#im terrified of dying

[mementomori143]

What the fuck am I going to do after high school? Die? What else am I supposed to do??

[javierduffy]

but when they're out on that river bank alone, what javier should be loyal to doesn't feel as confusing anymore

[tubbytarchia]

I know your main is smallidarity but what are your thoughts on smalletho? Asking because I'm smalletho main but all the stuff you smallidarity fans create is so lovely that I know ship them too. Wondering what it's like for you guys. Have a nice day!

HIII I like Smalletho!! But you might not be a fan of how I regard it personally haha. To be honest I'm a little bit terrified of smalletho fans because of the specimens I have encountered and heard of so please don't burn me at stake...

I primarily view it as mostly one-sided. This makes more sense if you know of my thoughts about Joel being closeted and combative/troubled at the idea of being into men. He's been weird about Jimmy for a damn long time but he's never enacted on those feelings past jokes he proclaims not to be taken seriously. And then he's put together with this Etho guy in DL, soulbound to him, and because he's all weird he develops a crush and acts more questionably around him and more impulsively in general. And I think Etho would have picked up on it but he's. Etho. His response to everything is oh snap

Etho did do a callback during SL as if he were reminiscing, and he engaged with the "neck kisses" bit and some other less egregious ones, but Joel draws much more attention to Etho and the obsession claims. In fact the neck kisses thing started with Jimmy and yet Joel attached it entirely to Etho and comments on it either to make Etho sound weird or to make a slightly more rowdy joke than usual (Joel is plenty weird with his homoerotic jokes but this one is notably more intimate in a physical sense, as opposed to emotional. Not even the babymaking in ESMP2 compares because he acted like a clown who's never heard of sex before for those). Hmm strange behavior to have chosen to do that... I think Joel's become less insane and mostly gotten over his crush but clearly still likes Etho and Etho likes him too, but in a less weird way. His regard for their relationship to me is so well exemplified by the interaction where Jimmy went "Joel called me babe earlier" to try and prod him and Etho gives the most nonchalant "oh snap" known to man in response. He loves a little tomfoolery though so he entertains the banter

Joel just imo acts so weird about him half the time and then completely deadpan the rest of the time, compared to Jimmy who he has also been really weird about but also grown more comfortable with (but only very slightly because he is a loser) in regards to his feelings. I just think contrasting them brings out my reasoning better haha. I like smalletho as a ship in general and I really like their dynamic, but Etho in more of a mentor role (not that he's teaching much of anything but the experience Joel had with him has probably helped Joel become less homophobic about himself). It's similar to what I also really like about Bdubs and Joel, where I'm not sure I really see it as a romantic dynamic but they're definitely not normal about each other by any stretch of the imagination

[markusizdumb61]

THEYRE EXPRESSIONS ARE SO FUNNY HELP ME

[calamitoustide]

just thought of a jegulus they both die at the end au and suddenly I'm thirteen again

[a-whiff-of-a-dream]

alright this has been sitting in my mind ever since i first heard it a few days ago, but what Emmrich says about his fear of death in his first scene? It hit differently. Im gonna elaborate underneath the cut.

(also this might be too much personal info for some, but anyways)

'Thats when I discovered I possess a great terror of dying' is putting something I have felt for close to 3 years now so... precisely into words.

I have spend so much trying to find words for this feeling, for this fear, and have not yet managed to communicate it with anyone really so far, because the words have just... not been there.

'It goes beyond dread. It cant be reasoned with or soothed over. It comes without warning, in the dead of night, in sunlit streets. A raw, strangling fear, struck somewhere deep past the heart.'

It hides behind every corner of your life. You can go on with your day like any other person, you can be alone at home or out with friends, seeing the world, and suddenly youre hit with this 'someday it wont matter anymore and you wont feel this feeling and never smell the air again' and you cant outrun it.

Its something you cant change, something maybe not even worth mentioning because there is no way out anyways, so why bother and try to find a reason within it, when there is non to begin with?

'Oddly, I discovered I wasnt alone. I debated this fear with friends, I argued with teachers... Yet... It lingered.'

Others might feel the same, and yes its comforting to a degree, but still it wont make it go away. It wont make it better or unbearable somehow. Because its unreasonable. You know it is. Thats why Ive burried it so deep within me and try not to spiral into despair when these thoughts occure.

I am not really sure where I am heading with this but I guess I needed to get these thoughts out into the world somehow. Because hearing this, having it put into words so nicely? It helped. It made me shiver and it has lingered in my head for a while now, but it also gave me words for something I have not yet come around wording myself.

[homeofhousechickens]

I talked to the vet about scheduling Blues euthanasia appointment and about getting Greenie in sometime next month after I get paid to get a new implant. She is an older bird now so she naturally doesn't lay a ton of eggs anymore but her reprpductive issues are starting to bother her and unlike Blue her mass is controlled and shrunk by the impant.

[bunnieswithknives]

sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all

My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.

[i-aint-got-santa-fe]

IM IN BUSCH GARDENS FOR A FIELD TRIP AND IM TERRIFIED OF ROLLERCOASTERS AND BIG RIDES BUT MY FRIEND WANTED ME TO GO ON ONE SO BEFORE WE STARTED I STARTED SINGING CARRYING THE BANNER AND THEN ONCE IT STARTED I STARTED GRIPPING MY BEST FRIENDS HAND RLLY TIGHT AND SPEWING RANDOM FACTS ABOUT JEREMY JORDAN AND STILL SINGING CARRYING THE BANNER 💀💀💀💀💀💀

Pretty sure people stared at me like I was crazy but it HELPED??????

[laesas]

I don't know how much more explicit the message of "THIS IS GROOMING" could have been without Be On Cloud superimposing it in all-caps text over every one of Non and his teacher's scenes. People interpreting that as "cheating" are cracked in the fucking head.

[paging-possum]

Like it’s soooo easy to fall into despair and just assume something is fundamentally wrong and idk man sometimes you are just working with different pieces than everyone else and it sucks! But also sometimes you have to grit your teeth and figure out what the root of the problem is and what you yourself can do to improve it and it’s also going to be soooo easy to think of the solutions as big and daunting and impossible which is why you have to break it down AGAIN and figure out the smallest and most tangible ways to work towards it possible. Like who gives a fuck if your goal is just text one person a day that’s still SOMETHING, and if you keep doing it then maybe someday it won’t be as scary!! Maybe it’s writing for five minutes a day or maybe you start by asking people if they want to hang out and study for an afternoon or maybe you try eating an extra piece of fruit every few days i don’t freaking know but sometimes it really is just about doing something small and manageable over nothing at all and letting it build up. Idk. I’m just some guy who tries to talk in a discord server every day

[seilon]

aughgsgghhhh you’re telling me. in his final moments. in what would otherwise be complete agony and loneliness until the bitter end. charles succumbed to his injuries peacefully falling asleep to the sound of edwin’s voice reading him a story. you’re telling me. oh god. oh fuck

[widevibratobitch]

i should get off tumblr and do something with my life. starting tomorrow ofc.

[stinkrascal]

trying to make a drs appointment only to be told the soonest opening is at the end of april 😀

[miiiwu]

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