#imagine Munakata being all fond when he says it

[ridiasfangirlings]

Fushimi has a sudden outburst to tell his Captain to stop calling him "his favorite" in front of the squad.

Does Munakata really say that out loud though, I feel like ‘Captain’s favorite’ is something that the rest of the clan has picked up without Munakata ever saying it directly (though Fushimi is definitely his favorite). Maybe Munakata starts saying it more in a lightly teasing way, like when he’s expressing his faith in Fushimi he says that his ‘favorite’ won’t let him down. Fushimi mostly rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue but at some point he starts to get self conscious about it, especially since Munakata keeps giving him such gentle smiles while saying it. One day he gets flustered enough over it that when Munakata makes a comment about Fushimi being his favorite Fushimi snaps ‘don’t call me that.’ He’s immediately annoyed at how childish that sounded but refuses to take it back, even when he sees the unexpectedly taken aback expression on Munakata’s face. The expression is so fleeting that Fushimi almost thinks he imagined it, Munakata’s face quickly settling back into the usual serene look, but there’s a slight undercurrent in his voice as he says ‘of course, my apologies,’ and then continues giving orders like nothing happened.

Fushimi tells himself that well Captain had that coming but imagine now he really does feel kinda bad about it and he hates that a lot. I feel like he’d be sitting there all ‘I’m not obligated to feel bad about this’ but then he spots Munakata walking to his office and gets this little pang of guilt. He has reports to deliver too but it feels all awkward now, Munakata isn’t acting any differently too so even worse it’s just Fushimi who feels awkward. Imagine him standing there giving his reports, trying to keep his voice even as Munakata just sits and listens and finally Fushimi clicks his tongue and grumbles that it was all Munakata’s fault anyway. Munakata’s like ‘oh?’ and Fushimi says that Munakata kept using that ‘favorite’ line, that makes everyone else gossip uselessly and it’s bothersome, you don’t have to call me that, it wasn’t my fault if you got annoyed I told you to stop. Munakata says mildly that he wasn’t annoyed, Fushimi is well within his rights to tell Munakata to stop something that makes him uncomfortable. Fushimi’s like ‘good,’ Munakata just nods and now once again Fushimi is standing there awkwardly feeling vaguely guilty. Munakata wonders if Fushimi has anything else to report, Fushimi says no and Munakata praises his work like always. Finally imagine Fushimi groaning and being like if you want to call me that in private fine, just not in front of everyone else, and he’s pretty sure there’s a light in Munakata’s eyes as he’s like I see, if that’s what you wish. Fushimi doesn’t feel guilty anymore now but he does wonder if he just walked into a trap without meaning to.

[purpli-writes]

Profile: Hagakure Yasuhiro (Chapter 2: A Normal Day in the Office)

Summary:

Hagakure Yasuhiro, former Ultimate Clairvoyant and current Ultimate Despair, has caught the attention of the Future Foundation.

What will happen to Hagakure with the Future Foundation so close to capturing him?

Updates every Wednesday.

You can read it on AO3 here

Hinata Hajime, the Ultimate Hope, took his job seriously. He was always on top of the information that spread around the Future Foundation, so it wasn’t that surprising when he tried to interview Itsuki and Shimizu when he found out they were the ones who witnessed Hagakure.

“Nozomi, Shimizu,” Hinata said, coming up to them. “Can you two spare a moment?”

“It seems like everyone is asking us that nowadays,” Shimizu complained. “How many times do I have to say it? We didn’t see anything interesting!”

“I’m sorry to be such a bother but I need it for my report,” Hinata responded, looking a little sheepish. “It shouldn’t take too long.”

“It’s fine, Hinata-san,” Itsuki said.

“Not that we’d have a choice anyway,” Shimizu sulked. “Well then Hinata-kun, ask away.”

“First of all, is this even something we can publish?” Hinata asked, staring at the two. “I don’t want to cause needless panic over nothing.”

“As the Division 14 Head, aren't you supposed to keep the people informed, Hinata-san?” Itsuki asked. “This doesn’t seem like something you could just leave out.”

“But we can’t just tell the world that the remnants are still alive,” Hinata responded. “That would break all the trust the people have in the Future Foundation.”

“So, you’re planning on keeping everyone in the dark, Hinata-kun?!” Shimizu yelled, scandalized. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you the ethics of journalism?”

“I don’t need to be scolded about my practices,” Hinata said, crossing his arms. “That isn’t what I meant, anyway.”

“I think the Future Foundation already put themselves into this mess when they said all of Enoshima’s followers were dead,” Itsuki explained. “I suppose it wouldn’t be wise for Hinata-san to just expose the lie.”

“Still, as the Ultimate Hope, he should do what’s best for the people!” Shimizu said. “That’s part of his job description!”

“I am doing what’s best for the people!” Hinata protested, glaring at Shimizu.

Itsuki cleared his throat at the rising tension.

“Well, since you have doubts on what you should report, Hinata-kun,” Itsuki began. “Perhaps it’s better if you wait before attempting to publish anything on it.”

“I imagine that the Future Foundation is going to be in disarray for a little while,” Itsuki continued. “So you’ll be able to make something publishable when everything is back to normal.”

“There will be better people to ask by then, at least,” Itsuki said.

“That’s… not a bad idea, Nozomi,” Hinata admitted. “Although I get the feeling you’re doubting my current judgment.”

“Well, regardless of what you think Itsuki-kun is doing,” Shimizu said, leaning into Hinata. “You’ve got information that we don’t!”

“H-huh…?” Hinata asked. “What’s with that look?”

“You’re a division leader, right?” Shimizu continued. “So you’re bound to have information on Hagakure-san that we don’t have!”

“It just makes sense!” Shimizu finished with a smirk.

“Hagakure-san…?” Hinata repeated. “You’re really showing respect for that guy…?”

“Oh? Are you surprised people can show respect?” Shimizu glared. “Some of us know basic manners.”

“Hey! I do know basic manners!” Hinata protested, about to say more before Itsuki coughed.

“Perhaps you two could fight later,” Itsuki said. “But for now, Hinata-san just tell us anything you know about Hagakure-san.”

“It’s an interesting topic,” Itsuki said as a way of explaining his interest. “Plus we did just recently encounter him.”

“It isn’t exactly good news,” Hinata said, looking a little worried. “At least not for the chance of him getting reformed.”

“Huh…?” Shimizu muttered, looking a bit confused.

“Casualties,” Itsuki realized. “There’s been casualties.”

“Apparently a few division 6 agents almost cornered him,” Hinata began to explain.

“Almost cornered him?” Shimizu interrupted. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Like I was saying,” Hinata continued. “Apparently they were able to land a hit before he fled.”

“But the agents didn’t come back unharmed,” Hinata finished. “From what I’ve heard, one of them almost died of blood loss.”

“That’s… horrible,” Shimizu said after a moment. “And they were only able to land a hit…?”

Hinata nodded solemnly.

“You’re right,” Shimizu said. “That isn’t good for his chances at all.”

“I’d bet that Munakata-san wouldn’t be happy to hear about that,” Itsuki muttered. “I wonder if that’s enough casualties to have him killed.”

“From how that guy acts anything the remnants do is worthy of death,” Hinata agreed. “But they can’t be beyond saving, can they?”

“Sheesh, another guy with a savior complex,” Shimizu sighed. “Well, I guess it makes more sense with Hinata-kun’s backstory than Itsuki-kun’s.”

“Savior complex…?” Hinata asked, looking at Ituski for an answer.

“Don’t get her started, she can go on all day.”

Itsuki couldn’t help but overthink the information Hinata had given them. If what was said about Hagakure was the truth, it was likely Hagakure wouldn’t survive being captured by the Future Foundation.

His stomach churned at the thought, and although he had tried to brush it aside, it kept nagging at him.

“Itsuki-kun,” Shimizu began, looking at him concerned. “You don’t look so well.”

“Thanks,” Itsuki responded dryly, staring at his desk.

“I didn’t mean it as an insult, Itsuki-kun,” Shimizu said softly. “Is something bothering you?”

“Actually, don’t answer that,” Shimizu sighed. “It’s about Hagakure-san, isn’t it?”

Itsuki stared at Shimizu in shock, although he shouldn’t have been that surprised. She had been getting exceptionally well at reading him.

“I don’t understand your obsession with the remnants, but I’m hoping it’s for a good reason,” Shimizu said. “So why don’t you ask Gekkogahara-san about Hagakure-san?”

“What about our work?” Itsuki asked, although he wasn’t sure why he was stalling.

Perhaps he felt guilty about putting Shimizu in a bad position. They were friends after all.

“That’s funny, Itsuki-kun,” Shimizu said, forcing out a laugh. “It wasn’t like you were going to get much work done, anyway.”

“I’ll owe you one,” Itsuki promised, getting up from his seat.

“Hey! You already owe me a lot of ones, Itsuki-kun!” Shimizu protested, taking his spot. “I’m going to remember this one, so you better make it count!”

Itsuki shook his head in fondness, smiling slightly.

Shimizu could really change moods on a whim, it seemed.

Unluckily things weren’t smooth sailing, as Itsuki hadn’t the faintest idea where exactly Gekkogahara was.

Somehow when she was most needed she disappeared. Or at least, that was Itsuki’s experience.

Even worse, instead of Gekkogahara, Itsuki ran into Munakata, who like usual wore a neutral sort of scorn.

“Nozomi,” Munakata greeted. “What brings you here?”

“I was looking for Gekkogahara-san,” Itsuki admitted. “But I believe you can help me all the same.”

“That is if you’re not busy,” Itsuki added quickly.

“I have time,” Munakata said. “What is it that you want, Nozomi?”

“What exactly will happen to Hagakure-san when he’s captured?” Itsuki asked plainly.

Munakata stared at him for a moment, “he will probably be killed at this rate. Not that he deserves much better.”

Itsuki swallowed, although he had expected the answer it had still stung.

“Munakata-san,” Itsuki began once again, trying to control his tone. “With all due respect, don’t you think you’re being too rash?”

“Too rash?” Munakata asked, tone becoming colder. “And what would you understand of my methods, Nozomi?”

“I just believe they have a chance, Munakata-san,” Itsuki said. “And because they have a chance we can’t just give up on them.”

“You seem sure of yourself, Nozomi,” Munakata said. “But what tells you that they have a chance of being reformed? Just a naive feeling or do you have proof to back it up?”

“They’re still humans,” Itsuki said. “And because they’re humans they can be reformed.”

“It’s just human nature,” Itsuki added.

“Perhaps human nature would apply to humans, but the Remnants are not humans,” Munakata glared. “They have committed far too many crimes to even be considered animals.”

“You can’t just say that about people!” Itsuki protested. “They can still change, we can’t give up on them now!”

“They’ve already given up on themselves,” Munakata dismissed. “Long before I gave up on them.”

“How can you say that?” Itsuki asked. “They were brainwashed by Enoshima! You act as if they had a choice!”

“Once corrupted by her influence they’re better off dead,” Munakata said. “Think of this as an act of mercy.”

“Whatever relationship you had with the remnants is gone,” Munakata continued. “It’s foolish and naive for you to continue to pursue it.”

“There is no chance at saving them,” Munakata finished.

Itsuki paused, trying his hardest not to yell at Munakata.

It wouldn’t do him too well to lose his job.

“Is this how you justify your bloodlust, Munakata-san?” Itsuki asked, turning to walk away. “Because they’re ‘evil’ you’re allowed to kill them?” “I don’t have-” Munakata began, only to be interrupted.

“It’s fine, Munakata-san,” Itsuki said, walking away. “You’ve already proven your point.”

Surprisingly, Itsuki found that he wasn’t followed by an angry Munakata.

Perhaps his luck wasn’t all bad after all.

Itsuki hurried back to his station once he was sure he was no longer in Munakata’s line of sight.

When Shimizu saw Itsuki hurrying, she understandably looked nervous, giving him a confused head tilt.

“What happened?” Shimizu asked as soon as Itsuki was back at his desk. “I’ve never seen you move that fast in my life!”

“We haven’t known each other for that long,” Itsuki responded, sitting down. “But things didn’t exactly go well.”

“Huh…? How did things go poorly with Gekkogahara-san…?” Shimizu asked. “She’s probably the nicest person here!”

“I actually… met with Munakata-san,” Itsuki said sheepishly. “I might’ve had an argument with him…”

“You had an argument with Munakata-san?!” Shimizu whispered, looking scandalized. “Itsuki-kun, you can’t just fight with Munakata-san!”

“He’ll fire you if you aren’t careful!”

“And somehow we end up back at your extreme fear of being fired,” Itsuki said. “But I wasn’t going to let him go unquestioned.”

“His sort of thinking is dangerous, Usagi-san.”

“But… he isn’t exactly wrong, is he?” Shimizu asked, looking away. “Even if you want to believe in the possibility of the remnants being saved…”

“They’ve undeniably done horrible things,” Shimizu added. “A lot of people can’t just get over that overnight, y’know?”

“It’s honorable, your want to help them, Itsuki-kun,” Shimizu quickly amended after seeing a frown grow on Itsuki's face.

“I suppose you don’t agree with me then?” Itsuki asked.

“It’s not just that,” Shimizu said lamely, looking him in the eyes. “I just can’t understand why you care so much.”

“There just has to be more, right, Itsuki-kun?”

“I don’t know where you got that idea, Usagi-san,” Itsuki said. “There’s nothing more to me other than what I told you.”

Shimizu glared, “You care a lot about the remnants, despite your constant denials.”

“You’ve had to at least known them, Itsuki,” Shimizu finished. “There’s just no other way you would care this much!”

“I’ll clarify this just once more, Usagi,” Itsuki said. “I don’t know the remnants from anything other than the Future Foundation files on them. But I do feel sorry for them.”

“You… feel sorry for them?” Shimizu asked. “I don’t exactly follow, Itsuki-kun…”

“I joined Division 7 to help cure despair,” Itsuki said. “I believe that we can do that, and the remnants are still heavily afflicted with despair.”

“The remnants have done horrible things, but if we can help them…” Itsuki said trailing off.

“They caused the end of the world! Afflicted with despair or not,” Shimizu protested. “They still killed and hurt so many people!”

“I know,” Itsuki muttered. “But I don’t think they were in the right state of mind.”

“We know they were brainwashed,” Itsuki continued, a little more desperate. “So if we could help them…” “It would finally prove that we won against Enoshima,” Itsuki finished, pleading with Shimizu with his eyes.

“I… guess,” Shimizu admitted after a long pause. “But I still won’t pretend to understand your real reasoning behind it.”

“My real-”

“I know you’re lying to me, Itsuki,” Shimizu said. “I’m not going to ask why, and you really seem sure of it.”

“So I’ll trust in you, Itsuki,” Shimizu smiled. “It’s the least I could do for my friend.”

Itsuki couldn’t help but smile as well. He was asking a lot of Shimizu after all.

“But, don’t think you’re off the hook for all those favors you owe me, Itsuki-kun!” Shimizu said. “I’m about ready to cash ‘em in!”

“This can’t be good…” Itsuki frowned.

“I don’t know why I agreed to this,” Itsuki muttered as him and Shimizu looked for Hinata.

“That’s because you didn’t get a choice, Itsuki-kun!” Shimizu smiled. “But geez, where could Hinata-kun even be?”

“Over here,” Hinata said, appearing from behind the two. “Nozomi, Shimizu, what exactly are you two doing here?”

“You’re not going to like this,” Itsuki warned as Shimizu got close to Hinata.

“You’re coming with us, Hinata-kun!” Shimizu sing-songed, looking anything but sweet.

“H-huh…? Coming with you guys…?” Hinata asked. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said!” Shimizu smirked.

“You’re not going to get much of a choice,” Itsuki added.

Before Hinata could respond, Shimizu had grabbed him by his tie.

“W-what are you doing?!” Hinata yelled.

Itsuki rolled his eyes, looking away.

“We’re going to teach you some manners, Hinata-kun!” Shimizu said as she began to drag him.

Itsuki followed unenthusiastically.

Hinata protested the whole way to Division 7’s temporary space, although as Itsuki noted, he didn’t make much of a struggle to get out of her grip.

Once Shimizu released her grip from his tie, he began to straighten it once again.

“W-well now that we’re here,” Hinata began, sounding a bit annoyed. “Can you at least tell me why I was brought here?”

“Exactly what Usagi-san said before,” Itsuki began to explain. “Usagi-san wanted to teach you some manners and I got roped into it.”

“That’s because you owe me a ton of favors, Itsuki-kun!” Shimizu added cheerfully. “But Itsuki-kun is right! We’re going to teach you how to respect others, Hinata-kun!”

“I do respect others!” Hinata bristled.

“You can’t just go around as the ‘Ultimate Hope’ and not use honorifics for others!” Shimizu continued, ignoring Hinata’s complaint. “It’s just plain rude.”

“Like she said before, I had no choice about my involvement in this lesson,” Itsuki sighed.

“Hey! No need to be rude, Itsuki-kun!”

“To begin the lesson we need to understand your knowledge on honorifics,” Itsuki began. “You do know the basic honorifics, right…?”

“Huh…?!” Hinata said. “What do you take me for, an idiot?”

“In Itsuki-kun’s defense you didn’t know what an octagon was…” Shimizu added unhelpfully. “I mean, that’s pretty bad, Hinata-kun.”

“H-hey…! Don’t just bring that up!” Hinata yelled, obviously embarrassed.

“Moving on… for someone like you, Hinata-san… perhaps you could go with kun for males and chan for females,” Itsuki said. “It’s conventional and easy enough.”

“Or you could call everyone san for convenience!” Shimizu said. “That’s what Itsuki-kun does, anyway…”

“It’s more than for just convenience,” Itsuki clarified.

“Are those my only options?” Hinata asked.

“Technically you could use any honorifics,” Itsuki said. “We’re not the honorifics police, Hinata-san.”

“...Or rather, I’m not.”

“But... you should use san for everyone if you want to get out quicker!” Shimizu said. “Because this was way more boring than I thought!”

“I’m starting to think you set your expectations too high,” Itsuki commented.

“Agreed,” Hinata said.

“So, what are you going to use, Hinata-kun?” Shimizu asked. “San for everyone, right?”

“Glad to know I get a choice…” Hinata complained.

“Don’t back talk to your teachers!” Shimizu glared. “Is that another lesson we have to give you?”

“That one you can teach on your own time,” Itsuki said. “Let’s just move on.”

“Well we can’t just let him go if he doesn’t show any improvements!” Shimizu protested. “It would be a waste!”

“You’re right, Nozomi-san and Shimizu-san,” Hinata said. “This lesson was truly ‘enlightening’ but I really must be going…”

Itsuki stared at Hinata, smirking slightly at the forced honorifics.

Apparently Shimizu had fallen for his act, however.

“See! That’s such an improvement!” Shimizu beamed. “We’re really the greatest teachers!”

“He’s… obviously faking it,” Itsuki said. “I’m surprised you fell for it, Usagi-san.”

“Don’t be such a pessimist, Itsuki-kun!” Shimizu said. “But… just for that slight chance that he is faking it…”

“We’ll just have to force him to do it again if we catch him not using honorifics!” Shimizu declared. “Isn’t that a great idea?”

“Please… don’t,” Hinata said.

“...When did I agree to that?” Itsuki asked.

“I think it’s perfect!” Shimizu said. “It’s the least Hinata-kun could do anyway!”

“Huh…? What do you mean?” Hinata asked.

“You’re so uptight, you’re kind of like a mini Munakata-san,” Shimizu said, beginning to air her grievances. “At least that guy has the attitude to go with the lack of manners!”

“I’m nothing like Munakata!”

“You sure are!”

Itsuki frowned, staring at the two as they began to bicker.

Somehow, despite the annoyance, Itsuki found himself happier than he had been in a long time.

He however wasn’t going to join in on their argument, more content to just see how it would play out.

There wasn’t anything better to do, as far as he knew.

[x0401x]

K: Kingdom of Red Interview with GoRA Pink

Rairaku Rei-san, one of the members of the novelist group that handles the script of “K”, has been in charge of “K: Kingdom of Red”, the novel about the past of the Homura trio (Suou Mikoto, Totsuka Tatara and Kusanagi Izumo). This work, which had been much anticipated by the fans, expanded the worldview of the “K” universe even more by exploring a story through interchanging the light novel’s original characters, while simultaneously gathering the essence of this trio’s tale as imagined by Rairaku-san in their depictions from various forms of media up until now. It could be considered the epitome of the Red Clan and a must-read for the fans. Today, we will have Rairaku-san discuss about this publication. The subjects will vary from her impressions when writing to the contents of the light novel in which she portrayed her feelings for the trio in detail, so we believe this interview should be enjoyed by the ones interested after reading the work in question.

(Raw Version || Kingdom of Red Novel translation)

“The story of ‘Kingdom of Red’ was both about the beginning and the end of Homura.”

——This was truly a work much anticipated by the fans, but is the long period it took to be written related to the fact that there was some sort of special sentiment put into it?

Pink: I’m terribly sorry for the long wait. I thought at first that I should write about how those three met, but if it were only about their meeting, it would end up being a lighthearted story with no mentions of supernatural abilities or the Slate. Since it was going to be published by Kodansha BOX, I believed it would be better if the story were a tad more serious, so I decided to make it go up to the point where the three ultimately formed the Red Clan. The first part of the plot, in which I only wrote about the three meeting one another, felt more like a collection of short stories, but then it was decided that I should go on until the awakening of the Red King happened, so it turned out to be the most massive book I’ve ever written. Also, there was an interlude in “K SIDE:RED” about the past of the three, but it was very choppy, so I felt like I had wanted to reveal what that scene had really been by adding it to a separate story.

——The movie was released during the time you were writing the novel and the story moved forward along with the second season, but did they influence this work in any way? After all, the prologue and epilogue scenes with Kusanagi and Anna also appeared in season 2.

Pink: Indeed, the prologue and epilogue changed significantly from what was initially planned. They connect with season 2, and though “Kingdom of Red” is the story of Homura’s conception, it is also about how they rose up again after everything had been lost, so there was a sense of it being a story about both the beginning and the end as well.

——Then, shall we talk once again about the circumstances in which this time’s main characters – Suou, Kusanagi and Totsuka – were born?

Pink: Suou’s character prototype had a brighter side to him and wasn’t that much of a downer. When his comrades were doing stupid things, he would join them to his heart’s contentment and make a fuss, but in the times he was supposed to be serious, he would have a gloomy atmosphere, so he was truly the kind of multifaceted character whom no one could tell when would snap. However, when creating the story, while season 1 was still under production, Suou turned out as that character who was always angry, so we logically could not show his bright side, and we thought we should give more emphasis to his wrath and internal pressure as they increased, thus they became natural. Nevertheless, everyone from Homura messing around and having fun together was necessary no matter what, and it felt like the character we designed to become the center of that was Totsuka.

——Totsuka’s character was primarily conceived by Rairaku-san, right?

Pink: He’s a character that was dead from the start of the main story, so I was told to come up with what kind of piece he would be that would make Suou and Homura crumble at his absence and what kind of position this person, who was no longer around, used to be at, and that is how I was put in charge of him.

——Was Suou a character created to be set with Kusanagi and Totsuka?

Pink: It was decided from early stages that there would be an intel yakuza-like strategist as the Red King’s right arm. Kusanagi would become someone with charisma that would, as a planner, substantially manage “Homura” from amidst his, let’s say, foolish (laugh), guileless comrades along with Suou, who is a symbol of violence; from the beginning, I believe this position of his was not at all unclear. While Suou is a “King”, he’s not one to think about what would make the organization move forward, so Kusanagi’s existence was essential. Suou and Totsuka were then divided into two entities: one was a strong and frightening human being, and the other stood in the center of their gleeful companions; I think that Kusanagi, the one who monitored them as their planner, being added there was the origin of this trio’s conceival.

——Please tell us the impressions that you pictured the three of them with in “Kingdom of Red”.

Pink: Suou went through quite a few hardships in this novel. In the anime’s first season, there was an episode that showed his young days for a bit, but as Suou before becoming the “Red King” was not the Suou we knew, until I was able to step into the mentality of the Suou of those times and properly write about him, my work turned into a lot of digging. Since this was the part that took most time, I wrote on while often asking other GoRA members for advice. In the anime’s first season, Suou and Munakata were completely exceptional and grandiose existences, so there was some pondering on whether it was okay or not to show their humane sides. Still, we pictured the Munakata of season 2 in a human-like light, and so we wondered if it wouldn’t be all right to expose Suou too.

——Indeed, this time, you wrote about Suou with a relatively normal human side. His grades were not bad, and he was punished accordingly whenever he skipped tests (laugh).

Pink: He’s not stupid, right? The parts about him being scolded by Honami-sensei were really just Suou as a boy, but there was a point where I was on doubt on whether it was fine for him to not fully be the “cool Suou”.

Except, I somewhat think it’s because Suou has this part of him that does things right that he’s the kind of character who ends up suffering. If he had shaken everything off and broken into a run like Kagutsu Genji (the one who was the “Red King” before Suou), he might have had a pleasant life in its own sense, but there’s a side of Suou that would not do this.

——In “SIDE:RED”, you also introduced Honami-sensei as an existence that made Suou show new facets of his.

There were mostly people who were afraid of Suou in his surroundings, but she was not like that, and instead was someone fairly able to tell what kind of person other people were. The reason was that, since she was Anna’s aunt, there might have been a similar point between them in the fact they end up somewhat seeing through others. Back in “SIDE:RED”, I only wrote about Honami being Suou’s former teacher, but I’d also wanted to write here about how she was actually like this in their school days.

——Then, regarding Kusanagi, how was it?

Pink: In here, we are introducing Kusanagi’s uncle, who was the original owner of bar HOMRA, for the first time, and it was fun to write about the interactions between said uncle and Kusanagi. Although I felt the difficulties of writing about Suou’s boyhood from before he became a “King”, for Kusanagi, I already had many images of his young days, so it was easy to go along with and write it.

——In the anime, Kusanagi was written as a mature adult, so there weren’t many opportunities to see his impish side, and therefore, this was very refreshing.

Pink: Certainly, an inexperient Kusanagi felt a bit refreshing. From his uncle’s viewpoint, he was truly still a young boy, and there were enjoyable moments in writing about Kusanagi as such (laugh). Also, I think I’m glad that I was able to write again about bar HOMRA, which was a place of fond memories for Kusanagi since the past. Regarding Totsuka, it links to the scene of him in the hospital during season 1.

——The episode in which Totsuka had a one-word encounter with them long ago was also very good.

Pink: There’s the fact that he is someone with a strong influence (laugh), so he blithely comes in contact with many sorts of characters. I had wanted to write about the reason behind the story of Totsuka saying, “I’ll become the King’s underling”. Totsuka is a character with an airheaded and mysterious side, but I believed I should write this time about what lies behind that, and about the conflicts he didn’t let show much.

——Then, with what kind of image do you, Rairaku-san, write about what Kusanagi and Totsuka are to Suou?

Pink: When Suou was alone, he was really like a wild beast, but he started to hang out with Kusanagi and Totsuka and became able to have moments that he thought of as fun, which changed him little by little, so to speak. While his essence was not altered, I think the ones who were able to change Suou’s ways were Kusanagi and Totsuka. If the two weren’t there, Homura probably wouldn’t have been formed, and I feel it might have been the main factor that made Suou into the “Red King” that he is.

——What about the way that Kusanagi saw Totsuka and Suou?

Pink: Kusanagi is a person with a lot of common sense, the one who has a decent way of thinking. While Suou and Totsuka have different courses of action, they are extremely reckless, so I often imagine Kusanagi as taking the role of anchoring these two onto society. But Kusanagi himself had his own discords, like, “Is this really the best for this guy?”, and I inserted them into this work.

——Kusanagi himself also being at loss leaves an impression.

Pink: This part still feels like the “young Kusanagi”, right (laugh)? Most likely, together with the feeling of wanting to anchor them, Kusanagi had something akin to a feeling of being prepared to watch over them while letting them do as they pleased, and I believe this sense of transition is included in “Kingdom of Red”. During the intial moments of “Kingdom of Red”, Kusanagi’s face was very well-known and he had connections with several people, but before meeting Totsuka and Suou, he didn’t get himself involved too intimately with anyone. That’s why, when he was angry that the comrades of an acquaintance he hung out with were wounded, his feelings were understandable, but it seemed there wasn’t that much real emotion to the fervor of this anger, yet I feel that Kusanagi changed quite a bit on the way towards the main story.

——Then, what about what Suou and Kusanagi are to Totsuka?

Pink: For Totsuka, Suou is an incredibly special existence, and within his motivations, there’s the thought that he “wants to see where this person will go”.

Kusanagi is like a sibling to him, and I think he feels like Totsuka’s number one partner. There was also a sense similar to brotherhood back when they first met, and that they might be bad friends, but I believe those two have come to share many things once Suou became a “King”.

——When Totsuka met Suou, he had something to become attached to for the first time, right?

Pink: That’s right. I think that, from the feelings Totsuka and Suou obtained in meeting each other, a part of them went through a change. Suou and Totsuka are both free spirits, and I think their first ties of obligation were formed along with the relationship of this trio. Ties of obligation were a pain to the two of them, but they became able to know happiness and joys that they would only be able to because these ties existed, so to say. In the main story of the anime, since Totsuka was dead, we were unable to depict this trio no matter what, so I’m glad I was able to properly write about the three of them this time.

“The one named Kurayama Mitsuha made his appearance, and I described him with an image of something like Suou’s mirror, as a potential other life that Suou could have led.”

——Suou doesn’t really seek anything by his own initiative, and was always written as a person who didn’t get too attached to anything or anyone, so the scene of the time when he awakened and stretched his hand out to Kusanagi and Totsuka for a handshake without hesitation left an impression.

Pink: It’s not as if Suou had thought that deeply about it; I honestly think it was an action he took on automatic. Even you ask him, “Back then, why did you make the two of them into your clansmen again?”, I feel that he himself would probably be at loss for an answer (laugh). Upon becoming the “Red King”, the first decision of that person, who seemed like he could disappear off somewhere regardless of where he was if left on his own, was to make those two his comrades, and were it not for that action, Homura would likely not have been founded.

——Back in a previous interview, it was said that “Suou would have died even if he had not become the ‘Red King’”, which had remained in my recollections, but after reading “Kingdom of Red”, I thought, “I see”.

Pink: That’s right. Back then, I think it would have been dangerous if Suou hadn’t awakened as “King”. This time, Kurayama Mitsuha – the one in the role of bad guy – made his appearance, and I described him with an image of something like Suou’s mirror, as a potential other life that Suou could have led. I believe he’s someone who lives the way that Suou might have if he had not met Kusanagi or Totsuka and if he had come to a point where he would end up thinking that he did not care about others. He’s also a character that had a role similar to being a substitute for Kagutsu, his illusion. Kagutsu is a character that had died many years prior and doesn’t meet directly with Suou, so it’s hard to say what Suou himself thought about him, but I thought that if Kurayama were a character who carried on his back the illusion of Kagutsu, Suou could confront him.

——Was there anything you wanted to reference regarding Kagutsu?

Pink: Suou having a Damocles Down was a parallel to Kagutsu, and Kagutsu in turn becomes the main origin of it all, but I had wanted to write about their contrast; about what Suou and Kagutsu have and don’t have in common. Also, from what I heard about the plot of the novel regarding the Kagutsu incident, which Furuhashi-san is in charge of, it will provide background for this, to make clear how “it’s because this occurrence happened that the whole story exists”.

——Kagutsu’s installation was revealed as well, right?

Pink: Indeed, this time was the first that Kagutsu’s installation was written about, but Furuhashi-san had already created its concept long ago.

——Seeing the fragmentary informations here depicted, it seems Kagutsu will turn out to be a marvelous character, so I have become even more anxious for “Ground Zero”! I felt that this work in particular was able to fully demonstrate an entretainment inherent of the “K” series, but there are several characters interconnected with the story.

Pink: It’s a story about before other characters had become involved, but they all have a little bit of a connection with many points, so I was self-conscious of the fact that this would eventually become the world of “K”.

——As an addition to Totsuka’s one-word encounter mentioned earlier, the “JUNGLE” handlename “HN-san” is also introduced with a broad grin, right?

Pink: That’s right (laugh). HN will supposedly be very active in the upcoming “SIDE:GREEN”.

——I’m looking forward to it (laugh). Seeing it this way, Hisui had really been watching everything.

Pink: Hisui’s stance up until his appearance in the movie is that he had been observing and becoming interested in many things, and attempted to prod them a little, so I had wanted to display how he was the one that “had been seeing everything” since the past.

——The strain that appeared in the manga “Memory of Red” also showed up for a bit.

Pink: I wrote about this in a way that there would be no problem if no one remembered it, but I’m glad you noticed (laugh).

——Rereading what you wrote before that is related to this work, was there any work in particular that you made a common point with?

Pink: The burdens that Suou bears were included in it, so I referred to “R:B” a lot. This was also a story that overlaps with the middle of the timeline of “Lost Small World”, so I had to think about its consistency. I had wanted to use as many other characters as I could, so as the times of the stories flowed simultaneously, I thought that maybe I could have made Fushimi, Yata and Aya pass by them when chasing after the airship and running around Shizume City, but I was unable to do this as I had to timeskip that part. Also, although it is something that I wrote myself, I’ve inserted bits of the intervals of “SIDE:RED” into the story, so I reread them often. “Kingdom of Red” is a story of fairly long timespan, so I had wanted to comprise and write about many things.

——I believe that Rairaku-san in particular was put in charge of writing about the “Red Clan” in the novels, comics and short stories amongst other things, but putting all of that together in a single work makes it sort of a culminative one, right?

Pink: Indeed, it might be that this is a book in which several things I’d been writing have been bundled up together.

——Is there any work amongst the ones you’ve written up until now that you are emotionally attached to?

Pink: I had been writing “Kingdom of Red” until recently, so my emotional attachment towards it is deep. I also wrote a short story titled “Kingdom” before (included in the official guidebook “A MEMORY OF KINGS”), and it was the starting point of “Kingdom of Red”.

The story written there is briefly implied in the novel, and the story that comes immediately before and after is inserted in “Kingdom of Red”. In that sense, it might be that it’s because “Kingdom” existed that we have “Kingdom of Red”.

——It’s the story about Suou thinking of getting a haircut after awakening, right?

Pink: That’s right. It becomes Suou’s anime hairstyle (laugh).

“Writing about things like ‘delightful times that have been lost’ and ‘fun times everyone had while knowing that the end was near’ was one of my main themes regarding ‘K’.”

——The fact that Kusanagi’s words of “let’s make this a good country” were sorrowful left an impression. From this scene, the combination of happy and sad stories was rather exquisite, as if it pierced the heart, and I think this aspect of it connects with the bittersweet atmosphere of “K”, but was it remarkable to you?

Pink: Yes. Writing about things like “delightful times that have been lost” and “the fun times everyone had while knowing that the end was near” was one of my main themes regarding “K”. The main story of the anime is one in which several things had already been lost, and I was often in charge of writing about what exactly the things that have been lost were, so I think I put a lot of my power into that.

——By the way, was there any episode in this novel that you had to leave out no matter what?

Pink: This work is pretty packed, so overall, I did include in it everything I had wanted to write. I thought this might be the last time that I would dig up and write about the story of these three, so I crammed it up with all kinds of episodes, to the point I was even told by an editor, “it’s the first time that such a fervent book is being published on BOX” (laugh).

There was a total of 700 pages for the manuscript, after all. Even when I sent it to the proofreader, he was like, “but this is two volumes” (laugh).

——(Laugh) When you write your next novel, which story of what character are you interested in pursuing?

Pink: For now, we plan to turn the first season, movie and second season into novels, and while I think I’ll be put in charge of season 1, I believe I hadn’t had so many chances to get to the core of Shiro, Kuro and Neko’s emotions, so I want to try stepping into Shiro’s inner troubles. Shiro is also a person who has been losing many things, so I think it’d be good to write about the depths of that. The reason why these feelings weren’t so explored in the anime and comics is that we think it’s important to show things through the art, so I’m looking forward to showing them through other means. Many backgrounds that no one knew of back when season 1 was being aired have been piling up, and I want to take over the story that consolides them.

——I’m looking forward to it! Then, lastly, let us hear about your current feelings towards “Kingdom of Red”, now that you just finished writing it.

Pink: This ended up becoming something lengthy, but at the same time that I wrote the story about the origin of the “Red Clan”, I had wanted to write the one about its end, and now I feel I was able to accomplish this. Ever since I started working on the manga “Memory of Red”, which was serialized before the anime had aired, and “SIDE:RED”, which was published during the broadcasting, I had always been involved with “Homura”, so I do have deep emotions towards it. My heart is racing at how people will react to it, but I’ll be happy if they enjoy it.

[its-love-u-asshole]

Shaking in My Skull [Ch 8]

Pairing: Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki

Rating: T

Summary: Stuck on the plane between life and death, Saruhiko makes the decision to risk everything, forced to find faith in himself and the headstrong Yata Misaki as they both face unimaginable demons.

Note: -sighs- I'm so happy to be posting this finally lol. First, thanks to everyone who is still reading, I know it's been a ride and its not over lmaoo. That being said, I have finished writing this fic, and have 2 more chapters after this planned. I know I said it would only be 1 or 2 more, but I ended up writing 30k of ending so .....LOL I'm going to be posting the other two parts this week, so stay tuned for quick updates. Enjoy reading! Big thanks to @emeraldwaves for reading this over!!

AO3 Version

8 Tracks

"Remember, all you must do is touch the gate, and you will be evaluated."

Nagare's last words were clear, the task being shockingly easy despite the overall complexity of the journey.

Saruhiko had quirked his eyebrow in confusion, turning the words over along with Munakata's past ones.

“The closest someone ever got, was the entrance of hell’s gates.”

"But then," he began, voice weak in the empty cave, "why did Munakata say no one has ever gotten past the gates?"

If the gate is truly the finish line...

Saruhiko wanted to rescind his inquiry before Nagare had the nerve to throw him a solemn look.

The seated man shook his head, moving to the side in order for another door, the exit, to reveal itself. "Lesser humans have collapsed upon reaching the threshold. Not by plain exertion, but that coupled with the pure weight and burden of the journey itself. It is perhaps why the higher ups chose to lie to you, maybe they thought having a farther goal would keep you going longer. Sadly, I don't know how much good the kindness will do you. But..."

The door opened, giving way to a familiar, grey landscape. The one from just after they'd descended from heaven. To think he'd feel such a strong rush of nostalgia when it was so close to ending.

They moved forward, unspeaking, until they were on the other side, and Nagare's cryptic smile began to disappear behind cave rock.

"All I can say is, when it comes to lesser humans, don't be one of them."

--

It was less a gate, and more of a wall, the barrier keeping them from Hell. The wind around them swirled, the grey dust kicking up and brushing against the sleek material. It was a lot cleaner than Saruhiko would have imagined, shining marble, marred with a few scuffs here and there. After all, no one was going to be fighting to get in.

Except them of course, this was their goal. All along, they'd endured so much to get to this one place, as cursed as it was, and now...

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm scared," Misaki whispered, hand twitching at his side. "This is it...after this...we'll be..."

Alive. That was the unspoken truth of it, but it didn't seem real. Not for him at least. Saruhiko watched as Misaki's face settled into one of serenity, no doubt remembering the challenges that had brought them here. After Nagare's parting congratulations, they'd set down a path much similar to the first, dark and made of cobblestone, with no trip ups or obstacles. Eerily silent, they'd walked, on edge and waiting for malicious whispers or growls of monsters. But there had been none of it. Only sand and rock, just like before, Nagare's cave dissolving behind them beneath layers of dirt. It was almost like a victory lap, but neither of them had been smiling. It was hard to feel anything but disbelief, after all that had transpired.

It was nearly overwhelming, the image of something towering in the distance, the gates which would lead them to their end, whatever it may be. They'd been unnerved, and Saruhiko thought maybe he understood why no one had yet to make it past those gates. It would have been easy, to lose his mind and drive right then and there, beaten and hopeless. He thought about his father, about Misaki's fierce encouragement, of his friends and their grief, and the inklings of hope he'd allow to grow inside of himself.

He wouldn't be one of those others though, he'd see it through, whether he failed or not. His reflection only fed that.

Had he changed? Yes, there was no use denying it now, staring up at the finish line. He'd changed in many ways, he'd carry that change with him forever no doubt. Misaki would too, the good and the bad. They’d never be the same, it wasn't possible, to not remember the terror and trauma, the things they'd seen. What they'd given up...

Saruhiko closed his eyes, feeling the dread from before threaten to swallow him up. He hadn't been able to let it go yet, not since leaving Nagare. He had felt sick with each soundless step forward, clutching Misaki's hand until the path had finally receded into dust, gone.

"Your response has to be truly honest, you have to mean it. And believe me, I will know if you don't."

He swallowed down the bile, the urge to vomit.

"It almost doesn't feel real," Misaki said again, eyeing Saruhiko as he stared into the intricate designs of the marble.

No, it doesn't. Who knew if it was. Saruhiko didn't trust much anymore. But he knew this wasn't a dream, he'd long since stopped his skepticism over it. He was dead, he'd gone on this insane journey with a complete stranger, stupidly fallen for said stranger, and now...

Well, he'd find out huh?

"Thank you Saruhiko."

The taller blinked in confusion, and had his breath momentarily stolen by the look on Misaki's face. Tired, but still bright and all consuming, the way Misaki should always be. It was a weird moment he had then, staring at Misaki and really taking in his face, the bags under his eyes, his dirt marred skin and bloodied hands. He looked close to collapsing, they probably both did, and Saruhiko wouldn't have minded much, burying his face in the other's neck and staying there. Misaki's hand was cold despite their contact, his skin scratchy, but it warmed Saruhiko in a way fire never could, coupled with those amber eyes which had captured him since day one. It was in that one strange moment, in front of hell's gates, and without much surprise, that Saruhiko knew he loved Misaki. "Back then...I know you didn't have to do this with me, but you did. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here with me."

Denial bubbled in his throat. What had he done? It was Misaki, pulling them all along...Saruhiko had been pathetic and withdrawn, not worthy of any praise, not at the start. Not when it had counted. If only he'd--

"Shut up, whatever you're thinking, dumbass," Misaki said with a light laugh. "We're here because we worked together, equally, get it?"

In all honestly it was a weak statement, said barely above a whisper, but it held a finality in it which Saruhiko couldn't dodge. On any other occasion, Saruhiko would've been able to dismiss that, hell, it was what he was good at. But with Misaki staring at him like he was, with nothing but pure fondness in his eyes...

He didn't have the heart to fight it, or to voice his internal fears. To bring up how Misaki shouldn't be so hopeful they'd succeeded. Munakata had said there was no guarantee of anything after all, what if they'd done something wrong? Saruhiko was also nervous about meeting with Mikoto, just on the other side of the gate, the very thought making him want to turn right around. They were all completely reasonable things to worry about, to anguish over, but he wouldn't, not with the person he...loved putting so much faith in him.

For the redhead, they'd done it. At a cost, but they'd survived. They were going to go home, and set things right. How could he bring himself to dispute any of it?

So he would wait, because even if he couldn't do it, couldn't bring truth to the outcome of their journey, Mikoto would eventually.

For now, he'd do what he'd probably always wanted to.

He cradled Misaki's face, his palm shaking as he cupped his cheek; Misaki didn't look surprised in the slightest, and maybe that was all he needed. "So sure of yourself," Saruhiko said with a weak scoff, leaning forward until their foreheads were touching. He didn't have the perfect words, or at least, no way to convey them. But, his mind was filled with Misaki, would never not be, and he hoped he could show it. "But...you too."

Thank you, Misaki.

Misaki's hands tangled in Saruhiko's hair when their lips met, the kiss deep and containing too many feelings at once, and Saruhiko kept coming back for more, because he'd never get enough. Misaki was everywhere, was going to be a part of him for the rest of eternity, there was no denying it. If they'd met sooner, the proper way, maybe things could've been different. He breathed in the other's scent, mapped out his skin, because it might just be his last chance. Misaki sighed into the kiss, his lips moving hungrily, before his breathing stuttered at the sound of the wind howling around them, and Saruhiko knew there would be no more waiting.

"I think…I love you, Saruhiko." Misaki's arms were around him, trembling along with his words, and squeezing him one last time before he pulled away, the shining amber gaze flickering to the wall before them. "Are you ready?"

Saruhiko chose not to answer, knowing words would never be enough from his mouth, and simply reached out, palm sliding onto the smooth marble, and taking no comfort in the fact that he was the first ever to do so. Misaki's hand joined him, flat on the rock, together as always.

He wasn't prepared for whatever was about to happen, but he'd face it head on, like Misaki had shown him. At least if nothing went right, he'd always have the memory of Misaki's lips on his, and the redhead standing by his side.

The wind stopped altogether, and then the wall began to part.

--

"What are you doing?" A shrill voice rang through the room, more and more impatient with each passing moment.

As if the dilemma at hand weren’t stressful enough.

"Yeah, get on with it!"

There was an irritated grunt at that, for once accompanied with words. Well, at least Mikoto was on his side. "We want to wait."

"Why? Why wait? Just zap them where they need to go, they touched the gate!" A whiny, annoyed voice rang through the meeting room as the pool reflected the image of two young men passing through hell's gates.

"You've babied them a ton, he has a point."

"No one is babied on the Return." Douhan’s commanding voice silenced the childish one, her eyes narrowing slightly as Nagare approached.

"Yes, yes, I agree. But we shouldn’t bring up useless truths. We all gave them favor.”

“Yes, but—”

"Enough." Munakata frowned at the floor, lifting his cane high before bringing it back down, the noise piercing. “That’s…enough.”

There was a tense silence, a few hums of irritation disrupting it a few times before the sound of footsteps clicking on the tile overpowered it all. Munakata walked until he was at the pool, stopping to observe the events closer. Regardless of what any of them said, it fell on Munakata’s shoulders to communicate the will of the universe.

All occupants of the room peered into the water, the somber mood detectable to even the most insensitive.

There was no easy way to go about this, and there shouldn't ever be. Mikoto was especially grim in his silence, and Munakata wouldn’t fault him for not backing him up in this instance. The rest of the room’s occupants backed off upon receiving Munakata’s hard stare, the useless protests dying as they all made way for Munakata to pass them.

“Time, I am aware that I am asking a lot of you, but I would encourage you to be sympathetic to these two’s plight,” Munakata said, addressing the lanky man with violet hair, and the other nodded in apology, the last of his hostility diminishing.

Yes well, it is difficult to not feel some affection for the two Returners. Munakata himself had grown quite fond of them, and yet he couldn’t manage a smile, not an inkling of one.

With a final, yet reluctant agreement around the circle, a portal was opened.

The man in the seat beside him stood up with a low grunt, the chain at his belt echoing in the quiet stillness. Munakata nodded to him, making sure he would keep order in his absence, and addressed the crowd for the last time on the matter.

"I believe they deserve a proper explanation."

--

Yata couldn't know if it was a blessing or a curse to not see hell upon entering through its actual gates. The world of apparent suffering was separated from the entrance by a small, regal building. Or at least, that's what he guessed. The building was shrouded in fog on all sides, no one and nothing else in sight. It almost looked like an ancient palace, or the ruins of one, and only a small chunk. It was a much appreciated let down if he was being honest. When he thought of hell, he'd been expecting torturous heat, unending screams, maybe demons and criminals, not...nothing. In a way it was good, he wouldn't give himself more nightmares by actually witnessing whatever hell actually looked like, being either a fiery pit or filled with creatures, he wasn't sure. Would probably never be, or he really hoped not. Though, he doubted anything could be worse than what they'd already done. The things he'd seen and overcome, what he'd given up...hell couldn't possibly come close, and he was nearly certain of that.

Saruhiko tensed beside him, observing their environment with a similar mix of confusion and relief, before settling on the landmark ahead of them.

Yata watched as he paled, the fear still evident as ever in those clouded blue eyes.

What are you thinking?

What's hurting you? We can hurt it back.

All that and so much more was on the tip of his tongue, but they wouldn't come out, wouldn't risk shattering the abnormal silence around them for fear of somehow fucking everything up.

Okay, so maybe he was more than just a bit scared as well, he could admit it. But there was no way they could stand there forever!

"Saruhiko...what--"

"He's in there," the taller spoke, level and neutral despite the anxiety he radiated.

"Huh?"

"The devil, this is where he lives no?" Saruhiko began walking forward stiffly, pulling Yata along with seemingly renewed courage. He clicked his tongue, a welcome response that Yata had actually grown to miss. "Useless. Nagare said we'd be evaluated at the gate, why does he need to meet with us?"

Regardless of the displeasure laced in the tone, Yata felt the need to ground Saruhiko in some way, like the other had always done for him. They looked out for each other, but in this case, Yata probably couldn't convince Saruhiko otherwise.

Saruhiko was afraid of Mikoto-san. He had been since the very first moment, in spite of the man's laid back exterior and the help he'd offered. Yata couldn't understand, but he wouldn't hold it against Saruhiko, he couldn't control it. Besides, if Mikoto-san was the devil, or something similar, then surely there was some reason to worry...right?

Although, compared to the secretive nature of Munakata, Yata couldn't say he didn't respect Mikoto-san just a bit more.

His own feelings aside, he'd be there for Saruhiko, no matter what.

"I don't know but...whatever he has to tell us, we can handle it. I'm sure it'll be over soon," Yata tried, stepping in between the taller and the door as they came to it. He wanted Saruhiko to look at him, really see him, and know he wasn't lying. "Whatever happens, it's you and me at the end of it, got that?"

One way or another, they'd both come through.

Saruhiko seemed to know that without Yata having to say it aloud too, because he gladly closed the distance between them, resting his forehead on Yata's with closed eyes. It was like he was taking in the moment as much as he could, like it was the last time.

Yata wouldn’t let himself worry about what that could mean.

Instead, he waited until the other pulled away, wordless as he nodded, and moved them towards the door.

--

Old, torn tapestries lined the unstable walls of the room, tattered paintings and chipped vases lying about the floor.

Saruhiko didn't care though, had no curiosity left in him when it came to the afterlife. He didn't bother listening to Misaki's mumblings about "Suoh dynasty artifacts" or anything alike. Of course, he'd connected the dots long ago, knew it had something to do with the devil's past, but he didn't have it in him to be interested. Knowledge or not, insight or none, he'd had enough. He had no desire to be there, in front of Mikoto, but at least he'd expected it. And now? The guy was nowhere to be found, not even lounging in the seat at the center of the room unperturbed, in the way Saruhiko so loathed.

Typical.

Misaki was still poking around, but even he eventually felt antsy, pacing around the small space with energy Saruhiko couldn't believe he possessed. It was a miracle Saruhiko himself was standing at all.

Misaki wasn't having it though, fighting his exhaustion. He was much too anxious for the outcome of the journey to finally be revealed, but probably anticipated it more than Saruhiko, who was trying his best to keep his fear in check. However, watching Misaki search around was at least a welcomed distraction. That hadn’t changed, his desire to keep his eyes on Misaki, the other’s bright eyes and fiery demeanor being all it took for Saruhiko to see light in the world, if just for a second.

At that moment it was harder though, getting that same rush, when Misaki was so eagerly trying to find out the conclusion of what had been an uncertain, but terrible, journey. Much to Saruhiko's confusion, the redhead even resorted to checking every corner and crevice for a sign of life.

But there was no one. No usual grunts or the dragging of heavy footsteps, no clinking of metal. No sign of the devil he'd come to so dread. Or, so he'd thought.

"I do apologize for my tardiness, I was dealing with some business."

Saruhiko whipped around as the portal closed behind Munakata, but any words of displeasure or criticism died in his throat painfully upon actually seeing the angel. Already, Saruhiko could sense something off. Munakata's usual gleam and his knowing smile were gone, replaced with slow footsteps and an austere air. It wasn't the face of someone who had good news to deliver by any means, and Saruhiko was excessively put off by the fact he himself wasn't surprised by the somberness. And yet despite this, the hope and anticipation beat hard and fast in his chest, the overwhelming pleas aching to spill from his lips.

Please let me go home.

Please let us go home.

It was all he wanted. Saruhiko felt like a sniveling child from the sheer desperation alone, and he redirected that anger at Munakata himself, who really shouldn't have been standing there in the first place.

Just send us home.

That was how it should've worked no? He didn't want congratulations or to be seen off. So how come...

Again, his stomach protested, aware of the gravity of the situation before Saruhiko allowed himself to fully acknowledge it. The denial inside him grew more and more. Not even having Munakata there, instead of Mikoto, did much to relieve the apprehension.

Part of him knew. Part of him had known since leaving Nagare's. But he denied and denied, deflecting the blame elsewhere, anywhere, even to the angel before them.

"What are you doing here?" Saruhiko spat, voice shaking, and Misaki too muttered in annoyed agreement.

"Yeah, where's Mikoto-san?"

Munakata's calm steps halted, and his brow quirked, the first sign of a not so grim emotion since he'd stepped into view. It was gone shortly however, giving way to his steady gaze and careful words. "I can see your confusion, given what Change told you, and I apologize for lying. However, I felt it necessary to speak with you, and the duty falls to me regardless I'm afraid. Suoh was left to deal with other matters, though I assure you, he can see and hear everything."

Saruhiko clicked his tongue, a plethora of responses bubbling up inside him, on the tip of his tongue. What was Mikoto good for? Where was the reasoning behind him having such high power? Maybe the devil needed to be so uncaring, dealing with lost souls and the depths of hell. But something about this was grating on his nerves, and he couldn't fathom why it was sticking to his thoughts, like a germ. He hated not being able to figure things out, and in this case it was especially irritating. He knew nothing, other than something was off.

Well, at least it provided a mild distraction from Saruhiko's true predicament, and why they were there in the first place. Munakata's solemn tone...

Again, he deflected, voice choppy and irritated, because he needed to be angry at someone, lest he lose it before his suspicions were actually clarified.

Denial, denial. Deflect, avoid. That's all you do, huh?

Saruhiko hissed to himself, glaring into the void where Munakata happened to be standing and--goddamnit, why are we here?

"What, can't do his own job?" Saruhiko glanced towards the seat in the center of the room, the unspoken meaning reaching Munakata easily. Mikoto's lack of presence was becoming more of a source of anxiety than relief for Saruhiko, as if the other were off plotting something or...or he didn't know what. He didn't know shit. But Mikoto wasn't there, and it couldn't be good, right?

All he has to do is sit around. He can't do that right?

The fact that Misaki wasn't even defending Mikoto was also strange, but understandable. The redhead was getting impatient next to him, fidgeting constantly. Saruhiko could tell from simply being next to him; Misaki radiated agitation, and he nearly reached over in some awkward show of comfort, when the flash of something starved lit up Munakata's face. Waiting, expecting.

Saruhiko and Misaki both inhaled for reasons unknown, and while Munakata looked no less grim overall, his mouth twitched up ruefully.

"Ah...quite. I suppose hell is a tough place to manage," he spoke carefully, turning around with grace to begin walking to the throne. "It would be advisable for the rightful deity to take his place here when it is required. Order is important, as I’ve said before. I'm glad you can see that, Fushimi-kun."

Munakata sat elegantly, falling into the seat with familiar ease and comfort, his cane sitting perfectly against the armrest, and Saruhiko's mind finally pieced the fragments together, the revelation a slap to the face.

Order.

“I know it’s true for Munakata-san especially, he likes order, so this job is quite painful for him."

The true reasons behind Totsuka's words. The insinuation that order was hard to maintain.

The way Munakata stared at heaven as if it was something truly novel, a place he was not allowed to go.

The fact that Munakata had refused to step through the portal when dropping them off in the utopia.

He'd been unable to.

Because Munakata wasn't in charge of heaven, was he?

Of course. Of course.

Order is important, needed, when dealing with chaos. When dealing with...

"It's you," Saruhiko breathed out, his body torn between relaxing and backing away as quickly as possible. It was a strange mix, the part of him which knew he should be afraid, and the part which continued to respect Munakata regardless. "It's always been you."

To feel betrayed, relieved, or just plain stupid, he couldn't decide.

Munakata tilted his head, as if honored with the realization. Saruhiko was mostly at a loss, Misaki jolting him a few times in worry, and it kept Saruhiko grounded to reality in some way at the very least.

"Wait, Saruhiko...what's--" Misaki glanced anxiously between the ang--well, Munakata and Saruhiko, frantically trying to catch up with what was happening. Well, so was Saruhiko.

The biggest let down of the situation was probably the joke which was Mikoto. Mikoto, who'd been the real angel all along.

Fuck.

"He's the devil, this whole time and he never said anything," Saruhiko seethed, unable to form any coherence for his anger to come out. Luckily, Misaki had no problem with it. The redhead blinked, showing only a fraction of the shock Saruhiko felt, probably less put off given his dislike for Munakata anyhow, but he still managed to gape and jolt away from the deity.

"What...what the hell?! That's--"

"In my respectful defense, you are the ones who assumed," Munakata sighed quietly, and the pitying gaze from before had returned. "And it wasn't pertinent information in my eyes. My domain does not change my desire to help you. It doesn't alter my sympathy or personality." He paused, violet eyes flitting to the ground for half of a second. But it was enough, it was enough for Saruhiko to feel unwavering fear all over again, the mantra increasing in volume inside him.

You lied.

You lied.

You lied.

And the worst part was, he wasn't talking about Munakata.

"Nor..." Munakata rose from his seat once more, bowing in an apology which would never make any of this okay. "Nor does it change how sorry I am for what I'm about to tell you."

Saruhiko dared not meet Misaki's concerned eyes, all too convinced he was no longer worthy of the gaze.

--

For Yata, the words went by too fast, his heart speeding up just to stall once again in a fit of dread.

"Yata-kun, it is with my deepest admiration that I commend you for this success." Munakata smiled softly at him, but his eyes twinkled with a deep regret which Yata couldn’t understand. "You will be allowed to return home, and it will all be the same as before. You should be immensely proud of yourself."

Those were it, the words he’d wanted to hear all along. Yet now, they seemed unreal, untrue, like it would be snatched away in an instant in some cruel test.

There was just silence though, Munakata sad smile, and the weight of the sentence filling the room.

You will be allowed to return home.

His knees threatened to collapse under him, sending him to the dirty floor, the happiness taking on a weight which he had no idea how to hold. Yata stopped hearing anything else, the urge to cry hard to resist as he repeated the words to himself.

You can go home. You did it. You'll see mom and everyone, and--

As the words settled in his mind, he got stuck on one aspect, and his eyes burned more with unshed tears. Confused, he spoke, his voice soft and disbelieving. "Wait...the same as before, you mean--"

Munakata tilted his head forward, and Yata nearly burst from the relief blooming in his heart. "Nagare's trial was a test, but none of the consequences were real. I’m afraid time and reality can only be manipulated so much. We just needed to see if you could rise to the challenge, and you did. You may keep your art, and the skills associated with it."

The tears spilled, washing over his face, probably blending with his dirt caked skin unattractively, but what did he care? It had been a test, it hadn’t been real, he could go back to his work! At the mention of Nagare, he thought he heard Saruhiko choke, but Yata was too far overcome with joy to take it as anything other than surprise, and his first instinct was to crush Saruhiko in a hug. So he did.

Saruhiko was tense against him, but Yata hoped he could feel the gratitude and love laced in the gesture. It was lame, but Yata didn’t know what else to do. He was just…so thankful Saruhiko had agreed to come with him, couldn’t imagine not knowing or being without Saruhiko. When they were back to their lives, he’d show it properly, they’d do things the normal way. Or well, as normal as they could manage. Yata pulled away, wiping the water from his eyes hastily, but fresh tears appeared in the wake of old.

Was this real? He hoped. He wanted it to be more than anything else. Going home, with Saruhiko, getting to do what he loved again...

He knew they could do it. Knew it from the first moment.

Yata wondered if kissing Saruhiko would make the other upset right then...

Probably best to wait. For now Yata laughed, hanging off Saruhiko’s arm to balance himself. "Saruhiko! Did you hear that? You'll see your friends, it'll all be the same and—

Munakata cleared his throat at the same time Saruhiko cringed, as if struck, and the atmosphere of restoration was promptly erased, kicked to the ground cruelly as Saruhiko stared down, avoiding Yata’s gaze. Stubbornly, and with heavy denial of the strangling tension around them, Yata grabbed his face, tilting his chin up to get a better look.

It confirmed the worst. Yata's smiled dimmed as soon as he saw Saruhiko's expression, the harsh lines of guilt and distraught piercing a sword in Yata's side from how much he hated seeing the other in pain. Why was he in pain? It was so odd, because it wasn't shared this time, and it bothered Yata more than anything. They had made it...and Yata was happy, so deliriously happy, and Saruhiko should've been too.

But he wasn’t, and the fact something must be wrong to cause such a thing, made Yata’s chest ache.

"Saru..."

"I'm afraid, Fushimi-kun's case is different." Munakata spared them both, his voice calling them to look up, and suddenly, Yata didn’t want to hear what he had to say at all. The deity took a deep breath, the pause far too long for Yata’s liking before he began. “During the trial of Change, I’m afraid Fushimi-kun was not honest, a major requirement for the test. I’m sure you know that though, Fushimi-kun.”

Lied? How—

But he recalled Saruhiko’s hesitance, the strain in his voice when he’d answered yes to Nagare’s question. Yata knew, he knew, but he really wished he was wrong.

Yata prayed for it to be false, for Saruhiko to protest, but when the taller could only bow his head mournfully, the panic inside Yata completely revealed itself. He babbled, breathing harsh, and stepped in front of Saruhiko like a shield, one last time. “O-okay so, just…just ask him something else! I mean it wasn’t real anyways, it doesn’t—”

“I’m afraid I cannot do that. Fushimi-kun, you failed the trial, and in the Return, you either check every box, or you do not move on. I need to know you understand this.” Munakata’s eyes crinkled with sadness, and Yata shook his head furiously, enraged at being pushed aside but desperate to help Saruhiko. But he was powerless, he couldn’t do anything. It wasn’t him who had failed.

But what kind of bullshit was that? How could anyone tell Saruhiko, after everything he’d done, he’d failed. Yata thought he’d surely be sick, the grief and protectiveness swirling together in a helpless cocktail, and all he could do was stand there as Saruhiko forced his head up, looking like a kicked dog.

“I…understand.”

No.

Yata couldn’t hear this, wouldn’t hear this.

He yelled, the tears coming back, his words choked. “Saruhiko! You—”

You have to come back with me, you’re supposed to come back with me!

A life without Saruhiko, someone he’d come to trust so fully, to crave and picture by his side…it was impossible. There was no way. Please, fight this!

Saruhiko trembled violently beside him, caging in the rage or disappointment he must’ve felt, Yata didn’t know. All he knew was Saruhiko was the image of utter defeat, and it wasn’t right. The taller made no move to plead or cry, his face stricken, eyes clouding over, as if nothing could reach him but Munakata’s final words.

“It is clear then. I’m deeply regretful things turned out this way, but over this, I have no control. Please…forgive me.” Munakata pressed on however, ignoring any of Yata’s outbursts, and the redhead never wanted to lash out at someone more. The deity pulled out two folders from his jacket, leafing through one with apparent guilt, and he delivered the words Yata had been dreading. “According to your file, you are ineligible for return from the afterlife. Yata-kun, it pains me to say it, but you will be traveling alone.”

Alone.

The words hit him cruelly, stealing the warmth from his chest and the clarity from his mind. Saruhiko wasn’t coming with him.

Saruhiko…

Yata snapped. “N-no! No, that’s not right, you can’t do this!” Yata screamed at Munakata, face flushed, but a sullen frown was all that was offered him. He clawed at his face from the frustration, drowning in his own denial as his knuckles turned white from fisting in his hair. “Fuck!” The singular word was pathetic, drenched in weakness as he struggled to breath.

“Misaki.”

The soft voice was what grounded him, the lost quality of it making him want to lead the source to safety. Yata’s body whipped around, and he turned his full attention to Saruhiko, who was staring at the ground aimlessly.

It was too reminiscent of how he had looked in the tomb, broken, unwilling to move, and Yata wanted nothing more than to shake him out of it. Tell him he could keep going…

But they were at the end, and there truly was nowhere else to go.

Yata flew to him, barely keeping them both from falling over, and buried his face in Saruhiko’s neck. “I’m sorry…Saru I’m so—I…” I wish I could fix this. “Don’t…”

Don’t leave me. Huh, how funny the demand was, when Yata was the one leaving.

The tears spilled anew.

“I failed,” Saruhiko lamented, the tone too much for Yata to take. “It had…nothing to do with you.”

“I don’t care!” Goddamnit! You don’t get it! “You…you’re supposed to come with me, and we’ll play video games and go on d-dates like normal people and go to the stupid wedding rehearsal, and…and…”

And go to the bar.

See movies.

Get an apartment.

Be there for each other.

Grow old properly.

“I know,” Saruhiko faltered, arms hesitantly coming up to grip Yata’s sleeves, hands clenching furiously in the tattered fabric. “But I can’t.”

“I can’t.”

The small admission, which begged forgiveness all on its own, broke the last of Yata’s hope, and he pulled Saruhiko closer, until the space between them was nonexistent, as it always should be.

“I’ll miss you. So much,” Yata stuttered, and his teeth drew blood from his bottom lip, barely containing another outburst. He felt like there was so much left to tell the other, but those words…those were the most important in that moment. “Saruhiko I…” I won’t forget you, so you’d better not forget me.

“Yeah,” Saruhiko barely managed to stammer, inhaling Yata’s scent one last time, arms falling to his sides to hold Yata’s hands in his, savoring the feeling. “Me too.”

For Yata, it was unfair on so many levels, the anguish tearing him apart without mercy. It was how it was though, wasn’t it? There was no stopping it. He had to—

“Misaki…you should…” Saruhiko’s voice croaked pathetically, like the words were some of the hardest for him to say. Maybe they were, from the way Saruhiko had learned to cling to things. The taller probably thought it was foolish, and the possibility made Yata want to hug him all over again, envelop him in warmth and tell him it wasn’t true. It was okay to grieve, if he wanted to. But what proof was there? Yata was leaving, alone, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Saruhiko gave one last weak squeeze to Yata’s hand. “You should go.”

It’s time, being the hidden meaning. Yata could’ve never imagined being given the gift of life would leave such a bad taste in his mouth, would make him hesitate. He’d been gone so long, he missed everyone greatly, but without Saruhiko, could he really consider the journey back a success? The answer was a resounding no.

And yet, he would have to shoulder the weight of it, until death came for him again.

“Yes,” Munakata said, finally stepping towards them and pulling out Yata’s folder. “I believe the hour of your departure is finally upon us, whenever you’re ready of course.”

The feeling of Saruhiko’s hand slipping out of his made his shoulders slump, and it became harder to swallow. After cherishing the connection for so long, losing it was as if part of him was being clipped away. Whenever he was ready? How was he supposed to respond to that? He had no more words left in him which mattered. Yet he knew when he returned home he’d regret the thought, because there’d always be more he’d want to tell Saruhiko, always more he wished he’d said.

“I think I love you.” Well, at least he’d had the guts to admit it.

Instead of speaking, he nodded stiffly, shudders wracking his frame as Saruhiko’s glassy eyes stared after him, tired, a husk of the brave man Yata had stood by on the journey.

Yata stood in the center of the room, fixing Munakata with a reluctant stare, because looking at anything other than Saruhiko at that moment felt like a mistake, and waited.

The ground beneath him shook, but he paid no mind to it, one thought crossing his mind as he saw Saruhiko sink to the ground at last, defeated.

Goodbye.

The words were in his head, but they weren’t right, and he refused to say them, only watching with agony as the image of Saruhiko faded before him, alluding him for a long time to come.

“Yata Misaki. Age twenty-one, born on July 20th. Returned on the evening of August 14th.”

--

--

“He doesn’t move.” It wasn’t one of Munakata’s usual observations, the ones said with slight wonder and amusement. It was a cold fact, devoid of everything except pity.

“He doesn’t,” Mikoto repeated, and Munakata could hear the silent ‘of course he won’t’ added into the mix. He didn’t feel the need to comment on it. After all, he understood, though he’d never personally coped with his own circumstances in such a way. When he’d been robbed of his life, his potential, he peeled back the grief to find opportunity. He’d made a new role for himself, embraced the duties which came with looking after mankind.

But Fushimi, his story was different.

The young man in question shifted in his spot on the floor, a rare disturbance to the stillness he’d been displaying over the past six months. All of time was like a flowing stream to Munakata, to all those like him. It changed and passed quickly, the years and decades rushing together. How long did it feel for Fushimi, he wondered, those six months since Yata Misaki’s departure.

He took one tentative step forward on the clean tile, his shoes making a distinct slick in the empty meeting room as he approached the pool, watching as Fushimi sunk further against the wall in hell’s throne room.

No changes, no words. What would it take to instill within Fushimi the same drive Munakata himself had adopted upon finding himself in the afterlife?

He raised his hand, moving as if to summon a portal. Surely, in time Fushimi would—

“Don’t.”

The gruff voice froze him mid-step, and Munakata was honestly shocked, which was rare. He’d known Mikoto long before their death, and while he could be reckless and impulsive, Munakata had grown to anticipate many of his actions. Well, at least before Fushimi and Yata had showed up. It seemed as if both of the young men had thrown them both through a loop.

Never in all my centuries…

“Don’t? And why is that?” Munakata replied without turning to face his partner.

“You’ve tried already,” Mikoto said, and Munakata could hear him as he rose from his chair, loud footsteps echoing in the silence. “He didn’t want to listen.”

At that, Munakata actually graced him with eye contact, turning with a questioning arch of his brow. Mikoto hadn’t said anything about Fushimi since the other had fallen into despair, and Munakata figured he simply hadn’t wanted to bother concerning himself with another lost soul, since it was Munakata’s job after all. Fushimi had never shown any particular fondness for Mikoto, quite the opposite, and the two seemed to be at a standstill when it came to conversation. He’d figured most of Mikoto’s favor was with Yata, someone more suited to his values. But apparently, that wasn’t the complete case.

Mikoto was correct too of course, though Munakata was not pleased with the knowledge or outcome of his efforts. Fushimi had refused him many times in the past few months, every word of advice or solace seemed to travel into one ear and out the other. Munakata had finally relented, realizing the situation was one Fushimi would need to come to terms with on his own.

Though now, Munakata was questioning if he ever would.

He lowered his hand, gripping his cane as he reasoned aloud. “Perhaps you’re right. Leaving him be is—”

“Lemme talk to ‘im.”

“Pardon?”

Mikoto was beside him now, looking into the pool with an unnatural calmness, and the genuine emotion shining in his eyes had Munakata aghast. It wasn’t normal for Mikoto to exchange pleasantries with anyone, even he and Munakata would seldom talk for long periods of time, but in these circumstances, it was completely out of character. Not to mention, it wasn’t the most practical idea given Fushimi’s obvious dislike of him, and reluctance to comply.

“What makes you believe he will talk to you and not me? It’s obvious he never took a shine to your presence,” Munakata informed, trying not to let any of his shock bleed into his voice.

What was Mikoto thinking now? Surely it couldn’t be good, and Munakata would certainly be able to deduce such given the other’s elaboration.

And of course, Mikoto ignored his question completely. “He won’t ever wanna be here Munakata, not now. He’s not you.”

He’s not you.

Munakata could’ve countered the statement in many ways, could’ve said that he certainly knew that, it was obvious. Could’ve supplied how Fushimi’s thought process complimented his in many ways regardless of that, or how Fushimi was going through a hard transition period and that was it. It all would’ve worked, would’ve been an appropriate response had anyone else said it, with no hidden meaning or need for context.

But they didn’t work. They would never work, because Munakata knew Mikoto. He knew what the words truly meant.

He’ll never adjust. He’ll never be satisfied being here, when he’d so much rather be there. Nothing you say or hope for will change that.

He wants to live.

Life, Munakata thought, how badly had he ever wanted that? Certainly not as much as Fushimi, certainly not as much as Mikoto, who had both tried to get it back tirelessly. That was what he’d misunderstood. The solemn weight of the realization was harsher than he cared for. After all, if Fushimi never adjusted, he’d sit there, on the floor, for all of eternity. Someone with so much potential…wasted.

But…

There was a sudden spark in his mind, a curiosity about the partner beside him. What would Mikoto accomplish, talking to Fushimi?

The pool rippled beneath them, the young man in it remained unmoving, and for Munakata, it was less than tolerable.

He sighed finally, evaporating the tension between them, and finally turned to fully face the other. He only had one more question. Even if he will never be like me… “I doubt he is like you either. What can you possibly offer?”

Mikoto’s shoulder blades shook slightly, the apparent amusement in the air grating on Munakata’s nerves, like he’d somehow yet to acknowledge the obvious. Or maybe he was hesitant to.

Mikoto reached up, tugging at his old ear piercing, the last connection he chose to have with Totsuka Tatara, even though he resided within Mikoto’s own domain. Totsuka, who Mikoto had foolishly attempted and failed the Return for.

Munakata remembered. Mikoto had fallen into grief shortly after, deaf to Munakata’s chidings about how he’d surely see Totsuka again, how the younger boy would forgive his broken promises, how he’d move on. It had all seemed so pointless to him at the time, Mikoto’s rage over the loss of life when he had the chance to make more of himself in heaven, watching over souls of the dead and knowing the secrets of the universe.

At one time, he’d probably called it selfish, not realizing that it was love instead.

The desperation for return, the guilt of failure, Munakata knew none of it. What Munakata had desired all those centuries ago, it had meant nothing to Mikoto, when compared to a life with Totsuka.

To Fushimi, there was nothing worth any value, when compared to a life with those he held dear.

He backed away from the pool, relenting without waiting for Mikoto’s elaboration. He knew it already.

Understanding.

Mikoto could give that, if nothing else. How it would help Fushimi in any way, Munakata did not know, but at this point, it was worth the attempt. He nodded to Mikoto, a reaffirmation of his trust in the other man, and waited. “I do hope you know what you’re doing.”

“Mm, I do.”

And with his final inkling of dread quelled, Munakata opened the portal.

--

“What do you want?”

Munakata nearly startled; he hadn’t heard Fushimi’s voice in such a long time, and it wasn’t even addressing him. Mikoto still stood in the meeting room, facing Fushimi but unable to enter the space of hell, and Munakata had chosen to make himself scarce from view. While he did like being there for Fushimi, something told him whatever Mikoto had in mind would work best with just the two of them.

It didn’t quell his skepticism.

Fushimi’s eyes had quivered upon seeing Mikoto through the portal, and while fear was not the emotion Munakata would’ve preferred from the other, he was glad there was something.

Mikoto shrugged his shoulders, and Munakata watched from the pool as Fushimi’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Just to talk.”

“No thanks, goodbye.” Fushimi huddled in on himself, trying his very best to meld into the wall behind him.

But Mikoto didn’t budge, stayed put and going as far as to kneel to the other’s level, in a very subtle pressuring gesture. It was a tactic Munakata would not have tried, and was surprised Mikoto had as well. Pushing, regardless of different reasons for it, was not something either of them liked to do.

It had the desired effect though, because while Fushimi may have simply ignored anyone else for ages, it was obvious Mikoto’s presence was making him uncomfortable. The young man began to fidget, the most movement Munakata had seen from him in a while, until it was impossible for him to completely avoid Mikoto’s searing golden stare. The air between them was frozen, heavy in a way which was too unsettling given the amicable reasons for the visit. What was Mikoto doing? Munakata was about to step in, displeased with the caged animal routine; such things were an insult to all Fushimi had gone through, there was no point to thi--

Fushimi snarled, voice as loud as he would allow it in his exhausted state. “What? What do you want? Munakata has said enough, there’s no need for you to come and half ass the same words.”

“You’ve given up,” Mikoto continues, undisturbed by the outburst, and Fushimi flinched notably.

“No shit, there’s not much left to do.” Fushimi was wary, Munakata could sense it, and well, he couldn’t blame him. From the conversation alone and on its face, it sounded very much like Mikoto was trying to provoke him somehow, reminding him of his faults and pitiful situation. But Mikoto was not cruel.

“That’s not like you.”

“The hell do you know about me?” Fushimi spat, his tone laced with venom and helplessness, as if it was the first day all over again, when he’d fallen to his knees in desperation, loss… “I tried, I tried way more than I ever have or should have, and it wasn’t enough.”

Mikoto didn’t back down, undeterred, and Munakata watched as Fushimi opened up, no matter how upset. Surely this couldn’t solve all his problems, whatever Mikoto’s aim was. Though now, Munakata had a vague idea of his partner’s goal. Fushimi was right, there wasn’t anything left to do, but Mikoto understood the frustration which came along with that. Instead of trying to get him to move on like Munakata had, perhaps it was Mikoto’s goal to help Fushimi bear the experience, to function despite never being able to rid himself of it.

Still, something in Munakata’s mind questioned that as well.

Mikoto continued, calm as ever, refusing to move away from the shaking man across from him. “I read your file, saw you during the Return. You’re sposed to like problem solving, finding other ways—”

“I failed the other way! Or were you not there? There’s nothing left to do, so go away! I’m sure you know what that’s like huh? Not being able to get it right...” Fushimi’s voice did its best to sound cruel, but it quivered with suppressed emotions, the words rushed and barely audible.

The image of Mikoto, defeated and wounded, flashed in Munakata’s mind, along with memories of a life he’d happily left behind.

He does, he knows all too well.

The silence between them fell once more, and even Munakata was worried Fushimi had hit a sore spot for his partner. It had been so long since Mikoto’s attempt at Return, since Totsuka, but Munakata knew deep down Mikoto never stopped thinking about it, would always feel guilty for not succeeding. Even now, with Totsuka available to him whenever he wished, Mikoto stayed away, showing a cowardice and commitment which Munakata had never thought possible from him. He and Mikoto would not oversee the afterlife forever, their job wasn’t permanent, though their post was grueling and they were tethered to it for centuries. But it would come to an end, their reign, and they’d be allowed to retire to heaven as new beings took over, occasionally training the newcomers in the ways of the job. Munakata always wondered if Mikoto was waiting for that time, to finally speak with his beloved again…

“I don’t wanna see him, until I can be with him forever.”

That was what Mikoto had told him, all those centuries ago. As if every moment mattered.

“You’re right,” Mikoto said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “I did. I wanted to be with the person I left behind, and when I couldn’t, I gave up, just like you.”

Of course, you had no choice. Giving up was the sole option, I tried to tell you, all that time ago.

It was only when Mikoto had finally listened and picked himself up that his mood had improved, he’d begun to speak again, engage with Munakata and the other deities. It’s what Munakata wanted for Fushimi, movement, speech, some form of acceptance.

But he’s in hell, forced to live in it. You have unlimited knowledge and omnipotence. It is not the same.

Yes, Mikoto was right. Munakata didn’t fully understand Fushimi’s despair, never would. But neither would Mikoto, sitting on heaven’s throne. It didn’t matter what hardships the two knew of and shared. Fushimi was another soul, sadly lost to hell’s barren landscape.

Munakata moved forward, set on pulling Mikoto away, when a sound cut through the air. Fushimi exhaled a loud, shaky breath, huffing in forced amusement, repeating words Munakata had already come to acknowledge despite himself. “See then? I get it. You’re telling me I should try to cope with it, well I won’t, so you can—”

What he hadn’t expected, was Mikoto’s response.

“No, don’t cope with it. I wish I hadn’t. I was dealing with myself so much that by the time I thought of somethin’ else, he was dead. It was too late, I let him down. You don’t have to let your people down.” Mikoto smiled serenely at the floor as he rose up, leaving a gaping Fushimi in his wake. Munakata was no less shocked. It was a familiar sign, watching Mikoto stuff his hands into his pockets, one which often told Munakata of his partner’s finality, his boredom. Mikoto was finished, he’d said what he’d wanted, and it had done no one any good.

What had been the point? Fushimi didn’t need to feel worse about the situation, was Mikoto giving him permission to wallow in self-pity forever? A conversation was not needed for such a thing.

So why…

“You’re smart.” Mikoto said with a shrug as the portal began to close, gruff but loud enough for Fushimi to still hear, facing away as he walked back to his worn out chair. “Think about your problem, figure it out.”

The portal closed with a slash just as Mikoto was getting settled, and Munakata was at a loss for words, unable to yell or object as those golden eyes closed in certainty, feigning sleep.

--

Saruhiko sat stunned on the filthy cement beneath him, his eyes never leaving the spot Mikoto had occupied. He couldn’t pinpoint how he was feeling, but could recognize it wasn’t the usual emptiness he’d been cultivating. He hated it.

He was frustrated, enraged, and even more humiliated than before, the familiar surges of desperation pulling at his heartstrings. They were all back again, the grief, the resentment, and for what? So Mikoto could dangle a lost dream in front of his face? So he could rub it in? Or was it really necessary to restate obvious facts? Or maybe it truly was unfair, a way to say ‘ha, you’re like me now, but not really, because you’re stuck here and I’m not.’ What a fucking waste of time. Saruhiko wasn’t a stranger to cruelty, not by a long shot, but to think he couldn’t be spared now of all times, in his pathetic state, was a good kick in the ribs.

Figure it out? Figure what out?

Pointless. Munakata had tried already, to make him see other ways of making himself useful. Munakata had actually pardoned him of hell’s true nature, of having to live out his personal one like all the other lost souls, if only because the devil was weirdly fond of him. Or maybe because it wouldn’t matter, nothing could be worse than what he’d already done. Munakata had instead let him waste away here on the floor, trying to speak with him and offer him insight into the secrets of mankind. He wanted none of it.

There was nothing to figure out. He knew what he wanted, and he couldn’t have it. So, he would sit there, for all of eternity, until he lost his mind.

Saruhiko’s sole comfort through all of it, was knowing Misaki had made it out. Misaki would be someone, would make the life he wanted. Saruhiko wasn’t as bitter as he would have expected, but then again, he had changed a bit. Part of him ached sure, always asking why he hadn’t been enough, why Misaki had to go without him. But no, he’d always push those thoughts away the second they entered his mind. The last thing he would want was Misaki here, seeing him in this wretched state.

Saruhiko couldn’t help but laugh, devoid of any real amusement. Figure it out, sure. The rules of the Return had never allowed for any autonomy, not truly. It decided every trial, made its judgements without mercy. The rules were still clear though, nothing to work through or around, damning whoever was foolish enough to take up the task.

It was strange to remember now, his initial reluctance, and Misaki’s overbearing enthusiasm as Munakata coaxed them into the journey he was unable to regret, no matter how futile it had been. As if wishing to torture himself more, Saruhiko dully recited each rule to himself, noting the simplicity with clenched fists as he whispered each one into the stale air.

1. The Return is a journey. A dangerous one, and it never gets easier, no matter how many people attempt it.

He remembered reciting the contract, Misaki’s hand on his as they promised to endure it together. He recalled Munakata’s chilling words, about how no one had ever succeeded, how the closest person had collapsed just before reaching the gates. Well, guess there was one person now at least.

2. The route of the journey changes every time, it is impossible to predict what’s on it.

The changing landscape, the buildings and structures which would simply disappear along with doorways to caves and deserts.

3. If you fail, you are automatically sorted into hell by default.

Saruhiko glanced at his surroundings, the torn tapestries and distant screams painting a grim picture. He heard Totsuka’s voice, reminding him how those in hell were not allowed to see their loved ones, to watch over them…

And then there was Munakata’s, pitiful and apologetic as Saruhiko was forced to separate from Misaki. “Hell is not the same for everyone, it takes one’s worst fears, and makes them live it for eternity.” Little did he know that sparing Saruhiko, allowing him to sit there alone in his own misfortune, was basically the same thing.

4. Once you begin the journey, there is no turning back.

The stairway from heaven, and the door with the writing, warning him of a fate worse than death itself. Misaki had tolerated none of it though, determination fierce as ever.

"As if something like that is gonna stop me anyways."

In the end, he’d been right.

5. There are no guidelines, but it is wise to stay on the path at all times.

He hadn’t. Misaki had been right there alongside him, pulling him in the right direction, while Saruhiko did the same for him. Saruhiko wouldn’t let go of Misaki’s hand for anything, something which had started out as a fear of separation had quickly morphed into a simple yearning for the touch. It backfired regardless though, hadn’t it?

6. The journey ends, truly ends, upon touching hell’s gates. Then you are evaluated.

And that was all.

There was no secret, no real place he could call foul and reverse his judgement. He’d done what was asked, put his trust into a system which promised him nothing, and had been rejected.

Do the journey. Stay on the path. Touch the gates. Receive judgement.

Right. Fucking right.

Saruhiko felt his shoulders start to shake, whether from sobs or anger he didn’t know. Damn Mikoto, putting the thoughts in his head. Perhaps this was true suffering after all, the mocking rules echoing in his head forever as he laid on the floor, a broken slump.

When the side of his face touched the cold cement of the ground, he didn’t notice. Didn’t care.

Do the journey. Stay on the path. Touch the gates. Receive judgement.

Do the journey. Stay on the path. Touch the gates. Receive judgement.

Do the journey. Stay on the path. Touch the gates. Receive judgement.

Do the journey.

Stay on the path.

Touch the gates.

Receive judgement.

Do the…

Saruhiko’s eyes shot open, his body lurching in on itself as his throat closed up.

It all stopped, as if he was experiencing death over again, the suddenness of the realization too heavy, too painfully obvious.

There was no way though. It couldn’t be…

Figure it out, he’d said.

Problem solving.

Another way.

Do the journey. Stay on the path. Touch the gates. Receive judgement.

Saruhiko felt bumps rise on his skin as he propped himself up on his elbows, the hard cement digging in without forgiveness. All the while, he felt none of it, the rules hammering away at his psyche, now with less mockery, and more insight. All along…

Those are the only rules. There’s no more. There’s no restriction for—

“Damn it,” Saruhiko whispered, the two syllables slicing through the air, eliminating any other unnecessary sound for him to process. Damn it all.

“I was dealing with myself so much that by the time I thought of somethin’ else, he was dead.”

Something else, of course. Maybe Saruhiko hadn’t completely rid himself of his selfish tendencies after all. To not realize the clear answer. It was impossible though. Wasn’t it? The solution was too much, too difficult, it couldn’t be do—

“Who the fuck cares? There’s a chance we’ll live again! Isn’t that enough?”

“C’mon! Don’t you have anyone you miss? Or that misses you?”

“I think I love you, Saruhiko.”

No. It could most definitely be done. He’d make sure of it.

Saruhiko knew where he belonged, and it wasn’t here. Not yet. The fact that an angel—Mikoto of all people, had finally made him realize he should change things, only managed to settle in his stomach with mild discomfort.

Saruhiko supposed he could call them even. He didn’t have time to be petty about useless things, it wasn’t in his nature anymore. There was a lot to be done, and while he had time, he couldn’t get started fast enough. For the first time in months, he rose to his feet, his legs trembling from the sudden movement and adrenaline running through him.

He stretched out his muscles, ignoring the uncertainties threatening to run in his brain, deeming them worthless. He thought of Misaki, his home, and it weighed out whatever doubt lingered. Saruhiko was sure it would come back, it always did, was sure his strength would stutter every now and again, but for now, he used every ounce of determination to propel himself forward to the center of the throne room.

Saruhiko stared up at the ceiling, a rueful smile finding its way onto his face, and took what should have been the most obvious step from the beginning.

“Munakata, I need an audience.”

--

There was a time, a few years back, when Saruhiko would routinely find Enomoto in his house upon arriving home, crouched over in the dark, and playing some new fantasy game. Saruhiko had never known exactly how the other had gotten in, but he had the lingering suspicion Seri had given him a spare key, as if it was insurance. Should something happen to her, someone had to be around to make sure he ate enough on the days he took his work home, holing himself up in the solitude he sometimes required.

He had grumbled about it constantly, about how unnecessary it was, but he never made a move to collect the keys from either of them. Besides, Enomoto’s presence was hardly invasive or unpleasant, unless something was truly on his mind, and it did happen on occasion. The other would curse at the screen a lot more, or slip up doing easy side missions, or would pause the game frequently, staring into the void of the television’s artificial light while Saruhiko clicked away on his laptop from the couch.

Saruhiko was not so good in those moments, and always felt there was something going unsaid. But, Enomoto never treated Saruhiko liked a therapist or someone to unload his problems on. If anything, Saruhiko now realized the other probably just wanted the company, while his mind navigated the storm of his emotions. Fine by him. If sitting on the uncleaned floor with a shoddy blanket and playing video games until midnight was helpful to him, Saruhiko wouldn’t complain. It wasn’t like it was inconvenient to him, or so he’d reasoned back then.

And so, one particular month, Enomoto happened to be stuck on what Saruhiko guessed was a difficult section of the game, and would not stop invading his apartment. Apparently, it was common knowledge Saruhiko had the best television out of them all. How nice.

So of course, Saruhiko had stayed too late again at the office, typing away until Hidaka had to physically threaten him to leave, and entered the living room to see the older boy there on the wood, wrapped in a blanket with his controller held tightly in his hand…

Saruhiko toed off his boots, the rain from outside echoing into his apartment before it was drowned out by the sound effects blaring from his living room.

Ah, he’s here. Fine. Only if he turns it down.

As if already knowing, the volume decreased, but Enomoto didn’t glance his way, his smoky eyes too engrossed with the boss who was making quick work of his health bar.

Oh well, it wasn’t like Saruhiko particularly cared. This was what Enomoto did, came and played his game, the silence between them comfortable, if not a bit unsettling depending on Enomoto’s mood. And then the other would leave, feeling better or the same, smile on his face and a chipper goodbye which Saruhiko half replied to, if that.

So, Saruhiko did as he always did. He ditched the notion of a greeting, and sat himself on the couch, solely concerned with the document left open on his computer as he flipped it open. This was the routine, how things normally went.

Except, there were two people involved in this situation, and one of them actually felt like breaking the mold.

For the first time, Enomoto's quiet voice filled the room, causing Saruhiko's fingers to halt in their typing from the sheer rareness of it. "Say Fushimi-san...have you ever been in a relationship?"

As he spoke, his character on the screen fell over in a bloodied mess, dead.

Saruhiko resisted the urge to scoff, choosing to roll his eyes instead. It wasn't like Enomoto could see him anyhow. "No, of course not." I don't have time for things like that.

Relationships were pointless distractions, and they seldom worked out. Saruhiko had seen many marriages and partnerships crumble over the littlest things, or from the general inability to withstand the test of time. Honestly, it was too much of an investment with no guarantee of return, and he had enough to worry about. There was no room to worry about someone else, and why should he? It wasn't his responsibility. Relationships were never fair or equal, and they lacked any real reason, surviving on impulses and emotions alone. All in all, they weren't something he concerned himself with, or had any desire to. "They're worthless."

Enomoto's shoulders deflated at the words, a small 'oh' leaving his lips as he mindlessly pressed a button on the controller, starting the mission over again. Come to think of it, it was fairly late for him to be attempting it again. Enomoto was usually gone by then, eager to get home and spend time with his boyfriend, a thought which was less than pleasing to Saruhiko himself. But whatever, it cleared his apartment faster.

Enomoto remained though, and Saruhiko stared up at the ceiling in thought, picturing the dark office with just three desk lamps still remaining turned on. The only other people at the office had been Fuse and Hidaka, and the former hadn't been in the best of moods, posture dreary and work ethic minimal. It was the opposite of usual, and Saruhiko realized that it was most likely the same reason Enomoto was sitting in his apartment late at night, unwilling to go home. Plus come to think of it, the two had hardly glanced at one of another during the briefing that morning.

Problems with Fuse...

Well, if Enomoto expected Saruhiko's help with anything concerning his relationship, he would be disappointed. Saruhiko had no wisdom to offer, and even if he did, since when was he the resident therapist? Saruhiko had better, more pressing things to do than comfort Enomoto. If the relationship was really so much trouble, he should solve it himself or ditch it completely.

Something in his stomach stirred in protest at the thought of his two coworkers breaking up, but he didn't understand it or care to explore it, so he pushed it down as quickly as it came.

"You know..." Enomoto said, more to the darkness than Saruhiko, his character doing his best to dodge a monster's attacks on the screen. "I love this game. I play it all the time."

The subject change was odd, but no less unwelcome, and again, Saruhiko had to give up typing mid-sentence. The words did somewhat peak his interest though. Had the other played this one before? Surely Saruhiko would've remembered, but looking back, he had seldom paid attention to Enomoto's newest obsessions, or the games he repeatedly played.

"Oh," he merely said, hoping the silence would return after that. If Enomoto wanted to talk about video games, he should've chatted with his online friends, not pester Saruhiko.

"I know it so well, and it's always a lot of fun," Enomoto continued, unperturbed by Saruhiko's general disinterest. "I couldn't imagine having not played it you know? But...even though it's usually great, some parts of it are still really tough to get through, and I get frustrated and have to walk away for a while."

Usually, Saruhiko would filter the conversation out, as useless as it was, but the slight waver in Enomoto's voice was his indication of something hidden beneath the surface, and he picked up on it enough to deduce that Enomoto was not talking about video games.

Saruhiko sighed, massaging his temples. Ah, so it was about Fuse still. How nice. Weird metaphors and emotional pain aside, Saruhiko also didn't do relationships for the simple fact that they made no sense whatsoever. To enjoy something which causes so many issues was idiotic, at best.

There was probably no stopping Enomoto from continuing with his own logic however, but Saruhiko hoped it would be over soon.

But no, of course he wouldn't be that fortunate. Enomoto turned around, pausing the game, his dark eyes peering shyly into Saruhiko's. "But...sometimes I'm not sure I guess..."

It was an invitation to insert advice, advice Saruhiko didn't have and didn't want to give. Really, if he wanted things to end faster, Saruhiko could tell him to not waste his time, to put the game away forever, or so to speak. However, something in him didn't sit right with that option, his stomach churning in distaste at the harshness he deliberated on delivering. What it was he wasn't sure, but he was in no mood to challenge his body's natural reaction to things, so he analyzed it from a different angle.

Well, if it was simply a video game they were talking about, what would Saruhiko do in that situation?

"I guess if you actually did want to finish the game, you'd either have to walk away for a time, or continue trying until you got it right," he said, shrugging. "Those are the only two options, unless you give up all the way, which isn't wrong, but then you wasted time and money on something you never finished, which is annoying." Saruhiko clicked his tongue, deciding to end the conversation himself by ruthlessly typing on his laptop. He had to finish this report. "Besides, if you're stupid enough to get stuck on the same game all the time without finding a way out, you probably shouldn't complain about the game in the first place. You're obviously not very good at it, or you aren't used to it. You haven't played it enough, so either play it more or stop whining about it." As he finished, he pressed the enter button on his laptop, saving his work as quiet descended upon his apartment once more. Much better.

One report done, eight more to go.

Enomoto hadn't moved from staring at him, Saruhiko could sense his eyes, but the silence was back, and he took the opportunity to move along, not worrying about any lack of sensitivity his words may have carried. Enomoto had asked, it wasn't his fault he had offered up an opinion.

Saruhiko figured he must've upset the older man significantly, if the thick air was any indication, but he ignored his own racing heart and clammy palms, signs of what he figured was guilt. Again, irritating. All he wanted to do was--

Enomoto's laughter broke through the silence, and Saruhiko's head jerked up in his direction, caught off guard by the other's beaming smile of unreserved happiness, the slight evidence of tears shining in his olive eyes.

What...

The laughter subsided, giving way to short, breathless giggles as Enomoto struggled to speak. "Y-you're right Fushimi-san, absolutely right!" Enomoto fell over with a thud against the hardwood, but it didn't stop his joy, nor Saruhiko's utter irritation.

Vaguely, Saruhiko noted how in his struggle, Enomoto had accidentally pressed another button on the controller, taking him to his menu of past achievements, where countless trophies sat.

Somehow, it just added to his frustration.

But Saruhiko made no move to interrupt the other, letting him slowly collect himself and get off the floor. Why he hadn't kicked the other out already, he wasn't sure.

After a while, Enomoto’s laughter became nothing but heavy breathing, and he managed to pick himself up, staring at the game menu with a new, relaxed ease, as if the tension from before had been an illusion.

The silence between them now, though comfortable and without pressure, managed to unnerve Saruhiko, and he wondered if he’d ever win, wanting silence but not wanting to deal with the emotions it could hold.

“You know what Fushimi-san,” Enomoto whispered finally, smiling softly as he clicked off the game console. Saruhiko flipped on the lamp beside the couch as darkness enveloped them, watching as the dimness illuminated the older man as he stood up and began to collect his things. There was a strange familiarity in his movements as he put things back in their rightful places, and Saruhiko wondered if it was a nice feeling itching at his skin, knowing his coworker spent so much time there that he knew the ins and outs. “I think I’m gonna head home, I’m sure Fuse would appreciate it if I was waiting for him. We have stuff to talk about anyways, I’m tired of avoiding it.” The way he said it was confident, with renewed energy and a fondness far too intimate for Saruhiko to feel okay with.

Enomoto stood, leaving Saruhiko frozen in confusion on the couch as he toed on his boots, sending one last, genuine grin his way. “Besides, I should spend less time feeling bad about stuff I did wrong, and more time on what I can do better the next time. Then it won’t be so scary right? Even though I always fear the worst, if I keep trying, I’ll mess up less…” Enomoto bit his lip then, seemingly conflicted about his words, before shrugging, and opening the door to allow the nighttime chill to seep in. “You should be less afraid too Fushimi-san, we’d all like it if you were. Thank you for your help, goodnight!”

Saruhiko had no response to that, could barely keep up with the dramatic turn Enomoto had taken, but he did manage to glare at the doorway as Enomoto left, calling back his jovial ‘goodnight’ and leaving Saruhiko alone in the darkness.

It was…strange, how much he’d gotten used to the sound of gaming effects as background noise. The silence almost seemed unnatural then, but he chose to focus on what Enomoto had said instead, albeit with displeasure.

Saruhiko hadn’t meant for his advice, if it could be called that, to be twisted in such a hopeful light. He was being logical, but Enomoto had treated it like some life philosophy which Saruhiko had no interest in. If anything, he hoped it would resolve Enomoto’s relationship issues so they wouldn’t have to have a similar conversation ever again. How had Enomoto even drawn such conclusions? How any of that night had made sense to the other, he didn’t know, but at least the older man was out of his apartment.

Somehow though, the conversation wouldn’t leave him, and he found himself working slowly for the next hour, rewriting sentences and fidgeting, which did nothing but frustrate him to no end. Eventually, he made for his room, where no doubt a sleepless night awaited him.

“Besides, I should spend less time feeling bad about stuff I did wrong, and more time on what I can do better the next time. Then it won’t be so scary right?

Saruhiko shook his head violently as he put his laptop away, the words echoing in his head, but not quite hitting home…

It was funny how much things made more sense down the road.

Now, all this time later, Saruhiko inhaled steadily as he strode into the meeting room. He ignored Mikoto’s knowing stare, the weird satisfaction laced in it, as if he’d been waiting for this moment all along. Saruhiko moved to cross his arms, to ease his trembling body, to find he was still as a statue, his very being already prepared for what was to come.

He straightened his back, meeting Munakata’s stare with fierce determination.

“You said at the beginning that you didn’t know much about the Return,” Saruhiko said calmly, the most secure he’d heard his voice in a while, the cloudiness over his conscious slipping away. Munakata was notably startled, and it must’ve been a sight.

Saruhiko, a failure, who had done nothing but sit on his ass for months, feelings sorry for himself…

Well, Munakata obviously didn’t realize that a large chunk of Saruhiko’s life was a good analogy to that, at least in his own head. Only now was he realizing how wrong that could possibly be. But regardless of his own perceptions, the time for sitting back was over. “You said the only rules were to stay on the path, complete the trials, and touch the gates of hell. Those are the only requirements, right?”

Saruhiko already knew the answer, felt quite proud of himself despite the initially unwanted help he’d received, but he wanted the validation, the certainty. He wanted to know he wasn’t just dreaming it all up in some sick bout of desperation.

Munakata’s stiff limbs relaxed, a weird uneasiness filling the room, and Saruhiko could pinpoint the exact moment Munakata caught on. Mikoto must’ve too, from the way he grunted in satisfaction.

Saruhiko understood it wasn’t Munakata’s preferred alternative, from the way his eyes flashed in pity, but for Saruhiko, it was the option which made the most sense.

Munakata nodded, once, and it was all that was necessary.

There are no other rules.

Nothing to stop him. His hands clenched at his sides, ready for a second fight after all the healing he’d gone through. Glad all of him was on the same page, for the first time.

“So then,” he began, the words echoing in his mind before he spoke them fully. “There’s nothing to stop me from trying it again.”

And from the way Munakata’s eyes widened, and the way Mikoto smiled, he knew it was the right way to go.

[ashen-laguz]

Ian: 3, 5, 11, 12, 20. Mitch: 6, 10, 11, 16, 17, 20. And for people I never ask about, your Amber: 2, 10, 14, 15, 16, 19, and Delta: 10, 14, 15, 18, 21, 22

Ian;

Scars or painful spots

Depends on the universe tbh…? In the Spiral universe, I’m sure he has one or two from adventuring and shit, though probably nothing particularly bad. In PoD AU thread, he has a bunch of scars all over his body though, the biggest/most notable one being on his side and partially on his stomach from an incident when despair had started attacking, though due to the life he lives in this universe, he’s ended up getting a bunch of other small scars all over too. In any other universe, he doesn’t have any scars I can think of.

Guilty pleasures

it took a bit to think of something that he’d be embarrassed enough to call a guilty pleasure? but i was thinking about shit and i just.

ian’s quite the metal head, right? he listens to a shit ton of rock music. it’s his focus. buuuuut he maybe also is a bit of a musical theater nerd. not that he’s an actor in musical theater, but a lot of the music is just so good… nwn

i blame musical theater au

Bad or petty habits

Ian has a tendency to just…. tap. It’s both a nervous habit and a little quirk when it gets to quiet I guess? He’ll tap against his leg or a table or something if he’s nervous, but if it’s quiet he’ll purposefully tap a little rhythm against some surface that’ll make a bit of noise. if he has drum sticks on him, he’ll probably use those for a rhythm instead. He doesn’t really like sitting around in silence but it annoys the shit out of some of the people around him =w=‘

Grudges and vendettas

Another “it depends on the universe” thing!! In Spiral, he’s definitely bitter against anyone he fought against on his adventure, I honestly can’t imagine him and Estrella really being on good terms ever again after Charles’ amnesia shit, and to be honest he’d probably kinda hate Bjorn for his strategy for summoning stuff because the whole sacrifice strategy is just way too cruel to summons. 

In the PoD AU thing, he’s reeeeaaally not fond of Munakata as he believes Munakata’s methods are far too extreme. Can’t think of anyone else he’d really be holding a huge grudge against tho…

What-ifs/Alternate Timelines

you ask as if I don’t have way too many of these with my ocs…. =w=‘

Musical theater AU!! first off. I imagine rock would be more his guilty pleasure there, and his fashion would probably actually be a little different, as his canonical fashion taste is actually influenced by his dream to be a rockstar. Here, he probably just got introduced to musicals at a young age and decided he really wanted to be a musical theater actor! he acts exactly the same because he’s already a fucking drama queen in canon but he actually makes one hell of an actor 

In non Spiral universes, due to the lack of the murder thing in his backstory, Ian’s actually a fairly confident guy! However due to never meeting Nicole, he’d probably be pretty damn insecure about his ears. He grew up in a place that didn’t really have other faunus, so he hid his ears because the few people outside of family who saw ‘em thought they were freaky, and therefore HE thought having cat ears made him a freak. It was only through knowing Nicole and realizing “wait she cool, she’s not freak despite her ears” that he realized there wasn’t really anything wrong with having ‘em himself, so ye….

going WAYYYY back in his backstory, ‘what if he had never been put up for adoption.’ See, his birth parents were stupid teens who couldn’t take care of him. But what if they did? Well, I’d say some of Ian’s key values would be different, as his extremely open-minded viewpoint came from his adoptive parents view of the world. He’d probably have it ingrained into him to be a hard worker though, because his adoptive parents happened to be a lawyer and a doctor respectively and were well off, but his birth parents would have MUCH more difficulty earning money to raising him as one’s a highschool dropout and the other was kind of a lazy bum so Ian would have kinda had to learn hard work from a young age to help support himself. He… probably wouldn’t have his music dreams or any interest in style, as he wouldn’t have really had ever had the freedom to explore interests like that, ect. 

there’s more but just ask me later if you wanna hear about any specific “what ifs” =w=

Mitch

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Mitch is just kind of a cold, logic>emotion person. Not a non empathetic person by any means, he cares a lot about the people close to him and isn’t heartless when it comes to everyone else, however he can be very cold to others if it there’s some gain for the people he is close to, and can easily just brush off people’s feelings or whatever when he does so until he realizes “wait I was a shit head” a while later. OFTM has plenty of good examples of this actually, and he kinda gets worse about it after that, and he knows it’s bad, but it’s just kinda his personality… it’s why he kinda needs someone like Ian who has too much empathy to balance him out.

Fears/phobias

what is he NOT afraid of tbh

Ok, um, specific fears… He’s just paranoid/anxious in general but he has a lot of social related fears specifically, he’s scared of loud noises and things that cause loud noises, probably stuff like needles and heights and literally everything except the supernatural owo;

Bad or petty habits

hehehehe mitch as bad habits throughout his entire life owo;

His anorexia started as just a bad habit

when he gets that taken care of? he just kinda… always has some bad habit like it in his life, something he definitely picked up… stuff like drugs or smoking or whatever… never picks up alcohol, but he get other problems so ewe

tho i feel like he maybe never really stops smoking once he starts that…

he also maybe cuts sometimes depending on the universe ;w;

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet

He’s always going to be very ashamed of the fact he didn’t leave his house for five years and maybe not tell people about that if he can help it

Also about the whole third trial of OFTM. He considers his attempt to get everyone besides Ryan killed absolutely despicable, and ESPECIALLY hates it because he knows he’d do something like that again

Regrets

…..

……

…….

rly

What-ifs/Alternate Timelines

i’m limiting these too or else this is never ending

AU where his parents never died!! He’d still probably be a fairly cynical, introverted person, probably still kinda depressive (he had issues with stuff like trusting/self-confidence/positivity even before his parents died, even if the downward spiral he had because of it made it was worse) but he’d probably actually just willing make the choice to go to a therapist on his own instead of denying one, his social issues wouldn’t be nearly as bad… He probably never would have become a SHSL or gotten his music career in a non-DR universe, but he would have been a lot better off otherwise.

Less happy AU!! One where in OFTM, Mitch wasn’t the one who got to the charm and Jason got brought back instead of Ryan. Mitch would have been extremely disappointed about Ryan not being revived… but he’d feel bad that he couldn’t bring himself to be happy for Jason, which would make him think about Ryan not being brought back which would make him miss Ryan and then feel worse for not being happy for Jason… He’d probably try to kill himself next time a motive is thrown out after Jason’s revival, but be to chicken to take his own life himself even though he knows he’s not really going to have any luck getting better, but he really wants to die and thinks it’d be better for it to be HIS life that die then someone else’s… and in that mess maybe he kinda accidentally killed someone. In his panic he tried to cover it up, and he can’t work up the nerve to actually SAY it was him, but he kinda helps lead people to the right conclusion and is actually very at peace with the fact he’s about to be executed when people re voting him, because he just wants to go be with his parents and Onii-sama at that point.

again, ask me for specific “what ifs” if you want ‘em, i have too many

Amber

Their emotional/moral weak spots

She’s kind of emotional in general in a childish way, but the biggest weak spots would be if you do something to whoever she considers family. Specific people will vary from universe to universe, but she has a particularly strong attachment to Cyril and if something happened to him, she’d probably just shut down completely. You also maybe shouldn’t touch her Wyatt doll for the same reason…. if something happened to it, well…. ;w;

Moral is kinda on that same coin. As a child, she is, well, very childish and prone to tantrums in general if she doesn’t get her way, but in particular, if it’s something someone she considers family wants, it as to be good! That… doesn’t work well when she has a dick like Cyril as her Big Bro… and she’ll be prone to violence too if someone upsets her (aka if you hurt/threaten a big sibling. She was THIS CLOSE to attempting to kill Hoodie once because he was being a dick to Cyril and Cyril told her too. owo;)

Fears/phobias

She doesn’t like weird, mysterious glowing lights for… some reason… She doesn’t mind Hoodie’s eyes because I forgot about this at the time she was interacting with him, oops…? because she knows it’s just his eyes, and she’s ok with the fact Wyatt glows a little when he heals because she knows what’s going on, but if she doesn’t know what it is, it’ll unnerve her. 

Along with that, weird sigils or pentagrams. She doesn’t trust them. She doesn’t really know why, but she just gets the feeling that they mean nothing but trouble

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

She speaks in third person. There’s a reason why she does this, but like hell I’m ever sharing that =w=

What it takes to make them cry

either hurt a loved one, keep wyatt doll away from her too long, or tell her she doesn’t get ice cream for a whole month

she’ll defy the latter to by managing to get wyatt back or eating ice cream anyways like a bad little girl, but not before crying over it

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

…..i feel like this is your way of trying to get her backstory out of me

but it’s like hoodie’s existence

it’s probably never going to get explained

there is an explanation, but i don’t see myself ever giving it unless i make an rp or something where it’s super important, or i rp non-doll wyatt (which i’d like to do someday but i’ve yet to get the chance…)

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

can i just call that “despair in pod was probably indirectly her fault somehow” joke canon so i can say too many to count and not have to count it out kthx

i mean, it’s not as bad as i always joke it is, but still XDDD

Delta

Fears/phobias

Needles. They’re deathly scared of needles. When they got a second piercing in their ears, the person doing it kinda… fucked up a bit… just a tad… =w=‘

it hurt like fuck and Delta has hated needles ever since.

Along with that, they aren’t very good with thunder either. They can deal with lightning fine, ‘cause it’s pretty, but the loud noise of thunder freaks ‘em out.

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Doodling on EVERYTHING without thinking. It actually helps them focus while listening to something, and they love art and plan to go to art school anyways, but when you realize “ohshit I just covered my desk in drawings of little monsters” at the end of class, you know it’s a little bit of a problem.

What it takes to make them cry

They’re not usually the sort to get upset in front of others, but Delta gets very self conscious about their interests and flustered if there’s too much attention on what their interested in… so if it’s NEGATIVE attention, they might actually get embarrassed enough to burst out of there in tears. Or, well, just too much negative attention in general is kinda bad for Delta (they’re outgoing, sure, but they like hearing about others, not talking about themself. they don’t usually open up much until they’re comfortable with someone) but they have a better time brushing off stuff if they aren’t embarrassed by it for some reason.

Things they’ll never admit

If you haven’t picked up on it yet, they don’t really want to admit to anyone that they’re a weeb. Delta thinks it’ll make themself look weird af. 

Turning points in their life

Befriending the girl who is now their best friend when they were like, six

Coming to the conclusion that they were nonbinary and coming out to loved ones. They don’t consider gender the most important thing in the world or to who they are, but telling family was stressful until they knew for sure there was no judgement, so ye

They’re not quite graduated from school but they’re basically already accepted to a cool art school, and that acceptance was one, so ye ^^

Meeting the other member of their trio! (The one fun thing about the other member of the trio is that he and Delta have had this rivalry since they met, always trying to outdo and one-up the other. They’re still close friends despite it but the two would probably never really say that =w=)

People who’ve influenced them greatly 

Their best friend Tabia! Delta tend to be kind of withdrawn and easily embarrassed about their interests, so Tabia’s always helped to push them a bit when they need a bit of encouragement to be more open about an interest or try something new or whatever. 

And the other member of their little trio, Colton, has definitely had his fair share of influence. Delta probably just would have kept their sort of firey spirit and enthusiasm bottled up if it wasn’t for Colton sparking a sense of competitiveness in them. They still sometimes hesitate to show their enthusiasm for some of their interests, but they aren’t as bad as they used to be about just being enthusiastic in front of people at all and it’s actually probably thanks to Colton

[nanamicide]

Red butterflies - chapter 9

Read on AO3

Kizakura-san hadn’t changed one bit since she had last seen him. Miaya had never been too fond of him – he had been her teacher back in the day, and he’d always struck her as too carefree and lazy – but she didn’t dislike him either. She had been extremely surprised when she found out that he wasn’t giving up on his position as talent scout for the academy back when Munakata-kun exposed Enoshima and how the academy was going to let her get away with what she’d been doing. Kizakura-san was the one who had scouted her, and it wasn’t entirely clear if he knew she was Ultimate Despair or not. He had claimed he had no idea, and somehow, everyone went along with it.

The blond man brought his flask to his lips, taking a sip of whiskey before setting it back on his desk.

“I assume you aren’t here to tell me about how much you miss having to go through homeroom with me,” he said. “That would be unlike you, Gekkogahara-san.”

Miaya began typing a response, but Kizakura-san cut her off.

“Now, now, no need for this. Let me hear you speak, just like you did when I scouted you.”

Miaya rolled her eyes and sighed. That was the type of person Kizakura-san was. He wasn’t disrespectful per say, but he’d always had a thing for pushing boundaries. That was one of the reasons why he was always drinking alcohol when he was working.

“You’re right,” she said softly, the sound of her own voice surprising her. It was raspy and hesitant. She’d always hated it. “I’m here to talk about Kirigiri-san.”

Speaking wasn’t easy, but she could do it. She adjusted her scarf over her mouth, making sure it would muffle the sounds coming out of it. There had been a time where she wasn’t able to do such a simple things – an anomaly in the vocal chords had kept her unable to speak until her parents could afford to pay for a surgical procedure to fix it, when she was around thirteen years old. She had insisted that it was unnecessary, but her parents wanted their daughter to be normal, so she had ended up caving in and accepting. The only problem was that she’d grown accustomed to speaking through Usami-chan and had never really broken the habit, unless people demanded it from her. It was less tiring, and it made her feel more confident.

“Are you counselling her?”

“Why would you play dumb like this?” She was growing annoyed, telling herself that she should have found a way to contact the former headmaster of the academy without going through his best friend first. “I’m obviously talking about Kirigiri Jin.”

“Don’t get so worked up. What business do you have with him that’s so important you had to come see me?”

“Have you heard about the Kamukura project?” He shook his head. She wasn’t sure she could trust him, but she didn’t really have another choice. “Well, I don’t think Kirigiri-san has either. You two are so close that he would have told you, right?”

“He didn’t tell me about Enoshima and her sister being Ultimate Despair,” he pointed out, fiddling with his hat. “What makes you think he tells me everything?”

“I think you’re lying, Kizakura-san.”

“My, my, isn’t our former Ultimate Therapist observant?”

“So?”

Her former teacher didn’t answer right away. Instead, he closed his eyes, seemingly thinking about what to say. She understood that he needed to be careful around her. Officially, she was part of the very few people who were close to Munakata-kun. She also had to be careful around him. Even though Munakata-kun had kept him away from the core of the faculty staff, he could still tell on her and what she was about to say to him in order to be given a higher and better position. They both were in a complicated situation. And yet, if things were to work out the way Miaya hoped they would, they had to be honest with each other.

“Just be honest about one thing,” he suddenly said, blue eyes staring at her as if they were trying to pierce through her soul. “Did Munakata-san send you here?”

“No, I’m… I’m actually working behind his back here. It’s for one of the most important cases I’m handling at the moment. I’m not proud of doing this to a former classmate, but I have no choice.” Her voice had grown less faint as the minutes were ticking by. She felt as though she had regained the self-confidence she usually had when speaking through Usami-chan. “I think it would be better for everyone if the truth finally came out for good. This academy has been corrupt for too long.”

“What do you think you know?” Kizakura-san chuckled. “Secrets like the ones that were exposed by Munakata-san last year are usually very well-kept. So well-kept that Jin-kun and I had no idea what was coming.”

“You really didn’t know about Enoshima?”

“Not a single clue.” He placed his hand to his heart. “I swear.”

Miaya took a deep breath. She had no reason to doubt Kizakura-san anymore, but she still felt as though she needed to be cautious; as though revealing too much of what she had figured out would lead to her failure.

“Well I’d rather not disclose too much of what I know,” she started, swallowing nervously. “But Munakata-kun’s hands aren’t as clean as he claims they are. I want to make Kirigiri-san an offer. I can do what it takes to give him his position as headmaster back, if he does me a favor.”

“What do you mean by do what it takes?”

“I’d expose Munakata-kun’s secret.”

She glanced at the man who was sitting across from her, trying to appear confident. She still wasn’t entirely sure of what had happened to Yukizome-chan, but her situation was suspicious. She and Munakata-kun only met in secret, when their relationship had been public since before they’d even graduated. Besides, she didn’t seem to interact with a lot of the academy’s staff, which made little to no sense. Yukizome-chan had always been a bubbly person who got along with everyone. So, even if she was aware that she needed to investigate some more, Miaya had useful leads.  

“Just how bad are his actions?” Kizakura-san asked.

“That’s something I’ll only share with you if you tell me how to talk to Kirigiri-san. Let’s be honest here,  I can’t only work with you. You were a lousy teacher, I can’t imagine how bad you’d be if you were to become the headmaster of the academy.”

He laughed, tipping his hat.

“Well, you’ve certainly managed to grow into an excellent professional and staff member of this academy regardless of my lousy teaching, Gekkogahara-san. Not to mention, you’re a lot more confident than when you were a student. I guess I don’t really have a choice, do I? I’ll tell Jin-kun to contact you. You still prefer e-mails over phone calls, I presume?” She nodded. “That’s a shame, but I accept the privilege of being one of the only people allowed to hear your voice.”

“Thank you, Kizakura-san,” she replied dryly. She couldn’t help being cold with him. She knew that if she got too friendly, he’d cross even more boundaries, and she didn’t want that to happen. “If anyone ends up checking the security footage and asking you why I came to see you, just tell them I was here to discuss Ikusaba-chan.”

“Very well.” Kizakura-san tipped his hat again, and Miaya left his office.

As she closed the door behind her, the Ultimate Therapist felt relieved. Her meeting with her former teacher hadn’t been as bad as she had imagined it would be, but it had been draining nonetheless. Between having to use her own voice to speak and having to deal with his strange personality, she felt like she’d used up all her energy. And yet, there was still a few things she had to do today. She had to ask Munakata-kun about moving her sessions with Kamukura-kun to night-time, which probably wouldn’t be easy. She also needed, if she had enough time for it, to try to have a conversation with Yukizome-chan, if only to get a chance to investigate her situation further.

Her abilities as the Ultimate Therapist didn’t make her a mind-reader, but she knew enough about how people’s psyches worked for her to be able to make accurate inferences about what was going on in their heads. She wasn’t sure how to go about this behind Munakata-kun’s back – if he was hiding his meetings with her, he was probably controlling who was talking to her as well – but she would try. Everything that was going on was way too important to her. She wouldn’t give up on any of it, regardless of how hard it would get.

  XXXXXXX

  Juzo, sat up, confused. He felt robbed, as if something important had been taken away from him. And yet, he’d agreed to everything that had happened to him last night. He’d been willing to do all of this. Until this morning, that is. Until he woke up and Kyosuke-kun was nowhere to be found and not answering his phone, no matter how many times he called. Could he even call him Kyosuke-kun? Shouldn’t he go back to using his family name? Juzo wasn’t sure.

Last night had been strange, and everything he’d dreamed of at the same time. The more he thought about it, the more he got that terrible feeling that he’d been used. Part of him refused to believe it, though. He couldn’t rationalize any of it.

We had that fight. It was pretty bad. I was just angry because since he’d declined Yukizome-san’s call, I thought it meant that… That he’d told her about us, finally. I don’t need him to tell everyone, at this point, but just her, so I can stop feeling like I’m the other person. But he didn’t tell her, no, he just declined her damn call two days in a row because he ‘doesn’t feel like talking to her.’

I wish I had reacted differently. I wish I hadn’t yelled at him. But damn it, it’s been a whole year since I’ve confessed to him. How can he just be okay with keeping Yukizome-san in the dark about what happened? How can he handle not being able to spend time with me outside of his damn office?

Juzo sighed, burying his face in his hands. He kissed me and slept with me to calm me down and show me that he meant it – that he did love me – but now I’m the one he doesn’t feel like talking to, aren’t I? He’s probably doing exactly what he did with me last night but with her. This is all a game to him.

The former Ultimate Boxer wasn’t the type to cry, but he felt tears well up at that moment. He chucked, as if he were laughing at himself; at his reaction to this. No matter how hard I try to hide it, I really am a softie, huh? It’s kinda funny, when I think about it.

He got up and put on his coat, looking at the pictures he’d framed and placed around the room over the years. Damn you, Kyosuke. I’d be willing to do anything for you and this how you treat me. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you what I knew about Enoshima. At least I wouldn’t be going through this. It’s selfish to think about it this way, considering I’ve most likely saved hundreds to thousands of lives by telling you to the truth. But I’m hurt.

He walked towards the door, placing his hand on the handle. As he stepped outside, different types of thoughts were running through his head. Some of them were screaming at him to get revenge; others were suggesting he leave the academy; and another group, most likely stemming from a more rational part of his brain, was telling him to focus on his duties to the academy. Not for Kyosuke-kun, but for the sake of the students and some of his former classmates, like Gekkogahara-san, who, despite everything going on in the past year, had remained focused on their tasks and were carrying them out for the greater good. In a way, he envied people like them. They never seemed to act upon selfish motives and always put others first. If he’d been more like them, maybe he wouldn’t have fallen for Kyosuke-kun’s lies.

Ah, speak—well, think of the devil, Juzo thought as he saw Miaya come towards him. The former classmates exchanged greetings, and both of them kept going their own separate way. Juzo was glad she had no business with him. If she’d done as little as talking to him for less than five minutes, she’d have been able to figure out that something was bringing him down. He didn’t feel like talking about his feelings. However, being terrible at lying, he would have ended up doing so.

Despite his current train of thought, Juzo turned around as though he wasn’t in control of his movements anymore.

“Gekkogahara-san,” he called. “Have you seen Munakata-kun?”

“I just got out of a meeting with him, actually.” Usami’s voice stopped, apparently waiting for him to answer. When he didn’t, Gekkogahara-san started typing again. “Is it possible that you were the one calling him when I was in his office?”

“I… Uh, yeah… I guess.”

“Is something the matter?” Usami tilted her head, blinking rhythmically.

Fuck, now I’m gonna have to tell her. Juzo scratch the back of his neck, trying to come up with a lie. His mind went blank. It would be impossible to get rid of Gekkogahara-san, now.

“You know, it can always help to talk a little. I know you enjoy using your fists a lot more than words, but you should try it. Besides, we don’t have to do this here, in the middle of a corridor where someone will end up walking in on us. We can go to my office.”

“I don’t need therapy.”

“Therapy is a big word, we can just talk as friends!” Usami enthusiastically replied.

“Yeah, right. Is he sending you to see me just to make sure he didn’t completely hurt me? Does he wanna make sure I’ll still be on his side even if he’s been playing me this entire time? Is he sleeping with you too?”

When he finished speaking, Juzo realized he’d been screaming at his former classmate. He couldn’t believe these words had gone past his lips. He couldn’t even believe he had been suspicious of Gekkogahara-san. He knew she worked for Munakata-kun, but it was clear that she would always put the need of her patients and friends above his orders.

“I’m sorry, Gekkogahara-san, I didn’t mean to—”

“No more discussing it.” Usami’s cheeks were puffed, and she was glaring at him. “You’re following me to my office to talk. You need it.”

And that was how Juzo talked about his feelings for Kyosuke to a friend for the first time. That was also how the young man ended up understanding what the man he loved was actually up to, behind almost everyone’s backs. That was how he decided he would talk to Yukizome-san, after avoiding her for a year. Most importantly, that was how he realized that, very much like Gekkogahara-san, he could also act for selfless matters.  

[ridiasfangirlings]

Yata being the one to tell Munakata to actually take Fushimi out on a date because it's about time, damn it.

That’s a new one, Yata realizing the feelings of other people before they do XD Say a situation where post-ROK Yata and Fushimi have been rekindling their friendship and Yata’s been asking about what Fushimi’s life is like in S4. He can’t help but notice that there’s something longing in Fushimi’s tone when he talks about Munakata, even though Fushimi’s complaining about how annoying Munakata is and how Munakata never leaves him alone. Yata’s trying really hard to understand Fushimi now so rather than getting defensive he decides to just pay attention, whenever Homra and S4 are working together and he sees Fushimi and Munakata talking and realizes that those two are actually pretty close huh.

Of course if anyone knows that Fushimi sucks at saying his feelings out loud it’s Yata, and he finds himself thinking that if no one tells Saruhiko that idiot’s never gonna realize that Blue King is into him or that Fushimi feels the same way. Imagine at some point Yata ends up stopping at S4 to like drop off some paperwork for Kusanagi and while part of him wants to get out of here as quickly as possible he ends up pausing as he’s in Munakata’s office. Munakata wonders if there’s an issue and finally Yata clears his throat and is like ‘you should just take him on a date, okay?’. Munakata raises an eyebrow and Yata says it all in a rush, that he still doesn’t like Munakata but it’s clear that Saruhiko does and that guy’s still kind of an idiot about some things, if you don’t tell him stuff directly he won’t ever figure it out, so you should ask him on a date. Munakata finds it intriguing that Yata would ask him about this and Yata’s like well you like him don’t you. Munakata admits that he does have a fondness for Fushimi and Yata’s like so in that case just ask him out already, he won’t understand unless you say it to his face. Yata adds that if Munakata breaks Fushimi’s heart Yata will kick his ass too, so you’d better ask him out soon. He storms out of the office and behind him Munakata laughs quietly, like perhaps he has been too hesitant if Homra’s Yatagarasu is the one telling him to be bold.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Yata notices Saruhiko is distracted only to find out it's because Saruhiko is thinking about the Blue King again.

Though of course if Yata asks Fushimi will deny it and then launch into a tirade about all the things Munakata does that annoy him, unaware that he’s just showing how much he’s noticed about Munakata. I kinda imagine this during the One Year Later period when Munakata is missing, and Yata notices that sometimes Fushimi gets this really far away look. They’re playing video games at Yata’s place and normally Fushimi’s pretty focused but he’s obviously kinda distracted today — and thinking about it, Yata’s noticed that Fushimi’s distracted a lot lately. He’s asked about it before and Fushimi always denies it but it’s pretty clear to Yata that his mind is elsewhere.

Yata beats Fushimi in their game and he grins, that’s what you get for being distracted Saruhiko. Fushimi grumbles that he isn’t distracted and Yata gives him a fond look as he’s like ‘it’s the Blue King again, huh.’ Fushimi’s immediately like I am not thinking about Captain and Yata’s like yeah you are, you think about him a lot. Fushimi grumbles that he doesn’t think about Munakata, he’s just…wondering where that worthless King’s gotten off to, that’s all. Munakata’s easily distracted by anything shiny and he’s always finding ways to move people’s hearts or get into trouble, so it’s natural that Fushimi would think about him sometimes. But it isn’t like Fushimi cares or anything, it’s no business of his where Munakata went and how he hasn’t even sent so much as a text stating he’s okay. 

Yata laughs at that, like wow you really do care about that guy huh. Fushimi snorts and clicks his tongue in response. Yata pauses, considering, and then says he’s not really one to talk, since he still isn’t sure what Fushimi sees in a guy like that, but still…he’s glad that Fushimi has someone he can think about this much, someone who makes him distracted like this. Fushimi says it’s not a good thing at all, even when he’s gone Captain can’t stop bugging him and Yata says well maybe when he gets back you should let him know you feel that way, because I bet if you do he won’t go anywhere again. 

[ridiasfangirlings]

Established relationship Sarumi where Fushimj has maybe a new coworker who's kind of clumsy, and a little bit too confused with some of the work, so Fushimi is assigned to help him out.

Yata never does meet the new coworker, but he overhears some S4 people talking about how "Hey, isn't Fushimi-san being really friendly with the new guy? It's pretty surprising how much nicer he is to someone new than compared to us!"

Yata frowns a little bit, but doesn't let that confusion bloom into jealousy. Then, one day, he visits Fushimi and sees him helping out the new guy.

And Yata almost laughs because, ah, a the new recruit is a short redhead with golden eyes. Is Saruhiko really that weak for anyone who reminds him of Misaki?

Fushimi are you really that weak XD (Though you'd think this might mean Doumyouji would get more of a pass for being red-headed and not very bright, maybe he's not short and angry enough to ping Fushimi's Misaki senses.) It's mentioned in one of the short stories that post-ROK S4 recruited a lot of new people including Strains so imagine this guy is one of those, someone whose heart was moved by how S4 helped the people during the whole jungle incident and so decided to apply for S4. Naturally a lot of the new recruits look up to Fushimi even though he's constantly complaining about the quality of their work and how he doesn't have time to deal with idiots. There is one new guy who he finds himself paying extra attention to though – someone who's a little clumsy but endlessly enthusiastic, who listens to everything Fushimi says and thinks Fushimi is especially amazing. Because the new guy has so much trouble getting caught up on the work Munakata asks Fushimi to assist and the squad think this poor new kid is going to end up stabbed but they're surprised to find Fushimi working with him very patiently and talking to him and basically being far friendlier than he ever was to any of the alphabet squad when they first met him.

Yata and Fushimi are dating at this point and Yata likes to stop by S4 headquarters every now and again to bring Fushimi lunch and to make sure he eats it. One day when he stops by he's told Fushimi is helping out 'the new guy' and the squad all mention how Fushimi-san is awfully nice to that guy, like if any of them messed up as much as this guy Fushimi would have their head but with this guy Fushimi just gives a fond smile and shows him how to do things properly. Yata's a little surprised to hear that but he also thinks well, he's been telling Fushimi to try and make friends more so maybe Fushimi could be finally taking Yata's advice. Yata decides to go see for himself, he needs to deliver the lunch anyway and he wants to see this fabled new guy that Fushimi's so friendly with.

Yata gets to the office where Fushimi's helping the new guy and the first thing he hears is the guy telling Fushimi-san how amazing he is, he's been such a help. Yata peers inside and sees this short red-head with gold eyes looking up at Fushimi with shining eyes. It takes Yata a minute to realize that something about this scene is familiar and then he's like wait a sec that guy's hair is even like mine was in middle school. He thinks like no way that can't be why Saru's being nice to him and that's when the guy says something about how Fushimi's being so patient and Fushimi just shrugs and says in this low voice that it's no big deal, but then say he glances at like his PDA or something and Yata realizes that Fushimi's looking at Yata's picture there. Yata suddenly gets this wide smile and hides back away from the door, trying not to laugh as he's like really Saruhiko, you're that weak to anyone who looks like me huh.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Ignoring RoK, imagine if Fushimi had to do a deep cover mission (not unlike his stint in JUNGLE) but in this version he has to fake his death instead, for maybe a couple of weeks. And he takes the job easily enough, assuming that no one will really be bothered by it and it's an important job so why not?

Needless to say he is NOT prepared for the scene he comes back to when his mission is done - the alphabet boys are a mess, their open distress turning to open joy at the realization that Fushimi is alive and well, and all of it so vulnerable and undeniably fond that Fushimi just doesn't know what to think. They actually LIKE him? What?

And then there's Yata. When Yata sees Fushimi he goes still as death, breathing out, "Saruhiko," like he can't believe it. Fushimi makes some particularly cutting comment (because he's still wrong-footed from his reception by the alphabet boys and he REALLY needs to regain some semblance of normalcy) and Yata just. Looses it. Drops to his knees and is shouting and crying and cursing a blue streak, completely overwhelmed.

He's a half-incoherent mess, going on about how Saruhiko was dead, he was DEAD, does he have and IDEA the HELL he up Yata through, how DARE he do this, how DARE he mock Yata for it now, he's alive, he's alive, damn him damn him DAMN him.

And poor Fushimi is just ... standing there, reeling, unable to process how completely his entire worldview has been flipped on its ignorant head.

Yesss, just imagine Fushimi taking the mission super easily, like sure faking death, not a problem, he doesn't see why he should need to hesitate at all. I imagine it not even being so much that he assumes no one will care, it's more that it doesn't even occur to him that his 'death' would have an effect on other people. Say the only one who knows he's not really dead is Munakata and maybe Awashima, like it's a very hush hush sort of mission and kind of a last resort sort of thing, where Fushimi has to pretend that he was like caught in a bomb explosion or something which allows him to then quickly change his looks a little (color contacts and his hair down, maybe even tied back a little) and go undercover to deal with this group of terrorist Strains that have already caused a more than a few innocent deaths in the city.

Eventually Fushimi completes his mission, imagine it being a really high-adrenaline sort of situation where Homra and Scepter 4 have worked together to go after the Strains and just when it seems like they might fail this random member of the gang steps forward and takes down the leader, everyone's confused until afterward Munakata walks over and hands Fushimi his glasses and sword, congratulating him on a mission well done. Fushimi happily removes the annoying contacts and imagine he kinda pushes his bangs to the side a little, looking a bit more like himself now as he complains about what a pain this was and he expects a good bonus in his salary for all his hard work. Munakata chuckles and says of course, and that they should get Fushimi back to headquarters so he can have a well deserved rest.

Fushimi turns to walk back towards the vans when he hears this 'Fushimi-san?' and suddenly he is surrounded by sobbing alphabet boys, like imagine Hidaka just completely forgets himself and tackle hugs him because he's so so relieved (and Hidaka especially would have been affected by this I think, both because he cares about Fushimi but also considering what happened to Kusuhara and seeing the person he thought was gone come back is like a dream for him). Everyone's so relieved, telling him how much they missed him, even Doumyouji's like 'I thought you'd never throw a knife at me again Fushimi-san.' Fushimi's just so completely lost too, like first he thinks they're just trying to get on his good side so he doesn't make them write more reports but they all really truly missed him and they're so happy seeing him back. Imagine Fushimi just standing there looking dumbfounded as they all cry and hug him and he can't even quite push them off because he's so off balance.

When he finally manages to pry the last alphabet boy off of him he hears this choked 'Saruhiko' and Fushimi turns to see Yata staring at him with these wide wet eyes. Fushimi clicks his tongue and tries to settle himself back into some normalcy, all 'You look particularly pathetic today, Misaki,' but he barely has the words out before Yata's just tackling him, punching Fushimi's chest but with no power behind it, sobbing so hard he can barely get the words out. Fushimi can't even entirely understand him, Yata keeps repeating 'you were dead you asshole' and 'what the hell was I supposed to do without you, how the hell can you just show up and be alive and I cried for you and you're alive.' He's more incoherent than not, just so relieved and he's pulling Fushimi close like he can't entirely believe it, that Saruhiko's not dead, Saruhiko's okay, Saruhiko's really here and Yata never wants to let him go again. And Fushimi is once more just standing there stock still, brain trying to catch up to the fact that Misaki is sobbing and holding him and making him promise never to be dead again because Yata was so worried and so scared. Fushimi eventually tries to push Yata away a little, saying this is embarrassing and Yata's like I don't care you stupid alive asshole. At this point Fushimi's been hugged so many times and his clothes are wet from people crying on him and he's trying to figure out how this happened, how did so many people start to care about him when he's been trying so hard to keep everyone away.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Hello! I have recently taken a...large interest in your Dark AU much to my own guilty pleasure. And not so recently (More like the first time he showed up. Albeit if even for just a second.) An interest *cough* obsession *cough* with Akiyama Himori :D (and to an equal extent Fushimi/Akiyama)

Anyways...I was wondering what S4's *cough* Fushimi, Munakata, and Benzai *cough* (Man...I should invest in cough drops 😅) thought on if a strain swapped Dark!Akiyama and Canon!Akiyama. (I'm still curious as to what all of S3's reactions would be? If you had to pick and choose I would say Saru, Munakata, and Benzai are the ones I wanna hear about most as well as maybe Seri?) So what Dark AU thinks of Normal!Akiyama and what Normal!S4 think of Dark Akiyama 🤔

(Some AkiFushi would be nice 🤏)

And on a side note. What sort of freaky foursome bs do Aki, Saru, Benzai, and Misaki get up to in the Dark au... I'm just thinking of Akiyama getting an obsession with Fushimi, Benzai going along with Aki, Fushimi liking this...unexpected side of Aki while being able to make Yata jealous, and Yata thinking about killing people. (Probably not accurate- but it was running through my head....so I suppose it needed to be said somewhere)

Somehow I imagine Dark S4 not even realizing that they have normal Akiyama because he normally hides his scary yandere side so it's like of course Akiyama's seeming so sweet and pleasant he's always like that, let's not antagonize him or he might cave our heads in with a tire iron. Like imagine a Strain switches the two of them and when Akiyama realizes he's in the Dark AU he just does his best to try and act like he belongs here. He quickly learns that his Dark self is a very sweet and kind person who is also unreasonably scary when needed so he just does his best to avoid situations where his Dark self would normally be murdering people. He does find out that his Dark self has an obsession with Fushimi and that Fushimi encourages it as a way of making Yata jealous, so now Akiyama has to try and seem interested in Fushimi (which isn't hard because he is interested in Fushimi but in his world's Fushimi, and it's hard seeing the person he cares about be twisted into this state).Though I imagine that while Dark Benzai is supportive of Akiyama's activities he's also fairly jealous himself, so Akiyama has to navigate Dark Yata trying to kill him, Dark Fushimi flirting with him and Dark Benzai being possessive of him, all while remaining as polite and proper as possible and trying to make everyone think that no really if you make me mad I'll destroy you (this is where his Dom side would come in handy, except Dark Akiyama is more twisted yandere than Dom so even using his best commanding officer voice makes Dark S4 suspicious).

Meanwhile Dark Akiyama has landed in normal S4 world and say normal K world is aware of the Dark AU so they know where Dark Akiyama's from but they don't know what his personality is like. He's initially chained up and taken to S4's prison, Benzai decides to check on him and is so confused because how can this be Dark Akiyama when he seems so kind and soft spoken? If anything Benzai feels like this Akiyama is maybe a little too timid, like Benzai knows Akiyama has a strong side and that when he gets impolite Akiyama can even be very scary, while this Akiyama is almost shrinking back into himself.

Munakata I think would be the suspicious one, when Benzai mentions his concerns Munakata decides to speak with Dark Akiyama himself. Maybe Fushimi shows up while Munakata is trying to talk with Dark Akiyama and Dark Akiyama gets very excited seeing Fushimi-san, he just really loves Fushimi-san. Fushimi raises an eyebrow and Munakata is like I see, so you are fond of Fushimi-kun. Dark Akiyama smiles angelically and says that just seeing Munakata standing so close to Fushimi makes Akiyama want to beat Munakata with a brick until he's unrecognizable. Fushimi chokes a little at that, like he knows normal Akiyama isn't as sweet as he seems but this is definitely extreme. Munakata notes that this must be Akiyama's dark counterpart after all, and makes sure they double security (he also suggests that Fushimi not come down here again and Dark Akiyama really doesn't like that, suddenly getting this ominous terrifying look as he says that it isn't nice to take Fushimi away from him).

[ridiasfangirlings]

Fushimi in gold clan AU Reisaru. The new blue king is very intrigued by this one rabbit and he keeps going to the Mihashira tower. Kokujouji is not pleased with it.

Kokujouji can sense that one of his bunnies is about to be stolen XD Imagine Munakata meets Fushimi on his very first trip to Mihashira Tower, right after awakening as King. Munakata of course is very observant right from the start, looking over all of the building and the Gold clan members with interest. Naturally he immediately notes the one Rabbit who stands out, while all the others are similar height and similar build, dressed identically and with the same posture, there's this one Rabbit who seems to be shorter and clearly younger, with his uniform somewhat haphazard and messy, and a posture that seems loose and lazy but Munakata can tell is actually more on guard than anyone else. Munakata is intrigued enough that he decides to just walk away from the Rabbits who were escorting him to the elevator and he goes over to this one different Rabbit instead, asking him if this is the sanctum of the Gold King. The Rabbit doesn't even straighten up as Munakata approaches him, instead leaning back against a pillar as he mutters that isn't it obvious, is Munakata an idiot or something. Munakata smiles widely at that, more amused by this totally disrespectful attitude of this Rabbit versus the cold formality of the others.

Munakata now clearly has a favorite and he isn't shy about making this known, every time he goes to Mihashira he has to seek out this one Rabbit and speak to him even if it means wandering around Mihashira on his own without permission after a King meeting. For his part, say Fushimi joined the Gold clan when he was even younger, like maybe Niki was a Strain and eventually the Golds came after him and Fushimi ended up sort of unofficially 'adopted' into the clan. Kokujouji is somewhat fond of him, like he thinks of Fushimi as his gloomy bad-tempered grandchild who's going through the rebellious teenage years and just imagine Kokujouji's reaction when he realizes that Munakata appears to have an interest in Fushimi. At first Kokujouji assumes it's no issue, Fushimi is one of his clansmen and the Rabbits all know their duty. Fushimi claims it's no issue either, he doesn't care about other Kings and the Blue King just seems particularly irritating.

But then the more Munakata stops by to talk to Fushimi the more Fushimi finds himself being pulled into Munakata's orbit, like he accidentally ends up giving his name at some point and Munakata is so pleased that he can refer to this strange Rabbit as 'Fushimi-kun.' Munakata also makes it known that he is aware of the myriad of weapons Fushimi seems to be hiding on his person, something which he finds intriguing as none of the other Rabbits carry such weapons. Fushimi shrugs and coldly mutters 'I'm different,' Munakata gives him this thoughtful smile as he's like 'so you are.' In truth Fushimi's not really used to any other Kings besides Kokujouji and now with Munakata coming to see him all the time it's like he's finally realizing what people mean when they talk about 'a King's charisma,' which annoys him because it's not like he wants this person to be his King or anything (and meanwhile Munakata is considering if it would violate any King rules if he asked Fushimi-kun out for coffee).

[ridiasfangirlings]

the picture about Fushimi was asleep and Munakata draped his coat to him happened in Scepter 4's library, right? So what if a newbie saw Fushimi that time, acknowledged the coat, and think that Fushimi is the Captain instead. His senior corrected him saying that person over there is not Captain, but Captain's favorite (All Scepter 4 already accustomed by Reisaru's PDA at this point)

Somehow I find this super cute XD Imagine Fushimi's overworked himself again as usual and before going to bed Munakata stops into the library to check on him. He sees Fushimi asleep and gives this soft fond smile before draping his coat over Fushimi's sleeping form (and maybe he moves Fushimi into like a softer chair in the corner of the library so that Fushimi doesn't get a sore back from napping on the table all night). The next morning some new recruit is being shown around by one of the more senior members, the recruit is so new he hasn't even gotten to meet Munakata yet. When they get to the library the recruit sees Fushimi and immediately freezes, he can tell that the coat is much more fancy than what the normal recruits have and this must be the Captain. He's surprised that Scepter 4's Captain would be the type of person to fall asleep in a library and the senior member is like oh, that's not the Captain, that's Fushimi-san. The new recruit wonders who this 'Fushimi-san' is and is told that's their third in command, he must have been working late again. The new recruit's like oh so that's why his coat is different and the senior member is like oh no that actually is Captain's coat, Fushimi-san is Captain's favorite after all. The new recruit is like '….favorite?', probably wondering if this is supposed to be a euphemism of some kind and was he expected to know what that meant (and then later like after lunch they actually do meet Munakata, who has stopped into the office where Fushimi is currently awake and trying to work even though Captain is aggressively violating his personal space, and the new recruit is like '...I get it, Captain's favorite huh').

[ridiasfangirlings]

It finally happened. Chitose screwed up and now has a baby and a mom who isn't in the picture after the birth for (insert reason). How does Homra help out. Sure they have child experience in the form of Anna, but Anna wasn't a baby when she came to them. Can the gang raise a baby? (You can choose if S1 has happened yet or if everyone lived au or just post series)

It's gonna be hard for Chitose to raise that baby after Dewa kills him :P Maybe this is like pre-S1 AU and Chitose walks into the bar one day like yeah so guys I have a small problem. He's got a baby in his arms and Dewa gives this sigh like tell me you didn't while Yata's like seriously Chitose you stole a baby what the hell. Dewa's like I wish he stole a baby that would be easier to handle, Chitose sighs and says it's not like he planned for this to happen. It turns out some girl Chitose had a one night stand with got pregnant and had a baby, she dumped the kid on Chitose's doorstep and then ran off without leaving any kind of note as to her whereabouts or anything. Technically they don't even know that the kid is really Chitose's but it's not like Chitose can just abandon the baby either, and he feels like especially since this really could be his kid he wouldn't feel right giving the baby up. Chitose's really not exactly prepared to be a dad though either so now like all of Homra has to help him raise the baby.

I imagine Yata being unexpectedly helpful with this, like he helped his mom with his baby siblings so he actually has some idea of how to feed and change babies. Kusanagi is of course very helpful too, he's not thrilled at suddenly being expected to be the older aunt who does the babysitting and yet that's where he somehow ends up. Fujishima's also pretty good with children, he's like yeah this isn't much different than taking care of a puppy (and Chitose's like '...did you just compare my kid to a puppy?').Eric's nervous about dealing with the baby like he thinks he'll make the kid cry and that he won't know what to do if there's a problem but the baby is actually pretty chill with him. Dewa makes sure that Chitose takes care of the kid plenty too, like no more going out to the bars on weekends and stuff when you have a kid to deal with. The baby turns out to be very fond of Dewa too, like imagine the baby always wants to play with his hat and glasses (but then starts to cry whenever Dewa actually takes the hat off, like he doesn't exist as a person without that hat).

Also imagine Mikoto dealing with the baby, he's not really a baby person and mostly lets everyone else handle the kid but of course the baby is totally drawn to him. Every time Mikoto walks by the bassinet the baby starts to giggle and coo, it's pretty much an accepted thing in Homra that if the baby won't stop crying just hand it over to Mikoto-san and the child will instantly quiet (also imagine at some point they end up like clashing with the Blues and Mikoto happens to still be wearing the child strapped to his chest, Munakata is very interested in Suoh's new position as a babysitter and this definitely does not at all influence Munakata wanting to adopt the Strain baby to show Mikoto how one properly cares for a child, nope). Anna also really likes the baby, I imagine her being really determined to be helpful and grown up and take care of the baby as much as she can. It actually shames a couple of the older Homra guys into doing better, like we can't make Anna do everything we need to step up and take responsibility too.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Following the stressed!Fushimi, what if he exploded with Misaki (after ROK, they're living together), a few weeks after the end of ROK because there is still a lot of work to do. He realized he yelled at MISAKI so he run after him and found him at the bus stop where they met with Aya to catch the blimp

Aw poor Yata, imagine because this is so soon after the end of ROK maybe he's still not sure what the status of their relationship is and so it hits him a little harder than it might normally when Fushimi yells at him. Like say this is shortly after ROK, Scepter 4 is just totally swamped with work due to the Slate creating a bunch of new Strains before it was destroyed and still recovering from Fushimi's initial absence in the first place. When Fushimi moves in with Yata part of the reason for it is to keep him from trying to work, his leg injury is still pretty fresh and he needs to rest. Scepter 4 is getting overwhelmed though and Fushimi wants to go back to work himself, still awkward and unsure around Yata and dancing around explaining things like he promised. Yata's trying to keep an upbeat attitude but he's worried too, all he really wants is his best friend back but he's wondering if Fushimi's changed so much that maybe they aren't even able to get that closeness back again. Fushimi manages to convince Munakata to let him go back to work and he quickly ends up with a ton of stuff to do, constantly on his computer even when he's at the apartment.

This is getting Yata even more frustrated because it's like now he can't even talk to Fushimi in this time they have alone together because Fushimi's always working. Fushimi meanwhile is getting pretty stressed with all this work to do, plus his injury is starting to bother him but he's falling back into old habits and refusing to listen to the needs of his body. He's focused on trying to get some more work done one evening when Yata decides that he's tired of being ignored and that they need to talk, poking Fushimi like hey come on can you put the work down for a minute. Fushimi ignores him, focused on his work, and finally Yata snaps a bit and tells Fushimi to quit it already, walking right over and shutting Fushimi's laptop. Fushimi's irritation and stress immediately hits a peak and he ends up just shouting at Yata to leave him alone, he doesn't have time for this. Yata's taken aback for a moment, surprised that Fushimi's actually yelling at him and probably a bit hurt too, like Fushimi never really yelled at him this way before. He kinda stumbles out this little '...right, fine, whatever' and he storms right out of the apartment, biting his lip and trying to ignore the sudden lump in his throat as he wonders if it was even worth trying to go back to normal.

Fushimi finds himself standing there in the apartment alone, everything suddenly quiet and the usual self loathing washes over him. Fushimi clicks his tongue, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he just ruined everything again, and sits back down at his computer. He can't concentrate though, thinking about Yata's pained face and how much it reminds him uncomfortably of when he betrayed Yata and burned his Homra mark, and Fushimi puts a hand to his forehead. He sighs quietly, like here was going to try and be better and he's just gone back to his old self, hurting Misaki again and really he deserves it if Yata never comes back again. That thought makes it suddenly hard to breath and Fushimi finally closes the laptop and decides to go look for Yata, figuring that even if Yata doesn't want to see him ever again the very least Fushimi can do is apologize.

Fushimi has no idea where Yata could be so he ends up walking around blindly, maybe starting at the park near Bar Homra where Yata found him after Anna was taken by the Center. Yata's not there and Fushimi finds himself stopping by other places he remembers, the old apartment and the building where they initially looked for the blimp. He spots something in the distance and there's Yata at the bus stop, sitting there silently with one hand touching his watch. Fushimi suddenly finds himself wanting to run, like if he doesn't talk to Misaki then Misaki can't reject him, but he steels himself and walks over anyway, sitting down next to Yata on the bench. Yata doesn't say anything and Fushimi shifts, not sure what to say. Finally he manages this soft 'If we'd gotten on the blimp, that time...do you think anything would have changed?'

Yata looks up at him, surprised, and then gives this rueful smile and shrugs like 'dunno, maybe?'. There's another silence and Fushimi coughs and then softly says 'I'm sorry.' That really gets Yata's attention and he sits up and stares. Fushimi looks down at his hands, mumbling that he's terrible at this. Yata's immediately like no no I was just surprised to hear you actually apologize that's all. Fushimi gives a rueful smile and says he promised to start saying things in a way even idiots could understand. That makes Yata smile a little too as he says he's an idiot after all and Fushimi shakes his head with this quiet 'You're not.' Yata gives him a fond look and sighs himself, saying that he wasn't upset with Fushimi, he just thought...maybe Fushimi didn't want to be with him after all. But that was just Yata giving up easily, and he doesn't want to give up on Fushimi this time, as long as Fushimi doesn't give up either. Fushimi feels that nervousness again, like he's going to ruin everything somehow, but he nods anyway and says he'll try. Yata smiles encouragingly at him and says why don't they go home. As Yata gets up Fushimi looks after him and then coughs and is like 'when we get home...do you want to talk?'. Yata's eyes light up and he reaches out a hand to help Fushimi off the bench like 'yeah, I'd like that.'

[ridiasfangirlings]

Munakata's already bought matching rings for Fushimi. But he understands that Fushimi might not wear it all the time if he's embarrassed. Munakata buys a necklace for Fushimi instead. A simple silver one that just looks plain and unassuming with no pendant or anything and looks not so "possessive" like a ring. Does this make Fushimi feel better?

I'm just imagining Munakata buying Fushimi all kinds of jewelry constantly because he's determined to find one that makes Fushimi feel most comfortable XD Like initially he buys them matching rings and while Fushimi takes the ring he seems reluctant to wear it, it's not like he dislikes being with Munakata but it feels very conspicuous to be wearing this matching ring. It probably makes him feel like a shitty boyfriend too, like Munakata's always being so affectionate and Fushimi can't even so much as wear one stupid ring – but then at the same time wearing the ring feels like acceptance that their relationship is precious and permanent and these are two things that Fushimi has trouble believing of any of his relationships.

Munakata of course can tell that Fushimi's conflicted and he can probably guess why Fushimi might be uncomfortable with something that's so heavily laden with symbolism as a ring is. Therefore he ends up buying Fushimi a necklace as well, just this plain silver thing. When Fushimi gets the gift he gives this slightly bitter smile as he says Munakata's showering him with gifts huh, Munakata says it pleases him to gift things to Fushimi and he thought Fushimi would enjoy it. Fushimi wonders if this is Munakata's way of being possessive and Munakata notes that Fushimi seems fond of necklaces, so he thought this would be the perfect gift. Fushimi clicks his tongue but smiles slightly as he puts it on, drawling that well, maybe he can wear this for a while then (also then imagine at some point as Fushimi starts to let himself believe more that his relationship with Munakata is actually going to last he ends up stringing the ring onto the necklace, it's not as strong as wearing it on his finger but it's like the first step to accepting that maybe some precious things won't break).