#im thinking about bamboo bones again

[parkakeet]

what god doesn't give to you, you've got to go and get for yourself btw

[crowning-art]

TGCF SPOILERS FINALE!

Me and 10 cuties who have been keeping up with my crazy TGCF journey after i finally finished it 2 years later lmaoo

*Note that clown in the center is me and everyone knows why after seeing my wonderful, beautiful, RIDICULOUS AND OUTLANDISH theories throughout the read lmaoo

Without further ado...the finale!!

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Goushi really swooped in during the LAST TWO SECONDS of this huge novel and really just stole everyone's heart, huh? I love this dude

In the last second, a hand caught Feng Xin’s boot, and Feng Xin caught Mu Qing’s boot. When he looked up, he cried, “WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! GUOSHI OLD SIR, PLEASE DON’T EVER LET GO, ALRIGHT!!!”

YOOO FENG XIN ACCEPTED HIS CHILD OH MY GODDD DJJDJDJDJF T-T THE CHARACTER GROWTH

THE WAY THE TABLES HAVE TURNED AHHHHH its now Xie Lian who has Jun Wu pinned and nailed down to the ground with a sword djdjdjjdjjd low key, Xie Lian really needed to do that....yknow....therapeutically lol

I love this so much cuz ya, at the end of the day, it's tiring, it's exhausting keeping up a facade and forcing yourself to be someone who u know really isn't you and I feel Jun Wu despite all he's done was very heavily a product of his situation.

“I just genuinely really miss Your Highness,” Guoshi said. “I miss the once-Kingdom of Wuyong,

I miss our people, and I miss the days before we ascended. That’s all.”

“…”

Guoshi then added, “It’s been so many years, Your Highness. Just watching you makes me tired. Very tired. How about you? Are you not exhausted?”

And yes, I get that there was still a bit of inherit evil within him which got amplified thanks to the wuyong problems but like at the end of the day, he's just a sad little meow meow

AND THEN

AND THEN

“…Have I been defeated?” Jun Wu sounded a little lost.

After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.

DJDIFNIFJFJFJFJ DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT AGAIN??? HJDHDHFHFHF U KNOW WHAT IM GONNA SAY AND UGH ITS ALWAYS BACK TO THE ✨️THEMES OF KINDNESS AND LOVE✨️ BRB gonna cry some more AGAIN

Ahh I remember pointing this out a while back but Hua Cheng was always the ONLY one who really helped ground Xie Lian when he was lost and confused. Like the split emotions he kept feeling of not knowing whether to laugh or cry, all gone even when he's told the craziest news yet, aka Wu Ming identity

All of a sudden, thousands of emotions, millions of words swarmed into his head. There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.

Lol u guys don't even get it, there were so many parts that were my fave here and I was trying my best to not post the whole chapter here cuz i loved EVERY part, the way Xie Lian leaped into Hua Chengs arm at the end, the cute Xianle trio bickering, just everything T-T

WTF U MEAN LIL BREAK I DO NOT NEED THIS RN PLZ DONT OH MY GODOHMYGODOHMYGOS HUA CHENG DONT U DARE DIE OH MYGOD

All of this:

Hua Cheng’s long and slender fingers gently combed through Xie Lian’s mussed hair. “Then, Your Highness, do you know why I refuse to leave this world?”

Xie Lian couldn’t understand why Hua Cheng could still be so calm at a time like this, as he was panicking so hard he was trembling. But, while feeling lost, he still simple-mindedly asked,

“Why?”

Hua Cheng replied quietly, “Because I have a beloved who is still in this world.”

Hua Cheng said quietly, “Your Highness, I understand your everything.

“Your courage, your despair; your kindness, your pain; your resentment, your hate; your intelligence, your foolishness.

“If I could, I would have you use me as your stepping stone, the bridge you take apart after crossing, the corpse bones you need to trample to climb up, the sinner who deserved the butchering of a million knives. But, I know you wouldn’t allow it.”

They really did invent love, I can't think of anything else to say to this 😭

HIS EXPRESSION MY HEART CRACKED INTO A MILLION PIECES AT THIS WHOLE SCENE BUT ESPECIALLY AT THIS LINE

Hua Cheng’s gaze was gentle and blazing, that remaining eye filled with love, and it gazed at him silently.

He's gonna be back for sure. The red string and the ashes are still there....but it's still soooo saaad

LMAOOO the heavenly officials became homeless fr I'm dying lmaoooo

ROUYE IS BACK YESSSS!!! AND UGHH XIANLE TRIO!! IM SO HAPPY THEY R TOGETHER AGAIN!! I MISSED THIER SHENANIGENS SO MUCH

Xie Lian rummaged around his sleeve and fumbled out a white silk band that was torn in half, and said joyously, “Yeah, finally, the material to fix Ruoye is found! I’ll go patch it up right now!”

However, Feng Xin stopped him. “Patch it up? You?! Forget it, what can you patch? Ask someone else to help you.” Then he turned his head and shouted, “MU QING! COME GET TO WORK!”

Pei Su and Banyue were really an underrated duo this whole book, especially with the way they guarded Ke Mo and the other ghosts lol

Pei Su and Banyue were sitting at the entrance, both of their expressions blank.

Feng Xin divorce arc lmaooo Finally it came to an end...and in a really nice and mature way. I really appreciated the way MXTX wrote Jian Lan's whole character, like she also grew as a person and is def underappreciated

However, Jian Lan withdrew her smile. “What you’ve said are all things of the past. What was love once doesn’t mean it’ll last. I’m not interested in being a charity case and a nuisance.”

And Xuan Ji! Everyone really grew up huh? (*sobbing incontrollably*)

Still don't like Pei Ming smh overgrown man child fr U go Yushi Huang for showing him whose boss!!

GUZIIII MY HEART NOOOOO I really respect LQQ for doing this

so I could only…gather a bit of the soul particles of the Green Ghost and keep them in a lamp. Now he shows up in front of me every day hugging that lamp, asking when the soul within the lamp will grow bigger! I really…”

And Guzi! Fret not! Qi Rong will be back cuz his ashes aren't destroyed!!

THE PEARLS ARE BASICALLY A GIFT FROM THE INLAWS THAT HUA CHENG HAS NOW DJJDJDJDJDJDJFJDJD

A moment later, Xie Lian nodded slowly. “It’s mine. It’s a pair of pearls my father and mother gave me when I was young.”

Lol Ling Wen's punishment thooo and the subtle hint that Ling Wen may have acc cared for the dude despite everything kinda warms my heart

Ling Wen gave a small laugh. “Your Highness, don’t say it like I would do anything for him. After all, I’m cold-blooded and recognize no loved ones, so why would I do anything like that?”

“Is that right?”

“Let it be.

I love love love the way the passage of time was described here God I don't know how to explain it but I love it

People came like the tide, then left like the tide. Mount Taicang regained its deserted lonesomeness.

Atop Mount Taicang, there used to be an enormous field of maple trees. They were all burnt down by that massive fire, but reborn after a thousand years. They were no longer the same ones Xie Lian leapt through to train once upon a time, but the landscape was the same.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAASASSMXKXKXJXNCJXNX AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

With three thousand Blessings Lanterns rising along with the night behind him, that man turned back and gazed at him. Robes redder than maple, skin as white as snow; between the brows of a face so handsome it couldn’t be stared at, there was still that wildness and a feral aura, a proudness that couldn’t be cut down.

There were no words. Both started walking towards the other.

A step, another step, each step faster than the next, then finally, they started running.

He ran forward whilst tears fell and stayed behind him. Xie Lian voiced this in his heart: he believed.

He believed that this man would die for him again and again, and would be reborn for him over and over. Even if he fell into the depths of hell, he would break through the abyss for his “belief”.

Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other.

This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.

DID I CRY HERE? U BET YOUR FUNKY LIL BEAN I DID And u don't get get AGUHH it took 1000 pages for them to get to where they were AND ONLY ONE PAGE TO MEET AGAIN THE ABSOLUTE POETIC METAPHOR HAS ME LOSING MY MIND u have to read through 244 chaps to see them trying to get to each other and when they finally do..it takes less than a page for them to reunite again I AM CRYING RN

The grand final banquet in Puqi shrine, with windmaster and the fellow beggars, he xuan secretly eating with them, fengqing arguing and bantering (flirting basically -_-), heaven's eye, hualian, the heavenly officials dropping by, just everyone finally living a happy life

What a story! Like what a story! Unbelievable!

This is how it started and this is how it ended

However, if people worship the divine statues of this one god and one ghost together, then there will be a miracle

Cuz their whole story is a miracle but that's the point! U can't give up! Xie Lian's story IS inspirational despite being fictional! Believing in your principles and doing the right thing, showing kindness no matter the circumstance, and growing from adversities, honestly I had so much to say but I read the post script and lmao MXTX said EVERYTHING I wanted to say!

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I'm always the kind to finish books within a day or two but I really didn't want this one to end (hence two years to read it) but God the whole experience was so incredible and tbh, I started documenting my thoughts for myself just so I can reread them later and laugh lmao but then a bunch of you guys kept up with it and it genuinely became such an exciting thing to look forward to after reading as well!!

Special shout out to @silvia-moon and @maause who were there from the beginning!! I loved every comment of yours and had a blast reading them every time 🥰

Ahhhh IM GETTING SO EMOTIONAL LIKE THIS LONG WINDING JOURNEY HAS FINALLY COME TO AN END 😭 (borderline tearing up while writing this post) but alas! Every banquet must come to an end (haha see what I did there? Hahaha....😭😭😭)

And of course there are the extras! But those shall be read some other day! In the meantime, I'm so so excited to get to drawing all my fave scenes!! I can't wait to get to that!

Until then,

Farewell 😊

[dandelionpaint]

Anon cause I'm not JatP on main but I was too stoked on someone else being on this train of thought to not say something lol. I've got thoughts - We Laugh At Danger/I Was A Teenage Anarchist hit Bobby right in the "I miss my friends" - Spanish Moss hits him right in the survivor's guilt, being the only one left to carry out their dreams and not knowing how to move on afterward, besides reinventing himself. Norse Truth is like a different kind of angry song, but consider - "All the places that we

[Img description: anonymous ask that says

“never went/ All the times we never had / Want 'em all back" - Bamboo Bones reminds him of Alex in particular - and absolutely the big potential in the songs on TDB - Dead Friend, Two Coffins, etc.

end img decription]

Anon you are so valid fhfdgd and honestly Im so glad I got someone on this train too. There sjust so much potential in this

Under read more because this turned out way longer than I expected lol

But yes!! I was Teenage Anarchist fits Bobby so well, even though we don’t know that much what he was like as a teen (we need more of his backstroy!!! Please!!) and as Im listening We Laugh At Danger (I haven’t listened this album that much OTZ) and yes!! Anon you are so right!!

Like, my dude my pal, the lyrics from Teenage Anarchist

Do you remember When you were young and you wanted to set the world on fire?

They make me think of Bobby being like, idk, all angry at the world for losing his friends and remembering the times with them. And especially because they all had highkey rough lives back at home. So it’s like, when they all came together and formed a band.

Yes yes yes

Spanish Moss

is so perfect for some Bobby guilt angst . Dunno what more to say about that expect you are so right yet again

I hadn’t even considered Norse Truth for him! Even though its probably my fave song from Shapeshift WIth Me. It fits so well, just right for all the anger. Like, he got over the survivor’s guilt and now he is just!! So angry!! Its perfect for that!!

All the places that we never went All the times we never had Want 'em back now, want 'em all back We all want to be more real than all the others Wanted all of us to be more real than all of the rest But it wasn't 

They were all so young, they had so much to live for and see in the world but fuck! They died! And now Bobby is left all alone in this world! Fuck dude, he just wants his friends back

Alex and Bamboo Bones... yeah... I think there’s quite many songs that could fit him nicely, but rn can’t think of anything in particular from top of my head Like, this part from the song make sme think of like, Alex who was just kicked out by his parents (don’t think this was canon thing but in all honesty, it most likely would have happened to him, considering literally Everything) and his friends are there for him and offering him place to stay

Don't let them break you. Don't let them tell you who you are. Doesn't matter where you come from, You'll always have a floor to sleep on.

FUCKMYLIFE666 is like, that song, yeah

Never wanna say that we grew apart And never wanna say that the feelings changed I don't have the heart to match the one pricked into your finger Of things made to be destroyed All moments meant to pass

Like, there’s just so much to this song dude, especially the very last lines.

This, too, will soon slip out of reach This, too, will soon come to an end

Its like the song where Bobby (Trebor, probably at that point where I imagien this song would fit in his life) is adult, somewhat has moved on what happened and it’s the final song about them, idk. When you listen the full song, it does give me vibes of him like, talkign about one of the bandmates specially. Someone, whom he probably had romantic relationship with.

Dead Friend in other hand sounds more like something soon after funerals and the first hints of (survivor’s) guilt appearing but mkostly it’s jsut him really fuckign missing all his friends he lost.

Needn't worry about tomorrow anymore, because you're dead. Does anything still echo? Is there any trace left?

Tbh this whole album does have like, more romantic feeling to me, but anyway...

When you died, you were only twenty-six, The most real person that I've ever met. 

Adding more to how fuckjing young they all were. 17! That’s so young to die!

Two Coffins is like, the depresison right after hearing your best friends and lover died and then attending their funeral where you have that emotional moment of takign one last look at them and sayign good bye.

How lucky I ever was to see the way that you smiled at me. Your little moon face shining bright at me. One day soon there'll be nothing left of you and me.

Two coffins for sleep. Two coffins for sleep.

All the things I have yet to lose will someday be gone too. Back into annihilation. All things will fade, maybe it's better off that way. I wish you'd stay with me.

Skipping Paralytic States because it doesn’t feel that big of a match for any of them. But instead I’m gonna talk about Black Me Out because hoo boy that got some potential.

Black Me Out really has the vibes of Bobby, who now has changed his name to Trevor, has yet to properly move on on anything.

I don't ever want to talk that way again, I don't want to know people like that anymore. As if there was an obligation, As if I owed you something.

He is angry, but he doesn’t know where or how to channel this. So he kinda is just angry at like, everyone and spends his time getting drunk and high or something.

Black me out. I want to piss on the walls of your house, I want to chop those brass rings off your fat fucking fingers. As if you were a kingmaker. Black me out.

He’s at the graveyard, looking at the graves of his best friends. He is yet again experiencing the survivor’s guilt.

All the young graves filled. Don't the best stars burn out so bright and so fast? All the young graves filled. Don't the best stars burn out so bright and so fast? Full-body high. I'm never coming down.

All Of This And More also got some potential too, but I haven’t thought about it as much as the other songs, as you can see from the above lol.

As nihilistic as you might expect I somehow ended up missing your kind of crazy more than the rest All this and more to forget All this and more to forget  [for many times]

Like, unnffhh. This goes in the “Bobby trying to move on” category, but the memories are too sweet to Just Forget.

I think this is all of it for now, perhaps. If you got more songs by them to add to like, literally any of the boys, you know my inbox is open

Now Im gonna go shed some tears because I made myself emotional when writing this all out

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[sunsp4wn]

im making stupid idiot divine sculptures again because everytime i stop taking my meds i convince myself there is a deity thats gifted me powers and so im making a memory shrine for this being but the way it looms scares me because i get crazy paranoid offmy medicine i keep envisioning myself impaled and hung on it & its freaking me out..... cartoon gore wooo irl gore i will pass out i want to keep watching hannibal bc i haven't even gotten to the homoromantic parts but the corpse angels & impaled bodies keep appearing every time i close my eyes but its also like. scratches a strange itch because i think about making fucked up art out of my own flesh bones & corpse butmy brain cant take it when i was younger i used to imagine that everytime i took a step a serrated spoon scooped a chunk out of my legflesh (i was impaled by bamboo & it was healing) and bleh so many other examples hyperactive imagination has mademe pass out more than once eugh my body feels disgusting and painful body tearing thoughts are rushing in brother who are you talking to what the fuck! i need to figure out who my deity is so i can tap into my warlock abilities with efficiency i will start taking my medicine tomorrow but only because the desire to die is soooo fucking overwhelming i cant envision any sort of future for myself and thinking about college and making money makesme wish i could vanish

[ainarosewood]

Character Interview Eyra Windsong

► Name ➔  “Eyra Windsong”

► Are you single ➔ “I am not”

► Are you happy ➔  “Yes....” she cocks her head confused, “Why shouldn't I be?”

► Are you angry? ➔   “Not at the moment.....no”  

► Are your parents still married ➔  “I....don't know to be honest ‘marriage’ as you call it is slightly different than mated pair....”

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “The Hatchery of the Windsong Clan in the Zephyr Steppes on the Windswept Plateau in Sorienth

► Hair Color ➔  “Black with white highlights as a Viera.As a Pearlcatcher..." she pauses a moment before asking curiously, "does my mane count ? Of so then dark with lighter mottling.

► Eye Color ➔ “Blue like the deepest depths as is normal for one with rare water eyes”

► Birthday ➔  “I hatched....lemme see it would have been just after the Greenskeeper Gathering on Sorienth ” at the interviewers confused look she added, “for Eorzean calendar call it the 10th Sun of the Third Umbral Moon...”

► Mood ➔   Eyra toyed with the object in the bag on her hip for a moment before stating, “Confused as to why you are asking so many questions...”

► Gender ➔  “Female.”

► Summer or winter ➔ “Neither, I prefer the Spring it was always so wonderful to see all the new growth that would burst forth on the Plateau.  I especially loved harvesting bamboo shoots they were quite tasty”

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Depends on what I need to do that day if I can relax then the afternoon.  If I need to do something then the morning so I can get it done.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “yes”

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “Not really...I believe that you can be fond of a person when you first meet them.  But love...that takes time to develop”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ Eyra closed her eyes for a moment before stating, “My choice to help Eorzea is what ended the relationship there was no true ill will between us.  He understood that I felt I had a duty to fulfill the selfsame one he has back on Sorienth.”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔  “Yes” she said softly, “Im pretty sure though he understood the why, my mate was very upset at my leaving.”

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “No.”

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “Yes I have quite often...along with more but I’m not going into detail.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Eyra gives an amused smile before answering “Yes, it was quite adorable.”

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ Again she closes her eyes, “Yes. I had to do my duty to my kindred and the people here in Eorzea.”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “Love.”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “Both, Lemonade for hot days to cool off and a nice warm cup of tea for chill evenings.”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ “They both have there benefits and detriments but I’d say I am more of a cat person.”

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “A few close friends”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “A Romantic night in is always lovely.”

► Day or night ➔ “Night I love staring at the stars.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “....Yes...sort of.  When I chose to leave Sorienth I did try to go as quietly as possible but my clan leader found me and wished me a safe journey.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “Yes, you have no idea how hard it is sometimes for me to just remain as a Viera.  I have wings as a Pearlcatcher I could easily prevent a fall but....it is often inconvenient to have a 24 fulm dragon suddenly appear on some steps particularly in a small building.”

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ The Viera just gives a deep sigh her had clutching the object in the bag, “Yes,” she simply responds.

► Wanted to disappear ➔ “Yes...particularly when I transformed into my birth form in front of all of Ishgard without thinking trying to save someone....”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “Eyes you’d be surprised how well they can inform on a being.”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “Taller, I enjoy the feeling of being enveloped by someone when they give you a hug.

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔  “Intelligence, Id rather be able to hold a conversation with someone and it be of something.  Than to stare at a empty headed pretty face.  Not to say that all of those who are attractive are vapid, its just so often many are because they learn that their looks can get them places.”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Relationship I’d prefer something lasting not fleeting.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔  “Yes I had been a very strong part of the Windsong Clan and although I was not of the Wind Flight they treated me as one of their own from the moment I hatched.  Also the Scions and I get along very well they are my family here  in Eorzea

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “I am a dragon who is shapeshifted into the form of a Viera, who left her homeworld to save both it and Hydalaen from an all consuming shade who has allied itself with a ‘god’ of chaos and darkness....you tell me,”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “I wouldn't say it was ran away from but unfortunately I can never return to it.”

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “No”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “Why....would that even be a thing?”

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “Yes again they are like family”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Lyse...she and I understand each other quite well even if we follow different paths”

 ►Who knows everything about you ➔ “This,” she states pulling out a large pearl the size of a childs ball, “All of my memories from my past till however many I choose to add to it are in it.  It is a part of me and knows me the best.”

Tagged by: @eorzean-capitalist​​

Tagging: @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast​@cahli-tia​, @diskwrite-ffxiv​, @e-x-i-t-3​, @fair-fae​, @garlean-nonsense​, @ahlis-xiv​, @sporebat​, @entropytea​, @thanidiel​, @herd-of-halla​, @isuke-ejinn​, @jancisstuff​, @luckiselki​, @nineprotons​, @qarukhel​, @varae-ver-you-are​, @voidsentprinces​, @poe-lhyzeal​, @cosmicdwarf​, @qesh-rae​, @roxinova​, @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast​, @tiergan-vashir​, @una-xiv​, @wandering-heart-ffxiv @autumnslance​ @mai-takeda​ @dragons-bones​​

And everyone!

[alissabila]

[1] 4 sept - self journal

The day started just about as normal as usual, woke up late, had a shower race, came up to class late without forgetting to show exhaustion while the day just even started. And yes that's my kind of normal. I don't know how to describe my day again but everything went very similar like any other day. Maybe the interesting part was the cultural landscape preservation subject, we discussed about the legal aspects of cultural heritage, the unesco and regulations stuffs, it was always interesting when it comes to united nations but legal aspect was never been in my concern.

Talking about my mood today, lately i've been feeling very empty and lost. I'm not trying to be hyperbolic but lately it feels like im drowning in the thick black sea where the oil has leaked, and the water is slimy and oily (maybe?) and you can't breathe as the black oil got into your mouth and started filling your throat then probably your lung and all happend while you drowning. You can't do nothing and you're being eaten up. It's not a new feeling. I've been here. So many times. Yet i still don't know how do i deal with it. I was just "and yep here we go again, this phase again". In the current moment, i have a lot to do, like real lots. Let's do a recall to every places I put myself into: AIESEC, TEDXIPB, Faculty competition, Himpro, uncountable amount of landscape tasks, and many other things that should be done but I didn't keep it in mind. This phase had taken me to the highest level of not being productive. I completely conscious about my responsibility, that i already in the best platform i could have, but IT'S JUST STOPPED ME LIKE THAT. I JUST COULDN'T DO IT AND IT DIDN'T NEED ANY PRECISE REASON. I hate that i had to say that i don't feel alive.

Long classes and time passed, i skipped short film competition session, like i said before, i just couldnt do it. And i really mean it. Out of nowhere, i didnt remember how it happened, but i ended sitting with Abi and started to talk about everything, in literal meaning. Everything. Then he just randomly shouted "NGOPI YUUK" without even really proposing. But i was like, yes lets go now please its been a long time since my last caffeine. And we agreed to try the new coffeeshop behind the campus, it seems interesting because the landform is hilly and the coffeeshop is in the down so you could only see the parking lot from the road. Who knew they had marijuana plantation down there? Lol ok kidding its haram.

We took our laptops, in case we had the drive to finish our site plan task and just go without hesitation. I always been wondering how the coffeeshop looks like because it's pretty much in remote area i might say? Well i didn't expect much actually, then again it's only Dramaga how good can it be? (I am truly sorry for the deprecation i swear the next paragraph would be filled with praise)

As I said before, it had this 'not very normal land contour', we needed to go down a very steep road to reach the parking lot. Next, there was a small wooden gate, very traditional and there our feet started to walk down the ramp, it was pretty steep for a ramp but they had this natural stones with much textures so it didnt feel slippery. Down and down and down, we walked to a small path with very natural and organic shaped stone, they didnt really make it as a strict lined path that has all the stones to step along the path, and they didnt really cut the vegetations around no matter how wild and messy it is. And i found this really good. Along the stone path, i could see the view of a green space with some industrial table and chair. On the right side, there set a small traditional wooden terrace, with it's coffee roasting machine, industrial chairs again (you know that type of metal chair), some really retro chair as well really retro colors, some coffee tables were a recycled sewing machine wow so you got to play with the pedal HAHA. fun fun thing. Before reaching the coffeshop area, you would find this mini pedestrian bridge crossing a small water stream. All i could say all of these are beyond expectation, i really love what i'm seeing. Other thing that amused me was, the river was just next to all of it and i really loved the sound of water it always gave me calm I couldn't have from anything. They had this backyard of traditional house feelings and yet they served natural landscape scene. I could smell the wet grass, I could smell the wooden house construction, I could smell the coffee being roasted, I could see how they managed to not destroy the existing landscape as much as they can, I could hear the water having it's rhythm, and I could hear all these people having an intimate discussion, and all i could think is all my senses had been blessed. They also had this vintage shelf with vintage things, that vintage metal coffee cups, bamboo walled toilets, aaaa im in love with everything here it's like the owner really put his soul into this. At some point i felt grateful for this place, and by that i felt alive again at least for this moment. This could be my very short escape from all the dullness in life (I'm really trying not to be hyperbolic but I am who I am). One thing i also realized was; to be grateful, it doesn't have to be ourself as the main character in it, it doesn't have to be our destiny, and it doesn't have to be our story. One serene coffeeshop could make it work,and other peculiar thing also could work, maybe we just need to be more detail to what's around us. This place reminded me a lot of Bandung. Which I also very grateful, now i can get Bandung vibes in hand. As the night came, the place got more quiet that it enhanced the sound of the river, added by the frog sounds and the buzz of night insects. This night was cold but somehow what surrounds me, the yellowish lighting, all the chit chat with Abi, gave me warmth. Cold night with a warm heart.

Shitty stuff still happened tho, it took forever for my laptop to install the autocad and i couldn't find the keygen for cracking the app because my brokeass couldn't afford the legal one. I decided to continue my read on Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore. It's my second book of Murakami. It's only been chapter two but i already highlighted a lot haha. To end this very first self journal, I would present my today's favorite quote from Kafka on the Shore. Ciao.

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine."

[green-eyeddragonfanfiction]

War of Attrition: Chapter 18

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x Reader Summary: Best friends with Steve Rogers, renowned Howling Commando, and married to one James Buchanan Barnes, your life wasn’t perfect, but it was as close as it could possibly be in the middle of World War II. Then you fell from a train in the Alps, and everything changed. You spent nearly 70 years as a tool of Hydra alongside your beloved, though your past with him was more often than not forgotten. You visit an old, dangerous person, knowing full well that you might not come out of the confrontation alive. Warnings: Swearing (always), mentions of: past torture, death, blood, weapons. Allusions to PTSD. Word Count: ~4,704 A/N: Not dead, I promise. Finally out of school, though.

Masterlist // Book One // Book Two

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Bucky’s smile was melancholy, too, the destruction of the city a fresh horror in his mind, along with the fear of losing you. Again.

“That’s… that’s good,” he said finally, looking up at you with what could only be adoration.

Your smile turned a little lighter- a little more genuine- and you nodded. “Yeah. I think so, too.”

Bucky was quiet next to you as you walked down the street. He hadn’t talked since you got on the boat to Japan, having long since realized there wasn’t a point in trying to talk you out of your latest endeavor.

Not that you blamed him. Your idea would almost definitely end with you and Bucky being killed or heavily wounded. Still, your conscience didn’t let you sit still after what you’d remembered a few days ago.

A small clearing. Cherry trees blossoming, petals bright even in the gloom of early night. Blood seeping into cherry wood floors. Two smiling faces looking up at you in black and white. Flashing claws of bone. Bucky’s pained groan and steely gaze.

Between the tiny glimpses and uneasy feeling in your gut you’d long suspected you’d done something as the Soldiers, but then you’d woken up in a cold sweat a few weeks ago and told Bucky everything you could before your mind lost the memories again.

The next two weeks had been spent yelling and fighting and eventually you put your foot down, saying you were going to apologize to Logan face to face, regardless of the possible outcomes (most of which, if you were being honest with yourself, entailed ending up in a pool of your own blood).

Bucky twitched as someone turned onto the small street you were walking down, jarring you back into the present. The area was so low-tech that you hadn’t bothered with the nano skin, relying on clothes and sunglasses to keep your enhancements hidden. You had a sinking feeling that trying to hide your true identities would only incense Logan further, and you needed every advantage you could get if you wanted more than a snowball’s chance in hell of getting out.

You reached out for Bucky’s hand nearly without thinking, the action subconscious at this point.

“Why’s he gotta live in the middle of nowhere?” Bucky muttered as soon as the civilian was out of earshot. He was still as annoyed about the whole affair as he had been the entire last two days.

You glanced at Bucky for only a second then quickly returned to scanning the area for threats. “Can you really imagine Logan living in the middle of a busy city?” you asked quietly. Bucky only huffed out an annoyed sigh but all that did was make your lips quirk up in a smirk. “‘Sides, this works out better for us anyway.”

“We stick out like sore thumbs,” Bucky countered, annoyance clear as day in his tone.

You shrugged, gently jostling your intertwined hands. “Maybe. I figure an area as pretty as this gets tourists, even if it is a bit rural.”

Bucky’s steel blue eyes finally turned on you, disbelief barely noticeable in the set of his jaw and the lines around his eyes. “They don’t even have electricity out here, Doll.”

You bit back a smirk. “That’s why it took us so long to find ‘im, though. Maybe he’s got the right idea.”

“You’d go insane within the week,” Bucky said flatly, obviously guessing where you were going with that line of thought.

You fought the urge to pout and gently nudged him with your shoulder instead. “Not if I set up next to a river and made a hydro-electric dam for myself. Or finally finished my portable nuclear reactor.”

Bucky’s gaze turned worried and perhaps a shade frantic. “Please don’t do either of those things. I’m beggin’ ya.”

The Brooklyn accent slipped in whenever you caught him off guard and you couldn’t help but smile whenever it returned with a vengeance like that. “Fine, fine. This is our turn, anyhow. Gotta be on alert now.”

Bucky’s face turned stony again and you missed the light in his eyes that had been there just a moment ago as he stared down the narrow dirt road. He was nervous, but you knew his fear wasn’t for his own well being. It was reserved for you.

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze which he returned. In perfect synchronization you both stepped forward and began walking down the road.

The farther you walked, the jumpier you and Bucky became. Even with your backscatter vision and Bucky’s enhanced hearing you were loath to underestimate the short, angry man.

The cabin came into vision without incident, though, and a quick backscatter peek inside told you he wasn’t home.

You stopped at the edge of the clearing, skin prickling uncomfortably as your scattered memories overlaid with the present. The house that Logan had built was eerily similar to the one he’d shared with his wife (Itsu. Japanese. Married Logan in 1946. Skilled swordswoman. Pregnant. Clean kill; slash to the throat and stomach. Weapon: Katana.).

You shook the clinical thoughts from your head and tugged Bucky to a stop. He looked down at you warily. “Not here,” you said, answering his unasked question. He nodded, but didn’t relax at all.

“How long do we wait?” he asked eyes darting around the clearing.

You frowned and tried to ground yourself more firmly in the present by leaning against Bucky, who stilled marginally at the contact. “As long as it takes,” you whispered as the image of a happy, young Japanese woman in 40′s clothing flashed in your mind.

The first sign was Bucky tensing next to you, going so still he could be mistaken for a statue. You flicked your eyes to backscatter without hesitation, eyelids closed as you searched every direction, not that you had to look very hard.

Logan was frozen maybe two hundred feet down the path, nostrils flaring and brows drawing low over his eyes.

What surprised you, though, was the metal attached brutally to his skeleton. You’d heard the rumors and scavenged what information you could on the Weapon X program (only to shut it down if you found any traces of it, not that you’d been successful in either capacity). Still, seeing it in person- well, mostly in person- was something else entirely.

You tensed and stood slowly. Bucky was already on his feet and staring down the road at exactly where Logan was, though you knew vision of him would still be blocked by the trees. Any second now Logan would charge through the trees and rip you and Bucky to shreds with those wicked metal-covered claws.

Logan drew a deep breath and you knew if he was any harrier than he already was you’d be able to see his hair stand on end. As it was, he was even tenser than Bucky.

The two of you had barely been able to run away last time and that was before he’d been infused with adamantium. You’d both had a few upgrades between now and 1946, but you doubted that’d mean much in the end.

When he stepped forward calmly, almost serenely, you couldn’t help the surprise that leapt to your face. The sudden change in expression made Bucky glance down at you and, while he looked confused by your reaction, he didn’t relax at all.

In fact, his confused frown only turned into a glower once Logan walked into view.

He paused as soon as he laid eyes on the two of you, dark brown eyes assessing and less hostile than you’d expected. He was maybe a hundred feet/thirty meters away, so close you could reach him in a second if you used your cybernetics.

He looked you and Bucky up and down and you fought the urge to flinch under his stare. The last time you’d seen him he was trying to kill you, and you couldn’t even blame him. You’d just murdered his wife and unborn child, after all.

The silence stretched on for what felt like a small eternity. You’d had so many things you’d wanted to say the moment you saw him, but everything seemed inadequate now that you were looking at him, the weight of your sins bearing down on you like a physical weight.

Then, “Guess I owe Romanoff ten bucks.”

Your eyes widened in shock and even Bucky shifted next to you. You opened your mouth to ask... something, anything... but Logan was already turning away from you and walking towards the house. The old fashioned doors didn’t even have a lock; he merely slid the bamboo doors open and stepped inside, pausing only long enough to take his shoes off.

You and Bucky stared after him in stunned surprise, not expecting that sort of reaction in a hundred years.

“You comin’ in or what?” came a gruff, half-yelled question from inside the house.

Bucky looked at you, uncertainty narrowing his eyes and making that ever-present tension return twofold.

“I doubt you two came from god-knows-where just to sit out there and gawk at my house like a coupla idiots.” He sounded even more annoyed this time.

Your legs moved of their own accord, not having listen to any conscious command from your mind. The house loomed over you as you walked closer but you didn’t dare stop now, afraid you’d turn and run if you stopped to think for a moment.

Bucky was silent but you knew he was following you; he’d already agreed to do this with you, after all, no matter what came.

The house was traditional in nearly every sense of the word. The flats you’d been wearing came off instantly (you felt more comfortable without shoes on, anyway) and Bucky’s muddy, scuffed boots followed a half second later. You used backscatter to find Logan and tilted your head in the right direction so Bucky would know where to go.

You’d half expected to find a TV or refrigerator or microwave, but every modern appliance was missing. The sitting room Logan was in had a tatami mat floor with a single low, long table and a few pillows for sitting. The floor and table were nice, obviously hand-crafted with care, but the pillows were old and raggedy.

Logan was already sitting at the far end of the table, looking almost lazy as he leaned against it, though his eyes were sharply assessing as you and Bucky appeared in the doorway.

“So? Who am I talking to? The Barneses or the Winter Soldiers?” he asked, tone carefully neutral, almost disinterested.

You winced and opened your mouth to speak, but no sound came out. All of those hours spent agonizing over what you’d say, how you’d apologize, and now that you were finally here-

Logan scoffed and reached into a small box on the table. Bucky shuffled, obviously expecting a weapon, but your hand on his arm stilled him instantly.

“Guess that answers that,” he said flatly. Logan pulled out a long cigar and cut it with the tip of a metal-covered claw, which peeked out of the skin between his knuckles and flashed ominously in the low light. The sharp edge disappeared back into his skin, though, and you and Bucky both relaxed ever so slightly. “Sit down, assholes,” he said gruffly as he placed the cigar between his lips and lit it with a match from a book he pulled from his pocket.

You and Bucky exchanged a glance. You could tell from a split-second assessment that he was still unsure about how this would end. But... if Logan was going to attack he would have by now... right?

A second later you stepped forward, tugging a reluctant Bucky with you. You sat at the opposite end of the table from Logan, who was watching the two of you closely.

You settled down on a lumpy pillow and Bucky sat down next to you, forgoing a pillow in lieu of being as close to you as possible. You could tell he didn’t like having his back to a door, but the walls were made of paper and thin wood- it wasn’t like you couldn’t make an escape in any direction if the need arose.

The silence stretched on again, with neither you nor Bucky able to come up with a coherent sentence. Logan puffed quietly at his cigar, seemingly content to let the two of you stew in silence.

“Y’know, if I got cell service out here I woulda called Rogers and Romanoff by now.”

You and Bucky froze again, eyes widening slightly. It was Bucky who managed to talk first. “You’ve been- They contacted you?” he asked, not quite able to keep the fear out of his voice.

Logan let out a long exhale and you fought the urge to wrinkle your nose at the smoke. “They thought you two might come knockin’. Guess they know you better‘n ya think.” That made both you and Bucky clam up, unsure of what to say next. This wasn’t going how either of you thought it would. When it was clear neither of you would speak any time soon, Logan let out an annoyed huff. “I don’t have enough saké for this...” he muttered, running a rough hand down his face. When he looked at you again, his eyes were a bit harder. “And I don’t got all day, either. Speak up or I’m kickin’ you out.”

You frowned and reached for Bucky’s hand, needing the comfort it provided to get you through what you were about to say. He met you halfway and gave you a gentle squeeze that bolstered you enough that you were able to find the courage to speak, though your gaze was fixed on the table.

“How much do you know?” you asked, almost fearing the answer.

Logan puffed on his cigar and took his time responding. “Natasha and Rogers handed me a file. Told me everything they knew, which I’m guessing isn’t even the half of it. Still, there were enough damn nightmares in that folder that, for the first time in seventy years, I didn’t wanna kill ya.” Your and Bucky’s gazes flicked to him then, surprise lining your features. Logan took one look at you and scoffed. “Don’t go gettin’ all doe eyed, ya damn idiots. You’re way too old and badass to be lookin’ like that.”

Your mouth twitched up in a sort of aborted smile, but your frown returned with a vengeance. “We’re sorry. I know words can never make up for what we did... what I did-” Bucky made a distressed, angry noise beside you, but your gaze was glued to Logan. “-But we are.” You scooted away from Bucky and got on your knees, then slowly lowered your forehead to the ground, hands set on either side of your head. A second later you felt Bucky shift next to you and you could glimpse him mirroring your position out of the corner of your eye. Lowering his guard like this in front of Logan must have been killing him, but he stayed doggedly in place.

For a second, there was only the sound of Logan smoking his cigar, but you didn’t have long to wait. “Dogeza? Really? Get up, you fucking idiots,” he sounded irritated and conflicted.

You raised your head at the same time Bucky did and immediately gravitated back towards his side. His arm was around your waist a second later and you practically melted into his side.

Logan was glaring at the two of you and you fought the urge to grab Bucky and run. He seemed to take a moment to gather his thoughts before he spoke again. “I know what happened wasn’t your damn fault. That much was clear.” Another pause, then, “A lot of shit happened after that night. The kid lived, then tried to kill me at least a half dozen times. I got experimented on. Fell in love a few times. Got married to a woman who wanted to kill me. Joined the X-Men and dealt with their bullshit for a few decades...” he trailed off, annoyance obviously growing by the second. He blinked once or twice and seemed to refocus on you and Bucky. “Point is, between what’s happened to me and what Rogers and Natasha told me... I ain’t gonna hold it against you.”

You knew you were staring at Logan, slack-jawed, but you couldn’t help it. Never in a million years did you expect this response and- “But how, Logan? I killed her and she-”

Logan’s face turned thunderous. “If you could go back right now- to that night- would you do it again? Slit her throat with her own katana and leave her to die in a pool of her own blood?”

You flinched as if struck by a physical blow, memories flashing behind your eyes. “No-” your voice failed for a second and you had to swallow thickly. “No, I wouldn’t- I don’t want to-” Your words failed you again and you barely registered Bucky pulling you to his chest.

Logan’s face returned to something a little more neutral. If you weren’t mistaken, his deep brown eyes were a little sad. “Yeah, well, there’s the answer, right? Wasn’t you; wasn’t your choice.”

Bucky was running his hands gently over your arms, an obvious attempt to ground and comfort you. Your eyes, however, were fixed on Logan’s deceptively relaxed form. “But I did it,” you breathed. Now that Logan had all but forgiven you, you found yourself at a loss. Why didn’t he hate you? He should. You should have just stopped talking and taken what he gave you, but you almost needed his hate. You deserved it.

“Yeah, you did.” His voice was carefully neutral, not accusatory, just stating a fact.

“Then why?” Your voice was strained, your mind unable to process what was happening.

Logan sighed, wafting a large plume of smoke into the room. “Nah, we’re not gonna talk each other in circles all night. I’ve said my piece and you’ve said yours.” You stared at him, wanting to say more, but he continued speaking before you could. “How’d you find me? More of your tech mumbo jumbo?” 

The sudden change of subject had you reeling and Bucky recovered before you.

“Wade,” he said hoarsely.

Logan looked truly annoyed now. “Wade? As in Wade Wilson?” he growled.

Bucky’s smile was more of a grimace. “The one and only.”

“And how the hell does that bastard know where I am?” He looked peeved at the very prospect.

You shrugged. “Dunno. I asked if he’d seen you around lately and he said he’d- and I quote- ‘ask Tin Man to call in a favor with Wheels’.“

Logan groaned, took the cigar from his mouth with one hand, and ran his other hand down his face in exasperation. “I hate that kid. Doesn’t know when to shut up... S’pose he could be worse, though...” The look on Logan’s face was a little haunted and you wondered, momentarily, what Wade had done to him. When you’d talked to him a few weeks ago Wade had been polite to a fault, if not a bit weird. You’d had trouble keeping up with whatever he was talking about, but the moment you’d asked for help locating Logan he’d said “Whatever it takes to help move the plot along! You haven’t had a new chapter in weeks!” You’d stared at him as though he’d grown a second head, but he got on his cell phone and within ten minutes you had Logan’s location. One long drive and a nauseating boat ride later and you were in Japan.

Logan groaned and nearly bit his cigar in half. “Shit, I need to move. I just finished the damn tatami, too.” He ran a hand over the mats covering the floor, scowling at them as though it was somehow the floor’s fault.

You grimaced. “Sorry. I didn’t know how else to find you.“

Logan waved a hand, dismissing your apology. “It’s done now. Didn’t plan on stayin’ here forever anyway.” He reached the end of his cigar and snubbed the end against his palm, wincing only slightly before placing the small, gently-smoking end on the table.

You shifted nervously, unsure of what to do now that you’d more or less gotten your thoughts and feelings across to Logan. Bucky ended up deciding for you and stood, extending a hand to help you up once he was on his feet. You stared at the paper wall, trying your best to avoid Logan’s assessing gaze and Bucky’s concerned looks. “We’ll... be on our way, then. We don’t want to impose any more than we already have. Goodbye, Logan.” You turned to leave with Bucky following closely behind, but Logan’s gruff voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Wait.”

This was it. This was when he unsheathed those deadly sharp claws and tried to kill both of you. You tensed and turned around slowly, not wanting to startle Logan into attacking any sooner than necessary.

“I’m sorry.” Logan’s face was twisted into a grimace, as though the words hurt him to say.

Those two words shocked you so thoroughly that your arms dropped limply to your side and you felt your shoulders slump. You knew your mouth was open and your eyes were wide but you couldn’t do anything about that just then.

Logan’s dark eyes met yours and you could tell it was him that was having trouble keeping eye contact now. “I shoulda looked for you. Both of you.” He glanced up at Bucky, who shifted restlessly next to you, likely caught even more off guard by Logan’s declaration than you, as they’d never really gotten along. “By the time Dugan told me what happened, Rogers had already put the plane in the ice. I knew it was suspicious that we hadn’t found either of you, even if it was in the middle of nowhere. I was one’a the only people who probably coulda found ya, and I didn’t. Didn’t even try. I shoulda-” he growled, and reached into the cigar box, prepping his next cigar in a flash. Barely a few seconds later he had the fat cigar in his mouth, scowl lining his brow.

“Thanks for saying that, Logan, but it ain’t nobody’s fault but Hydra’s.” Bucky’s voice was the softest you’d ever heard it when speaking to Logan and the shorter man glared at him, probably feeling as awkward as Bucky had felt at Logan’s words.

“And Logan?” you said with a small frown.

“Mm?” Logan grunted, brown eyes flicking back to your face, brow quirked ever-so-slightly in question.

“If you ever want to talk- or need some backup- you got two people who understand and will be more than willing to help.” You tried to give him what you hoped was a kind smile, though happy expressions were hard to make unless it was Bucky eliciting them.

“Not that we’re exactly the picture of mental health,” Bucky added dryly.

That, at least, drew an amused snort from Logan. “You and me both, pal,” he said gruffly. “So, what? You gonna give me some piece of crap cellphone with your number in it, too?” When you raised an eyebrow Logan rummaged around in one of his jacket’s pockets, eventually managing to extricate an ancient flip phone. He held it in the air and waved it once before shoving it back in his pocket. “Rogers gave it to me in case I managed to get a lead on you two.”

That made you frown and you fought the urge to fry it to pieces; that would almost definitely lead to a fight between you and Logan. However, you had a hunch that you were eager to prove. “But you’re not gonna tell them anything.”

Logan sighed out a puff of smoke. “Nope.”

Bucky tilted his head to the side and regarded Logan with a quizzical expression. “Why not?”

It was only after he took another puff of his cigar and blew it into the air that he responded. “Because you don’t wanna be found.”

You and Bucky stared at him for a moment then exchanged disbelieving glances before returning your gazes to him. “Just like that?” you asked with a small frown. It was too good to be true. All of this was. Neither of you were that lucky. Hell, Logan wasn’t that lucky.

Logan’s gaze turned hard. “Guess there is one more part. If you two go off the rails again it’ll be my duty to stop you.”

You felt your blood run cold at the thought. As far as you knew, the number of people who could stop you and Bucky could be counted on your hands at this point. One of them was definitely Logan.

It made sense, though. He was honorable. By letting you go now he was at least partially responsible for anything you did from this point onward. If Hydra got a hold of you again or if both of you regressed... he’d hunt you down.

“That’s fair,” you said after a pregnant pause, mouth in a hard, grim line. Bucky shifted restlessly next to you, upset at the prospect but knowing that, ultimately, it was probably for the best. “I don’t think either of us would want-” you bit your lip, eyes once again falling to the mats.

“If we become the Soldiers again, that’s for the best,” Bucky said quietly. You glanced at him, but he was staring Logan dead in the eyes, jaw set grimly.

Logan nodded once to him before his eyes flicked to you, features softening a bit. “Go on, then. I’d offer you a room fro the night, but I know you’re itching to get outta here.” The words could have been harsh, but they were said with just a bit too much fondness for them to come off that way.

“Thank you, Logan,” you said earnestly. Bucky nodded his agreement, blue-grey eyes tumultuous.

He barked out a laugh. “That’s not my real name, y’know.”

You frowned, not in on the joke that had made him laugh. “I wasn’t aware ‘Logan’ was a false name.”

Logan’s grin turned a little smug. “Name’s James.”

That drew a startled laugh out of you and even a glance at Bucky revealed his lip shad turned up in a begrudging smile. “‘Course it is...” he muttered, not quite managing to sound annoyed.

Your laughs quieted after a moment, leaving an uncomfortable silence in their wake. Unspoken comments about how rare laughs came these days and how young you sounded when you did hung stale in the air between you, but you put on a small smile. “See you ‘round, Jimmy,” you said, tossing him a wink you hoped was playful and not flirty before turning and heading for the door.

Bucky snorted and you could hear Logan groan. The guys didn’t speak for a second (you were sure you’d be able to hear them through the paper-thin walls if they had), but after a pause, Logan grumbled a “See you, bub,” which was the closest you’d ever heard Logan get to sounding fond when it came to Bucky.

Another pause, then, “Be safe, old man.”

An annoyed grumble. “I only got thirty five years on ya, ya fucking shithead.”

You couldn’t help the smile that came to your face. That was so close to how you remembered their interactions being back in the day that it nearly shocked you back seventy years. The sarcastic response you were half expecting didn’t come, however, and Bucky was beside you a moment later, taking his time to lace up his boots carefully while you waited just outside the door, watching the area for any threats.

“Ready to go?” he asked a moment later as he stepped up beside you. His blue-grey eyes searched your face for any flicker of emotion that would set off warning bells, but for the first time in a long time, your head wasn’t a complete mess. Or, at least, you had one burden among hundreds taken from your shoulders.

“Yeah, Buck. Let’s go home.”

Next Chapter

If you’d like to be tagged in this series, like this post! Sorry, but responses to this post asking to be tagged will be ignored, so send me an ask or like one of the taglist posts!

☕ Buy Me a Coffee! ☕

[lokbobpop]

Bed bedroom

Used by Shakespeare in a sense "sleeping space, room in a bed" (1580s). Replaced earlier bedchamber (late 14c.). Old English had bedbur, bedcofa. First record of slang bedroom eyes is from 1901.

A bedroom is a private room where people usually sleep for the night or relax during the day. ... To be considered a bedroom the room needs to have a bed. Bedrooms can range from really simple to fairly complex. Other standard furnishings usually found in a typical bedroom include a closet, nightstand, desk, and dresser.

Bed b ed be d

Bedroom bed room be droom b ed room be droom

Writing the words bed and bedroom

Thoughts of being tired wanting to go to bed and loving sleeping and dreaming

To have a beautiful bedroom that feels relaxed

Reading the words bed and bedroom

I love glamours beds chris made me a 4 poster bed from bamboo my last bed was a massive American bed so heavy which trin had and now ive got whats like a little princess bed i love it but dont think chris so small but as i am now sleeping on the floor with a mattress anything is better getting out of bed at the moment its hard on my ego knees and aching back.

Sex comes up the desire for sex having PGAD coping with that and all the orgasms and the 24 hour desire frustration lust throbbing and arousel until you feel completely dis spared and cant cope with life and some people even commit subside over it it that bad you cant get away from it.

Years of embarrassment within the bedroom not wanting to be touched because i felt embarrassed about about letting go and enjoying it the thoughts of being judge by my partner and feeling stupid.

Love seeing the bedrooms when we are on holiday and the massive beds they have in Malaysia that the whole family can sleep in they were amazing

I love matching bedding but my bed never looks like the amazing picture you see in magazines there just look flat unexciting and the duvet looks small.

Saying out loud bed bedroom

Sleep and loving sleep and when I would sleep until 1pm and never wanted to get out of bed especially on cold school days

Telling the girls to go to and them kicking up a fuss then not sleeping and me getting angry that they wont sleep shouting down the stairs taking the light build out and still hear them talking.

Being told myself to go to bed and not wanting to go hating going wanting to stay up but couldn’t get up in the morning.

Making the bed keeping it looking tidy changing the sheets loving a clean bed and clean sheets

The girls never change there sheets they are so dirty im mean months when we moved to oz i did do there bedding so they didn’t do it.

Sex again feelings of being timid scared self conscious embarrassed wanting to be good in bed but being unsure of what i was doing most of my life. Fearing judgement of my body by my partner

Sf

Does these word definition support me no very much a polarity of beautiful bedrooms and scared of being in bed with someone

Bed be

Bedroom bed room

Bed

To sleep on

Bedroom

The room to sleep in

How will you live this word? I will live this word with self confidence self love self belief being self assured i need to work on self love of my appearances the most i feel love my body as bone with me would be best loving myself wholeheartedly

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 4: “Trying To Cover Ur Murderous Tracks” - Jones

JENNET 

nash isnt on my tribe but i cant help but feel bad for them :((( the last two days that we were together as old calumma i actually started to connect with them. they will be missed 💔

(a little later)

why am i obsessed with ethan ? *insert meme of that tiktoker just standing there*

(after building a bamboo bed)

super nervous for immunity, if we end up losing i think i might try to push for pennino bc he pissed me off the other night saying he wouldnt be available for the comp and literally SITTING THERE watching us do the comp... i really like sam and ethan (tbh more than i like lindsay and jabari) but thats only bc of how much we communicate with each other idk i do know lindsay wants to push for pennino too bc she was annoyed it too so maybe let her do all the pushing and if it backfires, just push for her to go😳

JESSICA

No song 4 today Last round we voted out Nash. That was not my ideal choice (I wanted Nicole to go) but Pete was paranoid Nicole may have an idol, that Nicole/Mikey/Nash were secretly working together, or just that something might go down. He also trusts Nicole for reasons unknown. I didn't love leaving Mikey in the dark (I think that really only helped Pete, not me) but I was nervous that if I pushed Nicole too hard as the vote, Pete would vote Mikey and then that was really the worst case scenario. If we lose this round, I am voting Nicole no question. She asked me what happened after the vote + if we could talk which I thought was great! I sent her an explanation that basically said I didn't trust Nash because they did not talk to me, I was worried OG Calumma was still a thing, and I didn't trust Nicole because she didn't start talking to me until after we lost + she left me on read a lot. And what does she do right after I sent that? Leave me on read again! I was excited to work with her when we first swapped but I don't see that happening at all now. The nice thing is because Pete lied to her, Mikey and Nicole voted each other, AND Lovelis was already initially down to vote Nicole, I'm hoping if we lose the vote is really easy. I also don't think Nicole has the idol because.... ...I found it! Okay, no I didn't. I did find a ruby though. I think that in each quadrant of the adventure, there is a gem and the four gemstones combined will make an idol. I already have 1, I have a good idea of where it could be in the north, and most importantly I am pretty sure Nicole has no advantages. I think if she had an idol, she might have played it last round, but my guess is that there is only one idol in the game and no one has it yet. However right now I'm not sharing this information with anyone. I hope that if we lose, Pete votes for Mikey out of paranoia (and that Nicole does as well) which means moving forward, Mikey really only has me and that's an alliance I can keep long term. I do also think that we are potentially swapping after this OR we will do a double tribal after this and swap then. I do not want us to lose twice because that's when things get tricky but if we do, I think I will be set up well enough that no one is coming for me.

PETE 

so my og Brookesia alliance of jessica and lovelis (plus me) they want to vote out Nicole but i reeeeaaally don’t wanna do that. Nicole and I had this talk of moving on from our past so if I just vote her out first chance I get that’d just be a huge dick move. They for some reason believe Mikey which I honestly don’t, I think he may be a little weasel. Nash doesn’t talk to me at all, so i’m hoping maybe I can shift the vote onto Nash by scaring them with the thought of Nicole having and idol

(after dropping his rice into the sand)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH IDIDIT I DID IT IDIDIT literally i have THE biggest fucking knot in my stomach i was SO fUcking NERVOUS this is so fuckignw crazy i cant skdjdbxsjkdb i’ve NEVER been in control of a vote before like everything i told someone to do they did like i’m not gonna get all like egotistical and all that but like sjkdsxkdbsjjdjxjdkdb ive never been in this position before it’s wild i’m usually like the mikey. like i’m just there, hoping people include me but kinda just scraping by until they decide it’s my turn to leave and NOW!!!! I JUST BLINDSIDED SOMEBODYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

JENNET

trying really hard to do this comp and my arthritis is making my hands spasm :(( powering thru and hopefully we dont go to tribal. if we do im afraid that im going to be voted out :((

JABARI

So i scored for the tribe which is great but then we tie and there is tower of hanoi. Lets just say ill never play that game again but I swear im not giving up no sir....they said they wouldnt boot me because of it but ima make sure of it.

JENNET 

in love with ethan hes the best person in the world

(after staring at Ethan)

really sucks going to tribal council and i know i let my team down so now im trying to find a way- SOME WAY to remind them that old calumma wanted to go after pennino next and to hopefully keep ethan out of the fire. sam approached me about an alliance with him and ethan and tbf idc what anybody calls me or what they think but im honestly closer to the too of them than to anybody on the tribe- closer to ethan than i was to jake even😳

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12YzvXBooOu3lndrE99YopPOcO4VEAYYB/view?usp=drivesdk lmk if this works also fun fact i just tried to open the camera on the computer im borrowing and the computer bluescreened lol i hate it here

SAM

https://youtu.be/M4E00bmBj0A

PETE

The way this game is going Id say that I’m probably closest with Jessica just because we’ve been talking since the start, she’s really nice & enthusiastic, and we’ve agreed so far on the things that need to happen so we share a lot of information with each other. Lovelis is a little bit of a wild card because he never really talks that much so I’m going to try to bond with him more so that he doesn’t feel like just another number.

LOVELIS

Who knew we’d pull out a win with flash games! Maybe we need to stop shitting on then and start praying for more of them to pop up here LMAO. So glad I can just have this day to speak to people a bit more and just relax a little - I feel like me Jess and Pete are in a comfortable position within this tribe so I’m praying for no more funny business with another premerge swap but I’m tryna stay on my toes!

ETHAN

Ok so tribal time: I am in a minority position right now and it is looking sketchy. I feel like I am going because of how Jabari and Jennet have not talked to me at all today and instead have ghosted me. I have something, but not sure if I want to play it. Do I trust people, or do I just full send and blow it up? Time shall tell

JESSICA 

Yay we won immunity! I love getting my Dolphin Olympics redemption arc, it's been 6 years in the making.

PENNINO

Now, it's 4 hours before the first tribal as Furcifer, and I think that us from OG Calumma will go and do a Pagong to Ethan and Sam. Since Ethan was a beast in  the comps, and we want to keep tribal lines, that puts Sam up for the chopping block. As for Nash leaving, no surprise. Honestly, I feel pretty safe and now i'm just waiting for another swap.

MADISON

I don't know how I've survived four rounds but here we are. I think I've legit gotten the lowest score in the past 2 challenges but everyone else is a beast so I get to stay safe for another round. The downside to being safe so long is that there isn't really a lot of gameplay happening over on Planet Brookesia and some of us might be a little bit too comfy so that when swap time comes or we lose the next challenge, it'll be scramble city to figure something out.

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Hz-Ix0ZeQ7E y'all when I tell you i'm manic just thinking about crazy fringe theories related to this game lmaoooooo

JONES

ok bet lets get strategic:tm: i feel like a lot of my confessionals are rlly like ,, , , ,me just talking ab "wow i rlly like this person, not this person so and so and whatnot" and i haven't rlly gotten to bare bones like ,, what i'm thinking ab game wise ? for starters - i think i'm in a rlly good spot surprisingly? LIKE don't get me wrong its fking dangerous being in a 4-2 but i think i'm set up super super well? i'm officially working with all of Daisy, Sammy, Shane, and Jake, and am in an alliance w everyone of those people besides Sammy. but sammy has vouched saying that he does want to work w me and has my back and i don't have like,, any reason to doubt that rn ? unfortunately the only way to rlly like ,, ,, have everyone prove their trust to me is by going to tribal aldksfjasdlfj but i dont rlly see a reason for them to like ,, , lie to me ? esp when we haven't gone to tribal? i don't see the point in marinating someone this isn't among us and ur trying to cover ur murderous tracks,,, but ya ? i'm in a good spot. i think based on my alliances and allies and whatnot, and i've stated this already so this isn't rlly a surprise, but madison would probs be the target if we'd have to go to tribal. and Jake has stated to me too that he hasn't rlly talked to madison that much either so it doesn't seem like an uncommon thought process. after the challenge tiebreaker yesterday , the newly formed ALLEANCHE! kind of came together as the 4 most active people on the tribe so it SEEMS like it would be madison AND sammy getting targetted and , ,, , sammy going for me isn't rlly cash money bc if sammy DOES have my back then that's me losing one of MY allies,, but i don't think we're going to enough tribals before another swap for that to actually be a thing ? so hopefully if we do go to tribal it'd be madison and not sammy, but i think i, if not i then maybe jake LOL, can make a good case for madison to go over sammy. speaking of jake i have a rlly bad gut feeling that i'm gonna have to think ab cutting him soon - or at least before merge. i've kinda been letting him take the reigns since preswap to make him kind of look like a leader ish ? so i'm rlly hoping that like ,, , hypothetically speaking. lets say i'm AGAIN put on another tribe w jake (bc lbr we're swapping again),, and lets say hypothetically they wanna split up the supposed "duo" of myself and jake,,, whos the smarter person to take out - the leader whos kinda been calling the shots and making the alliances since round 1, or the person whos proven themself to be reliable and to keep their team safe and be able to go to bat for their team ? idk IDK that's just me but i definitely think like ,, in terms of a building threat level i think jake is definitely the easier target asldkfjasd which is UNFORTUNATE like i LOVE JAKE but i feel like if it comes to me and jake and jake is putting me in DANGER then , ,, well,, :( i gotta do what i gotta DO i'm pawned as old reliable for a reason :katenails: but ya uhm,,, shane/daisy/jake/i were talking on call after the tiebreaker ab what could happen and we all basically agreed theres no way in hell that there ISN'T another swap on the horizon or at least like,, a twist or something. u can't just swap at 18 on a 20 person cast and just expect us to sit like lil ducks on sunday brunch, if anything we're probs gonna swap at like ,, , , , 15? OR hosts are cracked and swap us NEXT ROUND bc they're sadistic. but ya there's def another swap it rlly just depends on when and whos there to experience it - i.e whether or not i'm gonna have security from my allies or not ya feel? i feel. also there's definitely probs like ,, , ,a double tribal. or smth. or like, smth crazy and dumb and stupid that i don't have the brain capacity to rlly comprehend. but ya hope i win this was a good strategy talk #fruciferandcallumathrowchallenge

NICOLE

Hello!!! Nash went home and I'm sad so I am PROTESTING confessionals! You won't know anything that is happening with me! Nothing! (Just kidding nothing happened this round, everyone ignored me and then we won immunity so they had no need to)

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1TxoVh69i2GPA-agNAfyW0G-Bu07weXyZ?usp=sharing

SAMMY

so I had to write a paper and I'm rushing to get this in...blinks...whats new anyways I have been so off in like the idol hunting and I have felt so detached from this game since I have only been to tribal once? but I think the people in danger would be like Madison or Jake? they have both been brought up to me by daisy...and in all seriousness I would be fine with that? I honestly really am only prioritizing Jones and Daisy in this tribe. I feel fine with my position in this game and I even got a point from the flash games. Luckily Daisy won for us in the tiebreaker and we were able to barely escape tribal. I really do hope I can continue to avoid tribal so that I can get as far into this to make it to the more individual stage of this game.

DAISY

https://youtu.be/3kCYnxDIdQY

TRIBAL COUNCIL

[tommyshep]

about me tag game

thank you @lesbiansebastianstan for the tag!!

how tall are you? 5′4 and im coming to terms w the fact that ill be a short ass twink my whole life its ok

what color are your eyes? blue but usually they just look grey haha

do you wear contacts and/or glasses? yup i wear contacts and i literally havent owned a pair of glasses in three years but im getting some real soon cos to wear contacts every waking hour is annoying

do you wear braces? i had them from like 6th-8th grade i think

what is your fashion style? black skinny jeans, baseball tees, baseball caps, and lots of jackets/flanels/sweaters, most all of its green and black

when were you born? april 16th 2001 (not to say april is the best but all the greatest celebs were born in april soooo (rdj, patrick stump, must i continue?))

do you have any siblings? yup just an older sister!

what school/college do you go to? i go to a community college in connecticut

what kind of student are you? im the kid who bullshits english essays and somehow gets a 105% and the teacher rants and raves and uses it as an example for the next five years.

what are your favorite subjects? im super into soc right now, but i actually really liked stats and algebra last year for some reason??? but i HATE science

what are your favorite movies? oh shit lets see uhhhh iron man iii, rent, amazing spider-man 2, scream, and the greatest showman (does life on the murder scene count??)

what are your favorite pastimes? i like reading comics and cuddling my dog, also starting to write novels is really fun (i never finish them)

do you have any regrets? hm ya i wish i had opened up more when i was struggling in middle school cos now i feel like its too late :)))

what’s your dream job? i wanna be a counselor and work with trans kids

would you like to get married? brooooooooo i cant wait to have a husband like thats the dream

do you want kids? ya definitely! i’ll probably adopt, and i think fostering sounds cool too, i would love to be at least a part-time stay-at-home dad

how many countries have you visited? uh just canada and i would probably be happy just visiting canada again i love canada

do you have a significant other? nahh but i wish, if anyone wants the job hmu

Put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping put the first 15 songs.

time machine - the click five whoa oh! (me vs everyone) - forever the sickest kids being from jersey means never having to say you’re sorry - cobra starship 5tr82he11 - mindless self indulgence apologetically - boigirl love in the middle of a firefight - dillon francis and brendon urie never lose your flames - issues i’m a disaster - ghost town veins! veins!! veins!!! - frank iero and the patience new rose - the damned bamboo bones - against me! terrible things - the ready set i love you 5 - never shout never generation throwaway - the used take cover - all time low

alright im gonna tag @heyshurii, @botanicalbucky, @starsandsupernovae, @clintbartos, @steveplustony, and @anagonyed because you guys are in my notifs a lot and ily! only if you want to ofc!

[vsullivan]

hey ya’ll im psycho so yesterday at work i wrote this eulogy about my minecraft dog i lost in minecraft

sry that it isnt lucky 7 lol but i think it helps that im getting inspiration to write again

Neuget: A Eulogy

My dumbass ventured very far out into the marshes of minecraft. I was on boat, fighting off multiple drowned as I trekked on to a place for which I ain’t even had no idea. I was just being adventurous, not truly searching for a particular thing - only something new. And I found it. I had gotten nauseous from the boat controls, as I was not smart enough to initially think of going into 3rd person mode to diminish the dizziness that claimed me in 1st person. So, I eventually set foot on land. There were many trees that I had to brace through. Skeletons stood in my way, but I took them hoes down with my trident. It wasn’t long then before I came upon a forest of bamboo, it was cramped as greenery invaded the senses at all angles. I saw a cat in the brush, but the little bitch dashed away as soon as I drew near. Sick of the bamboo jungle, I slashed my way through the vines with my trust iron sword. Collecting an abundant amount of bamboo in my wake. When I was finally free of that cursed environment, I was greeted with yet another forest area - one with a small hill. There was a small ravine that separated myself and this mini plateau, I crossed it with my boat with no qualms. I then climbed up the bank to take solace in the trees. However, once I reached the top of the hill, my life changed forever.

Through the branches, I saw a block of gray. My heart leaped, could it be? Yes, yes it was. It was a wolf. A gracious and beautiful wolf to whom I knew I must befriend. Unfortunately, I had no bone to train him. No way to prove I am worth of his trust. I made a decision - he is my purpose for being here. I must take him home. I knew it would be an uphill battle. A metaphorical hill far more close to the skies than the one I met this creature on. But I was determined. And so, I dove into the nearby waters, killing any and all fish I’d seen. Few were dropping the sacred item that represented the key to my canine’s heart. I searched high and low for skeletons brave enough to face me - but none spawned. Strange, I thought, the forest has the highest spawn rate for their kind. Yet, that did not matter, for I resulted to killing as many fish as it took to seek eternal happiness.

It grew dark before I finally found enough bones, the stars in the sky twinkling from above as they and mother moon watched my struggle far below them. I was afraid then, but not for myself. My wolf was still stationed in the trees, but how long would be before he could possibly be slain by vicious monsters? My resolve stood-fast as I searched and searched between the tree trunks and leaves that coated their branches. It was near dawn before i’d nearly had my fill of killing spiders, zombies and the like. My willpower was near broken until I spotted a color of gray between a sliver of tree branches. I dashed between the opening, a cry of joy sounding in my mind and not irl because thats taking it too far catie at what I saw. A familiar grey face stared back at me.

It was then that I fed the canine two bones I collected just for him. The hearts that popped up from his heart body and the line of red string around his neck signifying that he was now my friend. But now was not the time to celebrate. He and I had a long journey ahead of us. I made no haste in placing my boat in the nearest body of water, hoping my new friend would aboard. But of course not because its me playing and I have shit luck. Instead of doing as any normal minecraft dog, he kept falling into the water despite of me placing blocks beneath him in hopes his code would execute the command to sit his ass down in the goddamn boat. We struggled like this for a few minutes until he finally stoped having a stroke. From there, our journey continued.

I rowed around the lake aimlessly, not truly knowing which direction to head towards. I was trying to gather my meercat senses to guide me home but it was failing. I debated on cheating a compass, but decided that was pussy play. I stopped momentarily to venture into a cave in hopes of finding iron ore and redstone - but quickly driven out by monsters who had their eyes set on my boy.

I resulted back to fruitlessly paddling amongst the waves, praying I would spot familiar terrain I’d seen on the way to discovering my companion. I’d come across a few, but my sense of direction is so shit that it didn’t help much. It was during this time that I’d decided on a name for my boy - Nouget. I misspelled it but I’ve decided I like it with an e.

Eventually, dusk settled across the horizon. I was not worried this time, I was a boat - somewhere Nouget and I are relatively safe. I was wrong.

The thought had not dawned on me that I had not slept for several days. I didn’t even dare to sleep in any bed belonging to a village Nouget and I pilfered through in fear that we would never find home if I change my respawn point. It wasn’t til a fucker called a phantom reminded me that I need to fucking sleep when it swooped down and knocked a heart off my health. I would repetitively get off and on my vessel to fend off the flying beast and its companions - and cursed the minecraft developers when skeletons started shooting me from afar. Where the fuck were these thots when I needed a bone? I stopped paying attention to my health at that point, too worried about paddling away from the chaos at top speed. That was a fatal mistake.

I took to shore to kill another phantom, I kept my eye on nouget as I fought. His cute face fueled my determination, but in an instant, those obsidian eyes were gone. In fact - the battlefield before me was gone, replaced by the insides of my home. I died. Looking up at the top corner of the screen, the words “Catie was slain by phantom” were plastered in blistering white text. Fuck yall that wasnt fair.

Sadness bubbled inside me as I realized how I had 0 clue where my furry friend could be. Far away, I’m sure.

I am filled happiness at the fact that he is alive and well, yet grief knowing he is still in that boat, patiently waiting like the good boy he is. Not knowing that I may never return...

SIKE YALL REALLY THINK IM NOT GONNA FIND HIM??? AS SOON AS I GET HOME IM GONNA GO LOOKING EVEN IF TAKES FOREVER.

[mousehole5000]

tgcf lb the third chapter 14 - 21

okay hit me with the lore

Xie Lian hadn’t spoken his next words before the teenager said, “He dug it out himself.” Startled, Xie Lian asked, “Why?” The teen replied, “He went mad.” -digging out your own eye okay worm

If there were demons in this world who would scam or entice the hearts of people, then there would also be humans who would fool demons. There would exist much ongoing exploitation and betrayal. He said, “If it was handed over in infatuation, yet only results in broken bones and scattered ashes, it would indeed render one’s heart to feel aggrieved.” okay also kind of dope i love it when humans and demons get some back and forth. also this feels like it could be foreshadowing

awwww xie lian giving away his only steamed bun what a sweetheart

everyone keeps telling me this book is also a tragedy but now im just laughing at the visual of headless ghosts carrying their heads around and bickering

chronic bad luck and chronic good luck meet... what will happen to our heroes...

Xie Lian raised his head, softly saying, “You are tenacious, extremely dedicated, and despite many bitter encounters with frustrations and dashed hopes, you’ve stayed true to your heart. More often than not, your misfortunes will turn into blessings, calamity to prosperity. You will continue to have good fortune, my friend, your future is radiant and will blossom spectacularly.” All the things he said were made up on the spot, so they were complete nonsense. - fhklasjksldfdfh i know this is a ploy but still this was funny. also why didnt xie lian try to pick up palm reading from another source when he fell? are they just not as good? is he pretentious like that? either way i hope we find out more about what he got up to during those 800 years

Xie Lian felt rather skeptical on how he only ate half a bun for the duration of the entire day. If young people took advantage on their good health like this, sooner or later they would surely end up passed out on the streets. - xie lian is directly calling me out for my quarantine eating habits im sorry king ill do better

Previously, it had always been Xie Lian telling other people ‘it’s alright, it’s okay’. Today was the first time he heard those words spoken back to him, leaving him with an indescribable feeling. - awww okay this got me

oh my god there was only one bed

again comedy of the year. “oh you’re putting up a curtain that repels evil thats so interesting. on an entirely unrelated note im going to make you a door”

Brushing past him, San Lang pulled out the bamboo chopstick. He swayed it twice in front of him before saying, “It got dirty. I’ll throw it out later.” - edgy bastard moments begin

Xie Lian could hear the deliberation win Ling Wen’s tone. One thing he could be sure of was that she must be in a difficult situation. He said, “Okay, I understand. Since this is inconvenient for you, then there’s no need for you to say more. In addition, the two of us never had this conversation in private.” - awwwww considerate crown prince xie lian

“What, do you guys know him?” Xie Lian said. “……” Fu Yao coldly replied, “No we don’t.” - all men do is lie. also love the petty little broom dispute. i know its actually quite intentional and that only makes it funnier. also guys stop wrecking xie lian’s home he just got it fixed up!! if anyone breaks the new door ill be highly disappointed in them

Xie Lian nodded his head. “That’s right. I wrote it. If you guys continued fighting in there, I would be pleading for reconstruction instead of renovation. Then, I would really have no dignity left.” - see xie lian said if youre not going to contribute to it then please dont fight in my monastery its been through enough

Earlier, when Fu Yao had entered, he hadn’t gotten to examine the interior furnishings. Now, after standing in this crooked, shabby house for quite a while, he was able to see it all. As if his entire body, from head to toe, was uncomfortable, he asked, “You live in a place like this?” Xie Lian handed him a chair and said, “I’ve always lived in these kinds of places.” - ive seen this quote before and it really is just that “damn bitch you live this like?” meme. amazing

Fu Yao did not sit, his expression also turning rigid for a second. It was hard to tell what the look on his face was. It seemed nine parts blank shock and one part schadenfreude. - THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE EXPRESSION I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT

In the desert, the difference in temperature between night and day was drastic. During the night, the freezing temperature was cold enough to seep into one’s bones, yet it was still tolerable. But come daytime, it was a whole other experience. The sky here was incredibly clear and expansive with dashes of white clouds, but likewise, the blazing sun was just as fierce. The group continued to walk, but the more they walked, the more it felt as though they were going into an enormous steamer basket. The hot air emitted from deep within the earth felt as though a day’s worth of walking could steam a person alive. - YES DESERTS YES

okay xie lian is so kind and so generous? he keeps giving stuff away when he has almost nothing and making sure that others are taken care of first..... love him

Xie Lian watched them put on airs. But when such airs were discarded, they finally got physical. Separated by the space of the table, the three of them fought with the poor water bottle, pushing it back and forth. - if these three really are who i think they are this is even funnier. the very clear toying thats going on is truly delightful

Even before, Xie Lian had always thought that although this teenager was always smiling, his smile often made it hard for people to distinguish whether it was actually genuine, or whether it was mockery in the guise of compliments. However, this time, anyone would be able to tell that there wasn’t even half an ounce of goodwill in his smile. - yeah that about sums it up. not even half an ounce of goodwill damn that sure the hell is not a lot of goodwill

He had Ruoye go grab onto something sturdy and stable, but Ruoye ended up grabbing onto San Lang! - awwww thats kind of cute. also the mental image... im going to make this its own post too but

im waiting for xie lian to cough up all that sand hes eating and say something funny when we’re back on the ground. i hope we get more very literal decisions from ruoye

It should be noted that there was a common saying within the mortal realm—a powerful dragon cannot crush a snake in its old haunts. - oh i like this and the translators note This is an old Chinese adage that basically means, ‘even a powerful man cannot crush a local bully.’

“General.” Nan Feng and Fu Yao both spoke at the same time, “What?” - CONFIRMED I CALLED IT tbh it was kind of obvious now ig now im just waiting. also again hysterical. if youre gonna hide your identities boys fucking lkafjfjlkdaf; try harder to remember that youre hiding

To be demoted again and again, to the point one couldn’t be demoted any further…… this kind of experience honestly felt too familiar. Xie Lian felt two gazes collectively fall on his body, but he pretended not to notice and continued reading the text on the stone slate. - this is a funny little set up for what seems to be a parallel between xie lian and this central plains general. he tripped on his own bootlace??? this HAS to be xie lian parallel what does it mean. oooh the common people on both sides of the conflict were the ones who commemorated him? interesting..

San Lang faintly smiled before he whispered, “No, I made that up. Since they had laughed at him before, making them kowtow to him now wouldn’t be asking too much, right?” Xie Lian looked and saw that it was really true. There was already no more text left to translate on the stone slate. He had originally wanted to sigh, but now he just found it funny. Thus, he also whispered, “Why are you so cheeky?” San Lang stuck out his tongue. The two of them were laughing when suddenly, someone screamed, “What is this!!!???” - okay they are funny and i respect the deception. also oooh scorpion tailed snake. oooh a horde of them. a classic cave blunder

“Yeah! The results are relatively the same as worshipping that rubbish immortal! The more you worship, the unluckier you become! “ “……” For an arrow to hit the bullseye despite being in a place so distant and unrelated, Xie Lian was left with no words. - oh my god xie lian are you wearing a spiritual “kick me” sign because it really feels like you are

HE GOT STUNG XIE LIAN NO