#im still pissed off about that actually what was that shit bro i couldnt even be mad about it when watching the movie either cus i was too

[theafrochick]

I did close the game but my final thoughts on the matter for now are are: what I feel right now playing p5r is the exact same feeling I had with breath of the wild where the actual end goal/quest line of the game feels so detached from what I'm doing as a player that Im having a hard time actually caring about it.

BotW you could at least ignore the story and still have fun with the game for the most part, but persona is linear so you don't even have the luxury of ignoring the story to go fuck around.

[rayasland]

I'm sorry but your post about Aging Up characters delegitimises hundreds upon thousands of fanfictions across all fandoms and is a ridiculous ask. You're basically asking all fans to only write about the adult characters in NSFW situations - even if the teen character is now an adult in the fic??? So we can't explore how the teen now struggles with life as an adult, including new adventures or settings, because its somehow problematic??? I can assure you authors aren't picturing kids when writing Aged Up fics, the point and the intent is to explore how they'd function in different/challenging situations, not if their homework needs to be in on time. I understand your intent- you're coming at this topic from a place of worry- but bullying fanfic writers is just going to silence all forms of fandom. We're cannibalising each other enough as it is, and your words are doing more harm than good

uve completely got it all wrong. ur saying u understand but ur sending this long ass paragraph and that says otherwise. im actually getting pissed.

how is bringing attention to smth thats been happening for a while now gonna be labelled as “bullying..?” a bit confusing. im not forcing no one to stop writing abt minors, if u wanna live ur life writing about kids despite knowing its pedophilic, do as u wish. like i said im 1. bringing to light how wrong it is 2. seeing how many ppl will agree. im not bullying anyone either so idk wtf ur on abt. all i can say abt that is that u must be real fucking sensitive if u think that was bullying bro. cannot wait to see how u react to real life bullying!

i cant even lie how u gon write a paragraph of pure yap😭😭

its okay to write kid characters experiencing real life things that could happen to literally anyone(non-sexual), i never said u couldnt. whats not okay and what i completely disagree on is blatantly writing porn about them. "i understand your intent!" mm sure, and i understand what you’re saying is that its okay to write them having sex?? bc it's something that they can "explore as an adult"? you’re okay with a child experiencing that? regardless of whether they're real or not??? honestly you’re js trying to justify ur weird ass behaviour and its as clear as day. also… tbh, why r u acting as if sexual activities are the only ways a minor aged up as an adult can explore or wtf that means??? pretty sure theres a million other ways so maybe get ur mind out of the gutter.

tf was the point of that message? that why you asked anonymously? bc YOU YOURSELF know posting that is pedophilic behavior disguised behind ur so called moral ambiguity by bringing in other shit that only justifies writing porn about A CHILD??

u wanna be dramatic about "bullying fanfic writers," "cannibalizing each other," and my words doing more harm than good? how about you get a fucking life you self righteous pedophile. like okay, sure fine we'll let it slide. and then we should let real-person fictional literature porn about a child slide. and then we should let porn videos and drawings of little kids slide. and then we should normalize minor + adult relationships so that everyone can have a chance regardless of their age because experiencing something is better because it makes both parties understand!

in all forms!! incest, pedophilic, power imbalances, rape from randoms on the street, in our schools, in the transports, out in public, in private, in our homes, when we're young! when we're old! when we don't know what's between anyone else's legs! they a boy? they a girl? they both? they none? even better! honestly if ur reading that kinda shit and r actually getting off to it, please seek help. and if u STILL after reading all this have no idea why its not okay, use google or read the comments and reblogs on the actual post and go talk nonsense at them bc im not going to be responding to whatever bs u have to say in response.

[justsearchingfor]

im crying here wah wahw ah

give up this act like you fucking cared bro. you left every single time sometimes slightly PISSED you off. like what. you threw me away so many times for nothing. and i gave you patience and forgiveness that i figured i'd get back. but ur shit sailed remember or whatever. it doesnt even matter. i held onto you and begged someone for the bare minimum and you made it the end of the world. couldnt communicate for shit. you did anything and everything you wanted to. i was 2nd to SOMETHING. i never expected any sort of treatment to be honest and you made me feel so loved and heard. yeah, i may have gotten jealous but i told you from the start it would take some time for both of us to unlearn our toxic ways and it looks like i did pretty well with mine. i kinda see how you act is how you feel about me. days without talking, never making time for me, always doing things to make me jealous. and i still stayed and did my best to be there for you. through it all. and you can say you hate me all you want, because i got mad and posted some dumb shit on tumblr LOL what more do i have to lose? youre already gone lmfao. you already hate me because thats always what you do. i was not the one you wanted and you searched far and wide for any reason to distance yourself from me. fuck, i even tried to be yo friend for the time being and still. it doesnt fucking matter bro, im tired. already on my way out. this was my light at the end of the tunnel and i tried to squeeze the rope a little bit tighter because i didnt want to let go.

but you loved me right? after all the nasty things you've said about me and to me? but you want me to believe you actually liked me? i get it, im ugly, short, fucked up face, but god damn bro. but at the end of the day, can you look me in the eyes and say you love me? fuck no.

[tauremornalome]

jc/lwj? this had not occurred to me but i'm thinking about it now and i am Intrigued. it seems extremely sad, which i like about it.

disclaimer, i am Really Bad at talking about things i like in fiction because dhdgsjdhdj Words Difficult (and also its almost 2 am rn)

BUT aaaaa yes!! extremely sad and angry, both of them. excellent mixture. let them argue and also kiss about it.

imagine you are jiang cheng and you lost Everything and you have like 3 relatively calm years to get your shit together. your sect, kinda isolated from others by the fact that you are not sworn bros with 3zun. your nephew, who is a baby and then a toddler and whose existence reminds you about everything you've lost. your own emotions - haha, good luck getting that in order lmao. for the expected period of time (or maybe a lil longer) you wear mourning robes, ONLY for your SISTER of-FUCKING-course (and you will whip anyone who suggests that you might be also maybe grieving wei wuxian).

also you saved that spooky flute and you rlly don't know what to do with it so you Repress Emotions Even Harder. and maybe hope someones gonna come and collect it (someone whos NOT jin guangyao, that lil snake. fuck off jin guangyao you are NOT getting yiling patriarch's flute. Stop Breaking Into My Chambers And Trying To Steal It)

and then. and then lan FUCKING wangji leaves his seclusion in Dramatic and also Very Fashionable Mourning Robes and you are like, ohhh master lan did someone die at the cloud recesses?? but wangji shoots you The Glare and of course you know who he is mourning. and you try very hard not to lose ur patience, right, and you wait for him to like maybe Stop and Get Over It, come on. but he doesn't, and also looks at you like you should be ashamed for not doing the same as him.

(also wangjis got a kid now and you perhaps remember a toddler running around the burial mounds, and you listen to the lan clan go "oh yes its hanguang juns illegitimate son, mhm. his name is Lan Imissweiying" and you are like. HOW is anyone buying this dumb story)

Yeah now imagine you are lan zhan and There Is No More Joy In Your Life, Birth Is A Curse And Existence Is A Prison, and you leave your seclusion being still depressed as fuck, and theres that guy who basically kind of killed wei ying. and even if he didnt kill him he still, you know, attempted. so. and that guy is apparently now famous for hunting demonic cultivators for sport??? for who knows what purposes but rlly probably nothing good considering he's whipping them with sexy lightning whip. and you are like, hey, i am ALSO gonna hunt demonic cultivators. No I Dont Know What Imma Do With Them. maybe ill find wei ying, u kno, since i lost my purpose in life anyway.

for the record, jiang cheng is probably also not sure what for hes hunting demonic cultivators. he has NO idea what hes gonna do if he actually finds wei wuxian.

So they probably keep running into each other??? And being VERY pissed off about it. knowing jiang cheng hes gonna yell at lwj for everything Except nightless city, and knowing lan zhan hes gonna reply "mn. btw u killed wei ying" to every single sentence jc says to him.

Yeah look I AM WEAK and also i read way too much foe yay not to want this to turn into Angry Depressed Desperate Making Out, u kno.

so they are both angry, repressed and depressed and well dressed so they have sex about it instead of going to therapy and Somehow it helps. Not because of the Depression-Curing Dick trope which i hate but because they look at each other afterwards and go "uh, fuck, things have gotten REALLY bad if im sleeping with HIM to forget about it"

and then they probably have sex again and again because they are still fucking stupid

other thots i have about jc/lwj include:

- them begrudgingly working together to bring down some wwx impersonator while still hating each others guts

- jc confronting lwj about sizhui and the Dumbest Cover Story Ever

- idk yet im thinking bout this but i Really need a situation where its CRUCIAL that wangji uses musical cultivation but doesnt have his guqin bc some dumb reasons and jc is like, here, catch this and gives him freakin Chenqing and wangji wants to Murder him but plays the damn flute bc otherwise they are gonna die and as jc pointed out sizhui will be left alone in the world

- lwj IS DEFINITELY GONNA FIGURE OUT THE GOLDEN CORE THING come on. wangji is hurt or sth and jc uses spiritual energy to heal him and suddenly wangjiis like WAIT A MINUTE I KNOW THIS SPIRITUAL PATTERN WHATS GOING ON bonus points if hes like. Delirious and starts calling for wei ying and jiang cheng invents 23 new swearwords to let him know what he thinks about him

- jc at some point awkwardly tries to give chenqing to lan wajgji but lwj gives it back to him

yeah and at some point they Stop having sex about it, and they both kind of.... Calm Down, and wangji is still wearing the mourning robes but hes less obnoxious about it, and jiang cheng still whips ppl but now he has a better idea of what hes gonna do if he finds wei wuxian.

and they are... friends.... now? neither of them will say it out loud but like. They Are Friends Now.

and then when they are basically almost done with Unhealthy Grieving Mechanisms wei wuxian actually comes back to life and ????¿??¿??¿¿¿?? Fuck, thinks lan zhan. Fuck, thinks jiang cheng.

......ahem. SORRY, this has gotten slightly out of hand. Im Emotional about it.

theres one fic on ao3 that i really love and which expresses a lot of the things about this that i couldnt express; i will link it in the replies when i find it

-----

TL;DR they are both too angry and have their brains Fucked Up by wwx's death, they are not willing to go to therapy so they should at least kiss about it; also go read the fic i linked in the replies because its excellent

[planetjisungie]

détester- l.dh

characters; slytherin! haechan x gryffindor! reader ft. gryffindor! mark (its just a given at this point) and slytherin! jisung

summary; enemies to lovers, you and donghyuck had always just hated eachother. you dont know when it started, or why it started but it was starting to get annoying.

an; i WILL finish my hogwarts series tonight we only have chenle left but now we have more fluff than actual crack because simon says is playing

congratulations you have reached gryffindor level you lucky prick

only the finest gryffindor

you are the embodiment of courage, literally if there was a ditch and someone fell down while everyone was too scared to help them, youd dive in before they could even say ‘dumbledore’

and you just so happen to be the younger sister of mark lee

the infamous mark lee,, that is

lucky prick part 2

but one thing made you seem not so lucky

your sworn enemy, lee donghyuck

or haechan as he liked to be called because apparently all evil villains needed a fake name

thats what you said anyway, he just liked the name haechan for its meaning

but he was also the emodiment of a slytherin, ambitious, cunning, resourceful and he was a pretty damn good leader

hence him being the captain of the quidditch team (no we are not going down the jisung route)

you didnt actually know when you started hating him, in your first year he had just decided to tie your poor, poor cat like a pig for roasting (he was in his second year already)

mr snuggles was traumatized

after that day it was small things to annoy you

like when he put hair dye in your conditioner bottle, resulting in your hair turning out a seafoam green colour

which you actually didnt mind so the joke was really on him, you pulled that shit off

or when he put spiders in your school shoes

that was unpleasant

and he also put a cockroach in your pocket, scaring your poor best friend who was terrified of the creatures

jisung was shaking, he hates cockroaches

to this day you still didnt know why he was a slytherin, but you guessed it was because he was a pureblood, very ambitious and resourceful but not so scary

but today was no exception

you walked towards the gryffindor table, robe billowing behind you as if you were walking in a movie

you were a lee sibling, you were both good at literally everything and deserved all the praise on earth

you fucking go girl, i stan

jisung sat at your table, the gryffindors appeared not to mind, especially as he was actually super nice

"y/n haechan told me to give you this"

ah there it was

the small hufflepuff girl handed you the letter before scurrying off back to her table

"y/n im scared"

jisung was already frightened of what that letter would hold

and you were a good friend, who knew no good would come from that letter

so you shoved it in your pocket, letting it crumple up before turning back to your breakfast

rip donghyuck

that was a fat L for our boy

he just wanted your attention

at first at least, he just wanted to be noticed by you so he pulled the cat stunt, making sure he didn’t actually harm the creature because he is still a decent human being and the grey furry animal did nothing to him

but now he had taken things too far

and he realised that after the stunt he pulled which resulted in you

yes, you, the brave, courageous gryffindor, crying

yeah he fucked up

he casted an illusion spell that infiltrated your sleep, creating nightmares with your deepest fears

and he regretted that

prank gone wrong *nearly killed her* (not clickbait)

you were still pissed at him for that

but that letter in your pocket was no ordinary letter

it was a confession letter, because he; yes him, the infamous slytherin, was too scared to talk to you about it in person

yet you literally just crushed his heart

which he kinda deserved to be fair

but jisung sent you a grateful smile and you went back to your conversation of which cereal brand was better

the answer is obviously lucky charms or frosted shreddies pengers mate

so our baby slytherin needed to find another way to get his feelings across because he was failing

and brother mark was: not happy

mark was a friend of haechan but despite his complaints every goddamn time that he needed to stop his stupid jokes that weren’t actually jokes, he didnt listen

maybe he shouldve listened

mark knows best

apart from jenos fic, mark was a real bitch but this is mark 2.0

mark really doesnt know best

anyways moving on

its time for innovative hyuck™️

so its back to the drawing room, sitting next to yuta (his head boy) to discuss the next plan of action

cutie yuta felt that haechan opening up to him about his feelings was the biggest achievement during his time at hogwarts

so right, the next plan

it was to leave flowers on your bed and then when you turned around to see who put them there (hypothetically) he would be there and he could make his outstanding apology

but of course, this isnt some fanfiction where everything goes right

who do you take me for?

so later that day he gathered his flowers, tying them in a cute dark green ribbon

staying with the slytherin theme

and he put them on your bed

they were some seriously nice flowers

you noticed them as soon as you walked in and your heart swelled

unfortunately that wasnt the only thing that swelled

you were allergic to pollen, and your eyes had puffed up slightly, itching a little and you had some sniffles

that was another L for hyuck

and he ran, he fucking booked it out of his little hiding spot back to his common room aka the dungeon

"YUTA I FAILED"

"how the fuck do you fail giving someone flowers hyuck?"

"shes fucking allergic"

so you never found out who gave you flowers

but

but you did keep them, despite your obvious physical irritation to them

they were pretty :(((

so you pressed them into a random notebook you found, because seriously you couldnt just chuck them out

unfortunately for hyuck, he was not so slick to mark who narrowed his eyes on the boy

he knew something was up

what kind of torture device was flowers ?? this was too soft

and so he found out that the same boy who had been making your life a little

how should i say

s p i c y

had a fat crush on you and was just a pouty baby who wanted your love and attention

cute

mark didnt know whether to support this?? like ?? he knew that underneath your front of disliking the long legged boy, you had some feelings, maybe small but they were there

you wouldve called it fondness

because

i promise youre not a sadist or masochist

but you would see him in class

he was very focused and had a beautiful smile

and laugh

he may come across a little... stand offish and arrogant at first but hes actually a kind soul

from how he made a mess in the grand hall but when he thought everyone was gone, he stayed behind to help clean it, having fun conversations with the staff (elves? who tf cleans the great hall??)

that goddamn melodious laughter constantly ringing in your head

shawtys like a melody in my head

but moving on

you noticed the pranks he pull decreased

and that was because he was spending time with yuta and mark, planning the perfect, foolproof (unfortunately not jeno this time) way to confess

and he sent you small smiles ?? what ??

this is so unlike the hyuck you knew

like he did a 180

i did a full 180 baby crazy

i said this was gonna be less crackish but when regular comes on and you hear jaehyuns queso line you cant not feel qUirKy

(bbq- bb—s mY DIAMONDS I DONT NEED NO LIGHT TO SHINE- jungwoo)

okay so the next plan

you loved quidditch too, mainly because your brother was the captain for the gryffindor team

so the plan was for you to attend the slytherin v gryffindor match and

mark somewhat willingly agreed to have a friendly match so that hyuck could show off his skills

this was an awful plan

because it was raining the day of the match

so you and jisung huddled together for warmth, shivering as you watched the match

and hyuck couldnt feel worse, he felt like you were now going to be sick because of him

damn, you really couldnt catch a break

the groan of pure frustration yuta let out was amusing at least

he was just as invested in this as haechan at this point

like he was germinating a seed??? he was fathering this relationship

so with another L, haechan felt super super bad

and this baby cooked for you

he got his best friend jaemin to teach him how to make chicken soup

because you were actually not a herbivore

(thats the category i put vegans and vegetarians in)

omnivore tings

so he carried his little pot of soup, his fingers kind of burning as it was piping hot

he legit walked right past a suffering jisung in the slytherin dorm, the pot of soup still in hand not even sparing a thought about taking pity on the poor kid and giving him some

so he walked to your dorm, being let in by mark who was being big bro™️ and looking after your sick ass

you looked dead

pale skin, eyes closed, lips tinted blue, your body was shivering but you felt fucking boiling

peak peak times

but haechan still thought you looked gorgeous

mark vacated the dorms, leaving to his lessons so hyuck could look after you

this wasnt a plan ?? but hyuck rolled with it

setting his lil pot down he sat in a seat next to you, staring at your asleep awake form with closed eyes

his eyes held so much love and adoration for you, you really are lucky

he took off his robe, just sitting there in his shirt, trousers and green tie and watching you sleep

you were actually awake, just vibing and breathing to stay alive

and he had a lot on his chest

"i know ive been a massive prick to you and im really sorry. i know you’re asleep right now but im too much of a coward to say this to your face. i really only just wanted your attention because i seem to have feelings for you and i am sincerely sorry for going about it the wrong way"

your ears were {}

wide open

boy were you listening and taking this all in

oh shit

realizashun xx

so you fluttered your eyes open gently, watching his face morph into an expression of pure terror from his previous one of literal love

*whipping noise*

"youre awake!" he squeaked out, eyes darting around the room to look at anything but you

which you couldnt help but smile at

shifting to the side in your bed slightly, you lifted the covers, lazily patting the now open space

"c’mere"

your voice was kind of croaky and hoarse

that made hyuck feel guilty

baby it wasn’t your fault

but he complied, kicking off his leather school shoes and sliding besides you, staying as far away from you as possible

not to offend you, his heart was just going a million miles a second and there was no way you wouldn’t be able to hear it

this boy was like blushy sausage face part 2

arrogant hyuck has left the chat

you pouted seeing him shuffle away from you, shuffling to move yourself closer instead

power move, he either had to cuddle with you or fall off the bed

"can we just forget what i said earlier?"

that made you frown

the fuck?

hell no

"hyuck wait-"

"no dont bring it up its embarrassing"

whiny baby is back

"hyuck i-"

"nope nope nope nope"

"LET ME SPEAK FOR FUCKS SAKE"

he had no choice but to listen

your voice sounded strained already and he didnt want to make you feel worse

"i have feelings for you too you big baby"

double take

you what now?

haechans mouth just kinda froze open

so you shut his jaw gently

cant let him get jaw ache

"wait what?"

his soul has returned

he felt elated, completely happy, dare i say like he was high on a drug and said drug was not THC it was your TLC (LMAO GET IT IM PROUD OF THAT)

and so thats how mark returned to your dorm room to see you and hyuck cuddled in your bed, your head laying on his chest as his chin rested on your head, nuzzling into your hair (which was still half seafoam green might i add)

hyuck wasnt awake to celebrate, so yumark had their own small celebration, counting this as their success

you only found out he had put the flowers on your bed about two months after you started dating

a month after that you read the letter he gave you

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E3 LiveThoughts

Its Saterday and that means its time for everyones favorite post spam; Orca-mun bullshits about RWBY! And here we go.

On a personal note I barely ate anything today so my brain is jittery. I ate something before this of course but one does not solve low-food jitters instantly. So we’ll see how this goes.

Also the more that I hear the opening for this season the more I hear things that I have had Ash say before.  “The hope to change the world is just a childish dream”. It comes off in the song as kind of a poke at Ruby and her team, same way as how V3s opening was all about loosing and falling, but here I cant help but hear it in the voice of Ash, caustic and sarcastic, angry at the world for his own issues and putting it onto the “blind, naieve Huntress’s” Ironwood now has his team focused on.

Actually again, a lot of the song is talking about stuff that is probably coming up in the show. “The path we tried to avoid is already here”. “Path home is suddenly clear”. Basically hinting RWBYs going back to Vale at some point. But we knew that already.

And again, the part with time stopping while Cinder walks among the fighting reminds me of a shittier version of the I Know You trailer for Halo Wars 2.

And now the episode actually starts. Apperently, riding the pnumatic tubes does NOT instantly kill you. Im...half dissapointed. At the same time it makes sense, they seem to be fully sealed so. 

Doesnt seem like its fun though thats for sure.

Dear Blake; please stop being adorable.

Oh, and we get to see how Penny see’s the world too. Interseting. Wireframe with data...and shes unintentionally doing the Konami Code if Im not mistaken.

Also cool to see that the active camo semblance works exactly like Halo’s active camo, ergo; its bending light, not true invisibility, since you can JUST BARELY see the shimmer where they are.

And this moment is a painting I like to call; Five Lesbians and a Robot in an Elevator. Legit shocked Atlas doesnt have elevator music...

And we finally, FINALLY get some reference on the storm. Shorter Atlas trooper sayd “they cant get too close to that storm without getting shot out of the air”.  Okay...so Salem actually has defenses against airships? Couldnt they have SHOWN THAT?

Also, props to the female VA for sounding like AN ACTUAL FUCKING SOLDIER. “CO can get us some answers”...hell yeah. And then Nora’s randomly a dick for...no reason.

Penny’s finger has a scomplink just like in Star Wars.

And they didnt think to remove Peitro’s security clerance, alright then. Someones gonna know they were there though since she used his ID...but maybe thats part of the deal. They get in and get out fast.

Central Command is so dissapointingly small. I HATE IT. ITs two rows of consoles and like...8 dudes. No, wait...three rows? For a place this big it should be six times the size and look more like NASAs mission control.

Nice to have some data on how Ruby’s semblance works though. She apperently breaks herself down to her component molecules and negates her mass and HEY thats how I said Ash moved! DAMMIT RT

Also I guess Remnant follows SOME laws of physics.

NGL Blake is suddenly being a better character now that shes not held down by Yang. Might just be me though. 

“Busy” says Ironwood. In my head, the five minutes before this shot; EXECUTIONS EXECUTIONS ALL THE EXECUTIONS. MUCH PURGING, VERY CLEAN NOW.

Oh I LIVE for the sudden look of shock on Watt’s face. Bro KNOWS what Ironwood can do. That said, obviously hes going to turn on him because...duh. Its Watts. But hey, least hes a little afraid. Unless its an act.

His acid snark against Penny is refreshing. “Magic science project” indeed.

Oh, thats why hes so worried. FOUR DUDES AIMING GUNS AT HIM. Nice. 

CALLED IT

“Authorization granted to handle any threats with lethal force”. GOOD. 

Oh no, Nora’s got an idea now. Im worried.

I get the feeling the random office geek guy that Nora trips is someone from RTs office, hence the “#1 Dad/Dud” mug. Dumb

Home made sign. Really. REALLY.  UGH GOD DAMMIT RT. 

Funny sign though.  Also the scream from the tech is so fake its not even funny

Wow. For fuck sake. Thats how they get through. Seriously.

Seems I paused at the right moment. Blake is very confused about being inside Ruby.

Nice to see that Atlas follows OSHA regulations and has railings on its weird catwalks.

Hardlight forcefield door? Interesting. I guess May went off to steal an airship or something.

Also this is something I JUST remembered but I thought Johanna was the trans member. Actually thats May. So thats my bad.

HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT MINDJACK!

Why’re there holes on the base of Penny’s gloves...

No logiccal sense to half of Atlas’s tech, glad to see that hasnt changed any.

Blake is me when my dads working at his office and taking way to long to do anything.

Blah blah okay talk less do more shit. Character stuff BORES ME

Hm. Nora speaks the truth.

ANNNNDDD its the Ace Ops. Now lead by Hare.  ...no cuffs. No heavy equipment. No gas weaponry. Nothing. They know exactly how strong these people are and instead they show up with ALL OF THEIR OLD STUFF. Are you fucking serious.

STOP TALKING AND JUST KILL THEM ALREADY DAMMIT! Marrows comment is how I feel. But I think hes lying. As does he, I think.

I like how its Vine doing the talking, and that they start by trying to REASON with them. They’re scared. They know they might not win again.  They’re taking the cowards root. To no ones fucking shock.

UHHHGGGG all of this fukcing mind shit with Penny is really pissing me off.

Good, now the fighting starts. Thattttss why they;re on the platform.

Hey, actual teamwork out of the Aces, kinda. I guess their boss being dead helped.

Okay seriously how the HELL is she not fighting this easier? Shes a robot, surely she has predictive combat algorithms...

Man Marrows getting SHIT ON this fight.

Mmm. Hare thighs. I like

Weiss says the truth for once

And all the fancy work and fighting is ended simply by a beefy woman grabbing Penny. I like that honestly. Simplicity, brutality.

Wait never mind.

HAHAHAHAH OFF THE Wall and now she flies. No shock.

HAHAHAHAH YES

Good shit. Good work Marrow.

Well that works. JESUS FUCK Nora.

Yow they’re not DEAD. Excuse me

Oh look Nora’s...wow. Cool, scars.

Still mad Pennys swords are on wires, but hell. Wire funnels are wire funnels. Or would those be incoms? I dont quite remember the distinction.

Marrows quiet look is kinda sad. Oh good nora’s not dead.

But they are down a person and...ah. They’re letting them go. Death Star tactic.

New ship design, havent seen this one before. The whole top part opens which is interesting to me. And then she just GONE. 

Ah. So thats what they were doing. Cool.

Obviously gonna backfire, but hey, who knows. Maybe RT will surprise us.

Annnddd thats it for the show.

[autumn-foxfire]

Yeah horikoshi gets really fucking creepy with all that stuff. If you ask me i dont even care about what the consent age is, im a 22 year old and I would find it wierd to date someone whos 18 cuz like they are just out of high school they are babies. Like i instantly mistrust anyone who ships large age gaps (cough cough endhawks) n says but they are both adults

Like if one of them is just out of high school n the other is a grown ass working adult they are not on the same level

If one of them is a college age and the other is nearing their 50s they are not on the same level

It just stinks of someone who is a full adult fishing for someone younger to date because young ppl will put up with more shit than adults and are still rather impresionable so easier to make them exactly what you want. Basiclly if a middle aged person is hitting at a young adult think carefuly why they arent going for someone their own age who would have a lot more in common with them

In my opinion ppl should really sure how much expirience and life a character has behind them then just saying well its ok they are both adults when one person literally just left highschool

Sorry about that ranty age of consent ask it just pisses me off, i remember when i was reading this book n a pair had a six year difference

Now alarm bells might be going off but its kinda worse

I dont rememver correctly cuz i supressed it but im p sure these two met when one of them was 16 n the other was 10

Fucking ten

And then as soon as the younger one hits 17 (the other one being 23 now n having a job) immidietly the younger one starts flirting with the older in all kinds of sexual ways n the older is like uhoh hiw do i say no to this

n then they start dating n the older guys ex (who was his age) was all wierded out cuz he was dating a teen but somehow they just brush it off as soulmates or something????? bRO IF U KNOW THIS IS WRONG N ULL SAY ITS WRONG IN UR TEXT WHY DO U WRITE it

Anyway i stopped reading halfway through n never picked it up again despite the book being about gay werewolves aka it couldnt be more of my jam if it tried

A friendship broke on that book too cuz i went to vent to my friend cuz i was borderlune triggered n while i was trying to vent he kept saying oh but its not pedophila cuz the other guy is 17 n some just like it younger until i was like u know i cant deal with u rn n dropped him

I hope you don’t mind me adressing all of this in one ask!

Eh... Playing devils advocate here and as someone who is also 22 but living with a bunch of 18/19 year olds (I’m the oldest I think or second oldest as I know there’s another girl who’s 22 too) I can say that their really isn’t that much different in our maturity. I have more life experience then them, sure, but at this age they’re old enough to go to university and choose the degree they’re studying, vote and drink (in the UK) so they’re not exactly immature either. I don’t think we should underestimate 18 year olds.

However, I know 18 year olds can also be dumb. There’s probably a reason fresher week exists and that’s to allow these dumb 18 year olds to have their first taste of what true freedom is like but still get to act immaturely before they have to buckle down for university.

And so I probably wouldn’t be too uncomfortable with an 18 year old dating someone who is 22 but I’d probably get more uncomfortable as that age gap rises because the difference in experience continues to increase. But still, as adults it’s up to them who they get to date, we’ve just got to trust and support them (and maybe be there for them if it does end badly).

But I’m personally really uncomfortable with romantic ships like Endhawks for more then just the age gap because as you said, with the age gap come the gap in life experience too. Also Endeavor, as Hawks hero, has a power dynamic over Hawks that I’m not necessarily comfortable with (especially with Endeavor’s past history of abuse, even if I don’t think he would be abusive towards him) too and usually it’s a power dynamic you see a lot in age gap relationships (the older person being more “mature” and so the younger should listen to them which can be a recipe for disaster if the older person turns out to be abusive).

Also... that book, I can see why it makes you uncomfortable. The 17 year old doesn’t sound mature enough to be in a relationship with anyone, really (waiting until you age so you can flirt with someone rather then actually maturing and becoming your own person... It just sets a bad image). It’s strange though, say they lost contact but met each other when the younger was 20/21 and the older was 26/27, I wouldn’t have an issue with their relationship. I guess because the younger has reached a point where they’re completely classed as an adult and have more life experience behind them which won’t be too different from their older partner.

But as you said, the book seemed to acknowledge that the 17 year old teen wasn’t mature enough for his partner and people also were against the relationship because of the age different. While it’s not technically wrong, it just doesn’t seem like a right or healthy relationship.

I’m sorry to hear it affected a friendship with someone though.

[macklives]

session 63 end

okayyy. neat-fucking-o. thats done and boy OH FUCKING BOY i have a lot to say. and this is going to get mildly serious. sorry. theres a lot to uncover this session which basically is just one huge overall plot point. the whole timeline shindig. the thing that has messed me up for a few hours ngl.

man.... this is gonna be a long one. im not even exaggerating. (still, a tldr at the end)

so, the main thing besides from the time shindig plot, which is both important and essential and precious: DAVESPRITE <3 

k cool. ill expand on that throughout this whole note, but would rather like to make a whole analogy first before i do so.

so, to start off from last session, dave went back in time to fix jade and john’s death.

but i guess, from what ive read, GC never realized what she did was bad. she basically screwed everyone over and dave had to go back to fix things, which yes, does sound bad. but honestly? i dont think she really realized how bad it was until davesprite had the talk with her. and now they are both friends i take it, shocking development. but thats between davesprite, rather than dave himself so there may be two different views on how he sees GC. anyways, it was pretty bad. i wont just forget that. i love her character but she killed off two characters (who thankfully are now alive), making dave a sprite and future rose to just not exist anymore. or... well.... she does, but she seemed to have fused with PRESENT rose. which i guess we’ll figure out how that works the next time we see her. which will probably be on derse. 

but, tbh, GC wanted to apologize and felt bad about the whole situation. so im giving her the benefit of the doubt here.

now.. man...

can i take a second to analyze davesprite? and a little bit about the concept of john/dave’s friendship (just a tad)? ie the two greatest things in the world? thanks.

i think the thing that hit me the hardest was how davesprite (im calling him that to distinguish which dave im talking about but keep in mind i should be calling them both dave. but this makes it easier to write up.) well, davesprite explained how he’d continue to reset the timeline until john and jade are alive. which basically means he would use himself as a sacrifice to allow their survival. which ALSO means he cares more for them than he does himself. he’d throw his life away for them. he knew there was a possibility of him ceasing to exist if they reset the timeline again. he literally said it in such a nonchalant way that it makes me wonder how much his friends really mean to him. which in retrospect, is a lot. now pls keep this in mind for the next part.

now, dave also has so much appreciation towards himself. but not in the cocky way, of course. rather in the way that shows self love?? kinda?? like he genuinely wanted to hang with davesprite, brainstorm his comic and vice versa bc they both think their alt version is that cool. i know it should sound kinda narcissistic, but listen. a lot of people dont often appreciate themselves for who they are. and what i really want to emphasize on that here, is that this comes back to the whole putting himself before others thing. because that specific line i mentioned before is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. since dave thinks so highly of himself as a cool guy, rad dude, arent we so awesome type kid that he LITERALLY didnt care for his life in that one hot second. he made sure he was a pawn used to help out his friends rather than an actual human being who should worry about his life as well. he didnt care if he survived or not in the process of making sure everything was going alright. which is such a fucking leap from this whole self-respecting thing. its as if that didnt matter anymore. and that takes a fucking beating. that shows how much dave truly loves his friends. do you know how fucking BIG THAT WHOLE DEAL IS?

take john for example. dave didnt give two shits who the person on the other line was. he found out GC was the troll who killed john and basically threatened her with every inch of his life to make her back away from him. he knew what it would cause and said “fuck you” in bright and bold. all because he didnt want to see his friend die again. which? fair enough. and if we look back at the last session, god that could mess someone up. especially someone as young as 13. rose even got the worst end of the stick bc she flat out ceased to exist. but then again, thats in the same boat as jade/john. bc they all technically died. yet davesprite didnt. he remembers it. davesprite isnt just going to forget. he’s going to have surviver’s guilt for a long time, because being dave’s guide will forever be a reminder that he’s the version in the doomed timeline. he’s the only one who knows what happened, and he wont become the “true dave” in a sense that he’s now just considered “davesprite” and nothing more, since he cant just be dave since his timeline ended up fucked. not to mention he technically said he was fine with it, bc since it meant the others survived, he wouldnt care what happened to his life. even tho he should and it still probably hurts him idk. and that kills me a little. actually, more than a little. this is personally the most gut wrenching scene in homestuck (but i may just be speculating too much). but that wont stop him from helping dave and giving him all the answer, and also protecting john with everything he has.

and, man, i feel as if he’s gonna be such a good guide for dave. he already gave him the loot, the rundown and is very open about questions dave already has because he knows how tough it probably is to have a shitty guide. considering he was stuck with calsprite for 4 months. so obviously he’s going to help as much as possible. since he probably had little to none and didnt learn as much as he should have through the course of sburb. but now, as a guide, he can easily access all the info he lost during the pathway of his timeline. and share it with dave so he doesn’t struggle and actually completes the game rather than end up in a doomed timeline like himself.

but yes. dave’s blatant adoration for john basically saved them both in a way. and it seems as if its a little mutual considering john told dave he’d always believe him no matter what in the end. how he reconsidered everything, remembered the note and realized how good their friendship is to just give it up like that. and then vice versa. dave couldnt continue on the game without him or jade, so he went back in time. and showed his pissed-off protective side in order to save john again. which warms my heart bc they both mean so much to each other. and both got each other super sentimental gifts and wrote each other such touching cards.

and thats a good way to end the session, i think.

so there we have it. ive never wanted to hug a character so bad than i do with davesprite. i just hope everyone at least acknowledges him in some way, and gives him some amount of respect for what he did for everybody. ive only met him for like 10 pages, but i think he’s the most emotional character so far. and i guess since he’s dave himself, and i feel for dave based on his situation with bro, its safe to say i would protect him with my life. which i dont want to be *that* person but hey, its true. its just that he’s been through so much bullshit, and davesprite is the only survivor of his timeline, always will be reminded of it whenever he sees dave/john/rose/jade playing the game, is now a fucking sprite who wont be able to live his own path but just be a guide and god, i feel for him. i really do.

i shouldnt have written such a long note about davesprite.. but his whole story as to how he became a thing really got to me, alright?

i should write a tldr, cool. here yall go; i actually love davesprite, he’s been through some shit and he deserves hells of respect. GC is forgiven and we’ll find out next time how both version of rose.. fused together? 

[sixcastappreciation]

sixcago gave me my gay rights

alternative title: review of the evening sixcago show on july third

this is like almost 4k and its mostly just rambling but i need to express how much i love sixcago

like at least half of this is just me being gay so i bolded some of the things that i found really interesting and isnt just me like, freaking out

so to start off: holy shit. the energy of the entire show was amazing, it was really funny and fun and the acting/dancing/singing was on point like i cant think of a single complaint on the part of any of them.

so to get into the actual show

ex wives

when the curtain came up and the smoke started pouring out i actually felt my soul leave my body it was such a good moment

less than thirty seconds in brittney mack made eye contact with me and i swear to god my heart stopped and i honestly had trouble focusing on the rest of the song

i am not exaggerating that is the whole truth and nothing but the truth

shes............. literally so good im still shaking as i write this like three hours later

the third repetition of the rhyme where they all sound kinda pissed off? they nailed that

adrianna was so cute when she said “you wont try that again”

andrea holy shit. thats really a wrap on that

abby got that like, kinda head in the clouds thing that i feel like is janes Brand during this part

when he saw my portrait he was like JaaAAaaa

i love brittney mack

courtney knew what she was doing with that prick line. get it girl

anna has the most angelic voice i swear to god

the six of them work really well together on stage???? like i know its all choreo and stuff but you could Feel the energy that they had together it was good

oh man the choreo for the end. im so gay

intro thingy:

adrianna with that riff!!!!! we stan

annas face after “herstory” was iconic. she knew what she had done wrong

you couldnt hear the intro for maggie bc people were cheering so loud

the way adrianna says maria made me gay

abby also knows what she had to say. she knows how cursed janes sense of humor is and she was really playing it up

protestent............ protestant

“we’ll tell you what you want what you really really want” this made me laugh so hard i dont rly remember the next like thirty seconds because i was dying

“the biggest.... the firmest......... the fullest..............” im. i cant

no way

“maria” AGAIN adrianna please. please i cant handle it

“OH muy bien aHHah” not to be Lesbian On Main but fuck this was so cute

her emotion during the monologue was SO funny

it was peak, it was so good

she really gets it. i dont totally know what it is but this aragon monologue gets it

when she said “really trying” she did like, a motion. i cant go into more detail but Fuck

so after “move me into a convent” everyone like, gathered around aragon and adrianna did a

well idk what youd call it but a like

her entire torso swung around in a huge circle right before “i dont think i’d look that good in a wimple”

and idk what it was but that part just made me Lose It

adrianna had this way of making it all a little funnier?

like catherine is usually pretty Serious, i think but it felt like adrianna knew she was playing a character who was Like That, if you will, and was kinda leaning into breaking the fourth wall a little

i can probably elaborate if that doesnt make sense

you say its a pity cos quoting leviticus ill end up kiddiless all my life

she said that with such conviction goddamn

oh, he doesnt remember

this was so good

the “sh-”s were really funny

the fucking. i dont know what it is but the *ting*

holy shit

i cant put into words

how much i loved that part

the pause after “i’ll go” was............ expansive

i just checked it was 10 whole seconds

that doesnt sound long but it felt like forever

she went high on “end of my life” and thank u for mine adrianna hicks

the amount of no’s was impressive and im heart eyes for it

adrianna just had really good stage presence

like i caught myself looking at her during the dance breaks of all the songs when i wasnt looking at brittney

it was just so fun to watch her go!

dluh

during the intro of like “yeah, you know, the really important one” andrea was doing some Dumb Shit in the background

like i dont know exactly what it was but she was just like

idk like noodling around in the back

and i caught her eye and she like, smiled a little

the gasps the rest of them did were....... cute

then andrea busted out a full on fucking witches cackle

then she stuck her tongue out and looked like she was taking a selfie and it was so cute

like, her tongue was OUT

“not my thing” had the BIGGEST uwu energy of anything ive ever heard

i thought people were kidding when they said andrea boleyn had uwu energy

they were not

pret a manger barely came across as a real line it was more like, an experience

the sorry not sorry choreo. its so funny and cute and simultaneously cursed

the way andrea delivered her lines here was just

it was like, cutesy and fun but also kind of cursed

uwu

when she said “are you blind” andrea like, gestured to herself, in a like “look how hot i am” kinda way

which might be the standard? either way it made me laugh a lot

don’t be bitter/cos im fitter was the only line in the entire production said with a british accent and it fucking slayed me on sight one hit ko

i actually like that they changed “mate, what was i meant to do” to “wait, what was i meant to do” because

it implies that anne had no other train of thought than the one she was on and thats very funny to me

i think it fits w andreas portrayal too

everyone was like, fake crying when anne fake walked down the aisle and it was really funny imo

and as soon as she got to the end anne like, turned, yk?

bro just shut up

the entire audience gasped after that

andrea had actual like, panic on her face

then she led into “i guess he just really liked my head”

and there was a beat after that, where everyone laughed

it was long enough that everyone got the joke

then she mimed the blow job

her riff on “hell”? iconic

“wait, didnt you actually die” no jane she was beheaded but she was fine

abby seymour said dumbass rights she has the Dumbest Bitch energy god

“catherine of aragon had tragically died” catch adrianna looking like, yeah it was so sad for me, how terrible, right?

then boleyn goes off

the. fury, passion, anger, zest, contained in andreas “MASSIVE-”

“over my dead body” andrea gave her this look like, youre damn right it will be

heart of stone

oof

okay so the monologue

oof

“i was lucky. okay, i was really lucky” o o f

“edwina” is still cursed tho

i dont know what it was about this. i dont know if it was abby, or the dialogue, or just it being live but

this made it clear that jane had been Through It

like, this monologue came across (to me at least) as unquestionably a “woman who was abused trying to justify it to herself” kind of situation

“and that’s not because i was scared,” she said, wearing an absolutely terrified expression

this is where she started tearing up i think

okay i gotta take a moment here because

abby was fully crying before the song even started

like somewhere about halfway through her monologue she started tearing up

i was looking for it specifically

i wrote this before the last part so see above

so by the first fucking like of hos you could hear her voice breaking

holy shit ms meuller what the fuck

im not kidding who gave her the right

at the stagedoor she said that after this she was like, “well thats it for my makeup” when someone complimented her song

she is crying. the first chorus and she is actively crying. in the breaks between her lyrics you can hear her crying

abby went high on a couple of notes in here

she riffed on “truthfully” and it was, wow

she didnt go for the whistle tones which was, honestly? the most relatable thing in this entire show

but a couple of the other notes she went high on and they were so killer

there was a second or two of pause after the end where everyone just, absorbed things before the applause

i have some questions for abby about this actually because i dont know if its just because the monologue was different than im used to but

i just want to know if abby meant to have everything come off like That but god

the mental gymnastics jane is doing here are so intense

this performance genuinely changed how i listen to hos forever

i dont think i can ever peacefully listen to this song again

this song gave me so many layered emotions thank u abby mueller

haus of holbein

hans................................. *holbein*

the chaos

i honestly barely remember most of it it was

i had no idea who to be looking at

but i remember it being beautiful

i dont have the words to express how

fucking funny it was

the accents were hilarious

like they werent great german accents, but that made it far better

they were leaning into the ridiculousness of it all

the way abby said “but we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty” had me on the ground

ive spent the last 24 hrs trying to figure out exactly why it was so funny and i think i got it

she dropped the german accent

and she straight up sounded like she was reading off the side effects of a pharmaceutical ad on tv

the freeze frame? legendary

anna and courtney (im pretty sure?) managed to look so genuinely offended that henry swiped left on them

your highness your highness your highness

god adrianna please

actually every h sound that came out of their mouths

but adrianna Got It

get down

oh god i gotta talk about “didnt live up to his expectations”

brittney like, half took off her jacket and gestured to her body and like, body rolled a bit and honestly? i was fucking dead

the sarcasm really jumped out here. brittney went off in the best way possible

she was fully fake sobbing right before “tragic”

fucking legend

brING me some pheasant!

the woof line is always a good moment but their facial expressions really made it work here

this song has the most outwardly complex choreo (ofc i cant speak to its actual difficulty) and every single one of them crushed it

brittney made eye contact w me again on “looking cute” and im deceased

oh god after “take my fur” she whispered “thank you. honestly” and gestured to herself again and like, i was dying

iirc brittney was like, skipping across the stage or something on “i look more rad” and snapped into position for “lutheranism”

we gotta take a moment to appreciate the operatic talent of that one “get down you dirty rascal” instead of the slo mo

like, ofc the slo mo is a good moment but

brittney went full opera and it was,

wow

shes got a voice on her holy shit

so much talent in such a tiny body

aCHYEAH

she picked the person sitting next to me to dance w her and

they did their cute little dance thing and then brittney gestured like, go sit down, and the person did, then stood back up and started dancing again

not like, in a bad way i dont think

it was super fuckin funny and after the song brittney was like “oh that was cute you think youre funny”

but i heard them talking at the stagedoor and like, brittney was chill it wasnt like a violation of anything

im not explaining it very well but it was really funny in person

everything about her on stage was just, so enrapturing

i dont have too many specific notes about this song because it would probably turn into just, me being gay, which is enough of this already

anyway! get down was good brittney mack is a stellar cleves

her fake crying is next level tho

the confrontation

boleyn, unprompted: i lost my head!

the beheaded cousins high fived after “nice neck” and like, stuck out their necks a bit it was so funny

seymours “i died”

we all know abby is gonna kill her line delivery

but GOD

and then after, she like, realized what she had said and struck a pose like, shit please still think im regal

the line itself was actually pretty, uhhhh, sad

theres something about boleyn roasting khoward in andreas voice

courtney with that “and your songs” had perfect timing

also “when will justice be SERVED” had such good punch to it

after she did that she like

rubbed her hand on janes face

and abby looked SO offended

theres something so, sincere about courtneys delivery of her roasts that i hadnt been getting and its SO much funnier to me

i forget exactly where but at some point boleyn aragon and howard were arguing

and in the background it really looked like seymour and cleves were having a normal conversation and i lost it like. they were just chattin

there were a couple moments of like, cleves and seymour interacting and it was interesting

aywd

courtney! mack! took! no! prisoners!

jesus christ

okay so i dont know if other howards do this or if it was just because i was seeing it live and up close and that made the difference but

for me the most compelling part of this howard was the fear

like yes there was the sadness/anger/etc like there was good emotion but

from the “he says we have a connection” re: henry, and then on, everything about courtneys body language just screamed that she was afraid

idk i might expand on this in a separate post because its a darker topic but yeah. holy shit that was emotional

not a single person clapped after the last line. they all waited until after “yeah, and then i was beheaded” before clapping

like the theater was dead silent. DEAD silent

it was like, so haunting because it was just courtney on stage at that point, with just the white spotlight on her, it was a Moment

im not sure i have the heart right now to get too deep into this

if it would be particularly interesting to anyone feel free to ask, im happy to get more into it but idk its just Emotional

actually this is already so long ima go for it

so on each “we have a connection” it was uhhhh parr and aragon (i think) who each put a hand on like, her clavicle

and for the first two verses she grabbed one of the hands and was like, flirty? ig

but on the one about henry seymour also put a hand around her waist and she like

she freaked out

and listening back to the audio i can

unpopular opinion perhaps but the actual emotion of her on stage didnt come thru in the audio

because it was so physical

like you could see how scared she was

which made it more relateable to me honestly

like she looked so so scared

it was heartbreaking

the confrontation part ii

oh BOOH OO MISTERESSES

“okay catherine, babes” is CUTE fight me

anna looked like, progressively more concerned as that beat went on, and then she just kinda like, deflated? it was really funny tbh

idk her parr feels Different than the parr im used to

during “oh im catherine parr i draw the line in arbitrary places” courtney was playing with her hair it was hashtag cute

BACKING VOCALS RIP CATHY PARR

idnyl

a cute little b flat major 7

yeah anna parr seems

hmm

she seems like she’s just, over henry

like from the start she just has no time for him

idk im Conceptualizing

anna uzele is

her voice is next level

she put survived in the “got married to the king became the one who survived” in air quotes which i think is an interesting note

anna got really physically into the “remember that...” bit of it and everyone in the back was also having a good time with it it was Good

andrea. she stuck her pointer finger between two of her other fingers on her other hand for the “my sixth finger” line and it was SO funny

khoward keeping aragon in line was

not the hot take i was expecting but nevertheless the one we deserved

both for “dissolution of the monasteries” and “well actually”

idk it was a cute character moment

one of *unsure, disgusted, vaguely annoyed* siiiIIIiix

abby was right in front of me and she looked SO uncomf

yeah, i read

iconique

andrea like, threw her head back for this line

the pause after “theres not much we can do about it now” is

painfully long and so so so funny

i was only really looking at brittney but she was like, arms down head up no body language it was SO funny

also her “yeah?” ended my life

she raised the mic up to her mouth while not moving an inch of the rest of her body

the part where they get all meta. has me dead

it was about halfway through this second part that i realized cleves had her coat back. i dont know when that happened. if anyone else knows when exactly anna of cleves gets her coat back after it gets taken off in get down please tell me. i genuinely want to know

this actually distracted me

i got vibes that they genuinely hated henry during this part

first off, mood

secondly, good

annas riffing. god.

she is so talented

dsfjksdf they all straight up left

six

the opening moment is really sweet and kinda funny

abby again killing it with janes cursed lines

courtney howard is actually so cute

when shes not being heartbreakingly sad that is

like her “bye!” was so cute

theyre all so supportive of each other its very cute

megasix

adrianna and abby both looked into my camera and like, i died

at the end anna and brittney were doing some dumb shit as they walked off stage and it was SO cute

after the show

i went to the stagedoor and it was a really fun experience! ive never done that before

it seemed like everyone was being pretty respectful and stuff, thank u six fans for being sane

i got four signatures on my program dklfjsldfjds

abby was such a sweetheart, we actually talked a tiny bit

i told her i loved her line delivery (because uhhhhhh i do) and she said that she tries to get in that comedic timing when she has Those Lines and like yeah

she was seriously the nicest

the ladies in waiting came out as well and everyone cheered for them and lets be real they DESERVE it

lemme sidebar here actually and talk about the ladies in waiting because

they killed it

bessie on the bass was living her best life at literally all times

brittney was also super sweet! i told her she had good energy (because uhhhhhh she does) and she was very nice about it!!!

i didnt really talk to anna or andrea but i got their signatures!

also speaking of my program im still losing my mind over “remembered for: headlessness” and “remembered for: staying alive”

thank u sixcago program

in conclusion! this was such a great+special experience!!! all of the actors were incredible, it was so wonderful

im also not claiming any of this stuff was unique to this performance or to sixcago in general this was just the stuff i noticed as i was watching it. if you clown on this post ill end u

[hisoillu-prompts]

Really long: Dragon AU

(sorry about paragraphs that seem rambly, this was me throwing ideas together. A fic that I was going to write but never got to it but it NEEDS to be made)

In which Hisoka is a dragon that terrorizes the kingdom of the Zoldycks, stealing livestock from farms, burning down towns, and killing all of their strongest warriors, including the ones sent to kill him. A truly fearsome beast indeed. 

They try to arrange for like a meeting with him but he doesnt show up the first time. Of course, the Zoldycks get pissed and Kikyo would throw a fit because how dare that vile creature, but they would call him again and again and just out of one part boredom and one part annoyance, hisoka would show up. Of course, despite how irritated they are, the two heads(most Silva since Kikyo is still internally fuming) would try to negotiate. But although interested in the gold they offered, Hisoka declines everything(as he does what he does for entertainment).

They ask him what he wants. He seems to think for a bit before asking for the whole household to gather in front of him. After looking, he picks killuia(that white haired kid of yours) since he thought he'll be the strongest/have the most potential(so they can fight lol). He doesnt really notice Illumi because he was kinda in a corner and is basically a shadow(as always), but Kikyo offers up illumi instead(he's my oldest[son]) because of course Hisoka cant take the heir- and Hisoka is would just be like 'eh sure he should be pretty strong too' and decides to let killuia 'ripen'. 

-a kinda transgression by having it sort of from the servants point of view? like 'the eldest prince, Illumi, was very...strange, even in his particularly weird  family. (Mention how he was like robot, empty dark home eyes, almost no emotion, follows orders, has a terrible empty aura kinda feeling, and is creepily good at fighting and killing) i have no idea im sorry

But when he actually gets Illumi the next day or something he's kinda like 'oh u arent scared' and Illumis like 'nah. Now what do u wanna do with me like srsly'

Illumi really longs for his house at first and is sort of at a loss at what to do without any orders, so he kinda just sits around and misses his bed and waits for Hisoka to get back or something. He’s glad that he was taken in place of killuia, as long as his family(and heir) were safe. 

-He eventually adjust, realizing that the silence in the cave really wasnt that new or different than in the castle

-Hisoka terrorizes a new town instead to make up his part of the bargain(although he goes back in his human form to see whats up sometimes) and its like most of the time he would just walk around in his human form as it was more convenient to fight people and yet not get him kicked out/ have to deal with the bother of people shouting at him for being a dragon and waving pitchforks and stuff, but he was kinda going for a chillaxing time when he decided to dragon form wreck Illumis kingdom. He had heard that it was a very strong kingdom of assassins, fairly famous, and he had decided to blow off some steam fighting, and he wasn't disappointed. Much.But anyway Illumi's kingdom was a little out of the way for him, he had to take longer time to reach there, the mountainous kingdom. Dragons all had one cave, unless they wanted to move their treasures to another one/ had another cave just for other treasures. His cave took almost 7/9 hours to fly to from the Zoldyck kingdom, and dragons flew pretty fast.

The Zoldyck family of assassins are basically a miniature kingdom, small with a town underneath their mountain that they protect. The town is relatively normal, with most everyone looking up to the deadly family looking after them. But there are some that try to train to become assassins with the zoldycks as inspiration(maybe they sponsor an assassin guild for the smaller kills they dont bother wasting time with).

-A random asshole villager dude saw illumi in town once with a disguise(as a female) and fell in ‘love’ and trains to be an assassin to rescue her(him) from the dragon. Inwardly he also wants to get into the zoldyck family as well, thinking he can if he impresses them with his rescue of illu and then marrying 'her'. Access to all that wealth and power made one considered untouchable. Illu is disgusted when he hears about this and claims that such a weakling wouldnt last a second in the presence of him nor his family.

-Anyway They both go to town together sometimes. In disguises of course, or if Illumi needs groceries

-eventually they just fall into an easy pattern and be friends and include a scene where Hisokas like 'alright Illu get ready another knight is here to rescue you(because they think you're a girl cough cough) and Illumis kinda just reading a book and letting out the occasional 'frightened(more like monotone) scream from his 'prison'(a giant birdcage cuz Hisoka is flashy as fuck) and the knight is kinda like 'ok that didnt sound like a very convincing scream/her voice isnt that great but i heard her beauty was astounding' -anyway so like Hisoka fuckin rekts him of course and one time a knight actually goes "RELEASE PRINCESS ILLUMI' and Hisoka smirks and Illumi twitches and after the knight is turned into crisps Hisoka turns to Illumi with a shit eating grin like "so i guess youre a princess. You never told me.."And Illumis just like fuck you

(very optional/not really fitting angst)

angst in how Kikyo gave up Illumi(the eldest. The strongest of the children. The one whos been with her the longest.) for Killuia, proving that she cared about him more. 'Or maybe it was because he was older, and this was just one of his responsibilities. But he couldn't help the foreign feeling of something shallowly sinking in his chest' Illumi still is kinda obsessed with Kil, but its more because he was suppose to be the heir and also Mil was kinda a bad child and Illumi actually was lonely so kil played with him a lot but their relationship slowly twisted into a sort of love hate for Illumi. Because even though he didnt care too much about the crown, he did care for his family. Although he wouldnt admit it; and his training refused to show a slip in his mask, Illumi did feel strangely empty when his family rained affection on Kil and only turned to him with orders on their lips. But no it couldnt be jealousy, no WAY would he be jealous of his younger bro! Hahaha! (Just keep telling yourself that, Ill)

(optional random angst end)

-Hisoka considers Illumi part of his 'treasure'/hoard and as all dragons are, he is fiercely protective of his hoard. Not that any thief could make it past Illumi, much less hurt him too much.

-when people describe illumi as 'beautiful and skilled' everyone always assumes that 1. Illu is a woman, and 2, 'skilled' meant as in embroidery or the such. Not in fighting/killing/assassinating. Not that he cant do embroidery because fuck yeah he can and frick yeah does it look good.So everyone is surprised when they see him decked out in armor with a blade pointed at their throat

-illumi like dies or almost dies and is turned into a dragon? Very rare, something about dragons being magical beings - anything can happen blah blah hisoka’s magic dragon magic infused into his body and now he’s filled with dragon magic that his strong will and body and mind turned into his own magic (i dont know where this idea came from, or really how else to explain it- just that past me had a good idea in mind that I now can’t remember)

-sleek, completely black dragon with blue gleam in scales if light hit them just right and sharp, wicked spines/spikes. All sharp angles and sharp lines, like any move can cut someone into ribbons. Deadly. He made hisoka, who was by no means a cuddly looking dragon, look almost soft-but despite misleading appearances, hisoka was definitely the more dangerous. What he lacked in looks he made up for in sheer brute strength and cunning.maybe stronger fire range too.

- illumi breathes blue flames, much much hotter. But small range. And could not stay in dragon form for long since originally human and originally not his dragon magic(it was like oxygen, reusable, but still limited).  Both of them had hard scales

If you looked carefully, you could tell. Hisoka was taller, bigger, you could see muscles rippling through every limb. Illumi lurked more in the shadows, looking slightly bored. .

[missjackil]

A Dose of SPN Positivity!

For those who know me, they know I love this show.... flaws and all! im critical sometimes, but not overly. Bottom line, I am addicted to the story and Im in love with Sam and Dean.  With Season 14 about to start, and we’re all getting antsy, too much negativity has been flying around, so I want to share some things i love most about the show, and maybe make some of you reflect for a moment and think “Yeah, that is pretty great” and smile.  Supernatural has been referred to as “The Little Show That Could” and to me, its such a fitting description. Logically, on the surface, it looks like it just can’t. I mean, how can a fantasy/horror show, survive with such a low budget, light special effects, and not very scary most of the time. I mean hell, they dont even have that many monsters that look like monsters, so why has it lasted longer than a season or 2? Let alone, 14 seasons with no signs of stopping yet. First and foremost is obvious. Sam and Dean and the actors who play them.  This essay will be full of gushing about these boys, so if you dont feel like enduring such a hardship, scroll on past. if that interests you.....

Yes these 2 fabulous men are the life blood of this show. Without them, we’d have nothing. THEY are the reason, this little show can, and does. Even those who like one and not the other, even if they dont realize it, the one they prefer is who they are because of the other. Both of their qualities and flaws can be directly linked to their influence on each other. If for some reason the other was gone for good, the one left will change drastically. As we see when one is dead or in grave danger, albeit temporarily, the other changes. Sam is no longer sweet, laid back and practical, and Dean is no longer funny, charming, and nurturing.  In fact, they both seem to become an amplified version of their brother. When Sam dies, Dean gets quiet, sometimes too quiet. He also gets methodical and focused. You may get lucky and just get shot in the back, but if he chooses to speak, he chooses his words to let you know shits gonna hit the fan. “You have my brother, and you have one chance, just one, to hand him over, and if he isnt in one peice, when I find you, and I WILL find you, I will take you apart” Sam on the other hand is boiling over with emotion. My boy becomes savage. He doesnt always choose a lot of words to say, he gets his whole point across most of the time with “WHERES MY BROTHER???!!!!” This... my friends, is good stuff! These things couldnt be done with such beauty without Jared and Jensen. Their offscreen relationship, whatever it may be, is wonderful. Theres no denying the love and respect they have for each other. They are very supportive of each other, and help make the other better at their job. They’re not typical actors who have a work relationship but otherwise spend time with each other. They genuinely enjoy being together, and this shows on screen. When two people are this good at their jobs, and with each other, you just have to keep watching. Other things I love about the show, are kinda small. Some maybe youve never noticed, but maybe now you will and enjoy them too, like... Brains vs Brawn: At first glance, we all go Sam=brains, Dean=brawn right? But thats not actually the case. Dean is far from stupid, and Sam is nowheres near a wimp. Dean teases Sam about being a nerd, and Sam doesnt mind, he kinda wears his nerdiness like a badge of honor. Dean will never admit to being a nerd, but he is. He’s read Vonnegut, knows every old west cowboy statistic, and likes LARPing. Sam, though a bookworm, is one tough mofo. hes tall and muscular and has shown to be a little freakishly strong. He can also take a great deal of pain. And though Dean is known more to be the fighter, he can be very warm and nurturing. And nerdy Sam can make you shit your pants with just a look if you piss him off just right. I absolutely LOVE this balance!! Its one of my favorite things! Old school vs New; A lot has changed in 14 seasons. The brothers have grown, as well as the story, but their roots are never forgotten. They’re still driving around in the same car. Hell. Baby has become the 3rd lead! Even though they have mom back, they never forgot her, or dad, and both were spoken of often throughout the series. They refer back to old days often, so we can all get a feel of nostalgia when we remember too. Most episodes bring the deep past up in one way or another, I love this! Loss and Death: I know so many of us complain that they die and come back too much, but I have a real appreciation for it, The circumstances are always different, and so are the methonds of coming back. Sometimes the death isnt serious, or they dont “seem” dead, like in First Blood or Dark Side of the Moon, when there may have been an initial “wtf?” we got to see them in heaven, and in first blood, they came right back. However there was deep seriousness in All Hell Breaks Loose, No Rest for the Wicked,  Do You Believe in Miracles, Swan Song, Red Meat and Beat The Devil that you felt the dying brother’s physical pain, and then the emotional pain of the surviving brother.  No matter how many times they die, they still hit these types of episodes out of the park. WE may know theyre coming back, but they dont. it still crushes them and I love this! Sam and Dean’s Sexuality: I love that their sexual natures are different, but theyre both okay. Dean is sexually active, enjoys porn and vocalizes some fantasies, Though Sam can tease him a little, its just brotherly ribbing, its not judgemental or trying to make Dean feel bad. Sam isnt overly sexual, he’s gone many seasons without sex at all. He doesnt appear to enjoy porn, we know he doesnt like strip clubs, and its NOT because he’s unattractive!! Dean teases him but he doesnt try to make him feel bad. When he has heavily suggested that Sam get laid, its just because he wants him to have fun. Dean even said he appreciated that Sam wanted to stay pure and waited. Otherwise, its okay that Sam is (at least kinda) asexual. Neither are shunned or judged because of their sexuality. Winsync: This is one of the greatest things. if they didnt do this, we wouldnt care, we would never say “It would be a much better show if the brothers mirrored each other, or did the same thing at the same time” but for whatever reason, TPTB wanted this, and it works so well! Its an intimacy we can see without the show going OTT bromantic. Its the connection, the closeness, and being soulmates. I LOVE this! Soulmates and Brothers: Normally a show will make soulmates out of lovers. It’s not often they do it with siblings. It helps justify their deep love and devotion. It adds an additional layer to their relationship. It makes them so tied together that they will share eternity in heaven together, and not just in their memories. This was a very good decision made by Kripke and crew, so we will all know they cant live without each other, even if they just lived in different homes. I love this! Meta Madness: Though I dont like all the meta episodes, I do love the fact they can do them, and DO do them. Because the whole premise is the supernatural, nothing is impossible, even AUs and cartoon worlds. Sometimes I might roll my eyes, but its awesome to me that they can experiment this way and see how it goes. I Love this!! The Bros are Oblivious: Sam and Dean have been through basically everything, and have seen and done everything, yet they seem shocked when people say theyre famous, or when they heard people tell stories about them. Occasionally they grasp their importance, like when they tell people they save the world, but they were impressed that Asa fixed killed 5 Wendigo, and had an Angel Blade, and Father Luca met the Pope. I mean God hung out at the bunker and made them pancakes! Their Heads Dont Get Too Big: Every once in a while, TPTB make sure we, and the boys, remember that they are only human. Even if they lock away Satan, kill Death, save God’s life, they’re just men. Remember when Bobby died and Dean was sure he wouldnt because “its just one bullet!” ? I can see how it would seem so silly to Dean, and even to us, that someone who has lived through so much, could die from a stupid little bullet. I think that one of the smartest things the show has done in ages, was to have Sam tortured by Toni and friend. Sam was so bold and cocky (and need I say sexy?) telling Toni he’d been tortured by the devil himself, and what could she do to him... He soon learned Hell torture or not,  cold showers still suck, blow torches to the feet still hurt like hell, and a mortal human can still fuck with his head. And Dean, well he can still be put on the injured reserve list from a jacked up leg. IMO S12 was great for re-humanizing the Winchesters. I love this! Comedy to Tragedy: Some of the best episodes, started out funny and ended in a tear jerker. Mystery Spot, Just My Imagination, and Beat The Devil top my list. I love the emotional rollar coaster, Coming away exhausted from an episode is the bestthing I can ask for! They havent tried it the other way around, tragedy to comedy, and thats good. If you are crying at the beginning and laughing later, it doesnt justify the grief and you may feel let down and hollow after. SPN is great with having some humor in even the most depressing episodes, but they know when using it and leaving it out is best. I love this! Brohugs: My #1 favorite thing, aside from the hug in 6.1, they have all been beautiful. Not once, have the boys lost the love, or even repeated the same hug. Each one conveys a different message, a different emotion, but all say “I love you more than everything” and I wont ever get tired of them! I would do anything for a single hug in my whole life that had such love in it, as any Winchester bro hug! I.LOVE.THIS!! Now I hope if you read this far, you got to smile a few times, and a spark was added to the fire that you fell in love with 14 seasons ago. Here’s to S14, i hope its filled with all of these wonderful things!

[jungblue]

UGGHHH why did the oc have to be so stupid and let JIMIN retrieve the notebook for herrrrr!!!! She should've remembered that that's the wrong one!!!! Ugh it's making me so emo but I understand that it was for the best....😭😭😭😭😭😭

lolol like don’t get me wrong i’m glad that jimin found out bc he totally deserved to know that his girlfriend was a lying cheater… but like bro if you’re gonna cheat don’t allow your boyfriend to hold the notebook full of poems written by the person you’re cheating on them with. like maybe that wasn’t a smart move on your part lmao. but honestly when she was just like oh i can grab the right notebook before he gets to the really incriminating bits!!!! i was like bitch you’re fucking dumb!!!!! lol

Anonymous said: The cheating fic took a piece of my soul I finished it in one sitting. But tbh Sohee at the end got A LITTLE TOO CRAZY like I had the innate urge to slap her. Some part of me hoped the reader would end up with JK, but alas I.T was not so. Also, she pined for jimin at the very end, which was contradictory to the whole ending of “loving yourself first”. BUT ANYWAYS STILL BALLED MY EYES OUT AT 5 AM

no same when that happened with sohee i was like… alright?? get trapped in a loveless relationship??? go off i guess??? like i know why she did what she did but i also don’t understand why she would wanna be with someone that doesn’t wanna be with her. and i think that the thing with jimin at the end happened more so bc she’s lonely, not bc she doesn’t love herself. like you can love yourself but feel the effects of loneliness. like it’s been 4 years since that whole incident and in a single instant she lost her best friend, her boyfriend of 2 years and the guy she was in love with. like that’s gotta be hard on the soul lol. i mean not that she didn’t bring that upon herself, but still i get why she was feeling lonely at the end lol

Anonymous said: TAY i just finished reading Right of Way and i jUST— i feel exactly the same like you, like this fic wrecked me up that much?????? I couldnt even cry bcs i was so mad that the OC ended up alone?? I know it was fucking wrong but i lowkey hoped that Jungkook and the OC would end up together… i just felt theyre perfectly fit…. Anyway the last time i felt like this was when i read a fanfic called “Vow”, its also a cheating!au, im wondering if u ever read it…

no same it’s like i know that i shouldn’t like them together but i’m also like i get ittttt and i don’t wanna get it bc then i’m sort of justifying their terrible behavior. but no i haven’t read vow. who’s it by?

Anonymous said: i just finished the cheating fic (its almost 4am here sigh) and i agree with you about the whole feeling sorry for them even after they did such horrible things and all that but. uh sohee’s pregnancy trap made me pissed. like, jk deserves some obvious shit thrown his way but. i feel bad for the baby ?? that whole plan of hers just put me off so much. i d k

yeah exactly i was like alright jungkook deserves some sort of revenge but i honestly just hate the pregnancy trap trope. it annoys me to a very high degree. honestly that’s the only part of the story that i could’ve done without. though it definitely happens in real like so i can’t be too upset about it

Anonymous said:i just finished reading ROW becof you. And I just really really loved it! Yes, I want me(yup I was imagining myself as the OC who doesnt) to have a happy ending, but realistically, not with jimin and jungkook. I hurt them too much and FCK THERE ARE TIMES THAT I WANT TO STRANGLE MYSELF FOR CHEATING BEC HOW CAN A HUMAN CHEAT ON JIMIN THE ANGEL?I just love how realistic everything was. I didn’t want it to end. I need more fics like this. ROW also is the 1st fic I read in Ao3. Suggest me more :(

ON TOP OF THAT, I was listening to The Truth Untold on loop the entire time I was reading it and when I broke things off with JK, his part on TTU where he sang “but I still want you” fucking ripped me off.. Also jimin’s “I still want you” in the killed me too what a fucking roller coaster

yeah it was very realistic which was why the ending hurt so much :(( but i have a lot of ao3 recs but they’re mostly m/m. row was actually the first reader insert fic i’ve ever read on ao3, so if you want more of those i unfortunately can’t be of much help ;;;;  and jxnsajdnl why would you do that to yourself lol. that fic is too sad to pair with that song 

Anonymous said: Fksnofkn I just read Right of Way and feel as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and then punched repeatedly. What makes it even worse is that we all know this is how Jimin was feeling when he discovered the truth :( idk I’ve been an angst binge lately and so, this was a wonderful recommendation! If you’ve recovered lol (bc I sure haven’t) or want to read something else similar to Right of Way (I enjoy piling on the angst sometimes lmao) I just finished Comfort Inn by joonbird and recommend!

i know i had a lot of emotional turmoil afterwards i was just like why??? do i feel so numb??? and thank you for the rec!

Anonymous said: Babe I binged read the entire ROW and I’m now in bed sobbing oh god everyone is hurting and good god so am I HAHAHA the ending was so realistic and I think that’s why it was so painful WHAT A RIDE

like i say i love angst and i honestly do but i like angst where the journey is hurtful but the ending is nice jxjsdalnjs lol

[jennahuh]

Im getting all fired up reading this!

I also had a doctor who couldnt give less of a shit about me. He’d rather just keep prescribing me meds i couldnt afford anymore after i literally told him i didnt want them. Brief summary, worked retail, stayed for the people i saw suffering to try and help, ended up getting myself in a worse situation and had to go on FORCE UNPAID medical leave til i could talk to a man who knows literally nothing about me and ask him if he could right me a note telling my i was “okay for work again.”

I’ll probably gonna go off here on my doctor but i’ll preface it with this, i get it, when ur primary doctor is an asshole. Mine wasn’t white, but he IS a, “i put my foot down when it comes to lgbtq+ topics” type of dude (i’m nb and ace and i didnt feel comfortable telling him i wanted to lob off my boobs at some point). I had to wait a literal month and drive two hours for him to give me barely 20 minutes and MAYBE use of his 1 (one) of his brain cells to help me before telling me he was a busy man and needed to cut my appointment short! Fuck it still pisses me off! Ugh!

What im trying to say is your situation sounds way more serious than mine (and thats not me trying to make you feel better, it is a truth) and the fact that your primary doctor didnt even take the time to properly diagnose you for the symptoms you literally told him you were having, that a NURSE had to step in and cover this doctors tiny white ass and conceal his incompetence, fucking sucks! I’m sorry you had to go through that at all. It couldnt have been easy. I liked your memes, tho.

Yes, you now know what is going on with yourself and you are in a better situation now but FUCK SHITTY DOCTORS! Just cuz a person has a doctorate doesnt make them a genius and im afraid a TON of doctors have that weird “im always right” complex despite you literally telling them “it’s my body and i know youre wrong”

I noticed a post that said your working to normal, but i want to try and say this and not sound condescending (would u believe thats a huge problem with me? Lol)

You dont need to come out with new content all the time for your followers to be happy. I’ve been a huge fan of ur art and story telling since the don’t starve fics and when u got way into IZ, it wasnt a case of “great, now i’ll never see the end to that story,” it was “oh boy, gotta invest myself in a new fandom i didnt know was still alive.” I didnt want to complain about how i missed your old content, it was more a matter of, “i’d rather keep up with what this cool and talented author/artist is interested in.”

This is a long way to say if any of us see ur doctor, ur simps will also try to attack on sight. Drop a name, bro, lets see if we cant ruin a white man’s life

(please dont actually, i dont want to get u in trouble cuz i cant speak for the rest of ur followers, some people might actually do it)

bam WHAT happened to you in the hospital????????

If I ever see my old doctors again, I am going to attack on sight

big rant below (hidden for health tw, malpractice, ableism)

I deleted that post prior because I didn't even want to look at it anymore but anyway malpractice and abuse happen to afab patients especially poc because of the whole "women exaggerate their symptoms and pain" bullshit

some doctors are so conceited and self assured that they will fight to YOUR death that they were right even if the machines you're hooked up on are screaming because your heart rate is heavy dropping and racing 192, you've lost all feeling and function of your limbs and there's no blood going to your brain.

The doctor I had just stood there like "its just anxiety calm down" until a different nurse/doc person walked in and looked at the scene like "what the fuck am i witnessing" and gave me a shot of andosene(??) idk the actual medicine but it dropped my heart rate hard and it felt like I blipped out of life for a few seconds before coming back

I had (have?) temporary brain damage from the heart pumping too quickly, it didn't have enough time to fill with blood and so no blood was sent to my brain. This caused me months on months of pain and loss of function.

Using fine motor functions like fingers and certain movements of the limbs were difficult. I could not type or draw as easily as I could before. I accidently dropped full drinks and had glass shatter on the floor because my hand just *decided* to stop having grip strength without my say so. I developed minor tics and had speech problems. One half of my body was numb and cold all the time and one side of my face was slightly stiffed. (not all the way, thankfully, but I had a notably lopside)

anyway, my primary caregiver doc is this old white dude that had the audacity to first tell me it was just anxiety and depression and then second, ask me if I was on some 'drugs he didn't know about' (which idk why he'd ask when they have all my lab shit) and then just say "well I cant help you if you won't accept my diagnoses" and then charged me $48 in co-pay for a doctor-to-patient session that lasted under two minutes of him just calling me a liar.

I went back a second time and the dude wanted to send me to a fucking psychiatric ward. Said my symptoms were all in my head.

I couldn't switch docs because my insurance doesn't allow it, but I got some money saved up (patrons really came in clutch) and went to a different clinic and the lady I saw there was like "yeah no you're fucked up, let me help"

anyway that was late last year to january-ish and for the beginning part of 2021 I was doing recovery appointments. I'm doing completely better now but I have like, an intense caution with healthcare caregivers now

on the upside i made some pretty banging shitposts during this time

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 

[aquagenesis]

im talking about myself because unfortunately for everyone i am actually the only main character.

i dont even know how to describe the emotion it makes me feel because it’s i mean generally indifferent.  whatever.  but when people act like im only like this because im angry or im aggressive and im taking everything too far.  when people look at me and theyre like “yeah you were poor yeah you had an absent father and an abusive mother so does everyone”.  it’s not about that.  it’s literally not even about that.  i dont even consider those things Defining Points for me because like yeah bro i thought everyone grew up like me!  i thought every christian parent was exactly like my stepfather, i thought every “helicopter parent” was exactly like my mom.  i didnt even acknowledge parents arent supposed to say half the stuff they said to me.  it didnt even click until i started telling people just to share to be like “oh yeah man i totally understand your dad freaking out over nothing.  my dad used to [REDACTED]” and they like act like im grandstanding or trying to bowl them over.  like i get it?  but i feel like by my tone and the fact I Dont Talk About My Family should tell you im not dropping my Strong And Silent persona just to flex about how abused i was.

im angry because these things fundamentally led to me getting the shit abused out of me and everyone around me because the same system who APPLAUDS itself on maintaining the safety of their communities is the one who refused to take my moms own testimony against my dad because she was “paranoid” and “insane”. 

the same system who says psychotic people are dangerous told me what my mom was doing to me was probably a figment of MY imagination. 

the same system that says they care for the lives of children kicked my mother and her two not-older-than-toddler aged children deserved to be on the street because her abusive boyfriend wasnt paying his fair dues.

it pisses me the fuck OFF my future entails me being a “diamond in the rough” for the same people who didnt give a shit if i lived or died.  it pisses me the fuck off i’ll always be looked on by people who wanted me dead as “one of the good ones”.  a reason why impoverished communities deserve resources.  a reason why maybe poor people and insane people shouldnt be left to die because maybe they’ll fucking wind up like me.  but theyre still going to make it hard as fuck BECAUSE im just a diamond in the rough.  because i worked so hard to make a change and i worked so hard to keep myself alive and now im a success story they can shove down the throats of kids like me to make them feel more like shit when everything is against them and they dont feel like they can take it anymore.

it pisses me the literal fuck off rich people can be drug addicts and alcoholics and beat their spouses and “cancel culture” means People Dont Like Them :( but it’s okay because now we all have to stop and be like oh no wait hold on didnt you poor people say addiction isnt a choice?  like you fucking have the resources to not act like that and youre paying off your charges.  poor people dont get to do that.  they genuinely do not get to do that.  for some people, a drug charge means they cant get a job.  that means they cant do jack shit.

pisses me off when people will assault others and do drugs and break the  law and they get on fucking probation and can still go to school and make something of themselves and barely get fucking drug tested and can leave the fucking STATE and the cops dont come after them but the police sure as FUCK did harass my mom because my dad left florida illegally.  they sure as fuck did drug test everyone around my dad extensively because they couldnt find HIM but thats how they wanted to prove he was still dealing.  the whole system is fucked and i dont agree with it but it’s ESPECIALLY fucked against people who havent even had the chance to try and make something of themselves.  how the fuck was my dad supposed to get help for his shit when his parents were both dead.  how the fuck was my mom supposed to go to college when she was in an abusive relationship and now had two children she had to stay home and take care of because my dad sure as fuck was not.

how the fuck is anyone with anything actually wrong with them supposed to succeed.  how the fuck is any of this fair.  how is it fair my legacy will be beating down on kids saying “lukas was abused for 22 years of his life and he still became a scientist so what’s your excuse, i dont do that stuff”.  “your father isnt a felon, hes a good man, sure hes angry, but lukas could do it”.  i dont want to be a fucking success story used to punch down.  but then im giving up on myself, then im not achieving my potential, then im blaming everyone else for my problems, then im holding myself back, then im depressed.

im depressed because the system that left me for dead and wanted to do the same fucked up shit they did to my mom is going to rip apart my still-warm body for nitpicks to use against The New Generation or their specific kids or whatever the fuck else.  and then the other side is gonna say “ugh god but he’s insane though that’s the real fucking scandal.  how can we trust anything he says when he’s been institutionalized, when his parents were so bad, he’s a liberal scam, hes trying to destroy our society”.

it pisses me the fuck off.

[tumblunni]

oreshika: you know who is not the bad guy? the bad guy also oreshika: you know who is actually the secret bad guy? this sweet harmless comic relief man who has done nothing wrong

except like its eight glowing brain levels deeper cos the sweet comic relief man is also a giant obviously evil demon mask that ANYONE could have pinned for “really just possessing this dude” since the very start but then his personality was very non bad and he was all ‘hey buddie why u no smile’ to his host and like I LET MY GUARD DOWN OKAY. I LEARNED TO TRUST AGAIN.

i’m at the final battle and I am so pissed off but also HYPED?? like im relaly mad cos like RIGHT FROM HIS FIRST APPEARANCE I was like ‘dear god please don’t make onigashira the real villain, it would be so fucking obvious’ and then i just got progressively more pissed because he literally did nothing evil in the entire damn plot, he’s just evil because Evil he’s some sort of Magical Evil Mask that was Made To Be Evil and like Unquestionably Is That and no sort of interesting exploration on that plot even though he HASNT ACTED EVIL EVER UNTIL THE LITERAL LAST FIVE MINUTES

and it raises SO MANY questions cos like why was he even cooperating with Seimei then?? why didnt he fully posess seimei at any earlier point?? why didnt he kill nueko at any of the five other mandatory boss fights we had with him?? Seimei at least had an intriguing personality that gave an odd justification for his plot laziness. Cos he’s an anti-villain who weirdly sees you all as friends or a mentor/student thing, and he’s really just pretending to be evil so that you’ll kill him, cos he can’t die and desperately wants to. So it makes sense that he doesnt do any of his evil actions until you arrive, cos the whole damn point was just to taunt you into arriving. And its nicely parodied cos he literally sends you tea party invitations to his latest evil plan and gets pissed off if you miss it XD i’m so sad for seimei plz say (mei) that we adopt him afterwards i wanted to adopt onigashira afterwards back when it looked like he was the not evil one of the pair I AM STILL REALLY SALTY THAT HE’S NOT!!!! HIS DESIGN IS REALLY COOL AND CUTE!!!!! AND HE WAS A COMIC RELIEF OLD MAN DEMON DRAGON DOOD!!! i trusted u

okay but to talk about why i am also HYPE i need to go into some endgame spoilers whoopy doop!

so yeah the twist of ‘evilman is actually just being controlled by his puppet dragon thing’ was WAY OBVIOUS and i was really wishing for it to not happen but they made up for it by having ANOTHER TWIST THAT’S WAY BETTER

random description of something else from the endgame that is cool but i dont really know where to fit it into this conversation lol you actually do get to fight Final Boss Seimei here, its a cool boss rush with him and then Super Onigashira Betrayal Mode but what I really like is that its an OPTIONAL boss rush! the first time you play it you fight seimei with his freaky spider legs superform, and then nueko steals it back cos it was hers first. Can i just say again that I love a sexy mom styled heroine who’s powers are entirely around growing friggin monsters out of her arms and stuff? Seriously way to subvert that fanservice bro! (its still a bit cringey when they show the monster tattoos being drawn on her butt and boobs...) so then you go into the second fight and your health has all been healed and now one party member has a new supermove (I was really pissed cos it didnt restore your MP and TP, so I couldnt use that move!) But then if you lose and come back it actually skips the first fight and has an altered cutscene that’s like ‘oh, you’re back for round two?’ and such. MUCH preferrable to stuff like kingdom hearts where i have to watch a damn ten minute cutscene each time! Tho I do wish there was an option to redo it in boss rush mode, I guess that’s just a reward for people who can get it on the first try. I’m prepared now thooooo... :(

OKAY BACK ON TOPIC

Now for this final arc of the story we’ve been investigating the mystery of the Nameless God, some dude in the past who was apparantly super great and then got erased from history. There’s also the mystery of who exactly was Nueko’s husband and what happened to separate her from Seimei and make him turn evil, tho i mean its PRETTY OBVIOUS his dad was this mystery god lol And even though its not really very much of a twist about his identity, its still really interesting how the whole thing is handled. Him being erased from history means that none of the characters can remember his name or face, but NEITHER CAN THE PLAYER! He appears in the interfaces long before the plot actually talks about him, as a silhouette and a name smudged out by ink.

Now the actually cool twist about him is that like.. we’ve been hearing for AGES about how great he was, and how someone must have put out a hit on him or something. And him being in the interface seems like a spoiler that he’s gonna be unlockable later as a godly husband candidate for your protagonists. And even when we see npc optional boss battle gods hating on him, it’s always the jerkass gods who have some sort of reason to be biased. Or (in retrospect) they’re hating him for entirely the wrong reasons based on other people’s flawed gossip about him. “He was too kind and if he made equality then I wouldn’t be rich!” says genericman mc gee, who is probably eighty times less evil than this man

COS THATS THE TWIST

He was an evil fucker and erased himself from history with essentially an alchemy equivelant of a mad science experiment gone wrong. And what happened with Nueko and Seimei was that evilbad mc trashdad tried to use his damn four year old child as raw materials for this experiment, and she tried and failed to save him. And then she was desperate and her only option left was to kill the kid so he couldnt be tortured like that, and then killed herself too from grief. But it all went horribly wrong because she didn’t know that the reason Seimei was a candidate for this experiment is because he had immortality powers as a half human half god. So the poor kid survived watching his mom stab him and then slit her own throat, and he had no clue it was because his dad was gonna kill him anyway, so he grows up hating her and missing her and being this big ol sad mess that’s easily manipulated by a fucko father...

COS THATS ALSO THE TWIST

ONIGASHIRA WAS DADS

WHAT HOW

DADS

And like if they were gonna reveal his entire funny cute sidekick personality to be completely false then I’m glad at least his real personality was Twisty Wow and Immensely Punchable like i still feel like i could never punch a cute puppet pal but i can surely punch an abusive father pretending to be his own son’s imaginary friend for twenty years and whispering bullshit in his ear just to drive him into his own grave and like POOR SEIMEI WANTED TO DIE JUST NOT LIKE THIS NOT LIKE THIIIIIIIISSSS

i still think that ‘hey i was made to be an evil superweapon demon dragon mask thing but i became sentient and decided to be a happy hugs jokeman’ would have been a really amazing character concept too either that or ‘hey it really is a harmless normal mask and i’m just super seriously angsty seimei doing ventriloquism as a hugs jokeman character because i’m lonely as fuck and please be my friend’ either of those would have been better than this but like if this is what we get then I’m at least glad they gave me good enough reason to feel ‘GAHH I WANNA STAB HIM AND SAVE MY NEW SON’ rather than just ‘oh blah this ending ruined my fave character, and i feel nothing towards anything now’

also his boss fight is really damn fuckin coolio wow like it was a HUGE WHOA MOMENT when the fight starts and his name is blanked out and you just instantly know who he was this whole time and your mind explodes that this guy was evil and then he’s like a giant buddha-esque multi armed dude doing sutra poses with a big ol spoopy demon head and then really fun classic gameplay of ‘him summon the many hands and u has to destroy the hands to get 2 him and then they regenerate after a short amount of time’ but he’s also got super hellish simultaneous buff and debuff powers and all sorts of other nasty tricks AND IM ON THE LOWEST DIFFICULTY GEEZ and like for some reason it really stabbed my heart seeing how just one of the many hands is still human, its like seimei’s still in there and maybe he might still be alive if we defeat this guy fast enough... and then the music is SO FUCKING GOOD and it has like three remixes for all his increasingly frantic stages. like he doenst actually have boss transformations for them, its just moveset changes and stat boosts as his health drops. but also the colours of the battlefield change and you get funky remix time so its still cool!

and then I was SO CLOSE, i had him down to 5% HP before he killed me T_T such a marathon boss and I was almost there... I’m really excited to try again tho! i finally got that damn curse off my inherited weapon from the first generation, and now i’m on generation 87, and now im ready to FUCK SOME SHIT UP! also my current party is all named after types of olives because i ran out of inspiration around character number 300 i am so fucking addicted to this grindy ass game!