#im visiting him everyday because i dont want to miss a day with him

[tearfest]

an update again

[hrtsdollie]

THE LETTER - M. STURNIOLO (matthew sturniolo x reader)

pt1

warnings; no use of y/n , none this is simply a letter from a grieving girl to her boyfriend who has passed , it’s super short though!

major warning; this is a super rough topic to write about, if you don’t like the idea of reading something where matt passes, then please do not continue reading. this is purely fiction, and in no way, shape, or form am i trying to spread misinformation and claim that matt is seriously dead. this is just a thought i had (about readers grieving process and sort of the reaction). if you don’t like it, don’t read it. if i receive hate from this, anons and comments will be turned off. - xoxo emmy.

dear matthew, 

the weeks following your death were worse than anything. media was awful. and normally when people got under my skin like this, you would help me. but now.. its the posts about you that were bothering me. you really can’t help me now. i never realized how insensitive this fanbase was. some comments and memorial videos are sweet, most are not. i miss you matt. i lay in your bed and i cry. i cry? is this what you would’ve wanted for me matty? to spend my days crying? i dont care, i miss you.

wails can be heard all throughout the our house. we’ve left boston. nick and chris and me. not you. i want to move down there. i want to visit you whenever i would like to. but your mom says you’ll always be with me. chris stays in nick’s room. his cover has been broken down and he’s starting the grieving process. im proud of him. i know nick  feels it too, but chris needs him.

our friends have all come to visit us. the fridge is stocked with casseroles and drinks that we probably won’t ever get to. nearly every surface is covered with flowers. your friends loved you more than anything. everyone did. but nobody is grieving like nick and chris and me. that’s all it is now. just nick and chris and me. the flowers and the food are too much. 

it’s almost like the house is aware of your absence. our bathroom flooded, chris nearly burned the kitchen down by using the toaster, and it’s like the ninth time i have slipped walking up the stairs. my sweet boy is gone, and all shit is hitting the fan. come back to me, matty. i love you.

your silk sheets still smell like you, along with every hoodie. your pink hershey shirt is worn by the pink bunny you had bought me for valentines day. i have all of the bunny stuffed animals gifted to me by you just sitting in your room. i miss when i was your bunny. i miss the feeling i got in my stomach the first time you called me that. i would do anything to hear it come from your mouth just once more. 

i feel guilty, like maybe it should’ve been me in the car. but your brothers have told me several times it wasn’t my fault. i can’t keep myself from holding some resentment towards nick and chris. what if it’d been them? i know that isn’t any better, but seeing them everyday hurts me so bad. it’s as if the ghost of you, my highschool sweetheart, simply floats through the halls, but it’s only your brothers. chris shaved his beard, he’d let it grow out after you died. he looks less like you do — well, did now. it hurts a little less, but it’ll never not hurt to see them, or at least that’s what marylou told me. 

i call marylou everyday. it’s nice to hear her voice. she’s hanging on and trying to work through this, at least from what i can tell. i think i’ve sent you too many voicemails these past few weeks because your inbox is full. maybe i wasn’t the only one who simply wanted to talk again. i feel bad sending you messages everyday. so that’s why im writing this for you. you deserve to have an update, you always were nosy. and so so sassy. i miss your “mattitude”. if you were here i would let you be sassy, and make stank faces at me all you want.

i hope all the pain you ever felt is gone now matty. and i hope this letter finds you well. i will continue to write this until i see you again. someday. not now, and not soon. but someday. 

love, bunny ᡣ𐭩 

divs by @/anitalenia

open to possibly writing pt3 on this one because i have an idea but that would be the last part! feedback is so heavily encouraged (be kind, i am just a girl 😓).

tags: @lypsiiii

[fuxuannie]

↳ pairing(s) : various hsr men x gender neutral reader

↳ synopsis : "I know that I'd be lying if I didn't want you here" - LDR by Shoti ♡ (stream btw)

↳ authors note : ITS MY BIRTHDAYY WOOHOOOOOO i cant pull an i'm 14 card anymore <\3 (ill keep doing it with 15) i dont know why i chose this specific prompt as a birthday post but um.. yipee?

☆☆ YOU'RE ALWAYS ON MY MIND, THATS HOW MUCH I CARE

DAN HENG sighs as he lays in bed, his arm covering his eyes as his mind is clouded with thoughts of only one person. He lifts his right arm up slightly to check his phone in his other hand, a photo of you and him as the lock screen while a soft smile appears onto his features.

Whenever he missed you, which was often, he found himself listening to various of your voice notes and scrolling through the hundreds of photos you two would take together in the rare occasions that he'd visit the Space Station. "Let's make as many memories as possible, okay?" He remembers you always saying, holding his hand and giving him that oh so adorable smile he can't help but adore.

☆☆ I CANT THINK OF A TIME THAT YOU WEREN'T THERE

Ever since you left, JING YUAN's longing for your presence worsened everyday, the ache in his heart as he no longer woke up to see you during his morning stroll would bring his mood down tremendously. You were apart of his every day life, during his mornings, during his afternoons and if he was lucky enough you'd be there at night too. So his minds gone mad wondering for your safety and the day you'd return, if that would ever happen.

He has so much to say and to do, but as you told him, he'll wait for the right time. When you and him are ready, ready to call you his and him as yours.

☆☆ I KNOW THAT I'D BE LYING IF I DIDN'T WANT YOU HERE

GEPARD handled the distance between you a little.. differently, to say the least. Lying to himself that he didn't miss you wasn't exactly working the way he wanted it to. "I dont miss them." He says, as he buys your favorite drink to get that feeling of you being around. "I don't miss them." He'll say, holding onto your jacket at night as it still somehow smelled like you. So many things he'd do conciously or subconciously just because he couldn't handle a life without you.

☆☆ CAUSE BABY, IM INLOVE AND WHY CANT YOU JUST LIVE NEAR?

CAELUS smiles as he sees your excitement over the phone, the 3 hour mark on your videocall just passed and you were talking about the latest discovery you made on your research. "Don't you miss it?" He'll ask, watching your expression change to a bit of confusion as you blinked. "Miss what?"

"Y'know, being with me?"

He sees how you chuckle in disbelief and shake your head, "Of course I do." you answered softly. "But.. I can see you love what you do, right? I want you to be happy. And I can settle for this."

There's an ache to his heart, he dramatically clutched his chest and groaned. Earning a giggle from you on the other end, and that ache disappears at the mere sound of your laughter. "But.. I love you too, shouldn't that mean you should be right here in my arms?"

You playfully scoff. "Corny."

[heartsforjngwn]

— in another life. ksn

SYPNOSIS: kim sunoo, your childhood bestfriend and notably your first love. been with you in every ups and downs including the tragic car accident that lead to your parents' death and your hospitalization. while things were at their worst, he was always with you, striving to have a smile appear on your face.

PAIRING: caring!sunoo × hospitalized!reader (fem)

WORD COUNT: 641

GENRE/TROPES: angst!! best friends to lovers (tho they dont have a back story on that i think)

WARNINGS: su!c!d3 (tho not shown), main character d3@th

NOTE: first fic!! sorry if there are grammatical or spelling errors :^) lowercase is intentional. hope you like this fic!! do reblog and like 🫶

staring at the window, out to the world you last experienced long before. it was another day in the hospital, laying on a bed with i.v. tubes on your arm. reminiscing the happy times you spent with your then-alive parents lead to you shedding a tear. you definitely missed them. a lot.

the sound of the door opening together with an uttered greeting from your boyfriend got your attention as he sat down on the chair beside your bed.

“brought you flowers and ice cream!” in an attempt to cheer you up, he opened a tube of cookies and cream ice cream for you and a tube of mint chocolate for him. “you didn’t have to do all this..” you spoke as you held the bouquet of colorful tulips. “but i want to. now say ah! the airplane is coming~” you laughed as he did an airplane motion with a spoon of ice cream.

“sunoo..” his attention was brought to you as you stared into those eyes that makes you happy every minute you fall deep into them. those dazzling eyes that captures you and gives you the comfort you always needed.

“don’t you think i would never make it out of here?” you asked, intrusive thoughts taking over you.

“you will make it out of here, don’t you dare say you never would! that’s such negative energy y/n!” he huffed. “but its been months since that incident happened, im not even getting better sunoo..”

“y/n, you will get better! the doctors will do their best to make sure you will.”

“but aren’t you tired, sunoo? its been 3 months and everyday without a fail you always visit me with food, flowers, and gifts. i don’t want you wasting that much time on me anymore sun.”

“hey, im doing this not only because you are my best friend. but also because you are my first love. y/n, with all those years i spent with you, i will never forgive myself if i let you suffer all of this pain without me by your side. we are together forever, i promised you that.” he said as he held my hand and caressed it, reassuring me that everything will soon turn out to be okay.

— your's

its been three months and im tired. but he never isnt. he never fails to put a smile on my face because he lights up my world. he takes care of me every single day. he's always with me through think and thin. i love him so much.

— sunoo's

"we found a note on the table. i believe this is for you, mr. kim" the nurse handed me a folded piece of paper. my y/n, why must you do this..

TO: the love of my life

hey sunshine!! im sorry for leaving you so sudden like this.. im tired, my love. i dont want to keep burdening you either by taking care of me even when we know i wont get any better. dont be sad too much! im probably with my parents right about now so im happy here. ill miss you :((( do find someone else to love! make sure you love them as much as you loved me. promise me you'll find your happiness without me there, alright? love you lots for the last time <3

FROM: your one and only, y/n

i cant fulfill that promise, my love.

but i promise you that in another life, i will most definitely make you stay. and in another life, i will be your only for the rest of it. in that life, ill love you harder and take care of you more than i ever did. ill fullfil this promise even if it takes so long. ill fullfil this promise in another life, so you wont have to go away.

mi corazon es tuyo, forever.

© heartsforjngwn — 2023

[pinkadork]

I hate that im still crying about this. I feel like im constantly failing. I've felt like it off and on for the longest, but with the way things ended and where it feels like they'll stay, idk man, its kinda hard to not feel like everything ever is your fault, that you deserve every bad thing that has ever happened to you or ever will happen, because you're a piece of shit that broke the heart of the on mf on this planet that supported you through the worst of shit. The one person that always had your back, you belittled, blew up at, and then made them feel threatened. I fucking want nothing more than to throw myself in a river. I guess thats a lie i do wsnt things more than that, i want him to be happy, i wanna be happy (even if again i dont think i deserve to be atm), i wish we could be happy together, i wish we did the long distance again, more sanely this time. Maybe i could get a place here and he could visit. Maybe i could visit him. I want to so badly and know i can't. Even more pissed that in a month or so id feasible just be able to do so but still not able to do so.

I don't need him in my life even if it feels that way, i want him in my life. I get it doesnt matter what i want alone and thats fine, i just miss him everyday. It gets easier to move around and do stuff or eat yeah, but i dont miss him less and less every day, i miss him more, the hole in chest gets bigger, and then especially the moments i am completely by myself, that shit fucks the worse. I gotta stop typing a nigga fucking wants to die

[snowblossomreads]

Me constantly thinking about how cute and domestic Severus would be with his S/O after leaving Hogwarts😩🥺 (because there was no way he was gonna stay after suffering for years there)

Like living in a little brick cottage 🏠that had a cute chimney and flowers covering the wall (S/O's idea not his but it made them happy and he is soff for them) far far away from Hogwarts and of course having a little green house for him to work in and somewhere to do potions work or any research he wanted to do🥺

Waking up in the mornings to find his S/O just buried into him or sometimes waking up to find them cradling him protectively 🥲🥲

He had to hide his tears that morning because it just made him feel safe when he realized that he was truly free to live

And also all the rest he would be getting because no dunderheads blowing shit up, no Voldy Moldy and Dumbledore giving him wack tasks, and no Harry Potter who he still for the life of him can't believe didn't get murdered his first year after all the shit that happened 😒

He also finds out he snores when he is in a deep sleep bc his S/O tells him when he has waken up in the middle of the day warm, and confused about where he is at for a second

"Why didnt you wake me up it's bloody 1 in the afternoon" 😤 "Bc you were sleeping so well darling and looked peaceful you deserve some rest 🥺"

And he is like your right how dare I get angry at you for this and showers them in kisses

And dont forget his S/O who he just adores and they dote on him everyday 🥺🥰

Like "Sev I got you some tea I know you've been trying to slow down on the coffee" or "Sev I saw you were running out of fertilizer so I made you some more from what ingredients you had left"

And then 🥺 they alternate between cooking for each other but one day S/O is like" i know it's your day but I found this recipe you might like i really wanted to make it for you I hope you don't mind "👉👈

Of course he doesnt mind he'll eat that shit up no apologies are necessary like you're doting on him and caring for him it's everything he wants and needs

And and and he gets cuddles and kisses every day, (and don't forget the numerous blowjobs throughout the week bc S/O is thirsty for him😘🥴) and he doesnt have to hide his love for his S/O because Voldy is gone and they are safe🥺😭😭🥺

Also also he becomes super soft especially for S/O so whenever S/O has to go away for work or like if they are a professor and are gone often during the school year he gets a little sad 😞 he doesnt admit it though

But it's okay !! Because S/O constantly sends him owls and Floo him a lot and they make sure to visit him in the middle of the week and the weekends if they can bc they also miss him 🥺 and want cuddles

Sometimes he even rents a room at one of the Inns in Hogsmeade village for a week (he isnt stepping foot in that school again unless some sort of catastrophe happens and still he would have to think on it) and S/O comes to stay with him and teases him a little

"Can't resist me can you Severus?"

Spoilers he cant he loves the mess out of his S/O and they love him just as much

He's like 😤 but they are like 🤭😊🥰 and then he is like 😒 bc he is still a grumpy man at heart but on the inside he is really like🫣🥰🥰

And then he proposes to them the next morning bc he doesn't want anyone else but them and now they are both crying bc how did they land such a wonderful partner

Ill stop now im making myself cry, i want to cuddle this man and make him happy bc he deserves it😭

[hotch-stufff]

Surprise, Surprise

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x F!reader

Warnings!: there are no warnings, im not telling you a single thing. It's a surprise. Just read and find out ;)

Also, as much as I love him, Jack does not exist in this story, wasn't really sure how to write him in.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry that I haven't written in a while, I have had no inspiration and my bf dumped me so... ya'know that was nice. Anyways, finally getting some inspo, hopefully I will be writing more. Hope you guys enjoy this one :) Also, the mood board is mine, but the images are all from pintrest.

Word count: 1.4 k words

This is an emotional roller coaster

------------

You couldn't breathe.

You couldn't move, or speak.

Your knees gave out as you fell to the floor, sobs racking your body.

You felt arms wrap around you, but it didn't help. You were suffocating. He was your air, and he had just been ripped from your lungs. 

He was gone, dead.

Your husband.

The love of your life.

Aaron Hotchner was dead

* * *

You don't remember anything after the doctor uttered those words. You don't remember Rossi picking you up and holding you. You don't remember the sad glances, the tears shed by your teammates. You don't remember the car ride to your now empty shared apartment. You don't remember lying down and sobbing into the pillow for hours.

No, you only remember the pain. The unbearable pain of loss.

He was gone. Really gone.

You cried and cried for hours on end. Until you had no tears left to shed. 

Then you just lied there, staring at the wall, gripping his favorite shirt in your arms, remembering every little moment with him.

And it hurt like hell just thinking of everything you did with him. The day you met. Your first kiss, your first date. The day he proposed. Your wedding. Every little thing. 

And you wouldn't be able to do anything else. You wouldn't have kids with him. You guys had just talked about having a baby just the other day. He wanted one so bad. 

You shouldn't have waited.

Because now, now he was gone.

* * *

The next few days were a blur. You found yourself with home-cooked meals overflowing your fridge. A team member at your house every night. But it was all a blur.

All meaningless without Aaron.

The funeral was coming up. You didn't make any arrangements, you asked Rossi if he could handle it and he quickly agreed. 

He had taken care of finding the casket, picking a place, and finding a burial site. Everything. 

The only thing you had asked for was a closed casket.

You couldn't handle looking at him.

* * *

On the day of the funeral, the girls all came over to help you get ready. 

"Alright y/n, do you have a dress?" Penny asked as she walked out of kitchen.

"In the closet." You croaked. Your voice being hoarse from the crying and lack of speaking for the past two weeks.

"Okay I'll grab that, and shoes. Jj is going to make you breakfast and Em is going to do your hair okay?" You gave her a sad smile and a small okay.

Penny quickly walked back your hallway as Em began pulling your hair back in a low ponytail. You felt the tears begin slipping down your face once again.

Jj saw as she walked back in the room with a bagel and coffee.

"Oh sweetheart." And the dam broke. They comforted you the best they could. But they couldn't even imagine what you were going through, because he was gone.

* * *

The funeral was a blur. It seemed like everything was these days. 

It was a beautiful service. You don't remember much. Lots of hugs and 'sorry for your loss's.

It had gone quickly, and soon you found yourself in Rossi's living room. Everyone but the team had left, you sat alone. The rest were in the kitchen cleaning up.

You didn't move from your spot, sipping your wine.

Everyone walked in, and found spots around you.

It was silent. Not a single word was spoken.

"I'm taking a leave of absence." You spoke.

6 pairs of eyes shot to you, but they couldn't say they were surprised.

"It's just too much. I'm not ready to come back." Your voice was quiet. Rossi was the first to say anything.

"Take all the time you need." 

* * *

And you did. You spent about 3 months in that apartment, alone and sad and heartbroken. 

But you realized that Aaron would never want you to live like this. And you really needed to be able to pay the bills.

So after those 3 months, you gave Rossi a call. He had become until chief since you had left, and he instantly accepted you back to the team.

You were slowly getting better. 

Each passing case a distraction. 

Each one fixing you just a bit more. 

Each one giving your life a purpose, a meaning again.

And you felt better. You stopped crying yourself to sleep. You stopped sitting in silence for hours on end. You stopped crying every time you thought about him.

But you still visited him every week. You still thought about him everyday. You still wore your wedding rings, refusing to take them off.

But you were better. 

* * *

A few more months went by and you started going out with the team again. You spent more time with them. Almost every weekend. And you were somewhat okay.

And it wasn't until about 8 months after his death did your world come to another crashing halt.

You had been called in to the BAU, not entirely sure why, but you came in none the less. 

You figured it was a case, but Jj hadn't specified on the phone, which was strange.

You had walked up to the conference room, and were surprised to see the whole team sitting there ready to go. 

"Hey guys, do we have a case?" You asked, but Jj sent you a sad look causing you to grow worried.

"Y/n, you should sit down for this." You had no idea what was going on. What on earth was happening. "Peter Raymond recently resurfaced, and was taken into custody this morning about an hour ago. He resisted arrest and pulled a gun on an officer. He was shot and killed." Your heart hammered in your chest. He was gone. The bastard who killed your husband was gone. Rossi stood walking towards Jj.

A pit grew in your stomach, there was more, something you didn't know.

"8 months ago I made a decision that greatly affected this team. Aaron Hotchner received substantial injuries from the wounds he endured, but his surgery was a success and he was airlifted to an unknown location. His identity was changed in order to keep him safe. But he is alive." 

You couldn't believe your ears. He was alive. Alive? 

Your eyes shot to the door and there he stood. 

Aaron Hotchner. 

You couldn't breathe. 

You couldn't move or speak. 

He was alive, you should be ecstatic.

But you only felt anger.

Your eyes shot to Rossi.

"How dare you." You whispered out, surprising the team. You weren't an angry person, you never yelled at your teammates. But you, you were seething. "How could you do that. You knew he was alive and yet you let me suffer. You watched as I cried day and night. You watched as I let myself go, as I lost myself." You shook your head in anger.

Aaron stepped forward reaching out for you, but you shook your head.

"Dont touch me. Don't fucking touch me." You felt the tears fall down your face. Again. "You left me. You're dead. You're gone. Y-you left." You were shaking and crying and once again Aaron reached out for you, but this time you let him.

He brought you into a crushing hug, holding you like you had begged to be held for months. 

He was here, really here. You could smell and feel and see him. He was really here.

"Y-you bastard. You left me." You whispered desperately as you cried into his shirt. 

The team was quick to disperse. They too were mad at Rossi, and they wanted to reunite with Hotch. But they left you be, at least for now.

Aaron pulled back slightly, looking down at you.

"Sweetheart I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to. But he would have killed you and then he would have killed me." He had tears running down his face as well now. But you were so angry at him.

You pushed him away.

"I could have gone with you Aaron. You could have gone into witsec. You didn't need to fake your fucking death Aaron!" You yelled at him. you couldn't even believe you were eating this conversation.

"Y/n please, I'm so sorry." You were mad yeah, but you were so overwhelmingly relieved that it overpowered your anger. "I missed you sweetheart." He whispered out and you broke just a little bit more.

"You bastard. Y-you stupid man." You pulled him back to you and slammed your lips together. "You stupid, stupid man." You gasped out between kisses. 

"I know, I'm so sorry. I love you." He stated after you pulled away.

"I-I love you too." You were sobbing at this point.. "Don't ever do that to me again." He nodded, leaning in to kiss you again.

And you kissed your husband.

Because he wasn't gone. 

He was right here.

And god did it feel amazing to have him back

------------

Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! Currently I'm only taking requests from my prompt list, which is right here! School is starting up soon though, so i may not be writing very often, but i will definitely try! Anyways, if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[sailorhyunjinz]

Do you write yandere? If so, can I request skz yandere headcanons on how they would react when S/O rejects them because she doesn't wanna deal with whole drama that would come with dating an idol?

i mean kinda?? i have a seungmin yandere fic in my drafts sooo BUT YEAH

oh also, requests are not open but im just gonna do this one cause headcanons are kinda fun BUT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED <33

also why is the felix one so short-

Warnings; yandere!skz, rejection, k-dnapping, slight gaslightning or like manipulation, restraints, threats, aggression, mentions of masturbation, stockholm syndrome

Chan

nobody rejects him. nobody.

you two were friends from school and you were sooo happy when chan made it as an idol, finally persuing the dream he had been yapping on about for years. 

but in the midst of that he realized that he had feelings for you, he missed you all the time, just wanting to hang out with you and maybe explore the things he had on his mind. so,, he decided to confess when you guys were at a cafe.

“look y/n,,, there’s something I wanna tell you” he started to which you tilted your head

“nooo,,, are you guys going on a tour again,,, i wil miss you sooo much channie” you said with a pout but the boy shook his head.

“i like you y/n” 

your mouth stood agape, this was not what you expected and truthfully,,, not what you wanted. 

“chan,,, y-you know thats not possible” you said with a frown, looking at him straight ahead.

“of course it is,,, why wouldn’t it be? w-what are you trying to say y/n?!” his voice started growing louder, you looking around in order to see that people werent turning their heads towards your table. 

Minho

you have made a big big mistake my friend- 

wont even hesitate to keep you hostage in his basement LIKE IM NOT JOKING-

might just tie you up and like,,, not even do anything to you, just talk to you and admire you, maybe tracing your facial features and cuddle closer on the cold floor

just wants to keep you as a pet or smth and you are scared out of your mind cause you cant move cause of the restraints, you cant speak because you have silvertape across your lips that he only removes to feed you but if you start screaming you wont get any so you deicde to just stay calm and quiet before someone saves you and play along. 

i mean you do,,, kinda fall for him but you know you cant,, but you cant help but to fall for him and miss him whenever he’s out on schedule things

he always returns to you and you get so happy when you see the little crevice of light from outside when he opened the basement door

whenever he lies next to you, you put your head against his shoulder and take in his scent the best you can

he told you everyday that he would let you go if you agreed to date him but you shook your head,, maybe cause you liked being his prey. 

Changbin

he’s more of the threatening type of yandere,,, like,, not that he’s violent but if you try to block his number he will create new ones and keep on sending you messages about how you have betrayed him and how he wished that you loved him back and all that,,,,

you guys often meet because you go to the same college and are students in the same department sooo,,,, avoiding him is pretty impossible 

he stares a lot at you,,, you guys have a couple of classes together and he just stares the entire time, his eyes are just filled with revenge, he somehow wants you make you his, own you but he doesnt know how yet, for now he can just look.

watch this fucking message conversation just be this;

[why did you talk to him during class?]

[you could have just asked me]

[nobody loves you like i do. no one y/n]

you are never getting rid of him basically,,

he’s gonna get to you first ;))

Hyunjin

i feel like he goes more to the stalking route than the kidnapping and drugging and whatnot- 

ok,,, you rejected him,,, but that doesnt mean you’re getting rid of him.

ohmygod what if he turns into a peeping tom- cause he obviously knows where you live. 

like yall were not even that close?? he just saw you backstage at one of the concerts and thought you looked good so he decided to go up to, you werent an idol so no problem he thought.

but he gets a bit too,, hasty with his decisions and often falls for people randomly and so when he politely greeted you and gave you his number you simply shook your head, explaining that this wouldn’t be possible since you worked in the same industry and you needed to stay clear out of any scandals in order to keep your job. 

no was not answer in Hyunjins mind. 

luckily he managed to catch your full name by flickering through some papers in an office and also saw your full adress there, knowing exactly what he was going to do on his free time. 

Jisung

if im being completely honest,,, i have no idea-

like,,, he gives me kinda pervy yandere vibes,,,

what if youre like his ex before he became an idol and now he wants to get back together with you-

oh,,, he masturbates to your pictures-

i feel like he always thinks about you, wondering what you like and wants to write songs about you but he doesnt do much-

but when he finds out that you have been hired by the same company as him to work as a like,,, economics accountant thingy he is all of a sudden vEEERY interested-

always asking the manager of when the group will have meetings with the accounting team,,, although they had nothing to do with them-

he just wanted to be in a conference room with you (and think pervy things about you in your tight office skirt and white blouse)

you went to the toilet on day and you saw him lurking around the same floor,,, WHICH ONCE AGAIN WAS NOT CONNECTED TO THE GROUP AT ALL- 

and idk,,, probably sneaks in with you and locks the door before you even react that theres someone else in the toilet- 

i feel like he’s pretty mild,,, but when he’s alone with you he is aggressive broooo

probably pins you to the wall and threatens you or smth along those lines,,,,,

(writing this is what my life has become to-)

Felix

“what do you think you’re doing?”

you turn around again, you had just thought of just leaving with a vague answer to his question but he was not having it. 

“answer.” 

his words sounded cold, his dark voice making an entrace, the exact one you’ve heard on many of the songs you listened to.

“felix,,, you have to understand,,, u-um,, if we date theres gonna be some issues” you said but he just stared at you with cocky eyebrows and a dark gaze, running his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

“do you think i care? would i ask you if i cared?” he said to which you shook your head automatically, what more could you do?

“you get until tomorrow to think and if i don’t get the answer i want well,,, we’ll see what i’ll do to you.”

Seungmin

he plots shit behind your back yk?

he’s more of the sneaky type of yanderes (oop spoiler to a fic heh)

like he makes this like fucking year long plan where the objective of the mission is to make you obssessed with him-

he starts kinda subtely,,, first its going to the same gym as you and like,,, knowing where you placed your stuff

and then he starts putting small notes like under your waterbottle when you went to grab something that say like “i think youre cute, call me” and then his number

you obviously dont react,,, because why the fuck would you contact a stranger at the gym 

BUT THEN you realize that its him, its mf kim seungmin. yo,,,, u didnt know he went to this gym,,, that was not,,, the best-

of course you got a bit interested,,, you wanted to know how he was off camera,,, like just in his everyday life and i meeean,,, he was attractive but obviously you should stay away bc,,, he’s a celebrity but seungmin didnt want to stay away

he notes somehow started to get more aggressive,,, suddenly being like “why are you ignoring me?” and such,,,

and one night you were left alone in the gym with him,,, it was sooo quiet, only the sounds of your strained breaths as you lifted a dumbell

here where the plan came to play ;))

Jeongin

he’s obsessed with you and you are not going anywhere, even if you rejected him. 

he’s more clingy?? LIKE HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU

ok sure,, he falls more into the stalking category too,,, 

also veeeery much a obssessed kinda yandere,,, like his mind is not thinking about how to like capture you,,, more about how to make you soooo comfortable and fool you into loving him despite the circumstances?

i just imagine that you work in a cafe and jeongin often meets you there when he buys coffee and you are already in awe when you see fucking yang jeongin enter the coffee shop on your shift but you were even more excited when he leaves his phone number on a napkin and slides it over the counter before leaving. 

you thought about it,,, contemplating multiple times but,,, you decided it would be best not to since well,,, safety purposes 

but he would visit you and every day his face got more and more perplexed cause he wondered why you didnt call

mf would not leave you alone, he would even wait outside the coffee shop until you finished your shift and walk you home,,, so now he knew where you lived- 

and then do the same thing over and over again until you talked to him.

does. not. give. up. 

[catboy-lover-archive]

Obey Me Romanian MC

idea inspired by @/harunayuuka2060 (too shy to tag them)

Nu ştiu ce inspirație supraomenească m-a lovit dar am început asta la 2 dimineața și am terminat-o la 6.30

Im sleep deprived bc I stayed up all night doing this, enjoy gagicile mele

[added translations]

(under the cut bc this bitch is long af)

Lucifer: Are you not enjoying your meal?

MC: This food isn't even good. Next time I'm bringing my bunica to make you guys sarmale best thing you ever tried 👩‍🍳👌😘 mwah

-

MC: I'm not gonna go out with Satan, Beel, Asmo or Belphie.

Asmo: Awww

Beel: :(

Belphie: What?!

Satan: Why?

MC: Why date a guy who's favorite color is not in romanian flag? 🤔🇷🇴

-

Asmo: But I thought you could-

MC: For the last time IM NOT A VAMPIRE I CAN'T HYPNOTIZE PEOPLE OR MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

-

Levi: Ohhh!!!! So are you like familiar with Castlevania-

MC: We don't talk about that *cries in disappointed*

-

Solomon: What is this weird potion.

MC: *puts bottle of țuică (plum brandy) on the table*

MC: This is not a potion, but a solution to all of your problems gagica 💖

-

MC: *talking to Lucifer* Oh iubire (love), stop crying over Diavolo again. Why cry over guy who would wear vagabond everyday in my country?

MC: Tsch tsch tsch

Lucifer: What the fuck is Vagabond

MC: Only the worst of streetwear existent. Only f-boys use it

Lucifer: Fair enough

-

Beel: Why do you want to try out for the sports team?

MC: Because Steaua, my country's team, disappointed me 😔

-

MC: Mammon! Asmo! Let me show you guys a thing called ✨manele✨

-

(after the Belphie incident)

MC: Does anybody have a belt.... a belt so I can...no reason...papuci de casă (slippers) works too

-

MC: Hey Belphie! Did you enjoy your punishment? 😜

Belphie: My butt still hurts...

MC: Next time it's the lingură de lemn ♡ (wooden spoon)

-

*MC dancing to Braşoveanca*

Mammon: W-what's that???

Satan: Some sort of ritual I suppose

Asmo: *joining in* It's fun!

MC: Doi✌paşi🦵înainte➡️şi😱doi😩înapoi⬅️ (two steps forward two steps back)

-

MC: Who has summoned me?

Satan: Belphie isn't feeling well and the medicine didn't really do it's job.

MC: Everyone watch closely because I'm going to teach you guys a sacred ritual called ✨Frecție cu Oțet✨

Satan: You're just pouring vinegar on his wrist.

MC: Now here comes the fun part. *maggages his wrists*

Belphie: Someone please kill me this is unbearable

MC: Am I allowed to say Tatăl Nostru (Lord's prayer) or is that too....uhhh weird since yall are demons and stuff-

-

Barbatos: MC...

MC: I'm sorry but crossing myself after I finish a meal is implemented in my brain. It's in the default settings.

Barbatos: What happens if you don't cross yourself?

MC: Lingura de lemn (wooden spoon) *shivers*

-

Diavolo: Do you like my castle?

MC: Baby, Peleş puts you to shame.

MC: Also, too much current (swift). Close the damn windows

-

Lucifer, giving up on life: Oh not again...

MC: DA PĂ CIMPOI DA PĂ CIMPOI JOACĂ FETELE LA NOI 👉👈😳

MC: Real music here 😌

-

MC: There, there gacica (girlfriend). Don't cry. *pats him on the back*

Lucifer: Do you got any more țuică...

MC: That's the spirit!

-

MC: I know I technically didn't die, but can we please have a funeral??? There is this really tasty cake just for this special occasion called colivă. Beel is okay with it so- hey don't ignore me! wait guys this is important- wAIT!

-

Satan: I hate Lucifer because he is my father.

Belphie: I hate Lucifer because he sucks in general.

MC: I hate Lucifer because Favorite color is red which is COMMUNISM COLOUR 😡‼

-

Solomon: See?? MC likes my cooking!

MC: Piftie...Caltaboş...

MC: Solomon, you would make a very good romanian housewife. Say, have you ever considered getting a 701st wife...?

-

Beel: *munching happily on the food MC makes*

Lucifer: *getting a fucking break*

MC: *making grătar(barbeque) cu mici*

MC: Everybody loves 1 Mai!

-

MC: Beelphiiieee!!!! I have a spell for you 😊

Belphie: Please not the lingură de lemn-

MC: *boop on the nose* ✨du-te dracu✨ (go to hell)

-

Lucifer: How did you make everyone behave?

MC: *looking at the papuc de casă in hand*

MC: You either die a hero...or live enough to become the villain...

Lucifer: Interesting, can you teach me?

MC: The secret is to use your wrist-

-

MC, whispering: Psst! Mammon! How's the sarmale trading going?

Mammon: Its okay, but why can't you just give me the recipe?

MC: E din moşi strămoşi (it's from older generations) I can't give it to you

-

MC: Hey pisi, want a ride in my Dacia?

Simeon: ...what? :)

MC: Come on gagica(girlfriend)! We are going to visit my family they will love you!

MC: You can also bring Luke. Just uhhh don't let him drink from the "juicebox" ok? It's not- It's not juice in there

MC: But you can drink. I won't tell anyone.

-

Diavolo: MC you can't leave yet. Not even for a quick visit back home.

MC: Auzi, da du-te-n p- (well why don't you fuck yourself on my dic-)

-

MC: *sigh* Sometimes I wish Satan was wearing Vagabond instead of...whatever that is

Asmo: Ouch, but yeah I guess we are that desperate.

Satan: I'm never tutoring any of you again.

-

MC and Luke, just vibing honestly: ⬇️Intră-n👇apa🌊mării🐚şi🐋nu🐟te🙄teme😱ai😳să-nveți🤯să-noți🐠printre🤔sirene🧜‍♀️🧜‍♂️

(go in the sea's water and don't you be afraid you'll learn to swim among mermaids)

-

MC: No Asmo, I have a date to the ball he's right here *points at țuică bottle*

-

Belphie: *misbehaving*

MC: Vai, vai, vai. Sărumâna Belphie 😃 ( well, well, well good day Belphie)

MC: *grabs the papuc (slipper)*

-

MC: NO LUCIFER IT CAN NOT BE AN AN NOU FERICIT (happy new year) IF WE DO NOT DANCE THE HORĂ

-

MC and Luke, vibing yet again: POVEȘTI DIN FOLCLORUL MAGHIAR!!! (maghiar folklore stories!)

-

MC: Where is my țuică? :)

Everyone: *quiet*

MC: I won't get mad :)

MC:

MC: Foaie verse de trifoi~ *papuc reappears* Dați băi țuica înapoi (green leaf of clover, give the țuică back you fucker)

Everybody: *runs*

MC: Mândruțelor (girls), come back until I'll put this to good use

-

Levi: *exists*

MC: *in love with him bc his fav color is in the Romanian flag and not in the commie flag*

MC: Te las să te lingi cu mime în parcare la lidl (I'll let you french kiss me in the Lidl market parking lot)

-

MC: Lucifer you don't understand!

MC: Sandu Ciorbă cured my depression!

-

MC: Muie cretinii pământului (fuck y'all stupid asses) my țuică is back and I'm not sharing anymore

-

Asmo: We're doing hot girl shit tonight

MC: Ne curvim rău (we're hoeing)

-

MC: futu-ți cristelnița mătii (fuck your mother's font) Simeon you're the one that drank all my țuică

MC: I'll let it slide this once, if u take me for shaorma(shawarma) in Piața Victoriei (Victoria's market)

-

Solomon: Whoops, I accidentally messed up the sarmale recipe

MC: Aşadar războiu alesu l-ai (So you have chosen war)

-

Mammon: MC, how do you say "I hate you" in romanian?

MC: Dar eu sunt mândru că sunt twink. (I'm proud to be a twink)

Mammon, clueless: ok thanks

-

MC, to Belphie: I had such a rough day, please fute-mi una (fuck me over) and not the way I like

-

Mammon: What would be a quick way to make money?

MC: Gagica(girlfriend), listen. Culegător de sparanghel (asparagus picker) in Spain is your go-to.

-

Asmo: *blasting manele vechi (old manele).2006*

Asmo: Please love me!

MC: *already in wedding attire*

-

MC: Beel! Here, try this! Yeah yeah its completely fine!

MC: ...what do you mean it looks like Solomon's cooking?

MC: THIS IS PIFTIE AND YOU WILL LEARN TO APPRECIATE IT

-

MC: *dragging them all by the hand to therapy*

MC: Păi aşa-i hora pe la noi măi bade- (This is hora to us well my mans)

-

MC, talking to Lucifer: Măi omu lu dumnezeu îți fut una de nu te vezi (listen God's man I'll fuck you over that you'll not see again) if u lay a finger on my țuică again

MC: I don't care that you have daddy issues, this is MINE now thank you very much.

-

MC: Doamne cu ce ți-am greşit? (God, what have I done to you?)

MC: tanti Lilith, ia-mă cu tine gagicuțo milf ce ești (Miss Lilith, take me with you you milf girlfriend)

MC: Chiar și culesul de căpșuni din Spania era mai ok dacât (even strawberry picking in Spain is better than) Therapist Simulator hell edition

-

Diavolo: *exists*

MC: Vrei să-ți fiu a ta mireasă? (Do you want me to be your wife?)

-

Simeon: *exists*

MC: Vrei să-ți fiu Ileană Cosânzeană? ( Want me to be your fairy wife?)

-

Belphie: Every time I doze off they say this weird phrase...

MC: Dormeo(mattress company) ! Noapte bună! (good night!)

-

MC: What do you mean im not allowed to have a cross around my neck?

MC: My dead grandmother would kill me it's Sfântu Andrei for fucks sake

MC: The law is law we gotta put garlic and salt everywhere around the house

MC: This is what you get from taking my țuică away AGAIN

-

MC: I mean, at least i dont have to take the bacalaureat and face the woman-hating-Ion-Creangă-fucking-twink-looking-nightmare-inducing Eminescu so

MC: *drinks a Mona Spirt (rubbing alcohol) bottle in one go*

MC: that works wonders for me

[muwur]

long distance headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for daichi, suga, hinata & tsukki

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.5k words

a/n: hello yall this is my first post! nobody asked, but i just started this haikyuu reader insert blog, feel free to check my page n see wazzap. also requests are open pls come fhorfjepfiwf;

daichi

✧ after high school, he stayed in miyagi while you went to tokyo, about 5 hours away, for college

✧ texting or calling whenever u can!

✧ you be like “heyyy”

✧ then he clap back with a “go focus on your lecture”

✧ “im not in lectureee”

✧ “you gave me your schedule so i know you’re in the middle of class”

✧ “...”

✧ makes sure you’re awake on time for your classes and calls you if he thinks you’re oversleeping (and hes usually right, this man just KNOWS)

✧ “morning y/n, i think you need to get to class soon”

✧ “mmrghhhghhh” *checks time* “holy sHI-- i forgot to set my alarm. IMMA BE LATE. THANKS DAICHI I LOVE YOU ILL TALK TO YOU LATER BYE”

✧ definitely skips out on some nights out with his friends to video chat you. you catch up, talk about future plans, reminisce, complain about not being able to hug one another, etc. occasionally one of you falls asleep on call, particularly after a long day or week. if he sleeps, you make sure you screenshot his sleeping face and start a picture collection  

✧ you hit him up when you get drunk lMAO

✧ “daiichiii, i miss youuu, i needdd youuuu AND i needa peeee---” “hey daichi, this is y/n’s friend. y/n’s pretty out of it now but they’ll be okay! we’re heading back to our place right now” “im gonna pEE IN THIS CAR”

✧ daichi coordinates with your friends to make sure you arrive home safely, use the bathroom, and get tucked into bed. he thanks the universe you have good friends. if it weren’t for them he’d probs have a heart attacc. sends you cute, reassuring voice messages for you to wake up to the next morning with hangover tips he learned from suga

✧ always checks in with you throughout the day, every day. able to pick up on the slightest hints if you’re feeling unwell and calls you immediately to try to make you feel better

✧ makes plans to visit you! you get really excited to introduce him to your college friends (who, after meeting him, tell you not only is he a hottie but is such a kind guy, fosho a keeper. they also ask if he has any cute friends)

✧ either holding your hand or has an arm around you most of the time.

✧ you spend all day together outside and wandering the city, then spend the night back at your place (sorry roommate, but we’re gonna have to kick you out for a lil bit--)    

sugawara

✧ you finally secured a job! unfortunately, the company required you to work for a year at their main facility, which was a 4 hour drive away from miyagi

✧ if suga wasn’t needed in miyagi for his teaching job, he would’ve tried to come with you

✧ after unloading your things in your new apartment and before parting ways, suga was like

✧ “everything’s unloaded everything from the car?”

✧ “yes maam”

✧ “do you have enough snacks?”

✧ “we just went to the grocery hun”

✧ “did you bring enough underwear?”

✧ “gDI yEs I dID”

✧ “:c promise to call me often”

✧ “<3333 of course”</p>

✧ good morning texts before y’all leave for work! you send each other cute pictures when you’re getting ready for the day (suga with bedhead, brushing his teeth? suga with his tie half done?? sign me up)

✧ always texts you when something reminds him of you, usually sends a picture along with it

✧ “the store was having a special on oranges today! this one reminds me of you”

✧ “why”

✧ “it just looks so cute~”

✧ will immediately call you if you send him any sort of message that worries him

-“hello? y/n what’s wrong, why is there blood?? speak to me, you haven’t replied in 5 minutes”

✧ “ohhh my bad, i’m just cleaning up don’t worry! i didn’t explain, but the picture i sent you isn’t blood, it’s ketchup i spilled on myself lolol”

✧ poor man nearly fainted from worry

✧ would pay you a surprise visit, making sure to plan it carefully so he knew you weren’t busy with work or plans. brings you gifts of your favorite snacks and a scarf that matches one of his own for the upcoming winter

✧ plans out that weekend for y’all, mans did his research beforehand. together, you toured the city and the surrounding nature, took lots of selfies (and many candids of you), and taste tested lots of foods before returning to your apartment and collapsing into your bed with exhaustion

✧ but y’all not too tired for cuddling n a lil something else >.>

hinata

✧ sure, being a couple hours away was hard for some... but y’all in different countries right now

✧ calls you immediately when there’s any inconvenience that occurs in his life, no matter how minor, thinking you’ll know how to fix it (or at least give him the reassurance he needs)

✧ “hey y/n...”

✧ “what’s wrong? you sound worried”

✧ “i broke my bike, what do i do”

✧ “you what? are you alright?? how? where are you? it’s midnight there, honey”

✧ “i was biking back to my apartment after staying late to practice! i didn’t wanna hit this turtle, so i swerved into a pole and now my bike’s wrecked :**”

✧ “ahh, are you okay?? you’re not hurt are you :(”

✧ “no, im okay... but im tired and i have two miles to go ;(((”

✧ “;( im sorry babe but you gotta walk home. we’ll get you a new bike. ill stay on the phone with you until you get back. tell me about your day <3″</p>

✧ talks about you all the time to his friends! introduces you through video chat to them! “look how pretty and cute y/n is!”

✧ together you work out your time differences and busy schedules so you can chat whenever possible

✧ he lets you know whenever he bought something for you, but never shows it to you because he’s excited to see your reaction in person when you reunite

✧ always asks you to send him pictures of yourself, he wants to see what you look like everyday he’s missing you in real life

✧ you surprise visit HIM. he’s so happy he could cry. shows you around every place he loves, shows you off to everyone he knows, holds your hand the entire time and never wants to let go, is practically glued to you not that you mind  

✧ you spend your last night together lying in the grass, hand in hand, looking at the stars and sharing sweet kisses  

tsukishima

✧ y’all went to separate universities. while he stayed relatively close to miyagi, you went across the country to okinawa, which was about a 3 hour flight away

✧ he sees all the couples around campus n becomes lowkey bitter, texts you immediately about gross pda like hand holding that he secretly wishes he could do with you “these people in relationships are too happy, i didn’t ask to see them gawk at each other all day” “u just miss me lmao”

✧ once overheard a convo on a shuttle at school that went like :

✧ person 1: “ugh, he’s so cute”

✧ person 2: “why dont you go out with him??”

✧ person 1: “i dunno, his dorm’s down the street, i can’t really do long distance”

✧ nANI (by the way, this is a irl conversation my friend overheard, oml)

✧ tsukki nearly choked on his morning coffee

✧ bothers texts you in class bc he’s bored and in need of your attention

✧ “hey tsukki this prof’s lectures are rlly dense, i needa focus, ill text u after”

✧ “but arent i more interesting than rocks”

✧ “trust me, id even rather watch some dino documentaries with you than be here”

✧ *read*

✧ likes to chat with you most nights as he lies in bed before going to sleep, staring up at the dark ceiling and listening to your voice through his headphones. usually just talking about how your days went (as if you weren’t texting all day) or just casual talk and banter

✧ you remind him to make sure he’s taking care of himself and eating well

✧ “who are you? my mother?”

✧ “no but you’re about to be single”

✧ surprise visits you, tells you it was yamaguchi’s idea when it was really his own and yamaguchi was just teasing him about it  

✧ you show him around the city, sharing what you know about its rich history and culture. you visit most areas you both wanted to see before calling it a day

✧ your roommate conveniently spends that night over at their friend’s they just wanna give you alone time, which y’all very much needed. you make it a note to repay your roommate somehow.

✧ sweet lovin that he’s been missing, then some spooning as you sleep    

a/n: just wanna tackle these about 4 characters at a time but if u wanna see this headcanon w/ other characters feel free to hmu w/ an ask <3<b> also sorry if i text type a lot and that im inconsistent with my apostrophes, let me know if that’s something you want me to fix! 

[dramagamergirl]

Love unholyc - Day 9 ( Sol route)

Chat 06:13 Hi is going

Good bye! Take care ! +Sol

Where are you going and leaving me !!

Wait, so everyone knows except for me?

Why are you suddenly going to China ? +Hi

What's the brand that peipei's father runs?

You're not being force to go because of me, right? +Hi

The prototypes who Leo said is like serving an ice king?

That person called me Leo's muse +Leo

Hi image

Thanks hi. Hi you be careful

Don't worry about me since sol is here ! +Sol

Sol image

Chat 08:28 Greetings big sis!

Hi babe, hi baby

You're full of nerdy as usual babe ! +Sol 

Sol, does he care for me that much? +Sol

It would be nice if sol help me himself

Peipei seems really close to Sol

I don't really like to talk about other people behind their back +Sol

How is she scary?

I heard she's really immerse in her organization —

It's satisfied my curiosity but she seems to be a bit scary +Sol

Can a person like that willingly protect me ?

I want to know more about you , babe.

Yeah, thanks for helping me. And tell sol thank you +Sol

Chat 10:47 Greetings 

Dont be so hard on your younger bother

Hi, your babe’s younger brother, Sui tight? +Sol

Was Babe with you back then?

Gasp! Is it possible to take down someone with a pencil? +Sol

other album Image

I already heard that though?

Sui, have you heard people call you sloppy? +Sol

I’d like that. I want to know more about you , Sui.

Does it have todo with Sol? +Sol

So that’s how your relationship with Sol started? +Sol

It must have been hard

He deserved it! +Sol

Even then, to used violence!

Can I really make sol happy?

Im sure Sol knows hoy you feel right now +Sol

Its good because it feels like I grew closet to you

Im glad to listen to any story about Sol +Sol

Sol calls

Chat 12:02 So you’re that girl?

He..hello? —

Who are you?

Something important…about the price of the deal? +Sol

What do you have yo take about that’s important?

I also want to know more about you..

What are you curios about me? —

Sol hasn’t said anything about me?

I am an unholyc —

Yeah, okay. +Sol

What about my privacy?

Yeah, have a safe flight ! Boss! +Sol

If we meet.. can we become friends?

Story 14:25 I have something to say

I'm a bit busy but it's fine!

To think you'd visit me at this time! So happy +Sol

Haven't you given me enough precaution now

You didn't come because you miss me? +Sol

Yes teacher +Sol

How could you ban delivery food !

Even if I have to go to the nearby convenience store?

The both of you or just one of you ? +Sol

Huh? That's all you really wanted to say to me ?

You didn't listen to anything I said though! +Sol

Chat 16:19 Ill go to you

Hi did you arrives safely in china?

Sol , age is just a number +Hi

Hi.. that just made me really excited!

lol it seems like romantic words come out like instinct for sol + Sol

Did the three of you go to the army? +Leo

Reserve training? What’s that?

Peipei seems like an amazing person ! +Sol

Thats weird, I thought it would take longer for her to arrive

Sol image

You must be busy with Peipei, Sol +Sol

Hi enjoy your time in China!

Leo don’t push yourself and be careful in training

Chat 18:52 Don't worry to much

What did you hear ?

Promise that you'll keep it shit and easily understandable ―

Does this have anything to do with that?

Omg omg ! Just how beautiful was that! ―

Shalotte just get to,the point

Catching bees?? Liam? ―

Finally you got to the one ! Horray!

Pierce and William must be quite close ―

I want to became a friend who can support you

I feel safe because of shalotte

I Fanta believe you'd ask me that here !

I picked Sol +Sol

All he does is tell me to be careful everyday +Sol

I thought we were really close but I don't think we are

A person who is nagging and a person getting nagged at..? ―

It's ....seems to be a bit unfamiliar

Yeah scold him!

No, love you said I'll think about it carefully +Sol

Thank you shallote!

Story 20:41 The night that feels bigger

Yeah, it makes me even happier and it's nice +Leo

I didn't expect sol to not tell me as well

Yeah. Why are you in such a rush?

You don't want to touch me? ―

Avoid Sol's eyes and hug Leo

Go out of Leo's arms and go to sol +Sol

No. I'm going to feel lonely without Leo

Yeah, sol is going o make up for both you and hi, so don't worry +Sol

Chat 23:33 Something more that I have to say

Huh? I thought you didn't have time to talk

Hi sol, did something happen?*

Nothing really happened so I didn't do anything good

Of course, teachaah*

You know I want to get closer to Peipei*

Recently, you've always been talking about Peipei

Try to think about what's really important to talk about, Sol *

Yes you must be busy so don't push yourself too hard, Sol

(sorry I was tired haha and I forgot to write the result of each choice 😅so for this last one Im just gonna put * for the ones I choose)

[ivyuns]

love again ❆✰

lee minho

genre: angst / fluff 

word count: 2.4k

warnings: drugs + language + a bit suggestive + a few grammar mistakes (this was written at 5 am plz i cant) 

A/N: why do i keep having dreams of someone who i used to like :(

masterlist

nonidol!minho x fem!reader

taking a picture of the scenery of paris in front of you, smiling of how well it came out, a real smile this time. hearing a voice call out your name, you turn around as your smile dropped, seeing someone who you didnt ever wanted to see. lee minho was his name.

it started as you two were young and in love with each other back in high school. you two we known as the toxic couple. not because you two were bad for each other, but because you did everything together: drugs, alcohol, getting high, sex, you name it. other than those, you two had another side of being soft. the romantic dates and the funny days shared.

the time you two hung out as best friends everyday, making everyone in school thinking you two were couples. the night where minho took you star gazing late at night after having a fight with your mom and ended up kissing you and asking you to be his one and only.

til your mom found out that you did drugs and drank underage because of minho. she forced you to break up with him and you felt like shit. you called him to meet you at the park you two always went to and left the house to go see him.

arriving at the park and sitting on a bench with the winter breeze around you in your light cardigan. feeling something on your shoulders made you feel tense til you smelled where the owner of the jacket is. lifting your head up, a tear fell from your eyes. minho’s eyes soften as he took a seat next to you and wiped the tear away.

“y/n, whats wrong love?” minho asked. “m-min, we need to break up”. minhos eyes widened from your sentence. “b-baby what happen? is everything okay at home? please tell me”. sighing and standing up as you took off minhos jacket off of your shoulders and gave it back to him. “just know that i still love you forever and always and we’ll meet in the next life” and left him.

minho sat there in shock, not knowing what just happened. it felt like a big part of him just left him.

the next week at school, you werent at your seat. you were nowhere found in school. you were just laying on your bed, feeling total shit. feeling nothing to do but just cry to sleep. your mom made you do online school to stop you from seeing minho and his friends. you phone made another noise as you sighed. looking up to see your phone on your nightstand, you see 44 missed calls and 64 messages from minho. tears falling down even more, you ended up falling asleep with a worried minho waiting for you at school.

and that was the last time you ever saw him, you first and last lover. his cousin, who was your best friend had kept in touch with you and told you what minho had done during the breakup. inhaling and consuming drugs, overdosing on drugs, drinking more and going crazy while yelling your name and wanting you to come back into his life.

minho eventually got over the breakup in a year. looking at the memories you gave him, he had the urge to call you names you didnt like him saying. his cousin passed by his room and heard him saying things you hated being called. knowing it was about you since his cousin had knew you before minho so of course you told her everything.

feeling hurt and angry about what she told you, you felt yourself growing apart from him. why still love him after he called you those names? you gave yourselft sometime to heal and feel better about yourself.

now here you are now 3 years later, visiting your dream city, france. you always wanted to come here when you and minho were a bit older but things didnt work out.

turning around after hearing minho called you, he ran over to you. looking at your figure, he can tell you lost too much weight but still had the perfect brown eyes with your hair recently dyed to light brown and your fashion senses that changed. only with you in a black top and baggy tan pants with black converse. god how much did he miss you.

a few minutes after not talking, you figured he just wanted your attention after he searched you everywhere in paris when his cousin gave him updates on you. walking away from him, he quickly grabbed your wrist. “y-y/n, can we please talk?” you made him let go of your wrist and continued walking to your hotel.

minho quickly ran in front of you and stopped you. “please y/n, what did i do wrong?” you sighed and looked up at him. “maybe if you werent so psycho, you wouldve known.”

minho stood there and thought of what happened. was it when you broke up with him? no, it couldnt be your fault. when he called you more than enough? no. when he was about to propose to you and run away with each other? no way. you two broke things before he could even ask.

‘shit’ he thought. it made him realize. he was too angry at some point and called you names that you hated being called and point out your insecurities. he knew someone was outside his door at the time.

facing back reality, he sees you still in front of him. “figured out now, mr lee minho?” you crossed your arms and a little smirk formed on your face. even after years, you still cant stop loving him. minho takes your hand and drags you to a park to lay under the sunset, watching to stars as it turns dark. remembering from your high school days.

laying down with you in minhos embrace, you whispered a ‘i love you’ to minho and fell asleep after missing the warmth of minho. minho, who smiled after you fell into your slumber and pulled you closer to him. “i love you too y/n”

a few hours, you woke up to nobody in the park but you and minho in the dark. noticing you were still in minhos arms, you got up and woke up minho. minho opened his eyes and saw your panic face. “minho, where are we?!”

minho was fully awake now. looking everywhere, he couldnt remember where or how he took you to this area. “god minho if you werent such a dumbass. youre lucky that my phone works fine here” you said as you gathered your stuff and grabbed minho’s hand, forcing him to get up and follow to directions on your phone to where your hotel was.

minho just smiled and walked close to you. “you havent changed a bit y/n” he says. you stopped walking and turned around which resulted minho bumping into you. “youre really asking for a slap are you?” minho quickly shook his head a no and you turned around and began walking again.

-

opening your door to your hotel room, minho was full in daze. everything was decorated beautiful just for a hotel suite, or thats what minho thought it was. “you can sleep on the couch here, ill be upstairs if you need anything” you said and head upstairs where your room was after giving him an extra toothbrush and toothpaste and other necessary items.

“wait y/n!” he calls your name and you turn around to walk downstairs. stopping at he last step of the stairs, minho walks towards you. “can you actually stay down here. i-i mean like so we can catch up on stuff like you know?” you knew he just wanted you to stay down here since he couldnt be alone.

“ya, youre just trying love me again arent you minho?” you joked as you poked him. minho scoffed and went to sit on the couch. “as if”. walking towards the couch and sitting next to minho, you lift your legs onto the ottoman. “im just joking min, of course ill stay here with you” you say to him and looked at him with a happy smile. minho smiles also after hearing you call out his nickname youll call him during your relationship.

hugging you waist, minho leans towards you as you get lost in his sparkling eyes. he lays you down and kisses your lips. at first, you wanted to pull away, but after missing his kisses, how could you resist it? 

a few weeks had gone by and you two had returned to korea as a couple again. another 3 weeks and you moved in with minho after getting kicked out when she found out you found minho. with no hesitation, you facetimed minho about what happened and let his loving girlfriend move in with him.

moving your belongs into his apartment, you felt nauseous. going to the toilet to release the sickness, minho puts down a box and runs over to your side after hearing disturbing noises from the bathroom. “baby, what happened? are you okay?” minho says and tries his best to comfort you while he lifts your hair into a ponytail so its not in the way. “i-i think im-”

tears started streaming down your face as thoughts ran past your brain. what if he doesnt want the baby? is it too early? were still in our early twenties. you were cut off by minho hugging you. “its okay baby. we can check and see in the morning. lets go head to bed, i already got the last box.” nodding your head, minho leads you to the bedroom with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest, both slowly falling asleep.

waking up first thing in the morning, you turn and see minho still asleep. going to get ready to for the store. most importantly, for the pregnancy test.

-

walking back into the apartment, you immediately go to the bathroom and take the test. waiting for the test to give out the answer, minho wakes up to you not next to him. grabbing his phone from the nightstand, he goes to your contact and texts you.

my baby <3

where are u ?

hearing the familiar notification bell, he sighs as he realize you didnt take your phone with you. getting up, minho goes to the bathroom and sees you with the test in the palm of your hands. he goes up behind you and hugs you and to see the test come back with positive.

with the biggest smile on his face, minho turns you around to face him. “you dont know how happy i am y/n” “but minho, how are you not mad?” you pulled away from the hug with a confusion look on your face, “shhh, just pretend i wanted this to happen in the future when we dated.” minho back hugs you, facing the bathroom mirror.

you see minhos hands rubbing your stomach. “its been our dream to have kids and get married. and ta da!” turning yourself around, you hug minho at a better position. “thank you minho for loving me back and not leaving us, i love you so much”. minho leaned in and put his forehead on yours. “i love you more than you do baby” and gave you a loving peck.

END <3

yes another minho fic bc this was sitting in my drafts and i dont know where this was heading to hehe

[thrashgirl66-blog]

Whether to end a 22 year marriage or to endure the verbal abuse and controlling ways from my inlaws.

Where do you draw the line?? I have endured numerous times where my inlaws try to control our life, children, and our home .

It started right after we were married. We flew to vegas just the two of us and were married in a quiet and private ceremony . I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter Mia who's 21 now. My husband was 30 and I was 22. I didn't feel any different after we were married all I knew was I was madly in love and was thrilled to be having my first child. I watched" a baby story" everyday daydreaming about the day i would meet my first child. Jumping ahead to the day I knew that these people are going to be a problem. The day my daughter was born it was me and my husband and my mom in the delivery room. The moment she arrived my husband and I cried tears of joy and ahhh. It was love at first sight, then the nurses proceeded to do there first assessment. Then an aid comes in and states your family is causing a scene in the waiting room. The midwife I had suggested that I try to breastfeed right now to try and get a good start because I was a new mom. Then a nurse came in and said can we let the family in they are pretty upset they haven't seen the baby yet. I guess the breastfeeding can wait a little bit so my inlaws can meet there new grandchild. They came in and asked if my mother n law could hold my baby and i said ok. She held and stared at her, she looked at her so intently it was like nothing else existed. She stared like a mom stares at her new child. I waited patiently then I told George I would like my baby back please. It took 15min for George to pry my baby away from her. When they were done they just left. Didn't ask how I was or anything but i was so pumped from my new baby I let it go. Then next day a nurse practitioner was doing rounds and in my room i felt uneasy and depressed. I knew my controling inlaws would try and take over caring for my baby and at 22 i didn't know how to handle it. All I wanted was to be left to care for my child. Before I even had my baby my mother n law said that I wouldn't be a good mom and that id never be as good of a mother than her because shes had 5 children. One of which died at 6 months of sids according to her. Here first child from her first husband she left with her x husband in the Philippines because she got remarried and was afraid her new husband would hurt her son "her words".

I went back to work after 3 months and my inlaws watched my daughter during the day. While my daughter was at my inlaws I wasnt allowed to feed or change her cuz my mil would say im doing it wrong and take her from me. The insults and digs continued consistently then when my daughter was in first grade she came home and told me grandma said your stupid and had a fat butt. Whatever, then they gave her a cell phone so they could call her whenever she was home. Then came my first huge mistake. My husband wanted to go to nursing school in Connecticut so she wanted us to leave mia there and see her on the weekends. I was weak,young and i was stupid. I went with it then when school was over and we moved back it took us 3 years to untangle there grasp of my daughter. Souly because my mother n law was worried about my daughter. Apparently my father n law filled out the 6 month check from mass health and put himself as her primary guardian. So I couldn't even take my kid to the md without my father n law. Got a job and private insurance and they had nomore BS excuses to keep my kid. Now we are going to jump ahead to the present home and how we got here.

We were living with my dad because he had just gotten a divorce and fired from his job so he needed help . When we were there my inlaws walked in without knocking and walked around like they owned the place. George was preapproved for a VA loan so we started looking for our own home. Then my husband asked his father advice on buying a home and they took over. They found this house thats 50+ years old. My husband said he didn't like the house. My inlaws said you buy this house or were not going to help you, he said fine ill do it on my own. The next day they went to George and said we bought this house and its your inheritance so dont look a gifthorse in the mouth. This is you and michelles new home. Boy was that a blatant lie. 1 year after we got there my inlaws decided they don't like my father so while he was visiting having a coffee with me . They sent the police to my home and had him arrested. Firsttime in 60 years my dad was arrested.

At that time they announced that this was their house and they will say who can and cant go over. Then while George was at work they showed up unannounced as usual and said to me we got a lawyer to make sure that when you and George divorce you will not get this house. Whatever I said but was that necessary to announce to me. Throughout the next few years they told me to get out like 6xs not the family just me. They called the police on me 3xs because they started announcing there visits but could never take no as an awnser. My daughter got lice from school not a good time ,they called the police. My son has a fever not a goodtime they called the police. They also every 3 months would show up demanding a check for $1000 to pay the taxes. Take the check and pay at town hall because they didn't believe there son who has really good credit couldn't pay the taxes himself he was too irresponsible. Now I decided that im no longer spending my holidays with these people every holiday when we show noone would say hello or even look at me. We always ate alone because they never waited for us to arrive. They put me at the kids table and it was just a miserable time. Im done trying to endure the comments and yelling. Not having anyone to talk to during the holidays. So i stayed home told my husband feel free to go bring the kids but im staying home. Sex has seemed to have ended or if im lucky once a month. Whatever love was between us has been reduced to a coparent relationship. I miss him so much but I love my husband but i cant be apart of his family anymore. Im sick of having my property thrown away. Being belittled and be told im overreacting.

[darthyentruoc]

You Rat!

Sadie Adler x Reader

I suck at using punctuation so please forgive me if parts make no sense.

Also use whatever name and pronoun that makes you comfortable.

This will be a two parter as it was far too long to post as one.

..................................................................................

'What're we gonna do now dutch?' Bill asked just as the boat was finally pulling into the harbour of Van Horn after a very long journey back from Guarma 'we just need time, thats all but first we need to rejoin our family. When we get off i want each of you to check places we last was; Bill check around Saint Denis, saloons and such, Arthur check rhodes maybe our old camp, Javier you check up near lakay around near the bayou maybe they went up that way, Micah check horseshoe maybe they backtracked, y/n check shady belle and i will ask whomever i come across. Be safe....all of you' each of you nodded before one by one entering the small rowboat to head back to shore.

Since the bankjob you had been suspicious, it was obvious that one of the gang was in on it that there was definitely a rat amongst you. You didnt know why maybe it was just because he was an asshole but, something inside you consistently pulled your suspicion toward micah. So when you saw him mount up and start to ride off you decided to follow him.

As you neared horseshoe overlook you almost gave up and was about to head back until you saw a wagon blocking the road infront of him, 'ah shit...sorry micah but if youre about to get shot. I aint goddamn helping you' you whispered to yourself as you slowly pulled off the road and watched from a distance, the door opened and out stepped Agent Milton and Ross you couldnt believe your eyes as you saw micah dismount and follow them both back into the wagon as if they were old friends having a reunion after years apart 'you goddamn bastards' you spat. That was all the information you needed now you just had to find the others before he did.

Arriving at shady belle the grounds were clearly abandoned and strewn with rubbish and broken tents they obviously had to leave in a hurry, you just hoped that somone left something to help you find them. You walked into the plantation house the door creaking loudly 'HELLO....SADIE....ABIGAIL? ANYONE?'. Nothing. You searched the downstairs rooms and spotted a letter on the dining table

"Dear Uncle Tacitus.

I do so hope that you enjoyed your vacation. Lucky you! Leaving like that. And you always suggested you were too old for travel. I hope you and your cousins enjoyed yourselves. Me and your grandneices have decided to take a trip of our own as the place has become so dreary and God forsaken in your absence. We have gone to visit relatives [from my daddy's side. You are not yet acquainted with them] in lakay a small village just north of Saint Denis.

Its buggy and muggy but apparently neither is too bad this time of year. Please come see us when you can.

Yours sincerely,

Caroline"

You chuckled this note had sadie all over it you even found yourself reading it in her accent, just as you folded it away you heard the sounds of hooves nearing the house, racing to the window you saw 3 pinkertons dismounting outside 'why have we gotta check here again, they aint here','yea well Mr Milton wants us to check everyday until they are' you lowered yourself to the floor and took cover behind the wall 'urgh Mr Milton, ive got a spare bullet for him','shh come on, look footprints someones here...scout the area' you stayed in cover as two of them entered the house and one walked right past you, quickly you crept past them and back to your horse, making your way to lakay.

The sun was slowly setting as you arrived at lakay, you spotted Sadie, Pearson and Abigail outside you made your way over to them your footsteps prompting Abigail to turn around 'y/n....oh my goodness, he's/she's alive.... youre alive!' She dived into your arms 'welcome back Mr/Miss Morgan' Pearson smiled widely. Your eyes moved to sadie who was still stood to the side just looking you over as if you were a mirage 'i...uh got your note' you stuttered pulling the piece of paper from your satchel, with that sadie stepped forward and gently tossed the letter into the mud before wrapping her arms around you in a warm but protective embrace which shocked you as she had never been too affectionate before, which you totally understood but nevertheless you held her close for what felt like minutes before pulling away 'im glad you're ok' she smiled.

The reunion was short and sweet before you remembered earlier that day 'micah!' You spoke out loud 'what?...' sadie looked at you confusion painting her face 'is he back?' You asked 'yea he got back a couple hours ago.... but why?....' sadie couldn't finish and was just as confused as ever as you barged into the cabin, ignoring everyone you spotted micah asleep in a hammock on the left of the cabin.

Without missing a beat you marched over and tipped him out sending him sprawling to the floor 'WHAT THE HELL! ARGH...WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR MORGAN' he shouted angrily as he pushed himself back up, you grabbed him by his collar pinning him to the nearest wall 'did you have a nice chat with milton?...huh, did you?' You spat smashing him back into the wall aggressively 'hang on a minute, what the hell is going on?' Abigail inquired as she pulled jack into her chest in an effort to stop him from seeing anything 'he got picked up by the pinkertons, thats whats up' you could see him squirming under your grip 'i dont know what he's/she's talking about, clearly all that sun got to your head' he chuckled trying his best to get anyone else on his side, with a calm demeanor you said 'Abigail take jack outside for me'. As soon as you heard the door slam shut you threw micah to the floor and sent a fist across his face 'what did you tell em'. He wiped the blood with his sleeve 'why would i tell you' he chuckled 'oh your gonna tell me'.

You punched him over and over until his face was purple and bloodied 'just tell him/her Micah' Susan screamed from the doorway, with that he began laughing hysterically spitting the blood from his mouth onto the floor 'right ive had enough of this' you pulled out your revolver and pointed it at micahs kneecap and fired making him let out a pained scream 'TELL ME, OR I'LL SHOOT THE OTHER' you yelled taking aim at his other knee 'alright.... alright, they knew you were here','are they out there now?.... are they waiting for us? Answer me you bastard','yes.... yes theyre waiting for you all and then theyre gonna ambush the cabin to get us to surrender.... please dont kill me' he begged 'we arent gonna kill ya, at least not yet' Arthur threatened before sadie sent the butt of her rifle into his face knocking him out cold.

[2021ssajka]

This month has been very challenging for me. (personal post below, you can read it)

From having plans to go back to the Philippines, to cancelling that plans all together. I initially wanted to go to the PH because I wanted this to be my gift for myself as I am graduating with 2 majors. I wanted to visit my family there and spend time with them, as well as my dad (sick). 

My dad and I dont have the best relationship, so it has been even more challenging for me. 

Ive been in America for 10 years now and this whole time Ive always wanted to go back and be with my family there since I love them very much and they are a big part of my life. Ive always imagined a nice vacation and going on trips with my cousins. Painting in my little terrace of my childhood home. basically reliving my old life when I was 12. I still kept that dream till now.

I am only now realizing that, that perception of the Philippines I had in my head is still the vision I had when I was 12. I am realizing now that its a fantasy and not the reality. 

------

This planning process for the Philippines was super last minute and impulsive, given the pandemic and me finding out my dads condition is not getting better. I booked a flight right away without any plans whatsoever. I was hoping it would be a spontaneous time where my family would bring me around to places and etc. I was even just fine with just staying home and just being in the company of my cousins that I missed so much. 

Everyday since I booked that flight, there were complications and drama rising. My dad has becoming paranoid and his narcissistic ways are coming back and has been triggering me. We have been fighting a lot since then which turned into getting more people involved with this fight. Resulted with me having a major panic attack and meltdown that I do not want to go at all. 

All the bad memories I had of him in my childhood came back. Everything was coming back to me- everything that I have burned at the back of my head and forgot about. I thought time has healed me but I was wrong. my past trauma came back and I felt like I was stuck into this trip without knowing what I signed up for.

I was not okay for many days. I felt like I was a helpless child he were able to control, manipulate and emotionally/mentally abuse again. I kept praying.

It was then that the Philippines announced that there were implying a travel ban on the day I booked a flight. I felt that this was God’s interfering in order to protect me from him

--------

This has been an eye opening experience for me. 

Growing up in a traumatic household and moving to another country made me deal with things differently. I realized that me being overly positive and optimistic and being grateful for everything is a trauma response. Its a survival response. 

At a young age, My body did not know how to process these traumatic events and emotions so I shutdown. Its like when you have an accident and your body go on emergency mode and you wont feel the pain. I think that is what my body went through. I remember a time when I was a kid and I was numb for a year. It was through art when I tried healing myself and holding on for hope. 

for a long time- till now, everytime those events in my childhood are being talked about, i literally have a panic attack and I shut down. I cannot listen to it or talk about it without crying. 

When I moved here. I started a new life. I had a clean slate and I tried to forget everything bad that has happened. Its like I cleared out all the bad memories and held onto the good things, thats why I had such a fixation in my childhood in the Philippines because after a while, I only believed that I had a good childhood there. (i didnt have a right grasp of my real past). This also explains the reason why I wanted to visit that place so bad- bc i can only remember the good things, and I had a breakdown when my bad past caught up to me because that no longer existed in my head. 

This explains my fixation in my memories of the Philippines in my art work and why I use happy colors. I only saw that place as the “good place” when in reality there are many bad things happening in that country (not only in my personal life). 

ive only realized these things now... 10 years later when everything came back to me as flashbacks when my trauma was triggered. and it explains everything in my life especially in my artworks. it explains why I do what I do and I have such empathy for myself because I realize that the artist in me is the kid in me 10 years ago. 

-----

I realized that when I moved here, I viewed the Philippines as my ESCAPE. my safe haven, the place I would want to go back to and retire to since this was my home at the age of 14. I had such yearning for that familiarity when I was living in a foreign place that I developed such fantasy in that place.

I started painting when I was dealing through traumatic events in the Philippines, just when I was about to move here. I used to paint encouraging words in my art, having it as my sense of hope in those challenging times. 

I guess that still lives on in my today. I still use my art as my sense of escape and I am only realizing that now. I have always mentioned that these landscapes are my “safe haven” and now I understand why. Ive always referred to my art as a “healing act” but i never really understood why. 

I realized that my view of the Philippines is different from reality. I made this to be a romanticized place where I had a nice childhood in but that was not the whole story. 

------

This is why it is so hard for me to reference anything negative in my work. Ive always used my art as a positive act, to bring hope and encouragement. I still stand with that. I still resonate with my work and it is still valid. but now I see my work as two sided. Its not only that narrative but also the past that I have forgotten about. 

I have always had trouble with my art classes because teachers would always push me to do negative emotions in my work- so not just positive but also the negative aspect of the full spectrum of emotions.

This has always been a difficult task for me because I dont want that. My body rejects it. I used art to heal and they would want me to express the nasty emotions here. now I understand why I react that way. 

My mother is also a trauma survivor of my dad. So her, my sister and I share these experiences together. This also comes from an immigrant narrative who had nothing on her back when she came to this country, literally building herself up from dirt. My mom is the one who would always teach me to be grateful, to appreciate what we have and to be positive- to the point that thats all I did. to the point that it buried all the negative emotions and memories that I was not able to heal completely and is now still in that place. 

--------

its a lot. its like I just found out a different past that I never knew of. but im so glad I figured this out now. Its like I finally have an explanation why I am who I am today. Everything is valid, there is a reason why dealt with that problem that way and I dont regret it. 

Im just so glad I finally have answers. It just explains so much and im mindblown lol

I am not comfortable having this as a narrative of my work even if it is probably the main influence of the work i do. Im also not comfortable of talking about this personal story with other people and in my work. 

I just refuse being an abuse survivor as my story... I am more than what I have been through... so im trying to figure that out.

I am now trying to know myself again, my full self. 

Im excited to see how this changes my work hehe

[w0of]

17.03.21

he’s backkkkk. 

im okay. i miss him, want to chat and hang out. but i think my romantic feelings have been moving on steadly, i think im okay. but who knows how i will feel if i hit him up and ask to hang out./if we ever do hang out again.. 

in a way i feel like a blank slate again. if that makes sense.  in a way i also feel really empty. 

been drinking almost everyday again. not a lot. i drink for “fun” or cause im “bored” . i know it’s no good for me to be this way. 

still lots of things i haven’t done.

blocked my mom again because i really just don’t know how to deal. need to pay bills...  REALLY need to refinance.. the final payment is due in 3 months.. but instead i’m hanging out, biking, and doing all other chores and things to avoid going to talk to banks..

i need to prep for taxes too. 

i think after next week i get to slow down at work a little. so hopefully I’ll be able to get some stuff done then... 

OH and need to reschedule my real estate exam and study for it.  2020 passed so fast. i kept telling myself i have more time. but here i am.. running out of time.... 

honesty a bit sad and disappointed in myself. I’m not where i want to be with the things i want to accomplish. i’m hoping i will be able to pull myself together really soon.. because i really need to pull myself together really soon before i loose everything.. 

on thing i’m pretty disappointed in myself for is that fact that i lost weight but gained it all back. heh....

something i can say i’m proud of today is that i am progressing in my journey to learn korean. i can sound out sentences now.. no idea what they say and mean ususally, but reading is the first steppppp. 

new “events”  ALEX IS BACK.  kelly and i went to visit him for a day and a half in SD. he will be coming this weekend/next week. im happy about it.

im really happy about all the friends i have. so many people that’ve been in my life for a good amount of time.. and everyone is so kind and supportive. 

true love to my friends. 💖

oh, and i started playing animal crossing again last night.. just a little.  OH, and i started watching shows/dramas again.. kinda.. not really back to binging yet.. kind of glad i dont binge anymore and kinda glad that i’m slowly getting back into old hobbies. 

now to get on new routines. .. 

OOOOOOH,. and i have an espresso machine.. that i replaced. casue the one i bought in december broke.best purchase ever.  Finally understanding how essential caffeine is to me functioning daily... heh. 

nothing else i guess.  lots of new kmusic . rnb style. not pop. and sad boi music. .-. 

yeh. and got some house plants. 

also should start buying myself flowers more often. it’s sad but also nice. hahahahahah.

i might be going crazy. 

def buzzed right now tho. 

HAPPY ST PATTys, 

gnight 😘