#in a scenario where the god remains a god and the human remains human eventually the human dies and leaves the god all alone once again

[kingofanemptyworld]

mortal x immortal relationships. you agree

[codtrashsammy]

Cute Meet?

Started as a kinda character study and idk what happened, i'ma be honest. I haven't written anything with length in awhile, so feel free to leave cc and let me know what you think <3 Just a cute meet kinda scenario, reader is an anxious lil thing and Simon 'Ghost' Riley is obsessed upon first glance. Love? No, not yet.. but obsessed, yes. Word Count: 1.3K Pairing: Simon Riley x Reader/You Warnings: No warnings, no use of y/n tho Enjoy :))

Ghost is the keeper. Ghost is stoic, cold, even apathetic. Ghost can kill a whole platoon without batting an eye, can be covered in the blood of his enemies and be entirely uncaring to watch it flow down the drain once he has enough time to scrub the caked blood from where it seeped through his clothes. He is in charge, able to control his emotions effortlessly, able to lead. He is everything he needs to be. And then there’s Simon. Ghost is the keeper. Simon is the man beneath the mask who needs one. Simon is more akin to a stray dog than a human at times. Face hidden from the world, yet teeth always barred and ready to bite. Hidden behind a mask, a carefully crafted mask that is Ghost. A man with more scars than flesh, a man with more trauma than peace, a man who simply longs for the normalcy of life without a way to reach it. And then came you.

Ghost couldn’t care less for you. The mask is on as he’s on leave, shopping in a grocery store to get something to eat on while he stays in that damned motel for the next couple of weeks before flying out once more. The mask stays in place, a protection, a show the keeper is in charge. You don’t mean to run into him, you’re definitely not the type to go looking for trouble- you’ve had enough of that in your life, and you’re just starting to get your shit together for the nth time. But as you’re both leaving, you stumble, bumping right into him and leaving a couple of his poor bags strewn about on the sidewalk rather than carefully held within each hand. “Fuckin’ ‘ell,” Ghost grumbles with a sigh, clearly not pleased by the circumstances while watching a can of beans he had bought simply roll off of the sidewalk area and into the road- promptly ran over by a vehicle looking to park. No beans and toast now, british man. “I am so sorry-” You immediately apologize, the sheepish and embarrassed look on your face obvious as you dust yourself off and try to begin gathering the mess that you had caused. Ghost is annoyed at you. Just one look and he’s annoyed. But Simon? Simon is enchanted. The sweet, sheepish smile on your face, the way you scramble to help, the heat to your cheeks in your embarrassment as you scatter around trying to fix the situation. The way your hair falls and how you’re clearly nervous, but you still act anyway. You don’t care of how he looks- all brooding and intimidating with his hoodie over his head and the black medical mask over the lower half of his face. You couldn’t care less of that- you simply want to make things better. Simon notices that though. Simon remains frozen for a few moments, hidden interest in his eyes as he watches you scramble about, resorting your things just to have an extra couple of bags for his things. And you just hand things back over to him, the sheepish smile still on your face, the embarrassment clear- but gods, you look like such a sweet lil thing, lookin’ at him like he’s a human, a person. “‘S fine,” Simon eventually spits out, taking the bags from your hands and glancing once more at the beans staining the roadway now, before turning to focus his attention back on you. He could let you leave now. He could, it’d be so easy. He could leave it at that and walk away, probably never hear or see from you again. I mean, hell, he’s only known you for all of 5 minutes, and it’s because you’re a clumsy little shit who fucked up his shopping. It’d be so easy so why does it feel so hard. “D’ya always ‘ave to make such an impression?” Simon quips out, readjusting the bags comfortably in his grip. You can’t even pretend not to notice his accent- it’s unusual for where you live, you don’t think you’ve ever heard anything like it outside of the media you’ve consumed. It’s pleasant, rings around in the ears for a bit. You finally meet his eyes, and gods, they are gorgeous. Deep, rich, brown- like chocolate with golden flecks scattered. Especially in the sunlight- like they are now- pools of liquid gold swimming about a chocolate river. “Ah- No- Um-” You struggle to find the right words, now your cheeks are warmer, and it’s less from embarrassment and more from the pretty eyed stranger you just fucking throttled on accident. But at least he doesn’t seem angry, so there’s always that. “I’m so sorry,” You settle on apologizing again, one of your hands moving to nervously run through your hair, pushing some strands out of your face. “‘S fine. Really.” Simon says with a slight nod, and you can feel the burn of his eyes as they trail over you. You can’t decide if he means it or not, though, he sounds oddly monotone for such simple words. “Still, I feel bad, I uh- I’m kinda clumsy at best,” You blurt out, sheepish smile on your face despite its softness as you glance away from him before looking back once more, “I uh- just wasn’t paying much attention to where I was going- a real bad habit of mine, honestly- which is surprising cause you’re kinda huge and hard to miss-” 

What the fuck did you just say?!Your cheeks heat up further, hands moving to gesture with your words now. You’re rambling, you know you are, but god did not give you the ability to shut the fuck up. “N-Not that that’s a bad thing! You’re uh- very well-built!” what the fuck you’re making it worse- “I-I mean- You uh- You have lots of muscle a-and that’s a good thing! And you have pretty eyes- always a bonus!” Simon’s eyebrow slowly lifts, his eyes crinkling at the sides. Simon’s been called a lot of things in his life- but he’s realizing at this moment that no one has ever called his eyes pretty. They’re brown. He can recall Johnny referring to them as ‘shit brown’ more often than not.  And you just look so fucking adorable- continuing to ramble, but he’s hardly paying attention to the words now, watching your cheeks get darker, your hands gesturing with your words, nervously shifting on your feet as you try to ‘save’ the situation. Such a precious lil thing, too pure for this world.

Simon was enchanted at first glance.

Ghost decides he could be, too.

A pretty thing like you? In this world? Oh, love, that’s just not safe. You’re a lil bundle of nervous, clearly. How’d ya make it this far? Who made ya like this? Unsure, rambling, nervous? Ghost wants to learn you. Wants to figure out what events molded you into this cute lil thing. You clearly need someone- he won’t judge, Simon needs him, too.

Ghost decides he wants to know you. Simon has made that thought known.

“You know what? I’m gonna shut up!” You finally say, voice a higher pitch and the heat being felt in the tips of your ears at this point as you take a step away from the masked man, who you know you’ve done ruined the chance to know with your inability to shut the fuck up.

“Tell me yer name before ya do,” Simon says, voice smooth like it’s the easiest and most casual thing in the world.

He’s so… quiet. He let you ramble and make an absolute fool of yourself- but now he’s actually wanting to know your name?

After you manage to knock yourself out of your stupor, you finally offer your name to him, cheeks finally cooling down a bit. Only to heat back up once he repeats your name in that voice of his, all low and gruff- says it differently than anything you’ve ever heard before- like it’s something important, something that matters.

“Simon,” He supplies, adjusting his bags in one grip as he offers a hand to you.

Simon and Ghost are two very different people who share this skin suit.

But they both decide you’re theirs.

[hawkinsbnbg]

After quitting his accounting job at his father's company, Steve left the city and moved to the countryside where he used most of his savings to open a small ranch.

Steve enjoyed his farmer life until one day, some of his chickens suddenly went missing.

At first, he thought it was the foxes, but even after he locked the doors, and set up the traps, his chickens still went away the morning after.

Steve even rang up Hopper, a local hunter, for advice.

But for all the efforts, he still couldn't keep his chickens safe from the foxes.

Eventually, when nothing worked, Steve decided to step up his game and catch the foxes before they could steal his chickens again.

And then that night, Steve witnessed a rug-rag of a man carefully step around the traps, creep into the henhouse, and then creep out with a chicken tucked under his arm.

Steve was like????

Because a closer look revealed that that was Eddie Munson, the local carpenter who had given Steve several discounts on the furniture he had bought when he first moved here.

Every week, Steve would exchange some eggs and meats for some wood from Eddie.

In return, Eddie would help him with the fences and barns whenever they needed to be fixed.

Although Steve hadn’t known Eddie that long, he would still like to think they were friends.

Thus, seeing Eddie here felt wrong. Weird, but a betrayal nonetheless.

Steve just stood there, stunned, before he came to his senses and called out to Eddie.

"Hey! That's my chicken, man!"

Eddie turned around, slowly, and then their eyes met.

Steve didn't think he could breathe.

Those eyes seemed unnatural, they were black, red-rimmed, and too bloodthirsty to be considered human. He knew Eddie had always looked pale, but under the moonlight, the other man looked like a ghost.

"Steve?" Eddie gasped, looking as terrified as his stoic facial muscles allowed him to.

"Eddie…” Steve hesitated for a few seconds before pointing at the chicken under Eddie’s arm. “Why are you holding my chicken?”

At his question, Eddie remained silent and stood strangely still, almost like a statue.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Steve. It couldn’t be, but since all the evidence was here, Steve couldn't lie to himself any longer. "Are you..?"

"What?" Eddie stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Are you the chicken stealer?" Steve squinted and watched Eddie adjust his grasp on the unconscious hen.

Oh my god, she had been passing out this whole time, Steve belatedly realized with growing concern.

"I'm sorry," said Eddie before quickly running away, leaving Steve behind to gape at his retreating form.

The next morning, Steve went to Eddie's place with two chickens.

Eddie had eyed the cage with a guilty look before sitting Steve down and explaining about his reason for stealing Steve's chicken.

Eddie had been stealing chickens to give them to his sick uncle who had been bedridden for weeks now.

The reason sounded off, but Steve still bought it because he didn't want to think about the alternative of why would Eddie need so many chickens in the first place.

But Steve's attempt to remain oblivious had sadly failed when Eddie moved in to live with him at the ranch.

(Why? Because they had become boyfriends after one year of flirting and sharing tender moments.)

He had caught Eddie drinking blood from a chicken one early morning when he went to check the henhouse.

"Wait, babe, I can explain!" Eddie, lips blood red and eyes midnight black, had held onto Steve's hands pleadingly and desperately.

And though Steve had half a mind to suggest Eddie give the ducks, gooses, pigs, and cows a try, he decided to comfort his boyfriend first.

He told Eddie that he had been trying to avoid this exact scenario because he thought Eddie would drop him and hightail away the moment Steve discovered the truth.

This time, Eddie sat him down again and told him about the real reason why he had stolen those chickens.

This time, Steve finally learned about vampires and the truth about his boyfriend.

This time, Eddie cried bloody tears when Steve reassured him that he wouldn’t go anywhere no matter who Eddie was or chose to become.

Still, there was this question that he had been itching to ask Eddie.

"But why the chickens?"

"They're tasty. Can't help it, man."

"Touché."

[lipstickghoulie]

Walkin’ the Floor Over You

(Chapter Two)

(Lucy MacLean/Cooper Howard, over 5k words, explicit smut. Somnophilia, dubious consent, dry humping, possessive talk, praise, vaginal fingering)

Chapter One found here.

They fell into an uneasy sort of routine over the next couple of days. They would walk, Dogmeat would do typical dog behavior, Cooper would talk and Lucy would trail behind in stony silence.

The majority of the time, he had a suspicion that she wasn’t even listening to him when he spoke.

There would be hours of Cooper yammering on about whatever he could think of to spark a conversation. He started with things that he thought she might find interesting; behind-the-scenes facts from when he had been a star of stage and screen, his tours as a Marine, more articles he had read about psychology and human behavior. When none of it even triggered so as much as a glance out of her, he branched out into increasingly trivial topics; his past dreams of living on a ranch and raising chickens like his parents once had, what the weather used to be like in California before nukes can caused it all to go off-kilter, methods he had used to train Roosevelt to do tricks.

The only subjects he avoided entirely were Barb, Janey and Lucy’s own father. Cooper sidestepped them as gingerly as if they were live landmines that might blow off his feet up to the ankle, even when it left notably huge holes in stories he was telling. It seemed too early, too raw, to touch on family, even if he was trying to goad some kind of reaction out of her. In some way, Cooper was almost afraid of opening himself up to Lucy and talking about Janey only to be met with silence. He hadn’t told anyone about her in years and it seemed like getting frozen out if he did would be a good way for him to shut up entirely. Getting kicked while showing the one vulnerable and soft underbelly that he had left would probably make him give up on trying to build some sort of rapport between them and he was not ready to chance it yet.

Cooper was a stubborn man and confident in his own abilities. He may not have his movie star good looks to rely on as a crutch but he’d wear Lucy down eventually. It’s not that he expected them to become best friends or more-

(Though Cooper’s traitorous brain imagined scenarios where she sighed his name so prettily against his mouth, where Lucy smiled at him like she did by the river bank that day like she was all sunshine instead of storm clouds, where he got to kiss along those exquisite collarbones he saw jutting through her tank top)

-but it would be great for them to get along. It was a long journey ahead of them and god damn it, Cooper had to admit he was fond of the woman. He had survived a nuclear apocalypse, for fuck’s same. He could win her over and dispel some of her irritation at him, he was certain of it. It would just take time and some different tactical approaches. It had been a while since he had to dredge up any of that old school charisma he used to wield so effortlessly in with a martini in hand and a smirk on his face but he wasn’t above attempting to resurrect it if she gave him the opportunity.

One way or another, Cooper would at least get Lucy MacLean to hold real conversations with him by the time they got to Freeside outside of the New Vegas strip, he told himself resolutely.

It admittedly did irk him how little success he seemed to have so far on that goal.

As was common with ghouls, Cooper tended to forget about most of his bodily needs that weren’t revolving around getting his doses of anti-feral medication. Thirst, hunger, sleep… they didn’t affect him as much as before radiation started to take its toll and he could forget to eat or rest for days at a time. It wasn’t usually until he felt dead on his feet that he felt it necessary to find somewhere to bunker down.

It wasn’t until they had been passing some old, derelict remains of what had once been a mechanic’s garage (or at least, that’s what Cooper assumed it had been used for since it had been picked clean of any valuables long ago), that Lucy stopped abruptly and stared him down.

“Mister Cooper-“

“Just Cooper’s fine,” Cooper interjected, giving her an amiable smile when her stare intensified to an outright glare.

With a remarkable amount of restraint considering that the look in Lucy’s eyes was flinty enough to start a fire, she bit out, “Cooper. Fine. As much as I understand that we need to catch up to my father, we have to stop and make whatever kind of shelter that we can muster up. It’s been nearly three days traveling and I need to rest or I’ll pass out.”

Cooper blinked a few times, mentally doing some rough estimations in his head before concluding that she was right. Huh. He supposed that time probably seemed to pass a lot differently for him since he didn’t notice it, especially when he spent a bunch of it yapping away.

Lucy was watching him as if she was prepared for him to argue, to insist they press forward. Her wide, doe’s eyes were bleary and bloodshot, bags underneath them that were dark with exhaustion. She looked even more miserable and stressed than usual and Cooper felt discomfort tug at his stomach, making it sink. Did she really think him so much of a monster that he’d make her debate him over making camp after traveling nonstop for days?

Thinking back to how he had been over water when he had been stringing her up and pulling her along to organ traffickers, Cooper winced to himself. Yeah. He supposed that was actually the kind of opinion of him that he had earned.

“Uh, yup, that sounds mighty fine to me,” Cooper agreed, a tad awkwardly. He exhaled out a long breath and mentally made inventory. He didn’t have a bedroll or anything since he was well used to just sleeping wherever his head hit the floor by now. Maybe she’d be happier if he could find her a place to lay down that wasn’t covered in debris at least.

Lucy’s long, exacting look at him seemed to be taking his measure and finding him wanting. She seemed suspicious that he had given in so easily to her demand to stop but wasn’t willing to push him on it or dig any further on his motivation for doing so.

Dogmeat was on a different mission entirely and cocked her head, staring off into the distance, before yelping and taking off running at any easy lope. She was out of view in seconds, leaving Lucy calling after her half-heartedly and wearily. Cooper didn’t even bother; he knew how outdoorsy these kinds of breeds of dogs were and Dogmeat seemed more curious than most. She’d find them again when she was ready and there was no point in fretting over her in the meantime.

…Though Cooper himself would probably have his head on a swivel to keep an eye out for her if she didn’t mosey back their way within a day or so.

There wasn’t much to this place, anything of value having been stripped and sold long ago. Not even an oily rag remained behind. Cooper did his best anyways, kicking some loose rocks off to a corner and gathering what he could find for branches big enough for kindling. Normally, he’d never recommend lighting a fire at night around these parts out of concern it would attract some some of predator or raider. However, it got damn cold here as soon as the sun started to set, the girl was already shivering and with the heavy metal garage door mostly down, it should be fine enough. He made a sturdy pile of wood and got it sputtering away with a small fire soon enough.

The light gave him a chance to study Lucy some more, though he did so out of the corner of his eyes so as to not be caught doing so directly. She looked depressed down to the bone; shaking even as she warmed her hands over the fire, clothes dirtied and no longer that pristine and crisp uniform she was so accustomed to. She was getting sullied out here by the world as it was above ground, by him. Not that Cooper was foolish enough to assume she had been pure and innocent when she popped out of her vault, but it did give him a bolt of guilt right through his middle that he was wearing her down like waves against rock. She was fragmenting like gravel under all the revelations and indignities and he had been contributing to it too. Lucy had the dejected look of someone who didn’t know if she would ever see her home, her family, again and god only knew that Cooper knew what that was like.

Cooper slipped off his coat, grimacing a bit at the rough, nearly brittle texture of it under his hands. That’s what happened when you went so long between washing your clothes, he supposed, but he knew it wouldn’t crumble apart on him any time soon. Delicately, he folded it into a lumpy square (after clearing all of his chems out of the pockets and putting them carefully off to the side of what he had decided was their sleeping area). He put the makeshift pillow onto the ground next to him as he sat on the dirt/concrete mix. He gestured expansively at the coat. “There!”

Lucy stared at him blankly. No one was ever more done with another person than she probably was with him at this point.

Cooper sighed, frustrated that she was making him explain but he soldiered on anyways, “Listen… you’re already freezing. I run hot, on account of the lingering radiation. You can come lay yourself out over here and get that rest you’ve been whining about.”

Another blank stare, then, “…why do you care if I’m cold or not?”

Fuckin’ hell. This girl seemed dead set on being as difficult as possible.

As patiently as he could (though still gritting his teeth as he spoke), Cooper reasoned, “I didn’t ask you to come along with me to hunt down answers only so you could freeze yourself to death in less than a week, honey. We’re partners in this, even if you don’t like me right now. Don’t be stubborn and hurt yourself to spite me when I’m trying to help you.”

He did mean it, even if he was downplaying the amount of affection he felt for her morose ass. Partners felt like the right way to describe them anyways; equals in pain, in betrayal, in this journey together to get to the truth.

Lucy either must have sensed some sort of sincerity in what he was saying or got tired of arguing and being cold because finally, she came over to his side of the fire. She sat down on the ground nearly a foot from him, working at unlacing her boots and kicking them off. If he would have had eyebrows to raise, Cooper would have raised them as she worked at her jumpsuit next, pulling it off to tuck it neatly in a stack over her shoes.

She sure wasn’t a bashful one, unashamed of laying down in front of him in her undershirt and simple white Vault-tec-issued panties. Cooper tried to turn to face the ceiling of the garage, avert her gaze, but he couldn’t help watching her out of his peripherals again. Fuck. He had seen women in Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie years back, all trussed up in silk and lace meant to entice and tease. Yet he didn’t remember it being as utterly mind-meltingly hot as this idealistic vault-dweller in filthy cotton who wasn’t even playing at being seductive. His mouth felt dry and Cooper’s throat clicked as he tried to swallow.

It made sense, from a practical point of view, that she would strip down as much as she could to try to collect as much of his body heat as possible. But still, Cooper had to make a concentrated effort not to do something foolish like touch her as Lucy tried to get comfortable by his elbow. She scootched her legs closer until they were nearly tangled with his.

“You are warm,” She mused drowsily, then she was out like a light. Exhaustion had caught up with Lucy after the emotional rollercoasters her life had rode recently and all of the ceaseless traveling.

Cooper had finally gotten used to her smooth, chilly legs being wrapped up with his and was feeling his eyes start to grow heavy in weariness too when she started moving again. At first, he had thought the girl was shifting around to make herself more comfy as the plushness of both of her thighs bracketed one of his own, sighs escaping the pink of her mouth in barely audible whispers. Then, Lucy’s hips started moving, the heat between her legs hotter than the Mojave sun even through the thick fabric of his pants and suddenly Cooper was more awake than he had ever been in his life.

He was no stranger to wet dreams or even touching himself in his sleep. Years of refraining from intimacy other than his own hand would do that to a man. There were plenty of times he’d wake up, his own cock in his hand, trying in vain to chase after some half-remembered dream of some memory from a better time. Cooper knew better than anyone that you couldn’t always control yourself when the urges got pent up and you weren’t even conscious enough to rein them in before they started.

However, as he watched through half-lidded eyes as Lucy ground herself against his leg like a bitch in heat, Cooper told himself that maybe she was somewhat aware. She had chosen to take his offer to lay next to him, was dragging her cunt against him desperately to get some kind of friction. Maybe this was meant to happen. Perhaps she wanted him, deep down, like he did with her.

The kind of man that Cooper had been before the bombs dropped, before being tortured, fucked with, chewed up and spit out by the wastes… that man would have stopped this. The old Coop would have blushed and stammered and woken Lucy up, apologizing all the while as if he had been the one to do something inappropriate. The Cooper who was Janey’s dad and who always believed in doing the right thing would have been sweet but firm, maybe even unfolding the crumpled pillow to spread out his duster to create a silly barrier between them as if it would help protect the vaultie’s modesty. Cooper could see those options as still available to him now, could see himself in his mind’s eye being chaste and virtuous.

Cooper disregarded those thoughts as quickly as they had flitted through his mind.

He wasn’t that man any more. He wanted, he craved, he desired so badly that it roiled in his gut like a tsunami’s waves cresting at the shore. Cooper had been, if he was being entirely honest with himself, lusting after her from the moment she had spit his finger into the dirt. He had clocked her as beautiful as soon as he had first seen her but he hadn’t truly wanted her until the bloody and honest explosion of violence between them. It had been years, decades upon decades, before he had found anyone attractive besides in a detached, clinical kind of way. Suddenly his need felt inescapable, all-consuming, as if it might come alive and devour him and Lucy both if he didn’t do something about it soon, now that he had been made aware of its existence. Why not act on it?

The man that Cooper was before was as half-dead and buried as that thing that Dom Pedro put into the ground and only excavated to cut into and bleed. Cooper was the ghoul now and he could allow himself this with minimal shame. Lucy already thought him a beast; Cooper could be beastly in his own way and live up to those expectations.

The last sign of hesitation from him was the twitch of his hands before they resolutely settled on Lucy’s hips. She didn’t shudder away, didn’t react beyond the same mindless cant of her hips. She seemed to be struggling to get off, poor thing, if the furrow of her brow and frustrated sighing was any indication. Really, wouldn’t it be kind of him to help her out? Cooper’s hands grasped her sides more securely and steadily, carefully, began guiding her movements. As unhurriedly as possible as to try not to disturb her, he rolled her body so Lucy was draped more over him rather than off to his side.

Cooper made sure she was pushing her pussy faster, harder, against the meat of his thigh, flexing the muscles there to try to provide more friction. It had been a long time since he had done this, especially dry humping like some kind of pathetic teenager in the back of their parent’s borrowed car. Some things were instinctual apparently as Lucy’s noises became louder, breathier, shifting from seeping with frustration to pleasure instead.

And speaking of seeping, her no-nonsense cotton panties felt drenched already. Soaking through his clothes and painting his thigh. If Cooper wasn’t already hard, he would be thinking about how his pants would smell like her for a long time after this. It was usually a long time between washes for him since laundry wasn’t something he prioritized so would he catch whiffs of her heady musk occasionally when the wind whipped around just right? He’d rather like a reminder of this night in case it didn’t happen again, something to aid him when he was fisting his shaft over thoughts of her anyways.

Lucy was easy to move like this, slumped and heavy but unresisting. Cooper toyed with the thought of shifting her over his trapped erection, grinding the two of them together until she found completion with him, their cum mixing together through the fabric between them. It seemed almost romantic, in a way, the melding of their essences. God, was he tempted. But he wanted to focus on Lucy this time, make sure she got off without being too distracted by his own needs. He could jerk off later if necessary. Right now, it was more important to make sure she felt good since maybe she’d be less chilly to him tomorrow if she was less tense.

Besides, maybe this would count as a small apology. Here, forget about the finger amputation and the trafficking and the lassoing now that you’re less pent-up (even if you weren’t awake for it)!

Cooper was aware that really, he was making a thousand different excuses and justifications for this but at the end of the day, he simply wanted this. Wanted Lucy. Wanted her body like his in the parody of intimacy, even if she wasn’t aware it was him that she was rutting against. He would take her in any capacity that he could have her and hold on with both hands.

Much as he did now, sliding his hands from her lithe hip bones to the swells of her ass. For such a little thing, she had a nice ass and it felt like the perfect size to sit in his palms as he made her roll her hips down. Lucy gasped out something that sounded like his name, as delusional as that was, and it egged him on to drag her against his thigh even harder. Oh, he felt a gush of wetness on that one and it made a slow grin creep onto Cooper’s face.

“Atta girl, there we go,” He murmured out loud before he could help himself and whether it was his volume or Lucy recognizing his voice, he didn’t know but her eyes started to flutter open. Her eyelashes dancing across her upper cheekbones as she blearily started to freeze, not really sure what was happening.

“Cooper? What’s going on?” Lucy started to mumble, then he felt her stiffen as she took in the scene around her. Her bare thighs trembling on either side of one of his wider ones, her juices soaking through the gusset of her panties and leaving a trail behind on the stripes of his pants like a body of water marked on an ancient map. And, maybe most damning since they were signs of Cooper’s enthusiastic involvement in this situation, his white-knuckled grip on her ass and his eyes clearly open (and wide awake).

Something unidentifiable and panicked crossed Lucy’s face, maybe embarrassment or horror. She was starting to pull back, babbling out some sort of apology. Which was baffling within itself because why was she the one apologizing when Cooper had been groping her in her sleep like some kind of pervert?

Regardless, Cooper wasn’t a stupid man (though sometimes it was easier to pretend he was). He could see clearly what would happen if he let her disentangle herself from him and put an end to this. Lucy would be awkward, weird and even more tense and he’d be back to talking to himself for hours while Dogmeat padded along silently alongside them (whenever the dog found them again).

No dice. Cooper saw an opportunity and like a scorpion, he struck.

Lunging forward, he grasped one of her wrists and yanked her forward so she was laid out over him once more. He shot her a dangerous, wicked smile as he crooned, “Aw, giving up on getting off already, sweetie? And here I thought you were a real persistent kind of girl.”

She seemed flabbergasted, unsure of how to respond, stammering out, “I wasn’t trying to, I mean, it wasn’t my intent to-“

Cooper’s agile fingers crept underneath the edge of her plain, prudish underwear and danced lightly over the frills of Lucy’s clit. It was slippery from how her hole was leaking arousal and was partially curtained behind a thin veil of pubes, unshaven but trimmed, but he found it easily anyways. He hummed in approval that she wasn’t clean-shaven, as if she had done it for his personal preferences alone.

“No matter your intent, here we are. Do you want me to continue? I can make you feel real good, Lucy,” Cooper offered, his voice all low, liquid sin. Temptation and slithering scales in the garden of Eden. Amping up the Southern drawl and hoping the seductive timber of it would distract from the fact that he was a desiccated thing that looked fit for the rad-vultures to pick over.

Maybe it was because he had used her name for once instead of a barrage of nicknames but there was only a beat of hesitation before Lucy nodded. There was something fierce and impulsive in that up-and-down of her head, something startling that reminded Cooper of when her teeth had closed around his finger and chewed through skin and sinew in a scissor-like severing. In the heart of her, Lucy wasn’t shy and timid. She would take things as they came, and adapt… and Cooper, he intended to make her come.

Without any further fanfare, Cooper shifted her body so she was upright, on her knees over him. From this angle, she towered over him and he thought to himself that this felt right. Lucy above him, him below, worshipping her the way she deserved. The way that he should have been from the start, if he had known that she wasn’t all carefully curated Vault cult-babble and was a earnest goddess in human shape instead.

His hands pulled down her panties, helping her rock unsteadily on her knees to get them fully out of the way. Even with there being barely any light to see by besides the crackling remains of their fire that was steadily going out, Cooper could see the way her slick glistened across her pussy, drawing his eyes to her puffy pink lips partially obscured by a dark scattering of hair. God, Lucy looked like all of those old pin-up girl nudie magazines come to life, even in her blood-crusted undershirt and disheveled hair. Cooper could feel pre-cum leaking out of his dick in a way he knew was probably already dotting the outside of his trousers but he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit. Not when he had all this beauty on display, waiting to be played with.

“Look at her, such a pretty pussy, ain’t she?” Cooper murmured admiringly, brushing his leather-clad fingers in a testing manner over her entrance. He was immediately gratified at how her arousal coated the material, showing that Lucy didn’t seem to mind that he hadn’t taken the gloves off. He was sorely tempted to remove them so he could feel her silky flesh under his bare skin but… he had a feeling that she’d have something to say about him reclaiming her finger as one of his own. He didn’t want to risk cutting this encounter short by Lucy bawling him out. Maybe she’d be in a good enough mood after this that he could chance it in the future.

When Lucy’s only response was a hitched breath, Cooper hummed and shifted his hand accordingly, taking it as a go-ahead. The heel of his palm resting against where her clit lived, two fingers moving further to delve into her cunt. Her walls immediately clenched around him at the intrusion and he couldn’t help the low chuckle that escaped him. Oh, this wouldn’t take long at all. He had called it when he figured Lucy was wound tight like a garrote wire.

His eyes flicked up to watch her face and was startled to see that Lucy was looking right back at him. The ghoul had figured it would be easier for her to stay wet if she was looking away, pretending he was someone else, but no. The sizable pools of her eyes were focused on him even as her cunt drooled around his fingers and welcomed them in further. She was fully aware of what was happening and who she was doing this with.

If he didn’t already know that he was infatuated by this girl, Cooper would know it now by how his heart lurched forward like it had gotten snared by a lasso’s loop. She was really something, wasn’t she? And he was going to make sure that she stayed his, even after this whole bullshit business with her daddy was concluded.

He crooned out, mock-sympathetically and cloying, “Aw, poor baby, look at fuckin’ wet you are. I’m going to need a new pair of gloves after this, aren’t I? It’s alright, I’ll take care of you, sweet pea.”

“Do you ever stop talking?” Lucy snapped back, eyes narrowing to slits for a second before going half-lidded and unfocused when Cooper crooked his fingers in response. There was something poetic in the way his radiation-roughened and scraped skin disappearing into the cracked leather of his glove looked against the flawless canvas of her sex. He bet his hands would look equally good cupping her cute little tits if he pushed up the cloth but eh, one thing at a time. Cooper would save it for next time if he was so lucky to wheedle her into making this a regular occurrence.

It was almost funny how quickly the attitude fled her tone when he was making her feel good, much to Cooper’s amusement. Maybe that was the key to them getting along. It was hard to stay mad at someone who wanted to get you off.

His fingers pumped leisurely, enjoying the loud squelching noises that followed and the way that Lucy whimpered when he ground his palm against her clit at the same time. The faintly sweet and sweat-tinged smell of her need hung heavy on the air already and Cooper felt like he could get high off of it as easily as Jet.

“Now, that’s not polite, sweetheart. Especially when I’m doing you a favor by trying to make you less wound up,” Cooper pointed out, tilting his head at her. “Didn’t they teach you better manners than this in that prissy little vault of yours?”

He didn’t wait for or really expect a response, concentrating instead on pushing further against her fluttering walls until-

Ah, there she was. That textured spot on her inner walls that suddenly made Lucy get very noisy, reaching out to brace herself against his chest and not topple over from her kneeling position. Cooper grinned, feeling smug satisfaction burn through his chest at how her lips parted as she struggled amidst the waves of ecstasy overtaking her cute body.

“C-Cooper, that feels good, I’ve never… I’ve never reached climax before,” Lucy confessed, voice as quiet as the wind, cheeks coloring a delightful shade of pink not unlike the shade of her soft little cunt. “I think I’m going to…”

Cooper puzzled this over without slowing his hand’s movements; she didn’t seem like a virgin so the girl must have had a selfish lover or two in her past. This could only be good for him though, another way to ingratiate himself with her further. Another method to wiggle himself into the fissures of her very foundation and make himself invaluable to Lucy so she wouldn’t be quick to dispose of him.

Cooper had always liked to feel needed, appreciated, even before his life went to hell at the direction of Vault-Tec. That was one of the few things even the bombs couldn’t kill, the compulsion as deeply embedded in him as a tree’s roots and harder to kill than a radroach.

“Is that right? Don’t fret, honey, you’re going to come for me real soon. I know how to take care of you,” Cooper cooed at her, accent still all Nuka-Cola sweet and sticky-thick, working absolute overtime to distract and enthrall. “I’m always going to take care of you and this tight pussy of yours. That’s why she’s grabbing at my fingers, isn’t it? Your cunt knows she’s all mine even if you don’t want to admit it yet and doesn’t want to let me go.”

Cooper couldn’t remember if he had ever been big on talking during sex before, especially since it had been so long ago, but it felt natural now. Maybe because he had already been talking her ears off for days, maybe because he meant every possessive word. Either way, Lucy would have to put a bullet in his brain to get him away from her now, as if something in his twisted sentimentality for her was driving him feral and unable to be reasoned with.

Something about what he was saying must have gotten her going though because Lucy’s hole clenched more firmly around his fingers than ever. It reminded him, like most things did, of teeth chewing through skin and exposing the rot, the meat waiting underneath. Part of Cooper hoped that some shreds of him, drops of his tainted blood, had slid down her gullet that day so he could be even more a part of her. He wanted to be more deeply inside of her than questing digits stretching her open and making her keen. Cooper wanted her to gorge herself on him, make herself full and splattered with whatever remained of his humanity that he had left after so many horrible years had hollowed him out from the inside. He’d let her destroy him as long as he was hers, fully hers and a part of her until she was ready to decompose too.

Now though, he was making her cum, Cooper’s name sounding so fucking good being panted like this as her juices cascaded all the way down to his wrist and onto his clothes underneath her jittering thighs.

No one could blame him for being caught off-guard in the next moment as Lucy dipped her head forward to kiss him for the first time. The bounty hunter nearly jolted as her soft lips massaged against his more dry, cracked ones. Not exactly a promise of devotion from her, no screaming oath to the heavens, but his heavy balls tightened as he came in his pants like Cooper was on a hair trigger anyways. He tried not to react while he felt ropes of his cum spurting across his own scarred skin, pleasure fizzling up his spine like a firework being lit, but he grunted into the kiss before he could stop himself. He probably had fucking stars in his eyes when Lucy pulled back, was probably looking at her like some lovestruck cartoon character with their heart beating out of his chest, but he didn’t care.

Lucy herself was even more beautiful than usual, eyes heavy with sleep again but with a little light behind them once more. He hadn’t seen her smiling in what felt like ages but here she was, the corners of that perfect mouth turned up. Cooper returned that smile himself, feeling pleased, victorious. Well.

His tactic of talking her in circles hadn’t really helped but talking her through an orgasm seemed to have worked well enough. Duly noted. Cooper could learn from this and apply it to their interactions going forward.

“Thank you,” Lucy said hesitantly, though he couldn’t tell if it the hesitation was because she didn’t really want to thank a man who had done the sort of things he had done or if it was out of some sort of post-coital awkwardness. Either way, he’d take it.

In a gesture surprisingly tender from him, Cooper lifted his gloved hand (the one less sopping with her fluids) and swept her sweaty hair off of where it was sticking to her face. Airily, he replied, “You’re welcome. Now, we have lots of ground to cover tomorrow, vaultie. You should probably try to get some more rest rather than humping my leg like some kind of mongrel dog and getting a man all distracted.”

She huffed indignantly, mumbling something that sounded like an accusation that it didn’t seem that Cooper had seemed to mind it, but she slid off of his front and back into his side anyways. She brusquely pulled her underwear back on but neither of them seemed too concerned with trying to hunt down water or anything to get cleaned right now, not when it was such a late hour and they were already tired. It would be a problem for their future selves to tackle.

If she seemed more nestled into Cooper than before, one of her slender hands wriggling out to put itself over his heart, then that was no one’s business but theirs. Lucy’s breath shifted to something more snuffling and relaxed as she fell back into slumber not long after that.

Optimism bloomed in Cooper’s chest, like a plant struggling to poke its way out through a crack in concrete to reach sunlight. He had a feeling that they had made progress today and tomorrow… tomorrow would be a new day. He found himself looking forward to it.

[voxofthevoid]

I've been thinking about this for the past few days and I thought you might appreciate, especially since you said you like cannibalism/vore:

Since RCT can pretty much heal anything (as we see very clearly during the Detention Center Arc with Sukuna fucking re-growing Yuji's hand and fingers) I was just imagining some sort of SukuIta/GoYuu thing where, since Sukuna is often said to be a cannibal (I don't remember if it's actually canon that he is but I've read it so many times that it's canon in my heart), his presence in Yuji's body eventually gives Yuji himself some craving for human flesh, and ofc our precious baby Yuji would do his best to not think about it and act like everything is fine even if normal food doesn't fill him up like usual anymore, until Gojo corners him about what's going on and Yuji admits to his problem- and Gojo gives him the most simple of solutions: for Yuji to eat him, since with RCT he can re-grow any limb and heal any chomp Yuji might take from him

I could see Yuji refusing at first but as his hunger increases he eventually caves in and oops, maybe Gojo likes it a little bit too much? Maybe Yuji also likes it more than he imagined?

In my head it all ends up with some fucked up, blood-tainted feral sex between the two of them with Sukuna watching super satisfied and maybe whispering in Yuji's mind and pushing him to act even more feral, which Gojo would absolutely love

I'm no writer so you can take the idea if you like it, I just wanted to share since I believe you might appreciate

You have excellent taste, anon! And you're definitely right about this being up my alley.

Sukuna being a cannibal is word-of-god confirmed (Uraume is his cook) and also very loud subtext. I'll need to reread the manga to see if it's been explicitly stated.

I do love this idea! It's kind of a running headcanon for me in scenarios where Yuuji and Sukuna coexist for a while. Among my posted fics, it's a developing theme in the Kidnapping Fic. A bunch of other fics/ideas also have different versions of this, iirc. Details vary, but Yuuji developing a taste for human meat and Gojou gleefully indulging it remain constant.

And @nearalways has got an idea that's very close to this scenario: Gojou courting Yuuji with prime cuts of meat and then, y'know, himself. I devoured their notes like a starving man.

Thanks for sharing the loving vore around 💗

Also, sorry it took me a while to get to this; I've been busy growling at JJK canon the last few days.

[noveratus]

People will say stuff like my character ship dynamics are way too complicated, but I don't know what they mean. All that I want is character A to be a cynical, apparently cold individual who is actually insecure and very fearful so he hides his fears with sarcasm and being mean to character B. Character B is Character A's employee and seemingly very kind, caring and easy going, but in reality he is desperate for people to like him so he will do whatever he can for them to do so, specially character A whomst he has a crush on. They are both paranormal investigators, though character A doesn't really believe the things he investigates, so, one day, he sends character B to investigate one of these paranormal stories. Character B doesn't return, claiming to be sick through text messages, only for people to find out over two weeks later that he had been trapped in his home that entire time with a literal monster that feeds off of fear waiting just outside his house for him to break so that it could eat him, and yet, he somehow survived, so character A starts believing it and allows character B to stay in their office where they start to bond until the monster from before attacks the office, and by the way, the monster is made entirely out of bugs. The two of them think that they will die, so they have a heart to heart that ends with them being rescued and learning a greater secret in their basement that leads character A to grow paranoid, particularly of character B who he knows is hiding something, so character A starts stalking his employees and invading private property until they learn that one of their two coworkers has been replaced by one of these monsters and the boss of everyone, including character A is a monster as well and essentially owns their soul, so if he dies, they die as well. So the evil boss sends character A in a bit of a hero's journey to learn more about the world and meet more monsters that culminates with the remaining employees trying to stop

a world ending scenario where another one of their friends dies and character A nearly dies, so as to not die, he becomes one of the monsters and oops! Now another monster wants to make character B into a monster by making him think that he is trying to save the world, but by doing this character B grows more and more distant from everyone, including character A who has started to realize that he actually has feelings for character B and it culminates with character B not stabbing one of the monsters and being sent to the shadow realm, but wait! Character A saves him, kills the monster that was trying to make character b a monster and they kiss and they get their happily ever after.

Except psyche! Actually, this was evil's boss plan all along and character A just ended thee whole world and became a god! Oopsie! So character A and B travel across the land to try and bring the world back to what it was while the horrors rule supreme, but it is ok! They are gay and happy eventhough the rest of humanity is being tortured until the end of time! Eventually, they reach the evil boss that has been taken over by an eldritch god who likes character A better so character A gets tricked into killing evil boss and taking his place, but don't worry, character B comes in with a knife and stabs character A, also dying in the process and saving the world and they are now apparently trapped in computers???

Is that really too much to ask?

[sigyns-drafts]

If it's okay can I please ask for another Poseidon X kianna

But where Adam intervenes and rejects the idea of her being with Poseidon

Because he believes that Poseidon will eventually get bored of her and kill her or break her heart

and he doesn't want his daughter being put through horrible pain again since he knew the abuse she went through and knows the trauma she went through and just wants to protect his daughter

Also in this scenario she rejects Poseidon even if she feels the same because Papa Knows Best

And the rest is up to you

A/N: Hello once again Nunez! I'll gladly write you another one of these, as I enjoy it very much and I don't doubt that you do too! I hope the way I've written your oc is right! Please enjoy this angst filled one shot~ <3

The tragic story of Amphitrite. 🤍

Adoptive daugther of adam oc x Poseidon

➩ kianna becomes the adoptive daugther of Adam, father of humanity after a difficult childhood, where she was abused so much she thought she could never be loved. Once she was old enough she started to isolate herself and finds comfort in the ocean and the sound of the waves.

With time she is able to recreate the sounds it makes with her voice and without her knowlage Poseidon god of the sea had started to watch over her and falls for her beauty. He wants to confess his feelings, but when he is about to do it, Adam steps in.

➩ Reader type: Oc x Poseidon

⚠: Unhealthy relationship, past mentions of trauma, abuse, physical abuse, scars from past abuse, kidnapping, forced relationship, eventual consent, cliffhangers.

In a town near the ocean side, lived a mortal woman named Kianna koromi.

She was a beacon of beauty, with her short brown locks, her singing voice like the waves, and her eyes, the color of the sun.

But Kianna carried scars beneath her robes, scars left behind by a past of abuse and trauma. Her stepfather had hurt her, so much in fact she thought she was unlovable at some point.

But despite the pain, she remained hopeful, finding solace in the gentle rhythm of the ocean. Once she grew old enough, she found a new family to support her which was Adam and Eve's family.

Then eventually rejecting society to live on her own and spending time with the sea. The only thing that brought her a peace of mind.

Unbeknownst to Kianna though, Poseidon, the mighty god of the sea, had been watching her from his watery realm.

Enthralled by her grace and resilience, he yearned to confess his feelings to her.

Gathering his courage, Poseidon emerged from the depths and approached Kianna one evening as she walked along the shore.

"Kianna," Poseidon spoke, his voice deep and resonant like the ocean's roar.

"I have watched over you from afar, captivated by your spirit. Will you grant me a moment of your time?"

Kianna looked up, startled by the presence of the god before her. "Who are you?" she asked, her voice tinged with both curiosity and caution.

"I am Poseidon, ruler of the seas," he replied, his eyes softening as he beheld her.

"And I have come to confess something to you, something I have kept hidden in the depths of my heart."

Before Poseidon could speak further, a figure emerged from the shadows, casting a dark cloud over the moment.

It was Kianna's adoptive father, Adam, father of humanity himself. Who had sensed a divine god at the presence of his daughter!

He was a gentle yet stern and protective man who had seen his daughter endure too much pain in her young life. He knew better than to let Poseidon out of all gods near her.

"Poseidon," Adam said firmly, his voice tinged with suspicion, "what business do you have with my daughter?"

Poseidon regarded Adam with a mixture of surprise and annoyance, knowing he would only be standing in the way.

"I come with the purest of intentions," he explained, "to profess my love to your daughter, Kianna."

"L-Love..?" Kianna stuttered, confused and shocked about what she was hearing. Poseidon loved her? They had just met!

Adam's expression hardened, his protective instincts flaring as thoughts ran through his head about what Poseidon could do to her.

"Love?" he scoffed. "Do you not hear yourself, Poseidon. A mortal and a god can never be together, at least not in your case."

"Wait father let me-!' Kianna tries to say something, to handle the situation herself but Adam raises his hand to her face, gesturing for her to be quiet.

He wanted her to have a say, but not right now, his top priority was to keep her safe.

"I know who you are and you will only bring her heartache and misery.."

Kianna listened to her father's words, torn between her own desires and the fear instilled by years of suffering.

"Father, please.." she interjected once more, her voice trembling with emotion, "let me just talk to him, okay?"

But Adam remained steadfast in his resolve, he turns to his daughter, face unchanging.

Kianna knew by just looking into his deep blue eyes that he felt bad upon Kianna's behalf for being unfortunate enough to get into this situation.

Since she has always found so much comfort in the sea. He was afraid this would ruin it for her, forever.

"I cannot stand by and watch you be swept away by the whims of a god.." he declared, reaching out to pull Kianna away from Poseidon's presence before it was too late.

And sadly, it was as it only enraged Poseidon by Adam interfering, the gods eyes flashed with fury.

"And who are you, to tell me what I can and cannot do, you foul mortal?!"

In a moment of uncontrollable anger, Poseidon seized Kianna and dragged her down into the depths of the ocean. Adam watches in horror as his daughter is dragged away and out of sight, speechless.

Meanwhile Poseidon casts a spell on Kianna quickly, so that she is able to breathe under water and not drown in the process.

As they descended into the abyss, Kianna felt a surge of fear and confusion hit her, hearing her father shout her name only for it to fade away the more they went into the depths. It scared her, terrified her!

"Why are you doing this?!" she cried out, heart pounding hard as she was struggling against Poseidon's grasp.

Suddenly Poseidon's expression softened, as hearing her pleading reminded his heavy heart of all the regret.

The memories all flooded back to the other times he has caused fear onto the people he had been attracted to.

"Forgive me, Kianna.."

With a wave of his trident, Poseidon teleports them to his temple, the water around them disappearing by magic.

Kianna hugs herself with her arms, shaking uncontrollably as tears fall down her already wet cheeks. She was a dripping mess.

"Why, why did you have to do this..?!"

Poseidon whispered, his voice laced with sorrow. "I cannot bear to be without you, but I can't see you suffer like this either.."

After Kianna had basically been kidnapped by Poseidon, he transformed Kianna into his queen, bestowing upon her the name being Amphitrite.

He took away most of her memories of the painful past, in hopes it would help her not only trust him, but genuinely relieve her of the trauma she had suffered from it.

Poseidon also makes up a fake story of where kianna now Amphitrite came from. That she was one of the 50 daughters of Nereus and Doris.

At last, Amphitrite would revive that love she thought she could never have or deserved but..in all the wrong ways.

Even Poseidon didn't let himself realize that.

Above the waves, Adam grieved for his daughter for centuries, haunted by the fact he had lost her to a god, gods which was something he hated more than anything.

Though her mortal life was lost to the depths, her love for Poseidon slowly grew on her and it turned into a beacon of light in the darkness of the ocean's depths.

She was starting to appreciate her new life, though there was something she hadn't forgotten.

He thought he would never see his precious daughter again, until Ragnarok when he was called to fight for his children. He wasn't prepared when he, just by chance saw a certain goddess.

Amphitrite who stood by Poseidon, his wife, decorated in the finest robes to cover up her scars. She happened to have the same yellow eyes, long brown locks of hair.

Adam had to smile at the woman, a mix sorrow and relief washing over him.

Could this be.. His lost daughter kianna?

"I'll fight for you too my child, I love you kianna, more than he ever will.."

[noomiithesnail]

HIII! I came to hunt you down from ao3 🪓 your fics are absolutely ✨️amazing✨️ I am a sucker for angst and you really cook the angst sandwich SO WELL. Thank you for writing these stories! ☺️ I saw you asked for prompts, and I have an angsty one brewing here if you'd like to hear it :3

I was thinking of a scenario where Muichiro and Tanjiro went for a patrol or mission or what have you together, and thats all fine lalala until they come across an UGLY 🤢😱😫 sight of maggots (idk how, maybe the remains of a human or animal caused by a demon or something). And since Mui has now recovered his memories, he gets super triggered by the nasty things because they remind him of those days he spent with Yuichiro's corpse and the maggots eating them both (thats such a nasty thought to even think about, the poor babies getting eaten by maggots 🤢🥺). So then he gets a full blown panic attack and gets really stressed etc since I dont think he actually sat down and processed his past and healed, yk??? but luckily for him (and all of us) the best ray of sunshine Tanjiro is right there to help him and give him the biggest hug to let him know that he isn't alone anymore like he was in the past 🥺 but ngl seeing Muichiro freak out also freaks out poor Tanjiro because he's so used to Mr Hashira being calm and collected and strong, and seeing Mui starting to proper disassociate as a trauma response to the trigger makes him freak out even more, another poor baby 😢 but he's determined and finds a way to help Muichiro through this (maybe he gets Shinobu's help or figures out something on his own)... so now Tanjiro sees a super vulnerable side of Muichiro, which Mui doesn't really like. but that eventually leads to an opportunity for Mui to fully share his past with Tanjiro because I remember that he only spoke about it a little in Bonfire and Marigolds? He's grateful to remember his family but he's not soo keen to go back to that space and face what happened yk? But yeah then the angst comes to an end with a lot of fluffy and cute happenings between the two :3 and Tanjiro becomes a safe space for Mui to be vulnerable in 🥰

Thats the prompt, i hope it inspires you 🥹 if not then thats okay, i just wanted to share this with you 💖 byee *runs away*

HELLO!!

first off thank you for hunting me down i appreciate it LMAOO

Second HOLY. SHIT. I love that prompt sm smsmsmsmms aaaaaa

in some of the wips I haven't posted, I did mention mui having a trauma around seeing maggots and them sort of representing his past experiences and omg you're absolutely right there is so much angst potential there

you've DEFINITELY inspired me!! as soon as I finish bonfires, or Marigolds I might move onto that one! I have got another muitan one I've been slowly writing at the same time that I might post first, however. but that is such a good prompt and God I love me some angst

thank you for this idea! even though idk who you are, I'll still mention it got this prompt from you if I post it!

and ofc i would love to receive any more prompts you have in the future!

[croutonconfidential]

thinking of danny phantom aus and just headcanon stuff

pomegranate rules: eat enough ectoplasm/become contaminated enough and you will be stuck in the ghost zone(yall come get your Persephone hades au)

frozen au: Elsa! Danny and Anna!Jaz, Danny at his coronation as ghost king accidentally does some stuff that jeopardizes the kingdom out of pure anxious nerves

what if clockwork had a human alter ego and his sole income would be from predicting lottery numbers and stock prices making him practically the god of wall street, no one wants to play poker with him and he does palm reading on the side just for fun as a treat (only he can't read palms but as a time ghost he literally is omnipotent barring time stream altering events, now if only he would give clear advice and not cryptic sestinas)

pirate and merman au: mermaid shifter Danny, his parents are still scientists and want to study 'the humanoid fish monsters' only this is like the eighteenth century so their tools are just nominal torture devices and to escape he stows away on a ship, but it sinks, but he turns into a mermaid and lives! there he meets other mermaids and deep sea creatures but they don't like him for being only half a mermaid. it takes a while and meeting both jerks and nice people in equal measure but eventually he learns to embrace a piece of his identity fully. skip forward to 'x' amount of time later and he finds out that his sister set sail to find him but somehow became a pirate along the way. they meet and they talk there's feelings everywhere and Danny after so long just being a mermaid finds balance as a mermaid shifter with a foot on the sand and one in the tide but never far from either

coffee shop au: dan must do community service as a means to make up for his crimes, it's in the form of a coffee shop (somehow)(don't question it). but apparently he gets a little too into it and when someone asks why he's still there his response is 'what do you mean I've completed my community service years ago?' so in the end he's just some ghost with a magic coffee shop that shows up everywhere(maybe across dimensions even cough cough dcxdp crossover nudge nudge cough cough)

funny summons scenarios: one book said the summoner needed two hundred cursed idols arranged in a circle, they use Furbys and it works. Danny is terrified when he sees where he is and as a consequence his eldritch powers affect the electronics within the dolls and sets them on fire which terrifies him even more. it's a vicious cycle that only ends until he's burned them down into slag

dcxdp de-aged Danny: somehow Danny is de-aged maybe it was some accident from when Danny was helping clockwork clean his house or something, or maybe the Fenton parents made an ectoplasmic vacuum and sucked away some of Danny's ectoplasm causing his body to use its remaining mass to stabilize itself by making him a kid again. and it will be too hard to explain so cue jazz running away to Gotham with Lil Danny so their parents don't dissect him because this kid can't hide his powers for the half-life of him. and somehow she bumps into Talia or Bruce (take your pick) they hit it off while talking about kids and somehow it ends up as a scheduled playdate while Jaz also somehow becomes eligible for more programs (totally not through the good-hearted intentions of a super-secret assassin or gothic detective.)

dpxdc childhood rivalries: the Fentons went to college with this guy named bruce it was a shame he left so soon into the school year but they got on really well and even stayed in touch on and off through the years which led to lots of playdates between their families. but in dicks case he was a circus kid he could do a heckabunch of stuff and jazz even when being much younger had a competitive streak a mile wide it was a lighthearted competition but they both knew there could only be one victor. only Danny at the time just thought it was regular fighting, he and Jason had a sword fight only they used the antiques off the wall (Alfred was very displeased). by the time Tim came around the Fentons had fallen out of contact for a bit but eventually they go introduced to Tim hew as nice but between college student Jaz fourteen and a half Danny that still had to come to terms with half dying it wasn't great but it was a fun summer eventually. it's a Fenton Wayne family rivalry at this point and when Damian comes along and hears about it trust me when I say that it has been on site ever since. Danny drinking his coffee? stabbed. only for his opponent to either bend out of the way or just walk away just before he stabs Danny and Danny just says 'nice swing'. Danny sitting on the couch in the library reading a book? he's dropping down from the curtains only to be snatched up like a kitten and shown memes on Danny's phone instead. and when Bernard comes into the picture just witnessing all these feats of skill and ingenuity, and this is it. this is what makes him think that 'oh god these guys could be the batclan but wait whos this guy then?' Bernard searches but gets nothing and at the point where he just asks Danny to his face about which vigilante he is, and the response? "oh that was like three or four years ago, I'm retired don't tell anyone though my secrets is so illegal and dangerous you don't even want to know' and best of all is the Fentons, they are all clueless. they have no idea that the Wayne family is the batclan. it's a surprise to Danny but the thing is that he can't even consider it after all dick screamed at finding a caterpillar in his hair, Jason sneezes like a kitten and sure he might have the rage to put ten heads in a duffel bag but that dude? no, he gets sympathy pain from the tiniest things, it was like he was the one getting stitches rather than Danny after their failed sword fight. and Tim Tim? the guy that drowns in his oatmeal and once he gets to his eighth red bull starts speaking in ones and zeros? no none of these people could be vigilantes at all. and don't even think about saying bruce is batman the 'butts match' was a shitpost eight years ago and no one wanted to talk about bruce's butt, especially after the incident of '98 there was so much blood, also Danny remembers bruces thirty-second birthday, it was an escape room and the only way they all got out was through complete dumbassery and somehow abandoning their left socks, not. a single brain cell was used that day

[evulosie]

𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 & 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 :

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗦𝗢 𝗬𝗢𝗨, 𝗔𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗠𝗨𝗡, 𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗨𝗧𝗘 𝗜𝗦 𝗘𝗩𝗘 ?⠀⠀⠀⠀Nope! I just really like this fandom theory / speculation & [ I think ] makes for interesting implications! Personally, I subscribe to either that the mother Charlie grew up is Eve ( pretending to be Lillith ) or that Roo is Eve, pulling all the strings on the deal with Alastor; neither of which I will be roleplaying on this blog in particular,

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗪𝗜𝗟𝗟 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗗𝗢 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗘𝗩𝗘 𝗜𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗘𝗗 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗦 ?⠀⠀⠀⠀I will either backup + delete the blog [ or simply archive it ], or make this a dual blog that features Lute & plays a more canon-aligned Eve [ or move respective muses to my main hub over on Kitty as sideblogs ] - this is for fun, I don’t truly subscribe to this theory. On the wild, unlikely scenario this turns out to be canon, I’ll keep writing on the blog,

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗗𝗢 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗨𝗖𝗜𝗙𝗘𝗥 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗥𝗨𝗧𝗛 𝗥𝗘𝗚𝗔𝗥𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗘𝗩𝗘 ?⠀⠀⠀⠀I don’t know what to think, honestly - could be either way. I initially believed he was bluffing + the show paints him as very devoted to his wife [ or gives that impression, I suppose ] but it’s just as likely that he was telling the truth, given Adam’s reaction. For this blog, I lean more towards it was just a bluff, but regardless, Eve / Lute doesn’t like to talk about it,

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗜𝗦 𝗗𝗜𝗙𝗙𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗝𝗪 𝗗𝗢𝗖𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗘 & 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦 𝗜𝗧 𝗔𝗙𝗙𝗘𝗖𝗧 𝗘𝗩𝗘 / 𝗟𝗨𝗧𝗘 ?⠀⠀⠀⠀It’s the religion I ( unfortunately ) was raised in [ note: I’m not in it anymore, as I’m agnostic ], & the one I reference the most.

Per JW doctrine, Adam & Eve were ‘perfect’ & once they disobeyed God, they lost what made them as such; the consequence of eating the fruit & gaining knowledge was to become imperfect, to gradually age & eventually die. They had the prospect of endless life, with perfect health & perpetually youthful bodies; they were perfect in mind & body. They were created for eternal life; I believe per Hazbin lore, Adam probably didn’t eat the fruit [ so he’s permitted to remain in Heaven, despite sinning as well ] - regardless, Eve / Lute clearly remembers Adam eating the fruit alongside her [ whether someone made her remember as such is up to debate ]

Eve was also the first one to acknowledge God by his name when giving birth to Cain, stating she gave birth with His aid; for the purposes of this blog, I interpret that as Eve & God having a slightly more special dynamic versus God & Adam,

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦 𝗟𝗨𝗧𝗘 𝗛𝗔𝗧𝗘 𝗩𝗔𝗚𝗚𝗜𝗘 𝗦𝗢 𝗠𝗨𝗖𝗛 ?⠀⠀⠀⠀Canonically speaking? I like to theorize that she was either jealous that Adam held Vaggie in such high regard, to the point where he named her after ‘the best thing ever’; that, or she liked her romantically, but because such feelings [ toward the same sex ] are frowned upon in Heaven, she repressed such feelings + began to resent her, as if it was Vaggie’s fault. Those are just theories though! It could be that she’s just an equal opportunity hater, haha…

But for the purposes of this blog, well… in essence, Lute views all humans [ current & former ] as less than ( despite her being the ‘mother’ of mankind ) not unlike a disappointed & abusive parent. She also tends to project her insecurities / past mistakes & act of ( arguably ) inventing Sin onto literally everyone else. What Vaggie did was go against orders; for that, she is to be punished without mercy, just as she was. When she committed sin, she was immediately condemned - why wouldn’t anyone else?

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦 𝗔𝗗𝗔𝗠 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗢𝗙 𝗟𝗨𝗧𝗘'𝗦 𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗧𝗬 ?⠀⠀⠀⠀This largely depends on what Adam I’m writing with. My default canon is left ambiguous for this reason; personally I like to think he may have an inkling, but that’s it. It can go either way; Adam may be a jerk, but he’s not intellectually stupid ( … I don’t think so, anyway? ) so he could very well know Lute’s true identity & simply go along with the ruse; plotting is the way to go! Personally, I much fancy the idea that he doesn't know; I love me angst & drama!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦 𝗟𝗨𝗧𝗘 𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗞 𝗦𝗢 𝗗𝗜𝗙𝗙𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗗 𝗧𝗢 𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘 ?⠀⠀⠀⠀Her current physical appearance is a result of punishment; in exchange to remain in Heaven, Lute / Eve lives in the physical appearance she died, from old age - this would include her hair & short stature [ graying hair & 'shrinking', as one does when elderly ]. Her skin is the result of the affliction of ‘specialized’ vitiligo [ as in, placed by her Father ] due to the constant exposure to celestial / holy light as she lives in Heaven.

Her skin literally burns off in the presence of divine light, being stripped of its’ healthy color [ which is constantly ], hence why she chooses to place her helmet & uniform on a lot of the time. Lute / Eve’s skin constantly burns & itches, she’s in constant physical discomfort; underneath her uniform, she has large white patches, peeling skin & burns,

Per 1 Corinthians 11:14 / 15,⠀⠀‘ [ … ] BUT IF A WOMAN HAS LONG HAIR, IT IS A GLORY TO HER? FOR HER HAIR IS GIVEN TO HER INSTEAD OF A COVERING, ’⠀⠀- as such, Lute dons short hair, signifying zero glory to her person, & emphasizes dishonor

[omori-aus-archive]

Alternate Endgames for my Ghost/Resurrected Mari AU

Okay, so I don't plan on going back to my Ghost/Resurrected Mari AU (I did rewrite a few chapters and added supplementary stuff, but that's all), but I wanted to go over "what-if" scenarios for Mari's endgame.

Goddess of Truth (refs by @eggsoupery and @neskastree)

Okay, so we all know how her story ends in this universe. She becomes a god after her death and is ultimately the most enlightened Mari will ever get.

In the initial version, it was her reward for saving Sunny and overcoming the "Grudge"/HellMari. In the rework, she's completely reincarnated into a goddess.

There are admittedly times where she can be stern and upset, but will always make things right in the end. I don't think I need to explain much, tbh.

These refs may or may not be retconned....

Oni of Vengeance (ref by @shrimperini)

Okay, so this is a simple idea. Basically, Mari feels more attached and has a new-found respect for her Fallen Angel powers. In response, she is made an Oni to make sure those in Hell do not escape.

She still maintains her alignment to her family and friends, but she's much more vengeful and violent towards those that may harm them.

Based on the rework of the final battle, how Mari would obtain this form goes like this. Mari is defeated by the "Grudge" and is sent to Hell, where she goes through a lot of torment for (in her perspective) 143 years.

Mari would probably be on the verge of giving up upon being defeated the first time around, before growing furious with Hell mocking her, to which she says "Fuck it" and chooses to become an Oni by any means to save her home by any means.

This anger would be built up with time (ala Asura's Wrath), with Mari in Hell fighting, screaming, threatening, and promising vengeance of those that wronged her and her loved ones.

This anger is also accompanied with her realization about her actions and emotions, in that they don't just effect her, but also the people around her.

And that is why it's very important to not lose yourself to them...as they can cause harm to those you don't intent to hurt. Again, that's one of the mistakes Mari's been trying to make up for.

The road to understanding is how to use your anger towards a passion worth the adrenaline and rage. Not to let it eat you.

Human/Superhuman (refs by @raillue)

Another simple idea. Much like her other selves, she has her human form, but here, Mari easily beats the "Grudge" and chooses to decline the offer to become a god and wants to remain as human as possible.

She's still resurrected and still has access to the dragonic form here as a means of self-defense, but aside from that, she is 100% human.

Merged History

A more complicated idea. Basically, this is a Mari that shares a fused history of the Maris above. She was born human, died and eventually transformed from angel to fallen angel, then the folks in Hell chose to make her their agent of vengeance.

Of course, Mari did not have any say, which only added to her postmortem trauma.

Eventually, she was saved by Heaven and freed, reverting back to a simple spirit. Afterwards, the goddess that helped Mari in the story does so here, making her Sunny's guardian angel. And you know the rest.

Mari ultimately sacrifices her supernatural powers to have her and Sunny remain human.

I don't know what might happen after she crosses the rainbow bridge, but that's not important. Mari's happy with her life and is home with her brother and friends. That's all that matters.

Void Entity

Based on the Merged History idea, but with a twist. Note: This idea does not feature the Dragonic or Goddess forms. Instead, this is something based on the Void Entity from Hollow Knight.

So, basically, Heaven is unable to "cure" Mari of her "ailment". As such, her hopes fade very quickly. Despite that, she continues to pray for salvation and redemption.

Her prayers are answered...from an unlikely source. The infinite nothingness. The nothingness strips away Mari's demonic condition and replaces it with something else.

Mari ultimately becomes something that has no demonic or divine traits. She is something that can only be born from nothing. She still has her sense of self, but has no idea what she is or can do.

Her story after this is largely the same, although her, Mari goes back to Earth to help Sunny via her own power. She also retains her memories of the afterlife.

[redrosesartcabin]

8.Scenario: Lemon Cake

(Edited) This chapter was new and is now also posted on ao3

Megatron x reader fanficition ( can be found here as well https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redrosessoulcabin)

Link to the previous chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/redrosesartcabin/722531904486850560/7-chapter-a-cool-secret-to-keep?source=share

Link to the first post: https://www.tumblr.com/redrosesartcabin/722529797578833920/double-posting-my-fanfic-now

Link to the next chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/redrosesartcabin/722532228849139712/9scenario-the-blow-job

—

You weren’t that much of a cake person, but if there was one cake you spoke about often (as often as one gets to the topic of cake with someone who doesn’t eat any sort of human food), then it was lemon cake. So, he decided to bake it for you for your birthday.

Now, whilst you were out cleaning the chicken enclosure and taking care of some other things outside Megatron forgot about, he stood mass displaced and ready to rumble in your kitchen. The utensils were ready (though with one wooden ladle in the bin because he had once again underestimated his strength), and everything needed for the recipe lay neatly on the counter. It reminded him a little of one of those Wes Anderson movies you had forced him to watch, and he both hated and begrudgingly loved how he saw the counting of the utensils and ingredients in the movies’ style in front of his inner optic.

“Alright then”, Megatron said to himself, clapping his hands together.

First, he read in the recipe, one had to preheat the oven.

Done, that was easy. “I can definitely do this”, he said to himself, but then read the second step: Mixing sugar and butter together was still fine, the texture seemed alright to him after the five minutes of mixing as described, but what was that about the eggs?

“Beating the eggs?”, he asked himself. Sure, he liked to beat something up once in a while, even now.

Sometimes you allowed him to punch some old trees and then you used the remains as firewood.

“You get to let out some steam and I have some firewood!”, you had said, “I think that’s a win win”

-But beating eggs? You humans did that whilst baking? And somehow the egg ended up in the bowl?

“Well then”, he eventually concluded. The best way to beat them so they end up where they should, he then thought, was probably to throw the egg in the air and then hit it directly over the bowl. And since his hands were big enough, he threw the two big eggs needed for the recipe in the air and sliced them in one go. A lot of the yolk and egg white ended splattered on his armor, on the floor, on the walls and even on the ceiling, but there seemed to be enough in the bowl for it to be satisfactory. “The eggshells probably also give it enough sustenance” he said to himself and smiled. Beating those eggs was quite satisfactory, he hoped he could do more of that in the future. He was sure you would be delighted by his cake.

Two hours later

This was not the kind of delight Megatron imagined you having for his cake.

“What are you laughing at?!”, he almost screamed, seeing the tears of laughter streaming over your face, “I beat those eggs like nothing has ever been beaten up before”, but that only made you laugh harder.

“He beat the eggs up, he beat the freaking eggs up oh my god”, you wheezed, lying on the floor, “I can’t breathe!”

[melatonindepicts]

Stuck Together (Ulquiorra Love Story)

Doing a double scenario, giving the Ulquiorra x Reader a sequel or a few, but it’s going to be in the perspective of a girl named Liz, same story as the x reader, but just not in that perspective. By all means, pretend it’s you, but writing it from that perspective drives me insane. Just their first kiss hasn’t taken place, or any romance for that matter. I want it to be a separate love story. There will be love eventually though.

Word count: 3,769

Character count: 20,980

After Liz finally broke away from hugging Ulquiorra, all three of them began to make their way down the street. It was a beautiful sunset, with the cold breeze hitting against Liz’s face. She dreaded seeing the others in the human world, since they got set back here. They won’t have their powers, but at the moment she, Grimmjow, and Ulquiorra don’t have their powers either. As she walked down next to Grimmjow, she realized Ulquiorra wasn’t walking next to her anymore.

“Where did Ulquiorra go?” Liz said, slinging her head around in all directions, frantically looking for the Espada. She caught a glance of his Kimono tails flowing as he turned a corner. Both her and Grimmjow ran back, and peeked around the corner of the alleyway. There was Ulquiorra, crouched down looking at something that Liz and Grimmjow couldn’t see. “What is it, Ulquiorra?” Grimmjow asked, walking towards him cautiously. Ulquiorra turned around, and in his arms was the smallest, little black kitten. Liz’s eyes widened. “Awhh! Oh my god it’s adorable!” she squeaked, crouching down next to Ulquiorra and petting it.

“What is it?” He asked, grabbing its paws and smushing the toebeans of it, watching the claws retract. Grimmjow facepalmed then let out a long groan. She was scratching its chin then looked up at Ulquiorra in confusion. “You’ve never seen a cat before?” Liz asked, turning her head slightly. Ulquiorra stared blankly at her for a second, then turned his attention back to the little kitten. “Yes, I have. But this one does not look like Grimmjow.” he stated, continuing to mess with its paws.

“I’m not a fucking cat you shit! Pantera is a panther form! Even then panthers look much fiercer, more dangerous, and bigger! Not like that little fucking thing, don’t compare me to it!” he yelled, pissed as fuck. Ulquiorra said nothing and continued to mess with its paws. The cat was content in Ulquiorra’s arms, it just remained there, before it began to lick Ulquiorra’s hand. Ulquiorra flinched then looked up at her and Grimmjow, with a blank look, but she could tell he was asking what the fuck it’s doing. “I’m surprised it got that comfortable with you, it’s probably a house kitten that got out, hence why it’s so comfortable with you already.” Liz said, scratching behind its ear.

Part of Ulquiorra wanted to throw it off of him, but he didn’t because he felt she and Grimmjow wouldn’t like that very much, he didn’t want to cause anything without his powers. He remained still as it licked his hand, but he was beginning to get a little impatient with the little cat. Eventually Liz picked it up out of Ulquiorra’s arms, and slowly stroked it. “Definitely a house cat” she said, inspecting it to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong with it. “There isn’t anything really wrong with it, I’m sure the owners will eventually find it.” Liz said, rubbing its belly. “Good, now put it down so we can get the fuck out of here” Grimmjow groaned. Ulquiorra said nothing as he stood back up, but she looked at Grimmjow with sad eyes. “But the poor things alone! Can’t we just bring it with us?” Liz begged, causing Grimmjow to facepalm. “Fine…” he quietly mumbled under his breath. A long smile spread across Liz’s face, looking at the cat. “What should we name him?” she asked, continuing to rub it’s stomach. Grimmjow let out a scoff and Ulquiorra said nothing. Liz eyerolled, then just stood there looking at it. “Kurai. Neither of you are making a recommendation so Kurai will work” she said, smiling wide. Ulquiorra just stared at the little cat, and Grimmjow looked away with his arms crossed. Eventually all four of them walked out of the Alley, luckily with Kurai being already a social cat, following all three of them without needing to hold it.

At this point, the sun had set and the stars began to come out, and once again, Ulquiorra stopped and just stared at the sky. “For god's fucking sake! What is it now, Ulquiorra?!” Grimmjow growled, seeing he’d been zoning out again. Ulquiorra said nothing, as Liz and Grimmjow walked next to him. “I never had the time to focus on the night sky in the world of the living.” he stated, keeping his eyes on the stars. Grimmjow didn’t say anything. The stars began to become more apparent as it got darker, slowly the full moon came out. Ulquiorra’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of the full moon, he’d never seen it before. Whenever he had come to the world of the living, the moon was never full. “Pretty, isn’t it?” Liz said, turning her attention to the sky as well, as Kurai sat down next to her.

Grimmjow eventually groaned loudly. “Can we please just get a move on?! This place is cold, and I don’t want somebody noticing Ulquiorra’s and I’s fucking outfits, and maybe the fact he’s as pale as a ghost?! We don’t have anything to hide our appearances, and I don’t think saying it’s a really good Halloween outfit will work with someone freaking out.” he said in a fit. But he was right, they couldn’t risk drawing attention. Luckily for Liz she didn’t need to hide her appearance, as she was a human. Grimmjow on the other hand from Ulquiorra was a bit more believable, at least because he had his hollow hole in his gut covered up at the moment. Ulquiorra on the other hand did have his covered up, but he was pale as a ghost, weirdly vibrant green eyes, lines coming down from it… you get the point. He looked like a makeup artist for Halloween.

If people saw Ulquiorra, they either might freak out, or ask questions. Liz would prefer if they freak out, because if they asked questions, Ulquiorra would answer blatantly, and once they didn’t believe his explanation, he would show them his hollow hole and ask him if they’re afraid or something, you know, a panic starter. Liz brushed those thoughts away with a little laugh, before turning to look down the street.

“Right now it's quiet hours, I know what town we’re in but it’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I’m pretty sure I know where my old house is from here. We can stay there for now, afterall it’s only been a month since I left this place.” Liz said, as she began to walk down the street. Grimmjow and Kurai followed behind, and after a few moments, Ulquiorra did as well. Grimmjow had his arms behind his head as they walked, while Liz focused on trying to take in their surroundings. Ulquiorra was just staring ahead blankly, behind all of them. Eventually they reached a small two story house, with a slightly overgrown front yard.

“Well this is it, hope I turned off all my lights when I left for the day.” she said, before shooting a death glare at Ulquiorra. He just stared back blankly in return, before she turned back around and walked up to the door. She proceeded to slide a wooden plank aside from the porch, as Ulquiorra watched curiously and Grimmjow just sighed impatiently. As she did, she pulled out a key. “Good thing I decided to have an extra house key.” she said, as she unlocked the door.

All four of them walked into the small little house, as Liz turned on the light. “Good, the place isn’t destroyed or didn’t get broken into while I was gone, and I don’t see anything on.” she said, walking in. Ulquiorra just looked at the coat hanger curiously, Kurai walked his fat little ass in and slopped down on the couch, along with Grimmjow. Liz walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and started taking things out. Ulquiorra walked in and watched what she was pulling out. “What are you doing?” he asked, as she pulled out some tomatoes. “Getting rid of the molding or expired food. I don’t want this stuff piling up.” She said, before grabbing the stack and putting it in the trash. Ulquiorra looked at the fridge in confusion, before walking over and inspecting it.

Liz turned around, and walked next to Ulquiorra, before pulling out some stuff. “Well, since you guys don’t exactly have your powers right now, you guys are going to need to actually eat food.” she said, glancing into the living room at Grimmjow. Grimmjow had eaten a lot of different kinds of food before, but not the most flavorful ones. Ulquiorra on the other hand only really had brought it to prisoners. He knew what it was, and why they needed it, but he knew he didn’t need food. Hearing this he raised his eyebrow. “I know you probably don’t really care about taste, Ulquiorra. I’m going to fix up some chicken tenders, for Grimmjow’s sake mostly” she said, pulling out a frozen bag of them, before setting the oven to preheat.

Grimmjow remained on the couch, laying there, while staring at the roof. His little staring contest with the roof was interrupted by Kurai getting up, then stepping on Grimmjow’s lap. He looked down at the cat then glared. “I’m not a cushion, you fatfuck” he said, trying to carefully push the cat off. Kurai didn’t budge though, just repositioned himself, before curling up. Grimmjow continued to glare at the cat, before letting out a sigh in defeat. “You’re lucky you’re small, if you weren’t you’d be thrown through the walls of this damn place.” he said, before leaning back again.

Ulquiorra just watched in silence as Liz pulled out a baking pan, and spread the chicken tenders out on them. “Can we not just eat them how they are right now? Why the unnecessary cooking?” He asked blatantly. Liz just looked at him puzzled, then shrugged. “You might be able to eat these things frozen, but they’re not pleasant and hard to eat frozen, and hurt pretty bad to bite into” she said, before sliding the pan into the oven. Ulquiorra didn’t respond, just stood there in silence as she took off the baking mitts. Liz turned around and walked out of the kitchen, before turning up and walking upstairs. Ulquiorra turned back into the living room, seeing Grimmjow and Kurai. “Don’t even. Fucker wouldn’t budge and I don’t want to kill it on accident,” he said annoyed. Ulquiorra walked into the living room, then began to scan over one of the bookshelves in there.

Liz opened the door to her room, walking in and collapsing on her bed. She looked at her nightstand, then grabbed her purse, and pulled out her wallet and phone. “Thank god they’re still here” she said, turning her phone on. She noticed she had hundreds of texts, discord messages, and missed calls. “Fuck!” She yelled, as she dialed her mom. She had forgotten about her family and friends, not to mention her boyfriend.

“H- Hey mom, it’s been a bit, I’m sorry I couldn’t return your calls” she said, rubbing the back  of her head.

“Sweetheart! Oh my Jesus Christ, I was so close to reporting you missing. I had called a few days back to check on how you were ever since you moved out a month ago, but you never picked up. What happened?!” her mom said, over the phone frantically.

A single sweatdrop slid down her face, as she hesitated and thought of a response. “U- Uh… I lost my phone… yea… I couldn’t find it” she said, nervously pinching her arm.

“Oh my, you have to be more careful, those things are expensive. But I called to ask if it’d be ok if me and your father came over to visit? It’s been so long since we’ve seen our baby girl! And we’re yet to meet your man, Andrew. We want to get to meet our future son in law!” She said happily

Liz let out a quiet gasp, she had forgotten about Andrew… “Uh yea mom, I’m going to need to go now, I’ve gotta talk to some others, I’ll call you back, alright?” she said, then quickly hung up.

She began to dial Andrew’s number, getting nervous. They’d been together for a few months now, but it was more long distance now as he was on a trip. 

“Uh.. Hey Andrew” she said, shakily and somewhat happily. She would’ve felt relieved to hear his voice, if it wasn’t in the tone it was.

“Oh.. Liz? Where in the hell have you been?! I’ve been worried sick about you, you haven’t called or responded to any of my texts! Where the fuck did you go?!” He said frantically, Liz felt this wave of guilt wash over her.

“I’m so sorry, I had lost my phone and I couldn’t find it for a month,” she said, pinching her arm again.

“We both know that’s bullshit, listen Liz, you disappeared for a month, and if that’s the case then why the hell did you not just use your laptop to message me over discord?! Like what the fuck?! Or ask Maya to borrow her phone?! I know that’s not the truth, what’s going on” he said angrily, Liz felt her heart drop, realizing she’d been caught in a lie.

But of course, in a painful stroke of misfortune. “What is going on?” A monotone voice asked, at her door. “W- Who the fuck is that?! Liz?!” Andrew said over the phone. Liz tried to open her mouth, but no words came out. “Ok, listen I just got back last night, I’m coming over now.” He said, before hanging up. “Wait, Andrew you can’t! Andrew?!” she yelled. Liz slammed the phone down on the bed, before glaring at Ulquiorra. “Answer my question,” he said, coldly. “It was a call with my boyfriend, and now he probably thinks I’m a fucking cheater because you decided ot barge in without goddamn knocking! Why the fuck are you up here?” Liz asked, still glaring at him. Ulquiorra raised his eyebrow. He knew what relationships were, and what a boyfriend was, but the feeling was supernatural to him, but he understood what the terms were. “Why would he think that?” he asked, not a tint of emotion still. “Well, another guy in my house, while he was on a trip… I hadn’t called for a month… and he caught me in a lie. It doesn’t take much to put two and two together.” she said, trying to hold back the tears.

That is, until what Andrew had said before he hung up sank in. “Wait… FUCK! If Andrew comes over, he’s gonna freak the fuck out… he only lives a few houses down… so that means-” but before she could finish, she heard yelling from downstairs.

Grimmjow

Both Ulquiorra and Liz bolted downstairs, before seeing Andrew at the door, with Grimmjow yelling at him. “Listen pal, I don’t care who you are, claim all you want but I ain’t letting you in, so bugger off fuckface!” Grimmjow growled, slamming his hand on the wall. “Grimmjow wait, I know him, just move to the side” Liz said frantically. Grimmjow scoffed and moved to the side. Andrew glared at Grimmjow. “Listen, it’s best if we talk about this in private.” Liz said, stepping outside, closing the door before he could see Ulquiorra.

“So, what do you have to say for yourself? You don’t only have a guy over, he’s a fucking cosplayer or some shit! What the fuck is going on here, Liz.” He said, angrily, but the shakiness in his voice was apparent.

Liz just looked at the ground, trying to think of a way to say this. “Listen, he’s an old friend of mine, and he came over for the night.” she said, pinching her arm and shuffling.

Andrew sighed in disgust “I know you're lying. If you weren’t happy with our fucking relationship, you should’ve just said so.” He said, looking away.

She let out a frustrated groan, causing Andrew to shuffle a bit. “Listen, I don’t fucking know how to explain this to you!  A lot has happened to me in this last month, and if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me and think I’m insane!” Liz snapped at him, causing him to look at her with a shocked expression.

“Better get to explaining then.” he said, sternly.

She let out a long sigh, before pulling up the sleeves to her shirt, revealing long scars, and burn marks. This caused Andrew to gasp, and his eyes to narrow. “Those two in there, yes there’s two. They aren’t… ugh how do I say this, they aren’t of this world. If you want proof I can give you proof, if you want to run away screaming I’m insane then go ahead and do it, I don’t care anymore, I was kidnapped, then found out I’m not fully a human. You wouldn’t understand.” She said, hesitantly. Andrew looked at her confused as hell, but concerned about the scars.

“What the fuck do you mean you were kidnapped… by who…” he said quietly, looking at her concerned.

“One… of the guys in there… he… well… uh…” she said, trailing off.

Andrew slowly turned his head towards the window, watching as Grimmjow sat back down on the couch. Andrew looked at her like she was insane. “Then why the flying FUCK do you have them in your goddamn fucking house?!” He yelled at her, clenching his fist at Grimmjow. “A long with that, who the fuck names their kid Grimmjow?!” he stated, scoffing

But right as Liz was about to explain, she realized there was an easier way. While they had lost most of their powers, little remnants were coming back. She grabbed Andrew’s arm and walked back towards the door. “They’re better at explaining than I am…” she said, quietly.

Andrew just walked with her to the door, as she opened it. Andrew let out a gasp at the sight of Ulquiorra, with his back turned, scanning the bookshelf. Grimmjow turned his head, then let out a growl at the sight of Andrew. “Hey uh… Ulquiorra… Would you mind doing your… you know.. Eye thing…” she said hesitantly, before turning her attention to Andrew, who was now bewildered and pale… almost as pale as Ulquiorra. “Just, don’t freak out ok” Liz said, sitting him down on a chair. Ulquiorra proceeded to take out his eye, causing Andrew to let out a shriek “WHAT THE FUCK?!” He yelled, as Ulquiorra crushed it. Liz hushed Andrew as the events played out, showing bits and pieces of what happened, leaving out a lot of details though.

Andrew said nothing, staring at it. As it was done, he sat there unable to move. He turned his head to Liz, and just stared horrified “this is a joke, right?” Andrew asked shakily. Liz just shook her head slowly, as Ulquiorra’s little televised memories came to an end. Andrew shook his head in disbelief as Ulquiorra casually turned around and continued to scan the bookshelf. Andrew slowly stood up, and looked at Liz, but this time it wasnt with a face of disbelief, It was a face of anger and disgust. “Yea, ok, sure.” he said quietly, before walking up behind Ulquiorra, and throwing a punch right at him, on the side without his hollow-mask.

Grimmjow and Liz just watched in disbelief as Ulquiorra caught Andrew’s punch with no effort. He slowly turned his head to the side, turning his eyes to Andrew. “You’re lucky you didn’t break your fist. If I hadn’t intervened you would’ve broken it.” Ulquiorra simply stated, while casually using his other hand to grab a book. Andrew stared in disbelief, “What do you mean?!” He snapped, but Grimmjow began to stand up, pissed as fuck. Liz just stood there shocked, unsure of what to do. “Listen you fucking emo freak, you’ve been screwing my girlfriend, and probably that other guy over there as well, but I ain’t leaving this place without knocking your pale ass out first.” He said, before he lifted up his other hand, Grimmjow and Liz were about to intervene, but Ulquiorra simply tightened his grip on his other fist, letting a bone cracking sound tear through the air, followed by a yelp from Andrew. “I do not know where you got that logic from. I showed you exactly what happened, where it happened, and why it happened. You do not need any more information as it’s irrelevant. Leave this place, or I will forcefully have to remove you.” He stated, causing Andrew’s eyes to narrow.

“Break it up, break it up” Liz said, walking over and pushing Andrew away from Ulquiorra, as Ulquiorra wouldn’t budge for shit. Andrew jumped back and glared at Liz harshly. “Don’t fucking touch me you whore!” he shrieked at Liz, holding his broken hand in his other hand. “Alright, how about this little pal, you take your leave right now, and nobody get’s hurt.” Grimmjow said, walking over. “And what if I refuse?” he asked, letting a small smirk creep across Grimmjow’s face, as sweat dripped off of Andrew. “Simple, I break every one of ya fucking limbs and forcefully throw you through the goddamn fucking window, then beat you to a bloody pulp if you ever come back” Grimmjow said, causing Andrew to flinch. “H- Hey Grimmjow, stop, go sit down, I’ll just show Andrew the door, Ulquiorra I’m sorry about that” Liz said, before gesturing Andrew to the door. Andrew snarled but complied. As they reached the door, Andrew turned. “Listen, I don’t care if what I saw was actually true, and they’re not freaky cosplayers. Either way we’re done, I don’t want to get involved with this bullshit, or your cheating. Goodbye, Liz.” He said, slamming the door shut.

𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜, 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚗! 𝙰𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝, 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚞𝚐𝚎 𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚎𝚜, 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜. 𝙲𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝

[mercyofempty]

oh my god that reminds me of the nightmare i had last year where i was trapped in a chilla's art game. i vaguely remember the plot was something like i was some of the only people left on earth (about the size of what you imagine an afterschool club to be and then some), there where these mutated monsters everywhere from this typical apocalyptic earth scenario but the worst of it had come to pass. Technically with the lasting humans we could repopulate the planet and learn to survive and deal with these monsters but everyone was just so depressed and just accepted that this would be the end of mankind. i worked at a hospital where i looked after some of the last remaining humans who still needed constant medical care but during my commute to and from work i had to be careful of the monsters roaming the streets, and i was also being stalked by someone i could only vaguely see out of the corner of my eye in the nearby woods. eventually got a really bad gory jumpscare when returning to my apartment one day and i guess to alleviate some of the scariness my brain deployed a jerma reaction cam in the lower right corner

[grandlance]

COOL ok time to talk about quiri’s views on the master of chaldea. 

so, for reference, he gets to rank 5 bond within a grand total of uhhh 15k bond points. normal romulus takes a total of 50k to reach bond 5, for reference. 

he keeps talking about rome and romance, even more than romulus and ok that’s sorta obnoxious, but also it’s really ominous when it’s put in context of who quirinus is. a "two faced god", a war god who is preaching love as if he’s venus or some shit and he is very much not. not that venus isn’t also really petty at times, but that’s for another time. 

quirinus is also in chaldea because of a bond he forged with the master of chaldea when olympus was happening 

nemo: "it's possible. let's try it. if the divine spirit triton and the heroic spirit nemo commit there all, it's certain" --> ???: "that isn't necessary" ???: "o small child of the great sea. i shall create the path" ???: "i am romulus become as quirinus, a friend to those who cultivate the world" quirinus: "though the strength in this flesh is obligated still to a use hereafter, i give it forth" "i here commit the entirety of my divine essence that remains; the entirety of my authority to see you to your destination"

yeah he’s supposed to be as yeet as anyone else who gave up a saint graph in olympus ⎛ and in theory, it's the concept that grand servants all get the solomon effect, where they do something incredible and then erase themselves? ⎠ yet, he’s called back ⎛ should the master summon him. i always function under the assumption that the master has Everyone for writing purposes ⎠  

the rapid bond that quirinus formed with the master of chaldea started in olympus. now, his bond 6 to 10 ... that’s a really slow bonding. it boils down to the nature of quirinus as a chaotic neutral. he already reached the 5th bond without even being anyone’s servant, which was like a survival play for the worst case scenario — he literally cheated total destruction. the part where someone really gets to know him, that’s a long and hard road. not to say that he won’t be loyal to the master of chaldea ⎛ he will be! ⎠ but opening up is going to take a while. as he bonds more, he will reveal the truth about himself. by bond 10 he’s very likely enamored with his master and it isn’t just the rome romance sort of love, but the real deal. a one of a kind genuine love. that’s why his bond CE is..  

The starry sky... Countless sparkles scattered across the night sky. And a pair of someone's arms are held out, extended, as if embracing that brilliance in its entirety.

You think: Those must surely be the arms of the supreme god you know.

You see: That those are the arms of the supreme god...

And you know: That those arms will eventually reach the skies, and they are the arms of the supreme god who formed a contract with you...they are arms that work for you, and they will work for whoever comes after you. They represent tomorrow...the future...

The arms are love... Romance... A human's dream given form.

by bond 10, quirinus very much cares for the master of chaldea and is willing to share something very beautiful with them, which brings me serotonin thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[caxycreations]

This one's for you, @walugus-grudenburg

Losing his will to live can kill Wario? Oh boy, let me tell you a story...

Goku has cost the following people their will to live at some point or another, and even if they recovered they still, at one time, lost their will to live over something:

Emperor Pilaf

Mercenary Tao

Tienshinhan

Zamasu (it's canon he felt he was unworthy of being a God and therefore deserved death entirely due to one lost match against Goku, for a moment, before his ego took over and he changed his opinion entirely)

Vegeta (literally by just being stronger, Goku pushed Vegeta to train so hard he hit his limit, and it's canon Vegeta still felt so inferior that he just didn't care anymore whether he lived or died)

And you say Wario can lose his will to live if he loses all his money, yes?

Goku can maintain SSJB for several minutes (as shown by the ToP being 40 minutes long and Goku and Vegeta using SSB for roughly 10 minutes out of the tournament, grand total) despite the absolutely massive stamina drain, and can remain in SSJ permanently if he chooses.

Goku as a child was running the Red Ribbon army in circles, and, as I stated before, nothing Wario can do is beyond the ability of the Red Ribbon Army. So, based on that we can pretty safely assume Goku is going to beat any effort Wario makes, which is where you get the idea of a stalemate: Goku beats Wario's attempts, Wario just keeps trying, this repeats forever, yes?

But it wouldn't. Because look at what happened when Red Ribbon tried it: Goku eventually got sick of it, hit the limit of his patience, and went on the offensive until they were nothing but remnants. Tatters of what they used to be.

Wario's tenacity would prove his downfall, simply because Goku would get tired of it and, eventually, rampage through every last facility Wario has, destroying them all until nothing was left, and with Instant Transmission he could easily find Wario no matter where he goes. Either Wario loses his will to live out of fear (Nothing is scarier than a god-like being that can crush you with one hand teleporting to where you are no matter how fast or how far you run) or he loses his will to live because he'll never, ever recover financially from the losses Goku has incurred.

Either Wario dies of fear at the absolute horror that is Serious Goku, or he dies of despair at the sudden emptiness of his bank account from needing to pay off cleanup fees, repair costs, replacement costs, and having to build whole new places (which Goku will undoubtedly destroy as soon as he's aware of them) until his bank runs dry.

Goku's endurance is so high, in Base Form he could easily fight for hours on end without breaking a sweat if it's against machines and contraptions like Wario's.

That said...I could still see a case for Wario winning in one scenario.

Goku not seeing him as a threat.

If Goku fails to perceive any danger, and does not expect any danger, he is as vulnerable as any untrained human. So if Wario went with a truly lethal contraption that did not APPEAR lethal until it struck the deciding blow, Goku would lose outright.

But so long as Goku is aware there is malicious intent, or perceives any level of danger, his guard will be up and Wario won't be able to win.

I think, in most cases, you're right; it would end in a tie.

But I can absolutely still see cases in favor of Goku.

Okay, I've been nerd sniped, I'm sorry

So let's go through the canonical likelihood they could each beat Goku. For the sake of keeping canon, we'll keep groups/pairs together if they would never reasonably be apart for something like this.

So first up are the ones I see that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.

Saiki K

Saiki is an omnipotent psychic/psionic with quite literally every single possible power out there. Now, this on its own isn't enough to beat Goku. Versatility doesn't mean everything, but Saiki is also powerful enough to rewrite the genetics and reality of everything within range, and his range is, so far, "Earth".

So this, on its own, would allow him to rewrite Goku's biology to make him Human. Bye bye zenkai boosts, bye bye Saiyan transformations. And Saiki, with his powers, has no trouble beating a Human of any caliber if he truly wanted to. And for those who ask "Why would he ever fight Goku?"

One simple reason: Goku would sense his immense power, and be excited for a fight. Goku is respectful enough to not force one if he's refused, but he's persistent enough to badger Saiki until he's given a chance. And Saiki, being Saiki, would simply take off one of his limiters, or both, and rewrite reality as such: "Being an alien isn't possible", thereby making it effective immediately that Goku must be lying/insane, and he is, in fact, Human. Easy win for Saiki.

And for those who would argue against this, bear in mind, the funniest way to beat Goku in this instance would be to simply make him weaker than Saiki, and Saiki is a gag character from a gag series, and it's already been shown in the world of Dragon Ball, and again in Dragon Ball Super, that Goku is incapable of defeating a gag character regardless of that characters canonical ability.

Saiki could win without gag character status, but even in the instance of Goku "beating" him, the gag would turn out to be that Saiki only pretended to get beaten, and is actually entirely unharmed because it was the easiest way to get Goku to leave him alone. Followed by a reveal that Goku will still show up now and then to ask for sparring matches, to drive the point home.

Popeye

Gag character. Would get beaten handily, crawl his way to spinach, and then be exactly as strong as he needs to be to take Goku down in however many hits is funniest.

Bugs Bunny

The gag character to end all gag characters. Someone on this hellsite once described Bugs as a "Trickster God who traps us in our own societal expectations" or some such. Like convincing Thanos to remove the Infinity Gauntlet by establishing a security checkpoint with a metal detector and shaming him into cooperating by telling him there's others waiting.

He could beat Goku in a billion ways, and each and every one of them would involve some shenanigan like Goku throwing a spirit bomb, Bugs showing up behind him holding it, saying "Ehhh, can you hold this for a second?" and as soon as Goku takes it and Bugs is off-screen, it would explode and Goku would be a pile of ashes with blinking eyes. Bugs would win because Bugs' gag is that...well, he simply can't be beaten.

The Warner Trio

Gag trio. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot would snark, sass, and sarcastic-joke their way into the scene, and they would spend the entire time poking fun at him, roasting his look, being unfazed by his attacks because "Nice laser show but we didn't bring our glowsticks." and just being too unbothered to care.

They would undoubtedly annoy Goku into admitting defeat simply to get away from them.

Road Runner

Gag character. Would force Goku to chase him, Goku would fire some blasts, chase him around, and inevitably be led right into the path of a blast he fired earlier to be disintegrated by it.

Pop Team Epic

I know nothing about this series except that it is a gag series. They are gag characters. That means Goku is inherently incapable of beating them.

ASDF Guy

Gag character. Could beat Goku with a simple "Hello, Mine-Turtle!" or "I like Trains."

Heart Diagram

Goku was literally killed by a heart virus in Future Trunks' timeline. This is one that has actually canonically already killed Goku.

Chowder

Gag character. Would likely be after S-Cells for some recipe and need to take Goku's as he's "The only Saiyan in this episode!" or some such, thereby ending the fight with a shot of Chowder wearing Goku's Gi for comedic effect while Dahl stirs raw Super Saiyan aura in a pot to hint that Chowder killed Goku for his S-Cells.

Force Ghost Trio

Gag versions of serious characters, and also ghosts. Goku is canonically unable to beat ghosts or gag characters, and these guys are both.

Those are the ones that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.

Now, let's go over the ones that could, potentially, be it likely or unlikely.

Kirby

Kirby is often considered a gag character, but he isn't. He has a very specific level of power, even if that level of power is "fuck you" levels of power. Kirby has beaten Gods, but so has Goku, even more often and with greater ease. However, Kirby has absorption and power-theft. Kirby could, potentially, absorb Goku (he isn't the brightest and Kirby has his unassuming appearance on his side) and take on his strongest form, including its powerup, and given Kirby in base form is likely more powerful than Goku in base form (Goku needed SSJ to scare Supreme Kai, Kirby beats Gods in base), it's possible Kirby would be more powerful than Goku with the same power up.

Kevin McCallister

Okay, hear me out.

Kevin is technically a gag character, BUT. He is not TRULY a gag character. He just happens to be a comedy character.

So he isn't guaranteed to win, but he could still possibly do so. How you ask?

Goku has been somewhat injured or lightly shaken by the following: planet-shattering attacks. Punches that rock the universe. Energy blasts so potent they would destroy entire galaxies.

Goku has been rendered inconsolable from the pain of the following: chest pain and a half-heartedly, boredly tossed pebble.

It is canon that when Goku and the other fighters in the series are expecting an attack or primed for battle, they are protected by their ki, like armor. It's how they're able to knock away attacks that would destroy planets, or put their "bare" hands on plasma energy that would normally burn the skin off you from a mile away let alone touching it.

This is why when Krillin threw the rock at Goku, it left him in agony and bruised him despite Goku being in Super Saiyan form at the time. This is why Chi-Chi is able to injure Goku regardless of how strong he gets.

So, how does this relate to Kevin being able to beat him? It's everything. It's critical information.

Kevin McCallister's entire M.O. is unexpected attacks. You open a door, you see a bucket fall, think it's over, turns out no, second bucket pulled by the first, second bucket is full of paint and open, you're blinded, you get your bearings, you take a step and feel cars, you smirk and step over them only to find marbles, you slip, you land on the cars which turn out to have been rigged to break easier to let loose a single thumbtack which is now firmly stuck in your back or butt. You bolt upright only to slam your head on a 2x4 that was rigged to hang down from a rope when you fell because your impact shook things enough to make it fall from a precarious perch above.

You get the idea. Every time you think it's safe to let your guard down, that's when the next wave hits. So you say "well he would stop letting his guard down" right? You fool. You know nothing of Goku. He would never put his guard UP. This is a human child, Goku can sense his pitiful power level. His strength? His speed? His ki? Weak. Pathetic. Nothing. A scouter wouldn't even register his power it's so low.

Goku never raises his guard to Chi-Chi, or to Bulma, or to Hercule. He does not raise his defense against normal, powerless, non-combative humans.

"BUT KEVIN IS COMBATIVE" No. He isn't. Goku can sense intent, power, and location. But Kevin isn't actively intending to hurt Goku. He's intending to protect himself and his home. He's not actively wanting to hurt Goku, he's just wanting Goku to leave. He doesn't have power to threaten Goku with, so Goku won't pick up on any threatening aura. And while Goku could simply instant transmission to Kevin and do what he will, we're not talking about how Goku could win, we're going over the fact Kevin could POSSIBLY win.

Enough injury and Goku is down for the count. Otherwise, Goku leaves to avoid further injury, and thereby admits defeat. Both cases, Kevin wins.

Shedinja

This one took me...quite a while. I had to do a lot of extra research for this. So, my immediate thought was Shedinja is a Ghost type, so ghost rules, right? Nah. Bug and Ghost type, and they are the physical shell left behind that has been reanimated. So they very much are physical beings, and given their ability to faint in the games and show they are capable of being physically damaged.

But There's a real case to be made for Shedinja beating Goku.

It can learn Ghost type moves, which operate on ghost-logic, and therefore are a canon weakness Goku is known to have. So things like Shadow Ball, Hex, Curse, and the like would all effect Goku regardless of Ki or form.

It also has access to Wonder Guard, which renders it "immune to all damage types that are not Super-Effective". For those unaware, we can actually attribute Typings to Goku's moves based on attributes and traits they share with Pokemon moves. His melee is, by nature, Fighting type, which Shedinja is immune to. In fact, Shedinja is immune to ALL attack types except Flying, Rock, Ghost, Dark, and Fire type moves, which are all Super Effective.

Goku's most common methods would actually fall under Fighting and Normal type attacks. "But his Ki blasts-" would be Normal type moves. You want proof?

Focus Energy is Normal Type. Quick Attack is Normal Type. Self Destruct is Normal Type. Techno Blast is Normal Type. Tera Blast is Normal Type. These are all energy based moves similar to ki blasts. Know what other energy based move is Normal Type? Hyperbeam. Which is almost identical to the Kamehameha and every other beam attack in DBZ.

Those few attacks Goku has that aren't going to be Normal Type will be Fighting Type.

Shedinja is Immune to all Normal and Fighting Type moves. Goku literally can not damage Shedinja, but Shedinja can damage Goku through Ghost Type moves. Shedinja can beat Goku. But why is it not "absolutely will" beat him? Because Goku can also transform his Ki and if he finds out Shedinja is vulnerable to fire, he can and will use that to his advantage.

That's who could potentially beat Goku. Here's who absolutely could not.

Kingdom Hearts Mickey

K.H. Mickey has a clear power limit and ability set. He is not strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, or durable enough to beat Goku, but he is just enough of a threat for Goku to actually put his guard up, which is why K.H. Mickey would lose; Goku would see it as a fight, unlike with Kevin.

Crash Bandicoot

Crash isn't nearly powerful enough to be a threat to Goku, but he IS insane enough to push Goku to hostility. Goku would feel the need to put effort into getting him away and that is his downfall.

Hatsune Miku

Goku would assume she is a Red Ribbon android and fight her on assumption she's trying to kill him or bring harm to Earth. He would hit her full force expecting her to tank it and she would keel over dead instantly.

Wario

Everything he could possibly do, the Red Ribbon Army has tried and done better, and they've never beaten Goku. Neither would he.

Sans

Lost to a child with slightly above average human determination, and standard human strength and speed. He does not beat Goku.

And just because you specifically told me not to @ you, have this :)

@that-one-enby-onyx