#in & out of therapy sm & i cant even learn the basic steps to becoming a decent person?
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#theres a reason i only identify with people who are selfish fucks#im such a selfish. self-centered person it’s astonishing#selfish when it comes to interracting w friends#EXTREMELY selfish when it comes to interracting w my family#if it’s not about me it doesnt exist#i dont do anything for people i care about#i just hurt them and leave it at that#my family goes through so much. all the time. and all i can ever think about is myself#im a little parasite and i KNOW it and i dont do anything to change#i feel guilty & then it’s right back to it#i cant conceptualize beyond myself#i cant do anything for anyone else. i dont WANT to do anything for anyone else. not enough to put in the effort#i genuinely wish my parents had just stuck w my sister#or that their miscarriage kid had turned out#anything to have kept them from producing such a useless. selfish little thing#I cant even kms to make thing easier on all of us bc weve all tricked them into thinking they love me#they deserve better & theyre never going to get it#howd i turn out like this?. ive been like this forever. why didnt someone fix me? why didnt they make me better?#why cant i fix MYSELF?#in & out of therapy sm & i cant even learn the basic steps to becoming a decent person?#one single thing?#augh#it’s so sucky to be the kind of selfish asshole who *wants* to be good.#better to embrace it. or do better. neither of which seem possible for me#//#tw kms#tw miscarriage
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