#in my Capitalizing Every Word arc

[awkward-tension-art]

Darkness on Umbara Chp.6 (Rex x Reader)

Chapter 5. Chapter 7.

The Gorge

cw: Rex x Reader, Reader is a medic, incorrect military procedure, graphic descriptions of injuries, blood, swearing, death and battle, Spoilers for the Umbara Arc, Pong Krell is an asshole, reader insert, names of non-canon dead clones, reader is gender neutral, no use of (Y/N), if i miss a tag LMK

Minors DN

Airbase. 

That’s the priority. That's why the 501st had retreated away from the capital. 

A fucking airbase.

You could see it in the distance from where you were. The tall tower was clearly marked by a bright pillar of light that reached towards the clouds.

As Fives, Krell and Rex inspected the area on a cliffside, you and Kix weaved around the men, treating any injuries you saw. Sadly, painkillers were getting to low levels, so you decided to use them for the truly brutal wounds. For those you had to deem were suffering beyond comprehension.

You regretted using them on yourself. 

But, everyone else…well, they were big boys. They just had to handle it. Judging by the uninterested look that Hardcase had while Kix stitched up his shoulder, you were confident that the men weren’t going to complain. 

Your gaze swept over the battalion. The dark, tentacle-like trees had fanned out from the jungle, allowing an easier view of the soldiers. You counted the silhouettes, their white and blue armor stark against the ash colored ground. 

By the end you were right. A majority of the battalion had been injured in some way. Wounds were expected. But this many…It was getting hard to keep up, and judging by the way Kix swayed slightly when he stood, he was feeling the same thing.

“Alright men, we’re splitting the battalion,” Rex called, getting everyone at attention, “Half of you will remain here. The other half, follow me down to the gorge.”

You sighed and watched them go. Your tired steps were about to go to your medical speeder, but Krell halted you, “Doctor, you will be going with them.” He stepped between you and your goal, which was to resupply.

“Respectfully, sir,” you looked up into his small yellow eyes, “I think it would be better if I remained here and-.”

“My orders are for you to go with the platoons down to the gorge.” the besalisk crossed two of his four arms, surprisingly, he wasn’t yelling at you. Instead, his tone was icy and yet uninterested, “I’ve seen how you are during battle, and your expertise is wasted as a backline medic. You will be with the men on the front.”

You blinked and nodded. Was that a compliment? 

“Understood, sir.” you saluted with your uninjured arm and followed the platoon. At this point, arguing with him about your training would only result in a bad outcome.

You found your position next to Kix, who looked very unhappy to see you, “please don’t tell me…” 

“He complimented me,” you gave a sarcastic smile, “Said my expertise was wasted by not being on the front.”

Before Kix could respond, Rex began to speak, getting all the attention onto him, “Alright listen up!” His voice held authority with every word, “We’ll assemble the squads into two divisions. We’ll move straight up this gorge to the airbase on the far side.”

The medic beside you snapped, “The casualties are going to be high!” 

Tup scoffed, “Is Krell trying to get us killed!?”

“You know, I wasn’t sure that Krell was crazy before.” Jesse snarled, helmet in his hand. He practically glared at Rex as he continued, “But now, I’m positive!”

“We had to retreat from the capital because the general pushed a flawed strategy!” It was Fives’ turn to argue, “Now this?”

Hardcase raised his heavy weapon, “I don’t know! Could be fun.”

“Well, I, for one, agree with the general's plan.” Dogma chimed in, seeming much more confident than anyone else. 

“What plan?” You turned to face him, “Blindly rushing into the unknown without a care for the costs isn’t a plan!” Your words might’ve struck Rex, truthfully, you couldn’t look at him to find out. 

You had all the faith in him. You just had no faith in Krell or his tactics. But arguing would seem like you were against your lover and not the temporary General.

“We are running out of time and this is the best option!”

Jesse spoke up again, royally pissed, “No recon? No air support? We don’t know what we’re up against!” He waved his helmet in the air in frustration, “They have weapons we’ve never seen before!” To punctuate his point, he tapped his helmet to his head a couple of times. 

The 501st captain stepped forward, attempting to reason with everyone, “A few of General Skywalker’s plans seemed reckless too, but they worked.”

His words did little to ease the rising tempers, “Yeah, but General Skywalker is usually leading his men up in the front not bringing up the rear like General Krell!” Fives stepped towards Rex, riling up everyone else, “A full frontal assault would leave us too exposed!”

The other men rose up in dissatisfied chatter. They were clearly unhappy with the plan.

“We have to look at other options!”

“It's going to be a meat grinder!”

Rex sighed, frustration clear, “Fives.” He commanded the ARC trooper to follow. The two stepped away, out of earshot. 

“What supplies do we have?” Kix turned to face you, “This…is going to be difficult.”

Wordlessly you took off your pack and knelt to go through the packs you carried. Luckily the both of you stocked up as well as you could from everything on the medical speeder. But it never hurts to check. 

Bandages and bacta were the most needed, and hopefully, you had enough to see this through.

You attempted to get your pack back on by lifting it with your bad arm, only to drop it and hiss in pain. 

“Damnit.” you swallowed, feeling the very bone pulse in agony. It’s only been a few hours since you were shot. Your arm was nowhere near healed. 

Kix put a hand on your uninjured shoulder to hold you steady, “Take it easy.”

“I’m fine,” You mumbled, adjusting your pack, “The men have survived worse than this. How would it look if I burst into tears every time I get hurt?” 

“Nearly getting your arm blasted off isn’t just ‘getting hurt’. If you need a break, the others will understand.” He argued softly.

You shook your head, “And what about you? You’ve been unsteady on your feet from exhaustion for hours and yet you still run around helping those who are wounded.”

“Only because you’ve been taking a majority of them.” Kix responded, though he didn’t argue with your point. 

“Are you two done?” Dogma snapped from his position, “We’re about to start moving.”

“Hey, Dogma, have you considered shutting the fuck up?” An ARF trooper, Jumper, leaned forward on his AT-RT to silence the ground soldier, “How about you don’t pick a fight with the two people keeping all of us alive.”

“Hey-!”

“Everyone, enough.” Jesse finally stepped in to get everyone quiet, “Now is not the time or the place.” A mere minute later instructions were given. 

You’d go with Rex and his half of the platoon. Kix would go with Fives and Hardcase and their half. 

Splitting up…wonderful idea. There’s no way that could ever go wrong. 

You hung back, keeping your position behind a majority of the men. Noct and Nax, however, were walking on either side of you. As if they were intending to guard you from threats. Your nod to them was in appreciation as both platoons marched forward slowly and carefully. 

Three of those flying beasts that attacked on the main road flew overhead. They didn’t make a dive or move towards anyone on the ground. Instead, you’d think they were fleeing something.

A rapidly approaching rumble cut off your thoughts. The ground was shaking, and it was only getting worse. Nax grabbed your wrist to keep you steady as the vibrations got stronger and louder. Even the AT-RT’s were unstable from the sheer power of the sway.

You raised your comm and began to speak, “Kix, what is going-.”

In the distance, you heard the commotion. Shouting. Booms. It sounded like something was…howling? 

Everything around you was shaking violently, and Kix finally responded, “We’re under attack!”

Without wait, Rex diverted off the original path to aid his brothers. You all ran as quickly as you could despite the dark, dense plant life that hindered your movements. Once you made it over the ridge, you paused, taking in the battle.

Chaos. Chaos and mayhem. At the center of it all, was a tank in the shape of a centipede, marked with blue lights. It roared before slamming down, killing all soldiers under its massive body. 

“Get those rocket launchers down there! Move it troopers!” Rex commanded, pistols in hand and immediately running to aid the soldiers.

The blaster guns that ran down the centipede tanks back were firing in all directions, making it difficult to maneuver or navigate. Still, you managed to get close enough while remaining behind the cover of a massive tree and its roots.

One of the green shots hit Jumper’s AT-RT, killing him in a burst of neon flames.

Another name to your list.

“Watch out!” The ARF trooper next to you called as another tank shot up from the ground. He was hit almost instantly, knocking down from his vehicle. immediately your hands were on him and dragging him behind cover. 

“I got you, Dia.” you reassured, pulling off his helmet.

Pupils uneven. Head injury. Concussion. Watch for seizures or signs of stroke. Traumatic brain injuries were difficult to deal with in such a chaotic environment, but you did what you could with the supplies you have. 

One of the tanks swung its massive head, slamming into one of the troopers that had a much needed rocket launcher. He hit the ground, but curled his body to protect the precious weapon. Once the Umbaran tank turned to continue its destruction, Kix leapt out from the black and red foliage. Thank whatever gods decided to keep him alive!

He grabbed the trooper just as Hardcase got the rocket launcher. You rushed out to join him, taking hold of one of the troopers shoulders, “Follow me!” You shouted, leading the medic to your position of cover hidden in the dense trees. When you returned, there were already several more injured that were taking refuge.

Behind you, there was another explosion. The now headless tank roared before it melted into a screech. Its massive silver and blue body twisted and spasmed as every section burst into flames and destruction. You spotted Fives and Hardcase sprinting to avoid getting hit by its thrashing legs.

Rex called out, tone commanding yet anxious, “Everyone regroup, now! Take cover!” 

The platoons scattered, fleeing into the dark and foggy forest. Luckily the thick trunks and roots of the red, glowing trees were condensed enough the tanks couldn’t push through. 

“Move it! Move it!”

“Let's go!”

“Go! Go! Go!”

You swallowed and looked up at Rex. He was breathing heavily, but still standing. However, you didn’t miss the blood on his wrist. 

You reached into a small pack on your thigh and took out clean bandages as you approached. He would always opt for bandages and not bacta. At every battle, if he got hurt, he’d reject the medicine, saying ‘save it for the next soldier you treat.’ So you’ve learned to just accept his selflessness and use standard first-aid supplies if the wounds weren’t so bad.

“We’re safe for the moment, but they’ll be coming around any second,” He continued to lead the men, not stopping even when you grabbed his wrist and began to bandage it up, “Bring up the launchers, spread detonators along that corridor. Trap them in the bottleneck.” The captain nodded in appreciation once you finished your work. He continued, “We’re going to blow those things sky high.”

Fives rushed past you to a soldier, Hana, who carried explosives in a large pack. He grabbed several of the bombs before running with the other to the narrow part of the gorge. Several others followed the ARC trooper. 

You remained with the injured, just like Kix. Your focus was on the trooper, Hek, in your arms working to stem the bleeding on his chest. However, no matter what you tried, he slipped away under your hands.

Hek. One more death to blame on Krell.

Your priority shifted to Silk, who had sat down and waited patiently with a bleeding, smoldering neck and shoulder wound. Either he was the most patient man in existence, or mentally gone. It didn’t matter though, because you began to patch him up, using whatever you could to save him.

After a few moments, the ground shook violently again, causing you to hold him close to your chest to protect. From the direction of where the men placed bombs, you heard the booms and crackles of their explosives detonating. The tanks they destroyed howled and wailed as it sounded like they crashed into one another, ripping each other apart.

Soldiers had run back to your position to take cover from the resulting explosions. Hardcase dove to your right, getting behind the massive root protecting everyone from the fire. Rex, who was thrown from the force of the bombs, landed on his front right next to you and Silk. Fives and Jesse stumbled, also hitting the dirt after getting shoved by the burst of heat and flames. 

It was a few seconds later when your ears were blessed with silence. Seemed everyone was waiting for…something. Another attack? Or just appreciating the brief moment of calm.

The captain got onto one knee, turned his head to you, and his shoulders slumped slightly with relief, “Good job.” he stood, addressing his men, “Be ready to move out in five.”

Five minutes to rest.

Hardly enough time for you and Kix to tend to all those that were sporting injuries, but you could at least handle the more serious cases. And in those five minutes, despite your best efforts….

Fyre. Vim. Oz. Ringo. North. Gabe. Tro. Tess. Zeb. Sante. Reign. Pheon. Dawn. Nim. Jamie. Jumper. Hek. Recon. Mav. Zeo.

You added a few more names to the list of the dead.

[tleeaves]

Folks going "WHAT they made a show about the Fallout franchise?? I've been hearing people say Bethesda messed it up, but I haven't watched it myself, so I'm going to trust the word of other people -- some of which also haven't finished watching it" is driving me insane.

Being a hard core fan of something obviously brings with it a lot of passionate feelings when adaptations come into play. Of course, there's going to be people going "but in 8 episodes of the first ever season they made, they didn't explore Theme C or D, didn't introduce factions E and F and G, and because the source company is notorious for its scams, we and everyone else who's a TRUE fan should hate it".

The Amazon Original series Fallout follows the videogame franchise of the same name. It is a labour of love and you can tell by the attention to detail, the writing, the sets, and YES THE THEMES ARGUE WITH THE WALL. It's clearly fan service. I mean, the very characterisation of Lucy is a deadringer for someone playing a Fallout game for the first time. She embodies the innocent player whose expectations drastically change in a game that breaks your heart over and over again. Of course, she's also the vessel through which we explore a lot of themes, but I'll get to that.

There're some folks arguing that the show retcons the games, and I gotta say... for a website practically built on fandom culture, why are we so violently against the idea of someone basing an adaptation on a franchise that so easily lends itself to new and interesting interpretations? But to be frank, a lot of what AO's Fallout is not that new. We have: naive Vault dweller, sexy traumatised ghoul that people who aren't cowards will thirst over, and pathetic guy from a militaristic faction. We also have: total atomic annihilation, and literally in-world references to the games' lore and worldbuilding constantly (the way I was shaking my sister over seeing Grognark the Barbarian, Sugar Bombs, Cram, Stimpaks, and bags of RadAway was ridiculous). Oh, and the Red Rocket?? Best pal Dogmeat? I'm definitely outing myself as specifically a Fallout 4 player, but that's not the point you should be taking away from this.

The details, the references, and the new characters -- this show is practically SCREAMING "hey look, we did this for the fans, we hope you love it as much as we do". Who cares that the characters are new, they still hold the essence of ones we used to know! And they're still interesting, so goddamn bloody interesting. Their arcs mean so much to the story, and they're told in a genuinely intriguing way. This isn't just any videogame adaptation, this was gold. This sits near Netflix's Arcane: League of Legends level in videogame adaptation. Both series create new plots out of familiar worlds.

Of course, those who've done the work have already figured out AO's Fallout is not a retcon anyway. But even if it was, that shouldn't take away from the fact that this show is actually good. Not even just good, it's great.

Were some references a little shoe-horned in to the themes by the end of the show, such as with "War never changes"? Yes, I thought so. But I love how even with a new plot and characters, they're actually still exploring the same themes and staying true to the games. I've seen folks argue otherwise, but I truly disagree. The way capitalism poisons our world, represented primarily through The American Dream and the atomic age of the 45-50s that promoted the nuclear family dynamic -- it's there. If you think it's glorifying it by leaning so heavily into in the adaptation, I feel like you're not seeing it from the right angle. It's like saying Of Mice And Men by John Steinbeck glorifies the American Dream, when both this book and the Fallout franchise are criticisms of it. If you think about it, the post-apocalyptic world of Fallout is a graveyard to the American Dream. This criticism comes from the plots that are built into every Fallout story that I know of. The Vaults are literally constructed to be their own horror story just by their mere existence, what they stand for, what happens in each of them. The whole entire show is about the preservation of the wrong things leading to fucked up worlds and people. The missions of the Vaults are time and again proven to be fruitless, unethical, plain wrong. Lucy is our brainwashed character who believed in the veritable cult she lived in before she found out the truth.

So then consider the Brotherhood of Steel. I really don't think it exists in the story to glorify the military. We see just how much the Brotherhood has brainwashed people like Max (also, anything ominously named something like "the Brotherhood" should raise eyebrows). Personally, I don't like Max, but I am intrigued by his characterisation. I thought the end of his arc was rushed the way he "came good" basically, but [SPOILERS] having him embraced as a knight in the Brotherhood at the end against his will -- finally getting something he always wanted -- and him grimly accepting it from all that we can tell? Him having that destiny forced upon him now that he's swaying? After he defected? If his storyline is meant to be a tragedy, it wouldn't surprise me, because Fallout is rife with tragedies anyway. And a tragedy would also be a criticism of the military. That's what Max's entire arc is. It goes from the microcosm focusing on the cycle of bullying between soldiers to the macro-environment where Max is being forced to continue a cycle of violence against humanity he doesn't want to anymore because a world driven to extremes forces him to choose it to survive (not to mention what a cult and no family would do to his psyche). Let's not forget what the Brotherhood's rules are: humankind is supreme. Mutants, ghouls, synths, and robots are abominations to be hated and destroyed. If you can't draw the parallels to the real world, you need to retake history and literature classes. The Brotherhood is also about preserving the wrong things, like the Vaults (like the Enclave, really). They just came about through different method. The Enclave is capitalism and twisted greed in a world where money barely exists anymore. The Brotherhood is, well, fascism plain and simple.

Are these the only factions in the Fallout franchise? Hell no. But if you're mad about that -- that they're the main ones explored, apart from the NCR -- I think you're missing the point. These themes, these reminders, are highly relevant in the current climate. In fact, I almost think they always will be relevant unless we undergo drastic change. On the surface-level, Fallout seems like the American ideal complete with guns blazing that guys in their basements jerk off to. Under that surface, is a mind-fuck story about almost the entire opposite: it's a deconstruction of American ideals that are held so closely by some, and the way that key notion of freedom gets twisted, and you're shooting a guy in-game because it's more merciful than what the world had in store for him.

I mean, the ghoul's a fucking cowboy from the wild west character he used to play in Hollywood glam and his wife was one of the people who helped blow up America in the name of capitalism and "peace". There are so many layers of this to explore, I'd need several days to try and keep track and go through it all.

The Amazon Prime show is a testament to the Fallout franchise. The message, the themes? They were not messed up or muddled or anything of the sort, in my opinion.

As for Todd Howard, that Bethesda guy, I'm sure there's perfectly valid reasons to hate him. I mean, I've hated people for a lot less valid reasons, and that's valid. We all got our feelings. But the show is about more than just him. My advice is to keep that in mind when you're judging it.

[xf-cases-solved]

i made more x-files words with my brain, wrote them down, and then put them on the internet for you to read and process into meaning with your own brain, if you're so inclined. cancer arc angst for those who are always sluts for s4 like me

click on the following link to consume my words: She Still Has Her Hair

[cw: suicidal ideation and descriptions of illness/hospitals/ivs/pain medication]

here's a snippet:

She hasn't lost her hair, and that's so much worse.

If she had lost her hair, maybe he would have noticed how bad things have gotten before now. 

Because that's what you think of when you think of cancer patients, right? You picture bald heads and missing brows above sunken, darkly circled eyes. You picture tears in the bathroom as the buzz of a razor shears away the remaining tufts among the patchy surface of a scalp. You picture each fallen strand as another inch marched toward a headstone. When you see a cancer patient with no hair, you know that they are Sick with a capital S. When a cancer patient with no hair shows symptoms of their illness, it doesn't come as a surprise.

However, Scully hasn't lost her hair, and so when she calls him at eleven fifteen on a Sunday night—voice a cracked windshield about to shatter into a million pieces, and a sob lodged in her throat like a chicken bone she can't cough up—he's taken by surprise.

He shouldn't be, but he is.

She still has her hair.

But "Mulder, it's me" has never sounded so frail before, and it terrifies him almost more than the voicemail she left on his answering machine two, nearly three years ago; the one that ended with the sounds of a physical fight filled with cries for help before being abruptly cut off, leaving nothing but horrible questions and no answers.

"What's wrong?" he asks. He'd been dozing on the couch with the lights of a muted infomercial dancing over his face, but at the sound of her voice he is instantly upright and alert. When she doesn't answer right away, he presses, more firmly, "Scully? What's wrong? "

"I was prescribed a new medication at my appointment Friday afternoon, and I can't..." Through the receiver he hears her take a steadying breath. "Supposedly this medication is meant to have a less nauseating effect on patients, but in roughly seven percent of cases, it has actually been shown to increase nausea in certain individuals, leading to severe emesis which eventually culminates in dehydration, presenting with symptoms such as dry mouth, lightheadedness, infrequent or oddly colored urine, confu—"

"And are you one of these patients in the seven percent?" Mulder asks, interrupting her clinical recitation that he suspects is her way of keeping herself detached from her own experience. Scully's silence is answer enough. "When was the last time you were able to keep something down?"

"I don't know," she says quietly.

"More than twelve hours?"

"Yes."

"More than twenty-four?" Nothing. "More than thirty-six?" She's silent. "Scully, you haven't been able to keep down food or water for over thirty-six hours?"

"It started early yesterday morning. Before sunrise, I think."

"Is it just vomiting? Is there anything else going on?"

"I..." She trails off, and Mulder suspects her innate desire to never show a shred of weakness to anyone (but especially him, for some godforsaken reason) is currently at war with the part of her that's spent the better part of two days all alone on the bathroom floor. 

"Tell me, Scully. Don't try to lie or sugarcoat it, just be honest."

"The medication, in conjunction with the physical act of vomiting, has led to a fairly severe case of myalgia—muscle pain—that began and is most prominent in the neck and upper back, but which has since spread to... to... oh God, Mulder"—the crack in her voice is heartbreaking—"it hurts everywhere. Everywhere . I'm in so much pain and I haven't taken a piss in over a day and every time I throw up my head pounds so hard my vision goes white. That's not hyperbole, Mulder, these headaches are quite literally blinding, and what if it's not the pain causing it? What if there's new tumor growth affecting my optic nerves, and this is just foreshadowing for what's yet to come? I don't want to go blind, Mulder, what am I going to do? I can't work if I'm blind. I can't do anything. I don't like the dark, and everything in my body hurts, and I just want it all to stop. Please help. Please help make it stop, Mulder, I hurt so bad." 

By the end of her venting, the sob that had been stuck in her throat has been set loose, and she's crying freely now, pouring out her heart in a way that would probably sound like full-blown bawling if she were strong enough. As it is, her weeping comes out in a strained wheeze, like the squeaky whistle of air sneaking through a small crack in the window when the car is speeding down a highway. 

"Please," she begs again, and the way she speaks reminds him of what it was like to wake up with a stomachache in the middle of the night as a kid and cry out for his mother. It reminds him how desperately afraid and alone he'd feel until his mother was finally roused by his calls, and padded into his room with sleepy eyes and a soft voice so as to not wake up his sister in the room next door.

Maybe, he thinks, it doesn't matter how old you are—that no matter what, being sick by yourself will always be your loneliest moment.

"I'm grabbing my keys right now, Scully, I'm on my way out the door." He jingles the ring of keys in his hand by the receiver of the phone so that she can hear their little chime and hopefully be comforted by it. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Okay," she whispers, no longer crying, but Mulder suspects it has more to do with a lack of physical strength than anything else.

"I'm gonna have to take you to the hospital," he warns. He's sure she expects as much, but it would be easier to get the fight out of the way now if she's going to be resistant.

It's a testament to how utter dogshit she must feel when she says nothing more than another melancholic, "Okay." Somehow, her agreeing to seek help scares him more than if she were refusing. 

"Hang tight, Scully," he tells her gently. "I'm coming."

[llovelymoonn]

i'm going on uni exchange to france this august to december - does anyone have any suggestions for where i should go while there?

i'll be near paris so anywhere that's easy to get from there (and cheap too haha). i like history/museums and also natural attractions, i'm a trail runner so hikes, national park recommendations etc. would be awesome. i'd also love some more 'off the beaten path' recommendations but also want to cross off a lot of the big sights too (i've been to the colosseum, st peter's basilica, ponte vichio, galleria dell'accademia, berlin wall/east side gallery, buckingham palace, big ben, umm those are the only ones i can think of off the top of my head lol). i'm not interested in skiing/snowboarding and i'm coeliac so most foodie experiences are off the table unfortunately.

i really want to see more of france (have been to paris before and done some of the 'big sights' like the eiffel tower, arc de triomphe, galerie lafeyette, the louvre etc., basically most of the typical paris sights), a goal of mine is to see all the capitals (if that's the right word) of every french state (province?).

i speak german and am really keen to get back to germany so any recommendations there would be great too.

i've been to berlin, munich, frankfurt (only really the airport though lol), leipzig, hannover, dresden, rome, florence, venice, verona, vienna, salzburg (hardly saw as i just got out of hospital the day before we got there lmao i spent the whole time we were there in bed so would defo love to get back here, liked the tiny bit of it i saw), paris, reims, amsterdam, london, cambridge, budapest -- am pretty keen to get back to these places but also want to see new cities/countries too. i'm australian so unless i move to europe i'll have never have an opportunity like this again too, am pretty keen to see places like andorra, luxembourg, czechia etc. really just anywhere i can get to.

thank youse ❤️❤️

[blorb-el]

Don’t know if you made a post on this but what’s your opinion on DCAU Clark and how unapproachable(?) they made him in the later JL/JLU series without ever resolving it? Like I know the Cadmus arc hinges on him never considering himself a possible threat but it seems there was room for no much introspection outside a couple moments (that were later backtracked).

I've had like 6 half finished posts about this buried deep in the drafts for a year because I have capital B Brain Rot about this, but every time I tried to write it out I got six sentences in and wanted to rewatch the entire DCAU in order to get my facts straight. This time I'm resisting the urge, so forgive me if I forget specific episodes

Also, unfortunately for you, it’s nanowrimo, which means my brain is in Type All The Words Mode, and not Communicate Effectively and Succinctly Mode, and also I need a break from WSBF chapter 8, so. You’re getting a 3.5k essay sort of answering this question but not really. you will see

Thank you to my fellow lawyer for the defense of Rectangle Clark @januariat for helping to put this together

I do rewatch STAS and JL a fair amount, but much less JLU, so I actually don’t have much to say about the specific execution there. I’m planning on rewatching it soon. But for now…

To me it boils down to two answers. The Doylist answer, and what I think the writers really did have in mind, is that they came up with the Cadmus plot, knew it was an absolute banger of a storyline, and decided that it was worth compromising Superman's personality in order to write a good story. which is not something I can fault them for - as a fanfic writer, I make the same calculated tradeoffs every time I set out to write a fic. Characters are tools for narrative, even if these particular characters come with an additional weight of the tradition of collaborative storytelling that their most effective stories honor.

However, I do think it’s possible to, post-hoc, cobble together a Watsonian, narratively satisfying (if fucked up and sad) character arc for DCAU Clark if you also take STAS and JL into account. I think the key to understanding his character arc is his relationship with control. Throughout STAS, JL, and JLU, and then one more time in Batman Beyond for good measure, over and over again, he's manipulated and his powers and body are used as resources for other people. Obviously that’s not much of an excuse for becoming more authoritarian/overbearing/etc, Fascism Is Bad and I personally think a more IC superman would retreat more than double down (as in Kingdom Come), but looking at the totality of things that have happened to him before Cadmus, it's a little more understandable why he'd get close to snapping under the strain. Here's my personal reading of his arc, and the events that might have led to Clark behaving so irrationally in JLU.

cut for sheer length, but also mentions of manipulation, sexual assault, victim blaming, that sort of thing

One of the recurring themes in the DCAU is villains dehumanizing, depowering, and/or manipulating Clark. In STAS, Parasite, Lex via Bizarro, Talia and Ra’s al Ghul use him as a source for their own power. The Preserver and Maxima treat him like some exotic prize, disregarding his wishes. Jax-Ur and Mala use him and then betray him. But the most impactful, by far, is Darkseid.

In Apokolips Now, Darkseid defeats Clark, puts his bleeding body into public stocks, and drags him through the middle of Metropolis. Clark’s only rescued by the last minute intervention of the New Gods, and as a parting shot Darkseid murders Clark’s friend in front of everyone. Even though Clark prevents Earth from turning into Apokolips, it’s a huge emotional loss, and they don’t shy away from showing his rage and helplessness. But it’s when Darkseid returns in Legacy, the finale of STAS, that Clark’s life truly takes a turn for the worse.

Forgive me if this is all plot recap to you, anon, but I feel like a lot of people don’t know that STAS ends with Clark being mind controlled, heavily implied to be sexually assaulted, and forced to try to take over the Earth, killing god knows how many people in the process. When the military finally brings him down with a Kryptonite warhead and imprisons him, they nearly kill Supergirl in the process. Then Lex almost gives him a lethal injection, with a US general looking on, implying that the government approves of killing him. Lois breaks him out, he tries to get help for Kara from Dr. Hamilton, and then goes to Apokolips. Most fights in STAS have him shrug off blows. He ends this one bleeding from his mouth, looking almost dead. When he finally casts down Darkseid, tells the Hunger Dogs (the slaves on Apokolips) that they’re free… they turn away from Superman. They cluster around Darkseid to protect and heal him.

Those universal truths of a lot of Superman stories, that goodness and liberty and the American Way* always win? They don't in STAS. A representative of the US government (as far as he knows) has tried to kill him. He lost his temper and spoke in a harsh tone of voice once, because Kara was dying and he was hurt and desperate, and now his friend Dr. Hamilton, the man he trusted to repair the Kryptonian ship, study his body and his powers, one of the people who knew him best in STAS, is afraid of him - and, as we find out later, takes immediate, drastic, and violating action against Kara and against him. The series ends with the small town man standing on the roof of the Planet, hearing people hate and fear him, wondering how people will ever trust him again.

*I hate this phrase personally when used as a Superman Motto, but it's used here as a contrast to the fascistic imagery of Apokolips Now and Legacy (as well as Brave New World, which, hoo boy, we aren’t even getting into that one).

Six months (iirc) after the STAS finale, in Secret Origins, the US government has agreed to let a visibly older and wearier Superman help disarm the nuclear stockpile - only for this to backfire on him because it was a Plot by the White Martians. Clark’s let down the country again. He’s helped aliens invade again, and to make matters worse, he sped away in the middle of an attack to break into an official government facility to free J'onn. Clark founds the Justice League beginning from a place of personal failure, as a check on himself. Clark has power and wants to help people with it, but he’s been turned against people he cares about, and has twice now failed to protect the world. It’s worth noting that Legacy put him into the world stage; before, in STAS, I can’t think of any true worldwide threats besides maybe Jax-Ur and Mala.

Most of the rest of season 1 of JL isn’t particularly Clark-focused, although he does appear in a lot of episodes, but the themes of some of these episodes are potentially relevant to understanding his character later, so: brief bullet point summaries.

During In Blackest Night, Clark sees his respected colleague turn himself into an authority that turns out to be incompetent investigators looking for a scapegoat. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here. 

During The Enemy Below, on Clark’s advice, Aquaman tries to solve his problems peacefully with diplomacy and is immediately shot in a life threatening assassination attempt.  Peaceful diplomacy doesn't work so well for him.

During Injustice for All, Lex is dying of cancer. Clark tries to reach out and is rebuffed, with Lex going on to try to found a team to kill him and the rest of the League.

During Paradise Lost, Clark sees his respected colleague turn herself into the authorities and immediately get banished from her home for the crime of trying to save it with all the resources she had at her disposal. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here, again. 

During War World, Clark’s again captured for exploitation. This is essentially a retread of The Main Man from STAS, doubling down on how some people see him as a thing to be exploited.

During Fury, Clark’s completely ineffective at preventing an attempted genocide of half the world’s population.

Season 2 opens with Twilight, one of the most important episodes for understanding Clark’s mindset during the Cadmus arc. Imagine, if you will, the above happening to you. Darkseid shows up at your workplace. And the man you’ve worked with the longest, your friend, your ally, tells you to cry him a river, build him a bridge, and get over it. Tells you to get over being brainwashed, manipulated, and humiliated. Tells you to get over having your broken and bleeding body paraded around the streets of Metropolis, tells you to get over having your friend killed in front of you for trying to defend you, tells you to get over almost getting your cousin killed. Sure, Brainiac is a planetary-scale threat; Darkseid and Apokolips are in real trouble. Clark was wrong to write off Apokolips and its people, and the League should absolutely have intervened in the situation. But the way Bruce went about it was… one of the harshest things DCAU Bruce has ever done, and one of the only times the narrative seems to actually agree that he was an asshole about it. And even then, you really need the context of STAS to understand why Clark is so furious and hurt in this scene.

Clark relents and goes along with Bruce’s plan to trust Darkseid, only to end up betrayed again, the whole ruse just another ploy for Brainiac to gain control of Clark, torture him, and use Clark’s body to upgrade himself. Clark had spared Darkseid back on Apokolips at the end of Legacy, on Kara’s advice. But now Darkseid’s come after him, again. Used him again to put not only Earth but who knows how many other worlds at risk, now that Brainiac’s even more powerful. It’s the downfall of Krypton, over and over again. And when Clark goes to end it, I think he doesn’t care that the base is about to go, as long as Darkseid goes down with it. That isn’t a price Bruce is willing to pay, so he teleports Clark out. And he’s wrong, again. “No one could have survived that.” Well… no, Bruce. Darkseid does, and Clark knows it.

During Tabula Rasa, Lex manipulates Amazo the exact way he tried to use Bizarro. Clark once again fails to guard against a terrible, potentially world-ending threat, and in fact makes the situation worse by his very presence.

Then we come to Only a Dream, another key episode in understanding this version of Superman. Clark’s deepest fear is that his powers will keep on growing beyond his ability to control them, eventually destroying everything around him. In his nightmare He kills Lois and Jimmy, destroys the Daily Planet, and grows into a brutish, hulking, clumsy figure, first crying out for someone to help him, and then losing hope. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He goes back to the Kent farm and curls up in the spaceship in the fetal position, convinced that he’s only going to hurt anyone who tries to help. Is it any wonder, since that’s literally what’s happened to him in Legacy? Is it any wonder that he’d want to give up, to retreat? If we’re to take the World of Cardboard speech literally, he’s already having to focus on this restraint every day, in every interaction. This is my personal explanation/hc as to why in every single fight he lets himself get knocked around a bit first; he’s calibrating how hard he can hit back without doing irrevocable damage. Anyway. Deeply fucked up 2 minutes of horror. Wish they’d explored this a little bit more in later seasons.

Then, directly after this, it’s A Better World. After we’ve just seen that his worst nightmare is hurting people by being unable to control his powers, we come face to face with a world where he’s hurt people by the precise and controlled application of his powers. Justice Lord Clark uses the same Superman Robots we saw Kara use in Legacy. He’s become quite adept at his lobotomization techniques. Later on in JLU, we see ‘our’ universe’s Clark attempt to lobotomize Doomsday the exact same way Justice Lord Superman did. Again, Clark fails to protect the world from himself, and to make matters worse, the guy to save the day is Lex Luthor. I’d be a little miffed if the maniac who wants to kill me so so bad turned out to be instrumental in saving the world and now I owe him some unspecified favor in the future. Clark’s met with failure and distrust trying to fix things his way, now he tries to do things in an uncharacteristically sneaky way and… gets met with more dislike and distrust.

Eclipsed continues this trend of hurting his friends; he’s temporarily mind controlled and hurts Wally.

In The Terror Beyond, he fucks up and puts the world in danger again, all because from his point of view, he tried to prevent Solomon Grundy being manipulated and used (like he himself has been used over and over again).

In Secret Society, his frustration comes to a peak, amplified by Grodd’s telepathic manipulation. He’s been trying to do his best, but he snaps that he’s had better luck fighting armies alone (dubious plural there, but he did pretty much evaporate an army in Legacy, so at least once, ok) and that he’s had to hold back his abilities in order to be on the League. Again if we take the World of Cardboard speech at face value, this is true, and we see it in the episode when he accidentally hurts Shayera with heat vision despite shouting a warning beforehand. It’s also telling how other members of the League have the ability to constantly voice doubts about its usefulness and cohesiveness as an organization (hi Bruce) but when he expresses the same doubts everyone gasps. When he expresses his doubt and frustration, when he steps away, the organization that’s collectively saved the world several times falls apart; they’re reliant on him, and he has to be aware of the entire existence of the League as an extra burden of responsibility.

Since both this episode and the Cadmus arc as a whole are meant to show his flaws as a leader, it’s worth examining the foundations of that leadership as established in the DCAU. Clark’s the leader of the League, but narratively, Bruce is its brains and its ethics and Wally is its heart. As a result, Clark is filling the role of leader of the League without the narrative scaffolding that gives him the respect comics incarnations of the character are generally accorded. (I’m admittedly only drawing here from the JLA runs I’ve personally read, Morrison/Porter 90’s JLA and the early Fox/Sekowsky 60’s JLA). Superman might not technically be the First Superhero according to these continuities, but he is respected as though he is (and as we comic book nerds know him to be). The League in these comics treat him as something of an ethical standard bearer, a primus inter pares, as well as being the muscle. In the DCAU, Batman, having founded the DCAU with BTAS, is the First Superhero, and the entire plotline of the Justice Lords centers Wally as the emotional anchor of the team. Clark doesn’t have that pre-established stature. What really qualifies him to be the leader, besides the fact that Bruce doesn’t want to do it? His position seems precarious, relying more on Superman’s pre-established reputation than his actual onscreen characterization. Centering Bruce and Wally are legitimate creative choices I don’t even necessarily disagree with, but it means Clark-as-leader functions quite differently than more traditional JL structures.

Hereafter is something of a healing point for him. It’s a little fucked up that Superman almost bashes Vandal Savage’s head in with a rock, but you take what you can get at this point. He comes out of it fine, but everyone else is forced to reckon with what he means to them. Hereafter coming directly after Secret Society is a very good reunification for the League. Shame about what’s gonna happen in three episodes.

In Wild Cards, he’s useful to address the immediate threat but ineffective to stop the real, countrywide (worldwide?) threat. (I should note that of course I don’t expect every episode’s threat to be solved by Clark; I’m just pointing out a trend that I think his character would perceive as failures on his part. If the writers ever let him reflect.)

JL ends as it began, with another massive alien invasion that Clark helped facilitate in Starcrossed, by working with the Thanagarians during the first part of their plan. As a fellow exile, a fellow alien, he’s hurt and angry with Shayera’s betrayal… even though, in the end, in probably one of his best moments, he votes to allow her to stay in the League.

(Sidenote: almost every interaction Clark has had with other aliens have been despotic societies or individuals: Jax-Ur and Mala, Apokolips, Maxima’s planet, War World, and now Thanagar. The Guardians built robotic police/foot soldiers to enforce their will. Even New Genesis is ruled by a benevolent dictator. Martian society is nearly extinct, overrun by… more alien despots, surviving only with J'onn. Argoan society is nearly extinct, surviving only with Kara. At least Lobo isn’t a fascist? Small consolation.)

JLU begins after a short time skip. I’m not as familiar with JLU episodes since it’s been a while since I’ve watched them, so I’m not going to attempt an episode-by-episode breakdown. Also this post is already way too long. But the point of this post is to look at Clark’s overall arc until this point, and see how it informs his decisions in JLU. For a more JLU-specific informed point of view check this post by januariat!

What we have is a man who naturally wants to take responsibility on his own shoulders, a doer and a fixer who wants to get into the ring and solve problems, who wants to use his abilities to help, being confronted over and over again with a string of personal failures, manipulation, and betrayal. When he tries to set a boundary about not being willing to help the man who took over his body and forced him against his home in Twilight, he’s told to get over it by his most trusted ally. When his deepest fears are revealed in Only a Dream, we see them having been already realized in Legacy. And when he’s presented with his dream of a peaceful life farming, a family that loves him, and no responsibility to save the world, it’s ripped away from him in For The Man Who Has Everything.

Ultimately, I don’t have a good answer for exactly how he doubles down in JLU S2, because I need to rewatch all of it with this understanding of the character. But I think you can see the shape of a traditional Superman character in there, trying and trying again and again to do the right thing, putting himself on the line - only instead of learning from his experiences and letting them inform his actions, he’s carrying the weight of years of suppressed trauma while trying to hold up the entire Justice League. This long, long run of failure, manipulation, betrayal, and distrust adds up. And there’s only so much weight one person can hold on their shoulders, even if they are a Superman.

(And then as the nice little capstone to his story, in Batman Beyond's The Call, he’s kept under alien mind control for years! With the way Starro clings to his chest, he probably hasn’t been touched in years! Trapped in his own mind, forced to watch as yet another alien species uses him as a tool to hurt his own teammates and invade the Earth! And that’s the last we see of DCAU Clark! What a fun little ending to his character arc that doesn’t make me go insane whenever I think about it. Very very very normal about this.)

[lets-try-some-writing]

Hello! May we hear/read more about Revelator, please? 👀

You wish to know about my original work??? Chatter mode has been unlocked with this query.

Revelator is my attempt to make my workaholic brain shut up. I struggle to continue finding purpose in writing fics when I can't capitalize on it. So I decided it would be a good idea to take the basic premise of one of my fics and apply it to my own original work to inspire me to work on something productive and maintain my hobby. That said, Revelator follows the general premise of my most popular fic, The Many Lives of Optimus Prime.

Rant incoming.

In a universe where humanity has fled to the stars after their empire was shattered by an unknowable entity, twenty sentient robotic units are created by a relic that humanity does not understand but still houses. Due to a series of misfortunes on the world they tried to terraform, the last remnants of humanity are wiped out, leaving the entire world to the Twenty and the relic that made them.

The main character of this tale is the only one out of the Twenty who foresaw the coming deaths of their human masters and was promptly ignored. After humanity fell, he tried to guide the rest of the Twenty into creating a civilization in light of more of their kind being forged by the relic. His vocal nature led to his destruction at the hands of one of his fellows. However, against the odds, he found himself returned to full functionality in a new frame and with newfound purpose.

The relic that made him and the rest is more than it seems. It has sensed the threat that doomed humanity and it has no interest in watching its creations fall as well. And so it has chosen a champion, one whose sole mission is to endure the test of time, learn, grow, and ultimately gain enough power to shape this fledgling race so that they might stand a chance against the doom that is coming.

My original work follows my main character throughout his various lives and throughout the various eras of his world. He will watch, he will learn, and when he has lived long enough to have gained wisdom, everything will come together with him taking power. In many regards, his tale will mirror my fic. However, I am taking care to create an original world with a unique race to inhabit it. I hope to make each life its own story so that there is always something new to see and explore. In a way, its my worldbuilding project. I also want every excuse to not write humans. I need to keep to my niche or I will lose interest immediately. Thanks TF.

Thus far I have twenty three pages written, nine chapters fully planned, and the second arc mostly conceptualized. Here is a snippet from chapter one.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━

“You were not made to serve us, child of the Mind. Your creator made you for a reason that far exceeds anything myself or the commanders of this vessel could ever envision.” There was something sad in the priest’s tone as the lift came to a stop. Nineteen found himself conflicted as he watched his master step forward and onto the platform that ran around the exterior of the Great Mind.

“That conclusion has no logical basis.” He managed to murmur as he followed the priest. There was always something strange about being so close to the thing that made him. The thrum of its crimson core always had Nineteen’s personal fusion core pulsing in sync with the greater machine. 

“Child of the Mind, you have so little faith. Look upon yourself and your siblings, then see the rest of those made by the Mind. You are unique, each and every one of you.” The priest paused and gestured to Nineteen, prompting him to stop in his tracks. The surface of the Great Mind shifted in time with the priest’s words. Nineteen would almost claim it to be in response to his master’s commentary if he were a believer in any capacity. 

“We have purpose, and we shall serve.” Nineteen stated simply. There was little thought in his response. Whatever the priest was getting at was beyond his design. He and the twenty were made to serve. That was all. The loyalty coding, their sentience, and all the rest meant very little in the grand scheme of things. Nineteen would still be disposed of if he proved a burden, regardless of the potential mysticism around him and his kin. 

“You shall serve. But it shall not be those of flesh that you give your loyalty to.” The priest smiled, and it was only then that Nineteen noted the cables running from underneath his master’s robe. They were part of the augments priests of the mechanicus received, and at some point during their short walk, those cables had connected to the Great Mind.

There was no railing separating them from the relic, and as such, there was nothing to theoretically stop the priest from connecting to the Great Mind. Even still, Nineteen found himself unsettled. When had the connection occurred? Why did his master’s eyes hold a strange gleam to them?

“I do not understand.” He stood stiffly, his gaze flicking between the relic and his master. The thoughts of machines did not often translate cleanly for organics. Perhaps the priest was confused and interpreting the logical processing of the relic incorrectly. The twenty were made for the express reason of serving those aboard the Eden. They had been told as such from the moment of their forging and it had thus far proven true. There was no reason to believe the murmured prophecy of the elderly human before him.

Despite that, there was a degree of unease that wormed its way into his mind as he watched the priest grin in an almost understanding way. 

“You don’t need to. I have a feeling it will make more sense to you as you age.” A red glow entered the priest’s eyes. It was hardly present, but to Nineteen who possessed far superior vision than any unaugmented human, it was almost impossible to ignore.

“Come here and pass me that cloth if you would be so kind.” Then, just like that, the moment ended and the priest disconnected from the relic. His cables slipped back beneath his robes into whatever holster they originated from and he approached the only work table on the platform. Nineteen quickly reset his optics and filed away the data for later review. It wasn’t important right now. 

[one-flower-one-sword]

Hello! I’m new to your blog so it’s possible you may have shared similar thoughts. I recently finished the novel and just wanted to share some random thoughts. :-D Did you figure out Hua Cheng was Wu Ming before the novel revealed it? I was spoiled on this before reading and so saw the hints leading up to it. I don't know if I would have figured it out beforehand, but I just think it's interesting seeing some of the hints. One being when Hua Cheng and Xie Lian were running on the rooftops of the Heavenly Capital, trying to get to his guoshi. Xie Lian felt a sense of deja vu I think. And then Hua Cheng's reaction when Xie Lian made a joke about being stabbed and turned into mush. I just thought that was really good foreshadowing. _____

I’ve seen some of the jokes about Hua Cheng being a stalker and I have to say again just how not true that is and it’s not even something I want to joke about. Seeing how Jun Wu actually stalked him, tormented him and all the pain that caused Xie Lian. Hua Cheng never did, and would never do anything like that. This man has such a visceral reaction to any pain Xie Lian has that it would be, at this point, like going against his very nature to do so. He is so careful about not wanting to cause Xie Lian harm by his own actions ( and of course by others).

—--------------- I was reminded from a TGCF discussion thread how young Hua Cheng was during the time Xie Lian was the White Clothed Calamity. He was 16-17 or 17-18. After all the suffering he saw Xie Lian go through, of course he was ready to burn the world down for him. It’s completely understandable even if one doesn’t agree with it. And as soon as Xie Lian changed his mind, he put aside his own desire for revenge and helped Xie Lian stop it by sacrificing himself.

I once read a thread where a comment was made that Hua Cheng encouraged Xie Lian to commit genocide because he asked why wait 3 days to inflict the Human Face Disease and it bothered me because that just wasn’t the case. And I feel it kind of does a disserve to Hua Cheng - missing out on the fact he too had just witnessed his beloved stabbed to death. Ofc, he wanted revenge but he never let that desire override what Xie Lian ultimately wanted to do.

I remember a fanfic I read kind of addressed how back then Hua Cheng didn’t try to stop Xie Lian from doing something that would’ve hurt him mentally and emotionally. Hua Cheng said at present he would say something to Xie Lian if  something were to happen again. Although Hua Cheng didn’t deny he’d ultimately follow through if Xie Lian persisted, Xie LIan said he wouldn’t because he’d listen to Hua Cheng. I know it’s fanfic, but I thought that was the best way to surmise how things would play out because Hua Cheng at present wants Xie Lian to keep from being hurt in all ways, not just his body, but of course will ultimately follow whatever Xie Lian says.

I guess I just wanted to know, from your reading and thoughts on the characters, how do you think Hua Cheng would respond to Xie Lian if he was on the verge of doing something of that nature again? 

Sorry for the word vomit, happy to clarify anything that got too jumbled up! And if it's too much to answer, any thoughts you'd like to share about anything I mentioned is just fine. :) Thank you!

hi, thank you so much for your ask! I'm honestly still really humbled people want to know my tgcf opinions, I did not expect this much interest at all when I started posting.

I was also spoilered for Hua Cheng being Wu Ming, but yeah, the foreshadowing in this novel really is amazing! as with the Black Water arc, every time I reread the novel I spot another small bit of foreshadowing.

I also feel your frustration in regards to the "Hua Cheng is a stalker" thing, I'm continually baffled when it comes up in fandom - because like you said, it was Jun Wu who repeatedly displayed this kind of violating behavior towards Xie Lian, not Hua Cheng. I've mentioned it in previous meta posts, though I've not yet talked extensively about it. I have a longer post in the works though where I tackle several takes on hualian's relationship that seem popular in fandom yet I feel are directly contradicted by the text.

In regards to your last questions, I've also wondered about these kinds of what-ifs, though I think the point of this storyline was that Xie Lian ultimately did choose kindness and forgiveness, and also that he was only brought to this point after suffering through the trauma of incredibly brutal violation and torture and the loss of his parents through suicide. and in regards to Hua Cheng, like you said it needs to be kept in mind what witnessing Xie Lian be violated and tortured like this did to him as well. it's very obvious both from Hua Cheng's wrath against anyone and anything who causes Xie Lian pain - including Hua Cheng himself when he feels he's failed Xie Lian in some way - as well as his unflinching self-sacrifical protectiveness towards Xie Lian, how deeply he was traumatized by what he witnessed people do to Xie Lian. unfortunately i feel like the complexities of the whole situation often get flattened out or outright ignored in certain fandom circles in favor of takes like "and that's why hualian is a toxic relationship" and other such nonsense.

also like you said it's often a disservice to Hua Cheng in particular, who I've several times seen described as one-dimensional and "walking red flag of a person". honestly one of the reasons I've been focusing so much meta on him is because of how baffling and frankly annoying I find these kinds of takes.

I think I may have read that same fanfic btw! that conversation feels familiar :3 I don't remember all the details but it did make sense to me.

don't apologize for rambling btw, always feel free to send me your thoughts! I feel like this reply ended up also quite rambly, I hope my answers were at least somewhat satisfactory anyway. some of the things you touched upon I will definitely address with more detail in that longer post I mentioned on hualian's relationship that I've been working on.

[countessofwisdom]

I Don't Think It Could Ever Be You

TGCF (Heaven Official's Blessing) Spoilers

A post-Black Water Arc conversation. Angst. Little to no plot, just a scene. (WC: 852)

***

Shi Qingxuan never meets his eyes. "I just think... whatever affections I held for you all those centuries, it died that day."

His eyes narrow. "Your 'affections' then, must have been so fickle."

"Maybe it was," he replies too quickly, remiss of the knife he has grazed on someone's skin, "or maybe I just realized that day that I didn't know who these affections belonged to."

Shi Qingxuan has always treated the word love like a word meant to be given, or it is human nature to say 'I love you'. He gave it to his brother, his drinking buddies, to lost souls, and helpless devotees.

He also remembers giving them to a certain god.

"...maybe it's not fickle. Perhaps, I still hold these affections. Not towards you, but the man you pretended to be."

His fist clenches. "Ming Yi is long dead."

"But you revived him, didn't you? You took his name, his appearance, and you stepped on the heavenly capital wearing his shoes. The footprints you left were his," his words seeped with contained venom. Yet, a sliver shows crumbling composure—revealing a tiny child within that wailed and thrashed, begging for his brother back.

You took my name, my fate, and you might as well have ripped my limbs off my body. My fate is not yours, it is mine, he once yelled to a statue a million years ago.

An uncomfortable sense of dread creeps up and He Xuan does not know if it is a mutual feeling. Shi Qingxuan's eyes are devoid of the light it once had, unwilling to tell. Every word created invisible rifts and insurmountable walls between them.

Suddenly, he does not want to know, for something tells him that it is not.

"It was just a name," is the response he settles for.

It was just some clothes. It was just a face. It was just some mannerisms he borrowed.

But it has always been him.

Especially, when all Shi Qingxuan sees in him are truths he wishes he could turn a blind eye to.

Shi Qingxuan shakes his head. "It was Ming-xiong who I saw all these years, I just... I don't… even if I know it's you now, it doesn't erase his name from my memories. Even more, I can't replace his name with yours just like that. Especially…"

His throat yearns for the bitterness of wine whenever he thinks of him. He wants the dizziness and dopamine, if that is all the reprieve he is going to get. Ming-xiong could have been his drinking companion but he was dead, and He Xuan was a stranger who murdered the only person he could lean on.

No matter what, Ming Yi (the one he knew, at least) and He Xuan are oil and water. It tears him into a million pieces to see their silhouettes settle in on a single shadow. He wants to pretend that, somehow, all those years, his affections were received by a person he knew, and not the person he thought he knew.

Black Water then continues against his better mind, "Then if I had told you my real name that day we met, and If I told you who I really was, would it have been…" possible?

Could you have chosen me?

No, his mind quickly reprimands him. He would never choose you.

But at least, he hoped, that even if he didn't choose him in the end, Shi Qingxuan would have hesitated not choosing him for one second. For even a split second, he was his choice.

But the deafening silence that follows tells him a plethora of things he wishes he could cover his ears to.

It told him of Shi Qingxuan's hesitance; maybe he found his question ridiculous (it truly was), maybe he is already cursing him to death, plotting his vengeance. That would have been better. But gods, Shi Qingxuan chooses to bear the guilt of his brother's sin and he hates it.

The silence resettled him to the world they roamed. The rushing river holds memories of pasts that could not be reversed. The wind fluttering along with his hair ever so gently sends shivers down his spine. It reminds him of the reality he has to face.

Everything is real.

He really killed Shi Qingxuan's brother/The Water Tyrant and he does not regret it.

Or does he?

He does not, doesn't he? How could he regret it?

He is hurting. At the same time, he has never been so relieved, like a thousand voices inside his head finally went silent.

Fury drove him into doing what he did, fury sparked by the death of his family and his humanity that demanded justice, but he also did it to alleviate pain—to make living bearable. He thought the pain would dissipate as easily as taking a god's life.

…he doesn't know what's right or wrong anymore.

After what seemed like a million years, Shi Qingxuan speaks.

"He Xuan..."

This first time he says death's name.

"I'm sorry…"

And the last heartbreak he gives him.

"I don't think it could ever be you."

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.185 thoughts

[The New York Soup Stock Exchange]

(Contents: thematic analysis)

I've been thinking a lot about Tozuka's editor saying that Undead Unluck's slogan would be "let's enjoy life," and maybe it's a matter of translation, but to me, it seems like every word of that slogan has meaning

"Enjoy life" is easy enough to see the significance of, but I'm willing to bet most people who read that discount the "let's"

To me, though, that phrase isn't a command, it's an invitation: it's not telling you to go out and enjoy your life, it's asking you to enjoy life with others. We all should enjoy our lives, together, and this chapter illustrates that concept beautifully

In shonen battle manga, togetherness is most readily conveyed through standing united against a common enemy, but that's not really applicable to most people's lives. However, there is one way to show togetherness that I think pretty much anyone anywhere can relate to: sharing meals

Family gatherings, holiday parties, celebrating special occasions, or even smaller occasions like dates or regular lunch breaks, the number one way that people spend time together is just grabbing a bite to eat. Any given cooking manga, like Food Wars or Toriko, capitalize on this throughout their entire runs, but even manga without a focus on food like One Piece, Dr. Stone or even Cipher Academy often feature their cast savoring delicious food in each other's company

Undead Unluck is no stranger to this, like with the cherry blossom viewing as Spring died in the previous loop, but this is the first time that we've focused on the creation and consumption of a singular dish in this series. The cooking process is just as important as the dish itself, and while Enjin has experience, Fuuko has love: a group of friends who will face any challenge with her, and who she has a strong enough understanding of to be able to create something greater than the sum of its parts. In a way, that's what the Union is: a hotpot of disparate ingredients brought together and harmonizing to create something incredible

I've noted before that very few fights in Undead Unluck are one-on-one, but one-vs.-many is a pretty common setup: Union vs. Victor, AnFuu+RipLa vs. Autumn, and, most notably, AnFuu+ShenMui vs. Feng. Unlike Feng, Enjin definitely understands the concept of cooking/fighting with love, but just like Feng, Enjin operates alone, taking on every aspect of the cooking process by himself while Fuuko has split up the responsibilities based on everyone's strengths. This is exemplified best through his taste test, where the panel zooms out to show his single silhouette struggling to cool down his broth while Fuuko and friends continue cooking. The wide empty space and his one shadow vs. the Union's three felt so incredibly lonesome

I won't dig too deep into Enjin's mentality or reasoning just yet, as I'm sure the next chapter will give me more than enough to work with on that front, but it's plain to see that Enjin isn't just solitary, he's isolated. Just like Feng, just like Billy, just like Rip, just like Andy. Did he choose to be this way like the former three, or did he find himself here like Andy? Again, we'll find out next week, but I'm willing to bet it's a little bit of both - something happened that pushed him away from others, and he chose to continue on alone

I'm really liking this arc so far, but I think the clincher is going to have to be Enjin's backstory. I like his design and personality, but for him to solidify himself in my heart like everyone else has before him, his story needs to move me. With everything we've seen in these last two chapters, though, I have no doubt that Tozuka will do just that with ease

Until next week, let's enjoy life

[upontherisers]

ugh, friend, i’m so sorry you’re not feeling well (again) 💕💕i love hazel and jack a normal amount and if you’re in the mood i would love to hear about any thoughts for them you’ve got rolling around? canon, au, anything~ — @shoshiwrites

cc-ing @latibvles because she is my co-creator on this but there's an AU of an AU of sorts where dungeon master jack kidd has been running a dungeons and dragons home game at lake harding for a group of counselors every summer for the past few years and as it's now jack's last year, hazel wants to play for the first time

there's are too many people at the table already but jack cannot say no to her so he helps her build a character (a way of the open hand harengon monk named hoppy meadows) and she sits down for her first session having never played before, surrounded by nine level 10 players who've been doing this for awhile now and jack has given them his word that he will not slow things down so that hazel can catch up because they're in the middle of a huge arc in which the party seeks to avenge the death of apollonius julius (bubbles' pc and twin brother to apollonia, mahalia's pc)

but as soon as they start playing, it's obvious that he's going to take it easy on hazel and every npc has something flattering to say to hoppy and in combat, every enemy hits every other pc twice before hitting hoppy once. usually, this would have brady tossing around the word "favoritism" and bucky trying to blow up jack's carefully laid plans, but brady's seated next to willie this year and mahalia's across the table from bucky so they're both a bit distracted.

there are some sweet moments:

hoppy getting the killing blow on a dragon that was trying to destroy her warren

hazel's delight when she realizes the capital of the kingdom they're in is basically fantasy dublin (she studied abroad in ireland her junior year of college and she goes back every few years. it's her favorite place)

a young sailor fancying hoppy who doesn't make it out of a battle with guards once they get to port and hazel finally understands why people play dnd for years (they weren't supposed to be on the ship longer than a session but jack had them take the long way round because hazel liked the nautical-theme music he picked [he reaches around his dm screen and holds hazel's hand for the rest of the session because she's a bit sniffly])

cros' scruffy highlander dwarf scribe reads romantic poetry to hoppy and jack is NOT jealous but if ernest can't pass any of his checks for the next two hours, it’s in the dice

hazel is having the best time and no one has the heart to complain because it's jack's last summer and it's nice seeing him do something for himself for once (even if it's subconscious). he's using the story to tell her all the things he loves about her and show her all the little ways he loves her. the last session is a thing of legend

sick day q&a!!!

[jianghushenanigans]

A sequel to the ‘most annoying guy TM in the Jianghu’ and ‘most annoying guy TM in the cdrama capital’ poll because I was specifically asked to include Ming Tai and honestly he deserves it

Propaganda of a sort under cut - also feel free to provide your own

Ming Tai: as a teenager (early 20s? unclear: Hu Ge is blatantly in his mid 30s but we're ignoring this because he's a good actor) and a baby brother raised by significantly older siblings, Ming Tai is the spoiled brat. He's also very good at being a competent spy when he needs to be, but that doesn't make him less annoying when he wants to be, which is always

Shang Xirui: of all the characters on here he's the only one I actually personally cannot stand, but that's partly because he sings opera and I have discovered through watching Winter Begonia that I do not like opera of any kind. But also he's insufferable and needs to get a grip on reality. Some things are more important than the show! Like FOOD! And the WAR!

Zhao Yunlan: SUCKING TOO HARD ON YOUR LOLLIPOP OH LOVE'S GONNA GET YA DOWN. Guardian was the first CDrama I saw and I actually don't remember what he did but I do remember that he liked to cause problems

Wen Kexing: Winner of the 'most annoying guy in the jianghu' poll, I don't think I really need to write propaganda about him but like. Has he considered a method of flirting that does not consist of stalking a random homeless man?

Wei Wuxian: 2nd in the jianghu poll. Everyone knows why he's annoying, I won't go into this any more than to say in the Cloud Recesses arc he distinctly reminds me of one of the most annoying people I have ever met in real life

Lin Chen: 3rd in the jianghu poll and my personal Favourite Guy. To paraphrase @nemainofthewater: 'if he was in it for any longer I wouldn't be able to stand him, but he's only there for long enough that it's actually charming'. Enjoys the fact that he's smarter than (almost) everyone else and likes to be obnoxious about it

Mei Changsu: came joint 1st in the 'most annoying guy in the cdrama capital' poll. Professional party ruiner, but he does try to only enjoy it when his political enemies are suffering. Gets to tag team with Lin Chen bc I don’t want them to split votes and also because between them they manage to annoy literally every character in the whole show

Fan Xian: joint 1st in the capital poll AND 4th in the jianghu poll because he is annoying all the time and everywhere. As a transmigrator he is (unfortunately) aware that he is the main character, causes problems on purpose

Zhao Yujin: 3rd the capital poll. I won't lie that this surprised me because I have seen one gifset total for this show on tumblr (the one that persuaded us to watch), but I guess for those who have seen it it is a legal requirement to vote for him because of literally everything he does ever. In his defence he fell in a pond as a child and then his overbearing mother babied him. That being said, he is an adult now

Huang Yaoshi: included because of @tavina-writes's extensive propaganda in the jianghu poll: my favourite part of it was "the OG torture flute soloist; his flute solo canonically sounds like sex, x-rated porn sounds"

Wu Xin: I missed him off the original jianghu poll, and also the whole point of the polls is for me to try and get people to watch my shows so there’s more fic and I’m not just here crying on my own. An overpowered gremlin boy. 'Would you like to get kidnapped?' 'no??' 'ok that's cool I'm kidnapping you anyway!'

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 45 – The Gods Are Bastards Volume One by D. D. Webb

This was the first web fiction I’ve properly archive binged in a long while. I’d quite forgotten the experience of having however many hundred thousand words just waiting to consume your every waking hour for a weekend and change. So thanks to tumblr peer pressure for getting me to finally give this a try, I suppose.

So, this is a web serial set in a world that very much feels like a D&D setting a couple generations after it broke out of medieval stasis – there’s dragons and demigods and thousand year old retired elven adventurers who are all laws unto themselves, and then there’s also a continent spanning hegemonic empire that’s invented magical railways and telegraphs and industrial revolutions. The story specifically follows the freshman class of the Unseen University, a remote institution run by one of the two or three most powerful (former) adventurers alive, educating and connecting the future global elite. The freshman class – including a demigod, the only two paladins in the world, an amnesiac archdemon, and a pirate crown princess – are the protagonists for the better part of the story, bonding and going to classes and sent on absurd field expeditions and generally becoming an incredibly high-powered adventuring party. Each book also has one or two subplots following characters only very tenuously connected to them out in the wider world, more often than not centred around wither Bishop Darling of the Universal Church (former high priest of the god of thieves) or Principia Locke, conwoman and second most annoying elf alive. I will put my cards on the table now and say these plots are what makes the thing worth reading.

The students are – okay, they start off just, bad, but they do improve over the course of the first few books in terms of how grating they are to read (Book 1 is very heavy on the college soap opera). But they do all have the fundamental issue that, where the other plots largely feel like people embedded in a world with agenda to pursue and complex circumstances to navigate, they all feel like high fantasy superheroes being led along a breadcrumb trail in a world devoid of real threats or meaningful ties outside the university and the occasional specific patron. Or put another way, it is not at all subtle that they are the Protagonists or Reality, which instantly makes me dislike them and want them to fail. But going by what makes popular web fiction I’m fairly sure that instinct is mostly just a me thing.

Special shoutout to Tris, the crusading paladin of the group. As of book one she’s a repressed sheltered army brat who has a whole list of species and religions she thinks should be killed on sight and several historical genocides she wholeheartedly endorses. She has a real arc over the volume, but a big part of it is less challenging the fundamental logic of that than just slowly removing lines from her kill on sight list (but nowhere near all of them). I am not entirely sure how self-aware the book is about this.

The remainder of the book, and by far the better part, is mostly dedicated to sideplots centring Bishop Darling’s byzantine intrigues within the universal church, the politics of the empire’s capital city, and his high forays into high risk tutoring and foster-parenting, and Principia Locke, thieves guild resident underachiever, town ne’erdowell and second most obnoxious elf alive. These two characters are objectively the best, and also they’re allowed to be at genuine risk and thrown into tasks where fucking up is a real possibility and the ultimate resolution is very unclear. The best plot of the entire volume is easily Darling and 3 other bishops being deputized as a black ops force by the (arch)pope and sent to illegally poke around a small town, and they’re all the most insufferable people you’ve ever met stuck sharing an airbnb.

The story plays a lot with western tropes and aesthetics transposed onto he magitech high fantasy setting – the ‘Golden Sea’ is an infinite, impossible to navigate expanse in the centre of the continent, home to nomadic plains elf bands and centaur herds, and the imperial frontier has now pushed right up to its edge, full of things like saloons and sheriffs and marshals and magical trains and gun wand-fights and ten gallon hates. This is very fun, but the moving of the reference period from vaguely medieval Europe to the late 19th century USA makes things certain subtext that’s already unfortunate in standard fantasy downright painful – centaurs, clearly and obviously playing the role the savage indian raiders in some mid-century western, are portrayed as a universally evil culture whose main salient trait is that they will literally rape any prisoners to death, and are stated to have been righteous and heroically ethnically cleansed everywhere but this barbaric frontier. It’s, uh, not great.

Now, I came to this serial as someone who has wasted untold days and hours becoming immersed in D&D, like, Lore, which meant that I was incredibly well prepared because there are so many D&D easter eggs in this I think it might technically be a fanwork like Order of the Stick or something. There’s a Drizzt joke that made me audible groan, and more broadly the entire setting is just very incredibly clearly “D&D 3.5 campaign setting plus 50 years and an industrial revolution’. “Adventurers” were a coherent social class, ‘dungeons’ are a thing, there are profoundly uncomfortable attitudes towards ‘monstrous’ races that live in them, the whole shebang. I mostly found this charming, but it’s a thin line, and I can very easily imagine it being utterly insufferable.

Anyway, this is theoretically a complete volume, but it’s also books one-four of, like, seventeen. In the grand tradition of web serials everywhere, it’s three times longer than it really needs to be, and absolutely littered with plot seeds and foreshadowing which might either pay off in five hundred thousand words or never be mentioned again. I’m honestly not particularly sure how well the volume holds up as a coherent work, separate from everything that comes after – Principia got a complete and well done character arc, but that’s about the only part of it I’d say really works here.

As the first fifth or so of a longer work it did get me to keep going onto book five with barely a breath in between though, so on balance I’d say it works.

[bumblekastclips]

KYLE CROUSE: Got a question from E-200 Paragon. "Regarding Shadow's out-of-character behavior during the Metal Virus arc of IDW, with the idea being that you intentionally did this yourself and pinned the blame on Sega's mandates when people called you out over it: Are there still mandates for Sonic the Hedgehog, like the ones made after the Archie Incident, and if yes, what are some that you can publicly disclose?" What- what 'Archie Incident' are we...? I'm like, 'what Archie incident?' It's even capitalized like it's a- like it's a thing? [stutters] Is this like the Slap?

IAN FLYNN: I just wanna know if you have a permit to carry a question that loaded. KYLE: [laughing] I mean... should we start digging now? IAN: [giggles] Uh, as we've said before on the show, the mandates have always been because they are the licensing directives. Every company out there has guidelines on how their licensed products are to be used. And that- those guidelines can shift over time, and they can be implemented by- in different ways, depending on whoever's head of the department. So yes, there are quote-unquote "mandates," because that's how businesses work. Do we have like, a laminated sheet of the Ten Commandments? "Thou shalt not have Sonic shed a tear"? No, but there are guidelines that Sega provides with their individual feedback per project. KYLE: And also, they look at the projects before they are published, and, uh... provide feedback and also say, "nope, you can't do that," or "how about you do this instead," or "here's an idea, do that." Y'know? This is a collaborative process. It doesn't just, like... Sega commands you to do things and you just do them, this is a thing. It's a thing, Ian! It's a thing! It's a creative thing! So... yeah.

----- TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: Please remember that nothing that is said on BumbleKast is canon! It's just some guys and their opinions occasionally spitballing ideas. If you don't like an answer, you don't have to take it as Word of God or anything like that. It's all just for fun! ----- This question was requested by @nintendoni-art! Do you want a specific question transcribed and posted? Send the question, the episode date, and time stamp to my ask box! Or if you just want questions about a certain character, send me their name and I will see what I can do!

[lakesbian]

do u keep an habit of saving quotes from worm? Would love to see your favorite quotes/exerpts from Alec or Brian, maybe even blake... U still reading pact right?

the only quotes from worm i actively save are a small collection of worm out of context moments i thought were funny, which i will ideally expand upon reread. but off the top of my head my favorite alec excerpt is:

“[Taylor]’s a lot like me,” Parian said.  “She wants to protect people.  She’s willing to make sacrifices for the people she cares about.” “I’ve discussed that with her,” Grue said. “Terribly unhealthy,” Regent commented.  “Worse than smoking, even.”

my favorite brian moment is simply this one:

“You said they’re weaker, huh?  So it’s true.  I didn’t want to use my power to verify… but the rumor mill is right?  Alexandria bit it?“ “Yes.  I-” I stopped. “You?  You did it?”  Tattletale asked.  “Guys-” Her voice faded as she turned away from the phone. “Don’t tell them,” I said, once I realized what she was saying. It was too late.  I could hear jeers and whooping from Regent and Imp in the background.  I couldn’t make out everything Grue was saying, but I caught something along the lines of ‘Jesus H. Fucking Christ.‘

there are a lot of fantastic brian moments i could have picked, many thematically relevant or deeply compelling and tragic, but nothing ever tops how fucking funny it is that wildbow had him drop a full italicized Jesus H. Fucking Christ with the Fucking capitalized. this quote should be on his fucking wiki page. brian laborn has suffered more than jesus. something about that one line indicating that he's the only person there stopping to stare off into space and experience a brief moment of sheer existential anguish over the nigh-tragicomic absurdity of their lives just gets me every fucking time. just the mental image of him standing there looking viscerally haunted while aisha and alec enter Party Mode is fucking sending me. i do not have adequate words for what a perfect punchline this is to the entire arc. worm is quite literally a comedy to me

no quote for blake yet as i am only on the first interlude but my favorite Blake Moment is him yelling every swear word alphabetically while stitching up his hand and shaking like a small wet dog. yes, i am still reading pact. you guys are so worried about pact it's so funny. i walk into the pact building and everyone stands in front of the door like You're still reading right. Like you like it here right. You don't want to leave right.

[swampstew]

200 follower event ~ The ninja way

Thank you so much for the follows, it means so much to me that y'all like my silly stories. I'll keep special events to every 500 mark moving forward and hope to continue making content that we all enjoy♥ Check out my updated pinned post for a sneak peek of future content you can expect to see from me!

Word Count: 1.9K - contains Wano Arc spoilers! CW: 18+ only, Spicy, Eustass Kid X AFAB Reader, consent very much implied, vaginal penetration, voyeurism, sexy games, some BDSM, chasing games, masturbation. m!n0rs DNI you will be blocked

Captain Kid was sulking in a bar in the capital city of Wano. The festival going on should have improved his mood but he was mad as hell. He took down an emperor and a literal clown took his rightful place as a new emperor. And the World Government named a literal child as a new emperor too. Why the fuck was the universe so against him???

He knocked back the sake, he wanted to get raging drunk and then slink home to the ship. He was so bummed he made Killer leave, not wanting to be a damper on his friend’s night for his role in the battle. Kid also regretted the decision. He was wallowing in self pity and leaning gravely into despair, Killer would be easing his frayed nerves and hyping him up. He held up his empty glass to the bartender, he needed to get much drunker.

A group of patrons at a nearby table erupted in cheers, toasting their glasses together before knocking them back. Kid squinted in their direction, trying to focus through the buzz. He recognized those people, from where…oh yeah. They were ninja and they had been in the fight on Onigashima along the samurai, minks and pirates. Hmm, he wondered if that one kunoichi was among the group.

The one ninja sitting with their back to him got up and made their way to the bathroom – it was the kunoichi! She had caught Kid’s eye when he had put the final blow into Big Mom. As he was laying down on the floor battered to shit with Law, samurai and ninjas had stepped up and defended them and their crews.

She had been the first one to jump in the line of fire for them. Or rather, she and her clones. Scared the shit out of him at first when they popped up out of nowhere; he thought he was dead for sure when they reached him to check on him. Seeing that he was just out of breath and needed a moment to recuperate, she gave him a knowing nod before doing a cool backflip and jumping into battle, clones in tow.

Kid drank his sake as he commiserated in the memories; shaken out of his thoughts when he saw her come back to her table. She was pretty hot, in battle and out. She had long Y/H/C that she tied back into a sleek ponytail. Not a bad body either, eying her from head to toe. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to even bother pursuing, he was in that bad of a rut. Her table was getting progressively louder the more they drank, and it made him feel worse.

“I heard that the pirate who took out Kaido started the festival by shooting fireworks from his shoulders! What a wild guy!”

Kid snorted, the only thing Luffy threw was his damn beer, spilling it on Kid who got literally wrapped up in the rubber bastard’s limbs as he tried to cut him down. Stupid fool thought they were buddies? Fuck that noise! Kid noped the fuck outta there.

“Let’s head over there and buy them drinks to say our thanks!” another ninja cried, the others agreeing quickly as they threw money down on the table, rising to leave. All but her.

She had a buttery voice that made Kid’s ears perk. “You’re not going to start with the Pirate Captain who is already here?”

“YOU MEAN LUFFY-SAN?”

“LAW-SAN?!!”

“Kid-san over at the bar.”

Kid nearly choked on his drink, he thought he had been unobserved the whole time.

“Uhhh dunno Y/N, he doesn’t look too approachable.”

“Tsk too scared? And you call yourselves ninja.”

“Why don’t you thank him?”

“I already did.”

Confused, Kid stops his eavesdropping as the bartender placed an unopened bottle of liquor and folded note next to his glass. “From the woman at the other end,” she pointed.

Looking across the bar, Kid saw the same kunoichi leaning against the bar table, smiling at him and then with a cross of her hands in front of her – she was gone in a poof. Now VERY confused, Kid swiveled his head back at the group and saw that they were already leaving the bar. The Y/N was the last out the door and she turned back, meeting his eyes. She gave him a nod and walked out, hands tugging the pockets of her leather jacket down.

Kid looked at the bottle, it was an expensive brand and that made him crack a smirk. Opening the note, he read her curved handwriting: thank you for your help liberating my country. On the back there was a sketch of the festival route with little arrow markers. With a shrug, Kid chugged the sake in his glass and left the bar with his gifted bottle, intent on finding the ninjas.

He was quick to catch up to them, easy to spot the taller ninja of the group against the crowd, Kid followed a few meters behind them. Y/N suddenly broke off from the group without a word to her squadron, making a sharp left turn down a less crowded street. Looking back at the note, Kid quickly realized she was going down the route she had drawn.

Smirking, he dashed down the same corridor, doing his utmost best to keep quiet as he followed the sole ninja. She was fast, he lost sight of her almost immediately but he had the map so he made do. After he made the last turn, he realized that there were a few small houses down the street from the port. Looking left to right, he tried to deduce where the kunoichi could have gone.

It took Kid several houses before he finally peered into a window and found her. She was laying in bed with her pants down and her top pushed up, exposed, and playing with herself. Well now, he could do with a free show, might even cure him of all his woes.

He glanced around the street; he was mostly hidden from view and that was good enough for him. He unzipped his pants and whipped his cock out, slowly jerking himself to the sexy kunoichi.

“Finally found me huh?” she panted out loud.

Kid froze, shit he hadn’t meant to get caught so quickly.

“It’s ok, I don’t mind,” she husked, sitting up to discard of her pants entirely. She looked to him through the partially open window. “Bra on or off?”

“Off,” he coughed into his elbow. “Erm…thanks for the booze.”

“Heh least I could do,” she dropped the last of her clothes and laid back in the bed. “You gonna watch from outside or do you want to sit inside?”

Kid sat in the fabric armchair, drinking his bottle and stroking his cock, watching the kunoichi – Y/N now that they were on a first name basis – rub fast circles on her clit. She moaned and rolled her hips as she changed her pace.

“Play with yer tits more,” he crowed.

Y/N cupped her breast, squeezing her flesh and pulling her nipple. Tweaking it while she tweaked her nub, making sharp inhalations.

“Verrry nice,” he purred, increasing his pace and grip on his throbbing cock. “Y’know, this is hot ‘n all but I prefer being deep inside.”

“Oh you want penetration?” she giggled, plunging a finger deep in her core. “Sure if you can find the real me.”

Kid’s shaved eyebrows rose into his goggles. “The real you?”

Y/N pulled her fingers out of her pussy and sucked them clean. With a cross of her hands, she once again disappeared. Kid shot up from his seat, was he being pranked??? The sound of more poofing echoed in the room and suddenly there were five more clones of Y/N in a skimpy dress, beckoning him.

“If you can find me, you can stick it in me.”

Kid cocked a leer, sure he liked games, especially when he gets to be the hunter.

“When I find you, I’m gonna pin you down and take you the way I want.”

The clones pranced around the room, calling out at him to distract him, luring him to false promises. Kid pounced on the first one, throwing her to the bed and pinning her. Pressing his cock against her warm stomach, he husked into her ear.

“Gotcha.”

He spread her legs and positioned himself over her, pushing her dress up and brushing against her naked center. She was wet, Kid began to push in, feeling her heat pulse around the edge of his tip. She crossed her hands and she was gone – Kid dipped into the bed, shocked, and now annoyed. Ok, time to dial it up a notch.

Kid hoisted another clone over his hips and slammed her into the wall, kissing her harshly and rushing his hand to her pussy. He got the first digit of his middle finger inside her before she also disappeared. He threw the third clone face down on the carpet and ripped her dress off, spanking her ass and watching her cheeks jiggle. He spread her thighs and watched her silk spill from her core in a thick line – he caught it in his hand and lubed his cock, aching to bury himself in her. Before he could get an inch and a half of his cock in her, she disappeared.

Now his cock was hurting. The fourth one tripped and fell on her back, and when he landed on top of her, hands kneading her tits and cock rubbing between her folds, he managed to get three inches deep in her before she also disappeared. There was only one left – Kid was fucking determined and ready to ruin her. She leapt on furniture and dashed around him, running through the house to evade him, teasing him with flashes of her body or blowing kisses every time he just missed her. Watching her lithe body twist and turn, he quickly learned how to predict her next move and as she leapt into the air, Kid dove to her intended spot and caught her.

He dropped her on the bed and held her by her hair, positioning her in front of his cock.

“I hope you’re fucking ready for me,” he growled, pinching her chin to open her mouth and stuffing his cock in her face. Her wet muscle squirmed over his heavy cock as he thrusted himself up to the hilt. He grunted out, “fuck this sure feels real,” sighing. “Too bad it’s not, you tease.”

The clone disappeared and he hung his head. Pacing around the room, “y’know I was totally willing to be a generous lover tonight but after this stunt, the first four orgasms are going to be my own.”

His ears picked up something in the corner behind a paper divider he had overlooked. He reached with his haki, so she was there the whole time but she managed to disperse her energy signature amongst each clone to fool him into thinking she was out there.

Using his dagger, he ripped the divider to ribbons and pushed through. Y/N was laid up on a purple chaise lounge, lace bra and panties shoved aside as she pleasured herself.

“Took you long enough,” she gasped.

Kid towered over her, cock bobbing angrily while he pinned her down by the shoulders. “That was pretty cute. I hope it was worth it because I am going to leave here having filled every one of your holes, twice,” he growled.

“I’m ok with being a sacrifice after what you did,” she squeaked.

“Don’t break on me,” he husked, angling his hips and burying his bursting cock deep into her warm and wet pussy, Y/N crying out from the way it split her open.

“Ah shit, you’re nice and tight. This is gonna be a good night after all.”

[starlit-hopes-and-dreams]

Chapter 14 ~ Everything is fine... Just fine

Hidden Depths

Masterlist ~ Next

Also on ao3

Genre: Fantasy whump

CW: Some internalized ableist thoughts and anger over a new disability (unable to speak), ableist language from some drunk dude, physical violence, and a chapter saturated in angst :)

WC: 2295

Tagging my HD crew: @kixngiggles, @dont-touch-my-soup (if you want to be added or removed, let me know!)

In which all is not as peachy keen as it seemed at the end of Arc 1, but everyone expected that, right? Right. 😅

AN: This is part of a series. You can find the first chapter of Arc 1 here, or you can just jump right on in to the recovery arc and catch up along the way :D

So uh, its been... a hot minute since I finished the first arc. Took me a bit longer to start this one than expected, but here we gooooo! Wish me luck as I journey into this unknown territory called fluff, which should hopefully make more than a brief appearance by the time I wrap this story up 😂

But before the fluff, we get the angst of recovering from trauma *rubs hands together*

Current plan is to do a chapter a week, on Fridays at 2 pm EST, and hopefully by the time we get to the 6th bitch-ass chapter, I'll have figured that shit out so I can continue with the weekly schedule 😂😅

If not... you'll get what you get when you get it <3

Resh

Resh still felt dazed, even miles out from the capital.

Carr… she had come. To say goodbye, he'd thought. He'd been so relieved to see her, and at the same time, seeing her had felt like having his heart ripped out of his chest. The pain had taken his breath away, and he'd just stood there, unable to move.

But she'd been planning to come the entire time. Resh blinked back the tears that rose every time he thought about it. His hand went to his throat, but he encountered the light silken fabric of his scarf, so he pretended to adjust it.

He also pretended not to see the knowing glance Carr shot him from the corner of her eye, electing to look out the carriage's window instead. There wasn't much to see, unfortunately. They were between towns or villages, so the view was mostly an unbroken, rolling landscape of tall grass waving in the breeze. A hot, mid-summer breeze. Sweat prickled his skin even under the light material of his shirt, and burned unpleasantly on his forehead.

But his discomfort faded to the background when he remembered the feel of Carr's arms wrapping around his waist. The steady rhythm of her breathing while her head rested on his chest. He gave up looking out the window in favor of looking at her, sitting on the bench opposite him and Orla.

The red tones in Carr's blond hair were more noticeable in the sunlight. Resh traced the fall of the short waves across her cheek while she stared out the window. At some point, she'd pulled her bare feet up on the bench and wrapped her arms around her knees. He cocked his head; the position, the set of her shoulders—she looked tense. Resh wasn't sure why. She had the whole cushioned bench to herself and two windows to choose from, one on each side of the carriage.

The sense that something was off dampened his mood. Resh glanced at Orla, who was curled up in the corner, her small features relaxed in sleep. Then, he waved his hand to get Carr's attention.

She snapped her head around so fast Resh winced. "You okay? Do you need t' stop?" 

Since Resh couldn't fucking speak, Carr had taken over communicating with the carriage driver. Not that he was bitter about that or anything. Out of habit, he reached for his notebook, but Carr tapped her lips, reminding him she could read them. Gods, he still couldn't believe she'd practiced lip reading for him.

I'm fine, Resh said, shaping the words carefully, then motioned to her. You? Are you okay?

"I'm fine," Carr said, turning to look out the window again.

She'd said that awfully fast. And he wasn't sure how it was possible, but she'd somehow made herself even smaller. Sighing, he waved his hand again. Carr slowly looked back over at him, her eyes wary. Resh didn't like that look.

Do you want to take a break? he asked.

Of course, she shook her head. The tender skin on Resh's forehead pulled when he crinkled his brow, trying to figure out what was bothering her. He ruffled his hair, using the motion to ensure his bangs still covered the brand. He knew his other scars were still hidden; he was sweltering despite the expensive shit the fabric of his clothes was fashioned from.

He tugged on his sleeves anyway, making sure they fell over the cuff of his gloves. Maybe they had pulled up or something.

"Resh," Carr said hesitantly, and he looked at her, his fingers rising to his throat. "You know you don't have t' wear all that, right? You must be hot."

I'm fine, he said, forcing his hand back down. Damnit, he'd said that already. Why was this so awkward? To the pits with it. Something is wrong, I can tell. Orla is asleep. Talk to me? Please?

They looked over at Orla, checking to make sure what he'd said was still true. When Resh turned his head, Carr's expression was pinched. She wasn't really looking at him, so he let her be. She would speak if she wanted to.

Turned out she didn't want to.

Something tightened in his chest as the silence stretched on and on. A few times, he thought she would speak, but then nothing.

He couldn't stop the doubts from forming in his head. Had she changed her mind? They barely knew each other outside their shared imprisonment and all the traumatic experiences that had come with it. He may feel like he'd known her forever, but that didn't mean she felt the same. Maybe Orla had talked her into this, and now she regretted her choice.

Maybe… Resh rechecked his clothes. Maybe there was something about him that was uncomfortable? But she'd let him hug her. It didn't take a genius to figure out Carr didn't like to be touched, and she'd let him hug her. Maybe she'd felt the uneven patches of skin under the thin fabric of his shirt, and now she was unsettled? Resh tugged on his sleeves again.

When Orla finally woke, she filled the carriage with bright, excited chatter. Resh watched Carr relax a little as she talked with his sister.

He was happy Carr and Orla got along. He was.

It must be him that was the problem, then.

After a few stilted interactions, Resh accepted he was too preoccupied to be good company. He rested his head on the back of the seat, closing his eyes as if he were going to nap. He wasn't, of course–no way would he risk one of his nightmares inside this carriage. But he patterned his breathing and listened to the girls' conversation.

It was a long carriage ride.

~~~

Resh neither knew nor cared what the name of the town they stopped for the night in was. Well, it wasn't night yet, more like early evening, but they wouldn't be able to reach another town today, and he'd wanted to stay in an inn each night. His sister deserved a bed, and the queen was essentially paying for all this, so why not?

He was stiff and exhausted when he exited the carriage, but Resh pushed through and led the way into the inn. The building was simply appointed, with worn wooden floors and white plaster walls. Decorations befitting a farming community adorned the walls; a spray of dried flowers here, a painting of the people at harvest, there. A long table with bench seats was positioned at the back, in front of an unlit fireplace. Resh was relieved to see there weren't too many people sitting at the table; it meant the inn might be able to give them all separate rooms. Several windows had shutters thrown open to admit the slightly cooler evening air and the reddish-orange light of the setting sun.

After pausing for a moment to take it all in, he headed for the bar on the left. A few men were sitting at the counter, and one looked pretty drunk already, so Resh gave him a wide berth. He nodded at the innkeeper, who was wiping the counter with a wet rag, and leaned against the counter to wait for the man. Orla climbed up on a stool beside Resh, and Carr moved to stand on his right side.

"How many rooms you want?" Carr asked, turning away from the other men, who suddenly looked a little cowed. Her fingers tapped her thigh, and Resh wondered what she'd done.

He just shook his head and pulled out his notebook. I got this.

She opened her mouth but closed it again without speaking when the innkeeper walked up.

The innkeeper was a portly, middle-aged man with butter-yellow hair and bright blue eyes. Laugh lines appeared when he smiled at them, dropping his wet rag on the counter. It made a small splat, and Orla giggled.

"Name's Innes," the innkeeper said, smiling at Orla then looking at Resh. "You kids passing through or looking to stay for a while?"

Resh pointed to his throat, at which the innkeeper raised an eyebrow, then extended the notebook. He'd written out several different requests in anticipation of this journey.

Innes took a moment to read the page Resh had flipped to. "Three rooms for the one night? You sure?"

Resh nodded.

"Alright," Innes said. "I've got three. Supper is stew and bread tonight. If you leave afore breakfast, there'll be something left out to take with you. It'll be one silver each."

Carr stopped staring at the drunk man long enough to snap her head around at that. Resh didn't blame her; it was an outrageous price. This innkeep clearly thought they were spoiled rich kids from the city. Well, Resh and Orla certainly looked it anyway, dressed in the fancy clothes they had from the palace. Carr's clothing was simpler—tight black pants paired with a dark blue tunic and soft, well-worn boots.

Resh held up his hand when Carr scowled at the man. Last thing he needed was her calling him some ridiculous, obscene name and pissing him off. She turned the scowl on him instead.

Grabbing his notebook, he scribbled "six coppers" and flashed it at the innkeeper. Innes grinned, and they started haggling back and forth, finally agreeing on one silver for the lot of them. Resh shook the innkeeper's hand, pleased to feel the rush of a deal gone well, and flipped the man his coin.

"Go 'head and take a seat. I'll have some food brought out," Innes said.

Orla skipped ahead, Carr following after. Resh trailed behind, trying to think of a good way to ask Carr if she really wanted to be here or if his sister had just put her up to this. He completely forgot about the other men at the bar.

They hadn't forgotten him.

The hand that wrapped around Resh's bicep startled him badly, and he dropped his notebook. The leather cover made a loud thwack as it hit the floor.

"Whatsa matter with ya, kid?" the drunk man slurred. "Can' talk, wearing fuckin strange ass clothes like that in summer… don' want freaks like you in our town, ya hear?"

The other men at the bar didn't look up, but Resh heard them grunt their approval. He pulled on his arm, but the drunk fuck was surprisingly strong.

Let go, Resh tried to say, forgetting nothing would come out.

The man laughed as he stood, getting right up in Resh's face. His breath was awful, and Resh started to push him off when the man's eyes caught his attention.

Dark green.

Like Marcus' eyes.

A frisson of fear skittered down Resh's spine, and he froze, unable to look away. The drunk shoved him back against the bar. He gasped when the edge of the counter dug into his back, and his heart rate kicked up.

"Oh," the man chortled. "You can hear the air escape, anyhow."

One moment the man was there, his laughter sending putrid waves of alcohol and rotten breath into Resh's face, the next moment, he was gone. Released from those eyes, Resh blinked, his skin flushing hot with anger, then growing clammy as shame took its place.

Carr sat on top of the drunk man, who stared at her with wide, unblinking eyes as drool trickled down his cheek. The other men were conspicuously silent, not even daring to look Resh's way anymore. When the rush of blood pounding in his ears died down, Resh caught the end of what Carr was saying and finally understood why the drunk looked so fucking terrified.

"… take the fuckin hint? Your brain been sittin in the brine of this nasty piss you been drinkin too long, huh. Wise up and get the fuck outta here before I decide t’ use your guts as a noose. Yeah?" Carr's voice was pitched low, and Resh was sure it didn't carry, just as he was sure no one could see the dagger she held to the man's throat.

Resh gripped the counter's edge and took a deep breath, trying to settle whatever that man had shaken loose inside him.

"Y-yesh…yes," the drunk stammered, sniffling. The scuffle of boots against the floorboards receded as the man unsteadily rose and ran out.

Unable to look up, Resh kept his eyes on the floor. Useless. Worse than useless. How was he supposed to keep anyone safe if he couldn't even handle a fucking drunk? Brown boots entered his line of sight, followed by his notebook. His fingers cramped when he released the counter to take it back.

"You wanna take the meal in our rooms?" Carr asked softly.

Resh nodded. He forced his head up but found he couldn't meet Carr's eyes. Instead, he searched for Orla over her shoulder. She stood by the trestle table, biting her lip and looking worried.

It's okay, he said. It was something he'd said to his sister often enough that she should be able to catch the meaning.

"Why don't you take Orla to one of the rooms, and I'll come find you in a minute," Carr said before she stalked off, presumably to find the kitchen.

He managed to dredge up the strength to pretend in front of his sister. The rooms were big enough for a bed that would barely fit two people and a rickety-looking table and chair. Resh left his sister in her room, telling her he wanted to wash up. 

It hadn’t been a lie, but once in his room, he couldn’t summon the energy. Instead, he sat on the edge of his bed and stared blankly at the wall, struggling to keep the memories and the feelings they contained at bay.

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