#imagine if i had this kind of drive when it came to my work irl

[bizarrelittlemew]

weed graphs why not

in light of recent developments (Ed smokes weed confirmed), I feel the time has come to share perhaps the nerdiest thing I have ever done for a fic.

while writing Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe, I wanted to know approximately how high Ed and Stede would be after smoking 70s weed (= weak) in the alley behind the bar. just for fun

so naturally, I used the R package RxODE and a non-linear mixed-effects model of the pharmacokinetics/pharmacodynamics of THC from my actual research to simulate THC plasma concentrations and "feeling high" effect over time after dose:

(apart from the assumptions noted on the graph, I also assume them to be medium heavy users, defined as generally smoking more than once every two weeks but at most once per day (the bioavailability is affected by this))

as you can see (and as expected), there is a high variability on the effect, so at the time of max effect (after around 30 minutes), they're most likely to be between 0.5 and 3.5 on a scale of 0-10 (should say that on the graph too instead of 1-10 sorry), with the median around 1.6-1.7.

for a strain with a THC content of 4% (which I made a similar graph for but I will die in shame if I post two graphs with different axis scales and I can't be bothered to redo it), the median maximum effect would increase to around 2, so it wouldn't make a huge difference if Ed's rockstar weed was on the stronger side for the 70s.

so the answer to the question of "how high would they be" is therefore "not very" 🤷 and they'd probably be below the median since they spend more time shotgunning and making out than effectively smoking lmao

you could say that this is all an unnecessary amount of effort just to make my favorite blorbos fuck and fall in love. and you'd be right 💗

[royaltrios]

here's some notes on my recent chsc: what you're missing

-since i published as needed as last year's snow in january, i've been busy trying to graduate and not had any time to read or write or even really think about genshin. then i visited our chsc server friends for a few days beginning of june and i came back and haven't stopped writing since

-on the drive up me and taho spent most of the two hours yapping about chsc, and it was lovely but also extremely extremely strange for me to hear someone praise my writing irl. im genuinely just stumbling through word documents like a bow-legged fawn so

-starting back up with writing this summer i started working things out on physical paper in a notebook. its actually been really fun/feels different than notes app/sticky note-ing it. i still did use sticky notes for puzzling out intricacies of the smut tho (and then proceeded to pretty much use none of it) i'll attach a pic of my notes here for fun even though its slightly horrifying to do

-like most of my fics ive had this one waiting in the wings for a while, basic premise though was just 'chsc first time happens after scara backhands childe in front of people and childe gets very horny about that'. wrote it over about two weeks, fight scene fucked me up until i just locked in and wrote all of it at once at 2am. spent a while rearranging the smut then sent it to pachi to beta, forced myself not to look at it during those days, got it back and made isolated edits and was too embarrassed to read the smut i wrote 2 weeks ago again so i just posted it. hope its ok

-i always always always have trouble with scara during harbinger era. its because im a chronic overexplainer/overjustifier for characters getting together. for his actions during that time i lean on the little tiny bit we ever saw of it and that's mostly abrasiveness... but you gotta pull on how wanderer acts/ his backstory a bit too to like really see where hes coming from at that point in the story. halfway thru writing i realized he wouldnt act the way i was imagining him acting, had to fix that, then had to tweak the rest of the fic

-basically; i think childe would accept that he has a thing for scaramouche without too much thought. he's into mean people who're older than him + match his freak. he goes towards what makes him feel good. scara on the other hand i think... he immediately justifies the pull he feels as 'childe's stupid enough that i can use him'/'he worships me without being told'. this is a guilty pleasure for both of them until they realize its not (which is what i hoped to set up by beginning it with their abyss connections-- they're alike from the very beginning and they're both being used in different ways) <- i talked to pachi some in the middle of writing and it helped me puzzle out what chsc would be feelin a bit more. ty dr pachi phd in childe characterization

-had to have like multiple tabs open of bible's rgg pwp fics as emotional support. i filtered fics tagged 'cunniligus' in my bookmarks more than once. i was floundering. 90% of what i write or consider writing is E rated but i don't actually get much fulfillment out of describing smut. however i kind of tried really hard here bc i know thats what 99% of people are reading this for and even though i hate when i have to write the words scaramouche and clit directly next to each other i ended up pretty proud of the smut here.

random favorite bit:

“Well, it—” Childe's hips buck up into Scaramouche's fist. With a strained expression across his face and in a tone that sounds a little too genuine, he says, “feels kinda... different, since it's you." It's as bold-faced and earnest as anything else he's heard Childe say. But it's a sort of confirmation that Scaramouche was hoping to avoid—whilst simultaneously enjoying dancing around it. Stupid to give him this much leeway, this much permission, and not expect the guy who does everything else with the ruthlessness and loyalty of a hunting dog not to extend that to this.

i liked this bc i felt like i managed to nail down scara realizing he might've bit off more than he can chew without disrupting the smut. and childe + dog metaphor + shaky earnest confessions + L + ratio

-my penchant for having characters write letters in fic returns (almost as bad as my thing with inserting flashbacks in the middle of stuff) (i like first person but i dont like it in fic so this is the only way i can do it)

-looped teenage dirtbag (title + captured how i was trying to play childe here) (friend told me recently the singer of wheatus went to hs around where we grew up?), against the kitchen floor by will wood (taho's doing), some high energy 2000s stuff while revising the fight scene, my age gap oriented pl + will stetsons rabbit hole cover during the smut

i'll leave whoever reads this with a teenage dirtbag induced write-up i did to try and work out why i ended up liking the title i chose so much:

what you're missing-- what you're letting pass you by. what you don't have by not looking at me, what you'll want back in the future. what you don't have by not having me. what you've been trying to find, to grasp. what you didn't know you were missing.

[melody-everbelle]

Toyota Sports Festival (Nathan Chen x OC)

Title: Toyota Sports Festival

Pairing: Nathan Chen x Elizabeth Simmons (original female character)

Word count: 1,650

Warning(s): Crushes, anxiety, and fluff

Summary: Elizabeth Simmons has dreams of meeting Nathan Chen in person... One day, her dream finally comes true.

Author’s Note:

Meet Elizabeth Simmons! She's basically my self-insert for my Nathan Chen AU that I'm currently writing. This is my very first Nathan fanfic that's not an X reader fanfic, but don't worry, I'll still be writing those kinds of stories.

And before anyone says something, Elizabeth is in her 20s like me IRL. You'll learn more about her in my future fanfics. 😊

This fanfic is based off of my experience meeting Nathan at the Toyota Sports Festival in LA last year, albeit with a different ending.

***

Since the day she had feelings for Nathan Chen, Elizabeth Simmons had dreams of meeting him in person. Although she was jealous that other fans have gone to meet him in person, she kept her head held high and waited patiently for the day to happen. One day, Elizabeth was on Twitter, scrolling through her feed, when she came across a tweet announcing the Toyota Sports Festival in Los Angeles. Elizabeth lived an hour away from the city. The announcement also read that Nathan would be attending there. Excited, Elizabeth raced downstairs to the kitchen, where she told her mother, Theresa, and her father, William, the news.

"So this is what you're excited about?" William questioned. "I thought you didn't like sports."

"Oh, William, don't be so silly," Theresa reassured, "this is really important for our dear Elizabeth. Besides, you wouldn't want to miss meeting your favorite people, would you?"

"Well, I suppose that could work," William replied.

"So what time would we be leaving?" Elizabeth asked eagerly.

"I'll tell you what, have your breakfast, get dressed, do your makeup or whatever, and then we'll be leaving," William said.

"Thanks, Mother and Father! You're the best parents I could ever ask for!" Elizabeth thanked her mother and father before giving both of them kisses on the cheek.

Days had passed, and Elizabeth spent countless hours practicing her meeting with Nathan. On the day of the Toyota Sports Festival, she was ready.

On the drive to LA, Elizabeth felt butterflies flying around her stomach, she felt like she could either explode with excitement or pass out from anxiety. She began breathing deeply that was audible enough for her mother to hear.

"Are you okay, Elizabeth?" Theresa asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Elizabeth replied. "I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"Listen, it's going to be okay," her mother reassured. "Look at you, you're going to meet someone special in your life."

"I know," Elizabeth smiled.

Eventually, they made it to the festival, albeit by struggling with finding a parking spot. The Simmons family walked all around the streets to arrive at the festival, where there was a huge crowd full of sports fans. Elizabeth decided to take this opportunity to find Nathan.

With her parents following along, Elizabeth asked all the people working at the festival if they knew where Nathan was, but to no avail. Alas, they stopped at an ice skating rink, where Elizabeth finally saw Nathan there, talking to some fans that stood outside the rink.

"Mom, Dad, I think I see him!" Elizabeth cheered, pointing her finger to where Nathan was at.

"Who?" Theresa and William both asked in unison.

"Nathan!" She replied, trying to keep her composure.

"Oh," William said, getting a glimpse of him, "so that's who Elizabeth was talking about."

"Of course, William," Theresa spoke. "She's told me all about him."

Gazing at Nathan, Elizabeth couldn't help but swoon over him, her heart skipping a beat as she imagined her first meeting with him. She'd confess her feelings for him, and Nathan would reply, saying that he'd like to get to know her more. All of this daydreaming stopped when Elizabeth heard a "Hi!"

Elizabeth snapped out of her imagination to find that Nathan had been waving at her. With her eyes widened and her cheeks flushing red, she ducked down, covering her face with both of her hands. "I can't do this..." She said.

"Hey," Theresa advised, placing a reassuring hand on her daughter, "you can do this. Just keep calm and don't freak out."

Elizabeth stood up once again to find that Nathan had apparently left the rink. She carefully examined around the festival to see if he was hiding somewhere, but he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually, she heard the announcer speaking, "Nathan Chen will be signing copies of his newly released book, One Jump At A Time!"

After struggling to get in line for Nathan's book signing, Elizabeth and her parents waited patiently to be in front of the line, with the former struggling to keep her composure and muttering song lyrics to calm herself down. When they made it to the front, Elizabeth cleared her throat before speaking to Nathan, who was signing a copy of his book.

"Hello, Nathan," Elizabeth grinned, "my name's Elizabeth Simmons, but please call me Elizabeth."

"Hey, Elizabeth!" Nathan replied eagerly, taking her hand into his and shaking it. "It's so nice to meet you!"

Elizabeth blushed at his touch. "Look, I know we've just met," she continued, "but I just wanna say, I really really like you, like, a lot." She covered her face with her hand, trying not to expose her red face.

"Aww, thank you, Elizabeth," Nathan blushed as he replied. "And I must say, you look really pretty."

"Oh my gosh, Nathan," Elizabeth gasped, shocked by her crush's compliment, "you shouldn't have!"

"I know it's a little odd for someone like me to say that to their fan," Nathan confessed, "but I just had to."

"Um, yeah, about that," Elizabeth said, "thank you." She felt her heart flutter slightly as she couldn't believe someone she truly admired—Nathan—not only shook her hand, but also complimented her in person. What was even more unbelievable was that she was meeting the Nathan Chen in person, in front of her parents. Knowing that they were here, this made Elizabeth feel slightly embarrassed, but felt a wave of relief when she saw Nathan smiling at her parents.

"So, these are your parents, eh?" He asked.

"Yeah," Elizabeth nodded before directing her attention to her parents, "Mother, Father, I'd like you to meet Nathan Chen."

"Why, hello, Nathan," Theresa greeted. "I'm Theresa, and this is my husband, William."

"Wow," Nathan gasped as he shook the hands of Theresa and William, "you have such amazing parents, Elizabeth."

"I know, right?" Elizabeth agreed. "They were kind enough to bring me here to meet you."

After signing a couple of more books, Nathan gently pushed the books towards the Simmons family, saying, "Anyway, here are your books."

"Thank you so much, Nathan," Elizabeth said as she grabbed one of the books and held it close her chest. "Mind if we take a picture together?"

"Sure, I'd love to," Nathan accepted.

After Mr. and Mrs. Simmons grabbed their phones to take a photo of Elizabeth and Nathan together, they all thanked Nathan for their first meeting, with Elizabeth feeling a bit downhearted and blue, knowing very well that they were leaving.

"Elizabeth, are you okay?" Nathan asked after noticing a change in Elizabeth's emotions. "You look a little upset."

"Well, you see, Nathan, it's just that we're leaving, which means I won't be able to see you again," Elizabeth explained.

"You know, all good things must come to an end," Nathan said, his tone sounding blunt before continuing, "but it doesn't have to be this way. Mind if I follow you on Insta?"

Elizabeth's eyes widened before speaking, "For real?!"

He nodded, "For real."

Without any words spoken, Elizabeth eagerly shared her social media usernames to Nathan via giving him a business card from her wallet. "I'd like you to have this business card, it has all of my social medias on it," she said. "My dad runs a business that sells cards like these."

"Your dad's a genius!" Nathan laughed as he read the card. "Thank you so much!"

"I'll see you again sometime, okay?" Elizabeth asked, her eyes begging for a promise.

"Of course," Nathan said before sharing a hug with Elizabeth, much to the awe of her parents.

As they said their goodbyes and walked out of the festival, Elizabeth couldn't help but gush over how amazing the day went. As they headed over to the car, Theresa and William smiled at each other, knowing very well their daughter had taken a liking to the Olympic Gold Medalist even more now that they have met him.

"He's quite charming, isn't he, Elizabeth?" William asked.

"I know, Father, he... wait a minute," Elizabeth said, her eyes widening and her cheeks flushing red.

Her father chuckled, "I don't know about you, dear, but I think he likes you."

"What?" Elizabeth froze, looking like a deer in headlights. "Don't be ridiculous, we've just met!"

"I know," William replied, "but considering you shared your social medias with him, I suppose he'll get to know you more."

"Aw, shucks," Elizabeth smiled, covering her face with her hand once again.

Little did she know, Nathan had indeed reciprocated her feelings. After following her on Instagram, he let out a sigh, "She's quite... something, isn't she?"

"Who are you talking about?" A young girl who had been waiting patiently for her book to be signed asked.

Nathan snapped out, immediately changing the subject. "Oh, it's nothing," he chuckled before signing the book and giving it to her.

Later that night, Elizabeth opened up her Instagram to find that Nathan had followed her, much to her surprise. In return, she followed him back, and decided to write an open love letter for him.

Dearest Nathan,

If you're reading this, you probably remember that we've met at the Toyota Sports Festival in LA today. I must admit that I'm a rather shy girl, and I'm at a loss for words whenever I see the ones I admire in person. Another thing I'll admit: I've had the BIGGEST crush on you ever since I've heard you won the Gold Medal, but it took me quite some time to accept these feelings. The thing is, everything about you is why I love you so much. You inspire so many people to follow their dreams. I know a lot of people call you the Quad King, but you're more of a prince to me. And above all, I just want you to know, I was enchanted to meet you. I hope we meet again someday.

Love, Elizabeth ❤

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 7]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, fingering, daddy!kink, dirty talk, ‘cuz you can touch touch me~ 😏 ur gonna need to imagine headband/bandana wearing left&right cheol for this cuz that’s the fantasy i was imagining for this chapter the entire time i was writing it hehe 🍒 quick apologies to anyone who thinks this is moving a little slow 😩 I literally don’t know how to shut up and I end up writing too much LMAO and as always, thank you for the continued interest! Have a great weekend bbys! 💕 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - ?

dom.cheol has donated $400

therealchan99: yea this is about right on course

dom.cheol: what, did u miss me? 😏

gentleman_josh95: loosely

chwenon: more like the obscenely large donations were missing lolol

You jokingly roll your eyes, exhaling deeply as you push your toys off to the side of the bed. You’d just finished your Saturday show without a hitch, albeit feeling a little lonely. “Aww, c’mon you guys! Don’t tease~” Glancing around the room, it did feel a little odd to you now that Seungcheol wasn’t there but he had called earlier in the day and told you that it might’ve been better if he stayed back.

In truth, you understood exactly how he felt.

Part of you was ready to throw all caution out of the window when it came to Seungcheol and he felt it too. But at the same time, you knew it wouldn’t be that easy and that there were still things that the two of you needed to discuss before deep diving into intimacy, especially when it came to powerplay.

kitty_junjun: hey dont take this in a weird way but like

kitty_junjun: i feel like i saw u earlier today…

universe_WZ: ooo i never thought abt that before

sleepy_wonu has donated $75

xcaliburDK: have ppl recognized u irl before? :o

dom.cheol: i feel like i might’ve seen u irl before too…

Your cheeks bloom a hot pink; a nervous giggle on your lips. “Oh! I mean, yeah, there’s been a handful of times. I’ll wear wigs out sometimes though. Can’t have people calling me out in a grocery store, y’know?”

kitty_junjun: wait so maybe i did see u? I dont wanna give out locations tho…

“Maybe! I’m still out on my little weekend trip and I was out and about earlier~ if you see me next time, don’t hesitate to say hi! I promise I don’t bite~” You pause, leaning closer into the webcam as you wink.

“Unless you want me to~”

You start running a bath right after you end your show, stretching and turning on some music as you start to unwind. Thankfully you didn’t have a tiring show today, so you decided to take the rest of the night to pamper yourself in preparation for your day with Seungcheol.

Biting your lip, you pick up your phone, already seeing a multitude of messages from Seungcheol on your lockscreen.

cheollie ✨: don’t forget ur glass of water!

cheollie ✨: also don’t forget i’m picking you up at 9:30am

cheollie ✨: hope ur ready to spend all day at the roller rink with me baby

You can’t help but grin, already excited to see how Seungcheol spent his day at work. Typing a response, you quickly hit send before setting your phone down onto the nightstand and making your way to the bathroom.

‘I can’t wait! I’m so excited~ u promised me free skates and free food so don’t forget!!’

It’s exactly 9:29AM when Seungcheol messages you that he’s downstairs.

You check yourself in the mirror one last time, smoothing down your dress and hair and grabbing your bag before you rush down to meet Seungcheol. 

There’s a mild feeling of nervousness that pours over you, but you quickly shake it off once you see his blue headed figure standing outside of the lobby.

“‘Cheollie!”

He turns around to face you just as you stop in your tracks; gasping when you see the cute way he’s styled his hair for today. “Whoa… wow, uh, j-just.. Wow. You look great in bandanas...”

Seungcheol laughs, eyes forming crescents. “I don’t usually work the weekends so I thought I’d spice it up a little. Guess it looks good?” You can only nod shakily, mentally cursing yourself when you feel the arousal already pooling inside your body. He winks at you once, opening the passenger’s side door as you slide into his car.

“Hope you’re ready to have a boring day at the roller rink with me.” He gives you a tight lipped smile, shutting your door before he rounds the car to get in on the driver’s side.

“I’m telling you, it’s not going to be… y’know, anything crazy.”

“Who says it has to be! I’m excited to see where you work and anyway you promised!” You tease, poking him in the arm as he starts the car. “I know, I know… I just---I don’t want you to be disappointed. I bet you thought I was some rich old hotshot before, huh?” Seungcheol shoots you a glance, smiling gently.

“Mmm.. not really.”

“No? You didn’t think I was some lonely CEO with loads of money with a thing for camgirls?”

You laugh at his response, placing your hand over his on the gear shift.

“Nah, if there’s anything I thought about you, it was that you were way too nice to be on some camming website.”

The two of you have idle conversation as Seungcheol takes his time to drive to the roller rink. In all honesty, he was a little nervous himself, although he’d never say it to your face.

“Oh my god, is that it?! It’s so cute!”

He parks close to the entrance, turning the car off as he jogs over to your side to help you out. “‘Cheol, you know you don’t have to be so sweet~” You pout, latching onto his arm as he locks the car.

“Oh but I do. You deserve to be spoiled once in a while!”

A blush coats your cheeks yet again, shy eyes fixated on the floor as he walks you towards the entrance. “Yeah, but all you ever do is spoil me… That sybian was no joke and my god, Seungcheol, the price! I almost had half a mind to return it…” You end in a mumble. Seungcheol laughs, opening the door for you as you unlatch from his arm and step in first.

“You’re worth spoiling. Now stop worrying, okay? I promise I’m not up to anything illegal in order to afford your gifts.” Giggling, you lean up to kiss him on the cheek, nodding firmly.

“Fiiiiine, I trust you, y’know?”

“I know, baby. I trust you too, now let’s go meet my best friend who’s going to play butler for you today.”

He leads you over to the concession stand where an equally tall yet bored male stands. “Hey, Jeongguk!” The said male looks up from his phone, eyebrow quirking when the two of you walk up. “Uh, hey Seungcheol-hyung…” Seungcheol feels a weird tenseness fall over the three of you, clearing his throat to get Jeongguk’s attention when he finds the younger male staring.

“Um, this is my friend. She’s---uh, she’s gonna be hanging out here for the rest of the day. I promised her that you’d give her free food, so uh, just--just let me know how much it is so I can tell Namjoon to take it out of my paycheck.” Jeongguk grins, a sly look in his eyes when he finally meets Seungcheol’s concerned eyes.

“Sure! Can I talk to you over there? It’s about our paychecks actually.” Jeongguk turns to you, leaning over the counter. “Sorry, employee only info, ch--uuuuuh, you know the deal.”

“Yeah, of course!”

Jeongguk points off to the side, gesturing to Seungcheol who follows suit.

The younger male makes sure they’re a safe distance away, watching as you pluck your phone out of your purse before he starts talking in harsh whispers. “What the fuck, dude!? You’re---no, you’re not fucking Cherry. She doesn’t have a boyfriend so what the fuck?”

The blood drains from Seungcheol’s face; the feeling in his fingers going numb as his throat goes dry. “Wuh--what? What are you---what are you talking about?” Jeongguk scoffs, eyes rolling jokingly.

“So, hyung, how do you know her?”

“You’re asking me?! How do you know her!?” Seungcheol’s eye twitches just as Jeongguk shoots him an incredulous look, arms crossed in mock annoyance. “I’m a horny boy, what can I say.”

“Please do not ever use those words to describe yourself again.”

The younger male stands in silence, nodding in thought.  

“Fuck, wow, I should’ve noticed. All those extra shifts you were taking, the reason why you could never come hang… You don’t like working here as much as Yoongi-hyung but you--holy---holy shit, wait--you… you can’t be…”

Fuck, here it comes.

“You’re fucking ‘dom.cheol’ aren’t you? You’re the one always leaving her insane fuckin’ donations all the time… and the gifts.. Oh my god. The ‘cheol’ was from Seungcheol, I should’ve known...”

Seungcheol dies a million deaths inside his head; the ringing in his ears becoming unbearable while Jeongguk stares at him in mild disbelief. “It all clocks out, holy fuck. No wonder you were so fucking eager to pick up so many extra shifts…” Seungcheol’s mouth opens and closes a few times, unsure what to say.

“I mean, fuck hyung, I--I’m kind of impressed but wow. You think you know a guy, huh?” Jeongguk laughs, patting the older male on the shoulder. “She’s only one of the hottest camgirls out there right now. You’re a lucky man, hyung.”

A weird possessiveness washes over Seungcheol, hands gently balling up into fists at his side. “Okay, well, she… she’s just here to chill, alright? Don’t do anything weird. And most of all, don’t say anything weird either.” The younger male nods, already walking back to where you were standing.

“Hey, sorry, hyung’s paycheck is gonna be pretty sad next week and I had to let him down gently. Anyway, I’m Jeongguk. You are?”

You give him a fake name; shaking his hand over the counter as he grins at you.

“It’s my pleasure.”

You spend the first two hours on the floor skating; catching Seungcheol’s eyes on you from time to time as he sits nearby cleaning skates. The place seemed pretty empty, which was something that Seungcheol was immensely glad for.

Eventually you skate off out of the rink, making your way to Seungcheol who smiles at you when you come sit next to him. “Told you. Bored already, huh?” The two of you share a laugh, watching as the few other people continue to skate around the rink.

“I mean… it’s different! Right about now I’d usually be six episodes into a new series or something… It’s nice to be somewhere else and doing something different.”

He nods in return, slightly pouting when he turns to face you. “I hate that you have to go home tonight.” You mirror his sentiments, lips quirking into a sad smile.

“I know… I don’t wanna go home…”

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek, eyes flitting over to Jeongguk. “Hey, maybe we can bail a little early. This place is pretty dead anyway, and I--I can have Jeongguk clock me out when he leaves. My shift is supposed to end at 3PM and it’s noon now so… We can leave in a hour? Maybe get a late lunch?”

“Seungcheol… I don’t want you to get in trouble…” You mumble, brows furrowing in concern. “Really, it’s okay! We can just hang here ‘til then and still have time to get dinner!” He sighs, knowing you were right. Now was not the right time to be testing the waters with Jeongguk and Namjoon.

“Okay, okay, you win, baby.”

It takes 45 minutes.

45 minutes and a free drink from the concession stand before your mind starts wandering.

You watch Seungcheol converse with Jeongguk behind the concession stand; his cute laugh sending you into orbit when your eyes meet and you can’t stop the thrums of lust pouring over your body when a certain idea pops into your head.

Seungcheol turns his attention back to the younger male and you quickly start to unlace your skates and put your normal shoes back on before Seungcheol’s entire break gets taken up. 

You walk up to the two; Seungcheol cleaning off his hands before he exits from behind the counter.

“Seungcheol…” You softly call out; a look of concern crossing his features when he stops in front of you. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, mmhmm! I just--I need to talk to you, if that’s okay?” Jeongguk already turns to leave, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You drag Seungcheol away, tugging him towards an even emptier part of the roller rink as the concern builds up inside of him. “I have an idea.” He feels himself gulp, already anticipating what you have to say.

“And…?”

“Well… It’s… It won’t t-take long I don’t think, just… hear me out?” You question gently, head tilting cutely up at Seungcheol who already knows he can’t say no to you. “Okay, shoot.”

“Wh--what if we… film a small POV v-video… like, not a live one! Just a small upload on my channel to test the waters maybe? I just---you don’t have to say anything and--and it’ll be quick, and--and like, nothing major just a little, um, f-fingering and--oh my god, sorry, I shouldn’t have a-asked, that’s just---I’m s-sorry I was thinking about it and it kinda got to me and I’m---I’m kinda already wet just thinking about it and--”

“No, let’s… let’s do it. To be fair, people seem to like risqué public things like that right?” A crimson blush falls on Seungcheol’s cheeks as he turns the tables, wrapping a hand around your wrist as he walks you to the employee restroom. “It’s… there shouldn’t be anyone in here so we should be safe.” He mutters, checking to make sure before he ushers you inside and locks the door behind him.

“I don’t know what to do so you’ll have to guide me a little here, baby.”

You nod, pulling your phone out and opening the camera app. Scrolling, you put it in video mode, clicking the red button before passing it to Seungcheol. “I’ve never done it either but I’m sure I can just… crop it and I m-mean it’s meant to be a little shoddy, right?” You giggle nervously, body already on fire when Seungcheol makes the camera face you. “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not comfortable with your voice being in the video, I just need… this.”

You reach for his free hand, playing with it as you run your fingertips across the veins. “I’m sorry, daddy… I just… I couldn’t help but think about your fingers inside my tight pussy...” Seungcheol almost loses his grip on your phone; palm clammy when he watches as you bring his hand underneath your short dress.

“Please… please, won’t daddy fuck me with his fingers? I promise I’ll be good for the rest of the day if he lets me cum on his fingers…” You whine.

Seungcheol isn’t ready to have his voice heard yet, so he nods, fingers twitching in your hold.

You take this as an okay to continue, dragging his hand up until his knuckles graze your panties. “O-oh, fuck…”

This time Seungcheol takes the lead; his own body ablaze when he can already feel your wetness soaking through your panties. He presses into it, digging his fingers into the wet material until it sticks to you like a second skin. “D-daddy, please, please, put them inside, I need it!!” You mewl, trying to keep your voice down as much as possible while still being audible enough on camera.

He shoots you a look; one that tells you to hike your dress up until your soaking panties are seen through the camera lens. And you easily follow, holding your dress up as Seungcheol drops to his knees, angling the camera upwards until only his fingers and your clothed pussy are in view. You spread your legs a little more, back resting on the wall behind you.

“Please, I can’t wait any longer…”

He gulps once, saying a prayer before he slowly pushes your panties to the side. And you all but lose any semblance of sanity the second he runs his fingertips through your wetness, pussy clenching around emptiness. “Fuck--fuck me, please!”

Once Seungcheol deems his fingers wet enough, his eyes meet yours, asking for silent consent before he makes any further moves. You nod frantically, fingers gripping the material of your dress tightly.

Seungcheol bites his lip the second he starts sinking his first finger into your tight warmth; already feeling the drool pooling in his mouth when you moan loudly. He starts a slow pace, mentally noting just how obscenely wet you are when he drags his finger out slowly. “Ngh, daddy m-more, please, I can take it, I wanna be f-full~” He gives it a few more thrusts of his index finger before he adds his middle finger; this time slowly sinking both digits into your pussy as you whimper above him.

His eyes flit up, mesmerized when he sees your face contort in bliss. “O-oh my god, I’m--I’m already so close… Daddy’s fingers are so much bigger and thicker than mine, it fuh--feels so good…” You mutter; squirming when Seungcheol doesn’t move.

And it takes him a second; too fixated on the way your tight walls only seem to suck his fingers in deeper.

But he starts a moderate pace, scissoring and curling his fingers inside of you until you’re reduced to whines and soft breathy moans.

He can already feel you getting tighter around his fingers after a few more minutes; doubling his pace when you start to beg.

“Oh my god, oh my god, ‘m so close, fuck! P-please touch my clit, daddy, please make m-me c--cum!”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his pants but he focuses on you, thumb immediately on your clit as he rubs harsh and quick circles on the swollen nub. He doesn’t know how much time has passed or if his break is over, but the look of absolute pleasure on your face is enough to make him not care.

He curls his fingers into your g-spot, holding them still as he continuously rubs your clit until you’re cumming; thighs shaking as you let out shaky breaths above him.

“Oh m-my god, daddy!” You mumble in a hurried frenzy, thighs clamping around his hand between your legs as the pleasure washes over you.

Seungcheol lets you ride out your high, gently wiggling his fingers inside of you as he starts to slow down.

“Mmh… Seungcheol…”

Oh fuck.

He definitely liked it when you moaned his name. 

“Y-yes…?” It’s his cue to turn off the camera, shaky finger pressing the ‘stop’ button. He gently slides his fingers out of you, muttering an apology when you wince.

“You don’t have to say sorry! It’s just… ‘m sensitive…” You mewl, already missing the feeling of his fingers inside of you. “Y-yeah, of course! I, um, I hope that was okay? I’ll give you a second to get cleaned up, I’ll uh, run and get you some water.”

You nod in response, thanking him before he quickly washes off his hands and bolts out of the restroom; ears and cheeks redder than a tomato.

Once you’re alone, you quickly open your camera roll, clicking on the video as you hurriedly crop out the beginning and end, making sure that the short video didn’t have any incriminating details before you open up your camming homepage.

There’s a moment of unsureness that makes you pause. You bite the inside of your cheek, weighing the potential outcomes of posting this to your page. 

But before you can change your mind, you quickly start the upload; adding a title and a short description before you lock your phone to let it process.

In the meantime, you get cleaned up, checking your appearance in the mirror once before picking up your phone again. Unlocking it, you find the upload has finished and you exhale sharply, publishing the video before locking the device again.

You move to exit the restroom, already finding Seungcheol holding a bottle of water on the other side.

“Oh, there you are! Everything okay?”

“Mmhmm! I uploaded the video before I could change my mind so I’m a little nervous…” You trail off, accepting the bottle that Seungcheol passes you.

“Well, the good news is, we’re bailing, now. I told ‘Guk to clock me out so we should get out of here so I can get your mind off of that.”

He shoots you a genuine smile, offering his hand which you take.

“Let’s fuckin’ get some ice cream, I think we deserve it.”

Seungcheol takes you on a scenic drive, taking you to an ice cream shop further away from town.

The two of you sit down in a booth towards the back of the shop and he helps clear your head, talking about various topics to keep your mind off of the huge risk you’d just taken.

“Anyway, that’s one of the reasons why I’m never bar-hopping with ‘Guk again. He’s got no limit, nobody can keep up and nobody wants to keep paying the uber fees.” You laugh as Seungcheol finishes his story, taking a sip of your milkshake.

You can’t help but sigh after a few seconds, pouting at Seungcheol who blinks questioningly at you. “‘Cheollie, I don’t wanna go home…” He stares back, unsure of what to say. A million different thoughts run through his mind in the split second before he opens his mouth.

“Why don’t you stay with me for a couple more days?”

Seungcheol doesn’t understand the gravity of his words until they spill out of his mouth; a panicked look on his face when you go completely silent in the seat across from him. “I m-mean, uh, I mean, like, fuck. I’m sorry, that must’ve been way too out of bounds. I just---it’s just, you don’t want to go home and---and I can take care of you while you’re here! Even if it’s just a couple days. I can help you film too!” He curses himself for rambling; immediately shutting himself up.

“I--I don’t want to bother you, ‘Cheol… That’s really too kind of you…” A shy blush coats your skin; chewing on your bottom lip when you shyly avoid his gaze. “A-and my filming stuff is back home too… I brought a few toys with me so I could film my weekend shows but--but my camera…”

“I can ask Jeongguk!”

You shoot him a bewildered look, brow quirking. “He--he streams sometimes too, like, video games ‘n shit. He actually offered me his extra equipment a while back, if I ever wanted to get into it myself. I can ask to borrow it, if you want?”

You drink in his words, unsure. The thought of staying with Cheol might’ve danced across your mind a handful of times, but now that the offer was on the table, you weren’t sure how to respond.

You trusted Seungcheol, and you knew by now that he would never do anything to hurt or betray you. But this was a far leap from how things were the last time you’d seen him.

“Listen, I can see the cogs in your head turning, baby. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’m not forcing your hand into anything you don’t want. But I know you’ve been wanting to get out a ‘lil more and… well, in truth, I think it’d be nice for both of us? I can take care of you while you’re here with me and we can keep each other company.” He pauses, smiling at you from across the booth. “But I can also take you back to your hotel room and let you pack so you don’t get home too late.”

“‘Cheol I trust you.. It’s just that… I’m s-scared…”

“Scared? Of what, baby?”

The warmth blooms inside of you; shy eyes meeting his.

“Scared that I’m not gonna wanna go home…”

Seungcheol takes it easy for the rest of the day and doesn’t make an effort to get an answer out of you. He takes you around the city, tugging you into shops he thinks you’d like and walking around with you aimlessly until the sun goes down.

But time seems to go even faster once he takes you to dinner; a sigh on his lips when he knows he has to bring the topic back up.

“I hate to ask but… I have to take you back to your hotel after this so…” Seungcheol trails off, leaving it open-ended for you.

“I know… I just want to know… Why do you like me so much?”

The question takes Seungcheol by surprise; eyes wide as saucers. “I--I’m sorry I don’t follow?” You chuckle under your breath, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“It’s just… we were strangers, kind of, before Friday, you know what I mean? And now you’re offering your place to me to just… crash at for a few days? What if I rob you blind? Or what--what if you try something with me that I don’t like?” You suddenly start catastrophizing; mind going a mile a minute with potential outcomes.

“Hey, whoa, whoa, wait. Calm down, sweetheart. It’s okay! Breathe!” You let out a shaky exhale, groaning as you hide your face in your palms. “God, ‘Cheol, ‘m sorry, I--I really want to stay with you for a few days. It’s just that my brain is going light speed and I can’t keep up. I really like you too, you’ve been nothing but kind and sweet and you’re so handsome, it’s just so crazy to me...” Your words are slightly muffled but Seungcheol catches it, a soft chuckle on his lips when he leans his head on his palm.

“I’ll sleep on the sofa and leave you alone. You can take the bed. Hell, you can even rob me blind and I’d say thank you.”

He reaches his free hand over, fingers circling your wrist as he pulls your hand down. “And I’m offering you my place because I like you as you. You’re cute and funny, and so fuckin’ humble. And I want to get to know you better. In person, y’know?”

“Y-yeah… I wanna get to know you better too. And it’s only a couple days right?”

“Right.”

Seungcheol drives you back to your hotel, a smile on his face when he sees you in better spirits.

He parks his car in front, turning to face you. “So I’ll just wait here while you grab your things and check out, okay? I’ll contact ‘Guk to see if I can swing by and take that extra equipment he offered.”

This time you nod cheerily, body buzzing with excitement as you hurriedly step out of his car. “I’ll be quick!”

He gives it a moment before he picks his phone up, taking a deep breath before typing out a message to the younger male.

‘Hey, ‘Guk I have a favour. Get back to me asap if u can.’

Jeon 🥴 : bold of u to msg me…

Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features; fingers hovering over the keyboard. ‘What are you talking about?’

Jeongguk takes a second to send a screenshot, Seungcheol’s cheeks burning a crimson colour when he sees the content.

Jeon 🥴: it’s the employee restroom for me.

Jeon 🥴: bruh it’s also the fuckin way i knew it was u before i even played the video… fuck man is that why u too so long on ur break? u do kno u went over right, I clocked it cuz i was expecting u to come back sooner

Jeon 🥴: for the rec im not mad, actually im impressed just cant believe this is u

Seungcheol ignores Jeongguk’s messages, instead opening the screenshot again and re-reading the video title.

‘I was so needy… 🥺 so I asked daddy to finger me in public…’

Jeon 🥴: bitch i kno ur reading this im dropping the hyung bc u kept this from me!!

Jeon 🥴: after i even offered u my extra camming stuff u were already doing it behind my back…

Seungcheol rolls his eyes at the younger male’s dramatic nature, fingers quickly swiping across the keyboard.

‘Alright, I’m sorry okay? I just didn’t think my online habits needed to be public knowledge and for the record, that was the first time I’ve ever done anything like that. I promise no more secrets, unless absolutely necessary. And also speaking of that extra equipment, can I swing by and grab it from your place?’

Jeon 🥴: r u gonna cam now? u got one sip of the devils juice and now ur all in?

‘Would u stop being dramatic oh my god. It’s not for me, it’s for ‘cherry’. She’s going to be staying with me for a few days and I fully expect you to keep your mouth shut on this.’

Seungcheol grimaces when he calls you by your online handle; already feeling unfamiliar with it.

Jeon 🥴: o i c. sure, u can come pick it up, simp. I’ll make sure she’s got all the necessary things before u get here and u owe me one!! i fully expect u to come stream with me at least once for keeping ur secrets 

‘It’s a deal. I’ll be there in an hour and a half.’

A sigh escapes Seungcheol’s lips, his eyes dancing over to your figure that skips towards the car. He locks his phone just as you tap on the glass, popping the trunk before he steps out.

“How’d it go? All checked out?”

“Mmhmm! Did you get in contact with Jeongguk? What’d he say?”

A nervous laugh spills from his lips as he puts your small luggage in the trunk, slamming it shut before rounding the car to open your door. “I’ll help you get settled in at my place and then I’ll drive over really quick and grab the stuff from his place.”

You hop in his car, fiddling with the seatbelt until Seungcheol slides into the driver’s seat.

“He didn’t ask what you needed it for?” Gulp. Shit.

“I just told him that I was thinking about streaming, for--for gaming stuff. He was okay with it.”

He’d tell you the truth. Soon, he promises.

No. Now.

Seungcheol sighs, hands on the wheel as he stares straight ahead. “No, no, I--I can’t sit here and lie to you. Jeongguk knows you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier, I told him to keep his mouth shut because I didn’t want him to bother you while we were at the roller rink.”

“I--oh…”

He can only nod; eyes dancing over to you as you play with the hem of your dress. “Yeah, I--I’m really sorry. He--He also found out I was ‘dom.cheol’ too and, fuck, I--I don’t know, I kind of panicked too. I hid that part of me from everyone I know so it was just… it was a lot.”

You meet his sad eyes, shooting him a small smile of your own. “It’s okay! It’s a little funny that happens right after that ‘kitty_junjun’ says he saw me in person too, huh? I mean, thanks for trying to protect me at least. It must’ve been weird for you too.”

“Yeah… If you’re not comfortable anymore, I… I’d understand too.” Seungcheol prepares himself for the worst, knowing that there was a chance that this was goodbye.

“Are you kidding! What’s one person gonna do? And you said he’s your best friend and you trust him… I’ll have to take a leap of faith on that one but… I trust you.”

You lean over the center console, kissing him on the cheek. “And anyway, as long as he’s not one of those weirdos asking for ‘favours’, I think we’re in the clear, right?”

Seungcheol grimaces; as long as it’s from me and not you, he thinks.

[snarkwrites]

26 hours | p. maximoff

☾ notes ☽

Obvs, I haven’t forgotten this little idea of mine. I just kind of got busy with IRL things for a while. This one was sitting untouched on my docs until I read over it and something clicked and now... Here we are. I won’t even bother lying or being humble here, I feel like this one is one of my better pieces. I’m happy it came together and fuckin proud of myself tbh. I don’t say this often or lightly either.

Anyway, heyyy.. guess who’s writing filth again. This girl.

☾ prompts used ☽

[ from this page ] 

26 hours until I fuck you senseless |  I can’t wait to see you tomorrow night. In the mean time, try not to think about how wet I get/hard my cock gets around you. That will just make the wait even harder.” - paraphrased, shortened and spoken

[ from this page ]

I want to fuck you until I can feel that sweet little pussy clenching around my cock - spoken.

☾ warnings ☽

This is not meant for young eyes. If you’re a minor, dni. If you’re sticking around, here are some other things that may happen within.. Mutual masturbation/voyeurism, dirty talk, body fluids and that’s pretty much it.

☾ characters / pairing & fandom ☽

Pietro Maximoff | Quicksilver x Barton!OFC, Nicola & Marvel Cinematic Universe

☾ other parts ☽

happy birthday | you make my heart beat faster - both have an m rating. One is truly not meant for minors and the other is mildly suggestive at best.

☾ tagging my marvel babes; ☽

@chasingeverybreakingwave​

@kyleoreillysknee​

@micolegg​

@mrsstevenbuchananstark​

☾ everything you need in one place ☽

>> read this to find masterlists, tag list link, etc <<

← good morning kotenok

← 26 hours until I fuck you senseless.

← fuck, I miss you so much.

The sound of my cell phone buzzing against my nightstand woke me up and I reached out to grab my phone still groggy with sleep. That all changed when I read the texts Pietro had just sent me.

I grinned brightly as soon as I realized just how close it was getting to time for him to come back and my thighs clenched tight as a rush of slick pooled in my panties and coated them. I took a ragged breath and fanned myself as I shook my head and wondered aloud just how I was supposed to function normally for the rest of the day with him sending me texts like this and I slipped out of bed to get dressed.

Then I flopped across my bed and proceeded to text him back.

→ are you trying to murder me, Pietro?

→ fuck me senseless, hm? 

→ not gonna lie, I definitely like the sound of that.

I felt like I had to say something, I had to torture him like he was obviously trying to torture me, so I took a deep breath and I thought about it for a second or two before responding.

→ I’m so wet right now. Aching. I can’t wait to feel you buried inside of me.

→ I miss you too and it’s kind of driving me crazy. Love you, baby. Be safe.

After hitting send, I wandered down the hall to fix myself something for breakfast and almost as soon as I started my coffee pot, the cell phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered.

Pietro’s voice filled the line, a perfect mix of gravel and silk. I tried to imagine him, I wondered what time it was wherever they were. I got my answer when he told me that my voice was the last sound he wanted to hear before he went to sleep for the night.

“How wet are you, kotenok? Tell me.” Pietro muttered.

I could feel my body as it heated up all over and I bit my lip, giving a soft laugh as I wandered back down the hall to my bedroom where I flopped across the bed. “I’m dripping, Piet.”

He growled quietly and if I thought I was wet before I was soaked when he did it. He gave a dark chuckle and panted, “Dripping, hm?”

I could just barely hear the slightest quiet creak of a mattress. His breath caught in his throat and it clicked for me exactly what he was doing on the other end of the line. And I whimpered at the thought of it before I could stop it from happening.

“Dripping, baby.” I moaned out as my hands started to roam, catching in the hem of the shirt I was wearing and started to tug it up over my head. I squeezed my breasts and purred quietly, “Not quite as wet as I am when you’re buried inside me, but..” trailing off. Waiting for a reaction.

He swore under his breath and the quiet creaks and movements I was hearing on the other end of the line got just a little louder. Just the visualization of what he was probably doing on his end of the line got me going even more. I closed my eyes and imagined him lying there, sprawled out. Eyes fluttering open and closed and one of those massive hands of his wrapped around his thick cock as he fisted it. My hand left my breasts and wandered down, my fingers dancing over my slit as it started to throb. A smirk came easily as soon as I realized that he might have heard me.

“What are you doing right now, princess?” he muttered lazily.

“Do you really want to know?”

“I asked, kotenok.” he answered, panting. I worked my clit, biting my lip. Arching my body up against the touch of my own fingers as I continued to imagine that it wasn’t my fingers but instead, it was Pietro’s fingers. Or his tongue. Or even better, I thought to myself, his massive cock.

“Touching myself.” I answered in a breathy moan that I couldn’t hold back.

“Are you alone right now, kotenok?”

“Mhm. They finally got my apartment sorted. I’m there. Why?” I whimpered out the question. Instead of answering, I got the sound of dialtone and not even a half second later, he was requesting a video call.

“You’re going to kill me, kotenok. You’re trying to.” he groaned out as soon as I accepted and turned on the video option on my end so that he could see me. “Show me, princess. Show me how wet you are.” he coaxed, taking that firm tone as he said it. Body burning hot all over because we’d never sexted, let alone used a video call to masturbate together and it was new for me. 

I flipped the camera and lowered it, giving him a view of my pussy, letting him see just how worked up his sext had gotten me when I woke up to it.

“Fuck.” Pietro growled out as he stared and licked his lips. 

“Baby, I..” I mumbled, trailing off because I wasn’t quite sure how to ask what I wanted to ask. I wanted to see what he was doing. I wanted to watch.

“Use your words, princess.” he commanded.

“How hard are you right now, Pietro?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Do you want to see?”

“I do, baby.” I answered breathlessly as I swallowed hard. I found a way to prop my phone up against the window over my bed so that he could really see me and I pouted when he vanished from view for a second or so, only to return with his entire body in the frame. He must have done the same thing.

His hand lowered, circling his cock and he gave it a pump or two. I whimpered and bit my lip, letting my own hands drift down. Spreading my legs as I dragged my fingers between my dripping slit, teasing at entry.

His hand pumped his length a little faster and he groaned, bucking his hips against the movement of his hands slowly and clumsily. “Do you know what I want to do to you when I get home?” he asked as he gazed at me, his pupils blown and the look in his eyes hungry.

"What?" I asked breathlessly as I licked my lips.

“I want to fuck you until I can feel that sweet little pussy clenching around my cock.” Pietro’s hips bucked against the steady pumps of his hand and he growled out a quiet, “Fuck.” as he panted for his next breath. My fingers buried inside of my throbbing sex and I whimpered as I rocked myself against their movement. “Do you want me to do anything, baby?” I asked in a breathless moan.

“Slower. Spread your legs wider so I can see you drip for me.” Pietro groaned out as the pumping movement of his hand slowed and he fixed his eyes on what I was doing intently. “Try not to imagine just how hard I get at the sight of you.. How your body responds when I cum inside it. Fuck..” he breathed out, his hips arching upward as the movement of his hand sped just slightly and he continued to watch me fucking myself with my fingers. 

Wishing it was his thick cock the entire time. My body arched against the speeding of my fingers movements as the mental image formed perfectly clear. A moan escaped my throat and Pietro took several ragged breaths before commanding me to slow down. “You don’t get to cum yet, princess.” he muttered as he slowed down himself.

I was poised on the edge, tearing up in frustration because no matter what I did it just wasn’t enough or the same. It didn’t feel nearly as good as the way it feels when Pietro’s buried inside me. 

“Baby, please?” I begged in a whimper.

Pietro gave a head shake and murmured in a voice as smooth as silk, “Slow down, kotenok.” The firm tone he used only made me wetter, made me want to cum that much more. “If I were there right now I wouldn’t stop until you were shaking, princess.  You know that. Slow down.” he coaxed. All the coaxing in the world didn’t help my frustration and although I did as he demanded, I pouted about it, pleading. I couldn’t get enough friction on my own and it was twice as frustrating for me because he kept making me slow down just before I got the chance to shatter.

“Fuck.” I mumbled in a lust filled daze as I watched him continue to slowly pump his cock. “What else do you want to do to me when you get home, baby?” I questioned.

“I want to take you from behind, princess.. My hand at your throat. I’m not going to stop until we wake up your neighbors. Fuck. I miss the way it feels to be buried inside you.”

I whined, working my clit just a little faster as my fingers scissored and thrust in and out and my back arched away from the mattress. “Can I cum now, Piet? Please?” I begged one last time. My entire body was shaking with need.

He chuckled. “Legs open wider. I want to watch.” he growled out as he worked his hand over his cock faster, trying to catch up to me. “ Eyes on me, kotenok. I want you to see just how much I’m going to fill you up when I get back to you.” he commanded and my eyes fixed on his cock as I worked desperately to hold off just a little longer, just so I could imagine the warmth of him as his cock throbbed deep inside, overfilling me as I finally went over the edge.

I watched hungrily as his cock throbbed and his seed slowly leaked down the length of it, licking my lips, panting breathlessly as I thrust myself against the movements of my own fingers buried deep inside of my cunt, working and scissoring, the quiet slosh of my juices making me almost feral. Desperate. My orgasm ripped through me, blinding and my body spasmed, my pussy clenching my fingers as my juices coated them and I dripped onto the bed below me.

Pietro growled hungrily, his breath coming in labored pants as my eyes fluttered open and fixed on him, still dazed from the high of my orgasm but knowing it was nothing like the one he was going to give me when he got home the next night. 

“Only 26 hours, kitten.” he mumbled sleepily after we exchanged our usual goodbyes and before he hung up the call…

Somehow I feel that this 26 hours is going to be the longest of my life thus far. But it’s worth the wait. He’s always worth the wait... 

[myrandom-fandomlife]

I Think I Kinda, You Know Chapter 1: The Agreement

JJ Maybank x Carrera! Reader 

Moodboard, Summary, and Playlist

Gif Credit 

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Swearing, implications of smut, mentions of a toxic relationship and cheating

A/N: So, I’ve been working on this for a while, trying to make it an awesome first chapter. I was originally going to write actual smut into it, but I decided against it because I feel like my smut is super cringe. I might write descriptive smut in future chapters. I’m really proud of this, so I hope you guys like. Huge thanks to my beta and irl best friend @otherfandomsrun​ for proof reading, helping with ideas, and hyping me up. Show her some love! I kinda ended this on a cliff hanger, but I’m already working on chapter 2! Fic is below the cut, and feel free to ask to be on the tag list!

You sat next to your sister, Kiara, on the HMS Pogue. That pogue group of friends had expanded quite a bit in the last year. First it was you, Kie finally deeming you old enough to tag along on their adventures. (Which you had, anyway. You were only a year younger, for God’s sake.) Then Sarah, who you and Kie weren’t too fond of, but once you got to know her she was actually pretty awesome. Sarah’s dating John B, Kie and Pope are… complicated, which leaves you and JJ. Generally, you are left alone together because the others have paired off, and recently there has been some unexplained tension between the two of you. You couldn’t lie either, JJ is hot. But, you knew JJ wasn’t one for commitment, and if Kiara knew about your attraction to him, you wouldn’t hear the end of it. So you try your best to repress any non-platonic feelings of attraction down.

“You good Y/N?” Sarah asked. She’s laying her head in John B’s lap across from you. Pope is driving the boat and Kie is next to you, looking out at the water. JJ is on the other side of you, smoking.

“Yeah, just spaced out for a second. I’m good though,” You smiled and leaned over to the cooler to grab another beer. 

“I’m bored,” JJ complains, promptly stealing your beer, taking a long gulp. 

“Come on, JJ! I just opened that!” He smirks at you so retaliate by stealing his blunt from his hand and taking a hit.

“I know,” He takes another long drink. You take another hit and blow the smoke in his face. 

Kie pinches your side, making you flinch, “Careful. If you go home smelling like weed, mom and dad will have a fit.” Your parents weren’t strict, really. And they had warmed up to your group of friends quite a bit, occasionally inviting them over to dinner or to eat at the restaurant. Surprisingly, your mom’s favorite of the group was JJ, and she had always wanted either you or Kie to date him. She loved Pope, though, of course, but you thought she probably wanted to take in JJ as the son she never had. 

“Nah, Kie, let her live a little. Plus, your parents aren’t home tonight. Something about a ‘much needed date night.’” He shrugs at your confused faces and steals the joint back, taking a long drag. “She told me I have to stay with Y/N while Kie is working late tonight.” She was always talking to JJ and putting him to work when he came over to pick up you and Kie, so you weren’t surprised she had told him that before you guys left.

“Oh no, you don’t have t-” You start.

“I’m glad she’ll have someone there, I don’t like her being home alone,” Kie cuts you off, giving you a look that says ‘don’t argue with me, because I’ll win.’

“Yeah, some of the guys on Figure Eight, are super creepy,” Sarah adds. John B nods in agreement, but you think he’s dozing off. 

“You mean like, your brother?” Kie asks, causing Sarah to laugh.

“That guy, Chad, that Y/N dated was a huge creep, though,” JJ adds with a hint of hostility, and everyone nods in agreement. 

“And a cheater!” Pope calls, causing you to tense up. Chad was still a sore subject for you. You had dated for 6 months and right at the end you found out he had been sleeping with other girls the whole time. You broke up about a month ago and you were definitely over him, but it still hurt to know you wasted 6 months of your life on that scumball.

“Too soon, man,” JJ answers, passing the blunt back to you. You and him had grown closer in the past month, him being there to comfort you after the break up when the others couldn’t. Not to say that Kie and Sarah weren’t there for you, Sarah came to your house and you three watched movies all night when it happened. Of course, all three of the boys offered to fight him for you- which you politely declined; but it’s the thought that counts. Everyone helped you cope one way or another, but whether they were working, doing school work, or navigating their own new relationships, they couldn’t be there for you as much as JJ had in the past month. You weren’t mad at all, though. You were sort of grateful it had been him. Everyone else was walking on eggshells around you the first week or two, like they were scared to be happy in front of you. JJ was his usual self, though. He would make you laugh, and let you cry. He was there when you needed him most, and you were glad.

You happily take his offer and shrug the comment off, “It’s okay, J, he’s right.” He gives you a sympathetic look that says, you sure? And you nod, handing his joint back. 

“Oh shoot, I have work in an hour,” Kie says just as we pull up to the dock.

“Dad needs me home tonight to help with some project at the house,” Pope adds, while JJ starts securing the boat to the pier.

“Hey,” Sarah taps John B’s face lightly, “We have dinner with my parents soon. Time to wake up.” He stirs and opens his eyes groggily, flinching a little from the light. Everyone gathers their things, sunkissed and exhausted from the day of boating.

“And we have absolutely nowhere to be,” JJ playfully bows and holds out his hand to help you up onto the small deck. 

You laugh and take his hand, stepping off the worn vehicle. “Except for watching Friends at my house.”

“Very true. Pizza?” He asks brightly. JJ coming over to watch movies or binge a tv series while eating pizza with you and sometimes Kie had become a common occurrence. These nights usually ended with the two or three of you falling asleep sprawled on the sofa together.

You nod, “Duh.” A small chuckle escapes him and you walk up to the Chateau, where you had all met that morning. Then you all start going your separate ways, but you, Kie, and JJ all pile into the silver SUV your parents had gotten for Kiara when she turned 16. They got you a car when you turned 16 a couple of months ago, but Kie liked driving more than you did. You thought maybe it made her feel like you still needed her, which you do. You can’t imagine not having Kie to help you through everything in your crazy life. 

The sound of JJ saying your name from the front seat snaps you out of your thoughts, “What, JJ?” 

He turns his head and his lips curve into a smirk, “Oh nothing, I was just saying how hot you look tonight.” He then bursts out laughing at what you assume is the look on your face.

Small giggles leave you. Kie shoves JJ’s shoulder lightly and adds, “Stop hitting on my sister!” At that you and Kiara crack up too, the car filled with your laughter as you head home.

--------

Approaching the large house, Kie jumps out of her car almost as soon as it’s parked, muttering about being late and needing to get ready. As you and JJ head inside, JJ questions, “Want me to order the pizza?”

“Yeah, I just want to change out of this swimsuit,” You scrunch your nose up, “Saltwater.”

He softly smiles, “The usual?” You shake your head yes and shoot him a grin in return before turning to go up the stairs. You swear you can feel his eyes on you as you retreat.

You try to be quick, donning a cropped t-shirt and some cotton shorts. You throw your hair into a messy bun, bounding down the stairs when you’re done. Your eyes land on the blonde-haired boy in the living room and you see that he already has the pizza, “What are you? Magic?”

His eyes slowly trail down your body, making your face heat up, but he laughs, “Nah, just had to name drop and I was given high priority on my order.”

You giggle, and he adds that Kie had left for work while you were changing. You help get blankets set up on the couch, and turn on the tv. He’s already grabbed a few beers to split between the two of you and you usually just eat the pizza straight out of the box. Pressing play on Friends, you start your favorite kind of night.

--------

A whole pizza and two beers each into your sleepover, you’re both feeling a little buzzed. Currently, you are discussing Chandler and Monica’s relationship, “Yeah, I don’t know. I haven’t been laid in a while so I feel like I need a situation like them, where they just have sex. Minus the feelings though, because gross.” You shudder dramatically and he laughs.

“Yeah, I agree. I just want someone I can have really good sex with, no strings attached.”  He pauses, then looks up at you, a calculating expression on his face.

Then you get what he’s thinking, “JJ...”

“No, think about it. We’re both super hot, we both want to get laid, and we both want no feelings. We could even make a contract if that makes you feel better?” He rambles for a second, still thinking.

“Okay, say we did do this. What would the rules be?”

“Well, there’s the obvious one. The other pogues cannot know. Especially not Kie.” He licks his lips.

You nod, “Yeah, I get that. How about, if one of us gets uncomfortable with the arrangement, we stop?”

He meets your eyes with his dark blue ones and moves toward you on the couch, “Agreed. The last one is very important. We absolutely are not allowed to fall in love. Can you manage?” His lips curve into that smirk again and you can’t help but let a small laugh tumble past your lips.

“I can, can you?” He moves even closer from his side of the couch, and your breathing hitches. The noises from the TV can’t be heard over the sound of your blood rushing in your ears.

“Definitely.” Then his lips are on yours and you forget how to breathe for a second. His tongue is exploring your mouth, hands moving to the bottom of your thighs to wrap your legs around his waist. He starts kissing down your neck, your hands pulling at his hair and making him groan into you.

You feel him bite down on your soft skin, your chest heaving. “Fuck, JJ. Upstairs,” You moan when he continues his antics. He complies with your request and let’s just say, it was a very good night.

--------

You wake up naked, with an ache between your legs as you slowly recall the events from the night before. You groggily open your eyes, spotting a familiar blonde head right away. He looks peaceful. You turn over to check your clock and realize you have an hour until your early work shift, meaning Kie will be knocking at your door very soon.

“Shit,” You tap JJ lightly on the shoulder and he stirs, “J, get up, Kie’s gonna be at my door soon and I don’t think she’s gonna like that you’re currently naked in my bed.”

He smiles, “Good morning to you, too, sunshine.”

You hit him with your pillow, “I’m serious, JJ!” You get up, stumbling a bit on your sore legs, which he smiles proudly at. Then you’re rushing to put some clothes on and he reluctantly does the same.

He puts his hands out in front of him in surrender, “Okay, okay. How am I supposed to get out without Kie seeing? I can’t exactly walk out the front door.”

“Um.. how about the window?” Before JJ could respond, there was a knock at the door, both of your eyes widening in shock.

Tag list: @treestarrrrrrrr​ @sspidermanss​ @harrysbbby​ @thatsonobx​

[shippedwithmonsters]

Okay, so I'll start with Sophie.

(The actual gushing starts after a hearty bit of expository infodumping; read at your discretion)

I call her "Sophie" because her name is Sophia in the set of characters she was previously grouped with —

(Here's the complicated origin bit: She was originally based on a similar character in my current 'verse, but I imported her design into what amounts to a highly customizable girlfriend-themed paper doll/dress-up app, and I've been steadily creating new characters based on my now 7 designs there over the past 6 years, but I wasn't sure how to re-integrate Sophie into the 'verse she originally came from because out of all of them she was the only one who started there. Actually, if I'm gonna get really meta, I made an avatar for her on the app because she's always been the character I was most attracted to, but I felt weird thinking of her that way because I already designed a canon love interest for her, and even though he's technically also an S/I, he's like an idealized version of me that I have trouble relating to... ...but after exploring self-shipping in the past few months, I figured out how to incorporate her back into my main 'verse as a new character, and while I've had a version of her on the app for a while now, I'm so happy to have her back in-universe in a form my current, more-relatable S/I can interact with.)

—in this 'verse I haven't fully decided on her name, but she's probably "Galatea" (because out of all the designs that in-universe are creations loved so much by their creator that they were given life, she's the one who the name's literal translation best applies to i.e. "milk-white").

She's pretty much my ideal person, if I had to pick only one person. (I may or may not be considered polyamorous; it's more that I've long doubted I'll ever find one person who is simultaneously all the personality types I'm into. Irl I've only loved once and... ...it didn't work out.)

She's a lot like me, personality-wise (devoted, meticulous, and simultaneously hard-wired for logic and overwhelmed by feelings, et al) because on some level that's really the only kind of person that would work for me, so I designed her that way.

Visually, she's slightly taller than me (although about the same height as my S/I) She's pale white like bone or marble with at least waist length black hair and deep indigo eyes (again several of these traits she shares with my S/I, reflecting the above "like me" aspect.

Oh, and she's kind of a vampire? It's more accurate to say she was modeled with all the same traits as my 'verse's vampires (claw nails included) but like all of my other F/O's she's a mineral construct themed after a sea creature, in her case a Vampire Squid. Because of course. Mineral-wise I'm toying with making her diamond because Twilight was a big thing for me back in the day, but she's less sparky vampire and more cold dense statue physiology vampire.

Ok so ^this is why I asked for time 🙃

Now to actually gush about her 😳

-I could stare into her eyes for hours. Days even.

-She knows this, and stares at me when she wants attention.

-In one particular instance, she was ready to go to bed, but I was staying up to work on something, so she basically said "don't mind me, I'll just be sitting here enjoying the view until you're ready"

-The reason for this is because she can't sleep without me. Sometimes she just stays up because "vampires watching their partner sleep" tendencies run deep, but when she feels tired, she likes to lay on top of me and listen to my heartbeat, gaze into my eyes, let me hold her tight and stroke her hair, etc, until she feels safe enough to drift off, and with the weight of her body pressing me into the bed it doesn't take long for me to follow.

-You might be asking, "wait, didn't you say she was cold and stone-like?" Yep!

-Because of this, before bed, we get to engage in a couple of my other favorite rituals- bathing and massages touch-starvation.

-Here's the fun part: because she's like me, she simultaneously prefers giving to receiving affection (like your vampire boy if I recall correctly) and willing consents to receiving said affection because she knows I feel the same way, and vice versa. So we take turns.

-Bathing together so she's warm and slippery, and washing each other's hair because it drives us both wild...

-Exploring each other's bodies (I love her shoulder blades) and leaving the other barely coherent from the sensuality, then carrying them bridal-style off to bed... (I feel so safe cradled in her arms 😳 and then she straddles me...)

-So since her physiology is stone-like, while she's initially cold, she retains heat. So when it's cold, after a hot bath, she keeps me warm all night... (and of course she can be a more traditional cold-to-the-touch vampire during warmer weather etc)

-Ok ok one more thing, and then I'll gush about someone else. Since we both love giving affection, one of our shared passions is taking care of my (/our) other F/O Nettie. I'll get back to her, but regardless of the fact that this version of her is wildly different than her original concept, either way she's an athletic/tomboy type who overexerts herself, and Sophie and I take one look at our tired and sweaty girlfriend, nod at each other, then scoop her off her feet and carry her off to be pampered senseless in many of the same activities mentioned above.

...yeah I really went overboard I just love her so much. Small endnote: a lot of the imagines I write are about Sophie, and part of the reason I described her above interacting with me rather than my S/I is because those imagines are set somewhere between the 'verse I'm currently writing and the app I designed her on. Because I love imagining soft domestic stuff with her but there's slightly less room for that in my canon, so in a sense I really do self-ship with her out-of-context as if she was a more traditional F/O rather than the OC F/O she is. Sorry if any if this is too dense or complicated but feel free to ask for clarifications and stay tuned for more gushing 😊

Definitely no way I can completely comprehend all this tonight, but thank you for telling me about Sophie! I am curious, what dress up app do you use? All the ones I used to use to make my characters died when Flash died. :(

Okay, actually I did read the whole thing and umm I loves? Sophie sounds amazing! And goodness, what is it about falling asleep with vampires that's so darn appealing? rofl.

Thank you for all this! It honestly made me really happy to read!

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

[kutemouse]

Buzzed

Disclaimers: I made and edited the gif above (I know it’s not that good but w/e lol). That’s why I’ve posted this under the #btsgif tag. Feel free to use however you like, just please give me credit for the edit. Thanks 💜

I did not create the gorgeous edits in my header, but I did edit them together into the frames, add my title, and my name. Credit for these amazing edits (from left to right) go to @jixio, @yeonkiminsgirl, and @kookbite. I did not touch their edits in any way, and their watermarks are intact. Please check them out, they do great work.

Age Recommendation: 21+

Genre: Bartender AU w/ Jungkook, Angst, Smut

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, swears, JK being the sexy, manly man that he is, very soft dom JK, making out, angsty feels

Word Count: 1,847

Damn, why is JK so fucking sexy? C;

You can find the original request here. They used my Prompt List:

Angst #26 He/she/person is hot, but evil.

Smut #46  Awww, you’re playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.

Smut #56  I’m gonna fuck you so good you won’t even remember that asshole’s name.

So I kind of took this and ran with it… enjoy C; Part 2 (with smut) coming soon!

Preview: Damn. This bartender might be hot, but he was evil. We sat in silence for a moment before Jungkook took my hand, startling me. I looked up into his large, dark eyes, his expression earnest, his mouth turned up in a half-smile. “Look, I know we just met, but… Can I drive you home tonight? I don’t think you should be alone.”

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

I rested my cheek on my hand, taking another swig from the beer bottle in my other hand only to find it empty. “Hey, can I get another?” I asked, trying to keep my words from slurring together.

The bartender glanced at me as he filled a shot glass. “You okay over there, sweetheart?”

I nodded slowly before resting my head on the bar counter, looking up at him through the strands of hair that had flopped over my eyes. “‘M fine, whadda mean?”

He chuckled, striding over as I sat up, setting a glass full of liquid in front of me. It was clear, but it wasn’t in a shot glass. It was in a tall one with ice in the middle. “What’s this?” I asked, sitting up.

“Water.”

I grimaced. “This isn’t what I ordered.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m cutting you off. You’re done for tonight.”

“The fuck?” I muttered. He tossed a smirk at me that made my insides flutter. Damn this bartender. He was extremely good-looking, with raven-black hair parted down the right side of his head, shiny from a bit of gel. His white shirt stretched over his toned torso, and his tight, dark jeans left almost nothing to the imagination. And if that wasn’t enough, he had lips that were a perfect shade of pink, his top lip half the size of his bottom lip, coming together in the middle to form the most perfect cupid’s bow I’d ever seen.

I blinked, shaking myself out of my stupor. “The fuck?” I said even louder. “Where do you get off?”

“Lower your voice, sweetheart,” he said, pointing to the glass. “And drink up.”

I reluctantly obeyed, wincing as I the cold drink hit the back of my throat. I downed the water in one go. “Can I have another beer now?” I asked.

“Nope.”

Damn. This bartender might be hot, but he was evil.

“Fine,” I muttered, leaning my head against my cheek once more.

I watched as he served the rest of his customers, biting my lip every time his muscles shuddered whenever he picked up a glass or pulled on the handle of the beer tap. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I got dumped, what, only two hours ago, and I was already checking out another guy? Shit, I was pathetic.

That was nothing new, though. Just last week my best friend had told me she thought I had issues with being alone. Apparently that’s why I decided to stay with my asshole boyfriend even though I knew damn well he was fucking my other so-called best friend behind my back.

Once he finished serving everyone else, the bartender walked back over to me and refilled my water glass, setting it down in front of me before crossing his arms over the bar counter and leaning over it towards me. I flushed, not-so-subtly noticing the way his biceps flexed.

“So tell me, sweetheart,” he said. “Why are you here tonight?”

“No reason,” I mumbled.

“Uh-huh.”

“Just… needed a few drinks, y’know?”

He tilted his head, the black strands of his bangs falling into his eyes. “Sure. What’s your name?”

“None of your business.”

He chuckled. “Awwww, you’re playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.”

“Nothing cute about it,” I muttered, downing my second glass of water.

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

I could feel the effects of the alcohol slowly ebbing away, and I sat up even more, feeling more coherent than I had all night. “Fine.”

“Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook.”

“Y/n.”

“So… y/n. Wanna tell me the real reason why you’re here?” he asked, looking me up and down.

I sighed. “My boyfriend’s a jerk.”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“He’s a cheating, lying bastard,” I replied matter-of-factly. “Hey, can I trouble you for another water?”

Jungkook grabbed my glass and filled it once more. “If he’s such a bastard, why are you still with him?”

“I’m not,” I said, gratefully taking the now full glass and taking a sip.

“So you dumped his ass?”

“No,” I sighed, slumping over. “That’s the sad part. I should’ve dumped him, should’ve made him feel bad for doing that to me… but I didn’t. I kept struggling with what to do, and before I could figure it out, he broke up with me.”

My voice cracked towards the end of my story, and Jungkook looked at me with concern in his large, dark eyes. His mouth had tightened as he listened, his large hands now gripping the edge of the bar so hard his knuckles turned white. “I hate cheaters,” he growled. “You know, it seems every week, I get someone in here, drinking themselves half to death, so wasted they don’t even know their own name… all because their significant other couldn’t be faithful.”

“I believe it,” I croaked, my throat thick. “People can be assholes.”

“Agreed.”

Jungkook sighed before leaning back. “Look, do you have anyone to take you home?” he asked. “So you don’t have to be alone tonight?”

I shook my head. “Nope. My two best friends are unfortunately out of commission. One is out of the town, and the other… Well, she was the one my boyfriend was fucking.”

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief. “Wow.”

“I know.”

We sat in silence for a moment before he took my hand, startling me. I looked up into his large, dark eyes, his expression earnest, his mouth turned up in a half-smile. “Look, I know we just met, but… Can I drive you home tonight? I don’t think you should be alone.”

I hesitated before nodding. It was quite late, I did need a ride, and although he was a stranger, something about him seemed trustworthy.

(Author’s note: Please, for the love of god, don’t accept rides or get in cars with random strangers irl)

Jungkook glanced over his shoulder at the other customers, some of whom were starting to pack up and stumble drunkenly out into the street. “We close in fifteen, then I’ll need half an hour to clean up, is that okay?”

I nodded once more. Nearly an hour later, I found myself out in the parking lot, scuffing my shoes against the pavement as I waited for Jungkook. The bar’s lights flicked off, and he came out, wearing a black leather jacket and making sure to lock the doors securely behind him. He turned, a smile spreading over his lips when he saw me. “You’re still here.”

“I still need that ride.”

He chuckled as he pressed a button on a key fob, a black SUV lighting up as it unlocked. “You feeling sober yet?”

“Sure am, thanks to you,” I teased as we clambered into the car. He started the engine and drove down the streets, following my directions until we came to a stop in front of my apartment.

Jungkook shut the engine off then looked at me. “You sure you’ll be okay tonight?”

I swallowed, the lump in my throat returning. “Well, if I’m being honest, no, I’m not sure.”

He gripped the steering wheel. “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” I said, swiping at a stray tear that had leaked out.

Jungkook unbuckled his seat belt and leaned towards me, tentatively reaching out a finger and caressing my cheek, wiping away a second tear. “You’re lying,” he murmured. “I think there is something I can do.”

He lunged towards me, crashing his lips into mine, surprising the fuck out of me. I shoved him back. “What the hell?!” I gasped.

Sitting there, with his large eyes staring at me, pupils blown beautifully wide, mouth parted as he held his breath, waiting for my next move, only three words came to mind. “Awww, fuck it.”

I took hold of his shirt collar and yanked him back towards me, pressing my lips feverishly to his. He shoved his tongue into my cavern, tasting it, exploring it, forcefully dominating my tongue with his in a way that brought my buzz flooding back, no alcohol needed. I began to push back, swirling my tongue around his before drawing back just enough to wrap my lips around the muscle and suck. Jungkook grunted and kissed my cheek, my jaw, then my neck, stopping to nip at the skin right where my neck and shoulder connected, drawing a loud moan out of me.

I clambered over to his seat, straddling him, and I could feel his hardening member even through both of our jeans as we continued our heated make-out session. Jungkook pulled back to once more kiss his way down my neck, and my senses came to as he started unbuttoning my shirt and mouthing at my cleavage. “Wait,” I panted. “We… We can’t do this.”

He groaned before leaning back in the seat. “Why, what’s wrong?”

“It’s just… I don’t know you, and I’m probably doing this just because I’m emotional, and I don’t want to be even more pathetic than I already am.”

Jungkook’s brow furrowed at my words. “You’re not pathetic,” he said. “You were hurt. You didn’t know what to do, that’s normal.”

I looked down at our laps, letting my hair fall around my face. “I was… I was weak,” I mumbled, my voice husky as my throat once again grew thick.

“No, you weren’t. So you don’t have some crazy revenge story… so you’re more careful in your decision-making than other people… so you took some time to figure out your next move… so what?” Jungkook said, lightly grasping my jaw and lifting my chin so we were looking at each other. I was surprised to see his wide, dark eyes so full of determination. “That doesn’t make you weak,” he growled. “That makes you rational and thoughtful… traits I like in a girl.”

A blush spread over my cheeks, but I didn’t look away. “Yeah, and that’s another thing,” I said. “I don’t want you to just be a one-night stand or a rebound fuck… If I’m gonna sleep with someone, I want it to be real.”

Jungkook leaned forward, our noses nearly touching, and I suddenly became very aware of the fact that I was still straddling him. He reached up and combed his hands through my hair, the strands falling between his fingers as I closed my eyes at his touch. “Who says this isn’t real?” he murmured. “You caught my eye the second you walked in my bar. We have a real connection, y/n. I don’t want you to be just a one-night stand, either.”

I didn’t know if what he was saying was true or not, but if I were to ever fall in love again, I knew that was going to be a risk I was going to have to take. I reached over Jungkook and pulled on the handle, popping open the car door and clambering off of him to the ground. I grabbed his hand, intertwining his fingers between mine. “Come on,” I said, nodding towards my apartment. “I have a bed up there that’s dying for some use.”

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Part Two coming soon!

[risrielthron]

Who We Were

This took a good long while because there was a retcon in November of 2015 that kinda forced Risri into hiatus. When I brought her back for the paper in 2016, some details changed but still this was an eye-opening exercise of how I’ve grown as both an RPer and a writer. Anything that does not have brackets is the same.

Take a trip down memory lane, pull up the oldest ‘about’ post you can find for your character, and annotate what has changed and what has stayed the same in {Curly brackets}. 

(I borrowed this from @alyssa-ward​​ because what a cool exercise)

Originally posted October 4, 2015

Character’s full name: Risri Elthron Reason or meaning of name:  combination of Mother's best friend's name (still alive) and her mother's sister who died - Rislana (best friend) and Kiari (sister). The Elthron family have mostly played a back seat in the history of the Kaldorei. {Both of these origins have kind of changed. Risri’s name became a place that her parents named her after, something that was important to her father’s family in an RP with her aunt. The last name Elthron was chosen by Risri during her exile her original family name is Kal’serrar.} Character’s nickname:  Ris Reason for nickname: just a short form of Risri

Physical appearance

Age: 403 {she has aged 1 rl year each year since 2015 she is currently 408 years old} How old does he/she appear: to a human about 20ish {I actually think now she probably seems a little older to people) Weight: We don't ask ladies this! Though she looks healthy and toned. {I figure she’s whatever the average weight is for female elves} Height: Average for a Kaldorei {This has changed a bit. I have her just a tad shorter than Dragaur in human form so she’s 6’2” which apparently is short for an elf} Body build: She's not a body builder but her activities keep her in shape. Shape of face: Typical Kaldorei {She did not have a face claim at the time nor did she have art.  Her face looks like this art the most.}

Eye color: White {I list it as silver now} Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: light purplish Distinguishing marks: Claw tattoo (gained during her Druid initiation ceremony) Hair color: Purple Type of hair: Long Hairstyle: up in a ponytail or straight down her back {when I first made Risri I had her in the pigtail hair style. I quickly didnt like how it looks and changed it to the long style she sports now. It has not changed since} Voice: typically soft {I imagine her voice and accent a bit like Gal Gadot’s natural voice} Overall attractiveness: again not really caught up in her appearance so someone may need to tell her and even then she will more than likely blush and stammer a thank you. {This has changed so so much from when I first created her.  She knows she is lovely and she will probably think you want something from her if you flatter her appearance.} Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: For events: dresses...she has discovered she likes pretty pretty dresses.  For class: simple black pants and a simple shirt  {So this too has changed from when I first created her.  She aims for comfort and style. She most often will be found in one of these} Favorite outfit: Dresses, she found a lovely gold and white dress that has become her favorite {I dont even know what dress this was but Im sure it was something from my early days on wra-I would say her favorite outfit is probably one of the ones above} Jewelry or accessories: She wears a button on a string around her neck. She fondles it every so often. {The button on a string has actually moved to her bag, she now sports a ruby necklace from Dragaur, her bracelet with several charms on it, and always has her camera}

Personality

Alignment: Good {I think I would classify Risri now as more neutral these days} Good personality traits: Loves animals, children, books, meeting new people (even though she can be shy, she enjoys it), giving, loyal  {This is all true except for the shyness, I don’t actually rp Risri as shy. She may be standoffish but thats cause IRL I am shy but Risri most definitely has no fear of talking to people} Bad personality traits: shyness can sometimes stop her from joining in, when she is caught up in research she may ignore others not to be hurtful she just gets caught up  {I think this one goes with the other, as for bad traits today, I usually say she can be stuck in her ways at times and can be over protective} Mood character is most often in: happy {I would say this is still true but she’s had her share of pain} Sense of humor:  silly things make her laugh {Not so much silly things but she definitely has a more snarky is funny sense of humor} Character’s greatest joy in life: running in the forest as a cat {Taking pictures and being a druid are equal} Character’s greatest fear: the death of her mother {This has actually come out in RP as a fear of mind control.  She would fear the death of her mother but mind control tops it.} Why?  Her mother and her are very close (unusual for Kaldorei, as they grow up communally typically), travelling with her mother in her formative years they relied upon each other What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Ris would be devastated if something happened to her mother  {I think the death of Latilda, and then when she thought Dragaur was dead, and subsequently the death of Suzi in the office are three of the most profound things that made Risri change some. Her fel contamination would come a close fourth Currently, if something was to really happen to Dragaur, Sky, or Selise it would mess up Risri for a while} Character is most at ease when: Researching {Funnily enough this might still be true, but I would say taking pictures is probably more} Most ill at ease when: at war {This is true, but as she found out both at Darkshore and recently when there are forsaken involved she has no hesitation in killing.} Enraged when: witnessing senseless destruction of sacred places or artifacts {I completely forgot that I chose that, but I would say it has not changed. She also does not stand for people she cares about being hurt, this one is tricky though and I often have to tame it down because of interactions with others.} Depressed or sad when:  she is a pretty positive individual, depression and sadness are fleeting if they happen at all. {This has matured over time. She gets very introspective at times and definitely will seek alone time when she is sad.} Priorities: Learn about as many cultures as she can, current focus is Treants. {So long ago… Her priorities currently are her studio, Dragaur, and helping the Kaldorei still homeless.} Life philosophy: Learn, Learn, Learn then share it all!  {This was definitely written back in my Stormwind University days. Her philosophy “Be kind. It’s worthwhile to make an effort to learn about other people and figure out what you might have in common with them.”} Character’s soft spot: her Sprite Darter "Flutter" {Also a certain worgen} Is this soft spot obvious to others? Sometimes {while I dont play it up too much she is very attached to Flutter. As for the worgen, yes when they are together it is clear she has a soft spot for the gruff one} Greatest strength: Passion for learning {This is probably still true but I would say she also is a pretty good photographer and a loyal friend.} Greatest vulnerability or weakness:  Naivety of how the world really works even though she has travelled the two main continents extensively she has been sheltered by her mother. {This was one of the things I retconned out of her when I brought her back for the paper. Risri may be unknowing of some human interactions but she is far from naive in most cases.} Biggest regret: That one time at band camp...seriously she is young so right now she doesn't have one but this may play into her development and story later. {HUGE change here... in fleshing her out in RP the biggest regret is and always will be the incident that forced her out of the Sentinels but not the results because it let her become a druid so its a double edged regret} Minor regret: she forgot to tell her mom about the time she ...oh that might not be appropriate for here {Again a change that came about from RP, that she threatened Dragaur with turning him in. She would never do that and she said it in a moment of frustration with him during a fight. It hurt them both too much.} Biggest accomplishment: coming soon  {Running the paper. Opening her studio. either} Minor accomplishment: joining the University! {so many things, her writings, some of her photographs, saving people at Teldrassil, helping the Kaldorei in Stormwind.} Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: she was almost not able to become a druid...story for another time {This also changed with the retcon, but I would say the time she spent before coming to Stormwind would be something she would not want others to know about and will probably not talk about to anyone.} Why?  She loves being a druid so not being one… {I have thoughts about what she was doing but its not fleshed out. Maybe someday and I can revisit this.} Character’s darkest secret: She is a pretty open book. Maybe later she will have a "dark" secret.  {So this dark secret is the fact that she killed 10 Sentinels. That also came with the revamp.} Does anyone else know?  {Several people.}

Goals

Drives and motivations: Curiosity unusual for a Kaldorei and need to have answers to questions  { I would say this is somewhat still there and aided her when she was a reporter, but her drives and motivations are deeper now and the result of RP. She wants to make amends and sees her work with the Kaldorei refugees as part of that.} Immediate goals: Make friends with the treant she met at the Grove of Ancients {Keep her business running, aid the Kaldorei} Long term goals: Become an expert in as many cultures as she can {Live} How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Locate writings and interviewing others, spending time with treants ((her contact will be sending her around Azeroth and Draenor to meet with others)) {So her plan for her immediate goals are tied together. She takes a good portion of her profits from the studio and the two books she’s published to fund her relief efforts} How other characters will be affected: may be pestered for any little detail they have about treants  {Most of the people she interacts with in RP would not be impacted.}

Past

Hometown: Darnassus  {God I was such a noob.  Feralas is her home.} Type of childhood: travelled both continents with her mother {so noob. She spent her youth in Feralas, Ashenvale, and Darkshore.} Pets: Sprite Darter named Flutter and a curious little white kitten {I retconned the kitten. Its only Flutter} First memory: Leaves above her (could be why she is fascinated with the treants...) {I think I’ll leave this one.} Most important childhood memory: Her and her mother on a ship talking into the night {This can stay too} Why?  The closeness she felt to her mother {Because of this reason}

Present

Current location: Elwynn Forest, Jazimina Amberstill's "Ranch" {Stormwind City, either Dragaur’s apartment or her studio} Currently living with: Jazimina Amberstill and Ritti {Dragaur} Pets: Sprite Darter "Flutter" Religion: Follower of Elune {no change, add wild gods} Occupation: Researcher {Photographer} Finances: moderate {no change though she has more wealth than she lets on}

Family

Mother:  Kahrysta Elthron  {Oh wow I totally changed her mother’s name.. Its Alistra Kal’serrar } Relationship with her: good {excellent} Father: Brezlin Elthron Relationship with him: vague memories, he died when she was still a child Siblings: none Relationship with them: Spouse: none Relationship with him/her: Children: none {though she briefly adopted Ritti before they found the gnome’s family} Relationship with them: Other important family members: Mother's best friend Rislana is like an aunt  {her aunt Tara, cousins, and another aunt I dont have a name for.}

Favorites

Color: Green and Purple {blues could be added} Least favorite color: Orange {sorry Drag, but I dont think its true anymore} Music: any Food: Chocolate Cookies {See answer here} Literature: Any Form of entertainment: stories {plays, dances could be added} Expressions: "Indeed!" {Its not often I get to use it but I do like it} Mode of transportation: Winterspring Frostsaber, given to her by her mother when she hit adulthood (about 50 years ago) or flight form  {Flight form.  The frostsaber went away in the retcon} Most prized possession: her journal {Camera}

Habits

Hobbies: Dabbles in alchemy {more than dabbles now} Plays a musical instrument? No Plays a sport: no How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading a book, any book {taking pictures} Spending habits: thrifty {for herself this is probably true, for others she can be extravagant} Smokes: no  Drinks: not normally  {no change, but she will drink} Other drugs: no What does he/she do too much of? Read  {Take pictures} What does he/she do too little of?  Socialize just for fun {This is probably more true now since giving up the paper} Extremely skilled at:  Keeping a team alive when faced with challenges when exploring  {Photography, writing could be added} Extremely unskilled at:  a lot of things but she does hate cooking {LIES...I retconned this. She loves to cook. I don’t know...but I am sure there is something. It would probably be something she doesn’t do and has no desire to do.} Nervous tics: not sure someone may need to point that out to her  {She plays with the bracelet on her wrist when she’s nervous. } Usual body posture: relaxed and happy Mannerisms: polite {extremely so} Peculiarities: …  {hmm, I am sure there are some that have manifested over the five years I’ve been RPing her. Perhaps how she will always address a human as their full name unless she has been asked not to and will still use Ms. Mrs. Miss. Mr. with that name unless she feels close to you.}

Traits

Optimist or pessimist: Optimist Introvert or extrovert: Introvert until she gets to know you then she might not be quiet {I would say shes more mixed now.} Daredevil or cautious?: A little of both Logical or emotional: Emotional  {probably more mixed now though she can be emotional she just normally doesn’t let it show unless she is very comfortable with you} Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat: somewhere in between, depends on how wrapped up she is in her research but she does have a habit of cleaning up if there is a mess  { I would say she is very neat. Sky drives her crazy.} Prefers working or relaxing:  working {definitely would say this is still true} Confident or unsure of himself/herself: unsure internally, others probably see her as confident  {a little of this still lingers but unless you are close to her you wont see it} Animal lover: indeed

Self-Perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: an introvert who is more bookish than social  {This is still kinda true.} One word the character would use to describe self: shy  {Quiet} One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: A passionate learner and studier of peoples, loves animals, enjoys outdoors, and exploring is exciting.  {A memory keeper, lover of animals and the outdoors, her passion for photography as a way to preserve memories is high.} What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? her passion for learning  {her compassion for others} What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? her shyness ((its all in her head too, she really can be quite un-shy when meeting new races or investigating something though in social entertainment type situations she is at a loss)) {so retconned, she would say her possessiveness when it comes to the people she cares about.} What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? She is unaware of her appearance most of the time  {She likes her hair.} What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? She hates her feet...not really  {I’ll keep this if only cause I dont know} How does the character think others perceive him/her: She sometimes thinks too much about this and sometimes it doesn't bother her at all  {She is very conscious of being a Kaldorei business woman in a human society. She strives to show that her people are trustworthy and kind.} What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: her shyness  {Since I retconned the shyness...I don’t know...Risri believes she can be a better person but its something that you work on each day.} 

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: opportunity to learn  {She is still curious about others and likes people watching. She thinks most people are good at heart.} Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others: hmm, I think this will depend upon the relationship and situation  {Oh most definitely, this was honed during her time as a reporter where she hid a lot of her thoughts about things.} Person character most hates: no one (yet)  {Elyza Morrowbranch} Best friend(s): her mother / Jazi  {Sky Stoneseat} Love interest(s): none (yet)  {Dragaur} Person character goes to for advice: her mother / Dean Crowelley  { Dragaur, Sky, Selise} Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Ritti  {Dragaur, Sky } Person character feels shy or awkward around: cute boys...oh ok anyone in an entertainment social situation, when she is meeting others for what she calls "research" she emulates her mother's ambassador ways as much as possible  {So such a noob.  She really doesn’t except older Kaldorei...she worries what they know of her past.} Person character openly admires: her mother and Rislana Silverwind  {Who is Rislana Silverwind omg I totally forgot this was a thing. Will have to think of someone else as Rislana is a Draenei now.  As for who she admires?  Her mother, Selise, Sky, Eilithe, Feyawen, Anegorn, and a few others.} Person character secretly admires: Dean Crowelley {I don’t think there is anyone she secretly admires, if she likes you, you know.} Most important person in character’s life before story starts: her mother  After story starts:  Ritti, Jazi, and the university faculty  {Dragaur, Sky, Selise}

If you made it here thanks for looking at the changes of Risri over the course of the last five years.  Its been a long, strange, crazy trip but I wouldn’t change much about it. If you want to do this, I encourage you to! And tag me cause I wanna read!

[solesurvivorkat]

FC5 Deputy GFH Dialogue

(Quickie ‘Katie IRL’ Update: So sorry for lack of writing... to be succinct, I might have a sleep disorder, possibly Sleep Apnea - been very tired/lethargic for several months now, finally have a test scheduled for late August. Will have to ‘make do’/power through fatigue until then. I will do my best to jump-start my writing {and my YT channel} until then!

Also - as for ‘I Need to Tell You’ (FC5 no-cult AU fic) - I don’t think I have a ton of readers for that one, so I’m just gonna stick to the movie-plot where I can & finish it up {the end is nearing!}. If anyone wants to read anything else from that ‘verse, lemme know & I’ll whip something up - otherwise, I’m gonna finish that up & get back to working on ‘The Book of John’ again, which is loooong overdue {poor Sarah’s been in John’s bunker forever, lol!}. THAT said... )

~~~~~~~~

Deputy Sarah Rook

(NOTE: My apologies if Sarah’s dialogue is similar to anyone else’s OC’s... I promise and swear that if it happens, it’s purely coincidental. I am adamant about not {purposely} stealing anyone else’s creativity! <3  Also, this is quite long... but it’s not everything in FC5, so if you like it & want even more, just lemme know, lol.)

With Fangs for Hire:

Boomer: “Aww, who’s my sweet, brave boy?” (kisses forehead) - “Good boy, Boomer!” - “I know what it’s like to have someone you love taken away from you... but don’t worry boy, you’re not alone. And I’ll do everything I can to make sure you never are again.” - “I won’t let Eden’s Gate use you, I promise.” - “Boomer, go!” - “Rae-Rae won’t have died in vain, I promise you.”

Peaches: “I’m... usually more of a dog person - but as long as I get to keep all my fingers and limbs, I’m satisfied.” - “Peaches, attack!” - “Us girls gotta stick together, right?” - “Hmm... one blue eye, one brown. Unique!” - “Needless to say, a cougar’s a very dangerous pet. Miss Mable never should have tried to raise you in captivity. Still... it can be handy to have a cougar for an ally.” - (gives affectionate pets) “Aww, my sweet little ‘danger kitty’...”

Cheeseburger: “You’re like a... big, dangerous teddy.” (laughs) - “Cheeseburger! How are ya, buddy?” - “Wade was sweet to look after you. I promise I’ll try to do the same.” - “I will not let Jacob take you.” - “Ohh, those big brown eyes of yours...” - “I can’t believe Wade not only found a collar to fit you, but also one that had cheeseburgers on it. Wow.” - “I’m glad you’re on my side, boy.” - “No, I can’t give you any more cheeseburgers. ...Stop looking at me like that, you know they’re not good for you. ...You’re on a diet, remember? ...  (sighs)  .....Okay, ONE burger. Don’t tell anyone.”

With other Guns for Hire:

Sharky

(serious) “Sharky... just between us... you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” - “Sharky... never change.” (smiles)

“Sharky, I know fire is your, uh- ‘specialty’, but... you need to try not burning down half the forest with us!” 

“Anything you say, Charlemagne.” 

“You and Hurk are a dangerous duo - in more ways than one.” 

(horrified, after hearing about his mom/parents) “Anyone who'd do that to an innocent baby doesn’t deserve them. You’re better off, Shark.” 

(cheesy grin) “I hope Eden’s Gate stocked up on ‘Shark repellent’!” 

(when fighting together) “Time for a ‘Shark attack’!” - “You’ve got us between a rock and a shark place!” - “Sarah and Shark, makin’ their mark!” - “You might be better off using your gun here, Sharky.”

“Disco, Sharky? Really? (sighs) ...All right, to each his own.”

“Hey Sharky, got a bad joke for ya - what’s a shark’s favorite bible story? ...’Noah’s Shark’!”

“Ride or die, buddy!”

“No matter what, I’ve always got your back, Sharky.”

Grace

(chuckles nervously/anxiously after seeing ‘serious/deadpan Grace’) “Sorry, I... joking around is kind of my ‘defense mechanism’...”

“A medal in the Olympics... that’s amazing, Grace. ...Er- no pun intended.”

“For what it’s worth... thank you for your service to our country.”

(after Grace mentions destroying copies of ‘Only You’, Sarah chuckles sadly) “Y’know, it’s funny... I actually used to like that song...”

“I know you want to protect your dad’s grave, I do completely understand... but we also need to help protect innocent people that’re still living too, you know? They need us... need you.”

Hurk

"Hercules Drubman Junior - as I live and breathe." (smiles)

“Hurk, I... don’t think a rocket launcher is the best weapon to use right now...”

“As... ‘tempting’ as ‘Hurk’s Gate’ sounds, I... don’t think it’s quite for me.”

(at a loss for words) “...Oh Hurk...”

“Y’know Hurk... there is a lot more to life than beer, drugs, and sex...” - (Hurk {looks horrified}: “...Say whaat? What’choo talkin’ ‘bout, Dep??”)

“Hurk, just... be careful.”

(stares blankly, then slowly raises an eyebrow) “...Monkey... King/God??”

“No offense dude, but... if your dad doesn’t stop talking I may have to ‘accidentally’ shoot him.”

(sneaking around) “You’re not exactly the ‘king of stealth’. Why don’t... you hang back here for a minute? I’ll signal you or call out if I need you.”

“To each their own, but ‘partying’ is... not really my thing.”

Adelaide

(pointing in turn to Sharky, Hurk, then Addie, during ‘tongue-in-cheek’ suggestions for Sarah) “No, no, and HELL no.”

(Addie: "Punch it Chewie! ...Bet you got a kick out of that, you fuckin’ nerd.") “Hey- I love the reference, and I’m proud of who I am. ...Mostly.” (smiles)

“Addie, for the last time - no, I did not inspect John's underwear drawer when I was at Seed Ranch. I was a little occupied at the time.” (turns bright red as Addie looks thrilled) “...That- that’s not what I meant!”

(reluctantly) “Addie? I kind of need some... ‘womanly advice’.” - (Addie, eyebrows raised: “And you came to me?? Oh hunny...”)

“While I appreciate your... ‘openness’, no - I do not need ‘tips’ from you and Xander about ‘positions’.”

“Addie... ‘showing more cleavage’ is not going to help me with the Seed brothers or Eden’s Gate, despite your insistence.”

“...I am not playing ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’...”

Nick

(after flying Carmina - and puking once landed) “Nick... if you ever make me do that again... I don’t know what I’ll do, but it’ll be bad.”

“Flying may be great for you, but I’m much happier with my feet on the ground.”

“I’ll protect you and your family as much as I can - that’s a promise.”

“Defending your business, plane, home, family, and friends like you have been... I’m sure your family would be very proud of you.”

“There he is, ‘King of the Skies’!”

“You and Kim... you’re lucky to have each other. I kind of envy that.”

“Rook and Rye - on land and in the sky!“

“I know fighting Eden’s Gate is important, but... don’t forget to be there for Kim too. We’ve [the Resistance] got this... Kim and your baby need you more.” 

(After Carmina's born) "How's Kim and the baby? You'd better be taking good care of my goddaughter!"

Jess

“I know we grew up in very different ‘environments’, but... I also know what it’s like to feel alone for a long time. No pressure, but... I’m here if you ever need someone to lend an ear.”

(re: Jess’s insane survival skills) “...You’ve got to teach me that/how to do that sometime.”

“You’re related to Dutch? Wow, that’s... kinda cool.”

“I thought I swore a lot, but... wow.”

“Yeah... I’m not one for small talk, either.”

In Combat

(to herself, stressed) “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...”

“Aw shit...”

“Fucking Peggies!”

(to herself, quickly and quietly) “You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day...”

“Let’s kick some Peggie ass!”

(to herself) “I can do all things through him who strengthens me...”

“May God have mercy on you.”

“I don’t think my soul is the one that needs saving!”

Driving

(hears ‘Oh John’ on the radio & starts humming along. After a couple seconds, realizes what she’s doing and shakes her head, murmuring to herself) “...Damnit...”

“I’m driving? If you say so.”

“ ‘Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need... roads.’ “ (smug grin)

“I used to like driving. Found it kind of relaxing, most of the time. ...That was before I started having to get used to being pursued and chased down by Eden’s Gate trucks.”

“Time for... LUDICROUS SPEED!”

“Fasten your seatbelts... it’s going to be a bumpy ride!”

Idle

“...So...?”

“Everything okay? Do you need a break?”

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but I spent most of my life in New England - Connecticut, actually. Born and raised. I moved out to Hope County only a few years ago, when the Deputy job opened up. Thought it’d be... a ‘fresh start’. ...Definitely didn’t expect anything like all this to happen.”

“I used to roll my eyes - or want to - every time the Sheriff and the other Deps called me ‘Rookie’. They thought it was so funny, on account of my last name and all, and me being the newest addition to the department. Now that we’re all spread out and fighting against the cult... I think I kind of miss it.”

“Some of the most horrible things imaginable... have been done by people who claim they had ‘good reasons’ behind their actions.”

“There’s an old proverb that states, ‘Hell is full of good meanings, but heaven is full of good works’. ...There’s a lot of wisdom in that.”

“God has a reason for everything, even if we don’t always understand why...”

“The right thing to do is not always the easy thing to do...”

“Faith is believing in things when common sense tell you not to.“

“Imagine the things we could accomplish... if we would just try.”

“ ‘Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.’ ...Make fun of me all you want, but it’s true.”

“I do love nature. ...You know... when it’s not being interrupted by religious idiots.”

“Courage isn’t the absence of fear... it’s deciding that something is more important than fear.”

Recruiting/Greeting

“I’ll do everything I can... you can count on it.”

“Good to see you again.”

“Let’s do this.”

“Stronger together!”

Dismissal

“Until we meet again - stay safe.”

“Call me if you need me.”

“Done already? Aww, you’re killin’ me, Smalls.”

Injured/Down

“God damnit... not yet...”

“FUCK!”

“This can’t be it...”

“I’m sorry... I tried...”

“I need some help!”

Revived/Assisted

“Thanks... now let’s teach these assholes a lesson they won’t soon forget.”

“Never tell me the odds!”

“Never give up, never surrender!”

“Thanks for the help!”

“Thanks... our work’s not done yet!”

Stealth

“Shh... ‘silence is golden’, remember?“

“Keep a low profile!”

“Be cautious...”

“Don’t let ‘em see you comin’...”

“ ‘Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise...’ ”

Being aimed at

“Watch where you’re pointing that.”

“I’m a much better shot than I let on. Just remember that.”

“Two hits - me hitting you, and you hitting the ground. I suggest you aim elsewhere.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Location-Specific:

By any body of water: “When I lived in Connecticut, I loved seeing the ocean. The lakes in Montana can be beautiful, but... it’s not quite the same.”

The Henbane: “Freakin’ Bliss.” / “Please promise me... that you’ll never, ever let me end up like one of Faith’s Angels.” / “Exploiting people’s weaknesses and fears to get them to do what you want... it’s wrong on so many levels.” / “Rachel Jessop wasn’t the first, or even the second ‘Faith Seed’... I wonder if she’s ever afraid of ending up like them.” / “God wants people to follow him willingly, to choose to do good - not be forced into it with trickery and fear. Even if - in an insane world - Joseph was right, it doesn’t excuse the things that Eden’s Gate has done. If they have a message to spread, this isn’t the way to do it.”

Holland Valley: “Saying ‘Yes’ to everything doesn’t make you a better person.” /  “Many people know the seven deadly sins... but few people can name - let alone even know about - the 'seven virtues': chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility. ...But you don’t see John tattooing those on people.” / John is... he’s done some horrible things. Committed heinous acts. But knowing the life he had to endure as a child when the Duncans adopted him... I hate so many of the things he’s done, but... part of me can’t help feeling sorry for him, too.” / “Underneath all those layers of ‘jackass’, way, waaaay deep down... I think there’s a lot of hurt and pain in John.”

The Whitetails: “Jacob acts like having feelings, friends, caring for things and people makes you weak. It’s just the opposite... having things to fight for - people to fight for - is a strength. More than just a ‘purpose’ - it’s a blessing.” / (angry) Jacob turning me into a weapon of destruction... he’s going to pay for that. / Forcing Bliss on animals to turn them into Judges... it’s wrong on multiple levels. / “I’m ‘weak’, Jacob? I’ll show you what a ‘weak’ person can do.”

[montocalypse]

For 'If I go now, I'd look for another you': Qs 1, 4, 13, 14 and 15. And for 'Sleepless,' Qs 6 and 10. (I know these are a lot, so feel free to take your time.) Thank you!

Thank you so much for the ask @soy-celeste! As you predicted, this did take a while, what with NaNo taking most of my free time, but here we go:

If I go now...

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Story time, kiddos. Back in early 2019, I was just generally feeling miserable and missing Monto while he was frozen out of the squad, and then Alessio posted a couple of photos on his Insta from some cultural event they both attended, and it was really all the push I needed. I’d never even thought of this ship before, but once I saw it, it couldn’t be unseen. I just loved the idea of these two spending time together and maybe even being friends outside Milanello.

I’ve always been drawn to the dynamic of being queer while playing professionally - some of you might remember my first longer story also exploring that theme - and I saw this as a perfect opportunity to take a deep dive. I’d rarely written Monto as the older/more experienced party before, so that was a bit of a challenge, but it was also very fitting considering I was processing my feelings over his absence and inevitable retirement through the story.

So, I wrote like half of the first chapter back in February 2019. Then I was floored by some massive changes in my personal and professional life, and dropped the story for over half a year. When I finally came back to it in the autumn, after Monto’s retirement had put things into a new perspective, I basically rewrote the whole thing to put more depth to their relationship and drive home this generational shift that was happening in Milan, with Monto being brushed aside while Alessio climbed up to become the captain. It became much more than just a simple coming out love story: I was basically reliving the last few years on Monto’s career through the story.

So yeah, the main inspiration was definitely Monto’s retirement, even though the story begins four years earlier. All the other themes - sexuality, friendship, feeling like an outsider, emotional growth etc - all ties back to it. In short, I was feeling emotional, so I was also expressing lots of emotions I was either going through or had gone through before, in the only way I knew how.

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

What a sneaky way to make me go through the story again!

It’s a tie between two very different scenes:

“Ask me why I kissed you.”

and

“Even after I met Cristina and fell in love with her, I kept expecting something to go wrong – for her to find out and leave me, for me to realize I wasn’t really into her, for someone else to come along and tell me I couldn’t be the person I wanted to be…”

First one because it packs all the unspoken feelings into one single sentence. It’s a scene I wrote in one sitting, with next to no edits even in the final version, and this line was something I knew I would use long before I actually got to do it.

The second one because I’m sick of bisexuality being swept under the rug, and this whole scene was my official ‘fuck you’ to everyone who thinks that being in a straight-passing relationship makes us any less queer.

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Sunrise Avenue has been my go-to band throughout the creation of this story, with Heartbreak Century (where the title and all subtitles come from), Somebody Like Me (Crazy), and Question Marks probably being the ones I’ve listened to the most while working this story.

14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

For the longest time I’d wanted to write a story with a bisexual character where the sexual identity matters. I feel like sexual orientation - bisexuality in particular - is often unfairly ignored/forgotten in favour of Fun Gay Shit(TM) in fanfiction, and it’s always kind of bugged me even though I’ve definitely done it myself on many an occasion. 

In this story I wanted to show that being bi is a valid identity that affects how people act and experience the world regardless of their relationship status, and we go through a lot of the same struggles as other LGBTQ+ individuals, as well as stuff that’s specific to us. If there’s one reader who picked that up and maybe gained a new perspective on how they view sexuality, I’d be very pleased.

15. What did you learn from writing this fic?

That sometimes it’s completely OK to take my time writing and updating a story. I think this might be the first time I haven’t felt guilty for taking months to update, because this fic started as a personal therapy project that I never expected anyone else to pick up. And honestly? Had I written and pushed it out when the idea first struck me, I don’t think the story would have turned out half as good, because only with time and numerous edits (and lots of help from @hendos) did I find the right balance and my voice as a writer.

Sleepless

6. What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

I could be cheap and just say it’s the ship because this is the only time I’ve written either Edi or Diego. However, that’d be selling it short, because this is actually one of the most personal stories I’ve ever written. 

I wrote it back when I was getting ready to move to another continent, and had to cope with an end to a very short-lived summer romance I’d gone through just before - that story didn’t end there, and it ended up being much more complicated than I’d ever imagined, but back then I didn’t know that. I just knew I’d found something special and I was choosing to walk away from it because if I didn’t, I would have regretted it. And that didn’t make the relationship-that-never-happened mean any less.

Sleepless, as short and (bitter)sweet as it is, re-tells a moment from the end of that non-relationship in as much detail as I could while also keeping true to the characters and context of the fictional relationship I was writing. I’m pretty sure it’s the only one among all my fics where I’ve basically lifted stuff from my own life and written it into a story with only some relatively small changes.

10. Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

I adopted Uruguay as my secondary national team during the 2010 World Cup after Italy went out. Sad, I know, but it was also surprisingly easy to fall for them when my attention wasn’t being hogged by the Azzurri. I remember falling particularly hard for Forlán, I was just awestruck.

When it came to choosing characters/pairing for this story, I knew I needed to find players with a clear age gap (to mirror the above-mentioned irl relationship) who were also living/about to live on other sides of the world. Forlán was the obvious choice because he was leaving Europe and I was upset to say the least.

As for Cavani, he was playing in Napoli at the time, so I’d been following him through Serie A, and was intrigued by this introverted singlemindedness I could see in him. I found it very relatable. He seemed like such an interesting person, I just wanted to take a shot at writing him, even if it was only a short piece.

[luciens-one-and-only-sea-otter]

Five Otome/Romance Game Men I Adore

Hai hai many thanks for thinking of me for this tag game @justine-the-guillotine !!

 I always feel pressure to do these things perfectly, even though it’s just talking about things I like :’) so please bear with me in my, probably, screaming appreciation. I’ve been thinking of a list a characters for a whole day and honestly I’m suddenly blanking,,, who do I adore? lol who knows,,, Well actually you are about to know cause I am going to tell you LOL. OkAY. Enough of this blabbering, onto the list of many mens.

Please know I am excluding Lucien (MLQC) because it is obvious that I adore him to a fucking fault. If you want to see me do a whole appreciation about those him just hmu in my asks or message me and I will go on for days bby

This list is in no way order of most to least adored, I physically could not make that kind of decision jkdfjksdfh. ALSO PLS KNOW I DO SWEAR LIKE A FUCKING SAILOR AND I TALK OF SMUSHING LOVELIES OFTEN. IT”S JUST MY PERSONALITY SO SHHHHH IF YOU DON”T LIKE IT DON”T READ IT BOO, THAT SIMPLE!

Takeda Shingen (Ikemen Sengoku) - Okay, I will be honest, I was very skeptical of sengoku period romance games because I had played some in the past,,, but holy shit, Shingen blew me away. He quickly rose up the ranks of otome men in my heart, and I think about him at least once a day now. I related so much with his MC because it was so hard not to lust and swoon over that man. I have no idea how or when I fell hard for him but it happened and I am not mad at all. I self insert so much with my games,,, and it’s easy for me to slip my real feelings into my fantasies. And honestly I really wish I could have Shingen IRL, ~~though I’m sure I would absolutely freak out and hide under a rock if he ever paid me any attention. He represents the perfect man, lover, and husband to me; he’s on a god level kind of man. Shingen is compassionate, knows boundaries and has never restricted MC from doing anything she loved (without good reason), he’s reliable and strong in a way that makes my heart melt. AND  LET’S NOT FORGET HOW FUCKING BRILLIANT THIS MAN IS, HE IS SO FUCKING SMART AND I WISH CYBIRD LET US SEE HIS EXTREME INTELLIGENCE MUCH MORE,,,, He’s just so damn perfect it is near infuriating how good of a man he is. He fits my normal type so well; me saying “Tall, Handsome, Flirtatious, Sexy as Fuck and Infuriating” might of as well have been about Mr Takeda “I’ll marry you and give you everything for one smile” Shingen. I also really like characters that are loyal to their loved ones (yes in contrast to my bastard villain type kink, I also love those who show loyalty and devotion to the people they love) Shingen does more than enough of all of and I really do look up to him as a person and model for character,,,,, oh gods, and the way I imagine he would make sweet baby making love to ---*cough cough* ALRIGHT LETS STOP HERE BEFORE THIS BECOMES A WHOLE ASS SHINGEN APPRECIATION POST!!!

Sirius Oswald (Ikemen Revolution) - I’m really tempted to just insert a daddy kink meme and leave it at that,,,, He is my absolute top otome man, or rather,,, one of my top “I wish you were real and we were married” men. As much as I whore around and claim to love a new man the most (besides Lucien because they’re on the same level now) every week,,, I will always come back to Mr. Flower Daddy. He holds such a precious spot in my heart, I can only try to explain the things that he makes me feel. Like a giddy school girl in love for the first time, but in this story they end up together. High school sweetheart kind of love that lasts till they’re old and wrinkled with time. Gods, thinking about Sirius makes me sob and my wallet sob harder . I must have a thing for men who keep denying their affections for MC (aka me self insert) because of things like responsibility, friendship, being labelled an old geezer,,etc. I have played his route about eight times over (probably) by now, it’s a little upsetting that his route wasn’t as spicy as his side content. Please Cybird, let Mr. Flower Daddy be the sexy and dramatic man he can be. I love the way he cares for others, how hard he works to achieve the bonds and peace he has now for not only everyone he loves, but for the country they all live in as well. His many layers intrigue me, seeing his reactions as well ughhhh I love this man so fucking much, how do people irl deal with love like this? I’m sitting here dreaming over Sirius Oswald,,, and his,,, big hands,,, Never have I held such large and terrifyingly real emotions and lust for an otome character. The man just screams let daddy take care of you baby but also let daddy wreck your pretty whore mouth, little lady or maybe that’s just me projecting my kinks onto this pure (lol) man. Not only is his body, heart, and morals absolutely stunning, HE IS ANOTHER INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT BEING AND I CANNOT STRESSSSS HOW MUCH I FIND SMART PEOPLE INCREDIBLY SEXY AND THE WAY HE USES HIS TALENTS TO SUBTLY AID HIS LOVED ONES UGHHHHHH I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE. GODS PLEASE LET ME BREAK INTO THE SIXTH DIMENSION AND MARRY THIS MAN!!!! 

Kent (Amnesia Memories) - OKAY LET ME JUST SAYYYY HE IS THE BIGGEST BABY AND BIGGEST MAN AT THE SAME TIME AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON THIS IDC BUT HIS OUTFIT IS THE SHIT!!! FUCK YOU BELT HATERS!!! His outfit and his love slaps like the wholesome man he is. Absolutely I would love to h*ld his h@nds and give him the best smooches I can give. Because that is what he deserves. I really loved this game, growing to love Kent was easy despite his big brain fucker throwing math questions at me from time to time. I’m not sure what makes me like Kent so damn much, but I do and that’s what matters skjdfdskjfh. He is so damn precious,,, you all know those  “you so fucking precious when you smile” song video thingies? That is exactly how I feel about Kent. He’s so damn precious I want him to be happy always. And I will fight anyone who bullies him hnnn. 

Myeong Hwi aka Theodore Wilson + Lee Gun Wook aka William Harris (Mystic Code) - Mystic Code used to be one of my favs, till they did the whole updating and redoing the story thing, with no full voiced lines etc (I really hope they bring that back). But two stood out to me the most was Captain Wilson and Lieutenant Harris. Both have very strong personalities and care for the greater good, and thick as fuck lets be real with that dom energy . I adore men with strong and noble (?? is this the right word??) personalities and also possess a compassionate heart. As Theo is with the MIU team members and Will is with MC. 

Theodorus Van Gogh (Ikemen Vampire) - whoallowedthismantobethisfuckingattractiveandlegal??????  *insert his magic mike CG* I have played Theo’s route in JP a few times, once to completion but knowing him in the EN version I am already absolutely in love with this man. How this came to be? Maybe it’s his bittersweet personality, the way he cares for MC in the same way Sirius does, but he’s a bit more brash about it than Sirius. I absolutely adored his character growth in his route and as you get to know him better he opens up more and more, ahh the tsundere is quite the cute trait XD. He is strong willed and passionate, he is caring of his loved ones, he is loyal to his family, blood or found, and he is an absolutely attentive loving person. Why ask for more when you can just love Theodorus Van Gogh? He is the absolute softy packed into a large brooding and brash package with a shiny 8-pack abs that I wish to slather maple syrup on and lap up for the love of----  for someone who loves pancakes so much. And I very much admire his drive to do what he wants and needs to do to the absolute best of his ability. His will to thrive for the best he can get has me swooning. He truly is a breath taking man,,, whether that be because he is being a complete sweetheart all of the sudden or he’s whipping you some nasty insult that is itching for a rebut.

Alright, that’s it! I cheated a little lololll but there aren’t any rules so >;3c I can do as I wish. 

I uhhhhhhh don’t interact with many other otome blogs T^T (but maybe you can change that hwehwe) so I won’t be tagging anyone. However, if you do see this and want to join in and tag your friends pls do!!! Share the love, pass it on, scream about more 2D mans.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #278

“they will seduce you, get through the door; then they bite you in the neck, leave you bleeding on the floor.”

Do you believe in dream symbolism? If so, do you ever look up what certain things in your dreams may mean? Some, yes, others, no. A lot just seem way too random to have stories behind them, but just as well, some dreams are obviously stemmed from our experiences, fears, desires, etc. Who was the last person who exploded on you? What was the reason? I have no idea, but probably Mom. Is there a certain name that keeps popping up in your life, like a name that many people you know have? No. What is something you have a "love/hate relationship" with? What do you hate about it, and what do you love about it? The first thing that comes to mind is technology. I grew up way too dependent on in despite my mom being a good mother that really tried to limit my time of it. It just never worked. Almost everything I do involves a computer. Through the Internet though, I’ve made spectacular friends, discovered great things (coughcoughmark), it helps me through depression and stuff… but I nevertheless hate how attached I am to it. Sometimes I feel like I’m so disconnected from the “real” world, “real” experiences, but then again, I also believe tech is a part of the “real” world. Idk how to really explain it; I have such mixed feelings. Do you like things that are cliché or not? What kinds of things that are regarded as "cliché" do you like? Sure, especially romantic cliches. I’m just such a sucker for that kind of stuff. What was the last quote you read somewhere, and who said it? “Speak your mind even if your voice shakes,” Ruth Ginsburg. We truly lost a hero. Have you heard any song mash-ups (when they put two or more different songs together) that you like? If so, which? Oh, quite a lot, I love those! The first one that comes to mind is “Centuries” by Fall Out Boy and “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had in 2014? Well, this is old. But anyway, I had one. How often do you say ‘lol’ in a computer or text conversation? Quite a bit. Idk, it just changes the tone of what you’re speaking. Whose hoodie did you wear last? My own. Have you ever listened to music you hated just to fit in? Ha ha… not devoutly, but I’d explore “cool” metal bands to try to get into. I didn’t make myself listen to them if I didn’t like ‘em, though. What’s an interesting fact about you that not many people know? Hm. Well, I don’t consider it “interesting,” but very few people (besides the Internet lmao) know that I essentially stole my then-best friend’s boyfriend by mutual flirting to the point he broke up with her and wanted me instead. I cut that shit the fuck out once he told me he loved me. It’s one of the things I’m most ashamed of. What do you want to do after high school? I’m long past high school, and let’s just say things are NOT going as planned lmao. At all. I had such, such a different vision. Do you do anything embarrassing when no one is home? No. If you had the chance to move to a completely different state/country, would you? I deadass want to move to Canada but am unwilling to move so far from my family. How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? I don’t know age; it’s funny, I tend to remember things by school grades versus my age. Even in this situation, though, I’m not positive. Towards the end of elementary school, maybe? Do you have any saved texts? Yes, from Sara and Ashley. Do you ever play online games with your friends? Which one(s)? Once upon a time, my friend/”big brother” Sam and I would play WoW together every day and just chill out over Skype. He helped keep me company during my worst depression. We haven’t played together in quite a long time, though. I should message him. Which emoji did you use most recently? The upside-down smiley face on Facebook. Who was the last person to cry in your presence? Mom, probably. Or one of my nieces or nephew. Do any of your friends have small children? Yes. One of my closest friends had her son not even two weeks ago. Do you ever wear accessories in your hair? Which ones? No. What kind of fruit do you like? A good chunk of it. Strawberries, apples, grapes, pineapple, bananas, peaches… Is there anything you've always wanted to do that you've never told anyone? *shrugs* Maybe. Do you flush the toilet with your hand or your foot? ”I use my hand at home and in other people’s bathrooms, but I use my foot in public washrooms.” <<<< Same. What is your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? (Ex: ENTP): INFP. Do you read any blogs? If so, which ones? No. Would you rather have curvy legs or skinny legs? I’d prefer to have an in-between. What is your favorite game show? Family Feud with Steve Harvey. How many times a day do you use the restroom? Hm. Depends on how much I drink. What was the last thing that made you cringe? Idr. What is your favorite ‘80s movie? I’m not sure, given how I don’t tend to recognize movies by decades. Do you have your own car? No. I don’t drive. Who was the last person who drew you a picture? I commissioned someone on deviantART to draw My Child Jaw and it is so FUCKING beautiful. Would you rather hold a scorpion or a snake? I love snakes, so guess. How do you usually get your exercise? I don’t, but that’s going to change when we FINALLY fuckin move. I’m going to walk as much as I possibly can because we have a sidewalk. Who are your godparents? Idk if I even have any. Are any of your siblings married? Three are and one is engaged. What does your phone case look like, if you have one? It came with a plain purple one. What is something you can draw really well? I think I’m pretty good at meerkats. Best field trip experience? The zoo in the 5th grade. One and only time I’ve seen meerkats irl. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Idr. It’s very rare I can pay for anything because I don’t have an income, but with gifted money and stuff, it was probably when I paid for my mom and I to eat at Olive Garden. I don’t recall how much it was, but OG isn’t cheap, so. Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Idk. I had good teachers. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? I don’t know. Nothing exciting. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really, no. There are cases where I do, like if I take too big a bite or something, but generally I don’t. Everyone has to eat. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? I recall one in particular during my era of being terrified of them when we were on the way home from a friend’s house and there was INSANE lightning. I was crying so much in the back seat. I think I have experienced worse ones, that’s just the one I remember because of how much it terrified me. How quickly can you write an essay? Pretty damn quickly once I get into the groove of it. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No. What bug frightens you most? Oh yikes, idk. A lot of bugs scare me, honestly, particularly if they surprise me. Probably rhinoceros beetles. Are your parents supportive of you? Very. Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No. Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? lol oops Have you ever had sex on your bedroom floor? How about your living room floor? YIKES this survey getting frisky but anyway idk. When you kiss someone, do you like to play with their hair? Yeah. Do you regret sleeping with anyone? No. Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? No…? Your hair is just gonna get messy while sleeping. Have you ever asked anyone out? Do you prefer to do the asking out, or wait to see if the other person will ask? Yes. I don’t really have a preference. Have your parents ever disapproved of anyone you had a relationship with? Not to my knowledge. When’s the last time you ran? HUNNY Brittany doesn’t RUN. Have you ever stayed online for a long time waiting for someone? Oh yes, I did that A LOT with Mini back when we were younger and RPed together like every day. Who or what sleeps with you? Roman, my cat. Would you wear a boy/girlfriend’s clothes? I somehow wound up with quite a few of Jason’s pj pants?????? But anyway yeah sure, I would. If it fit, anyway. Do you return your cart? I am a lazy person. But not that lazy. Do it. What noise do you hear? I’m currently listening to NateWantsToBattle’s cover of “Feel Good Inc.” Would you survive in prison? No. No. I know I’d try to commit suicide. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? The IT remake with Girt. Have you ever cheated on someone? No sir. Do you kiss on the first date? I never have, but not saying I wouldn’t. BUT I most likely would not just because I reserve kisses for someone I really, really like. Usually by the first date I wouldn’t know that yet. Are you into sports? Nope. Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? HAHA I don’t think so. Who knows a secret about you that no one else does? My ex-therapist. What is your longest relationship to date? 3 ½ years. Who ended the last relationship you were in? It was brought up by her, but it came to be a mutual decision. Have you ever gotten back with an ex? No. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you? For less than a day. Have you ever been used? I don’t think so. Do you like when I guy takes you by surprise and kisses you? This is making quite a few assumptions, but anyway, if we’re in a stable relationship, generally yes. It’s cute. Would you be more likely to date a redneck or a goth? My dream partner would be a goth, hnnnnnnnnGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Has anyone ever sung to you? Yes. Do you like massages? EW don’t touch me like that unless you’re my s/o. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. When was the last time you spent the night at someone else's house? The last time I was at Sara’s. What scares you more, spiders or snakes? Spiders. Does it matter if a guy has a sense of humor? If he’s a romantic interest, yeah. Would you ever get implants? No. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling's friend? No. Have you ever dated someone with a child? No. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t. Have you ever dated someone of another race? For less than a day. Have you kissed anyone today? No. What was the last topic you read about? I beliiieeeve… Metallica’s new album. Have you ever participated in a fundraising campaign? I think? Again, I don’t have an income though so I’m unsure. Do you know how to knit? No. What’s your go-to order from KFC? I don’t go there. What was the last album you listened to in full? Oh man, there’s no telling. I generally don’t do that. Do you use pepper to season your food? Sure, that’s a common enhancement. Do you know anyone who has an unusual pet? Probably somebody. Have you ever known anyone who was homeless? My mother, Nicole, and I technically were at one point, we just had spectacular people let us live with them until we got a new place. Did you have a treehouse when you were younger? No. One does not simply build a treehouse in pine trees. Have you ever played Magic: The Gathering? Guys. Guys. For many many months now I’ve been dying to and idk why. That game was one of Jason’s favorite things in the world and so he taught me it how to play, though I never fully got it because there are a LOT of rules. When I had my PS3, I had one of the Duels of the Planeswalkers games, and I miss that shit. What are your thoughts on role playing games? Fun fun. What is a band you can't stop listening to right now? I’ve been seriously into 3TEETH lately, as well as Solence. Have you ever had a panic attack? LOTS!!!!!!!! Have you ever entered a talent competition? Naw, I don’t have an exceptional talent. Are you indecisive? Ridiculously so. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? It’s actually one of my brightest smiles I’ve ever taken a selfie with. I look way happier than I am lmaooo. Describe your hometown. What's it like there? Small, notoriously dangerous. Do you have any expensive hobbies? You could say photography given the various lenses and other materials available, plus editing software subscriptions. What is the oldest online account that you still use? My email, probably. What was the last video game you beat? I wanna say it was the last time I replayed Silent Hill 2. Long time ago. What's your favorite Studio Ghibli film? I actually haven’t seen any. Have you ever been really passionate about something but then lost interest? If so, what was it? Yeah, sure, like various entertainers/bands/musicians, TV shows…

[ificanthaveu]

ROMANCE REVIEW

ok so here’s me hyping up Camila for longer than anyone asked for but this album...is just so good and when she said visual I’m like yeah ok but... I SAW so many things and so many lyrics/songs reminded me of things that have happened to me and I’m like, you know what? time to overshare

TRACK 1 SHAMELESS: ok so obviously I’ve listened to this before like a million times, but when I first heard it, I was very much like... I don’t like it. and then I listened to it again and I’m like haha nevermind I was wrong (i do this all the time don’t @ me I know I suck) the way she says “shameless” with that rasp? screaming her lungs out? yeah, bitch, I feel that. I hear that. and just the whole vibe of YEAH I feel this way and WHAT ABOUT IT.

favorite lyrics: “Now that you have me, do you want me still?” “I’m tired of loving somebody that’s not mine”

TRACK 2 LIVING PROOF: Every performance of this...makes me love it more and more. The choir singing hallelujah...gave me the VISUALS bc ya girl grew up Catholic, and I couldn’t help but imagine that Easter day where everyone is praising and saying hallelujah and it’s just such a pure JOY. and with the God references and “being sent to save me” just getting major church vibes. AND her high notes in the chorus...we stan a queen with TALENT. I love how she references hands a few times because I just love when you can communicate something just through touch. I think that is truly the deepest form of knowing someone. 

favorite lyrics: “Tell me something, but say it with your hands, slow” “Show your demons, and I might show you mine, one at a time”

TRACK 3 SHOULD’VE SAID IT: ok now I’m just going to sit here with my jaw dropped open because SIS said what we’ve been saying for SO LONG. The theme of “change” is so strong in this, and I just love how she portrays it. And her talking about the songs not sounding the same...she’s literally like yeah I get you wrote songs about me, but have you heard of imessage? a phone? But this is the kind of song that I want to scream at the top of my lungs and dance to in my living room, but, alas, I cannot relate. I can’t get one person to love me, how tf would I get 2? And the way she says “so sorry” like she...is not sorry. and I LOVE IT and it just really drives the point across, like, I’ve moved on, you didn’t say anything. 

favorite lyrics: “baby, he fell from grace, landed right in your place” “I wish you could turn back time, and hold me closer, instead of your pride” (OUCH BABY YES SING IT)

TRACK 4 MY OH MY: catch me shakin my ass to this till I die. I just love the FEEL of this. and her YELLING “I swear on my life that I’ve been a good girl” and the “Tonight I don’t wanna be her” like yes bitch let her be BAD for a night baby you GO GIRL. Listen, I will never get sick of the falling for a bad boy narrative. Sign me the fuck up, every damn time. Like, yeah? I’ve been good, time to be bad bitch. and her LAUGHS during the rap. I love her wow. The chorus is just so CATCHY. It’s just sooo bad boy narrative, my parents don’t like him, not being a good girl for the night, and again, always a hoe for that. ALWAYS.

favorite lyrics: “I said, if he kissed me, I might let it happen” “She know I’m a call away, she can drop a pin and I’d come meet her” 

TRACK 5 SENORITA: I’ve talked about this 5 million times, but I’m a proud mom so here we go again! The fact that they collabed again, was enough to fuel me for years, bc my prime was during IKWYDLS. What a good era. This song makes me feel DAMN SEXY. I want every song to make me feel this way. every time they say “oh la la” just send me to my grave. and shawn’s “call” during the chorus...speechless still. I love a good friends to lovers (in song and IRL we love that for them). I just love the aspect of yeah it’s hard to leave you but every time we touch just reminds me that this is all worth it. AGAIN with the TOUCH being just the most intimate way of knowing someone. 

favorite lyrics: “her body fit right in my hands” “you say we’re just friends, but friends don’t know the taste” “cause you know it’s been a long time coming, don’t you let me fall” 

TRACK 6 LIAR: this bb was my fave when it came out with shameless. I LOVE the whole theme of I said one thing but now you’re changing my mind and making me seem like a liar. I also love the trumpets. I love a good trumpet in a song if it’s used well. AND with the whole, yeah I’m a liar, and what about it? I like clapping along to the bridge in the car. and then fuckin dancing to the chorus. peep me screaming this in my car all the gah damn time. also, the lying to yourself? the worst kind. and this song just being the RECOGNIZATION of yeah... I am lying to myself. you KNOW? like that “oh fuck” feeling, like you’ve been denying it and denying it and denying it and finally you’re just like...oh shit. and then you just fuckin GO FOR IT because you realize it now and now we’re making up for lost time. and then the final “cause my clothes are on the floor” jaw DROP first time hearing that like yes baby. and I usually skip instrumentals at the end of songs bc I usually think they’re stupid and pointless ope but THIS is the only one I don’t skip because it’s too damn catchy

favorite lyrics: “I don't care, it's been too long, It's kinda like we didn't happen” “but what if you kiss me, and what if I like it?” 

TRACK 7 BAD KIND OF BUTTERFLIES: my heart hurts, honestly. like in that first chorus where she’s like you’re going to hate me after you find this out. just BREAKS me. it’s just very stuck between a rock and a hard place. she wasn’t going to win this fight. it was going to hurt no matter what she decided. she was going to hurt someone she cared about no matter what she chose. the way she says “tonight” with that note run yes baby yes. and like living proof, I love the high note chorus. and the way she says “the bad kind of butterflies like when you have something to hide” like I FELT that shit. those kinds of butterflies are the freaking WORST when you just know you have to tell someone about something because it’s just eating you alive. her voice just perfectly portrays the feeling this song encapsulates. 

favorite lyrics: “don’t look at me while I’m breaking” “I understand if you hate me” “I know I said we were friends and when I said that, I meant it, somewhere between now and then it became more than just a friendship”

TRACK 8 EASY: out of her songs that came out before the album was released, this was my favorite. just...i get so speechless and I have no words, it’s just so beautiful. like having someone who loves you, who sees your flaws, and doesn’t freaking care. like that first verse is like “yeah we both know I got flaws but you love me anyway.” and the whole thing of really, really knowing someone and really, really loving them is just so damn heartwarming. and feeling hard to love? yeah, Camila, I GET THAT. someone find me a man who feels this way about me. and just having someone...who loves you...until you can love yourself... I want one. and again with the TOUCHING, I see a theme here baby and I’ll talk more on that later. that bridge just freaking hits me and when she sang this on SNL I could just SEE how much this song meant to her and she looked so content singing it. 

favorite lyrics: “You tell me that you'd rather fight than spend a single peaceful night with somebody else” “tell me with your hands that you’re never leaving” “All I know is you saved me and you know it” 

TRACK 9 FEEL IT TWICE: this...hurt me. because this is my worst fear. like having someone fall for you, and you don’t feel it, and then suddenly to be in love with them and for them to be like I’m sorry but I don’t feel that way anymore. and I just love that this one is a lot less of “you fucked up” like should’ve said it and more like “I hate that things had to happen this way and I don’t want to hurt you but I can’t do anything else.” it’s heart-wrenching. and just WISHING that this wasn’t the case, but it’s just how it is. because that’s how love works. you can’t force it if it isn’t there anymore or was never there at all. and keeping the distance because there��s nothing else you can do and it’s the only option because there’s just this tension no matter what you do. because it’s there no matter what. and the PARALLEL of “how can I be your friend when I know the way you taste” and “but friends don’t know the way you taste” in senorita makes me think that she was writing this song while she was writing senorita and that’s why she added it in later. but pertaining to my life... I don’t relate because I feel everything like 8 million times and I catch feelings for anyone who looks at me and I go back and forth on crushes all the time (there are like 5 coming to my head rn wow I am the worst).

favorite lyrics: “Oh, I'm scared if I look in your eyes, I might see your soul, I know love is the loneliest place when you fall alone” “Sitting by the phone, holding onto hope” “I can feel you still staring at me when I look away” “I don't know what's worse, getting broken or making it break” (it’s hard to pick favorites for this one WHOOPS) 

TRACK 10 DREAM OF YOU: I like the music in this one a LOT. I feel this shit in my SOUL. and “he’s a right answer” reminded me of the most recent episode of The Good Place (iykyk). also, I don’t know WHY but I love the line with “a confessed sinner” bc, again, ya girl grew up Catholic. he got that post confession GLOW. that “I just got everything off my chest, and I feel GREAT.” and this one, with all she’s doing all day, is dreaming of him, yeah I am a hardcore daydreamer. so that’s me hello. and the transition of “I dream of you” to “I dream with you”...take my heart and throw it at a wall. the DESPERATION in “please say you dream of me too” like PLEASE tell me this is mutual because you literally take up all my time so please tell me you feel the same way. 

favorite lyrics: “And you squeeze my hands two times, three times” “I was not living, I was just writing about it” (this is me a lot and I feel attacked)

TRACK 11 CRY FOR ME: this high key reminds me of “Dead” by Madison Beer. but anyways. it’s so SASSY and I LOVE IT. I just love the feeling of someone moving on first, and then the other person moving on, and then the first person being like oh shit what you moved on what. like just wanting someone to HURT because what the FUCK? like why do you gotta do this bro? and just the yeah I know I shouldn't feel this way but fuck it. and I love that just lie to me. like you know what, tell me you miss me, so I can feel good about this. and the screaming in “HOW CAN YOU BE OK” like BITCH I’m HURTING so CRY PLEASE

favorite lyrics: “You said that, in this lifetime, you could never get over me? Are you over me?” “see her lips erasing me” 

TRACK 12 THIS LOVE: this is one of my favorites. I love how it’s soft? but also, not soft at all. like FUCK this love. the building walls just to watch them fall? like yes, sis I just wrote a poem about this a few months ago bc it is me. like that person, you built walls up before and they just keep knocking them down. and then you regret it, every time and build them up again (s/o to my shit middle school friend yike) and just the feeling of getting pulled in this cycle over and over again. you can just HEAR the desperation in her voice in parts of this and I love when you can hear that. I also like the use of “maybe” like this love is fucking hell but maybe don’t let me go just yet but on the other hand, maybe you should. AND ending with the “here I go again” just yeah stab me in the heart. 

favorite lyrics: “Waiting for you just in case one day it doesn’t hurt” “get out of my veins” “If you need your space, then just walk away”

TRACK 13 USED TO THIS: pull out your tissues ladies. I was most excited about this one, and she PULLED THROUGH and lived up to my expectations. I’m always a sucker for the whole vibe of “I hated this place but now I have this special memory there and now I love it.” the transformation from hate to love in so many ways. to find a person who does that, it just doesn’t happen a lot. now time to unnecessarily connect it to my life but not really because ladies and gents, I fell for my best friend. he was the most amazing guy ever. and he was my best friend and suddenly it was like...oh fuck. and the line about whispering his name differently and can’t you hear it? just reminded me of him right away. because of that FEELING of seeing them and knowing you have these feelings and being like...can you hear the change in my voice? (he didn’t btw. that was sad. this song will be “what could've been” for me. lol. bye). and the “feeling” with that touching again HELLO. and the drink clinks in the background love that. friends to lovers? yeah, sign me the fuck up. and I love the use of “definitely” like that hesitation of yeah it’s going to take me a sec but I’m DEFINITELY getting used to this. 

favorite lyrics: “No, I never liked San Francisco, never thought it was nothing special till you kissed me there” “It's the strangest feeling, midnight, I'm not leaving, no, for once, I think I'll stay" “I say your name, just listen, doesn't it sound different? Never whispered it this way” “And the calluses on your fingers, I admire them from a distance, now they're on my cheek” “oh, I've known you forever, now I know you better” “let’s get carried away” (i should’ve just copied and pasted the whole song I’m in love)

TRACK 14 FIRST MAN: ok. I know I said grab your tissues. but here’s where you really need them. when I say I sobbed, I freaking MEAN IT. like I was getting ready for school this morning at 6 am while listening to the album and it was only me and my dad awake and this just hit me so hard. I’m super close with my dad, so I really really feel this. Once the song was done, I went and found him and I was still crying and he’s like WHATS WRONG and I gave him a hug and I tried to explain what it was about and he’s like yeah no won’t listen to it. going to cry. then I texted him later and he listened and you bet my father cried as hard as I did. he literally said he was in the bathroom trying to compose himself (spoiler, my scary dad is soft af but don’t tell anyone and expose him. literally the other night i said i probably cry every day and he said yeah me too). it’s so soft, and just, yes this is happening, but that doesn’t mean I’m cutting you out of my life. like this man is everything you ever wanted for me, and I know this is damn hard, but it’s going to be worth it. and the transition of spending all the time with family to spending time with this man you want a future with. and like y’all know that breaks a parent’s heart but at the same time, it’s all they want for you. and the progression of just being with that guy and then to the wedding day. and the part where he says she’ll always be his little girl. ugh, this whole song is my dad and I love it and hate it because the amount of tears I’ve cried today is unhealthy. and in general, I just love how soft this is and you can just hear the love in her voice. I’m crying again hi. s/o to the good dads out there, and if you don’t have one, you can share mine. I genuinely cannot listen to this song without crying, yet I’ve listened to it like 6 times today. this song means so much to me and I honestly want it to be my father-daughter dance at my wedding,

favorite lyrics: “And I found someone I really like, maybe for the first time” “You held me so tight, now someone else can, but you were the first man that really loved me” “Now you're driving to the airport, not just me you pick up anymore” “You're looking at me while walking down the aisle, with tears in your eyes, maybe he deserves me, You don't even know how much it means to me now”

FINAL THOUGHTS 1) I AM SO HAPPY WITH THE WHOLE ALBUM. I love all of these songs so much, and they’re all so VISUAL just like she said they were going to be. I love when you can see a song. That is just so damn powerful.

2) THE THEME OF TOUCHING. guys, I am O B S E S S E D with this. like I said before, I think it is such a RARE form of intimacy and love for someone when you can communicate something with a touch. Like that hand on the shoulder or on your back or knee or whatever. but just KNOWING what they’re saying. I love how she addressed it multiple times and you see it weaved into so many songs of that touch communication.

3) I saw this on twitter, and I think it was part of an official review or something. But the journey of “hey I’m falling in love and here are the trials and tribulations of it” and then ending with “I can feel this way because you taught me” is just...so amazing and powerful. 

COME TELL ME YOUR OPINIONS, THOUGHTS, THEORIES LETS CHAT ABOUT IT I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS

[comicteaparty]

March 9th-March 15th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from March 9th, 2020 to March 15th, 2020.  The chat focused on HoverGirls by Geneva Bowers.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on HoverGirls by Geneva Bowers~! (https://hovergirls.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until March 15th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

It's so eye catching!

The bold color scheme immediately creates a strong identity for the comic

The contrast between the two MCs is

I'll comment more when I've read past literally just the first page lol

eli [a winged tale]

Wow I love the art! Very beautiful palette and interesting characters right off the bat (pun intended!). Great dynamics between our two mains and love the magic so far!

mcapriglione (Falconhyrste)

yall I heard you were talking about hover girls and I came running

I just caught up like yesterday because I'm sick so I've spent the whole day reading comics, also I picked up a physical copy from geneva at c2e2 and that's what got me started on the series!

What stands out to me so much is the characters, jalissa and kim are total opposites, and it's really interesting to see them interact with each other. also the little things in the background that tell more about the characters, like jalissa's love for soap operas and kim's references ahaha

RebelVampire

So time for me to jump into the chat. What I like about the beginning is that it starts you off with this sort of beautiful artwork and magical feel, only to drop the mundane on you with the coffee shop and the obsession with ranking on social media. Something about how this starts really gives me this sort of more modern day magical girl feel that usually isn't quite there. Like it's a bit gritty feeling cause life is gritty, and I like that. As for favorite moment in the comic so far, I'm partial to when the girls discovered their powers. I like how it just sort of happened, and the different reactions they had to it. It was both magical and funny. Also for the reasons below. My favorite character is Jalissa, no content. Jalissa is basically my spirit animal. Doesn't want fame, just wants to catch up on the soaps, but somehow winds up with more energetic people. All of Jalissa's reactions to everything are great and I love it. For characters interacting, really it has to go to Jalissa and Kim. They're such polar opposites I think you'd have to try to NOT enjoy it. But either way, that opposites thing really just makes their interactions endearing and interesting since going in you know they'll disagree and yet somehow wind up doing the same thing together anyway. So I really enjoy that about their relationship.

As for the art, I really just love the color design combined with the style. It has a very whimsical feel that works for the abundant blue schemes and I really just adore every bit of the atmosphere it creates. For themes, I like that the comic explores ego. Like that moment where Kim asked if she was getting too full of herself really hit home. And I like that the comic kind of explores that even if you know that you might get egotistical and all high and mighty, its not the easiest thing in the world to stop either. For the story's overall content, I'm just gonna point to what I liked about the beginning. I like that its a bit more mature, modernized magical girl story where the magical girls are adults. That's probably just bias in that I'm an adult so I relate more to adults.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. What do you think Jalissa’s backstory and relationship with her family is? How do you think Jalissa will continue to change as the story progresses, and what will Kim’s role be in it? Further, how will Kim change?

10. Why do you think Kim was suddenly possessed, and how dangerous are they? Can Kim be saved from it? Additionally, why was the person who possessed Kim surprised Jalissa also had powers?

11. Do you think Jalissa and Kim will succeed as magical girls and become popular? Why or why not? Additionally, how might this change the future plans each has decided upon for their career?

12. What do you think this comic teaches us about pursuing our dreams and responsibility? What has been your favorite moment in the comic so far that deals with these themes? Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

gee

Hello CTP! This is the creator of HoverGirls c: I want to thank you all for taking the time to read and discuss this comic! I bet you're all pros at what makes a good story, so it's really humbling to know that it's liked so far. I'll be happy to answer any q's about story, chars, etc. And it was super nice to finally meet you @mcapriglione (Falconhyrste) and hope you feel better!

mcapriglione (Falconhyrste)

Aaaaa hey welcome to the chat @gee !

Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight)

Ok I just finished reading the entire comic start to finish. I have to say I'm not only impressed by the wonderful art and refreshing color scheme that makes me think of wild summer, but amazed that I find myself invested in this story! Usually it's not my cup of tea at all, but Hover Girls are going to clearly be the exception. I'm adding this to my comic bookmarks The first thing I have to give my kudos for is the sheer character design and characterization. I had sincere, and in Kim's case, almost visceral reactions to both girls, and the Korean guy (his name sounds Korean). While Jalissa intrigued me from the start, Kim got under my skin to the point I found her insufferable! It is only in the last few pages with her backstory flashback that I somewhat feel sympathy for her. I love the interaction between these two, and also how the story is paced so that we get to gradually become aware of more layers and nuance in the relationship they have. Jalissa's love and concern for Kim was clear to me from the start, while Kim's not so much. She (Kim) came across to me as immature, self-centered and inconsiderate. Later, when we see more of their history, I got to see the concern and love from Kim's side too. That's excellent writing to go with the excellent art. I also really like the premise with the alien creatures! I am intrigued and want to know more. Finally, I want to talk about the humour in the dialogue and the art in general. I love how there's a streak of black humour throughout the comic. My favourite character is (in case you didn't infer it yet) Jalissa, but I like the entire cast. They need each other to organically bounce off each other and develop. And lastly, I have to mention the really fun brand names and soap titles. Always makes me grin. Wonderful work @gee !(edited)

RebelVampire

I get the impression that Jalissa was a typical delinquent and that her parents werent around much - hence the delinquency. And so I imagine it's a bit strained at the best of it. I think Jalissa moving is her attempt to turn things around, and I think that is what will happen. Jalissa will become more responsible, take more of a sense of duty, etc. Which is what I think will happen with Kim, along with a healthy dose of gaining some humility. As for why Kim was suddenly possessed, maybe the weather? Regardless, 100% I'm sure Kim can be saved. Only bad villains monologue so Kim got taken over by a bad villain. As for why Jalissa's powers are a surprise, probably a lack of communication due to alien bureaucracy. Jalissa and Kim will definitely succeed as magical girls if you tone down expectations to be heroes who fight crime as opposed to what we see in every anime where they fight and just are completely fine and sparkly. As for becoming popular, maybe for a bit, but honestly, probably not. The internet is fickle so sure they might get a viral video....but then everyone will move on. I think it will mostly only change Jalissa's plans as she's finds there are more important things in the world than soaps. As for what the comic teaches about pursuing our dreams is that it's hard. My favorite moment is actually Kim checking if anyone liked the pic and it was just Jalissa. The world is saturated with talent, and even if you have the drive, the skills, etc., getting noticed is kind of a slog. But I think Kim shows us at least might as well keep trying.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I had the opposite reaction as @Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight) ! Jalissa irritated me at first, while I liked Kim. But then, when I saw Jalissa's genuine kindness, I liked her more, and when Kim started showing her flaws- how she's kind of self-centered and naive, I started to like her less. That's not to say I think this comic has bad writing, though! I like how the author has given everyone such realistic flaws. I went through a lot of cycles of liking and disliking the characters, and I think that reflects how it feels as you get to know some people irl. These characters are complex!

Seeing stoic Jalissa get truly angry at Kim was powerful.

I like the detail of Jalissa keeping her bat in her backpack's water bottle holder

"Only bad villains monologue so Kim got taken over by a bad villain. "

Rebel, that made me laugh

I think it's true too(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

+ü´´´´´´b n#ä+ß

Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) it's exactly that we get different and real reactions to these characters that is the proof of excellent writing. We react differently, but we react as if they were real people and that's an absolute win!

mathtans

Woo, my schedule's eased a bit and this looked interesting. For the discussion prompts...

1. The beginning set things up well in terms of a quickie fight and then the characters and city situation. There was humour in that too. Good tone.

2. Fave moment, as far as plot was probably Jalissa interacting with blonde boy (sorry, forget the name) in particular because it seemed to be foreshadowing. Fave moment for relatability was the phone message with "Get to the point" because I SO relate to that.

3. Tough call on character. Both mains have good qualities and I don't feel I know the others well enough yet. I suppose Jalissa for her straightforward nature and sticking to her guns (like about dresses).

4. I liked Jalissa and Blonde Boy interacting, funny enough, as I said earlier. The cousin banter is good but the former stood out somehow.

5. The art's a neat blend of emphasis in some places and less in others; also interesting how the hair is done. Not sure why that sticks out.

6. I'm very bad at noticing themes. It's neat showing what "magical girls" do in their off hours. Also the troubles with getting noticed.

7. Story's clever, and I felt suspicious of Blonde Boy from him being around during the powers acquisition, which seems to be paying off. Nice to see ladies of colour too.

mathtans

8. Comic's got a bit of everything. Magic, mystery, slice-of-life... a reader can probably gravitate to something.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic? Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

mathtans

9. Jalissa seems to be someone who grew up in a difficult situation and needs to blow off steam sometimes. I'm reminded of the time she punched the wall - but then within a day went to get the materials needed to fix it. I feel like she had an unhappy home life with no real outlet or people to talk to about it. Maybe the fighting evil will help, or at least give her a sense of accomplishment. Kim needs to be a bit more grounded in reality, and I suspect will, although at the same time you kind of hate to see it happen, like the death of innocence or something.

10. I wondered if possession was always part of the plan against Kim (once it happened), and that's why the water beings were around, like they're trying to get access to the powers... though it's seeming like it was always something inside her, she was simply able to suppress the feeling for a time. Until she was at a low point emotionally.

Actually, I always thought BlondeBoy had something to do with the attacks, and in the scene between him and Jalissa (the earlier one in the alley) you saw hint of blue in the art, and one wonders whether he was acting normally. I wasn't sure if it was a subconscious thing or a conscious thing. Now I wonder if Kim wasn't manifesting the items herself on some subconscious level, wanting something to defeat. Though maybe he still had a hand in it too.

Of course, maybe the weather has something to do with it too, as Rebel remarked on.

mathtans

11. I feel like their power as magical girls is possibly tied to the presence (or at least strength) of the enemy, otherwise why wouldn't it make the news more? (Granted, could be obliviousness by the populace, but this seems to be reinforced by the current plot elements.) As such, their magical days seem numbered... unless they could fight against regular mundane foes? I dunno. The world doesn't seem to care much about supernatural either.

mathtans

Maybe they should change their name? Hovering doesn't sound too aggressive, and I don't think they do it that much anyway. Granted, DampGirls isn't catchy, and H2OGirls is a bit clinical. ^.^

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I love this comic! The two main characters play incredibly off each other, and there's lots of great comedic moments. My fav is Jalissa.

I wonder if it is the weather that's causing these possessions? Because, like, the flying fish attacks in general are tied to the rain. Maybe particularly rough rainstorms cause possessions? I feel like the thing that possessed Kim and the boy was what brought about the powers in the first place - the energy that came down from the sky on the beach. It's odd how the blonde dude didn't seem to use powers but got possessed first, while Kim uses her powers the most and got possessed second... maybe Jalissa has an easier time resisting because she has the strongest will?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights) I don't think Jalissa can get possessed- Bob said that his soul was split in two, and Jalissa got the powers while Korean guy got the mind

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

ah yes, that's true

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@mathtans I like "Hovergirls"! It's cute and catchy

gee

The title I still don't 100% like, TBH. I legitimately thought on it for a week before starting on this comic and still couldn't think of anything better XD

RebelVampire

What I'm most looking forward to in the comic is probably just more Jalissa in general and finding out why Jalissa is the way Jalissa is. Overall though, this is a beautiful comic with a great combination between modernization and magical girls with just the right hint of maturity that makes it more appealing for an adult. Definitely would recommend to adult fans of magical girl stories!

mathtans

To be clear, I had no issue with the title of the comic... with some comics there's only an offhand reference too. I guess I was more picturing the ladies arguing, were Jalissa to get more into it.

As to the rest of the questions, I think the comic can show that reality is somewhere between the two of them (though they do play off each other very well) as far as dreams and responsibility go. I'm vaguely curious to know whether the alien might be having a positive (or negative?) influence on BlondeBoy, who seemed a bit of a jerk from the lens of the others.

The world building is well done too, like I could even see spinoffs... these aliens apparently just sent a couple emissaries to Earth, maybe there's some sort of space force out there fighting too. Maybe they see Kim's videos and want to recruit her. Or hire her for public relations. idk.

Anyway, looks great, definitely an interesting read and nice showcasing of things you don't see other places, best with it!

gee

Huge thank you all CTP group for giving HoverGirls a read! I cannot thank you enough for giving your time and thoughts on this story and it’s been incredibly helpful and encouraging!!

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

It was a great read, gee!

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about HoverGirls this week! Please also give a special thank you to Geneva Bowers for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked HoverGirls, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://hovergirls.com/

Geneva’s Store: https://gdbee.store/

Geneva’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/gdbeeart