#in a way that i just could never allow myself to have fun w bc I Am Above It. you CANNOT get me. i'm WINNING.

[moe-broey]

No context but I got So distracted. I did not set out to do All That today. I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. It was all an impulse decision and I didn't even write down the second distraction because it was So Strong. In my mind. But then a second distraction hit my two braincells. I have no idea whwre I am anymore. I was just gonna whip up a shitpost doodle and then go back to my main project. I never even got to the shitpost doodle. 🧍

[misterbitches]

joke knew from the beginning what he had and other people didn’t. me personally i’d keep my contacts with the pawn dealers because those aren’t the real enemies tho they’re acting like the petty managerial class i guess. fun (not) fact poor ppl have their shit pawned the most so i’ll allow it.

the show is very literal and there’s that fantastical element. obviously a single ring doesn’t give you power. i think the ring thing was to symbolize shifting money around? not sure and you know i kinda tune out when it comes to that plus it’s ugly but more people can explain the tightrope between the exaggerated and melodramatic and the realism whatever.

anyway his nice house, his dad’s nice job, his education, their cars. even the option to go to jail is so funny bc he could have just. not. gotten a lawyer. whatever. instead he spent his time being dyslexic and wanting to expropriate from the real thieves which are bosses and traitors (capitalism). i wish i knew more about thai movements to be able to tie it into a broader point but i know enough about what capitalism does. imagine this: there is no work in your home town so you must go elsewhere to do manual labor, leaving your family behind. that’s what extraction does but not purely internal—though “never colonized”, to say thailand has been untouched by western power would be silly and untrue by fact of being where they were. and obviously imperialism and monarchy and honestly what seems to be actually semicolonialism which seems a ridiculous marker but alright. the point is the british the french and eventually america all had their grubby little hands there and the monarchy supported it tho the monarchy is not their main enemy today—it is the military (imperialism lmao). (which now that i think about the parallels i guess the show is trying to say that which obviously with the bird flying close to the sun…to which i say no but it tried at least. that system doesn’t function the way the military does…get rid of hierarchy…)

this is the nature of exploitation. toi ting is dark, her dad is dark and an alcoholic; jenny is trans—none of these are central to who they are in the story but a part of them. Why would more poor people skew this way; what system of domination necessitates the darker and “deviant” seen as unproductive and unable to assimilate? what influences and exacerbates these ideas?

and even them talking about english. surprisingly jack knows and joke doesn’t. was joke a poor student or did he just not feel like trying? (obviously he struggles w school but my pt is…he also could not put in effort bc he struggles and is young and has money and will be fine) why was jack such a good student? just asking myself stuff like that.

I fundamentally clash with the idea that we owe anything to these evil people i really do. You see people trying to survive and struggling and grappling with their morality and these sick fucks STILL wont let go. They expect us to just lay down and die? To not fight? And that we are the same as them? Once we get free that we’ll do what they do? And this is where jack is wrong and where joke’s self loathing could be so transformed but i don’t know if the show can see that bc that is not the world we live in and the art that is accepted unless we make it so and usually thats thru other channels.

Just once i’d like us to be able to see that actually yes shit like this, who joke is, is righteous, moral, and good. it’s everyone else that has to understand that! he shouldn’t have to change, the world should and do something along with him about it! Like those angry townspeople are! even the way rosé placated them with bullshit indicates an INABILITY to get out of it without forcing them. They could simply solve the problem and they won’t. So we will make them. That’s it! And all labor fighters everywhere have turned violent and resistance and human flourishing go hand in hand. the need for that resistance, what binds us, that all comes from our labor, our work, being exploited and that’s what the contradiction cannot abide by

and if Jack is out for revenge are we going to acknowledge revenge as a motivator for freedom? morality of oppressors is not real morality. the morality of the resistance is one; it’s complex, dark, and nasty but also full of anger and with that love. it wrestles with the tradeoffs and discomfort but it tries to correct course. the difference between these two groups could not be wider so why pretend like the intent, method, and outcome are the same? What the fuck does it mean to come by anything honestly? joke is to me very deeply not wrong and for as long as we have it it’s refreshing to see a character who needs to do something that is integral to his way of life. that is an alienating dangerous thing

so that’s my real issue with the show: so much of joke growing is about leaving liberation in the past and growing up as if it’s a fantasy. like he was ever not putting himself in danger. but what’s interesting is how unsure i am that they are going to to reject the premise of violence and crime necessary to resistance/liberation entirely. It’s SO WEIRD bc it’s like ok is this jack’s rollercoaster? I hope so? Or am i so stung by the norm that i see this pattern and it isnt coming out? Maksksjuurhrhhebebwjqoeofidgeheb

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME. friday we FINALLY kicked off ds9 season 4 with "way of the warrior" pts i & ii and oh my godddd:

firstly, i miss sisko''s hair. the beard looks GREAT it's a HUGE improvement but i miss his hair!! i also kinda miss kira's really butch cut. jadzia's hair is still touch and go...important ds9 topics

drilling changeling combat with odo is SO fun. but like also, such a dramatic turn from like, s1, when he pretends to be objects and doesn't want anyone to remember he can do this, because he wants to be able to spy on them. it's fun and funny etc but i could also write an essay about it. he's allowing his body, once a subject of scientific study that traumatized him, to be used again by his allies as a…if not subject of study again, exactly, a teaching tool. he's teaching them how to find and contain and maybe even hurt his people but at the same time HE IS USING HIMSELF TO DO IT he is ALSO TEACHING THEM HOW TO HURT HIM. yes, they're comically bad at it NOW, but they're just getting started, and it also illustrates how horrifically underprepared they are for his people to come and fuck with them at any time. i can't keep thinking about odo i'm going to make myself insane

spn has traumatized me bc i was half convinced yates was a changeling for most of this episode, since she was in and out so often. but he just gets to have a girlfriend!!! i think it's kind of a shame he never seemed to get any romantic chemistry with the rest of the cast…picard and janeway and kirk all get love interest from the main cast…but i still love watching him flirt and make eyes at this lady

THOLIAN MENTION!!!! my beloveds…someday i wanna see what they look like

julian and obrien doing…whatever it was with the peas. they scripted shot and greenlit this. he is suffering so bad without his wife

I KNEW THEY WOULD START JUST FUCKING CUTTING EACH OTHER EVENTUALLY. right across the palm, too. like speaking of being traumatiozed by spn. jesus.

what in the sweet lesbian fuck was going on with dax and kira in the holosuite…kira basically said no matyter how sexy this is it isn't any good if it isn't real and dax DIDN'T immediately fuck her? star trek's cowardice when it comes to gay people ESPECIALLY dax she's literally kissed women off screen. come on

ODO DRINKING HIMSELF!!! HELLO?

garak getting racially profiled and jumped in his little shop :(

and then we get to WORF……………tbh i was so worried about him changing the atmosphere and i really liked how the atmosphere was already. but the s4 atmosphere is already different in a great way. it was a serious episode w a serious plot yet i was giggling nonstop. and klingon stuff is SO dry on tng and so lively on ds9. idk why i was worried. i am very sad they prince zuko'd him again though

also, the wof/obrien tng reunion…….besties :')

ALSO lol when he ordered prune juice and quark laughed at him and worf gave him the look. this is the most i have liked quark in like an entire season i'm so afraid something bad will happen and ruin it

the dax/worf comes on a little strong ESPECIALLY when i am still sooo :( over no riker e worf e deanna content but they ARE fun to watch. dax seems like a natural choice too since curzon was buddies with so many klingons, i just wish she was SLIGHTLY less forward...this is his first episode...give it time to breathe. maybe odo/kira and bashir/garak has just got me stuck on slow burns for ds9

i do like worf's position here too…he's always stuck in the middle of klingon and starfleet bullshit. it sucks that he got racially profiled YET AGAIN but at least sisko was like "and you absolutely do NOT have to do this" instead of putting on the pressure like picard talking to a bajoran. also, him starting a bar fight on purpose was great

worf and odo conversation………..theyre gonna be so grumpy w each other and i cannot wait

i missed gowran. his eyes are so huge. i didn't always really care when he showed up in tng but somehow he and his enormous eyes have become really special to me. same genre of character as dukat i think

at first i thought sisko was dadding worf a little and maybe he was a TINY bit but i also think it's nice that he's just seeing himself in worf and trying to help him out. i liked all of their conversations a lot because sometimes people are weird about worf being klingon and sisko was actually totally normal and respectful about it. he would never be like worf kill yourself. never.

sisko was SO good in this ep i love when he bends the rules also. getting measured for a new suit and letting garak overhear shit on purpose is very clever but at the same time he's not even trying to be subtle. he knows the right thing to do isn't always following the rule book and he's not even pretending he can do both. unlike PICARD. i think he went bald to flex on picard actually like he does do it better love and light to sir patrick stewart

bashir advising his little guys in the infirmary…please he's so in charge. i also loved him and odo very earnestly wishing each other safety int eh upcoming attack. THEY'RE FRIENDS!!!!!

dukat and sisko were gay this whole episode. i think very seriously there should be a sisko/dukat movement just like there's a bashir/garak movement. i didn't think much of dukat first but i like him more every time i see him. he's just really funny and also gay

quark and garak talking about the cloying qualities of humanity over root beer ??? that was also gay. again, quark in this episode…a breath of fresh air. for once he's just being the fun kind of horrible. also when he wanted to defend his bar and rom stole his weapon lol "i will kill him" "with what?" i love odo sm

i love that kira pointed out the irony of her saving and GETTING STABBED for the cardassian government. times have CHANGED WORF LOOKS GREAT IN RED! he's not head of security anymore but i like that he gets a thinker's job…"worf is a big ugly dumb brute" jokes were OLD AND TIRED on tng!!!

anyway, s4 seems amazing so far. it's almost everything i already liked about ds9 but much more serious and funny at the same time. i will miss the post-war atmosphere since we're not mid-war again but i am really excited to see where it goes

TONIGHT: voy's "non sequitur" and "twisted."

[quidfree]

What do you think the most important thing is that Shouto learnt from Katsuki and vica versa? What are the most important ways they impacted each other?

oh this is a hard question what the hell…

there are a lot of ways to answer & i don’t want to have to stick too close to canon bc otherwise if i know myself i’ll spend hours rewatching the whole show so i can be specific enough. so instead i’m just going to answer this in a somewhat broader characterisation sense.

shouto’s influence on katsuki is the more obvious one. it’s kind of like… katsuki seeing what he could become by way of endeavor & then learning from shouto by contrast. both endeavor & shouto are highly talented people who excel in the field of heroism, which is something katsuki admires, but by knowing shouto and his relationship w his father katsuki sees what ego and a hollow desire to be The Best Hero can lead to. and instead you have shouto who is Incredibly Good at everything but also is a good person bc he’s a perfect angel. shouto’s complete dismissal of katsuki early on (imo bc he has a lot of the same traits shouto hates) grates at him, esp when shouto takes an interest in izuku. so as plot advances katsuki keeps seeing the way shouto does things, and unlike w izuku since he actually respects shouto i think it’s a more effective learning experience for him. see the scene during remedial arc where shouto is like ‘no violence is not the way to teach kids’ and katsuki is all ‘well it worked fine for me!’ but ultimately allows the pushback. i think down the line he really starts to internalize the fact that shouto is just a Better Hero than him in the same way izuku is and that they both have a better grasp on what the point of heroism actually is. tldr what katsuki learns from shouto is that you can be The Best and still be Good, and that this is in fact the harder but more admirable thing to strive to be.

for katsuki’s influence on shouto… in the same sense that katsuki obviously learns the above from izuku too (once he gets over his raging hatred of him), there’s an overlap to what shouto learns from izuku and from katsuki. yes izuku teaches him to defrost (ha) and connect w the heart of heroism (and himself), but he also (in a connected sense) teaches him that ‘it’s your quirk, todoroki!!!!’ and that he can be passionate in his ambition, not just coldly perfectionist. on the latter point, i think katsuki is a similar influence on shouto bc he is so furiously emotive about how much he cares abt his goals. also katsuki has so much… fun with it? he takes heroism incredibly seriously but he has a blast with it bc he just thinks hes hot shit. i feel like for someone like shouto who has so much trauma associated w his quirk it’s probably quite liberating to see that attitude in his peers. and as we can see from shouto consistently taking katsuki’s attitude in stride/being amused by it later on, i think in general something about him kind of brings out the teen in shouto, as he continues to outgrow his protective shell. and i think katsuki’s own growth throughout the series is a healthy thing for shouto bc it reaffirms his new more optimistic worldview, where people can grow and learn and better themselves if they make the effort to. so in general ig katsuki feeds into shouto’s allowing himself to feel the things he feels & want the things he wants & ultimately maintain the belief in a better life/ world being within reach.

to your last point i would also say that they have impacted each other in the sense that they are each other’s friends!! and also support. like from jump bc they’re so A league in UA when there are fights they can rely on each other to handle shit, before they even like each other at all. in sooo many fights they’re holding down like half the opposition and they never need to cover each other’s bases bc they trust the other is good enough, which is i think a very underrated thing? considering the kind of high stakes death matches they’re in as teenagers, having someone around they actually trust innately is pretty significant. and then in a separate fashion they are obviously friends also! moreso later on, but if shouto thinks they are post remedial arc then i think so too. beyond how funny they are together i think in early days shouto’s calm confidence is a good counter to katsuki’s angry arrogance, and katsuki’s snarky pragmatism is a good counter to shouto’s meandering self-seriousness. & they have quite a bit in common when you think abt the rest of their peers that i think is more obvious when they’re older, like workaholic tendencies and old man hobbies and truly iconic repartee. + whereas w other people they are necessarily the most (insert protagonist trait) around, bc they’re on a similar playing field when they’re together they’re allowed to just be goofy.

[gregoftom]

i don't really know how to explain myself properly but i feel like some people are really concerned about Getting A Good Grade In Succession to the point where they've adopted a very cynical view of tg's relationship because being too earnest about them is ~not the point of the show~ or w/e. which is funny because every other relationship in the show is allowed to be nuanced but not theirs i guess? so you have people going "oh their relationship was only ever about them using each other from the start" when that's demonstrably not true and like. i have really mixed feelings about this season so far and i feel like anything could happen with them by virtue of weird writing choices and i hope with all my heart this doesn't end up being the case but even if the finale tries to diminish the depth of their relationship i don't understand the point of Us acting like there was never anything deeper there? but anyway, all this too say that i agree w/ you that the way people are very cynical and dismissive abt tg specifically has rubbed me the wrong way and thank u for your service ❤️

hiii sweet anon!

A GOOD GRADE IN SUCCESSION ASHAKJSA god honestly, i hear you.

i'm getting real tired of this "point of the show" shit bc it's like. just because tg isn't "the point", isn't a main focal plot [which it is, or at least is part of it], isn't integral to character development [which it is too; without tom greg would not be where he is now which is at a point where he actually could be seriously considered as a fucking CEO, without greg tom wouldn't have learned any self respect or self worth/we would never have been able to see him express himself beyond servitude towards shiv], it doesn't mean it can't be explored and considered as a serious part of the show?

media is created for us to enjoy. yes it's there to interpret and discuss but it doesn't always have to be that way? literally you can watch the show just for tomgreg and that is A OKAY. why? because you don't have to justify why you like something! surprise! and yeah i've noticed that too - other relationships get to be seen as nuanced, but not tg i guess. idk why, seeing as its dynamic is something to be studied under a microscope and fun to not only shippers but normies too lmao. clearly there is something more interesting to it than just, oh it's mutual corporate climbing.

exactly! there's even more contexts provided by the scripts, THE SACRED TEXTS lol that provide us with more knowledge and insight into the feelings of these characters, that show us that their relationship goes beyond using each other. there is an element of that of course, but that's not all they are. why reduce them to that when so very clearly on paper we are affirmed of what we thought we could read textually on the screen? it just baffles me.

i'm hoping too anon, like A Lot. from the looks of the trailer i have a. i have a little bit of hope. even if say, tom has to choose between greg and shiv, if he chooses shiv and has visible trouble with it, like it takes him time, it plagues him, it takes effort, it feels like a real decision affecting his life, like. that counts for something you know? that would, to me, not diminish his relationship with greg. obviously it would be heartbreaking after how loyal greg has been to tom, but the very fact that it would be difficult to tom would mean that greg is important to him in some fashion, and the show would be at least acknowledging it by doing that. like, it's that easy. i ain't asking for much. i know what i'd like, but what i would be satisfied/settle with, well i think the bar is reasonable, you know?

i'm glad you understand me! i mean, who knows maybe some of it is people trying to go on the defensive like, "it's the hope that kills you" so they are trying not to have any by lessening it, saying oh there was nothing there, there was no romance, nothing positive, it was all for mutual professional gain and that's it. but like, personally that doesn't work for me. i think you should at least acknowledge its importance otherwise we're regressing right back to the oh it's a mlm ship? never mind then. i'm not about that, i guess.

thanks for the message buddy god speed <3

[borom1r]

1, 8, 17, 18, 20, 41, 45, 54, 93 for the non-fandom asks, 1, 3, 5-7, 12, 18-22, 24 for the fandom asks 🫡👀

THIS HAS BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG + I ANSWERED IT IB MY NOTES AND JUST FUCKING FORGOT TO POST IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

plush boromir:3 hes so Shaped

8. favorite coping mechanism?

uuuuuuuuuuu noise cancelling headphones + loud music

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

YES. I want to get one on my upper arm — there’s an artist I really like who’s done free-to-use art + im going to get a piece of his tattooed w/ kennings for Óðinn and Þórr above + below

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

I still vividly remember this dream I had in high school where my alarm for school went off, I got up and went to start making myself toast and fucking. Michael Myers walks up from the basement (the garage door/basement stairs were just off the kitchen) + we stared at each other and my only thought before my Actual alarm went off was “damn, guess I better make more toast”

20. whats your ideal date?

REN FEST!!!!!!! unironically my local fest hosts weddings and I would. really really like to get married there in full armor. even if it’s just for tax benefits smjfjdjjfjdj

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!!!!!!

45. do you prefer book over movie?

depends :3 ummmm a lot of times I think there are pros n cons to both mediums. sometimes I love a movie but also think the book is WAY better even if the movie is a masterpiece in its own right (a clockwork orange… cutting off the original ending to the book completely fucks the point of the story I think. I adore that movie but if you’ve never read the book…. 😑)

54. whats your best hottake?

my BEST????? idfk dude. my CURRENT hot take is that the changes the made to Faramir’s character for the movie were Good, Actually

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

wolf hat :3 AND my leather jacket w all my patches

1. What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?

uuuuu like active online a part of… probs like. idek dude probably the fucking Warriors (1979 movie not cat books)

3. All-time favorite pairing?

I’m a spangel truther and I have been since middle school, so ig that

5. Favorite platonic pairing?

big fan of Boromir&Éowyn like obvs Boromir&Faramir + Théodred&Éomer&Éowyn bc they are Family but if we’re talking non-blood relations then I think Boromir&Éowyn is an excellent platonic pairing

6. Favorite headcanon?

I’ve almost called Boromir a faggot multiple times on instinct, so that. also transgender Faramir (what direction? you decide. they contain multitudes < I personally adore a he/they/te transmasc. I think te and Aragorn should both be allowed to use Sindarin pronouns. get funky with it)

7. Least favorite headcanon?

HRM. there are SOME utterly rancid takes from my SAW fandom days that I still think abt. evil. I shan’t speak of those times in public.

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom?

uh. idk?? I used to run a rlly popular ask blog for the characters of The Warriors (1979) that I believe is still out there?? lmao ok yea it is i just checked. that’s so funny that it’s still out there actually snfksjfjjs

18. All-time favorite fanfic?

that I’ve READ or that I’ve WRITTEN????

to read, literally anything Connor @angeltrapz has written but I’ll specifically drop this Princess Bride fic💗 https://archiveofourown.org/works/41272767?view_adult=true (TUMBLR WONT LET ME ACTUALLY LINK THE FIC EVIL AND HATEFUL. I can paste it + it generates a link tho. functioning fucking app)

fav that I’ve written…. highkey this one

19. Fanfic you read again and again?

other people’s fics?? this whole series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/183362

my own fics? literally any of my Faramir/Éomer fics that pairing is so fun

20. All-time favorite fanfic author?

CONNOR ANGELTRAPZ MY BESTIE!!!!!!!! also YOU duh????? ik it’s not fanfic Technically but like. BOY the rp is. creative project of all time perhaps?

21. Favorite fic trope?

i am a weak bitch for a good soulmate au. esp when there’s like. drama. im not exposing myself just know i think abt soulmate aus A Lot. < can u tell this has been sitting in my notes for A While lmfao

22. Least favorite fic trope?

idek???? I think any trope can be Done Well like I don’t normally enjoy chatfics but I’ve also read. some really good chatfics!! write what u love who cares

24. Funniest fandom-related story?

I’m gonna be so real w u I got into drama w a Lost Boys fandom mogul bc I was. A Homosexual and A Kinnie and they were NOT happy abt the fact I was like “yea all the lost boys are fucking.” I didn’t even know what to say abt that really. take it up w famously gay director Joel Schumacher if you don’t like me. A NOTORIOUS FAGGOT. going “yea I think these characters in a film directed by a gay man are gay”

this exact situation has happened to me 3 times across various fandoms. <- is just trying to sit in my little kinnie corner + be a weird fag in peace

[ticklystuff]

for three sentence fics!! if you like the idea, lee!tighnari, ler!cyno, & tummy 💙

request a ficlet!

these are never three sentences bc i'm not creative enough for that hahaha but thanks for the request anon! <3

---

Most wouldn't describe the rainforest environment as ideal for cuddling. Tolerating another's body heat was a hassle when under high temperatures and the humidity often made skin-to-skin contact a sticky and sweaty ordeal. Despite all this, Tighnari didn't mind cuddling with Cyno. Maybe it was because of the way he'd nuzzle his face into the back of his head, or the gentle feeling of Cyno's fingers trailing down his arm, but Tighnari was willing to put up with grueling conditions just for Cyno. There was always just one problem, however..

"Tighnaharihihi!"

"Ah, sorry," he mumbled, having been jolted out of the daze he was currently enjoying. He craned his neck to look at the other behind him, just barely catching a glimpse of the smile that accompanied Cyno's laugh. "I just can't help it sometimes. It's not my fault I was born with a fluffy tail."

"And it's not my fault I might be.. a little sensitive." The subtle hesitation in his voice did not go unnoticed. "Just don't move your tail so much."

"Alright, I'll try."

But why do that when Tighnari could enjoy the sound of Cyno's laughter instead? By now, the sound of Cyno's breathing had reverted to its steady form, easy pickings should Tighnari allow those impish thoughts to win over. His laughter would complement the pitter-patter of the rain outside nicely, Tighnari imagined...

"Ah-! Hehehey! Stop! You're doing it again!"

Tighnari giggled to himself when he felt Cyno grab at his tail. "Sorry, I just couldn't help myself," he admitted, chuckling when all he received was silence. What exactly was stopping him from making a few discreet swipes to Cyno's bare tummy? It was so easy, after all.

Before he could even think about pulling the same trick, though, Tighnari suddenly felt Cyno's legs cross over his own, before he was pulled in tighter by Cyno's arms, effectively trapping him against the other's body. He barely had time to react before Cyno's hands made their presence known at his own stomach, effectively sending Tighnari into a squealing fit. 

"W-Wahahahit! CynohOHOhoho!"

"See?" Cyno chided him, digging into the soft skin with just two fingers. "Not very fun when you're on the receiving end."

Tighnari uselessly banged his balled-up hands against Cyno's arms in an effort to have the other release him, but it was all for naught. His legs pinned by Cyno's own meant that he couldn't even try to kick free and at this point, all Tighnari could do was throw his head back against Cyno's chest and let his laughter flow freely, face flushed as he endured the consequences of his own actions. It didn't help that the light drizzle of rain from before seemed to have come to a halt, effectively amplifying the sound of his laughter for all of Gandharva Ville to hear.

"Okahahay! SohoHOHOHorry! I'm sohohohorry!"

"Promise?"

"PromihiHIhise!"

Cyno's tickling didn't let up immediately, but he did loosen his grip, allowing Tighnari to effectively push himself away and escape the tickling, rolling off the bed and standing at the side, huffing with annoyance as he looked down at the other, ears flattened with embarrassment.

"You were the one that started it," Cyno said with a straight face, though Tighnari could feel the slight tease to his voice.

"Fine, fine, let's call a truce," Tighnari admitted reluctantly. He watched as Cyno patted the empty spot on the bed, beckoning for the forest range to come back. With an audible sigh, Tighnari hopped back into the bed, feeling Cyno's arms embrace him once more, this time with his fluffy tail out of reach of Cyno's stomach.

[what-if-nct]

hi!!! i'm starting my sophmore year of high school and idk how to phrase this normally but ive never rlly gotten male attention before and now i think lowkey am and its fucking w me mentally bc idk if its all in my head or not 😭 do you have any tips to be more attractive actually pull guys and not js have the "hey do you send" on snap? and i'm a HUGEEE introvert 😭tbh any relationship tips would be helpful bc i've been pining sm lately :( also !! ilysm joyce take care of yourself!!

Hiii, okay so i totally understand what you mean. For me it didnt start really happening till i graduated high school funnily enough guys from high school only started approaching me till then which is frustrating at first. But the number one thing i want to tell you is and this is going to sound a bit like a bummer but trust me its important. Keep boys at the bottom of the priority list. They come after family, friends and your education. Im not saying dont look at them at all im just saying veiw dating and boys the way you view shopping or kpop a fun little hobby. Okay i hope that wasn't too much of a damper also be selective and picky only allow the boys who deserve to be in your presence around you. And this is going to be cliche but the best way to attract someone is to be truly yourself, dress the way the you feel the most authentic in. Express yourself just as you are. Ive found that when i look the most like myself, who i envision when i picture myself is when ive gotten the most attention. Speaking of not all attention is good attention so only focus on the people who make you feel comfortable and safe. Also being kind and sweet really goes a long way but not too kind, that was my mistake establish strong boundaries and standards. Think about what youre looking for and whats important to you and only allow that. Also most importantly be safe and follow your instincts. Ive endured so much trouble with dating and ive only just found someone who genuinely makes me happy and cares about me. But i just wanted to share all i could to make your journey easier than mine. I hope i was of any help to you🩷🩷🩷🩷

[yakultii]

it’s that time of the day agaaaaiinnnn …. when I woke up this morning (or should I say afternoon bc I didn’t go to sleep til like 5am again rip) I thought today was gonna be so rough BUT I went through the motions and made some moves to improve it (I’m getting very good at this now! or maybe I always was and never really recognised it until now, allowing me to now feel good about it) and the afternoon was a lot better than expected! It was so exhausting I felt like I was physically dying but I spent hrs cleaning up so now if someone saw into my apartment it just looks a normal amount of messy rather than time to be institutionalised type vibe (no exaggeration) and then I made heaps more protein icecream and then I was so exhausted I wanted to lie in my bed forever but I also wanted to get some fresh air on a walk but I told myself I could only go for my walk IF I cooked them god damn burritos first(knowing I’d be both mentally and physically exhausted by the time I got back and put it off again….. and I did it!!!!!!! It didn’t take long at all which I knew all along but sometimes my mind can’t comprehend that until I actually do it ugh. Then I FaceTimed my mum while I went for a walk but on the way home I walked past them filming the news live cos some really tragic events occurred on my road which is so sad.. and then I got home and learned I have the heart rate variability of a 75yro at 24 so that’s super duper fun but we all knew my body was cooked and imma try do everything in my power to increase that :,) ALSO before I went on my walk I saw the new sign my neighbour put up (as u will see in a prev post) and it made me so happy :))) I’m so glad I made the card heheh making it and giving it brought me so much joy - I think maybe the reason my life feels so empty is because I haven’t been doing nice things for people(idk?) like how can I expect the universe be kind to me when I haven’t actively been going out of my way to be kind lately (I used to all the time but now I don’t have much human contact so that’s kinda why it’s been limited)… I was running at parkrun on Saturday mornings bit before I started getting too physically exhausted to even do that but this has got me thinking maybe I should just go there and volunteer until I’m feeling physically better?? It really can’t hurt for me to learn how to be around people again just one morning a week (just gotta fix my sleep schedule over the next few days first)… anyways I’ll get back to you on the progress w that one! additionally I am super grateful for my hot shower and even more so for the bomb ass burritos I just ate for dinner! I also achieved most my goals from yesterday of drink water and make burrito but not get sleep rip. My goals for tomorrow are 1. get to SLEEP before 3am (I mean that’s kinda today,kinda tomorrowlol) 2. eat a little more than I did today 3. complete readings/questions for at least 1 of my uni classes for next week(I’ve barely done any readings the entirety of my degree and still managed mostly 90s but I’m doin a lil experiment to see what happens when I do LOOL also now I only do so, no more philos, so that readings are gonna be a lot more manageable/I may as well try :) I hope you’re all having a lovely day today and that your tomorrow is even better!

[leolingo]

rant about the qsmp as a story and how i interact w it

honestly at this point i think ive blocked every single discourse neg crit tag about the qsmp bc lately theres been this big influx of people complaining about the direction the story seems to be going in and some of the choices done by the writers -- which is FAIR. everyones allowed to feel a certain and wish things were different. i can understand where a lot of the criticism comes from specially with some recent narrative developments

the thing for me is just that.... i dont really understand the point of picking at the story's faults past the initial feelings everyones entitled to have. like "constructive criticism" towards the actual plot is all fine and well but i feel like by now we all know the writers most likely WONT make any big changes based on the publics response (bc... for one we all want very different things. its not easy to find middleground solutions in live rp) and therefore engaging in discussions like that just kinda sours the fun for me a little bit

sure theres things in the story i dont like! but that also happens in ANY type of media ive ever been interested in like ive never once liked something ive been 100% satisfied with and for me thats what makes it cool like specially in fandom spaces if that makes sense? i dont CARE if a narrative choice is a bit dumb or isnt super rewarding or whgatever bc well . we're all people here who can also create stuff. we can very much create our own little pockets of "canon" with the bits we wished wouldve been included instead

i wish the elimination of the green ninjas had had more impact! i wish we'd gotten the spiderbit murdering workers together plotline! i wish we could see sofia again! -- i can just . go and write it myself or discuss these ideas with other people who also like them and its FINE like its just as well

maybe its the dsmp fandom experience in me but i KNOWWWWWW canon will never be perfect like theres no way in hell they'll tie up all the loose ends in ways that cater to me specifically. and i dont careeeeeeeeeeeeee

i can pick and choose the bits i like and set aside what i dont care for and get real creative with patching up whats left!!!!!!!!!! its all good . i dont know what im trying to say anymore the big wave of story crit just REALLY tires me out and im sorry if i unfollow or softblock anyone over it but its very much not my vibe

[bathroomtrapped]

you will probably murder me in a painful way for saying this (based on the anger you leashed out in the previous asks) but saw 1 should be a stand alone film all along. even leigh&james who wrote the first 3 films think like this because theyre not involved in making the rest 7(?) films.

im not sure what u mean by anger in the last one? i think i kind of just answered their question about the screenplay as thoroughly as i could. who knows im a know-it-all whos dogshit with tone so its entirely possible. the first, sure i see it. i think its p obvious by my acc that im passionate about saw lol. i could see the whole 'the idea of disagreeing w this statement is insane' or 'i have eyes' are a bit rude! but also consider, i exaggerate to prove a point and be a little silly. a little joke, even.

honestly im not sure why im being asked these questions? dont get me wrong, i definitely enjoy them. clearly, given how long my responses are. im not an authority on saw, but i AM someone who thinks hes right abt everything so i do have a lot of things to say about it. i never claimed to be polite or personable, which is why i tend not to post my opinions unprompted. not everyone agrees with me and i have some pretty controversial opinions but different opinions rarely bother me. though, mark x amanda is just kind of strange?

i know a few ppl who agree that the mark saga was not... the best. and people are upset that leighs wishes were ignored in order to continue making sequels. i know he wasnt too happy abt the extra tape and stuff, which makes sense bc this is their franchise, but if they were not happy with it... im not sure why they bankrolled the rest? theyre producers on all of them after the first iirc. leigh might not like hoffman, his bastard child, but he seems content with us enjoying it so thats fine by me. if they truly hated it, i dont think theyd attach their names to it. that just looks like an endorsement. i think theyre just content with us enjoying it, leighs never seen them and probably never will but that doesnt mean he thinks we shouldnt see them either

i think a lot of horror would benefit if people were able to do things like this with franchises after people are done with them. theyre not always for everyone but i think a lot of people are fond of horror sequels. theyre just kind of a genre staple and i like what the rest of the films contributed to the lore. imagine if every horror franchise had a more open patent, like great gatsby? i think itd allow for more creativity. horror as a genre has so much world building bc it has to justify sooo much suspension of disbelief which means theres usually a lot to work with! imagine michael myers as a free character. id love to see what other writers think of his whole "fear personified" thing. if we allow more leeway with horror and less criticism at its imperfection, i think ppld enjoy it more. theyre cunt, theyre camp, and theyre fun and i consider myself a guy who likes fun

my favorite saw film when i first got into it was saw v for about a month and a half. its basically been a year since then and i would sacrifice the other films in a heartbeat for saw 2004, but i think theyre neat

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 29 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

Our game against Boston College on Saturday was not going well.

We had yet to put the puck in the net while BC had done it twice, one of the goals being Micah's.

Micah had really refined his skill since the last time I had seen him play.

He was faster and grittier, shining in a way I hadn't seen from him before.

I couldn't tell if that bettered or worsened my frustrations about the game, that he was shining while I was doing nothing for my team at that moment.

I wasn't scoring or making plays.

We were being beat in every sense.

Chris Rojas tried his hardest to encourage his team, as he always did but nothing was working or going our way.

It was a mercy when the game finally ended.

Our coaches were clearly pissed about the way the game went but they didn't say much.

They would give us hell on Monday, I was sure.

After showering and changing, I left the locker room where I was immediately faced with Micah's grinning face.

"Good game," he exclaimed, throwing his arms around me in a hug.

"Yeah, for you," I said, putting one arm around him and patting his back.

Micah pulled away and he was still grinning.

"You played great," he said because he was sickeningly kind and would lie to me as long as it made me feel good about myself.

The two of us made our way out of the rink and out to the parking lot.

I was planning on just taking him on the campus bus back to my dorm and grabbing some dinner.

"So what are your plans tonight?" Micah asked.

"Just going back to my dorm," I told him.

I knew Micah would be happy with anything we did.

He was an easy going, just happy to be there kind of guy.

We continued walking until we stopped at the sound of someone shouting my name.

I turned around, confused, to see it was Stella who was yelling with Jess, James and Wren following behind her.

Wren had his hands in his pockets, his head tilted slightly downward but he was looking up at me.

The slight breeze ruffled his hair a bit and his cheeks were rosy from the cold.

He looked so soft like that.

I wanted the two of us to be able to lock ourselves in my room and hide under my blankets, him holding me against his chest as I fell asleep.

It felt strange even allowing myself to want things like that.

I wasn't used to it.

It never seemed like it could be a possibility for me but there I was, imagining running off with Wren and wanting him to be close to me.

However, that didn't mean I wanted him and Micah to meet.

"Are these your friends?" Micah asked with a smile, gesturing toward the group.

"Sort of," I replied.

"Of course we're your friends," Stella exclaimed.

"God, Landon what's it going to take for you to call us your friends?" she said it in a joking way but I still blushed at her words, which caused Wren to grin at me.

"I'm Micah," Micah introduced kindly.

"I'm Landon's friend from home."

Stella introduced herself and the others, pointing to everyone in the group.

As she did so, something came to my mind.

"Were you guys at the game?" I asked when she was finished.

"Yup," Jess answered.

"Figured we'd watch while we waited for you so we could all go out after."

I glanced over at Wren.

His face was blank, giving away nothing.

He hated hockey and skating and everything that had to do with it but he came and watched me play one of the most embarrassing games of my life.

I put a hand on my forehead.

"You guys didn't have to do that," I said with a sigh, shaking my head slightly.

It wasn't like any of them knew much about hockey but it didn't take a genius to see that we lost, badly.

"It was fun," Stella said with a shrug.

"I kind of like it now and your school is a lot better than Brown anyway."

"You guys go to Brown?" Micah asked, confusion in his tone.

"They do," Jess said.

"I go to PC with Landon."

"We're going to the club, you guys coming or what?" James asked, clearly anxious to get going.

"That is, if your friend is cool with queer people."

Micah's eyes widened.

"Oh, yes, of course," he said.

"We were just going to go back to my room," I told them.

Jess and Stella booed at me while Wren shot me an intense, serious stare.

"Come with us," Wren said and if I didn't know any better, I would think he was pleading.

He held my stare for a moment before looking over at Micah.

In my head, he was jealous.

In reality, I didn't know if that was the case.

"We should go, Landon," Micah said, nudging me in the side.

"It'll be fun."

"They're going to a gay club, Micah," I told him quietly, gritting my teeth.

"So?"

I really didn't have an answer to that, so I sighed and nodded my head, causing the girls to let out squeals of excitement.

"Great, let's go," James urged and we all made our way to Wren's car.

"Back seat," Wren told James as he stood at the passenger's door.

"No," James whined.

"You want me to squeeze back there with all of them?"

Wren didn't even say anything.

He just looked at James, refusing to unlock the car until he moved toward the back door.

Eventually, James begrudgingly moved to the back and it took me a moment to realize that Wren had meant for me to sit in the front with him.

My cheeks heated in embarrassment as I opened the door and slid into the passenger's seat.

James sat behind me while Micah sat behind Wren, the two girls sitting squished in the middle of them and sharing a seatbelt at Wren's demand.

I was surprised Wren was even allowing there to be an extra person in his car.

I glanced at him as he started driving, his face blank.

His arm rested on the center console and his fingers tapped on the shifter. I wanted to lace my fingers with his but I couldn't.

I couldn't do it in front of the others, especially not Micah, so my hands stayed at my sides.

"Turn the music up, Wren," Stella exclaimed from the back and he complied.

It was some pop station, probably something James had put on when they drove to the rink earlier and definitely something I had never heard in his car before.

[chronicbloodynoses]

honestly mbikmb is actually me rn

the drum - i feel such a depressive cycle everyday and im not getting fucked up bc i cant w my situation but if i could i prob would b!

happy news 4 sadness - my ex lied 2 me constantly + my perception of love is actually so fked up after him and i constantly tried 2 change myself and use sexual stuff for him 2 love me (he treated me like shit and then convinced me i wanted too much from him)

sunburned shirts - honestly i see this as a nostalgia where it ends up not being what you remember, he used 2 look at the sun and he thought of it fondly, but it hurt more than he remembered

stoop kid - its me! im stoop kid! ive been so conditioned to my mother's baby-ing and when i try to be independent im not allowed and then i get yelled at for never helping out and im terrified to leave bc shes constantly saying that i'll fail completely on my own! also in my later "growing up" yrs i watched hey arnold LOL

something soon - i feel so strongly abt this song. trying to do things to keep from losing it + cutting off my hopes bcuz i feel incapable, i feel like the only way i'll ever b seen is to cause problems! break shit! my mother talked a whole bunch of shit about my dad so now i'll never ever see him the same despite him never actually doing anything to me! i both fear and hate him and miss him and wish i had a dad!!!!! treating what im going through as the past to keep myself from focusing on my problems so i dont kms!!!! wanting to hurt myself to have some reason to be upset!!!! wanting to express my emotions but never being able to!!!! if i cant feel better soon then im actually gonna lose my shit GENUINELY! i am completely unable to tell my mother anything bc either it has to do w her and she can do no wrong or its my fault how i feel! (fun fact- i got yelled at in eighth grade 4 listening to help let me go danny gonzalez bc of the kidnapping a girl part and my music is "too dark" LOL (she threatened to send me to a mental hospital on the same car ride to school)) this town is freezing cold!!! i need out!!!!!!! im not allowed to do laundry and my mom barely does it and acts like if i literally have no underwear then its the hardest thing in the world and i have to wait til bc shes constantly too tired (girl i just wore my last pair and im NOT wearing the ones with holes in them) wanting to be somethig more and never feeling content. ignoring my problems w content and procrastinating to complete guilt, i want to leave n sneak out (i literally could ive snuck someone in multiple times b4 LOL), if i dont romanticize what im going through i'll ACTUALLY fucking lose it (im already inching toward a breaking point xP) i hate this house!!!! ive grown up in the same butt fuck nowhere town in the same horrible traumatic house!!!!!!! i need!!!!!!!! to escape!!!!!! so bad!!!!!

guys we're halfway through the album LOL

no passion - this song is actually so depressed dancing 4 me but i honestly dont really listen 2 this one much n think abt the lyrics so no comment VERY EXTREMELY sorry for no passion fans i WILL think of u and listne 2 it more

father, flesh in rags - i love/hate this song honestly, like it kinda reminds me of my ex (scoliosis! his relationship w his dad was a big problem of our relationship!) thats all u get it kinda hurts LOL not in a way of missing him but i get really upset thinking abt all the shit i put up w and forgot abt bc of my SEVERE case of rose coloured glasses

strangers - im actually wanting to create are 4 this song LOL anyway this song is less specific 4 me (honestly i burnt out from something soon LOL) but i too am not gonna last much longer! im sofa king sick of it!!!! all of it!!!!!!

lawns - its okay will my dad left too <3

pow - fun fact my great grandpa was a prisoner of war! he was taken while he was in a plane over russia and there he learned the language in his 3 years there n idk if he escaped or was let go but hes honestly such a cool guy like! love him but he died when i was really young so i didnt get much of a relationship w him but if i was a great grandparent i'd be really happy 2 meet my great grand kid so im really happy i got to meet him

open-mouthed boy - i too call god a SHIT and then scamper off

ne way im so obsessed w car seat even if i dont have much to say and im just saying a bunch of nothing burgers i have so much appreciation for everything car seat headrest has done even w the songs i dont like (im looking at you hymn and famous) i know somewhere other people like them n are also so affected by car wseat and its just like wowzerz! love this band sofa king much! cant wait to see them live in june!!!!!

[ambreiiigns]

Me again sorry hello, what do you think is gonna happen next if you have any idea? or anything you want to happen? i hope our doubleblack yaoi boys stay thriving

you again omg hiii 🥰🥰 i have. been like. tossing this over in my head all day. very inchresting

so like for sure. i hope at least. we get to see what happens during the 2 hours timeskip and hopefully how it ends. bc i have No Clue at all 0 thoughts 0 ideas abt any of that. but i hope they'll sell me more of akutagawa and atsushi as shin soukoku. like maybe it's just that i have an insane attachment to the originals but i do feel like the show has been a coward abt investing in the kids ? like. i'm not buying it. they don't compare. but the anime will give me three episodes abt 15 dazai & chuuya WHICH I WILL NEVER COMPLAIN ABT IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS but idk like three episodes for them in a season that is so weirdly paced feels like the easy way out in a way ??? like people enjoy those two so you'll give me a lot of those two when you should focus on building the actual main characters to the same level of those two. does this mean anything. i'm under the impression that the manga does a better job w akutagawa and atsushi but alas i will not be reading that so i can only complain. the last time i sort of cared abt akutagawa and atsushi has been back in s2 finale and i would. like more. come on.

but at the same time i also hope they keep focusing on more characters instead of atsushi ANFNSKFKKDG I'M SO SORRY HE'S JUST A BAD MAIN CHARACTER TO ME. I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF CARE ABT HIM me & brother say that bsd peaks when ranpo's the main character and IT'S TRUEEEEEEE LET RANPO TAKE OVER I DON'T EVEN CARE i wanna see more of. anyone else. if we did a 180 and made akutagawa the main character instead i would Not mind at all.

besides all this the like big question and interesting thought abt what happens next is who will be picked by mori to join the port mafia out of the detectives. we know yosano is out of the picture he is not allowed to choose yosano which is So Funny that fukuzawa would only protect her but ?? not his son ranpo ?? not dazai and/or kyouka who have also been under mori's wing ?? it's funny. i'm really interested abt that tho. bc if like mori picks atsushi i kinda hope not it's a bit sort of obvious if the protag gets picked but it could be interesting maybe it'll make him interesting And he gets to soukoku all over the place. And we get fun new interactions like when atsushi and chuuya interact in wan or whatever it's very fun. wan is the silly spin off that i don't super care about except when i do.

but also ranpo ? in a way heart and soul of the detective agency it would be FUNNY if mori was like i wont that. and i KNOW ranpo would be funny in there he's already been working 24/7 with a former criminal enemy Edgar Allan Poe his boyfriend i wanna see what he does in the mafia. does he bring poe w him. would he have beef w chuuya after the s3 book incident. (chuuya's the strongest little guy so remember the cannibalism arc. ranpo locked himself and chuuya in a book to keep chuuya out of business. the book being poe's ability where he can trap you in the books he writes and ranpo's been using poe's ability like it's his own fnsjkfowf) i'm intrigued.

but THEN. what if dazai. that would kill me a little bit. and it'd be interesting. i'm not going to Lie i would Love it if i got double black permanent reunion but ALSO. it Would be. a little excellent if dazai gets pulled back in the mafia and was like... forced to relapse to some extent after trying to flip himself out for oda and then he's forced right back when he started? yk how his bestie oda died and that was the kick dazai needed to get out of the mafia and be a good person. if he goes back would it all be undone. he can either prove he REALLY changed or he's still the same shitty little guy no matter his efforts. would he spiral LMAO. it would slay. but i would also be really sad for him and i don't know if they'd go there

or someone like tanizaki who's a bit irrelevant he's just a little guy it could be an excuse to develop him more ig kenji and kunikida aren't really sparking anything in me and i don't think koyo would allow mori to pick kyouka fjejfjskf man i REALLY HOPE IT'S NOT KYOUKA IT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD but the possibilities are cool and fun and interesting and i really wanna see That. power move is if mori says he wants fukuzawa and the detective agency is orphanized

and then in general once the 2 hours situation is fixed the only thing that makes sense is follow thru on what the Fans have picked up w the teasing european authors as new characters i think it's our only option. i think we have no other choices and i am ready to see it. they've been talking a lot abt some british girlies and we feel like that might be the next step.

(( in that same vein sort of i hope we Do in fact get stormbringer MOVIE QUESTION MARK !??!?!?! stormbringer being the light novel set when chuuya's 16 in which he finds out more of his insane backstory. there is either rumors or wishful thinking abt stormbringer movy. i would like it as a movy i am TIRED of wasting episodes on flashbacks i want MOVY it feels too long and too much happening to be adapted in episodes AND if it's a movy it can be its own separate thing that the more casual viewer can skip if they so wish. i don't love a movy that's mandatory viewing tbh if i signed up for episodic stuff yk ?? stormbringer is kinda not central to the story you Can do without stormbringer so it'd make sense to be movy. and i find it so fascinating even tho i know so little and maybe i'll read it but it sure would Slay if we got movy there's some bits i really wanna see animated ))

so SO if we get europeans it make sense to make stormbringer there's french people and frankenstein in there yk ????? i'm ready. i wanna see the europeans it'd be fun. and we ran out of other things we got the americans and some russians they need to keep it rolling. i made a joke that they'd introduce italian authors as a second more powerful mafia lead by dante alighieri i can give bsd the copyrights to that

i guess sigma sticks around and maybe he tells us something abt fyodor i'm fucking tired of fyodor the least he can do is tell me his business. and i kinda maybe would like more worldbuilding ? it might be too late in s6 but like. brother said this and i've been thinking. what's up w abilities is there an Origin is there a reason why some people have them and some people don't is there other mythology that is based on abilities like bram and vampires what about the war. there's a cool post explaining why the war works as like a backdrop we don't really get more of and i'm INTO that but maybe something else could come out of it ? do we get to learn more abt other Mysterious Characters. what about the cat man. what even is elise as mori's ability etc. brother also said he'd like to see more 1v1 between characters and see how abilities work w each other ? or other sort of. fusions like shin skk does and i agree ! wanna see how abilities interact. and i am going to Say This i am ready for more chuuya in the main show i am ready for chuuya to be in every episode thank you. i think it's time i think we can handle him now. thank you :)

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

So I (finally!) bought a pair of really good noise cancelling headphones, and it has changed my life! It's the fanciest thing I've bought in years, so to recoup some of the cost, I’ve researched & written a little essay based on my experiences with extreme noise sensitivity.

Hypersensitivity to sound is something I’ve dealt with all of my life, but I only recently found out it's medically known a Hyperacusis. (Please note this is a separate condition from Misophonia.) If you consistently struggle to cope with noise, the info below could be helpful! I’m including a link to my ko-fi, and I will be answering questions in the notes.

(skip to the bottom to read fun facts about my tax return and/or street organs vendettas!)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is based solely on my experiences as a patient, and on what I have read and been told by professionals. Please notify me if you have corrections or concerns about accuracy!

BACKGROUND: Sensitivity to sound is a common type of sensory issue. While anyone can experience such issues (most people, for example, might be bothered by loud music in a crowded restaurant), some people are more sensitive than others, to the point it becomes a quality-of-life aka a medical issue.

If you consistently struggle with environmental stimuli that other people aren’t bothered by (background noises, bright lights, certain textures and tastes, etc), to the point it causes daily discomfort or limits the environments you can be in, I recommend reading about Sensory Processing Disorder.

SPD and sound sensitivity are both super common in autistic folks (like me!), but allistic (non-autistic) people can experience them too. Weep, ye prisoners of mortal coil, for none are safe, nothing sacred, not in this thy most accursed tomb of human flesh!

Anyway.

SOUND SENSITIVITY or HYPERACUSIS: Noise issues are particularly difficult to navigate in a world that is increasingly...noisy. The relatively new phenomenon of constant overhead music in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls etc—all of this means that public spaces are increasingly inaccessible to people with auditory issues.*

As a kid, nothing quite triggered sensory overload/meltdowns for me like the constant exposure to noise I couldn’t control—the background chatter of other kids in the lunchroom, the constant noise in public spaces, being trapped in the car with the radio on.... I had so many fights with my siblings about the car radio, and who got to choose the music.**

But it’s not just loud sounds that are the problem. As an adult who lives alone and works from home***, I’m lucky enough to be able to avoid loud environments most of the time. This does wonders for my general levels of anxiety and discomfort. But even in a mostly controlled environment, I still experience problems. Because part of sound sensitivity is that even normal or quiet sounds can feel loud and intrusive. Here are some “normal” sounds that can cause me discomfort (ranging from annoyance to outright pain, depending on the day):

refrigerator/AC/ceiling lights humming

dishwasher/washing machine noises

ceiling fan making that damn ceiling fan noise

faint sounds of traffic

riding in a car

other people having a normal conversation in the background

someone talking to me in a perfectly normal inside voice

Unfortunately, even in a “controlled” environment, many triggering noises can’t be controlled. And many parts of life can’t be lived in a controlled environment. This presents...some incredibly freaking annoying problems. Luckily there are solutions!

Sorta.

There are sorta some solutions.

They are imperfect, but they help.

TREATMENT: And now I have something rather shame-faced to admit. In all the years of managing my symptoms, it never once occurred to me to see a hearing specialist for my issues with sound. I wasn’t even aware that treatment options exist, because none of my other doctors mentioned it. Instead, I’ve spent years finding my own coping mechanisms and tools, with help from therapists and psychiatrists, but without ever consulting an audiologist/ENT. It was only while researching this post that I found out that was even an option, holy shit.

So it turns out I am going to be making an appointment with my local ENT practice. shit.

Apparently treatment options include sound/acoustic therapy, systematic desensitization/exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, sound machines, and other options that I had no idea even existed, goddammit.

MANAGEMENT: In the meantime, here are my current coping mechanisms. I’ve relied rather heavily on hearing protection, which is very useful when used in moderation. Unfortunately, it can cause its own problems: it’s important not to overuse hearing protection, because in the long-term this can increase your sensitivity. So again: a useful tool, but be careful not to overdo it.

With that in mind, here are some of the coping strategies I’ve used over the last decade to manage my symptoms. This is not a perfect system and you should contact your local ENT clinic for better, long-term solutions, but in the meantime here are some tips I use to just get myself through the damn day:

Regularly spending time in a quiet controlled environment, to allow my nervous system to decompress.

Wearing earplugs, (I use two different grade, depending on the level of noise prevention I need), and always carrying an extra pair in case I need them unexpectedly. I bought a 50 pack for $7 and put spares in all my bags and jacket pockets.

(I mostly use Mack’s Ultra Soft, but there are so many types and materials and brands, including foam, silicone, wax, custom moldable etc. Even if you have trouble wearing things in your ears, you might be able to find something comfortable.)

Similarly: hearing protection earmuffs, the kind used in gun ranges and on construction sites. I bought mine online for $10. they look like normal wireless headphones, so I've never gotten comments when wearing mine in public (other than “cool heaphones” bc i added skull glitter stickers).

Sometimes I wear the earmuffs on top of earplugs, when life is just too damn LOUD.

Listening to music w/ earbuds or headphones is a great way to balance out background noises, especially if you can find soothing playlists that help you concentrate. Also useful to put in just one earbud when you need to pay attention in class/at work.

Pro tip: if your hair is long enough you can wear wireless earbuds without anyone knowing.

White noise, rain noises, ocean noises etc can be helpful! Some people like whale songs although personally this activates my primal fear response

Active noise cancelling headphones: the reason I wrote this post to begin with—I finally bought a pair! As in, a really good pair! As in, a depressingly expensive pair with noise cancelling technology that actually WORKS, holy shit. I probably need to wear them a little less at home (bc overprotection causes problems in the longterm) but they have absolutely transformed my ability to go out in public and i never ever want to take these suckers off again please take a power screwdriver and nail these to my head, bury me in the sweet sweet shroud of silence. holy canoli and cream puffs I want to marry form a civil partnership with these headphones. Plus they have a bunch of features, like being able to control the level of noise cancellation, so I can hold a conversation or be aware of some ambient noise for safety reasons.

Oh, and also they play music I guess?

Sorry sorry I promise this post wasn’t supposed to be me shilling for Big Electronics. I’m just excited, I’m an excited flabby little ball of expired flubber. ANC headphones aren’t a perfect solution, and I still sometimes wear earplugs underneath, and I will always be uncomfortable some of the time, but for me it’s been a big step.

Unfortunately the cost of good quality ANC technology means this isn’t an option for everyone, and the (much cheaper) gunshot protection earmuffs I mentioned earlier still provide an impressive amount of protection and bang-for-your buck (maybe even an equal amount of protection, if you can find ones that fit well). But if noise consistently prevents you from enjoying public space and life in general, and you’ve already tried earmuffs & earplugs and find they don’t offer enough comfort/convenience/protection, and if you’re in a position to save up for a one time non-necessity purchase of $150+, noise cancelling headphones are an option to be aware of. (Please always check the return policy so you can try before you buy. I ended up buying and returning 2 pairs before finding what worked best for me. And please look for a retailer that offers an extended warranty. You want those motherforkers to last).

There are cheaper options available, including some under $50. The ones I tried didn't work as well as my hearing protection earmuffs, but some people report good experiences, so that is something to consider. it's always good to know your options! Passive noise canceling is another affordable alternative.

Medication: A final tool in my toolbox, which for me personally has helped as much as every other method combined. Like, a lot, it’s helped a lot. It turns out some anti-anxiety medications can also help sensory issues. There’s not much research on this, and I only discovered it firsthand when a medication my doctor prescribed for anxiety ended up significantly helping my sensory issues. I no longer need medication for anxiety, but my psychiatrist still prescribes that same medication off-label for my sensory stuff. Ask your psychiatrist to research your options (they will probably have to do some digging to find relevant research, but you deserve to know all your options, even the obscure ones). Fyi, the medication I use is in the benzodiazepines class, but there are other options for those concerned about dependency or side effects.

(I'm also told anti-anxiety supplements may be helpful, though I haven't tried this yet. If you're on prescription meds, always talk to your doctor about contraindications before taking anything over-the-counter.)

So there you have it, my main coping strategies for sound sensitivity! They are not a replacement for medical treatment (except that last one which is in fact...medical treatment), but I find them helpful and I hope some of you will too! I’ve struggled for a long time, and I’m very pleased to have reached the point where I can just do things in public. Eating out in loud restaurants? I can do that now, and even enjoy it, holy shit! I can comfortably travel in cars for hours at a time, and walk around shopping malls and grocery stores with overhead music, and, and —and just exist. It is so so freeing, to feel like maybe, after everything, you are actually allowed to just exist in a world that wasn’t really designed for you.

Again, be careful not to overuse hearing protection—the goal is to allow you to be less uncomfortable and to function better, but if you find you are becoming more sensitive to noise, it is time to dial it back a notch. Or maybe consider listening to music (at a reasonable volume) to block out background noise instead.

*(This also includes people with hearing loss and related issues, btw. While that’s not my area of knowledge, I would welcome it if any of my HoH followers want to share their experiences.)

**A sign of sensory issues that parents often miss is when a child complains about music being too loud—but has no problem listening to their own music at high volume. This is because music that is already familiar to the listener (and that the listener enjoys) is much easier for the brain to process, since it knows what pattern of sounds to expect. Loud music that they get to control can be soothing for people with sound issues, especially when it blocks out background noise and sensations. This is why repetitively playing the same songs can be a helpful form of stimming.

***(working on this blog, actually. since it’s my only source of income, my 2020 income tax return literally lists my occupation as ‘Tumblr Blogger.’ Oddly, my parent didn’t feel this achievement was worth including in the holiday family newsletter.)

bonus fun fact: Charles Babbage aka “father of the computer” may have been autistic and hypersensitive to sound. He definitely had a huge problem with public noise pollution, and spent his later year waging a war on street musicians (and organ grinders in particular).

(bc like, yeah. screw organ grinders.)

Sometimes when I’m out in public and the overhead music is particularly unbearable, I’ll take a moment to look up to the sky and scream out: “HE TRIED TO WARN US! THE FATHER OF COMPUTERS TRIED TO WARN US!!! we should have listened, sweet heaven we should have listened!”

except i don’t scream it, i say it very quietly under my breath

(i have issues with noise)

so yeah that is my short essay. and here is the ko-fi goal

k ciao i gotta go pick out glitter stickers for my headphones

[theladygazingatemptiness]

on the topic of early dA... see the reason why I’m so protective of young artists now is bc the overall culture of the art community as a whole during the late 2000s to early 2010s was so extremely hostile towards beginners and kids like.. when I first started posting traditional art online in 2009 it was not only socially acceptable to verbally attack (not critique, Verbally Attack) young artists it was lowkey encouraged and I saw Dozens of literal children get cursed out and called horrible names and told to stop drawing and to kill themselves and etc by adults bc they Drew Arms Weird or w/e and then being gaslit into thinking that They were the bullies and the bad guys for getting their feelings hurt and told that they just “”couldn’t take critique”” and sometimes it would escalate to the point where it would turn into a straight up harassment campaign against the 13 y/o who Dared to get upset about some 25 y/o loser with no actual desire to see them improve calling them names and the few people brave enough to actually go “hey um that’s kinda not ok and going too far actually??” would have a harassment campaign against Them too and I remember putting something like “feel free to be harsh and insult me/my art!!” in my bio even though I Knew I was extremely sensitive bc I wanted to seem like Someone Who Could Take Critique(TM)

and plus back then the “cringe culture is dead” mindset wasn’t really a thing yet (hell “cringe culture” wasn’t even a popularized term until maybe 2016) so Bad Art Blogs/Accounts were all the rage and the only Socially Acceptable reaction to having your art stolen and mocked behind your back to thousands of strangers on the internet was to just smile, force out a laugh, and nod; react in any way that’s Slightly more negative than that and you were labeled an Oversensitive Butthurt Killjoy and You would be blamed for having the audacity to post art that The Mods Didn’t Think Was Good or w/e bc how Dare that 12 y/o kid draw things that aren’t extremely photorealistic and detailed!!! how Dare that beginner artist not have a 100% perfect grasp on anatomy the very first time they pick up a pencil!! how Dare a young artist putting out free content for fun not be perfect!! if you don’t come out of the womb producing Van Gogh-quality artwork you deserve to be bullied and harassed, apparently!!

and so all of that made me incredibly insecure about my own art for Years and when I first started drawing digitally I wouldn’t post anything I drew online bc I was terrified of being dogpiled; I remember when I first made my art blog in 2013 and for over a year I was living in Constant paranoia that my art would be showcased on a Bad Art Blog and that everyone would hate me bc my anatomy wasn’t great or w/e. but now, looking back, posting art online is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I’ve allowed myself to grow as an artist and I’m glad I didn’t suppress my hobby to appeal to people who don’t and will never have my best interest in their mind.

so basically: I’m here for young artists, I’m here for beginners, I’m here for people struggling to learn how to draw, bc nobody was there for them back then. my advice: Please keep drawing. Please keep sharing your art with the world. Please don’t be afraid of imperfections. despite what Art Snobs might have hammered into your brain, it is Not a fucking crime to not have a complete grasp on anatomy, or not to be well educated in color theory yet, or etc. you don’t deserve to be bullied or mistreated for it. you never did.