#in my tormented headache version of reality it would make the pain go away

[prolibytherium]

I really think trepanation would help me

[clownsgobeepbeep]

Piece of Cake(Pennywise x Reader Commission)

Commission made by @heavens-light-hells-fire :) If you’d like me to fix something, do not hesitate in telling me! Btw, this is a Labyrinth AU :D

Words:3032

"What do you want? Do you want a story?"

The words replayed themselves in your head as you walked through the lone forest, having remembered the anger you felt once you heard your baby brother Georgie's cries throughout the entire house. Or more like, your baby stepbrother.

"Once upon a time there was a young girl whose stepmother always made her stay home with the baby.

You walked over to the crib where he lay, then reaching in to grab him and cradle him in your arms as his wails only got louder and made you groan. "The baby was a spoiled child who wanted everything for himself, and the young girl was practically a slave."

The baby's cries were now ringing in your ears which caused a headache to come into your mind, so you held onto Georgie's small hand to try to at least bring some comfort to him.

"But what no one knew was that the Clown King had fallen in love with the girl and given her certain powers."

Rather than quieting down, you felt the baby tear his arm away almost as if in anger.

"So one night when the baby had been particularly cruel to her, she called on the toys for help."

You knew that the cries were not going to stop any time soon, so you rolled your eyes with a loud huff. You were not sure what else you could do in the situation, so you leaned down to place Georgie back into his crib before you turned and walked away. Right before you exited his room, you slightly turned your head to the side to barely glance at the crib with a glare.

"I wish the monsters would come and take you away...right now."

And when you had turned off the light of the room, you remembered the fear that crept up your back when the crying immediately stopped.

"Georgie?...Georgie are you alright? W-why are you not crying?"

You were interrupted when you heard a 'thump' on the ground, so you turned to the side and noticed that a toy from Georgie's shelf had fallen off. As you worriedly squinted your eyes to have a better look, you noticed that it was a miniature jack in the box which had begun to play itself, then allowing you to hear a soft tune come from it.

Slowly, you took small steps to near it before the music stopped and the lid of the box immediately opened to reveal a small clown doll that popped up with a tiny laugh.

With confusion and fear, you took a gulp and walked over to the box so that you could grab it but heard another laugh that was almost identical to the doll's. You stopped on your tracks and noticed that in the shadows behind the jack in the box were two bright yellow eyes that belonged to a figure that held out a gloved hand to the doll.

The toy was soon swept away before the dark figure took a step forwards, revealing a boot that was worn by a leg concealed by a gray costume. Eventually, the shape in the darkness displayed itself and your eyes soon met with the yellow ones that were on a clown's face.

"Gah!"you yelled out when you felt yourself nearly trip over a log that was lazily splayed on the ground, then holding onto your foot for a moment because of the pain you now felt.

You brought your hands up to your head and gripped at your hair, then tugging on it before finally letting it go and releasing a loud sigh.

"I hate this labyrinth!I hate everything about it!"you shouted out as your foot kicked yet another rock that skipped itself all the way to the nearest tree, and you did the same before you huffed and stomped at the ground with a grunt. "And I hate that clown too..."

You stood in place and crossed your arms, then biting the inside of your cheek before looking up at a tree in front of you instead of the dirt below. With a sigh and a shut of your eyes, you stepped over to the trunk after opening them and turned so that you could lay your back on it. You threw your head back to once again let out a breath, then looking up to see the leaves on the tree rather than the sky.And once again, your mind went to when you finally and regrettably met the Clown King who introduced himself as Pennywise.

"My, little (Y/N)...why don't you go back into your room and have some time to yourself?Forget about little Georgie."

"No...where is he?"

"I have brought you a gift my little one,"he offered before he reached behind himself and pulled his hand back out to reveal a simple yet bright yet balloon. "Here I present to you a mere balloon, and nothing more."

You squinted your eyes which made the clown laugh, because he sensed your confusion.

"Although my dear, turning and looking into it this way...will show you whatever happy thought you want." Pennywise extended his arm so that you could grab the balloon's string while it did just as he said, and when you reached out, he retrieved his hand with a dark chuckle. "But, this is no gift for a girl who takes care of a screaming baby."

"I...I can not just let you leave with my brother!He must be so scared...a-and-"

"Do not defy me,(Y/N)...If you want your little brother back,"and the clown lifted his hand to the room's window where you instantly had sight of a circus tent that was surrounded by much smaller versions of it in the distance. "He is there in that tent and you have to get him yourself."

"Well...that doesn't look too far!It's almost a piece of cake!"you commented after seeing it, then noticing that Pennywise's expression turned into an immediate frown.

"Hmm...it is further than you think, princess and unfortunately for you, time is short. " the clown stated. "You have thirteen hours to solve the labyrinth before your baby brother becomes another one of my precious little toys. Forever."

"I can't believe it...thirteen hours to find Georgie in this amazing labyrinth..."you muttered out before you instantly heard and felt your stomach grumble. "Great,just great...now I'm hungry!I can't stop now though."

You were cranky and tired and confused, not knowing whether this were merely a dream or actually reality which brought a headache to you the more you wondered what was even going on. You furrowed your eyebrows again and groaned, then bringing your head back up so that you could look at the front, and you soon felt your eyes widen when they landed on another nearby tree.

As your stomach let out another loud growl, you licked your lips with intense eyes when you noticed that the tree in front of the one you were on had an oh so glorious variety of fruits. Although, one of them stood out because of its color and perfect, round texture that clearly showed it as a peach.

Quickly, you uncrossed your arms and removed yourself from the tree as your eyes never left the little fruit that was waiting for you to get it. With a few strides, you eventually reached the humongous plant which was actually quite short compared to the rest, and that only made you feel fortunate for the fact that things were actually and finally going well for you.

A dark chuckle resonated throughout the dark room where the king of the bothersome creatures who taunted and tormented you throughout your journey sat on an ancient throne that was surrounded by several, hundreds of children's toys. The clown had his legs over one of the golden arm rests as his back was on the other, his head leaned against his closed fist as his other hand held onto a teddy bear.

A purely and naturally gray teddy bear with a bright red nose and two small red pom poms on its stomach that somehow resembled the clown's own costume. To make it even more believable, on its neck was a fluffy ivory neck ruffle whilst its face had a red dot on each cheek, almost like Pennywise's cheek to eye lines in a way.

"Oh little bear...what am I supposed to do with my dear,hmm?"Pennywise asked as if he were conversing with the plush that could only stare back at him with blue, beady eyes.

"No,no,no...the girl has no trust nor interest in me. At least not yet. How in this whole labyrinth am I to bring that out of her?"

Once again no response.

"Well, those fruits I left for the little darling are more than enough, do you not think?As soon as she gets my present, not only will she be thankful but she will forget about every single one of her problems!"

Silence.

"Of course that is going to be good to her! My lovely (Y/N) is going to have the time of her life, and as her future mate I deem it necessary to entice and entertain her in whatever way possible. I took her screaming brother away, and now I am going to take all her worries away."

Though Pennywise only received a stare from the bear, it almost appeared as if it were judging his actions.

"You know what?I don't care for any of your criticism Mr. Gray and I will continue as I am doing so."Pennywise then felt himself perk up when he sensed something in. He turned to the side where your baby brother lay fast asleep in a crib. Next to the small bed was a table that had balloons floating about it, and one of them happened to be glowing brightly. Pennywise stood up from his throne and gently set 'Mr. Gray' on the seat before walking towards the balloons and he had soon reached to grab the string of the brightest one. He pulled it down to then look into it, then feeling a smirk creep onto his face.

"Why, would you look at that? My little doll has finally reached the fruit tree and everything is falling into place."

As he looked into the crimson balloon, he was able to easily how you went from being irritated and annoyed to earning yourself a seed of hope when seeing that beautiful fruits hanging from the tree.And that seed slowly grew by the second as it was clearly shown in your eyes that intensely stared at the fruits that you were trying to reach out for.

Without taking his eyes away, Pennywise lifted one of his gloved hands towards the direction that the teddy bear was in, and soon enough it was raised from the throne before it floated towards the clown's hand.

The plushie was then gripped before Pennywise shifted his hand so that it now was slightly pressed against his face as he made sure to not stain the bear.

"Look at that Gray, look at the way that she stares at the damned fruit!"Pennywise exclaimed as your now optimistic eyes remained on the peach while you tried climbing the tree to take the fruit. "Why can't she gaze at me in that same manner,hmm? Have I lost my touch?"

The clown looked at the teddy bear before letting out a loud laugh.

"Oh ho ho! Why you're right Mr. Gray, I could never lose my touch! I am the best there is and sooner or later this girl is going to be all mine."

Pennywise noticed that you were having a difficult time getting the peach that caused you to huff and turn your back to the tree, then leaning against it with your original from which only made him roll his eyes in a slightly playful manner before they landed on the bear.

"Alright, alright. I do believe you're correct and win this round you ol' chap."he said to the bear before glancing back at the balloon as he placed the bear near his chest and held it with the arm that had the balloon. His now free hand pointed at the balloon and he flicked his wrist which had immediately cut the peach's stem. With that, it easily fell from the tree and hit you on the head before it continued to fall.

"God...dammit!"As your hand leaned itself on the tree to hold you up while the other was high in the air, barely even reaching the peach that was attached to the tree right above you.

You let out a groan before huffing in final defeat; you lowered your hand and not longer stretched your body and had instead pressed your forehead against the trunk. Once again, you felt your stomach let out an obvious growl that made you grumble to yourself.

Removing yourself from the tree, you turned your back to it and repeated the same action that you had done before on the other tree. You leaned back onto it and right after you threw your head back, you felt something land on your head a bit harshly.

"Ow!" you exclaimed and when you lifted your hands, you felt whatever hit you fall onto your open palms. You glanced down and widened your eyes when you miraculously saw the peach that you had been oh so desperately trying to grab before.

"Oh,wow."you whispered before a smile replaced your frown as you lifted your hands to have a better view of the small fuzzy peach. You licked your lips before slowly shutting your eyes and then bringing the fruit to your mouth to take a bite of it. After chewing on the piece and eventually swallowing it, you expected to let out a content hum but you instead felt that the peach taste as bit...strange.

You instantly dropped the peach that fell at your feet before rolling away right when you lifted one hand to hold your head whilst the other placed itself on the tree you had just been on. All of a sudden, everything in your eyes became a complete blur as you kept on trying to catch yourself but realized that a simple task like that became far more than difficult.

As you held yourself on the tree, you tried walking away while sliding your hand which only resulted in you to hold onto nothing right before you felt onto the floor. Your breathing became rigid as your blurred vision created a stinging pain in your head that made you look down.

Despite this, you tried shaking it away and looked up before your realized that even with the blur, you could see something in the distance. A shape moved almost so gracefully before another shape appeared, and soon enough there were several figures that moved around almost as if…

"All I see...dancing..."you whispered to yourself, then letting out a breath as you placed both of your hands on the ground to hold yourself up."Everything is...dancing..."

Pennywise smirked to himself even more when his red balloon showed him exactly what he wanted to see and had previously planned out. His hand slightly released the balloon, but he made sure to keep it in his hands while he grabbed the strings of a few other balloons.

With his powers he removed the bear plush from his arm and lifted it in the air to gaze at it for a moment, then making it hover all the way back to the throne where it was once again seated with much care.

When he had done that, he looked to the side where there was a an opening on the tent's side which he looked into with the handful of balloons. Pennywise let out a quiet breath that was more like a pleased hum as his free hand reached for one of the balloons and pulled it away, then leading it out through the gap in which it easily floated away.

The clown did the same with the rest of them and when he was done, he watched them go as he already knew where they were headed.

After a few struggles, you were finally able to move for a moment and had once again leaned your back against whatever tree was nearest to you, though you were now in a sitting position. No matter what, you continued to feel light headed but felt a bit of relief when your blurred vision began to fade away and you were now able to see clearly. Although, you grew confused when in front of you you saw a red dot in the sky before more and more appeared.

"What the…?"You had absolutely no idea what to even think at this point, so you merely gazed at the dots before they grew bigger and eventually you could see that they were balloons that almost appeared to be floating towards you as if on purpose.

Soon enough, a few of them had hovered right before your eyes before one of them glowed brightly and with squinted, tired eyes, you were somehow able to see the figure of a doll twirl like the miniature dancer it was whilst being dressed in a ballerina outfit inside the balloon.

Although, you were sure that it was actually not inside and was instead showing you a picture of the same doll you had inside of your music box and speaking of said box, you could somehow hear the music from it play near you. Almost immediately, the ballerina transformed into you and you were able to see yourself wearing a splendid ball gown as the rest of the balloons held moving images of couples dancing to what appeared to be a waltz.

And in that moment, you shut your eyes for a final time.

"See Mr. Gray, wasn't that just a piece of cake?"

[randomnessunicorn-imagine]

✦ DRABBLE’S CHALLENGE #20

{ I don’t know what you mean with “nothing on the reader”… I put also the Angst prompt because everyone understood it’s my brand~ Then, this is a true fanfiction, not a drabble so reward my effort and it’s only the first part-- }

Prompt: 18/30- Angst & Do what you want Pairing: King Dice x Neutral! Reader Rating: Orange Number of words:  / / /

Wicked Game [ first part ]

The full moon accompanied your steps towards unknown destinations and even the stars were laughing at you and at your misery because you did not feel so well tonight. Your stomach was grumbling but it was not because of the hungry. It was the nausea, la douleur de vivre. Your life was not so bright and you had nothing that could cheer up your days and these days were so dull and noisy for you and all the persons around you seemed not to care about it, but you did not complain because you just wanted to be alone in this dryness.  It was ten past eleven but it was not so late and this last period you did not sleep so much. Even your appearance was neglected, those two deep bags under your eyes made you a living death and you were walking through this city like a zombie in search of brains.  The desire of sleep, just like any other desires, was vanished, you just found yourself wandering around the city, and you just followed your steps and the dark alleys of the town.

The idea of staying at home with that shrew of your mother made you sick and she always found a way to make you feel like a zero. She and her bigot’s mania was your worst nightmare. She treated you just like a puppet, indoctrinating your mind with ideas and belief that in your ears sounded like horrid lies. Her Rosary that she used like a whip left its mark on your skin. Your mother said it was God’s punishment against your sins and you had to suffer just like our Saviour to expiate your guilt. The only guilt you had was to stay alive, and it was unfair. While she tormented you, giving you those moments of ultraviolence without you could realize the reason of this madness and you did not even know what horrible sins you have committed, she recited Bible verses with her voice so solemn and deep. It was a macabre show made of torture and sanctity. What should have been good seemed too bad and your eyes were unable to discern a sincere caress from a slap in the face since they appeared identical to you. With a kiss on your forehead, your ferocious mother left you like this. The Judas kiss, because your sufferance was your salvation and she only did what was the best for you. She hit you for your sake. The pains were not something that scared you, and you did not care anymore, you became so insensitive to pain and emotions that her words flowed like river’s water that reached the vast ocean and you lost the real meaning of this reality- if a meaning truly existed. 

The desire that burned in your soul was to escape, running away from this life, so you took an impulsive decision and you did not want to come back home the next morning. Maybe it was your first sin -and it could be your last- of your life but you did not care. You have stolen some money from your mother’s donation box, money that she wanted to donate to her Church. She thought that buying a ticket to Heaven was so easy, and you spit on the empty box, taking its content. Your mother and her hypocrite faith made you vomit.

The light of the street lamps were illumining your way and everything became darker, you could not recognize the place where you were going because every corners looked unknown and spectral. This atmosphere did not scare you and the more you distanced yourself from your home, the more you felt free. A gelid breeze caressed you skin that made dancing through the wind a bunch of dry leaves, and with your eyes you followed the little tornado that reached the moon. It seemed that some fairies were dancing into the night. Keeping walking, you realized you reached a part of the city you have never noticed and there were no people around, like it was a ghost town. You started worrying because it was too dark and the lamp’s light stopped to illuminate your way as if the dark ate their flares.

Sound of steps made you return to the reality and maybe you could ask to those people some indications, where you were. When you turned your head in their direction, you gasped, and you were unable to distinguee their figures but you could understand their conversation so you hid yourself behind a trash can, eavesdropping their words. "Don’t ya hear about that guy who lost his soul? Nobody sees him from a week, he’s vanished into tiny air" said the mysterious man , his voice was loud and raspy. "He should have thought twice before betting his soul to the Devil, he asked for it!" answered the other man to his friend, and he did not seem so perplexed, not as perplexed as you, because what that man said was absurd but you kept listening to them. "Do you believe it’s the devil in person? It sounds like a rumour." you also thought it could not be possible and maybe your ears were defective. "No, man. You don’t see that place, it’s full of abnormal creatures even if people say they are just costumes or crazy tricks. If this was true, hats off, sirs. They’re very well done!" the other man did not seem so sceptical and he believed a man lost his soul but you did not understand. This story caught your curiosity so you decided to follow them when they declared their destination. "I’m pretty curious of seeing this place, but I don’t have money to bet. If they will be content with some beans…" he chuckled and they still did not notice you, thanks to the darkness you could not be seen. "But they want your soul not your beans, idiot" the friend laughed, if the demons were content to prepare a soup of beans, it was a great affair. "I don’t feel particularly lucky, but a look can’t kill, isn’t it?" his friend said and then they kept walking for several minutes until they reached a huge place. It seemed a castle and you wondered how and when it was built, it seemed it appeared from day to night and everyone already knew it. You have never gambled and your mother considered any games a temptation created by Satan himself and maybe it was true considering the words those men said and raising your head you could notice a big sign that said “The Devil’s Casino”. You thought it was a coincidence even if you heard too many stories about the devil and even your mother believed in him. Anyway, you decided to explore this edifice. Just a look could not kill, like the other man said before. 

Everything seemed so surreal and grotesque. Were you fallen in the rabbit hole and now you were in some darker version of Wonderland? You could not believe in your eyes, all you could perceive was a smell of smoke, the slot machine’s sounds and the evil laughs of people who were not people because they were deformed monsters that had the most extravagant appearances. There were animated objects, skeletons and other creatures that you would expect to find in some horror movies and not in a remote Casino in the middle of nowhere and you had no idea how you got here. Maybe it was just a dream, you had to wait for the morning to come, but it was not going to come…

You’ve been jerked by some entities, you did not know how to define these creatures, and you lost your equilibrium and some malicious eyes were staring at you because you were the stranger here. You were the outsider, as a human you were noticed by everyone. In that moment, you just wanted to vanish; your footsteps got faster searching for a place to hide but your mind was still dizzy, you needed to breathe some fresh air and evading from this hell. Yes, it was hell and maybe it was your punishment for your sins. The same sins your mother talked about. Maybe she was right and it was the will of God, you were lost. You were dead. The atmosphere was demoniac and psychedelic, and, as you walked, those creatures became scarier. You lost those two men, the ones you found in the street, and maybe you should have spoken with them, following them with your glance since they were humans like you, and maybe you did not find yourself in this situation.  These noises caused to you a terrible headache, you coughed different times because of the smoke, but your attention was taken by a voice. It was a familiar voice, it was one of the men. He was so far, to your ears it appeared like a whisper, and you decided to follow it, maybe they could help you. As the voice became louder, you could perceive fear in it, that man was screaming, he was about to cry. A crowd of monsters surrounded him, they were exulting, yelling and cursing, you felt so dirty only hearing those terrible words.  That man was imploring for his soul and you recalled that discourse about the devil and his bets. Now it was clear or, at least, you could say those two men were saying the truth and this place was cursed. 

 ***

 This was the first time you saw him, while you were crushed by the monsters crowd, yours and his eyes met, a shiver of fear crossed your spine. On the background, the screams of that poor man echoed through the area. His soul was lost, and he would have thought twice before betting with King Dice.  At first, you thought it was all a performance, nothing about it could be real. The tears, the fears and the prayers that man were invoking were real. You asked yourself what would remain of that man, if the devil took his soul what was going to happen? Was he going to burn in hell?

"No, please! Have mercy of me!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, but Dice was inflexible and a bet was a bet. He won, that man lost, that was all and there was no possibilities to come back in time. None had that power. Dice smirked, saying with his calm and soave tone of voice, "As much fun as this is, time’s money and so many souls, too. I don’t have any of these to lose." King took a brief pause and even if his eyes pointed to that man, it seemed he was watching every persons present in this hall like he possessed million eyes. Then, he continued, "Y'are the one who lost. Ya must pay" his tone was so professional but unemotional, and the man started crying. Nothing violent or horrible happened because the pain that man felt was inner and he was the only one who could understand his own pain. He was alone for the eternity from now. His friend was disappeared and you imagined he got the same horrid fate but you were not that curious to find it out and you wanted to go away until Dice kept talking again and he searched for another bet. Who could be his next victim? 

"The stakes gets higher, someone of you visitors do dare to challenge the Dice?" a blaze of darkness surrounded his figure and all the crowd silenced itself. No answer but only a disturbing silence contaminated by the noises of the slot machines in operation and the beats of the pulsating hearts. "No fellas?"  the dice man seemed a little disappointed for the lack of cooperation and this made him more determinate. His eyes turned green for a moment and it was like he was X-raying every person’s inside. It was an unpleasant sensation, as if you were naked and inert, his eyes pointed on you. 

Dice scrutinized the misery in your eyes, your soul was so damaged. You were like a fly trapped inside a glass and the poor insect crushed on the cold surface inert and fragile, unable to escape. Maybe it was a favour he wanted to do to you or, what was more plausible, it was another trap but you still did not have anything to lose and you had no desire to come back home. No torture would have been worse than the ones you suffered in your home that was not a home, it was a prison, the place where you died every day. Where you consumed your wretched existence. 

"What do ya think?" he completely took you unprepared, and you stayed in silence for a time that seemed an eternity. In this moment, you and him were the only ones to be in this place –apparently-, it was just a sensation but you forgot about all the other guests and you lost yourself staring in his eyes as if he was hypnotizing you.  Sooner or later, you would have lost your soul anyway, and even your mother said you were condemned to Hell for reasons unknown to you, so it was only a matter of time. The confusion in your mind could not be quantified and Dice’s eyes did not help because he kept watching you with his lascivious grin. He was daring you to bet, and truth must be told, he wanted to know the reason why your soul was almost reduced to pieces but it appeared purer than all the ones he saw, and there was nothing better than a pure and suffering soul. Pain just made everything more candid, he perceived a sentiment of tenderness seeing you, or it was sadism, maybe. Nobody could tell.  

So many times, Dice asked himself if the true hell was the Earth itself, because it seemed only the innocent ones were born to suffer. The Devil should have taken some examples from the humans about how to be ruthless.    If you had to go to hell, you needed to sin at least once, so the blame would be worthy, and you still promised to yourself not to return at home. You had no way to run away and you were trapped by his eyes, the choice was only one: to bet. "I accept the challenge…" you said with a tremulous voice and it was all he wanted to hear and his eyes went wide just like his sinister smile. 

"Ya won’t regret… And neither do I, darling." he declared with his persuasive voice while you have not already realized in what kind of troubles you got yourself into.

[ SECOND PART 

THIRD PART 

FOURTH PART 

FIFTH PART 

SIXTH PART ]

[foreverholdmedown]

Short: Blessing

*An anon asked me for a short on the conversation that happened between Robyn and Jermaine once he found the ultrasounds. This is for you.*

Silence loomed between their frames as Jermaine continued to stare into Robyn’s eyes with a silent plea for an explanation. His large palms nearly crumbled up the papers in his hand as he clutched them tightly and attempted to figure out if his mind entered a state of desperation and decided to play tricks on him or if he was indeed accurate in the assumptions swirling around his mind and brightening his reality. The mesh of confusion and the oxymoron of his fearful excitement was more than enough to cause beads of perspiration to form in the nape of his neck and his eyes to widen at the beautiful sight before him.

“Baby Girl these are dated as four days ago. Am I wrong?” The date is there clear as day. There’s no way possible that he could be wrong and yet he still felt compelled to ask her for her own version of accuracy because they were in her name after all and importantly, they were about her body. The uneasiness of their current state left him teetering on the line of trying not to overstep and yet about a million questions in his head were specifically for her. His fear to ask each and every single one of them was slowly but surely diminishing. He couldn’t leave her suite without the proper answers no matter how much hostility or tension arose from her slender and curvy physique.

“No, you’re not wrong. My gynecologist confirmed it four days ago and that’s when those ultrasounds were done.” Jermaine’s mouth fell agape as the remaining air in his body fell from his plush lips in a deep exhale and his chest swelled in a manner that it hadn’t done in quite some time. Yet again his mind began to race but it did so viciously as he attempted to process every thought and emotion happening between the two of them. The most potent one was fear and it ate at him to the point of a pain filling his chest as the thought of the child they’d come to know and lose within a twelve hour time frame conquered his thoughts and forced wetness into his chocolate brown eyes.

“So, how did you know? I’m lost. Did you take a pregnancy test before that or did you just decide to go to the doctors?”

“I had suspicions because of a number of symptoms I’d been feeling. At first I summed them up to stress, especially the exhaustion. Even the nausea. It was my aching nipples and the weird discharge that had me pausing and wondering what the fuck is going on. I was so caught up in life that I didn’t even think anything of my missed periods until I put all of those symptoms together. I bought two store pregnancy tests and I took them in the midst of handling the loose ends of Monica’s bridal shower. One was positive. The other was negative. That’s why I didn’t tell you or anyone at that point. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, especially yours. So I decided I’d just let a doctor handle it and I made an emergency appointment and went four days ago. He confirmed what I knew deep down inside and yet still needed confirmation about. I’m seven weeks.” Seven weeks? Jermaine ran his fingers over his head and his eyes widened yet again at the length of time she’d given him. Their sporadic love making in the midst of the madness that is their turbulent romance lead them to this. His mind couldn’t process it. Yet again silence filled the room as his eyes bore into the most beautiful set he’d ever seen in his lifetime and he watched as the love of his life nervously fiddled with her hair and mentally shrunk in front of him.

“You’re mad aren’t you?”

“Mad?” Jermaine stood to his feet. “Of course I’m not. I’m fucking happy baby. I’m just trying to process all of this. What did the doctor say about the baby? Your health?” He placed the ultrasound images down on a nearby table without ever looking away from her.

“Everything is normal for the most part. The fetus is healthy, growing accordingly, and my body is doing what it’s supposed to be doing. Though I didn’t want to discuss it, we talked about the ectopic pregnancy and potential complications. He assured me that all should be well and I should think positively while being careful and taking care of myself throughout this process. I think I asked the man about a thousand questions before I felt just a tad bit assured in this.” Assurance is something Jermaine needed just as much. Thoughts of them having a child together were simply figments of his imagination that began during his late teen years and continued on throughout his early adult life. When she revealed the news of the first pregnancy to him, despite their circumstances, his delighted nature was an understatement. In those minutes, he’d already imagined himself taking care of Robyn throughout the nine months of nesting, being there to hold her and encourage her through the birthing process, and most of all, being the best father he could possibly be to the life they created with their love. As quickly as he felt the rush of unwavering love and excitement is as quickly as it was snatched away when she painfully spoke of their child’s fate. A small part of him died that morning and though he masked his pain in order to aid Robyn through hers, it still lingered within him and tormented his mind in those moments of lone privacy. For quite some time, it felt like that was their only chance to have a family with one another. Between Robyn’s pessimism and their ongoing issues caused by the way of his stupidity, a family extended further and further from his grasp. To be standing here, listening to this news spill from her supple lips, has to be nothing less than the work of God and one hell of a message that cannot go ignored in any capacity. Not only does he have to get his life and actions together for the sake of making amends and experiencing a lifetime with the woman that taught him how to love, but he also has a daughter and now an unborn child who will be depending on his love, guidance, and nurturing.

“How do you feel?” He couldn’t refrain from planting his hands on her shoulders and drawing her close to him. His hands then slid up upon her neck and eventually cupped her face. He stared into her vulnerable eyes and nearly choked on the emotion flushing through his fatigued body. Her beauty heightened; her physical form and soul unmatched to any other.

“Icky honestly. Lots of nausea, headaches, hot flashes, and I’m always tired. I can get in the bed and sleep for hours, wake up, and I feel like I never slept at all. I know that’s to be expected in the first trimester, but it’s so damn draining. I wake up complaining just about every morning.”

“You have to take it easy. You did a lot for the wedding. You did a lot today. You need to rest. No overdoing it.”

“That’s what I’m doing now. I’d rather be in my own bed doing it, but right now, I’m so damn tired that a bed is a bed.”

Jermaine planted a kiss on her forehead and he wrapped her into his arms for a warm hug. The warmth of his body engulfed her and he sighed in bliss as she buried her face into the nape of his neck. Though he gave her the hug she so badly needed last night, he now knows why she needs help.

“You’re pregnant.” He said it out loud to please his own ears and Robyn huffed against his skin.

“I’m pregnant.”

“We’re the only ones who know?”

“Yes. I planned on telling you when we were back in New York. I was going to come over to the condo with the news but you’ve beat me to it.”

“You should get back in the bed now.” Robyn loudly chuckled as he suddenly removed his arms from around her and she rose an eyebrow at his suggestion.

“You came here feeling sick. I think you should get back in the bed now.”

“I still feel shitty. I’ve been feeling like that all day.”

“Try the Pepto-Bismol and the Advil. That may help coat your stomach and get rid of that headache.” His eyes and eventually his feet followed Robyn’s every move until she was climbing back into the plush king size bed and laying back against the pillows.

“Do you need me to do anything? You okay? You hungry or anything? I can run somewhere and grab something for you? Are you comfortable in here?”

“I’m fine Jermaine.” She chuckled yet again and he planted his hand on his head as yet another fit of flusters filled him. He didn’t know what to say, do, or be for her within this moment. He knew what he wanted and where he wanted to be, but he didn’t know if Robyn would ever consider having him in that type of capacity ever again. Though he wouldn’t stop fighting for her, the thought of possibly having already ruined his child’s likelihood to have a complete family loomed over him like a dark cloud. He’ll have to fight harder than ever before. No money, success, or acclaim could ever amount to Robyn, Yari, and now this unborn blessing.

“My due date is in October. The twentieth.”

“This is really happening.”

“It certainly feels like it.”

Silence filled the air as Jermaine did his best to withhold so many of the other questions on his mind. She’d already answered so many of them and the rest were so vague. She most likely wouldn’t have the majority of the answers right now. He also didn’t want her to feel like he was overbearing her with his presence. He’s the last person that she wants to be around these days.

“Well, I’ll just be in my room if you need me. Call me for anything at anytime. I’ll hear the phone and get up. I mean that too. Don’t hesitate to do so.”

“You can hang out here if you’d like. I’m tired but I’m not sleepy if that makes sense.”

“It makes sense.”

While she lay there looking on, he took a cup of the pink weird tasting medicine and swallowed down two Advils with a half filled bottle of water she left on the coffee table. He didn’t know what to do next and considered laying down on the couch until Robyn patted the empty space next to her. Once he was near the bed, he tossed his phone on the nightstand, slipped his feet out of his Nike slippers, and obliged her request by lying down next to her.

“TV?”

“Nah.” He couldn’t handle the blaring lights and visuals dancing within his tired eyes. The lighting in the room was more than enough; actually too much. As he turned on his side, Robyn seemingly read his mind as she used a knob near the bed to dim the lighting to the point of nearly darkening the room. Thoughts of their child filled the cool air and the fate of their love kept their bodies at a decent distance. Jermaine had never been in bed with her and felt like an outsider until tonight and yet he didn’t have the urge to leave. He’d have to take it because he deserved it. In the midst of this news, he’d never felt the severity of how much he doesn’t deserve her until tonight.

“Baby Girl…”

“Yeah?”

“Can I uh…” He didn’t know how to ask.

“Umhm.” She knew. She knows him better than anyone else does. She knows him better than he knows himself.

As his body moved closer to hers, she lifted up her head to give his arm it’s proper space and rested her head on it’s surface. His hand then softly pressed into her stomach and he rubbed it back and forth in soothing strokes. Though Robyn claimed she wasn’t sleepy, she was sound asleep within minutes. In all of his exhaustion, Jermaine couldn’t stop staring at the beautiful being lying beside him. He didn’t think he could fall any more in love with her and yet he’d been proven wrong.

“I love you.”

Beyond what words could ever explain.