#im tagging neil because funny

[sloop-goop]

Tagged by the silly @taliscat !!

Nickname: Goop!

Sign: Taurus

Recently googled: Adventures in Wonderland

Song stuck in my head: Diamond Dogs by David Bowie

Followers: 17!!

Amount of sleep last night: 7 hours I believe?

Lucky number: 3

Dream job: freelance illustrator or storyboard. But would love to own a small toy shop when I'm much older

Wearing: grey hoodie with some beat up pajama pants

Books/movies that summarize me: Gremlins, Return to Oz, and The Lego Movie

Favorite song: Spring Heeled Jack by Lemon Demon

Aesthethic: idk?? But it involves legos, clowns, animatronics, doll houses, furbys, and pop up books :]

Favorite author: L. Frank Baum

Favorite animal noises: mourning doves and budgies!!

Random: In the original script of The Suicide Squad ratcatcher 2 was supposed to die and have polka dot man live

Tagging: @finniestoncrane @neilcicierega @thedogeverr @shoottthesun (sorry if you've been tagged already!)

[nordegrafz]

i keep thinking abt this img where that very much looks like one of stephens shirts and i think it would be funny if it was but i think its still when neils pissed at everyone does he just steal stephens shirts when hes mad at him

[transexuality]

scott pilgrim takes off was good but i have my issues with it... from eps 1-5 i loved it & its perfect

[neosatsuma]

if I see one more post about the good omens leak/not leak im gonna lose it

[everwizard]

I'm sorry,,,, I'm failing to see what is "Relaxing ASMR Bedtime Story" about Coraline. The children's horror novel? The one that that little girl lied and said she wasn't afraid of, thus resulting in it being published and unleashed upon all the other children in the world? THAT Coraline???

[themaxbox]

SO im not into aftg I have not read aftg I follow the tag and reblog fan art because I am a fan of that fandom almost? Yall are just some of the most funny and talented people I've ever seen i love experiencing these sports mafia books second hand.

Here's what I know from the outside looking in:

Neil Josten- A fake name? His real name in every way that matters I think? Mafia family ties. Boy on the run. Dating Andrew Minyard(?). You can tell who he is in art because he's got reddish brown hair and face scars.

Andrew Minyard(?) - thats his last name, right? Short blonde and looks angry a lot of the time. Arm warmers are plot relevant cause hes hiding scars. Has had a REALLY bad childhood but idk if its mafia related or not??? Dating Neil.

Aaron Minyard(?)- Andrew's twin thats all I know

Jean and Kevin - Unclear who they are I was just already following the tag when Sunshine Court was announced so I see their names together a lot. Are they in love?

Renee- the one with rainbow dip dyed hair in fan art. All I know is people love her.

Riko- A name I have seen

Exy- Fake sport. Under the impression its a contact sport but I am realizing that these character might just be violent people??? Is it tackle lacross or did I make that up????

Thats all I got boys. Whats with the face tattoos? How many of these people actually have mafia ties? Idk how many people will see this but please infodump in the tags/notes. I would love a character cheat sheet so I understand more fan art but also just tell me anything about these freaks (affectionate).

[tonydaddingham]

I mean, sometimes an oxrib *is* just an oxrib. Like to me! The oxrib's an oxrib not a sexual metaphor and almost any other response to looking for a receptive body could've been just *so* bad. 😆 Not mutually exclusive! 😁

mhm, and i completely agree!💕 right so im gonna take this a little seriously for a moment, because im a bit worried that i might have caused offence (tone reading is really not my strong suit).

look, im not at all disputing that the text is positing that the ox-rib scene is literally a depiction of a) aziraphale being tempted for the first time, b) that temptation being to enjoy an earthly pleasure (that pleasure being food), and c) it's the/at least one origin of one of the most compelling and identifiable aspects of aziraphale's characterisation as we know it in modern day. what the text says, alone, has multiple layers of symbolism, and i do think they bear their own weight without any sexual filter placed upon it. 100%, the ox-rib is quite literally, sometimes, just an ox-rib.

equally, what i am saying is that i think that there is a justifiable interpretation of sexual subtext in it, also. im not saying that's the only interpretation (like i said in the tags of the previous ask - not at all the only one) nor am i saying it's the correct one, but i think it's one that is persuasive on its own merit. so, when i joked about neil with his "just an ox-rib" tag, im saying whilst - yes - that may not be the text, he's clearly able to recognise innuendo/sexual subtones by nature of his avoidance of it for crowley's line in s1. hence, i simply found it funny that his response from that ox-rib ask, and the corresponding tag, implied that the subtone was not there at all in the job minisode.

i get why he might not confirm the sexual undertone, if he does in fact recognise that there is one. im literally just having a laugh about it, and i maybe thought that had been a bit more obvious than it was. in any case, well - maybe he didn't recognise that subtext, or thinks that particular interpretation is perhaps a bit contrived. maybe he did recognise it, but didn't want to confirm it as to not invalidate or dismiss anyone's - or any community's - interpretation of the scene/minisode as a whole (which i think is the more likely and imo, in all seriousness, is the best way to have responded to that ask to ensure all hcs/interpretations can be considered valid because... well, they are all valid). or maybe he's just fucking about in general because he can. any road, i do recognise the text of the scene without the sexual filter on it... i just thought the situation was funny 💕

[garpond]

its almost been 3 dumbass years since i joined the neil tumblr ecosystem and i get worse with each one but i do want to say i think its really funny that im still here. i went into this thinking it would be like a 3-4 month fixation at the very most but now its just like. terminal and i cant stop. im still making these fucking posts, typing these tags. i watch the people around me change and explore and i do not follow their example because i have a job to do. im like when theres an old as shit grain company from the 1920s that hasnt grown or diversified at all and peoplea re like damn they're still making grain? and their slogan is like Est. 1920. We Are Still Making Grain.

[fipindustries]

tagged by @st-justt-just these are always an issue for me because i dont have a "Playlist" of any kind, i just let youtube put together playlists on my recomendations page so with that in mind, lets see what comes up.

Bradinsky on violin - [tetris tengen] by bradis fuller - funny thing about this, you may hear it and think "ah yes, a song inspired by classical russian folk music". in reality is a fully original song made by the composer. hence the BRAD-insky.

Ya te vas a mejorar (speed up) - el cuarteto de nos - i like this version of the song about a guy who gets brain damage and becomes a chainsaw murderous maniac over the original. is not quite nightcore but its certainly more energetic.

Aikendrum - Ewan Maccoll - i got this out of a cute webcomic about jekyll and hyde. i have no idea what this song is about but i sure do love the scottishness of it all. aikendrum aikendrum is a great catchphrase.

As your father i expressly forbit it - Neil cicierega - the theme of this song is so weird for a neil cicierega song. is about such a intimate, mundane topic and the double punch of this and earn my life is actually kind of brutal to hear in spirit phone.

Noches de boda - Joaquin sabina - i fucking love the intro of this song by chavela vargas, i remember when i first heard this song i thought it was some old guy but no it was one of the most famous female singers from mexico. as an argentinian there is something delightful about hearing a spaniard and a mexican singing together like old friends. great fucking song to sing drunk out of your ass at 4 in the morning

El cisne que ladra - maria elena walsh - my love for children songs continues undaunted, specially the songs by elena walsh. there is something very otherverse about this song in particular because its about a thieving swan who goes to a lake one night and steals a treasure hidden in that lake. then the next morning when the sun comes out you cant see the treasure anymore because the swan stole it but it turns out the treasure were the night stars being reflected on the lake, its just so beautifully poetic

California heaven [mashup of california girls by kathy perry and heaven by envy, plus a bunch of other songs] - Jason rollins - i just discovered this guy a few weeks ago because he just started doing this a few months ago and he turned out to be such an incredibly strong entry in the genre of weird, deep fried, dense mashups. i highly reccomend to listen to the rest of his channel

Octopus garden -the beatles - i saw a documentary about why the beatles broke up recently and knowing that this song was composed by ringo as the team was going through deep tensions and fights about to separate makes this song so much more heartbreaking. ringo just wanted for him and his friends to get along and be happy on an octopus garden beneath the sea. jesus dude, me too.

Desaparecido - Manu chao - weirdly political song for what i usually listen to. a song about the experience of illegal immigrants living in the united states without papers. one funny thing about manu chao is that he is famous for many spanish songs that talk about the hardships of the latin american experience and the guy is fucking french. i genuenly could not have been able to tell just from listening to him.

Brindo por las mujeres - Los rodrigez - just a fantastic song by one of my favourite singers from my country, andres calamero. another great fucking drinking song to yell drunk off your ass with friends at 4 in the morning and frankly a great way to end this list

honestly i am rather proud of how incredibly ecclectic is this list, i think this is a pretty good crossection of the wide range of my musical tastes

im tagging @not-terezi-pyrope @ericvilas and @mrcatfishing

[carmenized-onions]

reading this chapter was truly an emotional journey for me - i wrote a page of notes while reading that are completely incoherent but i will recount here anyway

firstly, of course chip is a pun girly we have known this forever, but every time she makes a joke i laugh out loud like yes you are so funny

my next focus was him forgetting to turn his location off - i hear the black dog by taylor swift playing in the background. i need this girl and this boy to realise that neither of them hate eachother because this cat and mouse game is getting on my nerves (in the best way no offence to you author)

wondering why i wasn’t invited on the richie carmen road trip - mainly because i want to hear their conversations and secondly because it would be the perfect opportunity for a tag team

as soon as i read the bit about the chance that they would interact being low i thought ,,,, ooo this will be disproved by our favourite author extraordinaire and i was right!

random request but can we have a christmas / holiday themed chapter i just want to see all the presents chip gives out i love her

also enjoying the use of kitchen as a verb when talking about richie being bad at kitchen - it’s giving ken’s job being beach in the barbie movie

thankful that you gave us some sydney/chip moments and some richie/sydney/chip moments plus some marcus later as i don’t know if i could have handled this chapter without seeing my babies having a sliver of joy for at least a couple of lines

i could be completely off base with this but was the reference to cherries when chip talks about carmen doing her prep an intentional callback to her favourite ice cream flavour? i could be majorly reading into it but if im right you are a genius and if im not you are still a genius without even knowing it

the knife tattoo being the hand she focuses on is a metaphor a mother figure english teacher should explain to me, but i am too tired to fully comprehend the meaning of this right now

sorry but who puts their wedding cake in an uber, creds to marcus for saving the day my small boy

i can’t even explain the neil fak moment but it is so fucking classic for him to misread a situation SO SEVERELY, i wish this was an actual scene because i need to physically see the facial expressions

and then we get to uncle lee. i had to put my phone down when carmen said his name, genuinely i let out a singular clap. we have never seen chip like this and i don’t know if we ever will again. this interaction consolidated the chip being a sponsor theory for me as it is so clear that she cannot stand the way people talk about drugs and addiction - especially regarding mikey

a callback to the italians loving their unions, you love to see it

i wrote very minimal notes on the carmy chip interaction at the end of the scene as there is really nothing for me to comment on except for how beautifully you wrote it. it is so peaceful but so angry i don’t know how you manage to do this every time. such a great reveal (despite the theories) as it did feel like a suprise to me still!!!

amazing work once again, i am sorry if this is completely incoherent i dont know how else to say this hahha

I DID GET THIS ASK!! I just took ten years to get to it, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE LOVE!! It's all coherent dw let's fuckin LOCK IN!!!

list format let's fucking go

I remember when I first read this (the pun thing) it really had me kicking my feet because it just sounds like-- Like when a girl will laugh at fucking anything someone she has a crush on says. everyone be honest do you have a crush on tony? I'm moving the keep reading down so everyone legally has to answer.

AND THE LIST RESETS BUT IF I SIMPLY JUST PRESS ENTER ITS LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED

I'm not a huge taylor girl but I will put it on in the background as I write the rest of this answer lets fuckin goo. These two really needed the under the counter talk we were TIRED

LMAO So many people wanted to come to that road trip-- You all dodged a bullet. Also so did I. because i didn't want to have to figure out how it would've gone. that sounds like so much work and i just wanted to have cute wedding time. sometimes we do time skips because we just want to have cute wedding time and no one admits this

of course it'd be disproved!! and

SHHHHHH you babies always be making requests, I DONT PUT GUNS IN THE FIRST ACT FOR NOTHING YOU KNOW ME!! but SHHHH!!!

he SUCKS at kitchen! Sometimes I use terms as verbs because it seems like how kitchens do things and i want everyone to think i know what it's like to work in service and i'm NOT just googling it and asking my bartending/server/linecook friends how it is. that's definitely NOT what's happening

ive said it a million times, who really cares about this carmen guy in this carmen fic. it's all about literally everyone else.

100% it's a call back! I reference cherries honestly more than i could ever expect. it's the flavour of the series now.

The knife tattoo thing though that was just me and my thing with hands. i have a thing with hands. so canonically tony also has a thing with hands. she just thought he was hot. but also about referencing it twice i did think-- or i guess wrote it-- i just think it's interesting how Carmen put his hand on her mouth and then ran that same hand through his scalp. just think thats interesting. just. thats something huh? or this could mean nothing

YOU'D BE SURPRISED I'VE HEARD HORROR STORIES OF PEOPLE HAVING THEIR CAKES DELIVERED BY UBER THINKING IT'LL BE SAFER THAN GETTING IT THEMSELVES AND THEY EAT SHIT ON THE WAY OVER

I wish so deeply I was a writer or director on the bear and could film this man. MATTY!! MATTY ARE YOU OUT THERE!!? HIRE ME BABY PLEASE?!?!?! I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR IT AND EVERYTHING COME ON!

Putting the phone down I think I've heard is one of the highest honours one can achieve? I've been told. AND A CLAP!? Let's fucking go. I won. I won boys! I can't think of a moment in which we will ever see Chip get this particularly hyphy-- Not to say she won't get mad in the future, but this was a very specific type of mad. genuinely if this wedding wasn't a lovely wedding it would've been so over.

The Union Italians scene was so much longer in the original version in my brain-- But I condensed it upon writing because it didn't really add much. But it was essentially gonna be Tony tired and then while ordering they look at her and go "wait,,, have you taken a break?" :( "no" "WHAT??? KNOW YOUR FUCKING RIGHTS!!!!"

This makes me so happy that I nailed that feeling, I was worried honestly that it was too peaceful? But that peaceful sort of like tempered anger is exactly what I was trying to go for. Like we're trying to problem solve and it's all kind of funny but I am still so mad.

AND ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS I EAT EM FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER LOVE YOU!! I hope you love the next chapter it's a fucking DOOZY that I honestly think is going to throw everyone for a fucking loop. I'm so excited to see immediate reactions as they come through.

[mostlymaudlin]

Top 5 vs Personal 5

List your top 5 fics ranked by kudos on AO3. are you surprised by what's most popular to your readers? then provide your ranking of your personal top 5 fics, and tag a few fellow writers!

ty for the tag @sillyunicorn :D this is cute and also interesting. i tag @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade @fortheloveofexy @nanatsuyu @justadreamfox @jaydreams @halfpintpeach

im actually going to do my Personal 5 first because that's what i want above the read more cut 😂 no one is escaping looking at my babies.

Thorns (E), 18k, andreil // a post-canon fic where andrew and neil cope with doing a long distance relationship when u both have fatal levels of attachment issues lol. i spent a stupid long time on this fic for the word count, but there is love in every single word. i like this universe bc it's what i want for post-canon andreil. no one gave them the tools for this shit, but i love the idea that they will always figure out how to be together, even if its messy.

No Turning Back (E), 31k, andreil // this is perhaps recency bias, but i think this is the best thing ive ever written. i have a hard time summarizing it.. but it's an au where the conflict is almost entirely in andrew's head, which of course means he Causes Many Problems. i actually built this fic out from Andrew's fucked up internal journey, which was cool for me -- like, the main plot was developed to fit his character arc. i think that's probably not rocket science or unique but it was my first time doing it that way!

We Can Live Forever (T), 46k, andreil // i used to not like hs aus and then i wrote a huge one lol. its childhood best friends-lovers, and centered on this ridiculous lip sync serenade fundraiser ?? i made them all dance. a lot. sometimes its serious, but its mostly very silly. i wrote it w the intention of giving people that "read until 4am screaming into ur pillow bc cute aggression" feeling that so many fics have given me, and the feedback ive gotten implies ive succeeded, so im rly proud of that!!

Stoner AU (E), 21k, snowbaz // i'm cheating a bit because this is a series, but i almost consider this thing to be like a collection of sitcom episodes lol. it's a normal au, simon is a weed guy and baz buys from him and also falls in love w him. theres a lot of penny and shep and its all just very FUNNY imo. and they are all so fucking devoted to each other in kind of unhinged ways. i love rereading these fics.

I'll Come Back To You (T), 6.9k, andreil // ok, for 1: that's the exact word count. every time i fix typos on rereads i have to edit it to preserve the wc. but 2: this fic is Not Silly or Smutty LOL. it's probably my plottiest/most serious fic in some ways -- it deals w, like, multiple dimensions ?? and amnesia. and loneliness. i'm proud of the ambiguity, because i tend to be a writer that punches you in the face with The Theme. this one leaves a lot for the reader to figure out (to the dissatisfaction of some commenters lol), but i like that you have to think about it a bit.

ok, AO3 Top 5 under the cut!

all of these are andreil, because aftg fandom is a lot bigger than carry on </3.

boyfriend privileges (T), 4k // i should not have been surprised that this did the numbers, but i was kind of shook when my ao3 inbox blew up like never before. it's fanfic catnip -- a 5+1 post-canon with resolvable angst interspersed with soft moments. i wrote it in like 2 days and didn't edit, and aint that just the way of ao3 lol.

flashes of intimacy (T), 7k // this is a series of fifteen <500 word fics that i add to pretty often, so it also makes sense that it's got a lot of readers! ive always been proud of my ability to write short, so it makes me happy that it's up here. it wld probs be #6 on my personal rating.

Inside Thoughts (T), 1.5k // andrew gets his wisdom teeth out and is a goober about it. one of my first aftg fics -- i think it's up here bc it's almost a year old. i am not passionate abt it tbh, i wrote it kind of as a joke one night while i was high lmfao

Do Not Disturb (T), 2k // another of my first aftg fics that i kind of dont care much about hahaha. it's another catnip situation, a post-canon moment where neil panics & unconsciously calls andrew, similarly to how he does in canon. and then they r soft <3

Tequila Sunrise (M), 4k // i know people love this one -- it's also my most bookmarked. it's fun!! drunk neil!! but i almost can't read it anymore lol. there's some prose im proud of in there, but there's also some lazy characterization choices i made bc i had no idea it would get so many hits. its hard for me as the Characterization Guy to reconcile that hahaha.

ok as usual that was long-winded as hell. i love 2 talk abt writing :) also i feel bad 4 the lack of snowbaz representation here lol, but i think that i'm 1. better at writing andreil and 2. have gotten a lot better at writing while i was unemployed the last few months. i think a lot abt taking snowbaz for another whirl now, but consider: then i wouldn't get to write abt Andrew Minyard :(

[tweeterwilbury]

@planetwaving tagged me to answer some questions (thank you!!!!)

I wont be tagging anyone because i never know who to tag, so if anyone seeing this wants to answer the questions too, feel free to do it !!☺️

fave colour: BLUEEEEEEE and silver!! Especially dark blue

last song: out on the weekend by neil young :))

currently reading: nothing at the moment tbh. I stopped all my readings one or two months ago for some reason (it probably was the adhd. Usually it is the adhd.)

currently watching: WELL i started interview with the vampire sometime ago but i havent even started the second episode yet because i forgot about it. AAANDDD im watching the new doctor who episodes as they are released too!

currently craving: MANY THINGS. The main one is açaí. I neeeeeeeeeed a bowl of açaí right now. I ate it on last week but it wasnt enough. Also a hot dog would be good but i really want a bowl of açaí which is funny because it's cold now. And açaí is better when it's hot.

coffee or tea: tea. I dont like coffee, except for cappuccinos, but i dont drink neither of them usually😭. I usually always take one or two cups of chocolate milk everyday, tho!

[ellies-enrichment]

Hi I saw your tags about wanting Neil to be far away from involvement if there ever to be a tlou 3 and I was curious why?

oh no he can totally be involved it was just a joke because he keeps killing characters i like and i need him to keep his evil head away from ellie before he gets any funny ideas. im not taking him away from tlou im stealing his main character and hiding her in a closet

im stealing tommy too

it's all lighthearted though

[let-it-rip-bear]

Any fic recs? :)

oh yes

an unorganized list of The Bear fic recs; most are gen just cuz im not a big shipper

nighthawks (5131 words) by arbitrarily Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sydney Adamu & Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Sydney Adamu, Richard "Richie" Jerimovich, Marcus (The Bear TV 2022), Neil Fak, Tina (The Bear TV 2022), Gary "Sweeps" Woods Additional Tags: Character Study, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Season/Series 01, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Canonical Character Death, Unresolved Romantic Tension Summary:

The work continues; the work begins.

Sunday Special (2073 words) by LearnedFoot Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sydney Adamu & Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Sydney Adamu & Richard "Richie" Jerimovich Characters: Sydney Adamu, Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Richard "Richie" Jerimovich Additional Tags: other characters make appearances too, Friendship, Found Family, Christmas, Post-Canon Summary:

The Bear stays open for Christmas.

the trap (5957 words) by bartonbones (@bartonbones) Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto, NYC Chef Additional Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, a meager attempt to supply some h/c in this ao3 tag bc im getting desperate, Minor Injuries, Verbal Abuse, im legally required to tell you to not do the first aid depicted in this fanfiction, One Shot Summary:

You need to fucking be better at this, Chef says.

Yes, chef, he says.

Get better at this.

Yes, chef.

Calling out orders. Hands. Plating with tweezers and holding his breath. Wiping plates. It’s funny because before this, he’d think that it's a mistake you’d only make one time. He’d think getting shoved and screamed at and sent home to shake apart and wonder if you’re wasting years on your life on a thing you fucking suck at would be enough to remind you not to forget to wipe a plate again, but the truth is that it’s not, that nothing is, the truth is that it’s a fucking trap. He’s always going to forget something again.

OR: How Carmy got that scar on his hand.

I Cannot Put My Thumb On When I Went So Numb (1517 words) by neonsandwich Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Richard "Richie" Jerimovich Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Richard "Richie" Jerimovich, Michael "Mikey" Berzatto (Mentioned) Additional Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide Summary:

Carmen’s meds stopped working.

Carmen had known that for weeks, months even. His meds had been steadily decreasing in effectiveness for a while, but there was always something more pressing going on in his life than trying to schedule an appointment with his doctor, much less enter the process of trying to find a new antidepressant and dealing with the potential side effects from that. Carmen would just deal with the dread and extra self loathing at night and maybe the occasional suicidal thought. It wasn’t like he was going to act on those thoughts anyway, not after Mikey.

he said only sundown, sundays, christmas (2117 words) by hyacinthdreams Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Sydney Adamu, Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto, Richard "Richie" Jerimovich, Michael "Mikey" Berzatto Additional Tags: implications/references to suicide, implications/references to ptsd/grief, Dysfunctional Family, Character Study, No Beta, the Berzatto family, Atheist Character Summary:

carmen berzatto somehow screwed over the guardian angels in his life enough that he was going to a wedding, a funeral and a kid's birthday party all in one week, (bad things only came in cases of three or some shit like that, right?) all while trying to make sure his restaurant didn't go up in literal and metaphorical flames.

or

a study in carmy

ghosts and empty sockets (20510 words) by bartonbones Chapters: 4/4 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto, Sydney Adamu & Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Michael "Mikey" Berzatto Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto, Sydney Adamu Additional Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sibling Love, Found Family, Nightmares, Eating Disorders, sort of...mostly just whatever carmy's got going on with his stomach issues, Self-Esteem Issues, look. he's a miserable little guy and it's my job to write about the misery of little guys, Grief/Mourning, shrimp boy carmy real, pre carmen/sydney if you squint, a lot of handwaving over timeline and career details dont acknowledge it pls, Yearning Summary:

"Again, their breath moves together, only instead of a sigh of relief it holds still, caught in their throats. They seem to both acknowledge a door half-open, a window just cracked. Sometimes it’s like this—working on the Bear, talking about Mikey when they have to, when they mention the money or the inspiration or the afternoons Carmen has to plan around in order to attend the AL meetings.

They are always on the edge of talking about it. Sometimes Carm feels it like a lighter, finger pressed down flat, letting all the gas out, never making a spark. It never catches, it never burns, but it’s there, fucking up the ozone layer or some shit like that. He’s always fucking up something."

OR: After months of hard work, The Bear is nearing opening, with a inaugural write-up in the Tribune to go with it. The only problem is: Carmy can't talk about the restaurant without talking about Mikey, and he can't talk about Mikey without talking about himself.

Close Enough (1678 words) by bloodinthecut Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Richard "Richie" Jerimovich Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Richard "Richie" Jerimovich Additional Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Takes place after ep 8, Carmy is Not Okay, And we love to see it acknowledged Summary:

Richie is in the passenger seat. This is not by Carmy’s choice.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you skippin’ family, again,” he said as they finally closed up, chucking his keys at Carmy’s head and barely missing his eye. “You’re driving. I can’t get caught up in any more shit after that assault nonsense.”

In which Richie confronts Carmy after everything.

Salve: something that soothes or consoles (20764 words) by ouroboros_ontology (@eroticwound) Chapters: 6/? Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Richard "Richie" Jerimovich, Sydney Adamu & Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Richard "Richie" Jerimovich, Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto, Sydney Adamu, Michael "Mikey" Berzatto, always haunting the narrative tbqh, mrs. berzatto, Marcus (The Bear TV 2022), Pete (The Bear TV 2022) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dissociation, Hand injury, Grief, carmy is the boy on fire of my dreams, Multiple Perspectives, Angst, Post-Finale, Touch-Starved, Burns, Emetophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, corpse description, Canon-typical Cursing Summary:

Despite the money in the cans, Carm's still been off. Worse, maybe.

Or an accident in the kitchen puts everyone on the same page.

Yes, Chef/No, Chef (4991 words) by WatchMyFavesSuffer Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, New York Chef (The Bear TV 2022), Richard "Richie" Jerimovich, Michael "Mikey" Berzatto Additional Tags: Angst, Panic Attacks, Emetophobia, Verbal Abuse, Cooking, The French Brigade System, Fine Dining, Self-Esteem Issues, maybe hints of eating disorder (depending on how you look at the vomiting thing), mild body horror (in carmy's head), Perfectionism, black swan vibes, Whiplash (2014) vibes, Pre-Canon, Noma era, author watches a lot of cooking shows Summary:

“What the fuck is this?”

“Grilled branzino, Chef.”

“Wrong. This is dogshit.”

“Yes, Chef.”

Noma-era flashback, feat. abusive head chef, heavy Carmy angst, and a lot of kitchen jargon.

Bear Market Blue (4094 words) by threesmallcrows Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sydney Adamu/Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto Characters: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Sydney Adamu Additional Tags: Eating Disorders, Past Sexual Abuse, Depression, Carmen "I'm straight up not having a good time" Berzatto, Character Study, Anxiety Summary:

In the intake room, he says to the nurse, “I mean I work in a kitchen for chrissake. I eat all the goddamn time.”

[kairospy]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @moondal514 (im a bit late my bad)

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

4

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

37,248

3. What fandoms do you write for?

All for the Game is my bread and butter, but i did write one for the Marauders

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

it takes two(but you and i are one) (AFTG / 13.6K) - the dynamic between neil, abram and nathaniel, delving a bit into the DSM-V because i am pedantic and a psych student

the ticking of a heart (AFTG / 5.3K) - andreil after a bad episode. hurt/comfort

genesis' wane (AFTG / 9.5K) - the twinyards

Owl Light (Marauders / 8.6K) - wolfstar with background jegulus but using fancy words

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do!!! i respond 99% of the time mostly because getting them makes my day (and week) so i should let the commenter know that

them: "really liked this!"

me: "hey just letting you know you made my fucking year and im no longer mentally ill so thanks for that" :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

pf… Owl Light or it takes two

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the ticking of a heart starts gut-wrenching but ends rather fluffy? so that one.

god i really have to post more

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i've gotten a "critique" and a bookmarks rating that's since been deleted. i would've been offended hadn't i found it funny

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i… could? the thing is my writing's very much all nonsensical flowery prose and metaphors so i fear i'd get lost in the dramatics of it all instead of actually describing that they're fucking

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i do not (yet?)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've had art stolen (posted without credit) but not a fic

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i've had many suggestions but i've yet to take someone up on the offer mostly because it would feel like having someone do a job for free and morally that feels a bit wrong

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

lord knows we've tried @butallmystars

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Andreil takes the cake and gold, silver goes to probably jerejean (because it's my current hyperfixation), and bronze to jegulus…maybe? (the fandom has made me resent them so much perhaps i should take the medal away)

honorary mentions go to wolfstar, jily & drarry

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

…yes

16. What are your writing strengths?

um flowery depictions of the mundane? idk i like talking like a thesaurus while getting my point across with excessive metaphors

That and characterization judging by what others have told me

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

if you know that language or have a way to fact check it with someone other than google and the demon you accidentally summoned writing that gibberish, yes. 100%

otherwise, i'd say to use things like "he said in french" / "he muttered something in undecipherable german" if it's from the pov of someone who doesn't know the language

BUT do as you please, at the end of the day the point comes across, we're all here to have a good time not a long time, and people who don't know the language find it compelling :)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

…next question?

(on ao3 it was AFTG)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

probably it takes two (but you and i are one) but i honestly forget what they're about once i've posted them

No pressure tagging (apologies if you’ve already done this I haven’t been keeping track ): @butallmystars (suffer with me evelyn) & @soliloquy-dawn

[alivehouse]

just wondering why you dislike Neil gaiman so much?? not trying to criticize or defend him, just curious

gghhhhh

(this is all just going to be based on good omens related stuff bc i havent really willingly interacted with any other work of his since i was like 12 he is not a great writer imo)

ok before i get into why specifically the way he uses his socials annoys me so much i just want to mention that good omens (tv show) has a serious problem with treating its characters of color poorly/as disposable (which this post goes into) and as far as i know neil has never so much as acknowledged this let alone apologize for it so theres that

but as for why i hate his social media presence specifically so much i just think the way he interacts with his fanbase is annoying & i dont want to use the term 'gaslighting' for something this stupid but i dont even know how else to describe his habit of like. pretending he wrote aziraphale and crowley in a relationship for the sake of clout?

^ he used to regularly regularly say condescending no homo shit like this but then when he realized he could get attention for pretending he wrote queer characters he pulled a 180 and started going 'ohhhh i DID write them in a relationship actually and also trans and also nonbinary i cant believe you didnt GET it just because its SUBTLE im sorry half assed vaguely subtextual scene #5 was not enough for you stupid fa- i mean people'

and he does this shit constantlyyyy and gets no flack for it. in fact a lot of his fanbase encourages it even bc were still stuck on begging for word of god scraps from rich straight men instead of engaging with work made by actual queer people i guess. (ALSO THIS TWEET SPECIFICALLY IS REALLY FUNNY bc like a month later he lied about there being a secret handholding scene in the show to send people on a wild goose chase zooming in on shit trying to find anything just to give him more streams i guess i dont know i think it was a stupid thing to even fall for honestly but it still strikes me as kind of cruel)

i mentioned this in tags before & idk if he still does this but he used to go look up his own name on here to find people talking negatively about him so he could reblog it and get them dogpiled which is why you see people talking negatively about him calling him 'neilman' so much instead of his actual searchable name. literal full grown man picking fights with random people on here bc he knows hell win since hes a famous author and will get backed up no matter what

and ok this is edging into fandom circlejerking (i think hes only said this one a few times but his fanbase brings it up constantly to shield him from any criticisms) so i wont go into this as much as i could but theres this Thing hell do where he says they cant be gay bc they technically arent men bc they arent humans (based on a bit in the book where they feel the need to specify that aziraphale is NOT ACTUALLY GAY after continuously subjecting him to homophobic language/aggression) and people will bend over backwards trying to interpret this as meaning they are canon nonbinary and Epic Trans Rep and hell vaguely encourage this instead of like acknowledging the extended man-in-a-dress evil nanny bit in the show and pointing out that it was fucked up? & honestly the whole undertone of that is like 'this character might go out of their way to look like and dress like and act like and refer to himself as a man but he cant REALLY be a man because he wasnt Created That Way' like how the fuck am i supposed to be treating this as a trans positive read of the situation lmao. not to mention the 'inhuman = nonbinary,' 'nonbinary = CANT be gay!!! there are no gay nonbinary people i guess' legwork going on here going on here i dont know its a whole mess

PLUS i just think its funny that hes said making characters gay would be disrespectful to his deceased cowriter but pulling an entire second out of his ass for that sweet amazon money apparently isnt lmao

and to finish this off just for fun heres him at the start of the pandemic when there was a crazy high rising death toll making it about his fucking book, + him answering another ask in response to that AFTER he had deleted the original post, to make the person asking him look like they were attacking him for no reason: