#in case yiu didnt know!!

[namistangerinee]

☆ url change

tangerinesungchan to namistangerinee

tagging moots! @hirokari @nyukyujs @jaehunnyy @ohdudehesflirting @justalildumpling

[unsung-idiot]

hello!!! i just wanted to let ya know in case yiu didnt already your artwork was stolen and posted on tiktok! the user is: alyasimp44 !! have a good day!!

hey!! ah great... well, guess it was just a matter of time until that happened.

i'm only active on tumblr and have no idea what's going on on tiktok and co. so thanks for letting me know!!

have a good day too!

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

You used to be mine

You used to me mine/he used to be mine I wrote this in like 10 min...so yea

Purse angst writing is like my therapy now lol 18+ just in case mention if fluf just angst.

You used to be mine is a song from the musical waitress but I got that phrase itself got stuck in my head for more than one reason I feel like I should turn it into a song

You used to be mine. We were happy. The little kisses the holding hands the shared laughes and my giggles as you for some god unknown reason tried to tickle me. The spark in your eyes,

You used to be mine.

We used to be awake at night talking. I'd struggle to stay up on days where I was so very tired and I knew you had days that were the same. And you comming back was such a a happy joyus time. From the deep kisses one would think you just came back from war. And in a way you had. Now its a mix of sadness and joy because I diny know if things had mm of you slipping away but still.. id give anything to get them back again because you used to be mine.

I honestly don't know what day things changed I wish I could pinpoint it but I do remeber the day when I went its diffrent. You had flown in and I went to you hurriedly to hug like always like a repeate but you you didnt I barely got a hug it was like something was holding you back like you couldn't smile. I wrote it off to a long day, a bad day pushing everything else in the back of my mind like how you'd still look at me diffrent happier, relaxed even on days you were tired and could barely keep your eyes open. I used to be your source of comfort on days where you were pissed off. But then again you used to be mine.

Things slowly slipped unit was too much for me to bear or too little and I cried I mourned our relationship but it made me wonder if we had one at all was it dead long before I noticed. Did you...did yiu play me was I just some pawn to keep you warm on lonely nights. Your demeanor had changed everything about you had changed. I know people grow but this it was too sudden it was too much. Like it pained you to look at me but I wasnt going to let go without.... without you doing it first no, no I wasnt going to be the one to blame for thr fall because, somewhere one time youreally were I know it in my heart even if my mind is wondering I know you used to be mine.

Holding on my a thread was an overstatement. It was like we were going through the motions that were lifeless zombies dont even fit the bill. But still I loved your presence and I was going to hold on as much as I could for as long as I could. And I did whatever I could.

Because you used to be mine

Maybe you could remember

One day the last day of your visit "hey come on sit doen," you had said with just softness and Monessen such love like you had before I saw the love. For a brief flash I had seen love but there was sadness in your eyes after. I knew it was coming and at least you had t he heart by to do it in person. I know it wasnt only because you were a good person but because I was yours and you used to be mine.

I wasnt going to pretend to be strong and not cry. I did you just held me. You had no words just your arms and a sniffle or two. Yiu had said it was nothing I did. Nothing I could've done better. Or diffrent I had been perfect thst I was perfect. But it just things change. They do he was right he changed.

And thats who my tears were for the man you used to be... the man he used to be. It was like he died I don't know why . But the man in front of me wasn't the one I had a relationship with he wasn't mine. He wasn't my human or my person. He was just something else.

But then there were ds softly spoken barely heard words.. sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry. On repeate diffrrnt mixes of first s third but by hey were there there. He had stayed that night. I'll never understand why. He had left in the morning. He had held me and for a bit it was like it was when he used to be mine

I had woken up and just watched him sleep knowing it would be th last time. Then I had fallen back asleep I had always wondered if he had done the same. Il don't think ill ever have an answer. That morning I had woken before he left but I know he did know. He had bent down moved hair from my face. Whispering as long as the (thought) hd could without "waking" me

"I never wanted to hurt you."

He continues

"You'll see its better for you."

I didnt move a muscle. I needed to know everything

"I live for you. I love you"

He kissed me

"You'll always have my heart."

"I'll always be yours."

I wonder if that man is somewhere still out there alive or if the man he is now is just a holle a shell of mystery, a shell of himself. a puppet of the man who used to be mine

That man I'll always love though the man who used to be mine.

Epilogue: I will never believe that the man never was mine

Tag list

@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @hawkeyes-queen @patzammit @sparklybarbarianninja

[wingdingle]

i mean the internet is kind of just a big public space where you can go up to people and go back in time to see all the stupid shit theyve ever said when they werent thinking too hard about it, and nobody is face to face so you stop seeing people as human beings and strangers living their own lives out and start seeing an entity to fight over small shit. like.

say you are in real life and youre in a group of people. someone mentions that nuclear waste is not as bad as coal waste, an opinion you disagree with. now other people might also disagree with it around you and yiu may all band together to change this persons mind but depending on the dynamic of the group everyone might try to move on with the conversation because the fight isnt worth it, and then if you wanted to talk bout it youd have to talk to that person in private about it. key word is private, not where everything is logged and able to be screenshotted and people can shit on you for weeks on end over it. this shit does not happen on the internet! or it can and it does but it often doesnt. people move without discretion a significant amount of the time they spend on public forums like social media. you would look insane irl if you just walked up to someone you didnt know and told them you disagreed with their opinion and theyre a little bitch. those arent conversations to have with strangers except in very dire cases, like in the case of bigotry and brutality... anywahs yeah

[figbian]

things i find embarrassing but are not: requesting closed captioning in a class that has four students bc i feel like some how this makes me feel less qualified for a class i legitimately had to email the professor to qualify for and so i have written proof i’m qualified for

[mustbedead]

First post I guess. Anyways, gonna rant. So I'm pretty sure we all know the meddling best friend trope. Just in case you don't, it's basically where the bestfriend, friend and or siblings are really invested in the main characters love life, like unhealthy so. Ok so back on topic, I was reading this mha fanfic and basically the plot is that izuku is like lusting over bakugou. He accidentally sends some of the horny messages to the class groupchat or whatever. OK so this is actually a really interesting if a bit overdone plot for me to read. However the way they use the characters to move along the story slowly became boring and really annoying. They made all izuku's classmates- especially Mina- basically so invested with Izuku's love life. Anyways to get his classmates of his back he tells them it's Shindo to which then they add him to the groupchat. This is honestly interesting cause I haven't read one where they use shindo at all in these type of stories. To which then Ochako decides to just tell the girls that Izuku was lying and that it was Bakugou. I know that this is a really popular way of getting the meddling friends involved. They always hadlve the one friend that knew and doesn't say anything but the minute anyone suspects they just up and tell them. For me this feels like a breaking if trust because why are you telling people (even if it is other friends) something the mc obviously didnt want them to know. So after this happens it basically becomes a shipping war where the girls are basically meddling to try and get Izuku and Bakugou together. However, how they go about it feels like belittling I think is the right word. The way they talk about who they want to ship Izuku feels like fangirls talking about shipping real life people. Oh by the way the ships are Shindeku (Shindo and Izuku), TodoDeku and obviously BakuDeku. The entire time no one actually asks Izuku what he wants like at all. If it was me I would be so upset and embarrassed that all my classmates are arguing about who I should date because I accidentally let my horniness blind me which caused me to send horny texts to my class groupchat. Especially since they seem to not care about what I think. Seriously they have a whole ass poll (which was I must admit was funny) and it only set in how bad what they are doing when he leaves and then yiu know what they do when he comes back and even immediately after he leaves they meddle. It got even worse because Shindo and Izuku had a plan to get Bakugou to finally man up and ask him out. Then Shindo joins the girls in they shipping groupchat. The only reason I allow this is because Shindo was personally asked by Izuku to help him and Bakugou get together. However there's one thing in this fic that i have to bring up there is literally no such thing as privacy and respecting others privacy in this fic. They literally screenshot PM's and send it to other people not even caring if the other person wanted to keep it private. The only people who are a exception are Jiro and Shoji and even them I'm side eying because being forced to hear everything in your dorms and I understand you don't want this but literally sending full on conversations that people were having to other people who can't hear to fuel your own selfish desire to see that person with someone of your choosing is selfish and not good. What makes this worse is that Izuku obviously wants to get with Bakugou because duh that's what the author wants. The reason that makes it worse is because their meddling while selfishly squandering his privacy for their own desire to see him with the person of their choosing is working in his favor so he just LET'S IT HAPPEN. LIKE WHAT IM SORRY I WOULD NEVER RISK MY PRIVACY TO BE WITH ANYONE. Honestly I kinda want a story where they do this only to get scolded by the MC and the friend with their head on their shoulders for not respecting people's privacy and that the main character does not end up with their person of choosing just to spite them. Oh I forgot to mention the teacher know and do nothing.

[diavolosthots]

I’m so excited your ask box is open, I love your writing! 💗 If it’s okay, Maybe you could write something with Satan and MC where he’s reading in the library, but keeps getting distracted by her (even tho she’s just doing her own thing), until he decides to just go for it with her—either by telling her sweetly or slamming her against the books and making out? I’m not picky, whatever you like! 😊 I hope this sparks something in that fantastic imagination, but no biggie if it doesn’t!Thank you!💙

I ALWAYS SEE YOU IN MY COMMENTS YIU GENUINELY MAKE ME SO HAPPY BB I HOPE YOURE DOING OKAY 💖💖💖💖💖💖

Distractions (SATAN X F!READER)

It was becoming rather bothersome, seeing you across from him. It wasnt even that you were distracting. You werent loud, or noisy, definitely not nosy. You werent in revealing clothes, tempting him with your body. You werent even focused on him!

No. You were doing something worse. You were sitting there, in silence, reading away just as he had been for the past few hours. But there was something... Not right about that. Starting with the fact that you look way too cute for your own good furrowing your eyebrows like that every time something seemingly interesting happened in the book.

Then it was that chewing you did on your bottom lip. Was there tension between the characters? Was there a not-so-innocent scene in the book you were reading? Was it that you almost figured out the mystery the book had to offer? He didnt know, but he couldnt look away from that damn lip between your teeth. God, to be that lip...

You also constantly bounced your leg up and down. Had it been anyone else, he would have found it irritable. But it wasn't anyone else, it was you. And in your case he wondered if it was because of nervousness or boredom; the plot twist in the book, or the fact that you weren't alone.

But the worst part was that you were in his territory. You were on his playing field; in an area that he knew like the back of his hand. Like you knew the ins and outs of your body. Was it a mistake? Was it simply your thirst for knowledge bringing you here just like it brought him here? Or did you carefully seek him out because you, too, wanted something more... ?

Slowly, he rose, setting the book down quietly. He stared at you, too intrigued by the book in your hands to notice him approaching you, until his shadow loomed over your body. "Satan..?" He startled you. Your eyes found his; he looked angry. Had you done something? No... You were just reading.

You watched him lean over you, his hands grasping the armrests on either side of your chair, successfully trapping you. " Do you have any idea how distracting you are?" Your eyes watched his; was it the bouncing of the leg? "Oh! I'm sorry. I bounce my leg when I'm really into something. I will stop!" Cute, but not what he meant.

Shaking his head, his eyes fell onto your lips, "no. Not that. You come in here, into my space, looking absolutely adorable and then you have the audacity to bite that lip of yours, acting as if I wouldn't notice." His voice sounded angry, but you knew that wasnt it. "I'm... Sorry?"

He chuckled, taking his hand off the armrest to lift up your chin, "I dont believe that." He didn't give you time to think about it, pressing a long awaited kiss to your lips instead. He barely pulled away, smirking and opening his eyes again to look at your flushed state. "Maybe think about that next time before you tempt me again." And with that, he left, taking his book with him and leaving you in that chair, confused and kind of embarrassed, with the taste of his lips still tingling on yours.

[aykio411]

I just had a nightmare about a stalker

Right so, this is a weird nightmare I had and I’m pretty startled by it;

I was in a grocery store with an old japanese couple, I seemed to be shopping with them and helping them around, the old man (om) was decent in structure. He could walk and talk without assistance. The old woman (ow) was also like this for now. I walked around the store with them sweating bullets because I’m taking Japanese as a class but I really don’t know much at all so if they ask me a question I’m gonna look dumb and stupid.

Of course on command om begins to speak Japanese but I just give him a I’m sorry I don’t understand look, he then handed me a candy and I said thank you, thinking that’s what he told me and ate it. They continue shopping while I feel bad about not helping more. I decide to chew some gum as they begin to pay, remembering how you have to offer some to your elders as respect I offer some to ow and she takes it, I try to give some to om and he is more hesitant. Then I remember you have to reject something three times before you accept it in Japan culture so I proceed with that, not getting the hint he doesn’t want to. OW comes in and in Japanese (I can’t understand) says something along the lines of its good, take it. He takes the gum and we walk outside and down the block to a house.

The old man as we walked into the house told me he also spoke Spanish (which I know) so I began to joke around and get to know them from there. He tells ss something like my wife is so old I’m glad for your help. I look at the old woman and she seems way older and way more fragile than she was. She was oddly holding on to me for support and seemed like she was on her last week of a long life. I freaked out and helped her inside.

The house was their house, is had large stairs going up about two floors; the stairs lead to a living room and from there the house. The room was light up by sunlight from the windows. The house had an old feel to it, the couches were covered in clear plastic, you could see dust in the sun rays. It looked old, but the old when embroidery was everywhere, the laps were in tables and small, the had glass with another lightbulb as the stand for the actual light source that’s covered with the hat thing. The carpet was a weird shade of brown, the paintings of the sea covered with dust. The cabinet filled with fancy plates and cups sat in the corner. It was a comforting yet stuffy feeling like something wasn’t right.

The old man looking younger than he was a few seconds ago, takes the weak old woman to her room. I put down my backpack as sit on the couch waiting for the man to come back. When he came back we had a conversation about something but I can’t remember what it. He suddenly got up and started to yell at me in perfect english. I was scared but I don’t remember why he started yelling, but at the end, I remember he said, “I TRIED TO WARN YIU BUT YOU DIDNT LISTEN. NOW YOU PAY THE PRICE WOTH THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS.” And

Everything went dark

I’m not sure what happened, I think I fainted? But I woke up still on the couch with the man no where to be seen, I remembered the old lady and felt like I should get her out of there too. I went into her room and took her outside, telling her to stay put and I’ll be back. I went back to get my backpack but I felt someone starring at me. I got my backpack, put it on and sprinted out once I knew someone was in fact creeping.

I helped the old woman up and we began to walk away from the house twords a bus stop. I looked around and realized it was the path I take from the school to the bus and that I have passed that house almost every day for three years now. I freaked out and picked up the old woman and ran to the Main Street only to find two things had happened; the old woman I was carrying turned into a baby, and the bus stop and street had turned into a market place much like a flea market. I weaved pass the crowd as I still felt in danger. I looked behind me and there he was. It was a teen, around my age, he looked insane, his pupils small, his face smiling, his movement mimicking mine. I freak out more and being to just push people out of the way trying to get away from him. I eventually bump into a woman who just knows something is wrong. She gets into a car with another woman and tells me again if something is wrong. I look back to see the guy still following me so I hand them the baby, they act happy and comment on what a beautiful baby she is and with that I start running again.

I run against the crown for a while and the market turns into a bee and hornet market. I’m stepping in peoples honey and wax combs. I run into swarms of hornets, into more people. I wanted to stop but I was too scared to stop, I know someone is behind me, he’s gonna do terrible things to me out of “love”. I end up running into my aunt and my old elementary/middle school crush. My aunt gives me attitude for bumping into her as she does and I just start crying, I ask her to help me because I’m being chased. She gives me a pitiful look and gets on the phone. My old crush (crush) comforts me and looks around to protect me in case he shows up again. My aunt gets off the phone and tells me to get into this big black SUV.

My uncle is in the driver seat and is concerned out of his mind, my aunt takes shotgun while me and crush take the backseat where he continues to attempt to protect me. We drive off into a high way, I get a glimpse of the stalker. He looks devistated and angry. Our eyes making contact, his almost said betrayal. We continue down the highway and it’s turning into night.

We were cursing for a few minutes when the car gets hit from behind. My uncle is trying to get control of the car and I look back to see a couple in another SUV with the stalker in the back. He looks enraged and psychotic. He said something and I only saw his mouth move but I felt as if he said he was going to have me, on way or another. I start to cry again with crush hugging me to comfort and protect me. My uncle gains control of the car and somehow we lose the couple.

We are now driving down some streets instead of the highway and I determine we are driving to my school. My aunt looks back and says we are here but when we get out, it’s just a random building. It looked like the back of my school but it just wasn’t it. We walk to the building hoping it can help but it didn’t. Then the back door opened, and my stalker came out.

He began to walk twords me, eager to take me away. He moved too smoothly for the look in his face. It was the same as the first time I saw him. His eyes intense with his smile wide and cheerful. He was dressed well which made me all the more uncomfortable and afraid. He walked closer but just then, he tripped an alarm for the building and was attacked by the security system. Me and the group ran to the car and sped away, I looked back and there he was in the middle of the road. Sad and alone.

We drived to my school, and actually got there, we were at the back of it and when I got out of the car, I saw my friend group there, they all turned to look at me and they all looked worried. I was relived to see them but I felt it, he was back, crush was behind me but quickly hugged me and shielded me from him. I didn’t see his because I began bawling into crushes shoulder but I knew the stalker was there. I looked at my group of friends and saw my boyfriend get up and walk to me and crush, I immediately went to him and cried on to him instead.

I looked up to see my stalker, and I regret it. His face, was crying too, he was sad and jealous, he had regret and anger in his eyes. He looked almost done, like his world had been shattered. He stood defeated but I knew he wanted me. He wanted to do terrible things. He wanted to keep me forever no matter how I felt. He would stop at nothing to get me. The more I looked at him the more scared I got. The feeling becoming intense, I couldn’t breathe, it felt like I was drowning in the feeling of fear and disbelief. I began to cry and that’s when I woke up, I was sweating and I had tears in my eyes.

And that was my nightmare. I don’t think I’m getting any sleep tonight, I still see his face in my head and I’m really scared. I know it’s just a nightmare but. It seemed to real?

[livelaughlove143sworld-blog]

I am so proudv#proudmommabm

I love myy 👧 👧 👧 girls. Cherish any moment you get to together. I was thtreated at gun point so i They all had such horrible lice!i had to give chas a treatment all. Not going to leave anyway. But feared for my children who didnt baith. The. The all had headlice so bad i had to use two kits on her(and that hapoened she came from over there to stay the night. My kids power and water was shut off, (but they still had the internet to play the placre s f tation. Kristy sold her food ssmtamps for drugs an cigarettes. Savanah didnt kmlike ne even though they have been together since she was 16. Everything he knows in bed , i taught him when were

Sexualy active(willingly???😭)

I made him into a man. When we first got together, he didnt shower, brush his teat or chang his clithes.  He was to much in hid driver game.

He had the a thing for "resident evil" and " madden"

He sn

Moked weed from the time he was nine. He got a ninth grade education 3x! Wow. Right now he has kidnapped my youngest, chasitie. Be will not give me her addre$ even though the "told"her i know. The mother fucker has abused me long enough. Its time to x

Stand up and face the croud. So 🚺 ladies a gentlemen

Stand up for yiu kids yneed to be patient, loving, ❤ careing, kind and praise them when they do a job well done...dont just sit ther and mak spaghetti and say 'go to your room. And of course she never say your A+ on a paper. . you gjrs(and) boy mean the 🌎 world to me. Do you rember bilki staying the night at kristy' old house? Well savanah was with him you dont do that shit aroud little girls you never talk bad about the other parent!!!that way the stay children and not streesed out children. I went through a lot of abuse to protect chasitie/ so i hope shes ok now.i dont understnd Why all of you my ( haters) ars frinds with my kids on facebook! Please explain...

I await your anzwer

Also who the hell punches 👊 my daughter in the face and DRAG HER BY HER LONG HAIR!Up a flight oc steps! Hmm...i wonder..how did lawna get her wrist broken. I DONT UNDERSTAND why my kids had matressrd on the floor and were locked in their rooms.

No.fitted sheet no pillow cases . Halie and lawna were separated. They got the shit beat out of them when they cried for me.  I went to their fathers work all the time begging to give them back to me! I bought my kids food. They showered at my house because they had no water.  All i wanted was to love and cherish every moment with my children. Then, rumors were spread that i was a crack head and hated them. Do you want to know what happened to me for 5 years? I was constantly raped, malested, drugged, and abused. The only thing good out of that was nanna. She was a 72 year old woman whos own family wouldn't take care of her! She taught me a lot. I was her personal care giver. Even with me being disabled, i took care of that wonderful woman until the day she died in my arms. Her family didnt give a fuck about what i did with her. I had to move back in with them and continue to be raped while his wife was at work. He even came to nannas when i lived there, he had a key 🔑. The one time or so that i would run and hide from him and tell him i had a male friend that i talkted to everyday, they moved new people in to pay their bills and kicked me out with no where to go. Well i found a place not knowing he was going to repeatedly rape and melest and drug me. His wife was in on it too! I had to sleep in the same room they did on a fouton. When he realized i wouldnt let him near me, they found a "wild"21 year old, they Didnt need me anymore. They took my rent money then took me to live with my sister and friends. Iam telling part of my story so my kids will understand where ive been. Then on march 29, 2019 i lost my mother. She suffered to, she wasnt taken care of properly and i know this first hand for the month (November) that i spent with her. Her "care taker" has her ashes and is already get married to another woman, yet, he wouldnt marry my mom? It took 19 years for him to buy her a ring 💍. He was not a "beliver"in medicine so he didnt give my mom the correct dosages to keep her comfortable. He would shut off her oxygen machine and watch her not be able to breath!i turned it back on and gave him a look. My mom suffered from sever dementia so she wouldn't know if or when she took her medicine, and he took advantage of that. One time when her medicine was out , there were 4 boxes (full) of liquid morphine. She only gets one at a time when her meds come in. He would yell, cus, scream , and tell her how stupid she was! Me and him butted heads with the way he treated my mom all those years. She deserved a much better life. She was an independent, loving, caring person who would help anyone she could! She was extremely organized and on a schedule everyday. She put me on one. She had several mini-strokes in her sleep from all the drunken stress he put on her. They slept in seperate bedrooms. They didn't hug, kiss, say "i love you" how was your day, nothing. My mother loved pepsi her whole life( not coffee) when she was in hospice in their living room. He bought coke instead. She would say i dont want this i want pepsi he would say drink it or apple juice. I have yet to see my moms ashes and belongings of mine from childhood. Chasitie was the only one who really knew her. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas there. I have the pictures. I miss my mom! I'm afraid of men 😨. To make things clear, just because my sister does drugs doesn't mean i do, so quit assuming.

Halie, lawna, chas, : i am still "your mommy bomby full of love!" And always will be. So girls, now that you are all teenager's i can finaly explain my story.

Woman & men that go through #abuse. Stand up for yourself!

[psychotic-psypport]

sui implied // idk breakdown tw idk if it needs a tag // if yiu habe to delete this i understand // paranoia ment // delusions ment // i didnt know if i needed to tag but just in case i'm sorry i feel like i'm at a crisis point and i don't know what to do and i don't know if i'm paranoid right now or if they're delusions and idk i'm dumb and idk the difference but i don't want to keep living like this

(DM me if you need this private and need me to delete the published ask)I'm not 100% sure how to help you with this limited information. Please feel free to send in another ask or a DM. I will say that it's going to be ok. It's worth it to keep living through this, because it's worth it coming out the other side. Your life is worth living, or at least it will be. If you want to talk about the delusions and paranoia, I'm here.

[dearfirstlove]

5. dear first love,

today was not a good day. i mean it started out okay. but somehow i ended up crying in the bathroom at school for the first time ever.

you said something, i can’t remember what it was, and it sent me off the edge. i was so mad at everything after that. i know i snapped and i know i said the wrong thing. it wasn’t your fault, it was just a passing comment.

and in my head things escalated really quickly. it started as "that was a shitty thing to say ugh im so frustrated" to "our whole relationship is me doing anything and everything for you and you saying you love me more but really doing nothing to show it" and i ended up really hurting my feelings. i spent the next two hours feeling really bitter towards how you were treating our relationship. i just want honesty and i want you to be safe and none of that is a guarantee with you.

you lie, you hide things, you get angry.

and i take it all in. it’s exhausting. i feel very much like i’ve been used. and im oky with it, because i love you and i believe the only reason things are like this is because you need me and im more than willing.

but you were upbeat the whole time. never wavering.

i tried running away for a bit but things got in the way (thats unrelated). you and ‘someone else’ followed me. she thought it was a joke and maybe you did too. i didnt. i wanted to scream at you to go away. but i didn’t because that wouldn’t be fair. somewhere in my head a comment izzy had made earlier about you being a possessive girlfriend popped up. i see that. it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. sometimes it is. because i feel guilty for having friends in case it upsets you that someone else has my attention as well.

so with one hour left i powered through. eventually it got too much and i pretended to go to the bathroom, only to cry and crouch onto the floor, gripping my knees. coming back it was still as exhausting but i found it easier to go through the time. i focused on annoying you and on writing down notes about this really interesting poem. you made a comment about my eyes being "puppy dog eyes” and i saw a look on your face. the look i imagine would be plastered on my face everytime i realize how beautiful you are and notice a new detail.

frustrations followed when i didn’t get the chance to just walk straight out of there and be on my own for the remainder of the day. you were there. that was good. i was still annoyed, but not at you. we talked, and admired each other and you smiled. we flirted openly, i was showing you off to someone we know. it was nice.

i still looked forward to being alone but i felt less heavy. we sat for a while and you were nice. you said something about me being pretty and it made me want to laugh. because i love you and you love me and thats all i need.

you were so reluctant to let me leave that i felt guilty when i finally did. but the moment before, i thought you’d make me miss my bus. and the idea of having to be atound people any longer than necessary made everything go really loud and scary.

i sat on the bus and watched you until you were out of sight (never out of mind).

you were so lovely. you called me incredible. you made me feel loved and safe. and i wondered whether you felt this good when i texted you things like this. i struggled to accept what you were saying. it was nice. i smiled.

those few texts made everything go away and i forgot about all of today’s anger. i forgot i was mad at you for not reapecting me and i just smiled.

once home everything is the same. i hide in my room, feel numb, ignore my thoughts and think about you and how to help. you talk about how unhappy and unreal you feel. and a pang of anger fills me. because you said you didn’t want to validate me feeling unreal. and it hurt. but it was okay. i said i was sorry. and i was.

i felt your pain. empathy got the best of me. i felt it inside.

i struggled with words. and now you’re asleep. ready for another day.

you’re still smoking. even though you know it’s tearing me up. i think i understand why you do it. but it hurts. you won’t prioritize me like yiu expect me to prioritize you. i hate the non reciprocity. i really do.

you’re asleep now. and im tired. i look tired. oh well.

i love you, always and immensely so.

love, me

ps: i read your post about wanting to be in physical contact with me and it made me really happy because i worry i disgust you. and i want to touch you always but i get scared. i love you

[waterwoofer-archived]

Discord log

Ivo comes in and plops a bumpkinDown in le kitchenWhen meru is thereHw is making a scene of itMostly because carrying a pumpkin with 1 arm is really difficultHe has had to use his head in a quite literal sense

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 3:05 AM

PffftWell he'd definitely startle le Meru with the loud thud from the pumpkin. It'd get her attention too. "What... are you doing? If you wanted to carry it here I would've helped you know..."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 3:07 AM

"Y... yeah, but it woulsnt have been much of a surprise." He would momentarily pause to set the pu.pkin right side up instead of side ways. "Have you carved a pumpkin before?"

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 3:10 AM

Meri would tilt her head slightly to the side, walking over to inspect the pumpkin herself. "No... I've always left them growing, or made them into pumpkin pie."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 3:12 AM

"Well, it's really fun to do. Yiu have at least seen them, right?" Ivans going to be moving around slightly excitedly, but he also had a fair amount of control over himself... which was to say his tail was swooshing excitedly.

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 3:13 AM

Meri would smile and nod, doing her best to hold back some giggles. He tried so hard, but his tail would give him away every time. "Yeah, people put faces and shapes into them right?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 7:07 PM

"Yeah! So... do you wanna help me make one? Ivan would ask, loooking slightly more excite

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 7:26 PM

"Sure! I've never done it before, so it should be fun!" It was impossible not to get excited for something when Ivan was really excited about it.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 7:30 PM

"Great!" Ivan is le smile He would proceed to start gathering stuff together... Modtly a spoon and a knife. "So we need to take the top off, then we can empty it..."

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 7:35 PM

"Okay... so it isn't more difficult to carve right?" Meri would watch him curiously, waiting for him to gather everything up. Didn't take too much to carve a pumpkin it seems.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 7:37 PM

"more difficult than what?" He would ask simply.

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 7:38 PM

"Then carving it without taking the stem part off and scooping it out! There's always a reason to do things, and that's the reason to do that right?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 7:39 PM

"I think so. I mean, you have to scoop it out anyway so its hollow inside to put the candle in it. Then it can glow!"

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 7:47 PM

"Oooh~ that's how it works? I always used to think they came to life and just glowed... that makes more sense." She would take the knife into her hand and look at the top of the pumpkin. "First steps to cut off the top."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 7:48 PM

"Yeah." Good thing meru is cutting it. Ivan is a bit shorthanded when it comes to the ability to do that. "... wait really?"

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 7:51 PM

She would nod as she carefully began to cut out the pumpkin top. "Mmhmm. I know it seems silly... but they usually have faces. So I thought maybe they came to life on their own, and eventually just walked away. I've never made one of these remember? I don't know what all goes into making them, I don't think I ever got to look at them too close..."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 7:56 PM

Ivan couldn't help but giggle. it was so silly! Sure, it was understandable, but that didnt make it any less funny.chuckle chuckle

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:02 PM

"Oh haha, I'm just the best with jokes." She was smiling despite her comment, showing quite clearly that she wasn't hurt by the giggles. It was a fairly silly idea. Meri would finish cutting the top part, slowly pulling it off the pumpkin and setting it to the side. "The inside just looks so slimey."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:03 PM

Ivan would peek in as well, having stopped the giggling, but keeping th ejoyfull mood. "And theres a lot of seeds.... I think you can dry them out and like... eat them if you want?"he grabs le spoon

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:06 PM

"Probably. You could dry them and save them to plant later too. Lots of options." She would poke inside the pumpkin, giggling slightly. "That's just weird... anyways, we have to scoop it out. That is gonna be messy."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:07 PM

".. I shoudl have grabbed a bowl... hold on."Ivan finnagoto get a bowlset le spoondowngrab bowlput spoon in bowland then bring it all over"Alright..... well, here goes." splopHe puts it in and begins scoooping

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:10 PM

"A bowl's a good idea!" Meri would sit and wait patiently until Ivan came back and started scooping the pumpkin out. "Hmm... I don't think we can both scoop at the same time."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:15 PM

"... perhaps not." Ivan would continue to use his are to shovel out all the goo into the container her just brought. "Do you want to do it?"

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:17 PM

"I'd like to try at least! Maybe just a little, if you don't mind?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:18 PM

"Absolutely." Ivan would hand over the spoon, probably flinging a little bit of pumpkin around"Oops."

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:20 PM

Meri would giggle as she took the spoon, ignoring the bit of pumpkin that flew for the moment. She got to work scooping out more of the pumpkin, doing her best to make sure most of the goop was out. A small bit would accidentally fly towards Ivan, though her smile betrayed her. "Oops..."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:23 PM

Ivans going to giggle a little, wiping off the goo that he had certainly not dodged. Now hes smiling like a dork

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:28 PM

Meri was smiling too, peeking into the pumpkin once she was done. "Okay, I think it's clean enough.."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:29 PM

Ivan would peek in with her. "Yeah, looks done!" He would then look at the front and study ot for a moment. "... now what do we want to cut into it?"

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:37 PM

"I... don't know. People normally just cut out a face right?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:38 PM

"Usually, buit how do you want to make it look?"

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 8:50 PM

"Maybe... can we make a happy face? I think that would fit best, don't you?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 8:53 PM

"Hmmm..."Ivan would contemplate for a few moments. "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.""..." He would hand meru the knife for this.

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:00 PM

"..." She would take the knife, looking over the front of the pumpkin quietly before she began to start cutting out the face.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:01 PM

Ivan will watchcarefuklly

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:17 PM

Carefully is good, always good.Eventually she would finish cutting, wiggling out the piece of pumpkin to reveal a wide grin with a few scattered teeth. "Does... that look good so far?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:18 PM

Ivan would smile himself, somewhat mimicking the bumpkin.  "Yeah! What shape eyes do you want to give it?"

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:20 PM

"I'm not sure... what kind of eyes do you think we should give it?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:21 PM

"... Hmmm. Maybe.... Lets give it a triangle nose first, and then see."

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:21 PM

"Okay! Do you wanna cut out the nose, or should I?" It was their pumpkin after all. Meri wanted to make sure Ivan was just as much a part of it as she was!

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:22 PM

"Well..... OH, Wait, I can...."Ivans finna takele pumpkin butnot le knifeHes going to do a sooper cool thing wherehe uses his super special magical wolf powersForclawUnfortunatelya woof hand wont help(edited)because the claws are just not big enough.Also its really hard to cut shit with one armEven if its an easy to use clawfrown

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:24 PM

"I can hold it if you'd like. That might be easier for you...?" Meri would offer as she watched Ivan struggle with a small frown

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:25 PM

"Y... yeah, if you could it would be easier." He would try and smile nervouslyMERUHOLD THAT BUMPKIN

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:25 PM

Meri will carefully take the pumpkin from him and hold it in place with a smile. "There, try now! Should be much easier."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:26 PM

Ivan is going to try againhe willforfeit using the knifebecause hes already started using claw, and by golyl he will finish itAndhe willit would take some digging into, but the nose would turn out... not bad.Now ivo is le hap

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:36 PM

"It looks great!" She would set the pumpkin down to get a better look at the face. "Okay... so what do we wanna do with the eyes?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:39 PM

"Well, we could try and make circles or upside down triangles..."

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:42 PM

"We can try to make upside down triangles, those sound interesting. Worse case we'll just make circles from there if we don't like it!"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:44 PM

"Sure! Sounds like a plan."Ivan would smile at le meru

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:50 PM

Meri will start with one of the eyes, making the cuts precisely and soon pulling out that piece. "You wanna do the other eye?" She would pause and look back at Ivan

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:52 PM

".... I think it might be better if you do it." He would offer back. It was messy using a claw and weilding a knife when someone else was holding the object still just.... didnt feel right.

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:53 PM

"Okay." She would nod and finish the other eye, setting the knife on the table and stepping back to look at the pumpkin face. "...I think we did good! What do you think?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:54 PM

Ivans going to admire the pumpkin face for a bit too. Suuuuure, it was meri's first time and she did most of the cutting, and it was also true meru wasnt exceptional with knifes, but"I think it looks pretty great."

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 9:58 PM

Meri had the biggest smile on her face, proud of herself and what she did. Even if it was a tad rough... she'd get better with the next one. "So... what do we do now?"

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 9:59 PM

Ivan would be looking directly at le meru, and he founded himself a little close to herFinna stare at her close face to face

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:20 PM

Meri would watch him curiously, trying to fight off the light tinge of blue coming over her face. She stayed silent for the moment, waiting for some sort of response.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:29 PM

Ivan really wasn't surewhat to sayand now hes distracted and flusteredAt this prolonged close up stare

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:32 PM

"Umm... s-so, pumpkin! We, uh... it goes outside right?" Meri would be the first to speak after a few long moments, the blue on her cheeks starting to get darker and darker.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:33 PM

"Y... yes. You.... You put a candle it it.... that.... you..... light at...." Ivan wouldn't break eye contact just yet, and now he was blushing too. Oh dear.

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:41 PM

"..." Meri would stare at Ivan for a while longer before she would do anything. Taking what seemed like a deep breath, she would lean forward slightly and give Ivan a quick peck on the cheek. Almost immediately after she would turn and pick up the pumpkin, her entire face bright blue. "R-right, so outside we go!" She would give a small nervous laugh before starting to make her way outside.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:41 PM

Ivan is an appleor a cherryconsidering apples can be green sometimes

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

That must make Meri a blueberry lol

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

Strawberrystraberry and blueberry

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

Yes

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

Hes gonna stand there stunned for a little bitHe might have had similar ideas but for now that was not importantAfter several moments of recuperating he would respond. "Y.... y-yes."(edited)And thats all the noises he can make

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

She broke IvanGg

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

ivan is slowly gonna make his way a few steps to the door before kinda deciding to stop again

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

Meri's going outside with the pumpkin. That... was dumb. Why did she just go and do that? Just because they were that close... she should've just backed away... now she was flustered and slightly embarrassed. At least he couldn't see her face right now...

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:49 PM

Ivans going to stay where he is inside, right next to the door. For right now though.

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:57 PM

Time to set the pumpkin down, kneeling in front of it to check and make sure it was still alright. Seeing everything was almost ready she would stand up and turn like she was about to go inside. But seeing Ivan at the door would make her stop in her tracks. She was still bright blue... so much for going to get a candle and distracting herself from all of this. She would simply stand and stare at him for the moment.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 10:58 PM

How close is le meruto le doorway

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 10:58 PM

Probably not too far, maybe a foot?

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:00 PM

Ivans going toUhhhhvery fast heartbeating at incredibly high speedskneews weakarm is heavyHes going to uhhtry and hold handmaybeif he canif she wantsmaybeperhaps(edited)

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

It wouldn't be hard for him too, and she'd definitely let him. Tbh I think she'd be too focused on looking at him and being slightly shocked to stop him from holding her hand. Not that she'd want to stop him in the first place.Boy it sure is a good thing she doesn't have to breathe, or else she'd probably be holding her breath lol

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

smoochpecks are for loooooooozersu gotta smooch like ivo is doing to emru

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:07 PM

And now Ivo's broke le Meru

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

Andlong kiss

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

Her eyes would be wide, shocked that this was even happening. She wouldn't know how to respond at first, but after a few moments she would return the kiss herself.

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:11 PM

butifulkissing

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

YesButiful

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:15 PM

After a longdrawn out kiss

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:17 PM

Poor Ivan's gonna need to breathe eventually

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:19 PM

He wouldbutAfter he should haveAnd hes just gonna sit thereholdin handsStaring at her from real close

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:23 PM

Meri would stare right back, Shock still very clear on her face. "I... you... wow."She can't English rn lol

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:24 PM

"y.... yes."Still his only words

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:43 PM

It would take a long while before she did much of anything. Out of the blue she would start giggling. "I... thought I messed up back there. I'm glad I didn't..."

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:44 PM

Ivans just gonna go from not very red to red again"Y.... yess.... ""Or... N-no!""Of course you dind't mess up.""Umm...."

LittleMouse-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

"I... umm... should we... go get a candle for the pumpkin?" She was just trying to avoid being bluer herself. Steering this to a different subject might help...

Xplodingtrees-Yesterday at 11:59 PM

"Y... yeah. Let's do that."Ivans going toBring her insidewith the handhholdOctober 8, 2017

LittleMouse-Today at 12:02 AM

Meri will follow, still keeping a hold on his hand. "Where to find them..."

Xplodingtrees-Today at 12:05 AM

Andthen they go get candles together

LittleMouse-Today at 12:05 AM

YaaaayMeri will grab them so Ivan doesn't have to let go of her hand

Xplodingtrees-Today at 12:06 AM

GOOD PLAN

LittleMouse-Today at 12:07 AM

Mmhmm

Xplodingtrees-Today at 12:07 AM

And then they canput the candle inuhhhDo they light it

LittleMouse-Today at 12:08 AM

Question isHowBecause Meri don't have a light

Xplodingtrees-Today at 12:08 AM

ExactlyLighting itrequirewsivo hand

LittleMouse-Today at 12:10 AM

"...maybe we can light it later."

Xplodingtrees-Today at 12:10 AM

".... yeah...."

LittleMouse-Today at 12:13 AM

"...wanna go back inside?"

Xplodingtrees-Today at 12:13 AM

".... yeah, lets do it...."

[livelaughlove143sworld-blog]

I am so proudv#proudmommabm

I love myy 👧 👧 👧 girls. Cherish any moment you get to together. I was thtreated at gun point so i They all had such horrible lice!i had to give chas a treatment all. Not going to leave anyway. But feared for my children who didnt baith. The. The all had headlice so bad i had to use two kits on her(and that hapoened she came from over there to stay the night. My kids power and water was shut off, (but they still had the internet to play the placre s f tation. Kristy sold her food ssmtamps for drugs an cigarettes. Savanah didnt kmlike ne even though they have been together since she was 16. Everything he knows in bed , i taught him when were

Sexualy active(willingly???😭)

I made him into a man. When we first got together, he didnt shower, brush his teat or chang his clithes.  He was to much in hid driver game.

He had the a thing for "resident evil" and " madden"

He sn

Moked weed from the time he was nine. He got a ninth grade education 3x! Wow. Right now he has kidnapped my youngest, chasitie. Be will not give me her addre$ even though the "told"her i know. The mother fucker has abused me long enough. Its time to x

Stand up and face the croud. So 🚺 ladies a gentlemen

Stand up for yiu kids yneed to be patient, loving, ❤ careing, kind and praise them when they do a job well done...dont just sit ther and mak spaghetti and say 'go to your room. And of course she never say your A+ on a paper. . you gjrs(and) boy mean the 🌎 world to me. Do you rember bilki staying the night at kristy' old house? Well savanah was with him you dont do that shit aroud little girls you never talk bad about the other parent!!!that way the stay children and not streesed out children. I went through a lot of abuse to protect chasitie/ so i hope shes ok now.i dont understnd Why all of you my ( haters) ars frinds with my kids on facebook! Please explain...

I await your anzwer

Also who the hell punches 👊 my daughter in the face and DRAG HER BY HER LONG HAIR!Up a flight oc steps! Hmm...i wonder..how did lawna get her wrist broken. I DONT UNDERSTAND why my kids had matressrd on the floor and were locked in their rooms.

No.fitted sheet no pillow cases . Halie and lawna were separated. They got the shit beat out of them when they cried for me.  I went to their fathers work all the time begging to give them back to me! I bought my kids food. They showered at my house because they had no water.  All i wanted was to love and cherish every moment with my children. Then, rumors were spread that i was a crack head and hated them. Do you want to know what happened to me for 5 years? I was constantly raped, malested, drugged, and abused. The only thing good out of that was nanna. She was a 72 year old woman whos own family wouldn't take care of her! She taught me a lot. I was her personal care giver. Even with me being disabled, i took care of that wonderful woman until the day she died in my arms. Her family didnt give a fuck about what i did with her. I had to move back in with them and continue to be raped while his wife was at work. He even came to nannas when i lived there, he had a key 🔑. The one time or so that i would run and hide from him and tell him i had a male friend that i talkted to everyday, they moved new people in to pay their bills and kicked me out with no where to go. Well i found a place not knowing he was going to repeatedly rape and melest and drug me. His wife was in on it too! I had to sleep in the same room they did on a fouton. When he realized i wouldnt let him near me, they found a "wild"21 year old, they Didnt need me anymore. They took my rent money then took me to live with my sister and friends. Iam telling part of my story so my kids will understand where ive been. Then on march 29, 2019 i lost my mother. She suffered to, she wasnt taken care of properly and i know this first hand for the month (November) that i spent with her. Her "care taker" has her ashes and is already get married to another woman, yet, he wouldnt marry my mom? It took 19 years for him to buy her a ring 💍. He was not a "beliver"in medicine so he didnt give my mom the correct dosages to keep her comfortable. He would shut off her oxygen machine and watch her not be able to breath!i turned it back on and gave him a look. My mom suffered from sever dementia so she wouldn't know if or when she took her medicine, and he took advantage of that. One time when her medicine was out , there were 4 boxes (full) of liquid morphine. She only gets one at a time when her meds come in. He would yell, cus, scream , and tell her how stupid she was! Me and him butted heads with the way he treated my mom all those years. She deserved a much better life. She was an independent, loving, caring person who would help anyone she could! She was extremely organized and on a schedule everyday. She put me on one. She had several mini-strokes in her sleep from all the drunken stress he put on her. They slept in seperate bedrooms. They didn't hug, kiss, say "i love you" how was your day, nothing. My mother loved pepsi her whole life( not coffee) when she was in hospice in their living room. He bought coke instead. She would say i dont want this i want pepsi he would say drink it or apple juice. I have yet to see my moms ashes and belongings of mine from childhood. Chasitie was the only one who really knew her. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas there. I have the pictures. I miss my mom! I'm afraid of men 😨. To make things clear, just because my sister does drugs doesn't mean i do, so quit assuming.

Halie, lawna, chas, : i am still "your mommy bomby full of love!" And always will be. So girls, now that you are all teenager's i can finaly explain my story.