#important and it just wasnt fully there. but still much better than many other attempts lately

[themyscirah]

My Suicide Squad review from locg ✌️

( 2.5/5 ⭐️ )

Last sentence got cut off a bit but I just said I saw a few similarities between Dreamer and the role Nightshade had in the Ostrander + Yale run in terms of powers & some team dynamics

[angelicmichael]

Imminient Annihilation sounds so dope - Chapter Ten

Michael Langdon X Reader

Summary: Reader and Michael continue to work through their issues and finally start to warm up to each other even further. 

Words: 5.9k+ …oops

Warnings: just normal IA warnings (swear words, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, enemies to lovers, slowburn, etc) anddd maybeee a bit of fluff 👁

A/N: hey guys! Sorry I haven’t updated this in a few months but hopefully this is satisfactory hehe. This chapter is kinda a turning point in the fic so I hope u guys like it!! Also I watched Jennifer’s Body as I finished this so.. do what u must w that information 😌 djdjd

Previous Chapter

Rain was never something you were accustomed too. Spending so much time in Los Angeles had made you partially spoiled when it came to the weather - which is why you knew immediately your day was going to be shit when you woke up to rain.

You tried to convince yourself that the emotions you were feeling weren’t complete disdain but rather just a pessimistic version of indifference.. or that’s what you hoped anyway.

You knew realistically that your day wasn’t already doomed before it even started; and that the rain was nothing more than a mere inconvenience.. However; you still felt justified in complaining, considering today was the day you were ripping the band-aide off and moving in to the apartment Michael had oh so graciously chosen to give you.

Your pessimistic mood surrounding the entire situation was inevitable, and that was something you didn’t even bother to resist or fight. It didn’t take long for your thoughts to quickly go south as you quickly packed. Hatred that seemingly came out of nowhere (but that you realistically knew was only temporarily dormant) wasted no time in blinding your judgement - making you feel a nearly nauseating amount of jealousy and anger for people who actually seemed to be fucking happy in their relationships and werent forced into.. whatever shitty living situation you knew you were bound to find yourself in.

An apartment with no strings attached was way too fucking simple, and you knew it was too good to be true. You knew you were basically walking into a trap, and for what reason were you doing that so willingly? Just so that maybe Michael could start to tolerate you? You resented yourself for even agreeing to this but you also understood you really had no other option.

However; personal feelings aside.. you still had a mission to accomplish. You still had to attempt to seduce Michael, and even though you were doing a shit job at that so far - you still had to try. You knew realistically it was only a matter of time before Cordelia would ask about the progress you've made, and you would have to tell her something.

You had to do this.

That's why you were (semi) blindly choosing to move in to a building you knew you absoluetly couldnt afford; and why you were sucking up your pride and choosing to become semi reliant on Michael.

No one from the coven knew, and for the time being you intended to keep it that way. After all, even though Mallory didnt exactly know that Michael gave you a whole ass fucking apartment - your sure she probably suspected that something important happened between you and Michael just from the short conversation you three harbored together. But for the time being, you didnt have to worry about that. You had bigger things that were on your mind.. like the actual apartment door itself that you currently stood in front of.

You held the keys limply in your hand, your bag slumped next to you as you procrastinated something as fucking simple as opening a door. How pathetic.

You continued to stall in the hallway regardless - thankful there was no one passing through to witness how ridiculous you looked. Your gaze fell south down to your keys which were cold in your hand. Dripping slowly with the subtle rainwater that managed to linger on them, along with the rest of your clothes.

Your skin stung from the cold that seemed stubborn to leave, and a nice change of clothes and a hot shower wouldnt be the absolute worst thing in the world..

Fuck.

You bit your lip in order to prevent letting the profanity from rolling off your tongue. Quickly getting a better grip on the keys (which only made you somehow colder) and numbly, hastily unlocking the door.

You pushed it open, letting the door hit the wall and taking a few steps inside before dropping your bag to the floor.. as well as your jaw.

No words could possibly convey how you felt as you noticed how the room was already illuminated with not only natural light from the already huge windows you could see.. but also with a warm, yellow artificial glow.

Was someone already here?

What the fuck?

The hatred and resentment you previously felt toward others earlier rapidly started to return - except this time it was targeted at one very specific person.

It didnt even register in your mind that the light could've been left on by accident or that people besides Michael actually existed that could be present in the room but.. you didnt care. Anger was the only emotion that was solely present in your body as you fully abandoned your bag by the door. Advancing forward; and only feeling more shock and disbelief with every step you took at the thought that he could very possibly be in (what was supposed to be) your space.

"Michael, I swear to God-"

"Y/n?” said a soft, feminine voice.

It was practically automatic how you froze. Just getting close enough to notice that it wasn’t Michael after all that was on your bed in your new studio apartment, but a woman sat on your bed instead.

For about two seconds, you were scared it was Madison but.. that was a stupid assumption within itself. The company you were with was from a far different nature than of which Madison was, even though at first glance the two woman might look or sound similar. There were so many qualities that distinguished Mallory from Madison. Brown, auburn hair.. dark eyeshadow.. and her classic black boots. It didn’t take long for your anger to fade away as you tried to not think about how logically this still didn’t make sense - walking closer to your bed anyway.

"How did you get in here? And since when did you ever break into peoples rooms?" You asked with a laugh.

Mallory echoed your laugh back, seemingly watching you and your behavior. As if she was expecting you to do something or to act a certain way.. like perhaps leave.

"I didnt break into your apartment but.. you should probably sit down." She spoke, before nodding off to her side. Nonverbally suggesting you to sit next to her.

You did as you were told. Noticing briefly before you sat down how nice the apartment actually was.. including the bed.

The walls, and most of everything in the apartment was a solid black. It looked sleek, and even though black paint made most rooms look small - the natural light helped keep things looking open which you appreciated. It was no surprise that the bed matched the dark theme too. The sheets were silky, black satin. You almost laughed at how comfortable the bed was once you sat next to Mallory, the entire situation was so ridiculous it nearly hurt for you to not laugh out loud. The two of you sat in the silence for a moment.. you were each incredibly anxious, that was more than apparent.

You looked up at Mallory, expecting her to speak first and explain herself since after all.. shes the one who broke into your apartment but she still remained quiet.. Stalling, you could only guess.

"So, why are you here? How did you even get in here? Is everything okay?" You asked, your words speedy and rushed.

Panic started to temporarily set in when you realized that something could be serisouly wrong with the coven, even though you knew how completly irrational it was to think that way with no evidence. What if witch hunters found them? What if someone preformed the seven wonders and it went wrong? What if the plan had suddenly changed with Michael?

Mallory seemed to pick on how anxious you suddenly were, putting a hand on your upper arm before making you meet her gaze. Her soft, hazel brown eyes immeadietly making your breathe slow. That was another reason you were so thankful for Mallory - the soothing, calming effect she seemed to have on everyone she met was something you never took for granted.. Espically now.

"Hey, nothing's wrong and nothing happened. I promise. I just wanted to see you and talk to you, and I figured we should catch up after Michael basically made me leave," Mallory explained.

You quickly nodded. Feeling guilt start to creep into your system once you remembered how Michael previously treated her.

"Yeah, youre right. I've been wanting to see you anyway and I'm sorry I didnt just call you last night or something.. and I know I cant control him but I'm still sorry for how Michael treated you. I shouldn't have brought you into that-"

"(Y/n), stop," Mallory said urgently. Shaking her head slightly in disagreement with your words. "Sure, Michael was acting like a dick but.. it's nothing I'm not exactly accustomed too. It was harmless," she ended her words with a smile. One that was meant to comfort you both at the epiphany her words brought.

You sat with her words for a moment. The realization suddenly hitting you like a truck-

"Wait.. what? Do you know Michael?"

Mallory fell completely silent. Looking at you almost in a.. guilty manner. Her gaze fell downwards before she looked up to meet yours once more, licking her lips anxiously before she uttered out a quiet reply.

"I wasnt going to tell you because I knew it would make you upset but.. Michael called me last night-"

"And you answered?" Your voice raised up a few octaves unwillingly. Threatening to break as you tried to process what you were hearing.

As much as you wanted to immeadietly jump to conclusions, you had to remind yourself that this was Mallory you were talking too. Your best friend, Mallory. You knew she would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.

You noticed Mallory was also starting to get tense. Her spine suddenly a bit too straight and her shoulders were rigid. It was nice to know you werent the only person in this situation who was feeling this way, although you would be lying if you were to say that you werent curious for why Mallory felt tense.

"At first, no but he kept calling so I figured it would cause no harm to see what he wanted so, I answered," Mallory said cautiously.

It was obvious she had more to say and as much as you wanted her to keep talking and fully explain herself - you were more than happy that you didnt have to cut her off again. It was too much. This was too much.

You pinched the bridge of your nose before loudly exhaling with a shallow growl. Not really caring that it probably was coming off like you were mad at Mallory when in reality, that wasn’t the case. Mallory wasn’t the problem; you were really just beyond fucking pissed at Michael.

But at this point.. that wasnt new news.

"I told him that we shouldnt be talking, but he insisted," Mallory continued with a shrug.

You tried to sit up straight again; trying to exhale some of the pure fucking anger that was currently coursing through your system. Your vision was spotted black when you opened your eyes - your gaze pointed upwards at the smooth, blank ceiling. Quickly wishing that you were anywhere else, or really anyone else at the moment.

What you wouldnt kill to swap bodies again.. but then again, who knows what the hell Michael was currently doing at the moment.. He couldnt be trusted.

That was more than obvious now.

You should've known that he would contact Mallory, but how he even got her number was beyond you.. Unless-

"How did he even get your number?" You asked. Your tone strikingly calm.

Mallory looked incredibly spooked when your head suddenly snapped over to look at her. As if she was worried you were angry at her still, and as much as you wanted to reassure her otherwise, you really didnt have the energy to do so anymore. Not at the moment anyway.

"You can't be mad when I tell you the answer, okay?" She said softly.

Your features immeadietly softened at her words. The rest of your body relaxed as well; your shoulders dropping and your jaw unclenching.

"Mallory, I could never be mad at you. You could never piss me off, i'm just.. frustrated at Michael. It's not at you, I swear," you said. Trying your best to make your words sound reassuring and genuine.

Mallorys reaction wasnt one that was verbal but immeadite nonetheless. Her arms suddenly shot out and wrapped themselves around you. Her body temporarily pressing into yours as your hands went to her back, before she quickly broke the hug.

"Promise?" Mallory prompted. Brown eyes looking diligently into yours.

"Yeah.. I promise. Just tell me what that idiot did,” you said halfheartedly.

"So.. I've had his number for a while. Not for too long but just since you two switched. But, we never really talked," Her voice stalled as she watched your reaction. Your mouth grew dry as you really tried to let it sink in that they've known eachother since- well for atleast a week. "But I knew immeadietly that it wasnt you.. that day. I'm sorry I lied, but Michael made me promise."

"Why didnt you just tell me?"

Mallory looked at you in a guilty manner. Her lips pursing shut as she looked solemnly at her shoes, avoiding eye contact. You knew exactly why she was being quiet - she didnt want to admit why she had lied but.. the answer was pretty obvious.

Even though Mallory was one of the strongest witches - almost stronger than Cordelia on some days, she still was scared of Michael and that was nothing worth holding a grudge over. After all he was still the antichrist, no matter how (mostly) harmless and idiotic he seemed to you now.

"Okay.. I guess that doesnt really matter," you admitted with a laugh. Figeting with your hands as you heard a shallow laugh omit also from Mallory, which made you smile. The shallow pit that resided in your stomach finally starting to let up. "But.. What did he call you about last night?"

Mallory hesitated again before giving you another subtle smile.

"It was mostly about you.. I know how you feel about him y/n, but its working. I promise you. Hes finally warming up to you. I just wish you could hear how he talks about you,” she spoke. Taking your hands into her soft, warm ones.

"I wish I believed that," You admitted.

"I wouldnt lie to you. Hes finally starting to warm up to you, plus it was obvious yesterday-"

"Yeah; It was obvious how strong he was coming onto you."

Mallory laughed again at your words. Shaking her head slightly in protest.

“Y/n you know that’s not true. The only reason why he was flirting with me was just to get to you.. I thought that was obvious.”

“It was obvious I just.. didn’t know that you knew that. I mean, Michael has Madison.. or he did so you think that would at least satisfy his flirting needs for a bit but.. Michael faking to be interested in you, that would mean he wanted a reaction out of me on purpose? Why would he-“

“You know why. You need to start cutting yourself slack and realize that maybee this rivalry is starting to be one sided.”

You pouted at her words at the realization that they actually held more truth in them than you were willing to admit. If Michael didn’t hate you anymore, if he was truly actually willing to be civil.. then why were you still so upset? Were you the one who was unintentionally causing problems now? Was it now you instead of Michael that was holding the relationship back?

How fucking stupid.

“I can’t trust him, Mallory. How can I when he and Madison literally tried to kill me. I can never forget that they did that to me.”

“I’m not asking you to forget what he did, y/n. I’m just saying that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to start having an open mind around him, and see where it gets you.”

You were struck silent, knowing that Mallory was completely right. If you wanted to have any hope at all of making things right with Michael (even though you really didn’t do anything wrong..) you would have to try a different approach because obviously; what you were doing now wasn’t working. Being snarky, and vaguely threatening him every chance you got was fun of course but- it wasn’t working. Even though Mallory was probably the sweetest person you knew, the fact your own best friend had to (very politely) make a intervention was.. not a good sign. Although, you knew Mallory was doing this for your best interest because if she didn’t say anything, then Cordelia certainly would.

And sadly, Mallory was actually right.

If you wanted things with Michael to advance any further; or to advance at all you needed to step things up but, you could always worry about that after Mallory left.

“So what, are you guys besties now or something?” You sneered.

“Shut up!” Mallory said with a laugh, playfully pushing you over a bit. “He’s barely even my acquaintance. The only reason he’s being nice to me is just to get to you, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I mean that’s the goal-“

“Do you think that’s the only reason?” You interrupted.

Your throat automatically tightened after you spoke, the threat of your words potentially being true coaxing you to silence. Your not sure why the thought of Michael using you made you upset.. it’s not as if you didn’t think he was doing it before but this time it was different. Perhaps it was because you finally thought Michael actually had some type of interest in you.. and to have that suddenly ripped away?

That would leave you beyond broken.. you knew that for certain.

Mallory looked at you solemnly, as if she was already resenting her words before she had to say them outloud.

“Look, I don’t exactly know Michaels intentions and I’m not going to pretend too.. I don’t really think anyone does at this point but I do know that regardless of your feelings, or even his feelings that.. you have to try.”

You let out a loud exhale.

“I mean you said it yourself.. Michaels so unpredictable, there’s no point in guessing how he feels so.. maybe I should just.. ask him?”

Realistically you didn’t know how good of a idea that was- but.. trying to remain realistic was something you gave up on days ago. Pretty much the same day you switched and that definitely wasn’t a coincidence by any means.

As soon as Mallorys mouth opened, you heard three loud knocks. Quick and rapid with no hesitation between them. The apartment nearly shook with the force of whoever happened to be at your door, and you certainly didn’t doubt that your neighbors heard the knocking as well.

Mallory looked at you in utter confusion, but stayed on the bed nonetheless with no sign of getting up. Naturally, you found yourself scooting closer to the end of the bed, knowing it was you who was going to have to get the door.. and that made you scared shitless. Not because you were necessarily scared to open the door but because you had a horribly bad feeling on who was on the other side.. There was only one person that you knew of that was aware of where you lived, and you knew it wasn’t matience or staff.

You knew standing up was the logical thing to do but you still stalled. Hands starting to painfully dig into the soft, expensive sheets that lie underneath you. You mouthed a silent, ‘what the fuck?’ to Mallory but your head snapped back at the door..

Three more knocks which were only louder and more persistent than the last.

“Coming!” You quickly called out.

It was pure anxiety that fueled your next actions. You quickly stood up from the bed, trying to walk hurriedly to the door as fast as you could and trying your damn best not to think.. Hoping Mallory also had a idea of who was at the door and also happened to get the fuck out of view.

You didn’t want a repeat of yesterday happening again today, and you knew you wouldn’t hesitate to slap Michael if he tried to flirt with her again. Even though, you knew you weren’t supposed to act like that anymore.. but why should you have manners if Michael refused them as well?

Opening the door swiftly and without a second thought; you stood breathless as you saw a familiar blonde standing in front of you.

You both stared at each other at first - each not daring to have the balls to say ‘hello’ or anything else for that matter.. You noticed how Michael first eyed you up, fully looking up and down your body (as well as peering behind you, hopefully not making eye contact with Mallory). You made a point to just look into Michaels eyes, refusing to do what he was doing.. whatever the fuck that truly was.

“How did you know I would be here?” You breathed.

“I knew it was just a matter of time before you’d come, but it also never hurt to charm the hotel staff a bit,” Michael responded swiftly without a second beat, almost as if he anticipated your words. His lips upturned slightly at the edges, in a way that nearly made your stomach sick.

“The hotel staff-?!”

“I have connections everywhere y/n, I thought you knew that,” he sneered.

He brushed past you as you continued to stand in shock. Your mouth slightly falling open as Michael took a few steps into your apartment - looking curiously around, almost as if he knew Mallory was here..

“I did.. I think that’s obvious,” you shot back hurriedly. “But thank you for the apartment again, Michael. I still feel weird taking it but it is nice I’ll admit,” you continued. Hoping to make him turn around to look back at you and hopefully not find Mallory.. Which worked. At least for a few seconds at least.

Michael made direct eye contact with you for a moment, almost as if he wanted to speak but was deliberately choosing not too. Instead he turned around, walking in deeper in the apartment.

Your mouth immediately dropped open - your feet carried yourself forward as you started to feel a bit numb with shock- not knowing even in the slightest how you were going to handle the situation if Mallory didn’t fucking move.

Sure enough..

“You always manage to linger.. don’t you?” Michael spoke.

It took only a couple steps for you to fully realize he wasn’t speaking to you. You only saw his backside as you approached them. Quickly meeting Mallorys gaze as you came into view.. Her brown eyes darker than ever as she peered up at you.

This time it is nearly impossible to distinguish whether she looked in agony from Michaels appearance or yours; since you apparently interrupted them. Her gaze quickly returned back to meet Michaels before you could think anything of it.

“I’m not here to see you, Michael.” Mallory announced. Her tone harsher than what you were expecting what apparent friends would use.. Were they even really friends?

Mallory suddenly stood up while Michael was still standing a few feet in front of her. Making eye contact with Michael for a split second before almost ducking around him before she stood in front of you.. leaving Michael speechless behind her. She quickly hugged you, her arms only embracing you for a split second before leaving. It was obvious she was in a hurry to leave now but.. you weren’t sure exactly why.

“I should get going, you and Michael have a lot to talk about,” she subtly smiled before turning to leave.. not letting you reply or have any sort of reaction to her words.

You stood solemnly as you heard Mallory’s footsteps gradually go farther away, before hearing the door open and close. You watched Michaels back as he refused to turn around.

“How was your nice chat with Mallory?”

“Why are you asking? Am I not allowed to see her or something?” You bit back. Your words possibly twice as venomous as his were.

Michael hastily turned around, looking at you with utter disbelief. His blue eyes looking into yours, as if he was suddenly surprised by your tone and how you were acting - as if his behavior didn’t proceeded yours.

“You need to relax,” he snapped. He approached you until he was right in front of you. “I wasn’t asking because I’m trying to control you, I know that’s what your thinking,” His words fell soft until they were nearly inaudible. “I just wanted to ask what she talked to you about.”

“About us?” You prompted.

“Well what else would she be talking to you about,” he snickered. His words spoken as more of a statement than a question. His laughter quickly dwindled off after he saw how rigid your frame suddenly looked. “Kidding. For the most part.. she said she was going to talk to you, and I figured I should actually speak to you this time rather than her.”

“Are you.. actually trying to trust me, Michael Langdon?” You teased. A smile, as well as laughter escaped from your lips at the mere thought.

Even though the thought was amusing on its own, you still didn’t completely trust him. Even now when he had Mallorys trust (for the most part), you still didn’t doubt that he had a ulterior motive.

Michael finally stepped back, hesitantly breaking eye contact before inaudibly beckoning you to follow him.

“I’m trying, just like how I told you I would,” He hauntingly reminded you.

You followed him silently to the long leather couch that sat by the overly expansive windows. Sitting down next to him in a way that felt almost too casual.. but being casual around Michael and not borderline fearing for your life was something you would have to adjust too.

You noticed how he instantly slipped his shoes off; drawing up his feet on the couch.. his arms and as well the rest of him contained. Away from you.

“So if your trying.. now,” you suggested uncertainly. “Then.. tell me why you came here to talk suddenly again? I mean why not just go through Mallory again like you’ve doing previously?”

“(Y/n), please. Take me seriously and just trust me for once,” His words came out quick and stern as he spoke them. “I was being serious yesterday, as well as all the other times when I told you I wanted to start.. putting effort in and trying.”

You stared at Michael utterly dumbfounded.. Feeling a bit hopeless that you actually felt almost.. touched by his words. That’s if he was actually being serious, anyway.

“What does trying mean to you?” You asked carefully. Your mind naturally went back to Madison.. were they even broken up yet? Was that even something that Michael was willing to do for you, and how was that something you could just ask? “What about-“

“Madison’s fine. She’s fine.. with everything,” he replied hesitantly.

You simply ignored the fact that he seemed to pick up what you were talking about almost immeadietly.. focusing on rather the latter part of the sentence.. that she was okay with everything?

“So she knows? That you’re here?”

“Yeah. She knows but that’s besides the point. Madison isn’t a part of the equation anymore, I don’t want to talk about her,” He spoke as if his words were final and not to be argued with, but his tone wasn’t angry. He was just done.. and you were too.

You wish that wasn’t the case though. Cutting Madison off didn’t sit right with you in the slightest, and it would definitely have to be something that would have to be mended later. That was a given.

Madison and Michaels relationship was far too close for them to suddenly split and remain like that forever - it was temporary, but so is everything really. That shouldn’t phase you but - it still managed too.

“Okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t-“ you started.

“It’s fine. I knew you would ask.. She’s the reason why I’m here actually,” His eyes broke contact and averted down to his hands. “I don’t mean that as in I’m not here to see you but, it was something she said that brought me here.” He continued, his voice almost growing soft now at just the mention of his ex girlfriend.. and now, you felt like you actually were starting to understand his point of view. Not fully but, it was clear that Michael was trying to be more open with you, and this time he wasn’t ‘fake’ drunk.

It took nearly everything in you to not immeadietly retort but just like the night where you were at the party; you tried to fully hear him out since this was apparently one of the few times he was being civil.

“So Madison gave you advice and you actually took it?” You said while laughing softly. Trying to lighten the mood since Michael seemed to be brooding.

Michael didn’t laugh back but instead his gaze flickered up to meet yours for a moment. The corners of his mouth upturning in a shallow smile that only lasted for a few seconds.

“I did because it made sense.” He said, his tone still remaining serious. You noticed how careful he was being with his words.. something that was typical for Michael to do but this time it seemed a bit too deliberate. You wanted to ask what exactly Madison even told him to do but.. that felt wrong. “It was also the right thing to do.. Being close to you is something I should’ve done a while ago, probably immeadietly-“

“But what’s in the past; stays in the past. And since your so adamant about being close to me.. we can always try now,” you cut in.

Michael continued to sit a good distance away from you; you thought it was ironic how he could talk about wanting to get close with you but wouldn’t dare to move any closer. That thought made your pride a little bit too happy.

Right before he could open his mouth to say something; his phone rang. The sound suddenly earsplitting and blaring but Michael didn’t bother to flinch. Instead he stood up and answered his phone.. making sure to nearly trek across the apartment before he said anything into the phone.

You stretched and casually examined him as he talked, you had a feeling who it was on the line..

After how tense things were with Mallory - you knew they probably weren’t going to be on friendly terms anytime soon.. especially in front of you. And judging by how.. oddly relaxed he seemed (yet timid when he caught your gaze and realized you were staring), it had to be one person.

You were about to sink back into the couch and try your best to not speculate what they were talking about, but before you could fully turn - you realized Michael was sauntering towards you.. clearly still on the phone.

Oh fuck.

Before you could ask what was wrong, the look he gave you alone ushered you to silence.

He quickly held the phone away from his ear. A quick glance at the screen confirmed that the call was still active.

“You said you forgive Madison.. right?” He spoke lowly. His words barely audible, more so mouthing the words than actually speaking them.

You looked at him with a expression you’re sure looked as if you were furious but you were really just completely confused. You wanted to ask but.. there was no time if she was on the phone, but knowing what you were about to get yourself into would also be nice to know.

His eyes had since lost the sharpness that had nearly cut you earlier, instead swarming with urgency and a bit of panic.. It had to be Madison. The only person that could ever have that effect on Michael was Madison.

You simply nodded in response. Not trusting yourself to speak quietly outloud but you also didn’t exactly trust your response because it wasn’t exactly truthful, but Michael seemed to be level headed.. for now.

Michael immeadietly turned and held the phone back up to his ear, this time staying in closer proximity and within ear shot. Putting on his shoes as he continued to hold the conversation he was having.

“Okay

...

So when are you coming?

...

Great, see you then. . . Bye.”

If you didn’t just hear the words that you thought you had heard.. you knew under normal circumstances your heart would’ve ached when you realized how Michael hesitated before he said goodbye, most likely catching himself before he said ‘I love you’. Instead though, you felt a gruesome wave of nausea suddenly rise through you.. urging you to shakily stand up and speak without thinking.

“She’s coming to see you?”

Michael barely gave you a second glance as he turned around and started to head for the front door of the apartment.

“Yes. You’ll be seeing her too, don’t worry.” He spoke before he quickly let the door shut behind him.

You continued to stand, utterly speechless.

Part of you wanted to run after him and the other part merely wanted to scream in anger that he had already made fucking plans but instead you felt numb. Numb and calm.

You returned to your bag and unpacked, trying your best to not let your emotions consume you like they previously had too many times.. until you finally broke down and called Mallory.

Taglist: @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakescoven @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @king-with-no-crovvn @melodylangdon @littledemondani @langdons-pinkyring @celestialrequiem @sojournmichael @mindlesschicca

Let me know if u would like to be added or removed to the taglist!!

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Obi Wan x Padawan Reader Never Lie to Me

Pairing: Sith Obi Wan Kenobi x padawan reader

Summary : Reader misplaces something important and tries to find it before her Master can find out.

Warnings: language, sexual themes, *slight smut*

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Hello my loves! Ok so I absolutely love Sith obi wan but for some reason I struggle to write him. I tried something and hopefully it's not complete trash like I think it is lol anywaaaaaaays enjoy😚

18+ readers only!

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Oh this was bad...this was very very bad....

Okay y/n don't freak out, you can hide this! You can totally hide this!!

Fuck no you couldn't

You groaned sliding down the wall of your chambers. How could you be so stupid?! Losing your lightsaber like that?! Did you have a death wish?!

You could only imagine how enraged your master would be.. you shook your head violently dissipating the horrible thoughts.

No no no, it would not come to that becasue you would find it. It probably fell somewhere by your speeder. Yeah it's there for sure.....probably.....

Sighing you stood up and grabbed a cloak to cover your hip and the usual missing weapon spot that hung there.

You couldn't help but imagine all the horrible scenarios that ran through your mind if Master kenobi found out.

One included merciless unending training, not letting you rest for even a moment.

Another image had you bent over his knee whilst he.... ughhh you could already feel the sting.

Your master and you had a...unique relationship to say the least... he was your master in the ways of the dark side, so you had a strict student master dynamic during training.

He took your training very seriously, leaving little room for error. But as some point his punishments got more....creative..

You couldn't help but feel your face heat up remembering that time you screwed up a mission and he saw to your reprimanding. From then on your relationship became more....personal.

He didnt give you any special treatment, and didnt allow any distractions during training. But the times after training...when he would call you to his chambers and.....

You couldn't help but feel your heart skip a beat, or two, or twenty, and you couldn't help but to recall those moments..

That scent...

Those whispers..

His fingers.....

"What are you thinking about?" A smooth voice cut through your indecent thoughts like butter. You whipped around startled that the man in question was now standing right behind you.

Quickly you made sure your shields were up, something you had made sure to refine. You didnt want him hearing all your dirty thoughts during training...

"I-I was just thinking about the mission.." you took a step back trying to regain your composure. Why did you always manage to act like a floundering idiot when he was around?!

"Hmm, is it really the mission that has you so flustered?" He mused stepping closer.

"Or something else?"he smirked knowingly.

Bastard, he must've read my thoughts before I realized he was here...

"It's-" you attempted to change the subject before he cut you off.

"And I know you know better than to lie to me don't you?" He said slightly more serious. A familiar dark edge to his voice.

You gulped, "Yes master..."

"I was thinking of other things..." you trail off averting your gaze hoping he wouldnt make you say it out loud.

Although he'd technically seen you naked quite a few times now, you still felt so embarrassed regarding anything or your "intimate moments". This was due mostly to the many embarrassing things he made you do....well ok to be fair you didnt REALLY try to stop him...but the second those moments were over you could barely look him in the eyes.

You felt those familiar warm finger gently lift your chin. You met his deep gaze,

"Speaking of other things...you did rather well on the mission, we were able to conquer the planet thanks to your efforts, so I suppose a reward is in order...dont you agree darling?" He whispered the last part in your ear making you shiver slightly.

Oh how you enjoyed those rewards of his...quite possibly the only time he would treat you gently. Well there were those times he wasnt so gentle either...actually maybe you liked those more...

AH WAIT WHAT AM I DOING, I NEED TO FIND MY SABER!!

You place you hands on his chest and gently push.

"A-actually master I wondered if I might have your permission to leave the ship I..wanted too...look around a bit more before we have to leave!" You hurriedly came up with an excuse.

He stepped back, eyeing you for a moment before nodding his approval, "Alright, be back before nightfall" he warned and continued walking down the hall.

As soon as he was out of sight you let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully he bought that story. You quickly made your way to the ship's exit and onto the lush planet known as Misano.

Normally you would've liked a chance to explore and maybe even sneak some souvenirs back. But you had no time for that now. If you didnt find that saber soon you were toast. And it didnt help that Misano turned from a tropical paradise to a frozen tundra trap by nightfall. It was truly a unique planet.

But you could admire it another time, preferably when your life wasn't on the line...

************************************

You looked up at the setting sky as dread washed over you. You had scoured and searched for your blasted saber for hours but it was no use. You had retraced your steps multiple times and even question some of the citizens to see if they knew anything.

You didnt want to even humor the idea but now it was the most likely truth. Some lowlife had probably picked it up and would soon be rolling in credits.

You pulled your cloak tighter around you as the wind started to pick up. You knew you should start to head back before it got too cold but honestly freezing to death sounded better than whatever punishment you master would enforce...

************************************

You were now full on shivering as you made your way back to the ship. The sun had set long ago and you now knew why everyone kept warning you to get inside. Your boots the only reason you could trudge through the many layers of snow.

You must've questioned every suspicious looking citizen however no luck. Your saber was probably gone forever and on top of that punishment you were sure your master was going to be angry that you disobeyed and stayed out later than he permissed.

Ughh I should just let myself freeze over...

Another half an hour later you finally made it back to the ship. Immediately you dragged yourself through the halls to your room and ordered your droid servant to run a hot bath. You were extremely lucky that master kenobi hadn't spotted you yet.

You could barely feel anything and felt horribly tired. Even the steam rising from afar felt like heaven as it reached your frost bitten skin.

You removed your practically stiff cloak but had no energy for the rest so you plopped fully clothed into the steaming water, immediately sighing in relief as you slowly felt feeling returning to all parts of your body.

You rested your head back and took a deep breath, inhaling the warm air.

*achoo* fuck...

you could already feel your nose becoming stuffed and there was a slight scratch in your throat. Perfect, getting sick was just what you needed.

After you were fully warmed up, you drained the water and lazily wrapped a fluffy towel around you. You felt the exhaustion of the mission plus everything afterwards tenfold as soon as your body hit the mattress.

You spread out lazily letting the cool sheets relax your now warmed body, covers discarded on the floor.

Your eyes drooped slowly closed once, focused on the space by the end of your bed, you tried to fight off sleep but it was proving difficult,

You opened them but slowly they drooped closed again,

The third time however you saw a blurry outline of a man.

"M-master!" Like a rocket you sat up, heart beating out of your chest. You quickly pulled up the towel over your chest.

"Y-you scared me..." You placed a hand over your beating chest trying to catch your breath. You had been too tired to even sense him coming.

He stood with his arms crossed, an unreadable expression on his face. "I distinctly remember telling you to be back before dark did I not?" He stepped closer until he was right at the end of the bed.

Oh Crap hes mad.... you sat up a little straighter trying to ignore the fact you were practically naked in front of him.

"I'm sorry master, the time got away from me..." your mouth feeling unnaturally dry as the lie left your lips.

You hated lying to him. Well you hated what usually happened when you lied to him and he found out....

He eyed you silently before leaning over the bed intimidatingly close. He leaned next to your ear before speaking,

"You're lying" a dangerous edge to his voice now

You felt your heart stop and a rush of panic fill you. Fuck fuck fuck.

Slowly he came back into view.

His eyes were a threatning color now. A silent deadly warning to choose your next words carefully. You had just broken his one rule. And he knew...

You felt a million emotions running through you. Fear, for getting caught breaking his most important rule. Shame for being stupid enough to lose something so important. And Guilt for lying to the one person you never ever wanted to lie too...

"Ah I-I'm Sorry!!" You blurted out suddenly. "I-I didn't mean too! But so much was going on with the mission!! A-and I must've been distracted and I swear I tried master I really did! B-but no one knew anything and then it started getting dark and cold a-and I didnt know what to do so I came back, but I didnt want you to be disappointed or mad so I didnt tell you the truth and I'm so so so sorry!!" You bowed your head breathing heavily, hardly realizing that your explanation made no sense. Your eyes shut tightly shielding you from his whatever horrible expression he surely had on his face.

A few moments of dreadful silence passed before you felt him shift.

"Look at me" you barely felt the ghostly touch of his fingers guide your chin up.

You sucked in a nervous breathe when you realized you were only inches from his face. His eyes were dark and penetrating. Whenever he looked at you like this you felt completely exposed. Like he could see right through your soul.

"Now calm down and tell me the truth little one" he said dangerously calm. Sometimes that was even scarier then when he yelled...

Taking a deep breathe you gathered your wits and with a deeply ashamed tone you confessed, "I lost my lightsaber.." you could feel burning at the corner of your eyes but you continued through it, "I looked for it everywhere but..." you looked down again dejectedly. What a dumb apprentice I am.. hes probably so disappointed in me.. "I'm sorry Master.."

You waited for what felt like hours until he spoke, "I know" he said in an even tone.

Your eyes shot open in surprise, "w-what?"

"How many times must I remind you nothing happens without me knowing about it."

"So then..." he knew you were lying all along...

"Yes my apprentice" he grasped your chin slightly harder now but still somehow gentle, "When will you learn..." he slowly ran his thumb over your bottom lip, dragging it down, "that you can't hide anything from me.." he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I know..I'm sorry, I was just afrai-" he cut you off with a sharp slap to your thigh.

"What have I told you about lying to me?" he caressed your bare thigh making it harder for you to focus.

"That-that I am never to lie to you...no matter what..." your breath hitched as his hand inched closer across your thigh and to your most sensitive area. However just when he was inches away he abruptly removed all contact.

You immediately felt sad at the loss.

"Exactly, and yet you did exactly that" he nodded his head, "I'm disappointed little one, especially since if you had told the truth..." he reached behind him grabbing something and bringing it forward, "you could've saved yourself alot of trouble"

You let out a gasp, "My saber!!" He let you take it from his grasp, you beamed finally feeling whole again.

"But how did you..?" You asked confused where and how he had found it.

"It fell when you jumped on your speeder during the battle" he explained nodding slightly in exasperation.

So this whole time he had it?! And that means he knew all day that you.....

"I shouldnt have lied" you apologized sincerely. "I just didn't want to disappoint you..especially since I did so well on the mission..." you mustered the best regretful expression you could. "Are you angry with me...?" You couldn't help but ask.

After a moment he smiled slightly, resting his rough palm on your cheek, "No..well not anymore, I was more upset that you risked your health by staying out too long, however I do sense your deep regret, so this time I'll let it slide"

Whoa did I hear that correctly, hes going to let it slide?? My master?? Had he hit his head during battle??

"Thank you Master, I promise it won't happen again" you meant it this time.

"Oh I know it wont pet" you shivered at the pet name he called you. He suddenly force pulled you closer until you were basically straddling him. You let out a shriek.

"Because this time.." he placed a firm hand on the back of your neck pulling you in for a possessive kiss.

He pulled away slightly and you felt his hot breathe by your ear, "I'll make sure you remember what happens when you don't." Suddenly you were on you back, towel thrown across the room.

"Whaa what?! I thought you said I was off the hook?!" You blushed fiercely as he force held your hands and legs to each corner and stood back to admire your helpless form.

He smirked wickedly, "I said you were off the hook for staying out too late.. however..." you gasped as you felt invisible fingers begin to tease your most sensitive area.

"For lying to me.." he eyed you with a gaze now hooded with lust and a dangerous glint, "You will be punished until I am certain you've learned your lesson my darling..."

***************************************************Thanks for reading!! I had alot of trouble writing sith obi wan but I tried my best. Let me know if you guys liked this enough and want to see similar Sith obi wan x apprentice fics. Alsoooo 👀if enough people want a mini 18+ continuation of the *cough* punishment.....lemme know🙈

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[woodsywizard]

There’s so much power in names. There’s really a reason you can’t give the fae your name-people understood the power of it. Names are so important to me as a trans person because of lots of reasons, but part of it isnt just that but also just,,, the power of it all. I mean, people have multiple names, nicknames, pet names. Names you call in anger, like full names or middle names. There’s so much ascribed or achieved identity in a name-it’s how youre viewed, how you’re defined. The name is a definition of the being, the way you’d give life to an entire thing by naming it. Who named the mountains early on? That must’ve been something. They were always so powerful. Giving something a name isnt just any old act-it’s an act of putting into being their identity and soul in one word. It’s the word you’ll call to at night to bring them back from the dead. It’s the word you’ll hear people singing to each other to say I am here and so are you! And you are a being with a defined soul-something to call to. We call each other’s names with such Power that I refrain from even using them without need sometimes.

I think realizing my deadname wasnt my real name was one of my earliest journeys pre puberty as a trans guy. It’s funny, really, because my deadname means ‘little girl’. My parents were heartbroken when I told them I had a name and it wasn’t that. I didn’t ask them to call me by it for years after I told them because it hurt too much to speak. But I knew early on there was no room for a name like what they’d given me in a life like mine. It wouldn’t ever define me the way I was-it would define the person they thought I was. At like 9 or 10 I played a childrens game online where I still has no access to trans info or resources but I called myself a new name every week until it stuck. And it stuck hard. It was just the letter B. I’d always felt so strongly about it. Something in that letter was romantic to me. Nothing like the cold unfeeling deadname I’d begun to associate with Fake Me, the me my parents believed they knew. But B, that was a letter. I also went online by he/him pronouns at that age without knowing anything more than the warmth I felt from it. The euphoria. I explored names and identity and the power of a definition really well when I wasn’t tied to anything but my words.

But when I grew up a little more I realized B wasn’t fully suitable for me out loud or in full. I wanted more of a mouthful of a word, and I wanted it to fit. I sought to define myself singularly, which is what I believe everyone could try to do if they find themselves trapped in a name they can’t agree with. But what’s in a definition of a name? How do you call yourself one little word-a made up word you use to call yourself by, to put on forms, to respond to heart and soul? It was a very rough road ahead of me. I knew for a fact it had to have a prominent B, somewhere in it. Of that, my identity would never feel more secure. But what sort of names fit that? I tried all the American names for B and it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. Apparently not many Americans took on plant names starting with B as the definition of their being. And calling myself Berry didn’t feel right. But I was always very drawn to nature, inherently more so than to people. So when I looked, I looked for nature names. And having recently read the picture of Dorian gray, it sort of hit me when I read it. Basil. I read it wrong, really. I’d never heard it pronounced out loud. Bay-zill, I thought. That’s a definition. It even sounded kind of fancy and gentlemenly, a name I could take to class.

Finding my name was a bit of a strange thing. It’s not like building something out of clay-it’s more like I already had a pre existing statue, but it was covered up in all this rock I had to chisel away to free it. And once I’d torn the rock away and revealed the art of self understanding, there was an expression of my identity in two syllables. Basil. A name I could follow behind when it was carried on the wind. A name that has made going to places selling tomato basil soup or plant stores very confusing for me. A name that leads to every other American I meet instantly not knowing how to pronounce it because I’m clearly not British either. And a name that has led to lots of confusion for people trying to help me with forms because it’s clearly not the one on most of those.

But there’s a reason it matters to me. It was very hard to figure out that name. It took so much chiseling. I am sure this is the one I can’t give the fae. And my middle name-even that ones special to me. I took it from someone who doesn’t accept me for who I am, but whom I still love very much because I’m always a fool trying to please the circus. I have a name, and it’s not the one my parents stuck to my forehead in an attempt to define me. It’s something I worked for. And I don’t think being trans is the only reason people should do this. I really truly believe finding yourself a name to be called by is something inherently human. Changing your name is often allowed for anyone, but I don’t recommend doing the legal stuff until you’re down pat on it. It’s a journey, not a race. Figuring each little piece out took me like three years when I started questioning it. I had lots of fun weird in betweens and nicknames I still use, but I think finding a label you can stick on forms with no discomfort is really appealing. I think names are powerful things, and calling to them by their true forms is the best way to reach the person asking you to. I don’t think it’s evil that my parents secretly deadname me. But it certainly means I’ll never be willing to share a part of that life with them. Il never feel comfortable or safe around them when the topic comes up. I told them who I was, and rather than listen or ask questions they told me I did not know myself as well as they did, though I knew I’d been lying to them for years to keep up that identity they thought I had. I dont trust them fully with myself anymore-it’s guarded off from them. They’re calling to a deity who doesn’t exist, praying on the grave in vain of a living person walking around who just doesn’t vibe with a definition they gave me. They also defined me as Catholic. That one didn’t go too well either. They’re still hoping on that one too though. I bared my soul to them as who I am and they responded with rejection of it until I would conform to their definition. Unfortunately, I tried very hard and couldn’t manage, so I was dead to them forever on this topic.

Anyway, yeah, I don’t care if you’re cis or trans or questioning or anything, finding a name you vibe with even if it’s just to give yourself a new nickname is really rewarding. Dont neglect self reflection too badly in the name of being normal if it means denying a little fun pet name you can try like those hallmark movies. And if you find out in the end of all that introspection you’re exactly where you started, that’s all the better! You have a lot less paperwork to do! :) Cherish the names that come by and fit into parts of your life when they do, because human beings are only ever changing and to maintain something through all that change is a feat for even the earth.

[clockworkfrenzy]

I’m going to talk about NDRV3 for a minute

This is going to be long, so I’m adding a cut

First off, the characters were really well written, until they were actually implemented into the story. Lets start with the first most obvious one: Kaede.

Kaede was a very interesting choice for a protagonist. She had an actual talent that wasnt just the SHSL Lucky Student, and she was the first female protagonist in the main three games (I know that UDG had both Komaru and Toko). I entered this game excited for a change in fundamental characteristics of a protag who had actual deep characterization. Then she died. She “killed” Rantaro and got executed. On the plus side, her execution was my second favorite in the game. 

Next, lets talk about Ryoma, my favorite side character in the game. His motive was literal suicide baiting. Imagine you lost everything important to you. You are on your last sliver of hope and reassurance when you find out about the motive videos. You think you can finally find a reason to live. Ryoma starts the video, and it’s Monokuma cheerily saying that he has absolutely no reason to continue on living, and if he died, no one would care. Reaffirming what he already knew, he let Kirumi kill him without a second thought.

Third, Korekiyo. Overall, he was a really interesting and intriguing character. He had a decent talent that influenced his character, but he also wasn’t just limited to being an anthropologist. Korekiyo was reaching the top of my favorite character list. Until chapter three’s trial. His sister wasn’t necessary to the plot, and he had so much potential to be a great character and a fan favorite. In my own personal opinion, there is way too much incest in this series. All I can say is at least they didn’t romanticize his sister or that relationship.

Motive three was somewhat of a throwaway motive. The only point of this motive was to give Angie an excuse to be spending so much time alone in her Ultimate Lab, and an easy out for her murder.

Skipping to chapter five, Kokichi is next. Kokichi was a very interesting character that paralleled Nagito in many ways. For example, Nagito started the game willing to help people, but then his motivations were twisted around and corrupted after the Final Dead Room. Kokichi, on the other hand, was unhinged from the very beginning. He lied constantly and was never a reliable source of information. However, after chapter five, it was revealed that his last big plan was to end the killing game and let everyone else escape, unlike Nagito, whose intentions were to kill everyone except the traitor. Kokichi’s death seemed out of character. He had so much potential to come up with a better plan, yet he just didn’t. Especially considering that he has been proven to be incredibly smart and able to predict and manipulate others’ actions.

Last, but not least, Tsumugi. As a mastermind, it was certainly an interesting choice. The painfully boring and plain girl being the one behind the killing game was a brilliant idea, but they didn’t execute it properly. Every other line is about how plain/boring Tsumugi is, drawing attention and suspicion to her immediately. In every other game, the most boring characters were killed off rather early, with Sayaka and Leon being killed off in chapter one, and Mahiru in chapter two of her respective game. Naturally, It was pretty suspicious when, at the beginning of the sixth trial, she was still alive. Not to mention, the cospox thing was absolute bullshit. I’ll explain that later.

The entire game’s theme is about truth and lies Keep this in mind for later.

Now, on to the behind-the-scenes stuff. I didn’t hate the television show idea at first. The concept of an online television show based off of the first two games was a clever idea. However, they botched it by creating the notion that the first two games were fictional in-universe. Tsumugi claims that each person participating in the fifty-third killing game was a fabricated personality created by her and the producers to make the game more interesting. That everyone in the current killing game auditioned to be there. This opens up the cospox inconsistency. Tsumugi can cosplay live-action characters without a problem, so when does it cross the line from fictional people to real people?. In chapter one, when Tsumugi attempts to cosplay Kaede, she breaks out in a rash across her entire body that she claims is cospox. But, if Kaede Akamatsu is just a character created for the purpose of the show, than Tsumugi should have been able to cosplay as her with no problem, exactly like how she switches between characters from the first two games so effortlessly. This begs the question, “What is Tsumugi telling the truth about versus lying to the players?” The most logical conclusion is that the entire cospox thing is a lie to confuse us. 

This is a game all about lies and deception. NDRV3 is about interpreting the last trial for yourself. I’m going to do just that. What follows is the version that makes the most sense to me.

NDRV3 is a television show on the dark web that kidnaps teenagers with extreme talents and forces them to compete in a mass killing game after erasing their memories. The Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles is in a pirated version of the Neo-World Program. This is how motives such as the Necronomicon were made possible. The first two killing games did happen, and are what inspired the show in the rebuilt world after the tragedy. Tsumugi has a set of controls that lets her switch between predesigned avatars, such as her “cospox Kaede” and all the characters she cosplays in the final trial. This is how all of the cosplays have the V3 eye designs and how she was able to switch between all of them with little to no effort. The Ultimate Hunt was a partially, if not fully, true event that led to the cast being captured and being put into the game. Most of the characters’ backgrounds are indeed real, with some minor tweaks here and there. This can be backed up because of the first scenes in the game, when Shuichi and Kaede can remember being kidnapped off of the street. The Neo-World program in chapter four was put there as a diversion, but it’s clearly not the same program as Goodbye Despair. This current killing game probably occurred five to six years after Goodbye Despair ended, if we assume each season took about a month to create. Not every execution was planned, yet if needed, they could program one at the last minute. This helps explain away Kirumi’s execution by giving her no way to escape her impending execution in a similar way Chiaki and Monomi tried to escape their execution. At the end of a season, all participants get released and can reenter the world as a famous participant of the killing game franchise. Occasionally, contestants are invited back to participate in another season, like Rantaro did. (Kaito also had his illness before the game started, and it was a chronic illness that could have prevented him from achieving his dream of going to space. That’s why he forged all the paperwork to apply to be an astronaut. He also seemed to know exactly when his limit was reached and how long he had left in the chapter bridge scenes).

Overall, this is just my own interpretation of the last game in the series. It gives many less plot holes and can explain almost everything that didn’t make sense in my play-through.

[lordmartiya]

lord Martiya’s Lilanette Week 2018/2019 Day 4

@lilanette-week

This one was quite funny to make, especially as I wrote Adrien’s ability for delusions-and has the most awesome Lila scene I’ve written so far, my little attempt to top the Lila of The Grand Deception. Tell me if what she pulls is comparable, ok?

Day 4: Akumatized

After the ball, things had changed drastically in Marinette’s relationships. After taking advantage of the opening provided by their common friend, Lila had done her best to impress her-and had done a good enough job she could have had her way with her, had she not showed more restraint than even Lila herself thought (it had been obvious in hindsight that the Italian girl had really wanted that), impressing Marinette even more in the process. Enough that, before they kissed (and Lila had given her more than enough time to move away), Marinette had proposed they exchanged their hair ribbons.

Now half the school was likely convinced they were dating, something that Marinette would have once been dreading due the chance of Adrien joining the group too… Except she wasn’t minding too much, she had noticed a couple days previously while she and Tikki put up a few pictures of Lila in her room. She had even started talking more smoothly to Adrien and transferred some of the stutter to Lila-especially whenever the fox girl would suddenly come too close with her face.

On the other hand she had been growing a bit irritated with Alya and Nino, as they seemed to have made their mission to keep her from staying alone with Lila and pushing her into Adrien’s arms. And she wasn’t the only one growing irritated, considering the previous day she had seen Lila venting by going to the two guys who had been bullying Nathaniel and Marc over their relationship and tricking them into punching each other’s fist-sure, it had ended any homophobic bullying at their school for the time being, but Lila still had got two guys to shatter their hands.

Thus, given she had a date with Lila planned for after the school, she had decided to confront them on that as soon as they arrived to school before her very irascible love interest got Akumatized again-and of course they were denying everything.

“Guys, I’m not stupid.” Marinette replied.

“But I’m starting to fear they are.” a strangely familiar voice pointed out. Marinette looked to see and, much to her, Alya’s and Nino’s very understandable surprise and shock, they found Rena Rouge. “I mean, they should know that this way they’re far too likely to bring back my superior death-tailed counterpart…”

Just as Marinette registered that “Rena Rouge” had repeated the pun made by the Minefield while Alya wasn’t there but Lila was, a fist suddenly became visible through her and an orange glow dissolved Rena Rouge-and revealed Volpina, wearing Lila’s jacket over her costume.

“What did you say about Rena Rouge and Volpina?!” and of course Alya had to take offense at being called inferior to Volpina.

“I’m saying that Rena Rouge, differently from me, can’t actually play the dizi flute, must remember to tell Ladybug I can give her some lessons.” Volpina replied. “That and, no matter how good she’ll become with the power of illusions, she just isn’t ruthless enough to use it at its fullest-I mean, I doubt she’d even think to use an illusion showing her taking someone hostage like I did.”

“Mmmgrr…”

“But that’s not important right now. What is important, Marinette, is that right now I’ve got the power of illusion and I’m fully in control, and can think of quite a few things to use it for in our date before I call Ladybug and give it up.”

While Marinette tried to guess if this time Volpina was a supervillain or was indeed her Lila with superpowers she saw a familiar mask of light appear before Volpina’s eyes-and her reply was the most awesome thing Marinette had ever seen since her first Miraculous Cure washed over Paris.

“Listen up, a’ stronzo ’ncorvattato, I’m not giving up my plans for the day for your sake, so you’ll better take a day of rest because if you do take away my powers or otherwise interfere with my date I shall scour the world searching for the cheapest copies of the ugliest jewels and pieces of clothing ever made for the Bling-Bling fashion, use them to assemble an outfit so tacky that Adrien Agreste could have his father wrapped around his finger simply by threatening to wear it in public, force you into it, and lock you into a closet with Madame Bourgeois!”

And with that, the light that signaled Papillon talking with an Akumatized villain disappeared while Volpina dusted her hands off, much to the shock of the entire class-both at the threat (because even Chloe could admit her mother was an incredibly nasty person, especially when confronted with a horrible outfit) and the fact it had scared Papillon away.

“Again, Alya, this is why Rena Rouge is inferior: considering half the things I’ve heard about that woman she would never think to make such a threat. Then again, maybe that means she’s a better person.” Volpina continued. Then she turned to Marinette, put a finger under her still open mouth, and asked: “Is this an invitation?”

“Uh? Agh! No! Yes! I mean-! STOP DOING THAT!”

“I just can’t get enough of that. Anyway, still going out with me today?”

“Yes! Yes! My god, that was awesome…”

Volpina smiled… And then the purified Akuma popped out of her left hair ribbon, leaving behind a rather bemused Lila. ____________________________________ As he returned home for the day, Adrien was in a strange mood. On one hand he was happy f0r Marinette and that Lila had turned over a new leaf, but on the other hand he didn’t like that it wasn’t him at Marinette’s side. If he wasn’t already in love with Ladybug he’d swear he was jealous.

“Welcome home, Adrien. How was your day?”

Adrien turned in surprise-his father never came to greet him at the door. That, and he looked strange. Probably some trouble on the job again.

“Just a bit strange-Lila was Akumatized again.” he replied, and feigning to have missed his father’s twitch-he didn’t exactly like Lila, ever since she had admitted her part in the book trouble. “But it was a strange Akumatization, she kept full control and even scared Papillon by threatening to dress him horribly and lock him in a room with Chloe’s mom if he took away her powers.”

“He threatened him with Audrey?! I wouldn’t do that to my worse enemy.”

“She can’t be that bad…”

“She’s worse. Enough I thought Papillon wouldn’t dare to Akumatize her-that’s the whole reason I gave her that second row seat.”

Adrien took a moment to digest the fact his father had dumped Audrey Bourgeois with serial killers and other people that Papillon was too decent and/or intelligent to Akumatize, then continued relating what had happened.

“Anyway, right after that Lila became so happy she accidentally purified the Akuma, and-father? Father?!”

Adrien wondered why did his father just ran and locked himself in his office before activating the security system-it wasn’t like he was Papillon, and even then Lila didn’t have the means to actually enact that threat. Or did she, and his father thought she’d come there believing they had information useful to track him down? After all, they had a book with information on the Miraculouses and Lila had seen it…

What Does the Fox Says

As many of you guys may have noticed, just as Rena Rouge’s design includes nine “tails” (two in the tuxedo-like tails of her costume and the rest in her hair), so Volpina’s design has four (the belt, the side locks and her immense mane of hair)-and given how terrifying Volpina was, a certain someone obviously had to make a pun with the fact one of the Japanese words for “four” sounds like “death”.

Returning with the phrases in Romanesco: this time it translates as “tie-wearing piece of shit” (as many of you guys know, I use “Papillon” rather than “Hawk Moth” because in Italy a “papillon” is the bowtie and allows me to use that pun). I guess that the side effects of Akumatization impaired Lila’s ability to come up with better insults…

[foolgobi65]

What’s the deal with padmavati?

this is going to be a long long post im so sorry in advance.... to start off with, im a diaspora kid raised in a dominant caste hindu family, and i just finished watching this movie in hindi which is not a language i understand well so if i didnt catch some things im so sorry and please feel free to add more. 

im basically going to separate the movie from the news event, and go further into why its both a bad movie and a bigoted one. the rest of this is under the cut

ok! padmavati/padmaavat (they had to change the name) as a movie and as a general News Item is .... a fucking disaster. 

in terms of the news, the karni sena which is a hindu nationalist (terrorist) group decided that this movie was an affront to their ancestors and dishonored their “queen” padmavati. Padmavati is the character in a Sufi poem called the Padmavat, and thus did not actually exist. There was talk of some dream sequence where she got with Khilji, the antagonist but most people are pretty sure it doesnt exist. The Karni Sena and their ilk has turned to rioting since the Indian Supreme Court ruled that the movie should be allowed to play, and their latest act of Rajput Valor has been attacking schoolchildren to show India the true glory of their caste. Before the movie came out there was a bounty on Deepika Padukone’s nose, her head, the director Bhansali’s head, and threats by Rajput women to commit jauhar (burn themselves alive). 

All of this, notably, without a great deal of interference and sometimes the tacit encouragement of the BJP government in power both within the provinces that are affected as well nationally. 

This mess meant that the movie released about 2 months after it was supposed to, and created this idea that to watch it was to support free speech. 

padmavaavat as a MOVIE is also a giant fucking mess.

it’s got a ridiculously regressive worldview, and the movie so far is casteist, sexist, islamophobic and homophobic. it is also a poorly written, plotted, and edited movie. 

casteist: it glorifies the dominant rajput caste, does not include anyone from outside that caste at all, will not fucking shut up about rajput valor when its clear in the present that rajput valor and values has led to a lot of shitty things. within the movie the rajputs basically constantly lose yet are still somehow portrayed as winners. their biggest victory comes from padmavati, who is from Singhal (sri lanka) and uses her intelligence instead of just fronting about her “rajput values.” Also historically the rajputs didnt become winners until they surrendered to the mughals and became commanders of the mughal army. they’re huge losers who are trying to rewrite history because theyre a pathetic martial caste known for hundreds of their women burning themselves alive when the men lose a batttle. 

sexist: the whole concept of jauhar is based on the idea that a woman’s chastity is more important than their life. 11 year old girls, pregnant women, it doesnt matter. A rajput woman cannot be allowed to live if there is even a glimmer of doubt that she may be touched by a man. Within this, she doesn’t even have the dignity to choose to die, and must ask permission beforehand from her husband. Are there women who might have wanted to live? Who knows? They’re all dead now, coerced into burning themselves alive. I’d also like to add that the movie never addresses the fate of the /non/ rajput women, which highlights a huge issue of caste and how it affects gender dynamics of hindu women. Dominant caste women are considered pure, and so they must die to preserve this purity. Other women are ignored -- if they are taken as slaves, it doesnt matter because the real victory is that khilji couldnt take the Rajput women. 

Islamophobic: the entire movie exists to highlight the differences between the “perverse” “dark” “dank” “dirty” “insane” “cheating” “evil” Muslim, and the “clean” “light” “honorable” “pure” Hindu. The colors, the scenery, the food, and of course the characters themselves, all serve this insidious idea that Muslims are the savage invader, in India to plunder everything beautiful about it, especially its dominant caste women. By all nominal accounts, Khilji was a conqueror, and he acted like many conquerors did -- including, I might add, many “hindu” conquerors. If he was crueler than other conquerors, that is of course because of who he was as a person and not because of his religion. Khilji’s wife played by Aditi Rao hydari might have been the only actually good muslim character and even then she’s portrayed as the islamophobic victim muslim wife, trapped in a horrific marriage with a savage. There’s more to be said but like ... the foundation of this movie is the idea of a primordial culture clash which of course doesnt actually exist 

homophobic: malik kafur is khilji’s eunuch slave general and he’s portrayed as being in love with khilji. its one sided, and theres one homophobic comment by the rajputs at some point. khilji maybe could be seen as reciprocating a little but tbh its all just to further this idea that khilji and co are savage, foreign (muslim) perversions. a few scenes directly contrast malik and khilji v padmavati and ratan and clearly, the hindu heterosexual couple is meant to be the good, pure, holy one. i will say malik/khilji was the only pair i was really rooting for, and this was an almost 3 hour movie meant to center on padmavati/ratan. 

bhansali also lowkey exotified sri lanka and made it seem as like .. some foreign place with lots of buddha statues and like ... shes this strange jungle princess??? i appreciate the mention of buddhism in sri lanka/south india but i dont think she was shown to be buddhist so .... yikes. also it was 7 minutes but it was weird. he cant do anything right. 

special shoutout to the absolutely horrific jauhar scene for valorizing and glorifying hundreds of dominant caste women killing themselves because their king is too incompetent to win in single combat. the way khilji wins is btw a pathetic attempt by bhansali to make his victory actually ratan’s victory even tho ratan is a huge loser who cheats on his first wife, drones on about his honor to the point where i want to kill him myself, has the military sense of a guppy fish, and is visibly proud that the love of his life wants to burn herself alive for him. 

also SPECIAL shoutout to the end positioning of the battle between the rajputs and khilji as a “dharma yudh” or a war of righteousness. it is compared to rama v ravana, and the kurkshetra war and khilji v rajput is said to be the third war of righteousness, akin to these religious struggles. khilji is directly compared to ravana. its ridiculous. its dangerous. its horrific. of course the victory of truth in this instance is that the women khilji covets (only the dominant caste ones ofc) are burned to death. to position khilji (whose army carries flags that look EXactly like the pakistani flag) as the essence of pure evil, and the fight against him a righteous war of religion in this especially islamophobic time is disgusting. the writers should be ashamed. 

As a movie, the dialogues which i admit i didnt fully understand are apparently overwrought, sappy and ridiculous. 

the plot was too much, there were a bunch of plot points that could have been cut to make a better movie.

i was never convinced of the central love pair because there really wasnt anything about them that made me feel the other was worth being their one and only love. the falling in love process was rushed to the point that i think it should have been cut out altogether and the movie should have started with padmavati established as his queen. 

the treatment of ratan’s first wife was horrific -- shes basically sidelined and is jealous a few times and then kills herself along with everyone in the fire. just ... bad writing all around. 

the editing overall was bad. the editing of ghoomar to make the karni sena happy was atrocious. 

i hated ratan, i liked padmavati for like 30 minutes maybe when she’s in charge of the kingdom and is smart, i liked khilji despite the ways he was villanized, i liked aditi rao hydari as khilji’s wife, i liked malik kafur. the visuals were fine but the battles looked weird. 

overall its a shitty bigoted movie that people are watching because the movie itself is like ... soft bigotry and portrays a bigoted worldview but the karni sena hindu rajput terrorists are stupid and decided to throw a fit and stone schoolchildren. it became some free speech victory to go watch a movie that espouses the same worldview as the ones trying to shut it down bc 2018 sucks. 

sorry for the long rambly reply, if you have any more questions feel free to ask! if anyone has more to add please do -- like i said theres stuff that i might not have caught given my privileged worldview 

[bongrollan]

Our Story

You arrived in a box.  It was a small one, an ordinary brown box that the grocery stores supply when you buy items too heavy for bags - a testament to how unprepared i was to pick you up and bring you to our home. 

A day earlier, your breeder just informed me that i could pick you up already.  And just an hour before that, i was there looking at your crate where you and your siblings were all bunched up.

“Choose one” Rene, your breeder said.

I tried hiding a tinge of disappointment.  I always thought huskies were gray.  You and your siblings bore a shade i wasnt familiar with - copper or red. 

“I don’t know. Choose na lang for me.” 

“This one.  He is the most lively one.”  

And so it was that fate, working through Rene, chose you out of 6-8 similar looking puppies to come home to Fairview.  

In many ways, the box and the unpreparedness of it all, echoed the unexpected impact you would have in our house.  Pets weren’t big in the Rollan household. 

Before you, there was only one dog, my brother’s shih tzu, Kimchi, who occasionally visited and dazzled us with his magic tricks.  But there were no pets who lived at home.  

So you can imagine the mixed bag of emotions that came with me bringing you home.  A pet in a house that viewed dogs as bantay (guard dogs).  And that i insisted you share the room with me and my mom, because at the time, i shared a room with her, was met with many a raised eyebrow.

There were no instruction manuals that came with you.  No guides.  I didn’t have dog friends yet (furparents) and so for the early days it was trial and error - not a perfect parent recipe to raise a young pup.  The days and nights were a constant trying to sift fact from folklore as Pinoys had so many passed down on how dogs should be raised.  

Yaya and I stayed out late for hours on end to wait for you to poop.  (This we got right). I didn’t know about crate training and how it can be used to house-train you.  So we did it by sheer effort. And had to wake up in the early morning hours to rush you out until you eventually learned to keep it in till morning

I walked you every morning during those early days.  Before you, i never ventured out of the house.  I was taught that the streets weren’t safe, that tambays (people drinking in the streets) would bother you, etc, or the occasional stray dog could harm you.  I also didn’t know about parvo, distemper, and all the other diseases that you - not yet fully vaccinated- could contract.  So i guess we both had to venture out and try to keep each other safe.

You kept the stray dogs that barked at us at bay. They barked but you silently stood ground until they backed off.

A turning point for us was when we both started taking classes at Betterdog, and then eventually at Pup Culture too.  I learned to be a better parent and you learned to behave. To this day, several dogs later, you were the most behaved.  You could read the people at home.  You knew when they liked you and when they were scared.  And you wanted everyone to like you.

I didnt know about the stages of puppy development - most especially the three months where a pup needs to socialize and feel safe about the world. Exposure was key as it would set you up for life.  And without knowing that, we stumbled through that too.  I mistakenly hugged you when you shivered at the independence day fireworks display and that reinforced your fear of loud noises - a fear you brought with you until years later your love for the family and being part of it was much stronger than new year’s fireworks and so you ventured out to be with the family anyway.  

A bad encounter with a water bowl, where an older dog snapped at you for drinking his water, made you possessive of your things - a trait that made people fear you and one that we had to manage throughout your life.  People became scared of you - as you would snap at them.  Some were bitten and that made you even more a wolf in their eyes.  But even with that horrific image and perception, your loving nature still found a way to endear yourself to others.

You loved your car rides and your walks- just like your brothers who came after you.  But your joy was different and in many ways mirrored my own.  You were happy for the company not the walk.  It didn’t matter whether it was a trip to bgc, or the beach or even to the dirty park nearby.  The destination wasnt important to you. It was the people you were with.  

And yes i didnt get that wrong.  You wanted people’s affection and approval where other dogs wanted the company of other dogs.  When we walked with our friends, you always stopped to check if they were still with us.  And you refused to go home and part ways with them.  

You showed your love in simple ways.  A howl to greet people - which to be fair either was seen as endearing or terrifying, the latter i don’t understand why, a slight lean on their legs as you sit beside them. You didn’t just sit for people.  Other dogs would sit in front of you. You would move to the side of the person’s leg and sit beside him/her as if inviting them to touch you - go ahead, i can be yours for 30 seconds while you pet me. And how could i forget the kisses.  You loved to sneak kisses to strangers as they pet you.  A sudden lunge and then you would gently smack their lips with your nose.  And you somehow knew which people were ok to kiss and which weren’t- that obviously you didn’t learn from me.

I would like to think that despite all of my shortcomings and mistakes that we did ok.  I would like to hope that for the brief moments you were happy.  I know you changed me in ways i cannot describe.  You touched me, yaya (who became your most avid supporter) and mommy (who was deathly scared of you at first) and i believe we did the same to you too.  

I always joked that you had to be gwapo to be a Rollan furkid.  You set the bar pretty high. You were the most handsome husky i had seen. Biases aside, this isnt an opinion of a parent with blinders - like when your mom says you are handsome.  Everyone you met affirmed the same thing. You had a face so perfect.  And your hazel eyes, mind you blue eyes were all the rage at the time for huskies, were perfect and full of expression and life.Maybe your looks were genetic- although to be fair, we bumped into your littermate and he was a far cry from you. 

Or maybe it was also an outward manifestation of the love you always wanted to share and that i hope we also shared with you.

We had several adventures during our time.  But now i feel guilty that it wasn’t enough.  I would like to blame covid for stopping our weekly excursions, but it seems an empty excuse bec, i’m sure we would’ve or should’ve found a way.  I feel guilty that my attention was split when we got your brothers and sisters. That wasn’t fair to you and maybe it stung when you saw them being more accepted bec they didn’t have your phobias... But for all their approachableness, they lacked your soul.  Maybe that’s harsh or maybe too early as some of them are still young and with time could probably develop the same rapport.  But you were the one that was attuned to the family and to people.

Its funny how when you see the sum of all the things we’ve done and learned - obedience, failed attempts at agility and flyball, nosework, etc... we never excelled at any of those. I suspect they were never important to you. You were never ball crazy like the others, never really hungry to run and jump.   You did them because i wanted us to do them - because for those brief moments we were of one mind.  I wish i relished in that more than in the feeling that we failed time and time again. For those countless hours of training and the brief seconds before you pee to get us eliminated, we had each other

I told my friends when they asked who was my favorite-  you know Winter is the crowd favorite.  The celebrity crush people want to take pictures with and get close to.  Haru is the mysterious talented savant that you would admire.   But Watson has the heart and soul you would wish from a friend.  The pal who after all the lights and sounds have faded would just be content to sit beside you in the darkness. No words need be said.  But both of you would be contented just there beside each other.

Watson was and is my heart dog. I don’t know when we would get our chance to sit beside each other again and just watch time pass by.  Or when we would play fetch, or scent work, or walk or swim.  Thank you for touching our lives

Last september 10, you once more came in a box.  Only this time, this was to be the last time.  I took you for your last car ride to the crematory.  They could’ve picked you up from the house, but i wanted to bring you. One last time.  

I love you my Watson.  Run free and i hope we see each other again.

[kosmicdream]

Flight or Fight Drawing mode

for me, i think there’s always this restless feeling that comes when working on comics. That feeling that time is running out or not being utilized to its fullest degree. You are aware of how much more there is to go in your story and can calculate the progression of your journey, but only the present. As you keep going on your story, the circumstances change, and it is always this fluid process you cannot fully accommodate and plan for.

I know in the few years since I started drawing FFAK my expectation for myself and my work has changed tremendously. Its something i reflect on a lot, since i forget how not too long ago, I felt like i was somewhat incapable of producing a comic because of the way i enjoy to write and explore stories. I still think fundamentally, FFAK reflects that raw unedited version of my writing and creative skills in a unique way that I doubt will be replicated again (in the same manner) even as i explore and work on other stories. FFAK just carries this certain kind of momentum of forwards and backwards both at once. You stretch all over the place and peek through small doors to go in strange places. Growth is difficult to gauge because of the way time is handled in the story. Goal points seem endless and bleed together from my perspective. There’s always so much more to go and so much planned that when you make accomplishments they feel sort of like a bunch of tiny small steps in many different directions. And honestly, No one is more impatient than i when it comes to waiting to share this story than me. I am always biting my nails and wanting to get it out faster SOMEHOW even though I work on it constantly as it is. FFAK is no longer just.. a random comic idea i started on a whim that I felt i would only dip my toes in and never actually attempt making. and now it really has consumed my mind like a wildfire. it is also my fireplace and my home in my heart and my peace. I don’t even think I could ever fully be prepared for and handle such a thing but I am glad to have it in my life. But as the haze.. shock? of starting this project starts to fade i find myself fully committed and trying to evaluate the steps and process i take for this comic as a whole. I think its interesting how 2ish years of planning basically gives me enough time to know what sort of story I’m doing. But I am in no eager rush to finish it because my excitement for it only grows and feels more satisfying the more i write and plan. Part of me gets upset I don’t blast pages out the “same” way anymore, even though i appreciate the exploration of ‘putting more effort’ into my drawings. Instead of drawing thru 20 pages a night I’m polishing like, 2.. or 4 a work night. Its kind of annoying!! because I’m not really one for polish and editing (or maybe I just never believed myself capable of doing it in a way i liked? lol) but.. it just feels like the right thing to do right now. it feels almost impossible to ‘rewind’ myself or go back to like, thinking things in a different way than what i try to do now. by attempting more things visually it kind of makes some things easier too. im often pretty surprised like “hey alright that came out ok. i guess i can push myself a little bit more next time to make it look better!!” I think about my early eggshells pages a lot and how i labored over like.. 15 pages over an entire year and felt miserable and in the end, often over rendered + lost clarity and energy and now i just get what i was doing ‘wrong’ to make it not fun for myself. Like, even when i was offered advice at the time I wasnt so welcome to it nor did i understand it, its like I had to suffer a bit before I was able to understand what I needed to do with myself lol. The lesson feels much more impactful after discovering it for myself too on my own pace imo. SO i am thankful for how that turned out! Then i broke down my art to its most base level (earliest ffak pages) and i’ve just been rebuilding myself back up since then and now I’m attempting things I didn’t even think I’d be able to do -- or be interested in. (like color, for example, has never been something I was too interested including with my comics but like.. blammo here i am doing it anyway now.) anyway. its really cool, this art journey thing. i kinda wonder how long ill coast on this certain part of it before i like, end up doing an unexpected detour again. Maybe I won’t..? i dont know!! FFAK is so raw and alive it makes me happy i get to make it and do whatever i want in it. I always wanted to make a comic that I could contribute to on a day to day basis rather than something you just make so you can get it done asap and move onto the next thing. When ffak does eventually finish I wonder if it will be really hard on me. I look forward to its ending because its really neat but it is not a world I want to let go of so quickly. Even tho i have several other stories I’d like to do.. (and have started a couple already LMAO) I think about that expectation with ending stories a lot and completing projects. Most of my very favorite comics have yet to end despite going on for decades.. and when i think about that too, it almost feels very strange. Readers generally want closure to reflect on their experiences reading something so endings are that important ‘release’ from that fake world and  time you participated in it. But when i ask myself what I want to do for endings to my story, i try to contemplate  my favorite endings to stories ive read/watched/experienced to figure out what i want to do with my own. Since.. its my story and my satisfaction with it is really going to be reflective of what I like. Everyone interpretes ‘good’ endings differently and like, clings into diff parts of what makes a satisfying story so its important to isolate what elements you find are important to try to replicate that in your own work. But like.. its hard to see what kind of ending you’re going to make before you make it???? And making the story is a difficult thing to let go of vrs just being funneled all the stuff. Maybe my ‘ffak reader’ half of me will be satisfied but will my ‘ffak creator’ side be happy? Will i feel fufilled on both parts? I mean an experience is going to just be an experience.. i cannot manufacture or control it to be anything than what it will be so to think about it too much is probably only going to go in circles. It certainly has changed me a lot as a person and an artist. WHich is disorienting b/c im also introducing my work to everyone while not also knowing myself completely. (not that is ever fully achievable but, its been something i get forced to confront a lot.) When I work on this project I fight so many demons of my own life, chase ghosts of my heros that i feel are so beyond my ability, and stare down the illusion of my own reflection of what kind of artist i want to be every time i draw a new page.. I’m never going to really be that reflection, and my heros will always be my heros and they’ll always do things I cannot, but I wonder what kind of creator I look like from the outside?? from a person who isnt me. I cannot experience myself as a ‘reader’ but I try to pretend I am seeing myself as one. And the most exciting thing about myself, from that outside perspective, is that I am not sure what I will attempt next or what strange journey i will write about. I am happy that despite every difficult thing I have been through, I am still excited and having fun with my art like I have only just first attempted to draw. Soon FFAK will be three years old and (likely) 4000 pages by then.. I still havent gotten to write and draw out things I planned the very first day, but now I know roughly how the story will end (without actually getting to draw it yet, of course.) And i’m just anticipating the future while knowing  that...i have no idea what it will bring!!! O_O (one thing is for certain i hope to fuck my house doesnt burn down again because, istg, that fucking SUCKED!!!!!!!!) Wooh.. well. i just felt like sharing some thoughts since i just got done re-reading some of ffak and feel a bit overwhelmed with emotion.. Thank you all for sticking around and experiencing this comic with me..! :’3 -kosmic

[already-taekken]

Untitled ch3

Hope everyone is having a great day! I so happy so many people have actually read my fic so far! I really appreciate it XD

Chapter 3

Taekwoon was wearing loose-fitting, navy sweatpants and a black hoodie. Apparently the hoodie had gotten a bit warm on him because the sight that greeted Jaehwan as he walked into his hyung's room was a strip of pale, flat stomach and a belly button. Taekwoon was in the middle of removing his hoodie and the process had revealed some skin. Jaehwan froze with his back against the door. His plan completely forgotten, he suddenly felt the need to take a gulp of the water he'd brought for his hyung. Finally, the torture ended when he tossed the garment to the side and adjusted his t-shirt to fully cover his midsection.

"Jaehwan-ah? What's wrong?" Taekwoon's soft voice asked. He had calmed down since they left the kitchen and had the cutest look of confusion on his face and... Oh no! Jaehwan could feel himself smiling like an idiot and there was no way he'd be able to tell his hyung why!

"I-it's just been so long since I’ve seen you! Ah! Here's your water." Jaehwan replied as he walked over to his now seated hyung. He handed Taekwoon the glass and took a few steps back. As he stared as his hyung take a small sip, his mind, once again, traveled to their time spent together in Cambodia. Jaehwan didn't have to keep up his cutie main vocal image. Didn't have to be anything other than himself and it was a relief. He loved acting cute but sometimes he just wanted to be Lee Jaehwan and Taekwoon seemed to understand this more than anyone.

With that thought in mind, it shouldn't have shocked him as much as it did that he liked Taekwoon a bit more than as a band mate. But it did. The last evening they'd spent in Cambodia, Jaehwan had come to realize he could be happy spending the rest of his life like that. Walking around with Taekwoon at his side, trying new foods and visiting new places, laughing together and singing in harmony as they travel, bumping into each other, arms wrapped around shoulders, though holding hands would be nice too. His thoughts were cut short as his hyung began to speak.

"I'm sorry, Jaehwan-ah. I'm so sorry. I know you probably don't even want to be near me but, I just need you to listen ok?" Taekwoon practically begged. He peered up at Jaehwan to make sure he was listening and Jaehwan is sure Taekwoon had no idea he'd shocked his dongsaeng into silence. With no response coming from Jaehwan, Taekwoon continued.

"I'm supposed to be the hyung. Set an example for you guys. I need to be strong for you all when you feel too tired to move....I'm not supposed to just...dump extra work on you because I don't take care of myself. I need you guys to know that I'm sorry. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you, Jaehwan-ah. Not just singing your parts but handling mine as well." Taekwoon sounded ashamed of himself. When he took a break in his speech, Jaehwan used that moment to correct his hyung on a few things.

"What are you even saying?! Do you really think I don't want to stand next you? Or sing with you? True, we had to take a few extra parts but we're a team! You'd do the same for us, right? Do you know how many times we've felt rundown but looking at you made us feel like we could try again? What happened to you could happen to any of us. We need you to be healthy. That's what matters! We're not VIXX without you and if that means you need rest so we can be whole again, then so be it! You're so important to us.... to me. I need you with me...so much it hurts...." Jaehwan sagged after his last statement trailed off. He hadn't meant to say it but, he wasn't going to take it back. Not like he was known for being able to hide his feelings very well, anyway. He felt his eyes, which were staring blankly at his own feet, begin to fill with tears but he wasn't sure why.

It could've been the eminent fear he would be rejected, or that a heavy weight had been lifted off his chest with this revelation to Taekwoon but, at this point it didn't matter. His hands balled into fists as he stood there, waiting for his hyung to laugh in his face. Instead of hearing mockery, he felt a large hand cup the back of his neck, long fingers playing with hairs at his nape and a thumb that brushed lazily across his jaw. His hyung said nothing, and Jaehwan couldn't bring himself to break the silence.

After what seemed like forever, but was probably no more than 10 seconds, Jaehwan dared to lift his eyes and take a look at Taekwoon. What he saw took his breath away. Not only had Taekwoon been staring at him the entire time, he had the most gentle and adoring smile Jaehwan had ever seen. He felt his pulse speed up when their eyes met. He'd laughed at the fan accounts he'd read, describing Taekwoon's gaze as dangerous. After having lived together for more than 5 years, Jaehwan considered himself impervious to Taekwoon's eyes..... but boy was he wrong.

He inhaled to steady his wild heartbeat and gave a shy smile in return. That was when everything changed. Taekwoon took two small steps that brought him directly in Jaehwan's personal space, his other hand joined in the mix, cradling the opposite side of his dongsaeng's face. Taekwoon's eyes traveled down, starting from the younger's forehead. Jaehwan followed Taekwoon's gaze as it took in all of his features, from his eyebrows to his eyes, down the bridge of his nose and landing on his lips. There was an almost imperceptible bob of Taekwoon's adams apple as he swallowed, and Jaehwan saw that too.

He waited, pleading in his mind for his hyung to make a move but nothing happened. Taekwoon's eyes were still locked on Jaehwan's lips but he remained motionless, still cupping Jaehwan's face. His impatience getting the best of him, Jaehwan leaned in and softly pressed his lips to his hyung's. That was, apparently, what Taekwoon needed because he immediately took charge of the kiss. Tilting his head, Taekwoon slid his left hand down from Jaehwan's face and let it glide down his neck, over his shoulder and rest on the small of his back, simultaneously pulling Jaehwan closer until their bodies were pressed together from hip to lips.

A slightly embarrassing noise, one Jaehwan would never admit he was capable of producing, escaped him when Taekwoon bit Jaehwan's lower lip before gently sucking the sting away. Blushing more by the second, Jaehwan's hands began to creep up Taekwoon's chest. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but he just needed to touch Taekwoon, to feel that his hyung was really there and kissing the breath from his lungs.

As the room started to heat, the moment was broken when Hongbin's voice could clearly be heard from the kitchen. When he roared "Ya! What have you done to Leo's food?!" Jaehwan felt like he'd been slapped. His hands, which had migrated to Taekwoon's shoulders in an attempt to hold on for dear life, pushed against his hyung, now in an attempt to create some distance between them. He didn't want the others to find out about him and Taekwoon. They'd never let him live it down in peace.

Jaehwan watched as Taekwoon stumbled back a few steps, that adorable look of confusion firmly back in place. Only this time, his lips were a beautiful shade of red and slightly puffy. Before he jumped on his hyung again, he figured he should try to explain why he'd put an abrupt end to their long-awaited kiss. At least, Jaehwan had been waiting for what felt like several lifetimes to kiss Taekwoon.

This was a dream come true. He'd finally been able to properly get his feelings across and then he went and ruined it only moments later. Simply to avoid the younger members' ribbing. It was just, he hated when the maknaes constantly teased him.

Usually he could brush off their comments but he didn't think he'd be able to handle it if they poked fun at his new relationship with Taekwoon. More than likely, that would include calling Jaehwan out during their interviews whenever he manages to slide up next to his hyung, purposely keeping them apart, making kissy noises at them in the back of the van and, worst of all, touching Taekwoon excessively. Everyone knew Jaehwan had a temper but, they hadn't seen anything when it came to sabotaging his time with Taekwoon. He really didn't want to have to strangle Kongs and Hyuk in their sleep.

Jaehwan wasn't the best with words, even when he was calm, so he knew he had little chance of coherency in this situation, but he also knew he had to try. Maybe if he made it sound appealing enough, his hyung would agree without too much resistance.

"Um, Hyung! I was thinking, maybe we could, uh, keep this between us....? I mean, there's no reason to tell anyone for awhile. Let's just enjoy the secrecy! Us being idols, don't you think it's part of our job to experience a secret love affair?!" He finished his rambling with a wobbly smile, hoping his hyung would go for it.

An emotion Jaehwan couldn't identify passed over Taekwoon's face. It looked a bit like understanding which is why it wasn't a surprise when his hyung slowly began to nod his head in agreement. Jaehwan grabbed his hand and led them to sit side by side on the bed. He laid his head on his hyung's shoulder and when Taekwoon started to hum a new song he'd been composing, Jaehwan closed his eyes in bliss. Things had turned out much better than he'd expected.

Both had been so wrapped up in their thoughts and each other that neither of them noticed when the door slowly opened. Their leader poked his head in to let them know they'd have to order takeout for dinner. When he saw their positions, a small smile bloomed on his face. He figured he shouldn't disturb them and closed the door as silently as he'd opened it. As he made his way back to the kitchen to grab all the takeout menus he'd collected over the years, he heard Wonsik, Hongbin and Hyuk in the living room, laughing about the mess he'd made of Taekwoon's pasta dish.

The smile fell from his face. It wasnt because of what they were saying. He was used to that and gave just as much sass as he could take. No, it was because of an unsettling realization. He knew he'd have to do something soon. There was no way he could continue on ignoring his feelings when his dongsaeng had been able to find happiness. He could definitely learn a thing or two from Jaehwan.

[vitalmindandbody]

Tragic, fascinating, bright- living for’ wild progeny’ Zelda Fitzgerald revisited

Two films and a TV line out soon portray the life of the jazz-age novelist and spouse of F Scott Fitzgerald

She is thought of as the original wild child, a pearl-twirling defendant girl who died at the age of 47 after a ardor broke out in the North Carolina sanatorium where she was a patient. Now Zelda Fitzgerald, the southern belle grew jazz-age heroine, dubbed the first American flapper by her husband and partner-in-drink Scott, is to have her own Hollywood make-over two films are in the pipeline and a television series will air on Amazon Prime early next year.

All three activities have starry appoints fixed: Jennifer Lawrence will take the lead in Zelda , a biopic directed against Ron Howard and based on Nancy Milfords best-selling biography; Scarlett Johansson will bob her fuzz for The Beautiful and The Damned ; and Christina Ricci will play young persons and impetuous Zelda in the Amazon series Z: The Beginning of Everything. The designation of the TV serial comes from Scotts awestruck provide comments on meet Zelda: I love her, and thats the beginning and end of everything.

So what is it about Zelda that fascinates nearly 70 times after her sad discontinue? In persona it is that the turmoils the couple lived through find an echo in our own hectic times.

Interest in the Fitzgeralds will no doubt been on the projected increase is not simply since Baz Luhrmanns film of The Great Gatsby in 2013 but too from the many parallels between their lives and production and the period were living through right now, does Sarah Churchwell, author of the critically acclaimed Careless Parties: Slaying, Mayhem and The Invention of the Great Gatsby .

Its a narrative of thunder and bust and it resonates as “were about” grappling with our own boom and failure, our own concern about the cost of our extravagances and our own social lacks. The lives and lucks of Scott and Zelda peculiarly mimicked their periods: in the 1920 s they were roaring for all they were value, but with the clang in 1929, everything descended apart.

It helps, too, that Zelda was so vibrant a digit. It begins with her beauty, does Churchwell. But likewise with the floors told in the 1920 s about the high jinks and recreation she and Scott seemed to have. Beings really liked her: she was surprising, intelligent, astute, amusing and adoration a good defendant. She too liked to be the centre of attention, and so had her detractors very. These occasions combined to draw her a legend.

Scott repeatedly returned to their relationship in his myth, most notably in his second novel, The Beautiful and Damned , which details the exhilarating early days of their union; and his mournful fourth, Tender Is The Night , in which the gilded daydream has faded into a more tawdry reality. Zeldas simply novel, Save Me The Waltz , presented the relationship from her side.

They were arguably Americas first fame pairing: a carefree golden couple who wrote their course into the spotlight, composing their own myth of gin-soaked days and fun-filled nights, simply to linger too long once the light-headed had started to dim. Their recklessness sees the fib exciting and dramatic, announces Churchwell. But they paid a the highest price.

After a few giddy times, all the youthful promise deteriorated away, leaving Scott a perplexed and drunk jobbing hack in Hollywood and delivering Zelda to breakdown at the age of 30, a diagnosis of schizophrenia , now widely thought to be a bipolar illness, and a life in and out of sanatoriums.

Her story is both fascinating and unfortunates, announces Therese Anne Fowler, on whose novel Z the Amazon series is based. Here we have a woman whose flairs and vitality and ability “shouldve been” became her a brilliant success, who was determined to be an accomplished creator, columnist and ballet dancer in an age where married girls were supposed to be wives and fathers, period. Her devotion to Scott was, in many ways, her undoing[ although] he was just as imprisoned as she was. Had they adored each other less, they might both have come to better ends.

The idea of Zelda as a bright girl caught by her period has gained traction in recent years, with a number of pieces re-evaluating her through the prism of feminism although it is not always the most wonderful of fits. As early as 1974, the couples daughter Scottie refused such affirms, writing that to make efforts to vistum her baby as a classic put-down spouse, whose efforts to express her quality were frustrated by a normally male chauvinist husband were no longer accurate.

Writing in the New Yorker in 2013, Molly Fischer agreed , mention: Saving Zelda Fitzgerald is no easy-going proposition …[ she] does not want to be anyones baby, and theres something mortifying about the literary readiness to domesticate her, to alter an irritating girl into an appealing heroine.

The new films may well further Hollywoodise Zelda, sanding away her bumpy borders and reinventing her as a relatable heroine for our modern times. The molding of Lawrence so often was regarded as Americas Sweetheart in the Howard biopic is no accident.

A report about the upcoming Johansson film in the Hollywood Reporter suggested it would draw on previously unreleased cloth to indicate that her husband stole his wifes ideas as his own.

Mark Gill, chairwoman of Millennium Films, the production fellowship behind The Beautiful and The Damned , agrees : She was massively ahead of her time and she took a defeat for it. He plagiarized her ideas and gave them in his notebooks. The wedding was a codependency from blaze with a jazz-age soundtrack. The movie has, nonetheless, secured the co-operation of the Fitzgerald estate.

Fowler agrees that there is a thriving propensity to utilize our own concerns to Zelda. We do anoint her as a kind of proto-feminist heroine, even though she didnt visualize herself as a feminist and didnt fully attain at anything, she supposes. But her original honour is based on conventional paternalistic standards of what the status of women, baby and bride ought to be and do. Her desires and her insistence on prosecuting them were considered inappropriate and undesirable; after her psychopathic crack she was literally told that this insistence had created her divide psyche and that the path to a antidote lay in giving up all passions that didnt conform to the paternalistic ideal.

Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Lawrence and Christina Ricci are all set to play Zelda Fitzgerald in the forthcoming yields The Beautiful and the Damned, Zelda and Z: The Beginning of Everything. Composite: Getty Images

The backlash against this image is understandable considering the fact that popular opinion of Zelda was initially driven by Ernest Hemingways notoriously corrosive descriptions in A Moveable Feast , produced posthumously in 1964, in which he dismissed her as insane and accused Scotts flourishing dependence on beverage on his wife.

Our perception has very much changed, mentions Churchwell. We have come to sympathise with her frustration, to recognise her endows and has become still more fair-minded about her alternatives. That mentioned, she cautions against attempts to create a Team Scott/ Team Zelda divide, as is so often the subject in famed literary partnerships. Its important to say that they always desired each other and wouldnt have appreciated beings taking slopes Fitzgerald wrote a few years before he was dead that it was a moral obligation that their friends understood they were a pair, a component and would abide that behavior, even if her illness necessitate they couldnt live together.

Churchwell is also scathing about attempts to suggest Zelda had a larger role in her husbands make than previously presumed. There are people who want to credit Zelda with Scotts work, which is just silly and doesnt do females any prefers, she mentions. Its not a zero-sum competition: we can recognise both of them for who they were.

Zelda had many aptitudes, but where writing was pertained she was probably extremely ill when she started to hone her gifts, and while it is true that Scott didnt especially want her to write partly out of territoriality but partly because medical doctors told him it was bad for her its also true-life that her work isnt in the same class as his. Her individual sentences are often lovely, and she can create a humor and has clever comes of phrase but her makes tend to be sketches rather than full stories. If they had acquired different selections, perhaps she could have been an important scribe, but current realities is that she wasnt.

Perhaps, then, the real key to Zeldas resumed pull on our imagination lies not in her design but in her modernity. I dont want to live I want to cherish firstly and live incidentally, she extol and it is that verve and desire for all of lifes know-hows, both good and bad, that unfolds down over the decades, granting each generation to see something new.

Z: The Beginning of Everything will air on Amazon Prime early next year

THEY SAID

I have rarely known the status of women who uttered herself so delightfully and freshly: she had no ready-made words on the one side and no striving for outcome on the other. Critic Edmund Wilson

I fell in love with her fearlessnes, her honesty and her flame self-respect, and its these happenings I would believe in even if the whole world pandered in wild surmises that she wasnt all that she should be.

F Scott Fitzgerald

I did not have a single inclination of insignificance, or shyness, or disbelief, and no moral principles.

All I miss is to be very young always and very irresponsible, and to feel that my life is my own to live and be happy and croak in my own direction to delight myself.

Other families ideas of us are dependent predominantly on what theyve hoped for.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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