#im still hungry tho bc i was counting on having a big dinner ...

[autobahnmp3]

roasted some veggies for lunch and i think i found a new fave in celery root it's really nice with the glaze i made

[fairyfairypie]

tagged by @theprettysettersclub, thank you!!

1) Are you really ready for 93 questions?

yeah!!!

2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?

,,,uhhh no?? ive never been in a relationship?? so no i guess?

3) Who did you last say “I love you" to?

idk probably my mom

4) Do you regret it?

nope :DD

5) Have you ever been depressed?

Yeah

6) Are you a boy or girl?

Girl~

7) Who is your best friend?

@peppermintstars buT SHE DOESNT GO ON TUMBLR EVER WE MADE A TUMBLR AND U NEVER CAME BACK ON

8) How do you want to die?

idk lol probably not very painfully but aware of it??? if that makes sense

9) What did you last eat?

Ahhhh idk what it’s called but it’s like watery rice except that makes it sound really bad,,, it’s called xi fan but idk what it is in english (apparently its rice porridge) 

10) Played any sports?

well i skate and im learning volleyball;; and i used to swim, dance, and do gymnastics + more but i quit every sport within a month of trying it so :/

11) Do you bite your nails ?

YES, SO MUCH ;-;

12) When was your last physical fight?

never??? i dont fight a lot???

13) Do you have an attitude?

no?? not really??

14) Do you like someone?

yah but they don’t exist lol unless u count kpop idols 

15) What is your real name?

Eileen ^^

16) Are you gonna get high later?

no???

17) Do you hate anyone at the moment?

not that i can think of rn, no

18) Do you miss someone?

not off the top of my head, no

19) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?

??who cuts spaghetti??

20) Do you tan a lot?

uh no?

21) Have any pets?

if i did, they’d be dead, but no

22) How exactly are you feeling?

like,,, nothing rn 

23) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?

yeah i do it a lot when im busy

24) Ever made out in the bathroom?

no ??? ive never made out ???

25) Would you take any of your exes back?

no exes,,,,

26) Are you scared of spiders?

who isn’t?? spiders are scary whether dead or alive

27) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

of course!! it’d be cool!!

28) Do you regret anything from your past?

yeah, a lot of things

29) What are your plans for this weekend?

uhh i’ve got my regular weekend schedule, then I have to go to @orangejuicymatsu‘s house for some kind of dinner party, then I’ve got a syncro competition on Sunday-Monday

30) Do you want to have kids?

kids scare me, no

31) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?

my mom!!

32) Do you type fast?

not horribly fast, but not too slow either

33) Do you have piercings? How many?

no, but piercings look cool

34) Want any more?

yeah, maybe some ear piercings when i get older.., needles tho

35) Can you spell well?

nopee

36) Do you miss anyone from your past?

not really bc i can remember probably three ppl from my past

37) What are you craving right now?

ice cream

38) Ever been to a bonfire party?

not that i can remember,,,maybe

39) Have you ever been on a horse?

probably, but horses r big

40) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?

no??

41) Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

not that i know?

42) Have you ever been cheated on?

can’t be cheated on if you’ve never been in a relationship

43) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

no...

44)Would you live with someone without marrying them?

yeah of course my parents lol

45) What should you be doing?

HOMEWORK

46) What’s irritating you right now?

my complete inability to do homework

47) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?

no not really

48) Does somebody love you?

idk ???

49) What is your favorite color?

PINKKKKK

50) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?

ya

51) Do you have trust issues?

well idk honestly

52) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

yeah i think so

53) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?

,,,i have no exes

54)Who was the last person you cried to?

i honestly have no clue lol

55) Do you give out second chances too easily?

yeahh 

56) Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forget

57) Is this year the best year of your life?

its 2017, no

58) What was your child hood nickname?

i’ve never really have a nickname

59) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no

60) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 

yea

61) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 

uhh read fanfics lol

62) Do you socialise often?

not too much but i do sometimes

63) What is bothering you?

I STILL HAVENT DONE MY HOMEWORK

64) Have you ever been out of your state?

yeah,, ive been to over 30 states 

65) Do you play the Wii?

not really

66) Are you listening to music right now?

yeahhh

67) Do you like Chinese food?

I eat it everyday, eh

68) Do you know your fathers b- day?

UHm i think its September 21st ???? no lol

69) Are you afraid of the dark?

well yeah

70) Is cheating ever okay?

no

71) Are you mean?

not usually no

72) Can you keep white shoes clean?

not really lol

73) Do you believe in true love?

yeah

74) Do you like the outside?

yeah!!! esp when it’s warm or sunny or just nice weather!!

75) Are you currently bored?

not really but kinda,,, 

76) Do you wanna get married?

idk maybe

77) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

no thats kinda weird to me

78) Are you hungry?

no but i want sweet food lol

79) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?

no...

80) What makes you happy?

my friends, my followers, ppl who r cool and nice, anime, cute things + more

81) Would you change your name?

no not really

82) Ever been to Alaska?

no, but im going this summer

83) Do you watch the news?

no lol

84) What’s your zodiac sign?

Aries~

85) Do you like Subway?

its okay, better than mcdonalds

86) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

no bc that was my mom

87) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

freak out lol

88) Do you talk like your friends?

do i? a bit yeah,, ive noticed lol

89) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?

all the time in public 

90) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

not that i can think of

91) Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

one of the alexs -.- 

92) Does it matter if your boyfriend smokes?

eh i mean,,, a bit

93) Can you count to one million?

well yeah but im not doing it rn

ey so im tagging (you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to):@ruyi, @orangejuicymatsu, @fadeslikewhispers. @yolkygoblin, @yew2, @mothsky, and anybody who wants to do this! 

[keep-trying-mate]

sometimes i feel like. i could accidentally backslide rn if im not careful.

cuz i have to work like A Lot n i end up only eating two “meals” a day subsisting on usually One Big Snack in the morning and a smaller snack at night (bc if i eat too much before i take my sleeping meds they wont work bc my digestion is still pretty fucked even tho ive been eating regularly for over 8 ish months and havent purged in at Least 6 months idk i havent been counting Anyways...)

im still uncomfortable eating around other ppl who arent eating so a lot of times if i eat at work i go outside and sometimes i go to the back part where no one can see me

but i have a bf now and he cooks dinner when i go to his house and its always Really Good 😩 but i get nervous abt eating a whole meal w him and Literally if i dont preemptively on purpose eat something before i go to his house i Know i would “accidentally” “forget” to eat something for my brain to be like ‘aha got u i used a compensatory behavior and u didnt even notice’

and i feel like i have to focus really hard on remembering to eat so i dont “forget” and “be too busy” to eat and its taking up a lot of my brain space (not as much as when i was really sick w my ed) but this feels like a really critical point in my recovery

i also still have a lot of trouble getting away from my usual same safe foods and like. forming opinions on food or even Thinking of what would be a good meal to have yknow. Food Desicions™ also i still dont feel hungry until im like Ravenous which is still pretty normal but i just feel like im eating regularly enough for long enough that this shouldnt still be happening but idk it was like a decade of disordered eating im trying to undo so my body probably doesn’t totally trust me yet

anyway....... im really proud of how far ive come and i wanna work to get further. 🥰

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #14: "i literally hate attention (i say as i broke out into song unprompted)” - Bryce

I can't believe that I am here. I made it to the Final 4. It is very crazy. I thought that I was toast in the Final 6. So to be here now is very exciting and shocking. The final 3 is going to depend on who wins immunity. I am really hoping that I could win this immunity to secure my spot in the final 3. If not then I hope that Matt doesn't win it. He needs to be an option just in case. I'm very nervous. I just finished my rites of passage. and its crazy that its almost final tribal.

so im getting 4th. FJKASDHFKJh this comp is so hard and like im literally not gonna be able to do endurance so i need to do well on the other stuff but i just dont see that happening... like this puzzle first try was 70 minutes FJKASDHFKAJS. AND I KNOW COUNTING WILL MESS ME UP BC IM NERVOUS WRECK i didnt even mean to caps that but its tea. like flash game i think when i played this once before i wasnt bad but maybe i was who knows. im so emo like no one is talking to me anymore FKJASHDFKJ like i guess bc its just 1 vote left they dont wanna pretend they wont cut me FJAKSDFH like my game not even that good im gonna get dragged by sharky/nathan/keaton/nicole/ everyone but brian... maybe even brian who knows NNNN. my nnn. is so iconic.. maynor who?. idk like ok so if i win immunity (which i wont) idek what to do like i feel like voting matt is the best option maybe. bc i WONT be voting maynor bc i love him (not that i dont love anna and matt) but i just feel like we've had the best relationship of the f4 and im confident that the jury will like my game more than his (maybe they wont tho... i say confident but i mean 2% (not skim) sure they will) but ok so annabelle prob is hated by jury at least from brian and maybe even sharky? but like she didnt play bad she literally made most iconic move at f6 and i respect that but idk if jurors do like ppl keep saying shes a goat  so maybe she has no chance. and then theres matt where like ppl cant be mad he voted them when everyone and their mom in this game has voted him ASDKJFHASDKJ. like so hes prob liked by jury but i just dont know if hes done anything to deserve to win. he found 2 idols successfully played 1 but that was more on anna/nicks weird sense of leaking when it didnt really benefit them.  but like ok he was least threatening member of trio who got to the end so underdog edit is there even tho he literally wasnt underdog tbh u know who was an underdog... ME. i had NO ONE but nathan for a lil.. then dennis... then he got ROBBED. so then i had brian... but he got ROBBED. and now i have maynor like ive literally flipped and flopped to better my game and idk like i am physically able to meaningfully say ive done anything good ever in life or orgs but like i didnt do too bad i think! KJFAHSDKJF... idk maybe im getting 0 votes 3rd place no matter what and if thats the case im still so happy bc ive had a lot of fun in this game and met some true friends (and keaton) but like im getting 4th anyway so doesnt matter! ugh that sounds like a final goodbye confession but i know me and im gonna confess like 10 more times before this round is over so if i do get 4th/3rd just know that this was my true end...

So like.... I do not think i'm winning immunity. like at all. which makes me pretty nervous ngl. I really want to be there at the finale cause i think I have a good shot. If Bryce loses, i'm fairly sure i'm good to get to FTC but otherwise im scared. Making FTC would be really good for me cause I think i can out argue Maynor and Annabelle fairly well, but otherwise with bryce there idk. So like, BRYCE CAN'T WIN IMMUNITY. Also this FIC is disgusting like no thanks. I've already fucked up the 2 live ones so uh ya am annoyed :(. woo final juror here i come!

Bryce won immunity. Im glad. I wouldnt want to be in the position to vote Bryce. I had to abstained from the counting part cuz it triggered my anxiety. I tried tho but i couldnt. This vote is going to be said. Matt is going to go 4th. And i feel really bad. We got to know each other more during every tribal. This really sucks. I just dont want to give him false hope where there isnt any. Im going to help tomorrow.

I am so getting final juror. fuck. i knew it would happen if bryce won immunity and it fucking is. I am so sad about this. I have worked so hard all game to get here and its just being tossed away like that. I am SO sad. I have fucked up my sleep schedule for this game and now its getting me final juror. ugh. i just wanted to get to the end and like argue my case. but now? not happening :( i hate this

I WON I REALLY WON IMMUNITY ASKDJFHASKDJF I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA LOSE WHEN I GOT 12 POSTS ASJFKHKASJFDHASDKJF THATS SO NNNNN IM SO HAPPY BUT SO SAD BC NOW I TRIED TO TELL MATT IM VOTING HIM BC I WANT TO BE HONEST BUT HE SAYS HES TALKING TO A BRICK WALL LIKE???? SORRY FOR NOT WANTING TO GIVE U FALSE HOPE AJDSFHDKAJ its honestly so rude like ive been in that position before so i know what its like when ur pleading ur case and the person doesnt seem to care and im NOT doing that. but obvioulsy i didnt just make up a plan on what to do at f4 so obviously i have thoughts and plans and im not just gonna switch it up bc u plea to me now. idk KJASHDFKJ also im so scared im gonna lose now NNN hes saying anna played so well and tbh she kind of did maybe i lose no matter what...

So like i am leaving but its ok! why? cause i will preserve my legacy by dropping a whole ass fajita recipe here so that I can feel like i have made an IMPACT on the season. Even though like im still sad its me, im going out with a bang baby! I don't use this recipe personally ( I am a broke student) but its v.good!

Ingredients: 2 large chicken breasts, finely sliced 1 red onion, finely sliced (ready to make you cry) 1 red pepper, sliced 1 red chilli, finely sliced (optional) For the marinade 1 heaped tbsp smoked paprika 1 tbsp ground coriander pinch of ground cumin 2 medium garlic cloves, crushed 4 tbsp olive oil 1 lime juiced 4-5 drops Tabasco

Method: Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6 and wrap 6 medium tortillas in foil.

Mix 1 heaped tbsp smoked paprika, 1 tbsp ground coriander, a pinch of ground cumin, 2 crushed garlic cloves, 4 tbsp olive oil, the juice of 1 lime and 4-5 drops Tabasco together in a bowl with a big pinch each of salt and pepper.

Stir 2 finely sliced chicken breasts, 1 finely sliced red onion, 1 sliced red pepper and 1 finely sliced red chilli, if using, into the marinade.


Heat a griddle pan until smoking hot and add the chicken and marinade to the pan.

Keep everything moving over a high heat for about 5 mins using tongs until you get a nice charred effect. If your griddle pan is small you may need to do this in two batches.

To check the chicken is cooked, find the thickest part and tear in half – if any part is still raw cook until done.

Put the tortillas in the oven to heat up and serve with the cooked chicken, a bag of mixed salad and one 230g tub of fresh salsa.

hope the random person reading this uses it otherwise gj future me reading this you've officially gone insane! yeet ig?

This is going to be a sad day. I really like Matt and dont want to vote him out but its the best option from the people available. It really sucks. I feel his pain and ahh.

I’m literally going to cry. I want to help Matt. I wish we could all be final 3 but we can’t. I’m dying emotionally. Final 4 always has so much pressure cuz theres only 4 people left. I hope Matt doesn’t hate me. I hope he understands thisnis a game move because he techinically was the underdog in the beginning then was on top then back to underdog. I just hope he doesnt take it personal that I don’t think tie-ing it for him would be good for my game.

OMG IDK WHATS GONNA HAPPEN MATT GO HOME PLS BUT I FEEL LIKE ANNA IS VOTING MAYNOR IM GONNA BE SO SAD AHHHH DJSKFHSDKJF

Matt is voted out 3-1. He becomes the final juror.

ok so i had the worst day of my life today and didnt plan my speech at all so thats where im at NNN time to fake smile and hope the jurors like my ad libbed speech ASFKUHDFKJ ftc starts in 4 minutes.

well.. that was interesting adsjflhasdkfj. Like i always have 0 confidence in myself so i think im gonna lose and i really do respect the game that anna and maynor played. im just sad that i dont think i articulated myself well bc like im so bad with words anajsfhakj and ppl were saying conflicting things and its just not in me to like chime in with my pov to possible sway it in my favor bc i literally hate attention (i say as i broke out into song unprompted) but yaaa like i truly think that maybe i kind of did play super well and deserve to win but either way ill be happy bc i made *some* genuine friendships and also like had so much fun voting ppl out KFADHSKJASHK. i wish i like wrote what all my confessionals were so i could reference sth i said on day 1 but it was prob like i hate my tribe they ignore me so maybe ill just say that again FKJADSHFKJ. we love coming full circle... im so hungry i didnt eat so i will now stop typing to get dinner maybe i will write another confessional. omg wait gotta have some line thats iconic in case theres an episode title... think... love talking to myself FAKSDHFKj im so funny when i was like "i realized hey i respond to myself ill take me to the end" its such a mood KFJASDHFKJ ok but hm... ok. maybe im a snake who doesnt actually care about people and use them to my advantage to get my way but at least im not jayden. OMG jk thats so mean even tho he deserves it ALSO i was gonna like comment on keaton being like "saying the n word doesnt make u racist" but then he was kind of nice to me so i didnt.. love being as fake woke as me... not being confrontational to get a jury vote... so gross NNNN wooh idk how to end this but watch waves music video normani literally snapped so hard is being as slept on as me. omg wait... maybe im a pillow bc i sure am being slept on. iconic line.... i love the hosts so much ignore literally every cringe thing i wrote in this confessional pls FKJADSHKFJ

IM VERY DRUNK AND I DNT KNOW IF I HAD TO. BUT EITHER BRYCE OR ANNA WILL WIN CUZ IM A MES AND DONT DESERVE TO CUZ THEY WERE BOTH AMAZING FOR LETTING ME GET TO FTC. I WANNA THANK ANNA THE HOST FOR BEING AMAZING AND GREAT. I LIKED THE ALICE THEM CUZ HEART CUZ ICANT  EMOHJI, ,LOVED THIS SEASON AND UR ALL AMAZING HOSTS.

Im happy I made it to the final 3. And even though FTC was bad; I enjoyed it. I know I’m probably getting 3rd which is fine. I have so much respect to Annabelle and Bryce and everyone in the jury. I’m more excited to be able to talk to all of them again. Let’s see who is our winner will it be Bryce or Annabelle!? The hosts you guys were amazing and i had a great time this season. Im glad Jones pushed and convinced me to apply. Thank you for giving me a spot in this season. And Jones you da best. 💖💛💙

confession time. everytime i write one of these i put the day as who are u and my name as what day is it.. my mind always having to go change it. but um didnt think i would be writing another one of these FJKSADF but i have no self control and winner reveal is in 4 and a half hours and im literally sick FAKJDSk i feel so anxious and nervous like even if i lose im gonna be happy but i just really want to win also im still trying to process ppl not liking me or my gameplay and saying i played with their emotions FJKASDHFJ i had a blast. anyways this is the anthem of the day apparently https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhzN7SfnNeY

WHATS GOING ON?? IM TIRED IS WHATS GOING ON IM SO ANXIOUS! im sooo anxious i want to win. pls...

Bryce wins Celestial Marmoreal in a 4-3-0 vote!