#im that kid who gets made fun of just so people can see the lack of emotion

[llycaons]

while I enjoy an AU where sect cultivators stood by wwx in his defiance against the cultivation world or supported the wen remnants with him, they can't hit like canon does bc they always feel a little...hm. like if the author is super invested and insists THIS is what should have/would have happened its like they're missing the point of all the characters and their arcs?

[cowardlybean]

ok so

beyond being gross and weird I think there’s something to be said about the lack of literary analysis in proshipping (this post is about mp100 in particular but this can apply elsewhere)

there’s two points I’m getting at here: lack of understanding of the characters being interpreted, and intent of author

first of all, the common rebuttal to “he would not fucking say that” is “it’s just fiction and for fun” (which is just a really common rebuttal for everything but that’s beside my point). But that point lacks acknowledgement that their interpretation isn’t based on the source material. For example: Reigen, the guy who notoriously stood up against a terrorist organization to keep kids from being in danger, being interpreted as a pedophile (there’s no soft way to put it). It’s going directly against what is set up in a (in my opinion) disrespectful way. Also there’s a point to be made about trampling over platonic relationships for the sake of shipping and how that applies to proship but i digress!

There are methods to have characters act in ways they would not normally. In fact, most of my favorite fics across all of my fandoms do this!! What they all have in common is an understanding of that character that explains what pushed them to the point of deconstructing their own morals and values. “Wouldn’t it be fucked up if this happened?” works so much better when you can see how it led to that point. And even then I’d venture to say there are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed, knowing these characters do in fact belong to the author, but me drawing lines in the sand isn’t going to be accurate to everyone’s view. It’s always going to be a nuanced topic!

Second of all is the importance of authors intent when reading. Rather than applying this to the base media, however, I’m pivoting focus onto those creating proship content. What is their intent while writing? Through unfortunate exposure in Multiple fandoms I see these common reasons: fluffy content with or without acknowledging the ship being (for lack of a better word. i wish i knew a better one) problematic, dark content such as gore or rape, or (there’s no way to put this lightly) jackoff material. Keep in mind these are generalizations, but im also not giving some of these people the time of day to add defenses.

The “fluffy” content I can sometimes see as the author of the content not understanding the consequence of the ship itself (incest and pedophilia bad) due to a multitude of factors, and I genuinely do think there are learning experiences for them in non negative or aggressive ways. Dark content I can make a case that this is a form of self harm whether intentional or unintentional, however for some this gets looped into the last category. Finally, it’s pretty obvious some people just yank their shit to incest and pedophilia and I REALLY don’t think I need to explain why that’s bad. Point is, it’s important to consider proshippers intent, and how it’s more complex than just gross people who are intentionally malicious. I think there’s learning experiences here for every proshipper, however those who refuse to acknowledge that their actions have consequences (entirely different post to make there about how proshipping can in fact have real life repercussions) I hold a special vendetta against.

To conclude I’ll say I’m not someone who calls myself an “Anti”. Do I hate proshipping? Yes, absolutely I do. But I also enjoy fiction with darker topics that are handled in a critical manner!! Think Oyasumi Punpun. Good manga btw, absolutely horrifying though. I don’t think dark subjects should be kept out of fiction but I do think they should be handled with care.

[memeapple2]

Tails gets trolled rp starters part 1

yeah 😔 yes I'm leaving in the typos beacuse it's funnier that way :^) Fight me nerds!!

"Fuck you trolls!"

"They can't troll you if their dead!"

"I'm so mad, I'm gonna have sex with my girlfriend so I won't be so mad."

"Dumbass will learn."

"Mad? U Mad? U look mad U stupid bitch!"

"sorry *insert name* if this looks gay to the viewers."

"the art of trolling was actually started from humans but it wasn't called trolling it was called being a dick but back in the middle ages i was being made fun of because i wasn't human."

"im extremely hurt you would think im a douche. it might not look like it but i have feelings and you hurt them."

"hey can you put that on a coaster?"

"They have been getting trolled. you know how it is. there calling *insert name* gay and shit they cant take it."

"the way to stop a troll. is to become his friend .as his friend you can show him the right path!"

*-goes back to knitting-*

"come i will talk to these kids and stop this hate with kindness!"

"sometimes there is need to do whats needed, if it was up to me *insert name* would be dead and we would never have to worry"

"im not gay I have a girl friend and i would like it if this conflict to end in peace"

"you must not know who i am. i have alot of talent and i have lots of friends. one of my friends is right beside me . and for what your saying isn't true, so i am not afended by your hateful comments"

"ehhh...... im gonna ignore what you just said and ask you one more time. lets end this hate and become friends"

"why don't we just be friends this is stupid"

"ok im gonna take a random guess and say you guys failed with that peace crap"

"i fucking knew it"

"hello dickheads so your the trolls i heard about"

"hey do you see that? it looks like a group of pokemon.coming at us"

"for a em→→breaded donkey i can sure fuck your mom hard."

"there isn't. you remember what happen when you guys tried peace? you cant talk to them. there to oblivious"

"yea remind me next time to not kill such a fat person"

"high shovel!"

"ok i'm gonna go back to sleep now good night."

"banana"

"don't worry man I killed the fat one. its all cool man. i know all about the taste for blood"

"thank you for proving that peace isn't shit. when it comes to trolls. your a good friend"

" *insert name* Wake up! you fucked up big time!"

"People can't troll me beacuse I have no ears. They can't troll me if I can't hear them!"

"What? I don't have fucking ears!"

"If you don't mind I'd like to continue knitting this!"

"did you know with seat belts people die all the time in car crashes? I thought that was interesting!"

"have you ever been bitch slapped from lack of listening? Lack of doing what you're told? Beacuse I'm not that far from slapping you."

"which means I can be super powerful and kick everyone's ass..I'm gonna be awesomely badass!"

"trust me this plan will be better beacuse I'm gonna smoke my smart weed! I'm smarter when I'm high."

"Why are you filled with so much hatred and aggression? I'm finding it difficult to assume what you must have went through to mold you into the person standing in front of me now."

"Hey troll! FUCK YOU!!!"

"hmmmm this isn't as i thought it would be, killing people is really boring and all these annoying screams, i mean damn."

"Yeah that wasn't very good. I tried to do something similar to high shovel. Let's just forget about this."

"there is no need for any blood shed, this problem can be solved with out any villains"

"I do all kinds of stupid and gay shit."

"I’m starting to think that even if we pray our hearts out and know that we do wrong, that maybe there are things that god can’t fix and maybe, instead of putting our hope in god to fix all our problems we take action for our mistakes and learn from them."

"Sorry it took us so long to save you from TIME PRISON. So what did you do in TIME PRISON?"

"You gotta calm down bro, chill man, smoke a joint!"

"After 50 years I started to feel like I was losing my sanity so I started to break my fingers and I would just break my fingers and set them again. "

" I started breaking all my bones. I broke every bone in my hands. I broke my arms, separately, and then I started to break my own ribs. I broke my femurs, it took a while. And then I healed and broke them again."

"After 5000 years my bones were all scar tissue. They had all grown so solidly back together that I was unable to move. "

"And after another 5000 years of furious infinitesimal movement, I built up enough muscle mass to spontaneously break any bone in my body, and then I could move again. "

"My body had done so much healing that I healed almost instantly. That’s all I do now. Every time I move my body, my bones shatter and heal back in my next shape. If I take a single step, every bone in my legs splinters and then reforms. I don’t know what pain is because I have been alive for 10 million years."

"Okay but it looks like your walking normal."

"Well that's just stupid."

"oh sorry i forgot about this and took a nap and then took a shit. im so sorry i forgot but no worries man im here now"

"ahhhhh........................................................ yeah i dont know."

"hey your awful lonely. you must be a looser or something."

"this is the down side of having no ears, i can't hear if *insert name* is screaming for help or not, i mean i have no clue if hes screaming towards me back, so damn it having no ears kind of blows."

"hhahahahahahahahha i dont even know what the fuck you said?"

"i was trolled until i got bigger and stronger then them now i am feared"

".................... i have no importance to this story line what so ever, i think im gonna go."

"wow that story was super amazingly awesome, im not even joking right now"

"ahhhhhh so gay"

"we neutral's dont take sides in childish battles that normal people do. to pick sides is fullish."

"well most of the trolls are stupid but they all think there smart it's funny if you think about it."

"ummm. what object is like that? huh? ........ its unbreakable and its breakable? how is that possible? is it a liquid? hmmm i don't understand ?"

"now im gonna kick you right in your hairy ballsack"

"ok everyone! do you guys see this paper? well theres nothing on it yet but there will be"

"hey guys i was just telling him the plan. we are gonna do a all nighter and get fucked up hahaha its gonna be sweet."

"What? what are you talking about? We can discuss this further when there's not a gun in my face.."

"shut up, i got this alright, i got this shit in the bag, you'll see."

[entropicbias]

your existence is genuinely befuddling to me. like i mean this in the absolute nicest way possible, which is kinda stupid because it's going to sound incredibly condescending and mean anyway. i just do not understand how you can build your life and personality around a character you ostensibly have the same name as and get offended when people ask if you are roleplaying or kinning or treat you as a character. especially in the homestuck community. understandably i'd get pissed too but in this community people seem to lack critical thinking skills and you seem aware of that too

i think the way you type everywhere and the fact that a lot of your friends do the exact same thing as you but with other characters from hs gives it away

im not even necessarily saying it's a bad thing to kin a character but if you're gonna do it, it just seems disingenuous to frame it as "i've always been this way"

i understand that i am an asshole for even insinuating that you're just playing a character or maybe it's just that people noticed that you share some similarities with a certain character and you just play into that for fun or something

so i guess my question is whether this is just a huge bit or not. you don't even have to answer this i was just wondering as somebody who previously built my entire identity around a fictional character before

(very well said. john egbert isn't really unique in personality. maybe you should've gone to someone who acted like xehanort. i think that would've landed you a better answer.)

here are multiple tweets of me humoring comments i get regarding this. and also casually telling people i'm not doing a bit, and i don't think i'm john egbert from homestuck. very casually, i've only gotten offended when people have associated me with the character to make assumptions about my personal life and my identity. i'm not sure where else you've seen me "get offended over it" like it's a federal issue. i am pretty aware that that is a normal assumption to make based on what i act like.

here are some youtube comments i made when i was nine or ten. i have never typed exactly like this for all my life consistently. just like any other person. i have had phases where i've just changed to adjust to whatever was big in internet humor and language. but, using periods is just muscle memory to me.

my friends are also their own people. matter of fact, i am friends with a lot of them because this is a shared experience. you see many people in the fandom who have either been like me or there are many cases where people are transgender and have taken on the name and look of a character they relate to. or some people are genuinely just like, people with DID.

there was a brief period in my life where, because of the way i was, i was told i needed to associate with an identity close to how people claim they are "irls" of characters. but i was also 15, and i was a very impressionable kid. and you have to remember that this was like, a trend. even so, i don't think i have ever publicly associated myself with the label at all. it was just a thing i picked up from some weird friends i had going into the fandom. i am obviously grounded in reality, and i am my own person!!!!

i do not currently "kin" or say i "kin" cause that is really gay. no offense to kinners, the concept is fun! it just got ruined by fandom people.

john egbert is more like a persona to me than anything! but it's not like you could tell my drawings of him and me apart. again, not a federal issue.

i think this was a really presumptuous way to ask me this question, like you've completely figured out my act out or something by insinuating that i am being disingenuous. i would have a lot more respect for you if you either approached me privately or didn't make the only way of answering your question to publicly have to tell people i am not lying about my image. i'm really only answering this because i'd hate it if other people thought the same. so, let me clear the air!

i am not building my life around john egbert. that is not even possible at this point because i am a grown ass man. if i wanted to be more like john egbert, i wouldn't draw gay homestuck art as my main hobby.

does this answer your invasive question.

[suffarustuffaru]

Opinion on Reinhard's dad possibly seeing "the son he never had" on Garfiel? It could totally take that route tbh

It would be a fun dynamic imo

oh anon as a heinkel fan (hes soo terrible but so fascinating and i WANT to see him get better and grow as a person. but also you may have known that since you are asking me this hah) and someone who is quite fond of garf i lovedddd the recent heinkel-garfiel chapters... and LMAO this idea of like. heinkel being a bit soft on garfiel bc yay!! new son replacement!!! is SO FUNNY ive thought about it a little bit. and IT WOULD BE FUN and i think heinkels arc is super interesting bc he kinda hit his rock bottom in like about arc 7-early arc 8 where its like. its post arc 5 astrea drama so shit just got even more bleak for heinkel, hes stuck in dangerous territory and he doesnt believe in himself At All and hes too depressed to really try all that much at anything.

but then GARFIEL comes along and saves heinkel a couple times and garfiel gets hit down but keeps getting right tf up - and that goes against like literally everything heinkel thinks. he doesnt try to be better bc he doesnt think he can ever accomplish it no matter how hard he tries, but garfiel is someone who just WONT stop trying.

and we also see that heinkel learning more about rowan and cecilus and the whole deal with the segmunts has made heinkel go "oh. okay haha maybe im not as far gone as i thought" bc heinkel gets shown another example of a dysfunctional family with an extremely op son and a deadbeat alcoholic dad and theyre a mirror of reinhard and heinkel. except rowan and cecilus are like if reinhard and heinkel werent so miserable about their shit relationship, bc as shitty as heinkels behavior is deep down he still CARES. he cares a lot about his family. he misses reinhard - why else would he need schult to be a replacement? he's still mourning that loss, if you think about it. but rowan is just so batshit that heinkel immediately goes backtracking like "OKAY IM. IM NOT THAT BAD. MAYBE THERES A TINY LITTLE SPECK OF HOPE FOR ME AFTER ALL."

and garfiel is helping to be a catalyst as well bc of his own determination to always keep growing and keep fighting no matter what gets in his way. hes a spunky little kid whos powerful but when faced with opponents stronger than him Refuses To Give Up. thats inspirational i think for heinkel, especially when its not as if hes a shit fighter, dude is just outshadowed by his family and other people around him. he just has to get up and keep trying, so its interesting that heinkel DOES find the courage to try and protect garfiel while garfiel's trying not to die.

like i do think that its heinkel like having this grudging respect for garfiel after the interactions theyve had, also possibly feeling inspired by garfiel and having that tiny bit of hope in him after meeting rowan and interacting with garfiel, and also trying to repay garfiel. bc heinkel treats himself like dirt and gets treated like dirt a lot - im sure his thought process might be "this kid took the time to keep saving me even though im literally worthless and now hes in danger, this is the least i can do". i would be interested if it went the route of like. heinkel having that fatherly instinct rekindled - i think itd be interesting for garfiel as well bc. he IS lacking a father figure, but for heinkel, i think that its clear with how he acts with schult that heinkel does kind of miss having a son and having that sort of love in his life.

we know he DID use to be a good dad, and tbh i always kind of headcanoned that heinkel probably isnt that mean with most kids unless its someone like. you know. subaru. or julius. or reinhard of course. like heinkels not that much of an ass when his life is on the line or when there isnt super personal stakes involved (ie astrea stuff). hes a character that carries a lot of guilt and shame and self-hatred, someone who's spiraled into being the worst version of himself when he used to be bright-eyed and hardworking and full of love despite the weight on his shoulders - i think he would see a very kind and determined and spirited kid like garfiel (and might be reminded of the kid he Used to love) and hope that garfiel doesnt end up like him (ie lost, burnt out, and depressed). we see this sort of behavior a bit with schult too, bc heinkel tries to give schult advice and tries to look after schult a bit in general!! and garfiel's like a better version of heinkel you know? garfiel's a bit abrasive with a quick temper and all but hes extremely well intentioned in just about everything he does. and i think heinkel might have a fondness for all of garfiel's antics at this point T^T

but yes ty for the ask anon !! :o im very interested to see where heinkel and garfiel go from here, bc it looks like heinkel's started some baby steps in his growth!!

[antiradqueer]

at some points i genuinely think the radqueer community has turned into a sort of maladaptive, harmful way of escaping from reality, if that makes sense. not in a "haha look at these delusional losers" way this is a serious problem that they really need to get therapy or /healthy/ coping mechanisms or some kind of help for.

like they've gotten sucked into a vacuum of "anything and everything needs a label if you don't have all these 3813481348034803480 labels in your label hoard with an in-depth understanding of every single one of them you're not /really/ radqueer you're probably a troll", for one. it's fun to collect tons and tons of labels (i do that! im literally agender and bi and celarsian and xenogender and librafluid and a billion other things) but there's a point where a fun hobby that you engage with casually and healthily turns into an obsession that you can't see yourself living with out and you use to fill a void in your life instead of actually getting help.

this is made worse by the fact that whenever people point this out to them to try and help, they instantly get defensive and act like you're trying to attack them - they've demonized any form of help or therapy or even coping mechanisms (besides "im gonna write porn of an irl minor to cope :3333" which... sure is a thing /neg) to the point where just mentioning "hey maybe you could try some coping mechanisms" will get you banned from a server and get you put on a callout post calling you ableist and anti-radqueer and a TERF and whatever the hell else they decide to pretend you are (i know because this happened to me).

the way this differs from the mogai/liom communities, since ik they're gonna compare it to that, is that the mogai/liom communities are created out of an actual desire to label part of your identity. most transids are not (with the exception of things like "transrace" or "transage" because those often are actually trying to label a part of their identity, although they're usually going about it in the wrong way, but that's not the point right now). im talking transjob and transopinion and transship and transwhatiateforbreakfastthismorning and whatever else - these are so hyperspecific and meaningless to the point where, or lack of a better phrase, it's honestly insulting to the entire concept of transids in a way. i don't support transids, but i can very easily tell what the major transids were originally intended to label (actual dysphoria/a feeling of "this isn't who i am"/etc, ignoring the way they go about helping their dysphoria because oftentimes it's not good at all) and it is very different from the transids being coined now (a coping mechanism turned maladaptive, unhealthy obsession disguised as "it's just for fun, let people live!!").

transid coiners coin these things and add meaningless things to their hoards constantly. it's like they've run out of actual bandages to cover up an injury and started grabbing at everything they could find. and when you try to offer to help them get therapy or learn coping mechanisms or anything besides mentally draining and destroying themselves, they scream at you that you're ableist and homophobic and anti-radqueer and just as bad as a real-life nazi because you want to help them feel better.

the transid community, as it started out, was more like oculoids. i know this because i was in the transid community when it just started out. people were entirely against people lying about their physical age, people were entirely against chrono-adults dating chrono-minors, they were entirely against people lying about their physical race, hell they were even super skeptical of transautistic and transadhd or whatever when those terms first circulated and everyone was at least fully against pretending to actually be autistic and against transautistics identifying as autigender.

and, somewhere along the line, that changed - and young, traumatized kids (because yes, all the people coining transjob and transopinion and whatever are entirely children, i've seen people as young as fucking /eleven/ in this community and i've rarely seen anyone above 14) found a coping mechanism in the community. it was like, okay, fun! coining terms can be fun! it can be a fun coping mechanism, just like any other form of art is (because i consider flag making and coming up with names for terms and other aspects of coining art), but it should be just that. a fun hobby. something you do occasionally, you shouldn't do it constantly and you shouldn't use it as your only coping mechanism and you shouldn't shut out every other form of help or therapy or coping just to coin things to fill the void in your life.

these transid coiners are traumatized, lonely children. im not trying to be demeaning or make fun of them, but they are all young children/teens. they need /actual/ help, because exclusively coining tons and tons of meaningless terms (and yes, terms like "transship" and "transfashion" are 100% meaningless) while in a community full of plenty of people hiding in there, disguising themselves as their friends, looking for vulnerable people to take advantage of, is unhealthy as hell. obsessing over your hundreds of extremely obscure transids that don't mean anything to you or anyone else and that you probably couldn't even name half of is unhealthy. coining can be a good coping mechanism, yes! but not when it's used as your /only/ coping mechanism and your /only/ source of happiness and comfort.

if you're translovecore or transpilot or transmonikaxsayori or whatever and that means a lot to you for whatever reason but you aren't using transids as your only outlet, then cool, you aren't really part of the root problem. a little weird, and i don't understand it at all, but honestly not inherently harmful like some other transids.

to transid people - please read this and you find yourself relating to any of this, get help. not in a "you're delusional" or "you're weird" way, you genuinely need healthy coping mechanisms and some form of help and comfort because it's unhealthy to obsess over and center your life around /anything/ this much.

this turned into an entire essay gah damn i should've started this with "transid community bad, yes? in this essay i will,"

Now this is what im talking about, hope you dont mind me crosstagging lol

[genlossneg]

thank you for this blog im boutta post a lot of my suffering in here enjoy the essay

I’m not a ranboo fan at all, i just heard about a cool horror project from a name i’m familiar with and i was excitedly waiting for perhaps a new kid on the block with cool content and the resources to do so. I’ve seen what people with three coins and a piece of lint can do out of passion, and so i expected that someone that has far more resources out of the gate would be able to really take it out of the park if they were equally as passionate. I’ll just grab a couple of points and elaborate.

Intentionally bad.

This is the poorest excuse for low quality content I’ve heard. Not a single self-respecting creative that actually cares about their project would make something ACTUALLY bad. Anytime you see something that’s intentionally bad and yet somehow beloved, look DEEPER. Because behind that veil of “bad” is actually often a HUGE amount of effort and care put into something a creator cared about. 

Intentionally bad content is still made with the intention to be fun to watch, to be entertaining. There is very little entertainment found in any of the genloss bad content.

Lack of horror content

The main excuses i’ve seen is that they were scared of Twitch TOS, to which I say lolwhat. You had two whole years to contact twitch and talk it out with them and figure out what part of your project and show would fly and what wouldn’t, and instead you opted to really cut out any horror aspect at all for fear of being banned on twitch? And even then, content more gorey and disturbing than this is allowed on twitch. If Until Dawn flies on twitch, I think gen loss could have gone wilder.

And if they REALLY didn’t want to risk it, for the love of god at least be creative with your attempts to circumvent it? The goofy poor editing of the red in ep2 during the surgery sequence took me out of it entirely and confused me so much. You know what they could’ve done? TURNED THE LIGHTING A STARK RED. THAT’S IT. THE MOST BASIC THING, TO AT LEAST REALLY GET ACROSS THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG.

The acting

I was a theatre kid in highschool and let me tell you even the 13 year olds acted with more passion and devotion to the role than 95% of the cast in gen loss. Even during improv. You can tell that there is basically no script to gen loss and that its purely “X will happen then Y will happen and we need to fill it with conversation and improv” with zero direction on tone or anything. It was so painful seeing how little effort had gone into the acting. Ranboo can’t act for shit and should have gone through some acting classes before taking on a live show. The only ones that were visibly trying were charlie and jerma and the people who were frozen robots during ep3 (because as someone who had to stay frozen in pose hours on end for a play while on-stage, that shit is HARD)

Hetch’s acting was even more laughable, and his fakeout death was… something. An incredibly cartoonish “uguguhh” exiting his mouth- really? Also It was so frustrating to have his voice come from seemingly nowhere. There was no source to his voice.

It sucked so much seeing ranboo actually TRY to be better in his acting in episode 3 because when he suddenly started being intense it felt WRONG and out of character, because there was no natural leadup to him being like that. ep 1 and 2 were so bad that even when ep 3 was better it felt disappointing.

Lighting

Its already been mentioned by film student anon that the lighting is such a huge amateur mistake but I want to touch upon the creative aspect of the lighting a little more.

There was such an utter lack of using colored lighting to really set tones in scenes and it SUCKED. Like, already with the lack of outright horror blood and gore, they NEEDED creative lighting to at least intensify scenes! Add some damn flickering lights! Green lighting? Something- anything. Again, TEENAGERS have been more creative with lighting in a performance and all they had was four colors to work with and nothing fancy.

Camerawork

I wish they would have actually done good camera work. Set up some cameras in locations and acted in front of them instead of having someone follow ranboo around and having some “lore” explanation for it that makes little sense. Having moving cameras that are shaky and constantly cutting people frame-wise is just not pleasant to watch and does not add anything useful. On top of the camera quality jarringly changing between shots constantly it just… ruined the flow. 

in ep3, we had an explanation for why there’s a camera following ranboo, and we got some REALLY COOL ESTABLISHING SHOTS THAT…. made no sense in lore. Why would the “drone” following ranboo take establishing shots? It’s supposed to follow ranboo- but then later it gets dismissed and we suddenly have sharp camera cuts to what im guessing was a prerecorded scene due to the camera quality change and it just felt. So sudden and jarring? Like okay you just dismissed the camera and now we suddenly get a different non-canon camera because they remembered we actually need to still see whats happening.

Lore/Story

The lore and story we have gotten so far is so scatterbrained and nonsensical. + knowing that this project isn’t actually what gen loss was supposed to be (which: Why are you advertising it as gen loss then, ranboo? You’re just staining the name of your passion project). So much of genloss is in the “I guess” category of why things happened. But the consistensy also felt so off. From what I understand, Charlie is the slime demon, and was the guy on the gurney, and was also in ep 3 as  himself. And all those other versions WERE the ep3 charlie. How? Charlie died? twice? According to what has happened? But he’s alive anyway at the end until he gets killed again by a cheap backrooms monster? But supposedly everyone else did actually die? 

I just. Genuinely do not understand what the story here was. What the point was of everything. I’m not gonna ask who the characters were because the characters were just the streamers and nothing special or new. If you know the streamer, thats the “character”. It’s just godawful writing.

Viewer interaction

Viewer interaction was pointless and didn’t matter. Either every choice the viewers made was gonna happen anyway, or ranboo decided to ignore it lol. It felt like there was no impact to viewers doing anything to influence the show and the show probably would have been largely better had viewer interaction not been a thing at all.

also idk maybe making ranboo’s “character” aware of the audience from the get go would have been more fun as they could’ve been trying to get the audience to do anything while we’re just watching quietly. And they could’ve gotten more and more desperate with the audience as things went on. But then again that requires actual acting skills that ranboo barely has.

Just as some final words, this really feels like a case of someone who has never done anything like this thinking they can do this because they’re famous and well-liked online. I know ranboo makes a lot of money, so they certainly had enough money to make something good. Take some film classes or acting classes. Instead they became overambitious and made just a generally unpleasant show that is not going to make me want to watch any future gen loss content in good faith.

The entire show depends on going “MY STREAMER!!! THATS MY STREAMER!!!” and would not survive on its own merit. The hype towards gen loss was misleading on what it’d be, and the fans made amazing fanart that does not live up to the reality of what they got and i feel genuinely sad for them. The fanbase made a better interpretation of what gen loss is WITHOUT EVEN NEEDING GEN LOSS TO BE OFFICIALLY RELEASED.

also a final thing about the merch but why is the merch so bad lol. Its such boring design. The gen loss logo appears barely anywhere in the show itself. The fans could’ve had some sort of cool merch, like masks based off of ranboo’s mask and the showfall robot masks. Shirts and merch based off of the slime demon and warehouse master. 

Anyway sorry for the huge wall of text I have just been going insane abt this to my friend in dms enjoy

————————————————–

i could probably spend hours responding to all of this! thank you for the mini essay, you make a ton of great points. i really sympathize with the “not a ranboo fan” stance because my friends are way more fans of him than i am, and were way invested.

i personally haven’t heard any “it’s supposed to be bad!” defenses but i can totally believe there are people like that out there lol. i definitely in the “there’s no entertainment when it’s bad”. you’re entirely right about the lack of horror! i was so confused after the first stream and everyone was like “it’s not supposed to be horror yet! you don’t understand!” and then it took until the 3rd stream for anything significant to even happen, and even then it was weak.

charlie and jerma did so much for gen loss man, ranboo’s acting was just.. not that great and when it was, it felt so jarring. more interesting lighting would’ve been so fun! so much could’ve been done with that, and that’s especially clear when they switch cameras because they had the ability to film this incredibly and just.. didn’t. i feel like we didn’t get so much lore that we should have, especially with how long the streams were. i hope we get something clearer later on.

the idea of him being aware of chat the whole time would be cool, but idk if it would’ve worked with the “brainwashed” thing he was doing. overall i agree - gen loss was super hyped up and in this form, it didn’t live up to it as well as it could have. once again, ty for the mini-essay, it was a great read!

[breadandblankets]

talking with andy, so now im thinking about Bruce lmao, mostly the fact that you have to fanonize characters to a certain extent to basically define what Kind of character youre serving, there are too many differences between canons that it can be Really hard to pin down who youre even talking about.

Im sure my Bruce is irrevocably colored by my love of UTRH, Batgirl(s), and Metal, and that i usually prefer my bruce as part of the batfam and not as part of the wider DC universe

At his core, Bruce is a messy messy character, and thats what makes him so fun tbh, hes got this high stubbornness that bulldozes the line right into ego, where he is convinced that he is right and doesn't need to tell anyone else things, so many stories play out because Bruce is on a Mission and doesn't tell anyone else the important details leading to someone else stumbling into his Mission and things going fubar

he tries to logic and reason his way out of every situation, leading to him not taking people's feeling into account, but then when he gets overly emotional (usually when hes out of his depth and overwhelmed) he lashes out in anger and ends up hurting people (sometimes literally, re baterang)

but i think that after jason's death bruce had a very hard time being a father figure and not a commanding officer and Tim does not make that Any Easier (not that i blame Tim for Bruce's fuck ups, hell no, but Tim does Not want to be parented in Any situation). I think about how long it took Cass to get adopted vs Jason and go ://// I think that difference alone makes it clear just how Bruce was doing after Death in the Family.

even after jason's back he's still mourning his son, and there are some great fics that have talked about that, mourning is not something you can really stop even if the person in question comes back i don't think, the trauma is still there no matter what

In a more meta sense, DC writers doing grimdark made him honestly genuinely unlikable, if you hate grimdark bruce i do Not blame you, making Batman all "grounded" and "gritty" just makes me root for the rogue to put me out of my friggen misery already

I think on some level a lot (if not most) of us are projecting our issues and lack thereof with our fathers onto Bruce, either he reminds you of your father (affectionate) or (derogatory). I know im definitely projecting mine!

That's kinda why i write him as a messy fuck up that does his best and fucks up anyway but ultimately tries to get better. I let his kids forgive him for his mistakes, and he forgives them for theirs, cause thats what i want to see

[20cm]

irt the post about cutting children off the internet entirely like.. i understand (deeply) that its a polarizing topic in some circles and im preaching to the choir probably but um

rightly its a conversation that Needs to be had as children are being raised in a world where there is increasing need for them to be online to not only socialize with peers properly (especially offline! i think its similar to something like not having the same access to TV that everyone else did in the 90s-00s and everyone making references that go over your head, because these kids might miss the firsthand experience of seeing it but come to school and be the odd-man out for not being privy) but also to do basic things like schoolwork or access information thats increasingly all online.

and, arguably, a child not being "in" on something their peers is is probably on a lower ranking than how lack of internet access can limit their ability to navigate the internet safely and get what they need out of research for a school project. but i really do think that anyone who was raised even just on the internet of the aughts + 10s know just how much the internet shaped the culture at large and our interpersonal relationships (for better or worse, similar to in-person spaces).

like li says in her original tweet, cutting off a child from the internet doesnt stop the child from accessing the internet. they will find a way. they will still be exposed to the shit you may not want them to see through peers. they will do increasingly unsafe things to get access if you make them feel unsafe to do it in your presence. you cannot let your fear of what the internet can be shape how your child interacts with it, because fear without rational mitigation is just irrational and kids see through that so quickly and it will intensify their need to see for themselves

isolating them socially from peers is such a quick way to damage your childs ability to form bonds and exercise their ability to engage with peers casually. they will be left out of jokes and made fun of. let alone the fact that a lot of the time, the isolation from the internet is also separating them from peers and outlets online

idk just... as someone who was cut off from internet access for years on and off as a teenager, separated from friends who were the only people i had for years of abuse irl and social ostracization in a small town and my periods of fear and desperation when id find work arounds for getting back to the only place i felt safe and trying to contact friends who loved me when i didnt feel loved elsewhere? idk

i just feel like it could all be avoided if the abstinence mindset wasnt adopted. keeping your kids off the internet will not stop them from going on the internet

[x-tetrodotoxin-x]

i am the person who sent the last ask, and i have finished playing the game and watched most of the anime, and im now a Changed Man.

pleaaaaaase can you give me your hcs on zack's time in the hell orphanage? that whole thing is really interesting, and it's a shame it's mentioned like once

Hii what fun! Yeah I can give some hcs. Honestly it's kind of a shame the orphanage wasn't really touched on for very long, but the shit we did get on it was dark.

So like i said I really think that orphanage was a front for human trafficking. It seems at least implied to be based on the caretakers mentioning the money aspect so often. What's fucked is it sounds like not only were the caretakers trafficking the kids, but the kids parents sold them to the orphanage to get rid of them, probably knowing the shit was shady as hell. It's pretty straightforward that those kids were abandoned there for money, it's stated in canon in at least the manga:

(Little Zack is so freaking adorable btw omg hes so tiny)

So like the whole aspect of the dead kids being buried in the yard; they clearly made Zack do that more than once. Totally hc that while yea some of those kids died of starvation, exposure, lack of medical attention, etc some of them were killed either on purpose as an example to the other children or on accident during incidents of abuse and Zack saw that a lot, contributing to his violent nature later on

ik he apparently started killing because he "saw a violent movie on tv" but I think that's bs and the caretakers were killing people in front of him or making him kill the other kids

Back on the programming shit, it's mentioned a lot that as a child Zack did whatever the caretakers told him to do despite not wanting to do it, hence him being referred to as a tool so often. So uh. Programming.

He's scared of fire, so they used fire to frighten him into doing things, following orders, being obedient, etc.

A lotta his abuse was like severe neglect and making him sleep outside, do a lot of physical labor, starvation, etc. I usually hc there was a lot of physical abuse too, especially early on to condition him into doing thinhs.

Sexual abuse but they targeted him differently in that way- like they really wanted to push the idea that he was a monster on him just because of his burns so incidents of noncon weren't as frequent as some of the other orphans, but were really horrific like refusing to touch him during it, using objects to do it, lots of degrading and insulting comments, not letting him bathe after, forcing him to isolate, etc.

If we hc the incidents of sa were less frequent with him (or done in private) the other orphans being kind of cold towards him not only bc they see and learn from the way the caretakers treat him, but in their mind he's "getting off easier because he's too hideous to sell off" so they project onto him, leading to more alienation.

It's not really clear when Zack got burned besides that it was shortly before his Mom abandoned him at the orphanage but if they were fresh they probably healed badly due to improper care- the orphanage caretakers refusing to let him properly clean and bandage his burns.

Also, like, the fact he still wears the bandages as an adult despite the burns being scars by now makes me think they probably forced him to keep the burns and scars covered up and made him wear the bandages even after his burns healed "as to not cause disgust to others" or some shit. He definitely wouldn't say it out loud, but he's self conscious about them.

I'm sure I've got more on that but like that oughta cover bases for now. So much dead dove potential with that orphanage, that series in general tbh omg

[newty]

dion fic chapter 1 meta thoughts!!!!!!!!!

i made that meme a few days ago and didnt realize until a few hrs later that the Me penguin was chewing on the other's right arm and then i completely lost it. taking away dions arm feels good/feels right/feels like actualizing his sacrifice with physical, mental, & social consequences that will reshape the way he lives in the new world entirely. there's no past to return to, babey, and he cant accept that yet!

it was a bit odd to actually have him Cry and be Very Vulnerable when he seems to prefer taking careful shots at the things that distress him + occasionally just yell at those things. watching him just completely check out when the hideaway discusses twinside getting wiped out was like. wow i am experiencing a suffering unlike any other. this man is going to to completely lose control of what he thought was himself but in a totally different way than the first time. i think his brain chemistry got ratshaked and thats part of the :) i cant wait to die:) convo w the bros. its also part of why i made him cry. his identity and his control of that identity have changed.

now that kihel isnt on her own in complete survival mode maturity, i wanted to let her act more like a kid. i think she's around 12 (even if dion pings her around 9). it was a lot of fun to give her and terence a comfortable rapport. kids can unlock different attitudes in ppl, so i felt like letting terence be so casual with her was a great way to get him to stretch his legs beyond the Hyper Formality he has to upkeep as a high ranking military officer and servant. i dont doubt, like any person, that he was casual with others in the past, but our limited time w him gave us only one answer abt his personality.

in order not to seize up and feel stuck in the repetitiveness of keeping him only The Loyal Servant Who Speaks Out A Couple Times, i tried my best to think of him as a character that i could give opinions to. letting those opinions take a sharp contrast to dion's was a little scary to do--i think they were scary for him to express as well--but ultimately i really like the scaffold it gives me in the future. apocalypse survival w a random child while all the things you swore to do get forsaken or done by others is Uh, humiliating for a dude w a firm identity & pride in 'service.' im excited for terence pov tbh.

i also enjoyed giving terence a couple shared histories w kihel and dion! it was hard for me to just be like. this is my wheelhouse now and referencing a past that never existed in the game is My Right for the Sake Of Narrative. terence says dion once told him that words stop being useful after a while--an outlook necessary to validate warfare--and i can see it being smth that they had to fall back on to not completely fall to the dissonance of valuing life while just killing for a job.

which anyway square i wanted More ridiculous religion/evil empire/god thinks its rad that we specifically are killing his other children as opposed to them killing us. the nonsense w the cardinals not knowing they were an empire made me a little crazy. greagor seems to exist more as a word to invoke and a flavor in the backseat, so im uh. letting her be relevant. bc i think these boys should have as much propaganda ingrained in their heads as possible. we love flawed justification in this house.

and i figure the dragoons are no more bc dion said he only had a handful of them at ran'dellah. akashic dont leave bodies either, so the pyre terence ordered would have to be for dhalmeks and drgs, making even less of them. i wanted his claim to the throne to be as untenable as possible tbh. he lacks the trust + respect of probably a lot of people bc mad prince, plus hes gonna lose more respect once the ableism starts to kick in. hes depressed and traumatized and fatigued. he has smth like a middle school education (sorry harpocrares). he has no cash on hand. bahamut is gone. aaaaand no more private army! figure it out on ur own, dion.

also im bummed that w no more blessing of light, drgs prob cant jump anymore (i guess??). im absolutely feral over the ideal of terence doing the drg stabby jumpy broody n now he Cant so ty to all the others who fulfill that niche for me. maybe i can 👀 do a flashback.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy again here! i've never talked to a psych (self diagnosed autism) and as a teen i was p sure i had aspd (i Knew shit was strange w me and really wanted an explanation and once i figured out my mix of trauma and autism things made sense) coz lack of remorse and shit but i never actually really matched the rest of it -- i dont have substance abuse issues and never have, im p easily entertained, i've had the same three friends basically my entire life. i do though describe myself as the worlds most boring hedonist coz like yeah i sometimes have a hard time controlling my impulses and im motivated by fun but for me thats usually p simple -- easily entertained. read a book, video games, jump around to music. i AM frequently bored though?? like its my most frequent emotion and ive spent a Long time learning to cultivate my joy and really feel it properly. but im also the most easily excitable person i know. i dunno, i have v large emotions that appear then disappear quite quickly. a favourire hobby of mine since i was a kid has been to start arguments between the ppl i care abt and see how large i could make them in a single session then solve the argument w/o the ppl realising i'd manufactured and egged on the argument. which typing that out now seems uh. an interesting hobby. but late last year i told my younger brother and he laughed coz its a v me thing to do and was like "yo thats fucked. pls stop doing it to me" so since then ive mainly tried to just like playfully tease ppl in a normal way coz cognitively i understand its a fucked thing to do and im trynna be like, a decent person who doesnt go outta my way to play w ppl for funsies. which yeah that uh... maybe i Should look into aspd more again, i did a fairly shallow look into it as a teen and relating to azula as much as i did as a kid (and izaya as an older teen/young adult) was deff a sign of smth

i've followed you on this blog for a while (i think you'd only had it for a couple weeks when i first followed u?) so yeah i did know the story abt u and ur fiance! v cute

i feel like maybe we need a different identifier than "the anon who doesnt have aspd" because that might not be, uh. accurate! i have o clue why a lot of people with aspd seem to congregate around my account but i guess this is an aspd helpline now??????? whuh????

like im not complaining its just. how did i get here

also i think ive deadass used the "worlds most boring hedonist" descriptor for myself before and i deal w chronic boredom the same way you do- i have a LOT of hobbies and i plan elaborate projects and that entertains me but only temporarily

and thats the thing about aspd! it- like every other disorder- is a spectrum. you might not have substance abuse issues, and i do. you did.... your interesting hobby, and i find it morally fucked!* i have no idea your relationship with criminality, and i got fired for stealing

*i have done something similar but i have a moral policy of like, only fucking with people who Deserve It. who deserves what varies case by case and what exactly i do... i need to explain weird spiritual stuff to go in depth andyeah im not really itchin to be called crazy on tumblr dot cum

aspd in general is very misunderstood and no literature really focuses on what its like to have the disorder, only the perceived damage being around someone with the disorder will bring- which is why i initially self diagnosed thru tumblr posts from ppl talking about their symptoms in a serious educative way

sometimes i think like, maybe i don't have aspd, maybe i'm just autistic and i'm spreading misinformation- but i never really felt "at home" with other autistic people. its like- yeah i click better with other autistic people, but i'm still masking, i'm still faking, and even in this situation i can drop the mask partially but not fully. growing up with a personality disorder and trauma in communities largely filled with autistic people with trauma, very quickly teaches you that there's something different about you. it's an isolating, traumatizing feeling- my experience with this was mainly symptoms of npd, but like.... knowing you have a problem, wanting it fixed, and knowing nobody around you knows how deep the problem runs, and might even find its existence laughable or dangerous... it's isolating! and its shitty!!

generally i tend to Know if things i'm doing are bad or not, i just tend to not care in the moment, because it's better than being bored! entertainment wins out over everything. it's actually kind of terrible; i'll do stuff just to see a reaction out of people- it's like izaya, honestly, what happens when people are pushed to their breaking points?

thats kind of how i got so much into angst and psychological horror. not only did i want to break the characters, i wanted to break my audience. i'd tell my friends detailed stories about torture partly because i was interested in my story, mostly because i wanted to see their horrified reactions. i wanted to see how far was "too far," and i keep that stuff in my current narratives- i keep the pov extremely tight and do silly little tricks with narrative and formatting to make the audience feel like they're Really There

so yeah look into aspd. do it boy listen to me im the ps5 im speaking to you inside your brain. do it boy do it

[manicali]

Still bored so Ima just answer them all here

1: Reading, Moving a lot as a kid, idk anything else.

2:

Top is cursive bottom is normal i usually use cursive

3: The lord of the rings trilogy.

4: My brother once said he’d have a kid named Lawnmower John, the second one Jarface and the third You Are Not Better Than My Childhood Cat. Running joke since.

5: Pukicho. I joined tumblr cause of Pinterest screenshots of Pukicho posts.

6: Best is all the new friends I’ve made. Worst is the stupid shit people say.

7: Dying in my sleep and a lack of control

8: Yes and it’s mildly prophetic. Every once in awhile I have a dream that everyone thinks I’m dead. Im near a forest, and there’s a treehouse, with s boy my age in it. We become friends, the dream ends when the trees have eyes. The boy is always different and I always meet him later.

9: Uhhh. I can’t really remember any fun ones just boring shit but apparently my grandfather called that I’d be trans when I was two in front of my religious conservative dad.

10: I try not to be.

11: I don’t know. Whatever you want it to be I guess

12: Literally nobody cares. Do what you want dress how you like nobody gives a shit. If they do that’s just sad, get a life.

13: laying in bed

14: Get more piercings and eventually a tattoo. The first I need to save up for the second I can get once Im 16.

15: Surrounded by cats.

16: I would be emotionally and physically like 20 times stronger. Im weak

17: Friends,My Boyfriend <3 and Cats.

18: Ghosts Im iffy on Extraterrestrials yes. Obviously in the infinite universe there’s other living things. May they be microbes or have a whole society.

19: 0/10 fuck the sun.

20: Stars and quiet and it’s so pretty

21: No.

22: My day is literally 100 times better when I think about you. You’re beautiful and wonderful. I would literally die for you.

23: You’re a hypothetical, lying bitch I would kill you if I could you disgusting wretch. You are a stain on society and I will celebrate your death.

24: Chappel Roan cake.

25: Autumn. Basic I know, but it’s beloved for a damn reason who doesn’t love cozy sweaters, hot beverages and Halloween.

26: Red like blood.

27: Manic, Ali, my last name, bunny, insane person, smart girl.

28: Pens. I have many pens.

29: Make a sandwich and Watch gravity falls.

30: Danny Gonzalez Songs.

31:I want things organized so bad but I’m too lazy.

32: 179

35: No, what kind of idiot puts blind faith in people. I test to see if people are trustworthy.

33: Drawing and being insane

34: Hypocrites. (Ironically I am one cause I tell my friends to take care of themselves and be healthy and then I don’t do that)

36: Walls

37: I’d rather not. (Top of my head can’t think of any)

38: Not Allowed by TV Girl.

39: Danny Gonzalez. Why? Bizzare screenshots.

Like this.

40: Every thing I donis a bad habit

questions I think would be fun to be asked

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

what made you start your blog?

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

what scares you the most and why?

any reacquiring dreams?

tell a story about your childhood

would you say you’re an emotional person?

what do you consider to be romance?

what’s some good advice you want to share?

what are you doing right now?

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

name 3 things that make you happy

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

favourite thing about the day?

favourite things about the night?

are you a spiritual person?

say 3 things about someone you love

say 3 things about someone you hate

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

fave season and why?

fave colour and why?

any nicknames?

do you collect anything?

what do you do when you’re sad?

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

are you messy or organised?

how many tabs do you have open right now?

any hobbies?

any pet peeves?

do you trust easily?

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

share a secret

fave song at the moment?

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

any bad habits?

(this post was stolen from @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak, since it couldn't be reblogged anymore)

[crimsoncold]

Art Update...

aka I'm alive and I really have been making art

So times like this when I have 10+ works in progress I start to feel like I'm pushing myself way too hard to be productive while simultaneously getting absolutely nothing done.

This general sense of frustration/disappointed with myself is made worse since I have...

a) spent several weeks on the road, with minimal opportunity for completing or posting any art (my jonsa Halloween piece was a miracle completed in a single day during a feverish state of a major post trip crash while I binge watched a bunch of horror movies- fanatically determined to speed run my enjoyment of October in the day or two I got to actually celebrate the Halloween season)

And

b) have been facing both miserably cold weather (if I wear any more layers when I go outside I will become so immobile that I'll have to rely on my dogs to pull me through the snow when we go for a walk) , a significant lack of daylight (seriously 4 pm is just an obscenely early time for sunset), and some of the same overarching sense of dread/disappointment in the the state of world that I imagine many others have been feeling

So to once again make this blog my happy space, give everyone an update, to hype myself up to feeling excited about completing/sharing some art- or just to remind myself that I've actually accomplished a lot in the last 4 months despite not having posted much- Im gonna give a brief list of what art I'm nearly finshed/ready to post...

1. First on the menu are some older completed works that I plan to post in the next couple days since i found a bunch of really old (and somewhat obscure) character portraits I did- (back when I was drawing on some old- and now defunct- version of my phone's notes app)

I briefly considered redoing these now that I have access to better digital drawing programs but I actually really like them as is, so that's how I'm going to post them... these are shamelessly self indulgent character portraits from some of my all time favorit book series,

I will be pleasantly shocked if anyone has heard of these characters but I loved making them and seeing them makes me desperately want to reread these series again so I'm genuinely happy about posting them for me and like the 2 other people on this website who know/ love these characters as much as I do (so i guess these portraits will double as book recs? Should i add a brief synopsis of these books to encourage people to check them out or should I just release them into the wild as is?)

2. I have a 90% completed portrait of Sansa with Lady which I just began earlier this week and have made excellent progress on -that I intend to post as soon as I'm finished

(It can be fun to challenge myself to incorporate different things in my art that I struggle with or at least tend to overlook in favour of other elements and as someone who only occasionally has incorporated animals into their work- depressingly the only ones that come to mind have all been the odd memorial portrait of beloved pets that I've made for family members over the years- i was pleasantly satisfied with my attempt in making an animal a major focal point in a fanart pieces.

I'm tentatively interested in doing other stark kids + their direwolves pieces (i know I know its been done countless times but what's the point of participating in fandom if not to dwell on/recreate/transform the same things over and over again for the same group of dedicated weirdos) but that plan will have to take to back seat for a bit while I finish up a different series of asoiaf art...

3. Lastly comes my major project from the last couple if months, a New Stark Family portrait series (this time based on book canon)

Been very in my stark family feels lately, feeling inspired by the many incredible artworks, metas, fanedits, and videos this fandom generates about these characters (because really who doesn't feel like appreciating a deeply loving but still mildly and fascinatingly dysfunctional family or you know having ones heart ripped out over the tragedies befalling an iconic/beloved group of fictional characters)

I have so far failed to get any of this series posted initailly because had decided I wanted them all to be (mostly) finished before I started posting rather than risk abandoning this idea half way (so like holding my completed artwork hostage to motivate me to complete the rest? ldk it made sense at the time).

But then when I had completed all but two of the portraits I abruptly decided that in the future after posting these individual portraits I would of course have to take all the individual sketches and reconfigure them into a single family portrait...which meant rather than simply evaluating each piece individually to decide whether I was satisfied with them/felt they were complete I would now have to compare them to one another as well to see if they would look like they would work next to eachother in the same art piece.

Cue an extra 3 weeks of work while I endlessly fiddled with and reworked their outfits, trying to come up with outfits that resonated with how I pictured northern culture in asoiaf + seemed suitable for a formal portrait of medieval nobility in a fantasy setting, suited each individual character, would also complemented one another once put in the same scene, but also didn't look too matchy (thus reminding me of some of the hilariously awful formal family photos I've seen where everyone looks like they're trying to recreate the sound of music including curtain fabric inspired matching outfits), this part took me almost as long as the initial portraits did- seriously i must have gone through at least 4 different outfits per character

After all this reworking I have finally come up with a decent idea for the outfits and have 7/8 of the portraits essentially completed with just one left to start (its Rickon and he's like a quarter the size of everyone else so surely this won't take me that long? Crossing my fingers)... so hopefully i will be posting these throughout december and can do the group piece some time next year!

[goodtimesyana]

in an attempt to manage my codependency somebody suggested that i make a list of energy muses which is a weirdly derivative and euphemistic way of saying i should make a list of people who i admire and respect but there's nobody i admire or respect so much as seventeen year old yana. i think seventeen was the perfect age for me, because i was young and brilliant, and my youthfulness complimented my brilliance and maturity in a way that was very becoming, i was a virgin girl and i lived with a specific set of romantic delusions where i was convinced that the graduate students and professors i spent the summer doing a writing intensive with all wanted to have sex with me. in retrospect yeah, im sure they did.

seventeen year old yana was the coolest person ever. especially that summer, between writing intensives at a tiny liberal arts college in the appalachian foothills, august reading brautigan on my uncle's boat and listening to the magnetic fields, sneaking white wine and smoking backwoods in the park with my friends. i was writing conservatively five hundred words a day about blackberries and salad greens and most importantly my virginity.

when it comes down to it i really cant shake the feeling that my chastity and precociousness is what made me special, but those aren't the sort of things you can meaningfully bring with you into adulthood without being a little bit insufferable. it's one thing to be seventeen and have a singular voice and to be really bitter about boys not wanting to date you, entirely something else to feel a weird disdain for and dread about sexual competition in your mid-twenties. no longer chic to lie to boys and say i've had sex with seven other people and losing my virginity is really no big deal and that i'm not so interested in connection, i'm just looking to have fun and feel good and enjoy being desired. i guess they're all just pieces of the puzzle.

i'm still childishly fixated on the experience of losing my virginity because it was painful and frightening. i was so convinced that finally having sex was going to be the thing that made me feel grown-up and worthy and changed but it just hurt. it was a rich kid with black hair and he unclasped my bra in front of the window so all of his friends in the courtyard could see my breasts, and they hooted like monkeys, and the truth is that the humiliation was a little bit thrilling. the sex itself just hurt, i didn't want it, i cried and screamed the whole time and in the morning i had to take an emergency contraceptive that i bought with my birthday money. i kept seeing the guy until one night he dosed me with acid while we were laying in the courtyard, and i walked home in my plastic majorette boots sweating all over myself. i couldn't bring myself to consider that my feigned indifference about the whole thing was less about being young and hot and cool but more about lacking the courage to protect myself from what i thought i'd wanted.

so i'll say that sincerely, i've felt a little bit like i've lived in a fugue state since then, and i'll blame it on the hormones, but who knows. i think deep down it has more to do with censuring myself to appease difficult men because i don't know how else to affirm my womanhood. i didn't realize how good i had it and i wanted to live on a man's wall like a deer mount. when i looked at myself i looked with the eyes of a big dumb man, and all i could see was a woman who was deficient in something, sexual savvy.

there is an unimaginable difficulty in finding myself sufficient, but it seems like the most loving option. my life as an adult has become, without my realizing it, a love letter to a seventeen year old girl. i face her in the mirror when i get ready for work, and though she won't admit it, i can sense her quiet fascination with my life, and her pride. with a sense of smugness, she thinks- i'm going to go work the night shift, i'm going to go sling some cards, i'm going to go out drinking at a dive bar, and i'm going to sleep in my own apartment with art from the thrift store. i'm wearing the coolest jewelry anyone has ever seen and on my off days i do big giant paintings and make comics.

[cherrrydragon]

hiya pooks, i wanted to get to know you more so i have a couple fun questions for you that include my personal answers! (i’m an oversharer)

1) fav media of spider-man?

i looooooove ultimate spider-man. i think it’s so over hated because the kids who watched spectacular grew up and were upset the next spider-man show was a kids show and not an adult show made for them. the fact that there just so much room for cameos from all other marvel media really helped me build a love for marvel as a whole. i wouldn’t know half as much marvel lore or characters without it since i never read the comics. (too poor to continuously buy growing up + can’t read comic panels over screen cause bleh. i think it was our first time meeting miles on screen too, which was awesome!)

it showed me who spider-man was at his core, a good person. and that’s what stood out to me. it also showed me that spider-man was super funny and always had a ‘quip’ lol. bonus points for ps4 spidey for being the first game i played of him and into the spider-verse for literally changing animation for the whole world. straight up best movie ever made.

2) fav media of dc?

gotta be the 2022 batman for me. i was so happy they finally got him right on the big screen! it took so long for people to realize that batman is only fear to his enemies, but hope to the people. they also count have picked a better catwoman! and the fact that the riddler is just some guy? mwah, perfection, amazing, incredible!

side rant; everytime i see someone mention how they thiugtt he robert patterson didn’t play a good bruce i wanna scream. how are we lacking so much media literacy nowadays that we can no longer recognize this is before he gets his whole playboy persona. he doenst even have financial stability! he’s literally just learning who he is. there’s deadass a whole scene dedicated to him trying to go into the club as batman and getting turned away vs being welcomed in as bruce and realizing bruce wayne has actual value to fighting crime.

3) fav non live action character?

sam anderson’s nova is so fun! he’s such a sweetiepie. i know earlier i said i don’t read the comics, but i do listen to them. i really wish they would put him in as teen trying his best with the guardians of the galaxy <3

klarion the witch boy is so silly (especially in young justice. his va is perfect for him.) he literally just terrorizes people for funsies. gotta love the lord of chaos and his cat.

hi hi! i just wanna preface this by saying a lot of media im a fan of i havent actually watch/read/played just because i cant truly sit down and consume content like i used to when i was younger. literally yesterday i watched the second deadpool movie after like, maybe 2 years since watching the first one (and i probably wouldnt have watched it if the new dp and wolverine movie didnt come out LOL) so i can't really answer these as efficiently as id like but ill try my best

fav media of spider-man?

before it would've been mcu spiderman simply because i havent watched the raimi or amazing spiderman ones, but now without a doubt i can say the spiderverse movies are my fav ones! all movies are pieces of art, but the spiderverse movies are truly by and for art kids. the animation and art is beautiful and i think the way it so artistically connects all things spider-man is really cool.

2. fav media of dc?

so... the last time i watched any dc media was when i was way younger LOL. i distinctly remember watching dc super hero girls, justice league unlimited, the flash (tv) and i think arrow (tv)? but like i said, i was young and don't remember much. ive seen from numerous people that the dc timeline is kind of a mess and that + the fact that there's so much content is what's keeping me from consuming it now. on the topic of batman 2022 there's literally nothing stopping me from watching it but i havent LOL i just cant sit down and watch it. i think the brainrot got to me rip.

i think what stops me from consuming content is the fact that i become a fan of it without actually participating. i read so much fanfic that i learn the plot of things through there, and because i already know what happens i dont desire to spend time and take it in. i might be cooked ngl. but anyway, no official favorite dc media from me

3. fav non live action character?

dude theres like way to many to name but one that comes to mind immediately is black cat (i dont think she's been in any live action from marvel yet?) something about those cat burglars man... LOL. i know this doesn't really count but i really like her portrayal in "Dark Matter" by mysterycyclone on ao3 (and amazing peter parker in gotham fic, highly recommend) i truly love the idea of the thief becoming friends with their crimestopper, because like catwoman, they aren't really hurting anybody (at least, from what ive seen)

as for dc... like i said i have not consumed enough media to pick LOL my bad 💔