred timeline somehow as a literal and cosmological structure holding the nine (ten) realms together in the MCU, I don't know, but since we haven't seen it up to this point I think it's safe to say that it didn't. The real question is, if Loki took all of the branches and passed through the rift and his friends could no longer see him or the timelines from the TVA, how do they know it looks like a tree now, enough to put it on their new posters?

I said this already, but he's been a tree before and CANONICALLY HE DOESN'T ENJOY IT (to be fair he usually doesn't choose to become a tree). This fate is making me distraught, and brings me back to point one, in my own personal time loop.

[cultivating-wildflowers]

Books of 2022 - December and a Wrap-Up

December. The final month of a strange year for me. The month upon which all of my literary dreams and ambitions came to rest. And I asked myself: "Do you really think you'll actually get to all of those books before the new year?"

Answer: "Well, I got to some of them!" I had almost given up on reading any Narnia this year. In the end I've only started the series, but it's something. And I achieved just about every other reading goal for 2022!

Total books: 9  |  New reads: 5   |   2022 TBR completed: 0 / 21/22 total   |   2022 Reading Goal: 83/60

November | January

#1 - Witch Week by Diana Wynne Jones - 4/5 stars (audio)

The cast in this installment was excellent. I appreciate that DWJ can write children characters who act like children, down to the dangerous pettiness and antics. And the ending was splendid. I do wish Chrestomanci had shown up sooner, though.

#2 - The Magicians of Caprona by Diana Wynne Jones - 4/5 stars (audio)

This seems to be the most popular book in the Chrestomanci series, so I was eager to get to it. And I can see why it's so popular.

My only complaint was that I couldn't really separate Paulo and Tonino in my head. They weren't very distinct to me.

#3 - The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien - 5/5 stars (reread)

*drags myself across the floor by my fingernails* I did it.

I started this book at the end of August, got about four pages in, and stalled out. Which was quite the shock considering how well I did with the first two, and even with the Silm last year. By November, this book was haunting me. At the start of December I still had...well, most of it left.

But I did it. Barely.

I 100% do not recommend reading this in a public setting. I worked through the ebook at work (the holidays are our quietest season) and the amount of times I had to catch myself before I started crying? Ridiculous.

I need to make sure I don't wait a good 15 years before I read this series again.

#4 - Aberration by Cathy McCrumb - 5/5 stars (audio)

I cannot recommend this book--the entire series, really--highly enough. I came across the first book, Recorder, a while ago and went into it with pretty low expectations. The story I found blew me away.

Of all things, Recorder had a considerable impact on my identity as a pro-life person. The main character, whose only name is an alphanumerical designation, is part of a class of citizens who are "Gifted" to the government as preborn children (via transference to artificial wombs, iirc) to be raised as tools of the State: Recorders. Our Recorder's journey starts when a series of catastrophic circumstances upend her identity and she breaks all the rules by caring for the people she was sent to monitor.

If that sounds dry, that's my fault, lol. This series is up there with Murderbot for me, and shares a lot of the same themes and plot devices, only the Children of the Consortium series was written from a Christian worldview. And not clumsily, either, or in the way so many modern Christian novels are written. It is timely, sincere, heartwarming, and action-packed. Also there are cats. In space. (And giant bugs, sorry.)

Recorder ended on one heck of a cliffhanger and I've been eagerly anticipating Aberration. When I found out the audiobook was on Hoopla immediately following its release (the narrator is pretty great, too) I definitely squealed. I didn't take the time to review Recorder, but the first few chapters did a great job of refreshing my memory without dumping a lot of review.

Aberration was a solid sequel, building on the first book while developing its own well-paced plot. The cast gets to be a little unwieldy, but I love them all.

Now to wait for the next installment....

#5 - Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel - 5/5 stars (reread, audio)

I first read this book in 2019 while pretty new to my brief job at the gardens. I remember it was eerie but enthralling, and that was about it.

Finally I've reread it and I think I enjoyed it more this time through. The writing style is my favorite sort, up there with Catherynne M. Valente. I really don't know what else to say about it except that it's good, and I'm sorry Ruby didn't like it 😅.

#6 - Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne - 4/5 stars (reread) - 80th book of the year!

I say "reread" but I couldn't begin to guess when I last read this book. I remembered nothing at all about it. It was sitting on my list for me to read again at some point in the hazy future, and then tada! A tumblr read-along to fill in the gap left by Our Good Friend Jonathan.

A fun enough adventure, and the ending definitely made me laugh. I love Passepartout. Sad there weren't actually any hot air balloons.

#7 - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis - 5/5 stars (reread)

I had about given up on getting to this story in 2022, until I realized.... It's almost Christmas. You gotta read this at Christmastime. Luckily Hoopla has ebook copies (and audiobooks but I'm spoiled by the Radio Theater production so meh). Since work was quiet thanks to the holidays, I did enough reading to quickly mark off this nostalgia read.

The rest of the series is definitely on my list for next year. It's been too long.

#8 - Ender in Exile by Orson Scott Card - 4/5 stars

It took me just over a month to read this book, because for the first half I couldn't pay attention.

And then, in typical Card style, the second half made it all work. And I cried. And it felt like a good bridge between the other stories.

Technically this is part of the Ender's Game series (I think??) but I chose to read it after half of the Ender's Shadow series so I didn't spoil the rest of that series. After this I've got two more books in the Shadow series, including one that was released just last year, and one stand-alone-ish novel, and then?? There's another novel series but it's co-authored and I don't know that I'm up for that. Otherwise, there's just a lot of short stories. So I'm almost done!

#9 - The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis - 5/5 stars

One of my forgotten reading goals this year was to read more of C.S. Lewis's essays/nonfiction, and to this point I haven't managed it; but the little poll I ran a while ago brought up so many good recommendations that I requested one of them from the library to switch up my reading.

Naturally I deluded myself into thinking that because I chose a small-ish one, I might manage to read it in time.

Ha. I barely finished it today, on this the final day of 2022.

But it was so so worth it. I need to get my own copy so I can go over it again with a highlighter and then pass it along to my father.

DNF

The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge - Thanks to Tumblr, I've had Elizabeth Goudge on my radar for a while. I'd meant to start with The Bird in the Tree but was itching for a smaller read, so snagged this from the library.

I can see the appeal, but I think I finally understand people who don't like most or all of the Anne of the Green Gables series. The Old Parson felt like a character L.M. Montgomery would write, his only purpose to add an obstacle so Maria didn't work out all of the mysteries immediately. "Excessive female curiosity is not to be commended" sir. She'd never been in your church before and was just trying to get a good look at it. Honestly, a lot of the book felt that way. Unless I miss my guess, Maria goes on to solve the problems of Moonacre and Silverydew simply by acting where adults wouldn't. I know children need and enjoy seeing characters like themselves solving problems and saving the day, but usually it's because the adults can't help or refuse to listen or something; this was a different kind of uselessness.

Maybe it's because I was subconsciously comparing this book to The Perilous Gard, which also looked at the importance of stewardship and sustainability of the land, but the characters there actually...did stuff to help.

(Side note: I've actually seen the lackluster movie adaptation of this book and, as often happens to me, had no idea it was based on a book until recently.)

AND NOW...SOME STATS!

Statistics, yeah!

Of all of the books and series I wanted to get to in 2022, the only two I didn’t manage were rereada of Narnia and The Fairyland Chronicles. I read the first book of each and got no further.... I also wanted to read a little more C.S. Lewis (at least his nonfiction) and Terry Pratchett, but that’s ok. Next year.... Maybe.

General Stats:

Total Books read: 84

New Reads: 55

New Authors: 24

Audiobooks: 45

Nonfiction: 7

DNF’d: 19

2022 TBR:

Read: 15

DNF: 6

Didn’t Get To: 1 (the only way to read it was to buy it new and I never got around to that)

My Top Five Anticipated 2022 Reads:

The Lies of Locke Lamora - DNF

Walking on Water - 4/5 stars

Dust - 3/5 stars

The Unsettling of America - 5/5 stars

The Game of Kings - 4/5 stars

Top Five (New) Reads of 2022:

Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bjuold

The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery

Clouds of Witnesses by Dorothy L. Sayers

Recorder by Cathy McCrumb

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope

2023 Reading Plans:

Keep up on reading non-fictions. I have eight on my hard-and-fast TBR, covering a variety of topics, with another half-dozen waiting in the wings. Every year I get a little better at this goal, and every year I feel a little smarter.

Finish the Lord Peter Wimsey series. I have #’s 8-11 to go!

Get back into Discworld. This was part of a secondary goal for 2022. I kind of want to reread the Tiffany Aching series so I can finish The Shepherd’s Crown with a refresher under my belt. If I do that, I’ll have completed three of the subseries! (Depending on how you count the Industrial Revolution/Moist von Lipwig series, as there is some cross-over.) Whether or not I reread Tiffany’s series, I do want to dive into another subseries as well (either finish the Witches or try Death.)

Read from a wider variety of authors. My list this year is an effort to branch out: different time periods, different backgrounds, different nationalities, different settings; even some different genres (eeek).

Continue my on-going quest to find more quality modern Christian writers. The list is still a little thin for 2023, so shout if you have recs! I still lean hard into speculative fiction, though I’m angling more for the adult audience range these days, but I’m open to anything of quality. My biggest issue here is access to these authors, since the ones I go for tend to be less well-known and not available through the library.

Read 50 books. Because I gotta have a number. Am I aiming low? Sure. Will I adjust once I hit it? Who knows.

And finally...

Top Five Anticipated Reads of 2023

Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer

Crime and Punishment* by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Gaudy Night by Dorothy L. Sayers

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

Sea of Tranquility** by Emily St John Mandel

Phew, this was a hard list to narrow down....

*or The Brothers Karamazov but I still can't decide.

** what's this?? a semi new release?? wonder of wonders!

[fires-of-ninjago]

Okay, I have been holding-off on writing anything about the current season of Ninjago for a while now. But now that I've actually finished it, I feel like this is something that I just have to get out of my system. So for those of you who want to keep this spoiler-free, I'm going to put everything else under the cut, so: FAIR WARNING!

Maybe this is just me, but after watching the ending, does anyone else feel like Crystalized is just...a bad season? I mean, over-all, the story itself is a little too drawn out for 10-ish minute episodes, and they're packing them full of information and plot, and it just feels a little too disorganized to me. It's like they had a bunch of ideas for an absolute ton of shorts and little snippets, and instead of pushing most of them of them aside, they just decided to add them all together!

And to top it all off, they just completely abandoned the plot of the first half of the season after they picked it back up from the mid-season! It's just a complete rush-job that feels way too much like the ending of Game of Thrones!

I mean, I now have to reassess weather Skybound and/or Hands of Time should be the weakest! Because, lets face it; Skybound had the same kind of rushed ending, and Hands of Time was just trying to pack too many things into it at once as well. But at least they didn't end up as much of an inconsistent hot-mess like Crystalized!

And yes, I know that this is supposed to be a series finale; but so was March of the Oni, and THAT one actually felt way more like they had wrapped things up than what happened here! And that's not even touching on the fact that they just dropped how the ninja are still technically fugitives; the mayor is missing and the new ninja, along with Ronin and the other escapees are MIA! I mean, are they dead? Still corrupted? In a coma? HOW COULD THEY JUST LEAVE THESE THINGS UNANSWERED?! 🤬

The writers had something great going with focusing on creating original story-lines, but taking everything from the weakest seasons and putting a new coat of paint on the worst parts without doing ANYTHING to actually address them only does a disservice to the fans, the writers and the studio who this was supposed to be a grand send-off for!

[ana-benn]

Inspired by this interview:

If Only You Knew

Jamie Benn friends to lovers story featuring: angst, fluff, and a whole lot of miscommunication.

When you'd first accepted a job as the Stars PR assistant you figured you'd stay a few months, boost your resume, and move on. Quickly though you found yourself falling in love with the guys, and the job. It was fun to just be able to interact with them on a human level, and the fact that you knew the sport helped. They trusted you, so when your boss couldn't handle something you were called in. Especially if it was something pitiful. A guy wanted to do dinner and talk about getting his face out there more, or dealing with a girlfriend fall out. It usually fell on you.

The best part about the job was the friends you'd made, and for the first time in your life you had a beat friend. You and Jamie had instantly bonded, both being the ones who preferred sitting off by yourselves during events and parties. Of course the addition of Boston's resident playboy had originally put a damper on things, but they'd found a balance. Each bringing out the best in the other. It was endearing really, and you found yourself enjoying a different side of your best friend.

Gone was the shy behavior replaced by a new confidence and a desire to just be as good as he could. You found this new side of Jamie more and more attractive. At the same time it seemed all of a sudden the guy who'd schedule meetings when Tom, your boss, was busy so you'd have a built in excuse to have a mid-week hang out day was gone and all of a sudden he started dating like crazy. You'd spent so long taking for granted that Jamie was just as much of a workoholic as you, it was a shock to the system when he started bailing on your biweekly movies and junk food sessions. He wasn't able to eat crap that often, and you tried to eat right typically so it was a fun night, and one you both looked forward to.

Now here you stood in his dining room for the first time in months, after a decent but ultimately disappointing season, setting out a spread. Wings, pizza, beer, every kind of chip Jamie had in his pantry, with ice cream in the freezer for later. Your own growing interest in him romantically was under control at the idea of just spending quality time with your best friend.

"Hey!" Jamie greeted walking downstairs. "That smells amazing, but I've got to bail tonight. Jordie is on his way with crappy movies though so you and him can definitely hang out."

"Oh," was all you could think to say, trying to hide the disappointment on your face. "That's okay I'll just head home then."

"Come on, don't be like that. Jordie loves your company," Jamie tried.

"I like his too, but I kinda thought it would be nice to spend time with you," you tried to cover. "Don't worry about it. Another time."

"Come on, just hang out with Jordie. It's not like you have other plans," Jamie said walking to the living room.

You followed him, anger bubbling up, "I'm sorry?"

"Look you're here, right? So you didn't make plans, so hang out with Jordie, so you aren't alone," Jamie shrugged.

"I didn't make plans, because I thought you were making time for me for once." You muttered.

"What was that?" Jamie asked, you could sense his frustration mounting too.

"Jamie," you started, pausing to control your anger. "If you don't want to spend time with me that's fine. But don't pretend okay? I'm a big girl. I can find someone else to spend time with, you don't need to pawn me off on your brother."

"I'm not pawning you off," Jamie tried to placate you. "I just forgot Segs set up a double date, and I promised I'd come."

"Jamie, you don't have to do this," you sighed rubbing your fingers over your face.

"Obviously I do," he retorted.

"Jamie, just be honest!" You said exasperated.

"Honest about what, exactly?"

"You make time for the things you care about," you felt the break in your voice. "Don't pretend to care about me if you can't be damned to show it."

"Can we try irrational for $1000," Jamie snarked.

"I just can't do this anymore!" You yelled, furious. His mocking was the end of your rope.

"Really?" Jamie shouted back, sarcastically, "I thought you were being a bitch for no reason."

"You know what Jamie," you fumed. "Fuck you. I'm leaving." You went to grab your purse off the dining room table, where dinner sat getting cold.

"Fine," came his cold reply. "Lose my fucking number while you're at it."

"Bye Jamie," you said shutting his front door behind you.

You felt yourself fighting tears wondering how it came to this. Two hours ago you were excited, looking forward to a nice relaxing evening. Now it seemed everything was falling apart.

You made it into your car, and halfway to your apartment before the tears fell. You sucked it up long enough to get home, and before you'd even made it to you room your heart shattered. You laid in the hallway for an undeterminable amount of time, before the tears stopped. Your eyes hurt from crying so hard, and it felt like your heart had been removed from your body. You felt like you should call someone, anyone really, but the only voice you wanted to hear was the one who left you this sobbing waif.

It wasn't fair to expect Jamie to act any different really. You were the idiot who caught feelings, not him. He was free to date or spend his time however he wanted to. You just wanted the courtesy of him saying it, instead you lashed out and watched the friendship you'd built crumble.

That caused a new round of sobs as you thought you heard something in your hallway. You wrote it off as you focused on trying to calm your breathing. As you finally started to feel calm you heard a distinctive thump against your door. You slowly got up, wiping your face as best you could, thinking that there was a chance your elderly, Mr. Barnes, had fallen. You looked out your peephole and saw nothing. So you opened the door and before you could react you had a very drunk 6'2, 207 pound hockey player at your feet.

"It's you!" He exclaimed.

"Jamie?" You questioned. He nodded excitedly, "What are you doing here."

"I was drunk," he explained.

"I know that," you replied. "Why are you at my apartment instead of your house?"

"You've been crying," he announced finally getting up. You closed the door as he wandered to your couch, throwing himself on it. You hated how at home he looked here.

"Jamie, it's late I don't want to fight anymore. I'm going to get you a blanket," you said walking to your linen closet.

When you returned he looked at you with sad eyes, "I never want to fight with you."

"Jamie, I'm sorry about what I said okay. My feelings were hurt," you tried to soothe. He wasn't in a place to have a real conversation, but you knew he wouldn't sleep without something.

"You hurt mine first," he mumbled. His voice sounding much more sober suddenly.

"What?"

"You went out with Ben what's-his-face. I wanted to punch his face, but noooo. Tyler said I had to just let you realize we were perfect together, but you never did," he sounded so sad and broken.

"Jamie," you sighed out. But before you could say anything he was asleep.

You eventually made your own way to bed, determined to talk to Jamie tomorrow.

------------------------

The next morning you greeted Jamie with a bottle of water and Tylenol, "Here." You felt suddenly very shy with him, not knowing how today would go.

"Thanks," he mumbled downing all of it in one go. "How'd I get here?"

"I was hoping you knew."

"All I know is we fought, I went to my stupid dinner and I think I drank the place," he said rubbing his head. "Oh God, what did I say to you?" He suddenly jerked his head up.

"A lot actually. Apparently I hurt your feelings?" You said, not wanting to have this conversation, and also desperately wanting to have it.

"Look, I had feelings for you, but your my best friend. I shouldn't lash out like that, I'm sorry," Jamie apologized.

"What if I have feelings for you?" You asked, shyly meeting his brown eyes.

"Then, we have a new conversation to have," he said gulping slightly.

"I don't think so," you said, sliding your leg over his seating yourself on his leg. His hands immediately wrapping around your waist. "I think it's best if we just start right here." You kissed him softly.

"Now," you said, getting off him and taking his hand. "Neither of us got any sleep, so come with me." You pulled him back to your bed room onto your bed. As you both got situated his arms wrapped around you and your head rested on his shoulder. "We can't figure everything else out after we sleep," you whispered as you felt his lips against your head.

@captainbenn sorry it took so long. I already started a part two!

[tinisprout]

No Doubt in Us

Chapter Seven - They'll Be Fine *written chapter below*

Fiance!Haknyeon x Fem!reader

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Synopsis: Life is great, you have your dream job, you finally got your first big break, and you are now engaged to the love of your life. Happier than you’ve ever been, you live life one day at a time. Then one day a terrible accident happens leaving you in a coma. Where you finally awake, everything is not as you remember. Amnesia takes away 3 years of your memory, forgetting your beloved Fiance. Faced with a reality that seems unreal, as your mind is stuck in a past with uncomfortable memories, your future with him is uncertain.

Send me an ask if you want to be put on the taglist for this series

Taglist:@my-summer-night @deputyjuyeon @juhaktheoneforme @sunqnew

Sorry for the late chapter I've been very busy

Word count: 3.6K

Neither of you knew who fell asleep first, let alone at what time you fell asleep. What you did know is that it wasn't enough sleep. Both of your eyes were red and heavy after waking up by your alarm. Maybe setting it to 9:30 was a mistake. You look at Haknyeon who was sitting up trying to keep his eyes open.

"You know I love you, but I blame you for this." He uses his hands to refer to both of you.

"Excuse me, if I remember correctly we both were tweeting, Diamonds aren't forever lyrics." Bickering like this with him seemed to be so far away before yesterday, but after talking with him last night you felt a lot closer, he felt like a friend.

"Ugh fine, equal blame." He smirked, enjoying this little banter. You get up from the floor hitting your face to wake you up a bit more.

"Better." You reach your hand out to him, and he takes it pulling himself up. "Alright, clean up time." You swipe your phone off the ground checking to see if there was anything new. Just in time, your phone buzzed a new message from your mom.

Mom: Hey Honey, I know we said we'd come over noonish, but your father got very excited to make something for you guys. He already bought everything, so forewarning. We'll be there in an hour give or take. See you soon.

You turn to Haknyeon showing him the message. When he looked back up at you, you asked, "Since when did my dad cook?"

"Hmm, maybe a year now?" He says almost unsure of it himself. "But that's a story for later, your dad will love to tell you. We have about an hour to get this place in order before they come." You text her an, “ok”, back.

"Okay, let's get some speed cleaning done." You both work together to fold the big comforter. "I'll bring everything back upstairs." Haknyeon nods at you.

"I'll take care of the kitchen area," he calls out to you. You felt a little bad, you left a lot of dishes there. I'll just work faster so I can do other things. The sounds of clinking dishes and shuffling feet filled the house, both doing various tasks around their home. When they were finally satisfied with their work they both went to sit down on the couch to rest.

As if cursed preventing you from resting, a knock came from the door, making you both stand up again. You check your phone, 10:53 a.m. a little over an hour from the time your mom said. You both scurry to the door. You could hear the familiar voice of your mother conversing with your father, it brought a smile to your face. It felt like it had been such a long time since you last saw them, and maybe that was the case, you weren’t sure. Still, you opened the door eagerly for them.

“Mom,” you say with a big smile on your face. You see that she is carrying bags in her arms and you take them from her, ushering her inside. “Come in.” Following behind her was your father with bags in his hands as well, “Dad.” You set the bags down and your father does the same.

Everyone except Haknyeon was crowding the entranceway. You looked at your parents, they seemed a little bit older than the image you had of them in your memories, and you felt your throat tighten. When they looked at you, they scanned you from head to toe, touching your face, lifting your arms, making sure you were really okay. Their actions make you chuckle, “I’m okay, I promise,” you say trying to reassure them. Their baby girl was really okay.

“You’re okay,” Your mother wraps you in a hug, “It’s okay, you’ll be okay, honey. I promise.” Your words being thrown back at you like that made tears prick your eyes. You brought one of your arms around your mother and your other hand reached out and tugged your father’s shirt urging him to join you two. Creating this group hug the three of you had a tearful reunion, saying I love and I miss yous to each other.

Despite how close he was to your parents he still felt like it wasn’t his place to be there in your moment, so he waited patiently by the side, smiling at the happy little family reunion. Your father pulled away looking and looked in Haknyeon’s direction while wiping away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “Come here, son. You’re part of this family too.” Haknyeon was shocked by your father’s words.

Regardless of how close he was to your family, this moment felt like it was too personal to be a part of, especially with how things are now, so he hesitated to come closer. You and your mother pulled away from each other and she looked to Haknyeon as well. “It’s okay, Dear. Don’t act like a stranger.” As she said that, your mother spread her arms out, welcoming him. Your parents looking at him as one of their own, Haknyeon felt overwhelmed with emotions. They looked so sincere to him and he couldn’t deny them, so he came to them as they wished.

“It must have been hard on you too.” The three embraces and Haknyeon felt a different kind of comfort compared to his friends’ comfort. This parental comforting feeling that he didn’t know he was craving. Since the whole incident, he didn’t tell his mom about a single thing, he knew she already had a lot on her plate, he didn’t want to stress her out. Tears pooled in his eyes, your parents could feel his shoulders tremble and their hearts broke.

Crying the stress away felt so much relief and gratitude for your parents. Haknyeon thanks them and everyone takes a moment to clean themselves up, wiping away the tears, this peaceful calm now over the room. You and Haknyeon both take the bags your parents brought and lead them further into the house, dropping the bags off in the kitchen. “So, Haknyeon said I should ask you guys about Dad cooking. Why is that suddenly your thing?” You ask, bringing in a topic that should be a happy conversation.

Your parents hum at the same time thinking. “It’s definitely because of Haknyeon,” your mother says while nodding her head.

“It was when we came over. You are your mother went to go get something, so you left the task of cooking to Haknyeon,” your father chimes after. You look to Haknyeon and he nods confirming your father’s answer.

“I had your dad help out a little here and there. I think he first got interested in the seasoning process.” Haknyeon smiled as he thought back on the old memory. Your father and Haknyeon recounted their first cooking experience together, many laughs filled the house. Then your mother piped up at the end of the story looking at you.

“Needless to say when we got back home, take-out needed to be ordered. Whatever scaps they salvaged was not enough to feed the four of us.”

“I was lucky your mother let me touch a stove again, let alone walk in the kitchen.” Your father passes a playful smile to your mother.

“That’s right, you’re lucky that the scraps you offered were not that bad. Now that I think about it that was Haknyeon’s doing, wasn’t it?” She teases him and your father feigns sadness.

“It hurts me that you would think that way, Dear.” This familiar banter between your parents brought a smile to your face, they were still as in love with each other as you had always seen them. Your eyes subconsciously moved to Haknyeon, a smile still holding on to your face. You didn’t expect to see Haknyeon's eyes already on you, the corner of his lips lifted, your eyes went wide. Haknyeon, as if caught doing something bad looks aways, but realizing how silly he must look, his eyes found their way back to you.

He gave you a bashful smile and you tittered at the display. The moment is broken up by your mother motions you over to her. "Well you boys can have fun cooking together again, I need to catch up with my daughter."

"Have fun, Ladies. We'll call you if we're done here before you." Your father shooed you away from the kitchen and took your spot by Haknyeon. You and your mom decided to go out to the back porch, taking a seat at the small table set up you had.

"So, honey, how have you been lately?" You sigh.

"I have been better, but I'm working on it."

"And what about you and Haknyeon?"

"It was a little difficult at first, but we decided to try and work it out. He seems really nice and he is fun to talk to, but I don't know if I can fall in love again, it's all feels so sudden.”

“That’s understandable. We love Haknyeon, but if you feel he isn’t right for you anymore, don’t be afraid to say so. We’ll be here for you no matter what.”

“I know, I think falling for someone like him would be nice, but life isn’t that easy.” Knowing how your relationship was with Haknyeon, she thought it was almost impossible that you wouldn’t come to love him again, but she kept her mouth shut. That was something you needed to figure out on your own, she didn’t want you to feel like you had to be with him, even if that’s what she hoped for.

“What about your friends how have they been fairing with this?”

“We’re good, I think. They are understanding about everything even the ones I don’t remember. They seem like good people.”

“You always had good taste in friends, if Chanhee is any indication of that.” You release a deep sigh, feeling your soul shrivel up at the thought of Chanhee. Your mother looks at you with confusion, “What happened?”

“We got into a little argument.”

“Some things just never change do they,” She chuckles. Watching the both of you grow up she witnessed some of your fights and had sometimes been the one to help you two patch things up. “You’ll be fine,” she really wasn’t worried, the two of you always found a way to make up.

“Yeah, I’ll work on it.” The conversation veers off from its current direction. The two of you talked about what you could and couldn’t remember. She told you about stories of yourself she could recall, and then some stuff about her and your father. There didn’t seem to be a big change with them and that brought comfort to you, knowing that some things were still the same as you remembered.

Meanwhile, inside the house, the two men were cooking. Your father was instructing Haknyeon on how they were going to make lunch. When the cutting proceeded, your father spoke up first.

“So, have the two of you made any decisions yet?” it was a sudden question but he could only assume he meant about the status of your relationship.

“Well it was a little complicated at first, but she said she wanted to try dating me again, so we kind of started our relationship over again.”

“You think you can make her love you again?”

“I- I’m trying to be hopeful. What she saw in me before, she can see again.”

“Personally, I don’t think you should worry that much. I’m not saying to not try and win her over, that will still take some work, but I can’t see her not falling in love with you again. Do you know how much happiness you brought her? I think you’re already set up for success, just don’t screw up.” With his last words, the knife he was using slammed into the cutting board with a loud thud, cutting through a carrot and the cut-off piece went flying.

“Please be careful,” Haknyeon says as he picks up the carrot piece and throwing it away.

“That was an accident, I was distracted.” He stops trying to cut and looks a Haknyeon. “But on the off chance that things don’t turn out good and she decides that she can’t love you, through no fault of your own, then just know whoever she picks after, I won’t like them as much as you. You’re like the son I never had.” Nothing like a little dark humor to lighten the mood.

“Thank you, Sir.” Haknyeon felt sheepish at his words, even though it wasn’t the first time he’s said something like that. Light-hearted small talk continued as the two continued prepping, besides the one mistake in the beginning the cooking process goes on without a hitch. Soon enough the house filled with a tantalizing smell. When all is done, your father goes outside to call you can your mother back for food.

When you finally come back inside with your mother you are greeted with the sight of Haknyeon contentedly setting the table for everyone with care. Your eyes lingered on him, looking at the half-smile to yourself, His smile is nice. It gives him a friendly endearing look and you didn’t notice you started smiling looking at him till your mother nudged your arm, dragging you back to reality from the daze you were in, giving you a knowing smile as she looks from you to Haknyeon and back. You turn away from her not saying anything feeling flustered at the realization of what you were doing and walk ahead of her. You could hear your mother snicker, this causes Haknyeon to look up at you then your mother and his smile grow.

“What’s so funny?” You felt your face heat up, Why did he have to look now?

“It’s nothing.” You try and hide your embarrassment with a smile and Haknyeon looks at you suspiciously before letting it go and telling you both to have a seat at the dinner table. Taking up the offer you sat and soon the table was set and everyone was seated. To your delight, the food looked, smelled, and tasted good. “My compliments to the chief,” you nod at your father approving of his cooking, and glance at Haknyeon in acknowledgment of his help.

“Careful, Honey. Don’t inflate your father’s ego too much now or he’ll start to think he’s better than me.” It’s true, it wasn’t as good as your mother’s cooking, but he had potential.

“Just you wait, I will be one day.” Your father shoots a stubborn glare at your mother, causing everyone to laugh. The meal warms you up from the inside and you stuff yourself with your first meal of the day. Thinking about that you realized two things: Haknyeon also didn’t eat before this and this is the first time you’ve had a meal with him, so you glance over at him, catching him mid-bite. If your eyes could they would have gone as big as when he opened his mouth to take a bite.

Haknyeon greedily shovels the food in his mouth and when he notices you staring, he stops mid spoon, mouth still agape. You bite on your top lip to stop yourself from laughing at the silly look he had. Sure, it was shocking to see him open his mouth like he was about to unhinge his jaw, but in its own, weird way, it’s cute and charming. Haknyeon just felt like he was embarrassing himself too much today. You mouth an apology and he pouts his lips a little, your small interaction going unnoticed by your parents as they were currently in their own world.

Lunch with your parents continues with light conversation and when everyone had their fill you started to help clean up, but your mother stops you.

“Thank you, but we got it. You and Haknyeon go take a rest for a bit we’ll be done soon.”

“You sure?” Both you and Haknyeon ask.

“Yeah, go, go.” For the second time today, you are shooed away in your own house. You went going to cross swords in helping since you felt your tiredness hit you again after eating. The two of you decided to take a seat on the couch, leaning back into the cushions and leaning your heads back. You felt this amazing comfort perfect for dozing off, you wonder if Haknyeon is feeling the same.

“It’s not just me, right? I feel so warm and sleepy now.”

“Hmm?” Way ahead of you already he was starting to doze off too and you smile.

“Sleepy?”

“Yeah…” You both can’t help but let sleep take over you despite the noise coming from the kitchen. When your parents finish cleaning up they call out to the two bodies on the couch, but neither answers. So your mother goes up to both of you and holds back a gasp. She waves your father over and the sight he is greeted to is you and Haknyeon leaning on each other.

As if unconsciously drawn to each other’s warmth, your head rests on his shoulder and his head was laying on the top of yours. Both pairs of legs lean towards each other.

“I was planning to stay here a little bit longer, but I think we should leave now.” Your mother whispers to your father. He nods and they get prepared to leave. Your mother left a note on the counter and your father decided to take a picture of the two of you, making sure to send it to Haknyeon. They leave both thinking the two of you will be just fine.

***

You stirred in your sleep state bringing yourself closer to the heat you felt beside you, but the movement brought pain to your neck and shoulders waking you up. Opening your eyes you lifted your head and felt a terrible stiffness, you realize your head was laying on Hakyneon’s shoulder. Not just that, but you were also in close proximity to each other, almost like you were cuddling. You look at Haknyeon checking if he was awake but all signs led to a no, eyes closed, as his head was leaned back on the couch in an uncomfortable-looking way, his lips parted slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. You admittedly feel a little weird being with him like that but it wasn’t bad, besides the pain you felt currently.

You carefully get off the couch so you don’t wake him up. You grab your phone from your pocket, checking the time, 6:48 pm. Surely your parents weren’t here still. You find the note left on the kitchen counter.

I remember you said you mentioning you were tired, so we decided we should just let you two sleep. Don’t feel bad about falling asleep on us, we had a lot of fun see you guys again. Take care.

Love Mom

You go back to Haknyeon on the couch, looking at the position of his head again. Figuring it would be better to wake him up now or else he would end up having a greater pain in his neck. Drawing closer to him you get a better look at his face, his skin was flawless, it looked even better than Chanhee’s skin. You get even closer for a better look and before you realize what you’re doing your fingers slide across his face cupping his cheek, skin just as soft as it looked. You lightly shake his face calling to him, “Haknyeon... Haknyeon, wake up.”

His eyes flutter open, a dazed look on his face, like at any moment he could go back to dreamland. His eyes focused on the visage in front of him, blurry yet he could still see the ever recognizable beauty that was you. His lips moved in an arc and he brought his hand up to your face cupping your cheek in the same way you did his. That is what brought you out of your trance and you were petrified in an instant. You felt your heart shoot up in your throat when you saw the loving gaze he directed at you while rubbing your cheek with his thumb.

This killing blow in it all is when he called you, “Hey, y/n,” with a deep husky voice that you were wholly unfamiliar with. You felt your face and neck heat up, with the intimacy of the situation. Does he realize what he is doing or is he still half asleep? You shot up from the couch not sure if you wanted to know the answer, stepping away quickly, trying to distance yourself from the state of affairs. Startled Haknyeon sits up snapping out of his daze.

“I- uh, sorry.” Haknyeon looked as confused as you were shocked.

“Did I just- I thought I was…. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He truly thought you were just in his dream, it was such a common occurrence that he didn’t think twice.

“No, I started it. it’s my fault.” He recalled the touch of your hand, that kind of contact made it feel almost as if nothing between the both of you changed. Neither of you knew what to say at the moment, so there was a bout of silence. You opened your mouth again after thinking of something to say, asking a question straight from left field, “Can you help me? I need to apologize to Chanhee.”

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[sylphid187]

Epilogue:Another One

Sunlight hits his face as it streams through his bedroom window. Kenma groans and tries to roll over from his current position on the bed, but finds that he has difficulty moving. He blinks his eyes open and then looks down, only to see a pair of arms draped around his waist, holding him tight. His thoughts begin to drift and he sighs fondly, remembering that he is no longer sleeping alone again, because after long weeks alone in a large house, Kuro is finally home. 

Kuro had to go on regular trips away for the JVA, that was just part of the job description. Of course, this means Kenma is usually alone at their, yes it's officially theirs now, home. Getting Apple Pie, Pie for short, has been helpful to ease the loneliness. The calico kitten has been nothing but a rumble of energy and adorable, always there to keep Kenma company. But it didn't erase the loneliness completely, and there was just no feeling that could compare to having Kuro around. 

But current events have allowed them more time together in the following months. With the V-League officially back in season, Kuro has been put in charge of attending those specific events. With most of the games being held in nearby stadiums, Kenma could actually spare some time to go watch them live with him. This was especially true when Shouyou was playing. The Jackals games were either watched live or in the comfort of their living room, at real time, while cuddled together. Kenma has never missed any of Shouyou's games. 

It's been around six months since their messy confession, give or take. Six months since they came out to the public as a couple, and the start of their rollercoaster of a relationship. They didn't have the perfect relationship, Kenma thinks. They still had misunderstandings, and sometimes they argued about the silliest things. But they never went to bed angry at one another, never slept without trying their best to settle things, in a way that won't leave either of them struggling to pick up the pieces of the fight the next day. Overall, Kenma was content and happy, and he hoped that Kuro was too. 

"Thinking about something?" Being stirred away from his thoughts, he feels Kuro mutter. The other's face buried on the top of his head, voice still groggy. 

"Hm. Nothing important." Kenma replies with another sigh. 

"Care to share then?" Kenma feels Kuro shift his position a bit, allowing the smaller male to turn around and having them face to face, before once again feeling Kuro's arms around his waist. "I'm a very good listener you know." 

"I was thinking of replacing you." Kenma states in a deadpan voice. 

Kuro gasps "Kenma! I'm offended! Only six months and you're tired of me already? Woe is me." Kuro tightens his hold and touches their noses together. "So tell me then, what do I have to do to regain your favor?" 

"You can get up and make breakfast." Kenma states. "And maybe I'll reconsider." 

Kuro immediately grins. "I knew my cooking was good for something. Here's an idea, you stay here and get some more shut eye. I'll make sure you have something to fill your empty stomach in a bit, yeah?" Kuroo starts to get up, slowly untangling himself between the mess of limbs the two of them are in. But Kenma immediately stops Kuroo and keeps him in place. "Kenma?" 

Kenma buries himself between the blanket and Kuro and snuggles closer. "Ten more minutes. Please." He just isn't ready to leave this warmth just yet. 

He feels Kuro place a kiss on the crown of his head, and hears the other give out a small chuckle of amusement. "Of course kitten, whatever you want." Kuro slowly settles back into his previous position. And it doesn't take long for sleep to overtake him again, filled with complete contentment and bliss. 

 

When Kenma wakes, it's to his stomach rumbling and the wafting smell of buttered toast and sizzling bacon. He slightly sniffs the air before opening his eyes and sighs in disappointment that he can no longer feel Kuro’s warmth beside him. Kenma allows himself to yawn and stretch before he rubs his eyes to force himself awake. He puts on slippers and pads out of the room, straight to their connected dining area and living room. 

He stops mid-step and blinks when he sees Kuro standing there, cup of coffee in one hand, and cat food on the other. 

"There you go buddy, must be tasty huh?" Kuro crouches down to place a generous amount of cat food into Pie's bowl. The kitten gives a pleased meow. "Yeah, yeah. I don't want you ever complaining to Kenma that I starve you, you hear me?" 

"Meow" Pie continues to stare at Kuro with wide eyes. 

"No! You are not getting any more this morning. We want you well fed, not extremely chunky!" 

"Meow" came with marching padding at Kuro's feet. 

"I know there's nothing wrong with being a chunky cat! But you're young and we have to make sure you eat healthy first, then maybe we can get you a nice piece of fish for dinner, how's that sound?" 

"Meow!" 

"I knew you'd see it my way. Now, go get your breakfast!" And Pie saunters off to her bowl and just about devours her meal. 

Kenma smiles at the domesticity of the entire scene. Kuro having an entire conversation with their cat, completely unaware, with all his barriers down. It reminds Kenma how easy it is to just fall into normalcy with Kuro, even with their new relationship. It's as if nothing and yet everything has changed all at once. 

"You know, I can't believe you lost an argument with a cat." 

Kuro immediately turns to face him and grins. "Excuse me, I did not lose. We just happen to reach a healthy compromise." He places his coffee mug down on the table, and starts to pour Kenma a cup of his own. He motions for Kenma to come over, and the gamer complies, ready to get his dose of morning coffee. 

"She got her way. You're giving her fish for dinner, it'll be your fault if she turns into a spoiled cat." 

"Oh come on, don't pretend that you don't sneak her pieces of your dinner from under the table." Kuro grins at him as he slides Kenma's plate of a healthy breakfast. 

He doesn't have a retort to that. because yes, he does shove Pie bits of his dinner from under the table, but Kenma would never just admit that and let Kuro win that easily. 

"I'll take your silence as an admittance of guilt." Kuro tells him. "But don't worry, at least you know she's got both of us wrapped around her finger...or is it her paw? That just doesn't sound right."  

Kenma smiles again as he shoves a piece of bacon in his mouth. He's too focused on his breakfast; that when he looks back up a while later, he sees Kuro staring from across him. The taller male's resting his chin on one hand, finished coffee mug on the other, and looking at Kenma with a look that seemed like he hung the stars. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Kenma asks. 

"Like what?" 

"Like that. Like....I don't know, like I'm some kind of mythical creature. Or like I'm the best thing you've seen all day." Kenma clarifies with a raised eyebrow. 

"You are though." Kuro says with a smile so soft, Kenma kinda wants to slap that look off his face. 

"I'm what?" he asks again. 

"Best thing I've seen all day. Best thing in my life actually." Kuro says with the smile never leaving his face. 

Kenma's face burns, he looks down and aggressively stabs the next chunk on his plate and shoves it into his mouth. He hears Kuro guffaw at this, and feels his face get even hotter. "You know kitten, any more and you'd put our old Nekoma jackets to shame with that shade of red." 

"Shut up Kuro." Kenma mutters while he throws a glare at the other's direction. Kuro just continues to smile, already knowing that there isn't any animosity in that look. 

The remainder of breakfast passes in comfortable silence, moments with Pie inserted in between. Once they're done, they do their part to clean up, and then start their other routines for the day. Kenma goes back to his room and begins to focus on paperwork with Bouncing Ball and his upcoming stream, and Kuro goes to his own room to have a meeting with people from the JVA. 

It's pretty much routine at this point. Their jobs often being the reason why they can't always spend time together 24/7. But Kenma likes to think it contributes to why he loves Kuro so much, loves being with Kuro so much. His relationship with Kuro was never something that followed a certain set of standards or locked in a set of rules. They didn't have to always see each other to be happy, they didn't have to always physically be around one another all the time to be together , and they didn't require a regular update on each other's business every time. They also never deemed it necessary to be overly public about how they felt, at least not by their standards, which probably contributed to why they took so long to acknowledge their feelings in the first place. 

Theirs is more a quiet, straightforward kind of love. One filled with silent affirmation, affection, comfort and just being there when the other needs it the most. Kenma was never loud to begin with, always just observant and aware, but he never had to be for Kuro to know how he felt. Years of knowing each other has ultimately made Kenma realize that it's always, ever, been Kuro. And it always will be. 

Later that night, as the day ends and they snuggle together on Kenma’s large bed, Kenma’s thoughts drift to how lucky and content he is. Pie has chosen to sleep in between them on the bed tonight, positioning himself slightly, just on Kenma’s stomach. He thinks of his little family that they have built together and wonders about the future they have. 

"Hey." Kuro whispers, the man's hand stroking Pie's back, coaxing the kitten into a deeper sleep. 

"Hm?" Kenma tries his best not to squish their furbaby while snuggling just a little closer to Kuro. 

"We should get Pie a companion, don't you think?" Kuro asks him. 

Kenma raises an eyebrow questioningly. "You want to get us another cat? Why?" 

Kuro shrugs "I think it'd be nice to get the little guy a friend that's all. And don't you want Pie to have a friend?" 

"We aren't getting another cat." he tells the other. Kenma is trying to dispel this impulsive decision, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he would absolutely adore another cat. Kuro simply grins and their debate that night ends at that.

Three days later though, Kuro enters their home with more cat toys, another bag of cat food, and a small burmese cat following behind him. 

"Kuro. What's that?" Kenma stares, and gives the other a look . 

"... Not another cat?" The taller male says sheepishly, as he slowly sets the purchases down.  

The black burmese cat then pads over to Kenma and goes in between his legs. It's only then that Kenma notices the wet fur and shivering body. He bends down to pet the small creature and unknowingly smiles as he does. It then pads over to Pie who is observing at the corner of the room, and begins to nuze the other kitten. Kenma sighs in defeat before looking up to see a triumphant grin on Kuro's face. 

"Hey in my defense, I went to the store to get more cat food. This little guy just followed me home." He raises his hands in resignation after he puts down all his remaining purchases. "And it was raining Kenma! I couldn't just leave him there!" 

"Good on you for saving the cat. But we can't keep him Kuro. We're busy enough as it is and we already have Pie to take care of. We'll get him cleaned up and take him to the vet then find him a good home. Maybe Bokuto and Akaashi will want to take him." Kenma stands up and gives his pants a pat down. He desperately tries not to look at the new cat too long, or he's sure to cave into the request. 

When he looks up, Kuro is right in front of him. "Aww can't we keep him?" Kuro loops an arm around Kenma's waist and touches their noses together. 

Kenma glares. "I know what you're doing. And it's not gonna work Kuro." 

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Kuro says with a smirk. 

"We aren't keeping him." And again, Kenma tells himself that this isn't exactly because he doesn't want to, but that he's trying really hard not to give into temptation, and be the responsible adult in this relationship. 

"We can afford to get another cat though right?" 

"Well, yes we can." 

"And we love cats" 

"We do." He bites his lip at this. Damnnit Kuro. 

"So we should definitely keep this one." 

"No we won't" 

Kenma realizes at this moment that he's a liar. Because he never really could deny Kuro, just like Kuro couldn't very well deny him. And when it's all said and done, and they wake up the next day and watch as their cats are also cuddled together, Kenma can't really complain. 

Their newest addition to the family fits in with them perfectly. Like two pieces of a puzzle and two halves of a whole. 

Just like Kenma and Kuro.

Always together, no longer alone. 

So yes, Of course they keep the cat.

I added a second chapter to my previous KuroKen fic. This one is just pure fluff 🥰

[mamichigo]

Title: picture frame

Pairing: Dazai/Atsushi

Rating: G

Word count: 1,7k

Tags: Fluff, Domestic, Established Relationship, Writer Dazai, Photographer Atsushi

Summary: "Your tired smiles, your warm eyes. I collect all the important parts of you, protected by picture frames."

Notes: This is my gift for @katsuriya! (Katsu ily). Written for @dazatsu-exchange.

*

"Can't you guys just do whatever you want? It's not like I would know anything about organizing events like this. Yeah, I know I signed up for it but— Kunikida-kun, this is torture! You're bullying your author! I'm gonna die of a heart attack… Yes, yes, I'll do it, geez."

Dazai had been on the phone with his editor for the better part of the last two hours. Atsushi watched him pace around the low table of the living room. If it were possible, he would've digged holes with the force of his footsteps alone. After that last sentence, Dazai cycled through a series of empty "uh huh", "yes", "alright", until he finally put the phone down with a sigh.

"Atsushi-kun…" Dazai whined. He slumped, then crouched, then finally lied down with his face to the floor. "This is unbearable."

"Is Kunikida-san being strict as usual?"

"As usual? It's much worse than that!" Dazai slapped the floor weakly. "Just because it's almost New Year, it shouldn't affect my schedule. But I have the deal with the manga department now, and I'm technically the co-author, plus they can't get anything through without my approval. I've been pulled into their holiday season events, it's awful."

Atsushi, feeling sympathy for the clearly overworked author, padded his way and joined Dazai on the floor. He sat down on his knees and patted Dazai's head gently.

"Thank you for your hard work."

Dazai gurgled some sound that Atsushi couldn't decipher the meaning of, and made no further attempt to communicate. Atsushi continued to play with Dazai's hair until he had wallowed long enough to feel ready to roll over and look up at Atsushi. There were clear dark circles under his eyes.

"This is what happens when you actually do your work," Dazai whispered mutinously.

Atsushi laughed and threatened to let his editor know he said that. Dazai, betrayed, pinched Atsushi's thigh. Because Atsushi was a good person and he loved his partner very much, he ignored the sting and leaned down to kiss Dazai's cheek.

"Would you let me do a photoshoot with you?" Atsushi asked.

Dazai lolled his head to nuzzle against Atsushi's knee. He looked up at Atsushi questioningly. "Right now?"

"Only if you want to," Atsushi reassured. "Nothing fancy, you don't even need to change clothes. I think it'd be a nice distraction."

Dazai hummed; Atsushi felt the vibrations up his leg. He squirmed a little.

"If it is your desire, then it is also mine, there's no request I would refuse except for those that cause you harm," Dazai said in a low voice. It sounded like a quote, maybe from something he was working with. Though, it could just as easily be something he came up with on the spot. It was hard to tell, with Dazai.

"You're really too much," Atsushi admonished.

Dazai laughed, tired but carefree. "If you insist, then, in normal terms that's a yes."

"Let me get my camera."

Atsushi got up to do that and changed the lens to one of his best ones. Besides that, Atsushi didn't bother with any other equipment, though the lights and reflectors that seemed to be in Dazai's place more than his own were readily available. These pictures were just for himself, so he would work with whatever lighting there was.

(There was a special allure to Dazai that couldn't be captured quite right in artificial light.)

Dazai was still in the same spot when Atsushi came back, drawing invisible patterns with his index finger and whispering to himself.

Atsushi waited until he stopped to ask, "New idea?"

"A flash of inspiration that might save me from my writer's block in the future."

"That's some powerful inspiration."

Dazai raised his hand to Atsushi, who helped him up by the arm. Dazai rose in a smooth arc, directly into Atsushi's embrace. Atsushi poked him the ribs and pushed him away.

"I can't take your picture with you clinging to me like that."

"Ah, love is such a fickle and cruel thing," Dazai said. Despite his words, he stole a kiss as soon as Atsushi's attention flickered to his camera. "What do you have in mind this time?"

"Something for the New Years sounds fitting."

Atsushi explained what he had imagined, and Dazai, knowing the layout of his own house much better than Atsushi, suggested the locations that would be most fitting for the setting. It was a good thing that Dazai already wore a kimono as his default outfit, with the addition of his most comfortable haori and a fortune charm that he held in his calloused right hand, it made for enough of a nice image to go with the theme. Atsushi held back from saying anything when Dazai held the charm to his lips in an almost kiss, his eyelashes lowered delicately.

Not for the first time, Atsushi was impressed by the sheer size of Dazai's house. Every time they did one of these photoshoots, Atsushi felt the house became warmer; all the corners that were too empty, too sparse were filled with movement. The ghosts lingered less like this.

For the final picture, Atsushi directed Dazai back to the low table. Thankfully, the sliding door facing the garden let in enough light to capture Dazai in the gray hues of winter with his face half illuminated by it. It made for a pretty picture, even if Dazai ruined the atmosphere by biting into a mandarin like he would an apple. Atsushi's eyebrow twitched.

"Atsushi-kun, this isn't even an actual kotatsu," Dazai complained as he flopped down while Atsushi checked the last series of pictures. "This entire photoshoot is a sham."

Atsushi paused to raise his eyebrows at Dazai. He looked pointedly at the low table. "So now you admit it's not a kotatsu?"

"Well, it has the table and the warm blanket over it. It's close enough, right?" Dazai patted the tabletop. "This does the job nicely. Why would I buy a new one just for the heater?"

"You could just buy a heater by itself."

"Irrelevant."

"You're just a cheapskate."

Dazai snorted inelegantly. In this position, lying as he was, his hair fell over his eyes, half obscuring them. Both his arms were held above his head, and the sleeves of his kimono slid down to reveal rolls of bandages; the dip went low enough that Atsushi wondered if he would see a grimplss of naked skin, if he tilted his head just right. As if catching on to his thoughts, Dazai watched him like a hawk, his eyes half-lidded. There was a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Atsushi made a gesture for Dazai not to move, and raised his camera to capture that expression. As he stared at the resulting picture, Atsushi thought that, out of all the other pictures, this was the one he specially wouldn't show to anyone.

"Atsushi-kun, you're getting some sort of impure thought, aren't you?" Dazai teased.

Atsushi coughed lightly. "I'm not."

"You always get this guilty look when you do it, just so you know," he helpfully informed.

Atsushi quickly turned his head. "It's just your impression."

Dazai wormed his way to Atsushi, shuffling about on his elbows. Atsushi finally relaxed from the awkward pose he had forced his legs into to get the frame he'd wished for. As soon as Atsushi let go of the camera, Dazai reached for his hand.

"Hm." Dazai poked each of Atsushi's fingers with his own. "Did that make you feel better?"

Arsushi blinked in confusion. "I'm the one who should be asking you that."

"You really shouldn't!"

"I thought you were doing this to help you forget all the publishing stress?"

Dazai gave him an indulgent smile. He let go of Atsushi's hand to reach for his camera, hanging from Atsushi's neck. Atsushi, even though still confused, lowered his head so Dazai could remove the camera. He set it aside a safe distance away from them, and pulled Atsushi down so they were in pile on the floor. Dazai wrapped an arm around Atsushi's waist.

"You get so focused on others you don't even notice your own stress, do you? It's not the worst coping mechanism, but it does make you quite oblivious your own feelings." Dazai let his words sink in before adding, "It's okay if you're not doing your best."

Atsushi inhaled carefully. Dazai's orange-like scent clung to his lungs. He relaxed onto Dazai's body.

"I dislike winter," Atsushi confessed. "It makes me think of being cold and hungry. I… I feel a lot better when I don't have to think about it."

Dazai tightened his grip. "Alright. Then I'm glad to be a distraction." He paused. "Ohhh, maybe I should start writing poems. My specialty is prose first and foremost, but I'm sure I could pull it off. I'd give you a bunch of lovesick poems, and then you'd be too preoccupied being completely, utterly in love with me."

"I'm already completely, utterly in love with you, Dazai-san."

"Then completely, utterly, ultra in love with me."

"I'm pretty sure you just want an excuse to procrastinate your new manuscript."

Arsushi couldn't see it, but he just knew Dazai was grinning. "Just a little bit. Ah, but I'm serious. You always look at peace when you take pictures of me—does wonder for my ego, by the way—, so I'm glad to be your model when you need it."

"That's because…" Atsushi took a moment to compose his words in a way that would make sense. "Usually you take pictures to feel nostalgic about the past, knowing that moment will never come back. When I take your picture, it's more like proof."

"Proof of what?"

"That I still love you, just like I loved you then. Just like I'll love you tomorrow. I think the stability of it gives me comfort when everything else is hectic."

Silence.

"Dazai-san?"

Atsushi pushed himself to his elbows. Dazai was quietly glaring at him, his face pink. Atsushi was stunned. He tried to reach for his camera, but Dazai gripped both his wrists.

"I can't handle you sometimes," Dazai managed to croak out. "I'm going to make a character who is pretty much you, and pair him with a self-insert, then have a tragic, dramatic love story for them. Don't test me."

Atsushi giggled. "Don't threaten me just because you're shy!"

"Atsushi-kun, I don't have a single shy bone in my body, take that back!"

Atsushi just watched with fondness as Dazai went on a tirade on all the ridiculous antics he would put his characters through. Atsushi chose not to let him know his heartbeat was frantic in his chest.

I love you, it wanted to say. I love you and you're wonderful.

[oikoik]

—study buddy (t.kuroo)

warnings: fem!reader, suggestive content, dom!kuroo (🥵 ammi right ladies), teasing, pretty tame, poorly written, read at your own discretion

word count: 1.6k

a/n: this is lit the very first drabble/thing in general that I have ever written for kuroo and the first suggestive piece I’ve ever done, so please don’t be too harsh in feedback (however I do greatly appreciate constructive criticism)

You rubbed at your eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past hour. The glare of the computer screen plagued the back of your eyes with a strain you knew would ache long after you completed the wretched assignment before you. Despite having a textbook and your notes at your disposal, the onslaught of questions were still laborious to say the least.

Taking a bit of a break, you stood from where you sat on the floor, after having found the chairs in the dining room too uncomfortable, and brought your arms high above your head. You relished in the stretch, the taut muscles of your back seeming to relax ever so slightly. University was no easy task, and with exam season quickly approaching, tension was sure to manifest in both physical and mental forms.

With a sidelong glance, you peer out the set of large windows. A thick strip of the evening sun beamed into the living room. You hummed in appreciation as you stepped into the warm patch, the comfort of such a simple action brought with it contentment.

A faint rustle came from across the room and you turned in time to see the familiarly styled mess of black hair duck in the entryway. The figure glances up after removing a shoe, a bright smiling reaching its way towards you.

"Hey, baby, how was your day?"

Kuroo stands with you in the rays of the slowly dimming sunlight, his arms wrapped loosely around your waist. You lean your forehead against his chest, the urge to hug all of life's frustrations out with him was nearly suffocating, but you were stopped in your tracks.

Pulling away from his grasp, you laugh gently at his slightly dejected reaction of you evading him. "As much as I love you, you smell awful, Kuroo."

A sheepish smiles crosses his features and he rubs the back of his neck with a chuckle, "oh, yeah, sorry. Coach ran us extra hard today." He leans down quickly to peck your cheek before grabbing his bag from the floor and retreating towards the hallway, "I'm gonna hop in the shower."

After he had disappeared, your attention returned to the study materials still sprawled across the coffee table. You inaudibly groaned, the incessant reminder that the assignment was due later that night was no motivator to get it done. Nonetheless, you persisted.

Twenty minutes passed and you were feeling a bit discouraged after seeing that of the sixty assigned questions, you had only made it through eight. An unwanted throb began to form in your temples and you found yourself once again pressing the palms of your hands against your eyes to at least attempt and relieve the dull ache.

"What are you working on?"

"Hm?" You craned your neck up to see Kuroo, freshly clean, standing directly behind your seated figure as he peered at the screen of your laptop. "Psychology. My professor gave the class a ridiculous assignment last minute."

You weren't sure what you were expecting, but it definitely wasn't Kuroo moving to sit with his chest pressed against your back, his arms hung across your midsection. Just as you were about to ask him what he was doing, his chin was resting on your shoulder. You could feel the coolness of his skin against yours, a few droplets of now cold water dripping onto your neck and t-shirt.

"Is it hard?"

"More time consuming than difficult, I suppose. It's just a giant pain in the ass." Another annoyed sigh came from you as you grumbled, "I've been putting it off all day and it's due tonight, so I guess I have no other choice, do I?"

The boy hummed in response, and you assumed he was just extra clingy today considering practice seemed intense. However, your mind nearly blank screened as you felt the ghosting touch of his lips against the skin of your neck, his warm breath fanning over the area. Goosebumps formed along your arms at the sensation and suddenly his close proximity felt overwhelming.

'There's no way I'm this needy after such a simple action, no damn way.' Your thoughts were interrupted when Kuroo's deep voice broke you out of your trance.

"Let me help you."

"Help me?"

You could hear the mischief in his voice as he explained, "I can offer some.. motivation that may encourage you to finish."

"And what would that be?..." In the back of your mind, you knew what he was hinting at, and the disbelief was still present until you felt his face nestle gently into the side of your neck.

Instead of verbally answering you, you felt the hand on your side loosen its grip before dropping to hover just above the apex of your thighs. Blood rushed to your face as you fully realized the antics he had planned. You could tell your cheeks and ears were tinged red with embarrassment. He knew you were easy to rile up, but never did you ever suspect that he would use knowledge in such manner.

"Kuroo… don't tease me." You knew begging would get you nowhere. Once his mind was made up, it took more than a few halfhearted words to get him to give into your pleas.

He ignored you completely, instead opting to read off a question on the screen. "What is the resting potential of a neuron?"

A shaky breath left your partially parted lips when you felt a delicate kiss against your shoulder. You shuddered at his tone as he spoke next to your ear, "Answer the question, baby girl."

You try to focus on keeping your hands steady as you types the answer into the blank space. Once you had finished, you shakily moved onto the next question, the presence of Kuroo pressed tightly against your back slowly driving you insane.

"Good job, baby, you're one question closer to your reward."

"Reward?"

"Mhmm… if you're a good girl and answer all of these questions correctly, I'll reward you for all your hard work. How does that sound?" His lips brushed against the shell of your ear. You swear you could feel your soul leave your body at what he was insinuating. Perhaps it was the promise, or maybe the nicknames and tone he was using to talk to you, but something in his words sent a jolt through your body that made your palms clammy.

You swallowed a moan as he left an attentive kiss to the skin below your ear, eyes closing involuntarily as the warm sensation in your abdomen grew stronger. He smelled so good, his hair and skin were so soft against your skin, and every trace of his fingers and graze of his lips left you breathless. Since when were you so needy after barley even being touched?

You managed to answer several more questions using this method, Kuroo's touches gradually becoming more straightforward after you started a new set of problems. To both your surprise and relief, you noticed there were only five more questions to be answered.

"What is the inability to recall faces called?"

A shudder left your body at the feeling of the tip of his tongue poking out to meet your neck as he placed a kiss there. Subconsciously, you leaned into his body even more, a silent plea for more. Just when you thought he was going to finally give you more than a lingering touch, he brought his lips to your ear, teeth nipping at the lobe. "F-fuck, Kuroo, please."

"What is the answer baby?"

It was a miracle you could even process a remotely stable thought with how Kuroo was occupying every one of your senses. Your arms felt weak trying to type out the answer into the keyboard, but a soft whimper followed as you were bombarded with another series of fleeting presses of his lips to the exposed skin of your neck and jaw, "That's my smart girl."

He granted you no time for repose before calmly moving onto the next one. "What are the six functional networks determined by resting-state fMRI?"

When you failed to make any sign of answering the question, Kuroo tsked from behind you, a stern slap to your thigh disrupting your daze. "Don't tell me my student is starting to slack off."

"Kuroo…" you weakly moaned.

"Keep going, you're not done yet."

You whimper, but begin to slowly type out the answers, biting your bottom lip as you tried your hardest to focus on the task before you and not the undeniable hardness you could feel pressing into your low back.

The last three questions are completed in record time, your restlessness meeting unbearable levels. After swiftly clicking the small blue 'submit' button, you turn in Kuroo's grasp. Now sitting in his lap, you're able to see the effects having to wait were also evident in the blush across his chest and ears.

"Please touch me, Kuroo. Give me my reward."

You sounded pathetic begging for him, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care anymore. Having gone nearly an hour with only fleeting touches, your mind felt hazy and your body craved the attention Kuroo promised you.

Sure enough, Kuroo was set on keeping his word and two large hands gripped at your hips, bringing them down to rub against the evident bulge in his sweatpants. It was pitiful how absolutely needy you had grown.

Kuroo leaned in close so his face was merely centimeters from your own, your lips threatening to touch as he spoke in a hushed groan, "You did so well, baby. I wouldn't expect anything less from my star pupil."

You could see the spark in his eyes as he stared up at you and you knew you were going to be in for a long night.

[barbara-stanwyck-1907-1990]

Barbara Stanwyck (born Ruby Catherine Stevens; July 16, 1907 – January 20, 1990) was an American actress, model and dancer. A stage, film and television star, she was known during her 60-year career as a consummate and versatile professional for her strong, realistic screen presence. A favorite of directors including Cecil B. DeMille, Fritz Lang and Frank Capra, she made 85 films in 38 years before turning to television.

Stanwyck got her start on the stage in the chorus as a Ziegfeld girl in 1923 at age 16 and within a few years was acting in plays. She was then cast in her first lead role in Burlesque (1927), becoming a Broadway star. Soon after that, Stanwyck obtained film roles and got her major break when Frank Capra chose her for his romantic drama Ladies of Leisure (1930), which led to additional lead roles.

In 1937 she had the title role in Stella Dallas and received her first Academy Award nomination for best actress. In 1941 she starred in two successful screwball comedies: Ball of Fire with Gary Cooper, and The Lady Eve with Henry Fonda. She received her second Academy Award nomination for Ball of Fire, and in recent decades The Lady Eve has come to be regarded as a romantic comedy classic with Stanwyck's performance called one of the best in American comedy.

By 1944, Stanwyck had become the highest-paid woman in the United States. She starred alongside Fred MacMurray in the seminal film noir Double Indemnity (1944), playing the smoldering wife who persuades MacMurray's insurance salesman to kill her husband. Described as one of the ultimate portrayals of villainy, it is widely thought that Stanwyck should have won the Academy Award for Best Actress rather than being just nominated. She received another Oscar nomination for her lead performance as an invalid wife overhearing her own murder plot in the thriller film noir, Sorry, Wrong Number (1948). After she moved into television in the 1960s, she won three Emmy Awards – for The Barbara Stanwyck Show (1961), the western series The Big Valley (1966), and miniseries The Thorn Birds (1983).

She received an Honorary Oscar in 1982, the Golden Globe Cecil B. DeMille Award in 1986 and was the recipient of several other honorary lifetime awards. She was ranked as the 11th greatest female star of classic American cinema by the American Film Institute. An orphan at the age of four, and partially raised in foster homes, she always worked; one of her directors, Jacques Tourneur, said of Stanwyck, "She only lives for two things, and both of them are work."

Barbara Stanwyck was born Ruby Catherine Stevens on July 16, 1907, in Brooklyn, New York. She was the fifth – and youngest – child of Catherine Ann (née McPhee) (1870-1911) and Byron E. Stevens (1872-1919), working-class parents. Her father, of English descent, was a native of Lanesville, Massachusetts, and her mother, of Scottish descent, was an immigrant from Sydney, Nova Scotia. When Ruby was four, her mother died of complications from a miscarriage after she was knocked off a moving streetcar by a drunk. Two weeks after the funeral, her father joined a work crew digging the Panama Canal and was never seen again by his family. Ruby and her older brother, Malcolm Byron (later nicknamed "By") Stevens, were raised by their eldest sister Laura Mildred, (later Mildred Smith) (1886–1931), who died of a heart attack at age 45. When Mildred got a job as a showgirl, Ruby and Byron were placed in a series of foster homes (as many as four in a year), from which young Ruby often ran away.

"I knew that after fourteen I'd have to earn my own living, but I was willing to do that ... I've always been a little sorry for pampered people, and of course, they're 'very' sorry for me."

Ruby toured with Mildred during the summers of 1916 and 1917, and practiced her sister's routines backstage. Watching the movies of Pearl White, whom Ruby idolized, also influenced her drive to be a performer. At the age of 14, she dropped out of school, taking a package wrapping job at a Brooklyn department store. Ruby never attended high school, "although early biographical thumbnail sketches had her attending Brooklyn's famous Erasmus Hall High School."

Soon afterward, she took a filing job at the Brooklyn telephone office for $14 a week, which allowed her to become financially independent. She disliked the job; her real goal was to enter show business, even as her sister Mildred discouraged the idea. She then took a job cutting dress patterns for Vogue magazine, but customers complained about her work and she was fired. Ruby's next job was as a typist for the Jerome H. Remick Music Company; work she reportedly enjoyed, however her continuing ambition was in show business, and her sister finally gave up trying to dissuade her.

In 1923, a few months before her 16th birthday, Ruby auditioned for a place in the chorus at the Strand Roof, a nightclub over the Strand Theatre in Times Square. A few months later, she obtained a job as a dancer in the 1922 and 1923 seasons of the Ziegfeld Follies, dancing at the New Amsterdam Theater. "I just wanted to survive and eat and have a nice coat", Stanwyck said. For the next several years, she worked as a chorus girl, performing from midnight to seven a.m. at nightclubs owned by Texas Guinan. She also occasionally served as a dance instructor at a speakeasy for gays and lesbians owned by Guinan. One of her good friends during those years was pianist Oscar Levant, who described her as being "wary of sophisticates and phonies."

Billy LaHiff, who owned a popular pub frequented by showpeople, introduced Ruby in 1926 to impresario Willard Mack. Mack was casting his play The Noose, and LaHiff suggested that the part of the chorus girl be played by a real one. Mack agreed, and after a successful audition gave the part to Ruby. She co-starred with Rex Cherryman and Wilfred Lucas. As initially staged, the play was not a success. In an effort to improve it, Mack decided to expand Ruby's part to include more pathos. The Noose re-opened on October 20, 1926, and became one of the most successful plays of the season, running on Broadway for nine months and 197 performances. At the suggestion of David Belasco, Ruby changed her name to Barbara Stanwyck by combining the first name from the play Barbara Frietchie with the last name of the actress in the play, Jane Stanwyck; both were found on a 1906 theater program.

Stanwyck became a Broadway star soon afterward, when she was cast in her first leading role in Burlesque (1927). She received rave reviews, and it was a huge hit. Film actor Pat O'Brien would later say on a 1960s talk show, "The greatest Broadway show I ever saw was a play in the 1920s called 'Burlesque'." Arthur Hopkins described in his autobiography To a Lonely Boy, how he came to cast Stanwyck:

After some search for the girl, I interviewed a nightclub dancer who had just scored in a small emotional part in a play that did not run [The Noose]. She seemed to have the quality I wanted, a sort of rough poignancy. She at once displayed more sensitive, easily expressed emotion than I had encountered since Pauline Lord. She and Skelly were the perfect team, and they made the play a great success. I had great plans for her, but the Hollywood offers kept coming. There was no competing with them. She became a picture star. She is Barbara Stanwyck.

He also called Stanwyck "The greatest natural actress of our time", noting with sadness, "One of the theater's great potential actresses was embalmed in celluloid."

Around this time, Stanwyck was given a screen test by producer Bob Kane for his upcoming 1927 silent film Broadway Nights. She lost the lead role because she could not cry in the screen test, but was given a minor part as a fan dancer. This was Stanwyck's first film appearance.

While playing in Burlesque, Stanwyck was introduced to her future husband, actor Frank Fay, by Oscar Levant. Stanwyck and Fay were married on August 26, 1928, and soon moved to Hollywood.

Stanwyck's first sound film was The Locked Door (1929), followed by Mexicali Rose, released in the same year. Neither film was successful; nonetheless, Frank Capra chose Stanwyck for his film Ladies of Leisure (1930). Her work in that production established an enduring friendship with the director and led to future roles in his films. Other prominent roles followed, among them as a nurse who saves two little girls from being gradually starved to death by Clark Gable's vicious character in Night Nurse (1931). In Edna Ferber's novel brought to screen by William Wellman, she portrays small town teacher and valiant Midwest farm woman Selena in So Big! (1932). She followed with a performance as an ambitious woman "sleeping" her way to the top from "the wrong side of the tracks" in Baby Face (1933), a controversial pre-Code classic. In The Bitter Tea of General Yen (1933), another controversial pre-Code film by director Capra, Stanwyck portrays an idealistic Christian caught behind the lines of Chinese civil war kidnapped by warlord Nils Asther. A flop at the time, containing "mysterious-East mumbo jumbo", the lavish film is "dark stuff, and its difficult to imagine another actress handling this ... philosophical conversion as fearlessly as Ms. Stanwyck does. She doesn't make heavy weather of it."

In Stella Dallas (1937) she plays the self-sacrificing title character who eventually allows her teenage daughter to live a better life somewhere else. She landed her first Academy Award nomination for Best Actress when she was able to portray her character as vulgar, yet sympathetic as required by the movie. Next, she played Molly Monahan in Union Pacific (1939) with Joel McCrea. Stanwyck was reportedly one of the many actresses considered for the role of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind (1939), although she did not receive a screen test. In Meet John Doe she plays an ambitious newspaperwoman with Gary Cooper (1941).

In Preston Sturges's romantic comedy The Lady Eve (1941), she plays a slinky, sophisticated con-woman who falls for her intended victim, the guileless, wealthy snake-collector and scientist Henry Fonda, she "gives off an erotic charge that would straighten a boa constrictor." Film critic David Thomson described Stanwyck as "giving one of the best American comedy performances", and its reviewed as brilliantly versatile in "her bravura double performance" by The Guardian. The Lady Eve is among the top 100 movies of all time on Time and Entertainment Weekly's lists, and is considered to be both a great comedy and a great romantic film with its placement at #55 on the AFI's 100 Years ...100 Laughs list and #26 on its 100 Years ...100 Passions list.

Next, she was the extremely successful, independent doctor Helen Hunt in You Belong to Me (1941), also with Fonda. Stanwyck then played nightclub performer Sugerpuss O'Shea in the Howard Hawks directed, but Billy Wilder written comedy Ball of Fire (1941). In this update of the Snow White and Seven Dwarfs tale, she gives professor Gary Cooper a better understanding of "modern English" in the performance for which she received an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress.

In Double Indemnity, the seminal film noir thriller directed by Billy Wilder, she plays the sizzling, scheming wife/blonde tramp/"destiny in high heels" who lures an infatuated insurance salesman (Fred MacMurray) into killing her husband. Stanwyck brings out the cruel nature of the "grim, unflinching murderess", marking her as the "most notorious femme" in the film noir genre. Her insolent, self-possessed wife is one of the screen's "definitive studies of villainy - and should (it is widely thought) have won the Oscar for Best Actress", not just been nominated. Double Indemnity is usually considered to be among the top 100 films of all time, though it did not win any of its seven Academy Award nominations. It is the #38 film of all time on the American Film Institute's list, as well as the #24 on its 100 Years ...100 Thrillers list and #84 on its 100 Years ...100 Passions list.

She plays the columnist caught up in white lies and a holiday romance in Christmas in Connecticut (1945). In 1946 she was "liquid nitrogen" as Martha, a manipulative murderess, costarring with Van Heflin and newcomer Kirk Douglas in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers. Stanwyck was also the vulnerable, invalid wife that overhears her own murder being plotted in Sorry, Wrong Number (1948) and the doomed concert pianist in The Other Love (1947). In the latter film's soundtrack, the piano music is actually being performed by Ania Dorfmann, who drilled Stanwyck for three hours a day until the actress was able to synchronize the motion of her arms and hands to match the music's tempo, giving a convincing impression that it is Stanwyck playing the piano.

Pauline Kael, a longtime film critic for The New Yorker, admired the natural appearance of Stanwyck's acting style on screen, noting that she "seems to have an intuitive understanding of the fluid physical movements that work best on camera". In reference to the actress's film work during the early sound era, Kael observed that the "early talkies sentimentality...only emphasizes Stanwyck's remarkable modernism."

Many of her roles involve strong characters, yet Stanwyck was known for her accessibility and kindness to the backstage crew on any film set. She knew the names of their wives and children. Frank Capra said of Stanwyck: "She was destined to be beloved by all directors, actors, crews and extras. In a Hollywood popularity contest, she would win first prize, hands down." While working on 1954s Cattle Queen of Montana on location in Glacier National Park, she did some of her own stunts, including a swim in the icy lake.[49] A consummate professional, when aged 50, she performed a stunt in Forty Guns. Her character had to fall off her horse and, with her foot caught in the stirrup, be dragged by the galloping animal. This was so dangerous that the movie's professional stunt person refused to do it. Her professionalism on film sets led her to be named an Honorary Member of the Hollywood Stuntmen's Hall of Fame.

William Holden and Stanwyck were longtime friends and when Stanwyck and Holden were presenting the Best Sound Oscar for 1977, he paused to pay a special tribute to her for saving his career when Holden was cast in the lead for Golden Boy (1939). After a series of unsteady daily performances, he was about to be fired, but Stanwyck staunchly defended him, successfully standing up to the film producers. Shortly after Holden's death, Stanwyck recalled the moment when receiving her honorary Oscar: "A few years ago, I stood on this stage with William Holden as a presenter. I loved him very much, and I miss him. He always wished that I would get an Oscar. And so, tonight, my golden boy, you got your wish."

As Stanwyck's film career declined during the 1950s, she moved to television. In 1958 she guest-starred in "Trail to Nowhere", an episode of the Western anthology series Dick Powell's Zane Grey Theatre, portraying a wife who pursues, overpowers, and kills the man who murdered her husband. Later, in 1961, her drama series The Barbara Stanwyck Show was not a ratings success, but it earned her an Emmy Award. The show ran for a total of thirty-six episodes. She also guest-starred in this period on other television series, such as The Untouchables with Robert Stack and in four episodes of Wagon Train.

She stepped back into film for the 1964 Elvis Presley film Roustabout, in which she plays a carnival owner.

The western television series, The Big Valley, which was broadcast on ABC from 1965 to 1969, made her one of the most popular actresses on television, winning her another Emmy. She was billed in the series' opening credits as "Miss Barbara Stanwyck" for her role as Victoria, the widowed matriarch of the wealthy Barkley family. In 1965, the plot of her 1940 movie Remember the Night was adapted and used to develop the teleplay for The Big Valley episode "Judgement in Heaven".

In 1983, Stanwyck earned her third Emmy for The Thorn Birds. In 1985 she made three guest appearances in the primetime soap opera Dynasty prior to the launch of its short-lived spin-off series, The Colbys, in which she starred alongside Charlton Heston, Stephanie Beacham and Katharine Ross. Unhappy with the experience, Stanwyck remained with the series for only the first season, and her role as "Constance Colby Patterson" would be her last. It was rumored Earl Hamner Jr., former producer of The Waltons, had initially wanted Stanwyck for the role of Angela Channing in the 1980s soap opera Falcon Crest, and she turned it down, with the role going to her friend, Jane Wyman; when asked Hamner assured Wyman it was a rumor.

Stanwyck's retirement years were active, with charity work outside the limelight. In 1981, she was awakened in the middle of the night, inside her home in the exclusive Trousdale section of Beverly Hills, by an intruder, who first hit her on the head with his flashlight, then forced her into a closet while he robbed her of $40,000 in jewels.

The following year, in 1982, while filming The Thorn Birds, the inhalation of special-effects smoke on the set may have caused her to contract bronchitis, which was compounded by her cigarette habit; she was a smoker from the age of nine until four years before her death.

Stanwyck died on January 20, 1990, aged 82, of congestive heart failure and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) at Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica, California. She had indicated that she wanted no funeral service. In accordance with her wishes, her remains were cremated and the ashes scattered from a helicopter over Lone Pine, California, where she had made some of her western films.

[karazor--el]

Supergirl's Brainy Teases Intense Resolution to His Double Agent Storyline

Supergirl star Jesse Rath teased Brainy's confrontation with Lex, some 'intense' scenes, the return of his sister Meaghan Rath and more.

In the fallout of "Crisis on Infinite Earths," Supergirl's Brainiac-5 has embarked on his most difficult mission yet. On the advice of his female doppelganger, he distanced himself from the Super Friends and aligned himself with Lex Luthor in order to keep an eye on the supervillain's moves against Leviathan. As Season 5 moves into its final two episodes, this will come to a head when Brainy makes a decision that could nullify all the sacrifices he made to protect those he loves.

Speaking to CBR, Brainy actor Jesse Rath previewed what's in store for his character in the last two episodes of the season. He promised his double agent storyline will be resolved by the end of the finale, although some consequences will extend into next season. He teased a confrontation with Lex, some "intense" scenes, the return of his sister Meaghan Rath and more. He also reflected on creating a new voice for uninhibited Brainy, what it is like to work with Jon Cryer and why he'd wear his new comic book-inspired costume all the time if he could.

CBR: This season has been big for Brainy. I mean, his personality got almost an entire overhaul. How did you go about crafting this new voice for him?

Jesse Rath: I thought, for episode 10, it was important that each of the Brainies be distinct from each other. There was five of them, including my sister [Meaghan Rath], and two of them had transformations within that same episode. It was emo Brainy turning into the evil Brainy, and our Brainy Prime turning into the uninhibited Brainy. So I thought it was very important to be able to tell it was a different Brainy and a transformation through their voice. I thought it was very important that you could tell just by hearing that it was a different person. So I wanted there to be a distinct sound that could differentiate them between each other.

So yeah, the green Brainy -- uninhibited Brainy, who they referred to in the script as Suave Brainy -- is just like... I like to think of Family Matters when Steve Urkel takes the potion and becomes cool and he becomes Stefan Urquelle. It was more just uninhibited, more confident in himself and socially grounded. That's kind of what I was going for.

We've also seen a shift in terms of his looks, with a move towards a more comic book-inspired costume. Obviously, you're not wearing that getup all the time, but how has that changed your hair/makeup experience when do you get into it?

The green and blonde look? I mean, I love it. I would wear it all the time, if I could. I'd wear it home. I'm a big fan. It's made my life a lot more comfortable. I don't know if it's easier, but it's comfortable. I no longer have to wear a prosthetic forehead on on my face. That makes a world of difference, because it's very uncomfortable. There's a wire running down my back to turn on the lights and the thing is hot and I'm not very expressive in it and so it becomes hard to emote. You know, it's just a grueling process to put it on and take it off. So the fact that that's not in the mix anymore and that all have to worry about is being painted and get the wig thrown on me, it definitely is more comfortable and it's made my life a lot easier.

And you know what? Even if it was harder to do and more uncomfortable to wear, I'd still do it, because I love that it's the comic-accurate look and I know that it means a lot to a lot of fans out there that I look like this beloved character from the books and it means a lot to me too. I want to do the character justice and I want him to look the best he can. So it was a long time coming and I couldn't be more happy with the results.

Brainy has acted almost like a triple agent all season. Now, with the understanding that the season was cut a bit short due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, is that something we'll see a resolution to when everything wraps up?

Yes. You will. All that stuff comes to a head in these next two episodes. When I heard that we were obviously going to have to cut episode 20 from the schedule, I felt okay about it because episode 19 is such a strong episode. It's a great episode. David Harewood directed it. It's epic, action-packed. The whole storyline with Brainy comes to fruition. It comes to a point, and we leave on a cliffhanger. Whereas with episode 20, before we had time to resolve everything and see how the pieces landed, episode 19 will end on big cliffhanger, which is cool. I love it. It kind of puts Brainy in a very dangerous situation and I'm excited for everyone to see it. I think very strong episode. So I'm not worried about it at all.

How does Brainy's dynamic with Lex Luthor continue to evolve?

I think their patience with each other is wearing thin for both of them. I think Brainy can't really take it anymore. You know, knowing that Lex is actively manipulating him is a very frustrating thing for Brainy. You see in episode 18, he pulls the trigger on a decision and things start to crumble around him. He's aware that Lex is manipulating him and that, I think, is part of the whole reason why he's forced to work with Lex. It's working against all of his instincts that would put him opposite Lex, and so working with him, it's not the easiest thing in the world to do. I think you see, in these next two episodes, how that all unfolds.

You've been working pretty closely with Jon Cryer this season. What has that experience been like?

Well, it's a lot of fun working with Jon. He is a tremendous actor. I learned a lot from working with him, as I do with all my cast mates. It's great. He's a really down-to-earth, funny guy. Yeah, I've had a lot of scenes with Lex and then some more to come. We have a great one -- we have a couple great ones coming up in 18 and in 19, so I'm excited for everyone to see that. I think he does such a great job as Lex. I couldn't imagine anyone else playing that role now. It's so much fun working with him and I can't wait for you to see these next two episodes and see what happens with this whole Lex and Brainy storyline.

I'll admit that I'm particularly fond of the BrainNia relationship. That said, how will we see their relationship continue to grow?

Without 20 in our lineup anymore, there are certain scenes that I don't know if we'll see or if we'll have to wait till next season to see. But in this next episode, in 18, Nia does confront Brainy about everything, about him lying to her, working behind their backs and Supergirl and Nia do confront Brainy about how he's been acting. And in 19, I believe she starts seeing dreams of him. So yeah, there'll be some Brainy and Nia scenes. I don't know if it'll all be sunshine and rainbows, but we do get a lot of Brainy and Nia stuff to come in these next two episodes.

Last year, you had this frankly incredible scene where you ran through a gamut of emotions in about 30 seconds. As the season winds down, will we get to see a spiritual successor to that?

The closest thing I could think to that scene would be episode 10. I think that scene at the end of Season 4 of going through all the different Brainies maybe was like an audition in a sense to show that I could play multiple different versions of the same character. And I think that's what I really got to do in episode 10, which was physically embody all these different versions of Brainy.

But in terms of what's to come in these next two episodes, I'm not saying you should expect a bunch of Brainy cycling through a bunch of personalities, but things get just as intense and emotions are high and the situation is very dangerous. There are some epic scenes to come, and I think you'll be happy with it and I'm very excited for everyone to see. I'm very excited to it see myself!

Can you tease your favorite moment or scene from an upcoming episode?

Well, in 19, my sister comes back to the show. She will return to the show. So I have a handful of scenes with female Brainy, or Meaghan Rath, or whatever you want to call her. So I'm very excited to see those scenes. I always love working with my sister and I'm very grateful for her to come and do the show, so I can't wait to see those scenes.

Martian Manhunter actor David Harewood has directed a few episodes, and now Supergirl herself Melissa Benoist has made her directorial debut on the series. Would you be interested in directing, yourself?

I would! Yeah, I've always wanted to direct. It's something that I think is so cool, that Warner Bros. and The CW, that they allow their actors to direct. It's pretty cool. You know, I don't know any other networks that give us this opportunity and it's definitely something I'd like to take advantage of in the future. I think it's pretty cool. Yeah, I would like to do that. So who knows! Maybe Season 14 I'll be directing some episodes.

You joke, but look at Supernatural!

Exactly! Yeah. Fly in on my private jet and direct a couple. [laughs]

With Melissa directing the last episode, what was that experience like for you?

Oh, it was so cool. We were all so happy for her and proud of her and trying to support her. None of us had any doubt that she would be great. She's always filming and editing stuff on her laptop and she has a great eye for this kind of thing and, as you saw, the episode was amazing. Such a great episode! I love that whole sequence with "The Man Who Sold the World" song over Lex -- that montage of Lex giving speeches around the world. I thought it was a great episode, and I think she is a very talented director. We're all just very happy for her and very proud of her.

Do you have any game/book/TV/film recommendations for everyone stuck at home?

I've been playing a lot of video games. I play Mario Kart with my friends online. We've been doing a lot of Zoom calls and playing Codenames and games with my friends and family online. I watched all of Sopranos with my girlfriend and we really devoured that. We've just been making our way through television series. We watched Community -- for the fourth time, for me. I love that show so much.

I'm really taking this time to just consume a bunch of television and entertainment. It's really kept me going throughout this whole process. My girlfriend Holly and I, we're bunkered down here in LA, and we've been having a great time with each other, and we've been enjoying our quarantine. So we're making the most of it.

Airing Sundays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on The CW, Supergirl stars Melissa Benoist as Kara Danvers, David Harewood as Martian Manhunter and Chyler Leigh as Alex Danvers. The Season 5 finale will air May 17.

CBR.

[waifines]

If "Timeless" were to do a Season 3...

Let me first say that I am grateful for the wrap-up movie. That being said, would I love more Timeless? Of course. But how! Especially considering that the Finale very much smacked of finality.

Well, here it is:

Season 3 open exactly like the Finale, with the two sets of Lucys & Wyatts. Everyone looks around, confused. This is where the Real Consequences of inhabiting the same timeline come in. And suddenly all of the events of the Finale are spinning across the screen, and the excerpt "Rewind" is playing from Hamilton's "Satisfied."

[.gif by @uusnavi-blog]

Their timelines are in flux. Everything that happened did happen, but they keep getting reset to this exact moment, and will continue to do so until the future-selves leave.

And so, while layering on all the emotional stress of the Finale, the Season 3 timeline is course corrected back into the original plot. (Bonus points if only Lucy remembers):

I think it's pretty clear that Future Wyatt & Lucy were originally meant to stick around for a lot longer, as in an episode or two, but that had to be shaved off in respect to time. (And certainly long enough to properly explain how they went back into their own timeline, since that was definitely Impossible in the series, not just Life Threatening). Parts of a pilot came back the last time they tried. Parts.

Jessica is still pregnant. (That baby was clearly also retconned for time in the film).

[But now we'd have the added bonus of Wyatt being torn between Jessica's unborn baby and Lucy and his twins from the Finale timeline that no longer exist.]

The Golden Gate Bridge does get destroyed at some point, as predicted at the end of Season 1.

Flynn and Lucy, though maybe not endgame given the Finale, have a season-long romance, launching off with the Titanic adventure mentioned in the Journal. [This too could be fueled by Lucy's grief at the erasure of her twins and their mutual loss of family, thus still threading the Finale into the new season 3 plot.] (I mean, it is so heartbreaking to see that the writers loved this plotline enough that they wanted to share it with the fans in the Finale, even though they knew they couldn't make it into an episode. They loved it that much.)

Jiya's visions come to play an even larger role, with the Lifeboat taking the team into the past and Jiya taking them into the future.

Following th same thread, what are the visions and why does Harriett Tubman have them too??

Emma is the Season 3 Big Bad, and gets a lot more fleshed out. For one, we learn about what Rittenhouse did to her to make her "prove her loyalty." A complex villein is always better and I've no doubt that's what Timeless would have given us, had there been more time.

And yeah, all the other storylines that had to be cut for the sake of time. I think the Finale did a fantastic job, especially given the time constraints. But the series Timeless almost did too good a job, making these plot threads unforgettable, even as the tapestry of plot is corded off.

But yes, that's how I would relaunch the series, if the possibility arose. That way all of the memories from the Finale remain, but with the freedom to properly flesh out all the plots charted in the first two seasons.