#in a reckless party boy way and not in a lose weight type of way

[sampilled]

i think dean would have some bulimic tendencies but in a very "the romans used to throw up so they could drink and eat more too" type of way. like he just wants to numb his feelings but to do that he must eat/drink type of way.

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[ayellowcurtain]

Prompt: maybe Lucas going to one of these urbex parties (invited by Eliott of course) and someone there thinking they have an open relationship because of the [redacted] with Lola, he hits on Lucas and Eliott founds out is not funny being on the other side of things.

Eliott at the urbex party with Mayas Gang (+Lola) while Lucas went to a party with the boy squad and they bump into each other in the roads late at night and Eliott does the typical seeing Lucas noice and running over to him to kiss him and Jo is just like "biggest Elu shipper in the world"?

Eliott had finally created the courage to invited Lucas and the boys to an urbex party. It’s his two worlds colliding in one public place and so he can’t help but feel a little insecure. Especially of Lucas’ reaction since it took Eliott months to actually invite him to come to one of his favorite places to party.

Lucas went out before him, telling him that he was going to Yann’s first. He didn’t ask, didn’t warn, just told Eliott where he was going while Eliott was still taking a shower.

He left their bathroom to find an empty and quiet flat to himself. Eliott would be lying if he said it didn’t sting. The feeling of being left behind when Lucas could very well invite him to go to Yann’s too, but he didn’t.

They text each other and Lucas will meet him there with the boys so Eliott goes alone to the urbex place of choice. He’s done this so many times by now, but tonight feels weird, harder.

He tries to ease his worries as he gets to the party, meeting the Lamifex right away and they’re a good way to keep himself busy, with their loud voices, talking over each other, always sort of disagreeing in a loving way.

If Eliott could draw them, they would all be some type of pack of wild puppies. These days he’s only been able to draw a raccoon and a hedgehog, nothing else.

Jo drags him to go paint something outside and everyone else follows, watching them closely. Lola and Maya are a little further away, clearly talking about something private, but Eliott doesn’t care. He’s happy they’re finally talking, but he doesn’t care enough to risk losing Lucas so he keeps his distance for now.

But suddenly, everyone goes quiet and Eliott frowns, looking over his shoulder only to be starstruck like the others. Lucas and the boys are there, walking upstairs like they’re some sort of a rock band. Eliott’s world starts moving so slowly, in high definition as he watches Lucas mess up his hair, finally finding Eliott close to the ground, crouching down to pain the wall in front of him.

Nobody else except for Lola knows Lucas and the boys and they don’t have the best experiences with each other, so Eliott quickly gets up, suddenly feeling so nervous, like this is his first time talking to Lucas.

“Hi...” Lucas says very carefully and to everyone, clearly not wanting to have to say hi privately to everyone, to Lola.

Everyone is still kind of looking around each other, blushing a little and Eliott can’t believe his boyfriend and all his friends are creating this shock with the Lamifex.

“This is Lucas...my boyfriend.” Eliott finally manages to recover himself enough to use his words to form a sentence, standing closer to Lucas, leaving an uncertain kiss on his lips.

“I thought you two were in an open relationship, because of Lo-” Sekou says with his usual matter-of-fact kind of way and Eliott panics, sees how Lucas clenches his jaw and just looks down, but thankfully Max changes the subject, giving Lucas and the boys all their names. They all move on from that phrase quickly and Eliott stands by Lucas’ side, hearing The Gang getting to know Lamifex.

Eliott wants to talk, to ask if Lucas is okay, why he left the house like that, but not in front of everyone. For right now, he’s just happy they’re in the same place for once.

Jo keeps staring at him and Lucas until she can’t help herself, stepping closer, stopping right in front of them “You guys are so cute! You look so good together...” 

Lucas is caught by surprise, frowning but he laughs shyly and Eliott smiles, feeling proud for some reason. 

“We brought some beer, if you guys want!” Yann says and the Lamifex is more than excited about it, pulling Yann - literally by his arm - to show where they can go to sit and drink for a little bit.

Lucas follows them and Eliott follows him, biting the inside of his lip to keep his words to himself.

The night goes well, still with a hint of awkwardness, but mostly is ignored. Lola ignores Lucas, Lucas ignores Lola and they all get along way too well even. Baz and Arthur try to learn with Jo how she dances and Lucas watches them, laughing and teasing his friends with Yann, close to Eliott, but not really acknologing him.

Eliott notices how a guy approaches them, sitting where Baz was, right next to Lucas, trying to create a conversation about the dance party happening in front of them. He and Lucas start talking excitedly about Lucas’ friends and their terrible dancing skills. Sekou joins them and Eliott reminds of what he said before. The guy is clearly interested in Lucas, not even trying to hide it and Sekou seems to know him.

“Hi...” Eliott cuts their conversation short, raising his arm in front of Lucas. Sekou’s friend is a little confused, looking at Sekou and back to Eliott, shaking his hand.

“Hi...?”

“I’m Eliott? Lucas’ boyfriend.” Eliott raises his eyebrows and nods his head towards Lucas like it’s not obvious they’re talking about him.

“Oh...Hm, I’m Leo.” He finally shakes Eliott’s hand, clearly uncomfortable for getting caught hitting on someone that’s in a relationship.

Jo suddenly grabs Lucas’ hand and he and Yann are gone to the dance floor with the others. Eliott watches and Sekou comes to sit in between him and Leo.

-

At some point, Eliott lost sight of Lucas and the boys. He bites his nails, drinking his beer slowly, it’s even getting warm and disgusting. Maya comes to join him and Eliott smiles at her, shoving his hand inside his pocket.

“Hey, you.” She bumps her arm against his and he laughs.

“Hi! How are you?” He raises his eyebrows and nods his head, Lola is nowhere to be seen.

“I’m good, having fun. Trying to keep Max and Jo alive. You?” Eliott smiles at her just because Maya doesn’t deserve to be in the receiving end of his annoyance, but he looks down, not really caring to completely hide his sudden bad mood.

“Good too! Kind of tired though...”

Maya hums and Eliott looks at her again, knowing that there’s a lot more inside her head than just a word. “It’s still early, but yeah, you’re always the first one to leave.”

She teases and Eliott sighs in defeat. She’s not wrong. Usually he always get the sudden need to be with Lucas and so he’s always the first one to rush back home.

“And Lola?” He asks and Maya holds his stare, nodding her head.

“Went on a walk with Max. Probably to smoke. A normal cigar.” Eliott bite the inside of his cheek and nods his head like Maya does.

“Better than weed, I guess.”

Maya shrugs, probably agreeing with him. It’s a long process, Lola is a lot better, but Maya probably thinks it would be best for her to stop smoking completely. She’s not wrong, again, but she understands this process is not a quick one so Lola needs more time and maybe to grow up a little more. Maya is a lot more extreme than Eliott is, a lot stronger too.

Their conversation is interrupted when Eliott finally finds Lucas again. Coming back inside with Yann and Arthur.

“I gotta go.” He says to Maya, but doesn’t bother to say a proper goodbye.

Eliott rushes to Lucas like he’s the air he needs, crashing into him with a quick kiss, not caring Lucas is caught by surprise.

“Can we go home?” He asks and Lucas looks around at the boys, like he doesn’t want to leave with Eliott, but his emotions - his care for Eliott or his feelings for him - are louder than his pride.

“Okay...”

Lucas says goodbye to Yann and Arthur and Eliott follows him. Yann hugs him a little tighter and longer than normal and Eliott feels a little ashamed, not meeting Yann’s eyes before leaving with Lucas.

They walk through the empty streets with a heavy, full of unsaid word silence between them. Eliott breaths in to gather some courage and he holds Lucas’ jacket by his elbow, making him stop and turn to look at him.

“I’m sorry...”

“Huh?”

“For what I did today...and with the movie.”

Lucas digests his quick explanation, opens his mouth and wets his lips with his tongue before explaining. “I was just talking to him...”

He shrugs and Eliott puts all his weight on his tiptoes, controlling his urge to touch Lucas.

“I know. I know and I was just...jealous.” Before the awkward silence becomes unbearable again, Eliott repeats the words that kept dancing around his head all night long. “I can’t lose you, Lucas.”

Lucas doesn’t answer, just looks down and Eliott sighs, coming closer, holding his face gently, but not asking for anything, just using Lucas’ presence to calm them both down a little bit.

When a second goes by, Eliott gently moves Lucas to look up at him. He’s so beautiful, even when he’s broken.

“I like you. I like us. I like being around you, hearing your crazy stories, watching you with your friends, seeing how much you care for them. I like your personality, how brave you are, how fearless and reckless you can be, how much love you want to give, I like that you’re adventurous, I like that you give people so many chances and sometimes you don’t give them not even two, sometimes you give all of yourself and sometimes you don’t even bother. I like who you are, all of it, how much you care...about me. I don’t just love you, you know? I don’t just love you because you’re with me. I just genuely love who you are.”

Lucas quivers under his touch as he exhales and whispers. “Stop...”

“You don’t even know. I could go on for days.” Eliott huffs and draws an invisible line with the tip of his nose along Lucas’.

“You don’t have to.” Lucas quietly shake his head. “But I told you how I wasn’t that perfect person you thought I was. You were warned since the beggining.” He teases like he always does when he’s trying to lighten the mood and keep himself from crying.  

“Lucas...” Eliott laughs, his eyes following his thumbs caressing Lucas’ cheeks. “I just told you: I like everything, all of it. You deserve all the love and I wanna be the person that gives it to you.” Eliott says like a confession, even though he thought Lucas already knew about all of this, it still feels a lot telling him with actual words. Eliott has to meet Lucas’ eyes to make sure he understands.

“Yeah, but you deserve better. And I’m sorry for being such a fucking asshole. I can’t stop myself sometimes.”

Eliott kisses him to stop Lucas from thinking so little of himself again, thinking he was the only one in the wrong, like he’s only made of bad bones when that’s so far from the truth. “I don’t want you to. I don’t want us to live our life holding back from each other anymore.”

Lucas nods his head, whispering. “We can try.”

“Yes, we can.”

Lucas looks down again, resting his forehead against Eliott’s chest and he lets him, kissing the top of his head.

“I like you too. So very much, you’ll never be able to fully understand.” Lucas confesses and Eliott smiles against his hair.

“Try me. Every day.”

Lucas puts his arms around Eliott and he can feel Lucas’ hands gabbring the back of his jacket so tightly.

[bangtancentricsblog]

the hunger for love and life

❒ pairing: jeon jungkook x demon!reader

❒ genre: fluff and angst

❒ alternative universe: supernatural, college

❒ rating: NC - 17

❒ word count: 1.1k

warnings/disclosures: implied sex at the beginning but no smut, demons Yoongi and Yoonji, half angel Hoseok, talks of hell, madness, starving demons 

a/n: this was supposed to be a typical good boy bad girl fic but somehow my brain was like ‘oh shit lets throw some demons in that bitch’ and now here we are lmao i might still do the the other fic haha so if the other one seems similar then thats why. also my brother helped me name this hehe

my AO3 | main masterlist

 “He’s here!” The girls chatter excitedly as the sleek black Ducati pulls into the parking space right beside last year's model of Nissan. The engine cuts off as the kick stand comes down the driver moves to stand hands reaching up to undo the clip of his helmet. The air is thick with anticipation as the growing crowds of eager college girls set aside their differences to watch the man before them. The helmet comes off before any of them can even blink, cheers pouring from ever which direction as Jungkook shakes out his hair. The long curls stiff from being confined beneath his helmet. 

He’s used to this type of behavior especially from girls on campus but he just wishes they didn’t make such a huge spectacle of it every time. To be honest he’s not quite sure where this idea of ‘big bad boy Jungkook’ came from; he's never done anything remotely bad in his life. At least none that any other normal consenting adult had, he doesn’t smoke unless it’s with his friends at a party, he drinks on occasion and he’s not a one night stand kinda guy, so he wonders where this idea came from. He can feel the beginning of a blush creep along his cheeks the longer he stands in the open with what feels like a million sets of eyes watching. 

“Kook!” You squeal rushing up to him, easily settling his nerves and throwing your arms around his neck. He smirks down at your hands finding their way to your hips as you lean up to kiss him. He sighs against your lips a nervous tick he’s developed throughout the years you’d been dating, but even now you still smile into the kiss. It’s easy to forget about the crowd when you’re around and maybe that’s because he’s only ever had eyes for you or it’s the hand that’s cupping his dick through his jeans. 

“Not here.” He almost whines because as much as he enjoys the feeling of your hand on his growing problem he’s not okay with an audience though he knows you are. 

“Okay.” You mumble, quick to pull away and take his hand instead. He likes the way your hand fits in his, always has probably always will. And much like a man in love he’s busy thinking about all the little things to notice the empty classroom he’s been pulled into. You're quick to shove him against the wall unbuttoning his pants and slipping your finger beneath the waistband of his boxers. Jungkook isn’t new to this in fact despite your angel-like features it’s you who’s prone to breaking rules and doing reckless things. But he supposed that's what he liked about you in the first place.

“Is this okay?” you ask wrapping your fingers around his dick making him gasp at how warm your hand is. 

“Y-yes.” he hisses as your teeth sink into the skin of his neck the pain is minimal, but one he likes a little too much. He can’t relish the feel of your lips for long as you drop to your knees in front of him with a grin that is a little too sweet compared to the dark look clouding your eyes. ‘*

“You’re starving yourself.” Yoonji says through gritted teeth. 

“Where’s Yoongi?” you ask pointedly ignoring the girl as she trails behind you. 

“___, please feed properly if you’re going to play with the human.” 

“I’m not playing, and I’m fine. Stop worrying so much.” you scoff eyes narrowing when you catch sight of Yoongi. Your nose burns at the stench that comes from the group of boys you’ve come to know as Jungkook’s friends. They’re nice enough you guess but boring nonetheless as far as humans go, super attractive but still boring. You wished humans nowadays were more interesting. Yoongi meets your stare before you can approach the group, slipping away from them and meeting you halfway. 

“What?” he drawls scowling at his twin sister who hisses at him. 

“I see you’re still hanging around angle half breeds.” you snicker. 

“Not this again princess.” he sighs.

“Don’t call me that.” 

“And I wouldn’t have to if you didn't act like a prissy princess of hell.”

“I’ll tell Belphie.” you threaten eyes ablaze. 

“The seventh prince has better things to do, are you feeling okay?” he asks, finally taking note of the way you’ve lost weight. 

“I’m fine.” 

“She’s starving herself because of that human.” Yoonji supplies. 

“You’re not feeding off Jungkook?” the confusion in his tone is evident. 

“It’s none of your business, besides we have more pressing matters. There are more demon half breeds starving on campus than I thought. The population is growing unsteadily and more demons are attacking humans from hunger at this rate there’ll be a war.” you say. 

“What do we do?” Yoongi asks, glancing over Yoonji’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know, I’ll have to go to hell if the situation worsens and I hate hell.” you mutter crossing your arms at your chest. 

“This is because you’re slacking off.” Yoonji scoffs as you and Yoongi turn your gaze to her. 

“What are you implying?” your ask through clenched teeth. 

“You’ve just come back from hell, and you’re no stronger than you were because you refuse to feed properly. Face it, war is inevitable.” She spits, and of the two Yoongi was the more outspoken one but she refused to keep her mouth shut. 

“And what would you have me do?” you whisper in a voice that shocks both of them. Truly of the eight royal children of hell you seemed to be the only one most if not all the demons wanted to become the next king. Yet here you stood starving and sounding like a scolded child who’s lost all fight. Nothing like the sole princess of hell and the raging bitch they knew you could be.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asks. 

“I can’t feed properly because I’ll kill him. You know what falling in love with a human does to demons. Eternal starvation or going feral at the loss of their mate.” Yoonji’s eyes widened significantly at your confession, because this entire time she thought this was just a fling. Just a passing fancy after all these years by your side she’d never expected you to fall in love with a human. Her fingers curl into her palms nails breaking the skin in an attempt to reign in her anger. She almost wants to laugh, oh the irony that you should fall into the same fate as your father. Falling in love with a human, except you’d apparently rather starve than go mad. She’d lose the only sister she’d ever had, and she wonders how your human would feel knowing that he would be your end. 

let me know what you think! like are appreciated but comments are a writers lifeblood thank you for reading as always I hope you all have an amazing morning/afternoon/night!

[mermaidmafia-official]

{Part III: A COLLAR OF SPIKES}

tagging @bebemoon​, @ayzrules​, @interluxetumbra​, @bubblingbeautifully

the aftermath of march 18th, or: aaargh

‘So, you just kidnapped a werewolf.’ ‘Oh, I’m sorry, did my saving your furry little butt interrupt your dying-in-a-cellar-while-the-whole-island-burns-down party?’ He stumbled, and the vampire grunted under his weight. It was dark, and the air smelled musty and damp. ‘Alright’, he managed, between gritted teeth, ‘Why?’ ‘Why what?’ ‘Did you help me?’ There was a pause. He could sense the faintest traces of human presence, of booze and cocaine. A century old, at least. ‘I didn’t like what they did to you’, she said. ‘And I make very bad decisions.’ ‘Obviously.’ He grimaced. The pain he could take - that dull, reassuring ache - but he hated feeling this dizzy and limp. Ruddy vampires. They shouldn’t have known about the wolfsbane - no one had known for centuries. The wolves had made sure of it, ever since - ‘I’ve had worse’, he said, and she scoffed like someone who had never been tortured for information on the Borgia family in a Milanese dungeon. ‘Even so, shouldn’t you be healing by now?’ ‘Your friends had a little too much fun with me.’ ‘Not my friends.’ There was a thudding noise and he was doused in a cloud of dust. Coughing, he reached for something to hold on to and found rough brick. He could feel the darkness reaching for him, and fought. She was tugging him into a room filled with ghosts of scents - oak, perfume, whisky, and sweat… If I die here, he’ll never find me… Then, the darkness claimed him.

///////////

The smoke cleared slowly, retreating from broken city walls and leaving the corpses exposed. Raf licked the coppery taste of blood from his lips, and felt the adrenalin slowly drain out of his body. A dull pain raged in him, and he realised a deep cut in his shoulder had almost cleft his arm from his torso. He waited for the sharp sensation of flesh knitting itself back together, and came up empty. A wave of nausea washed over him. I have to find the others. Ten paces, with the world spinning around him, and then he was on his knees. I don’t understand. Someone calling his name. Ferrando, with black hair and blood-stained features, suddenly next to him, cursing and slapping his face. Raf growled. ‘Wolfsbane’, Ferrando explained, his face grimy with dust, as he pulled him to his feet, ‘laced on their blades. The one poison that may affect a werewolf. It dulls the senses and stops the healing.’ ‘How did they know?’ Ferrando shook his head. ‘That I don’t know, my friend, but you may be assured that I will find out - as soon as we get you out of here. You’ll heal as soon as the poison wears off.’ Raf grimaced as they stumbled across the battlefield, the scents of scarred flesh, smoke, and blood loud in his nostrils. ‘Cesare?’, he asked. ‘Spanked Sforza’s arrogant little arse. We’ve earned him a resounding victory, old boy, and the Borgia Pope will have no choice but to throw us one of his feasts!’ Raf grinned. That was good news indeed.

/////////////

Well, thought Nessa, watching a pale, amber-coloured whisky swirl around in her glass, as far as insanely stupid ideas are concerned, this one has to be my fucking masterpiece. I should get a trophy. She looked across the room to where the huge werewolf was curled up on one of the deep, plush sofas. In their best times, these sofas had easily carried six flappers and a dandy - now, the biggest one ached under just one wolf. She had draped one of the curtains from the Really Private Booths over him, feeling a little foolish. Did werewolves even feel cold? Nessa sipped her hundred-year-old whisky knowing it would do absolutely fuck-all, and remembered the sound of bones breaking, that night on the ice. He had healed in less than a minute then - so why not now? Well, if he dies on me, at least no one will ever know, and not just because I know how to dump a body. Her thoughts turned towards the coven. Had they all got out? If anyone took care of their own, it was certainly the Bloodmother… but there had been so much chaos. And all because one sleazy, pompous old fart without even one shred of substance or style - well- plenty substance, just not where it counted. Nessa knew a gang war when she saw one, and this one had just escalated. A sound interrupted her thoughts, and when she turned, the wolf was looking at her. ‘You’re still here’, he said, taking in the plush furniture, the old-fashioned chandelier, the curved ceiling, the bar. Nessa found herself wondering if he liked the place. ‘Don’t flatter yourself. It’s daylight out, which means I’m stuck here.’ He stared, annoyingly handsome even when dishevelled. Or especially then. Focus, Nessa. ‘Either you’re incredibly cocky’ he said slowly, ‘or you have the survival instincts of a dodo.’ Nessa huffed. ‘What do you know about dodos?’ His shrug turned into a wince. ‘Met them. Madagascar, 1694. They’re pretty dumb.’ ‘Well, I’m not… a dodo.’ How the fuck did we get here? ‘I’m just counting on your sense of fair play. And don’t tell me you don’t have one, I saw you race.’ He relented. ‘Won’t your coven miss you?’ Given they survived that mess. She shrugged. ‘Probably. They might just think I got lost, which isn’t that far from the truth - happens surprisingly often-’ ‘You don’t say.’ ‘-once, I landed in the middle of a rave in St Petersburg…’ Nessa squinted at him. Haha, funny werewolf. She was this close to poking her tongue at him. ‘Anyway, they’ll expect nothing less.’ Let’s hope that’s true. He leaned back on the sofa and crossed his arms. If he was still groggy, he didn’t show it. ‘So- what is this place?’ Nessa swivelled around on her barstool, trying to hide a fond pride under assumed casualness. ‘Used to be a speakeasy.’ He nodded, annoyingly unsurprised. ‘Run it yourself?’ ‘Oh you know, it was all the rage back then, every girl wanted one.’ ‘How come it looks like a time capsule?’ ‘You remember that crashing sound when we came through the door?’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘That was a wall.’ ‘Ah.’ ‘This used to be a railway tunnel, in the 1880s. I guess they just bricked it back up…I haven’t really been here since the fifties, but you should’ve seen the place in its heyday.’ He nodded. ‘Smells like it.’ Now he was just showing off. ‘No way you can smell that.’ Ah - wolfish smile. And a spark of mischief? Or the thrill of the chase? ‘Self-made moonshine, from the back. The very stuff you’re drinking right now, although I can’t say why… A smuggling tunnel to the harbour. Dancing and a band. Cocaine, quite a lot. And jazz.’ ‘Oh come on, even you can’t smell music!’ He grinned. ‘No, but the odds of guessing that one wrong were slim.’ ‘Granted.’ She leaned back on the bar. ‘By the way, do you want some? There’s nothing to eat down here and we’re all out of shirts, but if you’re thirsty, I got you covered.’ The wolf shook his head, apparently done with smalltalk. He got up slowly, grimaced, and started pacing to and fro. She didn’t object. ‘You go by Pixie, right?’ ‘With my human friends, mostly, but yeah. You can also call me Nessa.’ He tilted his head. ‘Since when do vampires have human friends?’ She crossed her arms. ‘Look here, wolf boy, I’d like to see your primary food source course through the veins of something that won’t shut up about cars and the economy and… fucking Game of Thrones. Of course, I would never drink Ian.’ ‘What the hell is an Ian?’ ‘Oh, he finds my food for me. You’d be surprised how many weirdos out there want to see their own blood in a wine glass. I think it’s a goth thing.’ Wolf boy looked confused. Luckily, she was used to getting that reaction from people. ‘Anyway, what do I call you?’, she asked, politely steering the conversation into more stranger-friendly territory. ‘Raf.’ There was a pause. ‘Oh, that’s it? That’s not your whole name, is it?’ ‘It’s enough.’ Only for Nessa, it wasn’t. ‘What’s it short for?’, she asked, and then, drawing a blank on names in general, suggested the only thing she could think of: ‘Rafaello?’ He stared at her, and said ‘no’ in that deadpan voice people sometimes assumed when dealing with her. She didn’t mind. Already, she was filing him away as Rafaello in her memory, even though he seemed to have little in common with a small, coconut-flavoured sweet. She took in his broad, bare shoulders, the movement written into every sinew and fibre of his body, and the keen green eyes that kept her in view. ‘You don’t seem the zealous type’, she concluded, finally. ‘I thought you werewolves were all about the blood war.’ He shrugged. Bruises shone in the half-light. ‘I’m a mercenary. Always have been.’ ‘Even in your first life?’ ‘Especially then.’ It wasn’t a joke or a brag, just a statement. Perhaps it was that this old speakeasy, with all its memories and the century-old shadows of party-goers, awakened her nostalgia, but Nessa felt something click into place. ‘Ah’ she said, with a little smile. ‘I always did have a soft spot for the stupid boys.’ Raf’s face darkened a little. ‘First off, I’m 550 years old, and second- you know nothing about me.’ She looked into her empty whisky glass. ‘True’, she agreed, ‘but you do kind of remind me of the ones I did know. Rakish and reckless, the lot of them.’ Cocky, and brave. ‘Nothing to lose and nowhere to go, and rage deep in their bones. Not like yours, of course, not the kind that comes out at full moon. It just… went into knuckle rings and switchblades and tommy guns.’ Rakish, and reckless, and needlessly dead before their time. ‘They wanted to run with the wolves, too - metaphorical ones, these ones, street gangs and rum runners and mobsters.’ She paused. ‘They tended to die badly.’ He stared and paced and said nothing. ‘And I know what you’re thinking, wolf, but I had nothing to do with that’ she went on. ‘I could never stand to watch all that spark- all that life- go to waste.’ She gestured vaguely at the empty space, which seemed for a moment to be filled with the spectres of long-dead dancers, and felt sad. ‘Even tried to turn some of them, back in the 1940s, when that seemed a very romantic thing to do. So much pain when they died, torn to shreds on the battlefields of France. Never tried it again, after that.’ In the ensuing silence, the dancers slowly faded back into darkness, and with it the faces of those young men that had come and gone for over a century. The wolf looked away when he said, ‘You still don’t know me.’ Her gaze wandered gently over his furrowed brows, the tired, yet defiant look in his eyes, the half-heeled cuts on his torso, and the hand clenching restlessly. ‘If you say so, Raffaello’, she said, with a shrug. And then he looked back at her, with just a flicker of a smile. She grinned. ‘Do you want that drink now?’

.

[taehyungsgrowl]

Friends Don’t Kiss III - Jim Mason x Male!Reader

A/N: Hey y’all. I do wanna start by apologizing for taking so long for this chapter. I stopped writing it for this series for a bit because I wasn’t sure if you guys were enjoying it. But when I got some feedback and wanted to start writing I went on vacation + got really sick so here we are. So thanks to those who continued to hold me accountable for putting out part three.

Also it feels really satisfying to have this chapter out after trying to finish it since APRIL. So please don’t let this flop - Jim and his non-boyfriend boyfriend need the support because ANGST and problematic fathers continue in Part 4. 

Summary: Jim and Y/N continue discovering themselves

Warnings: angst, smut (finally, right? I’m a sucker for a slow burn) probably other stuff like internalized homophobia, problematic parents. 

Word Count: 3k (longest part to make up for the fact that i took so long?)

Cold, sterile air filled Y/N’s senses. The harsh fluorescent lights only added to his anxiety. He felt the most ill when stepping into a hospital. Nothing could pull his eyes off the sleeping boy; he watched as Jim’s chest rose and fell softly.

“You can get some rest, you know?” Medina asked from the doorframe. “Doctor said he’ll be up soon.” She didn’t step into the room, only lingered. Y/N always liked her. She was the type to call things like they were and never bend to anyone. He wished he were more like her.

“I’m okay,” he lied; he was far from okay and had been for a while now. Y/N couldn’t afford the luxury of worrying for himself - not when Jim was hospitalized. Because of him.

Beep, beep, beep

He thought the constant beeping of the monitor was taunting him. With each second that Jim didn’t wake up, the monitor would continue to drill into his head.

***

It began with the tips of his fingers and slowly spread throughout his body and mind; sobriety. Jim’s fingertips twitched, grasping at the thermal blanket. Is he waking up? He could begin to recognize the sounds around him. ‘I’ll go get my parents’. Medina.

Beep, beep, beep.

Even through groggy, medicated thoughts, the stiffness in the air and monitor beeping gave it away. Jim knew exactly where he was. Even if he couldn’t remember how he got there.

He squinted at the ceiling as the jarring light shone too brightly. He tried to get up and pull at his IV.

“Jim,” a cracked voice called to him. Y/N began standing up from the generic hospital chair, dark circles adorning beneath his eyes, “Stop! The doctor will be here soon,” he took a step towards the bed.

“Get the fuck out.. get out,” Jim rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand like if he were trying to erase the image in Y/N being there. It would hurt less. “I don’t wanna see you. Leave!” he started raising his voice.

“Jim, calm down. Please.” Y/N began to worry for his health in an agitated state. He raised his arms in a truce, “I’ll leave. Just.” he breathed out, heavily, “I was worried for you,”

“Bullshit!” tears started falling down Jim’s cheeks. He hadn’t even me conscious for ten minutes and he already wished he was under again. To be completely numb.

“I’ll let Medina know you’re up,” he hung his head low in shame. Even when all he wanted was to pick up the broken pieces he left, he couldn’t do it. Not now. He stalked to the door with one final look at Jim.

Jim looked out the window, unable to watch as his best friend walked away. He focused on the birds flying high in the sky, wishing he were them. To be free from the chains.

“Jim,” his head snapped towards the door.

Medina was hasty in her entrance. She had been here before. They all had. Nothing upset her more than seeing Jim like this. Perhaps their mother, doctors, or even Jim could believe he did this for a quick high. But she knew all the pain he was clawing through.

He could see it - hell, he could feel it. Feel the dread she carried into the room. “I want to leave.” he turned his attention back to the window.

“What happened Jim?” she had the courtesy of shutting the door behind her.

“Nothing.” his chest strained against the itchy linen of the hospital gown. “Just being stupid. You know this.”

“You know that’s not what I’m asking.” Medina walked over to bedside. Her hand hovered above his head, afraid on intertwining her fingers through his brown locks.

“Why was he here?” his voice sounded like glass breaking; a million words unsaid in the cracking of his voice.

Jim was too tired for a real answer. Answers he knew he didn’t want to hear - not now. All he wanted was to forget it.

Not just that night. If only he could forget the months spent in secrecy; the hidden brushing of hands and the stolen glances.

If only he could forget him.

***

Y/N had been sitting in his car for over an hour. He couldn’t make himself drive away - he didn’t know what to do or who he was.

He was guilty that much he was sure of. He carried the weight of Jim on his shoulders. The pressure of keeping him here. The insistence of the love he felt for him.

Love.

Y/N couldn’t admit, even to himself, that what he felt for Jim was love until something like this happened. He couldn’t have his silence - his fear, risk Jim again.

He risked a lot himself by admitting these feelings to himself. He could hear the gravelly voice of his father beating on the walls of his brain.

Rain began to pour down and he lost himself in the pitter patter of the droplets hitting the window. He wanted the rain to wash away the pain of yesterday.

Y/N rarely cried. If fact, most people wouldn’t be w me to imagine him crying in a million years. He put up a good front. Maybe so well that the mask he put on for the word was becoming a who he was.

But when the rain slowed and behind the clouds, a rainbow appeared he began to cry. He wasn’t aware that the bright colored arc in the sky had that impact on him until he felt warm tears stream down his eyes.

His secret, his shame, had almost cost Jim his life. Not once, but twice. He couldn’t bare it any longer. Like a sign from a high power or the universe or whatever it was, Y/N was ready.

You can never be ready for the unknown. He knew how life ran with his mask --but the unknown of how it would proceed once it came off scared him almost as much as the thought of losing his best friend.

Almost.

He fought hard against the knot in his throat and used the back of his hand to clear his face. The rain outside and tears in his eyes made him feel cleansed.

He wanted to let go.

***

Accusations and bickering back and forth was all that Jim heard on the drive home. He stared out the moving car, wishing he were anywhere else. 

Hell, the hospital room felt more like a home than this. 

Once home, his mother’s five foot frame looked up at him with a scold in her eye, She began questioning everything.

“Don’t you love me, Jimmy?” 

“How could you do this to me?”

“What am I supposed to do if something happens to you? You know your asshole father -”

His head began ringing and spinning. He knew no matter what he answered it wasn’t going to be what she was looking for. 

“Fuck!” he threw his head back, “I don’t wanna fucking--” 

“James. You do not speak to me that way, young man.”

“I. Don’t. Care.” the smallest amount of pressure left as the words passed his lip. He didn’t care. 

Not now.

“I don’t want to hear it, mom. It’s been a long fucking day and I want to go to bed.”

Sandy stood there with tears prickling her eyes as her son stormed off. Her once small boy now in the body of a lanky young man. She held on to being needed by her son. She survived off of the codependence. 

Jim locked himself in his bathroom. He felt his own heavy gaze start back at him in the reflection. Tired, purple circles lined his eyes, his lips were cracked, skin sallow; he felt almost as bad as he looked. 

He stepped into the shower allowing the hot water to burn his skin. “Fuck,” he groaned as the pulse hit his sore everything. His entire body ached. 

But the physical pain he felt was numb compared to what he was feeling in his heart. He’d told Y/N to leave - which to his defense, Jim thought was what he should do. 

Jim always bent his will to what others wanted. Beginning with his mother. 

If he wanted loved me like I thought he did - like I love him; he’d show it. He thought with his eyes clenched shut. 

Jim couldn’t be played with. Not again. 

He’d barely recovered from the injuries he’s gotten at the party before hurt himself from passing out. 

They say love makes you do stupid things, but Jim couldn’t justify his reckless behavior. 

He’d never admit that is was in short, an impulsive cry for Y/N’s attention. A fatal one, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t glad it worked. 

He cleaned up and laid in bed. It was going to be a restless night again. One with too many thoughts and unanswered questions. 

The pillow cushioned his head softly as he hit the bed. No hospital cot could compare to the embrace his own bed held.

Three small taps to the door made him groan in frustration. Sure he hated his dad right now, but at least his father didn’t breath down his neck like his mother. 

“Not now, mom.” he covered his head with the pillow. 

The door knob rattled as they tried to open the door, “Shut up,” Medina whisper screamed to him, “Or you’ll wake her up. Just open the door.”

Annoyed, he went to answer the door. “What the f-” he was stopped cold seeing Medina was not alone. 

Y/N stood there, standing tall over his sisters short frame. He wore the look of an apology on his face. Like if he were silently pleading to be heard out. 

Medina put her hands up in a defensive position, “He came on his own.” she answered her twins unspoken question. 

“Jim,” Y/N couldn’t recognize his own voice speaking. “Can we talk, please.” he didn’t let his eyes leave Jim’s. 

Medina starts backing away slowly, leaving both boys to figure it out. 

“Give me five minutes.” Y/N presses on when Jim fails to give him an answer. 

“Five minutes,” Jim repeated, his jaw set. 

Y/N followed Jim back in the room and shut the door. The tension was heavy in the room; thick enough to slice. Jim stood with his feet firm on the ground and arms crossed over his chest. It seemed as if he could protect his heart with his body language. 

“I was really scared, Jim. I thought we -- I.. I thought I lost you.” Y/N didn’t know what to do with his hands as they awkwardly tugged at the bottom of his shirt.

“Oh, yeah. I’m sure you were so worried.” he laughed humorlessly, rolling his eyes. “I’m tired of the mind games, Y/N.”

“You’re my best friend, Jim. Of course I worried.” Y/N continued. He knew Jim would be on the defense, but he was struggling to find the words to make his point. All he could do was tell Jim he cared. 

“But friends don’t kiss, right Y/N?” Jim spat out, “Get the fuck out of here, man.”

“Would you just listen to me?” Y/N was exasperated. “I fucking care about you, Jim. More than a friend.” the words burned his tongue like a hot sin as they left his mouth. 

“Well then fucking prove it,” Jim shouted back and shoved against the other boys chest, causing Y/N to stumble back. He was done with the mixed signals and hushing of the fondness they shared. 

Y/N shoved Jim back harder, making the blue eyed surfer press into the wall. “You want me to prove it?” Jim felt a shiver run down his spine as Y/N’s both breath fanned over his face.

The words were caught in Jim’s throat. Caught by surprise, he didn’t expect this reaction from Y/N. 

Jim shook his head silently, “You won’t” he gulped, “You’re too fucking scared.”

His eyes danced back and forth between Y/N’s lips and his pretty blown wide eyes. 

Y/N grabbed Jim’s chin between his index finger and thumb, pulling his face up only to crash his lips harshly to his. 

The kiss was nothing like the slow, hazy, tentative kisses they shared in secret. This kiss was heated and angry and sad. Y/N had the desperation to make Jim know he was ready.

He was ready to give Jim what he wanted.

Jim gasped into the kiss which only led to Y/N’s hungry teeth to sink into Jim’s plump bottom lip. His tongue slipped past the entrance of his mouth as he pushed Jim further into the wall. 

Y/N pressed himself into Jim. All of him. His jeans rubbed into Jim’s sweatpants. His blood rushed down to his growing member as his lips assaulted Jim. 

When he heard a raspy whimper escape between Jim’s smashed lips, he pulled away from the kiss. 

Jim was flushed pink in his cheeks, trying to catch his breath. His tongue could taste the trace of Y/N on it. 

He knew this kiss was different. Y/N was different. The wild look in his eyes replaced the guarded look he often carried. 

“You act like you haven’t kissed me behind closed doors before.” Jim tested Y/N. He found his hand gravitating towards the other boys hardening cock. “Try something else.” He was almost sure Y/N would pull away. Pull away like he always did when things got too real. 

Y/N caught Jim’s wrist before he could touch him. A smirk grew on Jim’s face as he thought his point was being proven right.

But Y/N wasn’t playing this time. He was all in.

He took Jim’s wrist and pinned it above his head on the wall. “You want me to fuck you?” he pinned Jim’s hip to the wall with his own. 

“I’m not looking for you to fuck me out of pity because I took some pills and -”

He was shut up by another hard kiss. "I’m doing this because I want to. Because I want you.” he mumbled. 

Y/N took Jim’s hips and spun him to face the wall, “You’re not pretending?” Jim’s voice was small. It was the first time that evening he allowed his walls to crumble for Y/N yet again. 

“No.” he let his nose trace over the back of Jim’s neck. He pressed his crotch on Jim’s ass, “Does this feel like I’m pretending, baby.” the pet name was so foreign; he didn’t know what made him say it. 

But it made Jim blush further

“H-have you ever --”

“Shh,” Y/N hushed him. “I’m ready if you are.”

Jim turned back around and kissed his best friend. 

“I already told you; prove it.”

Y/N reached for Jim’s waistband, pulling down his sweatpants and underwear to reveal his own hardening cock. This was Y/N’s first time being to intimate with a cock that wasn’t his own. He took mental photos of each curve and vein of Jim’s lengthy shape. 

His hand wrapped around the base, watching Jim for any cue he could offer. 

Y/N began to jerk Jim as if it were his own. He felt Jim pulse in his hand as he pumped him more and more. 

Jim’s jaw was slack and a quiet moan left him.

Both boy stumbled away from the wall as their hands roamed and explored each other. Y/N crashed on to the and immediately, Jim began to rid him of his pants. 

Jim’s mouth watered at the sight of a naked Y/N. Without warning, he lowered his head on to Y/N’s cock and covered him in his saliva. 

“It’s so big..” Jim traced the head with his tongue. 

He wrapped his lips around his cock and began sucking him. He hallowed his cheeks and watched as the blood drained from Y/N’s face. 

“J-Jim..” he moaned gripping on to the bedsheet. “Jim,” he pulled Jim’s hair to get him to detach himself from his cock.

“I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop,” he voice was strained because god he wanted Jim to keep going. But he didn’t want to cum yet. Not when he hadn’t even been inside him. 

Heat rushed to Jim’s face (and his veiny cock). He quickly, and clumsily, climbed over Y/N. He nestled on his thighs, relishing in the feeling of their naked bodies pressed together. 

His cock brushed against Y/N’s making them both antsier. 

“D-do you have.. lube or..” Y/N was breathing heavy as he let the sentence hang.

Jim let out the first genuine laugh is days, “Y/N.. I.. who would I be using lube with? You’re the only person I..”he lets the laughter take over and collapses on to his chest, and rests his forehead against Y/Ns.

Jim’s laughter is contagious and soon enough he is joined by Y/N. 

“I guess you’re right.” he chuckled again pushing Jim’s hair back. “So much for our first time.” he bit his lip. The use of the word “our” made it seem real to him. 

They stayed like that for a while. Simply feeling the presence of each other with no rush. 

“You really meant what you said?” Jim asked quietly, after a moment of silence. “Because, I don’t think I can get my hopes again.. only to be hurt, Y/N.”

“I’m so sorry, Jim.” he kissed Jim’s forehead. “I mean it. I’m ready. I scared as hell, but I’m ready.” as he spoke the words, his fathers face entered his mind. 

Jim yawned, but didn’t move an inch off of Y/N.

“Will you stay with me? Just for tonight?” 

“Of course,” Y/N replied, feeling his eyelids grow heavy. 

Jim rolled off of him and slipped his boxers back on, tossing Y/N his pair. Both men, laid in Jim’s bed, facing the ceiling.

Jim was afraid to cuddle up to Y/N. Afraid of doing the wrong thing. His pinky finger gently nudged Y/N’s hand. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” Jim whispered.

“Me too.” Y/N replied quietly.

--

thank you so much! for reading! and waiting on this part!

because the first two parts (part one // part two) were pretty heavy on the angst, i decided to wrap this one up on a softer note -- but keep in mind, there is more in store for these two and y/n’s dad isn’t going to be too happy. yee. 

tagging: @1-800-bitchcraft @avesatanormalpeoplescareme @mega-combusken

@lathraios @emmyrosee @ritualmichael @cryptid-coalition @starwlkers @langdonsoceaneyes @langdonsinferno @lvngdvns @wroteclassicaly @divinelangdon @langdvnshepherd @satcnas  @missantichrist @sammythankyou @lovelylangdonx @wickedlangdon @ticklish-leafy-plant @wvntersldr @michael-langdon-appreciation @rocketgirl2410 @coollangdon @venusxxlangdon @livocc @maso-xchrist @viridarium-girl @langdonsdemon @langdonswhoreprobably @desertsunflower00 @langdonshell @freak-war-hour @flowersiren @ladynuwanda @cam-elija @queencocoakimmie @codyswhore @hecohansen31 @peachesandfern @littledemondani @littlepsychos-world @plsfuckmelangdon @hplotrfan @devil-on-acid @ivegotaworldofchances @cocosfern @moltenskeleton 

[simone-garnett]

word count: 2.2k pairing: josiepea

It is when she is surrounded by people that Josie feels most alone.

She didn’t think it would be like this, she had gone to this pool party with the intention of leaving the morose feelings behind. It had been the perfect plan, surrounding herself with all her friends, hoping that one of them would notice her more subdued attitude and ask if anything is wrong, that one of them would notice her smile doesn’t reach her eyes, that her words are more sharp, that they have a bite they had previously lacked.

Josie had hoped that the people - her friends - would notice. They don’t. Cheryl is wrapped around Toni, the girl flouncing off after Josie had brushed away her concern with a fake smile and a wave of her hand. There are others around, but Reggie wasn’t the type of person she would bare her soul to - he hadn’t been when they were dating and he certainly wasn’t after they’d broken up. Just another incident to make her feel more alone.

Josie stops at the end of the pool, scanning the crowd. But it was a sea of unfamiliar faces, people she spoke to, but no one she knew. And then there was Kevin. But she didn’t feel like unloading all her conflicting feelings to him, not when they surrounded his father and her mother and the mess that had arisen, a family formed with the broken shards of two marriages, with sharp edges and cutting corners. 

There is a sharp pang inside her, a longing for Valerie and Melody. The longing had never disappeared, not fully, but the intensity is normally manageable, normally drowned out with persistence - but now it had returned with a vengeance, clawing at her heart, the monster sinking its talons into her and her heart bore the painful consequences. They had all known each other for so long, the pair would immediately the effect the cheating would have on her, know just how messed up the relationship that emerged from the ashes of the McCoy marriage would leave her. And just how she knew they would know how it would all leave her, she knew they would know how to help her feel less isolated in the world, they would know what to say and sing and to hug her and never let go.

But there was no Josie and the Pussycats, just Josie. 

There was no close-knit friendship, just dreams and feelings of betrayal.

She had wanted her independence musically - she had never thought the price of it would mean her independence in life too.

Josie contemplates leaving, unsure the atmosphere would help lift her spirits, so certain her presence wouldn’t be missed. But then Kevin looks up from his book and meets her gaze, the boy smiling brightly at the sight of her. It has her heart lifting, but he looks away and that rising heart loses its momentum. Half an hour, she decides. Half an hour and she’ll claim that she has a headache. And she’ll be able to leave.

After some deliberation she settles at the edge of the pool, distracted by the ripples formed when she kicks her legs back and forth, the sight soothing her. 

But she may be just a little too distracted, because she doesn’t notice the other person until he is right beside her, far too close. She swings her head in his direction, ready to talk to Kevin or Reggie or whoever had decided to join her.

But it is neither of those guys.

It’s Sweet Pea.

It’s a Serpent.

It’s... it’s intriguing. Her interactions with them were limited, Toni and occasionally Jughead the extent of her communications with them. But here was one, approaching her, sitting beside her, grinning down at her while he slipped his feet into the water as well.

“What do you want?” She doesn’t mean for it to come out as suspicious as it does, but they had never shared a conversation, a word, the same space. And so she felt justified.

“Thought you might want company.” He says it nonchalantly, as though it were a commonplace thing for him to do. He tilts his head, a scrutinising expression on his face before it is replaced with a smile and a wink. “Someone to turn that frown upside down.” It’s such a stupid thing to say she finds it working. 

“And you decided you were best equip for that?” There is still the scepticism in her voice, but she can’t deny there is amusement laced in her words. “You?” And she finds herself having to fight a grin.

He shrugs his shoulders at her, smiling all the while. “Admit it Josie, you can’t think of anyone better.”

She rolls her eyes at him. “Please, I think I have better taste than that.” But she’s already stopped fighting her smile, her lips curling upward.

He scoffs at her words. “That’s rich coming from you. You dated that Bulldog, or did you already forget?” He nods, almost solemnly if not for the twinkle in his eyes. “I don’t blame you. Must’ve been horrible.”

She huffs out a breath sharply, unsure whether she should feel offended on Reggie’s behalf or whether she should laugh. Because, oh how she wanted to. And the smile on Sweet Pea’s face looks like one of victory, the chuckle that leaves him a declaration of it. So Josie tries to bite back her own smile, failing miserably. “He wasn’t that bad.”

“Yeah,” he scoffs, leaning back. “I’m sure he wasn’t.” And she is hyper aware of his movements, of just how close his hand was to her ass, of how nice his arms looked in the sleeveless flannel, of how carefree he looks tilting his face to the sun and smiling as he rested his weight back on his arms.

Josie mimics him, her arms spread across less of a distance than his, and she feels her arm brush against his. She doesn’t care. It’s nice and, for the first time this afternoon, she finds herself enjoying the pool party, enjoying the scorching heat. Enjoying the company. Her eyelids flutter closed and she breathes deeply, steadily. She isn’t sure how long passes, seconds or minutes or hours, Josie more relaxed now than before.

She turns her head in his direction and cracks her eyes open, only mildly surprised to find Sweet Pea’s attention on her, a lazy grin on his lips as he watches her. “What?” It isn’t quite so antagonistic as before, it feels very much like the opposite.

He leans in to her, the small distance between them shortening as she refuses to back away.

And it surprises her.

It excites her.

She feels alive.

She feels free, from her thoughts, from her family, from the mess that was waiting for her at home.

But more importantly, in that moment, she didn’t feel so alone.

She wants more.

He leans in closer, voice a whisper. “I may have had other motives to joining you.”

“Oh.” It has her heart picking up speed. “Did you really?” There is a seductive tint colouring her words, her gaze languidly flicking down and up his torso, a satisfied look in her eye as she meets his gaze. There is a look there that wasn’t before. She likes it. She wants it.

“Yep.” His voice is pitched low, and he shuffles closer. Josie can feel the warmth radiating from him, can feel the brush of his flannel against her bare arm. It excites her. “It involved us being a lot closer than this.” A lock of hair falls forward and she finds herself mesmerised momentarily by the movement. A sly grin crosses her lips and she leans in his direction.

“Well,” she teases. “What are you planning to do about it?” It is only when his gaze drops to her lips that she realises just how close their faces are, just how easily he could cross those scant few centimetres and kiss her. The thoughts leave her mouth dry in response, and she licks her lips subconsciously. She catches how his jaw tenses, just fractionally, catches how his adam’s apple bobs before a relaxed smile spreads across his lips.

“It isn’t wise to tease a Serpent.” His voice is gravelly, much more rough than it was before. It sends a thrill down her spine.

“Oh. And why is that?” There is a smile in her voice, on her lips, in her eyes. She’s radiant and he isn’t sure if she’s aware of it or not. It had drawn him in before and now, too close and too brave, he was now in no position to escape.

“You don’t want to know.”

It’s a challenge. “I think I do, tough guy.” She punctuates each word with dazzling smile on her lips and a poke of his chest, Sweet Pea catching her hand on the last one. It would just take a light tug to have her against him, her body, her mouth. 

She wishes he would do it.

“Don’t.” Nothing in his voice indicates he wants her to stop, especially the way his grip on her hand slips to her wrist, Sweet Pea brushing circles on the inside of her palm, calloused digits sending sparks through her.

And she’s feeling wild and reckless, she must be, because she leans closer, centimetres becoming millimetres. Their noses brush against each other. “Why? Scared of an audience? Because I’m n-” She doesn’t finish the rest of her sentence, she can’t. Her lips are otherwise occupied. It isn’t the smoothest kiss, the positioning of their bodies awkward, and she kinda hated that she had to lean on one hand to maintain her balance, not when she wanted to feel more of him, to be closer. But there were sparks, the kiss sending electricity thrumming through her veins, heat pulsing through her. Especially when Sweet Pea deepened the kiss, his hand letting go of her own to cup the side of her face, holding her close as he licked the seam of her lips, seeking more. She gave it to him willingly. He tries to brush her curls back  behind her ear but they slip out. He tangles his fingers between them instead, tilting her head higher as he angled his head, separating only briefly for a breath before kissing her again.

She hadn’t felt so alive in a long time.

When they finally separate Josie finds her eyelids heavy and heart pounding. Sweet Pea is breathing heavy, eyes dark. And he is watching her intently. She thinks he is going to say something.

She finds herself waiting in breathless anticipation.

The moment is broken with a splash of water landing on them. The culprit was a shirtless Fangs grinning wildly at them as he splashed them again. “Fangs,” Sweet Pea hissed. “Blood oath or not - I will kill you.”

The man in question doesn’t look in fear of his life, his head on the side as he continues to grin idiotically at them. “Means you’d have to catch me first.” He raises his eyebrows, a challenge clearly set before Sweet Pea.

“Oh that’s it.” It is muttered softly under his breath, Sweet Pea already stripping his shirt off. Josie had no objections whatsoever. He slips easily into the water, Fangs unable to stop laughing, even as he tries to swim away from retaliation.

And Sweet Pea manages to take one step forward, aggressive in his movement, before stopping and turning to Josie. “Hey.” She looks down at him, Sweet Pea moving between her legs and pulling her face down. She goes along with it easily, kissing him back. The angle is much better, she thinks, Josie now able to hold him, to run her fingers through his hair. He tastes of chlorine and warmth and she finds herself lost in him, her legs wrapping around his waist. She feels as though she is floating in the water and not sitting on the solid concrete beneath her. It makes her feel light and carefree and wonderful and she finds herself craving more of it. It is Josie who deepens the kiss this time, mouth open as she tilts his head, the heels of her feet nudging him closer. There is a rumble in his chest at her actions and she loves it, wants to hear it, wants to feel it.

And then they are splashed. Again.

By Fangs.

Again.

They break apart, but they don’t pull away, not yet, Josie trying to catch her breath, her hands cupping his face, holding him to her as she tried to steady her heart. He steals a quick peck on the lips, the lightest of touches. It has her reaching to kiss him again.

The next splash draws out a growl from Sweet Pea, the boy abandoning her to swim after Fangs, the pair racing around the pool. She follows the fight, Sweet Pea with his long arms and strong legs catching up to Fangs eventually, dunking him under the water and holding him down. There is a wild flurry of activity, Fangs splashing everyone in his attempts to get away, Sweet Pea laughing as his friend pleaded for mercy under the water.

Josie lifts a finger to her lips, lightly touching the still burning skin.

Sweet Pea,

           Sweet Pea she’d enjoy learning more about.

[angclicals-blog]

⟨  𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  / /    ROCKFORD, ROMAN.   ⟩

what’s up my dudes & dudettes ! it’s admin fox back again with her second character, roman ! he’s also known as rusty --- call him crusty to his face, i’ll pay you. he’s uh ... an older muse of mine that has been remade & remade several times but y’know, somehow he ends up as the same mess. all of his crap is under the cut, and if you’d like to plot pretty please message me or give this a like !

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ matthew daddario + cismale + he/him — have you seen roman ‘rusty’ rockford? they sure have been hanging out at the snake eyes casino a lot recently. they are a thirty year old known as the cataclysmic. they currently work for the cobras as a fighter, which they’ve been doing for three years. a bisexual scorpio, they are friendly + spontaneous, as well as reckless + hot-headed. combat boots over dark jeans. nose bleeds. red hockey jersey.

⟨  𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  / /    early life.   ⟩

rusty was born in minnesota, in a small town just outside of minneapolis. he came from a middle class family, with one younger brother and parents who worked very hard to maintain their lifestyle. as it turns out, they worked a little too hard, and neglected both of their kids to the care of nannies and other relatives most of the time. 

as roman grew older, despite the love his grandparents tried to provide, he couldn’t help but feel utterly unlovable. the nannies were there for the money, and his grandparents were too old to properly care for roman and his brother cain, leaving the two boys to fend for themselves--- it generated a lot of resentment in him, and it turned into a bubble of rage that a kid his age had no way of controlling. 

because of in internal demons, rusty was quite the problem child; he’d disrupt class, get into constant fights with other kids, disrespect the school staff; when he was on the brink of being expelled, the principal of his school recommended his parents to put him in some kind of sport; something a child with his anger issues and high-level energy could get spent on, and have less time to waste on fights and insubordination. 

that was how rusty came into his only true love, hockey. he started playing hockey at the age of twelve, and as it turns out, he was pretty damn good at it; he never abandoned his passion, honing his skills as a teenager, preparing himself to, one day, become a big hockey player. 

roman got exactly what he wished for at the age of twenty-two, when he was signed a contract with the new jersey devils. he moved away from minnesota, abandoning his brother & grandparents to pursue his dream career. 

three years later, roman signed his contract with the chicago blackhawks, the team he had so dearly loved ever since a kid. he was on top of the world: had his dream career, was making millions of dollars, supermodels knocking down his door trying to score a date. despite the seemingly perfect life, roman’s childhood demons still haunted him, and he quickly became a very destructive, very unstable alcoholic.

nothing lasts forever, as they say, specially not the good things. at the age of twenty-eight, roman was arrested after he was stopped for speeding by the police--- inside the car, the police officer found a pound of cocaine, an illegal firearm and, just to top off the cake, the three other people in the car with roman were known high-class sex workers. 

the whole thing was a big scandal, and while his management team was too busy trying to hide from the public the fact that the escorts inside the car were all men, roman’s career was ruined. he escaped jail time by bribing the judge with a considerable sum, but rusty was still ordered by everyone in his life to get as far away from the spotlight as he could. that far far away land ended up being valdez, where he’s been living for the past three years.

⟨  𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  / /    personality.   ⟩

roman is, for lack of a better term, a moron. he does things without thinking of the consequences, says things he doesn’t mean, will go out of his way to annoy the people in his life--- not always on purpose, you see.

he’s... a very difficult person to deal with on a personal level ? he can be incredibly charming & friendly if you don’t know him very well, but he’s highly traumatized in so many aspects of his life, it can be quite frustrating trying to make any meaningful connections with him. 

despite the horrible outcome of his party life, rusty still hasn’t been able to get his addiction under control. the public thinks he’s in a rehab clinic somewhere, but truly roman simply added new addictions to his list, not only drowning in the bottom of a bottle but wasting his million dollar fortune on gambling, sex & hard drugs. the addicting side of him makes his personality very volatile, and he can switch his mood like one would switch shirts.

doesn’t think he’s lovable, and always believes that the people in his life are there because he has so much money he doesn’t know what to do with it; even if someone truly cares about him, rusty would never believe them. 

⟨  𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  / /    appearances.   ⟩

rusty is 6′4, with broad shoulders and an athletic build; he has dark curly hair, that looks like he just rolled out of bed but it is carefully styled every morning. 

he has a bunch of tattoos, including a wolf head above his left hipbone and the cobras’ orobouros on the inside of his right bicep. he’s pretty much addicted to getting tattoos, however, so he’s always getting new ones--- usually while drunk. 

he has a silver nose ring, and his ears are pierced though he doesn’t wear earrings unless he’s feeling extra special. 

for as long as rusty was in the public eye, his management always made him dress & act very manly and Straight™ ; it was something that went against his nature, but he was always so terrified of losing his job he would’ve done anything they asked him to. nowadays, with no one around to judge, rusty really lets his feminine side show. he’ll paint his nails, wear anything he wants and talk as openly as he can about how very much not straight he is. it’s his own way of rebelling against the betrayal he felt, but it’s also incredibly freeing for him. 

⟨  𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  / /    plots.   ⟩

a best friend — more like a confidant, the one person that gets to see rusty with his guard down; he’d die and kill for this person.

a protective friend — rusty definitely doesn’t have his shit together. maybe this person doesn’t either, but that doesn’t stop them from caring for him like the mother he has never had.

a party friend / ride or die — roman loves to go wild, and this person isn’t stopping him. in fact, quite the opposite, with the two constantly egging each other on. it can be quite a destructive relationship sometimes, but no one in the world understands them better than each other. 

a fan --- someone who knew him from his hockey days, maybe has a not-so-secret crush on him ? 

a roommate — roman is probably the worst roommate ever; he’s constantly bringing strangers home at late hours, he drinks and do too many drugs in the living room, probably doesn’t know how to clean up after himself. he makes really good food and pays the rent for him & his roomie, though. 

a cuddle buddy — he is definitely a touchy person, and so is this muse. they are always pda’ing in public, and while a lot of people may think they’re together, it’s very platonic for the both of them.

a partner in crime — roman is constantly up to no good. some nights it’s just sitting in a parking lot drinking his weight on vodka, some nights it’s nearly getting killed in a knife fight at the local bar. whatever it is, this person is always there to back him up.

a friend with benefits — roman doesn’t do exclusive relationships very well, but he’s great in the sex department; this character would know that well, since he is constantly hitting them up for some fun with no strings attached. 

a hate-sex type of fling — they hate each other for some reason, can never be in the same room without screaming at each other. that is, until they’ve had a couple of drinks and end up sleeping together as often as they fight.

an enemy — roman can be a pretty tough pill to swallow. this person is taking none of his shit, though, and he has the time of his life trying to piss them off.

an ex-fiancé — they dated for about a year or two when rusty first moved to valdez, and they even shared an apartment at some point. despite loving this person dearly, roman’s addiction got the best of them, and after much cheating and fighting, they finally called quits. 

[jvnghxope]

one shot;

◦ pairing: Jimin | reader

◦ genre: fluff, light angst, implied smut

◦ word count: 14k+

◦ warnings: mentions of death and blood

◦ abstract: After the accident, you can’t remember anything about your life, much less your relationship with Jimin.

People say when your life is in danger, you’ll see your whole life before your eyes.

That you’ll see your childhood, the first time you met your best friend; the first time you went on vacation with your family; the first dog you had; the day of your first birthday party; the first day you went to school; the day you met your first lover; the day you had your first kiss. Every special memory that you had of your life will appear in just mere seconds.

But when your life is hanging by a thread, you can’t see anything at all.

You feel like you are falling. Maybe not literally, but you feel you are in freefall. And you have nothing to grab on, to slow you down. Nothing but darkness.

“She’s losing too much blood!” you hear voices all around you. You try to listen to them, even you try to reply them to keep you awake, but the consciousness slides off of your hands like water.

“We need to take her to surgery, now!”

“Please tell me that she is fine, that she’ll be ok…” a young man is there with you in a pure state of panic, holding your hand and looking like that the tight embrace is the only thing preventing his world to fall apart. You want to hold him back but you can’t feel your fingers.

“Sir, you can’t stay here. Just family-“they practically need to tear apart the embrace he has in your hand to move him away from you.

“She is my girlfriend!” two men are holding him up to avoid him to reach out for you again.

“I’m so sorry-”

Another men, a doctor, approaches him. “Kid, listen. We need to take her to surgery now or she will die.”

And they leave him there with fear and worry filling his whole self. He punches a near wall with his fist so hard he hears the sound of breaking bones but he barely feels the pain, the guilt and fear swallowing it completely. He slides down in the wall with his fist bleeding and preparing himself for the worst.

“She is stable now,” a woman’s voice. She is in your room.

“She had an accident,” she is sitting right next to your bed. She is petting your hair, holding her tears. Avoiding any eye contact with the injuries that cover your whole body.

You already had three surgeries.

“The doctors said it’s nothing serious, but they need her to wake up. To see if the injury in her head is serious. To check out that everything is fine,” she is tapping her foot on the floor, a sign of how anxious and worried she is.

“Jimin? He’s fine physically, but mentally… –I think he feels guilty, that all that happened is his fault. He doesn’t want to talk to me,” when she got in the hospital earlier that night she saw your boyfriend in such a mess. All his face covered with tears, his hands tight-fisted in his hair and blood –your blood– covering all his clothes. He was trying to figure it out where you were and why they didn’t allow him to see you. He felt like he was going insane at that very moment.

“They said that if she doesn’t wake up soon, maybe she will not be able to, ever.”

They have been five days since the accident.

The woman you heard earlier is still there, not willing to leave your side. Jimin is in the room too, sitting on the couch near your bed. He didn’t leave your side either. He’s calm now, or at least it looks like he is. He always has been good at hiding his feelings away from other people to read them. You were the only one who can see the feelings hiding behind his perfect smile. So now he’s just sitting there, lost in his own thoughts and not paying too much attention to the surroundings.

The woman is about to tell him to leave and rest for a while when you start moving in your bed.

You groan in pain. “What happened?”

Your groans made Jimin come back to the present. Now he and the woman are staring at you in pure shock.

They both stay silent not answering your question, to shock to speak. Then the lady jumps into action, “Oh my god, Jimin. Wait here, I’ll call a doctor!” and she practically runs out of the room leaving you there alone with him.

“Where am I?” you ask again, trying to look at your surroundings –the pain in your body not letting you do that, and at some point, your eyes meet his.

Jimin is still silent, not daring to speak yet. He is now on his feet, the realization of your wake up crashing him down.

“The hospital, you had a car accident.” He manages to say. He walks slowly to your bed and sits at the corner, the mattress plunges slightly under his weight. He flashes a smile, the curves of his lips tugging because of the happiness and relief. His eyes traveling all around your face in pure adoration. You return his gaze and there is something odd in your eyes that Jimin doesn’t know how to explain.

“Why I am here?”

Jimin gulps loudly, “You had an accident.”

You nod. “I don’t remember what happened.”

“They said it is fine for you to not remember things about the accident, due to the trauma.“  You nod again.

“Who are you?” you ask, out of nowhere, looking him straight to the eyes, your voice almost audible –no sign of recognition in your eyes. He takes some time to understand the implication of your words.

“What do you mean?” He’s not sure if he wants no hear your answer.

“I mean, who are you?” You ask again. This time more firm.

His smile vanishes slowly, his heart sinking deep into his chest again.

“He’s your boyfriend.” You hear another voice, replying you.  The woman came back.

“M-my boyfriend? But I don’t even know him,” your stare is jumping between the people standing beside your bed, demanding explanations.

“Honey, do you know who I am?” the lady says instead.

“I don’t know, my doctor?” You’re so confused that you say the first thing that came to your mind.

“N-No, I’m your mother.”

“My mom?” you start to panic.

“Can you tell me your name?” she asks you slowly, the worry filling her eyes.

Her words are confusing you, of course, you know what your name is. But then you are speechless, not knowing how to answer. The panic is overwhelming and your heart is beating loudly in your rib cage.

“I… can’t.”

Jimin never felt more helpless in his entire life.

He knew, in sort of a way that the car accident is not his fault. But he couldn’t help feeling guilty.

Everything passed in slow motion. The bump, the broken glass, the screams. And you were in the middle of everything.

You were unconscious, your body lying on the floor in front of the car, broken glasses surrounding you and your head was bleeding. Seeing you like that made Jimin’s heart stop in his chest, just thinking about the possibility of you being already dead. He, at some point, managed to call an ambulance but he was totally freaking out. He wanted to put your body in his lap, but he was afraid of moving you and make the things worst. He didn’t notice when the ambulance arrived, he was busy grabbing your hand, his face full of tears and praying that you were still alive.

After that, he found himself waiting in the hospital while you were at your first surgery. He was waiting, with his fist bleeding and memories of you clouding his mind.

He fell for you at the very moment he saw for the first time. Most of the people would describe you as an ordinary person. But you were everything except ordinary to him. You did things with such a passion and he could just stay there, seeing you in pure awe. He loves the way you lose yourself when you play your cello; the way you get deep into the story when you’re reading a book that you don’t pay attention to anything else; the way you scream to people inside the movies to making them do a certain thing; he learned to love every detail about you.

In the moment you both started dating, you rapidly become the type of couple that complemented each other. You had a normal life, you would describe it like simple. Finishing high school and your mid-time job was all that you had in mind. Then you met him. He was reckless, spontaneous, everything you were not. He was the type of boy that lived moment. Rebel, fiery, feisty. The puff of cool breeze on a summer day. He changed your life, the way you perceived it, and he placed your world upside down. In a good way.

He was like a magnet, and you were unavoidable attracted to him. Just like everyone else who knew him. His walks full of confidence and a smirk always printed on his face. He turned your life into something different –in something better, making you live every moment like if it was the last one. And you made him more serious, he started to think about the consequences of his actions. You complemented each other, making you perfect together. Everyone could see that.

So, when you woke up and didn’t remember anything and anyone, his heart sank down. When you looked at him then, you didn’t have that spark you always had when you looked at him. The spark of happiness and love that always was in your eyes since you met him. You looked at him like he was a total stranger. And in sort of a way, he was.

When he knocked at your door couple of hours later, you were lost in your thoughts. You don’t notice him, so he enters the room slowly. When he is near your bed, he hears that you are whispering to yourself ‘my name is ___’, like a soft mantra.

“How are you feeling?” He asks you quietly, attracting your attention.

You toss your head at him, speechless. “Fine, I just have a headache”, you finally answer him after a few seconds.

He is silent, not really knowing what to tell you. You wander his face with your eyes, you don’t know how you feel about him. When you look at him he still doesn’t see any recognition in your eyes and his heart is beating in pain.

He swallows the knot forming in his throat, “You really can’t remember anything?” You can’t read his expression.

He couldn’t help but ask you that, the mere thought it was killing him and he need to listen to the words ‘I don’t remember you’ from your mouth to start to believe it. 

“Well, I know now my name because you guys told me. But further of that, not too much,” you are rubbing your hands together, a thing you always do when you feel anxious.

“Sometimes I have glimpses of memories of my life. The first one I had was when I broke my ankle. I think the surroundings of the hospital made remember that, like a Déjà vu,” you are lost in your thoughts again.

His lips turn into a knowing smile, “you have a scar on your ankle because of that.” Your lips tug into a tiny smile.

“It’s strange, you know?” Your eyes meet his again, “You know things about me that I don’t even remember. It’s just… weird,” he feels you distant like you are not there with him.

“I know you very well, we’ve been together for more than two years.” Now he has a nostalgic smile, suddenly memories of your relationship filing his mind.

“Can you tell me something about us?” You ask him before you can bite your words. The curiosity is consuming you.

Your question took him by surprise, “well…, we first met three years ago and started dating like three months after that.”

He began to tell you some details about your life: you are currently in junior year in college; you play the cello; your favorite movie, song and book; and some other things about you and the time you spent together with him. You are looking at him while he’s talking, mesmerized by his words. He is still surprising you with how much he knows about you.

And now he is terrified. Terrified because you forget – no, you don’t remember ­– anything about your relationship, about him. And he is afraid you’ll never remember. All the times you both share soft kisses and uncountable ‘I love you’ under a full moon and a sky full of stars; when you both run away for a weekend because your parents didn’t like Jimin that much; when you both got drunk together, because you never did before –the hangover almost kill you and Jimin stayed with you all the next day; when the soft kisses turn into more passionate and sloppy ones, you both giving in to each other connecting in the most intimate way possible; the soft chuckles, the giggles, the laughing you both share; the silent jokes; the soft grins; the wide smiles; you were both there for each other, when the moments were amazing and when they were not too much; he was there for you in the most important moments of your life and you were there for him too.

You both share a love so deep, passionate, perfect, and circumstances of the life took you away from him, leaving him behind with an open wound and vulnerable.

And he was terrified.

While he was speaking, he seated in the corner of your bed and unconsciously he took your hand in his. You are so dumbfounded to even notice at first, but when you do, you quickly take your hand away from his. The way he looked at you making you feel guilty right away.

His expression is hurt. “You really think I am stranger, don’t you?”

“I-I…” you don’t know what to say.

“No, it’s ok. It’s not your fault.” He stands up of the bed. You carefully used your words this time.

“How can I trust you? How can I believe in anything you just told me?” Your calm demeanor is not there anymore and you sound desperate. “I don’t remember anything of my life, of the people I used to know. How can I know that you’re not lying to me?”

“You really think I would be capable of that? Why would I do that? Lie to you.”

“That’s the thing Jimin. I don’t know.”

Even when he’s hurt with your words, he can’t blame you. “I guess you just need to take the risk.”

“But-“

“Well, I think I should get going.” He walks towards the door. “I’ll give you some space.”

But then he stops in front of it, “I…” he starts.

I love you.

“I’ll see you later.” He says instead, shaking his head while he passes through the door. He never looks back. An unfamiliar pain surprisingly rise in your chest when you see him walking away from you.

Jimin never came back to visit you after that, but you know that he’s still coming to the hospital. He just cares too much about you.

After that little fight –if you could call it that, your parents were the only one who came to visit you into your room. You didn’t think you could handle the pain in someone’s eyes when they notice you don’t remember anything about them nor about the time you spent together, all the memories you created. Your parents are good at hiding, or you just forgot how to see through their lies.

They brought you from home a couple of your favorite books –one is the one Jimin told you, and your family photo albums. They thought you could remember something about your past if you saw the photos of your life. It helped you to remember some details.

A couple of days after, two boys around your age stormed into your room.

“Brat, I’m Min Yoongi. How could you even forget about me?” the black-haired boy grumbles.

“How could you even forget about Jeon Jungkook?” the boy with chocolate locks retorts.

You stop in your tracks, leaving the book you were happily reading in the bed.

“Ok, guys. Please be gentle and tell who you are.”

“Are you serious?” both seem pretty offended.

“We are your best friends, duh.” The boy with chocolate hair –Jungkook, tells you.

“But you are male,” in some point Jungkook managed to sit down in the corner of the bed. Your brain is dumbfounded by the way he looks, no, both of them. Like they just got out of a photoshoot for a magazine. “You’re telling me now that my best friends are male?”

“You never had a problem with that,” Yoongi is on the left side of the bed, questioning your sanity.

Jungkook laughs at the dumbfounded look still printed on your face, “Hey, I know you are surprised but we’ve known each other since kinder. We were practically raised together”, you now remember that you have seen a little boy with chocolate locks next to you in the photo album your parents brought you.  

He smiled at the look of recognition in your eyes, “Then we met that guy,” he points to Yoongi, “When we were in middle school.”

“’That guy?’” Yoongi repeats, “You idiot, I’m older than you.” He slaps Jungkook on the back of his head. Jungkook starts laughing, trying to protect himself with his hands. Your soft chuckles follow him.

They stayed with you a couple of hours, just telling you every story that came to their minds. Yoongi told you he plays the piano and you sometimes join him with your cello in some pieces, and vice versa. You have been practiced together since middle school.

“And then, you threw me your pasta!” Jungkook continuous with his story.

“JEON!” You interrupt him, “I never did that!” Jungkook smiles widely at the sound of his nickname –you remember it.

“No, you did. But that idiot ducked your attempt and the pasta fell on my face instead of his. And of course, I had to give it back to you.” Yoongi says. Jungkook starts laughing loudly at the memory.

You sigh, half whining half giggling. “I can’t remember that.” You hide your face in your hands.

“Well, it was epic. The three of us had detention that day because of the food war we started. And that’s why Yoongi started hanging out with us.” Jungkook finishes, smiling widely.  

And the three of you stay there, just chatting with Jungkook and Yoongi –the book you were reading long forgotten.

It’s been two months since you got out of the hospital.

Your life is getting normal, slowly. Or at normal as it could be. At first, you feel like a stranger in your own house. But with the time you start to feel more comfortable. You’re trying your best to start living your life like always. You return to your job and you start to go to classes.

But even when you start your life again, something still feels different, out of place. Like if you’re not totally comfortable with your life anymore. Is all the memories and past experiences that form our personality and now that you have lost all that, is like anyone knows you anymore, not even yourself.

While time passes, you start to get more and more flashbacks of your life, your head spinning with a constant headache.

Being at your home is weird. You know where everything is and at the same time, you don’t remember it. Everything is a constant feeling of Déjà vu. Even when you are at your house now, you feel an empty hole in your chest and you can’t help but think that maybe is because of him.

You don’t know anything about Jimin since you last saw him in the hospital. You want to talk to him but you are not too sure of what to say. He’s keeping his promise of giving you some space. But you have this constant urge of seeing him and you’re not used to that feeling.

People say open wounds heal over time –but it seems when more time passes the pain in your chest it gets bigger and bigger.

“Why I still can’t remember him?” You ask Jungkook one day. You were both lying down in your bed. You know Jungkook since you were little so he has always spent too much time in your house so he practically lived there. He just gave you some time to readjust yourself before he started to come again. Now you are more comfortable with his and Yoongi’s presence.

“I don’t know,” you were resting your head on his chest making an enormous “L” form in your bed while he was playing with a little ball throwing it to the ceiling. “Seriously. Maybe your brain doesn’t process all the intense feelings that are attached to him, yet.”

“I really loved him that much?” You turn your face to look at him.

“I’d never seen you in too much happiness nor pain, to be honest. You really changed when you met him.”

“I don’t know,” you simply say.

“I know,” he laughs softly and his chest vibrates under your head. “But I do know. At first, we thought he was kind of a bad influence on you. Not because he was a bad person or anything, but he did something in you. I don’t know how to explain it.” He sits down, moving your head away from his chest.

“You were suddenly so happy. I’m one of your closest friends so I noticed that quickly. Even Yoongi noticed in your music. He told me that your music changed from a mysterious, robotic-like kind of melody to a more passionate.” He continuous.

You interrupt him with a frown, “He said that?”

“Hey, don’t look at me. Both of you are the music nerds,” he defends himself. “You know, I’ve never told you this, but I wasn’t a big fan of Jimin either,” he says, referring at the initial awkwardness between your parents and Jimin when you started dating. You ask him why, “I don’t know, some people say you changed but I wouldn’t use that word. Yes, you became more reckless and spontaneous but you were still the same ___ I’ve always known.”

“And when you started to like him?”  

“When I noticed how happy you were with him and he loved you as much as you did. And that was all that mattered.”

You always knew that Jimin was the kindest and wonderful person you had ever met, but when he gets angry he could be the most annoying.

“Jimin, wait!” you were running after him. “What’s wrong?” He stopped walking.

“Nothing, I’m just going home. Get inside and get back with Jungkook.” Your eyebrows furrowed at his sudden rudeness.

“What?” you surrounded your body with your arms. It’s cold outside and you left your coat inside the club.

He sighed in annoyance, “sometimes I just feel that you prefer date Jungkook instead of me.”

“What?” You’re surprised. “Why you feel that way?”

He was avoiding eye contact. “Well, you brought him here. This was supposed to be a date.”

“You brought Hoseok!” You almost yelled at him.

“Yes, I called him after you brought him first!” he yelled back. Great, now you were fighting. In the street. In front of everyone.

“Baby, you didn’t tell me that this was supposed to be a date. I thought you just wanted to know the new club in town and I just called him, I’m sorry.” You tried to call him down before it went out of control.

“I know, but I don’t like how you call him lately every time I want to hang out with you. Like I said, maybe you should date him instead of me.” He said before he could stop himself. And he regretted in the moment he saw your reaction.

“What you’re talking about?” He saw the pain tinting your factions even when you tried to hide it.

“You heard me, I think you should date Jungkook instead of me.” He is worryingly calm and you started to panic. He wasn’t thinking straight.

“Where this is coming from?” You asked him in disbelief, “He is my best friend.”

“From what I heard he’s more than just your best friend,” the words were like venom in his mouth. He was angry, so angry. He was talking without thinking first. He walked away from you, to save you from his anger. He didn’t want to hurt you more than he already did.

“What that supposed to mean?” you took him by the wrist before he could go so far from you.

“I heard you both kissed,” he was pressing his hands into fists, so tight that his knuckles were white. He didn’t like Jungkook those days. He was always around you and the jealousy gnawed him every time. He bears it at first because he knew he was part of your life, but knowing that you both kissed was the last straw.

“Where did you hear that?”

“That doesn’t matter!” He yelled again.

He walked away again and then came back, “How do I know if you did more than kissing?” His fingers were tugging his hair in frustration, his whole body was stiff.

Your eyes widened in surprise and anger. “Ok, first of all. If you’re implying what I think, then you’re completely wrong. I’ve never had sex with him. Please! He is like my brother!” you followed him when he started to walk away from you. He was trying to avoid you but the people filling the sidewalk made it difficult for him. It was a Friday night in the mere center of the city after all.

“And second, we kissed when we were 13 years old!” You managed to block his steps. “We had never kissed anyone before and we were just curious, ok? It was purely platonic.” You tried to seek Jimin’s eyes, but he was avoiding eye contact again.

“Why are you acting like this?” your voice broke.

That took him off guard, he was hurting you with his words. He knew that.

“You’re jealous.” You didn’t ask, you affirmed.  

“How am I not supposed to? Everyone says both of you look perfect together.” He was looking at you, his eyes were desperate.

“Why would anyone say that!?”

“Everybody!” He yelled. “___, you both won king and queen in the Homecoming; you are always together and if people don’t know you they would think you’re dating him. I thought that myself the first time I met you.” He lowered his voice.

“I don’t care what other people think. You’re my boyfriend and I love you,” you took his hand on yours. “Not him.”

“I know the girls in school think he is attractive,” he didn’t even hear you. His eyes glued in your tangled fingers.

“Well, he is.” You said softly. Even when he is your best friend you can’t help but notice the way he looks.

“See, you should date him.” He sounded tired. Your heart sank deep into your chest.

Because you were so tired of fighting for nonsense, you couldn’t help but say to him, “Maybe I will.”

“Fine, do that.” He simply replied like he didn’t care anymore. He took away his hand from yours and started walking again. This time you didn’t stop him. The tears were running freely down your cheeks.

No, don’t go. Please.

“Fine.” You whispered. You were not sure if he listened to you.

He had already crossed the street when you regretted your words and you ran to try to reach him.

He was on the other side of the street when he heard the horn of a car and a thud. People started to yell for help and he turned around.

And you were there lying in the middle of the street with wounds all over your body and a pool of your own blood started to form underneath you.

The mind is a mysterious thing and maybe no one could completely understand the complexity of it.

Right now you were not sure if what you dreamed actually happened or it was just a dream and a set of your mind, but it felt real. So real that you woke up in a panic state, your heart hammering rapidly in your chest. And after that dream, you started to get more and more flashbacks of your life but now they all were about him.

You were completely sure that a red-haired boy was following you. You saw him one day in the hallway of your faculty with the corner of your eye and when you tried to focus on him, he wasn’t there. You saw him in your house and in your work. He was everywhere you go and you couldn’t rid of him.  

Maybe you went crazy.

Is mid-November and you can feel the cold starting to linger in the air announcing that winter is close. It’s Sunday at noon and you’re walking in the park near your house with a book you just bought. Your mind is clouded with some memories and you let your feet guide your way. Last night you had another flashback and it felt more real than the others. You were lying in somewhere that looks like a meadow with someone you didn’t quite recognize, his face blurring. You both were watching and seeking for figures in the stars that embellish the sky.

Unconsciously your feet guided you at some hidden spot in the park. Enormous and magnificent trees surrounding you in green. You walk in awe in the direction of the bench, but it’s when you’re just a few steps away from it that you notice someone already there, seated. He is backward, so you don’t see his face.

Disappointed, you start to walk your way back to find another spot, but your feet crashed some dead leaves alerting the stranger of your presence.

“___?” The stranger is now fully looking at you and you freeze in the place, your heart running rapidly in your chest because of the familiarity of the voice. You turn on your heels, slowly.

“Jimin?” He looks different, his ashy blonde hair now dyed in a light shade of grey. Seeing him makes your heart skip a beat against your will.

He notices the nervousness in your body, knowing you better than yourself right now. His lips turn into a warm smile just for knowing that he still affects you in that way.  

Your lungs stop functioning properly and you can’t find your voice to ask him why he is here so he speaks first, “How have you been?”

You don’t answer fast, still trying to find a way to form a coherent sentence. “Fine, I think” you manage to say.

He begins to walk slowly in your direction, the space between the two of you getting smaller.

“I-I-…” You try to say, but you are not able to put your thoughts together.

“I’m happy to hear that,” he’s now a few steps far from you. The last time you saw him your mind was such a mess that you didn’t pay full attention to him. Now that you can see him properly you’re in absolute shock. His now grey hair fits perfectly with the tone of his skin. His eyes are a deep pool of chocolate and his stare is so intense that you feel your legs turning to jelly instantly. His voice is so velvety and the way he says your name, full of love and adoration, makes your head spin.

“I don’t want to bother you so I’ll just go,” you whisper.

“No, it’s fine. We can share the space.” He says before you can run away and hide in your house. And his words kick out the air of your lungs for the third in a row.

“But you arrived here first.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Wait,” A feeling of déjà vu hits you again. “I’ve been here before, didn’t I? With you.” You look at your surroundings now with a new sense of familiarity. “We first met in here.” You whisper and you meet with his eyes again.

“This is one of our favorite places,” his smile turns nostalgic while he speaks. “We met here, in this very same spot, in the same situation. I always liked this place because is hidden and hard to find if you don’t know exactly where it is. A place apart from the world. I used to sit down in here just to think and I admire the stars when they appeared in the sky at night. But since I met you, I discovered something more beautiful to admire than the stars: you.” A shiver runs down your spine.

“Are you crying?” He asks then.

“I’m not-…” You take your hand to your cheek and you feel the tears running down for the first time, “I-I…- don’t know why…” the words choked in your throat and Jimin takes the last step in your direction, cupping your face with his hands and brushing away the tears with his thumbs.  

He leans in a little, involuntary. “You can remember that?” His face is so close to yours that you feel his breath brushing your features.

You place your hands on his waist for support before you answer him, “Barely. But I do remember your red-haired self.” You raise your face to look him straight in the eyes. When you find them, they’re wide and his lips are twitching into a soft smile.

You can’t help but lower your gaze to his pink and plump lips and your breath hitches in your throat. You’re now extremely self-conscious and aware of the intimate embrace you both are in. But you don’t move away. Jimin notices your stare and he lowers himself more, almost touching your lips with his –like the touch of a butterfly. You close your eyes and stay still, waiting for him to take the next step. You feel how he brushes his lips against yours slightly, making you feel butterflies in your stomach, but he doesn’t kiss you and you squeeze his waist with your fingers in discomfort.

He chuckles a little, “I won’t kiss you, even if I want it so bad. I don’t want to push you to do things you don’t want to.” Little he knows that you wanted to kiss him, too.

“How do you know what I want?” You bravely ask him.

A gummy smile appears on his face when he closes the space between the two of you and pulls you into a tight hug. He takes you by surprise but you snake your arms around his waist quickly and rest your head in the crook of his neck, the intoxicating scent of his cologne filling all your senses. Even when your brain screams ‘You don’t know him’, hug him. Being in his arms feels so right that you melt against him.

You both stay like that for a couple of minutes. Jimin doesn’t want to push his luck more than he already did, so he pulls away slowly. He brushes your cheek with his thumb before he takes a step back.

“I want to do things right. Seeing you here, in the place we first met it’s like… faith. So I’ll hear the universe and start over.”

You furrow your eyebrows together, “Why do you mean by that?”

“If I need to bring to life the past two years and a half again, I’ll do it. I’ll help you to get throw this.” He sends you a heartwarming smile. “So, I’m Park Jimin. Nice to meet you.”

You frown. “I still don’t believe you.”

“Then I need to recover your trust.”

Everyone said to you that you started to take more risks when you met him. This time it won’t be any different. “I’m ___. Nice to meet you too.” And your lips turn into a smile in return.

“Ok, again. We’re in this party because…?” You look at Jungkook while he’s getting out of the car.

“What? The annual party of Taehyung it’s a tradition. Plus, the year is almost over and you need fun in your life right now.”

“Jeez, ok. But why is so crowded?” You look at the house full of people while you walk into the entrance. “And Jungkook, this dress was also necessary?”

“Well, maybe you don’t remember but Tae is a pretty social guy. Maybe half of the school is in here.” He greets a couple of people before he returns his attention to you. “And what’s wrong with the dress?”

“It’s so tight.” You say while you pull the hem of the dress down to cover more of your thighs.

“Babe, that’s the point of the dress. You look hot, get over it.” He brushes your hair with his hand, messing it a little. You half screamed ‘It took me like hours to make it look like this!’ and he adds, half chuckling, “Come on, I’ll get you a drink,” before he gets in the house and guides you towards the kitchen.

You sigh in defeat and follow him.

You find Jin in the kitchen, who greets both of you with a wide and beautiful smile.  

“Hi guys! What’s up?” He is back of the improvised bar, preparing some drinks. “Wow, ___. Is nice to see you around here again,” he gets out of the bar and gives you a tight hug that pulls out the oxygen from your lungs.

“Yes,” you say, still catching your breath. “It’s nice to see you, too.”

“Well, you guys want something to drink?” He says while he gets back to the other side of the bar.

“Surprise us,” Jungkook says and Jin smiles again.

“Jungkook!” You hear a voice behind you. Taehyung is running in your direction. “Oh! ___, you’re here!” He grabs you by the waist in a quick hug and then looks to Jungkook, “Hey, Fany just arrived. But she arrived with someone.”

Jin gives you your drinks. “What? Are you serious?” Jungkook sighs and Taehyung only shrugs.

“Who is Fany?” You ask in interest.

“Oh, I thought I already told you about her. We met her a month ago. She’s cool and beautiful. And I invite her to the party, so you guys could meet her…-“Jungkook starts.

“But she came with someone.” Taehyung interrupts him.

Jungkook throws him a glare and Jin says, “Maybe he’s a friend.”

“I don’t know but I’ll go greet her.” Jungkook continues. “Don’t get lost, I’ll drive you home today,” Jungkook tells you.

“You sure? I could ask Yoongi or walk. My house is not far from here.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t know if he’ll come tonight. I think he’s with Ana right now. And after your accident, I don’t want to leave you alone in the streets.” Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I’ll look for you later, or call you. See you later Jin,” and with that, he disappears with Taehyung in the ocean of people filling the entire house.

Suddenly, you notice the kitchen is full of people and some of them are waiting in the bar. So you say to Jin, “Hey, it’s so crowded here. I’ll go somewhere else.”

“Ok, I think I saw Jimin in the living room. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” Jin waves a hand in goodbye and a smile is on his lips.

You didn’t remember that Tae’s house being this big and mansion-like, so when you enter the living room, you’re surprised with what you find.

All the couches and sofas were pushed aside in all the corners, leaving in the center a quite big space for the dance floor. All the light bulbs in the room were switched with other ones in different tones of blue and purple giving the feeling of being in a club. Bodies are pushed together, dancing to the beat of the music and the scent of sweat and alcohol lingers in the air. The living room is full of people, you can’t find Jimin anywhere. You’re not sure of what to do next so you do something you wouldn’t do years ago: you finish your drink in one gulp, the strange liquor burning down your throat, and you direct yourself to the dance floor.

Jimin spot you at the very moment you entered the living room. You look so beautiful in that dress and his heart flutters a little in his chest. He notices the way all the gazes in the living room are directed towards yourself and he’s eager to pull you into a tight embrace but he suppressed himself to do so. You were still getting used to his presence and he doesn’t want to pressure you. So he just stays where he is, hanging out with Hoseok.

You’re on the dance floor, moving your hips and your whole body at the rhythm of the music. Your eyes are closed, losing yourself in the moment. You can’t recall the last time you did that, just living the moment without thinking in anything else. After a couple of songs, you feel a hand on your shoulder trying to get your attention. You open your eyes in surprise. It’s Hyuk, one of your friends. Besides Jungkook and Yoongi, he’s one of your closest friends.

“Hi girl, I didn’t know you were going to come here. How have you been?” You can tell that he has been dancing because of the heaviness of his breath and the sweat that is making his dark blue hair to stick in his forehead.

“Hi,” you smile at him. “Well, Jungkook dragged me here.” He laughs softly at that. “And I’ve been fine, thank you.” He keeps dancing with you, so you follow his lead and you keep moving with the music.

“I know we haven’t talked a lot, thanks to the things you’ve been through these days. But I wanted to know how are you,” he says, suddenly more serious.

“Yes, it has been difficult. But I’m good, now. You don’t have to worry about nothing,” you smile softly.

“You sure?” When you nod, he adds, “I wanted to visit you in the Hospital after I came back from my trip, but your parents didn’t give me the chance to see you.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Those days I didn’t want to see anyone, due to all the circumstances.”

“No, it’s okay. I get it, you’ve passed through a lot. Well, you are still passing through a lot right now,” neither of you mention your condition, the lack of your memory. But you know he knows about it. Everyone that is close to you knows it.

You smile softly at his words, “I’m glad to hear that you’re okay. Don’t worry, you’ll pass through this, you’re strong. And you have us,” he adds, showing you a bright smile. Then he pulls you into a friendly hug and you hug him back. You don’t know why but just as with Yoongi and Jungkook, you feel comfortable around him. You both stay dancing and chatting for a while. The music is so loud that he needs to lean in to almost shout the words to your ear and you need to do the same. For the people around you, it would seem that you both were flirting. You’re not entirely surprised when you feel a pair of arms snaking around your waist, hugging you from behind.

“Baby, I finally found you. I was looking for you everywhere,” he says conveniently loud while he brushes his lips against your cheek in a soft kiss.  Your heart jumps at his actions. You try to look at him with the corner of your eyes but he’s busy with the crock of your neck.

You return your gaze to Hyuk and hints of a smile are tugging his lips like if he is saying ‘I get it’, “I should leave the lovebirds alone.” You give him an apologetic smile and he just adds, “I’ll call you later,” before he returns with his friends on the other side of the living room, leaving you two alone. Jimin murmurs something against your neck that sounds like ‘just try it’. You can’t help but laugh.

“What was that?” you ask him, still giggling a little.

“What do you mean?” You turn, his hands still in your waist, to face him. He’s smiling all innocently. You half-close your eyes, knowing that something is running through his mind. He’s is jealous, you know that –but you decide to say nothing. It’s just then when you realize that you’re still dancing and Jimin is now dancing with you, moving his hips softly in compass with yours. His hands are still in your waist, making the position more intimate. Your heart jumps into your chest again and you feel butterflies partying in your stomach.

You take his hands out of your waist with yours and you pull him out of the dance floor, “I want something to drink.”

“Aww babe, I wanted to dance with you!” he pouts. You just ignore him, avoiding eye contact with him so he can’t see all flustered. With your hands tangled together, you both walk towards the kitchen again.

Being friend of the ‘bartender’ has its perks. The kitchen is crowded with people searching something to drink –but in the moment Jin sees the both of you, he quickly gives you your drinks and you’re out of the kitchen in no time. You start to look somewhere you both can talk without the bustle of the party. Moments later you find one that looks like a living room. Although is smaller than the main one, you still see it big enough. There are people in there too, that –like Jimin and you, were searching for somewhere peaceful to hang out far away from the loud music and –soon, the drunk people.

“So, now I know how I first met you.” You take a sip of your drink while Jimin takes a seat next to you on the empty couch. “What happened next?”

He frowns, “Well, it’s kind of funny. I think the next time I saw you after that was in this party –Tae’s annual party, years ago.”

“Really?” Your eyes widen a little at that.

Jimin can’t help but smile warmly. She’s so beautiful. “Yes. I know Tae since we were kids, but he moved to the city and we lost contact. Years later –a couple of months after I moved here, I bumped into him while I was doing some paperwork for college. We chatted a little and he invited me to his party that weekend. He wanted me to meet some of his friends. I’m was very happy that Jungkook and Tae were close friends because I don’t know how but Jungkook managed to drag you hear and I could see you again.”

“Oh my god, yes!” you say, almost pouring out your drink on the couch. “When I arrived at the party, you were flirting with this girl. I recognized you because of your bright red hair.”

It looks like Jimin is having a hard time trying to find the correct words, “I-I was not flirting with her.”

You laugh softly, “You were brushing your hair out of your forehead with your fingers in the way you know how and you were giving her your smug grin.”

“That doesn’t mean I was flirting with her.” You give him a ‘Are you kidding me?’ look. “Ok, maybe I was flirting with her. But in the moment I saw you, she was long forgotten.”

“Sure,” a soft laugh comes out of the seams of your lips again. Jimin can’t help but laugh at you. It takes time for Jimin to realize something: you just remember something. And just the simple thought of your memory coming back –slowly, is enough for his lips to turn into a smile, so wide and beautiful that his eyes are two bright half-moons. A smile that every time you see it makes your knees weak, your heart starts to thump erratically in your chest –and even when your mind feels that this is the first time you see him smiling like that, your body reacts the same way like it did the first time you actually saw it years ago. Now you’re flustered again and your lips mirror his smile.

You both say nothing after that, you’re too flustered to even make eye contact with him, but the silence that fills the space between the two of you is comfortable. You get distracted watching some people playing pool in the center of the room and Jimin takes the chance to see you. His eyes wander all over your features and he sees small hints of the old you –the way you purse your lips together when you’re lost in your thoughts or the way you knit together your eyebrows when you’re confused. These little details haven’t changed since he met you. But he sees too little signs of a new you, a different person. He noticed in the way you act now around people –so nonchalant yet careful not daring to trust anyone, always expecting the worst of them. Before the accident, he was your shield against the world. Now, you were your own shield.

He can’t blame you, though. When you end knowing anything about the people around you and even about yourself, it gives to people the chance to lie to you. A blank canvas expecting to be filled with new experiences and memories and anyone can paint it.

“Can I ask you something?” your voice brings Jimin to reality. He just hums in response. “I had this dream a pair of weeks ago,” you start, your gaze returning to him. “It was just before the accident. We were fighting,” you feel how Jimin’s body gets rigid next to you, his gentle expression suddenly hardening. “It really happened?”

“Yes,” the only thing you see in his eyes is pain and guilt. “But I want you to know that I didn’t mean any of that.”

“I know that,” you assure him, smiling softly. “It’s not your fault,” is like you can read what is crossing his mind. He looks at you in confusion. “The accident is not your fault.”

“I– “ he tries to say something but you don’t let him speak.

“If what I dreamt is real, then the accident was my fault.”

“But, we were fighting. I yell at you –“Jimin tries again, but you interrupt him in the middle of his sentence.

“You were angry. I didn’t understand it that day –but now I get it.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“Yes, you shouldn’t have. But hey,” you take his left hand and you tangle his fingers with yours. “That doesn’t matter anymore. Jimin, I’m alive. We’re here, together. Right now, that’s all that matters.” Your lips turn into a smile, “Let’s just leave the past in the past.”

You see how Jimin’s body start to relax next to you, his features softening. His fingers tighten in yours, the embrace between your hands more firm. “Yes, let’s just leave it in the past.” The pain and guilt are no longer in his features and they’re replaced for something you can only describe as love.

The next few days pass so quickly and before you know it Christmas is around the corner –and with the holiday winter officially starts.

The cold breeze travels all around the city, leaving flushed cheeks and chapped lips along its way. White snow coats all the streets of the city and with the Christmas decorations and all the lights –it looks like the city came out of a fairy tale. People are more cheerful, happier and hopeful in these days. The smell of chocolate, coffee, and ginger linger in the air.

You’re swimming in the deep pool of unconsciousness, dreaming about a red-haired boy and a melody you can’t seem to get out of your head when you hear a noise disturbing your sleeping.

It’s your phone ringing on the other side of your room. It takes a couple of minutes for you to wake up completely and be able to stand up of your bed. When your eyes still closed, you reach out for your phone that for some reason it’s vibrating on your couch near your window.

You answer without looking who is calling and a cheerful voice greets you on the other line.

“Good morning!”

“What the-“ you look at your phone. “Jimin, it’s 8 in the morning!” You groan.

“Baby, I have special plans for us today. Please, I’m outside your house,” you feel how he’s pouting even when you can’t see him. “I’ll wait here.” He hangs up before you can reply. You groan again and you throw your phone on your bed.

15 minutes later –record time, you leave your house only to find a breathtaking scene before your eyes.

Jimin is standing in front of you, with a black coat hugging his body and a blue scarf around his neck. His hair is still light grey and it’s a little messy because of the air. He’s giving you a wide smile and his cheeks are flushed due to the cold breeze. He looks handsome and your heart clenches in delight. You were annoyed before because he woke you up so early in the morning –but now that you have him in front of you, you’re having a hard time choosing the correct words. Jimin takes the opportunity then to get close to you and give you a soft peck on your cheek.

“Hi, beautiful.” He says softly to your ear before pulling away –his breathtaking smile still printed on his face, leaving you even more flustered.

“Hi,” you finally find your voice.

“You ready?”

“For what?”

“I have a special place I want to show you,” he runs his fingers through his hair and smiles again before he starts walking towards his car. You follow his lead.

The ride in the car is fast. You take the opportunity to ask him where is he taking you, but he only answers with a simple “It’s a surprise” and a soft grin. When you arrive at your destination, you notice that you are in a part of the city you don’t recognize. It’s full of stores, shops, restaurants and the mall. You’re actually surprised to find a lot of people doing stuff in this time in the morning, but then you remember that tomorrow is Christmas after all and everyone is finishing the Christmas shopping.

You follow Jimin out of the car and you both go inside the city. Every store is meticulously decorated and you can hear the Christmas carols coming out of all and each one of them –inviting you to get in. All of this adding the snow that starts to decorate the city, you feel in complete awe when you walk next to Jimin. You just could imagine how the city looks like in the night, when they turn on lights. It is a complete different world.

Suddenly, the guts of a cold wind strike the city –clothes stick to the body and the hair is a mess, and you can’t help but sneeze. Jimin looks at you, worried.

“Here,” he tugs his scarf off his neck and gently adjusts it around yours, his cologne filling your nostrils and your mind feels dizzy. “There.” He smiles at your dumbfounded expression and he takes the opportunity to take your hand in his, tangling his fingers with yours and pulling you softly so you can keep walking with him along the sidewalk.

A couple of minutes later, you ask again “Jimin, where are you taking me?”

“Here, we just arrived.”

“Here?” You look at your surroundings.

In front of you, there is a café that looks small from outside. The inside is warm and cozy and you feel like home at the very moment you enter. You’re now safe of the wind and the cold weather of the city. Also, the inside is bigger than you imagined. Instead of chairs, there are small sofas around coffee tables, where some people are already occupying. There are tiny lights all over the place –like fireflies, giving the space a soft and beautiful glow. There are astonishing paintings in the walls and a Christmas tree decorates one of the corners of the café. You’re amazed by the place, just for say less.

“Jimin, this place is beautiful.”

“I know, right?” With his hand still tangled with yours, he takes you to an empty table right next to the windows.  

“We found this places a year ago when we were walking in the city. It was around this time of the year.”

“We’ve been here before?”

“Yes,” Jimin says. “Wait, I’ll go for our drinks.” You take a seat in one of the sofas and wait for him.

You look around the place again, still surprised at how beautiful it is and how cozy and comfortable you feel here. Being surrounded by the familiarity of the place makes you remember something, the shadows of the past dancing before your eyes. You glimpse a young Jimin seated in front of you, his red hair is replaced with a bright orange tone. He’s smiling at you and you mirror his expression.

Jimin comes back later, brushing away the shadows that remain in your vision.

“Here,” he places your cup on the table and he sits in front of you. You thank him while you grab the cup between your hands, sighing in delight when it warms up your hands. “I brought your favorite.”

“How do you know it is my favorite?” you stubbornly ask.

“Because I know everything about you.” You snort at that.

You eye him with suspicion before you take a sip of your drink. You moan in pleasure the moment the hot liquid touch your taste buds. You sigh, “Oh. Well, you were right.”

“I told you.” He has a cocky smirk. You raise an eyebrow. You’re still not used to him knowing everything about you better than yourself.

You take two more sips. “No really –Jimin, this is amazing.”

He giggles. “I know, you were freaking out the first time you drank that.”

“I mean, who wouldn’t.”

“True.” He says while he takes a sip of his own drink, sighing in pleasure too at the taste.

“So, this is the special place you wanted to show me.”

“Yes, this place means something to us. We’ve come here so many times I lost count, and I wanted to bring you here before you leave tomorrow to visit your family for the Holiday –like a little Christmas date.” Jimin’s lips turn into a shy smile. “After the accident, we stopped coming.”

How can he be cocky one second and the next he is all shy?

You bite your bottom lip to hide a smirk, but the expression on Jimin’s face tells you’re not doing a good job. “You’re so sweet, thank you for helping me remember this place.”

“I told you I’ll help you on this, didn’t I?”  

After that, you both stay talking about random things. You feel like time flies when you’re with him –but when you check your phone, is just almost 10 am. Jimin orders the both of you waffles – the specialty of the house, after he hears your stomach snarl. Something you didn’t even notice before he pointed out because you were so immersed in the conversation you both had. When the orders of waffles arrive at your table, your stomach snarls loudly again and Jimin chuckles. They were so good that they just disappear off your plate in no time. Now, you both had finished your breakfast and you have another heavenly drink in your hand.

“Jimin?” He hums a response. “I’m sorry for being bitchy earlier in the phone.”

“No, it’s fine. It was my fault, I thought you were already awake.” His shy smile appears again. “You were a morning person before the accident-“

“I still am, but I’ve been stressed lately.”

“Why?”

“I have this melody stuck in my head and apparently there is nothing I can do to get it out. I even touched my cello for the first time.”

“Wait, is it the first time you play your cello since the accident?” You nod. “And how that turned out?”

“I don’t know, it’s weird.” You frown. “Is like I know where to put my fingers but the melody didn’t come out as it was in my head. It didn’t sound the same way.”

“Have you tried to talk to Yoongi about this?”

You sigh, “No.”

“He’s like your partner in music and you were composing a song together. You should ask him. Maybe that is melody you’re looking for.”

“Yes, that’s a good idea. I’ll call him later, thank you.”

“No problem, beautiful.”

Jimin is always happy to help. When your lips turn into a radiant smile, that’s his best reward –his heart jumps in his chest.

“Hey,” you say minutes later. “I have something for you.”

You place a small box on the table, in front of him.

“What is this?” He is genuinely curious. He leans to grab it and he plays with it with his hands.

“Just open it.” He does, his widening with the thing that is inside.

“Y-y…-“ he mumbles, not able to pronounce a coherent sentence. “You bought me a Christmas present?”

“Yes,” you simply reply.

“It’s really beautiful.” He’s grinning.

“I saw it the other day and I thought you would like it,” you say, glad that he liked it. “I know you really like finger rings.”

“I do, yes.” He chuckles, softly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I thought we agreed not to buy Christmas presents this year.”  

You blink rapidly. “We did?” You are surprised.

“Yes. And by ‘we’ I mean ‘you’. I didn’t agree to that.”

“Me? But-“

“You didn’t keep your promise.” He pulls out of his coat a little box and places it on the table with the one you gave him. “And I’m glad to know that because I didn’t, either.”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Just open it,” Jimin repeats your words. And like him earlier, you follow his command. In the moment you open the little box, you’re breathless. Inside the box, there is a necklace and the pendant is a blue butterfly.

Jimin smiles warmly at your reaction. “I chose the pendant as a butterfly because-“

“Because butterflies are my favorite,” you finish for him. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

“Do you know the story? Of the blue butterfly?”

“The blue butterfly represents a life.”

“Yes,” he stands up from his chair. He places himself behind you and takes out the pendant of the box. “Now you have your life in your hands.” He buckles the necklace around your neck. “Depends on you how you want to live it.”

You raise your hand to your neck, touching the butterfly with your fingertips. With your other hand, you reach for Jimin’s hand before he could go to his seat in front you, tugging him to make him stay by your side.

You lift up your head and you press a chest kiss on his cheek, mesmerized by how soft his skin feels against your lips. “Merry Christmas.”

He tangles his fingers with yours and with the other hand he cups your face, kissing you on the forehead. “Merry Christmas, ___.”

After the accident, you were not sure about many things in your life. But, right now, the thing you’re certainly sure is that you hate Jeon Jungkook.

Is New Year’s Eve and somehow Jungkook managed to convince you to throw a party at your place.

“Why in my house?” You asked him the day he told you about his idea. “Why it can’t be in yours?”

“Your house is a little bigger than mine and I’ll do everything. Planning, cleaning, all” he said. “Babe, please.” He fake pouted.

“Ok,” you finally accepted, earning a wide grin of him.

Now your house was full of people, your big house suddenly felt small. People are laughing, screaming, dancing, cheering and having fun. Even when it is winter, you feel suffocated, surrounded by so many people you don’t even know. Your house vibrates with the music. Jungkook got lost a long time ago, Yoongi is having an intense conversation related to music with Namjoon and Hoseok, Jin is in the kitchen again and Jimin has not arrived yet. So, with the excuse of going to look for more snacks, you end hiding in your room.  

Once you’re in your room, you close your door and automatically the music muffles a little. You direct yourself towards your balcony. It’s cold outside –a shiver runs down your spine, but you feel you can finally breathe deeply since the party started a couple of hours ago and you’re relieved. You lean on, resting your arms on the railing. You can see the starts from there and get easily lost in your thoughts. You hide in your room for

You’re distracted to even notice someone just opened the door of your room, the sound of the music coming in through the door until the door is closed again. The sound of footsteps reach your ears but you don’t really put attention to it. Minutes later, you feel someone’s arms snake around your waist pulling you into a tight embrace, a familiar cologne filling your nostrils. Jimin’s lips brush against your cheek in a kiss.  

“Hey, beautiful. Why are you alone in here?”

“Jimin, I didn’t know you were already here.” You turn your head to look at him. “You want to go downstairs?”

“No, it’s okay. I just arrived.” He brushes his nose against your neck, “But, what happened?”

“Nothing, I just felt… Overwhelmed. I just needed to take some fresh air.”

“It’s been a long time since you felt overwhelmed in a party.”

“I know,” you start. “But I feel surrounded by so many people, looking at me like if they were expecting something from me. I don’t recognize their faces, less remember their names. I was just about to have a mental breakdown and then I just run.”

Jimin tightens his arms around you, pressing your back against his chest. “I think I scared Yoongi’s girlfriend. Maybe she thinks I’m crazy now.” You awkwardly laugh and Jimin’s soft chuckles follow it.

“I don’t think you scared her, she’s living this firsthand like any of us because of Yoongi,” he replies. “And you’re not crazy. I think she really cares about you.”

You sigh, “Sometimes I feel like I’m dead weight to any of you.”

“Don’t say that,” he stiffens behind you. “You’ve been through a lot and they don’t fully understand it. Even we don’t fully understand it. I wish I was more helpful.”

“But you were,” you turn around to face him totally, his arms still around your waist. “If it wasn’t for you, my parents, Jungkook and Yoongi, I would be as lost as I was the first time I woke up in the hospital after the accident right now. You’ve been more helpful than you give yourself credit.” You squeeze his arms with your hands, tightly.

You take a moment to admire his face now that you have him in front of you. His eyes are a beautiful tone of brown, so deep you feel you can get lost in them every day and without you complaining about it. His hair is messy again –sign that he brushed his hair out of his forehead with his fingers so many times, and it’s ashy blonde again, the light grey tone completely vanished. You brush his jawline with your fingertips, feeling the softness of his velvety skin and you end caressing his cheek. He smiles then, his whole body relaxing with your touch. He smiles then, his lips turning into his signature breathtaking smile. He leans in, giving you a soft kiss on the tip of your nose.

Suddenly, you’re super aware of the proximity of Jimin’s face and your breath hitches in your throat. You seek his eyes with yours and you realize he’s as affected as you are. He’s looking at your lips and when he lifts his gaze, he doesn’t need to say his question out loud for you to understand what he’s asking.

“Yes,” you whisper. His mouth is so close that practically your lips brush against his own when you reply.  With that, it only takes one second for Jimin to press his velvety lips with yours for the first time in months.

Jimin stays still for a moment, waiting for your reaction. But you don’t push him away. Your mind feels like this is the first time you’re kissing him, but your body knows better. You unconsciously take your hands to his neck –pulling him closer, digging his nape with your fingers. Jimin hums in the kiss, tightening his arms around your waist even more. Is the kind of impossible to say where your body finishes and where Jimin’s body starts.

He starts to move his lips at slowly-paced, against yours. You follow his lead, moving yours in perfect sync with his. Your heart is betting a mile per hour, butterflies filling your stomach. You’re worried that he’ll hear the thumping beat of your heart. But that doesn’t matter. He’s in the same condition as you, his heart beating erratically in his chest due to the emotion of having you in his arms again. Jimin has this way of kissing, so slow yet so firm, that makes your head spin in the delight and your toes curl.

Maybe it’s going to sound exaggerating, but you feel like the hole that was in your chest since the accident is gone, feeling complete for the first time.  

You both make out on your balcony for it looks like hours. A soft and enjoyable kiss that has both sighing in it, neither of you want to stop. Sooner than you both would like, Jimin pulls out. Your lungs aching because of the lack of oxygen.

“Wow,” he says, his breath shallow. “I really missed this.”

You chuckle. “I didn’t know until today, but I missed this too.”

Now that you’re not distracted by Jimin’s lips, you notice something.

“Wait,” Jimin hums. “Why is so quiet?” You no longer hear the music going out of your house.

Jimin is about to answer when you hear almost every soul in your house shout.

“5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!” And the music starts again.

Jimin returns his attention to you, “Wow, the time passes so fast. I arrived here-“

You give him a soft peck on the lips, “Happy New Year.”

He takes a moment to react but then he cups your cheeks with his hands. “Happy New Year,” he whispers against your lips.

January passes in the blink of an eye.

You spoke to Yoongi and, with his help, you now can play the cello as well as your old days, including the melody that was stuck in your mind.

You start going out with Jimin more often. You have your night dates in the meadow, you sometimes have breakfast in the beautiful café you both went for Christmas, or you both just hang out in your house.

One day, in February, Jimin asks you to help him clean and get ready his lake house for the surprise party for Hoseok’s birthday.

“But his birthday is in two weeks,” you say to him that day.

“Exactly,” he simply replies. “He’ll not expect the party because it will not be the exact day of his birthday and it’ll be an actual surprise.”

You frown, “Clever.”

Now you’re both in Jimin’s lake house, hours earlier before the party starts. Jungkook and Taehyung are in charge of distracting him. Before you could start the cleaning part, Jimin had the incredible idea of going out for a quick walk. You agreed without thinking it first. It’s not like you could say no to his pouty face. Plus, you have like more than 3 hours before the party started. Why not?

Everything started pretty well. You walked to the part of the lake –his fingers tangled with yours, enjoying the breathtaking view. The lake is beautiful, the blue water sparkling with the light of the sun and small mountains circle it. In your way there, you spot a couple of more houses that look alike of Jimin’s family. Each one of them surrounded by a small amount of green forest.

Jimin told you about the last time you both were in the lake house and about the many parties that were held in there. You are slowly remembering that your friends are pretty wild. Everything was going fine until it started raining. Rain and cold weather are not a good combination, so you both run to the house.

“Wait here, I’ll go for some dry clothes,” Jimin says the moment you enter the house, both of you soaked to the skin. You leave footprints of water all over the floor.

You wait for Jimin in the living room, shaking. Your teeth are chattering and you can’t feel the limbs of your body. No longer after that, he’s back, with the clothes and some towels with him.

“Here,” you give you something that looks like one of his t-shirts. You quirk an eyebrow. “Yes, I know. I forgot the last time we were here, you took all of your clothes for laundry. But I think one of mine will work.” He gives you a towel, too. You try to dry your hair with it before you go to the bathroom to change your wet clothes. When you get out of the bathroom and return to the living room, Jimin is nowhere to be found. You hear noises in the second floor, so you wait for him in one of the sofas –still drying your hair with the towel. Jimin comes back minutes later. Now, there are blankets in his hands. He changed his clothes too, his wet hair sticking to his forehead.

He sighs, “I couldn’t find any winter clothes but I found this blankets.” He places one of them in your lap. He reaches for one of your hands, “Babe, you’re so cold.” Your teeth are still chattering slightly and a shiver runs down your spine.  You give you a kiss on the back of your hand before he pulls away.

He turns on the fireplace and returns to your sofa, taking one of the blankets and he kneels down on the floor. You follow all his actions with your eyes.

“Come here,” he calls you. “We’ll feel better the heat of the fire from here.”

You check your phone, which you left on the coffee table, and follow his orders. “We still have a couple of hours before the party starts.” You kneel down on the floor next to him.

“I know, we still have time. First, we have to warm you up before you get hypothermia.” He places himself in front of the sofa, his back leaning against it. He opens his legs and palms with his hand the space between them. Your lips tug into a shy smile and you crawl towards him –placing your body between his legs. You lay your back against his chest, your head in the crook of his neck. He adjusts the blankets in the top of your body and snaked his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

You sigh in delight, “This feels really good.” Thanks to the heat of his body and the fire, you slowly feel your limbs again.

He chuckles, “I know.” He tightens his arms around you even more. “You were freezing.”

“Well, you were the one who came up with the idea of going out for a walk.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that it rained.” He digs his fingers into your waist, tickling you.

Your burst into laughter. “No, wait!” He immediately stops but it takes time for you to regain your breath and stop giggling. “It was worth getting wet. This place is amazing.” Even when you can’t see his face, you know he’s smiling. You don’t say anything after that –a comfortable silence falling between you and your boyfriend.

Being in the lake house brings you past memories, a million thoughts clouding your mind. “We’ve been here before,” you say all of sudden.

“Yes, many times.” Jimin rests his chin on your shoulder, his arms still around your waist.

“No, I mean here. In the living room, in this same position.” You crane your neck to look over your shoulder when you hear him gulp.

“You remembered?”

“Yes, I think I did. Just now,” you pull away of the embrace, turning your body to face him.

“What do you remember?” He asks while –without thinking it first, you crawl to his lap, placing your legs on each side of his thighs. His hands are quickly around your waist again.

“We were here, in front of the fireplace. We had fewer clothes than we have right now,” you rest your hands on his shoulders.

Jimin chuckles sheepishly. “It was one time we run away and we stayed here all weekend.” You look at him, curious. “What else do you remember?” Instead of answering him with words, you show him. You link your lips with his in a tender kiss. He hums in surprise but he kisses you back, pulling you closer to him. He gives you the control of the kiss. After a few minutes, you tilt your head to deepen the kiss. You take your time to kiss his top lip and then his bottom lip. Jimin can help but moan softly into the kiss and that makes you smile. He pokes your bottom lip with his tongue, asking for entrance. You don’t open your mouth right away, just enjoying the feeling of his lips pressed against yours. He whines in protest and mumbles something that sounds like ‘please’ against your mouth. You start to giggle but you do what he asks and you open your mouth for him. In no time, his tongue roams all over your mouth and your heart flutters in your chest.

After long minutes, you pull away. “I remembered that.”

“Well, something more happened after that.” You laugh again but he muffles it with his lips when he kisses you again.

He pushes you slightly, helping you to lay on your back on the floor. He places himself on top of you still kissing you. Slowly, all of your clothes start to disappear. One by one, until you’re both bare in front of one another. He lips leave yours and start to kiss your jawline and then your neck –finding easily your soft spots. You play with his locks with your fingers, sometimes tugging them. He wanders all over your body with his lips, earning a couple of soft moans from you. When he finished with his ministrations all over your body, he pushes inside of you. He stays still for a moment to give you the opportunity to get used to him. He takes his mouth to yours again, reconnecting your lips with his. When he thinks you’re ready, he starts to move his hips at a slow pace. It takes no time for both of you to start seeing starts, both of you falling over the edge. His body collapses on top of you and he needs to pull away from the kiss to regain his breath. He lays on the floor next to you and pulls you to his chest. You rest your head on his chest and he rubs your bareback with his fingers.

“Thank you for helping me remember that.”

Both of your breaths are shallow. “It was my pleasure.”

You lay on the floor for more time and you start to get sleepy. “Hey babe, don’t sleep. We need to get ready for the party.”He shakes your body slightly.

You whine, “But I really want to sleep.”

“I know beautiful, but Namjoon and Jin will be here in no time.”

“They what?” You open your eyes widely. “You forgot to tell me that.” You stand up slowly, covering your body with the blanket –leaving Jimin completely bare on the floor.

“I need to take a shower before they get here,” you gather all of your clothes.

“Babe, wait!” He stands up too. “I need to tell you something before you go.”

“What is it?”

He takes a deep breath, taking all of his courage to whisper three words that he feels he’s not told you in a long time. He leans in to rest his forehead with yours, staring directly into your eyes. “I love you.” He closes his eyes after that, waiting for your reaction.

You smile, widely, happy to hear those words. You cup his face with your hands and run your thumbs along his cheeks. You lift your head to give him a soft peck. “I love you too,” you whisper, brushing his lips with yours. When he opens his eyes, you’re running upstairs –his genuinely happy laugh following you to the second floor. 

[zephyroh]

Trimberly Week - Day 1 // Coffee Shop - Read on AO3

‘I think I’m witnessing this girl having a mental breakdown.’

Trini leaned against the counter as she hit ‘send’, then resumed to covertly watch Kim at her table. She had mentioned the girl to Zack briefly after her previous shift. He obviously teased her for having a crush on her — ‘if you had seen her, you’d get it’, she had simply answered, not in the least embarrassed — but she felt the need to share the sight in front of her with him.

Panic! At The Coffee Shop

Trini’s head popped up as she heard the front door of the shop open loudly. She sighed as she put her costumer face on. She had twenty minutes left off her shift and all she wanted was some peace and quiet before going back home.

The coffee shop, located on the campus, was almost empty at this hour. Students usually favored the library rather the shop in the evenings. Except, apparently, for the girl who had just came in, and seemed to be in quite a rush.

She had her head down, phone in hand, and headed straight for the counter without even looking up.

“Hi, I need coffee!”, she announced with a voice that Trini would only describe as “panicked”.

“Yup, that’s usually why people come here.”, Trini simply replied with a bored voice. That made the girl finally look up from her phone, and Trini thanked her habit of always maintaining a perfect composure as well as  her trained poker face because damn she was gorgeous. She was slightly out of breath, short-ish black hair all over the place and soft eyes, despite the panicked look on her face.

She just looked straight at Trini, agape, blinking a few times but without saying a word for a while, before snapping out of it and blurting out, a bit flustered:

“Yeah, right- umm sorry. A large latte, with sugar and soy milk, please. Name’s Kim.”

The barista felt an amused smile growing on her lips at the mess of a girl in front of her. While she was typing the order, and starting to prepare it, she heard the girl’s phone ringing. She couldn’t help but let out a chuckle when she heard “Go! Go! Power Rangers!” blasting out of the device.  

“Jason!”, she practically shouted, picking up the call. “Where the fuck are you? This is an emergency! Like Defcon 5 emergency!”.

As she was stirring up the coffee while pouring the warm milk in it, Trini frowned at the analogy. She was pretty sure that girl had no idea what she was talking about. Her doubts were rapidly confirmed when the girl responded to what her interlocutor was saying – probably the exact same thing Trini was thinking.

“I don’t care about this Defcon shit, it doesn’t even make sense! Bring your ass over here!”. She hung up the phone dramatically, turning to Trini with a desperate sigh. The small girl had to hold back another laugh because she thought her behavior was adorable, but it was probably not the moment to mess with her.

The girl thanked her – and Trini’s stomach was a little too happy at the smile she gave her – before walking to a table, sitting down. And then she proceeded to smash her forehead against the table with a loud whine.

__________________

Kim’s leg was bouncing up and down relentlessly as she was staring at her phone. How long did it take to cross the campus on a fucking bike? She took a long sip of her drink and relished at the sweet taste. She shot a discrete look at the cute barista — she had almost drooled when she had looked up from her phone to order her coffee, and was dead embarrassed at the way she had stopped functioning for a second. She hoped the barista hadn’t noticed, but wasn’t too confident about that

However, losing her means in front of a cute girl was the least of her problems right now. She needed Jason like, yesterday. On cue, the doorbell rang, announcing someone entering the shop. For the third time in ten minutes, Kim’s abruptly turned around on her seat to see who it was. She already had three false hope, and was starting to lose it — well, more than she already had.

Her body flooded with relief at the sight of her best friend’s familiar combo of red jacket and blond hair. As he was approaching, she shot up from her seat and launched herself into his arms, making him almost trip. Taking a step back to balance the weight, Jason laughed into her hair.

“Well, someone’s happy to see me!”

They parted and he took the seat in front of her. Judging by the state of panic of his friend, he asked worriedly. “So, what’s going on Kim? You’re freaking me out a little. Well, more than usual.”

“Okay so, I’m in trouble.”, she answered with a trembling voice. “Like huge trouble. As in more that the time I stole my dad’s car to go to the beach party and crashed it into a street light while drunk. Or more than the time I made you climb up the neighbor’s wall and you broke your leg. Or more than the time we set the couch on fire.”

“The time you set the couch on fire. I vividly remember telling you playing with that many candles was a bad idea. Like all of your ideas actually”, he corrected with a stern tone. Kim merely rolled her eyes, sweeping the comment with a wave of hand. “If you’ve killed someone, I am not taking Billy’s van to help you bury the body, he’d freak if there was blood on it.”, he added in a mocking tone, hoping to calm her down. It didn’t work.

“My parents want to visit next week”, she deadpanned with a grave tone.

Jason raised one eyebrow, expectantly. “… And? It’s not that terrible.”

“Remember when I told you my parents weren’t happy about my choice in college?” Jason nodded, waiting for the follow up. “I actually didn’t tell them I registered here.”

Jason’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He just stared at her, flabbergasted, as she avoided his gaze.

“You— you didn’t tell them you dropped out of med school?”, he whispered strongly, as if Kim’s parents would hear them if he spoke too loudly.

“No, I did not! Why are we whispering?”, she answered in the same tone.

Jason slapped his right palm against his forehead, at loss for words. He knew Kimberly was reckless and often acted without thinking about consequences, but this one took the fucking cake. He rubbed his eyes roughly, and his heart melted at the sight when he re-opened it. Kim looked so desperate, and he knew about her difficult relationship with her parents, so he could understand why she wouldn’t want tell them.

He reached to grab her hands in his own, gently rubbing them with his thumbs to reassure her.

“You’re gonna be alright, okay?”

Kim shot him a small, thankful smile. She knew she could always count on him to help her through awful situations — situations she’d often put herself in.

__________________

Trini rubbed firmly the back of her neck and her shoulders as she looked at the clock. Forty minutes left. Her feet were hurting, and she was having murderous urges after the last customer had complained about his drink for five whole minutes because it wasn’t lukewarm enough. She hated people. All of them. She couldn’t wait to strip out of her uniform and go slouch on Zack’s bed to watch Netflix.

Her heart sank when she heard the doorbell ring and the door open, cursing internally whoever just came in… just to lighten up — always internally of course — when she saw the girl from the other day step in. She still had her leather jacket on, and this time was wearing what Trini made out to be a tank top that let her see the pink of her bra-stripes. She didn’t have to force a smile when the girl reached the counter.

She looked less panicked that the day before, but not very collected either. She was nervously tapping the wooden counter with maroon painted nails as she ordered with a strained voice.

“Hi! A large latte with sugar and soy milk please.”

“Are you sure?” Trini couldn’t stop the words from coming out of her mouth.

“Pardon?”, the girl asked with a confused look, tilting her head — and Trini couldn’t help but notice again how cute she looked.

“No offence, but you look like your heart is about to give out”, the barista explained.

“Yeah, exactly, that’s why I need my coffee.” Trini frowned at the unexpected answered, and the girl continued as to answer the unasked question. “Coffee helps me calm down.”

“Yeaaaah, I’m not sure that’s how it works, physiologically speaking.”

“Well, it works, psychologically speaking, and that’s good enough for me,” she fired back with a wink, and Trini happily gave up the argument.

“For… Kim, right?” Trini congratulated herself when she saw the girl’s pleased – and maybe even flustered – smile.

“Attentive, I like it… Trini.” Trini didn’t know if it was the playful tone, the way Kim leaned on the counter or the smirk on her lips, but she lost her composure for a second and her heart skipped a beat. Thankfully, the girl must have mistaken her little gay panic for confusion because she gestured Trini’s apron. “You have a name tag.”

A minute later, Kim sat at the same table as before, and Trini noticed she was bouncing her leg again. ‘That poor girl must have a stressful life’, she thought. She remembered wondering what she and the blond boy — probably her boyfriend from the way she jumped in his arms, Trini had noted with disappointment — were talking about the last time, because from afar it looked pretty animated.

Trini caught herself staring at Kim for the rest of her shift.

__________________

Kim yawned loudly, covering her mouth with her hand as she tried to smother the shiver running down her spine. She was striding through campus, heading toward what was starting to become her lair. Good wi-fi connection, unlimited amount of food and coffee, and a cute barista to look at, who would ask for more?

She usually went after her last class in the early evening, but this morning she was too tired to function without a little help. Her stress and the thought of seeing her parents soon had kept her up all night; she needed caffeine to get through the day, to stay awake more than to calm her down this time.

She barely tried to hide her smile as she noticed that Trini was behind the counter. Nor did she try to contain her flirty attitude when she ordered her usual drink and a muffin. She also intentionally brushed her fingers against Trini’s when the small girl handed her the receipt. She was almost proud of herself at her successful move when she tripped on her feet as she was turning away, dropping her muffin and almost spilling her drink all over the floor, letting out a loud “Fuck!”.

She sighed out of desperation — she was so done with herself — as she bended over to pick up her muffin, and her mortification only grew stronger when she heard Trini’s light laugh behind her.

She turned and shot her a fake mad look. “Shut up! Not even one word.”, she ordered but couldn’t hold back the embarrassed laugh in her throat.

Trini playfully mimicked zipping her lips before winking, and Kim almost tripped again before settling down at her usual table.

However, her mood considerably darkened when she felt her phone vibrate, the screen reading a text from her mother. “We’ll be here in a couple of days, not sure when yet. Eager to see you. Love, Mom.”

The very same feeling of dread that had kept her up all night crept back into her bones. She dropped her head in her arms with a whine. She was starting to make it a habit of it.

She was joined a few minutes later by Jason, and his ever so calm composure, the opposite of Kim at that moment. He offered her a sympathetic smile when he saw her frantic state.

“Be careful, or you’re gonna get white hair sooner than you should.”, he joked, sitting down to face her. She ignored the comment, reaching to take a sip of her drink. When she put down the cup, she had the most serious look on her face, which was rapidly contradicted by her following words:

“So I thought about my problem, and I’ve come up with the only possible outcome that’ll get me out of this mess.” She paused for dramatic effect, and Jason raised an unimpressed eyebrow, half-convinced by what was going to come next. He knew her too well. “I’m gonna fake my death and move to Canada.”, she finally revealed.

Jason threw his head back, letting out an exasperated groan. He rubbed his forehead, taking a deep breath, then looked back at Kim with a pleading look.

“Kim, when are you gonna learn to take responsibility for your actions. You can’t run away from all your problems.”

“Yes, I can, Mom!”, she mocked. “I can sell the apartment, take the car and never return.”

“You wouldn’t even know how to fake your death!”, he argued before realizing he should not be encouraging this discussion.

“Errrr, yes I would. I’ve watched ‘Gone Girl’ like three time, I’m pretty sure I have the basis covered,” she countered proudly. Jason just threw his arms in the air, at loss for words.

“It’s too early for this, I need coffee. Want a refill?”, he asked as she nodded vigorously.

He returned a few minutes later, with a smirk on his lips and a question in his eyes.

“Kim…,” he teased, “How come the barista knows your name and your coffee order? How many times have you even been here?”

All he got in response was a bashful smile.

__________________

‘I think I’m witnessing this girl having a mental breakdown.’

Trini leaned against the counter as she hit ‘send’, then resumed to covertly watch Kim at her table. She had mentioned the girl to Zack briefly after her previous shift. He obviously teased her for having a crush on her — ‘if you had seen her, you’d get it’, she had simply answered, not in the least embarrassed — but she felt the need to share the sight in front of her with him.

It was eight in the morning — her only morning shift that week since she’d always ask her manager to not put her down for openings — she had not been in a good mood. Trini was not a morning person, and her tolerance for customers decreased exponentially the earlier she had to get up. Except this day, because this morning the beautiful Kim had walked into the shop again, and Trini was not about to complain. Trini was pretty sure the girl had flirted with her, before tripping on her own feet, and Trini had decided she could definitely just watch this girl for an entire day and she’d never be bored.

As if on cue, she witnessed Kim burying her head in her crossed arms with a loud whine — and it was definitely not the first time Trini had heard her make that sound.

‘You should probably not be turned on by that, Crazy Girl :p’ She rolled her eyes at her best friend’s answer.

Trini looked up again to see Kim stretching — her tank top slightly rising to uncover a tanned skin, allowing Trini to catch a glimpse of toned abs —, her hands combing through her hair. Trini’s breath stopped for a second, and she had never been so glad to have a morning shift.

Her mood however deteriorated when the door opened to let the blond boy walk in. She turned and went into the back store to get some coffee beans to grind, and mostly avoid watching the two together. It wasn’t that she was jealous per say, she barely knew Kim. But she had to admit it was a little frustrating to have her flirt with Trini, just to run into her boyfriend’s arms the next minute.

When she got back, he was standing at the counter, waiting patiently with a polite smile. Trini cursed him in her head. She barely nodded her head to acknowledge him, not even bothering to greet him. He didn’t seem to mind or notice.

“I’ll take an espresso, for Jason, and my friend over there would like a refill of-”, he started but Trini mechanically interrupted him.

“Large latte with sugar and soy milk for Kim, got it.”

Jason merely raised his eyebrows in surprise. Then a wide amused grin grew on his lips and he looked delighted for reasons Trini did not understand.

They left a few moments after, all playful and teasing, knocking each other shoulder and Trini felt a pang of jealousy — she had to admit it — when the Jason guy ruffled Kim’s hair as she was giving him a beaming grin.

The rest of the day passed by painfully slowly. She had a long lunch break during which her manager Rita called her. She was sick and couldn’t work today, and they were still understaffed so Trini had to pick up her shift, meaning she was going to have to close the shop. A whole day of work at Krispy Kreme, how wonderful… At least she’d be payed extra. Near the end of the day, she was texting Zack, raging over Blond Perfect Jason and asking if he still had weed for the night when the door opened.

Trini’s secret prayers were answered when she caught sight of Kim’s leather jacket and purple bra-stripes. And when Kim shot her a soft smile, Trini forgot all about Jason. The barista noticed that the girl looked more tired than desperate this time, and Trini couldn’t decide which was better. She didn’t even wait for Kim to place her order to start preparing the drink, and the grateful look on Kim’s face as Trini handed it to her was totally worth it.

“On the house tonight”, she said with a wink. “You come here like twice a day, it’s the least we can do for our most faithful costumer. Besides, you look like you really need it.”

Kim chuckled lightly at the comment. “Is that your way of telling me I don’t look good?”

Trini rolled exaggeratedly her eyes, trying to contain the endeared smile on her lips. “Fishing for compliments now? Like you need anyone to tell you you look ho-good! Tell you you look good”, she stuttered, trying vainly to look detached like she hadn’t just called Kim “hot”.

But then again, the smirk on Kim’s lips was worth it.

Two hour later, Trini was finishing up tidying up behind the counter and preparing to close. When she looked up, she saw Kim was the last person there, crouched over papers and books, two empty cups of coffee lying there and a half eaten cookie.

Trini shamelessly ate her up with her eyes, taking in the way Kim’s hair was falling in front of her eyes, how the girl’s hand mechanically reached to tuck them behind her ears, how she frowned in a terribly cute manner at her books when she was focused. She couldn’t help but notice how red her lips were from biting, and how her hands were always busy playing with her pen.

She was however disturbed in her contemplation when Kim’s phone rang, breaking the bubble the girl was in. Kim picked up her phone, her eyes widening with horror when she saw the ID of the caller. She forcefully put her phone down, screen facing the table, letting it ring and vibrate against the wood.

Concerned as the now too familiar panicked look on the girl, Trini left the counter to approach the table. Kim acknowledged her with a small smile, and Trini noticed the girl was on the verge of hyperventilating.

“Hey, everything’s alright?”, she asked and mentally cursed herself at such a lame question. Everything was obviously not alright.

“I think I’m having a panic attack.”, Kim answered, almost calmly.

“You’d know if you were having one.”

“A small one then!”

“You can’t have ‘small’ panic attacks.”

“I think I have at least one once a day, actually,” she retorted and Trini couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of this girl.

She tentatively reached her hand across the table, brushing against Kim’s finger. Kim immediately turn her wrist to let Trini have access to her palm.

“Wanna talk about it?”, the barista asked with concern. Kim’s eyes were focused on their joined hands, the frown never leaving her face. The phone stopped ringing.

Analyzing the look on Kim’s face as she was studying the way their hands fit together, Trini was starting to think that maybe the girl’s constant state of panic was about that. Not about her specifically, but college was a time where people were starting to discover more about themselves. And the first day, things seemed pretty tense with the Jason guy… Maybe Kim was discovering herself, and she had trouble dealing with it. Trini had to shut down the little voice in her head saying she would love to discover Kim herself.

After a long moment of silence where Trini could almost see the turmoil in Kim’s head, the taller girl finally whispered:

“Have you ever felt so lost that you just want to bury yourself in your bed and never leave for the next decade?”

“About three times a week, yeah,” Trini laughed. Kim’s lips twitched up, but she kept frowning.

“I just– My parents are gonna be in town soon and I have something to tell them. And hell’s gonna break lose. And I’m just not ready for it. “

Trini felt a pang of pain in her chest. She definitely knew what Kim was talking about. She had felt the same thing during high school, never knowing how to talk to her parents about her girlfriends, or her life in general. Now she was away, they never talked much about it, but she felt much better now that she didn’t have to see them every day and carry the weight of it every day. Recently her dad had called her and asked at the end of the conversation if she had “someone” in her life, as opposed to her mother stubbornly asking about “boys”. So, maybe there was hope somewhere.

“Maybe they’ll be more understanding than you think,” she tentatively suggested.

Kim chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah, right. I think they’ll just break out the body bag because they’re gonna straight up murder me.”

“They’re your parents, in their own way, they surely love you. I mean, if they’re coming to visit you at college, which – correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t wanna assume – they paid for, they care about you and your well-being. Maybe it’s not gonna be that bad.”

Kim ran her free hand through her hair – at Trini’s delight – and let out a noncommittal groan. “Yeah, Jason said the same thing…”

Trini frowned at the mention of the boy. But if he gave this advice to Kim, he wasn’t as bad as Trini had think – had hoped.

“They’ll learn to accept yourself as you are. You have to start to accept yourself as well,” Trini continued, and she realized she was still caressing Kim’s hand as she was speaking.

“I guess…” Kim said, unconvinced, a small confused smile as she was having trouble following Trini. “But no offence, considering the – situation”, Kim hesitated, trying to find the right word. “and knowing my parents, I really don’t see that discussion going well.”

“You have to make them understand you’re not gonna change.” Trini squeezed Kim’s hand in comfort. “Besides, it’s not like it was uncommon, and it’s becoming more and more accepted. They’ll get over it, eventually.”, she added with a hopeful tone – half talking to herself as well.

She had felt so alone during high school, thinking she was the only one in the world with those weird feelings, it had been a lifesaver to find LGBT organization and associations in college. Maybe they would help Kim as well.

Kim’s head popped up, meeting Trini’s eyes for the first time of the conversation. This time, she looked completely lost and confused.

“Wait– what?”

Trini noted the edge of panic back in her voice. Maybe she had come in too strong, she thought with guilt.

“Well, you know… the whole gay or bi thing.”, she finally let out.

Kim froze, eyes wide. For a second, Trini thought that she was going to get angry, that she’d panic even more and lash out. However, Kim’s reaction was totally unexpected and took her by surprise.

She threw her head back, laughing with an open throat. Her hand let go of Trini’s as she brought it to her mouth, while the other was gripping her ribs. It took about two whole minutes for Kim’s laughing fist to calm down in front of a very confused Trini.

Kim was wiping tears from her eyes as she started to apologize. “I’m so sorry, I just did not expect that. At all. I didn’t mean to be rude!”, she managed to let out between two giggles, kind of cancelling her apologies. She took a deep breath, effectively calming down. “You thought I was gonna come out to my parents?”, she asked with an amused smile.

Trini covered eyes with one hand, wincing with embarrassment. She felt like a total idiot. “Obviously, I’ve misjudged the situation.”, she stated, scratching her head.

Finally looking up, she felt her humiliation disappear because Kim was smiling gently at her, and was reaching her hand across the table to touch Trini’s hand again.

“Obviously,” Kim laughed softly. “Well not totally. Because I did come out to my parents a while ago. That hasn’t been much of a problem for me actually. I’ve always known I wanted to do like, half the football team as well as half the cheerleading squad.” Trini almost choked with laughter at the casual way Kim was putting it. Kim frowned as she realized the crassy way she formulated it “Hold on, that came out a bit wrong.”

“If that’s how you announced it to your parents, I bet!”

They both laughed, their hand never parting. After a moment of silence, Trini finally asked in a more serious tone:

“So, what do you have to tell your parents?”

“They think I’m in med school. I’ve actually dropped out last year because I hated it, but never told them,” Kim explained, the frown back of her face. “They’re big lawyers, always busy, always on business trip. So they just send me money to compensate. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great not to have to worry about that. But they want me to be this successful surgeon, keep up the family name, but I hated it, I was miserable. So one day, I just dropped out, and registered here.”

“Just like that, on a whim? Just– change college and your entire orientation?”, Trini asked bewilderedly.

“I’ve always been reckless and impulsive, you can ask my best friend Jason!”, Kim laughed in response. Trini interiorly cheered at the mention of “best friend” and suddenly she didn’t hate Jason anymore. “But three days ago, they called and said they wanted to visit, so I’m screwed and I’m probably living my last hours right now.”

Trini laughed at the girl’s dramatic antics. Her heart beating fast in her chest, she returned playfully “I might know a way or two to make them fun.” For an instant, she thought Kim was actually going to die of her heart attack right in front of her.

The girl gasped, then blushed furiously, biting her lips and running her hand in her hair, before finally meeting Trini’s eyes and answering with a sparkle in her eyes: “What are you suggesting?”

“Is your roommate there tonight?” Trini hated herself for breaking the mood, but they would need to be alone to do what she had planned for them, and a roommate would get in the way.

“I’m not living on campus actually, I have an apartment not far from here,” Kim answered breathlessly. She hurried in stuffing her books in her bags, trying and failing to not look flustered.

“Oh, so you really are loaded,” Trini laughed, impressed.

She stood up gesturing the door. “Well, lead the way.”

Kim merely grabbed her extended hand in response.

__________________

“Sorry, dude. Can’t make it tonight, I’ll explain later, promise,” she quickly texted Zack. They had planned their usual hang out night, but at this moment Trini was following Kim – who was still holding her hand – in her building, and she certainly did not have time to be more specific.

Trini had taken the time to get the booze and weed from her car before letting herself be guided by Kim. Five minutes later, there were standing in an elevator, and the tension was palpable. Kim was restless, shifting on her feet while Trini’s gaze couldn’t focus on one thing more than two seconds.

Kim lead her in a hallway, rushing her out of the elevator as soon as it stopped. She let go of Trini’s hand to get her keys from her bag and Trini’s mourned the loss of contact.

Half an hour later, they were sitting down in a dimmed light offered by a single lamp on the table, backs against the couch, a glass of wine in hand, shoulders and knees touching. Trini was focusing on rolling a joint and Kim was watching closely, admiring the work and Trini’s agile fingers – and she was drunk enough to wonder what else those fingers could do.

“You bought this yourself?”, she asked while pointing to the bottles of wine on the floor. Kim’s speech was a bit slurred, and she leaned in a bit more than necessary into Trini.

Without looking away from what she was doing, nor breaking her concentration, Trini answered distractedly: “What, have rich people never heard of fake IDs?”

“Oh no, we have”, Kim said, “I’m just surprised yours works.” That made Trini look away from the half rolled joint, meeting Kim’s eyes with a raised eyebrow. “Fake ID or not, you still kinda look twelve.” She teased and Trini rolled her eyes. As Kim was giggling, proud of her joke, Trini decided Kim was definitely a cute drunk. And she was wondering what high Kim was like.

Trini lighted up the stick as Kim was getting up to put on some music. A slow, sensual song started playing and Trini met with hungry eyes when she looked at Kim to pass her the joint. Her breath quickened as she watch Kim placing the joint between her lips, slowly inhaling and exhaling the smoke and Trini thought she never looked hotter than at this moment.

Soon, the alcohol and the weed were forgotten, kicked to the side as eager lips met and hands were exploring bodies. Kim dragged Trini on her lap, running her tongue on the whimpering girl’s neck. She slid her hands over Trini’s waist, gently rubbing her nails against the skin, raising slowly her shirt, asking for a silent permission. She took the tugging of her hairr and Trini crashing their lips together as a positive answer.

Trini’s shirt fell on the floor, next to an empty bottle of wine and a still smoking joint butt, quickly followed by Kim’s tank top.

Trini was grinding against Kim’s hips and the girl’s moans were all she could hear. Kim was too focused on Trini’s body to noticed anything else.

Therefore, neither of the girls heard jiggling keys in the lock, nor noticed the door opening, nor saw the two persons entering the living room.

The light went up, illuminating the scene.

“Sweety, surpri-AAAAh!”

Everyone froze in shock in horror as they were processing what was happening. Trini was straddling Kim’s laps, both girls shirtless, two bottles of wine on the floor and the room smelling unmistakably of weed.

Kim’s parents jaws were hanging low, mumbling incomprehensible words, before her mother started to gain composure.

But before she could say anything, Kim blurted out.

“I dropped out of med school!”

[jaceheavendale]

Monty 91 and 81 please??

Monty all heart eyes and protective over a girl hits me right in the feels 😭

81. Excuse me for falling in love with you.

91. Sorry I’m protective over the things I love.

Bad habits are hard to break. And she’s got a lot of bad habits. Most of them are harmless- forgetting to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, leaving her belongings all over the house, forgetting to turn off all the lights when she leaves. Sometimes she drinks a little too much, and sometimes she tiptoes the line between adventurous and straight up dangerous. But her worst habit by far is the way she pushes people away to protect herself.

She rolls over, sitting up to slip her shirt back over her head. The bed shifts as Monty props himself up on his arm, watching her put on the clothes he had taken off of her just a little under an hour ago. She hadn’t even bothered to catch her breath before getting ready to take off, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t bother him.

“You got somewhere to be?” he asks, irritation clear in his voice.

“There’s a party downtown,” she replies nonchalantly, yanking her jeans up her legs.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” he snorts, shaking his head in disbelief, “You don’t want to just lay here for like thirty seconds?”

“I thought the whole ‘fuck buddies’ thing didn’t include cuddling after sex,” she notes softly, rising to her feet. 

“Is that what I am to you?” he’s aware that they started this as a hookup situation. No commitment. No nothing. But he’s running on pure emotion right now and he can’t stop himself.

“Oh please, Monty,” she scoffs, “How many disposable sex partners have you had? What number am I?”

She wasn’t wrong exactly. Monty had quite a few friends with benefits, one night stands, repeat hookups, and the like. He wasn’t known for being the boyfriend type. But something about the brilliant girl in his calculus class who completely dominated in flip cup had gotten under his skin. 

“That’s what I thought,” her mouth twists into a faint smile that borderlines sadness.

“Those parties downtown aren’t safe. You know that,” he looks at her in disbelief. The parties in that part of town get real out of hand real fast and it’s easy to get hurt. After all, that’s how they ended up together in the first place. The sight of her amidst a leering crowd of shady individuals nearly gave him a heart attack. The overwhelming need to protect this girl was a new feeling for him, so he stuck with her. 

“Fuck off with that,” she shakes her head. It would be dangerous for her to let herself believe that he might actually care. How stupid she would be to let someone like Montgomery De La Cruz break her heart.

“Sorry I’m protective over the things I love,” he all but yells, fighting the urge to punch the wall in frustration. Now is not the time to lose his cool, but he’s so frustrated.

Her eyes widen as her ears register the word ‘love’. Her calm facade dissolves as her brain processes what the hell just came out of his mouth. This was not part of the plan. Feelings weren’t supposed to be involved, and now she’s  scared because now there’s something to lose.

“That’s not fair,” her voice is starting to get shaky and her eyes are starting to tear up, “Don’t do this to me.”

“Excuse me for falling in love with you,” he sighs, running his hand through his hair.

“Monty, please, don’t,” she brings a hand up to her mouth as the tears slip out, backing up until her back hits the wall.

This was what she was most afraid of. She thought she could never get attached to or care about someone like him. He was an arrogant dick who walked like he was a God and didn’t give a damn about anyone else. But that wasn’t entirely true. Nobody is all good or all bad, it’s never that simple. 

Despite everything she thought she believed, she found light even in the darkest parts of him. And she cared. She cared about this stupid boy with a wicked temper and a reckless mouth. Now here he is, telling her everything she wants to hear, and it scares the hell out of her.

“I don’t understand,” his voice softens immediately as he gets up and walks over to her carefully, “Why are you so upset?”

“You’re gonna tear me apart,” she chokes, biting her lips together to keep from full on sobbing, “You shouldn’t have said anything. It was easier if I thought you didn’t care.”

“No, no I’m not,” he says very softly, “All I ever wanted to do since I saw you at that party three months ago was keep you safe.” He reaches his arm out touch her arm as gingerly as he can. She doesn’t pull away or jerk at his touch, so he gets closer until she’s enveloped in his embrace with her face resting against his chest. 

He brings them down to sit on the bed, letting all of her weight fall onto him. Her hair feels incredibly soft between his fingers and he brushes through it soothingly. She feels so fragile in his arms, like she might shatter if he were to let go. So he tightens his grip.

“Shhh,” he coos, “I’m not gonna hurt you, babe.”

“I’m totally losing my shit,” she sniffles, pulling back just enough to be able to look at him.

“I’m not sure I ever really had my shit in the first place, so I can’t judge,” he jokes, rubbing her back.

“Still think you love me after that shit show?” she rubs her tired eyes.

He takes her face between his hands, kissing her softly before whispering against her lips, “I love you that much more every time I see a new side of you.”

And just like that her worst habit became her biggest blessing.

[ongames]

The Best Instagram Accounts To Follow For Yoga

Maybe you’re already into yoga. Maybe you think it’s not your style.

The truth is that yoga is for everyone ― no matter your size, age or religious preference. Don’t believe us? Scroll through our favorite yoga Instagram accounts. They’ll inspire you to hit the mat and reap the health benefits of the practice, which include reduced stress, increased physical activity and and lower risk of chronic disease.

Check out the list below:

Colleen Saidman Yee, @colleensaidman 

Eka para sirsasana. One foot to head seat. This is a great party trick. But, be careful. You really need to warm up the hips with external rotation such as pigeon and cobblers with forward bends. Practicing poses that really round the spine, like cat and rabbit poses are also good. Try a lunge and work the shoulder underneath the front thigh and maybe contemplate getting your head behind the calf. It's fun. Go slowly and remember our motto @TheYogaShanti... "any amount". #focusfriday

A post shared by C O L L E E N • S A I D M A N (@colleensaidman) on Dec 16, 2016 at 6:44pm PST

Colleen Saidman Yee is an author and international yoga instructor. Designer Donna Karan tapped her and her husband Rodney Yee to help create the Urban Zen’s Integrative Yoga Therapist Program, which brings yoga and eastern healing techniques to hospital patients in the United States.

Valerie Sagun, @biggalyoga

There was a great article my friend @themilitantbaker wrote for @ravishly recently talking about gaining weight. This made me think back to January 2014 when I was practicing yoga the most and felt my most active with biking and practicing. Since then I've definitely gained a lot of the weight back which I'm content with. A lot has happened since then. As Jes had talked about in her article, everything is always consisting changing, one year we can have more time for things, and other years things can take up your time. I know I always get those comments asking why I haven't lost any weight after practicing yoga for the last 5 years. I've never used my practice as a source of weight lose. I personally don't think it should be used for that just because there are so many other elements to practicing yoga. I lost most of my weight back in 2014 because I was biking, which is what I believe was the source of my weight loss, though the reason I biked was because it made me feel free and happy. Losing weight just happened to be a by-product. I've consistently advocated to just do active things just for the enjoyment of it, and not have to obsess about how many pounds you've lost. The more you obsess, the more expectation you put on yourself. That if you didn't do your physical activity something extremely bad will happen to you. Don't worry you'll be fine! You don't need to beat yourself up about it. Those extra pounds are okay! Be content with your body whether you have time for physical activities or life has to happen. We all have complicated lives. When you know you have the drive and time come back to it and be appreciative of yourself. Direct link in description: http://ift.tt/2mjAtoh Also this bikini pic is for @curvesbecomeher after her article for @wearyourvoicemag talking about a photo of herself and friends in bikinis that was taken down. Big and beautiful women rocking bikinis! Bikini outfit by @torridfashion Mat by @liforme

A post shared by Valerie Sagun (@biggalyoga) on Jun 3, 2016 at 12:38pm PDT

Valerie Segun practices yoga, encourages body positivity and shows her 145,000 followers that every body is a “yoga body.” Segun’s Instagram is especially valuable for people who think they can’t get into a challenging posture. She’ll frequently post inversions, such as a shoulder stand, to encourage people with varying body types to try something out of their comfort zone. 

Derrick “DJ” Townsel, @dade2shelby

☝ ️ Spirit making the most of their human experience @dharmayogawheel #RastaYogi #Yoga #OnlyTheAvatar

A post shared by DJ Townsel #RastaYogi (@dade2shelby) on Dec 9, 2016 at 7:40pm PST

DJ Townsel, also known by the hashtag #RastaYogi on social media, is a former NFL athlete who is now a certified personal trainer and a yoga instructor in Florida. Townsel’s mission is to be “an inspiration to thousands who didn’t think a passion for fitness or yoga could be a possibility for them, mainly men and people of color,” according to his blog. 

Rachel Brathen, @yoga_girl

God lives in wild, reckless abandon of structure. Shake things up. Say yes when you normally say no. Break all the rules. Follow your intuition. Travel. Talk to strangers. Laugh out loud. Dance like you don't give a fuck. Yell at the ocean. Hug a tree. Spend all your money. Cry when you feel like it. Be naked more. Eat whatever the hell you want. Quit your job. Start a new one. Speak your mind. Fall in love. Have your heart broken. Fall in love again. Live your life for YOU! You were born a free spirit. Act like it. _______________________________________________________ (found this quote in my notes this morning. feeling just as rebellious today as I did when I first wrote it!) #tbquote #wild #free #love

A post shared by Rachel Brathen (@yoga_girl) on Dec 28, 2016 at 4:46am PST

More than 2 million people follow Rachel Brathen, an international yoga instructor and author who lives in Aruba. Brathen is also founder of OneOEight, a company for web-based yoga classes accessible on your computer, phone or tablet. 

Michael James Wong’s “Boys Of Yoga,” @boysofyoga

We were all born somewhere different, but we are all here together now ✌ #boysofyoga • our BOY @victorchauyoga for @boysofyoga

A post shared by BOYSOFYOGA (@boysofyoga) on Feb 1, 2017 at 3:52am PST

Yoga instructor Michael James Wong created the project Boys of Yoga to get more men into the practice. “Some guys think yoga makes you less of a man,” he wrote of the project on Instagram. “The truth is it makes you a better one.” The Boys of Yoga Instagram feed features photos of men practicing yoga all over the world.

Laura Kasperzak, @laurasykora

We support the @LoveYourMelon organization and the @CUDenverLYMCrew because cancer sucks and we desperately need to find a cure! Love Your Melon is a nationwide organization in over 700 colleges and universities whose mission is to put a hat on every child battling cancer in the US and raise funds to support the fight against childhood cancer. 50% of the net proceeds of each purchase goes to pediatric cancer research and family support. . Pose inspired by @chubbypoptart ❤

A post shared by Laura Kasperzak (@laurasykora) on Feb 8, 2017 at 11:58am PST

More than 1 million people follow Laura Kasperzak for yoga inspiration. She does post solo poses, but often the yoga instructor’s practice is a family affair. Her son, daughter and husband are regulars on her mat and Instagram feed. 

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, @chelsealovesyoga

Still thinking about how you want to begin your New Year? Join me and a room full of beautiful humans tomorrow at @greentreeyogala in Los Angeles There are only a few spots left, so reserve your space today by visiting the link in my bio. • This class is ideal for beginners who are just beginning, returning to, or interested in really getting grounded through accessible movement and breathing exercises. In other words, this is the perfect class for slowing down, grounding, and feeling the breath come alive✨Hope to see you there, #LosAngeles

A post shared by Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts (@chelsealovesyoga) on Dec 31, 2016 at 8:46am PST

Chelsea Jackson Roberts is not only a certified yoga instructor devoted to bringing the wellness benefits of the practice to marginalized communities. Roberts founded Yoga, Literature, and Art camp for teen girls at Spelman College in 2013. 

Briohny Smyth and Dice Iida-Klein, @bryceyoga

"Mutual respect is the foundation of genuine harmony" - The Dalia Lama @actionhiro Wearing @aloyoga

A post shared by Briohny & Dice (@bryceyoga) on Jan 25, 2017 at 9:01pm PST

Co-parents Briohny Smyth and Dice Iida-Klein run yoga teacher trainings, classes and yoga workshops in exotic locations around the world. Their Instagram feed is full of posts from these travels. Next up? Koh-Samui, Thailand in July. Take us with you, please? 

Jessamyn Stanley, @mynameisjessamyn

I almost cried during my interview with @selfmagazine when they asked about my experience with self hate- honestly, it's bizarre to me that I'm perceived as such a confident person when I spent such a huge chunk of my life buried under truly toxic body shame. And it's not like those feelings have completely dissipated- just like anyone, I have ups and downs. And I always roll my eyes whenever people draw the conclusion that yoga is the source of my body confidence. I mean, Instagram is littered with proof that an aggressive yoga asana practice can unintentionally sow the seeds of body negativity. But there's no doubt that yoga has made me stronger- but the physical strength isn't really the point, is it? If you want to watch me get choked up and talk about body shame, click the link in my Instagram header! Photo by @nadyawasylko (Btw, I can't remember who made this sports bikini but I EFFING LOVE IT and need it in every color. I only ever want to practice in my underroos and when the #teamSELF crew said "...are you cool with wearing this?" I almost started frothing at the mouth from excitement. THIS IS WHAT FAT GIRLS WANT. )

A post shared by Jessamyn (@mynameisjessamyn) on Sep 21, 2016 at 2:33pm PDT

More than 280,000 people can’t get enough of Jessamyn Stanley’s Instagram. Stanley is a certified yoga instructor based in North Carolina with a fierce body-positive attitude. Her book, Every Body Yoga, will be published in April 2017.

Caley Alyssa, @caleyalyssa

When things get a little crazy in your life where do you turn for peace, for clarity, for wisdom? What grounds you and illuminates your best course of action? _ For me, it's always nature. Mother Nature has a way of calming the storm (whether it's inside me or outside of me) and creating space for me to see clearly. It allows me a buffer zone to feel into the absolute best course of action to take for me. And to realize that sometimes my path might be very different than those around me. _ Now is a time for wisdom. Now is a time for clarity. Now is the time for you to gather your faculties and walk down YOUR path. Stand up for what you believe in the ways that ring true for you. But stand up either way. Take action either way. Do this with love, and compassion. For others and for yourself.

A post shared by Caley Alyssa (@caleyalyssa) on Jan 29, 2017 at 10:13am PST

Caley Alyssa used yoga to transition out of a nine-to-five job in finance into the career of her dreams. She now teaches yoga classes and retreats around the world. Her Instagram feed features yoga poses (and how to modify them), healthy food and travel. 

Now, if you don’t mind us, we’re going to browse these accounts again and then settle into our Savasana.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

The Best Instagram Accounts To Follow For Yoga published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

[imreviewblog]

The Best Instagram Accounts To Follow For Yoga

Maybe you’re already into yoga. Maybe you think it’s not your style.

The truth is that yoga is for everyone ― no matter your size, age or religious preference. Don’t believe us? Scroll through our favorite yoga Instagram accounts. They’ll inspire you to hit the mat and reap the health benefits of the practice, which include reduced stress, increased physical activity and and lower risk of chronic disease.

Check out the list below:

Colleen Saidman Yee, @colleensaidman 

Eka para sirsasana. One foot to head seat. This is a great party trick. But, be careful. You really need to warm up the hips with external rotation such as pigeon and cobblers with forward bends. Practicing poses that really round the spine, like cat and rabbit poses are also good. Try a lunge and work the shoulder underneath the front thigh and maybe contemplate getting your head behind the calf. It's fun. Go slowly and remember our motto @TheYogaShanti... "any amount". #focusfriday

A post shared by C O L L E E N • S A I D M A N (@colleensaidman) on Dec 16, 2016 at 6:44pm PST

Colleen Saidman Yee is an author and international yoga instructor. Designer Donna Karan tapped her and her husband Rodney Yee to help create the Urban Zen’s Integrative Yoga Therapist Program, which brings yoga and eastern healing techniques to hospital patients in the United States.

Valerie Sagun, @biggalyoga

There was a great article my friend @themilitantbaker wrote for @ravishly recently talking about gaining weight. This made me think back to January 2014 when I was practicing yoga the most and felt my most active with biking and practicing. Since then I've definitely gained a lot of the weight back which I'm content with. A lot has happened since then. As Jes had talked about in her article, everything is always consisting changing, one year we can have more time for things, and other years things can take up your time. I know I always get those comments asking why I haven't lost any weight after practicing yoga for the last 5 years. I've never used my practice as a source of weight lose. I personally don't think it should be used for that just because there are so many other elements to practicing yoga. I lost most of my weight back in 2014 because I was biking, which is what I believe was the source of my weight loss, though the reason I biked was because it made me feel free and happy. Losing weight just happened to be a by-product. I've consistently advocated to just do active things just for the enjoyment of it, and not have to obsess about how many pounds you've lost. The more you obsess, the more expectation you put on yourself. That if you didn't do your physical activity something extremely bad will happen to you. Don't worry you'll be fine! You don't need to beat yourself up about it. Those extra pounds are okay! Be content with your body whether you have time for physical activities or life has to happen. We all have complicated lives. When you know you have the drive and time come back to it and be appreciative of yourself. Direct link in description: http://bit.ly/2lDtx1k Also this bikini pic is for @curvesbecomeher after her article for @wearyourvoicemag talking about a photo of herself and friends in bikinis that was taken down. Big and beautiful women rocking bikinis! Bikini outfit by @torridfashion Mat by @liforme

A post shared by Valerie Sagun (@biggalyoga) on Jun 3, 2016 at 12:38pm PDT

Valerie Segun practices yoga, encourages body positivity and shows her 145,000 followers that every body is a “yoga body.” Segun’s Instagram is especially valuable for people who think they can’t get into a challenging posture. She’ll frequently post inversions, such as a shoulder stand, to encourage people with varying body types to try something out of their comfort zone. 

Derrick “DJ” Townsel, @dade2shelby

☝ ️ Spirit making the most of their human experience @dharmayogawheel #RastaYogi #Yoga #OnlyTheAvatar

A post shared by DJ Townsel #RastaYogi (@dade2shelby) on Dec 9, 2016 at 7:40pm PST

DJ Townsel, also known by the hashtag #RastaYogi on social media, is a former NFL athlete who is now a certified personal trainer and a yoga instructor in Florida. Townsel’s mission is to be “an inspiration to thousands who didn’t think a passion for fitness or yoga could be a possibility for them, mainly men and people of color,” according to his blog. 

Rachel Brathen, @yoga_girl

God lives in wild, reckless abandon of structure. Shake things up. Say yes when you normally say no. Break all the rules. Follow your intuition. Travel. Talk to strangers. Laugh out loud. Dance like you don't give a fuck. Yell at the ocean. Hug a tree. Spend all your money. Cry when you feel like it. Be naked more. Eat whatever the hell you want. Quit your job. Start a new one. Speak your mind. Fall in love. Have your heart broken. Fall in love again. Live your life for YOU! You were born a free spirit. Act like it. _______________________________________________________ (found this quote in my notes this morning. feeling just as rebellious today as I did when I first wrote it!) #tbquote #wild #free #love

A post shared by Rachel Brathen (@yoga_girl) on Dec 28, 2016 at 4:46am PST

More than 2 million people follow Rachel Brathen, an international yoga instructor and author who lives in Aruba. Brathen is also founder of OneOEight, a company for web-based yoga classes accessible on your computer, phone or tablet. 

Michael James Wong’s “Boys Of Yoga,” @boysofyoga

We were all born somewhere different, but we are all here together now ✌ #boysofyoga • our BOY @victorchauyoga for @boysofyoga

A post shared by BOYSOFYOGA (@boysofyoga) on Feb 1, 2017 at 3:52am PST

Yoga instructor Michael James Wong created the project Boys of Yoga to get more men into the practice. “Some guys think yoga makes you less of a man,” he wrote of the project on Instagram. “The truth is it makes you a better one.” The Boys of Yoga Instagram feed features photos of men practicing yoga all over the world.

Laura Kasperzak, @laurasykora

We support the @LoveYourMelon organization and the @CUDenverLYMCrew because cancer sucks and we desperately need to find a cure! Love Your Melon is a nationwide organization in over 700 colleges and universities whose mission is to put a hat on every child battling cancer in the US and raise funds to support the fight against childhood cancer. 50% of the net proceeds of each purchase goes to pediatric cancer research and family support. . Pose inspired by @chubbypoptart ❤

A post shared by Laura Kasperzak (@laurasykora) on Feb 8, 2017 at 11:58am PST

More than 1 million people follow Laura Kasperzak for yoga inspiration. She does post solo poses, but often the yoga instructor’s practice is a family affair. Her son, daughter and husband are regulars on her mat and Instagram feed. 

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, @chelsealovesyoga

Still thinking about how you want to begin your New Year? Join me and a room full of beautiful humans tomorrow at @greentreeyogala in Los Angeles There are only a few spots left, so reserve your space today by visiting the link in my bio. • This class is ideal for beginners who are just beginning, returning to, or interested in really getting grounded through accessible movement and breathing exercises. In other words, this is the perfect class for slowing down, grounding, and feeling the breath come alive✨Hope to see you there, #LosAngeles

A post shared by Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts (@chelsealovesyoga) on Dec 31, 2016 at 8:46am PST

Chelsea Jackson Roberts is not only a certified yoga instructor devoted to bringing the wellness benefits of the practice to marginalized communities. Roberts founded Yoga, Literature, and Art camp for teen girls at Spelman College in 2013. 

Briohny Smyth and Dice Iida-Klein, @bryceyoga

"Mutual respect is the foundation of genuine harmony" - The Dalia Lama @actionhiro Wearing @aloyoga

A post shared by Briohny & Dice (@bryceyoga) on Jan 25, 2017 at 9:01pm PST

Co-parents Briohny Smyth and Dice Iida-Klein run yoga teacher trainings, classes and yoga workshops in exotic locations around the world. Their Instagram feed is full of posts from these travels. Next up? Koh-Samui, Thailand in July. Take us with you, please? 

Jessamyn Stanley, @mynameisjessamyn

I almost cried during my interview with @selfmagazine when they asked about my experience with self hate- honestly, it's bizarre to me that I'm perceived as such a confident person when I spent such a huge chunk of my life buried under truly toxic body shame. And it's not like those feelings have completely dissipated- just like anyone, I have ups and downs. And I always roll my eyes whenever people draw the conclusion that yoga is the source of my body confidence. I mean, Instagram is littered with proof that an aggressive yoga asana practice can unintentionally sow the seeds of body negativity. But there's no doubt that yoga has made me stronger- but the physical strength isn't really the point, is it? If you want to watch me get choked up and talk about body shame, click the link in my Instagram header! Photo by @nadyawasylko (Btw, I can't remember who made this sports bikini but I EFFING LOVE IT and need it in every color. I only ever want to practice in my underroos and when the #teamSELF crew said "...are you cool with wearing this?" I almost started frothing at the mouth from excitement. THIS IS WHAT FAT GIRLS WANT. )

A post shared by Jessamyn (@mynameisjessamyn) on Sep 21, 2016 at 2:33pm PDT

More than 280,000 people can’t get enough of Jessamyn Stanley’s Instagram. Stanley is a certified yoga instructor based in North Carolina with a fierce body-positive attitude. Her book, Every Body Yoga, will be published in April 2017.

Caley Alyssa, @caleyalyssa

When things get a little crazy in your life where do you turn for peace, for clarity, for wisdom? What grounds you and illuminates your best course of action? _ For me, it's always nature. Mother Nature has a way of calming the storm (whether it's inside me or outside of me) and creating space for me to see clearly. It allows me a buffer zone to feel into the absolute best course of action to take for me. And to realize that sometimes my path might be very different than those around me. _ Now is a time for wisdom. Now is a time for clarity. Now is the time for you to gather your faculties and walk down YOUR path. Stand up for what you believe in the ways that ring true for you. But stand up either way. Take action either way. Do this with love, and compassion. For others and for yourself.

A post shared by Caley Alyssa (@caleyalyssa) on Jan 29, 2017 at 10:13am PST

Caley Alyssa used yoga to transition out of a nine-to-five job in finance into the career of her dreams. She now teaches yoga classes and retreats around the world. Her Instagram feed features yoga poses (and how to modify them), healthy food and travel. 

Now, if you don’t mind us, we’re going to browse these accounts again and then settle into our Savasana.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2lDFiVp