#imma post this on private and then un-private later.

[arpeggiated]

I think it’s just another sign that I’m getting old(er), but I can’t believe that more than half of 2017 has already gone by...? I feel like time moves so slowly when I’m counting days and weeks, but the months pass by while I blink.

Summer school is kicking my ass lol. I’m supposed to be studying rn, but I ended up reminiscing on my yr so far. And what’s a walk down memory lane w/o a nostalgic Tumblr post? (Sorry lmao I get really rambly when I’m sleep-deprived... But also, this is me tryna document my life more, so why not?)

Anyways. Some highlights of my year so far:

It took...maybe 5-6+ yrs of paperwork but my Bà Ngoại (maternal grandmother) finally immigrated to the U.S. ☺☺ I have so many cousins on my mom’s side of the family, and we’re all over the place in terms of age, so our schedules are pretty diff but we do try to make time for her when we can. This yr was filled w/so many “firsts” for her and for us. First Christmas in the states w/her, first Lunar New Year, first Easter, first Fourth of July... One of the first (and worst) outings we took our grandma on was a trip to the botanical gardens, and it was still so, so cold from the winter, and all the foliage was dead. So not only did we probably bore Bà to death, we also got her sick. But idk, we went out to eat afterwards and basically spent the whole day together...--I guess I’d just like to think that she still enjoyed it.

I finally started school full-time again this spring, and it was exhausting, but...(mostly) in a good way? School is always gonna stress me out, but idk. I just wanna somehow find a way to derive motivation from my failures instead of being...overwhelmingly debilitated by them. Instead of being so hard on myself for even the slightest shortcomings. I want to find a way to be inspired by my progress, too, instead of brushing it off as s/t that just “should be.”--It’s unlike me to sound so...optimistic, but I guess I'm just tryna say that even if my victories are small, they’re victories nonetheless, and I should celebrate them.

I initially wanted to quit work but ended up just taking on a diff role in the office. And regardless of how I feel abt the actual job, I’m kinda proud of myself for being able to balance work/school although I kinda wanna try working more this upcoming semester...?

I tried to work on my life balance too. But idk, my life is boring in general though lol. Tbh I prioritized “fun” after school, family, and work, so I wasn’t always consistent, but I did try at times.

I made time for friends when I could (although, admittedly, I have lots of room for improvement).

Went to Vegas...which isn’t like me at all lol, who am I? (But 10/10 would do it again LOL.)

I think my “summer break” lasted 2 weeks. The most exciting thing I did was go on a mini road trip to Austin for Michelle’s birthday lol.

Finally got my navel re-pierced lol.

You know, I’ve been in a slump for a while but I think reflecting on the high points of my yr made me realize that, even though it was hard, 2017 wasn’t...completely shitty...? So, maybe I will try to do this again. See y’all in December. ☺😉

[wcrldliar]

   *    WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH MARIA         NOW THAT SHIELD IS GONE.         POST CATWS,  AGE OF ULTRON.

content:     welps,    cause it’s been uhhh bugging me   —    as age of ultron always did    —    because i really couldn’t understand what was happening with maria or what her position is,   so imma make it clear right now since i’ve got some time to think and figure out some rough draft of what’s up.    of course,   some details aren’t probably going to be as accurate,    but i hope the general idea delivers regardless.

warning:   heavy mentions of military activity tw.

i.                   post captain america:   the winter soldier.

maria’s got a job at stark industries.   however,    this is completely out of self-convenience because,   as canon has provided later,    she only seeks the job at SI due to the fact that stark’s had army of lawyers that can help her fend off any charges that may fall on her considering fury, the former and last director before SHIELD fell, was dead.

maria is now “privatising global security”,    but honestly,   she’s mostly just trying to settle the chaos post-triskelion especially since that the black widow has released all of the information to the world.    there are a lot of morally grey shit to answer to so she’s going to court a lot,   handling press when she has to   (  which she hates   ),    and meeting up with world council,  UN,   congress,   any authoritative establishment either national or international that wants her to just explain stuff that they couldn’t comprehend etc.

in the meantime,   maria tries salvaging as many shield agents as she could — but that isn’t easy.    mostly she seeks assistant in cameron klein   (   the technician who defied rumlow’s orders,  remember?   )    and begin slowly cutting the more-confidential files from the internet.   then,   she sorts through each of the former employer by departments on the daily.

maria is very fucking determined to save as many shield agents that wasn’t corrupted by hydra as she could.    most of the time,   she’ll gain access to the proper funding to give them the “retiring” money for all of their work and help them cut ties with SHIELD so they’re able to get proper jobs if they couldn’t before.   some time,   some of the agents reach back into wanting to continue their service.   maria is hesitant to redirect them to phil’s new SHIELD organisation   (    but initially,  and then later occasionally,   she does.    )   ;   so she begins building an entirely new department within SI under security for them to be able to do so.

ii.                   age of ultron,   and post the event following it.

continuing from my last statement,    maria now begins her journey in AoU clearly the informant and a liaison,   of sort,   of the avengers with the world considering avengers now,  as a team,   is operating independently.   so maria is handling their PR group,   their marketing team,    even the specialised unit that she has so they’re able to keep tab globally on the avengers' activity especially on the field and the follow up’s to it etc.

when fury came back with former agents of SHIELD of his own to assist in the ultron’s wreckage,   maria finally has the guts to put in her registration of the private military company that she’s been discussing with pepper considering she needs the funding.    their headquarters are to be at the new Avengers’ private property that she knows stark had specially built    -     with Avengers being able to train independently along with them,    and it’s where she has properly and finally set up the departments and divisions that’s alike to what SHIELD had been.

for now,   maria assumes the highest position   —    her title is commander,   in shield and currently   —    but,   in the shadows,   she still works with fury.   

iii.                   conclusion.

maria loves SHIELD.    she really does.    but after what HYDRA has done,   she knows logically that there is no point in holding on to a corrupted organisation that she’s determined to kill.   so she does.   afterwards,   SHIELD    ...    still holds a special place in her heart,   and she knows,   sensibly,   that there is a fair amount of agents worldwide out there that aren’t effected by HYDRA,   so she has and will extend help.

but SHIELD can never be revived the same.   and for now,    as it is,   it’s fine by her.   maria can deal with a private military company that isn’t exactly SHIELD,    but can be what it was supposed to be   —   especially in times of crisis e.g. the ultron’s destruction,    and she has capable men out there that are able to assist as relief or as a disaster assistance response team.

[arpeggiated]

It’s like 5am, and I’m just looking through my Snapchat “memories.” A month ago, I started saving snaps where I complain abt being sleepy (these are just some of them), and I think I’m annoyed lmao. B/c I find it…….kinda depressing…? Idek how I’ve been “functional” all this time b/c wtf.

My sleeping habits have always been shit but they’ve gotten so, so bad this yr ……..

[arpeggiated]

A few measures of

Beethoven’s Sonata No. 8 in C Minor, Op. 13 (“Pathetique”): III. Rondo - Allegro

Lately, I’ve been thinking abt how (tbh) I continually throw away over a decade’s worth of piano lessons down the drain (via neglect lol). I’m still not consistent, but I’ve been practicing.

A while back, I stumbled across this girl’s Instagram. I rmbr seeing one of her YouTube vids when she was like...maybe 9 or 10? She was accepted to Juilliard’s “pre-college” program. I think she still attends Juilliard? Or maybe Columbia, idr. But anyways, the Instagram clip was just her drilling through a specific passage of a Chopin etude, over and over again. In some other post, she also said that she records her practice sessions as a learning strategy? 

So I kinda tried to do that too, I guess lol... This is just a clip of one of my better runs, but I do find reviewing the video helpful b/c I hear consistent mistakes w/certain trills, etc. Which is prob partly due to my lack of...regularly practicing.

And by that, I mean that while I was practicing, I noticed that my fingers’ dexterity wasn’t what it was when I learned this piece the first time around, which was prob ~4 yrs ago for a piano recital. So I def need to do my drills...although, ofc, that takes time. But for randomly picking up this piece after 4 yrs lmao, I think this sounds pretty decent...?

P.S.

I know that the way I’m playing the piece is kinda...static but when I practice, I usually try to get the piece down before incorporating dynamics.

I know the lighting is kinda bad, but I wasn’t planning on posting this lol so it’s really w/e. I guess I’m posting this as a “note to self” to keep myself accountable? LOL idk.

[arpeggiated]

LOL I spent way too long tryna imitate this, and it’s prob just b/c I’m tired and sleepy and bored, but this entire process was just so amusing to me 😂