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ssahotchhner · 4 years ago

Text

don’t trust cops

Hi, I didn’t really proofread this so I’m sorry if there’s any mistakes! This is a oneshot, there won’t be any follow up. Basic synopsis is that Hotch suspects that the reader is in an abusive relationship.

pairing: hotch x reader

words: 5.2k

warnings: guns, intimate partner violence, verbal abuse, cursing

questions, comments, concerns

At first, there were little signs. Things Aaron brushed off as him always looking for the bad guy. You would show up to work with bruises on your arms or legs and claim you got them in the field. When you were watching an interrogation, if someone raised their voice you almost always flinched. The bags under your eyes had gotten darker, as if you weren’t sleeping. You were more attached to your phone than anyone could remember and refused all invites to come out after work.

“You asked for me?” You say one day in Hotch’s office.

He nods, “Sit, please.” He gestures to the seat in front of his desk.

“Have I done something wrong, sir?” You ask as you sit.

He quickly shakes his head, “Not at all, your work is more than satisfactory.”

“Okay,” You say slowly, “So… What can I do for you?”

“I’m worried about you, I just wanted to check in. Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”

You frown, “I’m… sorry, sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you?” He gestures to your collarbone where your shirt has slipped to reveal a fresh purple bruise, “You come in here everyday with new bruises. You check your phone consistently every thirty minutes and get hostile if anyone points it out to you. You flinch at loud noises, should I go on?”

While he was talking you had lowered your head to watch your hands, your thumbs fiddled with each other in your lap, “While I appreciate your concern, Hotch, I believe that my personal life is not your concern as long as it doesn’t affect my work.”

“Y/N, I just want to help, I can intervene if you are in danger--”

“If that’s all, sir, I’d like to get back to my desk, I have a lot of reports to finish.”

He stares at you for a moment more before sighing, “Of course.” He watches you leave his office, feeling useless. There wasn’t much he could do if you refused to be helped.

Soon after he called Morgan into his office, “What’s up, Hotch?”

“Morgan, I need you to keep an eye on Y/N.”

He frowns, “Is she okay?”

“I’m not sure. I… have suspicions that there’s domestic abuse going on at home, but she won’t let me help.”

Morgan immediately goes into protective mode, “Hotch, if there’s someone hurting her you can’t expect me not to show up at her door and beat his ass.”

“Believe me Morgan, I’d let you, but you could endanger her if she’s not ready to leave him. You know that.”

Morgan looks like he wants to slam his fist into something, “I knew something was off with her.”

“I think we all do…” Hotch trails off as his gaze is distracted by the bullpen, “What is that?”

“Looks like… a flower delivery.” Morgan says and sure enough, the delivery man places the humongous arrangement on Y/N’s desk. She smiles and the girls flock around her as she plucks the card from the middle of the bouquet.

“An apology,” Hotch says, his blood boiling, but his voice is neutral, “For the bruises he gave her last night.”

“And so the cycle shall continue,” Morgan scoffs.

“Morgan, do not bring it up to her. She will ice you out as I’m sure she plans on doing to me and we need to be able to keep a close eye on her, understood?”

Morgan bangs his fists on top of each other, but he nods, “Understood.”

Hotch watches him leave his office, his eyes glued to you, but you don’t notice. You’re smiling a bit, for now. Happy until he hurts you again.

Aaron does his best to stay focused on his work and not to think about you or monitor your every move, but it proves significantly difficult and so a few days after he talked to Morgan, he calls Garcia into his office.

“Do you need something, sir?”

“Close the door, please, Penelope.”

“Is something wrong?” Penelope frowns as she closes the door.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Hotch is more stressed than he’s been in a while, knowing you’re in danger and not being able to do anything about it has taken a significant toll on him.

“Sir?” Penelope asks, confusion evident in her voice.

“What I’m about to ask you to do stays between us, Morgan is the only other person who knows, understood?”

“Yes, of course. Hotch, you’re starting to scare me.”

He sighs, “I need you to dig into Y/N’s personal life and find whatever you can on a significant other.”

As expected, Garcia looks horrified, “Hotch, I can’t-- I can’t do that to a member of the team.”

“I understand what I’m asking of you, Garcia, but I promise it’s for her safety. I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”

Garcia frowns, “Is she okay?”

“I think she could be in danger, but she won’t let me help officially which is why I don’t want you telling anyone. If she finds out about this she’ll isolate herself further.”

“Okay,” Garcia’s nodding, “For her safety.”

“Let me know if you find anything.”

“Sir, what exactly am I looking for?”

He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t know. You’ll know it when you see it.”

Garcia gets up and nods to herself, “I hope you know what you’re doing, sir.”

“Me too.” Hotch says to himself as she leaves.

***

It was three weeks later and Garcia hadn’t found anything. She had found the boyfriend, but there was no history of previous arrests or anything that would tip them off that he could become violent.

“This is good news right, sir? Maybe you were wrong?” But Aaron is frowning at the file, “Sir?”

He shrugs, “All this means is that he hasn’t been caught which is exceptionally common with abusers. He’s also law enforcement and… Well, I’m sure you know the correlation between law enforcement and domestic abuse.” Garcia was looking at Aaron like she was about to have a panic attack, “But, you’re right. It could be nothing. Thank you.”

Garcia looks like she’s going to leave, but then she turns back, “Sir, if… If you’re not wrong…”

“I’ll make sure nothing happens to her, Garcia. I promise.”

Penelope seems reassured by that and leaves his office. Soon after, JJ comes in to let Hotch know there’s a case.

“Is everyone here?” Hotch asks.

“Everyone but Y/N. I’ve texted and called her, but no answer.”

Hotch nods, “Thanks, JJ.” He tries calling you himself, just in case, but you don’t pick up. He ignores the tick of frustration he feels. Why don’t you trust him? You had worked together for years, he could help you. He had treated you like the rest of the team, like family. If anything, he had maybe grown a bit fonder of you than anyone else on the team.

“Where’s Y/N?” Morgan demands when Hotch walks into the conference room.

“She’s not answering her phone, we can start without her.” He nods to JJ, ignoring Derek’s pointed look.

“Hotch, it’s time to tell the team, I’m not leaving DC without her.”

Prentiss frowns, “What’s going on?”

Hotch meets Morgan’s eyes, “She could just be away from her phone.”

“You know as well as I do she doesn’t miss work calls.”

“Can one of you explain what’s going on?” JJ asks.

Aaron sighs, “I have suspicions that Y/N is in a domestic abuse situation.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Reid asks.

“Because I was worried if she found out that everyone was watching her she would mention it to him and isolate her from us further. I told Morgan to keep an eye on her and I had Garcia look into her boyfriend.”

“Garcia, did you find anything?” Prentiss asks.

She shakes her head, “Nothing.”

Prentiss looks back at Hotch, “And you’re sure about this?”

He shrugs, “All of her behaviors point to it.”

“Then someone should at least go check on her.” JJ says.

They all stare at Hotch, expectant, and finally he sighs, “Fine. Prentiss and Morgan, you go check on her and meet us in Baltimore.” When Prentiss and Morgan head out, Hotch turns back to the rest of the team, “JJ, continue.”

***

The text from JJ about a new case woke you in the morning along with the knocking at your door. Stretching, you rolled out of bed, “Coming!” You called to the door.

When you opened it, your boyfriend stood at the door looking stressed and angry. The usual feelings of anxiety and fear immediately flooded you, “Andrew, what is it?”

“You can’t go to work today.”

You frown, “What?”

“Your FBI buddies, they’ve been looking into me, did you tell them about me?”

Suddenly he’s on you, backed against the wall and you feel like you’re choking, “No, no, I swear, they-- They saw the flowers you sent,” You swallow, “But that’s all I swear.”

He’s so close now you can feel his breath on you, “I don’t believe you.”

You immediately start crying, “Andrew, please, I swear--”

“Liar!” He backhands you and you taste blood. “What did I tell you about lying to me?”

“Baby, I promise,” You beg, “I promise I haven’t said anything. They’re expecting me, if I don’t show up they’ll--”

“They’ll what, huh? Call the cops? Is that a threat?”

“No.” You take a breath, trying to calm yourself down, “I just want you to know what’ll happen if you--”

“Well you should’ve thought of that before you told them shit about me!” He yells and you flinch. Immediately he goes for the vase of flowers he gave you a few days ago, swiping them off the table causing the glass to shatter near your feet, cutting into your ankles. You close your eyes and try not to react, thinking maybe that’ll calm him down.

“Andrew, I promise you I have not told them anything. They have no reason to look into you.” You say calmly, “And even if they did look into you they wouldn’t find anything, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Before you can even react, he’s punched you in the stomach, “Don’t talk to me like one of your unsubs, you stupid bitch,” He punches you again and you think you feel a rib crack, “You’ve always thought you’re better than me because you’re a fuckin’ fed.”

You can’t even respond because he’s knocked the wind out of you, your palms cut on the broken glass as you fall forward on the floor. “Can’t go to work like this now, can you?” Without waiting for a response, he storms out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Almost immediately you collapse into sobs, hyperventilating as you try to pull the glass out of your hands and feet. You’re in the bathroom trying to clean yourself up and see how much damage has been done to the rest of your body when you think you hear Derek’s voice calling your name. “Fuck.” If you don’t open that door you know Morgan will just kick it down. You hadn’t cleaned up the glass yet and you had to walk tentatively to avoid the pain in your rib.

Derek calls your name again. “I’m coming, I’m coming, don’t kick down the door.” You shout as you slowly make your way over.

When you open the door Emily is also there and you don’t even try to put on a show. There’s no point. You watch as they take in the broken glass and flowers lying on the floor, the blood on your mouth and the way you’re holding yourself to avoid pain in your ribs. “Did Hotch send you?”

“You didn’t answer anyone’s calls.” You can hear the shock in Emily’s voice.

You nod, “So being late results in uninvited visits with your guns out now? Must’ve missed that bit in the employee handbook.”

“He’s worried about you, we all are, and apparently with good reason.”

“I’m fine.” You say, and as if to demonstrate, grab a broom and start sweeping up the glass, “Brief me on the new case.”

Derek scoffs, “You’re crazy if you think you’re working on this case, you’re going to the hospital.”

“You can’t make me go to the hospital.”

“No, we can’t,” Emily says, “But you won’t be allowed in the field until you’re medically cleared--”

“My injuries are minor and weren’t obtained in the field. I’m allowed to work.”

“Hotch will bench you if you show up like this.”

“Then let him tell me that himself. Are you two just gonna stand there or are you going to help me clean up?”

Derek shares a look with Prentiss who shrugs and helps you clean up. For the most part they don’t say anything, but you can tell Derek is quietly stewing in his anger.

“If you want to say something to me then say it.” You’re in the bathroom now and he’s trying to help you pull all the glass out of your skin.

“I’m just trying to understand why an FBI profiler would put up with this kind of treatment.”

“It’s not always like this.”

“His violence is escalating, it was only bruises before this,” He gently touches your rib to confirm it’s broken, “It’s only a matter of time before he kills you.”

You look away from him, “Hotch asked Garcia to look into him, didn’t he?”

Morgan sighs, “She didn’t find anything.”

“Well whatever she did must’ve notified his precinct that the FBI was looking into him because that’s why he came here this morning.”

Emily frowns, “Garcia’s more careful than that, she would know that that would put you in danger.”

You shrug, “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, he knew somehow that you guys were looking into him.”

Morgan is staring at nothing, his head lowered, “Derek, what is it?” Emily asks. You think you already know before he says anything.

“I… may have been following him on my free time. Sometimes I park outside of here and watch your window just to make sure you’re still alive when he leaves.”

You push past Morgan, too furious with him to even feel the pain in your ribs, “You had no right, none of you had any right.”

“This team is a family, we look out for each other.”

You’re pulling on a blazer and a pair of black boots, “If you two don’t take me to the crime scene right now, so help me God.”

They both look at you hopelessly, “Fine,” Emily says, “Let Hotch deal with you.”

***

The cuts in your feet along with your most likely broken rib make you a sorry sight as you have to limp into the Baltimore police station. The look on Hotch’s face when he sees you almost falters your rage, just for a moment.

“You made them look into Andrew after I told you I was fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” He looks to Morgan and Prentiss, “Why isn’t she at a hospital?”

“She insisted on coming here and working on this case.”

“You’re not working this case until you get checked out by a doctor.”

You lower your voice, “If I go to a doctor and get these injuries documented, you know what they’ll ask me.”

“Yes, I do. In fact, I’m counting on it.”

“You know what he’ll do if he finds out I’ve gotten medical attention.”

“You’ll be protected.”

“What if I don’t want to be protected? I love him.”

He watches you for a few more moments, “Prentiss, take her to the hospital.”

Prentiss lightly touches your shoulder and guides you out of the precinct and you glare Hotch down the entire way out. “She won’t forgive you for this.” Derek says, now at Hotch’s side.

“Maybe not, but at least she’ll be alive.” Hotch turns his full attention back to Morgan as Prentiss drives you away, “What did he do to her?”

Morgan sighs, “Looked like he hit her in the face, she was bleeding from her mouth. She had glass all in her hands and feet from a shattered vase and I think he may have broken her rib.”

“So he’s escalated.”

“Yeah, because he figured out I was tailing her.”

“Morgan, this is not your fault, I asked you to keep an eye on her. And besides, he would’ve just found another excuse.”

“So what do we do? DC police isn’t about to let us arrest him.”

“We hope that she lets us protect her and that he’ll come to us.”

Derek stares at Hotch for a second before it clicks, “You want him to come get her at our headquarters.”

“At a minimum he’ll be arrested for threatening a federal officer while she’s on duty. It’s the only way we’ll get him.”

“You’re comfortable using her as bait like that?”

“Derek, the alternative is him finding a way into her apartment and killing her before we get there, do you think that’s a better idea?”

Morgan sighs and simply walks away.

***

“I know what you guys think of me.” You say to Emily as she had been carefully avoiding meeting your eyes. You were in an emergency room, waiting to be called, “That I’m stupid for staying.”

Emily’s shaking her head, “No one thinks that. We’re just trying to understand why someone as smart as you, who has all the resources to get out as a federal agent, wouldn’t get out.”

“Come on, Emily, I’m a profiler too, all you guys had to do was check into my past to see why that is. Don’t tell me no one’s done that yet.”

“No one has done that because you’re not an unsub, you’re our family. Why else do you think I’m here with you right now and not working a case?”

You sniff and rub at your nose, “He’s not a bad person, he’s trying.” Emily won’t meet your eyes again. “He promised me he’d go to anger management.”

“How long ago was that?” Emily asks with a knowing look.

You take a shaky breath, “I won’t let you guys arrest him.”

“If he comes near you again we won’t need your permission.”

***

After your visit to the hospital, Hotch ordered at least two FBI agents to stake out your apartment every single day, 24 hours a day. You talked to Andrew on the phone, but you were firm that it was over this time, if only to save your career and your reputation.

He was angry, more angry than you think he’d ever been. He threatened you, threatened your team, accused you of cheating until you were forced to block his number. You didn’t tell the team about this. Didn’t tell them about the threatening gifts he left for you at work. Maybe if you had, things wouldn’t have been so terrible when Andrew showed up.

You didn’t know he was in the elevator with you until the doors had already closed and his arm easily wraps around your neck, his other hand pushing the barrel of his gun into your head.

“Hey baby, did you miss me?” You don’t react.

“You’re about to walk into a bullpen with at least twenty armed federal agents, you won’t leave here alive.”

“I don’t intend to leave alive, I want them to watch me kill you. Sucks I have to do it with a gun, I would’ve liked to see the light drain slowly from your eyes.”

The elevator lights are ticking closer and closer to the floor your unit is on. “Andrew, I don’t want you to die. Don’t you love me?”

“You know I do!” His emotion finally shows, “You left me!”

“I know baby, and I’m sorry.” The elevator doors are opening, “Just put down the gun and we can talk about it, otherwise I can’t promise you’ll ever see me again.” Tears were threatening to spill over as you knew you were about to watch the man you loved get murdered by your friends.

“If I can’t have you,” He says shakily, marching you out of the elevator. Nobody’s noticed yet, “Nobody can.”

When he walks into the bullpen with you, at first your friends don’t notice, laughing about something circled around Reid’s desk. Penelope is the first to notice and her face drops, “Oh God.”

Then Morgan looks up. “Hotch!” He yells and then suddenly there’s about fifteen guns trained on Andrew.

“Please don’t hurt him.” You say shakily.

“Yeah, where is Agent Hotchner, huh? I’d like to talk to him about my girlfriend.”

You think maybe you can calm him down, “Andrew--”

“Shut up!” He screams at you, pushing the gun harder into your temple.

Aaron takes his time coming out of his office, no gun as he comes down the steps and enters the bullpen, “Why are you asking for me, Andrew, aren’t you going to kill her?”

“I wanted you to see.” Andrew says through his teeth.

“Why me?” He looks around him, “You have quite an audience already.”

Andrew starts laughing, “Why don’t you tell him, baby? Tell him why I want him to see.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Liar!” He screams, “Why are you always lying to me? You think I don’t know what happened between you two? All those late weekends babysitting for Agent Hotchner.”

“It’s true sometimes Y/N comes to play with Jack if I have a lot of paperwork to do on the weekends, but only because Jack really likes her. But you put a stop to that, didn’t you? She hasn’t seen Jack in months.”

Andrew starts maniacally laughing, “You must all think I’m stupid. You’ve been fucking my girlfriend Agent Hotchner!” He finally removes the gun from your head and points it at Aaron, “Maybe I’ll kill you instead.”

“Andrew, don’t.” You hear the sound of safeties releasing.

“Okay Andrew, you win, I’ll tell you the truth.” You still in Andrew’s hold at Hotch’s words, “Y/N and I have been having an affair for months now.”

“Hotch.” You warn, but he goes on.

“She’s beautiful, young, intelligent,” He looks at you pointedly, “Incredible at her job. What’s not to love?”

You know what he’s doing, but you don’t want to do it. You shake your head, crying in earnest now, “Hotch, please.”

“I knew it! You son of a bitch!”

“Andrew, you have no one to blame but yourself. A low ranking DC cop, barely competent, you failed out of college.”

“Shut up!” Andrew says. You’re trying to steady your breathing as Hotch speaks.

“Meanwhile, your girlfriend graduated top of her class with an accelerated masters in criminal psychology, was recruited straight out of the FBI academy to join the BAU, the bureau’s most elite unit. Why would she want you? Especially when she could have me.”

“You better shut your mouth, man.”

“I have dozens of years of experience on you. I have a law degree. I hold several accolades from being in the BAU for so long, and of course, I’m the unit chief. But, hold on, I almost forgot. A real man knows how to satisfy a woman in bed, Andrew, but you’ve never been able to get your own girlfriend to orgasm, isn’t that right?”

Andrew is shaking his head ferociously and you know Hotch is about to deliver the final blow. Your signal. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Except I do know, Andrew. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve made your girlfriend orgasm in my bed, all while moaning my name.”

“You stupid motherfucker!” Andrew yells and you spin in his arms. You move to grab the gun, your hand on it, but you’re not able to disarm him before the gun fires. At the very least, you’ve fucked up his aim and now you have his gun pointed at him, tears dried to your cheeks. Hotch knew Andrew’s fatal error had always been underestimating you. All the things Hotch had said were true. You outranked him, you were smarter than him, and you had more training than him. He was just as much talking to you just then as he was talking to Andrew, reminding you of your worth. Hotch knew that you would be able to disarm him easily if he was riled and distracted enough, but Andrew had never seen you as the threat you were until now as you have his gun pointed at his chest.

As soon as someone had cuffed Andrew, you dropped the gun, hands shaking and spun to see Hotch on the ground, blood on the floor, “Oh God.”

“I’m fine,” He winces, “It just clipped my shoulder. I knew you’d be able to get the gun away from him.”

You collapse on the floor next to him, “I’m sorry I haven’t been by to see Jack in a while,” You say, tears falling down your cheeks again, “I really miss him.”

“Out of everything I just lied about in front of this entire bureau, that’s what you’re upset about?”

You nod, “I know he asks for me, it broke my heart when you stopped texting me the videos.”

Hotch nearly laughs, “I’ll send you some more as soon as I can.”

“How did you know?” You lower your voice, “About our sex life?”

“I didn’t.” He shrugs, “It was a guess.”

“Based on what?”

“You want to do this now?” Medics had arrived now and were looking at Hotch’s shoulder.

“Yes.”

He sighs, “All of his insecurities were focused on me from the second he walked in here. He couldn’t stand that he was subservient to you which would make trying to pleasure you in bed even harder for him. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that not only were you not equals, you were superior to him. I, on the other hand, outrank you. His biggest fear was that the only man who would ever be able to satisfy you was someone more dominant than you. I just played on that fear.”

You nod slowly, the medics are telling you they need to bring him to the hospital, “Thanks for making sure no one died in here.” You say finally and start backing away from him.

“You asked us not to hurt him.”

You sigh, “I know, but, still. Thank you.”

He offers you a small smile before the paramedics take him away, Penelope immediately rushing over to crush you into a hug, the rest of your team joining in. You had taken them for granted, punished them for caring about you. You wouldn’t let that happen again.

***

“Man, Jack, you beat me again!” You laugh and set down the Wii remote, the sounds of Mario Kart filling the room.

“Only because you let me.” He says with a grin.

“No, I would never do that!”

“I’ve watched you play with Daddy, I know you’re better than me.”

You giggle and ruffle his hair, “Or Daddy is a lot worse than you think he is.”

There’s a knock at Jack’s bedroom door and Aaron walks in wearing jeans and a t-shirt, an outfit you rarely saw him in, “Dinner’s ready, go wash your hands, bud.” He announces and Jack immediately runs past.

“I should be going then, it was nice hanging out with him again.”

Aaron frowns, “Nonsense, stay for dinner.”

“Hotch, I couldn’t--”

“Please, stay. I made more than enough and there’s a bottle of wine I’ll need help finishing.”

You smile, “Okay.”

The dinner was full of laughs and Jack recounting all of his epic wins on Mario Kart before he finally started yawning. There was still a half a bottle of wine left when Hotch finished tucking in Jack.

“Thanks for dinner, Hotch, I really appreciate it.” You stand to put on your coat.

“I thought I asked you to help me finish this bottle.”

You laugh, “You really want me to stay?”

“I thought you would’ve figured out by now that Jack is just a ruse to get you to hang out with me.” He smirks and you roll your eyes and sit down again. “How are you doing?” He asks while he refills your wine glass.

You shrug and avoid meeting his eyes, “Fine.” You look up to see him staring at you, a knowing look on his face, “I’m serious, I’m fine. I actually think I owe you an apology.”

He frowns, “For what?”

“For shutting you out when you were just trying to help me.”

He shakes his head, “You were in love, I can’t blame you for that.”

You swallow, and maybe it’s the wine that makes you brave, but you finally ask the question you’d been thinking about since the day Hotch had gotten shot, “When you were talking to Andrew, lying about us having an affair… Did you profile me for any of that?”

He pauses, “I don’t think I understand what you’re asking.”

You sigh, “You said that someone like me would want a dominant man, someone who outranked me. Was that a lie or part of a profile?”

He watches you carefully, “You know as well as I do that all aspects of a profile won’t be correct, it’s just a guide.”

“But that’s what you think I would want from what you’ve observed.”

“Why are you asking me this?”

You gaze at him, mouth slightly parted, “You really don’t know?” He’s still staring at you so finally you sigh, turning your attention to the wine that you swirl around in its glass, “When I first started at the BAU I had a ginormous crush on you.”

He chuckles, “Really?”

You nod, allowing him a small smile, “Yep. It was very embarrassing.” You shake your head, “And then I met Andrew and…” You shrug, “Well, you know the rest.”

“And what about now?”

You look up at him and he’s looking at you so intently, concern written all over his face. And maybe a little bit of something else, too. “I’m not sure it ever fully went away.” You say softly.

He leans forward in his seat and gently picks up one of your hands, holding it in both of his, “I would be so incredibly lucky to love someone like you. I meant everything I said about you in the bullpen.”

You’re not sure you’re breathing, “You mean that?”

He searches your face, “Let me show you.” He says softly and then tips his face into yours. His lips brush yours tentatively, gauging your reaction. He’s nervous, you realize, which feels absolutely absurd to you. You carefully bring a hand up to his cheek, stroking your thumb along his skin before deepening the kiss.

You feel his sigh of relief when you kiss him back. The kiss lasts for a few seconds before Aaron pulls away just an inch, “Would you like to stay the night?”

His voice is husky and deep and the beat of your heart quickens. “Yeah, I’d like that.” You say breathlessly.

And he smiles that rare smile and guides you up the stairs.

#mine #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner fanfic #hotch x reader #hotch fluff #hotch angst #hotch smut

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stxleslyds · 3 years ago

Note

What do you think about the theories that Jason was sexually abused as a child? Or even possibly while he was comatose after his resurrection?

Implications of this theory include his conversation with Mia (Speedy) and Bruce's message (Battle for the Cowl). In addition, when he was Robin he expressed what was then considered uncharacteristic rage towards the perpetrators of sex crimes.

Garzonas - unrepentant rapist who got no consequences

When a woman killed her sister's rapist and murderer (because Batman's evidence was not admissible in court), Batman said that she went too far with murder. Jason's disagreed with "Good riddance". Good for you, Jason.

His recklessness when dealing with a child sex trafficking ring.

I highly doubt that DC would ever confirm this theory. I would rather they leave it ambiguous because I don't trust them to not botch Jason... much less respectfully address the subject matter.

I have read so many thoughts on Jason that they're starting to blend together. So I apologize if you've already answered this before.

Hello friend! Aside from the fact that I took way too much time to answer your ask, this was also a hard question to come up with an answer to, I wanted to remain respectful of the subjects at hand even though I don’t second this headcanon. But before we keep going, let me put some trigger warnings in this post.

trigger warning: mentions of sexual abuse, child abuse, rape.

First, I would like to bring up these two concepts because I oftentimes mix them up when talking about these “ideas”.

Theory: a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something; an idea used to account for a situation or justify a course of action.

Headcanon: Headcanon generally refers to ideas held by fans of series that are not explicitly supported by sanctioned text or other media. Fans maintain the ideas in their heads, outside of the accepted canon.

I think the idea of Jason having been sexually abused at any point in his lifetime is a mix between a theory and a headcanon. Why I am saying this? Because as you have put in the ask, there has been instances where fandom has found pieces of information that they have considered the base of this idea.

So, if we say that there is a piece of text that might support that idea and they build from that to justify a course of action we would be looking at a theory. In this case Jason having been abused would the reason as to why he acts in that strong and violent way towards cases of sexual abuse/harassment.

In the other hand those pieces of text might not support that idea so fandom headcanons that idea in order to build another layer to a character, in this case Jason having been abused would also justify his actions towards certain criminals.

The “text” (panels, issues, mentions) are most of the time ambiguous, which makes readers have different perspectives in what is being written and what then is made into a theory or headcanon.

Personally, I don’t like this theory or headcanon for various reasons (which I will explain later in the post), and I have read and understood those moments mentioned as Jason just having survived Crime Alley as something general, I don’t think he suffered that kind of abuse but I think he was made aware of that type of behaviour every day that he spent alone in the streets and that why we saw Jason in Batman #408 saying that he had “graduated a long time ago from the streets of crime alley”.

Having said that, I do understand that some of the moments mentioned can be seen as ambiguous and that’s what leads people to theorize/headcanon that idea, because of that I would like to show the panels mentioned in your ask so everyone can read them and make up their own conclusions and then I will talk about the reasons why I don’t like this particular theory/headcanon.

As Robin:

Batman (1940) #422

In these panels we can see Jason as Robin jumping in to defend a woman that was being attacked by a man. There I only see Jason acting like a vigilante would, maybe he was hitting too hard or whatever but Batman has hit people as much as Jason was doing it this time around, plus I, personally, don’t see any kind of problem with Jason beating a man that was harassing and threatening a woman with death.

Right beside we have Jason being on the side of the woman that killed her sister’s attacker. He didn’t see any problem with that woman seeking justice for her sister on her own when the police, Batman and himself couldn’t get the job done.

Here I see Jason having a big problem with authorities and justice system, which is not something new, in Batman #408, Jason says very clearly that he doesn’t trust the system in Gotham (the police, social workers and such), and he was also shown in that comic talking very fondly about his mother and about how much he cared for her when she was at her worst. Let’s remember that Jason loved his mother, he took care of her and resented his father for being abusive towards her and even introducing her to drugs.

Instead understanding these panels as Jason having been abused himself, I see it more as Jason having a humongous understanding of how much women and others suffer in Gotham due to the justice system’s lack of action. I also see Jason as the kind of boy that respected all women and could not sit and do nothing when people were hitting and abusing women just like his father did to his mother.

Batman (1940) #424

This issue starts by saying that Jason jumps into action as soon as he hears someone scream but that he wasn’t going to be prepared to see what was happening. This is the issue where all of us meet Felipe Garzonas, the abuser and rapist of many women. At first Jason doesn’t know what Felipe was doing but after he and Batman “defeat” Felipe, he goes to the room where he finds Gloria in a bed badly hurt and scared. Jason is shocked when he first finds her and after hearing her story in the police station, he becomes more and more happy about the fact that by having caught Felipe, he and Batman would be able to offer some peace and justice to Gloria after he goes to jail, but that doesn’t happen.

They had all the evidence to put Felipe in jail and the police could easily see that Gloria was the victim but because Felipe had someone to back his made-up story up, he was able to not be arrested and jailed.

Jason once again is baffled at the lack of action by the police or simply justice not being able to be made in favour of the true victim. Batman even says that he has noticed that Jason “had become to emotionally invested with the case” which could favour either idea (Jason having suffered sexual abuse or not), in my case I see this once again as Jason not being able to remain calm after doing everything to keep that woman safe and the justice system not being able to do it themselves in a more permanent way (jail time, or whatever).

But that’s not all because Jason being too emotional with that case was brought up as a way to show that Jason couldn’t see that Felipe had been under the influence of drugs, which is something that Jason can see in people very well (do to experience with his mother and his training with Batman). So, Felipe is now a rapist, an abuser, he does drugs and he also has a market for it.

Because Felipe was allowed to go back to his “normal” life he had Gloria be killed, and he kept abusing drugs and women, when Jason finds Gloria’s dead body and that Batman still seems to abide the justice system he snaps. He goes alone to see Felipe and that’s were this iconic panel comes from. The moments before Jason made his first kill and felt no remorse about it. I know this is kinda soft topic because Jason was a teenager, but good for him, kill that bitch. Gotham doesn’t need more people like him.

Batman (1940) #226

This is the issue where Jason attacks the men that were involved with some very nasty stuff involving children. Batman narrates and says that him and Jason had been working on this case for three weeks. Jason jumps into action suddenly and “recklessly” even though Batman considered their investigation wasn’t over, he also says that he thinks that Jason had been “acting oddly” and that he was very “moody, resentful and reckless” and that that attitude could “get him killed”.

This could be used as to add more proof of the abuse idea but I actually see it as build up to Jason’s death, that happened two issues later. Let’s remember that Jason found out of his birth mother and was desperate to find and save her from Joker, because he was a good son but also because he didn’t feel like Bruce loved, cared or appreciated him anymore. Ever since Jason made it clear that he didn’t see the world and justice in the same way that Batman did back in issue #422, Jason and Bruce’s relationship suffered, they just couldn’t see eye to eye on some subjects and Bruce’s neglect or lack of care for what Jason believed in drove Jason to act the way he did in the case involving his mother and the Joker.

Jason obviously has major issues with kids being abused and put in dangerous situations, he as the Red Hood (Winick’s Red Hood) is the same, he really wants kids to be taken far away from drugs so they cannot be manipulated, used and abused by Gotham’s Drug Lords. Here I can see some of the same thing, Jason being protective of those kids and getting fed up with how much time he and Batman had to wait to do anything about the subject, along side it I bet Jason wasn’t seeing the police or the justice system doing anything about the whole thing so that could have probably fuelled his desperate attack of those horrible people.

As Batman/Red Hood:

Batman: Battle for the Cowl #3

Battle for the Cowl… yeah I am going to be brutally honest about this, if anyone thinks that this is someway or somehow proof that Jason had been abused in the past then I think we have very different ways of thinking how survivors must be treated or written in comics and other media.

This to me is pure bad writing, this is some of the worst things I have seen being written in comics. Whether or not this implies Jason being abused or not, Bruce’s message is absolutely disgusting and not at all helpful, it is even worse when you realise that Dick, a canon sexual assault survivor, is the one playing the message to Jason even though Jason explicitly said that he didn’t want to hear it again. That Book, issue, page and panel are extremely badly written and is one of the most terrible Jason and Dick characterizations ever.

So, I don’t really care if this panel is supposed to offer support to that theory or headcanon, I really dislike that speech and if it is actually referencing Jason as being a survivor of child abuse, then Tony S. Daniel needs to make an apology from today to the day he dies.

“Of all my failures, you have been my biggest” “You were broken and I thought I could put the pieces back together. I thought I could do for you what could never be done for me. Make you whole” “What happened to you as a child… the terror, the pain, the horrors” “You needed repair and instead I gave you an outlet to act out on”

Absolute garbage writing. Me, as Bruce is number one hater, know that that speech is even out of character for Bruce. Listen, if Jason had been a victim of sexual assault or just being a kid living alone in Crime Alley, no one should leave a message like that, telling a victim that they were broken and needed fixing, what the hell? No, thank you, this issue proves nothing except that Battle for the Cowl was a mistake as a whole.

Green Arrow (2001) #72

Judd Winick is clever I will always say that, and while I do see why people think that Jason is making the “child abuse idea” canon I still think that the way that he talks is still fairly ambiguous if not just him playing mind games with Mia.

I know it sounds wrong, but hear me out, Winick, in this arc makes Batman say that Jason distracted him and Oliver just to take Mia as a “hostage” because that was Jason’s way to mess with him. This arc happens right after UtRH and Jason is a bit more unhinged than ever. But he doesn’t harm Mia, he just talks to her, he tries to make her see why he acts the way he does and to do that he talks about how much he sees of himself in her. Do I believe that Jason suffered the same things Mia did? No. Do I think that their past is similar? Yes.

But Jason doesn’t only use the fact that they have similar pasts to make Mia rebel against her “no killing ways” and Oliver like he did with Bruce, but he also brings up the fact that their past is incredibly different to the lives of Bruce and Oliver, and that those differences are of importance.

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t see Jason bringing Mia’s past for anything other than manipulating her and kinda make her see Oliver in a negative light the way that he does Batman and Bruce. Jason was at a point in his life where all he wanted to do was deliver the same pain that he had gone through but he didn’t do it by physically harming anyone (Mia was left unscratched), he was just out there trying to play mind games so he could break more havoc in Batman’s name.

Mia’s past is just way too different to whatever we have seen in canon from Jason’s past. Maybe I am wrong, after all, I only read about Mia in that arc.

With all that having been said I think it’s pretty obvious that I just don’t think that Jason’ having been sexually abused as a child actually happened, and I also don’t like to think about his past in that way. His canon suffering could have made him act that violently against criminals involved with sexual attacks and drug-related crimes, but I also think that’s just how Jason was, he really disliked the justice system in Gotham and saw how much it failed to protect victims, so now that he had the training to help those who couldn’t do it for themselves, he tried his best to bring criminals to justice.

And when that didn’t work, he grew more and more frustrated with Batman’s methods which led him to be more unforgiving and violent.

I also don’t like the theory/headcanon as a whole because I think its one of those things that Fandom comes up with just for that extra angst factor in their favourite character’s story so they can make him suffer more and because of that no other Robin or character as a whole can ever understand his pain or whatever. In this fandom there is a lot of “competitive trauma” going on and I honestly dislike it a lot.

About Jason having been assaulted while he was in a coma, I don't really know, he was at a hospital for what I believe were six moths, maybe that idea comes from real life happenings but I have never thought of that happening in Jason's life and I would rather not give it much more thought.

Also, I believe that DC just like fandom would have never been able to handle the subject of Jason having been a sexual assault survivor with the respect and care that it actually needs. We have seen DC treat sexual harassment and abuse as nothing but a side plot or bringing it up in an extremely disturbing way. In Fandom some (very few) people end up glamorising or romanticising these subjects so, I don’t believe the comic world was or is ready to treat a backstory like this with the respect it needs.

Maybe I haven’t even treated the subject with the respect and care that it needs and if that’s the case then I am truly sorry.

I had never answered a question regarding this subject before and I really appreciate all the questions you send my way; they do make my brain happy. I am really sorry it took me this long to write an answer to you but I hope the post is good enough for all the time I made you wait!

I hope you have an amazing week!

#jason todd #red hood #robin jason todd #batman #tati writes and is nervous about it #theories and headcanons #dc comics

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sjbuchananbarnes · 6 years ago

Text

Girls Night

Steve x reader

W.c: 1640+

“Fuck guys!” Wanda yelled at the top of her lungs as she took another swing at the very expensive bottle of tequila .

“Fuck heartbreaks!” A very drunk redhead creid.

“Fuck penises!” You followed your best friends.

Three of you then turned to Pepper waiting for her to yell something but what could she yell at since she was in a happy marriage with Tony.

“Fuck…” But she couldn’t think of any “...boyfriends..?”

And the three of you cheered at her response followed by the chanting of what she had said. The four of you continued to cheer at what the other had said while singing at the top of your lungs, singing was used very loosely, and dancing around.

“You coulda had a bad bitch non-committal, help you with your career just a little!” The four of danced and sang at the top of your lungs and continued to sing about how men aint shit.

“What’s going on with the girls?” Sam asked as he entered the training room.

“I think Nat had a bad date so there supporting her.” Tony answered from the boxing ring.

“Isn’t Pepper married?”

“And Wanda with Vision.”

“And Y/n is single.”

“I think they’re all single tonight, by what there saying.” Clint shrugged,”You know those girls will always anything for eachother.”

“But do they have to be so damn loud.” Bucky grumbled “She went out on that date yesterday night.”

“They started with wine last night.” Steve stated which only caused the rest of the team to look at him wired. “You guys didn’t see the wine bottles in the garbage can?” He tried to play it off, he can’t let out his secret.

“Then it went to brunch this morning, some light shopping which combined I think they spent around fifty thousand dollars.” Clint shrugged like it was nothing.

Which caused Bucky and Steve to choke on there on saliva.

“What?” They both yelled at the same time, still not getting use to spending too much money in just one day, considering that fifty hundred dollars back in the ‘40’s it was close to a little over half a million dollars in today's currency.

“I think you guys forget that Y/n is loaded as well, why do you think she has the best wing.” Tony leaned against one of the ring post.

“But that’s so much money.” Bucky gasped.

“They have expensive taste, especially Y/n, I wouldn’t be surprised if more then half that tab is her’s. The guy that ends up with her is one lucky basterd.” Tony laughed and Steve snorted.

“But why does she live here?” The long hair blue eyed man asked.

“She doesn’t want to live alone, she spent most of her life alone she doesn’t want that anymore.” Clint explained, which to Bucky nodded understanding were you were coming from.

“Guys shut up!” You giggled, trying to get them to shut up but you were just as loud at them.

“Ooh Y/n likes Steve!” The now three extremely drunk friends shrieked, teasing you.

“What no I don’t!” Your voice got extremely higher than what you anticipated.

“You like the stars spangled man, the man with the plan.” Pepper got up on the bed and did a hero pose, with her fist on her hips and her chest puffed out.

“So what you like Tony!” You yelled not realizing what you were saying.

“Ooh Pepper like Tony!” Now the three of you teased her.

“What no I don’t.” The strawberry blonde giggled,playing with her hair.“Wait, I Am married to him.” She threw her head back crackling like it was the funniest thing she ever heard.

“I want to be married.” Your eyes filled with tears.

“You will marry Y/n, marry Captain america.” Wanda giggled at her funny ‘joke’.

“It’s okay Y/n.” Nat pulled you in between her legs and into her arms. “We will all find happiness one day.” She kissed you cheek.

“I love you Nat!” You cried harder as you threw your hands over her shoulders pulling her in. “And that guy is so stupid for not wanting a badass like you.”

“I love you too.” She cried into your shoulder.

“And I love you Pepper.” Wanda weeped as she brought brought her into her arms.

“I love you too Wanda.” Pepper sobbed into her shoulder.

And what seemed like a hour the four of you were done crying and now fast asleep on your humongous bed in which the four of you fit easily.

“I dont think I’m ever going to drink again.” Pepper said from the bathroom as she finish washing her teeth after throwing up.

“Pepper shut up.” Nat groaned as she shoved her head deeper into the pillow.

“Pepper move!” Wanda shoved her out of the way and soon her head was in the toilet.

Nat sighed knowing that she wasn't going to be able to sleep once more. “Where the hell is my bra?” She scratched her head.

“When did you take of your bra?” You questioned her after stepping out of the shower with a towel wrapped around your body, chuckling at Wanda as she laid on the bathroom floor.

“I don’t know.” She dragged herself out of the bed and into your shower.

“I’m going to go shower, I’ll see you guys down in twenty.” Pepper yelled as shut the door behind her.

After Wanda and Nat showered and borrowed some of your clothe which was just pair of legging and some band t’s, after Nat still hadn’t found her bra she just decided to borrow a sports bra instead ,and you guys were good to go for breakfast, at one in the afternoon. Were the boys waited for your arrival.

“Afternoon ladies.” Steve eyed the four of you as you walked into the kitchen, his eyes stayed on you the longest.

“Hi Stevie.” Without thinking you made your way into his arms and kissed his lips. “I missed you last night.” You leaned into his chest.

“Uh guys?” Tony’s voice broke you out of trace,causing your body to stiffen not even realizing Steve body was stiff not saying anything.

“Oh no.” You whispered and stepped away from Steve.

“Oh yes!” Wanda yelled.

“What the hell is this?” Sam yelled in excitement.

“What the hell are you!” Steve yelled back, causing Tony to wheeze and press his face into Peppers back, who was sitting on his lap.

“What?” Sam questioned.

“I don’t know.” Steve mumbled and played with his hands.

“Since when was this a thing?” Nat smiled at the two of you.

“Like three months.” You mumbled as you itched closer to him, god you felt like you were a pair of teenagers begin caught by your parents.

“Why didn’t you guys tell us?” Wanda whined, as she fixed her self a plate of pancakes eggs and some greasy bacon and a big cup of coffee from that amazing machine that you bought for the team. “God I love these chefs.” She digged into her plate.

“ We just thought it would be to soon, and we thought it would be best in case we broke up. We didn’t want to make it awkward.” You sighed. “Wait why aren’t you shocked Bucky?”

“Steve told me.” He shrugged like it was nothing.

“You told him, we had a agreement!” You gasped and hit Steve on the shoulder, which only caused you gasp in pain and you quickly grabbed your hand and held it tight to your chest .

Steve let out a laugh and explained “He caught me doing a walk of shame, doll.” he brought you back into his chest.

“Steve Rogers, doing the walk of shame who would of thought.” Tony joked, and got up to fix his very hungover wife a plate.

“Oh trust me I have no shame.” He pulled you into a deep kiss.

“See Y/n I guess you will marry the star spangled man after all.” Nat smirked from behind her coffee cup.

“Nat, we just started to date.” You shoved your head into his chest, but Steve already knew he was going to marry you the day he saw first saw you.

“Sam, I swear I’m going to rip you a new if don’t start to punch like you mean it!” You yelled at the your tall broad friend,your back was facing Steve who was leaning against the door, smirking as you talked to one of best friends.

“I don’t think your going to be able to handle, all of this.” He motioned down to his body.

You threw your head back in glee. “Oh Sammy, stop your going to make me cry.” You clapped your hands together.

He took this as his advantage and charged your way but you were quicker than him , ducking his right and left punch, jumping and swing yourself onto his shoulder straddling him with your thighs, his hand reached to grab a hold of your shirt to flip you over but with a swift move you swung yourself along with him onto the floor, landing on your feet with one foot on his chest.

“If I didn’t like you so much you’d be dead,Sammy.” You offered him a hand to help him on his feet and turned around to realize you had company, your face lit up with joy to see who it was. “Mr.Rogers, pleasure to finally meet you.” You made your way to him and extended your hand.

“Pleasures all mine, and please call me Steve.” He took a hold of your hand not letting go. “Pleasures all mine.” Steve mumbled.

“So ‘am going to kick your ass,like I did your friend.” You nodded over to Sam.

“I’d like to see you try.” He smirked “I’ll buy you dinner if you can actually beat me.” Steve still had a smirk on his face.

“You got a deal Cap.”

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 6 years ago

Text

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Australia to Eurovision with the Statue of Liberty's opera number

youtube

It took 4 years for Australia to figure out one day, “you know what would improve our chances with the viewing audience that’s tired of bland and easily produced pop? That’s right, a GODDAMN NATIONAL FINAL!!!! anyone here agreeing, mates? ehhh???”. And so we finally had an Australia Decides - the whateverth of many of the NFs to be added to the NF family. Where only the best of the best Australian acts compete for their title to get to Eurovision. The last Australian NFs I’ve seen before then were fan-made NFs for online Eurovision fan contests. And they were fun, but now they’re not as fun anymore as a real life-sized counterpart, with shorter than 1 week voting periods, real live performances of totally new songs, all on the same arena, and actual hosts instead of the short but clear instructions of “here are the songs, here are the voting details”. Good times.

Rather exciting the show was, full of anything AND everything. And what did it birth? The first ever totally white Australian participant (nothing wrong with it, it’s just that other 4 ones were of more exciting descents than European), Kate Miller-Heidke. The surprisingly older-than-she-looks operatic blonde with a sizeable career to boot, with nice songs on her overall repertoir (and a chubby lil bun of a son :3). I admit I knew of her from one of those mentioned online fan contests, at the very time one of her songs “Sarah” was popular in a fan circle of like 150-200 people. Since then I heard two more of her songs, so when she (and Sheppard) were announced as part of the Australia Decides lineup, I was excited because of the “automatic name recognition alert!!!” triggering in my head. And I hoped her song is as exciting.

But then I did listen to “Zero Gravity”. And I got confused.

But then again, it’s Kate. I had this moment of realisation that I actually am not a huge fan of her music overall? Just a couple of songs here and there, and probably that’s all. The other ones that I listened to that aren’t those ‘couple of songs’ are nice, but something that I’d only listen to volutarily to torture my inner state of mind.

For me the problem probably arises from the fact that I don’t feel the song’s structure and a lot of things feel like unfinished (because it takes a humongously long time between songlines ksksksk). But at the same time it might as well be the point of the song?? As far as I remember this is very much so about mental issues and how is one trying to break free off them while entering the “ze-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeee-ro gra-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaa-vity”, and the “stone in shoe” thing (don’t you hate it when you find tiny-ass pebbles in your shoes, guys? cuz I do!!! let alone finding bigger sized ones like Kate just did!!!). Whatever’s keeping her down this time. But for some reason I don’t quite think that Eurovision has really been graced with great mental issue songs - Malta last year was just a cheap pop song stuck in the early 2010s with its dubstep sound; Romania last year was just an average teen sitcom background rock song, and it’s a shame about it being all that forgotten by others because I just happened to like it more and I feel for all those that feel depressed about their own existence and feel like saying “goodbye cruel world, I’ll see you never again anymore”. It feels odd not wanting to break the taboo before I become an animal or going where there’s zero gravity with these songs, yanno what I mean??

BUT! I didn’t say I hate that song. It has its qualities. Like, the verses are pretty decent, it’s just that the chorus feels completely detaching from my interest, which baffles me because I wanna like it more. We have these standard 00s mild-synthpop-like choruses and Kate’s blissful singing into your ear (ffs she starts her verses with “hey you” with THAT vocal sound. You don’t feel like turning up to her to ask “yes”??) on top of them, and then the chorus buildup feels like a helium balloon ride I wanna be let go of already. Alright, well, the 1st post-chorus doesn’t sound TOO bad... but the 2nd one, I’m not really a huge fan of it when she vocally warms up and then SPITS the opera vocals at me scarily. I’m spooked out. And then the last minute of the song is spent with sounding like it’s taken from a cheap-rent theatre play (I say ‘cheap’ because nothing here aside Kate’s voice sounds like OTT theatrical musicals to me), now with some more of delightful opera voice and the backings reminding us all that ain’t nothin’ holdin’ Kate down no’ mo’, ayy! The ending of the song is just so painfully obviously theatrical though, where all the horns rise up and let out a final blast with the final high vocal note like a flat silver-painted chocolate star on top of a dazzling white cinnamon-lemon cake with white glaze and some red berries sprinkled around... I guess I felt excited, I guess I felt like I was carried through a musical journey, but I still ended up completely unsatisfied because there were long pauses in the song that didn’t reasonate with me all that much. My soul really has something against songs that only have two verses and two choruses and that sound like they have potential but are overally unappealing (like me not getting over at how silly “Meggyfa” from A Dal 2018 sounds with all those horsefly and DAW-produced cartooney violins thrown in the song... it should have sounded like a fairytale about a king’s cherry tree, not a peasant’s made-up hallucination of an old and dried-out cherry bush :V). There shall be the day I overcome that obstacle, but for now, I’ll keep it be...

All in all, a competently composed, but at the same time, estrangedly composed song, performed by a classical fairy princess dressed in white and decorated by glitter (and her complementary backings that are cheerful enough sounding for a pop and/or tune). And the entry shines bright, too. As much as Kate’s beautiful teeth and shiny red lips - a perfect combo that could potentially scare an audience for being too perfect.

Approval factor: I’m on a fence with this one, yet again, but my views are leanings toward a mild non-approval. Though objectively I do approve this because it’s finally not a safe-ass entry that is just there to keep Australia afloat on Eurovision, but subjectively... it will take me several lightyears just to get over that severely cheap-ish chorus.

Follow-up factor: Again, it follows up the trail of Australia’s in Eurovision nicely, being so far something totally and completely unexpected from the nation’s, and something so daring in Eurovision overall (we got plain opera songs in the past, now here’s a more popera-musical crossover song that is not anyhow as schlagertastic as that one entry performed by Greta Thunberg’s mom 10 years ago!). A step in the right direction, even if it means that I am personally still inner screaming about it, lol.

Qualification factor: it’s perfectly capable of floating through a couple of places in the territory of both a safe qualification comfort and a hellish danger zone. I’ll leave it up for juries and televotes to judge it for themselves, but for me personally? If that pink foggy cloud from Greece underperforms with no chances to come back into a better shape, I think it could lend a spot to the Oz’s even-foggier thundercloud of joy, and it could even climb up higher if people aren’t overly charmed by the other game changers of the semifinal (like Iceland and Portugal, especially Portugal). But as of now, I guess I’m indifferent anyway the wind blows, and literally anything can happen. It’s truly one of those “anything can happen” songs, I assure you 100%, and it shall be fine, and any result for it will be perceived as spectacular, imo.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

FYI, if y’all want, you can rewitness the whole show here (before SBS sues off that for copyright reasons), but let me guide you through some of my personal highlights:

• If you guys that ever read these reviews know of any other Sheppard song than “Geronimo” then it’s okay, and it’s also okay if you don’t (and if you even haven’t heard of “Geronimo”)! I’m just saying that these guys were the first ever exciting sight in the Australia Decides lineup (along with KMH of course), and now, I’m not saying I wanted something that could top over the hit song of these guys in my personal opinion (well their actual NF song, “On My Way”, might be slightly on the path of suffering from the “it’s-no-hit-song-so-it’s-automatically-disappointing”-itis, which is incredibly contagious, especially for all the one hit wonders out there (and not only), but despite people accusing it of not being “Geronimo” here and there, I sat down, listened and simply liked it), I am just saying to stop throwing shit at the artist just because their management is worse than their music. Yeah! Remember the time it was uncovered that Sheppard is funded by their parents’ business being torturous? There are Papua New Guinean asylum seekers locked away in a faraway island where all kinds of shit happens - abuse, torture, rape... and the parent Sheppard is responsible for all this (well actually he’s only 1/3 of the responsible men), and he makes profit off it. That’s disgusting to the max, I know, and by no means I support this pasttime, but I really hope that the Sheppard kids don’t support the way their parents get the money to fund their hopes and dreams, otherwise... well anti-stans you were right. I might as well begin regretting stanning Sheppard now but for a dumb bitch I am there always exist a shard from a broken hope I can hang on to just in case things would get better. Just like the time when Kesha broke free from the Ke$ha image at the time it came out to light that her former producer, Dr. Luke, is THAT kind of guy. Anyway, if there are people down here that sometimes come for the music and not for the backstory, I’ll leave a video for Sheppard’s entry, which wouldn’t have come onto Australia Decides if not for the Sheppard fans (that they still had before the mentioned incident?) that encouraged them to go ^_^ Is your love for this song on fire? (probably not but I still am asking b/c fuck it)

youtube

• I know what you’re thinking, so I’ll include Electric Fields as well. And with a good enough cause because I liked their song too, just like many people did. “2000 and Whatever” mixes electronic music with a relatable message for all the millenials out there who don’t want to “live forever”, Aboriginal sounds and cool inclusion of new and unheard-in-Eurovision-before language(s?) and all in all would have definitely made a more kickass Australian entry for this year. And what’s the best about it? They didn’t need to have a big fanbase like Sheppard’s or a relatively middle-sized abroad but big inside like Kate’s. They did THAT by being incredibly fun and unique and gained both national AND international fans with their one year Australia Decides stint, and now the fans are hopeful to see this duo come out on another Australia Decides in the future. I salute their newborn fanbase for being so passionate and hopeful already. Oh, and of course, they got a meme out of their way at the same time without even needing to win (which wouldn’t have happened if not for SBS’s care to translate different languages than their own):

casually describing the jury chatter on National Finals like

But my favourite moment of the performance that they had is when the lead singstress let go of her headscarf to show off her beautiful long dreads to the viewing audience <3333

• For those combined fans of both ESC and RuPaul’s Drag Race, Australia fished out a special surprise with Courtney Act (what, you thought all drag race queens have had to be American of origin?!) being on the lineup as well! Together with several other dancers, she presented “Fight for Love” (not to be confused with Dami Im’s “Fighting for Love”) on the Gold Coast stage - just your typical soft club banger with tight red dressing reminiscent of Lady Gaga’s eccentric costume era and Courtney’s special stare:

I HAVE SPECIAL EYES

(what’s more hilolololarious is that Logo, who aired BOTH ESC AND RDP, has not gotten a renewed contract for Eurovision this year, which means that if Courtney DID win, the Muricans would not be able to see a drag alum they might have loved at some point! As they already cannot broadcast Lady Madge, the only American performing on show, flashing her covered-up sponge pudding. A devastation <3)

• Hey, let’s not underestimate the other acts, too! There were 6 others that I didn’t mention, and among them my favourites were Ella Hooper (as during her performance I felt like I was watching that Shania Twain concert DVD again with her outfit being as outstanding as in this video) and Alfie Arcuri (one of the other names I heard before just like Kate and Sheppard - it’s a homosexual guy that feels confident enough with his sexuality by turning his struggles to songs!), and Leea Nanos (a 16 year old girlie who, like Electric Fields, don’t really have fans, but she came here to have a good time and performed confidently enough for her age! *clap* *clap*) wasn’t so bad, either.

• Australia Decides as a whole is a thing to remember. Not too annoying hosts? Check. Beautiful introductionary postcards (involving the NF guys going around to enjoy nature, talking some more about themselves and a specific soundshape for each act at the end of each postcards)? Check. (Fun) Interviews with the contestants and interval acts?? Yeah, you can check that as well. Behind-the-scenes get-togethers of every one of the participants and them getting to partake in a fun questionnaire?? Wow, they even have that!!! All in all I admired this slick production, the smooth flow and the nice details that went into this whole event. Thumbs up on that one! First organisational pancake did not burn up.

• Then again, every single one of those nice ones have to have an ugly interval act hidden somewhere, like, the German drag-like caricature that appeared on AGT not so long ago, Hans from Adelaide, who did a Eurovision medley and included “Ooh Aah (Just a Little Bit)” in it as well... needless to say, the fandom didn’t approve of that, and obviously the Måns's version from EYD was better.

• Also also, what do other NFs don’t do that Australia Decides just did this year??? A REJECTED ENTRIES COMPILATION SHOWCASE!!! Damn straight! When was the last time you’ve seen one of these? At least SOME recognition given for those songs that were close enough but the NF compilers found much better songs than those ones so those other ones just didn’t get their chance... amazing considering I believe I’ve never seen a thing like that before. There indeed were some rejected NF songs that are marginably better than some from the actual list. And thanks to Australia Decides showing them, they’ll never be any other NFs rejects ever again, unlike the Melodifestivalen/DMGP/etc. ones. Yeehaw. Maybe this serves as a ladder of hope for those rejectees to get up and try again so we’ll see them in another edition?

• Let’s not forget Kate herself. She did come down at us as the Australian version of Statue of Liberty (as the title of this write-up suggests, youhouuuuu) that looks more like someone’s unused Miss Universe national costume, but still very goddamn dazzling. And the rando flying above her presence that couldn’t be “holding [her] down”. What would have been any other way to present a mental issues awareness song than that. Majestic. I’d printscreen her dress for this one in full motion but I’d rather put down this picture with a more interesting shirt choice walking nearby the Australian Eurovision songstress while she was getting down to be ready for her winner’s reprise. I’m sure you’ll be able to see the dress in this too!

(if only I could use some extra fries in life!! =( )

All in all, I applaud the Down Under-ners for a succesful kickstart in the NF business, and I really hope SBS invests in this more than just calling up DNA Productions again to find themselves a starlet from an old Australian Idol/X Factor season that’s of different descent as always and slap a pop tune onto their discography with which they gotta go with to ESC. Would be incredigood. Thanks.

I’ll wrap this cumbersome beauty up by wishing the whimsical beauty Kate all the best in Tel Aviv! Hope your infected foot did not ruin the fun for you, dear sis.

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #australia 2019 #kate miller-heidke #zero gravity #australia

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wannabanauthor · 7 years ago

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Seven Shades of Shit Book Review with Caitlyn Lynch: Chapter 6 Part 1

Hello everybody, and once again I’m reviewing Cassandra Dee’s Seven Brothers of Sin. It’s a horrible book so far, and I expect Chapter 6 to answer the question “Can this get any worse?”

Don’t forget to check out the lovely @caitlynlynch review as well! She is my partner in suffering at the moment. Her review will be linked here!

Here is the link to the masterpost.

Now onto the horror show…wait, I need some chocolate pie before I attempt to read this garbage.

This chapter is from Macy’s POV, and apparently she needs to recap everything.

I’m going to caption this as “Last Time on Seven Brothers of Sin…”

They’re probably drugging you, Macy. You should stay away from them. They’re weird as fuck.

This is a classic example of Plot Convenience, and it’s asking the readers for an unusually high Suspension of Disbelief threshold.

I’ve read taboo/pseudo-incest erotica that didn’t sound this creepy. You think I might be exaggerating, but I’m not. This author’s writing really is that bad.

I’d like to remind you of Caitlyn’s first chapter review where she mentions the possible child molestation that took place when the Morgan’s brothers played doctor with Macy 10 years ago when she was 8 years old.

I’d like to also reiterate that the taboo erotica I’ve read never ever mentions a sexual or romantic relationship/interest between the man and the woman before she was of legal age. Think about that for a moment. Erotica centering on step-family members fucking each other has better morals then a non-taboo erotic book. How’s that for a comparison?

Unless you’re actually a diagnosed sex-addict, you are not addicted to your vibrator. A lot of teenage girls masturbate, look at porn, and read romance novels. However, that should not be mentioned or referred to in this book since she was underage at the time it happened. If anything, the author could have focused on her playing with herself and everything when she was at college.

Bitch, Smith just touched you down there. You have six guys panting over you, and I guarantee you that men do not care about “how much flesh” is down there. They just want to fuck you. If that means they got to spread their fingers apart a little wider to pave the way, they don’t give a fuck. Pussy is pussy.

When did Macy make out with them? I don’t remember any kissing. You can’t be a slut without having sex. If you’re using a vibrator internally, then your hymen is not intact. One time I wrote a virgin character, and in order for her have a hymen, I made sure to mention that she didn’t finger herself or use tampons. But I’m just extra like that.

And when was Matt’s tongue on you? Continuity errors or I was just that drunk?

People have hang ups over food? No shit, Sherlock. Have you seen how the media pushes fatphobia to the point where parents will starve their growing kids just so they can be thin? Vegans care about animal rights and the negative effects of eating meat on the environment. Noble goal when they aren’t being classist, racist, fatphobic, and a whole bunch of other shit. Other people have dietary restrictions. Some just want to live a healthy lifestyle, and others have eating disorders. Fuck you for shitting on anyone’s diet and being dismissive about the real reasons behind it.

I’m sitting here trying to collect my thoughts to respond to this false rhetoric calmly, but fuck that. I give zero fucks anymore.

Macy, you’re not dumb or insignificant for taking pleasure in small things. You are dumb for a whole other list of reasons that I don’t care to get into right now. Feminists want equality, especially for women who like to do traditional “feminine” things. They want it to be a choice, not a requirement.

Macy, I’m going to stop you right there at “big careers”. Even my sorority sisters who are working for TV channels, our alma mater, famous companies, and or in government don’t have big and glamourous careers yet. Only the older ones who graduated a decade ago come close to that. If it makes you feel better, I don’t you being a tax expert, lawyer, or grad student. Your stupidity would cause someone to be audited, thrown in jail, pay a huge fine, or take up a valuable spot in a graduate program.

White privilege is calling your parents by their first name and not getting knocked the fuck out.

While I could go on a rant about her white privilege, I could also use this time to point out how utterly stupid she is. Does she think that everyone working a cubicle job wants to be there? No, a lot of them have bills to pay, so they do it anyway. A lot of them are also smart and work on their passion in their free time so that they can build up enough experience to eventually transition into doing their passion as a full-time job.

But then again, white privilege plays into this. It doesn’t even occur to her that she can do both. Every person of color is taught from birth that they need to have a side hustle for extra money or as a backup plan. I am one of the rare fortunate ones that has a day job that I love, and I get to be an independent author in my spare time. I am living proof that you can do both. My black coworkers at my current and former job all have businesses or side hustles. One of my former coworkers has a full-time job and ten companies that she runs.

Of course, Macy is too stupid to figure this out because she thinks she deserves to have everything fall into her lap at her convenience while the rest of us work our asses off so that we can survive and do what we love.

You’re going to be a fucking awful chef and cookbook author if that’s the case. Creating recipes requires equations, problem solving, presentations, and effective communication. And the kitchens in America are notorious for the verbal abuse that the cooking staff face. Even when I took a cooking class, the professor was blunt but honest. You don’t have the buoys to work in a kitchen. It’s not all fairy dust and daydreams.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She wants to self-publish, but she can’t problem solve or make presentations? Oh man, that is a disaster waiting to happen. Self-publishing is not easy. Anyone can write a book and publish it, but in order to be successful you have to research and study your ass off to actually sell your books. If they don’t sell, you have to analyze the situation and problem solve for a solution.

Keep this dumb bitch away from the kitchen. The following information took me five seconds to find:

Don’t use runny cheese on pizza, you fuckwit!

Is the virgin slut slut-shaming other women? Who would want the perfect resume? Who would want to drink and sleep around? She must be new here because that’s exactly what people tend to do to relieve stress.

You just made soggy pizza, you dipshit, so your comparison is correct. You’re not going to know what you’re doing, and you’re going to fuck it all up.

While her mom is right about the education and job part, she is also a humongous snobby privileged white bitch who just insulted every single cook and chef in existence. Well, if the bitch hates people who cook so much, she should just stop eating and save them the time.

Head, meet desk, please. Repeatedly.

Oh honey, you think you’ll start out at a high-class restaurant? You can’t do math, problem solve, or take criticism. All it takes is for one uppity rich white woman to complain about your food, and you’ll be fired for your incompetency. Well, after you finish crying your eyes out in front of everyone.

Macy, everyone knows what rushing is. I’ve been on the sorority side of it, and trust me, it’s a learning experience. You learn how to conduct two-way interviews, evaluate candidates, sell people an experience, and you end up networking with some of the women. If your dream is to be a celebrity chef, joining a sorority is the way to go. Once you pay your dues, you get instant access to thousands of women in every industry imaginable. You get an entire network of women willing to help you just because you joined an organization. Make fun all you want, but rushing is essentially convincing hundreds of young women to spend thousands of dollars per semester on an experience that has lifelong benefits. Sounds like the thing you need to do what you want to do.

I’m with Martha on this one.

You are as dumb as people think. You can go to culinary school after you graduate from college and get a job. Trade schools usually have a few class you can take during outside of 9-5.

You really are fucking clueless if you want a baby at eighteen even though you have no desire to go get a degree or get a monotonous job that pays the bills.

And where did this desire for a baby come from? You know what’s even harder than a college education and a boring job? A baby!

Sorry to burst your bubble, but breastfeeding can be very painful and frustrating. It’s one of those things they don’t usually tell women until after they’ve given birth. Or at least that’s what they do in the States. If you don’t believe me, go look at Chrissy Tiegen’s tweet after she gave birth when she said “they didn’t tell me that I’d be going home in a diaper too”.

Breastfeeding can be so difficult that lactation consultants exist. Sometimes the babies just don’t latch or just don’t want a nipple. My friend had trouble breastfeeding her first kid, but her second kid was a natural with breastfeeding. Then there’s the leaking milk, pumping milk, not producing enough milk. You need to study all this stuff before you have a kid.

Don’t kid yourself. You’re not smart enough to become a CEO.

This is exactly why you shouldn’t have a fucking baby! Even Domo Wilson waited until she was financially stable to get inseminated, and she had been wanting a child since she was a kid herself. She talked herself out of intentionally becoming a teen mom because she wanted to wait until she could actually provide for the child. She’s a lesbian too, so she had to pay some serious money for the entire insemination process.

You don’t know jack shit about any of those things, so you’re already off to a bad start.

(Tumblr is refusing to post all the photos, so this is a two-parter)

#seven shades of shit #book review with caitlyn lynch #seven brothers of sin #cassandra dee #the book from hell

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joshuazev · 7 years ago

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On fissure:

ESPN anchor Jemele Hill was disciplined a while ago for calling Donald Trump a white supremacist, which could be seen as a fact in most circles. I think they kept her off her show “The 6” for one day and her co-anchor Michael Smith took the day off as well as a way of showing support. ESPN issued a bullshit statement and Jemele released one of her own apologizing for allowing her beliefs to get in the way of the company she represented. Anyone who was looking at this situation could have seen that the dust had done anything but settle. This was of course in the midst of the Trump comments calling NFL players sons a bitches and the NFL as a league being faced with decisions of its own. Roger Goodell made a statement as well as some individual owners “denouncing” (I say it because they were tame denouncements) what Trump had said. Several of the owners, in fact, who had endorsed Trump and his presidency “stood by” their players. One however, a coffeecake, slithering, decrepit, piece of shit, Jerry Jones, made a statement, but anyone with two eyes and 20/20 vision could have seen through his transparent bullshit. I think at first he responded negatively to Trump and “supported” his players. He took it one step further later on by kneeling with his whole team before the anthem started for a nationally televised game, which—I’ll be honest, didn’t make much sense to me at all. It seemed pointless. It seemed like an empty gesture because despite being in unison with all of his players, they were deciding to avoid protesting the song that everyone was arguing about. Fast forward to Trump’s response to the owners. Let me remind you that during all of this time (and still to this day and for the foreseeable future) Puerto Rico is in shambles and Donald Trump is busy ignoring the relief efforts and is shooting towels into the hands of desperate Puerto Ricans, American citizens by the way. Jerry Jones decides to follow up by showing his true colors saying—and I paraphrase here, that if anyone from the Cowboys kneels during the anthem, they would not be playing in the game. This is the owner delivering an ultimatum in the sickest, most frightening of ways, maybe most of all because so many of his players—black players specifically—have probably felt an urge to protest but were never comfortable enough to do so. This would prevent them from protesting completely. The disturbing thing about all of this is that by delivering this type of statement Jones would be eliminating their right to free speech and would be caution somewhat of a mental crossroads: to play the game I love and not do anything in keeping silent or to have the game taken away from me by way of my right to express my opinions and beliefs. To go further, Jones was in many ways stripping these black players of their blackness. Jemele Hill saw this and took a firm stance. Firstly, she made it clear that it was not fair to blame the players in this situation because they were basically helpless. Instead, she that the responsibility lied on the shoulders of Cowboy fans to not only stop watching the games, but also to stop supporting the endorsers of the Cowboys. Take away Jones’ money. She said this through replies to people who had tweeted at her on social media. She had not made this statements in isolation, but in response. Somehow, ESPN deemed this as a similar tampering to what she had said previously. She was stating her opinion under the ESPN umbrella and this was a no-no, therefore she would be suspended for two weeks. WHAT!? What the fuck is that I say!? How fitting was it that this suspension came on the heels of a very sensitive week for NFL and woman journalists after Cam Newton demonstrated “sarcasm gone wrong” when he smarmily responded with surprise when one reporter asked him a detailed question about the route running of one of his receivers. The media was in a uproar. Feminists were going crazy. Danon took away his endorsement and then gave it to Dak Prescott. It was a poor decision for sure, but this was also a woman who years ago made extremely racist and insensitive remarks and used the “n” word. Did that excuse Cam from further showing that he has not matured in ways that people hoped he might by now? Of course not. Am I siding with Jourdan Rodrigue, the victim and reporter in that news conference. Nope. I’m drawing attention to the reaction she got and the support she received from the media community. Jemele Hill. I’m looking at the news and there are several people who saw the hypocrisy in all of this and several others who know that Jemele has been treated absolutely unfairly in this situation. What did she do wrong? What is ESPN doing by making this type of statement? There have been calls to boycott ESPN. I can get down with that. That’s a flawed company. A company that crumbling as seen by all of the recent firings and dismissals of long time correspondents. Shit, even other ESPN anchors know that Hill’s situation is a whiplash head shaker. Meanwhile, protest haters are calling for a boycott of the NFL as long as people still knee for the flag. Simultaneously, protest supporters are boycotting the NFL and their owners for the treatment of players exercising their rights to PEACEFUL PROTEST. The NFL and ESPN can’t win right now and I could care less. I mean, I do care, mainly because a nationwide division that I was naive to forever seems to be growing bigger and bigger. What will come of this I ask? I kneel with Kaep and I kneel (stand) with Jemele Hill. It’s important to recognize those who have been wronged and these cases are as clear as day.

…

Harvey Weinstein got fired from his own company. Harvey, of course, along with his brother ran The Weinstein Company, one of the biggest and most popular production companies in Hollywood. Why was he fired you might ask. Well, Harvey had a long long history of being a sick man. A very very sick man. A known harasser, a known pervert to women, and a known powerful man for all of the wrong reasons. Harvey Weinstein was as much a part of the negative stigma associated with Hollywood as any other huge production exec that was based on offering ascent within the industry in return for sexual favors. I think if you’re an actor you’ve heard these stories and maybe some have even experienced them in different ways, more up close and personal. We know the mythology of the casting couch. The sad thing is we are know reminded that these despicable myths might be closer to reality than we had thought or we chose to ignore. The allegations against Weinstein stretched over three decades. Three fucking decades. I know some will look at this through the same lens as the Cosby accusations. One person comes forward giving the “opportunity” and strength to others to do the same thing. You can always choose to look at that way, but you’d be a humongous fucking ignoramus if you did. All of this comes from a New York Times article released in the past week that details all of the allegations by many many women of Weinstein’s wrongdoing. You can read it if you want, but it’s going to make you sick to your stomach. You know what else might? Knowing that for the time being he’s going to be the fall guy in this situation. I don’t doubt for one minute that there is something like this going on at some level in every big production company, agency, you name it. Will this lead to more punishment or will this blow over? What will come of this I ask? I commend all of the women that are standing behind the brave women that have come forward. This is amazing courage during an extremely vulnerable time. Meryl Streep at one point was one of Weinstein’s champions. She called Weinstein a God. At one point. We do all remember what she said during her incredible acceptance speech during the last Golden Globes or Academy Awards though, right? (I forgot which one). Her tone and stance has done a complete 180, I’d say. From all my time watching Oscar speeches I remember another mention, one by Robin Williams, thanking the “mishpucha” Weinsteins. Yikes. Matt Damon and Russel Crowe supposedly tried to shut down a 2004 article or something or other that detailed Weinstein’s harassment. Double Yikes. For all those who don’t know, “mishpucha” means family in Hebrew. I’m not blaming Robin or Meryl. Maybe they were kept in the dark. Maybe Russel and Matt were too and were just defending their friends. According to their inner circle, people knew about the Weinstein’s shady behavior. Who knows. Who knows.

…

Joel Embiid is a center, 23 years old, for the Philadelphia 76’ers. He’s 7 feet tall. He was drafted in 2014 and missed his first two seasons due to injury. Last year he played 31 games before getting injured again. I kind of feel bad for the guy, just like I kind of felt bad for Derrick Rose. So, quick math. 31 games in three seasons. I think my math is correct. Today, the Sixers signed him to a five year-$148 million dollar contract.

I’m done.

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