#imagine a month later you wake up in the dead of night and she is standing above your bed; above you; tears on her cheeks and her moufh

[saintvampe]

oh,

[lylianrae]

A list of all the things I have manifested ⋆˚⟡˖ ࣪

We manifest everything in our lives btw - the good and the bad which is why I will be including both to prove that the law does not discriminate. If you can successfully become poor, you can most definately become rich with the same ease because everything is just a state.

Long hair

AHH this is one of my favourite manifestations. Ever since I was young I had a weird bob with a fringe (often crooked) and I wanted long hair like all the other girls (lmaoo) but my mum was strict so she didn't let me grow it out. Although I didn't know about manifestation back then, every new year and birthday I would wish for long hair and I would pretend I was a princess with butt long hair. Guess what, somewhere along the line, my mum let me grow it out and now I have butt length hair (don't really know what to do with it tho </3).

As all kids do, I went through an emo phase where I chopped off like half of my hair like 4 years ago. I literally grew back 7-8" of hair within a month because my parents got too mad. I knew about manifestation here so I just assumed my hair always grows unaturally fast. Same with when I cut bangs, they grew past my chin within a couple of weeks.

Manifesting my way into a private school

Honestly this just shows that you dont need 2430430 hours of working on your self concept to manifest. Literally so many celebs, including Marylin Monroe (the queen), manifested their fame with awful self concept. Likewise, here I was possibly going through the worst time of my life back then. I would wake up at 8 am and start studying and end at 11 pm despite being only 10 at the time. I was so freaking stressed and envious of all the other children and went into a depressive spiral where my two options were pass or die. I didn't even have enough practice and I cried my self to sleep on most nights. Anyways, when i did the exam I was deathly calm and even after the exam I was apparently so chill so my parents thought I failed.

I literally left 9 questions on one paper but throughout the summer, everytime I found a dandelion I would make a wish and imagine digging a tunnel to the examiners room where I secretly change my answers into the right ones (lmfao my tiny 10 yr old brain - idek how it worked). Anyways my results were sent back to me a month later on a random October evening and I got a really high mark. Even after 7 years of going to this school I havn't met anyone who has gotten a mark higher than mine.

Curly hair / straight hair

Sigh. We always want things we don't have. When I was younger I had really straight hair like 1A asian hair but when I was like 10, I really wanted curly hair and I would try to curl it often. After a few months, I manifested a curling iron and my hair literally became naturally curly like right after a wash it would curly af when before it was dead straight. Naturally I grew bored of it and I wanted my straight hair back and for ages I began overcomplicating the law and struggled to manifest it. It was only recently when I actually let go of the 3D that I manifested the silky, shiny straight hair.

Social life?

This is also a funny one, just shows how easily you can manifest. So back in 2021 after lockdown I felt so lonely and felt so left out of my friendship group so after a few months I began stressing myself out and spiraling for like 30 minutes, sobbing to myself about how I was so lonely and how nobody loved me (💀). Anyways it became reality, I found myself uncomfortable in many social situations and found myself becoming forgotten far more easily. I don't really remember the details but it was so bad that I think I accidently manifested social anxiety (oh well we still up tho).

However I am a loa girly so I found myself listening to popularity subliminals and slowly (but surely) my mindset change from having no friends to being the most popular girl in the year. Like no joke I became friends with like 3 people from different social circles so at lunchtime we had to join up like 3 different tables so we can all sit together. Overall I got myself 20+ close friends and even my ex friends began to admire me although it had ended badly. Even now, when someone says something thats untrue - for example saying that they are dumb when they are not, they would be like "ahaha so its like when Rae (me) says she has no friends, the whole school knows who Rae is".

Clear skin

This was sort of in the beginning of my loa (law of attraction back then) journey, I just randomly found out what subliminals were and was still quite new to everything. Now I don't even understand how it happened but I had busted some capillaries under my skin and it looked like small red viens under my skin and bro I was freaking out at the time. One night I was like just, I had enough, I'm going to get myself better skin and so I listened to a sub once for 3-4 days and on like the 4th day, my cheeks began to heat up which was odd and the next day it was 90% gone. Just like magikkkk.

Desired university?

Guys. Feeling is the secret. Don't you ever forgot that - not feeling as in emotions but rather the feeling of knowing. I had 2 entrance exams to do to apply for my universities and it was a stressful time where I wasn't getting enough sleep and wasn't eating enough simply because I didn't have the time. Like I come home from school and would have 3-4 hours of homework, then I need to revise for tests and then the remaining time would be spent on the entrance exams. Each past paper took 2 hours and I have around 13s per questions and I was already struggling on time. Anyways, I began to hate them and I would often complain to my mum saying things like "My score got even lower!!" or "I hate it so much" or "My head hurts / eyes hurt".

Guess what? Not only did I see my score decrease over time but I also made such a silly mistake on the most important entrance exam which I needed for 4/5 of my universities. I left a question and completely forgot to mark on the answer so when I finished the section I realised I had one more space on the sheet with like 10s to spare. I didn't have enough time to go back and fix it and lemme say that I did so badly in the test. Even while waiting for results I was just like "ah it would be a miracle if I scored above this bla bla".

I got the score back and it was so freaking bad like I did not stand a chance at my university at all. However, I started to affirm for a place and to my utter shock and surprise my desired university reached out and offered me an interview. I knew people who had like scores which were 50% better than mine and they still got rejected pre-interview. Anyways I began stressing about the interview and the results of the whole thing and boom. I got rejected 3 days after my birthday lmaoo. But its okay because I'm reapplying and I learnt so much more. I'm redoing the entrance exam and my score is a loooot better than it ever was last year.

A key take away would be thoughts are the result of the state you are in. Your dwelling state manifests and I was focusing on the unrealness and the difficultly of getting into this uni and thats what manifested. At the time I was heartbroken and literally went through the 7 stages of grief and spent so many months trying to revise it only for me to focus on the 3D. Just know that everything is done in imagination and it appears in the 3D as a result.

Photographic memory

So this is also something I had manifested before I actually knew about loa but the takeaway here is that manifestation is always instant. I was around 11 reading a random book on my tiny kindle and the book was on how to develop a good memory and I was like ah that'll be useful. Anyways later in the car, I asked my dad about photographic memory and he sort of explained it to me. I just assumed that I have that and I told him I do. He just laughed at me and said thats something that you have to train for and I was not impressed lmao. Inside my tiny brain, I was just like nope, I already have photographic memory and I dropped that thought. Let me tell you, my memory is actually photographic and has helped me out on so many occasions like my brain just takes pictures of things.

Learning fast

This is also something I did before I knew loa, I was just always wondering why the other kids couldn't grasp concepts as easily as I did. Literally in every lesson I would be like ah I learn so fast and now I am actually blessed with the ability to grasp complex subjects so fast. A favourite example of mine would be when I was obsessed with music but to take it to a higher level you need to be able to play an instrument. I couldn't at the time and my teacher told me the requirements a week before the actual deadline. I have never actually played piano with both hands but one day I sat down and worked through the entire song (fur elise by Beethoven) which is a grade 5 (I think) and it normally takes people months / weeks to learn. I learnt the whole thing in 3 days and from then on, I could play piano like I had been doing for ages. Again the memory thing was so helpful because I never actually used any sheet music, I learnt it off a youtube video and I remembered every single note I needed to play.

Hourglass body + 22" waist

This was a couple of years ago when I actually didn't understand loa. Anyways long story short, I would do a 3 minute workout and then flex infront of the mirror all day (💀) and be like omg I have abs. Overtime, I actually got so skinny everyone around me kept pointing it out to me and my mum got so concerned that she took me to the doctor like 4 times. It was so funny, I would loose like 2-3kg overnight and my parents would have to buy better fitting uniform.

Bigger boobs

This was also back in the day (2021?) when I didn't understand how to manifest things easily af. I had an A cup but I wanted better boobies and I listened to like 2 subs for a week and I went to a B cup. But I just assumed I have a bigger cup size recently and I just skipped C and went to D+ (haven't measured in a long time).

I'm not done but I'm tired now bye bye

[pinkykats-place]

Ivar (Vikings) x Reader Insert Fics

Tumblr Recommendations

Disclaimers!

None of the stories linked are mine.

Mostly female reader inserts.

Some contain mature content.

GIFs are not mine.

Finnish polka

Ivar the Boneless x fem!Reader

SUMMARY: After helping one of the northern Jarls, the Lothbrok brothers attend a celebratory feast. There, they're faced with a tradition of warriors catching flower crowns that belong to young women. How surprised Ivar is when you almost shove your crown into his hands.

Jealous Games

Ivar x floki’s daughter!Reader

Summary: One day, your father enters your room, unveiling that your parents want you to marry Ubbe. Though, the past years you grew feeling for another man: Ivar. You never told anyone about your true feelings for the man but now that Ubbe is supposed to be your husband, you feel utterly broken down. Refusing the offer, you leave the scene, only to discover a life changing secret...

She’s Real

Ivar x fem!Reader

Summary: Family dinners never go as expected.

Whispers of Love

Summary: Reader is new in Kattegat and catches the attention of a certain Ragnarsson.

Some Good Advice

Ivar x older!fem!reader

Voyeur - Part 1

Ivar the Boneless x fem!Reader

Summary: You catch Ivar watching you bathing.

Early Mornings

Ivar x female!Reader

Summary: You find yourself in a delightful situation after waking up, but are suddenly interrupted by an unexpected visitor...

Shy

Ivar x f!reader

Summary: As a child reader had a crush on ivar and followed him around. He ends up saying mean things about her to his brothers, not realizing she can hear him. He ends up realizing he has feelings for her but she ends up moving away. Years later, she returns, and she's extremely pretty. Ivars hoping to confess how he feels, but his brothers have also noticed how pretty she's become.

Ivar the Boneless x Reader

Summary: Ivar is having dreams of you, of the goddess he sees on walking his nights. You prove him things, show him things and he can’t handle your ways or the fact they are just dreams. Until one day battle proves him wrong.

army of ivarrsons

ivar the boneless x fem!reader

summary : Ivar has always thought of himself to be a failure of a man, his legs did not work like an normal man, his prick did not work. The only thing he was good for was being a prince and a warrior though he wasn’t all that good at being even those in his eyes, but then along came a woman. One so pure, so beautiful she looked to be a goddess amongst men. And with those sweet words she spoke “I will bare you many sons ivar the boneless.”

In Love with a Monster

Ivar x Princess!reader

Summary: Being in an arranged marriage, you told your husband was a monster.

Does it hurt? Bleeding every month

Ivar x fem!wife!Reader

Summary: you find out your husband, who had two partners before you was clueless when it came to women

Affection

Ivar x fem!slave!reader

Summary: Reader helps Ivar prove that Margrethe was wrong about him.

Redemption

Ivar × reader

Truth or Dare

Warnings: ivar being insecure, drinking, brief mentions of sex, kissing

Rumors aren’t Always True

Ivar x Slave!Reader

Summary: When rumors start to spread that Ivar can’t satisfy a woman, you decide to put his mind and ease and show him that it’s not true

Right Beside You

Ivar x thrall!Reader

Series: Imagine being ivar’s slave

Summary: Your first journey to England. Ivar took you with him to avange the dead of his father with the great heathen army. But you are afraid, the feelings he putted there maked you that ... afraid to lose him. What if he never came back? What if you never would feel his touch again?

SOLD! (TO IVAR)

IMAGINE BEING SOLD TO IVAR BY YOUR DESPERATE MOTHER.

I Can Be Your Biggest Fan

Ivar the Boneless x slave!Reader

Summary: You are a slave and have been most of your life but because of this you got the chance to meet the most handsome man you’d ever seen...cripple or not.

Proving Worth

Ivar x fem!Reader

A Gift From Thor

Ivar the Boneless x healer!Reader

Description: You are a Viking healer, who travels the world to learn all healing techniques. After an unfortunate tumble from a ship you get lost at sea. As Valhalla becomes more certain you pray to Thor for love and boy does he deliver.

The Wanderer - Part 1

Ivar x fem!shield-maiden!Reader

Valkyrie - Part 2

Ivar x fem!Reader

Summary: You meet Ivar again after a battle.

Fate - Part 3

Ivar x wife!Reader

Summary: wedding night

Healing Hands

2 Parts

Summary: your mom was ivar’s healer but after she dies it’s up to you to help ivar

A Proposal

4 Part Series

Summary: Ivar and reader share a moment, but are separated by miscommunication

Series: Pain

Ivar x Reader

Summary: You’re the only one Ivar will allow to see him when he’s in pain thanks to his legs. But when you tell him that he’s your best friend, you stir up a new kind of pain in his heart.

The Girl Ivar Loves

[Incomplete Series]

Summary: When you lose your parents and other arrangements fall through, you find yourself living with the Ragnarssons in their cabin. Much to the chagrin of Ivar who complains about you at every opportunity he gets.

The Aftermath of Intimacy

Ivar The Boneless x gn!reader

Summary: The shared moments after your intimate hours always were your favorite. His aftercare and love embraced you in Ivar's vulnerability. You loved it so much.

Take Care of Him

modern!ivar x reader

summary: heahmund takes a vacation from his physical therapy job. except he doesn’t exactly tell his most impatient patient.

@ablueeyesangel ’s Masterlist

@akamaiden ’s Ivar Masterlist

@ijustwant2write ’s Masterlist

[thatfragilecapricorn30]

dad

msr, post-deadalive canon divergence | 1.6k words | ao3  tagging @today-in-fic

When Mulder woke from the dead, the first thing he saw was Scully’s face, and the relief he felt seeing her was immense. Mulder was not only happy that she was alive and well but that she was by his side during this confusing and traumatic time. Since the beginning of their partnership, Scully had always been a calming and grounding presence, and Mulder needed that now more than ever, as he was having trouble coming to terms with what had happened to him. He didn’t have much memory beyond his abduction, but the images that did flash through his brain were not pleasant. He could only imagine what kind of counseling he was going to need to process everything, but for now, having Scully nearby was enough to get him through the short-term.

The second thing he saw was Scully’s belly. Initially, he didn’t know if he was dreaming or woozy from the drugs, but the more alert Mulder became, the more he realized that she was actually pregnant. Based on her size, at least seven to eight months had passed. If not more, because Mulder had no idea when Scully conceived or even how. Was it natural and if so, who was the father? Was it him? Or did she meet someone else while he was gone? Did she try IVF again, this time with an anonymous sperm donor? The questions made his brain – and his heart – hurt.

Luckily, they had always been good at reading each other's body language, and Scully immediately addressed the issue when she saw his eyes rove uneasily over her belly.

“It’s yours,” she said, smiling through tears that suddenly welled in her eyes. “I was pregnant when we were in Oregon. That’s why I felt sick.”

“Oh,” was all he could say. So he was the father, but what did that mean? Was he supposed to be a parent after all this? Would Scully even want him involved? He wasn’t sure if he would have been a good father before the abduction but now, he was even more fucked up. His mind whirred with more unanswered questions, and he started to feel anxious.

Scully must have noticed his overwhelm, because she leaned in close to say, “I know it’s a lot. But you don’t have to worry about anything else aside from getting better, okay?”

He nodded, his heart rate slowing when Scully carded her fingers through his hair. They would figure it all out later.

Over the next few days, Mulder slowly felt his strength return. Scully stayed by his side almost the entire time, observing the doctors and nurses, reviewing his charts, and talking about what had happened during the eight months he was missing and then dead. She stuck to work topics: her new partner at the FBI and the cases they investigated. He couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable she was sitting in a plastic chair all day, but she never gave a hint of discomfort. Mulder did force her to leave at night so she could sleep in a real bed and so that he could have some time to think, which was mostly about Scully carrying his baby and what that would mean for his life. The more he considered it, the more he realized that he wanted to be a dad and be a part of the baby's life. It wasn't like he had never contemplated this issue before. When he had agreed to donate sperm for Scully's IVF, he was ready to take on the responsibility of a child. Even though that seemed like lifetimes ago, Mulder would never abandon Scully and their baby. He was even looking forward to having a purpose in life that wasn't searching for his sister or extraterrestrial life. But he also wanted to make sure Scully was on the same page.

On the third day of recovery, he finally got the nerve to ask her.

“Scully? Can we talk about the baby?”

Scully looked up from the medical journal she was reading and then put it aside so she could move her chair closer to Mulder’s bed.

She immediately starting talking, “Mulder, before you say anything, I just want you to know that I’m fully aware an eight-month pregnancy is a lot to wake up to, especially in your condition. So, I understand if you need time to think or consider. With everything that’s going on, there’s no pressure from me at all. I’m just so happy you’re here.”

She seemed like she was going to keep going, so Mulder interrupted, “I want to.”

Scully looked surprised. “You want to?”

“I want to be involved. If you'll have me,” he added.

Scully’s pursed lips turned into a real smile. If he could still manage to make her happy, then everything really was going to be alright.

“Okay, great,” she whispered, looking like she was going to cry again.

“Do you have a picture or a, a –“ he couldn’t remember the word but Scully filled it in for him.

“An ultrasound? Yes, I do.” She pulled a folded photo from her purse and handed it to him.

It was a black and white scan and while he secretly thought it looked like a blob, that was his child. He stared at it for a while, tracing the baby with one finger. The ultrasound was well-worn, like it had been in Scully’s purse for a while.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” he asked.

“You can’t tell?” Scully asked mischievously.

“Scully, you’re the doctor. No offense but this really does look like a alien.”

“Well, then you’re just going to have to wait to find out,” she said with a laugh, plucking the ultrasound out of his hands to prove the point.

“Wait, can I keep that?” Mulder asked, sounding shy to himself.

Scully stopped folding the photo and smoothed it back out. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry." She handed it back to him. "You’ll have to come to the next appointment and hear the heartbeat.”

Mulder could think of nothing better.

After Mulder was released from the hospital, he became Scully’s worst nightmare. Well, she never said that or gave any indication that he was annoying her, but he must have been. Mulder spent most of his time at her apartment, reading every baby book he could get his hands on (luckily Scully had quite a few) and helping her with chores. In his defense, Scully was pregnant and shouldn’t be doing laundry or dishes or grocery shopping. She didn’t seem to mind having a shadow, which was strange because the old Scully would have kicked him out way more often so she could have some alone time. But pregnancy made Scully shockingly serene: she answered all of his questions, tolerated his fussing, and reminded him frequently how happy she was that he was back.

Mulder didn’t know what to make of it.

The only time he was really apart from her was when he went to counseling twice a week. He had to fudge some of the details of his disappearance and death to the counselor, but he felt like the therapy was helping.

Mulder went to one last ultrasound appointment and heard the baby’s heartbeat, which he thought was spectacular.

When Scully’s water broke, everything became real and the panic set in. He rushed around trying to make sure they had everything, wondering if they needed to call an ambulance. Scully stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Mulder, it’s fine. We have plenty of time to get to the hospital.”

She went to the closet to grab the hospital bag that she had clearly packed awhile ago. “You’re supposed to be the one calming me down,” she said, with a knowing look.

“Sorry,” Mulder apologized sheepishly. “You know that’s not my strong suit.”

Mulder drove them both to the hospital. He didn’t break any speeding laws or run any red lights, though it was tempting. Scully had a few contractions in the car, which was distressing, moreso to Mulder, and he wanted to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible.

He was there the whole time Scully labored and let her squeeze his hand during all of the contractions and pushing. He had forgotten how strong she was and wouldn't be surprised if he came out of his experience with sprained bones. Mulder had never witnessed a birth before and found the whole process incredible. His son or daughter was about to make their entrance into the world and he would be right there for it.

The doctor delivered the baby – a boy, which Mulder could now recognize – and immediately handed him to Scully to hold. Their son screamed and cried and Mulder was impressed how something so tiny could make so much noise. After a few minutes, a nurse whisked the baby away to be cleaned up and weighed.

“What do you think?” Scully asked, smiling up at him. She looked tired but so beautiful.

“It was amazing. You were amazing,” Mulder exclaimed.

The nurse brought the baby back, now swaddled in a blanket and wearing a little newborn cap. She handed him to Scully.

“Do you want to hold him, Dad?” Scully held the baby out to him, so trusting that he could handle this new role. Mulder didn’t know when the last time he held a baby was. Maybe it was when Samantha was born. But Scully – his little skeptic – believed in him. Believed he could be a good dad. Believed that they could be a family. He gently took their son into his arms and cradled him against his chest. The love he felt for this new person was overwhelming. The love he felt for Scully was overwhelming. He was so lucky to get another chance at life, and at a family. Before he knew it, there were tears running down his cheek.

“Oh, Mulder,” Scully sighed. She reached for him, so Mulder sat next to her on the bed and they admired the miracle that was their son.

[kiris-wife]

busted | ao'nung + sully brothers

summary: ao'nung and sully!reader have been in a secret relationship for a while, sneaking out late at night to see each other. when her siblings start to suspect something is going on between them, they put their sister in a little embarrassing situation. see the request here!

genre(s): humor ig, a lil bit of fluff

warnings: just siblings being nosy as always :p protective big bro teyam, lo'ak is really goofy in this, also reader is his twin bc why not

when you first met ao'nung, you hated him. he was constantly bothering you and your siblings and getting you into trouble. but as the months passed, the metkayina was slowly becoming more and more tolerable; wich eventually led to you becoming friends, and later on, something more.

exchanging meaningful looks that only you and him seemed to notice, smiles between conversations and slight touches in front of your friends soon became something common between the two teenagers. but of course people were gonna find out sooner or later.

the first one to notice was you older brother, neteyam. at first the boy thought he was just imagining things — there was no way his baby sister was getting involved with him, out of all people. even if ao'nung has changed his manners towards your family, the omaticaya couldn't seem to let the grudge go.

then, lo'ak used to wake up in the middle of the night to you silently sneaking away to eywa-knows-where and staying until dawn, returning before your parents woke up. he didn't care at first, but when your escapades became more and more frequent, he knew something was up.

"shes gotta be with him, bro. there's no way this is a coincidence! we have to do something." your twin has been annoying neteyam all morning with this since he mentioned that you and ao'nung seemed closer than normal, remembering lo'ak of your outings in the dead of night. soon they realized: their sister was in a relationship.

"what do you me want to do? this is none of our business, lo'ak. she'll tell us when she's ready."

"come on. stop pretending you're not dying to know if they're really dating!" he smiled mid sentence. the thought of you getting a partner before him and neteyam was really funny to lo'ak. "i can see it in your eyes! you're jealous!"

"fine. we'll follow her next time to see if she's really meeting him. and for the record, i'm not jealous. just worried."

and then, they waited. lo'ak kept himself awake until late at night, pretending to be asleep, to see if you were going to leave — he was really invested in this. but for a few days, you stayed in the family's house. it was almost like you were suspecting them. but of course your brothers weren't going to give up so easily: lo’ak was always so nosy when it came to your personal life, and even though neteyam wouldn't admit, he really wanted to know if you really were dating, maybe even more than your twin.

but one night, it happened. trying to be as quiet as possible, you get up and direct yourself to the entrance, sneaking out without anyone noticing — at least that's what you thought. but as soon as you closed the marui, lo'ak quickly sat down and woke up the older boy.

"bro. wake up. wake up! she's leaving." he said violently shaking neteyam, not even worrying with the volume of his voice.

"what the- be quiet! you will end up getting us all into trouble."

"sorry. let's follow her before she goes too far, let's go!"

meanwhile, you made your way to the rocks near the sea, your boyfriend already waiting for you; he always got out of home first so he didn't have to make you wait. arriving earlier than you expected, you couldn't shake this terrible feeling that you were being watched, making you walk faster than you normally do. the taller one noticed the change in your movements from far away and the worried expression on your face, pulling you closer to him once you got where he was.

ao'nung gave a gentle kiss on your lips before asking: "is everything ok, my love? you look bothered.”

you felt you heart melt with the nickname — he always knew how to make you flustered without even trying. that's what you loved the most about your boyfriend: he was always so caring and sweet with you, completely destroying the view you had from him months ago. hiding your face in the crook of his neck, you shake you head in response. there was no need to worry him with this, after all, you must've been imagining things. "are you sure? you seem pretty tense."

"i just have this odd feeling that i'm being watched. but it's nothing, really. my mind must be playing tricks on me."

he looked around for a moment before turning his attention back to you. "it must be. let's sit down?"

...

“they just kissed! gross!” lo’ak said in a whisper. “imagine when dad finds out! he's gonna throw a tantrum. his precious little girl is finally dating!”

“shut up, skxawng. they're going to hear us. we need to get closer, i can barely see or hear anything.”

“oh? what did you say a few days ago again? ‘she's going to tell us when she's ready! what do you want me to do?’ you're such a bad liar, brother.”

giving lo’ak a playful smack on the shoulder, neteyam got a few steps closer to you, being careful to not be seen.

laying your head on his lap while he gently caressed your hair, you were telling ao’nung everything about the forest and how you used to love ikran racing, going out with your sisters to collect different plants and fruits, climbing trees and and how beautiful the hallelujah montains were. but there was something your brothers couldn't see — the way he looked at you. like you were the most beautiful na’vi in pandora; ao’nung was absolutely smitten with you, from the way you talked to the way you smiled. he surely was in love, his softer side reserved only for you.

he leaned in closer to your face to give you a peck on the lips. but a peck turned into two, and two turned into three. soon, you were passionately kissing under the moonlight, butterflies taking over your stomach.

“ew. should we confront them? this is getting awkward. they're eating each other's faces.”

abruptly getting up, your older brother made his way to you without thinking twice. lo’ak far behind him, trying to contain the laughter that was begging to be let out. there was no way in hell he would let you forget this moment.

“hey! what do you think you're doing with my sister, fish lips?”

oh eywa.

“neteyam? lo’ak- what are you doing here?” you couldn't believe your eyes; did your brothers seriously follow you all this way here just to spy on you? “i can't believe this. i'm going to murder you! for how long have you been here?”

“long enough to know there's something between you and fish lips! and you didn't even tell us, y/n… i thought we told each other everything. i'm hurt!” now lo’ak was just making fun of you. feeling your cheeks heat up you gave ao’nung a quick “im sorry” glance, wich he responded with an awkward smile.

“hey, pretty boy. i was talking to you. what are your intentions with her?”

“neteyam. no. you're not doing this right now! leave!”

everything was a chaos. you couldn't contain your frustration anymore, your brother asking a million questions to ao’nung while you tried to make him stop, lo’aks laugher echoing in the back of your mind. “stop! stop, all of you!”

the raise of your voice was unexpected, the boys getting quiet all at once. “you two. come with me. we're going home before we wake up the whole village. or even worse: our parents notice our absence. wait for me right there.” you said pointing to the place they were before.

“you don't-"

“neteyam. now. you don't want us to get in trouble, do you?” he grumbled something you didn't quite catch and left, pulling a very entertained lo’ak by the arm.

you lowered your voice just in case they could hear you. “baby… i'm sorry about them. eywa, i can't decide if i want to kill myself or those two!”

“it's fine. your family was always a little crazy. i guess you took after them.”

“what? i'm the most normal one there!” you laughed. at least he wasn't mad about this. giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, you left. “i’ll see you when the sun rises i guess.”

“see you later.”

now your attention was aimed towards the two idiots that you called your brothers. getting closer to them with each step you took, your anger only got bigger. “what is wrong with you guys? spying on me, embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend, sneaking out! if dad finds out we're dead! all of us!”

“so you admit that he is your boyfriend!” you gave lo’ak a flick on the head. “skxawng. i could kill you both right now!”

the walk back home was silent for the most part — you were fuming with anger. only when you were getting closer to home, neteyam broke the ice:

“i don't like him.”

“good thing i'm the one dating him, not you.”

silence again.

“guys.” you turned your head to lo’ak. “i'm y/n’s twin. do you think he's attracted to me too? since we have the same face and all.” you wanted to smack away the mischievous smile on his face.

“that's gross. please don't ever say this again!” now you couldn't help but laugh. how could he be such an idiot?

of course you couldn't be mad at them forever — they might be nosy and annoying, but you were still family. and the sullys always stick together.

authors note: ok so this is not ao'nung centered at all oops! i don't know if i managed to do exactly what the anon asked but i swear i tried my best with this one... also him and lo'ak are a pain in the ass to write.

likes + reblogs are appreciated ♡

[nekrosdolly]

albert wesker hcs pt.3

guys... i'm sorry i'm so obsessed with re1 wesker... but these are for re1 wesker...

cw; cigarettes, lighters, william birkin mentions, alcohol mentions, s.t.a.r.s AND umbrella mentions WHOAAAA, debunking rebesker, rebecca chambers mention, kissing!, a peak into wesker's backstory, if you don't know his backstory please read his wiki page im begging you.

a/n; reader's job is unspecified so how y'all meet is really up to you!

✰ albert smokes. that's no surprise, really. he likes menthols- his preference is marlboro blue 100's, but he keeps a pack of marlboro black reds around too. doesn't like bic lighters, only uses the zippo lighter he was given (thanks Umbrella.)

✰ he meal preps for the week, cleans as he cooks so there's less of a mess after. he tries to clean every few days as his apartment can get disorganized just as quickly as it's cleaned.

✰ speaking of his apartment…

✰ mahogany cabinets, dark granite countertops, with typical white paint on the walls. nothing too expensive, he still has to keep up the appearance of being a normal citizen and not an Umbrella employee. The floors are cheap linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom wood everywhere else. he has minimal furniture- a couch, a bookshelf, a television on a boring black coffee table. his bed is a full, the sheets black and made of inexpensive material.

✰ he's hardly home except to grab food and sleep, so what more does he need than what he already has? zero pictures hanging up, nothing to make it feel like a real home except for the occasional hint of life.

✰ drinks semi-regularly. he likes wines and whiskeys, not so much frothy or carbonated drinks i.e. beers or seltzers. if he's offered a cocktail, he'll take it.

✰ he does try to maintain a relativley okay relationship with the s.t.a.r.s alpha team so he doesn't come off as suspicious, even if he seriously dislikes group outings. once a month, they go out for drinks. he doesn't stay long, just enough to get by without revealing too much about himself.

✰ contrary to popular belief, he doesn't have a thing for rebecca. they had a similar educational experience. he graduated highschool and went to college at an early age, just like she did. they share similarities and he finds that he can talk to her with ease, but he doesn't find himself attracted to her. not to mention that she's eighteen- he has morals.

✰ when you come into his life, he's not expecting it in the slightest. hardly anything catches him off guard, but you, you do something to him. you're not a match on the intellectual level and that's fine, he likes being the one to educate you on certain topics. he likes talking to you because you make him feel good without trying. the ease at which you offer your attention to him is something he should expect, but it's different with you. he's not giving you orders or lecturing you- you're just talking, and you like it, no less.

✰ it's a slow burn despite his clear affection for you, which he wasn't hoping to gain initially. it's not his fault that you're so pretty- just his type, no less- and so nice to him. you always smell good and you're put-together in your appearance. he loves that he can simply say whatever around you and how you nod along, giving him your full attention. he drinks it, gets drunk on it, and saves it for later.

✰ maybe he imagines you in the dead of night to help him sleep. wonders what pajamas you wear, if any, to sleep and how you'd feel pressed firmly against him while snuggling. he dreams of coming home to you after a long day, resting his head in your lap as you talk to him about what happened at work. your fingers thread through his hair, bringing a sense of calm to him.

✰ sometimes he wakes up and thinks you're there. he'll pat the mattress blindly until he realizes that no, he's not living the dream because if he were, you'd be lying next to him.

✰ at umbrella, he's just as determined as he is with his s.t.a.r.s team. he's a brilliant virologist- there's a reason he was employed when he was 17. he's the head researcher for the t-virus project and for the tyrant project, the latter being his own work. he helped william with developing the g-virus as well. he tells william about you. after all, william is the closest friend he has, so why would they not confide in each other?

✰ it's william who tells albert to go for it, to tell you how he feels.

✰ albert listens to classical for the most part. given he grew up when nu-wave was picking up, he listens to some of that, too. think depeche mode. not a big fan of the cure. enjoys the smiths (just like me fr.) he likes piano-centric music and some "dad" rock (as you call it.)

✰ he likes kissing you anywhere and everywhere. in his office, in the car (parked! no unsafe driving for him), taking a walk, while he's smoking, drinking, what have you.

✰ he doesn't let his feelings for you get in the way of work, however tempting it may be. sure, he thinks about you on his lunches and texts you when he can, but out of sight, out of mind. he's committed to his career(s) and though you're important to him, his work is more important. he's married to his work, but so is everyone who works at umbrella. he was manufactured for this, which is why he's there so much. why you two grow apart faster than he'd expected, and even while your relationship crumbles, he's working as much as ever.

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Dreaming of You (Larissa Weems x f!Reader)

Synopsis: You've been dealing with prophetic dreams your whole life, but when a certain face keeps popping up, you find her in an unexpected place

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of car accidents, mentions of being disowned, swearing, lil bit of smutty stuff

You’d been plagued by odd dreams for as long as you could remember. It had taken a long time to realise exactly how odd they were. You’d see things happening in your dreams weeks or months in advance of your waking life, leading you live in an almost constant state of deja vu. Telling your parents, they’d been brushed off, considered nothing more than an overactive imagination.

That was, until you’d dreamt about your father’s death. You saw it playing out in front of you, the car speeding towards him, out of control, weaving over the road, the impact of the hood against his body, bouncing over the top, left for dead on the road. You’d woken up screaming, images of his blood pooling on asphalt stuck in your brain.

Two months later he was dead.

You hadn’t ever expected your mother to lay the blame of his death at your feet. She’d accused you of causing it, of being a witch, of bringing this all down on her. She’d sent you away to live with a distant aunt.

You’d never spoken about your dreams to her.

Instead, you’d immersed yourself on the internet, doing as much research as possible. You’d gone down rabbit holes, chasing ghosts of people who might be like you. So much of it was bullshit. Until you stumbled across a mention of Nevermore on an old forum many years later.

That was the night the dreams started.

Fingers tangled in silver hair between your legs, tongue lapping at your entrance, pleasure building. You awoke with a gasp on your lips and a throbbing between your legs.

Every night since then you dreamt of the same woman, sometimes gloriously naked, sometimes between your thighs, sometimes smiling at you or laughing. Every single time you woke with an ache in your heart and a need you couldn’t express in words. More often than not you woke unsatisfied, your hand not nearly as welcome as the woman in your dreams.

No name, no clue of who she was or where you might find her, the dreams plagued you in your waking life. Glimpses of your future, still out of reach, but so desperately wanted.

Continuing your search you found Nevermore’s website. A school. You hadn’t been expecting that, but you watched and waited, for what, you didn’t know. This, you knew, was where you were meant to be. It felt right.

It was a gloomy morning when the notice went live. A teaching position had opened up, calling for someone with an understanding of the divine. You sent in your application, knowing it was a long shot, and waited.

All of which led to you standing in front of the door to Principal Weems’ office on your first day as the new teacher. You’d flown through the interview, accepted the position, and moved to Vermont.

You raised your fist, knocking on the wooden door. A woman’s voice called out, asking you to enter. With a deep breath you pushed the door open, stepping over the threshold into the warm office, and froze.

Seated behind the desk, looking up expectantly at you, was the woman from your dreams. Your breath caught. Even if she wasn’t your future, you’d want her to be. Such beauty had no business existing in the world. Your heart was already yearning for her.

“Welcome, “she said standing from the desk. You could have collapsed there.

You walked over as if in a daze. She held her hand out to you and you took it, the first brush of skin sending an electric current through you. You knew that touch, knew what those fingers would be capable of. You were ready to drop to your knees in front of her.

She said your name, the sound of it enough to steal your breath. You’d heard that voice say it, moan it, scream it as you brought her pleasure. You’d heard her whisper it into your skin, heard her caress it with untamed love, heard her say it with a laugh. You wanted her to keep saying it until you came undone in front of her.

“I’ve heard you have premonitions of the future,” she said, retaking her seat, gesturing for you to take one of the chairs in front of the desk. You lowered yourself on wobbly knees, doing your best not to show how much you were trembling.

“Yes, dreams mostly, although I’ve had success with tarot and crystal balls,” you replied.

“I suppose you saw yourself teaching here,” she said with a smile.

“Only metaphorically,” you said, “no premonitions, just a wish.”

“Indeed?” Her brow raised.

“I haven’t met others like me before,” you said, “or at least not that I know of.”

“Yes, some abilities are not as obvious as others,” she said, “I’m glad to have you on our staff.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ve been informed you’ve already been shown to your quarters,” she said, “I must apologise. I usually try to do the introduction. However, a student left a rather unfortunate surprise in the kitchen we were unaware of until now.”

“Kids will be kids,” you said with a shrug. The thought of her showing you the room you’d be sleeping in was too much. Her and a bed being the same room would lead your mind down a dangerous path of memories.

“Yes, quite,” she said, “well, if you have any issues, please do not hesitate to call on me. I look forward to seeing your work.”

She stood, offering her hand again. You took it, hoping the shiver could be played off as nerves. Her eyes swept over you and you wondered what she saw.

You scurried out before she could look deeper, not wanting her to see what your dreams had shown you. You hadn’t been expecting that when you’d sought out Nevermore. You hadn’t known to prepare for it.

If you’d hoped for a reprieve from your dreams now you’d met the woman, you were sorely mistaken. Every kiss, every touch was burned into your brain, still following you in your waking hours. You could barely look at her without heat filling your cheeks and wetness collecting between your thighs.

On the last night before the students were scheduled to arrive you found yourself watching the sunset out over the water, legs swinging from the dock. Your head was tilted back as you let the cool breeze wash over your skin. A particularly wonderful dream was replaying in your head, one that didn’t leave a throbbing need between your thighs for once.

“You look rather peaceful.”

You jumped, having not heard anyone approach, so caught up in your thoughts. You blinked, turning to look up at the familiar towering figure. You hadn’t been avoiding her, per se. You were just never sure what to say around her.

“I didn’t expect it to be so beautiful here,” you replied, turning back to the sunset.

“You truly didn’t see Nevermore in a premonition?” You could feel her approaching you.

“No I…” She was making it hard to think, “I found the website online. It felt right, me being here.”

“I hope you continue to feel that way.”

You weren’t expecting her to drop down beside you, legs dangling off the pier, arm brushing against yours. It was the closest she’d gotten to you since your arrival, her floral perfume wrapping around you in a way that was familiar, and yet so much better than your dreams. You held yourself still, worried you’d lean into her if you didn’t.

“I’ve been hearing reports from other staff members that you’re settling in well,” she said, “that you’re a kind and conscientious team member. You appear to be fitting in well.”

“I’m trying.” You weren’t sure what else to say.

“It makes me wonder if I’ve done something wrong.”

You turned to look at her. Her blue eyes had lost their sparkle, and her lips were turned down. You hadn’t seen that look before, not in all your months of dreaming about her.

“How would you have done something wrong?” you asked.

“I don’t know. That’s why I thought I’d ask,” she replied.

“Of course you haven’t.” You shook your head, turning your gaze down to your fingers twisting together in your lap. You were already messing up your future.

“You treat me differently from the rest of the staff. You’re more distant with me.”

You didn’t bother disagreeing with her.

“Have you seen something that’s going to happen involving me?” she asked instead.

You felt your cheeks burn and your eyes darted up to her. She tilted her head at your reaction, leaning closer as her gaze swept over you.

“You have.” She didn’t need you to confirm it.

“It’s nothing bad,” you said, “or, at least, I hope you don’t think it’s bad. Come to think of it, it might not be welcome news. This is why I don’t often tell people what I see. They react badly, usually. But it’s not bad. I haven’t seen anything bad about you.”

“When did you have this dream about me?” She looked at you intently.

“Does it matter?” At least she thought it was only one dream.

“I’d like to know,” she said.

“Seven months ago,” you said.

“You told me you’d never had a premonition about Nevermore,” she said.

“I didn’t know you were Nevermore.”

You chanced a glance over at her. She was watching you and you could almost see the gears turning in her head. Your eyes flicked down to her lips, then away again, cheeks heating. You wondered if you’d ever be able to look at her without the flutter of your heart. Your dreams were saying no.

“What happened in this dream?”

You shook your head.

“I don’t think I should say,” you replied, “not everyone appreciates knowing what’s to come.”

“I’m asking.”

You took a deep breath in, turning to look at her properly. The words were ready on your tongue, ready to spill out. She was watching you with a soft look on her face, expectant and open. You could have melted right there.

“Please?”

You surged forward, grasping her face between both hands. You kissed her hard. She froze and you drew back. Your heart thudded in your throat and your eyes widened. Terror flooded your veins.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

You got to your feet, spinning around, and doing your best to flee. A strong hand grasped your wrist, tugging you back. You tried to pull free but she only held on tighter.

“I’m so sorry,” you said again.

“I’m rather flattered,” she said and you braced yourself for a reprimand, “but I’m afraid that didn’t answer my question.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, still facing away from her. You couldn’t bare to look at her as you told her, spilling your secrets at her feet, hoping for mercy.

“I have been dreaming about you every night for seven months. Every. Single. Night. And we are clearly more than friends in them. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you but every time I look at you I, the afterimages of those dreams are there. It makes it so difficult to keep my train of thought around you. And there’s no way it would be this difficult if you weren’t to fucking beautiful. It’s driving me crazy.”

The silence in the wake of your confession was deafening. You tried to pull out of her hand again but she was still holding on.

“Look at me.” She sounded breathless, “please.”

You slowly turned, scared to see what she’d do. Slowly dragging your eyes up to her face, you couldn’t help the way your heart skipped a beat. Her face was so soft, so full of wonder, cracked open to show the light inside her. There was a small smile curling the corner of her lips and her eyes were sparkling.

“I’m not expecting anything from you,” you said, “the future isn’t written in stone. It doesn’t have to go like that.”

“Darling.” Oh, that pet name would get you into trouble, “how about you kiss me again and we see what happens?”

You gaped at her. You had no idea how to respond. All you wanted to do was kiss her again.

“Darling?” She raised an eyebrow at you.

You reached up, hand cupping the back of her neck, pulling her down. The first brush of lips was questioning, needing to know this is what she wanted. Her hands grasped your hips, pulling you towards her.

She deepened the kiss, her tongue sweeping into your mouth. You moaned at her taste, knees turning to jelly. You should have known that she would be phenomenal at this, all your dreams pointing towards it. Her teeth sunk into your bottom lip. You gasped into her mouth, holding her tighter, wanting to thread your fingers through her hair but scared of ruining how perfectly she’d styled it.

You were gasping for breath when she drew away. Her perfect lipstick was smeared and her eyes were smouldering. Your fingers gently touched her kiss swollen lips, ghosting over them. You’d never seen something so beautiful.

“Perhaps you’d like to have dinner with me tonight,” she suggested, drawing back until you were no longer sharing the same air.

“Yeah.” You nodded, “yeah I’d like that.”

She began to walk towards the school, giving you a wonderful view. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from her swaying hips.

“Oh, and darling.” She turned back to look at you over her shoulder, “I hope you know I’m planning on having you for dessert.”

Your mouth fell open before you chased after her back to the school.

[muldermuse]

So all the fluffy imagines always have a big strong man comforting you. Now, switch it up why don’t you say? Imagine you hear Fox crying or yelling in a dream and go and comfort him. Preferably reader being she/her because I think the swapping of gender roles is cute

FIRST TIME WRITING FOX IN LIKE 6 MONTHS LETS GOOO

(Also this isn’t much sorry���️)

After so many years of chasing monsters, it’s no wonder that Fox is prone to suffer from night terrors. sometimes it can be after long exhausting trips across the country and it can also be when he’s had a relaxing day milling around the house with you: helping you bake and stealing quick kisses

You can never predict when it will happen and the first few times, you’re nervous as hell but you quickly learns what works to help him.

It’s the dead of night when you feel him shaking next to you, he tries to reach for a glass of water to calm his nerves but his quaking hands cause the glass to slip onto the floor (thankfully, not smashing). You hear a shuddering breath escape him and you can tell he’s trying to calm his breathing- he’s trying to calm himself down without worrying you. 

You turn around and press a calming kiss to his damp forehead. Your hand rubbing his shoulder soothingly, prompting him to rest his head on your chest. His breathing starts to regulate as some tears start to flow. He’s through the worst of it, each time he remembers he has you it gets a little bit easier. You’re grounding him, hearing your heartbeat loud and clear confirms his safety to him. 

You’re soft and smell so distinctly like you, he lets the tears continue and holds you tighter. Your voice is soothing like a cold towel on a sweltering day and your nails lightly rake through his thick brown hair. 

“You’re okay, we’re safe at home. May is safe. Boo is downstairs sleeping.” You say it every few minutes. 

He speaks later, his voice thick with emotion, “I’m so sorry, thank you for that”. His eyes are puffy from the tears and he looks exhausted- emotionally and physically. 

You quietly pad downstairs, careful not to wake your sleeping cat and sleeping daughter, to make Fox a decaf coffee. The warmth of the mug helps to bring him down, you put your Seinfeld VHS on the crackly TV in the bedroom, letting the slapping bass and laugh track fill the air. 

Eventually he lets out a deep breath, he feels calm. He’s safe. 

[elliespassagerprincess]

𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫: 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

This story is not based off a song! It’s my own little idea :)

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: Jackson!ellie x fem reader

Remember requests are always open! Feel free to leave one!

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: mentions of death, suicide, overall depressing themes

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: What’s the point of living, if you aren’t by her side?

Ellie lay on her back with her eyes closed. The sun shining on her pale and freckled skin. She hummed at the feeling of the grass scraping against her arms. The soft sound of water gushing could be heard from below her, as the two of you lay on a hill, she couldn’t be happier. She was away from Jackson. Away from everything and everyone. And the love of her life lay next to her. Ellie smiled softly just thinking of you. This is what she has always wanted. To be with you, in a beautiful place far away from everything. She loved you more than anything. All Ellie wanted to do is keep you safe, and moving as far away from people and most living things was the best option in her eyes. The safest option. If the two of you were this far away from any infected and people you both would be safe.

Ellie’s thoughts of keeping you safe were interrupted by a soft whisper of her name. She turned her head to look at you, and you were already looking at her. Ellie gave you a soft smile, taking in your features. You’ve been together for years but fuck, you were beautiful. She wasn’t lying when she said you were the prettiest girl she had ever seen. Every time she looked at you, was like she’s seeing you for the first time all over again. She always wondered how she got lucky by getting someone like you. You were way out of her league.

You and Ellie lay there just looking at each other for a while, before you spoke up

“You know, you have to let go of me”

“I can’t”

“Ellie” you said, your tone sounding desperate and frustrated. You sat up and Ellie followed you by sitting up as well, you rubbed your hands across your face and you let out a sigh. Ellie gently put her hand on your shoulder.

“Please” you whispered, voice barley above whisper. “I can’t rest in peace” you continued your sentence

“You aren’t dead” Ellie said quickly

“I am”

“No you’re not” Ellie said loudly, tears running down her face as she got up and looked down at you

You looked up at her and gave her an apologetic smile “Ellie wake up”

“Baby please”

“Ellie wake up’

Ellie sat up in her bed covered in cold sweat and tears. It was dream. A fucking dream. Ellie laid back down with a huff, and turned to your side of the bed. She let out loud broken sobs as she reached out to grab your pillow and she held it to her chest sobbing.

3 months ago you and Ellie had got married. It was a beautiful ceremony, and you both were surrounded by your friends and family. It was everything Ellie dreamed of. Your wedding reminded her of all those wedding magazines she always saw when she was out on runs. She never imagined, that she would ever get married. Until she met you. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with you.

3 days after the wedding tragedy struck. Ellie hated it when you went on patrol, but they were short on people due to both Ellie and Jesse being sick. Ellie had a gut feeling that morning when she woke up. Something was wrong. But she pushed the feeling aside, not wanting to upset herself. Later that day Ellie went to the gates of Jackson to wait for you. She got into her best outfit and used some 22-year-old perfume. The high of being married has not run out yet and she planned to take you out that night. She still couldn’t believe it; you’ve been married for 3 whole days.

As Ellie made her way to the gate, paramedics were running to the gate, and her heart dropped at the sight. She saw people running to you. Your lifeless body laid there. Bruised. Bleeding. It was very obvious you were not breathing. And there was blood everywhere.

Tears fell from her eyes as she reached out to grab you, but Tommy held Ellie back as the paramedics were trying to resuscitate you.

Ellie screamed, she fought Tommy. She did everything to make him let go of her but she couldn’t, his grip was too strong.

Ellie watched as they tried. “Please baby” she begged over and over again. Broken sobs and sentences left her lips. Please just get up.  It felt like an eternity, but at some point they stood up. The paramedics gave Ellie an apologetic smile and apologized saying there was nothing they could do to save you. As soon as they said that Ellie’s world came crashing down.

As the months went by, Ellie lost herself. She doesn’t eat she doesn’t sleep. She can’t do anything but cry. She had no purpose. No one to look after. She felt worthless. Lonely. She felt lost without you. She was not going to move on. You were the only one for her. Ellie slowly walked to the bathroom, pained by all the memories this house has of you. Ellie didn’t want to live without you. There was no point.

Ellie spent that day with her family. And she was happy. Content. She made a choice. And she was happy with her decision. As she bid her goodbyes, the Millers watched her walk home.

“Don’t you think she was a little too happy?” Joel asked concerned about Ellie’s behavior.

“No, I don’t think so” Maria commented

 “Just be happy for her she’s healing” she added

Joel just nodded Maria’s words. There was definitely something wrong with Ellie.

Ellie laid on her side of the bed holding your pillow. She smiled at a picture of you, that was on the wall. Ellie’s eyes drifted from the photo, to an empty pill bottle.

“I’ll join you soon baby” she whispered.

“Not even death can separate us”

And those were the last words Ellie Williams ever said.

Her body was found two days later. As sad as it was, Joel knew how much she loved you. He knew she wouldn’t be able to live without you. All Joel hopes, is that if there is a god out there, that he put you two together. That you and Ellie spent eternity together. Because that’s all Ellie wanted. Ellie wanted to be with you forever. No matter who or what it takes, no matter who she had to hurt, she was going to be with you forever.

Authors note: Thank you so much for reading! Remember you are loved and to always spread kindness. If you have any requests or ideas feel free to let me know!

Yours truly,

Zia:)

[chitsangenthusiast]

for awhile now i've been craving to do a fic/scene to this song but no earthly clue how to write it where it adequately matches the energy of the song and isn't a song fic

so imagine with me: marine biologist sokka, famous rocker zuko, and a night of karaoke

——

naturally, their entire thing starts with a concert.

zuko's playing in his home city, and all sokka needs to do is take an hour train in to see one of his favorite bands. easy enough, he's made the same commute countless times, and absolutely worth it, even if it means he's going alone when no one else's schedules line up to be able to tag along.

except the forecasted snow hits harder than it was supposed to during the concert, putting any outbound trains out of commission as well as any hopes for an uber willing to drive him the hour back to home. it's bad enough that he wouldn't risk asking his friends to come out to him, especially not katara, who was already on call tonight and whose probability of going into work just sky rocketed.

which means: a hotel. which means: he's pissed, and if he's going to be unexpectedly forced to spend the money to stay a night in the city then he's at least going to go waste more money and get blasted at a local dive bar he knows.

the older couple sitting next to him who he'd been commiserating with get up to brave the weather at the exact moment zuko walks in.

(the next morning, sokka wakes up to the distant sounds of zuko saying he got late check-out for him, then again to an empty room and a phone number scrawled onto the hotel note pad laying next to his dead phone.)

//fast forward, where zuko is trying to enjoy lunch with his friends in the city, except the paparazzi are relentless. but fate had granted it to be a beautiful day, with the bay sparkling invitingly, and one of the best seafood places happens to be on the route to sokka's favorite lunch spot.

they make eye contact across the street, and zuko pursues.

//fast forward, through several more nights spent together, several more paparazzi issues, a classic airport scene, the kiss that finally seals the deal.

//linger on the moment when zuko sneaks into a conference sokka is attending. the one with an importance that had been alluded to for the past month, where sokka even refused to schedule anything together in the two weeks leading up to it, the one where he laughed at the idea of zuko attending it as a show of support, but also hadn't explicitly stated he didn't want him to find a way to get in.

so zuko does, and he finds out that what sokka had vaguely described as a podium presentation was actually the keynote speech, given to a packed auditorium.

zuko knew sokka was smart, but he didn't know he was 'on the fast track to being renowned in his field' smart.

(it's hot, all that easy intelligence and confidence as he watches sokka just totally in his element. he jokes to mai later that he can't believe he fell in love to a total nerd.)

//linger on how, once he's said it out loud, the thought never leaves his mind.

//fast forward to (finally) karaoke night. sokka can sing, but zuko's never succeeded in getting him to sing along to one of his songs, despite sokka's unabashed proclamations of how big of a fan he is. until tonight (thank you katara and ty lee), and—oh.

oh.

zuko had encouraged him by saying he'd provide back up vocals (it's fun to watch sokka squirm at the idea of singing along with the lead singer of the song he's about to perform), and sokka declared he's going to face the tv the entire time to avoid seeing ty lee's phone bc of course she's recording to some social media live—

he forgets about the camera halfway through, forgets their friends are even in the room despite their cheering, because he loves this song, loves the theatrics, and he'll be damned if he doesn't do it full justice like he does every time he sings it. especially when he whips around, caught up in the vocals and the dramatic sway of his performance, and catches sight of zuko on the couch, microphone fully forgotten in his lap as he stares wide-eyed and open-mouthed at him.

sokka is hitting every note, every emotion that the song demands. he's doing perfect, he is perfect, and when he sidles close enough zuko can't help but cling to his legs, desperate and breathless as he stares up at him, utterly enraptured. he yanks on sokka's belt loops, tries to pull him down, an unconscious action fueled more by his pounding heart than any desire to end the performance—the last thing he wants is to end this—but sokka doesn't indulge him until the very end, during the small space of a breath right before the last few lines.

"together bound in madness," he sings, shakier then zuko performs it, sweeter then he could ever make it, then bends down to kiss zuko soundly, putting as much of his everything into this kiss as he is singing zuko's song, and only sokka is able to hear the rattled gasp zuko releases when he slips his hand into his hair to cradle the back of his head.

when he pops back up to do the big finish, his hand remains nestled in zuko's hair, grounding him. he savors both the iron grip on his hips and how zuko's head lays boneless against his palm.

the last ringing note, the end of the song, and sokka barely gets in a steadying breath before zuko is frantically tugging him back down to his mouth.

in the background, simultaneously hazy and so, so clear, he hears mai: "i can't believe we just watched zuko fall in love."

and yeah. yes.

he absolutely just did.

[jaimemes]

【Boltund】 - How did you find your starter pokemon?

Oh, I think I briefly talked about this before but I can tell this story in a bit more detail!

So I've said before that we tend to have a lot of different Psychic-type Pokemon on our estate. Some are wild Pokemon that like to hang around the property, some are fosters or rescues that we take in, and some are ones that have decided to stick around and have basically become a part of the family now!

There's a herd of Espathra that will come to the property every summer or so for breeding season because they know there is less of a risk of them or their eggs being attacked. Madre usually advises us to stay away during breeding season because the males get very aggressive and territorial.

However, I was a very curious child to say the least.

So one day I wait until it's time for one of males and females to switch incubation shifts (females take the day shift, males take the night shift) to get a closer look at the eggs.

And then one of them starts hatching.

Obviously I start freaking out because what was six year old me supposed to do and this alerts the female who looks just as surprised to see me and because I didn't know the difference between a male and female yet I started BOOKING IT BACK HOME because I thought that was the daddy bird and not the mommy bird and believed I was about to be PSYCHICALLY PULVERIZED INTO PASTE.

In hindsight if that Espathra really wanted me dead then it wouldn't have mattered if I ran or not because 1) they are psychic and 2) they can sprint at almost 200 kph.

Nevertheless I make it home at the crack of dawn right as the sun starts to rise over the horizon. I come bursting into Madre's room and leap into her bed SOBBING because I think I'm about to DIE. So she quickly wakes up to confront the alleged soon-to-be cause of my imminent demise.

Imagine her surprise when, standing outside her doorframe, is a single shiny Flittle.

Later that day we went back out to return the Flittle to its mother and she was really understanding of the whole situation! Mother to mother thing I guess.

But over the next several days we would find this Flittle coming back to our home to come see me. This happened again and again and again. And every time, Madre and I would have to take it back to her mother Espathra and her siblings.

Eventually, the father Espathra started getting pissy at us coming back to the nest so often and the mother eventually had to start turning us away, probably fearing that our continued presence might affect the other chicks.

It became clear to us what had happened: the Flittle saw me when it hatched and imprinted on me, so we really couldn't release her back into the wild. We had to keep her.

Originally, the responsibility of raising this Flittle fell mostly to my mother and the Pokemon caretakers of the estate, but she would frequently be uncooperative with them: refusing to eat, trying to escape, and being a general nuisance whenever she could.

She only behaved if I was the one handling her.

So I started taking care of her (with the help of more capable adults, of course). I fed her and watched her and played with her. I was absolutely enamored by this little Flittle that sparkled like stars. She was my shining little star.

Estrella.

She officially became my Pokémon a few months later.

// ask game

[scover-va]

I love your fnaf stuff so much! And I'm very sorry if you've already covered most of this, but like- any more details on Michael post-scooping? Idc whether that be how to fits in publicly (if even possibly lol), relationships he builds, his mentality, or just important events you planned for him after the scooping! Idc if it's even an AU you have, I just love how you write Michael and would love to hear more of anything! :)

cracks my fucking knuckles oh BABEY ok this is going under a read more because i know damn well this is gonna be multiple paragraphs long. Ty anon, michael afton is my favourite topic ever

Okay so, something important to note here is that even if I choose to ignore all of Dittophobia, my au still does have Sister Location occurring after FNAF 1 - Specifically late December, so like. A month after fnaf 1. It ALSO coincides with the fnaf 3 minigames that lead up to William's death. That's a longass discussion all in itself tho so I'll probably make a follow up post on that if requested

But! Post-Scoop Mike! During the time period of Ennard inhabiting his body he was essentially unconscious for the entire ordeal. Like. Yknow how majority of the ghosts are kinda lacking some level of awareness while in the suits? Yeah. Michael doesn't really remember it, but he still remembers the time passing, so it's not just. Like. Dying on the scooping room floor, then BAM! Alive on the sidewalk. It's sorta like. Yknow those movie/show/game cutscenes where everything's vague and blurry and slow-motion and the audio is funky. Like that

When he DID get his body back, for a few minutes it was sorta like. He was back to full awareness. Noticed he could see things, and that his limbs felt heavy, and that he could hear a mix of ringing and the "You won't die" line and flies buzzing around him. The sunlight felt too bright. You know when you take one of those naps that severely fucks you up, and because of that you wake up half-numb, dizzy, and disoriented? Now imagine that but a million times worse. He's in pain everywhere, his senses are readjusting, he knows he shouldn't be able to see or hear or speak but he can do those things anyway. And he can tell that despite it being a bright, sunny day, no one's coming to his aid. So he forces himself up and painfully stumbles home.

Now, well my timeline of events between SL and 3 is a bit vague, I do have the important stuff down. He gets home, and despite not having been allowed to contact his mom since late '86 (this is important and relevant guys i prommy) and having been told she was dead, he called her anyway. Long story short, one phone call later and also lots of general, messy emotional stuff, Michael. Left the state of Utah as a whole and went and lived with his mom over in California. Because of the whole being dead thing, he did kinda unfortunately sever ties with Jeremy and Henry (aka the only two living people left he even spoke to, besides William but he's a week dead by now), but like. He wasn't really sure how he could approach those situations. A guy who's lost a bunch of cognitive and motor abilities, and a man who fell into a deep depression after his daughter's death. Michael kinda saw telling them as like. I dont really have the word for it, but he saw abandonment as the better option. Figured it'd hurt them less

When it came to fitting into public, it was essentially the same as how he blends in during fnaf 6, just with MUCH darker clothes. He likely did hide away for a while, refusing to go outside, but started slowly readjusting. He didn’t make any bonds while there (unless his mom’s adoptive parents count), mostly keeping to himself. He worked, but it was always nightshift jobs where no one else would be around.

Luckily, his hygiene has gotten MUCH better! Due to being a rotten corpse, he tends to start smelling bad and being a general safety hazard rather quickly, so typically he’ll do a thorough shower in the morning, and then another quick shower at night, just to be safe. And also he wears perfume, to avoid a smell building up. Just to be safe.

About 10 years (ish. I picked a general number so I didn’t have to pinpoint exact timing) into his 30 year disappearance, his mom does unfortunately pass. Lung cancer, turns out smoking a shit ton out of grief is a bad idea. Better than the murders, probably. It was very much so a rough time for Mike, given being in and out of a hospital (bad memories from Evan’s death and Jeremy’s near-death kept him in a constant state of anxiety during this time, not to mention those events already made him plenty anxious, paranoid, and overall jumpy when in hospitals) and then the eventual death. That’s when his goal to hunt down his dad kinda went into full swing. Because, well, that last sorta tether just snapped, so now he’s far more goal oriented.

It was probably full of him following small leads. Contacting some distant relatives of his, contacting his father’s old business partners - he kinda tried to procrastinate going back to Utah (specifically Hurricane) for as long as possible. But then news about Fazbear Frights came around, and the return kiiiinda became inevitable. Because unfortunately, it was a damn good lead. Also, once again, Michael remains friendless in this time. Outside of any possible employers or the people he contacted, he hasn’t actually properly, freely spoken to anyone since his mom or grandparents. And he kinda cut ties with his grandparents out of guilt after his mom passed.

And Fazbear Frights is. Interesting! Because as he’s used to, he has to go in to meet his employer! But what he’s not used to is seeing his estranged kinda-cousin-kinda-brother whom he hasn’t seen since they were, like, 14. Aka Sammy. It’s an incredibly awkward experience all around, despite them both having somewhat similar goals. They agree to pretend not to know each other.

Work goes, well, as it pretty much does in game. Nothing special. Probably some panic and resurfacing trauma on night 2. Anyways the fire! That’s the important part!

As one would expect, Michael was quick to get out of the fire. Wasn’t exactly hard to set it - the place is old and dirty and fucking *moldy* - he just tossed a half-smoked cigarette at some loose oil or something and the bitch was ablaze.

William (slash springtrap but im just saying william for simplicity’s sake) caught him in one of the hallways. And had the fucking *audacity* to try and plead with Michael to help him out of the building. And the kicker is that if it weren’t for survival instincts kicking in and causing Michael to topple William over and crush Will’s arm with an arcade machine to keep him down long enough for a quick escape, it would’ve worked. Michael is. Uh. Very emotionally and mentally vulnerable.

A couple years pass after that, before a new Freddy’s place opens, needing someone to run it. Michael does have experience business-wise thanks to watching and learning from his dad as a kid, so it couldn’t be *that* hard, right? He applied under a fake name, got himself all disguised and whatnot, and headed in!

Michael Afton’s Emily Family Reunion Counter: 2

It did take a few minutes for the recognition to actually happen. But. Yeah it was a lil awkward. Considering Michael’s very silent and very sudden exit 32 years ago. Oh yeah also i have fnaf 6 taking place over more than just a week, stretches out from about 2025-2026. No specifics, just a general span of time. Feels more realistic to me, idk. I get the 1 week thing for gameplay/continuity reasons, but hey! This is just an au! I can do whatever shit I please!

And Iiii! Still need to actually flesh out the fnaf 6 stuff beyond my silly lil jokes. Uhh, I think majority of the stuff gets covered here? Feel free to ask further questions on anything, im more than happy to talk about it :-)

[phantom-of-the-ruckus]

Once upon a Midnight Dreary Chapter 3

Tw: mentions of murder, violence, grief, insanity, and other dark subjects

Also this takes place around the 1800s, so be aware that some of the reactions are implied to be typical of the period. This does NOT reflect my perspective on mental health. Note: A bit of a tamer chapter. Not particularly my favorite, but it's to estabish more the setting.

Chapter 4 will be the introduction of Daisy and Nick. I am working on chapter 5

I will wait a bit for the poll to get more votes. I didn't intend it to make it a week, but it was the only option I had. I will eventually post it on AO3 soon

Previous chapter:

Next chapter

Library

Chapter 3: Interrogatory

My arrival at the psychiatric institution has become a blur of memories. It was ironic as I swore not to forget my first day, as it was a source of my deep hatred and revenge against the man who convinced everyone I was mad. I suppose that my tired brain decided to remember the hatred and pain I felt. I could recall being forced down to a stranded bed and being forced fed raw eyes, or it was something like that. The only thing that came to mind was being unable to throw up.

That was only a spoon of the misery I would be forced to live with…

The rest of my days were quite similar, due to the established routine by Dr. Gubberson himself. I would wake up in the middle of the night hearing the bells that announced my parents dead, being forced down to bed by the doctors and knock out until morning came. Then, I would be dragged by the doctors for examination, being force down some bitter medicine before eating whatever cardboard flavored mess they served me as my daily meals. Finally, I would be left inside a cold room, isolated. According to the doctors this would help me out to calm down. 

Only a fool would bite up that tale. I was sure that they placed me there to desperately break off my spirits until I complied and behaved accordingly to how they wished for me to behave. I learned to become a better liar and an actress. A good manipulator, in fact. I learned to adapt my behavior to become pleasant towards the doctors to force their defenses up. I became excellent at becoming mindless and swallowing down my rage every time I was referred to as a murderess. 

It was not an easy task to learn. My arms were swollen with bruises, and my wrists were purple due to the straight jacket, and the daily pushes from the doctors. I was rarely allowed to shower, and if so it would be in a humiliating manner that I refuse to address; but you can let your mind wander off at how monstrous I look. I was the embodiment of a mad woman, but I was stable as ever…

My parents memories were the main thing that kept me pretty much sane from my tortuous mornings. A reminder that I was not to be called mad. 

“She has become much tamer than once she initially arrived, Dr. Gubberson.” I remember how the doctors used to practice their speeches. Those fools, they were thinking they could fix what wasn’t even broken to begin it. Hearing them gloat was an utterly entertaining way to keep me in check. Knowing that I was sane was something I strive to maintain, just to imagine the faces of those idiots once they realized they wasted their time.

“She has regained some weight and no longer hisses at us!” The fools gloated. 

“I am sure the Captain would thank me for helping the wretched Ruckus girl to get her height straight!” I could simply smirk. Savoring my victory once I was able to prove my innocence. Getting please and starting to like the idea of a subtle revenge.

Oh yes, acting up as a little virus in their pathetic system. Getting at their weakest point and strike, but that was simply the seed of vengeance starting to slowly grow. It wouldn’t flourish until much later. 

This was my routine for the next two months, until summer came. I was starting to bore the doctors with my good behavior. I wasn’t exactly doing or exhibiting any sign of improvement besides my usual behavior. So, I was started to be left longer at that empty isolated room. Alone with my own thoughts as the doctors were trying to figure out what to do next. I suppose that they eventually realized I was merely adapting to their hostile behavior or that I haven't broken completely. Either way, their attempts to break me were fruitless, as they only grew little by little my desire to get my vengeance. 

Eventually, they decided to “attempt” to make me talk about a crime I did not commit just a week after the Captain that supported Dr. Gubberson, became a Commander. I did not care about this change, as it would be eventually shorted lived and I would perhaps have an involvement in.

A bloody involvement…one that lasted d around 7 nights of seeing the Captain rest.

“So, the damozel refused to say a word?” I remember hearing the captain speak from afar the day of his first visit. I believe he was speaking with Dr. Gubberson or one of his doctors. I could not tell as the other voice was almost like a whisper. The captain continued after a long brief of silence, where the person he was talking to finished speaking. “Well, it is not surprising at all. The only thing she ever talk once we met was that she was not insane.”

There was a brief silence from the Captain. Probably the other gent speaking. 

“Very well. I’ll do my best to make her talk.” The captain said. “They won’t last long before they break. Late Commander Breadstone would tell ya.”

There was a moment of silence before some laughs ran from the room. The Captain's laugh was strong, so strong as it was the most recognizable one I could hear. So, that was the only information I knew so far, as when I was taken by the doctors to some interrogation room, only the captain was there. There was no other sign or hint he was talking to Dr. Gubberson, so that’s only my major speculation.

“Ah Riley Anne Ruckus.” The captain greeted me. I did not respond but stared. It was my way of defiance, showing that I was not afraid of the idiot. He proceeded to ignore my silence and remarked. “I am not sure whether you look better or worse than I first saw you at the Ruckus’ manor.”

I was silent as ever. Not taking slightly any attempt at being hilarious or crude as serious.

“I’ve heard that you have become tamer or so it seems.” The captain said. “God only knows what is going into your messed up ill-head. At least…you have become quieter, and less defensive.”

I simply stared at him expressionless. Staring right into his eyes, telling him he wasn’t worth my time. He simply tapped the table with his fingers, becoming slightly annoyed at my silence. 

“So…you want to pretend to be mute. How adorable.” The captain huffed. He leaned towards me before gripping my chin. His fingers pressed her almost as he intended to break it. “I am sure you can talk, Riley. Don’t force me to make you permanently mute…”

I knew he was only trying to threaten me. He knew my confession was worth it. I could tell he wanted me to submit to his threats and confess I was a murderer. I simply stared defiantly into his eyes, ignoring the blood dripping from my lips.

I remember the hand of the captain trembling. He was starting to hesitate. 

“Release her now, sir!” One of the doctors ordered. The old man stared at him unimpressed. His hand did not leave my chin, not for a second. The doctor continued, this tine his tone become darker. “Dr. Gubberson will not tolerate the use of violence against one of our patients. He will not allow you to return or speak with Miss Ruckus if you break any bone or cause any injury to her.”

With that warning, the captain released my chin. I refrained from smirking at my small victory. 

“Very well.” The captain hissed. He stared at me furiously. “I suppose that I must find alternate ways to make you talk, don’t you? 

This was how I eventually learned about what happened to my home. After the captain’s death, the other policemen continued with his example. None succeeded, but they fed the fury that kept me alive…

“The bank took your inheritance from your parents.” He muttered with a sly grin. I remained calmed as I could, and refuse to give in into his attempts at provoking my anger. “The bank donated the money to the police force to their investigation of your father’s murder. So, you are peniless, Miss Ruckus.”

This came out to be a lie. I would eventually learn that after the will was handed to me. Sadly, that was the only lie told…

“Money is not up your interest? Ummm, perhaps I should talk about what happened to your parent's belongings.”  It was then when I slightly trembled. He took this as a sign to continue. “Your father’s clothes were sold to some rich folks along with your mother’s dresses. Her wedding dress was sold the highest, probably shredded to pieces by some seamstress.”

The dress my mother promised that I would have when I got married…the one my father fondly kept in his room and stare ever since she died….

I only took my pain as nutrients for my growing seed of vengeance. The captain continued on. “We Also sold your father’s books. All of them in fact. We thought you wouldn’t need them.”

The books my father collected throughout his life, and the ones we used to read when I was a little girl sitting on his lap. The ones that decorated the beautiful library of his study…

“You no longer have your beloved manor…” That was the last attempt he made. I forced myself not to cry. There was no use into giving any sort of weak feeling or emotion that could give an advantage of the cruel captain. As much as it pained me to hear how my parent’s legacy was slowly destroyed, there was nothing I could do myself.

The manor was eventually destroyed after the police gathered as much as they could for their investigation. Majority of our stuff was sold, even majority of our family paintings, and my mother’s collection of taxidermy over the years. One painting did remain, thankfully, but this is something that does far into my tragic story.

That was a long day. A tiresome interrogatory I went through. It was the first one to come, but certainly not the last. The captain would eventually visit me every single day, mentioning details, showing family values that were sold or gifted to charity. He was becoming desperate to make me shed a tear or break. I could listen to his heart beating louder, and louder. 

Sometimes I felt it underneath the ground, but I was so very gentle and cautious not to show I was well aware of that.

Eventually the Doctors and nurses themselves became tired and irritated with the lack of progress. Word eventually reached Dr. Gubberson himself. He momentarily cut out the Captains visits into twice a week, and demanded my treatment to change. That was the end of my straight jacket and being locked, isolated in a cold room. I was allowed to look more presentable myself and start to interact more among with the other prisoners of this hell.

According to Dr. Gubberson, I was no longer a threat. I was still mad as ever as ill, but he believed I would feel more comfortable to speak if I started to have interactions. That was the beginning of how I met two important people into my particular bitter tale:

Nicholas Nathaniel Nack and Daisy Charlene Danger.

[intheyuukei]

19.04.2023 ୨୧ journal

tw: eds, self harm, si, etc.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's a bit of a blur, to be honest. at times it's early December and I'm dancing in the snow around me. then suddenly, it's the hottest January summer I've experienced. Or lived through. I almost can't imagine myself, not sleeping or eating in days, saying goodbye to my cat and walking out with my bags. I can still see it, though, the broken glass bottle and the blood from cutting my legs. The turned over clothing rack, it was 3 am. The plane left in only hours, as February was coming to a close. I have new scars today, it doesn't bother me as much. I've always held myself up to high standards, but this time I really felt myself crumble. I had the handful of pills ready, you know, I was going to. I didn't stop for hope, I might not have stopped even for love. Most of the times it's endurance, it's just stubbornness and primal drive for survival. My proudest feats, I think, but only sometimes. I always liked to end my stories as if an end to all this was possible, it made it easier to cope. Some type of resolution, an "it gets better" line I wrote in a thousand different ways, just to soothe myself in intellect and writing. But maybe this time it’s true.

I'm learning to feel, I'm learning to touch. Meaning I wake up sobbing many nights now. I keep having the same dream. It feels exactly like it felt when I was a kid, an overwhelming sense of doom and helplessness to which I can't escape. in the dream I scream at my mother, she never seems to care. I tell her all I've been suffering, i feel the pain tear through my chest, I tell her I was only 5 or 6 years old. Her face doesn't show any emotion. She's not capable of feeling it. In the solitude of my nights I've found; it's alright. This past year I've grieved most of what I didn't have, no childhood, no father, no mother. Grandma died last month, I was the only one not to attend her funeral. I'm a few continents too far away, but I still feel guilty. Though we grieved her while she was alive, because her Alzheimer's took her away long ways before death did. I had never seen a person in such a living dead state before. Its cruel of life that it had to be her. But maybe some would disagree. You see them lose memories, you see them lost speech, you see them bedridden as just a sentient receiver of tube feeding and pain care.  I was back there last Christmas, I just wanted to get out. But "I love you" were the last words I told her, and I'd like to think that I'm allowed to be at peace with that.

Parted ways with the one constant in my life, six years of it, I think we’re still trying to convince ourselves it was for the better. I cried so much about it, about us building new lives from scratch. Or at least that’s what I did, I’m the one who left. I left most of my things back in Chile, only carried what my hands can manage, which is not a lot. I don’t have much, but I've always valued my freedom. I’ve been on my own before, but alone in that city where no one knows me was a different kind of end. All was ending, I felt, my savings were running out and so was my own life.

Now it’s a few months later, and I can call it a lifeline. Not to say too much, but I'm trying to build my life over, and I’m not alone anymore.

[stranded-labyrinth]

i thought slightly too hard about this and...i imagined an alternative.

----

Hannibal dials. He waits. And he waits. He's considering the call may not go through at all, that it'll show up as a missed call sometime down the line and the implications of that–

Around the last ring, it clicks.

"Hello?"

The sound catches him off guard. It's a voice he knows well, but a voice he didn't expect at all. Even then...

"Pleasant hearing from you, Jack," Hannibal greets quieter than he'd anticipated from himself. It's an honest statement.

There's quiet on the other end, the familiar sound of Jack's stressful breathing.

"What in the hell business do you think you have calling Will's phone?" Jack hisses through the line.

It's a valid question, if not one that leaves even Hannibal stumped. He cannot simply say that a bottle of wine brought him back to Will's phone, back to the very line that had greeted him with "They know." about a month back.

"Your guess is as good as mine," comes yet another honest statement from him. "Though I wonder why you have his phone. Taken as evidence, was it?"

He nearly makes himself laugh. He discovers he's too...whatever feeling this is, it's too much for the laugh to break through. Amusement fizzles out in a bewildering puddle of tragedy and alcohol.

"He hasn't woken up yet."

The answer cuts through his mental fog like nothing he'd experienced before. It's baffling and sobering all in one. The sensation of shock that hits him, it's something that was entirely foreign to him. He feels as though he's been electrocuted. His nerves ache from it.

It's been a month. It's been a month, and Will hasn't–?

"Starting to think you prefer him this way," Jack says, cutting off Hannibal's disquieted train of thought.

Jack sounds quieter, as though he's past the point of caring that he's conversing with the man who nearly killed him. Jaded. Numb.

"Taking him out of the running whenever you get the chance..." he continues. "I remember you and I sitting in a room just like this the last time he was unconscious because of you and I. When you played your little game with him and he lost. When even afterwards, you sat there with me, looming over him. Having spent and continuing to spend God knows how long shredding his defenses apart..."

Hannibal doesn't speak. He doesn't dare.

"A two player game is still a game," Jack speaks up again.

Hannibal, again, does not speak. He knows exactly what Jack is referring to, given the hand he had to play in it. A game with a distinct winner and a distinct loser is what they'd been playing. Some would say Hannibal won. Hannibal knows that he didn't. In his kitchen that night, there wasn't a winner to be found, only two distinct losers suffering their losses.

"Whatever game it is you played with him this time around," Jack says, "whatever result you wanted from this...If he doesn't wake up...I'm glad you don't get to see your results."

The line goes dead before Hannibal can even get his grief-induced, alcohol-addled thoughts together.

He lets the phone fall to the floor, and finishes the rest of the bottle without so much as reaching for a glass.

When Bedelia finally arrives "home" an hour later, she spots him slumped asleep in his chair, the bottle dangling from his fingers, and his eyes closed around dried tear tracks.

She does not disturb him.

Was listening to the very classic "Need you now" and was thinking about what would happen if while Hannibal is in Florence, he has a bit too many glasses of wine (he must have a limit too!) and calls Will. He is not drunk enough to say shit or be funny, he is drunk enough to give in in front of his internal craving of hearing his voice after so many months of silence. So he is drunk enough to abandon his principles and punishment and resentment for a few minutes. Drunk enough to take the risk of having the FBI trail him. It won't happen probably. Probably.

And Will answers. He doesn't recognize the number but has a certain feeling. In Baltimore it's probably daytime or evening. Hannibal can't really tell.

That simple "hello?" Is so good. It's everything to him. It's just like morphine. For a few second it numbs his thoughts and pain and questions and the neverending internal monologue. He sinks in in his armchair and closes his eyes, expecting Will to hang up from one moment to the next.

"It's only fair if you said something too."

Hannibal opens his eyes, not expecting to hear such a craving coming from Will's side.

"There is a lot I would love to tell you, Will." He says and for a second it feels like the old times.

He hangs up immediately afterwards. The conversation is as dangerous as any alcohol or drug. Too much can make you addicted to it. And that leads to loss of control and attention. And those are crucial.

The bits he had heard will be enough for now. Enough to keep him waiting for more.

He is looking forward to telling everything to Bedelia in the morning. She will sure be thrilled to hear everything.

[readingforsanity]

The Girls in the Garden | Lisa Jewell | Published 2016 | *SPOILERS*

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Imagine that you live on a picturesque communal garden square, an oasis in urban London where your children run free, in and out of other people’s houses. You’ve known your neighbors for years and you trust them. Implicity. 

You think your children are safe. But are they really? 

On a midsummer night, as a festive neighborhood party is taking place, preteen Pip discovers her 13-year-old sister Grace lying unconscious and bloody in a hidden corner of a lush rose garden. 

What really happened to her? And who is responsible? 

Dark secrets, a devastating mystery, and the games both children and adults play all swirl together in this gripping novel, packed with utterly believable characters and page-turning suspense. Fans of Liana Moriarty and Jojo moyes will be captivate by the Girls in the Garden. 

We are introduced to Clare, a 32-year-old mother to 12 (soon to be 13) year old Grace and 11 (soon to be 12) year old Pip. They have come to live in a communal living compound after a terrible tragedy hits their family. The two girls are close, due to their age, and don’t take to the other kids within the area until one day, they’re invited over to a neighbors home. This is where we meet the Howes’ - Leo and Adele, the mother and father, and their 3 daughters. 

While exploring the park, Pip comes across a bench within the Rose Garden, displaying the name Phoebe Rednough. She comes to learn from an 89-year-old tenant within the compound that this young girl was found dead within the Rose Garden many years ago, and was actually involved with Leo and his brothers as they had grown up there as well. She was found overdosed on drugs, though nobody was ever brought forth to police as being the culprit, so the answers to her death were never found. 

One evening, a summer party is held for all living within the community. Clare attends with Pip, and while there, sees Grace. Grace has since grown up...as much as a 13 year old can grow up. She has a boyfriend, and has been spending every waking minute with him and the other children of the park. Clare spends much of her time drinking, unsure of where Grace’s whereabouts are, and Pip spends a lot of time playing with Adele, who is wonderful with children as she has chosen to homeschool her girls. 

After Clare has too much to drink, and is reeling from the knowledge that her husband who has suffered a schizophrenic break 6 months earlier and set their home ablaze (hence the move) has been released from the mental institution where he had been imprisoned, goes home with Pip and spends much of the night sick until she passes out from the alcohol. Pip, unsure of where Grace is, goes out in search for her only to come across her unconscious form: her shirt and bra pulled up exposing her breasts, her pants and underwear pulled down to her thighs, and her face bloodied. 

Pip runs to get help, and Grace is hospitalized, in a coma. A rape kit is performed, only to find that there was no evidence of rape at all, but they did find drugs and alcohol in her system. 

It is later revealed that she had become sexually active with her boyfriend, performing oral sex on him while in an elevator lift, had drank champagne he had given her for her birthday and then was attacked by persons unknown while in the Rose Garden. 

We later find this to be a girl her age, Tyler, whose aunt was Phoebe Rednough. She had attacked Grace out of jealousy for stealing her best friend, Dylan, who was much more preoccupied with Grace and had little time left for her. 

When Grace comes out of the coma, her sister and parents all move to a new flat. 

Discussion Questions 

1. Who did you first suspect of attacking Grace? Did your suspiciouns change over the course of the book? Were there clues that pointed you toward the perpetrator? What were some of the red herrings that misdirected your attention? At first, I thought it was her boyfriend. Despite popular belief, it is common for young teens to get upset at their boyfriends or girlfriends for not wanting to do anything sexually. Dylan comes off as a nice boy, but it is difficult to say as his character is only mentioned a few times. We don’t really get to know him. However, as time goes on, its apparent that Tyler is the perpetrator. Her change in her appearance lead her on a darker path that nobody noticed until Grace’s body was found in the Garden. 

2. Adele has a very lenient, alternative parenting style: home-schooling and preferring to let her children make their own choices, whatever they are. She repeatedly suggests that she feels judged by others for her lifestyle. How did you feel about how she is raising her children? Were there points in the book you felt supportive or critical of her maternal choices? In some ways, I agree with her. We are all meant to make mistakes now and again, and that’s how we learn from them. However, I do not have the patience or intelligence to homeschool my own children, therefore her and I are different in that regard. But, I do follow a similar approach to parenting - discipline is absoltuely needed, but I let my children make their own choices to a certain extent while guiding them in the right direction should I feel the need to intervene. 

3. The police suggest that Grace is mature for her age. Do you agree that Grace is, or is acting, more mature than her age? If so, how? How do Grace’s or Pips experiences compare with your own experience of being twelve and thirteen? I don’t think she’s mature for her age, only acting as such. It’s normal to get into makeup as you get older, and I even know some girls younger than her that are exploring makeup and the like. However, at 13, she is doing things much more adult than she should be, though I can’t say for sure I wasn’t as mischievious as she was at that age. 

4. A major issue in this book is that of growing up. What growth do you see in Pip from the beginning to the end of the novel? Compare and contrast Pipe’s development with the ways in which Grace matures. Pip very much wants her father back, and isn’t sure why he isn’t with them. She understands that he is ill, but doesn’t understand why it’s taking him so long to come home to be with them. After a while, you begin to understand that she is privy to what the real issue is, and that she is weary of his return, but is nonetheless excited. 

5. Do you think Clare made the right decision in keeping PIp and Grace’s father’s release from the hospital a secret? Why or why not? I think so. She was terrified of him because she herself didn’t understand what had happened, or why it happened. She was trying to not only protect herself, but her children as well. 

6. Adele asserts that with parents there’s a long game and a short game. The aim of the short game is to make your children bearable to live with. easy to transport. Well behaved in public places...But the aim of the long game is to produce a good human being. Do you agree with her belief that you can skip the short game? Is there a middle ground between her viewpoint and Gordon’s discipline-focused approach? No. Because kids can absolutely be unbearable at times. All mothers think this, and if you don’t, you’re lying. The short game is to help them as well, become easy to be around, not just make them into polite humans. 

7. What draws Clare to Leo? Is her attraction to him based on her own circumstances or something about him? Leo is essentially charming in every way. Clare is lacking male attention, something she was used to as she had married young and had children young. Leo was giving her the attention that she needed. 

8. Why do you think Lisa Jewell wrote primarily from Pip, Clare and Adele’s perspectives? What do these narrators have in common? What is unique about their difference standpoints, and how does this affect the story? They’re all essentially the same - caring and understanding. She wanted us to see the different viewpoints of various parents, as well as that of one of the children within the gang. 

9. Did you relate to any of the girls or parents more than the others? In what ways? I think I related more to the older woman Rhea. Content to be with herself and her pets. None of the others resonated with me like she did when she appeared in a chapter. 

10. Do you think you would enjoy living in a home with a communal garden like the one described? What are some of the benefits and drawbacks? Absolutely not. They live in flats, which is short for apartments. I hated apartment living. There was never enough space, and is always noisy. I like to have my own private area to be who I am, without disturbing the neighbors too much or too often. 

11. What drives Catkin and Fern to follow Tyler’s lead? What do you think were their motivations for taking the actions they took? She was a leader, and Catkin and Fern were followers. 

12. Why does Adele ultimately look after Tyler? Are her motives purely selfless? Yes, I think so. She’s a mother who sees a child being neglected by the one person who should love her unconditionally. Given Tyler’s mom’s past history, it’s normal for her to be the way she is because that was her upbringing, and she couldn’t break the cycle. 

13. Do you think Adele does the right thing by keeping quiet after she discovers what happened to Grace? What would you have done in her position? I don’t think so. To others, yes. But if she didn’t come clean to the police who were investigating, she was protecting the people for the wrong reasons. If my child did something to hurt another child, and on purpose, then I would rat them out in a second. 

14. All of the girls go through both traumatic and formative experiences during the course of the book. What do you think the various girls will be like when they are grown up? I think that Grace is going to be skeptical of others, as will Pip because of her sister. Tyler needs stability, and will look for that continuously throughout her life, especially since she lacked that father figure person with the exception of Leo. Catkin, Fern and Willow will become strange adults, as they’re all very strange children. 

4/5 stars of GoodReads. The ending was absoltuely anti-climatic, which angered me more than anything. Yes, you find out who harms Grace, but there is no satisfying ending.