#impoverished upbringing

[fullnightpeace]

The "Whitman Fever" .

[fullnightpeace]

"Jesus!"

[colorfulfoxengineer]

Kid Rebecca Lee,age 14, Revy in her teen years.

[emstefani]

Really though, don't let anyone try to convince you that "ghetto" and "urban" are only terms to describe POC. They so obviously describe white people who reside in those areas too but POC tries so hard to claim it for themselves and then calls racism in retaliation.

[the-official-ceo]

A very underrated part of Phantom Blood is when Dio tearfully pleads that his abused and impoverished upbringing is to blame for his villainy and he only lost sight of what it meant to be good as a result of his alcoholic father, then Speedwagon, a man we can infer has a very similar origin story, emerges from the shadows out if nowhere and says "Nah dude you just fucking suck."

[gallierhouse]

I’m fascinated by the class and wealth difference between Louis and Lestat. Louis is wealthy, but he’s also gens couleurs, and he’s clearly treated as a second-class citizen during the Jim Crow era. But he’s upper class within the Black community of New Orleans; he can trace his lineage (he makes a comment about his grandfather being a free man of color in the pilot, thanks to @avilehungerforyourhammeringheart for the correction, and he identifies himself as Creole) and he’s wealthy. Lestat’s nobility, but he grew up poor enough to be illiterate, and then he came into money from Magnus, and moved to New Orleans portraying himself as a wealthy aesthete. You can see it in their taste. Louis’ taste is fairly conservative, he likes nice things, but he has no great need to cover himself in jewels and flaunt his wealth. Lestat, conversely, flaunts everything he’s got and loves to buy expensive, attention-grabbing things. Claudia’s similar to Lestat. She’s obviously from an impoverished background, so when she gets adopted by Louis and Lestat, she develops a fondness and fascination for the finer things in life. Lestat and Claudia have excessive taste in response to the lack of luxury their childhoods provided them. Distinctions like “nouveau riche” are tasteless as they are classist, but both Lestat and Claudia really act like they are, despite the fact that Lestat’s literal nobility. I don’t really have a point here; it’s just interesting to see how their upbringings manifest in their behavior. It’s especially interesting when it comes to Louis, because he occupies this in between space wherein he’s very privileged in some ways (compared to say, the whores he employs, or someone from Claudia’s background) and violently oppressed in others (Jim Crow, the unbelievable cruelty and racism of people like Alderman Fenwick, the fact he has to sit separately from Lestat in the bus, the fact that Lestat has to be a co-owner for him to have his own business, a million indignities); how he immediately feels more free in Paris, where he’s seen as Creole instead of Black. Then there’s the complication that Louis had to run a brothel to upkeep his family’s lifestyle, which isn’t really the sort of business someone from his social standing should be involved in, which is why he doesn’t talk about it with his family. He’s a survivor. Doing what he has to do to be who he’s supposed to be. Willing to do the dirty work if that’s what it takes to keep things together. I don’t really think of Louis as a social climber because he’s not really attempting to climb social ranks duplicitously as he is interested in amassing capital, but as the lines between class and wealth blur as we move from the twentieth to the twenty first century, he’s clearly carved out a piece of the pie for himself. He started dealing art in Paris, now he’s a millionaire (not quite a billion). When he goes home to New Orleans they call him “sir” instead of “boy.” He’s survived it all.

[borgialucrezia]

"Lizzie has so far kept it very loyal and as traditional as can be. She’s put up with a lot and remains with her husband, but I always think about her reasons for why she would remain in a marriage like that. She was a woman of the streets, and she was impoverished. She came from a very, very hard upbringing and I think it might have been a worry to have to go back to that." — NATASHA O'KEEFFE

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I’ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that’s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"  🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal. 

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

For me, the award for character growth has to go to Jin Xiaobao. 🥇

I know Huai’en has developed so much with regard to emotions—it’s like night and day going back to the first episodes—but overall he’s still mostly the same person. He was always smart, and his moral code was always questionable at best because of his upbringing. The biggest difference there now is that he cares about Xiaobao and makes decisions based on what will hurt him. He’s still okay with watching things burn or sacrificing himself if it will help Xiaobao, though. Not a criticism, just an observation. It’s not entirely fundamentally different from the early Huai’en who said that the world beyond his father’s plans wasn’t his concern and fought like he had a death wish.

Xiaobao, on the other hand, is fundamentally different. He has changed at all levels of development. Hear me out.

At the start, he would throw his affections at anybody who caught his eye in the moment and was extremely fickle. Now, he has been told people will set him up with lovely ladies so he can start a family at least twice, but he doesn’t entertain the notion because he knows there are bigger priorities, like his illness and taking care of his family and friends. Given that one of those offers came at the height of his disdain for Huai’en, it’s unlikely that it boils down to simply being lovesick, though that’s surely part of it. He’s been burned badly by that fickle attraction of his this time, so he’s far more discerning about his priorities. He doesn’t leap back into a relationship with Huai’en; even finding out about him giving up his title and getting the emperor to pardon them sent Xiaobao running to warn him about the trap, not running into his arms. His forgiveness isn’t so easily won anymore because instead of acting on a whim, he’s setting aside emotions and willfulness to emphasize prior experience. He knows his emotions and how he acts on them don’t just impact him anymore, so now his willfulness is tempered by his sense of responsibility.

On the subject of emotions, they were also far less stable and more manipulative before. If he didn’t get the responses he wanted, he’d toss a small fit, and his emotions could be like a rollercoaster at times. (“Pour me some water,” anyone?) He even planned to use that tendency to convince his mother their relationship was all right by turning on the waterworks. Now, he’s far more stable even with everything happening to him. By all accounts, this guy should be an absolute mess. He should have flipped his lid when Que Siming insinuated that he wanted to take Jinbao away—permanently. Instead, he doesn’t fly off the handle at things and takes a moment to think rather than base his responses on assumptions, especially self-centered ones.

Speaking of, he’s not at all self-centered anymore. He has repeatedly made mention of the fact that he can’t be a spoiled young master forever and that there is no going back for him. When confronting his feelings about Huai’en, he mentions his parents now being impoverished and homeless before his own struggles; he even talks about Xiaoyu being taken away and glosses over any sense of betrayal in their relationship in favor of focusing on the general betrayal of taking the account book. Even in moments when he could be justifiably angry with Su Yin for trying to keep him from doing whatever he wants with regard to Huai’en, he takes a step back and seems to consider why Su Yin is doing all this. He doesn’t expect Su Yin’s approach to change with his emotions or whims, given how unreliable he knows those have been before, and tailors his arguments to make it about logic and reason instead.

Another segue! Intellectually, Xiaobao has grown so much. On two occasions, he’s had to ask people to basically use smaller words; he passed the brain cell around with Jinbao and Zhaocai and was quite happy to take custody of it as seldom as possible. He still has moments where he doesn’t pick up on things, like not knowing his idioms or Su Yin’s sarcasm about selling Jinbao going right over his head, but he thinks now. He’s so insulated and protected that sometimes he needs a hint to spark his suspicions, but he thinks. All Que Siming had to say was “dahlia” and “Yuxia,” and Xiaobao was able to put together that something in Su Yin’s story didn’t add up. For someone who was teased about not understanding when he asked what Prince Li wanted Su Yin to return to Annan for, he’s repeatedly put together the intricacies of court politics in light of Huai’en’s identity and Su Yin’s plan with Shaoyu. His reaction is a culmination of all the aforementioned changes: not self-centered enough to make it about him even when he knows it really is, not overly emotional enough to be angry about it when he has plenty of reason, and smart enough to know how to address it in conversation. (Does it stop Su Yin from knocking him the hell out because he didn’t come this far for his little brother to hop back into what he perceives to be an abusive relationship? Nope, but you can see that it still means something to Su Yin to hear him speak that way all the same.)

I’m excited to read the book because a story like this really can’t be fully told in twelve episodes, but as far as his portrayal in the series goes, Xiaobao gets the gold medal in development for me. All of the characters have grown immensely from the start, but for me, Xiaobao is the one who has become the most well-rounded as a person through his experiences—including those unrelated to his relationship with Huai’en. He’s still the sunshine boy, but he knows when to rise and set now rather than burning himself and everyone around him out.

[erisawrites]

How Windbreaker men would be dating women like them

Context: A refresher from the generic trope of grumpy guy x sunshine girl where their lovers share the same traits and personalities as them, causing to bring out something besides their usual behaviour

Pairing: Vinny Hong x f!reader

Content Warning: Mentions of violence, Implied domestic violence, talks of depression, Vinny may be ooc

Word count: 2,160 words

Note: Might do either Hyuk or Minu next

M A S T E R L I S T

The worries of the world he carried on his shoulders was incomparable to the dread pooling in his stomach. The moon had set long ago, street lamps acting as beacons in the pitch darkness, with the faint hue of blue in the horizon indicating the onset of sunrise.

Hours of messaging, calling, searching and panicking, and Vinny still couldn't find her. If anybody told him a year ago that he'd lose sanity trying to search for a woman, he'd simply sneer and shove them aside. Whereas now, he still held the same attitude, except now preferring to shove aside every person who didn't know her whereabouts. True, this is not a fault he can simply blame upon others. A simple beating wasn't going to fix this, so it's imperative he constrained his violence for her sake. For his girlfriend's sake.

It's not hard to guess what could keep her occupied or busy. Vinny could easily discern her innermost workings with just a glimpse into her eyes. Reading one's partner becomes a cakewalk when they are no different from oneself. It was a strikingly unexpected yet expected relationship. Expected, for they shared enough similarities to indulge in their secrets; unexpected, for no matter how far he stretched his hand, she never accepted it.

“Y/N!”,his voice was hoarse from yelling, a volume it had never reached before. That's how terrible the situation had devolved into. The phone call he coaxed out of her friends only revealed a brusque “sports practice”, but this place was too far from the basketball court and much farther from their homes.

Muttering under his breath, his fingers scrawled across the keypad, head swinging sideways as he awaited her voice. He knew things were on the rough patch for her, and while he was upset for not being relied upon, he felt more disheartened by how terribly she must be suffering in carrying the burden in silence.

“Pick up the phone…”,he gasped, eyes beginning to blur, “Please, pick up the phone!”

───※ ·❆· ※───

The night wasn't always kind to the woman. Where people would toss aside their worries and sink into blissful slumber, her insomniac tendencies would keep wide awake with regrets, worries, and nightmares.

It's that same shadow lurking over her sleep that drives her away from the bed daily, urging her to seek sanctuary elsewhere less terrifying. A shadow that culminated from all the burdens and hardships she endured, creating a hellscape she couldn't ever escape from.

A sharp pang climbed up her shins, her busted lips bitten brutally so as to hold back her screams. Her hoarse, weakened screams.

Like one should spend money within their means, perhaps she should have spent her time with different ‘means’. If her impoverished upbringing and suffocating home atmosphere weren't clear enough, then mingling with her affluent sports friends was. Their blatant obliviousness, sheer entitlement and that awful look of pity shot in her direction ….whatever self-disgust she carried only grew heavier.

Maybe she should have held back today. But anger was the only way she dealt with others’ pity. Something further exploited by those other spoiled school idiots whenever they wanna play stupid games.

Well, play stupid games and she'll give them stupid prizes.

More cramps pierced her thighs, eliciting a grunt.

And maybe she shared part of the prize with herself….

It was the same cycle she'd become habituated to since elementary. The crappy neighborhood certainly instilled its pupils with the most ‘polished’ values, thus accounting for the playground getting transformed into one for execution. It was the hot-spot where disadvantaged girls get paraded around as playthings by the rich brats. Be it in finances, or in health, or even in family, luck comically deprived her of all of these privileges.

Of the many pitfalls gorging her life path were the screams of anguish and drunken hurls of alcohol bottles. Memories of dark shivering nights next to beaten family members and the looming threat of being the next punching bag was what fueled her hatred. One can get over a heartbreak, a bullying crowd, or even failure in an exam, but they can never move past the broken household they grew up in. She couldn't move past it.

Times have changed now, with her mother earning substantially better to enroll her somewhere less destitute, but people never change. Every once in a while she'll cross paths with her old classmates, cross paths with her old darkness, those early nightmares, those memories that haunted her sleep no matter how hard she battled against them.

But she'd gone overboard now, ignoring the repetitive lullaby of her phone. No doubt Sa-rang's brothers flew to her rescue, instantly captivated by her victim complex, and were ready to hurl the first hammer into her shins. She didn't have to guess how they got her number, having long stopped changing SIM cards knowing she'll be tracked down anyways.

The moonless night swirled a hurried breeze in the streets, a wind speed so high as if it were a warning indicator. How many warning indicators had she taken for granted in her life? How many opportunities to back out or resolve situations did she overlook? This patheticness….it was all really her fault this time, wasn't it?

Something burned her eye, sealing her lids shut as tears pierced her vision. Of course it was her fault, always her fault. She was gullible to chuck her troubles onto others. Doesn't she get it yet? The hardships in life were birthed alongside her soul, permanently inscribed into her bad luck.

Her head hung between her knees, the blood coalescing with tears and dampening her already wet cheeks. In no time would Sarang and her minions stride over with baseball bats and golf clubs. Thus, she had to get up and flee or face the music as a one man army. If she's gonna die a dog's death today, at least her mother will benefit with one less mouth to fee–

“Y/N!”

Her head snapped in shock, squinting through bleary eyes suspiciously in search of the voice. Did she just hear what she thought she heard? So late into the night? In such a junkyard of space? Her spine straightened, knees rising upwards as her body positioned into a cautious stance. She highly doubted he'd care enough to–

“Y/N there you are!”,rapid huffs mixed with hard stomps, “Man, what happened to you?”

She gaped shell-shocked, half-surprised to see him of all people and half-uneasy by what reaction he'll give, “Vinny….how did you–”

“Not important.”,within an instant, his hands roamed her upper body and legs, scanning for the severity of her wounds, “Crap, Y/N, who ganged up on you? Tell me their freaking names and numbers.”

The fury alighting his eyes was unmistakable. It was Vinny. Her Vinny. The impassive man kept in the dark about her antics, so how did he find her–?

Her blackened eyes bulged, glancing at her cracked phone. No way….did he just blindly listen until he found her? And what got into him to get all worked up? Suddenly, she found herself with more questions than answers.

Thankfully Vinny began clarifying them, “I called your mom since you haven't been answering me.”,he huffed, pushing hands atop a fresh gash, eliciting a wince as he stopped the bleeding, “Then I found out you are ignoring her too. Ignoring your basketball practice. And your teacher's calls.”

“That pervert's still after me….”,she huffed, prompting a concerned frown.

“I called everyone I could.”,he stressed, brows furrowed in vexation, “And when I caught wind of some scuffle, I came running as fast as I could.”

A weak chuckle drummed in her chest, “What, you're my superman now, to come rescue me?”

“Boyfriend.”,he bellowed, voice deep and stern, as if struggling to contain his overflowing desperation, “I'm your boyfriend who you should depend on to save you from anything!”

“Drop the act Vinny…”,her gaze moved past the man, fixed onto the splattered wall faintly lit by a street lamp, a light so pale it seemed to be dying, “Go play house with a better woman….I'm not the girl you should keep around.”

“What are you talking about?”,he guffawed, sweeping her damp hair to reveal more concealed bruises, “You're half beaten, half alive and asking to break up?”

A dead pair of bloodshot eyes fixed onto Vinny's, making him shudder momentarily. “Go live your life, Yubin.”,her whisper was deep and hollow, carrying an emptiness she might sink into, “Go before I hurt you too.”

The monotonous hum of flickering street lamps filled the silence, mixed with the rapid huffs of a frantic man and his morose, reclusive woman.

Her joints groaned as she moved, but a fierce hand blocked her path, “No.”

This same fight again. She didn't bother slapping off his hand from her knee, lips parted in retort, before he beat her to it.”Don't feed me that crap again, Y/N. You think you're the only one suffering? You don't even know real suffering.”

“So you’re gonna become some trauma police, right?”,her teeth gritted dangerously, “Must be nice being a man in this trash hole, at least you co–”

“Real suffering is when you let yourself be killed by loneliness. A real suffering that I had to survive through day and night.”

Her face morphed into a dumbfounded look, jaw loosened as she gaped in confusion, “Suffering?”

“It's obvious, isn't it?”,he inquired quietly, almost looking ashamed. Though nothing was revealed about Vinny's situation explicitly, in the few hospital emergencies that occurred while they dated hinted at a turbulent upbringing that he continuously breaks out from daily. Where she once linked his overzealous passion to just teenage hormones, was actually a desperation to escape from his hardships. And these were those hardships that sounded awfully familiar to her ears. It was very obvious, though very unspoken of.

“From all that I had to deal with.”,his hands paused at her ankles, having fully inspected all wounds, “You know what was the worst one?”

He raised terror-stricken eyes to her solemn ones, stealing away her breath. “That I spent all of them in silence, and risked ruining my life all because I was too prideful to ask for help.”

“You turned out well still…”

“Cause Sung was there.”,his voice was sharp and defensive, “Minu, Dom, Jay and even those sponsor freaks…but especially you.”

Again. Something stung her eyes.

His hand met hers, caressing bloodied fingers, “You were there that motivated me, that continued to push me.I don't care or know what will become of me but…but if I could become a capable man for you, I know I've succeeded.”

Her chest gradually rose rapidly, confusion whirling a storm of emotions in her heart. What was going on?

“Because Y/N,”,his face inched closer, the shadows casting a protective cape over his sharp features, “You are the only capable woman for me, the only resilient, trustworthy and beautiful woman who I want to spend a lifetime with.” Maybe she was imagining things, but his voice began to crack. And her vision started to blur, “I don't care what trash hole of a life you lived, I couldn't care less….when I could understand all of it.”

Her hand, which he held, was pushed against his chest, against his rattling, fervent heart, “Because you understood me too, right? You accepted me nonetheless too, right?”

“Vinny….”,her heart clogged her throat, hands trembling as she croaked, “I'm not a good person.”

“And I'm worse.”,his voice trembled, lips quivering, “But I still want you too.” His head softly collided with her forehead, a weak whisper escaping, “And I still love you too.”

Then the pandora's box opened, and the tsunami of emotions crashed out of her lungs, erupting into uncontrollable cries as she slumped into his embrace, consoled by strong arms that didn't abandon her for once.

It was as if all the physical and emotional pain she endured endlessly tipped over all at once, emptying her heart out on some rotting alley in the middle of the night, the only comforting night.

“I got you, Y/N, don't worry.”,he whispered in a soothing voice. His arms caged her body delicately, guiding her weakened limbs to his motorcycle, “Just sleep over at my place for the night.”

“You're too nice, Vinny…”,her lips straightened in a grim frown, to which he responded with a sympathetic smile

“We'll work through everything, don't worry.”

She sneered in disbelief, weakly glaring at his back as they drove off the deteriorated streets. At this rate, worry has become her middle name, a stress that has followed her in all walks of life. Not a moment did she spend afraid of what the future might entail like for her.

But just for tonight, as she locked arms around his waist, and nuzzled a busted chin on his shoulder, just for tonight, she brushed aside her worries, and sank into deep, peaceful, undisturbed sleep.

[fullnightpeace]

Volume 11 ft. Revy.

[cosmicjoke]

How Attack on Titan Speaks to Nature over Nurture

I think one of the themes of AoT is this idea of how our nature's are the things that really drive us to be who we are, and to do the things we do, rather than the circumstances of our lives. Not in all cases, but in general.

Nature versus nurture is a long standing conversation, of course, a constant argument when trying to understand what motivates us and what shapes us. Is it our nature, who we're born as, or is it our experiences and the environment we're born into? This can be asked of humanity in general, and this idea is demonstrated by the end of the story, that humanity as a whole is, by nature, a warring, tribal, violent species. That humans cannot, ultimately, overcome their own natures.

AoT takes the stance, by and large, that it's our natures that define us, over whatever experiences nurtured us, and I think that particular theme is most clearly embodied by Levi and Eren. We can understand it best by contrasting them, and their lives, and seeing where it is they end up.

If one was to take the stance that it's nurture which defines us, then by logic, we would see Levi becoming a monster, and Eren becoming a hero.

Levi had a devastatingly hard life. Born into extreme poverty and deprivation. He watched his mother die in front of him from an illness likely contracted from her life as a sex worker, and he nearly followed her from starvation. The only person who came to help him, in the end, was a serial killer who did his best to instill his own lack of empathy for human life into Levi, before abandoning him on the streets of the most dangerous and desperate place behind the walls, a place where Levi would have had to engage in morally dubious behavior simply to stay alive.

And then there's Eren, born on the surface, into a loving family, a doctor for a father and a doting mother, two parents who cared and provided for him, and a sister in Mikasa who followed him like a shadow and protected him, the only danger he ever encountered being the fights he himself would start with other children.

And yet, despite the circumstances of each of their respective lives, it's Levi who became a hero, and Eren who became a monster.

In the end, Eren isn't able to overcome his monstrous nature. He cares for and loves his friends, genuinely, but his childish nature, his selfish nature, is ultimately what dictates his course and actions and who and what he becomes. His life was privileged, but it wasn't enough to turn him away from his destructive and violent inclinations. We see Eren for the last time, truly, sitting in a pool of human blood, hair and teeth, amidst the victims of his selfishness and monstrosity.

And in the end, for Levi, his nature wins out over the desperate and violent circumstances of his birth, childhood and young adulthood. Levi's nature wins out over the legacy of violence and cruelty he was born into to become a selfless and caring man. His life was impoverished and deprived, filled with brutiality, but it wasn't enough to turn him away from his naturally gentle compassion and kindness. We see Levi for the last time sitting amongst a group of children, handing them candy out of a box, amidst their smiles and laughter.

Each case highlights nature over nurture.

Both Eren's and Levi's natures win out over their circumstances. Through these two characters especially we see how our natures, not our upbringings, are what decide for us how we'll turn out. We don't become good or bad people based solely on our experiences. We may do bad things, we may have to commit bad acts in response to otherwise unwinnable situations, engage in violence in order to survive, but those acts in and of themselves don't determine who we are, and those circumstances don't act as an excuse for what sort of people we are in our hearts.

Essentially, Attack on Titan shows us how each person is, ultimately, responsible for their own choices, their own actions, their own being. Whether you're the type of person to do the right thing when the time comes, or the type of person to do the wrong thing, isn't decided by how you were treated, but by who you are.

[colorfulfoxengineer]

14 year old Rebecca.

[juniorfor2]

Ok, so for some reason I was under the assumption that Nettles’ most important part of the story in F&B was around racism and classism. Turns out I was wrong, my bad - it’s actually how a black character gets in between two white people. That’s absolutelyonehundredpercentnodoubt her most thematically important part of the story - it’s certainly not about the way she grew up, or how that upbringing cultivated her cleverness in claiming a wild dragon, or how she was constantly discredited by the maesters because she was black. Nope, it’s her (not even confirmed) love story.

I mean, I thought we were all mad Nettles was cut because it erased a thematically important character that showed that race obviously didn’t matter in order to claim/access incredible things. But for some reason, the FIRST thing I see on every post is that it was a terrible decision because it cut out Nettles’ potentially romantic relationship with a 50 year old white dude. And somehow that’s not racist.

Why is the not-even-confirmed part of her storyline the most important? Why is her love story the most important? Why is her getting between two white people the most important? What is it about that part of her storyline that’s so thematically needed? Because as far as I can see, if she turned out to be Daemon’s daughter, it STILL wouldn’t erase her importance. She would be just as needed, regardless of whether or not she was Daemon’s lover or daughter.

You know what did matter when she was cut out? The part that proved that race did not determine anything about inferiority/superiority. The part that said that a young, impoverished girl could do what no one else did - claim a wild dragon not only because of blood, but because of cleverness and patience. The part that proved that bastards were not born disloyal or cruel or dumb. The part where GRRM asks the reader to look past the maesters’ narrative, and question why they hate her so much. She’s not there for long, but she’s important. Her potential love story just doesn’t have anything to do with that importance.

[xenosagaepisodeone]

mild observations from the hagio moto/hideaki anno interview

this is the first mention I've ever seen of anno's upbringing straight from the horse's mouth. I always assumed that he was private about his early life for his own reasons, so it's fascinating to see him describe his upbringing as unremarkably normal, albeit a bit impoverished. it's also kind of nice finding out that the reason he let all those grade school kids dunk on him during that one tv interview was because he's deathly afraid of accidentally hurting a child's feelings.

concurrent with that its actually crazy to see him acknowledge that he views miyazaki in something of a fatherlike capacity and also sees him as someone whose approval he vys for. for years it was speculated that a lot of the negative emotions channeled into nge stemmed from his time working directly under miyazaki in his time at studio ghibli- in particular shinji/gendo and rei/gendo's relationships...and he just admits it here. Fun fact: miyazaki stole anno's SDAT player during the development of Nausicaa so he could listen to a particular song on loop, broke it by accident and then gave it back to him.

I loved the "otakus are uncool" conversation because it runs entirely in conflict to anno's temperament in the whole interview. he opens by gushing about much of a fan he is of hagio moto's work, how much he loves her sense of style and direction, and he even asks her when the next volume of A Cruel God Reigns is releasing. she provides a cool perspective on nge, but he's literally talking to her from the perspective of a fan! "otaku are uncool" but its the only thing he can be. when he calls The Matrix uncool (much to hagio and sato's surprise) it almost felt like reflexive self depreciation.

hagio's manager stepping in to stop her from talking about her mother was funny. girl we Know.

[thefreakandthehair]

(this is not at all based on my personal experience this week with a water main break and myself having grown up as a trailer park kid and my fiance as... not)

----

It's 2006 when Eddie and Steve buy a small little 2-bedroom house and all is going well until there's a water main break in their neighborhood. Thankfully, it's fixed quickly but there's something called a "boil water precaution" until the water company tests for bacteria, etc. The recording instructs them not to drink, consume, or really use the water much at all until they receive a follow-up with an all-clear. Steve has no idea what the fuck is happening or what that even means; meanwhile, Eddie just sighs, shoves himself off the couch, and trudges into the kitchen.

"What-- what are you doing, Ed?" Steve stares, confused, in the doorway of the kitchen. Eddie's got three big pots out, filling them with water from the tap, and sets them all to high heat on the stovetop.

"Boiling water? You heard the same automated call I did, right?" Eddie stares back at Steve, equally as confused but for different reasons.

"But, why don't I just, I dunno, go to the store and get a couple packs of water bottles? Or a big jug?"

Eddie freezes on the spot-- in all the many, many times he'd seen his folks and then Wayne boil water for him to drink, he'd never considered that as an option because it was never proposed as an option. Money was tight, boiling water was free, and that was simple math.

"I-- well, yeah. Huh. I guess, yeah, I guess we could do that." Eddie chuckles to himself, turning the burners off and feeling a slight sting of embarrassment. It's been years now, and he knows that Steve doesn't look down on him for his upbringing but reminders like this of how impoverished his childhood was compared to Steve's will always hit that tender spot in his chest.

Steve clocks the lack of eye contact, the soft voice, the hunched shoulders when he starts emptying pots over the dirty dishes they'd meant to wash but would now have to wait. He crosses the threshold of their little peach kitchen ("we are painting this room immediately, Steve") and takes the pot from Eddie's hands, pouring the rest out himself.

"Y'know, it's actually pretty cool that you know how to do shit like that. Make something from nothing, fix problems."

Eddie rolls his eyes, just a touch. "You do too, I was with you through the whole almost-apocalypse thing, remember?"

Steve huffs out of his nose. Of course he remembers that. That's how they'd ended up here in the first place, but that's not his point. Once the last of the three pots is emptied, Steve pulls Eddie into him, hugging him so tight and swaying him side to side until Eddie finally laughs.

"Y'know I love you, right?"

Eddie pushes back just enough to look at Steve with his warm eyes, salt and peppery hair starting to crop up just at his temple, and arms still wound tight around his waist.

And yeah, there are a few things Eddie Munson knows for sure: boil water if the pressure was cut off for too long, a can of beans and white rice make a damn good meal, and Steve Harrington? Well, Steve Harrington loves him.