#im too dehydrated to go back to sleep without water but i dont want to get out of bed. the dilemma

[synthaphone]

snails are so cute. its not fair…. thinking about how people have to be SO careful about feeding their pet snails cucumber, because it has very little nutritional value for them but a lot of types of snails LOVE it to the point of refusing to eat anything else BUT cucumber.

but its so cute that they have preferences and can be picky…. they love their snail junk food sooooo much

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. adventurer but doesn't wear tacky clothes lefty eyebag. 😌

I'm just at work now, actually playing on my switch because it is so slow, no calls or emails at all. But I am okay, woke up with a headache and really hungry 😅 It could be stress and dehydration combined.. but bleh it is what it is.

You are like my niece's mom. She would let her pick her clothes, but if it doesn't match or it looks crazy together, she will shake her head no, but will still let her wear it haha.

That's a lot of pillows! I guess I am weird though, I have a pillow but I don't use it at all. It's just on the bed for decoration.

Was it fun to ride the snow mobile? It always looks fun in the movies or shows. That and skiing. I want to try either one of them but I don't want to be in the cold that much.

Have you ever tried jetski? Or canoeing? Kayaking?

I think next year I will try to be more adventurous. I'll try doing the wall climbing and axe throwing 🤔

That picture with the trees is really pretty. I like seeing snow on trees and houses. The snow in Nebraska is nice but then after the day, when it gets plowed and all that, it is ugly to look at hahahaha.

You have parts ready and you're not sharing?? Oy vey.

Hm, if you could do anything without getting caught, what would you do?

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello you!

Sorry i fell asleep while putting em to nap, then woke up cleaning, n went to the stores to get stuff for dinner then cook dinner, n clean the kitchen n now waiting next to bathtub while em taking a bath. 😁

Hows work? Is it done yet?

U need to drink a lot of water.. or maybe stretch, i assume u probably sit a lot in a day? While working.

Haha i love that statement.. i say it often too "it is what it is." 😅

Haha yeah sometimes my way works, by giving her choices that i set up for her but sometimes she is just one stubborn princess so i just let her wear what she wants.

Haha the pillows r sleeping pillows, not just decorations pillow. So we use it.😆😅 it's mainly for him because he moves a lot when sleeping. He tossed n turn a lot, blanket or pillows can be on the floor by morning sometimes.lol.

When i sleep, i always sleep in one spot n i dont move a lot. I either sleep on my back or on my right side n always close to the edge. 😅🤣 how bout u? How do u sleep?

Oh yeah, snow mobile is fun! I love it. If u gonna try it someday, dont try the one thats only go on thr flat ground n ride it in circle.. pick the choice that let u go up on the mountain by urself because it's scarier.hahhaha.n more dangers.lol.

I hv tried both because one time when my sister came here n i wanted her to try, the company that i used to pick closed for good. So the only one thats open was.the one on the flat ground n just go around n around. It's not fun, they even told u to slow down if u go to fast. The one that goes to the mountain, u can go as fast as u can.haha.

I never tried skiing or snowboarding.

I never tried jetski nor kyaking nor canoeing. But i tried a sea doo. It was fun n scary because it goes sooooo fast n if there is a ripple or a little wave it will jump over it.hahaha. i tried it on the lake tahoe lake though. What scared me is the water is so clear u can see the bottom of it n u know it's deep. What makes me less scared is i know there is no shark or any weird sea creature. 😅

I also tried wake boarding on the lake, thats the one that u stand on a board n got pulled by a boat, that shit is hard 😅🤣 im not gonna do it anymore.. i also tried thing thats called flow rider when i was in a cruise. It's like a machine that blows fast water like u r surfing. It's fun but hard n it's not my thing.hahhaa. im not gonna do it anymore. U can google flowrider. My body got all sore the next day it wasnt even funny 😅

Oh i always wanna try wall climbing but i bet it's hard. Axe throwing, i forgot i was gonna respond to what u said about it. I think u told me there is a bar that has axe throwing n it reminds u of me? Im wondering why it remind u of me? Hahahaha. I never tried it. I hv seen a few video that sometimes the axe ricochet back to u n it kinda scares me. 😅

Haha i got what u meant, snow after get plowed look dirty 🤣🤣🤣

Haha yeah i have two parts ready i just need to proof read the whole thing n wait until everything done then post it. 😅

Hmm i dont know what i would do if i can do anything without getting caught. I guess maybe rob the bad rich people n give the money to the people who need it i guess. Or go to illegal puppy mills or the restaurant that serve dog as their food n take all the dogs n save them n destroy the place 🤣

What about u? I hope i dont sound crazy or psycho.lol.

Cheerio!

[mollydollyjournals]

Wednesday 30th June, 155lbs. Not all that happy about that... i knew i wasnt going to get a huge weught drop today but its still annoying that its slightly higher than yesterday. I guess if its partly due to fluctuation then thats okay, but i cant really know.

-- im just gonna add here that since i got this phone the autocorrect/autofill situation really hasnt improved much so i guess i just make loads of typos now. Its irritating but i really cant be fucked to keep going back correcting everything so if you see me typo no you didnt --

I sort of feel smaller and sort of dont. Cant really tell. I didnt take my measurements when i got up - i could do it now but first thing is always best so idk. I should take a photo too. Wednesday will be my photo day i guess. Im nervous about that one. Thats where i need to see at least some difference from last week...but i dont know if there will be and if there isnt then im gonna feel really bad. And im not sure what time of day i took the other ones or anything like that. So maybe its not consistent? Ugh

I wanted to be 154 tomorrow, which is still possible if todays weight is a fluctuation. I mean i guess i could also get it by dehydrating myself today but water weight loss doesnt count. Im not really sure what to do. I had my usual salad breakfast. I still feel really tired. I woke up kind of early so could be i didnt get enough sleep, but it could be anything really. But i know ill struggle to do much physically today. Which means im gonna be stuck in the same situation later where i know i should eat something else but im scared ill gain weight so instead i starve and then im still exhausted the next day etc etc it all continues.

I just want so badly to get under the 150s. I have an event next weekend as well and if id managed to stick to everything from the start id be 147 by then. Its like 9 days away now so theres no way i can do it now. But i still want to get as close as i can. There'll be photos and stuff and i dont wanna have to explain that yes ive done my hair and makeup and am wearing at least vaguely nice clothes but no i still dont think i can handle being in photos because im fat

Hb is asking if i wanna go out today which feels weird but its an easy way for me to get some physical activity without pushing too hard. We just walk in the woods and stuff. I cant go by myself, and this way if i start feeling lightheaded or somethi g then i have someone to help me out. So ill do that. Hopefully i wont feel horrific.

I really want a cigarette. I smoked a bit these past couple of weeks but i finished the pack a couple of days ago. Still craving it now. I dont smoke regularly anymore, i dont even use nicotine at all, but occasionally i want a cigarette or two...i get the absolute lightest ones i can find (silk cut silver/mayfair fine if i cant find those/ideally vogue platine but i dont think ive ever seen those in england) and have one or a few, usually if im drinking out somewhere. So i especially didnt smoke much this past year. With that in mind, its kind of weird that my cravings are spiking now. But i think its not just the chemical craving thats the issue for me - im in a mindset where im just craving Things in general, so this is another one of those things.

Wednesday would be a drinking day, but i drank on monday so i shouldnt today. I cant drink on friday because i want to on saturday. Which means i can drink tomorrow, and probably should if i feel like i cant get to saturday. I definitely want to drink today though. Its annoying. I really want to drink and smoke and play music and just be decadent. But nome of it really helps the stuff i need to change.

Ill drink a load of water, do this walk, see how i feel later. I should probably make myself eat dinner, so ill just make sure i have 'safe' options. I want to have energy, but i also need to lose weight. I need to feel okay in my body. I need to not hate the look and feel of myself. I cant do it anymore

[uglypaw]

i'm 6 weeks post op as of yesterday! heres my full diary for the first week post op that i wrote during recovery if anyone wants to know what my experience was. CW: blood, surgery, drugs, unsanitary, self harm. if you have any other questions im happy to answer them!

sorry for how long this is lol--

june 21 friday (surgery day)

i'm writing this a few days later but here's how i remember it--

i checked in to the empty office and the copay was $10. the receptionist had me sign a form so that they could call my dad once my surgery was over and he gave me a plastic medical bracelet with my info on it. we hung out in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before i was called in by a nurse. she asked me if i had to pee (i did) and asked if there was a chance i could be pregnant (there wasn't). this nurse was very apathetic and had a very flat voice. i didn't like her.

she had me go to a bed with a gown and a bag for my stuff on it and instructed me to change with the curtain drawn. i did and hung out for about 10 minutes for her to come back, and then she had me lie down and covered me with a blanket and went over my medical record and what meds i was taking and stuff like that. while she was doing this, a male nurse came by and gave me a bunch of painkillers to take with a cup of water(i almost choked on them), and put in my IV on my hand, which was the most painful part. he said i have thick skin on my hand and he really had to push. at this point i got kinda lightheaded hearing him say that but i calmed myself down after a bit.

they called my dad back in and another nurse told me it would be about an hour before the surgeon came to see me. we hung out and played with the monitors on my blood pressure and heart rate and O2 and stuff and made jokes about writing messages on my torso for the surgeon to see when i was under. during the entire time waiting for surgery i was super hungry and wanted to hurry up so i could eat afterwords.

after about an hour the surgeon came by and marked me up, which was kind of uncomfortable because the markers he used were sharp. he held conversation the whole time and was very friendly and charismatic. he went over the marks a bunch of times, and had tentative places marked for my nipple grafts.

he told me the right side was larger than the left so the incision would have to be a bit longer, but since i'd lost weight the incisions were going to be very minimal either way.

after he marked me up he left me again and i asked another nurse to use the bathroom and i got a heated blanket. the anesthesiologist came by and he was funny and casual and alleviated any anxiety by explaining what meds he would be using on me (don't worry about the pain, i prescribe A LOT!!!) and he left once more and another nurse (OR helper) double checked what procedure i'd be doing on the computer, and she told me they would ask me the same questions again once we were in the OR to double confirm. (this ended up not happening because i passed out pretty quick.)

they came by again and confirmed the OR was ready for me, and the anesthesiologist gave me two shots into my IV of some warm liquid and told me i'd be feeling it pretty quick because they were strong (he was right, within a few minutes i was feeling loopy and warm. i was worried i'd have a panic attack about the meds taking effect so fast but it was nice). my dad filmed this part.

they came by about 5 minutes later and said they were ready so they had my dad go back to the waiting room and wheeled me to the OR which was a tiny room with a lot of machines and bright lights and white walls. i remember thinking it looked nothing like it did on TV. they had my name on a whiteboard on the wall. they introduced me to some of the new people i hadn't seen before but i was pretty out of it by then so i wasn't paying too much attention.

they had me scoot over from my hospital bed to the surgery table, and had my arms out to the sides crucifix style. i thought this was really funny and made a note to remember it after surgery.

i recall a few more moments of them rechecking my charts but then the next thing i remember is coming out of anesthesia and seeing my dad and the lights overheard being really bright. someone took off my oxygen mask but i think i was having trouble waking up so they had to put it back on so i would breathe.

they tried to sit me up too fast and i almost passed out so i was given water and gatorade (that i brought from home) and they very slowly raised my bed. my throat was really sore during this time and i remember the gatorade burning as i drank but it was better than the water.

coming out of anesthesia was long and i remember being irritated at it taking so much time and making everyone wait for me. i was also the second to last person in the recovery room (there was a lady next to me coughing a lot, the nurses were saying she was a handful).

my dad told me the doctor told him it was a super easy surgery and it made a difference that i was "lean". he said i might not have fluid in my drains by monday (surgery was on friday) but they wanted to be absolutely sure that i wasn't draining anymore before taking them out.

we talked with the nurse for a while as i caught my breath and could sit up again, and my dad ran to the pharmacy downstairs to pick up my muscle relaxer meds before we left. the nurse talked to me about my transition and stuff like that. i didn't mind because i was still pretty out of it.

when my dad came back they got me a wheelchair but made sure i could stand and could walk to the wall without falling. i was pretty weak but made it steadily. i was surprised how mobile i was. my dad helped me get dressed but i didn't need much assistance.

my dad pulled the car around the front while the nurse wheeled me down to him, and we chatted as we went. the whole hospital was empty and it looked closed. he pulled my chair right up to the car and helped me in, and we thanked him a few times before leaving. he kept repeating if there was any issue with drains coming out to come back to this hospital.

the drive home was fine, and when we got back my dad insisted on taking the dogs out so i could get out of the car. he helped me out and eased me inside to my room. my mom gave me soup though i wasn't too hungry. i chilled in bed for a few hours before falling asleep and my dad showed everyone how to empty the drains. my mom was grossed out but not too much.

i ended up eating about half an edible to help me fall asleep and manage some of the discomfort, but i could have done without it. i had to pee a LOT during the night because of how many IV bags they'd given me. right when i came out of surgery they told me it was good i was dehydrated because it meant i had followed the instructions on not drinking nor eating since midnight the night before.

i was a little worried about wiping myself but my arms were very mobile and i could do it no problem.

i took a bit of tylenol but none of my prescriptions because the pain was very manageable.

sleeping on my back was the hardest part as i was supposed to be sitting up, and my neck was killing me even with my travel pillow. my butt was also really sore so the next morning i made an effort to walk around a bit. having a big squishy pillow under my butt while i slept also helped with the soreness and by day two it was fine. i stretched my legs a lot and tried to lay down as little as i could.

june 22, saturday

morning after surgery

night 1 wasn't great! i woke up a lot to go pee and it was uncomfortable laying sitting up. my neck ended up hurting a lot from the travel pillow. this morning brutus wanted to be with me so bad and i felt bad sleeping without him. i had to maneuver him around so he was on my lap and not my chest because he wanted to be close.

my incisions hurt a bit but it's not unbearable. it feels like the night after i made a big self harm cut, stings and i don't want to jostle them.

the rice krispy definitely helped last night with pain and relaxation and falling asleep, and i'm surprised it didn't give me anxiety or a bad dream.

i don't like sleeping on my back. i woke up around 3 to pee and didn't get back to sleep until almost 5. i was thinking about food to eat the whole time.

i really want ihop pancakes and syrup.

i'm getting little sharp shoots of pain on parts of my chest but they're not too bad and hopefully they mean i'm healing. i'm hopeful they're where my nipples are.

i really should have brought cough drops to the hospital, my throat was very sore after intubation.

i feel electrodes still stuck to my upper chest and i want them off, they're irritating. (i ended up peeling them off a few hours later)

it's still tough to pee but i've been taking short walks around the house to stretch my legs. i. get tired easily so they don't last more than a few minutes. still haven't taken any of my prescribed pain meds, but the pain is getting worse i think. people are telling me the pain will get worse tomorrow.

i've been vaping thc and taking tylenol to manage the pain and they make me sleepy so i've been taking 2-2.5 hour naps and then getting up to pee and snack. 

i took a norco pill in the afternoon but i dont think i needed it. i didn't feel much of an effect from it at all, but it did make me sleepy. that evening i went for a bit of a walk around the front yard.

june 23, sunday

i didn't sleep very well again last night but it was better than the day before. i think having a soft pillow under my butt helped with the soreness and i didn't need the travel pillow as much as i did yesterday with my naps. i still woke up disoriented a lot from my 2 hour naps

i stayed up till like midnight and then just passed out from exhaustion so i didn't wake up very much during the night to pee. this morning i woke up very refreshed but feeling gross physically. i cleaned out my own drains, had papa clean my shoulders and put on my testosterone, and megan dry shampoo my hair. i still haven't pooped but i'm not making too much of an effort. j think i'll take laxatives today.

thus far the pain isn't too bad. last night i had little twinges of sharp pain along my sides near my armpits but haven't had any since. taking deep breaths is getting harder because the incisions are getting more sore and my back is hurting from the binder.

this morning when we drained my drains one of them had barely anything in it which is good

update: i did poop a bit. i've been peeing a lot today.

i haven't napped at all but my arms are getting painful from being squeezed from the binder.

having that shower in a bottle has helped keep me feeling fresh and clean. i may take a sponge bath sometime this week. hygiene is keeping me feeling good, i brushed my teeth and washed my face with actual soap earlier which helped me feel good.

june 24, monday

i'm very sleepy today. i washed myself again with the shower in a bottle and i woke up itchy. i took a long nap in the middle of the day and i'm still pretty out of it and tired. i woke up last night only twice to have diarrhea from the ex lax chocolate papa got me yesterday.

i didn't have a lot of fluid in my drains this morning but it was more than yesterday.

my right drain keeps coming undone. i took another nap today and once i woke up i saw it was completely inflated. i fixed it pretty easily but it's strange it keeps happening.

ive been having binding pains a lot today from being compressed so tight. it hurts mostly when i stand up.

i gave myself a sponge bath today and washed my hair in the sink! i think that activity drained me because afterwards i took a 2 hr nap. i keep feeling like i'm sleeping a lot but all my naps are quite short.

june 25, tuesday

today i had a bit more pain where the drain sites are. it stings and burns a bit but it's not unbearable, just very uncomfortable. it happens regardless of the arm positioning.

i'm getting a lot more tingling/pins and needles over my chest but my actual incisions don't hurt. my ribs and back are killing me from the binder soreness, and i've been tired but not enough to sleep. every time i get up it kind of resets the pain so i'm trying not to adjust a lot.

i feel like i've been eating a lot of crap the past few days so im trying to be more mindful about eating more protein and less refined sugar

also, my chest was very itchy so i put my hand down the front of my vest to scratch it and i couldn't feel anything. it felt like when a limb falls asleep too hard to even be pins and needles and just turns numb. it made me uncomfortable so i only did it a few more times.

i have less energy to walk today than i did yesterday, but not tired enough to sleep. i'll definitely take more of the sleepy antihistamines to sleep tonight.

june 26, wednesday

not much new stuff to update on today. i took two norco pills because one didn't do anything and i almost passed out, i got super lightheaded and nauseous and had to lie down for a while to let my brain catch up.

we took the dogs on a walk to the gate and my chest felt weird walking but not in a totally bad way, i just had to go a little slower so i didn't jostle anything.

i'm so excited for friday! i can't wait to get my drains out.

pain has been pretty minimal today though i did take a few naps. i haven't smoked today at all because i wanna keep my brain clear and save my weed and there hasn't been a huge difference in pain.

my muscles feel very good today and it doesn't hurt to stretch my shoulders and reach for things as much.

drain sites are still very itchy and kinda sore. not a lot of fluid but i noticed the right side hasn't been inflating as much! i think it just needed to be milked and cleaned better.

june 27, thursday

the pain has been the worst today by far. i was draining a lot and found out that exercise or excessive movement will cause more drainage, and i did go on a longish walk yesterday with my mom and the dogs. i ended up taking tylenol, flexeril, hit my pen, and had the rest of the rice krispy treat just to dull the pain. it's starting to go away now but i'm still getting like stinging throbs and aches where my drains are. i'm definitely taking painkillers before we go tomorrow!!

i'm worried the excess drainage means that they'll want me to keep the drains in longer. i rally hope not, they're the one thing causing me pain.

i looked at my chest this morning and last evening and there's a little blood bubble inside the plastic they taped me up with on my left side. i can see my chest too, with all the surgeon marks and the edges of the incisions. it does look like he curved under the pec muscle. i was expecting straight line incisions, though i'm sure i'll warm up to it.

i've been very weak and light headed today, and when i stand up i need to take a minute to let the stars go away out of my vision.

june 28, friday

today's the day! we're leaving soon to go to kaiser for my one week post op. i really hope they take the drains out despite the spike in fluid i had the other day from going on that walk.

i'm very tired today and feeling very lazy. usually i want to bathe in the mornings but today i feel so gross i don't want to do anything. i managed to get myself out of bed today to do my laundry but that's as much work as i could manage.

later; they ended up not taking the drains out because of the spike in fluids from going on a walk the other day. they want to be 100% sure that there's less than 20mg over two or three days so i'm making an appointment for monday.

Monday update: got the drains out. Completely painless and not uncomfortable -- didn’t have much sensation in the area and the nurse distracted me so I didn’t notice her removing them. The worst part was her cleaning the area with alcohol beforehand. 

[bluecadet0]

TW: SCHIZOPHRENIA, PARANOIA, NIGHT TERRORS

So i dont know if this is a problem for anyone else but i just wanted to share a few things that help me at night.

BLANKETS!

- increase the ammount of things on your bed especially things you can hide under and help make yourself feel secure. I have lots of pillows and stuffed animals to hang onto and blankets that i can cover up with. (This helps me feel less exposed when im feeling paranoid)

COOL AIR

- so whether it be awake, shaking and scared or asleep and waking up into the scared having some source of cool air on you will help with the sweating and over heating from fear and anxiety. (This helps me with my several blanket security thing so that im not getting too hot from anxious sweating while under a million blankets). Heat can make you nauseous and some people(me definietly) can be triggered, with enough anxiety, to throw up. and being overly warm will not help this.

- a bed side fan works great

-cool packs under pillows (put them in a thin towel so we don't get wet)

-open the window a crack if you feel okay about it

-HAVE SOMETHING TO DRINK NEAR YOU BEFORE YOU GO TO BED. Water perferably(this should help with dehydration from sweating. And also help with nausea and or after you throw up)

SAFE LIGHT SOURCE

-personally i like sleeping in complete blackness but when im scared of something i think might be there or need to see the space around me i have christmas light plug in right by my head so i dont even have to get up i can just reach up and plug it in.

-i suggest a cooler color, super bright. Like a dim purple or blue

FIDGETS

-when I'm scared of something i see or think i see or am thinking about i like to reach for something to occupy my mind and take it somewhere else. I use a notebook (with a string attached pen) next to my bed to scribble or draw or write in. It doesnt have to be pretty sometimes i find myself scribbling in it furiously just to exert some of that anxious energy.

-squishy toys or bristle brushes to help reset and sooth yourself

-a phone game of some kind. things with catchy music (like flappy bird) help distract the mind.

°i also recommend those who hear voices to music without words

(Below is a good one at least for me. Mitis is art 👌 )

-ive also found making noises yourself is a good one(jiggling keys, tapping beats, snapping, clicking your tongue

MEDS

-if you are prescribed anxiety or sleep meds of any kind and you need to take them YES DO THAT.

(Please don't take more than you need come on we can work through this differently)

For me the key factor in this is to get to sleep or get back to sleep. So trying to stay down low or not get to amped up in something else is what i recommend. Personally i need all the sleep i can get so im gonna be trying to get more rest

But

Some nights you need to get up. Do something. Make a sandwich or make yourself useful to shake off a dream or some unease that your Plan A didn't help.

I like to catch up on stuff i couldnt during the day

Water my plants, switch my laundry i left in the washer before bed, feed my pets.

Sleep is important but making sure number one (that's you) is okay is also important. Do what you gotta do. This is just stuff that helps me.

Feel free to add 💙🌻

[callmeratboy]

A lot of yall needa take care of yourself and here's how:

Eat. Eat snacks. Eat anything. You will not have energy and you will be in a bad mood. You might trigger a depressive episode just because you didn't eat. Go and do it. Please. Small sugar heavy or carb heavy things might seem unhealthy before you, but they are high source in energy. You don't have to worry about eating healthy, you need to focus on eating regularly first. 2 or 3 meals a day, 2,000-4,000 calories a day.

If you've got that down, then you can eat healthy. Food pyramid stuff. Protein, carbs, greens, yadda yadda. You don't have to be excessive on the healthy stuff. Just try to eat a little of each every day.

Physical activity???? Not necessary. Might make you feel better about yourself. Getting up and walking around helps a lot, too. Even if you don't go outside, just leave your room and stay somewhere more open in the house, where you're not so closed off. You don't have to be around other people if you can avoid it. Going outside during daytime and walking???? Also amazing. (Pokémon GO is a great motivator for this, don't give me that look)

Hygiene. It sucks. I hate it. But we need it. If you don't manage this, it can have really costly effects later. Especially for those of you in America. Hospital/dental/ any other doctor bills are expensive. If you don't feel like fully brushing your teeth, clean it off with a napkin a bit. You'll get to teeth-brushing one day, but just try to keep it more manageable for now. Future you will be grateful. Shower. Sometimes. Y'know?? Dirt builds up even if you don't do anything. Change your clothes if you can. Not necessarily every day, but every other day. It might make you feel good about yourself.

If you can set aside a couple hours to clean your room, i suggest doing so. But if you don't, that's okay. Some people clean in small bursts of energy. I personally need a lot of time because once i start i can't stop. Putting away an item or two the moment you step in your room will be a small step, but it will be beneficial in the long run. Start by putting away big things, then maybe tidying up smaller things. Progress is more noticeable this way.

Sleep. I know a lot of people don't like doing this, but not sleeping can have similar affects to not eating. Eating and sleeping are how you get energy. Sleeping lets you function. You might even, dare i say, enjoy it. Aim for at least 6 hours if you're current average is below that. School/work can make this hard. 8-10 is much healthier, but also, kinda impossible. You might get there sometimes, so pat yourself on the back if you do. I'm not sure if taking naps help you, but if you're really physically exhausted during the day, its probably gonna make you feel better. Just don't nap for so long that you miss out on important things.

Water!!!! I always forget this one. You get headaches without water!!! You feel icky without water!!! Speaking or even breathing messes up water!!!! I am always extremely dehydrated because i don't like drinking water. You need electrolytes. Gatorade and sports drinks help too. Uhhhhh just drink it!!! Im bad at this one i know many side affects of not doing it so please just do it i feel miserable!!! Try to find a way to make water tolerable. Some people put fruit or something. Crunching on ice doesn't hydrate you (I know bc i do that). Also your skin will get dry and crackly so water (and maybe even using lotion but that's also a big ask) will make it softer. You need like 6-8 cups a day???? Is that a thing???? Look it up i know its important but i just dont know much about it.

Take time for yourself. Do it. Do little things that you like. Draw. Play that video game. Sing to your music. Do whatever else calms you down/brings you joy. It will make every day just a little better.

Get away from things that bother you (if you can). Block that mean person. Remove yourself from uncomfortable situations. Stop hanging out with those people. Whatever you need. Don't force negativity into your life.

Love yourself. This is probably really hard, but hear me out. It is the most important one. Take baby steps on it. You will fall back sometimes, but you will also improve. If you want to change something about yourself, think "is it really a flaw or am i just thinking too hard about it?". You can change parts of your personality if you want, but don't try to become a different person. If you have a "flaw" that isn't hurting anyone, it isn't a flaw. You should look back on it and think "this thing helps make me who i am and it is wonderful". Love your physical self love your inner self. Improve on both, but try to find some things you're satisfied/happy with.

Tl;dr: eat, sleep, drink water, love yourself, and just be nice to yourself in general, yeah?

[pseudodeepwords]

thoughts from a head in the clouds

okay, context: i got a little d9 dab pen at the gas station and took too much and decided to document how i felt because it was crazy. here is what i wrote, unedited and in its entirety. please be merciful.

hi tomorrow morning aubrey its me 10 pm high aubrey

in case i dont remember:

took more hits than with haz previously and took some pretty big preheated hits and holy shit dude this is crazy

i wasnt sure if i was high before but i for sure am high as hfuck now i was gonna fix tha typo but i didnt feel like it. same for that one idc so idk if im gonna fully remember this but uh

vision kinda goes in and out in a groovy wave pattern. very 70s fashion inspired stuff

everything is going in and out a little bit. like sea spray on glass. oceanic themes are also present elsewhere. if i try really hard i can make myself stop for a second before doing it again but i keep waving my torso around like im in a boat or a tube or something. like in galveston when the waves kept knocking me arounf or in kiowa that sumer with emma and caroline and i dont really know why but it's nit unkpleasant.

i care less about the typos right now but i promise im fixing some of them. most of them.

i realize i might pos this on my tumblr maybe and its gonna sound fake and crcinge and 2014 and thats okay becasue right now i think it;s really fun to documnet it. thats why i write. its for me. its almist never for anyone ekse and i dont give mysekf credit for it. it's beeen about seven minutes since i starged typing but it feels much longer. it's easiet to sto swayin gand things are almost back to normal speed. not really tho. kind of. lol

im sad haz isnt here. they would probably have been fun to talk to. im thinking about trips i didnt tell dad i was taking.

like the lake with haz a couple weeks ago when we got minecrafgt steve stuck in that pothole and those really nice okies had a tow strap theu used to save us and like that timw i told dad i was in austin and instaed i went with my friends i hadnt seen in two years to galveston so i could traste the ocean and the sea salk breeze for the very first time and even though it was galvy water and i got sick afterwards it was still the sea and i didn't sleep because i forgot my sleeping pills and i thought about will the whole time because i loved him so much and it hurt so bad but it was still better than being numb like i thought id be without him like i was without him that i let it go on too long and killed whatever else we coul have been.

like that time i told dad i was going with ally to abilene and it was her idea and we had a friend out there and i really went alone to see b for the first and so far onky time and even thouh it was miserably hot and i got so dehydrated i got a uti and we couldnt have as much evil sex as we wabted it was so good and i am so in love with him now but this time he does not love me back and i dont jnow if it scares me or not because the last two loved me back and still left so whats this gonna end jp being anhwaus but i dont care because i think i love him even though i feek like we dont know each other that much and im onkyt just now realixing that but i dont care i dont think, i think im reading too deeo unto my own insecurities and we just are what we are thats something sam would say and i trust him even though im still hurt but not realy

im still upset with sam but even more upset with mysle fbaout it. i cried about mom the ither day for the first time in a whike

am i a abd person? do i miss her> i think i do bit i can barely remember her. why wasnt i allowed to be a whole person

why did i always have to be alone

did i do it to myself

where did it get me?

it got me to kiowa and the worst sunburn of my life and it got me to galveston when i was supposed to be in austin esveot no i wasnt and my car needed an oil change but i didnt wanna get one so i was reliant on others for transportation and i remembered how much thar sucks because i want to be able to leave on my terms because god fucking knows i never have been afforded that kuxury before. it got me to abilene. it got me to will and sam abd fucking matthew and all that shit. i dont know if i regret any of it or all of it or none of it. i cant tell anymore if i think im in love with b or if i just need to be wanted. i tjink right this second im leaning towards tha latter but thats bc im emo and lonely. forgot how much distance sucks lol. someon e tected me

it was emmy from tinder. shes nice.

it feels like im a diver. water. remember this was about water,

i wish haz was here they could talk me through the emo patch i know it

i trust them so when they tell me i deserve love and knowin the wouldnt keep me around if they didnt love me in their own way i have to eblievve them theyre my best friend and id probably kill myself if they died bc i really could not live withougt them theyre maybe the only person i think has ever actually seen me or even come close to seeing me without leaving me theyre so importan to me haz i hope u read this if i post it on tumblr ur my platonic soulmateb my twin flame whateber the fuck idk how i would go on without u for real ur my eternal shoulder to cry on and u know me so wekk and care about me even when im a bitcbh ilysm

ally also i love u even when u are devious because of your occasionally unchecked mental illness ilysm

i forgot i was wearing a shirt bc the yellow light frin the screen on thsi white tank top looks like my sking lol

im gonna turn this smocsh video compilation on and tru to sleep lol see u in the nmorning sober me xoxo maybe we dont do that much along next time to avoid the esy mood shifys shawty

i love water i love my friends i love the people i love so much and i love being a diver in secret becuase its just for me and nothing else evr seems like it is. i do not deserve salll the bullshit i went throgu and i deserve to be happy. i hope i find that soon.

[sightofsea]

ok so like the thing i did get E.coli once when i was like, twelve?? from romaine lettuce. idk it had been a long night for my parents, they forgot to wash it or something, i have no idea. my brother got it too but to a lesser extent, because lemme tell u me getting E.coli brought on a huge fucking domino trail of just medical maladies that plagued me for like a month straight

so first i get the E.coli. and we have a rly rly shitty doctor who is like, seeing that im in intense intestinal distress--i can’t eat anything, or drink anything without immediately leaving blood in the toilet. the pain’s so bad that i can’t sleep. im not peeing at ALL and nobody notices that not even me but its got BIG repurcussions later. anyways they cant diagnose me, they take a sample to test but we never hear back

so anyways after like two weeks of no sleep, shitting blood every time i so much as drink water or anything, we finally go to the hospital. they diagnose us immediately. ive lost a lotta weight, and im so dehydrated that when they put the IV in i dont even notice. i get hydrated, get put on antibiotics n at this point the E.coli is beginning the end of running its course. thank god. but HEY it turns out that it fucked up my kidneys, and now i have hemolytic-uremic syndrome, which is mostly caused by E. coli! so my kidneys dont work for a bit, and i have to measure my own piss for like a week until it my kidneys finally start like, working again. at this point im out of the hospital and eating which is a plus

but WAIT! there’s more!! BECAUSE my kidneys fucked up, i have all this excess fluid just kinda roaming around my body!! so it makes my face puff up like a watermelon, which is the least of it. mostly bc a lot of the fluid just decides to go to my lungs and boom!! i’ve got pneumonia!!! so im stuck in bed for another two weeks for that.

i should also mention that since leaving the hospital ive had to go n get my blood drawn every day bc of the HUS shit, so its been like two solid weeks of going n getting that shit done. i still have no idea how my family couldve fucking afforded that at the time, jesus christ.

so ANYWAYS, the pneumonia finally clears up. thank god. ive been stuck in my house or in some kind of hospital for about a month. im DYING to go back to school, bc i miss my friends n im 12 so staying inside doesnt help. so i go to school. for one day. and i want to remind everyone that this happened in like 2009?? remember the big medical thing that was happening in 2009? remember it? the REALLY big thing??

so yeah i come home from school and later that night i contract the swine flu. then im out for another week.

so yeah long story short dont eat lettuce rn bc theres a chance you’ll have to live through that hell, so just. dont do it. dont. please dont do it.

[crunchity-munchity]

How Migranes feel for me:

Entire head feels like its throbbing, its much larger and more intense on my eyes, brige of nose (like sinuses), temples, and teeth

Teeth hurt like hell

Loss of appetite, the teeth hurting also make it hard to eat

My eyes feel like they're being squeezed

Head feels very warm and I will take any chance to set it against a cold surface (drinking cold drinks is nice as well)

Back of neck hurts

I complain that im tired (i never outright complain about things so if i do complain then its usually not good)

If the migrane is very very severe then ill feel dizzy and nauseous (drinking and eating worsen the nausea as well) I have never thrown up because of a migrane but I have gotten very close

I only ever take naps if I have a migrane (or if I'm in a car lol) and I only ever get naturally tired when its late at night

Migrains make me very sensitive to light and noise and my ears hurt as well

I often cannot sit without externally supporting my head and I will try not to move as much as possible

Alot of times ill say that I wish i could be decapitated because all the pain is in my head area so getting rid of my head would get rid of the pain lol

I will also be very quiet and un emotional, dark circles appear under my eyes

Some causes and triggers of my migraines:

Bright lights and loud noises hurt

Strong fragrances like bleach and other cleaning products and certain perfumes

Looking at screens for too long (this is why I get them so often)

Dehydration is another big one cuz i live in arizona

I should probably add that one of the only ways I can get the migrane to go away is to take a (much larger than what I should be taking cuz of my body size) dose of ibuprofen. Sometimes sleeping helps but its more just so I dont feel anything (also cuz migraines are exhausting)

Not taking a big enough dose of ibuprofen does not do the job and the migrane will stay

They can last for hours on end and ive had them go on for 2 days straight a few times

Its also almost impossible to concentrate or work while having one wich makes work difficult

If you have alot of these symptoms frequently please do research and if you think it might be serious tell someone, I have no idea if mine is chronic but I do believe that it might be because of how often I have migraines

Please stay safe and drink water and spread this so others can know as well!!

Edit: something I totally forgot to add is that while migraines make me very tired its almost impossible to sleep, all you want to do is sleep but you just can't

[vltronimagines]

hc's for the paladins after finding their s/o passed out from training too hard?

SHIRO

he’s levelheaded most of the time and thank god for that

because everyone else on this list is a freak

yes, he worries 

LIKE A LOT

they told him they felt weak compared to everyone else and defenseless. everyone had their own source of protection, but they were just sorta of dwindling around not knowing what they would do in case of an emergency

theres also fact that their boyfriend was literally the leader of the paladins and all-around better at combat then they were

they admired him a lot so they desperately wanted to be at least somewhat closer to his level

ALSO THEY DIDNT WANT TO BURDEN HIM 

so they took it upon themselves to train 

this lead to their obsession to be self-reliant and now here they are currently

laying in bed, sore as all hell and shiro scolding them ( very gently lmao ) about taking proper care of themselves

it actually irritates them

they get mad and yell at him

a few minutes of silence

and then they apologize because they didn’t mean to blow up they just feel so weak and useless

he smiles and tells them that they can train together and its okay to rely on protection every once in awhile

awwwhhhhhh …… they hug ……………

KEITH

bin ch  you know hes gonna get so mad about this

hes worried but i mean …… he cant express that without anger coming through 

he first gets them to their room and tends to whatever cuts and bruises they have also giving them some water and a snack he had hunk prepare

then he Goes Off

its not like screaming but they can tell hes mad because his voice raises and hes like gesturing wildly and glaring at them

obviously this instigates a fight unlike what happened with shiro. his s/o starts yelling back at him probably raising their voice higher 

most likely starts crying out of frustration

they just wanted to be strong enough for him

hes been so reckless and he’s always been the one keeping them safe. they want to do the same for him. they don’t want to lose him.

they were just scared and they wanted to be strong

he’s quiet and he listens and his glare softened into a look of distress and concern

he tells them they can be strong but they shouldn’t be training themselves until they pass out he just wants them to look after their own well-being

he grabs their hand and smiles and they cant help but to blush and smile back ( WHILE ALSO AVOIDING EYE CONTACT THEN THAT MAKES KEITH EMBARRASSED AND HE AVOIDS EYE CONTACT TOO FUCKIN DWEEB )

LANCE

he’s a Wild Man

yeah, hes felt completely in adequate more times than he can count and he constantly feels like he might be below everyone else in terms of skill

i mean, he was only bumped up to fighter pilot because keith was kicked to the curb

but he doesnt want them to feel like that

so when he finds them on he ground, completely knocked out and dehydrated, he knows very well what happened

the conversation is sorta awkward once they wake up

he’s asking them questions on if they’ve been eating and if they’ve had any water to drink or if they’re sleeping right

they just reply with short, curt answers ( clearly too embarrassed to actually talk at the moment )

he starts getting frustrated and ends up going off but its ??????? not irritating ????????? just the way he does it makes them feel guilty for making him worried instead of mad because they think he’s telling them what to do

the concern he shows comes off less angry and more just exasperated because he wants to understand why they started feeling so down about themselves

so they tell him all their worries about not being brave, not being strong, not being reliable or lacking certain skills

he just throws himself on them and hugs them so tightly before they can even finish

yeah, he gets it but he’s encouraged by everyone around him and he wants them to feel encouraged too

HUNK

he’s immediately panicking, but he’s also quick to react.

he takes them to their room and when they wake up he’s not really prying he’s just like “hey you hungry it’s almost dinner”

of course they are they fuckin love his cooking its always made with a special kind of love

although talking about their worries is always a good idea, they feel comforted by the fact that he’s not trying to make them talk. he’s letting them decide when they’re ready

it probably doesn’t take too long maybe the next day theyre telling him everything that was on their mind. they can’t really go out training since he’s sort of banned them from it for awhile and he’s been so thoughtful to their feelings they feel like maybe they should just tell him

he’s hugging them and patting their head and making little jokes about it just so they smile

he tells them not to worry because he knows they can do great things and being a paladin isn’t that cool anyways ( hes lying and they know he’s lying but its the thought that counts )

“you already got so many amazing qualities about yourself that will make you an awesome part of our team. we’re together. i’m always going to worry about you. that doesn’t mean you’re weak.”

they spend the day together just looking through weird books around the castle that they cant at all figure out how to read

or plotting pranks on the other paladins

keith is the best target because its easy to get a reaction from him. well, an angry one. 

lance is also a really good one. they love hiding when he’s on a hunt to find out who pulled that prank on him

PIDGE

she’s kind of a mix of lance and hunk with this.

she won’t force them to say whats up but they can tell she’s under a huge amount of stress about it

pidge takes the time out of her day to check up on them from then on and checks constantly if they’re taking care of themselves

she’s like a hawk its sort of fuckin weird ………….

this progresses into a weird sort of stalking? not like creepy but her s/o gets this chill when they feel her watching them

this turns into a stupid game of “im going to hide from you because im tired of you constantly watching me please stop we arent in a horror movie”

when pidge is confronted on this she’s just …….

“huh ?????????????? whatever could you mean ???????????”

“cut the crap”

“i have a very logical explanation from this and ill tell you ……… AFTER THE BREAK”

“WAIT WHAT PIDGE DONT RUN AWAY FROM ME”

jokes aside when they finally do talk about it its like awkwardly emotional because i dont think either of them really like talking about feelings so seriously

theyre both so use to cracking jokes 

pidge just smiles kinda sadly at them and tells them that it’s okay and they’ll never be a burden to her or anyone else on the team

she’s not really good with combat unless she’s in her lion either, but she can understand the need for them to be

“maybe ask keith he’s kind of a freak about combat training”

[chronicillschronicpills]

small update for my fans xox

just kidding about the fans but not about the update!!

i have been in heaps of pain at the moment which is SUPER FUCKIN SHIT #yafeelme. its been affecting my sleep and mood (understandably) and i mostly get down about not being able to access pain meds through my current doctor. it feels like i am being denied (wait for the dramatics) some kind of life. I cannot stand for more than 5 or so minutes without pain in my back/hips, i can’t bend down to get things ive dropped without it causing a lot of pain and energy and every time i get out of bed, feels like my joints are screaming at me for moving. i get in so much pain and fatigue, that sometimes i get dehydrated because i cant go downstairs to get water (just wait til the boyfriend is home... unless i desperately need the toilet at some point which is just a tax). i am not addicted to pain meds (i havent been prescribed them in my country for i think about a year?!?! which is ridiculous) or am i a ‘drug seeker’. i have a well and long term documented case of pain which is clearly not for abuse reasons due to the mass amounts of money my family have spent on trying to find the right health care but alas still face judgement and prejudice by some doctors. i never push my doctors to give it to me because i feel so bad and judged and shit and that i shouldn’t be asking BUT my pain is valid and i shouldn’t feel shame to want pain meds. 

i have now decided to get a new doctor, that a friend has recommended. i will continue to get new doctors until someone will prescribe me pain medications. it is so hard for me to function without them and its not like i am asking fo, oxy or hydrocodone, im asking for codeine or tramadol. 

other than that! its my boyfriend and mine 20 month anniversary today. my friends have been away lately so its just been me and him hanging out and its been fun and we’ve had some crack up laughs and its awesome to know that we can still make each other giggle. bring on another 20 months.   

summer school starts next week. im excited and nervous (my classes are at 9 am... given i dont wake up before 1 most days... this irks me a bit). tried to do a reading my neck and back hurt too much so i stopped. 

my fucking hands hurt too much right now to be typing this so GOODNIGHT my DoodDS

xoxo