#im trying not to go insane while PATIENTLY waiting for the next chapter

[woellow]

"Kim, baby~" 

a sketch based on chapter 14 of DUCKLINGS THAT DROWN by @thegrimreaperisanerd

(you should all read this fic, it is insanely good)

[allylikethecat]

Ally!! Can I just say you make my Tuesdays so fun because i know i get to read fics during lunch instead of stressing out over how insurance won’t cover my patients meds!!!!! 😭💀 (in the end they always pay i just have to fight with them for a couple days 🥲)

anyway— i was scrolling on your ao3 and looking at all the fics you have and i know you’ve answered before but how on earth do you decide which one gets an update??? there are so many and all of them are amazing!! how many chapters do you write at the same time and how far along do you have your current wips thought out?

todays chapter has me anxiously waiting to hear what matty and george are going to say to each other i need tears laughs loves hates basically the whole works and it ends with them being a happy family again 😭😭😭 if i were baby i would need more than a drink rn i’d be like “damn i’m staying in here my life is already insane and im not born yet” anyway—i’ll be back after i get off work to talk more

🥤

AHHH Hello my dear Smoothie Anon! As always it is such a joy to hear from you!

I'm so sorry to hear that lunch is usually spent stressing over insurance related matters (why is insurance always the worse? I just thought for two weeks to get Pop's renewed, and then when it came time for me to pay i was ghosted by my agent for a week, I was like WHERE IS MY INVOICE DON'T YOU WANT MY MONEY?! ALL THE CONTRACTS HAVE BEEN SIGNED) BUT I'm glad that a Ducklings update could be a nice little distraction!

What fic gets updated when usually varies - some fics had set update schedules (ex. All the King's Horses was every Friday) and Rid Me of the Blues was the OG Tuesday update fic (and why Tuesdays became a thing in the first place lol) now it's usually just vibes - if you come to my inbox and scream about a certain fic enough I will probably update it sooner, I also have some really great mutuals who make it very known which fic they would like next lol I try and get to the fics that haven't been updated in a while (which is why today was Ducklings instead of On a Friday.) But other times it's just whatever I'm feeling at the moment. I'm sorry for not having a more concise answer! It pretty much just is vibes though 😬

In terms of how far ahead - Ducklings the outline was tossed out months ago and we are just... seeing what happens I have no master plan (if anyone has a master plan please send it my way) but for YKWTCI (which I know hasnt been updated in ages it just makes me feel weird), On a Friday, and Forever. I do have very detailed outlines of each chapter and what is happening next. Little changes might occur but for the most part there is direction and a plot. I usually try and stay at least one chapter ahead when posting but that doesn't always happen. Forever. is the one I am the most ahead in terms of writing and posting because that is what I'm most excited about, but I also have a decent chunk of the Vampire AU written as well. (And another oneshot that is almost finished 👀) Other than when I was "broken" for a bit there over the summer I'm pretty much always writing!

AH They're FINALLY going to COMMUNICATE like ADULTS (hopefully) but yeah baby wants no part in whatever mess this is between their parents they are like ummm sort it out before my arrival thanks!

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to like reach my fics and send me this ask!! It means more than you even know! I hope the rest of your day at work goes / went well! And I hope you have a great night and a fabulous rest of your week! Thank you again for the continued support!

❤️Ally

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers Pet- chapter 60: spring break

All Chapters 

Chapter 59

It was the day everyone was leaving for break and my stress levels had never been so high. Seeing my mother after all this time was going to be insanely chaotic and I was definitely not prepared no matter how much I tried to ready myself. I had finished packing and was all ready to go whenever I needed. I was just going to apparate but I was stalling as much as possible. Helping Hermione and Ginny pack, along with Draco and the rest of the boys.

 I said my long goodbyes to all of them and even said bye to Remus. He obviously could tell what I was doing but just accepted it and said his goodbyes as well. It was around three and I knew I needed to get going soon. But I decided to go say one last goodbye. Making my way down to the dungeons, taking my time to walk there and knock on Severus' door. I knew he had not left yet because he would have said goodbye first. It was quiet for a while but after a minute it opened slightly and a very bothered Severus was standing there, "Hey whats up?" I asked moving to walk in but he lightly put a hand on my shoulder, "I'm in the middle of something, could you give me just a moment" he asked sternly and I just nodded and stepped back, he shut the door quickly and I furrowed my brows. What could he possibly be doing that he was in such an awkward state. He seemed so spent and cold. Like he was having a very important conversation with someone. I pushed my ear to the door not being able to resist and could hear his deep muffled voice. I couldn't make out what he was saying but I heard a second voice chime in. I couldn't tell who it was though. It didn't sound like Albus or any of the other teachers. But it did sound familiar. They were talking very softly but I could tell it was a man. It sounded a little tense.

Severus POV

"Look Lucius, you need to stay out of this, it's none of your business!" Severus stated trying to keep his voice down, "Oh come on Severus we both know why im here, he sent me to ask you how your assignment is coming along, I know more than I should about you and the girl, and I have no interest in telling him, but I wont go against any of his orders and you know that." Severus shook his head annoyed, "Oh I am well aware, but I can not rush anything he will have to be patient if he wants everything to work out." Lucius laughed and scoffed at him. "Oh come on Severus, I don't know if you recall me being there the day we almost had her and you foolishly let her slip through your fingers and let us be attacked by a girl and a cowardly little dog." Severus was seething and looked at him with dark eyes, "Well I don't think the dark lord would be happy to hear about you housing her in your home for an entire weekend, and fooling around with her as well." Lucius looked away at that and scoffed, "Well I tried to let him know but then someone just had to play hero and save her." Severus was squeezing his fists tight, "if I had just stood there and let those fools take her my cover would have been blown, I have to play the part and you know that." Lucius smiled at the man, "I know just how committed you are to this role, Severus. But just remember what you are going to have to do in the end. You can't protect her from the inevitable no matter how hard you try. The dark lord always gets what he wants." Severus didnt like that sentence in the slightest, especially since deep down it was the truth. But that was part of why he was going out during break. "I know she is waiting for you outside the door right now. I won't keep you." Luicus straightened up his coat and Severus just glared at him. Feeling sick to his stomach thinking about what Lucius had said.

Y/N POV

I heard a very clear "We will talk more tomorrow" before a swooping sound was heard and then it was quiet. I quickly backed from the door, leaning against the wall next to it picking at my cuticles to look distracted. "I apologize for that, please come in." he said, opening the door for me. I smiled and walked in past him, looking around, I didn't see anyone or anything different, "What was that about?" I asked him and he looked at me and then walked over to his desk, "Oh nothing I just needed to finish up some last minute things." I shook my head laughing. I didn't want him to know I was eavesdropping but at the same time if he was gonna lie to me he could at least be a little more convincing. "Merlin Severus, just be honest with me for once." he looked me in the eyes and I could see sadness in them, he was trying to hide it but something was stressing him out. "Whats going on? Please, I can handle it!" I said walking over to him, I stood in front of him and reached down to grab his hand, he gently slipped it away and turned to put some papers away. "Its nothing Y/n, did you come to say goodbye?" I was a little pissed off. I mean I guess I was just pissed off and worried at the same time, I crossed my arms and sighed. He looked up at me and glanced over my stance, he sighed, closing his eyes. "I spoke to Albus, you know." He looked up at me with a surprised and concerned look. "I know you are both hiding something. And since I'm your girlfriend now I think I have a right to know." I could tell he was reluctant to speak at all. "Can't you just trust me when I say to leave it alone?" he asked a little more tense, "I don't know! Both of you are saying to just trust yall but then you are acting all weird and you won't even look at me in the eyes." I said moving his face to look at me. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss and then set it down. "As my girlfriend yes you do have a right, but as a student no you don't." he said softly, he knew that's not what I wanted to hear and I let out a sigh. "Great so now you're putting me back on that stool. All of that changed when we decided to do this," I said pointing between him and i, "we are in this together as a couple, im mature enough to handle this, I mean look at what I deal with everyday, Its annoying that you keep ignoring the fact im perfectly capable" I pulled my shirt down to expose the black lines that were spread all on my chest and arms. I had felt it flare up the minute I walked in and it was only getting farther down as we argued. I was used to the pain that came with it that it had not even fazed me. "So I think the student ship sailed a while ago." He looked very upset with himself after seeing my chest and arms, "See this is why Y/n! This is what happens when we so much as disagree, you don't need anything else on your plate!" He was getting stressed and so was I. I could tell he was trying his best to stay reserved, only slightly raising his voice, and speaking in a low tone. I felt bad for pushing on this but it was so irritating to just be treated like a kid when it came to serious stuff like this. I guess he read my thoughts because then he shook his head and said, "I don't want you to feel like im treating you like a child Y/n but I am just following Albus' orders, he doesn't want any students or staff knowing and I think its a smart rule, can't you just respect that for once? Respect that I have a job that will sometimes bring things I can't always tell you about because yes you're my girlfriend and I love you very much, but you're also under our protection here and I can't tell you everything all the time!" His voice raised slightly and he let out a breath to calm down. "I get it ok, but we can't keep having this same argument. I need you to respect me as a human and know that I'm gonna wanna be kept in the loop, I'm gonna worry about you and I'm gonna want to be able to help in any way I can!" I said in a hushed yell. "And that is exactly the reason I won't tell you, you are going to want to help and there is nothing that you can do! So please just leave it alone." He was getting tired of fighting and so was I. I didn't want to give up so easily but I guess he had a point and if he wasn't going to tell me I wasn't going to argue anymore. "Ok." I said, crossing my arms and looking down. He stood staring at me and reading my body language. "Are you mad?" he asked softly. "Yes." I answered honestly, looking up at him he nodded his head and sighed, "But I don't want to leave with a fight," I said, taking deep breaths and looking around his room trying to lower my blood pressure. He walked over slowly and took one of my hands, "Merlin Y/n" he said with sadness, I looked down and saw the veins had spread over my hands as well. I went to pull my hand away but he held it and pushed my sleeve up. He stared in silence at my arm and I watched his eyes flutter with emotions, I took a peek into his thoughts, as far as he would let me and I could tell he felt incredibly guilty. I wasn't sure why, it wasn't his fault, I assumed he was just upset he couldn't help. "You need to stop beating yourself up over this, like I said the other night. We will figure out how to fix it eventually. Just put it on the back burner until then." he looked up at me with sad eyes at my comment, "Its only ever gonna be my top priority." He said softly and I almost choked up at the sentence. I smiled at him and put my hands on his chest, sliding one up around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. It was short to stay safe, but I could feel his body relax a bit. "I have to leave soon." I said quietly as I rested my forehead against his, pulling away I looked in his dark eyes. He was trying his best to mask his emotions but I was getting good at seeing through them, I gave a sympathetic smile as I held his hand. "Ill walk you out." he gave a half smile, but I could tell his mood was dampened. "I was just going to apparate there but you can come to my room while I get my things."

Most of the kids had left already and there weren't any in my dormitory or in the common room. I opened the door to my room and he followed in awkwardly. He stood and watched as I shrunk my bags and put them in my pockets. "Does this Charles man know you are a witch?" I thought for a moment and looked over at Severus. "That's actually a very good question, I have no idea." I stood for a moment thinking about that. Things could be very strange if he doesn't know, but I can't imagine my mother trusting him enough to tell him about me. "Does he even know of Constance?" he asked carefully and I froze for a moment at her name, "I apologize I shouldn't have brought he-" I shook my head, "no its fine, I just, I'm not sure. I mean I don't know anything about this man or what my mother has told him...I guess ill find out soon though." he nodded and I turned to face him. "I'm gonna miss you and i'm going to be pulling my hair out having to deal with my mother on top of worrying about you." he smiled, "Well now you know how I feel all the time, worrying about your whereabouts." he laughed, tucking some hair behind my ear, "Easy for you though when you know where I am and how to find me.." he nodded and I sighed.

 "Ok well any longer and i'm not gonna wanna go anymore." I smiled and he pulled me in for a hug, I buried my head in his chest, taking in the warmth and scent one last time. I pulled back and he put his hand under my chin, lifting my head to kiss me, this one was a little longer and full of even more love than the last. It was soft and his cold hand caressed my cheek. I smiled into it, blushing and feeling butterflies take over my insides. "Ok I will see you in a week, I love you." I said, sighing and grabbing my wand. "I love you too, and if you need me at all just send your bird or patronus okay?" I nodded and smiled at his insistence. I raised my wand but then thought about something, "Wait, what do I do about this, I mean my mother will surely freak out.." I said pointing to the spot on my neck. He thought for a moment then waved his hand summoning a small vial. That was hot, I thought to myself. I could tell he heard the thought and smirked, "Filthy, here drink this every six hours and it should keep it hidden." I nodded, taking it from his hand, our fingers brushing together. I blushed and put it in my pocket. "Ok now for real Goodbye." I smiled. He winked and I laughed at his action waving my hand and disappearing with a pop.

Taglist; @lovelyhoneylemon @juliijah @lmao-liz

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 12]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, overstimulation, tiniest mentions of daddy!kink, a lil bit of a filler chapter!, this is the most btsvt chapter that it’ll ever get so i’m sorry if you dont like that!! 😭😭, a bit of a lighthearted chapter too tbh to ease everyone back into cherry bomb! 💕 I know its been like two fuckin weeks since the last update which is honestly insane to me! I almost couldnt remember where we even left off lmao kdjfhds 😩💕💕 Thank you for being so patient with me and waiting it out while we had two weeks of Monster Mash! Starting Monday, I’m gonna be going back to my normal posting schedule! 💕 have a great rest of the weekend, yall! 🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - ?

“Wait, seriously? You want to work here? But--but I thought you were from out of town?”

Jun’s eyes light up with excitement; fingertips crushing the resume you passed to him moments prior. “Um, well, there was a change of plans… and I’d really like to work somewhere where I have a friend! If you guys are still hiring, that is...” You reply back meekly.

It’d taken you all morning to write up a resume, blushing a little when you realize most of your income had been from camming. It’d also made you pause for a moment when you realized that it meant Jun would also know your real name too; as well as everyone who came through the diner and all of your coworkers.

“Yeah, of course! I, um, just give me a second to pass this to my manager, okay? I’ll be sure to put in a good word!” Jun shoots you a wink before he turns to leave.

You take the opportunity to sit down at a nearby booth, fishing for your phone to text Seungcheol.

‘I think I might be getting the job!!’

cheollie ✨: oh? Not that I doubted you, but is it confirmed already?

‘Mm… Jun is trying to put in a word for me! But I’m confident!’

cheollie ✨: thats my baby ;)

You hear someone call your name hesitantly, only to find Jun standing a few feet away looking at you sheepishly. “Um, sorry, your name’s on the resume so I figured…”

“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine!” You awkwardly giggle. “I figured writing ‘Cherry’ as my name wouldn’t be too smart when you need to cross-reference my ID if I get the job.” Jun laughs as he takes the seat across from you in the booth, papers in hand.

“Well, I convinced my manager to let me interview you. Told him that if we’d be workin’ together that I’d want to scope you out for myself! He bought it, can you believe it!?” Grinning, he sets your crumpled resume down next to a small stack of papers. “I don’t doubt you’d pull your weight around here but I do have to ask… Why here of all places? I thought your, uh, other job was enough? Or I guess I assumed...” You bite your lip, flip-flopping on whether or not you wanted to let him know exactly what happened that led to your sudden decision.

“Um… There were just some big life changes I had to make on the fly and I’ll be living around here now! I’m trying out some new things… I also figured if I worked with you, then you’d know my schedule the best too! And you seem like a really nice and cool guy.”

Jun nods, smiling back at you.

“You got that right!”

“You’re seriously going to start working there?” Jeongguk raises a brow, cables in hand as he sets up the extra PC in his streaming room. “And the guy working there knows you? That doesn’t bother you?”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “Yeah and he knows me now too. And knows I’d kick his ass if he tried anything.” You pout from your place in the expensive gaming chair; eyes focused on Jeongguk who shimmies under the desk to start plugging in the cables.

“Well, yeah he does know me, but he’s also one of my regulars and knows the schedules I’ll need, so I think we can trust him!” They both nod and Seungcheol is quick to cross the small room until he’s right behind you.

“He seems like a nice guy though, I don’t think we have to worry.”

Jeongguk slides out from underneath the desk, dusting off his pants as he stands. “And if he does end up being a weirdo, there’s always a place for you at the roller rink!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, hands gripping onto the backrest of the chair.

“No.”

“Hey guys, welcome back to Golden Closet Gaming! I’m JK, your regular host! Today, we have a suuuper special guest! Why don’t you introduce yourself, pretty lady~”

You take a deep breath as you lean in close to the mic; somewhat nervous and a little out of your usual element. “Hi everyone~ I’m Cherry! Some of you may know me from, um, the other side of the streaming-sphere but I’m joining my friend today in hopes of boosting our channels together and having a ‘lil bit of fun!!”

Seungcheol sits at the side as he watches the two of you; a small smile painted on his lips at the way the two of you seem to fall into your characters easily despite the somewhat different platforms and influx of different viewers.

The sound of donations and comments pour in a lot quicker than Jeongguk, himself, is used to; eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he pauses to watch them flood the screen.

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

xcaliburDK has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: never thought i’d be donating here but here we are

xcaliburDK: i was always a silent watcher but u kno i had to donate for my favorite girl!

seokGENIE: i feel like i’m entitled to something for taking your shift so i wont be donating, sorry pretty girl

j__min: can’t believe this kid got a collab with you before i did :(

j__min has donated $200

dtsug__a: i dont normally watch streams either but im curious

Jeongguk laughs, still in disbelief as the donations continue to pour in from a combination of your viewers and his. He always made a decent amount from his viewers but he couldn’t deny the pull you had from your viewers as well. “Wow, um okay, my donations are adding up a lot quicker than they usually do. That’s… Hey, whaddya say to streaming with me regularly?” He jokes. 

A shy laugh bubbles up your throat; ears and cheeks burning hot at the idea. You had never collabed with any other streamer before and despite your initial hesitance and unsureness, you too, were shocked to find how well the two of you were doing without your usual content.

“Erm, I’m not very good at gaming though… I don’t think your viewers would like it very much...”

seokGENIE: thats ok jk sucks at gaming too, it wouldnt be too different

j__min: lmao fkjdhf

dtsug__a: does he get roasted often on this channel? If so i’ll be tuning in more often

dtsug__a has donated $100

dtsug__a: for your troubles, pretty gal

“On second thought, let’s let this be a special occasion, huh? Maybe collabs for the holiday, Cherry?” Jeongguk grumbles and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep in his laughs from his side of the small room. You start to feel more and more comfortable at the lighthearted atmosphere; tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you lean in towards the mic again.

“Ah! Speaking of, don’t forget to tune into my camshow tomorrow~! JK and I will be gaming on there as well but… with some added fun to match my channel~! 21 and over only~” You blink at the computer screen, still a little unused to the idea that you weren’t technically being filmed. Although, it was a nice change for once; not needing to be all done up for a show and simply just talking to your viewers and reading comments.

sleepy_wonu: is dom daddy gonna be on the show too?

“Dom daddy? Oh you mean Se---”

“Yes! Kind of!” You cut off, laughing nervously. Nobody knew Seungcheol’s name except for Jun and you were trying to keep as much of him private as possible, until he was ready. “In a sense, he’ll be there! You guys will just have to tune in to find out!”

Jeongguk laughs into his own mic, scooting in closer to his desk as he loads up the game.

“I think that’s enough chatting for now, huh? Let’s get started! Tonight we’ll be playing Phasmophobia! We’ll be playing something more lighthearted on Cherry’s channel, as she requested. So tonight we’ll be playing something I picked out. You ready, baby?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, quietly taking a sip of his water.

“Ready when you are!”

“I gotta say, sweetheart, for someone who doesn’t play video games too often, you’re not too bad.” Seungcheol comments, nodding his head in amazement as the three of you exit Jeongguk’s PC room. He’d had a hard time keeping in his laughs as he watched from the side and he had to admit, you were even cuter when you were outside of your usual element.

“I have to agree with hyung, but maybe it was also the adrenaline and screaming that kept you goin’.”

The two males share a laugh as you pout and plop down onto Jeongguk’s living room sofa. “Hey, how were the numbers for tonight, by the way?” You ask quietly.

“Honestly? I think we made almost triple of what my channel usually sees. I know I don’t really make a ton off of my streams since I don’t really do anything, like, crazy but shit… Even I’m shocked at how much we made.”

Seungcheol’s lip ease into a smirk; Jeongguk really had no idea how much the two of you had made off of a couple videos alone.

“We still have one more stream to do and then we can just pool up the money and split it down the middle!”  

Jeongguk nods, stretching as he sits himself down onto the other end of the sofa. “I’ll bring my spare PC stuff so we can set up a little early tomorrow, if that’s cool with you two? Maybe have some food before we get started too ‘cause god knows I’m gonna be starving.” You look to Seungcheol who nods and checks his phone for the time.

“Yeah, we need to set up the cameras and lighting a little differently too so we’ll probably start earlier. Just text me before you drive over so we know when to expect you.”

You yawn next to Jeongguk; adrenaline having worn off as the tiredness finally sets in. “It’s so weird, usually I’m only just starting my stream right around this time but I’m so exhausted now...” Seungcheol’s eyes from cute crescents as he smiles down at you, stepping closer as he goes in to smooth down your hair.

“You really were screaming a lot, to be fair. How about we head home and you can sleep in the car?”

“Okay~”

Seungcheol lets you sleep in on Saturday morning, watching as your chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

He takes a moment to think over the last few weeks of his life and he can’t help the disbelieving expression that crosses his features when he realizes just how much had changed over the course of just weeks.

When the two of you had met, he wasn’t expecting much. He expected the two of you to hang out for a few days before you went home and forgot he even existed outside of your camshows and the comments section. But now that so much had happened between the two of you, Seungcheol felt a deeper connection to you and felt the need to protect you even moreso than ever.

He sees you shift slightly, sleepy eyes blinking open as you peer up at him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Mm… g’morning ‘cheol…”

You grimace sleepily at how hoarse your voice sounds, “Ew, I sound so… gross.”

Seungcheol moves to get out of bed, leaning in to kiss your forehead before he shuffles towards the bathroom. “I’m going to wash up but you can stay in bed if you like. I’ll make you some tea for your throat, okay? We have a long day ahead of us and I don’t think you wanna sound like that later tonight.”

Nodding sleepily, you lay back down as you yawn and let the sleep take over once again.

“Are you really sure ‘bout this?” Jeongguk takes a bite of his pizza as he watches Seungcheol pull the desk closer to the bed.

“What do you mean?” You ask; readjusting the light that was closest to the younger male. “Like, I dunno, I’ve never been on a cam show like this so… I mean do I have to do anything different?” You laugh lightly as you go in to pat Jeongguk on the shoulder.

“No, just be you. And we went over it already earlier, the only thing that’s different is going to be me! No weird tricks or anything, I promise.”

Seungcheol places another monitor on the tabletop, grunting as he goes. “Yeah, and in all honesty, I would hate to have to watch you get off, ‘Guk.”

“Oh shut up, hyung. You say that like I don’t know what you’re packin’ under those sweats. I think it’d only be fair! Just two bros getting to know each other.” Seungcheol pretends to gag just as you double over in laughter. “No, absolutely not, ‘Guk. And also, nobody told you to watch those videos!”

Jeongguk pauses, lips pressing into a firm line. “You right, you right…”

You leave to get changed just as Jeongguk starts to help Seungcheol set up the last few bits of equipment. He leans in close to the older male, eyes glancing around the space to make sure you were completely out of earshot. “Hey, hyung, honest question.”

“Sure.”

“Are you really okay with all this?” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he raises an eyebrow at the younger male. “What’s ‘this’ exactly, ‘Guk?”

“Y’know, her living here and you camming all of a sudden, among everything else really… And the question if you’re in love with her which, by the way, we still all know that you are.”

A blush coats Seungcheol’s skin, fingertips almost losing grip of the camera he was about to mount to the desktop. “Listen, yes, okay, I do… like her a lot. But she’s going through a lot right now too and I don’t want to freak her out either. There’s a lot of life changes we’re going through so I’m just going to ...wait.”

“You’re a good man, hyung.”

“Hi everyone!”

You wave to the camera, winking and blowing a kiss to the camera propped up between the two monitors on the table. “I know, this setup is a little wild and not my normal but this is part two of my collaboration with Golden Closet Gaming! Do you want to introduce yourself to those who missed our other stream?” You turn to Jeongguk who nods; this time a little nervous as he stares directly into the camera.

He’d said he was okay with being filmed since he wasn’t actually part of any sexual acts, but he still found himself a little camerashy now that the two of you were live.

Seungcheol sat directly behind the monitors and cameras; his phone open to your cam show to watch from a different angle.

“Ah, hello! I’m JK of Golden Closet Gaming! I’m a friend of Cherry’s and no we won’t be fuckin’.” Jeongguk ends with an innocent smile that has you holding back your laughter.

therealchan99: i dont think dom.cheol would like that very much anyway

universe_WZ has donated $100

universe_WZ: unless he’s into watching

dom.cheol: no

alphagyu97: oh shit hes back

angelhan: huh, so hes not there?

“Oh, he is! He’s behind the camera~” You gesture beyond the camera to where Seungcheol sits and he leans over to quickly wave upside down in front of the camera to prove his existence.

j__min: ah, of course~ we know your daddy would never let you play with anyone else~

j__min: he likes you too much ;)

emerald.tae: oh? also hi new watcher!!!

emerald.tae: ur videos were great!!

emerald.tae has donated $200

therealchan99: im gonna need to start fighting ppl for ur attention i swear

gentleman_josh95: implying u had it

chwenon: yooooooo lmao

“You guuuuys, be nice! Just for that, I’m gonna be sending you a special private pic, okay ‘therealchan99’? You guys pick on him too much!” You pout.

therealchan99: hahaahhAHhhahaHAAHAA FUCKIN LOSERS SUCK ON THAT

tangerine_kwan: bruh

chwenon: damn guess we should can it

You respond to a few more comments as Jeongguk sits by and watches the way you interact with your viewers. He also takes note that you had a donation minimum before you started actually doing anything on your channel and that you’d already hit it pretty quickly.

“Okay! I think we should start now, huh? Oh, I should explain what’s going on!” You giggle cutely, settling into your space on the bed. “So JK and I will be playing this stilt man game! We have to get our character to the finish line without falling or the level restarts! JK has to get to level 30 and I have to get to level 20 and whoever reaches their goal first, wins!”

“I have a higher level to reach ‘cause our skillsets are different and we all know I’d smoke her if we both had to reach the same level.” Jeongguk grins.

seokGENIE: sure

seokGENIE has donated $69

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $100

“And the reason why ‘dom.cheol’ is behind the camera is because...” You pause, eyes twinkling with playfulness as you stare directly into the lens. “In order to get me to do my best, he’ll be controlling a special toy I’m wearing~ Hehe, if my character falls, he’ll raise the vibration setting each time as punishment and leave it on until I cum…”

“Which we are assuming will be a lot. Unfortunately, no medic on standby.” Jeongguk jokes. Seungcheol rolls his eyes as he laughs from behind the camera.

“We have a safeword, don’t we, sweetheart?” You nod in response, “Mmhmm!”

“Let’s get it!”

It takes all of four stages before your character falls for the first time.

Seungcheol turns the vibrating panties on and you immediately jolt as you try to keep your character upright on screen. “Oh, f-fuck!”

kitty_junjun: uh ohhhh it begins

artist8hao: i don’t think she’s gonna last.. babygirl is so sensitive, she’ll probably cum soon

xcaliburDK: i’m giving it until level 6 before she cums

emerald.tae: oh are we placing bets

“Noooo~ Don’t place bets on me, I’m weak!” You whine; already squirming as the vibrations attack your clit. Seungcheol grins from in front of you as Jeongguk laughs from your side, already on level 7 on his own screen.

You had to admit, it was a little weird for someone else to be in the room with you while Seungcheol basically used a toy on you, but the younger male seemed to not care about it at all. Although, he had already seen most of you and Seungcheol at this point.

Your fingertips are shaky on the keyboard and computer mouse; already fearing the way Seungcheol’s eyes almost become darker the longer you struggle.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Is the game too hard?”

“A-ah, n--no, it’s not that b-bad…” Squirming, you grind down a little harder onto the bed just as your character falls on screen and Seungcheol raises the setting to the second highest in the blink of an eye. “Ngh, fuh---fuck!”

“Uh oh~ Should I slow down to let you catch up?” Jeongguk teases.

“N-no, I can beat y-you!”

The donations and comments pour in as you struggle to keep your calm and get your character to the finish line; letting out a sigh of relief as you finally enter the fifth level. You let out a choked sob as you already feel your panties starting to stick to you like a second skin from how wet you were getting and Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle.

“You know, you’re technically allowed to cum whenever you want. It’ll just… slow you down, is all.” Grinning, he watches as you look beyond the camera towards him as you pout.

“But I--I wanna win!” You cry; palms clammy as you try to rush through the fifth stage, only for your character to fall almost immediately. “Nooo~”

Seungcheol clicks the vibrator to its highest setting and your body goes rigid as the vibrations wreck your body. You start to grind against the toy as you chase your orgasm and forget about the game almost completely. In a perfect world, Seungcheol would have his cock snug between your walls, but instead you clench around emptiness as you crave his cock.

artist8hao: ah shes already cumming lol

seokGENIE: on level 5? Fuck

universe_WZ: her cute lil cunt cant take it, poor babygirl

seokGENIE has donated $50

emerald.tae has donated $75

alphagyu97: cum baby, u kno u wanna

alphagyu97 has donated $75

A small choked whine is all you can manage before you do cum; eyes clamped shut and fingers wrapped tight around the computer mouse as the waves of pleasure crash down onto your body. Donations and comments flood the side of the screen from a combination of your viewers and Jeongguk’s as they watch your face contort in pleasure.

“Ah, sweetheart, you’re really falling behind~ JK is going through the stages so quickly while you’re sitting there cumming~” Seungcheol teases. He licks his lips, simultaneously wishing you were sitting on his cock while you played your game.

That’d have to be for another time, he thinks.

It takes a second for Seungcheol to turn the toy off and your body immediately slumps forward as you catch your breath. “Ngh, d-damn it…” You grimace when you re-adjust yourself and find your panties soaking wet.

“I’m already on level 17, babe. You gotta catch up!”

You can only groan in response, flexing your clammy fingers before you try to focus on your own screen again.

kitty_junjun: oho looks like our princess is focused now

tangerine_kwan: u got this baby

j__min: show ‘em who’s boss, babygirl

You tune out the sounds of the comments and donations as you manage to get yourself to level eight without falling, but level nine proves to be just a little too hard as your character falls and Seungcheol turns the vibrator back on to its lowest setting again.

“Be careful, baby. Wouldn’t want to fall behind again would you?”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his sweats as he watches you bite your lip. And for the first time all night, he wishes that Jeongguk would just win and go home so that he could have his own private time with you.

“I’m on level 22 already. D’you think she can even catch up?” Jeongguk teases. He spares you a side glance, taking in your form slumped closer to the table as you try to fight the vibrations.

Your body was already extremely sensitive from your first orgasm and you quickly losing your confidence as you struggled to keep your character upright. If you came even just one more time, there was no way that you’d be able to beat Jeongguk with how quickly he was going through the stages.

therealchan99: she’s cumming just as quickly as JK is getting thru the stages hfdsf

gentleman_josh95: shes so cute when she cums tho

angelhan has donated $50

angelhan: thats the real prize angel

“T-thank you…” You whimper out, fingertips twitching against the keyboard and mouse as you focus your attention to the game to the best of your ability. 

You manage to get to level ten with no more issues just as Jeongguk gets to level 25 and you let out an exasperated sigh as your character falls over again. “Uh oh~ I think I’m gonna win!” Jeongguk cheers; giddiness washing over him as he works to get to the end. 

“Nooo~ That’s n-not, ah, fair!” Whining, you grip the mouse tighter as Seungcheol raises the setting on the toy again, watching as you rub your thighs together at the feeling. 

hoshi_tiger_xx: sadly nothings fair in the gaming world babe

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

dtsug__a has donated $50

dtsug__a: cute for thinkin so tho 

“I don’t th--think I can, hah, c-catch up...” You moan. Your character on screen falls over one more time and all you hear is Seungcheol’s small ‘tsk’ under his breath as he sets the vibrator to the highest setting and leaves it there. 

It doesn’t take long before the vibrations prove to be too much for you and you let go of the keyboard and computer mouse as your hands ball up into fists on top of the table. 

The pleasure washes over you in sharp pin pricks; small whines and whimpers falling from your lips as your eyes completely clamp shut. 

Jeongguk lets out a surprised noise at the way the donations and comments almost make the screen lag and for the first time, his character on screen falls over at his split second loss of focus. 

“Ah, fuh--fuck!” You start to squirm once the pleasure starts to bleed into overstimulation and Seungcheol is quick to respond, “You’re gonna cum one more time as punishment for giving up, sweetheart.” 

alphagyu97: ooo she's in troubleeee

gentleman_josh95: ahhh daddy still has to punish you after all 

seokGENIE: damn is this what this channels abt? this is hot 

artist8hao: babygirl always misbehaves

chwenon: she seems to like it too much 😏

dtsug__a: hooooo shit, thats hot 

“It’s n-not my f-fault, hah, JK is j-just good at g-gaming...” You mumble. 

Jeongguk manages to get to level 30 within the time you sit and grind against the toy; small noises of excitement falling from his lips as he cheers for himself!

“Aww, poor baby. Maybe you’ll focus a bit better next time, hmm?” 

You nod frantically as a small tear slips down your cheek and your lips part in a breathy moan. “God, I--I’m c--cumming!” 

Your body locks up, ears ringing as you cum one more time. Seungcheol wishes he could work you through it; hands massaging your skin as you take your pleasure or thrusting his cock into you as he chased his high with you. 

Instead he watches from across you as your body twitches as your face contorts in unadulterated bliss, licking his lips the entire time with images of what could’ve been dancing behind his eyelids. 

Jeongguk watches as the donations far surpass what the two of you made on his channel; brows disappearing into his poofy head of hair. “Wow, uh, y’all seem to really like it when she gets punished, huh?” He mutters under his breath. 

“Don’t you?” Seungcheol teases. 

“Truuuuue.” 

A garbled moan has both of their attention on you as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit. “Ah, ‘m too sen--sensitive now...” You cry. 

Seungcheol turns the toy off completely as your chest heaves in deep breaths; pouting at the fact he wasn’t able to enter the camera frame to take care of you. 

Jeongguk grimaces slightly at the way your body sways in tiredness next to him, unsure of what to do next now that he’d won. 

“Haha, um, medic?” 

[hxseok-honee]

This chapterrrr I LOVE IT

Poor mama yn she's trying her best as a single mom and she's doing a great job,,,, also when mama yn was talking about how Jk isn't a bad boyfriend necessarily at the end she said Noodle arms,,,, that is Yoongi right?? Yoongi is noodle arms??? I think it is but I wanted to make sure it wasn't Jk

We love Hana in this chapter her saying she didn't like stinkykoo because she wanted yoonyn to happen,, and then asking hobi is he's a better artist then yoongi 😭😭😭😭,,, but poor Hana having to wait for pie while you got yoonyn messing around in the kitchen,,,,

And then HOBI still working hard but HE MADE PROGRESS kinda??? Idk if it was him that made yn say was it weird to be attracted to your best friend or if she just had enough of feeling that way,,,, BUT HOBI MY MAN HES WORKING and the matching flower crowns 🥺🥺🥺🥺 he did it on purpose but thats adorable

THE MISTLETOE SCENE that was adorable that was so cute,,, I reread that part like 6 or 7 times because it was so adorable. But wouldn't mama yn see the mistletoe in their room and go did they,,,, did they kiss??? Or is she just accepting they kiss?? Or did they just like get a ladder and a saw and cut it down??

I'll ask during crumb time but did we ever get mama yns reaction to them having tattoos of each others name on them because for some reason that was stuck in my mind the entire chapter???

Iwsjsisisi okay okay okay im done this chapter was amazing and adorable,,,,,

JDNDIDNDI yesss yoongi is noodle arms and also big head and basically any insult ever bc mama yn loves attacking his very being

hana really was the most patient person of anyone — our girl sat there forced to deal w stinky koo for TWO YEARS while yoongi was right there ,,,, patience, she got mad patience

djdjjd i feel like that hobiyn convo was mostly hobi being like bestie are u ok and yn being like bestie NO and rambling,,,, she definitely needed to say what was on her mind bc girl was going insane

ALSO LMAOOOOO THEY PROBABLY STRUGGLED SO HARD TO GET THAT MISTLETOE DOWN THEY FORGOT UNTIL THEY WERE LEAVING THE NEXT MORNING AND THEN YOONGI SAID “uh……… theres uh…… the mistletoes still there……..”

oooohhHHHHH the tattoos!!!!! betting mama yn probably heard about yoongis over the phone the day after and was just like …….. what goes on w these magical kids whats happening — and then when she got hers i honestly think she talked to her mom first and was like I HAVE AN IDEA and her mom was just like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yk what im not gonna say shit

[ahh-fxck]

Warrior’s Blues Chapter 8: I’ve Met Your Idiot

Greetings and salutations, beautiful denizens of Tumblr! Here it is, the much-awaited next chapter of Warrior’s Blues. In which we finally meet one of Geralt’s mysterious family members, Geralt gets a dressing-down in a hospital, and angst is to be had by all. Please enjoy, and if you like it, comment and reblog! Toss a smile to your author!

Big huge amazingly large thanks to @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog​ who is the co-creator and beta of this fic. This chapter especially was influenced and shaped by them. So if you like it, go check out their ao3 here!

As always, please let me know if you’d like to be (un)tagged from the tag list. This story updates approximately once every two weeks, which gives me adquate time to research and edit each chapter. Lil slow, but worth it? Definitely.

@astouract​ @smolpoe​​ @yes-im-the-violin-girl @ladyknight-keladry

“Geralt!” They turn to look as a small woman in an impeccable black suit, white blouse, and classic jewelry snaps to her feet. Her dark, curly hair is gathered with a clasp at the back of her head, and her light brown complexion is highlighted by impeccable makeup. She advances on them with a stormy expression on her elegant face, violet eyes flashing. Geralt goes as stiff, the little color he has in his pale complexion draining away while Jaskier looks on in shock.

She squares up with Geralt and locks eyes with him, a folder with x-rays partially sticking out of it clutched in her delicate looking fingers. Geralt gives her a lost, mortified look, then suddenly ducks as she reaches up and smacks him harmlessly (albeit noisily) across the head with the folder.

“Geralt Rivii! What the bloody fucking hell is wrong with you? What happened to you? Where the fuck have you been?” She hollers in a burst of fury, her small body shaking with the force of it. “Your shite showed up on my doorstep with no explanation! I had to track you halfway across the bloody globe! It’s been two weeks since your last appointment and I’ve been ripping this bloody fucking city apart looking for you! Why the fuck didn’t you call me? I thought you died!” Pulling back, she smacks him with the folder again passionately. “Why the fuck did you make yourself so hard to find?” Smack! “Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” Smack!

Chapter 8: I’ve Met Your Idiot

After that, the days pick up a rhythm. Jaskier makes coffee and breakfast in the mornings and gets Geralt set up for the day. They talk over breakfast, sharing small personal details and discovering mutual interests, slowly getting to know and like one another. Jaskier talks about events at the bar from the night before, and Geralt listens with cautious interest, becoming enamored with the tales he brings home despite his misgivings. Geralt in his turn reveals small stories about himself, favorite childhood treats and places that he’s seen as he’s traveled. Then they clean up the dishes together and Jaskier leaves to go about his daily activities. 

Geralt putters around the house, carefully avoiding the attic except to retrieve his clothes, unable to cope with the memories that swarm around the boxes stored up there. He drinks wine, watches television, and naps until Jaskier returns for dinner. They eat together, talk more, Jaskier goes to work, and when he returns, he always retrieves Geralt from the couch and takes him to bed. When they wake, they make love, shower, and have coffee, the cycle beginning again.  

The morning of the appointment, they wake and couple one last time, tangling together. They sink into each other, hungry mouths and seeking hands, soft cries and deep groans, collapsing in a sticky, happy knot of satiation at the end. Then they rise, get clean, eat breakfast. Geralt dons his outdated clothing and they head out the door together to Jaskier’s car in the early morning heat. 

When they park, the morning air outside the car is heavy and sticky. They walk side by side, already starting to move in the subtle sync of lovers, so much more comfortable with one another than they were on their last visit to the hospital. The air conditioning inside is a welcome contrast to the sticky heat of the outside. Geralt’s follow up is in a different wing of the hospital than the emergency department, so they venture cautiously into the maze of a building. After being pointed to the correct location by a woman at a desk who gives Geralt an inexplicably odd look, they make their way to the waiting room. It’s quiet, too early for many people to be there. As they push through the door, Geralt scans the room. Halfway through the door he stops dead in his tracks, Jaskier colliding into his back. 

“Ow, Geralt, what?” Jaskier complains mildly, stepping out from behind his lover just as a woman’s shout breaks the silence, startling the few people in the waiting room.

“Geralt!” They turn to look as a small woman in an impeccable black suit, white blouse, and classic jewelry snaps to her feet. Her dark, curly hair is gathered with a clasp at the back of her head, and her light brown complexion is highlighted by impeccable makeup. She advances on them with a stormy expression on her elegant face, violet eyes flashing. Geralt goes as stiff, the little color he has in his pale complexion draining away while Jaskier looks on in shock. 

She squares up with Geralt and locks eyes with him, a folder with x-rays partially sticking out of it clutched in her delicate looking fingers. Geralt gives her a lost, mortified look, then suddenly ducks as she reaches up and smacks him harmlessly (albeit noisily) across the head with the folder.

“Geralt Rivii! What the bloody fucking hell is wrong with you? What happened to you? Where the fuck have you been?” She hollers in a burst of fury, her small body shaking with the force of it. “Your shite showed up on my doorstep with no explanation! I had to track you halfway across the bloody globe! It’s been two weeks since your last appointment and I’ve been ripping this bloody fucking city apart looking for you! Why the fuck didn’t you call me? I thought you died!” Pulling back, she smacks him with the folder again passionately. “Why the fuck did you make yourself so hard to find?” Smack! “Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” Smack!

She rifles through the folder, pulling out the x-rays and flourishing them in his face. “And what the bloody fuck is this? Are you insane? Did you get into a fight? I can’t believe you!” She reaches up and whacks him resoundingly across the head with the x-rays this time, eliciting a satisfying ‘thwap’ sound. He grimaces guiltily as she hits him, seeming more chagrined than alarmed by this whole display. Despite the onslaught his body language toward her is gentle, as if he is patiently waiting her out. 

Jaskier, behind him, has recovered from his shock and steps out to try and herd the woman away from him. “Oh, hey now,” he exclaims, stepping forward with his hands held out to try and stop her. “That’s-”

“Who the fuck are you?” She rounds on Jaskier, her violet eyes dark with fury.

Jaskier steps back quickly, his back hitting the doorframe and his heart beginning to hammer. She looks slight, but he has the sensation from the way she moves that she is perfectly capable of breaking his arm without batting an eye. “I’m-” 

“Yen,” Geralt groans, mortified. “Leave him alone.” 

“Who the hell is this, Geralt?” The woman, Yennefer,  turns back to him with her eyes flashing. She’s so upset that she finds herself slipping into her native tongue of Hebrew, English temporarily lost.  <<What the fuck have you been doing? Have you been doing this idiot?! Two! Weeks!>> She hits him about the head and shoulders with the x-rays, which wobble and pop with every strike. She pauses for a moment, riffling furiously though the folder, takes out one piece of paper in particular, and hits him across the head with it, too. <<And I'm so glad,>> she snaps, <<that you don't have any sexually transmitted infections! Good to know finding that out was more important than calling. Your. Family!>> She stuffs the paper back into the folder, then punctuates the end of her sentence with several more harmless but noisy wobbling blows from the x-rays. 

Geralt ducks awkwardly as her strike lands. Yennefer had a tendency to be very passionate when she was upset, but she would never actually harm him. He gives her an embarrassed look, rounding his shoulders and allowing the blows to land without complaint. “Yen-” he starts, but she cuts him off. 

<<Don’t you ‘Yen’ me, Geralt,>> she snaps. <<I’ve been worried sick about you! Where have you been? What happened to you?!>> And just like that, she gathers him into her arms with all the passion she had been using to yell. She crushes him against herself, pressing her cheek to his and rocking him fiercely, her eyes suddenly burning. The solid warmth of him makes her heart hammer with relief, her hands finally knowing what her eyes can see; that Geralt is safe. That he’s alive.

Jaskier looks on at this display in dismayed shock, watching the fierce woman Geralt in her arms. She is petite, but she moves with surety and strength. He can see Geralt relaxing into her, and he realizes that whatever is happening here, they must be very close. Then he sees it. On her left hand is a ring, a stylized lilac flower set in amethyst and diamond winking in the light. Below it is a wedding band, plain smooth gold encircling her delicate finger. He swallows, getting a sinking feeling.

Geralt leans into her with a soft noise, a forgotten breath rushing out of him. The scent of lilac and gooseberries enfolds him, and at last, he knows he’s found home. It has been four years since he’d last had her in his arms, and as she gathers him close it hits him all in a rush.  <<Forgive me,>> he groans into her shoulder, arms coming up jerkily to wrap around her slight frame. <<Neshama shelì, please forgive me.>> His throat closes back up, a hard knot burning where his voice should be. This is who and what he’d been running from, and now that he’d been found, he felt like his world was collapsing around him all over again. Behind him, Jaskier clears his throat nervously, his back still up against the frame of the door. 

“Ah,” he starts, and the woman turns to him again, her expression murderous. 

“Back off, Skippy.” Yennefer snarls. 

Jaskier startles, wishing his back wasn’t already against something solid so that he could back away more. Every instinct in his body is telling him that this woman would eat him alive if given the chance, and he isn’t interested in finding out if that’s true.

“I’ll deal with you later,” She threatens. Then she turns, her body language softening as she looks at Geralt. “Kochany,” she says, giving him a gentle pull. “Come with me.” She gives the receptionist a pointed glance. The receptionist gives her a knowing smile in return and nods towards a room in the back. They’d talked earlier when Yennefer had come in to wait for Geralt, so none of this display was a surprise to her. She’d already given Yennefer permission to use the room if Geralt actually showed up. 

Without further ceremony Yennefer leads Geralt into the exam room, leaving Jaskier dithering in the waiting room. Nearby, an older gentleman shoots him a sympathetic glance over his magazine. Jaskier squirms nervously, then glances at the receptionist. She gestures with her thumb towards the room they are in and mouths, “Wife.” 

Jaskier curses internally, grimacing. He’s still standing in the doorway; he could leave, just get out of here before this whole shitty mess lit on fire. When he was younger, that’s precisely what he would have done; fled. There’s years of hard work between him and that flighty young man though. As he’d aged, Jaskier had come to value honesty and reliability. Being a business owner, being a teacher, had forced him to grow deeper roots. 

Besides, despite the short time he’d known him, he had become deeply fond of Geralt. Maybe even dangerously so. Certainly far more than he’d expected to on their first meeting. No matter how angry his wife had looked, Jaskier couldn’t just leave Geralt here. He’d rather face the music than abandon him. Body singing with trepidation, Jaskier pushes off of the doorjamb and finds himself a seat in the waiting room.

Meanwhile, inside the exam room Geralt sits with his elbows on his knees. He settles in and gets comfortable. Yennefer had been quiet until she’d gotten him settled gently in the chair, but then she had turned to look at him and her jaw had stiffened, her eyes flashing. At that point, a twenty-two year friendship’s worth of experience told him that he had better buckle down and get ready for the storm. Yennefer had a way of needing to holler things out when things got too big, and his discharge and subsequent disappearance was… big didn’t even begin to describe it. It was a catastrophic change in their lives. He watches as she drops the folder and begins pacing, starting to list off the many ways in which he’s upset her recently. 

His body feels distant and numb as he sits there, Yennefer’s terrified, angry tirade washing over him like water. He is swimming in re-awakened shock, the pain he’d been in on the day he’d left Fort Morhen coming roaring back to life with a vengeance. He hadn’t ever expected to see her again, much less find her here at the hospital while he was in the company of a lover. If there was a way he could crawl out of his body and just vanish to escape everything he’s feeling, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Instead he sits, elbows on his knees, hands coming up to grip the back of his neck as he floats in a haze. Foggily, he realizes she’s switched from Hebrew to Polish, his own first language, something she only yells in when she’s really upset with him. 

She shouts about how hard she had to search for him after the boxes of his things arrived. He wasn’t in Somalia, wasn’t at the army base he’d been dumped at, storage unit empty, all papers sent to his P.O. box. She’d been searching the city block by block for him, checking the morgues, checking the hospitals. No phone call. No letter. Nothing! Every now and then he tries to apologize, or explain, but every time he does so she just ups the volume, becoming more and more agitated. 

Geralt nods occasionally, eventually giving up on speaking. The scolding feels well-deserved, his pain becoming focused and raw as it is lanced by the heat of her words. And he’s handling it, he’s fine, until her voice takes on a hysterical edge and he looks up to see that there are tears running down her face. Yennefer shouts frequently, but she almost never cries, and the sight terrifies him. His heart feels like it drops to the floor and shatters at the sight of her tears, his own eyes beginning to burn.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you died, Geralt! I thought you were dead!” She weeps, voice raw with grief and fear. He reaches his arms out to her and she flies into them, settling into him for only a moment before peppering his chest and shoulders with light blows. He soaks them up without comment, accustomed to her passion, accepting it. His eyes burn harder as her tears drop onto his shirt, and soon tears are spilling down his own cheeks unbidden. 

As the first one splashes on her arm she stops, stilled by shock. She rarely cries, but Geralt weeping is unheard of. Shaken, she presses her face to his and wraps her arms fiercely around him. Their tears mingle as they begin to cry in earnest, crushing one another close in the little plastic chair. The years since they’d last touched seem to melt between them, washed away in the hot flood of tears.

Some time later their grips begin to loosen. He nuzzles into her cheek and neck damply, sniffing, and she strokes his face, wiping away the tears and smoothing some of the sadness away. Swallowing hard, he turns and presses his face into her hair, comforted immediately by the feeling of her curls against his nose and lips, sinking into the smell of lilac and gooseberry. She allows this, pressing her face into his shoulder. Eventually she heaves a shuddering sigh, sitting back and wiping mascara from under her eyes with sharp motions, clearly embarrassed to have been seen with tears on her face. 

He swallows down the lump in his throat, drinking her in as she sits there wiping her tears away. Her hair surrounds him in a cloud of soft scent. It was a smell he’d come to associate with safety, love, home. He never thought he’d get to see her again, or smell the sweetness of her hair. Grimacing, he says, “Yen… I know I should have called-” 

“Shut up,” she replies fondly, cutting him off. “Just… oh, you are such an idiot. Be quiet, I’m still too angry with you right now.” She presses kisses to his forehead, to his cheeks, to his nose, then starts wiping his face clean and dry with a handful of tissues. “I’m so angry I could just kill you, do you know that?” Flicking the tissues aside, she continues, “All I want is to know that you’re safe, mój drogi. I can’t believe you were too stupid to even call me.” She brings her hands up to cup his cheeks, looking into his eyes. “Always call me. I’ll always pick up the phone.”

“I know,” he replies thickly, taking her hands in his own as best he can. He looks down and kisses her fingers, ashamed and heartsore. “I’m a fucking idiot, I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Hush,” she snaps, but there is no real heat in it as she gazes at him, a sad smile starting to play at the corner of her full lips. “I’m the only one who gets to call you that.” She presses another kiss to his forehead, and stops as she hears a knock on the door. 

“Not now, we’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she calls, when the doctor asks if they’re ready to be seen. Then she turns back to Geralt, her expression softening further. 

“Now. Who was that you came in with?” She runs small graceful fingers across his hair, stroking it. As she does so she notes with concern how much longer than usual it already is. It’s not like Geralt to let his hair go like this, even with a hand injury. He’d kept his hair the exact same length for the entire time she’d known him. An uneasy prickle crawls over her back. 

“He’s… uh. Jaskier,” Geralt says lamely, and Yennefer is shaken from her unease by the astonishing sight of him reddening visibly when he says Jaskier’s name. She can count on one hand the number of times he’s cried, and in he only very rarely blushes. She tilts her head to the side and ponders this, taken aback. 

“Just a friend?” She asks. There is a gently teasing lilt to her question. 

Geralt is surprised by her tone of voice, and his eyes flick up briefly to hers, full of hopeful but apprehensive. “No. Maybe. I… I don’t know. It’s complicated,” he stammers, then grimaces and cuts a glance at the door. 

Yennefer’s lips quirk, and she turns him back with a finger on his chin so that she can study his face. Now this was interesting. Had he found himself a lover? 

“Has he been good to you? Are you safe?” She presses, looking into his eyes. He gives her a mutinous look and she lets him look away again, a knowing smile playing about her lips. Once she lets him go, he nods. A flicker of relief crosses her face, followed by worried curiosity. 

“Good. Is that where you’ve been this whole time? With him?” He nods again, starting to twist away from her, but she grabs his shoulders and steadies him. “Hey. No, Geralt. Of all the many things I am…” she sighs, eyeing him with fond exasperation, “absolutely furious about, you finding a man isn’t even on the list. You could work on your timing.” A smile cracks her expression, and Geralt huffs softly, a small smile of his own crinkling the corners of his eyes. “But it’s ok. It’s okay. The being with a man part is ok. I’m scared that you didn’t call me, and later you can tell me why. But for now I’m just glad you’re safe, mój drogi.” She pulls him in and kisses his forehead, squeezing him against her. “Have you been intimate?” 

“Yen.”

“I have a right to know,” she presses, cocking her head to the side and looking down at him. 

He grumbles quietly, shame churning in his stomach. Yennefer knows he prefers men in his bed and has always supported him, but he’s never stopped being afraid to talk about it. When he realizes she’s not going to relent until he answers though, he reluctantly nods his head. 

Yennefer’s stomach does a little flip. It’s not a terrible thing in and of itself, but it’s not like her deeply closeted husband to jump into bed with a stranger without fleeing immediately afterwards. Much less allow them to do something as intimate as take him to the hospital. The worry that she’s been feeling sharpens in pitch, and she takes his face in her hand, tilting it up. 

“Did he stop you from calling me?” She eyes him seriously, keeping him from looking away. 

He flickers a tired almost-smile and shakes his head. That was Yen, looking out for him whether he wanted her to or not. “No. That was all me. He didn’t know. Wouldn’t have told him even if he asked.”

She gives him a skeptical moue, but smiles when he tips his head up and fully meets her gaze. The eye contact is reassuring. “Fine,” she hums. “I believe you.” The gnawing ache that’s been in the pit of her stomach since the boxes arrived at her apartment finally begins to ease. Geralt is here, he is safe. Whatever he’d been up to with the man out in the waiting room, he seemed to be more or less in one piece. 

Then, she remembers something they’d discussed many years ago and an impish light comes into her eyes. Stroking his cheek warmly, her smile becomes a smirk. “Is he your boyfriend?” she teases ever so lightly. “Did you go and finally find yourself a boyfriend?”

Geralt grits his teeth, rolling his eyes back in his head. “Yen, I don’t want to talk about this right now.” 

She can tell by the flush creeping up his neck how embarrassed he is. Years of experience in reading him tell her that what he’s hiding is a ‘yes,’ and her smirk widens into an impish grin. “He is! Oh, Geralt, we have got to talk about your timing kochany.” She chuckles quietly, straightening the collar of his old shirt.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Yen. I barely know him,” Geralt protests, mortified. Once Yen got started, though, she was hard to stop.

“Did he stick his hands in your pants?”

“Yen…”

“Did you live in his house while he had his hands in them?”

“Yen!” he groans, appalled. She arches her eyebrow at him, waiting for him to cave. He glares at her, but it doesn’t take long for his willpower to buckle under the weight of her playful, knowing gaze. “Yes,” he admits, sighing. 

“Well then, if he hasn’t made you his boyfriend he should have, and I think I’m going to go make his life a living hell as payback,” she teases, grinning wolfishly. 

Geralt’s eyes widen in horror. “No, Yen-”

“I told you if you ever got a boyfriend I reserved the right to terrorize him a little…” she says with her eyes twinkling. “This is even better. I think I’ll go do that while you’re getting your hand looked at.” 

“Yen…” he pleads, eyes widening in dismay. “Please don’t…”

“Hey! I am your wife. I get to show newcomers who’s boss,” she replies lightly, smiling down at him as she stands. Geralt presses his lips together and glares at her, but this is an old argument. Deep down he knows that he’d already lost it over a decade ago. After a moment he shrugs, unable to summon a counter-argument strong enough to deter her. Saying ‘That’s none of your business’ to an investigative reporter was like waving a red flag in front of a bull, and he knew better by now. 

Pleased by his concession, she arches her eyebrows and gestures towards the door. “I’ll be out in the waiting room.” She pauses, fingering the strap of her purse. “We need to talk when you get out. I have a hotel room, will you come back to it with me?” 

He frowns as she asks him the question, thinking it over. In the roughly two weeks since he’s met Jaskier he has gotten accustomed to his company. Profoundly enjoyed it, to be honest. The warm solace he’d found in Jaskier’s arms had been one of the most profound things he’d ever experienced. He doesn’t want to just uproot from his house and bed. But Yennefer is his home, his safe place. It had been four years since he’d last held her, and his heart was raw with the pain of it. 

He’d been running from her because he wanted to protect her, protect his whole family from his shameful behavior and all of its fallout. In one fell swoop he’d lost his job, his ability to vote, even his right to own a firearm. It felt like he’d lost his right to fatherhood years ago, and after this last mess he felt like he’d lost the last of his remaining right to be a husband, too. 

Despite everything, Yennefer had flown across an ocean and spent weeks scouring the city trying to find him. If that wasn’t love, then nothing was. Now that she has found him he knows he can’t run anymore, no matter how badly he wants to avoid confronting his mistakes. Holding her in his arms after so many years had gotten him by the roots of his soul. He would rather be with her than anywhere else in the world. He nods cautiously. “I’ll come.”

“Good.” She strokes his cheek fondly one more time, then pulls a compact out of her purse and flicks it open. After inspecting and repairing her makeup, she says. “I’ll see you in a little moment, kochany. I won’t kill him, I promise.” Her eyes glitter with laughter as she closes it with a click and stuffs it back into her bag. “Not much, anyway.”

“Yen,” he grumbles again, but she turns on her heel and leaves, giving him no chance to argue, stepping lightly to the side as the doctor returns to check on them. 

“He’s all yours,” she says, sounding satisfied. She breezes around the bemused doctor and heads out to the waiting room, leaving the two men to their business. 

“This water tastes like plastic,” Yennefer complained, grimacing at her mug. Beside her, her companion grinned. 

“Better than tasting like having a runny ass at two AM when you’re out in the field,” he rejoined easily, flicking through a stack of photos. 

“The tea isn’t any better,” she replied, not about to be dissuaded. “It tastes like old shoes. What the bloody hell did they do to it to make it taste like old shoes?” 

“Probably from the old boot tongues we put in it for flavor,” a dry voice came from over their shoulders. Geralt leaned against the wall, eyeing the corridor outside the door impassively. Yennefer’s companion snorted and shook his head as she gave Geralt a dirty look.

“No one asked you,  Lieutenant Boot,” she groused over her shoulder. Geralt shrugged, unphased. Yennefer returned to her thick binder, taking out pages, rearranging them, making notes, placing them back in. It was late, but there was too much work to be done to sleep just yet. 

“How about you make yourself useful and bring some of that awful bloody coffee you Americans drink?” she said, after a long silence. 

“Not my job,” Geralt replied calmly, not budging an inch. She lifted her head to glare at him.

“You’re not good for anything else, I don’t see why not,” she grumbled idly, flicking a page back and forth as she compared two different sets of notes. Again, he didn’t budge.

But the next day at breakfast, when she turned away for a moment to speak to her companion, she turned back and found two boxes of apple juice at her elbow. Geralt was across the room by then, quietly getting himself another cup of coffee. Her companion nudged her and smiled, and she shifted to get a better look at the young soldier’s broad back, eyeing him speculatively. Maybe not so useless after all. 

Out in the hallway, Yennefer composes herself. Now that Geralt is safe for the moment she can focus on this new development. Right now she is more intrigued than upset by this mystery not-a-boyfriend, but bubbling underneath is a deep well of suspicion and protective anger. She’d spent a great deal of her life watching over her big idiot, and she knew he had a tendency to get entangled with people who didn’t respect his boundaries. Given that, she wants to find out what kind of man this Jaskier is. As a veteran investigative reporter she’s certain she has the skills to find out anything she wants. She adopts a cold, stormy expression of displeasure before entering the waiting room, striding up and standing over Jaskier.  

Jaskier leans back as she approaches, a look of deep worry crossing his face as she looms over him. Here we go, he thinks apprehensively, taking in her glare. This bit with the angry spouse? This was his least favorite part of being accountable for his actions. Some traitor voice in the back of his head notes wryly that at least he’s had practice, though. And good thing, too; the woman’s glare made him want to turn tail and run, and it takes a conscious will of effort to stay put.

“Yennefer Rivii.” She introduces herself with a voice like a steel knife, sticking out her hand. “Geralt’s wife.” 

Jaskier tentatively shakes it. Her skin is cool, and she has a surprisingly strong grip, confirming his earlier impression about the ease with which she could break him. Yikes. What had he gotten himself into this time?

“Come with me.” She gestures to the far corner of the waiting room, around the other side of the reception desk. There is no one over there, and there is a nook full of chairs behind the large fish tank that is buzzing and humming quietly away. A little box of children’s puzzles and books sits in the corner. They should be able to have a quiet discussion there without being overheard. 

Jaskier hesitates until she glares at him, then rises uncomfortably and allows himself to be herded to the nook. As he grimaces and ruffles the back of his head nervously, he wishes he either had better taste in men or more common sense, preferably both. He sits cautiously in the seat that she indicates, watching for any sudden movements. She sits crisply in the chair across from him, eyeing him up and down. Jaskier squirms under her silent gaze as her violet eyes rake over him, taking in his scruffy, comfortable red tank top and worn denim jean shorts. He finds himself desperately wishing he was better dressed to meet his lover’s wife. Good grief. 

“So. Who are you and what the hell have you been doing with my husband?” She inquires, her tone icy. “I haven’t heard from him in weeks, and somehow you’re involved. I damn well better get the whole story, you little tosser, or we’re going to have a problem.”

Jaskier gives her a guilty look. “Look, I-”

“Name first, please,” Yennefer cuts in crisply. “Then apologies.” 

Jaskier gulps awkwardly, taken aback. “Uh,” he dithers. His fingers dance and flicker, pulling at the hems of his shorts. “My name is Jaskier-”

“Buttercup? I don’t think so. Try again.” Yennefer interrupts him coldly, watching with pleasure as he flinches. She had learned from years of experience in her job that if you could keep them off balance, they’d tell you almost anything.

Being called on his name two times in one month was something Jaskier had never experienced before, and he didn’t like it. He grimaces, then reluctantly says, “Julian Alfred Pankratz.” He throws up his hands, exasperated, and continues. “And if you tell anyone I’m going to give you a problem right back! There are some things that just shouldn’t be said aloud and my godawful middle name is one of them.”

Yen’s lips quirk as she conceals a smile, then she narrows her eyes at him. “Fine. Now you tell me why Geralt is with you out here in east nowhere, New England.” She cocks her head. “And before you start, let me just say- I’ve been an investigative journalist for over twenty years, so believe me when I tell you I can find out if you’ve lied.” 

Leaning back into his seat, Jaskier eyes Yennefer uneasily. She glares back at him, delicate and fierce as a bird of prey. He wasn’t intending to lie in the first place; the idea of pissing this woman off any further is giving him cold sweats. This, he thinks furiously to himself, is why you ask questions before the pants come off, idiot. You know better than this, why did you do this again? His stomach flutters and spins as he watches her sitting across from him. It takes him a long moment to decide where to start.

“I ah… run a gay bar down near the docks, close to Fort Morhen,” he begins cautiously. “The Pegasus. I met your husband on Pride. The parade had just gone by and this…” he drops his face into his hands, mortified, “Absolutely gorgeous man comes walking up the street.” He moans through his fingers. “Oh lord. And so I offered him a popsicle.” 

Yennefer smirks at the top of Jaskier’s bent head, enjoying his discomfiture. As long as he is no threat to Geralt she isn’t going to terrorize him forever, but right now seeing him squirm is extremely entertaining. 

“And ah. I noticed he had hurt his hand. He seemed…” he waves his hands anxiously, trying to describe the situation clearly. “He seemed a little dazed, so I brought him into the bar and got him some water. Um. Fixed up his hand for him.” Jaskier sits back and pauses, picking his next words carefully. “The last year and a half or so has been really bad in terms of... I’ve seen a lot of soldiers struggling since Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. A lot of guys coming off of the army and navy bases with this, ugh, this really awful lost look on their faces. A lot of them don’t do very well. The army just kind of dumps them on their ass and it’s really unfair.” Jaskier has watched too many men pass through his part of town looking haunted, and then vanish. It’s unsettling to him, and it makes him unspeakably angry and sad that he has no way to help most of them. He gropes for words, trying to make Yennefer understand.

“When I see them now, I try to help. At least a little bit,” he says lamely, feeling his throat closing up on him as he looks up and sees that her glare take on a whole new heat. 

“So, what. You’re running a fuck and release program?” Yennefer asks sharply, a note of distaste entering her voice. Was he a predator? Not only was he here with Geralt when he had no business being here, but it sounded like he may have taken other soldiers home like this before. If he preyed on broken men in desperate circumstances, he was about to find out he’d bitten off a whole hell of a lot more than he could chew. 

Jaskier flinches, shaking his head as understanding flashes across his face. He hadn’t meant to imply that he’d been taking them home with him, but it clearly had sounded that way. By the look on her face she was now well on her way to hating him. He scrambles to explain, burning with embarrassment. “No, nothing like that! I don't usually take s… strange soldiers home off the street. I swear to god, he’s the only one I’ve brought home. To my house. I meant nice like… like free sandwiches at the bar. Not- Oh god,” he buries his face in his hands and groans, then takes a deep breath and tries again. “If I’m going to take someone home with me I’m usually…” he blushes, gesturing his hands illustratively, “Uh. Pretty up front. I promise that’s not what it was about.” He shoots her a desperately uncomfortable look, praying that she will understand. 

She relaxes slightly as she hears that, mollified. He looks nervous as hell, but he isn’t dropping any tells that he’s lying as far as she can see. Instead, he is giving her an earnest look, clearly frazzled by the whole conversation. “All right,” she muses. “What did you mean, then?” 

Jaskier blows out a slow breath, and worries at his lip for a second. Then he says, “He just seemed really… I’ve never seen. I’ve rarely seen a man look so devastated. So I thought, I don’t know. I’ll feed him some lunch, make sure that his miserable fucking day has a little bright spot in it. I felt like it was the least I could do.” 

Yennefer nods, settling back to listen. Her heart aches to think of Geralt lost out there alone, probably too ashamed to call home. Maybe he’d been lucky to have someone catch him before he could fall through the cracks. She studies Jaskier carefully, listening with the full weight of her attention. 

“So…” Jaskier hesitates, eyeing her nervously. Then he sighs, sensing he’d better be complete in his retelling. “When he finished eating he looked like he was about to fall off the stool. He looked like hell. I felt bad for him. I had to open soon and I thought he might get overwhelmed…” He shoots Yennefer a pleading glance, hoping what he’s about to say next doesn’t come across the wrong way. “Um. I thought it would be cruel to kick him out when he was in such a bad way, so I put him in my office instead, there’s a little…” he pinches the bridge of his nose between one hand and waves the other. “A little camp bed back there I use when I stay too late with the books.” He holds up his hands rapidly in a warding gesture as she draws back, about to say something. “I promise I’m not a predator. It wasn’t like that! Just to sleep! I swear I left him in there and he fell asleep. I figured he’d do better after a rest and then I could, I don’t know, send him on his way.”

Yennefer brings her fingers to her lips, giving him a considering look. “That doesn’t explain how he’s still with you two weeks later,” she points out. This was the part that made her the most uneasy. If Geralt ever got up the courage to be intimate with anyone, he usually fled immediately afterwards. Staying would lead to the danger of discovery, and Geralt had spent his life protecting himself and his family fiercely from the kind of attention that would bring. 

“Uhm.” Jaskier squirms, feeling put on the spot. “Well. About that. He uhm. Let me backtrack a little bit, he.” Sucking in a deep breath to quell his stammering, he closes his eyes. Something about the way the woman is looking at him makes his blood freeze, and he is having trouble thinking. Groaning, Jaskier shakes his head and tries again. 

“Okay. So, what happened is that I had to fire my bartender during the rush. It’s a long story. But I got back to my office, and he… Geralt was sitting there watching me try to find a backup on Pride, and he just… offered to help. And I was…” he spreads his hands out expressively in front of him, “I didn’t think he could do it, but he’s…”

“Surprising,” Yennefer finishes, her lips quirking into the slightest of smiles. “Yes. He is. He’s quite the master cocktail maker.” She allows the smile to widen slightly, examining her nails. “I suppose at least something came out of all the time he spent glued to those damn mixology manuals. It’s something of a special interest of his.” Her eyes twinkle. Glued was an understatement. Geralt had a growing collection of the manuals, and had memorized the measures in every one of them.  “He makes a mean Metropolitan.” She comments, flicking her gaze back up. “Continue.”

“He does,” Jaskier says weakly, feeling rather like she’s looking right through him. “Uhm. I was a little at loose ends and I thought… why the hell not.” He flings his hands up. “The worst that was going to happen was getting shut down, and that was already a possibility anyway after the fuck up from the man I fired, so I just… ah, sent him to it. Stuck him behind the bar with my bar back and let him at it.”

Another secretive little smile flickers around Yennefer’s lips. “How did he do?” She inquires. 

“He was… amazing.” Jaskier shakes his head and gives a breathless little chuckle. “Ah, he had a little trouble at first, but I never had to step off the door to get involved. And by the end of the night he had his sea legs under him,” he breaks off, waving off the poor phrasing, realizing he is speaking to an Army wife, “So to speak, and uh.” He laughs. “He got quite a few tips. I was impressed.”

Yennefer smirks, looking obscurely pleased by this. “Still doesn’t explain why you’re here now,” she presses. 

“Um, no. You’re right, it doesn’t. So.” Jaskier scrubs his face again, feeling his whole body surge with nerves. “So. After the other employees left, he’s still sitting there in my bar, and I realize he probably doesn’t have a safe place to go for the night. A lot of the soldiers who end up homeless around here they… that’s how it started. Getting kicked off base and having no place to go. And he’d just done me a good turn. So. Um.” 

"So you took him home and did him a good turn?" She replies dryly, her voice still pitched under the hum of the aquarium so that the other occupants of the waiting room can’t hear them.

"Oh! God, no. I have a private loft above my house. Got it's own key and everything! I promise it wasn't like that. I mean. Oh god. He's beautiful please don't misunderstand me but-" Jaskier babbles, caught off guard. Of all the impressions he would have hoped to make on a lover’s family, this is not it. He’d hoped that the next family he met would be at a nice little brunch or something pleasant, not another round of dealing with an angry spouse.

"Stop!" She cuts him off with a curt gesture. "Stop babbling. Get to the point."

Frazzled, Jaskier grimaces and nods, gathering his wits. "Right. Point was. I took him home and sent him up to the loft. By himself! And um. I have plenty of space in my house. So I just thought I'd let him stay until he got his legs under him. I liked him, please don’t misunderstand me, but I wasn’t.” He knuckles his eyebrows, grimacing, trying to keep his thoughts gathered. “It wasn’t about trying to get laid. It really wasn’t. And he um. He broke his hand. So that's how we got to the hospital." He trails off, his voice abandoning him under the heat of Yennefer's gaze. His throat bobs visibly as he swallows. 

"I see." She says, icily. "And he's just… what, stayed in the attic these last few weeks?"  

Her violet gaze pierces Jaskier, making him feel like he is being dissected. "Well, no-" he squirms uncomfortably. 

"Explain." She says, cutting him off again. 

"Oh, god. Um. Do I really need to-"

"I have friends who can help me hide the body. Please try me." 

“All right,” he grimaces, feeling a rush of shame and discomfort. “I’m sorry, all right, um. Can I just say that I am very stupid and very sorry, before I tell you the rest of this story?” A brief huff escapes Yennefer, and he can’t quite tell if she’s amused or if she’s angry. 

She shakes her head at him and gestures for him to keep talking. Internally, she’s torn between being alarmed and being amused. The more she watches this man, listens to him, absorbs his body language and tics, the less she worries that he is lying to her or hurting Geralt. He is like a big awkward colt, all long limbs, nervy movements, and honest terror at her presence. This sounded more and more like a horny idiot story about to happen. She suppresses a smile, watching as he squirms.  

“All right. So. Oh god. So the next night after I helped him empty out his storage unit, I cooked him dinner. And maybe I had a little too much wine while I was making it. Um. And he’s really… oh god. I mean, you know, you married him. He’s really charming.” 

Yennefer watches coolly as Jaskier vibrates with nerves, trying to keep his voice steady. Internally though, she smirks. Called it. 

“I walked him to the door so that he could go back to the loft. He. Ugh,” he stops and scrubs his face again, missing her growing expression of pleasure at his embarrassment. His stomach aches and rolls mercilessly, but he forges onward. Better to get it all out in the open now, rather than force her to drag it out of him. He gets the strong sense she will happily do so if he makes her. 

“I think I kissed him first. I don’t know. We kissed. Things snowballed. We had sex… oh god. Clearly I should have asked more questions first. Um. I’m really sorry I didn’t ask more questions first-”

Yennefer puts up her hand. “Stop.” She commands, then goes quiet, eyeing Jaskier up and down. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?” Aside from the initial upset at the beginning of the conversation, nothing he’d said had particularly alarmed her. Bit by bit, she begins to relax. Had Geralt really just found a nice man?

Jaskier blushes. “I offered him a job as a bartender. He um. He’s still thinking about it,” he mumbles. It’s only now as he says it in front of Yennefer that he realizes how it might sound.

“Excuse me, you did what?” Yen says, sitting forward. “You… slept with my husband, and then offered him a job? Do you know how insanely unethical that is?” She feels a rush of exasperation. Trust Geralt to end up neck deep in some kind of lunacy the second his life got turned upside down. He could have come home to his family, but no, that would have been too easy. 

She studies Jaskier again, watching how he deflates visibly under her gaze. Jaskier being in control of Geralt’s food, shelter, and income sounded like a recipe for disaster, but the more that she had watched Jaskier, the less she worried he had done any of it as a conscious manipulation. He came across as a genuinely sweet person, a kind heart with no brain whatsoever attached to it. 

“I hadn’t thought about it too deeply, if I’m going to be perfectly honest,” Jaskier says through his fingers to the floor. 

She can see by the tips of his ears that he is deep red with embarrassment. There it is, she thinks, exasperation deepening into a long-suffering chagrin. While Geralt himself was quite stable if left to his own devices, he had a tendency to let other people get him involved in more chaos than he was prepared to handle.

“I… He. I think I get a little stupid around him. Um. I’m really sorry.” Jaskier mumbles, internally kicking himself. Now that she’d said it he could see it, but he honestly hadn’t even thought about the ethics of the offer. He’d just seen a nice thing he could do for someone who could use a leg up and gone for it. While he’d never abuse the power he had over his employees, he could see why Yennefer was upset with him.

“Clearly,” she says wryly, leaning back into her chair and sizing him up. Turning the story back and forth in her mind, she examines him minutely. 

“Well, you don’t seem very bright, but I don’t think you’re a predator.” She says, tilting her head and regarding him with sharp curiosity. If he really was just a kind idiot, then he might be around in her life for a while longer. Geralt had always needed someone, and she’d known from day one that the kind of love they had wasn’t going to be enough for him. “We’re going to have to talk later, you and I.” She glances briefly over her shoulder at Geralt’s exam room door. “I’m going to be taking Geralt back to my hotel room tonight. And tomorrow? You and I are going to sort some things out.” 

Jaskier nods, stomach rolling as he glances up at her. What did she mean, sort things out? That didn’t sound hopeful. Most likely, it meant that they’d be coming to take Geralt’s things and he’d never see him again. The idea makes his heart ache, and he wraps his arms around himself uncomfortably. He didn’t want it to be over yet. 

She looks coolly at him. He looks miserable, and as far as she is concerned, he deserves it. He might have been trying to be kind to Geralt, but what he’d actually done was set her husband up for a lot of potential heartbreak and she wanted him to stew on that a little bit. There would be time later to set him at his ease, but for now, she felt fairly pleased by how the whole conversation had gone.  As she hears Geralt quietly approach, she stands. Geralt comes to a halt when he sees both of them looking at him, and he gives them a deeply worried look. 

“Kochany.” Yennefer greets, reaching up to squeeze his shoulder warmly. “I’ve met your idiot now.”

“Yen…” Geralt groans, mortified. “His name is Jaskier.”

“No, it isn’t, but we’ll waive that point,” she says with the slightest lilt of amusement. “How is your hand?” Geralt lifts it and flexes it gingerly, showing them both that the splint is off. 

“Should be fine if I don’t punch anything else,” he rumbles uneasily, still eyeing the two of them. “Take a few more weeks to heal the rest of the way but the splint is off.” 

“Well then!” Yennefer says brightly. “Don’t punch anything else, or you might not be able to take your idiot up on his job offer.” Geralt rolls his eyes up towards the ceiling as if he is praying for strength, and she gives his arm a little squeeze.  

“Jaskier.” She says, turning her gaze back to him, curled around himself near the fishtank. “’I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” Gently but firmly, she takes Geralt by the elbow and gives him a light nudge. Geralt puffs uncomfortably, looking torn as he gazes down at her then over at his lover, who is still beet red. 

“Jaskier-” he starts, but Jaskier cuts him off by raising a hand. 

“Not now, Geralt,” he sighs. “Just. I’ll talk to you soon. I need to go home right now. Have a good day with your wife.” He drops his head back into his hands and scrubs at his face one last time, trying to gather himself. Geralt gives Yen a frustrated look. She smiles back at him, unphased. Geralt might be free to choose his lovers, but as far as she was concerned, she was equally free to harass them a little on the first meeting. As a treat. 

Geralt hesitates. As much as he wants to reconnect with Yen, he doesn’t want to leave Jaskier alone like this. He is angry with Yen for embarrassing his very nice if somewhat thoughtless lover so thoroughly, but he can see by the look on Jaskier’s face that now is not the time to deal with it. “I’m sorry... “ he says quietly, fiddling with the folder he is holding. “Um. Tomorrow, right.”

“Right then. See you tomorrow.” she says pleasantly, then turns and gently walks with Geralt out of the waiting room. Geralt shoots one last shameful look over his shoulder at Jaskier hunched in the corner, before allowing himself to be guided out of the door by a soft hand at his elbow. 

They made their way up a dirty, crowded street. In the distance was someone singing on a corner, and nearer, a bustling market swarmed with people dressed for the desert heat. Yennefer weaved her way through the crowd with a determined look on her face, holding her bag strap firmly against her shoulder. Beside her was her companion. He was a big, lithe man with a dark beard which concealed terrible pockmarked scarring. He was wearing fatigues, and over his shoulder he carried a large black bag. Right behind them was Geralt, also dressed in fatigues. His serious golden eyes scanned the street continually, his posture stiff and alert. 

As they entered the market, the bustle and roar of the people closed over them. Geralt moved closer to Yennefer, getting up near her side and body blocking a man who got too close as they weaved among the stalls. She glanced briefly up at Geralt, lips thinning, then ducked into an alleyway off of the main thoroughfare. It was quieter here, and there were a few children playing some sort of ball game nearby. Stopping in front of a wooden door in the clay face of the building before them, she adjusted the bag on her shoulder and neatened her head scarf before rapping on it. 

The door opened, and she stepped down into the little room, flashing a brilliant smile and greeting a tired-looking older man. He gestured them inside, but hesitated when he saw Geralt. Geralt eyed him back seriously, then looked around the little room, scanning for danger and seeing none. Yennefer lifted her head. 

<<He doesn’t have to be in here, but my camera man stays,>> she said, already pulling her notepad out of her bag. She jerked her chin at the door and Geralt nodded. His gaze returned to the older man and he eyed him fiercely for a moment, then stepped back into the doorway and assumed a guarding position. The older man hesitated again, then nodded, conceding the arrangement, and retreated into the relative cool of the dark clay room.

As Yennefer’s companion arranged his equipment, Geralt settled into a watchful silence in the doorway. The main part of his attention was on the room around Yennefer, scanning for dangerous interruptions. The other part was on the street, carefully tracking the sounds of the people bustling at the head of the alley and the children scrapping over the ball. 

As the interview was wrapping up, Geralt’s head suddenly snapped up as the ball flew past him out towards the head of the alley. A young boy followed it at breakneck pace, laughing so hard it sounded like he was about to be sick. He careened into the crowd, retrieved the ball deftly, and heaved it back into the alley. Geralt ducked out of the way as the ball whistled past him, meeting the little boy’s sudden look of worry with a genial wink. The boy flashed a smile and zipped back the other way, returning to the seething pack of children at the back of the alley.

A moment later, as Yennefer and her companion were exiting the building, the ball flew past once more. The same child shot after it, ducking and weaving amongst the crowd as he attempted to retrieve it. He lost his balance, bounced off of one man, and landed at the feet of another, who kicked him absentmindedly out of the way. 

The child cried out in pain, twisting in the middle of the street, landing himself under yet another man’s feet as he attempted to dodge away from the blow. This man stepped back from the child as if his ankles had been burned, and he shouted at the child, berating him. Geralt stiffened, eyes narrowing. The older man who Yennefer had interviewed closed the door behind her and her companion firmly, leaving them in an uncertain knot in the alley.

Out in the street, the man had begun kicking the child, shouting imprecations and curses as his foot struck over and over again. As he reached down to grab the little boy’s hair and pull him up, Geralt broke from his position and dodged forward into the street.

“Hey!” He shouted, his deep voice startling against the backdrop of relative quiet in the alley. <<Stop!>> The man ignored him, tightening his grip viciously in the boy’s hair and beginning to beat him about the head and shoulders with the flat of his hand. The boy began to scream in terror and pain, kicking and struggling, tears leaking from his eyes. Geralt closed in rapidly, looming over the smaller and much older man gripping the boy’s head. In the background, Yennefer and her companion tensed, but as she made to follow Geralt into the street, her companion blocked her and shook his head. 

<<Hey! Asshole!>> Geralt snapped, eyes flashing. The other man’s grey head came up and he met Geralt’s gaze, eyes dark with anger, tightening his grip on the boy’s hair. 

<<Hey asshole yourself!>> he snarled, shaking the sobbing child. <<This little shit has been getting underfoot for weeks. This is none of your business! Back off!>>

<<Touch him again and I’ll make it my business, you motherfucking son of a bitch!>> Geralt barked, leaning in closer. The grey-haired man’s beard wobbled as he puffed and glared at Geralt, but he was also slowly beginning to shrink back in on himself as Geralt squared up on him, a look of mounting fury in his golden eyes. Geralt stepped into his body space, carefully maneuvering himself so that, as the man’s hand began to loosen, he was putting himself between him and the weeping child still squirming to get away. 

As Geralt closed the distance between them, the boy finally twisted loose. Geralt immediately swept him up behind his back, now firmly between him and the angry, sputtering man. 

<<Fuck off!>> Geralt snarled, holding the boy’s head against his leg as little hands fisted his fatigues, feeling him tremble like a little bird. The other man stepped back, startled by the heat in Geralt’s voice. 

<<I… you... !>> he sputtered back at Geralt, at a loss for words. Geralt bared his teeth and made as if to lunge towards the man, and the man jumped back. 

<<Fuck you!>> he cried, finally backing away. Then he turned his venomous gaze to the little boy. <<If I ever catch you around here ag->>

<<One more goddamn word and I”ll kick your motherfucking ass!>> Geralt roared back, cutting him off. <<If you fucking touch him another goddamn time you’re going to have one hell of a headache, motherfucker, just try me!>> The little boy shrank against his leg, frightened by the shouting, and Geralt tightened the pressure of his hand on him just slightly, trying to reassure him. 

The man gave one more angry sputter, shook his finger at Geralt, then backed away into the crowd, tossing his hands into the air in a final gesture of displeasure as he went. Around them, the market bustled on, mostly uninterrupted by the shouting match. Aside from giving the little scene enough berth to stay out of range, the passersby seem to be carefully ignoring the whole incident. 

As he watched the man vanish into the crowd, Geralt’s body hummed with angry tension. He didn’t relax until he saw the grey head vanish around a corner. When he was sure that he was gone, he turned his attention to the rest of the street, scanning it until he was reassured that the passerby were not a threat. Then and only then did he turn his full attention to the child clinging to his leg. 

Gently, gently, as softly as if he was handling a little bird, he pried the child’s fingers off of the leg of his fatigues. Then he led him into a safe place near the mouth of the alley and knelt down, making himself small. His eyes softened as he knelt, and he made reassuring noises as he looked the child over, inspecting him for serious injury. The child was scraped and bruised, streaked with tears and trembling as he gulped back little sobs, but he was otherwise unharmed. 

Nearby in the alleyway, Yennefer watched curiously as Geralt began to chat quietly with the young child, who couldn’t have been more than six. He was easy with the little one in a way she rarely saw people be with children. He was more relaxed with the child than she'd ever seen him be with any adult, either. His face was calm and kind, and lit up with delight a moment later as the boy said something that made him laugh. 

She’d never seen him look this soft before, his manner totally transformed by his proximity to the child. She nibbled the inside of her lip speculatively, re-evaluating her opinion of the lieutenant yet again. He might come across as stupid, stiff, and arrogant, but there were clearly hidden depths she hadn’t given him credit for. She turned to her companion.

“What do you think, Coën?” She asked, leaning against the side of the building. 

“I think you should ask him out for a drink, Yenna.” Coën replied with a big grin, teasing. “He’s good company. You’d be surprised.”

“Oh, what, you get drunk with the idiot once and now you’re bonded?”

“Yup. That’s how it works,” Coën’s green eyes were merry as he eyed his partner, who had her arms crossed doubtfully. “He’s a funny little fucker.” 

“I somehow doubt that,” Yennefer said, but she turned her thoughtful gaze back to Geralt. By now he had retrieved the child’s ball from the market stall where it had finally come to rest and was handing it back to him, along with a little piece of fruit he’d purchased from the stall’s owner. 

“Your loss,” Coën said with a shrug, adjusting the big bag on his shoulder. He raised his camera and took a few discreet shots of Geralt and the child, smiling to himself. Then, he cocked his head at her.

“Ready to head back?” She nodded, eyes still on Geralt’s back. Falling into step, they slowly approach the mouth of the alleyway. The child scrambled off with the ball as they approached, his cheeks bulging with fruit, and Geralt straightened back to his full height. Coën clapped him on the shoulder genially, smiling, and Geralt gave a soft, awkward smile in return. Together, they all turned to the market and merged into the crowd, heading back the way they came.

Geralt is curled along the length of her black-clad leg, face pressed into her hip as she idly strokes his short hair. His breathing is finally easing back into a slow, steady cadence as he rests his head on her. She is leaning back against the headboard of a hotel bed, pillows arranged comfortably under her back, a glass tumbler of brandy in her other hand. Her own heart is beginning to slow, and the alcohol helps soothe the ragged edges of frustration and sadness that she is feeling.

The air conditioning unit rattles and hums in the corner, keeping the crisp looking hotel room cool even in the soggy summer heat. It’s a small blessing in an otherwise raw and painful day. The sunlight peeking through the curtains has mellowed, taking on the penetrating gold of an early summer evening. They've been there for hours, trying to talk and getting nowhere, and now they are in another lull. Her fingers run firmly along the backs of his ears, along his neck, over his forehead, slowly but surely soothing away some of his stress. It’s good to have him back, but it frightens her deeply that he is being so reticent. She’s used to him being taciturn, but this is a whole new level of lock-out. 

For his part, he hates how she has been needling him to talk about what happened to him. The things she has been asking him to divulge are so painful that they feel like they burn to touch, sear when he tries to speak, so he’s been fighting to escape her attempts to dig at them. But on some level, he knows she’s right to pry. She has a right to know. He is finally accustoming himself to the idea that he can’t run from her or this conversation any longer. 

Taking a sip from her tumbler, she says, “Are you ready to talk now?” Against her leg, he nods, reaching up to tangle his fingers delicately amongst the soft curls spilling over her shoulder. He rubs them between his fingers, watching them spring back as he releases them. The feeling of them running through his hand is like coming home. 

She may be many things, but most importantly, she has always been his safe harbor and closest ally. Always steadily at his back in a world where few people have cared for him. He is still angry about how sad and frazzled Jaskier looked, and he finds himself missing the sweetness of the other man’s presence. But despite that, he suspects that he is right where he should be. Now that he can’t run anymore, despite his shame and fear, he finds that he is deeply grateful to sink into her love. 

“All right, kochany.” Her finger rubs up the back of his ear, running along the delicate shell of it firmly, just so. His eyelashes flutter against his cheeks as he heaves a deep sigh. For the first time since he was arrested the feeling of being in free-fall is easing, and he is reluctant to break the peace of it. He knows that he has to, though. Steeling himself against the ugliness of his feelings, he clears his throat.

“What do you want to know?” he murmurs into her hip reluctantly. She smiles down at him, eyes sad and soft. 

“What do you think I want to know, moj drogì?" She rejoins gently, pressing her hand against the side of his head, holding him close. Words are hard for him, she knows, but if there was ever a time to pry it is now. She takes another sip of brandy and eyes him, her expression kind. He turns and buries his face in her leg.

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“You promised.”

He heaves a heavy sigh into the soft, exquisitely tailored leg of her pants and nods. “I did,” he admits unhappily. 

“It worries me that you won’t even tell me who it was, mój drogi. You didn’t get a dishonorable discharge all by yourself. I asked some rather pointed questions when the Army couldn't tell me where you were.” She tilts her head, more curls spilling over her shoulder which he reaches for. The corner of her lip curves up in a melancholy smile as she watches him play with them. Her anger had been spent some hours ago, and now she is able to be patient, holding a gentle space for her husband to find his words. After almost twenty-two years of knowing him, she knows they are slow to come when he speaks on difficult feelings, if indeed they come at all. 

“It wasn’t his fault,” Geralt repeats quietly, burning with shame. “I should have stopped him.”

“You’ve said already. I’ll ask you again. Whoever this mystery idiot was, did he start it?” 

Geralt groans. “That’s not the point. The point is, I knew better and I shouldn’t-”

“Stop. We’ve been around this circle all afternoon. I have the time, I’m not letting you go until you tell me the rest, kochany.” 

He sinks back into silence. Anyone else might think he was sulking, but Yennefer knows that he is struggling uphill inside, trying to force words through a mouth that just does not want to move. She swirls her fingers along his scalp again, white hairs tickling under her fingertips. He leans into the good feeling, using it to help bring him back to himself. Inside of him the untold story burns like hot lead in his chest and throat, searing away at his insides. 

Eventually he says, “We had just gotten out of the field.”

“The field? Since when have you been getting out of the office?”

“I hate the office.”

“I know, but that’s not the point. The point is, you trapped yourself into one by being too competent to avoid that damn promotion,” she teases gently, finally getting a pained little smile out of him. 

“True. But…” he shrugs uncomfortably. “I guess that’s why they sent me back out into the field. I’m good at my job. Uh. Was good.” He frowns, turning his face into her leg, feeling a rush of guilt and anger. 

“It’s ok, kochany. I know. So, what. You went out into the field, got shot at…?”

He nods, turning up to see her. He drops his hand to rest on her stomach, idly beginning to play with the white silk of her shirt. “Yeah,” he says, voice rough. “Almost died. He almost died. We… it was stupid. We got back to base and it…” he heaves a sigh. “I don’t know. I felt so numb that I just wanted to feel something. And he always pushes, and I just… let him. This time I just let him.” Even talking about it burns. He feels like the air is slowly being eaten out of his lungs as he speaks, and his fingers tighten on her shirt as if it could somehow protect him.

Her lips thin, and she nods. “There’s only one person I know who you talk about like that, kochany. Was it…”

“Eskel,” he mumbles into her hip, nodding. “Yes. It was Eskel.”

“That barmy prick,” she says, her quiet voice full of an old anger. “I told you if you kept on with him something like this was going to happen.” Her face is carefully neutral, but he knows if he looks up, he will be able to see the angry flash in her eyes. 

“I know, Yen,” he mumbles into her leg, feeling a hot rush of embarrassment twist his already aching heart. “It was stupid. It's always been stupid, but I just… I needed to feel something. It's always been like that with him." Shame creeps up after the embarrassment, an old and constant companion. He rubs his thumb on the button of her shirt, focusing intently on it, trying to stay present. 

“Bet you felt something when you were being court martialed, idiot,” she points out, irritation sharpening her voice. He flinches, but nods, the shame deepening into a hot, quiet pain. She presses her lips together as she sees the expression which crosses his face, fingernail tapping on her glass. She takes another sip, then smoothes her hand out across his hair again. 

“I’m sorry, kochany. I’m angry. I shouldn’t have said it quite like that,” she apologizes, realizing that humiliating him isn’t going to help him talk to her right now. Her own stomach twists with guilt as she gazes down at him. Normally he doesn’t mind her sharp tongue, but she’s known him long enough to know that there’s a time and a place, and this just isn’t it. He grumbles something indistinct into her leg, but by the cadence of it, she can tell it isn’t meant to be heard. 

“So at least now I know who to bury,” she says mildly, a little smile playing about her lips. “What happened then? You must have been very ashamed.” He nods, tentatively reaching up for her curls again, seeking an anchor. She tips her head, allowing him easy access to them. While he gathers his voice he fingers them softly, reveling in the soft texture and sweet smell of lilac and gooseberry. The sensations help orient him as he navigates the storm of feelings that he is experiencing, groping for the words to explain something unspeakably painful.

“I just… I knew I couldn’t come home,” he explains, his voice rough with misery. “They dumped me at Fort Morhen with that fucking truck and whatever I could fit into my backpack. The rest of my shit got shipped back to England.” She can see the tip of one of his ears from where she is sitting, and she runs her finger gently over it, trying to soothe away some of his shame. 

“I know, kochany. I almost had a heart attack when it showed up on our doorstep. Why did you think you couldn’t come home? You know I’ll always take you no matter what. You’re safe with us.”

He shakes his head vehemently, face closing up. He pulls away from her abruptly and sits up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and putting his back to her. She eyes his back, then, without comment, stands and walks around to the little counter near the mini fridge. This is an old dance, and she has the time to do the steps today. She can see he needs a moment, so she finds a way to give him one. Quietly, she pours him his own glass of brandy and brings it back to him, pressing it into his hands without forcing eye contact. When he takes it, she strokes his shoulder lightly before returning to her nest of pillows.

He turns the glass tumbler back and forth in his hands, watching the light play through the dark amber liquid. The questions make him feel an irrational surge of anger, and he allows himself to quietly seethe for a moment. Then, as quickly as it came, the anger fades, washing back to leave a deepening shame in its place. He takes a huge swallow of the brandy, shakes his head, and says, “I’ve never been any good for you three. At least I used to be stable. But I couldn’t bring myself home just to be a wreck. It wouldn’t be fair.” he shrugs. “Besides, the way I was discharged? Cirilla doesn’t need to know I’m…” He trails off into choking silence, his throat closing, and he shrugs painfully.

Yennefer’s heart sinks. This isn’t the first time she’s heard Geralt talk like this, and she has a good guess about what the end of that choked off sentence was. “Oh, love. Are you worried about what she’ll think if she finds out that you’re gay?” Yennefer asks gently. If she hasn’t missed her guess she knows the answer, but she presses him anyway, trying to get him to finally talk about it. He’s spent years refusing to fully engage, and she is secretly hoping that at least now he will begin to process his feelings about himself. That way at least something good could come out of this awful mess.

He shrugs angrily, glaring at his brandy. “I don’t want to talk about that, Yen.”

“You brought it up-”

“Stop!” He barks, glaring over his shoulder at her. She stares back at him coolly, not about to be deterred this time. 

“You can say the word ‘gay,’ Geralt.” She presses on, holding his gaze. “There’s no one here but me, and I’ve known for a long time. The least you can do is be honest with yourself. Or if not yourself, with me. We’ve been through hell together, we have a daughter together… It’s about time we talked about it for real.” 

Geralt scowls at her stiffly, his expression getting flatter by the second. “Don’t make me talk about this.” He says, turning away from her and squaring his shoulders against any further intrusions on the subject. Exasperated, Yennefer rolls her eyes, then presses her drink glass between her hands, using the cool heaviness of it to keep her calm.  

“Oh for the love of- Geralt. Kochany. I was there helping you find call boys to bang! Who are you trying to fool, here?" She nudges him lightly with her foot, determined to press. "Have you fucked any women since me?”

“Have you fucked any men?" He growls back, cutting her another sharp look over his shoulder.

"No, but I haven't fucked much of anyone since you. You know that. You're avoiding the question."

He shrugs, mutely. His shameful silence is answer enough. 

“Twelve years without a woman, Geralt…” She heaves a heavy sigh, then swallows back the last of her own brandy before continuing. “If there’s one blessing to come out of this bloody mess, it’s that you have no career to protect any more. The cat is out of the bag. You can at least say it in private, with the person who knows you best.” She nudges his back gently again with her bare foot. “Besides, who do you take me for? You think I raised our daughter to hate people like you? Do you really think I would do that?”

As his shoulders slowly droop, she sets her glass aside and comes to sit behind him, wrapping her arms around his thick waist and pressing her cheek to his back. “I’ve never been ashamed of you, mój drogi. The way you are has never been wrong to me. And I’ve never regretted the life we’ve shared.” She kisses softly at the back of his neck, her breath tickling his hair. “You are better than you give yourself credit for.”

His already stiff body tenses further and he idly pulls away from her, but doesn’t fight it when she keeps her arms wrapped around him. Her gentle words make his heart plunge, and he shakes his head. The love feels so good, but so misplaced, and he can barely stand to experience it. It feels like it doesn’t belong to him. Every fiber of his being wants to push it away, to keep his family from all of the ugliness boiling inside of him.

“Yen… stop. I’m not a good father. All I do is hurt Ciri. I can’t make her happy… Besides… She shouldn’t have to have a father she can’t talk about in public.” He pauses, the muscles in his jaw working as he gropes painfully for his next words. “And… She has you, and she has Coën. Fuck, Yen! He's been a better father to her than I could ever fucking be. He’s been there with you raising her, not me. Just tell her I fucking died. It would be better.” The words spill out of him like hot acid, leaving him feeling like he’s vomited fire in their wake. He’s heard them repeated in his own head so many times, but they feel new and awful all over again as he feels her stiffen behind him. 

“Geralt!” Yennefer snaps, shocked. She can feel her heart beginning to race with fear as she realizes exactly how deeply his poor self esteem has plunged since they last spoke in person. “You take that back right now! Our child is very proud of you, and rightly so!” Gently, she gives him a little shake, trying to rattle some love into his stiff body. 

“Besides, I would never, ever lie to her like that. I know you’ve struggled with her, kochany. But you’ve never given yourself the time to learn what Ciri needs from you.” She squeezes him, pressing her hands across his heart, seeking to ease even a little of his pain. “She doesn’t need you dead, Geralt. She needs you to give yourself a chance to try.” She nuzzles into the back of his shoulder, keeping him ferociously close.

“Besides,” she murmurs quietly against the back of his ear with a wry smile, “Coën would kill you if you died. You promised you would step up when you retired, kochany. You know he’s going to hold you to that.” 

He grumbles quietly, heart feeling like it is burnt to ashes, but he allows her to begin to rock him. Sensing the enormous pain he’s in, she seeks to soothe it by easing him into his natural rhythm. She feels the sudden release of tension when she hits the right cadence and his own motion takes over. They sway softly together, there on the edge of the hotel bed, Yennefer's cheek pressed to his shoulder where she can hear the beat of his heart. The rocking motion is as much part of him as his breath, and she has learned long ago to help him find it in times of deep distress. 

After a while he slows, then stills. His body is relaxed now, breathing and heart rate steady and slow. The pain is still gnawing the inside of him to pieces, but he feels more himself than he has in weeks. He sets his glass aside on the bedside table and brings his hands up to cover hers, cradling them against his chest, grateful for the care she is taking. His throat burns hotter as he sits with her cool hands cradling him, his eyes beginning to water as he tries to process the sheer amount of agony he’d been hiding from himself. She feels a wet drop on her hand and her head comes up, eyes widening. Then she squeezes him mutely closer, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. 

“I don’t know how to do any of this, Yen. I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t call you because I didn’t know what to do,” he says thickly. “I’m just… I shouldn’t be here. There’s nowhere I fit, and I don’t want to drag you three down with me, neshama shelì. You deserve better than that.”

Her heart twists inside of her as she listens to him, her hold around him becoming fierce. Her small frame is wiry, containing considerable strength, and she uses all of it to crush him against her. She brings her head up and brushes her lips against the soft skin behind his ear, loving him, wanting to be certain that he hears her.

“You belong right here, Geralt Rivii,” she murmurs ferociously. “I’m never going to let you forget that, no matter how hard you try.” Her heart hammers and she feels nauseous. She knew he was depressed, but this is a whole new level that she’s never seen him sink to before, and she is deeply worried about his safety. 

He shakes his head, wetness dripping down his cheeks. His burning throat squeezes shut and he can’t get any more words out, so he just leans into the ferocity of her embrace without speaking. Her head whirls as she presses herself against him, searching for the right words to say. Geralt has been a constant in her life for over two decades, and the idea that she might lose him to this is unbearable. She begins to rock him again, and this time he moves with her almost right away, his body taut with misery as they sway. 

As he stills again some time later, her delicate fingers come up to wipe the tears from his face and smooth his cheeks, stroke his hair, worried. She covers him with affection and he leans into her hands needfully, soaking up the gentleness like a sponge. 

After a long silence in which her hands work to soothe him, her mind churning, she comes to a conclusion. Geralt’s depression is something she feels out of her depth to deal with all in one go. She will have to circle back around to it after more thought, so she changes the subject. 

“Tell me about Jaskier, kochany.” She prompts, smiling into his shoulder as he gulps and gives a soft painful chuckle, lowering his face into his hands. 

“Oh, I don’t even know where the fuck to start with him,” he says damply into his fingers, wiping the remaining tears from his face. His stomach flips to even talk about Jaskier, to hear his name on her lips. Shame and gnawing fear and deep desire all tangle together as he remembers blue eyes and soft hands and kindness. “I’m so fucking confused, neshama shelì. I’ve never met anyone like him before.” 

She laughs at this, leaning back as he shifts to lean back against the headboard of the bed, stealing some pillows from her nest. Graciously choosing not to mention anything, she brings the rest of them along, arranging them so that she is supported while she lies along his side and places her head over his heart. He wraps his arms around her lightly and brings one hand up to start stroking her hair again, delicately working a tangle out when it snares around his finger. He is obscurely relieved to change the subject, but he isn’t honestly sure that he likes this one much better. 

“So tell me how you met, that’s a good place to start. He mentioned that you were dazed when he first met you, what happened?” Yennefer prompts. She has concerns about Jaskier’s grasp of boundaries, but at the same time she can see that Geralt is very fond of him. She hopes talking about him will help lift his mood. 

Geralt grimaces, then shrugs and nods, deciding to be forthcoming for once in his life. “I was… upset when I left the base. And that damn truck overheats in the summer, so I had to run the heater at full blast to try and keep it from shutting down on the middle of the highway.” His big hand runs over her head, and he presses his nose into her hair softly. He takes a deep inhale, eyes fluttering closed as he sinks into the peace of the smell. After a moment, he continues, his deep voice rumbling under her ear.

“The highway was a parking lot all the way from the base to the city. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the uh… Pride march thing had blocked traffic for fucking miles. It must have been over a hundred in the direct sun, and I didn’t have enough water. By the time I got off the fucking highway, I’d been out there for more than two hours and I was starting to get heat exhaustion.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head, thinking back on the day, a little furrow appearing between his brows. 

“I was… It was too much, I got overwhelmed. I was feeling too fucking much. So when the truck broke down, I just… I lost my shit. Beat the fuck out of the tree I parked next to, fucked up my hand. I was so fucking angry.” 

“I know you know better than to punch trees when you’re mad, Geralt.” Yennefer points out, drawing a soft circle on his chest around the buttons of his white shirt. “Were you having a meltdown?”

Hearing this, Geralt’s face goes blank and hard. He cuts Yen an angry look. “No.” He replies flatly. “I just lost my shit.” Yennefer had a nasty habit of trying to draw parallels between him and his daughter’s difficulties, and he wasn’t having any of it. 

Internally, Yen finds herself biting her tongue. This was another thing he didn’t like talking about, and now wasn’t the time to argue with him about it. She heaves a quiet sigh, for once letting it go by. “So what happened next?”

He eyes her for a long moment, making sure that she’s not going to argue with him before he continues. Then he relaxes minutely, deciding to continue telling his story. “I stumbled into the Pride parade,” he reluctantly reveals, uncomfortable. “And had a fucking episode. Totally blanked out.”

“Again? That seems to be happening to you way too often, kochany. Last time we spoke on the phone you said you’d had more than the month previous. It’s getting worse.” She frowns, adding that to her list of worries. Geralt had been showing signs of worsening PTSD for years, and it had moved from a background concern to a full-blown worry for her in the last few months. 

“Hmm. Yeah…” he heaves a heavy sigh, frowning. Beneath her, he shifts side to side uneasily for a moment before re-settling. “I lost track of my feet… when I looked up, I was a long way from where I had been, and my hand hurt…” he shifts slightly to get more comfortable, feeling a rill of nerves as he recalls seeing Jaskier for the first time. It was rare for him to share things like this with Yennefer. It felt weirdly naked. He swallows hard. “Jaskier was there. He was kind.” His voice trails off as he feels his chest tighten, making it hard to speak. 

Yennefer smiles, taking in the way that Geralt’s face is already softening as he remembers Jaskier. This is a side of him she rarely sees. “He told me you let him bandage your hand, kochany. You barely even let me touch you when you’re hurt. You must have really liked him,” she teases gently, trying to keep him talking. To her delight, a bashful smile flits across Geralt’s face, there and gone again in a heartbeat. 

“I… did. Yeah.” He replies awkwardly, avoiding her eyes. She doesn’t press, letting him find his way through. She is rewarded a moment later as he continues. 

“He’s really… Hmm. I didn’t know what to do with it.” Shaking his head, he fidgets her hair uncomfortably.

“Really what?” She nudges him. “Hot? Beautiful? Terrifying? What are you trying to tell me?”

Geralt tilts his head to give her a frustrated look, but she smiles back at him and he relaxes a little bit. This is an old habit of hers, trying to get him to be more forthcoming, more specific. Embarrassed, he squirms. 

“He’s really beautiful, Yen,” he admits, very quietly. A bemused look comes over him, the expression out of place on his usually stoic face. She laughs, cupping his cheek and running her thumb over it. 

“I love how you look when you say that, mój drogi.” Yennefer sighs, feeling bittersweet. “I don’t know if you’ve ever looked that way before, talking about someone. It’s good.” And it is. Geralt has never allowed himself much in the way of happiness, and she likes how it looks on him, regardless of how it came to him.

Geralt grimaces, embarrassed, pulling his face away from her hand. She lets it drop back to his chest, where he holds it softly against his breastbone, needing the warmth of her close. The touch on his face was too much, but her hand near his heart feels about right. 

Seeing how uncomfortable he is, she lets the subject drop. “And then… what? Lunch?” She’s rewarded with another faint flicker of half-smile. 

“Yeah. Good food, too.” 

She gives him a soft look, squeezing his hand very gently. “Then a nap?”

Grumbling softly as his embarrassment deepens further, Geralt nods. Yen waits, and he eventually realizes she expects him to keep talking. Reluctantly, he continues. “I slept for a while. I woke up at night and he…” Geralt shrugs and heaves a quiet sigh, “came in very upset not long after.”

“You didn’t like seeing him that way, did you?” Yen asks gently, studying Geralt’s face as she questions him, privately fascinated. It feels odd to see him open up. Unexpected, but good.

“No,” he admits, fidgeting with her fingers as he cradles her hand against his chest. Groping for words, he feels like his throat is closing up on him again. 

Yennefer knows him well enough to expect this and slightly changes the subject again, hoping to keep drawing him out. “How did you like being behind a bar for real? I remember back in Tel Aviv you used to talk David into letting you back behind the counter after hours to see what he did and where he put everything… I swear I don’t know how he used to put up with you bothering him so much.” 

Geralt laughs, the expression throwing light across his drawn features. “He appreciated having someone to talk to who didn’t want to argue about the football match, Yen. I wasn’t bothering him.” 

She chuckles, shaking her head. “I find that hard to believe. You were like a little child getting to see a fire engine last time I saw you back there with him. It was very sweet,” she smiles, her eyes twinkling with a tease, “But it personally would have driven me bloody well insane. I would have thrown you out.”

“Lucky for me he wasn’t you, then,” Geralt says, nudging her gently with his elbow, causing her to smile again. She nudges him back in the ribs, pleased to see him warming up and relaxing.

“So. Real night behind the bar. I heard you even made tips, hmm?”

“I did,” he admits, his face clearing, looking younger than she’s seen him look in years. “I… it was fun, Yen. It was challenging. I don’t think I got a thought in edgewise the entire night because I had to hustle so hard.” He tips his head back against the headboard, studying the swirls in the plaster of the hotel ceiling. “I loved it.”

She relaxes against him, enjoying his happiness. “I thought you might have.” He looks down at her and smiles, and she squeezes his hand. She lets the conversation rest for a moment, letting the warmth of the exchange sink deep into both of them. It’s a rare treat to see Geralt smiling about something like this, and she wants to savor it. 

Eventually, he lifts his hand to begin playing with her curls again. She sighs comfortably and shifts against the pillows, loving the gentle touch. Their eyes drift closed, and he hums softly in contentment as the silky ringlets slide between his fingers. After a while, she cracks open an eye. 

“I’m glad it went well, mój drogi. You’ve always wanted to do that.”

“It’s stupid,” he replies, suddenly uncomfortable. “But yes. I did.”

She sighs, frustrated. “It’s not a stupid thing to enjoy, Geralt. You’re allowed to have fun, kochany. Don’t let ghosts take away your joy.” 

He grimaces, but nods, conceding the point. It’s an old argument, and he is too emotionally exhausted to fight over something he knows he probably shouldn’t even be defending. The ugly words inside of him from years of pain are always there, ready to be spoken again and again. Yennefer has never had the patience for them, though, pushing back when he spoke ill of himself or the things he loved.

She chews the inside of her lip lightly, wondering how to approach the next part of the conversation. She knows she needs to be delicate, because she doesn’t want to shut him down. Cautiously, she says, “You must have been tired by the time you were done.”

He eyes her, reluctant to be drawn into conversation about Jaskier, worried that she will say something unkind about him. She eyes him back, feeling a little guilty as she sees his worry. Sitting up, she pats his chest. “I’m going to get a refill. Would you like some?” She grabs her glass and rolls off of the bed. When she turns to look at him, he extends his empty glass to her and she takes it without further comment. 

She walks to the counter and sets the glasses down, filling them each with a generous measure of brandy. When she returns his glass to him, his face is closed, and he pulls the glass in close against his chest. Sitting on the end of the bed near his feet, she cocks her head and looks him over. He looks haggard and uncertain, wrung out by the last few weeks of his life. 

She reconsiders her approach, and ventures, “Are you worried about what I’ll say if you talk about going home with him?”

Startled, his eyes come up to meet hers, and he reluctantly nods.

Taking a sip of her brandy, she rolls it over her tongue as she considers this. “Kochany… We need to talk about this.” She holds up her hand as he goes to speak, a gentle but firm gesture. “So for once, I’ll try and hold off on telling you what’s on my mind. I just want you to tell me what’s going on.”

He huffs a quiet laugh and brings the glass to his mouth, taking a swallow. “You must really be worried if you’re willing to bite your tongue, Yen.” 

She laughs at that, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “I don’t know if worried is the right word, but yes. I think it’s very important that you feel safe to speak right now, so I am going to be very careful with the words I choose. Ok?”

He shifts uncomfortably, rubbing his shoulder against the headboard as if to scratch an itch, but when he settles, he nods. “Ok,” he says, muffled by the tumbler as he takes another sip. They sink into an uncomfortable silence together, wreathed in the scent of brandy and exhausted stress. She watches him out of the corner of her eye, noticing that his body language closes down and becomes more stiff and unreadable as the minutes tick by. It has been a long day, and they are both worn out.

As she gets to the bottom of her tumbler and tosses back the last of her brandy, she comes to a conclusion. Reaching out slowly so as not to startle him, she grabs Geralt’s ankle and gives it a gentle squeeze. “You know what? I’m hungry. I’m going to order us some dinner.” His face is shadowed by exhaustion and guilt as he looks up at her, and he mutely bobs his head once to show that he’s heard. 

After they decide what to eat and place the order, she retreats to the shower. She washes off her makeup, combs out her hair, and tries to rinse some of the stress off of her skin. When she feels as settled as she is going to get, she shuts off the shower, dries off, and gets on her silk pajamas. It’s been a truly exhausting day, and she hopes that dinner will help both of them recover. 

The dinner itself is a quiet affair. They eat together in strained but companionable silence, listening to the whine and hum of the air conditioner. Geralt has made his way through most of the bottle of brandy by the time they finish, and the food and drink seem to have mellowed his mood considerably. He even smiles as she brings out his favorite soft sleeping shirts, which she brought from their family apartment in England. They smell of her and their daughter Cirilla, of their home, and he dons one of them tenderly as they get ready for bed. 

Yen turns out one bedside light and Geralt turns out the other before they slip under the sheets and curl around one another in the dim evening light. She wraps her arms around his waist, cradling his hips against her own, and presses a kiss to his back. Heaving a deep sigh, he leans back into her, starting to relax. They lay curled together like that for some time, hearts beating together. 

“He gave me a safe place to stay, Yen.” Geralt volunteers suddenly into the twilight of the room, his deep voice quiet. She tilts her head back to listen, stroking her hand down his side to show him that she heard him. He subsides back into a stifled silence, overwhelmed, and she lets him. If he’s volunteering information like this, then she knows to give him time. More will come. 

A while later, he speaks again. “His house is nice.”

“Do you like it there?” She asks quietly, smiling as he nods. 

After another long silence he adds, “He bought it because his friends were dying.” She sits up on one elbow, curious, peeking over his shoulder at him. He avoids her eyes, but recounts the story that Jaskier had told about Fire Island, about his experience of the queer community’s devastation during the 80s, his voice rough and quiet. Sliding down behind his back, she begins to stroke his hair as he tells the story, letting it wash over her as she lays behind him. When he finishes, she squeezes his shoulder gently with her small hand. 

“That sounds terribly lonely,” she observes, her voice quiet. He shrugs, glad to be facing away from her so that he doesn’t have to see her eyes. It’s her turn now to grope for words, and it takes her a moment to pick her way forward. The story made Jaskier sound very kind, but it also underscores some of her concerns about his boundaries. She chews the inside of her lip, studying Geralt’s broad back in the darkness.

“Have you felt safe in his home?” She asks, finally. He stiffens, and she grimaces, hoping he won’t shut down. The silence stretches for a long painful moment before he replies.

“Always.” He says, with a firmness that surprises her. “And don’t ask if we’ve been safe. It’s been fine. He’s fine.” The way he bites out the words, she can tell that he’s embarrassed. She frowns, opens her mouth to speak, pauses, then tries again. 

“I’m always going to ask you if you’re being safe, Geralt. You know that.” She chides. He growls and turns away from her, flattening himself to the bed on his stomach. Shaking her head, she follows him, laying across his back to provide pressure and comfort. She shakes loose her hair, allowing it to spill down over his shoulders, and smiles when his hand comes up to tangle in her curls even as he grumbles. 

“You’ve been intimate with him. Have you been using condoms?” She presses. He shakes her gently, trying halfheartedly to dislodge her, but she doesn’t budge. After a moment, he nods. 

“Good.” She sighs, relieved and scared and sad, feeling like everything is a little out of her depth right now, a little too far out of her control. Sinking down against his back, she squeezes him close. 

“Has he ever pressured you?” She asks into the worn fabric of his t-shirt, reluctant to upset him more but determined to ascertain if he is genuinely safe. 

“No. He offered to stop.” Geralt grumps into his pillow, the answer so quick it surprises Yennefer again. She relaxes slightly. She can feel the gentle tugs as Geralt works his fingers in her hair, rubbing the damp curls and allowing them to spring back, the sensation as familiar and comforting to her in its own way as it is to him. 

“I’m glad to hear that, mój drogi,” she says, feeling some of the tension beginning to leave her body.  Turning her head, she kisses the back of his neck. “You’re precious to me. If I have to share my husband, I want him to be treated like a prince.” She chuckles, and Geralt huffs a quiet laugh under her, relaxing minutely. 

“Did you take the time to get to know him any?” She asks softly into his skin. “Did you talk?”

“We lived together for two weeks, Yen. Yes, we talked.” Geralt replies, mildly exasperated. 

“Oh?” She presses, circling her fingers on him.

“Oh what?” Geralt grumbles, but she nudges him, not about to be deterred. He sighs and says, “He likes some of the same books I do. He plays music but he’s shy about it. Told me some great stories about the bar. Um. He asked about my childhood and I told him about candy I liked, stuff I did on base with the other kids. Told him a little about my career. Some of the crazy places I’ve been, people I’ve met. You know. We talked, it wasn’t just…” Lifting one shoulder in an uncomfortable shrug, he trails off.

“Not just sex?” Yennefer inquires. 

“Right,” Geralt replies, running his fingers through her curls again tentatively. He can feel her smile against his shirt.

Yennefer feels her body relax a little, relieved that Geralt had at least taken some time to get to know his idiot while they were diving in headfirst. She eyes the back of his head intently, her reporter’s instincts tingling. The next question she’s going to ask might just shut him down, but she suspects for once that it won’t, so she seizes her moment. 

“Do you like him?”

A ringing silence follows her words, and she can feel Geralt’s whole body go rigid under her own. His hand stops, and he drops it out of her hair and back to the bed. Sighing, she leans into him, providing as much gentle pressure as her body weight will allow. 

It’s a very personal question, which Geralt rarely handles with any kind of grace, but she wouldn’t be who she is if she didn't ask questions like this. It’s one of the things that he values most about her, but also one of the things he hates. Especially since the answer to this particular question makes him feel so very naked. Swallowing, heart beginning to hammer nervously, he clears his throat. Then he admits, with extreme slowness, “I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone more, Yen.” 

A lopsided smile spreads across her face and she squeezes him again. “I think the way you met him is absolutely insane, mój drogi, but I also think it’s very sweet that there is someone you like that much. Do you want to keep seeing him?” She lifts her head and watches with amusement as the back of his pale neck reddens. Geralt isn’t a big blusher usually, but talking about Jaskier seems to be bringing it out in spades. Her smile widens as he nods into his pillow, the blush making its way rapidly up what she can see of his cheeks. 

“Geralt…” she says knowingly, nudging his back. 

“Okay,” he groans, years of resistance finally crumbling. There wasn’t anywhere to hide anymore, not after everything that had happened recently. “I’m gay. Are you happy now?” Even saying it aloud frightens him to his core, makes his heart hammer and his palms sweat. It feels like one of the most dangerous things that he has ever said. The feeling is awful, but also oddly freeing. 

“Oh, Geralt… yes.” Shocked, she tries to keep her voice calm. This is huge, but she doesn’t want to startle or embarrass him. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say it aloud, mój drogi. That’s a big step. I’m very happy.” She grins as he growls into the pillow, hiding his face from her. 

“You deserve happiness, Geralt. I’m glad you’re starting to be able to talk about this.”

“I hate it.”

“I know, kochany, but it’s important.”

He snorts into the pillow, idly trying to shake her off again. She just tightens her thighs around his hips, laughing quietly, relief coursing through her in rushes. If he can stop dying on that hill, she thinks there’s at least a chance that he can make it through everything else. 

Changing the subject again, she says, “You mentioned he bought that house and re-fitted it. That takes a lot of money, especially for someone as young as you say he was at the time.” He shrugs, but she can tell from the way he turns his head that he’s listening. “He said his last name is Pankratz. Any relationship to Pankratz Enterprises?”

“Why?” Geralt asks, turning his head enough to eye her suspiciously. 

“Well, because it would explain the money,” she says. “They’re an investment firm. One of my coworkers did a story on some of the business they were doing over in Japan… Mostly electronics. Nothing exciting.” She sits up and starts knuckling up and down his back, kneading at the tense muscles and trying to reassure him that she isn’t about to start on some tirade. To be fair, this is something she frequently does when investment firms are a subject of conversation, so his wariness is well justified. Eventually, as she continues not to comment on it, he relaxes. 

“He mentioned the company in relation to his family.” Geralt admits finally. 

“Well then. You really have landed on your feet,” she laughs. “Your idiot is rich, handsome, and he seems very kind.” 

“He’s not an idiot, and he’s not mine,” Geralt complains, gathering the pillow up under his head. 

“He’s a little bit of an idiot, kochany,” she replies wryly, digging her knuckles carefully into a knot. He wheezes and grumbles but allows it, enjoying the touch. “He fucked you and then offered you a job. The ethics there are a little blurry, Geralt.” She pauses and cocks her head to the side. “Are you going to take it?” 

“Yen…” Geralt groans, rubbing his face into the pillow, surging with embarrassment. “I don’t know. Maybe? I think I want to, I just…” He heaves a sigh into his pillow. “I don’t know.”

Yen blinks slowly and then reaches up to smooth her hand across his face and hair again, her cool fingers soft. “It’s good that you waited to say yes, then.” She reassures. “It sounds like you have a little sense left after all.” Leaning down, she kisses his cheek. “It sounds like fun, but it could also be a bit much for you right now, hmm?” Geralt hunches his shoulder as her hair tickles his ear, nudging her face away from him, but she can feel him shake with a brief, silent chuckle. 

“Maybe,” he admits. The night at the bar had been one of the most exhilarating of his entire life; he’d felt safer and more alive there than he had ever felt anywhere else. But it was also such a culture shock that he was still shaken by it, still processing everything he’d seen and heard and felt. He isn’t sure yet if he can handle being so out among queer people. To be immersed in a whole community where everyone knew. Even though the idea was thrilling, some deep old fear gripped him every time he thought about committing to that level of vulnerability. 

“Well. We’ll keep it in mind as we’re figuring out how to pick up all the pieces then, okay kochany?” Yennefer says, sitting back up and resuming work on the knot near his spine. She smiles to herself at the idea of him perched behind some bar serving leather men and drag queens. He was too afraid to admit it to most people, but she knew he loved watching queer people perform and express themselves. Someday, the job might even be good for him. But right now, they’d have to take everything one thing at a time. 

He nods, hiding his face back in the pillow, and sinks into silence as she continues to knead him. Some time later he mumbles, “I really like him and I don’t know what to do, Yen.” 

Yennefer pauses and sighs, hands coming to rest on his shoulders. “Have you considered going on a real date with him, kochany? You know… get to know him properly? Maybe talk about… boundaries?” She tickles the back of his neck lightly, causing him to growl and swat lightly at her hand. Laughing, she rests her hand on his back again. He shifts under her, subtly moving back and forth as he tries to sort his way through feelings he’s never really had to deal with before. She drapes comfortably on him, resting, feeling the shifts and tics as he processes. 

“No,” he admits finally. “I hadn’t.” 

Yennefer sighs, feeling sorrow twist her heart. “Did it even occur to you?” She asks gently.

“No,” Geralt mumbles, feeling the raw ache in his own heart. He was afraid to be seen in public with a love interest, much less go on a date. Until very recently, there had been too much hanging on the risk of getting caught. He could have lost his job, his reputation, even potentially complicated his right to custody of his daughter should something happen to Yennefer. 

It didn’t change how much he wanted to do it though. To be able to walk out with someone just like any other couple, without the fear of one’s whole life collapsing around their ears. Instead… The muscles in his back give a little shiver as he remembers some of the things he’s seen. Risking death to hold a lover’s hand in public had always seemed like a bad deal to him. Until now, he’d never put himself in a position where he’d have to worry about it.

Yennefer lifts her head and watches what she can see of his face, feeling the longing and fear radiating off of him. Geralt didn’t seem to think he had a right to be happy, and he’d consistently avoided situations where he might have too much joy. It was heartbreaking to watch, and she thought she might burst if she saw him do it to himself even one more time. 

She worries at her lip for a moment, then reaches out and uses her thumb to rub gentle circles into Geralt’s jaw, loosening some of the deeply held tension there. After a while, he turns his head, giving her access to the other side. Bit by bit, she can feel him relaxing. She mulls for a while longer, then says, “It’s all right to want him, you know.” 

Geralt turns his face back into the pillow, the tips of his ears burning. She withdraws her hand, but remains on his back, a gentle weight on him that his touch-hungry body anchors to and finds solace in. “I know,” he admits after a long moment. He’d been on a long journey to even get to the point of being able to say that aloud, but his family had finally gotten him there.

Homosexuality had been decriminalized in England while Yennefer had been in college, and she’d grown up in a culture that by and large had room for homosexuality. By the time that she and Geralt had actually met she’d long been accustomed to the idea that it was all right to be queer. She’d been the first person to really talk with him about it, to try and convince him that there wasn’t anything wrong with him. When Yennefer had clued Coën in, much to Geralt’s surprise he had joined in supporting him without batting an eyelash. Coën had grown up with a queer cousin, and they had remained close as adults. To him, Geralt’s sexuality had been normal, unremarkable even. 

Over the years, they had finally gotten him to concede that he at least had the theoretical right to want who he wanted. It hadn’t been easy for him, though, and this was whole new territory. Wanting Jaskier was one thing, but seeing him romantically was another entirely. That was before even taking into account that his daughter was currently living in another country. 

Yennefer can practically hear the gears in Geralt’s brain grinding. She snorts softly, biting his shoulder. “Stop,” she says dryly, chuckling as he gives a little jump. Then she grins lopsidedly at him. “Do you want to date him, kochany?” She feels him stiffen again, but this time she just watches him fondly as he works his way through it. Sure enough, a long moment later, he nods. 

Her heart does a twisting swoop, and she smoothes her hands over his shoulders. She feels deeply torn as she considers the situation in front of her in all its complicated glory. Geralt, freshly found after being discharged from the Army, frighteningly depressed and possibly in love. Her daughter and best friend overseas in England waiting for news, waiting for their family to come back together. And herself, caught in the middle of it, trying to make sense of what to do next. 

On the one hand, it felt like the sensible thing to do was go back to England. Forget about the whole affair here, get Geralt grounded where she had social resources to get him stabilized, bring him back to everything that was familiar to her. Not to mention, being gay was legal in England, at least in private. 

On the other hand, she had never seen Geralt so desperately in need of happiness, of reasons to stay alive. Everything he’d built his life around had shattered out from beneath him all in one go. The military hadn’t just been his adult life; the man who had raised him had started training him to be an Army officer as soon as he could walk. There had never been any other options for him. She couldn’t imagine the pain he was in. Who was she to take away the little spot of hope that had come from his discharge? 

And just like that, she knew the answer; no one. She was no one to take away his bright spot when he needed it most. As attached as she was to London, even she had never lived there for any length of time. Her career demanded she and Coën were on the move constantly, and her homeschooled daughter was well adapted to the routine of packing up and moving to new places. It was worth at least considering the possibility of giving Geralt the chance to try reaching for joy, for once.

“Well then…” she sighs, leaning into him softly. “I used enough miles to rent the room for a month. I thought I might just get them refunded, but…” she hesitates, worrying, then plunges on. “If you want to take a little more time to get things figured out here, I would be willing to consider staying.” Beneath her, Geralt goes very quiet and still, wary but interested in what she has to say next. 

“It sounds like you made a special connection with that lover of yours, kochany. That doesn’t happen every day. If you wanted to explore seeing him, I would support you.” She runs her fingers delicately down the back of his neck, knowing how best to soothe him. Feeling the wariness singing in his muscles, she caresses him softly.

Geralt stares at the headboard as his mind churns, feeling just as torn as Yennefer does. As bad as things had gotten before he left home, he knew he should return to Ciri and Coën. Even the idea of lingering here to pursue a potential love interest feels dangerously selfish. Especially given how much shame it might bring on his innocent daughter, who hadn’t asked to be dragged into his mess of a life. Unlike Coën and Yennefer, she couldn’t walk away. What gave him the right to pursue joy at her expense?

“What about Ciri?” he asks, eventually. “I can’t just make decisions like that for her.”

“Decisions like what? Taking a little time for yourself after a devastating life change? Hush. You’ve never needed to care for yourself more than you do now. Let me worry about Ciri for a moment.” Yennefer chides. “When it comes to making important decisions like moving her, we make those choices together. As a family. But this?” Smiling sadly, she smoothes her hand across the back of his head. “This isn’t that. You’re a grown man, you get to have a lover. That’s a choice you are making for you, not her.” She leans down and places a kiss on the back of his head. “And you know what? I support you. I’ve got your back. You really do have time, Geralt. I had already planned to be gone at least until the end of July, just in case I needed the time to track you.” She snorts fondly and tweaks his ear. “Which I’m still angry you made me do, by the way.” 

The awful, tense mood he is in cracks slightly and he lets out a painful little chuckle. He feels weirdly light. “Sorry, neshama shelì,” he rumbles. 

“Good,” she sighs, exasperated. “You should be.” She sits up, giving him some room to breathe and think. “This is one of those situations where you really do get to choose, kochany. Think about it. I’m right here.”

Beneath her, Geralt nods. Slowly, he begins to mull his options. His life feels like it’s been exploded, and the world lay wide open in front of him. Granted, most of it would be full of closed doors; a gay veteran, nearly a retiree, with what amounted to a felony conviction on his record… that kind of man wasn’t going to get far. But it was still far more choice than he’d ever had in his life. There was no one left to impress except his family. No more sword hanging over his head; it had already fallen. 

And Jaskier… as stupid and complicated as it was likely to be if he tried to date him, he couldn’t shake the aching desire to be back in his arms again. He’d never had the pleasure of sweet, slow mornings in a lover’s embrace before. Quiet hours talking, unafraid of interruption or judgment. The peace of knowing a lover was coming home to him, to wrap him in safety and peace. 

“I know it probably won’t work out…” Geralt hedges, “But what if it does? What then? You all have lives in England.”

“Well… if it does go well, then we’ll figure out what then,” Yennefer replies firmly. The whole mess is giving her a bad case of the nerves, but she meant it when she said she would back him up. “Even if it does, we can figure something out. There are two major metropolitan areas nearby that have branches I can work out of. Besides, you know how many times we’ve moved. This wouldn’t be too different.” 

She pauses, chewing the inside of her lip as she watches his gears begin to grind again. “Normally,” she adds, her voice softer, “I would be the first to insist you go home and see your daughter right away.” He nods, evidently relieved she’s brought it up. “But,” she continues. “Nothing about this is normal, Geralt. Not a single, bloody thing. The playbook’s been torn up. There’s no right answers here. And if there’s anything good that can come out of you being discharged like this? Then I think you should take it in both hands, kochany. This isn’t some situation where you would be abandoning us.”

Oddly, a rush of relief accompanies those last words. On some level, that had been precisely what he was worrying about but hadn’t been able to put voice to. Every time he’d left his daughter, he’d felt like he was abandoning her, over and over again. He couldn’t do that to her in yet another way, especially not over something as frivolous and shameful as a lover. He’d been selfish long enough. But Yennefer didn’t ever encourage him if there wasn’t hope. It wasn’t in her nature. “Are you sure?” he asks, his voice husky and quiet. 

Seeing that he needs the reassurance, Yennefer bites down on a surge of impatience and nods. Normally she doesn’t have this much bandwidth for when Geralt dithers, but tonight is special, and she’s sure as hell going to make some allowances for him. He has a right to be frightened and unsure about this. 

“I’m sure,” She says firmly. “You’re stuck with us, Geralt. Wherever you go now, we’ll follow you. You won’t be able to get rid of us anymore,” she very gently teases, sliding down to hug him tightly again as she sees the ghost of a smile twitch his lips. 

“Promise?” he murmurs, turning his head to look over his shoulder at her. His heart warms as he sees her violet eyes twinkling over his shoulder. 

“Promise,” she assures him. If she had it her way, he wasn’t ever getting out of their line of sight again. 

He shifts under her, feeling a rush of hope wash over his confused, stressed out body. Flicking his fingers nervously, he says, “Okay.” Then, “Is it really ok to try?”

Yennefer huffs quietly. “If I have to tell you one more time, I’m going to write it on your forehead,” she grumbles affectionately. “You really want to do this?” Beneath her, there is another long, stiff hesitation. Then, a nod. 

“Good. Then tomorrow, I’m going to have one more talk with him. A proper one, this time. Just like we agreed.”

“Yen… you’re meddling,” Geralt grumps, making a very idle attempt to toss her off. She just tightens her thighs and stays put. 

“I am,” she agrees with a little smile. “You promised I could interview any new boyfriends before we even got married. I know it was a long time ago, kochany, but I haven’t forgotten.” 

“Worst thing I’ve ever agreed to,” Geralt grunts irritably, but there’s no heat in his tone. Yennefer smirks. 

“Mój drogi, I’m here to back you up, but I still get to be myself,” she reminds him dryly. “You met a man at long last, now I get to have my fun.” 

“Didn’t you harass him enough at the hospital?”

“Mmm, no. I don’t think I will ever have harassed him enough,” she teases, eliciting another groan from the general region of the pillow. “Seriously though, Geralt, I have a few more questions to ask him. And I have some concerns about his boundaries that I want to be clearer about before I get out of your way… It’s not normal to bring a man into your house and bed so quickly, love. What if there’s something really wrong?”

“He’s fine.” Geralt snaps, becoming irritated. “Will you lay off?”

“Would you?”

He hesitates, then subsides with a bubbling grumble, conceding the point. If the circumstances had been flipped and he’d had to hunt Yennefer down, he knows he would have been even worse to the person he found her with. 

“Fine.” He groans, pressing his face into his forearms. “So tomorrow you’re going to go harass him some more?”

“Well…” She sighs, relenting. “Only a little. Mostly I want to have a real adult talk with him… if he really wants to date you, then I need to know who he is first. Besides, he and I need to have an understanding. He needs to know I’m not going to just go away if he starts dating you.”

Geralt frowns. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t have to. When she had agreed to marry him, they had ended up having long talks about what would happen if one of them fell in love someday. If she was going to marry him, to share rearing a child with him, then they had both agreed she had the right to get to know who he was bringing into their lives and vice versa. “Okay, Yen. Fuck. Fine, you can harass him a little more. But then it stops. I need some fucking peace and I don’t want you two to be having pissing matches around me all the time.” He growls irritably. 

Yennefer laughs, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “You’re taking all my fun away,” she pouts, then dodges as he swats ineffectually at her, laughing. “Fine. Fine, I’ll tone it down after tomorrow.” She nudges him. “Unless he tells me something really concerning, I’ll support you, ok?”

Geralt hesitates, then nods. He reaches up, groping until he finds her hand, then he squeezes it gently. She squeezes back, falling silent. They sit there in the dark, breathing quietly, the muscles in Geralt’s back occasionally jumping as he relaxes by inches. A long while later, his low voice breaks the quiet. 

“I want him, Yen. It’s… stupid… I know it is. But…”

“Don’t be ashamed for wanting a beautiful man, Geralt. You’re allowed,” she reassures him, squeezing him tightly. “Don’t let ghosts take away your joy. I certainly won’t.” 

He swallows hard and nods. When she was pregnant with Cirilla, Geralt had been a wreck. Vesemir, his adopted father, had been dead for some years at that point. Despite that, Geralt had been plagued by fears of what Vesemir would think of the way Geralt’s daughter had come into the world, much less what he’d think of the way Geralt had acquired his wife. Coën had seen his terrible fear, tried to help him work through it, and eventually had gotten sick of it. ‘You can’t let ghosts take away your joy, man.’ He had told Geralt, exasperated. For some reason, the words had stuck with him. Had stuck with all of them. It was certainly a bad habit that Geralt had. Over time, it had become a familiar turn of phrase in their little family when he was struggling. 

“Well then,” she says, after a moment. “Sounds like that’s decided. Give me his address and I’ll go see him again tomorrow. If he’s going to be dating you, he gets to run the gauntlet first,” she chuckles. “He’s lucky Coën isn’t here yet or he’d be in double trouble.”

“Oh god, Yen, please tell him to lay off of Jaskier, this is bad enough as it is…”

“Never gonna happen, kochany,” she laughs. “If you really get settled here, we’re all going to follow you. Jaskier’s never going to get a moment’s peace.” 

“At least I won’t be alone with you crazy fuckers anymore,” Geralt grumbles, gently trying to dislodge Yennefer one last time, without any serious effort. 

“That’s right, love. You know what else I’m going to do tomorrow?” She hums pleasantly, leaning into him again. 

“What.” He inquires flatly, worn out and ready to be done with talking.

“I’m going to save you a trip to the store for new clothes, kochany. I know how badly you hate shopping. I will get you some nice civilian outfits…” She kisses the back of his neck. “And some clothes for dates.”

He hesitates for a long moment, finding that his throat has suddenly closed on him. The way Yennefer is doting on him right now isn’t unheard of, but he usually avoids putting himself in positions where she has the opportunity to do so. He doesn’t feel like he deserves any of this. Not even a little bit. But the love is reaching him nevertheless, and as painful as it is, he finds to his embarrassment that he is also grateful for it. 

“Sound good?” she prompts gently. It has been a long day, and he’s spoken to her more, on more emotional things, than he has in years. When he nods, she kisses the back of his head again. “Ok, mój drogi. Let’s get some rest.”

Slipping off of his back, she gathers her hair back into a braid for the night. Then she curls along his side. He rolls, turning and gathering her underneath his chin, nuzzling softly against the top of her head. She hums contentedly, tangling her fingers in his soft shirt. It has been a long time since she’s had him in her bed, and the peace of it makes her feel heavy and safe. They drift off to sleep together curled in a tight knot, taking solace from being together again at last.

[daddystevee]

Crashing Down

(eventual steve harrington x hopper!reader)

Hah I’ve changed it to just being a Steve x reader fic 😅 Cuz Billy’s not really part of the picture anymore. Anyways hi I’m alive I just haven’t had the motivation to write. Idky. But uh this took me three days to write because I didn’t know how I wanted to write it. I also thought I was gonna be able to get more than one episode in here. I’ve also learned what a ‘slow burn’ fic is and this is indeed a slow burn fic. Anywho enjoy this chapter and I hope you guys enjoy ittt. And as always lmk if you wanna be tagged ;p also I’m sorry that there’s no keep reading mark im uploading from my phone at work and don’t know how to put it there. So I’ll just do it when I get home. Xx

catch up here

Warnings: none really?? Cursing?

Part 7/9?

Word count: 2.3k

Summary: Sometimes things just don’t go as planned and your world just come crashing down, but it’s a good thing that you have people in your life to be there to catch you when you fall.

><

You wake up to the sound of your alarm clock going off, signaling that it was time for you to go to work. Rolling over from your stomach you slam your hand down on the noise maker, turning it off.

Not really wanting to get up and go do anything, you lie there in bed for a few extra minutes with your eyes closed. Hoping and praying that today will be a good day.

The thought of working with Steve during your shift makes it a little easier to get out of bed. Finally after procrastinating for what felt like forever you climb out of bed and make your way out of your room.

Upon walking in the kitchen you notice that your dad isn’t asleep on the couch like normal. You walk over to his bedroom door and knock a few times calling out to him. When you receive no answer, you push upon the door to reveal an empty bedroom.

You hum to yourself in annoyance and go to ask the girls if they want breakfast or if they wanna ride to the mall when you head off to work. You’re once again met with silence, so you carry on with your morning.

><

When opening, Steve usually gets there a little bit early, so he can prep everything so before you get there so you aren’t so stressed out. But when you finally get there you notice that all of the lights are still out and the gate is still down, meaning Steve wasn’t there yet.

You lift the gate and go straight to the back to turn the lights on and get ready for the day. After an hour of working alone you start to wonder if Steve was ever going to show up.

‘Maybe he’s just running late..’ you say to yourself quietly and carry on with prepping.

Once it got closer to opening time, and Steve still wasn’t there you decided that it was probably time to give him a call and check on him.

The phone rings and rings and rings a few more times before you hang up and try again. After he doesn’t pick up the second time you call you decide to try Robin.

You call and the phone rings a few times and there’s no answer.

“What the hell?” you say aloud to yourself and you slam the phone back onto the receiver and go back out to the front.

><

After working almost your whole shift on your own you slowly begin to feel overwhelmed.

“I can’t do this all by myself!” you say rather loudly and a few customers turn to look at you but aren’t too bothered by your words.

It was almost closing time anyways, so you did what you needed to do.

You walk over to the window and turn off the ‘OPEN’ sign and go back into the back and start cleaning up while the few people in the store finish eating and leave. As the last customer leaves you run over to the front and pull the gate down before anyone else can wiggle their way into Scoops.

As you walk back into the back room, you start to feel tears form into your eyes due to all of the stress. You brushed them away with the back of your hand and continued cleaning up so you could hurry up and go home.

><

As you were headed to go locked the gate for the evening you thought about what El was up to since she or Max weren't home earlier that morning. You turn around walk back into the back to use the phone to call around and see where they might have ended up.

After a few phone calls you find out that all of the kids along with Nancy and Jonathan are at the Wheeler’s house. But are headed to the Holloway’s house. Instead of going straight home you decide to make an appearance at the Wheeler’s.

><

Just as you pull up to their house they were all walking out of the house and getting into Nancy’s car.

“Hey guys wait up!” you yell as you jog over to the car and climb into the back with Will and Mike.

“So why exactly are we going to the Holloway’s?” you ask as Nancy begins to drive trying to catch up.

“To figure out if Heather and her family are flayed like Billy.” Max says turning around to face you.

“Holy shit..” you say in response.

><

There you are standing in the exact same spot that you were standing in when you broke it off with Billy. You kind of feel bad knowing that the Billy you broke up with wasn’t ‘your’ Billy, but that doesn’t make up for how he had been treating you over the past few weeks.

You wait as Nancy rings the doorbell a few times, then when no one answers El uses her powers to unlock and open the door.

Upon walking in you notice how freezing cold it in and the insane smell of chemicals fills your nose.

“My god, what kind of shits been going on around here?” you ask but mostly to yourself.

You follow as everyone walks into the kitchen, but instead of staying you move on to the dining room.

“Guys!” you say as you notice how the dining room table still has food on it from the other night.

Everyone comes walking through the door and starts examining everything, but notice you crouched down looking at the carpet.

Nancy appears next to you and touches a spot on the carpet,

“Blood” she says softly and turns to look at you before turning to Jonathan.

“Yesterday, Tom had a bandage on his forehead.” Nancy says as you both look at the wine bottle with blood on it. “He was attacked.”

You all walk over to where it looks as if someone had been dragged away and follow the tracks out to the garage where you see the clear signs of someone being kidnapped. After some talking and brainstorming, you all head back out of the house and go to the hospital to somehow get Ms. Driscoll and ‘take her home’.

><

After trying to get everyone upstairs and failing you decide to let Nancy and Jonathan go up to the room and you stay downstairs with the kids.You start to get this feeling that something about being here isn’t right. So you try to figure out a way for you to get upstairs to check on them

It took you a little while, but you finally notice that there is a bathroom down the hall where the elevators are. So you get an idea, and decide to ask where the receptionist where the bathrooms are, you're then on your way upstairs.

As you stepped out of the elevator, you noticed that the hallway was rather empty and awfully quiet. You then saw that some of the lights on patients doors were still flashing red, meaning that there were people who needed to be tended to.

As you carried on down the hallway you heard the sound of running and a loud slam that sounded like someone had slammed a door shut. You sped up and rounded the corner , you saw a man in a white shirt and black pants walking towards the stairwell.

“Hey! Excuse me sir! Is everything okay-” you said but as soon as you started yelling Heather’s father stepped out of one of the rooms and stopped you dead in your tracks as the other man carried on down the stairs.

He had black veins on his forehead, very similar to the veins that covered Billy the previous night in the sauna.

“Oh shit.”

“Oh shit is right gorgeous” Tom says as he starts walking towards you in a quick manner.

You turn on your heels and run the other way, heading back to the elevators. You push the button to close the doors as much and as fast as you can as if that will make the doors close faster. Just as Tom comes into sight the doors finally close and you're headed down to the next floor.

The doors open and you step out to see a dead patient and doctor on the ground, soon after you see Jonathan and Nancy run by followed by the man in the white shirt.

You decide to stay put until you hear the elevator doors close and it starts to move. You followed after the three and heard Nancy calling for help coming from one way and loud bangs followed by groaning coming from the other way. You know that Nancy can handle herself well but decided that Jonathan might need some extra help in that moment.

As you slowly and quietly make your way down the hallway you finally come to the room where Jonathan and Tom were. You almost walked directly into the room but quickly slipped back out of the room and peered your head around the corner to watch.

Tom was standing looking over Jonathan before he picked him up and slammed him up against the wall, making him fall down in pain.

You moved back out of sight and covered your mouth with your hand to prevent yourself from gasping too loudly. Tears formed in your eyes and spilt over before you could even register what was happening. You cried quietly into your hand as you looked around the hall to see if there was anything useful.

‘What would Steve do?’ you thought to yourself.

Eyes darting around the hallway until you see one of the IV carriers and run over to it and pick up holding it upside down so the wheels are the point of contact.

“Yeah, this’ll do.”

You backed up against the wall and tightened your grip around the pole, closing your eyes as you took a deep breath in.

Just as you poked your head into the room Jonathan had his head slammed into the ground, knocking him out. Toms back was to you, so you took this as the opportunity to shoot your shot. You held up the IV pole and swung with all your might.

“Eat shit asshat” you spat at Tom.

He turned to look at you but was flung the other way by some force.

Just as you were getting ready to swing again, Jonathan had gotten up and grabbed the scissors that were on the floor and ran at Tom, stabbing him in the chest. His whole face turned black and because of the veins, and he fell to his knees and onto his chest.

Both you and Jonathan did nothing but look back and forth between each other and the now dead Tom on the floor. Just when you thought it was over, the lights started flashing and went out for a brief second. That never meant anything good.

Jonathan put his arm in front of you out of protection when Tom started moving around and his skin started.. Melting?

“Jonathan..” you felt tears form in your eyes as all of the melted skin started to move towards the door.

He turned and looked at you before slowly following it out the door and into the hallway. At the other end of the hallway you see that Nancy was dealing with the same situation. The two giant globs of human flesh met together in the middle of the hallway joining together to make one giant glob of flesh.

It grew bigger and bigger and started growing legs and making noises when suddenly the lights went out, and from the darkness came a loud screech. Tears were now flowing from your eyes from fear.

“Nancy!” you hear Jonathan scream, “Run!”

As Nancy tries running through a door, the boy next to you is trying to distract the ugly creature from devouring his girlfriend. Yelling and making as much noise as possible, but when that doesn’t work he takes off behind it.

You decide to stay put to make sure no other crazy shit sneaks up behind him. You look around and notice a phone on the wall. While keeping an eye on the direction Jonathan went, you run to the phone and call 911 and the phone rings endlessly.

When you had finally had enough of the phone you figure that it would be better to go downstairs and ask for help. You make a dash for the stairwell and run as fast as your feet can carry you. About a flight or two down you run into the kids who were coming up the stairs.

“Oh thank Jesus” you say as you turn back around and head up to where you just came from.

Running in front of the kids you made quick turns down multiple hallways to show the kids where Jonathan was busy trying to break down the window on a door. El walked up to the door and used her powers to send the door flying into the room.

“Jesus”

“What the fu-” you hear both Mike and Max say simultaneously.

El and the monster have a little battle which ends up with the Monster being sent flying out the window and onto the ground outside.

You and the kids run back and down the stairs to go outside to see what was going to happen to the monster, while Jonathan went in the room to check on Nancy. Once you all got outside the glob was making its way to the sewer drain, before disappearing. You turned to look at the others,

“What in the actual fuck?”

What you did know was that this could only the beginning.

Taglist:

@ughhhitsfan @eleventhdoctorsangel @chloe-skywalker

[yeojimon]

An Imposter Among The Möbius: Chapter 4 - A Loonaverse Among Us AU

Chapter 5 is probably going to be the last, we're in the endgame now.

This one probably took the longest to write but for some reason feels really short 😭😭😭

Word count: 1,176

Warnings: Major character death, blood

Pairings: Viseul, Chuuves (Theres a LOT of Chuuves in Ch5 but its.... very painful Chuuves)

🐰🐱✖️🐸✖️✖️✖️✖️🍎🍓✖️🐺

The entire crew sat around the table, ghosts included.

"Where was it?" Yeojin asked. Before, she had cried when her friends had died. Now she was just used to it.

"I found her in admin," said Sooyoung, both the reporter and murderer.

Heejin was the next to ask a question. "Was anyone near?"

"Someone. I wasn't sure who."

The crew was silent, deep in their thoughts. A sudden realization clicked in Hyunjin's mind. "You were the one to report it, so I doubt it's you. I was with Pink all day. We were looking at cams, and I'm pretty sure Orange was in nav and weapons for a while, I also highly doubt she would kill Purple. It could be Black but...... I'm getting a weird feeling that it's Peach." She pointed over to Jiwoo, who looked shocked.

Sooyoung looked over to Hyejoo. Hyunjin had an alibi for everyone, except for Hyejoo and Jiwoo. She couldn't expose her though, they had already lost Jinsoul.

But that would mean she would have to say it was Jiwoo.

"Burgundy, what do you think? Did you see Peach near admin?"

She didn't - but she knew she had to say yes. Hyejoo was watching her like a hawk. Jinsoul (may she rest in peace) probably was too. She had to lie, she had to say it was Jiwoo.

Sooyoung looked over to the peach crewmate. She looked like a lost puppy in the cold. "Burgundy..... Y-You.... You know it isn't me, right? I- I was in the cafeteria, I, I know I wasn't doing tasks but I just, I-I....." She wasn't going to do this. She wasn't going to expose another imposter. "Sooyoung..... please...."

She took a deep breath. "It's Black."

"What?!?" Hyejoo yelled.

"It's Black. I saw her vent the other day but I didn't say anything because I knew she would kill me."

"Sooyoung, you snitch!-"

Yeojin slammed her hand on the table. "Hell yeah, Black was sus, it's about time she gets ejected!"

"So we agree? It's Black?"

Sooyoung took one last look at the other imposter. "Do it."

Hyejoo was An Imposter. 1 Imposter remains.

•••

Jinsoul joining the ghosts was unexpected, but it wasn't too long before she was accepted.

Hyejoo on the other hand, was a different story.

"...... Are you guys going to say something or just stare at me?"

Silence.

"I'm sorry."

All the other ghosts started simultaneously yelling at her.

"I SWEAR TO GOD HYEJOO-"

"Did you really have to kill me? I was literally JUST about to leave O2-"

"You seriously just. Made me agree to be in an alliance? And then once I died, you just replaced me? That's not cool-"

Hyejoo crossed her arms, patiently waiting for them to be done. In the midst of all the scolding, Jinsoul walked in and waved. "Oh hey Hyejoo!"

"Hey."

"YOU PRACTICALLY KILLED IN FRONT OF YEOJIN! A CHILD!??"

This was going to be a really long mission.

•••

There was one imposter left. Yeojin and Hyunjin stood in security together, discussing who it could be.

"Personally, I think it could still be Peach." Hyunjin looked confused. "Think about it! Burgundy said it was Black, but never said it couldn't be Peach!"

"That's true..." The yellow crewmate looked down thoughtfully. "But do you really think Peach would kill someone?"

"She seems a bit too sane to be a crewmate - a little bit too insane at the same time too. Hold on that doesn't make sense- anyways, what I'm trying to say is, maybe Peach is a psychopath." The youngest member shrugged, spinning around in her chair.

"I'm not a psychopath!" Peach stood in the doorway.

Hyunjin jumped and Yeojin fell out of her chair.

The lights shut off and sirens started blaring. Someone had sabotaged the lights. The light from the computer helped illuminate the room enough that Hyunjin could find a flashlight. "I'm going down to electrical to check on the lights. If I'm not back in 30 minutes, something is probably wrong."

"Good luck!" Jiwoo waved as the yellow crewmate left.

•••

"I'm worried, Vivi."

"About Yeojin?"

"Yeojin and everyone else. The lights are out, it's the perfect time for Sooyoung to kill someone, and I'm sure she knows that." Haseul ran her hand through her hair, visibly distressed. "And what if.... What if she gets everyone? What'll happen? What's her plan after that, what's she going to do with the ship? And-"

Vivi placed her hand on the green crewmate's shoulder. "Haseul."

Haseul sighed. "God, Vivi, I'm sorry...."

"You don't need to be. Just take a deep breath, okay?"

The leader of the crew did as she was asked, taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. "I just... Hate being like this. Having to watch all of this happen, not being able to say anything. I wish I could just... I dont know. I'm already dead, but I wish I didn't have to be aware like this, I wish I didn't have to be a ghost."

"As scary as it is, I'm kinda glad we're... it still sounds silly to say, sorry, but I'm glad we're ghosts. We never talked that much before we died, so I'm glad we got this opportunity, regardless of everything else. You're pretty cool."

"You're.... pretty cool too."

For the first time in a while, Haseul actually felt at peace.

The mood changed instantly as Sooyoung walked in, going into the vent in the corner of the room.

•••

"It's been a while, Orange, I think I should go see what's going on."

"It's been 15 minutes, Peach! Relax. You probably just wanna kill her or something."

Jiwoo dramatically gasped. "I would never!"

"Okay, imposter."

Jiwoo gasped again. "I'm not the imposter!" she whined. "Hand me that flashlight. Please."

"Okay, okay. Here."

The peach crewmate made her way out of the security room and into the hallway. She took a deep breath. "Okay, Jiwoo, you can do this. It's just like that haunted house you went to last year with Joowon! If someone jumps out at you, just laugh at them. No big deal. Not at all." She nervously made her way through the halls.

She had just reached the lower engine when her flashlight began flickering. It went out, leaving the room pitch black. "No no no no no no noooo!" she said to herself. "Electrical isnt far away, you can do this! Come on Jiwoo...."

After hitting the walls a bunch to figure out where she was, she found her way into electrical. It didn't seem like anyone was in there, maybe Hyunjin had gotten lost too.

She had done wires enough to figure out that they were all slightly different in sizes. She couldn't see them, but by finding which sizes matched, she was quickly able to fix the lights.

"Alright! Now to find Hyunjin and tell her that-"

"J-Jiwoo?"

Sooyoung stood in front of her. In one hand she held a knife, still dripping with blood. She stood over Hyunjin's dead body.

•••

🐰✖️✖️🐸✖️✖️✖️🍎🍓✖️✖️

I hate when writing takes so long and then it only takes you like two minutes to read through the final product 😭😭😭

Anyways, yeah!!! I hope you liked this. I wanna say smth else but Im really tired, sorry.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 29

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.3k. (yep longer chapter but it was needed) -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: remember the first part is exactly like the last chapter but from HER pov. longer chapter. yes i used that song, sue me. was it too quick? not emotional enough? too meh?  next chapter will be from his pov and ill try to write the process and what happened in his head to get this conclusion. that way you can understand him and where his decision comes from. shit i really hope this reached expectations, damn.

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 29 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I hadn't seen Niall in over two days and it was saddening me. I missed him more than I wanted to admit, even to myself, but at the same time, I knew he was spending most of his time with his girlfriend and I didn't want to bother their alone time. Plus, I didn't want to witness anything anymore. That time spent in Niall's living room watching them cuddle and kiss was haunting me. Yes, I was jealous, because Maya really had everything I ever wanted, including Niall, and it was hurting me more than I could ever admit.

Harry had texted me a few times and we had a few intense discussions about our relationship but also about the friendship we could have. I couldn't lie and pretend the feelings I had for him when we dated had disappeared or that I was completely healed but I was ready to try and that was all it took for us to schedule a movie night.

When I opened the door, I looked up in his eyes as my heart twisted in my chest. I had seen him not that long ago, it had only been a few weeks... was he always that tall? His lips had curled into a fond but amused smile and mine sort of did the same. Harry was the same man i knew, the same man I dated, and I was not sure I could only be his friend but it was worth a try.

I felt bad but I didn't know what else to do so I ended up bringing a blanket on the couch and sat close to him as we watched a movie and ate popcorn and candies. We always did that when we were together and it should feel awkward to do it now that we were over but I liked it. I missed affection and an other human's touch and Harry was a soft and affectionate person. I loved it.

"So, how are things between you and Niall?" he wondered, still staring at the screen as a romantic scene started.

I glanced at him and shrugged, leaning against the back of the couch and bringing my legs up.

"Okay, I guess." I replied before putting a few candies in my mouth. "He's splitting his time between Maya and I and I miss him but I guess there's not much I can do about it."

Harry quickly grabbed the remote and turned the volume down before turning his body my way, facing me. I frowned, giving him my full attention, and for some reason I knew he was going to give me a speech I had heard before.

"It's time, don't you think?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and bringing his hand to my knee. "It's been so long, Liv. You can't hide your feelings forever."

I felt myself get sad suddenly and although I was tired to hear people tell me I had to tell Niall how I felt, I knew they were right and that i had waited way too long. I looked down at his hand on my knee, trying to avoid his eyes. I focused on the way his thumb rubbed gently against the fabric of my pants and raised one shoulder up.

"I don't want to lose him." I admitted in a low tone. "If he finds out he's gonna leave."

I felt Harry's finger under my chin and he moved my face up. We stared at each other for a while and I could feel tears coming to my eyes. I knew I was way too emotional but I couldn't help it. I was scared. Scared like I had never been before, and the thought of losing my best friend again was driving me insane, especially if it was my fault. It also felt like it would hurt even more if he left because of my feelings for him.

"I know Liv, I know you're scared."

I swallowed hard, a bit surprised that he had noticed and feeling like he actually read my mind. The tone of his voice was soft and knowing that Harry cared about me even after what had happened between us made my heart twist.

"But if you-"

The bell rang and I jumped slightly before closing my eyes. I didn't want to answer. I had the annoying feeling it was Niall and I was not ready, especially not after that short discussion with Harry. I was not ready to hear him mention Maya, even if he barely ever did. I was not ready to face him and feel all those feelings I have for him flood my whole body and mind the way it always did recently, whenever he was around.

I felt Harry's hand squeeze my knee and opened my eyes, meeting his gaze. With a fond smile, he made a quick head movement in the door's direction and I sighed, pushing the blanket away and getting up to press the button that unlocks the front door. As I waited in front of my door, I felt my heart jump at the thought of Niall and Harry interacting again. I hadn't mentioned anything to Niall yet, but it was not like something was happening between Harry and I.

The knock at the door made my heart jump again but this time, I had to swallow it. I opened the door slightly, meeting Niall's smiling face, and I could swear my whole body relaxed suddenly. No one else had that effect on me.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t call.” he apologized, licking his lips and making my eyes drop to them. “Can I come in?”

“Uhm, yea, of course.”

Now that he was there, I didn't want him to leave, but I could feel my whole body shaking for a reason I ignored. He looked happy, excited even, and I always found it endearing to see him that way. This time, though, it felt weird and I didn't know why. It felt like something was going to happen and sensing it made everything almost intolerable. He started saying something but stopped right in the middle of his sentence. I was a bit lost in my thoughts but when he mentioned Harry's name, I remembered I was not alone. I was not sure it was a good thing but when Niall was there, It always felt like there was only the two of us.

When my best friend turned to me, I saw a bunch of emotions surge on his face and they passed so quick I couldn't remember or decipher all of them. I thought I saw surprise? Sadness? Anger?

"Wow, really?" he asked rudely, even though I knew it was rhetorical. "Him? Here?"

I frowned, shrugged and looked away before looking back in his eyes. I was lost, sad, and not really sure what exactly was wrong with the fact that Harry and I were friends, except that I knew Niall and him were not on best terms because of me.

“You didn’t even think to tell me that you two were spending time together?” he continued in an angry way. “You didn’t think to mention that you wanted to try again with him or that you had feelings for him again? What am I to you? Are we even still best friends?”

My eyes got bigger in surprise. Did the fact that I wouldn't tell him every single detail of my life meant that we were not best friends anymore? What would he do if he found out I kept this incredibly huge secret from him all these years?

“Niall, it’s not what you-”

“No, wait.” he cut me, leaving me motionless, my lips parting. “I come here to tell you I dumped Maya and I find you cuddling Harry?”  

He shook his head, scoffed and turned around, clearly annoyed as he pulled on his hair. But all I could think about was that he had broken up with Maya. He was not with her anymore and it didn't matter why. I felt my whole body vibrate and I teared up. It was so wrong to be happy because of someone else's misfortune, I knew it, but I couldn't help it. I was ecstatic.

“It’s really not what you think, Niall.”

I held my breath when I heard Harry's voice. I had almost forgotten that he was there, silently witnessing Niall's break down and my embarrassment, but the fact that he added something seemed to piss Niall off even more.

“He’s right.” I let out with a small shrug. “And we weren’t cuddling.”

He turned to me quickly and faced me, making me hold my breath.

“Don’t lie to me, I have two functioning eyes!”

“Oh my god Niall calm down!”

The words escaped my mouth and I felt bad for a few seconds as he took a step back. I could have slapped him and he would probably have had the same reaction. I barely noticed Harry getting up and telling me he was leaving but i nodded and instinctively smiled. It seemed to take forever until he was gone. I could still hear him walk down the stairs on the other side of the door but all I could focus was Niall. We were staring at each other intensely and all I repeated in my head was 'I love him' over and over again, the words hitting my brain in a throbbing sensation, kind of like a hammer.

I breathed in, pushing locks of my hair behind my ears and brought my arms around my body as if I was trying to protect myself but I was not sure from what. From him? From being hurt? From.. myself? I breathed in and out a few times, trying to remain calm because I knew this conversation could turn wrong and I didn't want to.

“Harry and I are just friends, Niall, that’s all.” I explained again, waiting a few seconds before I continued. “I’m not getting back with him, Niall.”

“You know what? I don’t believe you!”

I thought my words and tone would calm him down but the truth was, he seemed even more pissed than before Harry left. I didn't know why, I didn't seem to understand, and I had no idea how to reassure him more.

“Why?” I wondered, taking a step closer to him. “I won’t go back with him!”

“And why wouldn’t you go back with him mm?” his voice raised and he threw his arms up. “He’s perfect, he clearly still has feelings for you and you two didn’t really have any reason to break up.”

Of course I hadn't told Niall that the reason Harry broke up with me was because he knew I had feelings for Niall. I had kept this an other secret and whenever he would ask, I told him I didn't want to talk about it, resulting in him thinking there was actually no  valid reason. I knew I should tell him but I also knew I didn't have the courage to.

“Because… that’s not how it works, Nee.” I replied, shaking my head and avoiding his eyes as I tried not to get too mad.

It was not easy. I couldn't believe he was not seeing it. I couldn't believe he didn't want to see it. It made me mad in a way I couldn't explain. The kind of anger that makes you want to cry until you're completely dry. I was tired that he'd doubt me when I loved him so much. I was tired to have to share him when I was all his. I was so fucking tired to love him without getting anything back in return.

“WHY?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU OKAY!?”

Silence fell between us but I suddenly felt myself become lighter. My heartbeats came back to a normal pace as if my heart had been beating harder than it should have had in the past weeks. I could feel hope and warmth invade my whole body and although I hated myself for it, I also felt better, way better than I had felt in months... years, even. I hadn't realized how heavy this secret was before letting it out.

“What?”

His voice was low and I could hear fear.

“I love you Niall. I’m in love with you.” I let out, swallowing hard but realizing the lump I used to have in my throat wasn't there anymore. “I’ve always been. Since the day I found out what love was, I knew the love of my life was you. I didn’t stop loving you, not even half a second. It’s always been you, and no one else.”

“That makes… no sense.” he expressed in a murmur, taking a step back and making me bite my bottom lip gently.

“Except it makes all the sense in the world, Niall, don’t you think?” My voice was just as low, if not lower, but I knew he could hear me perfectly. He was focused on me the same way I was concentrating on him. “Don’t you think we make sense?”

“As best friends, yea.” he said a little louder, now completely calm. “As.. maybe a bit more than that, sure. We make sense as ambiguous best friends that people question, okay, I get that.”

I don't think he realized what he was saying but to me, it meant exactly that. We were best friends that were more than best friends. We were best friends that were meant to be with each other. Not many people keep childhood friends in their life while being just as close to them as they always were. Did he not see that our relationship was unique? Or was I imagining all this? No, he just didn't see it. He didn't want to see it. And it hit me that I was right. I was going to lose him because he didn't love me. He didn't love me even if everyone tried to convince me that he did.

“But Olivia, you and I? As a couple?” he shook his head and shrugged as if it meant nothing. “No, it doesn’t make sense. It wouldn’t work.”

I had a million thoughts running in my mind normally but since Niall got here, I could only think about my love for him. That's all that seemed to matter. It was obsessing me. I looked up at him after a few seconds and licked my lips.

“Do you love me, Niall?”

I watched him as he literally closed right in front of me, putting his hands in his pockets and withdrawing into himself. He was trying to find a way to answer me without hurting me, I knew it. I knew Niall so well it was scary yet beautiful. This story, I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

“You always ask me that question. My answer is still the same.”

I took an other step closer and tilted my head more. He knew what I meant, and I wanted him to answer me. I needed to hear it, no matter what the answer would be. It was too late anyway, I couldn't go back, and if I wanted to be honest, I didn't want to go back.

“I mean real love.”

I was very close to him, now, and I tilted my head up to look in his eyes. My head was throbbing with fear yet I felt calm and serene as I waited. He looked down in my eyes and I told myself that no one else looked that good from that angle. Niall always looked good. He also smelled good, so good that it made me slightly dizzy. His eyes roamed on my face and I held my breath, enjoying the way he was looking at me. I knew I didn't look like the kind of girl he dated, liked or fucked, but love was more than that, right? Love was not physical, it was emotional, mental.. it came from the soul, the heart, from deep inside. He brought his hand up and his fingertips brushed on my cheek. It felt so amazing I had to stop myself from tearing up. His thumb rubbed gently on my cheekbone and my eyes fluttered a bit. I wanted to cry and I was not even sure why.

“I can’t.” his hand slipped from my face as he took a step back and my heart stopped. “I’m sorry.”

He turned around, his back facing me, and it seemed like I was too far from him now. I almost forgot how to breathe.

“Niall…”

He didn't move. He just shook his head.

“I’m sorry.”

I watched him grab the knob and open the door before leaving and i couldn't tell how long I stayed motionless, just staring at the spot he was in, after he left. And just like that, the lump was back in my throat and the heavy feeling was smothering me again.

                                                          ----

It took me a few days to realize that Niall wouldn't call or try to get in contact with me. I had avoided phone calls even thought Julie, Liam, Harry and even Louis had tried to talk to me. I was just not ready to face anyone and I didn't want them to tell me that Niall would eventually come back or worse, that they felt sorry for me. It's only after about two weeks of loneliness that I heard a knock at my door. I thought it was one of my neighbors since no one had rang before and I opened the door without thinking. Had it been too long since I saw an other human (excluding the chinese delivery guy)? Perhaps, but when I saw who was on the other side, I regretted answering.

Louis sent me a grin and leaned against the door frame as I stared at him. We were not really close and it was a bit surprising to see him but I didn't ask anything. I just raised my eyebrows and tilted my head, trying to push away the hope inside me that it had something to do with Niall.

"Can I help you?"

He grabbed the cigarette behind his ear and handed it to me but I just shook my head before he put it between his lips.

"Can I come in?" he asked after lighting it up and taking a puff. "We need to talk."

"We can talk here." I just answered a bit roughly, making him chuckle.

"Why so wild?" he wondered, amused.

I sighed and tried to calm myself, shrugging a shoulder.

"I don't know, I guess i'm trying to get rid of everything that makes me think of Niall or that links me to him, which includes you."

"I'm not Niall, you should remember that." he pointed out. "And you and I are friends, independently of him, so be prepared to find a fucking great friend in me, Liv."

I wanted to be pissed but the truth was, I could see myself in Louis and he was entertaining. Plus, I couldn't push away everyone, and apparently some of them were stubborn and persistent. No matter why Louis was here for, I knew that in the end, i'd do what he'd ask me to. I was ready to resist but it was inevitable.

"What do you want, 'Tommo'?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and making him laugh at the nickname his friends give him.

"Good, you're a fast learner." he smirked, pulling again on his cigarette. "See, we're going out for my birthday tonight, and you're formally invited."

I frowned, knowing deep down that it was a fucking bad idea but considering it anyway. I was tired to be alone and even worse, to drink alone. Perhaps doing it with a few friends would help me get some things off my mind.

I turned to look at the window, watching snowflakes fall gently and slowly in front of it and I let out a sigh.

"I don't know, Louis, I have nothing to wear anyway."

"Liv, it's a bar, not a ball." he expressed, raising his eyebrows. "A pair of jeans and your converse and you're ready to go. Unless you want to do something with your hair."

I rolled my eyes and grimaced.

"Oh shut up!" I groaned, making him laugh again, before I shrugged, losing my smile. "Is he gonna be there?"

Louis sighed and shook his head.

"You have to come, Liv, it's my birthday."

"Well technically..."

"Olivia, it's my fucking birthday!" he expressed, cutting me short. "I don't know if Niall's gonna be there, I lean towards no, but I can't make any promise."

I stared at him, watching the smoke from his cigarette move between us, twisting and turning on itself. I breathed in and sighed louder than I should have as his lips curled more. He knew I was giving in and I knew it too.

"Give me ten minutes." I just said, leaving the door open and turning around to go get dressed.

"Make it fifteen, love." he joked as I heard the door close behind him. "Spend five more on your hair."

Without turning around, I moved my arm up to show him my middle finger and heard him laugh from my room.

                                                       ---

The bar was not as crowded as I thought but the closer we got to the table, the harder my heart was beating. I didn't know if I was relieved of disappointed when we finally reached it and I noticed that Niall wasn't there but I just smiled and sat next to Julie who greeted me all while holding Liam's hand on the table. Eleanor was there too, along with Lottie and a her boyfriend and a few more people I didn't know. I noticed Harry who was coming back from the bar with a beer pitcher and when he sat next to me, I sent him a big smile.

"I'm glad you're here." he admitted, bending down a bit closer. "I didn't think Louis would convince you. I was actually pretty sure you wouldn't even open your door."

"He didn't ring." I explained with a grimace. "I thought it was a neighbor."

Harry nodded, closing his eyes with a smile. "Clever."

I laughed a bit and shook my head. "Yea, I guess!"

He poured beer in my empty mug and I thanked him before taking a sip. I was not a big fan of beer but it was still free alcohol and I was always in for that.

"It was not against you, you know." I pointed out, hoping he would understand.

"I know." he said in a low tone, turning his mug in his hand. "I didn't take it personal. I know you didn't answer Julie or Louis' calls either. No worries."

I was glad no one had mentioned Niall to me yet but I couldn't pretend that it was not surprising me. They all had tried to contact me about him and now that they finally got a hold of me, no one was even hinting at him. I was just telling myself how odd it was when something caught my attention.

I recognized him immediately as he walked on the small stage in front of our table. A projector was turned on, suddenly lighting him as he sat on a stool in front of a small piano. My heart stopped completely when I saw him. It felt like I hadn't seen him in years. He looked good and he hadn't changed and somehow, that thought made me tear up. I knew it was Louis' birthday and that he wouldn't miss it and perhaps that was why I was here : to see him for maybe the very last time. I was lying to myself when I pretended it was okay that he had left and that I had made the right choice. The right choice was him and I had lost him.

"I'm sorry to cut your discussions short." he apologized in the microphone and that's when I realized he was going to sing. "I promise it'll only take a few minutes of your time."

No matter what he was going to sing, I knew it would be a song that would haunt me for the rest of my life. It would be the song I would always cry on, the last song my best friend had sang in front of me, and just thinking about it made me tear up again.

"Recently, i've questioned myself a lot about what I want and how I feel. I've never been good at expressing my feelings and I know it's hurt some people. It's hurt the most important person in my life. I've hurt her over and over again through the years without knowing or.. maybe I just didn't want to know. I was in denial but now i'm not anymore. I can't keep my eyes and heart closed."

I frowned but then my eyes opened wider. I didn't want to look around myself, I knew they were all looking at me, and I wanted to focus on Niall and just him. Was it wrong of me to think he was talking about me? Was I hallucinating? Or lying to myself again? I couldn't help but think I should get up and leave but I didn't want to and even if I had wanted, I couldn't have. I was stuck on this chair, my hands gripping my beer, my fingers turning red from the tight squeeze I had on it without even realizing it. He let his fingers slide on a few keys and I could swear my heart vibrated at the same time. He cleared his throat and when he started playing, I felt my heart sink in my chest.

"Looking back through changes Where we started from Don't know about you but I knew it wasn't wrong You know I kept a place For you in my mind And I know you did the same 'Cause you're just that kind."

I had stopped breathing but I started crying. I wasn't even ashamed of my tears and anyway, I couldn't stop them.

"So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We've known since we were young So why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I'm home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?"

His eyes met mine and I breathed in, trying not to blink. I saw guilt on his face but also something else, something I had seen before but that I could never decipher. He stared at me as he sang, his eyes leaving me briefly from time to time only to look at his own fingers move on the keys.

"Moving on You and I started looking back Now we've got to make up For all the wasted time You know I'd never let you just walk on by From the day that I met you I knew you'd be mine, yeah."

My mind was blank as I tried to understand the lyrics. My heart was saying it was love and my head was telling me to keep it real, that Niall didn't love me and that he had made it clear. But did he ever say that? Did he ever tell me that he didn't love me?

"So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We've known since we were young Why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I'm home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?"

I was paralyzed and crying in a bar surrounded by strangers but also friends, friends who knew exactly why I was there and that this would happen. A bunch of feelings rushed inside me but I remained motionless as something twisted in my stomach and did the same to my heart at the same time. It's only when he sang the bridge that I realized that my tears had flood my cheeks and that I didn't want to wipe them. It's only when he sang those words that it hit me hard, so hard I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Just started, it's just started I'm having trouble believing it's true Just started, just started Now we got nothing to prove."

He loved me, didn't he? He was telling me exactly that but my mind wouldn't process it. I had spent so many nights trying to reason myself and get it to my head that Niall would never have these feelings for me and he was there, just singing his heart out to me through a song I had never heard before and I felt my heart jump higher than ever in my chest at the thought that he may have written it for me.

He sang the chorus again and when I heard the last notes, I heard claps around me. A lot of people got up, I heard some whistles and screams, but I couldn't move. Niall got up and moved his head as a thank you before getting off the stage and without realizing it, I got up and walked up to him. I didn't care that I was in front of a bunch of people. I didn't care that everyone was looking at us. I was so close to him that I had to look up to dive my gaze in his. He looked down and shook his head slightly, his face twisting in a guilty and sad expression.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia." he whispered, and I was surprised I could hear him so clearly through all the noise around us. "I was a fucking idiot."

His large hands cupped my face, his fingers pressing on my cheeks, jaw and neck as my heartbeats accelerated. I remained silent, I just wanted to hear what he had to say. I needed it. And I couldn't help but think that I deserved it.

"I love you." he whispered, bending down, his lips almost touching mine. "I feel like I always did. I was not ready, I didn't want to ruin things, I was scared. Those are all bad reasons and I regret them."

I nodded slowly and swallowed hard. It made me realize the lump was gone again and when he wiped my tears with his thumbs, I felt my lips curl slightly.

"I love you." he repeated.

I only closed my eyes when his lips were on mine. They moved slowly and softly against mine. I brought both my hands to his wrists as his grip on my face tightened. I had to touch him if only to convince myself this was real. I needed to touch him to be sure he wouldn't just disappear and that I wouldn't wake up alone in my bed. But this was true, he was there, he was kissing me, and the way he tasted was beyond all my expectations.

His lips parted mine to deepen the kiss and I could swear I heard someone yell "Fucking finally!" behind me. I smiled through the kiss and I could feel Niall do the same. His lips brushed up against mine and a shiver ran up my spine before he grabbed my upper lip between his to kiss me again. No one had ever kissed me like that and I knew that no one else ever would.

"You still love me, yea?" he whispered, his mouth leaving small but soft kisses on the corner of my lips and his hands still holding my jaw.

I chuckled against his mouth as he kissed me again. I felt like he would never stop and I didn't want him to stop anyway. I felt overjoyed and my whole body was throbbing

"Don't be stupid." I whispered. "I always have and I always will."

[screechingtrashcalzonewombat]

"Apopalictic Astral Asending" Reavaluate disassociate my self worth...

The galaxies have birthed an uncontrollable being ....

I've feel as tho Ive seen myself split in two ..

Witch side do u wanna see if ur lucky I'll let you choose .

Cause in the end I loose..

One of hate one of love could both be from up above..

Or down below ...

I've began to show signs of delusions as half my mind goes an tells me it's only mild confusion. As my body fights my brain an heart to escape theys terrible illusions.

Yet the other half tries to start a fusion of body an mind an all the suddently my thoughts are no longer mine..

But a evil so Divine that its wound it's way threw time itself I've fealt the damage the energy dealt. I've yelped in anquish an pain been stuck for 7 long years in the rain with nothing to gain .. I can barely fathom to explain im not fully on earth I'm on another astral plane but i fear i flew out of my lane I've gone insane never wanted fame Ever fealt like bat man I mean oops Bruce Wayne. Nah fuck hes spoiled a wet rat infact I'm more like hulk duck when I'm near i wearly see I'm drowning inside my mind but no one can hear my dear I fear I've lost control again but cant compute I've been booted out of the system I've clawed hit an kicked to try to get to the top but i outta of known I've been ripped an thrown from my throne ive been shown what this beast can do but who woulda thought a demon bought my soul ..a jackal a goul.....you'll see me shift into numbness I suposse it was my own dumbness for being to open now cause of me my body an mind are broken an stole. as I weep an shutter an i try to speak but only stutter I found myself weak in defeat ....as ik this demon reaching its peak will plunder an pillage the town I've found I'm bound to this beast nowhere to run not north south or east I can run it will feast on my soul until the end of time ..

For diamonds cannot compare to the rarity of a soul nor a bowl of Ruby's an jems rolled in gold .....

A bold statement you say........

.. theres no ray of light here they stole it away buried it in your mind but how can u define being locked trapped in yourself ...

You've dealt your own fate ...

Wanting ansers u dint deserve ..

Did you like your just dessert's...no?

Dose it hurt ..... After you itll kill children's childhood freinds like bernie & eart ....whent bizzirk an bashed there brains makeing bloody rains

curking on everyone with cutlery forks an knifes* slice *cook big bird with chives after I've shanked him 900 times... 100 more woulda been devine serve him drink to dry alone cooked an ripped him to the bone but not quite alone u may not be home inside but u can still watch...I thought I taught u better than to close ur eyes dont beg or look surprised look away an I'll adopt another stray to do the same a slow sweet death cure's my hunger anyway

.the wines innocents blood bitter sweet to the taste of the tounge

no one thought it capable I seemed...looked ...so young..

They dint know it had just begun it wasn't me but the evil half committing crime with glee an fleeing repetavidly revealingly images to my mind of times & crimes so sickening I thought I'd die forever scetched seered into my mind .binded with no power as one towers over you using your power you cowar for how dose one define the disasbalment of there an every defined mind while ur inner demon dines on flesh making a mess of your vessel you cant even wrestle your way to the light to stay only break down in defeat that your so far away you've became an internal mess cant even stand on ur feet the beast has u chained in defeat u cry an apologize looking for answers as of how to stop.....an then...you hear a voice .." you outta stayed silent instead of talk back. U shouldn't of complained do u still think ur life used to be pain...... . Ur a sack of shit ur wit is less than that of an ant not to rant but I'm not done yet I have ur soul now I'm never letting go no no no I have plenty more so much to show many souls to reap an emotions to subdue after all u said yes.....

...did you forget ur the one who started this.

mess ......you dressed your mind with fantasy an fiction word to the wise never mess with other worldly friction an your itching for a way out but I doubt ull get there before the end of time .after all you had a devil an an angel on ur shoulder an you chose wrong this time. Only took 666 times but I'm patient an always waiting for 6 years hating an burning flesh waiting for a prayer a call after all Lucifer was once an angel an the most beautiful you just dint get to see from what angle he had beauty wrath an determination but u humans resulted in his isolation incarsorason. So now we will end up being humanity's enialation when were done there entire selves with evaporate for the demons have released self hate to pro create creatures in confidence we annihilate the fate of the human race at least the trace slight like us able to bust threw dementions so weve mentioned a start to find the inordinary soul an heart ......humanity was doomed from the start.. you stole our purpose our reason to be......humans sit in sin an glee.

Your humanitys Pride is overbearing never genuinely caring ..

Greed is sweeping the nation its reached ever state an it's got a hot heaping plate of corruption for mankind's consumption greed is grotesque in its steps of the darkest quest to corupt ur mind an want. .want..want until that's all you are is wanting more

Lusting over losely draped garments you've tarnished ur soul .

Envy of what you do not posses but for all you know that information an life would make you a mess but ud still test ur envious tendencies.....

Glutton glutton what have you gained it's not knowledge no for it's to plain rather glutton uve found a urge that wont go away....

Wrath an vengeance blood draw too no one stops till some dies him or you....

Sloth last but not least cant forget you cause uuuh wait what that fuck do u do....you sleep an sulk sit slither out of simple tasks an that's why ur not 1st no ur last like humanity just ask ....

So soon the day will draw near the the number 4 is what you should fear our dear old freinds were sending up for a visit so they can reddit ur fate for each a horse an a trait the first out the door with bow in hand riding a white horse with bow in hand

..

Conquest the start of the final test leading the restthere dark version of light on a white stallion he leads the way an soon will follow hades anyway.

War was next on a red steed he rode prepared to purge an quench new blood for the wars an battels would just begin brother against brother an close of kin witch to win?

Famine foe of all on a black horse with the courses hair so fair merely bone but dont let his appearance fool you hes for he is full devouring your greed taking away everything you want or need an now ur rationed to nearly starvation stretching farther than destination world wide sensation...

Pleage reaper of souls slowly apears steadly trotting riding a very sickly steed looking pale an almost gruesome green with sores an sickness best keep a distance. For he shall be the bringer of death an reap you all one by one to the four you shall fall...

Will you be spared are you true....

Are you happy with your life what did you do...?

Rapture no you still must die.....

Say good by to this earthy chapter theres so much more that manifest after.

But only your earthly husk must rust an fall your all energy of grate mass....

It's time to take the task of self evolvment an enjoy an enlightened installment

this world was just step wrench ur third eye wide open an accept the token of eternal life.

Grinded it to atoms a flash of dust all together ur a self fulfilling must memory pass u in a rush.....

. sudently ur bodysuit is gone ....

But it dint felt like it quite belonged.

You were 7 grams of light matter to be exact an sudently you've cracked the atmosphere ..steering energetic waves my metal psyche caves to the new information flying threw stars consolations.

Suddently speeding at the sound of light the stratosphere seems to disapear ..

My fear is gonewithout a trace an freedom transferred in its place

but am waved in infatuation to find out about out true destination...

Restoration of the soul the goal of a higher self being achieved as I crash into the sun 1500°

I feel a warmth like no other each being hues of light I might of missed earth if not I heard a voice but a mental push no need for speech just thinking it shall be done said by the the brightest in the sun.

Rejoice at last but ur journeys yet to pass ..

This is merely were you start ....

Our flames grew high with frantic waves not wanting to give up the new life we were just gave

Suddenly our flames grew dim as we felt a swirling deep from withn sudently the surface of the sun turned to tin an bent in a cracked an caved with itself our time an space sending us ascending in alignment the same assignment.

Because the sun has begun to change ina twisted way a black hole some could say.

As all of our astral beings were ripped an tore apart at the seams we all merged an formed one all knowing creative being an sudently everything I've know has little matter I'm past a point of human chatter i understand infinity the holy trinity I down in the milky way an experienced every life I've relived it twice I've spliced my genetics into over 2000 million beings I've seen good an bad in between experienced every tragedy to build my strength an studyd every thesis an theory thread an chain nearly drove my vessel insane even took knifes threw my veins in anger yet it failed I was just a trailer.ive seen love hate an anger

Comprehension compasing many others I have love an understanding past many beings there anger seems to brush by me cause I'm with 2000 souls an minds that have formed one to reach a state I can medidate in the milky way an force your negative away .

Our astral self has accumulated complete power an understanding by costuming to our full potential our old body's merely a rental.

Gentle at first then bursted into power showered in knowledge I know now much that I wondered before but now I want more an I've thought till I an 2000 shared beings head hurt cause my girth of knowledge will now never be enough it's tough cause now I must find .... how to ascend again but for now i must defend my vast mind defind crime ...?

Keeping 2000 vast voices locked away so I can focus an try to learn anyway leaning in to vast places is I the 1st 2nd or 3rd or other many plains I cant quiet place I'm traveling threw them all searching for everything I couldn't before .

This life isent like the countless other this life I like it has interesting teathers

I've surpass Angel's an there feathers an vison of a hawk.

I've surpass demonds and there demonic temping talk ..

I've walked on water as I was ripped apart an I felt my self rebuilt every cell of my being got hit with rods of power lightning not even myself can fight me god like abilities the universe as built in me theres ben a spiritual shift a tilt in me somthing generations of DNA sprawled out in a numerical display my old life experiences is the price I pay so that I can be god even if only for a day

I think I'll sit an think somewere in the outter spink of the universe I've cursed myself with knowledge an now I'm aware step into my astral space....

If you dare...

[getsterekt]

STEREK FIC REC POST

i’ve hit another hundred followers on my twitter account @getsteREKT so once again im posting another fic rec post!

as always these fics will be of all tropes so be sure to read the warnings and tags of all fics you wish to read to make sure each fic IS for you. x

my personal favourites will be marked with a **

-------------------------------

i'll always choose you (even when i'm drunk) by trilliastra

He looks at his hand curiously, he’s always had a ring? He can’t remember.

“Yeah.” The guy comes back into the bedroom, helps Stiles sit up and drink some water. “It’s your wedding ring.”

“I’m married?” He yells, making the guy flinch. “I’m married!” He looks between his ring and the guy with pretty eyes in front of him. Oh, no. “I’m married.” He repeats, sadly. He doesn’t want to be married!

“Are you – crying?” The guy asks, reaches out to touch Stiles’ face.

“I don’t wanna be married!” He cries out. “I wanna marry you.”

WORDS: 794

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: General

WARNINGS: none

BYOP by   dragon_temeraire ***

Stiles helps Derek revive a family tradition.

WORDS: 2003

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and up

WARNINGS: None

Second Chances by  rootbeer ****

"A lot of times the ‘markings’ were common, simple things you said to strangers all the time. 'Excuse me'; 'thank you'; 'hello'. Some got extremely romantic things like 'it’s you isn’t it? I’ve been waiting for you' or 'Wow you’re really pretty'. And they were always the first words their soulmate would ever say to them.

Of course, having 'You are the fucking worst kind of person in the world' tattooed down your side, didn’t bode well. How fucked up was Stiles Stilinski that even his fucking Soulmate hated him? High School had been a special kind of hell when all the kids learned what his tattoo said—despite his best efforts to keep it a secret."

WORDS: 2624

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: General

WARNINGS: None

Oops by Little Spoon (JaydenNara)

Derek was the one that brought Stiles dinner when he knew Stiles had forgotten, and Derek was the one that massaged Stiles’ feet when he was stressed. When they watched a movie, Stiles snuggled up against him, and Stiles trusted Derek enough to fall asleep on his shoulder. When Stiles woke up in the middle of the night screaming, Derek was the one that held until he fell back asleep, and in return, Stiles would help him count his fingers when Derek wasn’t sure if he was awake.

Derek and Stiles were just friends. Oops?

WORDS: 2852

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: None

Just a Hobby by kaistrex (weishen)

Five times Deputy Derek shelters his partner from the supernatural and the one time he discovers he’s just been making a fool of himself.

WORDS: 3014

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen And Up

WARNINGS: none

Soft Derek, Warm Stiles, No One is a Little Ball of Fur by tiedtogetherwithadagger

Stiles is wiping down the counters and humming California Gurls to himself when the bell above the door chimes and Derek walks in. The next notes of the song get stuck in his throat and he freezes. Stiles shouldn’t be surprised, really. The rest of the pack have already been by to visit him, even Jackson. Of course, Boyd was the only person Stiles ended up giving a free drink to, much to their disappointment. So what if he had favorites? How could he not when Boyd was the one to get him ComiCon tickets?

Derek swaggers up to the counter Stiles is stationed behind, because that’s the only way Derek apparently knows how to walk. He’s wearing a maroon knitted sweater today that looks unfairly cozy. Stiles slaps his own hand down from reaching out and touching the fabric because that would be weird. Although slapping yourself might be weirder. Oh well.

WORDS: 3728

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: General

WARNINGS: none

So Color Me Green With Disgust (or maybe with envy) by lapsus_calami

Derek’s as straight as a ruler and he’s totally okay with that. He’s also okay with Stiles being as straight as a bendable squiggly straw. Or at least he thought he was. Recent events have him wondering if he’s secretly some sort of homophobe, and it’s seriously starting to affect his and Stiles’ relationship in a bad way.

WORDS: 3828

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

Coaches Cupcake Coffee House by  ChildOfTheRevolution

Danny looked at him as if he were crazy, ‘It means he wants to ride the dick Stiles.’ He said slowly, as if talking to the mentally insane.

‘Ride the dick, my dick?’ Stiles asked weakly.

‘Figuratively speaking of course, Derek looks more like a topper to me. And you, my friend, are a twink of the most twinkiest standards, but I’m not one to judge.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Stiles admitted, finding himself in a weird crouch-like stance that he apparently now adopts when he’s overwhelmed about finding out Derek Hotcakes wants to bone him three ways to Sunday.

WORDS: 4821

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

something's missing by trilliastra

Sometimes Derek still asks himself why Kate kept the baby. And then he just tries to shake those thoughts away because even imagining Michael not being here, alive, hurts too much.

WORDS: 5032

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

Ghost Blanket and the Wolf by PaintedRecs **

Derek's badly in need of hugs, Stiles decides shortly before Halloween. His pack is secure and stable, but he still hovers on its edges, as though not quite sure where he belongs. Will the magic of Halloween night, and a cherished Stilinski tradition, be enough to lift that weight off his shoulders?

WORDS: 6434

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: flufff

***Derek vs. Helen (SERIES) by thedevilyousay

Important OTP question: Which one aggressively argues with the suburban soccer moms at the PTA meeting and flips Helen’s 9x12 pan of betty crocker brownies?

WORDS: 8,730

WORKS: 3

COMPLETE?: Probably

WARNINGS: none

****Painted Wooden Letters by DiscontentedWinter

All he ever wanted to be was Stiles Stilinski.

WORDS: 10,011

CHAPTERS: 5/5

RATINGS: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Rape/Non-con, Underage, mentions of child abuse.

(Not gonna lie, this fic hit me really hard. Its very brutal and you will cry most likely. PLEASE make sure to read the warnings before reading this fic, if any of the warnings are triggers to you, then please dont read this.)

My Boys by losingmyangelgrace

“Afternoon Sheriff, sir, what can I do you for?” he might as well try for innocence.

Something definitely wasn’t right though. He took a deep breath in through his nose. That scent…it didn’t smell like John Stilinski, if anything else, despite some of the layers being different, scents change as a person gets older and there were some he didn’t recognise, but the core of it? It smelt like-

“Holy shit! Derek Hale!”

Stiles.

Stiles was the Sheriff? Derek did not see that one coming.

(In which Derek returns to Beacon Hills after fourteen years away)

WORDS: 11,354

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

Striking Matches by castielblues & eeyore9990

Stiles has only ever wanted to protect his family and his pack. That’s not easy to do when you're human and sarcasm is your only defense. Now Deaton is telling Stiles he’s a spark, and if that’s a weapon in his arsenal, he’s sure as hell going to learn to use it.

All Stiles needs now, to complete his transformation into a true badass, is a training montage and a decent soundtrack...

WORDS: 14,923

CHAPTERS: 2/2

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Graphic Violence

Momentum by  TatsuKitty

“That’s how he knew where Erica and Boyd were.” He growled and stood to pace the length of the apartment. Melissa observed quietly while he processed and silently picked him apart. He was obviously possessive and protective but his facial expressions and motions were harsh, a bit wild, just a touch of the wolf showing in the man. Finding out that Derek was a werewolf had almost made a kind of poetic sense.

“I’d guess. I don’t know what happened with them. I know they died.” She reached out and placed a hand on Derek’s forearm. He went totally still like a rabbit caught in the eyes of a fox and stared at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Wh--¬what ?” he just blinked at her, still totally frozen.

WORDS: 14,934

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Mature

WARNINGS: Underage, mentions of depression

Maggie May by Spikedluv

When Laura Hale died, she left behind a daughter, Maggie. Stiles (and his dad) have been caring for Maggie since the night Laura disappeared. Unbeknownst to Stiles, however, Maggie’s a werewolf, and she’s bonded with Stiles. Which means he feels extra protective when Peter Hale appears on the scene. (He may have also developed a little crush on Maggie’s uncle, the silent and brooding Derek Hale. Who said Stiles’ life was boring?)

WORDS: 24,997

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATINGS: Mature

WARNINGS: Underage

Adding You to My Future by NekoIzumi

“So, I'm Stiles.” he smiled warmly once he had put his unannounced patient down on the exam table. “I will poke and prod you a little bit to check for internal injuries, those that I can’t see because they're inside you, and some of it might hurt but it will pass, I promise. I will tell you everything I'm about to do and why I'm doing it so just stay calm and this will go like a breeze, okay?”

Now, Stiles wasn’t stupid in any way, shape or form, he knew a were when he saw one… although he had obviously never seen a werecat before, and definitely not one as young as this one.

WORDS:  42,252

CHAPTERS: 9/9

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

The More That I Know You (the more I want to) by LadySlytherin

When death, in the form of hunters, comes for a family of Kelpies seeking refuge in the Preserve - in Hale territory - the Hale Pack is too late to save them. Before he dies, the male Kelpie presses a precious bundle into Stiles’ arms and begs the Emissary to take responsibility for it, which an initially reluctant Stiles does. When he agreed, Stiles had no idea what the sight of him with a baby would do to his esteemed Alpha, Derek. If he’d known, he might not have been so reluctant to agree.

WORDS: 43,655

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Mature

WARNINGS: canon-typical violence

Pale Horses by Dark_K

Being bitten had never been on his to-do list, but he could deal with that. Helping Derek Hale become a competent Alpha, though, that was so not in his job description.

WORDS: 56,071

CHAPTERS: 15/15

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Violence, Underage, Derek is a lil weird

Play It Again by metisket

In which Stiles goes along with one of Derek’s plans and ends up in an alternate universe as a result. He should’ve known better. He did know better, actually, and that means he has no one to blame but himself.

“Laura wants to lure the kid in with food and kindness and make a pet of him, like a feral cat. Derek wants to have him arrested for stalking. They’re at an impasse. (And the rest of the family is staying emphatically out of it in a way that suggests bets have been placed.)”

WORDS: 63,206

CHAPTERS: 3/3

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

It's a mad, mad world by ElisAttack

"They call him the Feral Wolf." The man laughs hysterically as Stiles backs away from him, fear coursing through his veins. "Feral Hale. Do you know why? Huh?" The man creeps closer, testing the restraint of his chains, white talcum falling from his skin, swirling in the air like the dust devils plaguing the wasteland. "Because he's fucking mad."

Or the one where Stiles is a prisoner looking to return home, but to do so, he may have to rely on a questionable drifter.

WORDS: 73,627

CHAPTERS: 11/11

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Violence

(Sacred) In The Ordinary by  idyll ***

The Pack, after college, graduate school and the starting of careers, comes back to Beacon Hills. Nothing's gotten less complicated after all this time.

Based on a kink meme prompt that grew legs and got serious.

Note: This is a whole lot of pack!fic with a very slow build Derek/Stiles

WORDS: 78,759

CHAPTERS: 9/9

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Didn't See That Coming by knittersrevolt

Stiles leaves Beacon Hills in the dust after he catches his husband cheating on him.

He finds his way to New York where he starts working for the Hale House Nursery, accidentally adopts a werewolf baby (through no fault of his own thank-you-very-much), and somehow starts training to be an Exorcist Emissary. So, in general, life was going good.

Then he hears that demons have found their way into his hometown. Can he face his inner demons and go back to save the day?

WORDS: 83,838

CHAPTERS: 43/43

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Violence

A Life for a Life, Makes the Whole World Bound by augopher

Stiles was lonely; there was no other way of putting it. The Nogitsune had left the pack a wary of him, not that they thought it had been his fault. No, they worried it would happen again. Once bitten, twice shy. The morning after his 18th birthday, his torso was covered in mysterious green tattoos. He hadn’t been that drunk. He'd definitely remember that. Great. Something else to make him feel like a freak. Insomnia led him to his mother’s diary and a tale of how she helped an odd man once who gave her the warning, “Be careful of your wishes three." Everything clicked into place. So...he was a djinni. He subtly changed things about himself. More muscle? Done. Better hair? Done and done. End his crippling insecurity? Done, done, done. He hid his new gift until he found himself bound to Derek. With Deaton’s help, they translated meanings in his tattoos, but they were incomplete. A passage of his 'Rules and Regulations' was missing. Everything was fine dandy until Stiles’ new powers and penchant for mischief and karmic retribution threatened to destroy him, fracture his mind, and turn him into something which couldn’t be contained. Could the pack save him in time, and at what price?

WORDS: 90,697

CHAPTERS: 26/26

RATING: Mature

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of violence

Of Course It's Fairies by  HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere

While still suffering from the after effects of the Nogitsune, Stiles and the pack stumble upon and save a trapped fairy. The boy's parents, not wanting to be in the pack’s debt, offer each member of the pack who assisted in the rescue, the opportunity to bring a loved one back from the dead.

Having been blissfully reunited with several of their once-lost friends and family members, everyone must work together to figure out how to function as a new pack, and how to defeat a new incoming threat.

WORDS: 100,267

CHAPTERS: 54/54

RATING: Not Rated

WARNINGS: None

When I'm Gone by MissYuki1990

Stiles is leaving. For good if he has any say in it. He gave everything to them and received nothing in return, so who can blame him for wanting to leave and find his place in the world. Apparently? Everyone and their uncle.

WORDS: 108,584

CHAPTERS: 10/10

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek. (series) by   DiscontentedWinter ***

Stiles finds a baby on the porch.It looks exactly like him.Well, this is awkward.

WORDS: 127,012

WORKS: 3

COMPLETE: Yes

RATED: Explicit

Home by TheTypewriterGirl ****

January seventh. Seven days since the start of 2015, and seven days since his father’s death.

The bastard, he thinks bitterly. The past year Derek Hale had made it blatantly obvious that he hated his scrawny guts, taking every given opportunity to shove him up against a wall, growl threats in his ears and roll his eyes whenever he stepped into the room, muttering some snide comment about how spastic or idiotic he was.

So why did he fucking volunteer to take him in?

WORDS: 167,178

CHAPTERS: 18/18

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Angst, Character Death

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 22

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- i doubt my skills after writing this chapter. i promise im not saying that to get compliments, i just want to make sure this chapter was ok and that it wasnt too much? youll find out more how she feels and why she did what she did in the next chapter!

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 22 : His chapter

I looked at her when she moved away from me and my eyes roamed on her happy face. I didn't know why she didn't feel comfortable with that double date but the point was not to stress her. I wanted us to spend a nice evening and have fun the way double dates always should be, not that I was really used to them. It did happen a few times but I wouldn't really call those 'dates', they were more like 'hook ups' but I hadn't had any on the last tour because I really didn't see the point. Still, I was sure it would be fun with Liv and even if we were both reluctant about each other's relationship, I knew we could both have a nice time as long as we respected everyone.

"Honey?" she chuckled. "Why that word?"

I smiled slightly and finally looked down at my lap. I couldn't tell her I got that word because of the way she smelled. I had noticed her shampoo was a mix of vanilla and honey scent and I thought the latter was easier to work with. I couldn't lie to myself, I had to admit that in the past few weeks, I had noticed things about my best friend that I hadn't noticed before, like the way she smelled. There was more than that, though, and it felt like I was discovering her again. After all these years, I thought I knew her by heart but I couldn't be more wrong. I noticed the way her nose raised up when she laughed, how her laughter actually echoes on the wall most of the time, and the way I could read all her emotions on her face. I really just had to be attentive and realized there were so many small details I didn't see before but now, I wanted to focus on all of them and memorize them.

"Just seemed like a good idea. It's not a nickname I normally use but I don't think it would bring up suspicions." I shrugged with one shoulder as I explained.

"Yea, i'm sure Maya and Harry will love that we call each other 'honey' on a double date." she chuckled, bringing her hand to my upper arm and squeezing it lightly.

I glanced at her hand and blinked a few times. I knew she had always been affectionate like that but why did it feel like I had just realized it today?

"Oh come on!" I rolled my eyes with a smile. "They gotta get used to it, right? That's just how we are."

When I brought my attention back to her, she was staring at me with a small but fond smile and just just nodded slowly. I could have sworn something had happened today, like something had shifted. I could swear she was hiding something from me.

"Alright, so it's settled."

We looked at each other for a while but it felt natural when we cuddled again to watch the movie together. I was not sure we'd be able to do that again when she'd be officially dating Harry and it bothered me. Was he right? Was I being possessive with my best friend?

"Do you think your lover should be your best friend?"

I felt her tense against my side but waited a few more seconds to turn to her. The second 'Back To The Future' movie was almost over, which meant we hadn't talked in a few hours but it didn't feel awkward at all.

"Uhm, I'm not sure, I guess it depends who it is and how it goes."

I looked down at her but she avoided my gaze as she kept looking at the screen without really seeing it. I had no idea why my question made her so nervous but I just shrugged.

"I was just curious to know if we were still going to be best friend when you start dating Harry."

This time, she sat up^and turned her head my way. Our eyes met and she tilted her head with a frown. I had never noticed how her eyes seemed to express everything she was feeling inside. Was I blind before?

"Okay, look." she started, shaking her head a bit, still looking at me. "I'm not sure I want to date Harry, and i'm not sure what's going to happen. You're my best friend and you've always been, you know that will never change. And, I know I do it too but i'm so fucking tired to talk about Harry, and Maya, and what could happen between us. I miss how things used to be. Before all this."

I was not sure if she meant before the kisses we shared with Maya and Harry, before the last tour we both went on or simply before I was famous, but somehow, I understood exactly what she meant. I missed it too, whatever it was and whatever it meant.

"You remember fourth class?" she finally asked after a few seconds of silence. "When we were in the tree house behind my house for our sleepovers? We made a stupid pact."

I laughed and passed my hand in my hair.

"It was disgusting. Pretty sure I spit in my hand or something like that." I let out with a small grimace, making her laugh. "Best friends forever or something cheesy like that, I remember you made me do it."

"Oh hush, you wanted to." she argued, pushing on my arm slightly.

"Me? Wanting to shake your spit covered hand? Yea try again."

This time a laugh boomed out of her and it made me smile for a reason I ignored. I heard it echo on the wall once again and I enjoyed it.

"Niall! You literally licked my face earlier in the kitchen!"

I groaned and grimaced at the same time.

"It's different." I let out without any good argument.

She chuckled again and my eyes found hers as we both smiled.

"That pact is still going on. We said 'until we die' so I guess you're stuck with me forever."

"Lucky me." I joked before silence fell between us again. All we could hear was the sound of the tv in the background but the movie was definitely forgotten.

"I remember one time, I asked you if you were going to marry me." she pointed out so low I barely heard her.

It made me realize that her voice became softer when she would confess something she was embarrassed about and it was endearing in a way I couldn't explain.

"What did I answer?" I genuinely wondered with a frown.

It's crazy how good her memory was. Most of the things she'd bring up about us as kids were things I couldn't remember. But she remembered everything clearly, every conversation, almost word for word, and I was always curious to hear about it.

"You said no."

"I was a stupid kid." I let out, feeling extremely guilty for my lack of tact. "Why were you even friends with me?"

It made me think of that time we played truth or dare with Harry, when she admitted she used to have a crush on me when we were kids, and I couldn't help but wonder how much it had hurt her to hear that 'no' on that day but I didn't dare asking. Instead, sighed and got up slowly, stretching my arms as she was getting up too. I noticed the credits rolling on the screen.

"Tired?"

We got prepared and once again, ended up laying in the dark, in my bed. The room was quiet, heck the whole house was completely silent, and I didn't have the guts to break it. I liked the intimacy. The feeling of staying in complete silence with someone without an ounce of awkwardness. I liked that I didn't the need to talk just to fill a blank, that I didn't have to make sure it was not weird for her either.

I remained motionless when she cuddled my side again and I felt her leg move over mine slowly, making me hold my breath. I knew she hadn't said anything earlier when we fell on the floor while dancing, but it was impossible had not noticed how aroused I had been. I had barely moved over her but feeling my cock rub against her thigh made me freeze. Her lips had parted and all I could think about was when I caught her masturbating. How she had slid her hand in her panties, how her head was leaning against the bed, how her lips had parted with the pleasure. The more I tried to push the thought away, the more I was thinking about it and it suddenly hit me : if I hadn't caught her, she would have orgasmed on that bed. She would have shook, grabbed the sheets with her free hand, moaned out loud even, maybe... or she would have bitten her bottom lip to make sure no sound would come out so that no one could have heard her.

She was supposed to be my best friend, just my best friend. How many times had I repeated those words in the past week? Yet I had had a sex dream about her, masturbated thinking about her, caught her masturbating and had those images run in my head over and over again. it was at least the third time I was getting hard thinking about her and it was driving me insane. Having sex with my best friend would ruin everything. It would ruin her relationship with Harry and whatever I had with Maya but even worse, it would probably ruin our friendship. Just the thought scared me so much I held my breath again.

"Niall?"

Once again, her voice was soft and it made something twist in my stomach.

"Mm?"

"Everything will be fine." she simply answered as if she read my mind.

"I know petal, I know."

                                                       ----

We had planned the double date for the next day and it was a good thing because I was suddenly impatient to get it over with. Maya was leaving for a contract in Paris in a few days and Harry was apparently busy too with something he couldn't share just yet. I was surprised Liv didn't insist or even seemed annoyed but I didn't mention it.

We had decided on a typical movie date but when we stood up at the theatre in front of the movies, we couldn't seem to agree on anything.

"A romantic comedy would be so nice!" Maya let out in a dreamy tone.

"As long as it's not a horror movie I guess i'll just follow." Liv just shrugged, glancing at me.

I knew she was more into action movies but she was just romantic enough to enjoy a love story on screen and it made me smile.

"The Night Before seemed funny." I pointed out with a shrug as Liv was turning to me, sending me angry eyes. "What?" I just asked, raising my eyebrows.

No one decided to argue with me and I bought four tickets for all of us. I kept my hands in my pockets to make sure I wouldn't have to hold Maya's hand but she just wrapped her arm around mine and I just let her, not wanting to fight again especially not in public. Olivia walked next to me and bent down, raising her nose up.

"I hate those stupid comedies!" she reminded me in a very low tone, making me chuckle.

"Excuse me, but how many times did I watch the Die Hard movies with you? Or the Indiana Jones'?"

She looked up in my eyes and groaned again, moving away as I noticed Harry grabbing her fingers and pulling her closer and away from me. I frowned for half a second but felt Maya hold my arm closer to her and I turned my head to send her a small smile. This date had barely started and it was already awkward. She moved up on her tiptoe and I held my breath, a bit scared that she would kiss me. She simply smiled more and pressed her forehead against mine before moving back down on her feet. When I looked away, I noticed Liv's eyes on us but she immediately looked away and it made me feel guilty for a reason I ignored.

We entered the room and found seats in the back. I ended up between Harry and Maya and I bent down to glance at Liv before my eyes found Harry's.

"Do you mind to switch place with Liv?" I asked in a whisper, bending my head closer to him.

He stared at me a few seconds, a small frown gracing his face, but I kept staring at him without shame and he finally sighed and turned to talk to my best friend. After a few seconds, they both got up and Liv sat next to me, tilting her head back a bit to send me a smile.

"Can't live without me?" she murmured with a small chuckle, making me grimace.

"Don't make me say things I didn't say." I joked, making her laugh more.

We stopped talking when the movie started and I tried to focus on it instead to think about Maya who felt literally glued to my arm. It was funny and I laughed a lot until I turned to Liv who rolled her eyes but she couldn't hide the small smile on her lips. I looked down and noticed her knee pressed on mine. She had decided on a skirt and it was so rare that she'd wear something to show her legs that it was the first thing I had noticed. Her bare thigh was close to mine and I felt my hand sweat against my pants. I moved my hand to place my fingertips on one of her knees and I could swear she tensed next to me. I waited a few seconds but started drawing circles on her skin. I stared at my fingers as they kept moving on her knee but I could feel her eyes on me.

"Niall..." she breathed near my face.

I didn't turn to her but just moved my chin in the big screen's direction to tell her she should watch the movie. She didn't insist and I started thinking about the conversation we had had in the living room. When she mentioned 'Infinity' and how it reminded her of us, I almost thought she was going to tell me she had romantic feelings for me. That thought stayed in my head only for half a second and I was not sure how it made me feel. Relieved? Sad? Maybe a mix of both...

It seemed to take forever for the movie to end and I got up quickly, getting out of Maya's embrace. I was scared we'd have pictures taken on our way out and I didn't want to feed the rumors about us. Liv and Harry started discussing about the movie and Maya joined them but I remained silent until we were all back in the car. I still kept away from the conversation as they all decided on a small cafe to end the night but I couldn't hide that I was happy to be sitting in the front with Harry while the girls were on the back seat. I almost called out our 'safe word' but still decided to give this date an other chance. I knew she was having fun or at least I thought so

The cafe was small enough to be intimate but we sat in the back and I ended up facing Liv while Maya's side was pressed against mine. We all ordered something different and ended up chatting about different things. I noticed the small jukeboxes placed on each table and started scanning the songs before picking one. They all stopped talking when the song started and Liv sent me a smile, shaking her head slightly.

"Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it’s breaking When there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You’ll see the sun come shining through for you..."

She sang the whole verse with a large smile while staring at me and I smiled back as she bent closer to me. I knew Maya and Harry were looking at us but I didn't give them any attention.

"You know I can't help singing when it's a song I like!" she pointed out with a laugh, making me shrug.

"I know... hey, remember that time you sang at karaoke last year?"

"Yea I was totally pissed!" she pointed out, laughing louder this time. "It was more of a joke though, I honestly can't sing."

"No actually I was surprised! it was good!"

Most of the time, Liv sings loud and as a joke or hums very low, too low for me to hear well. On that day, at karaoke, her voice was clear and soft, and I had realized that my best friend could sing. Perhaps not well enough to make it a career, but good enough to be enjoyable and even if I knew that alcohol had helped her opening up and getting more confident, I had been surprised of the outcome. In fact, she had just sang a short part of a soft song and her voice sounded nice, although she hadn't sung very loud.

"Okay, Nee." she pointed out, raising her eyebrows with an amused smile. "I'm as good of a singer as you are a dancer."

"I'm an incredible dancer." I joked, pointing a finger at her and making her laugh and nod quickly.

"Of course!"

We stopped talking when the waitress came back to ask us if we wanted something else and Maya asked for a refill while Liv ordered a pastry.

"Karaoke?" Maya wondered with a smile, turning her face to look at me. "That would have been a good date idea! Maybe next time?"

"You.. want an other date?" I asked without delicacy, a bit surprised by her request. "I mean, an other double date?"

She shrugged and her eyes moving to my best friend and Harry before going back to me. I suddenly felt a bit bad for bringing them into this without even asking them.

"Yea, if they're interested." she let out, unsure, as she moved one of her shoulders up. "I just think we should, you know, take all the steps one by one."

I frowned at her words before realizing what she meant. Maya still wanted a relationship and she was expecting all the things it would bring. All the 'firsts' and the dates, every single step that would lead to something steady and official. My eyes roamed on her face and I was not sure I wanted to have this discussion with her again, especially not at this moment.

The silence between us was uncomfortable and she just kept talking, trying to explain herself.

"I mean, it's fun to anticipate thing and where it could go, right?"

Olivia licked her lips and glanced at Harry. I had the feeling they had skipped a few steps on the way to the official relationship and if Maya was talking about sex, she was looking for approval in the wrong place.

"Are you talking about sex?" Harry asked, raising his eyebrows with an amused smile.

I could swear Maya started blushing but before she could say anything, Liv talked.

"What's there to anticipate when you've already did the whole thing?"

That's when I knew I was screwed. I had never really told them that Maya and I had sex but it was implied in the non-answers and the way I would smile at their questions. I couldn't even remember the reason why I had lied and perhaps it was simply because I didn't want to explain why I hadn't wanted to bang someone like Maya.

Maya frowned and glanced at me before looking back at my best friend. I could feel my heart beat all over my body, making my head throb with embarrassment.

"I mean, Niall and I didn't... we never..." she stuttered low. "We almost did but we... we didn't."

Olivia stared at her, blinking a few times as her lips parted but after a few seconds, her head slowly turned to me and her gaze met mine for half a second before falling to the table. She pushed her plate away without taking a bite and I moved my head, trying to catch her eyes but she avoided me and finally closed her eyes and swallowed.

"Honey." I whispered, my eyes roaming on her angry face.

"No." she answered just as low but harshly.

"Honey." I repeated louder in a begging voice.

This time, her eyes met mine and I was shocked to read pain and sadness through them. The way everything was visible through her eyes if you actually took the time to look at her was unbelievable.

"No."

One of my feet found hers under the table and I tried to press my leg against her the best I could. I was totally aware of what our interaction could sound like for the other two at the table with us but I didn't care. I had hurt my best friend and although I was not sure why she was so mad, I just wanted to explain everything to her.

"Please, Liv."

I could swear her traits softened a bit and I stopped myself from reaching to her hand on the table. I didn't want to fight with her again, it was the last thing I wanted.

"I'm sorry guys, I just.. I need to go home, I have a migraine."

"Home?" I breathed out as she got up.

My eyes followed her but she was looking down at Harry while she asked him for a ride. He sent her a gentle smile and I suddenly felt extremely jealous. I got up too, looking at them as Harry moved her chin up to look in her eyes, his lips curling more when their gaze met. She only nodded and sighed, turning to look at us, clearly unhappy.

"T'was nice, thanks for the evening, i'm sorry for ruining it."

"Liv-"

"No." she cut me again. "I'll call you. Goodnight guys."

Harry kissed Maya's cheeks and held his hand out for me but I just stood there, motionless. I didn’t acknowledge him and they finally left as Maya got up too. Her hands reached for my cheeks and it took me all my strength not to move away. It was not her fault, she had done nothing wrong. The truth was, I was mad at myself and I knew I was the only one to blame. I just didn't understand why it hurt my best friend so much.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't want to look at her and I just nodded with a sigh, looking through my pockets for my wallet, noticing Harry had already left a bill on the table that covered everything we had ordered and more. Maya's arms fell back on each side of her and I searched for my keys, realizing they had left us without a car. I called for a cab and we waited outside the cafe. Maya was not holding my arm anymore and it was a relief. I knew I was being an ass to her but at the same time, I didn't know how to tell her more clearly that I was not ready for a relationship.

"Do you invite me home?" she asked low when we hopped in the cab.

I got out of my thoughts and looked at her. I knew she could read in my eyes that I was not in the mood and I didn't even have to answer. She only nodded and shrugged.

"If you change your mind, you know my number." she proposed before giving her address to the driver.

I wanted to point out to her that she had mentioned taking the steps one by one but I feared it would give her the wrong impression about what I expected from this relationship so I kept quiet.

I was not surprised when her lips met mine right after the cab stopped in front of her apartment and I answered the kiss gently, closing my eyes. I knew I should have a conversation with her too but all I could think about was talking to my best friend and solving things with her. I leaned against the seat when the cab started moving again and passed my hand in my face roughly before slipping my fingers in my hair, pulling on it. Without thinking, I grabbed my phone and typed a message quickly.

'I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I love you.'