#im wondering where it will end up but tbh i dont think theres enough time left to deal w it & god only knows if we'll ever get a s3

[theclosetedskeleton]

UHHH UMM IM NOT SURE WHAT TO ASK AS FOR CHNT THINGS BUT FEEL FREE TO INFODUMP/RANT (HEADCANONS, FAVORITE EPISODES, ANYTHING YOU WANT!!!)<33

YAYAYAY ALRIGHT !!!

Hmmmm I need to listen to chnt in like one sitting someday so i can say what ALL of my favorite episodes are but some of them are

Episode 3 (i think that episode is just sydney and the late night/evening/ghost recorder announcement thingys (I could be wrong about what episode 3 is abt though bc when I was trying to relisten to chnt at 3am today I realized I didnt reset some of the episodes so some of them started playing in the middle or the end))

Episode 5 - The part where sydney makes jedidiah do the opposite day announcements is so fucking funny to me and jedidiah is so me for that like he asked "how granular are you supposed to be about this" and tbh that would totally be something I'd ask

okay theres a huge gap here bc i forgot a lot of the middle episodes 💔 but 100% the episodes where soren appears because i feel like there werent enough episodes with him speaking I really do hope he appears in s2 for longer amounts of time

Episode 24 - A mediation session episode!!!!!! this episodes pretty nice its with sydney salem and jedidiah, everytime I hear jedidah say "I dont see you as a nuisance, sydney." and then sydney goes "or a thing to avoid?" I can imagine jedidiahs argument failing and giving up like that one ant image

Episode 27 - the clock of meantime the clock of MEANTIME THE CLOCK OF MEANTIME THE

By far one of my favorite episodes, i may be biased bc jedidiahs my favorite character and he talks a lot in that episode but the entire episode the part were sydney talks and then it goes to jedidiah and in general minus the part where elijah shows up the episode is like amazing I could listen to it over and over i think i listened to it like 8 times i forgot !!! but like its getting to the point where I can recite certain parts of the episode off of memory

Episode 30 - that mediation session with joshua, yvonne and jedidiah is so funny to me, I like all of the mediation session episodes but this one has got to be my favorite mediation session episode

ALSO episode uhh was it 32 or 33/34??? whatever the ending episode is where jedidiah finds out that elijah is the elephant man, also jedidiahs use of magic intrigues me, I hope we get to figure out more of that in s2

OKAY NOW FOR RANDOM RAMBLINGS!!!!!!!!!

S2 IS GONNA COME OUT IN LIKE A FEW MONTHS IM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THAT EAHGHRWJ

i wonder what jedidiahs is gonna sound like since nicholas belov left the chnt project

praying in s2 we get to hear more of soren ✊✊ also maybe like characters like fennel and warren + juno

ALSO up and adam!!!! hes kinda silly (I say this as hes a fucking auto cannibal)

OKAY UHH SOME HCS I HAVE BC I COULD KEEP GOING BUT LIKE I HAVE TO GO SOON AND THIS POST WOULD BE LIKE THE LENGTH OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

i am fighting DEMONS not to hc sydney & jedidiah as transmasc aroace and in a qpr THE PROJECTION DEMONS HAVE CAUGHT UP WITH ME ISTG

ALSO I think i hc soren as ftm because why the FUCK NOT

NOBODY IS CISHET IN CHNT (minus lucille 🤨😒/LH) LIKE IF YOURE THERE AND YOURE CISHET YOU GET KICKED OUT AND YOU LOOK LIKE THAT ANT IMAGE /J

Obv im joking but that ideas so funny to me

OMAY IM GONNA STOP FOR NOW I COULD GO ON BUT IVE BEEN TYPING FOR 20 MINUTES

[sadkois]

you know what! i LOVE fics/aus/whatever revolvin around TIME SHENANIGANS (biggest example is time travel) and there needs to be more of these with nishiki and so here's a few ideas i've been thinking about...

Back to the past. after the explosion, nishiki wakes up in the past. sort of a second chance i guess :) (alt. kiryu is the one sent to the past. alt2. they both get sent to the past)

Time loop. similarly, after the explosion, nishiki wakes up in the morning of the final battle, except this time he has to relive the same day over and over... and over...

Switcheroo. 2005!nishiki & 80's!nishiki switch places :)

Back to the... future? nothin to do with that movie asgdh just send any nishiki into the future. it doesn't even have to be y0 to kiwami. it could be like. idk. get a nishiki thrown to y5. one of these could be either y0 or 1996 nishiki gets sent to y7. i really want nishiki to meet ichiban lmao

Meet&Greet. well, you know. all the ideas before only had one nishiki running around. but what if the past meets the future :)

Time Out. time stops while nishiki and kiryu are throwin punches. like, it stops for everyone except them.

read more for my nonsense. spoilers for y0 & kiwami. tw for suicide.

BACK TO THE PAST

After the EXPLOSION in kiwami, nishiki wakes up in the past. WHEN in the past you wonder? why there's a lot of possibilities... it could be anywhere between y0 and kiwami :') maybe even when they both were younger... tho my personal favourite moments are:

the moment he was pointing the gun at kiryu in y0. (he has a gun! when he exploded he had a gun too!)

the exact moment he killed dojima (yep another moment where he has a gun in his hands... )

LIKE HE CAN MAYBE FIX THINGS OR MAKE THINGS WORSE LMAO. BUT ALSO PLEASE SAVE YUKO... AAA

i havent thought much of this but yea. as for the alternatives. well i wanna talk about alt2 cause its always fun when two characters are sent to the past but they DONT know the other one knows, if u get what i mean lmao

TIME LOOP

OK COME ON, TIME LOOPS ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST THINGS.

AGAIN. after the EXPLOSION, nishiki wakes up in the past, except this time he's gonna be stuck in a loop instead :) i think it would be great for it to be the morning of the final battle (alternatively 2 days before the final battle. tbh im a bit unsure of the timeline, but im takin the morning as having reina and shinji already dead, while 2 days prior has everyone alive... depends on how bad things are gonna be for everyone lmao)

this is the idea i have thought of the most but at the same time im incapable of putin it into words aaaa

but just. imagine nishiki having to relive the same day over and over. obviously he doesnt realize hes in a loop the first time, he sees it instead as a second chance to actually win lol. i think nishikis smart enough to actually manage this while having knowledge of the "future". so he wins. gets rid of jingu. gets the money. he thinks he's done it but the loop starts again :) actually, to confuse nishiki a bit, maybe he should get shot at the end of that first loop. so he thinks he just messed up that last part :) but yea. he relives everything again and again and again and what is he supposed to do to escape this hell. (oh he absolutely thinks this is just hell at some point. he died the first time and this is his personal hell....) some scenarios for some of the loops could be:

he ends up killing kiryu instead (for this one the loop doesnt immediately begin again. i want him to go really 'what have i done' for this one lmao)

he shoots/stabs himself the first moments of a loop. he, of course wakes up again like nothing happened

he just. leaves. grab his car and drive out of this place for good. it doesnt work.

i want him to talk about the loop to someone. theres many characters he could talk to... kiryu maybe being the last resort...

i want something funny cause it cant be all too awful all the time. i dont know what tho.

he ends up threatenin/killlin/etc etc quite some people

of course this all ends at some point but aaaa thinkin about it.... thinkin about it.

SWITCHEROO

still thinkin about it. i think it would be fun for them to switch with their appearances too. like, 2005 nishiki with his bigass eyebags and blood gel hair is suddenly in serena with kiryu and reina.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

OK DAMMIT. ignoring everything else to just say that ichiban and nishiki should be friends. ICHIBAN IS THE KINDA FRIEND NISHIKI NEEDS OK. SOMEOEN WHO ISNT AFRAID TO EMOTE. (WHO CAN EMOTE OASGDHFJG) also this could actually also be sendin ichiban to the past or soemthin idk. WAIT. IT COULD BE SOMETHIN LIEK THE XMEN FUTURE PAST MOVIE. I DONT KNOW.

MEET&GREET

i feel like 80s nishiki & 2005 nishiki would hate each other on sight and i wanna see it. 2005 nishiki cause ew thats my cringe past self and 80s nishiki would pick up those vibes immediately. and once hearing about everythng 2005 nishiki did he would start throwing punches lmao. at the end i think they should talk tho. maybe they can help each other out...

TIME OUT

OK YEA. U KNOW THAT PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR EPISODE WITH KING JULIEN N KOWALSKI? if not. well. the thing is while they are punchin each other out time stops. of course they dont freakin notice until nishiki falls down and kiryu gets the chance to look around. yumi and haruka are frozen. he notices nishiki is the only one actually breathin and we go from there :) practically the fic to force them to TALK. (watch one of them freakin leave lmao)

ALSO YES I REALIZE TIME SHENANIGANS OR WHATEVER ARENT REALLY NECESSARY FOR SOME OF THESE BUT HEY . I JUST LOVE THOSE OK.

[svankmajerbaby]

A Brief (?) Analysis of the Barbie (2023) Teaser

here’s the teaser itself btw

ok So. first of all getting a teaser that looks so polished this early on (considering this comes out in July) is kind of amazing. it makes me wonder just how much special effects it will have, and if there’s any particular reason for it to be released specifically in july of 2023 (apart from competing with nolan’s latest).

but to what matters: i have three big questions regarding this movie so far. 1. who’s the target audience, 2. what time it is set in, 3. what place it is set in. all of them are more ambiguous than it sounds.

1. who’s the target audience

we don’t get a mpaa rating, but i’m gonna assume it will be pg-13 (as most movies are nowadays it feels like). i do not believe this will be targeted towards kids, which makes me curious to what sort of message it will try to send its audience and what themes it’s trying to convey. from the admittedly unreliable original plot that was announced, in which barbie is kicked out of barbieland for not being “perfect” enough (which tbh i dont love as a base concept), i had a feeling this would be a sort of enchanted 2007-style movie. barbie has to leave her dreamhouse for the grimy reality, ken might chase after her through the real world to bring her back, maybe will ferrel’s big bad executive discovers shes left and tries to ‘discontinue’ her or something, barbie will learn about self-acceptance or bravery or self-reliance or her own inner strength along the way, happy ending. i want to give gerwig and baumbach a little more credit, though, and say that they can do something more interesting. not being focused on sending a positive message to kids, and hopefully being allowed by mattel to actually put barbie in challenging situations can help this happen.

also, there has been (again, unreliable) reports on the movies that influenced this barbie feature: where i had thought, thinking of a children’s movie version, about enchanted 2007 meets the lego movie 2014, or even something like legally blonde 2001, theres jacques demy movies and the truman show 1998 --which i think is absolutely fascinating. this does promise a more “grown up” narrative, which im excited to see.

2. what time it is set in

one of the first images we see are of little girls playing with baby dolls, dressed in this old-timey but still twentieth century fashion.... considering the reveal at the end of this sequence, it would be safe to say they’re meant to be 1950s little girls. i have a feeling this sequence is either just for the teaser or it won’t have much actual weight in the movie --it’s meant to be a joke, is what im trying to say. still, it does give a glimpse of what the general style and tone of the movie will be like.

(this is also just a detail but i love how the girls’ clothes are all in these dusty dirt tones that make them blend with the background, its very much in line with how “life was all dull and grim until Barbie™ showed up!!”)

and also, it makes the pink pop out, of course. but the lettering is usually a great indicator of tone and time a movie is set in: and this lettering in particular, used around the late 1970s throughout the 1980s, i think is really good to make a guess. i don’t think the movie will be set in any particular time (at least not the scenes in “barbieland”, but more on that later) but choosing a styling more associated with the 80s does make the story one that is less focused on modern critiques and successes associated with the brand and more on the nostalgic feeling of the doll itself. separating the modern brand from the past also allows for a much broader critique, which makes for any self-aware jokes much easier than if it mocked decisions made by modern-day mattel, is what i mean (this is what i meant by associating it with enchanted 2007: the disney movie was made decades after the cliches it mocks, like the helpless princess who sings to animals and marries the prince rightaway, so at least to me it was funny but not particularly topical or timely. like a modern mocking of victorian corset-wearing, its not the sort of critiques i find particularly urgent or interesting to make)

3. what place it’s set in

the united states of course, probably los angeles --but i mean it in what reality its gonna be set. from my enchanted-meets-lego movie perspective, i thought it would differentiate between the barbieland (the clear artificial space these characters inhabit) and the real world (where barbie goes to learn a valuable lesson)

(the lack of privacy is astounding, which, if we are really going to go the truman show route, is pretty cool in and of itself. and also an amazing feat of set design, if it’s all real sets)

the teaser shows all “artificial” spaces, which by the production design all seem part of barbieland. i’m assuming its to convey the fun glitzy comedy tone of the movie so far, which would probably be more developed once we get a full length trailer. though, if the whole movie is set in barbieland (since those reports of the plot are admittedly pretty old and i think gerwig and baumbach have done extensive rewrites, if not a complete overhauling of the script), that could also be very interesting. by not having a parallel reality, we would have to see barbie develop own opinions and change this whole society from the ground up, instead of having the influence of a real world’s views affecting her and pushing her to change. i don’t think thats truly the case (the existence of will ferrel’s lord business-style matter executive villain/antagonist throws a wrench on this theory) but it would still be fun to see.

all in all, even with a brief teaser we get a lot of info. i believe so far that this will not be meant to be a children’s movie (so any hopes that it will do a shoutout to the direct-to-video movies are rather moot), it will focus on a nostalgic version of barbie instead of any set in the present or in an actual time period, and that at least the reports of there being a “barbieland” are true. it exists, and its plastic, and fantastic, and very, very pink

[bookshelfdreams]

I'm sorry, but these just are not at all analogous situations.

Ah, see that's where i disagree (respectfully, of course).

Yes, the narrative absolves Stede of Nigel's death, but not on a technicality of whether or not he "actually" caused his demise. Stede is absolved because Nigel was a dick and got what was coming for him. On this show, bigots are wasted and no one needs to feel bad about it.

Nigel's death made Stede realize he is capable of terrible things. This isn't a terrible thing, but leaving his family was. Stede flashes back to Mary as he goes to his execution; that's the guilt that isn't resolved, that's the one morally wrong thing he did, this is what he feels he deserves to be executed for.

But! On the other hand killing Nigel (for whatever value of the word) is probably the first time in his life Stede defends himself against abuse. It is set up by showing us flashbacks to Stede's childhood, moments in his life where he was powerless, a victim of violence. He hits Nigel in the head and suddenly, isn't a victim anymore.

He's someone who can use violence to protect himself and others.

The scene with Ned is set up very similarly to the one with Nigel, I'd say. Both times, his ship is boarded. Both times, the catalyst is the soon-to-be-dead man taunting and humiliating Stede, insulting his friends. Ned, as I mentioned, uses racially charged insults against Ed, something that's always been a crime worthy of death on this show, not to mention the other explicit damage he does.

Of course the scenes aren't the same: Stede now knows for sure that hitting someone in the head with a heavy object will kill them, for one. Stede is, as you correctly point out, safe. He is warned against going through with it (when Ed says "I don't respect you enough to kill you", part of what that means is "You're not worth the dmaage killing you would do to me", don't you agree?).

There's a brief flashback to child!Stede's worst moments before he kills Ned. He's not that child anymore. He can hit back now.

And he does.

(I wrote a bit more about how I think it fits into the ongoing theme of violence in ofmd here, but I think you won't agree with that either 😅)

I'm not saying this is a good course of action. I can understand why you do not like this. I, too, would have preferred it if this had been a moment for Stede to realize that violence is poison, but I also think he's not quite there yet.

All I'm saying is, that this, to me, is a believable progression of his character, and a believable way to set up conflict between the two protagonists.

longer post to follow but i really don't understand people who thought stede killing ned and setting that dude on fire was out of character?? no??? throwing the violin at ned's head was only a tiny step further than hitting nigel with the brass sperm whale, and we dealt with that; established that this is something stede would do and feel no real remorse for. my boy is unhinged, he would kill a man and wouldn't feel bad about it either (especially if said man called ed classist and racially charged insults, hello??).

what was, however, out of character was him calling ed a coward

[thisdreamplace]

What do you think of confrontation? All of my life I have been scared of expressing myself when something bothers me. I always remained silent. When I found the law, I was relieved because "oh, I don't need to express anything, I can stay quiet and just imagine things changed and everything will fall into place" i felt comfortable with that, but I knew deep down that there were many times where I wanted to speak, but felt like it was useless or was going to "ruin" my manifestations. I usually have moments where I wish I had reassurance but never feel the right to ask for it. Watching Dylan James was a safe space because he talks a lot about non-confrontation and I think he's right about most of it but... confrontation is normal I guess and may be needed??? Idk.

The point is, I recently had a discussion with my "SP", with him it's been a never ending story of on and off communication. He always ghosted me and then I would "manifest" him back, blah blah. Yesterday I was so triggered and this time instead of keeping it to myself, I basically told him everything that I was feeling. And like, yes it didn't solve anything, but it felt so right to finally defend myself. To finally feel like I had the right to speak. I ended up apologizing because I recognized it was all a response coming from a trigger. I did not regret saying what I said tho. What I did feel bad for, was because I started the drama out of nowhere because I was spiralling, I honestly had no real motives. He ended up getting mad and like, it does make me sad, but at the same time why would I want something to do with someone with whom I can't express myself with? I get it that maybe I could see this from a different perspective, but... right now, in this moment, what I know for sure is that I don't want this kind relationship in my life. I deserve better. I also deserve to be better for myself and find more validation within rather than waiting for someone to give it to me.

This felt like the beginning of me being more true to myself.

okay by the end of this i was SCREAMING YESSSSSSSSS ANON YESSSSSS. all of this.

i had a similiar experience last year, actually, creepily similiar. because i too, was like, always really into dj and his perspective on things. and then suddenly i was like well wait a minute. what if i did speak my mind and start standing my ground ? i think its such a slippery slope. because i think some people can do the non-confrontational thing and thrive. but for me it made things fester inside of me, resentment would grow, and i would kind of just gaslight myself along the way about how i need to be more understanding of bs. anyway, for me it began with a friend though. and it was hard and difficult, and it didnt go the way i wanted it to because just like in your case, they reacted more defensively than openly. and sometimes, i get waves of "did i truly handle that well ? was it right for me to open up and finally say how i feel ?" and im like yeah. absolutely. for the exact same reasons you realized. i also don't want to be in relationships where we can't have open communication and actually be open enough to want to move forward together. and funny thing is, after that whole thing collapsed, i literally met someone who knows how to have healthy communication, to the point where i was challenged and i had to, and have to, actively work on being a better communicator and being aware of my triggers. knowing how to express them well, rather than shutting down or feeling too scared to because of the conditioning of my past. and theres so much space held for me now, for expressing myself authentically and openly. that sometimes i dont even know how to act, LOL its been wonderful but so terrifying at times. and i absolutely love it tbh. its so beautiful here and its lovely to be experiencing so much love like this.

i guess i say all this to say that you absolutely did the right thing. following your heart, being true to you, will always be the truest and most right thing. and even if that includes confrontation, then so be it. you will see how there are people in the world who are going to hold space for you and be so open to the way you authentically express yourself. now that you finally realize it, the world is realizing it too. what a lovely beginning <3

[foreverisntenough]

omg i love act ii tbh but after the last two chapters i feel like the angst is almost forced? i dont think theres like a valid reason for jude to feel like that honestly like yeah shes got her past and hes obv sad that men used to take advantage of her but when they discussed it the next morning it felt very 🤔 also bc it ended up not getting resolved. and im just now reading ours so a bit lost on the whole whitney topic but thats on me lmaooo. ive loved every bit so far tho always looking forward for a new update!! i didnt come here sooner bc i got distracted by intl football lol. if u want me to be honest id even like them to get married, need their happy ending!!!!! just like whit and trent.

i was also wondering if maybe u didnt like one of my comments before bc ive noticed u dont reply to them all 😭 im sorry if ive ever said smth out of place or rude. nothing is w bad intentions!! its actually the first time i talk to an author like this so maybe i took things too far?? idk anyways i love ur work and i hope to continue reading ur beautiful stories :) have a nice dayyy

Hiiii this may be long! sorry! Firstly, TYSM for mesaging me and so much for sharing! I totally get it.

I think something I struggle with is covering the ups and downs of a relationship without it feeling forced. It'd be a bit stale imo if things were just good 100% through so many chapters. In my opinion relationships ebb and flow and so as it gets more cemented it wouldn't be far fetched to question someone's past they settle down.

Also, a component of 'Act II' is meant for both characters to have their former persons sort of be be dismantled by this relationship. Both Y/N and Jude's confidence is called into question when they really care so. much The conversation wasn't intended to resolved but I understand how it might feel forced.

The Whitney topic was tough because if you've read 'You're Mine' and 'Our's it was more of a building crescendo. Where as in 'Act II' it felt more out of context. I can imagine it might've been hard to follow. It was confusing to include but I hoped it brought some emotional vulnerability to it. Seeing Y/N as a friend but also her relying on Jude.

Aw yeah, I want their happy ending too! I don't know how long I can carry this series though! I feel like it may be redundant. IDK though

I definitely didn't purposefully not reply! <3<3 If it was something more gossip related or controversial I might have not answered. It wouldn't have been intentionally if it was about the series!

I love that you messaged so thank you so much for feeling brave enough to! I really appreciate it SM <3 ILY hope you have a good day too :)

[lorisystem]

Sorry about to be negative but need vent

So i had a rlly difficult day and tbh this probably doesnt help but these thoughts i have them all the time its a constant opinion and not just a negative spiral. Although right now feeling this a lot and affecting me more than usual

Anyway like i got back from paid leave last week and my job is like rlly demanding. Im gonna say for me because my threshold for difficult is really low. But yea its just the workload is fairly heavy, theres a lot of pressure, and theres a lot of drama etc. To be fair my neurotypical coworkers are also struggling etc.

But anyway one of the things about paid leave is that when you are able to be off for enough days in a row (like 3 weeks in my case) it really feels like. I was fine during paid leave enjoying my little life doing whatever i wanted being paid etc. You go back to work and its like. Why am i subjecting myself to this. Why. Whats the point. It doesnt even matter. Do i have to even? Why did we all decide to just be doing this. So whatever but thats one thing going on etc

Idkkkk if its like. Haha seasonal or what but im having slightly more suicidal ideation than usual. Like this is not worrying at all like im not in danger or anything. Disclaimer i wont do anything etc. And im saying this completely deadpan non emotionally- Buttt like to give an idea even at my happiest / euphoric i always think of dying as a good thing. I rlly have a hard time finding anything worth it. Literally best i can do is "yeah for this reason i can endure until i die of natural/accidental causes but rlly glad that it does end at some point". So thats my baseline i live like this and most of the time im fine cause like, my number one priority in life is to avoid whatever causes me suffering and stress and like the thing about suicide is that non violent methods are inaccessible to me which i think is unethical but thats my own issue lol. So basically as long as my life is less painful than suicide im at no risk of dying and i do my best to minimize suffering, doing fine on that, so everything is fine. Alright

But like anyway i was thinking that my number one problem in life currently and idk how to solve it its impossible right?

Is like. I want to live a life where i can be myself/not mask. That is to say be authentically who i am speak like i think act like i think dress how i want use the pronouns i use etc (im talking about displaying asd traits, dressing weird, being trans, ace, polyam queer etc) like just harmless things that are my core personality and defining traits right. AND be respected as a human being.

That is to say like id like to go outside and participate in society sometimes without having to pretend to be "normal" and also at the same time to not get weird looks, not get nasty looks, not get catcalled, not get harassed, not get commented upon, not get someone coming up to me to comment on my outfit or be mean to me, not get someone feeling entitled to treat me as subhuman, not stalked, not at fear of being assaulted, not get rumors spread about me, not followed around, not preyed upon etc etc just for existing <3 bc i dare to look abnormal and vulnerable ppl notice and think im not human.

Ive had all those happen to me and thankfully nothing too bad either like it happens to some ppl so i will display a certain amount of disgusting gratefulness bc of course i have some privilege so there is obviously way worse than me. Somehow still enough to make me traumatized and agoraphobic!

I just want to exist and that its ok and that ppl dont wonder if thats ok if they should take advantage of me or try to help and correct whatever is wrong with me.

And that is too much to ask! Its literally too much to ask.

We live in a world where we cant expect especially marginalized ppl, to be respected. To exist outside or in public etc and just not get someone to make us understand thats somth is wrong with us.

I have to pretend to be normal, all this effort so at the end of the day not only am i dead inside but also i still know ppl think theres still somth off about me.

So anyway this is my pipe dream and the reason ill never think anything is good or worth it. Is there in the world a happy place like this? I think about it all the time, where is the land i can be happy and ppl act normal to me.

Anyway a dream ive had is to save up and buy a house on a mortgage and like. I have a good salary at the moment for a single person, its pretty good. But my spouse is struggling to find a job and anything resembling takes a lot of energy from them so idk if its viable long term even and on my salary alone thats impossible. So idk. And like thats fine but its sad cause my spouse is rlly depressed about it etc.... capitalism does this to us.. yk how it is..

Im thinking maybe i should just attempt to start a thing to get disability aid or somth which is. The amount is basically only the minimum to live for one person if you leave in a shoebox and have no expense. So like the quality of life for myself and my spouse would seriously decrease in terms of living space and other nice things so like meh. But most importantly id have to get reevaluated every few years etc at risk of losing it if i stop qualifying it. Which can reasonably happen even if the doctor i have changes and they decide no longer disabled or someth even. That is if i even get it cause like i am actually capable at least for now to work full time in the way i do. Sucks the whole time, but capable. So idk what to do. Maybe i reduce my time of work. Idk. The fear of losing the disability is rlly too much for me too like. I have no financial support if that happens i cant count on my family at all for anything. Im too scared/traumatized by poverty to not have stability.

Honestly i think its just this forever then? Ig i should make another therapy appointment but last time my therapist said something that set me off and now i dont wanna go again its so dumb cause i rlly like her and been w her for like. Idk almost 2 years now. And she just said one thing which i think even she meant nothing by it and now im just like. I rlly hate that its happening i just feel the ick.

I was telling this to my spouse too like when you repress your emotions so much all the time you stop feeling sadness or anger etc you just feel the ick. Like profoundly uncomfortable with no words to put on it rlly

So thats going on for me ♡ sorry for being negative though just going through my mind but ill be ok etc

[softness-and-shattering]

Its also an accessibility thing re focus and attention and being able to function, and sensory input and overwhelm.

Its like instead of a way to sell products the ads themselves have become the products. Why would you advertise in a game, I already bought the game!

I literally dont know when I last had an ad shoved in my face and then thought "yes I need that, I will buy it." And given amount of ads viewed per day thats saying something.

And theres those torture porn ads for games that dont exist. So many ads for games that dont exist, for weird scam products and scam services, whats the point? Who is even funding all these ads, because theres no way enough people buy whatevers being advertized to justify the output.

It also just pisses me off, that "content creators" are selling my attention. Im not even being paid for my attention, someone else is robbing me of focus and sensory threshold and time and blood pressure and they're selling it on to advertisers. I did not ever consent to this. Im not profiting from it either. Im listening to a podcast to learn something, not to be cajoled into buying some irrelevant thing, and even if it sounds good in theory, the fact of it being shilled makes me not trust it.

And outside, in public space, whos deciding where billboards go up not just big outside ones but when every corner of a shopping centre has screens and flashing and theres ads painted on the floors and no fucking wonder everything is overstimulating, theres not a single blank patch of anything anywhere to rest your eyes and mind on. Its hard to even rest when its my choice to put my phone down like Ive forgotten how to do it like im too wired.

Its so many layers of bullshit and its honestly terrifying because where will they go next. If we dont get laws in somehow, or some other way to block and dissuade, well theres plenty dystopian sci fi are we gonna have ads in our eyeballs, watch 3 ads before you can order food, sit through 2 unskippable ads before the dr will see you? AND FOR WHAT GAIN. Why does it feel like the advertising is the end goal? If life was a scifi it would be some brainwashing thing and tbh what is this amount of advertising input doing to us? Its so unnatural. (I dont think its that sinister, probably. Such a conspiracy would require too many people to cooperate and succeed). But like. I did not ever consent to this. I actively do not want it. More and more insidious ubiquitious advertising is becoming more normal and its BAD.

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[stanharu]

beastars episode 24 thoughts!

this post got kinda long i have Many Thoughts on this one

Overall I had fun watching this ep but I could really tell it was rushed and there was so much that got cut, which makes me super sad. our fears about the finale having pacing issues due to all the added scenes & rearranging were confirmed & it rly sucks, but i'll elaborate more on that in a bit.

this week's ep covered the end of chapter 92, chapters 93-97, and included small bits of chapters 98 & 99.

so the ep starts with the ED and the latter part of the tunnel scene with ibuki and louis. i liked the visual effect they used to show that they were in the dark. louis' voice acting was also On Point. for the most part i think this scene was done pretty well but I can tell it's being rushed also. I really wish we got more buildup and narration instead of just jumping straight to ibuki telling louis to shoot him. the way it is in the anime feels less impactful imo.

also im sad we didnt get to see this in the anime

before i move on, i wanna talk a bit about louis and his relationship w/ the shishigumi and ibuki. i feel like in the anime quite a few of the lil moments that really endear you to the shishigumi and also ibuki were either cut or kinda glossed over, which is strange to me considering how much effort and care went into the ED. it's very emotional and good but i feel like maybe anime onlies are missing out only seeing the anime and the MV. but idk.

legosi and riz's fight was quite rushed as well. there's so much narration and dialogue missing from it and that really rubs me the wrong way. It wasn't all bad but compared to the manga I just don't think it's as good. I will say tho that I really liked the sequence w legosi and the moths. I thought it looked really nice and was pretty well done.

also i liked how the backgrounds had some anti-yahya graffiti, its a nice touch imo

it says "high quality horse meat"

I was happy to see legosi do the "tell me more" pose but I'm honestly disappointed that the anime took out the whole exposition about why legosi did it. like i feel like without that it's just legosi being weird when he has a reason for it!!! This is just one example of the anime taking out crucial narration during the fight.

I also think it's kinda weird how they changed how louis shows up at the fight. im not sure how i feel about riz just charging at him like that, but i liked how legosi kicked him before they ran lol.

i dont have much to say about pina's small scene but I did wanna say that during my first watch thru of the ep i was too distracted trying to read the graffiti behind him that i didn't notice him getting his phone out of the dumpster and calling the cops lmao

it says "devour yahya"

and now... here we are... the predation scene.

overall i thought it was pretty well done but, like the rest of the ep, i could tell it was also being kinda rushed. some important beats werent given enough time to really sink in, and there's a few bits of narration taken out of this part as well that i find disappointing :^(

tho i did like how the anime called back to this scene in s1 when legosi mentions utilizing his strength.

also this part where louis is remembering ibuki had me like😭

I also really liked seeing louis cry. I was crying too sjdflskjdflsjkdf. i thought that scene was really good, its prolly my favorite part of the ep tbh. getting to hear the whole predation scene voiced made me kind of a mess lol. i really liked louis' expressions throughout this whole ep too. studio orange used their whole louis expression budget on these last 2 eps lmao.

seeing legosi instantly get all beefed up was great too. he looked a little ridiculous but i kinda loved it lol. he's so huge and poofy. i love him.

big pomeranian

anyway, im also sad they took out louis' line about being reduced to a flashback character lol. instead he tells legosi "be a hero" again which... im not sure about that change. i liked the part with riz thinking back about tem tho. tho imo the way riz realizes he's in the wrong feels pretty sudden. again adding to how rushed the whole ep feels.

before i move on again i just wanna say legosi looks so cute. even all puffed up and covered in blood. how does he do that

baby boy baby. i wanna ruffle his cheek floofs.

i think one of the things im most disappointed about from this whole ep was how the fight got wrapped up. i really like how the cops show up and totally shift the tone in the manga jslkdfjskljdf. im also really sad we didnt get this interaction

tthe anime really took out most of the sillier moments from the finale, which makes me pretty sad to think about. i know the anime and manga have different tones but pls let the boys be silly sometimes!!

the next part where legosi and louis finally establish their friendship was really cute tho ❤️ even tho it was pretty different i enjoyed it a lot.

BABIESSSS 🥺😭❤️❤️

the wrap-up for this arc and this episode gave me whiplash sdjlfkjsdf. it literally speedruns thru legosi's predation conviction, being released, louis & haru's graduation, and legosi deciding he's going to drop out of school. that is SO MUCH AT ONCE. also i was holding out hope that legosi would have his new years call with haru after the fight instead but that didnt happen!! so it just got cut!!! kinda mad about that tbh. legosi and haru having a lil scene at the very end made up for it a lil bit but that's still one of haru's few moments in this arc that's just not included.

we didnt even get the part wher legosi learns he can't marry haru bc of his conviction.

ive been really hoping for a season 3 announcement once this season ended. with all the background allusions to yahya, the added plot point of someone stealing elephant tusks, and sebun and melon's lil cameos in this season, it seemed to me that studio orange was kinda teasing a 3rd season. but now, with the dismissive way the anime ended, and paru's note from earlier today, im less sure about the possibility of a 3rd season. i'd still like to see the rest of the series animated, but i guess we'll just have to wait and see if more anime is announced in the future.

if we do get another season in the future i just hope that we swing back around and actually address the things that got completely glossed over in the last couple minutes of this episode instead of charging forward w/o touching them again.

i really think the finale for this arc should've been two episodes at least. not including the tunnel scene. i think then things wouldn't have felt so rushed. people have been saying this season really would have benefitted from at least 1 extra episode and i cant help but agree. some have even suggested a whole 24 episodes just for this arc, but i think that this arc couldve been done properly with 12 or 13 episodes if there was some better prioritizing on what to include and what to cut.

like i dont mind not getting the parts about legosi's family if they can be addressed somehow in a future season (or if theres no more future anime seasons thats a plot thread that doesnt have to be worried about). i could have lived w/o seeing sheila & peach's chapter animated if it meant more time for the focus of this arc. and was the kangaroo red herring really necessary?

adaptation wise, i dont think this season was as good as the first. i still think it did fairly well, but i know that it could have been much better. ive been excited to watch this season with my friends once the dub releases, but now im wondering if i should just tell them to read the manga instead. sighs idk. perhaps it comes thru better as a bingewatch, or perhaps im being a bit too harsh. idk. at some point ill do a rewatch and see how i feel about the season as a whole, but that wont be for a while.

if you've read this far, thanks for reading my ramblings!! it's been fun to make these posts every week and im gonna miss getting new episodes every week.

[notmanagingmymischief]

ok ok first of all, thank you for being so sweet with me :") i love you sm sxjnsjxhs 💕💕

now. im just going to say that this happened irl btw lol so. yeah, theres this friend of mine who i like quite a bit, they have always managed to be nice and understanding of my anxiety, adhd and what else is probably going on inside my brain lol so i grew very fond of them and also came to trust them a lot.

but, today, while we were doing a group project w the just the two of us, when deciding upon a few matters i became overwhelmed and couldnt think properly - which happens quite often tbh - and they then suddenly snapped at me for being 'way too slow' regarding figuring things out for said project, and that i should just do things on the spot, and do them quickly - even though thats something i kept on telling them about ever since we met, that this is definitely not how it works for me, unfortunately.

i became rather defensive because if that was something that i could change for their sake then i would do so at any given moment, trust me on that. but i couldnt. i mean, its my brain after all-

i tried to tell them that we were different, that despite whatever they tried to say i couldnt just work at the very same pace as them. but after some ridiculous arguments being thrown, i was just tired and decided to shut up and continue on doing what we were doing anyway.

so.. what made me extremely confused is that they never acted that way with me, they were always so sweet and just. so understanding of me. i was genuinely sad to see them angry like that and cant stop wondering if i did something wrong, or if me being so slow was actually my fault.

i just. dont know what to think of this and wanted a clearer picture before just deciding to talk to them about this, you know ?

im sorry if this is confusing, and if so i can totally make a few things clearer for you - add details and such.

i just want to know if im in the wrong here, and if im the one who should be properly apologizing to them about this-

also. theyre very focused on the school system and tend to be very strict regarding lessons and stuff like that, so them lashing out like this because we were late to deliver this project would be def reasonable, but they always seemed to understand where i stood in such a fucked up system and that i couldnt function or thrive in a place as such like they could, so i always hoped and assumed that they truly came to know about matters like this, and that they wouldnt get mad at me for not being able to fit in properly.

(i too dont know why they kept on being by my side all this time if im way too slow for them, or why they kept on pairing up with me if they have more than friends than i will ever have on that school. they could have just picked someone else, but despite knowing how slow i am they still accepted being my partner and still came to lash out on me for being. me apparently ?)

i genuinely dont know what happened and dont want to continue on making them angry at me because of this, and i surely dont want to lose the only friend i have there.. so, if you have any advice or if you might know what the hell just happened id greatly appreciate it ;;

(sorry for the huge text btw. im just bad at like. summarizing things)

sorry this took me forever to answer i was proofreading some work mbgfhtjv

ANYWAY i did my best to space this out well enough to understand--at least how it would help me to understand hyugtjhrytnh-

now this is...this is a really tough topic hun. as someone who also has executive dysfunction--not that i'm saying that's what you necessarily have, i'm just using the term from my end--i know what it's like to not be able to work at the same pace as everyone else.

so i'll let you know the most important thing first: this was not your fault. it will never ever be your fault that you don't work the same way that they do. alright? that's very very important to remember, no matter how much you may feel like it.

it is not your job to apologize for being different, that's like me apologizing for not liking guys when my best friend is only attracted to men, you understand? you didn't choose to be born different, just like i didn't choose to be born gay.

now that that's through. i realize how difficult this is to comprehend, especially as it's coming from someone you trust and has been here through this, working with you. it's exceptionally strange that they would just....do that randomly? however they could have issues at home, or online, etc. there's a multitude of reasons why they could have snapped today; things could have been building for a while and your comment might have just made them break.

i think the best approach for you--and you in no way have to do this, i'm just going off personal experience yet again--would be to address them privately, ask them if they're doing well and be nice about questioning what happened. don't accuse them of doing something wrong, just tell them that, hey, that really hurt me and i'm really confused on why you'd do this when you've been nothing but sweet with me.

you know? i hope that all makes sense, again i'm sorry for taking ages to answer hutrgjhn

i love you!! 💚💚

[darkelite020]

Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 7

Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- Ruby? Did I forget? Who/what is Ruby? -- Oh ok. Interesting bounty I suppose. - Wrecker and Omega have a completing mission tradition? That is SO cute. - Hooded person is here >>  -- I’m still holding out on my rex or ahsoka predicition because I think it would make sense for the sisters to call them since theyre friends with ahsoka and obviously she knows about clones and Rex is/was with her last we saw him... but the hooded persons eyes definitely aren’t ahsokas so I think it’s rex and if it is Im gonna be so happy - “Thats not her ugly side?” FFF Tech you bastard I love you - I SEE THE WHITE AND BLUE ARMORED ARM IM GONNA SCREAM - I’M SCREAMING -- REX I MISSED YOU SO MUCH I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU AGAIN AHHHHH --- I KIND OF POKED FUN AT MYSELF THIS WEEK REBLOGGING A MEME OF A GRANDMA SAYING ‘REX WILL BE IN THE NEXT EPISODE’ AND SOME YOUNGER PERSON EXCORTING THEM AND SAYING SOMETHING LIKE ‘OK GRANDMA LETS GET YOU INSIDE’ OR SOME SHIT BUT **VIOLENTLY POINTING AT THE SCREEN** MY LOVE IS HERE - Cid shut the fuck up he is a KING how dare you - Oh no. Oh god. “thats a long story.” Is he going to talk to him about his pov with 66 and about the ship and Jesse AND FIVES OH FUCK -- So it skipped to Rex talking about the end of the war but we didn’t hear really the story itself, and I really hope thats not all we get when it comes to him talking about the people he and at least echo knew. Like if he talked about Fives learning about the chips and not being listened to and that resulted in 66 because of the chips where activated and made them betray the jedi but we get no reaction from Echo I’m going to be pretty disappointed honestly. Like I get the bad batch not really knowing the squad so they have excuses but Echo did, and I really hope they don’t do the thing “Oh well Echo was caught by droids so now he doesn’t care about them anymore” because... that sucks. Like honestly Echo wasn’t even super crazy about seeing Rex either tbh (I get that Echo feels like he doesn’t fit in with regs and thats all fine and dandy) but it kinda feels like he doesn’t give a shit about what he’s gone through with other people. ---Rambling and getting off topic now because I have some shit between Echo and Fives: but if thats the case like we all know it fucked up Fives when he thought Echo was dead so if Echo isn’t the same way about Fives I guess thats just like... depressing and it sucks because everyone sees them as “that duo”. Again we really don’t know what Rex said exactly so its possible it didnt get brought up but if it did...  - Wrecker picking up Rex is so cute but you can see the fucking worry in Rex’s eyes for being picked up by him cause Wrecker would throw him and agjsdb I love it. - Omega straight up being like “youre old” while looking at Rex’s face PFFT no filter kid. - REX KNOWS ABOUT WRECKER -- Good I’m very happy Rex is calling them out on this inhibitor chip shit. ‘Oh crosshair was just an exception’ should definitely not be an excuse. - Oh alright so the glimpse in the trailer was a junkyard and not the same thing. Same kind of ship but not where the graveyard is. Honestly thats kind of a relief. - OH SHIT I WAS TALKING ABOUT FIVES NOW THEY ARE BRINGING HIM UP IM GONNA CRY ABOUT FIVES ALL OVER AGAIN -- wait.... now I don’t know if they know or not about him. - The scenery in this show is really pretty im just gonna go ahead and give some appreciation. - Oh no Wrecker! Pull up the rope!!!!!! He can climb but you can also pull him!!!! -- Thank god. - Omega talking about if something goes wrong? It’s not like theyre all gonna die at the same exact time.... like theyre only gonna do the surgery one at a time so... Omega what are you imagining sis? Like if one person turns? It’s still kind of unlikely that they could defeat the other very talented people in the room. - OH SHIT TECH YELL FOR HELP - HEY THIS HURTS MY FEELINGS DAVE HEY HEY -- LIKE YEAH THEY CANT POSSIBLY KILL THEM ALL CAUSE THE SHOW NEEDS TO GO ON BUT HEY --- Lowkey predicting they could all turn by the end of the show season cause like if they dont beat wrecker and cant use the medical bay then they are fucked. Also especially think this is gonna happen because one of the directors literally said the second half of season 1 is gonna get emotional and holy shit can you imagine. ---- WHAT IF THEY DO AND ITS JUST OMEGA AND REX TEAMING UP TO SAVE THEM HOLY SHIT AND ITD GIVE EVEN MORE OF A MEANING TO THE WORDS “THE BAD BATCH” - Holy shit this fight Wrecker grabbed ECHO BY HIS FUCKING FACE - Ok I was seriously wondering about Omega’s concerns but now HOLY SHIT CAUSE THATS ALL I CAN SAY LIKE THEYRE NOT DEAD BUT OH MY GOD I DIDN’T THINK ITD GO DOWN LIKE THIS - THANK YOU REX OUR HERO - I know we’re all having a moment after Wrecker but can you guys like team up to move him off the table and get your own done like even if its a bit risky cause we don’t need a repeat of what just happened like yeah theres not enough time in the episode for it but still - The *immediate* little head pat “Hey kid” ;-;

- Ok I’m glad theyre getting them out - THE GENTLE REASSURING TOUCHES IN THIS EPISODE *deep breath* ARE GIVING ME SERATONIN  - Wreckers apology ;-; THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD AND CUTE - Rex is leaving already? :( Be safe you funky little space soldier. - Not really surprised the empire is gonna know they were there cause it was only a matter of time but if theyre smart theyd get off planet and back to Cid before the empire gets there to see whats up.  -- Im sure they’ll realize they removed their chips though, I wonder if crosshair will show up (he probably will) but if he does rather its gonna be a fight there between the empire and bb maybe the bb can win and save crosshair or they have to retreat and something else goes on idk. - Would love if Crosshair was saved because he really got the short end of the stick and is being called “the bad batch” but like he’s not even really there with them for the show so far... also you can tell subtly that he doesn’t like being alone which is fucking sad :tm: because all his friends are gone and it hurts even more now because wrecker was talking about how he didn’t want to do things and he was trying not to hurt them and stuff in his apology and you know damn well Crosshair is the same way about his friends he’s probably just a lot less expressive about it.  -- Honestly even bad batch aside can you imagine how terrible all of the clones feel like all the regs over all knowing theyre the downfall of the jedi and thinking that they were trying to resist it too. Like they know whats happening and deep inside theyre themselves but they cant do shit about it. That fucking hurts me.  This is a longer post but this episode was a roller coaster for my emotions.

[sickassastrology]

Who’s crushin on ya!? 😏🥰😍 This is a general pick a pile reading for the collective and your person. It may not resonate for all, so just take what sticks. Feel free to pick just one pile or take a look at them all. but please....be honest with your story. remember that timing is fluid and free will is something we all have. This could have already happened, your going through it, or will happen. Follow your heart always. -E 🌻💙

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PILE 1 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

So pile 1 your person is STUCK on you. This is someone from your past crushin on you. They just cant seem to get you out of their head-its literally making them sick. It’s like they have tried everything to distract themselves. But at the end of the day they are just worried sick, and have to speak whats on their mind. I see two 8s here so that number could be important to you or the connection. This person will be reaching out to you. this person lost you. You walked away from them and continued on with your life. And now that you left them, they are in a state of grief that you aren’t with them anymore. Ohhhhh, I see why you did....they were low vibes, huh? Had additions and didn’t want to come out of them either. Just stuck to their ball and chain. You gave A LOT to this connection. so much so that you were getting drained. I’m seeing a heart monitor, so it was like you were pumping love to this person on life support. And they were taking it. And it helped them, but they didn’t give it back because they didn’t have it. So-you had to leave. im getting that you had NOTHING left. Like even if you tried or wanted to give or have more for this person. they sucked you dry. And this hurt you. I am getting a betrayal energy from this person. They are stalking you too. If you moved on, they are looking at the new person around too. i heard the song “what we could have been“ by H.E.R. I see a guy driving around in his car at night listening to music smoking. So this person is dead in their feelings about you. They are reminiscing a lot about you. Don’t move too fast pile 1 because they are coming back. This person has done some work on themselves while they have been away too. They have been listening to spirit more. You were a divine light to them. you were placed in this persons path to help them with their addictions, help them be a better person. But nope they wanted to stay in the low vibes. like I always say, “and empress will never stay where she isn’t wanted. She will leave-BUT she will always be wanted back. She will always be needed. And this person, pile 1 needs you. i just heard I can’t live without you. So look out because they are coming around the mountain. Good luck. 😉

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PILE 2 🧿🧿🧿

Hi pile 2. Right off....this person wants to come back to you. But right now is a bad time. This person had a third party in the past and because of it, you cut them off. I don’t get the sense that this was a super long relationship. More of the beginning stages of developing into one. But this person was playing the field still. And you were having none of it. Youve been through enough. So you told them like it was, and if they try to come back again. You’ll tell them....again!! 😂 because you stood your ground, they view you as somebody different. I get that this person is used to getting over on people. But not with you so when you turned them away and cut them off. It forced them to make decision. and now their other options, I’m getting multiple people involved. They are done with them now. They have chosen you, and they are looking to come back. But boy oh boy they do have a ways to get there. This person could be at distance from you. I’m getting across water or state so they may travel to get there to you. but they have got to come correct because you are not playing! I get the sense of your not coming off of your throne-you just won’t do it. This group is no nonsense I mean honestly. 😩 your ready. You know your worth, and you are worthy of something good. You will not settle, nooooo not this time. Because youve already been through this. your heart can’t be played with anymore. This person is sad without you. They thought the other options would be better than you. Like oh “ill just go in my back pocket and choose from these”. But none were like you, so because of that....they feel STUPID. they feel so dumb, so sad that when they do come back. they won’t be able to even get a word in because you won’t hear them out. The “others“ are still coming for your person. Talk to them, be with them. But your person is just like no, I dont Want to be bothered, I want my bae back. But hey.....you may or may not be there when they decide to come. like they call you and if you answer then okay but if not, oh well. 😂 this person regrets what they've done. So dumb, so silly. To think....the other options were going to fulfill them. But they were sadly mistaken. pity boy, pity gal. 🥲 this person had options out the buttttt. They were playa playa from the Himalayas. this Person tried to play you, get over on you. And you found out. And said no not me, you WILL NOT do this to me. And they never had anyone do that to them. pile 2 I’m seeing you already know what it feels like to be not considered in a high regard. and You won’t do it again! Like if they want the others...go BYE! and now this person is feeling like they sabotaged this with you. They were living their ego. Somebody who has multiple options like that needs their ego to be fed. Like if the main person they want doesn’t work out or something happens they have backups. They can just go to someone else. Now this person feels like they aren’t enough for YOU! They now lack confidence, they are the jealous ones. They self-sabotaged. So yeah this person will come back with time, but your address may have changed by that time. *I just want to say I’m very proud of this group. A lot of lessons and growth!* best of luck! 😁

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PILE 3 🌸🌸🌸

alrighty pile 3, welcome! So this read will be more intuitive. Ironically enough, this group pulled three cards. So let’s get into it!.....*moment of silence because the energy is rather intense here*. I heard the song “baby come back” by player. I’m feeling this group has moved on from their person tbh. Like it’s just too little, too late for this person. This was somebody you walked away from. There was A LOTTT of love here. but also secrets and fears in this connection. With this person, your energy is coming up as “how could you do this to me-ME. Not in an egotistical way, but because you trusted and loved this person. And they loved you too. So when they did whatever they did to hurt or betray you, it was like how could you. 😩 I’m feeling like you weren’t even mad about it, more disappointed than anything. So after, you started just doing your own thing. Not really concerned with anything or anyone else. Just working on yourself. A reinvention. I’m seeing healthy eating or changing the color of your hair. Wearing sexy clothes (just for yourself) everything you started to do was about self love. And just when you started to move on or found someone new.....HERE THEY COME. like oh wait for me! i gotta be honest with y’all. I don’t feel like this person really cheated on you. I’m getting that maybe you thought they were doing you wrong but they weren’t. or a really bad agruement took place and something was said or done that was very distasteful and you felt betrayed by it. But I’m not getting strong cheating energy. You really thought it was something and it wasn’t and this person tried to explain and it went from there. (Downhill that is) there is so much sadness here. You really though this was going to work out and it didn’t. There has been some time that has passed here. This person didn’t know how to come back. no idea on what to say or do about the situation. But they daydream about it 24/7. They think about being intimate again and how it was like with you (if y’all were). this person wants to play something romantic. I’m seeing a dinner with candles a few drinks. Trying to take it back to the good times. But it took too long for this person. and now this person sees you with someone new And they can’t help but wonder...what if I would have gotten back in time. What if things would have worked out? This person does want to come back without a doubt! But will they? I’m not too sure, because it looks like you have someone else now. *PLOT TWIST*!!!! Pile 3 let me ask you this, do you love this new person like your old flame? I think NOT. You like this new person and everything, but your heart is with the person you broke up with. The new person is diggin you and likes you a lot. But there’s something thats just not hittin the same anymore. And your old person didn’t forget about you either. *i pulled extra cards for this group because I’m really feeling like this just may come back together. I’m getting that vibe heavy. For the outcome. I don’t see y’all coming back together ASAP because theres a decision that needs to be made and you don’t want to choose .your just kinda there. This connection right here is a divine pair. With the lovers and emperor here. But there’s still work that needs to be done by both parties and a conclusion by you. So you will be separated until then. I’m telling y’all...if you choose this person. Do not be surprised if this person gives you a ring. This person may right music or be into the arts. They may give you a gift that comes from their heart. a song. I heard melody. they could play an instrument or that was something you two had In common. The thought you of keeps this person sane while you aren’t with them. The thought of being with you again keeps them together. Like when they a bad day or something. Because you aren’t there physically, them daydreaming keeps them motivated. Pile 3, intuitively I gotta say it. I know y’all gotta make a decision and everything but this is going to work out. Idk when because time is fluid but it’s going to come back together. I’m telling y’all

now. its Going to take patience but in time it will. This connection is strong, y’all love each other too much. This person loves you. And they want to restore this! Like I said, this new person...your not fooling me! Yeah you like them, but that heart of yours didnt go anywhere. I’m going to say for this pile, your going to have to make the first moves because they feel like your done with them. They feel like there’s nothing they can do or say to get you back. WOW, you all have to let me know how this plays out because it will work out! I almost want to cry. can I get an invite to the wedding with a +1 please!?

[ohsweetflips]

I think Undyne's determination has less to do with like something that happened in the past and more like the overlap between determination as an actual physical thing VS a spiritual thing. Whereas the amalgamates were injected with determination by Alphys, Undyne makes her OWN. You've killed her best friend. You're going to kill the love of her life. You're going to kill her mentor. You're going to kill everyone. You've killed HER. But she still has to stop you. Everyone is counting on her 1/2

Undyne's whole motif is letting the monsters of the Underground achieve their hopes and dreams. Theres a reason she is the boss fight in Waterfall, the most backstory rich area in the game. Hope and dreams have just as much weight as determination does, its what helps you defeat Asriel. And Undyne the Undying's design mimics Asriel's because in Genocide SHE is the heroine, SHE is the determined hero that defies death in order to save everyone she loves via the hopes and dreams of everyone (2/2)

Sorry I just really fucking love Undyne Undertale fhfhfndkdk she willingly letting herself be used in an experiment to help her people is Very Good tho too hmmmm

!!!!

sorry ur abt to get a whole essay i love undertale so much.........

(also i use a lot of !!! for emphasis, not bc i’m yelling omg)

(also i’m letting you know this is an incoherent mess, it is 2am here akjsdkjsdjk)

but you can definitely be right!!!! tbh your idea seems much more par for the course than the spaghetti im throwing at the wall

even then, though, it’s stll so interesting bc like!!!! undyne’s courage is undeniable, and her fight to protect the underground plays Such a huge role in her whole waterfall arc. and, in the spiritual sense, she is absolutely determined!! that just makes me WONDER though bc, like, canonically, monsters Are Not determined! they don’t have that threshold!

and then, in looking at determination in the spiritual sense, what exactly makes undyne different? is it that her desire to live and protect the underground unlocks that threshold needed for determination? at one point, could monsters be determined, but then their millennia trapped underground biologically/psychologically stripped them of that? so then could any monster in the underground, when facing high enough stakes, have that determination? or is it just undyne?

bc then i think about the other bosses in either route, like papyrus, mettaton, asgore, sans. where undyne is the monster/boss capable of possessing determination, sans is probably the one least likely to have any threshold for determination (this is bc his entire boss fight is him realizing he can no longer be an observer, he is literally the last line of defense between chara and the annihilation of all monsters). mettaton is complicated bc as a napstablook turned corporeal, i dont even know where to BEGIN with him. but then there’s papyrus and!! it feels like he should be capable of feeling determined. in both the pacifist and genocide route, he is so assured that the human has some internal goodness. while, in the genocide route, that hope could be translated to fear, that still makes me wonder: under what circumstances could a monster’s determination be unlocked? is it not solely life or death? does it require some ulterior motives (aka undyne’s whole character being protecting the underground)? and like!!! it’s just so fun to think about bc, say it is undyne’s spiritual determination being unlocked, it’s so interesting that she’s the one differentiated!! that even papyrus, a character brimming with good and happiness and love, doesn’t have that determination, but undyne, who has a similar type of passion and goodness within her, does!!!

with experiment undyne, i will admit my theory is very much uhh wild! and unhinged! and, while my theory is much more playing in the “what if’s” of the science of artificial determination, it still makes me wonder! especially in the boss fight herself. ever since i first saw her genocide boss fight, i’ve always been a bit fixated on her eye, specifically the one w/ the eye-patch that eventually seems to have Some type of arrow power. while this definitely could have just been A Design Choice (and one i stand by!!), undertale is a game that reveals its complete lore when the pacifist and genocide route are put together. thus, in a hypothetical situation, i don’t think it would be out of the question that undyne’s eye could still Do that even in a pacifist route.

but even then, there are holes to poke! such as why doesn’t she use it? if undyne has been injected with artificial determination, why is she, frankly, normal until it’s a matter of life and death?

(to cut to the punchline before i get into my bullshit: i think it’s bc, at first, it seemed as if the artificial determination just Didn’t Work and had no affect, when in reality it needed to be met with spiritual determination as well)

and, again, i know i’m playing with a lot of hypotheticals right now, and mostly this is me just kinda fun bullshit theorizing, but i think it could have something to do with the fact that she has the threshold for spiritual determination! the reason i even think that she would offer herself up to determination experimentation is bc of the loyalty and love she has for asgore and the underground. i would argue that she is just as invested in asgore’s plan as asgore himself is, and she obviously sees him as some type of father-figure. so that alone gives her this Drive to do whatever it takes for the underground to survive.

so, therefore, i think in regards to this hypothetical experiment undyne, i think it quite literally is that spiritual determination threshold combined with artificial determination

and for that, i quickly want to talk abt the amalgamates and why they tie into this:

the timeline: corpses/souls injected with determination --> no reaction --> corpses wake up and act normal --> ??? happens  --> (quickly leads to) amalgamates

and so then that once again raises the question: what differentiates undyne? 

i think, for that, we then have to consider another question: if most monsters do not have the physical determination to continue living after death, can that determination be given when they’re already dead? monsters in general already have no threshold for determination, so can that be artificially made if it never existed in the first place? 

bc while alphys’s experiment, iirc, was to see what happened when a soul was injected with determination, i think the other much needed question is if monster souls could even Handle determination

and, while we do not know specifically what went wrong with the amalgamates (aka like How did they melt together), we do know that their physical forms really were not able to handle the artificial determination, imo most likely bc they do not even have a threshold for spiritual determination

but undyne is, as you have noted, different!

so, frankly, i think you’re right! i think undyne does have an inherent spiritual determination. it’s uncommon in monsters, but her want to save the world is enough to leave her determined

however, i think That would have just been enough to keep her alive

i think it’s artificial determination that gave her that final form! to reference  back to the amalgamates, they were all creatures whose powers we had seen before, but different now and, specifically, more powerful. that very same thing could be said for undyne! her powers are, essentially, things we have seen before, but fucking to Max Intensity 

AND THEN!! AND THEN!!!!!

when you do kill heroine undyne, she doesn’t turn to dust first

she melts first, and then turns to dust!!!!!

and, honestly, it’s that small detail that sent me down this rabbit hole, bc the only ever time we’ve seen monsters melted together are the amalgamates!

i think the main difference between heroine undyne and the amalgamates is the fact that undyne, at first, had No Reaction to the determination at first bc, since she most likely already had this secret threshold for spiritual determination, it wasn’t the Biggest of changes. it wouldn’t have had such a drastic reaction on her physical form bc, even if she didn’t know it yet, it wasn’t an entirely foreign substance

the amalgamates, however, aka monsters who had no spiritual determination, could only handle the artificial determination for an unknown amount of time before their bodies began rejecting the chemicals and becoming..... that

of course, then, this leaves me with even more questions, such as could undyne sustain this final form? would her body eventually give out, overcome by determination? was this form only meant for life or death situations?

and uhhh i think this is the end!! if you made it this far and are thinking to urself “damn you’re really an english major when you write like this?? this isn’t even comprehensible” do not fret!! i know this theory is kinda a shitshow, and it’s one of those things where i can keep myself up all night thinking abt this and talking myself in circles bc there are some points that i think have strengths and other points that are probably pretty weak

basically though!! i see the connection between artificial determination and undyne through the fact that her form actually changes, the reveal of her legit power eye, the way her attacks have been altered, and the fact that she melts at the end (akin to the amalgamates’ appearances) before poofing into dust

this has been,,,, a shitshow i am so sorry i hope this was at least somewhat understandable ajkdsjkdsjk

[icharchivist]

hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now