#im trying to play it cool but I am ABSOLUTELY losing my mind

[donnerpartyofone]

i find you unimaginably cool and ive expressed to you before on anon the sentiment that i feel a deep kinship towards you for how you speak so candidly abt your own stupidity (pls dont take that as me calling you stupid) bcuz i feel exactly the same way abt my own stupidity and hate when ppl try to talk me out of it but ANYways i just saw your post abt writing a novelization of splice and i am literally reeling. i love that weird ass movie so much and i think writing a novelization of it is one of the most off the wall and amazing things ive ever heard of. i hope that you will share when it is published bcuz i cannot wait to read it. pls know that someone out there understands you (or at least understands you as best as someone can thru this parasocial lens of tumblr and how you choose to share yourself there) and that someone out there thinks you are basically what i hope i can be when i grow up. thank you for sharing. thank you for articulating yourself as well as you do (i too have the itch to tell you you are not stupid but bcuz i know how it is i wont do it but besides that, i think you are one of the clearest and most well articulated writers ive ever encountered online or elsewhere). sorry, this all feels insane to type. im off two tallboy ipas and i just think youre great.

Dearest Correspondent,

Oddly enough, just the other day somebody liked an older post of mine, and when I clicked on it to remind myself of what it was, the next post down was your last message. Anyway, thanks! The whole novelization business is really funny. Do people even know what they are anymore? I didn't know anybody still made them until I was hired to do SPLICE. I used to get them from the drugstore sometimes when I was a kid because my parents were very uptight about what I watched, but they wouldn't be caught dead restricting anyone's reading habits. During my initial conversation with the SPLICE publisher, we kind of bonded over our memories of the CHILD'S PLAY 2 novelization, of all things, that seemed to help me a lot in addition to my ideas about what SPLICE should be like on paper. I tend to think of novelizations as just another piece of merch, but when you write them, I don't know, like you really have to live out the movie in your mind over and over again to figure out what the characters are experiencing physically, environmentally, how their emotional experiences affect their bodies, etc. You have to fill in the blanks of what they think and sense just enough to make your transcription convincing, while staying within certain bounds to honor what the filmmaker meant to say. SPLICE started as kind of a lark for me, and then almost immediately it became extremely personal; when I was nearing the end of my first draft I thought, "OK, well, I guess everyone is about to find out how insane I am." I was afraid it just sounded "crazy" and wouldn't be what the publisher was expecting. But after I turned it in, the surprise encouragement I got from actual-Vincenzo Natali was pretty amazing, so maybe it's good! Maybe you really CAN'T tell how crazy I am, and it's just very entertaining. You'll have to wait and see.

Parasocial relationships are tricky, huh, especially here on tumblr dot com. The best thing you can do for yourself is just be very aware that they are happening within you, a test you seem to have passed. I think a lot of us come here seeking understanding of our weirdest parts, but the more you put out there to find the people who get what you're saying, you simultaneously get a lot of reminders that most people have no idea what you're talking about. There will be people who seem to hate you because they've misunderstood you, and there will also be people who love you but whose interactions prove that they have absolutely no idea what you're communicating. I recently culled a bunch of followers because they were just creating a lot of noise, even though they may have meant well, and I was losing the clarity I needed to keep doing this. I started to see every post as a worrisome opportunity to find out how poorly people can possibly read me, and suppressing the urge to re-explain myself every day was becoming exhausting. And ironically, around the same time, I was briefly mutuals with one of my favorite bloggers ever, and just as I thought we were becoming chummy, they unfollowed me. I didn't freak out, actually I just unfollowed them back because I was concerned about being annoying, but I did have all kinds of Thoughts about this event. I have spent a lot of time reviewing what my projections were about that person, and what my personal investment in their narrative says about me. I think there could be something good to get out of this audit, even though the whole episode is sort of embarrassing. But Tumblr definitely gives you a lot of opportunities to examine your own filters, clean them out once in a while, and get to know yourself a little better--even if other people seem to be getting to know you a little worse! You just have to stick to your own course and see what comes of it.

Uh. What the hell was I saying. I don't know! But I appreciate your messages, I feel "gotten" by them. Some of the follower upheaval recently did involve the way that I process my experience of my own stupidity out loud on here--like I know that sometimes folks are trying to be helpful by contradicting me whenever I sound "negative" (read: realistic), but being told (by strangers) how to feel about yourself and that you're wrong about your own experiences is actually really awful, confusing, frustrating, and undermining. So I don't mind being reminded that my signal is coming through for at least some people. I hope you're doing good this holiday season. I wonder what beers you had, they sound fun!

Good tidings to you,

C

PS Isn't "on here" a weird phrase? I always feel like a primate when I say it, but I have yet to find a different phrase that conveys the same thing as accurately.

[tera-91]

Half-cooked thoughts part 2

So I wrote up that last rant over several days. Most of which is still right.

Pupper 1 is healing from surgery and is not being a very good patient. Taking the medication has become better once we figured out how to hide them in food. But also said pup is definitely feeling better and is trying to do things which should be done at a later stage in healing. We still need to just walk and take things slow, but this little tazmanian wants to just run and play.

The other needs a recheck. Im hoping that we having gained much weight back. Because of pup 1 I havnt been able to take pup 2 on as many walks that we probably should be going on. We had been doing so well with losing or at least maintaining weight and not gaining. But now that I have typed this, when I take the pupper in for a weight check it will be higher …

The part from the last rant that is kind of wrong has more so to do with my job. I listened to other people both family and co-workers, I tried to speak to the manager to see if we could come to a better understanding as it one put it there is mis-communication on both sides. I am in a position I absolutely hate. This manager seems to just focus on insignificant parts and talks in circles. So I might still have a job and I might not. It was clear as mud in the conversation. I wont know until the next schedule comes out and even then it sounded like it wouldn’t be back to “normal” amount of hours, just something to keep me on payroll as the manager said they have to speak to another manager.

I guess if I keep my job and we come to a little bit of a better understanding cool but if not I feel like that conversation sort of justified my leaving in the first place.

I guess on the bright side. While I hurry up and wait anyway. It will give me a little bit of distance and I can try to accomplish other things. Which would be great as I just found out it is unlikely for me to qualify for aid as I go to school to try for a better job. Im going to start the process to appeal it to get someone to give it a second look but the first year wont really be a problem for me as I don’t need many classes so the cost wont be crazy. At least I hope. I have some saved up. But when I get into the actual program, if I understand it correctly is like 10k. I’m not sure if that is total or per semester. Which if its total I may be able to do a semester or two but otherwise without somekind of financial help I wont be able to do.  So I either need this job or figure something out in the next handful of months if the appeal doesn’t pan out.

I wont be twiddling my thumbs the whole time as I wait to find out. Or at least I say that. I have lists upon lists of things that I need to do or ideas I can pursue. I need to just not procrastinate and do them.

The problem sometimes though is I don’t know if I’m actually procrastinating or if I’m just burnt out. Like sure I have a list of all the videos I can make of the current recordings I have. I also have a list of chores that need to be done around the house to keep it clean and upkeep. I have a third list of items I need to buy at the store. I could probably make a list of video ideas that I would have to write scripts for. I could also probably write a list of stories with basic info of how it should go. Plus I need to finish my book. I made a promise to someone that I would have that thing finished and published in just over a year from now.

But honestly.

Right now my brain wants to do all those things to a point of I don’t know where I want to start. To edit I need time. Which I need to wait for the pupper to be taking a nap. To write I need other projects to not be bugging my mind. To clean/upkeep I need to figure out a place to start. I am bad at time management I never know how much time something will take me. Usually how it goes is if I feel like something will take me a long time, it doesn’t. If I feel like something will take me a short time, it doesn’t. But If I think something will take a short time so I decide it will take a long time, it doesn’t, I was right the first time it doesn’t take that long.

So then I just get to a point where all I want to do is to binge watch TV shows or Youtube videos.

Well anyway. Today is a new day. I have already written almost a thousand words.

I only have one more shift before I am in limbo. At least it’s a short one so I have the rest of the day to work on things.

Maybe I can look over my lists and make a small list. Get at least one item from each list done. The weather is nice. Might get a thing or two done out there. The weather lately has made it really difficult to keep the outside from being chaotic. Right now part of the yard has been taken over by wild flowers. Normally I would really like this, to feed the various insects and animals. But these flowers are really tall ones and I know I have a snake taking up residence in that area. A good snake, but still I would like to see it for when my pups are out there so we can keep a friendly distance from each other.

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Dirk Strider, Jake English

Meat, page 5

DAVE: bro im watching you on the tube and i gotta say

DAVE: while the beatdown you just received was as thorough as it was humiliating im afraid as usual the solution to this problem should probably not involve your decapitation

DAVE: you fucking drama queen

DIRK: Damn.

DIRK: Are you sure?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: jake just kicked your ass

DAVE: thats really all there is to say on the matter

DIRK: You’re probably right.

DIRK: But still not entirely sure we should be so quick to rule out my beheading as a catchall solution to any given problem.

DIRK: It really could save us all a lot of trouble in the future. Especially me.

DAVE: its really amazing how this meme we have going here continues to be exactly as funny as the day it was established

DIRK: Isn’t it always though?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: by the way

DAVE: how DID you get your ass kicked so bad

DAVE: jake sucks and his raps are fucking awful

DAVE: please tell me this garbage show is as rigged as it looks

DIRK: Dave, there’s such a thing as showmanship.

DIRK: I’m sure I don’t need to explain this to you, of all people.

DAVE: ok cool its fake just making sure

DIRK: Sigh.

DIRK: We really don’t like to use that word.

DAVE: lmao ok

DIRK: Holding back a little to achieve certain results doesn’t necessarily mean you’re participating in a farce or rigging the event.

DIRK: We do this all the time. We hold back our thoughts, our true feelings, our full potential. We disguise how much we know about what and when, for many purposes. To ease relations, to let others behave naturally and make up their minds without undue intervention. To wait for the right moments to show our hands, to pick our battles.

DIRK: In life, there are many reasons to show restraint, which would never be regarded as an attempt to rig reality.

DAVE: oof

DAVE: my dog you are full of some SHIT today arent you

DIRK: Absolutely.

DIRK: And when it comes to theater, there are just as many reasons for restraint. To build tension. To set the stage. To give the people someone to root against.

DAVE: is that what youre doing now

DAVE: making people root against you

DIRK: What, by losing a round? No, man. That’s just standard pacing stuff when it comes to battlecraft.

DAVE: no i mean by holding up the whole fight by talking to me

DAVE: i can see you on tv

DAVE: theyre booing you dude

DIRK: Oh.

DIRK: Then yes, I guess that is what I’m doing.

JAKE: Dirk are you going to be much longer with your telephone call?

JAKE: The crowd is getting feisty... you didnt get too badly winded from our last scrum did you dirk?

DIRK: Haha, no Jake. I’m fine. I’ll just be a minute.

JAKE: What about the agitated rabble? Theyre starting to throw things.

DIRK: I don’t know. Do a dance or something. Sing a song.

DIRK: They love anything you do.

JAKE: Ummm.

JAKE: Ok sounds stupid but ill try.

DAVE: why do you want people to hate you so much

DAVE: its fucked up

DIRK: You’re reading way too much into it.

DIRK: If I wanted another round of embarrassingly indulgent and mutually masturbatory psychoanalysis, I would have called my daughter instead.

DAVE: hm

DAVE: do i need to point out how fucking weird what you just said was or can that start going without saying at this point

DIRK: I think it can go without saying.

DAVE: nice

DIRK: The point is, playing myself up as a villain figure in this hacky rap pageant has nothing to do with getting people to dislike me. Besides, everyone loves a good villain. When they boo, they don’t really mean it.

DIRK: I think you’d be surprised by how popular I actually am.

DAVE: i dunno man

DAVE: did...

DAVE: did someone just throw a diaper at you

DIRK: There’s gonna be some diapers, yeah.

DAVE: sounds bad

DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma.

DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital.

DAVE: political capital

DAVE: what the fuck are...

DAVE: ok how long have you known about the jane thing

DAVE: i mean is this something you have been planning for like

DAVE: a long time or

DIRK: Planning is such an intense word.

DAVE: god damn it

DIRK: Look, let’s just say there have been some conversations.

DIRK: Does that meet with your approval?

DAVE: jane is a shitty candidate dude

DAVE: shes going to be so shitty

DIRK: I thought you’d feel that way.

DIRK: I respectfully disagree.

DAVE: i get shes a good friend of yours and all but even you have to admit how far up her own ass she is

DIRK: Of course. I consider it to be among her best qualifications for the job.

DAVE: christ

DAVE: ok if nothing else have you at least taken into account the DEVASTATION to the economy this will cause???

DIRK: You know perfectly well how much we differ on fiscal policy.

DIRK: Maybe this isn’t the best time for one of our epic debates on the subject?

DAVE: yeah what was i thinking

DAVE: wasting the time of the dude currently holding up a televised rap contest so bad hes gettin diapers thrown at him

DIRK: Dave, I think if you search your soul, you’ll come to the same conclusion I have. Jane is just what this planet needs.

DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition.

DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place.

DAVE: i know that

DAVE: which is why actually i think it would be cool to have a president that is good instead of bad

DIRK: He’s not as great as you think.

DAVE: what

DAVE: who

DAVE: obama??

DAVE: how dare you

DIRK: No, fool.

DIRK: Karkat.

DAVE: oh

DIRK: I think your heart is in the right place, but the dude is a complete amateur.

DIRK: He’ll get eaten alive. I also have a hard time imagining he even wants the job.

DIRK: Really, it’s an awful idea for him to even run. Think about how much it’s going to inflame the interspecies tensions on this planet. Is that what you want?

DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly.

DAVE: wait

DAVE: how do you even know hes entering the race

DAVE: we like just decided this

DIRK: A competent political operative has his ways.

DIRK: Besides, it was always pretty obvious to me you’d react this way the moment the announcement was made.

DAVE: ok thats kinda creepy i guess but it doesnt change anything

DAVE: hes running for president and hes going to fuckin win end of story

DIRK: Fair enough.

DAVE: though now im wondering

DAVE: since you and jane have been planning this for a while how many key endorsements have you locked up

DAVE: cause if youve already got jake on your side then i guess we might as well just fucking quit

DIRK: I wouldn’t worry about that.

DIRK: He and I don’t quite have the rapport we once did.

DIRK: He’s “over me” and doesn’t spare opportunities to make ostentatious demonstration of this claim.

DAVE: um

DIRK: Basically he doesn’t like being told what to do. Especially not by me.

DIRK: So it’s fair to say as of now, he’s still fully in play.

DIRK: Not that I should be encouraging you, really.

DAVE: you are one doubletalking son of a bitch you know that

DAVE: i cant tell if you dont want us to run or are reverse psychology mindfucking us into running

DIRK: Does it matter?

DAVE: i guess not

DAVE: not like i can just stand around and wait for president crocker to like

DAVE: write fucking grammar laws into the constitution

DIRK: Good.

DIRK: That’s a heroic attitude to have, which I’m pleased to hear. Even if your plan is stupid, which it is, and even if Karkat would be an atrocious president, which he would.

DAVE: nuh uh

DIRK: Sorry to cut this short, but diapers are starting to come down pretty hard right now, and some of them haven’t even had their babies removed.

DAVE: what

DIRK: That was a joke.

DIRK: Goodbye, Dave.

DIRK: Sorry for the momentary diversion, Jake. Now where were we?

JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks man you were on the phone for half a friggin hour!

JAKE: I know you like to get the crowd all hot and bothered but we are supposed to be professionals here!

DIRK: You’re right, my bad. Won’t happen again.

DIRK: How about you kick off the next round?

DIRK: I bet this crowd will settle its shit right down the moment you drop the latest rhymes you’ve been tinkering with.

DIRK: You know the ones.

JAKE: Gasp.

JAKE: You dont mean...

DIRK: Oh. But I DO.

JAKE: Tally ho its me, jake mcgee!

JAKE: Popping my pistols off, two shots and a kiss

JAKE: My aim is tops, i never miss

JAKE: One shot to the heart and the other to your lips

JAKE: Im heedless

JAKE: You cant impede this

JAKE: While these cads are all hat and very little cattle

JAKE: Cattle so weak one fears they might be feedless!

JAKE: As i prattle and digress you try to make your egress

JAKE: In the middle of the battle, but surely ye jest?

JAKE: FIDDLE FADDLE!

JAKE: My rhymes are known to bring the rattle

JAKE: I rattle those bones right down to the bit

JAKE: Im a mellifluous old chap who knows how to take a hit

JAKE: Im the tip...

JAKE: Tip top of the morning!

JAKE: A rip roaring halt to your snoring

JAKE: Like pouring butter on bacon

JAKE: Their hunger awakens!

JAKE: All the rascally scalawags

JAKE: And dastardly jackanapes

JAKE: Always ask of me, mate what is shaking?

JAKE: With golden gas pipes such as jake-eng’s

JAKE: Im dodging their shade and ducking their jape-slings

JAKE: While my rump stokes a thirst that my rhymes have been slaking!

JAKE: When the splendid lads and ladies ask me “how do you do?” i -

DIRK: Whoops. Jake, sorry to cut you off...

DIRK: Looks like I’m getting another call. Really need to take this one.

DIRK: Gonna have to wrap this battle up sooner than scheduled.

DIRK: Yo Rose, what’s up?

[realityandrebirth]

jon colton barry (head writer of lego city adventures I’m pretty sure) retweeted my freya/sandra fic on twitter, congrats lego lesbians for your rights

[asteriismos]

flashing lights — bill denbrough

pairing: bill denbrough x fem! reader

warning(s): smut, eighteen! bill denbrough, is it choking if he doesn’t squeeze?, fingering, piv sex, cursing, ig kinda degrading idk tho judge for yourself, unedited

summary: bill, the star baseball player of derry, and you, from another high school, meet in the locker room and get to know each other. 

words: 3.1k

note: don’t say i never gave you anything i am a woman of my word

sitting here in the bleachers adjacent to the baseball field, with the setting sun in your gaze and the feeling of newly spring wind on your skin, you had high hopes that your schools baseball team would win. out of all the schools in lieu with your own, bangor high school, derry’s team was the most anticipated of in the season. where most high schools in the nation favored the fall sport of football, the central part of maine where you lived actually liked baseball more, so when the first sprouts of spring showed, everyone was excited for the next season. 

you were a senior, almost finished with school and personally tasked yourself and your group of friends with trying to go to every single baseball game that you all could make it to - whether they were at home or away. 

“look, he’s up to bat,” your friend marcella said, catching your attention by lightly tapping your shoulder and motioning to the field. there you saw your close friend owen, who was the star player of your school’s team and one of your friends since you were a little kid. he was the person who introduced you to the group that you were here with now, here specifically to cheer him on. 

you saw him walk to home plate, bat in hand and getting into position to swing. your eyes took you across from him to the pitcher of the other team, who you didn’t know but could see the name displayed on the back of his shirt. denbrough. you raised your eyebrow at the last name, it didn’t ring a bell. 

the crowd started to cheer for your friend, waiting for denbrough to throw the first pitch. everything became silent, and the ball was thrown with stellar accuracy. whoever this denbrough boy was, he was seemingly a really good pitcher. when the second ball was thrown and owen missed yet again, your hand ran through your hair nervously. you could hear people whispering all around you, wondering if he was going to strike out. 

just as if someone of the heavens was listening to the anxious worries of your fellow classmates, denbrough went to throw the ball and owen swung and the ball went flying, going straight for the outfield as owen ran with all his might to first base. you cheered with your friends, yelling words of encouragement and praise towards your team. 

the game, from that point, was in your high schools favor. it was seemingly decided almost halfway through that bangor high school had it in the bag, which did nothing for any person in your crowds ego. just as the last inning was finished, your school came out victorious. 

“hopefully this means that we’re going to the championships this year,” you heard people say. “and maybe we can host it at our school so we don’t have to drive all the way out here again.” 

you were anxious to see your friend, running down the stairs of the bleachers and shouting his name, but owen didn’t hear you. sighing, you turned to your group to say, “should we get back home?” the team would have to come back by bus anyways, which sucked, because you wanted to congratulate your friend on such a good win. 

“yeah, probably before it gets too late, you know how bad those backroads are,” jake stated. “do you want to catch a ride with me? im sure marcella can take your car back.” 

half of you wanted to go with them and just see owen later, but to you, it felt like poor taste to make him wait that long. plus, maybe you could catch him before he left. you shook your head, “no, i’ll stay. i want to see the team. go without me, I'll see you tomorrow.” 

jake laughed. “okay, just don’t get lost.” he wiggled his eyebrows in a teasing manner and walked away, taking your friends with him and leaving you alone in the front of derry high school. 

you had been here once before, just for a short while and after a baseball game like right now. but that was all the way back during freshman year when you were trying to find the bathroom, you really had no idea where the locker rooms were. 

opening the large door, you started along the main hallway, looking at the posters that aligned the wall that reminded you of your own school. derry was really similar in layout, so perhaps it wouldn’t be that hard. turning the corner, you saw a sign that pointed to the gym and the locker rooms. in no time you were there, but there was no one coming out of the doors. had they already left and you missed them? it was silent. 

you put your ear to the door and listened, hearing some rustling. you knocked, but there was no answer, making you raise your eyebrow. and you don’t exactly know what prompted you to open the wooden door and make your way inside, but you did, and along the array of closed lockers, your eyes took you to the one person who was in there. 

it was the denbrough pitcher. 

you got a good look of him now, with his honeyed locks that fell messy on his forehead, standing taller than you. his back was slightly turned to you and through his jersey you could see his toned back muscles, making you lose yourself for a moment and send you almost stumbling over your feet. you knew that he was attractive from the moment you set your eyes on him but you didn’t know that he was this attractive. 

he turned around now and immediately those dazzling cerulean blue eyes landed on you, making your face heat up in realizing that this was not the visitors locker room like you had intended on trying to find. 

“sorry,” you fumbled out after a moment of shameless staring. “I was looking for my friend.” denbrough tilted his head to the side and you watched him take out a bag and push his locker door closed. instead of walking out like you should’ve, you just stood there watching him. it was in poor taste, since the longer you looked at him, you could see clearly that he was angry. 

a tiny grin came to his face. “it’s fine, no one’s in here except me anyways.” a silent moment passed and then a quizzical look came to his face, eyes falling back on you. “wait . . . weren’t you cheering on the other team?” he had noticed you, just as you were now noticing him. the room seemed a lot smaller than it had earlier and you ignored the fluttering feeling in your stomach the longer he stared at you. you didn’t even know his name. 

“yeah, it was a good game,” you shrugged your shoulders. 

“we should’ve won that game.” 

a cocky grin splayed on your features. “well, im sure you’ll get another shot next time.” you would have to play them again to secure a spot in the championships, it was still rather early in the season anyways. 

“will you be at the next game?” denbrough asked, he walked closer to you now, and there was a look in his eyes that was not easy to mistake. he was looking at you like you were a full course meal and he was the hungriest man on earth. and you liked the way that he looked at you, this gorgeous boy that you had barely met, and you wanted him to keep looking at you like that. well, you would rather him be doing other things. “maybe we could go do something together afterwards.” now you were certain of his likeness for you. 

you gave him a smirk. “well, i don’t know about that, i wouldn’t want to get involved with the opposing team.” when he noticed you were directly giving back the same energy he was giving, his feet stopped so he was just inches away from you. it took everything in you to keep yourself from grabbing him by those large muscles and - 

in a moment of weakness or just pure idiocy, you did exactly as you thought, lunging yourself forward, hands reaching for his face and pulling him into a searing kiss. when he reciprocated your movements, you had to stop another smirk from rising to your face, pushing it down and focusing on your hands that made it’s way to his soft hair. 

your kiss was unexpected by denbrough, though seemingly not unwelcome since his hands found their place exploring your sides, not being exactly gentle with his touches which you didn’t mind. this was so unlike you, doing something like this with someone you didn’t know. and to be honest, it was unlike him, too. 

but both of you were giving each other the ‘fuck me’ eyes and well, you only live once, right? 

as the kiss became more sloppy and he broke it to press kisses to your jawline and trailing down your neck, you breathed out and closed your eyes. “I don’t even know your name.” you sighed into his touches though, not really caring what his name was but knowing that it would probably be useful sometime soon. 

denbrough came back up to meet your gaze. “it’s bill,” he gave you a grin. “pleasure to meet you.” there was a sense of teasing in his tone, which you would’ve laughed at if his hands weren't reaching for where your shirt met your pants. 

“y/n,” you said weakly, already feeling your legs start to give out by the way that he was looking at you. you reached out to bill, wanting to feel his body pressed against yours again. he chuckled at your eagerness, giving you what you wanted by slowly pushing you against the lockers behind you. you felt the cool metal through your shirt and instantly realized how hot it was getting in this locker room, your skin was already on fire. 

bill reattached his lips to your skin and you spent the time trying to undo the belt that was around his pants that nicely accentuated everything that you wanted from him. thank god for baseball pants. 

tentatively, you pressed your hips against his and you heard a groan leave his throat, his lips stalling for a moment and then going back to his earlier movements. you were well aware of how excited he was, taking a moment to note that you could feel that he was absolutely fucking enormous. 

of course he was. 

as if he had enough of this teasing, his hand reached down and went straight under the band of your pants, being met with the wetness that was gathering in your panties. you bucked your hips forward into his hand and he smirked at how compliant you seemed to be with him. his other hand was gripping your side, keeping you close to him while the other pushed your panties to the side and the pad of his pointer finger came into contact with your slit. 

you moaned out and bill covered your mouth with his own, not kissing you but keeping it there. “so tell me,” he said, breath hot against you, finger tracing a line from your slick folds to your clit, making you almost keel over if it hadn’t been for his hand keeping you up and body pressing you farther into the locker. “this friend of yours, he was on your team wasn’t he?” 

you nodded, not trusting your voice. but he didn’t seem to like that, his hand stalling and not moving no matter how much you tried to gain friction. 

“answer me with words,” the hand on your side coming up to the bottom of your throat so you were forced to look at him in the face, those blue eyes on him seemingly had become darker. 

you took in a sharp breath. “yes,” you answered. his movements started again, but this time he took one finger and pushed it inside you till he was knuckle deep in, a large moan falling off of your tongue, eyes rolling to the back of your skull. 

“and how do you think he would feel seeing you like this for me? the star player of the other team?” bill’s tone was condescending and you wondered if he was normally like this, or he was just angry about the outcome of the game. his finger sped up, soon being joined with another one that slipped in with ease. you were so wet for him already. “but you wouldn’t care, would you?” 

it was seemingly rhetorical, because he didn’t wait for you to answer and instead attached his lips to your throat, teeth grazing a point that had you gasping, hand coming and tugging on those locks of his, the other falling to his neck. 

“bill,” you muttered. “please just-” you were cut off by a moan, gripping him close as his thumb came into contact with your clit and rubbed tight circles against it. 

he looked up at you from the mess he was creating on your neck. “please what?” 

“just fuck me.” 

you were really in no position to be making such requests since bill seemed to be in control (which really, you didn’t mind if it meant that he was making you feel good in the process), but at this point you were too strung out to care what he thought of the rather forward request. you knew that you needed him and you needed him now. 

bill pulled away from you and you took in his now ragged features, noticing the tint of red in his cheeks and the freckles that dotted them, and the goldenness that he seems to radiate. in some ways you hoped that this wouldn’t be your only encounter with the denbrough boy, but that was something to worry about later, since his hands were undoing the rest of his belt and you knew that was your cue to do the same with your own pants. 

soon enough you were back in the same position, one of his hands next to your head on the locker behind you as he moved to position his cock at your entrance, eyes meeting with yours as he pushed in to look at your reaction. and it was everything that he hoped to see, your mouth opening into an ‘o’ shape, lips parted and eyes never leaving his own. 

once he bottomed out, he already started a fast rhythm, giving you little to no time to adjust. but you were so needy you didn’t care, not one bit because he was making you feel so good that you wished for this moment to last forever. and you were already so wet and willing, bill couldn’t wait a second longer. 

your hands gripped onto his forearms, steadying yourself, but it was hard to keep your legs from giving out. bill must've noticed your struggle and leaned down, grabbing you by the back of your thighs and hoisting you up in his arms, using the leverage of the locker to fuck into you. 

the change in position made you quiver in his arms like putty, arms wrapping around his neck and caging him close to you. incoherent words fell from your mouth that wouldn’t close no matter how hard you tried, while his pace became fast, rough, and unrelenting. you didn’t know bill well but you could tell that he was adamant about making you feel good, which fueled the fire inside of you even more. 

if he was tired from playing the game, he didn’t even show it. bill fucked into you with such a frenzy that it was almost animalistic, which made you wonder how much energy this boy possibly had. what you didn’t know was it was your moans what were spurring him on, your moans that kept him going. bill had already been to point of exhaustion from the game but you were able to give him a second wind and he was not fucking up this one like he had fucked up in the game. his determination both of the field and in this moment caught up with him and well, he was bringing all of his emotion out. 

and you loved it so much that you couldn’t think straight. all you could do was try and keep yourself still, words stringing together into barely put together sentences of oh fuck yes and that feels so good. 

it was a moment of pure bliss that you didn’t even feel yourself start to clench around him, noticing it finally when you felt every inch of him scrape against your willing walls, bringing you closer to that cliff into a sea of pleasure that only he could give you. what finally made you break was the groans that he was making, which were hot and heavy and like heaven to your ears that you knew you would be playing on repeat before you went to sleep tonight. 

and then his hand slipped between your legs, pressing up against your swollen clit and that was it. you were sent into a state of pure, fucked out bliss as you came around him, your moans everything but silent. luckily there seemed to be no one around to hear, and if they did they didn’t bother with stopping it.

a few thrusts afterwards and with an insistent command from you to cum inside you because you were on the pill, bill came undone and it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen in his life. as if this boy couldn’t get more perfect, haven been basically sent to you on a gift from god himself. he pulled out and you could feel the evidence slightly dripping out of you and onto your thighs. 

there was a moment of cleaning up, where he actually grabbed a towel from his locker and helped you wipe away everything and eventually sit down onto the bench between the sides of lockers. where you thought would be awkwardness, there wasn’t, a few words passed between the two of you and then you told him that you should go, you had to drive home. 

surprisingly, he asked if you needed help and then you remembered you barely knew him and shook your head. it was late anyways, he probably had things to do. 

and when you got control of your limbs again (which bill cheekily smirked at), you walked out of the high school, him trailing behind you. you gave him one last look before parting ways, and in the heat of the moment, you told him your number and to call him if he ever wanted to get together again. 

[you-did-well-moon]

Day6 Reaction to s/o learning their instrument while they're away

Type: Fluff, angst in Dowoon dont know what happened wasnt me

Word Count: 2.865

A/n: I took some creative freedom with why they were away but that is it. Keep in mind, I have no experience with instrument except for when I played the piano in 5th grade for like two weeks. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! - Moon

TW: small cuts, fight, second hand embarrassment

Sungjin

Sungjin was absolutely and devastatingly exhausted. His own guitar case felt like it was weighing him down tremendously, and he had a huge headache. Jae and Wonpil arguing in the back of the car was not helping in any way. It has been going on since they left the airport. He rubbed at his temples tiredly pressing his head against the cool window from his place in the passenger seat next to their manager. 

Still, he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips as he thought about seeing you, probably curled up in the couch cheeks puffed from the snack you were inhaling. The pounding in his head lightened at the cute sight he would soon get to enjoy as he played with the loose threads of his old button up shirt. 

True to Sungjin’s imagination, your form was sitting on the couch. Not true to his imagination, you were actually bent over something in your lap, lightly humming and bopping your head to the rhythm being produced by your still clumsy fingers. The guitar in your lap had gotten lighter as the days went by without your boyfriend, and in replacement of his touch, leaving your fingertips warm and tingling, it was small cuts you hadn’t bothered to bandage as it disrupted you when playing.

 You missed Sungjin an abnormal amount. The cold spot in the bed or him making weird faces at you through the mirror in the mirror when brushing your teeth. You missed all of it. With a slight tremble in your chest you started playing the chorus to “You Were beautiful”.

You were so focused on trying to get it right you didn’t notice the door closing only to startle when you slightly looked up through your lidded eyes seeing the shadow looming over the coffee table. With a small yelp of surprise you jumped immediately looking up only to find your boyfriend staring at you with wide eyes. 

His surprised expression made you shrink into yourself. You threw your head into your hands in pure embarrassment letting the guitar gently slide off your lap, hitting the floor with a soft thump. “Can you just pretend you didn’t see that I can’t believe I even tried learning all that by myself I” you cut yourself off with an un-pleased sigh shaking your head and looking at him with pleading eyes. 

Your boyfriend continued in his frozen state for about five seconds before breaking out in the biggest smile rushing around the coffee table in which you panicked trying to get away from him with a squeal, but being too slow im the excitement that was usually in a much dormant state in Sungjin. The wrinkles near the corner of his eyes deepened adoringly, and his chest shook with soft laughter while he held you close. 

There was a fond twinkle in his eye as Sungjin forgot any tiredness that clung to his bones and kissed the tips of your fingertips while maintaining eye contact. He kept your hands encased in his when scolding you for having such low faith in yourself and softly encouraging you. He would probably put little stitch band-aids on your fingertips and continue teaching you, sitting you on his lap and scolding you when you lose focus with a sharp poke at your ribs smiling when you giggled. This man just fell impossibly more in love with you.

“You shouldn’t say those things, look at you love, learning all alone and doing so well. I'm so proud. Would you rather have the elmo band-aids or the stitch band-aids… I don’t know about you but Elmo kinda creeps me out. Just five more minutes little love then you can go mug Young k with Dowoon. Don’t look at me like that! You finally have a teacher and you take him for granted. The audacity-”

Jae

Jae was a thin hair away from just ripping his hair out. He didn’t believe the kpop industry would take very kindly to him going bald, but he had come to a point where he didn’t really care about what people thought anymore. But thinking about you not being able to play with his hair anymore while he drifted off to sleep with his head on your chest severely upset him.

 Jae had gotten stuck in another limbo, stuck in the studio and in his own head desperately trying to finish any of the unfinished songs left in his computer files. He missed you so much, he eventually called it quits, deciding to go home to you, who he hadn’t seen in days.

Just the thought about seeing you energized his previously exhausted self. He never could get sick of you. Every day, every week was a new adventure, a new chapter, all with his favorite person in the world. The night sky, although beautiful, seemed to mock him, reminding him of how late it was, meaning you were most probably asleep. 

Opening the door to his apartment, he heard soft music. He briefly recognized “I Need Somebody”, and thought you were playing it from your phone. All his thoughts came to a halting stop when he saw you perched on the bed, in his shirt, playing the melody of the previously mentioned song.

You had hair falling into your eyes with your eyebrows slightly scrunched trying not to mess up and heavily focused. Jae had loudly yelled in surprise, causing you to flinch and look up shocked at the sudden surprise. When you saw it was just him, you had comically thrown your hands in the air yelling at him about how it was supposed to be a surprise. 

The irritated look on your face vanished as you went up to give him a light hug with a kiss, softly smiling at him. Meanwhile Jae, was completely out of it, lovestruck eyes while he instinctively returned your affection.

“Come Jae, you look like you haven’t slept in ages, your eyes are so sunken babe”, you had softly whispered to him, rubbing the soft skin under his eyes, the way you were always soft with him when he came back from the studio. You slept in the same bed for the first time in what had been days, Jae tightly clutching on to you.

 He may have not been completely there at the moment, but in the morning when he had time to process everything, he was a changed man. He wouldn’t stop laughing and giggling excitedly, eagerly wanting to hear everything you had learnt. He even poked fun at you when you made a mistake. But it was all lovingly as he also praised you non stop while looking at you with his messy hair and big smile next to you on the couch. He had so much inspiration now. To finish what had been left behind.

“Pop off queen who gave you this much talent, you couldn’t even tell me what bass was last time we talked, which was like a week ago. Might just make you play when I don’t feel like playing. Give you a wig and people won’t know the difference! Why are you booing me, I'm right?”

Young K

Young K’s foot tapping on the floor of the car was the only sound that filled the car aside from the soft sound of the car’s engine and tires. He was absolutely spent, having to have stayed in a different city for a show he was invited to that was filmed far away from his home. 

Far away from you. Young K could tell his manager was starting to get irritated, but Young K was already massively annoyed and too far in his own world to really care. He missed the pine scent of his sheets, and he missed you.

It was not a good combination. When he got to his place he quietly thanked the manager,  getting his bag before trying to ignore every urge telling him to run into the building and fall into his soft bed with you in his arms. When he opened the door, your keys were there, so he knew you were in the building. That thought filled him with more relief than it should have. 

He did have to admit, hearing “I smile” this early in the day was odd as you usually saved the more mellow songs for later in the night. Young K told himself he had many euphoric moments in his life, but seeing you staring at a sheet of paper with so much determination and a bass guitar in your arms came pretty close to the top.

The absolute warmth that exploded in his chest was a feeling he would not forget in a long time. He could feel his lips slightly curl up in fondness as your hands shook while your eyes wavered unsurely between your hands on the strings and the video on your laptop sitting further on the edge of the bed. Your face scrunched up before you sighed and stared dejectedly at the instrument on your lap. 

“Why so sad love?" His voice made you instantly sit up, pushing the instrument gently off your lap. You crawled to the edge of the bed where Young K had already gotten closer where he met you tenderly running his hand through your hair, and he curved his hand around the back of your head bringing your forehead to his abdomen.

He brushed his thumb over where your hairline met the sensitive skin of the back of your neck immensely enjoying being back at your side. Your hands were clutching the back of his shirt, and your simple touch brought a warm feeling to his chest. You both leaned back as Young K’s chest started to rumble with laughter “You should have waited for me, it would have been easier if I could teach you”, he softly said, pushing your hair back from your face causing you to lightly laugh.

 “I wanted to surprise you, but I didn’t get that far anyways. Can’t become a prodigy in one day I guess”. Young K smiled again, promising to himself to help you as much as he could as he put his hand fondly on top of your head.

“You’re doing so good, just move your finger up a little, you’re plucking the c chord instead of the e chord during the chorus, don’t look at me like that i’m trying to help?! I wouldn’t put you on my level, but I think you’re doing really well. I’m hungry now, what do you want? No- What do you want? I am okay with anything just tell me-”

Wonpil

Wonpil was trying his hardest not to think about you. From the way you got excited when you got to see the moon in the cloudy sky to the way you smiled when you saw the neighbor’s cat while getting the mail. 

He was happy to be on a trip with her sister, he hadn’t had much time to be with her in recent, well forever really. While you had been invited, you hadn’t been able to attend due to work. Wonpil did his best to keep his mind off you and enjoy the trip, he just hadn’t spent this long without you in a while. 

Even so, he still had a fun time with his sister and her boyfriend creating many memories. He didn’t regret it, but he was extremely happy to come back to you. Opening the door to your apartment, he dropped his suitcase by the door, an excited smile tugging at his lips as he traveled through the apartment with his arms spread knowing you would embrace him as soon as you saw him. He felt so giddy, he didn’t even notice the broken keyboard sounds ringing throughout the living space.

His smile fell in a comical way, his face morphing into one of confusion instead. He recognized a broken rendition of “Mary had a little Lamb”, and tilted his head as he opened the door to your room seeing you with really big headphones on your head staring down at the keyboard with the most offended look on your face.

 How dare this keyboard not give you its secrets! Wonpil couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his chest, not mocking you, but he just thought you were so cute. He lightly touched your shoulder causing you to jump, and the slight movement of your head caused the headphones to slide off your head. It didn’t matter much. You instantly dove into his arms, pressing the side of your face against his chest.

He felt warmth flood his chest as his hand encased the back of your head while he pressed his lips to the top, closing his eyes in bliss enjoying having you in his arms again. He leaned back from the brace as his eyes flashed with amusement and yours with slight embarrassment. He lightly laughed, eyes crinkling. He cradled your face in his hands, a teasing lilt to his voice, “What were you trying to do, hmm?” He could feel your face grow hot under his finger tips.

 “I was just trying to surprise you. I felt bad for not being able to go with you”. He shook his head, hands playfully pinching your cheeks as you whined. “You shouldn’t act that way, I understood from the beginning. It must have been hard for you. Here, come, your lovely boyfriend will make this easier for you”.

“Y/n the keys will not bite prEsS dOWn, no, no keyboards do not have to be oiled, this is a musical instrument not a mechanical vehicle. You are so cute. What am I gonna do with you? No, you can not play the keyboard with your forehead, DO NOT put your foot on the keys. I don’t care if it’s for the vine. 

Dowoon

Dowoon was beating himself up. Looking back at what happened a few hours ago made his chest tight. He couldn’t help but wince at the words both of you had thrown at each other. You had been with each other for so long, and when his lovely mother asked him when he would propose, although with good intentions, it put pressure on him.

 He was still young. He had mentioned it to you in a joking manner, but there was a misunderstanding and you thought he was blowing it off as he didn’t see a future with you. 

Somehow feelings were hurt, and the fight escalated. And Dowoon decided he was a coward because it was when you had started stuttering through your words and avoiding eye contact, he knew. He knew he had pushed you across a line that might not be able to be crossed again. 

He panicked. He was really good at doing that wasn’t he? He left. He took a bus and went to the nearest hotel he could find. There he was sitting on the edge of the too perfectly made bed with his head in his hands.

Had he just ruined his precious relationship because he was scared of what the future could or could not hold? Why did he have to run away? Why couldn’t he just stay? Most importantly, how badly had he hurt you?

 With a sigh he stood up, and he got on the bus back to your apartment. Staring at the door, the fact you were just on the other side and hurting is what pushed him to open it with the key you had given him. Opening the door, he was met with silence and darkness. Have you already gone? He walked through the apartment, hope dwindling with every step. 

Then he heard a soft thump thump thump. His heart seemed to match with it, and as he walked to his studio which held his spare drum set, he thought of what he could say to make it better. Opening the door, he saw you softly hitting the drum with one stick, as if testing the waters and humming along to “When you Love Someone”. Dowoon couldn’t fight the sad smile that broke out on his face, and the absolute warmth that filled his chest. 

Why did he ever even doubt your future with him? There was no person more perfect for him than you. He stood next to you, softly taking your hand in his and guiding your hand to the right beat, although a bit broken. When your sad eyes looked up into his, forgiving in nature but still frustrated beyond belief, he knew he could still fix things. You were you, and Dowoon was Dowoon. You always somehow found your way back to each other.  

“No no, put your hands higher on the stick, no lower, now higher...a bit lower. No, Y/n drum sticks do not belong in my throat. What do you mean I have no room to talk, I thought we were over the fight. I would marry you in this life and the next! Why are you looking at me like that? I am not cute, I am handsome and overflowing with testosterone. Oooh are those gummies?

[august-anon]

for alphabet! and because im predictable- A, C, and E for my two mains stede and ed

[ask game - send me more!!]

A: Aftercare | What is their aftercare like after a heavy round of tickling?:)

I am gonna do this one as a joint one instead of separating them, because i imagine at least most of this for them would be done with each other lol (and because we Know Stede is gonna want the finest aftercare for Ed, and Ed would probably pick it up in return for Stede because, wow, that feels really nice lol)

If there are any tears from the lee, wiping away of them, maybe even with a cool, damp cloth to help soothe the skin of heated blushing. Plenty of water, maybe even some of that nice brandy if they're in the mood, and some fancy snacks (esp for the lee, but for both of them really lol) one or both of them had Roach make. Then a decent amount of cuddling!

Stede would probably like to talk it through, what they both liked and disliked and why, what they want to do again, etc. Ed would humor it for a bit, and while he doesn't find it annoying/it doesn't upset him, he does wanna just relax (or make Stede relax) after and either take a nap or at least rest their eyes to get their energy back while very much entwined, and Stede certainly has no complaints about that either lol. As long as there's nothing especially pressing they need to discuss about it, he's happy to let it wait until later

C: Chase | What are their chances in a chase, both as a lee and ler?

Stede

As a lee, well, Stede is a pretty clumsy guy i think lol, he fumbles and stumbles a lot. Esp in a high energy/"dangerous" (but in the playful way) situation, he's full of adrenaline and giddiness and giggles, and it definitely puts him at a disadvantage lol. Unless he's trying really hard, or his ler is just playing with their food, he is probably not gonna last very long in a chase

As a ler, he'd probably try to pull out a few tricks to give himself an advantage, since he's not the most skilled at running and coordination while he's running. Pulling out the verbal teases, plan ahead, lure them into a part of the ship that's more complex (but he designed the thing, so of course he knows how to get around -- maybe there's even a secret passage or two for an advantage), maybe even stage a whole fuckery just to make sure he can win this one lol

Ed

As a ler, Ed is deadly in chases. He knows just how to play with your mind to get you overworked and full of anticipation, just how long to draw out the chase to really get you going, and even with his bad knee, he's not one to lose. It's a favorite game for him, a cat on the prowl, and he loves to play with his food. If he sets his sights on you, you can run all you like, but really, you're doomed in the end. You're not winning this one lol

As a lee, well, Ed is just too good at chases. He knows that. So he may or may not go on easy mode, just to make sure he gets caught within a reasonable time frame. Sometimes I imagine that backfires on him lol, going easy mode and then realizing "oh gosh i underestimated how things were gonna go this time" and then start scrambling a bit to try and save himself, and that's when the chases as a lee are real fun for him (so Stede starts taking notes lol). He just needs someone to get in his head a little first, create some actual threat so that he has all the wonderful, jittery, chase anticipation.

E: Expression | How do they express their wish to tickle/be tickled?

Stede

As a lee, he doesn't necessarily say it, but he drops hints. He's a gentleman, after all, he needs to be proper about things, even something that makes him drop all propriety as he shrieks and squeals lol. Sometimes, if he's really in a mood, the b*tchy side of his personality that we all know and love shines out and he'll be a little bratty, lightly provoking and challenging just to see where it gets him

As a ler, he will absolutely just say it lol. He'll lure his lee into private first, "can we speak in my(/our) quarters for a moment?" and then that's just part of his game, part of his style. Throw them off their rhythm lol. He likes to tease a lot through frankness and narration, so while I think when he's first figuring out his like of this and doing it with other people, he'll be much more hesitant and careful and dance around it, once he's figured himself out and knows who, where, and what he wants, he's just gonna say it straight to their face. Sometimes he'll do a bit of trickery, if he knows the person is already down for it, but also, he does want clear consent, he doesn't want to cross boundaries/make anyone upset

Ed

As a lee, he is definitely more the annoy/provoke/tease into it type. He will not outright say it, absolutely not, but he will stretch and put his feet in someone's lap and wear his crop tops around. He'll poke and jab and dole out little tickles in an invitation for revenge tenfold. He'll act all smug so someone feels the need to take him down a peg or two.

As a ler, he still won't outright say it. He'll tease, whisper in ears, corner people, taunt them with wiggling fingers through the air when they make eye contact. He makes it all a threat, builds the anticipation. Like I said, he likes to play with his food lol. He may even pull the poking and jabbing and doling out little tickles in this instance too, just to get his lee on edge and anticipating what's coming, and if you try to get revenge, he'll just destroy you right there, so you really gotta watch for the look in his eyes if he's jabbing at you lol

[icarusgf]

hi tony sorry for coming into your inbox like this but. im entering high school next year and im about to lose my mind 😭 i just have no idea what i should be doing right now or how i should be doing it. like college apps and whatnot or relatively far off but when the time comes i don't even know what to consider or how to look for anything. and really that's the only example that comes to mind because i feel like im doing nothing other than being online all day but i just don't know what i SHOULD do. and i came to you as you seem very well rounded and like you know exactly what're you doing and im just. not. ugh im really sorry about this but i just feel so lost and i really don't know what to do

hiii no worries at all!! here r some general tips but u can also check out my school tag or ask anything else <3 this got rly long so below the cut lol

don't be afraid to explore and just sign up for a lot of stuff. like genuinely if u have a club fair to explore activities at school just put urself down on the email list for anything that looks remotely interesting to u and try to go to at least one meeting. ur not committing to anything and can drop it anytime but it's nice to have a lot of options to just test the waters to see what u might like doing most.

u might feel like ur peers are way ahead of u but especially in ur first two years of hs, it is definitely not too late to start something new. i applied to and did this science summer program before junior year because it looked cool having 0 knowledge in the field i was placed in and it ended up being one of the biggest things i dedicated myself to during hs. i played a completely new sport in sophomore year bc of scheduling conflicts and it was the most fun i ever had being athletic. this guy i know started speech&debate his junior year and ended up a national champion by the time he graduated hs. sometimes people with natural talent will just always have an advantage but especially in hs i've found that most activities are accessible enough so that u can get good at them simply if u enjoy them and invest ur amount of time into them.

don't feel bad for not knowing what u want to do in the future! i didn't have any clue what i wanted to do in the future until i started actually writing my college app essays. and even since then what i want to do now has shifted so much since what i thought i was going to do then. i kind of just looked at what i'd done throughout hs, thought about what classes i enjoyed, and chose a major that aligned with that. ik people say "follow ur passion" but idt i even know what i'm passionate about now 💀 just look at ur options and choose which ones u like and everything will follow

kind of counterintuitive to the first point (but not really) but quality > quantity. what i mean is that after u explore ur options and figure out what activities u really enjoy, focus on those and really dedicate urself to them. it's much more enjoyable to really find what fulfills u and do that to the max rather than simply dabbling in a bunch of clubs that u might not really actually like. (also when it comes to writing college essays it's a lot easier to build a narrative abt an activity if u like.. actually put work into it and enjoyed it).

grades are important but also... don't kill urself over them. study for ur tests but please please please do not beat urself up over a bad grade bc i promise u it will not be the one factor that kills ur chances for anything. i was MISERABLE in physics i think i got a 60 on my first lab report had a solid 70 average in my quiz category and i put myself thru so much grief for that class for like. absolutely nothing. and i am still headed to mit to study random science-y shit so like.. as someone who used to run herself ragged over studying for tests it is important.. but not worth that.

sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep. ik the general advised "8 hrs" is really not feasible for most people but like. i try to get in bed and asleep between 11-12 everyday and it does WONDERS. obv it may not be possible but genuinely esp as u get older i would say get ur sleep, submit ur assignment late if u have to.

i have friends who would go to the library every day during lunch instead of. actually eating bc they had so much work and like. not to say don't do ur work but as someone whose last day of hs is tomorrow i'm telling u u do not want to miss the little things like eating lunch with ur friends or hanging out. ik these tips were mostly academic and like.. high school is school but i strongly advise u to push urself to go to at least one school game or school dance or just. spend some time with ur friends bc it really does end before u know it :,)

[astral--horrorshow]

hi!! can i get a romantic studio ghibli matchup (like, out of all the movies u write for !!) anyway, i’m a 5’0 trans gay enby who uses they/he pronouns. i have long-ish black/red split dye hair, i’m very pale, and i have blue eyes. i’m also kinda chubby and i look very very tired almost always. i mostly dress causal & in pajamas, but when i feel like it, i just dress in an all black emo sorta outift? idk LOL

if this helps i’m an ISFP 4w5, gemini/cancer cusp. i’m a very very quiet and reserved person in public, especially around those my own age. i choose to not talk and i often just nod my head or shrug. i really only respond when need be! however, when you get to know me, i am absolutely chaotic. i love to make people laugh and will do anything to achieve that! i’m very physical and i love picking people up and play fighting with them (i love arm wrestling and thumb war LOL). i have a temper that’s hard to control in private, and i do get a little physical- but i don’t hurt anyone. i just throw around stuffed animals or pillows. in public i am more self-aware and it’s only visible through my movements, tone, and expressions that i’m angry. but i also feel guilty and very sad and i cannot be angry at someone for too long and i end up coming back to apologize (but sometimes i’m petty so if its their fault and what they did really hurt i won’t). enough about that though, abt my friends. i always try to fix their problems and give them advice and i sort out their issues and whatnot for them. im always there to listen and id consider myself a good listener, even tho sometimes i can lose hope and give up. i am mostly pessimistic and think things will go wrong abt get really nervous, but sometimes im very optimistic and cheer people on, esp my friends. i overthink a lot, bad or good things, which usually ends up in me spaced out, and i have a hard time pulling myself back into reality. i get embarrassed very easily. i stand up for what i believe in no matter what and i speak my mind for the most part. i have strong beliefs and opinions, im very skeptical of others at first, and i take a while to warm up to new people. but sometimes my anxiety overwhelms me too much. i also get scared very very easily. i also have BPD if that matters

i love love LOVE bugs, cats, knives, plushies, and rubber ducks. I collect the last three things !! they are my favorites in the world and i love going outside and collecting little bugs and ive always wanted a pet spider. i also adore dark/horror media things, and i love halloween. i love being scared and going into horror rides & ghost tours, theyre my fav ! cats r my fav animal and i want 50 of them when i get older. plushies comfort me a lot so do rubber ducks, so ig thats a bit childish, but thats okay :). i collect knives bc i think theyre cool and i like to show them off like theyre my babies (they are). i also love rollercoasters and theme parks, i luv adrenaline. i constantly have to tell ppl they wont die, even tho sometimes im scared myself. i love weezer, foo fighters, childish gambino, korn, and ghost. music is a very very big part of my personality LOL.

im not a big fan of pda but in private i LOVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION AND WORDS OF AFFIRMATION !! i love kisses and hugs and i will die without them. gift giving is my least fav method of affection, i feel too bad lol. i dont like being ignored and i get a lil jealous sometimes, so i need reassurance a lot. i prefer masculine people and someone who'd be patient w/ me.

thanks!!

Okokok-

Before i finished i know who it was-

Howl from Howls Moving Castle!

I just think you two would get along great! Also, ty so much for paying attention to my less popular fandoms! Its a very nice change of pace. Howl is one of my favorite movies and the book is one of my faves too, so im glad i got to think ab studio ghibli today!

[rosyerim]

bad boy au | na jaemin

na jaemin, the notorious playboy of his school

literally flirts his way out of trouble

his english teacher caught his cheating during his test and what did jaemin do? wink and slide the paper up his sleeves

“ah you must be mistaken i would never cheat on a test! esp w a teacher as pretty as you ♥ ~(◠‿◕✿)”

cue the teacher blushin and letting him off and jeno laughing at him getting caught

part of the dreamie squad obviously 

the whole group of them are absolute hearthrobs

but jaemin is like the leader ever since mark graduated ot7(╥﹏╥)o

whenever he walks down the hall or into class, guaranteed the students are squealing and highkey blushing

i mean who isn’t, jaemin is a god???

he’s also known for playing around w girls and boys

its never too serious as jaemin always cuts it off when if they say i love you

homeboy isn’t about that committed life

which sucks for the ppl he has a thing with

because he treats them so good

always taking them out on the cutest dates, to the newest cafe, the aquarium, the ice cream shop even simple dates in the park!!

 pulling out their chair for them, holding the door open for them all that gentleman ish!!

but they always want more from jaemin

jaemin is known to be affectionate w his own friends but he’s never done any pda with his flings

which confuses them bc??does jaemin like me?? 

the answer is; no

despite what he says while flirting he rarely means any of it, he just likes the reactions he gets like,

when he compliments them and they turn red

or he holds their hand and they get all shy

but he loses interest in them as quickly as he gets it and is quick to cut it off

which does make him a bit of an asshole in that sense

but he does it in such a nice way they can’t get mad

he also dyes his hair so!!much!! 

how hasn’t it fallen out yet!!!

also kind of a stoner

psa; dont do drugs kids if ur underage!! this is just an au!!!

he likes to get faded behind the abandoned carnival the dreamies have dubbed as their hangout

its rlly just a closed down amusement park thats rlly old and they just spray painted DREAM on everything they could find but the dreamies love the eerie feeling they get in ther and like to pretend they own it

AND theirs no cops around so they can do what they like

which usually means getting crossfaded or having the occasional bonfire/party but most of the time they just get a truckload of candy and challenge each other on pokemon w their nintendos lol

he also likes the feeling of his surroundings being numb and always ends up falling asleep after he finishes a blunt

which leaves a sleepy and clingy jaemin stuck w the rest of the dreamies

jaemin doesn’t let himself smoke around his flings as he doesn’t trust them nearly as much as his boys

lowkey has trust issues

but once he gets his daily dose of coffee, like 3000 shots of espresso he is A W A K E

the dreamies are the worst for almost getting in trouble

when it gets dark they usually hop on their bikes, grab two bottles of spray paint each, and go on into their neighbourhood, whilst playing obnixous dubstep from their speakers

and cause total chaos 

they always leave dogs barking and house lights turning on in their wake as they cycle like mad men down the empty streets, streaking the road with luminous pinks and greens

they get the biggest thrill out of being chased by the local police

whenever the hear the telltale siren they all whoop and laugh in unison, shouting out bets on who will get caught first chenle and who’ll get back to the hangout first renjun

it’s dangerous but they get a real kick out of it and always make sure to tweet about and post it on ig

overall jaemin is jus your average bad boy who likes causing havoc

but who doesn’t like havoc?? 

you, my dear reader :))

you had just moved house and into a completely new neighborhood

 it was your fifth day in your new home and you missed your old area a lottt

and you were highkey bitter bc you didn’t want to move but your parents made you >:((

so sunday night rolls around and you were chilling in bed, watching some dumb yt video when all of sudden in the distance you heard,,,thumping,,,

like really ugly but rhythmic thumping,,,

and it was getting louder and closer to your house

so you being all investigative, throw on your hoodie and waddle on downstairs and open your front door, the porch light turning on automatically

and what you saw was a sight

there were a group of boys cycling up and down your street, attempting to do tricks like wheelies???and shit

but as they did their tricks they were spraying the ground so they left a lot of squiggly lines as they turned and jumped

you didn’t mind that, you thought it was actually kind of pretty

but what wasn’t pretty was that hideous music

you were pretty sure they were playing that im blue dabdeeda song but a dubstepped remix version 

and god it was awful

but you kinda assumed they must have gona tone deaf bc they were screeching the lyrics to the tops of the voices and one tall kid was trying to freestyle to it

yeah, they were a sight

 you noticed none of the neighours had come outside which meant this was a normal occurrence??

oh no, you were not having this

without a second thought you shoved your feet into your uggs by the door and stomped your little butt over to the group of screaming boys

one of the boys who was on his phone on his bike, noticed you storming towards them and quickly hit another guy next to him and so on

until all their attention was on you

all six of them 

if it were your old neighbourhood you would have been flustered at their attention on you and they were good looking and you were wearing an,,,odd attire

but you didn’t care

once you reached them you just crossed your arms

“whose playing the music?”

they kinda looked at you as if you spoke another language

until you arched an eyebrow and the tall kid from earlier raised his hand, holding his phone 

“uh,,, i am,,, i’m jisung,,,”

you marched over to him and swiped his phone, ignoring the laughing from one of the boys, scrolling thru his horrible choice of songs

then one of them tapped you on ur shoulder

“so like,,who are you? whats your deal sis?”

you noted he had quite an ugly bowlcut that was also bright red and you just rolled your eyes, before typing in a decent song in jisungs phone

another kid stepped forward and tried to look menacing as he stood up slightly taller in front of you

“like haechan asked,,what’s your deal? do you know who we are?”

you scoffed and clicked on the song, feeling satisfied as frank oceans song ivy played through the speaker

“frankly i don’t care who you guys are but your taste in music is shit and you all sound obnoxious”

homeboy who tried to seem tough was lowkey shook

and haechan just laughed really sarcastically 

“our music taste is shit? your outfit is a mess” 

your outfit was literally a large hoodie and uggs but like??your mom bought them and u liked them!!

“my mess of an outfit is worth more than that tragic cheap dye job you got ontop of your scalp smh”

haechan just gaped at you while the boys tried to hide their snickers 

you were about to leave before another one of them stepped forward, stretching out his hand

“yo you’re kinda funny, i’m renjun!” 

u just stared at his hand 

“yeah cool i dont care, bye”

ohhhh cold

you had stalked off from them ignroing their oooo savages behind you, ready to slip back into bed highkey proud of yourself 

BUT

not so fast

suddenly your met with a really smiley face with pink hair

he grabs your hand and kisses the back of it giving you his usual, heart stopping smile

“i don’t think i’ve seen you before...i’m jaemin and its very nice to meet you (◕‿-)“

but you are not liking his large ass smile

you rip your hand back and just arch your eyebrow again at him

“are you all actually deaf? I am y/n, and I do not care! goodnight!” 

and off you storm, this time actually making it to your door

you spare one more glance at them as you’re closing it 

and the group are almost crying bc they’re laughing so hard at jaemin whose looking over at you 

and he just winks at as u slam the door shut 

damn reader, ur wildt

once you’re back in your room you hear the group disappearing down the street, smiling as you hear frank ocean’s voice float away slowly

you peak out your window to see if they’re all gone but what you see leaves your mouth gaping

there in a mix of luminous pink and greens, spelled out in capitals is

TILL NEXT TIME Y/N ♥

there was gona b a next time??? oh no poor you ;)

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?

scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!

for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)

anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)

derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.

i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!

i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.

dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).

i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.

all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.

date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.

4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.

3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)

3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah

nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!

i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.

oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[ickle-ronniekins]

dance with me

request from nonnie! “Hello! Im terribly in love with your writing! I was wondering if maybe, Charlie takes Bill, the twins an (either oc or reader insert) to a muggle party and they’re all super confused but love it and Fred is completely smitten by the OC when she danced and maybe did something weird/special of your choosing. I hope it isnt much, lots of love for u and Mischief Managed! ♥️”

pairing: fred x muggle!reader

word count: 2.2k

A/N: my dudes i don’t even know what the fuck this is but i loved this request so much, didn’t mean to make it sad, sry, also you can interpret this how you will.. personally i think they’re both too vulnerable rn to ~get it on~ but i like to think that maybe fred would open his heart again after this and she’d mend his heartbreak..... brb making myself big sad !!!!!! but listen if you wanna imagine him pinning her against the wall and having the time of his life then go for it, man i'm just...... big into angst;;;;;;; pls reblog & leave feedback & things of the like, thank you loves

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The foggy, wet streets of the city were unappealing compared to the very comforting, open landscape next to the Burrow. The very last thing that Fred and George had wanted to do was follow their two eldest brothers in the frigid, rainy weather to some silly Muggle party in central London.

Especially Fred.

He didn’t want to be forced out of the one place that made him somewhat happy, especially when he was still nursing the heartbreak that had been causing him so much unpleasantness.

But they’d obliged, because Charlie had nearly pounced on the two of them about it, and they’d much rather go to this than be forced to sit inside the Burrow with pompous Percy -- although, since the war, he had admittedly gotten better at not being a self-righteous git.

The twins had a ton on their plate; not to mention, Fred wasn’t in the mood for any of it. They were dragged out of their business shop by Bill, who was adamant about the fact that they’d both needed a night out, and when they’d tried to persist, telling their eldest brother many times that they had too much to do before the newest shipment of magical inventions came in, Bill had nearly hexed the pair of them, causing them both to shut up almost instantaneously.

But now, as bright, fluorescent lights hit the middle of the room, highlighting you, your smooth and effortless dance moves, and the very lazy grin on your face as you sang along to the booming music in between sips of your drink, Fred wasn’t so huffy about being here anymore.

His heartbreak didn’t seem so heavy anymore.

At least right now, it didn’t.

Admittedly, Bill was right. They really did need a night out. They’d been so bloody busy working that they hadn’t even been to the pub in a few weeks’ time. Ever since the war, business had seemed to escalate, which was really saying something, considering it was incredibly busy even before all of this had gone down. The two of them hardly ever had a moment to breathe. Which, they supposed, was good for Fred. Kept him occupied, kept his mind at bay. But they reckoned they probably needed to hire some more help. Ron had reluctantly agreed to lend a hand. It was Hermione’s idea. A brilliant one, at that.

George thrust a beer frustratingly into his twin’s hands. “We’ve got so much to do, mate.”

“Yeah,” Fred replied breathlessly, truly not listening to a word George was saying.

Fred Weasley had always had it easy when it came to the ladies. They flocked to him, really. He didn’t like to admit it so as not to come off like an entitled prat, but it was true. It was probably due to the fact that he was always making everyone laugh -- something that came equally as easy to him. Perhaps it was his bright red hair that the girls ogled over. Maybe it was his wicked sense of adventure, and the fact that he was always landing himself in questionable situations more often than not. But that was school. He could easily impress those girls at school. He hadn’t had too in a while, though. He’d been happily tied up with the same person for years — that is, until he wasn’t. Until she’d picked someone else.

This was different, though. This was a Muggle party, in the middle of central London, in someone’s sweaty, sticky flat with a bunch of people he didn’t know. Fred couldn’t do magic here. He couldn’t impress someone with his inventions or with his stories about adventure without giving away the fact that he was a from a magical background. He couldn’t use his usual tricks in front of all of these Muggles or he’d be in a ton of hot water.

He also couldn’t let his very intense vulnerability and his rusty flirting get in the way.

But he wouldn’t be Fred Weasley if he didn’t try, right?

It was always easy for Fred to be able to flirt absentmindedly with women. But with his heart in a fragile state, he wasn’t so sure it would be easy tonight.

Bill, picking up on his younger brother’s locked knees and fingers gripped tight around his beer, stopped in front of them. “You alright, Fred?”

“Yeah,” Fred said again, clearing his throat and swigging a bit of his drink. He then thrust the nearly full beer into Charlie’s hands, who furrowed his brows in a confused look. Fred continued, “More than okay. Hey, you guys have fun -- I’ll catch up with you in a bit, alright?”

He left his brothers standing at the other end of the room as he pushed through tons of people. When he’d finally made it to the middle, you were gone. He casually swerved around, peering all around the room to try and meet the gaze with the eyes he felt like he’s known for years already. He then spotted you toward the corner, pouring yourself another drink. His feet began moving before he could register exactly what he was doing; so quickly, in fact, that he hadn’t even heard the obnoxious exchange of words and laughter from behind him from his brothers.

“Merlin, can we go anywhere without Fred picking someone up?”

“Give him a break, mate -- he hasn’t seen anyone since everything unraveled with the last one. It’s been almost two years. Reckon this is good for him — for me, too.”

“Wish it was that easy for me to pick someone up, bloody hell.”

With his heart pounding unnaturally against his ribcage, Fred slid next to you and too began to pour himself a drink, glad to have gotten rid of that beer that Charlie was now undoubtedly guzzling. He opened his mouth to speak, but much to his surprise, you spoke first.

“Ahh -- a whiskey man, are you?”

He was taken aback at the sultry sound of your voice; maybe it was because the music was pounding in his ears, or the fact that you were this foreign person he desperately found himself wanting to know, and very quickly. He looked down at his drink, and then up at you. You were already sipping yours. “That a bad thing?”

“Not necessarily -- though I haven’t decided yet.”

The slight eyebrow raise you gave him made his insides twist. It was too early in the night for nerves. He swallowed them down as he took a swig of his very strong drink. “Haven’t decided, hm?”

You turned to him and then around to face the rest of the party. You inched closer and crossed your arms over your chest, and nodded. “There are three different types of men here tonight, you see. Those, over there,” you pointed with your pinky finger to a bunch of very frat-like men sipping lazily on their beers or glasses of wine, “they’ve come looking for something casual. Not so casual as far as one nighters go, but a fling. Something of the like. Those over on that end,” Fred followed your finger over to a very messy looking group of men who were dancing far too close with some women in the middle of the dance floor -- they looked like they all needed to get rooms. Separately. Merlin. “You know the type of night they’re looking for.”

Fred couldn’t help but snort a bit as he sipped casually.

“And then there’s you. Sipping your whiskey. Cute as ever.”

You turned back toward him and he raised an eyebrow. He was now feeling a bit self-conscious — he was both thrilled and equally embarrassed at being called “cute” by a woman as stunning as you, way out of his league and probably having quite a laugh yourself. He didn’t even know your name. What would you say next? You’d already deemed him the “third type of man” in the room, but the fact that he was a standalone, and not lumped in with another group, made him feel both overwhelmingly relieved, and also slightly terrified. But he tried to play it cool.

“What about me?”

You brought your hand to your hip and wet your lips, pondering this. A small smirk spread itself across your face, the fluorescent light flashing across your eyes. “I dunno yet,”

He liked that. He liked that you didn’t know anything about him. He liked that he didn’t have to be the bloke who made jokes to lighten the mood, the guy who loved messing with people, or the boy who got his heart broken by a girl who’d never really cared for him at all. He didn’t have to be any of those people. He could just be Fred.

“Haven’t decided, I reckon? Like the whiskey?”

You smiled; it was bad enough that Fred was losing his mind solely at the perfume you were wearing, and the fact that this conversation was going absolutely nothing like what he’d planned. Your eyes met his and your voice was soft when you leant in closer, “That’s what makes it so bloody dangerous.”

He didn’t know what the bloody hell you meant by that but he didn’t seem to mind, especially when you grabbed him by the shirt and led him to the dance floor again, slinging your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you as some slow song he’d never heard blared through the speakers in the corner.

“And to think — I was just going to come over here and see if I’d even be lucky enough to have a chat,”

You laughed at this, shutting your eyes whilst doing so, and Fred noticed something sparkly painted on your skin toward the edges of your eyes. “What can I say? You’ve intrigued me.”

Perhaps he could do this without any magic. Bloody difficult to not talk all about it, though.

Perhaps his vulnerability would subside, and he’d be able to talk and flirt and dance without thinking back on his own overwhelming heartache that had rendered him nearly useless the last few months.

But after a while, he stopped worrying. The music was so loud, your laughter so infectious, that he’d forgotten all about all those stupid jokes he’d wanted to make about his shop, about Hogwarts, about the magic he’d learned growing up. It wasn’t until you’d asked him to be in the moment with you that he’d truly remembered them.

“Just,” you’d started, tugging gently on the collar of his shirt and biting your bottom lip as another song played loudly, “just be here with me, okay?”

Fred wondered, as glassiness seemed to fill your eyes through a grin at him, if you, too, were in need of this night out.

Maybe you were nursing some kind of heartbreak, too.

Maybe you were also trying to find some type of normal.

It was in your tone — in the way your voice trembled slightly when you’d said be here with me. He didn’t think you were looking for something like a fling, like those guys you’d pointed at before. And he definitely knew that you weren’t looking for one night and one night only, like those sloppy people he’d kept trying to avoid on the dance floor. Maybe, like you’d said, you just needed him to be here. In the moment. Just the two of you, shoes heavy against the hardwood floor, eyes sparkling underneath the lights.

He realized, when he peered down at you and felt some type of warmth for the first time since his own heart was crushed in its vulnerability, that he just needed you to be here with him, too.

So when you leant forward slowly, trying to read his expression, to see if it was okay to do what you wanted to do, he leant in too, pressing his lips gently to yours in a spark of electricity for the first time in Merlin only knows how long.

And what he tasted on your lips sent him spiraling.

When you pulled apart, he raised an eyebrow and smirked at you. “What?” You asked nervously, biting down on the bottom lip, desperately trying to hide the smirk that was growing on your face.

“A whiskey girl, eh?”

You shrugged casually, as if it meant nothing. But you both knew it meant everything. It was just strange, he thought — your first interaction just hours ago, the conversation you’d held, and how you were here, now, entangled together. You wiggled your eyebrows at him — and he was surprised that he found it both innocent and incredibly alluring. “Told you it’s dangerous.”

You sipped the very last of your drink before tossing your cup into the waste bin. Fred reckoned he could stay here all night, forgetting about all of the things that kept him up at night, the things that had been making him so bloody prone to unpleasantness for such a long time. He wanted to laugh again. He wanted to smile again. He wanted to love again.

When you cocked your head to the side and smiled softly at him, beginning to mouth the words to the music, he reckoned he might just be able too.

Then you tugged on both of his hands, placed them delicately across your waist as you locked your arms around his neck again, you said over the booming of the next stupid song you’d undoubtedly sing every word too,

“Just dance with me, Freddie.”

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

netflix shadow and bone s1 e5 pt3: peak darklina

the first kiss scene Alina is so beautiful Her little smile as she picks up his kefta after he hears him call out for Ivan to get it like ooh I'm gonna play a little trick on Alek Her making him smile with a joke that's not even funny The tentativeness of it all, them tiptoeing around each other, testing the boundaries Him being taken aback by her offering to help him put on his kefta but still wanting her to and immediately resorting to business voice asking questions about official sun summoner stuff And putting on his serious business face him trying to explain away the gloves by calling them a safeguard, not a sign of him not trusting her abilities the face he makes after saying spectacle either depicting his distaste for the showiness of the event or depicting his embarrassment at how he phrased the sentence, like what the fuck did I just say (more likely the first one) Her quickly turning around and walking away after the eye contact makes her realise how close they are and him pulling a puzzled look as she does so Just. Just how adorable the energy is. Both of them making jokes to diffuse the tension, her gripping the table to maybe steady or calm herself, the looks they give to each other as if engaged in a delicate dance; god-like Him straight up just blinking and looking down and gulping as she says 'we can offer Grisha and Ravkans hope' (could be multiple things he's thinking at this point, and all of them interest me) 'That means a lot to me, Alina.' *her turning to look at his face* 'You mean a lot...' *her immediately lowering her gaze and tracing where her mal scar used to be lmao* 'to everyone' *her raising her gaze to him again* The music swelling as she walks up to him, her barely grazing her fingers against his collar, his eyes looking across hers as if in disbelief, her looking at his lips, and then her closing the gap between them. Him being a little stiff, indubitably from being shocked, and yet giving into it almost instinctively as if he can't help it. The violin coming in powerfully yet softly to emphasize the tenderness of it all. This thing has been made with so much love and I can't contain myself about it. Him opening his eyes half a second after Alina, almost as if waking up from a dream and then, following a relaxing of his facial muscles as he clearly regains his composure, immediately looking inscrutable. Her doubting herself, not losing eye contact as he stands up from the desk, but her sudden fear, regret, and embarrassment clear on her face. Her sides of her lips slowly rising giving way his own self mirroring her and breaking into smile and composing himself and breaking into smile again before saying 'Not many people surprise me, Miss Starkov'. Her now fully breaking out into a smile, her face a picture of unguarded joy, she looks down only to have his gaze follow her face. Both of them giddy in the other's presence and the audience can feel it. It feels like he is leaning in for another one when the sound of the door opening makes them spring apart, regaining their composures and standing at a respectable distance from each other. Her poorly suppressing a smile, him looking at her visibly, her mimicking him with a glance out of her periphery, causing her to give in to her smile completely. Him looking visibly distracted as he attempts to pay attention to whoever came into the room. the Jesper of it all Jesper the mega idiot not being able to control his face from doing a thing as he realises the person who caught him where he wasn't supposed to be is the same person he was making sexy eyes at before and yet regaining his composure in record time The poor stable hand actually being interested in Jesper and being adorable with Jesper just being like charm itself Can you believe looking at Jesper Llewellyn Fahey in the flesh and having him make sexy eyes at you and then forgetting about it? Because I simply cannot. The line about light role play? Felt a little not right. GO OFF STABLE HAND WHO PUSHED JESPER AGAINST A WALL AND KISSED HIM, HE LITERALLY SAID IM POPPING OFF AND

THEN HE DID Zoya Zoya saying fuck off to the random racist comment made by one of the guests, but she was racist to Alina herself? (I mean South Asian-East Asian hate is not uncommon so idk) David omg the cutie pie adjusting his hair at the fete HEARTRENDER FUCKING HUSBANDS Fedyor insisting on Ivan eating the sweet and Ivan's solemn head shake like no babe im on a diet and Fedyor being like heart eyes please eat the sweet my love and then Fedyor holding Ivan's face to make him nibble off a corner and Ivan's face splitting into a reluctant grin Kaz the actor Seeing Kaz the actor instead of Kaz the master of trickery and plans is an interesting thing Kanej being Kanej cute banter interaction, would recommend, 10/10 hints at Arken being sus The look Kaz gives Arken when Arken leaves, I really should have known, I was simply being a clown Darkling and the dumb royalty We love the Darkling suppressing his anger at these otkazat'sya rulers dissing the grisha and the little palace Alina's entrance The soft hum that we hear when Alina enters but we don't see her face Alina's adorable peeking The Darkling's expression changing despite being done af with these mfers and instantaneously on catching a glimpse of Alina, she really has that power huh He really made it look like his pupils dilated and who knows maybe they did Him trying to call her out for not following protocol but him melting and saying 'you look lovely, by the way' Her saying 'you look like you needed saving' I can't breathe you're so cool ballroom at the little palace I must confess I expected the ballroom of the winter fete to be bigger

GENYADAVID looking at each other and pretending not to look at each other, my fucking heart Kanej being Kanej Kaz implying they're gonna try to trick the people into thinking that the fake sun summoner is real and Inej being done with his shit Alina's demonstration HER NAME IS ALINA STARKOV yes mfer The way people back away as he steps, god the power of this man Inej looking at Kaz omfg Okay him clapping the darkness into the room was cool af I love the shadow summoning effects so fucking much The first bit of light that Alina summons lighting up the gold parts of her black kefta, absolute perfection Alina just enjoying her power and then looking to Alek, his lips parting when she does Aw Fedyor looking at Ivan in a I told you she could do it way Genya and Fedyor exchanging glances as Alina besties THE CROWD SAYING SANKTA ALINA INEJ SAYING SANKTA ALINA WITH HALF A TEAR IN HER EYE DAMN THIS IS POWERFUL Jesper and Dima IMMEDIATELY TRANSITIONING TO JESPER SAYING 'SAINTS' AS A NAKED STABLE BOY GETS OFF OF HIM AGAHSJSJSJKS I CAN'T IM CACKLING AT THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW HOW ARE THEY SO PERFECT (his name's dima btw) Poor fucking Dima getting frightening orders from his superior as his hookup sneaks out with horses that are definitely not his Arken the little shit Ah Arken why'd you have to go and do this I was actually amused by you before the malyen factor omg Mal's here and someone saw him getting here apparat and faith? The apparat literally jumping out of the palace walls at Alina lol man I do love the religion angle of this universe and it would have been so fucking cool if it were explored a bit better ew apparat that grab was very violent mal/darkling interaction the darkling's reaction at his recognition of mal was so funny ah yes my arch nemesis, the other angle of this teen immortal love triangle how utterly delightful someone explain the darkling's 'are you alright' to mal, is it because Alina was worried sick, is it mind games, is it curiosity, what is it Im still don't know how to feel with them attaching a literal symbol to the sun summoner, to Alina's dreams and to the stag itself 'not until I see Alina' THE LOYAL HIMBO ENERGY IN THIS ONE ISTFG I have never known nose acting until I saw Ben Barnes, he uses his nose in his acting and it is absolutely wonderful; case in point, the 'i beg your pardon' to mal with the rage making his voice shake okay but why is every mal darkling interaction like, everything the prompt answer our baby mal gives and the satisfaction it brings to his face, fucking amazing the darkling being literally struck by this, his mouth literally agape, king this is a 20 year old lmao Baghra! OMG WE GOT A GLIMPSE OF BAGHRA'S FIRE YES Genya supremacy Genya beating Arken up let's fucking go Marie's plot influence and Racism? Yellowface? again? hmm bardugo (then again, I have no authority over this, I'm south asian) Ive already talked about how I'm interested in knowing if and how changing Marie's time and place of death going to influence the plot much because in the books it caused a chain reaction doing a lot of stuff Alina, my love Alina just, laughing with other Grisha, feeling at home, ah be still my treacherous heart Mal's confrontation scene with Alina that was in the books being retconned to Mal calling out to her body double, hmm, probably to make Mal more likeable, I don't have any feelings about this particularly Nadia and Fedyor Okay the both of them, smiling and walking, hand in hand, cute mlm wlw solidarity moment that I missed during the first watch Kanej interacting with Alina Why is Alina literally so adorable The music picking up as the Inferni catches sight of the 'limping man' (what? it was funny when he said it) Blue Irises Alina's face showing a certain sense of calm when Alek shows up Alina's face after the Darkling says 'for you' and presents her with blue irises is something like gasp okay you've got game sexy shadow man mal fite time omg I thought she was taking mal to talk to Baghra or smth not to kill him 🤡 aren't oprichnikis like

otkazat'sya or am I missing smth? Because Baghra's spy is obvs a fabrikator THE DESK SCENE omg the scene hath arriveth the fact that Alina can't stop smiling gods, the flirting 'I don't recall this, being part of the schedule' him turning back and saying 'it isn't' her hiding her face through the cover of smelling the flowers and just how coy she acts, like the literal eyelid batting Ma'am how embarrassing for you to have feelings rn these two are my absolute favs of all time the camera moving as they move from their spots on which they had to stand on to get the shot of their shadows almost kissing her nodding and smiling at him saying 'she'll probably be alright' like okay I'm ready for smooches kiss me already and him going 'don't you think' trying to savour this moment IM SORRY BUT THE FUCKING SCORE AT THE MOMENT THEIR LIPS MEET YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CANNOT COPE the way his hand is so big that he can almost hold her entire face in it the way she grips the back of his head I'm sorry I feel so disrespectful saying this but the sounds they make+I think that's a um titty grab or maybe it's just a holding someone and the placement was um unintended but I doubt it because everything in this fucking show is so intentional+ the lift up onto the desk+ the faces they make+ um god I'm going to hell for this but when they sort of grind into each other (I understand this is acting and they're just good at their job) but god does all of this make my heart race and also makes me happy I guess LITERAL GIGGLES I can't I'm soft 🥺🥺🥺 his little head shake at the knock on the door when he goes in for one last kiss before she gets off the desk and her eyes going all oy you, go get the door, I'm not going anywhere don't make whoever it is wait is so adorable and domestic her just standing there mouth agape to herself when he walks away HIM STILL FLUSHED AND BLUSHING AND HIS HAPPINESS CLEAR AS DAY ON HIS FACE WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR his gaze flits to her when Ivan says Alina was the target 'I'll be waiting' love, I physically can't anymore Little cheek hold and walk away Her little smile to herself nearly fading before he jumps back in again to her surprise and to ours to hold her face with both his hands and kiss her one last time, and yes, he does kiss like he's being drafted for the war in the morning Her little mouth open and close and then her little smile to herself after he leaves I refuse to watch the rest of the episode right now because no let me steep in the darklina bliss

[artificialqueens]

You Rewrote My Ending (ABCD Friendship) - Candy Cane

A/N: so glad i finished this today!! i have two other wips im currently working on, and im so thankful for @chaoticnachokitten for beign a cheerleader and beta for this one!!! thank you!!! you can follow me at @sillylittlecandycane if you so please <3 enoy :3 Summary: After a long week, the four bffs finally get a chance to relax.

Adore has had what feels like the absolute longest week ever. She knows Courtney was struggling too, Bianca’s texts sound grumpier than usual, and Darienne hasn’t been texting enough, which basically confirms for Adore that they all need to get together asap.

The youngest of the four sends the absolutely most pathetic text she can think of to the group chat, then boom! Next thing she knows, Darienne’s inviting everyone over to her place, Courtney is making sure Bianca’s bringing rich lady alcohol, and Adore is calling in their pizza order to be delivered to Darienne’s.

As the two musicians rush around the house gathering their things before the Uber arrives, Adore remembers at the last minute to poke her head into Trixie’s bedroom so at least one of their other roommates knows where they’re going.

“Hey Trix?” Adore says before she’s even looking in, the second she does look though…

Katya and Trixie are shoulder to shoulder in the latter’s bed, laughing their asses off over something on the laptop situated on their laps. Adore doesn’t quite know what she’s seeing, it’s definitely not the first time they’ve acted like this, but it is… different.

“What’s up?” Trixie says, still coming off the high of laughter.

“Courm and I are headed to Darienne’s for the night, I dunno when we’ll be back-”

“Cool, have fun!” Trixie cuts her off a bit too quickly.

Adores glances between her roommates, deciding she’d much rather go get cuddles from her favorite shady elephant than psychoanalyze these two psychos.

“Kay, bye!” Adore grins, slinging her backpack over her shoulder to meet Courtney at the front door.

Courtney looks exhausted, even if her makeup is totally perfect, and Adore is really, really worried for her. Her shoulders are a little too slumped, her hair is just a little too messy, her voice just a little too groggy… Adore hates it. She cannot wait for their night of relaxation to start.

Luckily, she doesn’t have to wait much longer. They get the text from their Uber, rush outside and climb in, then after a bumpy, curvy, wild ride from a seemingly normal driver, the roommates tumble out of the car a little worse for wear, but fine.

Courtney is the one to knock on the door of Darienne’s townhouse that lies at the very edge of the city. Bianca is the one to open it for them, holding a large glass of wine and wearing an expression of fondness and exasperation.

“It took you long enough,” the older woman snorts, “Even the fucking pizza guy beat you two.”

“Our Uber driver was probably insane,” Courtney sighs, accepting Bianca’s hug as she walks into the familiar home.

“Yanks!” Adore shouts before practically launching herself into Bianca’s arms, pressing her face into the crook of her friend’s neck, feeling warm and safe in the embrace.

Bianca runs a hand through Adore’s tangled, dyed-red hair, “Missed you too, bitch.”

Adore throws her head back in free, happy laughter, she’s definitely missed her best friend this week, and it feels so good to be with her again. The singer looks up to see Courtney leaning against Darienne, who looks just as tired as the rest of them. Adore is kind of excited to hear about why everyone’s just had a collectively sucky week or day. Those three are hilarious when ranting while drunk, and she could really use a good time.

Adore grabs Bianca’s hand so that they can go and join Courtney and Darienne in a nice, big group hug. They all hold onto each other tight, a firm reminder that their friendship is unshakable, and that one bad week can’t hurt any one of them.

They pull apart after a few minutes, then Adore looks out into the kitchen curiously.

“So… the pizza’s already here?” she asks cheekily.

“Go get your fucking food, you needy bitch, because once you’re done I’m going after your nasty hair,” Bianca says in her typical motherly way, reaching up to ruffle Adore’s hair.

Darienne rolls her eyes, “Hey, don’t take too much of my good wine either! I’m old, I’ve lived long enough to deserve it.”

Adore laughs out a “Yes, mom!” as she heads over to the kitchen, Courtney right behind her. Despite living in the same apartment, Adore doesn’t really get to see Courtney or talk to her as much as she wishes she could. Their schedules rarely line up, and Courtney has been spending more and more time out of town over the last couple months. Adore doesn’t think she would ever be able to say it out loud, but she’s terrified Courtney is going to move out of town with how much she’s been away lately.

And that would suck for so many fucking reasons! One, she’d have to find a fourth roommate, which, gross, talking to new people. Two, Courtney would be moving out. Three, Courtney wouldn’t even be in the same fucking city anymore! Adore doesn’t know what she’d do without being able to crawl into Courtney’s bed for cuddles at four a.m., or Courtney’s way too peppy early morning attitude. It would just suck.

Head spinning with worry, Adore grabs a couple pieces of the veggie pizza, then pours herself more wine then either of her old lady friends would approve of. Courtney follows behind her, the two lean against the kitchen counter, quietly enjoying each other’s company, eating pizza and sipping on wine.

Adore smiles when she hears Bianca and Darienne’s crazy laughing, and then giggles when the two of them tease each other as they storm into the kitchen.

“You two look pathetic,” Bianca says gruffly, arms crossed over her chest as she stares at them from the other side of the counter, “Let’s go watch Real Housewives or something, I wanna make fun of ugly bitches and I’ve already said all I can about everyone in this room.”

“Fine, but if anyone stains my sofas I’m going to lose my damn mind,” Darienne says, even though she’s already taking Adore and Courtney’s hands to lead them to her couches.

“Impossible, you lost your mind ten years ago,” Bianca retorts, sitting down on the end of the couch.

Darienne doesn’t say anything, but she’s laughing along with everyone else, and it’s really, really fucking good. After everyone’s situated on the couches, Adore curls up on the floor against Bianca’s legs, her cheek resting on her friend’s knees. Bianca absent mindedly runs her fingers through Adore’s matted, messy hair while Courtney and Darienne argue over what to watch.

“Ugh, your hair’s a mess, kid,” Bianca complains, “I can hardly put my fingers through it!”

“I’m too tired to brush it though,” Adore whines.

“Well I told you earlier I’d take care of it for you,” Bianca reminds her, trying not to smile at the way the younger perks up.

“Thank you…” Adore mumbles, her face pressed tight against Bianca’s knee.

Bianca smirks, “You gotta let me up though so I can get a hairbrush.”

“Nooooooo!”

“Then I can’t fix your hair, you lazy mermaid.”

“…Courtney?” Adore asks hopefully.

“I’m not getting up,” the Aussie says, snuggling further into the soft cushions of Darienne’s couch, her cheek resting on said friend’s shoulder.

“Count me out too,” Darienne says, her tiredness from the week extra heavy in her voice.

Adore groans and rolls off of Bianca’s legs, her back resting against the couch so that Bianca can get up. Bianca pats the top of Adore’s head before she gets up, and Adore’s eyes drift to the TV, which is playing some over dramatic reality show. It’s perfect for this kind of night.

Before she even has time to miss her Willow too much, Bianca is back and tugging the younger in between her legs so that she has a good angle to take care of the rats’ nest Adore is currently calling her hair. Darienne and Bianca start a back and forth banter over the craziness happening on screen, while Courtney intermittently interjects and Adore laughs along with her friends, immensely enjoying the gentleness of Bianca’s fingers and the methodic, soothing motions of the brush.

No one is sure when, but Adore quickly starts dozing off against Bianca’s legs, and only moves when Bianca tugs her up onto the couch. Adore winds up with her head in Bianca’s lap, and her long legs sprawled across Courtney’s and Darienne’s. They tease her a little at first, loving and good natured, but are quick to give it up once they realize she really is falling asleep in B’s lap.

“Poor kid is just completely worn out,” Bianca mutters as she works on an extra difficult knot.

Darienne sighs, “Yeah, one of those weeks for us all…”  

“This was the first full week I’ve been home in months. I’m really glad to be back, but I think it’s just made me realize how tired I am from travelling,” Courtney admits.

Darienne squeezes her hand sympathetically, “Don’t overwork yourself, that’s how you turn out to be a bitter old bitch like Bianca and I.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Bianca chortles, brushing Adore’s hair gently, “I was two times worse than you are, ya know, and I didn’t really have anyone around me telling me to calm down. So take the advice now, and maybe a vacation while you’re at it.”

Courtney smiles fondly at Bianca, and leans over a conked out Adore to give her a one-armed hug, “You are much more of a sweetheart than you want anyone to know.”  

“You don’t gotta rub it in my face,” Bianca says with an eye roll.

“Oh no, we will be holding this over your head for the rest of time,” Darienne teases.

“You’re one to talk,” Courtney smirks, “And I’d say it’s less of a secret with you.”

Darienne feigns a scandalized expression, reaching up to grasp at her heart, “Courtney! How could you?” Courtney’s shoulders shake with laughter, causing her to accidentally jostle Adore, which in turn makes the youngest of the four groggily protest being woken.

“What the hell…?” Adore whines, her cheek squished against Bianca making her words almost unintelligible. Bianca pets through Adore’s hair to soothe her back to sleep while whispering to her, pointedly ignoring the looks from the other two ladies as she does so.

“She has you wrapped around her little finger,” Courtney says, nothing but awe and amusement in her voice.

“As long as she doesn’t figure it out I’ll be fine,” Bianca jokes, not denying it.

“From that first day at that damn club…” Darienne says, reminiscing already.

“I’m not drunk enough for this,” Bianca complains, wrinkling her nose, still detangling Adore’s hair even though it’s almost perfectly smooth now.

Courtney grins mischievously, “Remember how much you couldn’t stand me? Or Adore? I think Darienne you liked from the start, but that’s because she’s just your type of person.”

The older woman rolls her eyes fondly, “Yeah, I remember. You two were so fucking annoying, and if it hadn’t been for Darienne being the most tolerable bitch in the building I probably would’ve strangled someone.”

“That sounds about right,” Adore mumbles sleepily. The other three chuckle and Bianca brushes back Adore’s hair from her face.

“I remember hating all three of you immediately,” Darienne jokes, the others laughing along with her, “I only like people with good taste in makeup.”

Courtney gasps in faux offence, Adore sniggers into Bianca’s lap, and Bianca continues the banter, “What does it mean now that we’re your best friends?”

“That there’s still hope for you guys yet.”

Courtney nearly falls into Darienne’s lap from laughing so hard. Maybe they’re all over-doing it on the wine, but they’re having too much fun to consider slowing down. Courtney hasn’t felt so relaxed and happy in weeks, and she can’t help but to regret not calling Bianca sooner.

She sighs and curls closer into Darienne, “So what happened with you this week?”

Darienne hums boredly, “Just my boss being shitty, but what’s new? Oh, and that guy I met on Facebook turned out to be completely worthless.”

“It’s not your fault the people around you are awful,” Courtney says sympathetically, “You deserve better than anyone like them.”

“You know what? I do,” Darienne agress confidently.

“I’ll beat them up for you,” Adore offers, lifting her head up just enough to be heard.

“Now that’s a fight I’d like to see,” Bianca grins.

“I’ll send you addresses next week,” Darienne says, patting Adore’s calf, which is still sprawled across her lap.

“I love you, Darienne,” Adore sing-songs loudly.

“Bitch, stop moving so much I’m trying to fix your hair,” Bianca complains.

“I love you, too, Bia!”

Courtney rubs Adore’s back softly, “Awww, what about me?”

Adore quickly sits up, causing Bianca to grumble in surprise, and turns herself so she’s nose to nose with Courtney, “Courm, I love you so fucking much and I don’t know where I’d be without you so please, please don’t move out because I can’t function when you’re not around-”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down,” Courtney frowns, placing her hands on Adore’s shoulders to steady the younger girl, “Move out? What are you talking about?”

Adore’s eyes water, and she swallows hard, “I know you’re planning on moving out because you’re always out of town, and you’ve been getting a lot of mail from this one company, and I just… Please don’t go, Courtney.”

Courtney throws her arms around Adore’s neck and pulls her in for a tight, loving hug, “I’m not going anywhere, Adore. I promise. I’m sorry that it looks like I may be planning on moving out, but I swear I’m not.”

“Thank God,” Adore mumbles, snuggling closer to Courtney.

Bianca rolls her eyes, but they all know she really does find it sweet, “Alright, now that the mushy shit is sorted, Adore can you get your fucking knee off of my appendix?”

Adore rolls herself off the couch and onto the floor with a yelp, “I’m okay!”

Courtney giggles, “Bianca, appendixes are so old-fashioned. If you want I can recommend you a surgeon to get rid of that.”

“Of course you can, you cunt,” Bianca says, playfully slapping Courtney’s arm.

Adore looks up at her three very best friends. She wouldn’t trade them for the whole world, not ever. They’re too perfect, too perfect for someone like her, but somehow they’re still hers. So she’ll take what she can get, and accept it for what it is.

She loves them, and she knows they love her too. 

[princessamericachavez]

Fjorester in the Bjreaus talk

It’s yelling about Fjorester hours. I haven’t done this breakdowns in a while but there’s so much to analyze in that Bjreau’s talk and so much subtext and admissions and feelings in Fjord’s explanations that I really need to go step by step

this is mostly focused on the Fjorester side of the conversation because so many people have already broken down the BY in it and maybe i will too later but for now let me focus on my main OTP because wow 

Beau: So…. Jester

Fjord: *pikachu panic*

Fjord: There it comes. I was wondering when that melodic intro was gonna hit. 

Fjord: J-J-Jester?

THE WAY HE STUTTERS HER NAME. IM SO SOFT. 

Beau: You know what I’m gonna ask, dude, right? Like, what’s the deal?

Fjord, still deflecting: when you come with the ‘dude’, yes, I know what you wanna as.

Fjord, getting serious suddenly: What? What about Jester?

THAT’S THE FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN CAUGHT ON UR CRUSH AND UR TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL BUT YOU’RE FREAKING OUT ENTIRELY

I MEAN THAT SMILE

Beau: 

Fjord:

Beau:

THEY BOTH KNOW. THEY ARE JUST DARING THE OTHER TO SAY IT OUT LOUD. 

Beau, finally giving in: You know how she feels about you. Or, at least, how she did. I don’t know if she still does.

*Fjord, immediately, starts touching his mouth in that nervous mannerism he always has when his image insecurities are brought up, like he wants to hide his tusks*

*i start quietly sobbing*

Fjord: I don’t either! I have no idea. 

DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING ABOUT FJORD, AFTER 108 EPISODES, ACKNOWLEDGING ALL THE FLIRTING JESTER USED TO DO AND THE FACT THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD A CRUSH ON HIM EVEN IF HE DOESN’T KNOW IF THAT’S STILL THE CASE?

HE’S NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED THAT BEFORE

Fjord: I’m actually the less clued in as to how Jester feels. I actually tried to… ask, but I don’t know. 

WHEN FJORD? YOU HAVEN’T ASKED. SO WHEN DID YOU TRY? WHEN DID YOU WANT TO AND DIDN’T? WHAT CONVERSATION WAS YOU CAREFULLY TRYING TO SEE IF SHE STILL LOVES YOU? I NEED ANSWERS

Beau: You have to kinda be direct with Jester. Like, if you tried to side-step it-

Fjord: I get that. It’s just that there are more pressing matters at hand

I KNEW HE WASN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING DURING TC BECAUSE SHE’S SO STRESSED ALREADY AND HE WANTS HER TO HAVE HER TIME AND ALL THEIR SUPPORT WITHOUT ADDING STRESS

Fjord: And… I feel like I’m the fourth version of myself since I left Port Damali. And I feel like it could change again in a month or three months. I feel as if the ground is shifting underneath my feet every few nights that I wake up. And it’s crazy, I actually love cause it’s all been for the better, it no matter how crazy it’s been, but what I wanted when this all began is so far in the past I can’t… I forget about it sometimes. It comes for me in the middle of the night. But… Jester is hard to ignore. 

I HAVE (as you might expect) SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS WHOLE LITTLE MONOLOGUE 

FJORD SUMMING UP SO MUCH OF HIS ARC AND HOW HE’S STILL NOW TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF AND WHO HE REALLY IS AND HOW HE KEEPS CHANGING AND GROWING

but clearly that lack of stability, as much as it thrills him, it also makes him anxious, not knowing who he will be next and what he will believe and what he will want

AN ALLUSION TO HIS DEATH THAT WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT BUT CLEARLY —CLEARLY— IS STILL IN HIS MIND AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO ADRESS ASAP PLS 

And then, right there after the nod to his death, Jester comes back into the statement. Fjord describes the changes and turmoil in his life like all of that is already too much to also focus on love… and then says but she’s still there, in my mind, by my side, all the time. In that mess of these pasts few months, Jester is his lighthouse

Beau: Yeah, no. I- I know! I’m pretty certain literally everyone has a crush on her. 

Fjord *panics like that Joey meme*: WHAT?

Beau: Like, at least all of Mighty Nein. I don’t know, though, but I’m pretty sure everyone she meets is like ‘well, I’d maybe kill for you, yeah’

Fjord: No, yeah, I totally agree with. 

ME TOO BJREAUS. ME TOO. 

Fjord: No, I- where is she?

I’M SO SAD THAT FJORD MISSED HIS PERCEPTION FOR HER BECAUSE I WONDER WHY TRAVIS WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY 

I HAVE THE FEELING THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE OTHER THAN BEING CAREFUL SHE WOULDN’T HEAR HIM

Fjord: I... 

LOVE HER? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY FJORD WHAT

THIS PAUSE IS SO LONG IT’S AGING ME

Fjord: You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don’t think you have any right to feel? Or you never thought that you might?

I AM SCREAMING  

FJORD

BABY 

WHY DON’T YOU THINK YOU’RE EVEN ALLOWED TO LOVE HER

WHY NOT??

YOU DESERVE LOVE AND TO BE LOVED AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN LOVE HER LIKE PLS TRAVIS WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME ALL THIS PINING MY ROMANTIC ASS CAN’T HANDLE THIS

BUT ALSO LOOK AT THAT SMILE

HE’S SO IN AWE WITH HIS OWN FEELINGS AND HAPPINESS

Fjord: And that feels... off... because I should know how I feel or what I want! 

*low wisdom frustration intensifies*

Fjord: But... there’s a gravity around Jester, at least to me, and she’s the one I’ve known longest in this new part of my... life. And I really thought that when this started there would be an end for me in this, and I would get even or retribution or payback and then I’d be... done. And it hasn’t been that way at all! It shriveled up and died and in its place seven new interests sprouted and... 

[i can’t type the whole Academy thing, im too tired and this is so long already but what a great throwback]

Listen listen listen tho

i wanna talk about this

i wanna talk about fjord noticing jester’s crush and not acting on this because he was convinced the m9 were temporary

i want to talk about a part of him always feeling like this will eventually end and be ripped away from him and how then it kept going and going 

and this woman he met was just such a steady and supportive presence in his life through it all that finally, finally after months, he can’t deny that she’s part of his life for good??

but that also explains what he said before and how he’s afraid that he’ll change again and lose this

like, there’s SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE GUYS SO MUCH ABOUT THEIR EARLY HISTORY AND WHERE THEY STAND NOW

Fjord: I... I... I want Jester to be happy. 

Fjord: I do feel v-v-very strongly for her. 

FJORD LOOK SO FRUSTRATED WITH HIMSELF AS HE —WHO IS KNOWN FOR HIS SILVER TONGUE— STRUGGLES TO PUT INTO WORDS HIS FEELINGS AND KEEPS FREAKING STUTTERING SO MUCH IM SO

Fjord: But I also know, when this began, her affections might have been based entirely on whimsy... I don’t know!

I AM LIVING FOR THIS ANGST

FIRST OF ALL: SECOND CONFIRMATION THAT FJORD NOTICED ALL THE FLIRTING

SECOND OF ALL: HIS INSECURITIES COMING FORTH AND TELLING HIM MAYBE SHE NEVER LIKED HIM ANYWAY

THIRD AND FOREMOST: I FREAKING LOVE THIS TROPE OF PINING SWITCHAROO AND THE WAY THIS REFLECT JESTER’S DOUBTS DURING THE PIRATE ARC ABOUT MAYBE FJORD NOT BEING WHO SHE FIRST MET AND THE WAY THEY KEEP SECOND GUESSING THEIR OWN JUDGMENT OF EACH OTHER EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW EACH OTHER THE BEST

AND LISTEN LISTEN IM JUST

this is the perfect parallel to her talk with caleb in darktow ok

and im fucking living for this angst and this doubts and to see fjord yearn for her the way she did for so long 

WHAT A DELICIOUS DYNAMIC 

Fjord: And I don’t really feel like asking, either. I almost don’t wanna... know.

THAT HESITATION DESTROYS ME SO MUCH

FJORD IS SO SCARED TO RUIN THINGS, TO LOSE HER, TO HAVE CONFIRMATION THAT HIS FEELINGS AREN’T RECIPROCATED

but here’s the thing. He’s ok with that. He doesn’t expect her to love him back, doesn’t need her to feel the same way. Fjord is just happy loving her and being her friend and being here to support her and make her happy. That’s enough. 

How selfless is that? How absolutely romantic and painful and heartfelt? 

I love this so much. This love isn’t possessive nor demanding. All he wants, all he really asks for, is the chance to make sure she’s happy and safe. 

He requires nothing in return. Being around her light and showering in her warmth are enough. She’s already given him so much support, he can’t ask more... certainly not love in the way he would want, in the way he would hope, because life has never told him he’s worthy of such thing —not a monster like him— so why would she? 

Fjord: I just like it and, to me, as long as she’s alright...

hOW MANY TIMES BY NOW HAS FJORD SAID IN DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS “as long as she’s alright” “as long as she’s happy” “as long as she’s not getting hurt” “as long as she trusts him” HE KEEPS REPEATING IT LIKE IT’S THE ONE THING THAT TRULY MATTERS TO HIM IN THE WORLD IM-

Fjord: It seems like this is not a permanent... thing. It’s not like we’re gonna leave her in this island and we’re gonna just go off which I was worried about before, but it sounds like it’s all... for show and it might be the Nein again after all this.

HEAR ME OUT

FJORD WAS WORRIED ABOUT JESTER LEAVING

ABOUT JESTER STAYING HERE

ABOUT JESTER TAKING OFF WITH THE TRAVELER AND NOT LOOKING BACK

and we know that was a possibility right?

BUT I THINK BACK TO THE VERY FIRST TIME SHE MENTIONED THIS (iirc it was after the giants fight way back during their second xhorhasian mission) HE SEEMED CONCERNED ABOUT JESTER GOING FOR GOOD. THERE WAS A HESITATION THERE

But really I wanna know how long... how long has Fjord been worried about her leaving, about loosing her... how much of what’s been going on has been him —without saying it— concerned that she’s about to leave the group, how many of their interactions and conversations (”i’m glad you’re here”, “we are happy to have you”, all the talks about disappearing and leaving the sad parts of the world behind) had him secretly concerned that she would soon leave??

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LATER HALF OF THE EPISODE

Fjord: and then, I don’t know what. I wanna explore the world! I want to see the lands we haven’t seen! I want to find the things that people are scared of and solve them or do what everyone else needs to do...

Fjord: but....... I- I hope- I hope she’s a part of that

I’M SCREAMING PLS BOY HE’S SO IN LOVE AND ALL BUT CONFESSING IT HELP ME PLS

the way he deflates and gets very quiet and earnest as he admits this????

im sobbing

[im not gonna get on Beauyasha territory because as much as that made me want to scream too this is soooo long already that i feel like that deserves a meta on its own]

i do wanna point out that fjord definitely seemed kinda jealous when Beau started describing her former crush on Jester

Like, he’s so excited to talk about her and Yasha but when Beau brings past feelings into this you can feel a note of panic and defensiveness as he says 

Beau: so I definitely had a crush on Jester, just since we’re drunk and we can be...

Fjord: when you said it before, it was like a thing... you had a real crush on Jester?

Beau: well, she’s so enigmatic, like you said and she just like... she’s got this way... just when she talks...

Fjord: 

Fjord: I’m talking about Yasha! You can go back to Yasha! It’s- uhm-

HE’S SO ANNOYED IM LAUGHING SO HARD

also fun thing

it’s similar to when he’s reacted to the traveler before and jester calling artagan handsome lmfao

im just saying 

and I like that he’s being supportive and he listens and all, even when Beau brings Jester back up... but then he confirms that Beau’s feelings for Yasha are deeper than for Jester and he definitely seems happy with that answer, both for Beau’s happiness (you know Fjord is so excited about these two since forever but especially the way he asks when he turns the tables on Beau he’s so excited for her!) but also because maybe it means one less chance that his own feelings won’t be reciprocated? like an... “alright, so we are good? with this? this is not going to hurt your feelings if i.. if i do love her?” and i think that’s very sweet? like regardless he’s gauging the depth of Beau’s feelings in this regard and I think if she confessed something deeper he would, heartbrokenly, step back and let her have a chance... especially since he’s happy just loving Jester from afar

ANYWAY

I WILL KEEP YELLING ABOUT THIS CONVO IN MY CORNER

AND OTHER MOMENTS THAT I WILL PROBABLY BREAK DOWN LATER

BUT THAT’S ALL FOR NOW

OKAY THAT’S A LOT OF YELLING

bye