#imagine going to hang out with your bf and the guy that destroyed your people is just floating beside him. horrible im laughing tho

[lotuseatingstone]

moodboard for when you make quite the poor moral decision choosing your wol's boyfriends.

haha no its fine. i can be normal about this.

[erectionsandtea]

Poly party summer fun headcanons, part 2 ! 😀 (this got way too long so I’m posting it as it is, and if I get more ideas, or if you guys want to send me anything 😉, I’ll either reblog this post or make a new one.) Enjoy!

(part 1 can be found here)

Amusement park: (these are based on amusement parks I have been to since they're all I know, lol)

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

- they go early so they can do everything (twice) but they also stay until it gets dark bc El wants to see all the lights

- one of her favorite rides is the big ship that swings back and forth because it feels like flying

- Max, Lucas, and Dustin take El on her first roller coaster ride, and it's super scary but she also loves it (Robin and Nancy go, too)

Lucas and Dustin scream like little girls on the roller coaster and become the butt of many jokes about it (most of them from Max)

Max and Lucas would totally try to kiss for the roller coaster camera (idk why okay, stop me) but the photo would look absolutely ridiculous and Max’s hair is fuckin EvERYWHERE

El uses some of her money to buy a copy of the photo (she buys a copy of their photo from every ride, it's a lot of money, but the others help her out with it), and when she gets home, Will helps her make a collage of all the photos that she puts up in her room

- El also wants caricatures, but they don't have enough money for everyone (so she just gets one of herself). Will watches the artist, who gives him tips on how to do it so he can draw some for El later (and he totes does bc good brother vibes)

- they do the ferris wheel last bc it is super romantic (even more so at night), and everyone wants to go with everyone else. Max wants to go up every time someone else does bc she wants to try to spy on them, lol

Groups, in order from side to other side (sitting, not riding order):

for her very first time: Max/El/Mike (her two bffs, aka her bf and gf)

Mike/Will

Max/Lucas

Dustin/Suzie

El/Max/Lucas

El/Mike/Will

El/Mike

El/Max

the guy running the ferris wheel is just like “you kids again???” bc they keep just getting off the ride and going straight to the back of the line to go up again, but eventually they have to stop bc the park is literally about to close and they’ll be kicked out

- there's also a haunted house ride and El absolutely has to ride with Mike bc when she is scared or feels like she's in danger, he's always been the best at making her feel okay again. She clings to him throughout the ride, but ends up laughing at how cheesy not-scary most of the effects are.

- as exhilarating as the drop rides are, El doesn’t like going on them too much but she can do it like, once. maybe twice.

- Lucas and Max, and Dustin and Will, like that ride that’s like the ferris wheel except you’re in a cage and you can manipulate the cage (by spinning it and stuff) to take you upside down. Dustin and Max do it too much, like to an extreme, and Will and Lucas are like “stop, the world is literally spinning” and they’re very disoriented when they get off

- there’s a rapids ride, and since the rafts are big enough to hold 8 people, the whole party is able to go together in one, and then the teens can go together in another one. they totally get sprayed by bystanders. 

- there's a shooting game (like where you go through a tunnel on a track, and targets pop up and you shoot them)

Lucas is the best and El rides with him bc the best should introduce the newbie, and she has so much fun, it's nothing like the guns she's experienced in her previous (lab) life.

Max and Dustin fight really hard to be second best.

Mike and Will go together and compared to the others, they suck, but that's okay they have fun anyway, and they joke about their own terribleness.

- Dustin buys those deep-fried snacks (you know the ones I mean) and he is literally the only person in the group that likes them (okay, not true, Robin can handle them, too)

El, against the advice of the others, wants to try those snacks bc she’s never heard of anything like that before, and the first time she takes a bite, her face goes through a range of like 10 emotions bc she’s being assaulted by flavors-

but after she manages to swallow it, she’s like “wow, that was amazing” and the others are like “...you serious??”

Mike is just like “that is disgusting and I’m not kissing you after that lol” and El is just like “but...why?” (he totes does tho, he doesn’t give a f, he’s kissing his gf bc he just can’t resist the cuteness)

Nancy, even though she doesn’t necessarily like it, can totally handle taking a bite and finishing it (like that beer from season 1) and Robin is like “that’s impressive, band geek” and Nancy’s just like “I’m not in band” (idk lol)

- El wanting to try EVERY food but the others have to cut her off bc it’s so expensive and she will get so sick

- Mike being a good bf and holding souvenirs bought by his bf and gf (Will totally buying a sweet little something for his awesome mom) (El totally doing the same thing to remind herself of Hopper, but she keeps it in her room instead)

- Lucas also being a good bf for the same reason but complaining about it, lol

- everyone goes on the log ride (you might know it as the flume) bc there isn’t a person on earth who doesn’t like that ride, and even tho she knows about the impending splash, El is still super surprised when it happens

Groups, in order (front to back):

El, Mike, Max, and Lucas (Max is explaining to El over Mike’s shoulder that “you absolutely HAVE TO be in the front, it’s the best way”)

Suzie, Dustin, Steve, and Robin (irrelevant but don’t tell me Robin sits in front of Steve, there’s no fuckin way, she’s not his gf, also Steve and Dustin just have to sit together bruh)

Will, Dustin (bc obvsly he goes on again), Nancy, and Jonathan

Mike has his arms around El like he thinks he’s going to protect her from the huge spray of water (but his skinny arms won’t protect shit lol) and he somehow manages to make a decent photo come out of him kissing her cheek while she is simultaneously screaming (good screaming)

- everyone loves the bumper cars (Jonathan and Suzie hang back tho, to hold everyone’s stuff and cheer from the side)

Max, as the only one (sans teens) who has actually driven a car before, rides with El so she can teach her how to do it

her and Lucas (with his passenger Will) are automatically in competition with one another (”you’re going down!” “no, YOU’RE going down!”)

Robin, riding by herself, goes after Steve and driver Nancy (who’s surprisingly good at this)

and Dustin (passenger Mike) gangs up with Robin to take on Steve and Nancy, which makes Nancy even more determined now to destroy both of them

Steve’s a little afraid of Nancy when she’s like this, lol

eventually Dustin and Robin are like “okay okay, we’ll stop! jesuschrist, how did you get so good at this??” (but also they are just in total awe of Nancy) and they just go after each other instead

- El doesn’t like spinning rides (too dizzy and they totally make her tummy “feel weird, like there’s a storm in it” “uh oh, you’re nauseous, El” “naw-shus?” “yeah, like sick, here, sit down for a minute”), but Will loves them and he’s there for her

- the sky ride (the one that takes you from end of the park to the other), groups:

Mike and Will on one side, Max and El on the other (the seats are basically little cabins, seats for 4 people)

Lucas and Dustin on one side, Jonathan and Steve on the other

Robin on one side (she totally takes up the whole double space, putting her leg up), Nancy and Suzie on the other

- carousel ride! (during the day)

El wants the prettiest horse

Max gets the most badass thing which is like...a wolf??

Lucas and Dustin ride only bc there’s a game where you can try to throw rings into a hole while going around (they each get one in by pure luck but otherwise suck). they don’t really care what animals they get, they just need ones that move up and down. Dustin gets a cat with a fish in his mouth, and Lucas ends up just picking a rabbit before everything is taken and he doesn’t have a choice anymore. The others fuckin laugh at the image of Lucas riding a rabbit

Suzie gets another horse

Will gets a lion which doesn’t move up and down but he’s okay with that, he’s kinda just going bc everyone else is

Mike gets stuck with a horse bc he was at the back of the group and by the time he gets there, every other non-horse animal is taken (but they joke about how he should have gotten the non-moving giraffe, taken by Steve, bc it’s so tall and gangly like him lol)

Nancy gets a horse

Robin takes the wild boar bc “dude that is the most badass animal on a carousel I have ever seen!”

Jonathan stays behind, no matter how much the others beg, but he takes lots of really good pictures (including the one time Dustin gets the ring in the hole and then cheering, then also him and Lucas high-fiving, and the various couples exchanging really cute looks, and El having the best time ever bc she’s never been on one of these before)

they go on the carousel one more time near the end of the night and this time Jonathan gives in and rides with them, but he sits in one of the benches that’s just there for the parents), and he still takes pictures as best he can without getting up and moving

- photo booth photos! (I’ll leave the silly face ones up to your imagination)

El and Max (one super close hug with faces pressed together, one kiss, one silly faces, and one smiles)

Will and Mike, but Max and El totally burst in for like, the last 1.5 pictures, it doesn’t ruin them tho, Mike and Will just ignore them (one nice smiles bc they’re like “what do we do??”, one hug, one kiss being interrupted by the girls in the background, one candid laughing while the girls wave at the camera)

Will and Mike again (one candid of Mike holding the curtain shut to make sure no interruptions and Will laughing, one kiss (non-interrupted), one silly faces, one just being super cute and close together and leaning on each other)

Max and Lucas (one smiles, one kiss, one of her pretending to look tough by putting him in a headlock or putting a fist next to his face like a punch, one that was supposed to be funny faces but instead is her looking off to the side where Mike has opened the curtain and stuck his head (with his tongue out) in as revenge and Lucas with that look of “dude, really??” on his face)

Dustin and Suzie (one kiss, one smiles, one nose-to-nose, one super close together leaning on each other cute)

Mike and El (one smiles, one kiss, one of him like surprise-trying to pull her into his lap kind of thing idk and her just looking super surprised but happy but also Max is in the background ruining YET ANOTHER picture, and one candid of them giggling about the previous picture with their foreheads pressed together almost nose-to-nose)

Mike and El again bc she wants non-interrupted photos (one with her actually sitting in his lap this time (she did this beforehand so he wouldn’t scare her again with the surprise-pulling thing), one of them pretending to look all hoity-toity like super models, one with her arms around his neck and his arms around her waist and they’re all close and cute sort of candid, and one just like the last one except they’re looking at the camera and smiling)

Will and Mike and El (one with Mike in the middle while his gf and bf give him a kiss on each cheek, one with El hanging over Mike’s shoulders in sort of a half-piggyback and he and Will are laughing, one with Mike and Will kissing while El makes a funny face at the camera, one of them all making funny faces at the camera)

Max and El and Mike (one with El in the middle, Max’s arms are around her waist almost dipping her backwards, her legs are up in the air (as far up as they can go in the tiny booth) and her head is tilting back onto Mike’s shoulder with his arms around her shoulders and he’s pressing a kiss to her hair, one with El kissing Mike’s cheek while he and Max make funny faces, one with Max behind them and her arms over both of their shoulders pulling them all close and their faces squished together with this super big cheesy grin while Mike is laughing at El’s funny face, one with Mike and El kissing and Max sitting next to them making the 👌🏻 symbol and winking at the camera, bc she just has to get sassy)

Bonus, more teens:

- Robin takes Steve on all the crazy rides (aka drags him, makes him go, etc.) They both get a little sick, but for her it's totally worth it (for him...not so much)

- Dustin and Robin get along hella bc he joins them on the crazy rides and is just @steve like “what are you, a pussy?”

- Nancy has to remind Jonathan that the kids will be FINE, and they don't need to hover around them all evening, "let's go enjoy ourselves"

- Nancy likes roller coasters, CHAnGE mY MInD

- Steve and Robin totally scream when they go on the drop ride together, except Robin’s scream is more “holy shit, exhilarating and so exciting! whooooo!” while Steve’s is more “this is fun but also I’m totally gonna die!!”

- Steve is a boss at those games where you have to throw something at/into/onto a target and he wins a stuffed animal

- Robin is p decent at those games too, but she’s not a match for the king (she comes close though, they actually turn it into a competition to see who can win more stuff)

- Nancy kicks butt at that game where you shoot a spray of water and make the target thing rise to the top or race or whatever (any shooting game, really), you know what I mean (Jonathan fucking fails, sorry Jonathan)

- Steve totally wins that game where you swing a mallet and try to ring the bell. Robin doesn’t win but she gets way closer than they thought she would and Steve’s “wtf”. Dustin is also stronger than he looks, and even tho he doesn't win, he can at least lift the (smaller) mallet, which is more than any of the others can do.

- Robin HAS to do that game where you try to climb the flat, almost horizontal rope ladder to the end and she doesn’t even make it halfway before she falls, but it’s hilarious

- Nancy also tries that game after some goading from the others, and she makes it farther than Robin (about halfway) but still fails fantastically. And then she takes a bow.

[fleshblueberry]

Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored

Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality

I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-

When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)

Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.

now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-

Jam out!

... I don't even know what to say to this

[deanothecheynosaur]

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Part 3 (2020)

**SPOILERS**

Ok, I have already completed the season, but I'm still gonna break it down episode by episode and give my thoughts during in retrospect. If you have not seen Parts 1 or 2, I recommend you start there.

Chapter 21: The Hellbound Heart

So, Sabrina (Kiernan Shipka) is trying to get Nick Scratch (Gavin Leatherwood) back out of hell and separated from Lucifer (Luke Cook). If you had forgotten, during part 2 Sabrina found out that Lucifer Morningstar was her biological father, and they trapped Lucifer inside of Nick. She enlists Roz (Jaz Sinclair), Harvey (Ross Lynch), and Theo (Lachlan Watson) to help. Besides the fact that their all besties, I have no idea what help Harvey or Theo would be. Theo is at least loyal and listens to reason. Harvey just goes off all the time. Roz is the most useful with her "cunning." Anyway. Before they figure out how to get to Hell, Mrs. Wardwell (Michelle Gomez) comes back to Baxter High with a new obsession with Dante's Inferno. But she's not possessed by Lilith (Michelle Gomez) anymore; Lilith is too busy defending her title as Queen of Hell. Also, props to Michelle Gomez. She flawlessly played two very different characters this season. Meanwhile, Zelda (Miranda Otto) and Hilda (Lucy Davis) are trying to save the coven because their powers are all fading. They aren't sure what to do with the remaining students or what to tell them. All of their powers are a gift from Lucifer, but he's not really in the position (or the mood) to be giving them any powers. Down in New Orleans, Ambrose (Chance Perdomo) and Prudence (Tati Gabrielle) are on their mission to find her father. When they come up short, they turn to Voodoo Priestess Mambo Marie (Skye P. Marshall) to help them with a different kind of magic. Dorian Gray (Jedidiah Goodacre -that is quite a name-) helps Sabrina and friends to get into Hell as long as they bring him a magic flower. They go in without any real plan, as you do. Seriously. Not even a map. Wtf. Luckily, they walked into the Shores of Sorrow and met Caliban (Sam Corlett), who told them to follow the river of blood because "all blood leads to Pandemonium." That's the capitol city of Hell I guess? They have lots of fun on the way, and when they get there, Lilith says that Sabrina has to deal with the Kings of Hell for her, but Lucifer tells Sabrina that she has to take the throne for herself. It has to be a Morningstar. Well, she does, but the Kings aren't convinced. Then our friend Caliban shows up again, naming himself Prince of Hell, and challenging Sabrina for the throne. It is worth noting that Caliban is ridiculously hot. And generally shirtless. Sabrina accepts the throne to get Nick out of Hell. Which is problematic for a lot of reasons, but most of all that she decides to do this BEFORE separating him from Lucifer. So she's just gonna keep Nick/Lucifer tied up in the dungeon until she finds another flesh acheron to hold Lucifer. What could go wrong?

I really expected it to take longer for Sabrina to get to Nick, but considering the very twisted maze part 3 went down, getting to Pandemonium is pretty minor. Also, Sabrina's whole "I'ma do what I want and not tell my aunts so they don't stop me" is getting old.

Chapter 22: Drag Me to Hell

This one is a little less convoluted. Sabrina finds out that one of her duties as Queen is to drag souls to Hell. Specifically souls who have made a deal with the devil. We can infer from this that the only people who go to Hell are those who have sold their soul, so it would be far easier to not go there than some people in the real world would have me believe. The first soul, a cute old man who wanted to be chess Grand Champion, Sabrina decided to show mercy and sent him to heaven. Didn't go over super well with the Kings of Hell. Also, Sabrina is now a cheerleader at Baxter High. They call themselves the Ravenettes. There's a dance team from my high school called the Raiderettes, so that confused me for a sec. Lots more singing pop songs then actual cheers though. Reminds me of the Jailhouse Rock scene in Riverdale. I digress. Zelda has decided to reopen the academy and that she and Hilda were going to teach. Hilda was more voluntold. Agatha (Adeline Rudolph) doesn't really respond well. Prudence and Ambrose discover that Father Blackwood (Richard Coyle) is in Loch Ness, which is apparently super magical and can bend time and space? Idk, but I was highly disappointed that we didn't see Nessie. They see him at the very end of the episode looking like Mr. Bean at the end of the live action Scooby-Doo movie. They take him back to Greendale and use him to hold Lucifer so Nick can be free. Because what the world needs is Blackwood and Lucifer together. Back to Brina. Her second soul to collect (apparently this is a daily task for the ruler of Hell but she only does these two so there's a plot hole) is the ice cream man, Jimmy Platt (Matty Finochio). He tells her that he would like to extend his contract again by eating the heart of an innocent child. Sabrina confronts Lucifer about this later, apparently it didn't have to be a child, just an innocent soul. Adult virgins, beware. Sabrina tells Jimmy no (obvi) but Jimmy has already hidden the kid. So now she has to find this kid and collect his soul before the end of the day or there will be a coup in Hell. Sabrina wisely decides on just Roz to help her with this one. Roz is also the one who warns Sabrina against transporting herself into a freezer with no more information, but as per usual Sabrina goes anyway. Jimmy put warding sigils on the walls, so she's stuck and powerless. Luckily, Lilith knows what the fuck she's doing (as opposed to Sabrina who only thinks she does) and saves Sabrina. Sabrina takes Jimmy to Hell, but nobody is impressed. Caliban officially challenges her to find the unholy regalia- the three most powerful infernal objects, starting with Herod's crown.

This is a pretty typical Sabrina episode- she's way in over her head, but she either doesn't realize it or won't admit it. I'm never quite sure, but it seems like she genuinely doesn't know. I also don't remember if it's this episode or the next, but Harvey is suddenly feeling under a lot of pressure to have sex with Roz. But it never shows Roz being pushy about it, so idk wtf is going on in Harvey's head (besides convincing himself he's over Sabrina).

Chapter 23: Heavy is the Crown

For this one, Sabrina enlists Ambrose to help her find the crown because Ambrose is the most well read warlock ever due to his permanent house arrest. It's in Riverdale. They use a special compass to find it in a maple tree that the Blossom's use for syrup. If you've seen Riverdale, this probably has more significance and is less surprising. They steal the crown (somehow without realizing zombie King Herod is still in the tree). Sabrina wants to destroy it, but Ambrose wants to tap into its power to help the coven. Unsurprisingly, this does not work out well for them initially because Herod follows the crown and would very much like it back. Zelda is failing at getting respect from the students at the academy, and there's weird Lucifer beetles crawling in ears and controlling people. In other news, a carnival came to town! Obviously this has something to do with the larger plot because otherwise it would be a side note. Harvey, Roz, Sabrina, Nick, and Theo are all going together. Theo wants to invite the new guy, Robin (Jonathan Whitesell), because Theo is crushing hard. Robin is nerdy cute, I guess. I did think it was cliche to give the queer guy green streaks in his hair though. Harvey says tells Theo to invite him as part of the group, which Theo does, and Robin agrees. They all go to the carnival: Roz, Sabrina, and Theo ignorantly happy, Harvey struggling with his masculinity, Nick struggling with his ordeal, and Robin just happy to be there. Roz "sees" the carnival ringmaster as a satyr (or a faun depending on your preference for Greek or Roman deities, but they do tend to prefer Greek in this show), but she decides she was imagining things. Mrs. Wardwell talks to the fortune teller Circe (Lucie Guest) to try to find out what happened to her during the three months that Lilith was using her "skin suit." She doesn't get any concrete answers because that's not how fortune tellers work, Mary. Harvey stumbles across a snake charmer dancer woman in a tent full of pervy dudes and is almost entranced. Hilda goes to the carnival with her bf Dr. C, who proposes. Idk why she needed to throw her cotton candy on the ground during that, but I'm also on a sugar detox, so... Prudence and Ambrose are cleaning up Blackwood's mess by putting a living doll spell on Judas and Judith to hide them and putting his weird time warping monster fish egg thing in a fish tank. Yeah. No Nessie, but a weird egg. It's fine, I'm not bitter. Back at the carnival, Sabrina and Nick get attacked by Herod (who stole his crown back from Ambrose but knows it was Sabrina stealing it initially). Ambrose saves them, but Caliban pops in, steals the crown, and wins the first round of the challenge. At the very end, we find out why the carnies are important: they're pagans who worship the old gods and trying to resurrect The Green Man to rid the world of flesh since the Satanic witches have all but lost their powers. There is more than one voodoo practitioner, idk why they're not considered more of a threat because they're much more independently magical. They need a virgin to complete the rebirth, and that's why Robin (dun dun dun) was hanging out at the high school. Our potential virgins are Theo, Harvey, and Mrs. Wardwell.

I chose not to believe that Robin was actually bad because I want Theo to be happy. I chose to believe that even if he was using Theo, Robin was just trying to take his virginity to prevent him from being the sacrifice. Also, Sabrina is basically trying to force Nick to be normal even though she compared his symptoms to PTSD. Girl stop. He needs a sec.

Chapter 24: The Hare Moon

Zelda and Hilda have decided that the coven needs to celebrate the hare moon for the coming of spring to bolster good will. Sabrina isn't enthused (maybe because it requires her singing a song of summer into the forest to release a rabbit). Lilith tells Sabrina that they need celestial power to restore their strength, so she goes to Dorian, who has an angel trapped in one of his paintings (as all art collectors do). Sabrina drains some blood from the angel for her coven, but leaves in the process because she hears some screaming. Then she stumbles upon Nick and some sex demons doing BDSM. She's less than thrilled, especially since Nick low-key blames her for it. And Dorian has drank 90% of the angel blood, but they can't take anymore with killing him. So Hilda suggests using the little blood to make an oil mixture and take a moon bath under the hare moon (rub oils all over your skin and lie outside under the full moon) to absorb the celestial energy from the moon. During the daytime ceremony, they meet the pagans. Things don't go well. Zelda makes a bunch of petty insults, Hilda pisses off Circe, and Nick kills me the snake that bit Dorcas (Abigail Cowen). Circe puts a curse on Hilda to become a spider, and

[kingfallshistoricallibrary-blog]

Episode Thirteen: Crop Circle Jerk

[intro]

Ben:

Good evening! You’re listening to King Falls AM – that’s 660 on the radio dial.

Sammy:

Folks, we are jumping right into it tonight. We got Deputy Troy on the line live from Libbydale Farms. Hey, Troy, can you hear us alright?

Troy:

Loud and clear, Sammy. Heard you real fine, too, Ben.

Ben:

Suck an egg.

Sammy:

Okay so, Troy tell the listeners what you just told us right before we went on air.

Troy:

Ladies and gents, in all my years – and I mean all – I ain’t never seen anything like this. Not even comparatively close to what I’m lookin’ at right  this instant.

Ben:

POINT. GET TO IT.

Troy:

Gosh darnit, Ben. I’m trying to sell the magnitude of what I’m feasting my eyes on!

Ben:

Who even knew you could see Libbydale Farms from so far out in the Kiss Ass Sea of Worthy SS Backstabber.

Troy:

You know GD well I’m not on a ship nor would it be called the SS Backstabber if I were. Don’t be so damn sore, Ben. Everybody knows I’m sorry! Plus I reckon my ship be called the USS Super Badass.

Sammy:

[clears throat] Troy. Ben. Let’s put our differences aside and let’s get to the matter at hand. So, Troy, you’re live at?

Ben & Troy:

Libbydale Farms.

Ben & Troy:

I’m trying to talk!

Sammy:

Guys!

Troy:

As- as I was sayin, I’m out here at the farm and out past the barns just hours ago, Old man Libbydale called us in and acres upon acres, boys, have been de-stroyed.  

Ben:

Where were you earlier this evening, Troy?

Troy:

Using my keen detective skills and ninja like mental agility, I can see you’re trying to place me at the scene of the crime, little buddy. However Ol’ Troy was sawing logs next to the Mrs before my shift.

Ben:

While crimes are being committed? Typical.

Troy: Now that’s a low blow. Just because –

Ben:

NO! NO! YOU-

Troy:

Ben come on –

Ben:

[sarcastic] Ohhh yeah ohhh just soooo good at –

Sammy:

GUYS! Guys! I understand there’s a new intensity between you two, but Ben, as co-host of this show and a respected journalist…put it away. Troy, you’re the first friend of The Sammy & Ben Show and a deputy sheriff. You guys don’t have to be best buddies, but let’s please report on the news story at hand.

Troy:

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Sammy.

Ben:

Jesus.

Sammy:

So, Troy – Oldman Libbydale called you out. Acres of his lands destroyed. How so?

Troy:

Y’all ain’t gonna believe it, but you know I always shoot you straight. Two words: Crop Circles.

Sammy:

Crop circles?

Troy:

It’s like a live action Led Zeppelin album cover as far as the eyes can see. Big ones, little ones…the craziest damn designs you ever could imagine.

Ben:

Troy, I assume you and the rest of Gunderson’s thugs – I mean deputies – inspected the circles and the surrounding areas for man made tools. There have been stories of men with boards tied to ropes that can replicate what people believe crop circles to look like. Bending the crops at the right angles, etcetera… did you find -

Troy:

Didn’t find anything, Ben. Not a board, not a footprint, nothing but hunched over crops.

Ben:

So you think…?

Troy:

Oh there isn’t a doubt in my mind it’s the UFO’s or those lights. I mean, whichever you wanna call it. No man made these. And in just a few hours to boot!

Sammy:

Okay, so has this ever happened here before, Ben?

Ben:

No. Nor abductions. Not even the lights being so close to town. The past few months have been a hotbed for extraterrestrial activity, it would seem.

Sammy:

It would seem? So you aren’t certain?

Ben:

[laughs] I only said it would seem so you wouldn’t get all defensive about it.

Sammy:

Okay, alright. Well as much as I hate to say it, I definitely feel there’s a lot more than meets the eye here in Kings Falls.

Ben:

I’m not one to say I told you so. But I did tell you so!

Troy:

Just so everybody out there knows, Libbydale Farm is private property. So, unless you’re doing the dairy farm tour in morning, this is not an attraction for looky-loos. There is an official investigation still on going here. Plus don’t nobody need another person gettin’ snatched up by the Martians either.

Ben:

Martians are from Mars, Troy. They aren’t representative of all extraterrestrials.

Troy:

Whatever, Ben Nye the Science Guy. I’m headed out to the field again. I may not be smart as Ben about the aliens and such, but I can definitely sniff out a spot where the Williams Boys will come lookin for mischief and mayhem. [hangs up]

Sammy:

Deputy Troy, folks. Now I didn’t realize you and Troy were still so angry at one another, Ben. You can’t let that hostility –

Ben:

Thanks Dad… we’re just gonna take a break to hear from one of our fine sponsors. Maybe Sammy here can talk to me about the birds and the  bees after we get back.

Sammy:

Maybe…

[ad]

What if what you thought wasn’t really what you thought you thought? Ever think of that? Here at The Institute of Science we can help you become what you’ve always wanted to become. A better you, for a better mankind. Call us today for a free brochure and a c-meter reading. That’s C as in cat. We’re coming King Falls. Be well. And be ready.

[intro]

Sammy:

You’re listening to King Falls AM and we’re opening up the phone lines to you. 424-279-3858.

Ben:

We’ll be talking about the apparent crop circles situation at Libbydale Farms as well as if any of you out there have had any experience with this phenomenon.

Sammy:

So give us a call or tweet us @kingfallsam. So, you’ve heard our story, now let’s hear yours.

Ben:

Line 3.

Sammy:

Good evening you’re live with Sammy and Ben.

Cynthia:

Good evening? For who? Certainly not King Falls!

Sammy:

Hi, Cynthia. How about you tell us how you really feel tonight.

Cynthia:

Well, to be honest I’m a little rattled over these gang signs these aliens are leaving on our turf. Literally.

Ben:

Cynthia, there is no way to tell if those circles are angry or happy, even. They’re just symbols.

Cynthia:

So’s a swastika, Ben Arnold. Get your head out of your tuchus!

Sammy:

Okay, obviously, we aren’t trying to raise alarms here, Cynthia. It’s just, uh, an interesting story. Especially here in our own backyard. Would you not agree? Uh, you know, it’s not every day you can see this kind of handy work, man made or otherwise.

Cynthia:

You two sound so happy. We’re getting tagged in an intergalactic war and all us in the Falls are sitting around at ground zero.

Ben:

I don’t think that’s fair –

Cynthia:

That’s the problem! You just don’t think. It’s all Tim Jensen’s fault, I just know it. We didn’t have any flying saucers and land tattooing bedlam before he chased those lights.

Ben:

He didn’t chase anything! He was driving from work and called to report on a breaking news story.

Cynthia:

Watch your tone, Ben. I’ll buy one of those disease ridden sugar flyers and toss it in Lake Hatchenhaw just to spite you!

Sammy:

Goodnight, Cynthia.

Ben:

Sugar glider. And they’re illegal.

Cynthia:

So are illegal aliens, but you’re just getting ready to throw them a parade. I can’t! I just can’t! [hangs up]

Sammy:

Heh, alright, uh… Line 12 you’re live on King Falls AM.

Emily:

Hi, Sammy! Hi, Ben!

Ben:

Emily! I – I didn’t realize you were back in town!

Emily:

I just got back. I was listening on the way in. My mom and I actually drove by the farm and saw all the commotion over there. Police, reporters, big lawn mower thingies…

Ben:

Lawn mowers?

Sammy:

Uh, you know, if you don’t mind me asking, Emily, why were you out of town?

Emily:

Oh I flew out to Buford, Wyoming for the annual small town librarian expo, and I had my mom pick me up from the airport since Ben was on the air.

Sammy:

Wow, so you guys are in the taking and picking up from the airport stage of your –

Ben:

Friendship. Is that the word you’re searching for, Sammy?

Sammy:

That was exactly the one, Ben.

Emily:

[laughs] You guys are so silly. But I just wanted to say hi and tell Ben I’m back home now! Oh! And starting next week, I’ve got a whole bunch of fun activities I learned from the expo to start doing at the library. Hopefully we can get some of the scared kids back now.

Ben:

I’ll call you later, Emily.

Emily:

Goodnight, Ben. Night, Sammy.

Sammy:

Emily Potter, ladies and gents. King Falls librarian and Ben’s…friend.

Ben:

Yeah, yeah. Lucky Line 1, you’re on King Falls AM.

Caller:

Hi, guys! It’s Greg Frickard!

Sammy:

Hi, Greg! You know, we appreciate you running the ads on the show, sir. It’s so nice to meet you… uh, over the phone, of course.

Greg:

Thanks, Sammy! I think we’ve talked before and uh, glad to run the spots. Me and Granny Frickard love the show! You should hop on down to the Froggery and we’ll hook ya up!

Sammy:

I might have to take you up on that offer, Greg!

Greg:

We’d love to have you! You too, Ben…

Ben:

Greg, you’re a lifelong King Falls resident…we’ve been talking about the crop circles out at –

Greg:

Oh I know. I’ve been listening, but I was actually calling about something else if that’s okay.

Sammy:

Uh yeah, sure thing, Greg. What’s on your mind?

Greg:

Well, I heard Ben and Ms. Potter a second ago and they made a declaration of friendship? Is that correct?

Sammy:

Oh. Uh. Is this about Emily?

Ben:

Did you call before when Emily was in the studio, Greg?

Greg:

Uh, no… [nervously laughs] that must have been…somebody else. But is that true, Ben? Are you and Miss Potter just friends?

Ben:

Good friends. Close friends. Real close.

Greg:

Huh. Welp that’s all I needed to know. Thanks a million, buddy.

Sammy:

Hey uh, Greg – you didn’t have a comment or –

Greg:

Oh, no. I just - [laughs] I don’t know the first thing about crop circles and what have you. Uh, it’s real interesting and all, but Ms. Potter’s lovely voice just…speaks to me. I always just assumed that Ben and Emily were bf and gf respectively, but… if that’s not the case then…

Sammy:

Ben? You okay?

Ben:

I don’t like putting our personal lives out there in the public eye.

Greg:

Well, gee, Ben. I’m only asking because if you’re into friendship with the lovely Ms. Potter, I’m afraid I just might be into courtship. Granny wants to see me married before going into the great By-and-By

Ben:

Okay, bye bye to you too, Greg. Looks like we lost line –

Greg:

I’m still here, pals! Now about that thing-

Ben:

[hangs up] Line 7 you’re on King Falls AM?

Sammy:

Did you just hang up on –

Ben:

I would never. Line 7.

Herschel:

I’d like to voice a complaint, right this instant.

Sammy:

Herschel?

Ben:

Is everything okay, Mr. Baumgartner?

Herschel:

Would I call into you nincompoops if everything was honky-dory?

Ben:

I guess not…

Sammy:

So what seems to be the issue, Herschel?

Herschel:

All this yackin about GD UFO’s and crop circles, for starters. Makes my damn di[censor] itch.

Sammy:

Sir! This is –

Herschel:

Did you call me to tell me what to think, comrade? Or did I call you to talk about an issue?

Sammy:

Please continue, Mr. Baumgartner…

Herschel:

Thank you. So, I’m out on the lake tonight – got up bright and early so I could make sure I got my special spot.

Ben:

Got up early? It’s just now a little past 2…

Herschel:

You the sleep police?! Ya little bastard… I thought not.

Ben:

Sorry, Herschel.

Herschel:

So I’m trollin, out on the – well, that parts top secret, boys. But I’m trollin, so I don’t scare the biggins away and those [censored] damn sons of [censored] rainbow lights start blowing through the sky. Looked like Joseph’s Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat was fightin that big Jap lizard!

Sammy:

Godzilla? Please don’t use derogatory –

Herschel:

McCarthy would’ve skinned your ass alive, you red sack of [censored]! Can I tell my story?!

Sammy:

Of course, I’m just asking you not to –

Ben:

I’m on the button, Sammy. Herschel’s gonna Herschel…

Sammy:

Okay, so you saw the lights tonight…

Herschel:

Saw? Hell, they scared the literal piss out of me. The trickle down my Carhartt looks like the state of Florida. I’m out here naked as a jaybird! Not a fish in sight.

Ben:

I’m sorry, did you just reference a musical, Mr. Baumgartner?

Herschel:

Oh just cause I like some colorful metaphors means I can’t be refined, Ben?!

Ben:

I wasn’t – I didn’t – imply- I um I’m just saying-

Herschel:

Oh Mrs. Baumgartner – god rest your sexy soul, Edna – used to love those hippy-dippy singing plays. And I’d do anything to keep in those pants, fellas.

Sammy:

Oh, god.

Ben:

Awww. Can we get back to the lights?

Herschel:

That Edna. Oh, lemme tell ya… oh, uh, yeah – the damn lights! Yeah, so, I saw ‘em. What the hell else am I supposed to tell ya about it?

Sammy:

Well, you were calling to complain about them, I’m sure.

Herschel:

That’s right! I’d like to report that no good drunkard! Cecil Sheffield! Called that cumbersome ass-wart damn near 15 times to come bring me a pair of skivvies to no avail! Avoiding my calls and his duties as a co-winner of this damn boat!

Ben:

It’s so late, Mr. Baumgartner. I’m sure he’s sleeping now.

Herschel:

You would take up with him!

Sammy:

Ben’s just sayin that he isn’t avoiding you so much as he’s, you know, probably asleep.

Herschel:

Sleeping one off! Soggy son of a [censor]ch. He knows if I ring the special line, it’s a damn emergency.

Ben:

So, you guys have made up?

Herschel:

Made up my ass! If he’s gonna be co-anything with Herschel F. Baumgartner, that tallywackers gonna have to keep up his end of the bargain.  

Sammy:

To be at your beck and call in case you… soil yourself…

Herschel:

Don’t be crass!

Ben:

So, you guys are actually sharing the boat? That’s awesome! I figured you-

Herschel:

I ain’t sharin a damn thing with that son of a [censored]. Stop stirrin the pot or I’ll make what Charlie did to John McCain look like foreplay, Ben Arnold!

Sammy:

So, to the point, you’re calling to complain about Cecil because he’s sleeping through your time of need?

Ben:

But he is corroborating seeing the lights, Sammy! That’s a big deal.

Herschel:

Just have an intern or something bring me some britches and stop the fiddle fu[censored] fuss! 32 long! I’ll be at Begley’s. He’s probably peering out his window lookin for a damn show… I don’t like beige! [hangs up]

Sammy:

You’re on King Falls AM with Sammy and Ben.

Riley:

Please hold the line for Mayor Grisham.

Sammy:

This again?

Ben:

[groans]

Sammy:

You know, I wondered, do you wake him when we say special key words, or…?

Riley:

Mayor, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Grisham:

Sammy. Ben. I hate to rain on your topic of discussion tonight, but let’s shut it down. It would be much appreciated.

Ben:

What?

Sammy:

The always fair, Mayor Grisham, folks. Remember this come election time next year.

Grisham:

Do you think that a public servant should have to call the local Tom & Joe Chuckle Hut Show to ask them not to jeopardize a police investigation?  

Sammy:

Do you ever call Channel 13 and tell them what to report and how? We are a topical late night talk show, Grisham.

Grisham:

Mayor.

Sammy:

I didn’t vote for you.

Grisham:

Fair enough. I don’t expect you to respect anything but your own pathetic grab for ratings. Now, regarding Channel 13 –

Ben:

Sorry, Mayor. Obviously, Sammy is flustered. He wouldn’t have used such a bad example if he was thinking straight -

Grisham:

The answer to your question, Sammy, is no. I wouldn’t call in and tell a reputable news agency how to do their job. BUT, amazingly enough, I continue to have to ask you to stop your rhetoric seemingly once a month or so. Interesting, don’t you think?

Ben:

You do realize the only people that watch Channel 13 are drunks that can’t find the remote and animals left alone with the TV on, right?

Grisham:

Whatever helps you sleep better, Ben. I can tell you for a fact that right now Storm Sander’s is probably not working a local yokel interview and digging up the muck. He’s reporting on city ordinance 29.44371.

Ben:

Storm is knee deep in a barrel of backyard bathtub hooch during commercial breaks.

Sammy:

So, Mayor, what is this ordinance? Ya know, since we aren’t reporting the news to your liking, give us a glimpse into what works for you.

Grisham:

The add on to the local YMCA. The new menu at Rose’s. I’m not paid a handsome salary to do your job.

Sammy:

Oh, right! I forget you think you can dictate what we report on, for free.

Ben:

Sammy… they’re destroying the crop circles! That’s the ordinance!

Grisham:

There’s hope for you yet, Ben. Don’t go down with this ship. I’ll put a good word in for elsewhere.

Sammy:

You son of a [censored]! You’re destroying the crop circles? That could be the only thing that brings Tim Jensen home!

Grisham:

Don’t bring Tim Jensen into this!  The city is paying Libbydale Farms a fair share for their remaining crops! But it is in the public’s best interest to mow down this batch of mischief accordingly! Especially after this broadcast.

Sammy:

[laughs] You are despicable.

Grisham:

These affairs aren’t your business to ramble on about. Do the weather! Talk about traffic! I mean, I filled those potholes! Stop making trouble!

Sammy:

Freedom of the press. When your assistant isn’t typing out our every word, maybe have her look it up and tell you all about it.

Grisham:

I can’t wait to hear about it! And here’s a little phrase for you to look up too: obstruction of justice.

Sammy:

Uh-huh.

Grisham:

Do you think using your connections to officers of the law to report on breaking news is fine and dandy, Stevens? You are perverting the course of this case.  Certain things, especially ongoing issues, aren’t mean to be talked about until all the facts are out there. And you idiots are prying on the scene reporting with your bagel eating buddy who happens to be a cop.

Ben:

Not my buddy…

Sammy:

Ben.

Ben:

I’m not throwing you under the bus, Sammy. I just hate Troy.

Grisham:

So, the moral of the story would be, gents, somethings require couth. Somethings require kid gloves when handling. And most things don’t need to be aired in the public for ratings and entertainment. A perfect example being how I’m sure Sheriff Gunderson handled Deputy Kriegshauser on his own for calling into this joke of a show with police business constantly. Doubt you’ll see that done during a press conference.

Ben:

Uh, is that really necessary, sir?

Grisham:

This show is a breeding ground for incompetence and you’re now dragging your pals down with you. Straighten up and fly right.

Sammy:

Troy doesn’t need to be punished for you to make your point, Grisham.

Grisham:

Out of my hands. I’ve already had Riley send my opinion on and over to the Sheriff. Now again, I ask you, pick a different topic of discussion. Maybe one that won’t lead to the continued pain and misery for all those around you. Night, night, fellas.

Sammy:

I’m gonna call Troy.

Ben:

Umm We’ll be back after this, King Falls. We’ll take some calls about uh… I guess we’ll see…

 [outro]

[forestfairy13-blog]

I am.

I am a woman.

I am a woman who yearns for the company and friendship of other women.

I am a woman who loves and hates.

I am a woman who feels isolated.

I have felt for as long as I can remember that I have a long lost tribe somewhere out there. A tribe that has lost each other and yearns to be reunited. Every time I see images of naked women standing in a circle holding hands it awakens a sense of familiarity in me. Like when you remember your very fondest childhood memories. I’ve never really had that though. 

Unfortunately my experience in friendships with women hasn’t been necessarily ideal. I do have a couple of really good girlfriends but for the most part it’s proven to be an unwinnable challenge. I’ve lost friends for a good amount of reasons. One tried to hook up with my bf at the time, and just to reiterate how much it hurt me it was the bf that was my first everything (except first kiss)- first love, we lost our virginity to each other, etc. Yea, she tried to take that one. Not cool. Another took my exes side when I dumped him even though he talked crap about her and her bf almost all the time, and was super emotionally abusive towards me. A handful have stolen from me or lied straight to my face. Some of them just chose a boy over me, or some other friend. 

I’m not trying to brag or anything but when I’m in a friendship with someone I am all in. I will be the most loyal friend you can imagine. I’ll stand behind you and have your back in any situation if you need me, no matter what. Just because I know what it’s like to really stand alone and no one should ever have to stand alone. I probably invest too much of myself in friendships. I probably love too much. But when I find someone who I can really mesh with I can’t help it. I feel like “that’s my tribe, nobody fucks with my tribe.” So I get really attached. Not to where I’m constantly annoying them or anything like that, but to a slightly unhealthy point. I’ll get jealous of their other friendships (that’s actually happening in my life right now and that’s what sparked this whole blog post in the first place, but I’ll get to that later), I’ll get either sad/mad/irritated when plans are cancelled or changed somehow. I guess that would be me getting a little possessive, which I fully realize is unhealthy but it’s also kind of just how I am. I don’t make it obvious that I’m like that to other people. I internalize a lot so if I start feeling uncomfortable because I’m being possessive I won’t say anything. I’ll bottle it up and shove it down somewhere inside me. Assure myself that there’s still a smile on my face. I don’t like being jealous and I don’t like showing it.

But alas, I am jealous. I was never jealous (besides of other women’s bodies when I was going through puberty, we’re good now though) until I dated my first boyfriend (yes, the one I lost my virginity to) and he cheated on me with this girl he met at his work. I was devastated. That’s definitely up in the top 3 of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. After that happened I was constantly seething with jealousy. I was jealous of every girl in eyes range. Any girl he talked to. Any girl on TV or magazines. It eventually trickled out of my relationship with my bf to other aspects of my life. I got really jealous of girls at school. They were prettier, they had better bodies, they had more friends, more boys liked them, they were smarter, they were more athletic. I got jealous of my friends friends. “Who the fuck is Victoria and what’s so great about her?” That’s what I’d think to myself when my best friend was talking about a girl she’d known from cheer leading. 

Unfortunately I’m still kind of like that today. I have a friend that I met through my current bf/my last job. We’ve become really good friends. We all lived together for a while at one point. She’s a lot like my more crazy, extroverted side. I love that I have someone I can be loud with and talk about pretty much anything, especially sex related stuff which is my favorite to talk about. But her and her old best friend had a falling out for a while and then right after they made up her friend got pregnant so they haven’t ever really fully reconnected. In the meantime, she had met this girl that she worked with at her second job. They hit it off and have gotten pretty close. The new girl lives right down the street from her basically so they hang out a lot. They get drunk together a lot and go out places. They’ve become best friends now. And I’ve sat on the sidelines and watched the whole thing. I watched her go from kind of being my best friend, to being this other new girls best friend. And that really fucking sucks. It really fucking sucks to be over there at parties or just hanging out with this new girl there and basically be ignored. I’m not as cool or interesting i guess. And this is not the first time this has happened. Some new cooler bitch always has to come steal my friends. God it fucking sucks and it sounds so pathetic but I can’t help how it feels. The funny thing is the new girl isn’t even a bitch. I actually really like her and want to be her friend too but it’s too forced every time we talk. That’s how I feel anytime I talk to anyone, it’s so forced! It’s always so forced! 

Why can’t friendships happen like when we were kids? You meet a kid at school, you guys talk, become friends and from that point on you’re just two peas in a pod. Together all the time, never annoying each other or running out of conversation. Always having fun. As an adult you have to basically schedule appointments to spend time with friends. Then when you do hang out 9 times out of 10 you’ll run out of shit to talk about after an hour. Get on your phones or something we humans do now. 

I just miss human interaction so much. It sucks dating my bf too because he just doesn’t get it. He says he gets it sometimes when we’re talking. He says he gets the whole “sisterhood” thing with women, he grew up with just his mom and his sister so he was around women all the time. But other times he’ll raise his voice and start going off about how he doesn’t need people and he can go out and do things by himself and yada yada yada. I think he thinks he should be enough for me and I shouldn’t need anymore emotional support or whatever than him. He’d deny it and repeat himself if I ever asked if that’s what it was, but I can see through him sometimes. I can see his true intentions sometimes even when he can’t. I get why he would feel that way. He probably has the same subtle possessive/jealous tendencies that I do but I need to have friends. Plural. I need people to talk to. I’m a very talkative person and he’s just too quiet for me sometimes. Sometimes I’m completely manic when he’s completely calm and reclusive. It sucks but I try to manage it. I love him. I wish he would go back to being that amazing positive optimistic person he was when we first met. It was exactly what I needed at that point in my life and I need it again.

But I’ve destroyed him. He’s been with me for 4 years now and my negativity has inevitably eaten away at all his positivity. This happens with everyone I know. Whether I date them or we’re just friends. My negativity consumes the good in people and changes them. I actually hate being negative. I want more than anything to change that about myself. I literally hate it so much I want to hurl myself off the side of a bridge. But then I’d just die or really hurt myself and be even more negative. I just don’t know how to change. I’ve tried so hard and it always comes back. If it ever even really went away in the first place. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. I was raised in it. My whole entire family is negative. 

I just really want to change my negative mindset, make some friends, and stop being possessive and jealous of people. I can sit here and talk about it all I want but will I ever actually get up off my ass and do something about it?  I fucking need to.

[eyes-like-honey]

This day. This day you looked so beautiful. You looked like an angel. An angel that I never wanted to leave. I probably don't deserve you. I'm an evil person. Everyone likes to remind me of that. I've done the most fucked up shit. But I've only done it out of love. The love I wish I could get back but never do. Everyday it seems like your feelings towards me seem to fade more and more. And everyday it gets harder, more and more. I miss passionatly staring into your eyes. I miss the tight hugs I give you, that turned into slow dancing rocking back and forth in our dark living room. The ones the filled me with love I want to have forever. I hope you go back and read the pages of messages I sent you. When you use to look at me a different way. The things I told you, the things I wanted you to know; of why you should be with me. I know words don't mean much to you;and actions do. And I could do a million things for you. But I can't. It's not fair. He has a car. He can get you flowers. He can get all this shit to make love potions to make you fall in love with him again. But I can't. All I can do is write. I use to write all this stuff for myself. To the only person i trusted. But then I began to trust you. And now here I am writing away. I hope you read this. Because I will delete it after today. And I hope you do look at this tumblr everyday. Because i will post things. Things that are hard for me to write. And i probably will delete. I want you so bad. I know I'm crazy. And I know it's cheezy as fuck. But I'm crazy about you. For real. Your the most beautiful and perfect creature I've ever seen. Your laugh fills me up with so much emotions I can't explain. When you stare back I have to look away. Because Its like staring into the eyes of an angel. It's hard to have and hug everything you've ever wanted. And then the next day not being able to hold it. It feels like a cruel game. I fuck up so much shit and i really don't want to fuck this up. But my emotions take over. The only problem I have right now. Is that I can't be with you. Joseph is a gaint barrier I can't break down because I don't want to lose either of you. My phone is full of your pictures and videos. And i look at them everyday. Every fucking day. They're frozen moments of times that make me so happy. When your smiling. When your happy to be with me. And I like to think they're moments of happiness caused by only me. Moments of frozen times where we're both filled with pure happiness. Even this tumblr. I made it because it'll be on the internet forever. Even if it gets deleted. You can go on the dark web and see it. I want the memories of you and I to be forever. And if your not here anymore. Or if Im not here anymore. We can look back at this and remember what could of been. Even if it takes 30 years. And we don't even talk I want you to see this. See what could have been. What a relationship with someone crazy over you could of been. How crazy happy your life could be. The way I act. I acted for you. I never want to hurt you. Even if it feels like you've hurt me. I say shit that I shouldn't. But like I said. I tell you everything. Because that's what you want. That's why I'm writing this. Everything is falling apart. And it's because of joseph. He's here. Always. He's here Always watching. Always when I'm at work. Your alone with him. He tells you things about me. He tells you things to blur your vision of the future and to think of the now. I miss the old days. When we went to Dunkin donuts and get our iced coffees. Where I didn't have to say anything about our future. Where you could imagine and know how us together could be like forever. And how Joseph's and your future looked. I miss the days where we awkwardly went to stores and the mall together and people thought we were together. When you said I can say you were my girlfriend, even when we werent as close as we were today. Before I told you how many feelings I have about you. But now we havnt been hanging out alone. I dont even remember the last time we were alone. The last time I remember was when you ran away and I had to tell joseph to stay away. We were alone at the mall. But I'm pretty sure he was following us. And looking for us. We weren t really alone. But when we were there at the mall together. Even when he was iin the same mall. You were happy. We were happy. We held hands, and hugged. You posted snaps of us. And you didn't care what he saw. I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. And I want it to be like old times when we could spend time alone. I want you to remember the memories because that's all I have, because I'm not sure if I'll be able to have a future with you. And everyday it seems like it's fading more and more. That your forgetting everything we've been through before joseph tried to stop everything we had. Because he's always here. When we were alone. It was real. Real happiness. And now that we don't have real happiness. I'm losing you slowly. I don't want you to have a baby with him because he almost lost you and now he's just going to lock you down with a baby. I don't want you to see him after 9 months holding your baby awkwardly. And not being the person he tells you he'll be. If it took 3 years to finally see what he was doing to you and almost lose you. I don't think your future with him will be okay. I know you guys will have so many problems. And if your already wondering how he's going to look when he holds your baby. I feel like it's already a big red flag. I wish I could show you our future together. How perfect it could be. I wish I could do things for you. The actions and not words you want but like I said it's not fair. I can't even get a ride to the dmv. I can't go get you flowers. I can't go see you on your breaks everyday. Because I WOULD. That way you can never be alone. Guys won't come to you. And I can befriend your friends And we can all go do stuff And go out. And it wouldn't be a burden like it would be for joseph. I want to spend every second with you.i want to go to olive garden and pick up food for you without you askijng so you can eat an amazing dinner when you get home from work. I want to surpirse you with things, and do things for you at home. Like massage your back or feet. I want to take you on crazy adventures. Around tucson and road trips across the country. I want to see the world with you.Joseph can do that stuff RIGHT NOW and before and he doesnt. He can make you happy. But not pure happiness. I know I can do that. I can do that for you but if your still not choosing, joseph will shut everythijng I do with you down. Because he thinks I'm not allowed too. Seriously everything he's doing right now. Is stuff i told him to do 3 years ago. And stuff I told him right now in the middle of this shit storm to help him look good even when I'm trying to get you too. To help.him out. Now it feels like it's biting me in the ass. But it's only the basics I told him. And he's only doing the basics. I'm not basic. I will be extra. Your the girl that needs the extra. The one that need more than just a guy that loves you. You need someone to make your life the most amazing ever. Don't you want to live life happy everyday? Don't you want to brag to your friends and hair stylist/when you go to the nail salon about your bf? Don't you want girls telling you how lucky of a gf you are? How they wish they found a guy like me? I know I can do that. And I never lie to you. You are precious as fuck and I don't want to lose you ever. Because I can see our future together. Our future nights out. our future adventures. Our future wedding. Our baby. Our future house. Our future as old people. Before you I was literally nothing. No had no purpose in life. Art was just a distraction. I was waiting for my mona Lisa, the masterpiece and art I want to stare at my whole life. And you see me. Staring at you. Even when I'm not at you or your mad at me. I look at you in awe. Your not mine. But you see me amazed by you. Your personality. Your jokes. Your smile. Your stare. You tiny ears. Your laugh. I see your goals in life. I see where you want your future to be. I see everything about you. When i stare at you. And when you stare back. I see not only you. But my reflection in your big beautiful brown honey eyes. I see how all of you and how all of me can be together. And I'm forced to look away because my heart beats too fast. I start to not breathe. Because knowing I can't have it. Terrifys me. My body is trying to kill itself when we look into each other's eyes. Because it just wants to go to a place where me and you are a thing. To go to a heaven to stare at you forever. I want you to believe were soul mates. But I can't when we can't even be alone anymore.like we use to. When we had fun pretending we were bf and gf. Tonight I'll be trying to fall asleep and you'll be in the room with joseph with the door closed. Most likely going to have sex. Even though last time you had sex with joseph on acid. He said some horrible stuff about you and how you looked like to him and how it traumatized him. But when hes horny it doesn't matter who you or what you look like to him. He'll still try. And while in there. I'll be going crazy inside. I've been trying so hard to not let my emotions go crazy. But you mean everything to me. Your are the only thing I care about in this world. And when your not by my side . I go crazy. When your locked in your room with him with the door closed. It seems like you choose him and not me. Someone who destroyed what you could of had. And is picking up the pieces and your letting him super glue it all together. Rather than the guy that would NEVER let it get to that point. And when we were alone. I know you know I can make you happy forever. And its the happiness you want forever. Please for the love of god though. Don't go into his room when your on acid.ornhave sex with him. I care about you. And I hope you care about me enough to respect me. I can't tell you what to do.or how to feel. But if you know it hurts me please dont do it. I would never intentionally want to hurt you emotionally. If i knew you didn't want me to do something I would never ever do it. And even when your high. I want you to remember me. And maybe think about us. And not only him. Just because can be there and not me. Remember you said you'd rather be with me than him at the mall. Remember if he wasn't here you would choose me and not him. You even told him that to his face. I am fucking crazy. But it's a good type of crazy I swear. It's only for you. I will give you a baby today. I know I can handle everything. Unlike him. I'm mature and I've had so much more responsibility in my life than him. I pretty much raised joseph and every baby animals or toddler myself. The foster kids. 4 kids and i was more of a parent than my own mother. I quit my job for them.when my mom babysat a relatives toddler. I was always there to take care of them too. I know can be a father. And I'm crazy enough about you to be your babies father. I want to prove to you how serious I am about you. I swear to god . Choose me. I'll give you eveything youve ever wanted and more. And you won't regret it. If you choose me. I can finally show you. In just need a chance. The chance joseph got and failed.

[skiasurveys]

i dont know what number this is

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? - my boyfriend.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? - currently am. for the first time actually, never felt like this.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? - almost a year. I think connor will be my longest. unless im forgetting someone LMAO.

4: Have you ever changed for someone? Yeah but for the best.

5: How is your relationship with your ex? -we used to talk more often but he tried to fuck me ( we never fucked in our relationship, i was a virgin when we dated ),  but i told him I was dating someone else and he just gets so annoying. He's really annoying, actually.

6: Have you ever been cheated on? - nah

7: Have you ever cheated? - No

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? -No.

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? - most ppl say being loyal or having someone but really its the connection. Like youre dating your best friend and thats cool.

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? - I had a chat with someone about this; I think breaks just mean " Im going to date other ppl but im gonna keep you in the background incase no one else works"

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? - Ive never hooked up with anyone ( if youre talking about sex) lol.

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? - I told him way too much personal stuff way early in the relationship and I said I love you when I didnt even mean it. Ugh.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? KIds??? KIDS?? KIDS HAVING SEX??? that should answer your quesiton.

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? -Yes but unless youre 15 dating someone over 20+ thats weird as shit. But once youre both adults and are consenting then whatever. But i do like when a dude is 34 dating a 20 yr old, thats weird as shit and he prob jsut wants to bone.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? - No you can meet someone and click and then fall in love. But youre not loving them. You cant love someone until you know them and have a connection.

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? - I mean if youre talking all the time and maybe skyping, then sure. But i dnt think so.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? cheating

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?  When you literally do not feel anything for them. If you dont feel anything, dont stay. Youre hurting them and yourself.

20: Are you currently in a relationship? Yes, 8 months. 05/10/16. <3

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?  Yeah, ive stayed friends with dudes ive dated. I think if you weren't super serious or close, then yeah. My most current ex and I are still "friends", we dont hang out or anything we talk tho

22: Do you think people should date their friends? If youre into them, yeah!

23: How many relationships have you had?  So about 4/5 but a few of those were flings. about 2 of those were serious and the current one im in is serious

24: Do you think love can last forever? Yes.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? Not everything.

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?  Nope. My mom really doesnt think my bf is good for me but i dont give a shit, its like whatevr. he makes me happy and im adult sooo

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? - Don't just date him because he said youre pretty, and dont trust every boy.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? - Yeah if you work on it.

29: What do you notice first about another person? smile and hair.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? straight.

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? No, because i already do and i think he has depression he just doesnt deal with it. he smokes weed lol

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? - Yeah.

33: Do you want to get married one day? - I do.

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? - No because if you ever break up, then its awkward.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? - i could but i need sex to feel loved.

36: Are you still a virgin? Nope

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? - both.

38: Do you enjoy love films?  yeah theyre okay.

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? Yeah last valentines day, but i dont care about roses tbh.

40: Have you ever had a valentine?  I had one last year, and he broke up with me after our dinner. ( wtf?) but I will this year i'll be with Connor <3

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?  Being happy.

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?  Yes and its not romantic.

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?  Both.  I have a personal level with my boyfriend but if i dont have my friends then im going to be lonely. Because your friends are always there for you.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? YEE.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? ehh, if i wasnt dating my current bf, maybe. but im not attracted to any of my friends.

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? - friend zone doesn exist. they just didnt like you.

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?  No one lol

48: What’s your favorite love song? - I cant help falling in love with you - elvis

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? - yeah my one boyfriend i had to break up with because we were long distance and he was 7 hours ahead of me and then he randomly went to work and stopped talking to me for like a little more than a month and so I was like " Im breaking up with you blah blah" and then when he came back he was hurt and tried to get me back but I cant do online relationships.

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? Im not.

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? poor but nice.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? - Yes. usually.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? - usually.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? - I love it on facebook but connor doesnt care for facebook so we dont really have it, but he tells everyone about me so thats good!

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? -almost all 3 lol. I get clingy and overly attached but not where its like he cant get away from me lol and i get jealous when i see someone whose better looking

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? - No, and i would hate to do that!

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? - No, suicide is never silly.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? -submissive. I always go to Connor for help and stuff.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? No he hasnt. and our anniversary is confusing because we were dating off and on in the begining like we were seeing eachother and then we made it offical randomly so yea

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? I think it's stupid. Honestly. whats the point of dating someone and then hooking up with someone else like youre basically just saving that person so that if you cant find someone else better that you at least have them. and its a waste of time.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?  that depends.

62: How do you define “cheating”? If you have to hide it, youre cheating.  

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? - eh i watch porn, i see hot dudes and i know he sees hot chicks but i dont care, as long as hes not telling me or being like "this chick is so hot" but yeah i mean he doesnt do it when im there lol

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?  Yes, i think its dumb that we need a day to force ppl to go out on dates when you can do that whenever it also pressures ppl tbh 65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? yes.