#imagine if she's so pure on the outside but ends up being like the worst monster or something

[no0dlecatk]

Emilyyyy (added the freckles cause I forgorrrr)

[romanoffsbish]

Excavate My Love

Originally titled “Oh Honey… You Should go to Therapy” 😗✌🏼| Hurt/Comfort | WC: 2,384

Warnings: Abusive Parents | Homophobia Referenced / Internal & External | Self-Harm (Punching) | Intense Feelings | Parental Issues / Heavy on Maternal | Nat’s Parentless | Self-Loathing |

Natasha felt a tension in the air as soon as she entered your apartment, it was her home away from home since you were in it; she essentially lived here anyways. It had been only two months as a couple, but you'd known (and loved) each other for years by now. The words might not have left your timid lips yet, but you were feeling every ounce of joy and pain imaginable. The sensation was odd, to feel the conflicting emotions at the same time while also feeling that pure, raw love.

You were trembling with the need to say it to her, but you were petrified and having a nervous breakdown.

——

Natasha saw you pounding a fist into the side of your head as you sobbed and screamed incoherently. The redhead took you down with gentle precision. Her body pressing your thrashing one into the mattress.

"Detka, what's wrong?" Natasha slammed your arms into the bed and pressed your head into the pillow with her own, then she began to hum a soft, raspy lullaby. The thrashing came to an end when you felt her tear trail down your cheek, and mix with your sweaty hair.

You blinked rapidly and your mind came back to you before it escaped again, but now she was out in the open. The deepest of your fears came tumbling out.

"She won't love you back," you mumbled, mimicking your priorly echoing thoughts. "Don't say it dumbass."

Natasha was mortified, had she really not been clear enough? Her heart never stopped aching when she was apart from you, a side effect of the muscle finally being at rest unlike when it races beside yours everyday.

It sadly wasn't anything she did, and the same was to be said for what she could've done. This was inevitable, you were like clay, soft, fragile; destined to crack.

Fate, or more so, your childhood had led you here.

Your mother drowned her liver in booze and offered you tobacco stained cheek kisses as you were ushered out of the house in ill fitting clothes, hair sopping wet in the dead of a New York Winter. The chill froze your childish face, skin stinging as the warmth of your tears began to defrost your chubby cheeks. It was fitting.

Unlike your parents, with each other or parenthood.

Your dad only came around from time to time to see (use) your mother. They'd made your little brother while you played outside, the streets empty of kids as the lights flickered on, but you weren't alone, you had your growing family of broken rocks to talk to. And the neighbors to eat from because your mother gave up the grocery money so your dad could enter the lottery.

At school you'd do stupid things, like eat food off the floor with a shoe print as a dare, because just like every time before he lost, and you paid the ultimate price.

It was a wonder how you even got this far in life. That the ability to love another wasn't missing, but in the pits of the fire you wished it was. It was all too much.

You only learned how to love from shitty television like Grey's Anatomy and corny romcoms. Oddly enough, the contradictions brought you a sense of peace. The hope was vaguely flickering inside of you, but the looming tragedy was always just a breath away. It was oddly comforting to see love at both ultimate extremes.

It softened the blow of your life. Watching Callie and Arizona is what made you realize you loved women. That and while everyone was drooling over the odd McMen, the resident Christina Yang, held your heart in the palm of her hands. Unapologetically herself, with a middle finger up to society, and everything that you found charming in a woman; in your Natasha.

Meredith reminded you too much of yourself, as you too took the worst parts of your parents to make up your personality. Until Natasha, you too found yourself drowning your liver most nights, following in your mother's footsteps, then after you were seeing blobs instead of people, your fathers as you took women home for fun. Breaking their hearts, but unlike him, the rubber was fastened to your waist with efficiency.

You were cold, and downright sadistic. You'd whisper lusty things into their ears, along with the sweet, building up their hopes for something more. Then you'd kick them out, in the dead of winter—your cousins taxi service made loads of money off of you.

You didn't care; love had only ever left you bruised.

That's why you sent the women anonymous apology flowers, because you obviously didn't care. You were as cold as the ice that encased your parent's hearts, or you at least tried to be. Truth be told though, beneath the well polished, stoic surface you were just a fragile little thing in search of a nurturing kind of love.

The love of a mother one would suppose, alas...

You hadn't seen or heard from her in over a decade. Except for when she tried to hustle you out of money the moment they saw you with Natasha online. Up until then they hadn't called you, it was sickening.

Your parents had kicked you out at sixteen when they caught you kissing Lily; they weren't homophobic. That you knew because your mom used to bone your ex-godmother and your father had special toys and modern women ran in the opposite direction of him (his decayed, crooked smile was genuinely off putting).

Your father tossed you out, but your mother slammed the door. After midnight, once your dad had gone to sleep she exited her house with a bag of your things. Flashes of a group home raced through your mind and you felt the tears sting your icy cheeks, a tobacco kiss laid to your skin to be followed by a deafening silence.

Her loss stung more. With him it was expected, but not with her because it wasn't always like this, but when she lost her mind that ability to love unconditionally followed. She didn't need him, yet she let him call the shots, choosing a twisted affair over the everlasting love of a child—her instincts barren. You don't exactly remember everything, some of the memories have been buried deep in your psyche, but the core ones never leave, they haunt you endlessly. You'll never forget the image of your little brother crying, face pressed to his window as he watched you leaving.

Your parents were the nightmare that hid behind the fable that is the American Dream. They were vile and you reckon he's the only reason your heart worked.

Your heart that beat for only a select few people. One of them being the woman restraining you to a bed.

"Y/N," Natasha said your name for the millionth time, "I need you to come back to me now moya lyubov'."

Your lip began to tremble and she could feel the shake of your skin with her forehead pressed to yours. "Oh honey," she'd coo'd, which really only set you back off as you felt entirely too undeserving of her love.

You knew you were deserving of some love though.

"I deserved better," you mumbled and her heart froze as she hadn't heard the phrase clearly. "W-what?" The redhead had been trying not to blame herself but now she wasn't so sure if she heard your words correctly.

She hadn't, and you forcefully pushed her back some to repeat your prior words. "And so do you Nat."

"Y/N," she said in a plea, "You're making no sense."

"I'm not good enough for you Natasha! I am hellish!"

Natasha scoffed, "You are plenty good!"

"No, I'm really not."

"Knock it off!" Natasha was pissed, but not at you. It all was making sense to her now and she couldn't cope with the appearing reality. "I'm damaged goods Natasha, how could you ever want me?" I-If my own parents didn't want me, then neither should you."

Natasha never had parents, so she didn't understand. But as she felt you trying to hit yourself (again), making her—the Black Widow, actually struggle she's not sure she really wanted to. Alexei and Melina, who gave her back to Dreykov seemed better to her now.

"Detka please," the woman pleaded, the croak in her voice bringing you to a sudden stop. In a split second the woman had rolled off of you, which nearly made you whine but your body followed hers. Natasha now sat with her back to the headboard with you between her legs, your head gently cradled to her chest while her other hand cautiously pressed into your back.

The redhead said nothing, partly because she wanted to give you space, but also because she didn't want to scare you off. You'd just voiced your wish to leave, and for her sake nonetheless. Silent tears streamed down her face as she prematurely mourned your love story.

Tragedy was more fitting. Natasha was conditioned not to feel and you went from batches of numb to these moments of total despair that you usually hid well. So well even that Natasha is only just seeing it, there were cracks in your resolve before, but never to this extent. Natasha was rightfully worried, she also understood.

The world was a cruel place, with unfair rules and devious people in charge. You were both outcasts in terms of societal standards, but you shouldn't be because one's past mistakes, or moments of despair shouldn't make up the entire person's story. They deserved better than to be held with such ignorance.

"I never had anything to call my own before you."

You jumped, startled by her voice that was full of fatigue and pain after an hour of eery silence. It had you sitting up, against her push, and facing her more directly. Breaking you even further, if that was even possible, as you saw her unmistakably bloodshot eyes.

"Natasha," you whimpered, hand traveling up to clean her face of tears, she smiled fondly as her lips pressed to your palm before she lifted her head to hold eye contact more fiercely. "What I deserve is you, Y/N."

"I-."

"I deserve to hold you in times like these, and to get the chance to show you how much I love you. Because I do detka, with all of me, and it's okay: our love is safe."

"No love is safe," you chuckled bitterly and she sighed, "Ours is Y/N, because we will work to make it such. I promise you that I will protect you from the worst."

"You can't promise that."

"I can," she cut you off, "I can and I will because the option of you leaving is not one I'll ever align with."

"I'm messed up Nat." The redhead nodded, lips lifting into a pained smile. "I know honey, but that's okay."

"Is it?" Natasha nodded again, and pulled your body even closer, your chests now touching. "For now, yes."

"What about the later?" You brokenly inquired.

"I would be there too, but I hope the later is better," she murmured against your cheek, lips softly kissing your wet skin. "I'll do anything to make sure you are okay detka. You are my main priority, which is why I plan to move in, officially, and take care of you."

"Nat—." Your rebuttal was cut off by a sweet kiss. "None of that detka, just tell me you love me too."

Your heart pounded in your chest, and you wondered if she felt the rumble too. If she did, she took no offense as she smiled at you, it was uncharacteristically timid.

You saw a flicker of doubt in her eyes; Natasha needed to hear them just as much as you needed to shout 'em.

Which is why you blurted, "I love you so much it burns, like if I took my shirt off my skin might be torched."

Natasha chuckled, unintentionally, because she knew you'd mistake the affection for mockery. "I love you so much that it feels like I'm without a heart when away. My mission's efficiency rates are so high because of it."

A sigh of relief left her when you chuckled, it was also in relief, she knew that much as your body stopped squirming; you stayed in her lap and pouted instead.

She chuckled, "What is it now lyubov'?" Natasha knew by the glow of your eyes that she could be playful now. You knew she already knew what you wanted, but you leaned up and stole a kiss on principle of being a brat.

"I'm sorry."

"No," Natasha softly scolded you. "I'm sorry detka, for not seeing you were in so much pain and suffering with your feelings. I should have made you feel my love."

"I did feel you Natty, I-I just couldn't believe in it."

"Why not?"

"It's never been true before, every person who's ever made me feel loved was only ever placating me," you solemnly said, "I know they didn't intend to do it, in the beginning they felt something, but it was a selfish fulfillment sorta thing. I have always been the person people go to in search of unconditional love, because I will give it without question, they'd twist it out of me. But you weren't twisting, and it's all so confusing."

"That's not love," Natasha grimaced, "I'm not an expert here Y/N, in fact I'm a late bloomer with the entire feeling, but I know now that I'd never give this up."

"Most days I feel like giving up, my mind is a void and you deserve a partner that doesn't come with that."

"Please stop pushing that," Natasha sighed, exhaustion obvious as she ran her free hand down her face. "I'm not going anywhere, you deserve someone that stays."

You mulled over her words for a long minute, both of you holding your breath, and only ever releasing it as you nuzzled into her warmth and whispered, "Then I'm glad it's you, my fiercest protector, my love, my Natty."

"My precious love," Natasha followed, "My beautiful, strong, resilient as one can be, detka—my Y/N."

[lefarte]

Can i ask how funger 2 or 1 characters which you can choose react to an enigmatic reader who is a yellow mage who makes very smooth moves like pure silk while also holding a very calm and nonchalant expression?

Yeas :3 I’m catching up with some of the older requests in my inbox

Abella

She’s enthralled by your mystery… it makes her think of a romance story.

She doesn’t know much of anything about yellow mages so she’d be making up fantasies in her head. And her crush on you makes her think of you as way stronger than you actually are. “Do you live in a castle?… have you ever flown through the sky?… Can you shapeshift?” “😐?”

Abella wants to try dancing with you. She’s actually pretty good, and can hold a rhythm well. Though she’s not perfect, she’s moreso happy to blow off steam. It’s been years since she last danced, and she’s never danced with anyone but her little siblings.

As the war picked up, things were so dour that she forgot what it was like to have a crush. She gets giddy easily. Like sometimes she’ll be outside pacing or lying on the bed kicking her feet because she feels like a girl again.

She likes that you’re kind of stoic. It makes her feel extra special if she can get you to talk, or especially to smile.

Abella would take some interest in learning magic, but ultimately have little talent for it, which frustrates her. But, she is okay with her fighting in the front and you staying behind doing magic. She’s a little insecure about way of fighting being less… elegant. But if it works, it works. She’d rather not fight unless she has to, anyway.

I can see her picking you up and throwing you so you can do a cool little landing and impress people. She’ll also carry you on her shoulders like a parrot. Basically I can see her just manhandling you in general, picking you up and giving you surprise hugs and kisses.

Pav

Pav doesn’t like people who don’t react to him.

He also doesn’t like magic or magic wielders in general. He used to be firmly against the idea of magic existing, though things have changed, of course. I still imagine him being cautious. You have a weapon that he doesn’t understand, and he doesn’t like that.

After a while he understands that you won’t attack unless provoked. He still can’t help but test that line though. Would you kill him if he threatened you? Mocked you? Threatened someone else? …Poked you?

After a few minutes of conversation he would get annoyed that his normal Bremen-soldier shtick isn’t working, and wander away with his tail between his legs.

Every encounter after that he tries to prod at you to get a reaction. After some point it stops being about asserting dominance over you and more out of curiosity. Trying to study you.

I think Pav has a very rigid sense of hierarchy, so he could very quickly acknowledge your skills, and if you were working together he would take orders from you. Quietly. He wouldn’t act deferentially towards you, he’s still going to try to pick at you. But he acknowledges that you are helpful. Helpful. That’s all.

Also I think that Pav is frightened of ghosts. The orphanage is his worst nightmare. He’s standing unusually close to you, who just so happens to be the only one able to kill the ghost girl. For no particular reason.

If he thinks that you’ll have a reaction he’ll do anything, so you can push him into the direction of embarassing himself if you want to be mean….

For example, if you fake going to grab a hat, like “oh that’s a cute hat” he’ll snatch it up out of your hands and put it on immediately. And then he’s stuck wearing an ugly hat. And your party will laugh at him.

Samarie

Samarie knows about yellow mages due to her studies. Though she has interest in the teachings, the philosophy isn’t for her. She quite likes the few mortal possessions she has, the small tethers to the real world rather than the magic she was born into.

Two similarly quiet people but both on the opposite ends of the spectrum. One nervous wreck Samarie who freaks out over everything and one completely chill you. She needs to hold you like a teddy bear while hyperventilating after every monster encounter.

Samarie could never do the danse macabre - or any dance for that matter. She’s too weak and gangly from malnutrition, all her movements are a little clumsy. She’s more of a Sylvian girl than a Grogoroth girl… if you want to dance with her you’ll have to put her on your back, or hold her bridal carry. (She’s tall but light, it won’t be a problem.)

Sometimes you will have entire conversations just by staring at each other like this 😐 and the other contestants will find it SO weird. Well, Samarie can read minds but that doesn’t count. She’s staring at your eyes the whole time and spacing out.

Sharing your magic studies! Trading skin bibles! She shows you little tricks she picked up from the Ninth Circle, and you show her things you learned from your travels!

Since Samarie was raised in captivity underground, she wants to hear everything about life outside. She gets such a calm and peaceful look when she sees the visions of your travels in your head. She will plead with you to hear all of your stories and see all of the memories from your eyes. Her heart starts beating so fast with excitement, feeling like she’s there with you.

Samarie will never be able to see the world outside, she is already reaching the end of her lifespan. She loves small things, like trinkets and souvenirs. She doesn’t smile a whole lot, but she gives you a nervous little grin.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Being in a relationship with Yoroizuka Saw Paing...

This boy is your own worst nightmare.

Ever since you first met, as children, playing around the village, he has taken a liking to you.

He’s that sort of dumbass child who only wants to play around from before sunrise, to absolute midnight.

You can’t just play all day, of course - You’re the daughter of the village healers, so, unlike Saw Paing, you are actually busy!

And not empty-headed.

To this day, you still have no idea what exactly possessed him to like you so much, as you haven’t even properly talked before...

But for the next 15 years, Saw Paing asked you out.

Every. Single. Day.

And every single time, you declined him.

Though he was exasperating, especially when he appeared out of nowhere, sometime even hanging upside down from the roof and facing him as soon as you opened the door to the outside, just to grin widely and SHRIEK good morning or whatever.

If you weren’t already the healer’s daughter, you’d have had him pay the bill for your hearing problem appointments.

Despite how incredibly persistent Saw Paing is, like a cockroach thriving through the radiations of Chernobyl, he’s still your best and only friend.

The best part of him is when he’s cooking.

Although you claim to cook ‘together’, it’s always him who ends up doing everything.

And his cooking is out of this world good.

Not only that, it’s also the only time, except for sleeping, when Saw Paing isn’t yelling from the top of his lungs.

He’s actually adorable.

You also appreciated how sweet he always was with you, being perfectly fine with being just best friends, and when you get a boyfriend, he doesn’t ask you out, but instead, asks you if you’re happy.

He also gives you the best hugs in the world.

Saw Paing isn’t good at giving proper advice most of the time, but he’s good at shading other people.

Despite how overly optimistic and positive this man is, if you want to gossip, he’s your guy.

He also makes you laugh big time, and there’s never a sad day with him by your side.

After 15 whole years and hearing 5478 times ‘May I court you?’ you finally agree.

He yells so loudly out of happiness that you’re pretty sure Gaolang heard him, all the way from Thailand.

Speaking of Gaolang - You hate him.

Not literally, no - But Saw Paing speaks of him CONSTANTLY, to the point that you can’t stand hearing the name of this Muay Thai fighter without imagining what kind of menace he is.

A friend of Saw Paing must be as obnoxious as him, if he can stand his guts, right?

For 5 whole years, you were doomed to hear of Gaolang Wongsawat, the fighter who defeated Saw Paing... But finally, after all these years, the Burmese is sooooo happy that you’re dating, that he ends up dragging you all the way to Thailand, to Gaolang’s apartment no less, and end up breaking in, despite the heavy security.

He also brought cake to celebrate with his best friend and girlfriend.

Hours after you awkwardly sit on the chair in the kitchen - And then he finally arrives - And he’s completely different from what you expected.

Apathetic, laid-back, silent, and he has a soft voice - Basically, the complete opposite of Saw Paing.

“What. The hell. Are you doing here.” the poor man dropped his grocery bags to the ground, only to cringe as he heard his name with screeched. “GAOLAAAAAAANG, MY ETERNAL RIVAAAAAAAL!” Saw was jumping up and down from pure glee. “Yell louder, I think my mum didn’t hear you, all the way from the village.” you groan, rubbing your ears. “Gaolang! Gaolang! Listen - This is my girlfriend, Y/N! Isn’t she the best?!” his eyes widened even more, hearing that name. “I see. Good for you, Saw Paing. But that doesn’t answer my question.” the Thai tried, in vain, to hold the obnoxious man down. “Yoroizuka Saw Paing, sit down right now.” like an obedient puppy, Saw uttered a small ‘yes’ and sat down on the chair next to you. Sighing, you got up and extended your hand to the owner of the apartment. “I’m not sure if I should introduce myself first, or ask my forgiveness in his stead - But it’s great finally meeting you... After so many years of hearing about you.” The poor man looked down at you, a bewildered expression on his face - He wasn’t sure if the fact that Saw Paing listened to you without a single complaint, or that you were the complete opposite of your boyfriend - You were actually normal! “I can say the same, Miss Y/N.” “GAOLANG! I’M SO HAPPY AND HYPED UP! LET’S FIGHT!” both you and Gaolang glared at the man and said a firm ‘no’. He quieted down.

You and Gaolang became instant best friends, and he takes notes on how to successfully make Saw get the hell away from him and stop stalking him even inside the shower, just to challenge him to a fight.

Though you both get easily annoyed with the Burmese, you had tons of lovely stories to tell about him.

Whenever Saw was too busy with underground fights to protect your village, you’d hang out with Gaolang and have a picnic in the beautiful gardens of the King’s Palace.

“When I was five years old, I wanted to play around with the others, but they didn’t really want me - I was never really athletic, being always busy with helping my parents with healing people - Saw noticed I was lonely by the side while everyone was playing, so he took the ball and got me away from the others. Said I don’t need them, and taught me how to play football and volleyball. He always went super easy on me and let me win. It was... Really cute.” Gaolang smiled, seeing the cute blush on your face - His friend was lucky to have someone love him as much as you do.

“My parents always trusted Saw to take care of me, so he let us go out at night to watch the stars. Saw tried to flex his star-knowledge, but he was wrong more often than not. He didn’t get mad when I corrected him and told him the facts, or when I’d show him constellations, or tell him trivia about planets. I’d actually hear him boasting about how smart I am, and how cool the stars are... Even though most people couldn’t care less about unimportant things like the celestial bodies.” if only he knew the fondness with which you spoke of him, Gaolang was sure Saw Paing would propel himself to the moon with happiness.

“I’m actually pretty bad at cooking, despite making revolutionary potions, concoctions and ointments - Pretty pathetic, I know, it’s actually kinda funny - But Saw was always so patient with me, and he’d teach me how to cook; And when I’d be too tired from work, he’d just come over and cook me a ton of warm meals - Of course, he’d cook so much that he’d need to stay over and help me finish everything.” though you’d only been together for a few years, your stories made you sound like the most lovely married couple.

“I had a boyfriend once - A real jerk that one, been together only a month - He got so jealous at my friendship with Saw that he tried to hit me for allegedly cheating on him. I’ve never seen Saw so angry, he almost killed that guy - He deserved it though. He got very protective after that. I always feel safe with him. Don’t tell him that though, it’ll only get to his head, and he’s loud enough as it is.” your laugh signified a subtle joke, and Gaolang was sure Saw Paing was already well aware of all the things you’ve told him so far.

“I was really scared of leaving the village, though I really wanted to see the big cities, learn more about the modern life and what not, but I was too much of a coward. The unknown scares me. It was Saw who always took me with him to all of his fights, and we’d go together to explore around. Somehow, we never got lost, even if we were in a country that spoke a different language. He saw how much I liked everything around, so he got us a cute house with a garden. Home is still home, but we also like to see new things.” you were so head over heels in love with this man.

You always loved going to karaoke and hear the soft love ballads that Saw would dedicate you... Though Gaolang singing the Thai Anthem was always hilarious.

Though still a little energetic and childish, Saw Paing was always incredibly mature and romantic, despite rarely showing it - It was very endearing.

He’d get you flowers from the forest every day and gift them to you - A beautiful day for a beautiful lady must begin with a beautiful flower!

You were always there to encourage him in his lethwei journey - Especially as you were the one to always tend to him, and worried about his health and well being - And you knew about his father, and later, his brother and their death while working for Sanemitsu.

Somehow, Saw remained optimistic, and you were there by his side through everything; Even if he claimed to be a man, and the one supposed to take care of you, you’d simply shut him up with a kiss. 

He was a fool in love.

When the Kengan Tournament began, he was more than eager to take you with him on the luxurious cruise ship, and though he was dressed in shorts and a classic hawaiian colourful short-sleeved shirt for dads on vacation, he had bought you a shit ton of super pretty clothes that you liked.

He always loves having you all happy and confident, and all dolled up, right next to him.

You were very happy to see Gaolang there also, so the three of you stuck like glue throughout the tournament.

You knew your fair share about fighting stuff from Saw, but seeing everything unfold in the ring, you were not only able to learn more theory, but witness styles that you’ve never even heard of before.

You pulled Saw in a long kiss when his first fight came by, and of course, you were sure he was gonna win - And he did, with great style!

Speak about hard-headed.

Of course, the Thai God of War also won, so the first night and the next day were filled with good times...

Until the second round came by, and they both lost - It was most devastating.

Unlike Gaolang, who became more motivated to get better and better, Saw was completely demoralised and wanted to completely give up fighting and eventually dig a hole and bury himself alive.

“You disgust me, Saw Paing! This isn’t the man who kept asking me out every day, for over five thousand times, fifteen years! You are a fighter - Get the hell up and fight!” you yelled at him, but he kept his head down. “Gaolang’s famous right fist is shattered - He can’t even feel it! But you know what? He’s still reaching for the skies, and he’s going to succeed! Why aren’t you the same?! Weren’t you always the one preaching about hard-work and positivity?! Where has all that gone?”

When he continued keeping his silence, you scoffed at him. “Don’t come sleep in our room until you’ve learnt your lesson.”  “I don’t deserve you, Y/N.” you hear him mutter. “I wanted to ask you to marry me once I’ve won the competition and secured our Village. I failed you both.” “You’re pathetic. I don’t want to see you again. Not like this. Stay away from both myself and Y/N.” came Gaolang’s equally harsh comment, which made Saw whimper slightly.

Until the coup d’etat, Saw didn’t look for either you or Gaolang - But of course, he had to protect you and make sure his friend doesn’t destroy his right fist and becomes unable to fight and protect His Majesty, King Rama.

All the fighters of his Village were there to support Katahara and the organisation, and with a new thirst for life and need to protect those that he cherishes so much, he made his way outside of the coup halls and in search of you two.

When he saw you, he pulled you in a strong bear-hug and started crying, asking for your forgiveness and hoping you’ll want to marry him, even if he’s a loser and a dead-beat that can’t win a tournament.

It goes without saying, all three of you make up, and Gaolang becomes the Best Man at your wedding.

Along with Karo, you and Saw were Gaolang’s biggest supporters at the Kengan vs Purgatory Tournament, and biggest cheerleaders once you saw the dirty way in which he lost - By a ring out.

Though his win against Cos was fantastic, you were upset for him that he lost against that dumbass Rihito, or later on, against Mokichi the Vicar.

Still, you were happy that he was able to finally defeat Seki after so many tries.

Your boy was improving so fast, and you were so proud of him!

Not only that, but he was also so positive all the time, and didn’t allow himself to stump down to such unexpected lows.

Wherever you go, Saw is going to show you off like you’re some kind of movie star, and shout that you’re his perfect wife and what not.

Would make sure there’s always flowers in the vase on the table.

And he’s still the master chef of the house.

Is also incredibly fascinated about gardening, so will tend to your garden.

Every time you go out, he’s going to come home with a new garden ornament.

Biggest travel enthusiast there is, but loves to stay in the nature, especially the forest, the most.

Despite how energetic he is, he’d urge you to join him in meditating by the waterfall.

Would also love to bride your hair.

He’s very passionate when it comes to your intimate life, and will make sure you know how much he loves you.

Be it compliments, confessions or touches.

When you’re making love also, though he’s not as talkative, he will make sure you’re feeling comfortable and relaxed; He’d crack jokes or playfully kiss you or move you around, tickle or pinch you, only to hear you giggling.

Saw might need some looking after and a solid emotional support, but he’s a fantastic partner on whom you can rely on, and will always make sure you know how much he cherishes you with his entire heart.

---------------

Being in a relationship with Wakatsuki Takeshi... Being in a relationship with Yoroizuka Saw Paing... Being in a relationship with Kure Raian... Being in a relationship with Tokuno’o Tokumichi... Being in a relationship with Kano Agito... Being in a relationship with Gaolang Wongsawat... Being in a relationship with Gaoh Ryuki... Being in a relationship with Narushima Koga... Being in a relationship with Hatsumi Sen

[starlightseraph]

efforts to rid my dash of the rpf blogs have been going well, but, alas, there are always more, so i’m gonna get my thoughts out about the most recent things i’ve seen.

so i was looking at a post i very much agree with, only to see this in the comments:

…

firstly, where did op mention david/michael shipping? they didn’t. at all. they were talking about the boundless “analysis” (stalking), and how it’s creepy no matter its target; whether it’s predicting the end of a relationship, finding “evidence” of baby trapping or abuse, or insisting on an unconfirmed relationship. all of this is weird.

it’s still equally as weird when the subjects of this wild speculation are f/f or not same sex. i can think of multiple heterosexual examples (it happened in the doctor who fandom, also in the house fandom, although these incidents were both well before my time. i’m using old instances because they’re less likely to ignite a fight, but there are current ones too). our discomfort with this insanity has nothing to do with the shipping being m/m. like nothing. it has everything to do with the fact that none of us know anything about these people, yet you act as though you’re their closest friends and gossiping with them behind the high school bleachers.

i am not assuming that they’re straight, most of us aren’t assuming that. i’m not assuming one way or the other at all until they explicitly describe the situation, which they probably won’t, because their lives are likely far less exciting than you all imagine, and they have no obligation to tell us anything at all.

with regards to the “it’s not speculation when they say it themselves”: georgia’s ig caption genuinely seems like it’s part of a bit to me. like this is totally something that can and does happen platonically, all the time. if she posted something on her story saying “yes david and michael are in a relationship together,” then that’d be enough for me. but everything we’ve seen thus far is just as (or actually far more) likely to be platonic. her caption was worded ambiguously, in a way that’s frequently used to describe friends with no romantic interest in each other. regardless, they know each other’s boundaries, we don’t.

oh, and, since it’s perfectly fine to make up your own “interpretations” of real people existing objectively outside the realm of your perception: my interpretation of the rpf blogs is that it’s pure wishful thinking. you guys see characters with a strong attraction, played by 2 people with a strong connection, and superimpose your desire for the characters’ relationship onto the real people. but, since you don’t see the actors’ lives in the way you see a characters’ story, you pick apart every snippet that you can find and piece together a narrative. it’s fine when you make up a fun story or write a made up fic on ao3, i don’t have any real ethical objections to fictional rp shipping. however, you guys go way beyond that, and you present your story as an investigation and as an analysis of real life.

that’s what’s creepy. that’s what we don’t like. the absolute worst part is when you go after the kids. sincerely fuck off with that. who do you think you are that you can speculate that david and michael wanted to leave their partners but that georgia and anna “strategically” got pregnant. i have seen people saying that georgia and anna are baby trappers, abusive to their partners and kids, stupid, and manipulative. i have seen people using these exact words to describe georgia and anna in relation to their parenting and the existence of their children. i have seen people say that their children hate them. none of that is excusable no matter what it’s presented as. at the very least, leave their children out of it, please.

[slashthrashandcrash]

What are some of your personal headcannons for Ghostface in DbD?

ooohhh...

He doesn't know any of the survivors' names. At all. Regardless of how many weeks/months/years he's ran trials with them. Or he may be familiar with some of them but wouldn't be able to match a face to it. Why should he care what they're called by when they're just gonna be on the receiving end of a blade? It's not like there's really been an opportunity for a meet n greet thus far with them.

Conversely, he does at least know the moniker of all the killers, but there's only a handful that he remembers the true names of (i.e. Amanda, Frank, etc). Y'know, the few that he would actually hang around with outside of trials.

Aside from Frank, he calls the other members of Legions various nicknames. But not as actual terms of endearment, just because he can never remember who's who lmao.

This is a general headcanon of mine but I like to imagine since Susie is one of the youngest (15/16) killers that she's automatically everyone's favorite annoying little sister. This extends to Ghostface, who has no problem admitting that she's his favorite out of all the Legion brats (especially in front of said Legion brats).

He doesn't know fuckall about the art of photography. Lighting composition, lens or angles -- don't know her. Goes off purely by vibes. It just so happens he also has a natural talent and artistic eye, so he never needed to learn the foundations to make his photos look good. Like being able to play an instrument but not be able to read sheet music.

He likes feisty girls, the ones that will kick and spit and fight back. He doesn't care for the soft ones that cry and beg for their life and are just overall pathetic in the face of death, where's the fun in that? The bark and the bite are what makes it all the more sweeter to subdue them with a knife in the stomach after they had almost escaped his grip.

His little floaty ribbons act as dog tails whether he realizes it or not, betraying any strong emotion that would have otherwise been hidden under his mask and unflinching stance. They'll stiffen straight if he's surprised, flick lowly at the ends when he's angry, wag when he's excited--

Before the fog, when he was still Jed Olsen and however many previous fake identities prior, he used to wear makeup to hide the collection of scars on his face courtesy of former victims. He's plenty familiar with color matching and foundation/concealer setting, he could do a natural full face with no problem.

Due to moving across states so many times and having to create new identities with it, he's also changed his accent to reflect whatever location he's at to better blend in at the locals. By now, since he doesn't have to mask that any more, he talks with the worst mashup of regional dialects you've ever heard. You can only pick up his natural southern twang when he's speaking with some kind of intense emotion (anger, excitement, etc.)

[ssruis]

I forgot to reply to the "horrific wxs planning" post my apologies... What I wanted to say is that I think it cured at least some of my imposter syndrome. Hilarious. And now we have More Pure Nene.

Colopale looking at Nene: too pure for this world, too pure... *Smacks her with the attribute again*

Also: I wanted to say that VBS never fumbled like that early on but I remembered now how Horrendous the card planning was. And by that I mean, specifically, An Shiraishi getting six unit event 4*s in a fucking row.

She's a 4* in An1 (obviously), she's a 4* in Akito1 which, despite the fact that she didn't play a major role there, I can kinda get, she's a 4* in Nocturle Interlude which she has no business being because Kohane is much more at the focal point of it and she's a 3* there is it's literally just dumb and why did they do that. She had like 10 lines. And already a copious amount of 4*s. Then she's a 4* in Kohane1 which is, again, yeah, makes sense. And then there's An2, also obvious. And then there's Same Dreams Same Colors (Touya2) with another An 4* with no explanation. In both Touya focuses she had a costumeless 4* as well.

An Shiraishi early game apocalypse. Imagine being a VBS stan in 2021 and getting hit with consecutive An Shiraishi cards. Thank god we're not in that era anymore

Colopale vc AN SHIRAISHI BLAST 💥💥💥

They have to stop giving the green thing pure cards. How long have her mysterious cards been lim locked. That thing is not pure & does not go outside enough to have the plant attribute on 10 million cards.

Speaking of being blasted with cards for one character, I think people (jp fans) had beef with nene for getting a lot of 4*s in the early days? Idk when that beef started or ended (if it ever did) so I just wrote out what unit events she had a 4* in (bold) (green is her focus)

(Wonder Halloween) Rui1 -> (on this holy night) nene1 -> (soad) emu1 -> (WMS) tsukasa1 -> (mermaid admiration) nene2 -> (RMD) Rui2 -> (PIMH) emu2 -> (dazzling light) tsukasa2 -> (island panic) nene3 -> (curtain call) rui3 -> (gleaming stars) emu3 -> (Phoenix) tsukasa3 -> (canary) nene4 -> (OHE) emu4 -> (Star story) tsukasa 4 -> (BLF) rui4 -> (PFS) emu5 -> (catch the criminal) tsukasa5 -> (POR) nene5

Putting the more readable version of that under the cut (long)

(Wonder Halloween) Rui1:

rui, kaito, tsk

(on this holy night) nene1:

Nene, miku, meiko

(tsukasa isn’t even in this set)

(soad) emu1:

Emu, nene, rui

(WMS) tsukasa1

Tsk, emu, nene

(rui isn’t even in this set despite literally being the person who came up with the plan lmao yeah they did not gaf about story significance)

(mermaid admiration) nene2

Nene, rui, and uhhh luka

(no tsukasa again lol) (I am doing this from memory and somehow forgot a card that I own)

(RMD) Rui2

Rui, nene, emu

(PIMH) emu2

Emu, tsukasa, and. Meiko? Meiko sounds right.

(dazzling light) tsukasa2

Tsukasa, nene, rui

(island panic) nene3

Nene, tsk, emu

(curtain call) rui3

Rui, tsk, nene

(gleaming stars) emu3

Emu, rui, len

(Phoenix) tsukasa3

Tsk, nene, emu

(canary) nene4

Nene, rui, kaito

(OHE) emu4

Emu, nene, meiko

(Star story) tsukasa4

Tsukasa, rui, uhhh meiko

(Unrelated) I hate typing out the full title but SOYOS or ASWYATS are such awful acronyms. Literally the worst event name I hate it. This is why I just call it tsukasa4.

(BLF) rui4

Rui, nene, rin

(PFS) emu5

Emu, tsk, len

(catch the criminal) tsukasa5

Tsk, rui, luka

(POR) nene5

Nene, emu, len

Takeaways:

> Unless nene5 doesn’t give us ruikasa shop cards, rui and tsukasa are the only ones who have not been included at all in a unit event. Tsukasa got this twice, which is an incredibly funny thing to do to the unit leader. I am still seething over no rui card for WMS though.

> nene has had a 4* in 13/19 unit events (8/14 if we take away her focuses). This doesn’t sound awful, but if you look at it by rotation, she had a 4* in 3/4 unit events by r1, 6/8 unit events by r2, 9/12 by r3, and 12/16 by r4.

> fifth rotation is the only rotation we’ve had where nene is not a 4* on 3 of the events.

> I forgot that tsukasa went from rui3 to emu5 without getting a 4* in an event that wasn’t his focus lmao… he spent all of the fourth rotation in jail. So did emu actually (tsukasa3 -> nene5) but nobody said shit.

> everyone else had a 4* in 10/19 events (5/14) (6/15 for rui) (I am not double checking my counting)

> nene did have a streak of 5 events with 4*s going (nene1 to rui2) but 1) I think she deserves this & I support it 2) two of those were her focuses.

> nobody asked but tsukasa had a streak of 4 from emu2 to rui3

In conclusion:

Nene fans during the first years 🤝 an fans during the first years: (hatsune miku vc) open your fucking wallet

Nene seriously went 4 whole rotations getting a 4* on 3/4 unit events… colopale. Good lord.

[lottieurl]

tagged by @mistyquigly and @lesbianlotties

rules: share some unpopular opinions about 5 different fandoms of your choosing

tagging @lesbianalicent @itsheliotrope @marlokelly @sameensass @ethanilsa @narraboths

okay Please do not read it if you might get angry or upset ok? pinky promise me rn

yellowjackets

everyone who follows me is pretty familiar with all my unpopular opinions i think? jeff is a shitty person AND a bad character, laura lee could have a fascinating corruption arc linking her faith to their cannibalistic rituals, i think lottielee is insanely toxic because they both enable each other in the worst ways even tho they genuinely do care about each other and have the best of intentions (which seems unpopular because lottielee is seen as this pure sweet little ship? which it is Not to me), jackie could Eat People you just lack imagination, mistytai is fun and compelling, shauna's pregnancy/motherhood s2 storyline was disappointing and retconning of her character. can't think of much else? um one thing i don't think i ever talked about outside of dms - although it's more of a fandom pet peeve than a show one but still - is that i Hate when people make all their munchausen by proxy jokes about misty. firstly because i have an intense aversion to that entire label like it's wild to me that there is a "disorder" that in order to have you have to abuse another person? be so fucking real with me right now. it's just an excuse used in courts to defend abusive parents and other legal guardians really. and secondly because that doesn't even fit misty. and it never did! like i KNOW people base those jokes on misty's behavior around ben in those like four episodes but we have a modern timeline in that very same season where misty snorts goddamn coke to stop nat from relapsing. like it just irritates me because it's such a boring take and such an unfunny joke and well the entire disorder is something i take issue with

person of interest

regardless of what you think about the plot of s5 due to the season being much shorter the pacing is really bad and it's so rushed none of it feels satisfying and earned and that goes for everything so whether i liked some specific direction they took a character or a plot or i hated it doesn't even matter. and this is i think not quite that unpopular but giving the machine root's voice was a terrible choice especially in a show that is so well known for making an AI character that has no distinctly human features. i think it's lazy and cheap

lucifer

mazikeen/eve is so bad SORRY i hated it so much it was so rushed and there was no built up. realistically if maze ended up with a woman it would be linda and their relationship was far more interesting and developed across seasons

the last of us

don't doxx me but i didn't like the gay old men episode it didn't make me feel much and i think it contributed to the show's overall bad pacing. i am a casual viewer and i have no idea what the fandom at large thinks but i didn't like it. i'd say more but i don't care enough to do that really it just did nothing for me much

a league of their own

i'm soooorry to the enjoyers but carson/greta does nothing for me and in general i wish the focus was more on a character like lupe or jess or jo instead. it's like okay i think although i wish there was MORE of max screentime she got a good amount but i did not care for the carson/greta romance. plus like. yeah yeah feminine white lesbian romance at the forefront idk i'm yawning there is literally lupe there. can we focus on lupe

[ruth-writes]

ruthswip Chapter 1

Chapter 1 of a rewrite of something I've been working on for a long time.

Content warnings: physical abuse (explicit scenes), homophobia

Jamie's POV

One-hundred and fifty-five days. That meant five months and two days. It had been almost half a year.

Half a year, which meant we were getting close to our first performance. Not that we were in any way ready. Lisa was supposed to be doing a step in front of me so we’d form a line facing the audience, but she kept stepping on my foot and tripping instead. If I had to hear the same few notes of This is Me one more time until she finally got it, I was rip my ears off.

Ms. Page looked as frustrated as I felt, but she knew how to handle it. She was exactly the kind of person who should be a teacher, never losing her patience or yelling at us. I wondered how she’d managed not to turn bitter like every other adult I knew. I considered asking her for tips, but it was probably too late for me anyway.

Lisa stepped on my little toe this time, the heel of her boot making me wince. “Sorry,” she apologized, as if that would make the throbbing pain magically disappear.

            I glanced at Holden, who was watching us from the front of the room. He should be practicing his solo, but there wasn’t much of a point when the backup dancers couldn’t even get far enough for his cue. At least it meant we could make faces at each other, like the one I gave him now. He answered with a small grin, making my insides squirm. Even more when people looked over their shoulders to follow his gaze. I quickly fixed my gaze back on the gym floor, blending into the background as best as I could.

            Ms. Page finally gave up on nobody tripping and told us to just try and get through the whole dance. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be, even though my feet were feeling very bruised by the end of it. I’d managed to do some improv to avoid the worst of the tripping, which Ms. Page praised me for while simultaneously scolding everyone else to practice more at home. Everyone grumbled their acknowledgement, and we were finally allowed to leave.

            Outside, Michael asked, “Who wants to go to Taco Bell?” Michael was a senior, and he had a car.

            A few people agreed, but Michael specifically looked in our direction. “Holden?”

            Holden looked at me, even though I wasn’t the one being asked. “I think I’m just gonna go home,” I told him.

            Holden turned to Michael. “Yeah, me too. I still have a lot of homework to do.”

            Micheal rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on. You used to hang out all the time.” Everyone knew what Michael wasn’t saying out loud. If there was any doubt, the glare he was giving me cemented it. Holden used to hang out last year, before he met me.

            Holden noticed it, too, his usual carefree smile turning into a slight frown. “Well, things change, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned on his heel and stalked toward the bus, me hurrying to catch up with him.

            I hesitated when he threw himself on the seat at the very back, still glaring. “Are you mad at me?” I came out sounding a lot more like whine than I’d intended.

            His expression immediately softened as he hurried to make room for me on the bench. “No, of course not!” When I sat down, he pressed a kiss to my temple and added, “I could never be mad at you.”

            I relaxed into his arms.

-

            If I was any good at drawing, I’d be able to draw Holden’s room purely from memory by now. I’d rarely spent a single day anywhere else for the past five months, and most of my time was spent staring at the walls while he worked on his homework. I’d given up trying with mine a while ago. I knew there was no point, especially in the afternoon once my Adderall had worn off.

            Holden’s room was how I always imagined mine would be if I could decorate it the way I wanted to. There were two framed posters on the biggest wall, plants on the windowsill that he somehow managed to keep alive, and pieces of furniture he’d been allowed to pick out himself. Best of all was the wall of pictures over his desk. The pictures ranged from him as a baby ‘til now. Some were with friends, some with his family and some with me, and everyone was smiling in each one. I knew that even if I tried to create a wall like that, there wouldn’t be enough people who to cover it with.

            That was fine, though. I could entertain myself, like I did now by opening The Battle of the Labyrinth again. I was rereading the entire series while I waited for The House of Hades to come out, even though I knew it all by heart. If I had to recite that instead of state capitals in school, I’d have A’s all around. When I was little, I used to think my ADHD was proof I was a demigod. I kept waiting for the day I’d be whisked to Camp Half-Blood and meet my real family. Of course, I’d have found a way to convince Chiron to let Alex come, too. Even in my wildest fantasies, I’d never considered leaving him for a second.

            I jumped slightly when Holden sat down next to me suddenly, holding his laptop. He grimaced. “Oh God, sorry.”

            “It’s fine,” I assured him. “Are you done?”

            He nodded and we cuddled up next to each other, my head resting on his shoulder. Holden tried opening Netflix, but announced after a few moments, “The Wifi’s not working. One of us has to go and reset the router.”

            We looked at each other, having a tiny battle of who could do the best puppy-dog gaze.

            “I don’t want to get up,” he complained.

            “Well, neither do I,” I countered.

            “I reset it yesterday!” he protested.

            “Did you? I don’t remember.”

            “I’m pretty sure I did.”

            “I’m pretty sure you didn’t.”

            He shut his laptop. “I guess we’re not watching anything then.”

            That was a move I hadn’t been expecting. “Are you serious?” I pouted.

            “Hey, if it’s that important to you, you can go,” he pointed out.

            I thought about it. “Yeah, no.”

            He laughed, leaning in close. “I know something we can do that we don’t have to leave the bed for.”

            I smirked. “Yeah?”

            We started off slow, kissing each other gently, but then letting things get more heated. He hummed when I kissed down his neck. I loved giving him hickeys. I wished he could give them to me too, but they’d be much too visible. I smiled into my kissed when he slowly started inching his hand up my shirt, but then frowned when he paused. I stopped to see what he was looking at.

            “This one’s knew,” he commented, gently touching the fresh bruise on my chest.

            I winced and he immediately withdrew his hand. “Sorry,” he apologized.

            “It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt that much, I barely even noticed it,” I lied.

            Alex would have known I was lying in a heartbeat, but Holden didn’t know me as well and looked slightly relieved. “Well, that’s good.” He pulled my shirt down again, covering the bruise. “What happened?”

            “Nothing, really,” I explained. “He was just awake longer than usual and ran into me when I was coming home.”

            I could tell Holden really didn’t like that answer. “Jamie, I think we should tell someone.”

            I rolled my eyes. We’d had this conversation before, and he knew my answer hadn’t changed. “No.”

            “Just one adult, Jamie,” he pleaded. “It can be anyone. If I told my parents, they’d know what to do.”

            I struggled to keep my voice level as I bluntly stated, “They won’t because there’s nothing anyone can do.”

            Holden just didn’t get it. “They could call the police,” he argued stubbornly.

            I wondered what it was like living with such wholehearted trust in the system. It must be nice. “If we call the police, he’ll put on a nice smile for them an beat me half to death when they’re gone.” I knew I was right, because that was exactly how it had happened when my second-grade teacher called them. Afterwards, the hospital had sent me right back home to him.

            A tear rolled down Holden’s cheek and he gave a sniffle, which pissed me off. He wasn’t the one who was in danger here. But he didn’t stop crying, and I guessed I felt a little bad, so I let him cry into my shirt. He was just worried and didn’t know any better. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to scare you,” I soothed him as I stroked his hair.

            He sniffed. “I’m scared somethings gonna happen to you.”

            “Well yeah, so am I,” I said a bit too bitterly, and immediately regretted it. But Holden never got mad at me, so he just hugged me even more tightly.

            “Jamie! Holden! Dinner’s ready!” We heard his dad call from downstairs. They’d started simply assuming that I was eating with them a while back.

            We went to wash our hands, spending an extra minute to wash away any evidence of Holden’s tears.

            “Will you boys set the table?” Matt asked us once we arrived downstairs. He was carrying a large steaming pot, so I carefully maneuvered around him to get to the silverware.

            We were having spaghetti. The homemade tomato sauce was a lot better than the cheap store-bought one Alex used to heat up in the microwave. I was pretty sure the strange chucks I was picking at were actual tomatoes. I tentatively poked a small one with my fork and forced myself to swallow it. I’d always hated eating in front of other people, especially when it wasn’t one of my safe foods. Having to pretend I wasn’t literally choking most things down was exhausting.

            “So, how was everyone’s day?” Anna asked like she did every day. I’d only been dealing with it for five months, I couldn’t understand how Holden had managed it his entire life.

            “It was fine, I guess,” Holden mumbled, trying to get out of the question as always. I’d come to realize it was their ritual, because Anna always managed to get all the details out of him in the end. There wasn’t a single aspect of his life Holden was allowed to keep private.

            “You guess?” Anna pried.

            Holden busied himself trying to roll the spaghetti onto his fork. He gave up on the polite way after a few tries and started rolling the fork in the air, which was pretty cute to watch.

            “Holden, don’t play with your food,” Anna said gently but firmly.

            He pouted. “I’m eating it!”

            Whenever he talked back to his parents, I prepared myself for someone to start screaming before I remembered that wasn’t gonna happen here. Instead, Matt made Holden watch while he showed him the correct way to roll spaghetti. “Jamie’s doing it,” he pointed out. “Maybe you should watch him.”

            I hated it when they did that. Pitted us against each other. Couldn’t he have just shown it to him and left it at that? Now, I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, and it was making my skin crawl.

            Thankfully, Anna remembered that it was still supposed to be Holden’s turn in the spotlight. “How’s your solo coming along?”

            Holden nodded with his mouth stuffed full of spaghetti, which Anna patiently waited for him to swallow. “We were mostly practicing the beginning of the routine today,” he finally explained.

            Anna frowned. “Still? Your performance is next week.”

            Holden snorted. “Yeah, and it’s gonna be a… bad show.” I knew he’d narrowly stopped himself from saying shitshow.

            Anna didn’t mention his hiccup. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

            She spent the next few minutes prying about how Ms. Page was handling it, how the moral was among the dancers (what did that even mean?) and figuring out exactly what Holden had ‘learned’ in school today. It was exhausting to watch, but I desperately wished it would go on forever, because once she was satisfied with him, she fixed her gaze on me.

“What about you, Jamie? What did you learn today?”

            This was always the most uncomfortable part, because Anna definitely thought I was being rude when I didn’t answer, but I truly didn’t have a single idea what my teachers had droned on about on any given day. I could barely remember my classes. After what felt like an eternity, Anna gave up on the subject, but she wasn’t completely done with me.

“How are your parents? Are they still working hard?” Anna thought the reason my parents were so nonexistent was because they were workaholics. She’d kind of come up with it on her own, and I’d never corrected her.

“Um, yeah,” I replied, picking at my food. Everyone else had already served themselves seconds, but my plate was still half full.

Anna and Matt shared a look that I didn’t understand, then Matt cleared his throat. “We were thinking of maybe inviting them over to dinner some time. You know, since you’re here so often, and we’ve never met them. They might want to know who their son is spending all of his time with.” He gave a light chuckle at the end.

Red alert. Red alert. Red alert, my brain blared. Had Matt’s gaze always been so piercing? Why was my fork suddenly so heavy? It slipped out of my hand and landed on the plate with a lout clatter, making everyone at the table jump. “Sorry!” I exclaimed, quickly picking it up again.

“It’s alright,” Matt said, even though he looked slightly frazzled. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, so he looked to his wife for help.

She seemed as lost as him, but she didn’t let it stop her from trying something. “Jamie, honey, is everything… alright?”

My heart was pounding so intensely I could feel it in my fingertips. I set my fork down so I didn’t make the same mistake again and put on my best mask. “Yeah! Sorry, I was thinking of something else. I’ll ask my parents, but I honestly don’t think they’ll be free anytime soon. You've seen how much they work.”

My sudden change in attitude didn’t seem to convince Matt and Anna. I cursed myself for getting too comfortable and letting my mask slip.

“Okay, you do that,” Anna said. “But if you need anything, you can tell us, okay?”

No matter how annoying Anna was, my heart warmed at her genuineness. I almost felt guilty lying to her. Almost. It was a necessary means. I flashed her a brilliant smile. “Thanks, but really, everything’s fine.”

She gave me an uncertain smile back, then transferred the spotlight to Matt. He excelled in it, telling her every conversation he’d had that day almost word for word. Afterwards, he hung onto every sentence as she did the same for him.

Matt always drove me home after dinner. Usually he put on his favorite radio station that only played The Beatles, but today it was silent. Maybe he wanted to give me the room to tell him something. I liked Matt a lot more than I liked Anna. He never forced things out of you, so when we talked, it was always about things we both genuinely wanted to say. I imagined what would happen if I told him about my bruises. He’d freak out, but still manage to keep his cool. He’d wait for me to finish talking and then figure out what to do. He’d only want to call the cops, though, no matter what I said. So I kept my mouth shut.

We said our goodbyes, and I watched him drive off before walking home from the house I always told him was mine. It was only a block away from my actual front door. Taking off, my shoes, I unlocked the front door as slowly as I could before tiptoeing through and closing it a millimeter a second. Then came the stairs, which I inched along, making sure to avoid the creaky ones. If that even mattered with how loudly I could hear the blood rushing through my ears. After maybe ten minutes, I reached the top, where Alex’s bedroom door was waiting open for me. It was right next to mine, which had remained firmly shut since he’d left. I pulled myself under the covers that had stopped smelling like him a long time ago and fell into an uneasy sleep.

-

The next week went by in a blur. Ms. Page made us put in insane hours of extra practice, even managing to pull us out of class, and by the end of it we were actually kind of okay. Lisa wasn’t even stepping on me anymore, and Ms. Page seemed to be finding the joy in her job again.

Then it was an hour before the show, all the parents were trickling into the auditorium, and things were absolutely chaotic backstage. People were running around looking for their missing props, then crashing into others who were pacing out of nervousness. I found a quiet corner and watched. We were all in basic black outfits except for Holden, who had a white skintight shirt. It made him look pretty hot as he frantically tried to help Ms. Page keep everything in order. I saw him scan the room until his eyes fell on me. He tilted his head, silently asking if I was okay. I gave him a thumbs up, and he immediately went back to yelling orders.

Once we were under the blinding lights of the stage, adrenaline took over. I loved these moments, when I didn’t have to think and my body just did. It gave me a few precious moments of peace that were over way too soon, especially considering all the hours of sweat and tears we’d put into the routine. It was humbling realizing that we’d needed half a year to get a few minutes of simple steps right so that our parents could politely clap and forget about it the next day. The adrenaline was already mostly gone by the time Anna and Matt greeted us after the show.

“You did so well!” Anna squealed. “I’m so proud of you both.”

Matt agreed with her, and I let them hug me after they’d nearly suffocated Holden. At first it was awkward, but then I realized I didn’t want to let go. I might have been imagining it, but Matt did seem to let me hold onto him a little longer than normal before they both started fawning over Holden’s solo. I happily joined in, seeing as he had been incredible. He was all smiles, eating the attention up like the shining star he was. And he was my shining star.

I didn’t know what came over me. Maybe it was seeing him so happy, maybe Matt’s hug had given me a false sense of security. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek.

After that, everything seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. Holden blushed slightly, and Anna and Matt laughed. Anny got out her phone to take a picture of us, but then her eyes fixed on something behind us. I heard someone gasp and then a voice that never failed to make my blook run cold said, “What the fuck?”

The first hit slammed into my head before I had the time to react. People screamed. I stumbled, dots in front of my eyes, and Holden caught me.

“Get your hands off my son, you fucking fag!”

He was ripped away from me and I fell, Something slammed into my face, then my arm, then my ribs. I was pretty sure I heard a crack. More people were screaming now, some of them calling my name. I ignored them, choosing to curl into a ball and close my eyes. I accepted the beatings until finally, everything went black.

[practically-an-x-man]

Gazooks! There's been a lab breach, and the zombie apocalypse is upon us! Which of your OCs are surviving?

Oooooh fantastic question!

(fun fact one of my little brain games when I'm bored and waiting somewhere is to imagine how good the building I'm currently in would be as a bunker in the zombie apocalypse. I've concluded that a movie theatre would make a fantastic home base and I could tell you why but that's a separate post)

Rae: Oh she's making it through. She's smart, well-versed in multiple languages and travel (i.e. less language barrier with other survivors and she won't get stuck to a place bc of sentimental value), and she has her shields to protect her from the zombies themselves. She's golden.

Robin: Would last a good long while, she's smart and resourceful, but sound-based powers aren't as useful against the undead. Breaking their eardrums with a sonic shriek deafens them, but it's not painful like it would be to a human. Not to mention, she's still got the handicap of being deaf. She can use her ability as a hearing aid, but she's still more likely to be snuck up on. My verdict? She'll survive just fine in a group, but wouldn't do as well alone since inevitably there'd be a rogue zombie that sneaks up on her.

Madison: Disappears into the wilderness and only emerges once the apocalypse is over (or... as over as it can be). She's just fine. Her one concern would be if Alex or someone close to her got bitten, since that would hit her hard, but from a pure survival aspect she'd do just fine.

Ophelia: Would struggle with the fact that her technology's shot (either by a classic apocalypse EMP or simply because the people running the cell towers and power stations are now zombified), but would make herself a bunker with all kinds of MacGyvered traps to protect her from the outside world. She'd be your stereotypical "antisocial but wickedly clever hermit scientist" character

Jasper: Look, I'm sorry, Jasper's so done. For one thing, they live in a very crowded city (New Orleans). For another, they'd get incapacitated by their empathic abilities so fast. Imagine it: the already-overwhelming battery of emotions suddenly becoming mangled and warped by the undead, the emotions too sharp and too angry and just not right all around them? Maybe they could survive if Kyle takes the lead (he already got brought back to life once, he can't exactly be turned into a zombie) but other than that they're sunk.

Quinn: I love Quinn very much, but she's very very dead. Her skillset is brilliant in the living world. She's clever, quick-witted, and can disappear into a crowd like it's nothing. But she can't run, and she's used to living in cities (crowded places, with few survival skills needed). If she finds a colony, she could maybe get by as a medic, since she's stitched so many wounds back in their old crew, but that implies she's got the good fortune to escape the immediate horde.

Kestrel: Very much depends. On the one hand, their shapeshifting means they can fly over battles as they crop up, and largely avoid the worst of the fighting. But on the other hand, their main defenses come from shapeshifting into a more powerful animal... and powerful animals can still get bitten. If any one of those zombies manages to nick an elephant's hide, or draw a bit of blood when Kestrel's fighting them off as a bear... they're done for.

Katherine: Dead. Sorry. She's got magic and that's great, but she just doesn't have enough hard survival skills to make it through. She's an artist, for crying out loud.

Eris: Would slaughter hordes of zombies and grin while they did it. He'd probably bring about the end of the apocalypse single-handedly, just because they're such perfect fodder for a good fight. The only problem would be if something happened to Rick - Eris can't get zombified since they're a metahuman, but he's always been the chink in their armor.

Nikoletta: Is more accustomed to social survival than true survival, and would probably struggle a bit in the early days. The good news is that she knows how to scrounge for food and shelter, and she can disappear into the shadows to avoid a zombie fight. But once she made it into that first rough patch, she'd come into her stride and end up not only surviving, but becoming the lead of her own survivalist colony.

[nemotheenvisionist]

Obsessing over Turnip head from Howl's Moving Castle

DISCLAIMER: I haven't read the book yet so this is purely based off my knowledge of the film :)

Also, SPOILERS I guess

Imagine you're a prince in the middle of a war with another country and one day you get turned into a scarecrow with a turnip for a head, you can't speak and can only really hop about, but you can think and feel as always, and the only way to break this curse is with true loves kiss. Seems like a fairy-tale. Well one day you're hopping around the hills just outside one of the towns your kingdom is attacking against your will, but you get trapped upside down in a bush with no one to help. When suddenly this elderly woman lifts you up out of the bush and insults you, before walking into the mountains which makes you think she must be from the town, and although she insulted you, she still helped you from being stuck so you decide to tag along. Not like you've got anything better to do. She's a little annoyed but asks you to find some shelter from the harsh winds, and wanting to help her, you go to find the one place that could actually come to her instead of making her walk anymore, she's old after all. She's a little nervous of course, who wouldn't be in Howl's house, but she thanks you for finding shelter. Before you part ways she loses her scarf but luckily you quickly get it back. Not long after you end up trapped in one of the joints of Howl's house, but to your luck that same woman helps you up, with the aid of a little boy, although she seems younger than before. Maybe that's when it hits you, this woman is also cursed, and you feel a little curiosity and kindness towards this woman. You decide to help her with her chores that day as a thank you and you watch her, she seems happy and that joy she gets from being mundane is beautiful to see, and for once, after being alone for so long, you feel connected to her, feeling her burden but sensing her hope that fuels you to stay with her. But then one day it's pouring down with rain and you find her once again, and she's crying, and it hurts to see her like this, her tears mixing with the rain, so you grab an umbrella and shield her, you wish you could offer more comfort but there isn't much you can do. The next time you see her she's crashing a plane into Howl's house, so you rush over to see if she's ok, which thankfully she is. But she's moving, and thanks to your own curse, you can't follow. You wish you could say goodbye, you don't know when you'll see her next and by this point you've figured out you love her, all of her, no matter how old or young she looks, because you've seen all the kindness, caring, and love that she seems to shine like a star. Which hurts you even more when the next time you see her she's panicking, she's frightened but she's still trying to do what's right as she takes out the fire demon and the house implodes. You watch as the house crumbles around you as water is thrown on the fire and you're separated once again from her, if only you could have reached out for her hand. But you keep her family safe, because that's what she would have wanted. She comes back thankfully, but as she releases the fire demon to the skies, the platform crumbles over the edge of a cliff and you'll be damned if any of them die now, after everything. So you give yourself, your body, the only part of yourself that could move at all, to save them, and it hurts so much, it's probably the worst pain imaginable. But that doesn't matter because she kisses you, the love of your life, the light in your lonely days, and you feel yourself change, and you're you again! The curse is broken! You're so happy, you finally got your fairy-tale ending, and it really is poetic, two cursed people from opposite ends of a war meeting and falling in love... but then you watch her. You watch how she is with the wizard, how she smiles, how she hugs him, how she clings to him, and you wish it were you. You feel your heart breaking but you can't show that, because it would hurt her to know how much it hurts you that she doesn't love you the way you love her. So you let her go, because you love her, and you only ever want to see her happy, even if that means it's not with you

[pinkvaquita]

akjdwiga okay so i don't have a name for her yet but i'm gonna call her manti for this because she's a manticore-

when manti would first show up in the story, she'd be in the cookies of darkness, one of the few cookies that could legitimately rival pomegranate's loyalty to dark enchantress, with manti's loyalty being about as blind as pure vanilla or dark choco

and her devotion is to like, cultish levels in the worst way possible if i'm gonna be honest- think catnap and the prototype dynamic, or in other words; de had saved manti from the brink of death when everyone else had left her behind, that spawned a false/one-sided feeling of love from manti, alongside idolization, and boy oh boy did dark enchantress decide to use that to her advantage

manti would be a good foot taller than de so she'd always be like leaning over or kneeling to be lower than her, to be able to look up at her "savior", girl was constantly feeding into de's ego at all times unknowingly

during her time with the cookies of darkness she was NOT in good physical condition, be it because of de making sure she won't be able to fight back when she's no longer useful and needs to be disposed, or simply because she kept forgetting about all the important stuff to her health outside of eating and drinking enough to get by

i imagine she'd have her own entire chapter where the story crew go around chasing after her and whatever hellfire she creates in de's name, trying to explain to her that de is really bad, and especially seems to be bad for her looking at her current state

throughout the entire chapter she's constantly trying to brush them off but as things go on she gets progressively more distressed, like she's seeing their points and realizing that yes de does this stuff and yes it does have this effect but she's also trying to reason with herself that it's just because de wants to keep her safe, that de does feel the same for her she just expresses it differently

nearer to the end of the chapter de does actually like show up, manti ends up collapsing onto her knees in front of de after being beaten the living shit out of by gingerbrave and the others (very much against their will they did not wanna fight her), looking up at de and frantically asking de if what the story crew said was true, asking if she truly loved her or if she was just toying with her

"Please...my dear, you love me, right?...They're- they're wrong, aren't they?..."

"Of course...I will, always, love you-" as de says this she's raising one of her hands, with whatever cake monster she summoned behind her, and she goes to slash down at manti's face

the slash does end up connecting, but gingerbrave tackles manti out of the way of the cake monster's mimicking slash, which would have ended up yeeting her into a wall and probably killing her- the moment manti manages to lift her head, her own jam is spilling from the claw marks on her face, and her eyes are practically waterfalls with tears as she stares at de with her cake monster, realizing that the story crew were completely right

she ends up just kinda sitting there in silence while the story crew take care of de about as efficiently as they always do, and when the fight is over, gingerbrave goes to check on her, sitting with her while the others get bandages for her wounds

"...Hey, I'll be honest, you did some messed up stuff, but you did it because you cared about her, right? You wanted to help."

"...I'm a monster..."

"Don't think like that! You were manipulated by someone that had helped you at your lowest point! Of course you were so loyal to her!"

"...I killed people, for her...don't you think I'm evil?..."

"I'd kill for my friend if I had to, even if you didn't know you had to do it to survive, you did. Yeah, you're messed up, but evil? No. Never. Maybe misguided though!"

"...Heh, you're rather optimistic one, aren't you?..."

"Of course!"

"...Thank you, Gingerbrave..." after that conversation strawberry and wizard help to patch her up, with little custard doing his best to hype her up as well, and then they go their separate ways, with manti promising to pay them a visit once she's done some self-reflecting and gotten a bit better physically

that then leads into a side story within the crème republic where she meets oyster and healing yuri ensues <3

manti's relationship with oyster ends up a very long slow burn because manti keeps telling herself that she's just delusional, she doesn't actually feel these ways about oyster, meanwhile oyster is mentally screaming because "oh my god massive lion woman help what do i do AAAAA"

they meet in a similar but far less severe way than manti and de, with manti having tripped on a pebble or smth and scraped her knee as Oyster was passing by, and Oyster being the extrovert she probably is, went over to help her up and noticed how in shambles Manti looked, because by then she was still recovering and hadn't exactly set herself up with a stable income, so food was somewhat scarce

Manti is feeling butterflies the entire time as Oyster helps her up and then offers her a place to stay until she can properly get on her feet after a little bit of explaining about her situation, but she ends up pushing down those butterflies as much as possible, trying not to let them fester and grow into anything because of what happened last time she loved someone for helping her, which is a far more severe case than would be considered normal

So for like a few months Manti is just living with Oyster trying to adjust to a more normal life, heal, and get herself a job, and she ends up getting a job at a bakery after a little while! She's getting better a bit faster with having something to occupy her mind, but she's also still on the fence about Oyster, unsure if she should trust her or not (later decides she's fine to trust after a particularly bad day where she spills everything in a fit and the next day Oyster acts as if not a thing happened, going as far as to say she doesn't know what she's talking about, because Oyster knows she has no business butting into other people's trauma if they don't wanna talk about it), meanwhile Oyster is in absolute pining central watching Manti's growth as a person like "oh she is so beautiful" and those thoughts getting Oyster progressively more smiley at Manti as she gets healthier and more social

it's probably a year or two later before Manti finally acknowledges that no these feelings for Oyster are not just flukes, they aren't seeds for her own destruction, she does actually feel this way, but it ends up being another half a year before she says or does anything out of fear, Oyster is completely patient with it though, more than willing to let Manti take her time and adjust to the idea of a proper relationship

it ends up being around the 4 year mark of them knowing each other that Manti finally opens up, explains absolutely everything in a moment of proper calm, and then they go on their first date and the other elders finally get a break from Oyster's ranting about her not yet girlfriend girlfriend

Manti's true proper colors are out by that time, absolute sweet heart with of course some trauma and maybe some flavor of neurodivergent, but either way she's a gentle giant and strong af too now that she's eating well and getting to work out more (working at a bakery is a work out in it of itself), so big buff lion wife Oyster's beloved (and mine too)

In between that time she does go to check on the story crew, and they hardly recognize her until they hear her voice, and then they're all immediately super excited to see her and are showering her with compliments telling her how proud they are that she's doing better, chili even getting in on the pride train with a little compliment or two

alright i think that's all my rambling- for now at least, glad to finally get those words out onto something-

... I need a book of this , a webtoon of the book, a series of the webtoon of the book, and fanfics of the series of the webtoon of the book. NOW.

This Is such a good fucking story. Omg you have it all figure it out-

[fiberflxwer]

Faye Stats Meta 01 - Bases & Growths

Going to start a series of metas on Faye (and probably my other muses, honestly) to go over their gameplay aspects and how they contribute to how I would like to portray/view them here! Honestly I find this very interesting for Faye especially, considering her position as a very malleable unit thanks to SoV’s Villager system. However, this post will focus much more on the numbers involved in her stats rather than the classes, which I plan to do next.

It is true that FE2/15 is a game with infamously lower growth rates compared to other Fire Emblems, but even if the numbers can sometimes mesh together, I believe they are still capable of telling a story about the characters. This is doubly true for Faye, one of the totally original units when it comes to SoV.

I will start with providing the images of her base stats and growth rates (posted successively), and then break down each stat one by one. Credit to Serenes Forest for the provided images!

STARTING LEVEL: 1

Yes, I believe this is a crucial piece for Faye characterization! Faye is the only villager to start from scratch at Level 1. Gray begins at 5, Tobin at 3 (both already able to promote without any training needed), Kliff at 2, and even Atlas gets to be 10. She needs the most EXP-feeding out of anyone to even get a start in the Deliverance.

HP: 19 BASE & 40% GROWTH

Faye begins with the 2nd-lowest HP stat, with the lowest being both Silque and Genny at 18. Her 40% growth is also rather below-average, with the pre-promoted units, Est, and Kliff, and Clair being the only ones lower. More people tie with 40% still, so there isn’t much to truly say here other than she starts off more frail than the others and can struggle to catch up through normal means.

ATK: 8 BASE & 40% GROWTH

Faye is actually the 2nd strongest Ram Villager, as Gray has 9 ATK and both Tobin and Kliff tie at 7. It is still a below-average base stat when compared to others in the game, but it fits her early-game recruitment period. In fact, Faye and Gray share their ATK growth as well, while Tobin and Kliff share a 30% growth. I wouldn’t immediately point to this as Faye being capable of getting physically strong, but I believe this generally suits her burning motivation to go on this warpath for her friends.

SKL: 1 BASE & 30% GROWTH

You can’t get any lower than this for a base, shown with how only Kliff shares 1 SKL with Faye. Even with the relatively low base SKL of the other villagers, this definitely paints Faye as the least-experienced of the four, even with Mycen’s training. Her SKL growth is also rather low, being the 3rd-lowest in the game due to Python & Nomah tying at 25% and Mycen at 10%. With a lack of an actual battle background outside of her training, it’s easy to see why she would struggle in the SKL department.

SPD: 2 BASE & 30% GROWTH

Faye is once again at the bottom in this stat, only tying with Valbar and fellow villager Kliff. I imagine her footing while fighting (especially early on) to be very unstable and she lacks the ability to easily follow up, even in a game where the required speed to double is as low as 1. Her 30% growth this time around is actually more on the average end, as most SPD growths turn out to be lower than the best ATK or SKL ones. Still, she is unlikely to become as nimble as the Deliverance soldiers or even Kliff, who has an impressive 60% growth!

LCK: 6 BASE & 30% GROWTH

A base that isn’t below-average! Out of the four villagers, only Kliff beats Faye in LCK with a base of 10. Out of all of the growths as well, LCK appears to be on the lower-end, meaning 30% is not the worst to have in this situation either.

In my head, there’s 2 main ways to take the LCK stat: as pure, actual luck or as a link to the gods. I do not headcanon Faye to be particularly religious, but nor would I truly consider her a “lucky” person. All in all, I’d lean more on the idea that Faye can be fortunate at times and wouldn’t overthink this stat.

DEF: 3 BASE & 40% GROWTH

More low stats, though there are a couple of 2s and 1s throughout the cast belonging to squishier mages or clerics. Delthea and Tatiana share the 3 DEF, which I think suits a girl like Faye who has more experience training in offense rather than training in defense. Her 40% growth here actually…looks to be a bit above-average? I actually quite like this, as Faye strikes me as a resistant person who would refuse to back down until absolutely necessary.

RES: 6 BASE & 3% GROWTH

RES is a fickle stat in SoV, with everyone in the base game having either single-digit RES growths or a straight-up 0% growth. Faye's is above-average for the starting party, with only Kliff (once again) beating her with a base of 8 RES. RES is obviously linked heavily to magic, but back at home I don't really think Faye had much exposure to such. 3% is still one of the higher growths in Alm's army, so I would probably connect this to her defensive ability and refusal to give up easily.

ITEM: ORANGE

Girl gets to bring a little snack on her roadtrip! But in all seriousness, I see this as Faye mainly bringing along a reminder of her home, a place that she holds very dearly. ...something to eat on the way helps too.

TOL./FATIGUE TOLERANCE: 0.4

For those unfamiliar, TOL is the stat used to determine how quickly units get tired during dungeon battling (it shows up for normal battles as well, but has no direct gameplay impact). As for Faye, 0.4 is the lowest the stat can be, and without a way to grow or change it, she remains as one of the only units that will tire easily during dungeon-crawling. At least Kliff shares this low tolerance with her as well!

SUMMARY

To be honest, with 30%s and 40%s all over her growths, I do wish more flavor was put into Faye's stat spread. Even so, I also appreciate the way this embraces the adaptability of the villager class. The way that stats work in SoV, in which the unit immediately obtains the bases of the class they promote to, makes her easy to work with even with her low start. (Do note that classes slightly change growth rates as well, but I will mainly consider that for Meta 02.)

She is also the only female villager in the game (at least when not considering Pitchfork DLC shenanigans), meaning she gets access to gender-locked classes such as Cleric, Pegasus Knight, and Priestess (from promoted Mage) that the other boys cannot reach. I believe this is what mainly leads to the high variance of portrayal of Faye's classes, as the Drama CD uses her as a Pegasus Knight while several Cipher cards have her using white magic. (For reference, Gray/Tobin/Kliff get Cipher cards that stick to their base interests stated in SoV.) And then there's the case of FEH making her a bow unit, which...I'll stick to covering in Meta 02.

Another small note: as I mentioned in the ATK section, I don't really consider Faye to have great physical strength, considering that SoV makes STR and MAG a single stat rather than the way other FEs do it. If I could, I probably would make Faye have a slightly below-average experience in STR and a slightly better chance in MAG, though this could depend on her chosen class route.

[flockofdoves]

i think its important to retain compassion and make sure when i actually talk to her i am open to listening to whatever she has to say. obviously thats important even just on purely a level of wanting communication to go well and for her to be receptive to solutions. but also of course there needs to be space kept for me and my gf to vent our frustration on our own time bc just bc pretty much almost everyone can always have some sort of personal justification for why they did something within their constricted circumstances obviously that doesn't mean people hurt by that dont still have reasons to be upset or resent the situation. and i'm trying to be good and healthy in how i balance these two things. 

i'm not always the best at conversations i can be a bit conflict avoidant and i have given up on talking about any of this for a while after my last half assed attempts at communication about this stuff failed (even if i think to be fair to myself some of it very clearly goes beyond what i'd imagine the scope of any misalignment of expectations from past experiences in different living situations could cause. like sure ok maybe you've used other peoples dishes in the past but i cant imagine it takes communication (which i did w this actually!) to know that if you've then let those dishes mold for a month throwing out that persons dishes after they ask you to wash them after they see them outside is not an acceptable next step) but i’m really trying to expend the effort to be better at communicating

but every time i’ve tried she avoids it somehow. and i keep trying harder in more direct but still not aggressive ways and i’m sure theres still more i could do but its just so so frustrating having it continue on this way. 

i feel like theres no space for me to even healthily balance my frustration with not letting that boil into any actual opportunity to talk because its just like a constant situation of having to hope that she’ll actually not avoid things this time and i need to emotionally prep myself for conversation so that i won’t unproductively just come across as angry (or just like. so shaky i cant talk lol) and because i’m just like fucking constantly having to put myself in that state theres not even a healthy space to even be properly mad during me and my gfs time when shes not around

i’m just so so so sick of this i’m so constantly stressed and sad about all of this this is the worst roommate situation i’ve ever been in even when just like. in fun conversations before she was avoiding us and that i still overhear w her friends i really enjoy my roommate. like thats really saying something when i’ve had a homophobic passive aggressive roommate before and a roommate that always turned the thermostat up to 90 degrees!!! but this is still (even after her wayyyy lowballing the utility bills “at their worst” looking back lmao) like the cheapest place i’ve seen around here with this fucking housing crisis happening around my college and at this point itd literally be too late to find anything good for when this lease ends i don’t know what to fucking do i was panicking about housing this time last year and it felt like it might fall through at like any moment once we did secure this apartment last august and then like so soon after that everything started to gradually get more and more stressful as more things happened with our roommate so its been like a fucking year of housing stress about stuff but we didn’t even start early bc it cost so much to furnish this place so our room wasnt just so deeply stressful to live in with the amount of unpacked boxes for months that we only just finally had all the furniture and storage to actually put away that we kept being like well i’m sure if we just communicate better it can improve because we really want to keep living here and dont want to go through All That with apartment applications and moving again any time soon but also jesus christ what if it just doesnt fucking change im in fucking limbo

[marjaystuff]

Hunting Colton’s Witness

The Coltons of Owl Creek Book 8

Anna J. Stewart

August 20th, 2024

Hunting Colton’s Witness by Ann J. Stewart is part of a series where each book has different stories written by different authors. In this book, the heroine Vivian Maylor, becomes Detective Nate Colton’s key witness. He is attracted to her from the get-go. His determination to keep their relationship purely professional falls apart after an attempt on her life almost succeeds. With help from his newfound Colton family, Nate is hoping to keep Vivian safe. But when he finds out Vivian might have a connection to a bigger case, the attempts on her life become more frequent. The intensity ratches up with both the mystery and with their relationship.

Elise Cooper: Regarding Hunting Colton’s Witness how did you get the idea for the story?

Anna J. Stewart: The idea came from Harlequin. As this is part of the ongoing Colton series for the Romantic Suspense line, they come up with the stories and characters, send me a synopsis/outline of it and then I put my twist, voice, and words to it. One of the reasons I love writing for this series is that I never know what kind of characters I’ll get or the type of story. It’s a nice surprise and a great way to shake up my storytelling abilities.

EC: Is this the last Colton book in the series?

AJS: Oh, no. There are 12 in this series all together, and I’m book 8. They each stand alone, but they each also carry through various threads regarding an over-arching plot or family element. So, there will be 4 more after mine (and 7 before, I think. (If my math is correct, LOL). I don’t imagine Harlequin will end the Colton’s any time soon. The fans of these books are numerous and devoted!

EC: How would you describe Vivian?

AJS: She’s a loner and very nervous. Being outside her comfort zone, which happens to be her home, is not her happy place. She does have a surprising sense of humor, but I think that’s more my influence, LOL. She’s learning how to cope better, I think, and pushing herself to take chances, which is how she ends up on a blind date in the first place. But of course, that doesn’t go well, and she ends up in an unexpected and rather dangerous adventure. She ended up growing a lot during her story and proving to herself she can handle a lot more than she ever thought she could. 

EC:  How did her parent’s death in a car accident affect her?

AJS: I think that one event changed the trajectory of her life. Trauma like that tends to affect everything that comes after. It’s why she doesn’t like to drive, and only does it when she must. She’s not fatalistic per say, but she’s also one who tends to worry the worst is going to happen. Her journey is to accept that the worse can happen and everything will still turn out okay. So, while that one event impacted her life, by the end of the book, she’s come through something in a way that removes that dread she’s carried with her since the accident. 

EC: How would you describe Nate?

AJS: Protective, practical, realist, over achiever, and charming. First, I think it’s inherent in all the Colton heroes and secondly, as a cop, good cops at least, have that level of compassion that makes them good at their jobs. At least the cops I write about. I’m not sure he’d consider himself charming, which by default means he is. He’s good at what he does and there’s a confidence that comes with that self-assuredness that is incredibly appealing. The protective instinct he carries comes from his background with a complicated family dynamic, so I think in a lot of ways it goes into overdrive where Vivian is concerned. It’s literally one of those things where the instant he sees her, he knows life isn’t going to be the same. Those are the most fun stories to write. 

EC: How would you describe the relationship between them?

AJS: Respectful. I think that’s at the heart of their relationship. She’s not typical of the heroines I tend to write. She’s less confident and more insular and isolated by choice. But Nate never tries to change her. He accepts her as she is without question. That’s incredibly powerful and a good sign for a successful relationship. From Vivian’s point of view, I think Nate destroys all her misconceptions about relationships. He teaches her that it’s okay to put your heart on the line, even if you think it might get broken in the end. He makes her stronger and she makes him happy.

EC: How would you describe Nate’s sister Lizzy?

AJS: I think Lizzy is still coming off the trauma of what happened to her (read Deborah Fletcher Mello’s Colton’s Secret Hideout for Lizzy’s story). She’s stressed and anxious and probably dealing with PTSD, but all of that is tempered by her found relationship with Ajay. In some ways I think she becomes overprotective of Vivian because of that, but she’s also happy that Nate and Vivian have found each other however the circumstances unfolded. Like all the Coltons, Lizzy is all about family first, which is another reason I love writing these books. 

EC:  How has her trauma affected her?

AJS: As I stated above, I think it’s made Lizzy more aware of how people’s lives are affected by trauma and isolation. She’s always been outgoing and trying to push Vivian out of her comfort zone and I think that’s been part of her healing. Being able to focus on Vivian allows her some emotional distance from her own recent experiences. But it also makes her more sensitive and more protective. It’s a bit of a test for Lizzy, I think, to see her brother, who she’s only just recently learned about, fall for her best friend in Vivian so I think it brings her and Nate closer, too. 

EC: What do you want readers to know about the Colton family?

AJS: First, don’t be overwhelmed by the number of books in the Colton series. Each year has its own dedicated series, sometimes it’s 12 books, sometimes it’s 6. But they’re fun reads when taken in chunks. Personally, I love interconnected stories where we see returning characters, can catch up with them, and see them after their HEAs, but also are introduced to characters who will get theirs in the future. They are meticulously plotted out and edited and at times the authors work with one another to make sure we’re getting all the details right about the crossover characters. If readers want an exciting group of stories that pull them from one book into another, then definitely check out The Coltons.

EC:  Next book(s)?

AJS: In January, the second book in my new McKenna Code series for Harlequin Romantic Suspense will be published. My other recent release is A Cowgirl on His Doorstep, which is my contribution to the ongoing Blackwell series for Harlequin Heartwarming. And then the fourth book in my Hawaiian Reunions series, Heartwarming again, A Christmas Island Romance, will be out on Christmas Eve! This one is a friend to more than friends romance that was just a delight to write. Christmas in Hawaii; There’s nothing better than that!

THANK YOU!!

[giftedpink]

Thoughts on wrestlemania night 1. If you ever care (under the cut)

Rhea versus Becky: I enjoyed the match a lot but I'm biased because I almost always enjoy watching Becky wrestle. It felt maybe a little short but if Becky is genuinely sick with strep which I believe she is, I totally get making it a little shorter. The fact she had strep honestly had me worried through the match so that distracted from the actual action for me. Both looked good and the right result in the end, but not a lot of heat since even though Rhea was wrestling as a heel the crowd never receives her as one

Six pack tag team ladder match: a lot of really fun spots, but definitely what the kids call a "spot fest". I don't mind that, who doesn't love seeing cool shit, but I haven't been invested in the story with awesome truth/judgement day so the build for this was eh and that dampened the match. Also confused about how they only announced as the match started that the titles would be split, that feels like it should have been part of the build. And A-town down under would not be my pick to carry the titles on smackdown. Austin Theory is just not entertaining. Good for R Truth though, and I was happy to see DIY on the wrestlemanja card.

Rey mysterio and Andrade versus Santos Escobar and Dominik mysterio: this was fine. Cool lucha shit, but I've been done with the lwo versus legado feud for awhile now and this match felt like it could have easily taken place on smackdown and not at wrestlemania. Having the whole factions on the outside of the ring was also weird, they must have been fucking freezing standing there in ring gear covered in baby oil and not wrestling. Andrade was the real star here for me and seeing the double crossbody to the outside blew my mind. Good to see him showing that he's not back in wwe to just mess around.

Jey uso versus Jimmy uso: easily the worst match of the night. Not sure it's worth picking apart since everyone already has. There was no real heat or emotion and they have no in ring chemistry as opponents. They basically just spammed the same moves at each other and then it ended.

The big three versus damage ctrl: another match that could have been a TV match, but I'm glad it wasn't. Seeing 3 badass black women tram together and kick ass was great and I hope a lot of little girls out there had stars in their eyes watching it. The match itself was pretty average, mostly just there to showcase Jade who didn't do anything incredible but had the aura and star power anyway. I hope she can properly go and that when she has a 1 on 1 with someone it doesn't expose her.

Sami Zayn versus gunther: easily match of the night. Pure pro wrestling magic watching one of the best underdog babyfaces I the world go up against maybe THE best big bad champion. The story was told perfectly, the in ring work was phenomenal, loved having Samis wife involved, LOVED the insane brain buster onto the turn buckle. I'm a huge Gunther fan and I've loved his title reign but he'll be moving into the main title picture from here I imagine, so him losing to my favorite male wrestler is a perfect ending to me. I'll be interested in seeing how he reacts to this loss though.

Cody rhodes and Seth rollings versus Roman reigns and the rock: a very fun main event but probably a little longer than it needed to be. Between the overly long entrances and the match itself it had to be close to 1.5 hours which is insane. They had me biting on quite a few false finishes which is impressive since I knew the bloodline would win. This was my first time seeing the rock and he was really great, I get why he's the GOAT. He just gets it. And for someone who hasn't wrestled in 12 years he was in great ring shape, big kudos to him for being able to have such a successful comeback. I hope this isn't the last we see of the final boss. Roman was good and didn't seem like as much of a sidekick as it was feared he would beforehand, I thought he played his part well. Cody was his usual self, not to my tastes but a good firey babyface. Seth was the weakest part for me since he seems to decide at random when to sell body parts and when to stop. But he had his moments too.

Overall a decent first night. I expected a little better, but the highs were definitely high. I'm hoping night 2 builds on it and delivers a little more of the grandiose nature you want from the showcase of the immortals (give us more cool entrances dammit).