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#in & out of therapy sm & i cant even learn the basic steps to becoming a decent person?
trainer-blue
·
1 year
Text
vent //
school friends dont look //
//
#theres a reason i only identify with people who are selfish fucks
#im such a selfish. self-centered person it’s astonishing
#selfish when it comes to interracting w friends
#EXTREMELY selfish when it comes to interracting w my family
#if it’s not about me it doesnt exist
#i dont do anything for people i care about
#i just hurt them and leave it at that
#my family goes through so much. all the time. and all i can ever think about is myself
#im a little parasite and i KNOW it and i dont do anything to change
#i feel guilty & then it’s right back to it
#i cant conceptualize beyond myself
#i cant do anything for anyone else. i dont WANT to do anything for anyone else. not enough to put in the effort
#i genuinely wish my parents had just stuck w my sister
#or that their miscarriage kid had turned out
#anything to have kept them from producing such a useless. selfish little thing
#I cant even kms to make thing easier on all of us bc weve all tricked them into thinking they love me
#they deserve better & theyre never going to get it
#howd i turn out like this?. ive been like this forever. why didnt someone fix me? why didnt they make me better?
#why cant i fix MYSELF?
#in & out of therapy sm & i cant even learn the basic steps to becoming a decent person?
#one single thing?
#augh
#it’s so sucky to be the kind of selfish asshole who *wants* to be good.
#better to embrace it. or do better. neither of which seem possible for me
#//
#tw kms
#tw miscarriage
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