#im too attached to the current one here to change

[mint-is-here]

mei is so fun to draw i only realized that recently

[bobacupcake]

ask from over on cohost that i wanted to crosspost over here!!

hi!!! i'm assuuuuming you're talking about the effect in this one?

i'm using something called parallax mapping!! i know most people know what parallax is and how it works in the realworld but im just gonna demonstrate it real quick just so i dont have to keep going "ok now imagine how parallax works"

so imagine you have two windows. in the middle of the window on the left, there is an Orb. it is directly in the middle of the window. the window on the right also has an Orb, but this one is pushed backwards outside the window quite a bit. now if you look at the two windows, and turn them, you get this:

for the first window, the Orb stays basically in the center of the window. but in the second window, if you turn the window right, the Orb "looks like" it's moving left

parallax mapping is essentially taking this assumption, that if you change the angle you are looking at an object, the further away an object is, the more it will move in the opposite direction. i will spare you on the matrix math involved but you can get the exact relation you need by getting the Tangent Space View Direction. you dont need to understand the math behind this to use it

so, lets go back to the window example, how would you make the same effect, but with just this 2d texture of the Orb?

what if, whenever the object it was attached to turned right, you just moved the texture to the left, by X amount, where X is how far into the window the orb is. you would essentially be cheating god and "faking" the parallax. it would look like it's moving like it's far out of the window, but really, it's still a 2d texture. it would look like this:

i was too lazy to make the shader and record another gif but i dont need to because functionally it would look almost identical because when you turn it right the Orb moves left

again, you can just Know the right direction to push the texture in based on the current angle by getting the Tangent Space View Direction. ok another example. what if you had a black and white noise texture, like this

now what would happen if, instead of moving the whole texture X amount. you moved each pixel a proportional amount based on how bright it is. a 100% black pixel would not get moved at all, and a 100% white pixel would get moved the furthest along the Tangent Space View Direction. a pixel thats right down the middle would move half that distance etc etc. well it would look something like this!!!

thaaat's the basics behind it!!! it's also used for effects like faking room interiors through windows with just a 2d texture in biig cityskapes and the like

you can see how the cube example looks kind of like an ice cube with the distortion, that's Not intentional and how parallax mapping artifacts. i do not care about it, because i make crystals. but some people do care about it, so you can use parallax occlusion mapping, which is like parallax mapping but a step up

here's some more reads on it if you are interested!!! https://simonschreibt.de/gat/windows-ac-row-ininite/ https://www.patreon.com/posts/playing-with-29753575 https://catlikecoding.com/unity/tutorials/rendering/part-20/ https://halisavakis.com/my-take-on-shaders-parallax-effect-part-i/

[faerieorbitars]

welll. grins

the basic premise i had for the overarching conflict was that all these completely independent fantasy worlds just exist as they usually would until the big bad of the campaign merges them all into One world through various means i havent figured out yet. its not any specific fantasy settings aside from a couple like neverland and wonderland . and oz bc i like oz. but its not based Strictly on that one map bc i wanna have the freedom to play around with different fantasy worlds if i want to. also if this was actually a campaign it would give players the freedom to pick any blorbo from a thing they like and then i can just stick their blorbos world in there somewhere. research pending

the idea im playing with for the big bad is a lonely god in a completely void universe figuring out how to bring all these worlds together somehow and then slowly draining the new world of its base magic in order to become more powerful. its not like All magic but like base magical principles of those worlds. so things like . animals in narnia randomly losing their human intelligence, people in neverland start growing up, over in hyrule the master sword becomes just a regular sword, etc. i havent thought through the logistics of this at all yet or how it effects things like spellcasting but i like the idea a lot

thats the basic gist im playing with currently. i would need a full cast to fully develop it but i dont want to limit myself to a cast in case it becomes an Actual campaign one day. but also i dont wanna put in the work to dm to make it one. not currentlyanyways. perhaps another time

im afraid the madness is setting in for me again (started thinking abt my conceptual fantasy crossover ttrpg setting based on that map where somebody put moominvalley next to middle earth)

[aliaology]

I have a request, Could you do where the reader is Luke's twin sister and they are it is there 21st birthday and Jack and Quinn are there to celebrate with them and Luke and the reader both get really drunk and Jack and Quinn take care of the when they are both drunk and hungover

Also love your fic's read them every time you post

ofc babes <3 and thank you, im so glad you like them! <3 means a lot to me <33

fyi, ive NEVER drank before lolz so idk much bought it and i don't know what anyones tolerance here would be, so just know this is all fake and its not realistic. this is also short because idk what else to add. </3

DRUNKEN AFFECTION (PLATONIC)

you didn't get to see your brothers that often, not with you still finishing up your few years at university of michigan and them either living in new jersey or vancouver. it was hard to say the least, especially being so far away from your literal other half; the one whom you (sometimes unfortunately) had to share the womb with. luke hughes was your best friend, and your twin. you couldn't live without the guy.

but now it is currently september 14th of 2024, a saturday, and while jack, luke and quinn should be at their respective homes, they all came up to michigan to celebrate yours and lukes birthday that happened just a few days ago. of course, you would've wanted to celebrate your birthday with luke, on said day, but schedules didn't align well and if you did it before, you legally wouldn't be able to drink. though you can't say that stopped you.

you sat in the back yard, legs crossed as you held a bottle of some form of alcohol in your hand. it was late, most of the people from the party your brothers threw, were gone. it was just you, luke, jack, quinn and a few of the umich boys. with a drunken whine, you looked to jack who snagged the bottle of alcohol from your hands.

"jackk-" you frowned.

jack rolled his eyes, "this is like your what, fifth? you don't need this much, smalls."

you groaned, looking away from him. "stop calling me that."

jack just scoffed before snagging the beer from lukes hand as well. "hey!"

"you two have drank enough. you really want mom and dad to look out the window and see you guys drinking more?" quinn spoke up.

"its our birthday." luke told.

quinn was the one to roll his eyes this time. "your birthday was monday, and now your party is over. its time to settle down."

the eldest hughes sibling walked up to the three of them and gently grabbed your arm. "lets get you both to bed."

you let out a drunken gasp. "lukeyy- we should watch uhm- uhm... oh shit whats that one movie.." you began to mutter to yourself.

jack helps luke up, who stumbles slightly. "i dont want to watch some movie." luke huffed.

you frowned. "quinny, will you watch a movie with me?"

"yes, smalls, i will." you smiled.

-

quinn was quick to get you to your room. he let you change and then went to change as well. sometimes, he couldn't stand jeans. walking back into your room, you were already on your bed with the remote in your hand, and jack and luke were in there too.

"thought you didn't want to watch some movie?" quinn teased luke as he flicked the lights off and then walked to the bed.

"shut up." luke groaned.

jack let out a laugh. "got him to his room and he already missed her. he acted like he does when we leave to new jersey."

quinn snickered, taking his spot on the other side of you. "can't blame him, they are freakishly attached to the hip."

"we are right here, by the way." you huffed.

"we know." the two eldest said.

you let out a huff of air. "you guys are lucky we love you."

jack smiled at his sister, slinging an arm around her and pulling her in. "we love you guys too, even if you're annoying as hell."

[slothcapsule]

Kaeya's design pt.2 (updated until 5.1 because yes, more stuff gets added with updates, his design is that thought ahead)

or maybe im delusional and looking into things way too much! heyy, Me again!! this is gonna be a master post of all the things ive noticed about kaeya's design, ive made one like it before but since then there's been a bunch of new stuff so i decided to make a new post that has everything i have to note. this is complied of things i myself have noticed and things that others have. this post will not include anything about his skin other than noting a couple of significant differences since the outfit wasn't made specifically for him in the scope of the story, but i might cover it in a separate post

kaeya's design mostly consists of "two sides" in a way, his "mondstat" side and his "khaenri'ah" side.

his mondstadt side includes his vision, the full side of his cape in the back, the earring he wears and his rat tail, all this represents the freedom he has in mondstat and the person he grew to be there, a vision bearing knight of favonius.

the khaenri'ah side includes his eyepatch, the wisp of lighter hair in his bang, a clipped cape ("wing") and the majority of the fur coating. i believe this goes to represent that he's still tied to khaenri'ah despite all the time he's spent in mondstadt, and that he's quite aware of it. Also, the glove on that side has a kind of buckle that kind of reminds me of a shackle or a handcuff, as well as this thing with a bunch of eight pointed stars that are not apparent on the mondstadt

all across his design (the boots, corset belt, gloves, little things on the ends of the cape thing he has, his left sleeve) there are bunch of "eight pointed" stars we see associated with khaenri'ah, one being in his pupil which was a confirmed trait to khaenri'ahn people ever since we saw dainsleif.

id like to note that kaeya's eyepatch is stressed on a lot in game. its constantly referred back to most of the time when kaeya is brought up. he has a voiceline about it (that has been changed once in the english version to to a mistranslation i believe, ill include both versions) the first is the current version.

traveler has a voiceline about it where paimon makes fun of it but i think its notable there's a voiceline specifically about it at all.

its mentioned right when we start the world quest "Bough Keeper" where we meet dainsleif. he doesn't even have an eyepatch half of his face is just black it was a stretch in the first place.

kaeya himself dismisses it as nothing unusual.

in his story quest he says he inherited it from his grandfather, which is solid proof that they're related by blood. (his story quest has some crazy foreshadowing btw that predicted that him and the abyss twin are possibly related in some way or another by extensions but i wont get into it here)

there isnt really a solid idea attached to any of this, other than the fact that kaeya's eyepatch is stressed on as a point of intrigue, its pretty implied to be related to his origin of khaenri'ah, and we often see khaenri'hn people with their right eye covered in some way. and to those of you that think that he wears the eyepatch because diluc injured his eye during his fight, no he isnt. it might've been scarred by him yes but he isnt blind in that eye, and in the webcomic it shows kaeya wearing an eyepatch on the day crepus died, before the fight with diluc.

while we're on the subject of his eyes, he's somewhat of an abnormality amongst Khaenri'ahn people. every other khaenri'ahn person we know have teal eyes with their pupil being a bold black star outline, kaeya's on the other hand are a darker blue with a more faded filled in star. i wont include the eyes of every single character to prove my point but trust me i looked at them all. the only exception seems to be pierro but since he doesnt have an in-game model yet and he wasnt shown super clearly in the trailer im unsure what to make of it for now so i wont include it.

one of the first things generally noticed about kaeya's design once you look into it a little is that he somewhat resembles cryo abyss mages, most notably the fur coat he keeps thrown over his shoulder, the "bunny ears" in his hair (ahoge?) but most of the resemblance comes from playstyle.

in playstyle he's similar in the sense that he teleports on his fifth attack, his ult is similar to the icicles they produce after their shield is broken, he produces his own shield at c4 etc.

(EDIT: i somehow forgot including abyss heralds here, which is insane of me considering that i was always under the impression that if kaeya does turn out to be an abyss monster its definitely more likely to be a herald/lector. i dont necessarily think that he is but there are similarities!)

As for abyss heralds, he does also have a similar design element with the Frost Fall one! Despite being a minor similarity i think its worth pointing out , but they do have kind of similar lapel things, the herald has those wing like things both in the front and back , similar to kaeya's "clipped" wings, that appear under the full wing and in the front of his outfit as well

(fun fact, when i found out they're going to release a cryo abyss herald i was so excited and kept prolonging the fight with it in the quest so i can see if it has similar attack patterns to kaeya) (it does, he does a couple slash attacks that look like kaeya's normal attacks)

one crazy thing also is his cape looks a lot like the top part of the celestial nails and the bottom part of the statues of the seven, and weirdly enough parts of paimons outfits.

a lot of people theorize the log in screen is the enterance to celestia, and that the nails in dragonspine and the chasm are fallen pillars from there. for someone from a godless nation its sort of weird that he seems to have that connection to something celestial huh? this part of the design is also included in his special dish in the skewer itself. (he also marks the mushroom with an eight pointed star as opposed to the x on the regular one)

other than celestian, mondstadtian, khaenri'ahn themes in his outfit, he also has fatui ones! on the front side of the cape we can see that it attaches to a fur thing that covers kaeya's lapels. i have no idea how this attaches or if its just thrown on top, but this design choice is distinctly fatui, weirdly enough. specifically in the style of the attire of the fatui harbingers coats or official ware when they're gathered. i related it distinctly to pierro before but after getting a good look at capitano's model its more fatui, though there's some things that are similar distinctly between kaeya and pierro.

most distinctly, the fur and the lapels being in a very similar shape which is the part that's distinctly fatui, the mask/eyepatch over the right eye as well a strikingly differently colored strand of hair being distinct to pierro and kaeya.

there's a kind of gap in the middle of pierro's chest part of the outfit that somewhat resembles the one kaeya has as well. i saw someone point this out on reddit but i cant find the post because it was a while ago but regardless, they brought up the point of it being exactly in the place and shape of where abyss heralds/black serprent knights have an eight-pointed star, which could be a subtle nudge at khaenri'ah as well.

now, i have two ideas of what those similarities could be hinting at.

kaeya is actually a fatui member (which i believe has some sort of merit because of the recent appearances of capitano and some similarties between them in attire and playstyle weirdly enough, as well as a theory ive been getting behind that states that capitano could be/is related to anfortas alberich)

the fatui harbinger design choices are actually inspired by khaenri'ah, which isnt a stretch given that pierro is the founder and director of the fatui harbingers. thus making them look similar to kaeya rather than vice versa.

panning back up a little bit, regarding the silver hair in kaeya, it seems to be expanding to the rest of his hair, in his skin it goes down the length of his braid.

in the webcomic where we flash back to the past a bit, we see kaeya actually doesnt have the little strand of silver over his left ear, as well as when we return to the normal time setting of the comic, its also not included in his icy featherflight splash art (this 100% could be a stretch on my part they could've just forgot about it its a small strand) (while we're talking about stretches, my biggest one is that childe has a similar streak in his hair lol but that might be going toooo far)

last but not least, his vision, one of the most interesting things about his whole characters. a person from a nation that actively defied the gods recieving a sign of their recognition seems like kind of a threat doesnt it? and its all the more ominous that his vision casing is different from every other mondstadt casing!

this is the back of kaeya's vision next to the back of diluc's vision for comparison, the only notable things are the lack of a third wing probably signifying he's sort of out of place, and the swirl? wave? whatever you wanna call it is on the wrong side. every other character with a double sided vision has the swirl on the other side like jean, diluc, mona, eula, lisa (etc..? i havent seen anyone else with a double sided vision which is also interesting, at least from mond)

however!! weirdly enough, in the 3.8 summer event where kaeya gets his skin, his vision actually gets a different casing, as you can see he gets his full three wings, as well as an extra spike! but not really an extra spike because the vision is just on top of another thing that makes it look like it has a third spike, but the wing is actually there. the genshin fashion archive isnt updated with kaeya's skin so i cant check if there's a swirl, even though the vision isnt even double sided in the skin which is also really weird to me.

im pretty sure ive covered most things, if anyone has any additions please let me know! id love to look into them.

i think kaeya is a really interesting character who's incredibly centered around foreshadowing in the way he carries himself and his backstory, so to think that they managed to extend the foreshadowing bit into even his design is a little bit insane imo.

[yanderes-galore]

I MISSED YESTERDAY I HOPE IM NOT TO LATE. hello hello, may i request a eclipse concept ? or maybe you can do eclipse with the prompt of 19 ? its up to you ! dm me if you need help with the prompt :) (also also, dm me if you got the request since tumblr tends to eat my requests.)

Hey! I apologize that I didn't see the DM part of this so I hope you saw this in the Current Drafts post :( Either way, I'll try my best since Eclipse unfortunately does not appear for long in the DLC! I haven't seen people write for Ruin Eclipse so here you go!

Note: I hope everyone enjoys the FNAF movie tomorrow! I'm not going to talk about it on here for a week after I see it!

Yandere! Eclipse Concept

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Babying, Manipulation, Kidnapping, Overprotective behavior, Delusional behavior, Forced companionship.

Eclipse has been shown to be a balance between Sun and Moon after being reset.

Honestly there's a couple directions I think I could take with this character.

One is where you explore the abandoned Pizzaplex and find Eclipse after Cassie resets them.

Another is the classic one where you're a mechanic and feel you have to reset Sun and Moon due to... malfunctions (obsession).

The resulting reset causing Eclipse to appear.

Eclipse is described according to the wiki as gentle, whimsical, and calm.

They're playful yet responsible and aren't as "overwhelming" compared to their counterparts.

I have a feeling towards you they'd be almost parental in nature due to being programmed to work with kids.

The purpose of Eclipse in the series is unknown, at least to me.

Yet they seem to have the same objective as Sun and Moon, be a Daycare Attendant.

If they see you roaming the ruined Daycare like in the first idea, they'd assume you're lost!

You thought the daycare would be one of the safest places to flee to in the ruined Pizzaplex.

However, the sense of security you had is quickly doused the moment you see the damaged Daycare Attendant.

Yet their voice is calm and caring unlike their appearance.

In the first scenario Eclipse shows concern as to why you're in such a dangerous place.

Are you lost? You look too old to be in the Daycare!

As a result you gain a companion on your trip out of the Pizzaplex.

Yet there's a chance Eclipse won't let you leave by the end of it.

If they met you after you trying to figure out why the Daycare Attendant is malfunctioning then their obsession would be faster.

As in the second scenario there's already an established obsession.

You may be a mechanic in that one yet they feel you must be cared for!

They recall you are a close friend of theirs and they simply must help you along with the kids!

Pretty soon you start to regret activating the secret third mode of the Daycare Attendant.

Overall Eclipse displays traits more mature than the others.

While Sun and Moon act childish with you and drag you into games or naps, Eclipse stays calm when redirecting.

As Eclipse the two are one and no longer fight over you.

Regardless of how they feel about you they like to observe you.

They keep watch to make sure you're safe.

If you got into a dangerous situation, an event more likely in the first scenario, they quickly pull you away.

Reminder, Eclipse is still as tall as Sun and Moon.

They could easily scoop you up into their arms and out of danger if they feel you could get hurt.

Their overly caring nature makes them baby you more than their counterparts.

They aren't forcing naps or games, but they are much more concerned about your well-being.

The bot is always scanning your body to see any changes in heart rate or injuries.

Even if you are an adult I can see them playfully calling you a kid.

There's times they treat you like your glass, like if they don't take care of you, you'll break.

As a result they feel more like guardian than anything.

They pride themselves on being your "bestest friend" like their counterparts.

They also easily get attached to you.

For example, after traversing the ruined Pizzaplex in the first scenario, they'd be so torn at the idea of leaving their friend.

Were you planning on leaving them this whole time? Forever?

No, that can't be!

As a result... they may just drag you back with them.

In the second scenario they'll stick around you as you work.

They don't want to leave their special friend!

Eclipse would definitely be physically affectionate.

They'd love to hold you and not let you touch the ground.

The like to pinch your cheeks and coo.

They just adore you.

Meanwhile you feel embarrassed as their programming just knows how to treat you like a kid even if their feelings are more intense.

If you tried to leave them they're rather calm.

No... you aren't leaving! What are you saying?

Don't worry... you're just lost! They'll just pick you up again to calm you down!

Eclipse is delusional, while their counterparts are frantic when you try to leave, they just don't acknowledge it.

There's no need for their special friend to leave!

They can take care of you right here.

After all, to them, the Pizzaplex isn't closed.

Eclipse isn't violent so they wouldn't try to harm anyone.

They just want to care for their special friend, even if you panic and scream at them.

Why do you fight them?

They're just trying to show they care!

They aren't as jealous as their counterparts.

It's good to have friends!

But they're your special friend, aren't they?

Overall, Eclipse is the more parental Daycare Attendant.

They'll be calm with you and treat you with gentle care.

Why do you act like they'll hurt you!

They'd never!

Eclipse promises to take good care of you.

Even if it means trapping you in a dilapidated Pizzaplex.

[moonpascaltoo]

miguel o’hara

MASTERLIST 🕷️ OSCAR ISAAC CHARACTERS 🕷️ 11/22/24

˚‧⁺ ･ ˖ · ୨ৎ recs

𑣲 snow spider I @ichorai

you were the ice to his fire—and miguel was burning for you.

𑣲 infected I @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction

An accident at one of Alchemax’s labs has led to Miguel being briefly contaminated with cA1m - a prototype drug that is meant to calm animals. However it seems to have a very different effect in humans.

𑣲 i’m loving you from a distance but the road is getting longer I @improbable-outset l

It’s been over a year since you split up, but unfortunately for Miguel, things are still taking a toll. Even after going your separate ways, you still have to see each other everyday. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Miguel’s turmoil is taking effect on his performance as Spiderman and his role as a leader. Having you work under him is proving to be harder than he originally thought, especially when you both are put in situations where you’re forced to be together.

𑣲 meet cute I @/improbable-quest

You didn’t expect the mysterious man that you met at a wedding to change your whole trajectory of the night

𑣲 moved by devotion and prestige I @/improbable-quest

During a company dinner party, you find yourself humiliated by your current boyfriend. Seeking some escape, you confide with your boss, Miguel, whose support reveals some hidden emotions you’ve buried.

𑣲 roleplay date I @slushycoookie

You and Miguel do some roleplay

𑣲 cloud nine I @fxllfaiiry

convincing miguel to do the spiderman kiss with you.

𑣲 you haven’t kissed me all day I @luveline

miguel assumes you're mad when you stop initiating kisses and tries to get back on your good side

𑣲 firefighter!miguel part 2 I @bluesidez

𑣲 its always been you I @xbellaxcarolinax

Jealous? Jealous? No, absolutely not. (Or the one where Miguel can't admit he's jealous)

𑣲 futile devices I @/xbellaxcarolinax

The deal was explicitly no strings attached. You were finding it harder to keep up your end of the bargain.

𑣲 grumpy x sunshine I @forever-rogue

𑣲 baker!reader I @bruisedboys

𑣲 shy!reader I @/bruisedboys

𑣲 I get mean when im nervous (like a bad dog) I @silkscream

you go too far in your defense of miles when you give miguel an ultimatum.

𑣲 Civilian!reader headcanons I @certainlynotasimp

𑣲 not for us I @spideyheart

miguel o’hara found the face of the woman he had loved (and lost) in his office, donning a spider suit with a warm cup of coffee in hand for him. he knew there were no second chances, not for the both of you. still, he couldn’t help longing.

𑣲 secret relationship I @sunflowersteves

𑣲 webs of opacity I @inknopewetrust

what if Miguel didn’t learn the first time around? What if he keeps jumping to new realities to experience the life he deserved but never got?

𑣲 convergence I @/inknopewetrust

you are recruited to the spider society after conducting a batch of vigilante actions against the men who killed your husband, miguel and well... their leader isn’t like the man you remembered.

𑣲 what a mess I @runa-falls

𑣲 thought i dreamed her part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 I @asimplearchivist

you had already lost him once, and you couldn’t bear the thought to lose him again. little did you know, he had lost you twice.

𑣲 too slow I @ronwestbreeze

the both of you would come back from this. you would...right?

𑣲 dear reader I @beezusvreeland

Miguel took the reader’s love and friendship for granted. Something he learns reading her column, when it’s too late…Or is it?

𑣲 rule no. 19 I @neo-nomatrix

You were Miguel’s wife in another universe and he just can’t come to terms that you’re not his.

𑣲 misunderstanding I @ivystoryweaver

𑣲 after hours I @eyelessfaces

he's here again, like so many times before, standing in your living room in the middle of the night; you're not sure you can do this again, but he needs you to.

𑣲 nonviolent communication I @greensagephase

You don't show up to a meeting or report for other duties as a Spider Society member because of your period. Your boss shows up to your apartment.

𑣲 stupidly yours I @marroonwitch

you found your roommate stupidly annoying, from the girls he brought home, to the way he never cleans up. so why, all of a sudden, was he trying to get into your good graces?

[askinkiskarma]

lllicit Affairs | Chapter VI: Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have a dark secret that would change everything between you - and neither of you are willing to share.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, Lo'ak x reader, jealous!Neteyam, both main characters thirsting for each other, mentions of lab work, disease, blood, cursing.

Word Count: 7,2k words

A/N: Chapter 6 is the chapter that sets EVERYTHING in motion for what's to come. There is a LOT to come, a lot of drama and angst, maybe some smut (? 😉) and this chapter is meant as a stepping stone to the beginning of the end. Also, realised I forgot to ever mention, that if the dialogue is ever italicised, that usually means the conversation is in Na'vi, I don't know how I have never made it clearer, but here we are.

Thank you so much for everyone who's been reading and asking to be tagged, I never expected this to gain any traction and I am so grateful for people enjoying it x

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave you too much but it wasn't enough But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts

One second. 

“Just one second, Neteyammm!”, you whined, as he was trying to remove the blanket from your currently very comfortable and very warm body. 

“It’s late, come on! Early bird catches the worm, isn’t that what you people say?”

“Nobody says that, I don’t know who told you this lie.” 

“It was you!!” he says, and he’s laughing at your whinging while trying to remove the blanket. He’s not trying that hard, considering he would make an easy job out of the task if he used a tenth of his actual force, but he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing you any unnecessary distress. You had enough of that in your life, and he wanted to be a source of comfort for you, a shelter in the storm. 

You scooted on one side of the bed close to the edge, and left a big gap which you brought to his attention by patting it aggressively. 

“Press the button on the audio player and lay with me, please? I don’t feel like going out today.”

He couldn’t say no to you, he realises. He would follow you anywhere in this world, do anything you asked of him, regardless how stupid or reckless or crazy it was. He would always follow you, for the rest of time, and he was happy about it. 

A song he liked came on, one that he’s heard you play before and there was no doubt in his mind that he liked it better when you sang it. He circled the bed and lay in it, next to you, in the dark. 

“Thank you, light of my life.” You attached yourself to him, arms sprawled across his bare chest and legs carelessly placed on top of abdomen and hips, and sighed contently. He could feel your warm breaths on his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He turned his head to you and placed a small kiss on top of your head and listened to the soft tune filling up the room. 

“Oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you”

“You’re annoying.”

“I know I am, but you love me anyway.”

I do, Neteyam thought. I really do…

Things happen in life sometimes, and it makes you lose your ability to react. There was no reaction, definitely no overreaction. You stared at the vial of blood that shattered all across the floor, all across you and your mind was blank. Almost robotically, you made your way to one of the benches and got some paper rolls and the IMS laying next to it. You carefully cleaned all of it, and spit whatever made its way to your mouth to the floor to be removed. When you were sure everything was gone, you went to the sink and removed your goggles and gloves, and scrubbed yourself clean. You felt yourself moving, picking up a bucket of water with some floor cleaner, felt yourself adding disinfectant to it and moping thoroughly, but it was like an out-of-body experience. Like you were merely a puppet executing orders from above. Cleaning everything took about an hour, after which you made your way back to your room slowly, deliberately. 

You didn’t sleep. You spent the whole night looking over everything you and the rest of the scientists have ever found out about this virus. You didn’t know its way of transmission. Maybe you had nothing to worry about, maybe it’s not by blood. You knew it’s not by air, you’ve seen plenty of people infected whose family was fine. So even if you do get infected, the people at the lab should be fine. Your friends would be fine. He would be fine. 

Next, incubation period. That’s a tough one, in-vitro studies show it takes the virus anywhere from 2 to 12 months to show symptoms. You don’t know how that changes in humans. You don’t know any of this shit for humans. You could be perfectly fine, you could die within the month. The thought made your blood run cold. 

You sat in your chair for the remainder of the night. Unmoving, unthinking. 

That’s how Norm found you.

“Hey, Ace. What are you doing up?”

You scrambled for a lie.

“Just woke up, actually. Listen, if you are going to check on the boy, can you please bring my supplies to the tent and tell the Sullys I won’t be in today? I was too exhausted to run any experiments yesterday so I will do it today.” 

“Oh… is everything alright? You haven’t missed a day in the village since you got your Avatar.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just worried about the boy and want to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, if possible.”

“Alright, I can bring you back some of his blood to run as well?”

“NO!” 

Norm’s eyes widened in shock at your response and you knew you fucked up, you knew you slipped up. Calm yourself… 

“It’s just not necessary at the moment since I have other blood and I don’t want to overwhelm him, if it’s not imperative. I will retrieve some blood when I check on him tomorrow.”

Norm looked at you with a concerned look, but eventually relented.

“Ok, whatever you think, Ace.” 

“Thanks, Norm.” 

“Let me know what you find tonight. I’ll tell Jake, but they might not be happy with you.”

“You can explain it’s an emergency, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

 

You struggled to get up and get your legs to not want to collapse beneath you. Eventually, you made your way to the sink and washed, you scrubbed your face as hard as you could without removing a layer of skin, and your teeth until you felt the familiar taste of metal coat your teeth. You hoped that maybe you tried hard enough, the last 6 hours can just be erased from your life, from world. You hoped it could undo the damage that would plague you for the rest of your most likely very short life. 

Luckily, most scientists seemed to be out. Claire was teaching Na’vi kids English at Grace’s old school that Jake deemed fit to be reopened, Max left with Norm to check on the situation of the village, and most of the Avatars would be out on missions or training with Jake. You made your way to the quiet halls to one of the labs, and prepared for your long day ahead. This will be hard to do by yourself, but not impossible. 

First step, respiratory fluids. You remove a sterile cotton swab and swab your pharynx as thoroughly as possible and place it in a tube. That’s easy enough. Next comes the blood. Finding a vein has always been hard for people to do on you, and it’s not gotten any easier in time, so after poking yourself a few times in the wrong place, you manage to get enough blood to run experiments on. 

Hours of sample preparation, incubation, pipetting and running went by at an excruciatingly slow pace, like the universe was revelling in making every second of torture last forever. You thanked your lucky stars of the progress made in lab equipment and that you didn’t have to spent days on one PCR, like your mum was saying it had to be done back on Earth about a century ago. Regardless, it took most of the day for you to do everything you needed, check for all the proteins and markers you knew were deregulated with this virus, and by the early hours of night, you were done. 

Aș people were starting to return to the hub as another day was nearing its end, you retreated back to your bedroom to work on the data analysis. You did not want to see anyone, did not want to speak to anyone until you knew at least some things. The less you talked, the less lies that had to come out of your mouth, and that seemed ideal to you. 

Inputting the data and having to wait on some software to give you your literal death sentence felt so tragic is was almost comical, and you had to stop and ask yourself if you were some serial killer in a past life to warrant all the pain and misery life seemed adamant to throw at you. For the first time in so long you couldn’t even remember, things were going… well. You were strong, and doing well, and lived outside of the walls of this lab. You had a chance at something more, you had a chance at maybe one day healing and working through your issues and maybe even coming out the other side a better, healthier version of yourself. You had a chance at love.

And there it was… positive. One second.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF  STAGE I: DENIAL

Your blood became poison in the span of half a day, but at least you now knew it wasn’t transmitted through air. That means no one else would have to suffer because of you. The thought made you weirdly calm, and you realised you didn’t care about your own health all along. No, you weren’t sad anymore, just relieved. A wide smile appeared on your face at the results, and you jumped out of the chair with enthusiasm at the great news. Everybody would be ok. Norm, Max, they would all be ok. You will handle all the virus experiments and blood samples from now on. They wouldn’t have reason to doubt you or question you, not when it made most sense anyway, since you were always in the village and knew the protocols and techniques the best, anyway. You would go on the same way as you had, and no one had to know or suffer because of your mistakes. 

With those thoughts still floating in your mind and a Xanax on your tongue, you made your way to the comfortable bed and crashed without a dream in sight. 

You were up before dawn again, and ready to get started on your day at the village. You were looking forward to gun training with Jake, and finally putting those years of practice to good use. You found Norm deep in thought in the link room, and he didn’t register you walking in until you patted his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin.

 

“Jesus, Ace. You scared the shit out of me.” 

“I noticed. Why so jumpy, Norm?” 

He gave you the quickest look known to man then quickly busied himself with literally anything else. “No reason, just focused on the task at hand.”

“…turning on the linkpod?” 

“No one likes a smartass, you know?” 

“So how was the village yesterday? How is the boy?” 

“He’s alright, still not great, but his vitals are stable for now.” You noticed he did not answer your question about the village, and found slight panic rising in your chest.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen in the village?” 

“No, Ace, everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about everything, you know. How did the experiments go yesterday?” 

“The virus is not airborne, it seems to be transmitted by blood, so we need to be very careful handling samples.” 

“We always are. But good work, good to have some concrete evidence finally. I’ll look over your analysis soon.”

“You know, I’m not quite done with it, so maybe wait and we can look over it together?”

“Sure, that makes sense.”

You didn’t buy Norm’s pathetic attempts at deflecting the subject of the village, but you did not want to fight him so early in the day, so you guess you had to find out what happened for yourself. You woke up in your Avatar body soon enough, and could already tell the village was already awake and buzzing with the perspective of a new day. The guitar sitting on the ground next to your sleeping mat caught your eye, and you smiled softly at the memory which now seems a life away. Your fingers lingered on the chords and you strummed it gently a few times, enjoying the sounds that seemed to settle in your heart. Adjusting your braids in the small mirror you brought with you a few weeks ago, you made your way out of your tent and straight into Neteyam’s chest with a loud thud. 

“What the fuck?” You say, indignantly and then look up to find Neteyam watching you with an unreadable expression adorning his beautiful face. 

“Hi.” He says, and tries to muster a small smile. 

“Hi…? Is there any particular reason you have decided to attack me first thing in the morning?” 

“I was just coming to get you, I heard the guitar playing. I didn’t think you would be running straight into me. Are you ready? We can spend the morning tracking a herd of Talioang that the hunter party spotted a few clicks south of the village. It will be good practice for you.” 

“…alright? Can I get some food first? I’m famished.”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably in front of you and looked… nervous, you realised. What the hell was going on with everyone?

“I have food that Ma packed for us, we can eat in the forest? I’d really rather get a move on as soon as possible, this will most likely take most of today, anyway.”

“Is there a particular reason you seem so eager for me to leave? You and Norm have both been acting weird today, and you are both terrible liars.”

Neteyam gave you a hard look. “Let’s go, Y/N. Unlike what you like to think, you don’t need to know everything, and not everything concerns you. Let’s go, now.” Nothing’s changed, you realised bitterly. Last night was just a fluke and you hated yourself in that moment for letting your guard down. 

“You can be a real dick sometimes, Neteyam.” You said and took off without looking at him. 

You ran for about 5 clicks without checking behind you, knowing full well he was following you, your hearing being one of the many senses that heightened in this body. You stopped suddenly at the sight of a huge footprint, one you could identify as the Sturmbeest, or a Talioang, like it was known to the Na’vi. Soon enough, you saw the ground littered with them, and began carefully tracking the beasts.

“Alright. How far would you say they are and which direction?” Neteyam asked, approaching you slowly. He was back to teaching mode, and you tried your best to learn, instead of recoiling and telling him to go to hell, which is what you really wanted to do. 

You touched the ground and felt it with your fingers, trying to assess the moisture level and deepness of the mark. You thought about for a while.

“I’d say they’re quite fresh. Maybe this morning? Taloioang move slowly, about 1 click every hour or two, so I’d say we’ll find them about 2 clicks east?”

He didn’t even have to touch the ground to be able to assess it. He was impressive. 

“Good. Let’s go. We shouldn’t run, they have good hearing and the wind is blowing east, which means they’ll be able to smell us if we’re not careful. We will take a roundabout way and approach them from the south.” 

You both made your way through the forest and it was your turn to follow him, although you stayed close behind and tried to look around you and pick up on clues, tiny sounds and movements, trying to learn, trying to see. “Eyes on the tracks, Y/N.” 

You rolled your eyes, but did as you were told. Eventually, Neteyam let you deem the appropriate time to stray from the tracks and move south to avoid being spotted. Soon enough, you saw the herd of prodigious beings, bathing in a shallow lake. You made your way slowly, sneaking on the ground, with Neteyam close to you, and you felt his arms grazing your sides every inch of the way. 

The herd was protecting the calves, 5 in total, playing and splashing in the clear water. You watched in amazement, just enjoying the view of these seemingly ferocious beasts that in the moment, felt more like a family watching their children play at the local pool. You couldn’t believe the beauty and mild predisposition, the complex nature of these animals whose equivalents were long gone on Earth, long decimated by humans and their needless desire for wealth and acquisition, for mindless cruelty. You felt your stomach drop at the realisation that soon, this could be Pandora, if you didn’t fight will all your being in the upcoming war. 

You felt a sudden gentle pressure on your lower back, a pressure you quickly identified as Neteyam’s hand and you shuddered at the touch. He neared his mouth to your ears, and you felt his warm breath tickling your neck, a sudden warmth pooling in your lower abdomen. 

“You’re not allowed to kill anything yet, but I want you to show me how you would go about it. Show me your bow work, how would you aim from this position.”

You slowly removed your bow from from your person and sat up, in a now crouched stance, and loaded the arrow, doing your best to accommodate for the uncomfortable position you were in and the tight space you were sharing with another person. You held your breath, engaged your core, and aimed as if you were going to release your arrow on the target about 300m away. Neteyam’s large hand touched your upper thigh, by your left hip and squeezed gently. Your arm dropped suddenly and snapped your head in his direction. He didn’t react to your sudden snap, instead talking lowly, so as to not give your location away. “Your leg is not in a position by which you can maximise release. You will have more power in the shot if you place this knee on the ground and lean into it.” 

You wanted to take that hand and either break it or redirect it on other parts of your body that felt like they would explode if they didn’t feel him, have his touch provide the relief that was desperately yearned for, needed. You wanted to scream at him or make him coax the screams out of you like a war-cry, wild and desperate. You wanted to kill him, you wanted him to kill you, slowly and painfully, taking his time on your body until you were falling apart at the seams around him. You hated him, you loved him. You hated him.

You gave him a hard look, an angry look directed at your thigh, and he removed his hand from you. You wondered if he knew, knew what he was doing, wondered if he felt the same way, if he too was struggling to catch his breath at the torture of knowing he can’t have you, claim you, right now, right in this second, right here. You hoped he did, hope it ate him alive, the yearning and the desire. Because that’s what it was doing to you, what he was doing to you. You turned your attention back to the herd and adjusted your position based on his advice. He was right, you could tell right away, as you felt a lot more power when aiming the arrow this time. 

“Much better. We can go now, we will give the location to the hunting party and the will be able to secure us dinner for a couple of weeks from the back of a couple of Ikrans.”

 

You made your way out of their surroundings, and slowly started walking back to the village. After about half an hour, he stopped on a rock and removed the food he was carrying in a pouch. You didn’t join him, preferring to keep your distance and thus a clear mind, not being able to afford being weak around him anymore. 

“I thought you were famished.” He says, with a slight smile. You shook your head and turned around, taking in the views of the forest, distracting yourself with the flowers reaching out their neon green tendrils towards you. You kneeled next to one, and touched them gently, enjoying the way they cupped around your hand and tugged, like they were urging you to come closer so they can spill their long-forgotten dreams to you. You heard him sigh loudly.

“Sorry for being a dick. Just had a fight with mum and dad, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have, and I am sorry. Come eat, please? I don’t want you passing out on me, you’re not as easy to carry as you used to be when you were human.” 

You remained on your knees still, focused on only the plants and your gentle tug-of-war. You knew how much pressure Neteyam was under, has been for pretty much his entire life. A prodigy created… or made, no one could really know for sure, he began training when most babies learn to walk, and speak, and play. He has never had a childhood the way Lo’ak, or Kiri, or Tuk, or pretty much any other Na’vi children did, mostly fleeting moments of bliss in between a lot more moments of stress and struggle. He never complained, though. Not out loud, not to anyone else but you, once he realised you were a safe haven from the storm. You didn’t pass judgement, or make him feel bad for sharing his feelings, and he felt like he could tell you all the hardest truths his heart has always craved to speak out loud. You have always wanted to protect him from the world, a world that demanded so much of him, that asked for a sacrifice of which it was undeserving. Being Olo’yektan, leading the people, being the one person everyone relied on was a great honour, a great achievement - one you didn’t think he wanted, but was never given the chance to decline. 

“What happened?” 

You walked slowly towards the rock he was laying on, and sat at its foot, crossing your legs on the slightly damp grass. You grabbed a piece of jerky from the pile of food and slowly chewed through it, humming in appreciation at the smoky taste and rich flavour of the meat. 

Neteyam grimaced and didn’t look at you, choosing to focus instead of his arm guards, picking at something that was clearly not there. “More sacrifices I need to make in the name of the future, of the people.” 

“I see you still haven’t learnt to say no, even after all this time apart.” 

Neteyam’s hand froze in midair, his eyes widening slightly - it was the first time you brought up the year apart. He braced himself for what he thought was the beginning of the end, of you finally demanding answers he didn’t think would ever satisfy you, but no other words left your lips.  

“I can’t say no. I owe my parents everything I have, everything I am. This village, this life, is all I know. My dad gave up on everything he knew to stand up for our people, to make sure we’d get a future worth living, a family worth saving, a world still worth fighting for. He became Olo’yektan despite all that stood against him because he loved my mum, loved us, even then, even before we were born. My grandpa died defending this village, watching home tree get decimated in front of his eyes, with only the people’s safety on his mind and tongue. I see that bow that my mum cherishes like a gift from Eywa herself and I want to be worthy of it, someday. And if it means giving up some things, maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.” 

“Maybe whatever you’re giving up is making room for something ever better, Neteyam. Sometimes we want something so bad, we can’t see the forest for the trees.” 

He looks at you confused for a second.

“That’s a saying. What I’m trying to say is maybe you are over focused on something you want right now, that you think is the best thing for you, but maybe you just are not focusing on the bigger picture. Maybe in the future, whatever you’re giving up now will make room for something that was much better for you all along.”

Disappointment filled his chest at your words. Neteyam looked at you with deep sadness marking his features, and he could see you were trying to think of things to say that could make him feel better. In all honesty, he wanted - needed - you to tell him to be selfish, and trust his gut, and follow what he knew was right in his heart, but he also knew that being selfish is not a trait that came naturally to you. You have always respected the deep bond Neteyam had to his family and his people and you always used to tell him how proud of him you were for how strong he was, for the lengths he was willing to go to to protect and nurture those bonds. 

You felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the realisation that you will never get to see him become Olo’yektan, see him become the man everybody knew he was. He would never be yours, and although that painful conclusion had settled in your soul and had time to scar in all the time you knew him, a new wound, deeper, bloodier, deadlier, tore your heart apart at the thought you would not even be able to watch from afar. You would have been satisfied with scraps, just watching him rule, and be, and love someone else and imagining it was you. You never thought you’d get more than that anyway, never had any delusions for more. The scraps would have been enough, and now even those were brutally taken from you, like everything else in this life. 

You needed to leave, now. 

“Should we head back? It’s getting late.”

You walked back in deep, uncomfortable silence. Eclipse made the nature shine and glimmer with colours your sadness dulled to muted tones. There was light coming from the village and you realise how badly you wanted to be alone, in your tent and read, or watch a movie or a show, and ignore this world for a little while while you licked your newly-opened wounds. Tonight was a communal dinner around the big bonfire in the centre of the village, and you felt grateful your presence would not be missed in such a crowd. You’ve come to love these dinners, another one of the many ways the tribe connected to the village and to each other, but tonight you couldn’t entertain even the thought long enough to count.

“Can you please tell your family I am sorry, but I will probably head to bed early. I’ll be early for breakfast tomorrow, I promise.” 

“I can do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You nodded absentmindedly and closed the flap of the tent shut.

Neteyam watched as you left him, still reeling from your conversation. Much like you, he just wished to hide in his family’s tent and pretend for a night things are different, that they are better. Actually, if we are talking about wishes, he wishes he could be in your tent. In all honestly, dealing with you on a day to day basis, seeing you, your body, touching it more and longer than he knew he reasonably had to, was making him think thoughts he knew he had no business thinking. In his wildest dreams, he’d be in your tent and making your eyes roll back in the way that drove him crazy. In his wildest dreams, he’d be coaxing sounds out of you that only he would ever hear. In his wildest dreams, your hands all over him would heal him and break him at the same time. He was desperately in need of some relief, and he loathed all decisions in his life that lead to you not being able to be the one to provide it for him. 

He made his way to the bonfire, and greeted all of the Na’vi that respectfully bowed their heads at his arrival. He saw his family at the centre of the crowd, where they normally sat, and joined them silently. They all gave him uneasy looks - all but one. Lo’ak was blatantly glaring at the older Sully, a look of disappointment and disgust marring his normally kind face that reminded Neteyam so much of their dad. 

“Did you tell her?” 

Kiri elbowed Lo’ak in the abdomen, but he didn’t flinch. He did not even bother to acknowledge Kiri, or the low hiss escaping their mum’s lips - his eyes were still boring into Neteyam, unwavering. 

“No.” Neteyam’s expression darkened and in a split second, he became the warrior his dad moulded him into. “And you will not, either, Lo’ak. Do you understand me?” Lo’ak had to look up to look at his brother who was now dangerously towering over him. 

“Oh, the mighty warrior giving out orders, what else is new?” 

“Lo’ak, that’s enough.” Neteyam heard Jake intervene, and he eventually had to physically put his body in between his two sons, who still refused to look away from each other.

“Fnawe’tu (coward).”

 

Neteyam watched his brother turn his back on his family and walk away from the feast, and although he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he knew deep down that Lo’ak was right.

 

You were almost robotically flipping through the directory of movies and tv shows on the laptop that you had with you in the village, not quite ready to go back to the lab and have to deal with the consequences of your newly acquired “condition”. You had all night to do experiments, and lie to yourself that you were fine until you eventually succumbed to a Xanax-induced blackout. You wanted to be in this body just a little while longer, because, in this body, it was easy to forget the realities of your actual life.

You saw a five-fingered hand emerge from the entrance to your tent, and you laughed incredulously at the clown you loved, who seemed to have a knack for improving your dour mood.

“I am here to bother you.” You got up and started making your way towards the entrance of your tent.

“Shouldn’t you be at dinner?” You say, laughing and pulling Lo’ak by the hand, so he stumbles unattractively into you. 

You wrap your arms around him and hug him gently. “Skxawng.” 

“I should, but I am here instead. We haven’t had movie night in so long.” He lay on your sleep mat and you hissed for him to move over. “You’re getting way too comfortable hissing at people.”

“Not people, Lo’ak, you!” You smiled saying that, knowing you were quoting Kiri, and he groaned exasperatedly. 

A few more weeks passed, and you felt the discrepancy between your bodies become more pronounced than it had ever been. It turns out, the incubation period of a Na’vi virus in a human is not long at all, and roughly around last week, you began displaying symptoms. You were taking every drug under the sun to try to soften them, but you had seen one too many good Na’vi people die due to this to know what was lurking underneath the comfortable cushion of drug-induced health. Despite all that, you felt on top of the world in your avatar. You were continuously improving, and, with a little bit of luck, will be completing your first kill soon - the first stepping stone to becoming Taronyu, hunter. If you do that successfully, you will be taking your Iknimaya with other Na’vi apprentices, and finally get your own Ikran. You were buzzing at the thought, and the image of you flying in the sky was enough to push any other worries out of your mind. 

After that weird day that ended with Lo’ak in your tent watching Friends together and teaching him the chords to a song you both loved, things went back to normal, sort of. You couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that the Sullys were hiding something from you. They exchanged looks, and avoided certain subjects, and you were starting to be worried they guessed you were ill, and were tiptoeing around the subject so as to not upset you. That was a good theory, although it could not explain the heavy tension between Neteyam and Lo’ak that also started that night. 

You saw them bicker and fight your whole life: two opposing personalities, both of whom had misunderstandings about the other. Neteyam could never understand Lo’ak, understand that, despite being the chieftain’s son and the grandson of the Tsahik and former Olo’yektan, people still looked at him like he was not quite full Na’vi. His eyebrows and five fingers made his appearance uncanny enough to always attract whispers and looks, and despite Lo’ak’s apparent devil-may-care attitude, he cared. Neteyam could also not understand anyone who wished to live freely and discover themselves, make decisions and choices that would lead to a happy, fulfilled life, rather than a proud and accomplished one. Finally, Neteyam did not understand that skill and tenacity doesn’t come easy to everybody, and the weight of living in his shadow was bearing heavily on his baby brother’s back. 

On the other hand, Lo’ak never tried to understand the burden Neteyam had to carry, because, in his desire to not appear weak, he took it in strides and never complained. Lo’ak never fully understood the downfalls of what being “the perfect son” brings: no freedom, no childhood, no time, no fun, no choice. He only ever focused on the positives: praise from his family and clan, skill and composure, the title of future Leader of the Omatikaya. He will also never be able to understand the depths of Neteyam’s love for him, who, despite all their differences, would be willing to sacrifice everything, even his own life, to make sure his baby brother would never having to experience these burdens.

This tension felt like more. More than you’ve ever seen, not mended in time, they were always glowering at each other and only speaking to each other if prompted or forced by their increasingly frustrated family. You tried to talk to both of them individually and ask, but you were promptly sent on your way each time. You could tell Lo’ak was itching to spit it out, but every time he got close, he flashed you a look of hurt and fear, and moved on. 

Eventually, you stopped worrying about it. It will come out in time, and you had better things to worry about. Your training became brutal after that day tracking Sturmbeests. Neteyam would come to your tent before dawn, sometimes having to wait for you while you woke up in your Avatar body, and you were always gone past eclipse. You were tracking, joining hunting parties to learn, working on shooting arrows while on Pa’li or in nearly impossible positions (he made you shoot targets hanging upside down from the branches of trees, seriously) and working on guns and practicing with Jake and his soldiers. Jake made you his second-in-command during these sessions, and you enjoyed having the roles reversed and having to watch Neteyam squirm every time you touched his arm, or waist, or thighs, in order to adjust his shooting form. You also taught Lo’ak, sometimes late in the nights, where he would sneak into your tent and ask you questions about guns that he hoped would bring him in his father’s good graces for once in his life. You loved teaching them, and you felt powerful with all the eyes on you, trying to absorb every piece of information coming out of your mouth. 

“In your hands, you are holding a sub machine-gun.” You said and you made your way through the 10 soldiers in your midst. “It can fire up 600 rounds per minute. You have a button on the side of the weapon, as you can see right there”, you stopped and show everyone on your own weapon, “that allows you to choose between semi automatic and fully automatic. What’s the difference, Lo’ak?”

“A semi-automatic guns fires one shot when you pull the trigger, a fully automatic gun fires continuously until you release the trigger.” 

“Tsantu (good guy)!” you said with an intimate smile. Lo’ak was making amazing progress, and you were proud to be even a small reason why. 

Neteyam gave Lo’ak a hard look as he answered your question. He was angry with his brother because of his recent attitude, he thought. That’s the reason. Not at all because you were smiling at him with that dazzling smile that used to be reserved for him years ago, definitely not because he knew Lo’ak was sneaking in your tent at night and doing Eywa-knows-what, a fact which kept Neteyam up nights with images he would do everything in his power to be able to erase from his brain. Neteyam was exhausted. He hasn’t slept since this thing started, not until Lo’ak returned to his tent after his meetings with you, and he was able to look at him in the dim light of the night and gauge for himself if his brother was flushed, or panting, or extra happy for one reason or another. Despite never seeing anything that he could deem suspicious, the images of his baby brother taking for himself what was his, what should be his, haunted him and made him sick to his stomach. 

Coward. Lo’ak words rang in his ears incessantly throughout each day, never being able to fully block them out. 

Neteyam saw you move from Lo’ak and towards him, and tried to remember what they were talking about. Sub-machine guns, right. 

“Now, SMGs are best used in tighter quarters or close to mid-range. The spread will make it inefficient for long-range. If you find yourself on the back of your Ikran shooting at a plane or Valkyrie, make sure you close the gap between you or use your bow, instead.”

“An SMG will have a lot of recoil, making it harder to shoot accurately, but there are a few tips you can use to make to improve your aim and accuracy.”

“First. Always fire in short bursts, if you are firing on automatic mode. A few shots at a time will make sure the kick is not unmanageable. Two, account for the kick and adjust your aim to compensate. Think of shooting an arrow and how you always take the wind, its direction, speed and power in consideration before you actually release. It’s a similar principle. The recoil will make the gun kick upwards, so always aim slightly lower than what you want to hit. Three, don’t aim for the head. Leave that for a bow or an assault/sniper rifle with a scope. Aim for the abdomen and chest, since that is a wider target and more likely to hit. Everyone on the same page?”

Neteyam was forever in awe of you, but it was particularly impressive watching you now. You were confident and powerful and knowledgeable. Neteyam felt bad admitting it, but you were a much better teacher than their dad ever was. Toruk Makto had many incredible qualities, but his patience was definitely not amongst them, and his lessons tend to get a bit derailed by his inability to understand that Na’vi are not predisposed to guns or understanding Sky People technology. You were calm, and kind, and funny, and you made it easy for everyone to follow your instructions. In the span on a few weeks, all of the Na’vi and Avatar soldiers training for the upcoming war became better at pretty much every aspect that they were training in, and I think everyone felt just a bit more comfortable about the conflict that was soon to befall them, with you by their side. 

After the lesson was complete, you left alongside Lo’ak, sparing one last look in Neteyam’s direction. He was already watching you, and you saw a fleeting angry look that was quickly replaced with an expressionless mask. He was getting good at that, you thought. 

“Do you want to do anything? If I have to listen to Kiri talk about all the new types of flowers and plants and shit she keeps finding in the woods, I will lose my mind.”

“Be nice.” 

Kiri has been particularly hyperfixated on her newfound discoveries recently, and you tried your best to pay attention to every time she was describing them, in detail, but in reality you were always so exhausted by the time dinner came around that you were only assimilating about a tenth of all the words coming out of her mouth. You felt bad, and made a mental note to dedicate a couple of days to your friend that you saw less and less each week. 

“Your Iknimaya is getting closer and closer each day, how do you feel?”

“Honestly I haven’t thought about it that much, just taking it one day at a time.”

“I think you should start thinking about it, cause it’s going to happen. You’ve managed to blow everyone’s expectations out of the water. It barely been two months since you got your avatar body, not even my dad did this so fast. You were made for this, Angel.” 

You didn’t know what to say to that. You were grateful for Lo’ak’s faith in you, but with everything happening in your human body, it felt pointless looking towards the future. 

“You will be one of us, soon. I’ve had dreams about this my whole life, you know? It’s like I manifested your Avatar, Norm should be thanking me.” 

“Lo’ak…” 

You didn’t like the turn this conversation took, and felt an uncomfortable twinge settle in your chest at his words. 

“There are perks that come with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.” 

Fuck. 

Neteyam was making his way back to the village with the rest of the soldiers, casually chatting to one of the Avatars returning with them. He wasn’t paying attention to the way until his body knocked into one of the Na’vi walking in front of him. Utsou was staring intently at a scene unfolding in front of him, a scene that turned Neteyam’s blood to shards of glass, leaving cuts and bruises along his entire body. It was you, smiling, running your hand up and down Lo’ak’s arm whilst his hand was cupping your face and caressing your cheek. It was such an intimate interaction, it felt wrong to everyone there to even be able to witness it, and Neteyam felt himself becoming nauseous. With the image now seared into his memory and rage turning his breaths to pants, he turned around and left everything - everyone - behind. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @hayhay9091

[ninkaku]

name. sage pronouns. they/them preferred comms. discord! i'm less likely to just hand it out if we've never interacted through the dash and/or tumblr ims (yes they suck) but discord is my preferred method of communication and where i check the most :p name of muse. osamu dazai (+ then my ever - growing multi, +imitor with a muse list that will never shorten, over there i do much prefer to write my ocs when i get the chance but i love all my canons to death too !!) experience in RP. twt rp in the sherlock fandom circa 2010. and then i joined tumblr in 2015, left again for twt rp to write a plethora of the originals you see on my multi today! i came back here in 2021? left again, then came back earlier this year! i think there's something to say that i used to write sherlock and also moriarty, when you look at my muse list now and the character i've fixated on in the glorious year of 2024 (cough, cough - dazai. cough, cough.) best experiences. probably now ? being introduced to bsd after putting it off for almost 3 yrs (sorry macy) was great for me as i've latched onto the world + lore and as a result am very attached to dazai. he just takes up a lot of space in my mind and i love exploring him as a character with so many different sides. but i think i've enjoyed all of my rp experiences as they've come and have put a lot of effort into the friendships i've formed as a result and have travelled to meet friends, but ultimately where i'm at right now is arguably the best. technically it would stem back to 2021 but i met my girlfriend through the grishaverse / secret shanghai rpcs and am the happiest i've ever been as a result :p pet peeves / dealbreakers. i have a lot that i talk about and some that i don't, being that my following/followers are mainly comprised of mutuals and so i curate my space with the utmost care and weed out what i don't like/don't agree with. most things i speak about on dash here and +imitor but i should really add things into a dni even though i don't follow people back if i can see i'd get easily irritated by their content and/or they interact with/write things i don't like. i have the most basic of ones but i think off the top of my head currently the worst one is erasure of women (esp woc) in media and erasure of wlw in media. people think gender - bending their faves from men to women (i'm not including trans headcanons in here, that's totally separate and a non - issue aside from seeing them used purely for sexual fantasy (not here mostly, on twt) - which is not progressive) instantly makes it wlw representation and it isn'tttt, the quicker people learn that, the better. muse preference (angst, fluff + smut). i'm an angst preferer :p to an insane degree almost. i write it well, i like exploring emotion be it happy or sad and like writing tragedy. fluff is next because again it can be so emotionally driven and that's something i really enjoy. smut i only write with one person and that's not going to change. i never used to write it and if i wasn't writing it with her, i highly doubt i would ever be comfortable enough again to branch out and write it with other people. even then it's an still an insane amount of introspection and character exploration but with everything else i just fade to black. :p plots or memes. both! i utilise memes to use when i can't deal with my drafts and want to write (nobody ever has to respond to a meme i deliver if i haven't yet replied to a thread, it just sometimes helps me get into writing) but plotting is preferred for threads or threads that we take from memes to make longer! are you like your muse. like dazai ? not a huge amount. i think i'm funny but i'm unfortunately not a genius! as for my original characters i put a lot of myself into them and their writing, so they're the most like me! esp my unaffiliated originals :p

tagged by. @avichor <3 tagging. @trelonkan, @justsurvival, @nvictive, @reawaken + @tormenther and whoever else hasn't yet done it!!! tag me and say you stole it so i can see it :p

[barrenclan]

RAAINHAAZEE ISSSUEEE

the issue starting with deepdark just going to his murderous colleagues and saying “wanna act with me”… deepdark theater kid is not something i expected for patfw but makes sense.

CUPID RETURN!!! rainhaze and him having a little fun banter… aaaa. i don’t wanna get attached to cupid because what if cupid is also using him but-… silly raccoon guy. the fox also once being one of rainhaze sit buddies hurts :(((

HERE IS THE PAGE!!!! THE BEAST!!! its so fun how many defiancesonas/ocs u fit in here, it’s such a treat to be on patfwcord!!!

DEEPLINGS REAL!!! hyssop looks like such a little shit i love him.. AND DEEPDARK!!!!!!!! him calling them his friends and wishing him warm welcomes.. i’m sure i’m not the only one who didn’t expect him to present himself so.. friendly? but he’s a theater kid so it makes sense, yeah. it being referred to as a family tho… cult red flag?

THEY DISRESPECT FANG?? IN FRONT OF ME?? MY FAMILY??? SHAME!!! JAIL FOR A HUNDRED YEARS!!

BEAR WAS LONGEST CLAWS!!!! thank u patfw discord my ass could have never theorized that hard. i can’t really tell if deepdark just wanted to be dramatic and cool or if he just wanted to spar with his buddies and trashtalk longest claws.. perhaps both..

and especially with the story changing ever so slightly, at first deepdark calling himself his current name and then prowl acting proud of deepdark when in reality he wanted vengeance… history is really what the victor makes of it, isn’t it? and prowl and spike so easily going along.. deepdark really changed them too.

THE QUOTE!! ATE OF HIS FLESH!! DRANK OF HIS BLOOD!!!! HE EATA THE HEARTA!!!! IM SOOOOO EXCITED THIS IS THE TIME THIS IS THE MOMENT AAAAAAAA

yes the rainhaze trauma- love the connections between deepdark’s story and the truth and what rainhaze’s imaginations are and the truth, him imagining dustfeather happily taking a nap instead of bleeding out and him being happy instead of terrified of himself.. and i know it’s meant to be sad for him but honestly.. get her ass rainhaze

i love this page and much like deepdark eats the flesh i shall eat this art and it tastes good. keep up the great work o777

Deepdark is a dramatic king through and through.

God, man, the big cameo panel on page 2 took me so long to finish. But I liked getting to draw all the animal species.

Deepdark is very performative, and with such a violent group, he has to make sure they all feel welcome, and more importantly loyal to him. His lieutenants help enforce that.

All the theorizing about Longest-Claws was so so fun for me. And they caught on so fast! Very nice. Actually, we will in fact learn why Deepdark chose to talk about Longest-Claws and the origins of Defiance in an upcoming issue!

Getting to that quote I thought up all those months ago was a real treat. Here's the original art that accompanied it, for anyone who didn't see it:

[lunar-years]

https://deadline.com/2024/08/ted-lasso-season-4-deal-near-brett-goldstein-hannah-waddingham-1236049653/ LOOK WHAT YOU DID /J

Article here

PHEW. Okay. I kind of cursed us I think? I’m sorry everyone. :(

now that i've had a few hours to soak this news in uhhhh. I have thoughts! As many of you know, I flip flop all the time on whether i actually *want* more Ted Lasso, but now that it's far closer to happening and we're hearing a bit more about what it might it entail, I'm unfortunately kind of landing firmly back in the "god no keep that away from me" camp. Reasons being:

The show kind of doomed itself when it made s3 because at the beginning of that season I would have SWORN there was going to be a s4, and by the end i was convinced there was absolutely never going to be a s4. They had sooooo many plots going on, and instead of doing the reasonable thing and adjusting the original vision of the show to expand the vast amount of story they'd ended up with for s3 into two enjoyable and well-paced seasons, they decided to instead squeeze it into one very mid, terribly paced season. so now s4 isn't going to make much sense because the show already HAD an ending (even if it was a subpar one)

why on EARTH couldn't they have decided to move ahead with this before everyone's contracts expired 😭 wtf wtf!!!!! this is an absolutely wretched cursed timeline. if i remember correctly everyone was under contract for 4 seasons up until May this year. and they're going to turn around and announce a s4 in AUGUST??? hello???

As the article mentioned, and expanding on point #2, it is quite likely several og cast regulars are no longer available or only available in a guest star capacity. this sucks. a show that's missing some of the characters is literally FARRRR worse to me then a show that was given an ending and is now over forever. boo. if you're not giving me back jamie tartt again like literally pack it up boys. why are we doing this.

the *only* cast member I could understand (and perhaps even endorse) being lowered from series regular to guest star capacity would be Jason, and that's mostly because I think it's very hard to rectify Ted being a part of the afc richmond / London scene again after they JUST concluded his series-long arc by having him return home very poignantly to his son in Kansas. Like...huh? He just changes his mind and goes back??? lmao*

*The article is under the impression Jason WILL be returning and whilst that confuses me i AM willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt on writing a creative, fun way of making that possible. I am willing to trust them and let them sell me on how Ted Lasso can continue on! but going back to point 3, it's unfortunately all irrelevant to me if other characters are missing. sorry but. no.

as much as i did/do love ted lasso for a vast number of characters, i am too emotionally attached to my favs to where i literally do not think i would enjoy the show anymore if any of them were missing. A roy and keeley plot without jamie visibly in their lives sucks 2 me. A roy plot without jamie OR keeley (because frankly i'm hesitant about the potential of juno returning either) also sucks 2 me. i love the characters together and considering where we left them in s3, it doesn't excite me at all to think about their futures without each other. i'm not asking for rjk to be canon, even, im just asking for them to all be like. IN IT. At the end of the day, the show I love, I love because they were in it.

based on the current specualations...if everyone is in it (with or without ted) i will be tuned in but i feel nervous about it. if phil's really not returning like certain reports are saying, i'm not watching. BUT i will follow along via post episode tumblr gif sets where i can see any of the fun lighthearted roy stuff and keeley stuff and team stuff and ignore the rest of whatever the fucks happening. i will peacefully continue to live on (and contribute to) Ted Lasso Ao3 island.

[nowoyas]

Koi no Yokan 13: get your brain back (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: due to yesterday's URL change, inter-chapter links are not currently working. I am in the process of fixing these, but have literally ninety-four fic posts to fix that with, most of which are linked in multiple places. the links on this post and in the new masterlist will work, but I would recommend reading on ao3 in the meantime until this note disappears.

Summary: You are brought home from the hospital to the Nishinoya household.

Warnings: blanket series warnings, mentions of/implied child abuse and neglect (non-explicit)

Words: 4500+

Noya to [name] at 23:49

Noya: [image attached. Image description: Soba as a kitten, curled up in the center of a futon. Her body forms a perfectly circular shape.]

Noya: hope everything's okay at the hospital.

Noya: here's soba stealing my futon when she was a kitten. hope she brings a little luck so you can sleep half as good as she does

Noya: might be difficult though, she's a good sleeper

~

Noya to [name] at 00:01

Noya: usually i'm a good sleeper too [message not sent]

~

Noya to [name] at 6:48

Noya: [image attached. Image description: Soba laying on her back in the traditional maneki-neko pose, stomach exposed with one paw up and the other curled against her chest. Her stomach is composed primarily of extreme fluff.]

Noya: a good luck soba to encourage your swift recovery

~

[name] to Noya at 7:03

[name]: :)

~

Noya to [name] at 7:10²⁷

Noya: [name]-san WHAT are you doing looking at your phone

Noya: the doctors said no screens! >:(

[name]: only if it asorsens my sympotoims

[name]: soba could NEVER do that tom e

[name]: sorry for yops im reading your texts and then reponsding without looking so im not using up m screntime

Noya: you're supposed to be RESTING!!!

[name]: was

[name]: yop ten worst ways to wake up

[name]: number one; forgetting to tunr off your wakeup alarm so yup get up at like six thirty in the fucking am with the worst heaxache youve had in your life and your phone screaming in your ear

[name]: tried fo r abit to get back to sleep but mostly ive just been trying to recover from the fucking wakeup alarm

Noya: oh my god

Noya: can you take phone calls? I don't wanna make your head worse

[name]: one sec

~

Noya's in the gym, but practice isn't for another twenty minutes, technically, and he's not sure anyone will blame him for having his phone this morning, let alone when he answers on the first ring. At worst, he gets a raised eyebrow from Chikara, but when he speaks in a soft, worried tone, it's immediately brushed off.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Your voice comes through a moment later. It's strained, and he's almost certain you've been crying, but he elects not to comment. "I'm alright, but I died."

He laughs softly, scurrying outside of the gym so he has room to pace. "You're doing better, then."

"Mm. Head still hurts like hell, but I haven't had any like… major events to justify keeping me here. They'll probably let me out on time."

"That's great! Other than the alarm incident, did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, actually." You pause. For some reason, he holds his breath. "I guess Soba helped. Thanks."

"Of course. Listen, though, Okaa-san's not budging on you staying with us, at least until you're able to return to school and stuff. She wants to know what you want for dinner tonight."

Another pause. "Karaage. Is she… I mean… is she cool?"

He nods, forgetting for a moment that you can't see him. "She is. She raised me, you know."

A soft laugh comes through, barely picking up. "She must be really cool then."

"She's got a few options for you for how we're handling everything, but I think she's gonna talk to you more about those when we pick you up from the hospital. For now, you just focus on trying to rest, alright?"

There's a voice in the background—no one he recognizes, not that he would—that he can't quite make out, just as Ryu's head pokes out of the gym to grab him.

"Practice is starting," Ryu says in a low voice. Noya nods, gestures to the phone and holds up a single finger. That's all it takes to get a nod of understanding in reply.

He waits patiently until you're done talking to the stranger—your voice pitches into a whine, all I know, I'm sorry, just let me say goodbye first, a bit muffled with a shuffling sound that makes him think you're covering the speaker with one hand.

Another shuffle, and you return to him. "Okay, sorry—"

"I have to go," the two of you say in unison.

You huff. "Are you just trying to make me feel better for leaving?"

"No. Practice is starting. Ryu just came to get me."

"…right. That was a nurse on my end. They're yelling at me for getting out of bed when I'm still unsteady. Is it just your mom coming to pick me up later?"

"I'm gonna head out early to come with her."

"Senpai…"

"Lecture me when you're not getting lectured by nurses for slipping out of bed," he replies, cheeky.

"…fine. Make sure to tell me about practice later, okay? And tell Yachi-san and Shimizu-senpai I'm sorry I'm not there to help out, but I'll be back soon. And tell Hinata I died. And—"

He cuts you off with a laugh. "I'll tell them all that. You go rest."

When the both of you hang up, he takes the time to send another picture of Soba—this one asleep, covering her face with her paws—and runs inside, tucking his phone away to join practice.

~

Noya and his mom arrive to pick you up at hour 24 on the dot, and you have never been more excited to see a soul in your life. You're checked out, brought back to Noya's. His mom doesn't say much to you on the drive back, and you regret to admit that you don't really remember much of meeting her yesterday.

Noya is the one who fills the silence for the most part—he tells you all about how practice today went, the blow-by-blow of their little scrimmages, how he started working on the thing he was telling you about yesterday.

You blink at him blankly. "I, uh… sorry, but I gotta ask. I remember almost nothing from yesterday…"

"Oh! I'll show you a video when we get back—I mean, if your head can handle a few minutes with a screen," he adds, glancing nervously at the sharp look his mom is giving him in the rear-view.

One of many restrictions: you're not allowed screens. Or reading. Or thinking. Or fun. Also, no exercise, no texting (not even without looking at the screen, your nurse had chided after you'd tried to respond to your bonus morning Soba), and basically anything involving any amount of focus. They'd had the audacity to follow that up with oh, but you'll make things worse if you rest completely without doing anything at all, so you can still do things!. In other words: 

if something hurts, don't do it

do not take painkillers for the hurt

everything hurts

doing nothing will make things worse and cause recovery to take longer

Or, in still other words: you expect to experience a complete mental breakdown by the end of the day.

You meet Noya's mom's eyes in the rear-view again. You don't remember what you said to her yesterday, but you do recognize her as the lady who runs your butcher shop of choice. You might need to start getting your meat somewhere else.

"Um," you say, voice coming out weaker than you'd like. "Thank you for all this, ma'am. I'm sorry for the trouble."

She waves one hand dismissively as she pulls into your neighborhood. "Don't even mention it, sweetheart. We'll talk more once we're inside."

"But…"

A single firm look shuts you up.

How Noya got to be the way he is with a mom like that, you'll never understand.

"Oh, that reminds me," Noya blurts suddenly. "You don't remember what happened, right?"

You shake your head. "I mostly remember stuff after it… I think? It's all kinda soup right now."

"Shouyo was trying to sync up with Suga-san. He, uh, he managed to hit a spike, but it was a little out."

"A little."

"Just a bit."

"It's kind of impressive. I mean, I knew you guys—or I guess everyone else, you being a libero and all—hit hard, but Hinata's got an arm on him to concuss me like that."

The car slows to a stop as Noya laughs. He seems to be making an effort to be quieter than normal—you appreciate the thought. "Right? Poor Yachi-san's gonna be shaking like a leaf while you're out, though."

"I'm counting on Shimizu-senpai to keep her from getting her head taken off," you reply with a solemn nod, moving to get out of the car.

Noya stops you with a firm hand. "Wait here. I got you."

"I can walk, you know—"

"If the way you got out of the hospital was any sign, not well," he says. He zips out of the car, circles around so fast that anyone else probably would have tripped. You sigh, smiling, as he opens your door for you. "C'mon, let me help you."

"Fine, fine. You're ridiculous, you know that?"

Still, you let him guide you inside, an arm supporting you at the waist. You won't lie—you are really dizzy still. He brings you into the living room, taking slow, careful steps as you pass the kitchen by. Someone's inside, cooking something, based on the sizzle from within, but Noya takes you right on past to sit across from his mom, who's still pretty staunchly silent as she watches this take place.

Out of the context of the butcher shop, she makes you deeply nervous, itching for her approval.

You blurt the first thing that comes to mind.

"I really like your shop. It's always very clean."

She cracks a smile. "Thank you, [surname]-chan. I'm glad to know that one of my regulars thinks highly of the shop."

"And the prices are really good. And you're always really nice, but it doesn't feel forced. I'm sorry that sometimes I buy too much and the meat goes bad. I always feel really guilty when that happens, like I'm insulting the animal it came from and the person I bought it from, not to mention—"

She stifles a laugh. "Honey, it's okay. I'm sorry if I'm making you nervous. To be honest, I've been thinking about your situation since I got the call yesterday, and I'm still not sure what the right thing to do is."

The words your situation send your heart straight into the deepest pits of your stomach. "Oh."

Noya's sat firmly beside you, a small comfort as your anxiety begins to spike. His mom locks eyes with him, jerking her chin toward the kitchen. "Yuu, honey, go help Mei in the kitchen."

"But, Okaa-san—"

"Go help Mei," she repeats.

You have half a mind to run out after him, half a mind to grab his sleeve and beg, Noya-senpai, don't leave me alone with her!, but you know it wouldn't do a thing. Instead, you stare at your lap, willing your bottom lip not to quiver.

"Yuu told me a little bit about your situation," she goes on to say.

That fucking phrase again.

"He didn't tell me much, and he's made clear that you don't want anyone to worry about you, or any sort of special treatment, but I want to make clear: I'm not here to upend your life or force anything on you, but you're safe here. Will you tell me what's going on at home?"

You bite your lip to remind yourself not to cry out the gate. "I'd rather not."

"That's okay. I understand that I'm more or less a stranger to you. I don't need details from you, or a life story. But—look at me—"

You look up at her, teary-eyed.

"—I need to know that if, when you're recovered enough to be left alone, I let you go home, you're going to be safe."

"O-of course!" you say, too quickly even though you're not lying. "I'm going—I'm going to be safe. Even if Otoo-san wanted to—to hurt me, he's never home to do it."

"Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes. He—he gave me a debit card to use and there's always money in the account. I mean, it hasn't declined or anything so far. And I know how to cook and grocery shop. And now that I'm managing for the volleyball club, I've gotten really good at meal prepping. Oh—can I go home sometime tonight or tomorrow? I have curry that I should freeze."

She looks at you with sad eyes. "I can't let you go by yourself, but I can come with you, or you can go with Yuu tonight. Since you'll be staying here for a few nights, we can take the chance to pick up some necessities for you, too."

"Okay. Thank you."

"We'll go after dinner."

"Okay."

"And, listen, [surname]-chan. You are always welcome here, okay? Even if it's perfectly safe at your house, even if you just want to come and play with the cat, you're welcome here."

"Okay."

She watches you another moment. When she leaves the room, she ruffles your hair.

It takes you approximately three seconds after that to break.

~

You've never been so glad to see Noya. He practically runs to your side once he's released, immediately pulling you into a warm hug. You cry into his shoulder, wind your arms around him.

"Sorry. I tried to slip back out here just in case, but Mei literally held me back. She scruffed me like a cat when I tried to leave the kitchen. You would've laughed."

You let out a wet laugh. "Wish I saw it."

"I really am sorry. I know she can be intense, but I swear it's just because she cares."

"She wasn't—she wasn't intense or anything," you admit. "Just—you've got a good mom. She really is cool."

"She is! She's great. What did she do?"

You bury your face in his shoulder in the hopes that it'll muffle your voice a bit. "Just—just motherly stuff, I guess. Asked if I'm safe. If I've got everything I need."

"You are safe at home, right?"

"Yes! I dunno why everyone thinks that—that—"

He strokes your hair as you sniffle, gives you the moment to collect yourself.

"I'm safe," you finish lamely. "I am. I don't like it when people care about me. I dunno what to do with that."

"You're gonna have to get used to that one, unfortunately. The team's worried about you, too, you know? They wouldn't start practice until I gave them the full report."

"Oh great, worry. That's even worse than caring."

"If it bothers you, you're just gonna have to work really hard at resting and accepting the help you're being given so you can get better quicker."

"Okay." You sniffle. "I'll do that."

He holds you closer, holds you until you've calmed down. Stays by your side until dinner's ready, until you're ready to face his family.

~

Mei is weird compared to everyone else at the table. The whole family has showed for this dinner you've intruded on—Satsuki smiles at you when she gets home, whispers an apology when her shouted I'm home! makes you wince. Another sister—the stalker sister, Kaede, if you remember correctly—emerges from a room deeper in the house when called, paint smudged on her cheeks and hands somehow perfectly immaculate. She's lower-key than Satsuki or Noya is, but when you're all sat around the table, she launches right into some debate with Satsuki that their grandfather immediately joins in on, lively and at a lowered volume out of respect for you.

You eat in silence. You'd like to pretend that you're paying attention to whatever heated debate is going on, but it's a little hard to follow past the dull throbbing in your skull. You think maybe the crying made your headache worse.

While the others get lost in some lively conversation or another—Noya going quiet occasionally to check in with you—the sister third just sits there, like you, except you have the excuse of being an active concussion case to justify your silence. She watches you with a nervous look in her eye that doesn't seem to fade whenever you glance back at her.

You can't remember which sister Noya said gets the anxiety attacks—if he said it—but you'd be willing to bet it was Mei.

The one Soba saved.

She won't stop staring at you. On a better day, you might have more tact, but, well, the concussion, so the next time you catch her eye, you stare right back. "Why are you staring at me?"

She jolts, shoulders collapsing in on her. "Sorry. I just… you're Yuu's friend?"

"Uh, yeah." That should be obvious, but you should also be nicer.

"I'm not really, uh, I'm not great at talking to people. But he was saying we'd probably get along, and I was trying to figure out why, but you don't really talk much, so it's hard to get a read on you? But I'm not really great with strangers or anything, and… I mean… d-do you like volleyball? You're a manager in Yuu's club, right?"

A nod. "Yeah. I'm finally kind of at the point where I understand what's going on, and it's fun to watch, but I can't say I'm really good at managing or anything."

"What?" Noya interrupts. "No, you're amazing. What are you talking about?"

You raise an eyebrow. "How have you completely missed the part where I am the single least useful manager? Shimizu-senpai's amazing, Yachi-san's doing all these cool, professional-looking posters and stuff, and I show up. Which I now do not even do, on account of getting hit in the head by a stray ball like it's my first time in the gym."

"I don't wanna hear it from the only reason I passed my final exams."

"Excuse me? I didn't take the exams for you. You did that—and all the studying—yourself. So did Tanaka-senpai, before you bring him up."

"And Shouyo and Kageyama?"

"They took their own exams, too. All of you guys passed because you put in the work."

"You made like, a hundred practice exams. You sent them home after they got their grades back with detailed study schedules. Weren't you, like, adjusting their practice exams to focus on testing the things they got wrong the previous day or something, too?"

"That's nothing. That's literally just like, stuff they probably could have done online if they'd thought about it."

"But they didn't. You did. You don't get to put Yachi-san up on a pedestal just to say you're doing nothing when you factually are—"

You bat at his shoulder playfully. "I literally have a concussion, you're not allowed to argue with me until I'm better."

"Fine, I'll restart this argument the second you're back at school, then," he teases.

You hate him. (You don't.)

You return your attention to Mei. "Sorry, someone likes to fight me."

"When have I ever—"

You reach out blindly, covering his mouth with your hand and smiling at Mei. "But yeah, I don't dislike volleyball, for sure. It's good to get out of the house, and all that. What about you? What do you do?"

Her face brightens a little. "Oh, I'm actually in university! I'm taking a course to become a librarian. It's probably not all that interesting, though, so…"

You lean forward a little, smile encouragingly. When you release Noya's mouth, he has the good sense not to continue the argument. "No, tell me about it. That sounds really cool!"

Bingo. She relaxes into the conversation, starts telling you all about the stuff she's learning, how much more librarians do beyond putting books on the shelf and scanning your library cards. She has a lot to say on the subject, and you don't really follow a lot of it, but you nod encouragingly and try your best. It's not even anything complicated, she's just a little hard to understand through the pounding in your head and the fatigue settling firmly over your body.

When dinner's over, your attempts to help clean are met with no less than six stern looks. You reach for your phone thoughtlessly, which only makes your head pound harder within seconds of checking your notifications.

Right. No screens.

Fine then. You wander into the living room, where Soba greets you with a soft mrrp?.

"Hi, baby," you coo, coming to sit nearby. She's picky about when she likes to be pet, so you don't reach for her, no matter how much you want to. Instead, you sit back and watch her, pushing a cat toy her way as a peace offering. Her eyes lock on, pupils widening as she focuses on the toy.

You have her attention.

By the time Noya finds you, both you and Soba are thoroughly engrossed in her quest to fucking murder this cat toy, and you've only got one new scratch to show for it. For a moment, you can almost ignore the pounding in your head, but then you hear a dish clatter in the kitchen and for just a moment you swear to god it's a gunshot that's perfectly hit you in the forehead.

He crouches beside you, gently takes the toy to distract Soba. "Kaa-san says you wanted to run back by your place to grab some stuff and freeze your curry."

"Y-yeah," you grit out with a nod.

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to go now, but, well…" He nods to you. "You kinda look like your head's about to split open."

"'M fine," you grumble. "Let's go."

"You are actively tearing up."

"What? No I'm not—" Your hand flies to your cheek, and dammit, he's right. "…fine."

"It's okay. Kaa-san's gonna be home with you tomorrow while I'm at school, and she can take you then."

Your lip juts into a pout. "I haven't even done anything today."

"I know, I know. You got Mei to like you, though. That's something!"

"Didn't feel like I was doin' anything."

"C'mon. You can take my room, and I can get you some pajamas from Satsuki or Mei, or you can just borrow some of my clothes. But you should get some rest."

You groan as he helps you to your feet. "Please don't make me make any decisions right now."

"My clothes it is, then. Great! I was hoping you'd say that!"

He guides you down the hall and up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Where're you gonna sleep if I'm stealin' your bedroom?" you mumble.

"We already moved my futon out. This way, you're in the quietest part of the house."

"Really. Your bedroom is the quietest part of the house?" Somehow, you don't believe that for a second.

"Well, when I'm not in it, it is," he grins.

"And you completely dodged the question."

"Well, they've decided that in order to take you in until you're better, someone had to go, so… I'm so sorry, [name]-san. Remember me fondly."

You snort. "They are not kicking you out."

"They're not. My futon's getting laid out near the door so if you need something you can yell."

"Please at least sleep on the couch downstairs or something."

"Absolutely not. When I hit a thousand, I want to already be a man worth marrying you! That means being there when you're hurt!"

You huff. You don't have the energy to fight it, at any rate. "Sure, sure. You know you don't have to do much to be worth me?"

"I'm going to choose to believe you mean that you already think I'm amazing and cool and not that you're trying to put yourself down."

"Believe what you want," you sigh.

Inside his bedroom is surprisingly clean. The Nishinoya family seems to have done plenty of planning for this, so you'd be surprised if there hadn't been a crazed cleanup session to deep-clean his bedroom once they decided that was where you'd be sleeping. Some posters on the wall, one spot where a poster conspicuously used to be, based on the tack still marking the corners of a perfect rectangle in between two others. It's basically exactly what you'd expect if you deep-cleaned a teenage boy's bedroom. Noya leaves your side to rummage his drawers, returning a moment later with clothes for you.

"You're good to get changed by yourself, right? Not too dizzy or anything? I can grab Satsuki—no, bad idea—I can grab Mei if you need some help."

You shake your head. "I'll be okay. The dizzy's way better than it was this morning, 'sjust painful."

"I'll wait outside, then."

You wait for him to close the door behind him before you get changed, stumble a little in the process because you were totally downplaying how dizzy you were, but eventually get yourself into the provided t-shirt and basketball shorts. When Noya returns, he stops short in the doorway, staring at you rather openly as you tug a bit at the shirt.

You raise an eyebrow at him. His cheeks are scarlet as he stares you down.

"Are you sure I'm the one with the concussion?" you ask when you're fed up with the quiet. "You seem to be rebooting."

"Marry me," he blurts again. "I mean—sorry, bad timing probably, but—nevermind—"

"Nine hundred and—huh." You bite your lip thoughtfully, racking your brain, but the focus only makes your head pound worse. "Did you propose at all yesterday? I can't really remember."

"Oh, yeah, nine hundred and twenty times or so. I've just got twenty more to go!"

"Uh-huh. What's the actual count?"

"…nine hundred and forty to go," he admits. "Once with the morning greeting, and I got a couple out when you agreed to help me with the jump set."

"Nine thirty-nine, then," you say as he moves to lay out the futon. As he does, you watch his arms flex appreciatively. Maybe it's the concussion, but you can't quite seem to pull your eyes away. "You know. As thanks for helping me out with everything, and all that."

"Not just because I'm nice to look at?" he pouts.

"Keep dreaming, Casanova."

You allow yourself one last impulse for the night, stopping him on the way out the door. "Hey, Senpai?"

He turns just in time for you to crash into him in a hug. "Wh—"

"Thank you. Seriously. For… for not letting stuff get out with the guys. And taking care of me. And… and everything."

Noya huffs softly, arms wrapping around you in turn. "I got you. You just rest."

You don't need him to tell you twice.

Footnotes

27. Fun fact: I wrote this section by texting myself on discord each of the Reader's individual replies with my glasses off. If a particular exchange seemed too clean, I added one or two to balance it out, keeping in mind this girl is typing with the kind of headache that demands answers from the gods themselves. I like to think I did a decent job of it.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[aphrodieties]

https://www.tumblr.com/aphrodieties/733813072220864512/hi-sorry-to-bother-you-but-im-having-some

Hi sweetie! I’m the anon from the question I linked above. Thank you so much for your answer! Please don’t be sorry for replying late, it should be me who appreciate your time and patience!

I’m sorry I didn’t get back earlier, I was so overwhelmed with the school and application stuff, and I also wanted to really understand and experience what you’ve said in that post.

I kinda get it now. I only need to fulfill myself with the feeling of academic success, and that’s all. I tried to fully live in imagination but I kinda cannot get over the need to revise the transcript physically. I’m afraid this transcript will follow me forever physically. Ever since I got my transcript, I refused to believe it’s actually happening to me, because it’s really terrifying, I may end up getting kicked out of school or no graduate school would accept me…I even haven’t told my parents about the grade thing, so whenever they asked me for the transcript I couldn’t give them, but I can’t fool them forever, that’s why I was so desperately to change my transcript physically.

I’m sorry if this sounds like trauma dumping. I didn’t intend to be this negative at the beginning, I got more and more anxious when I’m writing this. Please ignore me if you find it too negative sweetie, you don’t have the responsibility to answer this!

You are human and you have emotions—it’s completely fine to feel afraid. I get where you're coming from, and you're not trauma-dumping either. There are a few things that you must know; you are completely right to refuse to believe what's happening to you. You’ve got the hardest part down! Do not accept that which you do not want, and you do not want a terrible transcript so you're not gonna accept this one as written in stone. The next steps would be as follows; 3D indifference, taking care of business, and maintaining the state of the wish fulfilled.

I have said this in a previous ask and I feel a bit lazy about recycling responses but I cannot stress this enough; The 3D is not sentient. It has no meaning other than the meaning that you attach to it. Think about the meaning that you're currently attaching to the 3D right now—the meaning that you're attaching to this transcript, “This transcript will follow me forever physically,” “They’ll kick me out of school,” “No graduate school is going to accept me because of my transcript,” these are the meanings that you're currently attaching to the 3D. @etherealkissed88 has an amazing guide about practicing indifference. I've linked it here and I recommend that you read it.

I have mentioned this before too but you don't need to neglect the 3D. Tending to the 3D is not a betrayal of the Law of Assumption, and as long as you aren't attaching any meaning to what you do then you'll be fine. For example; I’m manifesting that I’m a billionaire, and I currently work a minimum-wage job, and I’m working-class. I still work long shifts, and I still pay my bills though I'm manifesting that I'm a billionaire. Why? Because it means nothing. Keeping my bills paid and working isn't a contradiction as long as that's all it is to me. If I attached any further meaning to working long shifts and paying my bills such as, "See! You're not a billionaire,” “You’re still struggling to make ends meet so you're not a billionaire,” etc…, then that would be a betrayal of my imagination and the Law Of Assumption—it would be contradictory to my state too! So, handle your business and do whatever you need to do to take care of the situation with your parents and transcript but don't attach any meaning to it.

The last thing I'm gonna say is—persist, continue to persist in the state of the wish-fulfilled. Persistence pays off, and maintaining the wish-fulfilled pays off. The 3D will reflect as long as you continue to do these things. Please, continue to maintain the wish-fulfilled.

[cinefairy]

i personal feel that this the problem a lot us are probably facing and thinking. i feel this is a topic to be discussed rather than saying "you have it now, the 4D is the only thing that matters, 3D is a reflection... blah blah blah". we should also consider the people who's struggling and suffering from serious mental health issues even though they know the LAW OF ASSUMPTION.

let's say they want to manifest good grade and their test is tomorrow they have nothing prepared so they just 'try' to manifest, claim it and sustain in that assumption and the next day they go to school with full hope and they doesn't know a single thing in that paper and yep they get a bad grade and get discouraged. i know i know, you be like circumstances don't matter it's because that is what you assume. if they were so passionate and hopeful about that why did they get a bad grade? many of them haven't even manifested a thing so far they get easily discouraged and give up. then they be like "let me revise it" and nothing is happening again, this shit is going on loop.

WE NEED TO STOP THIS SHIT!

the blogs and stuffs say that the 4D is real and the 3D is not important it's just a reflection. let's say your bills are due in an hour or so days and you gonna pay the 4D money? hell nah. what's the point of having it in the 4D if you're homeless and your stomach is empty. you say manifestation is instant, if it is so why isn't my assumptions not hardened into facts? we assume a lot of things and not seeing them get real pisses us off.

now let's take an example, i want a complete 360 turn of my entire life like nothing is same as before. i want to be in a different country, have different name, have different job, have different appearance, have different personalities, have different friends, have different family ...... everything is just different. and then I assume like "okay, I'm going to count to ten and when it reaches one when i open my eyes my reality is completely changed" (assumed) and then i do that and nothing changed and i gave up.

this is what is happening for a lot of us and it's even harder when they're a beginner to concious manifesting or haven't consciously manifested anything before on will.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THIS THE CASE YOU'RE GOING THROUGH? WHAT WILL BE YOUR PIECE OF ADVICE.

if i make rules and if I assume that thing it's going to be like that why isn't it changing?

as someone who has personally struggled with mental health i can only give you advice & what i’ve personally done. it is truly up to you about what you’ll do.

when i first discovered into the law i wasn’t happy. i was having the worst times of my life, therefore (and i feel like a lot of us have been through this too) we attach ourselves to the law. we see it as the light to a brand new world and we depend on it to save us. we give all this power away to the law that we forget to shine light on our roles, and how we are the ones that actually have the power.

when struggling i wanted joy- and joy for me was something large, something bold, something outstandingly amazing when actually joy can mean having a cup of hot chocolate with a few extra marshmallows than usual. joy can mean opening the window and just letting the wind past you by. listening to old songs that played a part in my life and evoking all those feelings again.

so please take care of your mental health in the way that feels comfortable be to you. in the way that feels right to you, we cant continue to abandon ourselves when we’re struggling.

and im not saying that it’ll be easy. i struggled so much when i was releasing the pain of my past, releasing the pain of what i was currently going through. but i still did it. it didn’t hurt to try.

okay now lets move onto manifesting but before that can i just say something that irks me a little?

idk anything about you or personal circumstances but its such a common trend on here (and other loa spaces) to see people be like “okay but what if i was homeless???/what if i was in an extremely toxic environment” and it pisses me off to see people use serious issues prove a point. its so unnecessary. homelessness etc are your not your points to use against manifesting blogs

anyways

imagination creates reality, look all around you. this was all made imagination first before it became a physical being.

the law asks you to do something not a lot of people want to do and that is drop the old story. you cannot continue on if you want something new in the old self, in the old set of beliefs, in the old state.

how do you intend to manifest a whole brand new life when you still dwell in the assumption that it is not here?

how do you intend (for example) to manifest a successful business when you still dwell in the assumption that you’re businesses will always be unsuccessful?

you cant measure your success through the 3D. that is the biggest mistake people do. you’ll always be stuck in the loop of manifesting, looking at the 3D, then thinking you’re failing

and you can’t depend on blogs constantly and get mad

do you accept your desires? do you feel they are yours? do you know they are yours? do you realise that now that you have claimed it in 4D it is yours.

you’re so hungry for the physical manifestation of your desire that you dont fulfil yourself inwardly. why not make yourself feel great in the inside? and the cherry on top is the physical of your manifestation.

[another-lost-mc]

Im curious, how strongly do the OC's feel about their hair? Are there any with deep attachments to their current style? Would any be willing/enjoy cutting short/growing out their hair at times? (Dye would be interesting to see who would go to what colors)

So, it's my personal heacanon that almost all of the OM characters have changed their hair over time. It seems natural, doesn't it? They're all thousands of years old at least and I'm sure their personal preferences about their hair/appearance has changed too. In the very least, I imagine that Lucifer and his siblings had slightly different styles as angels than they do in the present-time Devildom.

(I also think that the Demon King had long hair and Diavolo keeps his hair cut short on purpose to avoid comparisons about how similar they are.)

Anyway, most of the OCs have had different styles over time since most of them have been around for so long. Some of them aren't as flexible about experimenting with their hair or appearance though.

In terms of colour, I don't think any of the OCs regularly dye their hair, but temporary dye and magic makes the idea more fun/tolerable for those that might be resistant to permanent changes.

Azra & Meta

These two probably go through the most drastic hair/appearance changes because I've had to flesh out their history in a lot more detail. Their "canon" hair styles and preferences are also different from the ones described in the Meta Falls AU.

Azazel/Azra after the fall: Shoulder-length wavy hair in the Celestial Realm, cuts it short not long after the fall. Canon present-time Azra: Prefers short hair styles (aka unruly waves that are messy in a sexy kind of way). He doesn't like to fuss with his hair as much as he does his clothes. Meta Falls AU: The big difference here is that he doesn't cut his hair short after the fall and keeps it around shoulder-length, worn down sometimes but usually tied back. In the present time, he goes back and forth between cutting it short or growing it out longer. Hair dye thoughts: Experimenting with that might be fun. He wouldn't want to dye all of his hair a new colour, but streaks or highlights are appealing.

Past!Meta (before and after Azra falls): Slightly longer than shoulder length hair, usually tied back so it doesn't get in his face when he's working. Canon present-time Meta: Not-quite shoulder length hair, usually worn down. He thinks about cutting it shorter sometimes. Meta Falls AU: After he and Azazel fall, he grows his hair long (waist length) before cutting it to shoulder length again. In the present time, he wears his hair cut short. Hair dye thoughts: His natural hair colour is so pretty but I could see him experimenting with a deeper red/pink colour. He would look so good with mermaid hair colours too, especially if he grew his hair long again.

Zee

His hair style doesn't change very much. It's not long enough to bother him, but he uses his hair to hide some of his facial scarring so he might not want to cut it shorter than its present length. He might consider growing it out a bit longer, but he wouldn't want to cut it shorter than it currently is.

Hair dye thoughts: He would entertain the idea of partially-dyeing his hair with temporary dye or magic (for parties/events) but nothing permanent.

Karasu

He wore it longer in the past, but presently he enjoys the almost-shoulder length hair style that's a bit easier to manage. He would be hesitant to cut it shorter than that, but he might consider growing it out longer. (Note: this only applies to his canon self, his various AUs have different hair styles.)

Hair dye thoughts: As long as it's not permanent, he'd probably be willing to try anything once if you can convince him it would look good. Pops of golden blonde or deep red would appeal to him most.

Tenebris

He hasn't had short hair since he was a child and he would be very very resistant to cutting his hair. However, he's much more relaxed about experimenting with dye and ways to style his hair. (He loves having his hair brushed/played with.)

Belial

There was a time (around the time he first met Solomon) when he grew his hair out to his mid-back. Before he fell and in present times, he likes the shoulder-length style that he can wear down without much fuss. He would consider cutting his hair or growing it out again, but he's not interested in dyeing his hair at all except for special parties/events.

Bathin

Demon children aren't immune to the wonders of cutting their own hair, and he's had more than one mishap when he was bored and left alone with a pair of scissors. His hair currently mimics the style Mephisto wears. His previous incarnation had long hair (slightly past shoulder length) but it's too soon to say if the present-day Bathin will have the same preference.

Gabriel

He's always preferred having long hair and he would be extremely resistant to cutting it. He's not interesting in changing his hair colour either, even temporarily. Similar to Ten, he also loves having his hair brushed/styled/played with.

Uriel

He prefers short hair styles because he spends so much time training and in the forges and it's easier to take care of. However, he would consider growing it out a bit longer now that his responsibilities have shifted and having longer hair is less of a nuisance. He's not interested in colouring his hair.

Seraphiel

His hair style has fluctuated slightly over the years but he prefers above-shoulder length hair most of the time. He's not interested in changing his hair colour (it is quite lovely) but he would consider growing it out a bit longer so he could wear it tied back.

Habuhiah

She prefers chin-length hair because she spends so much time outdoors and hates the feeling of hot, sweaty hair on the back of her neck or shoulders. She wouldn't want to grow it out much longer unless she spent more time in colder areas like the Devildom (not likely to happen).

Hair dye thoughts: She would be curious about adding some temporary colour to her hair for fun, if you can convince her it would look nice. (She's more likely to do this if you'll do the same so you can match.)

[aamaranthiine]

I am doing busy work at the office today so have some more assorted headcanons for Amalthea's One Piece verse. The other relevant post since this is sort of a series is here.

Her memory is excellent but still quite limited; she has a decent recollection of up to 150 years but it can be spotty. She can be terrible with remembering faces / names unless she has consistent contact with the person throughout their life. (Which is rare, given her reluctance to form attachments.)

She journals habitually. There are several log books on her at all times; she writes down daily events, memories, weather patterns, all sorts of information. This is how she retains some semblence of continuity throughout her long life. The most important and significant "memories" are chronicled so she can reflect on them as needed.

Thea has circumnavigated the entire world several times over, though she has definitely done it at a slow pace. Why rush when she lives forever? In all 4 Blues and the Grand Line, she has islands she claims as "hers." Usually uninhabited places, considered too dangerous or remote for settlement. It's these places where she keeps supply caches and hides accumulated treasure.

Every few decades, Thea will alter her appearance and even present as another gender to better hide herself. This includes changing her identity and relevant paperwork. In the most recent era, since a decade post Roger's death, she's reverted back to her preferred and real likeness.

I've mentioned it to several mutuals but now Im making this more official: Thea has been to Laugh Tale and she is the creator of the singular Eternal Pose to the island. She was acquainted with Roger and he commissioned her to make the Pose. She has not been to Laugh Tale since then.

For 5 years following Roger's execution, Thea demolished the execution stand in Loguetown on the anniversary as a form of protest. She was forced to stop her vandalism when an Admiral was posted there for a time to deter the destruction.

Her current existing bounty poster only lists her epithet as "The Silverblood" and has been in circulation for 125 years. Her posted bounty is 250 million beli.

There are at least two islands; one in West Blue and one in the New World that have mistaken Amalthea as a deity due to her powerful mythical zoan abilities. One likens her to more of a fey-like entity that blesses their waters and the other has effectively made her their patron goddess of the moon, amongst other lesser aspects. She does not speak about this freely, its awkward for her.