#in fact ive read those two chapters multiple times from start to finish that i also somewhat know what happens to the other scenes

[aria0fgold]

I'm such a Normal Cain fan. I'm sooo Normal that I'm watching ms1.5 Chapter 17 again while being giddy and giggling at the thought of the events on Chapter 18. I swear I'm Normal and not talking about Chapter 17 being the start where KizuOwen let Cerberus loose on Cain and I'm Definitely not giddy while thinking about Cain being at death's door in Chapter 18! I'm Normal! <- Lying Liar Who Lies.

[soconfusedwithmylife]

i love subnautica but dude is it buggy as shit lmao although! its one of its charms since its funky most of the time ESPECIALLY when its not happening to you. like i had a peeper stuck in the corner of my lifepod just rotating?? and it would close its eyes when i would come close or a shine light on it and open them back up when i go away or close the light. or like when a poor spadefish or boneshark gets yeeted across the ocean for no reason. is it funny to look back on a warper coming out of the sea to you like some fucked up little mermaid or a chelicerate busting through a ventgarden to attack you? sure. but is it fucked up in the moment? NO. the latter happened to my sister while i was there to emotionally support her on her way to get alan's whateverthefucks lmao. she loves and prefers below zero majorly over the og mostly because it was the first one she played and she grew attached to it over the beta,, she hates where they ended up with the finished product. i played like half an hour of it in the beta decided it wasnt for me. i get SUPER jealous of the seamonkeys and the mineral detector tho. ayoooo rip to you consolers but im different B) pc is superior in the way it literally lets you fuck around with however you want and you bet i Will Play God whenever applicable! what else do you play? also now that we are talking about games i have to tell you. i love you and and your writing. but the feelings ive felt when i read you put him in plat............. my boy should have been at least diamond from the start im still in tears from that chapter i still havent recovered to this day how could you do my boy like this. how could you doubt his epic gamer skills and gaming time management issues like this. please explain yourself before my entire life falls apart at your feet. also me, an adc main, reading "accidentally kill the large-"

my boy was holding it in by shEEr power of love. especially after they nerfed the fuck out of adc to the point mfs will be rolling up the lane with double ap or a fucking yasuo. why is there always a fucking yasuo on enemy bot lane. and why do they all share the same zombie braincell. yone did not die for this bullshit. and to answer your question it depends on where im sending the question from lol. like on mobile there is like a 300? i think? character limit while on mobile and something similar on pc if i go to your blog site and choose ask from your theme. but here is the thing. if i go to your blog from tumblr/user instead of user.tumblr, then click ask, it literally gives me the same box as if im making a post. so no text limit whatsoever and i can freely send pics and stuff, pretty neat B)

nah i think at the end of the day doing whatever makes you the most comfortable and happy regarding the uploads is the most important! i just liked having multiple days of something nice to me ya know? not necessarily the fact that it was split. and i love them both!! the reason i call it texas touya fic is because one, when i started reading tomura was still more like on the sidelines and it kinda stuck two, it rolls of the tongue easier than texas tomura i guess? but i love them both T-T both as texans and in general! oh and dont worry ill probably bore you till you tell me to go away or something and and and! have a nice day!

I almost wish my game was as buggy as yours sounds. It sounds hilarious and game enriching. Mine doesn't like to glitch up but that probably because I played on PS4 and 5. Right after original launch of plain Subnautica, I got to the lava castle but the containment area wouldn't load so I had to start a new save. Hours down the drain.

^legit me after going through the entirety of the game again. Reapers, warpers, ghosts, and sea dragons biting chunks out of my ass all over again. But it was soooooo fun. It's one of my fave games.

OMG the backseat support gamer!!! I had one of those too for my second play through of oh Subnautica! Good on you to emotionally and psychologically hype your sister for the spookiness. I really liked below zero the first time I played it since I was just super hyped to have more Subnautica period but playing them again, you can definitely feel a substantial difference in atmosphere and replayability. Below zero just felt cramped and not as scary while Subnautica was open to terror from any direction. I totally understand your first experience being your favorite though. Whoa! You played it in the beta??? That's awesome! I'm but a lowly console peasant (until I get my PC fixed 😈) so I had to wait for console release.

OMFG DUDE. I was literally going to make him diamond II or even master BUT I didn't want a mega mind gamer in the comments to be like "erm, tomura wouldn't be diamond. It's hard to get to diamond!!11!" So I lowered his stats and you know what's CRAZY?! Me and a friend were talking about this exact issue and she brought up how he should have been at least diamond and I said the exact same story lmao. So I will go back and edit him into diamond 💀 he deserves it. The CS steal is so real 😔 so uncalled for. So unsophisticated. Okay but playing yasuo is fun, going against a yasuo is cancer. The wind shield is op. (When I'm playing against a yasuo) but sucks balls and blocks nada when I play him. (It's a zombie braincell hivemind that we all take turns with)

You're a Tumblr pro dude. 💀 I hadn't used it since 2015 so I'm still getting the hang of it (it doesn't tell me when I get notifs btw so I'm sorry for leaving you hanging for TWO WEEKS)

It legit means so much to me that you find so much joy in my writing and have stuck with it even with the long periods between updates. I appreciate you and the time you put into talking to me. It means a lot to me and you're the coolest anon I know.

Oh! And other games I play are pretty much anything 💀 I try to not get into competitive games like overwatch, Apex, or CSGO because I get EXTREMELY competitive and start screeching like a wounded animal. I used to play league religiously until my PC broke and my laptops can't run it (it can but it's like I'm either crashing or playing on PowerPoint) so I'm saving to get a new processor so I can play again! I mained ADC (jinx and Ashe, sometimes Tristana) or Annie on mid (LOL) BUT other than those, I prettyuch like anything. My fave games are Horizon Zero Dawn, Fable 2, Binding of Isaac, Assassin's Creed 2, and Minecraft! I play lots of survival games like ark, the forest, 7 days to die, and so on. I like simulation games Sims (obviously), house flipper, power wash simulator or even farming simulator 💀. You name a game, I've either played it or know about it.

They are my loves. They are my special boys and I care deeply for their fictional existence. As Texans, futuristic jerkwads, and in general.

No way will you ever bore me. If anything, I'll bore you

ANYWAY I will literally talk forever if given a chance 😬 thank you for talking to me! I'm always so excited to hear from you! I consider you a good friend at this point. How long has it been? Like 3 months? Maybe more???

[andromedasstarship]

in the stars - chapter 2

photo credits - @ssahotchnerr

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, show rating 16+ for reference. depictions of violence, stalking, murder, angst, age gap couple, language 

summary - You and Aaron reunite, but it’s not exactly anything to celebrate over. The case moves forward, but you really wish it hadn’t like this.  

a/n - no one is allowed to call me out on my lack of LA/california geographical knowledge. ive also started including readers mental thought train which is italicized (flashbacks will also be in italics, but ill always properly mark a flashback). if you arent tagged but asked, just send another ask/reply! i mustve missed it on accident.

blog rules 

masterlist // read it on ao3 here

chapter 1 // chapter 3

-----

Chapter 2 

Aaron Hotchner was standing in front of you. Impeccable, not even a slight crease in his shoes and suit pressed to perfection. He still smelled faintly like cedar, a thought you quickly tried to send away; it was too late though, already remembering how pitiful it was post breakup, when you would smell the shirts he left at your house, a desperate attempt to remember that he existed in your life. You’d spent hours, days even, thinking about how you’d react if you were ever to see Aaron in person again. At the top of the list was screaming at him, really giving him a piece of your mind for leaving the way he did. Or, maybe you’d be cool and composed, the epitome of maturity and ‘I’m Totally Over You’. You’d even considered completely ignoring him, not even giving him a second glance. Instead you were frozen to the spot, staring up at the man who broke your heart. 

Pulling your eyes away from him, they darted towards the gap between his body and outside, internally debating if you’d be able to somehow sneak around him. As if he could read your mind, not like you had been particularly subtle, he moved to close the gap before you had the chance to fully formulate an escape. 

“Y/N,” he tried again, voice a bit firmer this time around. It’d be better if he couldn’t speak. But then again he had such a beautiful voice-. No, you mentally clamped down on that thought before it could lead you down another rabbit hole. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Tell you, uh, what?” You asked, hyper aware of how mousy you must’ve sounded.

“That someone was murdering women that looked like you. You should’ve called my team sooner, it was irresponsible to put yourself at further risk of-” 

“Are you trying to imply that this is somehow my fault, Agent Hotchner?” The words felt bitter on your tongue. It wasn’t like you, to suddenly be so quick to anger. Years in the spotlight had taught you to hold your tongue, but Aaron’s words managed to cut right through. 

“That’s not what I’m saying, you know that-,” he tried to interject, but you weren’t going to back down so easy. 

“I know what Agent? Please, tell me the acceptable response to this situation,” you spat out at him, finding a brief enjoyment in the way his face scrunched up ever so slightly. “The police were working on the case, I’ve dealt with weirdos before.” Aaron opened his mouth again as if to speak, but you weren’t finished, “You really think I believed you’d answer if I called?” 

His face fell at that and you felt some form of internal victory swell in your chest. Y/N 1 point, Aaron Hotchner 0. The victory was short lived though, as you came to the realization that the two of you were still in a very public setting. 

“I’m not going to fight with you Agent, I suggest you get back to your team.” With that you shoved your way past him, stomping the entire way to your car. It was a shame, the way the anger and sadness was consuming you, maybe if it hadn’t, this time you would’ve noticed the clicking coming from the tree line. 

----

Hotch wished you had been angry; it would’ve been easier to handle you if you had been screaming in his face or throwing low-blow comments his way. He could deal with anger. It’d be easier if he could pretend that you were being completely out of line and could warrant being ignored for the rest of the case. 

That wasn’t you though, and he knew this. He didn’t have to be a profiler to see and hear the way you struggled to hold yourself together. He didn’t need to be a profiler to feel how disappointed you were with him. Hotch didn’t know how to deal with this or you.  Even though it had been months, had he truly fallen so far from your graces; was your opinion so lowly of him now? 

Hotch wasn’t sure which was worse to stomach, the fact that you had such little faith in him or the deep rooted feeling in his gut that told him you were right- had you called him unannounced two months ago, he wouldn’t have picked up the phone. 

----

You sat in your car for twenty minutes, at least. It was pitiful, the way you were crying in your car, to a sad playlist, over a guy who hurt your feelings; it felt like high school all over again. In the moment, you had felt good, the way you watched Aaron’s face twist and fall at your words giving you some sick form of satisfaction. 

It’s not like you had lied to him or anything. You hadn’t even stretched the truth for ultimate impact. The whole overly formal ‘Agent’ thing was definitely on purpose though. No, you had meant every word you said to Aaron, especially about not believing he’d answer if you called. What would you have even said if you called and he did pick up? Hi Aaron, remember me? Good, anyway hope you’re doing well but I think I have a murderous stalker, can you help? Actually, that’s probably exactly how the conversation would’ve gone, but that’s beside the point. 

The point was that even if you could trust the Unit Chief of the BAU to do his job, you weren’t sure you could trust Aaron Hotchner anymore. 

----

When you finally did muster up the courage to return to the conference room, you really wished you hadn’t. You should’ve just turned your car on and left. Was it possible to ghost the FBI? You’d heard enough stories from Aaron about how their tech wizard had found people with just a single loose thread, there was definitely no way you were going to make some spy like disappearance. 

Aaron wasn’t in the room, something you were grateful for in the moment. But what you weren’t grateful for was how the team had managed to set up multiple bulletin boards in your absence; filled with your photo, crime scene photos, the dead women and your personal least favorite, the dead women’s bodies. 

Of course, you knew what was going on, you were a big girl, well old enough to understand and process the gravity of the situation. But you’d only seen photos of the women alive, with personality and humanity; something about that made them look less like you and more like them. Looking at them now- dead, eyes closed, faces tilted away from the camera- these women didn’t just look like you, they were you. 

You hadn’t even realized you were drifting closer to one of the boards until you felt a hand pull at the crook of your elbow. Turning your head ever so slightly you saw JJ, giving you one of her nice looks again. 

“Y/N, you don’t need to see these,” JJ started, already pulling you in the opposite direction. You were about to agree, head already halfway to a full nod when you noticed something from the corner of your eye. 

“Wait!” You exclaimed, pulling your arm back and getting right in front of a photo of victim #2. You very gently pulled the photo of the wall and held it closely in front of your face. Were you allowed to move it? Oh well. You felt the rest of the team’s eyes burning holes through your back so you turned to face them. “I, um, I’m pretty sure the sweater she’s wearing is mine.” You said, voice coming out as a whisper. 

The team certainly seemed to liven up at that statement. Even though they hadn’t even been in LA for a full 24 hours yet, it was obvious from the start that LAPD hadn’t been lacking on the case, rather the unsub was just that good. They reported no evidence from any dump sites,- and now those sites had been contaminated far too much to double check- there had been no witnesses for any of the abductions, and the unsub hadn’t attempted any contact with Y/N; all in all, they had nothing. 

“Y/N, are you sure?” Emily asked, she was quickly pulling photos of the other three women down, bringing them over to the roundtable. “Are the women in these photos wearing anything else you recognize?” 

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure. There’s a little hole right there, on the side, the threads were pretty loose and I got stuck on a doorknob once, ripped it right open. I couldn’t find it when I went to fix it, just assumed I threw it away and forgot.” You said quietly, moving your way to the table. Your brain wasn’t working properly, hadn’t quite yet come to the conclusion that the rest of the agents already reached. He had gotten into your house. “Oh my god.” You whispered, voice shaking. “He was in my house, wasn’t he?” 

The agents all looked down at you with sympathetic gazes before Emily finally spoke up again. “We can’t be sure just yet, but I need you to look at these photos and tell me if you recognize anything else okay? Can you do that for me?” 

You nodded, making your way over to the table and taking a seat. You were well aware one of the agents just called for Hotch, but you couldn’t be bothered with that right now. 

----

“Hotch,” Derek said, his voice urgent as he rounded the corner, interrupting whatever conversation Hotch was having with a random officer, “Y/N recognized the sweater victim #2 was wearing at the dumpsite as hers. Emily’s showing her the rest of the photos and it’s looking like the unsub left something of hers on each one.” 

That certainly got Hotch’s attention. He didn’t need Derek to fill in the blank, the unsub had been in your house. His fists tightened at his side and he couldn’t help the way his face twisted in anger. In this state, Derek knew better than to question this unusually personal reaction, instead just angling his body back towards the conference room. He didn’t even have a chance to open his mouth before Hotch brushed past him, making his way back to you. 

----

Starting with a photo of victim #1, you very slowly pulled it closer in front of you. Oh my god, her neck. Obviously, you’ve seen bruises before, been on a whole bunch of film sets that used makeup to create some pretty gory pieces, but nothing like this. The unsub didn’t just stangle these women, it was like he wanted to completely crush their throats. 

One of the agents behind you was questioning your ability to stomach this, so you quickly forced yourself to focus. It was the least you could do for these poor women, just give them your undivided attention for ten minutes, and then you could deal with everything else later.

Your finger traced over the bracelet victim #1 was wearing. “This is mine. There’s a singular heart engraved on the back of the third diamond’s plating. I bought it for myself after I got cast in my first big role, cried for weeks when I ‘lost’ it.” 

“And what about this one?” Emily asked, gently pulling victim #1’s photo away from you and replacing it with #4. You didn’t miss the way she turned the photos you’d already looked at upside down, as if to further shield you from them. Nor did you miss that she was technically skipping victim #3. 

It didn’t take you long to notice what was yours on victim #4. “It’s the dress, it’s really comfy, I used to wear it a lot, like a lot a lot. I brought it with me so often on trips I just assumed it got left in a hotel room somewhere.” 

Emily nodded, taking back that photo and turning it over as well. You could see her hesitation in showing you victim #3, but she slid it across the table to you as well. Her fingertips ghosting on the edge of the photo, ready to pull it back as soon as you gave an answer.

Victim #3 was tough. She looked the most like you, both when she was alive and certainly the way she looked now. 

You took a sharp intake of breath as you looked down at her the first thing that caught your eye was the necklace. Most certainly yours and most certainly the one that Aaron had given you for your three year anniversary. You realized it was lost a few months after the breakup and nearly tore your house apart looking for it; you didn’t have many things from your relationship with Aaron to prove he was once part of your life, making the few things you did have all the more important. “The necklace, there’s an A engraved on the back and I’m pretty sure those shoes are mine too.” Emily swept the photo back and out of view as soon as the last words left your lips. 

“JJ, get those items out of evidence immediately so we can be absolutely sure,” Hotch ordered. Aaron. You hadn’t even realized he had walked into the room, you turned to look at him, eyes wide with sadness and fear. The tears that were beginning to form tugged viciously on his heart.  “Miss L/N, my team and I are going to escort you back to your home and we’re going to need to canvas it for signs of entry and identify if anything else is missing. Is that okay?” He asked, his voice soft with something most of the members couldn’t place. 

You simply nodded at that, glad that you wouldn’t have to be alone, “Do you need my address, or will you just follow my car?” There was definitely humor in that, Aaron already knew exactly where you lived and the code to get through the gates. 

“Your address is already in our files, but for your safety we’ll be following close behind.” He assured you. The rest of the team was jumping into action, grabbing their personal belongings along with copious amounts of gloves and bags you assumed would be for potential evidence. 

As you all exited the building and entered your respective vehicles, it was Reid who realized where he’d heard that softness in Hotch’s voice before. It was the same tone he used to use with Hayley, back when things were good. 

----

Your house wasn’t far and it was a drive you knew well; grateful for the ability to somewhat distract yourself on the road. The gatesman to your development gave you a real odd look when you told him the two black SUV’s filled with FBI agents were with you, but you couldn’t care less about which neighbor he might spread that info too. Did you see? L/N brought in the FBI, wonder what she’s caught up in. At least all the neighbors and workers had signed airtight NDAs, no one was allowed to talk to any outsiders about the personal happenings of their fellow residents. 

Your house was towards the top of the hill, with a great overlook to the ocean. You had only been 20 when you bought the house and you viewed it as the ultimate achievement of all your hard work and determination. You couldn't shake the bad taste in your mouth as you pulled up the driveway. The house felt tainted now, something you were never sure you’d be able to shake. 

----

Once again, not exactly how you imagined the entire team entering your house for the first time. Your house was extensive, as were the grounds; the team quickly realized they would probably be here for the rest of the day and well into the night.

You were standing awkwardly in the middle of your foyer, unsure of how to exactly approach this situation. “So, there’s about 10 rooms in the house, not including the kitchen and general living spaces, as well with the basement which is technically one big room. I made maps once as a joke, I think I have some in the office, if you wanted those? Or we could do one big house tour and you can break off that way,” you were so rambling, but them being in your house and why they were in your house was setting in, “or you can just go off however you want-” 

“Miss L/N,” JJ said, there was that nice look again, “why don’t you show me around the house so I can get a base level understanding of everything there is. The rest of my team will go start a basic canvas of the inside and the grounds as well.” Thank you JJ. 

You nodded at this, glad that someone else was taking control of the situation. Before you could lead JJ towards the kitchen, your phone started to ring, startling you. When did you get this skittish? 

“My friend is calling,” you said, holding up your phone, “I gotta take this, I was supposed to meet him for coffee a few minutes ago.” You excused yourself, quickly making your way to an empty room away from the rest of the team. Your friend was annoyed at your more than last minute cancellation, but luckily he didn’t pry too hard and accepted your flimsy “I’m not feeling too well’ excuse on the first go. 

“I know, I’m sorry, but I promise I’ll make it up to you as soon as I feel better. Yeah, I love you too. I gotta go, bye.” As you hung up, you could feel a gaze burning into the back of your head. Turning around, you found Aaron staring down at you from the doorway. How long had he been there? 

“You should have told us about your boyfriend sooner. Trying to protect him from questioning will only-”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” you exclaimed, a bit too hurriedly, “I, uh, I’m not seeing anyone at all actually, haven’t in a while.” Smooth. 

Aaron was smart enough to read through the lines and understand what you had left unsaid. His gaze didn’t give up, but you could’ve swore you saw relief somewhere in his eyes. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to say something, or if he was supposed to say something, or should you walk out, or- 

“Neither have I.” Hotch’s voice broke through your thoughts, but just as quickly as he said it, he turned on his heel and left you alone in the room.

----

a/n - if anyone is wondering ive 100% cried multiple times at how kind and supportive everyone has been with me about this story. we’re only 2 chapters in but im already sad for it to end. yes i 100% have a bunch of other wip ideas for hotch. anywaaaaaaay, replies/asks/comments/reblogs/likes always appreciated! thank you so much for reading 

Taglist: @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

no permission is given to republish or upload my fics anywhere else. if you see this story not on my tumblr or ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own criminal minds or any of the characters involved

[harvestleaves]

When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you: Chapter 2

Summary: Derek spends the day with Alex in the ER and the two have a heart to heart.

A/N: This chapter took a turn I wasn’t expecting to take it and is going to be pre-polyamorous relationship.  I’m not gonna say with who because I don’t want to spoil it, but I’m sure it’s pretty obvious.  @honeybee-babe​, enjoy part 2!  You can also read this on Ao3 here.

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,632

Alex found himself hooked up to an oxygen mask in the ER twenty minutes after Meredith led him out to the car with Dr. Shepherd in the chair next to the gurney, watching another intern try and stick him for an IV.

“Ow!  It’s an IV.  I’m not a damn pincushion you can just stab all willy nilly,” he hissed with a glare at the young blonde man.

“Sorry, you’re dehydrated.  Your veins are a little tough to get a line in,” the intern explained with a clipped tone as he finally got the IV inserted and a bag of saline hooked up.

“Dr. Shepherd, he’s probably going to be here for a few hours.  If you need anything, let me know,” the intern smiled at the neurosurgeon before shooting Alex a cocky smirk on his way out.

“Thank you.  You know you don’t have to be an ass to everyone that’s trying to help you,” Derek said to Alex with a teasing grin, the younger man giving him a glare in response.

“S-sorry, I just don’t like being poked and prodded,” Alex wheezed before another round of coughs caused him to lean forward.  He brought his left hand up to his chest to grip the gown he was wearing tightly in his fist as he tried to gasp at the air from the mask.

“Hey, try slowing your breathing down.  I know it’s tough.  But just focus on inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth,” Derek said as he reached out to hit the page button before he sat on the edge of the gurney, his right hand rubbing soothing circles onto Alex’s back.

Alex made a choked sound before he nodded rapidly, squeezing his eyes shut as he focused on Derek’s voice.  He inhaled at the command before holding the breath for a few seconds, letting the motion calm his rapid heartbeat before he shakily exhaled.

“That’s it, slow, deep breaths.  They’re gonna start you on a breathing treatment to get this attack under control and then send you for a chest x-ray so see what’s going on in those lungs of yours,” Derek explained gently as the intern came back into the room with a nurse to start the medication for Alex.

“We’re gonna give him an albuterol treatment and then check on him in an hour to see how well the meds are doing,” the intern explained as he handed Alex the nebulizer, guiding the misting mouthpiece up to the surgical intern’s lips.  “Deep breaths of that.  I’ll be back in fifteen minutes to check on you.  Don’t die while I’m gone,” he smirked with a wink to Alex, his hand resting an extra moment on the other man’s shoulder before he headed out of the room.

“Someone seems to have a crush on you,” Derek teased with a smirk to Alex, watching the younger man in amusement as he blushed, though the fevered flush masked it rather well.

“Yeah, he’s cute, I guess,” Alex mumbled around the nebulizer mouthpiece before his eyes widened at what he said before he immediately focused on the blanket over his lap.  Avoiding Derek’s gaze, Alex started to play nervously with a loose thread, feeling the older doctor’s eyes on him the whole time.

“You know your friends aren’t gonna care if you like guys too.  Or just guys.  Meredith and the others really care about you.  I don’t think you could do anything that would keep them from loving you like family.”

Alex blinked back a few tears at Derek’s words, quickly wiping them away with the back of his hand before he took another shaky breath of the medicine.  He couldn’t cry.   Because he knew that crying would only make his asthma attack worse, which was the last thing he wanted.

“Shit.  Don’t cry.  I’m sorry if I brought up a sensitive topic for you.  You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.  And if you do, just know I’m here to listen,” Derek explained softly as he ran his hand over Alex’s upper back once more.

Alex squeezed his eyes shut before he shakily inhaled through his nose once more to compose himself, practically able to hear his heart pounding from nerves.  “I h-haven’t really let myself deal with those feelings yet.  It’s a lot easier for me to just shove those feelings down and sleep around with random chicks who I don’t actually care about.”

“That makes sense, especially since you’ve been hurt by people before. Let’s finish this conversation after all the albuterol gets into your lungs.  If you’re talking, the meds might not work as well.”  Derek smiled reassuringly at Alex, keeping an eye on the oxygen monitor to make sure Alex wasn’t wearing himself out by talking during the treatment.

Alex nodded tiredly before he settled back against the pillows on the gurney, fighting the sudden urge to lay his head onto the neurosurgeon’s shoulder.

He was feeling very relaxed by the older man’s presence and considering he didn’t have many friends, let alone many male friends, it made Alex nervous.  But Derek had the same effect on him that Meredith did.  The strong silent presence that made him feel completely safe and protected, a feeling he was not used to having, so allowing himself to be cared for was scary.

“Just rest.  I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere,” Derek whispered softly as he watched Alex start to doze off at the end of the breathing treatment, watching the other intern return to change the mask back to an oxygen one before the intern turned to Derek.

“Look, Dr. Shepherd, I’ve heard some things about him from the nursing staff.  But I think Dr. Karev is cute, and if he does somehow swing my way, can you give him my number?” the intern, who Derek mentally noted was named Jason, asked, holding out a piece of paper.

“First of all, he is your patient at this moment, so this is kind of inappropriate.  And second, he’s working through some things.  However, after he is released and he figures everything out, I might give him your number. After I let his friends interrogate you of course,” Derek said curtly, slipping the piece of paper into the pocket of his coat as Jason’s eyes widened before he quickly ducked out of the room. Mumbling something about coming back in an hour to give Alex another treatment after he’s sent for his chest x-ray.

“Thank you.  And you’re right.  I do close myself off because people have let me down.  I’ve always had to be the strong one for my family, so I don’t know how to ask for help.  And I’ve never had the opportunity to think about my own issues.  The fact that I push away male friendships.  I’m scared because what if I develop feelings for one of them and that friendship is ruined,” Alex whispered softly to Derek as he heard the door click shut.

“It’s easier to have female friends.  Especially ones I don’t have feelings for.  All they want is a guy that will listen to their problems and occasionally hook up with them.  It’s easy,” Alex laughed bitterly, the laughs turning into coughs as Derek adjusted the gurney, so Alex was elevated more.

“Hey, you’ve got male friends now.  You’ve got O’Malley?” Derek offered with a smile as he rubbed Alex’s back, reaching down to squeeze the younger man’s hand.  “And you’ve got me.  I don’t care if you like men, or women, or both.  I’m your friend, and you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”

“I like both.  I’ve only had relationships with women, though.  But there is a guy I might like.  It might not be that intern, though,” Alex admitted as he dropped his gaze back to the blanket.

“What’s holding you back from asking this guy out then?  Other than you not being out?” Derek asked curiously with a tilt of his head, looking up with a smile when Meredith popped her head into the room.

“Hi!  How’s Alex doing?  Am I interrupting something?” Meredith asked curiously as she looked between Derek and Alex, smiling at Derek’s hand still over Alex’s.

“No.   You’re not.  Everything is fine.”

Alex quickly pulled his hand back from Derek’s as he looked between the two, scrunching his nose up in annoyance as he looked away.

“We were just having a pretty intense talk.  I was gonna tell Alex here that he’s not the only one who’s ever had a crush on his friend,” Derek explained with a kiss to Meredith.

“Ahhhhh, like your past relationship with Mark?” she teased him with a grin as he rolled his eyes in mild annoyance at his girlfriend.

“Yes, don’t remind me that my ex-wife and I had similar taste in men.  I try not to think about that,” Derek sighed with a laugh.

“Wait, you and Dr. Sloan?  But he’s such an ass.”

“He wasn’t when we were younger, and we dated.  Nowadays, yeah, he’s pretty cocky,” Derek nodded in amusement before he turned back to Alex.

“What I was going to say before Meredith came in though, was that you also don’t have to just date a single person.  Multiple people can be in a relationship together.  Which I what Addison, Mark, and I were in college.  Mer, I know you were talking this morning about maybe adding someone to our relationship.  I think that Alex needs us both at this time,” Derek explained, looking between his girlfriend and Alex, waiting for the two’s response.

“I think that is a perfect idea.  Alex?  What do you think?” Meredith asked her friend with a smile, gently squeezing his other hand as she waited for his response.

[the-moon-prince]

The Last Of us~Kurapika x Reader ~Chapter IX

AN: Hi my lovely fellows!

I’m sorry for the delay! Thank you so much for your patience and support! I love you all! This chapter is very long. In fact, this and the previous one would be one, but it already had more than 5000 words and I had not finished yet, so it seemed exesive to me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

I wish you a pleasant read, and I hope you’ll enjoy the new chapter of my story.  (Chapter I) (Chapter II) (Chapter III) (Chapter IV ) (Chapter V) (Chapter VI) (Chapter VII)(Chapter VIII) (Chapter X coming soon!)

Paring: Kurapika Kurta x GN! Reader

Word count: 5 498

TW: None! Pure Fluff

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They were both impatient and excited for that night. It gave (Y/n) a warm nostalgia to share something so close to their heart with someone they loved. It gave Kurapika the feeling of not only being appreciated but of belonging. He perfectly understood how important traditions were to people in their position. It was something that, in a way, connected them with who they once were and with those who once loved them. At the same time, it could bring grief and yearning for it.  That (Y/n) invited him to be part of one of their traditions meant two things, which were essential to Kurapika: the first, they were contented enough to carry out the celebration; the second, those sorts of events are held with family, and (Y/n) considered him sufficient bosom to show him their traditions.

The hours until check-out seemed tediously long for both. But everything comes sooner or later.

The two kept close to each other as they prepared to leave. 

Melody saw them from afar. She hadn't seen Kurapika so happy and delighted regarding something. It was so pleasant to see her friend gleeful after so much.

They were the last to leave the Nostrade Mansion, checking that none of their co-workers were present to go through the door holding hands. They did not let go during all the traject to (Y/n)'s automobile.

"I propose that we go to your house so you can prepare changes of clothes if you'd wish."-they orated, a clear eagerness on their voice. A tone that wouldn't leave their voice through all that night.

"That would be very convenient, thank you"-He too was happy but better at hiding it behind his calm tone.

They drove Kurapika to his residence, chit-chatting during the entirety of the route. Kurapika had promised him that he would not be long-drawn and they could wait for him outside to speed things up. However, once alone at home, a wave of insecurity hit him. Something not proper in him. He began to question himself. It was something important to both of them, and he didn't want, for whatever reason, to ruin it. He was afraid of saying something perhaps inappropriate, hurting his feelings, or insulting his culture by accident. There was a whole list of things that could go through carelessness and were annoying. If someone did such actions referring to some tradition of the Kurta, he would sure be mad. Above, (Y/ n) had not been very specific with the type of event it was. He did not know if he would have to dress formally, or in his traditional clothes. He began to get distracted and discredit the decisions he made. Finally, he changed into his Kurta clothing, packed in a sack another change of his traditional clothing, his white loose pajamas, and one of his black suits.

When he returned to the car with his belongings, (Y / n) was distracted on their phone. For someone who liked playing on his cell phone so much, he responded very little to messages and calls. When he put his bag in the back of the car he noticed some grocery sacks. Which he was sure weren't there before.

"Did you went to the supermarket while I was inside?"-Kurapika inquired. They looked away quickly solely to return their sight to him.

"Yes... I did."- They thought it was a bit explicit.

Kurapika felt bad about the time he must have taken-"Did I really took so long?"

(Y/n) shook their head-"No, no, no, I mean, it was a bit lengthy, but I took the opportunity to go buy what was required!"-they reassured with a smile.

"I'm sorry for being overdue."-he apologized with a sigh, holding his forehead.

"No no! Don't apologize! It's fine! We only gained time. Plus you avoided the dull line at the store."- they also started to shake their hands. Truly seeking to comfort him, they even found it handy.-"Please don't worry, it's perfectly fine."

Kurapika sat in the passenger seat, put the seatbelt on, and headed to (Y/n)'s residence.

"I hope you don't have any allergies to almonds, since I purchased to make an almond dessert."-their expression suddenly changed to a deadpan one. Realizing they didn't even ask beforehand that important detail.

"No no, I don't."-he notified. Curious about the variety of sweet it would be.-"Will you make desserts repeatedly?"-His sweetheart maybe literally was a sweet heart.

"Yes!"-they cheered-"Are you good at cooking by any luck?"-another question, but this one with a blameworthy tone and a somewhat ashamed smile.

"I master the basics, why that question?"- were they planning on cooking together?

"Because I am terrible when it comes to cooking. It's no coincidence that I only have cookies or candy in my cupboard."-They admitted with rectitude. That person sometimes had brutal honesty about some things. Kurapika was very sure that they were capable of feeling shame and shame, even seldom they seemed not to be ashamed of some things that most people would be ashamed of.-"So more or less I depend on your abilities for this to be successful."

When they arrived at the house, a comforting smell filled Kurapika's lungs. It was so pleasant and familiar by now. He felt at home and relaxed. (Y/n) put the shopping bags in her kitchen and started pulling out a wide variety of pastry supplies. If it weren't for their earlier confession, Kurapika would think they know what they're doing. In fact, he doubted if they even had any clues.

"What are we doing, then?"- he questioned, wanting to make sure they at least had a plan.

"We are making Frangipane! It is a sweet almond-flavored custard patisserie!"-when they mention dessert, they immediately smiled-"it is exquisite! I like it a lot, although I have not eaten for a long time. I hope you will enjoy it too!"- they flapped their hands with emotion as they explained. At first, it was somewhat difficult for Kurapika to decipher what they were feeling, however, there were moments where their happiness and emotion were clear. That was adorable to him.

"It sounds heavenly! How do we make it?" his excitement seemed to have infected him as well. But she couldn't help it! If his lover was so smiling, he was as well.

"I don't know!"-they said it was still content.

Trouble hit Kurapika. Even if he could tell what they were feeling, their mind was still a mystery.

"How do you plan to prepare it in that case?"-he pleased, worrying all the event will fail. He didn't want to see their excitement and joy crushed.

"My mami- mami is how I referred to my grandma- taught me how to make it. Though I forgot."-they calmed and tilted their head."-Except, that's no problem at all. Do you mind waiting for just a miniature moment, please?" they added directing to their bedroom. They allegedly had some solution to the problem. But Kurapika still wondered how they could be so forgetful and brilliant at the same time. 

(Y/n) returned shortly afterward with a little book in hand. The book seemed to be handmade, the cover was made of fabric with a flower pattern, except there was no title on it.

"My mami made a cookbook for me!"- they sang as they showed him the book. Kurapika took it and started leafing through it. Why didn't they mention that part earlier?-"Recipes are nothing further than a sequence of instructions. And in general, I exceed in following commands. So everything should be under control."

Kurapika might know a lot about many things, but the language the book was in was not one of them.-"Darling, I cannot comprehend what is written." 

"I know. The exact reason why I will be translating it."- they explained like the most coherent thing ever. He returned the cookbook. They started reading it, looking for the recipe they needed.

Both traveled to the kitchen and (Y/n) started to read out loud the recipe.

"Let's start with the dough! This is the longest of the processes, and you would want to start with it. It's an inverted puff pastry. For it, a base dough is needed. Which you are going to envelop in butter multiple times..."-the safety of their voice dispersed as they read.-"How does she expect me to do that..."-they mumbled for themselves, although Kurapika was able to hear it. It was just the beginning, and they were already distressed.

"But don't stress (Y/n) even if it appears complicated said like that, it's easier than you might think. You just have to follow the steps I'll be giving you."-they seemed surprised at that encouragement.

"Did... did your grandma wrote that?"-even he was surprised.

"Yes... I... I guess she knew me extremely well."- it even seemed their mami was in the room, knowing exactly how they were feeling.

"For the base dough, you need to mix 15cl of water with 18 grams of salt and one teaspoon of white vinegar." (Y/n) started to measure said ingredients while integrating them into an ample aluminum bowl and stirred. "With the wet ingredients already prepared, append 350 grams of white flour and 115 grams of melted butter and mix until homogeneity... I can do that."

They melted the butter in the microwave and added the flour, followed by a quick stir.

"Spread the dough on a surface with flour and form a tiny square."-they weren't bad at following instructions. Kurapika stayed next to them, admiring their focused face while passing ingredients and supplies. He was somewhat nervous they were going to miss the recipe by accident and feel bad, but they were having so much fun he ignored it.

"Behold! Our base dough is finished! It was simple!"-(Y/n) looked so proud of their achievement.

"It is a well-done dough!"-It was the first time that both of them prepared something similar, he couldn't help but feel equally satisfied.

The dough was placed into the refrigerator. The succeeding step was to mix 150grams of flour and 375 grams of butter until obtaining a paste. The two of them were having fun with the preparation of the dessert. Serenely conversing added joy at the night.

"Earlier this day, you mentioned today was important. Is there a celebration?"-the blonde wondered, aspiring to know more about his beloved's traditions.

Their smile softened-"It is. Today Vere Solstitium starts. It was a big celebration for the Uniliums taking place during spring. It lasted 12 days."-they informed while spreading the butter mixture into a bigger square and placing the dough inside, enclosing it.

"What was intended to be celebrated?"-he continued, as he saw the dough being spread and folded two times in half.

"Being alive and together. We were a small clan. The fact that they were all good and united made us fortunate."-they explained with a soft voice and a kind smile as they placed the dough in the fridge again to let it rest. There was a sad undertone, the object of the celebration sure was warming and pretty, but given the fact (Y/n) was the last alive, it turned to be dark. Both sat on the couch to wait.

"I see. Is there a reason why it was feasted in spring?"-Kurapika continued to ask, even if once reflected the circumstances were sad, it seemed to be a topic close to their heart.

"Because that's when all the flowers are in bloom."- (Y/n) unexpectedly rested their head on Kurapika's shoulder. Not that it was unpleasant, totally the opposite. He loved their contact and affection, it was just that (Y/n) was peculiar with physical contact. Not because they didn't love him with all their heart, they just needed to get used.

"My people had a close relationship with nature in general, but especially with flowers. Each flower has a meaning for us. And each of us had an assigned flower. That flower symbolizes your soul. Your entire aura lived in your flower and was part of it."-their voice was sweet and nostalgic. It did it good to share aspects so dear to them with someone they cherished. Similarly, Kurapika was glad to be capable of grasping that kind of information. When you lose your home, sharing your memories is complicated and beautiful at the same time. It felt less lonely.

"Do you have a flower?"- he guessed. Having the opportunity to hear about the culture of (Y/n) made him feel comforted. And if he didn't listen to them, who else would?

They looked up at him with a smile and nodded-"I do! I'm the poppy!"-they exclaimed-"It has a mixed meaning, a small wildflower often perceived as childish and frail. It's often related to dreams, daydreams. Besides is a flower formerly used as an analgesic and sedative. The poppy is a flower of comfort and hope, particularly comfort in times of penury."-they cocked their heads to the right a little-"Although it has not helped me much."- chuckling a little to hide their sadness.-"The other one, I don't fancy it that much, although I terminated up growing used to it. It also contains a meaning of aggressiveness and fury. There's why it's a flower surrounded by mysteries."

Possibly they do not see it, or they still grieving, but they had brought Kurapika hope and lessened his pain in the lowest moments. He adored their mystery. Having someone by his side loving and supporting him was like a dream. While they could be childish at times, it was invigorating to him.

How long has he not laughed? 

How long has it been since he felt blissful?

 How long has it been since he felt emotion ticking his senses? 

How long has he not felt any hope for the future?

One of the mysteries of (Y/n) was how they remained innocent and well-meaning after extremely much. Kurapika had no idea how they were so impassive, but he was so glad that they did. To him, the poppy suited them pretty great.

"I think it is a tad funny how the poppy is related to medicine and I ended up in this career!"-they joked. Maybe the flowers were connected to their soul after all.-"We better keep working on the cake."

Not even themselves knew the time that had elapsed since they started talking. Kurapika was amused by how (Y/n) could at times be quiet for hours, and listen with all the attention that each fiber of their body allowed them to give; in others be so talkative. In any case, he loved talking with them and listening to them.

"Now the fun part! The filling!"-they grinned, really radiant, even if it was a simple cake. And it was a simple cake. Only it went further.

"Isn't it a little early to make the filling?"-he asked, starting to worry about the resolution of their experiment once more. He had taken, perchance, the part of "I rely on you to succeed" far too literally. They shook their head and whimpered in disagreement.

"It may seem that it is, however it is more useful to have it ready to spare time. And if you let it rest it will taste greater."- they explained, the idea was not foolish so discussing it would lead to nothing.

"Let's boil milk! We need 150 milliliters and a hint of vanilla!"-they pronounced vanilla a bit weird, yet Kurapika did too. It was perhaps a shared trait in nonnative speakers.-"I absolutely savor milk! I believe it to be the superior beverage."-they stated pouring the milk into a saucepan, it looked never used. 

"Because you're a cat?"-A hint of a tease as well as a bit of genuine interest in the question.

"Probably! When I was little, I used to give choccy milk to my cat each time I had."-another weird frank response-"Next, whisk two egg yolks with 25 grams of sugar."

"You had a cat? As a pet? Considering that you are a cat, it would not be bizarre to have one as a pet?"-He had no idea that (Y/n) had former pets, even fewer cats. A bit uncanny to own a miniature version of yourself as a pet.

"Mmm..."-they shook their heads from side to side in uncertainty-"Not really. Humans make friends with other humans. An accompaniment animal is just a friend or an adoptive member of your family. The difference is that since it is another species, humans treat it as inferior."- they exposed their point of view, as they quickly whisked.

"I think you are right."-he mumbled, feeling a bit ridiculous. After all, wasn't that the reason why they had been exterminated? The person in front of him was not even human; and yet they seemed to possess a more comprehensive notion of humanity than many humans.

"Sunshine, would you mind passing me the cornstarch, please?"-their request pushed kurapika out of his reflection.

"Sure, how...how much?"- he vacillated.

"15 grams, please."-he poured the cornstarch into a small jar and passed it to them.

"Thank you!"-they continuously added the starch into the mixture. It felt so homely to cook together.

Kurapika remembered seeing his mother cook, accompanying her in the kitchen and sometimes passing her some things. (Y/n) remembered how they liked to sit in the breakfast nook's chairs to read while their grandmother prepared meals that they still remember nowadays with affection.

"Now that the milk is boiling, we add it to the yolk mixture, and we return it to the saucepan!"-they announced.-"It says we have to be careful and to stir continuously until the custard thickens."

"At the Solstitium celebrations, what different activities did you used to do?"-the blonde continued to ask with a soft smile. He loved to hear his beloved's memories.

"Oh! We had a lot of activities! Some carried out by the different groups for the rest: Dogs and wolves had a chorus howling to the moon, rabbits, and deers their dance. I participated in the ball of cats and mice, but I was the only cat, which converted it rather the cat and mice dance."-they gushed, happy words flowing like honey.-"At those parties, we wore beautiful and distinctive gears. They were bright and full of embroidered flower decorations. We all got united to dance and roar around bonfires, the children drew pictures, made flower crowns, and presented plays, music was played. But what I loved the most was the spring dance. The participants gathered around a noble flower decor and we danced holding hands and ribbons until we could no longer stand. The last one to hold, for enduring all the dance, he was named spring's royalty! And had an honored seat during the rest of the celebration."-They continued to whip the cream until cooked, a soft expression never leaving their face. Once removed from the heat they added a tablespoon of butter and left to rest in the refrigerator.

Kurapika would have loved to see (Y/n) dance. A real shame. At least he already knew why they always used some embroidered flower decoration.

"Are you ready to make the almond cream?"-they continued, persistent in their crusade for the dessert.-"Kurapika, please put two entire eggs in a bowl, 100 grams of sugar, 125 grams of almond powder, and 100grams of soft butter, please. I'll mix it."-(Y/n) requested as they washed their hands. You couldn't tell they cooked poorly, but some practice was lacking, resulting in some spattering. Kurapika obliged their request, it was not uncommon for one to ask the other to do things. They didn't usually argue about "who was in the lead"; it was stupid. They just helped mutually.

"Hunny bun!"-another pet name (Y/n) liked. But how couldn't they? Kurapika was sweet as one! Hearing the honeyed name he came to them -"Here!"-The container with the almond cream was brought to his face. A very sweet smell filling his nose.-"It smells good, doesn't it?"-they bragged with a bright smile. 

He smiled too, seeing someone you love happy, spreads happiness.-"I can't deny that it smells delightful! We made nice work, darling."

"And we have not finished yet! The final result is even more scrumptious."-they announced.

(Y/n) stared a moment into the sticky sweet cream filling. They then directed silently towards their lover, resting a moment, supporting his weight on the counter. they took some of the mixture with two of their fingers and smeared it on his face.

"Boop!"-they started to laugh at the boy's face of surprise. They had already made some plays, but never pranks before. Oh! It was better for him to get accustomed to it, they were mischievous sometimes!

"Hey! Why did you do that?"-he of course faked some anger, but couldn't hide his smile.-"Come here! I will get revenge on you, sneaky cat!"

They screeched covering their smile with both hands. Kurapika started chasing them around the kitchen, as they slipped away and they avoided his grasp. They were there for a while. At one point, (Y/n) even got on all fours in their cat form as they jumped and ran from side to side just to complicate the situation for him. They eventually ran out of air and ended up getting caught.

"No, no, no, no!"-they started producing noises between hissing and laughing. Having them already in his grip, Kurapika cleaned the almond cream from his features with his hand and stamped it on their face. (Y/n)'s first reaction was to shrug their shoulders executing a grimace, wrinkling their face with a weird smile to next shook their head to the sticky foreign sensation.

"You asked for it (Y/n)! I told you I will get a payback!"-he mocked. It felt so gratifying to play a little!

"Jokes on you, my dear. I'm a cat!"-they snickered back, with their wands on the hips. They proceeded to wipe the candy with the back of their hand and lick it.-"Mouthwatering!"

They both laughed out loud, forgetting for a brief moment full of joy all their sorrows and desolations.

"You got fortunate. I want to taste it too. Let's finish the tart."-he smirked after giggling.

"It appears perfectly fair to me! We just have to incorporate the custard into the almond cream and the filling will be ready."-they continued to chuckle.

"And then we bake it?"-he inquired, really wanting to taste the dessert, it was merely the filling, but the smell was appetizing.

"I wish that, my love. But in the book, it says we must leave the dough rest some more time."-was the answer, accompanied with a light head shake. They had already calmed down completely.

"In that case, I will go sit down a moment."-Kurapika was starting to feel drained. It was late at night, and they had had a heavy day.

"Then I will prepare tea, is that okay?"-they said softly, realizing their weariness.

Between the warmth of the tea, the comfort of the armchair, and the feeling of peace the sleepiness grew in him. It was good at home. He didn't even realize he fell asleep.

~

Kurapika felt a poke on his right cheek and a sweet smell.

"Kurapika."- a whispering voice sang.-"My love, the frangipane is ready!"

His head was resting on the back of the chair. When he opened his eyes, he discovered a (e/c) pair with dilated pupils looking at him tenderly. He raised his head and looked around. As he looked down, he observed a padded blanket covering his body.

"You feel asleep."-(Y/n) whispered to him so as not to stun him.-"But the cake is ready and warm."-their eyes looked a bit tired too. A patisserie sitting on the coffee table in front of him. The cake was round, golden, and shiny. The crust had some simple flower-carved motif.

His lover was sitting by his side, waiting with an impatient stare and a smile. Kurapika sat back in his spot. (Y/n) approached the pastry and cut two pieces, placing them in round candy plates, passing him his share. It was two layers of golden puff pastry with a light almond luscious filling in-between. It had a sweet, buttery aroma. 

He grabbed the spoon and took a taste of the desert. The top was crispy and buttery, and the interior creamy, sweet and soft, a little fruity. It was a delicious homey and beloved flavor, as from an unknown childhood.

(Y/n) watched him waiting impatiently for his answer.

"It's deletable."-he smiled.

Then, they took a spoonful of cake. "Yummy!"-Immediately flapping their hand in happiness while savoring the candy.-"We did it! It tastes just like I remember."-they approved with a smile.-"My mami always doing what I can't, even believing in me when I don't."-they laughed.

"She left you a good recipe."-he assured.

"I'm certain she's proud of us in this precise moment."-they added, looking down at their plate.

"Did you do the flowers?"-Kurapika wondered, examining the crust of the tart.

(Y/n) hummed and nodded in confirmation-"With a scalpel!"

It made sense that they were skilled with blades, they were doctors after all.

"I used to eat this very often with my brother."-they mentioned taking another nibble of cake.

"You had a brother?"-he was surprised, they never had suggested the existence of siblings before.

"Not as such."-they tilted their heads, reflecting a way to describe it-" We were offsprings from different parents. Though we were both only children. In our community, in these cases, we were assigned a symbolic sibling. The fraternity was for taking care of each other."-The Kurta Clan didn't have something equivalent, but from what little they had mentioned, the Unilium were also a tiny community. Depending on their unison to preserve and care for each other. That practice, within its private Clan's rules, made sense.-"His name is Julian, he was a dog. As I was raised by wolves, by right of blood, I belonged to the order of wolves. Canis Lupus and Canis Lupus Familiaris, by proximity. Moreover, as we were from litters of just two years apart, we got joined."

Of the two, perhaps it was (Y/n) who spoke less about their origins and Clan. Kurapika had already mentioned, albeit vaguely: Pairo, his grandfather, and some adventures of the Lusko province. It also cannot be overlooked that (Y/n) liked to ask questions about it and always listened to him with application and interest in the subject. They generally cared about learning about the Kurta.

"And the cats? Didn't you had your order?"-he pondered, it was his turn to learn.

"Something similar. I was the only cat... I mean, not because it's something special, there just hasn't been a cat in a while. Finally, it was my turn."-they shared.-"The method of organization was somewhat tricky. If your parents were of a different race than yours, you belonged to their order; having been raised by them. Like a blood right, in that manner, no one was left without an order."-they specified once more-"The proximate orders were united. It was not a caste system, only that rabbits did not have the same abilities and dilemmas as wolves, for example. Having someone who had been through the same or similar as you eased."

They were silent for a few seconds, remembering. Kurapika wanted to ask more about their brother although he wasn't sure if it was convenient.

"Julian was a nice dog."-they looked down and stared at the tart piece a moment, with a trembling smile. Maybe they felt Kurapika's curiosity about the case. Perhaps they just wanted to remember him, who knows. But he started talking as if he knew accurately what was on the other person's mind.

"Poor him, they forced him to babysit me!"-they laughed, easing again-"His favorite food was egg sandwich."-they snickered-"Isn't that weird? One would expect something else..."-they continued to chuckle-"I don't know, something special. Some pasta, some stew, but no, just that. I mean, it was beneficial for me. Extorting him with food was pretty easy."- They always had been sneaky and playful after all! 

After that joke, they were silent for another moment. Kurapika wanted to say something to cheer them up, he had to. They continuously did. But they got ahead of him, speaking just as he opened his mouth.

"Kurapika, please wait here, I have something for you!"-they begged, heading to their kitchen. It didn't take long for them to come back with a large bouquet of beautiful flowers of different colors. The flowers were placed in several layers in long stems. They sat down next to him and offered them to him with a gentle and bashful smile. Kurapika had a surprised expression. He was not expecting a gift, less so unexpectedly.

(Y/n) avoided his gaze looking at the bouquet and tilting their head.

"They are gladioli."-they stated softly-"Its general symbolism is that of innate elegance. Its structure resembles that of a sword, recalling victory and strength. As well as the sources of ideals and honor."-they began to explain-"I also selected certain particular colors. White gladioli besides symbolize remembrance; oranges to others furthermore are an invitation to love; reds are for passion and strength of the spirit; finally, pink are a sign of good wishes. Gladioli are also known as the flower of victory."-their face was burning.-"I offer them to you as a genuine symbol of appreciation and love." Kurapika took the flowers and stared at them. He carefully touched the fragrant petals; they were fine. He was extremely touched by the gesture. He felt accepted and supported. The gift was overflowing with love and care, it was honoring. 

"Thank you (Y/n), they are precious."-he was not sure how to express all the warm feelings that were flooding him at that moment, and the drowsiness did not do him any favors-"thank you, dearly."- He had an immense desire to hug them, to hold them close and never let go.

"Kurapika, you're exhausted."-they delicately remarked, smiling lovingly-"We should go to bed, sorry for keeping you awake."-They got up and gathered the supplies before Kurapika could respond.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine."- he tried to reassure them when they came back.

"It's still 2:43 am. the most suitable thing is to go to sleep."- they couldn't deny they were tired as well.

"I suppose your right..."-he didn't had much force left, the tiredness was taking over.

They both marched to the bedroom. The bed was full of stuffed animals like last time. (Y/n) directed themselves to the bathroom.

"I'll use the restroom a moment if you don't mind."-they announced. 

"Are you taking a shower at this hour? Is it needed?"-he asked astonished. It was quite late and they seemed fatigued.

"Mmm... something alike, is intricate to explain. Although I promise I'm not going to delay."-they explained getting into the bedroom. Kurapika took advantage of that time to change clothes and put on his loose white pajamas. 

As promised, they didn't took long. When they came back with slightly damp hair, the blonde had barely had time to arrange all his belongings and was getting into bed.  (Y/n) got into bed on the same side as last time. This time they took the initiative and approached Kurapika, cupping his face. It was one of those rare moments when they looked into his eyes. He took those opportunities to admire their (e/c) catlike eyes. They were special and wonderful to him. They said nothing. (Y/n) slowly approached him and gave him a shaky kiss. It was the first time they had kissed him on the lips. The order of events in the relationship may not be the conventional ones. But Kurapika was aware that close physical contact costed them. He didn't mind taking it carefully either, it was worth it to him. It was a quick kiss. He leaned forward and kissed them again. They tasted sweet. Both finally leaned on the bed, close to each other, putting their faces together. (Y/n) slightly rubbed their cheek against his before snuggling. Holding him tight, they started to pet Kurapika's soft blonde hair.

"Goodnight darling." He whispered, feeling so loved, and being overcome by sleep.

"Goodnight sunshine"-they muttered back-"I'm assured they would have too loved you..."

[katachell]

portal 2 project???

portal 2 has an AMAZING narrative. AMAZING. but if you want to rewatch the story... you cant. your two options are to watch let’s plays and randomly skip around to hopefully hear all the dialogue, or to read the quotes on the wiki... which are seperated by character, not scene, and dont give environmental details. this makes it impossible for people who dont want to put in a massive amount of time in to experience the story of the game in one definitive place. so, i propose:

THE PORTAL 2 PROJECT

the end product of this project would be a video, posted to YouTube, that has all of the relevant scenes and dialogue in order. it would play out like a movie, so people who haven't or don't want to play the game can still enjoy and understand the story in its entirety. it would use screen recordings of the game, so you can see whats happening and hear it.

what would be included in the video:

-any moment where there is dialogue (exceptions listed below)

-plot relevant details: for some examples, getting the portal gun, finding a rattman den, introducing a new puzzle element, when cave says that portals can be placed on the moon. (this is to better help people who aren't familiar with the franchise understand what the things they're seeing on the screen are.) (most of these would be short clips: for example, when hard light bridges are introduced, the clip would show chell walking up to it and standing on it, and then the video would move on.)

-major scenes, obviously. an example is when chell falls into the pit or unlocks old aperture.

-small, funny details. (without lingering for too long.) it wouldn’t be portal 2 if you dont show the little details! examples include the borealis dock, the elevator room screens, or when wheatly is monologuing and you can go back and he’ll keep monologuing (”you’re at my mercy! wait- come back! (chell goes back) FOOL! you’re at my mercy, and i dont have any!”

-exploring the enviroment: for example, the screen recorder would stop to look at the awards in old aperture, zoom in on chell’s name for the potato experiment, listen to the optional/hidden cave experiment dialogue, as well as look at old posters and signs that tell you about the dangers of old ap. just so the audience is grounded.

-ive touched on this in other bullet points, but not everyone has the time or willpower to look for the little hidden things in the game. this would make sure that you get a very full, portal 2 experience.

what would NOT be included:

-puzzle solving. some chambers take a few minutes to solve, and there is no dialogue. this interrupts the story. unless the puzzle solving is relevant to the plot, like quickly introducing new mechanics to the audience, it wont be included.

-unimportant dialogue. for example, in the neurotoxin generator area, whealtly will ramble for - i think i lasted 4 or 5 minutes before i left - a while, just trying to convince the neurotoxin generator to shut itself off or something. while entertaining, it takes away from the focus of the project.

an example of the formatting:

i imagine the format to look something like this: (im using chapter 1 as an example)

-full, uncut opening with the wheately escape. the cameraman waits at the door before opening it so you get his full dialogue. ~5 minutes

-chell goes into her old relaxation vault, listens to the announcer, puts a button on the pressure pad, then enters the elevator. this introduces the button/cube mechanic. (this scene comes directly after the last, with no cuts). since there is announcer dialogue and new mechanics, this stays relatively uncut. ~1 minute

-chell exits elevator, hears funny announcer dialogue. the camera looks at the room for 5 seconds so the audience understands the setting for the scene, as well as the act. ~15-20 seconds

-chell presses a button to open a portal. this is the first time a portal is seen. she walks through the portal. this introduces the core mechanic of the game. (~30 seconds) (once the mechanic has been used once or twice, the rest of the puzzle is cut)

that would be the basic format. for things like multiple uneventful test chambers in a row, it would show slow fading shots of the test chamber number so you understand that time is passing. this would be intercut with shots of the setting.

HOW CAN I GET HELP / THIS PROJECT STARTED??

getting all of this footage is too much for one person. editing it... is too much for one person. ALL OF THE FOOTAGE HAS TO COME FROM PEOPLE WORKING ON THIS PROJECT. IT CANT COME FROM OTHER PEOPLES YOUTUBE VIDEOS. For this project, I’ll need people to record the footage, people to help edit the footage, and 1-3 people who know the story well and are willing to go over the game’s plot and determine what scenes and details we need, so the records know what to record and what to focus on. 

Do you want to help capture footage? if so, youll need:

-access to the PC version of the game with LOW LAG gameplay

-a screen recorder program. it CANNOT have a watermark on the finished product. needs to be high resolution footage.

-(the recordings will NOT feature your voice or a face cam.)

-(you do not need mods and please leave the portal gun with its base texture)

-(id be comfortable with each screen recorder person to cover around 1-2 chapters... so maybe 4-5 people, unless i can find more. youd be following some directions on what to record. you do not need to edit, just get the footage.)

Can’t do that? Can you EDIT video footage? you’ll need:

-a video editor. high quality. i dont know the editing industry, i dont know what software exists.

-MUST be able to export it without a watermark and in high quality.

-(each editor will be responsible for a chapter or chapters. then render your final product. one editor will put all of the finished chapters together. this means you can use different software from the other editors, and will have a good amount of control over your assigned part. i dont have a number for how many editors there will be. id like more than one.)

Can’t do that? What about choosing the important scenes and details and acting as a sort of ‘writer’ for the plot? You’ll need:

-a good knowlege of the game and its history and fun facts. if youre obsessed with this game and franchise... yeah same. but as long as youre interested and know it well, thats fine

-be able to browse the wiki

-time to review the game by watching lets plays or playing it yourself

-be able to choose the right details and communicate that to the screen recorders and editors. remember my example about chapter one earlier? youd have to lay it out in a similarly comprehensive way.

-take constructive criticism

-must be older than 14 for this. youve gotta make a lot of decisions in this role. ive seen some really creative and talented high schoolers, so thats where im drawing the age line.

-(im hoping for 1-4 of these people, including myself.)

IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN HELPING, SEND ME A DM. IF YOU’RE CHOSEN TO WORK ON THE PROJECT, I’LL SET UP A DISCORD FOR THOSE INVOLVED. IF THIS GETS SOME SORT OF MASS SUPPORT, I’LL SET UP A DISCORD FOR ANYONE INTERESTED IN UPDATES.

The purpose of this project is to make it so you can relive the portal 2 plot without having to replay the full game. Other methods do not exist. No one video shows the plot in order with ‘filler’ removed. Voice lines exist in text form, but do not capture the visual aspect of the game, or give context, and are not a full experience. This story is a masterpiece and deserves to be edited so it is comprehensive and all in one place. No one will claim credit for owning portal 2 or writing the story - the video is showing gameplay, and just so happens to be the relevant gameplay. However, screen capture, editing, and direction credits will be given to everyone who participates. This project will allow you to introduce friends and family to the game without sending them a video where only 5 minutes out of the 1 hour video is relevant. I have wanted this project for a while, but I’ve realized that I can’t do it alone. Even if you can’t help directly, please spread the word and reblog.

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Villainous Heroics - Chapter 18

Hey, everyone! Sorry for such the long wait between upload times; I was getting To Land On Your Feet, another Erasermic story of mine, up and off the ground, so go ahead and check that one out! It has four chapters up and a new chapter uploaded every Tuesday and Friday!

As for this story, we have two chapters to go after this one with the final being an epilogue of sorts, so we're almost done, guys! It's been a wild ride, but I'll save all my goodbyes for the final chapter! This story should be finished by the end of the week and, as a heads up, I'll be uploading the last two chapters and then later going back and doing one final edit/upload. What's this mean?

I'll be taking out all my various author's comments (not including the one at the first chapter), editing the chapters for plot holes, inconsistencies, grammar, and everything else. This is the week where all those typos who escaped finally lose their lives.

That's for later, though, and for now enjoy our two boys finally getting some time alone after everything that's been going on!

Enjoy!

                Click here to read the work on Archive Of Our Own.

                             ⍣ I have a Patreon! Support me?⍣                           ☪ I have a tip jar! Buy me a coffee?☪

Summary: Eraserhead is an underground hero who is constantly busy and doesn’t have time to be dealing with new villains - even if they aren’t all that villainous and make the night interesting.

Present Mic is the latest up-and-coming villain in the world and he has a point to prove to everyone out there - as long as he doesn’t keep getting distracted by Eraserhead.

Aizawa Shota is someone who soon learns that there is more to someone than the mask they show to the world - especially when it comes to playing heroes and villains.

Yamada Hizashi learns that there is more to heroics and villainy than he could have ever thought - especially in a world where some heroes still care about those lost in the shadows.

(Inspired and dedicated to corndog-patrol’s Villain!Mic AU on Tumblr.)

           <<First Chapter>> <<Previous Chapter>> <<Next Chapter>>

                                           Chapter Eighteen

Hizashi didn’t have to open his eyes to know he was in a hospital. Even without his glasses or hearing aids it was all too easy to pick up the overly bright lights, the smell of bleach, antiseptic, and blood, and the feeling of an uncomfortable bed that was just on the side of too firm.

Considering he hadn’t been in a hospital since he was a teenager, it took him a few groggy seconds to try and figure out what he had done to end up there. Maybe the stove at his job had exploded and that meant he no longer had to deal with his villain of a boss. That would be worth the trip to the hospital.

Jeez, he hurt a lot worse than when his shoulder had been shot while doing his ‘hero’ work. His throat and neck, especially, hurt, which usually meant he had overused his quirk and…

Hizashi jerked up at realizing what must have happened, biting back a scream as he near tore his arm out of his socket, hazy vision focusing on where a silver pair of handcuffs - quirk suppressing handcuffs - was keeping him chained to the hospital bed by the arm that wasn’t hooked up to wires and medical equipment.

Right. Right, okay, Hizashi could think about this calmly. First, he didn’t see his glasses anywhere, but that could just be because he couldn’t really see to find them. The bright lights weren’t helping his headache, either, so Hizashi closed his eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths.

As it turned out, that was a very bad idea because his throat suddenly felt like it was on fire. It took everything he had to not fall into a coughing fit because that, he was certain, would just make things bad enough that he would start crying. Hizashi really didn’t want to start crying while in a hospital.

Getting control of himself, he noticed that his hearing aids were gone, too. Overall, he was unable to see, unable to hear, chained to a bed, and the pain from his throat felt like it was ready to tear him apart. Suffice to say, Hizashi mused, he must have had a very bad day.

It wasn’t until he was starting to calm himself down that Hizashi remembered what exactly had happened before he woke up in a hospital. The details were fuzzy, at that moment, but Hizashi remembered enough to know that all of Japan, and by extension the police, knew who he was and knew him as nothing more than a villain. How depressing.

At least he had survived the fight, he realized. There was also an almost forgotten memory of Aizawa coming to his rescue and, considering Hizashi was sure he hadn’t had brain damage at the time, that probably meant it was true. Good. That meant the kids must have been safe and those villains dealt with.

Attempting to crack his eyes open again, Hizashi took a glance around the room he was in. There were no windows, the door was firmly shut, the lights were annoyingly on, and his was the only bed in the room. A private room, then, without any windows. No doubt it was because his status as ‘villain.’

He couldn’t make heads or tails of what he was hooked up to or what it was showing about him, but he noticed he at least had a heart monitor and an IV drip of something. Hopefully it was pain medication because Hizashi felt like his body had been used as a chew toy by something really big with really sharp teeth.

Getting the urge to close his eyes again, Hizashi paused and squinted as he saw a blurry outline of a black rectangle. Careful of everything he was hooked up to, Hizashi carefully poked at the outline and felt smooth glass. It was a phone, he guessed, and, judging by the cracked screen, it was his phone.

Hizashi snatched it up in an instant, wincing at the extra light on his already battered eyes. He could at least squint enough to find out the time and date, nodding to himself as he saw it was three in the afternoon. That wasn’t too bad, but it was the date that showed tomorrow’s date that had him almost falling into another panic attack. Had he really been unconscious for over twenty-four hours?

He couldn’t even call it sleeping when he still felt so exhausted! Fuck, he was supposed to have been at work and he hadn’t even been able to call in. Wondering if he could still fix it, Hizashi squinted and worked his phone one-handed, wincing at the pressure it put on the IV needle. It wasn’t like he could use his other hand, though, seeing as he was handcuffed.

Right, okay, messages from his boss; ugh, multiple messages. That was never a good sign. A quick scan through showed that, if nothing else, he would have a lot of free time in the future. Being fired over the phone was a new low, though, even for that slimy little bastard- Oh. Right. His identity had been broadcasted over national television, hadn’t it?

Hizashi took a steady breath through his nose, trying to stay calm as he went over the facts. So far, he had been asleep for over a day, he was chained to a hospital bed, he had been outed as a villain, and he had just been fired from his job. His phone was also flashing a low battery symbol and about to die in his hand as his head pounded from all the light and the unnerving silence started getting to him.

He was just starting to think it couldn’t get any worse when he saw the door start to open. Hizashi dropped his phone and his arm, screwing his eyes shut and falling back to lean against the obscene number of pillows behind him and now almost grateful for his missing hearing aids. At least now he could put off whatever lecture was coming; whether it was from the police or the doctors or some weird mix of the two.

There was silence, as always, and Hizashi started bracing himself before… the lights were turned off? Cracking his eyes open, Hizashi saw nothing but blissful darkness and a vague, shadowy shape moving around the room. Maybe if he closed his eyes again, he could pretend to be asleep? It was better than anything else, seeing as now his eyes were burning.

That officially left no part of his body that wasn’t hurting and Hizashi was almost frustrated enough to start crying. Before he could give in to the urge, there was the feeling of soft, dim light filling the room and then the feeling of hands on his arm and Hizashi had to fight not to jerk away as he felt something cold and wet wiping around the needle.

It took a moment, but Hizashi realized that he must have caused some bleeding where he had his arm bent, earlier, and the doctor, or nurse, was wiping away the blood. At least they weren’t trying to ask him questions - or, if they were, Hizashi didn’t hear them.

His phone was taken next, Hizashi hoping that it was at least just set down again instead of taken away from him altogether. Starting to relax, Hizashi tensed back up as he felt something touching his ear and he really did not like that-

“-looking like I’m going to kill you. Oi, can you hear me? I don’t know how these things are supposed to work.” The low, sleepy drawl of Aizawa Shouta had Hizashi jerking back up, eyes wide before they were focusing on a pair of glasses being held in front of him. “Sorry I couldn’t find any of your sunglasses.”

“Aw, Eraser, that’s so sweet of you!” Hizashi tried to say - tried seeing as the second he started talking it felt like his throat was on fire, no noise escaping besides a broken, jagged whimper that his hearing aid picked up all too well.

“Hey, hey, easy.” Hizashi felt a warm, steady hand rubbing circles on his back and then the feeling of a plastic straw against his lips. Hizashi focused on the straw, first, sucking down water and, again, almost crying. It was almost worrying how strong and often the urge was getting, Hizashi mused to himself before taking a few moments to try and steady himself.

“I know this might be an impossible task for you, but don’t try to speak for a while.” Aizawa’s voice was a low, concerned mumble, soft and easy on his hearing as the man worked on hooking his other hearing aid around his ear. “These are some spare aids that the hospital had. The doctor said you should know how to adjust them yourself.”

Settling for giving a shaky thumbs-up, Hizashi took another sip of water before pushing the cup away. As Aizawa set it back on the nightstand, Hizashi took a moment to fiddle with his hearing aids one-by-one, softening the sounds and giving another thumbs-up when they were at the level they roughly should be.

“Right. Nod or shake your head, do you remember why you’re here?” Ah, straight to the point as always, his hero. Hizashi nodded, noting that Aizawa… hadn’t removed his hand from his back. He was still rubbing little circles against Hizashi’s spine, small and soft as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

Hizashi made absolutely sure he wasn’t going to cry at the soft touch before leaning into it, making a mental note to blame whatever was in the IV drip later. Remembering he had been asked a question, Hizashi nodded in answer, noticing a bit of tension leak out of the man.

“Good. That means you know what I’m talking about when I call you an absolute idiot.” Well, that was a little harsh. “As soon as you’re out of this hospital I’m going to give you an entire lecture I give to my students in the first week of class about how not to be a dumbass.” An entire lecture, huh? That sounded like it could be fun if Aizawa was the teacher…

Feeling a light pinch to his back, Hizashi gave the man an exaggerated pout, swearing he saw Aizawa blushing. It had to have been the pain meds. “You and Nemuri are too much alike, I swear.” Nemuri…? Oh, right, Midnight. “What hurts the most right now?”

Hizashi pointed to this throat without pause, a bit worried at Aizawa’s expression. It was a frown, as was the usual with him, but he also looked so worried. Hizashi resisted the urge to clear his throat or try to talk again, instead waiting for Aizawa to speak first. He was almost surprised he didn’t have to wait a century for that to happen.

“You overused your quirk, but you also… Do you remember the end of the fight? Right as me and Midnight got there?” Thinking about it and making a face, Hizashi waggled his hand to try and convey a ‘sort of.’ “They had you pinned.” Ah, they had, hadn’t they?

Let’s see… Hizashi remembered feeling a lot of pain, he remembered seeing Eraserhead and then the disappearance of that awful shield, and then… Hizashi touched his fingers to his throat for the first time, feeling thick bandages wrapped around his neck. Bandages like this wouldn’t be used just for bruising.

“They managed to directly attack your neck since they were trying to stop you from using your quirk. You were in surgery for a while last night and early this morning.” Stop him from using his quirk, huh? Depending on how they did that, it was quite possibly a miracle that Hizashi was still…

“You’re lucky you’re alive,” Aizawa mumbled, soft and quiet and hand on his back forming a fist that was clutching at Hizashi’s hospital gown. Since he was unable to speak, Hizashi settled for turning his head just enough to kiss at that scar under Aizawa’s eye, pulling back after a moment and biting his lip.

There was a second where Aizawa blinked, looking surprised and completely caught off guard before Hizashi felt lips pressing against his own, soft and sweet and so unlike the first and last kiss they had shared.

Hizashi wasn’t sure how long it lasted, whether it was a second or a lifetime, but when Aizawa pulled back, he looked a lot less stressed, rubbing at Hizashi’s back again. The two were both silent for a few moments before Aizawa finally straightened up, moving to pull a chair over and take a seat in it.

“The kids are all alright, by the way. All of them were accounted for and none of them have more than a scratch or two.” Aizawa was a mind reader and Hizashi had never been happier for that, it felt like; although he was a little bummed that Aizawa was no longer so close and rubbing at his back because that had been nice. “They also made you a card.”

Wait, what? Hizashi looked over to see that Aizawa was holding up a little cardboard card with a cartoon of a bird with a bright yellow crest on it. Aizawa then flipped it open and Hizashi saw that it was scribbled all over with kind words and addressed to ‘Mr. Hero.’ In the end, Hizashi figured he couldn’t be blamed for crying at that.

Taking a minute or two to wipe at his eyes, Hizashi startled and looked over when he saw Aizawa’s hands moving… Oh.

‘I know sign, by the way.’ Aizawa signed and then looked back to Hizashi with a smirk. Hizashi wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch him or drag him back over for another kiss. Oh, who was he kidding, he definitely wanted to drag him back over for another kiss. Sadly, though, it seemed that would have to wait.

Moving to finally ask the questions he had, Hizashi winced and dropped his shoulders when he felt the hand that was handcuffed draw up short. So much for signing. Maybe he could pout enough that Aizawa would feel pity and pick the lock like he was already doing. Wait.

“I don’t even know why they cuffed you,” Aizawa muttered, Hizashi’s heart speeding up at how close the man was as he leaned over him to get at the lock. Where did he even find lockpicking tools? Did he just carry those around- Shit, the device monitoring his heart rate was getting louder. “It’s not like you’re about to run for it.”

Okay, good, Aizawa didn’t seem to notice. At least, that was what Hizashi thought before the man was giving him a quick, nowhere near as soft kiss, smirking at him when Hizashi’s heart rate shot up again and this man was a horrible human being.

‘You’re awful.’ Hizashi signed as soon as he could, glaring at Aizawa as he sat back down and looked smug. ‘Are all of those kids really alright? What’s been happening while I’ve been out?’

“Ah, well…” Aizawa trailed off, scratching at the scruff on his cheek and not quite looking at him. Hizashi didn’t like that. He really didn’t like that. “The kids are safe, but… Japan seems to be heralding the rise of the newest hero Present Mic.” Japan what now? “Apparently Present Mic is one of the most promising new heroes on the scene in a while.”

Aizawa looked back to him, expression softening to a smile as he gave a quiet laugh, “The kids were interviewed, and they promised to start a fan club for you. Oh, yeah, your hero ranking right now is 46, by the way.”

This time it took a lot longer for Hizashi to stop crying, Aizawa only smiling at him and mentioning little pieces of information from time to time as he tried to calm down. It wasn’t anything as big as being the number forty-six in all of Japan among heroes, but it was nice, little things.

Aizawa’s homeroom class had wanted to throw some kind of slumber party with the kids from other classes and had managed to break every window on the first floor. Shinsou had invented his own move with the binding cloth that Aizawa used as Eraserhead and then used it on him. Aizawa let him know he was equally annoyed and proud. Midnight, too, came up, Aizawa mentioning that she had been blowing up his phone every few hours asking for updates.

Overall, the man just kept talking. He sounded bored and tired as always, but he never let there be too long a moment of silence. It was enough to make Hizashi cry for a few minutes longer than he probably should have.

Finally, he got control of himself enough to start finger-spelling out Eraser, startled when Aizawa shook his head before Hizashi felt his heart almost stop when he heard the words, “Just call me Shouta.”

Hizashi stared, unable to even try to say anything because… He would really give Hizashi a gift like that? They had been villain and hero for so long and yet he would give Hizashi the gift of using his given name? Just like that?

“Oh, right, here’s how you sign it.” As with most sign languages, names were made up of different signs to give them a personalized feel and help distinguish them. Hizashi had to cover his mouth and fight not to laugh, though, because the signs Shouta used for his name were the signs for cat and sleep.

“Oi, oi, stop laughing,” Ai- Shouta complained, looking more amused than upset. “A student gave it to me a few years ago and I was too lazy to ever bother changing it, is all.”

‘More like you liked that student too much to bother changing it.’ The silence was an answer all its own, Hizashi supposed. ‘Fine, but you have to call me by my own name.’ Fingerspelling his name, first, Hizashi followed it up with his own personalized signs; the ones for microphone and sun.

“Hizashi, hm?” Shouta was grinning in a way that made it seem as if he knew something Hizashi didn’t, yet, and… Yamada Hizashi. The civilian barista who Eraserhead had saved and then helped home. That meant he knew- “Oh, before you try to panic again, I knew it was you that night I helped you with your shoulder.”

‘I knew it! I knew you were too smug about something that night!’ Hizashi had been worrying himself to death over that night and so of course Shouta had already known everything! That meant he was fully aware of who Hizashi was when he told him he could be a hero. He… He had known the entire time.

“Yeah. I knew.” Shouta knew all too well what he had been saying and who he had been saying it to and he still had believed every word of it. “Looks like I was right, though.”

Hizashi covered his mouth for a moment, remembering those quiet words of, “I have a feeling that you would be an amazing hero, Yamada.”

Trying not to cry, because he really had done far too much of that already, Hizashi instead dropped his hands and gave a small smile and carefully signed, ‘My cat’s name is Snowball, in case you forgot.’

“Mine is Jelly,” Shouta laughed, a warm and fond smile on his face. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Hizashi was so stupidly in love with this man. Half-ready to say as much, both paused when there was a knock on the door.

Hizashi swallowed as he saw it open to reveal an older man who was going gray and, after a second glance, showed he was no doubt the doctor for this ward. Hizashi was already bracing himself when he saw the man reach to the turn light on.

“Leave it off,” Shouta spoke up, startling the doctor and Hizashi both. “He has light sensitivity. What do you need?”

“Oh, Eraserhead, you’re still here. Good.” The doctor walked in and fluttered around the bed for a minute or two, checking on everything and jotting down notes in an annoyingly silent way until he was done. “Can I talk to you out in the hall for a moment?”

“Sure,” Shouta sighed, standing up with a little grumble, not moving away from Hizashi until the doctor was halfway back to the door. Hizashi appreciated it more than he could currently say, but he had a feeling Shouta already knew that. 

“Oh, and he’s supposed to still be handcuffed, you know.” Oh, right. Shouta had taken off the handcuffs earlier, hadn’t he? Jeez, here he was beat up and could hardly move and they were still worried about him and his quirk. “He may not be a threat at the moment, but for safety’s sake-”

“He’ll be good,” Shouta interrupted, Hizashi trying to figure out what sort of joke he could make before he felt fingers skimming along his jaw, tilting his gaze up to where he could meet Shouta’s, the man giving him a look that had him shivering, words drawled out low and quiet. “Won’t you?”

In that moment, Hizashi realized there was very little he wouldn’t be willing to do when Shouta asked him like that. He was quick to nod, flushing as Shouta ducked in to press lips against his temple, soft words near a whisper against his skin that sounded out a soft, “Good boy.”

A second later and Shouta was walking to the door, perfectly composed in parallel to the strangled wheezing sound Hizashi was making as he patted his cheeks, staring down at his blankets as the door was left cracked open.

He tried to gather his thoughts together because while he certainly hadn’t known he was into something like that, he was definitely into something like that. Right, right. Okay. He needed to focus. Actually, he should probably try to listen to what the doctor was saying to Shouta.

It took a bit of fiddling with his hearing aids, but with the door cracked Hizashi was at least able to make out that they were talking about his quirk, the words getting a bit louder when one of them bumped into the door and it opened a bit more.

“-this point it’s safe to say that there’s little doubt that he’s lost the ability to use his quirk.” Oh, they must have been talking about someone else. One of the villains he had fought, maybe? Hizashi wondered what had happened.

Shouta’s voice was harder to hear where he was so quiet, but Hizashi still managed to catch all of it, “There’s still a chance, though?”

“Well, there’s always a chance, Eraserhead, but realistically…” Damn, Hizashi almost felt sorry for whoever this was. “There’s also the matter of recovering his normal voice, as well. There’s a very real chance he might never be able to effectively speak again.”

Hizashi swallowed, slowly lifting a hand to trace at the bandages around his throat. Someone else must have hurt their throat at the fight, too, then. Hizashi wouldn’t be surprised. It had been a chaotic end.

He remembered that he himself had been pinned down and he remembered the shield falling. One of the villains, though, had a spike quirk and Hizashi remembered, just vaguely, feeling like he was being strangled before there had been such a sharp sting coming from his neck. It had hurt.

Even with how exhausted and painful everything was, it was that sharp, stinging pain from his neck that had hurt so much. Strangely enough, after that, it felt like he had been drowning, and he couldn’t tell if it was memory or imagination that made him ‘remember’ hearing Shouta screaming his name.

He had been strangled, then a sharp sting, and then the feeling of drowning, and then Shouta screaming his name… Hizashi felt the bandages around his neck again. They really were too thick just to cover up some bruises. It made more sense if they were covering up some sort of cut. Shouta said he had been in surgery, too. If his neck had been cut deep enough, then whoever they were talking about in the hallway could have been him. It wasn’t, though. It couldn’t. He was fine. He was fine.

“Hizashi…” Jolting at the quiet, pained sound of his name, Hizashi shuddered as he felt Shouta’s hand cupping his cheek and wiping away tears. It seemed Hizashi had been crying again. “How much did you hear?”

Ah, and there it was. Hizashi could lie to himself for as long as he wanted, but he had never quite been able to lie to Eraserhead; and Shouta he could never lie to. 

‘Who am I without my voice?’ He hated his voice and quirk more than anything in the world, some days, and he had spent so long running away from them, but it was who he was. He was the Voice Vi… Hero? The Voice… ‘Who am I without my quirk?’

His hands were shaking, but Hizashi couldn’t stop himself from trying to ask his questions. It wasn’t like he’d ever be able to speak his questions again, a fact that made everything hurt as he tried to take steady breaths through his tears. ‘Does that make me better, now, Shouta? Does it make it better now that I don’t have a quirk? That’s probably better, isn’t it? To be quirkless rather than to be a villain?’

It wasn’t fair, though. Hizashi hadn’t even gotten the chance to change before it was all over for him. ‘Maybe this is for the best, right? It’s probably better-’ Hizashi startled as his hands were grabbed and held softly, fingers linking with his before Hizashi felt lips nudge and press against his own, giving him a distraction that he didn’t hesitate to take.

This time Hizashi pressed back just as much Shouta, freeing his hands and wrapping them around Shouta’s shirt, tugging him closer, too scared to pull away and ask what this meant for them.

It was a lot longer before they pulled away this time, Hizashi still pathetically shaking and crying, breath hitching when he felt Shouta kiss at the tears still rolling down his cheeks. Hizashi didn’t even get to try and ask any other questions before Shouta was asking one himself, voice sounding as wrecked as Hizashi’s would if he could still speak.

“Go out with me?” Not even Hizashi could pretend Shouta meant that as anything than what it was. There was no way to confuse the fact that Shouta, even after all this, still wanted him.

Hizashi was near sobbing when he managed to bring his hands up to sign yes over and over until Shouta grabbed his hands and pulled him into a kiss that was harder than all the ones before it. It was rough, hard, utterly consuming, and impossible to think of anything else.

Hizashi couldn’t find it within him to do anything but press back, hands gripping at Shouta’s tight enough to no doubt leave bruises. That was okay, though. It was all okay. Hizashi didn’t need his hands or voice to speak to Shouta, after all.

He knew without a doubt, just like every other time before, Shouta heard him loud and clear.

[greengargouille]

A friend on Skype asked me how do I start my writing process. I thought I would do them an handy summary of how writing happens for me.

I - Finding Ideas

1) One do not find ideas. Ideas find you. Preferably while you’re very busy doing chores or homework or preparing for exams or work.

2) So, you’ve been found by an idea. Cry a lot in hopes it will leave so you can work on your priorities.

3) The idea didn’t leave. In fact, the idea seems rather interested in your tears. Renounce and write your idea to take it home.

II - Developing your idea.

1)  If you want to write, chances are that you already have multiples ideas. Please free your new idea among the others in a safe, restricted space.

2) Ideas that doesn’t like each others will try to ignore the other as long as nobody force them to be together. It’s fine. Sometimes, two ideas will get along very well, and you may develop sub-plots or an interesting world building. Most of the time, one idea will end up eating another or multiples one while you aren’t looking. This is fine ; a strong, well detailed idea is usually better than multiple weak ideas. 

(Note : Be wary that your new idea doesn’t disturb the sleepy ideas in hibernation, or you might end up with quite a load of work to ignore them !!)

3) You might decide not to work on an idea immediately. You might then be in need or a temporary idea-sitter. Talk to one of your friends (for fanfictions, preferably a friend of the corresponding fandom). Talk to them about your idea. Make them go ‘holy heck this is a great idea !!’. Your idea will them follow them, leaving you mostly alone.

4) Ideas will often find what to eat by themselves, no need to worry about that. However, be sure to leave a nice bowl of references to complete their diet !

III - Transforming your idea into a story.

1) Choose an idea you want to work with. Stare at it very deeply. Cry because it’s so cute/fluffy/sad/painful.

2) Open your favourite text editor, determined to shape that idea into a beautiful story.

3) You’re stuck on the first sentence. Cry a lot. Go work on another idea.

4) Get stuck on how to start shaping the other idea. Cry again. Look at your blank pages. Motivate yourself to write. End up doing a pause and juggling between tabs on unimportant and distracting stuff that you can quit after 5 minutes WT*

(*Writer’s Time. Equal to 3 real life hours.)

5) Come back to your first idea. Decide of a sentence.

6) It’s too weak. Cry. Erase it.

7) Decide instead to work on another moment of the idea. It might need you a few minutes to find the proper words, but once you started, the rest come pretty easily !!

8) Or not. You’re stuck on a sentence again. Cry a lot.

9) Drink water to rehydrate yourself of all that crying.

10) Decide to come back to your story tomorrow WT (approximatively two weeks*).

(*’What about deadlines ?” Buddy. This is my own way to do. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to work with deadlines.) 11) Look at your story. Get pumped up for writing. Edit what you’ve already made. You ends up rewriting half the text and see your word count diminish. Cry again. 

12) Write and edit, cry, write and cry, edit. Over and over. Don’t forget that your story might still need references even while growing.

13) You’ve finally finished !! And then you remembered you only wrote starting from the middle and you still need the first part. Cry a lot.

14) ...Actually, no, I don’t know how to continue. Luck, maybe. Try that.

IV - Presenting your story to everyone

1) You’ve finished your story ! Time to give it a name. Or multiple names if it’s multi-chaptered. Awn, don’t cry, it’s almost over. A good tip is to chose a theme or object with strong importance to the story.

2) If you’re presenting your story on the Internet, you might need to tag it. Theme and Audiences are always appreciated as well as warnings in case your story is of the bitting type. For fanfics, put the name of the fandoms and the main characters and ships, but beware - if a character only have a few, irrelevant sentences, it’s just better to not tag it.

3) Your idea is so beautiful. Look at it. Cry a little.

4) Nobody is looking at your idea. Cry a lot. You wasted a perfectly good idea. Or maybe the idea wasn’t that great.

5) Wait, are those... Views ? Hits ? People are really reading it ?! Maybe the original idea is, in fact, good ?

6) If you’re writing original fiction, or you’re writing for a rare pair, a background character or a dead fandom, your idea might not get lot of interest. It’s ok. It’s fine. You had fun, didn’t you ?

7) Screw this. Cry because nobody is leaving your reviews or comments.

8) Your story is free now, it will go live its’ life. Unless it’s an on-going multi-chaptered stories, but as I said, buddy, this is my way of doing things and can’t say I’ve done much in multichapters. Anyways, you might see your story sometimes, just in passing as someone try to approach it because it looks fun. Maybe you will see other stories that look like it, probably inspired by it. Unless it really is your idea, an ill, poor clone. Don’t forget to contact your neighbourhood if that’s the case. 

9) It might happens that one of your artist friends come to you with an idea looking surprisingly familiar. They say your story gave birth in their garden. Look fondly at the newborn idea as it licks the tears of his crying owner who don’t know what to do with it. It’s up to you whether you want to help him or not. Don’t forget to offer tissues.

[nurseresident-blog]

How to prepare for the dreaded NCLEX...

In nursing school, you are preparing to become a nurse.  You are learning how to become a critical thinker, you are learning how to perform both basic and complex skills, you are learning how to care for the sickest of patients.  However, you are also preparing for the NCLEX at the same time, because that is what you need to take in order to become a Registered Nurse.  So I made a list of questions that I had when I was preparing for the NCLEX.  If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask and I will try my best to answer them! 

1. What is the NCLEX? 

The NCLEX exam, also known as the National Council Licensure Examination, is a standardized exam that each State Board of Nursing uses to determine whether or not a candidate is prepared and safe enough to practice nursing at an entry-level. Before you are able to sit for the NCLEX, your first step is to successfully complete an accredited nursing degree (either Associate’s or Bachelor’s). 

2. How do you sign up for the NCLEX? What is the process? 

This varies by state so I can only give you the overall process. Most schools will walk you through the process as well, which is nice.  Before you graduate, you can apply to your State Board of Nursing and complete any requirements such as fingerprints, a background check, or any other paperwork before graduation.  I would suggest you apply and complete your requirements as soon as you can because sometimes the State Board of Nursing can get backed up when a large influx of applications come in. Once you graduate from an accredited nursing school, the College of Nursing will send your completed degrees to the registrar office to be awarded.  Once your degrees are awarded, the College of Nursing will send your awarded degrees to the State Board of Nursing.  From then, the State Board of Nursing will receive everything and determine if you are qualified to sit for the exam.  Once the State Board of Nursing determines you are qualified, they will send you your Authorization To Test (also known as ATT).  Your ATT will let you schedule yourself to take the NCLEX.  You are able to take the NCLEX at any Pearson Testing Center.  For instance, if you applied to be registered in the state Florida, you can travel to Georiga to take the exam even though you will be registered in Florida.  I personally applied to be registered in Pennslyvania, but I took the exam in Florida.   

3. How many questions are there? 

The minimum amount of questions you can have is 75.  The maximum amount of questions you can have is 265.  However, you can have any amount of questions in between that.  My computer didn’t shut off until question 95.  The NCLEX is a computer adaptive test, so that means it will keep going until it feels that you have passed or failed.  There is a standard that you must be above to pass (the line is used to measure minimum competency allowed for you to safely practice).  If you are clearly above the passing standard at this time, you will pass; likewise, if you are clearly below the standard you will fail. If you are too close to the standard to allow a definitive result to be determined, you will continue to answer questions until a final assessment can be made.

4. What are the types of questions on the NCLEX?

In the past, all NCLEX questions were multiple choice. Although many are still of the multiple-choice type, a lot of questions are now in a different format. However, a good amount of the questions continue to be multiple choice. Questions come in three levels. Level 1 is general knowledge and generally delivered as multiple choice. Level 2 is on analysis and application, which may or may not be multiple choice. Level 3 questions are the hardest of all and require you to apply facts, processes, and rules in order to answer them. Often, these questions are open questions. Around 90% of the exam is made up of level 2 and 3 questions.

The types of questions you could possibly have on the NCLEX are: 

Multiple Choice 

Select All That Apply: Think “true or false”

The select-all type questions are pretty self-explanatory: They include more than one answer in the same question, usually with five possible options. When you read through them, it’s best to consider each answer as either true and false, with the true options being the correct answers. Here’s the tricky thing: With these types of questions, you get all or no points. No partial credit is given if you choose only some of the correct answers. That may seem daunting and even frustrating, so remember to take your time. Make sure to review several select-all questions as you study, so you’re familiar with and prepared for the format. Many students find these to be the most difficult questions, which means it can get easier from here.

Ordered Response: Order everything

Ordered response questions are those that require you to place the answer options in the correct order using the drag and drop method with the computer mouse. There’s nothing wrong here, but there is only one right order from start to finish. Whatever the scenario of the question, you’ll use all of the options and rank them in the correct order as directed.

Fill-in-the-Blank: Study up on your calculations

Fill-in-the-blank formats may seem intimidating, because you won’t have any answer in front of you, but with the right studying you’ll know exactly how to find it. These questions are often used for calculations of medication dosage, IV drip rates, intake and output, and due dates for pregnant women (using the first day of their last menstrual period as a guide). As long as you study and know how to do these and similar calculations, you’ll be fine.

Hot Spots: Pay attention to specific areas

Hot spot questions are often used with pictures of a body part. You’ll be asked to use the mouse to click on the specific area indicated in the question’s scenario. For instance, you may be asked the best place to auscultate the apical heart rate. You would then click on the correct place on the picture of the chest.

Exhibits/Chart: Remember how to interpret (and use) bedside charts

Exhibits/Chart questions include tabs that, when clicked on with the mouse, will give you more information about the client, similar to a bedside chart. There may be several tabs to open to reveal the information needed to answer the question. You’ll use this information to guide you toward the correct answer.

Graphic: Think in pictures, not words

Graphic questions use graphics (e.g., pictures, diagrams, heart rhythm tracings) instead of words as answer options. For instance, you may be asked to identify the heart rhythm that requires the most rapid action by the nurse, and would then choose from four different illustrations of rhythms. Or, you may be told that your laboring client is having back pain so you would need to choose a picture of the best position to relieve this client’s pain.

Audio: Listen close for answer clues

Audio questions will require the use of headphones to listen to an audio clip of information. This may include heart sounds, lung sounds, or client speech patterns. You’ll then be asked to interpret what you hear or make a decision for care based on what you hear. Take your time, and listen closely. You’re allowed to replay the audio if needed.

5. What are the topics on the NCLEX? 

The content of the NCLEX-RN is organized into four major Client Needs categories. Two of the four categories are divided into subcategories: 

Safe and Effective Care Environment

Management of Care

Safety and Infection Control 

Health Promotion and Maintenance

Psychosocial Integrity

Physiological Integrity

Basic Care and Comfort

Pharmacological and Parenteral Therapies „ 

Reduction of Risk Potential

Physiological Adaptation

All of the questions asked on the NCLEX will be related to these topics. 

5. How many practice questions should I take? 

Personally, I answered about 2,500 practice questions.  However, everyone studies differently.  Some people I know practiced way less and some people I know practiced way more than I did.  It is recommended that you practice as many questions as you can in order for you to feel comfortable.  

6. What are the best study materials? 

Here is a list of the best NCLEX study materials: 

Saunder’s Comprehensive Review for NCLEX-RN Examination

Organized in 20 units and 77 chapters, the book offers detailed reviews of all of the nursing content areas that are relevant for the NCLEX-RN. Equally important is the guide’s provision of practice questions: Each chapter includes targeted multiple choice and alternate item review questions and there is a comprehensive test covering all subject areas in the book’s final unit. Every question is accompanied by detailed answers and explanations. Furthermore, as part of these explanations, the book also provides helpful test-taking tips and strategies on how to tackle the various types of questions

Saunder’s Q & A for the NCLEX-RN Examination

Now offering more than 6,000 test questions, the guide provides an excellent source for garnering practice with NCLEX-RN type questions.  Practice, after all, is often the difference between a passing and a failing score, and this book makes sure that you will get that much-needed practice.

Kaplan’s NCLEX-RN Premier 2017

The book offers a full-length NCLEX practice test as well as an answer key and detailed explanations for all the answers.  In addition, it offers access to a second NCLEX practice test online.  Exam-style questions broken down by each of the sections of the NCLEX-RN test, DVD video tutorials, and mobile study resources are also provided.  Further bonuses include a guide on becoming licensed, tips for taking the test after previously failing it, and a guide for international nurses.

Prioritization, Delegation, and Assignment: Practice Exercises for NCLEX

To this end, the guide provides focused content review, case studies, and challenging practice questions – complete with detailed answers – that mirror the various types of questions that you may encounter on the actual exam. Especially noteworthy is this book’s effective threefold organization, which progresses from foundational skills review to application of those skills, to extension of complex patient/health scenarios.

UWorld

UWorld’s NCLEX prep includes over 1900 challenging questions, 30% select-all-that-apply (SATA) and alternate items, Includes two (2) 75-question self-assessments with NCLEX readiness predictor, detailed rationales for correct and incorrect options, and multiple concepts per question to reduce preparation time.  

7. One last piece of advice... 

When studying, I often became overwhelmed, just thinking of how much information there was and how much I could realistically cover. It is then, during moments of panic, that you should take a step back, have a snack, breathe in some fresh air, and take your mind off nursing for a brief period. Go take a walk, go out to eat with some friends, go do something fun.  Go do anything to get your mind off studying, even if it’s just for 30 minutes.  Anytime you catch your mind wandering or having to constantly re-read you should take a break because you aren't retaining anything at this time. 

Remain positive and confident during the whole process.  Realizing that you are so much smarter than you think will help to build your test-taking confidence tremendously.  Try not to psych yourself out, because it will only lead to downfall.  

Spend the day before, and the morning of, doing something for your mental health. Relax and try your best to keep any thoughts of NCLEX out of your head, at this point you know everything you need to in order to pass, you just have to be mentally prepared. For myself, I used copious amounts of lavender oil to help reduce my anxiety and to help me sleep well the night before. I also took a bottle of lavender oil to the testing facility, which I never needed because I wasn’t there long enough to need a break, but it was a nice comforter. 

Lastly, go into the testing center with a smile on your face, tell yourself that you ARE smart enough, and you WILL pass the NCLEX. 

If you would like more information about the NCLEX-RN, visit https://www.ncsbn.org/nclex-faqs.htm for more information! 

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

[symbianosgames]

Games Have Too Many Words: A Case Study.

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

In this chapter, I unwisely critique the work of my betters.

I recently wrote an article about how video games have too many words. We designers don't properly edit our writing to make sure our words are worth a player’s time reading them.

I want to do a case study where I go through a wordy game, step-by-step, and show what it's doing right and wrong and how it could be doing better. Most game criticism frustrates me. It tends to deal with generalities and floaty ideas, instead of dirtying its hands with specifics that could actually help make for better games. This is my chance to egotistically provide a different approach.

This breakdown will be long and gritty, but I'll try to include a lot of solid pointers. I'll throw in some jokes along the way.

The Subject

Let's look at the very beginning of Pillars of Eternity, developed by Obsidian and released in 2015. This game was a huge hit, critically and financially, taking advantage of a shortage of quality Baldur's Gate-style, gritty, isometric-view, story-heavy titles.

I really wanted a game like that, so I bought it. I finished it in a little over 20 hours. The combat was fine, though really chaotic and hard to follow. (The best description I read was "clusterf***y".) The story was OK, but the game is loaded with words, many of them written by Kickstarter backers. I ended up getting through all the conversations in the back third of the game by typing the '1' key as fast as I could.

I did play Pillars until the end, which is rare for me. Overall, it was pretty good. It made a lot of money, and the crowdfunding for the sequel is doing quite well.

I don't usually like being negative about the work of other sincere, industrious creators. Luckily this game got enough cash and acclaim that its creators can comfortably ignore the nattering of a non-entity like me.

This is how I picture the devs of Pillars of Eternity. They walk everywhere with big clip art watermarks floating over their chests.

"So What's Your Complaint?"

Too many words.

Pillars of Eternity wants to have a really elaborate world and story, which is fine. It wants to have a creative game system, with new, innovative sorts of character classes and spells, which is great.

However, it doesn't do a good job of communicating stuff to the player, because there's no editing and care in giving out information. The game just floods the player with text, important bits buried in gushes of irrelevant detail, practically training the player to think that the words aren't really important. (Again, I played a huge chunk of the game without reading anything but the quest log.)

To illustrate this, I'm going to go, step by step, through the introduction and character creation, the stuff anyone who tries the game is sure to see. Let's see what the game thinks is worth the player's time and how good a job it does splitting up vital knowledge from static.

"So What? You're Just Scared of Words, You Sub-Literate?"

No, I have a problem with the pacing. The human brain can only absorb so many random facts about game systems and lore at one sitting. This stuff needs to be carefully paced out, or it'll just slide off of the brain.

But character creation in this game floods the player with tons of facts, both about the game and the world. I came out of it feeling numb and confused, and almost none of it stuck.

So. You start the game. You pick your difficulty. And then you begin the eleven (!!!) steps of character creation.

I. Introduction.

A pretty graphic and some basic text saying what is going on (you're on a caravan going to some fantasy town, you feel sick), read by an old guy. About 140 words. It's fine.

II. Pick Your Sex

And now the troubles begin. You need to choose whether you are male or female. Here's a description:

Describing the sexes is about 160 words total. But look, it mentions a bunch of different countries. Let's mouse over one of them and see what their deal is.

Yikes! That's a lot of words. All the descriptions together are about 330 words, much of it references to random game locations the player has no knowledge of. "Ein Glanfath" "Dyrwood" "Glanfathan" "Ixamitl" "Naasitaq" How can anyone get anything coherent from this tangle? This is literally the second thing the game shows you.

Seriously, try this: Read the description of "Eir Glanfath" above. Then close your eyes and count to ten. Then say everything you recall about Eir Glanfath. I'll bet you retained very little. And that's setting aside whether this stuff is actually necessary to play the game. (Not really.)

And, worse, it's all irrelevant to the actual choice the player has to make, because the vast majority of players will know whether they want to play a man or a woman before they even launch the game. If a woman only ever plays female characters, telling her, "The men of the Derpaderp Tribe of Sirius XII are in charge of all of their basket-weaving!" isn't going to turn her head around.

My Friendly Suggestion - Go through all these random facts and see if there are one or two of them the player MUST know. Pluck them out and put them in the Introduction. Cram the rest of the lore in books the player finds in the game world. Then make Male/Female be a toggle in the next screen.

III. Pick Your Race

OK, we're into solid fantasy RPG territory now. Here are six races to choose from:

You've never heard of three of the races. This is good. Pillars's desire to create new, weird things is one of its good points. Each race has about fifty words of description:

Now, this is a description of a "dwarf." But, if you have even the slightest familiarity with fantasy, you know what we're talking about here: Standard-issue, Tolkein dwarves. Short. Stocky. Like digging holes, gold, and ale. Grumpy. Scottish accents. We get it. All you need to say here is, "Strong, durable, great warriors."

For each of the races, the description mainly says the lands they live in. Let's be clear. This is useless information. If I tell you dwarves come from New Jersey, whether or not you've heard of New Jersey, this tells you nothing about whether you want to be a dwarf in your adolescent power fantasy.

It's a total cliche to say, "Show, Don't Tell," but this is a PERFECT example of why this is a key concept in writing. If I say, "Dwarves come from New Jersey," and you've never even heard of New Jersey (or dwarves), you won't care. But if you go to New Jersey, look around, and see nothing but dwarves, you'll instantly be all, "Oh, I get it! I'm in Dwarfland!"

But it gets trickier. This is the first choice you make that has actual impact on the gameplay. There are six statistics in the game, and your race affects what you start with. Each statistic description is 50 more words. Let's take a look at one:

What "Might" means is important information. The player needs this. This text needs to be punchy and clear. Something like, "Improves damage from all attacks. Gives a bonus when healing. Helps intimidate people in conversation."

And this description does that, but messily and with lots of extra words. Pillars tries to do a lot of things differently from other RPGs, so it needs to be extra-clear about the surprising stuff. Having the strength skill also improve spells and healing is neat, but it's also really unusual. ("Dwarves are better wizards? Wut!?")

My Friendly Suggestion - Editing pass. Shorter and clearer. Ask, "Why does the player need to know this?" If you don't have a good answer, save this lore for much later.

IV. Pick your Sub-Race

This is where the seriously over-designed quality of Pillars starts to show up. Picking a race isn't enough. You have to pick your sub-race:

So about 160 words (not counting rollover text), to learn about the woods dwarves and the mountain dwarves:

None of this lore has anything to do with the actual game.

What bugs me here is that this choice has gameplay significance. One choice gives you resistance to Poison and Disease (though you have no idea how serious these conditions are or how often they appear in the game), and one gives you a bonus against "Wilder" and "Primordial" creatures (though you have no idea what on Earth those are, let alone how often they show up in the game).

Giving a player seemingly high-impact decisions with no ability to tell which one is correct is stressful and confusing.

My Friendly Suggestion - Ditch sub-races. Instead, give Dwarves BOTH of these bonuses. This creates more distinction between the races and getting multiple bonuses helps the player feel more powerful instead of confused and stressed.

"Cutting Out Lore? What Is Your Problem With Lore In Games, You Jerk?"

Lore in games is great, as long is it's not thrown at the player too quickly and without any gameplay context that makes it mean something.

If you love lore, I want you to get lore, but in a way that spares the people who find huge dumps of it grueling. There are ways to make everyone happy!

Anyway, let's keep going. There's a LOT more screens to go.

V. Pick Your Class

Hokay! At last, this is the big one! This makes a huge difference in your play experience. Here are your eleven choices:

One of the coolest things about Pillars is that they tried to make some weird classes unlike anything in other games. The cost of creativity, however, is that you have to be extra-careful when explaining to the player the weird stuff they've never seen before.

When I started the game, my eyes were instantly drawn to "Cipher". That sounds neat! And here is the description ...

Yikes.

The main description of the class is four long sentences, but only the second sentence actually says much about what the class does. Then a very vague description of the powers, which involve something vitally important called a "Soul Whip," with no explanation of what that actually is. Then a bunch of algebra.

That's about 120 words, for one class. You have to go through all of it to get a vague idea of how the class plays. The other ten class descriptions are comparably complex.

This is just too much stuff to muck through, too early, for a choice so important to the play experience. Bear in mind that we are still less than halfway to actually playing a game.

My Friendly Suggestion - For each class, only show the stat bonuses and two or three carefully written sentences describing what it's like. Move all the weird lore and mathematical formulae to a different tab that can be opened by those who care. When the player starts using the class in the game, bring up some tutorial windows saying the key details of how to actually use it, like what a "Soul Whip" is.

VI. Pick Your Class Details.

If you're a priest, you have to pick your god. If you're a caster, you have to select a spell or two from the starting list. For the Cipher, the list looks like this ...

The spell descriptions look like this ...

Again, a ton of reading, referring to statistics, distances, statuses, damage amounts, damage types, etc. that mean nothing because you've never actually played the game.

My Friendly Suggestion - Lose this screen entirely. Pick one basic, useful ability (the best one) and give it to the character automatically to get through the tutorial. Then, after the first bunch of fights, have the player meet a trainer and be able to choose new abilities in an informed way.

VII. Edit Your Character Attributes.

Figure out how many points of Strength, Constitution, etc. you have. The game, to its credit, says which ones are most important for your class. Standard RPG fare.

VIII. Pick Your Culture

IF YOU'RE JUST SPEED-SCROLLING THROUGH THIS ARTICLE, STOP HERE AND READ THIS!!!!

Yeah, I know you aren't reading all of this. This post is wayyyyy too long and gritty and nit-picky and tedious. But reading this article takes much less time than actually picking through all of these windows in the game. Which is too long. That is my main point. Now scroll to the end and call me an idiot in comments.

Anyway, yeah, pick some country you're from ...

Each of the 7 contures has about 70 words of description.

None of this has anything to do with playing the game.

This is the most unnecessary step in the whole process. When making an RPG character, you need to build two things: Its stats/abilities and its personality.

Knowing your character is from "The White that Wends" tells you nothing about its abilities, and it's a lousy way to determine his or her personality. If you read the description of "The White that Wends," and learn that people from there are mean and selfish, that's still not the way you want to player to create a mean, selfish character. You do that by giving play options in the game that are mean and selfish and letting the player pick them. Show, don't tell.

My Friendly Suggestion - Lose it entirely.

IX. Pick Your Background.

Choose from one of nine backgrounds.

The main thing this affects is that, every once in a while, it will open up a new dialogue option. This never makes a big difference.

My Friendly Suggestion - There's a real lost opportunity here. Once again, "Show, Don't Tell." Instead of having me declare that my character is a Slave or Aristocrat or whatever, why not, once you’re in the game, make every conversation option for all of these different nine backgrounds available to me when the game starts.

Then, if I keep making the "Aristocrat" pick, start removing the other options, so that I end up always talking like an Aristocrat. Then my character's personality emerges organically from the sort of dialogue choices I make in the actual game.

X. Choose Appearance and Voice.

Standard appearance editor and list of different voices. It's fine.

XI. Choose Your Name.

Gladly.

XII. The Game.

And, finally, the games starts with the tutorial. Which begins with a long conversation. Which I barely pay attention to, because my stupid brain is tired.

It's all way too much. Too many words, too many irrelevant choices, exhausting when it should be informative. Not that they will listen to me, but it might be an improvement to look for in Pillars of Eternity 2, because the market is not what it was in 2015.

"But Who Cares? The Game Was a Hit, Right?"

The real test of how good a game it is, is not how it sells, but how much its sequel sells. And it is entirely fair to ask what business a pissant like me has criticizing a hit game written by a bunch of big names.

Let's leave behind the idea of craftsmanship and a desire to always keep improving our work.

Lately, sequels to hit RPGs have been selling far worse than their predecessors. Obsidian's successor to Pillars, Tyranny, by their own words, underperformed.

Also, I looked at the Steam achievement statistics for Pillars of Eternity. According to those, fewer than half of players finished the first chapter. Only about 10% of players completed the game.

Now granted, this is not unusual. Most games remain unfinished. But that still invites this question: If the vast majority of players didn't want to experience the Pillars of Eternity they already paid for, why think that they will want to buy more?

Everyone should keep improving, if just for their survival in this mercilessly competitive business.

Video games are a new art form, and there is still so much we have to figure out. That's the terrifying and awesome thing about making them. And now, having already written way too many words, I will take my own advice and cease.

###

The author sells his own flawed, wordy, old-school RPGs at Spiderweb Software. He opines on Twitter.

[symbianosgames]

Games Have Too Many Words: A Case Study.

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

In this chapter, I unwisely critique the work of my betters.

I recently wrote an article about how video games have too many words. We designers don't properly edit our writing to make sure our words are worth a player’s time reading them.

I want to do a case study where I go through a wordy game, step-by-step, and show what it's doing right and wrong and how it could be doing better. Most game criticism frustrates me. It tends to deal with generalities and floaty ideas, instead of dirtying its hands with specifics that could actually help make for better games. This is my chance to egotistically provide a different approach.

This breakdown will be long and gritty, but I'll try to include a lot of solid pointers. I'll throw in some jokes along the way.

The Subject

Let's look at the very beginning of Pillars of Eternity, developed by Obsidian and released in 2015. This game was a huge hit, critically and financially, taking advantage of a shortage of quality Baldur's Gate-style, gritty, isometric-view, story-heavy titles.

I really wanted a game like that, so I bought it. I finished it in a little over 20 hours. The combat was fine, though really chaotic and hard to follow. (The best description I read was "clusterf***y".) The story was OK, but the game is loaded with words, many of them written by Kickstarter backers. I ended up getting through all the conversations in the back third of the game by typing the '1' key as fast as I could.

I did play Pillars until the end, which is rare for me. Overall, it was pretty good. It made a lot of money, and the crowdfunding for the sequel is doing quite well.

I don't usually like being negative about the work of other sincere, industrious creators. Luckily this game got enough cash and acclaim that its creators can comfortably ignore the nattering of a non-entity like me.

This is how I picture the devs of Pillars of Eternity. They walk everywhere with big clip art watermarks floating over their chests.

"So What's Your Complaint?"

Too many words.

Pillars of Eternity wants to have a really elaborate world and story, which is fine. It wants to have a creative game system, with new, innovative sorts of character classes and spells, which is great.

However, it doesn't do a good job of communicating stuff to the player, because there's no editing and care in giving out information. The game just floods the player with text, important bits buried in gushes of irrelevant detail, practically training the player to think that the words aren't really important. (Again, I played a huge chunk of the game without reading anything but the quest log.)

To illustrate this, I'm going to go, step by step, through the introduction and character creation, the stuff anyone who tries the game is sure to see. Let's see what the game thinks is worth the player's time and how good a job it does splitting up vital knowledge from static.

"So What? You're Just Scared of Words, You Sub-Literate?"

No, I have a problem with the pacing. The human brain can only absorb so many random facts about game systems and lore at one sitting. This stuff needs to be carefully paced out, or it'll just slide off of the brain.

But character creation in this game floods the player with tons of facts, both about the game and the world. I came out of it feeling numb and confused, and almost none of it stuck.

So. You start the game. You pick your difficulty. And then you begin the eleven (!!!) steps of character creation.

I. Introduction.

A pretty graphic and some basic text saying what is going on (you're on a caravan going to some fantasy town, you feel sick), read by an old guy. About 140 words. It's fine.

II. Pick Your Sex

And now the troubles begin. You need to choose whether you are male or female. Here's a description:

Describing the sexes is about 160 words total. But look, it mentions a bunch of different countries. Let's mouse over one of them and see what their deal is.

Yikes! That's a lot of words. All the descriptions together are about 330 words, much of it references to random game locations the player has no knowledge of. "Ein Glanfath" "Dyrwood" "Glanfathan" "Ixamitl" "Naasitaq" How can anyone get anything coherent from this tangle? This is literally the second thing the game shows you.

Seriously, try this: Read the description of "Eir Glanfath" above. Then close your eyes and count to ten. Then say everything you recall about Eir Glanfath. I'll bet you retained very little. And that's setting aside whether this stuff is actually necessary to play the game. (Not really.)

And, worse, it's all irrelevant to the actual choice the player has to make, because the vast majority of players will know whether they want to play a man or a woman before they even launch the game. If a woman only ever plays female characters, telling her, "The men of the Derpaderp Tribe of Sirius XII are in charge of all of their basket-weaving!" isn't going to turn her head around.

My Friendly Suggestion - Go through all these random facts and see if there are one or two of them the player MUST know. Pluck them out and put them in the Introduction. Cram the rest of the lore in books the player finds in the game world. Then make Male/Female be a toggle in the next screen.

III. Pick Your Race

OK, we're into solid fantasy RPG territory now. Here are six races to choose from:

You've never heard of three of the races. This is good. Pillars's desire to create new, weird things is one of its good points. Each race has about fifty words of description:

Now, this is a description of a "dwarf." But, if you have even the slightest familiarity with fantasy, you know what we're talking about here: Standard-issue, Tolkein dwarves. Short. Stocky. Like digging holes, gold, and ale. Grumpy. Scottish accents. We get it. All you need to say here is, "Strong, durable, great warriors."

For each of the races, the description mainly says the lands they live in. Let's be clear. This is useless information. If I tell you dwarves come from New Jersey, whether or not you've heard of New Jersey, this tells you nothing about whether you want to be a dwarf in your adolescent power fantasy.

It's a total cliche to say, "Show, Don't Tell," but this is a PERFECT example of why this is a key concept in writing. If I say, "Dwarves come from New Jersey," and you've never even heard of New Jersey (or dwarves), you won't care. But if you go to New Jersey, look around, and see nothing but dwarves, you'll instantly be all, "Oh, I get it! I'm in Dwarfland!"

But it gets trickier. This is the first choice you make that has actual impact on the gameplay. There are six statistics in the game, and your race affects what you start with. Each statistic description is 50 more words. Let's take a look at one:

What "Might" means is important information. The player needs this. This text needs to be punchy and clear. Something like, "Improves damage from all attacks. Gives a bonus when healing. Helps intimidate people in conversation."

And this description does that, but messily and with lots of extra words. Pillars tries to do a lot of things differently from other RPGs, so it needs to be extra-clear about the surprising stuff. Having the strength skill also improve spells and healing is neat, but it's also really unusual. ("Dwarves are better wizards? Wut!?")

My Friendly Suggestion - Editing pass. Shorter and clearer. Ask, "Why does the player need to know this?" If you don't have a good answer, save this lore for much later.

IV. Pick your Sub-Race

This is where the seriously over-designed quality of Pillars starts to show up. Picking a race isn't enough. You have to pick your sub-race:

So about 160 words (not counting rollover text), to learn about the woods dwarves and the mountain dwarves:

None of this lore has anything to do with the actual game.

What bugs me here is that this choice has gameplay significance. One choice gives you resistance to Poison and Disease (though you have no idea how serious these conditions are or how often they appear in the game), and one gives you a bonus against "Wilder" and "Primordial" creatures (though you have no idea what on Earth those are, let alone how often they show up in the game).

Giving a player seemingly high-impact decisions with no ability to tell which one is correct is stressful and confusing.

My Friendly Suggestion - Ditch sub-races. Instead, give Dwarves BOTH of these bonuses. This creates more distinction between the races and getting multiple bonuses helps the player feel more powerful instead of confused and stressed.

"Cutting Out Lore? What Is Your Problem With Lore In Games, You Jerk?"

Lore in games is great, as long is it's not thrown at the player too quickly and without any gameplay context that makes it mean something.

If you love lore, I want you to get lore, but in a way that spares the people who find huge dumps of it grueling. There are ways to make everyone happy!

Anyway, let's keep going. There's a LOT more screens to go.

V. Pick Your Class

Hokay! At last, this is the big one! This makes a huge difference in your play experience. Here are your eleven choices:

One of the coolest things about Pillars is that they tried to make some weird classes unlike anything in other games. The cost of creativity, however, is that you have to be extra-careful when explaining to the player the weird stuff they've never seen before.

When I started the game, my eyes were instantly drawn to "Cipher". That sounds neat! And here is the description ...

Yikes.

The main description of the class is four long sentences, but only the second sentence actually says much about what the class does. Then a very vague description of the powers, which involve something vitally important called a "Soul Whip," with no explanation of what that actually is. Then a bunch of algebra.

That's about 120 words, for one class. You have to go through all of it to get a vague idea of how the class plays. The other ten class descriptions are comparably complex.

This is just too much stuff to muck through, too early, for a choice so important to the play experience. Bear in mind that we are still less than halfway to actually playing a game.

My Friendly Suggestion - For each class, only show the stat bonuses and two or three carefully written sentences describing what it's like. Move all the weird lore and mathematical formulae to a different tab that can be opened by those who care. When the player starts using the class in the game, bring up some tutorial windows saying the key details of how to actually use it, like what a "Soul Whip" is.

VI. Pick Your Class Details.

If you're a priest, you have to pick your god. If you're a caster, you have to select a spell or two from the starting list. For the Cipher, the list looks like this ...

The spell descriptions look like this ...

Again, a ton of reading, referring to statistics, distances, statuses, damage amounts, damage types, etc. that mean nothing because you've never actually played the game.

My Friendly Suggestion - Lose this screen entirely. Pick one basic, useful ability (the best one) and give it to the character automatically to get through the tutorial. Then, after the first bunch of fights, have the player meet a trainer and be able to choose new abilities in an informed way.

VII. Edit Your Character Attributes.

Figure out how many points of Strength, Constitution, etc. you have. The game, to its credit, says which ones are most important for your class. Standard RPG fare.

VIII. Pick Your Culture

IF YOU'RE JUST SPEED-SCROLLING THROUGH THIS ARTICLE, STOP HERE AND READ THIS!!!!

Yeah, I know you aren't reading all of this. This post is wayyyyy too long and gritty and nit-picky and tedious. But reading this article takes much less time than actually picking through all of these windows in the game. Which is too long. That is my main point. Now scroll to the end and call me an idiot in comments.

Anyway, yeah, pick some country you're from ...

Each of the 7 contures has about 70 words of description.

None of this has anything to do with playing the game.

This is the most unnecessary step in the whole process. When making an RPG character, you need to build two things: Its stats/abilities and its personality.

Knowing your character is from "The White that Wends" tells you nothing about its abilities, and it's a lousy way to determine his or her personality. If you read the description of "The White that Wends," and learn that people from there are mean and selfish, that's still not the way you want to player to create a mean, selfish character. You do that by giving play options in the game that are mean and selfish and letting the player pick them. Show, don't tell.

My Friendly Suggestion - Lose it entirely.

IX. Pick Your Background.

Choose from one of nine backgrounds.

The main thing this affects is that, every once in a while, it will open up a new dialogue option. This never makes a big difference.

My Friendly Suggestion - There's a real lost opportunity here. Once again, "Show, Don't Tell." Instead of having me declare that my character is a Slave or Aristocrat or whatever, why not, once you’re in the game, make every conversation option for all of these different nine backgrounds available to me when the game starts.

Then, if I keep making the "Aristocrat" pick, start removing the other options, so that I end up always talking like an Aristocrat. Then my character's personality emerges organically from the sort of dialogue choices I make in the actual game.

X. Choose Appearance and Voice.

Standard appearance editor and list of different voices. It's fine.

XI. Choose Your Name.

Gladly.

XII. The Game.

And, finally, the games starts with the tutorial. Which begins with a long conversation. Which I barely pay attention to, because my stupid brain is tired.

It's all way too much. Too many words, too many irrelevant choices, exhausting when it should be informative. Not that they will listen to me, but it might be an improvement to look for in Pillars of Eternity 2, because the market is not what it was in 2015.

"But Who Cares? The Game Was a Hit, Right?"

The real test of how good a game it is, is not how it sells, but how much its sequel sells. And it is entirely fair to ask what business a pissant like me has criticizing a hit game written by a bunch of big names.

Let's leave behind the idea of craftsmanship and a desire to always keep improving our work.

Lately, sequels to hit RPGs have been selling far worse than their predecessors. Obsidian's successor to Pillars, Tyranny, by their own words, underperformed.

Also, I looked at the Steam achievement statistics for Pillars of Eternity. According to those, fewer than half of players finished the first chapter. Only about 10% of players completed the game.

Now granted, this is not unusual. Most games remain unfinished. But that still invites this question: If the vast majority of players didn't want to experience the Pillars of Eternity they already paid for, why think that they will want to buy more?

Everyone should keep improving, if just for their survival in this mercilessly competitive business.

Video games are a new art form, and there is still so much we have to figure out. That's the terrifying and awesome thing about making them. And now, having already written way too many words, I will take my own advice and cease.

###

The author sells his own flawed, wordy, old-school RPGs at Spiderweb Software. He opines on Twitter.