#im usually better at hetting myself out of these spirals but now its so mjch harder and i just. miss the other places and ppl i call home | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pepprs · 5 years ago

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hi still doing not that great but im better today i guess like at least i didn’t have another coronavirus nightmare last night and i have been reassured (although not convincingly) that i have not in fact ruined everything so that’s something although again i am Not Convinced. i was just gonna say something else and now i forgot it so im just gonna post this and go i guess

#purrs #it was something abt like. how long this is gonna take or how normal isnt ever gonna be normal again idk. my memory is in shambles lately im #actually getting scared like i keep forgetting insights and shit and i hate that.#anyways this wasnt what i was gonna post abt but like. i absolutely HATE how i need to be convinced and reassured that im not a burden!!!!!#tht asking for the things i need and wanting the things i want like.. doesnt strain anythinf. bc especially now that the future is floating #i feel like it does and to ask for ppls time and energy makes me feel so guilty and i just. am losing myself and doubting everything i guess #its so stupid. and then when ppl are like what what are u talking abt ur not a burden why would u even think that then i feel WORSE!!! cuz #like now im burdening u by reveali ng tjat i feel like im butdening u!!!! FUCK #im usually better at hetting myself out of these spirals but now its so mjch harder and i just. miss the other places and ppl i call home #this could b yrs and i dont know if i can take it. OH YEAH THATS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY ok i’ll shut up after this i swear #the thought was: what the fuck. like what would have happened if id... made it out into the world before all this. i dont know how to drive #i dont know how to take care of mysekf and like. idk what would have happened if id have been living on my own or in a r/s w someone #and what if thise thingsare never the same or theres just not a need for certain rites of passage anymore bc the world as we know jt will b #so vastly and profoundly different. like what if we have to wear masks forever. and always keep 6 ft apart. what if i never hug anykne #outside of my family ever again or go back to campus or move out of here or like. k*ss someone or learn how to drive or go back to brighton #i am going ✈️✈️✈️ CRAZY!!!!! ok im done. this shit is messing w me so baddddd i hate it here theres no ground to stand on and im losing my s #also thank u 2 everyone wjo reached oht sorry i havent written back uet. it means a lot im just a mess #also i do know bow to take care of myself.. i just did for 7 weeks lol. im forgetting brighton and thats terrifying to me

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