#im still working thru the new classes i got just to get closer to the teachers n thennn.... maybe next ill do some more arvens quests

[peacheenie]

oh yeahg i should prolly mention i got Pokemon Scarlet. as an early bday pressie from my parents :333 (my bday is the 7th of september)

i have slooowly been working my way thru catching every pokemon i see because despite wanting to see Larry BADLY. i am not going to speedrun to him sgkhgksh. i lov u larry but i know hes literally not bothered to see his fans soooo im taking my time but am on my 3rd badge rnnnn because my team WONT stop levelling up its insane. im struggling to get badges fast enough to keep their obedience in check sgkshgksh

i did katy first, then brassius, then i did arvens big crab fight and beat mela and then finished today beating up iono in the rain. she was such a sopping wet beast on stream it was rly funny.

heres the babies so far.... i plan to change lycanroc out for greavard thooo when i can get wan :3 sorry the pic is bad its the only one i have on hand of them this second skgkhgs

funny ouppy team!!! but also wugtrio and dunsparce are there hehe :o]

edit: oh yeah!! butters had an uncommon mark also!!! ^_^ so cute...

[bellysoupset]

yo dude i know you just worked your ass off on that vince fic (i can tell bro bc holy shit, like i genuinely think thats my new favorite all time fic i'll go back to for years to come), but rn im just so 🤩🤩 rn with the idea of the football boys playing a game, like maybe a little for-fun game of football, maybe they go to a recreational basketball/baseball field to play a little game that isnt football in their freetime, and someone gets hurt or sumn? damn idk what it is with me and suggesting seeing these boys hurt but GODDDD ITS SO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 (also probably vince wouldnt be the hurt one, as he just got absolutely smushed. he may not even be in said setting bc he's still having to not do anything due to the last fic, if everything is in chronological order)(IH MY GOD WHAT IF VINCE WAS STAYING WITH JONAH AND LEO AND LEO WAS OUT PLAYING THE GAME WITH THEM AND COMES HOME HURT AND THE TWO ARE LIKE "damn not you too")(if you decide to go thru with this ask, please dont feel rushed bc i dont want you to get burnt out yk? take your time 💪💪💪)

"Finally, I see the sun," Vince groaned, causing Leo to roll his eyes.

"It's been literally ten days, you drama queen," he said, removing his baseball cap and pushing his hair back, away from his sweaty forehead, then planting the cap back down, this time facing back.

"Ten days of captivity," Vince said, dramatically rubbing his good hand over his face, "is good to be out of jail."

"I'd like to think my food is a little better than jail's," Leo scoffed, turning around and walking backwards towards the field, "are you sure you wanna stay and watch? Doesn't sound very fun to me."

"I was going stir crazy in that apartment," Vince winced as the limping pulled on his wounded side. He was definitely dosed up on painkillers, but there was still a dull throbbing on his side that the drugs couldn't chase, made worse by all the hopping around, "even sitting and watching you guys play is better fun than watching another episode Rachel's bad romantic decisions."

Leo grinned, turning around so he could run ahead and join the remaining guys on the field and Vince took his time limping towards the bleachers. His shirt was covered in sweat by the time he sat down.

He didn't know all the players. Leo, yes, Spencer and Mikey from the team too. The other people he didn't know, it seemed they were an weird rag tag team of people's various acquaintances. By the way Leo waved to some of them, he guessed they were colleagues from the law firm.

It didn't matter, Vince was just overjoyed to be out of the fancy apartment and smelling freshly cut grass, with the sun shining down on him. He had not been made to sit around, there was too much energy running through him during all hours of the day and the worst part of this whole accident had been no longer being able to hit the gym or the field or, hell, he'd even take Wendy's hot yoga classes at this point.

"Hey!" Luke's voice startled Vince and he turned on the hot stone bleachers in order to see him. Luke jogged closer, "good to see you out of bed."

"You have no idea," Vin nodded, studying his best friend, "you good? Bella said the bug was brutal."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Luke had a huge smile on, much like Vince he hated lying about, although he looked a little paler than normal and his voice was scratchy, "wish us luck."

"Make them cry, captain" Vince teased, raising both thumbs up, his left one cradled in his chest since his arm was still resting on the sling.

Lucas tipped his baseball cap in a cowboy-esque way, "you got it, man."

They were playing baseball and Vince didn't much care for it. It was much too american for him, aside from football he had always been more fond of soccer, something he had in common with Jonah. In fact, Jon had proved to be a bit of a soccer addict, Vince had found in the past week living with him and Leo. He knew all the leagues, yelled at the TV and got sullen when his team lost. It was quite amusing to Vin that, for once, he wasn't the one with the blood pressure skyrocketing through the roof.

He leaned back lazily, barely paying attention to the game, enjoying the warmth. Now that he was sitting down for a bit, the ribs' aching had quieted down.

For the next two hours he watched his friends sprint across the field, shouting at each other, ignoring the yelling from the opposite team. Vince blamed it on the drugs and the sun scorching down, but he was feeling sleepy in no time. He cursed at it, it was such a bummer that everyone else was right and he needed to rest, when all he did was rest now.

"Time!" he heard Lucas say, voice booming. He had that characteristic about him, where he could speak loudly and be heard by everyone without looking like he was screaming.

The group dispersed and Luke jogged back to where Vince was sitting, Leo close behind him.

"Are we winning, son?" Vince teased, causing Lucas to chuckle and shove his knee.

"Didn't make 'em cry, yet, but we're winning," he said, competitiveness rolling off of him. He glanced past his shoulder and frowned, "why are you pouting?"

Vince looked away from Luke, to Leo, and raised his eyebrows. As Lucas said, the blonde had a big frown on and he was squinting at the grass. He angrily rubbed at his forehead, "I don't... I don't feel so good."

"Shit, LU-" Vince shouted, using his good hand to shove Lucas' arm, who leaped forward just in time to catch Leo as his knees gave up.

"What the fuck?!" Luke squealed, his voice breaking. He grabbed Leo by the armpits, manhandling him to sit on the edge of the bleacher's step, "Leo? Leo, c'mon, open your eyes-"

"Not fainting," Leo slurred, pushing Lucas' frantic hands away from his face, "nauseous."

Vince grimaced as he scooted closer, having to prop all his body weight on his right arm in order to lower himself to the step under his, where Leo was sitting. He grabbed Leo's shoulder and then moved his hand up to his neck and cheeks. Despite the fact his cheeks were blazing red and his hair still damp with sweat, his cheeks were dry and his skin felt cold, "oh kid," Vince sighed, "I think you got heatstroke."

Lucas, still looking nervous, cupped Leo's face too, hunching on himself to look him in the face, "aww, why didn't you say anything?" he asked.

Vince watched as Leo's throat bobbed dangerously and he glanced at Luke, "I think you better move..."

He barely had time to say this and Leo was folding in half, vomit jetting out of his mouth and covering the grass under them. Lucas jumped out of the way just in time, but not quick enough to avoid getting the tip of his sneakers covered in orange sick.

"Shit, Leo..." Vince sighed, holding on the back of his friend's muscle shirt, "okay, get it up, you'll feel better in a bit... Luke, can you drive us back...?" Vince voice trailed off as he realized that Lucas had a hand holding Leo's shoulder, but the other one was firmly pressed to his mouth, eyes shut, face pale, "uh... Luke?"

"Sorry-" he said in a muffle manner, then let go of Leo and staggered away from them, bracing against his knees and retching.

Leo groaned, almost falling off since Luke had let go of his arm and Vince squeezed his shirt a little tighter, "don't worry about him, he's fine..." he said, while Leo coughed up another round of brown liquid, "you're fine, right?!" Vince said a little louder and Luke raised a hand, thumb up, while still gagging mercilessly.

Leo spat, then leaned back and almost fell, his head meeting Vince's wounded shoulder and causing him to bite down a scream. He breathed through the pain, as the poor man groaned and leaned his head against his bicep.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I just-"

"It's okay, you can't help it," Vince said, voice strained, "we're going home, just- Here," he winced, reaching back to where he had been sitting and grabbing a water bottle, "take some sips."

"Won't stay down-" Leo groaned, taking the lukewarm bottle and then looking up as Lucas' heaved again, this time managing to bring up a pathetic amount of puke, "is he okay?"

"He's fine," Vince said, rolling his eyes, "drink your water."

Ahead of them Lucas straightened up, belching deeply into his fist and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, walking back to them, "sorry..."

"Since when you get sympathy sick?" Vince asked, while Leo took the smallest sip of water, gagging around the bottle's finish.

"I guess I'm not feeling a hundred percent still," Lucas' cheeks turned pink and he rubbed at his chest, "I'm better now, don't worry."

"Not worried," Vince lied, while Leo let out a moan again, hugging his stomach.

"This is awful, I feel really dizzy..."

"You just need to lie down in a cool place, get some electrolytes in you," Vin rubbed his nape, then glanced at Lucas, "can you drive?"

"Yeah, of course," the brunette nodded, although Vince wasn't feeling very reassured by how milky white Lucas looked. Sadly, there was no other option.

"C'mere," Lucas said, carefully side stepping the puddle on the ground and looping an arm around Leo's waist, "lean on me."

"I'm sorry I made you sick..."

"That was on me," Luke waved him off and Vince gestured for them to go ahead, since getting himself out of the bleachers was a struggle on its own.

By the time he reached them, Leo was sitting inside Luke's car, with the a/c blasting, while Luke was leaning outside of it, an arm wrapped around his stomach.

"I'm fine," Luke said preemptively, "I should've listened to Bell," he let out a sick burp, spat on the gravel and kicked the little rocks to cover up the mess, "really, stop looking at me like that."

"I'm just worried," Vince shrugged, or tried to, only to hiss as it pulled on his shoulder and ribs, "I can call Wendy if you can't drive. She's got the day off..."

'I can drive," Luke shook his head, "I just overdid it with all the running around and the mess..." he gagged fruitlessly against his hand, "I'm good."

"Clearly," Vince agreed sarcastically, then limped to the backseat.

Leo was slumped on the passenger seat, head leaning back, taking some deep, measured breaths.

"Hey, kid," Vin reached in and squeezed his arm, "just hang in there, this is going to pass soon."

Leo nodded, but he still looked dangerously pale, lips pressed in one thin line.

The drive was uneventful, Vince glancing nervously from Leo to Lucas and wondering how their evening had downgraded so quickly. Just as they got close, Leo suddenly hiccupped, slapping a hand over his mouth as a burp slipped out and with the other one he pushed Lucas' thigh "pull over-" his voice was muffled, punctuated by another belch at the end and Luke cringed, turning on the sign and pulling to the side of the road.

At least it was an uneventful Saturday, so the street was almost empty. Leo pushed the door, but didn't even have time to get out. He stuck his head out and coughed up another stream, letting out a whimper.

"Aw, kiddo..." Vince sighed, shoving himself in the space between the driver's seat and passenger one, so he could grab the back of Leo's pants and keep him sitting down. Lucas was no help, despite the guilty expression he had on, he had pressed his forehead to the steering wheel and was gulping nervously.

"It hurts..." Leo groaned, coughing and panting, "my head hurts so much."

"I know, I'm sorry," Vince said unhelpfully, rubbing his back, "get it up, Leo..."

He heard another pitiful whine and then more hurling, followed by a sigh, "I think... I think I'm done."

Or empty, Vince thought, keeping his hand on Leo's back. He glanced at Lucas and cringed. His friend's face was firmly in the gray territory, jaw clenched.

"Take a deep breath, I bet the carsickness isn't helping your situation," Vince said, squeezing Leo's bicep and fighting the anxiety inside of him. He hated not being able to help. He should be the one driving.

"I'm good," Leo slammed the door shut, "I just wanna get home."

"Just a couple minutes," Luke mumbled, his voice all thick and weird, "sorry, I-"

"It's okay, Luke," Leo said tiredly, "Jon gets sympathy sick too, I get it..." he rubbed at his forehead, "just drive, please?"

Once they finally arrived, without another incident, Vince almost groaned as he realized now there was twice as much walking around to be done. He sucked it up, carefully stepping out of the car and offering his good arm for Leo.

"Lean on me, kid," then to Lucas, who was just stepping out of the car, "no. You're not coming in, you're going straight home. Shooo."

"How do you intent on looking after him...?" Luke frowned, despite the pained lines on his face, "Vin, I can-"

"I'm fine," Leo groaned and while Vince could feel his grip was a little too tight for someone who was fine, he knew Lucas wasn't going to be any help, "go home, Luke. I'll text you later."

"...Promise?" Lucas glanced between the two of them, torn between wanting to help and feeling too sick.

"Yeah, we're fine," Vince nodded, ignoring the throbbing on his side, "go home. C'mon, Leo..."

The blonde waved one last goodbye to Luke, then slumped against Vince. Vin could tell he was trying to be mindful not to rest his full body weight on him, but he was doing a poor job of it. He bit down a groan, wrapping his good arm around Leo's waist and resting his back against the inside of the elevator.

"Shitty day," he groaned, causing the blonde to let out a tired chuckle.

"That seems to be a pattern lately," he mumbled, face pressed to Vince's bicep, "it's not as bad as it was out there."

"Good, you just need to rest a bit," Vin reassured him, breathing deeply through his mouth as pain spread all the way up his shoulder. They all but stumbled inside the house and Leo headed straight for the couch, while Vince braced against the desk near the front door and took deep, measured breaths.

"Vin? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he lied, wiping the sweat from his upper lip, "probably just due my meds... Sit down and turn up the A/C, I'm gonna get you some water."

He didn't dare walking all the way to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. Instead Vince filled up Leo's gym bottle with cold water and then wet a dishcloth, deciding he'd rather face Jon's judgment than to walk all that distance. He limped back to the couch and met Leo's worried gaze, "I'm fine," Vince said, handing him the bottle and sitting down too, "here, lie down."

"You don't look very fine," Leo grumbled, but he was too lethargic to do anything about it. He took a gulp of the cold water and let out a relieved sigh when he rested his head on Vin's lap and the cold dishcloth met his forehead, "this feels much better."

"Uhm," Vince smiled, moving on the couch so he could put his feet up the coffee table. His sprained left foot was killing him, "c'mere, kid."

Easy like that, all the times he had done this to his own sisters came rushing back and he found himself playing with Leo's hair, combing the blonde strands and scratching at the scalp, "you're due a haircut," Vince mumbled, eyes slipping closed as he felt Leo relax against him.

"Jon says longer is hotter," he said quietly, "I've always wanted this, you know?"

"...What?" Vince frowned, opening his eyes and glancing down. Leo seemed almost asleep, the stress taking it's toll on him, "Leo?"

"Family," Leo sighed, cuddling closer and moving the wet cloth to cover his eyes, "it's almost weird to have it."

"Oh..." Vince's heart dropped and he squeezed the blonde's shoulder, fighting a smile, "well... Get used to it, Leo. This is your life now."

[mejomonster]

Okay so. My ability to focus is weak af recently. Regardless, gonna liveblog if I do manage to read ToT. I found Huai Dao Way of Evil on one of ur recommendations, as an older priest novel that kinda felt like the rough first try at the vibe Modu would nail later? (Also i have heard in reviews its uh best case cringe worst case insensitive at handling mental health issues which... modu handles so well and nuanced so, i mean i guess worst case at least things improved? But ive ran into enough (unfortunately) novels that handle the topic shittily that i hope im kind of hardened to it. Like i suspect sci mystery probably handles mental stuff suckily but im still gonna give it a shot one day for its other qualities, etc.) Anyway back to my point: huai dao may not be lets say up to spec of "wow one of my new top fave stories ever" like modu was. But hey! Still lets go on this journey! See how skills evolved, see what ideas were older and got cherished and improved ya know. (Also reasons id love to read Iterant Doctor and The Blue Seal by priest).

Also? Frankly. I love a good murder mystery. I read the first few pages. And already I can tell, at least writing style wise, ill like huai dao more than In The Dark (sorry ITD i just dont click as much style wise). Huai Dao doesnt open on a scary or mysterious scene to make me wonder whats going on: which Lie Huo Jiao Chou, Zhenhun, Modu, and Can Ci Pin all do fairly quickly (and its a good choice from my perspective lol as it gets me sucked in). But it does open with solid CHARACTERS. A couple pages in and i already have a much firmer Feel of the characters than 100 pages of In The Dark. I can tell the police girl has some vibes in common with Zhu Hong and Lang Qiao (but priest just loves a few certain Types in the investigator work groups), but she also distincrly doesnt have a Little Sister big mouth vibe of Lang Qiao and also doesnt have a cold judging but fond vibe like Zhu Hong, she feels distinct enough for me to get a sense of her as unique (something i think priest does well that... again ITD just did not really give me until maybe halfway thru book 1). The main chief boss seems a lot like ITD's chief, and Modu's. Except modu even early on had hints the chief had secrets, was a certain social class and tied to powerful city people. This chief, at least on opening pages, seems more close and friendly to his entire team and closer to their level.

And the main guy. Shen Yexi. On first impression, oh boy. I like him. Hes around my age, he got shot and just got cleared to come back to work. The setup is standard for many a mirder mystery and danmei crime novel (Poyun and In The Dark open similarly, its just a common setup). But immediately i can tell who he is on some level. He's friendly but not nearly in the way Zhao Yunlan is (not charismatic and big) and not in the show offy almost perfotmance Keep In Control way Luo Wenzhou is. He exudes a certain Serious nature (more like shen wei maybe? If anything) but also is sincere to people he considers somewhat close (like his team). Again, i deeply appreciate the way priest can immediately establish at least some specific sense of character quite quickly. Ive read bits of a few other novels lately that couldnt do that as fast, and for me unique characters i can really grasp goes a Long way into holding my attention.

Shen Yexi is about my age, as stubborn as me, probably too much of a workaholic and a touch too sincere about doing what hes intending to do (at least on first impression). And i can tell im gonna like him. As the 3rd case solving murders type priest story ive checked out (after zhenhun and modu), i was a bit worried the lead might feel like a less refined version of zhao yunlan or luo wenzhou or tao ran. Happy to say, so far, he does not. (Tao ran may be closest in temperment but... fei du and luo wenzhous point of views painted tao ran as so perfect and put on a pedestal of normal sweet noble Great that Shen Yexi just has NONE of tao rans vibe).

Anyway, expect more commentary at some point.

Btw I am reading The Way of Evil 坏道 on WOC Translations, the translation is complete:

[muwur]

idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this

self-love

♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.7k words

a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors

 oikawa

♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice

♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look

♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked

♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”

♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full

♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack

♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school

♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach

♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained

♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual

♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant

♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it

♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you

♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”

♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...

♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips

♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away

♡ ”I’m fine..!”

♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush

♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”

♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself

♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply

♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him

♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you

♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies

♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch

♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together

♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well

♡ You could manage on just water

♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals

♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it

♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in

♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere

♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty

♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal

♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”

♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”

♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame

♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading

♡ “Y/n, look at me.”

♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”

♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”

♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response

♡  “Do you know why?”

♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question

♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile

♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”

♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”

♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”

♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”

♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”

♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently

♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”

♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow

♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”

♡  “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”

♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”

♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”

♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner

♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious

♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa

♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:

♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’

♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’

♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘

♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’

♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’

♡ True to his word, he remained understanding

♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence

♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid

♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him

♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated

♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you

♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him

♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally

♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts

♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)

♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay

♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone

♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day

♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man

♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him

♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement

♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)

♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie

♡ Mid-movie be like:

♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?

♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”

♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”

♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)

♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once

♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing

♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair

♡ Y’all get better at it tho

♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)

♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)

♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended

♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too

♡ Has help resources READY

♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint

♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits

♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you

♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities

♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect

kuroo

♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him

♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs

♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable

♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly

♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness

♡ And so you tried to cope

♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you

♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin

♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you

♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right

♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them

♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere

♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame

♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards

♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc

♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look

♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud

♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt

♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose

♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve

♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself  

♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself

-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--

-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace

-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame

-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall

- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”

-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today

- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”

-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial.  You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--

-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed

-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone

-You were about to murmur in response when,

- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”

- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response

-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders

-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips

- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”

♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”

♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”

♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”

♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”

♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”

♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm

♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth

♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack

♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”

♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop

♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”

♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you

♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)

♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits

♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”

♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)

♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc

♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing

♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)

♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)

♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer

♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing

♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder

♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up

♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt

♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water

♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you

♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change

♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕

a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF

also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat

also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more  of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get  to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.

by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u  or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it  right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note  rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all  , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3

[rosesanthology]

Not as Bad as i thought | Matsukawa Issei x reader

Okay so i've been thinking about this scenario for a WHILE now and im,,,,,not mad at how it turned out ? Lmao y'all see for yourselves

- songs :  • savage remix by Megan Thee Stallion feat Beyonce

                 • kimi no nawa theme song

- weather association au : dusk (i dont even know if that's seen as a weather but oh well-)

[Tags] : @raevaioli asked sooooo👀 @haikoo

- you weren't really sure how long you've been walking for

- you tried to recall the events from today with much difficulty as you strolled on the sideway at 4pm, still in school uniform but much messier than when you first got out of the house this morning, backpack lazily thrown over your left shoulder

- "and there goes a perfectly good weekend" you sighed, not talking to anyone in particular but yourself or maybe the occasional stray cat

- your house wasn't even close to the way you were going and you couldn't care less

- your phone had data anyway you could just search your way back in google maps (｀ε´)

- plus it's not like you walked across the whole country and you already called your mom to make up some excuse

- "we'll talk when you get back." She had told you over the phone , you were pretty sure that the school had informed her of what happened

- thinking about it made you sick to your stomach so you opted on just focusing on how much of an anime MC vibe you were giving off right now instead !!!

- i mean, basically running away after school to go on unplanned walks with a messy uniform while listening to the new savage remix by Megan and Beyonce ???? Pretty badass ngl (◡︿◡✿)

- if only your balance wasn't -2/10 then maybe you could even skateboard and act like you were in an indie movie

- but back to the matter at hand

- the anger swelled up inside you as you started to think over what had happened

- you were in the midst of a chemistry class and you had been paired up with none other than your toxic ex who made you feel like crap for the most random stuff

- you were literally just vibing trying to adjust the microscope and he just HAD to shove you out of the way because, allegedly, you "didn't know how to do it", causing you to back into another girl's test tubes and bunsen burner !!!

- WORSE IS THAT THAT GIRL STARTED YELLING AT YOU FOR RUINING HER WORK !!!! like damn it's not your fault

- luckily the teacher was kind enough to aknowledge your apology and scold the girl for yelling but still !!! You were angry !! (⋋▂⋌)

- so angry that you may....have started crying in class just cause beating the living hell out of your ex was just not something you could do and not get at least detention for-

- the embarassment of it all had caused you to storm out of the school at the first chance you had, not wanting to murder your ex or anybody else if they made any comments

- you were taken out of your internal turmoil in the middle of the sidewalk by the smell of the sea and well,,,,,the sight that was literally right in front of you

- not to be sappy or basic or anything but a good sunset never failed to make your heart go doki doki from the pretty colors(●´ω｀●)

- you didn't even notice time passing or the sky painting itself like that

- weird huh

- what a world we live in

- anyway you truly felt like things were meant to be at the moment you set foot on the soft sand (you'd have taken of your shoes if it wasn't for your socks preventing you from it)

- in this moment of awe you stuffed your phone and earbuds in your bag and made a run for the water !!!! Excited to see the cute riples of foam closer !!!

- and then you fell.

- FACE FIRST IN THE SAND BABY

- and you would have been fine if it wasnt for the loud sound of someone SNORTING AND CACKLING BEHIND YOU LIKE ?????

- FIRST OF ALL YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE ALONE ????

- AND WHO TF DARED ???

- THE GUY DIDNT EVEN HELP YOU HE JUST CAME UP TO YOU AND LET OUT A

- "Damn ive never seen anyone so eager to bite the dust !" And then laughed again !!

- ●︿●

- thats where it dawned upon you that this guy was one of the third years from your school's male volleyballl team !!!! If you remember correctly his name was Matsukawa Issei but did it really matter ???

- it was someone from school who was laughing at you ???? You Y/N L/N

- the embarassment came crashing onto you like the waves on the shore and in a second you were sobbing

 - the hot tears were rolling down your cheeks at high speed and you swore you heard Mattsun gulp when be realised what was going on

- "w-wait sorry...i didn't mean to make you cry" he didn't really know what to do so his hands were just hanging in the air as he knelt down in front of you

- ⋋_⋌ you mustered up the energy to glare at him thru your glossy eyes but really it looked as intimidating as a hamster- haha what no, the middle blocker's heart totally did NOT skip a beat with the pouty hamster + sunset color palette combination !!!! Not that you'd notice anyway

- instead of kneeling there awkwardly he opted for picking up your backpack before sitting next to you, putting his knees up to his chest and staring at anywhere but your very embarassed self

- "i really mean it you know ? Sorry for making you cry..." MATSUKAWA ISSEI STOP BEING A SIMP FOR SOMEONE YOU JUST MET CHALLENGE YOUR SUN PISCES IS SHOWING KING

- "its not entirely your fault...." you managed to say between hiccups, "ive kinda had like....a really really bad day"

- ".....i see" i sEe HeAdAsS you should have thought about it before laughing at Y/N like that !!!

- after that you didn't really know what to do

- i mean yeah grabbing your bag, flipping him off and then going back home sounded like a tight plan but at the same time,,,,,the sound of the waves was calming and the sun was pretty   (●´ω｀●)

- and little did you know that as you were too focused looking absolutly enamored with the sun itself Mattsun was looking at you trying to think about how the hell he was going to keep the conversation and the vibes going when you're just sitting there looking like THAT

- it was like that one scene in Kimi no Nawa when Taki and Mitsuba see each other for the first time sodjdisnakaka

- except that he was the only one staring but that didn't really phase him

- "you know-" ah here it comes

- he started talking so he'd have to go thru with it until the end

- he weirdly enough did NOT want you to turn to look at him because he knew that if you did the words would get caught up in his throat and- oh no you did

- oop the sand looks very interesting all of a sudden wow :0

- "you know when i have a bad day i usually come to sit here and watch the sunset"

- "okay and ?"

- GOSH Y/N LET HIM SPEAK PLEASE HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME

- "and it feels nice....like today for example, i just lost a volleyball match against some other school, Karasu-whatever you probably don't care but....after living such a hard loss it feels nice to look at the sky painted in all these colors you know ? Plus you don't have to talk so it's great it's as if you were on top of the world-"

- he was cut off by the sound of your laugh

- "ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME ???"

- as you struggled to catch your breath you looked at him and smiled

- "you know you're not as bad as i thought !"

- huh

- you were definitely something :\

- spiking the ball right thru Matsukawa's chest and straight to his heart

- "My name's Y/N L/N im a 2nd year ! also don't worry i wasn't making fun of you at all i just can't believe that you exposed your simp card so proudly to someone you BARELY know"

- "well i felt bad because-"

- "it's cute (▰˘◡˘▰)"

- OH.

- MY MANZ WAS AT A LOSS OF WORD

- WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT MAKING FUN OF A GIRL FALLING WAS ALL IT TOOK TO MAKE HIS DAY A 100 TIMES BETTER

- HE WOULD HAVE TO TELL MAKKI ABOUT THIS ASAP

- you snapped him out of his daze by pointing out that your mom would be worried if you walked alone to your house at night

- "sooooo is it my cue to walk you home ?" smooth recovery from him, you must admit

- "should we get boba on the way ?" You said standing up and dusting your shirt

- "you bet."

[dawnowar]

L’Shana Tova

Here we are at Rosh Hashanah, The Jewish New Year. Ususally I have a party. Since I’m an Atheist Jew so I don’t go to temple and worship. I just have a backyard party with apples and honey and Challah I make myself. 

I spent some time in August trying to decide what to do for the holiday this year, even though I suppose I could still have had a backyard party but I just didn’t want to do it. I don’t want to either be responsible for potentially spreading covid and I dont want people using my bathroom when I’ve been so careful not to put myself near anyone else for any length of time for six months now. Just couldn’t have a parade of people who aren’t being as careful as me in and out of my house cause they have to pee. That’s really what it came down to. 

So I took of some days from work with the intention of maybe going on a solo road trip to go look at some nature or something outdoors, but again as that got closer... well the question was what do i need to do to make it feel like I didn’t get cheated out of Rosh Hashanah this year... and the answer was obviously apples and honey. and Challah. So that’s what I did this year. I took the day off work and made challah and then i got a $25 off coupon from uber eats so i ordered Red Lobster for delivery and had a nice meal with the cats and had apples and honey at sundown. 

Tomorrow I think ill go to the waterfall and throw some bread in it to symbolize whatever i don’t need to take with me into the next year. I haven’t really decided what that is yet.

I mean, the last six months has been about casting off pretty much everything for me. 

In a lot of ways I was ready and willing to make these changes and see where it all takes me, so I’ve been riding this wave for awhile now. Not sure this holiday feels like a fresh start so much as what I hope is a mid-point of the covid year. I hope its only a year. 

RBG just died. Took my cats and my apples and honey outside to watch the sunset and the holiday begin and read the news on my phone before I got the first slice of apple in my mouth.

Doesn’t seem like a great way to start, but before that I was feeling optimistic about the future, because i see this new reclusive homebody life I’m living as a much needed reset. 

I found an outdoor dance fitness class a couple of days ago, but it was cold enough today to need a jacket so I don’t know how much longer they’ll keep doing it.. but for the two days i was doing it, I was into it and it felt great to be dancing and socializing with new people again. Thats a pretty consistent theme in my life. Every period of my life can be defined by where I was dancing at the time. Whether it was a nightclub or a music scene or an aerobics class, The times in my life I was most unhappy were the times I wasn’t dancing at all. 

Last few years Ive found the music scene I was in was getting crappier, the music was getting worse, the people were getting shittier and the boys were getting younger. Or maybe that was me getting older. ... and aside from a few bands and people i really think are great, I was finding myself less and less interested in whatever was going on, so this tbh is a nice break. I don’t have to feel pressure to go to anything or listen to anything or buy anything or care about anything. 

I’ve found myself not listening to very much music at all. Sometimes I put on chill electronic to keep the cats mellow b4 work since I work in the house and i need them to let me do that. 

They’ve totally got the schedule now and they nap while I work. They can tell time so they start fussing just before quitting time. It’s pretty amazing how they can do that. 

I watch a lot of TV but i always did that. I never had any shame about it. I love great TV and theres so much to watch now I’m pretty thankful for all the time to do that. It’s another thing I’ve always done that has always made me happy. Probably my terrible upbringing since I was pretty much locked alone in a room with just a TV for so much of my formative years that staying home by myself watching TV is fine. It feels pretty normal and natural. In fact, I think I have screwed up many relationships w dudes who wantd to just stay in and watch a movie w me and im like fuck that..i can watch TV by myself. I don’t need help w that. 

I’m sure ive ruined a lot of relationships for a lot of dumb reasons. Now I’m home by myself a lot, I have time to think about all those things and more. Who I was and why I did stuff I did and who I am now and what I’d do differently and how I wouldn’t go back and change any of it.. well most of it I wouldn’t... or maybe I would idk. and how given the circumstances of the moment I couldnt have done anything any differently. or I would have. 

I don’t have any current pressing issues or problems other than I don’t like my job but its supposed to be temporary thru February and thats sort of how I’m making it through. Not sure what I’ll do after that. Decided not to even bother trying to decide yet. 

Trying to look forward mostly and not to the past, which 6 mos ago was the present and doesnt seem that far away. Some of that i meant to keep but some of that I’m glad is over. I guess the next half of coronvirus is about figuring out what to keep and what to be done with forever. 

[mikiruma]

please explain who engie is. i know nothing about tf2 and i would like to know about him + any special kin memories you have regarding him. u have no choice but to infodump.

no choice huh........

(@ future me add a cut here)

engineer's one of the playable characters in tf2, his schtick is building stuff to help others in battle, ie teleporters bringing teammates closer to goals, sentries to deal damage, and dispensers to heal teammates & resupply their ammo. the game calls him a defensive class, but imo the most fun engineer players to watch are the ones who go out of their way to terrorize the other team by playing offensively. (who knew the smallest sentry you could build could also be SO TERRIFYING)

as a character hes pretty neat imo, like a mad scientist but he tinkers more with machines than humans. a lot of his blueprints were actually adapted from ones his grandfather made. the last name 'conagher' carries quite a bit of weight in tf industries (specifically blu but im not abt to step into that territory..) also hes got like what? 14 phds? so hes kind of a menace. o yea he built his robot hand (the gunslinger) too.

also i just think its neat that outside work hes just this quiet old dude who would play u a tune on his guitar and buy u a drink for the hell of it and probably end up being ur best friend after talking for 5 minutes. i think ppl comparing him to a golden retriever arent so far off also important to note hes texas so as you can imagine, hes basically cowboy. he says yeehaw. so much. im sobbing please learn a new word

uhh what else..... canon he works with medic on experiments and stuff (expiration date short, gargoyles & gravel comic, more hopefully) so thats always Super Nice. also since i found the true meaning comic earlier and reread that i got to experience him reading a (VERY team fortress 2) christmas story to pyro (another good character) and god please i know the games abt shooting people but i want more interactions like THAT between the mercs..... just. lay down have some tea

uhh memories!!! uhh hmm well i was a fan of getting the gunslinger to work!! or its first incarnation!!! sure what preceded was... not fun but in the end i had a cool ass robot arm that functioned way better than my original. the *ultimate* upgrade... until i redesigned it later to current game canon. oh on the topic of buildings my sentries were basically my lil buddies!! id have a level 1 keepin me company in my workshop if nobody else was botherin me and its so weird now thinking abt a gun that likes pets but like. gun dog. obv the ones in battle werent like that bc i would be even more upset when they were destroyed but like. i still said hi to them kygjsnd

also if medic and i were staying up way too late workin on somethin id bring tea.. depending on how late it was and what we were doin id maybe wild out and add sugar bc dang it ur not texan if u dont have sweet tea. also i made 2 way teleporters for his lab and my workshop so we could send each other stuff. sometimes the other mercs would send weird shit thru the teleporters. scout sat on one without noticing it and he flipped his shit when he materialized 2 inches from me. good times

*clutches chest* CHRIST that was a lot anyway dont forget to like and subscri

[maribelsawyer]

- ̗̀ * ( ella purnell + cisfemale + she/her ) have you seen ( maribel sawyer ) walking around campus ? they are a ( nineteen ) year old, studying ( journalism ). we hear they are in ( delta gamma chi ), and can be ( benevolent & impressionable ), maybe it’s because they are a ( gemini ). they sort of remind us of ( scraped knees , magnifying glasses , vintage oxfords ), maybe we can find out more ! *  ̖́-  + newspaper writer

god okay looks like i’ve fallen in love w ella purnell and i want to b her. anyways maribel is my newest baby n im sorta making her up as i go so pls bare w me lmao

TW: eating disorder mentions, subtle abuse?

{she is not currently in that mindset ^}

gen. info

full name: maribel ottoline sawyer

nickname(s): mari, bell, lottie b/c middle name, etc. etc. just sawyer sometimes idk

b.o.d. - june 1st, 19 yrs old

label(s): the marionette, the demure, the prevaricator, etc. etc.

height: like 5′3″ prolly tbh

hometown: duluth, minnesota

sexuality: shit she don’t know

bio. info

her dad’s in the air force, her mom’s published three diet cookbooks and two different DVDs--maribel is the only middle child

one of those conservative, all american families, they were strict and definitely made it known that they were parents and not friends by any means

9pm curfew, not leaving the dining room until all ur food is gone, grounded if ur grades were below their expectations, etc. etc. 

her older sister can evoke emotions in others thru her acting like no other. has taken the hearts (and leads) of all her acting directors since childhood. her voice is broadway material.

and her older brother? has been the best linebacker on any high school team he’s joined; hopes to make it to the big leagues. but if he doesn’t? he’s been taking college-level classes since he was a sophomore.

and...maribel?

maribel is...just, maribel.

for the longest time, there was nothing special about maribel

she couldn’t sing, or dance, or compose words in pretty prose

her grades were only satisfactory after hrs n hrs of studying everyday

homegirl can’t even cook w/o smth exploding

in short, maribel has never been good at anything. can’t draw within the lines, can’t follow the line, opens her mouth at the wrong time. etc. etc. shit? rough.

ANYWAYS

her family moves around a lot b/c of her dad, so she’s never really been in one place long enough to really prove herself? always been the quiet girl in class while her siblings brought home gold stars everyday

the kinda girl others would sorta push around n bully a lil bit bc she would never know what to say; prolly just cried a lot tbh

grew up w a lot of insecurities b/c of this

definitely doesnt help that her mother is obsessed w beauty n fitness n like

their mother p much forced her lifestyle onto her children, mari has a rough relationship w food b/c of it

ANYWAYS part 2

grew up always in the shadows of her siblings and their accomplishments, and spent a lot of her time tryn find something to be good at just so somebody could give her a stamp of approval

was always the ~wannabe~, the girl who would just endlessly suck up to the most popular girl she could find and try to mimic her to the best of mari’s abilities, just so she could survive her school experience

by the time mari was a freshmen in high school, her parents had divorced and she finally thought she could have a normal school experience and make something for herself

obv not. her mother shipped her off to a boarding school in nevada and that was it; her sister had already graduated and her brother was still in middle school.

it was finally just mari.

of course like she tried to suck up to others but it wasn’t really helpful, everybody was a lil too boujie for her and she always froze up when she tried to speak to the ~popular kids~

they only rly spoke to her b/c she’s got this knack for forging shit, like i dont think she even has her own handwriting; she always copies other people’S b/c she’s just. so used to tryn to mimic others n be them as much as possible

around this time she found herself fucking around in her computer class more often than not; it’d been the only elective left b/c she arrived in the middle of the year

but she surprisingly enjoyed it, like, a lot

her parents never really allowed much computer use b/c like. rots ur brain or whatever.

got into programming, but when she found out that u could ? hack shit ? kinda peaked her interest.

her shift into programming to hacking was subtle but before she knew it, she was fucking around on websites for the fun of it. never anything severe

computers became her friends, y’know

that was until her sophomore year and there was another loser fucking around on the computers during lunchtime

and like...they just started kinda talking, y’know? became friends, prolly mari’s first legitimate friend in...forever, really

the kid was kinda weird but she didn’t mind b/c fuck, mari couldn’t be picky n she didn’t mind weird

like...they were obsessed w conspiracies n mysteries n shit

it started to rub off on mari too, b/c homegirl is an idiot but. an observant idiot.

so she started getting reeeally into mysteries and shit. started acting like a mini investigator w/ her pal; solving stupid things like ‘who wrote ‘mindy is a whore’ in the bathroom stall’ and ‘does mr. roberts have a secret obsession w kpop’

no mindy is not a whore it was slander

yes mr. roberts is into kpop

ANYWAYS part 3

so they were these nancy drew, scooby doo, veronica mars knock off duo

by junior yr her partner started getting into like. drinking and minor drugs and other things that the other boarding school kids were smuggling in, y’know. 

this meant that mari was getting into that shit too, y’know. cant stay innocent forever.

became a lil bit of a pothead lmao

so like now theyre just stoners who go around solving shit and prolly also stirring shit up for the hell of it

so like . . . . . one night they were doin’ their thing, right? and her partner brings up this...completely wild idea

they live in nevada. y’kno what else is in nevada?

area 51

these fucking idiots want to go break into this fucking. air force base. to find area 51.

guess what they did?

they attempted to break into the air force base. like. of course they tried.

they failed like, super miserably, got arrested for trespassing and had to be bailed out of the county jail by their parents

her dad almost lost his job so he was mcfuckin PISSED esp once they figured out she was high as shit

her partner? disappeared. nobody knows where they went.

mari was moved from the boarding school to a public school closer to where her mother could, begrudgingly, keep an eye on her

kinda spent the rest of her high school career p miserable, she gave up on her whole ~detective~ thing and resorted to making fake IDs for her fellow high schoolers

was drug-tested like every week or so, too

around this time her mental health and relationship w food got worse, she barely made it to graduation. took a gap year to recover, worked a buncha jobs but usually gets fired from them b/c she’s really fucking bad like most things besides her two (2) unconventional talents that are decidedly useless

came to ucla b/c her mother p much made her, her mother’s a legacy and that’s about the only reason why she got into delta gamma chi

doesn’t want ppl to know she was a loser and also like . fucked up her dad’s life a lil, b/c it was def a thing that made the news and the only reason why her name wasn’t in the articles was b/c she was a minor at the time

so she like...lies abt her childhood a lot

tells a lotta lil white lies b/c she just. doesn’t wanna b her

uuuhh wanted to do computer science bc she loves it but her parents were both like ‘lmao we’re not paying for shit if u do that’ bc they don’t think it’s very ~ladylike~ n they still want her to like. just be submissive and obedient n shit.

so she took up journalism b/c neither her parents think it’s like a real career and they just want her to find a husband n get married n settle down n stop being troublesome

fun fact: she has a scholarship for being lefthanded so that pays for Some of it esp b/c she’s an out of state student

still struggles a lil bit w food but she’s like. doing a lot better. goes to group therapy, probably

uuuh that’s it for now i think ??

OH SIKE !! she’s a writer for the newspaper and writes ADVICE columns on various topics b/c she’s good at offering advice but only when she can sit down n think abt it lmao

^^she goes by an alias b/c she just. doesnt want ppl to know its her idk she thinks its embarrassing

other than that she’s probably like ... doing campus tech support b/c that’s her current job but who knows how long that’ll last lmao

knowing her she’s going to accidentally switch into her phone sex voice (another, old job she doesn’t do anymore) n get fired for tryn seduce a man with ‘did u try turning it on and off again?’

OKAY i think that’s all lmao

personality

mari is just. awkward, man

i mean like...she’s sorta bad at talking to others a lot of the time??

like ppl r kinda like ‘how tf r u a delta gamma chi girl’ n she’s just like i mean u  h h h h 

prolly stutters a lil bit b/c she’s usually rly anxious

but she’s v v nice, like, she tries her hardest to be a good friend n everything

but she also kinda switches her personality to appeal to whoever she’s talking too ?? like she wants to be. likable. she’s not real w/ others v v often

if ur boujie yeah she’ll pretend to be boujie too

she prolly still sells fake IDs to high schoolers n some of her college peers, she has one herself n hasn’t gotten caught yet sooo

always fidgets like she can’t rly sit still often b/c she’s so nervous

is a lil bit of a stoner but i feel like u can’t ever tell tbh

a lil shy n hesitant at first i’d imagine, or maybe just always lmao

has a bit more of a personality once she sucks it up n gets closer to u but she’s always v v cautious abt befriending ppl just b/c she’s had a bad time w bullies n her one friend in life disappeared so like...bummer, y’kno?

can never say no. like, i dont think it’s in her vocabulary. she’s a yes gal.

will p much do anything u ask of her b/c she’s constantly seeking approval

can ramble a bit when she’s nervous which is always but she also apologizes like a lot.

squeaks like a mouse

present at parties but it’s always kinda like. who r u. n she has to remind everybody that she’s a sorority gal too

considers herself v v forgettable, like, just v unimportant

like she���s just rly insecure

still does computer shit n is still rly good at it but she hasn’t done anything srs w/ it so it’s just wasted potential

going to use her journalism degree to do investigative journalism and maybe escape her parents, eventually

she just. bends easily to other’s wills, y’know? she’s hashtag soft

even tho she’s like. shy n awkward n shit it doesn’t take a lot for her to like, laugh, or smile

like she tries rly hard to appear happy n an optimist n just like. unfettered

a lil plain jane we stan

i cant think of anything else but she’s. she’s a good kid

OH she’s rly good w numbers n math but like that’s abt it. she’s a whole dumbass on everything else sometimes

is bad w talking n giving advice like in person but like ?? in her column or ovr text or smth ? she’s good. she’s concise.

is a good team player/good w/ projects/etc. etc.

OH OKAY YEAH

she’s rly observant n b/c she’s a lil bit of a compulsive liar she can usually tell when ppl arent honest

depending on how close y’all r she’ll prolly crack down on ur bullshit

but she’s also timid so like who knows tbh

this isn’t a personality trait but she wears like medium hoop earrings all the time n it’s cute ok bye

OK OK LAST THING

she’s so. fucking. clumsy. she will bump into everything. she’ll bump into the air. fuck, she prolly falls over just standing straight. usually has bruises n scratches from just being a clumsy idiot

like she can b a lil ditzy y’know ?? doesn’t have much common sense, sometimes, n can b naive but idk it’s all rly dependent on her n who she’s w n just. how i end up playing her lmao

lovs vintage. is cute.

wanted connections

her roommate uwu

ppl she’s interacted w/ during her childhood !! she’s moved around a lot so like . . . . they could kno each other

mmm sorority sisters

um gimme a ride or die or like a best friend or smth PLS she needs more friends

just more friends in general. she’s awkward but she needs ‘em

?? a one night stand ?? she’s not really . . . known for hooking up w/ ppl but i think an accidental occurrence would b fun!

idk somebody for her to just. crush on from afar. prolly stutters whenever they come near or talk to her or smth

^^i mean like an unrequited crush

SOMEBODY USE HER ! RUIN HER !

FRIENDS OR FUCKING OR WHATEVER

fake friends too! use her for her ~kewl skillz~

bad influence

let her b a good influence

some kinda...skinny love idk what that means. a will they wont they. smth cute. smth pure

it’d be wild if her partner just popped up outta the blue like that b/c mari 100% thinks they were like killed by the government

ppl she gets high w n talk abt conspiracies w/ tbh

ppl she gives or has given advice to w her column pieces ! love it

idk partners in a class

enemies or smth. i want conflict.

a tutor for her dumbass

but also anybody who needs help in math? she can tutor u

idk like this we can work a lil smth smth out

i give u one penny, if u plot w me. pls. i am poor.

[nasty-fuckers]

Impure |SMUT❇|JungkookXreader| SUMMARY: jungkook and you recently become step-siblings with a secret attraction for each other but what if the both of you getting drunk in a party led to something more?

"y/n wake up" you hear a familiar voice say, You flutter your eyes open to reveal your very handsome stepbrother giving you his heartwarming smile that always makes your heart race a little bit more than normal. Realizing that it's gotten dark out you jump up landing in a sitting position on the edge of your bed " h-how long was I asleep for!?" You say to jungkook, as your hand reaches to grab his shirt from the sudden dizziness that rushed through your head. He catches you in his arms feeling a bit worried " A few hours, is everything okay? you missed dinner" He says. You answer with a nod "I just got a minor headache,school and work are tiring as hell" your cheeks turn red as you realize that he's still holding you in his arms and all you were thinking about at that moment was how gentle he held you although he could easily pick you up like you were some kind of light feather but you quickly push those thoughts to the side remembering that he's your stepbrother, yeah your stepbrother that you've only just met about 5 months ago. Your mother had just gotten remarried and that included you new brother. "you needed something jungkook-shi?" you asked, as you look up to give him your attention he nods letting you know he did and you could have sworn to see what seemed like red flush on his face for calling him "jungkook-shi" but Nah that couldn't be... " I came to check on you and also to see if you could lend me your homework?... but you honestly didn't hear a word he had just said you were to busy staring at his lips as he talked wondering how they would feel against yours, you had to admit jungkook was dangerously attractive and you'll sometimes find yourself fantasising about him... you knew it was wrong but you couldn't help it, you were head over heels for him. you suddenly snapped out of it when you hear him call you "y/n did you hear me?  realizing that you were still in you bedroom and he was still holding you... becoming embarrassed of your thoughts you quickly rush him out of your room closing the door behind him before he could see the blushing mess caused upon you. "does this mean you can't lend me your homework?" you heard him say from the other side of the door ~you slid the paper he wanted under the door and you heard him say a soft thanks and walked away... you let out a big sigh~ "im getting to my limit". you decided to take a shower to wash away any dirty thought about jungkook and head to bed again deciding not to eat dinner that day, you still had school the next morning... you and jungkook went to the same school, in fact you were both seniors, he would drive you to and from school but would go your separate ways once classes started. you usually met up with your best friend July who was the only one who knew you and jungkook were step-siblings, you didn't want the attention since he was obviously pretty popular... July-"girl you look terrible" "ahh I didn't get enough sleep last night" July-"you're always studying or working let's have some fun, Nam Joon is having a party tonight lets go please" you nod in agreement you could use some "fun"... it's almost 8:30 pm and you showed up to Nam Joons party wearing a short red dress showing off your legs and black heels, your long black hair gently resting on your shoulder and falling down your back like a waterfall you never thought you could look this good... you could feel eyes on you as you walked thru the crowd as casually as you could when you hear someone calling you over the loud music. it was July waving at you and asking you to go to where she was... as you made your way over to her you caught a particular person's attention, you didn't notice jungkook standing in a corner surrounded by a bunch of girls but he definitely noticed you... he decided to follow you around to make sure that no one tried anything funny, In time you managed to get really drunk. July pulled you into the dancefloor and you both started dancing. Some guy thats been eyeballing you for the longest tried to asking you to dance but you kindly refused, he still tried dancing with you hoping you'll change your mind and dance with him but jungkook was quicker than you to react grabbing him by the arm with a tight grip "she doesn't wanna dance with you, Buddy"he said sending the guy off. you turn around quickly to reveal that it was really jungkook " my hero" you say between giggles. he couldn't believe how drunk you were. "don't flatter yourself" he spat back but you weren't listening you were too busy admiring how good he looked, too good lets say the kind of thoughts consuming your mind weren't the purest of thought's about your sweet stepbrother but you knew it was the alcohol in your system making think this way...jungkook grabbed you and pulled you away from the crowd... "why didn't you tell me you were coming to the party" you were too drunk to even explain, little did you know you weren't the only one having impure thoughts. "we're going home right now he said" he called a cab being too drunk to drive... once you reach your house he carried you inside up to your bedroom and lays you on your bed he seemed to have a better alcohol tolerance or was he just hiding it somehow, in reality he was just as fucked up as you were. "im gonna go get you some water" he said... as soon as he got up to leave the room you grabbed his hand catching his attention... you pull on his arm as a singnal for him to come closer he wasn't far but you could see how he took small steps to avoid tripping... he sat on the floor next to your bed he opened and closed his mouth several times as if he wanted to say something but he never did... "stay with me tonight you whispered" breaking the akward silence that was becoming, you couldn't believe the words coming out of your mouth, your mind said no but your heart said yes... he seemed confused by your words as if he didn't quite hear what you said. -you sit up on your bed- catching his attention jungkook looks up and sees one of your sleeve hanging lower then where its supposed to be exposing your shoulder and your dress pulled up a little too high revealing too much. you start crawling towards the edge of the bed to meet him and as you reach for him you ask him again  to stay with you tonight... he knew where this was going and so did you and both of you decide to ignore the consequences of what was about to happen.. he grabbed your arm that was reaching out for him and he pulled  you down towards him making you land on him. you look at him in shock but he quickly grabbed you placing his hand on both sides of your face and crashing his lips with yours it was bitter from the alcohol but also so sweet and soft. you wanted this and so did he. He flipped you around and now he was on top of you but not once did your lips separate. he runs his hands down your body pulling up your short red dress, that dress that drove him crazy as soon as he saw you wearing it at the party. he rubbed his fingers across the thin layer of your underwear making you wet from his lewd touch. the smell of alcohol coming from him was intoxicating and so addicting you wanted him... at that moment he moved your panties to the side sliding a digit in your entrance as he kissed on you. he pulls your dress up more revealing your breast and he kissed his way down to you entrance whilst still fingering you, he starts licking and sucking on your clit making your back arch in pleasure you didn't know it'll end with him between your legs tongue fucking you in your bedroom while your parents were away but you loved it you wanted this, you felt so good right now you didn't want it to stop.. he was making you a moaning mess under him and you felt a strange feeling building up between your legs "i-I'm gonna cum!" you moaned out but he suddenly pulled away "not yet baby" he said and you whined from the loss of contact. Not long after he replaced his tongue with the tip of his hardened member. He looked at you for approval and even to his vision was hazy he saw you nod "please I want it jungkook" you whispered in the quiet room. He slowly pushes his member in making you gasp for air like if you were suddenly drowning. "are you ok?" he asked and you nod in agreement. once you adjusted to him his thrusts got faster and harder hitting the sweets spots deep inside you. hearing him curse under his breath as he banged into you made your eyes roll backwards "more please" you mennaged to moan out.. he tells you to turn around and you obey, getting on all four raising your ass in the air he stoped for a second to admire your behind. without warning slammed into you with force making you moan out loud from the overwhelming pleasure, he grabs your hair and places a hand around your throat squeezing it gently whilst still thrusting into you "your mine from now on" he whisper in your ear and you moan in approval "yes yes im only yours". He smacks your ass making you hiss in pleasure pounding into you making you moan uncontrollably, filling the room with lewd sounds. Then it hits you the familiar feeling from before a warmth spreading all over your body and the feeling of a knot building up in you stomach. "i-im gonna cum" you moaned out "im close too he manages to say between heavy breaths" he grabs you by your waist his nails digging into your skin that will surly leave a mark later on, thrusting harder into you sending both of you over the edge...  pleased with his work he collapses next to you on the floor trying to control your breaths not bothering to get dressed he gets up amd cleans you up with a towel he grabs some pillows and your blanket and lays back down on the floor where you are and places the blanket over you. his arms find their way around your waist brings you closer to him. He did stay with you that night just like you asked him to.

[brothalynchhung]

2018 overview

goddddd im so late lol i didnt forget about this blog I'm just active on my other account also I'm never uhhhh home and I'm so busy now god i feel like I'm losing myself and my youth hood from not updating here fml life got me fucked up

ANYWAYS 2018 was fucking crazy what the hell how did so much shit happen in one year

in the 2017 overview i talked about regretting and trying to make up time and ohhhh bitch.... looool

anyways lets start:

2018 immediately started with some bullshit

literally started 2018 turning up LMFAOOO

so it was a good start 

spent new years w old friends some shit ill never do again

hotel room bullshit, eating out, running around outside, late drives listening to early 2000s music

OMG the hotel jesus i remember now i started 2018 on that trash ass app

talking to weirdos

being liked by over 2000 people?

wow what fucking redemption from middle school and high school 

but like... i learned all men are fucking losers LMFAOO

had two weird ass ��dates” aka not really since i dipped those things quick aFFF lmao

fuck my old dumb friends for encouraging me to do that shit lol

was funny tho so who cares

this time (january) last year i was

broke

depressed about gl, no job, hating school

i was sooo depressed like 2018 until june i was literally just depressed and borderline suicidal cuz not having a job and being broke as shit was stressing me out so much

i tried so hard to get a job anywhere but for some reason it wasn't working???

i met(?????) that bitch HB LMAFOOOOO

godddd that fucking 5 hours 3 am call

all that weird obsessing and calls we used to have LMFAO he was such a fucking hoe why did i even waste my time

AND I STILL HAVENT MET HIM IRL YET LMFAOFPJEWIOGHERUGHESU EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME I SAW HIM AT CU AND EUIRHGEUISHRH INSANE

but yeah fuck him for calling me too thick but THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH

highly he was one the best things to happen to me in 2018?

he called me thick i got cheesed and 

I LOST 15+ POUNDS IN 2018 

honestly after years of saying ill lost weight ill lose weight I FINALLY FUCKING DID

god 2018 was honestly year of the grind

gym every single day

rip school gym LMFAOOO i lost all my weight there god bless

oh yeah i became vegetarian!! and now I'm vegan LMFAO plot twist?

JESUS REMEMBER WHEN HB SAID MY VOICE TURNED HIM ON I CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGERYISEGHUIEHEIOS LMFAOOOO FUCK HIM THANKS FOR INSPIRING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT AND BE SEXY SO I CAN STUNT ON ALL U UGLY ASS MEN

anyways he weirdly kept on trying to hit me up even after he called me too thick infront of the boys (to which they still defended me shout out boys) fucking loser... i shut him down lol

ntcntcjkjkntcjkntcjkjk lol

brockhaamptoonn

threw up from that night i got too drunk LMFAO what an experience never again

i turned up too much in 2018 -_____- i don't even like it wtf

was a lot of fun tho like thats what i wanted right? reclaim my time i lost in hs/early uni because those hoes we don't speak of

i really didnt do shit other than obsess over being broke depressed and missing gl in the beginning of 2018 sooo.. lets just... fast forward? god what a weird ass year

and going to the gym everyday

counting calories

i need to start doing that shit again cuz I'm actually terrified i might be 120 again after fucking dubai

my old ass friends who i basically used to make up for my regret and reclaim my youth from high school was basically all of the beginning of 2018 . yes thanks for the memories thanks for helping relive my past that i lost . thanks. ur appreciated it was fun

but fuck y'all cuz y'all never had anything in common with me and y'all r embarrassing and boring . i was the exciting and better one 

also fuck y'all for letting me down . after y'all fucked off i got successful 

when i obsessed over that ugly weird guy in my phi classes and then i saw him up close and he was UGHLYLYYK GHU AND WEIRD AF 

and he was on my tip crazy with his weird low key fetishing internally racist bullshit LMFAOOO

i think the fuck not

he's still in one of my classes now i gotta spend the whole semester avoiding him IFNWFUWifhqfuwighau

god

discovered my love for white rabbit

finally finished that lonely ass semester

went straight into summer school w/zainb

love her ass lol

wait was 2018 the year i ran into that weird at the mall who tried to kiss me withing 10 minutes of meeting me at bubble tea? LMFAOOO WHAT A FREAK GOD 

my fucking life fam istg

watching hxh ugh best time ever

got a job!!! 

GOT ANOTHER JOB!!!

TWO AT ONCE and one of them was so crazy good for my career 

to the point where I'm STILL in contact with them

seriously getting a job changed the year for me so much

got out of my bad depression starting making money

straight grind

work gym 

BOUGHT EVERYTHING I WANTED.

LITERALLY EVERYTHING

ALESIS . STUDIO SET UP . LOEWE BAG. AND MORE EVERYTHING I WANTED AND I LOST WEIGHT

like i accomplished everything????

its like the beginning of the 2018 year was me gearing up and mentally readying myself for when i fiINALLY GOT A JOB and then i accomplished everything i wanted

yo i was working 3 jobs and that catfish hip hop class 

LFMAOOOOO THAT HIP HOP COURSE OMGG LMFAOEJGUIE ICONIC

i killed that shit lmao😂

met that weird ugly kid that was talking all this bullshit about us being the same and him thinking he had a chance w me LMFAOOO okay sure there

all cuz of fucking r and her high school esque bullshit

honestly fuck her LMFAOO i don't wish her anything just fuck off after all the bullshit since middle school you put me thru 

her and her ugly ass bf i had to deal with god I'm so happy she's out of my life

used you to make up from lost time 😂 i don't need u anymore Im at peace with myself BYE 

i don't even feel sentimental when i was run or i need u like i finished the book and i closed that shit and i feel better like i got so much closure this year

sister got married suwhoooo 

weird encounter w dal? tf? girl bye you've been dead to me since 2012 LMFAOO

so much people i really don't give a fuck about

honestly in 2018 i just lost all my fucks and only focused on me 

it gonna stay like that

made so much new friends i cant even name them all 

love all my work friends club GANG

chilling w hec and crew gang gang

oh yeah that taurus bitch i got confused feelings over and wasted my time 

cut his annoying ugly weird ass off lol but whatever lost time reclaimed it was very 2011-13 esque

got rid of everything from my sunken period thank god

got rid of so much shit

the closure/transformation was real

anyways uhhh so yeah so then fall semester started just continued working and gaming 

 lowest i got was 113 but idk wat i am now :( I'm so scared i really don't want to be over 115 but I'm like always bloated so I can never check I'm so sad rn

cut off annoying friends fuck them i have new better ones and i love myself

jjkjkjkjknctncjtkcktn lol 

good music good book watched so much movies

I SAW BROCKHAMPTON JCOLE THE GORRILAZ THE INTERNET DELASOUL AND BLOOD ORANGE LIVE!!! BITCH WAT THE FUCK ALL IN ONE YEAR

toronto trip!! mil trip!!! all on my own fucking amazing

end of 2018 was so good omg 

ran into 2% jfc

drunk called 2% lMFAOOO god just said sorry for nothing lmao i just want gl I'm clinging on to anything

OH YEAH that ugly broke bitch who wasted my time and objectified me yeah fuck him 

if he didnt do that disrespectful ass shit i wouldn't have called 2% ugh god

never using that trash app ever again 

ended 2018 in dubai 

YSL LOEWE ALL ON ME???? YES BITCH 

didnt feel like a failure in dubai stunt on everyone

ended this year amazing

really looking forward to 2019

looking forward to losing weight -____________- still

looking forward to money

accomplishing goals

getting closer to gl

FINISHING FUCKING SCHOOL FINALLY 

just happiness.. 

I'm happy. 2019 I'm ready lets fucking go. gl lets go . I'm on my way

went from broke hopeless no job depressed to thriving beautiful UP TO 4 JOBS everyone can fuck off

[kpsoa97xs-blog]

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[babydolltheanimatronic]

Persona 5 origins: Kimika Hayashi chp 3

ok this one came out pretty long. so u had to put it under the read more bar.

Kimika panted tiredly as the song came to an end. Her instructor clapped her hands happily “great routine everyone! I expect this same energy tomarrow! Class dismissed!” she chirped. Children flooded out of the studio happily. Kimika stepped out into the warm sunlight.  It had been a few months since her father got back on his feet emotionally and financially. With this new sense of renewal and passion her father returned from his long term leave to continue running his company. Her father lead a very successful talent business. Seeking out all form of talent in japan and internationally. Singers, dancers, models and actors.

��hey Kimika wanna come to my house? My mom made her special peach pie!”  a boy asked

“sorry not today! My dad and I are going out for dinner!” she replied waving off her classmate “save me a slice for next time!”

~Meanwhile at her father’s compny~

“so Shiro how did your date go last night?” a coworker asked the man  who sighed with disdain. “lets just say I  wont be calling for  a second one.”

The  coworker cringed “that bad huh?”

“it just so hard to find a decent woman. Seems like every woman ive gone out with just comes across as a bad choice for Kimika. Ugh I wish I could just meet a woman  who’s sweet and kind and beautiful- ”

“like your late wife?” the coworker teased Making Shiro roll his eyes “no one could replace Kira” he scoffed. The coworker put a hand on Shiro’s shoulder“ I get you want a good mother figure for Kimika but don’t forget to look for someone who makes you happy too”

“I guess your right. Its not like the perfect woman will fall tight into my arms anyway” he laughed looking at his watch “I should get going, I promised Kimika id take her to that little bistro for dinner tonight”

Out in the waiting area Kimika sat happily. Her ear’s perked up at the sound of the door opening but was disappointed when only a woman with long black hair only came out. She was on the phone speaking coldly. As the same time her dad came out of his office, busying looking thru his bag  to see the black haired woman coming  around the corner

“I don’t care who her mother is, if I say she’s out then then she’s out! If she has a problem then Ill glady tell her here she can shov-”

Papers and  books suddenly went flying, the woman stumbled but was caught by her father. In reflex her father swooped the girl up in his arms. The woman looked like she was about to say something but stopped when she locked eyes with Shiro

“im so sorry! I didn’t see where I…. was going” Shiro stared to  apololgize but slowed to a stop. This woman was… beautiful. Long silken hair, fierce green eyes that just captivating the smokey make up only completed the look

“oh no the fault was all my own Mr. Hayayshi” she expressed as he set her down

That’s right.. this woman worked for him, in ran the modeling department of his company

“Natsumi Kono, right?”

The woman smiled and nodded. Shiro quickly went to pick up her things

“Miss Kono please allow me to  aplologize properly! I was on my way to  dinner with my daughter would you like to accompany us?”

Kimika froze when the woman turned her gaze on her. She wasn’t sure why it made her uncomfortable. Her mouth was smiling but her eyes weren’t smiling at all..

“I would be honored Mr. Hayashi. Especially with such a cute little girl” she  chuckled

 ~8 months later~

Bells chimed at rice and confetti filled the hair Kimika, now 13 watched her father and her now Step-mother Natsumi walk down the church steps. Its seemed a little fast to her but as long her father was happy so was she.

“lets get a photo of the happy family! ” the photographer called. Kimika too her position in front of her father and stepmother. As the photographer counted to 3 out of know where Natsumi dropped the bouquet. Helpful as always Kimika bent down to pick it up. Just as she grabbed the bouquet the flash went off. The girl looked up in confusion

“I think one is enough” she smiled at the photographer

~sometime later~

Kimika watched as movers ran back and forth bringing in item after item of Natsumi’s things

“she sure has a lot of stuff..” Kimika piped. There had to be a lot of  stuff moved to make make room for Natsumi.  Her farther moved his office to the basement while Kimika was forced to give up her playroom.

“does.. she have to have so much?” she questioned? Her father sighed putting his hands on her shoulders

“Kimika, I know this is a big change but once she’s  moved all it things will  be fine. Who knows before you know it you two will be best friends. ”

“I don’t know daddy.. something seems off..” she admitted in a quiet voice

“I just need  you to try ok? For me?” he pleaded

“ok, ill try.. for you”

Smiling her father kissed her forhead “hey im gonna go get us all some dinner, why don’t you get settled in?”

“hey were do you want this?” a mover called her was holding a box labled ‘notes” with lots of music symbols around it

“ill take it!” Kimika proclaimed taking the box

It was a box of her fathers music notes. She was sure he wanted them where he could find them later.

As Kimika  entered her father and  now stepmother’s room. Natsumi had so many things. A large mirror with detailed carvings,   more clothes then she had ever seen in her life and a large vanity with tons of jewelry , accessories and make up putting the papers down on her bed Kimika stalked over to the vanity. So many colors and pallets. Her picked up  a small container that seemed to be dilled with some sort of scented white powder. She sniffed it. It smelled like  flora

“well look who let themselves right in” a cold silken voice said. Whipping around she saw Natsumi, glaring at her. That gaze again. It made her feel so small, like she was an insect. Natsumi walked over her. Suddenly feeling embarrassed Kimika bowed her head

“i-i-I’m sorry stepmother I should of came in here without permission”

She said nothing. Only took the cantainter from her

“did you touch this?”

A short pause Kimika nodded. Suddenly  Natsumi threw the container to the floor. Spreading poweder all over. The womans hand snaked over grabbing Kimika but one of her braids. The child yelped put in suprise.

“I will only tell you this once…” she started pausing her face scaned over Kimika’s face. There was a quick flash of something Kimika couldnt recognize. realization? fear?

“stay out of our room. I don’t want you touching my things” she finish relinquishing her

“no get out” she hissed

Letting out a small hiccup Kimika rushed out of the room.

Kimika came down the steps in a huff, ballet shoes inhands “bye dad im going to  practice!” she called

“hold on sweetie we need to talk to you about something!”

“yes daddy?” “well we needed to discuss some things, since Natsumi lives with us  now-” he started  “darling why don’t you let me handle this?” Natsumi interrupted. Id like chat alone with Kimika,  yknow girl to girl” she requested sweetly

“oh alright your wish is my command ” he joked “ill leave you ladies to it” he called walking  out of the room. Natsumi turned her gaze on Kimika. that feeling of inferiority washed over her again

“come here child”

She wanted to move but not toward her, instead out the room

“I said come here!” she said harshly. This made Kimika come closer. Once in range Natsumi grabbed the girls chin and pulled her in to get a closer look. It seem like ages that she examined the child’s face. Suddenly she scoffed and roughly let go

 “you know when I look at you I see none of Shiro. Only your mother, that foreigner. Sure she was talented but never truly fit in our society” she said coldly with a laugh

“this all must me so difficult for you, the world seems to constantly spin for you” she spoke “you must know that I will never take your mother’s place and I don’t intend tot fill it. So lets get that idea out of your head shall we?”

Kimika fought back tears. Why was she so cold? She seemed to kind in the beginning or maybe she was never kind to begin with. “m-may I go now?”

“not just yet”

“last night you left this room a total mess, youre not a little girl anymore! Its time you stopped acting like a spoiled little princess and pull your own weight around here.” She growled shoving a broom into her hand “you will  do as  clean and do everything  I tell you understand?”

Conflicted Kimika could only nod “yes stepmother”

Natsumi smirked at the girl “good now get to it . you wont step a ballet shoe out that door until this room is spotless!”

“hmm not bad but there seems to be something wrong with this carpet”

“what?”

“you missed a spot, right.. there” she  said knowing over the large plant. Dirt spilled out

“Natsumi, im gonna run to the office- what happened  here?” her father questioned

“poor Kimika she got careless with the broom and knocked over the plant”

“oh I see, you need to be mor careful next time Kimi, be a dear and clean that up” he kissed Natsumi on the cheek before leaving. The woman gave an all knowing glance at her

“you heard him, clean it up” she chuckled turning on heel out of the room.

 From then on it was constant chores from down until dusk. She was so busy she never had the time (or energy to  even go to the neighborhood studio to practice dancing.  Kimika’s father soon started  doing more work out of the city and even out of the country

-3 years later-

It had been a long day, she had to go up to school all by herself to pick up her uniform. She would be starting high school soon at Shujin academy. Her father was still overseas for work so it was sadly her and her stepmother. To top it all off she had to practically go around town getting all  the thing Natsumi needed. She  was grateful to spend a few hours at the dance studio where Masayo and her practiced for a bit. Time got a away from her a little but she managed to get back before it was too late. Kimika entered the house and she could of sworn she heard giggling? It was cominf from  down the hall. Was her father back? Putting down all the bags she walked down the hall. The door was open with articles of clothes were  scattered about. The girl saw a pair of male shoes, an got a sick sensation in her stomach

~these aren’t dad’s..~

Walking into the the door way Kimika looked in horror.  Natsumi was on the bed entangled around a man that was definitely not her father. He had to be at least 20 years younger. Wait.. she knew him, he worked in the financials.  Natsumi let out a moan, kissing a strange man.  A sound of disgust escaped her lips before Kimika could stop it. The couple jumped at  the noise looking at her

“I thought you said she was out??” the man said in a panicked tone. He quickly scrambled off the of Natsumi  and the bed. Natsumi threw on a robe. Kimika tried to back out of the room but Natsumi lunged for her  grabbing her arm in an Iron grip. She struggled with all her might but couldnt get the woman to let go.

“let go of me! I cant believe youre doing this to my father, after everything he’s done for you!”

“shut up!!” she hissed

“this is bad! This is very bad!  When Shiro finds out ill lose my job!” he panicked “ not to mention what will happen to you!

“ stop your pathetic blabbering Koichi! Shiro will not find out and she wont tell a soul ” she  spat pushing Kimika into a chair. Koichi shrugged on the last of his pants before running out of the room “ Koichi wait don’t go!” she begged, looking flustered but only heard the slam of the front door. Natsumi turned to Kimika staring at her with so much hate

“Kimika im not sure what you saw but Koichi is a dear friend” she said in a comforting voice reaching for her but the girl flinched away. This woman was beyond disgusting

“I can see you two are very close” she muttered

“I cant even begin to process this… I need time to think”

“Think of your father. Things have been so good these past few years. His depression has become almost non existant, the company is flourishing with business and a wife he love very very much. Now what would happen If you go running your mouth hmm? he would never trust me again.  This marraiged would fall apart.. I cant imagine how a divorce would send him spiraling back into depression. You wouldn’t want that would you?

 Kimika thought about her father and his mental health. After her mom died he  was absolutely miserable but The last few years her father’s mental health have been improving. He still took medication and therapy but he was doing so much better. He was always happy and smiling just like she alwayed wanted him to be again

 “that’s what I thought. Now heres how its gonna go. You will act like you saw none of this.  You wont breathe a word of this to your father!”she demanded

“what makes you think ill keep quiet about this?” Kimika Excaimed , tears threatening to spill. This couldn’t be happening

“because if I divorce your father he will lose everyting and I mean everything. Its all in the paperwork. If your father dies or divorces me I get it all,  the house, the money and the company. You’ll be put out on the streets”

“what?? That cant be true! He’s always told me id take over ” she was told in private  that one day she’d take over the company. Why would he change it

“believe it  cupcake. Your stupid child mind wouldn’t understand how easy it is to manipulate men.“ she laughed coldly “ so I hope we have an understanding of each other. You say a word and ill drag your father thru the dirt to hell and back. He will never recover from this”

Kimika let out a sob, she never felt so powerless “you’re a monster..”