#im trying to like. sort of teach myself a online classes

[sanguinewolves]

also really annoyed abt the fact that most schools dont offer asl as a language option. btw

[mudstoneabyss]

so much of my blogging whenever I have classes is complaining about them but erm. in my defense they're stressful and overwhelming

[ravenite-reblogs]

working between commissions and lowkey falling into a block because I haven't taken a technical art class that isn't about stupid design in a while so I might just do a bunch of studying again and post sketches from that...

RANT/VENT:

one thing i do like about this fandom is being able to look at art I like for hours and sort of adopt it into my style... esp seeing how more experienced n educated artists draw things I struggle with helps a lot, sometimes I feel like bc i'm self taught there's always a lot of stiffness and bad habits that I have kind of developed into cheating my art to look alright but then when it comes to the actual anatomy, understanding of the shapes and structure behind it, it's always been just the trying to find ways to cheat it... and it is always frustrating that I don't have professors and other artists to refer to for critique when I feel like this because nobody in this godforsaken shit city offers good fucking fine arts that isn't the same three drawing II and painting I classes, and the only live drawing studio class is NORTH, which is like an hour drive twice a week for a $400 class.

I am p sure there are ENTIRE art courses online that are $400 and teach me more about what I need to look for from Industry professionals than another 80 year old hippy man (no hate to them cuz they're usually pretty chill art professors) but they never consider that a young generally feminine presenting art student has an interest in story based illustration and sequential art, all they think about is abstract realism and surrealism gallery painting work. im tireeedd.

If I work on enough commissions by the end of July I might actually be able to pay for a proper art class even if its online.. i might need at least 5-10 more commissions depending on price and complexity and just hope my hand doesn't fucking explode! I hate not being eligible for financial aide bc I'm fucking sure I could get a full ride into art school if I fucking wanted to.

I keep putting myself through fucking hell to get the things I want but yk what?? I keep getting them in the end, and its never fair but I genuinely cannot fathom doing anything but art in life, so if I have to fucking suffer for it??? bring down hell on fucking earth for me.

[uncloseted]

i’m having a crisis and i don’t know what to do. i’m 22, i have my associates degree and i’m currently going to classes for my bachelors but i feel like im just not enjoying it anymore. i’ve always wanted to travel and take a break but i live my myself now and just work all the time and go to school and i feel so stuck permanently and i feel like just withdrawing, saving my money and driving to another city or another state or something because i’m so tired of my life and i’m not doing well in my classes because they aren’t interest to me anymore. idk what to do. i’m 22 and i feel stuck and i don’t know anymore honestly. part of me just wants to move to LA and pursue acting or something bc i have friends in the industry and i think i could cut it but it’s like i’m so stressed about money and going down the traditional route but surely there’s more to life than how i’m feeling right now???

Yes, there's definitely more to life than what you're feeling right now. In my experience, the most freeing thing is to realize that life has no rules. Sure, lots of people go to college and get jobs when they graduate and get married and have families, but nobody has to do those things. And with some creativity, the things that we think are impossible for us to do are actually very achievable.

In your case, it might be a good idea to take a leave of absence from school for a year or to see if you can do your courses entirely online. School will still be an option once you figure out what you want; protecting your mental health is important now.

As for what you do with that time off and how you afford it, there are all sorts of different ways to do it depending on your interests, skills, and experience. If you're interested in traveling, you either want a job you can do remotely, a job that requires you to travel, or a job that will house you in a different place from where you currently live.

If you want a job that’s remote, try applying for typing & transcription positions, web design, test driving websites, copywriting, taking and selling photographs, proofreading, translation (if you speak a second language) or data entry. If you have any sort of tech skills (or are willing to learn) those are also really great for remote work. Things like social media management are also great remote tech jobs. These types of jobs are typically freelance so they can be a bit of a hustle, but if you don't mind that, they're really convenient.

In terms of jobs that will require you to travel or that will sponsor your move, consider things like being an au pair or nanny, teaching English abroad, being an in-home carer or housesitter, working at a hostel, hotel, or resort, working on a cruise ship or a yacht, volunteering for the Peace Corps or other organizations like it, or WWOOFing (farming/gardening). Check out AnyWork AnyWhere for these types of job postings. These jobs typically don't pay super well, but often they'll give you free housing, and sometimes other perks like free food as well.

If your school offers it, you could also look into study abroad programs or even look into transferring to a school in a different country. That may or may not fix the burnout you're feeling with regards to your degree, but it's a relatively easy way to travel.

If all of those options feel too big for you right now, you could also just try taking a road trip or other type of getaway for a few days. Maybe it's going camping by yourself for a weekend, or even just going to stay at a friend's place. Getting out of your environment might help you to recharge.

[ps-im-blind]

Dear Sighted Teachers,

So you have a BVI student in your class...

As a VIP myself, I like to think I’ve learned the habits of an accessible teacher or classroom, so I thought I’d share some tips on how to be the best teacher possible for you BVI and help them get the most out of your class.

Tip 1: Stay. Calm.

No, you don’t need to learn braille or any new skills in order to teach these kids. Don’t freak out! It’s going to be okay. Yes, there are plenty of laws and accommodations and such to keep in mind, but there are also plenty of resources to help you. And for the record, you are not likely to get fired or anything if you forget to make one special copy or comply with a specific accommodation. Accidents happen and people make mistakes. We do too, and we understand. Instead, focus on staying confident, because (and this goes for sighted kids too) if you’re not confident in your ability to teach, then we won’t feel confident in our ability to succeed in your class.

Tip 2: Befriend the TVI

When it comes to knowing what the student needs, the TVI (Teacher for the Visually Impaired) is going to be your go-to person. Obviously, most older students will be able to address concerns to you themselves, but if you’re working with younger kids, sometimes the student may not even realize there’s a problem. The TVI will be able to explain what the student needs and what accommodations you need to comply with. It helps to have a notecard or something that includes their name, email, phone number and extension, and room number/building (if applicable). Before the school year starts (or within the first week) contact them and start that connection.

Tip 3: Just make the darn big copies!!!

Add it to your calendar. Put a sticky note on your desk. Tell Siri or Alexa or whoever to remind you. If you have a TA, tell them to remind you. If you have to send yourself a postcard or a candy gram with the message then do it. I know it’s annoying sometimes. I know the printer doesn’t always work. I know it’s frustrating to remember such specific things and all for just one student out of many. But when a student is declared as needing these kinds of services, it means that we literally cannot function without them. Trust me. It’s even more frustrating to have to stay after school to make up a test or feel excluded in a group project because you can’t read the material or feel like you’re holding up everyone else by being one step behind. These accommodations are important no matter what you’re teaching. Don’t know how to enlarge things on a printer? Find someone who does (this is where the TVI will be your best friend). Out of that “giant paper?” Try sending it electronically (in an email or on Canvas/Google Classroom). Not sure what format or font works best? Experiment! Dedicate time to this and you will save so much more time and energy later on.

Don’t expect them to be the best...but do t expect them to fail either.

Just like no two sighted people are the same, no two blind people are the same. There are some of us who love school, and some of us who don’t. There are some of us who are good at math and others who aren’t. Please don’t expect us to fail, but if we do, don’t blame it on our vision (or lack there of). We will have days when we forget homework and fail tests. We will have days when we flat out didn’t pay attention in class. Don’t go easy on us if you wouldn’t for a sighted child, and don’t be afraid to hold us accountable for our actions. But also remember that we will have our days when we give a stellar presentation, or make an A+ on a test or submit a great paper. And it’s not because we are some sort of inspiration— please don’t tell us, or other students that we are. It’s because we are human and just as capable of success as any person. Never forget that.

Sincerely,

A blind girl

PS: With COVID-19 changing how many people will be learning, I will be doing a Part 2 soon on how to accommodate a blind student both in-person (with social distancing) and online. If you haven’t already, follow @ps-im-blind for more!

[actuallyvady]

I wasn't planning to be unemployed for as long as I've been (almost an entire year now with the exception of a job i held for two months but was terrified of something similar happening to me that caused me to leave my last job) and my partner has been so supportive and she really is amazing being the breadwinner. but we just can't afford to only have one income any longer. Plus I've been feeling guilty as HELL about it.

I've been hesitant to get back to work partly because dealing with antimaskers was a nightmare the short amount of time I have worked during this pandemic. and partly because I have really bad respiratory issues but now that I'm getting my second vaccine next week I don't have that as an excuse anymore.

I'm glad your family is so supportive and understanding. Thanks for letting me vent in your ask I feel like my friends (while non of them say it) think I'm being a giant baby about having to work another shitty job. because a lot of people work shitty jobs and just deal with it. but WHY. like why are we all so complacent in this hellscape we call society? we were not born for misery. and we absolutely weren't born to be yelled out over things out of our control. I really wanted to find a work from home job or at least a job I wasn't working with costumers but the only places hiring/calling me back based on my experience are costumer service jobs. and retail I think caused some of my worst anxiety issues and it certainly made my depression much worse. but here I am going back to it. like. the pandemic has been stressful but I've felt much better not being berated by people on a daily basis or doing work so soul crushing I feel like my brain is rotting.

I do plan to talk to my doctor and I really want to find a therapist but im having a hard time finding someone accepting clients or who specalizes in the shit I already should have been seeing a therapist for in the first place. im still young enough to be on my parents health insurance at the very least but thats another reason I had to get this job. I turn 26 next year. I feel like I've done nothing with my life. I don't want to die I don't think but I don't want to live like this.

I’m glad you have a supportive partner <3

I don’t think you’re being a baby about it, tbh I think you’re being realistic. It’s shitty as hell that people have to work, have to put up with the worst conditions just to keep themselves alive. Yes, a lot of people do put up with it, and maybe, in practical terms, you’ll have to tolerate it for a while as well... but it isn’t bad to recognize how shitty it is and to want to find another way.

I obviously don’t know any specifics about you or your situation so I can’t, like, offer specific advice, but-- if there is a kind of work you can picture yourself doing, perhaps working towards that as a goal can help ease the pain of your current situation? Like. Teach yourself new skills on your days off, when you have the capacity. Or take online classes, or try to find a community (a writing group, if you want to be a writer, that sort of thing). I talk about using distractions to keep myself from going under, but distractions are even more effective when they feel productive.

Retail is the actual worst and I hope you find a way to get out of it. I ended up stumbling into a manufacturing job, before the pandemic, and the simple fact that I never had to deal with customers made it the best “I have to work to survive” job I’ve ever had. (Not that manufacturing jobs are particularly great, but at least it wasn’t retail, you know?)

It’s funny, I find myself wanting to say things to you that are basically what I need to hear right now-- I’m 36 and I feel like I have done nothing with my life, and I don’t particularly want to die but I also don’t want to keep living like this. I don’t know if it will help you to hear, but my friends are always quick to assure me that even if I feel like I have contributed nothing, my presence in their lives is worthwhile, and I contribute simply by existing. So that’s what I will say to you: your existence, your life, and your presence in the lives of those around you is worthwhile. You exist, and therefore you have not done nothing; your existence makes the world better for the people around you. You do not need to earn your place. You are more than your job, more than your productivity, and the good you bring to the world by being you is more than enough.

[ttlmt]

Ooo, I didn't know you play guitar! I've been thinking about picking it up but I'm not sure where to start. What's your favorite thing about the guitar and do you have any favorite songs to play on it?

i do!! i talk a bit more about how i started here, essentially i took lessons years ago, hated them, taught myself ukulele, and then in 2019 i decided to pick it up again and i loved it and now i play all the time.

its not a super difficult instrument to teach yourself, i found it easier to start with something smaller like a ukulele and then move up (i have very short stubby hands so chord shapes were very difficult when i first started lmao) but with practice, its not too bad. most of the regular chords are pretty easy or can be modified to be easy, theres so many tutorials and tips online, and you don’t have to read sheet music! i def suggest getting a capo right away, which allows you to change the key of your guitar really easily. some people would say its cheating, in my opinion it just allowed me to play the songs i wanted easily without getting frustrated cause i could use easier chords and not get stuck.

for me, playing any instrument is very calming and a good distraction. it gives my adhd brain just the right amount of stimulation where im doing something with my hands, trying to remember chords and stuff with my brain, and also get to sing and make music which i love so much, so i guess thats probably my favourite thing.

in terms of favourite songs: pretty much whatever im listening to at the moment lol. so rn its a lot of rks (first class is one of my faves), harry styles, noah reid, noah kahan, and adam melchor. i also really love playing “little black submarines” and “house of the rising sun” cause theyre sort of moderate difficulty, i adore the sound of them, and they make me feel like a rockstar lmao cause i usually play more acoustic songs.

i wish you all the luck!! it is v fun and super cool to be able to like play an instrument and jam with friends. i’m by no means an expert, i just play for fun and im completely self taught so this is all opinion, but its def something i really love to do (and talk about apparently lol sorry this is so long). if you ever want tips or to chat hmu!

[wormssss]

so. basically. tl;dr i ffuucking hate school it sucks and it doesnt. do ANYTHING but make things worse . anyway.

the schooling system like. it sucks for me specifically in a few ways idk abt anyone else. for starters; neurodivergency literally at all makes it so hard to function in a classroom environment. its so loud? idk if anyone else gets that in their classrooms but you can hear my class of 23~ from the bottom floor of the 3 story building and that’s considered quiet. as well as like, i cannot function in a classroom without my friends? im out at school and like.... everyones.. transphobic obv why wouldnt they be, and its not in like a..any avoidable way. if i sit with the guys they’ll refuse to talk to me and deadname me all period adn if i sit with the girls theyll laugh at me every time i fucking breathe idk, but the school still thinks putting me in a classroom with kids that visibly hate me and see me as a CRINGE ENTERTAINMENT IRONY MACHINE is like a good idea? and a good way for me to make friends? i dont know if its my luck or if they’re deliberately doing it, but, next term for example i have drama and cooking as classes. two of my friends also have cooking ....but they dont have me in their class. they’re together. but im not in their class. im on my own because other than them and the girl who already did cooking these past two terms (so she cant do it next term) i have.... no other friends. so im definitely in a class of complete strangers! and the way they have this school, you have no choice but to work with someone else in a cooking class...... you are paired with someone in the same mini kitchen and its a disaster but i digress.

also, like. school goes for 6 hours. by the time you get home and get changed and get settled, its sunset so you can’t go out and do anything. you can’t go to the park or climb a tree. youre stuck inside. your family is like groggy from work or whatever and doesnt want to talk to you. you have no energy to get online and talk to your friends online. or theyre asleep. so basically at least for me i get... no time to actually talk to my friends, for example i havent had an actual conversation with piper in like... two months i swear. we’ve forgotten how to talk to eachother and that actually goes with all of my friends. by the weekend we’re still awkward because we havent spoken in months so we can’t really even talk. and because of this rigid like, routine you have to have to actually be able to go to school at all (wake up 7. eat. get dressed. go to school. come home. get changed. eat. shower. go to bed. repeat), i actually like.... find myself. forgetting Everything. i dont know what it is about strict routine where i cannot be myself (my school has a strict and ugly uniform), but it makes me ... completely forget everything slowly and my memory decays. my time blindness gets worse to the point where i dont know what month it is on a regular basis and like... i ditch a lot? because of this? maybe if the schedule didnt make me dissociate and forget everything i wouldnt ditch constantly and like. actually go to school. but like my attendance is... im not at school 25% of the time because i physically cannot go every single day and attend to that rigid and exact cycle that doesnt even teach me anything

doesnt even teach me anything? i dont ... learn anything from school. they like. reteach the same meaningless part of a subject every single year. every year in religious studies in october i learn about the rosary and we spend a lot of the period praying the rosary and i like. ok. cool. its a religious school yeah but what am i actually learning from this. and every year in social studies we learn abt the waitangi treaty but the way they teach it is so whitewashed and utopian and its fucked and they teach it the same way every year around the same time. and anzac day. and in math im not going to use any of those skills you teach me, i dont care about algebra or anything because thats not really going to actually help me in my life im an artist for fucks sake teach me about managing my own finances! teach me how to do taxes! teach me how to function in the society i live in! teach me the important things that ill sink under or die without knowing i want to actually know important things but by cramming so many unimportant things in my brain all the time i forget the actual important things, i fucking failed basic addition and subtraction last year, i’ve forgotten division and multiplication past the 10 times table, but i can vaguely read an algebra equasion BUT FUCKING ALGEBRA EQUASIONS WILL NEVER UFCKING GET ME ANYWJERE!!!!! and it makes me so fucking angry i want to learn and function and KNOW

and the way they tightly bundle everyone to being one conforming individual who dresses like everyone else, is at the same intelligence level as everyone else, is a catholic like everyone else, does not question authority as everyone else or does not question themselves like everyone else or think like anyone else OR BE DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE makes me want to FUCKING THROW UP. there are so many hopes and dreams that i remember watching from primary school to now sink into a hopeless pit of stereotypes and basic conformity, people who used to be nice are suffocated into being horrible people so that theyre liked by their peers or get anny attention from the school at all, guys who used to respect women (god forbid) suddenly becoming horrible to anyone of any slightly different gender identity but you can actually see on their face how weird it is to them, waves of 11-14 year olds getting nose studs that get infected and they’re forced to have them taken out by the school, kids trying to do their makeup to look like SOMEONE to BE AT ALL DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE are put right back in their place and told to take it all off and their parents are called and if youre caught with the wrong jacket your parents are called and youre told youre too poor to wear what the school provides yet THEY DONT EVEN LET YOU WEAR WHAT THE SCHOOL PROVIDES WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 70 DOLLAR HOODIE FOR WHEN YOU WONT LET ME WEAR IT WHILE IM SHIVERING I DONT SEE THE POINT OF ENFORCING SUCH TIGHT POINTLESS SMALL BOUNDARIES OF WHAT A PERSON CAN BE WHY IS IT SO LIMITED? are we not allowed to do anything? you cant even have one strip of hair dye yet a teacher can have a full head of bright purple hair what’s that about? you can have antisemetic pins on your senior year blazer jacket but the second you put a pride pin on there youre called to the principals office and asked why youre promoting this to kids

you try a speech on trans rights and they dont even pass you and pretend its because you got over the time limit but you didnt, you timed it yourself for your friends you didnt get over the time limit and you know it but you didnt even place in fourth you placed last out of 6 or 8 and you wonder why that is because every year in the past you soared into first so whats that about???? in my speech i said be yourself and dont be afraid to experiment with your gender lightly and they told me to take it out because its seen as too much and i said what the fuck? that’s the most important part of my speech, i want to promote acceptance in others and the self and they said take it out or you cant present your speech. they actively suffocate any sort of self expression or nonconformity of any sort you have to be a plain cookiecutter boy or girl and thats it you cannot be anything else, for nearly 6 months theyve fought me and my mom about my hair but if anyones being hurt by it its me because it draws more attention to the kid you can call slurs, are you hurt because im actually expressing myself? are you hurt by my little sharp stud earrings and my industrial piercing and the embroidered cuff on my shirt? are you offended by the heart on my belt or the platforms on my school shoes because the last time i checked none of these were illegal things to have at school

this kind  of got a lot angrier than i meant to make it but ive been . really angry abt this for the past year idk. i really just wanted to write this because i ahvent spoken to piper properly in months and the way we talk now seems like when we just met but i cannot carry a conversation anymore because school knocked the wind out of me all over again and the sudden inability to talk to any of my friends online makes me want to scream until my lungs give out im so tired

[brykisheaven]

 i didn’t want to make a post like this because i dont a pity party or anything but i have to get this out of my head before i end up bottling it up and making it worse like i’ve done before.  //tw: body shame, verbal abuse, suicide mentions, racism (small mention) , long text in general tbh//

over the past couple of months, my life at home has been completely all over the place, every day when i wake up i feel like it’s just a cycle of nothing, all i do is sit at home doing online classes and finishing massive amounts of homework, some even due the next day. my back is so tired from just sitting down and typing and it has just made me so bored and stressed out. more so these days, the only reason i even bother to do my homework is because i can also talk to my friends on discord while im doing them, which makes me slightly feel better, sometimes i even give up on doing homework just to talk to them because it gives me a better reason to wake up than just do the same thing over and over again. it’s a horrible feeling that i hate but im very thankful i have my friends to make me feel a bit better. but my situation with my parents is more worse than this and sadly my friends cannot help with it, but they also help me stay somewhat happy while this shitstorm goes down every day. my parents have been getting more and more angry towards each other also, which makes my situation even worse, my father (who doesn’t live with me anymore) is so fucking horrible and stubborn, he makes racist jokes which i hate and i always tell him how he should stop being a fucking idiot and a jerk but he wont listen and just tells me “it’s a joke” but it’s fucking not, or at least its a fucking horrible disgusting joke, alongside that, he also makes me feel like i cannot do anything, i hate being with him and i dont even see him as my father anymore, nowadays i just see him as a random man my mother makes me go with only because he’s related to me in a way. his wife is also a fucking bitch who hates the living hell out of me and my sisters, she always complains about us and how we’re “uneducated” or “bad-behaved”, well bitch guess what at least im not a fucking prick who ruins peoples lives am i??? i cant even pretend to be happy anymore, im just so done pretending to be fine with this. I just came back from staying with him and i’m just so glad im home, the 2 days i spent with him after a whole 3 months were the worst of my life basically, i pretended to do my homework just so he could leave me alone, i began crying myself to sleep while drawing because that was the only thing that made me feel better somewhat. i dont want him to even stay in contact with my mother, all the time he just argues how im doing things wrong and that my mother is a bad example and teaching me wrong things, he blames her for the reason i have a rather thick body and it makes me so mad. my mother isn’t that great either but at least she tries to understand me, unlike my father who always thinks he’s right. i cant even wear dresses or skirts because all he does is tell me how ridiculous i look and how i should be skinny like every other girl, and every time he tells me that all i do is just ignore him but when i come home, i just want to vomit until all i see is blood. i’ve stopped eating for weeks one time because of this, im too afraid to even wear anything beside jumpers because it’ll reveal what my body type is. i hate how i cant even like myself, some times i feel like i should start cutting myself or try to kill myself again because whatever i do, it’s wrong to him, maybe if i die he’ll think i did something right. what i did right was not exist isn’t it? i dont want to though because i have such good friends on here and i dont want to leave them. my friends are the one of the only few reasons i even am here anymore, if it wasn’t for them i wouldn’t even bother. i would probably just cry and hope the next day i get run over or something like that.  my father also always complains about how im doing a stupid hobby and i wont get anything out of drawing and sometimes calls me a mistake because i dont want to have a “real” job like everyone else in out family, but guess what idiot, drawing is a real job and one day i will prove it to him that this isn’t some stupid hobby, but now this has also taken a toll on my art and confidence to post any of it, im too scared to post my art because im afraid people just think it’s stupid or im annoying them by posting too much or too little.  i haven’t gotten many complaints about it but every time i post anything i overthink and worry for a while hoping they wont hate it. so far i think i’ve been getting better managing the anxiety of it but another thing that worries me is the thought people might get angry of me drawing 4 all the time.  the reason why i draw 4 so much is because she’s sort of like a comfort character to me, she was made out of my feelings and was a persona for a short amount of time, i put a lot of myself into her and i love drawing her but i worry people will get bored of seeing her all the time, so thats why i might stop posting content for a bit. 4 is something special to me, whenever i get upset or feel happy, i feel like she’s making me feel happy, it sounds stupid but 4 has helped me overcome many of my bad thoughts and feelings, she’s also one of the reasons im still trying to be happy. thats the reason why i draw her so much. and i wont stop to draw her, and im sorry if you dont like to see her so much but i will not stop to do so, if it bothers you that much please unfollow me. im so sorry i rambled for so long thank you for reading and i love you ((also to devon and soapy and mel, if you’ve read up to here, i love you guys with all my heart i love you too much thank you))  💕

[jeannereames]

Hello, Dr. Reames! I love your work (and am very excited to read your novels very soon!). I am thinking of doing a phd (not history or classics, but maybe sort of related to Alexander) but I'm scared that I'm not going to have the motivation to go through with the whole thing... Do you ever lose motivation and get discouraged when researching/writing and how do you deal with it? I know that this is completely unrelated to Alexander/ancient history so feel free to ignore it☺

Hi, there! This reply is going to be in 3 parts. First, about my own motivation…

I think everybody (even Alexander!) has periods of feeling discouraged. It’s part of being human. This is especially true when something you put days, weeks, or sometimes *years* of effort into doesn’t work out, or isn’t well-received, or comes back with “revise and resubmit.” Ha.

So, real life recent example:  About a year and a half ago, I finished an article that took me (literally) 5 years to research and write, because it combined research into two different areas, only one of which is my research area. It took a huge amount of reading, and I’d even presented it at a couple of conferences, where I received good feedback. It was supposed to be published in conference proceedings, but that fell through (not my part of it, the entire publication didn’t happen because the editor quit). So I had to shop it around to journals. It went out to three readers, and all three returned it with “Revise (substantially) and resubmit,” + large *additional* bibliography (mostly not in English) in the area not my field. Two of the readers thought my chief point was valid, but needed more support. (The third just flat disagreed with me, but it’s academia; that happens.) But that was after it had been presented 3xs already, and revised after each.

OTOH, I was pretty discouraged. But OTOH, the suggestions and reading lists were helpful. These are blind reviews, so it wasn’t personal. And the entire point of peer review is to help a book or article improve. Lord knows, nobody wants to put out something that will get you laughed at. But after all the time I’d already spent on it, it was still really discouraging as I’d thought it in pretty good shape.

Almost everybody in academia is going to have an article or three turned down, or a book refused, etc. And after a while, it can be really hard to keep trying. And it’s not just in academia.

Do you know how long it took me to sell Dancing with the Lion? 15 years! I got my first serious query from an agent in 1996. (The first words of the novel were written in December of 1988–that’s how old it is.) That agent eventually decided it wasn’t for her. I’ve had a couple others since…same thing. I’ve sent out probably around 500 queries to agents or publishers. In fact, I’d put the book AWAY and started a completely different trilogy (which I’m in the middle of now), because I figured it would only sell later.

Then I happened to read comments about Madeline Miller’s A Song for Achilles written by an English professor and new acquisitions editor at Riptide. She liked it, but there were a couple of things she really didn’t like. And they were the very ways (I thought) my novel was different. So I emailed her. She asked for sample chapters, then the whole thing, and finally, Riptide offered me a contract. They’re not a major press, they’re a Romance publisher primarily, but they were willing to take a chance on my coming-of-age historical, so I grabbed the opportunity. Now the book is out (well, the first half is), and it’s getting pretty decent reviews.

So persistence can pay off.

That said, if someone else had told me that story 10 years ago, I’d have snorted and said (in my mind), “Maybe it did for you. Maybe I’m just a bad writer and I’ll never succeed.” I’d also just been through a divorce and was having trouble selling my house in the housing bust, etc., etc. So a lot of things in my life were pear-shaped at the time, and that can make it really hard to keep trudging.

The “Dark Night of the Soul” is a real thing, and we all go through it.

The only way I get through it, myself, is to remember things in the past that went well, times I succeeded. Plus, I’m just a really stubborn SOB. Ha.

But discouragement is normal, and there will be points in everybody’s life where not just one or two things are going wrong, but it seems as if EVERYthing is going wrong and you’re just a total failure. You have to believe it’ll get better.

Now, part #2, about motivation to complete a degree. It’s a bit like the AA motto: one day at a time. Or really, one semester at a time. One hurdle at a time. When I first got to Penn State, the long, long road ahead made me freak out a little, but Gene Borza (my advisor) told me to take it in bites. And to remember that other people had made it through; I could, as well.

Also, don’t let yourself get thrown by “Imposter’s Syndrome.” This is the feeling that you don’t belong somewhere: in grad school, in a PhD program, in a department (or really, ANY arena). You’re not as good as the others. Minorities, women, and first-generation college students are those most likely to suffer imposter’s syndrome, but it can hit others too, such as the children of academics (I’ll never measure up to mom/dad), etc.

Last, part #3, and this may seem an odd coda to all the above rah-rah cheerleading. But as a (now former) graduate program chair, I would be terribly remiss if I didn’t put out a warning.

Not only is the field of humanities in trouble right now, in the US and Canada, and elsewhere, too, but the entire university system is changing. This latter is especially true in the US, but I hear rumblings from other places. Partly, this owes to the rise of online education. But even more, it’s what I call the “Wal-martization” of the university, where tenure-track lines are being replaced by a bunch of part-time instructors who have to teach 6 classes just to make enough to EAT. “Adjunct��� professors, even those with PhDs, are paid a pittance. It’s absolutely immoral and ridiculous.

Universities are turning into profit more than education, with a degree seen as “job training” instead of learning to think critically and exploring Big Questions, which are increasingly viewed as a waste of time. Administration levels are increasingly bloated with deans, assistant deans, supervisory boards, etc. They’re (mostly) not teaching, but their paycheques are high. Tenured faculty positions are being eliminated. Colleges and unis realized that they could turn over a lot of (especially intro and survey) courses to part-time instructors for a *fraction* of what they paid tenured and tenure-track faculty, but still reap high tuition.

When I was finishing up in the ‘90s, I was teaching as an adjunct while writing my dissertation, then for a bit after, as was expected for “teaching experience” before being hired. The phenomenon of the “Visiting Assistant Professor” (or VAP) was *starting* to gain traction, but was still usually just a year or two until these people would find a tenure-track position (VAP is not tenure-track). But now, I know people who’ve been VAPping for YEARS. And some just give up. Also, adjuncting like what I was doing has gone from “teaching experience for a real job” into “the only lane for employment” for a lot of PhD (and some MA) graduates. Especially women PhDs get caught in that trap.

These are the realities of where we are right  now.

And THE MOST USELESS DEGREE ON THE PLANET is a PhD in the humanities. I say that as one who holds it. With a few exceptions, a humanities PhD prepares you for pretty much one job: being a professor. And those jobs are winking out of existence with frightening speed. This is a change that has accelerated over the last 10 years, and especially over the last 5. We’re turning out PhDs with no available positions. Museum studies, Classics, archaeology, philosophy are in even worse shape. SOME history PhDs are more popular. This year, H-Net has a bunch of Latin American positions open, for instance.

An MA in history (or related) is still useful. There are certain jobs that like them, ranging from state jobs like the Park Service to the FBI and CIA.

But a PhD? Think loooooong and hard before investing that time and money. This is not a matter of *you* not being able to do the work to get one. It’s a matter of the university system as we’ve known it crumbling away under our very feet. I have no idea what the American university will look like in 10 years. And once you have a PhD, it educates you out of most other jobs.

So that’s the unfortunate bad news. And I’d be a very irresponsible advisor if I didn’t tell you the truth. IME, people who really want a PhD will ignore me and go after it anyway. But at least you’ll go in with your eyes open.

[6gpymfzi-blog]

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[blackvail22]

15 february 2021 (end of the day side note - there’s a lot of writing for today. sorry)

12:49am - i forgot i have a therapy appointment today. it’s at 1pm though so i shouldnt have to set an alarm. im supposed to bring something up, but i’m simply too scared to do so. i know i should probably just get it dont and over with though. im not feeling too well emotionally, but thats just how a regular night goes.

i’m almost done with an anime ive been watching, and i can say confidently that its my favorite one ive watched so far.

3:32am - when you’re tired how you really feel shows through (sometimes). i think i said that yesterday... anyway, not the point. i think that may be why nighttime is so painful for me. not only that but the silence, darkness... idkk. im thinking a lot tonight but im not gonna let it affrct me. im just gonna set some rest instead

3:45pm - i slept past my therapy appointment by 10 minutes :’) sighhh. it got rescheduled to next monday. kinda feel bad, not gonna lie.

6:00pm - i finished my animee. the ending was suchh a good one. there’s a reawakened version of it, so i’ll start that next.

8:36pm - in 2017 my family went to florida for a christmas vacation. we went to a few cities. in the first city, we stayed at a hotel that looked and was modeled like an apartment complex. i don’t know if this feeling like this is rational, but staying in that hotel made me feel like my family wasn’t struggling financially. it made me feel... some sort of middle class. the hotel was a few streets from the core of the city, too. it made me realize the life that i want in the future. i want to live in a nice apartment complex in the city. how am i going to get there? i have no fucking clue. i think i want to work in a book shop or some other store in a shopping mall. i thought about a library, but i have a fear of them when i get too far into the aisles. fast food is just... i think that it would make me overwhelmed way too easy; thinking about it gives me anxiety. a book store, the one in my town is never too busy and is nice to be in. i feel like a clothes store would be nice to work in too. i have a few options, but i will have to wait a few more months until i’m 16. i feel like starting a job during covid is kinda weird, too. i dont knowww. i want to start changing, y’know? i want to start becoming a person i want to be because i’m realizing that i want a future. i know that i can’t see it now, but i’ll be able to see it eventually. 

that’s what i’m going to live for, to see a future for myself and to see it (hopefully) come to life.

11:11pm - i asked my mom to help me get on track with my weight. i feel like working on this will help my motivation get better, and a higher motivation (to me) means i’ll be happier and more productive. of course, depression does cause demotivation, so i will have some days that will be difficult, but i plan to push through them. i want... i want to get out of this loop of self hatred. i know that my weight and stuff isnt the only thing that i need to focus on. for example, my grades arent looking good. actually, it’s only my math grade.

my math grade isnt well because 1. i dont watch the videos my teacher makes because of his voice. his voice reminds me of a teacher i had a few years ago that violated me. 2. i forget to do assignments and 3. i just dont understand math. i’ve had friends help me, and i understand while they help me, but i try to do it on my own and i dont remember what ive done. i’m not sure how to fix this. however, even though i dont know the material, while i do the homework, i (usually) teach myself how to do it. i also have test anxiety still, even though im doing it online.

okkay, i’m going to stop ranting now. i feel like today was a good day. i’m starting to help myself, and i’m going to start pushing forward even if i dont see the finishline.

[oliwiawidutoresearch]

Benchmarking: Primary School

As a benchmarking exercise, I contacted my friend Francesca who did a placement at 2 primary schools in the North Coast area, in order to ask what websites she used to download resources. She recommended Twinkl then very kindly lent me 2 Placement Report binders full of incredibly thorough documentation regarding both her placements. 📚

This was a real eye opener for me in terms of finding out how primary school education, the bedrock of all other education, is structured. 👩‍🏫At the beginning of each binder she had some information about the class including what technology is available: mostly whiteboards and tablets. 💻There was also a section outlining the number of children with learning disabilities, bereavements, and those for whom english was a second language. 👨‍👧‍👧

Furthermore, there was a little on strategies such as how the teacher gets the children’s attention or disciplines them - the latter isn’t something I actually thought much about in terms of design: integrating some kind of positive reinforcement tactic into my worksheets. 🧠Conveniently, Id attended a talk by Amy Bocher, author of “Engaged: Designing for Behaviour Change” who talked about techniques which she avails of in order to encourage positive lifestyle change through medical apps. I got the book instantly - below you can see a couple diagrams from her talk which I will reference further into the project - perhaps even analyse, but I think they make sense without my input for now.

The one which peaked my interest the most, was that breaking down motivation into autonomy, competence and relatedness. I think this is a great framework to begin designing from for education.

Back to Francesca.

The school curriculum was divided into: Numeracy, Literacy, WAU (World Around Us), RE and Arts. 🗒At the start of each section Francesca had a weekly plan which broke down the plan into lecture time (i.e. the teacher standing at the board and explaining a concept) which gradually blended into practical time. Practical time would be divided into personal, pair, group and whole class activities. 👩‍👧‍👧What was so interesting about this though, was the amount of interactive activities. 🤾‍♀️From what I read, it was very rare that the teacher would simply explain a topic - Francesca had a million ways of relating each topic to the real world with games and examples. Even in the lecture style activities, she would use props, ask loads of questions, get kids moving round the room etc.

I thought this was truly exceptional, and reflecting on my primary school vs high school and university experience, that interactivity is precisely what was missing from the latter two. I excelled at primary school, then went to a grammar school where I really struggled. I did get straight As, but hated the experience and grew quite disillusioned with learning and life by proxy of living through a negative feedback loop. The content simply wasn’t interesting. I cant help but think if it was better related to the world around us, the information would’ve been much more compelling. 🌍

Earlier in my research I spoke to a Learning Support Teacher who told me the best way to teach is to relate the unknown to the known. Breach the gap. Below I included a photo of a poem which is a fantastic memory aid a child can recite back when they forget related information (anyone else still sing the alphabet song when trying to remember the order of the letters?) and a carroll diagram which breaks down 3D shapes into the more familiar 2D shapes. 🔶🔺⬜️🔵

Reflecting on the education I’ve been receiving under lockdown, its only now that I realise Im missing the kinetic aspect - our heads may be engaged but sitting in front of laptops, are bodies simply aren’t and we cant underestimate how integral moving is to the human experience. 🏃‍♀️

Left to right: learning plan, poem about shapes and a carroll diagram

In the image below are some more sorting exercises and a plan which outlines them. In the second photo, the children had to stamp one edge of a shape, using art (a kinetic AND self-expressive exercise) to cement their understanding. The last photo is a set of cards depicting items beginning with “st” and “sw” breaking down language into syllables. 🤔I could create a more uniform version of printable cards like this myself which the teacher could laminate.

I was pretty inspired looking at these resources. 💡 I thought maths is a great thing to teach through metaphors and perhaps simpler than I imagined. ➗As we have just went into a second lockdown, there has never been a better time for me to get in touch with a school and ask if I can sit in on a couple online lessons and then offering the teacher to design visual resources explaining more complex math concepts.

Below are a couple more worksheets Francesca used - getting a very strong bout of nostalgia looking through these. 🔮It’s incredible how much of our understanding of how the world works we take for granted. For example, when I go to list off the months, think about what month we’re in, or how far away a month is, I imagine a circle divided into 4 sections with the months written out as if I have photographic memory. 📸 I must’ve used a diagram like this to learn the months, and it stuck with me all my life. Its a very calming thing to think about, so I am sure the art style, colours, characters and objects depicted in these diagrams have a monumental impact on who we are - the way we view the world - even as extreme as our mental health. 🎨🧠

Anyway, these could definitely do with a re-design. ✍️

This post is getting quite hefty so I’ll begin to wrap up. The last 2 photos are from the literacy section, “reading with comprehension” I believe this is called,  where Francesca read a book to the children and then broke it down and looked at it from every angle imaginable. 📚One of the techniques is shown in the picture on the right, where the children were asked to identify the setting, characters, beginning, middle and end. Once again, breaking a convoluted idea into bitesize chunks. 🧇

I think my biggest takeaway from analysing these resources is just how granular we have to make information for it to actually stick. 🙇‍♀️

[wallkickswillwork]

signal jamming

incoherency is comforting because of the narrative weve been fed our whole entire lives that in order to be palatable media must in some way be complete and have beveled, well-defined edges rather than being a mess of finger paints, bright colors, strange dialogues and verbiage, build trees of moods.

thoughts on: -futuristic anime, 90s anime and the unique sense of mood in toonami shows. they are a very good series of shows for people who are coming of age and who must slowly be forced to reckon with the industrialization and mercenary nature of adult life, as it is increasingly held captive by capitalism. there is also something essentially spiritual about it, especially shows like precure and dbz, where an interior or exterior-made-interior force is responsible for the protagonists' success in the face of an oppressive world-system. under capitalism, it frequently is the case that the entire world or entirety-of-world is against us. heroes must overcome overwhelming odds to leave their mark on a gauntlet of greats. -cowboy bebop, final fantasy 7, metroid as meditations on loss, urbanization, dating back to blade runner. this is a type of meditation that is present in much of cyberpunk, but its also not exclusively cyberpunk, and can extend in nature to non-cyberpunk works.

thinking about necrobarista and how its attempting to "resuscitate" anime, while this approach doesnt really examine what contemporary anime like jojos, precure, and slightly more dated anime like hidaske and nichijou do well. if we get all this tunnel vision for gurren lagann and flcl we can never look forward. i think a lot of the visual work that needs to be done is probably in movies. i think maybe there could be work done to marry cinema proper with its animated counterpart. steven universe seems like it gets it, and there are some anime that really seemed like they got it. i dont think were beyond salvation.

-listening to the whos "tommy" and thinking about how trauma and the humanity of that trauma is experienced and lived-through by the main character in socratic fashion. these stories are discussed by people whose actual, authentic experience of trauma irl is doubtful at best. they are great successes on stage who dont struggle in the sense that an actual victim would struggle. calls to mind how a lot of freuds patients would fabricate csa in order to fulfill the expectations of the therapist. but in other cases, actual patients with csa would repress their experiences or not feel comfortable discussing. so thats how i feel about gurus like meher baba or i guess alan watts. less trustworthy and more like scam artists. i do believe in what they teach, however. i think that a guru can teach the truth even if that guru is a liar. maybe its the truth, but the guru doesnt know it to be true, or else, the way the guru teaches it is untrue.

-for a while i imagined my own autism to be the result of childhood trauma that was repressed, but later emerged that those memories were fabricated, to my knowledge, and was left wondering.

-learning to regard the world with a sense of wonder from media like cowboy bebop and ff7. these worlds are jaded and decaying realities but there is a sense of awe at the vast, uncompromising reality. truly vast, sprawling and yawning cities and vast starry skies up above. beholding these things and beholding the starry skies and huge cities of our own planet surely stirs something in me.

-fantasy anime tends to go the joke route like slayers or else the route of "we are all kids, bro, stuck in an mmo" and i think this is mostly due to the admittedly antiquated setting of high fantasy in european trochets and history which to japanese people probably feel like white person set dressing and as they should, i mean. there are more high fantasy themes in something like inuyasha and japans history can be feudal, edo, the meiji restoration, primordial like princess mononoke, etc, so theres more wiggle room for historical works there. slayers et al is usually reduced to "characters moving around the forest" which is almost like this grand slice of the collective anime consciousness as it stands overlapping with, say, pokemon, to the extent where its one of the cliche anime things everyone thinks about, alongside high school, robots, nurses, etc.

-another thing to which we could probably ascribe the success of something like slayers to is wizardry and by proxy dragon quest. small graph paper monster garden games. the appeal is entirely mathematical so there are only a few directions that anime directors tend to run with it (goofy gag comedy if youre making a show or cut and dried authentic dungeon crawlers with moe characters instead of the usual dbz ones). going off what you definitely learn in japanese history class if youre a japanese student, for starters, there are thousands of years of chinese history, so you have romance of 3 kingdoms type stuff. or you have high school romances accounting for the various fire emblems where the appeal becomes game of thronesy "which of my characters in dragon quest land can i make kiss each other and myself", very good ground to cover as we start asking the important questions. theres samurai stuff as we already know, drawing on years of samurai media, kurosawas films and zen spirituality, art of the blade type stuff, jeet kune do in some instances and reaching so far afield as to probably raise some interesting and important questions about pan-asiatic cultural identity which this author (white) is ill-advised to answer. but reeling it back in, the question mostly being of history, and how a lot of fantasy media draws more from History proper as a codified cultural body than histories being individuated familial experiences. its true that when a work does something unique with history (earthbounds hippy dippy approach to the 1960s, undertales handling of furry culture, yume nikkis south american murals) its tended to be seen as that works "thing" as if because hulk hogan was an all american wrestler that precluded john cena from being same, or at least, embodying a similar if slightly modified niche. nobody can make a hippy dippy rpg now or something because itd just be called an earthbound ripoff rather than a loving homage. and i think thats wrong headed and how genres become stillborn rather than invented and developed upon. we have this vast morass of stuff from the 20th century and we could be developing various 60s, 70s, 80s fantasies. hindsight is 20/20 i guess. who knows, we could see bluff city become something in 50 years time.

i feel this is because of extreme stringent expectations of intellectual property laws and their dissemination into everyday discourse online. i dont really like or agree with monolithic cultural expectations like intellectual property or *shudder* advertising, but only to the extent where i can acknowledge that whether or not i agree with them is irrelevant to their all-consuming scope and the need for marxists to actively combat them. its one thing to say "x is bad" and another to clamor for urgency of fighting x, which is, if you believe what we read every day about global warming, too late, so its not important. nevertheless there are a multiplicity of settings that could be developed into genres and identities and ideologues that rarely are if only because it would be seen as "oh yeah like that other thing". people are fickle and develop dwarflike strange moods when it comes to defining what constitutes original versus hackneyed and derivative. i think its mostly dictated by star signs and the weather.

so lately if you follow me on twitter youve probably noticed im doing sort of a tweet concrete kind of thing where i post plaintext quotes from various media taken out of context. i decided to do this for a while, maybe a few weeks, because aesthetic blogs and the aesthetic style of blogging allow me to pool and channel my energies towards larger and more ambitious styles of writing. i usually get loaded on caffeine during this process and frequently watch large amounts of anime and meditate some. its definitely a process and its geared toward something hazily, vaguely spiritual but with pretentions toward being authentically publishable as theory. the idea also being i would like to make some money to support my livelihood, and i like to write, and am somewhat skilled at it, or at least experienced in kind of a ramshackle homespun sort of way. so if my social media presence is pretty boring and kind of weirdly nostalgic or else contrariwise if you feel it has improved lately thats the reason why that happened.

ive been getting very hazy and foggy mentally lately. i feel like it has to do with caffeination and lack of sleep. its important to get everything flowing properly, and sometimes depression and anxiety make that difficult to do. theres anxiety over unemployment, something im trying to remedy, and theres anxiety over theory and where to proceed next via theory. for years i was a devout buddhist in some ways, and meditated a lot, almost every day. i prayed to the bodhisattvas and copped to buddhist metaphysics, something which, based around personal life experience, i had every reason to believe was true. lately and in my own, strange way, ive begun to question this ideology and interpret it as part of a patchwork of ideologies, each one which attempts to describe a totality, a totality which is rarely if ever described properly by any ideology. grasping at straws in a structural sense, and feeling nonplussed but with no ground to run to, and im back on the boss level in super mario 64 where bowser smashes the ground to make it fall away. attempts at restructuring as this dissolution transpires only serve to create new protocols equal in scope to pre-existing paradigms. and there are plenty of people who dont struggle this much with religion and probably still go to heaven, or think theyre going to heaven, or something. hows marge and the kids. did jerry get that new promotion. mom just got back from vacation in cancun. smalltalk style concerns arising in every day transitionary speech feel distinct and very distant from these kind of hazy, pie in the sky questions. plato never wrote about the kind of stuff you see in a cheers episode. there are philosophy books that try to merge the two, but they usually get shelved in the comedy section.

so its mostly a matter of trying to absorb and contain new information, which abides in abundance, and trying to corral it into sort of a pointing arrow to direct me where to go, in my hewing, a feat not easily done. probably the endgame is in the crafting and solution of art, but what kind of art, and whether i have the tools at my disposal to even create it, is less easily answered. so for now, i guess, im absorbing, waiting, asking questions, and who knows, and who can say.

earliest memories of religion are of the greco roman religion and not knowing about the mystery religious rites but knowing about an abstract concept of wisdom and the ocean and extrapolating the existence of athena and poseidon in that way. later i have memories of exposure to christianity and buddhism and bahai but none of these things feel particularly useful to me at this time in my life. i can more readily receive a picture, a kind of enlarged image, of a broad religious landscape and some of the questions it attempts to provide answers for, or at least, a way of thinking about. the greco roman religion, for instance, is a presentation of a deleuzian multiplicity, and the monotheistic religions are a monad, but i also dont think either of these things can say the other is inherently undesireable. tolerance seems to be the best method, but also, and likewise, not dwelling specifically in any of them. acknowledging they all exist, but not being any of them. enjoying in surfeit the tension between multiplicity and monad. that there can be many things and one thing. like the album cover of dark side of the moon.

[luvdsc]

hello miss cat! omg yes i'm SO glad they're over they took up so much of my time and were so prolonged for no reason? i never understand how colleges keep 2-3 exams a day, give a long break, then keep 2 exams a day AND STILL have the entire thing go on for two weeks esp when it's online :/ the burn out 😔 aah i had a few research papers for my ergonomics class and econometrics which is always so hard to trudge through esp right after giving papers. but they're my chosen subjects after all

so i can't complain omg what have you been baking? does it turn out well? facetiming friends is always fun 💗 and 10 minute paintings sounds like such a stress buster! how is work? i've been working towards preparing for my drama exam coming up and i'm also teaching speech and drama to kids those younger than me :D and have also been researching for debates that i moderate with my friends from school. and YES i watched their dance practice it was sooo fun to watch i thought the winderella

i thought the entire escape room idea was so cool and the entire episode was just super fun to watch plus taeyong eating chocolate when everyone was solving the mystery!! 10/10!! i even liked the last episode I WAS ROLLING WHEN KAI JUST KEPT PULLING NOTES FROM THE BOX 😂😂 which was your favorite episode miss cat? hsbdkas i haven't watched the enquete episode entirely yet but i should now that sicheng said that LOL and YEAH OMG i thought it was kind of a red flag when he didn't tell her anything

hey that's so exciting! what do you want your space to look like?? being an artist as a profession is actually really cool! but it wasn't the most..what can i say now, stable? when it came to the economic standpoint so my mother didn't go with it :") ooo ok so from what i know when she's working on her cityscapes she's always like "the bigger the better" and she always works with knives on those so there's a lot of place to experiment with that! but otherwise when she has little time on hand she

prefers smaller canvases! omg yes a lot of her art was hung up at home (tbh it was more like storage before it went to exhibitions 😅) but she took them down because when my brother and i were younger we used to run around the house with darts and toy guns with ink rubber bullets which always ended up hitting the paintings rip and now she has her own studio so most of them are kept there! but yes she painted a family portrait so we have that up :") and a few more scenic paintings too!

dskcsjd i don't really think i enjoy interior designing that much mainly because i'm too lazy to start and move things around but yes conceptually it sounds like so much fun and i have sooo much respect for everyone interested in it. omigosh miss cat i could talk a lot about this but mainly since i teach speech and drama along with studying i love to experiment with different ways the characters can be portrayed when the younger students are performing! i love planning out play moves and

various voice modulation techniques! after all, there's no such thing as a bad molly weasley dramatization now is there? i looove performing arts and the feeling  of being on stage is unparalleled for me with acting and dance :") i also used to write and edit but that was in school i don't think i've got it anymore rip. how about you? would you consider yourself creative? you've got a way with words so that's surely down for you 💗 it's so cool that you enjoy museums! do you have any favorites?

oooo yayoi kusama!! wasn't she the artist behind the fireflies room? (or was it something like that i'm sorry i don't remember what it was called jdbnsd) and monet is such a classic! oh wow, do you often incorporate impressionism into your artwork? (if that kind can be applied rip i'm sorry i'm not that knowledgeable about this stuff aah) 3d design!! ooo what materials do you use there? hndjxjdk oil paints take such a long time to dry don't they? awww doinf 10 min paintings sounds so cute!

what are they like, if you don't mind me asking? my weekend was good! i went to the park and fractured myself rip but otherwise i enjoyed by eating and sleeping well! did you have a good weekend? i hope you're having a super week and continue to do so! oh oh also, thank you for taking the time out to respond to me this is really sweet of you <333

also im sorry to randomly pop this in but i saw you got the album signed by our lord and savior our knight in shining armor our light at the end of a dark tunnel the woman herself QUEEN JISOO??!?!11/!?1 AAAAAAAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU MISS CAT YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SNAG ONE WOW SJSNDJKNSKJ (maybe now you'll have luck with pulling her i hopeee ahaha)

✿ ✿ ✿

hello, sweetpea!!! 💕 oh my god, i feel- i had like 3 exams in one day many times before and i just wished they spread the exams out over two weeks instead of cramming all of them into one ): it’s such a terrible class structure /: also hate when teachers still teach new material when it’s supposed to be dead week ugh asdfkaljshdfkl i heard economy and i’m that spongebob aight i’m out meme 😬  econ was my least favorite business subject rip. do you like what you’re learning in ergonomics and econometrics? is it interesting for you? 💓

i’ve been baking bread!! my mom and i like making little french baguettes or the japanese milk bread :’) and they come out really nicely!!! we have fresh bread for the week, and i love making breakfast styled sandwiches with it 💖 work is going well! i managed to finish work early on friday and got off at 7 pm :D so that made me very happy, and i’ve been relaxing over the weekend 💕 omg a drama exam! what do you have to do for it? will you be reciting a monologue or performing or is there an actual written exam too? :o and you’re teaching little kids and moderating debates too omg you’re so busy!! is it difficult managing all of that? 😦  and winderella is soo pretty like wow visuals 🤩💝

omg YES i love love love the escape room episode too!!!! it’s also my favorite! and LOL yeah, i noticed that too and laughed when i saw taeyong more interested in the chocolate than the game aksjhflaksjd also lucas is so smart?? he figured out the clues so quickly in the most simplest ways, and i wished they had acknowledged that ): watching mtopia made me more interested in ten too, like wow, he’s really quick witted too 💕 sicheng is whipped for lucas and lucas only. lucas won the life lottery, he received sicheng’s affection and their feelings are mutual 🤧💗

i would want it to look like how i decorated my dorm!! i pinned up all the art postcards i collected from different art museums around the world in a sort of mosaic collage on my walls and hung up my paintings too :’) and i had my paintbrushes and paints stored in these jars on my desk along with a bunch of my books stacked here and there. it was like a bright organized chaos in my dorm room in a sense? i had large sketchpads and blank canvas shoved behind my desks and bed and paintings drying in various areas, but i knew exactly where everything was placed ✨and i totally get it!! it’s why i didn’t choose to major in art too because i wanted financial stability

ooooh my gosh, your mom does palette knife paintings??? those are so gorgeous!!!! 🤩🤩 i looove seeing those being painted and i wish i was skilled enough to do those :o AND SHE HAS EXHIBITIONS?? SHE’S LITERALLY LIVING THE DREAM 💘💘  aksdjfahjlks i hope none of her paintings got hit 😅aaaah it’s great that she still has some of them up though :’) my mom hung up all my paintings too and it made me so happy when i saw 🤧

akjlshfdlja omg i feel that, like it’s fun to just think about it but actually moving furrniture around is hard work rip. once i move in somewhere, the furniture is gonna stay like that until i move again LOL oooo so do you teach different ways to portray a single character? do you create your own characters or do you use a preexisting one? have you ever created your own original play before? :o omg i have so much respect for actors and performing arts honestly, like memorizing all those lines and then having to add emotion to it plus remembering where you’re supposed to stand and go amongst a million other things?? i would completely fail. the only times i participated in performing arts are for piano recitals :’) 

ooo yes, i would consider myself creative!! i love making things, like whether that be through building robots, drawing, painting, soft sculpting, 3d designing, graphic designing, baking, cooking, writing, etc. it’s just so much fun to be able to create. there’s something magical about being able to bring something from your imagination to life ✨ also, thank you so much 🥺💗  i looove moma!!! both the sf one and the nyc one! i also really love the louvre and museo thyssen-bornemisza 💜 i also really really want to visit the monet museum in france one day because i wasn’t able when i traveled there in the past, and i imagine that one will become my favorite if i do get the chance to 🌷

omg yes, you’re correct, she is indeed the one who made that!!!!! she made all those pretty mirror rooms with lights ✨ i absolutely adore her work 💟   and yes, i do!!! I try to incorporate monet’s style into my own paintings by doing a lot of short strokes and studying how sunlight hits nature. and rather than trying to be perfectly accurate, i go with my intuition. it’s kinda like how cher describes it in clueless, like from far away, it looks ok but up close it’s a mess LOL and omg it’s ok, you don’t need to apologize!!! thank you for taking an interest in my art :’) for 3d design, i used foam, cardboard, newspaper, wax, and metal wires!! and yeah, oil painting takes days, even weeks, to fully dry rip but it’s so much easier to blend and paint with because of the slow dry!

i do small paintings of flowers in ten minutes! i included some of them in my letters here 💛 oh my god, you fractured yourself??? how did that happen 😭 did you go see a doctor and get a cast? does it hurt now? pls be careful ):  i did have a good weekend, thank you! 💞 i slept in and ate lots of good food :’) and thank you so so much, my week went well too 💟💟 and omg of course, you don’t have to thank me, lovebug, i enjoy talking to you!! 💓 💓

AND YES I DID!!!! I’M SO HAPPY 😭💜💜💜 I HAVE IT DISPLAYED IN MY ROOM AND IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL 🤩  THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥺💟  omg i actually just bought all her pcs 🤧💗 jisoo is an expensive woman, but i have most of her pcs now :’) and yes, hopefully when the next album comes out in two years hopefully, i’ll be lucky enough to pull her pc 💞💞

how have you been, sweetpea? how’s your weekend going? 💚

[x4f0wrcg-blog]

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