#in my mind people stopped aging in 2019

[bansq]

when ppl ask me my age and I answer (19/20) and they go "OH you're a BABY!" and when I ask their age they're like 22. I like asking how old they thought I was and it's usually "Oh I thought you were my age". LIKE I GET IT IF YOU'RE 30 BUT 3 YEARS??? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT, HOW DARE YOU. I AM NOT A BABY FUCK YOU

(this is /lh please don't bully me i'm just a baby, an itty bitty infant if you will. You wouldn't get angry at little old me, would you? Yeah that's right FALL INTO MY TRAP)

[theafterglow83]

Stray thoughts from an unhinged mind caused by a song called Robin

Since my teens, I have always been a Karlie Kloss fan. No amount of vitriol from the Swifty’s has ever strayed or strained my conviction that Karlie is on many levels, and aside from being absolutely gorgeous, a better human being than Taylor Swift.

By that I mean she seems to project a warmth and a level of kindness and humanity out into the world that is so pure and honest, when compared to Taylors, sometimes vengeful and darker persona ~as well as her being Queen Mother to one of the worlds most vindictive and exhausting cults who would gladly fillet anyone at “Mother’s “ request. Taylor (the brand) has made a career and a fortune from feeding her tales of romantic misfortune and presumed ex lovers to her hungry mob with merchandise to match.

Karlie on the other hand has a nurturing and supportive side to her and don’t let her beautiful and seductive exterior fool you for below that sultry surface she gives off a warm and fuzzy golden vibe- like a puppy. She’s sophisticated, highly intelligent, NYC chic and street smart , often silly and maturing like fine wine while somehow becoming more beautiful as she ages. She also appears to be one Hell of a good mother to those babies.

All that being said about their personalities is exactly why I believe Karlie’s sunshine is the perfect match for Taylor and her moody, broken, impulsive ,often over indulgent, midnight rain personality. Not only are they equal in status - they have a Yin Yang balance to them - Only that sunshine can dry up the rain in Taylor .

I’ll continue.

While listening to songs off of the TTPD I was stopped dead in my tracks when I came to the song, Robin. I listened three times and found a tear rolling down my right cheek. I was choked up and the tiny hairs on my arms stood up . To say I was moved would be an understatement. There was something so raw, so pure and so loving in those lyrics. I had to sit with my thoughts for a while but I feel the need to share them now among those who i consider “my people”.

The Kaylors.

Sidebar confession: Yes, I’m a Kaylor.

I firmly believe Taylor Swift, and Karlie Kloss had a long running romantic relationship. They were more than friends. They were lovers too. The level of denial it takes to doubt that is astonishing. It wasn’t just Kissgate that sealed the deal. It’s the way those two looked at each other and communicated in a secret language all their own. They were deeply in love.

I believe it all started prior to the public meet up at the VS Fashion Show and even long before the “your kitchen or mine cookie “tweet.

I believe Taylor and Karlie first met when Taylor was showing up at fashion shows that Karlie was walking in as far back as 2009. Where they had a relationship then? Probably not because they were both involved with others but the sparks were flying. Thats when the foundation was laid. The attraction was there. The seeds planted. Destiny and the Universe did the rest.

Think Love Story lyrics

“We were both young when I first saw you” which I believe Taylor wrote about Karlie and which also happens to be Karlies favorite song. I believe they had an ongoing relationship that continued on until late 2017-early 2018 and then I believe something happened and they broke up, as many long-term relationships often do. My guts tell me it was cheating and it was on Taylor’s part and the regret from that will haunt Taylor for her entire life because it caused the trajectory of their path to change.

Karlie married in 2018 yet many speculate they were still together and the unofficial story is the real trouble actually came in mid 2019.

Taylor was furious over the masters, fingers were pointing everywhere, cheating rumors flew. This entire story certainly has all the drama of a Netflix series that could easily do 8 seasons

There’s so much more to this Masters incident than the public is aware of. Also the fact that Josh’s families company ~ the Carlisle Group provided the funding to Scooter is an often overlooked storyline.

Was Taylor angry at Karlie for that but how could Karlie control that if she was even in that loop of that drama. Or~ was there more -because in any good mystery - there’s always several layers more .

What did Scooter have to leverage getting that kind of money from them to buy the masters? Being Karlie’s manager at the time perhaps he has something on her or Taylor or both of them and used it as that leverage . It’s a whole other rabbit hole that I don’t have time to visit right now but regardless Taylor is still angry about to this very day which tells me it goes way deeper and my gut feeling is that Taylor’s dad was the one involved with knowing things and not Karlie Kloss who got fed to the sharks over the situation.

So I’m going on record here saying I never believed Karlie had anything to do with Masters Heist. I believe that story was used as an explanation to explain their separation. I know there’s a whole other level of messy lore involving this and a love blackout and Trumps election and Karlie’s association with the Kushner’s but I’m going to skip over that season and move on -except to say that it was absolutely shameful the level of hate Karlie was forced to endure because of that and still her sun shinned while she was being made the villain online and much of it still continues to this day. At any point during that scandal Karlie could have spoken out but she didn’t. She quietly took one for the team.

I’m not going to pretend that I know what happened during that murky period or what is happening now - because honestly -I do not…but there have been a strange set clues and way too many “koincidences to simply chalk up to being coincidences.

It’s just a gut feeling but I also don’t believe their connection went fully went away or ever will for that matter. They are and will forever be tied together even in the times they are apart but I kinda think they reunited ( again) in early to mid 2020.

I’ve read all the theories. I’ve heard all the rumors ,I’ve been to the rabbit hole, I’ve climbed out, I’ve fallen back in, and most days now you’ll find me sitting on the edge dangling my feet still and kinda wondering. I live my life ~ they live theirs.

So am I a LSK?

No, not really, but some days …ok, maybe. You see for as much as I try to say no…there’s just this tiny string I can’t help but see so I keep my feet planted on the ground but my mind open.

By open I mean open to the possibility that Taylor and Karlie are in one of those kind of “relationships” where as hard as they try ~they just can’t seem to quit each other and they go through periods of on and off times. “pauses” is what I like to call the brakes or bumps along the way. You know that couple that’s over but they’re never really over ?

Where are they now? I have no idea.

Taylor has another year of touring and promoting and probably Travis. My money says Taylor Swift will be the halftime show at next years Super Bowl.

Karlie, along with her modeling contacts ( Carolina Herrera, Estée Lauder, Donna Karen etc ) is venturing into the business world. Along with running Kode with Klossy, she’s CEO of her newly formed media company. She bought I-D magazine and also Life magazine, which Josh also invested in , this year. She’s got a lot on her plate

Yes, Karlie is married but is she really married in the traditional sense of what we all consider marriage to be? On the surface, yes… but once again- the layers and the lore here is incredible.

What a character she’d be on that Netflix show I imagine in my head . Just give her an Emmy already.

Does she love Josh? I’m absolutely sure she does- but the real question is…is she IN love with Josh? You know- romantic love -which, I as an observer ~don’t believe she is or ever has been. You can just kinda tell and no matter how many pictures she posts the connection just isn’t there and whenever I see her with her beautiful babies (even if he’s in the photo) she gives off that “ single mother vibe “

That level of chemistry, no matter how the pictures are posed~ or the hand in hand walks are staged -the passion ~ the look in their eyes - it just isn’t there and honestly it never was.

They have always given off that bff energy and frankly ~ Karlie’s friendship with her “big brother “ Derek actually feels more real, relaxed and genuine.Then there are the gay rumors ( past and present) surrounding their entire little multiverse ~but we won’t go into them right now either. We’d be here all night.

And yes, Taylor has had her share of public relationships but have they been real? Have they had their moments? probably. Did some become more than PR for a brief period of time. Possibly She’s been linked to everyone she even walks by or talks to but somehow it all pales and fades in time. I’m sure there have been flings along the way but flings don’t fly and usually run their course in that 9 1/2 week period that flings seem to take.

If I’m being honest, as I observe from the treetops all of Taylor’s relationships and Karlies relationship with Josh, they never reach the level of the real connection and happiness that I saw between Taylor and Karlie. That’s something you just can’t fake or reproduce with another .

Whatever is going on with Travis is so cringey and sadly embarrassing.I tend to think it’s PR but if it’s real then he truly is her obnoxious karma and karma isn’t usually a good thing. But hey the moneys good. Maybe they’ll even get lavender married so she can stay in her closet and continue to throw red meat to the $wifties.

The future is yet unwritten.

All that being said, I’ll get back to my original point of this ramble and that’s a song called Robin.

So yes, I’ve heard the rumors, I’ve read the theories, I’ve seen photographs of visual evidence. Karlie Kloss was in Los Angeles during the pandemic, the same place where Taylor was in fort part of 2020. When she returned to NYC if you count the months - she was pregnant even if she didn’t look it. I also believe Karlie was there in the shadows during the Long Pond Studio recordings in Upstate NY. Jack kind of gave it away when he referenced “Joe the dog” as being who he thought Taylor was talking about when she said “ Joe and I wrote a song”

I’ve also heard the rumor that there was a ceremony between them that they tried to pass off as a ceremony between Taylor and Joe which Tree later denied that there was ever a ceremony of “any type”.

Ok buckle up because here it comes

I’ve seen the “turkey baster”( IVF ) post that Karlie made. Like who uses a turkey baster in May? What an odd thing to do unless you were signaling an IVF pregnancy situation. Regardless ~ she was extremely happy that day.

I’ve seen the cinnamon buns post ( think the expression “buns in the oven ) that Taylor made a few days later back in May 2020. She was “proud” of her cinnamon buns.

Happy & proud …hum

Is that a crazy set of coincidences? Hand on whatever holy book you set before me ~ I’d have to say “yes”

And it’s Absolutely crazy considering the fact that Levi was born a little over nine months later.

Add in the fact of how emotional Taylor got accepting her Grammy for Folklore when Arron thanked his “ wife and kids “during the acceptance speech.

For a few moments there you could feel the raw emotion in her as she nearly burst into tears andJack tried to console her. Blonde was gutted. It cut deep.

Sidebar:

Yes Aaron has a son named Robin but he’s 9 years old and other than the name cleverly used for gentle cover of the truth in case damage control is ever needed~ there is no connection to that child or a secret, no showmanship to cover it up or anything that would make Taylor react as she did. Other than his name there is no connection to the words in the song

But the fact that Levi’s birth was announced during the Grammys absolutely does connect.

So I’ll just put a pin in that and move on.

Listening to that ballad yesterday rocked my entire world . It was so soft, gentle and living. So heart wrenching that I just let my emotions flow through me as my mind wandered back gathering and processing all the previous rumors and lore I had heard along the way. It left me rattled as it tumbled through memories. Could it all have been true?

So now I’m just gonna say it out loud running the risk of being attacked and also sounding like a supermarket tabloid…here goes “could Levi be Karlie’s and Taylor’s child?”

I know it sounds crazy…secret love child but …

I’m not trying to out anyone and I want to respect the fact that a child is involved here. Honestly I had second and third thoughts about posting this but if I’m being real ~ it’s also a collective of things that have been shared openly about Taylor and Karlie here for years. Somehow the song was like a puzzle piece that snapped into place.

…those loving words ,the emotion in Taylor‘s voice as she sings about her strong heartfelt attachment to a young toddler, as she encourages him in being wild and free in his wonder years, playing with abandon and roaring at the dinosaurs~

There was real love in those words

.

.

Looking out his window over his kingdom (NYC) and speaking gibberish

She also advocates for him keeping his innocence for as long as possible and then speaks of a secret that a inner circle of people have chosen to keep from him” in sweetness” to protect him and the “showmanship” to cover up that secret that he has no idea of.

And as she watches his unabashed play in his toddler purity she prophesies there will come a time in the future when the world he faces will have harsh words for him and she reminds him that he will bounce back like he now does on his trampoline.

“ and you have no idea

Buried down deep and out of your reach

the secret we all vowed

to keep it from you in sweetness

strings tied to levers

slowed down clocks tethers

all the showman ship

to keep it from you in sweetness

way to go, tiger

I’m not crying , you are and Levi looks just like his mommy 🤍

.

Let’s keep this in the family ✌️🤍🏳️‍🌈

God I love this show .

Stay tuned for next season

[thegettingbyp2]

Hiii ! I actually have a request / idea ✨ what if, for whatever reasons, Reader was with five during apocalypse of 2019 when they was teen and over the years, reader met the handler of the commission and she told her she will take care of five but send her back home but on the wrong timeline. So she’s not an umbrella anymore but a sparrow.

So when five and the other arrive at the sparrow academy, they find Reader with the others. And she’s happy to see all of them again but of course get closer to five during Luther and Sloane wedding.

Just an idea, it don’t have to be exactly like that

If they get drunk during the wedding, a smut could be nice🙈

I Knew I'd Find You Again

A/N: Hi, I haven't gone for a fully smutty piece but I do just want to make sure that everyone knows that all of my Five fics, he's aged UP (I've been thinking along the lines of 23 upwards)

Time seemed to stop as you stared at the familiar group of people standing in front of you; a group of people you never thought you’d see again. Years ago, you’d resigned yourself to the fact that you’d never see The Umbrella Academy again, after the Handler lied to you and sent you to the wrong timeline. You’d tried everything to get yourself back to your original timeline but nothing had worked and you ended up joining The Sparrow Academy; needing somewhere you wouldn’t be marvelled at for your powers.

‘Klaus?’ you called out, not quite believing that he was standing in front of you again.

‘It’s our (Y/N)!’ Klaus exclaimed, rushing towards you and enveloping you in a tight hug that had you wrapping your arms around him equally as tight. You took comfort in the fact that Klaus hadn’t seemed to change one bit; he was still the eccentric character you knew and loved. ��Thank God it’s you, because this Ben, we thought was our Ben. He is not our Benarino,’ he said, making you laugh lightly.

‘He’s okay once you get to know him,’ you said, smiling up at him brightly before turning your gaze to the rest of the group, trying not to focus on the fact that you were looking for one face in particular.

‘(Y/N)?’ an all too familiar voice came from behind Luther. Tears filled your eyes as you saw Five step around him into your eyeline, a hopeful expression on his face that you were pretty sure matched the expression on yours.

‘Five,’ you sighed happily, letting your feet take you across the room until you crashed into him, both of your arms wrapping around each other. The moment you were engulfed in his scent, you felt your whole body relax into him, relief filling your body as the tears that had been threatening to spill finally tracked down your cheeks as you buried your head in his neck.

Five Hargreeves was the love of your life; always had been and always will be. When The Handler found the two of you in the apocalypse, the only thing Five wanted was for you to safe, for you both to be sent to your original timeline. Smirking, she had promised that Five would be following straight behind you but the second your feet touched down on the pavement outside the academy, only to see a Sparrow instead of an Umbrella on the gates, you felt your heart sink. You were no longer in the apocalypse but you knew that Five wouldn’t be following behind you, that you’d been tricked.

You were the love of Five Hargreeves’ life; always had been and always will be. The second you disappeared from his sight, he knew that he shouldn’t have trusted The Handler so quickly, but the only thing that registered in his mind was the fact that she was going to make sure that you were somewhere safe. He tried everything to find you, but The Handler had found a way to hide you in a timeline, ensuring that he wouldn’t find you. After a couple of years, Five finally resigned himself to the fact that he’d never see you, hold you again, only taking comfort in the fact that you were safe somewhere.

‘I never thought I’d see you again,’ you whispered through your tears into his neck, holding onto him tighter.

‘You’re here,’ Five sighed, one of his hands travelling to cup the back of your head, holding you against him.

It wasn’t until you heard Luther clearing his throat that you remembered the two of you were surrounded by the Umbrella’s and Sparrows. Slowly and reluctantly pulling away, you stepped away from him, not getting too far when you felt Five twist his hand in yours. ‘Fancy catching us up on what’s going on?’ Luther asked, directing his question at you as he gestured to your second family standing behind you.

---

It had been a few months since the Umbrellas had ended up in your new timeline and you’d been trying to spend as much of that time with Five, trying to make up for the past six years you’d spent apart. However, unfortunately, staying in hotel rooms with the rest of the Umbrellas meant that there was pretty much no time where you and Five found yourself alone.

It wasn’t until Luther and Sloane’s wedding that the two of you were able to find some time. Everyone was dancing and your eyes roamed the room until they snagged on the sight of Five sitting at a table alone, nursing a drink. Smiling softly to yourself, you made your way over to him. ‘Mind if I sit here?’

‘Always,’ he replied, grinning lazily up at you and gesturing to the seat next to him. ‘In fact, you’re the only person who never has to ask.’

You slowly lowered yourself into the seat, not failing to notice the way Five’s eyes remained on you the whole time. ‘So, what are you doing sitting here on your own?’ you asked, leaning into him slightly.

‘I’m not one for dancing, you should remember that,’ he replied, tipping his drink towards you before necking it and placing the glass back down on the table.

‘You’ve not changed then,’ you teased, smiling at him.

‘Oh I’ve changed,’ he said, pouring himself another shot. ‘I’ve had to live the past few years without you, of course it’s changed me,’ he said, a sadness tinging his voice that had your heart clenching in your chest.

Reaching out, you gently took the glass from his hand, setting it back down on the table away from him. He gave you a sad half smile before twining his fingers with yours, bringing it up to his lips to press a gentle kiss on the back of your hand, his eyes never leaving yours. ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ you whispered.

Instead of replying, Five leaned in to gently press his lips against yours. Instantly, you sighed into the kiss, bring your hand up to cup his cheek as you felt his tongue sweep across your bottom lip. Leaning further into him, you let him deepen the kiss until a whimper escaped you, causing him to pull away, resting his forehead against yours. ‘You know, these guys are going to be preoccupied for the next few hours, at least,’ he started, his voice raspy.

‘Oh yeah?’ you asked, smirking, knowing where this was heading. ‘Plenty of things we could do in a few hours.’

Chuckling softly, Five drew you one more bruising kiss. ‘We should probably use this time wisely then.’

[angelic-ambedo]

The Weirdest Fucking Movies I've Ever seen Pt. 1

Okay so I sort of champion myself as a lover of weird movies. And it's funny because regardless of how many I've seen, every time I watch a weird movie I genuinely feel as if it is the weirdest movie I've ever seen in my life.

So, I decided to make a list which compiles all of said weird movies and then a description of why I find each so uniquely weird. If you find any of these descriptions or titles intriguing, I recommend you seek these movies out, because a weird movie = a good life ya know so yeah

If you have more weird movies please please recommend them im hungry for new crazy cinema bebesssss

Eraserhead (1977) - genuinely makes no sense.

Coherence (2013) - trippy scientifically interesting thriller

Some Velvet Morning (2013) - abusive cat n mouse relationship

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) - emotional violence

Greener Grass (2019) - let's shame suburbia!

Trash Humpers (2009) - people fucking the trash...?

Julien Donkey-Boy (1999) - mental illness be so sad and trippy

Gummo (1997) - literal photo album of a dysfunctional town

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006) - bulimia PSA in disguise

Black Bear (2020) - art seeps into the "real" world

Begotten (1990) - god kills himself

Trouble Every Day (2001) - eating people presented as...a turn on?

Baise-Moi (2000) - punk feminist murderous women are sick and society sux

Palindromes (2004) - one character is played by a ton of different actors of different ages, races, and sexes

964 Pinocchio (1991) - so much vomit, even more cyberpunk lobotomy sex machine madness

Meet the Feebles (1989) - the muppets give each other STDs and commit mass murder

In the Realm of the Senses (1976) - a torrid, pornographic affair used to escape the horrors of a war-torn world

Enter the Void (2009) - going to the past, present, and future, POV shots that include blinking, going inside the body, taboo themes with a psychedelic style

Love (2015) - horny pseudo-porno about a misogynistic asshole who somehow pulls hot, sexually adventurous women

Climax (2018) - LSD fueled nightmare

Pink Flamingos (1972) - a competition to be the "filthiest person alive" (spoiler alert: the cool drag queen wins)

Vivarium (2019) - Suburbia is still creepy, guys

Be My Cat: A Film for Anne (2015) - can we please stop having erotomania like celebrities aren't into u babe :(

No No Nooky TV (1987) - Computers being cool and saying "boobs" and "clit"

The Piano Teacher (2001) - unsafe nonconsensual bdsm and sexual repression is...no. please no.

The Night Porter (1974) - stockholm syndrome and wild bdsm stuff with postwar themes

Belle de Jour (1967) - more bdsm themes

Titane (2021) - woman fucks a car and gets pregnant

Daisies (1966) - two girls cut up pickles and destroy the patriarchy

Creep 1 and 2 (2014, 2017) - murder has never been this funny

Garbanzo Gas (2007) - a human cow gets an all-expenses paid trip to a motel before it hits the slaughterhouse

Melancholie der Engel (2009) - ew.

In Our Garden (2002) - old men dicks + weirdest dialogue I've ever heard in my life

The Rehearsal (TV series) (2022) - this is the ultimate weirdest thing ever and I don't know how else to categorize it.

Trigger Warnings (all of these movies are weird/fucked up but some of them contain actual fucked up stuff that like. happened in real life. so below are the triggers for that kind of stuff. All of these films are genuine films, not the gore stuff the internet produces, but some of them because of the country/time period/transgressiveness include content that is inappropriate and/or ethically unacceptable, so I've included those movies below)

Baise-Moi - unsimulated sex scenes which includes SA scenes that actors consented to but characters did not. this proves a feminist point but is still incredibly upsetting and stayed with me for a while as there are close ups and its awful.

In the Realm of the Senses - Please look into this one more before you watch it, I'm not going to describe things in detail because it makes me so uncomfortable but there are some scenes that involve young actors that should not ethically have been in the situations they were put in. The movie is exceptionally well made and from what I know globally respected so I don't know why they had to ruin it for me but whatever.

Pink Flamingos - One infamous scene involves an actual chicken death. It was the early 70s (long time ago and no PETA) and they apparently ate the chicken afterward, so I felt less immoral about this one but still gross.

Melancholie der Engel - okay please genuinely never watch this movie unless you're super into traumatizing yourself and are very desensitized I guess. There's a ton of actual animal abuse in very very graphic/unnecessarily disturbing shock type situations. There's other bad unsimulated stuff but this is the worst of it from what I know.

Love and Meet the Feebles contain scenes that are transphobic and/or racist, which is gross. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls was made by a very bad person. A bunch of the movies also have unsimulated sex stuff, I don't know if that makes anyone uncomfortable but if it does I'm just putting it out there.

[hermiona52]

I can't stop thinking about the recent cases of horrible abuse of women in France, South Korea, Uganda and India, so this fragment of Pauline Harmange's "I Hate Men", about why misandry is actually a healthy and reasonable response, is always on my mind:

If misandry is a characteristic of someone who hates men, and misogyny that of someone who hates women, it has to be conceded that in reality, the two concepts are not equal, either in terms of the dangers posed to their targets or the means used to express them. Misandry and misogyny cannot be compared, quite simply because the former exists only in reaction to the latter.

You’d literally have to have never looked beyond the end of your nose –or alternatively to be possessed of exceptional bad faith – to deny point blank that the violence women suffer is, in the huge majority of cases, perpetrated by men. This isn’t a matter of opinion, it’s a fact. The reason society is patriarchal is because there are men who use their male privilege to the detriment of the other half of the population. Some of this violence is insidious, background noise in the daily lives of women, so pernicious that we grow up with the impression that it’s the norm in male/female relationships. Other kinds of violence are so shocking that they make the headlines in national newspapers.

In 2017 in France, 90 per cent of the people who received death threats from their partners were women, while 86 per cent of those murdered by their partner or ex-partner were also women. Of the sixteen women who killed their partner, at least eleven, that is, 69 per cent of them, had themselves been victims of domestic violence. In 2019, 149 women were murdered by their partner or their former partner. In 2018, 96 per cent of those who received a prison sentence for domestic violence were men, and 99 per cent of those sentenced for sexual violence were men.

It’s not only women who are the victims of sexual attacks and rape, though it’s hard to find statistics of sexual attacks on men. There’s an enormous taboo when it comes to talking about sexual violence perpetrated against men, who suffer the full force of sexist stereotypes that imply that aman cannot be raped, since supposedly they’re always up for sex. It’s also very difficult for men to talk about sexual trauma. Society expects them to be strong and virile: nothing can be forced on them – and if it is, they aren’t ’real’ men.

A significant number of rapes are committed against minors, both male and female, and here too, the perpetrators are overwhelmingly men. In fact, whatever the sex or age of the victim of sexual harassment or violence– whether male or female, child or adult – it is vital to emphasise that the vast majority of those responsible for such violence are men.

[...] There are plenty of reasons to dislike men, if you think about it. Reasons backed up by facts. Why do men hate women? During the thousands of years that men have benefited from their dominant social position, what did we do – what have we done – to deserve their violence?

Misandry has a target, but it doesn’t have a list of victims whose morbid tally is totted up on almost a daily basis. We don’t injure or kill men, we don’t prevent them from getting a job or following whatever their passion is, or dressing as they wish, or walking down the street after dark, or expressing themselves however they see fit. And when someone does give themselves the right to impose such things on men, that person is always a man, and it still falls within the heteropatriarchal system

We misandrists stay in our lane. We might hate men, but at best we put up with them, frostily, because they’re everywhere and we don’t have any choice (incredible but true: it’s possible to hate someone without having an irrepressible urge to kill them). At worst we stop inviting them into our lives – or at least we make a drastic selection beforehand. Our misandry scares men, because it’s the sign that they’re going to have to start meriting our attention. Having relationships with men isn’t something we owe them,a duty, but, as in every balanced relationship, all the parties involved have to make an effort to treat one another with respect.

As long as there are misogynistic men who don’t give a damn, and a culture that condones and encourages them, there will be women who are so fed up they refuse to bear the brunt of exhausting or toxic relationships.

[butcharium]

The greatest difference in how I've been treated as a butch woman has however not been based on my context of space, but rather that of time. And unfortunately that development has been for the worse in my experience, where the last few years I've very much experienced an increase of situations and confrontations for being butch over the past few years. I would say my personal ideal was back in like 2017-2019 maybe where I felt the most acceptence in compination of people minding their own business.

I don't remember meeting much pushback at all actually growing up a tomboy in the 00's and ealry 10's, like a bit less gay acceptance clearly hence why i see it being better later, but I did experience support and understanding from adults around me. And while I was a social outcast at school, the tomboy-then-butch 3 years above me was really generally regarded as cool and popular. Certainly people could have had their thoughts, but personally I didn't experience them being voiced to me at least. But now I feel people speak to me where they in past might have thought the same but in that case knew to not voice it to my face, I am put more into question, both by heterosexuals, but also from other lgbt-people, and all because people feel entitled to know my deal (even when there isn't a deal like they think there is).

Looking at my younger cousins I do think I get it though. I constantly mess up how old the girls are, especially one of them bc she looks so much older than what I and my peers looked like at 13. There's just so much more makeup, so much more femininity, it all seem so much stricter than when I was her age, I really really feel like the gender roles are getting narrower (and maybe people are getting more conforming?) When I grew up I was clearly an outlier, but really not that far from the continuum of how the other girls looked and dressed. And while I have taken the last two stops or so on the butch train as I've matured from a tomboy into a butch adult, I feel like the accepted continuum for women have become stricter so that while I have stayed almost the same, I have still become far more of an outlier than what I used to be just 4 years ago. And along the way people now clearly expect less backlash for putting others under such scrutiny, or they wouldn't feel so emboldend.

[fae-morrigan]

I Read Bendis So You Don't Have To: The Famed Jon Kent Age Up

Hi! I'm Milas. I've read more Bendis Superman than is probably healthy.

No matter if you liked the age up or not, most fans are in agreement: this run was bad. Pretty dang bad. And I agree- this run is often hard to parse through all the... er, bendisisms, and often mangles what little themes it has through poor storytelling and lackluster use of page real estate. However, I unfortunately have become an expert on this particular story due to how many times I reference it in analysis, and I do not wish my suffering upon anyone else. So, to spare us all from said suffering while writing meta, I encourage Jon fans, from whichever corner of his fandom you come from, to use and link to this series as shorthand if you so need to.

This installment will be going, objectively as possible, beat by beat through the actual events of the famed 2019 Jon Kent age up.

Issues covered are Superman (2018) issues 7-10, as well as briefly covering the events of Super-Sons of Tomorrow (all issues) and The Man of Steel (issue 6).

Before we can get to the actual mainline Superman run where this event occurred, we should real quick go through the events leading up to this.

In Super-Sons of Tomorrow, Jon is confronted by Savior, an evil version of Tim Drake from a future where Jon accidentally causes a massive loss of civilian life via an explosion of his powers. Savior is travelling from back in time to try and prevent this from occurring by killing Jon, therefore stopping the catastrophe. This causes infighting amongst the Teen Titans, even more fighting with people from this alternate future timeline, and concludes with a vote being held to decide if Jon is welcome amongst the Teen Titans. The vote decides no, Jon will not be admitted onto the team.

Though the Teen Titans tell Jon that this is because the events of the book gave them a lot to think about and work out, this is not what Jon takes away from it.

In Man of Steel, Jor-El shows up and invites Jon out to space with him. This is meant to be a journey where Jon will be able to learn things that Clark has "neglected" to teach him, as well as connecting with his Kryptonian heritage.

Clark and Lois are vehemently against this at first. Clark, especially, does not change his mind on this being a bad idea, even after Jon leaves.

However, the reason Jon goes is because, in his own words, he feels like there is something wrong with him.

This is a feeling, that, in text, Jon feels specifically sparked on by the events of Super Sons of Tomorrow. Feeling lost, and like he needs to explore himself, Jon (and Lois, who does not want to leave her son unattended, and intends to write a book about the experience) join Jor El in space.

(I highly do recommend you all read Man of Steel, because it's about as close as Bendis gets to writing genuinely well in this whole collection of books, and I can only screencap so much of the sheer amount of discussion that happens between the three Kents about Jon going on spacecation. Trust me, they didn't just shoo Jon off! They talked about it for what in comic time was AGES.)

This is where we get to issue 7 of Superman, where Jon returns from his vacation... as a seventeen year old.

As Jon himself says, he didn't get aged up magically- He lived those years. So, what actually did happen to him while he was out there? What happened during those six-to-seven years (depending on who you ask)?

First: What happens to make Lois leave?

The House of El suit Clark lends her to keep her safe makes her a target, a target that puts her in active danger (in exact opposition to what Clark intended), and so for her own safety she departs.

Leaving Jon alone with his grandfather. Who, as Jon says, has gone completely insane.

The nature of Jor El's insanity is revealed in the next issue, issue eight, as we reach what I and friends call the Jor El Nihilism Speech:

Jon follows Jor El's line of thinking for most of the conversation- He understands what it feels like to not belong in the story, because that fear of being somehow wrong was what brought him out here in the first place. Jor El, Jon Kent, both men outside of time, outside of belonging. Neither should exist. But Jor El takes it to a conclusion Jon doesn't accept: That it's a hopeless existence.

This makes Jon want to go home. Concluding Jor El has utterly lost it, he decides he needs to make a break for it somehow. Because of how far from Earth they are, he can't just fly off, so he attempts to get some help from some Green Lanterns:

It doesn't go well. At this point, Jor El stops speaking to Jon for awhile, and they spend... an indeterminate amount of time fighting through the galaxy, trying to solve people's problems. While not talking to each other. At all.

But when Jor El finally does try and talk to Jon....

Well. Here's the part you're probably reading this post for:

Yay! Its volcano time! An unexpected black hole throws Jon (and Jor, but we'll get to him later) through dimensions, landing him on Earth-3. At the feet of the Crime Syndicate.

If you're going to read ANY issue for yourself, I recommend it to be this one. The Ultraman stuff is not only perpetually relevant to Jon's story, its LIKELY going to be relevant again when Absolute Power: Super Son releases. Ultraman is the one member of the Syndicate who claims Jon as 'his':

And proceeds to imprison Jon in a volcano. As I am sure all of you know by now. The Volcano.

Ultraman and Jon trade some conversation back and forth, establish who each of them are, before Ultraman tells Jon he is never going home, and that this is home now:

It becomes quickly apparent that due to the lack of sun, Jon has no protection, no way of escape. He tries to fly out, but no dice:

And so stuck he is. For multiple years. With nothing but pigs to feed on, stuck with a monster who intends to 'train' him to his full potential:

But eventually, Jon escapes. He takes a rock, bangs a hole in the side of the Volcano, and gets himself out, relying on what little he has left of his invulnerability.

Now is a good time to mention a small misconception I see peddled around a lot: There is actually significant evidence pointing to the idea that Jon did NOT spend all six years in the volcano. After wandering Earth 3 for an indeterminate awhile, going from city to city and stopping to help people along the way, there is a strong suggestion by the way Bendis frames it that this was also years. I'd personally estimate Jon's time on Earth 3 was about half and half- Three ish years of the volcano, three ish years of surviving out in the wild. Anyways, Jon finds his way to the Syndicate's headquarters, encountering an evil version of Lois who tries to attack him. But surprise! Onto issue 9, we finally get to Jon's rescue!

Jor El was also displaced in the multiverse, of course- But we have no idea for how long, where, and what he did during this time. All we know is this: Jon wasn't just thrown across space and time, he was thrown backwards.

I think this is where the source of the most misconceptions come from: Its complicated to grasp! But very simply, the reason why Jon was able to live six years while everyone else stayed the same age was because he wasn't just thrown TO Earth-3, he was thrown backwards as well. Here's a chart I made about a year ago to try and visualize it:

If you're wondering how Jor El found him... we actually don't know. All we know is Jor El apparently made some fucked up arrangements in order to accomplish it.

And that kind of brings us back to the beginning, where Clark and Jon reunite. There are still a lot of unanswered questions, namely how Jor El managed to get Jon back in the first place, but this is essentially the rundown of the age up. So to recap very quickly: 1. No, Jon was not magically aged up. He lived those years. Its spacetime travel, not just space travel. He is mentally 17-18. 2. No, Clois didn't just 'let him go' with no conflict. It was actually a huge argument that ended up also really mentally fucking with Clark in later arcs. He goes to therapy with Khalid Nassour about it! 3. Jor El has a lot more to do with all this than he reasonably should. I could explain why he's alive but it would give us both an aneurysm- Just know in this story, he kind of serves as a foil to Jon.

Now, why did Bendis write the age up? Here's a post by a friend that gets into the metatextual reasons why this was a thing.

[scarletcomalies]

bigger than the whole sky

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word count: 5,438

Warnings: Angst, unspecified legal age gap. This is pretty much about Natasha being mourned over and remembered as she deserves. What better day to post than on her birthday?

On December 3rd, you recalled all the wonderful memories you had created with your partner.

June 18th, 2019

Half of humanity was gone.

Each day, you woke up to a world where the sun shone as brightly as ever, permitting the shadow of loss to darken every corner of the souls of the survivors of the Thanos blip. The familiar warmth faded, replaced by only a deep melancholy at the memory of what everyday life used to be. In the blink of an eye, your loved ones vanished, leaving you with the agony of their absence.

You were lost and desolate. You longed deeply to experience just a glimpse of everything you once took for granted, like calling your mother after a long day, hearing the murmurs of people at the coffee shop, or receiving a funny video from your best friend. Just something...

But nothing.

Word of mouth, you heard about a support group that Steve Rogers was leading. The world had become so vast, that breathing the same air as Captain America, with the Black Widow at your side, was no longer an unthinkable madness that would happen only in the most delusional mind. It was a reality.

There you were, realizing that you also had something in common with heroes of international stature. When they weren't all over the news, fighting right-handed in their intimidating suits, they were simply human beings who also wanted to be heard from time to time. They too had a right to break down.

"I..." you looked up, once it was your turn to speak. All eyes were looking at you expectantly, and Natasha Romanoff's eyes on you made your task more difficult. "Well, the barista at the coffee shop I go to informed me about this, uhm.... I'm (Y/N)."

"Hi, (Y/N)," those present responded in unison. The raspy voice of the woman next to you somehow resonated more in your ears than any other. What a woman. Not for nothing had you become interested in the news, only to see her fight so bravely. You always considered her a beautiful woman, and above all, a powerful one.

The only three friends you had always teased you about your crush on the Black Widow. And this alone made you feel worse. They would have loved to see you all flushed and nervous like you were at that moment.

"I remember hating crowds. People rushing around at all hours, often pushing and shoving," you began, looking down at the ground as you fiddled with your hands. "I hated the voices. Sometimes it was so loud that, between them all, they sounded like a swarm of angry bees," some had the strength to only half-smile at your silly analogy, others were unfazed.

Natasha's resilience turned out to be greater than you imagined, she demonstrated it on multiple occasions, but you experienced it live and in full color when she specifically let out a distinguished laugh. It echoed throughout the room, you could hear it loud and clear.

"I know, it was annoying." you said softly, directing your first words specifically towards the redhead, who by the way had a bit of blonde on the ends of her hair, indicating that the dye was fading. It looked beautiful on her. "Anyway," you redirected your attention to the others again. "I know a lot of people here hated that noise. We'd put on headphones so we didn't have to listen to anyone," you continued, and earned a nod of agreement from everyone present. "Well, now, I put my headphones on and play audio of people talking. I never thought I'd miss this, or that I'd miss being constantly pushed around, the voice of an annoying customer I have to deal with at work. Besides, everything is slowing down, nobody lives in a hurry anymore, and... well, I think you understand," you let out a nervous chuckle. You had no intention of rambling on too much about it, or you were never going to stop.

"Thanks for sharing," Steve said, giving you a small smile, that smile where he pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows.

Once the meeting was over, you let out a small sigh, grabbed your stuff and headed for the exit.

A voice stopped you as you stood on the other side of the door, causing you to turn and meet again those green eyes that looked so much more beautiful in person. Neither magazine pictures nor news cameras could capture that wonderful pair.

"I just wanted to ask you, if it's not too invasive," she spoke, as soon as you turned around. "Do you have anyone to talk to? Outside of this group, I mean."

"Anyone close? No," you answered honestly. It was the truth. Being highly selective had its consequences, as you were unlucky enough to lose your very few close loved ones; your three best friends, your mother, your aunt and your grandfather. Some family members, previous friends and even exes with whom you cut ties tried to reconnect, but the phrase 'better alone than in bad company' never applied better than in this case. "But if you're talking in general terms, even the person in line at the supermarket can be your confidant and support. You can imagine what it's like."

"I know," she agreed, and thought for a moment before adding, "In supermarkets, products expire before anyone buys them, but it's a good thing, it's an excuse to buy more snacks so they don't go to waste."

You let out a laugh. A full, genuine laugh, and wow... it was the first time in the last year that someone had made you laugh like that. It was a silly joke, yes, but in the midst of so much monotony, the spontaneity was a gift she gave you.

December 3rd, 2023

"You were in fact the only person who made me laugh," you barely managed to formulate the last words before you burst into tears for the fifth time.

Natasha would be turning 39. You both knew that aging was anything but a bad thing, yet she enjoyed ironically saying that she was getting old, even if it was far from the truth. She had no childhood, no adolescence. The concept of old age seemed the most comforting to her.

You forced yourself to take a deep breath, and to swallow your tears. You were talking to a piece of marble with her name carved on it, and you knew that meters underneath there wasn't even a body to mourn over, but you had to let it all out one way or another.

"Happy 39th birthday, my love," you whispered, smiling faintly. "I guess your wish came true. You stayed 38 forever."

December 3rd, 2020

"Oh, my wish is to stay 36 forever!" Natasha exclaimed, with a broad smile, and then blew out the candles on the mini cake you had bought her.

You laughed along with her.

Laughing seemed impossible until she showed up a year and a half ago in your life at that support group. Now laughing seemed as easy as breathing.

You wondered if, somehow, you would have met Natasha. She was a very famous woman, unattainable to everyone including you. The possibility of having lived a life without her terrified you, so much so that it was the first time you were actually grateful that the blip had happened, because it made it possible for her to be sitting on the couch next to you, spending her birthday morning with you after making her her favorite breakfast.

"Oh, come on, Nat," you laughed, as you placed the cake on the coffee table, and started pouring the wine. "You age like this fine wine. I imagine how divine you'll look in your 40s, in your 50s... don't take that away from me," you spoke seriously, as if the candles really did have the power to fulfill her wishes.

She laughed loudly, and took the glass of wine you gave her, "38 is the most I'm willing to age. It is my final offer."

You rolled your eyes playfully, and raised your glass, "Very well. To your penultimate year of aging. Cheers!"

The rest of the morning, and part of the afternoon was spent lazying on the couch, marathoning romantic comedies from the 90s and early 2000s.

Until the clock struck 5:00 p.m., it was one hour before Natasha's adoptive parents arrived, and the nervousness was starting to hit you.

"My love, it's time to get off the couch and get ready," you spoke, pausing the Julia Roberts movie 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

"Ughhhh!" She protested, covering herself up to her head with the blanket resting on top of you both. Said blanket was perhaps twice the size of the two of you, and perhaps three times as heavy. It was the best weapon against the December cold.

"Nat, I don't want your parents to find us in penguin pajamas and ugly sweaters," you laughed, shaking her gently. "I want to make a good first impression. Come on!"

"You're overthinking," she replied, resting her head in your lap, under the blanket. "They won't mind your outfit, and believe me, they'll love you."

You sighed lightly.

"I hope so," you replied, scratching her hair with your fingertips. "I'm much younger than you, and I don't want them to think I'm immature, or..."

"Alexei still insists on wearing his superhero costume, even though it looks tiny on him," Natasha interrupted you, before your head wandered. "Maturity is something that doesn't exist in my family, you take it easy."

You laughed a little, and that little anecdote was enough to give you significant relief. If Natasha said you'd be fine, then it was true.

The redhead was somewhat reserved when it came to her family.

You understood that she wanted to be sure that it was going to be something long and meaningful before she let you into that sacred side of her life, so it wasn't a year and a half after you met her that you finally would get to know the famous Melina and Alexei. You felt more than privileged to know that your relationship with her had already reached that point.

She also always mentioned her little sister Yelena, whom she had lost to the blip. You wished you could have met that other brave soul who destroyed Dreykov and his entire twisted organization, saving thousands of girls and women around the world.

"Well..." she said, suddenly getting up from your lap, as she pulled back the blanket. Afterwards, she planted a quick kiss on your lips. "I need a few minutes to mentally prepare myself and get out of here. Get in the shower and then I'll join you."

Within forty-five minutes, both of you were fully dressed and ready to welcome Melina and Alexei to Natasha's apartment.

The table was set with a white tablecloth, four plates with their respective cutlery and glasses. In the middle was the previously started wine and a bottle of soda that was a little wet, as it had just been taken out of the fridge five minutes before. The older woman's parents would bring takeout dinner and cake, so the table was ready just to serve the food and eat.

Punctually, at 6:00 p.m., you heard the doorbell ring.

You took a deep breath, and together with Natasha, you headed for the door.

Naturally, she was the first to greet them and pull them into a heartwarming embrace, which was somewhat clumsy because it was obstaclized by the bags of food in Melina's hands and the box of cake in Alexei's right arm. You stood there, watching the scene feeling both tenderness and nervousness, because your girlfriend's parents were finally standing in front of you.

The redhead took the cake and a bag of food, and with her head pointed in your direction, "This is (Y/N), (Y/N), this is Melina and Alexei."

With a gentle smile, you waved at them, "It's very nice to meet you, Miss Vostokoff, and Mister Shostakov."

"Oh, let's drop the formalities, c'mere!" Alexei exclaimed, and held out his arms to wrap you in a tight embrace.

You let out a giggle, and accepted his offer. He squeezed you and you let out a playful groan of complaint. Melina, laughing as you did, hugged you once the man released you, however, she was gentler and briefer, concluding it with a rub on your back.

"Please call us by our names," she spoke. "Natasha has talked so much about you that you're not even a stranger. So we don't want to be strangers to you either."

You looked at Natasha, and she smiled broadly, having also enjoyed the scene at your first meeting with her parents.

"Very well," you chuckled. "Please, let me help you with this," you offered, pointing to the single bag she was carrying.

"Oh, thank you," she agreed, passing you the bag.

You and Natasha placed the two bags on the table, and the cake on the kitchen counter.

"Beer?" Natasha offered to Alexei.

"Oh, please!" he exclaimed, sitting down on one of the chairs next to Melina. Across from both of them, Natasha and you would sit.

You heard the sound of two bottles being uncorked, and Natasha was the last to join the table, handing one bottle to Alexei and both of them toasting and then taking a big sip.

The dinner went wonderfully.

Natasha was right, her parents were easy-going and funny, each in their own way. Alexei always had a joke on the tip of his tongue, and Melina, though calmer than him, laughed lightly and added to the joke just to make you all laugh. At the end of the evening, when they bid their fond farewells, you completely forgot how nervous you felt a few hours earlier. They were enchanted with you and the feeling was mutual.

A small meow was heard about a minute after Natasha's parents left, and she stepped forward, opening the window to reveal the black cat sitting on the stairs. Liho always wandered around her building, but Natasha's floor was her favorite due to the redhead always giving her food and treats. She was a very easy cat to love, and it didn't take long for her to grow on Natasha, so she was unofficially adopted by her.

"Sorry, Liho," she said, caressing behind her ears. "You were late. There will be no food for the unpunctual."

"Hey, don't be mean," you teased, reaching up to stroke the cat's cheek. She happily bowed her head, receiving your affection.

"I'm kidding," she let out a giggle, and headed for the kitchen. From there, she pulled out one of the cans of cat tuna she always bought for the feline. Once she placed it in a plate on the floor, the cat ran in her direction and didn't hesitate to devour the dish, making you both laugh. "Oh, thank you so much for coming to visit me for my birthday, little one. You're adorable."

You walked in Natasha's direction, and wrapped your arms around her waist. One thing you loved about her was that, no matter by what kind of physical contact you manifested your love for her, the older woman always seemed to melt at your touch.

"Stay another night," she whispered, entwining your hands in hers and then kissing them.

It was the fifth night in a row she had said that to you. No problem, though, it wasn't the first time it had happened, so you prepared yourself beforehand and packed more clothes to stay with her as long as you both wanted.

"Yes, I have another change of clothes..." you replied. "I think at this point, I'll have more clothes here than at home."

She turned to meet your gaze, and glanced at your lips briefly to lean in and kiss you gently. You, likewise, melted at any action of your girlfriend, and the taste of her lips never failed to delight you immensely.

"Move in with me," she was quick to say, resting her forehead against yours. "Let's find a nice house, let's officially adopt Liho, hell, let's adopt a kid when we're ready. I want everything with you."

December 3rd, 2023

"Did you enjoy your time with Grandma Melina?" You asked the little girl walking beside you in the direction of the car.

"Very much! She taught me some fighting techniques, and then we tried them on Grandpa Alexei," she replied, and you laughed at her statement. "He went down like a sack of potatoes."

Alissa Grace Romanoff.

A girl you and Natasha adopted when she was four years old. Now, at six, you were increasingly amazed at how smart, strong and determined she was, showing an interest in being like her mother but also possessing an artistic sensitive side.

"Did you leave my drawing with mom?" She asked, once you placed her in the back seat of the car and buckled her in.

The little girl remembered Natasha fondly, and longed for her with all her heart. Fortunately, she was at an age where she was more likely to remember more, and you would keep her memory alive in her mind.

You and Natasha worked hard to give her the best memories, so that her childhood was something she looked back on with fondness and happiness, unlike your girlfriend, who couldn't do the same and always avoided to think in the slighest about the matter.

"Of course I did, I left her your drawing and the beautiful flowers you suggested," you confirmed, kissing her small forehead and then heading to the driver's seat.

You needed some time alone in the cemetery every time you visited your girlfriend, even more so on this day. On the one visit where you took your daughter, you broke down to such an extent that she ended up crying a lot more than she initially was.

Knowing that holding back wasn't the best way to go, you preferred to go alone and vent properly. It hadn't even been two months since October 16th, so there were still times when you cried to the point where you couldn't get up from the floor. And when you finally did, your eyes were so swollen that you had to go home and wash your face so that they would look better so as not to worry the little girl.

Melina and Alexei insisted that you visit Natasha first, and as always, they were more than happy to spend time with their granddaughter. Since you got up early, knowing that you would take your sweet time, you returned early as well, so that they would also have their space on this day to visit their beloved daughter.

The day passed quietly.

You bought some lunch, and both of you ate while watching 'Tangled' for the thousandth time, but this movie ended up being background noise, as your daughter continued to tell you about how Merlina did her combat technique demonstrations and Alexei was the 'brave volunteer' who would attack her, even if he wasn't volunteering or brave at all.

At 5 p.m., you sat next to Alissa at the coffee table in the living room, and opened her maths book. She had an assignment to complete a page of two-digit addition problems, and although it was due on Friday, she was always allowed to do it on Sunday afternoons.

You preferred her to do it as soon as possible so she could spent the whole weekend freely with no pending homework, but well, the habit of leaving it until last minute stuck with you because Natasha was a little bit of a softie.

October 30th, 2022

You heard the loud sound of falling metal, causing you to startle and wake up in alarm.

Natasha was not in your bed, and that increased your concern. Maybe it was a thief, a spy, an enemy of Natasha's who broke into the house...

But when you ran to see the source of the sound, you found Natasha in the kitchen, and Alissa sitting at the counter. They both looked in your direction, and smiled innocently.

"We didn't mean to wake you, detka," Natasha spoke, and you noticed the silver bowl in the dishwasher, the one that previously fell and woke you up, nearly giving you a heart attack.

"Oh, what's wrong?" You asked, your eyes half open. The clock on the microwave read one in the morning.

"I went to get a glass of water, and mom was reading in the living room," Alissa explained. "I couldn't sleep, and neither could she."

"So we made Halloween-themed cupcakes," Natasha concluded, pointing with her head towards the oven, whose dim light gave you a view of the cupcakes baking inside it.

You laughed at Natasha's solution, and were deeply touched as well. Any other parent would have made their kid a glass of milk, read a story, or accompanied their child until they fell back asleep, but your girlfriend decided to keep her awake and make Halloween cupcakes.

"I suppose you'll write a note saying that Alissa won't be going to school," you deduced, knowing the redhead very well.

She nodded.

Your daughter didn't even have to pretend to be sick to miss school, she just had to say she didn't want to go and Natasha would melt at her puppy eyes and let her stay home. As much as you hated to be the boring one, you had to set certain boundaries, however, your efficient communication with both of them always led to an agreement without making you look like the bad one. So, if Alissa went to school, on the way home you would stop for ice cream or go to the park.

But of course, this was an occasion where there was no choice but to agree to skip school, otherwise Alissa would be sleepy all day.

"All right, let's start working on the toppings, shall we?" You said with a wide smile.

December 3rd, 2023

"These crayons that Aunt Yelena gave me have very good pigmentation," Alissa commented, as she ran the brownish-red crayon over the white sheet of paper.

You laughed at the use of words. Somehow, she always managed to learn new words and use them appropriately. Little things you noticed and loved about your daughter.

"Oh, the 500 color box she brought from her last mission's trip? What are you drawing?" You asked, looking up from your book to pay attention to her. However, she was quick to cover her work with her arms.

"You can see when I'm done," she established.

Whenever she did the tedious math homework, Alissa redirected her attention to her drawings. She always knew that after working hard, she deserved to do something she enjoyed afterwards. No one told her, she just knew it was the right thing to do, and you were going to fight to death with anyone who dared make her believe otherwise.

Yelena could be considered the world-traveling aunt, except for the fact that it wasn't for fun and more for the purposes of freeing brainwashed Black Widows.

And when she was in town, your daughter would always come back with her sugar at 110% because her Aunt Yelena spoiled her with exaggerated doses of sweets, after taking her to the amusement park or the movies. You had difficulty putting her to sleep, because it was 9 p.m. and Alissa kept running around the house even though you begged her in every possible way that it was time to go to sleep.

So, while she was at the coffee table drawing, you were on the couch with Liho lounging in the other single recliner, taking her fifth nap of the day. The little black cat was no exception when it came to missing Natasha, constantly climbing on the bed on the side that used to be where she slept, meowing as if she was wondering where that nice redhead she used to visit in her apartment had gone.

Cats were transcendental beings, and you wondered if during her naps, she really did have astral travels where she could meet your girlfriend without worrying about the planes of existence that she could easily visit with zero effort.

You had your legs covered by the same blanket that once also kept your girlfriend warm on these cold days, and how she used to sneak under it to lie on your lap or to tease you by placing her cold hands under your shirt.

"I'm done," Alissa said after a few minutes. "It's mom."

You took the drawing delicately, as if it were a work that required the touch of cautious hands only, almost as if a very abrupt movement would fade the work captured on paper.

You watched carefully.

It was Natasha, but she did not have her reddish hair with blonde ends as your daughter had known her, but was from years ago, and you wondered if the girl had come across more pictures besides the ones hanging on the wall.

"Ah, here she has long curly hair. You portrayed her beautifully, honey," you complimented her, a nostalgic smile plastered on your face. "There was a time when her hair was like that, actually."

"I know," she admitted. "Mom told me she was just working for S.H.I.E.L.D back then and that's how she met Iron Man, pretending to be Natalie Rushman, a new assistant. That was the start of this whole Avengers adventure."

"Oh, yes..." you let out a chuckle. "Who told you that? Aunt Yelena?"

"No, mom told me."

"Ah, mom told you... when?"

"Last night, last night I dreamed about her," Alissa replied, so casually that it seemed to surprise her no longer. At first, she woke up crying, saying she hated the reality, and wished it wasn't a dream. However, over the days she began to relate it as if it were a regular occurrence. "We were in my room, and she saw my drawing wall. She asked me to draw her this way too, because she misses her long hair," she added. "Oh, and she also told me that birthday candles actually grant wishes. Because she once wished she was 36 forever, but she negotiated with you and it ended up being 38."

You tensed your jaw, and you mewed all the way in while making a superhuman effort not to burst into tears right there.

You had these recurring dreams of Natasha, mostly where she would tell you how proud she was of how you kept going for yourself and your daughter every day. In another, which was the day you met Yelena, the same night, you dreamed she asked you about how you liked her. In all the dreams she told you that she loved you and Alissa, and that sooner or later, she would find a way to get back to you.

"I'll find a way back," she said. "In the meantime, remember that love transcends time and space. We love each other, that's all we need to stay together more than ever."

Your daughter had similar dreams, with the difference being that many of them were just about the two of them spending time together like they used to.

You knew that Natasha healed her inner child through activities with Alissa. She might have looked mature and tough on the outside, but on the inside, she loved spending time with her little girl and at the same time giving the little Natasha living inside her all those experiences she was deprived of.

You thought you were going crazy and delusional, and that these dreams were just your subconscious going to great lengths to offer comfort and protect you and Alissa from pain.

But, it was not possible for Alissa to know that, as it happened long before she was adopted. That little anecdote you never mentioned it to a single soul, and neither did Natasha, otherwise it would have been brought up long before. Besides, your daughter wasn't a liar. And there was no way for her to know this.

There was just no way for her to know.

"You know, mom told me that, as long as we love her, she can transcend space and time, and be here, even if it's not on the physical plane like we are," you spoke finally, your voice failing to sound steady. Still, you didn't try harder. Natasha taught you in that support group when you first met her that even the strongest heroes had a right to break.

"Like she does when she visits me," Alissa concluded, smiling excitedly. "I know it's not my head or my imagination. I know it's her."

March 2nd, 2023

"I know it's you, mom!"

"No, who's your mom? I'm Rapunzel," Natasha said, in a high-pitched voice, far from her raspy tone.

She looked adorable in that blonde wig that came down to her heels, the purple dress and the makeup you did before your daughter arrived at the park where she would be having her very first surprise birthday party. Natasha insisted on dressing up instead of hiring an impersonator, because that way it would be more special and a nicer memory that her daughter would look back on in a few years.

"And I am, Flynn Ryder!" Steve came out from behind a tree, with his hair styled like said character, and a costume that also closely resembled, he even had that cross-body bag around his torso.

"That is you, Uncle Steve," she paused. "Oh, but I don't need a princess when my mom is a hero!" The little girl ran from her seat, and hugged Natasha's legs, who with a pout and teary eyes, lifted her off the floor and hugged her tightly.

That scene caused your eyes to glaze over as well, and as you looked around at everyone present, you realized you weren't the only one.

Steve, Clint, Melina, Alexei... everyone was touched. Everyone close to Natasha knew very well what it meant to her to have been given the opportunity to be a mother despite her past and unavailability to get pregnant, and watching the amazing job she was doing would warm up even the coldest heart.

"Hey! What about me?" Steve exclaimed, feigning offense at Alissa's exclusion.

"You too!" The little girl extended her arm in his direction, inviting him to join in the embrace.

Natasha then extended her free arm in your direction, and you didn't know how or at what point, but suddenly everyone present was enveloped in a group hug. Even Alexei ended up joining despite his previous rivalry with Steve. It was something everyone definitely needed.

"Okay, darling, let's pretend you don't know it's us and let us perform the act we prepared," Natasha spoke, and the little girl laughed at the silly impression of Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder your girlfriend and Steve had prepared for this special ocassion.

December 3rd, 2023

"We will be here when you come back, my love," you whispered with your forehead leaning against Natasha's, after pulling stay from a passionate kiss.

"Don't worry yourself. Clint and I will go to another planet, collect one of the Infinity Stones and be back in literally a minute," was the last sentence Natasha directed towards you, very confident that those words would be the truth.

"Damn you, Natalia!" You exclaimed, throwing your phone towards the floor of your room, so hard that you wouldn't be surprised if it broke.

It wasn't the best idea to end this day looking at old pictures; of your first dates with Natasha, of when you moved in together with Liho, and of the day you adopted Alissa, among thousands of other memories frozen through photograph.

You were drowning in your own tears again like every night, after Alissa was already sound asleep in her room to hear you.

It was a routine where you fell asleep after draining it all away, so you would have the strength to face another day without her.

You missed her caresses, her kisses, hearing her laugh, her jokes and her raspy voice in the mornings.

All physical aspects that ultimately were a form in which her eternal essence manifested itself, but you knew now more than ever that you were only used to her physical form, but that her essence would live on until the end of time.

Until she would return to us again.

[acoraxia]

Hello, good evening! Can you tell us random facts about your ver. of Erlang and Wukong? Just random stuff yknow--

OOOH OK i love sharing general headcanons and stuff (keep in mind most of this is for the LEGO Monkie Kid verse not JTTW or FSYY verse)

Erlang Shen / Yang Jian:

Middle child syndrome is strong with this one

He's much older than most other gods and deities that have been presented to us thus far because of the fact he had a mortal father and an immortal mother. It isn't until he fully accepts his role as the God of Justice and Engineering that he gradually stops aging whatsoever (rip to him, forever having to deal with backpains)

A funny gag I have is that he and Su Daji used to hold hands but that is mostly due to the 2019 drama series of Investiture of the Gods. He misses his wife. He misses her a lot Wukong :(

He has a habit of coming across as closed off/serious when in fact his head is completely empty and he is thinking about when he can go home

Watched all of Heaven and the world almost collapse and went, "Well, that's not my problem," and went back to taking his nap with XIaotian Quan

Doesn't like meeting new people

Has a soft spot for his found family in Heaven (Sun Wukong, Nezha and his extended family from Wukong's side)

Sun Wukong / Victorious Fighting Buddha:

"The Buddhist canon states that bodhisattvas can assume whatsoever gender and form is needed to liberate beings from ignorance and dukkha." genderfluid Sun Wukong is real y'all who says he can't have a fem form???

do you have any idea how hard it is to fully characterize this guy? goofy silly YES but also serious like he was during the book but also a terrifying demon king but also a kind god that protects people

he houses LOTS of yao in his mountain, takes in anyone regardless of who they are, but he makes sure they all do their part in taking care of the mountain even in his absence

technically lives within a mansion on flower fruit mountain but it's similar to his vault: magic door to enter and no you cannot enter if you are not allowed to sorry

i do not like how LMK makes FFM feel so SMALL like gosh dang it is a GIANT KINGDOM and Wukong loves all his subjects that live there

planted a garden for his generals, spider queen, macaque and lady bone demon

i always imagined lady bone demon and swk having a familial dynamic (all because of that ONE jttw live action show making them sworn siblings) and it explains his reason for being so angry at her during Season 3

he loves stone fruit, not just peaches, and they're his favorite thing to munch on (peaches are just everywhere because of the one peach tree he planted)

can beat up Erlang if he wanted. has threatened to do so. nezha hopes he keeps that promise-

Sun Wukong AND Erlang Shen:

became sworn brothers through the journey

Sun Wukong almost beat him to death after he learned that Erlang burned his mountain to death

they had a moment (think Invincible talking to Mark after beating him up) and Wukong apologized before saying he was angry and viscous and "you took my family"

they reconcile years later and Erlang proposes they be each other's family (as brothers) and Wukong spends time on plum hill before accepting

Wukong sometimes shrinks down to his younger self and clings to Erlang when he needs comfort

Erlang has a habit of worrying over Wukong far too much (he was an older brother before Wukong mind you)

Iron Fan prefers Wukong over Erlang

my personal headcanon that Iron Fan was not that close to Erlang during their time in Heaven as Erlang kept to himself or was just never fully there

DBK does not like Erlang!

[peri]

Peridot and Unlearning (Internalized & Externalized) Homophobia

i.e., here's why peridot's redemption arc is partially (a metaphor?) about unlearning homophobia

the title sounds crazy but bear with me here.

let's start off with saying NO, fusion does not = romantic love. that's an age old discourse and it can be so easily solved by stating there are many different forms of love, and sometimes fusion is just for power (which is a form of love in-of itself, albeit fucked; the love for power or toxic love) HOWEVER, in many cases, such as Garnet's, it most certainly is about romantic love. so to keep it as brief as possible, thats what we have in mind in this post. it's gay love okay.

now, let's talk about the scene i just captioned. this is from the episode "too far," which is an episode about developing a crush and accidentally hurting them in the process of trying to impress them. (however you want to look at it, but thats how i interpret it) the fact it starts off with casual homophobia is important, coz it shows peridot still has a lot of prejudices despite recently becoming part of the team, which is full of gay people, undeniably.

peridot's redemption arc is partially about coming to terms with your sexuality, retraining your mind from internalized homophobia after being raised in such a homophobic society/household, and becoming proud of your sexuality / identity.

OBSERVE:

"you dont understand! im protecting a planet i was once trying to destroy! i used to follow every order - every rule!"

"now im a traitor! a rebel!"

"A CRYSTAL QUEEEEEER"

sorry i had that joke stored for this analysis since 2019. anyways

i'm going to try to keep this short, but more under the cut.

IM SO BAD at organizing my words so this post is rly hard to make so im gonna do it like this.

MORE EVIDENCE THAT PERIDOT'S REDEMPTION ARC IS COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING GAY / UNLEARNING HOMOPHOBIA:

being frustrated about joining a lesbian/gay gang

coming from a society where homosexuality is forbidden

telling off your mom by saying youre joining some rebel lesbians/gays to fight her oppressive society

wearing pride flags (stars) everywhere after coming out

looking up to experienced lesbians (Garnet)

the scissoring joke (from "too far." if you know you know)

furthermore, i thought it'd be fair to include peridot learning how to respect how people identify in other ways, such as names / how they prefer to be addressed. this, most of the time, goes hand-in-hand with homophobia.

peridot, narrating: "he also said he wanted me to stop calling him "the" steven." steven: "its just, steven!" peridot: "i told him i'd call him whatever i want!" [hiss] peridot: "he told me that was rude."

(from the episode "log date 7 15 2")

peridot learns how to respect how people identify. lgbt win

i should add she also eventually learns how to respect Garnet's whole deal in the same episode (log date 7 15 2) which was also a huge moment in her unlearning homophobia. which, btw if you dont know or dont remember, Garnet does by comparing herself to peridot's (assuming) gay ship between Percy and Pierre from Camp Pining Hearts, saying she was the optimized version of herself (the reason peridot "ships" them; theyre the best team logically according to her analysis ship chart)

anyways, now the biggest most obvious point is the fact that peridot actually is gay. i've referred to this episode a few times now, but thats becoz it really is a huge point in proving my 'thesis';

in the episode "too far," peridot is shown to get obsessed with impressing amethyst. peridot experiences something they havent yet up until this point: a crush. i mean, you can interpret it as you wish, but thats how i saw it. the butterflies, the obsession with making someone laugh, the fact peridot states amethyst is objectively the best gem of the crystal gems and emphasizes "damaging her standing with the best gem here" with their apology to amethyst after hurting her feelings.

and um, this.

🌈yeag

sorry im losing any professionalism i started this post with. also this is focusing on early-season / redemption arc peridot which is why its kind of short and is missing stuff from later seasons. i hope this was at least somewhat concise and easy to understand, and i hope yall see my point of view here! feel free to add on (theres SO MUCH its easy for it to skip my mind) if you have any other points youd like to make to support my cause and uprising. love you

[isaac-blooms]

Burned a bridge with me over what I liked 4 years ago.

Context, I'm talking about an ex-friend (Flutter/Mew) of mine that I had from 2017 to 2024. We had a falling out in December of 2022 and at the very beginning of this year, Flutter had apologized to me in January. Quick context: Kyrrah was someone Flutter knew I had a massive distain towards because they are a know art thief, drama whore and had stolen art from me in the past. Not only that, at the time I found out they were in constant contact with people who also really didn't like me at the time. Massive red flags lol.

This resurgence of a friendship would crumble fast when they accused me of being a pro-shipper, zoophile, and pedophile without proof.

Why? Well in 2018 to 2020 I shipped Izuku (Deku) Midoriya X Tomura Shigaraki. At the time no one knew Tomura's age. Not only that, I never publicly condoned or supported the ship outside of some fan art of making them furries as show below. Mind you they were never together in these images, and were more refs for Vlad and I for our own AU's. 2018 Villian Izuku AU where I only drew a ref of Izuku with naturally born powers and is Pinkcoded

the rest of the art is from 2019 We had a lot of AU's but these were the ones I drew at the time. We had a Furry AU inspired by Beaststars An OG AU where they are sphinx (Close Speices I made back in 2016) And the Reality AU where everything that happened in MHA was just a fantasy in Izuku's head. Mind you, it wasn't publicly stated how old Tomura was till 2024 in the latest Issue of MHA, right before the bastard died due to All for one.

This is the CLOSET I got to any form of public shipping of these two.

Notice something? Nothing is sexualized, shocker. I don't make that kind of stuff. But that didn't stop Flutter. Whats funny was they saw and knew of this ship for years and only had an issue this year about it.

On April 21st of this year, at almost 10AM, told me and my server "people who ships Izuku and Tomura, are disgusting and I hate them". This turned into a massive argument that I told Flutter 5 times I had no interest in continuing and told them to leave. Flutter called Vlad and I Pedophiles over something we liked privately to ourselves and only found out this year that Izuku and Tomura have a 4 year age gap (16 + 20) Without explaining calmly, Flutter instead lashed out and completely spread lies about me and my partner. Look, I look back on art I did in the past or stories or even ideas with more nuance. I'm willing to grow an learn and apply when necsisary. but to kill an almost 8 year long friendship with a ship I don't have anymore and was making fun of in my server, when you KNEW the whole time and supported it. You're so fake Flutter.

[foxes-that-run]

The thing is...the manipulate jerk that Jake is, he was in her life for way more time than people think. No one understands how much Jake impacted her and broke her. Yeah that can happen in one month too but she literally resents him in a way that makes me think that it wasn't just one or two months. Feel like there's a chance they kept seeing eachother for few more months or like just hooking up. I mean I've read The Moviestar and Me so I wouldn't put it past him to keep coming back to a 21 year old Taylor. He has a pattern

Jake is a POS, Taylor said it was “a kind of bad that gets so overpowering you can't even write about it," Manuscript sings of trauma, and after dating younger boys. I know the WANGBT swiftie-lore is they were on/off, but it was in 2010. Her team said it ended December 2010. To Vanity Fair she said in 2013 "since 2010 I have dated exactly two people.” That is Harry and Conor, so she said she didn't date Jake in 2011.

He also just doesn't sound like someone with who 'the armor falls', 'a worthwhile fight', or the 'golden age of something good and right':

The Guardian: [Hide away and find your peace of mind / With some indie record that's much cooler than mine.] "That was the most important line of the song," Swift says. "It was a relationship where I felt very critiqued and subpar. He'd listen to this music that nobody had heard of … but as soon as anyone else liked these bands, he'd drop them. I felt that was a strange way to be a music fan. And I couldn't understand why he would never say anything nice about the songs I wrote or the music I made."

And finally to USA Today: "WANEGBT is a definitive portrait of how I felt when I finally stopped caring what my ex thought of me. He made me feel like I wasn't as good or as relevant as these hipster bands he listened to. So I made a song that I knew would absolutely drive him crazy when he heard it on the radio. Not only would it hopefully be played a lot, so that he'd have to hear it, but it's the opposite of the kind of music that he was trying to make me feel inferior to.

So maybe State of Grace is about some blue eyed fire sign we never knew about... Conor Kennedy is a Leo (fire sign) with brown eyes... or maybe that detail was changed, or its a line she liked from an earlier song. Lots of swifties think its about Jake and that's all cool, but I don't think much of Red is about Jake apart from ATW. ... and I don't' think Taylor does either because:

In October 2013 she spoke with Vulture, “I heard from the guy that most of Red is about,” Swift said. “He was like, ‘I just listened to the album, and that was a really bittersweet experience for me. It was like going through a photo album.’ That was nice. Nicer than, like, the ranting, crazy e-mails I got from this one dude."

"Most of Red" is about someone who listens to her music, unlike Jake who didn't listen to her music, did rant at her and she so much wanted him to hear WANGBT that she made it an earworm. And:

On 28 December 2015, when the Out of the Woods Music Video was about to be released she went on a liking spree about it which included this post, linking the muse of State of Grace with Out of the Woods:

(Thank you @cntfightmydemonsthyknowhowtoswim who had all of that in her fabulous Red post.)

[preet-01]

In 2023, I wrote We've Never Hooked Up during the Lewis/Merc contract negotiations and a reporter asked if Lewis and Toto had hooked up about the contract. Now, what was originally a one-shot is a story told in three parts. This is part 2 and part 3 will be out in about a week

Word Count: 1555

The plans to spend the summer break together fall through before early July. 

It isn’t because Lewis is annoyed by how bad the car was and how no matter what he did the team barely seemed interested in listening to his feedback. And it wasn’t due to the continued fights they’d been having about his contract – or how Toto refused to advocate for him with the team in Germany. They’d agreed ages ago to not let work interfere with their relationship. 

Not to mention that  Toto has meetings that he should focus on. The German headquarters business didn’t stop just because Formula One was on a summer break. As CEO, Toto needed to work and Lewis didn’t want to spend the few weeks he had off fighting for some time with Toto. 

So Lewis decides to make his own plans. 

Maybe he’ll do some traveling with Miles, Spinz, and all the others. They had talked about a trip to Brazil. Or he could go island hopping with Daniel, chasing the warm sun and sandy shores. He had been meaning to spend more one-on-one time with Daniel after everything that had happened last year – it was bad when both Seb and Fernando were concerned. Maybe he could take up Seb on his offer to visit him in Switzerland and see his animals named after drivers. As great as his current friendship was with Fernando, he did miss seeing Seb every weekend and bitching about all things FIA-related. 

“Will you be attending Google Camp this year?” John asks. The older man had offered him a ride to England on his private jet after the Austrian Grand Prix and with most of the Mercedes team leaving Sunday night, Lewis had taken him up on the offer without hesitation. He hadn’t had time to catch up with John in a long time, so it was as good an opportunity as any. Just the two of them and their respective security on the private jet — Seb would probably chastise him about it. 

“I hadn’t intended on attending,” Lewis replies – he had declined the invitation weeks ago when the plan had been to be on some remote island with just Toto and a skeleton staff as company. “I already declined the invite before my original plans fell through,” he adds. 

‘Hhm,” John nods, “come with me. I have a plus one and those events tend to be dreadful without good company.” 

Lewis can’t help the laugh that escapes him. John had been downright miserable at Google Camp the year they had met. Stuck in some pissing contest conversation between Zuckerberg and Musk, John had jumped at the opportunity to pull him into a separate conversation when their eyes met across the ruins. 

Google Camp hadn’t happened in 2020 for obvious reasons. Lewis didn’t know about 2021, but he’d been busy with other stuff. And in 2022, he’d gotten a few calls from John about the event. Most of them complaining about the lack of good company with a mind for racing beyond just “fast cars go vroom.” 

He doesn’t commit to going but does tell John that he’ll think about it. 

It wouldn’t be the worst way to spend the summer break. Lewis quite liked John’s company and he liked Sicily. They’d had a grand old time during the few days they’d spent at Google Camp together in 2019.

____

He goes to Sicily. 

Of course, he goes to Sicily. 

He goes and he lets John plan their entire trip. He lets the control slip out of his own hands and into John’s — trusting that he wouldn’t be a disaster at planning. 

They have a private villa at the Verdura Resort that is probably much too big for just two people, but it has a pool and is one of the more beautiful places he’s stayed at during his life so far. There’s of course a lineup of Ferraris there just for their use and private chefs well versed in cooking vegan food. 

Google Camp is well not so different from how Lewis remembers it and it quickly turns into an Italian vacation with John taking him to places Lewis had never thought of visiting before. Whisking him away from Sicily in one of the many Ferraris until they reach the harbor where a boat awaits to take them to mainland Italy. 

He doesn’t think of the missed calls between himself and Toto or the short messages exchanged. Neither of them seemed to catch the other at an opportune time. Instead, he focuses on John and attempts to tell the man that there are better ways to have a sweater hanging from one’s shoulders than how John tends to have them. However, he does admit that it is an endearing idiosyncrasy. 

And in the coming months, he does his best to not think about the promises that John had whispered in his ear as they lay under the blazing Italian sun. Or the taste of fermented grapes and ripe strawberries as a million stars shined down on them. Or how he’d laughed more in those few days with John than he had with Toto in the past few years. No, he doesn’t think of that at all…

Lewis ignores it the best that he can, for as long as he can — he’d always been very good at compartmentalizing and pushing forward. 

Just as plans for the summer break spent on some remote island fall through, so do the plans for winter break. They don’t go to Toto’s home in the Austrian countryside or visit the Christmas markets. Well, Lewis doesn’t go, Toto does. 

Lewis instead flies out to Brazil with Miles, Spinz, and all his other friends. None of them mention that the private jet they use isn’t the one that Lewis would usually rent or the one he’d occasionally borrow from Toto, but borrowed from one John Elkann. 

Brazil is everything he’d needed after the season, after fighting with his car time and time again. It’s a necessary break that he had needed to decompress and just think. 

It’s an eye-opening vacation, to say the least. 

Things need to change because as Lewis had told Toto months ago, he didn’t have years and years to keep fighting. 

Just as he’s about to call Toto so they can talk through everything like they normally do, a different billionaire is calling him. 

“Hi,” Lewis answers, unable to help the smile that breaks out when he answers John’s call. 

“Hello, Lewis,” John replies, “how is Brazil?” 

Lewis goes into the details about the vacation. Everything that they have done so far and everything that they plan to do in the coming days. John, ever so attentive, makes his own recommendations and tells Lewis about the places that he loved growing up. “You lived in Brazil?” Lewis questions, he had not been aware of that. How it hadn’t come up in their many conversations, he doesn’t know. Just as he’d thought that he’d learned everything about John, the man reveals something new – some new avenue to take their already hours-long conversations. 

“Briefly when I was young. I attended primary school in England and then Brazil before we moved to Paris when I was in my teenage years,” John answers. “But it has always been somewhat of a home as many of my earliest memories are from there and I have gone back to explore the country many times since,” he explains. 

“Tell me more,” Lewis says, getting comfortable on his bed as all thoughts of Toto and his future fly out the window. 

If Lewis spends the rest of the day on the phone with John, just talking and definitely not flirting, then that’s no one’s business except his own. And he certainly doesn’t invite John to join him in Brazil. He just so happens to have business in Brazil obviously, nothing to do with Lewis. 

As John Elkann makes declarations of unconditional devotion and presses kisses onto the most intimate parts of Lewis Hamilton, Toto Wolff is in the company of his other driver.  

It is a far cry from how Toto had expected to spend his winter months ago when Lewis had joked about the two of them never hooking up during a press conference. Then he’d imagined a shorter man with tattoos on dark skin and a gap-toothed smile in his bed. He’d imagined Lewis curled up around him as they sought relief from the cold Austrian winter. He’d imagined a quiet vacation spent in one another’s company and visiting the Christmas markets that Lewis had fallen in love with. 

Instead, his winter is spent in the company of George who is nothing like Lewis. Instead of a private vacation with visits to Christmas markets, he’s at karting tracks, ski charity events, and public places where people easily recognize them both. Instead, his winter is spent with someone who is still not fully sure of his position with Toto. 

George is still staying at his place in Oxford when Lewis finally calls him about their usual pre-season coffee. Toto doesn’t kick him out, can’t find it in himself to do so. Not when George had looked so lovely and had taken so long to get comfortable. 

No, George has an event to go to that morning anyway. It would be fine. 

[slaaverin]

hi so just wanted to share smthing idk if you have been following the blue moon tarot blog/website for long but i got into in 2021, ruined my peace of mind, bc the relationship of jm with himself and esp with jk seemed so toxic, so i just stopped reading or idk believing it on some level too. bc i remember once reading that jm literally saw jk as a replacement of his own brother in the start and so people shipping them is sooo wierd. then he always sort of uses and takes (energy?) from jk rather than giving anything back. like jk is progressing but jm is always for some reason going down or afraid all the time when i read any of his readings done by her (again not coming at her she always seemed to be a great positive eprson when ever i read her blogs, just from what i got of jm from her readings thats all nothing more) and idk it just made me a bit frustrated too bc he is so wrapped up in his fears, that any hope for progress for him seems hopeless honestly with how every fruther reading, jm somehow always seemed to drag himself down, get caught up in his feelings, esp drag jk down to his troubles after having a toxic relationship - like i remember one years ago in one of the reading it was said how jm sort of doesnt let jk grow up in his eyes and jk pretends he hasnt grown up too to have the relationship or so that jm doenst lose his balance that he had at that time, basically self sacrificing honestly and made it seem all the more toxic and not at all healthy. (so i sort of agree with anon that says it all seems sad rather than good, bc one thing i noticed is over teh years jm has a lot of potential to be great and amazing but he is so caught up in himself/fears/all the wierd stuff that he doesnt let himself be, like everything points to be negative with him and his future all the time.

i mean on the surface it seemed he is totally at peace from the clips in teh past two years esp with his music (which was honestly decent though the whole album never clicked with me, but again its his album his songs so i appreciate all of them regardless) like he is working on himself his vocals his music and his growth but tbh it never seems enough as per his tarot readings or the fact that he always is in that confusing dark place (bluemoon blog once stated its like jm is in this dark chaos place where he goes back to his tendencies and doesnt want to seem to get out of it ages ago tho, like its being back and forth, and jk honestly is in a good place at the top of the hill, who for some reason keeps coming back to help)- again toxic as fuck. and also said how they are planning to help eo out, i wld like to believe he more at peace with himself but idk it always seems tumultuous and toxic.

Sry I know this got so long but idk I had this in my head for so long during my early army days when I saw tarot reading, and somehow your blog is the only one where i have even seen anything reagrding tarot readinsg that were done, so just wanted to see if mayeb you have any thoughts about it. and again, blue moon website, whoever she is, is really cool and amazing; none of this was in any way meant to be hurtful or mean or anything, really, just what I got or interpreted from your readings and conclusions, really nothing else. Thank you!

Hello!

Thank you for reaching out anon and sharing your thoughts.

I have been following bluemoonpunch's readings since 2019, a while I don't have every single details in mind still, I can only offer my own interpretation.

Jimin has a damn difficult place in the soul body (heart chakra) and while they separated energetically he had a hard time with it. He was always the one to take care of the others, and while figuring out who he was and what's his new place/direction was, I think he needed some support, that's also why JK showed up in his reading (a little place where they met).

According to the readings, Jimin had a cycle where he would retreat, and JK left him alone during that time only being there for him if he needed. In a way he had ups and downs, like everybody. We could see that Jimin in the past would easily doubt himself, that we know.

But to me anon in these readings nothing ever told me jikook's relationship is toxic at all. It's only a deep and complex and ever evolving relationship like any other. Of course it cannot be all rainbows and unicorns.

Jimin literally saw Jungkook grow, he watched him in real time become a man. If they are indeed romantically involved then his view of Jungkook must have evolved over time. We all know Jimin had a crush on Jungkook from the very start. But at that time Jimin saw him still like someone he had to take care of (like the rest of the group) because Jungkook was so young and not yet mature. But with time Jungkook grew within himself and became who he is today, someone who does take care of Jimin when he needs it too. I think that is normal and a sign of healthy relationship, that they can BOTH rely on each other now.

Of course I feel between the two Jimin is the one more careful, and maybe the one more "down to earth" about all the things that could go wrong. But nothing in this screams toxic, he is only pragmatic because he cares about Jungkook and what could potentially happen to him.

Jungkook is more carefree and open. This man is time and time again reinforcing his love and full devotion to Jimin.

Maybe like the readings say Jimin still has fears but honestly who could blame him?

They are in an impossible, potentially very dangerous situation! With his role of caretaker of course he feels most responsible and worried.

The things you saw that sounded toxic to you, to me is normal in any part of any relationship. People are never perfect, they have flaws, a particular way of their psyche to function, feelings to deal with. What we could see from them since 2013 never came accross as toxic to me, quite the contrary. Of course I don't doubt behind the scenes it's not always perfect, people fight sometimes, people have doubts, fears, sadness, insecurities, but it doesn't mean their relationship isn't healthy. It just means they are humans.

They've been together for a long time, it's normal for the relationship and perspectives to evolve.

Personally the last reading confirmed everything I ever thought about them.

The fact that their potential is to be like a perfect balance of feminine and masculine, like some kind of cosmic couple, it makes so much sense. They always have balanced each other. When they are together they just fit perfectly, they are in sync, they just click.

I will even offer my interpetation of their relationship expanding on the readings, I think jikook are supposed to embody the energy of a cosmic couple as blue said, because I personally feel that is part of their mission.

What they have is a perfect example of what unconditional love means. It is the perfect balance. In a way what they have is not even about them at all! Their relationship is more a display of a concept of unconditional love, some kind of roadmap to show to people and to tell them "see, it's possible, a love like this exist, people with that much light exist, see this example, get inspired by it, grow your light and your love and you may be able to experience it someday".

Images and sounds, basically anything is a frequency. When we watch jikook's relationship, we can feel the frequency of their love, we literally receive unconditional love from them. It opens up our own heart, raising our own frequency. So it's part of their mission of raising the consciousness of the planet, having this relationship. I feel it's part of a way bigger plan.

People will either embrace it or reject it completely. Usually people with a too low frequency will reject it because they cannot stand too much light.

People who receive too much light will have to process their low frequency energy so everything has to come up from the surface which is a pretty painful process so they might choose to not take at all. Which is why so many people reject jikook's bond, because if they accepted the frequency is would make them feel very uncomfortable stuff first and it's not a match to them (It is not always a conscious choice).

People with low frequency rather stay in a state of "illusion" because low frequency is literally nothing but illusion by nature.

I went on a tangent here but what I mean to say is that jikook's relationship has never been more exciting that today (after so many years! Who would have thought they would commit to each other again with military?) So I cannot wait to see how it all evolves from now on, what this potential future as a cosmic couple will look like (can it be even better than now? I can't imagine).

Ease your mind anon, jikook are in a good place. There is nothing to worry about. Let's all enjoy the travel show 💜

Thanks you again for sharing your thoughts I know mine are all over the place because I am not used to answer asks yet so I'm sorry about that! If nothing bluemoonpunch's readings always reassured me more than anything else, especially the last one!

Take care 🥰

[isakyakihasmyheart]

Mind Dump 5 years on...

This is the first time I've logged into this account since 2019(ish) so I'm pretty sure there's going to be no one left here but if you are, Hi! I'm just going to dump this post here because I am a tumblr girl at heart and laying my most deepest thoughts to strangers on the internet is all I've ever known...

After the recent news of the death of Liam Payne 2 days ago I've been thinking about this website non-stop. Like many people, this news hit me so unexpectedly emotionally. Grieving someone I never knew, but also grieving a time in my life I can never ever experience again.

My life has changed so much since I last logged into this account, and yet so little at the same time. I started this account in early 2017 after I got into SKAM back in 2016, abandoning a previous Dan and Phil centred account I had from 2014. I was still in school, the last season of SKAM lining up with my own life of leaving school and starting university. I remember thinking that was so cool, watching these characters I grew to adore also experiencing their last year alongside me. I started university in late 2018, studying to become a nurse but yet never got over SKAM. Instead, I became obsessed DRUCK and connected to Matteo in a way I haven't ever experienced with another fictional character since (the only close match being Connell from Normal People in that one uni scene iykyk). However, I ultimately ended up abandoning this account in 2019.

I don't actually know why I stopped coming on this website. Because since I was 14 this website was all I could ever think about. Me and best friend in 2014 were absolutely obsessed with tubmlr. We would literally spend hours on this website reblogging the most random things, and things that at that point in our lives meant so much to us. And with this recent news, I've felt this strong tsunami of nostalgia for that period of my life.

I was never a 1D blog, but I loved 1D. Not very openly as I had older sisters who made fun of me for it. I squashed any outwardly expression of my love for them to avoid this at all costs. A major cost being turning down to go and see them in concert in 2014/2015 when my friend (mentioned above) had an extra ticket. I think about that often and regret it every time. When covid came around and we were in lockdown I was in the mid/end of my 2nd year of uni, 20 years of age. I know a lot of people talk of how they regressed back to their younger passions, and so did I. I had the full 1D experience I never let myself have, not caring about others' opinions on it (mainly my older sister). I listened to their music nonstop every single day, watching so many edits and even reading fan fics. I truly felt like I was 14 again. But there was always that voice in the back of my head saying, "you're too late, it's not the same, you've missed out on it all." I yearned with everything in me to be that teenage girl again. It was during this period in 2020 that my family relationships also became very volatile and dysfunctional, meaning 1D became an even bigger safe space for me.

I've always been a nostalgic person in the worst way possible. I can't help but let the regrets of things I never did consume me. The thoughts of how different my life could be, how different I could be, it always plagues me. I know this sounds dramatic because I'm talking about a 2010s boyband, believe me I know it does.

But I was 14 when my life started to go to shit, when my mental health first started to decline and truthfully it has never recovered. Maybe because in the back of my mind, I always felt like that 14 year old girl, scared and alone and hurting so bad with no one to help her. And the unbelievable shocking news of Liam Payne dying, it's just transporting me back to that period of my life. Even more so as I lost my dad very unexpectedly and traumaticly in March this year.

I just feel so full of grief for so many things all at once, all separate yet all so intertwined. I would truly give anything and everything I have to just relive being that teenage girl, even the unspeakable bad parts. And it makes me so angry to know I can't. And of course, I can't, because that's not how time works! Yet it feels like I can't breathe when I come to that realisation. In all its dramatic flare, it genuinely feels like it's killing me that I can't ever experience that life again.

All in all, I'll never truly forget this website. Especially not this account, I loved this account! Maybe this is just the part of growing up I'm currently struggling with. I'm 24 now, which in itself is scary because no matter what I am and always will be that 14 year old girl.

Girlhood is forever and always xx

[dizzyduck44]

Time to start unpacking my thoughts following Brazil. Let’s start with Charles.

Seeing Red 🏎

Let me start this by saying since 2020/2021 I have been a firm believer there were 4 World Champions on the grid, Lewis, Seb, Fernando and Kimi and 4 future World Champions in Max, Charles, George and Lando.

I can vividly remember watching Max in those first couple of seasons. Impulsive, reckless, but quick and flashes of the amazing talent that was to come. I can remember telling people Max was a future World Champion in the making and getting laughed at.

Similarly with Charles. That first half of his season was standard rookie fare, accidents, mistakes and almosts. The second half, oh wow! The talent was clear for everyone to see. By summer we were debating which former World Champion was being ousted from Ferrari as there was no way he wasn’t driving for them next season.

As all this was going down George and Lando were around the paddock. Already familiar faces at Mercedes and McLaren. They burst into F1 in 2019 and I still remember the first time Lando caught my attention. Qualifying 8th in his first race in a car I had been likening to a milk float for the last 4 seasons.

All 4 had arrived to their F1 seat with a tide behind them. The whisperings from a young age “this one is special”. They arrived with 4 of the biggest teams in the paddock backing them. This was the future of F1. Bring it on!!

Fast forward to 2023. Max is a three time World Champion. The man looks the finished article.

Lando has slowly but steadily embedding himself into the top 5 drivers of the season year in year out, his faith in McLaren is coming good and he is one of the most exciting drivers to watch of a weekend.

George learnt his trade at Williams, gained the respect of the grid so much they made him GPDA rep and got his much deserved move to Mercedes. It’s not been the easiest time and he has annoyed a lot of fans along the way but he still finds himself towards the front of the grid most weekends in a team of champions. Maybe he overthinks his races, but he never stops trying.

Then there is Charles. I think Charles is the most natural god given talent of the 4. Where the others have had to learn, it seems as natural as breathing to him. In equal machinery, he is the fastest, there is no doubt in my mind. 21 poles say it all. Over one lap, he is a demon.

Yes Charles is all emotion and sometimes his desire to succeed hinders him, sometimes it gives him the edge. He is the driver that I have been least shocked to see him bin it and the one who has gobsmacked me most often with his talent.

That aside, realistically Charles should be knocking on the door of that World Championship by now. As much as I’m loving seeing Lando be Max’s shadow, I can’t be alone in my shock it’s not Charles?

For all his faults, how many points have Ferrari and their incompetence taken from him? I’ve lost track of the awful strategy calls, the bad pit stops, the car taking itself to the shadow realm when we least expect it.

I’m a McLaren girly but I know I’m not alone in the heartbreak of watching Charles hit the barrier on the formation lap. He doesn’t deserve this!

Charles has the talent no question. It’s being wasted at Ferrari, by Ferrari themselves. It’s maddening because I want what’s best for this sport and Charles able to drive to his natural talent and ability is what is best for the sport. This is the first season I’ve questioned is he one of the best 5 drivers on the grid.

The troubling thing for Charles now is the numbers are 3 World Champions on the grid Lewis, Fernando and Max and still 4 World Champions in the making, as hello Oscar 👋. Oscar is showing that same natural talent Charles did in his rookie season. Even more troubling, Lando looks to be the one banging on the door of a Championship. The last 6 races have shown he’s ready but more importantly, so are McLaren.

I’m not sure what will happen if Lando, George or god forbid Oscar get there first. The pain for Charles will be unbearable and too cruel.

It’s that bad already a McLaren fan is writing essays about Charles.