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yetanothertaylor · 4 years

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Fuck it, honesty hour

Since I really don’t have anyone in my life to talk to, let’s go to my gooooood friend Tumblr to deal with my inconsequential homosexual bullshit. So.

On top of working from/living at work (however you view current affairs because both feel accurate) and an ongoing pandemic impacting our lives and our normal way of coping through life, I’ve just been either meh as hell, stressed or sad.

Work is stressful. I’ve been hearing “it’ll get better” like I’m a bullied thirteen year old closet case who can’t walk to the choir building without fear for his life again. That’s a fun feeling to experience again. Who needs Agatha Harkness to relive past trauma?

Because of the pandemic, my stress relieving hobbies are nonexistent now. I can kind of still do theatre, but the stress of trying to produce shows during a pandemic and unknown restrictions neutralizes any stress that is relieved.

But most of all (and trust me, I fucking hate that this is what’s controlling my sadness) is how mother fucking lonely I feel. After my last relationship ended with getting socked in the face by my ex and the majority of the LGBTQ+ community in the area taking his side because he’s from here, I’ve felt really fucking shitty for over a damn year. I feel like I haven’t been able to express that feeling without getting attacked on social media for saying “I feel like shit and fuck my ex and his friends for making me feel this way.” It’s as if any ties I had to our community, and I use that term loosely, are severed and burned. They’re done. So yeah, we’re in a pandemic and we should all be suffering through bouts of loneliness and lack of sex right? Wrong. I seem to be the only person in (what’s left of) my friend group not fucking multiple people a week or talking to someone with mutual interest. That is just more fuel to the fire of insecurity. Am I that unappealing and unattractive that nobody wants to talk to me? And I say that at the risk of sounding shallow as hell. Because it feels like the only people who want to interact with me I have zero interest in. There’s no physical attraction, no sense of intellectual connection, and ZERO personality that makes me want to have a conversation with them.

So why am I bitching on Tumblr instead of talking to a friend? Hmmm... let’s see. None of my female friends I feel close enough to to disclose this type of information without concern that I’m talking about a mutual friend. Any of my gay friends (with one glaring exception, stay tuned) that still like me, just wanna fuck me. They’re my friends for one reason or another. I either value the friendship too much, don’t have a romantic connection, or don’t want to pursue a further relationship with them. That’s stressful because I feel like there’s no way to express that stance without sounding like a dick even when they’re being as subtle as an elephant in a minefield about wanting me to fuck them or date them. So I can’t say woah is me to any of them because for SOME REASON they think “I’d fuck you” will make me feel better about feeling unloved and unwanted. Maybe I’m just a fucking asshole, but that just comes across as selfish on their part using my insecurity for their gain. I don’t know.

Oh yeah, the glaring exception. So my roommate is my best fucking friend in the world. We’ve been friends for 7 years, and that’s the longest friendship I’ve honestly ever maintained. So all has been good the past few years we’ve lived together. Our friendship started as FWB in college. For a minute, there was dating potential but neither of us were at a place to seriously consider it. Flash forward a few years, and we’re now housemates. I’ve always secretly harbored feelings for him and used that as a gauge for if it truly liked a guy. I figured it was a safe metric since we’d never be more than friends again. But then he starts flirting with me around the house and we start having random hookups. That titillates stupid Taylor’s feelings. I start hearing the things I’ve dreamed of hearing from him for years. But it’s so infrequent. I know he’s fucking multiple random people when I can barely get a “hello” for someone on Grindr/Tinder/Scruff/Hinge (I’m trying y’all). I’m sitting here in bed after too much Crown feeling down. I feel like my low self esteem has made me his sex toy whenever he can’t get anything better because I’m 15 feet away. It’s just a sucky feeling, and I know I need to address it with him. I just don’t know how to handle it because we’ve never talked about our hookups outside of the heat of the moment.

So yeah, just needed to get that off of my chest. I doubt anyone read that, and if you did I am so very sorry. Maybe sober Taylor will read this and feel some type of way. If you could DM him some positive words of encouragement, I think he’d appreciate it. Sorry.

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tessatechaitea · 7 years

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Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #19

Hal Jordan and His Army of Penises #19.

Oh yeah! Right there! Time dilations subsiding!

I'm so angry about the direction our country is headed right now that I'm sort of willing to die in a nuclear holocaust just so my last words can be, "I told you, you fucking garbage morons!" Obviously Soranik can tell the race of an alien by touching its genitalia. She determines Rip Hunter is human and that he likes smooth jazz. I'm assuming that's the only kind of music that comes out of Yellow Light Construct Headphones. Hal Jordan screams, "Human?!" My guess is Rip is uncircumcised so Hal didn't recognize the massive sea cucumber between his legs. "Where is the little mushroom cap?!" he pondered. Actually, Hal's main concern is that Rip stole the Green Lantern ring from another human. Hal is stupid. We've had decades of comic books detailing just how stupid Hal is. People like to say he's brash or stubborn or pigheaded but he's really just stupid. Do you want some evidence? Everybody now knows Rip Hunter came out of a temporal anomaly (the rings said so!) so there's really no reason to think this human stole this Green Lantern ring from another human. He could be a future Green Lantern, you fucking asshat. I was calling Hal Jordan a fucking asshat but if you thought I was calling you one, just hang on. I'm sure it'll happen sooner or later. Everybody cares about something that I don't give a shit about and sooner or later, I'm going to tear into your favorite thing. Hal fails to "rip" the ring off Rip Hunter's finger so John steps in and says, "Let me do it, Hal! As you know, the Green Lantern Corps is a despotic, fascist, authoritarian organization which means I have the ability to remove the ring from any fucking piece of shit lantern I deem a fuck up and a waste." He then says the override code and steals Rip Hunter's ring. Fuck the Green Lanterns. Although I bet even these cumsharters have health care coverage through their organization.

"Oh shit! So that's what temporal anomaly means!"

Rip Hunter's message from the future is that time has been corrupted and 2047 isn't the way 2047 is supposed to be. But there's still a chance to fix it here in 2017! How many fangenders reading this comic book have just scooted out to the edge of their seat and possibly stuck a hand down the front of their pants at this revelation? If you did, get the fuck off my blog! I am tired — oh so very fucking tired — you know, exhausted — with people traveling through time to fix time. Just knock it off! If the 2047 Rip visited is different than the 2047 than Rip expected then Rip needs to realize he's just in one of the infinite numbers of timelines. You don't go back in time to fix the timeline you're not happy with. You sidestep into a different timeline! One where everything is how you expected it to be! Being that there are infinite numbers of timelines, you're always going to have the timeline that needs fixing. Because it exists right next door the timeline you're happy with. It also exists two timelines down from the timeline where women are allowed to walk around topless. When Rip discovers that it's 2017, he points out that there's still time to fix the future. A few panels later, after only discovering the year, he declares they have one day to save all space and time. Or maybe just the Green Lantern Corps. It's really a toss-up as to which it is since superheroes basically only deal with two kinds of problems in the modern age: save the entire everything or save themselves. Meanwhile, Space Ape and Gorin-sunn aren't as dead as I expected them to be. They have been thoroughly trounced by Prism Beasts and now must suck the dick of some guy with an evil beard and an alternate timeline Nightwing costume. He says he's from the future and that he's going to mend it all. So I guess he's a good guy like Rip just trying to save time! His name is Sarko because Venditti was having a bad day in the imagination booth when he came up with it. Sarko gives Space Ape and Gorin-sunn a future lesson. Apparently the Yellow Lanterns will eventually lay down their rings to pick up Green Lantern rings. That makes sense because who wants police who utilize fear to do their jobs? But apparently Sarko doesn't like that the Sinestro Corps have become antiquated symbols of disgrace and failure. So he's kind of like a guy who sews a Confederate Flag into his jean jacket. He's proud of a heritage he really needs to think twice about. So Sarko has come from a future that he thinks needs changing and Rip has come from an apparently different future that he thinks needs changing. I mean, I suppose this comic book wants the reader to believe that Sarko has already won and the future has been rewritten simply because Sarko came back in time but since Rip came back in time to fix it, why wasn't the future fixed already? Oh, because time travel stories almost always suck logical dick. And don't you dare start explaining it to me in the boring, normal way you're supposed to understand it! I know how writers use time travel and the way they think it works! I don't need your fucking Actually Nerd interpretations to set me straight. I'm reporting the way things should be but they never are because writers write the way readers expect! Or something. Just...just...get off my blog!

Sure, that's how time works. But that's just the way time works! Whatever you do now will be the cause of whatever happens in the future. And guess what? You can't change it! You never did anything except react to Rip Hunter coming back from the future. You never had a different present! So the future is and always has been the aftereffects of whatever you choose to do now thanks to Rip coming back from the future and telling you that you need to change the future. Which can't really be changed since it's just a present that hasn't happened yet.

Look, Kyle brings up the perfect movie to understand time travel. In Terminator, there are no time paradoxes. There are no alternate timelines. There are no futures that can be changed by going into the past. What happens in the future happens exactly because the robots sent a robot into the past and the humans sent a human back to stop it. Without out that happening, no John Conner. But it happened in order to kill John Conner. That's not a paradox. That's a perfectly knit time quilt. Everything always happens the way they happen. One timeline perfectly in sync. So knock it off with all these people from terrible futures coming to the past to fix things and then having the things fixed. It's fucking stupid bullshit. Although! These stories have their own internal logic as well. It's just that they matter a whole lot less than you would think. And when you realize how they work, you realize it's all wasted effort. If Rip Hunter traveled to the past from a 2047 that sucked, he didn't wind up in the 2017 of that particular 2047. His arrival caused a split timeline which changes everything and veers off on its own direction. Which means the 2047 that he came back in time to save still exists and still sucks and will never be saved. But at least they don't have to worry about that asshole Rip Hunter anymore! So see? If time travel works this way, why bother going back in time at all? I suppose to save yourself, if you're not a Time Master who just gallivants all over time creating offshoot timelines like so many bastard children. I mean, sure! If I were in a sucky 2017 (which I totally am), I would absolutely go back in time and arrive in a totally new timeline that will change simply because I'm now a part of it. Although I might have to kill my other self if I want to seamlessly fit in. I suppose that would depend on how far back I went. Suddenly trying to be a twelve year old me probably wouldn't fool many people at this point. The time travel nonsense was over pages ago so I'll stop ranting about it. Eventually, the Prism Beasts descend on Mogo. Hal says to John, "You're a grower, John, but I'm a show-er!" Then he flies off into the sky with his army of penises in an attempt to destroy the Prism Beasts. But as was shown earlier, they're immune to Spectrum Light. So they're like about 95% of everything else in the universe? Immune to the greatest weapon in the universe? And of course the other 5% that is susceptible to Green Lantern light usually get lucky and the rings lose all their charge during the battle. Unsurprisingly to everyone (and especially to Carol Ferris), Hal's penis army fails at its intended job. The Ranking! No change. I'm not sure why I continue to read comic books when a majority of them use common comic book plots that I despise. It's like writers think it's okay to just shorthand every script. "Readers like familiarity! Also it's easy to write a story they've read five hundred times already!" So here we go again. Somebody from the future wants to change the past and somebody else from the future drops by to tell the people of the present, "Hey! There's this future that currently sucks and there's this guy who's the reason for it. You should probably stop him." Then everybody in the present goes, "Okay! Sounds legit!"

#Hal Jordan #Green Lantern Corps #Robert Venditti #V. Ken Marion #Dexter Vines #Dinei Ribeiro

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redlemonz · 7 years

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Day #9

Nothingness again. I furthermore am reaching the conclusive clarity that she's already moving on with her life away from me. And once again, that's great, but when it seems as though it's so easy for the other party - I'm not sure where it leaves me at all in everything, let alone her life. Who am I to her at this very point & what does she feel? It's not something I can question or have any right to for that matter, because it's not my business at all. The reality keeps sinking in that we're not together regardless of how we act towards each other - even if there are aspects of our relationship that feel so unchanged, familiar and comfortable as if we were still best friends, as well as more. But we're not, and the distance continues to inch her away from me which each day that passes. I want nothing more than to see her and be in her presence, even as a friend right now, but that's just one of us at this stage because she's made it clear that I can't come to see her at this point. Meaning, don't interrupt her period of healing and moving on from any leftover thoughts about me in that way, because well, even though she joked about giving it a couple weeks of distance - could it actually be coming to fruition? Am I just another meaningless soul all of a sudden? Well is exactly how I feel unfortunately. Either way, my mind is the culprit of doing this to myself once again - the overthinking & drawing of conclusions that would hurt my heart, and accordingly punish myself in preparation for the potential correctness of my perception upon us. All of our friendly banter and conversation - I've just overly romanticised a bit in my head due to the fact that it makes me so uniquely happy, when really it's just nothing more than as stated - friendly banter and conversation. And the snaps she sends me are unlikely special for just me - I'm probably just part of a generic group who receives them all. Because I'm not actually special.. at all. Not anymore. I smirk at myself, as this dawning revelation (which should've obviously been common, logical sense right?) reminds me yet again, that I'm an idiot. Day 9 - fear of being forgotten At work, mid week - it's gonna be the second social soccer tonight without her. Sucky. She's been a soccer star since she was very young after all (and was of course my shining star also). Still reflecting upon my craziness and stupidity to even think about looking for an alternative job in her town. Dropping everything for a girl who doesn't even want me anymore, after we've fallen apart. What in the world was I even expecting would change? Nothing. She probably still wouldn't even wish to see me even if I were down there, and would ultimately and ironically distance herself even further away from her overly attached past. It's not even about utilising that last hurrah mentality of "what more do I have to lose?". Because there is still much to lose. It would undermine my affection and care for her a friend, and our current after- relationship circumstances, as it implies that is not enough. I've been more than graced and lucky to even still have her in my life the way I do, and part of my mind is telling me to ruin that by taking inevitably non-positive leaps in the wrong direction. Because there's always underlying, yet absolute minuscule hope that we as human beings create for ourselves - fake as it may be. To help us get through. If only I could find a balance between this craziness and leaving things completely into this nothingness I feel. What kind of loser just steps back and watches it all fall apart, even when all the odds are stacked against him? It's not very superhero, or vigilante like, for that matter, of me. It's just not me at all to give up like this so soon. But I'm learning that not being me is a good thing, especially in this case. The fact of the matter is that she wants me to step back and give up, though knowing my otherwise nature. And even it kills me and my principles, I at least have to try.. for her. So I'm the kind of loser who has to keeping reminding himself that this is the best methodology to ensure I'm putting her first, above my own selfish desires. Being human is truly fucked up. Never having the knowledge upon what's right and wrong for certain, with the exception of what your own brain and accordingly, perception, dictates it to be. Just a constant, damned life of learning until it's too late, and you've already missed out on what really matters. What I can visibly identify is wrong is the fist fight that me and one of the three just witnessed outside the mall in our break. Up to 10 teenagers of mixed gender just swinging away at each other - just another fucked up representation upon our society today, and how we devalue each other as human beings. Even more messed up, back in the office, the first question we received upon explaining what just happened, is whether we video recorded it. No - didn't even cross my mind, because it's absolutely stupid and even more messed up. We called the police straightaway and stuck around in a reasonable vicinity, so not to put our own lives in harms way, but to also ensure there was no fatal results. This all just conveys how incredibly mindless people can be - which doesn't rule me out as an exception. Just because I'm not violent in the physical sense to others, doesn't mean I haven't been emotionally or mentally. Which I have been to her and others in the past I suppose, due to my own inability to think and function as a better human being. Because look at me even now - pondering the selfish ways in which I could ultimately screw up her life even more. Though it would never be my purposeful intention ever, acting upon the possibility and risk of that knowledge is just as criminal, maybe even worse when you can grasp an understanding of it. All I know is that I'm not a good person, no matter what I do. Because I either can't do anything right, or can't ever do enough. Just like how I'll probably be a liability in soccer tonight too - not looking forth to the social surroundings, and having to speak to people once more. I don't wish to answer any questions directed me about how I'm doing, and how I'm handling everything that's going on. Which is why I'm probably being an asshole and I'm not responding to a few concerned friends who keep messaging me. I don't want their pity, I have enough an endless supply for myself already in this bottomless pit I keep falling through. I just hate the amount of effort required these days to try and continue to function in every environment Im placed within. I'm not normal and I can't be, and never will be. I've been messed up since much before than I can even bother to remember, and though I've made it this far, my march is slowing down, and my feet are just tired of waking on this burning coal. Football went as expected, nothing much to say. Tried my best to be upbeat (probably too much - many occasions of utilising bad puns than usual - likely subconsciously also inspired by her) to hide any light or visible display of feeling like an outcast from society. The pack still felt empty without her presence. These occasions just continually make me miss her more. Perhaps we wouldn't have gotten smashed either in tonight's game if her goal scoring feet of fire were present. Anyway, so I went home alone after soccer again and got some takeout on the way - reminiscing yet again, and promoting the lonely soul even further. A part of me really has been lost.. it remains with her. Can't put your heart into things as much as you'd like when it's still damaged I suppose. So she snapped me a picture - received my little package in which I sent her some pieces of our city. I can now reveal the very anticlimactic truth that they were simply shells from various different beaches around the City. Also a small pack of chocolate shells to make up for the disappointment and well, feed her addiction (that has been emphasised upon in a previous day). She took it well I guess, because she didn't get mad about it - visibly to me anyway. Hopefully she didn't mind the gesture. Yes I'm still potentially thinking too much about it, and even more so, as a negatively conclusive thought. But hey, pessimism is key right? I mean I've said countless times now that I can never do the right thing, or enough for that matter. Nothing makes a difference in the end - my fate has already been sealed. I'd rather just time hurried up & let me die alone already. It's what I deserve for not being enough, and not being able to live up to anyone's expectations. A constant disappointment who probably peaks at first impression, and then rapidly fades into an oblivion of insignificance and plain, boring, and empty personality with nothing to offer you. Seems as though time isn't necessarily always a healing factor for all, and for me it's certainly more of a time-bomb ticking away rather than a clock. Because as those hands continue to turn, day by day, my acceptance level of my own worthlessness continues to grow.. until the day that bomb finally explodes. Anyway, dark & suicidal themes and thoughts aside (I can assure you and trust that they will remain that way), she also is restarting soccer, or as she calls it, futsal tonight. Late game. You go, goal scorer - all the best. I miss you - and it's sucks that we're slipping away from each other.. but good for you, cutie. That team is lucky to have you on their side, like I once did. Speaking of this absolutely sucky situation of mine (I mean it's all I talk about after all), reflecting back to a work moment today where I conversed with my own previous (and favourite) team leader regarding this general subject. When I say conversed with her, I mean ranted to her and had a 12-year-old salt-spree about love and marriage, and everything I essentially wanted all being an absolute sham, and not being an existing reality for anyone in any situation (thankfully she understands my current circumstances and more importantly, my sense of humour - I'm not purposely a dick to other people, come on). Though I was having a light hearted kid-around about the subject, I started to detach a bit from the simple fairytale of love, and love as a concept at all - as when spoken aloud - you can't help but question the reality further. That maybe such a simple idea such as true love doesn't really exist at all. People just have temporary moments of ultra joy, and well, that's about it. It's just a stupid concept we made up to explain such non-lasting behaviour or feelings. Oh if only I could ever believe any of it - it'd make life so much simpler, wouldn't it? But I can't. She's a constant living proof and reminder to me that true love does exist. And furthermore, it's worth every bit of pain and suffering - before, during, and even after. Her smile is all that matters. Also, I have a wedding to officiate tomorrow evening, so I should probably stop having a tantrum about my own failed love life. At least I can continue to bind others together, even if I'm ultimately left behind on my own.

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tessatechaitea · 7 years

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New Super-man #10

Mmm! A savory Hostess Meat Pie!

The Review! This issue begins with an unforgivable continuity error!

Snakepit attacked Clark Kent! People aren't supposed to remember that Clark Kent is Superman!

Okay, maybe this is forgivable and maybe it also isn't an error. Perhaps this takes place before Superman Reborn. Or perhaps Snakepit just doesn't keep up on the news so he still thinks Clark Kent and Superman are the same person (which they are but he's supposed to not think that anymore thanks to Mr. Mxyzptlk!). Also, who really fucking cares? I totally don't! That hole in my wall was already there from a different time I became really angry at a comic book. This time I didn't get angry at all. On an unrelated note, how do you tell if you've broken your knuckles? Kenan is really impressed by Superman's heat vision. He'd better hope he gets heat vision since he only gets one super power that relates to his eyes. It's either heat vision or x-ray vision. Oh wait. Kenan probably would rather have x-ray vision. For heroic reasons, of course. Kenan opens Lex's Door to Hell again because Kenan is lazy and stupid. He thinks it'll give him super powers but instead all it gives him is loads of demons. Better loads of demons than demon loads! Brozingo! Brozingo is what I say when I make a funny joke for the masses. It's a totally original exclamation! Superman is all, "I'm sort of quoting Indiana Jones!" And Kenan is all, "I'm not!" Then they fight loads of demons. Lex Luthor is dragged to Hell and Superman totally smirks a bit. I saw it! But Master I-Ching dives into Hell to rescue Lex, probably because there's a good chance he'll get a reward. It's the only reason I ever do anything for the greater good. The first thing I think is, "Will making the world a better place for people other than me grant me something in return?" If the answer is possibly yes, I'll do the thing and then tell everybody how I was totally paying it forward and now if somebody wants to pay their forwardness forward toward me, that would be cool. Because that's how it works, right? I hate people who use the phrase "Pay it forward." I guess the only reason to do something kind is in the hopes that you will start some kind of movement of kindness. Which is sort of judgmental and sucky because it's almost like you're obligating the person you did something nice for into having to do something nice as well. At some point, the paying it forward will have to end. At that point, does everybody get angry at the selfish jerk who didn't do something kind after having something kind done unto them? Expecting that response seems kind of like a dick thing to expect. I like to pay it forward with insults. You call somebody an asshole and then you know they're going to be so angry that they'll call somebody else an asshole later! Ha ha! It's like playing anger dominoes. Master I-Ching drives away the demons and saves Lex but they become trapped in Hell when Dinner Party closes the doors behind them. It's proper etiquette! Lex Luthor doesn't mind because it gives him some time to speak with Skeleton In The Closet Superman. The China White Triad flee the scene leaving Superman, The Fla-sh, and New Super-man to locate the Ox-Head and Horse-Face Hell Rings so they can open the door to Hell and rescue Master I-Ching.

That totally makes sense because X-Ray Vision is mainly used to give a person super boners which are located in the thigh region.

Once the doors are reopened, Kong Kenan meets Ox-Head and Horse-Face themselves! They kick out the humans, take back the demons, and return the rings to Hell so nobody can bother them again. But before they do that, Kenan asks them about his parents. They tell him his parents have not arrived in the afterlife. Shocking twist! I mean, at least for his mother. His father was shown earlier being held in a Bacta Tank in the Ministry of Self-Reliance's secret lab. After the battle, Lex kicks Kenan out of his building without even giving Master I-Ching a reward. If only Lex could find somebody who loves him! Superman tells New Super-man that he's going to need his help when Crisis!: Who Causes The Crises? takes place. Then New Super-man goes back to China taking The Fla-sh along. China is going to have the best Justice League ever! And also the cutest. Although they won't be truly great unless they can get themselves a Lo-Bo. The epilogue reveals that Ching Lung is actually Master I-Ching in disguise! He's up to no good while also being up to good! Can he do that?! The Ranking! +1! If you're not reading this comic book, I don't care. Do whatever you want with your life!

#New Super-man #DC Comics #Gene Luen Yang #Viktor Bogdanovic #Jonathan Glapion #Michael Spicer

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