#in case you felt like crying
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just thinking about how in hopeless war cherry says “you’ll still be the losers destined to fail and we’ll be the lucky ones” and then in stay gold Johnny and pony sing “can’t you see that we’re the lucky ones”
because while the socs are lucky with money and privilege, the greasers have love and family that they wouldn’t trade for the world.
#Just in case you guys felt like crying!#I love this parallel so much oh my god#jean has thoughts#the outsiders musical#the outsiders broadway
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Vague Conspiracy 52 spoilers
Guilt Trip.
#criminal case#Gabriel Herrera#criminal case the conspiracy#digital art#digital drawing#artists on tumblr#like#I think about Gabriel's reaction around David's attempt a lot#imagine that you are the person who is taking care of your coworker who is a very emotionally driven person#and said person just lost someone he loves so much#that he cannot tlak or anything wihout crying his eyes out#and being a sobbing mess#you lose sight one second#and suddenly hes on the ground withour breathing because he overdosed on the sedatives that you have and apply on him to calm himself#the guilt he must have felt must have been huge#i think about it a lot#i wanna analyze it so bad
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Need you guys to manifest luck (all of it) for me because dear lord clerking a 2 weeks on-going DKA cases with low medication compliance + HF within 5 hours nearly ended me
#i felt like crying LMFAO#dead#you know its bad when even the physician was confused about the i/o and bcs test#good news: they are sparring us from this case to find new ones for me tomorrow#[takpe I cari kes lebih sesuai utk level u ok?]#YEAH I HOPE SO#😭#gummmyspeaks
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Everytime I think I understand the degree to which Ursula K. LeGuin Got It™ she hits me with another life revelation
#i just finished the other wind and when i tell you how beautifully jarring it is#to have someone put into words almost precisely how you feel about life and death and the meaning in both#and this is something i was just like reflecting on today thinking about how j was brought up#and how my belief of how to live a meaningful life and what may happen upon death changed as i did#and how i feel so much the better for it#and then here come ms leguin with another fucking homerun that knocked me to my knees crying#like it was just so poignantly beautiful and felt like everything i had felt#in any case this is your push to go read earthsea#earthsea#the other wind
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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Ronnie, you are enough just as you are. Samantha
#your honour#them#i rest my case#guess who re-listened to mummy issues thinking they won't cry and then proceeded to burst out crying cause of this quote#how did i spend more time writing the words than actually drawing them?#i wrote 'you' so many times it no longer looks like a word#the progression of emotions felt whilst drawing was something else#a literal roller coaster#samantha stampler#ron stampler#ron x samantha#dndads#dungeons and daddies#dndaddies#dndads s1#best 'R' i have written in my life#also#Ron made Samantha's bracelet#it took forever#but it was him#my art#dndads fanart
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Chapter 622
#naruto#madara#madara uchiha#uchiha madara#hashirama flashback#+ hashirama#[FBI looking through my laptop voice] why the fuck have you been looking at this and crying for the past 3 hours#Also fun fact: I used to not really like the language of ''revealing your guts'' I felt it was just very ugly and un-poetic phrasing#But I've come to appreciate it in the sense that it conveys a pretty thorough idea of vulnerability that reveals a lot of how Madara#perceives it.#His phrasing of revealing vulnerability is incredibly visual; people quite literally opening themselves up for him to see. Related is how#his greatest discomfort is people standing behind him. You know. where he can't see them.#Also most Uchiha characters having common motif threads related to their eyes.#In Madara's case they're tied specifically to how he'd like to have full awareness and understanding of what's around him; and by extension#he'd like to have a measure of influence over them.#Something standing where he can't see it though he knows it's there is the most vulnerable position he can imagine himself in.#In multiple different ways! In this particular panel it's mostly related to trust and emotional vulnerability.#Which is a very fun character trait to have when you grow up in the conceiling yourself and backstabbing profession#And you are also very fatalistic and under the impression that people just can't change#you WOULD think the only solution would be if everyone could just magically rip themselves open
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“ And it hurts so much! Life is suffering. It is hard! The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep on living." ... "I don't regret a thing, you know. I don't regret the struggles. I don't regret the hardships. The pain. The sorrow. And I've seen so much of it! But still. I don't regret what I've done or how I've lived my life. I just wish the world had been a better place. A better place for them, for us... But surely, a better place for you, my dear." ... "I feel like a vast vessel, with so many dusty rooms and cabins... I have so many of them... So many memories... Some of them are gone, but some of them... Some of them will live on forever. In you, in others. ”
- Astrid, Spiritfarer Farewell Edition
#just in case it was not clear#astrid was probably my favorite spiritfarer character#and im very emo about this quote of hers#shes just such an icon. one of the most versatile characters in terms of perks#shes so cute. she unionizes a company. shes a ww2 survivor and risked her life protecting children#and shes just so heckin cute#i wanted to take even more of the quote but i felt like this part encapsulates most of what i wanted#I feel like a vast vessel with so many dusty rooms and cabins... I have so many of them... So many memories...#im not cryings youre crying#i really feel this quote lately though so i wanted to share it#i put it as my discord status but that didnt feel like quite enough this time around#this is one of those 'can you believe this amazing thing was said by an [insert character here]' things#astrid was like a top three for me along with stanley and probably gustov#i say this even though i got attached to literally all of the characters#except giovanni. could not sympathize a lot with giovanni#its like gwen is wonderful but she leaves you so quickly#bruce and mickey are great but they take a while to grow on you#atul is so lovely but he just LEAVES YOU and also his banging upsets everyone#im not over atul leaving. will never be over it. i stopped the game and googled it because i kept thinking he would come back#elena and jackie and daria are weird ones. i like them but im not sure i love them#alice is another one who is so hecking cute#i think alice and stanley and astrid were the saddest goodbyes for me#i loved them so much but also they were just sad on their own. stanley is just a kid#alices dementia is so long lasting and heartbreaking to witness#and astrids rapid deterioration after giovanni leaves hits very close to home for me#anyway im rambling again but i just love astrid so much what a queen she deserved better than giovanni#astrid#astrid (spiritfarer)#spiritfarer#spiritfarer farewell edition
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kicking my feet up bc finding good analysis of things i like has me very 🥰🥰🥰🥰
#i found a twitter thread on mei's characterization during lament of hte fallen and about her mischaracterization in fandom#tbh im not active in the fandom to know how they see mei#i did hear though there were a lot of people who dont like mei which :( makes me sad#i love mei sm actually asdlkfajljh#but the thread was just sO good and it makes me happy#because i always felt weird that people said mei would sacrifice the world for kiana#that is not the case at all#i dont think mei would exactly. shed sacrifice herself though thats clear#shed sacrifice herself the way kiana would ALSO sacrifice herself to save the world#its sort of a 'the town which i dont exist' situation in which mei would rather disappear if it means kiana and the world is happier#that other post thats like 'i love the world because it has you in it' too#but like idk thats how i felt about mei and then i got confused or thought i misunderstood the situation asdljfah#but augh#i just love mei#IM SURPRISED I DO#BECAUSE I WAS VERY NEUTRAL ON HER WHEN WE FIRST STARTED#SO WHY EVERY OTHER DAY AM I CRYING ABOUT HER#sprawls on the floor i just want her to be happy and live with kiana please :(#it doesnt help that eitan and i got to the start of mei's downfall (we reached the starfall animation) and my god.#just thinking about all the thoughts mei mustve had#mei coming to save kiana but kiana protecting mei first against natasha and then the whole BOMB SITUATION BY WORLD SERPENT#SHAKES AND CRIES ON THE FLOOR#and then mei going after kiana and durandal taking kiana away#the scene in which mei is chasing after the trail of light that is impossible to reach#is such a perfect visual of what was going on for mei#and it makes me sO sad#avil plays hi3#anyways ily mei
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#welcome to another installment of: angel spits out all his thoughts about autism cause if he keeps them inside his head will explode#in today's episode: is it possible that my ''panic attacks'' have been autistic meltdowns all this time?#then answer is maybe!#ok so i was watching this youtube video from channel I'm autisticn now what? (check it out it's great!)#and meg was talking about the different types of autistic meltdowns and how they might manifest#and then in the comments people were discussing autistic meltdowns vs panic attacks and how cofused they used to be about them#and that got me thinking... there's a big thing that needs to happen during a panic attack for it to be a panic attack#and that is anxious thoughts... many people talk about fear of death during panic attacks#and that was never my experience. I don't feel like I'm going to die when I have these ''attacks''#they feel painful and like i'm completely out of control but my head is quite clear in that regard#i always thought it was because i don't think dying is like The Worst thing that could happen to me so maybe that was why#and it never ocurred to me that it could be an autistic meltdown because i always saw those as ''little boy hits his head against the wall'#(horrible i know) but it's more than that! (plus i sadly started self harming when the ''attack'' is too bad so not i fit that idea lol)#it's the uncontrollable crying. the throwing anything you have at hand across the room. the not being able to utter words#(other than ''no'' in my case) it's the complete lack of control#and that fits so much more to what i experience! i even related to meg's personal anecdote about a meltdown she had as a child#being separated from my mom made me go into full panic modes as a kid and that was seen as a tantrum but it was more than that to me!#and as an added bonus the only therapist i've ever seen in my life used to call my panic attacks ''pseudo-panic attacks''#because even she felt it didn't quite fit in the description (not that she was a good therapist so i can't put her as an example lol)#but anyways... yeah every day that goes by i'm more and more convinced I am autistic and it scares me to fucking death#because of the way my mom reacted when i first raised the question. so yeah this is for nothing lol nothing will change in my life#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#angel talks#personal
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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the music we loved as kids really sticks with us, huh?
#personal#this is about save rock and roll by fall out boy btw#the album yeah but also the song specifically#a song that used to feel like the rallying cry of my teenage angst now feels like a celebration that i made it this far#you ARE what you love NOT who loves you#i define who i am#no one else#i remember listening to this at 15 when i felt so lost and confused as to who i was#i just feel like ive come full circle in a way#fall out boy#save rock and roll#tagging those in case someone sees this and Gets It
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Bahhh
#been feeling crummy#doesn't help my eliptical machine finally gave up#but I've been obsessing again#i hate it when I do this because I don't feel like I have any control over it#no matter how hard I distract myself I just keep thinking about the pains and stuff#this morning I couldn't stop thinking about how abandoned I feel/felt#yesterday and today i just feel ugly. unsightly.#and i wanna make friends but also i know I'm super intense with my feelings and reactions.#and i know. we just live inna day and age where people just. don't have the patience for it#it feels like if i ever complain to anyone they'll just abandon me and complain about how like#self absorbed and emotional I am#and I know this is all irrational but when it actually happens to you when the worst case scenario actually happens#you get so jumpy and frightened#my problems seem so intense and so much cause everytime I bring it up I judt get hit with#“oh.” or “wow.” or “im sorry.”#and its like you're clearly uncomfortable! and now I feel bad! and its like I can never tell anyone whats wrong.#and the few people who do listen I can never get them to talk to me in normal circumstances#so i feel like you're a therapist more than a friend and thats worse bc its like im using you#vent#i just feel like crying but I know it wont fix anything and i'll just get another nose bleed
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#wait people use the 😭 emoji as a laughing emoji??? what ..? lmaooo#well just in case if you see me using the 😭 emoji under your gifset I'm not laughing I'm actually crying bdbdbd#i laugh like this 😂🤣#this is so random but i felt like putting it out there lol#personal
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Everytime I think I understand the degree to which Ursula K. LeGuin Got It™ she hits me with another life revelation
#i just finished the other wind and when i tell you how beautifully jarring it is#to have someone put into words almost precisely how you feel about life and death and the meaning in both#and this is something i was just like reflecting on today thinking about how j was brought up#and how my belief of how to live a meaningful life and what may happen upon death changed as i did#and how i feel so much the better for it#and then here come ms leguin with another fucking homerun that knocked me to my knees crying#like it was just so poignantly beautiful and felt like everything i had felt#in any case this is your push to go read earthsea#earthsea#the other wind
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i am going to save your ass you are not going to kill yourself and you will find happiness and purpose and everything is going to be ok. i am going to pull a fucking madoka with these timelines. dying and resetting and dying and resetting and going through like a fuck ton of other paths to find answers but it is all so you survive and can live happily. i will protect this fucking smile with my life.
#even if tempest spoilers#ALL FOR YOU TRANS KING ALL FOR YOU#this game is really rearranging my brain chemistry sorry if i sound unhinged. i am unfortunately just like this.#this isnt usually the case it usually takes a bit for my fave to really sink in and i can usually focus on individual routes#but so far im just. this is all for him this is All For Him.#do you know how much during this route (its not even his) i have had to take a break just to cry a bit over him.#they showed a quick flashback to his suicide and i felt like physically ill i had to step away#(all the routes of this game are on one file that keeps sending you back to the character selection. so it Remembers.)#ghostly ramblings
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