#im super happy with the last panel though!

[enter-the-performapals]

@arcvmonth Day 12: But You Still Take the Damage!

MEME DAY LETS GOOO! I've actually been wanting to draw this for a while now but have just been to lazy to do so. So uh... AU where Zarc can speak to Yuya after he awakens to Pendulum, but Yuya just doesnt care? Lol

No bg on this one cos I was super unprepared for this one... I was spposed to color it throughout the week and just... couldnt find the time to get around to it. Ill try to be more prepared this week!

Yoko: Good morining Honey! What would you like for Breakfast?

Zarc: The souls of the innocent!

Yuya: A bagel, please.

Zarc: NOOOOOOO

Yuya: Two bagels♡

Original Vine:

[shinnyshining]

Things I brought today (mostly at the SE exhibition) and some opinions about the whole experience

I couldn’t get everything I wanted I over estimated how much cash I’ll need to have with me so I’ll probably will go again tomorrow

Which is the last day so I need to go early…

I also couldn’t get that one frame magnet I wanted…volume 5 my dads….no… I’ll….I have no choice but to get the whole set just to get them guaranteed cuz I cant go back to the shopping area onceI exit the shop 😭

And its all sold out in the second hand listings on mercari jp ,…hope the whole box is somewhat affordable

Anyway…if I get doubles, yall know how to dm me ;3

Also I got the kid ,liz and patty shikishi as you can see and I only hope to get soul and maka tomorrow cuz its so expensive on mercari I wont be paying 3000 yen just for a shikishi no waaay

WAIT

I FORGOT

I got the only cute exhibition keychain because ohkubo gave them very questionable angled illustrations which didnt translate well in merchs in my opinion ESPECIALLY on the acrylic stands they look nightmare fuels, but crona is fine (I sense some favoritism ngl) patty was cute too actually but I was on a budget

Anddd I got the badges from blind bags so its all gacha I like crona though Im happy and I will give the tsubaki one to a friend.

There were two entry tickets one was 2500 yen as standart

And the other was 3000 yen with limited goods which was this wristband , I think for 500 yen more it was worth it I might get another one tomorrow with entrance its high quality and soft

Lastly if you brought anything over 5000yen total you get this bag, but you wont get a double for every 5000 you buy, quickly learned since I spended around 11k with some goods I picked for my friend, so if anyone is interested in going to the Osaka venue, just so you know if you go with a friend you may wanna pay separately if you want a bag for every each one of you

Also tip from me: dont be stupid like me and bring more money with you if theres something you want that is not guaranteed and is in a blind bag…cuz the chances of you getting lucky is not reliable and if you are as desperate as me you’ll pay for another entrance😭😭😭

Especially cuz you cant go back there if it turns out you didn’t get what you wanted, you’ll need another ticket so…buying the box seems more worth it (only if you need and want something absolutely that you’ll go that far) (actually its not a super big deal for badges and limited shikishi boards and cards since there aren’t many designs. But the mangets…they have 16 designs so it is pricey)

Now as for the exhibition hall itself, most things were okay to photograph and its consisted of mostly manga panels and official arts,there were cool cut outs and giant volume covers on the walls. seeing the panels upclose was interesting especially cuz I do comics as well and aspire to do it professionally in the future

But I guess the coolest experience is that they fully voice acted a certain chapter from the manga (didn’t finish it yet so I don’t know which) but it was so cool cuz it was all newly voiced (manga only duh) and the visuals were in a dynamic video edited pretty well, there were some live 2d just a little but it was there, it was not allowed to film that there which gives me hope that they will upload it to socials after the exhibition fully ends nationwide. But you never know

(italso gave me hope for a possible remake but I don’t wanna get my hopes up)

Anyway I might make a google drive with everything I took pictures of later , Im kinda tired today

but I wanna say to those who have high expectations for this exhibition

don’t expect something revolutionary.unfortunately it was mostly manga pages displayed (the giant official art were cool though cuz you could see more details of them) and as for props, aside from some decorations hanging from the walls and cielings here and there there was a shinigami sama cut out and the mirror, but thats about it) so definitely a little underwhelming for a 20th anniversary exhibition , at least from my expectations

I enjoyed it because I like Soul Eater and Im pretty hyperfixated on it right now, but that doesn’t keep me away from criticizing it and I do just that CUZ I LIKE SOUL EATER

there were so many things they could do and honestly for 20th anniversary it was pretty small and the exclusive merchandise was just… meh??? especially the illustrations made specifically for the Exhibition itself (which wasn’t even that much just the main 3 duo/trio’s) Honestly I have to say Im quite disappointed with Ohkubo it seemed like he didn’t give his all designing the illustrations. they didn’t even performed well as various types of goods and ,sure, he made a design and its not that bad , but he could at least draw them again with no weird angling that only looks okay in a promotional poster, aside from that, you know the magnets are made from previously made official arts and manga covers, there were some cool stuff like kid’s skateboard and Soul’s jacket but those are made to order and you can’t even get them there at the time,

NOT TO MENTION THIS SUPER COOL ART WAS NI WHERE TO BE FOUND AT THE GOODS SHOP IT IS A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO ME!!

A mini acrylic stand of this could be sooo cool 😭😭😖

The nuis are cool it was well overdue I hope they will make more characters in the future they should capitalize on them a bit more

Tote bags , hoodies and such were something to be expected from exhibitions like this Im not really impressed but they were nice as designs

But my opinion is set, they could’ve done so much more for this exhibition and it was a little underwhelming so only consider attending if you like to see official arts and manga panels up close, and if you like to interact with very limited props and watching the exclusive manga voice acting (to me that alone is worth to visit ngl) and of course the goods, only if you’re interested in

I do some theories why this exhibition was the way it is I mainly think, the budget was set and it was not much to do more than what we got especially considering the made to order goods, but it gives me hope, even after 20 years I think Soul Eater as a series is still profitable and I hope this exhibition does well enough for the higher ups to consider making more things in the future

Thats all from Shining today :3

[disniq]

i havent read all of the comics post urban legends to gotham war with jason, but as far as i remember between them jason didn't really kill anyone? tfz is on my mind (he tried to kill 'bane' but didn't). i suppose he couldve been murdering off screen as well but i also have no idea if that's hinted at

anyway with tmwsl and the beast war stuff having him kill it means:

urban legends -> stops killing

gotham war -> is brainfuckedup by bruce. cant do shit

tmwsl -> joker unbrainfuckedups him, he proceeds to go ham and kill some goons/tries to kill the jokers

beast world -> still killing in larger amounts

so if bruce had left his ass alone would he still be in a holding pattern with the bats? way to fuck it bruce (though im happy. so.)

obviously the doyalist explanation is they probably realized jason was in a bit of a limbo atm and decided to shake it up again. but watsonian is soooo funny to me. good job b

Thank you for bearing with me anon, I'm finally free from work and mostly compos mentis at the moment, so!

My initial instinct when I got this ask was to disagree, because I didn't read Jason's behaviour in the last issue of MWSL as any more or less violent than he was in the earlier issues, I don't think he ever actually killed anybody in that run (though do correct me if I'm wrong on that), and I'm extremely reluctant to take the Beast World characterisation into account because it's a, uh... reductive view of Jason, at best.

But.

BUT!

As I was turning this over in my head, I realised why it was pinging at my brain.

It's because this exact thing *has happened*, back in RHatOs Rebirth.

Pre-rhato 25 my beloathed, Jason had been consistently using less-lethal methods in exchange for Bruce's implicit approval and regular interaction with the batfam. He specifically says this on panel in The Trial of Batwoman, this is a choice he chooses to make against his own beliefs;

Detective Comics #975

This holds until six months later, when Jason shoots Penguin. And then Bruce famously snaps and beats the everloving shit out of him in a brutal and notably one-sided fight.

After which, Jason changes up his outfit, swaps the guns for a crowbar and a katana, and becomes significantly more lethal again.

RHatO (2016) #25, RHatO (2016) #26

And when I thought about it, well. I think you could argue that each of Jason's more lethal spells are proceeded by an altercation with Bruce.

Brothers in Blood, where Jason plays a murderous, knife-wielding Nightwing to annoy Dick, is the first Jason story after the infamous Under the Hood showdown wherein Bruce chooses to cut Jason's throat instead of... doing literally anything else instead.

Batman: Under the Red Hood, Nightwing (1996) #118

And after working relatively civilly with others throughout Countdown, Jason goes full murder gunbats in Battle for the Cowl after Bruce's delightful little "you're broken and you'll never be fixed" hologram speech.

Battle for the Cowl #3 , Battle for the Cowl #1

Now, I absolutely do not want to come across like I'm saying Bruce is responsible for all Jason's more extreme actions at all, because I'm not about that lack of agency shizzle at all. Obviously Jason was already very much down to kill prior to his final confrontation with Bruce in UtRH, and I think he does genuinely believe some people deserve to die.

But I think this pattern of Jason reacting to Bruce's outright and often violent rejections by escalating the very behaviour that has Bruce repeatedly rejecting him is super interesting as a facet of their continuous cycle of abuse.

So regardless of Beast World, I wouldn't be at all surprised if Jason does lilt more lethal for a hot minute before he inevitably makes consessions to get back into Batman's good books.

[batbabydamian]

Batman and Robin (2023) #1 is out!! 🦇💕

Spoilers and lots of rambling below

Loved hopping in mid-mission with Bruce and Damian banter - the first issues of Damian's B&R 2009 and 2011 runs have Batman and Robin’s relationship on a rocky start, so it’s a refreshing change!

Bruce rhyming with the pause like he’s really thinking about it LOL he's having fun!!

"You roll your eyes just like your mother" SO CUUTE!! a nice way of relating Damian to Talia in a habit haha (would also be neat if Damian had some of his mom's physical features heehee...haha...) Also "it's just us here for a bit." Would anyone else from the batfam be staying there in the future? 🤔

OKAY really want to delve into Damian cutting Bruce off here, since we're mostly in Bruce's POV atm.

Bruce saying that he's happy Damian chose to live with him seems to impose the idea Damian chose Bruce over Talia. From how Bruce thought Talia should "never claim Damian" i don't think that's something Damian wants to hear, especially after Damian already chose not to be on either of his parent's side!!

Batman VS Robin (2022) #4

In the end of his Robin book, Damian says he's still figuring out who he is, so i'm wondering if he's conflicted about losing that independence of being able to carve a path of his own now that he's with Bruce again. Either way, Damian's (VERY CUTE!!) self insert AU story gives us a glimpse of his concerns about his parents and not getting to be a teenager 🥺

ANYWAY. OBSESSED WITH THIS!! HIS COMIC THUMBNAILS!! THE RANDOM ANIME EYES IN THE CORNER!! WELCOME BACK ARTIST DAMIAN 😭

EXPRESSING HIMSELF THROUGH DRAWING FROM GORE/HORROR TO FAMILY/OBSERVATIONS TO EXPERIMENTING WITH MANGA/COMICS!! ALL SO VALID AND WONDERFUL 😭

Damian quoting Alfred and probably cooking something he used to make for him?? i'm crying

Detective Comics (2016) Annual #4

We've really gone from Damian just leaving a reminder for Bruce to restock the fridge to Damian cooking breakfast for the both of them 🥺

THIS IS MY FAV PANEL IN THIS ENTIRE ISSUE LOL fav just eating well, cheeks full of food, so cute!! and Damian sounds like he's referring to when Bruce enrolled him to the school in Metropolis lol Though Bruce's reason was also to benefit Damian, he's better communicating that this time!

Super Sons (2017) #10

LOVE DAMIAN'S ROBIN MOBILE!! glad he's moved on from the batmobile and just got his own - it's very much the opposite too in how it's bright, open, and bulky where the batmobile's dark and sleek!

The last part of the issue showcases Di Meo's action! i was pretty worried about it, because when i first saw his interiors for DC VS Vampires (2021) i barely understood what was happening im so sorry sir 😭 Honestly, it was still jarring but much better! HUGE shoutout to their Letterer Steve Wands, because the SFX and dialogue placement improved the flow a lot!

Final thoughts: GORGEOUS ART, FUN WRITING, I LOVE DAMIAN!! i'm analyzing way too much but i'm just so happy to have an ongoing with Damian again (with a writer that actually! likes him!) 😭

My hopes are we get those fun stylized panels of Damian's art/comics where we get insight on his headspace similar to the shoujo panels from Robin!! Reunion of Damian and his pets!! And it's still early, but still holding out for Williamson to keep to his word on this!! 👀

[sylviegunpla]

Plamo: Mega Man X3: Hawk Ride Armor (kitbash of Chimera Armor & accessories from Vile's Ride Armor / full paint job)

I Finally Finished It! Well, i finished it sometime around April 1st, 2024, based on the timestamps of my (older, mostly obsolete now) photos. I've definitely not been keeping up with this blog as much as i should.

These are the main angle views of it. There's some "errors" on this thing, but they're not gratuitous. The most annoying part for me is a spec of white on the left-thigh piece (his left not audience-left). Unfortunately due to the way i haphazardly mixed paints, i cannot recreate the exact shade of blue and thus can't properly touch it up. There's actually a few places you can see where i near-matched the shade of blue for some touchups, but im not sure how visible they are in the image. Also, the bolt holes on his-right upper arm are MEGA duplicated on the back. Those were custom panel lines and holes i made by gouging with an exacto knife and then filling in with gundam panel line marker.

I also did some extra special detailing on the leg greebles (which i plan to NOT recreate in my future ride armors): I glued thin plastic into the greebles so it could naturally create panel lines, then i used "Wave System Option: H-Eyes Red" to put jewels into the greebles (using double sided tape).

I will recreate the jewels in future builds, but not the panel line details

Here's some more (uglier) shots:

So there's still something i want to do with this build: I want to attach it to some kind of action/display base, so it looks like it's mid air, and find OR MAKE some sort of clear blue ring-shaped jet-blast effect part to put under the "hover pack", so it looks like it's hovering mid-air like it does in the game. I'm not gonna try to recreate the missiles though lmao. BTW, the Hawk Armor parts don't come with the base Chimera Armor So this was nearly all done using Mr Hobby Aqueous paints and an airbrush, with touchups by hand. Also some Gundam EX Marker Silver for some details, Mr. Super Clear Gloss so get a good surface for panel lining, then flat coated everything except for the red missile tips in the canons (those got a nice juicy gloss coat). I did a lot of masking using tamiya masking tape, which is a technique i'm also doing for the Kangaroo armor. BTW, the Kangaroo armor is also approaching a state of Completion. I'm still working on greebles and the arms (which were also the parts i put off til last on the Hawk armor lmao). But hopefully i'll post it in a more timely manner when that happens! I'm really happy to have finished this. When i first saw Bandai put out "official" kits for 3 of the 4 ride armors of this game, i absolutely knew i wanted to repaint the kit and make it look like the actual key art. I actually based the color choices on the sprite art, but otherwise mostly used the key art for reference with details and such. Well, Bandai did most of that work. I just followed it properly. However... i also have plans to do something absolutely ridiculous to try to recreate the Frog Armor... in time. I don't have full plans for it yet, but i have the ride armors and a dream. Anyway here's a preview of the Kangaroo Armor, a WIP shot:

[fire-but-ashes-too]

get to know my oc!

thank you so so so much @flock-from-the-void for the tag <3

im so excited to do this, finally all the unnecessary traits I gave her will be useddd so so happy

gently tagging: @leisoree @rmgrey-author @digital-chance @maewrites13 @briannaswords @tea-and-mercury @anonymousfoz and anyone else who'd like to join :)

this is my forever beloved (and one of my first ocs that managed to not get tossed away) Giada from Flowers and Homicide (before it was murderous roses)

As I step in the lab, a rotting smell fills my nostrils. I'm seriously tempted to drop this crazy interview and go back home, but then I think of my boss.

And so I keep on walking through hell, knowing that the previously cited boss's rage would be even worse.

There's some guy cleaning a syringe near what I presume is a corpse (don't vomit, don't vomit, dont' vomit) and so I approach him and ask him if he knows where a girl named Giada could be.

After a couple seconds, he sends me off in direction of a room with glass panels, through them I catch sight of a dark, curly mass of hair and knock on the door.

"Hello, are you by any chance Giada?" the foreign name is still new on my tongue, I hope I didn't pronounce it wrong.

"Yes, that's me! What can I help you with?" she answers smiling brightly at me.

"I'm from Tumblr-News," I explain "I was hoping you'd have time for a couple of questions..."

"Oh! Sure! I'm on my break right now, so we have a good 20 minutes for talking"

Are you named after anyone?

Huh, interesting question. No, I wasn't named after a person, but an object. A gemstone. See, my family's half Italian and Giada, in Italian, means jade, also my grandmother's favourite stone.

I think she said something about a ring and a proposal.... doesn't matter though.

When was the last time you cried?

Ha haa... Is this really necessary? Yeah? Ok..Yesterday. I just'd just gotten my period and ice cream fell on my shirt. Don't judge, it makes me really emotional.

The period. Not the ice-cream.

Do you have kids?

Do I really look that old? Damn. And no, I don't have kids and don't plan on them.

Do you use sarcasm?

I believe sarcasm should be a love language. Yes I do, anytime I can, I love it, it's half of my personality.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Well, I'm a med student, so probably the overall appereance, if they're sleeping enough, if they're eating enough, stuff like that.

Also if they look like a murderer. Or like a person who killed someone.

Guilty, in general.

What's your eye colour?

They're jade, like my name. Just kidding, I'd love to have green eyes but I don't have them.

She leans closer to me and opens her eyes more than I thought was humanly possible.

I don't know if you can see through the glasses, but there is a bit of mud green in the brown, so technically my eyes are a bit green.

Mostly brown though.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I'm literally standing in a lab full of cadavers. What do you think?

Any special talents?

Oh oh I know this! I can lick my nose! Want to see?

she brings her tongue to her nose and makes a muffled scream while pointing to it.

I also have an apparently worrying knowledge about poisons and death, but I'm studying forensic, can you blame me?

Where were you born?

In an hospital? Duh. It was in San Francisco if you care to know.

What are your hobbies?

I've already said poisons but I'll say it again, they are super interesting, did you know we exist just because some ancient monkeys got high? many times, and those chemicals extended their brain cells and so they got smarter. It's amazing!

I also love magic, I've thought about joining a cult or something, but those people are mad. Worse than me. I've been to a session, and they were all dressed up strange, candles everywhere, there was the star on the ground, you know that star in the circle? That one.

But I firmly believe in faeries, coincidences do not exist, it's them meddling with our lives. You can't change my mind.

Do you have any pets?

I've always wanted a lizard or something like that, maybe a snake even if I'm low-key scared of them. They're absolutely stunning, but what if one bites me? They are super venomous.

But when I was little I had a goldfish, his name was Alastair, it was my favourite character from a book, can't remember which. It died after month.

It's buried in my parents' backyard. Poor little thing.

Any sport that you play/played?

I think you can tell that I'm not the sportiest person ever, but I was on the track team.

I absolutely sucked, but I was in it.

Oh and in winter I always went skiing with my family so also that.

How tall are you?

I'm 5.3 and I hate it. At least I can wear heels. But I usually don't cause they hurt my feet, apart from a pair of boots, those are my salvation. Sometimes I even wear them here, not today tho.. sorry I'm blabbering.

What's your favourite subject?

Oh, it's the first year I'm taking it but it's super interesting, it's called anesteti- anast- anesthesiology... Yeah anesthesiology. Hate the name love the subject. I think I like it because most anesthetics are also poisons.

But yeah, right now it's my favourite subject.

And finally, what's your dream job?

Coroner. Or working in the forensic squad.

Right now I'm in an internship, but if it goes well they might keep me around even next year.

"And that's it, thank you so much or answering, I'll leave you to... whatever you'll be doing" I smile uncomfortably and hug her quickly.

"Just in time, by break's over so I better get working"

She sets down her cup and shrugs on a white lab coat, quickly waves at me and just like that she's gone.

I walk as fast as I can, anxious to get rid of this disgusting smell.

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

also since this is all tv stuff except for the ending, some context from the comics too!

first off, no new queer characters were added to the show (except maybe rachel bc they genderswapped constantine - but both john and johanna constantine are and have been canonically bi)

bigots have been complaining about how 'woke' the tv show is? well paul and alex, the corinthian, desire, constantine, judy and her girlfriend, every single one of them were explicitly gay or bi or trans in 1989

and the show doesn't get political about it, which yeah as op says, is a really nice world to imagine! but the comics started when the aids crisis was still in full swing, they do get political, and that's refreshing in another way, because it's so clearly not trying to put anyone in for representation points, but instead yelling with everything it has "we're human, treat us like human beings"

and the hardest hitting stuff for me that's yet to make it into the show...

wanda. published 1991. op already added her last panel, but she's a trans woman main character whose character doesn't revolve around being trans (god she's funny, though for space im only grabbing some of the more explicitly trans storyline screenshots). when it does come up, she stands out for not only being an out and happy trans woman, but for having no interest in bottom surgery, and definitely one of the earliest major publications to remind audiences that dead name and real name are not the same thing

(and yes, her story leant a bit heavy on the tragedy and having her face transphobia, but it's still revolutionary for its time and neil has said he's gonna redo that storyline with the help of trans and nonbinary writers, and make sure that story means as much to trans people today as it did back then, so i look forward to seeing where it goes!)

this line of paul's, because god, we're still fighting that battle today. terfs keep trying to rebrand all umbrella terms as slurs no one should ever use (or mocking attempted compromises like mogai into nonexistence), and i just. this bit means so much to me both in paul's jovial confidence in his own identity, and also in seeing someone prefer the term queer over the term gay! like there's nothing wrong with using gay, but for all queer people who aren't gay, people constantly saying 'the gay community' when they mean all queer people gets really tiring after a while. so yeah no, you're allowed to prefer queer! it's a perfectly good word!

hazel. like there's plenty of lesbian characters in sandman, but god i actually cried at this panel

she's a lesbian who had accidental drunk sex with a cis guy, and ended up getting pregnant. and this story did several things - first off, drew attention to the fact that the lesbian community at the time was super uninformed about pregnancy and general safe sex practices, hazel's been told a lot of lies about how evil men are and how scary pregnancy is, and it's clear that this happened because she didn't know how to avoid it and was also too scared that she'd betrayed her community to mention it to anyone

she also had a girlfriend at the time (foxglove), which, yeah, the unintentional cheating on her is something she did wrong. but once they get over that one, and it's clear neither of them actually wants to break up over this, hazel's biggest fear is that fox is gonna ask her to get rid of the baby, because why wouldn't she? but no, foxglove's response is to immediately shift into alright, we're moms now, because just because the baby isn't genetically hers doesn't mean she's gonna love them any less

and then the panel i added is roughly 7-8 months on from that story. and like. as an (aspec) lesbian myself, i find it so hard to relate to modern lesbian storylines, it just all feels so sanitised and oh the two teenage girls get their first cutesy perfect romance, and... that has its place, don't get me wrong. i don't want less of that. but that's all there is, right now. and i thought maybe that was a problem with me, that the aspec part meant i couldn't relate to any lesbian storylines. but no, seeing this, seeing hazel break all the rules of gold star lesbianism and be happy with a kid, and the simple identity driven rebellion in writing dyke on your shirt with a sharpie, i just... nothing has made me feel more seen or more accepted. hazel and i may have two very different lives but we are part of the same community. the same family

hazel's storyline was published from 1991 to 1993. i can't imagine you'd get anything similar past censors these days

and finally - sandman did eventually put a focus on the aids crisis, plot wise, because it couldn't ignore it. but it didn't make it about a gay man, because that story's been told a hundred times. it definitely brought up the fact that gay men were being unfairly persecuted, but the characters who actually got sick were women who didn't catch it through sex - because it's not solely an std, and it's not solely gay men who get it, and sandman was really trying to be like hey, this affects everyone, stop treating it as a punishment for having gay sex and start actually doing something about it

The Sandman and Queerness

It's hard to express how transformative The Sandman can feel for queer people. It's not that it's the only queer literature around; queer literature abounds. It's not that it was the first of its kind; queer literature has been around forever. It's that The Sandman gets a lot of things right that many attempts at queer stories don't.

-----

First, The Sandman's queer characters are simply allowed to exist without the entire story revolving around their queerness. Their story doesn't have to center on a coming out journey or parental rejection, which seems to be all that Hollywood is capable of writing. While this kind of work can be important, it still paints us as "other" and "abnormal". We are anything but an accepted facet of reality.

Meanwhile, the world of The Sandman is a world where queer people are an accepted and normal part of it. As such, their stories can be more complex than the tropes we are normally fed.

Second, by virtue of queer normalization, the world of The Sandman lacks the constant vigilance that queer people have to deal with in reality. In our world, you always have to wonder if someone is going to accept or reject you once they find out, and be careful about who you talk to or what you talk about. Depending on where you live, you might have to worry about getting hatecrimed, attacked, or even killed for your queerness. This creates a constant vigilance of monitoring your surroundings, and policing your own language and behavior to keep yourself safe.

However, in a world where queerness is normalized, all of that labor disappears. You can simply exist without the added strain (at least in regards to queerness). Reading or watching The Sandman is freeing in a way that existing in reality is not.

Third, certain problematic stereotypes in media dissolve. In most media, queerness is deeply linked with villainy. Antagonists are purposefully queer-coded (read: made to look or act queer on purpose), while heroes are usually anything but. This creates a link between "evil" and "queerness" in the consumer's mind.

Besides being problematic on its own, this presents a problem for writers who want to write non-problematic stories about queer people. It means that you can't actually have a villain in your story that is queer without an audience assuming that their queerness and villainy are tied, i.e. that the villain is evil because they are queer. Sandman subverts this.

Consider the Corinthian: he's evil and he's queer. But because he exists in a world where queerness is everywhere and normalized, we know that he's not evil because he's queer; he's evil and happens to also be queer. Not having him be the only queer character in the story unlinks his villainy and queerness.

Further, even if we narrow our view to only the Corinthian, we have examples of his queerness existing without his villainy: he sleeps with Carl without killing him. This single act immediately unlinks his murderousness and his queer identity, allowing us to see them as separate facets. And in so doing, The Sandman manages to fully subvert the queer-coded villain trope that otherwise ends up being harmful and everywhere in media.

Fourth, queer characters finally get to be sexy. Did you laugh at that sentence? It's okay. But this is a real thing that happens in media: queer characters are often so stereotyped or infantilized that seeing normal, queer folk that are attractive is a freeing experience in and of itself.

Nonbinary folk in particular are usually infantilized. Yet The Sandman gives us Desire, a nonbinary person and the literal embodiment of hotness who creates thirst outside of the bounds of gendered constructs (or, perhaps, within all of them). Desire is anything but infantilized. And in giving them to us, The Sandman manages to turn this trope on its head in a single, swift (and sensuous ;)…) movement.

The final point has less to do with the story and more to do with the context of publication. When queer folk write queer stories, those stories tend to circulate largely only within the queer community. This does very little to allow engagement from the people we need engagement from most, i.e. non-queer folk who could benefit from unlearning stereotypes.

But when a story gets published by a major label, it allows that story to be seen by a much wider audience. The Sandman opens up queer media to a wider audience by virtue of being written for a major comic label and then later transformed into a popular TV series. It does much more to undo the harm caused by stereotyped pieces of media when a transformative work reaches a wider audience. Yes, it's unfair that people outside of the queer community often won't engage directly with queer media. But that's the reality we live in, so works like The Sandman become hugely important.

So when you see the queer community delighting at The Sandman, it's not an exaggeration. It's an expression of unmitigated joy.

[giuliano-fan-account]

hxh ch 393

I THOUGHT THAT THEY RELEASED ONLY ON SUNDAYS HELP? WAIT? ANYWAYS so i read this a little later than I wanted to since i thought it released tomorrow but thats okay. 

Its review time!! I have a little less to say this chapter than the last two, but I still have a little word

spoilers, obviously

So, we’re back to Luini... 

Tbh Im KIND OF GLAD THAT HE JUST DESTROYED HIM HE WAS BEGINNING TO GET A LITTLE ANNOYING...

Its interesting to think about it. 

He could have been downright offensive to these three as all of the troupe is still processing the deaths of Shalnark and Kortopi and hes just telling them to discard all of that. 

Imagine if somebody like Luini showed up after Uvogins death/during their requiem.. yea... I have a feeling Nobunaga would be even more pissed.

ALSO NOBUNAGA DOESNT LOOK SUPER WONKY IN THIS PANEL YAY

In the previous chapters and stuff he just looked so strange and it wasn’t bothering me or anything but yaa there he is. 

Luini is the negative fanbase and This guy is the positive fanbase. 

This translation lets people curse and im living for it (also hes doing the funny point pose)

Imagine dying like this..... what a way to go. Also, was he just like this the whole time he was talking to the troupe? Just. his butt out of the wall?? 

Anyways. Luini is always making me think about things I don’t want to. Good riddance. 

WHY IS HE LITERALLY JUST NAMED DEMON AND WHY IS HE A REAL-ESTATE AGENT. I NEED ANSWERES. It might just be this translation for the name, but still.. Real estate agent? Eh. It’s not like all the other occupations are very expected to join a mafia anyways.

Whoever this person is i love them. They are named after a dessert AND they are a pro gamer AAND they have the hxh trademark strange eyebrows.

Also, it took me whoever to know who this guy was but he’s the guy at the stand that Lynch first punched (23 members).

We have a Pro Gamer and a Game Centre Employee. They either get along very well or hate each other with a burning passion. Either way, I want to see if they have a dynamic bc thats interesting.

Oh god please die I don’t know anything about him other than the fact that he is a human trafficker PLEASE DIE HELP. I hope he dies very quickly.

I like this guy he seems silly and i like silly people, so. He’s yet another cheery light haired guy that very vaguely resembles shalnark (the other being Giuliano, i love Giuliano by the way I really like Giuliano, anyways heres a comparison)

Nonetheless please don’t stop making this brand of guy he’s just like me.

Matovelle gets an extra point though because he is probably also insane. 

I love when the characters are so short compared to the others that you can only see the very top of their heads.

I feel like this person is also going to be dangerous... they look like the Hei-Ly underboss (I think??), so im sensing a little bit of a pattern lol. (please bring back the Hei-Ly underboss lady or whoever she was i need her  i  anyways) 

I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT THIS WAS KORTOPI AT FIRST AND I WAS SO CONFUSED BUT ANYWAYS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I SAW THIS PAGE.

THEYRE ALIVE AND AND I LOVE THE WAY THAT  ZAKURO WAS DRAWN AND AN ANYWAYS I NEED TO CALM DOWN. phew ok... I am beginning to like Lynch and Zakuroa  lot theyre great. 

I feel like theyre getting themselves into yet another hassle. Hopefully this time they won’t underestimate their enemy, that is if they do find them this time. 

This seems like a pretty good deal, but theres got to be a catch later. I’m guessing that may be Chrollos state of mind by the time they find him... Again, given that he looks like this

yea he’s not doing so good. 

Also, this must be a reference of some sort..

PSHHH I HOPE HE NEVER STOPS PUTTING REFERENCES IN HXH. The movie theater was a perfect place to do this.

Im pretty sure that this is Alien but I cant see it very clearly.

It would be so fun to have a concept like the Thing come into play in the succession war... I think that it would be a perfect opportunity for horror. I mean we already have Prince Tserriednich’s first Nen beast. I’m so excited. 

And there he is. Gah I love the framing of this panel. You can see everybody’s face but Hisoka’s, and he’s split in the middle with all the white space of the theater. It gives an ominous feeling specifically towards Hisoka. 

Just an aside here, too, the way Hisokas hair is styled and the way his eyes are drawn looks similar to Chrollo’s the last time we saw him, which is interesting to me. The resemblance isn’t too strong, but It’s interesting to think about.

The way that he just sits down in this panel and immediately starts talking is so funny to me just change the text to anything.

ANYWAYS thats unrelated. I really like this scene. I get the impression  that Hisoka is above it all, and just deciding to comply with what Xi-Yu and Cha-R wants without any true dedication, and I feel like Hinrigh is aware of this because he knows exactly the type of person Hisoka is, so he’s being honest.

I’m also beginning to really like Hinrigh as well because of his intuition, understanding, and efficiency. No wonder he’s the underboss. Knowing and dealing with the type of freak Hisoka is is no small feat. 

Hes trying to mess with him by getting close but Hinrigh is just like ‘Ok.’

This was an awesome interaction though tbh. I want to see more conversations between them since its an interesting dynamic. Hinrigh isn’t directly against Hisoka, which is seen in his disinterest in getting in the way of his and the spiders quarrel, so they agree over that, but he has to keep him under surveillance due to the situation. Everything about Hisoka goes against this, however. He is going to defy this without question, and I am certain Hinrigh knows this, so what does he have in mind to stop him? 

these must be more references. the girl choking the other one seems familiar but i dont know about the others and I dont know what that one is from.

The other part isnt super interesting to me, so I’ll leave it for me to delve back into on another read. I often understand things better on the second time anyways.

.......................... I HAVE NO WORDS. NONE AT ALL CAN EVEN.. I CANT >... I GENUINELY CANT TELL IF THIS IS INTENDED TO BE FUNNY OR SCARY BUT OH MY GOD I   HELP ME  

THIS DOESNT MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO TELL SERIOUSLY IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE COMEDIC OR SERIOUS...

Gosh, these page layouts are great, the shading of the bed on the second one I am enjoying thoroughly, and again with the middle focus and the front and back look at the room... aaahhhhhhghhgg anyways. 

WHY ARE HINRIGH AND THE OTHER GUY SO TALL (I forgot his name uh oh). It’s either that or the cabins are very small, which is probably the case.

Its funny, this page layout is a little unnerving, and then you just see how short the doorway is ...

Final thoughts on the chapter, Hinrigh is so cool, and this guy definitely is hiding something. I think he’s not a threat himself, but rather is innocent and is being forced to cover something for somebody who is a threat.

A little later than I wanted to post my review but its okay. I’m looking forward to the next one, since honestly I don’t know what it’s going to throw at me. Often times it proves my predictions wrong, but thats okay, it’s fun to think about more. 

It’s nice to know people actually read these too, it’s relieving to write these down to get all of my thoughts out, and I feel happy when other people actually acknowledge them even though theyre often just rambles of things off the top of my head when I read these things lol.

I plan to read and review all of the chapters (if i can)!! 

Have a good dawn, morning, noon, afternoon, day, evening, dusk, night, midnight, or past midnight! (I present to you hisokas favorite movie) 

[anewp0tat0]

Chapter 190

wow I'm back with these things! didn't do them for a bit, and to be honest I thought this chapter break was very long, but that's just because I forgot last month's chapter happened for a moment. weird cause I thought it was sad and funny, but reasonable.

yana really went hard here and I'm so happy, Ada deserves this panel so much☆☆☆ I'll maybe never see her again and I'll probably forget soon but girl you a keeper.

I like that we have this little thing here, shows us everyone we know so far, kinda. yana's refusal to draw Polaris's right eye really doesn't do good for me. those other two seem to be people we don't know. I think I still fall on the possibility of him being Joker, which is a common theory. makes sense enough. but I'm not committed.

also, the one on the bottom left looks to be of Asian decent right? the only connection I can think of is to the quin bang, but that's a stretch.

also some of you know lots a flowers and that's very cool! that's a flower back there right? idk. I suck at flowers.

my first impression when he makes these shocked faces is that he's truly alarmed by the information. however after reading the panel below, it seems like that face is just his "new scheme in the making" face.

nice to see Lau is the same as ever. I really hope Ada and the rest have some sort of freedom from now on. Lau is sly with his repayment debts anyway. and I sure hope this is some side "i must bring honor to my country" thing and not some more relevant plot twist thing.

this poor girl I want to give her everything. she was meant to do nothing more in this world. also me too Lau. glad we all agree some information just gets lost over time. how is this man so powerful??

@grelleswife mentioned that so far all of the servants arcs have ended with a sunset, and thats a cool observation! i like that. gives me hope for the future. ofc yana isn't too predictable, but still. generally this panel is just... mhm. feelings.

that seems like a wrap then, overall super mega happy ending, finally!! it's been so long. I gotta say it doesn't feel as complete as a wrap that we were all expecting, but I think that's the general fault of having too much time to theorize and then totally expecting an explosion and multiple deaths. Ada is taken care of, Bard's alive, no one dies hazah. I think we can safely say that no one will die in these miny arcs until we get to ciel and sebastian unfortunetly.

one more thing though.

ngl i kinda forgot he was even here for a moment, no shade to Ronald I was excited and expectant but that's just what happens with a poor memory and 9 pages a month.

sorry that I'm just unable to buy the official translations atm so sit through my possibly unofficial confusion for a moment please. so Al is someone who seemingly is an ally of Layla, or so she thought. I have doubts that Ronald is a twist villain, even if it's just hopeful thinking. here though, Ronald's dialogue does in a way make it seem that he was supposed to meet with her, and she was certainly expected an "Al". RonAld is too much of a stretch right? or is that what is meant to be assumed?... what was his doctor allias again anyway, Dr. Knox right? idk sorry I gotta reread this whole arc soon but luckily it won't take long.

I would frankly be mad if Ronald turns out to be a secret baddy because 1) means future conflict with our cast. and grelle :< no they're meant to be best buds. also 2) means we need a whole other chapter to explain this and have them talk. nope, we're gone now sorry.

I doubt he is, I just wonder what type of deal he would have brought up with her.

and yea please discard the child, im very sorry to whatever she was before the fake soul inhabited the body, truly, my heart brakes. now throw it away.

[mp100fanworkstranslation]

Better than when you found it -PART 1-

A Complete Doujinshi by Maruta

This book was published in 2016, and currently out of print.  PANELS READ RIGHT TO LEFT

-Flashback-

We’ve got an overnight job? 

Yep

It’s an apartment. According to the landlady, no tenant has lasted for more than three days. We’re going to stay there and look into what’s going on with the place. 

The tenants talked about seeing an evil spirit, but it could just as well be a curse. The other tenants are spooked as well. 

Anyway, this Friday after dinner, all staff will gather at the office and we will head out to the site. 

-The Present-

Reigen stands at the door fiddling with the keys: Eh !? 

Hurry up and open the door!

Master..

Ah, I’ve got our things

Okay, I’ve gotten the door open, Mob, you can go on ahead

Okay

Ugh...

Reigen: Before we go in, I want to go over a few things we should all be aware of. Our onsite investigation here will last three days and two nights....

Anything we do, we do in pairs. We have a strong team, and I don’t think we’ll have a problem, but we still have to take the utmost care to avoid being possessed by the evil spirit that resides here. 

Also, no one will hog the bathroom....or any other part of the unit,

Alright then! 

Let’s go Mob! You’re Up!

Mob: Oh... It’s me again...

Serizawa: Mr Reigen, should you not be the one to enter first, since you’re our......

Reigen: Okay, Okay....

Mob says as he enters the room: Sorry to disturb.....

Mob: Wow, this is cleaner than I expected. 

Reigen: I think the movers did a thorough job. It’s far cleaner than my place to be honest.

Ekubo: Why are you telling us this? It’s not like we’ve ever been there. 

Reigen: Yeah, It’s a corner unit, It’s got a bathroom separate from the shower, and rents for 200 dollars a month. 

Serizawa thinks: This is a really nice unit. It’s a shame it’s a Jiko Bukken only 200 dollars a month.... 

(In Japan, if something bad happens in a house, such as a death, or a murder there’s a belief the space is tainted by the event. So it becomes really difficult to rent the apartment out. Often the ONLY way to rent it out is to offer it super cheap.)

Ekubo and Mob thinks: There’s something here....

There’s a click as Ekubo opens a closet

Ekubo: Huh? There’s a folding bed here. 

He looks at Mob

Ekubo: So... Are we all going to fight over the single bed?

Reigen: No, Mob, you take it. 

Mob: I’m more comfortable sleeping on a floor futon. Maybe Ekubo or Mr Serizawa can decide? Rock paper scissors? 

Ekubo vs Serizawa, Rock Paper Scissors.

After many MANY rounds, there is no winner so they decide all sleep on the floor. Reigen is setting the alarm clock.

Mob thinks: It feels like a school trip for some reason, without the part where we talk about crushes. The others are all grown men.

Reigen: Hey we should tell fun stories! 

Serizawa: Yeah!

Reigen: You go first Mob! You’re the youngest. 

Mob thinks: Eh... what? Why am I always going first? 

Mob thinks: Something fun.....

Mob: When I was little, there was a takoyaki stand at the intersection near my house. Me and my brother often went there together.

We were very small then, but I still remember it clearly.

Tiny Mob: Takoyaki!

Tiny Ritsu:  Ya-ki

Mother: You want some? 

 Mother gives Ritsu some money. 

Mother: Here, take this. Don’t lose it. Split it with your brother.

Ritsu: ~kay

Mother: RITSU WAIT..WAIT

No, not like that! That’s not how you split it! 

Mob: That was the first time Ritsu got yelled at. I think it traumatized him, because he wouldn’t use paper money for a long time. 

All the Adults: ITS SO CUTE (Look at these dudes, overcome with the cuteness, haha)

Ekubo: Haha, never thought Ritsu would have a story like that. I thought he just liked coins so he could flick them at people. He seems the type. 

Mob: Actually, I recently got a wallet for him for bills. He accepted it but looked somewhat horrified.  

Ritsu: Th....Thank you brother.  Mob thinks: Please don’t take this the wrong way.

Ekubo: Okay, it’s my turn! Mine’s also about Ritsu! 

Serizawa thinks: Looks like a Ritsu bashing session is starting

-Elsewhere, Ritsu loses it-

Ekubo: He slipped on the ice outside of that new pharmacy, and was just flailing around for like nine or ten minutes.

Everybody is laughing. 

Some time passes and Reigen notices that it’s almost midnight. 

Reigen: Okay everyone, we should call it a day.

He burrows into his pillow and tries to sleep, but the others are still talking....

and talking...... and talking.....

GO TO SLEEP! -He throws a pillow into everyone’s faces.

This is one of Reigen’s special moves, where he accurately pitches a pillow into the faces of multiple opponents at once, shutting them up simultaneously.

(This doujinshi came out before the OVA, where he tries to start a pillow fight. Impressive that the author called it.)

Ekubo: WHAT THE HELL! 

Reigen: WE HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP NOW

Ekubo: WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TUNE US OUT AND SLEEP YOURSELF!

Reigen: ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU GUYS ARE SO LOUD

Serizawa: Um....Let...Lets please stop fighting. 

As Serizawa attempts to break them up, a shadow creeps along the wall behind him. 

Some time passes and everyone is asleep. Reigen is smoking on the balcony. The door opens behind him. 

Reigen: So... are you also the type that has trouble falling asleep on an unfamiliar pillow? 

Serizawa: N..No... I’m just feeling a little too excited to sleep.

Mr Reigen, you smoke? -ah no, I don’t want one.-

Reigen: Yeah, I have one now and then. I don’t smoke when Mob is around. 

Serizawa: Um..... I.....

I....I’m really happy about today.

Reigen: eh?

Serizawa: For a long time, was convinced that a real job would be too much for me. The stress, the pressure, the fatigue. That I’d always have something to complain about. I thought that was what it would be like.... 

-Claw out in public-

Serizawa: In many ways, my time at Claw was interesting....but now Kageyama senpai is my friend, and also my superior. Mr. Reigen is the boss. Ekubo is the first friendly spirit I’ve ever met.

But.....

Serizawa: This is the first time I’ve ever had an outing with people that I could call my friends.  I..... Im so happy, I don’t know how to express that. 

(Again, this book came out 2 years before the OVA)

It’s unprofessional, I know. I.... I guess I still have a lot to learn.  

It’s nice isn’t it? Don’t sweat it... you’re one of us. 

Serizawa: TH..THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Reigen: Heh... it’s fine now, though you might want to tone down that excitement if we’re out in public. 

-The Next Day-Things start getting serious.

To be continued- 

This comic is about 30 pages and will be translated in parts. Check the table of contents for updates.

I love this comic. Team Spirits and Such is four dudes that are lonely in their own different ways, and it’s so great to see them just do stuff together, hang out and just be the friends that they all so desperately need.  

[tepperz]

thank you so much for not getting intimidated by the length of these replies twt

I'm just having a lot of fun talking about art with you. :3 I was super worried that I overdid it last reply but im relieved that that's not the case.

Yessss Pixiv is a goldmine of gorgeous art! If I stumble upon an amazing artist on there I can’t stop until I devour their whole catalog! I didn’t know there were such perks/dangers to being subscribed hmmmm 8)c

it really is just crazy for inspiration. Everyone is so talented. Pixiv has this thing where if you bookmark one piece you like while you're subscribed, it recommends 10 more similar pieces for you to check out. So It gets me in lots of trouble because I keep trying to like the recommended pieces, but as soon as I like them it recommends 10 more and keeps going!!!I can never catch up!!!!! It's stupid and funny how actually distressing it is!!!!! Haha but I've gotten a lot of great inspiration that way.

It’s wild to consider how much affects a finished artwork.

Thats true.... if you consider it like that, it's like we're all sharing our lives with each other when we cross-reference. :)

No way, I can’t say it’s weird at all to go through mangas~~ Whole comics must be even harder to make because not only does every panel have to do the job of conveying its own idea but then they have to fit into the composition of the whole page too! It’s a lot to balance all at once! The use of black, white, and greyscale is also a totally different skill from color pieces so there’s a lot that can be learned from mangaka.

Yeah. As someone who wants to be a comic artist as well as illustrator, I feel like it's important to know my references. I feel like I learned a lot by my experience. I listed the pros and cons and good points of the art by series. I almost thought about making youtube videos or something on my findings but script writing is not my forte lmao.

I definitely refer to Sugisaki’s all the time~ I absolutely adore her style, clothes, lines, all of it but also her paneling is out of this world; every page feels like a carefully laid out work of art!

I feel that so hard. Ive also done that so many times. I definitely have my bitter disillusions with sugisaki nowadays, but I can't deny how much she directly inspired my artistic journey. I've thought many times about how each panel feels like a finished piece all on its own, and how I wished I could do that. Getting swept up in her manga feels like a delicious spring breeze where anything can happen. I remember when I did her pro-con list for dnangel, there were sooo many pros that it went off the page. Some of the cons were funny though. She never shows feet and avoids drawing shoes as much as possible. lmao.

Sorry about your art block D: That ain’t a fun place to be in. I hope you’ll be able to get out of it soon!

Thank you. yeah, me too.

And that pic (and 22k others) will be waiting for you~

H-hey!!

Yooo I’m feeling the creepy vibes! That’s the kind of sight that would make me freeze on the spot. A still silhouette with shiny eyes turned my way. @@ I like the effect of the rim light a lot, especilaly how the thickest part is at the top, so even when I look at the rest of the pic, my eyes are still guided back along the lines to that strongest contrast. Your second piece had a lot of references in comparison! :o The goblin quilt worked out though LOL. I see the influence of the low saturation piece the strongest (Can’t stop staring at his gloves. The lighting and colors on them are so cool!!) There’s more of you finding unique value even in chibis for a rendered illustration! Thanks for showing both of these! ^^

>w<! Thank you so much for the kind analysis. You even made me look harder at my old pieces and appreciate them! I wasn't too happy with how either of them came out, but it warms my heart to see that there are actually good features on them. Either way, I'm happy I shared if just because I think sharing processes is super interesting!

I thought the solid green + lighter orange outlines on the bushes was a cool effect so I tried the same here. Similar color palette too~

I love seeing your process at the bottom with the reference picture. I can definitely see the inspiration. The greens and that strong wind are very prevalent. It's so interesting how the mood in both pieces are different but complimentary. Is it hard getting the shades of colors you want with watercolors? I find it's hard to get a consistent color because I never mix enough of the color I want. Do you have that problem, or do you find ways around it?

Gaah I do have an old pinterest account I should make it useful orz With all the fashion on that site it WOULD be perfect for outfits…! Thank you so much for the suggestion and link!! I’m already seeing some really cool stuff in that board… (So nice of them to put the… genre? style!! below it because I’m learning some neat ones lol)

no prob ^^ Yeah I like using pintrest cause I can make different boards for my different story ideas/characters, and it will recommend me similar stuff. Makes my brain not have to do too much thinkie.

Saito is so wise <3 His correction videos teach me so much.

Yeah! he's good! I really appreciate his videos. I try to pace them out because I feel like there's SOOOO much knowledge chock full in each video that my brain is overheated after watching just one or two! He comes across as such a dedicated teacher. It's nice to see tips straight from a japanese anime artist in the industry. It's honestly rare content. Apparently he started out drawing yugioh monster cards, too! What a legend.

(Who says “collecting materials is troublesome” to him? NO collecting materials is TOO fun!! xD That’s how we end up with thousands!!)

EXACTLY!! I want to know who said that too. Maybe we can make them sort my 20,000+ files for me, as punishment. then they'll have a taste of real troublesome hell xD

Thank you again, Tepperz!! I skimmed through the tutorials you sent and I know they’re going to help a lot. The klecon one is so thorough!! (And the lesson on digital color mixing much needed @@ Who knew yellow and purple did that…)

Not a problem at all. I love sharing resources. I know you didn't really ask for color theory but I had to throw that one in because it's my favorite tutorial. It's so, so thorough, like you said. I'm glad I saved it too cause apparently the artist who made that tutorial isn't a very good person(!?) and has since taken down their tutorial after a bunch of name changes, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from them. Another hidden gem in that folder is a photoshop file of Kwacy's work. I feel like I learned a lot because it's so interesting seeing how a professional layers their art and effects. Really breaking it down, you know? I have no idea if it'll help you as much, but I haven't seen many other tutorial psd files like that and I think it's really somethin'.

I don’t have much on gestures after all, dang! Just a bit? >< And here’s the contents of my composition/background tutorial folder! (And if you’re okay with this kind of sharing, I included the book Framed Ink, which has been changing my world lately for odd perspectives and using backgrounds to shape the composition. If not please ignore that! ^^;) DRIVE

YOOOO thank you for all the tutorials! There's a lot of good info here!! I'm definitely gonna hoard these resources once my internet stops acting goofy. And sick! I've been meaning to read framed ink, so thank you! Yeah, I'm not a stickler for rules. Some of the resources I sent you were also behind a few paywalls. But artist friends should help each other and share resources. I believe in that. I like the youtube videos you sent too. Im actually excited to draw along while the videos play. What books do you have of his?

Hey, having them on the canvas means they’re all exactly where you need them~ So many times I accidentally close out of a picture and have to open up the folders and find it again~

god... can you imagine me doing that, my folders being what they are? If something's lost, it's LOST, bro..... lmao

Yeah!! I love the versatility of gouache! Transparent or opaque when you need it– I say that but omg does it take a while for me to get used to that opacity.

Oh for sure, i bet going from watercolor to gouache is a huge whiplash. The opaqueness is really what separates it. That makes a lot of sense.

How are you liking yours btw??

Yanno, I've only played with mine a couple of times, but it's really intimidating. They're so thick that it's hard to paint with them unless you water them down, but if you water them down then they lose that opacity and the texture becomes unstable. The blue here is gouache, so you can see what I mean. I mean, it's fine, but it's not exactly the smooth one color matte I was looking for.

I have a hard time figuring out how to use them properly. Is it better to water the whole container slightly before use? I just dont know. I can say though that as far as using them for watercolors though, they're interesting. You can get a really wide array of colors off a single dip of gouache. Ive only tried the one color so far though.

[Personal time~ My grandma taught me how to use oils when she started going blind and gave me her paints. I painted one canvas for a friend and decided I really really preferred watercolor haha. But I’m glad for the experience! Still can’t identify oils by sight to save my life xD]

You grandma taught you? That's so sweet and wholesome. What a great bonding experience. My grandma was really artistic too. I don't blame you for not liking oils as much though, they really are tough. Not to mention they take a looooong time to dry. I'm not really that patient. I did a cute oil a while ago of kirby that's still drying, but the whole time I couldn't help but feel digital would be way easier xD I feel like I also enjoy watercolors a lot more. What brand do you use? I got these nice winsdor and newtons but for some reason I still gravitate to those basic oval ones. I've never tried the ones in a tube though. They're expensive so I've never committed :')

It’s my pleasure! Your responses are interesting and your links are definitely helpful! ^o^

I feel the same way about you!! :D

How did you learn to draw so well? Like was it from classes or a book on fundamentals or just trial and error?

//// thanks for the kind question!

I guarantee you I would have improved faster if I’d taken a class, but I hope some of the materials I’ve used over the years can be of use to you too:

Andrew Loomis’ books - I never made it past the first chapters, but those had some great advice.

Youtube - Proko’s bean method. Figure drawing references will greatly improve anatomy and “drawing what you see”. It’s boring imo, so doing just 5-10 minutes a day can keep one from burning out while still seeing improvement. Speed painting videos are a nice way to relax and study.

Will Terrell’s People Drawing series - He’s a humble man with personal advice for artists. I watch his videos when I feel discouraged or lost.

Art, art, art - Whenever I see an artwork that I like, I figure out exactly what pleases me: line thickness, nose shape, finger positions, composition, the way the hair bends in the wind, etc. Then I try to incorporate that specific characteristic into my own art.

I have growing folders of (I’m a bit embarrassed) almost 8,000 pictures, organized by characteristics, for the sole purpose of studying their prettiness. Sometimes we don’t need a tutorial to spell everything out, just an example can help us envision our own works’ potential. Also, staring at pictures is a relaxing way to study too!

And of course, trial and error~ I don’t post my sad, failed paintings or all the weird sketches I make, but they exist and teach a lot!

[writefightandflightclub]

Hi! I draw illustrations every now and then when im inspired and reading hospitable wolves I thought a lot about doing a fan art, im thinking about three sheets: Marc and reader in that bar they met, them talking by the window with her smoking and finally another one of her later on going to work and Marc kinda following her (that last one it’s kind of a head canon I just made up, hope it doesn’t bother you!) I would need some outfit inspo tho, just you telling me what she would wear in that bar and an everyday outfit would be good. Only if you want of course! Sorry for the long text 😅🥰

Oh my GOD. I’m overjoyed that you would even CONSIDER drawing a fanart of one of my stories 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Thank you so much for even thinking about it - it makes me so happy to know it inspired you!

I know I took a little while to reply so zero pressure - I know inspiration can be a fleeting thing and so you may well have moved on to other projects by now. But, if you DO still fancy drawing something for this, please find my headcanons (and some mood boards 🤪) on outfits etc. below the cut.

Of course, whatever YOU imagine is valid, so please do whatever you feel. I trust your vision, so do feel free to discount everything I said! 😝

I’m gonna describe this a little backwards to give you some context. So, reader is an archaeologist, probably spending a lot of time flitting between London and Greece - at least before The Incident. Her clothes for digs would be super practical as they’re just gonna get dusty and dirty anyway. Hardwearing but light materials to stay cool in the sun. The colour palette and mood I imagine for her includes pale blues, citrine, whites, slate gray. Colours inspired by faded things - sun-cracked terracotta pots, statues rubbed clean of colour, the fresh, open interior of a museum, the buzz of a yellow sunbeam in a blue sky, or cool moonlight bouncing off the water. Materials I imagine are linens, canvas, denim, leather. Things which feel natural, rough, a little raw, but comfortable. I can imagine her layering a worn denim jacket over some mucky and faded terracotta overalls, the evening sun sinking as she strolls the tight streets. I think one could almost perform archaeology on her whole outfit. Clothes that are well-loved and layered with stories themselves. Sentimental value items, patched and repaired again and again, or attached to some memory or travel or adventure she’s had. I like to think of her being practical, but adding in some soft and romantic details. Silver jewellery - perhaps something thrifted while inter-railing through Europe, or an old pendant of her Auntie’s. Perhaps little embroidered flowers on the straps of her dungarees sewn by her grandma or her flat mate or someone else special. Maybe plain white tees but with some sort of lace panel or frilled hem for softness. She likes old, storied things, and she wears her own stories on her body too. I think her going to “work” after The Incident would look a little different than it used to. I imagine she has to go deeper and darker and connect more to illicit trade networks (which she hates). She’s searching for something that can help her, in all the wrong places. I think she might keep the same colours - cool blues and silvers and slate greys but it all becomes a little sleeker, a little more restrained, professional. Literally a uniform to her so she can get by whilst moving in these circles she isn’t used to. If she’s pounding the London streets though, scouring antiquarian bookshops, for example, to find something which might save her - some answers- maybe she dresses more akin to how she used to (albeit with more layers for the cold). (I totally think Steven would love details like the little flowers and such and would notice e.g. the nods to ancient stylings in her jewellery etc. even if Marc doesn’t so much / is oblivious!) Mood board below:

Then, we have after The Incident. So, by the time she meets Marc in that bar….? Alright, so she’s really tapped into something a lot more primal within her by this point. Colours will have become deeper, richer, more indulgent. Instead of sky blues, for example, it’s midnight, fig, wine. Still some nods to the moon but it’s darker. Her materials might become more sensual too. She might wear something a little more risqué than she usually would have. Bare thighs and a bare throat and a heat on her skin. Lipstick deep enough to leave visible marks across Marc’s brown skin. I personally imagine her in a silky, mini, midnight blue slip dress. Very classic. Overwhelmingly simple. It’s a nighttime dress. She feels sexy. She wants to feel a little… undone even when she’s only just arrived. Moments away from lips on her skin. From a thumb slipping a strap from her shoulder and finding black lace. Smooth, sumptuous materials. Thin enough that she could instantly feel the warmth of broad hands on her body through the fabric - able to connect instantly to something animal within her. (I also really think Marc would enjoy the smooth feel as his hands slip along her body too.) But, in contrast to this undoing, I also feel like she would start to add some protective elements back in. Tougher, darker materials. Almost an attempt to feel a little reined in again. Like her own primal nature scares her. Think a tough leather jacket. Maybe blocky, patent boots worn tight to the leg and zipped all the way up to the knee. Almost disguising the vulnerability of her, even as she feels monstrous. I also think the silver jewellery would be retained, but it’s almost becoming less delicate and less romantic now. Maybe chunkier, and slightly reminiscent of chains and restraints. Moodboard below!

(Btw. Moodboards aren’t meant to suggest reader’s appearance / body type / skin tone etc. AT ALL. I was just going for images that evoked a mood, and was limited by what I could find on Unsplash.)

Anyway, I hope that makes sense! And that it helps! But again, don’t worry if you have completely moved on. This was fun to think about anyway! 😄🧡

I love the sound of the panels though, and please know if you do create something that I would absolutely LOVE to see your take on it!!!

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[ephemerlskies]

the lighthouse | jjk

⇢ pairing: reader x jungkook

⇢ genre: one shot, fluff (what's new), strangers to "lovers", mutual pining, so much sap you're gonna have to shower after reading this, ANGST, jungkook is a literary scholar (?) of sorts

⇢ word count: 12k

⇢ warnings: as stated before, it's Cheesy with a capital C, lots of introspection, brief mentions of death, explicit language, mommy issues, (((major plot twist)))

⇢ summary: you and jungkook had one thing in common: you were both lost souls stagnant in the search of some fulfillment. the one of many differences was that your story had been written on your sleeves, while jungkook’s was a story needed to be unriddled. was this going to be another disappointing chapter in the book of unattainable desires or could your encounter with the mysterious man who lived in the lighthouse lead to something much more?

a/n: i'm super proud of how this turned out even though it ripped my heart out of my chest... this was probably my favorite fic to write and ahh im so happy to release it!!!! i hope you lovely little angels enjoy!! :) <3

What makes us human? This question posed by your philosophy teacher had been stalking your thoughts hours after class had ended. As the rain padded against your umbrella, you piled in a few answers to this question. 

What makes us human? A question that would seemingly have a clear cut answer, but when you got down to it, there was no distinct characteristic that differentiates humans from other animals. It was easy to say something such as how we have complex linguistics or industrialized civilization, but that is to discredit how the packs of wolves howl to each other, the birds sing from tree to tree, the beavers diligently construct their dams, or the dirt cities in which ants build their own societies not much different than humans. 

You pondered the idea that we love so deeply, even when it is often unreturned, but there is no denying the way a mother bear strikes down any and all enemies to protect her baby cub is anything other than true love.

So, what makes us human? You sat on a bench placed on the sidelines where you could witness small scenes of the lives of passing strangers. This sonder might be what makes us human. The knowledge that each person lives and loves and cries and fears and speaks and dies in ways with which you will never begin to familiarize. Life continues on around you despite how unimportant it may seem to the rest. 

Does a lion waste any moment of his time wondering how the deer had found its way to the shallow pond, whilst preparing to strike? Of course not. 

You watched a couple clinging onto each other and wondered where they met. You then were captured in the peace of an old woman prodding around in the grass with her golden retriever; perhaps it was her last companion. Then, your eyes drifted towards the two boys pushing each other over but with the gentleness one could only assume that was out of friendship or perhaps brotherhood.

And then you saw him. 

Gentle fingers tracing the stacks of magazines lined in a perfect column; an arm that disappeared into the sleeve of his dark, wool coat. A tweed newsboy hat sheltering his eyes, and deep chestnut Oxford shoes stepping lightly, nearing a tiptoe, between the cracks of each cement plate, weathered by the infinite other shoes that tread on those very grounds. A body so magnetizing and moving as if it were a secret, and you couldn’t imagine why no one else had been ingested by the enigma that is this man. You longed for him to reveal these secrets that hid underneath his hat and coat, though if he wouldn’t, which he most likely wouldn’t, you had no problem with seeking them out yourself.

In a city filled with young souls draped in modern streetwear, jeans, bright colors, and converse or Dr. Martens or perhaps high heels, catching this needle in the haystack plugged into every synapse of wonderment. The muted tones of his clothing gleamed the brightest out of the sea of strangers.

This is what made you human. Your desire to know everything that lies barely beyond your wingspan. Everything you could hold was close to nothing in meaning, and everything your arms could not reach was always all you could ever want. The rise of your legs, the way you replicated his every movement, running your fingers along the stack of magazines, fastidious prancing in the spaces between the cracks, and your subtle pursuit of the man just out of reach was what made you human. 

Bodies bustling through your path failed to untether you from this chase. It felt far beyond your power to stop yourself from the rising excitement and allure in your chest that pulled you towards him. The man was quick and swift to dodge oncoming bystanders, however your eyes became a missile fixed on a target. 

The unexpected turn he took had you floundering for you had been trapped behind an older lady and a couple walking side by side. Sadly, your memorization of the streets and landmarks had been admisal, so you found yourself in uncharted territory. Each road sign and corner store had been displayed like a foreign language, and you mentally cursed yourself for letting your silly lust for learning what shouldn’t be learned lead you into this difficult position.  

You stood defeated, the man had evaded your fragile trail behind him with ease. You lost him, or maybe he got away.

It was still midday, prompting you to make an end of this means. Your eyes discovered the coast set along the edge of the town, and though this was the furthest you had ever gone, you dared to go further. This mishap of yours granted you the opportunity to introduce yourself to the shore, and the waves have always delighted your interest. So, you found it just to walk down to the sand. The sound of the water pressing into the wet sand was calming; it was something you could find yourself getting used to. Luck presented itself kindly, giving you a moment unencumbered by the rain that had ceased not long after you stepped foot on the beach. 

You took this time to be with yourself and sort out all the problems that have been worrying your mind these past few weeks. Your best friend, Chaeyoung, had an upcoming birthday that had snuck up on you before you had the chance to even think about getting her a card, let alone a gift or celebration. And you would be disappointed with yourself if you failed to outdo last year’s efforts. There was also the test in your Chemistry class scheduled only a day after her birthday, curtailing your plans of staying out late because there was no way you would allow for anything less than your very most on this exam. Then, there was the essay on what makes us human that you denied any chance of regaining priority to your list of worries, knowing it would gnaw at your mind until you forcibly shut it out.

And the man that willed you to seek him out, and that wore the title of his stories as if he intentionally wished to spark your wonder to learn them.

That should have been the last of your worries. It should have been. 

The day began to fade into a warm, orange dusk. Skies once gloomy and grey now covered in blankets of clouds reflecting the sun’s gentle rays and you found yourself reunited with the calming feeling similar to when you first stepped on the beach. 

Not long after registering how far you had traveled along the shore, you noticed a quaint lighthouse with a house-like structure at the base. The off-white stones cemented up until a red paneled roof covered it, tempting you to know what lies behind those walls.

It looked like it was about to rain again.

Are lighthouses closed off from the public? 

There’s a house, there must be someone inside that could help me find my way home. 

All these comments to yourself made to premise the conclusion of entrance into this lighthouse. As you approached the door, framed in oak lining and painted red, the clouds appeared heavy once again. A few drops of condensation was enough persuasion that what was about to be done was for the good of your well being. You pushed it open and a creak echoed around the room inside. 

The walls were covered with stone bricks and there was one table in the center of the room. Other than that, this house was barren and if it weren’t for the second door that you guessed led to the lighthouse you would have called a car to take you home. 

Your walk was pensive and mouse-like; there was some quality about this structure that made you feel like you weren’t alone and sudden movements would disrupt an established peace. Your hand turned the cold, gold-plated handle and pulled open the door, soon being met with a warm gust of air that engulfed you into the lighthouse. 

This part of the building was exponentially more decorated than the room that preceded it. A staircase cemented into the sides of the lighthouse plastered with shelves upon shelves of books spiraled along the cylindrical walls, paired with dull lanterns that illuminated each level of railing had you drawn into its magnificence.

You stared up to what looked like a platform that held a place in which one would rest and look out into the ocean. There was no one in sight, and you assumed permission to climb up the staircase. Your eyes scanned each spine, creased and slightly warped from the moisture of the air, like they had been read over and over again. Your breath became heavy and your stare was focused on the books to ignore the dizziness settling in.

Reaching the top of the staircase came as a blessing, your lungs were close to catching fire. There were two armchairs, side by side, one fashioned a knitted blanket and the other was used as a table for five to seven or so novels, and the walls behind buried in high stacks of more books. There had to be at least seventy in the first half of piles you accounted for, and before you had the chance to snoop around the rest of the room you heard a voice coated with alarm behind you.

“What are you doing in here?” Your breath halted as you turned around, about to explain why you had let yourself into this building, however no amount of words could fully justify this invasive act. 

You recognized the wool coat and the tweed hat now resting in his hand instead of on his head. His eyes were shrouded in a youthful innocence despite his attire that implied he was a sophisticate of some sort. 

“Are you going to answer me or do I have to call the police?” The boom of his voice was chilling, sending shivers along your neck and chest. 

“Sorry, I’m-” How could you possibly defend your intrusion without sounding juvenile or absolutely insane? “I was… It was raining and I just was walking on the beach so-”

“So, you decided breaking and entering was better than getting a little wet?” His barbed responses hurdled how you plaintively stuttered around excuses. Despite his efforts to seem menacing, you couldn't let go of his boyish facial features. It was absolutely astonishing to you that someone who looked young enough to attend your own college and handsome enough to garner quite a bit of attention had anything to do with this dingy, aged lighthouse.

“No, I was going to come in here to ask for directions. I’m lost.” The pitiful temperament of this comment was not intentional, but the man who now stood in front of you felt itched by it. He couldn't ignore how your legs trembled, partly from the cold but also because of his raised voice directed at you, and how that admittedly aroused some guilt.

“It’s fine. Just-” He sighed deeply, placing his hat on the side table adjacent to the left armchair, “You can just wait here until the rain stops. Though, I have to say it looks unrelenting at the moment.” The man’s attention was captured by how the heavy rain seemed to wage war against the raging tides. You caught a glimpse of a smile. The slightest upturn of the corner of his lips almost compelling you to reveal you had spotted him in the town earlier today, and that you found yourself enamoured with his every movement, and he was ironically the reason you were stuck here.

“Are you sure? I can go, I shouldn't have been here in the first place.” The words escaped from your mouth quickly as if they were trying to race each other to be spoken.

“No, I said it’s fine.” The suddenness of this offer hushed you. He then removed his wool coat, unveiling the clothes he wore beneath it. The burgundy crew neck sweater layered tastefully over a collared shirt was just as old fashioned as every other article of clothing he sported. How intriguing.

“I'm sorry.” Your muscles grew sore from suppressing how aggressively you would have been shaking from the cold. “Thank you.” Him granting you shelter gave you motive to keep the umbrella that would suffice to protect you from the rain under wraps. The option he presented was far more favorable.

“Sit down. Please, use this blanket.” He gestured towards the throw draped over the right armchair. His eyes avoided you as much as he could manage though you had this glow emulating from your wanting eyes and soft looking skin that crept to the corner of his vision too brightly to ignore. Consequently, this comment soothed both your body and mind for he unguarded a kindness that was hidden when he first spoke to you. 

“My name is ___.” He was facing the window that displayed the sea, now thrashing and falling into itself, and without moving his head, his eyes drifted towards you.

“I know who you are.”

“Wh- How?” Maybe accepting an invite in a secluded lighthouse on the beach wasn’t the safest thing you could be doing on a Friday afternoon. Anxiety pioneered a place in your breathing, turning it rushed and choked.

Before your mind could theorize all the ways in which you could make an escape from this room or how quickly you could use your hidden umbrella as a weapon he said, “I noticed you following me in the town’s square earlier today.” You sighed, releasing the terror that pricked your lungs. If anything, it was he who should be afraid of you.

“I’m not a stalker!” That weak defense was all you could push from your throat before any well constructed explanations could be put forth. 

His laugh, along with his cryptic gaze towards the waves, made you feel even worse about your actions.

“You were just so stunning and I wanted to know what kind of person still wears a newsboy hat without trying to make a statement.” Your lower lip tucked between your teeth stopped the nervous laugh about to spill and expressed worry that the more you tried to explain yourself, the more this man believed you should be charged for stalking not to mention trespassing.

“Stunning?”

“I mean, like, someone I’d want to meet.”

“What were you planning on doing once I stopped somewhere, or noticed you?” He questioned you only because he relished how you were scrambling to a proper defense. He knew you weren’t any threat to him, not many people were, however he enjoyed your chatter more than the silence that would have taken its place.

“I don't know, maybe just… introduce myself?” This sheepish, yet honest, reply had you drowning in humiliation, while the man before you seemed as if he were floating effortlessly along the surface. 

“I’m Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook.” Relief replaced the worry that he would turn you away, leaving you to the hands of the storm outside. The fact that any other person would have done so led you to believe Jungkook held a lot more compassion than he let on. You held your hand to greet him, finding it only polite to execute this formality. His, however, remained folded behind his back, notably denting your ego as you retracted your hand quicker than you extended it.

“Okay.” You muttered to yourself in slight embarrassment from this trivial rejection. “So, do you live here or something?” Your question was first replied to with a breath of annoyance. Jungkook was kind enough to allow you a sanctuary from the rain, exemption from the intrusion and stalking, and now he found himself having to entertain you.

“Yeah, something like that.” All this disinterested answer did was persist your attempts to break his catatonic gaze. However, his reserve had been solidified steadily over the years, so this venture was going to be tough.

“I didn’t know you could live in a lighthouse?” Your inquiry was spoken with the hopes this would ignite a lasting conversation. 

“It’s not a lighthouse, technically.” Jungkook’s affirmative tone flew right over your head, conjuring even more annoyance that oddly enticed him to continue responding to your dense questions.

“Well, it looks like a lighthouse. It’s shaped like a lighthouse. It’s on the beach, just like a lighthouse.” A chuckle joined the sigh of his breath and his head that shook at your shallow observations. Jungkook eventually turned around and made his way towards the stacks of books, trying to preoccupy himself from whatever this exchange was. “All signs point to this being a lighthouse.”

“Well, it’s not. Lighthouses are meant to send signals to the ships out at sea. This doesn't,” His curt response tickled your amusement, only encouraging you to further aggravate him. “Therefore, not a lighthouse.”

“Okay,” You sounded agreeable, but this was soon followed by a doubtful comment whispered just loud enough for Jungkook’s ear to catch it, “It’s a lighthouse.” He found his stoicism melting away due to your spiteful attitude and conniving giggle in the face of his frustration. You wanted to get a rise out of him, and he knew this, and you were doing a fine job at it.

“It’s not-” His voice elevated with excitement, but he soon tamed the defensiveness threatening to spill from his lips, “Do you want to go back out into the rain?” 

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Though, you sounded all but remorseful. The sly smirk resting on your face matched Jungkook’s satisfied expression, despite these smiles surfacing for different reasons. You couldn’t deny how humorous it was to distemper this man. How all the worries you laid out like the pebbles and seashells on this beach were washed away by the tides. Meanwhile, his grin provided little contribution in masking his enjoyment of your company and relentless curiosity.

You now sat in the right armchair, bundled in the blanket. It was not necessarily a thick blanket, but the chills once disturbing you had dwindled almost immediately. You were still entranced by Jungkook's movements. His hands were now occupied with a book from one of the stacks he’d been eyeing; the way he cradled the book like it was a newborn baby further revealed he had a somewhat protective attitude towards them. 

“What are you reading?” His eyes remained between the pages and lines of the book, but his focus was yet again thieved by your incessant curiosity. Jungkook thought it irritating similarly to how one would find a cat disrupting their owner from work, annoying yet ever so endearing, and adorably distracting.

“I’m not reading, I’m being bothered by you.” His snark was meant to damage your brazen pestering, but unknown to him it merely fueled it.

“Boohoo.” No matter how elementary that retort was, you still managed to fever him and hold hostage his attention.

“I’m reading The Odyssey.” Jungkook surrendered to you, placing the book on his lap that was now sitting in the armchair next to yours. “Why do you ask so many questions?” His eyes laid on you the same way they laid on the sea, filled to the brim with fascination. 

“I just wanted to know what you were reading.” Even when he expressed a clear indication that he was past your nonsense, it went unnoticed like the particles of dust flitting around the darkened room. This oblivion of yours prompted your next question. “Could you read it to me?”

His eyebrows furrowed at this request. Jungkook had already found himself exhausted by your persistence, and predicted ‘no’ would not be accepted as a viable answer. He just sighed and began to read aloud.

His soft voice somehow drowned out the sea’s commotion. The words flowed off his tongue as if he wrote the book himself; such poise for a young man lured you to immerse yourself in his narration and time grew more and more abstract. 

After a bit, Jungkook paused to examine how you'd received his reading and he was pleased to find your chin resting in your palm and your eyes and ears fixed onto him as if he were reading the gospel. This made it difficult, impossible, to deny entry for the subtle blush working its way on his cheeks.

“Are you satisfied?” He closed the book, peering out of the window to check if the weather had eased since you arrived. Though the intensity of the storm hadn’t lightened in the slightest, there was a new tranquility adopted by the drizzling sky waters that sank and fed into the waves.

“Never.” You replied with a hungered conviction twisted into your words, “What happens next?”

Jungkook laughed in shock of how eager you were to hear more of this story. It was unlike someone who wasn’t well versed in literature to genuinely enjoy listening to this archaic novel. 

“Why are you laughing? Read more!” Your whine came off a bit childlike, but succeeded in its goal. 

“It’s getting late.” He commented with a gentle sternness, though he proceeded to reopen the book. Your peculiar attention naturally drew him to oblige your desires. Even in the midst of a storm, even as the hours slipped by and the evening had been born, he continued to read.

You settled back into your chair in rejoice that you’d get to spend a bit more time with Jungkook. He was practically a stranger, and still there was a climate of comfort and intimacy that took the place of the crisp, winter air when he read from his book. He felt it too, and that was reason enough to allow you this company.

Throughout the chapter he had been working to finish, he snuck glances to find your eyes growing heavy with sleep as each page turned. Jungkook halted from reading and was trapped in the flush of your cheeks and lips and how your mouth hung slightly ajar as you inhaled the cold, wet air of the lighthouse. The puffs of breath that billowed from your lips had him yearning to know a warmth so full with life and curiosity.

“Are-” Jungkook tensed at the idea of disturbing your sleep, as if you hadn’t barged into his life without a hint of permission. “Are you asleep?”

Your head lifted slowly, then held stiff to maintain consciousness, “I was just resting my eyes. I’m not tired, I want you to read more.” You said this in spite of knowing you would drift asleep if he did.

“I think we are done reading for now.” The book closed for the last time, his hands pressing against the cover to seal his assurance. “You should head home.”

“But, I don’t know how the book ends.” This weak argument came from a place of jaded desperation. Regardless, he almost fell victim to your subdued urgency but any sensibility he could garner warned him not to allow this. You were quite obviously tired and he prefered you be safe in your own bed before the night advanced.

“Well, that’s because I only just started this book and it is very, very long.” Jungkook hoped this would usher you out even if that meant the return of loneliness would seep between the pillows of the right armchair after you left him with his solitude. 

“Well, I won’t be able to get these questions out of my mind unless I finish the book.” Another weak argument drained from your inventory of excuses. Maybe a change of subject would present an opportunity to linger in his company. “Also, why do you live here all alone?”

“I just do. I feel like I don’t have to explain this to you.” Jungkook was bewildered at his admission to give you, an unannounced and uninvited visitor, any explanations and still he was close to doing exactly that. “You’re quite invested in my personal life.” As much as that was true, his withdrawal from your curiosity wasn't all that effortful. Living in secrecy and desolation had the feeling of companionship nearly vanishing from his memory and you reunited him with  that warmth. And, he had not realized how it had nearly been forgotten or how much he missed it until he finally felt it again. 

“You seem like someone who has better things to attend to.” The lament that stained his words bore such heartache that was soon displaced in your chest. 

“No, no. My life is boring, and I don’t know. What person wouldn’t be interested in the personal life of a hermit who lives in a lighthouse?” You stood and paced around the platform towering over the swirling bookshelves below, towering over what felt like the entire world with Jungkook. The end of the blanket trailed your footstep as your drooping eyes skimmed the multicolored novels which were remarkably arranged alphabetically by author. How he had the time or patience to organize the hundreds of books he owned was beyond your comprehension. Every detail you acquired from Jungkook was stored in a compartment of your heart, almost as if it were assigned by fate. They were told in riddles and secrets and everything else meant to be deciphered.

“Not a hermit, and not a lighthouse. I couldn’t imagine someone like you being bored with your life.” His voice had become welcoming, with a hint of genuine interest, and this transition felt imminent ever since you first introduced yourself. The tilt of your head signified your agreement with his last statement and implied there was something that bothered you about this truth.

“Someone like me?”

“Someone like you. Curious, young with your whole life ahead of you. It's hard to believe you should be bored with that.”

“You say that as if you aren't the same age as me.” Jungkook shrugged lazily and scuffed his shoes against the rug as he now stood against the window sill, observing your interest of his books.

“I shouldn’t be a lot of things, and yet I am all those things. Bored, curious, and I’m here talking to a complete stranger that totally has the capability to murder me like in those movies instead of going back home.” Your comment that snuck out had wrested a soft chuckle from Jungkook. They were absentmindedly thrown into the air that filled the space between you and him, nurturing his reciprocated fascination with you. Your diligent grazing of each book had distracted how the weight of your eyelids heavied by the minute.

“It’s not like I don’t have great people in my life or a quality education that takes up most of my time, I just,” Your brief pause was to turn your attention over to Jungkook, who did not hide how he was listening intently to these confessions, alleviating from a place in need of emptying. His eyebrow was arched in a manner that jolted you back to your senses. You’d revealed one too many privacies to someone who you had been acquainted with only hours ago. Mortification would have bathed your body if not for the way Jungkook seemed to strongly engage with your openness.

“You just?” He staged his interest overtly to correct the imbalance of how your genuinity left you hanging lower than him on the emotional scale. Jungkook believed that was the least he could do to mitigate the embarrassment about to silence you. 

“Uh, I just never seem to be satisfied with what I have. And that makes me seem like a greedy, spoiled child which makes me even more frustrated with myself.” You admitted, pulling the blanket over your shoulders tighter as if that would shield you from the compromising guilt slithering out of your body. “And that’s how I see myself. Ungrateful and spoiled.” This certainly scraped the barrel of your deep rooted disgust with yourself.

“Not spoiled, just lost.” His response felt like a soft and thoughtful embrace, granted that this was meant to ease the tinge of reproach in your heart. The words he spoke caressed your cheeks and told you that every horrid thing you thought of yourself was flawed.

“I’ve certainly been in your position.” He euphemized what he really wanted to say to you, that he saw himself in you. Even though you spoke very little on this, he felt himself living every experience you alluded to as if he had been right beside you your whole life. Or rather that you had witnessed his life and suffered identical desires and grievances and adversities and were simply retelling his story down to the most intricate detail; and somehow you made it sound brand new and a thousand times more aching. He was stranded in a state of amazement, ambushed by your pain and how even in moments of emotional destitution, you were unquestionably beautiful.  

Likewise, this stranger, who was no longer estranged, and his kind words nearly compensated for the billions of people you could never meet, all the dreams you wanted but could never alter into incarnation, and all the disappointments that plagued your heart.

And you felt held by his words, his voice, him.

“You’ve been in my position?” You requested confirmation.

“I was. Certainly.” And he confirmed.

“Where are you now?” In turn, you wanted this to suggest, ‘where can I find you?’

This question carried profound sentiment on both the giving and receiving end of it. To you, this yearned for advice. Any piece of wisdom would gladly, gratefully be accepted to ease this rampage of constant dissatisfaction. To him, it resurfaced a series of speculations long undisturbed until you had asked this question; a place intentionally void of all attention because it was sometimes too grim to remember. A haze of difficulty crowded a definite answer, though he knew there was one. He couldn’t place his finger on a fitting response and found himself next to you in search of the answer.

Where are you now?

This haunted his mind for a bit, leaving him speechless and albeit impressed, for once, by your curiosity. 

“It’s hard to say. Somewhere in between, I suppose.” Whatever meaning this carried did not resonate as sound to you. The mere idea of being on the end of perpetual longing, waiting for a clear path to the end that promised fulfillment, made it implausible to settle on being somewhere in between the two. Again, you were left unsatisfied and feeling a burden placing itself on your shoulders and wallowing a fit of disappointment in the pit of your stomach. Jungkook noticed how your eyes fell from his, down to the maroon accents of the rug, and felt out of place. Out of place, in his own lighthouse, all because your gaze and attention he’d grown used to in this short time wasn’t directed at him.

“That’s the kind of ambiguity that leaves me so hungry.” He nodded in agreeance with the twisted cruelty of his response you had pointed out. Jungkook didn’t know how or why he’d come to turn every corner and check each crevasse to find what could settle your appetite. This whole time, though, he sailed through this painstaking search without a trace of uncertainty. His illusion of disinterest and annoyance soon dissolved into the floor that your eyes hadn’t strayed from. 

“Maybe if I lived in a quaint, not-lighthouse I would be satisfied with that answer, but I don’t. I live a normal, normal, normal life.” The repetition of your words stressed your fatigue of this dullness, your desire for everything just inches away from your fingertips.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a normal life. I think it’s wrong that we have put the idea of drama and excitement on a pedestal.” This outlook, unlike the last, did gain traction in stripping the thick ambiguity around Jungkook’s mind. To your surprise, you could be satisfied with the small pieces of this man’s mystery being chipped bit by bit. 

He was well aware of his deep rooted appreciation that accompanied your eyes as it moved towards him once again. There was some sense of purposefulness in this glance that demoted his callousness to tender captivation.

“Can I ask one more question?”

“I have a hard time believing you only have one more question.” His doubtfulness didn’t seem to discourage you, or him.

“For real! Only one more, it’s important.” The only way to prove whether or not this question was truly important was for you to ask it. His head nodded his approval.

“What do you think makes us human?” Before he could answer, a swell of perplexity had overtaken his thoughts on this. You could tell, out of everyone, Jungkook would have a profound answer that could save you hours of contemplation over your philosophy essay’s prompt. 

“That’s an interesting question.”

“An interesting question in need of an answer.” You prodded him for his response, though this was pointless if there was no response that could possibly be constructed. Not a response of reason that you seemed to require, but of feeling. Like an instinct, and that in itself made it inapplicable to this question.

“Ask me again some other time. I don’t know if the answer is that simple.”

But, of course, it was. The answer, in his eyes, was blindingly clear.

“I’ll hold you to that!” He gladly took accountability for that commitment. An unfamiliar contentment with the unknown had lodged in your chest when the promise of spending time together emerged through the once conditional circumstances. The promise that transformed those conditional circumstances to voluntary acts.

This humbling discovery left a wide grin on your face, beaming directly towards Jungkook. 

Jungkook peered over to the antique clock placed on a shelf next to the window. The aversion of his eyes was to save face from how your soft smile that projected praise and attachment had effectively unnerved him; he stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide his fingers that twitched out of pure elation. 

The hour hand stationed on the twelve carved in roman numerals verified how his company had erased any discern for the hours that passed. They had floated away so silently, slowly that you could have sworn time froze altogether. 

“Oh shit, it’s midnight? Fuck me.” The decibels of your voice boomed against the walls, it could have shaken the stacks of books down to a pile of mess. “I’m sorry, shit. I didn’t even realize it was so late.” You unraveled yourself from the blanket and collected your belongings in a bit of a frenzy. 

“It’s alright. I, um, I had a nice time.” He distanced himself from you swiftly as you dashed across the room to the edge of the stairs. Even in a hurried state, you still looked back to him and offered a smile, unsure if that was enough to suffice for a proper gesture of gratitude. 

“Me too.” The words were close to inaudible, but you knew he heard them loud and clear, along with the string of implications that were laced in them. 

“Oh and by the way, make good use of that umbrella. It looks like it could start raining again.” Your ears felt engorged with flames when he’d revealed his knowledge of your little secret. It was foolish of you to believe you could outsmart Jungkook because what you thought obscure was well within his range of astuteness and the umbrella, still damp from the rain, was apparent from the beginning.

You didn’t catch how he’d been smiling when you turned away bashfully, strutting down the stairs in an attempt to portray false confidence. But if you did, you would have picked up on his mutual indulgence in your visit, the absolute bliss laden in his eyes. You grasped tightly to the joy evoked from the thought of seeing him again, however your nerves held a tighter grasp that did not allow you to express this to him. Perhaps your giggles of excitement, surely heard by Jungkook, spilling from your throat as you rushed out the empty room or the way you clutched your umbrella to your chest in admittance you had purposefully kept that fact from him would give Jungkook a clue of how thankful you were to meet him. And even more so to be able to see him again.

As you parted from the lighthouse that was not a lighthouse, something in between, you felt that the comfort you once had taper off with the growing distance from the not-lighthouse. You were fraught with a gentle yearning to turn back, run up the spiraling stairs, settle yourself back into the right armchair, and ask humbly to stay a while longer.

Little did you know, Jungkook’s hopes coincided with yours like two concentric circles. 

(One week later)

If it wasn’t the question left unanswered that motivated you, it was the fact that you missed the view of the beach from the window. Or maybe it was the countless supply of book titles that you didn’t get to finish inspecting. Perhaps it was that you missed how the soft blanket complimented the feathery cushion of the right armchair. 

Any of these excuses could be suited to explain how you rushed through the town, determined, goal-oriented and passing down streets now ingrained in your memory, with a destination clear in mind.

But it definitely couldn't be how dearly you missed the sound of his voice when he read to you or his smile or the way he studied the waves with gentle affection. No, it couldn't be that.

Either way, you arrived at the base of the lighthouse. It had been a week since your first visit and you hoped that the invitation still stood for your return. Making your way through the empty room felt quick since you hadn't wasted time to notice how the table now had a vase of flowers in the center. Nor did you notice the new mat placed in front of the interior doorway to the lighthouse.

Your heart dropped from your chest when you reached over to the door knob only to find it was locked. You turned the handle back and forth as if that would miraculously function as a key to unlock the door. After a bit of knob fiddling had proven itself useless, you turned away with a huff of air releasing your frustration. 

The click and turn of the handle had you twirling around optimistically and seeing him made all that disappointment dissolve. 

“You’re back again.” He was smiling at you, then cocked his head to say come in. The moment you stepped into the lighthouse, its lackluster disappeared as if by magic. But Jungkook knew it wasn’t magic at all; it was the person that hid their umbrella, and asked him to read and promised to return as much as he promised to let you return.

“I believe you promised to keep reading to me.” 

“Did I?” The reasons for your return weren’t all that important to discuss, both you and him were just glad to make your way up the stairs to the two armchairs once more, hearts both racing not because of the physical exertion from the stairs but from the excitement rasping through yours and his bodies.

“Yes, but this time I won’t fall asleep.” 

“We’ll see about that.” There was no question that your intense focus wasn’t because you cared about the book he had been reading. In all honesty, you would not be able to summarize any bit of the plot if someone asked. You probably would have a hard time even naming the author of the book because what sank you into the words on the pages wasn’t the story itself, but the voice that read them. Jungkook made those languid paragraphs sound like the first words ever to be spoken; he reinvented the English language through his unique dialect, inflections and phrasing that had the words of Homer dancing off the pages. So, of course there was no question that you wouldn’t be able to name any of the characters or recognize the writing style of Homer because those details faded away, leaving only the memory of his voice with you.

This time, Jungkook didn’t have to offer you a seat. He made it clear that this spot had been reserved and waiting for you by the way the blanket had been folded and worn by the arm of the chair and the new pillow resting at the base of the chair’s backrest. You planted yourself on the cushion that felt more plump than the last time you sat in it and faced towards the large window that showcased the ocean’s energetic swaying.

“I would never get tired of this view.” You commented while Jungkook pulled back the curtains further to widen the seascape. He too was drawn to the deep blue waters making their way to and from the shore. 

“I usually don’t leave the windows this open, but my love for the scenery of the ocean has rekindled.” When he said this, your eyes hadn’t budged from the window unlike Jungkook’s that peered over to you. You pretended not to notice that or the way your heartbeat had taken a quickness that had your skin growing warmer. 

“How could it leave in the first place?”

“It is well known, especially by you, that having an abundance of something lessens your appreciation for it.” A corner of your lips lifted at this, knowing exactly what he had been referring to. Each wave passed by and in a comatose-like state, you wondered where on the shore it would land.

“No need to call me out already, Jungkook.” He had left the window and retrieved The Odyssey that hadn’t left the side table since the night he read it to you. This broke your trance, and you shifted to face the left armchair.

“You made it too easy, ___.”

“Okay, Hermit.” Your smile did wonders to ease the irritation in Jungkook’s chest to tenderness. Though he refused to admit it, this otherwise taunting nickname sounded affectionate coming from you.

“Technically a hermit is-”

“Technically, I don’t care about your technicalities. No amount of facts will persuade me that you aren’t a Hermit.” Jungkook dug his tongue into the side of his cheek to resist from joining in with your laughter. He’d been fidgeting with the book that was waiting to be read, but neither of you seemed to mind putting that off.

“Ho- How was your day?” You shouldn’t have felt as proud as you did for making a man who could read aloud for hours stutter over his own words, and nonetheless you were extremely flattered by this.

“It was good.” Good never really meant good, and Jungkook knew this.

“And what’s the truth?” Your playing field had once again been unleveled, the advantage returned into the palm of Jungkook’s hand in the blink of an eye. His perceptiveness had been bordering on annoying but still remained on the side of impressive.

“Well,” You bunched the blanket in your fists as an expression of worry, “My mom called today.” Anyone who could hear would be able to tell you sounded unhappy about that.

“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” Jungkook articulated his question to get the answer he’d been looking for, finding the hostility in your voice far more interesting than the actual conversation between you and your mom.

“You don’t know my mom, but she projects her over achieving personality onto almost everyone she meets, but most of it goes onto me.” Your back had straightened when mentioning your mom, almost as if it were a reflex, like Pavlov’s dog, that you were conditioned to be on guard at the thought of her. “I don’t know why I get so mad at her when she does that because I know it comes from a place of love.”

Jungkook hummed softly, granting you space to continue talking. 

“Yeah, it probably comes from a place of love but part of me doesn’t believe that. Part of me thinks every time she calls to check on me it’s really just a ploy for her to nag me on what I could be doing better.” You scoffed as the conversation from earlier in the morning played out in your head again. Envisioning the back and forth between you and your mother only fueled your frustration but you couldn’t help yourself. There was no stifling the seething anger imploding before Jungkook’s eyes. “She always says stuff like, ‘Maybe if you applied yourself more you would be doing better than this.’ or ‘I told you that you should have done this or that and now it’s too late’ or the infamous ‘Do you not care about your future?’ lecture that just gets under my skin. She’s so good at saying the wrong things at the wrong time. I don’t know how she does it but she always manages to rub dirt in the wound.” 

“So, she’s never satisfied with you?” Jungkook observed.

“No, never! And you’d think a mother would be supportive or happy with all the things her child had already accomplished but somehow it’s never enough. And she knows what she’s doing. That makes it worse. She knows how she weaponizes my guilt against me.” You held your tongue from the much longer rant about to digress, feeling a sudden discomfort in the way you’d been complaining to Jungkook. You couldn’t understand why it was all too easy to talk of these kinds of things to him, why he looked so interested in what you were saying even when anyone else would have grown tired of you by now, why you found in him a warm confidant much more comforting than you’d expected, yet there was no way to dismiss this reality.

Jungkook did not offer advice, or tell you that you should be thankful or that maybe you were handling these situations poorly. He did none of that. His silence was more thoughtful than any number of things he could have said. He simply listened. 

You rose from the chair to get a closer view of the sea. Past your reflection in the glass, the consecutive tides seemed to grapple over the next and the next; the previous wave always just short of reach to tackle the immediate wave. He had followed you without a word, living up to your desire to have him at your side. There was no need for mindless comments or condolences to fill the silence, only mindful amity, at your side, because watching the ocean with you was enough.

“So, that was my day.” It was the first thing spoken after a period of quiet, perfectly timed and delivered for it to bear a dry humor in its intention. Jungkook and you laughed, finding this the long needed release of tension in your head. 

“Is this going to become a habitual thing?”

“What’s that?” 

“Me complaining to you about my personal struggles that would have gone in my journal or somewhere far more private than this.” All said while your and Jungkook’s gazes didn’t wander from the view of the window. “Me inviting myself into your lighthouse, or not-lighthouse, whatever.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.” Two heads turned towards each other almost as if it were on que.

The way your pupils dilated and softened conveyed every bit of thanks you held in your heart but couldn’t muster the courage to voice. Jungkook’s doe-eyed smile thanked you likewise and confessed the gratitude for how you had rescued him from yet another lonesome afternoon with a curtained window, an unused blanket, an empty chair, and a melancholic silence as he read his one of thousands of books. Not including The Odyssey, that was for your ears only.

“You wouldn’t?”

“Maybe a little.” His tease succeeded to provoke that smile of yours. And even though that was a favor on his end, he was the one that felt graced by it. Realistically, a smile costs nothing yet there grew an enormous debt in his heart; and even though he couldn’t afford it, all he could do was bask in every detail your smile, of the crease of your eyes, and of the way your cheeks took the form of a sweet Spring Peach, and the scrunch of your nose and brows. Before he sank himself deeper in debt, Jungkook beckoned for the two of you to return to your seats and read all your worries away.

---

Who would have guessed that The Odyssey, of all things, would be the thing that would occupy most of your Fridays through the rest of the winter? Sometimes you visited a Sunday, and other times you’d find yourself needing to hear The Odyssey on a Wednesday evening or a Monday morning. The days on which you swung by the now familiar lighthouse would vary, but they remained a weekly occurrence. 

Jungkook had grown comfortable with this routine, reading to you while you watched him and the waves, but mostly him. Occasionally, his reading would cease to an interruption of his own doing to ask how your day was in a very specific way that only Jungkook seemed to exhibit. He’d ask you say anything but ‘good’ or ‘boring’ and he’d clarify that he wanted you to not leave out any details. 

“Why?” You would ask. And he’d look at you as if you set yourself on fire.

“It’s important to me.” He’d reply as if it were that simple, or the answer you were looking for. Still, if it was important to him you didn’t need any more persuading.

Like when you told him you stopped by a coffee shop, he’d tell you to specify which drink you ordered and how it tasted. 

“Cinnamon.”

“Is that your favorite?”

“No, I prefer peppermint but sometimes I combine those flavors and that becomes my other favorite.”

“That sounds sweet.”

“It absolutely is.”

“Does that make you happy?”

“It makes my insides feel like Christmas.”

“Is Christmas a feeling?”

“It is to me!” He smiled at your childlike enthusiasm because it made life seem a lot more appealing than he’d ever believed. Before you, the world was a little greyer. After you, suddenly full of vibrance, saturated to the grandest extents.

Or the time you brought a candle to fill the air with something a bit more pleasant than the smell of the old, wet stones of the lighthouse.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a candle, vanilla and patchouli.”

“Where did you get it?”

“I don’t remember. I just found it in my house and thought this place needed something sweet.”

“But you’re here.” Your teeth bit down on your tongue when he said this. You almost fallen trapped in figuring out what motivated him to say this, but the flattery of his comment was all too pleasing to ignore.

“But I don’t smell like vanilla and patchouli.” You said, only to save face from the fact that you suddenly felt like a deer in headlights when he looked at you, bracing for when he would crash into you and hoping to god you can absorb the exhilaration of souls colliding; and hoping to god he would crash into you.

“Could you light it, then?”

“Of course.”

And the room filled with a sweetness that complimented your company finely. Now, whenever he would smell the scents of vanilla and patchouli he would think of you, and you of him.

He would continue asking these simple questions, and so on.

Why he thought it was essential for you to relay these almost invaluable intricacies was beyond you, but it did make you feel heard; it made you feel held as it always did. It made the value of your life gone without the need to be earned or proven, the value of the smaller moments that fell between bigger moments. 

It made it all okay that you felt like you stripped the clothes from your whole life off for him to revere and that he’d rarely ever display such emotional nudity for you; you were okay with lying bare before his eyes, vulnerable and pliant to his every whim. Even when you wanted to know all of these things about Jungkook and he’d hold them captive or he’d only offer half sufficient answers, you collected as many bits of the puzzle as possible to try and piece together his story.

“How are your parents, Jungkook?”

“Long gone.”

“Oh, Jungkook… I’m sorry for your loss.”

“I watched them grow old and content and that softened the blow.” 

“Are you lonely?”

Yes, it’s excruciating when you are not here. I am tormented in your absence and all too plagued with despondency and I wish you knew that.

“I’ve grown used to it.”

“So you have.”

“So I have.”

You did not want him to be lonely; you didn’t want him to ever be sad but you wanted him to be able to say that he was to you. You wanted him to be able to tell you he was lonely; you wanted him to want you to know his heart. You wanted him to feel as naked as you felt. Vagueness was all you could ever manage to arrest from his gated mind. 

And for once, the little he had given was more than you could ever ask for.

Sunday mornings with Jungkook were your favorite. The ocean was tame during this time on Sundays specifically and sailed you into its calmness; you were half asleep, resting on the sill running along the base of the window panes. Spring had been approaching which meant there were radiant glimmers of the early sun that reflected and glided along the ripples of the waves. Jungkook once said that every time he looked at these little pieces of diamond rays, he believed the sun and the sea performed in devotion for you and him alone. 

“I love that.” And indeed you did. The idea that no one else witnessed this ocean, not this one, not the way you and Jungkook had, was a greedy disposition but felt so true.

“Would you like me to read?” He said in place of, Is my voice properly fitting for something as lovely as this moment?

“I want you to talk, but not of books.” You blinked slowly at Jungkook, “Could you tell me about yourself? Just one thing, anything you choose.” He saw those specks of diamonds glimmering in your irises. He felt so close to you, sitting on the other end of the window, and close enough to finally surrender a bit of his gated mind.

“When I was a child, I knew my days were numbered. The details of why aren’t important, but I digress.” You stuffed a scoff down your throat at the assertion that the details weren’t important. Him, of all people, claiming the details were unimportant had you whirling in a paradox. “With this in mind, I did my best to fulfill everything any child would have wanted. And I don’t think I’ve ever stopped because that list of desires was never ending.” 

Was this what he meant when he said he was in my position once? You wondered.

“I spent all my time looking for the next best thing I could achieve, because the best things that I had was, as you know, never enough. One week, the best thing would be finding a four leaf clover to give to my mother. The next, it was being the first in line for the new, long awaited comic book. Or, it was the time my father took me fishing on the lake, and then seconds after it was the first fish I caught and threw back into the water, and that best thing was soon replaced by my father’s proud smile.”

Your throat tightened as you visualized a young Jungkook sitting on the dock with his father, full of youth and excitement, and how nostalgia had ripened into your heart even though you had no place in this memory of his. This dream-like sequence had compelled a few tears to fill your eyes, fogging your vision of the older Jungkook that sat before you. 

“When I grew older, in my adolescent and teenage years, the next best thing was fulfilling a newfound passion. It prompted me to buy out almost the entire library and major in World Literature. I spent the rest of my days from then on immersed in reading, as you can see. It was the only place I felt like I was achieving the next best thing, and it was cruel when I came to realize there was no way in hell I could finish all the books I’d collected in time.”

“In time for what?”

“In time... for the next best thing to come along, I guess.” This answer appeared fabricated, but was subtle enough to pass through your mind without a second thought. 

“And did it? Did it come along?”

It would have made no difference if your question had been asked to a brick wall because Jungkook brushed it off as he did every other question that would have given you another piece of his puzzle. He took precautions to avoid a defeat to your pouting by walking over to the left armchair and burying his face in the book’s fortitude. Before you had the chance to reiterate your question, Jungkook began to read, making it all too clear he was evading.

“Jungkook?” You whined to which he paid no mind by continuing to read.

“Is he being serious right now?” Again, you might as well have been talking to an inanimate object. There was nothing to be done when he lodged his restraint other than joining him in your armchair, quietly, permissively.

Every day, like this one, spent with him had you convinced it couldn’t be surpassed in enjoyment. And every day, your expectations had been exceeded. That was something you’d never think could happen. Soon, the cares and worries of this Winter melted as the avenue of Spring had unfolded before you. A long path, surrounded with flower blossoms and diamond coated seas, or in other words, the unfathomable had fallen into your hands.

The remainder of this pleasant Sunday had been consumed by The Odyssey and Jungkook’s voice singing its words as smoothly as the waves surrounding the lighthouse and small conversations during the pauses of his reading. One struck you into reminiscence of the first night you met.

“You never answered my question.” He paused, flipping through the many unanswered questions he’d left with you. Jungkook raised his brow to order specification of which one you referred to.

“What makes us human?” The due date of your essay passed over two months ago, however this didn’t diminish your curiosity to know his answer.

“In all honesty,” He paused and looked to assure you would believe his answer would be honest, or honest enough to cater your satisfaction. “I think it’s our desire to achieve the last best thing.”

Every fiber in you compiled its own list of questions in regards to his yet again ambiguous answer, though you had grown to accept that as a part of Jungkook. And you sure as hell accepted Jungkook, ambiguity and all.

“Hm.” It didn’t take a mind reader to know you had theorized any and all connotations branching off from his answer and he didn’t mind that you could be lost in search of whatever the actual meaning of it was. 

The moon was in its fullest bloom tonight, and tomorrow, it would begin to wane into a crescent then into nothing but an empty space full of new and perhaps fortunate opportunities. Jungkook found the romance of this lunar phase well equipped for the dusty instrument he discovered in the base of the lighthouse. 

“I found something that I think you’d like.” Your ears perked like a dog when it’d been presented with treats. “But you have to go get it. It’s in the other room.”

Whatever this surprise was, it had excited you enough to ignore how you’d have to descend and re-ascend the many stairs that would surely tire you. Your eager legs would have jumped right from the platform to the bottom of the lighthouse if the reality didn’t result in broken bones. As you rushed to the door to the other room, you pushed through and discovered a telescope standing in the corner of the otherwise empty space. A few moments later you were hustling back up the stairs, the telescope making the re-ascension of the stairs ten times as strenuous. All the while, Jungkook just stared in amusement at the way you struggled your way to the platform.

“No, I don’t want any help, thank you!” You said sarcastically through grunts of exertion before positioning the instrument in front of the window.

“Well, I didn’t offer you any, so, you’re very welcome.” He stood on the other side of the telescope, admiring the way you fell so easily in love with it, hands scaling the length of the scope.

“Do I just?” You pointed to the eyepiece at the end of the rod and he nodded. You brought your eye to the magnifying glass which was flooded with the enchanting glow of the stars. You’d never seen them this close, but this little gift of Jungkook’s had catapulted you into the illuminated abyss of the night sky. A measly woah was all that squeaked from your voice, because all the other words were stolen by the stars.

“Can you find any constellations?” He’d seen all the stars in the galaxy; that he was sure of. But none had shone brighter than the person he couldn’t tear his eyes from. Three o’clock had crept onto the antique clock, this late hour had worn down Jungkook’s walls completely as the soft glow of adornment laminated his eyes. 

“I think I see ORion's belt. That’s the only one I know other than the Big Dipper.” You laughed at your own lack of knowledge of the stars. Knowledge didn’t seem to matter though, the beauty of the stardusted sky had taken care of that deficiency. You lifted yourself away from the telescope, allowing Jungkook a turn to stargaze.

“Have you heard of the Astral Plane?” Jungkook asking you something other than, ‘how was your day’, was a rare occurrence which most likely meant this was of some importance.

“I’ve heard of it, but I think I’ll need you to refresh my memory.” You really did need clarification on what exactly the Astral Plane entailed, though you mainly just wanted to hear him explain it. 

“Some say it lies in the fourth dimension. It isn’t tangible or something that can be touched. It lies between everything, every atom, every cell, every city and forest and mountain and even between the crevasses of one’s own mind and soul. A place like this is full of divinity and complete attainment and the way it is reached has been theorized by many.” Jungkook’s meticulous readjustments of the telescope had you wondering which constellations he was searching for, or maybe he’d been looking for Venus or Mars or the Moon. “Some say you arrive there in your dreams, or when you reach enlightenment, or when death draws its curtain on you…  I-I don't know why but I’ve always thought that it was stitched into the sky. Far beyond our galaxy, maybe the Astral Plane has situated itself in between each star, just like it does our souls, and exists as the vastness of outer space.” It turned out he wasn't looking for any of those things, he was looking for the Astral Plane.

Could the heat rising throughout your body be merely adoration, or was it something along the lines of a forlorn longing? When he spoke, you felt this sensation growing dense in your bones; you felt a gravitation towards him.

“Seems about right to me.” Fondness had stained your tone which filled some void in Jungkook’s hungry heart, and he’d failed to predict you were the one that would be able to settle it. “Maybe we’ll never reach the Astral Plane, but at least I’m here with you.”

When you said this, the hairs on his arms pointed towards the ceiling. For once in a very, very long time, Jungkook felt a euphoric resurgence striking through the catacombs of his soul and hot tears dripping down the expanse of his cheeks, to the tip of his chin, and onto the glass scope that was shielding this sudden emotional combustion. He blinked away the tears to the best of his abilities and turned away from you and the telescope and the sky. Jungkook felt the push of air from your movement towards him, but he shifted further away. 

“Are yo-”

“I found a cluster of stardust, go look.” He averted you from him and you always fell victim to every trick in his book. 

“Wow, that’s amazing!” The grip you had on the telescope was firm, like you were trying to hold onto the stars themselves.

“Amazing.” He said. This reiteration wasn’t for the stars, however. He wondered if you knew that. He wondered if you could feel how consumed he was by your magnificence under the full moon that reigned with gentleness over the waves. The once wild tides, now moving with the same serenity and romance embedded into Jungkook and this lighthouse. He wondered if you could see he had been emotionally disrobed and bearing all his affection for you. And he wondered how he was so okay with that.

Six o’clock didn’t feel like six o’clock. Your eyes that struggled to keep open told you otherwise, so again you and him were parting ways as the sun had begun dawning over the horizon and there were no more stars to fill the hours slipping away. Jungkook did all he could to compose himself. He’d offered to walk you out; you reached the door that led to the dewy, Spring air awaiting your departure from the lighthouse.

“Wait, ___!” This exclamation echoed louder than the beating of his crimson heart. After stepping through the threshold, you turned to meet his gaze, teary-eyed from what you guessed was from lack of sleep. Teary-eyed from what he knew was because of another egregious goodbye. “Thank you.”

This moment seemed fitting to test the theory that actions speak louder than words. This moment called for the lapse of courage in need to act, not speak. This moment was the moment when you finally expressed the thankfulness that, to you, seemed to outweigh his by pressing a tender kiss to his cheek. It was much colder than your lips and the docile warmth of the morning, but once you pulled away the warmth had stained his cheek. 

Jungkook felt like every cell in his body was evaporating into the space around him. Like the way a fire would extend its heat into the air or the way Spring melted away the frost ridden Winter, your act had covered him in a blanket of love and refuge from the loneliness once vaulting his heart. And it certainly spoke louder than words; all the words in every book Jungkook had ever read and the words left unsaid and the words passing between everyone in the universe.

“I’m the one who should be thanking you, Hermit! You helped me see Orion’s Belt up close and personal!” You called as your strides began a slow fleet from a laughing Jungkook. You waved, now standing a generous distance from him, and he found this gave him the space needed to finally let his tears fall. 

“I love you.” He whispered, hoping the wind would carry it to your ears and heart.

A revelation had overcome him, and no matter how many times he tried to wipe the tears away, they’d be instantly replenished like a stream of water rushing from a conquered dam, spilling over endlessly, with all control suspended in the air around him.

Was it finally here? The last, best thing?

---

A week after the stargazing, your mind had mapped out the stars as you too searched for that Astral Plane. To you, Jungkook’s proposition of it being strewn in the night sky was the only theoretical that made sense. You wanted to flaunt your newfound passion for this concept he’d introduced, and admittedly - and more importantly - you wanted to kiss him again, leading to yet another blissful walk down the seashore to the lighthouse. The air was warm but not humid, carrying a breeze that evened out the sun’s heat nicely. A few pillows of clouds were cascading through the sky, never staying in one spot for too long; you’d come to appreciate each one’s temporary presence and when they passed, you grew to appreciate that as well. The gaze once fixed on the sand had now traveled to the waves of much gentler motion than ever before. 

This walk, unlike the dozens of others, felt different. The streets looked lovely and the air felt clean in your chest, giving you a pleasant journey far more intimate than the last. Then you realized, it felt like you were walking back home.

When you grew closer to the lighthouse, you noticed the curtains had been drawn which was strikingly unusual for a sunny day such as this one. This was a passing observation as you made your way to the base of the lighthouse. 

Through the door to the room before the lighthouse, you were taken aback to find your armchair sitting in front of the table. you walked up to discover a single, folded parchment sealed with a red wax stamp labeled with your name along the top of the paper.

This felt eerie, for some reason, and you called out his name only to be met with silence, before sitting yourself down and unsealing the note.

It read in his voice:

My Dearest, ___

I wrote this to relay a lot of things left unsaid. The first being goodbye. I’m sorry to have to leave you like this, though no amount of remorse could possibly appease my actions.

Your heartbeat had grown rampant, until your eyes read those words. It was then when it stopped altogether. Still, you continued to read.

I kept things from you like the fact that our encounter in the town’s square was all but coincidental. The truth is scary, and my truth would have turned you away from the beginning. It was selfish, I admit, but I do not think I could have endured such a loss. Forgive me for keeping you in the dark all this time, but I am beyond gratified for what you granted me in spite of that.

Maybe it might seem cruel. You are not alone in feeling that — never alone. But, we were never meant to spend every Sunday morning, or Friday evening, or Wednesday afternoon together to watch the waves float along with the hours lost reading to you; I knew this was not the end of your story, just mine. 

The books I have read over and over have imprisoned me in search of the “next best thing”. To my dismay, I thought I had run out of time to find it. But then you came along. You helped set me free by allowing me to live out a few more “best things” through the way you shared your life with me, unselfishly, warmly, kindly— You helped me move on.

I know you too will move on from this. I hope I could at least leave you with the tools and courage to find each “next best thing” in store. If not that, then this lighthouse, open to you and only you, and a myriad of good memories to ease our parting. I know in my heart you deserve nothing less.

I hope you find contentment somewhere in the sea or on the sand or in the stars, or perhaps somewhere in between.

Once you do, we will meet again within the Astral Plane, my love. I swear it. And if you miss me, just look through the telescope and find me woven in the spaces amidst Orion’s Belt.

Thank you. Again and again I thank you and it is still not enough. Thank you for you, for your warmth, for your salvation, for your smile, for your endless questions, for re-introducing me to the aroma of vanilla and patchouli but it was not as sweet as your companionship, for putting good use of the right armchair and the view from our window, for making the odyssey a little less lonely to read, and thank you for stepping into my lighthouse and my life.

Don't you see, it was you. You were my last, best thing.

with love and sorrow,

Jeon Jungkook

Before you got to the end of the letter, you were racing up the spiraling stairs, ignoring the burn in your tightened chest, how the air in the lighthouse had suffocated your lungs. The dizziness that blurred your eyes had not slowed your climb up the stairs, and the wetness of your tears now seeping into his letter.

You reached the top, The Odyssey greeting you on the chair Jungkook would have been seated in. Your breaths were staggered and warm, filling the mournful emptiness of the lighthouse. 

“Jungkook.” You whispered. You begged for a reply. The curtains were drawn over the window, like never before, and exposed a bronze plaque peeking out from the end of the fabric. You pushed the drapes aside to read what was engraved into the metal plate and the first page of The Odyssey that hung below it.

In loving memory of our beloved son, Jeon Jungkook. May he rest in peace. 1918-1942.

The note below read: 

The Odyssey

Jeon and ___ Lighthouse.

You pieced the puzzle together, finally. And with that, came the final picture, so beautiful and mesmerizing and everything you could have ever hoped for, and more.

“Jungkook.” You repeated as a bid of farewell, with a heart full of satisfaction and content, and Jungkook. You pressed the letter to your chest in hopes his words would mend your aching heart. 

And it was true, he was not your last best thing, only one of them. 

But he was undoubtedly your most cherished and beloved best thing.

[monochromemedic]

I’m sorry to say but the last panel of your self ship art is too cute. I’ve been giggling at the size difference for too long. You need to stop that.

(This is a JOKE btw, I always love seeing your self ship art, it’s great. Pls never stop making.)

5′11′ vs 6′0′ guys 

also thank you. Don’t know why plas as become my obssesion, possibly cause ‘new media monkey brain focus’ or maybe just there’s alot to do with him or he’s easy for me to just draw but ya know.  The man makes me happy so I just followed my 1 am desire of ‘draw bullshit while watching random videos’ Thank you though, honestly I think im doing more self ship stuff cause people are so open to it. I thought people would hate it but people tolerate it and like it and it makes me happy. Even if I just draw super dumb things or really bland ‘self ship stuff’ (like romance? no. me standing 5 feet from the character? wow that’s romance)

[majimemegoro]

Ohhh thanks but now I’m debating on having a one shot to go with it, I can’t handle drawing that much but I have a few scenes I want to put in.

IM NO WRITER as I haven’t written anything with more than a few paragraphs since my minecraft fanfiction from 2018

Since Nishiki’s storyline has concluded it’s time to do what I do best and ANALYZE. I looked at the Yakuza 0 flashback sequence as well as the sprites for RGG online, what I found was shocking.

THEY WEAR NORMAL CLOTHES??? Is that a white t-shirt?!

I also feel like Kiryu would get onto Nishiki for trying to buy drinks when they’re underage. (In the MENU SCREEN during the FIRST MISSION of Yakuza 0 Kiryu notes that they haven’t drank alone in awhile, even though the drinking age is 20.) Maybe Nishiki doesn’t drink because at 16-17 Kiryu isn’t in the Yakuza quite yet,, this wouldn’t take place on Pink Street’s karaoke place as Nishiki shows him that in Y0 NOR WOULD IT take place in Serena. (Nishiki introduced him in 0 then they were regulars by Kiwami)

Kiryu doesn’t want to disappoint Kazama by breaking the law so early, especially when he’s technically a civilian.

“Well, whatever! If you’re gonna such a stick in the mud about it, then drinking won’t be as fun now would it?” Something along those lines.

(I can’t write well so I have to scrap a bunch of stuff I thought about to adapt into a comic.)

Instead I think I’m gonna make Kiryu super awkward to where Nishiki has to comment about how stiff he is. Nishiki squints at Kiryu and he can just tell which song he was too timid to pick. (Yes hello analyst Nishiki is an amazing headcanon)

And that would make up the full first page which I have two panels completed of already. Also I’m thinking that I’ll color the scenes,, when Nishiki is present/Kiryu thinks Nishiki is present. I’ll be referencing how Kiryu imagines Nishiki’s backups in 0 while he’s not actually there. It’s going to slope downwards from that point.

(For the Kiwami portion I’m gonna do it to where Kiryu rents a karaoke room for two. You can imagine the rest;; just like how Kiryu is)

He’s just not gonna have a great time in the comic/writing(?)

come time for Kiwami 2, Kiryu won’t be able to sing the song at all.

If you’re not bored by now I could tell you more about the second and last pages? (OH NO there’s FOUR) thanks for reading and I’ll tag you when I finally get the first page out

I LOVE ANALYST NISHIKI AND I LOVE ALL OF THIS, 100 % ICONIC

I’m ready to enjoy and be in pain :(((( I’m not bored and im happy to hear any details you care to share