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softstraykidsimagines · 7 years ago

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Boyfriend!Felix Stray Kids

OH BOY

Felix.

The meme himself

The creator of Changpil

I know right here and now this is going to end me

Let’s get started!

His crush on you is so bloody obvious

He’s not the subtle type

That’s not to say he isn’t hella shy with you tho

No no

He’s gonna tease you to no end istg

But he’ll always end up reassuring you that he doesn’t mean it at all and how special you truly are

Just RaNDoMly likes to crush you in a hug

Quoting the meme “that’s my best friend that’s my best friend!!””

Ye he’s very energetic with you

He’s never

NEVER

Going to stop talking around you

Unless he gets flustered with you

And then he’ll sit verrrrry still

Hands on his lap

With his lips pressed together

And owl eyes

0_0

You don’t really get why he does it

It’s cute tho

What you don’t realize is that he’s fighting with every fiber of his being to not scream and dance around because

Holy shit

He’s head over heels for you

He’s gonna try to confess romantically

Pfft like that’s gonna work out

Gonna try to take you to your favorite takeout restaurant and buy your favorite food

And he’s gonna try to stay calm

He doesn’t stay calm

He’ll suddenly blurt everything in one go:

“Soireallylikeyouandivelikedyouforasuperlongtimesoiwashopingwecouldhangoutasmorethanjustfriendssometime???!!!!!”

Basically shouted

And you’re sitting in front of him SH00K AF because

1) he confessed so suddenly

2) he did just basically yell in your face

Needless to say you’re a little lost

And poor Felix

He just looks at you horrified, apologizes for shouting and kinda looks in every direction as if waiting for someone to come rescue him

But he doesn’t get up

And finally lowers his head

“Sorry I was an idiot there…. I panicked…? I don’t know how to think staight with you”

And you’re about to get teary-eyed because BOI THAT WAS SO SINCERE

“I really like you too, Felix” you say beaming

He’s gonna look at you with the happiest smile ever omg

The same expression he had when JYP said they were debuting as 9 that expression gives me life tbh

So there we go! You guys go on a first date and it’s a sealed deal from there!

Dates with Felix

How to put it?

Chaotic? Ye that’s the word

Improvised, chaotic, fun, amazing dates

You’re ready to collapse at the end of it lol

Especially loves to go to archades or a laser tag I LOVE LASER TAG AND I WANT TO PLAY LASER TAG WITH FELIX DAMMIT *ahem* excuse me

Can you imagine running around in a dark room playing against another huge team

Which Felix is in

You don’t really know-how you both ended up on different teams smh

And you round a corner to see him facing you with the slyest of smiles

“Hey y/n! Look, I’ve got a gun!!” And proceeds to shoot you

Earning a yell of anger from you as he runs away laughing his ass off

Isn’t shy about skinship

Holds your hand without hesitation

But if you peck him on the cheek without warning

He’s gonna have a red face

And he’ll slowly melt into a puddle of goo in your hands

Ye he’s soft

Your first kiss is from a dare I bet

“You need to beat me at this game or I get a kiss”

“But you’re really good at this game and I suck!!”

“Exactly! Now let’s play”

He wins but you refuse to kiss him

“I never agreed to your terms, mister”

He pouts like a puppy but you don’t back down

“Fine then” he sulks “I’ll play it your way” and he snatches your food

Crisps, gummy sweets or a churro, he’s gonna take it and run off with it

“HOW. DARE. YOU STEAL MY FOOD! GET BACK HERE” you run after him, and you both get looks from passing people they judgin you hard

You finally catch up to him, huffing and puffing “give it back, dork”

He jumps around refusing to give your food back

You’ve lost all patience by now

You’re practically steaming when you finally growl “give it back you son of a b—“

He kissed you right on the lips, interrupting you

When you part he’s gonna let out a little scream

“I’m sorry I surprised you! That wasn’t at all planned! Can we rewind and start over??”

And then he’ll run away again, panicking.

With your food.

“FELIX ITS FINE JUST GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN SNACK”

Hehe you better wear ear defenders when you meet the rest of SK

They’re gonna scream 10x louder than ever when they see you

Congratulating Felix, warning you not to tell him where you hide your food etc

You know, Stray Kids stuff :)

“Y/n, can you teach us how you keep him under control?” -Hyunjin

“That would be useful but no one can control that hurricane of a kid” -Chan

“Feel free to hit him if he gets too annoying” -Jisung, as felix tries to wrestle him into the ground

“I hope you’re the right one for him, y/n” says Changbin. “He’s a good person, so don’t hurt him; or you’ll have to deal with me” it highkey sounds like a threat, hello Changlix

You two are the couple that don’t know wtf they’re doing half the time

You’re just having the time of your lives being together

Both of you will be lost if the other gets sick

“Is it a cold? Flu? What can I do to help?? And I might need help in helping you...” -either one of you

After many failed attempts at trying to make food or find the right medicine, you’ll just fall asleep on each other, completely exhausted

Felix can get insecure about his elimination in the 9th cries in 4 different languages

And sometimes will work himself to the bone

If you try to stop him he’ll get really defensive

He’ll push you away

“You don’t understand! You can’t understand! How can you?! I need to get this perfect or... or.....”

He realizes what he said and that it must have hurt you

Even if you keep a plain face and a steady voice, he’ll know that it hurts you

He’ll just break down in tears

“I’m sorry *sniff* I can’t even talk to you properly.... I want to get this right, I want to prove that I deserve to be in Stray Kids....”

You’re crying as hard as he is

Because his pain is yours as well

You hug him tightly, listing all the amazing things he can do

And all the things you love about him

And you’ll repeat over and over how much he does deserve to be in Stray Kids

And that will calm him down

NO MORE ANGST IM CRYING DONT LOOK AT ME

He loves teaching you dances

Not just dances that SK have done, but dances he’s done before moving to Korea

Will actually interrupt you if you try to tell him that you can’t dance

“You can. Because I’m teaching you. And i say you can dance. So you can dance.”

Veeeerrry stubborn

Tried to teach you to beat box like him

It doesn’t work

Sometimes asks for help when he’s learning something new in Korean

Even if you suck at speaking it he’ll enjoy trying to learn with you

Isn’t the texting type

He’ll call/FaceTime you when he knows you’re free and when he wants to update you in the day

Is the type to yell your name as soon as you pick up

And you reciprocate by yelling his name

If you’re in a place where you won’t draw too much attention to yourself

You both send your fav memes

Or quote them lmao

He loves quoting hella old things the other members have said and melts when you start saying them too

It drives SK up the wall RIP

You two are in charge of cooking 2-3 nights a week for the boys

Neither of you know why Chan was so ruddy insistant on it

But meh you just roll with it

If you have to cut onions, you’re both gonna start singing Seventeen’s ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’

The cooking days can be either a complete success

Or a total disaster

There is no in between

At all.

But most of the time you guys make a decent meal to feed 8 other hungry children artists so everyone’s happy

This boy is nervous as fuck to meet your family

At first he tries to back out of it

“Ah ye, I think I’ll be sick on that day?”

“What?”

“I MEAN I MIGHT HAVE AN APPOINTMENT”

He sucks at lying

But he actually gets his shit together when you meet up

Good clothes, perfect hair I mean he has perfect hair anyway sooo

And he’s super smiley

He’s obviously tense

To you anyway

But your fam don’t seem to pick up on his nervousness

And the day goes by smoothly, and Felix finally relaxes

He’s gonna flip his shit when you ask to come with him next time he goes to Australia

He’s gonna start planning it immediately

If his family don’t beat him to it and visit in Korea that is....

Then he stops functioning

Amazing s/o + family = happiest boy on the planet

And you’re relatively chilled about meeting him parents

And they are SO SWEET

You get along so freaking well with his sisters and he lowkey becomes jealous

It’s just the most amazing thing for both of you ever

In the evenings after practice Felix loves to just drift off while you two talk

From what you did in the day to a random anecdote from a decade ago

He enjoys the peace of it until he falls asleep

Will collapse with happiness if you wear his hoodies

“ITS LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU”

“Felix are you seriously crying right now?”

“I’m just so stupidly lucky”

Definitely not gonna say ‘I love you’ on purpose

100% an accident

He’s gonna say it when he’s half asleep, probs won’t even realize that he’s said it until you react

“Man, I must dead-ass be the luckiest person on Earth to have someone as amazing as you” he rambles. “I love you so much and I just want to tell the world that I do....”

Leaving you SH00K to the core

“YOU WOT MATE?”

If you say it first he’s gonna cry

Don’t @ me I know he’s gonna cry

He's probs stolen your food again

And he’s lowkey being a twat

“If you had to choose your fav food or me, what would you choose?”

“Seriously? The food, duh”

“DUDE WHAT? Alright then! I’ll just leave” you drag him back by his arm

“Noooooo don’t leave I don’t want you to gooooo”

“Why not?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT, WHY ELSE YOU IDIOT”

He’d do that thing again

0_0

“Oh my god, Felix I’m sorry it just slipped out”

“...”

“Felix?”

“I LOVE YOU TOO” he screams

Once again leaving you SH00K

And he’ll crush you in the biggest hug ever

IM SO SOFT HALP MEH

When SK are away

Ngl, I would pray for them

Felix is a whiney baby without you

Can even be in a grumpy mood

FaceTimes you in the evenings

His or your evenings, depending on the time zone

And you two will talk quietly until one of you falls asleep

It’s insanely adorable

Will actually start dancing in the airport before seeing you because he’s so bloody excited

And the rest of the boys disown him

“Who’s that, dancing? He looks like a pigeon” -Woojin

“Dunno, never seen him before in my life” -Minho

Earning a protest from Felix

Your ears will fall off when he finally sees you

“OHMYGODY/NYOU’REHEREI’VEMISSEDYOUSOMUCHI’MSOGLADTOSEEYOUAGAIN”

“FELIX SHUT UP YOU’RE RAMBLING AGAIN”

“WHY ARE WE STILL YELLING?”

Changbin butts in “I DON’T KNOW SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”

He’ll go public about your relationship anytime after a year

In the least flattering way for you

He’s definitely the guy who pretends to take a photo and ends up taking a video smh

You’re both smiling at the camera and he’s not taking it

“Hurry up, man, my cheekbones are getting sore”

No response from him

You immediately catch on what he was doing

“Omg I can’t believe you!!!”

As he laughs like an idiot

Will still make sure you’re ok with him posting it tho

And when he does

TheInternetHasShutDown.jpg

You guys will break the internet

There’s not a single person of consequence who doesn’t love you two

It’s absolutely amazing

A/N: PHEW! This adorable nugget coming to wreck all your bias lists lmao

Hope enjoy reading! Later :D

#stray kids #felix #lee felix #stray kids felix #stray kids imagines #felix imagine #felix lee imagine #felix lee #lee felix imagines #jyp #jyp entertainment #boyfriend

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dust-tone · 6 years ago

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Dust-Tone Interview: Sweatson Klank (fka TAKE)

art by dusq.

Sweatson Klank (formerly known as Take) is nothing short of a musical pioneer. Having been at the center of the ever-growing beats community for almost two decades now, Tom Wilson has helped engineer the creative environment that is known and loved today. You can find his discography scattered amongst nearly a dozen revered labels (including Project: Mooncircle, All City, Friends of Friends, Poo-Bah, Alpha Pup and more). He has also produced an extensive collection of official DJ mixes for beloved radio stations and collectives (BBC, dublab, BTS, Low End Theory, Brainfeeder and many more). Most important to note however is his paramount Sketchbook night which laid the foundation for the famed Low End Theory and the fertile Los Angeles beat community as a whole in the early-mid 2000′s.

While Sweatson Klank is both busy with musical projects and running the label Tone and Manor, we were fortunate enough to sit down and get his perspective on the current musical climate.

Dust-Tone: When did you first start making music and what got you interested in it? Early influences?

Sweatson Klank: I started making music when i was 13. I had a deep connection to music really early on. I got a guitar and took lessons for a year. From there on I jammed with my friends and eventually started a couple little bands in High School. I also got a bass and started playing bass a little here and there. These bands were just little garage bands where we would play parties and wherever we got invited to play, but it was good fun and I learned a lot from those experiences. When i got to college i quickly started looking for other musicians to form a band with but had trouble finding people I related to musically. Around that time I went to a huge house party off campus and really got my first taste of what a dj was truly capable of. This guy, who later became a good friend was rocking a crown of about 300 people with just turntables, records and a mixer. Mind you, this was well before cdjs or Serato. At the time is was still really special to witness a dj playing records and doing so with a technical prowess I hadn't ever seen before. I had an epiphany, that night. I watched this dj just control a crowd and they were loving it. I had been having trouble forming a new band because I had a really strong opinion of what i wanted it to sound like and others didn't seem to see eye to eye with me. I was always telling people how to play and what to play with their instruments. As you can imagine, no one really liked that hahaha. Little did i know i was a producer in the making. I had all these ideas but I wasn't capable of playing them or truly expressing them yet. So back to this party, I was shocked to see this dj setting the vibe and expressing himself through playing records. I sat there all night bugging him to let me try it. Of course, he kept saying no, get lost. Finally as it got later and he got drunker, he told me " If you want to make a fool of yourself go ahead" and handed me the headphones. I had never touched a turntable or mixer in my life, but i had been watching him do it all night. So i got up there and started flipping through his records, which i knew absolutely nothing about, they were all house records. The only record i knew was a Micheal Jackson record - " Don't Stop Till You Get Enough" so i grabbed it and somehow magically blended a perfect mix on my first try and the crowd went nuts!! Most likely because it was MJ and that song gets any party hype hahah.. So i grabbed another record i didn't know and tried again and completely train wrecked and the dj grabbed the head phones back from me and went back on. That one moment of glory though was enough to set it all off for me. The next week i was at his house begging him to teach me and practice on his turntables. Its just snowballed from there. i was hooked, started buying records, eventually got turntables, a club night, started dj'ing all over. I learned to dj playing house music but i was much more into Hip Hop and Funk and Soul. After about a year, i realized i wanted to actually make tracks and not just be a dj. So i got a drum machine, and then a sampler, and a four track and there you have it, i was on my way to doing what i still love to do today.

DT: What are you currently listening to? Does this affect the evolution of your current sound? Do you find yourself holding onto influences and themes of the past over new music tendencies or is how you make music flowing more with the changing of the times?

SK: That question is pretty difficult because I listen to so much music all the time. I really don't listen to any one style of music constantly. I love to discover old music that I didn't know. Record collecting is still one of my favorite hobbies so Im constantly finding stuff from the past that is incredibly inspiring and influential in the music i make today. I think i am much more inspired by the sounds of the past than i am the sounds of most fo todays music. As an artist, your tastes are constantly evolving, and to me thats a beautiful thing. It shows your own growth, and life is all about growing. When I am not in the studio working, i generally prefer to listen to old records. Jazz, Brazilian, African, weird electronic library records, New Age music and i love 80's Soul/R&B boogie stuff!

DT: You've been a pretty important staple in the "beat scene" for over a decade now. Low End Theory (which has now sadly come to a finale), Dublab, AllCity, Warp, Ghostly, Poobah, Project Mooncircle, even BBC and so many more love you. You are the modern hero to the independent beat maker. Do you feel like growing up on the west coast had any impact on early exposure to this musical way of thought? Able to meet the right people, get pushed in the right directions, etc?

SK: Thanks man, so nice of you. I think just having a forward thinking attitude about music and life really helped me most. Low End was a great place that helped me get noticed and meet tons of incredible people who shared similar perspectives on music. Before Low End though, we had a night called Sketchbook which was essentially an early version of all of that. Our goal was just to push the weirder left field side of hip hop and downtempo electronic music before it was actually cool. It was an uphill battle at first but but we just did it out of love for the music and a passion to play stuff no one else was playing.

DT: How has the "beats" community changed since you first entered it? Some would argue what was once a niche LA sound has spread worldwide and transformed through the different cultures. Does this influence your music?

SK: When we started doing this, it was just our own form of expression, we had no idea it would eventually grow into the "Beat Scene" and now in turn, people call it Lo Fi hip hop.. i just laugh. Its all good. I think there are tons of great producers out there making really interesting beats!! So Im happy to maybe have been a part of the birth of whatever the movement wants to call itself now. I think I am more in awe and influenced by the OG's than the new comers. To me everyone has one great record in them.. But to put out great music for years and years, thats a different story. That is what inspires and influences me the most. When i leave this earth, I want to leave behind a vast catalog of musical creations, regardless of if any of it was commercially successful or popular. Just like most of the records I admire most from 30-40 years ago. They were never hugely popular, but they were incredible!

DT: What is your creative process like? Do you start with the tool or from the imagination? Or both? Do you find yourself ever using traditional methods for making music or do you normally stick to the DAW? (which DAW/gear do you use?)

SK: My process really varies. Sometimes I start with a sample, other-times i just lay out a chord progression on the piano or a synth and build from there. I try to find new ways to tap into creativity so that im not bored. There is really no one single approach to making music. I use Ableton as my main DAW but I also use a ton of external instruments like synths, guitars, bass, drum machines, percussion instruments, vinyl samples.

DT: Fine Lines, your latest release from FoF Music is incredible. Did you have a specific aural goal with this album or did you just create and let the sound emerge naturally? Are you currently working on anything for the future or currently focusing more on support for your latest release? Anything exciting planned for 2019?

SK: With the 'Fine Lines' album I really wanted to create a cohesive album that embodied a specific vibe. How that vibe is perceived is up to the listener of course, but i sought out to make something that was indicative of my life during the making of these songs. In its most basic explanation its a story of growth, love, battling darkness both inner and outer and the never ending search for true happiness hahha. Yes I have a bunch of stuff slated for 2019. First off i just launched my label Tone and Manor. We just released our first compilation " All Over the Place" Vol. 1 and have Vol. 2 coming out in November. The Tone and Manor label is a passion project of mine. I teach music production at Point Blank Music Academy and I mentor a lot of young producers and beginners and the label is a way for me to help some of them get their music out there into the often confusing music sphere. I also have a new album coming out in 2019.. Im really excited about that. For this one I am really going back to my roots. Analog synths, samples, instruments and in general a more organic vibe to the music. Its getting closed to finish and im really hyped to share it when its ready. The first single will likely come out early 2019.

DT: Do you find that switching your name brought any confusion? Do Sweatson Klank and TAKE focus on separate sounds or do they have a similar theme you aim for?

SK: Switching my name from Take to Sweatson Klank was purely for the reason that Take became increasingly impossible to find online, being that its a verb used in every other sentence. It was a bit hard at first to re-brand but im glad i did it. The sound has always been me. Its the evolution of me as an artist. If i was still TAKE the songs I've released as Sweatson Klank would be the same. It was really just a name change, not a style change. The intention hasn't changed.

DT: Please recommend something you're currently listening to, favorite place to get food in LA (are you an LA native), and a film or book if you have had time to indulge.

SK: Currently as i write this i am listening to a track from 1985 called 'Plastic Love' by a Japanese Female Soul artist named Mariya Takeuchi. The list of things i listen to could fill up 3 pages hahaha. Lets just say i listen to everything!!! I stay up on the latest hip hop, house, techno but I find more pleasure in digging through old records and discovery things from different times and countries!! Yes, I would say I am an LA native, I moved here from Paris, France when I was 5. Favorite place to eat really depends on the mood! Sushi Gen in Little Tokyo is definitely a regular in my rotation. Current read; The book of Joy by Douglas AbramsI just want thanks for taking the time to shine a light on me and my work, I hope your readers enjoy.

Sweatson Klank’s music is available direct from the artist through bandcamp: https://sweatsonklank.bandcamp.com

And his label’s discography as well: https://toneandmanor.bandcamp.com

Huge thanks to Tom Wilson for taking the time to talk with us and give a window to his world.

#features #take #sweatson klank #los angeles #dublab #sketchbook #low end theory #beat scene #alpha pup #brainfeeder

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mvssmallow · 7 years ago

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Cloudy With A Chance

Chapter 29 Part II: …of swimming pools

Masterlist

Everyone tells them that she has his dimples and eyes but every time he looks at her face, all he can see is Jiwon’s toothy smile and cheeky smirk. They paint her room pale blue but her shoes are always red, like the shade of shiny ripe apples.

****

He tells himself, time after time, not to take anything for granted. And he doesn’t. Not Jiwon’s undivided attention, or how he always asks for advice (as if there weren’t more qualified people in his life to give them), or texts and phone calls about nothing. On top of that list is waking up next to that familiar warm body with all it’s reassuring weight, living and breathing beside him.

He knows that soon enough, in the not too distant future, all these things will fade and become few and far between. He knows it’s coming, like stormclouds on the horizon. But you can’t get on top of the mountain without shedding a few things. Sacrifices and compromises will have to be made and if he has to be the one doing most of that, so be it.

I guess that’s what you get for being in love with someone so amazing.

It’s so easy to love Jiwon in his mind and in his heart but it’s still difficult to say it out loud, he doesn’t pretend that it’s getting easier as the months go by, because it doesn’t. If anything, it’s even worse because the stakes keep getting higher and higher.

Love is for crazy people. Crazy brave people. He doesn’t want to admit that it’s hard but it is. Acknowledging all their feelings makes everything real. To accept that he’s in love is to accept that he’s now got a weakness and responsibility. To be attached to someone is to leave yourself vulnerable to the possibility that they might one day leave. But it’s all or nothing, he can’t have all the good parts without accepting the bad. Love takes all kinds of courage. There’s no bravery in being alone, there’s just survival, which isn’t the same thing. Before Jiwon, he’s pretty sure he wasn’t living at all, just merely surviving.

Maybe Jiwon’s trip to Japan wasn’t such a bad thing. He can get used to being alone again and wean himself off needing Jiwon so much. Not that he wants to admit that either but one day, he won’t get to decide anymore. He won’t be in control of their lives and wanting Jiwon won’t be as easy as just reaching out across some crumpled sheets and wordlessly demanding it. At some point, he won’t be the most important thing in Jiwon’s life and he’ll have to wait for the sun to shine his way, like everyone else.

Right on cue, as if Jiwon heard him waking up, a text message buzzes on his phone.

[morning baby, its freezing here! its gonna be sunny in sk tho]

[thnx for packing the coat, wearin it now]

Yeah, he’s going to miss this so much one day, especially being called baby. Nobody has ever called him that before. He hates it; how much he loves hearing it. Yes, call me baby. I am your baby.

[hey, you’re welcome. How are you feeling? How’s the hangover?]

[im ok. headache tho]

[did you take the tablets I packed?]

[yeah i did, thanks]

[wish i was there with you]

[you are]

[what?]

[took you with me]

There’s a photo that loads on his screen. It’s all the layers of clothes on Jiwon’s chest: a pink t-shirt underneath a familiar gray hoody underneath that caramel coloured coat that they both share.

He knows what Jiwon’s doing, the implication and explanation coming in a photo because he can’t articulate it in a text message. It fills him with so much fondness that his chest constricts violently and he can feels the start of a tear in the corner of his eye. How are you supposed to respond to something like that?

[great, now what am I supposed to wear?]

[lol idk go naked]

[south korea isn’t ready for that]

[haha! you can practice when i come back, ok?]

[you wish]

[i do actually]

[shut up Jiwon]

[lol, i gotta go. Jin’s glaring at me]

[Good Luck with your meeting]

[Thanks baby. Love you. xj]

[You too. xxh]

[have a good day]

[go to your meeting, you loser]

[say something nice at least]

[ok, how’s this: I’ll be thinking of you and I hope something good happens to you today.]

[yeah, not bad, whatever. talk to you later]

[JIWON!]

[lol jk jk. I miss you. Have a good day baby, do something crazy]

He can’t stop smiling after that. What would Murakami write about him right now? Laying naked in bed with the sun streaming through his curtains, smiling like an idiot at his ceiling. Is this what contentment feels like?

He reads Jiwon’s last message again and scrolls through all the photos that Jiwon has sent him from Japan. He scrolls so far back that he lands on a photo of his little sister, holding her ballet trophy proudly. He hasn’t seen her in a long time, too long really, and no matter what he does, there’s no ignoring the guilt.

His self esteem is managable at best and diabolical at it’s worst. He doesn’t want to be one of those guys who constantly waxes lyrical about love but in all honesty, it really does heal a lot of things, some that he didn’t even know were broken in the first place. Jiwon’s love is no ordinary love though, it must be the extra-strength-triple-fortified-eternally-lasting kind because it gives him courage at times when he has none.

His sister is still smiling at him through his phone screen and before he really knows what he’s doing, his fingers have already hit the dial button.

“Hanbin?”

“Hi mum.”

Yeah, love might give you courage but it takes a crazy kind of courage to get involved with it in the first place.

****

He fingers the soft gray fabric of Hanbin’s hoody and tries not to feel completely underdressed in the room full of slick designer rappers. Clothes don’t mean shit. He knows that but there’s no escaping Jin’s sigh when he climbs into the car and the fact that he looks like the odd one out.

Doc McKinney was surrounded by a crowd 3 people deep. The meeting is over in an anti-climatic ten minutes. Everyone wanted to meet the famous american producer and on the hierarchy of importance, he was right at the bottom. He might be known in Seoul’s underground rap scene but here, he was just another fish in an even bigger ocean. He’s not entirely sure why Beatbox wanted him to go because Doc Mckinney doesn’t even know who he is but at least they could speak English and ended up talking about Bob Marley. That was something.

He’s standing at one of the big windows afterwards, trying to take a photo of the Tokyo skyline to send home, thinking of how much he wants to take Hanbin here one day.

“Korean?”

He turns to his left to see a tall thin man with long black hair, a straggly beard and thick glasses. He doesn’t remember meeting him but there’s something in that voice that he recognises. The stranger doesn’t even look at him, preferring just to stare out the window.

“Yes?” He replies, both curious and cautious.

“Get dressed in the dark this morning, kid?”

He looks down at his outfit and yeah, okay, he really did get dressed in the dark this morning. It doesn’t stop him from feeling defensive about Hanbin’s grey hoodie and their caramel coloured coat. Who does this guy think he is?

“Excuse me? I don’t-”

There’s a quite snort next to him. “Relax. You look fine. Stood out like a sore thumb though didn’t you? In that sea of Supreme? Couldn’t tell one guy from the other.”

“Oh, I guess?”

“What’s with all the pink? Your girlfriend dress you? ”

He smiles at his reflection in the glass window. “Yeah, something like that.”

“What company you with?”

“Beatbox.”

“Ahh, Jin. He’s been looking for his Neo all these years. I’m surprised he didn’t dress you up himself.” The guy chuckles. “Must have a lot of faith in you to bring you all the way here for a pointless trip.”

He’s just about protest when the guy turns to face him with a pensive look on his face. “They treating you alright? You gotta watch out for these big companies.”

Whatever he was about to say gets swallowed back down, his mouth opening and closing comically to the point where he gets laughed at again. He doesn’t have much of a temper but there are time where it grates on his nerves a little too much. But even then, he wasn’t raised by wolves, his mother did teach him some manners and he doesn’t want to let Hanbin down by burning any bridges.

“Yeah, things have been good so far.” He kicks himself, unsure what the protocol is when a stranger asks him about Beatbox. This was one thing that Jin hadn’t finish coaching him on. “I haven’t released anything yet though.”

There’s another laugh followed by the shake of a head. “Yeah, he’s really putting all his money and reputation on you, huh? Smart guy though. Indie company mentality with corporate company ambitions and money. Just don’t let them blindside you guys.”

He’s seen those eyes before, the watery thoughtfulness that always looks like it’s watching and reading you the entire time. And that voice…..he knows that voice. Why can’t he place it?

“Sorry, have we met?”

The guy shrugs. “Doubt it, kid. What’s your name?”

“Jiwon.”

“That your rap name?”

“No…no, it’s Bobby.”

“Of course it is.” The guy smiles but doesn’t bother to introduce himself. “How are you liking Japan?”

This entire conversation was like a car driving in and out of traffic; constantly changing lanes, veering sharp lefts and abrupt rights. He has no idea where it’s going or what the agenda is. It’s almost like talking to Hanbin.

And just like that, his focus shifts back to South Korea, where it’s sunny, and to that pokey little apartment, where there’s a sleepy neurotic writer still tangled in their sheets. His fingers come up to absentmindedly smooth over the soft fabric of his coat.

“It’s really nice. Kind of a waste to be here for business in some ways.” He laughs. “Wish the person who dressed me was here.”

“Ahhh.” The Guy says quietly, like he understands the context. Maybe he does. “Well. Work hard. Write often. Learn everything, especially when to shut up. Don’t let anybody change the part of you that makes you you. That’s always the first thing they’ll try to do. But I got a good feeling about you, kid. Put in the work and maybe next time you’re here, you can bring that girl of yours.”

He wants to correct the assumption but there’s someone calling him.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, kid. I’ll see you around.”

There’s a brief pat on his back before the Guy disappears through the sea of Supreme again.

Jin eventually catches up with him. “Who were you talking to?”

“I have no idea.” He says earnestly. He really had no idea and maybe he just hallucinated some kind of rap yoda. God, he needs either caffeine or sleep.

No such luck. Jin has him sitting through another meeting with a smaller company this time and as tired as he is, he hears the words of Rap Yoda and Hanbin echoing in his ears. He doesn’t really want to be there but he’s going to act like he does. Hanbin would probably find out if he’s slacking off and kick his ass when he gets back home.

So he turns on the charm, laying it so thick that no-one will ever forget that they met him. Jin and the team seem happy, so he guesses he’s doing something right. They eat at some barbecue joint that serves ice cold Asahi. He wants to avoid more alcohol but chicken without beer is like Jiwon without Hanbin and that just goes against the laws of the Universe.

Everywhere they walk is just another place he wants to show Hanbin one day. The tiny hedgehog cafe (with real live hedgehogs!). The waffle shop that makes dog shaped desserts. The toy store with a life sized Rilakuma at the entrance. The endless bookstores with original Murakami and scrolls of beautiful traditional brush calligraphy on the walls. The parks lined with cherry blossom trees and ivy.

He takes photos of everything and sends them all to Hanbin’s phone.

****

He feels like a stranger knocking on the dark red door and he feels like it was a lifetime ago that he used to live here. They were a happy family once, so he knows it’s possible but he doesn’t know if they will ever be like that again. Some wounds are just too deep.

But there was always his sister. She has nothing to do with all their mess and deserves some kind of normalcy. And it’s really that thought that drove him here today. Maybe his relationship with his parents will never go back to normal but at least he still has his sister.

“HANBIN!!” He hears her before he sees her and for all her ballerina’s grace, she has the tendency to crash into him at 100kph and hang off his neck like she was still 5 years old. He’s glad that hasn’t changed.

“Hey Peanut.” He smiles, half breathless by the tiny monster truck that just crashed into him. “Missed me?”

Hanbyul lets go and grimaces, her words directly contradicting her actions. “No.”

“Yeah sure.” He chuckles and flicks one of her ponytails. “Did mum tell you why I’m here?”

“She just said you were visiting.” Hanbyul says, eyes inquisitive but with a shade of melancholy that shouldn’t be natural at her age. “Are you visiting? Are they still mad at you?”

He sighs inwardly, telling himself to keep it together. When he spoke to his mother this morning, the request was simple: he just wanted to take his sister out for the day. But like everything that seems to happen in their family, a simple request can turn into a drama production.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m gonna go talk to them for a bit. I’m come get you after okay?”

She’s 9 years old now but when he leaves her standing in their hallway, she still looks like the toddler that he remembers following him around everywhere.

He doesn’t have to search very far for his parents, they’re both in the kitchen table when he walks in, his mum pouring tea (like he was some kind of guest) and his dad sitting at the table with a grave look on his face (like someone died).

“Hi. Mum…..dad….” He greets them awkwardly.

“Hanbin, come in. Sit sit.” At least his mum was trying to be kind. He feels a surge of love for her then and doesn’t know why he ever doubted her support. “Are you hungry? I know you want to go out for lunch but well, you aunt brought over some cake so here, have some cake.”

He nods absentmindedly, flashing her a small smile even though he really wasn’t in the mood for cake. He can see the strain on her face but she’s trying and so should he. “Thanks mum.”

The clock ticks too loudly as they just sit and stare at the grains of wood on the dinner table. His dad clears his throat eventually and they all hold their breath.

“So, how are you?”

Stay calm, Hanbin. You can do this.

“I’m fine, dad. How have you been?”

“Oh you know, the blood pressure is no good. Dr. Park has got me on too many medications. Something about my risk of a heart attack and decreasing my salt intake. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Part of him expected this, the overly mundane conversation, and part of him is relieved that they weren’t shouting at each other from the moment he set foot in the house.

“He’s a good doctor.” He says, trying to keep the facade going. “He doesn’t really think you’re going to have a heart attack does he?”

His dad snorts derisively. “ He’s just trying to scare me. He wants me to cut out soy sauce but this is Korea, what a ridiculous request.”

“Are you taking the medication at least?”

“Oh god, not you too.” His dad sighs loudly. “First your mother and now you? For the record, yes I am taking my medications.”

There’s a long silent pause and he knows what’s on all their minds but doesn’t know how how to start talking about it.

“How’s work?”

“We’re on holidays at the moment but it’s been great.”

“You know, there’ll always be a job at my company if you want it. It’ll be a pay rise, if you ever want to move out of that shoebox you live in.”

He frowns again, fingernails digging into his palms under the table. There will never be a time where his dad isn’t disappointed in him.

Keep it together, Hanbin. Think of Hanbyul. This isn’t about you.

“I’m fine where I am. I’m getting help with the rent now anyway.”

His words, and all its implications, hang in the air between them. They all want to talk about Jiwon so they might as well just get it over with.

“Is that still…..” His dad trails off, pausing for a beat before finishing his sentence. “How is that going?”

He hears it, the strain in his dad’s voice, the way he almost had to force the words out in some kind of neutral civil tone. That must be his mother’s influence. He knows they both really want to ask, “Is it still going?”

“It’s going great.” He says, looking at the dense chocolate cake his mum pushes towards him and avoiding any other eye contact. “He’s in Japan right now.”

“Japan? What for?”

Does he want to do this now? Start telling Jiwon’s life story to a man who might never accept them? But if not now, then when?

“For work. He’s um….he got a record deal. He’s a musician. He’s over there for some business meetings.” They can all hear the shakiness in his voice but nobody mentions it, so there was at least that.

“Oh.” His dad says. “Your mother said he worked in that garage downtown. Since when was he a musician?”

He looks up in surprise, first to his mum, who gives him an encouraging smile, then slowly to his dad, who is wearing a genuinely shocked expression.

“He’s always been one. He just got signed recently.”

There’s another long heavy pause and then all pretend to eat the cake that nobody has an appetite for.

“Did you read the contract?” His dad asks suddenly, eyes now serious and focused, like he must be in all his business meetings. “Before he signed it, did you read it?”

He almost feels like smirking, if his dad wanted to talk business, then they will talk business. It’s the one topic where they have some common ground. “Of course I did.”

“What company did he sign with?”

“Beatbox. It’s a new subsidiary of Globalkore.”

“Which law firm is representing them?”

“Lee & Ko.”

His dad hums in what he knows is approval. It gives him emotional whiplash.

“Did you have to re-negotiate any terms?”

“Only a few. We got them all. It wasn’t really that hard.”

He eats more of the cake, finally able to swallow some of it down. He can see his dad’s mouth opening with hesitation before closing again with resignation. Being good at business and law is one thing but wanting to make a career out of it is an entirely different thing. They’ve had The Family Business conversation so many times over the years. It always begins with his dad disappointed by his refusal to put that business-law degree into effect. It always ends with him storming out of the house, shouting about how art isn’t a worthless pursuit.

They’re all shocked when the conversation veers off somewhere else altogether.

“Is he pulling his weight? Helping you out? You’re not doing everything are you?”

He looks across at his dad, surprised that they were back to talking about Jiwon. It’s been some time since he’s really stopped and looked at his parents and their lives. His dad works hard at a job that carries more high stakes and stress than one person should be mentally permitted to. He’s not perfect, he’s hurt everyone in the family with his blunt words and careless actions but right now, there’s just a weary father with too many deeps lines on his face, worried about blood pressure tablets and his son’s future.

Something melts inside him. It’s not forgiveness, not even close, but it’s a small step in the right direction.

“Yeah dad, he’s helping out.”

There’s a crash outside the kitchen that makes them all jump. Hanbyul’s ponytails swing into view, along with the pot plant she tripped over. Their mum is up in a flash, sighing and gently scolding as she dusts the soil off Hanbyul’s jeans and leads her off into the bathroom to wash her hands.

“That’s your cue to go.” His dad says, getting up to help with the cleaning. “Have her back before dinner.”

He’s nodding and is just about to bend down to help when his dad waves him away. “No, I’ll take care of this. Go entertain her, she’s been bored of us for weeks now.”

“Okay. Um, thanks dad.” He says, feeling every bit like a child again.

“We haven’t told her anything about your….situation. If you insist on going through with all that, just think about what you say and who might end up hearing about it, not just for your sake but for everyone else’s too.”

Part of him wants to automatically snap back. Of course he knows all this. Of course he’ll be cautious. But he keeps his mouth shut and just nods again. It’s longest conversation they’ve probably had in 6 months that didn’t end in a some kind of argument or shouting match. It’s unsettling and foreign and he’s almost forgotten how to deal with it but sometimes you have to take a few hits in order to win the war.

“Come on Hanbin! I want to go to the pet store!” Hanbyul is tugging at his sleeve impatiently and he only has a brief moment with this mum on the way out.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

“For what?” She smiles mysteriously.

He pulls out of the driveway feeling off-balanced in a good way (if there was such a thing). There are more questions than answers and he still doesn’t know where his dad stands on the topic of Jiwon but at least they were all talking and his sister seems to be doing okay. So for now, that’s enough.

****

“What were you talking about with mum and dad?” Hanbyul asks over lunch. “Why did you look so serious?”

“They’re just worried about my life. That’s what parents do.” He says with a smile. She is even more inquisitive than he ever was at this age. “They’ll worry about you too, when you decide to grow up.”

She scowls at him with the fury only a 9 year old girl can generate. “I’m not a baby!”

He reaches over to pull her hair away from her face so it doesn’t get stuck in her food. “Nah, you’re always gonna be a baby peanut. Better get used to it.”

Hanbyul glowers a few more times before suddenly deciding that it just wasn’t worth the energy to get upset. Kids these days.

“So they’re not mad anymore?”

“I think mum’s okay. Dad’s just tired, you know. I don’t think they’re as mad as they were before, there’s just some adult things we need to figure out right now.” He kicks himself immediately as soon as he gets the words out because his sister pounces on them without missing a beat.

“Like what? What things?”

He sighs. He is never going to come out of this conversation alive. His sister had concentrated Kim genes- all the tenacious charm of their mum mixed with all the cunning intelligence of their dad. It’s a potent combination in a tiny 9 yo human.

“Like my job and my apartment. Stuff like that. It’s boring. You don’t want to hear about it.”

She wipes her mouth daintily and stares lasers at him. “Do you have a girlfriend that’s a boy?”

He’s so taken aback that he can only laugh. “What?! Where did you hear that?”

“My friend Mina said that her brother has a girlfriend that’s a boy because some people have girlfriends who are girls and some people have girlfriends who are boys. So do you have a girlfriend that’s a boy?”

Kids these days.

“That is the weirdest question.” He says, shaking his head. “You know that having a girlfriend whose a boy is just like having a boyfriend right? It’s the same thing. Some people like boys and some people like girls and some people like both.”

He kicks himself again. His parents will kill him for introducing their innocent daughter to the idea of bisexuality. He might as well start digging his own grave now.

“I know that Hanbin!” Hanbyul says, rolling her eyes condescendingly. She’s just a baby, when did she learn to roll her eyes? And where the hell did she learn about bisexual dating?!

“How do you know? Who told you that?”

“Mina’s brother picks her up from ballet and sometimes there’s a boy and sometimes there’s a girl with him. And Miss Lee said that some of the famous ballet dancers are like that and it doesn’t make them bad or weird. Oh! Do you know Tiler, Hanbin? She’s my favourite dancer! Mum let me watch her videos on Youtube, she’s the best.”

He just shakes his head. This whole time, he was agonising over how to explain to his sister that he was gay and in 10 minutes, she’s already explained the concept back to him.

“No, I haven’t heard of her. You need to show me one day.” He reaches across to tuck more wayward strands of hair away from her face. “Does it bother you that some of your favourite dancers like boys or girls?”

Hanbyul shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s weird sometimes.”

He knew it wasn’t going to be all smooth sailing. Maybe his sister understands that more than one type of couple exists but beyond that is harder to come to terms with.

“Why’s it weird?”

“Because it’s weird!” She says, exasperated by her 9 yo brain’s inability to articulate its own thoughts.

“What if it was me? Would you think it’s weird?”

She looks at him with wide eyes for a moment but slowly shakes her head. “I don’t think you’re weird.”

“Well, good. You shouldn’t hate people or tease them because of who they like, okay? You wouldn’t want someone hating you for liking ballet and Tiler right?”

She’s nodding her head but too fixated on her food and chopsticks so he doesn’t really know how much sinks in but this is enough for one day. There’s no point ruining their day together with social politics, there’ll be plenty of time for that when she’s older.

****

Jin finally releases him at 5:30pm.

He goes straight to the hotel room and falls face first onto the bed. There’s the temptation to just crawl under the sheet and sleep but he knows it’ll mean waking up in the middle of the night because he’s missed dinner.

Hanbin hasn’t replied to any of his photo messages, which makes him irrationally worried even though he knows there’s probably a good reason for it.

To distract himself, he decides to check out the rooftop pool in the hotel. It’s dinner time for most guest and he’s relieved to find the 25 metre pool empty. It’s an indoor pool but encased by glass windows so you can see everything outside, including the evening sky.

After attempts at some hard and fast laps, he’s too exhausted to do much more than just float on his back and stare out the glass ceiling. The sky was violet, it reminds him of the colour of the sky on his birthday. It wasn’t the first birthday he’s had with a boyfriend but it was the first birthday where he was given a gift that meant something.

He still can’t get over the mixtapes. Nobody has ever made him anything like that before. Teenage confession letters were one thing but four mixtapes with handwritten tracklists were another thing altogether. 1 hour per tape equals four hours of music and probably days or weeks of thoughts and consideration on Hanbin’s part. That’s his favourite present. It wasn’t so much about the tapes themselves or the songs on them, it was really the knowledge that Hanbin sat down and put so much effort into something just for his birthday. It hits him in the gut when he thinks about it and lyrics start forming in his head as he floats in the warm water.

Locked with your thoughts I’m swimming With u right here I’m swimming With no-one else I’m swimming Wanna be with u

He eats dinner with the windows wide open so he can stare at the glittering night lights of Tokyo and listen to the ‘Before Sunset’ tape at the same time. The sky was dark indigo now and even though Hanbin was still not replying, he sends a photo of the night skyline anyway.

He recognises the song through his headphones, it’s something he remembers hearing somewhere before. Maybe when he was younger, when his family was still in America and they had long hot summers down the West Coast with the radio playing in the car. He lets the nostalgia wash over him, wondering how the hell Hanbin managed to find a song that incapsulated his childhood without even being there.

He’s playing with the little cardboard insert in the cassette case when he sees something written on the inside of the spine.

“I’m not good with words, so I’m using this to tell you instead.”

He wants to laugh because he’s read Hanbin’s articles and knows a talent when he sees one but on the other hand, Hanbin has always had trouble saying what he means and meaning what he says. Some people are better writing words and some are better verbalising them. Hanbin is the former and he himself is definitely the latter.

And right on cue, as if Hanbin heard his thoughts, there’s a message that buzzes on his phone.

[Hey sorry, had a big day. How did it go over there?!]

[Gonna look at all the photos in bed later]

[its was ok, we got along but it was only a quick 10 min thing. Hallucinated a Rap Yoda tho]

[what?]

[was takng a photo to show u and this dude just starts talkn to me like yoda in the sw movies]

[who was he?]

[IDK! super weird]

[That is weird. How’s the headache, feeling better?]

[yeah its fine. how was ur day? do anythng crazy?]

[Actually….yes]

[omg what]

[Talked to my dad]

He stares at the words for a full 5 seconds before attempting to think of a reply. With his chest thumping, he dials Hanbin’s number instead.

“Hey.”

“Don’t ‘hey’ me! What happened?!” He nearly shouts down the line.

“Tell me about your day first?”

“Fuck no. Yours is more important!”

“Jiwon….” Hanbin was using his Responsible Adult Voice.

“Hanbin….” He echoes in his own serious voice.

There’s a sigh from the other end. “Okay, fine. Well, I was in a good mood this morning so I rang mum to ask her if I could take Hanbyul out for lunch and she said I had to come over and talk to dad about it because they probably think I’m going to introduce her to being gay or something. Anyway, I went over and we talked and nobody punched anyone in the face. So it was a pretty good day.”

There’s a pause then but Hanbin stays silent.

“And then what?” He asks impatiently. “Did he say anything about us? Or me?”

“He offered me a job again but mostly he wanted to know about your contract with Beatbox. He was worried about us not reading fine print and signing a dodgy deal. It’s a business school thing.” Hanbin says, almost distractedly.

“Babe?”

“Yeah?”

“You told him about my contract?”

There’s a quiet intake of air before Hanbin speaks again. “Shit. Did you not want me to? I’m sorry Jiwon! I just thought that-”

“No, it’s fine! I don’t care that you told him. It’s just, why would he be interested in that? Last time you all talked, there was shouting and they stormed out.”

“Yeah I know.” Hanbin says wearily. “I think mum got to him. Wore him down as usual. I didn’t ask her to do that but I think she did it anyway.”

“So, are they just okay with us now?”

His heart jumps with hope but he’s been in these situations before, with equally homophobic parents, and he knows that false hope is the cruelest of them all.

“I wouldn’t go that far. I don’t know what my dad thinks. They’re both trying and that’s all I can honestly say right now.” Hanbin finishes earnestly. “Hanbyul seems okay though, thank God. At least they haven’t messed her up too badly yet.”

“Oh yeah? That’s good. I want to meet her one day.”

“I know. I want you to meet her too but….”

“…just not right now. It’s fine Hanbin. Don’t stress about it, it’ll happen when it happens.”

Hanbin hums a vague response and there’s another pause.

“So tell me about your day?”

He sits in the chair facing the big window and watches all the lights flicker over the city in the distance. Hanbin doesn’t even interrupt him, he’s known for awhile that Hanbin finds his voice soothing and he wonders if he was ever read to as a child.

He’s half way through describing the hedgehog cafe when his body gives up being in an upright position.

“Sorry babe, I need to get into bed, gonna crash soon.”

“It’s okay, me too. My chest is killing me. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“I’m coming back tomorrow.” He says with a tired laugh. “Why’s your chest killing you?”

“It’s nothing.” Hanbin says quickly. “I’ll let you go. Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow? Your flight lands at 4pm right?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you.”

“Okay. You want me to hang up first?”

“Yeah.” He laughs quietly. “Night baby, love you.”

“I…..me too.” Hanbin says, only slightly tripping over the words. “See you tomorrow.”

His eyes are already half closed by the time he gets in bed but he doesn’t sleep straight away, instead he scribbles all the bits of lyrics that seem to flood his head all the sudden. He dreams of swimming pools, dimple smiles, violet skies and mixtapes. He can’t think of a title, that’ll just have to wait till morning.

****

He hangs up first because Jiwon still can’t do that for some reason. His chest is aching but there’s something about the pain mixed with everything good that happened today that makes him itch to write it all down. His laptop glows into life but the words don’t look right on the sterile whiteness of the computer screen. Instead, he opens up the playlist he made for Jiwon and reaches for the notebook he jammed under the mattress all those months ago.

It’s cold and smooth underneath his finger tips, the paper old and slightly yellowing with age. His favourite black pen still glides over it just like it used to. This feels better. It feels familiar.

So he writes.

Cloudy With A Chance: Chapter 0....

****

Soundtrack: Tiny Dancer -Elton John | Your Song -Lady Gaga (cover)

#if you got the swimming pool reference....i am VERY proud of you haha #Cloudy With A Chance #please play the music #Tiny Dancer is for two people #i always intended it to be for Jiwon but then it fit for her too haha #that Tiny Dancer video is amazing btw-it's very LA MOOD #a bit of a vague gifset but otherwise it'd be too spoilery #Double B #ikon #hanbin #jiwon #bobby #cwac

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jinnielovebot · 7 years ago

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soft bias tag! ♡

tagged by @bangs-chan @bangchans @seungminty THANK U I LOVE U

ok for real this tag was actually rlly fun to do :’)))

tagging: @jeongin @himeaegyo @hanjisunng @reosian @3rxcha @doublekn0t @felixeslee @jiisung henlo pls ignore if u have alrdy done this love u btw

DISCLAIMER: i get rlly mushy in this because every hour is softjin hour ;(

who is your bias?

kim seungmin hwang hyunjin!

what made you notice them?

ajsdjahdg his voice!! tbh his voice was actually the reason i got into sk in the first place ahahjsd LMAO can u believe i havent swerved for the last 8 months DAMN im loyal anyways im rlly particular when it comes to rapper n their voices n hyunjins rap part in hellevator just,,,fit in so seamlessly,,,and it just sounded so smooth n perfect nd you bet your sweet arse i did a Phat double take when his part came on in the song

what’s your favorite thing about them?

u want me to pick just one?????????

OKAY LIKE i think my absolute favorite thing abt him that made me LOVE him is like how hardworking he is like duirng the show when jyp criticized him a lot :((((( he still worked super hard even if he was a lil bit discouraged but in the end he!! did!! That!!!!! nd like i love that quality of him and i honestly look up to it like being able to work super hard n want to improve even after lots of criticism is so hard for me but watching him b so motivated n determined just makes me ;;____;; and wow he just alwys wants to learn!! and improve!! wow i m in love with him

OTHER THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HIM include how cute n cuddly he is like,,,,always clinging onto everyone else like how do u not love that and i also love the way he smiles and laughs like my god u thought the sun was bright?? well then u havent seen his smile ://// i love the way his eyes just kinda scrunch up when he laughs and its the Cutest thing EVER and every time he smiles or does his little scrunch thing i rlly. RLLY. just wanna kiss him but u didnt hear that from me ;u;

who would initiate skinship more?

probably him bc im shy af asjdkas and i can imagine just walking beside him when he randomly just takes my hand or swings his lanky af arm around me

who would hog blankets more?

ME bc im needy and i get cold easily :’D

who would be more clingy?

he wld be more physically clingy but i think i wld be more mentally clingy bc i get sad when im apart from people

who would say ‘i love you’ first?

i think he’d say it first just bc he doesnt seem like he gives any craps LMAO n would just go for it asjkdah i’d be way too shy to say anything first

who would be more easily flustered?

me bc i could just look at him and then get flustered let alone talk to him n be near him

what cuddling position would you two have?

he’d be the big spoon because have u seen how tall he is and then i’d be the little spoon because have u seen how small i am LMAOO but sometimes i would wanna face him so i can like throw my leg over him like a pillow if u know what i mean

which colors remind you of them and why?

peach and warm pink!! bc he’s a peach :(((( but i think its bc when i think of him i literally think of the sun and jus t how bright he is

which season would you like to spend with them?

winter!! bc imagine cuddling under blankets and watching movies and eating snacks in the dark w him while we wait for it to be midnight on christmas eve :( and also its sweater weather so him!! wearing hoodies!! all the time!!

i would luv spending summer with him too tho bc imagine all the late night dates we could go on since it doesnt get cold (in cali at least) at night nd spending all day doing dum stuff like the dum lovers we are :(((

who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

LMAO GOOD ONE you can bet u will see us at the store buying premade cookies bc we dont got the time nor the skills to be baking

which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

honestly both of us would make bad puns it would just depend on the day and the other would react like “i suddenly am single” every time

who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

both of us bc we lov kkami and want more friends for kkami :’((

which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

this is a trick question bc both of us would burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a pop tart

who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back?

fun fact i’m deathly afraid of heights so he would probably be the one leaning over the railings and then i’m pulling him back telling him how one day he’s gonna fall over n how he should give me all his stuff when he writes his will

what would watching a horror film with them be like?

id be under the blanket and covering my eyes for dear LIFE while hes laughing and tryna pry my hands away from my eyes AND HE’D PROBABLY TRY TO PRANK/SCARE ME LATER AFTER THE MOVIE ASKDJHAHSDKJ

who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

im the cheesy flirt bc i barely know how to flirt at all meanwhile

him: is doing nothing at all

me: god can u stop flirting with me already

who is more competitive?

IM SO COMPETITIVE AHSKJD im the type of person that says “wait best out of 3″ LMFAO so i can imagine us making a bet over smthn and then the loser has to pay for food and ill get petty and ask for a best out of 3 match LOL

who would have to be given constant reminders? (remember to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc)

also me bc i get distracted super easily and i forget to eat and sleep literally every day

who sends memes and who sends cute ‘i miss you’ texts at 3AM?

he sends the i miss you texts n then i respond in reaction memes

him: i miss you

me:

#tagged #tag game #THIS WAS RLLY CUTE LIKE ASDKHAKSD #I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THIS TAG ;;;;;#ugh take a shot every time i say lMAO #my vocabulary is literally equivalent to that of a pigeon #ppl i tagged i wanna see u guys get soft #open up them soft hours bc we all about unconditional love and support around here #except for mr lee know he can stop hurting me thank u

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criminallyvenomous · 7 years ago

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JJP Being SK’s Parents AU - Pt. 1

//wowie, long title much? anyway, someone said that they needed a jjp being stray kids parents so here you go lol, i don't personally ship jjp, i'm more of a 2jae, markjin girl myself, but tada. obv jjp can't be all of the boys' parents, so read to find out who. this story takes place in the future (so like jjp have time to adopt kids and stuff so like 2025is, but sk have the same ages//

This is part one, which will consist or random stuff and Jaebeom meeting one of his son’s bfs lol, I will try to make different parts and different story lines like the showcase, them debuting, how JJP adopted certain boys. If you want something specific, request!

"Finally, sleep!" He closed the door behind him, taking off his shoes and replacing them with slippers. "Its four in the morning Chris! I was so worried." "Calm down Mom, I was at the studio not a pub." The boy, Chris said to his "mother", who was actually just one of his fathers that insisted on being called Mom. "Jinyoung? Who's at the door?" "Please don't say anything. Dad won't let me do the showcase for JYP if he finds out that I'm still coming home late." Chris pleaded, remembering a very harsh conversation with Jaebeom about safety, strangers, and the dangers of night time. "You're lucky I woke up first." Jinyoung whispered. "Who is it?" The father persisted. "I think it was the post or something, no one's here." Jinyoung lied and silently shoo'd off his son to bed. ~ "So how long until the big showcase?" Jaebeom asks his son, who had just entered the kitchen, jumping to sit on top of a bar stool, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket. (Which was meticulously placed by Jinyoung last week, he saw it at the local emart and 'had to have it'.) Taking a bite into his apple, he responds, "Three days, the boys are really nervous. I just wish there was something I could do to help ease their nerves." "I understand, back when Got7 debuted, I as the leader fel-" "Not another 'I was once an idol too' talk. Come on, Dad. Don't you think we've heard all your stories by now?" The youngest of the family sighed as he walked into the room. He changed his voice to sound like his father whilst mocking. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed the milk. "Hey! I still am an idol, young man." "You sure? I don't think having comebacks every other year for anniversaries count." A new voice announced. "Felix!" They screamed in unison. The boy tended to say whatever he wanted in the morning. Probably got that from his mother, speaking of which- "Where's Mom?" Jeongin asked, taking a sip from the carton of milk residing in his right hand. "Out shopping, and you should be glad because he would not be too keen of you getting your germs all over the carton." "We know, we know. Bam traumatized him once by sneezing into the milk and putting it back." Felix laughed at the memory and Jeongin shuddered at the thought. "Why're you up Felix? Practice doesn't start until two and you're normally not awake until three." Chris asked his fellow Austrailian brother, who had a habit of always being late, to literally everything. He probably would’ve even been late to his own birth, if possible. "Actually, practice is cancelled, Chaeryoung and her friends took the dance room last minute. Which left time for me and Changbin hyung to go out on a proper date." Felix smiled, thinking of the dark(soft) boy he called his, making Jeongin pretend vomit and Chris rather upset as the showcase was in three days and they needed as much practice as they could get. "A proper date? At nine in the morning? I ought to meet this boy." "I don't know about that, he's a little scared of you and Mom." Felix commented, stealing his older brother's apple to eat himself, earning a 'hey!'. "Changbin hyung? Scared? Those two words should never be in the same sentence, unless the sentence is 'I'm scared of Changbin hyung', just saying." Jeongin takes another sip. "What is this guy? Satan's step cousin?" Jaebeom asked jokingly as the door opens. "Why don't you ask him yourself? I ran into Mr. Seo as I was bringing the groceries in. He said he's here for Felix." Jinyoung answers, placing the small bag on the counter and watching as Jaebeom made his way to the new person in his home. "Oh, God." Felix mumbled in English, brushing his hair with his fingers so he looked alright before making his way to follow his father. Jeongin, Chris, and Jinyoung made their way over to watch whatever's about to go down. Jinyoung went to ask his youngest son about Changbin when he found a carton of milk in the boy's hand. "That better be for pouring into a glass, young man." Jinyoung whispered into Jeongin's ear who gulped and nodded. "Nice to meet you, Sir. I'm a big fan." Changbin bowed. "Call me Jaebeom. I heard you and Felix have plans today." "Yes we do, Jae-Jaebeom." "Hmmm, it doesn't sound right coming from you, stick with Sir." "Stop torturing him, Dad! Hyung, hold on for a minute, I'll get dressed real quick. Chris hyung, talk to him." Felix pouts. "What? I'm just having a little fun." Jaebeom laughs and nudges his son's boyfriend. "Hey fam, you practicing?" Chris says, approaching him and giving the other a bro-hug after 'fam'. "Yes, I practiced. Geez, hyung, relax a bit. We'll do fine." Changbin replied as JB went to join his husband and other kids. "Let's take a vote, who likes him?" Jaebeom spoke quietly to the others. He was joking, but Jinyoung replied seriously. "Let's not do that. He's Felix's first boyfriend in Korea, this is big." Jinyoung eased. Sometimes he was an asshole (ie; to Yugyeom his whole life), but he was a good mom. After a bit of awkward silence, Felix came out of his room. "You're going out like that?" Jaebeom asked, approaching his middle child, who was never really treated like a middle child, due to his rather obvious attention seeking habits, that he probably learned from Jackson babysitting one-too-many times. "Like what?" "Your knees are exposed! It's cold outside and-" "Bye guys, We're leaving." Felix grabbed Changbin's hand and pulled him out of the home, he followed after quickly bowing to the Im/Pak family.

The other boys will be introduced at a later time.

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mydarlingfelix · 7 years ago

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Get to know me tag(s)!

Tagged by: @hyunjinh @felox-the-great @jaeffreyy @squishywoojin @welcometochanskitchen @dabkingfelix @mosquitofelix

Hi! I’m Summer btw (Ik it’s not in my bio), but I just go by Sum or other nicknames lol *I also just put multiple “get to know me” tags in 1 lol THIS IS A SUPER LONG POST IM SORRY However thank you for tagging me!! I Love you all soOoOo much!

Bold Thingy Tag

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better

I think everyone done this already fkjdjgb

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo -I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair (idk it’s growing) - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month (Lucy wanted to be drawn for her bday and I did a watercolor portrait thing ig? for her) - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority- I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol- I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event- I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling (I have like 5)- I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity (?) - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship (not a healthy one at least)- I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily (It’s disgusting, wtf is wrong with me. I don’t need feels) - I have had a crush for over a year (Umm kinda he’s just really really cute. I talked to Dain about this before) - I have been in a relationship for over a year (but not currently) - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year

Alphabet Soup Tag

A: Age - “I’m 19, you fight me?” B: Birthplace - Cali C: Current time - As I’m during this 1:26pm D: Drink you had last - Water, but also Thai Tea Boba E: Easiest person to talk to - F: Favorite song - None G: Grossest memory - My cousin’s and I were doing a auntie and niece day and went theMall and I saw this girl throw up on the second floor in Forever 21. I felt sorry for the workers... H: Hogwarts house - G I: in love? - nah, never gonna happen J: Jealous of people? - It’s only a human aspect, you’re only truly horrible if you do something nasty to others because of that feeling K: Killed someone? - Not yet lmfao L: Love at first sight or should I walk by again? - No thank you M: Middle name - Summer N: Number of siblings - 5 O: One wish - None P: Person you called last - My mom Q: Question you are always asked - Idk tbvh R: Reason to smile - Idk things make me happy S: Song you sang last - The Unit No way (I dont remember the unit colors) T: Time you woke up - 6:43am U: Underwear color - White V: Vacation destination - South Korea, Japan, & idk the other one, but honestly my goal is to visit all my mutuals before I died lmfaooo W: Worst habit - Not caring, sleeping in, getting distracted easily, being anixious all the time. X: X-rays - Teeth Y: Your favorite food - I have a lot... Z: Zodiac sign - Gemini

🥛 Colour(s) I’m currently wearing: Black... Just a lot of black (I need to stop wearing sm black omg) 🍥 Last band t-shirt I bought: I don’t ever buy clothes for myself, idk when was last time? Maybe during the Got7 concert? 🥛 Last band I saw live: Got7 (Fly In LA: Day 1) and Paradise (A Hmong Band) 🍥 Last song I listened to: Rn I’m listening to The Unit’s Cherry on Top 🥛 Lipstick or chapstick: Idk... I wear lip tints. 🍥 Last movie I watched: Ever Wonder? (idk it’s a true story about the creation of wonder women) 🥛 Last 3 TV shows I watched: Wanna One Go, Wanna One x Aimgo TV, and The Unit 🍥 Last 3 characters I identified with: Kora, Steven Universe, & Ken Kaneki (idk for this part, I never thought about this fkdfdkgd) 🥛 Book I’m currently reading: Books for my classes njfdkjd

What’s my name? (Imma just put my initials)

M. S. L.

What’s my nickname?

Sum, SumSum, SumShine, Summahh Girl, Tsumdere, Chee,

How old am I?

“I’m 19, you fight me?”

What got me into Kpop?

SJ- Sorry Sorry, but Got7 made me offically stay and learning everything about the kpop fandom

What’s my favourite Kpop group?

Rn W1 (the most)

Who’s my ultimate bias?

Park Jihoon

What groups/artists do I stan?

Too many to count, you all can ask my personally if you want lol

What groups/artists do I casually listen to?

A lot, I try to be diverse, but what’s good music is good music to me. Feel free to suggest me some :D

What artists do I listen to that aren’t Kpop?

Ahh I’m lazy, but just good sounding music. Calvin Harris just popped up in my head. fknfkjskfnj

Who’s my bias and bias wrecker from my ultimate group(s)?

Omfg

Wanna One: Park Jihoon & Kang Daniel

JBJ: Kim Donghan & ??? (They’re all messing me up rn)

SK: Felix & I think Hyunjin? Idk

What’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum?

It’s recently been Chungha’s roller coaster lol and The Unit songs

What are your favourite flower/tree/plant (all 3 or whatever you have an answer to)?

I really love plants and flowers in general, however Peonies are one of my many faves!!

Favourite colour(s)?

Pink, blue, purple, black, white, and gray

What do you always doodle (if you ever do)?

Umm yeah I always doodling, but I try not to because I want to be able to focus in class haha.

How do you take your coffee/tea? If you don’t like those what’s your fav warm drink?

It probably like 20% coffee and 80% french vanilla cream nfksjfgsbjg sometimes I add a lil milk too

Favourite candle scent?

Anything flowery, but i really like sweet pea smell lol. I don’t any candles yet, so I don’t quite know which I like more yet. Soorrryy

Sunrise or Sunset?

Sunset! The colors are soo pretty and like it doesn’t require me to wake up from my sleep lmfao. The transitions of day and night it just so beautiful! and the stars that start peeking through the dark sky!

What perfume do you wear if any?

I don’t wear perfume? I have them at home but in my opinion I feel like if you’ve showered and smell nice why try to mix more scents onto you?? and I don’t really need it? DONT WORRY I AM CLEAN NFJSNJF idk if I make any sense

What’s your go to dance move when you’re alone?

Favourite quote?

“The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to.” ― Carl Sandburg

& “We ran as if to meet the moon.” ― Robert Frost

& also

“The moon and stars just for you my love” - Me lol

Favourite self care thing(s) or routine(s)?

Umm... Drawing. Showering and putting a face mask afterwards. Painting my nails. It’s more like small things, especially like painting my nails and drawings are things I can’t do often because I try to focus on school, because ik I’m bad at focusing. Sleeping and reminding to just eat, when I get too busy and focused I tend to skip meals. njfkdsnfj s

Fuzzy socks or House slippers?

OMFG BOTH THAT’S LIKE THE BEST COMBO! I have these pinky and purple house slippers I got aND IT’S FUZZY KSFJ SK IT’S SOOO CUTE OMG!! I love. nfjdnfd

What colour are your eyes?

Dark Brown

What’s your favourite eye colour on others?

Hazel, black, and gray

Favourite season? why?

Autumn and Winter (Ik contradicts with my name) but I love the rain! and cloudy weather! The sound of rain is calming and being inside while hearing the rain is nice. I really love Spring too when the flowers begin to bloom and like it’s a fresh type of feeling when spring hits lol.

Cheek, neck or nose kisses?

SJFNKFS Honestly depends on my mood (´•/// ω \\\•`) but I like cheek kisses because softtt

What does your happy place look like?

My room on a rainy day with my fairy lights flickering

Favourite breed of dog?

YO OKAY SO I SAW THIS FB POST ABOUT THIS DOG BEAR AND I WANT A DOG BEAR IDK WHAT THEY’RE CALLED JKFDFHKSF. My dad is a dog breeder as a side business, so I grew up with pitbulls, pocket pits, american bull dogs, frenches, and now ‘exotics’ are the trend atm.

Do you ever want to be married? If so what colours would you pick for your wedding theme?

Umm yes and no? I’m not sure. If I have an American wedding I like to stick to a traditional white with maybe a peach and light pink here and there, but for sure I would love to do a traditional Hmong wedding.

Silk or Lace?

Silk feels nice, but I like lace too :)

Favorite weather?

SF type of weather

#tag game // done #get to know me tag #omfg i have sm tags to do jfdkgf dkg #this has been long over due #nbfjdkbgfjd #sorry

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strmgrl-blog · 7 years ago

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my name’s saturn & this is my meme shop ! aaaaah no, really though bonjour angels ! for a lil introduction for myself let me just get this out of the way GIFJDKL uhhh i love aoa, day6 & sm artists ( like .. all of them Help ). a traumatized bitch who loves suffering so i project onto my muses to Cope ! GIAUDFJKL god gdfroijmkl sorry ummm i love star wars & video games ? catch me throwing an ow comp match & feeding in fortnite ! i love the moon, she’s the only thing that keeps me alive. i don’t have a mitochondria, i have lunar force. i have one (1) indoor cat who i birthed & LITERALLY 4 STRAY CATS who appeared from the mist. i run a ratchet vet service from my front porch & it’s free, i should be named human of the year honestly, truly. more on this mess of a muse, hyeon, who ( btw ) is literally my everything ? i’ve had her for quite a long time & lost motivation to write her so i’m changing some shit up to see how it goes & this is the product ! i hope you all enjoy reading this EXTREMELY long intro ( bc it will be very long im so sorry ) & befriend both myself as well as hyeon. & if you’re feelin’ a little extra, like this to plot ! i have a few ideas in mind but they’re all worth brainstorming over bc they’re SHIT. anyway, i love u all so much already ? genuinely a kind community i’m nut & WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, here’s hyeon ~ ♥（ﾉ´∀`）

warning ! trigger warnings ahead possibly including ꞉ child prostitution, drug abuse, child abuse, mental abuse, sexual assault, depression, suicidal thoughts + other mental illness, murder, & probably a fuckton more. read with caution, please.

⌠ BACKGROUND ⌡

so starting with her parents, where all stories begin, let’s just preface by saying these were awful people. they ran in similar circles during school, a very bad one at that, & fell in love after sharing a joint. in their high daze they saw what their mind was conjuring but not the truth about one another. but for them, it had been enough. thus, their story began. it was a very rocky road but they managed to stay together regardless. the bond they had created blossomed as they partook in illegal activities such as petty theft, vandalism, & it slowly evolved into larger problems.

after hyeon’s mother, named jung eunbi, stole from her parents for the last time she was kicked out into the street with her boyfriend ( who had also been kicked out ) with no place to go. both dropped out of high school as it wasn’t their “””scene””” & took to the dirty streets of busan trying to turn tricks. they’d do anything they could to get some money to feed their addictions. in the midst of their scrambling for what they deemed as important, they never thought to buy protection. so one fateful night after a good steal, they made love on a dingy couch high as a kite & eunbi got pregnant.

she hid the pregnancy for as long as she could from her boyfriend, he only noticed when there was a rather apparent bump under her baggy clothing. with the weight of the realization they might have to force themselves to become a real family, the couple got hitched & attempted to find real jobs. in some miracle, they managed to find a house to live in & eventually “raise” their child in.

hyeon was born on the 8th of june, on a dark morning with clouds hanging ove the sky & rain starting to pour. she was premature as her mother did drugs during the pregnancy ( which was really no shocker ) & almost was pronounced a still born before they heard the tiny being crying & gasping for air. her parents had assumed that once she was born, they’d feel that parental love that everyone claimed to have but it never came. they stayed in the hospital a total of two days & hardly let their newborn get the help she needed before they hauled ass out of there.

the first 3 years of hyeon’s life were better than expected, her parents at least tried to take care of her but once she was able to do everything on her own they left her be to pursue their own happiness. honestly think of matilda but a lot more severe ok

she would often get locked in a closet while there were parties held & her parents were too strung out to remember their child. she could spend days in there before she was released. this was only the beginning.

at 8 years old, her father lost his job ( her mother stayed at home ) due to a random drug test & he of course failed. this triggered her parents to panic as they no longer could supply themselves with their so desired highs. so after a night of scheming, they came up with a plan so sinister not even the devil himself would agree.

random men & women began to arrive to their dingy home as hyeon would be ushered into quiet rooms with them where they would pay to do whatever they pleased with the young girl. this went on for 2 years before hyeon was pulled into the principals office at school with questions about where those bruises on her came from. her mom was picked up for possession & this prompted the police to raid their home to find many illegal substances throughout the place as well as evidence of abuse towards the child.

soon after her parents were placed in prison, hyeon was shipped off to seoul to the biggest orphanage in the country. there she stayed for 4 more years. the time there was quiet, nobody asked her about where she came from & she never spoke about it. in truth, she never knew how to as she was a blank mind essentially.

luckily when she was 15, after a long & strenuous search, hyeon’s grandparents found her & adopted her into their home in daegu. they were absolutely appalled at this shell of a girl, but could only blame her trauma on their own children. it was here that hyeon was loved for the first time in her life ( & possibly the only time ) & taught how to feel something besids fear. she was still horribly inept at processing emotions or showing them.

two years spent with them & one night as hyeon & her grandfather were sat at the family piano, playing & singing a song as her grandmother recorded them in secret. that same video was sent to an entertainment company without hyeon’s knowledge but was thoroughly surprised & equally as excited when she was recruited. only a measly year in training with her 2 group members before they debuted & they were suddenly the biggest gg in sk.

the group debuted under the name of PTL, hyeon’s stagename was now Tink as she accompanied her members in the ride of a lifetime. they were extremely popular with their girl crush yet enticing vocals with miss tink as the main vocalist & maknae. even so successful as to have a world tour ! the group had their differences, hyeon being the medium for them as the other girls were rather opposing forces. often she was put in the middle of their arguing only to run away when conflict came up. during this time she would write & compose her own songs, bringing a heavy soul feeling to the group with her powerhouse vocals.

with all this being said ( which was a LOT ), there is still more. a year after debut while the group was climbing in popularity, hyeon began receiving texts from an unknown number. she soon found out that the people behind the mask were her parents, somehow having managed to be released from prison & found their new mission in life was to harass their daughter. on an october night, after an argument went down within the dorms between hyeon’s two members, the youngest set out by herself to meet those who hurt her for dinner.

as expected, it went horribly. at this point in her life, she was extremely impressionable, & witnessed how her eonnie handled things which was with a liquor bottle in hand. so, like an idiot, she went to a club by herself to get fucked up. while sitting at the bar, a random man drugged her drink & took hyeon home with him. the night was a blur but when the young woman woke up she felt familiar bruises & a blanket of rage took over. the man was still passed out next to her.

so as she slipped out of his bed & found the nearest blunt object, hyeon managed to bash his skull in. she blacked out after that only to come to with clean hands & far away from the corpse. this was the reactant to lead her to go blind in rage & come to with blood on her hands. soon enough, she took a liking to the feeling & became two people within one while somehow managing to remain anonymous as a killer ran rampant.

earlier this year, after too much shit going on within the group, ptl disbanded & all went their own ways. which hyeon appreciated. the people she had once called her sisters had become like strangers & only cared about themselves, didn’t have the time to look after their maknae.

to say that her already pre - existing depression & anxiety sky rocketed would be an understatement. she left music for a while, deciding to stream on twitch & youtube as a gamer. it made her happy for a short time but has been planning on returning to music with hints of a solo debut soon that has fans excited.

edit: i forgot to put this in here originally IGJFDKL but she moved to jeju after her group disbanded for a new start. plus, her address somehow got leaked so she uprooted all her shit & left for the secluded island.

⌠ OTHER TIDBITS ⌡

stands at 5′7″, 168 pounds ( considered plus size tbh. one day i’ll put picture references LMAO ), with curly, thick hair & freckles from hell.

can speak english, japanese, chinese, & italian. has a slight british accent from who she learned english from was from the UK.

has a rottweiler puppy named chewie, a hedgehog named leia, & two cats named opal & hazel.

voice claim is a mixture of lee haeri, kim taeyeon, park sunyoung, & ailee.

her favorite color is blue, loves the rain, & will 100% be caught standing in the middle of a storm.

is a practicing wiccan ! very much so considers herself a witch.

her favorite drink is strawberry milk, & will eat anything that has strawberries !

#islandintro #THIS IS LITERALLY SO FUCKINGGGG LONGGGOHj #i ghosted over smth rly important but ... I CAN touch on it more later i supposed BUT YEAH IM SORRY IF THIS IS FKNNNN AWFUGLLL #this is a mess n im sorryt plsssjoidkl love me !#like dis if u'd like to plot uwu

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pixiesticksie · 8 years ago

Note

3, 5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 19, 22, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 38, 40, 42, 43, 44, 53, 55, 56, 57 (only if ur comfy!!), 59, 60, 63, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 71, 72 (only if ur comfy!!), 74, 87, 91, 94, 99, 102, 108, 111, 114, 119, 129, 131, 134, 137, 138, 139, 142, 143, 145, 148, 149, 150, 154, 155, 156, 157, 167, 168 ((i tried sending this once but i dont think it sent)) ((sorry for all the questions i was just rly curious!!

Oh my gosh. I’ve got my work cut out for me. Thank you though omg

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

Does pyjamas constantly count? Or, or, the boyfriend clothes that Yoongi wears.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus probably.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Caution; short and clingy

9: Are you ticklish?

I’m extremely ticklish. Like,, tickle me and I laugh so hard I cry. I’m so ticklish. Everywhere.

11: What’s your sexuality?

Pansexual~

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

Oh my gosh. I love all three. But my favourites are probably coffee, then tea, then cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

I have two dogs and a cat and I literally go up to every animal I meet and I pat their heads and tell them they look nice today. I’m just an animal person

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

MERPERSON I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH THE LITTLE MERMAID MY ROOM IS DECORATED WITH THE LITTLE MERMAID I ONCE DYED MY HAIR ARIEL RED I LOVE MERMAIDS

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

jacksfilms. but of course I love love love markiplier, dan and phil, ryan higa, etc.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

I do! Always. c:

22: Pet peeves?

Never bite into an apple around me or I swear to god I will rip your teeth out

27: Any phobias or fears?

Heights, spiders, not being able to breathe, losing loved ones

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

I’d like to~ I don’t know if I fully do, but I really love the idea!!

30: Favorite movie?

...The Little Mermaid

31: Do you get scared easily?

Yes actually lol. Jumpscares and stuff, especially irl. But omg I love horror and gore

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

12/10

34: What is a color that calms you?

Light and rich purples

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

Daegu, South Korea or Seoul, SK. Ireland. Canada. Those types of places.

36: Where were you born?

In a lil old town that I live near now. US is all I’m giving you~

38: Introvert or extrovert?

Ambivert!

40: Hugs or kisses?

BOTH. ALL. AHHH.

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus... also Min Yoongi

43: Any piercings you want?

Nose and more ear piercings. I only have 5 piercings now on my ears.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I love them. So much. I’m planning on some for myself.

53: How are you feeling right now?

Sleepy as hell

55: When did you feel happiest?

When I first got into BTS and started biasing Min Yoongi...

56: Something that calms you down?

Min Yoongi...

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

I have pretty severe diagnosed anxiety, like a lot of different kinds. I have diagnosed clinical ocd, diagnosed depression, and diagnosed ptsd. I take medication for them though!

59: What three words describe you the most?

short, smiley, inlovewithminyoongi

60: Do you believe in evolution?

Of course?? whoops sorry catholics I grew up as one of you but no thanks

63: Favorite kind of person:

Lets me be my weird ass self and loves me for it

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

... @/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus

66: Favorite emoticon:

purple heart!! and the whale with the little water comin out of its blowhole

67: Favorite meme:

what in tarnation and me me big boy

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

Mediator? (INFP-T)? I’ve never actually heard of this before!

69: What is your star sign?

Aquarius!!

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

My band t-shirts and combat boots and jeans with a beanie tbh

72: Post a selfie or two?

Maybe..? If anyone really wants to see me

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

I’m very...short. and holy shit I love gore

87: Do your socks always match?

They never match

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

Cherry blossoms!! I’m planning a sakura tree tattoo!

92: A store you hate?

Umm... This CVS near my house. Specifically that one.

99: Someone you look up to:

Min Yoongi lol

102: Where do you live?

The USA! freedom! (it sucks here omf)

108: Something you get paranoid about?

People secretly hating me but pretending they like me

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Have you even tried to get rid of your acne?” Yes. For fucking years now. Get off.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

I like sunny days that aren’t too bright. but cloudy days if I go for a walk/run

119: Favorite thing about a person:

Being cute because everyone is cute tell everyone theyre cute they like it

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

...Well, fuck.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

I obsess over things easily. I love it because it makes me happy but I don’t like the way it annoys others, so I try and keep it contained

134: Do you like roller coasters?

NO OMG NO YOU CANT THEYRE SO HIGH AHHHHHHH

137: Do you believe in karma?

Not really? Kinda? But I’m not focused on it. Like if its real its real idk

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

I’ll go with a solid 5 or 6. But I know @/savejin2k16 would say more

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Oh gosh, okay, um... Hann, Ami, Amity, Hann Hann, Pip, Bunny, Bun, Teddy Bear, Bear, fluff, smol one, red, Ariel, cheeky, monkey, sunshine, mochi, etc, etc, etc... I respond to them all still

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

if im being honest im pretty much a ball of sunshine who never judges anyone and wants everyone happy. take that as you will

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

Giving!! Ahh! It makes me feel so good! Please come to me if you need help, I love it!!

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

Fluently? Um.. English, obviously. I’m almost fluent in Spanish, and I’m learning Korean

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

My eyes! They’re grey and shine a light blue in the light and dark, rich blue in other lights

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

How excited I get over little things. It’s genuine. “Ami, there’s a bunny over-” “*breaks down into tears* BUNNIES ARE SO PRECIOUS I HAVE TO TELL IT THAT IT’S DOING ITS BEST WHERE IS IT”

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

@/savejin2k16 @/kasperquinn @/backseatofthetourbus ....ANDYOONGI

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

Of course. I’m very touchy feely and if my friends are sad, I say “comforting forehead kiss?” and they nod and I’ll give them a little forehead kiss and pat their cheek and tell them they’re doing a good job

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Mhm!! It’s fun. And I love when people play with mine too! It always makes me sleepy.

156: What embarrasses you?

My voice, my bad acne, my tum. Those things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

People talking about me or secretly hating me. And when I can’t check on my friends!! I need to know they’re okay and happy :c

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I think I’d like to know! But I’m not overly focused on it. c:

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

I do! It’s nice, and I like how my eyes look with eyeliner, it brings them out. I’m also irish so I’m naturally very rosy and blushy and I like the even skin tone I get from makeup. Also, the acne. But it’s only on rare occasions I actually wear it, since I’m pretty bad at it and I’m just comfortable without it

Wah.. that took so long oml

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innisffree-blog · 8 years ago

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2016

beginning: 2016 is shiny and new tommy and special k and liam--we drink tea and cuddle sem2 begins, ugh I dislike physics i dislike class idislike work (sorting leaves, grinding dirt) BUT there is late night penguin sliding in the arb, loitering about town, Sammy slamma jamma I grow closer to the mounge people we are so annoying and terrible as a group (sd io kds sm nm sp sb pl. nb. ss jp ck. ns sd sk sh ab. etc etc) but I like being a part of this and being emancipated from the cove, an increasingly toxic place Lovely lovely people but I think glory hates me and this is an internal barrier i hate physics i dislike class i hate work (I’m not getting paid for this shit wtf) but i keep going bc “It’s all about the experience.” -Sujay Sarah + wilbur, I do not like wilbur for many reasons. i start to feel weird about sarah, my sister figure. she didn’t even tell me. glory definitely hates me, no one wants to own up to it barrier grows: • the fucking tshirts • the special fucking breakfast club • the fucking group message barrier grows, I shrink. trying to claw my way out. took a risk, made a mistake (to be cont.)  soc anx creeps back in at increasing pace I am failing physics. v day song with Nathan is a seemingly insignificant bright point dark point=all the hours I spent sorting dirt in the lab and the horror and embarrassment that is being a lowly freshman in research time goes on soccer I want to be friends with grace and Hannah etc!! Talk with grace and jon before we all move out and they were like duh we felt the same about you and this makes me disappointed and pleased at the same time, there is hope for next year w these cool people (I’ve regressed to having friend crushes) passed physics, passed everything, survived the anxiety attacks, goodbye for now umich, lessons learned jeez sem2=done, year1=done bordines! I like it there, watering flowers and rescuing snails for money. FL Cameron hates me fr now. Still don’t know why. Picnic w Mack to get back in the groove of clarkston life, she has changed a bit ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP  (june 10 - july 10) I meet ~22 strangers in an Ann Arbor ally and we depart for Wyoming. After 3 days of driving, we arrive as a family. I love it already, minus the altitudesickness. we laugh a lot and have a good time in the mountains. i like these people a lot but especially Brady and jack b and ***MERYN WHIMSY CAMPBELL*** she is a jewel, she is a ray of sunshine, she is a princess in overalls. why did I try to reject her at first? she is so generous with her love that I couldn’t keep her out. I learned the biggest lesson of 2016 from her and she doesn’t even know it. climb a giant loaf of bread in the middle of the night to see the moonrise, barefoot & blind & by myself, a “risky bitch” -Loafie Sutz I see my shadow miles away in the sunrise on that spire thing 3 weeks in: kinda blow up and leave, walk into the wilderness by myself (bad) and swim to an island where I climb a big boulder and make new friends. I calm down. The Grand Nips are the most beautiful place I have ever spent a month, but I never want to see another minivan in my life. I (Pepino) feel at home outside. Caterpillar fights, bfast burritos, stars. Don’t want to leave. back to Michigan to rot. Try to go to mopop with Alaina but sell my ticket to sean during unnecessary study visit to A2 for the class I eventually drop out of. Sushi with sarah (sarah - Wilbur = i’m so happy abt this event that breaks her heart, I am a selfish friend) Calc ii eats me alive, I give up. More rotting. pentwater w fam, Meryn shows up. golf ball incident: I let myself blow up at dad, but Lauren is there and Alan is there and I come back feeling stronger. more rotting in clarkston. sem3! year2! I’m a mentor! so good to see everyone, I begin to appreciate Nicco a lot, become good friends with kastriot (another jewel) and others (matt and jon, etc), trash candy in nicco’s room and HOLY SHIT I love Alex so much, she is another sister figure. It's foreign to have friends who are girls. so excited abt life in mrc, living with Sarah is good and bad. happy. CONFIRMED(co Nicco): glory hates me EXPLANATION: im too friendly(?????) stumble upon ivy and shouri and keilah and I learn more abt this, they hate glory now, I fucking won the battle w my patience and kindness lolol (I hope she's moved on, I feel neutral about her)(drama is foreign to me) get rejected from EH Things are good, hanging out w old crew and rock camp ppl and the boy who i Like and needs to stop acting as though he Likes me too, v misleading sean’s bday @ the trap house / wolf shirts Housing 2017 is a mess, I am a mess :’| this issue is the tip o' the yikesburg FALL BREAK oct 15 -going up to backpack at pictured rocks with camp ppl, but I realized that I don’t rlly fit w them and also they are s l o w so I split and hike alone for 13 miles in one day, oct 16 ****this is the best day of my life**** screaming and yelling out to Lake Superior in pure joy almost falling off the cliff, seeing aaron on the trail, passing the starburst men, getting lost in a soggy forest after dark (kept my cool), getting picked up by Alan: muddy, bleeding, sweaty, thirsty, wielding a knife (Pepino the Risky Bitch™ is back) high on the sublime beauty of oct 16, 2016 oct 17 - study day, drive around Marquette with my boy tommy, climb around on an abandoned aqueduct, talk about life/love. I am so grateful for this brother of mine. oct 18- south! Pasties are gross oct 19 - bad stats test (50%) (how am I this dumb?) (everything is bad again) (this is the beginning of the descent) I stop going to class bc I can’t get out of bed. I haven’t seen my friends in forever. I don’t have friends anymore. I am trapped in my room/head. I want to die. Dropping orgo Failing stats Dropping/failing friends I want this to end. I want to jump out the window of 479 jo and fall like that raven off the cliffs. I want to pull a Chris McCandless, but I don’t have a car. Alex makes everything better by not telling me that everything is going to get better. she’s been there, she’s failed. I love having her around. Bond with tim and eduardo (woops) and alec and jiten at Chris’s house, but sober erin remembers the barriers I’ve lived on this earth for two whole decades!!(Failed a test on the same day) sad bday churros w Lauren, spent the night on the floor at her place. Meryn brought me oranges and a book about glaciers <33 seds is taking up too much of my time but it’s kinda nice. stubborn boy named haydar tries to bring me pad thai and I say no but we become pen pals anyway, now he knows too much. a good character in my life. Nicco takes an absolute SHIT on me - with one statement he discredits all the friendships I thought I had at umich. It isnt a big deal to him, it’s in the past, but it isn’t for me. barrier is complete. The ghost of glory lives on. Same day- Lauren storms out (why doesn’t she want equality??? I thought she had changed) and Kastriot picks up the pieces Time goes on, erin fails stats sem3=done, but a waste of time/resources. I hate myself. Clarkston grandma is drunk and sad Alan is there with Lauren I am kind of there pickling eggs w Mack– I still love her but man oh man she has changed Royal w tommy and nick new years at konrad’s abandoned ghost house, liam dangles me over possibly the last of the giant ass bonfires, graffiti in the barn loft. learned some stuff about konrad, but he is truly a starfish among urchins. Faith in friendship is restored by him and others and myself. I think I’ll stop hating myself now. 2017 will be shiny and new end

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survivorathena-allstars · 7 years ago

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Episode #10: “Can You Hear My Eyes Rolling Cause They Are” ~ Owen

I LIVED!!!! Which is good, I'm so glad to be on the side with numbers, that was a good blindside, I'm trying not to feel too bad for Emily since she WROTE MY NAME DOWN. also i wonder who the other vote for me was, i bet it was Cameron so he can play both sides. *EYES* I'm so happy to still be here time to win this challenge! ________________________________________________________________ Also I don't get why Lily is so salty she tried to BLINDSIDE ME

i didn't switch to lily because im mostly a dumbass. also i didn't want her to be bitter but five minutes later that decision turned out to mean nothing. emily voted ruthie with me, i'm not sure who the third vote was??? could they please stand up im tired of living in the dark. i think lily voted for me (also i love getting votes in my last three tribals it's the only thing that makes me feel relevant). anyways what matters is that i'm here, but i don't know how much longer i'll last at this rate. to be fair i was honest with these ppl about who i was voting for so like...but it's also like if i had better connections i would've known but oh well!! new round new me am i right haha :,)

If you think I cried a lot in Themyscira, you should see me now. I'm a pro at this point

LILY'S GONE LILY'S NOT ON JURY CHARLOTTE IS ON JURY I M W I N N I N

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Ok I know I'm not supposed to be here and "the tribe has spoken" but hold up. Did Lildemort really just quit? Sis put all that Coco Montrese-level work in round after round to get me out JUST to quit when the going got tough? And now CHARLOTTE is getting whisked away to fill the jury spot?

I can't even. Yes the evil is defeated and good for Charlotte BUT BITCH. Are... are y'all saying... that this is protocol? So like if anything else goes haywire or someone else quits, IM GOING INTO JURY??? I suddenly don't remember unstanning Athena and my PTSD from these seasons is in check again. Athena jury is my true calling and if this is All-Stars and y'all want the most lit jury.... please please please let me fuck it up. I know I know nothing's official and yes this is Charlotte's moment but like

Ya know you could always do a twistos twist. We don't have to do the same thing twice, someone else quitting and a prejuror coming back. Athena trailblazes and I have been a stellar guinea pig my whole life. Ok so placement! We could be poetic: since I got blindsided 5-2 again, I could be Juror #3 again. OR we could wait a bit and I walk in like 5th or 6th, give my enemies a chance to get there ya know and then I wreak havoc. OR we can be super messy, put me in last, and then everyone will be on the floor deceased. I'm very open minded and down to negotiate. Aaaaalll I'm saying is: if y'all want the drama and the ratings, you know who to call

Whew it's taking a whole lot out of me to put effort into my social game. Like I'm really drained. Like so incredibly drained. Talking to these people really hurts honestly. It really does. And for some reason, I'm the least upset with Will and Cameron. Cameron specifically, I'm fine with quite honestly. He was the only one that had the courage to message me last night and... it just made me feel better. No one else messaged me. Ali did but I think it was because Cameron messaged him telling him to message me. I feel most betrayed by Ali honestly mkdsmfkacsd I'm really trying to decide my next course of action

Emily telling me she's the least mad at me and Cameron after the Lily vote is incredible, seeing as we were two of the people pushing the hardest for her to go. Remember that social game everyone said I didn't have in Azores? Here it is now, because I have Emily, Owen, Zach, and Ruthie all spilling tea and taking the fall for me while the rest of the alliance takes the heat. If anything, my ass is safe for at least one more round because Dana put a huge target on herself - not saying that I would EVER want Dana to go, because I feel like we can protect her if she's the target. There are whispers that Duncan's gonna be the next target for his flip-flopping behavior, and Emily might even want to target Owen next. If we let Emily think she has some power after last night, we could steer her right into getting idoled out which would be evil but also incredible. If Owen/Dana/Ali are her public enemies number 1, 2, and 3 right now then... that's perfect for me. A path is opening up towards the end for me, and I really, really love it. Some people don't learn from their mistakes, but it's 2018 and this year is about growth and personal development - I know why I lost Azores, and now I can see how I can win All Stars. ________________________________________________________________ I'm starting to get worried though because I'm realizing I don't think I can beat Cameron in a F3...and I don't like the thought of having to vote him out and I don't think I could beat him in a F4 tiebreaker either...So the next few tribals need to look like this: F11/F10 boot is Duncan/Owen, F9 boot is Emily, F8-F6 is some combination of Ashvika/Ruthie/Zach, then F5 boot is Cameron and F4 would be unanimously Kevin. Like I said, we can let Emily dictate the F11/F10 targets and I think she'd go for those two first, then we can let her think it's one of us going and play an idol to take her out at F9 (and Cameron/myself wouldn't get the heat). Then we have a clear majority at F8 of our 4 plus really...any of the others who wanna keep going. Then at F6, any idols will have to be played so I just need to make sure I don't become a robbed legend. And then F5 will either be 4-1 or 3-2 and Cameron has to go - and I hate hate HATE that but I'm so worried about me being safe at F4 hinging on winning final immunity. But we'll see I guess. If I'm gonna go to the F3 with my alliance, it needs to be with Ali and Dana - because people think they're erratic and floaters. This is how it's gonna have to be though and I can see a path to the end...but it's not an easy path and people are gonna be Mad with a big fat capital M.

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OH HOHO, SO DUNCAN WANTS ME OUT HUH? Well honey, I've got some news for you. One, I have an idol. Two, I have friends in high places. And three? You are not so powerful. I am loved and I am winning this game, and taking the days played record right from your hands. I love you, but you are not taking me down today.

Whew I've been a roller coaster of emotions for the past twenty four hours and I've finally calmed down and I feel a lot more woke now. Here are some comments on everyone still in the game. ALI: Ali is a hard one because both Duncan and I feel very betrayed by him. Ali didn't fill Duncan in on the Lily vote, it was someone else that told Duncan. And I thought Duncan and Ali were like spearheading the Duncan vote. And I also told Owen about Ali's idol, but I'll get to that part. I don't think I trust Ali anymore unless he can prove to me otherwise. I've been having a very difficult time talking to him because I do feel incredibly betrayed. What I don't understand is why he thought that I had an idol or Lily had an idol? I didn't. I think he knew that. I told him so many times I just wanted to be informed of what was happening, and I thought a good, trustworthy ally of mine would tell me the truth. But he didn't. Not until 10:00. Which I think is very cowardly. I'm playing with a flock of cowards. ASHVIKA: Honestly I'm really pissed she's in such an... untouchable position? In my eyes, she's been super inactive? Maybe that's wrong, but I've not talked to her much at all. I believe she's in an untouchable position because of her allies. She's got Will, Dana, Zach, Duncan... like people on all sides? And that makes me mad? She's going to make it far and it makes me upset. DANA: Queen of unknowingly telling me that Lily was going last night <3 LOL Dana didn't know that I didn't know Lily was leaving and was straight up with me so that's real cute. I know she's close with Zach and has talked about wanting to work with Zach and I but I don't even know where Zach and I stand... I'll comment on that later in Zach's portion of this confession. I also feel like Dana is in a good position and it's >:( PUT ME IN UR POSITIONS U FUCKS DUNCAN: Duncan I thought was a lot more in on the vote than he actually was, which makes me feel bad about exposing his idol to Owen, but I was just SO MAD!!! I think Duncan is feeling the same way about Ali as I am. He's really hurt that Ali would like... go behind the backs of his close allies like this? And, honestly? It's not smart either? We are the only ones (to my knowledge) that know about Ali's idol? Like? Why would Ali do something like this lmao it's just stupid quite honestly. I'm going to have to figure out what to do moving forward but... I trust Duncan and Ali a whole lot. KEVIN: Tbh king of voting in the minority. I really don't have many feelings on Kevin but I honestly feel bad and I'm really confused why he was left out of the vote last round??? Like omg??? Poor Kevin I feel bad. King of being my secret santa. Cameron: After all of this has happened, I trust Cameron the most. I feel like he is being the most genuine with me and the most sincere about wanting to work with me. I think he's going to be someone I want to work with long term. I'm trying to be as adaptable as possible. And I think Cameron will help me out? Maybe? I just don't want to die this round holy fuck. I trust Cameron a good amount and I'm willing to do whatever he wants me to do this round to keep myself alive. And if this is my last round, it's my last round. I still have lots of friends in the game that'd I'd be happy winning. I'm just really concerned idk OUP AND I'VE JUST BEEN INFORMED BY DUNCAN WHO WAS INFORMED BY ALI THAT Cameron TOLD ALI HE HAS AN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK OWEN: Okay. Owen's,,,,, been found the heck out. HE HAS BEEN FOUND THE HECK OUT. Like, y'all. Owen is playing me so hard. And I HAVE BEEN AWARE OF IT TOO. I'VE SEEN IT HAPPENING. AND I'M LIKE. OH THAT'S SKETCHY. HAVE I DONE ANYTHING ABOUT IT? NO! Owen told me he was campaigning hard for Kevin to go and from what I was told by Cameron, Owen was actually campaigning for Lily to go, but saying he didn't want to actually vote for Lily because he wanted to stay in my good graces! And he did the same thing with the Madison vote but voting for Jack and not picking a fucking side! Oh god. I felt so alone last night and when Owen called me, I just let it out. I exposed some tea I probably shouldn't have. But I think I know how I can deal with it? I don't know. I think Duncan is a very likely target this round. If he doesn't use his hideout, he needs to use his idol. Like. He's very likely to go home. And we can idol out a big person if we use it. Whether it's Will, Dana, Ashvika, or Ali I don't care. I want one of them gone. And I think we can do it. I think we need to keep Owen out of that plan though? I don't know what's going to go on. I want Owen gone but I know Duncan doesn't so like... this is going to be a big mess lol RUTHIE: God who the fuck knows honestly. I don't. WILL: I like Will but he's got his own little... posse. And they scare me. Him, Cameron, Ashvika, Dana, Zach, and Ali. And probably Owen, honestly. They fucking......... I won't let them run this game no sir-ee! I don't know how to fix it but fksdfjasd. Also I thought he had an idol but no, Cameron has that. So. Anyways I don't have much to say about Will. I'm fine with him. Don't want him to vote me out. ZACH: I love Zach so so so much and he's a great person but like I have no clue where we stand in the game anymore. Actually i just messaged him a long thing and I think we're all okay. Also I'm gonna submit his and all of my Zach talk is just gonna be the same uWu I love zach so much stuff so like I'm just gonna send it y'all know I love zach already no need to say it again bye

I AM SO PROUD OF WILL!! Now to figure out what to do. I really don't want Emily to go and it's simply because she's just too gosh darn likable. I'm going to try to figure something out with Cameron and Will though and right now they are my saviors, I'll do whatever they want to do but I also really don't want Owen or Zach to leave either.

Honestly I don't know what to think. I feel bad because I partially betrayed Emily by knowing Lily was leaving but lying, or failing to tell! Wooh love omission! But I think i've talked with her and i'm sure it's not super fixed but it's a little better. I now have an alliance with Duncan and Ashvika, then my pal Dana. How loyal am I? Well... not a lot. I don't want them to release this information and then by default, i'm the one being voted out because of "betrayal" or whatnot. But i'm not sure who i'd love to see. I guess my ideal people are Kevin, and a little Ruthie/Ali. I like everyone genuinely and i'm upset by Lily's reaction and just overall execution, but I feel like it was a fine move and despite it not being mine, I think Cameron came off as very aggressive and negative and that's going to bite him in the ass I think. But I made jury so HALLELUJAH!! 3/3 in Jury! And also - it's day 100 for me!! AHH!!!

In reference to last round? "That vote was messy so I’m going to follow suit. It’s open season on everyone’s asses and I’m pissed off and ready to shoot" Thats how i felt after i read what happened and everyone almost omitted me from the vote. According to Will i was left out because i mentioned to emily earlier on in the day that people were throwing lily's name out there. Also i told people i wanted to do lily next round, so people thought i was not going to budge on it and did not bother telling me the vote. What disappointed me though was Ali not coming through and telling me. He really let me down and because of that he's pushed me away. I told him we're fine and that im not mad any more. I mean its true, I'm not mad anymore, IM PISSED!!! So if he can't trust me i can't trust him. I made a finals deal with Ashvika tonight, and told her about ali's idol and Cameron's idol. If loose lips are gonna sink ships i don't want to be aboard the ship, i want to be behind the canon gunning it down. Who says there aren't any pirates on survivor? lol But anyways ashvika and i also made a foursome alliance with zach and dana since we feel like they're a tight duo who are dependable. I really so like the group as people and they're people i've never played with before which makes it even more exciting! Do i want to go to the end with them? Absolutely not! but its a cute group to get through the next couple rounds. I do intend on going to the end with ashvika though. the only person thats been 100 with me the whole game. I do believe she's with me but i need to make sure my other bonds are strong because im not giving anyone the power to obliterate my game. i've learned and I'm finished making mistakes

I always align with men and I hate myself

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________________________________________________________________ This FINALLY uploaded. It's from the morning after we merged.

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Hi moms I don't know how i'm voting tonight, which tbh, shouldn't be a shocker to yall. I'm a mess, but I haven't heard my name. Tbh send me on vacation to visit my girl Charlotte. But ideally i'd like to be 4th-5th juror because then i'll be more informed about the game so like let me meme around a little bit longer. Also this is my mood for today On 1/11/18, at 12:16 PM, Dana Barry wrote: > the girl im talking to: what are you up to today? > me: not being stressed out by tribal council in an org

This is really just my mood (see below) for this round because it's so clear Emily's trying to scramble by not really scrambling and if one of my alliance gets idoled out tonight i'm setting fire to the rain. Sorry that the game isn't going your way queen! I'm the Sarah Lacina and Brad Culpepper to your Sandra, Aubry, and Cirie and this is Game Changers xoxo Emily, 2:21 PM im not used to not knowing whats going on in a game afjsfkjasdklfas

Okay so I made a video confession and I’ll upload soon but... I’m excited about my new position in the game. I’m bouncing back, I think? I’ve been able to reestablish my relationships with Cameron, Will, Zach, and Ali and I am working on building on with Dana. I’m trying to get on the good side of Cameron & Co.™️ And I think it’s going well? Ali is talking to me and is very uneasy about Duncan. Rightfully so because Duncan is mad at Ali. I also am playing off the exposing-Ali-and-Duncan’s-idols-to-Owen thing off like Duncan was the one that could possibly leak it to Owen, since they’re close. And I think Ali believes it. Unless he already knows I told Owen and like? Idk. But Ali has also told me that he feels weird about Duncan because I am the one that he screwed over, and yet Duncan is the one upset. I’m not upset anymore and I’m moving on. Duncan is not happy. I am just sitting back, spreading subtle information, and getting people to target each other while I cuddle with my cats from afar. I’ve told Will and Cameron both that I am just here to take orders at this point. I don’t want to get in the way of anything. And I have opinions, I just want let them out until someone says them for me first. I’m trying to be agreeable, valuable, and calm this round. OTT Emily is no more. CP Emily is back, okay? She’s here to stay!!! I’m calm. I’m cool. I’m collected. I can do this.

I told people what I'm thinking today, which means pasta la vista 2 me. Idk i'm not even trying to lie to people but honestly i'm one of those people who is like so manipulative that sometimes I lie to myself and then get confused about what the truth is so wiggy. Does that happen to other people? I'm getting more crackedt by the minute. Who knows how i'm voting. I just want to vote Emily because she's being a problem and messy quen who sent my pms to everyone in the game to exploit me 4 being dumb and gullible. A funky strategy, like exploit me all u want but u probably arent winnin. Also weirdly Duncan thinks votes tonight are going to be on Emily anyway, so like now I can maybe make that happen. I'm a sneaky weasel with the power of a 50% functional brain behind me, aka a WINNER. Earlier today tho I was voting out Duncan though so blegh and also nobody wants to talk to me, which is good leave me alone. I just dont feel like getting voted out yet, sort of, and the other part of me is like bye world i could use some time in solitary confinement. Is that a mood for everyone or just me? I just sent the tribe chat a picture of Owen as a goat idk i like to laugh. This is a rant and she doesn't make sense can someone get jesus to talk to me because she is ignoring my pms too. Also I just signed out of skype so I can calm down and give myself a break from being as upsetting. Ok i'm going to stop writing now gn.

https://youtu.be/5PdXIHGvMpk me talking 2 ppl pretending it's cool they left me in the dark anyways i love getting votes 3 tribals in a row. and APPARENTLY according to Cameron i might be receiving votes tonight. exciting! if you're gonna vote for me do it right and take me out you cowards all you're doing is making my skin break out. the alternate options are all from atalaia: ruthie and emily!!! whew!!

https://tmblrsurvivorextra.tumblr.com/post/169591129951

“Okay I did eenie meenie minie moe and it landed on ruthie so that’s how I’ll be voting”

I made myself laugh with that one. If they ain’t going to make a decision, you decide for them

I truly am channeling my inner Eliza Orlins by being targeted so often. Whew! So turns out Cameron's a snake because Duncan gave me the receipts (well not any receipts actually but I'm trusting his word). APPARENTLY Cameron only told me Emily as a fake target because he was intending to vote for me. Snakes are gonna snake snake snake snake snake. Duncan and others are telling me Ruthie. Im supposed to believe that the tide is turning towards Ruthie but people here have a habit of spewing lies. Duncan just told me to act clueless and stuff or whatever if people approach me about the vote. I don't need to try to act clueless, because I don't know shit!

You would think that, being immune, I would feel safe, comfortable, happy. No I feel none of the above and I want to scream. I love Cameron but for some reason he won't take a breath and do the easy vote like dude...It doesn't need to be another big blindside or another big move. I'm worried that he's getting a little too confident and feels like he's the one in charge of the alliance, which is not cute at all. I don't want to be mad at him but I'm definitely frustrated, annoyed. My patience? She's being tested. I feel like I need to take a backseat on this one and just let whatever happens happen, because I'm in a good enough place with people that I can pick up the pieces if something horrible happens tonight. Cameron's hardcore overplaying and it's not a good look for him or our alliance if things start to get messy though.

I’m putting a lot of blind trust into Cameron but he’s the only one lending me enough rope to hold on to. I’m so nervous but I’m trying to stay sane this vote. I was expecting my name to come up tonight, but I wasn’t expecting it to come from Duncan, which is who I’ve been told brought my name up. I’m not playing a winner’s game right now. I’m so nervous and I don’t know how to fix it.

I love Owen sending me this big paragraph at merge, then telling Duncan I should go from the start of merge and saying how easily playable I am. I love Duncan who I trusted and told _everything_ targetting me for truly no reason, when I actually did attempt to clue him in on the vote. He just wasn't online. He is channelling his bitterness at not being in the loop at me, which is totally unfair. I love Emily who I thought I could trust telling everything about my idol to Owen. I went to her so many times trying to stress how much I valued her. I was the first person to clue her into the vote, I'm just sad. Obviously its just on a game level and I'll find it in my hort to forgive them, but Im so betrayed. So betrayed

I mean like is it really that bad to want to make a vote go 3-3-3-2? Is that really that ugly?

HECK OFF DUNCAN LITERALLY. I JUST WANT HIM TO CHOKE. it looks like we might vote Kevin? maybe? or split the vote? idk? this is? awful? help? please?

Why are Duncan and Owen blowing spoke at me with the efficiency of a chimney? I know Owen wants me to spill info to him and Duncan wants me out so what's up sjsjdkdkd God its so refreshing knowing that everyone is trying to play me hard

Will won immunity, I knew I wasnt gonna have the time to win this one so that's okay it does make me a bit worried but I dont think that like...it was necessarily beneficial to win it again so soon.

The main thing I'm grapplin with is that information spreads like fire! Emily tells me Ali and Duncan have idols, and that Duncan has a power that can remove him from the game for a round too. Huge yikes. So instantly that's on my mind. I knew Cameron knows about Ali's. I feel like maybe I've typed this before... But either way today I got on call with Will and basically gave him all of this information. And I've been forming a plan to get Duncan to dump an idol, if I tell him that I've been hearing his name! But Will suggested we just leak that Duncan might go to Ashvika.... Which gets messy for me bc if Duncan hears from Ashvika and not me, he won't trust me anymore. but then like...if I tell him I'm hearing his name and then.....nobody votes for him? he'll know why. BUT THEN ALSO LOL Cameron MESSAGES WILL ABOUT DUNCAN'S IDOL AND SUGGESTS DOING SOMETHING TO GET RID OF IT WHILE I'M STILL ON CALL WITH WILL. God this stresses me OUT. If Duncan doesn't waste his idol though it isn't the end of the world, because I do have a possibility of working with him. I just don't want him to idol Kevin. Speaking of, as soon as this round started I knew I wanted Kevin out. That breaks a connection that Duncan and potentially Cameron have, and gives me another round to get closer with Ali, Ruthie, Emily maybe. The call of four seemed good with Kevin, so does Emily, and I told Ruthie about it. Duncan is once again targeting Ruthie instead of Kevin so that's another thing to deal with. GOD. So rn it'll prob be like 8-3 or 4-7 or something but idk..... I want to believe Dana/Will/Cameron won't turn on me, but I can't tell myself I won't turn on them eventually idk. I have been talking to Ali and I think maybe I can sit at the end with him and Ruthie that would be SO GOOD lol. Or with Duncan maybe at the end. But Will, Dana, and Cameron are big risks. I just don't want to fuck them over....ugh. They're prob gonna wanna take me out. This is me 24/7. But I still love all of them rn too. Wow this game is F U N. Idk what I'm gonna do in general or tonight or with Duncan but I'm sure it'll be fun at some point.

I'm so confused by Duncan. I called him at the swap and told him EVERYTHING. I poured my heart and soul out to him. I said I trusted him all the way and I meant it. Now when he doesn't get clued in on a vote (which is his fault for not messaging me back) he is throwing the baby out with the bath water and just wants me out? Like he said this big thing about how it "hurt him when his number one left him out" which I didn't do, but that's so hypocritical when he now wants me out. I'm trying to not be too like too bitter because I love Duncan but come on.

Why aren’t there manipulatable straight boys in this game. This is unfair. Who am I supposed to flirt with and get them to take me to the end???? What the fuck

can u hear my eyes rolling cause they are

aliI'm about to be idoled out may I rest in peace

[1/11/18, 9:35:17 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): if I tell u to change the vote last minute do you PROMISE not to tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:35:24 PM] Emily: yes [1/11/18, 9:35:33 PM] Emily: give me enough time to make my parchment [1/11/18, 9:35:43 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): How much time is that? 5? ten? [1/11/18, 9:35:46 PM] Emily: please don’t have me throw my vote tho [1/11/18, 9:35:49 PM] Emily: ten? [1/11/18, 9:35:53 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): Ok cool [1/11/18, 9:35:58 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): i won’t have you throw your vote I just [1/11/18, 9:36:05 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I don’t want someone to find out [1/11/18, 9:36:06 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:36:11 PM] Emily: I won’t my lips are sealed [1/11/18, 9:36:20 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): this is me sneakily trying to keep u in the loop [1/11/18, 9:38:25 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): Some ppl just don’t trust you and I want u to know I trust you but idk if its changing yet [1/11/18, 9:38:42 PM] Emily: will this show them im trustworthy? [1/11/18, 9:38:46 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): i think so [1/11/18, 9:38:50 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:39:07 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I love you just pls dont tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:39:15 PM] Emily: im not telling anyone [1/11/18, 9:47:21 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You PROMISE you vote how I say [1/11/18, 9:47:27 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): and you don’t tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:47:31 PM] Emily: yes [1/11/18, 9:47:42 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): my allies don’t want me to tell u bc they think you’ll tell owen so its imperitive you don’t okay [1/11/18, 9:47:50 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): im putting my life on the line with you [1/11/18, 9:47:51 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:47:56 PM] Emily: i won’t Cameron [1/11/18, 9:48:13 PM] Emily: am i voting owen? [1/11/18, 9:48:29 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): no [1/11/18, 9:48:30 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You’re not [1/11/18, 9:48:45 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You’re voting for duncan unless you want to keep it on Kevin in case duncan plays his idol [1/11/18, 9:48:47 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): its up to you [1/11/18, 9:49:23 PM] Emily: okay ill vote duncan [1/11/18, 9:49:42 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): okay just PLEASE don’t tell anyone I told you to vote duncan [1/11/18, 9:49:47 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): IM BEGGING [1/11/18, 9:49:51 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): IT WILL GET ME MRUDERED HBEFJNDMS [1/11/18, 9:50:25 PM] Emily: i voted [1/11/18, 9:50:38 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): pls dont fuck me over emiyl [1/11/18, 9:50:45 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): This is me proving that I trust you and I want to work with you [1/11/18, 9:50:56 PM] Emily: am i supposed to pretend i dont know after the vote is over? [1/11/18, 9:52:27 PM] Emily: thank you so much for clueing me in Cameron i really appreciate it [1/11/18, 9:52:49 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I love you [1/11/18, 9:52:59 PM] Emily: i love you too [1/11/18, 9:53:40 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): And yes pls pretend This is my reasoning for voting for Duncan. I'm doing what it's taking to keep me in the game. I'm putting my trust in Cameron and I'm not sure if I'm making the smartest decision or not, but I'm doing it.

This was way too chaotic and shows that our four is way less stable than I thought we were. Like this could have been so easy but no everyone had to fREAK THE FUCK OUT like I'm so sorry and I'm so gonna regret saying this in a confessional but I legitimately don't care if Cameron Ali Dana whoever think they're the target of an idol. It does not matter who the target is. We needed to put a vote on Kevin if we were gonna bring Zach in but there was too much fucking chaos in our mess of a 4 person alliance to understand that. Nobody listens to me and it's clear now, especially Cameron. He thinks he's running this game but he's running himself into the ground. I'm sorry but it's just too much.

If Duncan stands with an idol i'm self-evicting into the sun.

Duncan becomes the 10th person voted out of Athena All Stars, and the 2nd member of our jury. You can see Duncan’s preseason interview here.

#NotAllFunAndGames

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lineatura · 7 years ago

Text

Issue #2: Nina Pixel

en | de | sk

The music of Nina Pixel is just as headstrong as she is. As part of the audio-visual groups Hertz | Kunst-Plattform and female:pressure, she builds up her own acoustic world somewhere between borderless soundscapes and dark&dirty techno. Her tracks are simultaneously intense and expansive; playing with a broad dynamic spectrum while following an elaborate dramatic structure. It’s music you can easily get lost in trying to find something you didn’t know you were searching for.

**Do you remember the pixel resolution of your first camera? **(Laughing) To be honest, I can’t even tell you the pixel resolution of my current camera.

**What can’t be pictured even with a mountain of pixels? **Recently, I was speculating with a friend that we need a machine or an app application that would be able to record smell. Then we could exchange smells in the same way we share pictures or sounds.

**Is there a sound you can’t get enough of? **Silence.

**If someone was looking for silence, where would you send them? **Nowhere. Close your eyes and you will find silence. You could go to cemetery or to the pantry, but if I think of silence, I see myself closing my eyes and finding silence. No matter where I am.

**How would you characterize your music? **As something not defined by clear borders. Some people say that my music is dark. In my eyes it’s rather grey. Grainy grey.

**Is there a BPM value that raises your heartbeat? **I’m not synchronized in that way.

**How do you like to touch music? **In my imagination.

**What is your preferred punctuation mark? **The period. Sometimes, when things are serious, three.

**Is technology in tune with nature? **Why not? At least for the smell machine it would have to be.

**Where does the harmony reside? In the head or the stomach? **In the stomach.

**Which music genre do you never listen to? **Disco Polo.

**Do you collect anything? **Everything! Information, photographs, music, pictures, sounds… Mainly virtually. My virtual basement is always full.

**What about discarding or deleting things? **I prefer to collect and store. However, I think I should delete more. I have to learn how.

**How do you produce your tracks? **First I imagine what I would like to say. Either it’s a story, or it’s about the atmosphere of the place where the music should be played. Then I design something like a diagram in my head – how should the piece evolve, where should it culminate, how will it dramatically build and when should it fall again, where should it go further. And then I put it all together.

**How can you tell when things fit together? **Either it goes with the story or place in my imagination or it doesn’t. Back when I was drawing, I always had the impression that it was done for me by somebody else. It’s similar with music; it goes automatically. It comes together by itself. I intervene only if something should be added or taken away, or if it should be pushed towards a new direction. Maybe it’s not me who is doing the music.

**Which line should we avoid to following? **The one that is way too straight.

Interview: Peter Koval Photo: Nina Pixel (with PK1) Editing: Luke Pendergrass Tea: Paper&Tea

INTERVIEW MIT NINA PIXEL

Die Musik von Nina Pixel ist eigenwillig wie sie selbst. Als Mitglied der audiovisuellen Gruppe Hertz | Kunst-Plattform und female:pressure erschafft sie eine eigene akustische Welt, die sich irgendwo zwischen entgrenzten Soundscapes und Dark&Dirty Techno verorten lässt. Ihre Stücke sind intensiv und extensiv zugleich, sie sind offen für ein großes Spektrum an Dynamik, während sie einer durchdachten Dramaturgie folgen. Eine Musik, in der man sich verlieren kann, um etwas zu finden, was man gar nicht gesucht hat.

Die Wahlberlinerin, die in einer grauen Plattenbausiedlung mit malerischem Bergblick aufgewachsen ist, liebt Kontraste. Bei einer Tasse Tee verriet sie uns unter anderem, von welchem Geräusch sie momentan nicht genug kriegen kann.

**Wieviele Pixel hatte deine erste Kamera? **(Lacht.) Ganz ehrlich, ich weiß nicht einmal, wieviele Pixel meine jetzige Kamera hat.

**Was könnte man nicht einmal mit einem ganzen Berg von Pixeln festhalten? **Ich hatte neulich zusammen mit einem Freund darüber nachgedacht, dass man ein Gerät oder eine Anwendung erfinden müsste, die Gerüche aufnehmen, speichern und wiedergeben kann. So, wie wir uns heute Bilder oder Töne schicken, so könnten wir dann Gerüche austauschen.

**Von welchem Geräusch kannst du dich momentan nicht satt hören? **Stille.

**Wenn jemand Stille suchen würde, wohin würdest du ihn schicken **Nirgendwohin. Mach die Augen zu und es wird still! Du kannst auch zum Friedhof gehen oder in die Speisekammer… Wenn man aber Stille sagt, dann stelle ich mir vor, dass ich meine Augen schließe und es wird still. Ganz egal, wo ich bin.

**Wie würdest du deine Musik charakterisieren? **Als etwas, was nicht durch klare Umrisse begrenzt ist. Manche sagen, meine Musik sei düster. Ich nehme sie eher als grießelig grau wahr.

**Bei welchem BPM-Wert fängt dein Herz schneller zu schlagen? **Ich bin nicht auf diese Weise synchronisiert.

**Wie berührst du am liebsten Musik? **In meinen Vorstellungen.

**Welches Satzzeichen verwendest du am liebsten? **Den Punkt. Manchmal, wenn es ernst wird, dann drei Punkte.

**Sind Natur und Technik im Einklang? **Warum nicht? Zumindest für die Geruchsmaschine wäre es nötig.

**Wo wohnt Harmonie, im Kopf oder im Bauch? **Im Bauch.

**Gibt es ein Musikgenre, welches du nicht hören kannst? **Disco Polo.

**Sammelst du etwas? **Alles! Informationen, Fotos, Musik, Bilder, Geräusche… Vor allem virtuell. Mein virtueller Keller ist immer voll.

**Zerstörst du oder löschst du gern? **Ich sammle eher und speichere. Aber ich sollte auch löschen. Ich muss es lernen.

**Wie entstehen deine Stücke? **Als erstes stelle ich mir vor, was ich sagen will. Entweder eine Geschichte oder im Bezug auf die Atmosphäre des Ortes, an dem es gespielt wird. Im Kopf entwerfe ich dann eine Art Verlaufsdiagramm – wie soll sich das Stück entwickeln, wo ist der Höhepunkt, wie soll es dramatisch wachsen, wie tief fällt es danach ab und auch, wie es weiter gehen soll. Und dann wird alles zusammengefügt.

**Woran erkennst du, dass etwas zusammen gehört? **Entweder passt es zu der Geschichte oder der Atmosphäre in meinen Vorstellungen oder eben nicht. Als ich noch gezeichnet habe, habe ich immer den Eindruck gehabt, dass es jemand für mich gemacht hat. Mit Musik ist es ähnlich. Wie wenn es allein liefe. Es entsteht so gut wie alleine und ich greife nur ein, wenn etwas hinzugefügt, weggenommen, oder in eine andere Richtung bewegt werden soll. Vielleicht bin es auch nicht ich, wer die Musik macht.

**Welcher Linie sollten wir lieber nicht folgen? **Derjenigen, die so gerade verläuft.

Interview: Peter Koval Foto: Nina Pixel (mit PK1) Tee: Paper&Tea

INTERVIEW S NINOU PIXEL

Hudba Niny Pixel je svojrázna, ako ona sama. Členka audiovizuálneho zoskupenia Hertz | Kunst-Plattform a female:pressure si vytvára svoj vlastný akustický svet niekde na rozmedzí bezodných soundscapes a dark&dirty techna. Jej skladby sú intenzívne a extenzívne súčasne, vynímajú sa širokou škálou dynamiky, zároveň však nasledujú dômyselnej dramaturgii. Je to hudba, v ktorej sa človek dokáže poľahky stratiť, aby následne našiel niečo, čo vôbec nehľadal.

Nina Pixel vyrástla na šedom panelákovom sídlisku s malebným výhľadom na hornatú krajinu. Možnože aj práve preto tak obľubuje kontrasty. Momentálne žije v Beríne, kde sme ju stretli na šálku čaju, aby nám okrem iného prezradila, ktorého zvuku sa nevie vypočúvať do sýtosti.

Koľko pixelov mal tvoj prvý fotoaparát? (Smiech.) Priznám sa, že ani neviem, koľko ich má ten môj terajší.

**Na zachytenie čoho by nestačil ani celý Lachovec pixelov? **Nedávno som spolu s priateľom premýšľala nad tým, že by bolo treba vymyslieť prístroj alebo aplikáciu, ktorá by dokázala zachytiť vôňu. Tak ako obrázky alebo zvuky, tak by sme si potom mohli posielať vôňu.

**Ktorého zvuku sa momentálne nevieš vypočúvať do sýtosti? **Ticha.

**Keby niekto hľadal ticho, kam by si ho poslala? **Nikam. Zavri oči a máš ticho. Môžeš ísť ja na cintorín alebo do špajze... Keď sa však povie ticho, tak ja si predstavím, že zavriem oči a nastane ticho. Je úplne jedno, kde som.

**Ako by si charakterizovala tvoju hudbu? **Ako niečo, čo nie je vymedzené jasnými hranicami. Niektorí hovoria, že moja hudba je temná. Ja ju skôr vnímam ako šedú. So zrnením.

**Pri ktorej hodnote BPM ti podskočí srdiečko? **Nie som takto zosynchronizovaná.

**Ako sa najradšej dotýkaš hudby? **V predstavách.

**Ktoré interpunkčné znamienko používaš najradšej? **Bodku. Niekedy, keď je to veľmi vážne, tak tri bodky.

**Tvoria technika a príroda súzvuk? **Prečo nie? Na ten vôňostroj by to určite bolo treba.

**Kde sídli harmónia, v hlave alebo v bruchu? **V bruchu.

**Existuje hudobný žáner, ktorý zásadne nepočúvaš? **Disco Polo.

**Zbieraš niečo? **Všetko! Informácie, fotky, hudbu, obrázky, zvuky... Hlavne virtuálne. Moja virtuálna pivnica je vždy plná.

**Ničíš alebo mažeš rada? **Ja skôr zbieram a ukladám. Ale mala by som aj mazať. Musím sa to naučiť.

**Ako vznikajú tvoje skladby? **Ako prvé si vždy predstavím, čo chcem povedať. Buď príbeh alebo v súvislosti s atmosférou miesta, kde sa to bude hrať. V hlave si urobím niečo ako graf – ako sa to má vyvíjať, kde má byť vyvrcholenie, ako to dramaticky narastie, kam to klesne, a tiež ako to má ísť ďalej. A potom to dávam dokopy.

**Podľa čoho spoznáš, že niečo spolu pasuje? **Buď mi to pasuje k tomu príbehu alebo atmosfére v mojich predstavách alebo nie. Keď som kedysi kreslila, tak som vždy mala dojem, že to za mňa urobil niekto iný. Podobné je to s hudbou. Ako keby to šlo samo. Samo sa to spája a ja do toho zasahujem iba vtedy, keď treba niečo pridať alebo ubrať alebo to posunúť iným smerom. Ja tú hudbu možno ani nerobím.

**Ktorú líniu by sme nemali nasledovať? **Tú, ktorá je príliš rovná.

Interview: Peter Koval

Foto: Nina Pixel (s PK1) Čaj: Paper&Tea

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