#in my heart of hearts he was an mcr girlie

[whydotheycallmechimney]

sam winchester should have been an emo kid but he was too busy fighting monsters (the patriarchy + his family)

[horseshoemybeloved]

:) Patreece…

[thesunhatesme]

The ghouls music taste - HC

I think Ozzy Osbourne, Kiss, Lana Del Rey and David Bowie is pack favorites, like that’s what they’re gonna play on full volume in the car

Rain

Rain is definitely an alternative rock girlie, he loves Muse and you can’t change my mind on that. His favorite Muse song is definitely micro cuts or spiral static. He just loves all their guitar sounding vocals, those old emo vibes songs and basically everything about them. His favorite album is probably Origin of symmetry and Showbiz. And he likes MCR and Suizid, cus like, he’s emo

Dew

He’s a Mike’s dead fan by heart, he knows every single word of every single song, like hell blast Bite down on full volume and scream the lyrics, it just makes him feel better. And he’s Aether’s Rob zombie friend (every Alice cooper fan needs a rob zombie fan and the other way around) And he’s a sabaton fan cus he’s a little nerdy about history.

Swiss

Swiss’s motto is: “the older, the better” and: “anything after 1999 sucks” He likes the old country rock like, Eagles. He also likes Santana, like c’mon, Santana is a guitar genius. There’s always some chill music coming from his room. Oh, and he listens to Paleface Swiss unironically (even though they are a new band)

Mountain

He’s a bit like Swiss but he’s not against new music (most of the time) but the song James Dean by Eagles always hits hard. He listens to the strokes and thin lizzy in the green house, but if he’s not with his plants he likes to listen to techno metal, or any type if metal, really, his favorite song is Undead by Hypnosaur.

Aether

Dad music. Alice Cooper, Iron Maiden, and his alltime favorite Meatloaf. He vibes with almost everything tho, hell vibe with Rains high pitched emo screaming, Dews angsty rap/rock but especially Rob zombie, Swiss’s old country rock, Mountains techno metal and chill oldies, and on like so. He doesn’t listen to music that much but if the others are playing music he won’t ask them to turn it down, he’ll vibe with them

Phantom

Phantom’s favorite song will always be Bat out of hell by Meatloaf. He also likes Muse, but not like Rain, he likes their new stuff better like Simulation theory and the 2:nd law, he’s emo but not that emo. He definitely likes Nickleback, Yungblud, Bring me the horizon and Bad religion. His favorite songs are Anesthesia by Bad religion and Fire escape by Call me karizma. He has a kinda love/hate relationship with Map of the problematique by Muse because he listened to it religiously when he was summoned and now he can’t help but cry when he hears it.

Cumulus

Elton John, Dire states and Greta van fleet. She loves crocodile rock by Elton John and it always makes her laugh when she watches him perform it on The muppet show. But like Aether she’ll vibe with pretty much anything

Cirrus

Cirrus likes the vibe of kinda dark doom metal/rock. She loves bands like The ocean and Soen and their song Hollowed. She’s a sabaton fan because they are super cool too and she’ll occasionally enjoy some good old Rammstein or The cure

Aurora

She likes a lot of different music, and if you put her playlist on shuffle, someone will end up with a whiplash injury. She’s a Louis Tomlinson fan, her favorite song is Angels fly and she loves five finger death punch. She’s Phantom’s Machine Gun Kelly friend (every Yungblud fan needs to have a MGK friend) chances are high that you’ll find her with Phantom jaming out to bodybag or acting like that by MGK and Yungblud

Copia

He is definitely a måneskin fan and his rats are named after them. I think he likes old bands like whitesnake and Lynyrd Skynyrd but his altime favorite song will forever be Brother Louie by Modern talking

[hyukascampfire]

HEYYY it's me again the yapper that recommended some music for the playlists lol (I'm always listening to it) BTW I used a 🦇 emoji last time, if nobody claimed it I would like to hehe. SO ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER girl you killed all the taehyun girlies fr (I'm just a ghost typing rn) I loved everything and I read it the day you posted but couldn't find the time to write my thoughts (or put them together cuz SO MUCH HAPPENING AND I WAS KICKING MY FEET SCREAMING INTERNALLY) I will have to read again, I just love to see taehyun losing his mind FINALLY and yeonjun so DESPERATE, I'm looking forward to how things will unravel in the next chapter!! I love your writing and the way you use words and describe things is just WOW!! I found so interesting to see Soobin and how meeting him affected the reader (i also have A THING for the comfort of sleeping in the presence of another person trope like i melted fr maybe cuz i have insomnia idk anyways lol) well so after the last chapter I thought about more songs for Taehyun's playlists (you KILLED this goth solomon with tear you apart there btw) so here it is!! ♡

loveletting - VV

the sharpest lives - MCR

snow - angus & julia stone

(oh and babylon by 5sos for yeonjun idk he's just very 5sos coded to me I guess lol)

- 🦇

OFCCC u are now 🦇 anon!! I’m so sorry for the late reply, but I was super busy for a little bit there. I’m back now!! And super ready to write🥹

i literally killed MYSELF writing the Taehyun scenes, and i knew what was happening. i can only imagine what it was like for you guys😭 i always wish i could see it how you guys do. i got butterflies n still sorta do even just thinking about it. LMAOO

i’m the same. i think one of the most intimate things is feeling comfortable sleeping around someone. it’s like telling them that you trust them, and that you don’t mind letting your guard down around them. even accidentally, like what happened in part 5. it tugs at my heart that MC feels finally safe to sleep when Taehyun is there. UGH. :,)

omg. i fucking LOVEE tear you apart, i just hadn’t connected the dots. i was listening to it the other day and was like… wait…… yeah. it’s so him. it makes me so genuinely happy that you enjoy the playlists. it’s nice to share the songs that i see TSFAWC reflected in/the songs i listen to while writing. it’s sort of an extra way to flesh out characters or even just to connect with them even while not reading! i was worried that nobody would care, but your recommendations literally make me so happy.

i listened to all of them! i couldn’t agree more. you understand the characters so well. plus, your music taste is literally delectable? you’re my fav. i agree like a 1000% that TSFAWC yeonjun is 5sos coded. yes. they’re getting added 🙂‍↕️

ALSO. goth solomon??? i think i’m in love w u??? come kiss me rn??

[n3on-graveston3s-calling]

Went down an essential rabbit hole last night about the different styles of alternative that Oda has tossed in with some of the crews. & I know this isn't everyone- I'm only in Marineford, okay.

But.

Alternative Characters in One Piece: Kid Pirates + Heart Pirates

Of course the biggest one that comes to mind are the Kid Pirates in general.

Kidd gives me 80s punk vibes. Anarchy, the hair, the fit, the attitude- purely 80s Punk. But to contrast him- Killer is 80s Glam Rock. The hair? The tight t-shirt? The lipstick? Everything about him is 80s Glam Rock. Heat & Wire both fit the 80s Goth scene, though Wire veers closer to Mall Goth due to the fishnets + platform boots + tiny shorts + big ass coat.

The Heart Pirates aren't necessarily all Alt, but. Look at their Captain. Trafalgar Law screams, specifically, Loser by Beck, but also Pepper by Butthole Surfers. He's Skater Punk ( thank you to my wonderful partner for this one ). Shachi screams Weezer. Island in the Sun? Say It Ain't So? Beverly Hills? Pure Shachi. While Penguin is more early 00s- Three Days Grace, EARLY MCR specifically ( IBYMB & Three Cheers, specifically ), EARLY FOB ( everything from '03-'08 ). Ikkaku is a Flyleaf girlie. They're all Skater Punk in varying levels.

I'll probably add more to this later on but feel free to add on any of your favs + which subculture they fit in with this.

[colorisbyshe]

Monthly Music October 2024 heheee

Going alphabetically by artist, for funsies

"0" Ado. Chaotic, high energy Japanese track. Probably an acquired taste, lol.

"Whiplash" & "Flowers" Aespa. Experimental kpop. Whiplash absolutely is cunty. I think I rly like "Flowes" because it sounds like an interpolation of "Every Heart" by Boa, particularly the Minnanokimochi Remix. (Yes, the song from Inuyasha.) It's just sooo smooth and pretty and sensual.

"Little Piggy" & "Bird w/o Nest" Alice Longyu Gao. Sometimes, I find her schtick to be a bit... cringy and too much but I think these tracks are a return to form for Alice. A mix of sincerity and false edginess that come together to be more interesting than they should be.

"Super Sick," "Straight," "5th Chakra." Baby Tate. If you like Doechii, check out Baby Tate! Baby Tate is more electronic but both are unabashedly bisexual, have the same sort of swagger, and truly seek to explore their sound and brand with each release. Boundless talent that explodes in every direction, this rapper won't let you down.

"Trampoline" Billlie. Has that chill, mature vibe which kpop has been lacking. It's fresh and well crafted.

"Worst Aint Over Yet" Can't Swim & Microwave. Just some good emo pop punk. It's a million familiar songs in one and it's fun.

"Blind Side Sonny" Coheed and Cambria. If you liked MCR when more cocaine and worse music recording equipment was used but also crave a dash of danger days... THIS is the song for you. The guitar in this song fucks.

"Tounu" Mike Parton. Competent disco-fusion, nothing new but still fun as hell and a great transition track for aspiring DJs.

"UFO" F5ve. The intro kinda pissed me off but it turns into nice girly jpop with a sharp experimental edge that keeps it from being generic.

"Burn" Frost Children & Haru Nemuri. If you haven't moved on from hyperpop OR pop punk or maybe rly enjoyed Ratata by Babymetal & Electric Callboy, give this track a shot.

"Technologique" Harmony. I didn't put the brat remixes on here because I'm a bit tired of talking about Charli but this is... brat... adjacent? Brat at home? Check it out, idk.

"Mascara" King Gnu. More poppy Jrock with some pep in its step! Be sure to also check out their song "Nekko," if you want something more dramatic and cinematic.

Kylie Minogue is back! Highlights from her disco-y dance album are: "Taboo," "Someone For Me," "Good as Gone," "Kiss Bang Bang," and "Dance to The Music." My fave is "Good as Gone."

Cuntier, darker with Gaga back with "Disease." Another return to form, tbh

Megan Thee Stallion's new album is twice as good tbh. The spiritbox collab??? My faves are "Bigger in Texas," "Number One Rule," "TYG," "Fell in Love," He Think I Love Him," and "Like a Freak," with TYG being my fave with "He Think I Love Him" close behind. Shout out to the Like a G6 sample after her free style, too!

"Midnight Oil" Yune Pinku. Beautiful, vibrant vocals over chillwave

And since this post is a day late, here's a track from November First

"What have you done to me?" Imogen Heap. QUEEN OF TRANSCENDENT MUSIC

[iero]

it drives me INSANE to see mcr fans give frank shit for putting his heart and passion into dunes atm bc, #1: we all know mcr has the most special place in his heart always, no matter what other projects he pursues.

#2: HE'S HAPPY, why doesn't make YOU happy??? seeing him living his best life with his buddies??? omg pls drink some water and go outside for 20 mins ok

Unpopular opinion, and this might get me in trouble with the My Chem girlies (gn), but I genuinely think some of these fans are bored and just like to start shit just to start shit LMAO. I love My Chem, always will, but you will NEVER see me bringing down one of the guys side projects/other bands for the sake of My Chem. If they enjoy doing it, they enjoy doing it and who am I to bring that down? Like I said in the tags, I don’t even listen to Dunes, but I’m happy to see Frank having fun with his other friends and making music with his other friends. Do I miss My Chem? Of course, but I’m ready for more when they’re ready for more IF they do anything else. Why can’t people just let these guys just… be?! Fuck, man… This is giving like… Toxic friend who is shocked and upset that their best friend has other friends energy… I’m tired of y’all…

[mhaccunoval]

everyone is getting 5 and 10 but you also get 2. for donny and elly :)

HI HI HI!!!

❥ 2 — what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?:

SO glad you asked because i HAVE thought about it (i should think more but alas). i know for sure donny likes barenaked ladies and blue october, maybe some other similar bands too. ellie is, and i think this is one of the funniest things i've done, a secret mcr tumblr girlie. so like. for the second part of the question, donny's leaning towards like rock with some heart to it that connects to his own and ellie's, surprisingly, leaning towards emo and alternative stuff for funsies. as far as favorite songs, i know i'll be that girl by barenaked ladies and calling you by blue october are some donny favorites (i'll be that girl being the reason for his clover tattoo) and for ellie. i don't know about Songs but have thought about her loving three cheers for sweet revenge

❥ 5 — how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?:

donny is very much. well i don't know how to describe it without going into terms of JRR characters; like his wardrobe is very gary from a million little things or danny from pushing dead— t-shirts layered under open button-ups + jackets, jeans, sneakers or boots, chunky watch, etc etc. in which case it's more so practicality, of being layered for warmth and to have himself covered up (for security and as a barrier). ellie, on the other hand, wears a LOT of florals, as flowy shirts and frilly dresses, wears the occasional business casual and sometimes throws in some spark for formal events. but also will steal donny's t-shirts to where with pajama shorts soooo. mainly aesthetically driven but a couple of exceptions here and there

❥ 10 — if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem?:

RIGHT SO. think i've mentioned before donny having a necklace from his grandmother that he occasionally wears and ellie has her mpther's earrings she's always wearing. and the other day mikey tiptapricot asked if i had any ideas about wedding band styles so. current consensus is. this emerald ring is my Plan B on an ellie ring since i can't find the one i was originally picturing:

and i really like the thought of a chunky (also emerald stoned) ring for donny:

OTHERWISE. i feel like donny's more of a silver guy and ellie a gold girl. i think emeralds are a suiting gem, at least for their wedding bands, but i feel like for other favorites, donny would like tiger's eye and blue sapphires, and ellie would like pink spinel and citrine. maybe even jasper and black opal as other shared favorites

[spextkrr]

So about the whole Ray thing, I will 100% admit that I am a Gerard Girlie (gn) but like. DUDE. Ray is ESSENTIAL to MCR, he kept them going after bullets and is the mastermind behind a lot of their bangers and deserves so much more love than he gets!! He was one of the people that got me into guitar, I would watch him play and go "I hope I can be just like him one day omg" and it shatters my heart to see this- I will admit that I am a baby mcr fan (started listening in 2020) and didn't really engage with any online media until a few months ago, so yes, I am 100% shocked to hear about this, like cmon yall what the fuck Ray is equally as important as everyone else!! I dont know what I can and can't say because I'm white as fuck but I thought I'd say something because it shouldn't just be POC talking about things like this, us with privilege and voices need to raise awareness as well

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days - Chapter one: “Nobody puts Baby in a corner”

Pairing: OCx Matthew Gray Gubler + My Chemical Romance. I know. Weirdest mix ever.

Summary: MCR has only one more drummer audition before they have to start touring again. None of them knows their last chance is a girl. Matthew Gray Gubler's girlfriend.

Word count: 5,4K

Warnings: Cursing, and funny shit so far.

A/N: Ok... I don't know if you'll ever read this shit, but I am in love with this story. So, I'll start posting it.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

::: Los Angeles, October 13th, 2010 :::

There are many ways to be locked down: quarantine, jail, or long trips. But being locked down with pretty much strangers has to be the worst. Or weirdest. Or more exciting, depending on how you see it.

Frank Iero walked fast. He was late. In his defense, Iero was always late. He didn’t try to make it on time today because he didn’t want to tour. But they had to. He just wanted to stay fucking home for a while. That’s precisely what he had said to the band when they saw the schedule for the following months. He was tremendously worn out. But he had to. The thing that made it all worse for him was knowing they had to get a new drummer, ‘cos Bob was out of the picture, and they didn’t have a replacement yet. They had tried a few guys out there, but they didn’t seem to get it. It wasn’t just playing the songs. It meant being part of it. Whatever that means.

They only had one more option on their list, and they were all hoping it would work, ‘cos they didn’t really have a lot of time to find someone else.

Ray was sitting on the floor in the practice studio, playing with his guitar, all alone in the place. It was early, and he knew it. Well, he was on time, but he knew everybody was always late for rehearsal.

- “Hello?”- a brown-haired woman walked in with a tall, thin guy and smiled- “I’m Joey. I’m here for the drummer audition.”

It sounded more like a question than a statement. Ray stood up and shook her hand, smiling.

- “Ray Toro, nice to meet you.”- he looked at the guy and shook his hand

- "Matthew Gray Gubler, my pleasure."

- "I’m sorry the rest of the guys aren’t here yet,"- Ray apologized as Joey looked around and sighed. She hated it when people were late.

- "Maybe we can go get a coffee"- Matthew suggested, and the young woman nodded- "I saw a place just around the corner."

- "Do you want one?"- she asked Ray

- "Yeah, sure"- he said, confused by her unexpected gesture.

- "How do you drink it?"

- "Lots of cream, lots of sugar"- Joey smiled and nodded.

- "Ok, Mr. Wolf. We’ll be right back"- Ray chuckled when he noticed she had gotten the Tarantino joke and watched her and who seemed to be her boyfriend walking out the room.

- "Are you sure you wanna do this?"- Joey frowned and looked at Matthew after he just shot the question while they walked out of the coffee shop.

- "What?"

- "Don’t get me wrong, it’s just that you don’t know any of those guys"

- "Yeah, I know, but they are a professional and major band! This could be great for my career"- he nodded and stared at his girlfriend, cupping her face with a hand and looking right into her eyes.

- "I just don’t want you to feel discouraged if you don’t make it"- he whispered.

- "Why wouldn’t I make it? You said I’m an excellent drummer, I’ve worked with many great bands, I’m good at my job!"

- "I know you are the best drummer, Yami"- Matthew quickly answered, trying to rearrange his words- "I’m just trying to say do your best, I know you are gonna be great."

He held her hands as he stood in front of her and looked into her eyes sweetly.

- "I’m just scared those guys are gonna break your heart."

- "Come on! If they don’t like me, it’s their loss."

Joey would say those things, but she was a nervous wreck inside. She wanted the band to love her. She needed the job, her career as a drummer really needed a boost, and since her last band had broken up, she only got small recording sessions and a few backup gigs with some bands. But that was it. Working with My Chemical Romance was just what she needed.

- "So, where’s the drummer?"- Gerard asked and looked around- "I hate when people are late, it’s rude! It shows you don’t care."

- "You just got twenty minutes late"- Mikey quickly said and raised an eyebrow at his brother- "So shut up."

- "Wait, he has a point"- Frank added and looked at Gerard for a second, who was walking around the practice studio playing with his hair- "We can be late, we are the band, he can’t be late, he is auditioning."

Ray was about to correct his friend when Joey and Matthew walked into the room.

- "Hi!"- she said and smiled- "Here’s your coffee"- Joey walked to Ray, and he thanked her immediately.

- "How much is it?"

- "Dude, don’t worry, it’s just coffee,"- meanwhile, Gerard, Frank, and Mikey shook Gubler’s hand.

- "Nice to meet you, Joey"- Frank said and looked at the guy in front of him, thinking he seemed familiar- "Wait, did you play a gig with Mellon Collie last week?"- Matthew frowned and shook his head, while Mikey turned to Joey and asked.

- "Can you get me a coffee too? I take it black with almond milk."

- "Make that two!"- Gerard said, raising his hand, and Joey looked at Ray, not getting what was going on.

- "So, Joey, we checked at your resume, and to be honest, it’s pretty impressive,"- Frank said and grabbed the sheet of paper from upon an amplifier- "You’ve played with some great bands, like the Distillers."

- "Thanks"- Joey said and smiled, but Frank raised an eyebrow at her, not getting why she had answered.

- "She is Joey"- Ray explained- "He is Matthew, her boyfriend."

- "Hi"- Joey waved, and the whole band looked at her astonished- "Yeah, girl drummer, I know…"

- "I’m sorry, I just… Joey didn’t sound like a girly name"- Frank apologized and cut her a short smile.

- "Don’t worry, it is not the first it happens"

Joey lied. It was the first time it happened. It was uncomfortable ‘cos it made her feel the band wasn’t expecting to audition a woman for the position. Maybe they didn’t want her. She thought her resume implied she was a girl, but apparently, it didn’t.

- "So… well, you’ve worked with amazing bands"- Frank repeated- "Why do you wanna work with us?"

- "Well, I admire your work. I think touring with you represents a significant challenge in my career. And mostly because I don’t have a job, and I really need one right now."- the band looked at Joey in silence until Mikey chuckled. At least he got the joke.

- "Tell us more about you,"- Gerard asked as he lit a cigarette and kept walking around the practice studio- "You can sit down if you want."

Joey nodded but didn’t move, she wasn’t feeling comfortable in the room, and a part of her wanted to stay on her feet and close to the door, ready to run away.

- "I’m from Seattle, so grunge was my biggest influence growing up. Ever since I was six, I wanted to be Matt Cameron or Jimmy Chamberlin… or Kim Gordon"- the young woman made a pause and sighed. She wasn’t feeling the love.

- "I studied music at Berklee after my first band experience, mainly because my dad said if I wanted to be in music, I had to have proper education."

- "Tell us about the bands you’ve worked with"- Ray asked.

- "I’ve worked with Dashboard Confessional; we did a small tour last summer. On the road, I’ve been with Julieta Venegas, she is an amazing Mexican musician."

- "You toured with Vampire Weekend"- Matthew added and looked at his girlfriend.

- "Right! When their drummer broke his arm. That was a fun tour"- Joey added and smiled- "Well anyway, in the studio I’ve recorded with Fiona Apple, Brody Dalle, Amanda Palmer, some small jazz bands I met in college, Johnny Lang… I’ve tried to work as many different musical genres as possible."

The band nodded and stayed in silence. Neither of them knew what to say.

- "So… do you wanna hear me play?"

- "Yeah! Sure"- Ray smiled at her, and Joey walked to the other room, at the other side of the glass, and say behind the drum set.

- "What did you prepare?"- Ray asked as Joey put on the headphones and nodded.

- "I have three songs for you to pick: “It’s not a fashion statement,” “Famous last words,” and “House of wolves.”

She looked at the band talking to each other as Matthew stood on a side and smiled sweetly. She knew things weren’t peachy so far, but she tried her best to get the job. She really needed it 'cos she was running out of savings, and she had no other job prospect but a few commercial jingles.

- "Wolves"- Gerard answered, and Joey nodded. Joey took a look at the drum and sighed. She was left-handed, and the drum was someone right-handed. Jo didn’t want to make a fuzz and change it, 'cos she felt the band wasn’t already into her. But at the same time, she wanted to kick ass and show them how good she was.

- "Just give me a second."

Joey stood up and rearranged the drum. Gerard looked at Ray, annoyed but making his best not to show. Mikey was stuck at his phone, barely paying attention to anything around him, and Frank stared at Matthew, trying to remember where he had seen him before.

- "Ready?"- Ray asked as Joey sat down again and tried the drum.

- "Yeah, much better, sorry for wasting your time"- Gerard looked at her, feeling she knew he was annoyed, and tried to change his bitchy face. It was too late for that anyway.

Joey started playing and just focused on the music, making her best. She had rehearsed the songs for weeks and even added a solo. She heard all the live versions she could and was sure she was doing a good job.

- "I don’t know, guys"- Gerard texted the band so Matthew would hear them.

- "I like her"- Ray answered

- "That’s your cock talking"- Frank answered and chuckled- "She ain’t bad, but I don’t know if she works for the band."

- "She sounds cool"- Mikey said out loud- "Maybe we could jam a little with her."

Frank and Gerard turned to him with widened eyes, surprised and embarrassed he had answered his comments aloud, so Matthew could hear.

- "Yeah, I saw the text, but talking is faster"- Gerard had to turn around to hide his face, red of anger against his brother, and make his best not to look at Matthew, who nodded and got the hint.

- "I’ll wait outside."

Frank stared at Mikey, who stood up and looked at Joey playing eyes wide shut, making her best to give a good impression. At least it worked with Mikey and Ray.

- "Thanks for making us look like an asshole"- Frank argued and huffed- "What was wrong with answering the fucking text?"

- "Dude, grow up…"- that’s all Mikey answered and stayed in silence until Joey finished the song.

She raised her eyes from the drumset and stared at the band, pretty scared of their reaction. Mikey and Ray smiled at her, while Gerard and Frank were serious and totally… annoyed? Bored? she couldn’t really figure it out.

- "Do you want me to play anything else?"- the young woman asked, afraid she was gonna get a cold no as an answer. Gerard was about to do it until he saw his brother walking over and grab his bass.

- "Wanna jam a little?"- Joey quickly smiled at Mikey, thinking maybe he liked her job, which was always a nice feeling, especially when trying to get a job.

- "Yeah! Sure!"

They played Destroya and improvised for a while. Ray joined them, and the three of them actually had fun for a good twenty minutes jamming.

- "That was pretty good"- Gerard said as he walked over and put on his dark glasses- "Unfortunately, we have to go."

- "Where?"- Mikey asked, surprised- "We had a clear schedule today."

- "Yeah, well, we totally forgot about an interview, and we are running late, so…"- he made a pause and looked at Joey.

- "Sure, I have to get going too, I have to reach the studio in an hour so…"- she stood up and shook Mikey and Ray’s hand- "Thank you so much for your time, I had a lot of fun with you."

- "Thank you for coming!"- Ray quickly answered- "I’ll walk you to the door."

- "Don’t worry, it’s just there anyway"- Joey smiled and turned to the other two guys- "Sorry for taking so much of your time. I hope you have a good day"- she shook their hands too, and they nodded with a sympathetic smile.

- "You too"- Gerard whispered.

- "And the answer is Criminal Minds"- Joey said and smiled at Frank, who looked dumbstruck- "See ya!"

And the young woman walked out.

- "Fuck! that’s it!"- Frank grumbled, and no one got why- "That’s where I’ve seen that guy."

- "What?"- Gerard asked him

- "Her boyfriend is on that tv show"- but it seemed it didn’t matter to Gerard one tiny bit.

- "Oh… who cares anyway…"- Mikey turned to his brother and punched his arm.

- "Did you have to be so annoying?"

- "I wasn’t annoying!"- Gerard nearly yelled, feeling insulted.

- "Dude! you were rude at her! and she did nothing to you!"- his brother was about to his him a lecture, but it seemed it was going to be useless, Gerard wasn’t even listening.

- "Oh! Come on! I wasn’t!"

- "Yeah, you were,"- Ray added and teamed up with Mikey- "You were a bitch, and she noticed."

- "So what?"

- "What if she felt bad about it? or what if she is pissed with us?"

- "If she is pissed, she is pissed! do you care?"

- "Why are you so mean? she was great!"- Mikey was surprised by his brother's attitude.

- "Yeah, she was good, but are you actually considering having a female drummer?"- Ray and Mikey looked at him in shock.

- "What the fuck is your problem with her being a girl?"

- "I don’t have a problem if she is a girl, a boy, or a cat. I’m just saying she is not the right choice for this band."

Ray and Mikey kept looking at him, confused. He had never been such an ass before

- "Come on, Frank, back me up here!"

- "I agree"- Iero simply said- "She was a good drummer, but… what are we gonna do with a chick on tour?"- Ray couldn’t believe his own ears.

- "Seriously? she was awesome! Perfect timing, great improvisation, and she had the ear to follow every single fucking curveball we threw her."

Gerard knew Ray was right, he heard it too, but he just didn’t want to work with Joey. Why? he didn’t know. He just looked at her and thought she couldn’t be on a bus with them, or on stage with them, or anywhere with them. As simple as that.

- "My vote is no"- he sentenced.

- "She is the best we’ve had"- Mikey argued right away- "And I’m saying yes."

- "Nope, I’m with Gerard"- Frankie claimed- "I just don’t want her in the band."

- "You fucking assholes, I’m saying yes, and it’s a tie!"- Ray felt he was five years old, calling that conversation “a tie” and arguing under those stupid terms with his friends.

- "Great! so that means no!"- of course, Gerard’s childish answer made him feel a little better about himself.

- "Seriously? What the fuck is your problem with her?"

Mikey asked his brother and stood right in front of him, just to push him to answer with the truth.

- "You said you wanted to make a fantastic show. You said you wanted to do something no one could ever expect from us, so we made this album that we love after years in the studio. It’s completely different than anything we’ve made! Do you know what would also be something no one could ever expect? having this amazing female drummer!"

- "But why her?"

- "‘Cos she is the best we’ve seen!"- Ray stepped into the conversation, trying to make some sense from Gerard and Frank.

- "Dude… I don’t know"- Iero whispered- "She was good, but… wouldn’t it be weird to have a girl on the bus with us?"

- "That’s what keeps you from saying yes?!"- Ray was honestly shocked- "Because you won’t be able to fart and walk about in your underwear?"

- "I wasn’t planning to stop any of that…"

- "Then?"

- "I don’t wanna have problems with my wife!"- Frank finally assumed and sighed- "I’ve had enough of that shit already"- the band stared at him in silence. Mikey was the only one who spoke his mind.

- "Wuss."

Matthew walked in silence, holding Joey’s hand until they reached his car. She sighed and sat at the passenger seat, thinking she didn’t want to call her parents and ask for another loan. The last time she had sworn to herself, it was never gonna happen again.

- "If they don’t hire you, it’s their loss"- Gubler finally whispered and looked at his girlfriend with a sweet glance- "You are awesome, and everybody knows it"- Joey sighed and cut him a short smile.

- "Thanks, Akumu."

- "And besides, they were assholes."

- "I know!!"- Joey waved her arms, absolutely upset- "That’s so disappointing 'cos everybody said they were so nice!"

- "Are you gonna call Tucker?"

- "I don’t know"- the young woman whispered and sighed- "He was so excited, and I don’t wanna disappoint him"

- "You did your best, Yami… maybe they didn’t want to work with a female drummer"- Joey thought about it for a moment and nodded.

- "Could be. I did my best anyway. Maybe they were all having a crappy day. Anyway, can you drive me to the studio, please? pretty, pretty, please?"- Matthew laughed and stared at his girlfriend with a warm look in his eyes.

- "Only if you kiss me first"

- "That’s blackmailing"

- "Maybe, but I’m driving, I make the rules"

- "Damn… fine! but just ‘cos I’m late"

Joey giggled and leaned in to kiss Matthew, who caressed her cheek slowly.

- "It’s gonna be ok, I promise"- he whispered, trying to comfort his girlfriend, and she nodded. She knew he was nice to her, but she still felt her life was totally out of focus.

- "Hello?"- Joey picked up her phone as she walked out of the studio after recording for the day. She was working in a small studio recording jingles. It wasn’t much, but at least she wasn’t selling drugs to survive.

- "How was it?"

- "Tucker, hey…"

- "So? When do you start? did they love you? of course, they did!"

- "Yeah… well…"

Joey didn’t want to tell his friend and break his heart. Tucker was so excited Joey was auditioning for My Chem ‘cos he knew the band for years. And though he had offered Joey to introduce her first, she refused, decided to audition under her own terms. Which sucked.

- "What?"

- "I don’t think they liked me"

- "What are you talking about? you are fantastic!"

- "You know it, I know it, but I don’t think they got it…"

- "What did they say?"

- "Nothing really, just… ok, just don’t tell them I said this, ok?"

- "Cross my heart and all that shit, what happened?"- Joey rested her back against the wall and sighed.

- "Gerard had a bitch face the whole time like he hated the guts out of me, and I don’t know why! then Frank wouldn’t even look at me, nothing, he wasn’t there, so I’m guessing neither of them wanted a female drummer, 'cos they all thought I was a guy."

- "Why?"

- "Apparently, Joey is a guy’s name"

- "So you didn’t put your real name in the application? brilliant!"

- "What for? So they can’t spell it? Anyway, can you imagine Mikey thought I was an assistant or whatever and asked me to go get him a coffee when we got there? They thought Matthew was auditioning and ignored me the whole time!"

- "Shit can’t be right! they are not like that"

- "Well, in the end, Ray and Mikey were the nicest. We jammed and had fun for a while, playing a few of their songs. But neither Gerard nor Frank even looked at us. It felt they hated me."

- "Maybe they were having a bad day, but they are very nice people."

- "Maybe… anyway… thank you for your support."

- "What are best friends for?"

- "Getting beer?"

- "Right, when are we getting beer?"- Joey smiled and sighed.

- "Next time I’m in New York or when you come to this shitty city."

- "If you hate Los Angeles so much, why don’t you move?"

- "‘Cos I’ve got my life here, I guess."

- "You know it’s just ‘cos you are dating that nerd

- "I happen to love that nerd!"- Joey laughed and shook her head, thinking Tucker didn’t even know Gubler and he already knew he was a nerd- "Anyway, gotta go, I have a class in an hour."

- "Are you taking a class?"

- "No, dude, I’m teaching in a community center in Santa Monica."

- "Aren’t you lovely! I’m proud of you!"

- "Shut up!"

- "As long as you don’t teach them to drink as we did when we toured together."

- "Hey! I’m no longer 20!"- Joey argued, laughing- "I’m a role model for those kids now!"

- "Yeah, sure! Talk to you later!"

Tucker hung down the phone and walked around his house for a minute. He loved that kid. He met her when she was still in college and toured with Thursday for a few dates with her old band. She was like a little sister to him. And it hurt to think she was wasting her talent in shitty sessions with shitty bands when she could be doing something better with her skills. Something meaningful. And it honestly made him angry to think his friends had been mean to her.

- "Hey, dude!"- Gerard picked up the phone, excited to see Tucker’s name on the screen.

- "Hey! why were you an asshole today?"- Gerard frowned and took out his sunglasses. He was in his backyard smoking, and he was not getting what his friend was talking about

- "Sorry, what?"

- "You were an asshole today with my friend"

- "Dude, I’m gonna need more information"

- "I asked Joey to audition for your band because I thought you would value her talent, and you ignored her?"

- "I didn’t ignore her… wait!"- Gerard wasn’t getting what was going on- "You know her?"

- "Of course! for the last… shit, I don’t know, like five or six years, we toured together, I taught her a lot, she is like my little sister!"

- "Yeah, she is an excellent drummer, but… I don’t feel she is suitable for the band."

- "Why?"

- "‘Cos… she has tits"- Gerard whispered, and Tucker made one long eternal pause.

- "Wow… ok, I see why she said you were an asshole."

- "She did?!"- Gerard felt so insulted he clenched his fist.

- "And she wasn’t wrong. I’m so sorry I asked her to go to your audition. It was a waste of her time."

Tucker hung down the phone and dialed Frank. He knew he had been pretty hard on Gerard, so he made his way to stay calm and not yell, at least not right away.

- "Ho, man!"

- "Hey Frank, listen, my friend, Joey was today auditioning for your drummer position. How was that?"

- "Joey? The girl? Do you know her?"

- "Yeah, I set the audition for her, actually. She is one of my closest friends, so how was it?"

Frank looked around at Ray smoking next to him in a small bar, then took a sip of his beer and decided the best thing to do was clear: lying.

- "She was awesome. Too bad the position is already taken 'cos she was real good"

- "I see, and that’s why you acted like an asshole?"

- "I didn’t!"- Frank knew he was busted

- "Dude, she told me everything. You didn’t even look at her!"

Ray’s phone hummed, and he read the text Gerard had sent them: “The chick is friends with Tucker. She sold us.” Toro chuckled and looked at Frank red in anger, trying to explain to his friend why he had been mean.

- “Too little too late”- Ray typed and sent the text. Mikey read them and chuckled while he ate a bowl of cereal and milk back in his house.

- "They deserve it for being assholes"- he said out loud and sighed.

He looked around at his home and realized he was talking all alone. His wife wasn’t around. His wife was never around anymore. But that was something Mikey didn’t want to think about, not then, not never.

- "Can you believe that bitch?"- Frank turned to Ray as soon as he hung down with Tucker- "She called our friend to snitch on us."

- "Well, you kinda deserved it"- Ray simply answered and sipped his beer- "You and Gerard should apologize to her."

- "No way, can we just let it pass?"- Iero was honestly upset as he lit another cigarette and remained in silence for a moment- "She was excellent, I give you that, but I don’t fucking want a girl in the band right now"

- "To avoid arguing with Jamia?"

- "Yeah! Shit has been hard lately, and I don’t want her to be threatened by anyone anymore"- Ray looked at his friend, nodding.

- "We should all talk about this seriously, we only got a week before the first show, and we have to rehearsal with the new drummer."

- "I know"- their cell phone hummed again, and they all read the exact text.

- "Meeting in my house now"- Gerard sighed as soon as he read his brother’s text. He surely knew what it was all about, and he had no intention to continue that argument, though he had absolutely no choice.

- "I hope Mikey at least asks for pizza"- he stood up and walked inside the house- "Honey, I’m going to Mikey’s"- he announced as he walked into his wife art studio and found her working on a collage on her desk

- "Say hello to your brother from me, hey! can you pick something for dinner?"

- "Sure, I’ll see you later"- he kissed her lips and cut her a short smile

- "Wait, turn around"- she asked, and he slowly moved over- "What happened?"

- "Nothing"- Lynz raised an eyebrow and waited for the honest answer- "We just had a bad audition for a drummer this morning. It turns out she was friends with Tucker Rule, and he called me an asshole for being mean to her."

- "Were you mean to her?"- Gerard made a long pause and stared at his wife’s expression change- "Why did you do that?"

- "I don’t know! I just didn’t like her!"

- "Was she right?"

- "Yeah"

- "Was she nice?"

- "Yes"

- "Was she hot?"

- "No! definitely not!"

- "Then what was the problem?"

- "She is the best we’ve had so far, but I don’t wanna turn everything we’ve been working on into “they are working with a girl” and get the attention away from the music."- Lynz nodded as she listened to her husband’s words.

- "You are making it seem like no one had ever had a female drummer or musician on stage before."

- "No, it’s not that, it’s just that…"- Gerard thought his answer carefully- "We haven’t, and we are so deep into the spot I’m afraid it will impact our show the wrong way"- Lynz made a pause and stared at her husband’s face

- "What did the band say?"

- "Frank is with me, and Ray and Mikey disagree."

- "Why is Frank with you?"

- "‘Cos he thinks having a girl on the bus is weird."

- "I was the girl in a band, and it wasn’t weird at all!"

Gerard knew that would be the subject in the conversation eventually as soon as he started talking about this with his wife.

- "I think you are acting kinda selfish and a little sexist."

- "No, we are just trying to do what’s best for the band."

- "Do whatever you want. I’m just giving you my opinion."

Gee felt Lynz was judging him. And he knew he would never win that fight.

- "I’m gonna talk about it with the band"

- "Ok, see you for dinner"- Gerard kissed his wife again and walked away feeling like a douche.

Had he been an asshole with that girl?

And besides, Gerard had lied to his wife when she asked if the girl was hot, ‘cos he actually thought so. He would never admit it in front of her anyway. And neither in front of anyone else. Never.

Matthew waited for Joey outside the community center, where she taught drums for kids in need as a way to keep them from being in the street and teaching him a new skill. He thought that was amazing and felt pretty proud of his girlfriend for giving the community her time and knowledge. He waved at her as she walked outside and cut her a big smile.

- "Hey! I didn’t know you were picking me up today!"

- "I wanted to surprise you and cheer you up!"- Joey leaned over and kissed Matthew sweetly.

- "Thank you so, so much!"

- "I’m the best boyfriend. I know."

- "What’s the plan?"

- "Wanna ask for Chinese and watch a movie at my place?"- it was a bit disappointing plan ‘cos that was pretty much every day in their routine, but Joey smiled and nodded.

- "As long as I pick the horror movie tonight, sounds perfect."

After a few minutes of driving, Matthew turned to his girlfriend and whispered.

- "I forgot tomorrow we’ll have table reading. We are gonna start shooting this week. I’m sorry I won’t be able to hang out so often."

- "Don’t worry, you have to work, and I need to get a new extra job ‘cos it’s obvious and I didn’t get the MCR shit…"- her cell phone interrupted her as she spoke. An unlisted number was calling- "Hello?"

- "Joey… Svein… björn...dottir?"

- "Yes?"- her last name was mispronounced entirely, but she was pretty used to that.

- "Hi, I’m Ray Toro, from My Chemical Romance."

- "Hey, Ray! How are you?"- Gubler wide opened his eyes as he turned to his girl for a second. She was honestly surprised the band was calling her.

- "Good! listen… I hope I’m not interrupting."

- "Not, it’s cool"- Gerard turned around and walked the other way just ‘cos he didn’t want to see Ray do what he was about to do.

- "Great, the band and I were talking, and we want you to come to the studio tomorrow to do a second tryout… do they even call it “tryouts”? more like an audition, I think."- Ray started rambling as Joey wide opened her eyes in shock.

- "Sorry, what? do you want me there again?"

- "Yeah, so we can jam a little, try a few new things. We are having trouble deciding on one drummer, so we need a bit more info. Besides, we couldn’t finish today so… can you come tomorrow at ten?"

- "Noon"- Frank said, thinking he didn’t feel like waking up early to meet that chick.

- "Sorry, at noon"- Ray corrected, embarrassed.

- "Noon…"- Joey had absolutely nothing to do at noon, but she wanted to make believe she had a life- "I think I can move a few things… to meet you."

- "Awesome! See you tomorrow"- Joey turned to Matthew as soon as she hung down and nearly screamed.

- "They want to see me again!!! I can’t believe it"- the young woman jumped on the seat completely excited- "I thought they hated…"- but suddenly, it hit her.

- "Congrats, Yami!!"- Matthew yelled and grabbed her knee, which was all he could do, considering he was driving.

- "No, it wasn’t me. It was Tucker."

- "Did you call him?"

- "He called. I didn’t want to tell him about the shitshow I was through this morning"- Joey grabbed her phone again and looked for the last number that called.

- "What are you doing?"

- "I’m canceling. I’m not gonna go if they are only doing this ‘cos my friend forced them."

- "What?! no! just go and kick their asses!"- Matthew quickly grabbed the phone from Joey’s and hid it in his pocket, far from her reach- "You are going tomorrow, and you are proving them wrong."

- "I don’t want to! Akumu! Come on! it’s gonna be embarrassing and awkward to see them knowing Tucker called them to get me a second chance!"

- "No! It’s gonna be awesome ‘cos you are gonna kick ass!!"

Joey whined for another while, honestly trying to get out of that awkward situation. But by the time they reached Matthew’s, he had convinced her she had to do it.

[drycinnamontoastcrunch]

A Heart to big- A Sander Sides Fic

Warning: this Fic has a lot of stuff mentioned in it. And involves a panic attack. Bullying,depression, self harm, misgendering, “homophobia” (kinda) once again they are all just mentioned. (Other then pAnic attacks. That thing happens) 

This might be me projecting myself a little to much. Just had a rough week, with lots of ups and downs. 

(To be clear this is not Roman or Logan hate. They just fit the best for the types of people they were embodying) 

Patton had been fine. Good in fact.

That was, until he wasn’t.

He had been called down to the basement by his parents, he had gotten in trouble at church for covering for Dee. They just didn’t get it, Patton hadn't meant to make is such a mess, he Hadn’t meant to disappoint them.

They thought it would be just like every other lecture. He thought he would be able to handle coving it all up, smiling till it was over.

Boy was he wrong.

“Trisha,” his Dad said calmly, “we know we raised you to be a good kid.”

God he hated it when his Dad got like this. He was able to be so calm all the time. Every word perfectly phrased like life was a presentation and He was the only one with the note cards. It made all your sentences look like a baby could have said them better.

Patton opened his mouth to speak, no words came out.

“Here let me ask this question,” Logan-Dad-, said after a moment of waiting, “Do you know why lying is bad?”

Of course he did! What type of question was that! Patton wanted to yell, to scream until his lungs give out but… he… couldn’t.

“You have such a big heart.” His Papa- Roman- said a sad smile spreading across his face. He hated it when Papa got like this. When he let his emotions fill the room like a thick gas. Making every emotion you feel turn into his.

Why can’t they see that that’s the problem! Pattons heart was to big. It felt too much. It felt, everything.

He tried to say it. He tried to speak. But all that came out was puffs. Why couldn’t he talk.

“You always used to be so good with words, it was quite a gift.” His Papa said. Patton could hear his voice became more strained. How it sounded before he cried.

No. Stop. Please don’t cry! Patton huffed.

Why couldn’t he talk!

His eyes became unfocused.

No! Not this! Not now!

I can not have a panic attack!

He needed his brother!

He needed Virgil,

After much effort Patton was finally able to speak three words

“I-I need-d Virgil.” His voice was quiet and broken.

“No I want this to just be between us.” His Dad stated simply.

What! What does that mean?

Patton couldn’t take it. The pressure is his brain was building, he could feel it, he was going to blow. Like a bottle that has been shaken far it many times about to be opened by unsuspecting victims. They didn’t deserve this, he couldn’t let them see him like this.

All the years of panic attacks on the floors of public bathrooms.

All the years of skipping meals and wrapping his chest.

All the years lying about grades and making up good days.

All the fake smiles.

Patton couldn’t breath, he couldn’t think. His vision was tunneling. All he could see was a book from across the room. They had gotten it on a beach vacation, come and gone.

Patton remembers the swim suit, how wrong it felt.

The tightness, the girliness.

His parents were talking but he was fading.

His Papa said something about him shaking.

His Dad said something about him being scared.

He was falling and once again everything kept on going.

They didn’t need him, no matter how much he wanted to be needed.

He couldn’t trust them, no matter how much he wanted to open up.

A quote from his old best friend. His one true supporter echoed through his head,

“Your parents are the moot homaphobic gay people I’ve ever met.”

Then he heard his dad,

“We worked so hard on the name we picked for you.”

And then he was spiraling.

He was remembering the day Virgil had told Patton about the plans to kill himself.

He remembered the bullies from his table calling him fat.

Everything in him was gone.

All the fight drained out of him.

He couldn’t talk.

He couldn’t breath.

He was going to die here.

On the basement couch.

Surrounded by complete strangers.

And then asong popped into his head.

The one he had heard by accident all those years ago.

The exact opposite type of music anyone would guess he listened to.

When I was a young boy.

My father took me into the city.

To see a marching band.

He said son when you grow up.

Will you be.

The savour of the broken.

The beaten and net damned.

Patton wanted to sing it. But his mouth was still clamped shut.

So he began to hum.

“Okay sing it to us, honey,” Papa says softly, a hand on Patton's knee, “if you can’t put it into words, sing it.”

Patton pulled out his phone and pressed play on Black parade by MCR.

Hands shaking.

Mouth dry.

His was the most open he had been with anyone ever.

Right now in this moment.

He said will you defeat them.

Your demons.

And all the nonbelievers.

The plans that they have made.

“Science shows it’ll help to get moving, come on, I’ll help get your shoes on.” Dad said just as the song began.

What. No.

Listen.

Because one Day I’ll leave you.

A phantom to lead you in the summer.

To join the black parade.

So you hear it.

They were putting on his shoes.

No. No. No. No.

God listen! Please.

Sometimes I get the feelin'

She's watchin' over me

And other times I feel like I should go

And through it all, the rise and fall

The bodies in the streets

And when you're gone, we want you all to know

Papa leaned into the song for a moment but then seemed distracted as Patton got up.

He wasn’t even moving himself.

We'll carry on, we'll carry on.

And though you're dead and gone, believe me.

Your memory will carry on.

We'll carry on.

And in my heart, I can't contain it.

The anthem won't explain it.

“Come on let's March like the black parade, huh?” Papa joked. No. No.

Don’t joke. I. Just. Poured. My. Heart. Out.

The walk was nice,

But the rest of the day was a blur.

Maybe Patton told the truth.

Or maybe they were just a more complex version of the same old lies.

And here everyone in the neighborhood thought Dee was dangerous.

But in reality, the real master of deceit.

Was right there the whole time.

And has just poured his whole heart out.