#im too weak to do a lot rn bc sick but i wanted to post these since im still on brainrot

[peridoxikal-redux]

Some extra sketches i had laying about

[sereniv]

its so hard to find the balance of being informed and knowing whats happening, and focusing on my mental stability.

bc on one hand no matter what i do it feels like i cant just block it all out. it feels wrong. and i mean block everything. as in ignoring every post, not reading anything thats going on in palestine. or any other place

to just pretend like its not happening is not something I feel comfortable doing even if it might help mentally. but i dont even think id be able to

i dont need to see the videos or the pictures or read graphic summaries. and that is enough, is to even do the bare minimum

but even the bare minimum feels like too much.

and lately no matter how much i distance myself from it all its already in my head

and sometimes it feels like im off my pills. when i used to have strong delusions of reality being a simulation or of being watched etc

paranoid delusions and shit like that

like when i say i feel like im going insane i literally feel it. it feels familiar. but worse in a lot of ways

like i know what is happening is real but i can barely comprehend it.

i know what i see is real but through a lense its easy for my brain to just be confused at what im seeing. or hearing.

its a simialr feeling to when we read about the holocaust in school and when i saw pictures and read personal accounts.

i knew that it was real, it felt real to a point, but its like it didnt feel real in a way like so shocking that it causes dissociation

and like im doing the most i can do for myself. because theres no ignoring everything bc i already know its happening.

and now i have to manage my psychosis that im keeping at bay. and then ofc on top of that taking care of my grandma and both pets

amongst other things

i havnt felt this bad in a long time.

luckily i have stuff to distract myself but its like

always on in the background of my mind. it feels so claustrophobic like i want to break things

its hard to keep the right mindset and not just blow up at people, or to be 'reactionary'. which, i mean emotions first thoughts second.

its hard to push that down and act appropriately and normally. and to actually be able to think about what im saying

like its so hard to not cry or dream about this stuff. and like weed doesnt even help, and theres no way im going back to drinking

so its like i just have to raw dog the emotions.

idk maybe ill try edibles again, bc the smoking just isnt good for me

i just hope at least my grandma is able to get out of pain bc im getting so stressed im starting to think about adopting my pets out again just to be able to function

having to take misha out every 20 minutes fucking sucks. having to feed them sucks. having to take her out and scoop and to scoop cowboys cat box sucks

and im not getting enough sleep but at the same time somehow getting too much sleep

and then my tablet needing a replacement

and my room is a mess and trying to keep the dishes clean but they pile up every few days

and then just wanting to enjoy something like food and all im eating is gluten and its making me physically ill and in pain and tired

im dehydrated bc i drink at most an 8 oz glass of water a day, but on average a cup

which makes my muscles weak, im having trouble breathing

somehow im keeping it together

luckily im back on my meds

my grandma could die soon when she gets surgery and i really hope that doesnt happen bc i can not handle that rn at all

its just too much

also going to turn 31 this month when it feels like i turned 30 just a handful of months ago

so idk how i feel about that

i just feel physically sick rn. i should be sleeping but my sleep schedule is fucked up so i dont end up sleeping until like noon or 7am

[tartagliaxx]

first off, hello 🤷‍♀️ anon! sorry i missed you out

and secondly, dw, marius is my favourite too lol, he reminds me a lot of my younger cousin who i lived with when i was younger. i was always the one who took care of him and marius calling me older sister just set off so much memories of my childhood. the both of them are also vv similar in personality, attention seeking, playful and artistic so i always see him whenever i look at marius.

artem is probably my second favourite ngl, ever since i read his ssr where he was jealous and got drunk (what a good combination lmao) i just grew so soft for him. at the end of the day, he's just a vv soft sweetheart who's insecure that we'll leave him :(( i have like 3 ssrs at lvl36, two of them are artem cards and the other is luke. i vibe with luke too bc i love the childhood friends trope, it's top tier. and as for vyn... i have vv mixed feelings abt him. i feel like he could so easily see through me if he was real and i'm just like, how about no. he's rlly pretty though, like rlly pretty.

*major spoilers*

and you've finished the archon quests!!! personally, i feel like the ending felt a bit rushed(?). it's weird bc i thought the resistance war against the raiden shogun was supposed to be the center of the story, but it just devolved to us helping yae with the entire war being swept to the side. and i already knew somebody was gonna die, and as soon as i saw that teppei had become the captain, i just knew.

it's interesting bc i would love to explore what happened to la signora and scaramouche to make them so disregarding of human life. like, i don't like them, but i want to understand their minds. it's sad to read signora's artifact's background honestly. and the fact that her crown said she used to be called rosalyne, that she had perhaps once led a more innocent and naive existence. i dunno, to me it seems like a good ending for her honestly, she had already lost herself after her lover's death and brings pain to many others, i don't think she can rlly return to being her again.

and honestly, a lot of people are talking abt scaramouche not telling signora he already had the gnosis and saying that he orchestrated her death, i don't rlly think so. i feel like he's just that apathetic to human life, even if it's someone that stands on his side, he just doesn't care enough. it also says how he never got along with anyone, not even his fellow harbingers, so i don't know why ppl expect him to seek out someone he doesn't like just to warn her of danger.

i vibe with scaramouche and la signora as the antagonists bc they're good antagonists, but as characters, well. other than the fact that they're pretty, they have like one likeable trait and that is their loyalty. they would do anything for the tsaritsa even if it cost them their life. i'm rlly excited to see what the tsaritsa has in store for us in the future.

considering our sibling is nicknamed 'the prince/princess', i wonder if there's gonna be a day where we're gonna have to go toe to toe with them. if we had them backed them into a corner with no way out, i wonder if they would kill us. it would be an interesting twist if we could actually die, but i feel like the protagonist halo will prevent it lol and i'm sorry bc god, this is so long.

— r. anon

marius. that’s the tweet. man,, you dont realize how in love i am w him?? like,, this man was literally my only hope when i fell horribly sick. i cant w myself now that i’m hearing it w my own voice. it must be nice to remember the good ol’ days… i despise my cousins and i dont have siblings so i dont really have that sort of connection w him. to me, his onee-san is just a joke? a petname? idk but it simultaneously makes me so mad and giddy just like childe’s existence does

i like vyn bc his vibes are sus but at the same time, he’s cares abt our mental health 🥺👉👈 no one’s ever said shit like that to me… jokes aside, luke is seriously threatening his spot bc of his blushing bs like pls 🤲 i’m so weak for that shit give me more. artem makes me soft too like,, he keeps mentioning that he trusts us and he’s just…. HE’S A BIG TEDDY BEAR THAT BLUSHES AT LIKE ACCIDENTAL HAND BRUSHES GRRRR. in conclusion, i love them all.

but man,, give me ssr luck… literally, im in pain…

now that the excitement’s worn off, i can now judge things properly. i think that… the pacing is horrible. like the plot is good, genuinely, but there’s just,, so much to explore abt this. if you think abt it, this is the climax and yet we didnt get much. scratch that. we got a lot but it’s all underdeveloped that it felt like nothing. we go to sangonimiya, got promoted, became captain for like, one sec before we are sent onto an investigation that didnt really produce any results bc app teppei alr knows everything? and then the delusion thing is a good plot point but it’s not really explored? just… a lot of things are left unexplored and i think that story wise, a lot of the possible lore explanations went down the drain. it would’ve been nice if we saw more abt the rebellion and if we had gotten to know whats the real deal w the commissions but eh… idk… i would’ve rather done more quests abt this whole storyline than like… do that whole dance w the three people who lost their vision in 2.0.

if im going to be honest, la signora is such a wasted character. like maybe her death was just for the shock factor or maybe it’s to prepare us for more harbinger encounters in the future.. idk but she’s such a good character from what we’ve seen but we know jack shit abt her and her motives. we know a little from the artifact set but beyond that, what do we have?

precisely! that’s how i feel abt this whole thing when we’re talking seriously. like w ei, i dont really agree w whatever they’re doing but i want to understand why they do the things that they do. everything has a reason and their psychology is just interesting to me.

i think scaramouche’s nature makes it easy for him to disregard human life. call it arrogance or whatever but ultimately, he’s seeing himself as smth above all these people bc he’s more or less capable of standing toe to toe w a god. why should he bother telling signora? it’s not like he gains anything if he does. i think that when he got the gnosis, he’s just ‘well she dies if she dies. who cares abt that? i dont have any need for incompetent colleagues anw’ i agree and i dont think he orchestrated her death but at the same time, he just allowed it to happen too.

as for signora, i’m actually surprised? for the most part, i think that the harbingers took their posts for selfish reasons. for scara, it’s to entertain himself and pass time. for childe, it’s to fight and grow stronger. for dottore, it’s to conduct dubious research w/o anyone stopping him. i expected signora to have some similar motive like power or money but it seems like she does actually believe in the tsaritsa? it would be very intriguing if signora’s main motive in becoming a harbinger is simply bc she is loyal to the tsaritsa and her will. bc in contrast, i think scara and dottore are more loyal to the fact that the tsaritsa can give them what they want, not bc they actually like her. actually, idek if they’re willing to die for her lol. like i wouldnt be surprised if they suddenly abandon post in a life or death situation but who knows…

in any case, they are very good antagonists. i like yo think that the tsaritsa isnt as bad as the game portrays her to be… of all the gods, she’s the one im looking forward to the most but… haha… what version would that be….

i’m almost certain that they’ll make us fight our twin maybe before we face the unknown god? if one of them dies, i would be very sad. like legit. but knowing mhy, well, our twin is almost 100% a walking death flag.

anw i’m shutting up rn— i also spoke too much kahdjabdhakbsjansb—

[teruthecreator]

if you're comfortable, could you say what specifically you hated about the finale? i never got into amnesty but i liked balance so i would like to know how disappointed i should be ://

okay i’m gonna explain this in-detail exactly Once bc i’m trying rlly hard to just forget about the whole epilogue and keep it moving like that shit never happened, so for anyone else who is asking me why i don’t like the finale (and im not saying you’re wrong for asking, anon, it just seems that when you vocally do not like a thing there are hundreds of people who come out of the woodworks to ask you why and i think thats kinda Huh, Weird of everyone but like whatever) i’m gonna lay it all out here on the table and you can take this as you will. 

i’m not gonna be getting into fistfights with people abt this so if you disagree please don’t try and banter with me. i am running on

also, CRITICISM OF ART DOES NOT MEAN CRITICISM OF THE ARTIST. I AM NOT CRITICIZING THE MCELROYS AS HUMAN BEINGS, BUT RATHER THEIR ARTISTIC DECISIONS IN TAZ: AMNESTY. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A SEPARATION BETWEEN ART AND ARTIST, AND ONCE YOU (AS AN ARTIST) POST A PIECE, IT BECOMES SUBJECT TO CRITICISM. I AM NOT BRINGING GRIFFIN, JUSTIN, TRAVIS, OR CLINT’S CHARACTERS INTO QUESTION; I AM SIMPLY GIVING A CRITICISM ON THE SHOW THEY’VE CREATED AS A WORK OF ART. 

oh, this goes without saying, but i will anyway: SPOILERS FOR AMNESTY (IN GENERAL, BUT ALSO FOR EPISODE 36) 

i’m gonna start off by saying, i don’t think the whole episode was a total disaster. there are two things mainly that have ruined the whole experience for me, but for the most part i thought the like first 2 hours of this episode were a lot of fun! the fight scene was a little bogged down in the rolls imo, but it didn’t deter me too much from the overarching boss battle. the intro was a sick concept, i enjoyed the callback bits spliced in w newly scripted bits from mentioned past encounters, that was all well and good. i loved beacon in the episode, and god do i wish he stayed for the whole thing. 

my problem mainly sits with the epilogue, which is why i think the whole episode turns sour in my mind. because the epilogue is supposed to be what satiates your desire to know more, right? not to reference balance too much (bc these are two completely different stories w different premises, and for people to so readily compare them is kinda wack. that being said, they are two stories made by the same people that use an epilogue to wrap up the loose ends, so im gonna make this one comparison), but the epilogue told us, the listener, all the things we wanted to know about after the day of story of song. we got to know what they did, a little bit of their interpersonal relationships, and we even got a big group scene with the killarey wedding! 

this epilogue, though, feels like it left so much still on the table. one of those things i will swing back to later because it is the largest part of my argument, but after all of this time we still don’t know why everyone at the lodge got exiled! no one talks about it! we don’t know how dani ended up there, or jake, or barclay, or moira, or anyone! they don’t reference the banishments at all, which i think is a huge shortcoming figuring that is the core premise as to why these characters exist in our pc’s world in the first place. 

i also feel like the concept of the worlds being divided for a long time is kind of a dumb way to go about framing what they do After The Fact. like, they could have had those scenes happen without the looming concept of them being divided, especially when their big reunion scene is like 2 minutes long and basically does nothing. what would have been a cooler premise is if billy connected the worlds, and the worlds worked together in rebuilding themselves. we still could’ve had the same bits happen (for the most part), but i just think that whole separation bit kinda alienated the pc’s (especially thacker). 

but everything up to aubrey’s epilogue bit is fine. i have some problems, but it’s fine. where i started to completely abandon the work itself though is duck’s bit, and i’m gonna get into it by saying this: I know Justin Mcelroy is not legally required to make all of his characters gay, but this whole scene was just a big reminder to me that this show is done by 4 straight white men

and yeah, my big problem with this scene is the fact that justin had to make Duck/Minerva a thing. because it adds nothing to the story while also being a very skeevy concept in-general, and it reduces minerva’s character down to the Hero’s Girlfriend trope and it’s so comphet and she doesn’t deserve it. 

my first grievance with this: It adds nothing to the story. 

had justin not even mentioned the relationship part of their interaction before the scene actually took place, this scene would be like every other scene involving duck and minerva prior to this. duck says honey once, and even that could’ve been played off as duck just being affectionate to his friends (which is a thing, i call several of my friends “my love” irl and it isn’t a big deal). minerva doesn’t even use pet names, she calls duck by his full name, which is exactly how she addressed him in every other scene! duck’s speech is a genuine heart-puller, but it was completely soured by the fact that justin had to premise this entire scene by saying duck and minerva are a thing. 

my second grievance: it’s a skeevy-as-all-hell concept. 

this whole premise is nasty seven ways from sunday, and it is my biggest problem with duck’s bit as a whole. for starters, and i think more people need to mention this, minerva meets duck on the night of his 18th birthday. which means duck has literally just stopped being legally considered a minor before minerva appears before him. and honestly, i would still consider duck a minor in this case because he has literally just turned 18!!! his brain has not developed past one of a 17-year-old on the exact date of his birthday, and i argue it will not until he is at least in his twenties. keep in mind, your brain does not stop developing until you are about 25. so while in the legal sense, duck is an adult, in both the mental and emotional sense at that exact moment, duck is still a minor. AND he’s still in high school, as referenced in his response to her call to duty: “i got class tomorrow”. and minerva is old enough to have become the minister of defense for her homeworld, go through an entire war, and have several other chosen ones (including leo tarkesian, who is at least 20 years older than duck) before meeting duck. so that makes her much, much older than duck when she meets him. and i don’t care if they had barely any interaction after that first moment (though they did, as justin legit talks about when he introduces minerva as a concept to the show), that still establishes their initial interaction at a massive age difference. which, regardless of anything, makes their eventual relationship so genuinely messed up. 

sure, you can argue that when you get older age doesn’t make that much of a difference, and i would agree. my mother is 53 and her husband is 63, that’s ten years. but my mother and step mother did not meet at 8 and 18, they met at 50 and 60. the initial interaction makes all the difference between “older people meeting and having a relationship” and “a very messed up situation”. 

also, in this same argument, taking the mentor-student relationship and turning it into a romantic relationship IS SO MESSED UP!!!! GENUINELY AND HONESTLY MESSED UP!!! i feel like i don’t need to explain this because there have been so many examples already as to why this is a relationship you Should Not turn romantic, but i will anyway because it frustrates me so much that justin completely glosses over this!!! the power dynamic of a mentor-student relationship, in whatever way it is portrayed, displays a power balance that is heavily leaning to one side. there is not an equal distribution of power amongst the two because one person is teaching the other. the one person is weak to the others wills and whims because of lack of experience. think of your high school teacher or college professor; if you started a relationship with them, people would raise so many questions because you are not at equals to the teacher/professor. even if they treat you different, and even if they no longer teach you, it all has to do with the initial interaction. and minerva was still duck’s mentor up until either episode 34 or 35, when she handed off the title of Herald of the Astral Mind to duck. that means for nearly all of their interactions, there was a mentor-student dynamic. to have that turn into a romantic relationship is so sketchy and weird and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

my third grievance: it reduces minerva’s character down to a girlfriend trope, and it’s comphet as hell 

my friend tin (@taako–waititi) phrased this so well in the big group chat im in w her, so imma just quote her on this and then go into the comphet stuff: 

“i was dming max about it and they also mentioned, quote, ‘her story was never about romance. it reduced her down to ‘competent woman becomes endgame girlfriend’ trope’ and they are so right it makes me fucking pissed. regardless of any ‘mutual respect’ and ‘emotional intimacy’ kind of thing going on that some people are arguing for, it’s something that didn’t need to happen because minerva’s character becomes that. my thing is mutual respect and emotional intimacy between two people can. exist. without it being. romantic. like. friendship is. also valid. i personally don’t think that mutual respect and emotional intimacy are two buttons that you press to make the machine churn out a romance” 

not only does it reduce minerva’s character to tropes, but it also is extremely comphet for a woman who is so heavily wlw-coded or lesbian-coded and it just angers me. you could argue that she could be bi, but if we look at canon for just its face-value, the only romantic interaction she ever has is with a man, which basically makes her straight. this isn’t like aubrey’s situation, where travis clearly states she is a bi woman who is just in a relationship with another woman in amnesty. griffin doesn’t state anything about minerva’s sexuality and then she’s paired off with a man right at the end. and you could argue that she isn’t wlw or lesbian-coded, but i am not the only one who is wlw and thinks this, so i feel like i have more of a ground to stand on in this opinion. and this just feels so, like, textbook compulsory heteronormativity it made me feel physically sick when i heard this bit in the podcast. 

so that’s my first big issue with the finale, fully explained. my second issue with the epilogue is that ned’s death continues to be disappointing and his character arc is never completed, which just tanks the whole show for me. 

i’ve talked about this several times since ep 28 about how ned’s death was stupid and did nothing for his character arc, but i’m gonna reiterate my main points for the people who find this post without knowing my whole blog:

1. ned’s main interpersonal conflicts are just brought to the surface and never fully delved into before his sudden death. ned doesn’t ever get to explain his history with boyd and why he had to steal shade tree to mama or barclay or really anyone besides vaguely to aubrey. 

2. every character is just immediately expected to feel sad about ned’s death, despite the tension that still remains right up until the very end. aubrey shouldn’t have even known that the shapeshifter framed ned because that’s all explained once she goes to sylvain, but i think travis just assumed she did because he heard the interaction between ned, mama, and barclay. so she should’ve had Way more conflicting feelings about the whole thing, but ned’s death is just angst-bait so that doesn’t happen.

3. ned’s death doesn’t make roll sense because clint rolled a mixed success and mixed successes, by definition, are supposed to be less severe moves than a failed roll (which gives the gm the ability to make a hard move). there isn’t really anything harder to do to a character than kill them, but even if you wanted to argue that if clint failed the roll the hard move would’ve been ned failing and letting dani get shot, it still doesn’t change the fact that clint rolled a mixed success when slamming into the pizza hut sign at full velocity and came out of that alive (severely injured, naturally, but still alive). 

so, yeah, there’s that. and then theres the fact that griffin doesn’t ever give us any other scenes involving ned directly. ned only becomes a reference from 28 on, which is so disappointing given ned’s importance to the other two pcs. and i understand that the mcelroys have a lot of trauma related to death, but griffin shouldn’t have killed ned off then if he did not want to talk about death in graphic detail. we all have trauma. we all want to avoid topics. but to kill ned off and then never talk about his death in great relation to the others is a genuine disservice to ned’s character. 

the day episode 28 aired was the same day i buried my grandmother. i would have loved if death wasn’t brought up, but i don’t control the podcast. the mcelroys do; they had the ability to avoid this topic in a more servicing way to the characters and they didn’t. that isn’t to say they are bad people for not doing it, but it makes the finale even more disappointing because it means we never get the full rounding out of ned’s character arc. he becomes this like brief reference that is, once again, angst-bait or emotional fuel and i feel like he didn’t deserve that. he deserved a genuine reference, a genuine moment. even a dream sequence i would have appreciated!!! 

griffin had sylvain directly point at ned in aubrey’s flashback in ep 35, and then did nothing about what that could have implicated in the finale. it sours the entire episode in a major way and disappointed me immensely. there should have been more done with that topic and there wasn’t and i will never forget how deeply it hurt me and turned me away from canon as a whole. not to be ned kin on main, but ned was the backbone of this show and the exact moment he left was the exact moment the whole thing went downhill. it turned less into a story about growth and adversary and amnesty and more into a waiting game for when this very loose end was going to get wrapped up. 

i wanted to enjoy this episode. i tried so hard, y’all. but just the thought of ned loomed over me the entire time and i was waiting for a more proper completion to his arc, and it never happened. and coupled with that very bad and skeevy duck/minerva bit i was just so frustrated and hurt last night. 

so, yeah, that’s my whole spiel. you are free to disagree with me, but keep that opinion to yourself because i’m not getting into it with anyone. i will just block you; it’s better for us both, anyway. 

[kvndeathmusic]

my favorite records of the 2010s pt 1 (the less great stuff/honorable mentions)

Neither this post or its followup are going to be in any particular order, however all the records I talk about here are, in my opinion, not as good as the records i will talk about in my part 2. they’re all fantastic but these ones slightly a little less fantastic than the ones in my “top 10″. none of this is based on stuff like 'influence' or whatever other critics base their lists on, this is solely how much I enjoyed these records. And keep in mind, I'm only human, I havent listened to a good lot of records I've heard others describe as top 10 worthy, these are just records I found and that I resonate with. long post ahead. 

Vacation - Bomb the Music Industry (2011)

If you asked me what my favorite band is i will either say bomb the music industry or jeff rosenstock, but considering those are pretty much the same things it doesnt matter lol. While Vacation isnt a perfect record, it is one I love. It lacks some of the ska elements that I love about earlier BTMI records, but at the same time, it is the first record where Jeff’s “””solo””” career sound starts to form in tracks like Sick, Later, Hurricane Waves, Everybody That You Love, Everybody That Loves You, and Vocal Coach. And these tracks are all fantastic, especially the absolutely explosive opener Campaign For a Better Weekend. Where this album suffers in my mind is the fact that it exists as a weird hybrid middle ground between BTMI and modern Jeff Rosenstock, it isn’t really ska like old BTMI and it’s not quite to the same standard as the tracks on We Cool?. And some of the songs are just, not as good as the others, like Why, Oh Why, Oh Why (Oh Oh Oh Oh), which is washed out almost entirely in reverb, and tracks like Savers feeling barren and missing additional instrumentation. But fuck man I can not dislike this record or just call it “ok” because despite this I still listen to this record a lot, it’s so catchy and fun and Im a bit too chronically addicted to btmi. 

Reflektor - Arcade Fire (2013)

i dont really get the hate/mixed feelings others have with this record. there’s so many good tracks dude!!!! sure theres a bit of a slump in the middle and it doesnt reach the same emotional heights as their previous records you gotta be ignorant to overlook this records strengths. while i do like The Suburbs more than Reflektor, man i just vibe HARD with some of these tracks; the title track, We Exist, Here Comes The Night Time, Normal Person, Awful Sound (Oh Eurydice), Porno, and ESPECIALLY Afterlife. Plus the cover art is cool and I like it. However Flashbulb Eyes is one of the worst tracks Arcade Fire has ever put out and I hate it immensely. And while far less offensive, tracks like You Already Know, It’s Never Over (Hey Orpheus), and Joan of Arc are just kinda boring and/or uninteresting. Now granted, I'm extremely biased when it comes to Arcade fire in general unless were talking about the trainwreck that is Everything Now. I started listening to Arcade Fire just before Reflektor came out, and I have a kinda sentimental attachment to the record. ill explain the feeling more when i talk about The Suburbs. anticipation oooooo.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar (2012)

i might get crucified by some for not putting this in my top 10, but whatever come at me i guess. gkmc is a fantastic record, but i do think the ending is weak, which is why it’s here instead of in the top 10. i mean, let’s be real, Real is a mediocre track, and while Dying of Thirst is an important track to the whole narrative of the record, it feels way too long. almost everything else about this record is fantastic, from the beats, to kendrick’s nasally flows, to the overall structure of the record spinning a tale of a young man battling demons both inside and out, and his eventual redemption. even if i find this record at times to drop pace, it really is flawless otherwise. it felt like a disservice to put this in the 20-10s, bc it’s a good record, but i had to make some compromises and this was one of them. 

RTJ2 - Run The Jewels (2014)

el-p and killer mike are a perfect duo, and the tracks they make together are always total bangers. and for me, RTJ2 is the best overall, with RTJ3 in a close second. it’s hard to put this on the lower half of the list, some of the tracks just don’t work as well as the others, but despite that there’s not really any tracks i hate or dislike on this record, minus maybe crown. the pure aggression in the opening track Jeopardy sets the tone for an aggressive yet highly focused record. This is some of the best rap out there right now if you want some music to fuck shit up to. 

Pure Comedy - Father John Misty (2017)

This record is both hilarious and extremely bleak. Josh Tillman is a master of satire and sarcasm, and Pure Comedy is the peak of his songwriting skills. The title track is one of the best tracks of the decade, period. And he keeps up the momentum on the following few tracks. The main problem with this record is its weaker second half, but even then it’s criminal to suggest that those songs aren’t good regardless. And despite the bleakness, the one line that sticks in my head after all this time is the line this album fades out to: There’s nothing to fear.

Knife Man - AJJ (2011)

Continuing on the trend of folky, satirical, and bleak records, Knife Man is AJJ’s defining record (next to their debut LP). AJJ blends loud, punky anthems with quieter, folk tracks that touch on sensitive issues in a way only AJJ manages to get away with. And there’s some genuine heart mixed in as well, with the final track Big Bird always striking a chord with me. However, I do feel the record is, let’s just say, padded at times in my opinion. Still, I can’t deny how much i enjoy tracks like Gift of the Magi 2, Hate Rain on Me, The Distance, and Skate Park. Speaking of which when I saw AJJ live recently they played none of those songs and that kinda sucked but hey it was like $20 I can’t complain. And speaking of not getting what I wanted...

You Won’t Get What You Want - Daughters (2018)

It was hard choosing between this record and their 2010 self titled record, but in terms of the overall narrative and variety this record shines through. If there was a number 11 spot in this unorganized list this would probably take that spot. It’s noisey, it’s abrasive, and it’s like nothing you’ve heard before unless you’ve listened to Daughter’s previous records. Tracks like The Reason They Hate Me are catchy in the weirdest and most unwelcoming of ways, Less Sex sounds like a long lost Trent Reznor NIN track, and Guest House is a masochistic and gut wrenching finisher. Fantastic record aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

We Cool? - Jeff Rosenstock (2015)

It’s obvious that I had to include this record somewhere on these list. It’s like a more refined version of the sounds that Jeff experimented with on Vacation. Definitely more punk than ska, but still some of those roots still shine through, especially in the track Nausea. Some of Jeff’s best songs are on this record, from the loud opening tracks Get Old Forever and You, In Weird Cities, to tracks dripping with bittersweet and moody lyrics like I’m Serious, I’m Sorry and Polar Bear or Africa. The main reason this record is on the back end of the top 20 is because the deeper cuts on the record do not match the energy and heights of the best tracks. Tracks like All Blissed Out, The Lows, Darkness Records and Beers Again Alone don’t feel like they belong and stick out a bit. They remind me more of the material Jeff put out on his 2012 EP I Look Like Shit. Mind you they aren’t bad tracks, but I’ll be honest I skip them often when listening to the record because i just wanna get back to the good good stuff. 

Sports - Modern Baseball (2012)

Sports is one of the best pop punk records ever, if you can even consider it as such. It’s like a blend of emo and folk punk, and it works so well. A good majority of this record is on my main shuffle playlist. Is it pushing boundaries? Not really, but tracks like Re-Do, Tears Over Beers, and See Ya, Sucker are undeniably catchy and memorable. I NEED MODERN BASEBALL BACK TOGETHER RN. There’s not really anything that wrong with the record, besides maybe lacking in variety, but at 30 minutes, it’s a record that feels nostalgic even on a first listen, and continues to feel that way even after numerous re-listens. Speaking of nostalgia...

The Suburbs - Arcade Fire (2010)

Some background, when I was 13 (circa 2013), I only really listened to whatever my parents put on for me. From my mom, I “inherited” a taste for classic pop and 80s new wave. From my dad, I got metal and hard rock. The first time I made the conscious decision to listen to a record fully, based on my own curiousity, was when I sat and listened to Sgt. Pepper in the summer of 2013, which broadened the scope of what I thought music could even be. And later that year, the first band I got into after The Beatles? Arcade Fire. When I think of my early teens, the memories are set to this record. I remember listening to Ready to Start in my brother’s old hot ass car while driving to the local fair with some friends on a chill fall night, eating tons of junk and staying up past midnight back when doing that was edgy and cool and not a symptom of my depression. 

If I was judging this record solely by its best tracks, it would easily be in the top 3. But I couldn’t place it in my top 10 because, frankly, some of the deeper cuts are lacking. I can’t say I like Deep Blue. I really don’t like Rococo. And Half Light I kills the pace of the record. But man, that title track, Ready to Start, Modern Man, Empty Room, Half Light II, Sprawl II... these songs defined my early teen years. I still tear up listening to the title track. Sure I have to skip a few songs when I re-listen, but I can’t place it any lower or my heart will break. It existing outside of the top 10 already hurts. And that’s all that’s left now. The top 10. 

But first, some random honorable mentions that didn’t make this list:

Sound & Color - Alabama Shakes

Black Star - David Bowie

Saturation II - BROCKHAMPTON

Melophobia - Cage the Elephant

Teens of Style - Car Seat Headrest

How to Leave Town - Car Seat Headrest

Daughters - Daughters

Sunbather - Deafheaven

Bottomless Pit - Death Grips

Year of the Snitch - Death Grips (should be on this list tbh)

Doris - Earl Sweatshirt

I Love You, Honeybear - Father John Misty

Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes

Plastic Beach - Gorillaz

Boarding House Reach - Jack White

POST- - Jeff Rosenstock

S/T - Joyce Manor

Firepower - Judas Priest

ye - Kanye West

KIDS SEE GHOSTS - KSG

You Were There - Kill Lincoln

Flying Microtonal Banana - King Gizzard

Infest The Rats’ Nest - King Gizzard

No New World - Mass of the Fermenting Dregs

Bury Me At Makeout Creek - Mitski

Puberty 2 - Mitski

Unsilent Death - Nails

Itekoma Hits - Otoboke Beaver

Morbid Stuff - PUP

A Moon Shaped Pool - Radiohead

RTJ3 - Run the Jewels

Angles - The Strokes

To Be Kind - Swans

Undertale OST - Toby Fox

Scum Fuck Flower Boy - Tyler, The Creator 

Igor - Tyler, The Creator

Weezer (White Album) - Weezer

nightlife - yuragi

[smoochews]

what are your favorite writers and your top favorite works from them?? like a top ten

I saw this ask in the middle of work and I wanted to scream aksldfjalks I’m gonna tell you rn that I got really overwhelmed with the amount of authors that have earned a spot in my top favs that I actually cut this to just the authors that I have most recently visited (this counts as returning multiple times to reread a certain fic… which happens… a lot)

@arckook Ria is one of the first authors I ever read from for k-pop fanfiction. Until Ria, I was just highkey on that Haikyuu volleyball gays/imagines and I’d like to believe that she was one of the main reasons why I began to invest myself heavily into the kpop fandom. I’m always amazed with each piece she releases. Her style is so unique and hypnotizing. There’s a big section in my heart reserved just for Ria that I don’t have enough words to convey. plz support. plz love. she’s the best

- To The Stars (Jungkook, BTS): Zombie Apocalypse AU, Enemies to Lovers AU, series, violence, angst, drama

This read is not for the light hearted. You have been warned. You will sob hysterically. You will feel rage seep into your bones. You will punch a hole in your screen. MC is an entire badass, but so broken and vulnerable; somehow she manages to keep herself together and carry on. Even when she hates Jungkook with every cell in her body, she makes sure to keep him alive, watch his six, just as he does for her. There’s only a handful of works that have kept me as heavily invested and on my toes every step of the way. And that list begins with To The Stars

 @brokeandjetlagged I cannot tell you how many times I’ve made a fool out of myself in public while reading Bailey’s work…. like lord help me I can’t stay in my chair…

- We Take A Shot (Baekhyun, EXO): Office AU, boss!Baekhyun, one-shot, fluff

Even after re-reading it 2-3 times, I cannot help the obnoxious laughter escaping my mouth….sounding something along the lines of a screeching seagull. Dorky Baekhyun trying to be Mr. Businessman really killed me. LIKE PLZ THE HOVER BOARD asdfjsj I’m laughing just thinking about it

- Hurt Me, Heal Me (Yixing, EXO): Hospital AU, nurse!Yixing, one-shot, fluff

Honestly, I would pay to be Baekhyun in that moment. Someone kick me in the face if that meant I could spend some time with nurse Yixing. He’s so adorable and I highly relate to MC being a mess when he thinks that she’s Baek’s girlfriend. Overall, this fic makes my heart go kyuu~

- Bromance .2 (Minseok, EXO) : College AU, frat!Minseok, enemies to lovers AU, series (ish), fluff, smut, drama

enemies to lovers…. honestly I’m not entirely sure of what to say other than that you should read it

@sehun-smut ngl. one of the reasons, besides me passing out, that this rec list took so long to make is bc I stopped to re-read both of these fics…. no ragrats… I don’t think you’ll understand until you read all of their work… so like… you know what to do…

- Business in the Front (Baekhyun,EXO): Restaurant AU (ish), one-shot, smut

Older Baekhyun is a kink okay. I’ve never wanted to call someone daddy more in my life than while reading this fic… and like to begin with it’s hard for me to imagine Baek being zaddy, so that should say A LOT.

- Deceitful (Chanyeol, EXO) - Mafia AU, series, smut, violence

I think this is the first honeytrapper fic I’ve ever read in my life. I mean I was aware of the job description but not the actual title. I must say I’m thoroughly aroused and equally terrified.

 @exhoe-imagines I really adore Ruby and Jewels. Like, they’re so funny and interactive with their followers; and their content is always breath taking. highkey power couple energy

- Can’t Hold Back (Jongdae, EXO): Enemies to Lovers AU, one-shot, smut, drama, slight angst

You already know Jongdae is fucked the minute he sees MC’s bathing suit on the ground while she’s in the pool. You already know that when he went home that evening, his meat was begging for mercy by the end of the night. jfladskjf okay I’m gross, I know, but carrying on– the growth between Jongdae’s and MCs relationship is really heartwarming. Could not have asked for more from this fic

- Lucky (Baekhyun + Chanyeol, EXO): College AU, one-shot, smut

So…. let’s talk about the elephant in the room… or should we say two? bc there is definitely more than one trunk for MC to handle… so…. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET WREKT MC

@yehet-me-up I will never not be in love with Sarah. Her Exodus Mall series really takes me back home. Often times when I’m feeling down and sick, I return to Sarah’s page and re-read that series. To say the least, I find home in Sarah’s writing.

- The Problem With Wanting (Kyungsoo, EXO): Mall AU, series, fluff, slight angst, smut

listen to this song and just take it in…. I think this was the first fic I read from the Exodus series and it will always hold a special place in my heart. This fic in particular is what I find myself coming back to again and again, time after time, and I always feel renewed. I feel youthful. More like… you know that feeling you get when you realize you’re falling in love with someone? That’s this. Please read. Please.

- Disqualified (Kyungsoo, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, one-shot, angst, fluff

Imagine twisting a knife in your gut and slowly removing it through the opposite side of your body. That’s this fic. But like. With love. askdjflksjd I really love the way Sarah portrays Kyungsoo. Her descriptions of his thoughts, mannerisms and quirks make me feel like I’m watching a movie. Everything is so distinct and the atmosphere feels tangible. idk words. I just love Sarah.

@snakescript I don’t know too much about this author but I’m totally and completely enamored with their writings. 

- Make The Devil Cry (Taeyong, NCT) : College AU, one-shot, light angst, smut

I’m weak for the “playboy” tamer… and tbh I feel like this would be Taeyong irl. Hard and complex to the eyes of an observer, but a major softy and sweet pea to the eyes of a listener. I’m upset of how little attention this fic has bc the world is really missing out on a diamond.

- Face Like Thunder (Chanyeol, EXO): Mythology/Greek God AU, one-shot, light angst, fluff

I would like to file a complaint. My heart is crying and my love for Chanyeol is soaring and I’m ACHE FOR THE MAN. Lmao I’m not even a Chanyeol stan but this fic got me thinkin’

@johobi you can always count on Jo to make you cream your pants in the middle of Target (stay away from the baby section kids)

- Bloom / Snared (Yoonji/Yoongi, BTS): Mafia AU, smut

honestly, Yoonji can wipe the floor with my body, in pool of my own blood, and I would thank her. I really really love the way Jo depicts Yoonji here. I can just feel that fem fetal power and that in itself got me ruining my underwear.

- Tooth and Claw (Jungkook, BTS) : Werewolf AU, smut

I’ve never related to furry more in my life than while I read this fic. high key wanna be rawed and torn in half by his king kong schlong … idk how MC survived, but she’s my idol.

- Dig Deep + Interval (Yoongi, BTS): Space AU, smut

I’m ngl. I really went to Pornhub and looked up tentacle porn after reading this. Y’all can @ me, roast me if you like,,,, but you’re a got-damn liar if you say this doesn’t get your blood pumping. p sure I wrote this on my tags but i didn’t even know I liked tentacle porn until then…. I hate myself

 @bread-jinie idk where to start…. there are so many things I can say about Kat…… im tongue-tied…. 

- Wings (Chanyeol, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, angst, fluff

I think this fic is my favorite work Kat has written so far. It’s like she knows the right words to tug the strings of my heart and play me like a puppet. A heartbroken but hopeful puppet. MC and Chanyeol always looking at each other but never at the same time breaks me; thankfully, the ending patches me back together.

Honorable mentions bc I’ve grown v tired and cannot continue with full details for info regarding everything, in addition to the fact that I’m inpatient and I want to post this ASAP:

@kollectionn GOD SENT. DO NOT PLAY AROUND. YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. THE WORLD WILL END AS YOU KNOW IT. THEN BE REBORN FROM THE ASHES AS C WILLS IT SO. (sorry for the all caps but I feel INTENSELY about C and her works of art; If I can recall correctly, I believe she said that she would begin to write her own non-fanfic when she finds the time. I think she has the power and ability to write best selling novels that would leave J.K. Rowling quaking in her boots. Plz go and love C. Don’t ask for updates. Just show her all the love she deserves and more; I haven’t been lately and I feel terrible for it; I hope she knows I love her!!!)

@dropsofletters lemme tell you somm’… this author is so talented and diverse in her work that I find myself scattered with the amounts of fandom’s she holds in her clutch. I’m so thankful to have found her page on this godforsaken website bc she caters so much to this world. Talented. Spectacular. Amazing. Blessing to Society. I don’t think I’ve found any multi-fandom writers that has spread out as far as she has. She’s one of those authors that has exactly what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what it is. An Angel.

@layhyunnie beautiful. ethereal. whimsical. Inspiring. I mean literally inspiring. I wrote a few drabbles after reading Guardian bc I wanted to try and bring to life a world outside of our own, to step outside reality, just like I felt while reading their work. 

- Guardian (Yixing, EXO): Supernatural AU, series, fluff

Again… I’m v tired… so here’s a short list of authors I meant to add here, along with their fics/full details of why I love them:

@knockknocksoosthere / @underthejoon @marshmallow-phd @kpopfanfictrash @yeolology @yeolology @whimsical-ness @remembeo @lofiexo @nochugguk @noona-clock @noonachronicles @oilblotter @soobadnoonecanstopher

((If you would like to know more about my interests in the unfinished authors, or any authors above for that matter, then please leave me an ask!! I will answer them when I am no longer tired akjsjdf I cannot reply via chat as this is only a side blog))

[sunnysidewrites]

Assassin!Seungcheol Pt 1

Requested by anon: Can please request a seungcheol mafia au with angst and fluff 💘 

hi lil anon i was actually already planning on writing this au right before you requested! I hope this was something along the lines of what you were looking for!! happy bday to papa cheols he is sUCH A BIAS WRECKER!! AND IM SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! THIS ALMOST SURPASSED WOLF!WONWOO’S LENGTH JLSDJFDLS I WILL DO A PART 2 IF PEOPLE WANT IT!!!

also I was in the middle of writing this when all of a sudden i got a notification that @cheollies posted one and i was like oMG ARE U SERIOUS HERS IS SO MUCH BETTER!! go check hers out IM SO IN LOVE WITH HER WRITING OMG SHE GIVES ME INSPIRATION!!! my au takes a different direction bUT I FIND IT FUNNY HOW WE BOTH DID IT LMAO

warnings: fluff and a whole lotta angst, mention of some violence

Part 1 | Part 2 (Finale)

Yes another one

I apparently really like assassin and vigilante aus bc,,,, just look at wonwoo’s

I just kiNDA LIVE FOR THIS TROPE LEAVE ME A LO N E

anyways birthday boi papa cheols can run me over with this au bye

Seungcheol had always been involved in the shady realm of business

His father was a politician and,,,, well he wasn’t bad but he wasn’t good either

Seungcheol, however, thought his father did some questionable things

His suspicions were confirmed one day

“You’re gonna need to protect me”

And lil cheollie was like ???? what do you mean dad????

“Son, I have a lot of enemies, and that’s inevitable when you have this type of job. I don’t trust anyone else to do this job,,, so,,,,,,”

Poor smol cheols is still really confused like dad im still not understanding

“I need you to,,,,, take care,,,,,, of some people for me”

“Take care?? Like help them when they’re sick???”

“Sure…. Sick…. Let’s go with that”

And from then on, seungcheol started this dirty job his father brainwashed him into doing

He was only in middle school when he had to do his first “mission”

Since his dad didn’t want him to do anything big just yet, he only had cheols start off by dropping in poison discreetly in drinks

His missions slowly started to grow larger and next thing you know Seungcheol is taking up self defense classes

He’s now in his early 20’s and,,,,

His heart has completely hardened

I’m sad now

All he thinks about is how his father will be proud for completing whatever current mission he needs to do

The reassuring words of “i’m proud” always made him feel overjoyed,,,, his father had never once said that to him even when Seungcheol had good grades or brought his team to first place in the football championships,,,,

No. His father only congratulated him every time he took care of an “inconvenience.”

“If this is what I have to do to get him to notice me,,,,, then I’ll do it.”

His father is in the middle of negotiating with another distinguished political figure,,, but things aren’t going very well

Being the manipulative person he is, cheol’s father is blackmailing the man to give in

“You wouldn’t want anything to happen to your daughter,,,,, do you?”

“,,,,,You wouldn’t. Leave her out of this and settle this like a real man.”

“Oh, but I most certainly would, Park. Do not test me.”

The man mulls it over in thought before caving in

Ofc,,, seungcheol doesn't know about the dirty work his father does himself

He only thinks there's a reason for why his father has a need to get rid of bad men, and he just goes along with it

At this point he’s completely void of warmth and nurture

Whatever his father orders him to do, he does it without hesitation whatsoever

Until,,,, he meets,,,,

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” you apologize for running into someone

He doesn’t have time to deal with this since he’s on his way to meet his father but he takes one look at your face and he is star!! struck!!

“A-ah,,,, it’s alright; I wasn’t looking either,” he says with a dazed look

And you’re like oh good sorry about that again!! And you rush off to wherever you’re going

He watches you leave but then he’s like o right i gotta meet dad

The rest of the day he just has thoughts on the stranger he bumped into

His next mission is to get rid of the man’s daughter, but he can’t immediately kill her just quite yet

His father tells him to wait it out if the man pulls any tricks on him

But as for now, the father is holding off any missions for cheols bc the other politician is his main concern rn, and there doesn’t seem to be anything shady just yet

Cheols is like welp ok guess i’ll just,,,,,,chill or smth,,,,,,

And cheols hasn’t had free time in a loooong time so he’s kinda unsure what to exactly do

He decides to just go to the gym and hang out around a mall or smth like he literally does not know what to do

He’s at a nearby mall one day just chilling on a bench and sipping his smoothie he bought from the food court when he suddenly sits upright

A few shops down is the same person he bumped into!!!

You’re on a lonely shopping spree that consists of just window shopping and going around to stores that seem to have cute clothes

And he’s just like ,,,,,,,,what are the chances of meeting her again,,,,,,,,

He casually walks over at a reasonable distance where he’s far enough to not seem like a stalker but close enough to have you in sight

When he sees you heading out of the store he just casually bumps into you

“Oh sorry -- omg it’s you!” you say pointing your finger at him

And he’s like lmao :) yes :) it is me :) totally coincidental :)

“It’s alright,,, i’m already used to it ;)”

And you’re like l m a o,,, k then

“Are you by yourself?”

“Well,,, just having some me time” you raise your hands to gesture to the bags in your hand

“You look like you can use some company ;)” cheols pls

And you’re like ahhaahaha,,,,,, well not realllllly LOL but,,,,, you can join if you’d like,,,,,,, or smth,,,,,

And that’s how you got Seungcheol to spontaneously join you in what you originally intended to be your me time

When you had to get going, he was like you wanna,, exchange numbers so we can do this again??

And you’re like ,,,,,,,,sure

Smooth cheol not really bye

You guys keep this up for the next few weeks, either you hitting him up to “have someone accompany you,” or him seeing what you’re up to and joining you regardless bc “you need someone to protect you”

I mean you lowkey do tho

You grow closer to Seungcheol but you’re utterly oblivious to what he does behind the scenes

And quite frankly, he wants it to stay that way

For once, he was not shunned bc of his work and he wants to keep it that way

He’s finally met someone who’s overlooked everything he’s ever wanted to hide and he doesn’t ever want that to be taken away from him

You and seungcheol have grown so close that you guys don’t even bother to use an excuse to see each other like how you did the first week or so of meeting each other

“Hey let’s go down to the new cafe down the street”

“Be there in 10”

Seungcheol didn’t realize how deep he fell until he saw you with another guy

Once the person leaves, he sidles up next to you and starts badgering you

“Who was that guy”

“What did he want”

“I think he was standing a little too close to you”

“He didn’t try anything funny, did he?”

“fOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHEOL THAT WAS MY COUSIN”

“....still”

And he’s like i don’t like it when guys get too close to you

And you’re like why do you even care so much?????

“Bc,,,,,,,,,,i like you you don’t know self-defense”

And you’re like uM IM NOT WEAK

“Try throwing me over”

“You’re like twice my size wtf”

“dO IT”

And you’re like ,,,,,,,,ok fine i’m weak

And the way you’re pouting and playfully hitting his arm

It’s all it takes for him to laugh with a twinkle in his eyes and he realizes

He’s in love

The curve of your lips, the crinkle of your eyes,,,, it’s enough to set him off

He only stands there staring at you and you’re like ????

“Earth to cheols???” you wave your hand in front of his face thinking he spaced out

You have a very perplexed look on your face and he’s like okAY I CAN’T TAKE THIS

He grabs your face and you’re like uH????????????

“You need to stop”

“Stop,,,, what? What do i need to stop????”

“Being so vulnerable. You only make yourself more irresistible”

And before you can even ask him what he means by that, he juST PULLS YOU IN AND KISSES YOU

And you’re like o H MY GO D WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT

But the warmth emitting from his body and the softness of his lips make you wanna dIE and you both soon engage in a passionate kiss

You hadn’t realized you liked him until that moment

You,,,, love him

You both break away, completely breathless

“You’re too irresistible, I couldn’t handle it”

“Shut up and kiss me again”

Soon enough you have to part ways and call it a day and both of you are essentially floating back home on cloud 9

You close your door and lean against it, bringing your hand up to your lips

You,,, had your first kiss,,,,,,

Meanwhile back at home, Seungcheol is trying to keep his heart and thoughts from racing

He can still feel your body under his and just merely thinking about it makes him break out into a gigantic foolish grin

The next day, you text him to see if he wants to go check out the ice cream parlor

But,,,,,, you never get a response

You’re thinking he’s probably busy doing something but,,, he doesn’t respond the entire day

Nor does he respond the entire week after that

And you’re just,,,,,,, really hurt and confused

“Where,,, did i go wrong???”

You thought the feelings were mutual that night,,,, now suddenly he got cold feet and left you like this????

Two weeks pass and you still hadn’t heard of anything from him

You text and call him but to no avail

You’re just about to give up contacting him after calling him for the fifth time but you suddenly hear a voice that you’ve been waiting for

“Hello?”

“Cheol what happened to you! I thought,,,, i thought,,,, you didn’t wanna see me anymore,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

And there’s silence on the other end

“Cheol, are you still there?”

“Look,,,,,,, y/n,,,,,, we can’t do this”

Your heart sinks

“W-what can’t we do?”

“This was never gonna work out,,, we should just end it here”

“Cheol, i don’t understand, let’s just meet up and talk--”

“No! Y/N, forget it! Forget everything we did. Forget about us. Forget,,, forget about me.”

“Cheol, stop talking nonsense--”

And the line cuts.

Your arm limply falls and drops the phone

You can’t eat or sleep for the next few days

A week later you return to the same cafe you bumped him at and a small inkling of you wants to meet him but at the same time you don’t know what would happen if you did

You end up going to the cafe every day because of that stupid little small spark of hope inside of you,,,, you keep telling yourself you’ll never see him again but,,,, your feet keep taking you there

Just around the corner of a building across the street, Seungcheol sees you desperately trying to find any signs of him

He grips his gun

“I’m sorry dad,,,, i can’t do it this time”

Might make part 2 if there’s a good response!!!!

[system-architect]

gonna be doin some late additions to that ask meme since i was asked a bunch...! it’s a lot for four dif chars so i’ll be splitting it up into two posts. i might have to skip a few questions but we’ll see

here’s the gunner and xinn edition! i was asked uhhh... 1-6 and 9-19

gunner first!

Their physical weak spots: gunner is speedy and evades a lot, but can’t take too many solid hits in general-- anything that disarms him or messes with his ability to move/think fast will hamper him a lot. he’s actually mostly primarily weak to over-exerting his magic and making himself sick/’irradiated’ Their emotional/moral weak spots: he can be too stoic and too cocky and launch into things headfirst without properly assessing the situation or consulting his allies Scars or painful spots: his right arm/side is aaaalllllllll leyline scars! Best places to kiss on their body: he is partial to shoulder/upper back/neck/jaw/near ear kisses. also scar kisses Guilty pleasures: it’s not a guilty pleasure so much as a Secret Pleasure but gunner’s surprisingly talented at baking/cooking. he’s also very into sweets specifically chocolate Their vices (physical or emotional): it’s not particularly severe for him, but he sometimes turns 2 Substances when hyper stressed Humiliating memories: god i’m sure there’s a Lot but i gotta develop him more here. he probably has quite a few from growing up in novus but not being much of a typical asura. plus some embarrassing combat defeats Fears/phobias: afraid he’s gonna squandered his extended lifespan and amount to nothing despite that, afraid he’s gonna end up losing everything he has again like he did in the chak attack on rata novus, afraid he’s just been constantly making the wrong decisions and everything that’s happened to him is his fault and that he could’ve solved it if he was just Better, afraid that bad things are going to just keep happening to him Bad or petty habits: god he can be very stubborn and petty and aggressive or passive aggressive at times... he has a bad habit of overfocusing on himself and not considering others in a situation Grudges and vendettas: he’s got a grudge against Every Single Chak and will go out of his way to kill them. he loathes the inquest for all the shit they’ve done to ppl he loves and all the havoc they’ve caused with his DNA, and he’s also still bitter at zinn for leaving his people behind (he was very.. smug when he learned how zinn died) What gets them flustered: gunner is very strongly emotional despite acting stoic so it’s pretty easy to get him riled up into an argument... anything about synergetics or related to ppl gunner cares for or his fighting strats is a 1 way ticket to Yell Town Ingrained habits/forces of habit: he’s crossing his arms like 24/7 and he’s also a very paranoid person who is constantly surveying the area and whips his head about every time he hears A Noise.. he’s on his tactical survivalist fighter game like all the time What it takes to make them cry: takes a LOT to make him cry bc he bottles those emotions hardcore. things related to his parents or setting off his “alchemy why me, why do bad things keep happening to ME??” complex will do it Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’: he keeps the novan thing concealed but u all here on tumblr get to be privvy to it. he’s also very clammed up about how the mists affected him... Regrets: he’s constantly picking over and scrutinizing his past actions, big and small, and wondering how he could’ve done things better or if he could’ve prevented such huge messes by acting a little differently Things they’ll never admit: he’s bottled this a whole ton so he tends to be less aware of it tbh, but inside he’s a big huge softie who’s very emotional about a lot and he should bottle things less and he wants more gentleness in his life. he has a hard time admitting to himself that showing emotions isn’t Bad People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them: depends a lot on the situation.... idk much specifics but gunner def has had to kill people and generally views it as a survival necessity (think like, fighting enemies ingame-- bandits, centaurs, djinn, whatever). he doesn’t like needless killing. whenever he does have to kill someone he’s slightly crestfallen a bit, he does trudge onwards but the general concept he gets hung up on was how that person had a whole world and spirit inside them and he’s put that to an end now

aaaaaaaaand here’s xinnux--

Their physical weak spots: xinn is speedy and can put great force behind stabbing/throwing with his knives/machetes but he mostly marches in with his pets to attack things, so anything that disarms him or impedes his movement or separates him from his pets will render him useless. good luck catching him tho he’s like a mouse on red bull Their emotional/moral weak spots: xinnux is Les Enfants he gets emotional and confused about a whole lot of things. he doesn’t have a bad bone in his body but he’s still figuring out how morality works; he doesn’t quite Conceptualize death and good vs bad yet Scars or painful spots: he’s got a lot of weird scars from inquest tests and he doesn’t like any of them, they physically hurt and remind him of Bad Things Best places to kiss on their body: i’m just gonna slide in here for future ref, xinn physically appears to be 20 atm (his bday was nov 25th! woo!) but he is literally two years old and the narrative handles him as a child!! (xinn being a child who’s not been given a childhood and has been forced to grow up fast is Very Much a plot point, even!) so i’m not gonna b answerin any kind of questions about romance/sexuality for xinn. xinn is a toddler in a big boy’s body, he has dirt to crawl around in and retrieve bugs from, that’s his life atm he doesn’t mess with adult business like this Guilty pleasures: xinn feels guilty about nothing. he WILL binge eat what he pleases. he WILL ‘accidentally’ steal things. he WILL just literally do whatever he wants at any time. the concept of feeling guilty for something that is fun is like, beyond him Their vices (physical or emotional): this isn’t rlly a vice but like i said since xinn has a hard time conceptualizing things like death and pain, he will sometimes be a bit cruel in his treatment towards others, but it’s out of obliviousness and not direct malice.. he def has a strong sense of empathy he just.. doesn’t Understand things.... (think about when you were a kid and were cruel to animals not bc you hated them but bc you were a tiny untamed infant monkey who acted on instinct and “i want to touch that”, but the thought of “this thing might not enjoy being touched” wasn’t something that occurred to you because your tiny walnut brain couldn’t compute that yet. that’s about xinn’s predicament.) Humiliating memories: there’s probably a few memories he has of bouts with the inquest and tryin to run away but bein wrangled back into his cell and he’s like, embarrassed about his lack of strength there whilst also bein seething mad at the inquest for this all Fears/phobias: A Lot. he’s filled with fear and doesn’t quite process any of it. right now he just knows that feeling hurty things is bad and he feels that and he doesn’t like it. he is also really afraid he will never be Normal and it’s not really a fear he can do much about, or rlly directly a fear, but he’s very bitter and sad about not getting to be a kid and just be born and have a normal childhood. more normal phobia wise, he hates small enclosed spaces with no easy exits, and he hates doctor-related stuff, and he hates being alone Bad or petty habits: xinn can be very stubborn and if he’s told not to do something he will usually run off and try to do it either out of ignorance or just, direct spite Grudges and vendettas: big big ol grudge against all inquest/former inquest. except the one who let him free, that guy’s cool. fuck everyone else tho What gets them flustered: challenging xinn to an argument on literally anything will get him very mad very fast and he doesn’t know how to argue. it VERY LITERALLY will turn into arguing with a child Ingrained habits/forces of habit: he’s always scanning for exits in a room What it takes to make them cry: not much. xinn cries easily, though he does hate crying in front of people and tries to stop it. he doesn’t like bein reminded of his past and also he hates being told he’s wrong or that he can’t do something Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’: not rlly a Dark Secret uh, despite being physically 20 he still a lot of the time really wants to be treated like a kid and just entrust himself to parental units and be fussed over jhkgd he does fluctuate on this tho and can absolutely get very “no im adult!!!” too Regrets: the childhood thing i guess? he also feels regret when he unknowingly acts cruelly and it adversely affects someone/something. rn his brain is still forming the concepts of regret, really Things they’ll never admit: xinn can’t really form his brain around concepts like this. he doesn’t particularly have anything complex going on that he would never admit. he has stuff that’s tough to admit, but he does a poor job of hiding it People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them: i’m sure he’s killed at least one person and probably some critters and like i’ve mentioned he doesn’t really Conceptualize death yet. he knows death is Bad but doesn’t really currently have the emotional development to put himself in other people’s heads and understand why killing someone is so bad and tragic

[lairep]

Hellooooooo~ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

I am so very touched that a lot of people are concerned about me and my life being in shambles and that makes me really, really happy. On the list of things going good in my life, you guys are right in that list. I love you guys so much ❤

I AM UNWORTHY OF YOUR LOVE BUT I WILL TAKE IT NO TAKE-BACKS, NO RETURNS, NO REFUNDS, NO SHOES, NO ENTRY

Just a rundown of some of what’s been happening and the rollercoaster ride that is my life rn: (mobile users, if the Keep Reading doesn’t work i deeply apologize aaa)

i got sick again---i got better for ONE DAY then got sick the next day like?? bruh

what’s a self-esteem and how do i acquire

some awful person resurfacing in my life, i actually got terrible heart palpitations bc god they’re such a bitch and i want them to just?? stop??? being around anywhere i can hear mention of them??

kinda relevant to the blackout: bc i’m not wherever they are, they’ve started changing shit up like “i came up with x idea, not lai” and i’m like bitch pls the only thing you ever got creative about is your bullshit---whoever believes your lies are not worthy of being my friend lbr

friendly reminder: pls don’t take credit for things you did not come up with and did not do, it’s a really gross thing to do

i went to the doctor again.

“you shouldn’t be stressed,” they said, “bc stress makes it easy for the pestilence horseman to find you“ (paraphrased)

my immune system is weak af now apparently rip

spent like a whole day just laying in bed sick, lamenting on whether or not i can ever partake in ice cream again

MY NOSE IS RUNNY AND I HATE IT SO MUCH AND MY EYES ARE WATERY TOO

bright side: i can’t babysit while sick

dark side (?): i feel useless and incapable rn

i accidentally squirted orange juices in my eye trying to peel an orange

life hack: make someone else peel an orange for you

some hilarious, kinda insulting thing and idk whether to laugh or cry: some guy has been messaging me trying to get me to go on a date with him

but he’s like lowkey tryina tell me i need to go on a diet like “hey let’s go out for a burger at this nice burger place but you’d prob want a salad haha you can be cuter tho, rly ill treat you to a salad”

and ?? my dude, im ordering 27 burgers you can’t stop me

i’d rather be stuffed full of burger than “cuter”, let me tell you right now

i mean i like salads but i like burgers more

ALL HAIL BURGERS

I SAW SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING

WATCH IT I SWEAR  

i have ideas for a crossover bc tom holland!peter parker is such a pure boy and you know who else is a pure boy?

adrien agreste

btw when i say ideas i just mean....... banter. like straight up a fanfic/comic with them just talking

also spider-man is defs the lovechild of ladybug and chat noir ill fight you on this

don’t actually fight me, im sick

hey did you know this whole bullet point post is me just being loopy fro m cold and pain relieving medicine haha aha

I HAVE A TEST ON KANJI TOMORROW, I ONLY KNOW LIKE 10 KANJI OUT OF 50 WE COVERED IM NOT READY I HAVE SNOT COMING OUTTA MY NOSE

i shouldnt be typing this i should be studying------

IM BROKE AF, I HAVE 300PHP TO MY NAME RN HOW AM I GONNA PAY MY INTERNET BILL THIS 18TH IM GOING TO DIe

(that’s about $6 for you dollar people out there)

if you read this far, pls note that the knowledge you’ve gained is forbidden knowledge

my life is in shambles

[thegeminisage]

since i FINALLY finished the comic page im gonna make the poor choice of playing zelda ALL NIGHT get ready for The Longest Post which is full of Big Super Spoilers

since lynel thoroughly kicked my can last night i need defense food and preferably stronger weapons

i technically already had more than enough shock arrows to proceed but i wanna kill him!!!!

LMFAO I JUST COOKED SOMETHING THAT GIVES ME 21 EXTRA HEARTS...HOLY FUCK

okay but in all seriousness i only have like 3 defense things........

i guess i'll try it fuck i dont feel like scouring the world for ironshrooms rn

ok. slept on the bed to get my stamina wheel & 3 hearts, will use my 21 hearts when those run out, got 3 defense things for about 14m of defense, I Can Do This

really i wish i had a one-handed weapon, two-handers are so slow :/

well here we go again :|||

lol why does my heartrate always go up for shit like smh.....

getting better at dodging

ooh he hates my ice arrows

HAHAHA I MOUNTED HIM

maybe i can get a snapchat pic

YES i did i didn't attack him in that perfect moment but hey some thing are more important

NOOO FUCK I DIED

I FORGOT TO REFRESH MY DEFENSE ELIXIR BC I HAD GOTTEN UP AND FORGOT IT WAS ALMOST OUT

JESUS FUCK

im so fucking annoyed lmao i was so close

oh well at least now i can use that whole mount

aaand again

oh. im out of ice arrows.

YIKES i forgot to refresh my thing again just for a sec and almost died

YES i got a perfect dodge purely on accident NICE!!!!

i can see everything from shatterback point, even naydra, but im too scared to jump while the beast is down there

no yk what fuck it. im turning this paraglider around

first tho i really wanna wait to see if i can catch another rainbow...they were so pretty and i lost the other pics i took when i died ):

oh!!! there it is!!!!! and i was just about to give up

ah it last such a short time - but it comes at the same time every day, around 4:05

i'm sure it won;t appear here anymore after the divine beasts knocks it off with the water though, haha

okay.......time to dive

/saves first

AHAHAHA I DID IT

WOW THAT THING IS SO HUGE UP CLOSE BYE

i mean it didnt even move im just Scared. ok

duuude i gave the lynel pic to the lady and got swim pants?! FUCKING SICK where do i get a helm

okay time to go free the divine beast!!

haha wait i came out here without defense stuff. i didn't cook anymore

oh well yolo

or actually this is a game so i live as many times as i want #determination

i do still have some extra hearts left, and stamina, and some healing items, and even some electricity elixirs, sowow!! okay! still huge!!!!!

ah i love sidon so much

he tries so hard and he's so ready and he loves his people so dearly

i bet he's gonna die lol

if it's like, a sage thing, maybe he has to replace mipha if she really is gone

jesus please don't die sidon PLEASE

OH MY GOD I GET TO RIDE ON HIS BACK?

JFC THIS MUSIC IS SO COOL!!!! AAAAKDSHFGKLJ

OH MY GOD HE'S TALKING!!! IN THE FIGHT!!!!! IM CRYING THIS IS SO COOL SKDFHBG

oh my gos he's talking he's talking there's voice acting im literally dying i cant handle!!!!!! this!!!!!! i lvoe him so much

omg omg

dude that was SO cool

and link got to ride on his back and then say goodbye!!! and sidon BELIEVES in him!!!!!!!!!!

god i wish i had gotten the helm before i did this haha i looked up the location but i don't think i can back out now

MIPHA?

MIPHA IS TALKING TO ME??

I CAN HEAR MIPHA'S VOICE

I'M CRYING I KNEW SHE WAS STILL ALIVE

i feel like she's about to die like the old man like Move On but

to see her again!!!!!!! im so emotional

oh my god oh my god

no okay i can leave and i need a second too im gonna go get the helm

apparently theres a quest you can do that doesnt give you the helm but tells you where to find it? but i can do that later rn i just want complete armor

alright nice full set hell yeah

HOLY fuck i was paragliding back and i tried to paraglide over the divine beast and it fucking OBLITERATED ME jesus CHRIST

dude there are these absolutely freaky eyeball things you gotta shoot to get rid of gunk and the music gets all creepy near them lsdksjfgh

oh no i found the cockpit but it's all closed up...is her corpse in there? her ghost? oh my god it says the terminals are unactivated

i'll be honest im a BIT stuck here i hate to have to use a guide, but

NO wait oh my god my runes!!! dumbass

i can lift the bars lol

oh my god the CONTROLS are on???

I CAN MOVE IT?? HOLY SHIT

this map is fucking 3D a 3D map!!!! in the other games they were flat holy shit!!!!

i can even see it moving on the minimap!!! holy FUCK

LMAO i was trying to move this crank with stasis and all along i needed to use magnesis. jesus

uh the music got freaky as fuck after i did the first terminal??? no?? thank you????

LOL YOU GOTTA RIDE THE TRUNK oh my god. oh my god.jesus christ

i am so small. it is so big. oh my god

I FEEL UNSAFE!

who is the boss of this dungeon? there's gotta be a boss

don't tell me i fight it

or the undead mipha

jesus god

i have had to ride this trunk 3 times now and i am not at all comfortable

reminds me of the big windmill in mirror's edge

okay yep i did all the terminals and now the music is downright terrifying!!! nice good Okay

HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT BLUE LIGHT

MIPHA?

NOT MIPHA!!!

"my demise 100 years ago" is she Really gone

omg no mipahs talking to me as i fight!!!

im straight up gonna look up what to do im too weak and defense-potionless to do this the hard way

ooh motherfucker doesnt like my shock arrows and lynel bow ahaha

huh that was actually like SUPER easy compared to some of the other stuff i've done

eeeewwwwww

MIPHA? ARE YOU ALIVE OR DEAD IN THERE? oh god oh god

holy fuck

i straight up just cried

she's a spirit and i thought she was gonna like, move on? which is sad enough

but no she's hanging around to pilot the divine beast from the afterlife

she even talked to it i was so sad it's been her only companion for a century of course she fucking talks to it

and i was staying strong!!! i was!!!!!

but she talked about how she wished she could see her dad again and i cried lmao why does this game give me dad feels of all things

i hope she gets to see her dad one more time too i'm so sad she's really dead and not alive like link

jesus fuck

oooh dorephan's talking about the master sword...gimme gimme gimme!!!

aww he was nice to sidon as everyone should be!!!!

holy shit he's really big?? i didn't realize it but he's like twice link's height JESUS

man. i am fucking wrecked lol

time to...explore...the rest of the province...i guess

i got a trident but i can never use it bc it will break. it was mipha's!!!!

on the other hand all three pieces of armor, my shield, weapon, AND bow are all zora themed i took a pic of myself to remember it by lol bc they will all break

i wonder where i should go after this...?

my brother went up to death mountain but i kinda want to do something different so we have something to tell each other about

but i kinda want to do the same so we don't spoil each other

i also REALLY wanna do the southeastmost province for some reason, all that water

tbh tho im getting ahead of myself i still have lots of this left to cover

it's getting harder to tell where i've already been, haha - when the things had borders and there was less visible that was easier

ooooh mipha's ability brings me back from death and she speaks briefly to me ;_; and it's active again in 23 minutes nice!

so i guess each champion gives you a different one and you can chose which to have active but tbh this one seems like it's gonna be the most helpful already

aww i did a little quest in kakariko to root out a theif and i love the way they built up dorian's past that's so cool

i think i was supposed to be able to pick up that yiga dude's sword tho and it glitched on me bc i was too fast :/

ugh i'm doing this oen shrine puzzle where you have to mount a male deer

and i finally mounted one after losing 10000 times and it was past some hills it wouldn't climb down

every time i find one thats close enough they fucking bolt im so fed up :|

and my sheikah sensor isn't picking up any more so i must have literally scared away all of them. fantastic. what a huge waste of time!! guess i will go somewhere else!

also can't solve the puzzle on how to open the shrine at veiled falls so im just batting a thousand today so much for sidequesting tbqh

FOUND A BLUE MANED LYNEL

SO MUCH NOPE

urgh and a blue hinox

exploring might not be worth my time either tbh

yeah no that's two shrines i haven't been able to open and this has stopped being fun, got one more ridge to explore before im done with this province - and some weird islands waaaay out there too but idk if i can get to them yet, and i'd just as soon wait until i unlocked the one next to them

yyyeah looking at them from here it makes much more sense to explore them when i get to that province

at least im all done with this one!! still plenty of sidequests and stuff, but those i can come back t more easily...it's harder to remember which terrain i have and haven't covered when i don't do it like this

i was thinking about how big the divine beast was when i saw it in the distance and

this sounds nuts but i bet im right - what if that flying island thing is a divine beast. WHAT IF

and that is The Day's Liveblog, more tomorrow, except probably not much bc of stream