#im trying new brushes but i cannot draw for the life of me

[theproblemcallednight]

i have many random wips like sdkjfndksjff why can't i finsh smth

anyways heres a fem skk one ive been sitting on for the past week. i did try to do a background but i got lazy

[b0mblover]

Hate, in Every Sense of the Word.

By: J

major tws for; suicide mention, domestic abuse, abuse, sexual assult mention, murder mention, (really just alot of violence tbh) self harm mention

uh, sorry? that theres so many tws, ig also minor tw for mention of sex too.

uh haha i uh, can you tell what happened tonight? it wasnt even the worst one, just, im tired of it.

talk abt living out of spite bc mannnn, thats all i been going off of for a good while now!

i uh, i really wanna make a certain food bc um. (LOOK I WANNA MAKW A LESS OILY FUCKER OKAY) but my father is awake meaning my mother will be too soon but im scared to even go out of my room bc theyre prob gonna fighttt.

hhhrbd okok ill shut up for now, go ahead and read the angry jirou bullshit ig 😭

(oh yea, if it wasn’t obvious. im talking about my mother in this.)

——————————

yknow,

you havent been a great person

or a good one even.

yet you still question as to why i dont love you

or like you,

maybe you have an idea of how much i hate you.

maybe not

i dont really care about your feelings.

at all.

not now.

i put up with this for fucking 14 years.

my entire fucking life.

ive put up with your shit.

but now?

now im done.

you have no idea how badly you fucked up.

when he said that “im sorry im a fuck up” 

yknow.

he mightve not been right for what he did.

but,

it was just a mistake.

it was a goddamn mistake.

you have any idea how many times ive uttered those words too?

how many times ive repeated them?

how many times i fucking meant it?

just because you “had it bad” doesnt mean shit to me.

you have no goddamn right to treat others the same way.

dont give me that “i dont know how else to act!���

bullshit.

bullshit you dont.

you treated your damn boyfriend just fine!

you had a goddamn kid

you had two goddamn children.

with this man that you fucking DESPISE.

you knew it back then too.

you told me you did.

you fucking told me.

almost nothing can compare to the anger i feel to you right now.

nothing.

you have no right to act like that.

no.

you have no goddamn right to hit another fucking living being.

for such a simple mistake.

i dont care if he talked about it since friday.

i dont give a fuck if he talked about it for months.

you.

you as a goddamn human.

have no right.

none.

in the slighest.

to hit another living being.

for talking about something in your eyes “too much”

or making a mistake.

youre a hypocrite.

need i remind you?

you said that after you broke up with the man you were having an affair with.

that youd be a better person.

stop the fights.

stop the beatings.

stop all of it.

and everything would be okay!

.

i didn’t believe you for a goddamn millisecond.

youre a liar.

just how you said i was.

you didnt quit.

you didnt stop.

hell two months after you hit him again!

you threatened to kill him and yourself!

cmon.

dont you get it yet?

i fucking despise you.

maybe to a degree i feel shocked.

but.

i really dont think thats it.

youre the root of my problems.

every single last fucking one.

——————

need i remind you as how i had to learn to cook, because you were too busy with your damn boyfriend to help me?

.

need i remind you how when i tried to show you that i was fucking cutting myself when i was 9 you only talked about how it looked ugly?

.

need i remind you about how many times you said that you didnt care if i hurt myself as long as no one can see it?

.

need i remind you about how you ignored the rope burn on my neck god knows how many times?

.

need i remind you how you denied fucking multiple peoples sexual assault because “it couldntve been like that”?

.

need i remind you of how many times i almost had to be hospitalized because of your neglect?

.

need i remind you of how many nights i spent alone, in the cold, in the dead of winter, just because you wanted to fuck your boyfriend?

.

need i remind you of what you yelled at me so many times?

.

need i remind you of what i seen?

.

need i remind you of how many times you blamed your abusive behaviors on medication?

.

need i fucking remind you of my entire purpose?

.

i dont care about your feelings anymore.

i gave up years ago.

but now.

i dont feel just numb for you.

i hate you.

in every sense of the word.

.

i dont care of what you or anyone else thinks of me.

.

i dont care about what you think of my appearance.

.

i dont care if you think im too thin or fat or whatever word youll use next.

.

i dont care about what you think because you’ll hate me no matter what.

.

you thought id stop being xxxx when you broke up with him.

you yelled at me.

no.

you fucking screamed at me for weeks.

im tired of even putting in the slighest effort of acting as if i fucking care.

i dont give a fuck about you.

and yknow?

if.

no.

if it would work.

if it was possible.

id fucking kill you.

id stab you.

right here.

right now.

to end my suffering.

to end his suffering.

all of it.

id end it all.

i dont care if its wrong.

because i know no one else knows about whats going on.

yknow.

only one person around here knows what youve done to him and me.

and i havent even met her in person.

yknow.

the people i used to be close with from school.

only just learned you had an affair.

i know that.

the police are do-less.

since you know them.

and hes a man.

not a woman.

it wouldnt be taken seriously.

that he should just fight back.

yknow.

youve ruined what life he has left.

his parents beat him.

his ex wife beat him, and cheated on him.

and here.

youve done the exact same thing.

yknow.

he’ll never get to see how love truely is.

because of you.

because of what youve done.

i cant say i really like him either.

but.

that doesnt give you the right to ruin his life.

.

yknow whats worse?

how i know the only reason that so far youve never dared to lay a finger on me.

is because ive proved that i won’t hesitate to beat the fuck out of you right back.

i know i joke about that night.

but.

really.

hitting you for doing that was the best decision i couldve made.

its kept me safer than i wouldve been for years. 

and even now.

if you were to as so much to touch me.

while in a fight.

id do it all over again.

you maybe 100 pounds heavier than me.

but you dont know how to fight against someone who wont just sit there and take it.

i wont forgive you for what youve done.

even if he will.

.

i want nothing to do with you.

get out of my life for good.

[dracosathenaeum]

OBLIVIATE | D.M.  ABANDONED FIC OUTLINE

Hello~

I’ve had this fic for @fuckingdraco ‘s writing challenge outlined for almost a year now. Half of it is a skeleton; i have some scenes which are fully written out and others which are just first drafts and idea dumps. this is quite literally copied and pasted so good luck if you read it.

I never had the heart to completely delete it but never liked it enough to write it; so here is my 2.2k draft fo what would’ve been a series. 

If anyone decides to read it, be warned, it’s a mess. i just didnt want it to die in my notes so it’s having a life here, in my new section of my masterlist ‘fics that never saw the light of day’.

warnings: memory loss, fight scenes, gore, fighting

//

Being in a secret relationships had its ups and downs

You had to sneak around

But that just made the moments you were together so much more meaningful

You couldn’t brag about him to your friends

But the both of you were quite private people anyways, explaining your absences as studying in odd places

No one ever found out

It was just you and draco

The summer of 5th year was hard as he spent all of it in the south of France with his family

But it made coming back in 6th year so much more exciting

your fingers ached to touch him as you walked past his carriage

It was moments like this that you wish you could openly love him

But when your friends started gossiping about how Harry Potter thought he’d become a death eater, you were suddenly glad you weren’t linked to him publicly

That thought itself set a heavy weight of guilt on you

He came back in 6th year and he had changed

His kisses lost their spark

His eyes lost their light

He’d fuck you rough and hard, almost as if forgetting himself. Before making it up to you in the next instance

Slow love making that made you feel like you had just slept with an entirely different person

You followed him

You supposed you shouldn’t have

But he was skipping meals and you couldn’t exactly talk to his friends when they didn’t know you

You couldn’t confide in your friends as they wouldn’t understand

So you had no other choice

You followed him throughout the nights, and every time you would find him slipping into the room of requirement when he should’ve been slipping into bed with you

Once you had gauged what time he usually went and on what days you yourself went, 10 minutes before he was due

You watch as he fiddles around some ancient looking cupboard and you wonder why you’re jealous of a dead tree taking up dracos time

You watch as he sends things through, until finally it works for him

But its not happiness on his face nor relief

It looks like dread

He doesn’t look like he’s accomplished something, no there was no way

You watch as he takes off his tie, throwing it in the pile of robes and jumper

You watch as he rolled up the sleeves to his arms, the arms that had held you up more times than you could count

And you watch as the dark snaking lines of the dark mark are exposed on your lovers skin

His eyes whip round to see yours, instantly widening in fear

It isn’t until you try to walk towards him and he throws his hands up to stop you do you realise the shattered glass littered around you

He flicks his wand and you walk over, standing in front of him trying to figure out why

“How did you hide it from me for so long.”

“Simple charms, I was hoping you wouldn’t have to find out.”

More dialogue where he explains

“I don’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice.”

Draco please

“I can’t, I had to take this on my skin because my father fucked up”

“If I, if I stop now, I cant save my mother”

“Draco please, we can find a way around this”

You kiss him

And it feels like you’ve both gone back to before 6th year

When times were simpler

When he loved you and you loved him and that was it

No other interruptions

“Oblivate”

PART 1

“Y/n?”

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“Draco Malfoy, we share some classes but we haven’t spoken before.”

“Oh, im sorry, of course. I’m really tired I dont usually forget peoples names I swear. I must’ve been so tired I wandered in, I apologise.”

“It’s okay, the doors over there.” You take that as his polite cue of asking you to leave

He offers a tight smile, one you remember from first year, one you remember seeing across the hall as he’s shut down by Harry Potter

Poor guy must be going through something

“Y/n”

you turn, you dont even hesitate. You dont know what it is but you feel as if you’ve known him all your life

You change and you see a gold ring dangling from a dainty gold chain. You ask your friends if they’ve seen it before

im forgetting so much these days

But you keep it on, it brings you an odd sense of comfort

You keep it tucked beneath your blouse, bringing it to you lips on occasion when youre anxious.

//

He had forgotten about his ring, the very ring you had clasped between your thumb and finger as you worked on your essay. How was he possibly supposed to get it from you

he’s well aware he’s staring but his mind is whirling

He needs that ring

“Draco, isn’t that your ring?”

He should’ve obligated himself, that might’ve been easier

“I’m sure it just looks similar.”

“Draco, we both know that’s the Malfoy famlily crest, I wondered why you stopped wearing it.”

“Wait did she steal it?”

misplaced it

She picked it up

He had to awkwardly walk over to pick it up

“That’s my ring.” You had told him all about how your friends hated him and how you had feigned indifference the entire time

He had to act the part

Youre flustered, eyes flicking between the ring and him, fingers clasping it tighter as if not wanting to let it go

He notices and his heart clenches at the sight

Remembering the night he gave it to you

*flash back*

“I’m so sorry, I must’ve picked it up by accident here.”

“Wait, how do you even know it’s his, prove it Malfoy.”

“My vaults could buy Hogwarts, why would I be stealing gold from a nobody?”

Your cheeks flare up and your friends glare at him but see his side

You struggle to unclasp it, and of course you fucking do because his stupid fucking ass charmed it so only he could take it off

he watches as you struggle with it, turning to a friend to help before you have 6 girls pulling at the very expensive chain on your neck

“For fucks sake youre going to damage it, let me.”

Your breath hitches as his surprisingly warm fingers brush your hair out of the way, fingers working quick to unclasp the necklace, the weight of it leaving your neck and you feel surprisingly empty

“Thank you.”

You watch as he goes, your fingers scratching over your neck, feeling something bubble in your throat

This was pathetic, you were so sad over something that was never yours in the first place

You spend the remainder of the time trying to figure out how you cam to be in possession of it in the first place

//

your name is written in beautiful cursive on a letter that you cannot help but love

You turn it over to see a beautiful wax seal on it, fingers trembling as you break it

The chain is yours.

d.m.

You tilt the envelope over into your hand to feel the familiar weight of the chain in your hand, clasping it around you neck in an instant

You look in the mirror but you dont recognise yourself

Your friends are surprised when you study with them

When you go back to your dorm room at a reasonable time

And you dont have a clue where it is they think you go

But how could you possibly explain to someone what you font remember

The chain is too light around you neck, its just not the same, it feels as if it’s chocking you rather than bringing you comfort

You start digging through your trunk and draws, looking for something to act as a pendant before you finally do.

Hidden at the back of one of your draws you find a little velvet box you dont remember stashing away. But then again, you dont seem to be remembering much these days.

Its a tiny little constellation of stars, charmed to sparkle and you heart wonders why you had never worn it before. It was a simple little charm but once hooked onto the necklace, you look at yourself in the mirror and finally feel as though a little part of you has returned.

PART 2 THE CONSTELLATION IS DRACO

6th and 7th years are a blur

A blur of horror

You dont really understand how life had changed so abruptly

You dont know how you end up fighting in a war at the age of just 18 but here you are

Draco stands with Hogwarts

And then his mother calls

You’ve seen him

Of course you have

You know what he is, know what his parents are

But you also know what he has done to make Hogwarts more bearable for you under the Carrows watch

The small things, diverging attention away from you and your friends

He wasn’t evil and some part of you knew that

You watch as he takes a shuddering breath and starts to walk

You watch as no one stops him

You watch as he loses more of his soul with each step towards mr no-nose

You dont know why you do it

You run

Your friends call your names, teachers joining in

They think youre joining the other side, they think youre fucked in the head, as they had since that incident in 6th year

But no, you were just missing something

you catch up to him pretty quickly, pulling him to a stop

“Ah, another to join my cause. Welcome young lady.”

“You know me. Im missing something but whenever I’m with you, whenever im holding this stupid constellation close to my heart, I feel at ease. Why”

he stares at you incredulously, and why wouldn’t he. Youre in the middle of a battlefield, Harry Potter has just been declared dead and Voldemort is less than a meter away

But you dont feel scared

And you feel stupid for not feeling scared

“It has felt like I dont even know who I am for the past 2 years, what did you do to me?”

You know everyones watching, you can hear the gasps on both sides as they think the worst of him

“I did what was necessary.” That was the first time he had spoken more than 2 words to you since he had gotten his necklace back that day in the library

“Draco, this is no time to be flirting. Come join me, bring her with you if you want.”

He tenses as voldy rests a boney hand on his shoulder, pulling him towards the other side, away from you

“If you won’t be joining us, we will use you an example of what will happen if you dont join us.”

You stare at him unfazed, fear was something you had gotten used to

Your fingers grip your wand in hand, running through all the spell harry had taught you in the da but its not enough

You are no match for voldy as he throws an unforgivable at you

You hear screams around you but all you hear is silence, as if the world had finally gone silent

//

Draco watched as the spell hit you directly in the chest. He had spent 2 years living with his actions all for it to have gone to naught in a single second

He watched as the light from his wand hits you

Before rebounding off you as if it hit a shield

There’s a flash of black and his mother is infront of him, wand out from deflecting the spell from bouncing back and hitting him

“Mother?”

“She’s important to you?”

“She gave him one of the fucking family heirlooms, either she’s important to him or he’s an idiot”

His parents were… bickering in the middle of a battle

voldy recollects himself but before he can talk neville speaks up “I have no idea what’s going on but-”

Draco drowns out the noise as he stares at you on the floor, youre covered in dust and in blood but youre alive

He hears screams as harry rolls from hatreds arms, he hears the cries from death eaters but all can see is you

“We’re switching sides now?”

“I mean he’s fairly distracted, he won’t have time to hunt us down, we owe it to our son.”

Fight scene

You remember everything

Fred Weasley teases the both of you, “we have a war to win, you can fuck later.”

He copy his lazy grin, a grin that lights you up, a grin that reminds you what’s left to fight for

You see the spell before he does

Youre in an arms reach of him but Draco cant reach you in time

You push Fred to the floor, putting yourself in the line of fire by default and draco has to watch you get hit all over again

“We need to talk about what exactly it is ive been wearing around my neck this entire time.”

“I think only my mother can answer that.”

[if you made it this far, send me an ask with the word ‘chicken’ and i’ll send you a cursed photo xx]

[ghoulciifer]

submission:

@sanemisthiccbih: “HI BABYYYY, ILYSMMM!! Congratulations on 100!!!🍾 I would like a matchup please for BNHA please! Ok soooo, I’m 5’2, kinda chubby (thicc thigh gang) , tanned, have glasses and a very round face! Also bangs and brown hair .3. Unfortunately, i have a mom/soft girl aesthetic even though i want to have e-girl aesthetic low-key. I like to draw, play t-bone, pamper my dog and bake. I blame my chunkyness on the fact that I LOVE to try new/exotic foods (even though I CANNOT cook). I LOVE trying new/weird foods. I also like being adventurous like going on hikes, checking out whats in my forest, and roller coasters (or any thrill rides, I will live at a theme park or fair tbh). Honestly let me live at the fair and I’d be happy. Um... im always told im too kind to everyone I meet. I just want someone kind (towards me at least) tbh (for this matchup a guy please!). I want that come up from behind and hug you then do that awkward big man waddle love ya know?”

notes: ali, the light of my life, i really appreciate you and your never ending support 🥺 it means the world to me, and i hope you like your matchup! i was nervous af writing this but i really think you and tama would suit each other! thank you for entering, sweet cheeks ❥ drabble under the cut because it is NSFW!

why i matched you:

» you’re sweetheart personality and your caring nature are really what attracts tamaki to you the most, aside from the fact that you’re as cute as a button. as shy and timid as he is, tamaki amajiki is naturally drawn toward those who present themselves with a bubbly, loveable aura and that’s you! he can tell there’s not an ounce of fake energy coming from you, so when he determines that you are genuinely kind and interested in building a relationship with him? you’ve got him melting in the palm of your hand.

» due to his quirk, tamaki is constantly experimenting with different recipes to incorporate his most important food groups into his meals. and who better to share those exotic dishes than with you! your love of trying new things and breaking new recipes down really help ease his nerves when it comes to cooking, because let’s be honest, cooking isn’t as easy as those youtube channels make it out to be. you’re a great seus chef and he’s always having fun chopping, baking, or grilling his love into every meal he makes with you. plus, food fights? that’s the only fight he wants to have with you!

» tamaki loves how creative and adventurous you are, you’re exactly the kind of influence he needs in his life to push him out of his comfort zone every once in a while. sometimes all he needs is that extra little push to make him do something he usually ends up enjoying. however, he respects your ability to determine when he’s at his limit with new experiences, and showers you with hugs n’ kisses when you assure him he’s doing a-okay and you’re proud of him. the affection isn’t one sided, though! he loves praises you through blushing babbles of how strong and beautiful you are, and only wants you to feel the way you make him feel at all times. and boy, is he doing a great job.

» consequentially, tamaki never fails to be at your side when you’re feeling at your lowest. he hates seeing someone so worthy of happiness feel like they deserve anything but, so what does he do? he ignores his naturally timid defenses and comforting you quickly becomes second nature to him. he’ll cup your lil’ cheeks and kiss your tears away, taking all the insecurities seeping from your soul with every sweet word that comes from his lips. he knows times like these sometimes call for a night in, cuddled together under a huge pile of blankets and stuffed animals he’s gotten you over the years, a gentle reminder of how beautiful he thinks you are whispered between kisses. what a sweetheart!

» tamaki’s friends are incredibly surprised with how calm and collected he is around you, sometimes. sure, it’s easy to make him flustered sometimes, but you really ground him and remind him there’s no need to be anxious 24/7! baby boy just needs validation, and that’s constantly reciprocated between the two of you, so there’s never a doubt in his mind that he can’t be himself around you.

» of course, tamaki’s going to be a flushed mess when it comes to affection, but nothing makes him feel more loved than when your arms are wrapped around him from behind and you waddle your way to wherever it is you’re taking him. his favorite things to do are intertwining his fingers with yours, a thumb rubbing your knuckles softly, resting his head on your shoulder and peppery little butterfly kisses here and there, or even pulling a page from your book and wrapping his arms around you from behind with his chin buried in your hair. almost always leads to the both of you blushing furiously but, it’s worth it.

drabble:

Lavender. Salt. Sex. These scents are what permeate the thin air of your shared bedroom with Tamaki, each one as intoxicating as the last as they invade your every sense. Slick sweat mixed with one another’s spending, short, panting breaths, your glistening chest rising and falling with each gasp and moan that slips past your parted lips; Tamaki loves watching this scene unfold from his position between your legs. Your boyfriend’s face is currently buried in your gushing cunt with a gentle yet firm grasp on your hips to keep you still, relishing in the way your hips buck into his mouth with every swipe of his tongue over your abused clit. 

You would think that as soft and gentle Tamaki is outside of the bedroom, he would be equally as fragile with you in between the sheets… but oh, what a misconception that was. If anything he was almost too generous. 

“Tama-... baby, p-please, I can’t…” you whine through labored breaths, head thrown back into the mattress as your hands tangle themselves within his messy indigo locks. You felt so incredibly overstimulated, and your poor shaking legs would surely threaten to crush his head if it weren't for the way his large hands kept them pinned in the perfect position for him to devour you whole. Your soft pleas were barely above a whisper but you could tell they reached his pointed ears with the way his lips shifted into a smile against your glistening folds.

“Y/N, please, just let me give you one more? I want to make you feel good, bunny, you deserve it.” He presses a chaste kiss to the innermost part of your thigh, tongue slipping out to lap up what wetness was left there from his previous ministrations, “You’re so beautiful like this… I love you so much.” He says this with the most awestruck look in his azure irises, his smile looking almost too innocent had it not been for your cum making his chin shine beneath the lowlight of your bedroom, his cheek pressed into your leg as he pleads to you with looks alone. 

Your own eyes instantly soften and you feel that familiar tug of your heartstrings, getting so lost in how sweet he looked in moments like this. How could you ever resist him when he adores you oh, so much? 

You reach forward to brush your thumb against his cheekbone, trailing the digit downward to tug at his bottom lip. You then give him a silent “I love you, too” before laying back down against the sheets. His smile instantly grows. 

And of course, it isn’t long before he’s got you writhing in pleasure, seeing stars, and chanting his name like it’s the only word you know.

deadline for matchups is (08/29/20)! be sure to submit your entry before this date and check the tag #tumplaysmatchmaker to stay updated!

[ivyaugustetc]

hello!! i'm giving you pure creative freedom here, do whatever you please!!

i'll try my best to describe myself, as that is my fatal flaw. i have green eyes and messy brown hair. my classic scent is marine water and driftwood. im a entp, aquarius, and slytherin. i use the pronouns she/her. i'm extremely stubborn, i have a good sense of humor, and i love learning. i also love to argue/debate, and i'll do anything to win [even if I'm wrong, but i'm never wrong ;)]. i probably need glasses, but alas, my stubbornness kicks in so i'll never admit it. my favourite hobbies are reading, writing, researching, and baking. i love learning about all types of mythology + astrology. i have a knack for history, and i'm super into foraging, although I don't get to practice it much! i play many sports, some of which including ice hockey, baseball, and volleyball. i would describe my aesthetic as a mix of academia, cottagecore, and goblincore. i have an extremely flirtatious personality, even when i don't mean to come across that way. my friends say i have an old soul- they also say i'm a nerd but we don't talk about that. i was on our schools honor roll and I received two other awards, one for my academic achievement and one for my leadership skills. i am a die-hard romantic, although i'm the person you least expect it from.

hopefully this information will suffice!! I'm excited to see what you come up with :)

hey!! this is so much good information omg i love it i have SO MUCH, this one was so fun to write. okay okay here we go:

ship: i ship you with cameron + you would be besties with meeks and stick!

notes:

you're like a more adventurous version of cameron, and that's something that simultaneously draws him to you and give him a healthy fear of you ;)

allow me to elaborate: he's convinced that he can get good grades and keep himself stable whilst keeping his head down and doing his work—you manage to do both of those things while being an absolute firecracker of a person

and besides just school, you're into so many other forms of learning and all these other athletic pursuits that he's just like how can one person do all these things and be great at it???

little bit of enemies to lovers coming up here

at some point in class you'd get paired up for a debate and spend a lot of your time socializing with your group mates and having a good time, which cameron, in all of his smug hard work, thinks is a good thing because he'll be able to crush you in the debate

long story short, he does not

you end up in a heated debate in the front of the classroom, both of you just throwing knowledge back and forth at each other with so much aggression and of course you wipe the floor with him and win the whole thing

you just brush it off because duh, ofc you won you're always right, but cameron cannot stop thinking about it

it haunts him for so long that he eventually goes over to your dorm, knocks on the door, and when you open it he asks, "how did you do it." "what do you mean?" "the debate."

and so you invite him in and show him how you planned out your argument and stuff and he's like "...it's oddly simple?" and thus you introduce him to the fact that you can be smart and do well without being wound up so tight that you might spontaneously convulse ;)

he still doesn't believe you, so you take it upon yourself to show him the magic of not giving a shit while also giving a shit

you encourage him to have fun and think more freely rather than within the rigid guidelines of how the school teaches you to think

you show him that there's more to life than just work, something he probably wouldn't have been able to figure out on his own

and he starts to enjoy not just the new mindset, but hanging out with you and getting to know you :)

onto you and meeks!

you and meeks are similar in the having an old soul, he gives me really smart old man trapped in a teenager's body kinda vibes??

but you always want to be grouped with him for projects and stuff because you get the info dump and he makes it neat and organized

and at some point when cameron asks him about you, he describes you as someone who's really nice and fun to be around

i firmly believe that meeks loves mythology and astrology as well and therefore you would have conversations about it that would last HOURS about everything pertaining to those subjects

like a teacher would say something semi controversial and you'd lean over to meeks and whisper "that's very scorpio of him to say" and he'd be like "i was thinking the exact same thing"

onto your partner in crime (and my future husband but whatever), stick!!

this boy represents your chaotic side,,,, sO WELL

i have this weirdly specific idea that you would meet because you could simply not see the board (but again, you're too stubborn to get glasses) and you would ask to borrow his for a second and he would just. go with it.

and now every time the teacher writes something on the board, he just hands you his glasses long enough for you to write down the info in your notes

i just imagine you two walking down the hallways together, cackling over your own jokes and thinking you're the actual epitome of comedy (which u are, duh)

he would listen to your sports talk because he doesn't play sports but his brother does so he knows all about them

he gets the flirtatious personality and he also has one lmao which leads to some,,, interesting conversations that piss cameron off

but as i said, you're this free spirit that makes everyone around you smile, even richard "stick up his ass" cameron ;)

[goldafterglow]

embellished lungs

Summary: Ezra buys a pretty thing for a pretty thing.

Request: hc about what renders Ezra speechless 😶 - @lose-eels (this is not even what you asked for but fuckin here ig im sorry sgkfjdshg)

Pairing: Ezra x reader

Word Count: 2.6k+

Warnings: a big fat drabble?, very really soft, not beta read and tbh barely even normal read i read this maybe twice oops

Author’s Note: i almost put this just like under the ask but I’m not gonna sit here and act like this is a drabble bc i’m a clown. i don’t want to talk about it. and spitting this out bc I was soft for Ezra and @mrpascals made me

Gif Cred: my wife and my baby @pascalplease

masterlist | taglist modifications

He spies it in the open market while he’s stocking up on supplies.

The day is hot, the Sun bearing down on its disciples with a violent red fury, but it’s light is strong, bright. Everything is reflective, hot to the touch from boiling in the heat, and all of the creatures begin to melt together like dyed wax to form one big discernable blob, if you really squint. Ezra’s sweat escapes the barrier of his brows and leaks past his lashes, dragging across his eyes and stinging a little, blurring his vision and dripping onto his arms, but he doesn’t care. He’s far too exhilarated.

The market in itself is absolutely brilliant to him; he’s always been enthralled by this, by people and pretty things, and to be completely surrounded by both felt like something akin to sensory overload. His heart is racing at the sight of people traversing the dirt road, loitering and browsing through produce colored so vibrantly he wonders if the bright red apples and deep indigo berries have been dipped in the tinted glow of fairies that dance in the forest. And he’s utterly taken by the art and trinkets. He’s always had a little soft spot for art - a tender, exposed section of his beating flesh that is so sensitive, so delicate and so easy to provoke. And right now, he seems like he’s subject to a battering ram, pounding against his chest in the best way possible.

His eyes dart around quickly as he tries his best to take everything in. He finds himself cherishing every little interaction, every stranger whose shoulder he is forced to brush in an attempt to make his way through the market, every vendor that begs to him, calls to him to try “just one last berry sir. I’m sure your lover will be delighted by the raspberries from yesterday’s harvest.” He ended up buying a quaint six ounces just so that he could feed them to you. But that would be a treat for later.

And just like that, he is thinking of you. The prettiest, most beautiful thing. A sculpture with imperfections so perfect that he knows it must have taken eons to craft you out of gold and diamonds and the soft fluff of hummingbird feathers and butterfly wings. You are art, a walking, breathing, touchable piece that he gets to admire up close. It’s a privilege, really, to have been gifted with Kevva’s finest handiwork.

As his pupils peruse the stands, admiring his surroundings, they suddenly become frozen in place, permanently stuck on a little trinket that’s caught his attention: a necklace. The gem sitting in the center isn’t aurelac; it’s much more vibrant, much more dramatic and almost rainbow when he looks at it from different angles. The chain isn’t long, and knowing you the gem would fall right between your collarbones. He can already envision you wearing it, like a child flicking watercolors onto the Venus de Milo, but he wants to see his deep green paint draped around your shoulders. The way he sees it when you wear his clothing, when you’re adorned with bruises of his passion like stars adorn the sky, when you wear him. It’s intoxicating, seeing that he’s had any impact on your life and that you parade it around like a trophy. That you think about him without him prompting you to do so - not that he isn’t constantly in your presence. But he wants to buy it just so that he can see you wear it. Perhaps even only wear it.

He’s already thinking about how fucking gorgeous you would look in it. He is thinking about putting it on you, tugging on it ever so lightly in a way that signals to you - that is, rather than exerting any true force on you - that he wants a kiss. Perhaps pulling on it a little harder so that metal bites your skin and you can feel it, feel him digging into the soft flesh of your neck. Now he’s imagined a thousand scenarios in which he can have his way with you just by getting you to wear this piece, and he has to purchase it.

When the vendor finally hands it to him, packaged with care and placed deep into the hollow of a black velvet box, he finds that it barely fits in his pocket. He doesn’t care, though, because it’s too exquisite an accessory to be thrown in with the other supplies and it’s too precious for him to take it out of the box. He’s excited when he comes back to the pod, back home where you are.

Home is you.

He assumes you must’ve heard him come in, the pod door loud and rambunctious as he dumps the bags into the center of the pod space and then crawls in himself - it was hard enough with two arms, nonetheless one. He lets out a sight as if to let the excitement drain out his vessels and into the atmosphere of the cockpit, mingling with the peace and solitude to create a soft buzz that zings through his ears and vibrates his eyes. The exhilaration from being the market was utterly electric, but he is home now. He can crawl into you, let you absorb into him, and he likes how you can make his heart race a million miles and yet also pacify him, a cold compress to his aching soul to help reduce inflammation. He wants to maintain that semblance of the intricate pastel harmony, adorned in lilac and peach hues. So he stands in the middle of the cockpit and closes his eyes, lets himself sway to the rhythm of his lungs for a moment. Just a fraction of solitude, and he doesn’t mind because ever since he met you he has never felt lonely, not even when he’s alone. He always feels you with him.

Once his head has cleared, he palms at his pocket where the little black box still resides, as if to check that he hadn’t dreamt up some fantasy ornament that would look so perfect on you. It’s still there; of course it is, and he feels foolish for thinking that the pretty butterflies would have fluttered it out and flown it away, but sometimes he wonders if the same thing will ever happen to you. If one morning he will wake up and you will have migrated with the birdies, off to seek true warmth because you’re not real, because nothing so good as you could ever be caged by him.

He steps into your shared bedroom and spies you with your back to the entrance. The room is cool, but you’ve elected to wear his shirt, even foregoing pants. His favorite outfit of yours, and he knows you know it. You’re wearing headphones, something he’d picked up for you on your last supply run, and he can tell you’re playing one of those instrumental stations you so adore listening to when you were working. A mutely-colored map is stretched out onto the desk, and he’s not even sure you can focus the music because your mind is moving faster than your poor hand can keep up as you mark up a new dig site. He almost feels bad for interrupting you while you’re in such deep concentration, your forehead smashed into wrinkles without even noticing, but Ezra cannot resist his greed for your attention. Ever so gently, he places his hand on your shoulder from behind so as not to startle you.

You almost immediately register the delicate touch, turning the radio off and pulling your headphones off your ears so you can give this kind artist your undivided attention - Kevva herself knows he's earned it. You turn your head to face him, craning your neck back so you can take his softly smiling depiction like pressing a plush blanket into your face.

“Hey, pretty boy,” you coo, letting your pen fall tumultuously from your hand. The sound of it clanging against the table and then rolling around to a stop fills the room, but you can’t hear it; Ezra is talking now.

“Hey, sweet stardust,” he greets back, voice orange and warm like the heat that simmers under the stars during the summer at midnight.

Comfortable.

 “Hey” was never his preferred salutation, and he’d tried to omit it from his vocabulary for so long, but he started to notice that he likes it when you say to him. Like a little pearl of your voice, so sweet like honey with the honeycomb still mixed in, a little grainy and so cheeky.

“Did you get everything we need?” you ask, beginning to stand to that you can press a hand to his chest, grounding him to the pod and to your sanctuary soul. Ezra grins wide, unable to hide his excitement at your words.

“I in fact exceeded our needs, sweet rose bud,” he says with a pride that fills up your chest and makes you want to hold him tight because you love when he gets giddy like this, with the childlike enthusiasm of showing your parents the shitty drawing you made or your ugly macaroni art. Ezra is light, his tone airy. “I happened to spot a gem that reminded me of your vision and I couldn’t resist the urge to get it.”

You brow furrows a little, not out of confusion but out of curiosity. Ezra’s taste has always inspired you, and you knew his never ending quest for art is always in an attempt to find beauty in everything. You don’t even have to look at it to know that it will be stunning because his stamp of “pretty” approval is your gold standard.

He pulls the box out and opens it facing you so that you can get a good look, really admire it, and you are already taken by the shimmering pendant.

“Oh Ezra, it's - it’s utterly magnificent,” you gush, and he can spot that little glimmer in your eyes that you get when you’re looking at something that you’re enamored with; they way you look when you’re gazing at him. You raise your chin to look at him, his cheeks rosy with delight and sweet eyes crinkled at the corners. “Put it on me.”

It’s not so much of a demand as it is a gentle instruction; you know he wants to, know he’s been thinking about it since he bought it, and you want to be open to him. You want to invite him into your heart, inside of the flower garden of your chest, with open arms because he deserves to feel wanted.

You help him pull the chain out of the bottom of the box, keeping one end in your right hand and letting him take the clasp in his left. He wills himself to move slowly, to savor every little stimulation you send through his skin as he steps behind you. His fingers press against your clavicle, tracing along the bone before traveling up over the valley of your shoulder, tips of his hands brushing against your throat. He is feeling you, mapping out your body because he’ll never get to see an angel in his life but he’s certain you must be the spitting image.

You can feel his breath against your skin, hot and intoxicating as a small film of dampness coats your exposed back and neck. Your right hand rests at the nape of your neck, waiting expectantly, but you don’t rush him. He takes his sweet, sugary time, because the surface of your skin feels like he’s running his fingers through a field of silicone needles, firm but harmless as they stimulate a sensation he never knew he could feel before he touched you for the first time. You’re addictive, the best high he’s ever gotten, and he almost lets his hand lose all abandon and travel so carefully down the front of your body, palming your breast along the way and pressing right into your diaphragm before he keeps going down, down, down…

Almost.

But he will save it for a later time, especially since he’d been fantasizing about you wearing the necklace like a carefully chiseled bust is adorned with sashes. So finally, after what feels like hours of roaming and teasing, you feel that calloused, worn sensation of your lover’s fingers seeking solace against yours. You pin your breath to your lungs, not daring to let it go as you wait for the heavy release of his hand indicating that the necklace is secure. But even once you feel it, even as you let your right hand fall down at your side, Ezra does not take his hand off of you. You don’t want him to.

Slowly, so that he never has to cease his touch, you turn to face him. You’re still looking down at the pendant, in awe of how the gem rests so perfectly between your collarbones. You can’t see Ezra’s adoring gaze, his completely awestruck fixation on how ethereal you are to him. Like you’re emitting a golden glow, too hot to touch and yet begging, inviting his fingers to feel and press and hold. 

Celestial.

He feels his emotions expand in his stomach, diaphragm threatening to spasm. His hand trails up to your chin, palming your jaw as he tenderly lifts your line of sight so that he can see your pretty eyes.

“You’re divine,” he mumbles to you, not wanting to disrupt the tight silence, so tense he’s afraid of speaking too loud lest it break and snap against his cheek leaving an angry raised brand.

Overwhelmed with appreciation, you balance your hands on his shoulders and press a gentle kiss to his cheek, letting it linger so you can savor the honeysuckle dew on his skin. “I love it,” you whisper with a grin.

Ezra giggles.

When you pull back to face him proper, his face is utterly red. His smile reaches the lobes of his ears, bashful and boyish like his belly has just been tickled by the sweetest of baby chicks, and he can barely get a word out. He can’t speak. His mind is in overdrive, completely inundated with a blistering adoration for you and your approval because you said you loved it. His gift is not a splash of children’s watercolors; it is a clean swipe of gold running along your jaw, accenting your beauty and emphasizing just how exquisite you are to him.

“Yeah?” he managed, a soft giggle still passing his lips like the first cries of a baby deer, the first flutters of a newly hatched butterfly.

Adorable.

You can’t resist the urge to giggle back, placing a hand at the nape of his neck and pulling him in for a true kiss on his glittery lips. It only lasts seconds, however, because Ezra can’t stop smiling and you can’t stop giggling, so you both settle for the blissful solitude of pressing your foreheads against one another, breathing in each other's air and taking up the same space.

“It’s gorgeous, Ezra. Thank you,” you whisper lightly so that the wisps of air tickle his upper lip, and suddenly he is so inclined as to press his left arm into the small of your back so that you’re so much closer and kiss you the way you deserve; a dynamic series of long, deep, searing kisses that send you to the clouds and drop you into an endless pit of lavish fluff at the same time. You don’t know how he does this, makes you feel like you don’t exist and that there isn’t anything in the world but you and him, and you often wonder if it’s because Ezra is within you, or that your broken parts and his broken parts make some hauntingly majestic sculpture of its own; something better than the fucking Venus de Milo or Athena or Great Sphinx because it should be something so hideous and yet it feels to utterly priceless to you.

It’s precious.

ppl that asked to be tagged: @gustavos @catfishingmorales @keeper0fthestars @1zashreena1 @blancatobarxoxo @honeyedspace @chaotic-noceur @opheliaelysia @adikaofmandalore @din-damn-djarin @mrsparknuts @girlwithanewplan @mrschiltoncat @cryptkeepersoul @buckstaposition @the-feckless-wonder @cocoatales @agentpike @cryptkeepersoul

ppl that did not ask no ma’am no sir: @ergotautology @dindjarindiaries @pascalplease​

again, you can join/leave my taglist here :)

[cassette-taps]

i met the angel of death three times that year.

somehow, i remember the first the most clearly. it was a thursday, late at night. 10pm i think maybe 11. i was tired, i was stress-baking, and i had run out of flour. i made my way to the store, leaving behind my cane, promising myself it would be a short trip. and in fairness, it was. about 3 feet from my door, i slipped and fell, hitting my head hard on the concrete. and then. darkness. warmth. quiet and a suspicious lack of pain.

opening my eyes i found myself in a small grey room, with no clear entrances or exits, but open to the sky. shafts of early morning light danced around me as i pulled myself off the ground, and into a chair. a chair, that quickly morphed into a couch before i could finish thinking that i wanted to lay down. a couch set across from a chair, soft and grey as the rest of the room. in the chair, a person.

even this first time, the clearest time, i cannot conceive of them. at first, a cowled figure, then a crow's beak poking from the hood as they settled to address me, a slim dark hand brushing curls from their face. curls that morphed into bees flying from their now hive shaped form. and on and on it went.

they cleared their throat. smiled, i think. and spoke. "hello. im death. you have a decision to make." their voice. their voice was rich and singing, full of love, and yet. distant. an echo cut off from its set. but they continued. "you are very near death my friend. you will soon have to chose."

i. i had figured that something strange was happening. but i thought maybe. hallucinations? i remembered pain and bright lights, maybe some pain killer was making my dreams more exciting than normal? but no. pain meds never affected me this way. and. there was something incredibly ancient and ephemeral about this place, this person. so. i took a breath and asked to live. they smiled at me again, pressed a clawed hand to my face, and i was in a hospital bed.

the months following were hard, as they tend to be after head trauma but even as my life and vision stabilized, i couldn't forget that. vision, that figure that called themself death, the room and the morning light.

i cast it from my mind- i had to heal, and to work and to visit my friends. until of course, i was walking home, crossing an empty street, and headlights from out of nowhere bore down on me.

i woke in the same room, a small sapling growing in the center that i hadn't seen before.

before they could speak, i stood up and paused for a moment shocked by the ease and grace of the movement, and turned to pace.

"why do i have to chose? and what choices even are there? im not gonna just chose to die, i left that part of my life. i got out. why do i have to keep chosing? i just want to rest," i spoke without fully realizing it. i slumped back down into the couch and stared at the figure, who while not having a face at that moment did look, curious. their form shifted giving them a mouth and they hummed for a moment.

"its a choice to stay or go. but its not just death. you could go to live, go to die or simply stay here and rest. your body will die but you will remain in these places."

"and do, what, nap until im ready to actually die?"

a shake of their head that sent leaves spinning across my vision, "no. you would join me. us i suppose. you would ask others to choose, and help those without a choice left move on." i opened my mouth to speak, to ask more but they cut me off, "our time is short today, choose, please."

and so i woke up. i made it through without many injuries, though my cane was upgraded to a walker, and when i went back to work, my boss with tears in her eyes told me i had been fired. they provided me with enough to live until i could find a new job, but i didnt really look. my friends came by again and again, and i took up gardening. my brother came to live with me, and before long it was summer. i rarely left the house except to tend to my plants and try to draw the room that haunted my every step. summer passed into fall, and with every leaf i caught, i thought of them. their voice. somehow, i didn't seek them out. i hadn't lied, that part of my life was gone and i would keep it gone. but i wondered. i wondered of the warmth, and stillness of that place.

and then, i broke my leg. badly. i feel, and a shard of bone severed my artery. i was in the room, and i could feel how little time i had.

" what is it like to stay." i barked out the question before i had fully opened my eyes.

"you will be part of a greater whole. you will never be alone or cold or in pain. you will comfort those around you."

"can i leave?"

"whenever you want, but you cannot return from death if you go."

my mind was full to bursting. i did not want die. i did not want to abandon my life. but. the warmth. their voice. the echoes i could hear missing- the living proof of more than the one. but still. my brother. my friends. a job offer. a piece of legislation to better care for me as i healed.

"let me live," and as they moved to send me back, i grabbed their hand. "but ill see you and stay, i promise."

warmth. light. my brother's face so relieved to see me awake.

many, many, many years of life and i never saw them. i was strong. i survived.

and then. i was returned.

the sapling was giant and towered above the parlor that was prepared for me. they sat, with their face turned to the light through the many leaves, and extended a hand. i took it and i was a leave and a grain of sand and star exploding and a shrimp and a sea bird and the beginning and end of time.

i am warm. i am clothed in grey. i am never alone.

[apticho]

hello, i'm trying CSP free trial before buying it and i loved it but i have no idea how to use it. it's so different and there's so many tools that i feel like i've never draw in my entire life. do you have any brush/eraser settings and tutorials for beginners to recommend? did it took too long for you to get used to it?

I LOVE CSP!!!! 

i transferred from paint tool sai to csp last year and ive been in love with it ever since!!!! tbh i havent explored all the cool features either yet or fully utilized them, but csp is very powerful compared to sai. because i worked with sai and photoshop for a long time, the move wasnt too drastic for me, but i still had to learn some of csps fuctions. and i cannot stress this enough

UTILIZE SHORTCUTS!!!!!!! they optimize work time and make things soooo much easier. at least more than half the tools i switch back and forth to are on hotkeys. the only things im usually pressing on/changing manually are colors and making new layers/changing layer settings.

here’s what my workspace usually looks like! :

theres alot of tools and functions to go over, but here’s a like a really rudimentary crash course for the areas i have highlighted which should be enough info to get your around to make some pieces XD!

heres a google drive link to my csp brushes [here]!!! 

there are numerous tutorials on youtube that could elaborate further on the things i touched on, but yeah!! if you have more questions, just let me know ^^!

[bangtansflower]

Rigor Mortis Chapter 2

A/N: Wow i bashed this chapter out haha. This chapter doesn’t have you in but focuses on what mission Seokjin had with Tae and Jimin. The others are breifly in it as well. I do hope you guys are enjoying my story! I don’t have set times for when I upload as I have a few stories and one shots in my mind. Requests are open! So feel free to ask~  Gif not mine.

Masterlist / Previous / Next

Word count: 1,573.

Warnings: None as there is nothing graphic, but if you feel I should add any let me know!

Summary: In a world where the De Jure are in control of the entire world. What are you going to do when you get dragged from your peaceful life to one where it all gets flipped upside down. What will you do with the secrets that unfold. Eventual smut.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2

In a large mansion away from the city the seven members of bangtan sit in a dimmed room, curtains drawn blocking the last light of day from seeping into the room. The air is thick with tension from the previous mission, all members silently mourning the loss of a friend, especially Jungkook. Namjoons heart fell, he could feel the pain his youngest lover was in. He spoke softly aiming it to the youngest “We can’t dwell on it now” Glancing at Jungkook “We will save him...that is for sure...but for now he would want us to get back to base” turning towards Hoseok “Hoseok have you got it?” Hoseok nods briefly looking at a small bag settled at his feet. It is small in size, small enough that it doesn’t bring too much attention to it if it was worn out in public. Before speaking Hoseok moves it to the brown coffee table set in front of him. “Yes, we managed to retrieve it just before Yugyeom decided to stay behind”. At this Jungkook’s fists clench and he glares at the small bag, his anger slowly building up. Sensing this Jimin and Taehyung who are sat next to him wrap their arms around him trying to comfort their lover as they hated seeing him like this. The tension thickens within the quiet, until Jungkook looks up a determined look on his face, “We will get him back. Before it is too late. We have a job to do and we shall not let everyone down” He grabs both Taehyungs and Jimin's hand and squeezes gently, being careful not to squeeze too hard knowing he could easily crush their hands. The latter two boys smile gently at him with Jimin leaning forward to peck Jungkook's cheek making a light blush appear on Jungkook's face.

Clearing his throat Seokjin leans forward a serious look on his face gaining the attention of the rest of the men. Looking at each of them in the eye he tiredly sighs “So your not going to like what im going to say” Yoongi’s face hardens, Namjoon already knowing what is going to be said lays his head in his eyes, Hoseok rubs his shoulder. “They are getting closer. And not only that I have found a deep secret one that I’m sure wasn’t even meant to get out”.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback

Seokin downed his whisky. He really did not want to be there. He spotted his target. A large man with a bald head and white mustache, he clearly had a few to many to drink as he was red in the face, his white buttoned up shirt stuck to his form buttons nearly popping from the tight fit. Waltzing up to the man Seokjin plastered a fake smile on his face, which would entrance both men and women alike as they are dazzled by his beauty. “Minseok? It is Seokjin. We arranged to meet.” Minseok glanced at Seokjin, eyes scanning his form double taking on Seokjin’s vibrant purple hair. Grinning “Ahh Seokjin, I am finally pleased to meet you. You sure are secrative” The man called Minseok laughed loud drawing a few eyes to them. Noticing this Minseok turns serious “Come, let us go someplace more quiet. Away from prying eyes”. Minseok turned and started to walk down a corridor not even checking if Seokjin followed. From behind Seokjin examined Minseok,rolling his eyes mentally he scoffed to himself. Minseok was just like all of the others within the semper fideles and to top it off he wasn’t even supernatural. Just someone with a lot of money and a hunger for power, he craved it. Such a shame that he wouldn’t last much longer. After a few twists and turns down the corridor Minseok led Seokjin through a set of double doors closing them behind him. Settling himself down Minseok offered Seokjin a cigar which he rejected, shrugging to himself he lit one up for himself and took a long drag. “So Seokjin, do tell me. You claim to have knowledge of rebels, the army. But not just them, but about the leaders themselves! Those who call themselves Bangtan.” Minseok had a look of greed on his face, staring at Seokjin waiting and expecting. Seokjin nodded looking back at Minseok, “Yes I do” he was trying his hardest not to be over and done with this, making sure to take his time. Leaning forward slightly not breaking eye contact with Minseok, Seokjin laces his fingers together, elbows on his knees. “But before I do, why don’t you go first. Tell me about the Bona Fide, I have heard that they are leading the semper fideles now.” Seokjin threw daggers with his eyes towards Minseok and he physically shuddered. Minseok was stupid yes, but he wasnt that stupid that he would cross Seokjin, he could feel that the latter was a suoernatural and a strong one at that. “Leeteuk seems to believe he has knowledge of the whereabouts of Bangtan. He believes in the upcoming fortnight he will have devised a plan and capture them. There are rumours that he already knows but is just keeping it a secret until the last moment”. Taking another drag of his cigar and slowly exhaled, Minseok tilted his head in thought. Seokjin noticed this and looked at him expectantly. Chuckling Minseok acknowledged Seokjin’s silent demand and spoke soft “There is another rumour going round. One that no one would have guessed” Confusion crossed Seokjin’s face, smirking slightly Minseok finished his cigar “What would you give for this extra information. It is worth a lot and even me muttering it can cost me my life”. Seokjin glared, “Don’t test my patience Minseok. I am not in the mood to play your silly games”. Big eyes bulging Minseok put his hands up in mock surrender “Calm down it was just a joke”. It was not a joke. “The rumour is that the leader of the De Jure had a daughter 22 years ago. An extremely powerful supernatural whose powers are so rare that they only show once every 100 years or so. The mother ran away with the child to prevent her powers from being used for their own personal gain.” Standing up Minseok went to a desk behind his chair and poured himself a gin, neat. “Apparently they are searching for her. Her powers have been dormant and they plan to awaken it and use it to further their control of the world. The girl may not even know of the powers she possesses or her past”. Seokjin looked a little upset at this news “What a poor girl. If she is ever found her life will never be the same again. Any sense of normality will be gone”. Minseok laughed and downed his gin “Nothing in this life is normal.” And for once Seokjin had to agree with Minseok, though he would never admit it out loud. Glancing at his watch Seokjin cleared his throat and stood up brushing his trousers as he did so. “Well Minseok, it is time for me to go” At this Minseok ran and stood in front of Seokjin, his short stature looking even shorter next to the purple haired man. “What!?” He roared. “No you cannot! You haven’t held your side of the bargain!” Smirking Seokjin spoke with a low voice, almost a whisper “Actually no. I don’t have to fulfil it”. The last thing the drunken man Minseok ever saw before falling into eternal darkness was the Seokjin’s face void of emotion apart from his eyes which blared with so much hatred that it felt as if it was burning him up from the inside out. It could have been his imagination, but he could have sworn two other figures behind Seokjin. But none of that mattered anymore. “Man Jin you got him good” A deep voice said behind Jin. Turning around Seokjin’s anger faded away as he fell into a more relaxed posture “He deserved it. After all, he wasn’t going to last long anyway, they were going to kill him. It’s just by chance we got to him first” He shrugged.” Another voice joined in on the conversation “As much as I’d love to hang around we best be off, I'll meet you both outside.” The silver haired man did a little wave a grin on his face as he went through the open window. Seokjin turned to his companion “Lets go catch up with him Taehyung, I really don’t want to be here” At this Taehyung laughed and nodded.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Present

Yoongi groaned. “So now on top of having to fight off the De Jure and others we now have to worry about some chick with powers?” He looked tired. The missions were taking its toll on him, it was taking its toll on all of them. Namjoon yawned and rubbed his eyes, his head hurting from all of the heightened thoughts and feelings, it was suffocating him, as much as he loved the guys it was too much at times. “We shall carry on discussing it tomorrow. But for now put the bag in a safe place Hobi and let us all go to bed and rest. It has been a rough couple of days and we all need the rest” Nodding in agreement with their leader, they all got up one by one and went to their bedroom to get some well deserved sleep.

[vaingloriosa]

Fur Better or Fur Worse

RK900/Nines x Reader

Words: 1.5k

Summary: The unexpected pregnancy of your cat, Gemma, brings out an unexpected friendship with your hot neighbor.

Author’s note: < REBLOG to ZYPE > HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRYAN DECHART! if it weren’t for the chat, i would’ve never known this man's birthday...now my life knows no peace. man, y’all, i cannot believe i am still around these neck of the woods...after ALL THIS TIME. here’s to bryan choosing not to cosplay nines because he’d be so damn powerful that it’d be game over for me and my [redacted]. enjoy the early upload!!

“Oh, Gemma, what have you gotten yourself into?”

You first noticed the bump on accident as you were preparing your orange tabby’s food. Gemma had become impatient at your slow pace when she stood up on her hind legs to claw at your thigh. You narrowed your eyes when you examined her closely. You always attributed her general plumpness to just her living her life deliciously but then you realize that you had gotten it all wrong.

Gemma is pregnant.

How could this be? You always kept the tabby indoors where she wouldn’t get into risky behavior and get herself hurt. You prided yourself in being the best cat parent, always keeping an eye on her whenever she was within your eyesight. However, you couldn’t always track her movements and you never trusted home security devices ever since they were introduced.

Then you remember the unbearable heat weave the swept across Detroit in mid-August. You couldn’t help but crack the window just a few inches...

Oh, gosh, Gemma must’ve escaped through the window of opportunity to explore the outside world. Now, you watch your cat give birth to her first litter of kittens inside your cramped closet. You close your eyes as you hear the small movement coming from within the box you had prepared beforehand for Gemma. You didn’t know how you would be able to take care of kittens with your new job that demanded more of your undivided attention and time. Taking care of Gemma was one thing but kittens required supervision, special care that was vastly different than an adult cat, and you weren’t sure if you can do this alone.

You move your head to face the new mother licking one of her kittens.

“Hold on a second,” you say underneath your breath and inch closer towards the cardboard box. While Gemma mindlessly tends to the kitten, you squint your eyes at your revelation.

“Gemmy, you little bastard, tell me you did not fuck the hot neighbor’s cat.”

Her soft little meow followed by her eyes closing a tiny bit gave you all the answers that you needed.

The kittens fur, although not fully set yet, were a shade of orange and gray with some kittens having orange paws. They all had gray tortoiseshell fur from head to toe. You rise from your crouched position to look over at your window. From the outside you can see the house lights at your neighbor’s and suddenly you feel like you’re in “The Great Gatsby” looking off into the light of the East Egg. Even from the distance you can make out the silhouette of the Russian Blue father.

You bite the bottom of your lip in contemplation.

Nines was more of an anomaly, a concept, rather than an actual real person. He felt like a ghost of sorts, always working odd hours down at the Detroit Police Department downtown. In your initial meeting, you found out that he’s an android after your housewarming gift of a pie was for nothing. However, Nines was thankful and even kept the damn thing. After that, you two never talked to each other but that didn’t stop you from coming up with silly daydreams that involved a lot of domesticity bliss and then some...

You were kind of dreading bringing this subject up.

A week goes by and you’re about nearly had it up to here with the kittens’ constant crying while you’re trying to fall asleep. Your work as a pharmacist had you constantly on your feet and all you wanted to do when you got home was relax. To be deprived of what little free time you had to tend to these kittens was overwhelming. Gemma was only one cat mother so it had to be all hands on deck to help her out.

As you plop your ass on the hardwood floors, you knew enough was enough. You’ve noticed the soft glow coming from Nines’ house beforehand and you had to seize the moment. You gather up the cardboard box with both Gemma and her kittens with your intent to march up to Nines’ door and demand some sort of child support. Cat food, kitten formula, hell, you would even settle for back massage at this point. All you needed was some peace of mind and to sleep for a one solid fucking hour.

The moment the door opens, the box of cats suddenly becomes heavy in your arms and your skin begins to form goose flesh all over. Those are some very gray eyes.

Nines tilts his head and says your name. “Are you aware of the time?”

You blink frantically, whooshing away those romantic thoughts and remembering why the hell you came here anyways. Gemma lets out a small meow and Nines looks down at the cardboard box.

“Thanks for answering your door at such a weird hour. I, um, I think your cat might have gotten my cat pregnant? And by the looks of her kittens, your cat is the only viable option.”

Nines draws closer to the box and reaches inside to pick up one of the kittens. He gazes into Gemma’s eyes, his own slight hooded, and pitches his voice up a few octaves. “Do you mind?”

Gemma answers him with another meow and exposes her belly towards him. Nines nods his head, a small smile forming at his lips, then secures the tiny kitten in the palm of his hand. The glow from the lights inside illuminates the gray and orange mewling kitten and you did not how you were keeping your cool; feeling an urge to place the box down and asking if you could kiss him after watching his soft behavior with your Gemma. Suddenly, a familiar gray cat appears at the door frame and brushes up against Nines’ leg.

“Oh my gosh!” you screech out in your tender animal voice. You can’t help but smile when you see the Russian Blue in the flesh for the first time. You gently place the box down on the porch and kneel down to get a better look. However, the gray cat did not want nothing to do with you because once his eyes lock onto Gemma, he immediately brushes past you and into the cardboard box with your cat. You watch the cat nuzzle his head against hers, licking her head as a gentle hello. Your heart melts at watching your cat receiving affection that you always yearned for.

Nines kneels down to place the kitten from his hands back with their mother. You two watch in fascination at the interaction between both of your cats. You reach over to pet the Russian Blue and for a second you thought it may be a bad idea but the moment your hand reaches his fur, he accepts you.

“His name is Apollo.”

“Her name is Gemma.”

You let out a snort as you witness Nines reaching over to pet your cat. She leans into his touch and you never wanted to be a cat more than right now. You take a seat on the porch and draw your legs closer to you.

“So, you think Apollo is the father?” It’s more of a rhetorical question than anything and you hear Nines’ let out a soft laugh under his breath. He takes a seat in front of the box and places his hands in his lap. You two watch in silence as Apollo begins to wash one of the kittens with his tongue and settles into the other corner of the fairly large box. You wish you could enjoy the peaceful moment until a pain shoots up through your neck from your spine. You wince at the sudden pain, rubbing the back of your neck and closing your eyes.

“Are you alright?” Nines asks, his voice conveying concern for your well-being. You hadn’t have someone ask if you were okay in a long time and you almost become shocked at the question.

“Just peachy,” you sigh out, “Well, actually, no, not really. With my work at the pharmacy, it always seems like I close then a few hours I have to open. I thought I could be a good cat parent and balance the two but...I didn’t think kittens could be this hard.”

Nines’ shifts his position to give you his full attention. You look up from the box to watch him closely.

“I would like to help you in any way possible.”

Your jaw nearly drops at his proposition. You must have made a face when he speaks up again. “I want to be there for you and Gemma.”

You place your hand over your heart and nod your head in near disbelief. You let out a tiny laugh then look back at Nines.

“So you want to raise a cat family with me?”

The corner of Nines’ mouth forms a small smile. “It would be my pleasure.”

You two work around your busy lifestyle. On days you know you will have to wake up early, Nines comes over to pick up Gemma and the kittens so you can have some quietness for once. Sometimes when Nines would text you about staying late at work, you would let yourself into his house to take his cat with you to stay over. You would go over with them in tow in order to have a play date with Apollo which made for a perfect opportunity to get to know Nines a bit more personally.

You couldn’t believe all it took was Gemma fucking Apollo to have Nines’ pin you up against his wall pressing hot kisses against your neck.

You make note to thank her later.

Tagging: @kwaiky, @cura-posterior, @sethrine-writes, @sunstrain, @the-darklings, @deviantramblings, @thedragonkween, @hades-ii, @deviancy-wasteland, @yonaih, @diansaprince (thank u for support your local dbh stannie), @susiephalange (GOSH!! QUEEN!! IM LOVE U!!), @michverse (....my other caucasian king...the race war ain’t ready...), @pointedly-foolish (ASJKDJSAKSA MY DECHART HISTORIAN HOW U DOIN’?), @kyarymell, @connorswink,  @feralconnor, @justadweebwithashittydream, @heysliver, @negotiator-on-site, @marvelousmorales (is this thing still on *pats mic* anyweys im love u), @dizzypinwheel (ur husben still owes the chat recipes SKSKSKSK), @wrinkledparchment (it may sound redundant pero thank u for ur service), @blue--blushes (AHHH), @black-widow-fangirl (wig), @mattiekins, @layinglonely, @dragonempress123, @divadonadance1, @xyfanficarchive (hope you are living your life deliciously!!), @shorthawkes

[perseus-jacks]

tagged by @syndullastars​ thank you !! ♡

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? I want to say 7, but its probably more like a 4.5

describe yourself in a hashtag? #i’llsleepwheni’mdead (#overlycaffinated applies too) 

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? such a tough question... either Timothée chalamet or  Gavin Leatherwood 

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? biggest goofball in the town

what’s one thing people don’t know about you?  that I care waaaaaay too much about what others think 

what’s your wake up ritual? shower, brush teeth, wash face, get dressed, cook breakfast/make coffee and then read 

what’s your go to bed ritual? pick out clothes for the morning, brush teeth, wash face, write agenda for the upcoming day

what’s your favorite time of day? I would say late at night, like at 2am when im the only one up and I can already hear birds chirping outside my window.

your go to for having a good laugh? YouTube videos (commentaries, reviews, and even my fave books as vines) 

dream country to visit? Switzerland 

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my life isnt full of surprises, sadly.  I guess when I was able to live and study in Oxford for two days (I honestly didnt know if I could, it was a mess) 

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers

vintage or new? vintage for sure

who do you want to write your obituary? my sister 

style icon?  a mix of Cher from clueless and Monica Geller, with a hint of my sister’s style ( I draw my inspo from many people ok) 

what are three things you cannot live without?  friends, my books, my laptop

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? sugar

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my mom, my sister, and oddly enough,, van Gough (it would be interesting to share a meal/convo with him)

what’s your biggest fear in life? failing / not living up to my family’s expectations of me

window or aisle seat? Aisle. I love day dreaming while looking out the window, but the aisle is a matter of convince 

what’s your current tv obsession? Outer Banks, and I'm trying to get into Anne with an E too 

favorite app? Spotify, it houses all my music, and thus, a source of happiness. 

secret talent? I can quote every episode of Friends word for word

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? Spent my spring break in Spain 

how would you define yourself in three words? perceptive, passionate,   witty

favorite piece of clothing you own? My distressed Shawn Mendes tour T-shirt ( wear like 3 times a week) 

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a black turtle neck 

a superpower you would want? telepathy/compulsion

what’s inspiring you in life right now? writers and storytellers

best piece of advice you’ve received? sometimes the best thing to do is take risks without fear of the consequences 

best advice you’d give your teenage self? stop worrying so much about what others think and speak you mind always 

a book everyone should read? Jane Eyre 

what would you like to be remembered for? being a good friend

how do you define beauty? Beauty cant be defined. It's everywhere and in everyone. 

what do you love most about your body? My eyes

best way to take a rest/decompress? lounging around and reading with a coffee in hand, or cruising with the windows down with my friends/fam

favorite place to view art? the Met in nyc

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Smile 

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar 

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? a small crescent moon behind my ear or on the part of my hand that is in-between my thumb and index finger

dolphins or koalas? dolphins !!

what’s your spirit animal? an owl

best gift you’ve ever received? a pretty, vintage looking necklace 

best gift you’ve given? I made a friendship timecapsule for my friend when she moved away, and every two weeks or so she would tell me how it cheered her up

what’s your favorite board game?  monopoly 

what’s your favorite color? cornflower blue

least favorite color? burnt orange (sorry Peeta) 

diamond or pearls? diamonds 

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore, it does the job

pilates or yoga? hip-hop yoga

coffee or tea? coffee 

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? canoodle, moot

dark chocolate or milk chocolate?both stairs or elevators? stairs, i hate elevators

summer or winter? both

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? just the thought of that makes me tired of every single food in existence lol

a dessert you don’t like? anything fancy

a skill you’re working on mastering? life drawing and general storyboarding stuff, for school and career purposes

best thing to happen to you today? the clone wars finale :((((

worst thing to happen to you today? also the clone wars finale :((((

best compliment you’ve ever received? a few of my friends have told me that i always know exactly what to say, and that makes me happy bc i try very hard to understand them and be what they need so i’m glad it pays off

favorite smell? pine trees and snow on the air, but also sunscreen and the sea

hugs or kisses? hugs

if you made a documentary, what would it be about? the evolution and  highlights of reality tv; its fun to watch but has serious implications if you look closely enough

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? Wall-E

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? Jenna Coleman 

how do you know you’re in love? i’ve only been in love once and it was a very fledgling thing but it was like, they’re always on your mind, seeing them is like a thunderclap to your heart, you want to be near them and laugh with them, you constantly wonder what they think of you (like the littlest thing), you care about how they see you, time with them feels like nothing and everything 

a song you can listen to on repeat? Golden by Harry Styles + Dust Your Pocket by Glass Animals 

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? whoever is dating Gavin Leatherwood, I just want to know what thats like (even if its for a day)

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? Im excited for law school actually and moving out west

this is long so i’ll just tag a few: @maxons  @wizardra @vikingthors @oceanvs @thorne( feel free to ignore ofc ♡ )

[screechingtrashcalzonewombat]

"Apopalictic Astral Asending" Reavaluate disassociate my self worth...

The galaxies have birthed an uncontrollable being ....

I've feel as tho Ive seen myself split in two ..

Witch side do u wanna see if ur lucky I'll let you choose .

Cause in the end I loose..

One of hate one of love could both be from up above..

Or down below ...

I've began to show signs of delusions as half my mind goes an tells me it's only mild confusion. As my body fights my brain an heart to escape theys terrible illusions.

Yet the other half tries to start a fusion of body an mind an all the suddently my thoughts are no longer mine..

But a evil so Divine that its wound it's way threw time itself I've fealt the damage the energy dealt. I've yelped in anquish an pain been stuck for 7 long years in the rain with nothing to gain .. I can barely fathom to explain im not fully on earth I'm on another astral plane but i fear i flew out of my lane I've gone insane never wanted fame Ever fealt like bat man I mean oops Bruce Wayne. Nah fuck hes spoiled a wet rat infact I'm more like hulk duck when I'm near i wearly see I'm drowning inside my mind but no one can hear my dear I fear I've lost control again but cant compute I've been booted out of the system I've clawed hit an kicked to try to get to the top but i outta of known I've been ripped an thrown from my throne ive been shown what this beast can do but who woulda thought a demon bought my soul ..a jackal a goul.....you'll see me shift into numbness I suposse it was my own dumbness for being to open now cause of me my body an mind are broken an stole. as I weep an shutter an i try to speak but only stutter I found myself weak in defeat ....as ik this demon reaching its peak will plunder an pillage the town I've found I'm bound to this beast nowhere to run not north south or east I can run it will feast on my soul until the end of time ..

For diamonds cannot compare to the rarity of a soul nor a bowl of Ruby's an jems rolled in gold .....

A bold statement you say........

.. theres no ray of light here they stole it away buried it in your mind but how can u define being locked trapped in yourself ...

You've dealt your own fate ...

Wanting ansers u dint deserve ..

Did you like your just dessert's...no?

Dose it hurt ..... After you itll kill children's childhood freinds like bernie & eart ....whent bizzirk an bashed there brains makeing bloody rains

curking on everyone with cutlery forks an knifes* slice *cook big bird with chives after I've shanked him 900 times... 100 more woulda been devine serve him drink to dry alone cooked an ripped him to the bone but not quite alone u may not be home inside but u can still watch...I thought I taught u better than to close ur eyes dont beg or look surprised look away an I'll adopt another stray to do the same a slow sweet death cure's my hunger anyway

.the wines innocents blood bitter sweet to the taste of the tounge

no one thought it capable I seemed...looked ...so young..

They dint know it had just begun it wasn't me but the evil half committing crime with glee an fleeing repetavidly revealingly images to my mind of times & crimes so sickening I thought I'd die forever scetched seered into my mind .binded with no power as one towers over you using your power you cowar for how dose one define the disasbalment of there an every defined mind while ur inner demon dines on flesh making a mess of your vessel you cant even wrestle your way to the light to stay only break down in defeat that your so far away you've became an internal mess cant even stand on ur feet the beast has u chained in defeat u cry an apologize looking for answers as of how to stop.....an then...you hear a voice .." you outta stayed silent instead of talk back. U shouldn't of complained do u still think ur life used to be pain...... . Ur a sack of shit ur wit is less than that of an ant not to rant but I'm not done yet I have ur soul now I'm never letting go no no no I have plenty more so much to show many souls to reap an emotions to subdue after all u said yes.....

...did you forget ur the one who started this.

mess ......you dressed your mind with fantasy an fiction word to the wise never mess with other worldly friction an your itching for a way out but I doubt ull get there before the end of time .after all you had a devil an an angel on ur shoulder an you chose wrong this time. Only took 666 times but I'm patient an always waiting for 6 years hating an burning flesh waiting for a prayer a call after all Lucifer was once an angel an the most beautiful you just dint get to see from what angle he had beauty wrath an determination but u humans resulted in his isolation incarsorason. So now we will end up being humanity's enialation when were done there entire selves with evaporate for the demons have released self hate to pro create creatures in confidence we annihilate the fate of the human race at least the trace slight like us able to bust threw dementions so weve mentioned a start to find the inordinary soul an heart ......humanity was doomed from the start.. you stole our purpose our reason to be......humans sit in sin an glee.

Your humanitys Pride is overbearing never genuinely caring ..

Greed is sweeping the nation its reached ever state an it's got a hot heaping plate of corruption for mankind's consumption greed is grotesque in its steps of the darkest quest to corupt ur mind an want. .want..want until that's all you are is wanting more

Lusting over losely draped garments you've tarnished ur soul .

Envy of what you do not posses but for all you know that information an life would make you a mess but ud still test ur envious tendencies.....

Glutton glutton what have you gained it's not knowledge no for it's to plain rather glutton uve found a urge that wont go away....

Wrath an vengeance blood draw too no one stops till some dies him or you....

Sloth last but not least cant forget you cause uuuh wait what that fuck do u do....you sleep an sulk sit slither out of simple tasks an that's why ur not 1st no ur last like humanity just ask ....

So soon the day will draw near the the number 4 is what you should fear our dear old freinds were sending up for a visit so they can reddit ur fate for each a horse an a trait the first out the door with bow in hand riding a white horse with bow in hand

..

Conquest the start of the final test leading the restthere dark version of light on a white stallion he leads the way an soon will follow hades anyway.

War was next on a red steed he rode prepared to purge an quench new blood for the wars an battels would just begin brother against brother an close of kin witch to win?

Famine foe of all on a black horse with the courses hair so fair merely bone but dont let his appearance fool you hes for he is full devouring your greed taking away everything you want or need an now ur rationed to nearly starvation stretching farther than destination world wide sensation...

Pleage reaper of souls slowly apears steadly trotting riding a very sickly steed looking pale an almost gruesome green with sores an sickness best keep a distance. For he shall be the bringer of death an reap you all one by one to the four you shall fall...

Will you be spared are you true....

Are you happy with your life what did you do...?

Rapture no you still must die.....

Say good by to this earthy chapter theres so much more that manifest after.

But only your earthly husk must rust an fall your all energy of grate mass....

It's time to take the task of self evolvment an enjoy an enlightened installment

this world was just step wrench ur third eye wide open an accept the token of eternal life.

Grinded it to atoms a flash of dust all together ur a self fulfilling must memory pass u in a rush.....

. sudently ur bodysuit is gone ....

But it dint felt like it quite belonged.

You were 7 grams of light matter to be exact an sudently you've cracked the atmosphere ..steering energetic waves my metal psyche caves to the new information flying threw stars consolations.

Suddently speeding at the sound of light the stratosphere seems to disapear ..

My fear is gonewithout a trace an freedom transferred in its place

but am waved in infatuation to find out about out true destination...

Restoration of the soul the goal of a higher self being achieved as I crash into the sun 1500°

I feel a warmth like no other each being hues of light I might of missed earth if not I heard a voice but a mental push no need for speech just thinking it shall be done said by the the brightest in the sun.

Rejoice at last but ur journeys yet to pass ..

This is merely were you start ....

Our flames grew high with frantic waves not wanting to give up the new life we were just gave

Suddenly our flames grew dim as we felt a swirling deep from withn sudently the surface of the sun turned to tin an bent in a cracked an caved with itself our time an space sending us ascending in alignment the same assignment.

Because the sun has begun to change ina twisted way a black hole some could say.

As all of our astral beings were ripped an tore apart at the seams we all merged an formed one all knowing creative being an sudently everything I've know has little matter I'm past a point of human chatter i understand infinity the holy trinity I down in the milky way an experienced every life I've relived it twice I've spliced my genetics into over 2000 million beings I've seen good an bad in between experienced every tragedy to build my strength an studyd every thesis an theory thread an chain nearly drove my vessel insane even took knifes threw my veins in anger yet it failed I was just a trailer.ive seen love hate an anger

Comprehension compasing many others I have love an understanding past many beings there anger seems to brush by me cause I'm with 2000 souls an minds that have formed one to reach a state I can medidate in the milky way an force your negative away .

Our astral self has accumulated complete power an understanding by costuming to our full potential our old body's merely a rental.

Gentle at first then bursted into power showered in knowledge I know now much that I wondered before but now I want more an I've thought till I an 2000 shared beings head hurt cause my girth of knowledge will now never be enough it's tough cause now I must find .... how to ascend again but for now i must defend my vast mind defind crime ...?

Keeping 2000 vast voices locked away so I can focus an try to learn anyway leaning in to vast places is I the 1st 2nd or 3rd or other many plains I cant quiet place I'm traveling threw them all searching for everything I couldn't before .

This life isent like the countless other this life I like it has interesting teathers

I've surpass Angel's an there feathers an vison of a hawk.

I've surpass demonds and there demonic temping talk ..

I've walked on water as I was ripped apart an I felt my self rebuilt every cell of my being got hit with rods of power lightning not even myself can fight me god like abilities the universe as built in me theres ben a spiritual shift a tilt in me somthing generations of DNA sprawled out in a numerical display my old life experiences is the price I pay so that I can be god even if only for a day

I think I'll sit an think somewere in the outter spink of the universe I've cursed myself with knowledge an now I'm aware step into my astral space....

If you dare...

[1nn32dem0n5]

another day in gradschool

I am bored and sick. I have a viral infection that makes my head feel very large, so I blow the rest of the day off and go to the gym. I punch the bag, do my pushups, do my pull-ups and then run on the treadmill, in between these two young, gorgeous, red-cheeked undergrads. One is thick, like a sack of potatoes, but she is still shapely. She runs sprints. The other is small and much more aesthetically pleasing than her counterpart. They both smell nice. She runs at a constant pace, not sprints. I realize both are going faster than me, and I spend a few minutes trying to figure out if this is emasculating. I decide I don’t care since a more pressing issue takes precedence: a smell. The smell is me. Its as foul as it comes since I was wearing already dirty clothes, I was at the end of the workout, and earlier I didn’t wipe with quite enough toilet paper.  

I forced myself to not give a fuck. It was not easy. Im sure both of them had assholes and at one time birthed a molten stew of diarrhea. Not to mention the fact that every month their pussies drip with blood for days at a time. Who are they to judge me and my body odor? It's as natural as it gets. The more I thought about it the more I grew to love my foulness and be proud of it. Men aren't meant to be clean creatures, or at least I wasn’t meant to be. Human kind as a whole is dirty. We have to struggle every day with showers, clean clothes, brushing our teeth, makeup, hair and so on and so forth. And for what, just to be clean? Maybe we aren't meant to be clean. It's not natural to struggle so hard to maintain something. If it's natural it should be easy. Like fucking fat chicks.

Who the fuck knows? My thoughts drift often when I run, which is good because it keeps me distracted from how much I hate running. Body odor is one thing, but if I'm going down on a girl and I can smell shit, my cock will instantaneously wilt.

I come to, realize I am still running, and it's barely been 5 minutes. I look outside the window, and it hits me again. I have no clue where I am and how I got here. The fog sets in and for a brief moment I feel as thought my legs will become spaghetti that’s been cooked too long. Im worried that if I fall the two girls will laugh at me, or even worse, be concerned about me and gasp in shock, their faces twisted in horror, as my limp body is thrown backwards by the treadmill, and my face somehow is pinned in between the moving sandpaper-like part and the floor. I wonder if this will make them want to fuck me more or less. I wonder if they will keep contact with me after my face will be all deformed, spend months in the hospital to fix it, then fuck me out of pity, before I marry one of them because clearly I cannot ever do better with my fucked up face. I'll spend the rest of my life fighting off stares from strangers wondering how in the hell did I get that girl.

I wonder if they even notice my presence, or my smell? Maybe they don’t even realize I am here; that I am running next to them.

Who am I kidding? Of course they do. How could anyone not notice me?

ME!

I convince myself that passing out would play to my advantage, and as father Joe Riley once said it, I say it too: "fuck it!". I said it not aloud but in my mind, and I keep running without barely any flinch. If i pass out I'll pass out. If my heart, which was beating roughly 3 times a second, decides to explode in my chest then so fucking be it. I'll die here on this fucking treadmill, next to these young potato faced hoosierettes. Fuck the hoosiers truly. At least the last thing I'll smell is this cute one on the left as she freaks out. Hopefully she touches my face and in the process her boob grazes my body. That would be a good way to go. Maybe she will even give mouth to mouth. Imagine that, having a heart attack with a raging hard on, tenting up proudly, in the middle of a crowded gym. I hope I don’t shit myself. Statistically I will.  

A song I love comes on, and it reminds me of something pleasant. I start smiling to myself and I shadow box because i feel like it would give me a more mysterious look; the man bun and torn wife-beater had slipped my mind. I ran and ran like an idiot, bobbing around as the sonorous beats of black widow baby hammered away at my already unhinged eardrum. I almost passed out again when it was time to stop. It took a full 5 minutes to get my heart rate down from 180 to a more regular 100. Then the best thing happened on my way out of the gym. The gods blessed me, since at that exact moment this long-legged tall-girl with the shortest shorts and the most top-shelf ass walks in front of me. I will forever never take another elevator again. The spandex stretched with every step and you could almost make out the patterns on her panties. I knew in this moment that there was a God. I just wasn’t sure why he was being kind to me.

How does one get a girl like that? Just look at her. Her skin was so fair, and those legs stretched far beyond the heights I dared to raise my eyes to out of shame that someone is watching me and sees my uncontrollable lust. I could lay my face on that ass and all my trouble would dissolve away, because what do I care? It's hard to care about anything else when your face is pressed up against an ass as beautiful as this one. The stairs were my personal eternity. As we exited the gym I walked faster to get a side view of her. She was not pretty at all and I don’t even know why I expected otherwise. I've learned that if you want a truly pretty girl, the midwest is not the ideal place to look for them. They do have bodies chiseled out of marble and cornmeal, but almost none have the faces to go with em. NYC is far superior in this category, since rarely have I gone on a night of drinking in downtown and not fallen in love. How could you not? There is so much beauty in new york. And so much hideousness too. In the middle west they hope the tightness and stretchiness of the spandex will be enough to distract you from their potato faces. And they often do. More than once a day I see an ass I'd like to bury myself in, and spend my entire life there. Here was one moment.

I never understood this about myself. The extreme desires and attraction I feel for a woman's ass. Theres so little one can do to it: you can slap it, bite it, grope it, squeeze it and fuck it. There are second order processes like eat off it, draw it, take pictures of it, watch it jiggle, make it jiggle, watch it walk away, or run, or twerk, sneak, squat. And there are so many varieties: the flat ones you can power fuck into Odin, the fat ones you need to manually spread in order to touch cunt with cock, and all the infinity of sizes and angles in between. There is just so much you can do with an ass. Yet somehow, it just doesn’t feel like its enough. The desire is much too strong, almost as if I want to envelop myself in the squishy goodness of a well fed ass and cum all over it until its glistening with ounces and ounces of hot human cum. I want to bite into an ass and eat it. I want to be one with it. How sad it must be for men who are not ass men. The full womaninity of any woman is held up by a tiny piece of flimsy, cute patterned fabric, often embroidered with Victoria logo.  

I got home and I facebook stalked this one chick I went to high-school with who made a repulsive post about how she hates working full time because she cant spent enough time with her child. Here she is in a million pictures with her and what I can assume is her offspring, and her husband, and all I can think of is that night we snuck into the food court, blotto - when she was begging me to fuck her. I walked her home and got in bed with her that night. But I didn’t fuck her. Never understood why. Its like sometimes I am a complete fucking idiot. Who gets offered free, nice and young pussy, with legs akimbo, panting, begging for cock and who says says NO? Apparently 18 year old me does. What a broken child I was.

I think about the fat chick I was running next to, because the image of her sturdy thighs and ass is still burned into my lustful mind. I imagine what her pussy must have tasted like while she was crouching on my face. Would her ass cover my entire field of vision? Most likely yes. How horrible it would be if she just decided to hold me down, and shit on my face? I would be less powerless if a horse tried to ass fuck me. Yet still I wonder what her pussy would taste like. Would it be tight? Do thick females have tight pussies? Or is it just fat ones? I contemplate this as I drink the rest of the day, and do nothing else of substance. I write a few pages which I'm pretty sure are shit. People come by and I get stoned with them, but refuse their offer to go to the bars. There is nothing that brings me pleasure anymore. I just want to lay on my couch and die. I want a great big ass to park on my mouth, nose in pussy, as I gasp for air, dying, lungs filled with farts and grool.

Oh what a way to go.  

[justanoutlawfic]

Happy OQ Valentine’s Day!

So, this may be a complete wreck but I’d like to draw your attention to a few things before you read you’re present ;) 1. Im pretty sure I gave away my identity already because... 2. I’m working off my iPhone (it’s sad but it’s true lol) and... 3. Mobile Tumblr just refusesss to make things easy on me. 4. And also, I waited to write this last minute like most other things in my life. But aside from all that, I do hope you find even a tiny bit of enjoyment in this. Our beautiful sunken ship deserves a bit of light today ❤️ P.s. I’d love to write for you again in the future if you’re ever interested. HOPIN’ AND WISHIN’ AND PRAYIN’ (An Outlaw Queen fic) The shadows blanket the road this far out. They stretch from the tops of the evergreen trees and cast most of the road in darkness. Except for tonight, there are a few bright beams filtering down from the full moon in the sky. The only sounds come from the crickets and wildlife beyond the pines and it’s a solitary, lonely kind of peaceful. She’s made a habit out of coming here; slipping out just after Henry’s gone to sleep and spending a precious few hours hoping. Hoping for what, she isn’t quite sure. Maybe for the resolute acceptance of how things have turned out. For her heart to stop aching and move on already. Sometimes even, she’s loathe to admit, she wishes for a freak accident that would take Marian away and right the universe again. But mostly, she hopes he’ll appear out of thin air, grinning how he does, as he steps back into Storybrooke and into her life. She knows it won’t happen, that he might as well be in another realm altogether. She understands why he’s gone, respects it even, but it doesn’t keep her from peering out down the road and wondering where on the other side he could be tonight. The pavement is cool beneath her thin slacks but she likes sitting at the very edge where she can pretend the red line in front of her crossed legs is the only barrier keeping them apart. As if the two of them sit apart, the protection spell a curtain that only need be pulled back and they’d be face to face. She lifts the flask next to her and the moon beams off its shiny surface as she indulges in another sip. She’s not drunk, but the alcohol numbs things just enough, blurs the edges so she doesn’t actually cry. And it would be all to easy to let herself embrace her emotions and sob in self pity. He was supposed to be her second chance; her redemption for the awful woman she’d been—and he was, for however brief a time. His integrity made her better. His morals brought her back to that seventeen year old girl she once was. Just “Regina”, not “Her Majesty” or “The Evil Queen”. He saw the real Regina under all those layers of guilt and anger and regret. And perhaps what makes her feel more despondent than anything is that she’ll never get a third chance. She got so unexpectedly lucky with Robin. She didn’t deserve him to begin with, but only he could have been her soulmate. Only he could understand every sordid detail of her past and still have the audacity to not only love her, but choose her. Regina runs a hand through the front of her dark hair as she sighs. She misses him. She misses having another person unconditionally in her corner, misses not always feeling like the third wheel, misses the smell of damp earth and aged redwood. She wants to scream to the heavens, or this “author”, or whatever higher power there might be that it’s so unfair! Only she knows damn well how fair her pain is; how cosmic and condemned her story has read. It’s her punishment for choosing revenge when she could have chosen forgiveness. Daniel’s death was the great catalyst of her life. And while she knows there are many who let their grief morph into hatred, there had been another way. It would have been harder, maybe taken longer, but she might have come out the other side a better person; a hero. She won’t make that mistake again. While it feels just as bad as it had years ago, even worse actually; she cannot tarnish what Robin stood for, just to try to ease the ache. If anyone was undeserving, it was that man. He had made mistakes the same as any of them, sure, but he worked for his redemption. Robin had found a way to do what she never could. He turned his pain into purpose. A purpose full of love and selflessness and renewal. And now he’s been hurt once more, entangled in the web of her retribution; collateral damage for the penance she was paying. He had not known just what loving the Evil Queen would cost him, even if she had truly made a change. Yet, he had opted to accept the shit hand he was dealt and if only it weren’t for her he wouldn’t be hurting because of it. He might even be overjoyed to have his late wife back; his family reunited. She prays for that as she slowly pushes herself to her feet now. She decides it’s the only thing she can do to wish him well, Marian too. If only she could have granted him a memory spell before he’d gone so he could forget about the wreckage she’d brought into his heart. Of course, her thief would never have taken the easy way out. And Regina can’t help but to hold on to the thought of him remembering her, remembering the true, sacred, magical connection they shared. She suddenly has to lift her fingers to her face to brush away an errant tear. She will not feel sorry for herself, at least not anymore tonight. Staring out down the still, vacant road out of Storybrooke, she sniffles and squares her shoulders to reign in her emotions and she hopes above all else that Robin finds the kind of happiness she knows he deserves. This chapter of her story is closing, and she needs to let the dust settle on the pages and find a way to move on. If her heart is going to take it’s time mending, then she must stop her late night visits. She has a son at home and new, delicate friendships, and a town that seems forever under threat, and a population of people who she owes debts so great she may never repay them. But she must try. She turns on her heel and heads back to her silver benz parked just off the shoulder, opens the door and gives one last, longing gaze down the vacant road. In her mind, the protected barrier shimmers and parts and her handsome thief appears, Roland at his side, tiny hand clutched in his. Regina abandons the door, unconsciously letting her feet carry her forward a few paces. She let’s her eyes slip closed and smiles wide with the image of them behind her lids. “Regina”, he says. And it’s not until she reopens her eyes that it occurs to her the tone of his voice had not been quite right. “Regina!” As if awaking from a dream, her focus snaps back to reality and he’s still in front of her, rushing towards her more accurately, his arms outstretched. The the next moment she can feel him against her chest, can smell his woodsy scent right under her nose. “Oh thank God, Regina!”, he nearly cries in relief and it’s all she can do to catch her brain up to what’s happening. Maybe she’d had more to drink than she thought? He pulls out of the embrace, but doesn’t completely withdraw his touch. He must have sensed her shock, perhaps too overwhelmed to see her to notice she didn’t hug back. “Regina?” Her eyes scan over his body, willing herself to believe it’s really him, but they land instead on the dimple faced child grinning up at her. “Gina! We come to visit you!”, his little voice hits her ears and she raises her eyes back to Robin’s anxious gaze. The acceptance breaks around her and she throws her arms around his neck, afraid he might disappear. “Robin!” It’s the only thing she manages to say while she’s this overcome with emotions. He holds her back, just as tight and whispers her name quietly against her head and she finally finds her voice. “Wha—why—what are you doing here?”, she breathes in disbelief. Her hand falls to Roland’s head below and caresses his locks to finally acknowledge him, but she needs to grasp her current reality before she makes a fool of herself. “It’s Zelena”, he tells her with a bit of disdain, ���We’re all in danger. I had to come back to warn you all, to help fight” He glances down at his now frightened son and lifts him into his right hip for a soothing hug while Regina blinks in confusion. “What are you talking about? Where is Mari—“ “We can’t talk about it now”, he cuts her off urgently, gesturing with a discreet nod to the boy in his arms. “Listen, I promise I will explain everything later. But we don’t have a lot of time to gather the others and make a plan”. He slides a gentle hand down her arm as if to assure her it’ll be alright despite his ominous warning. Roland wiggles in his grasp and his father sets him on his feet a moment before he bounds off a yard or two and squats down to examine a rock on the pavement. “I’m just so happy to see you, Regina”, Robin cups her cheek in his chilled palm, “didn’t think I would again”. His words rush off his tongue before his lips are pressed to hers, desperate and needy, fueled by the current perils only he knows they face and his all consuming love for her. It is a reunion kiss that can only come from resolutely believing they’d be separated permanently. Regina responds with all the heart she can muster, their lips moving fluidly together as if the last few weeks had not eclipsed. When they finally break for air they are both grinning like fools, foreheads resting together as their breathing falls in sync, and she swears she suddenly feels whole again, as if her arm had been missing and has just now been returned. She lets the feeling wash over her, soaks it in selfishly for a minute because she knows how fleeting this absolute contentment is now. There are still a thousand questions running through her head, a dark cloud churning and billowing over their little town and every life in it, but with Robin’s hand in her own things feel possible. She tightens her grip and they start toward her car, ushering Roland away from his picture in the dirt as they go. They let their hands slip apart to round the car and Robin opens the back so Roland can hop inside excitedly, insisting that he’s mastered belting himself in. Once he’s safely buckled and shut in, Robin pulls his handle but catches Regina’s eyes over the hood. They both have a flurry of emotions hidden in their expressions, but one sticks out above them all and Regina knows this one to be the only true importance in the world. “I love you”, Robin declares, the lines around his eyes wrinkled from the joy on his face. Her chest swells with such happiness that her dark eyes moisten with tears and she doesn’t care that her voice cracks when she finally speaks the words herself. “I love you”. Fin

[beanabouttown]

do you have any super fluffy flinthamilton fic recs? its one of /those/ days

do i EVER (yes, yes i do) 

super fuffy fic rec list down below! (since you said flinthamilton i have only included james/thomas fic, but let me know if you want some fluffy flinthamiltons fic and i can direct you towards some good stuff!) 

Like a ghost. by LittleHouseMouse

It’s the first morning on the plantation after the reunion and Thomas Hamilton is awoken by a sound.

it’s short but sweet and im always here for fic about the first time james and thomas wake up together after the reunion 

I Want To Take Care Of You by Magnetism_bind

James is ill and Thomas just wants to look after him.

post-reunion fluff! flashback to london-era fluff! this fic just makes me happy, and it’s got thomas reading to james, which is always a good thing

Moments by TheAssassinsGhost

“'I can’t believe the days turned into years. I hate to see the moments disappear…‘”

15,743 words, 4 chapters, one of my all-time favourites! various snap-shots into james and thomas’ life after leaving the plantation 

Reorienting by Palebluedot

“Thomas grabs ahold of his holy apparition with both hands and keeps him there, draws him nearer. Let them hold each other until they both bruise, he thinks fiercely, for tenderness needn’t always step light. Love owes them kind wounds.” 

this fucking fic - it’s one of those ‘oh god this is the best fic i’ve read in weeks’ fics. im going to rec a lot of audrey’s fics and they are all as good as this one

Too Fondly to be Fearful by Palebluedot

“A hint of youthful mischief blooms in Thomas’s crow’s-feet as he brushes their toes together beneath the bedcovers. 

“Fancy a moment’s fresh air?”James grins. 

Outside, the scent of the roses hangs heavy as perfume, mixes sweet with every breath of cool night breeze. Thomas settles next to him on the step, barefoot and smiling, his arm warm around James’s waist.” 

james and thomas stargazing in the middle of the night, post-reunion. it’s fucking beautiful and i love it so much 

Things That Grow by Palebluedot

“Weeding, pruning, watering – though the tasks seem never-ending, it’s pleasant, welcome labor, working at a gentle pace, James’s voice as constant as the sun on his back, the sweetness of the roses he tends.

~+~+~+~+~

Something of a companion piece to “Too Fondly to be Fearful,” but can easily be read separately.”

james reading to thomas! happy post-reunion fluff! 

Pathos and Logos by Palebluedot

He should have been on his way ten lost minutes ago. With a sigh, with a parting kiss to the corner of Thomas’s mouth, James at last rises, and the sheets wind tight around his legs. The mattress dips behind him just as his feet brush the floor, and unseen fingers loosely encircle his wrist, keep him perched on the edge of the bed just long enough for a clinging shadow to press against his back, hold him fast about the waist.

“Stay a moment longer,” comes the sweet whisper in his ear.

happy London-era fluff - thomas trying to stop james leaving the bed. the first day this fic was posted i read it something like ten times 

Tactile by Palebluedot

“When Thomas opens his eyes, they stare and stare and seem to shine. “I wondered often how this might look,” he murmurs, pushing an errant lock behind James’s ear, fingers tracing over the shell. He looks down at James, adoration writ plain across his face, warm as the candlelight, and this is all still so strange to James, so new.

~+~+~+~

Inspired by bean-about-townn’s post: “Imagine the first time Thomas sees James’ hair out of its ribbon” and a related conversation with blanketed_in_stars.”

okay basically i should just say at this point that audrey (@brightbluedot) is the queen of fluff

Homecoming by Palebluedot

“That smile grows, and Thomas shall never find the strength to disentangle himself now, so he holds on all the tighter – three months, three months stranded with only the memory of James’s face, God only knows how he survived. But no matter. Now that he’s home, Thomas intends nothing less than to reclaim each and every intimacy the sea stole from them.”

look. if you just ignore the fact that thomas is taken away to bethlem right after this, it’s the fluffiest fic you are ever going to read in your life. 

…but if you read it with that in mind, then it will break your heart. so be warned!

Something Old by Palebluedot 

““Do you remember the first time I brought you home for Christmas?”

“The only time, you mean.”

Thomas grins, eyes sparkling with a fondness James doesn’t recall that battlefield of a holiday deserving. “Fifteen years later, that’s still one of my favorite memories of you.””

modern au fluff after james and thomas get married! 

Eye of the Beholder by Palebluedot

“Open your eyes for me, love,” Thomas reminds him, voice husky, and when he does, the first thing he sees is Thomas’s reflected grin, hungry as the gaze that caresses every inch of skin from James’s parted, panting lips down to his flushed and leaking cock. “Just look at you,” he sighs in James’s ear before he trails imprecise, open-mouthed kisses back down to James’s throat.

~~~

alternatively, that time bean was like “so what if they fucked in front of a mirror” and I was like “shit what if they DID”

i still maintain that this 100% happened at least once. (porn. really, really amazingly written porn. and so very fluffy) 

A Stranger at his Door by theflowercrownedking

“Silver comes looking for Flint. Thomas answers the door.” 

not one for fans of silver, and i fucking love it. thomas is clever, thomas isn’t expected to forgive silver for selling james into slavery and leaving them both in the plantation, and it ends with james and thomas snuggled up together in bed. what’s not to love? (i saw this fic just when i went to go through my bookmarks on ao3 to make this list, and im gonna be honest with you anon, i read it twice through before i could get back to putting together these recs)

Keeping him Safe by theflowercrownedking

“In which James manages to keep his werewolf nature a secret, right up until the moment he has a nightmare and shifts in Thomas’ arms.” 

i mean there’s some angst when it changes to james’ pov, but thomas, as always, is a ray of sunshine who illuminates james’ tragic life and it’s beautiful 

The Throes of Fever by theflowercrownedking

“In which James is feverishly sick, and convinced Thomas is an angel sent to care for him.” 

…i went to try and find a quote to put here to show how wonderful this fic is, but. it was all so good i couldn’t pick a single thing, which means you will just have to take my word for it!

Cache of Gems: Tumblr Ficlets by AstronautSquid

“An ongoing collection of the occasional short scenes I write for tumblr.

Varying ratings, check the chapter title!” 

second chapter is brilliant porn, but the first chapter is fluff and i love it so much - and only partly bc it’s a little bit my fault 

i am absolutely happy to read fic of James just staring at the back of Thomas’ head for an hour. who isn’t?? 

kinky nsfw ficlet 1 by @complaininginthedark

Anonymous asked: for the kink thing - cockwarming, if youre into it? your writing is amazing btw

aaahhhhh thank you so much!!!! I’ve already played with the idea of cock warming for these two simply because I think James is a little touch starved most of the time and is easily overwhelmed and needs grounding a lot. So here is my take on it.

it’s so very fluffy and i love it 

“I’ll keep you safe” by @complaininginthedark

bean-about-townn asked: ooh, 66 (“I’ll keep you safe”) for flinthamilton, which would. also be great for aftercare after the reunion (sorry im obsessed with the concept now. ur last fic was too good i can’t stop thinking about it)

aaaaaaaaah i prompted this and it’s still one of my favourite bits of writing in the fandom 

Vulnerable by khazadspoon

James needed to feel the sharp sting of his hand, the bite of his teeth, the grip of ropes at his hands and feet.

And Thomas would do anything, anything, to give James peace. Even if that peace was brought through pain.

– Post series, Thomas takes care of James after a rough night. Aftercare and comfort because I love these two too much –

it’s so fluffy and beautiful and it’s one of my all time favourites. no explicit sex, though the implication is there

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! by NahaFlowers

It’s snowing outside and Thomas wants to go out and play in the snow, despite it being the dead of night. James’s protests are feeble at best - he can’t deny this man anything. Just cute fluff. Written for penflicks on Tumblr.

look. let’s be realistic. it doesn’t get much fluffier than thomas carrying james to bed 

Till Death Us Do Part by Palebluedot

And there’s that ache, and there’s that sweetness, and lord, James really would swear in the eyes of God that he cannot bear to live without him, wouldn’t he?

~+~+~+~

Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder: a triptych.

james thinking about marriage in london, nassau, and after the reunion. the first and third parts are the fluffiest fluff ever to fluff, but the middle will break your heart in the best way 

Something like Home by enthugger

Sober, James thinks that Thomas Hamilton is brilliant. He is safe and warm and his presence is a soft glow that brightens the ridged structure of James’ mind. Drunk, he believes that Thomas should own the goddamn world.

imagine me making a sound akin to the sound one makes when seeing a particularly adorable kitten, and you’ll get an accurate idea of my reaction to this fic 

you are a constellation by ohCaptain (AngryPirateHusbands)

fluffy porn about thomas appreciating james’ freckles, absolutely lovely! 

im sure there’s more but im tired now. i hope your day gets better soon anon!

[georgielou-50913]

It’s tuesday, just gone 12.30.... so i guess its now wednesday.

Why am i here again, why am i feeling this again. it really never goes away.

Doesnt matter how many times luke promises it will get better, it never does. i always find myself here, sitting here, listening to sad music. 

just recently, the past couple of days, ive been missing rosie. god so much. my best friend, ive brought her up a couple of times to luke, he doesnt really talk about it. i dont wanna pester him with it. but it would be nice to talk, sometimes.

ive been looking at old pictures... it hurts more. looking at her old instagram. im pretty sure shes blocked me on facebook now, or shes deactivated it for good. my messages dont go through on messenger, maybe she broke her phone? maybe she changed facebooks, maybe she DID block me. that hurts even more to think about. 

why am i only just feeling this. after so many months. almost 5 months. and im only just feeling this heartbreak. i should have felt like this long ago. maybe i was mad.  i shouldnt of been mad... its too late now.. nothing i can do.

i should be happy. i have an amazing boyfriend, who does everything he can for me, and he gets the anger and built up shit i throw at him. i dont mean to, im just so lost.  ......so so so so lost, so many thoughts going through my head right now. its so late, i should be asleep. but i dont feel tired. Trying to stop myself from walking out of this house and going for a walk. that would be dangerous right now. its very dark, and lonely outside... and luke would be mad.

getting through the week is hard. monday to friday. same old crap each week. waiting to be saved by him again. the week gets progressively harder. each day, nights especially. ive fucked up my sleeping pattern again by sleeping away the whole of monday to make it pass quicker. sleeping is easy. i dont have to deal with it. luke didnt stay long though. 

ive gained so much weight, which i believe is due to how bad my depression is, i drank more sugar and ate to pass the time. now im so much bigger than ive ever been. its fixable. but theres no motivation.  you cant do anthing without the correct motivation.  my birthday is in a couple of weeks, on the 31st.

am i looking forward to it? i cant say no, a whole day at the zoo with luke,,, ofcourse thats exciting, but i dont want it to fly past because we have a whole week together too. i just cannot wait to be around him the whole week. 

loneliness plays a huge part in my depression, i wold always be called up to go hang out with rosie, even if that meant sitting there on our phones in complete silence. company. with the person i gave all my love to at that point in time. then luke came along, i didnt expect us to drift so much. so much changed. ......ive just reached out to hannah, my old best friend. ive asked if she wants to meet. so i will see where this goes. it may end up with her ignoring me. but we will see i suppose. i dont really care either way, i wish rosie would get in contact, but she wont. 

where do i go from here. my job wont give me any work... i know for a fact i wont get any payment this month from work. im dreading it. i know i will be homeless. and then what. luke keeps saying dont worry, but how can i not. think about it. 

I survived once. i went through a stillborn, i handled it. i went into a deep depression, i slept for 2 weeks straight. then something clicked, and i said no. this is not me, this is not who i am. i am better than this. i didnt get this far to give up now. i woke up that 3rd week, told myself i can do it, depression has been my enemy my whole life. what would she be thinking, what would grandad be thinking.. they would be so dissapointed, im being so weak. i had just lost a baby. and on the 3rd week i got up, brushed it off. dressed up, went to town with my friends and smiled, like a big fuck you to the piece of shit who put me there, for the last time. it took me a couple of days, and i went and got a job.  i pulled myself right up and changed my life. i lost weight again, i was happy. after the worst possible thing in my life happened. i still got up. 

whats different now?  why am i not getting up.  whats  changed....

i cant even answer that. i dont know. 

it like ive lost a section of myself. like im not able to stand anymore.

in my head i picture everything i want to do. i want to just put my middle finger up to my current boss and tell them where to go. then go and find a new job as quickly as possible, start the job. start drawing again, go join the gym, lose weight. meet new people. build a stronger relationship with luke. move out. be happy. 

in the end, all i want is to be happy.