#im struggling with ideas. not really finding the joy in it myself.

[luckyshouse]

Ok actually no I did think of something to say about your bigender flag in particular albeit several hours later. I think honest to god the post promoing it helped push me into accepting that I am bigender bc I saw the flag and the art and I felt such a spark of pride and joy that really surprised me. And I thought on it more and was like Damn this identity isn't mutually exclusive with pride and with celebration... Bc I've been in a lot of spaces that are really judgemental and rough towards anyone who isn't "decisive" on what "side" they're playing on. And anyways I think that gave me a really important little push and I'm grateful for that experience

i am very very happy to hear so, and your words resonate a lot with me. i also rejected being bigender for a long time because it sort of felt like an "aftermath" label to me, often times it felt like i was admitting i am "less" trans than other thans people, or admitting that i wasn't fully a man. i had to work on a lot of my own personal misogyny to get to where i am not where i can happily say that i am both man and woman at the same time, and its something im very very very prideful for, and im happy to share that with other bigender people however they identify or express themselves. i often find myself still struggling with this idea, im both bigender and bisexual which means im technically both wlw and mlm, but it also makes me feel like i'm not really welcome in either spaces. as an intersex person this isn't a new experience to me, but its one ive continuously found myself frustrated about in my own transition. too much of a girl to be a guy, too much of a guy to be a girl, too much of both to be neither. and i LIKE it that way, i love being a boy and a girl and anything in between all at the same time! its something i feel very proud of an very very deep in my soul, and it makes me very sad that the community is so fractured that we don't even really have a flag. oh well, i think it kinda fits you know? being bigender is so diverse and different for everyone that it makes sense that theres no unifying flag. but man, it really does make it hard sometimes i think.

sorry, thats a lot of my own experience shared. im very very happy you like the flag, and were able to come to terms with your own identity because of it! i relate a lot, and i want you to know that there are people who feel like you and will accept you for all parts of you, not just one or the other. have a good day!

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

[spilling-my-guts-to-you-guyss]

Is life really worth living...?

Ive been fighting my life with tnis question ringing through my mind, ive answered yes and no before. Ive acted upon my yes and nos before.

Lets admit it, life is fucking terribke. No one likes life. People exist out of tgeir own will and hate themselves. Tgey mentally degrade themselves, physically harmthemselves, and emotionally lock themselves up. I can testify fkr all three.

"But why? What about the joys in life?" There is no real joy in life.

Friemds come and stay sure. Some will go and some wjll fade. True friends will never leave, but those are rare to find, especially today.

Little things. Little things tgat once made me estatjc brought me joy. Luttle things that once brouggt me joy made me happy. Little things that made me happy dont make me happy anymore. Ive grown numb.

My mind has been paralyzed with fear ad doubt and anxieties od the world and dwpressing ideas. Failure was all i kmew, and the steuggle tk merely exist grew too much to bear. Ive thought about God, wondering if he coukd still help me. If he would welcome me with open arms jnto the iridescent gates of heaven.

I craved God and his love, but i grew impatient to recieve it. Life grew worse in returm, and so did my thoughts. I needed God, so i wantedn him right away.

"To die is gain" paul once said. Of course i thought so when preparing my suicide attempt, fkrgettjng the rest of the verse. Downing pills, all 55 of them, i thought of Him. Of God. Woukd he be mad if i were to arrive in heaven early? Woukd i even make jt to heaven? Was i... was i truly saved?

A christian shoukd never think of suicide, let alome put it into action. Yet there i was, lying in bed wkth a foggy mind, shutting my eues in hopes to be greeted by my creator in the next few momens.

Yet i didnt.

I awoke in pain.

Unbearable pain.

That night was the worst ive experienced, lying helplessly on the bathroom floor with tears in my eeyes, clutching myself in pajn. 4 times i threw up, all through the night.

A grounding pain.

I couldnt breathe.

I was in so much pain,

I called to God

"Im sorry... im so sorry"

And He listened.

"Please let me live.. ill give all my life, all of everything to yoh... i can try, im sorry"

And He listined again.

And im greatful for that. I never thought i woukd be, byt i am.

That night passed, the nexr day i was considered "sick" by my mom, unknowing of my attempt. So what if she didnt knoe.

God knew.

The next few months, self harming grew worse. But i told a friend, a close friend. I told her eberything. All my struggles and attempt and

And she listened

And she cared

She helped me.. she assisted me and affirmed me and gave me love.. whule still knowing my dark thoughts... my tendencjes and habits. Even now she still does. She is a very clos friend tgat will never leave me no matter what,

And friends like that are rare to find, especally today.

So back to the question- is life realky worth livi g? This stressful shitty life that no one truly gives a fuck for? That people kill themselves ocer? That people cut themselves over? That people cry and panic over?

No. Its not,

But

The real worth is those who care. The close friemds tgat are there for you no matter what. Magbe you have them, maybe you dont. If you dont, im terribly sorry. I hope you find someone like that.

So yeah i hate life. Yeah i still have suicidal thoughts. Yeah i still self harm. But guess what? I have people to help.

I have friends

I have close friemds.

I have God.

And He gives me hope.

Thank you for everything @theweirdbox123 . You truly mean the world to me.

As well as @the-ellia-west . Thank yoh so much for everything.

I love yoh all.

[screentones-webcomicresources]

do you have any advice for aspiring author-artists who already work full time (40 hrs per week) day jobs?

i straight up don’t have time for anything outside of work, taking care of my pets, general housekeeping, feeding myself, and sleep. i’d have to sacrifice time for one of those categories to do anything outside of them. and i frequently do sacrifice that time. usually sleep and housekeeping.

(i am looking for part-time work that would let me bring in the same amount of income per month, but i would have to sacrifice my current health care while im in the middle of trying to address my own medical needs)

Our work-life balance episode has some good thoughts we definitely recommend you check out, because we struggle with this too! It can be tough depending on your energy levels, and sometimes the answer really is to wait for a season of your life where things are less busy before you jump into a large comic project.

But it's still possible to make progress at your own pace. Here are some things that help us:

Keep something you can draw or take notes with on you when you have a bit of downtime in your day. You can use a notes app on your phone to document an idea or edit an outline when you have something come to you, or keep a sketchbook at your desk depending on your set up. Depending on your transit options, sometimes you can also draw on a bus or train.

Team up! If you have art friends in your neighborhood, consider starting or joining a club or meet up to draw after work (this also has the much-needed benefit of social time). You may also be able to hire art assistants to help with flatting or another part of your page-making process.

Reclaim some of your time if you can. Get someone else who wants to watch the animals once a month and go on a weekend art retreat to focus (large or just hanging out in a library or someplace where you can concentrate - going to be different for different people). You may find some other ways to simplify your daily routines or multitask to get some time back in your day for comic-making.

Set realistic expectations and don’t compare your results with someone who works on a comic full time. This may mean scaling back the scope of your story, simplifying the art style, or working at a slower schedule. However you make your comic, it still matters, and it should be an activity that brings you joy, not stress!

We wish you the best of luck!

[kr0t1]

HOOORAAAAAYYYYYY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉RED WHITE AND BLUE FIREWORKS EVERYWHEREEEE KABOOOMMMMMMM7M!!!!!!!!!!!!

beware cliche and me being emotional under the cut↓↓↓

this is our first new year on this blog oh so nervous!!! so this year was. really hard for me. i was struggling a lot and im so happy i decided to open my very own blog because the amount of happiness and joy i got from just posting and receiving many gifts and kind words is indescribable!! im not gonna lie i didnt think any of my art would get noticed and i was kindof content with the idea because i opened this blog mainly for myself and my friends BUT i was so baffled when i got recognised?2!?? THANK YOU!!!!! 8<J im glad you love my selfship stuff mainly krotux and im thankful for the gifts art and support you gave me seriously even a single comment saying 'cool' makes me so happy im squealing and jumping around thinking about that someone finds it cool!!!!! i found many good friends here (i know yall read this so. hi ily!!!) and had a ton of fun posting interacting playing drawing and drawing and being silly AND WOWIES THERES 264 OF US i love every single of you and i wish you HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! i hope this year will be full of joy and luck for you, whoever reads this❤️🤍💙 drinks pepsi in a fancy glass as a toast.... ah. delightful.

[freckliedan]

https://www.tumblr.com/freckliedan/769058798077902848/im-sorry-but-if-youve-only-been-a-phannie-since?source=share

i agree with you a lot (saying this as a REALLY new phannie, ive only been here a few months). hugs.

i feel like just simply wondering if someone could be trans shouldnt necessarily be seen as 'creepy speculation', and i notice that in general (with other youtubers/celebs etc not just phan) that when fans question if they're outside of what is considered to be the 'norm' in any way (such as queer, trans, neurodivergent etc) people call them creepy, parasocial, etc. but the same is not done if fans automatically assume them to be cis, straight or neurotypical. i feel like ppl upset with dangender may possibly be seeing it incorrectly, thinking that people are saying 'because dan said/did this, that means he MUST be this' but i haven't seen a singular person who posts dangender act like that, and i follow a LOT of ppl. the vast majority of what i see isn't even speculation, it's just positivity and ppl being happy about things he said/did, and being happy that he's happy.

being trans myself, i actually feel really happy that ppl find comfort/happiness in the idea of dan being of the cisn't variety and see it as a positive and beautiful thing. in media and real life it feels like transphobia is really loud, but little things like seeing people celebrate it here is what keeps me going. i'm not personally someone who believes in the idea per se (to me dan is just dan whatever he is haha), but i like seeing people be positive about it.

of course, not everyone will fuck with stuff like dangender and they dont have to, but like you said blocking/blacklisting words is always the best way to go about that. because otherwise it can come across as demonising something that someone only does to find comfort in. my time on the internet has made me learn that it's not always a personal attack against you if they're doing something you either dont like or find uncomfy. in fact a lot of the time it's not. i say this very gently to ppl against it, a random internet user who posts dangender is not doing it to hurt you or dan.

(linked post, with a lot of great additions in the tags)

anon! i'm really late to replying to this but thank you for chipping in! i sat on a handful of asks because i didn't want to accidentally create a strong discourse or answer asks while emotionally disregulated. and then bc i forgor.

but i'm still answering bc i especially love hearing from people with different phandom experiences & opinions from me 💛 AND because i know that so many people find joy and comfort in these kinda celebrations of whatever it is dan's doing.

i think you're really hitting the nail on the head w the creepy speculation thing—i've seen this reaction be especially strongest when it comes to speculation abt transness (esp transfemininity) and autism. it's a double standard! and it's coming from unexamined prejudice.

i think learning things aren't a personal attack is probably the most important possible piece here. over the years i've seen so many people behave poorly on phannie tumblr bc their feelings of validity in their personal identity were tied to their opinion of dan or phil's identity.

this was happening about sexuality labels before dnp came out, too—people used to get nasty about defending their bisexuality or gayness. and that pretty much always came from a lack of space between self identity and percieved identity of dnp.

i have a lot of compassion and understanding for people in that boat wrt dangender, you know? especially people younger than me. i used to run several queer support groups for young people, and every time someone was being hurtful with their views on gender it came from personal struggle.

i can't like, ignore it or let it slide, though. i love my kids from those groups to this day, but they didn't just hurt each other with some of their views. they really hurt me too. it makes it easy to spot when people are coming from the same perspective on here wrt dangender, even if it might be less overt and intentional shittiness.

i don't want to play dolls online with people who are in that kind of mindset! and that's why we love the block and mute functions of online.

& i also love finding & sharing joy on here about gender bc yeah! it fucking sucks most places. but we're home here 💛

[our-queer-experience]

Warning: long rant ahead, nothing graphic, I'm just questioning a lot. Probably rambly

I realized my gender is queer this year. I'm not fully sure what to do with that, but I think it's been a huge step for me.

I used to hate my long hair, and there are still days. I felt that my long hair was a mask, just a way to keep people from seeing who I really was, and that I wasn't actually a girl. A lot of people only talked about my hair, which was really dehumanizing, but also useful when you didn't want to be noticed.

Realizing I'm genderqueer has really helped with that. I love my hair now. It's soft, and long, and comfortable, and it's mine. I've put more effort into taking care of it recently because I feel such a deep connection and love to it.

Yes, I still use it as a shield, to protray myself as a woman, and I have days where I long to shave it all off just so people would stop assuming my gender. But it's getting a lot better. My hair is something that is mine, and it is precious to me. Gender has nothing to do with it.

I've started using she/they pronouns. The reason for why is complicated, as all things gender often are, but it was kinda just an acceptance that my gender is weirder than I thought, never thought anything would come of it.

When someone used 'them' to refer to me for the first time, I just about died of joy. I stuttered not sure I had heard that right, and then I grinned so wide when I realized. It was an amazing feeling.

I'm thinking about using a new name, even have one picked out, and fully they/them pronouns, but I don't think I'm quite ready for the backlash yet. It's really not safe where I live, and it's only getting worse. Using she/they is already risky enough.

With the fact that I 100% am usually clocked as a woman, and I have no intentions of changing any of my physical characteristics anytime soon (as much I want someone to please for the love of everything take my boobs and vagina away, no way is that happening anytime soon (also, I don't really want to transition at all in regards T, and want my hair to stay the same, which is weirdly controversial)), trying to go as they/them would only lead me to more pain. I don't want my idea of gender to become a battleground. And after dealing with all the backlash from being aroace, I'm really not sure I can go through that again.

I'd prefer to keep my complicated gender to myself than have it open to attack from the world. It's too new, too precious, too fragile at the moment. And the world is too dangerous.

Maybe someday I can use my name and pronouns in real life. Maybe someday I will hear them spoken by people I love. For now, I stick to safe spaces on tumblr where I can use them. I get excited those few times someone uses the more gender-nutral nickname for me, of use they/them pronouns. I find safe spaces, where I can find people struggling like I am, yet also succeeding. Also finding joy and hope and excitement and peace despite it all. Thank you for providing one of those spaces.

im glad my blog has been helpful! and thank you for sharing <3

[staretes]

Hello I had an idea I wanted to share this isn't exactly a request but maybe it could give you some inspiration. I was imagining something like a crossover between the Avatar Legend of Korra series and Honkai Star Rail. Where the Avatar is the emanator of harmony and the current avatar was a teenager and currently training on the Loufu under Jing Yuan's supervision because their guardians believed this would help since they had been struggling with their elemental powers lately.

ooh i didnt watch the legend of korra fully but i sort of know what happens!

for this to work im adding the path of elation to the roster and assigning elements to the paths heheh

• long ago, the aeons bestowed the gifts of elements to their followers • to those that follow the path of abundance, yaoshi gave them the ability to wield the imaginary, turning dreams into reality, so that they never suffer again • the followers of elation were bestowed the power of wind by aha, spreading laughter and joy throughout the galaxy, unbothered by the troubles of life, allowing their spirit to fly untethered to the world • nanook gave his followers the power of fire. fiery and destructive, burning the mistake that is the universe into ruined ashes. • to the nihility, IX left behind the ability to use ice. existence is meaningless, and what is the point of existing when you're frozen in ice, and nothing can do anything? • the people of the erudition search and search for more secrets in this world, and they know the world at a quantum level. nous gives the power to use quantum, and search for what lies beneath • to those of the preversation, qliphoth gave them the power of immense physical strength, to protect everyone they love. • those of the hunt strike like thunder. they used to be the followers of abundance, before yaoshi allowed the life to fester and turned the universe into an imbalance, and a follower named lan ascended to aeonhood and bestowed lightning to their people, to find yaoshi and make him pay.

you are the emanator of harmony. xipe gave its emanator the power to learn all the elements. once a emanator meets their fate, another one is reborn to take their place. your job is to keep balance and harmony to all 7 paths.

but in order to do that, you have to learn the elements first

7 is a lot, but you've managed to learn all except for the element of lightning.

your guardians left you to train under jing yuan, to learn the last element

hes a super good teacher! patient and understands exactly what you need

"this is hard, general!" you once complained to him

"lightning tends to be unpredictable," he explained. "you are scared of relying on something random, so you hold yourself back."

"lighting comes from an imbalance of energy. this imbalance causes energy to suddenly surge towards the side with less energy." he gently takes a hold of your hand, and corrects your stance. "draw the energy within you, and let it build up. don't worry about it overflowing, that's exactly what you want for now."

you breathe in and out, and focus.

once more, you concentrate your energy to the tips of your fingers. when they start to tingle, you don't stop like before.

larger and larger it builds, and suddenly a flash of electricity bursts out of your two fingers

"good job." jing yuan smiles. "now we just have to work on controlling it."

andd im going to stop myself there because its late and i need to sleep. is this what you had in mind anon? because its really very fun to write hehe thank you for sending it!

[words-put-to-get-her]

If you were your kin ( a part of reality without a human body) would you feel the same love/adoration towards everything like right now or is that love just the way your brain is coping, i. e. "If im not this xyz ill be obsessive over it to be as close to it as possible".

i do think i would still hold the same love as i do now, but if i were really myself, i think i would feel less pressure to make my love palatable, if that makes sense?

often, i find saying “love” doesn’t really encompass how i feel. it seems to soften my fascination with existence. i want to know everything there is to this existence, to myself, even the cruel and the twisted pieces. to say i “love” cruelty makes it seem as thought i am sanitizing the hurts of the world, when i am the hurt and the pain as well as the causes of that pain. with a human body, i find it exhausting to try and make my idea of love fall in line with human ideas.

i love the world, and i dislike the implication that if i love existence, then i must not love the pains that may occur to any existence. i truly adore the beauty in every piece of litter, every little germ, every biting ant, every stinging nettle. i am forever fascinated by the struggle of life. if i was truly reality, i would be able to feel and know every experience at once, the joy, the hurt, and all the wonders of reality.

sometimes, i find myself digging deep into the psyche of a character, a person, or an animal, trying so hard to understand the why of their behavior. i think this is me trying to find the understanding of things i know i would have if i were my true self, with a true and nonjudgmental knowledge of existence, of myself.

[idealspawn]

hey..... i must say. this has been the best week of my life. and im filled with utter joy. ive had like a.. rebirth? every once in a while i feel like im born again. the transition is really emotional but they are moreso growing pains than destructive pains. im suddenly surrounded by so many great people and possibilities and i finally feel like life is rewarding me, treating me the way i should be treated. in a way im reluctant to owe it to "faith" and see myself as a passive subject rather than an active agent in this but in a way i think i am powerless in some factors regarding this change. next month its my debut in like a culture (?) newspaper! at least they said they are very interested in my analysis but i havent heard back yet about the second version i sent them. i wrote my favourite poem ive ever written. and ive seen so many movies recently that have served as this transitional border. like as this extremely active sphere of both "death" but also birth. like metaphorically. ive been so vulnerable and i love it. ive cried my eyes out like i havent in such a long time and done like... meta analyses about my underlying beliefs to bring change and new energy into my life. you see.. i get really stuck on like.. nominal labels. at first they describe me but it tends to go unnoticed when it no longer fits or serves me and im only living a certain way just because of this nominal structure. but all these nominal structures are made for us. not that we are made to fit them. ive re-evaluated things now.. also out of nowhere people have been reaching out to me. maybe it truly does show up in my energy when im more open. like that it attracts other open, honest, vulnerable people. ive met so many new people and truly felt seen. this is a big thing for me. for the longest time ive struggled to enjoy time with people because ive struggled to find people who i share some kinds of values. i like diverse people but for example people who are open to explore communication on an emotional and relational level rather than only informational. thats important to me. ive been more confident in sharing my opinions too:) and participating in class and in life. going to places where i know id feel a bit uncomfortable and end up surprised. going to places alone is massive for me. it opens me up to new people and experiences because i simply dont have a choice to close myself off with friends im already close with. a woman came to talk to me after a lecture. she said she had been watching how i take notes in class (i write really fast.. i tend to transcribe literally everything the professor says). she said she has studied palaeography and asked to see my notes to analyse my handwriting :) she said its very unusual for people to still write in cursive if they write with the pen very much pointed upwards, however i manage to do so :D. it really made me want to also just reach out to people... like whenever and for whatever reason. and ive noticed people actually like talking to you when youre authentic and awkward. ive restricted my communication with people SO MUCH only due to the fact that i feel like i might not be insanely flawless in my self-expression. the nature too. the season is such that i see birth and death all around me. and its very refreshing. i like seeing change and being reminded of it constantly. it feels liberating. its a season that many people dislike in my country but im in love. i love people. i love physical touch. i love eye contact. i love emotions. i love ideas. i love agency in breaking boundaries. i love feeling seen and important and useful. i love authenticity and vulnerability.

[chronicmigrainetime]

im terrified.

I ve had this for over three years, its constant. its pain, tinnitus, noise sensitivity, the insomnia, the muscle tension, the brain fog. its the occasional immobility. the rare paralysis. its spending three days not being able to practice basic hygiene or eat

I’ve just graduated from uni. Everyone I talk to tells me that Im amazing for even getting beyond my first year with my condition (I started uni within 8 months of me getting migraine). They say I should be proud of myself and I am but

This last year was so hard. My depression is at an all time high, I wake up and go to sleep anxious. My pain was so bad. I spent 4-6 weeks bedridden and alone

How am i supposed to enter the workforce?

I know I’m capable, logically speaking I graduated with a law degree in a debilitating condition. I managed to do quite well for myself despite spending essentially 5 weeks completely incapacitated so part of me knows I’ll be okay.

I also know how bad it gets, how bad it was in the beginning, how bad it was during those weeks, how bad it was just at the end of last year, how bad it probably will be despite my every precaution.

if you have any advice Id greatly appreciate it. I know i need it.

Hi iselenris, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is scary, and I can understand why you would want to scream into the void about it. I have given it some thought and hopefully I can say something helpful, or at least provide some comfort that you’re not alone.

I can really relate to a lot of what you’ve said here. I became incapacitated by chronic migraines at the start of my second year of uni, had to take a year out and then came back part time. I did eventually get my degree (in physics) but it was a real struggle and incredibly detrimental to me physically and mentally.

Now you and I are both out here with prestigious degrees that we worked really hard for and that we can’t put to use. I agree that it is a tremendous accomplishment and I think you should be proud of yourself, but I also understand the hesitation to celebrate fully. We put ourselves through hell to get here, and that’s not sustainable. So what do we do now? And if we can’t do the thing we wanted to do with our degree, why did we put ourselves through all that?

It’s now two years since I graduated, and I still haven’t ‘entered the workforce’, which is maybe not the most hopeful thing to hear, but I do think in that time I have found an answer to those questions.

My answer to ‘what do I do now?’ Is to make you and your health your top priority. I get the sense that you know that this is a crisis, I think it’s a good idea to treat it as one.

I don’t know your situation so I don’t know how possible this is for you, and maybe this is a frustrating thing to hear, but my main advice on how to do this would be to stop for a while. If you keep going when your body is telling you to stop, eventually it will force you to stop, y’know? Unfortunately, stopping obviously requires outside support, but if you have that now is the time to use it. If you are in a position where you don’t have to work, don’t, and if you’re not, find something that uses the minimal amount of your energy while keeping you afloat. If you have the option of someone else making your meals, take it, if not make your meals as easy as possible. In any case my advice would be to use the time that you have stopped doing other things to:

Rest without feeling guilty, you are doing the work of healing

Unlearn the idea that your worth is tied to your ability to work, you are enough just by being you

Take note of how your body is feeling and respond to what it needs

Prioritise yourself and your body’s needs above any “shoulds” and “oughts”

When you do have the energy to do things, focus on the things that bring you joy or make you more comfortable

Learn about your condition(s) and the things that might help you

Decide what kind of medical care you want to try and get (if any), and get the ball rolling on it

How long will it take to feel well enough to come out of this recovery state? We cannot know. But I know that (thanks to a combination of all of this, and finding some medications that work for me) I am feeling better than I did a year ago, and much better than I did two years ago. I may not have ‘entered the workforce’ but most days I know I can do the work of being a person (which is not an insignificant amount of work!). On the good days I can even imagine getting a job again, and then I’m glad I did finish my degree, because I know it will still be there when the good days become frequent enough for me to use it.

If you are looking for advice on the more medical side of things I will point you to this post, this resources list, and the #ajovy tag on my blog. I can also give more specific advice on navigating medical things if you’d like, but I don’t want to do that unprompted.

I hope that some of this is helpful to you, and I hope you are able to find some improvement. Be kind to yourself

- C

[fruitsofhell]

[still talking about this but i feel like this would be lost if it was just a reblog addendum]

For real my greatest regret with my time in this fandom is not finding enough people who talk about Kirby STORIES nor doing that enough myself. Like its always kinda just between "ah my adorable and/or tragic blorbos" and "MOST FUCKED UP KIRBY LORE!" as I've complained about 100 billion times now, but I really wanna talk about the evolution of the series' storytelling under Kumazaki's direction more and how you can really feel them finding their footing on What Kirby "Lore" Means.

Ever since Robobot the games have tackled more direct themes and science fantasy tropes and it's also when it's really started coming into it's own. Return to Dreamland and Triple Deluxe and wonderful but you can see where the team holding back on detail and leaning into more cliche platformer-y things didn't let them reach full potential. Robobot and KatFL on the other hand excel at the more sci-fi themeing because they really let that more out there stuff absorb into the fabric of the gameplay and visuals, and while I've touched on KSA not being as lush as those other two, it makes up for it with sheer volume of content in the end. Evil cults are more fantasy than sci-fi so it didn't have ideas as extreme as those other two to latch onto, but it could still be more purposeful with the levels in the middle yknow. But still, the writing of the Jamba and the design of Void Termina have a lot packed into them that make it work once you unpack it.

RTDL and Tripluxe you can maybe say theres like a theme of greed in a nebulous sense, but it is genuinely fluffy platformer fair with an interesting villain thrown in at the end, Robobot, KSA, and KatFL are like actual great sci-fantasy stories wrapped up in fairytale-like bow. RTDL and Tripluxe become good when you fill in blanks*, but the last 3 just Are Good, Straight Up*.

*I know some of you people out there think pause screens are supplementary but it is literally The Game's Text, so I mean good with the pause screens.

Like Kirby "Lore" HAS gone from What If There Was A Platformer Villain But Really Fucked Up to actual really cool commentaries on imperialism/industrialization, bonds and religion, and life. I think its really fucking cool and what actually has kept me a Kirby fan. I can find a platformer that gets really complicated the more you look into it's flavor text, or one with cute character designs, or sad moments, but you don't find one so often that like cares. That really cares about the characters and the world and stuff, but about saying something confidently. Kirby storytelling may not come off as confident to people because it's not overt, but the confidence is in the details that surround and support those ideas that in any other series would just be pedantic "lore".

Like Robobot doesn't have "lore" about Susie and Haltmann, it has a backstory complimenting a power struggle in the plot's climax that ties into the idea of imperialism being a cannibalistic pursuit. Star Allies doesnt have "lore" about doomsday cults and gods, it has a story about how real bonds and connections can form even in dark places and its important to cherish those and not let circumstances corrupt them (or something, it has been a whilehgjh). And KatFL doesnt have "lore" about ooooo all the humans are dead this IS THE DAHKEST KIRBY GAME!! Its fucking aboyut how animals and joy and whimsy will reinherit the earth!

im justfuskdgs WHOS DOING THE KIRBY LITERARY ANALYSIS?? Where are they? They have to be out there im so fr ghsf

[separatist-apologist]

i know you said you stopped reading them, but were there any dark romances that hit just right for you? i also struggle a lot with liking the idea of a darker romance, but not wanting to read about the mmc assaulting the fmc and they just fall for them anyway. seems like too many dark romance fall under that and i'm left there like... where was the romance in this??

the only one i read recently was twisted emotions by cora reilly which is a mafia romance/arranged marriage. it's dark-ish? like *trigger warning* the fmc was abused as a child, but the mmc had zero to do with that and instead helped her heal. not a great difference, but considering the mmc wasn't the abuser i guess that's a win? i will say i did enjoy this book, but it's one of those MY GOD HIRE AN EDITOR books because i believe the author is german and there's some major spelling/grammatic errors. it was pretty blatant so that sucked, but i did enjoy the characters and i thought she did a good job (as a survivor of child abuse/SA myself) writing a survivor healing and dealing with their trauma and trusting their partner to bring them joy during sex and intimacy.

Again, beneath the cut

I have such a love/hate relationship with dark romance because I'm not opposed to dubious consent (obviously). I think my issue is a lot of dark romance thinks it can only be dark if there is this element of emotional abuse that I find difficult to deal with, especially if its not resolved.

So like, the MMC kidnaps her, or he won't let her leave his home without watching her 24/7 because she belongs to him, to the point that he controls her phone, her finances, her friends and everything else. And I think a dark romance book could start that way but there should be growth, you know? You can be possessive and also trusting? Like why CANT she leave without an escort, why do you need to watch her 24/7? Why can't she work if she wants to, why does the FMC have to give up her autonomy entirely in order for the romance to work. I don't like that and I know a lot of people do which is fine, but it doesn't feel like a happy ending.

I also don't like the arrogant "im so hot i could have anyone i want and youre lucky im even looking at you" MMC that seems so popular in dark romance. What happened to being pathetic? What happened to being down bad for one woman to the point youd ruin the world for her, you know? You can be a piece of shit and still wet and pathetic, like sir you can really have it all.

I think my issue is the MMC is never required to grow or change and its the FMC who accommodates him and in the end decides she actually likes this/prefers it and so he is never required to compromise or alter his life for her to prove he loves her. Again. Bring back sopping wet men.

And finally, I wish dark romance would center on themes outside of just sexual assault. I am weary of the "hes so hot that sexual assault is forgivable" like girl c'mon. What if we just leaned into the murder, example, you know? That's enough to give ANYONE pause, if I was dating a man and found out he was killing people regardless of the justification I might have some thoughts like "what the fuck" and "hello 911?"

And if he is murdering its always this backflipping justification for why thats okay like i don't know, maybe we just. Call it what it is, ya feel? He's killing people, thats wild. No need to add morality to it, maybe he just likes to blow off steam by killing strangers.

Anyway all this to say no, I haven't read anything I really liked outside of fanfiction. Maybe I'll give your recommendation a shot and see how I feel about it.

[wiredsmi1e]

[ bear emoji ] i have always admired what you do. the writing always impeccable, don't even get me started on their inner voices. i've followed you first because of suzie but then there were march and gwen that really stood up to me. and the craziest part is that you made them sound so different. always stayed true to the character you were portraying. then there's your aesthetics. i've been in awe since day 1 and we keep counting, okay? i can see you put so much work and thought into these too and it's very much appreciated. like even your recent visuals posted here w/ sabrina. it took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize it was her and not the actress that plays suzie in this tv series i truly believed existed. also, how you went from taking a dbd character with just a few lines and a little lore on wiki to being THIS MUCH OF A SHAPED PERSON,, I HAVE NO IDEA. and lastly, i appreciate you for what you do for the rpc. i know life was tough, but you were always so nice to everyone and your commissions are living rent free in my mind because they are perfection. whenever i find a blog i can tell it was you who worked on the aesthetics lmao, they got that abi trademark all over them. and lastly, i appreciate you. you've been so kind to me and understanding and helping since day 1. you're one of the few people that actually made me feel included in the rpc after being on a break for so long and you were part of the reason i stuck doing this. so here's a little reminder that your presence has affected others positively, even if you didn't know it. i am sure that most of your mutuals and friends agree with this. i love you and im always here for you too, okay?

- ̗̀ ♡⃗    𝒊𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒙 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒕𝒚  . . .   always accepting ! 

i've had this one in my askbox for a hot minute now , i know , but honestly it has helped me so SO much to re-read & look at again when i'm feeling down or am battling with the never ending writer's struggle of worrying that i'm not good enough , i'm not writing enough , ect . it truly , truly warms my heart & means the WHOLE WORLD to me that you & so many others love suzie & my lore for her so much―  i've struggled writing suzie in so many ways , always find myself worrying that peolpe are going to lose interest in her or disregard her because of how soft & innocent she is despite her horrific upbringing/circumstances ?? & gosh , PLS mentioning march & gwen too has me genuinely wanting to weep out of joy & gratitude , it truly means the world ?? especially considering how much i adore your writing & admire your wednesday ??? but , like i said i've been a lil selfish hoarding this sweetness to myself so long but truly & honestly i want you to know how much this means to me & how much i appreciate you & all of the kindness you have left me in this message <33333 i love you too , & i am so so touched to here that you love my commissions so much & that i have touched you so much & in such a positive way without even realizing it ?? we absolutely NEED to talk & plot more , for real <3333

[kinkwriterconnoisseur]

ok i just read a few of my old unposted fics and wips from years ago... and they're actually better than i remember?? 🥲

idk i feel like every writer struggles with insecurity at some point (and don't get me wrong, i definitely have) but it's actually so affirming to look back and see all the hard work i put into my writing years ago and still feel proud of it when i thought i'd only feel embarassed... like im honestly shocked about how emotionally nuanced slightly younger me made my kink fics (kink. fics.) lmao. and how the ideas and concepts that interested me the most then are still largely the ones i find myself intrigued by now 🫣

anyways, all this to say that im actually really proud of myself then for pushing through the executive dysfunction to write and really proud of myself now for picking it back up again🥰

even if im just rambling into the void i just wanted to share my joy.

hope all the other writers out there (kink writers especially!) can look back and appreciate their old works for helping them to become the amazing writers they are now! keep up the great work :)

[prettycalla]

for the gladiator matchmaking...

also, sorry it's an anonymous ask, hope u still answer though!!

so about me.. one thing is i really love novelty. especially because of how routine and monotonous my day-to-day life is. (commute, school, commute, repeat...) i keep a 'novelty excursion log' in my journal, and i document all the new thing i try (the local university's on-campus wendys, a new route home...)

i love fandom so so much. just getting home and clocking into my TikTok edits collection-- i'll be entertained for hours. reading fanfic, scrolling on twitter, looking at fanart.. so much joy and silly i find in it

i'm a professional try-out, as in i try out for every sport my school offers. well, excluding the big ones (volleyball, football, basketball). actually, i was on the junior varsity girl's basketball team. only cause half the team basically got nerfed.. (how silly!). the school sports that cannot possibly have a team if they cut people: those are the sports i join! right now, it's slo-pitch season. so that means i'll be in the dugout thinking about caracalla and geta.... looll!!

i am an escapist at heart. fandom. film. literature. reality shifting. meditation. lucid dreaming.

are those little tidbits about me enough? im never great at answering these broad, sweeping questions about myself... hopefully ive gotten some point across about myself

i truly have no idea who i'm gonna get just from the answer i gave you. if you actually answer you'll have my heart!

I think you and Hanno would make a really good match!

Hanno has not had an easy life, and while he would appreciate a little more stability, a life of monotony has never suited him. He has seen and heard and done so much, and yet there is still so much out there. He would love your novelty excursion log, and would want to help you add to it.

He'd appreciate how active you are too, and would enjoy teaching you new things - archery, sword play and horseback riding being a few that he has a good amount of knowledge in. He would never push you far beyond your limits, but he'd encourage you to keep trying if you found yourself struggling.

Reality shifting and lucid dreaming are not things he knows and he'd want to know how you possess such otherworldly-sounding knowledge. With everything he's been through, he understands the feeling of needing to escape sometimes.

You would rarely, if ever, find yourselves bored in each other's company.

Gladiator Matchmaker