#im truly terrible with sharp objects

[maxellminidisc]

Might experiment and buy an e filer to really clean up and smooth out the first gunpla kit I built cause my sanding by hand suuuuckss

[ukeishin]

— friends forever and ever and ever

note: im impatient so im posting rn 😁 but i’ve been having a lot of hinata thoughts lately. pls let me know what you thought of this!! i’d love to know :)

ft. hinata shoyo

warning: angst, hanahaki disease, unrequited love, blood

⤷ main page

You had no one to blame but yourself for your current predicament.

Your waste bin overflowing, your desk in total disarray, and your floor a mess as well.

Then again, it wasn’t like you intended to fall for Hinata, you muse, picking up one of the red-tinged petals you coughed up only moments ago. Using the sleeve of your sweatshirt, you carefully wipe off the blood that’s collected at the corner of your mouth. You grimace when you pull your arm away from your lips and see how crimson now stains the material of your sweatshirt. You’ll have to toss it into the wash later with all of your other blood-stained clothing.

The wooden frame of your bed digs into your back as you lean your head against your mattress. You wince at the sharp pain in your chest when you accidentally take a deep breath and begin to shallow your breathing so as to not further aggravate the flowers blooming in your lungs. Pity how something so beautiful only grows in such unfortunate circumstances. If you didn’t feel like absolute shit at the moment, perhaps you’d be able to admire it.

Hanahaki disease. The physical manifestation of unrequited love.

What a load of shit.

It’s rather dramatic in your opinion, and quite frankly rude. How dare your body betray your true feelings when the object of your affections so clearly does not feel the same way?

A tired grin crosses your face at the thought of Hinata: the man who’s been one of your closest friends ever since high school. Reflecting back, it was truly only a matter of time before you fell for him. While the two of you attended Karasuno, you were able to chalk up your feelings to those of friendship, but as time progressed, they evolved and soon enough morphed into romantic ones.

In high school, you successfully fooled yourself into believing your feelings were platonic.

At the time, Hinata was strictly your friend. You weren’t blind, you could appreciate that he was cute, in a boyish sort of way, but you were more preoccupied with things you deemed more important: schoolwork, managerial duties for the boys' volleyball team, and worries about your future.

But Hinata had somehow inserted himself in your life and stuck.

He was hopeless in school and the moment he found out that you scored relatively well in comparison to him, he begged you to tutor him. You were a bit skeptical at first, but you eventually relented. You were pleasantly surprised to find that Hinata was eager to learn the material and attentively listened to what you had to say, even if it was only because passing his exams was the only way for him to attend the Tokyo training camp.

You admired Hinata's tenacity and often stayed behind after practice had ended in the gymnasium to help him run drills over and over. He was determined to be the best he could be, and you didn’t mind helping him achieve his goals even if you weren’t exactly well-versed in volleyball. He would seek out your input and if you had any critiques or advice for him, Hinata would take it to heart and incorporate it into his next play.

Soon you began to spend time together outside of tutoring sessions and volleyball practices. You’d hang out with Natsu together and indulge in her whims and desires: weaving friendship bracelets, painting rocks, playing volleyball, and more. Your presence in the Hinata household became normalized, to the point where you could show up at their front door unannounced, and Natsu would simply throw the door open and exclaim, “big sibling!”

You’ve always been the greatest of friends so you’re not entirely sure when the change occurred.

Maybe it was when he left for Brazil. While Hinata was continents away playing volleyball, you remained in Japan attending university. It was easy to distract yourself with schoolwork and internships, but at the end of the day, you missed Hinata terribly. You two did your best to keep in contact with text messages and facetime, but with the time difference, it was difficult. It wasn’t the same and no amount of homework could fill that Hinata-shaped void in your life.

Up until that point, you didn’t realize just how much Hinata had weaseled his way into your life. It wasn’t like your life had ever revolved solely around Hinata, but you had grown accustomed to his presence. No matter what, you could always count on him to be there for you with a bright smile and some silly, but encouraging words.

It was when Hinata returned from Brazil after two years abroad that you realized you were completely and utterly fucked.

He had grown into himself in more ways than one. He carried himself with more confidence than he did before and his features weren’t cute in a boyish way anymore. He had matured and to put it bluntly, Hinata got fucking hot. His skin was sun-kissed, a beautiful golden tan, and he had grown a few inches taller in his time away. The muscles that lie right underneath his skin were strong and corded, and it didn’t go unnoticed how the muscles in his thighs were especially prominent. There was no doubt that Hinata had changed greatly in his time spent in Brazil, but then again, some things never really change. He still had that same old grin, which would brighten your day no matter the circumstances.

The two of you were able to pick up your friendship right where it left off.

That’s when the flowers had started to bloom.

You were unlucky even in comparison to others who suffered from Hanahaki disease. Most of the time, the growth of the flowers in one’s lungs would be gradual. However, in your case, it was accelerated. The first time you experienced a coughing fit, you filled your waste bin to the brim with bloodied petals.

You suppose it was because the realization that you were in love with Hinata had hit you like a freight train.

You did your best to conceal that you had Hanahaki disease. It would do no good to worry anyone with it, especially Hinata. Being in love with someone who didn’t love you was one thing. Being in love with an idiot who didn’t love you was another. If Hinata learned that you had Hanahaki, his first question would be “Who’s responsible?” and it would take everything within you to not scream that it was him.

So you crafted the perfect facade. You would plaster on a smile in front of others and act like everything was completely okay even if behind closed doors, blood-soaked petals were beginning to pile up. If anybody seemed to suspect something was amiss, you would wave aside their concerns and assure them that you were just feeling a little under the weather.

It hurt that Hinata didn’t love you back, but what hurt most was that he didn’t love someone else. There was no other person that was the object of his affections. There was no one that you could blame and point to as the reason why Hinata didn’t love you in return. The fact that Hinata just didn’t see you in any other way than a friend hurt more than the flowers killing you.

Alstroemerias. Those were the flowers that were filling up your lungs. A hollow laugh filled the air when you looked up the meaning of them: friendship. How cruel of the world to make the flowers blooming in your lungs represent the only relationship you would ever have with Hinata.

But, you’d rather have Hinata as a friend than not at all.

So you take care to maintain the smile that’s beginning to strain and ignore the sharp pain in your chest when Hinata tells you that you’re the best friend he could ever have.

[marshmallowprotection]

Um YES i want some fresh nerd?? Who doesnt lmao

1. "Saeyoung will not hesitate to do PDA."

Do I even have to say it? No? Well, too bad, I need to release some of the creative energy the powers my dangerously active imagination.

I'd be putty in this nerd's hands so fast. Just give me a really nice, long, warm, comfy hug and I'd melt. But we all know that's the bare minimum. I like to tease people too, in particular I like to shower them with compliments until they don't know what to do with themselves, and, in writing, I also like to prompt people's imaginations in a direction that'll leave them red in the face for one reason or another. It's one of the reasons I ended Cuter Than Kittens on a suggestive tone and didn't even give the reader the satisfaction of a kiss. It was an almost-kiss. And I thrive on thinking about how that must frustrate people, because not only does it allow them to use their imaginations freely (hehe), but it likely leaves them wanting more.

But Saeyoung has far more confidence and, evidently, a much stronger drive than I do, and his desire to tease and poke fun is broader than mine is. I'm too easy flustered, and I'm all for giving him the reigns, so to speak, in that part of the relationship, at least at first, until I'm not so deep in that panicky "am i doing this right??" zone. Dont get me wrong, I'm well aware that Saeyoung doesn't have experience in relationships either, but his confidence (or portrayal of confidence) is enough for me to give into that feeling of "he knows what he's doing in this area."

This is already way longer than I meant it to be lol. Whoops. But anyways.

Just because I "give in" doesn't mean there won't be moments where I shy away from the affection, mostly likely because I truly am nervous or something, but if the nervousness is more surface-level, I can see myself turning it into a little giggly game of "nope, uh-uh, im not letting u kiss me~ hehe" because thats just what i naturally turn to -- making a situation lighthearted, either in hopes of giving the other person confidence or myself.

Goodness gracious, I'll move on now lol.

2. "He loves to hear you laugh."

And his laugh makes my heart flutter every time I hear it, whether it's geniune or silly or whatever. Damn Saeyoung just makes me- ugh. I can't with him. Too cute. He's too cute.

3. "He loves to hear you talk about your day."

We've covered this already. 12/10 score. He's already halfway to my heart with this alone. Im weak ok

4. The cooking one.

I can't cook for the life of me so I guess we'll both starve.

Lol fr tho it would be fun to learn stuff together! ^^ Although I should probably steer clear of the kitchen for the most part because lets be honest im a hazard lol, ive had so many accidents with sharp objects its not even funny no its kinda funny

5. Time management.

Welp, either we both just have absolutely terrible schedules and are impulsive little bastards or we're both gonna have to suck it up and keep each other in check/accountable lmao

6. "Saeyoung takes so many photos of you."

Hdvdjwvejebj same tho. When i like something and find it pretty/photogenic, such as certain plants/environments or my cat, Katie (my camera roll is FILLED with pics of her omg she is so pretty and she knows it; i call her "pretty girl" and "princess" all the time), i will take a photo any chance i get. We'll end up with like, this one photo i have of that ex-friend where we took pics of each other right at the same time lolol

His face is so perfect like- i need some way to stare at him when he's not there hehe

7. Meowy.

I freaking love Meowy. Wonder how a real cat would react to her though...

8. Surpises kisses.

Colour me red cos i be dead im sorry

9. "He purposefully dresses up in costumes knowing what you like."

.... maid seven

Although I'd never tell him. He'd have to figure it out, which we all know he would in one way or another.

Also i literally started writing something like this yesterday lol. Its quite a bit spicy hehe >w>

[417]

Someone loves Saeyoung, don't they? Huh? I'm glad that it sparked an unbridled urge to speak about the cutiepie. He can torment you and he will torment you so, remember that you signed up for that. He won't pull your hair too much, he just loves to push your buttons. Don't worry, Saeran and Vanderwood won't let you die in the kitchen.

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode 15: "congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!” - Jules

congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!

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JIOFEOJIFEWOJIWOJI THAT SOUNDS SO BITTER BUT DYLAN SIR U HANDED HER THE GAME! HANDED IT TO HER! GOD! and its what she deserves!

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anyways. let it be known this was NOT MY FAULT.

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let the record show, before last night's tribal, I SAID SOMETHING WAS NOT SITTING RIGHT WITH MY SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!! AND???? what happened. look what happened.

Vocaroo

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still practicing my slide puzzles WJIJIEFIJWJIFIFWJEJWIEEJWIF

OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME!!!

this final 4 is absolutely amazing and i literally love all of them so much, but that just makes things 10x worse. i think that playing my idol on daisy was a huge risk and the fact that it is now a final 2 makes things a bit more interesting. my ideal plan was to have daisy in the final 4 with me so that i wouldnt be the next target, but now that she won immunity it just didnt work out how i intended at all!!

voting out jules and szymon is purely going to come down to which one of them will sway my way and it's going to hurt to send one of them to jury no matter what, but i just feel like i came all this way and not making top 3 would just suck so badly. so yeah, this sucks. i hate that no matter what i do im going to be upsetting people and hurting feelings but... i guess that's just the game! at this point im not even sure if i can win against daisy but it seems like she will take me, it just depends on whether or not i stay loyal to her if i win FIC or if i take whoever is with me in final 3.

much to think about, BUT I JUST CANT BELIEVE I MADE IT THIS FAR !!!!

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Jules is voted out 3-1. She becomes the 8th member of our jury.

Watch the Cast Assessment take place below:

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Szymon is voted out by Daisy. He becomes the final member of our jury.

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idk thought this would be cute to include my voting log and stuff hehe <3 https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RiA0RUWX4TRpqBTgRzLJJ3fHu2jBqZ-bCJozFd3HcRs/edit?usp=sharing

Jules: https://youtu.be/6zKeJuOJKeY 

https://youtu.be/5dV_-X6Rv2U

https://youtu.be/N5tnq-4QAT8

someone (zach) asked me to rank the jurors from nicest to meanest...so here we go. ily all <3 <3

1. seamus (this will def come as a surprise, but seamus was the most levelheaded and nice one on the jury. he really never made a bitter comment even though he had every right to, especially at me/daisy/dylan and really anyone who was in after him except chips. like. he was the only person to reach out in pms after and it was immediate, he really comforted me and i really admire men who can have like good relationship w/ women that are platonic??? i know he's been like terrible in the past and i did call him on some stuff in hydravivor and ill be the FIRST to admit that i called him a crackhead on a daily basis but i think he's grown a lot!!!!!! idk. i think he's also the MOST self aware!!!! im a seamus stan, what about it?)

2. brandan (while brandan was kinda irrelevant game wise this season -- but not in our hearts -- he was very objective and a peacemaker. he had good reason to be MIA too so the fact that he got as far as he did means to me that he did form some strong social connections. and he did!!! with me, i think w/ conor, so idk, he had a role like i did in the game imo. i really liked him and he really brought a fresh perspective on things!!!)

3. szymon (he's only not ranked higher bc he's pissed off rob and he stands his ground a lot more outwardly than the first two, at least in the jury chat. also he's not had as much time as a juror. but even then, i think szymon is not a bad guy like some of the ppl make him out to be. like, idk, i think he made a mistake on a game level and he even admitted it and idk he's a legend. truly. im so glad to have met him and i think he was a really nice juror to have around while he was ACTUALLY around bc he stood up for me/daisy the way seamus did)

4. lovelis (lovelis makes some pointed comments but.....he's not dumb at all and so i don't think he's been bitter. also his pointed comments have been funny and mostly radiating the energy of the other Bitter Jurors so idk. i really like him on a personal level as well and have for a while so idk. i dont KNOW KNOW him but he's never been the type to make harsh comments without them having some merit to them. so i kinda trust his judgement even though he wasnt in the game long/an early merge boot. idk i think he's open minded enough and he's also someone who admits when he's done a Lil Too Much but he's really lovely. just competitive.)

5. chips (i dont think chips is MEAN per se, in fact, i dont think he has a mean bone in his body on a personal level. like WFIJFJIFWE I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY IT HES SO FUCKING NICE!!!!!!! but thats why it's so funny to see him in games bc he's a lil lying, a lil backstabby and sometimes he's a lil passive aggressive. but its not undeserved. its also a pisces thing WEFJIEIEJWEFJIWEF i think what i saw in the jury house was sometimes chips going along w/ things, but i dont know, i really do not know much about chips game and ill probs ask him more afterwards?? but idk he was REALLY nice to me tho so FWIJFWEWFIFW i just dont trust him in games.......i dont know whats on his mind half of the time......)

I WANNA SAY FOR THE NEXT 3 MEN THEYRE HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY THEIR FIRE SIGN PLACEMENTS SO while i know some of them do hold resentment, its a lot easier to deal with and work with and with all 3 of them we've talked it out with/are going to talk it out. only #8 has been the MOST stubborn but idk imma let him do his thing & try not to pass too much judgement u know cause i dont need to waste my braincells on that

6. conor (knowing conor's astrological placements makes this make sense to me. but i wanna say that i think he's the type of leo to like be upfront, get it out, vent, and be fine? which is why i respect him a lot and i think we do have a mutual respect for each other. some of the comments he made were kinda rude tho and him fake liking astrology for social game was SO UGLY TO ME!!!! like i'll clown him for it for as long as i know him now cause....JOKE'S ON HIM!!!!!!! WJOEFWEOWEFO but that was kinda mean but def conor's come around and seen the light / has also reached out to me to talk. he's also admitted he left a mean speech in sbbb9 and regretted it so i think he might just shoot off at the mouth a bit. but BETTER THE DEVIL U KNOW THAN THE ONE U DONT and i appreciate the transparency NOW as opposed to the fakeness of him saying he liked astrology for social game. THIS IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON!!!!! im a fan of leos tho and he's a leo moon like me. so. i think we'll be fine. )

7. rob (i actually really REALLY like rob on a personal level but i really do not know if i could play another game with him, at least survivor, id be open to playing bb. i think ill say that the best thing about rob is that he's also apologized, was one of the first to when i confronted them all, me and him have a good personal relationship tbh!! but some of the game comments he made were p harsh and he's definitely a lil bitter but again, he's admitted it, i think while he's more up front -- i dont think i ever wanna be on his bad side in a game. EVER!!! cause we didnt even have any loyalty to each other in the game but he was SO harsh on my game like it was wild bc i dont think id ever be that harsh to ANY OF THEM ABOUT THEIR GAMES LIKE THAT???? anyways. its fine bc again he's apologized and he's owned it but PHEW he got a lil bit of a sharp tongue. really eloquent tho!!!!!!!!!!! love hearing him speak)

8. gage (last but least the southern belle himself................this man an aries and i dont know his other signs but him being an aries man is enough. they POP OFF!!!!!! a lot of times there's some truth to it, sure, but sometimes they just be popping off and FOR WHAT!!!!! i do understand gage's frustrations though but even he apologized for being too mean in HIS FUTURE FUCKING CONFESSIONALSSSSSSSS TO MEEEEEE so. idk. he's got an issue with letting things go in games and miss annajane calls him on a lot of BS and it does NOT seem to really knock him down but. gage is really wht u see is what u get, doesnt really own his faults but at least u kinda know where ur at w/ him. but he's still probs the meanest one in there but i do understand from a game level why he was so fucked up about it, especially after hearing FTC. its just that. i understand his position. BUT HE NEEDS TO TAKE A XANAX SOMETIMES I S2G GAGE I WILL GIVE YOU ONE!!! girl it is NOT that serious!!!!!!)

also forgot to mention that i admitted to gage that chris from s1 was NOT actually my brother and his jaw was on the floor <3 I GOT TO DO ONE TROLL THING RIGHT!!!!!! rip me/seamus' showmance serious!!!!!!)

okay just to add onto my last confessional -- the songs i think represent me best from this playlist game wise are: - perfect for you - punchin' bag - stayin' alive - flip - femme fatale/future nostalgia (for the girls alliance that never was....rip but also me/daisy at merge vibes) - X - the shortchange - TAKE ME AS I AM!!!!! THAT SONG IS THE ONE THATS BECOME MY SONG!!!! for this game especially!!!!! - over yet (the lyrics literally speak for themselves) - tough on myself (sorry for stealing ur song vincent) - seven devils - villains pt. 1 (i dont think i was a villain but i did stuff in this game that i usually dont and would consider villainous for myself FEWIWFEJIFEW i was in my feelings!) - passion & pain taste the same when i'm weak (me coming into the jury house and realizing they'd all snatched my wig w/ the edges and the glue.....i DID cry to this song for at least 2 hours! yes i did! WIFJWJIWEIJE) - tar ('under the stars -- pull yourself from the tar'. at the end of the day, this season was fucking stacked and there wasn't one person who was a bad player at all. at all.stars, if you will. i was under a lot of stars and from all the breakdowns in my game to me actually breaking down -- i GOTTA PULL MYSELF FROM THE TAR!!!! learn!! grow!! be better!!)

TOP 5 (not 'perfect for you'): - punchin' bag - take me as i am - over yet - tough on myself - tar

good for my whole journey imo!! the last 3!!! okay this is my ACTUAL last confessional okay thank u for everything!!! bye!!!

https://youtu.be/T5wRzWwlOp8

and here's my personal playlist for the org: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2E8KGCo1SrBgoJIQ9DycfM?si=96PWq-6ERCyisacQr3zPww

it is literally an hour and a half until the winner reveal and i really just have no idea what's going to happen. like in the back of mind i just have a feeling that im losing bc, yeah you know self-deprecation woo! but yeah idk i think i really gave this game my all and while i dont think i played it flawlessly, i still think i played a strong game i can be proud of :,)

having it be a live final tribal for my first ever like, jury questioning was just--- ugh wild but i actually think it went really well. just based on what people were saying it definitely seemed as if some of the jurors didnt really want to see me and daisy at the end or like, really werent consider voting for me but i think i was definitely able to sway some people who were willing to listen and definitely gave some of the jurors something to think about. so whether or not i win i do think that i had a really great final tribal performance, maybe it was even enough to sway enough people into giving me their vote?? WHO'S TO SAY

anyways this has been such a wild experience and it's surreal to think that it's ending in like, a little over an hour but no matter what happens i can say confidently that i will be able to look back on this season fondly and will be leaving it with my head held high bc I REALLY DID THIS LIKE!!! I REALLY MADE IT TO THE END!! WOW I STILL CANT GET OVER IT HAHAHA!! but yeah bye forever <33

Rob’s Last Video:  https://youtu.be/X3krxxfJ3oo

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Daisy wins in a 7-2 vote!

[masterofthewarcry]

Chapter 1 (of my original fiction)

The market was a very busy place, as all markets should be. The cobbled streets were crowded with flimsily built booths, sometimes blocking the way into the stores they stood in front of. People darted between stores and stands, trading their hard won coinage for necessary, or sometimes unnecessary but luxurious, items. Shopkeepers tried to make themselves heard above the din, shouting about sales and low prices, only to be caught up in the blend of voices that made the market have its own atmosphere, loud but not overwhelming.

               The market was the perfect place for the seeds of change to be planted, and that was exactly what Lysandra planned to do. She had been frequenting public areas for the past three months now, trying to get people to join the cause. Her efforts had been somewhat successful, requiring a new safe house to be acquired, and more supplies to be procured. Granted, they didn’t have the money for that right now, but they could always make up the difference by cutting the wealthy’s purses.

               Lysandra did a quick scan of the area, looking for the familiar glint of chain mail and royal colors that meant guards were nearby. For a moment, out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw something, but it had just turned out to be a shopkeeper’s awning, proudly displaying the royal colors. She would have to be sure to mess with him later.

               She made her way over to the fountain in the middle of the street, carved in the likeness of Alcibiades, the father of the current king, Onesiphoros. Though the fountain had eroded considerably, Alcibiades strong features were still present, his stone cold eyes not much different than they had been when he was alive.

               She stepped up on the ledge of the fountain, gazing down into the shallow water. There were no coins symbolizing well wishes anymore, having been scooped up by needy hands a while ago. Lysandra remembered tossing her own coins in as a small child, wishing for stupid things, like the boy next door to fall in love with her, or to become a princess overnight.

               What would she think of herself now?

               She was beginning to draw attention, perched on the side of the fountain, looking over the heads of the crowd. Lysandra turned to face the oncoming foot traffic, smiling at the few people who had already gathered at the foot of the fountain, waiting to hear what she had to say. She recognized a few of their faces, people that had either already joined her force or at least attended her little speeches before.

               She cleared her throat, and began to speak.

               “Good afternoon, good people of Provlimata.” She began. “I come to you on this fine day with a message.” Lysandra cringed at herself a little; the starts to her speeches were always rough, no matter how she tried to smooth it out.

               “Our kingdom, our home, is in terrible poverty.” She saw a few people perk up at this statement. That was always the attention grabber, the very thing the crown would not address, but was on everyone’s minds.

               She gestured down to the fountain. “A perfect metaphor, this fountain. I’m sure you all remember, when not two years ago, the pennies from this fountain would feed the homeless and bums who wander the streets. Now, the fountain is empty, and the homeless have either moved on or died.” She paused for effect. “But don’t worry, dear friends, our streets are still full, with new homeless families forced out of their homes by debt to the crown.”

               People were starting to gather now, mothers with small children clinging to their skirts and baskets in their arms. A few artisans wandered away from the shade of their stands to come closer. A few young men, stood near the back, looking up at Lysandra skeptically. She would have to approach them, if they stuck around.

               “The drought has razed our farms and our rivers, severely damaging our farmers and fishermen’s incomes. Without the bountiful harvest, we have nothing to trade, no materials to manufacture, but more importantly, nothing to eat. And what does the crown do? Nothing!” She paused a bit, letting the last word hang in the air, watching a few people nod along to what she has said.

               “Onesiphoros refuses to lower the taxes, does not offer any sort of support, and still drafts our sons in his army without a second thought. He and his court enjoy feasts, while the rest of us ration out our food and go to bed hungry. This cannot be allowed to continue.” Lysandra said. “The crown has abused its power for two years too long!”

               There were a considerable amount of people gathered around now, mostly market goers, but a few shopkeepers mixed into the batch. Lysandra caught sight of the royally colored awning again, this time her gaze drawn to a short man stood underneath, his arms crossed over his chest. She pointed to him, drawing the crowds attention to him and his store.

               “You, sir!” She started. “Do you support the crown?”

               The man scanned over the crowd gathered around the fountain, his eyes narrowing before he responded. “Aye.” He barked. “I’ve made many a sword for the kings army.”

               “So you’re a blacksmith.” Lysandra nodded. “Im sure you make a pretty penny for your work.”

               The man said nothing, still eyeing Lysandra and the crowd.

               Lysandra turned back to her people before her. “Its people like those, favored by the king, whether directly or indirectly, that will survive this recession if we don’t take action.” She quickly looked over her audience again, her gaze settling on a younger looking woman. “You, ma’am!”

               The woman blinked up at Lysandra, her arms folded around a basket full of bread.

               “Would you like to see your family starved while people like this blacksmith go to bed with full stomachs?”

               “No, of course not.” She said.

               “Then what are we going to do about it?” Lysandra asked. “The crown has never let anyone below a knights status into the court, and refuses to be reasoned with. They have locked themselves behind stone walls, isolated from the world outside, with no idea of the effect they have on us citizenry. What I propose, is a new sort of government.”

               As if on cue, glances among the audience were traded, and whispers were shared. Lysandra noticed a few people leave, which was to be expected. But she was pleased to see the majority of her hard-earned crowd stay, to enraptured by the thought of change to walk away now.

               “A government,” Lysandra continued. “Where the people have a say in the laws. Where one family cannot seize control and hold it above their heads. Where court members are chosen based on merit and intelligence rather than the status they were born into.” She paused. “I know it sounds like treason. But isn’t that the risk we have to take to see our children grow up in a world where they are free?”

               An older gentleman near the back of the assembly began to clap, smiling at Lysandra. It quickly caught on, spreading like wildfire, and soon the whole square was clapping. Lysandra took a self-indulgent bow, sweeping the hat off her head and letting her braid tumble out of it. This was the biggest turnout she had had in a while, and she was excited to see how many people were interested in becoming part of her wave of change.

               She was about to step down from the fountain when two horses rode into the square, scattering people. Perched on their backs were two young men, one slightly older than the other, with blond ruffled hair and a cocky smile. The younger man had a sharp jaw and sharper eyes, with neatly trimmed dark hair, nothing like his older counterpart.

               “Hold there, fair lady.” The blond knight pronounced. “Speak thee of treason?”

               Lysandra rolled her eyes. “Hold there, Sir Cleon. Speak thee like an old man?”

               The remaining crowd chuckled, along with Cleon’s squire. Cleon shot the young man a look, who stopped laughing immediately, sitting solemnly on his horse.

               “You should know better, girl.” Cleon said. “The crown does not take lightly to threats of insurgence.”

               “The crown won’t be here much longer anyway.” Lysandra bit back. It was people like Cleon that really rubbed her the wrong way. He was blind to the plight of the world around him, all because he wore that stupid armor with pride. How could he not see?

               “We’ll see how you run this little rebellion of yours from inside a cell.” Cleon said. He spurred his horse forward, forcing people aside as he made his way towards the fountain. His squire followed in his wake, cutting through the crowd with no objection.

               Lysandra knew she couldn’t outrun them on foot, so she took off, getting as much of a head start as she could while they were still working their way through the crowd. She didn’t get much though, as Cleon shouted, his scream causing everyone to scatter, clearing the street for him to ride through.

               Lysandra ducked onto a side street, hoping to maybe lose them. It was unlikely this early in the chase, but there was always a chance. After all, based on past experiences, Cleon had more hair than brains. She didn’t know why Onesiphoros had put him in charge of the hunt for rebels.

               But his stupidity and their encounters did grant her some insight as to what was going on in the palace. He could never keep his mouth shut, always rattling on about something or other. He also had some weird obsession with her, always asking for her name, subtly, or what he thought was subtle, flirting with her. But his schoolboy crush kept her out of jail, so she wasn’t exactly complaining.

               It was his squire she had to watch out for.

               She didn’t know the boy’s name, but he was already more fierce than his mentor. There was no emotional attachment or just brainlessness holding him back, and he truly tried to bring her in to the king for trial. He would be a good knight and she had to grudgingly respect him for that, though she would have much rather had him on her side than searching to capture her.

               She could hear the horses hooves click on the cobblestones behind her. She kept running though, leaping over carts and sliding under booths as often as she could in an attempt to lose them, but they were too close behind to fall for any of her antics. She was cursing at herself in her head, not even getting a chance to tell people about her rebellion, never mind enlist them in the fight.

               Part of her said it was enough to inform the public though, and maybe that part of her was right. They were at least curious now. Hopefully.

               She zipped around another corner, jumping into an alleyway. She recognized the crates stacked near the mouth of the road and knew there was a wall she could easily scale at the end, but that the horses couldn’t leap over. She smiled to herself, knowing she was clean away at this point.

               What she didn’t could on, was the mound of junk in front of the wall, to precarious to climb without risking getting trapped in the rubble. A quick scan of the alley showed that the store which is bordered was cleaning out, and had dumped all of the broken or old goods to be picked up later, as evidenced by the note tied to a pole.

               Lysandra turned around slowly, hearing the hooves come to a halt.

               “Effectively cornered yourself, haven’t you?” Cleon snobbed. “See young Themistocles, sometimes that is all you must do, wait for the wrongdoer to do themselves wrong.” He chuckled at his own play on words, as his squire, Themistocles, Lysandra now knew, rolled his eyes and sighed.

  ��            Cleon dismounted, handing the reins of his horse to his squire. Themistocles stayed on his horse, blocking the mouth of the alleyway.

               “Looks like you’ll be coming with us today, fair lady.” Cleon said.

               “I hate that name.” Lysandra said, stalling as she looked around for any sort of escape route.

               “Well, you have yet to present me with another name.” Cleon continued. “Though I imagine you’re called something quite fierce.”

               “And what do you imagine?” Lysandra baited. There was an open window to her left, leading into what appeared to be the back of a bakery, if the smoke coming out of the chimney was any indication. She couldn’t imagine what other place would have a fire going in the middle of July.

               “Maybe Alexandra.” He said. “Though Demostrate could be quite fitting. But I’ve always fancied the name Eulalia, and if you are in fact the maiden of my dreams, that would be your name. Though, we couldn’t name one of our daughters that if it is your name, could we?”

               Lysandra hurled herself through the window, landing in a heap in the bakery. Before Cleon could react, she shot up, slamming the window shut in his face and locking it.

               “You may call me Ton Olethro Tis Yparxis Sou, and I will never bear your children.” Lysandra dashed away before his squire would appear at the window, finding the backdoor of the bakery easily, and losing herself in the crowd outside.

               It was then she realized she had lost her hat in the mess.

[actual-leia-organa]

Huddy ofc but real huddy not the crap david shore huddy

Right @macsturbating apologies first up because you sent this before my trip and I just never sat down and answered it because I’m a lazy shit tbh but now Im trying to write fic and I’m stuck so you get this instead

((Also holy shit it got really long so I’m apologising in advance))

Who said “I love you” first - trick answer. House said it first, but Cuddy was fast asleep and didn’t hear him, and he’d never admit to it anyway, and was shocked at himself for it slipping out. He hadn’t said it since Stacy, but watching Cuddy peacefully sleep, curled up beside him, the words felt like the most natural thing in the word. The first to say it when both of them are awake is Cuddy, after tearing herself up for a week about whether she was ready to say those words and whether House was ready to hear them. Once they were said, he accepted it in his typical Housian way, no “I love you too”- not for a long time. And whilst they both knew the love was there, they weren’t constantly showering “I love you”s on each other, because that’s not how they operate.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background - well, Cuddy would want a photo of them as her background, but would fight with herself as to whether that meshes with her ultra-professional-at-all-times appearance. And she’d have pictures of them- the two of them, as well as ‘family’ shots with Rach, filling up her camera roll, and eventually on display in her office, but I don’t think she’d ever have her lockscreen as a personal photo. Ditto with House- he’d think he’d gone soft, and that everyone else would also think he’d gone soft. Plus, the photos on his camera roll would absolutely be like terrible sneak shots of Cuddy asleep and half snoring, or her with smudged make up on a Saturday morning, or that time she split coffee down her blouse when she was running late, and a multitude of photos that would make her squeal House delete that! (Which she also screamed at him after he managed some sneaky lingerie shots, because, well, he’s House) As well as stacks of Rachel selfies when he’d let her play Fruit Ninja on his phone. And instead of having Cuddy/Him + Cuddy/Him + Cuddy + the Spawn as his lockscreen he’d select the absolutely worst photo he had of Cuddy to appear whenever she called him.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror - well fingerprints make stubborn ass marks on mirrors and windows, so there is no way in hell Cuddy would be doing that. That’s purely a House behaviour, and one she tries to train out of him, because he’d shower and leave some dirty message on her mirror, and once the fog cleared there would be smudges on the mirror and that would be all she could see when doing her make up, and she would guiltily apologise to her cleaner about the “state of the bathroom mirror” but the tables are turned when they’re having some fun in the shower and she leaves handprints on the shower screen. Those she can smirk at, because of the memories with them.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts - more like who steals the other cheesy gifts, because its canon that this is House. Cuddy would stress herself senseless over gifts for him- he’s curated his environment, both at work and at home, and has very particular interests. There’s only so many vintage medical texts you can buy your significant other. She would only do gifts on significant occasions, versus House who would saunter home with a stuffed toy because it reminded me of you or to say sorry for the procedure I’m about to ask for. He would also buy the most amazing gifts for Rachel, to the point where Cuddy would worry he was outright spoiling her, only to realise that was how he would best express affection- he struggled to voice his feelings, was often physically distant, but with gifts he had no issues. On special occasions though he could give a perfect gift- perfectly suited to the receiver, and often a unique or sentimental object.

Who initiated the first kiss - this one’s a double hitter, because there were two “first kisses” in my mind- Michigan and Help Me. And Cuddy instigated them both (get it gurl). Michigan, she’d encountered the blue-eyed enigmatic genius in the bookstore, his eyes burning hers as he scanned her schedule and summed her up in 10 seconds. She’d followed him to endocrinology, he’d followed her to the party, although he’d never admit it. Greg House doesn’t follow girls. He especially doesn’t follow under-grads. But somehow he found himself at the party, where the music was terrible, and too loud, and the beer approaching flat and tepid. But when he caught the swing of her hips as she strolled through the kitchen it suddenly seemed worth it. And when she grabbed his arm on her way past, well, he was a sure thing. He couldn’t even tell you the first song they danced to, he was so entranced by watching her move. The musician in him appreciated how she seemed to just move with the rhythm, but the man in him appreciated how her hips swayed, how her hands felt as they left glancing touches on his arms, how her lips parted as she mouthed the words. But the beat slowed, and there they were, her hands resting on his shoulders as his hands settled on her petite waist. He could definitely tell you this song, its burned into his memory along with every move they made. As Time After Time faded into silence, his hands loosened and slid down to her hips, as her hands laced behind his head and pulled it down, as Cuddy raised up on her toes to press her lips to his. He could taste her cherry gloss, she could taste the cheap beer he’d been downing, but as they both leaned into it suddenly nothing else existed but them. He breathlessly asked her if she wanted to get out of there, and she felt full of daring when she replied “your place or mine?”. That was how they found themselves falling into Cuddy’s bed, half naked with clothes strewn around. And when he didn’t call the next day, Cuddy tried to act like it was nothing, just a casual one night stand, when inside she was mourning all that she’d hoped for. And so the kiss at the end of Help Me was Cuddy giving in, letting college-Cuddy try and realise her dream of a relationship- a real, grown up relationship- with Gregory House. But unlike college, where she roughly grabbed his head and smashed their faces together, this is an older, wiser, more experienced Lisa Cuddy, and as she reaches for his face she smiles softly as he leans into her touch, his stubble gently scratching her palm. She runs her hand through his thinning hair and he willingly lowers to meet her. It’s soft, and mutual, and a little hesitant, as if neither of them can believe they’re truly at this place, but each feeling like the twenty years it took to get there were totally worth it.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning - depends on your definition of morning. House’s sleep schedule is…the opposite of a schedule. He’ll stay awake for 3 days straight on a case, then sleep for 2. He’ll stay awake until 3am reading a journal article, be woken by Cuddy at 5am, then catch catnaps in the clinic. So there’s two answers here. If “morning” is any time after midnight, the answer is House. He’ll sit in the lounge, engrossed in the latest neurology journal, barely tearing his eyes away as Cuddy kisses him goodnight on her way to bed. He’ll finish the article at close to 3am, and slowly limp down the hallway, pausing in the doorway to watch Cuddy sleep, smiling at how she hugs his pillow in his absence. He’ll change for bed, and softly sit, leaning over to gently press a kiss to Cuddy’s lips, feeling her respond as she’s pulled from sleep, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him down to her. Once they settle in together, Cuddy’s alarm will go off at 5am sharp, causing House to groan as Cuddy stretches out like a cat next to him, always turning to gently kiss him, as if apologising for the disturbance. He’ll always respond, but then its anyone’s guess as whether he’ll fully awaken or roll over and snore within seconds.

Who starts tickle fights - House. He discovered in college just how ticklish Lisa Cuddy is, and the adorable giggle she lets out when tickled. He also kinda likes how it feels when she squirms against him and that exasperated “House!” she puffs out whilst trying to fight him. He’ll usually do it when they’ve been settled in together and he feels his distinct brand of boredom set in- which seems it coincide with every time Cuddy wants to relax with a BBC boxset. They’ll be on the couch, cozied up, an hour into the latest period drama, when House would slide his hand down her side and start to tickle just below her ribs. She’d push his hand away with an annoyed huff, but within 5 minutes it would be back, and she’d be giggling and squirming enough for him to get the other side. The only reason it doesn’t become a full out tickle war is that House only has one weak spot- the soles of his feet. And the one time Cuddy tried it she caused his thigh to spasm as he pulled away, making for a very sudden end to their tickle fight, and their entire plan for the evening. He’ll pretend to be ticklish for Rachel though, when she attempts to tickle him by poking at his ribs, something Cuddy is eternally grateful for- she loves when he plays along with Rach.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower - well, House would never ask, he’d just barge in. Especially at Cuddy’s house, where the shower is spacious enough for them to get creative. So this one goes to Cuddy, who shyly asks may I join you? the first time she stays the night at his apartment, which he considers slightly ridiculous since they jumped straight into a bath together, and he tells her as much. She snarks back that she was being considerate of his leg since he was still dealing with the aches and pains from crawling around a collapsed building, and heaven forbid she think he mightn’t want an audience whilst attempting to get in and out of the shower, plus its more difficult for two people to shower when its over a bath (he doesn’t to think about how she knows that), but whatever, House, be offended over a simple request. He huffs, slightly annoyed at how she’s already making concessions for his leg (which seems to dig a bit more now that she’s his girlfriend, not just his boss), and sighs fine. come join me. I suppose you can catch me if I slip which triggers their first stupid fight, learning that they don’t hold back the punches when they’re both tired and sore.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch - Cuddy, bringing House ruebens during the day when he’s caught up with a case and forgets to eat. On the flip side, House will order delivery to Cuddy’s office and wander down to join her when he notices her pulling overtime, coming to give her a break and needle her to come home with him. Wilson feels slightly put out when he realises that Cuddy has suddenly taken over the ‘feed House’ duties, to which House rolls his eyes and sighs, reminding Wilson that he’ll always be required, and he hasn’t been replaced.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date - House and Cuddy love to laugh over how they did everything in the wrong order. They slept together, then Cuddy adopted, then they tried a relationship, all over the course of twenty-plus years. Everything backwards, and no first date. House never asked Cuddy out, or vice versa. Which, when pointed out to them, neither feel the urge to ‘correct’. What they have works for them. They go out to dinner, sometimes driving there in separate cars from the hospital, sometimes just going for a drink, sometimes staying in and ordering take out. But the date that really mattered, the date that felt like a date, the date where a velvet box was burning a hole in House’s pocket, was the one and only time that Gregory House felt nervous. And it showed- Cuddy picked up on it in seconds, which resulted in throwing his whole plan out the window and he ended up proposing on Cuddy’s doorstep, not even making it to the restaurant- and they didn’t make the reservation as all, as once the ring was on Cuddy’s finger she pulled him into the hallway and they barely made it to the bedroom.

Who kills/takes out the spiders - both of them take care of insects. Lisa Cuddy isn’t the kind of woman to scream at the sight of creepy crawlies, and she’s lived alone long enough that she just deals with it herself. Same deal with House, although he has to take his leg into account if he’s going to attempt gymnastics to catch or kill an insect. The only time he’s banned from dealing with insects is when Rach is around, because he’ll catch it and turn it into a biology lesson. It took “and after copulating, the girl rips the boy’s head off, mom!” to implement that rule, with a steely look at House across the dinner table.

Who loudly proclaims their love when drunk - House didn’t need to actually be with Cuddy to announce to a whole hospital that they slept together, and it took Cuddy formally announcing their relationship to HR for anyone to believe him, but strangely House is always quiet about his true feelings, and even more so when it comes to how he feels about Cuddy. Sure, he’ll joke about her ass, and make crude jokes about their sex life, but the day Wilson confronts him with christ, House, you really love her, don’t you he can’t even lift his eyes from the floor as he nods slowly, swallowing heavily as he softly replies more than I’ve ever loved anyone. House quietly proclaims his love, hiding his deep feelings behind his brash and bravado. It’s Cuddy who, after one too many champagnes at the first hospital fundraiser she drags House to, who slurs loud enough for 90% of the attendees to hear, I absholutely love you, Gregry Housh whilst House blushes under his collar at her, stunned that she has no qualms with people knowing she’s chosen him, that she loves him. And as he drives her home, he softly asks, did you mean it Cuddy? Do you really…love me? and she rolls her eyes, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, putting her hand on his, meeting his eyes, and almost whispering, with the slight slur of champagne, I love you. It’s taken me twenty years, but I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, and I love you. House leans over to kiss her and is rewarded with a honk from the car behind them as he ignores a green light.

[murdermage-a-blog]

LITTLE CHARACTER THINGS

just a fun little character game. fill in the below categories with 3-5 things that your character can be identified by.  repost & tag away!

tagged by - @valflame again i can always count on u

tagging - anyone who wants to fdjdgdf im really lazy with tagging okay

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

001: MADNESS : if you ask most of the people who know him, they would say henry was as mad as a hare with the way he walked about with a smile on his face at any and all times. the description doesn’t really bother him, though. 002: OPTIMISTIC : always in a good mood, ready to sling a smile and a joke to anyone who might need one ( even if they might not appreciate his humor. ) 003: STRANGE : fairly self-explanatory. he’s a weird one, that henry 004: DISTANT : said by many to hold people at an arm’s distance despite his cheery exterior.  005: MYSTERIOUS : lending credit to the two above, henry’s reputation as powerful, but mysterious precedes him on his way out of plegia. few people knew him past his skill with a tome and the flock of crows that follow him like a cloud into battle.

GREETINGS:

001: a grin and an enthusiastic wave. 002: a bright and cheery hello!, usually followed by some gruesome description of what he had planned for the day. 003: a quiet and sleep tinged good morning, reserved solely for those he loves and wakes beside.

COLORS:

001: purple. 002: black. 003: gold.

SCENTS:

001: the scent of ink and paper, bleeding onto his skin from the tomes he carries. 002: blood, though it’s so subtle many won’t notice. 003: magic, sharp and sour and bright, slinging to him like a second skin.

CLOTHING:

001: his ever-familiar cape, the fabric turned soft with age. it is a gently-made mix of black and gold and violet, threaded and embroidered by a distant mother’s hand. the gold threading of the grimleal eyes reflects the light as he moves, giving the impression that the eyes themselves are moving. 002: a number of gold accessories, each more elaborate than the last. a set of golden bangles, worn on the arms and legs, and a heavy golden collar that clasps his cape shut, ornamented with designs for special occasions 003: several pieces or jewelry made from rough-hewn thread and stones, sometimes accented with shed claws and teeth of creatures of the wild. 004: a heavy leather bag, usually containing a dark tome of dubious origin.

OBJECTS:

001: nosferatu, henry’s tome of choice at any and all times. 002: ruin, another dark tome high on henry’s preference list. 003: a number of ingredients to curses and dark spells, strewn haphazardly in his bag. 004: a mix of concoctions and vulneraries, most half-empty. 005: a well-used sewing kit he repaired all his clothes by hand, after all

VICES / BAD HABITS:

001: an alarming amount of amorality -- a lack of a sense of right and wrong because of his harsh upbringing of neglect and abuse. 002: a clinging sense of obedience. show him enough kindness and he will do anything for you. 003: using his cheerful exterior cover a truly rotten core, hiding any negativity behind a very hard to dig through wall. 

BODY LANGUAGE:

001: lazily held shoulders, giving an impression of relaxation, of loosely held energy. 002: rocking up on his toes to peer over a person’s shoulder, ignoring most everyone’s sense of personal space. 003: a bright smile and blissfully closed eyes, though his lips are chapped from teeth digging at them in times of stress and deep thought. 004: hands fidgeting with the edge of his cape, clutching fabric between his fingers to show sharp and sick anxiety welling into a ball in his chest.

AESTHETICS:

001: the crying of overhead crows, sharp and violent in their sound -- though, when you look, you cannot find the source. 002: a dark room, mostly empty but holding this terrible and overwhelming feeling of being watched. 003: a pair of porcelain masks, one grinning and the other weeping. they weigh heavy in your hands. 004: a forest grove on a dark night, the only light coming from a moon hanging heavy and round high in the sky.

SONGS:

001: UNDER MY SKIN - JUKEBOX THE GHOST.

i can fit two people under my skin i can fit two people under my skin and i will prove it if you will listen

002: BODY - MOTHER MOTHER.

and take my hands, they'll understand take my heart, pull it apart and take my brain, or what remains and throw it all away 'cos i've grown tired of this body

003: SAFE IN THE DARK - LUDO.

everyone wants to feel safe in the dark forces unseen pulling strings in your heart

[lalunangel]

Anyway Bitch.

So my sister calls me ugly pretty much everytime I see her or finds some flaw in me/my actions and has to point it out to make herself feel better about who she is because everyone in our family always says that “She’s been through the most and is the toughest” when talking about me. So my sister pretty much does her absolute best to tear down these walls I’ve built so she can make me cry of feel bad OR SOMETHING whatever it is she’s failing at it. So.. I started saying “Anyway bitch” when she starts insulting me so I can state that it’s over with me.. what about you? And I know she hates it. It’s gotten so bad where she yells “I HATE THAT WORD!” And I said “I hate being belittled.” And I know it makes her angry because no one has ever disrespected her without me automatically fighting on her behalf but now that I’m on the outside calling her these names and letting others insult her and hurt her.. and treat her on the pedestal of sibling... she’s angry at me. I don’t feel obligated to care for her as a mother anymore. I don’t feel like I have to spoil her or give into her fits.. actually I feel the exact opposite. I feel the more she hears no the better she’ll understand it. The more she stops getting her way the better it’ll be in her future. My sister thinks she’s better than everyone in my family. But lately I’ve started to knock her down some. I’ve started to feel that the ego she carries is the ego we’ve given her because we felt so terrible for what could’ve happened.. but it never did and we spoiled her too much. In hopes she’d forgive us. I work at a daycare and my sisters emotional level and mentality is at a 2 year olds. If she doesn’t get what she wants she lashes out and throws a fit. Is jealous of simple gifts/attention given to others whereas she feels that she deserves it the most. She’s at the mental age where becoming social and learning to share is barely progressing but it’ll only progress if she allows it to. She hasn’t yet. So she’s early twos. Closer to one. Everyday I see her I roll my eyes and tell my grandma great ways to deal with two year olds and my sister gets angry. “I’m more mature than you!” And I always say “Maturity isn’t a competition and if you feel that way you’re the only one competing and the only one losing.” As an adult I realize that although maturing into this stage of life is necessary there is no exact way to get it right. You can scream all you want about being more than someone else but somehow you will always find yourself having less. Maturity isn’t all that important anymore. It’s just a quick way to say “IM MORE GROWN THAN YOU” but no one not even our parents are truly grown up. You can’t measure your mental state with a ruler. You can only do it by how well you progress and ignore others who are either above or below you. So lately when she’s throwing her fits I look the other way but hide pills and sharp objects because we all know that if she’s not getting enough attention then something terrible will happen and I can’t hold my grandma responsible for that so I make sure to minimize her suffering. My sister gets mad “I JUST WANT TO CUT” and I say “Adults don’t go cutting themselves just because they’re having bad days. They sleep or go get drunk. Why don’t you go out with friends for a movie date or ice cream?” I know that suggesting these normal things are going to tick her off but I’m guiding her in a different direction. In the daycare we call this redirecting. It’s where you give two options. You do what I choose for you or you do one other thing I choose for you. In the daycare it’s “You can either paint or go read a book but we aren’t going to play dress up anymore today I’m sorry.” and in this case I’ve given her “You can go see a movie or go get ice cream but we aren’t going to hurt ourselves.” Yet somehow since her brain hasn’t processed that I’m manipulating her to stop being harmful I’ve started to calm her behavior down some. She went to the movies the last time. I gave her $10 for some snacks. It worked.

My grandma has noticed how casually I’ve been doing this and has gotten frustrated and asked me how I do it. “take a parenting class. I know it sounds rude but I think you’ll be able to understand her when someone else teaches you and not me. You don’t listen to me.” And she hasn’t yet but she’s watched me redirect my sister everytime I go over and manipulating her into being less hostile and scary and more pleasant. “How do you do it?” “She’s two.” “IM NOT TWO” “Let’s not throw a fit Cierra, let’s go get some hot chocolate and finish our movie or you can go to bed and ill go home” and watching her fires that were ready to blaze stop almost immediately after suggestions made my grandma furious and tell me the tricks. “She’s two. Give her two options but never the one she wants. You’re the adult not her” it’s been working so well. Almost too well. She got her to go to Dallas this thanksgiving. She’s gotten her to put her phone up at 11 every night. Boyfriend hasn’t gone over for them to make mistakes.. she’s been listening to my grandmas cries. All it took was watching her actions. Behavioral problems with children are easy to change once you understand where you’re going wrong.

Today she called me ugly again and because everyone’s learning how to deal with her they said “She looks like Kiki? I’ll be sure to tell Kiki you said she was ugly as well.” And it resulted into an immediate apology. She stopped insulting me. I didn’t even hit her with the “Anyway bitch” and we had a nice few hours together. When I left she came and hugged me and told me she missed me and couldn’t wait until I moved in. And I said “I miss you too kiddo. I’m happy you’re happy again.” And I left.

By spoiling her from the very beginning she never had to work for what she wanted. Cry for the affection or attention or talk out her issues. She’s been coddled and held for too long. Suffocated with getting exactly what she’s always wanted. Now that it’s stopped she is acting more her age. Her fits are minimized. Her outbursts just result into tears but never trying to harm herself. And the insults are always met with “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.” I know I’ve manipulated her completely into working and growing the way I wanted her to.. but I just couldn’t stand hearing the shit she’d talk about everyone. Her constant fits. I couldn’t handle worrying over her potential pregnancy’s and her self harm attempts. I just couldn’t handle her as the self distructive goblin she is anymore. So I observed until I got the information I needed.. to stimulate her brain into realizing she’s just a kid and doesn’t need to act like the end of the world is here. I think if someone had saw me at my panicky stages back then and took the time to go to parenting classes and learn that I was still basically a kid as well... I’d have felt less obligated to care for her always. Less worried about how I was going to make my ends meet at 15. But now that I know it I’ve caught on and started changing my mind for the better as well. Some people grow up fast.. but they stay stuck in the mentality of needing to be stimulated by those senses that the missed growing up.

So anyway bitch... was my first insulting step into belittling my sister and manipulating her mentally to figure out where she was stuck.. and how I could help her progress. And I don’t think you should call your children bitches.. but if they’re anything like my sister please for the love of god beat that ass.