#in other news class 0 is fucking hilarious

[angry-glasses]

I think one of the funniest tropes in the world is when a character does something completely unhinged, arguably very out-of-character, and instead of worrying all their friends are like "well I'm sure they had their reasons! ^-^" while outsiders stare in appalled, sometimes horrified concern

[lostbizkits]

I will never get over the fact that the person who I considered one of my greatest friends actually Did Not In Fact Like Me for at least 4 years and during those 4 years deliberately tried excluding me from every conversation with others about my interests.

If a new anime came out and she wanted to talk about it she would specifically only talk about it when I wasn’t around.

When I started talking about said anime she would immediately lose interest and the cycle would continue

It happened like… 5 times 😭😭 like MHA, AOT, Undertale, Yuri on Ice, Tokyo Ghoul, DRAWING IN GENERAL it’s really funny now that I think about it.

I just straight up did not notice the entire time too my ass was so clueless I couldn’t fathom that she was doing this. I only found out because someone else told me 2 years after it started happening.

I will also never forget about how 3 of my highschool friends, 2 of them I knew for 13 years, got into relationships, didn’t tell me for a whole year, and laughed at me when I got confused when they were talking about how they’d all been “going strong” for a year.

I will never forget being considered weird and strange and childish for my interests esp since I was interested in them for way longer than my peers. That I was weird for liking things like anime and donghua even though I grew up watching anime and donghua (I could never beat the Asian poser allegations even though I was the only Asian ) but then 2017 hit and liking anime was cool all of a sudden and multiple people suddenly forgot they called me abnormal for liking ugly cartoons at my big age and were asking me for recommendations

I remember saying things to people and they would laugh but I’d never understand why it’s funny, to this day I don’t get it. I am very good at this now tho with my college friends so my SHS was probably just full of dry people.

The shit that keeps me up at night is also that all my teachers would tell my parents that I was highly distracted and always fidgeting or daydreaming, and that if I just worked on discipline and motivation I’d be a better student even though I wasn’t doing bad by any means from class 1 to fucking 6th form and no one clocked that I had ADHD is WILD

My mom, who majored in child psychology didn’t clock that I had ADHD for 19 entire years and called me drug seeking when I got my diagnosis and started treatment, because I was nothing like the ADHD kids that she worked with who were all 4.

Also the fact that my childhood was lowkey a giant fluorescent sign of it all and no one clocked it is hilarious. I pulled the straps of my shoes so tight they’d rip because I don’t like the feeling of shoes having air in them, I have dents from it like my feet would not get proper circulation because my shoes were so tight. I cut along the seems of all my school socks because if the seem touched my toe pads I would cry. My favourite thing to do second to playing Mario kart and watching 3 movies on rotation (ponyo, cindarella, Monster High: 13 Wishes) was to stack my collection of kid encyclopedias ( 14 at its peak), read them then put them into another stack. I had more kid encyclopedias but I didn’t like them because they had a different publisher so none of the stuff was in the same layout 0/10

The call was coming from inside the house but everyone had the phone on silent

[splintered-emotions]

I posted 10,596 times in 2022

That's 8,343 more posts than 2021!

51 posts created (0%)

10,545 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/dingdongyouarewrong

@beenovel

@shurisneakers

@merisscatteredbooknook

@blueberryrock

I tagged 3,883 of my posts in 2022

#star wars - 447 posts

#that fanart tho - 395 posts

#marvel - 365 posts

#dsmp - 336 posts

#words - 236 posts

#lotr - 219 posts

#tiktok - 185 posts

#stranger things - 183 posts

#amazing art - 143 posts

#fic rec - 115 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#and the admin wouldn’t fucking switch them out of that class despite the toll it was taking on their mental health free time and other class

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

French Onion, Broccoli Cheddar, and Pho soup :)

French Onion - Who is your favorite author(s)?

there's honestly so many so i'm just gonna name a few:

@jackdaw-kraai with his wonderful Guides

@irndad and the tasm!peter fics

@yellow-feathered-faerie who i really must work on that Mandis fic with eventually

chancecraz on ao3 and their time travel star wars fics

and of course, you

Broccoli Cheddar - What was your inspiration for this wip

this is honestly an odd inspiration but i had an absolutely terrible math teacher last year who used to give the most difficult tests and during winter break, while i was cramming for the 3 tests we had in the three weeks after it, i convinced my mom to rewatch the hobbit with me, and a few days later, at like 1 in the morning, i just started typing up Transported and here we are

Pho - Describe your ideal writing set up

i think i'd have to say like music (probably The Amazing Devil because it makes my brain go brr) playing in the background, my laptop charged and not trying to burst into flames, discord open on the side to share snippets and just talk, and me actually having the time to sit down and write without any interruptions

13 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#4

Hello! If Lotr/The Hobbit requests are open, I hope it's alright that I request one ;-;

Could you please do something about a Reader who was Merry and Pippin's best friend when they were really little kids but they left Middle Earth somehow. But now that they're adults, she gets back to the Shire and now she's a kickass blacksmith who is still really witty and comforting with them and it's a really sweet and wholesome reunion? You can either do Polyamory or Merry x Reader if that's not your thing. I think Merry would be the most likely to get a crush on a human blacksmith reader with big muscles because he strikes me as the kinda guy who'd like Tomboys

I also have this hilarious idea of, since the Reader is human, Pippin finds out that she became an adult at 18 and he's so jealous because she's officially an adult and he's not lmao. Thanks so so much, I hope you're doing well hun! Keep being awesome!!

okay i finally finished it! this may have taken a slightly different route than you were expecting but i hope you like it regardless!

As I looked upon them for the first time in what seemed like a decade, our time spent together in my childhood and their tweens came rushing back, almost flashing before my eyes. The summers spent stealing from Old Farmer Maggot and hanging out at various hobbit parties that I clearly wasn’t invited to were reminiscent of a much different time.

It had been prior to I had been apprenticed to the only blacksmith near Hobbiton and Merry was forced off to visit some relatives or another for months on end, leaving us with no time to see each other, let alone act upon the last things that we said to each other. Although it sometimes seemed like it had been just yesterday when our relationship began to split from the almost something that it had become, but given the new signs of maturity on his face and the burn scars on my hands, it was clear it had been far longer than either of us expected.

Pippin stood next to his cousin, looking between the two of us as we refused to say anything while we took in the differences in each other’s appearance. I had certainly changed far more than Merry, given the fact that blacksmithing required a lot of strength, far more than I had had last time I had seen either of them. The buff female blacksmith had very little similarities to the teenage girl that had never worked a day in her life.

I suppose if I had known how much muscle I would have to build up to truly become good at making even the simple things that hobbits nearby required, I would have thought twice before deciding on this. But now wasn’t the time to rethink the decisions that I had made for my life. Now, I needed to figure out how to begin a conversation with a figure from my not too distant past.

“So,” I said, not entirely thinking through the rest of my sentence just yet. “Have fun with the Tooks?” Oh fuck that was terrible. I was a fool and I would never speak again.

“Yes.” Thank the Valar, he was just as awkward as I was. “And how is your apprenticeship going?”

I could almost see the wince as he finished speaking. We had to break this ridiculous tension somehow. There had to be some way to talk beyond just standing here awkwardly as Pippin looked on. “I kinda finished that a couple summers ago. My master passed on the shop to me once I was done and left to apparently go adventuring. Imagine a 60 year old man going across Arda in search of adventure. Although I suppose with Bilbo, you don’t really have to.”

He seemed more at ease with this topic, immediately replying, “I’m not convinced he truly went. The Mad Baggins was apparently quite tame before he left the Shire.”

“I don’t believe that. That pipeweed smoking hobbit would have jumped at the chance to do it. Although his stories did speak of some hesitation.”

“A Took could never pass up the chance,” interjected Pippin. “I guarantee that any one of our cousins would enjoy it.”

“But Bilbo isn’t a Took. He’s a Baggins. Baggins never do things like that,” stated Merry.

“I thought he was half Took. So there would have been an equal chance of doing it.” I took a breath before saying, “Either way, I assume you didn’t come here to discuss whether or not BIlbo actually bested Smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamities. What did you need?”

The sudden change in topic seemed to lower the energy in the room, but I could see Lobelia Sackville Baggins coming closer so I needed it to look like I was running a “proper establishment” before she decided to enter. This decision wasn’t driven by a sense of urgency, but rather an urge to escape a lecture before she hands me her frying pan to be fixed again after banging on Bilbo’s door again for an hour.

Pippin started, “Oh! I believe that—”

“Frodo asked us to stop by to inquire after a frying pan that was sent to be mended a few days ago. Would you perhaps have it currently ready?” That was oddly stiff in its phrasing. Did he think I was trying to get him out of the shop? Or did he know that Lobelia, the bane of my existence, was approaching?

“I think it’s back here somewhere. Although I think I need another day to fully work on it.” Okay, this was my chance. I could ask. After years of not seeing him, we could finally have a chance at what we had both wanted. “I needed to take a couple days off for my birthday a week ago and the new responsibilities that have been dumped on me have been ridiculous. They don’t tell you that when you legally become an adult, but anyways, I could meet up with you sometime tomorrow to drop it off. If you wanted to do so of course.”

“Sure, but—”

“You’re an adult?” Pippin asked. “But I’m older than you and I’m still a tween.”

“You’d hate being an adult. You have to do taxes and stuff and you can’t just spend the entire day hanging out with friends.”

“Yes, but it’s about the principle of the matter. I am 5 years older than you and yet I’m not even of age.”

“That’s your loss for being born a hobbit. I however can do adult things and buy a pint without my cousin chaperoning me.”

“Regardless,” Merry interjected. “I believe that I shall be free at around noon tomorrow, so would you like to meet under the party tree?”

“Uh, yes of course. I’ll have it done by tomorrow. As long as Lobelia doesn’t have anything new to bring me.”

“Good then. Well I suppose we shall continue this fruitful discussion tomorrow.” At Pippin’s newly open mouth, he continued, “Alone.”

“Yes. Now shoo. She’s coming in and I don’t want to have to pretend like I’m just a blacksmith in front of you too.”

“We will be back!”

See the full post

21 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

#3

i fucking watched the new doctor strange movie and i'm so close to just rambling about the bits of marvel that i hate and the reasons why

24 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

#2

Can I get “that dance, that they did today? it kinda reminded me of when we…” with a pairing of you choice 🥺?

Also makes sure to eat and drink water 🔫

okay so this ended up being a tasm!peter parker x gn!reader fic because i had an Idea so here. also it's kinda implied desi!reader, but it can really be read any way.

also you better do the same 🔫

the link to the dance which i mention is here

Finals were over. My bed was calling my name as I walked back from the horrid chem exam that had caused far too many all-nighteres in an attempt to memorize all of the ions and their charges as well as the formulas that we had learnt only a couple weeks ago.

But now, I could sleep for as long as I wanted until I had to start packing everything. Which was not until tomorrow because the dorms were supposed to be cleared out by next Friday. That left at least 18 hours that I could use to conk out if I wanted to wake up by about 9am tomorrow.

Unfortunately, or perhaps very fortunately, my plan was thrown away as soon as I saw Peter sitting on the stairs in front of the building, playing on his phone. “Did your ethics final finish up early? I thought you were supposed to be out by 4 at the earliest.”

“Kenobi cancelled it. Something about his nephew getting sick.”

“Well that leaves plenty of time for our must watch movie marathon we had planned a couple weeks ago.”

“Wasn’t that supposed to be during packing? So then if it gets far too cheesy, we could distract ourselves with loading up some of the boxes?”

“Yes, but I found out one of the ones I used to watch with my friends recently came back onto Netflix. And because I couldn’t find it literally anywhere else without having to pay an extravagant amount of money for one movie, we’re going to enjoy the experience of this movie without the need for literally anything else. Other than snacks.”

“Of course we would have snacks. Why was that ever in question?”

“With your appetite, it never should be.”

“Hey, you know that’s because of the spider bite.”

“Like you didn’t come over to my house and eat half of my snacks alongside your own when we were in middle school.”

“Well, sixth period P.E. for all three years causes a person to get a bit hungry after school.”

“And that doesn’t explain the time that we went to Build-A-Bear and you told me you wanted to eat a bear.”

“That was something I told you in confidence and something that I didn’t expect you to almost yell in front of your dorm.”

“Everyone deserves to know that you looked at a Gollum plushie and went, ‘That looks like it would be a good snack.’” “Were you like this before your chem final?” he asked. “Because I could have sworn the person I fell asleep next to was not out to kill me.”

“I was a different person then,” I stated while leading him into the building. “I cannot be expected to treat someone who decided to sit out here in 90 degree heat for 3 hours while I took my final nicely.”

He gasped dramatically, playing it up despite the fact that some of my neighbors were coming out to see what havoc we were causing today. “I have helped you study for countless tests and quizzes and even stayed up with you until 4am last night and this is how I am thanked? I shudder to call myself your boyfriend with such poor treatment.”

The Bridgerton marathon shortly before finals kicked into full swing seemed to have done something to him. But honestly, as long as we didn’t get another complaint regarding our arguments prior to the time that we made it upstairs, it would be fine. “And what do you say to the hours that I spent reviewing vocabulary with you for a final you didn’t even take?”

“I thought I had the final until I went to Kenobi’s room and saw the note posted on his door. And when I went to text you, I saw that your final had already started and decided against trying to distract you.”

“Well you should have distracted me anyways. Why wouldn’t I have wanted a text from you? After all, it wasn’t like that final was particularly important, I would have passed the class either way. Plus, you’re far more important than some stupid chem final that is only vaguely relevant to my degree.”

“I’m sure Windu would agree with that assessment.”

“Windu has a stick up his ass. Which I can finally say in front of other people because I’m finally out of that fucking class.” It still hadn’t entirely hit me that the school year was finally over, but the fact that I could hang out with Peter without needing to study or work on a project was beginning to cement it.

“True. I’m not looking forward to when I have to take him next year for organic.” He took a second before continuing, “Are we ever going to unlock your door or are you planning on watching it out here?”

“Right, that. I barely even noticed that we were here.” Which was surprising, however, this could easily be blamed on the sleep deprivation and the Peter’s distracting presence.

See the full post

27 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

so why is my heart broke?

tasm!peter parker x reader

warnings: angst, cursing (as always), and i think that's it

summary: you almost got hurt because of a fight between Spider-Man and the villain of the week. now Peter's trying to stop it from happening again

“I’m breaking up with you.”

“What?”

“I can’t keep putting you in danger like this,” Peter said.

“That doesn’t mean you break up with me, you dumbass.” You took a look at his face before continuing. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Of course, I’m serious. I can’t see you get hurt again and again because I’m Spider-Man.”

“I get hurt once because I was somewhere the fight got to, and somehow this is what it results in? No, Peter, I refuse.”

“You can’t refuse,” he states, albeit with some confusion. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“Peter Motherfucker Parker, I refuse to let you break up with me.”

“I refuse to let you refuse to let me break up with you.”

“I wasn’t even involved in the fight before the villain of the week fucking crashed into the cafe I was picking up coffee from. How could this have resulted from you being Spider-Man? If anyone else was fighting them, the same thing would have happened.”

“Everyone who I have loved while being Spider-Man has been hurt by this, and I refuse to let you be a victim of the Parker curse.”

“I will stay right here beside you to show you that there is no such thing. There is simply the fact that I love you Peter Parker, and I will not leave your side.”

“And it is because of that that I can’t let you stay. I can’t see you get hurt.”

“Well this is hurting me. I’m in love with you and you just want me to leave? I can’t Peter. I can’t see you getting banged up on TV and know that I can’t do anything to help. I can’t leave you.”

“But you should.”

“When has that ever decided what I was going to do? What we were going to do? Fuck what I should do,” I exclaimed.

“I can’t lose you. No matter how much this would hurt both of us, it would never compare to the pain of losing you.”

“And the same applies to you. Do you think I would be okay knowing that you had, that you had died out there, fighting an alien or some shit? I can barely handle the idea of breaking up with you and yet you want me to live knowing that you are out there risking your life every day without anyone on your side? No one there to patch you up when you get hurt? No one who knows what you’re going through every time you show up with bruises and cuts?”

“And what would happen to me if you weren’t there because of me? Because I can’t live without knowing that you were safe. No matter how difficult it is to leave you, there’s no option here where you’re safe. There’s never been one as soon as you chose me.”

“And I’m going to keep choosing you. I am always going to choose you, Peter. Despite all the dangers and slightly insane ideas, I love you.”

That seemed to cause the last remaining bits of fight left in him to dissipate. “I love you too. Despite your stubbornness.”

“Hey, I think that it’s warranted right now. You were about to lose the best thing in your life because you got scared of something that wasn’t your fault. Someone had to do something about it,” You retorted.

“I’m glad someone did.”

108 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳who cursed the bludger? ♡

in which the reader's dominant hand is injured badly after a rogue bludger slams into it and none other than fred weasley is behind it. who cursed the bludger?

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ± 2k

tw: serious injury, a little bit of swearing

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

ft. penny clearwater

who cursed the bludger?

y/n was currently draped lazily over her broomstick, haven given up trying to teach penelope clearwater how to fly. said prefect was on the grass, smirking as y/n embarrassedly looked around.

"penny that's not ok to ask!"

"fine, fine," she pondered for a moment, "hey, what's up with you and fred weasley, huh?"

"nothing at all," y/n answered a little too quick for penny's liking.

"c'mon, y/n, you're younger than me, i should know all that happens. you two are very...flirty."

"yeah well, my dear pennysylvania, we have flirty personalities. duh."

"no, you don't."

"okay, i don't. he does."

"but he seems like he means it."

"of course he means it? he says it in a joking way? y'know, he means it as a joke."

"hmm, nope, i don't think so, y/n. he's looking your way right now."

"i'm probably blocking the space, let's move outta the way."

"you're not gonna play with them?"

"already play in matches, why now? let's chat."

fred was silently eavesdropping on their conversation as he heard his name.

"sooo you and perceeee??" y/n dragged out, grinning as she did loop-do-loops with her broomstick.

penny blushed, but looked disappointed, "he likes oliver."

"oh. well, f percy, what about marcus??"

"he's just marcus. we're best friends, y/n."

"my fav trope of romance is best friends to lovers," y/n wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and penny shook her head in amusement.

"my one is the opposites attract."

"hmm yeah, that's a good one too, it's really cute! say, aren't you and mar-"

"i was meaning you!"

"huh?"

"you and fred."

fred smirked as he listened, flicking back the bludger harshly at angelina.

"oh yes because we are totally meant for each other," y/n sarcastically replied.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"yes."

"you're doing this on purpose!"

"hmm? what?"

"oh my goodness, merlin you're stupid bro!" penny said exasperatedly.

"and you just realised. congrats, penny."

"anyway, what i'm saying is you and fred are rather like opposites. although he's extroverted and you're extroverted, you're a cute little nerd," y/n huffed at this 'i am n o t a nerd for the last time!' "and he's a class clown in the most charming way. you like reading and he likes pranking people and quidditch. you're a goody two shoes, an adorable one, but he's this foolish jock," penny looked proud with her argument so y/n laughed, "you're modest and he's very confident. and you're both hot."

y/n smiled, "i am not hot!" she giggled, "that's stupid."

"oi, ange!" penny called to angelina who looked over at her in amusement.

"yeah?"

"is y/n hot?"

"oh, totally!" angelina casually threw the quaffle into the hoop, "10/10."

"guyyys you flatTer me," y/n stretched out as the three of them laughed, "i'm bLushIng."

"you actually are," angie quipped.

"it's a command thing. if she wants to blush, she'll blush," replied penny.

they burst into giggles again.

fred watched y/n. a rosy pink, sure enough, had spread across her cheeks. that was enough to get her blushing?

"oi, l/n!"

y/n's head snapped his way, her eyes narrowed as if expecting an insult being thrown her way.

"your lips are pretty!"

her form relaxed, "thanks! yours are too!!"

penny giggled as angie rolled around laughing.

"what?" y/n looked around.

"the way you return flirting is hilarious."

"a compliment for a compliment, isn't that what they say?"

angelina snorted, "no one says that."

"oh well i say it, so deal with it."

"hey, i have an idea!" penny brightened up.

"let's hear it!"

"let's teach y/n pick up lines, ange!"

"oh you're a genius, penny!"

"okay, so-"

a bludger came whizzing at y/n as she screamed, trying frantically to dodge it. it hit her hand and a crack was heard.

luckily she immediately hopped off calmly, taking out her wand shakily and stunning the bludger, before penny and angie helped her over to the hospital ward, fred lagging guiltily behind.

she was ordered to stay in bed rest and with drowsy eyes she drifted off.

fred watched her feeling so terrible as he saw her heavily bandaged hand, imagining how he was going to tell her that he was in fact the one that had charmed it.

the next day, she was out and about, gently cradling her hand which was broken.

"um, hey, y/n," he nervously approached her.

"oh, hello!"

"i might have jinxed the bludger to go wild," he confessed abruptly, "i'm really sorry i didn't mean to-"

"no, it's fine, really." she gave him a reassuring smile and walked off.

he noticed that she couldn't write in class. usually she was scribbling away, but she just sat awkwardly at her desk, trying frantically to get anything legible down with her non-dominant hand. the fact she was so courteous and forgiving about everything just made it worse.

by now, y/n was dying inside. she couldn't write notes, and even though she wanted to ask any willing person for a duplicate of their notes, she'd have to explain the whole broken hand thing.

"ange?"

"yep?"

"do you have history of magic notes?" y/n did puppy eyes.

"nope, you forgot i dropped out."

"oh."

"do you want mine?" fred asked, smirking as he looked y/n up and down.

"you take notes?!!!" y/n was shook.

"only for you, 'cause i felt bad."

"you didn't need to!"

"i did. you want them?"

"yes please, thank you so much, you're a lifesaver!!"

"you're acting like you're not the one the bludger hit," angie quipped and y/n frowned, completely forgetting fred was still there, browsing the notes.

"c'mon, it was just an accident. and i've always wanted to be ambidextrous."

"lovely, you were struggling. i'll take all your notes. my handwriting isn't neat but i owe you."

y/n ducked to hide the light blush she could not control at all.

immediately she got a confused look from fred.

and instantly she thought of something that might make the blush go away. he didn't mean it, it slipped out, she thought and she felt her face cooling down, a slight frown appearing on her face.

"o-okay, thanks fred."

"no problems, darling," he flirted.

"that's good, darling," she flirted graciously back, bravely tilting her head up and looking him in the eye.

he took it well.

"where did you learn how to flirt so well, my little love??"

"why, freddie," she joked flirtatiously, "from you of course!"

he coughed and excused himself.

"he should really be careful with who he's flirting mindlessly with," y/n rolled her eyes.

angelina laughed, "flirting mindlessly? do you see the way he looks at you?"

"personality," y/n stated simply.

"or not."

true to his word, notes in fred's flurry of handwriting appeared neatly stacked every day. they were far too thorough and consisted of stupid flirty notes by the side. sometimes a little note, written in class, was jammed in there probably by accident:

hello freddie!

i have a crush on you 0-o, hogsmeade at 7pm on sunday?

-jamie <3, boy who sits in front of you in arithmancy

jamie,

i already have my eye on someone :) not you, sorry, y/n cringed at the bluntness of his words

you are very nice, perhaps try trera rivera if you swing that way? or illinois ann if you swing all ways?

oh i'm so sorry, i didn't know that! i'll talk to both. was the gracious answer

-jamie

and again! the lucky boy! this time from a girl.

weasley-

i know we hate each other but give me a chance to explain myself? broom closet at 9 tomorrow ? it trailed off to something that y/n didn't even want to think about.

k.o

fuck off. i don't fucking like you, i like someone else, ffs.

was the reply as y/n laughed and made sure to give the note back to fred.

it wasn't everyday someone confessed to you, right?

she underlined all the words that simply weren't legible to ask fred about.

and aNOTHER ONE?? how did this boy have so many admirers? y/n had received 0 love letters from any boy, let alone people of the same gender. you knew you were good with the ladies (and the gentlemen) when everyone sent you these letters.

dearest frederick-

it droned quite sweetly on about him and loving him and the writing was really magnificent.

margaret perrer

hi marg

i'm really really sorry. you seem like such a nice person, and it's not you, it's me. i, however, have a friend who really adores you: kenneth. he'll be an amazing friend and maybe more.

i also already am interested in another girl, so it really isn't you. thank you for your beautiful letter, hopefully we can be friends!

fred

oh he was very nice. feeling like she had overstepped the boundaries, she put them aside, discovering more and more but putting them all in a stack. she felt slightly insecure, especially when they all looked relatively neW?? the perfume on the flowers still smelled fresh?? who was this guy?

she sighed, finishing her read through and being thoroughly impressed with the sheer quality of the notes.

but there were around 100 words she had underlined. she skipped down into the great hall where she spotted two gingers. as soon as one (she couldn't see which one) saw her, he got up, whispered to the other something, and left.

when she approached the one that was left behind, she saw it was george.

"hi georgie!" she greeted him and thrust the papers into his hand, "where's fred?"

george shrugs, "left, for a date or something."

"oh, okay, could you translate these for me, the underlined words?" if y/n was disappointed, she didn't show it.

"oh yeah, sure, his handwriting's rubbish, isn't it."

"yes it is, i can barely read half of it."

george finished scribbling words next to the underlined ones.

"oh! and give these back to him? i'm pretty sure he dropped them in, probably got mixed up." she gave him the pile of letters, now neatly bundled in rope she had found.

"oh, yeah sure," george smirked, "of course."

"nice, well that's it, thanks for the help!"

"anything else?"

"tell fred good luck."

"right, right, mhm."

"yea."

once she'd left, george took out his walkie talkie.

"got that, freddie?"

"crystal clear."

"you're pining, pffft, hahahahah," george smirked as fred sighed.

"it didn't even work?"

"which plan?"

"the one to drop the letters in."

"i'm pretty sure she read like two, she didn't seem that disappointed?"

"exactly."

"you're an idiot. just tell her."

"but that's boringggg."

"well drop the hints then, merlin fred you're terrible at this."

"i haven't dated a billion girls like you!"

"then learn how to date my goodness."

"true."

"come fucking back."

"hickies or no?"

"eh go for it. i wanna see her reaction and then we can decide whether she likes you or not."

fred strided handsomely in, neck littered with little hickies and his top had two buttons open, freckles and pale broad shoulders showing.

george rolled his eyes, muttering, "drama queen," as he subtlely watched y/n. she managed not to look so surprised, her eyes widening then looking down quickly at her hands.

he would have thought she felt nothing for his twin if a light pink had not dusted over her face and if angie had not nudged her with a concerned look on her face.

y/n was wondering what the hell happened, disappointment rising slowly in her.

"okay, she's into you," george whispered as fred began removing the spell, leaving the unbuttoned shirt unbuttoned.

"cool beans."

"oh and she gives these back," george smirked.

"oh look at how she bundled it! so adorable georgie!"

"you're disgusting."

y/n hurried to the library at 6pm. she had heard the book she had waited for was finally available.

as she settled down with it, a paper aeroplane hit her.

"ahh!" she screamed as she caught it.

it read:

forbidden forest, 8pm.

huh? was this meant for her? it was in neat handwriting and on the smoothest parchment, with a single flower that smelt like fresh rain.

[kasugas]

Tell me about your yakuza blorbos

OH GOD this is gonna take a while so sorry if this is late (I'm gonna be on mobile tackling this throughout the day)

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

Right now I think it's Ichiban..... Before playing LAD I would have 100% said Majima BC I mean he isn't the fan favourite for no reason but Ichibans character is so strongly written that in just 1 game he's won me over. I care him

However I can assign a blorbo to each game for extra opportunity for me to rant like a madman (I will put it under a read more at the end to save this posts length)

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Ok for a series about grouchy old men this is the funniest question. I think haruka is the only choice here, mainly in 1/2

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

SHINADA. For a guy that was a random protag shoved in at the end of the longest fucking game known to man he really grew on me. I still don't understand baseball though. He's just silly goofy and I hope he's having a good time with his new friends

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Nishida 100%. I would say Date here but I think he's had too much screen time to class as a background character. When nishida left a note or was even mentioned in dead souls I was so eager to read it. A note. He wasn't even in the game. Yuya could also work here but again hes had some decent screentime.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

This is tricky.... I would not ascribe this character all the traits described in this heading but Majima. From Yakuza 5 in particular he's at his peak poor meow meow in 5 he needs to get in the pet carrier.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

Akiyama. Look at his smug little face. Adachi can also fit into here because he's an asshole too but akiyama easily tops this one.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

I fucking forgot his name the scary red suit bitch from 0.. NISHITANI IT TOOK ME LIKE 3 HOURS TO REMEMBER HIS NAME. solely because he fucking terrifies me he is the scariest Yakuza character hands down. also on the topic of 0 i hope Sagawa is in superhell

hiiiii i finally got the keep reading working so a full 12 hours after starting this draft i can finish it ^_^ My blorbo of each respective yakuza game is as follows:

Y0: Majima bc of course. Majima in 0 got me hooked on yakuza as a series and picking up 0 in a winter sale back in 2020 was the best oblivious decision i ever made. I just really like serious Majima and whenever that part of his personality shines through in the later games its just ough ough.

Y1: Haruka #girlboss. she does not behave like a realistic 7 year old but honestly shes just so no-nonsense in this game she is the lead we deserved. Its also really interesting seeing how yakuza 1 doesnt follow Kiryus story as much as it does Harukas, like shes the one looking for Yumi and she kicks off the plot.

Y2: KOYUKI....... i fucking loved the cabaret grand prix in kiwami 2 and both Yuki/Koyuki were hilarious to watch. That minigame could have honestly been a standalone game and i’d buy it the  storyline kept me hooked the entire time mainly bc Koyuki was so fun to be around. Honorable mention to Majima here because his scenes in kiwami 2 are the funniest hes ever been in this series.

Y3: Honestly all the fucking kids in this game could count as a collective blorbo but if i had to choose on specifically it’d be Taichi. He had such a fuckin personality and always stood out from the other kids you go you funky little wrestling fan.

Y4: Now going into this game i was thinking Akiyama was the smug little bastard id obsess over but hes too much of a dickhead in this game. My actual blorbo of Y4 is Saejima. The way they wrote his character is fucking amazing i still love rewatching that scene in the colluseum from him and the reunion with Sasai afterwards. Hes a gruff dude in touch with his emotions and thats the shit i like to see. We dont talk bout that one scene with Haruka though. Erased.

Y5: Now heres where Akiyama really became one of my big faves. Seeing him interact with Haruka and just go around trying to solve crimes was really nice to see. Honestly any time you want me to like a character just have them interact postively with Haruka its foolproof. Akiyama really is a fucking mess but hes so fun to watch ingame as well as his fighting style being by far one of my favourites in this series.

Y6: Ironic that the main character hasnt even gotten a blorbo mention until now. Yakuza 6 really fucking made me appreciate Kiryu, this dense man that we’ve watched go through 30 years of devastating life events and trauma. Not even going to mention the final few scenes of this game i have so much respect for him and im going to move on before i become a sad puddle on the floor for the next 3 hours.

Y7: Well its my current main blorbo. Ichiban. The way they made this man so fucking cheesy but so genuine is baffling. Hes the most endearing character ive encountered in the entire series and its amazing how fuckin quick i was to like him. We’ve had Kiryu as a protag for so fucking long Ichi had some massive shoes to fill but the game handles it so well and ough ough. He needs everyone to be nice to him RIGHT THIS SECOND.

[sanjuno]

You're doing NaNo?! Can you tell us anything about what you'll be doing???

SPOILERS FOR SANJUNO’S NANO 2020 PROJECT

No Evil Abolishing Resentment System

Transmigrator!Madara meets Reincarnator!Tobirama (… 55 times in a row.)

For NaNoWriMo 2020 – How Many AUs Can I Fit In One Fic?

·      0 Tails Interlude

o   Meet Sanzan-han

o   Introduction to System driven Quick-Transmigration isekai plot

o   “The seeds of evil are as follows, to hear of evil and take no action against it, to see evil and take no action against it, to speak of evil and take no action against it.”

o   “To do nothing in the face of evil is not a neutral act.”

o   “The only thing required for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing.”

·      1st World:

o   Crystal Nuclei Zombie Apocalypse with Ability Users and levelling up AU

o   Politician!Madara ended up being shoved into a zombie tide by people who thought he was too strong/disliked him before the apocalypse

o   Scientist!Tobirama really regrets not preventing that when Zombie Emperor Madara breaks through the city walls and kills everyone in Konoha Base

o   Reborn!Tobirama is determined to complete the vaccine he was working on in his first life – also keep Madara alive so he can’t become a super zombie

§  Tobirama would like to say he is surprised by Madara’s competency in zombie annihilation but he remembers how terrifying Zombie King Madara was so he really isn’t shocked that Empowered Human Madara is just as much the living embodiment of Nightmare Fuel

o   Madara as evolved Zombie catnip with a mouthy pet fish

§  Madara is absolutely disgusted by the Z-poc Virus undead they are gross, rotting, and go squelchwhen he hits them.

§  Some zombie bits get stuck in Madara’s hair. He has a screaming tantrum and promptly sets the entire horde on fire.

§  Pro-tip: Career politicians should avoid indulging in a crying fit over getting their precious beautiful hair dirty during a fight if they want to be taken seriously by their military escort even if they areso hilariously OP they can indulge in whiny hysterics and not die horribly as a result

o   The Zombies are Zetsu

o   Oh look Madara’s blood has the key component to creating the zombie vaccine who would have thought

o   There is so much angry sex for stress relief, just… so much

o    

·      1 Tail Interlude

o   Madara is pissed off that he accidently ended up in a relationship with Tobirama

o   Madara wants a refund on this System

o   Sanzan-han explains the fine print of “No Evils Abolishing Resentment System” – the Target must have resentment both towards Madara and from Madara

o   Madara���s first world was intended to lock his target

o   Switching targets will result in a full reset of his karma to level 1 – no cheating by using his previous incarnations accumulated points to get a head start any more

o   Madara’s only other valid targets approaching Tobirama’s stats were Hashirama and Mito

o   Madara could target someone else but without the heavy accumulation of karma like the Senju-Uchiha bloodfeud situation it would take thousands of lifetimes to accrue 10 tails

o   Madara is so mad ^_^

·      2nd World

o   Japanese Classic Fable AU

o   Crane Wife!Madara being Tsundere with his husband

o   Madara is accused of theft and Scholar!Tobirama is convinced to spy on his wife’s weaving

o   Madara gets caught ripping out feathers to weave into silks that are sold to pay for Tobirama’s exams

o   Madara flies away and is shot down by hunters

o   Reborn!Tobirama who is more than a little obsessed with making sure his wife doesn’t have a reason to fly off again

o   Madara doesn’t really understand why Tobirama is trying to prevent him from doing anything productive this is weird

o   Zetsu is a corrupted monk trying to capture Madara for his feathers/demon core

·      3rd World

o   Galactic Empire Mecha Pilots with psychic powers and enhanced bodies versus the Zerg Horde

o   Arranged Marriages for the noble class occur based on genetic advantages rather than affection

o   Ace Pilot/Mecha Engineer!Tobirama pays less than zero attention to his nominal spouse and heir in favour of developing weapons to fight against the Zerg

o   SSS Ace Pilot!Madara resigned to being ignored by spouse, makes friends with in-laws for sheer spite

o   Madara framed for sabotage – dies holding off a Zerg swarm

o   Science child!Kagami killed by kidnappers

o   Reborn!Tobirama pays better attention to his spouse and child while fighting to end the Zerg threat

o   The Zerg are Zetsu

o   Madara rolls his eyes and sets the Zerg Queen (Kaguya) on fire – Tobirama confused and aroused by his spouse

·      2 Tails Interlude

o   Madara wants to know if he’s going to be required to save the world every single time he’s due to earn a new tail

o   Sanzan-han: Sources say “probably”

o   Madara would question the heavy-handed implication that Zetsu was just using him but he’s still super pissed off about being trapped in a cave for 50 years and then possessed by a demon goddess thing so he’s more than willing the blame Zetsu for all the horrible things that happened

·      4th World

o   Japanese Mythical Creature AU

o   Kitsune!Madara saves the life of War General/Prince!Tobirama from Yin poisoning

o   There’s a snowstorm and Madara has to warm Tobirama up

o   Madara is a Calamitous Beauty and killed by cultists who wanted his demon core

o   Reborn!Tobirama is doing his best to take responsibility

o   Zetsu is the cultists who poisoned Tobirama and killed Madara

o   Madara is super pissed off but the shrine and the garden Tobirama builds for him are really nice so maybe he won’t claw the pasty bastard’s face off

·      5th World

o   Super Heroes and Villains in a Megamind AU

o   Pyromaniacal Villain!Madara “Moon Eye” is obviously an alien and the arch nemesis of the city’s most beloved Hero, Treeman

o   Aquatic Hero “Flying Thunder”!Tobirama’s civilian-marine biologist ID keeps getting kidnapped

o   Reborn!Tobirama needs to keep Madara sane and honestly that’s easier than it sounds because Madara gets adorably flustered when given sincere compliments and is hilariously easy to distract with questions about his obviously-also-alien pet fish

o   #I accidently started dating my brother’s arch nemesis #what do I do? #waiting online for answers

o   Sanzan-han is Minion and really likes the exo-suit

o   Zetsu is an evil shadow organization trying to take control of the heroes for world domination reasons

o   Madara has an invisible Susanoo and as ridiculous as this world can be he’s having fun in it

o   “PRESENTATION!”

·      6th World

o   Immortal Cultivators AU

o   Borderline-demonic/Unorthodox Sect Leader!Madara is getting chased around by Righteous Sect Inner Disciple!Tobirama because Madara keeps nabbing all the good secret treasures that Tobirama needs to prevent the demon realm from breaking free and invading

o   Reborn!Tobirama realizes in hindsight that Original Goods!Madara was also trying to prevent the Demon Realm invasion because the Righteous Sects didn’t listen to his initial warnings

o   Tobirama eventually pins Madara down as his Dao companion to get access to the booty loot Madara has collected/protect Madara from being targeted by unscrupulous treasure hunters

o   The demons/demonic spirits are Zetsu

o   Madara is playing whack-a-Zetsu and doesn’t have time for Tobirama’s nonsense

·      3 Tails Interlude

o   Sanzan-han praises Madara for his top-notch seduction skillz

o   Madara is So Done with this stupid godsdamned fish

o   Sanzan-han mentions but doesn’t explain that the accumulation of “affection points” will start having a notable effect on Tobirama soon – so gambatte, Mada-sama!

o   Madara tries to ignore the constant hooking up in favour of plotting new ways to kill Zetsu – seeing as the creature is the only thing he can kill in the Other-Worlds without losing the “ExP” that will allow his return home

·      7th World

o   Geode Betting Modern AU

o   Carver!Madara is a picky spoiled artiste who got blamed for ruining Tobirama’s family

o   Reborn-with-Treasure-Senses Appraiser!Tobirama is determined to “get revenge in advance” on Madara only to realize what a dork Madara is

o   Tobirama frantically backs off on his face-slapping plot only to overcompensate his way into dating a crazy artist

o   #oops

o   Zetsu are the yakuza involved in rigging the Geode betting

o   Madara is confused by the lack of open warfare but thinks this is a nice vacation

·      8th World

o   Greek Monsters AU

o   Gorgon!Madara has the strongest stone-gaze in History

o   Heroic Demigod!Tobirama arrives to take off Madara’s head for prophecy reasons

o   Tobirama’s Quest ends in tragedy – turns out ghosts/guardians of the Underworld don’t turn to stone so Tobirama can’t bring his little brothers out using Madara’s decapitated head

o   Madara is hiding from Reborn!Tobirama because he wants to keep in head on his neck, fuckdammit and accidently interrupts the murder of Kawarama and Itama via even more accidental kidnapping

o   Tobirama just wants to apologize for overreacting to a very ambiguously worded prophecy that he self-fulfilled – Tobirama is really, really very sorry, really – also wtf give him back his baby brothers

o   Zetsu is the Oracle of Kaguya who killed Tobirama’s little brothers and wanted Tobirama/Madara cursed/dead

·      9th World

o   Sentinels and Guides are Known AU

o   SSS Guide!Madara is 100% going to cut a bitch if these special fucking snowflake godsdamned Sentinels don’t piss off and leave him alone

o   6-sense Alpha Sentinel Prime!Tobirama does not want a Guide who will only slow him down with their coddling nature

o   Tobirama rejects Madara/doesn’t acknowledge their nascent connection

o   Reborn!Tobirama wakes up out of a zone – wakes up after pulling the Guide he recognized far too late as his own out of the depths of the bay – and promptly terrifies his entire family by going hyper-focused and borderline feral as he takes off to hunt down his Guide

o   Tobirama’s Guide – his Guide who is still alive – still alive and not drowned

o   Reborn!Tobirama has some lingering trauma to work through btw

o   Madara terrifies so many people when he starts inducing hallucinations as a defense mechanism

o   Zetsu are dark Sentinel cult masquerading as a shady government organization

·      10th World

o   Classic D&D AU

o   Harpy Queen!Madara is being plotted against

o   Necromancer!Tobirama regrets killing Madara and keeping his soul in a jar when he finds out the truth

o   Tobirama let’s Izuna “mete justice” – protip: Uchiha Harpies are actually Furies

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides he quite enjoys being Madara’s concubine

o   Madara lays an egg

o   The Demon Gods trying to break loose and destroy all life get kicked back into the Underworld – insert Zetsu smiting here

o   Hashirama is traumatized by his little brother’s loincloth

·      4 Tails Interlude

o   Madara throws an epic tantrum over the egg-laying thing

o   Sanzan-han doesn’t understand his deal but obligingly flees screaming in terror anyway

·      11th World

o   Imperial Court AU

o   Fire Priest!Madara is given as a “bride” to Imperial Prince Tobirama to remove Tobirama from the line of succession

o   Tobirama considered a “holy child” by the Fire devotees due to his red eyes

o   Tobirama realizes too late that his opinion of his “wife” was manipulated so that he wouldn’t be able to gather his full strength to compete with his enemies

o   Reborn!Tobirama has goals to 1. Be gay, and; 2. Commit Treason

o   Zetsu as the scheming Minister who is actually the bastard child of Empress Dowager Kaguya

o   Madara turns the court upside down and shakes because he’s bored and vindictive

·      12th World

o   Beastmen in Space AU

o   The Tribes are even more stupidly competitive than shinobi Clans but have more space (lol) to spread out so they aren’t at full war with each other

o   Snow Leopard!Madara has a female beast form as most Uchiha males do – Uchiha females tend to have male Beast Forms

o   Uchiha Do Not switch forms in Public/on the Battlefield and also the Uchiha don’t gender the way the other Tribes do

o   White Tiger!Tobirama only discovers this after the Uchiha are destroyed by hostile invasion of Borg-type enemies

o   Zetsu are the Borg knockoffs

o   Reborn!Tobirama starts courting Madara because rowr and peace happens because kittens – yay!

o   Madara uses his carving skills to create power stones that allow High Level Beasts to control themselves

·      13th World

o   Castlevania-esque Vampire AU

o   Vampires and Humans share a world but live in different realities thanks to magic sub-dimensions

o   Vampire Prince!Madara is lazy and hedonistic

o   Vampire Prince!Tobirama is disdainful of Madara’s magpie brain

o   Zetsu is the Religious extremist Vampire cult that realizes that Madara is the key to tearing down the veil and bleeds him dry to shatter the barrier separating the worlds and free the first vampire Kaguya

o   Reborn!Tobirama absolutely refuses to allow the Veil to get torn down again so he gets stupidly “devoted and jealous” over his previously despised betrothed

o   Madara is rather offended that the blood drinking is sexy and also that Tobirama is a tasty snack

·      14th World

o   Merfolk AU

o   Devil Firefish Mer!Madara always knew that the merfolk from the deeper waters would only visit the Volcanic Reef to mate and leave, especially the sharks – but he had still wanted to hope for something more…

o   Great White Mer!Tobirama only ever left the Kelp Forest to guard his more hormone driven kin when the pod headed to shallower waters to spawn and let the fry gather strength in the protection of the cove before heading back home

o   Tangling with the pretty, poisonous leader of the Uchiha pod was a mistake that could be entirely blamed on his brother’s tendency to overindulge in urchin-spines and share his vices with every mer in the vicinity

o   Someone (see: Zetsu) fucks up and pisses off the Ocean

o   Seaquakes and the resulting tsunami’s drive all the mer to the deepest-water cities to wait out the disasters

o   Madara gets eaten by a giant kraken while defending the fry – Tobirama arrives just in time to see Madara and their son get torn in half

o   Reborn!Tobirama courts Madara properly and the Uchiha pod moves into the sea-caves because the coral as too fragile for Tobirama’s peace of mind

o   Zetsu are creepy seaweed/anglerfish things

·      15th World

o   Virtual Reality Game AU

o   Code-writer!Tobirama develops Kenjutsu Mania Online in an attempt to revive his comatose little brothers

o   Overworked Detective!Madara gets suckered into the VR game with his little brothers

o   Crazy Person (Kaguya) traps all the players in a death game – as you do

o   Tobirama gets exposed as a game designer and PK’d

o   Reborn!Tobirama parties with Madara and gets married for the ExP bonus

o   Zetsu are a computer virus AI like Agent Smith

o   Madara uses IRL weapon skills to break the game and his character build before he smashes the Crazy Person open like an overripe melon

o   All the little brothers wake up

·      5 Tails Interlude

o   Sanzan-han is very proud! Mada-sama is halfway there!

o   Madara is throwing a huge fit over giving birth in 2 out of 5 worlds

o   But Mada-sama, the massive amount of affection points!

o   Fuck your affection points!

o   That’s the spirit, Mada-sama!

·      16th World

o   Modern Wizards AU

o   Dragon Keeper!Madara trips over poachers/dark wizards who kidnapped Ancient Runes Master!Tobirama for evil-ritual-sacrifice purposes

o   They accidently end up in a Marriage Bond

o   Tobirama suspects Madara of being a Dark Wizard

o   Madara is framed and executed – only for the real culprit to be exposed a few months later

o   The real culprit is Kaguya and Zetsu natch

o   Tobirama explodes a Time Turner

o   Reborn!Tobirama drags his new spouse Dark Wizard hunting

o   Couple Therapy for dumb Wizards go

·      17th World

o   ID Porn in a Miraculous AU

o   Masked Hero Phoenix is consistently pursued and wooed by his partner in crime fighting, Dragon

o   PoliSci TA!Madara has a raging brain crush on Bio-Chem Doctorate Student!Tobirama

o   An ill-advised insult/rejection causes Phoenix to darken and self-destruct

o   A grief-stricken Dragon “teleports” his mind back in time

o   Madara is so confused by Tobirama and his new stalker tendencies

o   Kaguya is RabbitMoth and Zetsu are the Akuma

·      18th World

o   Really Cheap Silmarillion Knockoff AU

o   Spell-Singer!Madara is driven mad by an Oath that was forced on him by a Messenger done Dark

o   Kaguya as the evil god and Zetsu as her evil Messenger

o   Forger!Tobirama doesn’t pay attention to extenuating circumstances until it’s too late and the bodies are buried

o   The World goes to shit for 3 ages because Tobirama’s shinies are the shiniest

o   Reborn!Tobirama devotes himself to fucking over Zetsu’s evil schemes and making pretty baubles for Madara

o   The fact that Madara’s new hairpin can level a mountain range is incidental and has nothing to do with Tobirama’s paranoia

o   An ancient mystery re. parentage is solved when Madara sings Kagami into being right on schedule – Tobirama is delighted to assist this time

·      19th World

o   Steampunk AU a la FF flavour

o   Enemy Nation!Madara is the Prince/General who goes crazy due to infection from alien viral lifeform

o   HoL Companion!Tobirama as a Prince of the protag Nation who are prophesized to save the world from Calamity

o   World goes to shit

o   Zetsu is the Scourge and Kaguya is Jenova/the Accursed

o   Tobirama is too impatient to wait out the “time-skip”

o   Reborn!Tobirama sneaks into the enemy stronghold – finds pre-infection!Madara imprisoned with tiny clone-child Kagami and steals them both

o   Cue roadtrip shenanigans as both sides try to track them down

o   Madara gets to one-man-army the forces of evil – Tobirama is very impressed

·      20th World

o   Demon Hunter AU

o   Incubus!Madara has a “food allergy” and has been stuck at the physical age of 13 being fed energy by his family members for the last 200 years

o   Functionally Ace Demon Hunter!Tobirama pegs Madara for a sex demon on sight because the lust whammy is legit the most distracting thing to ever happen to him and that incubus looks like a child ew

o   Tobirama sets a trap for Madara and is mean about it because he doesn’t appreciate the second-hand bad-touch feelings – trigger warning: allusions to non-con gangbang

o   Madara kills the “bait” and Tobirama bursts into the room

o   Tobirama sees adult!Madara in the aftermath of the carnage and is horrified to recognize his soulmate

o   Madara proceeds to vomit blood and dies at Tobirama’s feet – the allergy is no joke

o   Tobirama learns about Madara’s “allergy” from revenge rampage Izuna – recognizes that Izuna is Touka’s soulmate and doesn’t fight back

o   Tobirama regrets so hard he magics his soul back in time to the day he first saw Madara

o   The most awkward dating adventure begins

o   Zetsu are the actually evil demons who eat people for real – and not in the fun way Uchiha do

·      21st World

o   Gods AU

o   Ocean Kami!Tobirama realizes too late that he loved Volcano!Kami Madara and was unable to rescue him from the Underworld – that trick never works

o   Reborn!Tobirama starts bringing Madara tributes, averts the Twilight of the Gods via shameless debauchery, and accidently builds a tropical island honeymoon palace to spoil Madara in

o   Zetsu are the evil servants of the “god-eating Titan” Kaguya

·      6 Tails Interlude

o   Lots of Madara screaming about how the Powers That Be are far too fucking obsessed with seeing Madara get railed

o   Sanzan-han goes no-duh, most lifeforms devote about 99% of their spare life energy towards reproductive efforts

o   Madara is very grumpy about being a SSS Class Ninja Nightmare reduced to pillow-book wish-fulfillment fantasy fodder

·      22nd World

o   Noodle Dragon AU

o   Dragon King of the Northern Ocean!Tobirama and Quetzalcoatl!Madara courting shenanigans

o   OTL!Tobirama fucked up and led Hunters (Zetsu) to OTL!Madara’s nest and they stole his heart for black magic doomsday ritual

o   Madara ended up a stone statue curled around the shattered remains of his first egg

o   Reborn!Tobirama is determined to be a properly attentive mate

o   Madara is resigned to laying eggs again

·      23rd World

o   GoT-knockoff Medieval AU

o   Madara gets burned at the stake as a witch, doesn’t die, and then gets torn apart by a terrified mob

o   Northern Lord!Tobirama realizes that he done fucked up and needs Madara to beat the evil ice zombies

o   Reborn!Tobirama starts wooing an extremely cranky pyro-prince while trying to give the Uchiha Crown Prince more positive PR with the peasantry to avoid another riot

o   Zetsu are the Others, Kaguya as the Night Queen

·      24th World

o   ‘Taur AU – Tribal Setting

o   Leopard-Taur!Madara lives high up in the Mountains

o   Tiger-Taur!Tobirama is poisoned and delirious during a fated encounter – he doesn’t learn what happened or who saved him until after both prides are mostly destroyed

o   Reborn!Tobirama manages to avoid delirium induced amnesia and starts stalking Madara with the intent to make love not war

o   Zetsu are corrupted from using radioactive/poisonous Power Stones to boost strength, Kaguya is actually parasite queen

·      25th World

o   Exorcists and Ghosts AU

o   Cursed Ghost!Madara lingers in the courtyard he called home while he was alive

o   Kagami wanders in during the ghost hour and Madara shoves him into a cabinet to protect him

o   Exorcist!Tobirama finds out that Madara was still protecting Kagami from the devil spirits – not haunting him – only after the devils grow stronger and get free after ghost!Madara is destroyed

o   Reborn!Tobirama needs to figure out a way to woo his past incarnation’s very justifiably angry murdered consort before Madara denies Tobirama visitation rights

o   Zetsu are devil spirits who cursed Madara to death, Kaguya wants to consume Kagami for power

·      26th World

o   Midsummer Night’s Dream AU

o   Fairy Prince!Tobirama gets dosed with love potion

o   Meets Dark Forest King!Madara

o   Falls in potion induced love – which gets Tobirama invested enough to forget his previous prejudices and fall in True Love

o   Then Madara dies

o   Reborn!Tobirama is now immune to Love Potions because he is in True Love with Madara – fuck you, cheating bastard traitors to the Fairy Crown

o   Tobirama runs off into the Dark Forest to snag himself a Goblin King (and break Hashirama out of Love Potion induced insanity, natch)

o   Zetsu as the dirtbag fiancée, Kaguya as the dark fairy trying to take over both kingdoms

·      27th World

o   Naga AU

o   Banded Sea Kriat!Tobirama tangles with in-heat Black Hooded Tiger Snake!Madara and doesn’t realize until later that the whole situation was a bloodmage trap

o   Zetsu are the bloodmages

o   Tobirama finds Madara’s still bleeding skinned body a few weeks after they tangle – manages to get Madara’s skin and their still-curing egg back from the hunting team

o   Tobirama tries to save their egg and fails – it was taken from Madara too soon

o   Tobirama hunts down the bloodmage and dies in killing them

o   Reborn!Tobirama gives Madara proper aftercare – notes the bloody wound from the unwanted heat inducing potion – and hauls Madara back to his den for proper nesting

·      28th World

o   Magical Knight AU

o   Storm Knight!Tobirama damages Evil General!Madara’s control seal during the battle of the week

o   Tobirama then runs into amnesiac in civilian ID Madara after the fight and goes on a date

o   Tobirama still end up killing Madara when the brainwashing is reapplied – prolonged death scene reveals that Madara was mind-controlled not committing betrayal

o   Reborn!Tobirama puts significantly more effort into ensuring that the control seal is completely removed from “General Indra”

o   Madara helps defeat the Ancient Evil while wearing leather booty shorts

o   Kaguya as Mettalia, Zetsu as the Youma

·      7 Tails Interlude

o   Forget about the indignity of being Tobirama’s go-to baby incubator – Madara is absolutely flipping his shit over the booty shorts

o   Sanzan-han thought they were quite flattering on you, Mada-sama!

·      29th World

o   Blood Magic AU

o   Demon Lord!Madara gets honeytrapped by Blood Mage!Tobirama and stabbed from behind by Hashirama

o   Tobirama turns Madara’s body into a scrying gem to steal his powers and secrets

o   Snooping through Madara’s memories of their courtship lets Tobirama discover that Madara’s “evil plot” was a baby Kagami now cold in his cradle

o   Reborn!Tobirama is doing everything in his power to keep his family from finding out about Madara because the Senju’s whole “thing” is demon hunting and stealing their magic

o   Kaguya as the creepy Ancestor of the Senju clan who started the demon killing habit, Zetsu as the twisted remains of Senju elders who cursed themselves due to magic addiction

·      30th World

o   Phantom Thief AU

o   Kaito!Tobirama has to watch as his dear Detective!Madara gets gunned down by the Black Organization

o   Reborn!Tobirama first tries to send Madara away for his own safety – has a control freak panic attack when he can’t see Madara

o   Tobirama proceeds to go full disclosure overcompensation trying to keep Madara safe

o   Madara is a Sigh and steals all nine bijuu tama while Tobirama is sorting himself out

o   … Tobirama would like to know when his dear Detective learned to pick locks but before that there is a very serious problem that has arisen in Tobirama’s pants that needs to be dealt with because that was the smoothest heist Tobirama has ever borne witness to holy shit

o   Zetsu as the Black Organization looking for the magic gem Kaguya

·      31st World

o   Transformers AU

o   Decepticon!Madara is Sunspot and Autobot!Tobirama is Whitespace

o   The Great War happens – Kaguya-as-Unicron wakes up and eats most of the planet and population

o   “That’s no moon.”

o   Whitespace yeets his spark back in time and attempts to if not stop then at least delay the start of the Great War

o   Reborn!Whitespace ends up pair-bonding with Sunspot to rob the Decepticons of their Air Commander

o   A 3rd faction forms separate from the High Council versus Violent Terrorist Extremists options

·      32nd World

o   Beauty and the Beast meets Hanahaki Tragedy AU

o   Imprisoned Guest!Tobirama heads home for The Visit and stays away too long – not longer than he promised, but Beast!Madara was days away from suffocation

o   Tobirama comes back to a silent castle and finds Madara on his bed surrounded by blood and the flowers that had burst out from under his skin

o   Reborn!Tobirama is determined to break the curse – Madara is just really tired and in pain

o   What kind of fucking sadist curses a kid with roses growing inside their body – Madara was 13 when this shit started and his body knows it

o   True Loves Kiss ensues (and also Itama and Kawarama beat the shit out of Zetsu for cursing their new brother in law)

·      33rd World

o   ABO ElfQuest-ish AU

o   Alpha!Tobirama thinks he was tricked into marriage hunting Omega!Madara as part of a plot against the Senju Kingdom – everyone knows that you can’t trust Dark Elves

o   Tobirama finds out too late that there are evil forces on the loose that only the Uchiha are aware of – that’s why the Dark Elves are called Dark Elves, because they hunt evil in the dark

o   Madara is caught and left mutilated for Tobirama to come across just as he made up his mind to treat his mate better

o   Reborn!Tobirama misses his cue from the original setup – but he still finds Madara hiding in a waterfall cave because fuck no, no more fucking fucking

o   Spoiler: Madara gets fucked good and hard

o   Tobirama and Madara go demon hunting together

o   Zetsu are the Madkin demons created by Kaguya’s twisted flesh-shaping

·      34th World

o   Wonderland AU

o   Evil Dictatorship ruling family Uchiha Clan are actually held captive by their Palace – it’s a seal keeping a demon asleep and powered by the Uchiha who live inside the castle – the Uchiha don’t actually do much ruling, the Council of Elders is where the majority of the corruption is

o   Revolutionary!Tobirama kidnaps Crown Prince of Hearts!Madara during the siege to “free” Wonderland which lets the demon loose so Tobirama is forced to marry Madara and have kids quick due to being responsible for the plan that killed off 99% of the Uchiha

o   Also people born with red eyes get married to the Uchiha in the Kingdom of Hearts – those with red eyes have hearts that cannot be fooled or controlled (meaning they’re able to see through the demon’s tricks)

o   Reborn!Tobirama has just enough time to alter his plan for the attack on the Palace of Hearts – then he walks in on the turncoat guards who gave the Revolution entry to the Palace making comments about sexually assaulting Madara

o   Tobirama bursts in before Madara can break their skulls and “saves” his future husband

o   Most of the Uchiha survive this time – only the Elders get killed

o   Tobirama marries Madara again and gets to work on revamping the bad laws

o   Zetsu is the Jabberwocky

·      35th World

o   Werewolf Fighting Ring AU

o   Alpha Werewolf!Tobirama was unwillingly mated to Alpha Werewolf!Madara when he was caught and held prisoner by slave traffickers

o   Tobirama rejects Madara once they’re free of the arena but makes sure to “payback” Madara for his “humiliation” first

o   Madara had been given heat drugs the entire time and didn’t remember what Tobirama resented him for

o   Madara ends up dying from mate-loss

o   Tobirama is focused on bringing down the slavery ring and doesn’t know Madara died – until Hashirama sends him a letter about how his mate “didn’t make it through the birth” and asking him to get back for the funeral

o   Tobirama finally slows down – reads the file on Madara he has been ignoring since he found it – and breaks

o   Reborn!Tobirama is focused on treating Madara as a proper mate while also getting revenge on the Slavers

o   Madara is going to rip out so many throats out over being pregnant again

o   Zetsu as the warlocks running the slave rings to feed Kaguya power

·      36th World

o   Star Wars AU

o   By-the-Code Jedi!Tobirama tends to bisect all the “darksiders” he runs into – kills Izuna during a mission

o   Madara does full dark-side rage and Empress Kaguya takes over

o   Zetsu as the Darkside clone army

o   Reborn!Tobirama is a lot less saber-happy and has learned that the Uchiha are not dark – more wild/grey

o   Ends up Force Bonded to Madara to bring Balance

·      8 Tails Interlude

o   Madara has a screaming breakdown to the tune of “why fucking Tobirama?!?!?!”

o   Sanzan-han is like “He resented you the most? Duh? No Evil Abolishing Resentment System?”

o   Madara tries his best to fry the stupid gods-be-damned-twice fish

·      37th World

o   Sex Slave Soulmate AU

o   War-Mage!Tobirama uses borderline-forbidden magic to make Kagami – shatters his soulmate link to do so, which is what makes the magic unpopular but not illegal as nobody is actually “harmed” by the spell

o   Note: Kagami is now the living embodiment of the link

o   Kagami finds Courtesan!Madara in a high-end brothel that is a front for nobles to buy magically bound sex-slaves – this is actually super forbidden magic, btw

o   Tobirama saves Madara and the other enslaved thralls while rescuing Kagami

o   Madara had enough magic to fight against the enchantment and managed to get Kagami out of the brothel – that’s how Tobirama knew where to attack

o   No follow through after the rescue – Madara and the others are left under the enslavement seals

o   Madara ends up assaulted/dead/silenced by the nobles who used to patronize the brothel and slave market

o   Reborn!Tobirama moves faster and has already figured out how to break the enslavement curse – gets to the brothel before Madara manages to get Kagami out again

o   Mexican standoff ensues – Tobirama rescues his soulmate and kid

o   Madara gets freed from the curse

o   Courting ensues when their soulmark repairs when they touch after the curse is broken

o   Kaguya as the evil mage who was using the brothels as a power source, Zetsu as her simulacrum servants

·      38th World

o   Mythos AU

o   Dragon!Tobirama is married to Phoenix!Madara and resents it

o   Madara has bad PR and Tobirama listens to rumours so he ignores Madara as much as he can

o   Civil War erupts – Madara hides Kagami when their Palace is attacked and is a distraction

o   Tobirama finds his spouse ritually violated to steal his “fire”

o   Reborn!Tobirama is a much more enthusiastic spouse and realizes that Madara is a fluffy sap

o   Zetsu as the invading horde of magic thieves

·      39th World

o   Angels AU

o   Angel!Tobirama is “tempted” by Fallen!Madara

o   Tobirama kills Madara and kicks off a new War In Heaven

o   Regret hits when Tobirama finds Kagami’s body after Danzo kills him… in an exact mirror of how Tobirama tricked Madara

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides to “prove” that Madara is “evil” before killing him this time to keep the War from happening again

o   Tobirama gets his nose rubbed in Madara’s ability to love his family

o   Zetsu as actual demons who are trying to kill off both Angels and Fallen

·      40th World

o   Fae Marriage Hunt AU

o   Winter Fae!Tobirama was a petty bastard and resisted his betrothal to the point a Marriage Hunt was the only option

o   Skinchanger!Madara wins the Hunt

o   The peace between the High Court and the Wild Hunt collapses after Madara is killed during a diplomatic meeting

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides to play along/use his “marriage” to make the peace permanent

o   Tobirama gets his misconceptions challenged when Madara rides his cooperative “willing” bride into the ground

o   Kaguya as an evil Fairy Queen with Zetsu as her Greymalkin

·      41st World

o   The Mummy AU

o   Archeologist!Tobirama accidently triggers mummy!Madara’s awakening and the crazy demon cultists take advantage

o   Madara lets Tobirama kill him rather than let the cultists sacrifice Tobirama

o   Tobirama gets an info dump on Madara’s trauma

o   Reborn!Tobirama uses the evil cult to resurrect Madara properly and woos the ancient shogun like a boss

o   Kaguya as even more ancient evil Mummy and Zetsu as obsessed cultists

·      42nd World

o   Labyrinth AU

o   Adventurer!Tobirama keeps meeting a mysterious “king” in his dreams – King of the Labyrinth!Madara keeps a veil over his head and his hands covered by extra-long fluttery sleeves

o   Tobirama has to beat the Labyrinth to rescue his little brothers

o   Paranoid Tobirama gets tricked into betraying Madara by goblin Zetsu – the Labyrinth collapses

o   Tobirama’s little brothers are killed along with all the other kidnapped children – the energy from their deaths and the destruction of the Labyrinth is used to fuel the resurrection of a Demon God Kaguya

o   Tobirama dies taking his revenge after learning the full story

o   Reborn!Tobirama is much more willing to “dance” with Madara now that he knows Madara is as much or more a prisoner than the stolen children

o   Madara was used as a lure – his fingers bound in wire and his eyes sewn shut – but they miscalculated because Madara was still the King and wouldn’t let anyone who can’t complete his Labyrinth reach the children

o   Tobirama completes the Labyrinth… after he frees Madara

o   Yay romantic dance sequences

·      43rd World

o   Four Kings AU

o   Byakko!Tobirama gets trapped in a blood-and-wine seal

o   Suzaku!Madara runs afoul of Tobirama’s enemies, kills them all in a rage, and trips into Tobirama’s trap with him

o   Violent coitus ensues

o   Madara breaks the seal once the trap’s power has been exhausted and runs away

o   Tobirama wakes up with a blank memory as a result of the seal

o   Madara lays an egg – Kagami hatches

o   Zetsu as Minions of the God-Eater Kaguya catch Madara while he’s weak and sacrifice him thinking he still contains the combined essence of Byakko and Suzaku

o   Hey but actually Madara’s power was at a low ebb because he spent it all on Kagami so no resurrections for you, stupid doomsday cult

o   Tobirama rescues Kagami – baby bird begs the tiger to save his mama – is too late

o   Reborn!Tobirama gets to watch his past!self deflower the avatar of Suzaku and oh shit that means Kagami is my son? Tobirama is a scream

o   Time to gather the Four Kings and destroy a Demon Cult! Mito is Seiryuu and Hashirama is Genbu.

·      44th World

o   Warprize Ger AU

o   Imperial Prince!Tobirama is given as a consort to Ger Emperor Madara as part of a Senju plot

o   Tobirama is unaware that his attendants are using him to poison Madara but is super pissed at his father for giving him away as a treaty gift

o   Madara dies birthing Kagami but reveals to Tobirama that he was glad to marry him – Kagami is worth it and Tobirama was the only man to ever give Madara flowers

o   Kagami learns that it was a Senju plot that killed his mother and hates Tobirama for his part in it

o   War erupts between the Uchiha Empire and the Senju Kingdom again and destroys both countries

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides to overturn all his father’s plan and dotes on his Imperial Spouse – so manyflowers are given

o   Madara is an amazing Emperor and newly crowned Emperor Hashirama is super thrilled to have such peaceful relations with his neighbour thanks to Tobirama’s beautiful love story

·      45th World

o   Buddy-cop StarTrek Federation AU

o   Senju-With-Tentacles, Psychic!Uchiha-With-Horns

o   PHEREMONE MARKERS~!!

o   Zetsu are the Borg

o   Kagami is a Tube Baby

·      9 Tails Interlude

o   Madara is freaking the fuck out the last set of worlds were uniquely traumatizing – especially the Labyrinth one

·      46th World

o   Loveless AU

o   Sacrifice!Madara has learned to fight on auto – the first Sacrifice to figure out how to do so, and he doesn’t stop fighting even when his Fighter shows up

o   Fighter!Tobirama never wanted a Sacrifice because he didn’t want them to get hurt and he sees Madara acting as a Fighter so he doesn’t believe that Madara is a Sacrifice

o   The name of their Bond is Devotion

o   Madara gets targeted by a swarm of Dr. Kaguya’s fake-bonded Zetsu

o   Tobirama finds Madara’s body in Kaguya’s lab and uncovers the Bond too late to save his Sacrifice

o   Reborn!Tobirama is hyper overprotective and Madara trounces his Fighter’s ass up and down the street until he feels better about living in a reality with a world-wide virginity fetish

·      47th World

o   Witch Madara and Magical Creature Tobirama

o   Tobirama is cursed into a human form

o   Tricked into thinking that he has to kill Madara/a Witch to get the curse broken?

o   It was all a lie

o   Tobirama twisting the curse to go back in time instead of dying

o   Madara is too gods-be-damned-again tired for this nonsense

o    

·      48th World

o   Stargate AU

o   Head Scientist of the Expedition Tobirama

o   Leader of the surviving “Ancients” Madara

·      49th World

o   Welcome to Nightvale AU

o   Tobirama, the Scientist

o   Madara, the Sherriff of the Secret Police

o    

·      50th World

o   BDSM AU

o   Tobirama IDS as a Switch but he’s service oriented non-dynamic instead

o   Madara thinks toys/scenes are silly – demi-romantic/grey-ace Madara rides again

o   Tobirama has cultural dissonance meeting a “Dom” who likes being the one fucked

·      51st World

o   TRON?

·      52nd World

o   Tyrant CEO/Entertainment Circle

·      53rd World

o   From another world AU

o   Tobirama drops into Fantasy Land from a Modern-ish Naruto World

o   Madara as the Villainous Noble who was “jealous” of Tobirama’s magic power

·      54th World

o   Last Unicorn AU

o   Madara is the Kirin

o   Tobirama as a Wizard who likes Science more

·      55th World

o   Dragon Raja AU

·      10 Tails Interlude

o   Sanzan-han reveals why they were helping Madara – and fade to black

·      Return to the Warring Clans Era

o   Canon is About to Be Diverted

o   Madara is back on the battlefield where Izuna died

o   Promptly summons Sanzan-han to stop this fucking bullshit – Sanzan-han has ascended and become a massive dragon so yeah the battle is definitely over now

o   Tobirama appears to be having a migraine – whoops looks like the arrival of Sanzan-han has started the data-dump of all Tobirama’s System-generated memories into canon!Tobirama

o   Peace and Konoha happen

·      Epilogue/Extras

o   Tobirama has Suspicions regarding his shiny new memories – especially because he remembers seeing that fish. Everywhere. All the time. Stupid fish.

o   Everyone is very confused by how fast Tobirama and Madara get over the war and hook up but yay peace? Also Madara and Tobirama somehow make a baby and everyone is too busy trying to figure out how that works to complain anymore.

o    

·      

[lnabsolutes]

( max riemelt / 37 / he / his ) – ( kasimir janson ) has been spotted in ravenswood. they said to originally be from ( dresden, germany ) and used to work as ( firefighter ). they’ve been in the compound for ( seven months ), working as ( patrol ) to earn their keep and since then, others have seen their ( apathetic ) but seemingly ( resilient ) nature.

name: kasimir janson. age/dob: 37 / mar 17. occupation: patrol, night ( presently ). firefighter ( formerly ). sexuality: heteromantic heterosexual. nationality: german. languages spoken: german, english. hair color: blond. eye color: blue. height: 5′11″. build: athletic - muscular.

born in dresden, germany. kas will be the first to tell you that his life has never been particularly spectacular. though he’ll also tell you that it’s none of your business. the past doesn’t matter anymore, especially since the world ended.

describing him as the class-clown wouldn’t be accurate ---his humor was never so blunt and obnoxious, but his personality didn’t change much after the virus his. his defense mechanism just became more of his dry sarcasm. it made him something of an unknown when he was growing up ---it was hard to tell if he was serious or not in almost every situation.

trained to become a firefighter after he left school. he loved it, actively working until two weeks before the virus outbreak.

he was in the states with his girlfriend, on vacation. they’d planned a trip to sight-see, and were caught in new york at the time of lockdowns. everything went catastrophically poorly in such a large state, specifically in the city. unfortunately his girlfriend did not make it out.

kasimir initially found himself working with a small group of survivors from the city. they planned to make a route into the mountains and hole themselves up there, however the general inexperience of the group as a whole proved to be too large of a deficit. while they did make it toward the appalachian mountains their supplies were dwindling and the density of walkers in the forest was much greater than they had perceived.

kas broke away from the group in the middle of the night, before the infighting really set in. his typically apathetic nature rubbed a few of the survivors the wrong way, he had no desire to die with them or by their hand because he refused to express his grief outwardly.

he only arrived in ravenswood seven months ago, and he keeps his stories of survival between the outbreak and now relatively quiet. while he’s nowhere near the most antisocial person in the compound ( cooper ), he doesn’t quite see the point in sharing stories like that outwardly. after all ---what they were before didn’t matter.

other facts.

prefers the night shift for patrol. he argues he operates better at night.

always has a shit-eating grin plastered to his face, like he knows the deepest secrets of the universe, and you don’t.

very apathetic, outwardly. it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care as a whole, it’s just not your business to see him go through those emotions.

has a heavy german accent. his english is pretty great ( learned in school ) but not perfect.

very dry sarcastic sense of humor. the kind of man that would call a walker “a beaut” or “a great catch” as they broke through the treeline.

has 0 qualms with a violent solution.

is was fucking more resourceful than he appears. but he’ll let you believe he’s just a grinning fool.

finds authority hilarious. but he won’t laugh in authority’s face.

[catsvrsdogscatswin]

Higurashi Gou Liveblog: Episode 7

Starting off on the break-in, good start.

Yes Keiichi its an abandoned building –YES KEIICHI TURNING THE LIGHTS ON WHEN YOU BREAK INTO SOMEONE ELSE’S PLACE IS A BAD IDEA. How did this boy ever get top of his class back in Tokyo. He rolls like a 0 on his perception and wisdom checks, constantly.

Shion, slapping the lights off ten seconds later: Keiichi you absolute moron.

Oh I’m getting INTO this. Much like Takano. Hearing them fill in the details for Hinamizawa and the Higurashi meta stuff as a whole is so much fun. Having etymology explained in the anime is very validating.

I’m just now realizing that Oyashiro-sama’s robe/scarf/fabric thing in this flashback arc curves behind him just like Featherine’s “memory device” which in turn evokes Hanyuu’s horns, and I SUPER don’t like that. Fuck off Featherine. No one wants your manipulative bullshit or the manipulative bullshit of any other witch.

“Violence isn’t the answer to everything,” says Shion, who arguably has the bloodiest kill streak of the entire series.

OHO. Takano calls Oyashiro-sama “kind and benevolent” which is like the absolute opposite of what she thought in all the rest of the arcs. Also the “he was so nice even the demons couldn’t attack him and bowed down before him” is definitely new information.

WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT. In the original series, the legend just says that Oyashiro-sama came down and made peace and gave the demons human form, but in this its framed more like “And Oyashiro-sama the awesome and good came down from heaven and everyone was like ‘Ooh wow you’re too awesome for us’ and then he fixed everything with his incredible power” and what I’m saying is that IF Featherine is here and IF she’s the one tweaking things, that’s basically just her using Takano to stroke her own ego, which is simultaneously annoying and hilarious.

Featherine maybe, taking over Takano’s game piece directly for five minutes: Haha yeah I’m the best god.

Ah here we go. Back to Takano’s usual “Oyashiro-sama is creepy and evil and so very fascinating to study.”

Is Keiichi gonna fucking snap and murder Takano on the spot. If so, good choice! I very much approve.

Aw he doesn’t.

Also its kinda weird that Shion –oh fuck she BROKE SOMETHING! Well I guess we know where the divergence starts for this arc. Murder ho!

Already broken, hmm? Did they change it and have that be the part that was broken instead of the hand that Satoko broke when playing hide and seek?

Anyways its kinda weird that Shion wasn’t hearing weird thumping noises from an angrily stamping Hanyuu as Takano explained all her cult theories. Traditionally that’s where Shion starts to fray at the edges for this arc, and it was also why Tomitake came in –he thought he heard it too. But nothing this time around?

OH AND THEY DON’T ALL LEAVE TOGETHER THIS IS VERY INTERESTING. I’ll eat my shoe if taking pictures was all Takano was doing in there alone.

I appreciate Keiichi very much but if he’s the one to snap this arc I’ll be very disappointed. He’s got the most focus in the last series, it’d be boring.

OHO AND WE GET TO SEE TAKANO AND TOMITAKE AFTERWARDS. Traditionally speaking this is right around where they die. I love how Takano is using her “we’re totally dating” façade to convince Shion and Keiichi to leave her alone with her victim.

“Oyashiro-sama’s curse may befall someone tonight” Shion says as Tomitake and Takano walk off to die.

Oh and they don’t mention the angry hopping at all, this is fascinating.

RIKA JUST FUCKING TACKLES HIM TO THE GROUND I LOVE IT.

Wait. Wait wait wait wait WAIT. Where’s Satoko!? She was never missing normally! What does this mean?!

My Mion/Keiichi heart just imploded even though I know its about to go horribly wrong.

Good to see Keiichi’s still a shit liar.

And Oishi too! Fuck nothing’s happening like it’s supposed to tonight. Oh, okay he’s just squeezing in the “Sonozakis are dangerous” speech earlier than he used to. I get it.

THEIR FAMILY HAS BARBED WIRE FENCES?!

That is a lovely shot of discomfort.

What’s this fresh fuckery –AND ITS STILL JUST MISSING, NOT DEAD! DON’T LIKE THAT!

Okay so they stole a truck together, left both bike and car behind, and zoomed on out of there. Why? Takano’s plan for killing Rika technically hinges on Tomitake dying, even though she actually tries to pay him off/sway him to her side in several arcs. She fails, because he has ethics, but what if in this new stuff she actually managed to fuck his moral compass right out of him?

This conversation is proceeding just like it always does, almost word for word, which makes me think that maybe Shion did turn murder-crazy.

THE CLOCK HAUNTS ME.

Okay, so is this Shion faking to be Mion like usual? Kimiyoshi’s missing like usual, which is usually indicative of her murder-crazy arc. And there’s Satoko! She’s fine too, right? RIGHT?!

And Rika’s skipping right on by plausible deniability. Good for her. Also, usually she’s beat up by Shion faking to be Mion at this point, so is Shion still the instigator? Satoko doesn’t normally pop out during the festival, either. Actually, that’s NEVER happened, and is making me very worried.

OH JESUS RIKA WHAT THE FUCK. NORMALLY YOU JUST TELL HIM ITS OKAY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Also I both do and don’t like that Rika’s eyes start glowing and shit when she starts talking with her adult voice. On one hand, its unsettling and unprecedented in a bad way, but on the other hand, it looks super cool.

[mallahanmoxie]

i know this behaviour is a relic of my hilariously ironically unfinished higher education but i cannot move forward with the kids' sorting until i have finished at the very least the whole novel, if not all the side stories as well. i just need to have the most amount of facts available to be able to rule on this or i fear i'm going to end up awfully misjudging everything (i'm only on volume 9 of 15!!!!!) and inso's law is both too fucking wild and its character arcs too goddamn important to ignore.

so have my preliminary and very very very shallow sortings with brief explanations under the cut instead, i guess

ham dani

primary: ravenclaw

secondary: hufflepuff (most likely)

i think the primary is pretty straightforward. ham dani has a system that she measures all new information against: her knowledge of webnovels and belief she is inside one direct practically all her actions and have a chokehold on most of her thoughts. the nuances of this belief change throughout the story but she is always seen reasoning against this external system and deferring to it in spite of her immediate feelings. as far as secondary, i lean towards hufflepuff because dani's like an interesting people magnet, somewhat unconsciously forming communities wherever she goes, and she works so hard when she wants something. she went to cram school every day after what happened in february still, she studies so hard despite her grades, she toils at her relationships with the others.

eun jiho

primary: gryffindor or ravenclaw

secondary: slytherin

i do think he's an idealist for a primary, i'm just not sure which. i hesitate to say if his expectations/upbringing are the system by which he measures the world (and dani is. always wrecking havoc on this) or if he feels what is right and as he grows this diverges from what he's been taught and thus why his feelings for dani represent such a point of contention. i still don't know. i lean towards gryffindor, though. he's most definitely a sytherin secondary, though. the cold persona was probably taught as well, and likely comfortable, but he doesn't seem uncomfortable by it (unlike jooin, in a way) and his quick switch with dani from sweet to normal when talking in his father's presence when he could have waited is quite slytherin to me. he's mostly in his neutral state with dani tho.

ban yeoryung & yoo chunyoung

primary: slytherin

secondary: gryffindor

lumping them together because they turned out to have the same. originally pinged yeoryung as a true gryffindor, but i think her undying loyalty to dani and dani alone is pretty telling. her morality might rely a lot on her gryffindor secondary, but it doesn't matter what's right as long as dani is okay. i had no idea with chunyoung until i thought of how threatened he is by ruda trying to pull dani from their inner circle and thought it made sense. chunyoung is constantly surrounded and affirmed by his close circle of loved ones so that outlier is both unprecedented and distressing. ban yeoryung is as gryffindor secondary as can be--bold and brash and even violent. chunyoung is a quieter but equally self assured flavour of gryffindor, blunt and unapologetic in his true self, unaccostumed and distrustful of lies and deceit.

woo jooin

primary: burnt gryffindor

secondary: ravenclaw

jooin's past definitely did incredibe damage to his self-image. i figured he'd be more than not a burnt primary and started looking at those. i was torn between hufflepuff (it seemed like he wanted to be more than what he was, but i wasn't sure if that was directed to people in general or just as a way to make up for what he'd done. also suspected he'd left himself out of his concept of 'people' and had restricted his circle to his friends and family only) but his internal struggle ended up feeling more like a gryffindor's guilt over his breached felt moral code and lack of faith in being able to redeem himself or follow a straight path again. i also thought hufflepuff (even slytherin) for the secondary on account of his intermingling but ended up thinking of the people he befriends and his "facade" as skills in his toolkit, legacy of that lady's influence on him. his personal relationships are tools as is every other bit of information he keeps on them, including who knows who and what are they experts in and how he can use them. likewise, his frantic trying to call ham dani and the wall of post its he puts up after she disappears sounded rather in line with that.

kwon eunhyung

primary: hufflepuff? slytherin? he's schroddinger's primary but he is likely burnt.

secondary: hufflepuff

listen, i have no idea what the fuck is going on in eunhyung's head, like, ever. he's the least explored so far to me so everything he does is a surprise in some shape or form. i think he tends towards one of the more steady ones—somehow i can't help jut read his shrewdness as something put upon but im not willing to bet on that. he just seems to hate the mind games of the yoos so much. like with jooin, i think his childhood trauma has burnt his primary to the ground and his secondary has taken the wheel. he's very hufflepuff at a first glance—reliable class president, always taking care of chunyoung and everyone, making sure to keep good relations with the other classrooms etc etc etc. it feels like the hufflepuff that is toiling at relationships knowing their eventual payoff. i know he's the rank 0 fighter (and i'm very curious about that) but i have no idea what that says about him beyond his incessant need not to draw unduly attention towards himself. dunno. i still love him.

[thefloatingstone]

Last time I made a playlist of recommended youtube channels to enjoy while in lockdown or self quarantine, I focused on individual videos while also recommending other videos from the same channel.

I thought I’d make another list only this time I’m going to be recommending playlists or series on youtuber instead of just individual videos.

This is gonna go exactly like last time, so check out any of these that might seem interesting to you, and hopefully I can give you something to look into if you want something to watch but don’t feel like watching a Netflix or Crunchyroll show.

Last time I tried to put this under a read more break but it didn’t work and I ended up posting this long-ass post on everyone’s dash. Well I decided to do so again here. hit J to skip to the bottom of the post if you don’t feel like reading this whole thing. If you’re on tumblr mobile; why?

In no particular order;

Cinemassacre movie reviews and topics

All of you already know James Rolfe as the AVGN. I started watching him before Youtube was even a thing, before he was even signed on with Screwattack. Back when his videos could only be seen on his own website (or for some reason included on the free DVD you got with the local video game magazines). However, I eventually outgrew the outrage style humour of the AVGN episodes... but then James started doing Monster Madness where he would talk about his love for horror movies, and this where I learned about his vast knowledge about movie history and even films I had never even heard mention of before! I think it’s safe to say, he got me to be interested in movie history just as much as movie production and film as a viewing experience.

I recommend this playlist which is a hodgepodge of James talking about old horror movie franchises, talking about his first experience with Power Rangers as someone who didn’t grow up with it, or how Bob Ross is a childhood hero of his. It’s an excellent play list that’s really laid back but you learn a lot of stuff from it. James is very informed for the most part and it leads you to wanting to check out a lot of these things too, just because he’s so passionate about it.

If I ever get over my weird hang up about speaking out loud, these are the kinds of videos I’d like to make.

Vinesauce Vinny: The Neverhood

Vinny is by no means a new Let’s Player, having been on Youtube for over 10 years now, but I only started watching him a few months ago. I started with this playlist when I saw he was doing The Neverhood, a game I had heard about but never seen played before. The Neverhood is a bizarre game, as a point and click PC game from the 90s where the entirety of the video game was made with stop motion and clay. Something that sounds so insane you would say it’s impossible if not for the fact that it exists. The claymation itself is extremely well done, and the game has a really weird and absurd sense of humour. Just the strangest things happen in this thing. Now couple that with Vinny’s very dry and straightforward delivery and you have probably one of the funniest Let’s Plays I’ve watched in a long time.

This is also “short” for a Let’s Play series. With only 4 parts to it, the longest video only being a bit under and hour and 30 minutes. It’ll still take up a good chunk of your time, but it’s not as daunting as some of the other Let’s Plays I’ll mention on this list.

Team Four Star: Pokemon Shield Nuzlocke

Exactly what it says on the tin. The guys from Team Four Star play Pokemon Shield with Nuzlocke rules. They’ve done several Nuzlocke runs in the past, but I find the Pokemon Shield is the best one they’ve done. Especially since a lot of the needless fluff and grinding has been edited out. So unlike some of their previous series you don’t see a lot of Kieran and Grant running in a circle for an hour trying to catch a specific pokemon or trying to get to a certain level.

It’s also hilarious as they have a lot of “house rules” for the Nuzlocke often involving the exercise bike they.... have..... for some reason.

It’s very good and the gym battles become SUPER hype with the Nuzlocke rules and the music.

Baywatching

Having been going to a few years now, watch Allison try her very best to go through and do a video series where she talks about summarises every episode of Baywatch.

.... Ever. Single. Episode.

She’s not even close to done yet (and now she’s introduced Baywatch Nights AS WELL) but her trying to explain the batshit insanity of this show, it’s over the top characters, it’s insane plots and behind the scenes weirdness with all the enthusiasm and love for this slice of 90s is amazing. Please enjoy a good thick chunk of inside jokes, silly character voices, and a whole lot of ?????

Brutal Moose: Shenmue

Probably one of the most chill channels on all of Youtube, Brutal Moose aka Ian, prefers playing games you wouldn’t think would make for good Let’s Plays. And maybe they don’t, objectively. A collection of playlists covering Truck Simulator, Nancy Drew, Hidden Object games etc etc, spliced in with old commercials from drive in theaters from the 50s,60s and 70s. Ian’s Let’s Play channel is great for just putting on and letting play for company while you’re drawing or grinding in a video game or playing Stardew or something.

I recommend his Shenmue playthrough as Ian completely fell in love with the game and went on to play both the sequel and the newly released third game. Ian genuinely adores the weird voice acting and all the menial tasks and mini-games you can do. I watched this a lot in 2018 when I was going through a rough time, and it really helped me in a strange way to just put Ian on and listen to him talk to the chat and drive a forklift around for like 4 hours straight before going to Tomato Mart or wasting all his money on the gacha machines.

A Measured Response to “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″

At some point, big name youtuber Hbomberguy made a video called “In Defense of Dark Souls II”. I’m not subscribed to Hbomberguy but I enjoyed his video on why Sherlock (the BBC show) is trash. (come to think of it I should have added that to the first list). And it seems the video on Sherlock was really good and well argued.... and it seems his “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″ video... was not.

Using subjective language, bad representation of facts, or simply outright getting certain information wrong, Hbomberguy′s video on Dark Souls II is, at best, a man trying to argue that he likes Dark Souls II because it is “Objectively good”, rather than simply accept he likes it... because he likes it.

MauLer is kind of an asshole, but I have learned more about dissecting someone’s argument and deconstructing what they have said watching his response series than I have in any english or debate class I have ever had.

The response is over 10 hours long, but this is because MauLer takes time with each and every statement he takes umbrage with, discussing what is being said, discusses why it is false or dubious, and then compares with actual facts and research.

If you ever want to know how to to distinguish subjective opinion from objective fact in someone else’s argument regarding... ANYTHING really, I highly recommend this series.

I may not like MauLer as a person, but DAMN if he doesn’t know how to deconstruct an argument in a logic, emotionless way.

John Wolfe: Maize

Maize is a stupid game. a Stupid stupid game.

It involves sentient corn, and underground secret genetics lab, a Russian bootleg teddy bear that hates everyone, sentient corn, and a crumpet.

This game IMMEDIATELY went on my wishlist after watching this playthrough. Please watch John try and figure what the actual fuck is going on in this Monty Python-eque weird black comedy. It’s stupid, it’s weird, it’s bizarre and it’s honestly one of the funniest games I’ve seen streamed.

Hollywood: a Celebration of the Silent Era

This is not a youtube playlist. I mean it IS, but what this actually is, is a TV series released in the UK in 1980 covering the Silent Film era. As it was made in 1980, it includes interviews with many of the silent film stars who were often still alive during this documentary’s production. Each episode covers a specific theme of the silent movie era. One episode is about comedies, one is about WWI, one is about Westerns etc etc.

It’s a fascinating series, because it focuses on the silent era which, in modern day, I think many people unfairly think of as “those first few years of movies before movies really became a thing.” And that’s such a shame and really not true. The artistry, camera tricks, and raw nature of this early era of film making is so important and produced films which can still be watched today easily, possibly even easier than a few modern movies as often the very fact that the films are silent means they are universal, regardless of what language you speak.

I think an episode or two might have been turned to private or copyright claimed in this playlist, but I know if you do a search on youtube you can find the episode uploaded by someone else.

Diamanda Hagan: Bonekickers

Bonekickers is the show Mathew Graham made before he went on to work on the new Dr. Who. It is about archaeologists and it is God-fucking-Awful.

It is.... look. Ok. I like Archaeology a lot. But this isn’t a show that’s bad “if you like history” or “if you know things about archaeology”. This show is bad because it doesn’t make a single fucking lick of sense, all the characters are awful and terrible, and even if you understand what’s going on in the story you’re still going to be screaming “WHY????” at the screen as each new baffling stupid piece of the puzzle slots into place.

Diamanda Hagan has 0 time for this garbage and she’s going to walk you through each episode to show you how truly horrible this piece of garbage is.

Cry Plays: Ori and the Blind Forest

With Ori and the Will of the Wisps releasing recently, now is a great time to go and watch Cry playthrough the first Ori game. an absolutely gorgeous piece of work with a beautiful soundtrack and really likeable character designs and a sweet story, Ori is a great game to put on, sit back, and just let it wash over you. Cry’s playthrough is also great because although its a Metroidvania game, Cry fast forwards the parts where he backtracks for a long period of time, so you don’t get stuck watching him run back and forth as he tries to figure out where to go next or anything like that.

Cry also recently started playing the sequel as well!

If you enjoyed this list at all, please consider tipping me for a coffee

☕️ Ko-fi ☕️

[doubletrucks]

more audrey pavlikovsky-decker hcs under the cut bc im just talking to myself

she’s fussy at night and has a hard time sleeping but as soon as boris starts singing the kitten lullaby and rubbing her back she falls asleep

u know the phrase it takes a village? they wrote that about theo and boris bc everyone around them knows that have 0 baby knowledge between the two of them so everyone steps in and tries to help

hobie is the world’s best grandpa he loves audrey to DEATH and is always willing to answer theo’s panicked late night calls. when audrey gets older she loves to sit in the shop and learn from hobie, which he calls airborne genetics from theo

aunt pippa is always good for a walk in the park and babysitting for the night when she’s in town (even tho theo and boris cringe when she calls it their date night)

theo panics and buys like 80 parenting books online and him and boris both skim the same ones and manage to come away with opposite takeaways somehow but all that matters at the end of the day is that audrey is fed and healthy

mrs barbour also loves audrey and she gives theo all of kitsey’s old clothes to dress her up in

boris and theo are both shocked at how instantly they fall in love with her and they have moments where even if they can’t say it they look at each other and theyre just like holy FUCK this is our baby and we would die for her no meme. theo in particular is SUPER anxious for the better part of a year because he can’t fathom losing her after everything that’s happened so he stays up watching her breathe every night for months 

they’re both determined to give her better than what they had.... corny but true

she has soooo many nicknames in several different languages

boris speaks to her a lot in russian and polish but not enough to override the amount of english she hears every day so she knows a lot of specific words and phrases in other languages 

theo is determined to give her his weird idealized new york city childhood so they spend a lot of time in central park and riding the subway and on good days he takes her to museums

they always reference vegas around her and she gets soooo mad when they won’t tell her the specifics until one day when she’s older and visiting they’re having a drink together and they finally tell her about all the shit they did and she’s just like hm. honestly cool but also sort of hypocritical that you guys made me like, go to school and not do drugs as a teenager

she goes to hippie schools bc her dads hate the idea of her being stuck in some boring traditional class

boris is fast friends with a lot of the moms in audrey’s class bc hes wildly charming 

theyre the subject of a lot of speculation on parent teacher days. everyone wants to know if audreys dads are gonna show up so they can try and figure out their like...... Whole Thing 

they have gotten many, many notes home about audrey swearing

she’s a fashion icon from a young age but honestly do you expect anything less from a pavlikovsky-decker

she loves to hear stories about her grandma and theo finds that telling audrey makes it a little easier every time 

even as a little kid she is a MASTER arguer, which they both find hilarious. boris calls her their little lawyer (not that he wants her to go into law bc fuck that)

they spend a lot of time watching movies together-- old favorites of theo and boris’s and theo’s mom, and even occasionally a movie that theo’s dad liked 

audrey is a major drama queen which each of them secretly thinks she got from the other (she knows the truth-- they are a family of dramatic bitches) she fully insists that she’s dying on days when she doesn’t want to go to school

she doesnt really get theo’s whole art thing, but she’s super into poetry and they have a lot of philosophical talks about what it means to love a piece of art 

she grows up super politically active and into communism, and boris is always so proud when she says she’s going out to a protest

eventually she becomes a writer and publishes under the name audrey z.b pavlikovsky-decker and refuses to shorten it 

[five-wow]

here are some thoughts from my (first, somewhat late) watch of 10.15!

we start off with adam intimidating a minion and threatening his life while they’re reburying three bodies. cool. this is totally something he can come back from.

joanna! danny’s mystery woman has a name! i very vaguely caught some annoyance/confusion about her name here on tumblr because apparently somewhere else (outside of the episodes, i assume?) she’d been called something else, if i understood correctly? but seeing as i missed most of that, i’m honestly just glad she has a name now.

also! joanna texting her sister/friend (i don’t really know who she is for sure?) that she met a guy at a bar - thank god, tbh, because last episode it looked like she just randomly had sex with a stranger (which is fine) and then got into his car to let him drive her home (which is not fine, because we may know danny is an okay guy, but she had no earthly way of knowing that).

“it wasn’t your fault. you did everything you could. it means a lot to me that you’re here.” kudos to sister/friend for not falling into the trap of blaming danny and piling onto his guilt subplot!

STEVE is WAITING OUTSIDE when danny leaves the morgue, oh god. that makes total sense and i’m glad for it, but i somehow didn’t expect them to show that.

steve: “you wanna talk about it?” nothing super clever to say here, but it just make me really, really happy every single time steve asks danny if he wants to talk about something (or just pushes him into it, ocassionally) because!! that’s good!! that’s healthy!! that’s a really good friendship, and i’m proud of steve. (on a slightly related note, i’ve been watching a lot of 9-1-1 and reading some fic and while a lot of that fic is really fun, i kind of feel like many of the writers in that fandom give eddie at least double the capability to deal with emotional turmoil in himself or others that he is shown to have in canon. eddie diaz is basically what danny sometimes accuses steve of being, only eddie is actually closed off and struggling with repressing everything he ever feels that much, and steve has by this point had years to learn healthier ways of coping and he is not that person anymore, at all. he knows how to talk about emotions and he does it, too, and the funny thing is that i’m pretty sure he learned a lot of that by making danny talk to him about danny’s emotions, which steve did all the time right from the very start because he cares about danny and wants him to be mentally happy and healthy, and tl;dr, steve and danny’s friendship makes them both happier, more emotionally stable people and that makes me emotional.)

tani teaching a class at the police academy and bonnie (grover’s niece) absolutely acing all her classes and tani and bonnie hanging out and getting lunch together and tani subtly mentoring bonnie IS ALL VERY GOOD.

fdjfkdjkfd oh god. i was so happy with this scene and then suddenly bonnie has a boyfriend and it’s the dude who buried bodies with adam a moment ago. so... is he a bad guy (i hope not, because i’m already a little tired at the idea of another cool female character getting in trouble all the time because she’s dating yakuza and that’s for some reason the most interesting thing the writers could think to do with her), or is he undercover? is adam undercover? are they BOTH undercover but they don’t know it about the other guy so they just keep committing crimes to look like badass criminals when really they’re just both trying to catch the other in a seriously bad crime?

oh god, there’s this whole scene with the academy recruits on the shooting range and tani keeps drilling them on shooting faster (which i have... thoughts about, too, but let’s not get into that) and they make it really explicit that bonnie is the fastest and definitely faster than her boyfriend and this, uh, really looks like foreshadowing for bonnie ending up having to draw her weapon on the boyfriend at some point.

adam to lou: “thanks for the coffee date.” i must say, very unexpected ship they’re pushing now. :p

adam: [starts saying things, possibly making up excuses] lou: “no, no, come on, you don’t have to explain anything to me.” let the man talk, lou!!! if you don’t want to hear it, i do.

ahhhh, lou is keeping adam occupied while steve searches adam’s apartment. things are making more sense now. (though lou does call steve to tell him to wrap things up like a minute after his coffee date with adam started, and also at most a dozen feet away from adam where chances are definitely above zero of adam being able to hear him, fjdkdf.)

steve had “a feeling” about adam. no need to be so jealous, danny.

wait, wait, adam is back on five-0? i... they probably showed or mentioned that in a recent episode, i think, but apparently i’ve really just been turning my brain off during this subplot because i do not remember that at all. (this is why i like bingewatching things, because at least then i have a clearer picture of what happened in the episodes right before, gosh.)

danny: “... but the point is that if i was a human being...” love it. love the subtle implication that danny is not a human being, but in fact an alien from new jersey, which as we all know is in outer space.

bonnie’s boyfriend is not officially bonnie’s boyfriend yet and she thinks he might be seeing someone on the side, and this is sad because as viewers we all know that that someone IS ADAM (and three dead guys). just not like that, though. probably.

bonnie: [tells tani her potential bf has two phones] tani: “hm, okay. this one’s easy: run.” YES. PLEASE DO.

quinn!!! i was starting to wonder if this was one of those mysteriously quinn-less episodes.

oh nooo, bonnie sneaks around potential bf’s house and then STEPS ON A TWIG. c’mon, girl.

fdjkfd the guys catch her and now i remember that this episode description said she was going to get kidnapped and adam would help get her back. this will be... interesting.

quinn’s awkward face while lou is yelling in surprise about bonnie having a boyfriend is absolute gold.

lou yells at tani for not telling him anything about the boyfriend yesterday but honestly, she does not deserve that.

also: all those dramatic shots on adam’s face, oh dear. is the rest of the team seeing that expression he has? are they seeing all these close-ups?

adam threatens his yakuza rival in an effort to help get bonnie back. is this supposed to be redemption for adam? i’m confused.

lou says it’s not tani’s fault and he apologizes! this is an episode of people realizing they shouldn’t put the blame on innocent bystanders (instead of one that attempts to heighten the drama by milking misplaced anger for all that it’s worth) and i like it.

siobhan has been tied up in some shed in the woods and endo (the potential boyfriend) is feeling bad about it but is unwilling to untie her, god. (quick detour, though: i’ve been wondering this since the beginning of the episode, but how is siobhan even at the hpd academy now? i was under the impression during her first appearance this season that she was in her last year of high school, so when did she even graduate?)

i do feel for endo (which i like! it’s cool to see a Bad Guy be not pure evil but believably conflicted), but leaving your almost-girlfriend in a cabin in the woods for your godfather to “take care of it” with a sad look and “i’m really sorry” is not the best of moves, my dude.

tani and quinn: we have good news! hpd intercepted endo and steve and lou are about to question him! adam: [sweats]

endo lies his ass off in interrogation which makes him interesting but also costs him a lot of sympathy points from my end.

lou pretty much assaults endo while he’s cuffed to a chair in the interrogation room. i get why these emotions make for good tv, but uh, hm, maybe five-0 should at some point consider a policy of not letting people who are personally involved in cases near suspects, because this does kind of seem to keep happening.

jfdkfd, adam confronts endo in lock-up, endo taunts him and says adam can’t tell anyone in five-0 what he knows because he’d have to tell them how he knows endo, the team finds out that endo has yakuza ties and go to confront endo about it and he’s gone. omfg, adam, how are you managing to fuck your own life up this effectively in such a short amount of time, after you fought all those years to get away from everything you’re doing now?

siobhan gets herself free!!! and then runs right into guys with guns outside the cabin, of course, because this is tv timing, but still, WELL DONE.

fdjkfdkjfd, adam’s brilliant plan to solve the situation is to call up the rival yakuza boss and threaten to kill his godson out of revenge. this is. this is maybe not a great idea.

adam: “in case you haven’t been paying attention, kenji, i’m not afraid of much these days.” oh adam, buddy, don’t brag about misplacing the entirety of your common sense.

the team is watching adam load endo into the back of a car on tape and it’s honestly kind of hilarious. steve asks danny how he would explain this and that’s hilarious, too, because they’re seeing their (ex-?)friend load a stolen suspect into a car to run off with him, thereby betraying all of them and everything they stand for, and steve is taking this opportunity to turn to danny and go “see, i was right”. fjdkfd.

steve’s gut says adam will come through for them in delivering siobhan, and we all know steve’s gut is secretly psychic, so that’s a spoiler. :p

and it does happen!!! i’m glad to see bonnie back in a safe place.

oh god. adam randomly appears from between the foilage to look serious and share a meaningful nod with steve. is he... is he officially on the other side now? they’re not still going to let him be part of five-0, are they?

domestic steve and danny in the(ir) kitchen!!! steve is giving eddie danny’s breakfast!!! and then there’s something about endo having hacked into hpd’s database, because of course they need to attach some ongoing threat to this, but honestly, who cares about plot when there’s “don’t shame my dog. i’m cooking you eggs, alright?” and danny saying steve doesn’t have to cook him eggs but steve already doing it anyway while danny is once again randomly sitting on the kitchen counter and steve cuts danny off before danny can request his eggs a little burned because steve already knows how danny likes his eggs, obviously, because steve is a stalker when it comes to danny. yes!! this is stuff i like a lot.

danny is saying he could probably get out of steve’s space soon and steve has the excuse of very intently (and yet somehow also very badly, it looks like) scrambling those eggs, but he’s also definitely, 100% avoiding looking at danny in that moment, and then he starts saying how there’s no paint yet and that’s bad and danny should stay. just. just move in together officially, you guys. just do it. nobody would be surprised. you know it would make both of you very happy. this is not even a ship thing, but just, oh my god, these two humans so clearly want to be in each other’s space and they keep coming up with excuses and getting this close to admitting that maybe neither of them wants danny to leave and then yelling at each other about eggs and how it’s not bacon day. it can be bacon day, steve. it could even be pancake day. it could be pancake day every day for the rest of your natural lives if you just told danny you wanted that.

overall, this was a very fun episode! i’m honestly just really happy with this season in general - quinn being added to the team does maybe not look like much progress on the subject of female characters, because she’s just one person, but there have been SO MANY scenes of her and tani together by now and genuinely, their friendship is healing my soul and watering my crops. i’m still not sure what to make of the adam subplot, but if they’re doing what it kind of looks like they’re doing - permanently putting him on the other side of the fence, back with the yakuza - that could actually be somewhat interesting. i’m just really, really scared that even after all of this they’re going to try to give him some kind of redemption arc that just has no chance of making sense anymore after everything that’s happened.

[artificialqueens]

Girls Interrupted, Chapter 1: The Institution: 1, Katya: 0 (Vatya) 1/2 - Maeve

AN: Hi, everyone! I suppose this is my debut as a fan fiction author, and I’m super nervous. I never thought that I would be a writer, myself, but when I suggested a Vatya fic outline, some of you lovely people encouraged me to give it a try. ConCrit is always welcome! I tried my hardest, and I hope you enjoy! EEK!

August air is like a woman in heat: wet, warm, and not in the mood to do favors.

The short walk from her baby blue Beetle to the cafeteria doors left Katya sweating like a hooker in church. “Part-time-clown working a corner in the Red Light District” was a solid look, but Katya was beginning to doubt that it was the right choice for the first day of the new school year. The fabric of her long-sleeved dress clung to her skin uncomfortably.

If the funfetti doesn’t cover my sweat stains, I’m suing, Katya thought.

She tried to smooth down the sheer fabric out of habit. Katya took a deep breath before throwing open the glass door and bracing herself for a head-on collision with nostalgia. White floors, harsh light, kitchen clatter—too much for a Wednesday.

It’s an A/B day. First period: English, room 316. She repeats the mantra again and again in her head. If she loses the thought, she’ll never be able to find her way back.

Pussy, she chastised.

Katya’s bright red combat boots plunk across the linoleum and up three flights of rubber stairs. She might apologize for shattering the silence if anyone else were around, but the English corridor remains silent.

She, In her loud dress and noisy shoes, looked very out of place.

Mother, I’ve breached a sterile environment.

The white walls and white floors seemed to stretch for miles in either direction. Katya had forgotten how sad the white looked without students against it.

Mrs. McPhee’s door, like all the other doors, was an unremarkable brown. Katya stared into it and tried to reconcile the empty canvas with the image of the imp of an english teacher described by the upperclassmen . No dice. Perhaps her friends were exaggerating their hatred for the woman behind the unassuming door. It would be nice to think the best of  people, but she knew she lived in a time when that didn’t happen often. People suck; get with the program.

An eternity later the bell rang and Katya got to her feet before the horde could pull a mufasa on her. The unremarkable door swung open, revealing a short woman with a tight face and copper hair.

This could be trouble, an alarm flashed in her mind.

However, her body did not have time to trigger a fight or flight response. The older woman flashed Katya a bright smile, taking in her first student of the year. Mrs. McPhee enthusiastically extended her hand for Katya to shake.

“Hi there! I’m Mrs. McPhee! It’s so nice to meet you!” She all but chirped.

Katya snapped out of her thoughts and accepted the gesture. “I’m Katya. It’s nice to meet you too,” the teen delivered the customary response before Mrs. McPhee ushered her inside.

“Feel free to sit anywhere! I need to run to the copy room and grab a few things for class today. There’s an ice breaker activity on the tables that you can get started on,” she said before ducking out into the hall.

Someone’s had their morning coffee, Katya quipped, the corners of her mouth turning up in a small smile.

Familiar faces began to fill the chairs at the tables, but Katya had yet to find one she’d spoken more than a sentence to. The presence of her long time crush, Trixie Mattel, in the seat across from her did nothing to quell her growing anxiety, either.

A frantic Mrs. McHale returned with arms full of papers shortly after the end of the passing period. Katya could hear the eyes rolling at the sight of her. Cue the secondhand embarrassment.

Copies of the syllabus made their way around the room. Katya tried desperately not to wince as her English teacher introduced the “phone spa” where phones would live during class.

It wasn’t hard for Katya to become lost in her own thoughts once again.

Is there going to be a project on the summer reading? Is my copy of All the Light We Cannot See—which I’ve annotated the crap out of—going to be of any use to me at all?

The blonde was fucked if they were going to have to do an in-depth analysis of the text. The only thing she could remember about it was that the girl, Marie-Or-Something, was blind. And that only stuck with her because of the cackling fit she had on the floor when her mom asked her why she chose the book. And, of course, it was stupid. It was too hilarious that a book with a title about not being able to see the light had a protagonist who was blind, and thus, literally could not see the light.

The thought brought a smile to Katya’s face even now. It was unlikely that Anthony Doerr intended to make an ironic joke about a blind girl, but Katya liked to believe that humor wasn’t dead. Was it terrible? Yes. But come on, she literally couldn’t see the light. Because she was blind. Katya snorted at the mental picture that formed and immediately covered her mouth. Scanning the room, Katya determined that she hadn’t drawn any attention to herself. That was, until she caught Trixie Mattel’s unimpressed gaze.

Go figure, Katya scowled, I bet she thinks I’m keeping squirrels in the space between my ears. The teen could feel her cheeks flush beet red in embarrassment. She darted her eyes down to the syllabus, suddenly finding classroom procedures intriguing.

Fuck! Shit. She thinks I’m a freak, and she’s going to tell all her friends. Everyone will stare. You’re an embarrassment, a fool a—

Lady luck chose the opportune time to smile down on Katya, for it was an A/B day, and that meant classes were much shorter. The shrill bell sounded over the loudspeaker and silenced her pleas to be wished out of existence.

Katya’s second period was library aide. It was the perfect opportunity for her to get ahead on homework when she wasn’t needed. However, she knew full well that she’d spend the hour and a half people watching and reading obscure works.

The library was empty this morning and she cou;d take a moment to compose herself. Mrs. Slay, the librarian, gave her a brief runthrough of her duties and explained library procedures. Afterwards, she released Katya to her own devices.

Katya had never actually spent much time in the school’s library. The harsh, fluorescent lighting did nothing to make the room look cozier. Dozens of tall wooden shelves framed large areas along with some extra shorter shelves of books.

Katya trailed her fingers along dusty spines, hoping that a title would catch her eye.

Her third period class, theater, was on the first floor. A lot of people found it weird that a self-identifying technician was still involved in normal theater classes. Katya began her career on the stage, though. Her stage fright and lack of singing and dancing abilities were not about to stop her from growing as a performer. She promised herself that she’d audition for the play this year.

Ginger was waiting for Katya in their usual seats when she entered the black box. The blonde smiled at her best friend, taking a moment to look over the other faces in the space before joining her long-time companion.

Unfortunately, another year had not flushed out the riff-raff. Katya scowled, new year, same bullshit. The blonde shared a knowing glance with Ginger.

Rolaskatox—the inseparable trio of  Roxy, Alaska, and Detox—remained front and center. Sharon and Jinkx camped out in the back, and Tammy sat awkwardly on her own with Raja and Manila nearby. Pearl and Trixie gossiped to their left.

After Ms. P, the theater teacher for juniors and seniors, passed out the syllabus, they gathered in a circle. Playing stale warm-up games never failed to put the majority of the class in a pissy mood. It was no secret that half of the room hated the other half of the room; times when they were all forced to work together were toxic.

The second activity Ms. P had put on the agenda for that morning was not any better: duet scenes. The oblivious woman thought it would be a fantastic idea to assign partners at random for the scenes. Katya’s heart jumped in her throat when their teacher called Alaska Honard’s name along with hers.

Alaska had long, silky golden hair, soft pink lips, and big doe eyes. She was easily the tallest girl in their grade (and quite possibly in their school). She had legs for days, and they looked stunning under that short green cheer skirt in Katya’s opinion. And most of the student body’s opinion. Alaska might have been the nicest girl on the cheer squad, but Katya was sure that this encounter could still be fatal.

Katya hesitantly approached Alaska, who had yet to stop chatting with Roxy and Detox, and cleared her throat.

“Um, Alaska, I have our scene…If you want to go work on it…” Katya trailed off, digging the toe of her boot into the black floor.

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at her. She could feel the eye roll and once over from tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Instead, she focused on the tight smile the blonde in the middle gave her. Alaska nodded and followed her out of the black box.

The two girls made their way to the anti-lobby in without a word. Neither of them knew how to break the silence between them.

It was Katya who bit the bullet “Look, Alaska, I know you’re not thrilled about being my partner. But I care about the work I do in this class, and I know you do too. So can we just—”

“I’m sorry about them,” Alaska cuts her off. The confusion and shock is visible on Katya’s face, and Alaska feels the need to further elaborate. “Rotox…they’re rotted cunts sometimes. I think you’re a great actress, and I’m actually pretty glad to be working with you,” Alaska confessed . She ducked her head, and a long, golden lock fell into her eyes. Katya had to clutch the fabric at her thighs in order to resist the urge to brush it behind the taller girl’s ear.

“Okay then,” Katya breathed a sigh of relief, “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Katya could not believe the success she’d had on her scene with Alaska in theater. Maybe cheerleaders—well, certain cheerleaders—weren’t so bad after all. Katya was feeling optimistic as she made her way back up to the third floor for biology.

Are all biology classrooms supposed to reek of formaldehyde? Katya wrinkled her nose in disgust. There were tables made up of four desks clustered in front of the whiteboard at the front of the room. The back half of the room contained lab tables and equipment. Katya figured they would not be spending the majority of their time in there. Again, not wanting to draw attention to herself, she slipped into an empty desk near the back of the room. Their teacher, Mrs. Yates, shuffled around marking students present—to save time, Katya supposed. She finished moments before the tardy bell rang, and the students quieted as she took her place at the front of the room.

Mrs. Yates opened her mouth when the door slammed open. The culprit was captain of the cheer team, Violet Chachki, or what Katya swears, must be the devil in high heels. Satan made eye contact with a startled Mrs. Yates and lazily flashed her a small slip of paper. Hot pink: Coach Calhoun’s signature color.

“You must be Violet Chachki!” The friendly woman greeted. “Why don’t you take a seat next to Katya in the back?”

The gentle instruction wasn’t an option for Violet. The only empty seats left were at Katya’s table. Katya felt as though Mrs. Yates had just declared it open season on quirky blondes with questionable fashion sense. Dread pooled in her stomach; she was too young to die.

Similarly, Violet visibly recoiled at the idea of sitting next to some theater clown. Violet’s withering gaze focused on Katya, but she was certain it wasn’t her that the fuming brunette was plotting to crucify. Katya pitied whichever of her bimbo cheerleader friends forgot to save her a seat.

Violet chose the desk across from Katya. The blonde didn’t resist the opportunity to take a magnifying glass to the untouchable girl, herself.

Violet chachki was stunning. If looks could kill, the school would be a cemetery by now. She was a dark horse, a vixen, a black widow, the kind of beautiful that hurts you if you get too close. A girl like that did not belong here. Katya watched in awe as Violet’s manicured hand brushed long onyx strands back into place.

Unfortunately, Katya was no Double O Seven, and it didn’t take Violet long to pick up on the attention she was getting. The same painted fingers removed themselves from dark, silky waves and ventured closer to Katya’s face. They snapped suddenly, and Katya almost fell out of her blue plastic chair.

She only had a second to recover when Violet spat venom at her. “Hey, Bozo the Cunt, has the lack of oxygen in your tiny car affected your ability  to function, or are you just simple?”

“Bozo the Cunt”? That’s new. Mother, I’ve made a name for myself. Katya brought her eyes up to look at Violet. Her failure to provide a timely response did her no favors and the she-demon’s ruby red lips curled into a snarl. If Katya could feel her legs, she would be running to the nearest place of worship.

“Quit staring at me, freak,” Violet hissed. Katya met violet’s piercing eyes with her own sheepish blue ones.

“I-I uhm…Sorry. You look nice today?” Katya offered with shrugged shoulders. She wouldn’t buy her excuse either.

The brunette rolled her brown eyes, fishing her sparkly red phone from her bag and leaving Katya to pick at her hands.

Mrs. Yates saved Katya’s cuticles when she passed out materials for the students to make makeshift nameplates for their desks. Katya was a sucker for crafts. She wasted no time in writing her name in thick, red letters. A large, yellow sickle and hammer ran through the center of the page and black Russian characters accented her work of art. Katya was proud of herself. Capping the black marker, she took a risk and peeked at Violet’s handiwork.

Violet chose a clean and classical look for her own sign. V I O L E T was spelled out in deep purple, looping script.

Katya sighed. It was going to be a long year if the ice queen froze her out completely. At least Katya enjoyed biology.

After everyone was finished with their nametags, Mrs. Yonkin passed out an ice breaker activity designed to help the students get to know everyone at their table. Unfortunately, it was an activity where you had to interview a partner, and Katya’s partner was clearly unwilling.

“I don’t see why we have to talk,” Violet complained. “Trade papers with me so we can fill out our own answers. I’m tired of working with people that are not myself.”

Katya couldn’t help but feel a bit insulted. It wasn’t like she had herpes or something. They didn’t even have to share their entire life stories with each other; a favorite color is as generic as it gets. If the bitch wanted to be difficult, Katya sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easy for her.

“Look, Princess, I don’t know anything about science other than it’s really good for you,“ Katya bit back, “But I haven’t done enough crack to melt my brain. Do you honestly think people would believe that you could produce chicken scratch like this?” The blonde gestured pointedly to the top of her own page where she had scrawled out her name. Violet pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Oh and I’m also not bad at science. It was a joke, A bad one,” Katya tried to assure the frustrated girl in front of her. Her words of comfort did little to change her new partner’s mood, though. She tried again, “What’s your favorite color?”

[itsclydebitches]

Lovely Good Omens fandom! Many of you have asked for/mentioned having a text version of the Yelp reviews, which if I were a better person I would have remembered to include in the first place. Better late than never? So here’s a version below and I also threw this up on AO3 so there are options. For the record, I’m not at all trained in transcribing visual media, so if anyone wants to add to/edit/do whatever to this post, especially to make it more accessible, you have carte blanche to do so 👍

Also I typed this up in a hurry so, as always, apologies for any typos. 

Tagging: @lethargicdolphin, @marithlizard, @pearwaldorf

A.Z. Fell and Co. Antiquarian and Unusual Books 

Recommended Reviews 

Lindsay F. 

London, United Kingdom 

71 friends

3000 reviews

9874 photos

So I slipped into this place because I spotted my ex across the street and would have rather chugged a cocktail of bleach, lighter fluid, and a condensed solution of all my middle school years then talk to that asshole. Owner was on me the second I walked through the door and I thought he was gonna be one of those ‘Either buy something or get out’ types. Nah. I spilled the story, said I really wasn’t looking to purchase anything, and he LIT UP like nobody’s business. He gave me tea and promised I’d never run into my ex again. Which is a super sketchy promise on its own and also should have been hilarious coming from a guy a century behind in style.

...Kinda believed him though. 

Marina G. 

London, United Kingdom 

0 friends

33 reviews

48 photos

Pretty sure this guy wants a library, not a bookshop. I mean, he’s nice and all when you first come in, but trying to actually buy a book? Good fucking luck. He’s too busy to see you right now (for the record he’s super bad at pretending to be busy). Or claims that this book has already been put on reserve (then why wasn’t it in the reserve pile...?). Or the price suddenly jumped an obscene amount. Or he just straight up hems and haws until you get fed up and leave. I watched him pull a novel straight out of a woman’s hands once when she claimed that price was no object and she wouldn’t be leaving the store until she’d purchased it. You’d think she was trying to kidnap one of the guy’s kids!

So yeah. Feel like popping in to browse, maybe take pictures for your research, all while making quiet conversation with someone who quite frankly knows his stuff? This is the place for you. Want to actually buy something? Go elsewhere. Pretty sure Fell doesn’t even own a cash register. At least I’ve never seen one. 

He wants a library and I’d honestly tell him as much if he didn’t scare me just a little bit...

Aaron S. 

New York, NY

68 friends

212 reviews 

337 photos

I stayed here for three days once. Found a bathroom off the romance section and a chair hidden away in the back. Way comfier than my mattress at home. Mostly played iPhone games and kept real quiet at night. Experiment ended when I popped out for breakfast and didn’t make it back before a random 10:00am closing. Don’t think the owner ever realized what was up. 

Hana S. 

London, United Kingdom 

112 friends

115 reviews

208 photos

I really love this place. I’ve been coming here since I moved to London, about twelve years ago, and it’s one of the most soothing bookstores I’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting. Yeah, you hear talk of weird things going on at Fell’s, but really? We could all do with a bit more quirky in our lives. And Fell provides that in spades: Annual plants that never seem to wither, let alone die. The smell of incense mixing with cocoa. Strange books tucked horizontally into the shelves, feeling like they have a touch of magic to them. Nonsensical conversations taking place in dark corners (I’m talking candid chats about the apocalypse and whether angels could actually bless all the rains down in Africa. I swear Fell and his boyfriend are the religion Mythbusters or something.) I’m going to sound like a total nerd here for a moment, but it feels like some sort of liminal space. You know when you were a kid and you were just desperate to receive your Hogwarts letter? Or find your own wardrobe to Narnia? That’s what walking into Fell’s feels like. Like you’ve finally found that portal and can stay as long as you like, provided you don’t try to take anything back with you into the ‘real’ world. Hell, maybe that’s why he won’t let anyone buy his books. 

Robert T. 

Union City, CA

4 friends

26 reviews

3 photos

There’s a snake?? In this shop?? A reALLY MASSIVE SNAKE????? What are y’all doing talkin’ about your meet cutes and shit someone call pest control!

Malini D. 

London, United Kingdom 

0 friends

48 reviews

99 photos

I’m not gonna pretend I have anything to say about whether this is a good bookstore or not, but if you ever want knitting help you should definitely stop by. Mr. Fell knows an absurd amount about crafts for a guy who looks like my grandpa and he’s now replaced Youtube as my go-to for alleviating “Omg please fix this how the hell did I manage to reverse the pattern??” panic. For the record, I didn’t just wander up to a random bookseller one day and demand that he help me salvage the ruins of my first sweater. I’d taken a seat inside to wait out a storm, had my messy sleeve stuffed into my purse, and he’d offered the help. Bit of a bastard about things like gauge and color--not everyone wants to wear tartan, dude--but you get used to that. He means well. Said I should come back to show him the finished piece, which I did. Things just kind of spiraled from there. He’s an absolute treasure trove of knowledge once you get him talking and a muffin to boot. If he were twenty years younger and in any way straight I would have asked him out in a heartbeat. As it is I’m considering setting him up with Grandpa. 

Tiffany L. 

London, United Kingdom 

132 friends

312 reviews

34 photos

I’m not really a book person myself but I followed my wife in with our seventh-month old and was kinda embarrassed when he started making a fuss. Normally I’m full Badass Mom mode while in public--I’ve got a kid to feed, change, sooth, and you all can damn well deal with it--but this place was so quiet Liam seemed extra loud in comparison. I was about to take him back out when a man appeared out of nowhere. The owner I guess, based on how some of these other reviews describe him. Older gentleman with clothes out of some period piece. Anyway, he scoops Liam into his arms like he was born for it and started bouncing. Our fussy, temperamental, drama queen Liam settled in an instant and my wife got to browse to her heart’s content. I don’t know how he did it, but that man is an absolute angel. Full stars for that moment alone. 

Gillian L. 

The Hague, The Netherlands

283 friends

256 reviews

60 photos

Anyone know if the old Bentley parked out front is for sale? 

Update: It’s really, really, really not 

Billy H. 

Austen, TX

40 friends

2073 reviews

774 photos

QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS QUEER BOOKS SO MANY QUEER BOOKS!!!

Gabriela G. 

London, United Kingdom

3 friends

22 reviews

1 photos

Run by this delightfully frumpy guy who sometimes hands out biscuits from a sewing tin like my gran used to. He asked me if I was looking for anything in particular and I told him my name was Jared, I was 19, but sadly I’d never learned how to read. I have NEVER seen a man more confused in my life. 10/10 would meme him again. 

Colie A.

Enola, PA

201 friends

2778 reviews

10382 photos

I’m setting the record straight here since there are a bunch of reviews claiming it’s just London folklore: there is a snake at A.Z. Fell’s. Must be an exotic pet he usually keeps upstairs because I’ve only ever seen it twice. Is it big? Yes. Scary? Fuck yes, but I’ve never seen it do anything more than give a warning hiss at this drunk who wandered in and started yelling. (Are snakes good guard dogs? This one is.) The other time he was just chilling on top of one of the shelves. Snoozing, I guess. I asked Mr. Fell if I could pet him and he said maybe after he woke up, but then I had to get to class and all. 

Afraid of snakes? Steer clear. Otherwise I’d really recommend popping in and seeing if he’s around. Idk, maybe I’m just a snake fan but he looks super sweet and chill. Life is short. Boop the snake snoot. 

Jeremy W. 

London, United Kingdom 

86 friends

409 reviews

12 photos

I live down the street from A.Z. Fell’s and let me tell you, this place is spooky as fuck. All sorts of weird lights and noises coming from it. At all times of the day and night too. Either this bowtie wearing bookworm has one crazy sex life or the place is haunted. Jury’s out on which. 

Heather Ki. 

London, United Kingdom 

0 friends

3852 reviews

1 photos

This shop smells. Not that old book smell either, oh no, but like something is molding. I took my little Johnny in here to try and get him interested in something other than those damned video games and I walk into what smells like a whole cloud of toxic mold! My boy has a weak constitution as it is and if he comes down with anything I will be pressing charges, you mark my words. 

Jo. W. 

London, United Kingdom 

32 friends

410 reviews

61 photos

Hey, does anyone want to talk about the fact that this place burned down last month? As in, completely up in flames, I saw it happen, nothing but a smoking husk afterwards? Does no one else remember this??

Tiggi N. 

London, United Kingdom 

32 friends

33 reviews

24 photos

Has anyone read this guy’s opening hours? I included a photo above: “I open the shop on most days about 9:30AM perhaps 10:AM. While occasionally I have opened the shop as early as 8, I have been known not to open until 1.” Absolutely insane. This guy’s a madman and I love him. If anyone actually manages to get into this place please let me know because I need to shake Fell’s hand. 

Mackenzie J. 

City Centre, Manchester, United Kingdom 

807 friends

2592 reviews

13218 photos

I told my girlfriend this shop’s got a snake named Anthony and she didn’t believe me. Going back for proof next week. 

Update: got the snake selfie!!!!!!!!

Penny O. 

Chicago, IL

87 friends

557 reviews

16 photos

Caught the owner snogging some hot twink behind the cookbooks. Well done, my dude. 

[danielpope]

BLOG  IS  A  WIP.  DANNY  POPE  OF  SIDNEY  LUMET’S  RUNNING  ON  EMPTY  (1988).  TREAT  HIM  LIKE  MY  OWN  OC  :)  IT’S  ME,  INK,  BACK  AT  IT  W  ANOTHER  (  OLD  AS  FUCK  )  BLOG.  I  DON’T  FOLLOW  FIRST.  SUPER-OLD  DOC  IS  LINKED  ABOVE  IN  THE  BOLDED.

ok  film  summary  for  those  who  haven’t  seen  it  (  aka  everyone  )

when  danny  was  2  yrs  old  his  parents  were  involved  in  a  anti-vietnam  war  protest  that  involved  burning  down  a  lab  w  a  bunch  of  other  ‘  radicals  ’.  no  one  was  supposed  to  be  there  but  a  janitor  was  &  :(  was  blinded  in  one  eye.  since  then  they’ve  been  on  the  run  ‘cause  the  gov’t  wants  them  to  pay  for  what  they  did

the  film  opens  w  danny  as  richard  mcnally  noticing  the  gov’t  has  found  them  again

the  family  immediately  bounces,  leaving  THEIR  DOG  BEHIND  >:(  &  changing  their  names,  hair  colour,  &  town

u  find  out  danny’s  super  good  at  piano

they  move  to  jersey  (  &  arguably  to  princeton,  new  jersey  -  their  original  home  ),  &  theres  like  shots  of  danny  changing  their  number  plates  &  arthur  finding  them  new  identities  from  obituaries  etc

danny  starts  school  as  michael  manfield  &  it’s  very  quick  that  he’s  super  into  classical  music  &  a fucken  prodigy.  he  also  takes  home  ec  ‘cause  he  needs  to  take  2  electives

his  first  music  class  is  awkward  bc  he  recognises  a  beethoven  piece  but  not  madonna’s  new  single  lucky  star,  &  his  music  teacher  immediately  recognises  his  talent  &  invites  danny  over  to  play  his  piano  some  time

the  next  day  danny  skips  school  bc  it’s  picture  day  -  can’t  risk  having  his  picture  taken  !!!!  -  &  goes  to  the  teacher’s  house  to  play  piano.  he  meets  the  teacher’s  daughter,  lorna,  n  its  love  at  first  sight  thank  u.  she’s  super  snarky  to  his  quiet  sensitivity  n  i  lov  them

the  next  day  the  teacher  is  like  ‘  um  i  didnt  mean  u  can  break  in2  my  house  thats  criminal  behaviour  ’  &  danny  is  just  👁👄👁

danny  &  lorna  are  paired  up  for  home  ec  &  everyone  thinks  its  hilarious  that  a  boy  is  learning  how  to  bake

danny  n  lorna  hit  it  off,  he  asks  her  on  a  walk  w  him,  he  invites  her  to  his  mum’s  bday  party,  they  have  a  deep  convo  w/o  actually  revealing  anything  abt  danny  ,  it’s  cute

blah  blah  blah,  lorna  shows  up  to  annie’s  bday  party  &  gives  her  a  little  shell  necklace  she  made  &  the  popes  love  her  immediately

danny  walks  her  home  &  they  make  out  but  stop  short  of  having  sex  bc  danny  doesn’t  want  to  do  that  when  he’s  lying  to  her  bc  she  thinks  his  name  is  michael  &  everything  she  knows  abt  him  is  a  lie

lorna  doesn’t  ,  like  this  rejection  &  is  v  upset  abt  it.  she  ignores  him  the  next  day  at  school

danny  cant  sleep  bc  hes  so  torn  up  abt  this  that  he  sneaks  into  her  room  because  ‘  u  wouldn’t  talk  to  me  ’  in  the  middle  of  the  night  &  convinces  her  to  go  into  the  woods  w  him  &  he  spills  everything  because  ‘  i  didn’t  know  what  to  do  but  i  love  u  ’  &  lorna  cries  bc  of  the  weight  he’s  been  carrying  &  they  have  sex  &  now  he  has  another  secret  but  lorna  can  share  it

danny  sneaks  back  home  but  arthur’s  up  &  is  just  ‘  are  u  sleeping  w  her  ’  &  when  danny  nods  arthur’s  just  ‘  i  like  her  ’.  earlier  in  the  film  we  see  arthur  has  his  own  issues  abt  this  life

UM ---  danny’s  teacher  says  he  should  apply  for  juilliard  bc  hes  that  talented  ;  danny  doesn’t  let  his  parents  kno  bc  they  would  never  allow  it  as  trying  to  produce  school  transcripts  would  blow  their  cover  ;  he’s  a  fucken  genius  n  the  school  wants  him

the  teacher  reaches  out  to  annie  to  talk  abt  danny  &  the  school  &  she’s   just  :O  bc  she  had  0  idea  he’d  done  that,  but  then  it  turns  out  danny  got  his  talent  from  annie  &  she  regrets  never  having  like  ,  taken  her  talent  that  seriously  /  focused  on  uni,  &  she  doesn’t  want  him  to  make  the  same  mistakes

there’s  scenes  where  she’s  talking  to  arthur  abt  it,  &  danny  asks  arthur  if  he  can  stay,  &  annie  reaches  out  to  her  father  who  she  hasn’t  seen  in  fifteen  years  &  lets  him  know  abt  the  situation  &  ‘  surprise  we  have  another  kid  too  now  ’  &  asks  if  he  would  take  danny  in

the  gov’t  closes  in  on  them  so  danny  says  goodbye  to  lorna  bc  he’s  never  gonna  see  her  again.  it’s  very  heartbreaking

surprise  !  his  grandfather  has  agreed  to  take  danny  in  &  the  popes  are  gonna  leave  but  danny’s  gonna  stay  &  danny  is  equal  parts  thrilled  but  also  devastated  bc  who  knows  when  they’ll  see  each  other  again  &  that’s  where  the  film  ends  :)

little  things  i  didn’t  add  :  u  hear  throughout  abt  other  radicals  they  were  with  being  caught  ;  arthur  finds  out  his  mum  died  of  cancer  ;  one  of  the  radicals  who  had  a  thing  for  annie  finds  them  again  &  is  all  chummy  &  turns  out  he  stole  a  credit  card  from  someone  at  annie’s  new  work  (  dental  assisstant,  arthur’s  a  chef  )  &  that’s  how  the  gov’t  cottoned  on  to  where  they  were.  this  film  is  very  much  a  character  based  film  rather  than  a  plot-based  film  &  if  u  wanna  cry  just  watch  the  last  scene  ,  whew.  the  timeline  in  the  movie  is  unclear,  but  it’s  clearly  a  decent  chunk  of  the  school  year.

[purplesurveys]

874

What's something you couldn't live without, other than the obvious? It’d be very hard to have to get by without my glasses. I’d technically survive, but I’ll have to get used to bumping into things a lot and never recognizing anyone unless they’re right beside/in front of me. What's something that will always cheer you up? Dogs. Real life dogs, photos of dogs, videos of dogs, stories about dogs, etc. Who's had the biggest positive impact on your life? My orgmates. They made me happy when I needed it the most, called me out when I needed the help, and idk I’m just happy whenever I get to see them. I can’t recall a time where I felt like it was a chore to spend some time with them. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? Sigh...moving on... What was the last thing you said out loud? I asked Nina to help me bring Cooper and his stuff up to my parents’ room; specifically, I asked her to bring his food and water bowls.

What's something that irritates you to no end? Backhand compliments. An uncle once congratulated me for getting into my dream school but ended his sentence with “are you sure you don’t wanna go to [2nd top university in the country, (which I also passed the day before)]? You’ll fit better there.” This was like two days after I found out I got into UP, so I was still on cloud nine. I don’t know how my face contorted after that but I wasn’t pleased.

Honestly, do looks matter to you? Yes, but not as much as personality and intelligence. When was the last time you had a girls/guys night out? Not sure. I just have nights out in general; I never plan out gender-exclusive hangouts with my friends. Do you still watch kiddie movies/tv shows? Sometimes, when I get in the mood to. It’s not something I feel the need to do regularly. What's your worst habit? Never learning my lesson and being careless just because everything is going well. Best way I can illustrate this is when a couple of a months ago I started getting regular headaches because I’d sleep at 3, 4 AM – I addressed it by giving myself an earlier bedtime. When the headaches went away and I started feeling better, I went right back to sleeping late lol. Procrastinating is a good example too; I’ve submitted work early occasionally and it’s satisfying as fuck, but I never learn for the most part and stick to doing stuff at the last minute. Do your parents call you by any embarrassing nicknames? No. Byn is a nickname, but I don’t find it embarrassing. Do you have road rage? Yeah but there have to be certain conditions for me to get to that point, like once I’ve seen enough stupidity on the road and I can’t take it anymore; when I’m tense about something; or when traffic has been standstill for too long. Is there a certain word that you always forget how to spell? Not really. I know my spelling pretty well. Are there any books in your room? Which ones? Yesssss but it’s mostly because I owned a lot of books as a kid and I’ve thrown none of them out. My book collection is sorely not updated because I stopped reading as I got older. Do you take too many surveys? I wouldn’t say I take too many, especially considering the fact that I used to take like 7-10 surveys everyday back in high school. I do take them regularly. Write some lyrics from the song you're currently listening to: "You know I’m always coming back to this place, you know I’m always gonna look for your face.”

When it comes to dating, what's your preferred age range? 0-1 year. When was the last time someone gave you a weird look? Continued the next morning, lol. I was dancing in my seat over dinner last night because the fried chicken we had was super good, so my mom looked at me strangely. Do you like to cuddle? Only with a significant other, and an animal if they’re willing to cuddle. Do you like the band Cartel? I don’t think I’ve heard of that band yet. Do you play any instruments? No, but I’m always wishing I could. Do you ever blare the music in the car and dance like an idiot? I used to do that when I drove to and from school. It’s the only time in the day where I’m not working and I’m alone, so I allow myself to let loose. Though I gotta say, most of it is recorded because I always have a dashcam on HAHAHAHA so I definitely have some footage I don’t want getting aired in like my funeral or something. Do you like playing in the rain? When I was a kid.

What's something you miss? Going to the mall is a big one. Anything unpleasant coming up soon? The worst thing I can think of is the first anniversary of Nacho’s passing. It’s not till September, but when I think about how March literally feels like yesterday September doesn’t seem too far away anymore. If you had a pet moose, what would you name him? Probably the name of another animal, like Cow. I’ve seen other people name their dogs the names of different animals and it has always sounded so hilarious to me. Do you often hold back what you really want to say? If it’s gonna make me look unnecessarily blunt and hurtful then yes. Are you currently wearing any jewlery? Nope. What was the last gift you gave to someone? Cooper, for Father’s Day. It was my mom’s idea but I helped chip in with the graduation money I got from one of my aunts. Do you decorate for Christmas? (If you celebrate it, that is.) We do. I’ll probably put a tree and some stockings up once I live alone, idk, just so I don’t feel too lonely. Are you hungry? A bit, but it’s manageable. On that note, I miss continental breakfasts. I’ve been having Filipino-style breakfast for months and I really would just like a goddamn croissant or bread rolls with butter for once, lol. When was the last time you went bowling? Sometime in September and October last year. Can you whistle? Yes. Is there a certain genre of music that you just can't stand? Country. Are you allergic to anything? Nope. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. I lay my head on one and hug another. If I don’t have a ~hug pillow~ it takes much longer for me to fall asleep. You've just won a free vacation! Where do you want to go? Covid restrictions hypothetically put aside, I’d love to go on the New York/Texas trip I initially planned as my grad gift. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I have a good relationship with my dad. But it’s not like I feel comfortable enough to tell either of my parents any of my secrets. What's your favorite thing about yourself? Gabie likes to tell me “you’re too selfless, you don’t have to help everyone” in sort of like an annoyed tone because that’s exactly what I do lol - help anyone, even if I have to go out of my way or even if it’ll inconvenience me to do it. But I love it about me. I like when I get to make people go home with one less issue on their shoulders. Do you have any health problems? Scoliosis. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Almost smashed into a car that suddenly braked while I was going 50, 60 kph. Are you extremely picky when it comes to guys/girls? That’s what demis essentially are, lol. Do you ever listen to classical music? It’s my last resort when I’m studying and no other music is helping me get focused. What was the last concert you attended? Paramore. What's a movie you'd like to see right now? (Old or new) Ammonite, it’s an upcoming film with Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan. Do you take life too seriously? Most of the time. I just find it necessary that way. When was the last time you were truly scared? This weekend when my mom watched a jumpscare with the sound on, so I heard the loud demon scream that came up in the end. What's the funniest trick you've ever pulled on anyone? I don’t like pulling tricks because I don’t like them pulled on me. The most I’ve done is take Gab’s phone and pretend with her that it’s lost. Do you like orange juice? I’ll drink it if it’s served for free, but I wouldn’t buy one for myself. Do you own any skinny jeans? Yes, nearly all my jeans are skinny. Do you have a diary/journal that you frequently write in? You’re looking at it. When was the last time you had a good workout? November, back when I still had that intense PE class that made me work out for an hour every Wednesday and Friday. Do you like your eye color? I find it too common but I’m not actively complaining about it. I don’t feel the need to change it. When was the last time you played with Play-Doh? Two or three years ago at a cousins’ place. One of them was still a baby then, so the toys they had around were clay and kinetic sand and stuff. What's something that you think people waste too much time on? Fighting on Facebook comments lol Do you think they should outlaw talking on your cell phone while driving? They already have, at least here. Are you embarrassed to burp or fart in front of your friends? For the most part. I’ll burp only in front of Angela and Gab. Do you like peanut butter cookies? Yesssssss, but I don’t get to have it a lot. :(