#in my defense the fanfic is probably gay

[booksandpaperss]

imagine if the events of stranger things happened when ao3 first started being around solely so that Mike could do the classic ao3 author cliche of abandoning his fic for 5 years and then updating it with an authors note saying “hey guys bet u thought I was dead 😎 sorry this took so long my best friend literally got kidnapped and then possessed by an eldritch horror that turned out to be controlled by some fucked up dude and it turned into a whole war everyone in my hometown and all my friends and family almost died lol anyways here have some angst of me projecting my childhood trauma and PTSD into this today #winning”

[olderthannetfic]

I have really mixed feelings about the small proportion of F/F fiction (original or fanfic), because yeah sure, people have their desires, they should write what they want, I get it. It all works out when I hear it from person to person. But somehow the logic only ever applies in one direction? "There are more male protagonists because men only care about male characters! Women also mostly care about male characters, because that's the majority of characters they get!" And then somehow we also yet kvetch when men write female characters (because it's incorrectly or something, nevermind if women are writing male characters correctly). Why don't we expect gay men to feel compelled only by femslash for the same reasons (but gender swapped) as the lesbian slashers/fujoshi? All of those very rational justifications are applied selectively, "for me for not for thee," and it all only leads to "idk I just don't wanna write femslash", for Reasons. Do we get to call them microaggressions yet?

--

No, you don't get to call other people's fantasy life a microaggression.

That is indeed "for me but not for thee" in the sense that you get to want what you want but other people aren't supposed to follow their id.

Do you also police gay men who spend too much time on drag and obsessing over female divas? That's an actual real world behavior that's somewhat equivalent. It frequently goes unchallenged, at least by progressives, because men are allowed to do whatever they want with chick stuff, while women are "stealing" if they dare to stray into dude stuff.

(God, I've seen so much more policing of drag kings being ~problematic~ for acting out stereotypical gender than policing of drag queens for the same. It's nuts!)

Fujoshi are often queer, but it's absurd to think we're mostly lesbians. We tend to be bi or asexual women with gender stuff going on, though there is a mix of everybody, including lesbians. There are also a lot of AFAB non-women who get lumped in with us. On the rare occasions I find a man willing to admit to being a similar demographic, he usually does like gender play in his hobbies and entertainment. It's just that men face even more pressure than women do to fit into tidy categories. Bi women get told we're whores. Bi men are told they don't exist.

Yes, I know plenty of lesbians who write more m/m than f/f, but in the big picture of all of AO3 or all of fanfic or all of media, they aren't the demographic driving these numbers. They're vastly outnumbered by the bi women, the asexual women, and the straight and gnc women.

The men we should be looking at as an equivalent aren't cis gay men but bicurious soy boys and the like.

Do most of us fujoshi object to equivalent men doing an equivalent thing? I've seen it sometimes, and I agree it's hypocritical. I'd like us to afford men the same ability to play and take on identities in their art. I remember enjoying Ranma fandom back in the day and reading quite a lot of f/f that was probably by men. It had some of that same sense of distance and fantasy that I so enjoy in m/m aimed at fujoshi. (I do consume some by-cis-gay, for-cis-gay content, both m/m and f/f, but it's often too literal and too bound up in specific named identities for my taste.)

On average, the people I see complaining most about men producing f/f material are the same people who think that because I have a clit, I should center my life around women exclusively. In other words, people spouting radfem ideology, perhaps on purpose or perhaps without realizing.

I do agree that some of the ways of expressing a lack of desire to write femslash can get pretty douchey. I want us to move away from some of the less accurate ones like "There are no compelling female characters" because of this.

But the reason for all these jerkass explanations is that women and people perceived as women who like m/m are constantly asked to explain ourselves. These aren't usually microaggressions: they're openly hostile. People get defensive and try to answer with important-sounding reasons about identity and pain because society at large won't accept "I like this" as the true explanation.

Pleasure is never enough of a reason for a woman to do something.

[ieatstarsforaliving]

The Fucking Fight Club (2)

Summary: Hazel tries to control her powers during the first fight club. But because she's a loser, she fucks up. A lot.

Pairing: Spider-Woman!Hazel Callahan x Classmate!Reader

Warnings: Mature language, use of (Y/N), mild violence, mentions of bruises and blood

Word Count: 3866

Note: Okay I know I gave y'all the first chapter yesterday but you guys surprised me with so much likes, I quickly whipped up the next chapter. The ending is kind of bad but lmfao idc. It's extra long cause I probably can't write until next weekend due to fucking midterms. I wish I could drop out and write fanfics all day long. But life is unfair to the gays. - Bia <3

“Okay, before we actually do this, I want Hazel to practice controlling her punches.” 

Josie had dragged PJ and Hazel to a hiking trail in the nearest forest. This wouldn’t have been mandatory if Hazel didn’t have the super-strength to murder a human with a single blow, but since she did, Josie wasn’t about to let the feminist self-defense fight club happen without a bit of rehearsal. 

“Fine, mom.” PJ rolled her eyes. She was used to Josie’s dramatic cautiousness, but this seemed like a waste of time. She turned to Hazel and offered her face. “Hazel, just relax, and punch me.”

Hazel did a double take. “Punch… punch you?”

“Okay, I don’t like that tone. I know how to take a punch. Something people would always say is ‘PJ knows how to take a punch.’ Come on up.”

“PJ, she literally beat up a grown man with metal octopus arms last week. And the week before that, a man made of indestructible sand. You remember that? On the news? You might know how to take a punch, but you don’t know how to take her punch.”

“That’s why we’re practicing!”  

“I meant like practice on a tree or something.” Josie waved towards the nearest tree, standing about 25 feet tall. “Hit a tree, Hazel.” 

Hazel shrugged, before pulling back and punching into the middle of the tree. In a split second, the tree quaked under the assault, its massive frame crackling under the exact spot of Hazel’s fist. The bark gave away first, exploding outward in a radial pattern. When she retracted her hand, there was a massive dent on the thick body of the tree, jagged fault lines extending from the center of the impact. 

PJ’s eyes widened. “Holy fuck. That could have been my face.” 

Josie shook her head. “Okay, so, obviously, you have to calm down. By a lot. Try the same thing, but like, weaken it?” 

Hazel nodded. She then gently tapped the tree with her fist. 

Josie shook her head again. “That was clearly too weak.” 

Hazel sighed. “I don’t know if I can do this, guys. I’m so used to punching psychopathic criminals who want to kill me, so I’m always using at least 90% of my strength.” 

“Which is why I brought this.” Josie pulled out a piece of paper from her bag. It turned out to be your face printed on an A4 sheet with a speech bubble that read, ‘punch me!’ “Now, hear me out—”

“-Actually, this is brilliant,” PJ said, taking the paper from Josie’s hands. She taped it to the tree and presented it to Hazel. “Imagine the tree is (Y/N). She’s standing in front of you. She’s sexy, she's wearing a bikini, she’s ready to learn, and she’s asking you to punch her. What do you do?” 

Hazel stared at the tree with your face on it. In spite of this entire scenario being outrageously stupid, Hazel’s eyes fixated on the piece of paper, trying to immerse herself in your 2D face. It seemed to be a copy from last year’s yearbook, one that she had spent many hours staring at. She felt weirdly guilty as she wrinkled her eyebrows.

“I don’t really want to punch her.”

“Well, you have to! This is for feminism!” PJ groaned when she saw the hesitancy in Hazel’s face. “Hazel, women like strong, protective people. Why do you think there’s a hulk shrine in the girl’s second floor bathroom? You punch (Y/N) straight in the face, and she’ll immediately fall in love with you.” 

“Well–”

“-She will, Josie.” 

Hazel nodded. It was worth a try. If she wanted to wrestle with you in this club, she had to try. With a measured breath, Hazel extended her arm, fingers curling into a tight fist. She delivered a punch, focusing on her strength rather than causing harm. The moment of impact was firm but gentle, almost considerate towards the tree’s bark. It was as if the tree had barely registered the encounter, although its leaves were left shaking. She turned to her friends. 

“Perfect,” PJ whispered, her eyes glistening in awe. “Let’s go beat some bitches up.”

“Not how I’d word it,” Josie muttered. 

That afternoon, you were taking a hike in the same forest with Isabel and Brittany. It was quite calming, walking and talking with your friends in the middle of a beautiful forest. Birds were chirping, winds were breezing– And you guys were completely alone, since nobody really came here, and if they did, it was usually after sunset to do drugs and film porn. 

The three of you reached the midpoint of the trail to take a small break, when Brittany pointed at a nearby tree. 

“Hey, isn’t that…” 

You followed her finger to a tall tree that seemed to be beaten up by someone, with its bark splintered and smashed by a form of impact. And in the middle of its trunk, was a photo of you, with a speech bubble that read ‘punch me!’. 

Your heart dropped. 

“Oh my god, (Y/N), somebody wants to kill you,” Isabel gasped. She walked up to the tree and ripped the paper off. “Isn’t this from our yearbook?” 

You reached out to take the paper from Isabel’s hand and inspected it closely. It was indeed a page from the previous year’s yearbook, with your smiling face captured in a freeze-frame moment of your junior days. The speech bubble, however, had been added later, which meant that someone had deliberately printed your face, edited it, and pinned it to a tree to violently punch it out. 

You felt a chill down your body. Who could have done this? You knew it was hard to be friends with everyone from school– but who would despise you enough to do this vicious and also slightly weird property damage to nature? 

“We should report it or something, like to a park ranger,” Brittany offered, sensing your panic.  

“No, They’re just going to tell us not to come back here wearing shorts,” You sighed. There were no cameras on the trail or anything, and the park rangers were men who were probably going to comment on your appearance instead of the actual problem at hand. “I have to do something about this by myself.” 

You needed protection. No, you needed to learn how to protect yourself. You needed teachers who could help you protect yourself from evil highschool men. 

You needed Hazel Callahan. 

You turned to your friends with a determined face, masking your fear before saying;

“Do you guys want to join a self-defense club with me?”

 Isabel and Brittany paused, exchanged glances, then nodded. 

“What the fuck. These girls are ugly.”

It was the first club meeting for the feminist self-defense fight club, and there were exactly 8 girls waiting in the gym. Absolutely no sign of you. Hazel laid on the gym mats, trying not to show her disappointment. She reached for her phone, staring at your number in her contacts. She never got to texting you because she was panicking over what to say one night, and was busy fighting off muggings and carjackings every other night. 

“Are you stressed? Cause I’m stressed,” Josie muttered, as the advisor for the club hopped in, earning a sharp breath from Hazel. 

“Hey, ladies! Let’s get it poppin’ in this motherfucker.”

Hazel blinked. Mr. G was the advisor for this club? 

This was going to be absolutely horrendous. 

“Alright, uhm… hello, everybody,” Josie tried, looking around the gym filled with girls jumping on trampolines, hula-hooping, scooting, and balance-balling. “Okay, excuse me, sorry, I feel- sorry–” 

“-EVEVRYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP.” PJ hit the floor with a broom, each collision echoing through the space with a ‘BANG’. 

“This isn’t a little hangout, okay? Oh it’s not a sleepover or playtime. There are serious rules that we need to establish, okay? 

“First? Listen to Hazel.” 

Hazel lifted her hand in a subtle gesture. 

“Second? Be on time. Except for you,” PJ pointed to Mr. G. “You come whenever you want. What time is it?”

“3:30–-” 

“-3:30! Club starts at 3:15. Not 3:16, not 3:17. But the door closes at 3:15. No exceptions!”

Hazel smiled. Other than the fact that they were the ones who were actually late, PJ was doing amazing, putting authority towards the three girls and setting the ambiance. PJ could be a menace sometimes most of the time, but when she wanted to get shit done, she got shit done. Hazel was almost too distracted by PJ’s rant—

“-I don’t care, if you’re like, oh, but I had to go get extra help for math because I need to get a full ride because my mom lives in a trailer and she loves her boyfriend more than me, bleh blah blarh blargh– Shut up. My dad left me and I’m incredibly punctual–”

–That she didn’t even notice you walking into the gym with Isabel and Brittany following closely behind. When she did notice, her heart seemed to pick up speed, her lips curling into a smile even without realizing. Josie recognized the smile– one that Hazel only had when she was talking about her crush— and Josie turned around, motioning to PJ that the holy trinity had entered the gym. 

Your eyes met with Hazel’s, and you waved in acknowledgement. She almost dropped her notebook as she looked around to check if you were waving to someone else, and then she fumblingly waved back. You giggled. Hazel had this face that effortlessly radiated innocent charm. You weren’t sure why, but you were drawn to her slightly nerdy demeanor. (it’s called being gay)

“Hey, guys. Come on in,” PJ rasped. “Uh… we’re just getting started here.” 

You walked to Hazel and stood beside her. “Sorry we’re late,” you apologized. 

The three girls shook their heads. “Don’t worry about it—”

“-Uhm, the rules were for next week, but this week is good–”

“-Yeah, no worries, take it easy.” 

Annie seemed confused. “Okay, I just want to make sure– This is a self-defense class, right? Where we can learn to protect ourselves against football players.”

“And the criminals that Spider-Woman has been fighting? Cause, uhm, crime rate has been going up so criminals are gonna pork us. They’re gonna pork us.”

“I thought we were fighting each other for money. There’s a cash prize, right?” 

“I thought this was to be a part of like a local, underprivileged female community.” 

“My identity is completely attached to hers so I just go wherever she goes.”

“I thought I could learn how to protect myself. Cause I’m pretty sure someone’s trying to kill me,” You added. 

“What?” Hazel turned, her eyes filled with worry. 

“Everyone’s here for a good reason!” Josie laughed. “So, you know, why are we nitpicking reasons?” 

“Yeah! So, let’s jump in. Hazel, why don’t you take it away?” 

“Uh.” 

PJ and Josie stepped back and began clapping. Everyone else followed along into a scattered and confused applause. Hazel walked to the front, opening up her notebook to the page reading ‘Self-Defense Club.’ 

“Okay. Hi. I’m Hazel. And I’m going to teach you guys how to fight. Maybe throw some punches. Some kicks.”

There was a bit of silence, maybe a single cough. PJ spoke up.

“(Y/N), since you’re closest to Hazel, why don’t you volunteer and step up?” 

You shrugged. “Sure.” 

You weren’t completely sure what was going on or how exactly Hazel was going to teach self-defense, but you dropped your backpack to the floor and walked towards Hazel, who looked incredibly afraid of what was going to happen next. She looked over your shoulders to PJ and Josie. 

PJ mouthed the words, ‘Punch her. She’s the tree. Punch her.’

Hazel sent signals through her eyes meaning, ‘I can’t– I’m not gonna punch her.’ 

PJ continued to mouth the words, ‘Punch her. Hulk shrine. Imagine her wearing a bikini.’ 

Hazel’s face contorted with disbelief, her eyebrows raised in surprise, and her mouth slightly agape. Was she actually going to punch the girl that she’d been crushing on for years? Was this really the way to do it? She tried to ignore PJ who was now mouthing ‘punch your virginity away’ and instead curled her hands into fists, imagining the tree, the print-out of your face saying ‘punch me!’, you wearing a bikini, your smile, your wave, your eyes, your body—

-While you stood beside her, wondering why Hazel looked like she was about to shit herself. You began to open your mouth to ask if she was okay. 

“Hazel—”

—And she flung her fist to your face. 

You didn’t even register what had happened until a sharp burst of pain radiated from your nose, and you found yourself laying on the floor of the gym. You heard gasps and shouts and something about Mr. G trying to shut the club down (“Hey hey hey hey hey– I don’t know about this shit-”) as you slowly sat up, tasting liquid metal. The pain began to spread to the rest of your face as your eyes blurred up, leaving you momentarily stunned and struggling to regain your composure. 

“Fuck, (Y/N)- I’m so sorry-” a horrified voice rang in front of you, and you felt a warm hand against your cheek. The hand seemed to be shaking, and you wiped your hazy eyes to see Hazel kneeling beside you, her expression embedded with guilt. “Oh my god. Oh my god.” 

“You didn’t even warn her!” Annie screamed. 

PJ shrugged. “Okay, we didn’t get warnings in juvie. Juvie was way crazier. One time, this girl’s punching me in the rain. Fall to my knees. It’s muddy. I get up– I’m blind. Punch her right in the middle of her face. Broke her fucking nose.” 

“Pretty sure Hazel broke (Y/N)’s nose too,” Annie grumbled. 

Isabel hurriedly handed you a couple of paper towels as Mr. G pushed the crowd to assess the situation. 

“Let me see her,” Mr. G ordered, gasping when he saw the amount of blood coming from your nose. “Oh, shit, man, we gotta shut this down.” 

“No, No—” 

“-Shut this shit down. Shut it down—” 

“-No, Don’t blow the whistle– Don’t blow the whistle!” Josie yelled. Everyone went silent, turning their attention from you to Josie. “I know that, you know– this is a little messy and bloody right now— Hazel, can you take (Y/N) to the nurse’s office–  but like, the only way that we can learn how to defend ourselves is by teaching each other.” 

Josie continued on with her little speech as Isabel and Brittany offered to take you to the nurse. But Hazel denied their help, rambling something about how this was all her fault. She picked you up fairly easily to your surprise, bridal style, and carried you out of the gym. You clutched onto her and rested your aching face into her stomach, feeling embarrassed.

When you arrived at the office, the nurse had gone home already, leaving Hazel to place you on the examination bed and find the medical kit. She seemed really anxious as you touched your face, your hand coming back dripping in red. 

“God, juvie really taught you how to punch, huh,” You joked, battling your agony with humor. Hazel didn’t laugh. Instead she grabbed a cloth and ran it under the sink water, indulging the silence. You tried again. “Hazel.” 

It was ignored once again as Hazel kneeled in front of you and started cleaning your face, her thumb gently holding your chin. She was very obviously avoiding your gaze with the best of her ability. 

“Hazel, look at me.”

Hazel finally looked up to your eyes. She looked like a child knowing that she was about to be reprimanded or put on time out— and you almost felt sorry for Hazel, even though you were the one bleeding out. She seemed to grimace as you opened your mouth, getting ready to be shouted at. But instead, you asked;

“Why didn’t you message me?”

Hazel paused. 

“I gave you my number. You didn’t message me,” You said again, completely serious. “You don’t like me?” 

“No, I like you!” Hazel exclaimed. Her cheeks turned into a shade of pink as she tried to reword the sentence. “I mean, I don’t don’t like you, I… I’m really sorry. I wasn’t sure if you even wanted to come to the club, and I’m sure you don’t want to anymore-”

“-No, I want to.” You interrupted. “I mean, my face hurts like a bitch, but… it was a solid punch. And I really do need to learn how to defend myself like that. I think someone’s trying to kill me, so I want to be ready.”

Hazel cocked her head. “Is someone attacking you? Do you need help?” 

You shook your head. “Not exactly, but I did see my face taped onto a tree, and someone had hit it really, really hard. Like, incredibly hard. Maybe with a rock, or something? I don’t know. I think it might be a death threat.”

Color seemed to drain out of Hazel’s face. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you–” You explained, mistaking Hazel’s pale skin as fear. “Listen, I’m not angry at you. Well, okay, I am a little, I think you could have warned me about the punch, at least, but… I know that you’re still recovering from your past and you’re probably on edge all the time.” 

Hazel nodded along, as it was partially true– she was on edge, but mainly because you were staring down at her with blood on your face and you still managed to look hot as fuck. She choked on her words before saying, “Still, I shouldn't have punched you like that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m really sorry.” 

You smiled. “This is the whole point of the club though, right? You punch me, I punch you… and we become stronger together– ow.” 

You winced when the cloth touched a particular spot on your nose bridge, being reminded of your injury. 

“Shit, sorry, here—” Hazel instantly dropped the cloth. She carefully cupped your face, examining your wound with sincere worry. She was used to seeing wounds on herself, but seeing them on a person that she liked— seeing them on you, made her particularly upset. 

You were surprised to see Hazel being so serious. Every time you tried to talk to her, she was either nervous or punching you. To see her so focused on your face made you feel a bit self-conscious, leading you to comment on her skills to break the silence.

“You seem to have a lot of experiences patching someone up. Do you do this often?” 

She chuckled, “You have no idea.” 

You assumed she was talking about juvie, and you recalled seeing the bruises on her face the last time you talked to her. Was Hazel still having problems with crime even after prison? You stared at her, your heart throbbing with sympathy for Hazel. What struggles had she faced in her past for her to learn to punch so strongly, to patch up bruises, and to always be nervous around others? 

Hazel pulled away from you, finishing up the basic patch-up. She started putting the medical kit away as you caught sight at the mirror across from you.

“Great. I look awful.” You sighed, lingering on your reflection.

“No, you don’t.”

Hazel tore her eyes away from the kit and responded, as if you had said something completely out of reality. You laughed and shook your head, looking at the floor.

“No, my face is a complete mess–” 

“-You look pretty.” 

You tore your eyes off from the floor to Hazel. She was staring at you with a soft look in her eyes, one that you felt yourself getting lost in. She had such… honesty within them, as if she fully believed your beauty underneath the red and blue color. 

“You always do.”

And for a moment you wondered how you had never truly seen Hazel before— when the soft glow from the sun streamed through the window, casting a warm light over the two of you. Hazel’s brown hair, cascading into a messy mullet, framed her face which seemed to be burning up each second that passed. 

“...you too,” You muttered, a shy smile replacing your dumbstruck expression. “I hope you know that.”

Then it was her turn to gawk, at you and your hands timidly placed on your legs which dangled from the examination bed. She was reminded of her crush that had been sitting in her heart for years. She had just spent 5 minutes in a room alone with you— and for a second, she was almost glad that she punched you. 

And all of a sudden, Hazel seemed to recognize the lack of space between the two of you. Had you been this close to her this entire time? Your face was just inches apart from hers, and time seemed to stretch as you two gazed at each other, hearts thumping in unison. It was as if the wall Hazel had managed to build around her feelings towards you crumbled within this moment. Hazel’s lips parted, just a fraction, as if inviting the inevitable to say—

“-The club isn’t being shut down!” 

The office door swung open with a bang. 

Hazel immediately leaped back from you, as you whipped your face towards PJ and Josie who stopped in their celebratory tracks, analyzing the odd tension from the room.

“Oh, sorry, we thought–” Josie gaped, rubbing the back of her head in awkwardness. “How are you doing, (Y/N)?” 

“I’m doing okay, actually. I should go. But I’ll see you later, bye.” You hopped down from the bed and started walking out of the room, talking a bit too fast for anyone’s comfort. You almost fell over while you ran down the hallway, unable to accept what had just unfolded. What was that? You almost— you almost kissed a girl. You almost kissed Hazel Callahan.

In the meantime, Hazel was also mortified at the fact PJ and Josie had interfered right then and there. She hid her face with her hands which her friends mistook for anger.

Josie tried to calm her down, “Okay, I know that today was kind of a disaster and you made (Y/N) bleed, but after you left we managed to grow the spirit. Everyone’s into beating each other up now. It’s kind of working.”

“And, I honestly don’t know what just went on right now but… (Y/N) just said she’ll ‘see you later’. Which means it kind of worked for you too,” PJ added. “And it doesn’t seem like you broke her nose, which meant that you can actually control your power!”

“Are you still up for this, Hazel?” 

Hazel peeked out from hands, her face still red, her heart still sprinting, her mind still thinking about your lips— and how you said you would see her later. A smile tugged at her lips as she nodded and said,

“Let’s fucking do this.”

Previous Chapter: The Origin

Next Chapter: The Set-Up for Chapter 4

[cuntnikida]

Intro to me

general:

age- sixteen

pronouns- she/her ig but i'm also fine with literally any gender nuetral pronouns including neos

i'm queer. used to be queer recreationally, now i'm competitively queer. like gayer than you. like gold medal levels of gay simpery. like captain of the local homosexual team. like planning on doing it professionally.

DNI (by interact i mean follow n message, not like or rb bcz no ones checking dnis before liking a post lol):

•queerphobes

•pro russia

•pro israel

•anti feminists (includes transphobes, exclusionists and intersexists, you can't be a good feminist if your feminism isn't intersectional and includes all genders)

•pro censorship

•pro harrassment

•anti endogenic systems (personally idk much about syscourse but i have endo friends who i love and support so fuck off anti endos)

Tags: 🩶=my posts, 🤍=reblogs, 🟡=reblogs where i yap too, 💙=srs stuff, 🎀=me/irl stuff, 💜=character/media/ship analysis, defense, meta, theories etc, 🩵=tag for my very specialist blorbos that i love very much despite them not paying rent for being in my head this fucking much. there's other emojis u will see as tags n those r none ur business but guess what they mean if u wanna

Fandoms i mainly post about:

•bungou stray dogs

•harry potter

•probably gonna start posting about miraculous ladybug more maybe idk

Music taste: vocaloid, goth music, kpop but i'm not involved in the fandom or am a stan also i mainly listen to girlgroups like mamamoo and black pink

Hobbies: chess, writing fanfic, crochet

[gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun]

In defense of trashy ya dystopias

Okay, I’ll admit it: Hunger Games is an excellent book. It is powerful and well crafted, and deserves to be an eternal classic. I’m not sure any of the ya dystopias that followed it were quite so good, and I understand why they get mocked so often. Still, I think they deserve a better rep than they get.

Now, I understand that some ya dystopias are really, really bad. The only literary criticism that would call them good art would be a reader response based method that just says “well, some people like them so they must be good!” I don’t think that’s exactly how art works, but to an extent, that’s true. If a book inspired someone, encouraged them to read, and broadened their view of the world, who are we to say that it’s not worth reading? No matter how terrible a book is, it can at least make someone a bit more passionate about reading, and that’s value enough.*

First, I have to talk about Divergent. It makes me sad how many people hate that series. There are some valid criticisms, but most of it doesn’t make sense to me. People accuse Tris of being flat and basic, saying she’s an overpowered Mary Sue of a blank slate. That in particular confuses me. Tris isn’t dull and underdeveloped, she’s depressed. She’s reactive because she doesn’t care enough to be proactive. She’s numb, which comes across as her being unemotional. Now, we can debate whether that makes her a bad choice as a main character, but I won’t stand for her being painted as a bad character.

I was horribly depressed when I read Divergent. Watching Tris made all the difference in my life. I related to her when she threw a chair from the roof and watched it shatter on the concrete below, wishing she could follow it. I would have followed her to her death when she convinced herself that dying for her friends was noble sacrifice, not suicide, not the easy way out. I nearly cried when she realized at the last moment that she didn’t want to die, that she had to choose to keep going. I watched her build her life back up, even through the misery, pain and loss. I watched her find happiness, and I broke down when she gave it all up to protect someone else, someone who was trying to throw away his life out of guilt and grief. She sacrificed everything she had to give him a chance to fight through it and become someone better. She would have done the same for me. I needed to keep going, to honor that sacrifice and follow in her lead. Tris taught me to fight, and I am so grateful.

The Maze Runner was one of my favorite series. My longest completed story I’ve written was a trilogy of (unfortunately very straight) TMR fanfiction. I know it’s pretty garden variety dystopia, but it was very meaningful to me.

I think part of what made it special was having a male protagonist. Most ya dystopias are centered on teen girls, the intended audience, and while TMR could have used more diversity of gender in the cast, it was nice to see myself in the main character (although I like to believe I’m not that stupid). Thomas is also a very competent MC, which is always appreciated, and it feels earned more than Gary Stu-ed.

TMR has, despite not having any canonical evidence, a lot of gay ships in the fandom, probably because the boys all have a ton of chemistry and there are no girls (pretty much). I was deep in denial (see my straight fanfic), but TMR still gave my budding queerness a place to grow. While insisting that being gay was wrong and my homosexual crushes were Not Gay, I still managed to have very strong feelings on which Maze Runner ships are correct (Newt X Alby and Thomas X Minho, Newtmas shippers fight me). Being represented, even if I didn’t know it at the time, was so important to me.

Lastly, TMR taught me bravery. It taught me that even if things are just going to get worse, you have to try and make it out. I look at the world around me, and it’s not hard to imagine the Flare, or WICKED gaining power. Us kids have been handed the burden of fixing the world, and I need all the courage I can get. Like I say in my fanfic (the AWWWB series on Wattpad, first book called Good Grief), “Maybe the universe is just cruel. But… if we don’t know what’s outside of the Maze, then we’d better hold on to the fact that it’s just as likely to be a good place as a bad one.” We have to keep hoping that something better is coming eventually, even if it never does. We have to keep fighting.

I don’t have any others in mind right now, but I want to hear about other books (dystopian or not) that made more of a difference than they’re given credit for. Seriously, I want y’all to defend Twilight, to champion the Matched series. Tell me how they changed your life.

*note: books that spread harmful messages are different than poorly written books, but that’s a whole conversation by itself, so we’re going to be idealists in this post and pretend that’s not an element while acknowledging that in the real world it’s a true and harmful thing

[aristotle97]

The insurmountable urge to write a Kaiju no.8 fanfic with a random ass idea I came up with

~ Rant Time... I guess? ~

(I DON'T KNOW MUCH I'M AN ANIME ONLY)

(FT. a bunch of home-made lore... imma say this is an au so ya'll don't yell at me.)

So the UN takes note of Japan's issues with the Humanoid Kaiju (8, 9, 10) and Greece offers one of their divisions (known as the Amazon Divison) to assist.

Japan takes the offer and the Amazon Unit comes to Japan to assist.

There are 2 captains and 14 officers

Captain Ioaniss Gabris (Codename: Angel)

Vice Captain Iris Gabris (Codename: Iris)

^ The Captain and Vice Captain are siblings. They bicker quite often during recreational time, but the second a Kaiju shows up they're in battle mode.

Officer Asterios Ariti (Codename: Zeus)

^ Despite what his codename suggests, he's actually a pretty nice guy, albeit very serious in battle, and a bit girl crazy. He wields a spear made from the Kaiju codenamed Cronos.

Officer Marinos Ariti (Codename: Poseidon)

^ He's the oldest of the Ariti siblings. He specializes in handling seaborne Kaiju. He wields a trident made from the Kaiju codenamed Typhon.

Officer Orfeas Ariti (Codename: Pluto)

^ He codenamed himself the Roman Version of Hades because he wanted to be different. Unlike the actual mythology (Where Zeus is the youngest), Orfeas is the youngest. He wields a bident made from the Kaiju codenamed Cronos.

Officer Eirini Athanasiou (Codename: Hera)

^ Unlike the actual mythology, no. She is not married to Zeus. She actually hates the dude. Since Hera has no confirmed weapon in mythology, I settled for her using a rifle with rounds that secrete a scent that spooks the Kaiju. She's more of a back fighter.

Officer Kore Chloros (Codename: Demeter)

^ A very formidable fighter in battle, but outside of it you can bet this woman is giving everyone flowers. She loves plants. She wields a staff made from the Kaiju codenamed Cronos.

Officer Charis Chronis (Codename: Hestia)

^ Mostly a Combat Medic. The eldest out of all of these officers. Very motherly. Would probably scold Kafka for staying up late studying. Also dabbles into research regarding eating Kaiju. Wields a regulation rifle with Flamethrower rounds.

Officer Ermis Hannas (Codename: Hermes)

^ The youngest of these officers (aged 19). He wields a staff made from the Kaiju codenamed Mousiki (ΜΟΥΣΙΚΗ). His suit is much different than the others in his unit. His suit is built with extra speed in mind, thanks to the law implemented in May of 20__, the year he joined, which saw the Greek Defense Force being forced to make all new Officers and etc. able to escape alive.

Officer Sofia Manos (Codename: Athena)

^ The best of the best when it comes to battle strategy. Did 6 years in the Hellenic Armed Forces before being reccomended for the Greek Kaiju Defense Force. She is one who is mainly focused on removing civillians who were unable to evacuate. In a pinch, she has a shield she can use to deflect attacks. She does not currently have a Kaiju Weapon, but has expressed a want for one. She is equipped with a standard regulation rifle.

Officer Alkemini (Codename: Ares)

^ What can I say? She's earned the codename. She's the most ruthless fighter on the Greek force. Also a single queen. This is just in my au, but Soshiro was the only one able to tame this wild beast (If you get what I mean–). She carries a machine gun.

Officer Foteini Agnes (Codename: Artemis)

^ An Aro/Ace queen. The elder of the Agnes twins. Wields a bow made of the Kaiju codenamed Python. So does Officer Apollo.

Officer Heliodoros "Helios" Agnes (Codename: Apollo)

^ A gay king. Probably has dressed in drag at least once. The younger of the Agnes twins. He is the ex boyfriend of two officers from one of the other Greek Units (Hyacinthus and Daphne). Much like his sister, he wields a bow made from the Kaiju codenamed Python. In a pinch, he can switch to a close range rifle equipped with either sonic or stun rounds.

Officer Argyris Martis (Codename: Dionysus)

^ A heavy drinker outside of batttle. Nearly always has alchol on him. Recently, Hestia and Aphrodite have forced him to start drinking less of it. He gets the shakes easily. Some believe the reason he was so good in battle was because of the drinking. Currently in the process of being prescribed anxiety medication. Wields a standard regulation rifle with poison rounds.

Officer (Dr.) Eftychia Eliades (Codename: Aphrodite)

^ This officer has a doctorate in experimenting with Kaiju. She uses pheromones from Kaiju to confuse enemy Kaiju and open them up for the others to attack. She does these all with her own lab made Pheremone Rounds (Patent Pending). Her two titles as Officer and Doctor are used interchangeably.

Officer Miltiadis Eliades (Codename: Hepheastus)

^ This guy is a total bottom. Unlike in the mythology, him and Eftychia are happy to be married. He took her last name. He made his own warhammer from the Kaiju codenamed Mimas.

~

If- if you read this far. Thanks. You're a real champ. Would you mind commenting or something? I wanna know if you liked it more than just hitting like. I wanna know if I should make something out of this.

P.S - If you use this, credit me.

[melliotwrites]

So, I've been rewatching Adamandi. Far too much. Probably too much for my own good. And each time I watch, a new detail sticks out to me. There's so many layers to this musical, and so much worldbilding. As a fanfic author, I love it so much!

Pre-A Little Bit More In Love, during the Portia-Quincy and Beatrix-Vincent conversations, I've been thinking on some of the implications behind the conversations. The Portia-Quincy friendship lore is so interesting! I was wondering what was being referenced between Beatrix and Vincent, with the lines "Do you want to unpack that?" / "Whaaat's there to unpack?"

While, obviously, I noticed the lines from the first watch on, it only recently hit me like an absolute truck how it was delivered in such a way that definitely makes me think there was something being referenced that might need to be unpacked. WHile I know line delivery is often up to the actor, and the actor alone, I still wonder if you two, as the writers, had come up with any thoughts about that that hadn't made it into the script, or if there were past versions of the script that elaborated, or, even, if you two just had Mind Lore for this that never would see the light of day.

(This was a much longer ask than I intended it to be. TLDR: What's the context behind Beatrix's "Whaaaat's there to unpack?" in act 1?)

I'm glad you're thinking about the show in such detail! The line "wanna unpack that" is referencing Bea's previous line -- "She makes me excited to go to the newsroom, I guess. Last night after editing articles, we chatted for so long that we ended up falling asleep against the presses. I haven’t done that since freshman year." Vincent's asking if they should unpack why Portia specifically makes Beatrix feels so happy in a way she hasn't felt in a while (wink wink nudge nudge you have a crush on her etc.) Beatrix's "What's there to unpack?" is defensive and confused -- at this point they aren't aware of their crush yet, although Vincent can tell it's beginning to form. Writing-wise, it's intended to seem like she's lying or in denial, which we thought came through quite well in the filmed version!

In an early version, we were thinking about Portia being Beatrix's romantic or gay awakening -- either previously, Bea was purely work-minded and didn't consider dating at all, or maybe Bea never considered dating a girl. That didn't make it explicitly into this draft, but it's there by implication if you look hard enough (like in this line!)

[gildedmuse]

So, most the One Piece fans in my life have been discussing the live action series, and, surprisingly, most with a hopeful tone. Which is great because, seriously, I'm too old and close to death to deal with either of the following preemptive attitudes:

"Look, I know trailer footage is not only often unfinished but not even always what gets included in the final project but based purely off the smallest of moments contained in this purely commercialized content, I can definitely state with absolutely no doubt that due to minor detail, the whole thing sucks"

"This will be just like I imagined it including all the changes I would make to canon that have never once been hinged at by those in charge, I just know it's going to be not just as awesome as I have created in my mind but even betyeyr and there is absolutely no way they'd ever make the slightest change that would somehow immediately ruin the entire property retroactively for me!"

The fact that most the people I interactive with are taking a positive but grounded attitude instead of determinedly antagonist or unhinged optimism is just... Nice. Really, really nice.

Most our discussions regard general aesthetic and what we think these creative choices indicate for the show, but there has been one area where 95% of all feedback has been glowly positive, and that is the actors. Seriously, every sneak peak trailer reveal brings about more fan-gushing from the bleachers (related note, this means that any characters we haven't seen gets more and more nails bitten short. Like, why haven't I seen the Benn Beckman? This is actually really important to me.)

This has lead to a lot of excitement for potential future cast members, including from the boys at my work. Which.... They are definitely fans, there is no denying that, but like... I don't think of as "those kinds of fans" .

But I'm always happy to be proven wrong.

AnimeDub Fan Coworker: I've never seen a more perfect live action adaptation than Mihawk in the trailer. The word. The eyes. The facial hair. Like damn.

Manga/Anime Fan Coworker: The cast looks so fucking on. I know this will never get a season 2, but if it did, the absolute dream would be for Jamie Lee Curtis to play Kureha.

Me: Yes, please. She's on my list of Characters I Have To See In Live Action. It's Law (obviously), Kid & Killer but particularly Killer, Ace of course, Robin because ROBIN, and Kureha who, yeah, is on the list cuz I want JLC or equivalent.

AD Fan: You just went off about how Garp was too hot but are cool with Jamie Lee Curtis as Kureha?

Me: Yeah, because unlike Garp, Kureha is canonically smoking.

AD Fan: Agree to disagree.

M/A Fan: They'll probably go for no names again like they did for this cast, but dream casting would be Alexandra Daddario as Robin. Boom.

M/A Fan: *With absolutely no further promoting from me* Ooooooh I got another fake casting. This one's for Kid. Cameron Monaghan.

M/A Fan: He's played crazy before too. And he's really good at it. He was pretty much "the Joker" in the show Gotham. AND he was the gay brother on Shameless. So he can totally be pirate married to Killer!

Me: *Desperately trying to remember when I mentioned in my work chat - that includes a few non-geeks, like not just not OP fans but just straight up not up with geek culture - that Kid and Killer were Pirate Married, a phrase which is very much so mine.*

Me: *Decides it doesn't matter and just gives self a point to converting yet another normal fan straight boy around to the correct view of Kid and Killer's relationship.* Now we just need someone who can pull off the perfect 80 glam rock star AND NHL defense player and we have two more Supernoves cast and ready to go.

I don't know how I keep convincing these straight boys who have probably never read a fanfic in their lives to get behind Kid/Killer as canonical Pirate Husbands, but when one of the major considerations for fan-casting is, "would Mina find him suitable gay with Killer?" you know you've won. I'm not sure what exactly, but it's definitely a win.

[hermioneismyrealname]

Tomorrow (20221215) I have day one of my finals. It's maths.

Mood? Sleepy. Haven't slept in 2 days.

Reason? The last 6 hours I got, I woke up from a dream clawing at my arm and neck because I thought I was 8 again and what happened to me was happening again. SO SLEEP CAN GO FUCK ITSELF!

But after 11 am tomorrow, I will chugg 750ml of black coffee and sleep for 12 hours and start the marathon for biology (20221219), physics (20221221) and chemistry (20221222). Coffee stops me from dreaming.

Preparation? Maths can go to hell.

I've studied and I'm gonna study some more but once the paper is in front of me, the war begins against my brain as I try and pry the knowledge out from the anxiety filled trenches of my frontal lobe.

My body? My chest hurts like fuck.

I keep forgetting to breathe while I'm studying I don't know why. Also doesnt help that my glasses broke and I can't see shit so I'm hunched over my desk like a prawn and have my legs folded cause I'm gay af and can't sit on a chair straight by law.

Emotions? Currently numb.

I know this is going to change when I sit down in the exam hall. I'm just mentally drained. My sources of dopamine that I allow myself is this hellsite (affectionate), some one-shot fluff fics, writing drabbles and learning languages.

My goal? Do my best.

Imma be honest. I feel OK about what I know and I know I can do it, it's just my brain being an ass about it. That sack of flesh tells me to break my ankles for the heck of it, why should I listen to it?

Outcome? To feel proud enough so I don't feel guilty.

I feel guilty a lot. Survivors guilt and mommy issues. I overwork to overachive. I lay down on my bed and feel guilty i havent done enough when i just finished a 6 hour study session. Do more, my brain yells at me. So if I can come out of this like I did what I could, feeling less guilty, I'll be happy.

What do I want to do for the holidays?

Exam first and then think about holidays. But

I want to watch

Between Us (2022) ep 6 and 7

My 12 percent

Not me

Romantic Killer

Blood C

I spit on your grave

Goblin

Maybe rewatch Banana Fish

Space balls

I want to write

My drabbles

That Vegaspete fanfic I've been planning for a while now

That Sapphic story skeleton (idea struck me and I want to post it to *gags**barf**spits* wattpad

Begin copywriting because I'm a broke college student

I want to read

A curse so Dark and Lonely

And like the cycle of the year, we begin again (because it's my Christmas tradition)

Art of war

Maybe the wicked king, idk

I want to play

Minecraft

Potion craft: alchemy simulator

I want to learn languages

Japanese

Thai

Russian

Korean

Welsh

Latin

I want to random research

Anything

And then fritz case

I want to sleep.

I want to practice my forms in self defense. (Im probably shit by now)

I want to go rock climbing.

I want to go for a walk.

I want to talk to my friends and my crush that I've been ignoring for my exams, but like face to face, and give them a big ol hug even though I give really awkward hugs.

I want to eat broccoli and bread.

Didn't I mention sleep?

[olderthannetfic]

Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).

As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.

It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.

But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.

I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?

The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.

--

Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.

People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.

The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)

I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."

[fandom-blackhole]

What is that I hear? Episode 3 thoughtssss! + update on how my bingo card is going

First off im like 30 minutes late and I really wish I wasn't....anyway

Hes making a lil stack for tess 🥲

He gave ellie his jacket 😭😭😭

Ellie continually asking for a gun 👌👌👌

You ask alot of goddamn questions. -yes I do 🙂

THE ARCADE GAMEEEEE

Is there anything bad in here? -Just you. -Oh getting funnier (keep this joke going pleaseee)

Ellie what the fuck?!!! Do not go in there!

Id count ellie moving a dumpster, but honestly it wasn't joel

Tampons!

Get the fuck outta therrreeeeee

Ellie you fucking sadist, just kill it wtffffff

Joel you really should keep a better eye on her Jesus fucking christ

It the screen grab from the first reveal!!!

Flour! Flour! Flour! Flour! (PANCAKE MIX)

Outbreak Day! (Sep 26, happy bday joel)

Joel trying to protect ellie by trying to go around the mass grave so she wouldn't see it 🥲

Im not surprised at all, fuck fedra (dead people can't be infected...smh)

Ohhhh flashback!

Honestly reminds me, I hope we get to see Ish's story line

Ope! There's my paranoid Bill <3

Bills got a nice house damn, what do you think he did before the outbreak?

Im laughing so hard, this is 100% cannon Bill

I love that we are getting a montages of bill building up his town and its defenses lmao

Ooo do you think he's gonna teach Joel how to make a nail bomb like in the game?

I spy with my little eye a churchhhh

Me and Bill are kinda the same frfr alone and prepared 😌

And there's his traps

Not the "Dont Tread on Me" Flag, he's gay, not homophobic

Frank! My boy!!!I love him already (he better wear an ugly ass hawian shirt or im gonna riot!)

I love the hinting to the falling if the QZs

I already love them, im gonna read so much fanfic about these two <3

Bills gay lil stance with the hand gun lmao

Literally love at first sight for bill I will not hear otherwise

Hes giving frank a cute lil dinner date <3 <3

I cannot handle them, they better fuck this episode and im gonna cry when frank dies

Franks lil smile im screamingggggg

Theyre gayyyyyy istggggg

Bill is literally so fucking smitten

He can play piano 🥺🥺🥺...kinda lol

Bill made him stop bc he realizes he's getting too attached

Omg bills playing and singing nowww 🥲

The song is perfect foreshadowing omfg

Girl? Haha thats a queer frank

Literally screamingggggggg omfggg

Frank crying i cannot omfg

He didn't not just tell Bill to go take a shower 💀

Frank waiting in bed for bill these bitches are fuckingggggg

I literally told you it was love at first sight

Omg baby virgin bill is 👌👌👌

Squabbling like a true married couple

We are going to have friends. - Excuse me. (I love my recluse paranoid Bill)

Frank and Tess chatting too while Joel and Bill glower at each other 💀💀💀

Joel really speaks Bill's language lol

I love Joel trying to help Bill by warning him 🥺

Bill running just like me frfr

Bill really does love Frank omg

The strawberries omg

Older means we're still here. 🥺🥺🥺

Oh this episode is gonna rip my heart out, im not ready

Oh no! OH NO!

The dude on fire spinning i can't stop laughing and I shouldn't be

Bill talking like he's gonna die

Call Joel, he'll take care of you. 🥲

Theyre old men 🥲

He paints! And it looks like the concept art from the game!

Theyre so cute my heart is breaking

Cause this is my last day?! Wtf do you mean, frank???

But I've had more good days with you than anyone else. So just give me one more good day (sobbing)

We'll get married (nnoooo, I cant take this)

Frank has thought about this too much istg 🥲🥲🥲🥲

Igh i can't stop thinking about the radio in the first episode, what goes wrong?!

Im already sobbing

Theyre exchanging rings 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Bill made frank the same meal he made him the first time, im sobbbiiinnngggg

Of course Bill did it too

You were my purpose. I cannttttttt

Why do I get the feeling its only gonna work for Frank, that Bill is gonna live?

The music 🥲🥲🥲 (this is, or is similar to the one from the game right? The giraffe area?? I'm probably wrong, but ik its from the game)

I never liked you. Thats 100% bill 🥲

Im sobbing, you're sobbing, everyone's sobbing

Lol no battery

Ok nm Joel made one

Tommy!

The Rules!!!!!!!!!!

What you say goes.

Ughhhhh

He didn't reset the radio thats why the radio played 🥲

Ellie grabbing toilet paper lol

THE SHIRTTTTTTTT

Ellie leave the grandfather clock alone

Ope she found a gun

I have a flannel like the one Joel puts on 🙂🙂🙂 (he looks so fine <3)

Hey Ellie knew how to drive in the game!

The cassette :)

That ending shot 👌💗💗💗

WHERES THE GAY PORN?! Literally all I could mark on my bingo card this episode smh

I do like having literally all of Bill's section of the game different from the game, but I do miss Bill talking to himself, all his little notes to himself, and literally all of the highschool. Idk I just love how they handled Bill and Frank's relationship and we got to see Frank at all versus in the game we just find his body covered in bites.

Ok ok trailer for ep4:

Joel has coffee!

Hunters!!!!!!!

Who's that girl hunting Joel 👀

Anyway, updated bingo card-

Edit: forgot to mention red is ep1, yellow ep2. Music got crossed off twice bc I can and I love the music :)

As always if you wanna talk about the episode or have something you want written for Joel, my askbox is open!

Ok ok ok The Last of Us episode 1 thoughts below!

• CLIMATE CHANGE?! (Love that honestly)

• Not me sobbing at the intro (I HOPED they'd do something like the games intro so this was a perfect surprise)

• Joels shirt is inside out 😭 (ok noticed this before it was mentioned)

• Let the man have his coffee Sarah

• Gabriel as tommy?! Sounds almost identical omggg

• The neighbors 😭 (oh I understand now.....)(I like how they changed the changing/infected neighbor scene)

• Desert Storm???? 👀

• Sarah fixing the watch instead of getting him a new one 🥺

• Sarah's backpack is so cute omg

• The dog 🥲

• "Drugs. I sell hard-core drugs." Happy screams

• Joel and his shitty movies smh (hope this is ref later with ellie and joels movie nights)

• Dammit Tommy, jail, really??

• Yo wtf grandma. No joke the cordyceps out of her mouth?!?!?

• The truck scene was done so welllllllllll

• Jimmy's place!!!

• The planes (OMFG THE PLANE)

• Ooo the car crash separating them, I approve

• These bitches CREEPY (Love that they have no fine motor control)

• Joel begging 🥲🥲🥲

• That is infact a small child (😭😭😭)(🥲🥲🥲)

• DONT YOU TWENTY YEARS LATER ME YOU BITCHES (both 2014 Hannah and 2023 Hannah)

Sarah's death was sadder here and I stand by that

• The amount of time it takes to change depending on where your bit poster is 👌👌👌

• Joel doing actual work in the QZ is kinda really funny to me (sewer maintenance) (now this is more like it....wait drug dealing??)

• MUSICCCCCCCC

• HANGING?????? IN THE QZ??? BY FEDRA???

• Tess 🥰🥰🥰

• Ooo truck battery and not guns (what about your guy?- He answers to me FUCK YEAH HE DOES....WAIT oh fuck explosion! Well fuck you anyway Robert)

•  ELLIE!! (SHE HAS HER EYEBROW SCAR! And her sense if humor) (veronica?) (unchain my child please)

• Oooo message operator! (TOMMY!) (Slavers 🤔)

• Joel planning a trip already is genius (wtf you doing drinking and doing pills?!)

• The watch 🥲

• Those walls are THIN or that baby is LOUD

• Marleneeeeeee

• I love all the yellow wires, ik in the game it was an obvious way to show you where to go, but u like that its been added to the show

• Oh damn, rip unnamed firefly Marlene talked too, you're dying in the capital (kim) (ope her ear)

• Tell me to look for the light and ill break your jaw 🥰🥰🥰

• Ellie getting water on her face lmao

• The knife 🥺

• Atleast the wrapped the handcuff so it wouldn't hurt her

• Don't talk about Riley bitch, I will fight you

• I like all the water dripping, good touch

• Joel talking construction 🥰🥰🥰

• Ok but that wallpaper in the hallway with the dead Robert, I want

• Well ellie you tried, but Joel is better

• Ellie is in fact feral, love her

• Give ellie her knife dammit (yes ellie I agree that was an asshole move)

• Ope don't mention Tommy

• What are they capable of?- alot ellie, alot

• You all talk it out but please remember I am bleeding out 😭😭😭

• God I love my husband

• Ellies shoes squishing 🤢

• Bill and Frank 🥺

• Your watch us broken 🥲

• Ok but why is all the wallpaper cute in this episode?!

• Ellie figuring out the radio code shes so smart i love her

• That door (or whatever you wanna call it) was hidden perfectly omg

• Worst time to take a piss (hahahahaha honestly fuck that guy)

• Pedro's eyes 😩 (oh fuck wait hes fucking that guy upppp)

• PTSD!!!

• THE RADIOOOOOOOOO

• THE RADIO AS IT PANS OVER THE CITY AND WE HEAR INFECTED?!? so good

• The trailer!

• The city landscapes 😩😩😩

• Frank!!!!

• There's no halfway with this, we finish what we started *indistinct screeching*

If you read all this PLEASE send me Joel thoughts, I wanna talk about my husband! Also if you want me to explain any of these ASK MEEEE!! Also, Also, I'll be doing this for every episode so if wanna be tagged in these just if be down 👉👈

[volixia669]

Vampire Chronicles Basics

Okay, with the new Interview with the Vampire show coming out, there’s probably going to be some folks who might be curious about the books and wondering why there’s so much disrespect towards the author. This probably isn’t the ONLY primer, but like, whatever.

Note: I never got around to reading all of her books, and some of this is drawing from memory though wikipedia is helpful.

Contextual History Lesson Time!

As a media criticism type person, I find it important to not examine media in a vacuum, and take into account what was happening at the time it was created.

The timing of the first three books is notable. Interview with a Vampire was released in 1976, The Vampire Lestat was released in 1985, and Queen of the Damned was released in 1988.

So we have one book with gay subtext released post free love movement but prior to gay folks becoming more known in society, then two more released during the aids crisis with the queer subtext/text still going strong. This? This is huge. Reportedly, there were people sending Anne Rice letters about how amazing it was to see themselves in the characters. Some these days might roll their eyes at how subtext might be revolutionary, but please understand. During the aids crisis, the queer community, particularly gay men, were being blamed and discriminated against to horrifying levels to the point gay men still can’t give blood.

So for a book series to have not only the metaphor of penetration and being an outbut but also have these characters seem very gay? It’s huge! It’s like a weight being lifted off, even just temporairly, while you go, “Someone sees me and my situation.”

The Vampire Lestat even had Lestat’s mother questioning her gender and deciding to dress and act more masculine. Sure, these days we’d call it “problematic” trans rep for many reasons, but back in 1985? Except for certain more indie films, trans people weren’t even talked about.

Which is a huge reason the series got big among the queer community, others caught wind, and eventually that movie with Brad Pitt was made.

And now we’re in the 90s with a few things happening. One of which being Anne Rice uh...Firing her editor? Not bothering with an editor? Whatever happened, the quality of writing goes downhill.

Additionally, Anne Rice was going through...a lot, and it shows in her writing. She started as one sect of Christianity, left it after a family member died, was athiest/agnostic for awhile, then went to a different sect of Christianity when another family member died, then eventually was in her own thing of believing in God & Jesus but not following any particular sect. Then she died.

This is relevant, as we see Lestat go from prissy rockstar to literally meeting Jesus. So. There’s that.

Another thing that happened in the 90s was the internet becoming bigger, resulting in things like forums, chatgroups, livejournal, and essentially online fandom. People in the Vampire Chronicles fandom began sharing their fanfiction.

Anne Rice hated that. It was her world, her property, her Gary-Stu, and therefore only she could write Vampire Chronicles. She began suing anyone who was writing fanfiction, yes, even the broke teenagers.

She wasn’t the only one doing this of course, but she was certainly adamant about it. Additionally, there’s an emotional element too. Because her work was one of the few popular media where queers could see themselves in, it was like a betrayal to have her say, “No, I hate anyone who loves this world so much they’d write fic.” (not a real quote btw just how it felt)

This is why many fanfic writers in the 2000s, early 2010s, and a few even today write disclaimers at the top of their fic. Because a “I do not own this property. This property belongs to blah blah blah” was one of the few defenses (however flimsy) fanfic writers had. It’s also why, as of the last time I checked ff.net, Anne Rice’s works are not allowed on that site.

That said, from this backlash against fandom, Archive of Our Own and its lawyers were born. The volunteers of OT3 are why y’all will be able to write Lestat fucking Louis into next week and post it there without worrying about Anne Rice’s estate hounding you.

The Books Themselves

So! With that lengthy history done, what about the books? To start off with, while the movie, and this new show are called “Interview with the Vampire”, that’s just the first book. The series as a whole are The Vampire Chronicles.

So we’ve got:

Interview with the Vampire (1976)

The Vampire Lestat (1985)

The Queen of the Damned (1988)

The Tale of the Body Thief (1992)

Memnoch the Devil (1995, the one where Lestat meets Jesus, a lot of people hate it, I think its hilarious with some interesting theological points)

New Tales of the Vampires-Pandora (1998, prequel about an older Roman vampire) New Tales of the Vampires-Vittorio the Vampire (1999, another prequel, about a 15th century Italian Nobleman vampire)

The Vampire Armand (1998, it’s Armand’s story and also I maintain the first 60 pages reads like an M-rated fanfic on ff.net, which is objectively hilarious imho)

Merrick (2000, crossover with another her series called the Mayfair Witches)

Blood and Gold (2001, now the ancient vampire Marius gets his own origin story.)

Blackwood Farm (2002, more Mayfair Witches crossover)

Blood Canticle (2003, EVEN MORE CROSSOVER also was originally gonna be a conclusion buuuuuuuuuuut)

Prince Lestat (2014, Lestat is back and is facing pressure to lead the vampires because I guess all the ones with enough of a brain cell to go that would be a TERRIBLE idea are dead)

Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantic (2016, I guess we’re now in Atlantis?)

Blood Communion (2018)

As you can see there’s a lot of books and content. Especially because Vampire Chronicles wasn’t her only series. On top of her erotic romance series that even my “sure you can watch Criminal Minds while 9 years old” mom was like, “Do not touch that,” she had her Tales of the Mayfair Witches series, which AMC incidentally also has the rights for. So...Lots of books, one world with vampires and witches and Jesus.

However, because of the drop in quality as well as the level of batshittery (no I’m still not over Lestat going to fucking Atlantis), last I checked the main reads are the first three, with Vampire Armand also being thrown in because I mean, after you see Antonio Banderas as Armand you want to know more about him.

Of course by all means! Read more of the books! Maybe you’ll get a laugh like I did! Maybe the quality doesn’t seem so bad to you! Maybe you enjoy batshittery! 

And if you don’t want to give the Anne Rice estate more money because she was a bad person, there’s plenty of libraries that have the books! Trust me. They do. Some might even have them in ebook version, so you can use apps like overdrive or libby to check them out without even leaving your house!

Appropriation in Vampire Chronicles

This is gonna be short since I’m sure there’s whole pieces about this and I don’t have the books in front of me nor am I part of any of these cultures, but I do want to run over that yes, there’s certainly some cultural appropriation in this series, particularly of Egyptian Culture, but also of voodoo and creole culture.

I want to warn of this, so it doesn’t catch anyone off guard, especially since “Merrick” and “Queen of the Damned” in particular are uh. Full of this. I also have no idea if the more recent books are any better in this regard.

That said, I’m curious about how the AMC tackles these aspects, as its already quite clear they’re not following the books 1:1, which is actually going to make for a better story.

Hopefully all that is helpful!

[absolutebl]

Hello,

This is an industry related ask. I saw a meme that got me thinking about how people view the BL industry in entertainment. The post goes like this:

GMMTV has a system where they hire actors to work on BLs as a pairing and they ensure the actors gain a strong following before casting them in a het drama and they never work on a BL again despite still reaping the benefits of the fandom they acquired from BL.

When I first saw the post I laughed because I have always joked that a lot of these actors see BL as doing dirty work that allows you to get to higher levels, but when I began to think of it I ended up feeling sad. The GMMTV pairing I thought of when I saw this was BrightWin, I have never watched their series so I don't even know much about their chemistry together but from social media I have seen that they still do promotion and sponsorship using their ship despite the fact that they probably will never be in a BL together again.

Now I don't think any actor should take a project they don't want but the thought kept ringing in my head that they see BL as something dirty which in turn make me feel dirty. This is more of a me problem as I often struggle with internalized homophobia. I am christian and I come from a place where hating gays is normal as queer people are the equivalent to demons. It took me years but over time I have come to realize that queer people are people and even if I can't completely understand them I don't want to pour energy into hate. Most people think I am strange when I defend queer people because they are so strange here. In fact, I didn't want to start watching BLs at first because I considered them as not queer enough and fetishized depictions. Over time I have come to realize that there are good stuff as well as bad ones.

My main point is that thinking of how the rest of entertainment must view BLs just brings all those feelings forward. What is your opinion on how BLs are viewed in entertainment? Do you think my thoughts are merely clouded by my own prejudice?

I have a short answer for this:

In Hollywood right now no one thinks of, cares about, or even knowns, BL.

Leaving that aside. I have a long answer too.

The "rest of entertainment" specifically Asian countries probably regards BL much in the same way the publishing industry regards romance and for much the same reasons and I talk about that in this post. It's a marketing, queer, and feminist issue. And I talk about that, and it's dirtiness specifically around dubcon and being a queer person who likes BL here.

I hope they help make you feel a bit better.

I will add, since you mentioned christianity that for you shame is likely also in play. Shame for liking soemthing deviant, shame for being a fan of anything at all (that's not sports or god).

Many fans have existed for a very long time under various cones of shame. Those who like fantasy and sci-fi, video games, RPG, LARPing, fanfic, erotic art, anime, yaoi, even kpop. To be a fan of something means at some point you will probably be shamed for it. Unfortunately, enthusiasm and love are often perceived as exploitable weaknesses by those who do not possess a similar capacity for immersive joy. Such people are pitiable, in the end, for they will never know true passion for shared ridiculousness.

I'm one of those who got stubborn about it and decided to mount a defense (which for me meant advanced degrees). But it's a battleground to make it clear that just because a thing is popular, romantic, charming, cute, appealing, sweet, or fun doesn't make in unimportant.

Finally, all industries that produce pop culture are inherently (or grow to be) corrupted and polluted in some way. Film, music, art, publishing, you name it. Any industry that makes money off talent and image is going to end up with gate keepers and middleman whose sole function is exploitative. Because that's how entertainment makes money.

It is possible to still love a thing while knowing its inception is flawed. That is not weakness, that is survival. Without the uplift that enjoyment gives us, without shared bits of pop culture and entertainment, without art (in whatever ridiculous form you need to consume it) there is no change, or growth, or connection within culture (or across cultures). There is no exploration of boundaries, there is no challenge to the social norm. There is no entertainment and distraction. And there is no escape from reality and the mundanity of everyday life.

If you need it, it's there for you, as flawed as it may be. Like a chipped glass, it still holds the water you need to drink to stay hydrated.

And I won't look at the smudges if you won't.

[destinygoldenstar]

In defense of Noah.

So I got noted quite a bit in my Owen post (which blew up A LOT more than I initiated. Wow.) that I did not mention that Noah was... not the nicest person in the world to Owen in RR, and yet I claimed they were friends. 

I wanted to say my thoughts on that.

Will this be bias because I love Noah? Yeah. Probably.

I’m not gonna act like Noah was traditionally nice to Owen. Not ever, actually. He did laugh at Owen’s milk snot in World Tour, and a couple times I’m too lazy to recall right now, but not much else that can be deemed as ‘friendly.’

Really, has Noah EVER been traditionally a friendly person? To ANYONE?

He deals with his interactions with a smirk and a rude demeanor. With the exception of Emma, who I will get to later, he talks in the sarcastic tone we love about him. 

I understand where that criticism comes from. Despite becoming good friends with Owen and staying with him on multiple reality shows, he doesn’t really show that much kindness towards him. Heck, he doesn’t really show that to anyone and constantly forces people to do the hard work for him. Dodgebrawl? The Tyler stretching incident? That’s not OOC. 

But... I honestly liked it. And here’s why.

It was just really wholesome to see this stone faced lazy guy get slapped in the face with sincerity and make a much healthier life for himself. Better than working for Chris anyway.

Noah’s someone very introverted and, lets face it, spoiled. The game might actually be the first time he was rejected ever. After Island, he became Chris’s little assistant, and that says all, and in World Tour, he actually does try to dodge hard challenges first (remember the pinball challenge?) And who forces him into a position to always be on guard? Owen. Mostly because Owen is probably gonna (accidentally) kill Noah. And Alejandro, who is sus.

I See London is the first episode where Noah legit takes charge in something. He’s not nice about it, I don’t expect him to be, but they had to win the challenge. It’s not the rules were gonna change on them at the last minute- oh wait.

(I mean, it’s Total Drama. Hosted by Chris McLean. So... I’m not as mad about that as you think I would be.)

But let me ask this: If Noah had no care for Owen whatsoever, WHY would he even stay with Owen for so many reality shows? 

I’ll wait.

Of course Noah isn’t gonna outright say he cares about him, or even be good at encouraging his partner. “You’re about as picky as a raccoon”, is essentially his poor way of encouraging that he can do it. Unlike Emma, who only saw Kitty as an asset to winning the money at first, Noah knows who Owen is, and tries to help them both. Could he be nicer about it? Yes. But that’s not the point. The point is ‘how would this be an in character way for them to deal the situation?’

“Hold on, but he developed all these feelings for Emma and constantly tried to impress her” -The reblog section

Here’s the big case.

That whole thing is only proof that Owen’s good nature DOES rub off on Noah. Better yet, being forced into situations where he has to actually TRY to make it and survive. 

And a crush? Yeah, that’ll let that all out at once. It’s basically, Noah recognizes that he legit WANTS something that’s hard to get. Of course he’s bad at dealing with emotion and struggling with something that seems so... sappy. This is a whole new experience for him. 

And as much as you may want to deny it, Noah is NOT just an emotionless sarcastic machine. If that were the case, he wouldn’t laugh at Owen’s milk shake at all, which that too, could’ve easily come across as unconventional for him. 

(I don’t want to talk about the ‘But there were hints that Noah was gay, and yet he becomes straight’ stuff. I don’t hate it, and that’s coming from someone graysexual. Total Drama is bad at representation. The fandom just wants to ignore the facts because they love the show and the characters anyway. If I wrote Total Drama, would I have made Noah gay? Coin toss. But what’s canon is canon, write a fanfic instead of whining to the writers. Over.)

For me at least, I just found it really wholesome to see this brainiac become way more understanding and better at relationships as the show went on. 

With Emma, it’s understanding her boundaries in order to properly be with her. 

With Owen, he does actually get better at showing his care for Owen as RR goes on. It’s Owen who helps him in the air guitar challenge, and from there, the bossiness towards the big guy becomes way less frequent. 

Total Drama doesn’t have it’s characters blatantly say, “I’m sorry I treated you badly” or “I’ll try to be better” or “I care about you and I want you around”. Some shows do that, in my writing I do that, but that’s never been this show’s style. So of course Noah isn’t gonna blatantly apologize or say “I need you.”

Would I have liked for Noah to have said this sort of stuff out loud? Yeah.

Would I have liked for Noah to have more screen time to flesh out what I’m talking about? YES.

But for what we have, I still love Noah as a character. He’s not the best written character in the show, but sometimes you don’t care.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll make a Noah centric fic that takes place in an alternate timeline of the show. where he DOES get the screen time to flesh out what I’m trying to say. No promises though. 

[quino7]

Also I fucking hate how Bsd has become a “fandom” show if that makes any sense. Like bsd fans are almost as bad at understanding their work as fucking chainsaw man fans. Id be impressed if it didn’t make me want to kill my self whenever I see someone talk about it without understanding anything. Like 3/4 of the fans are here for the fanfic and see the series through tropes. Like no you’re not a Dazai kinnie you’re like 13, on the spectrum, and probably a bit of an asshole. you’re not literally him you lack the severe depression/maturity needed to relate to him. You don’t understand his character, you don’t have the life experience to explain why you would “kin” him

he’s not some quirky gay uncle, he’s a traumatized nihilistic monster with manic depression and probably bpd who’s only alive because he’s found a family that unconditionally loves him. And he feels like 1-he doesn’t belong because his ability won’t let him be connected via fukuzawa like the rest of the agency is and 2-he only really connects with them in brief moments of clarity when he isn’t defensive from trauma and not in a manic episode.

And it pisses me off when people don’t think about this and kin him because theyre just kinda depressed and at worst passively suicidal. Because like I deal with this shit, none of them understand how fucking bad manic depression is, he doesn’t make attempts because he has some grand plan to die, he attempts because when you’re in a manic episode you’re in a miserable fucking haze and you just want it to be over, you can see this in attempts like the barrel and the second river one, he’s grateful when he comes back down. Like you need so much experience with mental illness and life to even come close to think about kinning him and I’m willing to be there a 2 digit number of people in the fandom who’ve dealt with the stuff to understand his perspectives enough to kin him, and I sure as fuck ain’t one of them. They’re probably just a bunch of middle aged people who’ve chanced into the show and enjoyed it and by chance have lived through some shit, and I don’t deny there’s probably some younger people who have gone through a bunch of shit similar to Dazai and are able to understand his character and how they are like him.

But most of the “kinnies” are probably just slightly gifted kids who have like one friend and write fanfic in their English class. But like please it would do you good to pay attention in that class because you might actually understand Bsd better if you knew how to analyze media. Tbh I might be saying that because I got into bsd as a lit nerd unlike most of the people I see who, be honest, got into bad because of fucking skk. God if that ship didn’t exist maybe I wouldn’t be embarrassed to admit this is my third favorite series because skk has brought the worst people into the fandom. The only ships I put up with are Ranpoe (because it’s pretty much canon) and steincraft (because it’s cute and doesn’t affect anything)

But god I could write thousands of words about how much i hate some of the ships, especially fyolai, (most of that would be me complaining about Fyodor’s character because as a fan of his novels what the actual fuck it feels like they know him as the proto nihilism guy and didn’t take anything else away from his works and it pisses me off whenever I think about him) and I can’t really talk about Nikolai because I haven’t read anything of his and just find him annoying in general.

Idk how to bring it back to this original topic so this is my transition. But yeah this fan base would be so much better if they maybe just read/watched it while actually paying attention. I promise you it isn’t a hard read like reading some of the authors would be. Just like the fandom would be so much better if the majority of it wasn’t fic and social media poisoned

I know Q isn’t gonna get top 3 or anything but I’m still gonna be mad when they don’t. Like you have a canon nonbinary character. And they’re gonna fuckin lose to like Poe, Dazai, that one hunting dog I can’t remember the name of the buff one, and tachihara probably. Which fair for the two hunting dogs ig but in my heart of hearts is #1-Q #2-Gin and #3 Tachihara.

[decepti-thots]

I'm having mild A Few Days (Or So) Later Anxiety™ and wanted to add a disclaimer to my comment on the post where you talked about MTMtE/LL being regarded as fanfiction about how I defo think its done to de-legitimize official works (purposefully or not), but that I defo don't think fanfiction isn't a legitimate form of art/writing also? I dunno, I probably have nothing to worry about, but anxiety is Like That sometimes haha. (that said though, your thoughts that you mentioned would be interesting to see I think!)

Haha, well, I'm the one who made the post, so nothing to worry about there, I promise! I don't think you came across as dismissive of fic at all. As you say, talking about how that's why people use that 'accusation' doesn't necessarily mean you agree with the underlying logic.

As for my thoughts…

One thing that frustrates me whenever I try and discuss this is actually something you hit on the head here I think inadvertently- people who write fanfiction (like myself!) often tend to respond with a kneejerk reaction whenever someone says [xyz] isn't fanfic, because we assume, often incorrectly, they must mean 'it's Too Good to be fanfiction'. But that's not the case! Fanfic is as unique as any form of creative work, and saying something like MTMTE isn't fanfic is no more an insult to fanfic than, say, pointing out the Mona Lisa isn't a watercolour painting is an insult to watercolour artists. It's just an observation around what a work is or is not.

I get it- fanfic is often very specifically looked down on just for being fanfic, and we tend to get defensive over things we care about. I've been writing fanfic since I was eight, so over two decades now; it's a huge part of my life and one I don't like people to be unfairly dismissive of. But one of the things which I love about fanfic is that it does certain specific things that other mediums don't or often even can't, and I think describing every bit of remotely transformative work as 'fanfic' really robs us of that nuance.

MTMTE is not 'officially published fanfic' because it is subject to certain editorial requests and constraints that fanfic just… isn't. And this fact massively impacts how it unfolds as a work. The fact CDRW only gradually reveal themselves as a romantic couple is a very blatant example of this. Roberts had to ask IDW's permission to have gay characters. Who in turn had to ask Hasbro's permission. The result is a very gradual amping up of the subtext, and that means the serialized storytelling functions differently than if MTMTE was just his fanwork or whatever. The annotated scripts and notebooks he's given us make all of this very clear- there are numerous points where he's like, 'and then Barber asked me to cut this', etc. In turn, MTMTE received editorial scrutiny and support no fic is likely to, even with the most dedicated beta reader, and is in conversation with other writers' ideas in ways that it can use to its advantage. It is a different comic than a fancomic might be in ways that relate to it being published, and what the process of publishing a comic looks like.

But even beyond that, there are things like what I brought up in that post about 'original characters', for example. In fanfic, the understanding is that OCs are an indulgence in most cases on the part of the author. This isn't always true- but often it is! And that's a good thing, because fanfic is something people should enjoy and be self-indulgent with. But like. In a work like MTMTE, characters like Rung are not introduced purely because the author wants to make a mark on a pre-existing canon or insert themself into the story. They are usually introduced because they are needed narratively speaking. Rung is required for the narrative that Roberts has planned from the very beginning, and he cannot be a pre-existing character within that framework without it fundamentally changing the way the story reads. Similar to, say, characters like Tarn. So when people talk about these characters like they're OCs he somehow snuck into Real Transformers Canon TM, we lose a lot of interesting discussion about what those characters do as pieces of the story, because the assumption becomes 'they are there because Roberts wanted to make his OCs canon'.

And finally, we have this odd feeling that somehow MTMTE isn't 'real' Transformers canon because even its fans treat it like fanfiction turned official and see just the 'fanfic' part of that idea, not the 'official' bit. So suddenly, the only way any of it can be implicitly legitimized is by having stuff show up elsewhere. Like hey, Tarn showing up in Cyberverse was GREAT, but Tarn was a 'real Transformers character' before that. Y'know? Again, fanfic NOT being 'real canon' is literally a part of what makes it great- fanfic, far from being lessened by its non-canonicity, is enriched by the way that changes how it reads to its audience contextually and what it can do. But trying to read MTMTE through that lens makes no sense, and tbh, it feels very much like people are being almost… defensive about liking it in a way I find unnecessary and self-defeating.

And it is reeeeeal telling to me that exRiD does not get this treatment. Aileron is not 'Barber's OC', people do not hedge their bets on its appeal to the broader TF fanbase. You know? Some combination of knowing Roberts used to write fanfic and its content being seen as somehow 'fanfic like' (read: character driven and heavily interested in romance and interpersonal relationships) drives us more towards that view for MTMTE as a fandom.

And just to finish off: I've read a lot more of Roberts' fic than a lot of people in this fandom, I suspect. I can tell you right now, his fanfic and his MTMTE work honestly… don't overlap that much. There are things you can point to, but MTMTE is a completely different ballgame in almost every way. I know it's beating a dead horse and this point to say, but one would not necessarily recommend Eugenesis, for example, to a MTMTE fan. To put it lightly.