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jae-daddy · 4 years

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Blind

jaebum!dickhead

masterlist

pairing: jaebum x reader genre: angst plot: you overhear your boyfriend Jaebum and his friends talking rudely about you. a/n: this was written a long time ago lol. I thought I’d post it instead of deleting it. not edited. hope y’all like it

“Dude, I can’t believe she followed you here,” you heard Yugyeom, as you neared the pool table the boys were surrounding.

Your eyes easily found Jaebum, as he leaned forward to take a shot. His black leather jacket stretching over his broad shoulders, his hair styled in a perfectly messy way. Even with his back towards you, you still felt butterflies flutter in your tummy as you thought of the way he looked tonight.

You thought back to the car ride. His hand on your thigh, inching higher until it slipped under your short skirt. He loved it when you wore short skirts and tight tops. It drove him crazy, he could never keep his hands off you.

Just as he had struggled to keep himself from parking his car at some random place and fuck you before you reached the party. You remember his throaty growl as he ripped his hand away from tracing your panty and to the steering wheel.

His jaw tight as his clenched the wheel, his knuckles turning white.

“I won’t be able to stop if I start baby,” he looked over at you, his eyes dark and filled with promise. You wanted him to do it, you didn’t care about this party.

But Jaebum did.

It was his friend’s party, and as a part of the popular kids troupe, he needed to show up.

“She didn’t follow him, she just misunderstood,” Youngjae clarified, his voice teasing. “Right, Jaebum?”

You stopped in your tracks, feeling your stomach drop.

“You really need to learn to draw boundaries with her bro,” Jackson told Jaebum as he missed a shot. You saw Jaebum grimace at the missed shot, before looking up to meet Jackson’s eyes. When he didn’t say anything, Jackson sighed, “She can’t keep following you-”

“Y/n is not following me,” Jaebum cut him off. You let go of the breath you were holding in, the tight line your lips were drawn into relaxed slightly.

“Was she invited?” Nate asked, shooting Jaebum a knowing smirk.

“No,” Jaebum sighed.

“Did you invite her?”

“Well, no.”

You felt like you were about to vomit.

“Y/n is always clinging to your side,” Nick told him, before taking a sip of his beer. “You are never free to do anything. You are always with her, it’s like y’all are in a relationship.

“If you were hitting that, then I’d support you, bro,” Yugyeom mumbled, shrugging.

“Yeah right,” Nate snorted. “like anyone would hit that.”

You watched Jaebum, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t. He just stared at Nate, with a grimace barely noticable.

“Dude, be honest,” Nate smiled at Jaebum, “would you hit that?”

When Jaebum didn’t reply, Nate’s smile grew bigger, “Has she tried hooking up with you?”

You felt sick.

Your mind instantly went to that night when you had kissed Jaebum. The night that had started it all. You were at a party just like this, and somehow you both ended up in the same bedroom hiding away.

You were waiting for your friend to finish hooking up and were tired to creeps so you hid the room. Jaebum stumbled in a few minutes later.

You were scared at first, thinking it was a drunk boy. You were terrified because the music was so loud you weren’t sure if anyone would be able to hear you if you had screamed for help.

But your panic turned into interest as you saw the staggering figure straighten as they closed the door. You watched Jaebum fall onto the bed and let out an exhausted sigh. You saw him pull out his phone, dialling someone as he pinched his nose, “Hello, 911?”

Jaebum wouldn’t let you out of his sight after he spotted you. You knew too much. You had the power to ruin his popularity. So you ended up spending the whole night with Jaebum, talking about random things.

By the end of the night, you realised there was more to him then the superficial bad boy act he puts up. You couldn’t help yourself but kiss him before you had to leave.

it felt like a final goodbye. You knew that after that night ended, you would never get the chance again. So you took the chance, you kissed him.

And, he kissed you back.

He had pulled you in, bringing you to his lap. He had stopped you two before things got too heated. And then, he snuck into your bedroom for more late night conversations.

Jaebum had asked you to be his girlfriend a month ago. A month had passed and no one knew that you and Jaebum were together. People thought it was a unlikely pair, but it was friendship at most.

“No way!” Yugyeom gasped, “For real? What happened?”

Jaebum just shook his head. You could see the smug smile on his face, and it hurt your heart.

Just an hour ago, he was holding back from railing you in the backseat of his car.

You snapped out of your thoughts as you watched Jaebum move around the table. You watched his face as he spoke.

“I told her I was coming here tonight, and she kind of just tagged along,” Jaebum sighed, ignoring the comments. He scratched the back of his head nervously, as he studied the guys staring at him. The other boys looked at him with knowing looks as they shook their heads. “I know I should’ve clarified, but I feel bad for her.”

You were actually going to be sick. You dug your nails into your palms, biting your lip tightly to stop yourself from crying in the middle of the party. You knew you should walk away, but you wanted to hear it. Even as it hurt your heart.

Even if it felt like Jaebum sunk his claws into your chest and wrenched your heart out. You wanted to hear what your boyfriend had to say about you.

There was Im Jaebum, your boy friend, standing in a group with his friends, talking about how he felt bad for you.

You felt your heart sink, and your stomach churn, as you heard him continue.

“She's been through a lot. None of her friends talk to her anymore, I can’t just tell her to buzz off,” Jaebum explained, his voice coated with desperation wanting his friends to understand, to agree with his justification. “And it’s not too bad. She’s here doing her thing, and I’m doing mine.”

“Bro,” Yugyeom gave him a dry look, snorting at Jaebum, “how can you be doing your thing when you can’t even hook up with other girls because you have to take her home?”

“I don’t need to-”

“Sara is here,” Youngjae smirked at Jaebum. You saw Jaebum freeze at her name. He had said her name a few times to you before, “She asked about you.”

“Bro!” Yugyeom gaped at Jaebum who still hadn’t found it in himself to start moving again. “Sara!”

Finally, Jaebum leaned against the table. His hands grabbing the edge, as his shoulders fell with his head as he sighed, “Fuck.”

“You could be hooking up with Sara but you’re stuck babysitting,” Youngjae laughed.

“Hey, but she looked kind of all right tonight,” Nate shrugged. “That little crop top of hers really shows those,” he held up his hands in front of him gesturing to your boobs. “I mean, I would pity fuck that. Give her the gift of knowing a good time.”

Your feet began moving backwards as you started moving away from the group. You couldn’t hear anymore. You can’t stand there and watch as your boyfriend acted like you didn’t matter to him. You can’t stand there, listen and pretend that what they said didn’t hurt you, that it didn’t hurt you that Im Jaebum might have never loved you at all.

You bumped into someone, and you turned around apologising.

You didn’t want to hear what else they had to say. You didn’t want to see how else Jaebum would let them talk about you. You didn’t want to find out how Jaebum thought of you.

“Shit, sorry,” you whispered, your voice shaking. You lifted your gaze to find soft brown ones looking at you with sympathy. His hands gently rested on your shoulders as he steadied your stumbling feet.

“It’s okay,” Mark said, softly. He was part of their group. If he wasn’t behind you, he would probably be standing next to Jackson, laughing along with them. You didn’t want his sympathy.

You didn’t want anything from him.

Your eyes began burning as his eyes drifted behind to the group of boys laughing, before settling back on you.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked. You brushed his hands off your shoulders and took a step back.

You didn’t meet his eyes as you nodded, unable to speak.

You walked around him, and headed straight for the door. You didn't look back at Jaebum or stop until you were outside the house.

Even then, you kept walking down the street, your feet picking up speed as you tried running away from the loud noises in your head.

You felt sick, you felt tired.

Your heart broke into a tiny million pieces as their words kept replying in your mind. But that’s not what broke you.

The thing that hurt you the most was Jaebum. He didn’t do anything, he didn’t say anything. He just let them, he laughed with them, he agreed with them.

You stopped when your lungs started to burn, and you couldn't go any further.

You called for an Uber and waited on the side of the road. You stared at your phone, waiting for Jaebum to notice you were missing.

You wanted him to text you, to call you. You wanted him worry about you, to show any proof that he did like you back. Even a silver of how much you loved him, you wanted even the slightest of his love back.

It was all you needed to help you stay together and not fall apart.

You stared at the screen as the Uber pulled up. You stared at it all through the ride. You didn’t look up as you thanked the driver.

You locked the door as you entered your house. You stared at the phone, biting your lips.

You shouldn’t send him anything. He hadn’t even noticed.

But then, against your better judgement, you decided to send it, ‘I’m home.’

You changed and got into your bed, covering yourself with your blankets.

You didn’t shower. You were too tired to shower. You were too tired to do anything. You were too tired to even close your eyes and pretend to go to sleep.

You knew sleep wasn’t going to come easily tonight. Not when you kept on thinking about the smile on Jaebum’s face as he listened to his friends talk about you. Not when you remembered the way his shoulders and head slummed with defeat when he found out Sara had asked about him.

There was no way sleep was coming easy to you when all you wanted to do was cry.

You didn’t cry though.

You tried not to cry, you tried to hold back the tears, at first. But then, you couldn’t stop them. The tears silently rolled down your face, as you lay on your side.

You felt the pillow get wet, but you ignored it as you blankly stared at the wall instead. Your hands desperately clenched the blanket, as you tried to calm yourself down, before you began uncontrollably sobbing.

Jaebum’s reply came a few minutes later. ‘What?’

‘Are you alright?’

‘Are you sleeping?’

‘Should I come over?’

After five minutes, your phone rang.

You saw Jaebum’s name on the phone.

Your chest ached seeing his name on the phone. You wanted to pick it up.

But, you ignored it and turned the phone over as you slipped it under your pillow.

It rang again, and again. Three more times, before you picked it up.

“What the fuck?!” He gnarled into the phone, you could hear the wind rushing past him. It sounded like he was speeding somewhere.

You didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue.

“Are you okay? Why did you leave early?”

“I’m okay,” you rasped, your voice hurting your throat. “I don’t feel well. I’m going to sleep.”

“You sound horrible,” Jaebum replied softly, the panic in his voice subsiding. The softness in his voice made new tears escape down your face. You moved away from the phone and wiped your tears.“Do you want me to come over, babe?”

You hated it.

You hated how your heart trembled when he called your baby.

“No,” you rasped, your lower lip trembling as you held back a sob, “I just need to be alone.”

You sniffled your nose as you swallowed, your vision blurring.

Jaebum remained quiet for a moment, the wind rushing past slowing down now, “Okay, take care. Call me tomorrow, okay, babe?”

“Goodbye, Jaebum,” was all you said before ending the call.

You didn't hold it back anymore.

Your body curled into a ball, as it began shaking furiously as sobs raked through you.

Your hand clasped over your mouth as you sobbed into the dark night.

Your heart, broken and bleeding by the one boy you had trusted.

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theravencawsatmidnight · 4 years

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Pink Chains

Pt 3

Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment.

Punk! Kyotani x Bubbly! F! Reader. ❤️

Kyo had walked you to school after the both of you had calmed down. He hated seeing you cry jesus christ, it hurt him to his core. All he could think about was those tears running down your pretty face down to your fake smile. He was really falling for you, this was a first for him so he had no idea if what he had been doing was right or what.

You skipped ahead of him, he glanced up a couple times and got a big smile on his face. You had on a blue dress with flats and his jacket on, it was too big for you of course but you insisted on wearing it. And that's when he knew he was doing it right. Seeing you in his clothes and having that big smile on your face that was just for him.

“Kyooo!!! I gotta go!”

He shook his head walking to you and putting his arms around your shoulders. “Do you? Skip sweetie.” He teased looking over you to see people staring.

“Kyo!” You gave him an angry face and he just laughed kissing your head. “I'll turn you into a rule breaker yet. Have a good day sweetie.”

“Not uh!” You squeezed him tightly for a minute. “Dont sweat this morning kay?!? I can fight with you, are you working today?”

Your words cut him deep, sure his friends had his back but this was .. different. You were willing to defend him from anything . Hopefully you never had to do that. He ran his fingers through your head and swayed a bit whispering in your ear. “People are staring,”

You giggled just squeezing him more and Kyo smirked , he placed a light smack on your thigh stepping back chuckling at the little yip you did .

“Kyo!”

“Yeah sweetie i work today but im closing early, beach volleyball with friends . Ill text you when i close up shop okay?”

“You better!!” You placed a kiss on his chest and ran off into the school looking back and waving before disappearing.

Kyo waited till you were in the school before leaving. He shot everyone a smug ass grin too as he made his way down the street. Fuck his car was still at the store.

Kyo was not in any rush to get to work. Hell it was his store whos gonna rage at him? No one . Hes the boss. And besides Iwaizumi is most likely there already opening up the store anyway. The heavy rings on his right hand clicked all around while he made his way down the boardwalk strip , hands in his pockets while he eyed all the shops.

Buncha no good stores. If it didn't cost so much to get his brand up and running he could have a bigger building , or at least a better location-… he stopped walking and shook his head. “That's a terrible idea. Kyotani cmon get it together.” He sighed, rubbing his sleeve. “I would never had met her..”

Bbbbbbeeep

“Mad Dog chaaaaaaan!!!!” A car zoomed up to him skidding to a stop . Oikawa peaked out the window grinning.

Meanwhile, you were just getting into the first class of the day. Everyone was sneaking looks at you because of the jacket but you had no idea. You were too caught up on last night to really pay attention. Trying to take your mind off it you pulled a red notebook from your bag to doodle while listening to the teacher.

Soon enough the blank notebook page was full of design ideas; red pandas with hats , clothes and big fluffy tails. The designs were really cute , your teacher even complimented them from time to time . But you really just wanted a brand to pick you up, graduation was soon and you did not want to not have a job lined up.

“Y/n.. hey y/n”

A voice next to you alerted you to look up and over to see Kio, the girl who sat next to you in class.

“Oh hey Kio, whats up?!?”

Kio placed her hand on her head with her elbow on the table looking you over in this jacket. She never really talked to you unless she needed notes and was only taking this class for the credit she needed .

“That jacket is so different from what you wear y/n. Where'd ya get it?”

You were about to answer her but heard a snicker behind you , must be Yukio, Kios friend, also in need of credits for graduation. Would probably be best not to mention the store, Kyo did not need the harassment.

“Its my boyfriend's jacket!” You told them pulling it close with a big smile on your face.

Kio and Yukio locked eyes then looked at you .

“Boyfriend?” Kio asked.

“Looks like he has the opposite style as you y/n.” Yukio chimed in , leaning over her table. “Was he that guy with you this morning?”

“Yep!!!”

“He looks.. familiar..” Kio said tapping her pen on his lips.

“He does huh?” Yukio said leaning closer. “Whats his name hm?”

“..Kyo?” You were starting to get uncomfortable with all the questions.

“Oh!!!” Yuki yipped looking at Kio. “Kyotani! The Sendai Frogs!!!”

“..the Frogs? So hes..” Kio shot you a look. “He beat up Bokuto. For no goddamn reason.”

You shuffled around in your seat sneaking glances at the clock hoping it would somehow speed up so you could leave. It was not their business to know the reason behind it. Kyo was a very sweet guy , you had only known him a day but in those hours together you had never been happier; he opened up to you, cried even. Kyotani genuinely feels bad about that incident. He helped you through the tattoo instead of getting upset and brought you around his friend. The smirky smile he threw you always gave you butterflies in your stomach and sent your heart a flutter. He was just a misunderstood guy trying to start over with his friends.

You pulled the jacket off as soon as you heard the sweet sound of the bell and gathered up your bag standing up with the jacket over your arm close to your heart.

“Where do you think youre goin?” Kio got up following you out of the classroom along with Yukio. “Were not done y/n.”

Yukio grabbed your bag yanking it back and You spun around with a big smile and a sweet but slightly angry voice. “Kyo is a good guy and i really like him. I don't care if you two don't. You dont know the whole story either. And please stop following me, its not nice.” You waved at them so they could see your tattoo and you left in a quick pace down the hall . You pulled your phone from your bag texting with shaky hands.

Oikawa had dropped Kyo off at his store so he could drive home to shower and change and then go back to start his shift. He was tired and thankful no one could tell he had been crying the night before. Iwaizumi probably knew but he did not say anything, not with Oikawa around.

Kyo had on his shops uniform shirt which was a red dog house on a black shirt that said The Dog House on the back wrapped in chains. The summer line was selling smoothly and Mattsun had let him know that Yahaba agreed to come to the beach volleyball . He helped Iwaizumi unload a shipment while Oikawa was manning the front .

“So how'd it go last night?” He asked, passing Kyo a box.

“I told her .. everything.” The box was set down

“Oh ..? You? You did? What she say?” Iwa got another box groaning from its weight and giving it to Kyo

“Fucking hell.. would it kill them to pack the boots in all the boxes.. she said she was not scared of me. Dammit Iwaizumi she said she would fight with me.” He set the box down cursing .

“Fuck.. Kyotani.” Iwaizumi closed the truck up patting the back watching it drive off. “I know you've only just met her but she seems- Kyo?” He looked at his friend and he was staring at his phone , he looked like he was going to punch something .

Y/n: Kyo.. these girls in my class asked me about my jacket so i said it's my boyfriends and they asked your name cuz you look familiar and I told them and they .. brought up the Incident .

Y/N: i uhm, i did not say anything else but they were upset cuz they like Bokuto i guess but.. i left and they followed me and.. yanked me back. I .

Y/n: i was tough like you would be and asked them to leave me alone and i left. But.. uhm.. can.. can you call me when you can please..

“Iwaizumi...”

“You dont gotta say it. I can watch the front for a minute. “ he put his hand in Kyotanis arm watching his friend huff and puff . “Relax. Take a deep breath. “ Iwaizumi left his friend and Kyotani sat down on a box outside looking at the clouds in the sky with his phone to his ear.

“Kyo…” you sounded shaky and panicked

“Sweetie. Take a deep breath.” He was surprisingly calm sounding. He wanted to explode on the inside though, march right back to that school and take you into his arms and scare the hell out of those girls..He heard you breath in and out a few times till it evened out.

“Alright. Where are you right now Sweetie?”

“The.. outside.. courtyard..”

“Is it pretty there? Tell me what you see.” He leaned back on a box with his back to his shop. He brought one knee up tracing his index finger around in one of the holes in his jeans tugging at the strings making it bigger.

“Uhm… magnolias.. an oak tree.. some students are studying. It is pretty..”

“Sweetie..”

“Yes..?”

“Everything is okay now. Okay?”

“I.. yeah.. I tried to be tough but..i don't know. I said your a good guy cuz you are and I asked them to leave me alone.”

He ripped a few strings in the hole maging it even bigger over his knee. “Do you want me to pick you up after school?”

“Yeah.. i .. i just.”

“Ill be there sweetie.” He suddenly got an idea. “Promise. Now hows my happy girls day going now?”

He heard you giggle and the both of you relaxed slowly while you talked on the phone. You told him about your classes and the doodles you did too and Kyo asked you to send him them, he did not say why though.

“I gotta go sweetie. Ill be out front okay?”

“Kay.. have a good day Kyo.”

“You too Sweetie.” He hung up the phone and got up feeling the fire in him grow again.

After moving the boxes in he went to the front pulling Kawa and Iwa aside to the register explaining what happened. They were both upset over what they heard. Kyotani smirked texting Mattsun then looking at his friends.

“So after beach volleyball you know what we gotta do right?”

“Ou im excitedddd.” Kawa said with a big smile

“I gotta say im excited too.” Iwa said smirking and leaning on the register . “Im sure Mattsun is eager too.”

Kyo looked down reading the text with a side smirk. “Fuck with my girl and see what happens…”

@squeaky-ducky @zoppzoop

@haikyuu-but-low-iq @mochababes @kozushiki. @milkbreadcat @derpeedoo

#PinkChains #kyotani x reader #kyotani kentaro #kyotani 💕

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fanficsrusz · 5 years

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New family - John Wick oneshot

A/n: just a super fluffy request from @all-thingslovely.

Summary: After dating John for a while, its finally time for john to meet y/n's daughter. But, will she accept him?

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Running her hands over the smooth material of her dress, y/n smiled as she turned looking at her outfit in different angles. It was a simple off the shoulder dress that flared out at the bottom and rested just above her knees, it hugged her figure in all the right ways. She felt and looked beautiful. Taking one last look in the mirror she decided that her loose hair and simple make up were perfect and so turned to her daughter for approval. “What do you think” y/n looked at her daughter, Josie, who was just sitting on the bed. Josie was y/n’s 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage that fell apart when y/n husband was killed at war. It has taken several years but y/n had started to date again and this is what josie didn't like. Josie never told her mum why she hated her dating so much and was planning on keeping that way, so whenever y/n would find a new guy, josie would do everything in her power to make sure they wouldn't stay together. Was it selfish? Yes. did she care? no

Josie gave a small smile and stood up hugging her mum. “You look beautiful as always mum. Do you really need to go out with him again?” y/n sighed and pulled josie to sit down on the bed with her.

y/n had been seeing a certain John wick for a few months now, the longest she had dated anyone since the end of her first marriage and she had fallen for him hard. He was perfect. Perfect smile. Perfect eyes. Perfect everything.

“JJ. you know how much i love you right?” y/n paused and watched at josie fell back on the bed before nodding in agreement. “Then why are you always against me going out with men?” josie shrugged and continued to look up at the ceiling, avoiding any eye contact with her mum. Josie knew why she hated the thought of her mum falling in love again but she didn't want to admit it. How could she? So instead she fell into this routine of just trying to push any man away from her mum.

Looking at her daughters saddened expression, y/n fell back onto the bed laying next to josie. “Look, I really like John, and if you will let me, i would like you two to meet soon. I think you two would like eachother” those words made josie jump up and tears to pool in her eyes. “WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO ME TO MEET HIM? I DON’T WANT TO MEET HIM” she practically screamed and y/n was shocked. She had never seen her daughter act like this, especially to her. Josie saw the shock in her mum’s eyes and looked down saying a small sorry. y/n stood and hugged her, kissing the top of her head. “I don't know why you hate the idea of me dating so much but when i come back later, i want you to tell me why ok? So you better get your story straight”.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door. “That must be John. right little miss, behave and i will be back no later than 10. If anything was to happen-” josie interrupted her “ yeah yeah i know. Call the police ``. y/n smiled and kissed her again “ i love you jj.” “love you too mum”. y/n ran down the stairs to meet john and josie watched from the window as the two walked to the car john had; a mustang. As much as she hated to admit it, johns car was pretty decent.

“y/n you look stunning” john smiled as she opened the door, “I could say the same about you” she laughed and john kissed her on the cheek. He was wearing a plain black shirt and jeans with a leather jacket, but somehow he still managed to look good in a such a simple outfit. Walking to the car, john caught the sight of josie standing at the window looking down at them, he gave a small wave with a smile which was returned by the young girl walking off. Johns smile fell and y/n looked at him with a sympathetic smile. “Dont worry about it, she's like that with everyone. I'm sure once she gets to meet you properly, she will love you” y/n tried her best to reassure him as they began to make their way to the cinema for their date.

y/n and john had felt a connection from the second they had met, it was like an electric shock that awoken something within them and y/n had finally felt happy for the first time in a long time and once she found out that John had lost his wife, it was as if their lives were destined to cross paths. It also helped that John was a hot. Even Though he was older than herself, john had this aura about him that drew y/n. his eyes were a deep brown that told the story of his life and his hair was on the longerside and framed his face that had a slight beard. He was perfect.

“What are you thinking about?” John asked as he drove, y/n looked at him and smiled, “just how similar we are” john chuckled and looked at her briefly before she continued “except for your job. That scares me. I don't even know how you did that for so long” she joked. John had told her about his job a while back and was shocked when she didn't run for the hills but he did reassure her that he had gotten out for good this time. “You know i wouldn't let anything happen to you. Or to josie” he spoke and y/n smiled “I know ``. y/n sat back in her seat as john pulled the car into the car park. “Im worried about josie, john. I just want her to be happy. I want to be happy. I want her to accept you to accept us” john faced y/n and pulled her face so she would look at him in the eyes before placing a deep kiss to her lips. “ its true that you should want your daughter to be happy, but that doesn't mean sacrificing your own happiness. She will just have to learn to deal with it” y/n smiled and pulled away from the man in front of her. “Come on, we’re going to miss out film” and with that the two began to make their way inside the cinema.

4 hours later and john was dropping y/n off outside her house. “I still don't understand how the film could end like that…. I need more answers” y/n rambled as the two walked towards the front door and john just stared at the woman. y/n stopped as she reached the front door, turning to face john. John suddenly pushed his rough lips against y/ns soft ones. He moved his lips against hers skillfully and y/n couldn't help but let out a small moan and john pulled back. “I love you” he whispered and y/n smiled. “I….i love you too. This was the first time either of them had said those three words. It almost felt alien for them to fall from her mouth. The pair resumed their previous kiss and it was only interrupted when the door was pulled open revealing an angry Josie. The two parted and looked at the girl. “Uhhh hi. You must be Josie. I've heard so much about you”. John turned to the young girl and offered his hand, josie just looked at it giving him a disgusted look, instead turning to her mother. “You're late” josie said sternly. It was as if y/n was her daughter, coming back past curfew. y/n was so embarrassed about the rudeness her daughter was displaying, this wasn't how she had raised her.

Moving to stand next to her daughter, y/n patted the top of josie's blonde hair in a way which warned josie that she was being rude and that she would be in trouble if she didn't at least pretend to be nice. “JJ dont you have anything to say to john?” y/n spoke with a tone that josie knew was her strict voice. Josie turned to john before sighing, she didn't want to upset her mum. “Ive….. heard of you” she spoke as if the words were venom in her mouth before she turned and stormed off into the living room. y/n turned to john and looked at him apologetically. “Im sorry. She doesn't really like me dating, i'm going to talk to her. She just needs to grow up.`` John just smiled understanding what the girl must have been going through. “Kids are hard. She’s just looking out for you. Don’t worry about it and don’t be too harsh on her. I’ll call you tomorrow” john gave y/n one last kiss before walking off to the car, taking one last glance at her before he drove off.

y/n walked into the house, following after josie before finding her sitting on the floor holding a picture of her dad, tears streaming down her face. “JJ?” y/n called walking slowly over to the young girl on the floor. She crouched and josie wiped the tears from her face. “What's wrong?” josie just ignored her and y/ns sat next to her properly pulling her into a hug and josie just burst into tears and y/n stroked her hair waiting for the girl to calm down before she was able to tell her why she was crying.

Once her tears slowed, y/n moved josie to look at her. “Are you ready to tell me why you're so upset?” josie nodded and looked at her fathers picture, a single tear falling onto the glass. “ I miss dad so much” she mumbled and y/n felt the tears in her eyes as well. People said time was a good healer but it still hurt so much. “I miss him to JJ” y/n’s voice cracked and josie looked at her before continuing. “ mum. I don't want you to replace dad. I don't want you to forget about him” y/n was shocked that her daughter would think this. “Is this why you don’t like me dating? Why you don’t like john?” josie nodded and y/n pulled her in for a hug. “JJ i would never even dream of replacing him. He holds a very special place in my heart but so does john. I love him” josie pushed her mum away in anger. “ YOU ARE REPLACING HIM. YOURE TRYING TO REPLACE DAD WITH JOHN. HOW COULD YOU.” josie stood up and stormed off. She had misunderstood what y/n meant and rushed to her own conclusion. “that's not what i-” y/n couldn't even finish her sentence as josie ran to her room, slamming the door behind her. Standing up, y/n looked at the picture of her late husband. “You were always so much better at this than I was” she closed her eyes and held the picture to her chest before placing back in its spot on the mantelpiece.

Walking towards josie's room, josie’s words raced around her head. She knew what she must do in order to make her daughter happy even if it meant her own happiness was neglected. y/n knocked on the door and waited for a response that never came. Opening the door she was met with josie curled up on her bed, a soft “go away” fell from the girls lips. y/n ignored her and walked over to sit next to her, stroking her hair she began to speak. “JJ i love you so much and I think you’re right” y/n sighed hating what her next words would be. She closed her eyes before continuing. “in the morning I will call john and end things. I will stop seeing him”. A tear fell from her eye and josie sat up, suddenly feeling guilty. This is what she wanted all along, but why didn't she feel happy? “Mum-” y/n held up her hand and gave a weak smile, brushing off any attempts of josie trying to reassure her. “I think it's time you went to bed.” and y/n left the room making her way towards her own bed. “My own happiness doesn't matter as long as JJ’s happy” she whispered to herself, trying to justify her decision.

It was 4am and y/n was awoken by the ringing of her phone. She opened her eyes and grabbed her phone, holding it to her ear. “Hello?” y/n asked not even bothering to read the caller id, her sister's voice soon echoed through the other end of the line “oh God y/n i need help. There's been an accident with mum. You need to get here now” y/n bolted up as she began to panic. She didn't need this right now. y/n ran to gather things before running into josie's room but she soon stopped. She didn't want to upset the girl with news that her grandmother was hurt. “What should I do?” she whispered to herself contemplating various options, she didn't have friends close enough to leave her with and other family members were to far away. There was only one person left. Sighing she began to wake josie up. “JJ wake up” the girl mumbled in her sleep before waking up. “mum? What's wrong?” the girl sat up. “Um, there's been an accident at work and I need to go and attend to it. Im begging you to just go along with my plan and I will make it up to you” the girl nodded “ im going to take you to John’s-” thats all the girl needed before she started to yell and y/n grew impatient and annoyed, she wasn't one to normally argue with her daughter. In Fact she was normally very calm and lenient, but she didn't have time to play games . “JOSIE I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS” y/n shouted, scaring Josie a little. “Please” she whispered and josie just nodded, knowing when her mum was being serious and began to get dressed.

10 minutes later and y/n was knocking on the johns front door. She had been there a few times before but his house still amazed her. A sleepy john opened the door, stood in some baggy tracksuit bottoms and a white shirt, john looked adorable. His hair was messy and he rubbed his eyes, if under any other circumstances, y/n would have swooned at how good he looked. “y/n? What's wrong?” John asked, concerned laced his voice. Who wouldn’t be concerned when their girlfriend suddenly appeared at their front door at God knows what time. “there's been an incident, im so sorry to ask you to do this, but do you mind watching Josie for me? It will only be for a few hours I promise” she quickly explained and john looked down at the girl who didn't make any eye contact, instead she stood with her arms crossed. John nodded “sure, absolutely.” he smiled and y/n turned to josie “ be nice” y/n said kissing her head and josie just nodded. “Thank you” y/n mouthed to john and ran off to go to her mother's house.

Stepping aside, he invited josie inside. “Umm it's nice to finally meet you JJ” josie gave john an angered look as she walked inside “only my mum gets to call me that” she snapped and john held up his hands in defence “sorry. Umm do you want anything to eat? Drink?” josie shook her head, instead she just walked into the living room and sat on the sofa. She didn't want to admit it but johns house was massive and beautifully designed. She looked at the photos on the wall and stopped on one. It was john with another woman and she felt angry. “Whos the women john? I thought you loved my mum” she spoke in a sarcastic tone and John looked at the picture the girl was talking about. “Ohhh shes my wife. Well she's dead now actually” josie suddenly felt guilty. “Oh im sorry” she said quietly “don't be. You're just worrying for your mum.” josie sat there for a moment longer before speaking “how did she die?” John sat next to her and leaned back “well she got sick and it eventually became too much for her to handle. It was the hardest time of my life, but ive had time to heal ``. he looked down and it was obvious it still hurt him. Jossie knew the pain he felt. “ my dad died at war” it was her turn to look down and her heart ached. Looking up she saw a few more pictures on the coffee table of him and a women, except this time it was pictures of john and y/n. Picking up one of them she looked over it, she had never seen this photo before. In the photo, y/n smiled looking at the camera and john was behind her pulling a silly face. She hadn't seen her mum look that happy for so long and she felt herself smile at the picture. She turned to John who was also looking at the picture. She was about to say something but a movement in the hallway caught her eye. A dog came running in barking and rushed over to the girl. “OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A DOG?????”. Josie screamed in excitement and began to fuss the animal. “What's his name?” she asked looking up at john “dog” he replied dead pan and josie just laughed. “That's a stupid name. Mum wont let me have a dog” she pouted, causing John to smile. He looked at the girl as she played with the dog, she looked exactly like her mother and her smile was the same. John had never had the chance to have his own child and he felt a small ache in his heart.

Not wanting to face the pain, he looked at the clock and it read 6am “there's no point in going back to bed now. Ummm do you want to watch some tv?” John asked and josie noddeed. John turned to the tv and went straight to the horror channel forgetting about the young girl next to him. He hated to admit it but he loved horror films. “You like horror films?” josie said shocked and john looked at the girl suddenly remembering her presence. “Oh, sorry. We can watch cartoons instead” jossie shook her head “nonononon i looooovvvvvvveeeee horror films. Mum never lets me watch them” john laughed at y/ns concern imagining how overprotective she was. “Its because she cares about you a lot.” jossie looked down at her hands. She had only been around john for about and hour and she finally understood why her mum had fallen in love with the man. He was kind, considerate, he loved animals and was one of the only men who didn't run away from y/n the second they found out she had a daughter. Josie had also realised just how much they had in common. Maybe jossie had grew up suddenly or maybe she had actually begun to liked john but Josie sighed and turned to john. “How much do you love my mum?” she asked quietly and john looked up smiling “I love her a lot. She has made me so happy and I don't think I could manage without her now. She's beautiful and full of life. You’re a lot like her actualy” he looked at jossie and saw the guilt in her eyes. “Why do you ask?” jossie fell to knees suddenly and began to apologise. John was confused and stopped her “why are you apologising” josie wiped away a tear and began to tell him the truth. “I'm so sorry. When you left last night me and mum argued and I told her that I didn't want you to replace my dad and she must have felt guilty because she said that she would end things with you in the morning” she watched at sadness took over John's face and she suddenly stood up causing John to jump “wait. I have an idea.” josie spoke excitedly pulling a wicked smile as she hatched a plan. “Should I be scared? Your mum pulls the same face when she suddenly gets a weird idea” john laughed as josie began to explain her plan.

5pm and y/n was finally back from her mother's house, thankfully it was nothing serious and y/n was ready to pick up Josie and to go home. Walking up to the front door, y/n found a note waiting for her on the doorbell. She read the words carefully

‘y/n

Come to the garden for a special surprise

J & J’

Y/N was confused but smiled at the little note and made her was to the garden. As she walked around the side of the house, Dog came running up to her with a small bow tie on and another note. She stroked the dog “what on earth is going on?” she asked the dog as he barked and she read the note. ‘Hello y/n. I am your waiter for the evening. Please follow me to your table’ and as if the dog knew, he ran off to the garden. As she walked around the corner, y/n gasped. Fairy lights were hung across the trees and illuminated the garden as the sun was setting. A small blanket was hung between two trees and a small projector connected to a laptop was set up. A picnic blanket laid across the grass with a hamper set up. “John? JJ?” she called as she struggled to contain the smile that spread across her face at the scene in front of her. “Welcome home” johns deep voice called from behind her. It was like smooth honey to her ears. y/n spun around and saw john stood there in his jeans and a shirt. He looked stunning. “John what is all this?” she asked and he smiled “ well josie explained the little argument you guys had and she had the idea to do this to make up for it. This was all her idea. I couldn't have done this without her” y/n looked down as the young girl stepped out from behind john. “Josie?” she asked and the girl smiled weakly. “Surprise” she said and y/n walked over to her “mum i just wanted to apologise. I shouldn't have gotten in the way of your happiness. I was being so childish and stupid that i didnt see how good john was for you. John will never replace dad and im ready to accept him into the family.” josie grabbed her mums hand and placed it into john's hand. y/n cried and turned to josie. “JJ i don’t know what to say. Thank you” she kissed her daughter on the cheek and john began to pull y/n over to the picnic whilst josie stayed behind with dog. John stopped half way and turned to face the girl “you coming?”. Josie laughed and ran over to the two “call me JJ john” she said as she hugged her mother's side. y/n gave John a shocked look at the girls desire for john to call her the nickname that only she had ever called her by. John looked just as shocked.

Eventually josie had fallen asleep on the picnic blanket as she cuddled up to Dog. John and y/n hugged as the film they were watching finished. “What have you done to my real daughter?” y/n joked as she looked up at john and he just shrugged “ I did nothing”. She leaned up and kissed john passionately “well im happy thats shes happy. And im happy I have you. I love you” she whispered leaning against his shoulder and he looked down at the scene in front of him “I love you too” he said kissing the top of her head. John had finally got his little family and josie had finally accepted the man her mother loved. It was as if the world had fallen into place for all three of them.

The end

____________

Taglist

@gwenebear

#john wick #keanu reeves #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves x you #john wick oc #john wick imagine #john wick x reader #john wick x you #keanucharlesreeves #John wick #keanu reeves x oc

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avidfanficwriter · 5 years

Text

Failed Repetition (Chapter 3)

Characters: Chris Evans X OFC!

Summary: For as long as Chris can remember, he’s wanted to get married. He has wanted the white picket fence, beautiful wife on his arm and a house full of kids unlike his counterpart who isn’t thrilled with the prospect of marriage.

Rating: T

Warnings: Cursing.Mention of sexual acts/Situations.

Tags: wolflhards. @tacohead13

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4.

Take care, Reagan.

The note was ended as if they hadn't spent the last six years together, like they hadn't lived together for four years or the 'I love yous' shouted during nights of passion were meaningless.

The note closes as if they were strangers, two random people who accidently bumped into one another on the sidewalk. Distant, Cold and longing to get away from one another. This wasn't how two people in love parted.

Was this what he deserved? A note as a goodbye--In place of a conversation? No explanation. No speech. Just a discarded piece of paper left on the counter and an insensitive 'Take care.'

Twenty minutes after reading the note, it finally starts to sink in, Chris calls Reagan and leaves her a long rambling voicemail that says nothing more than, "I love you, please come back." in fifteen different ways. He promises he'll stop bring marriage up, that it's not even that important to him if it costs him her. They should talk in person, he says the first thing that comes to his mind in the voicemail and it mimics someone whose entirely lost, which he is. She's gone and he's to blame.

The pain hasn't set in yet, right now it's just pure panic.

He wanders around the house, searching for anything to keep his mind occupied while he waits for her to call back. Two hours pass and he sends her a text message:

"Reagan I love you Im sorry just come home so we can talk about this."

No response.

The house feels like it's haunted with memories of Reagan, every space inside the home reminds him of her. The counter where she accidently spilled her tea onto one of his scripts, they spent three hours blowing drying the pages so they were legible. The couch in the living room that looked amazing in the store but they soon discovered looked terrible after being brought into their home. The hole in the wall from when they put the paintings up, Chris slipped and in order to avoid hitting Reagan with the hammer he slammed it into the wall creating a huge hole; it became a great conversation starter. If it's not the memories torturing him, it's his mind tricking him into believing she's home.

Chris starts to beat himself up, if he would have just told her he was awake when she came home this wouldn't have happened. If he wasn't stubborn for just one moment of his life, he wouldn't have lost the best thing to ever happen to him. Even if he would have joined her in the guest room or carried her into their bedroom, this could have played out differently. They could have spoken, he could have prevented her from leaving. He would be exiled to the couch but at least she would've been home.

By noon, Chris had resorted to drinking in order to prevent himself from calling Reagan, at first it seemed like a good idea, he'd get drunk enough to pass out and by tomorrow she would be home. His plan was flawed, instead of passing out, he wound up calling Reagan again.

"I miss you." He whispers into the phone, his body slack and head spinning. "I do. I miss all of you, your tiny smirk when I'd say something smart, the curl in your hair you always fought to get out of your eyes; the way you bit your lip when you read." He exhales deeply, closing his eyes and holding the phone tighter to his ear. "I miss how you sound when I'm buried inside of you, those fucking pretty little sounds you make. I miss feeling your thighs shake around my head while you pull my hair as you beg for more."

Sober Chris had boundaries. Drunk Chris didn't care. "The way you taste, how you linger on my tongue hours after we're done and all I want to do when I come home is bury my head between your thighs again. Fuck, Rea..." He groans, palming his erection through his sweatpants. "I love the way your lips feel against mine, how your heart rate increases when I kiss along your collarbone. How your chest rises as I kiss down your body like you're on full display for me. I love that... I love you, Reagan."

Phone call number two, is less sexual but not at all any better.

"Do you remember when we first started dating?" He asks, glancing at the photos of them along the wall. "You told me you only dated guys that took relationships series, I told you I was one of them and you made this big schedule of things for us to do for me to prove my worth? And one of them was cooking? You made this fucking amazing meal, that stuffed bell peppers stuff and a homemade cheesecake and when it came my turn It was so bad."

Chris lets out a small chuckle over the memory. "I tried to make some chicken recipe I found online but I burned it. The smoke detectors were going off, the house smelled like smoke and then you showed up and I thought you were going to run. I could see it, this look of fear on your face." Chris shakes his head, rubbing at his eyebrow. "I ended up making eggs and we had to eat them outside because of the smell. Then you made that pie for thanksgiving to take over to my mom's and I burned that too. All I had to do was take it out of the oven while you were in the shower but I forgot. We should do that again, Rea."

Chris closes his eyes. "My mother would kill me but I always loved your pies more. Blueberry was my favorite." He clears his throat. "Do you remember that blueberry one we made for my nieces fundraiser and somehow we ended up eating it on the floor in the kitchen? My sister was so mad at us."

Phone called number three is mess. Chris doesn't know what he's saying anymore or what he's even trying to get at. Words are just coming out.

"Reagan" He starts off, holding back a sob. "I walked into the bathroom earlier and your soap was gone. I started crying... over soap. Soap!" He sniffles and lets out a small laugh. "I spent twenty minutes just sobbing in the restroom. I was fine when I saw you took some clothes but that soap. That stupid grapefruit soap you took and it broke me." Chris starts chuckling as tears pile in his eyes. "I didn't cry over the note you left, I was shocked but that goddamn empty shelf in the shower broke me." He voices slowly trails off into a whisper.

Chris wipes a tear that falls from his eye, "You're not coming back tomorrow are you?" He questions with a deep sigh. "I just...I just wanna hear your voice, just pick up the phone, baby. God, Reagan." He pleads. "if you just give me a second to explain...."

"If you’re satisfied with your message, press 1. If you’re not and want to re-record, press 2. If you want to delete and start over, press 3." The voicemail recording interrupts him.

Chris growls, "Fuck!" he shouts throwing the phone across the room.

There's pain ripping through his chest as the hours pass, all he wants is for her to call him back or magically walk through the front door. He wants her to yell at him, call him an idiot, kick him out of the house that would hurt far less than what she's doing now. If they were arguing or fighting and she slammed the bedroom door on him it wouldn't hurt like this was. This, Reagan leaving with her things, refusing to answer his calls was torture. It felt like his heart was being pulled out of his body as if the arteries were being stretched until they tore.

He's done drinking, it's not helping, it's only worsening his heartache. The liquid seems to only intensify his emotions, everything makes him cry. The sight of a book she left, feels like a stab to the chest. Her coffee cup in the cabinet, makes him hold his chest and collapse to the ground. The smell of her perfume on the sheets in the guest bedroom makes him ill.

The second day isn't any easier, there's still no phone call from Reagan, or text message; or even an email. He drinks a cup of coffee and stares at the harrowing note that he hasn't been able to move from the counter. It's been reread multiple times as if he's searching for something else, a hidden meaning behind one of the words; or the possibility he's misunderstood it. There's nothing new, no matter how many times he reads it, it's just more heartache.

With his head on straight and no alcohol in his system, he calls her one more time.

The phone goes to voicemail and his stomach drops. There was a tiny part of him that expected her to answer this time. It's been twenty-four hours since he's seen her and even longer since he's spoken to her.

"Reagan," He starts out, calmly. "Baby," he tries to focus on his breathing, slow and deep breathes so he doesn't lose sight of what he's doing here. He wants Reagan to come home. That's his goal, to get his girl to come back home. "I... fuck." With a loud groan, he drops the phone from his ear and rubs his face. He doesn't know what to say or how to began. He's left her countless messages that got him nowhere, if any of them counted this was the one.. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. Just please come home, we can talk about this." He's bargaining, hoping she hears the sincerity in his voice before realizing his statement could be taken the wrong way. "No, I mean, we don't have anything to talk about. Okay? I fucked up, you're right. I shouldn't be forcing you to do what I want, I should've just shut up. I want to get married but if I have to choose between you or that, I choose you. I want you. I want you as my girl, my girlfriend, my friend, lover. Whatever we want to call it, I'm for. I can't lose you." He's rambling. "I love you, please just come home."

Three hours pass and the realization she may never come back home finally gets to him, he panics in the middle of making something to eat. It's a simple task but he caught sight of the Captain America: The First Avengers script Reagan had framed for him and it hit him like a punch to the gut.

His heart beat like a jackhammer, his mind is racing and he's struggling to breathe.

His fingers are tingling and the room is getting dangerously hot.

His body hurts and he's on the verge of passing out.

He can hear his heartbeat and feel it in his eardrums.

A panic attack.

Chris digs his cell phone out of his pocket and calls Reagan.

"Answer... Answer, Reagan. Please."

"This is Reagan, leave a message." Voicemail again.

He groans, hanging up the phone and grabs at his chest. The tips of his fingers are on fire, burning his skin, adding to the pain. Then he calls her again and again. Listening to her voice on her voicemail starts to calm him, his heart rate gets under control, the pressure on his lungs starts to dissipate. He can focus.

On the last phone call, he leaves one simple message. "Reagan, I'm so fucking sorry."

The next phone call he makes is wrong, it's not his place but if anyone knows how to get ahold of Reagan it would be her mother. She may have neglected to tell him where she was going but she would always tell her mother.

"Chris, she told me not to talk to you." Her mother says quickly after answering the phone.

He exhales deeply. "I just need to talk to her. She left in the middle of the night and she wont answer her phone."

"She's upset, Chris."

"I know!" He grabs his hair and groans. "I took it to far, I fucked up but I woke up and she was gone. Her stuff is gone and I'm suppose to just be okay with that?" He questions. "I don't get a chance to apologize or an opportunity to talk? I don't get to fight for her? She decides one night that we're done and that's it? I don't get told she doesn't want to be with me or that she doesnt love me to my face?"

Reagan's mother sighs. "Chris, honey..."

"We been together for six years, Margaret... six years. I love her. She's the last thing I think about before going to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I can't... This can't end this way."

Chris knocks on the door, quietly at first before building up the courage to knock harder. The lock clicks causing his heart to race then the door slowly opens and there she is. Their eyes meet and she looks away, glancing at the ground with a sigh. "My mother?" She asks.

"Your mother." Chris says, shoving his hands into his pockets.

#Chris Evans #Chris Evans fanfic #Chris Evans Fanfiction #Chris Evans Imagine #Chris Evans fic #Evans #Human Dorito #Steve rogers #Captain America #Captain America: The First Avenger #Captain Steve Rogers #Before we go

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thenamesseven · 6 years

Text

Plot: You had been so focused on the projects and exams that you had in the following weeks that you didn't even noticed when you delete Changbin's audio folder from your laptop. You literally deleted the new Stray Kids' album which resulted in a very angry Changbin and you getting the silent treatment.

Genre: Soft angst and fluffy (?)

Warnings: None.

This was a request! I hope this scenario is exactly what you wanted!

It had been an accident.

You truly didn't mean to do it but it had all happened so fast that you didn't realized what you had done until Changbin came back home and by that time, it already was too late.

You were dealing with lots of exams and projects at University, your days being so stressfull and busy that you barely even had time to breathe. Like every student, your mind was only focused in your classes, notes and marks and your brain tended to forget about not useful -but definitely not useless- information in this period of time. Basically, you ignored everything that wasn't related to your studies.

That's how you forgot Changbin had been using your laptop to produce some songs for the StrayKids' new comeback because his laptop was being fixed. That's exactly how you ended up deleting the folder that Changbin had created, thinking it was probably a random folder you had made for something useless.

"You did what?"

Changbin stood infront of you, his eyes flicking between you ,sitting on the chair, and the laptop placed behind you. The look on his face gave away you were in deep trouble, you knew the mistake you made could get, not only him but the whole group into huge problems.

"I didn't really mean to" You repeated again, this was the fourth time you had said that in one minute and it was starting to get on Changbin's nerves. "I was just-"

"You're telling me you deleted all the work I've done in your laptop?" He repeated again, you visibly flinched at how bad that sounded "For real, (Y/N)?" Afraid to speak up you simply nodded, biting your lip so hard it wouldn't be a surprise if it started bleeding. "Get out"

You looked up at Changbin slightly confused just to be met with his cold glare. Seeing him being so mad at you was a rare thing, he truly looked like he wanted to murder you right there and wouldn't have any regrets about it later.

"Get out (Y/N)! I have a lot of work to do thanks to you!" You flinched again at his loud voice not being use to Changbin using that kind of tone with you.

“I’m sorry Changbin, I really-”

“Get out, seriously, I’m just really mad and I prefer not seeing you instead of saying something I’ll regret”

Not willing to make him even more mad you decided to get out of the room before Changbin started shouting again. You weren’t mad at him, actually, you couldn’t imagine how mad he had to feel right now cause you had basically got rid of the job he had been doing for almost two weeks. All those sleepless nights, all the stress his been going through, all the effort he had made ended up being for nothing thanks to you. With teary eyes you headed to the bedroom you shared with him and got in the cold bed where you were probably going to sleep by yourself tonight.

Next morning things didn’t get any better. You had expected him to still be mad at you, maybe to scold you once again without shouting but you sure as hell weren’t expecting him to act like you weren’t even living with him. After you woke up, on your way to the kitchen you peeked into the studio just to see a bunch of blankets and pillows on the couch which told you he had slept there instead of in the bedroom by your side. Letting out a soft sigh you headed into the kitchen where he was sitting as he ate some cereals, the little black bags under his eyes and the tired posture he had made you feel even more guilty.

“Good morning” You muttered hesitant, not knowing how he would react to you trying to start up a conversation between you two.

“Glad it’s good for you” After saying those words Changbin just stood up, placed his cereal bowl on the sink and walked away leaving you alone in the kitchen.

Those were the last words Changbin spoke to you.

Since that morning he became mute. No matter how many times you tried to talk with him, how many questions you asked or how many attempts you made to get him to at least say something, Changbin completely ignored you as if he couldn’t hear you, as if you were a ghost and he could not see you. It was driving you crazy, you felt horribly mad to yourself and the guilt was slowly consuming you.

One night, while you spoke your usually monologue as you had dinner with him, you had enough. You knew you had screwed up pretty much this time, you also knew what you did could have got all the guys in big trouble but you couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“I can’t” You said placing the fork down onto your plate, a little harder than you had intended, causing Changbin to misunderstood your gesture “I know I fucked up, I really know Chagbin but you ignoring me is driving me insane”

“You not listening to me drives me insane” He replied calmly, like if he truly didn’t care about what you were saying.

“I listened to you, I just didn’t remember that folder was yours!” Your voice rose a little feeling absolutely frustrated “I’ll stay up with you, I remember all the melodies you sho-” You were cut off by the sound of his chair being dragged, he was standing up, ready to leave you before you could say something else “Are you listening to me!?”

“Im doing the exact same thing you did!” He shouted back "You could have got me and the guys fired! Or in a lot of trouble (Y/N)! Don't you realized you deleted our whole freaking album?!" Changbin literally exploded, all the pent up frustration he had been accumulating was being freed in that moment.

Your lower lip started shaking a little, you felt guilty enough every minute that passed without Changbin talking to you, he really didn't need to remind you how stupid you had been.

"I'm sorry, you know I wouldn't do that on pur-" Tears started rolling down your cheeks, your boyfriend sighed looking at you. The pained expression on his face told you he really wanted to give you a hug and comfort you but his mind kept him still, not comforting you would remind you of your bad actions and teach you a lesson.

"Stop, crying is useless now" Sighing Changbin turned around and headed back into his studio leaving you there feeling sad, guilty and cold.

The days that followed that night were even worse.

Changbin kept being quiet and full of sassiness whenever you tried to bring the subject up. Him not feeling like talking and you not feeling like getting roasted by him once again ended up in quiet and long days that were driving you mad. Honestly you didn't know what to do to get him to forgive you anymore.

One day when you came back from work, you found Chan sitting on your couch. Your heart dropped to the floor, he was the leader and the one who probably got into more trouble thanks to your ignorance. Would he also be mad at you? Will he ignored you like Changbin? All your questions were quickly answered when he turned his head and saw you standing there, with a small smile on his lips he greeted you.

"Hi, (Y/N)!" When he talked to you in such a happy way, you let out a sigh full of relief that you didn't know you had been holding. You were honestly glad that, at least, somebody would interact with you in your apartment. "How are you?"

Placing your purse on the table you looked up at Chan with a sad smile on your lips "I'm so sorry for what happened Chan, I swear to God I didn't do it on purpose" You bowed politely in front of him, apologizing "I was just so focused on my tests and I didn't realize what I did until Changbin came back home"

"Hey, it's okay" He pushed your shoulders up so you wouldn't be bowing in front of him, a smile on his lips as he looked down at you "I mean, we were a bit scolded but that's all, we're lucky we all remember the melodies and stuff, we'll have all the tracks back in four days more or less"

Four days.

Changbin would have to work four days and three more nights without resting.

That was not going to happen any soon. "You two need my laptop today?" You asked out of nowhere, by the look on Chan's face you knew he hadn't been expecting that question either.

"No, I brought mine" He said shrugging "You have projects and stuff to do right? We'll try not to disturb you too much in your study time" He smiled ruffling your hair but before he could say something else you quickly moved away, running straight to your bedroom.

You barged into it, grabbing your laptop and all the money you had been saving up. Without stopping, as you exited your room you put on your jacket and a hat since it was a bit cold outside, Chan's eyes were curiously following you before they moved to Changbin, looking for answers as he walked out of the kitchen with two sandwiches.

"I'll be back soon" You simply said before walking out of your apartment for the third time that day.

You didn't waste time getting into your car, with your laptop in one hand and your purse in another you started walking -semi running- down the street searching for the new electronics shop that had opened nearby a week ago. You didn't remember too well where it was, you only knew that you had stopped to look at an iPOD on your way back home from University one day.

"Come on...Where are you..." You muttered to yourself half breathless half exhausted, rushing yourself even more. This were times when you wished you would work out more often so your body wouldn't give up on being fast so quickly.

After an hour of running, asking and looking around you were able to find the shop. Unfortunately, by the time you got there, the owner was already closing the door.

"Wait!" Your voice came out weak, breathless from all the running you've been doing "Can you fix this laptop?" You shook your head, holding your hand up "Not fix...I need you to recover some files I deleted two weeks ago...Can you do that?"

You looked hopefully at the man standing in front of you. Maybe it was your worn out expression or the fact that you were about to beg him to recover them whatever it was, it made him accept your laptop even when the shop was already closed.

"Fine, I'll see what I can do" He muttered closing the shop's door "Come back tomorrow, I'll take this home and see what I can do"

His words almost made you cry "T-Thank you so much! I'll come as soon as I get out from my classes" The man nodded with a small smile on his face before he locked the door and walked away with your laptop in his hands.

Sighing, you looked up at the already dark sky and closed your eyes "Please, please, please...Let him recover the files so Changbin and the rest of the guys can get some rest"

--------------------------------------------------

Standing outside of the shop once again, almost a day after, you were praying to every single god up there for some good luck to get all your files recovered. This would be the only way you would stop feeling so guilty about what happened and it would probably make Changbin happy which was your main objective.

Opening the door, you took your hat off and patiently waited for your turn. By the time you stepped forward and faced the man that took your laptop last night your heart was pounding against your chest so fast that you thought you would have a heart attack.

"You are the girl from last night, right?" He asked looking at you, you nodded quickly unable to say something "Well, I managed to recover most of the files you deleted, some of them were kind of impossible"

"Please tell me you managed to recover a folder named C" You pleaded looking at him.

The man stood quiet for almost two minutes, thinking "I think so, it contained lots of audio files right?"

"Yeah! Oh my god, thank you so much" You sounded so relieved, so happy that the man couldn't help but chuckle softly at your cuteness "You just saved my life, how much is it?"

--------------------------------------------------

Like last night, as soon as you walked out of the shop with your fixed laptop in your hand you started running back home although, this time since you knew the way, it took you less than an hour. When you reached the stairs, you took two steps at a time, you didn't even know how you managed to get up without falling down or breaking your neck but by the time you got to the door you didn't have enough strength to open the door so you weakly knocked on it.

Changbin opened it but he didn't even react when he saw you. The black bags under his eyes had just got even worse and he looked like he would pass out at any moment. He was exhausted and it was all your fault but luckily, you had fixed the problem and he would be able to sleep as much as he could.

"I fixed it!" You shouted breathless, looking at him. However, Changbin frowned looking at you, not really knowing what you were talking about "I fixed it!" You repeated pointing at your laptop.

"It didn't work?" He asked confused "That's why you ran out yesterday night?"

"I took it to the shop" You replied leaning against the wall "And they recovered all the files I deleted"

At first, Changbin stood there quiet letting your words sink into his brain. His eyes were on your face as he tried to process what you have just said. In mere seconds, his face went from 'Im still mad at you' to 'Omg let's get married right now'

"YOU FIXED IT!?" He shouted, a huge smile on his face as he looked at you with his eyes almost bulging out.

"I DID IT! THE GUY RECOVERED YOUR FOLDER WITH ALL THE SONGS!"

"OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" He pulled you into his arms tightly, kissing your head as his arms squeezed all the oxygen and strength from your body. "I'm so sorry for being a jerk to you, God I've been such an asshole but I just wanted to get back to work, finish the album and be able to sleep baby Im so-"

You cut him off by pressing your lips against his, a small smile pulling up both of your lips as you both kissed trapped in each other's arms. Suddenly, Changbin picked you up while he gave you his phone and started walking deeper into the apartment.

"Text Chan and tell him to call me later" He simply said, opening your bedroom door.

"What are you doing?" You asked laughing quietly, letting him carry you everywhere.

"Getting ready to take the best nap in my life"

Five minutes later, you were laying in bed buried in all the blankets that you had in the house and surrounded by all the pillows Changbin had managed to find in seconds. With his arms around you and the warmth from his body relaxing yours, it only took you seconds to fall asleep by his side.

The silent treatment was oficially over.

#kpop fanfiction #stray kids #stray kids chan #stray kids changbin #stray kids fanfic #stray kids felix #stray kids fluff #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids jeongin #stray kids jisung #stray kids minho #stray kids seungmin #stray kids woojin #stray kids angst

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dat-one-gal · 6 years

Text

Sweet Little Thought (LustBerry) Short Story

Another party..another lonely night. One where everyone avoids you like the plague just because of where you come from, look like.....and sometimes act like. Lust sighed as he put a smile on his face his eye-lights dull. He looked at the drink he had in his cup many would think it to be alcohol but...Lust actually hates the taste or even smell of the stuff. He stood in the corner other's quickly walking away from him or sometimes even running. Other's just never made eye contact with him. Lust forced himself not to cry as he swirled his drink around in his cup, thoughts swam around in his head as he spaced out. One thought stood out the most as well as a few others. Anger being in the top three...he had the right to be angry right?... He sighed and moved on from the thought. The rest being darker than he normally would have welcomed into his mind...but the blaring music the sound of laughter and....love filled the air. How come he wasn't allowed to love...and if he did why was it saw as 'fake' or even 'WrOnG' he could feel the tears trying to escape his eye sockets now. A lump in his throat, he quickly took a drink of his punch trying to wash away the feelings of sadness with it. The thoughts just kept coming along with the tears that tried to push there way out of his eye sockets but refused to let happen. He took a deep breath. It wasn't a bad idea....'Suicide'....right? He gripped his cup tightly and glared softly at the floor. No, he had no right to end his life. He had no right to smother out what was given to him just as he had no right to be angry or....even love for that matter. Lust looked up and was met by a pair of baby blue eyes looking up at him worriedly "Lust?" the soft voice rang in Lust's ears it seemed to cut through the music and loud voices echoing around the room. Lust's thoughts stopped as if frozen in time. "I..I ummm. Yes?" He stammered...Lust never studders or wastes a chance to 'flirt'.

◻◻◻

Yet another party it was fun. Never a lonely night at parties like this. everyone seems to talk to you and share a laugh with you. It's always nice to meet a new person. he walked around sometimes talking to people or serving them food and drinks he had on a plate held level with my head. he saw some people rushing away from a corner but he couldn't see who was in the corner or what rather. Someone...Red to be exact stopped abruptly in front of him "Blue?! Did you invite him?!!" Red chucked a thumb behind him anger written all over his face but it wasn't directed towards Blue that's for sure. He leaned to look pasted Red and tilted his head slightly as he saw purple, then when someone moved clearly startled Blue could see Lust. The look in his eye sent a shiver down his spine. He knows that look all too well... He then leaned back and put a hand on my hip and glared at Red "Yes? Do you have a problem with that?" Red gulped and shook his head "I-I was ju-just asking." He smiled nervously and Blue raised a bone brow he obviously didn't buy it but before he could say anything Red ran away not wanting to fall victim to Blue's anger. Blue sighed and slowly made his way over to Lust setting the plate he had in his hands on the table. Lust seemed to be lost in his thoughts and if you looked close enough you could see tears trying to push their way to the surface. Blue tensed up slightly he could feel his SOUL grow heavy just from the thought of what Lust could be thinking. Blue now stood in front of Lust his eye's glowed with worry as he looked up at the sad skeleton. "Lust?" Blue said softly he was sacred he had said it too softly but was shocked to see Lust rais he head and look at him "I..I ummm. Yes?" Lust studdered.

◻◻◻

Lust looked at the smaller who just seemed to get more worried as time ticked away. "Are...are you ok?" Blue asked gently looking Lust directly in the eye. Lust looked away from Blue not used to someone holding eye contact with him "Of course Baby Blue~!" Lust attempted to flirt but Blue knew what he was trying to do "I'm not stupid nor am I leaving." Lust looked a Blue a bit shocked Blue sighed and rolled his eyes before he grabbed Lust's hand and began to drag him to the front door. Many had a happy look on their faces as they thought Lust was being kicked out other's just scowled at Lust. Blue glared right back at those who scowled scaring them a bit, Blue suddenly opened the door and pushed Lust outside many began to laugh but everything stopped when Blue growled then slammed the door behind him going outside with Lust.

Everyone got quite as the music seemed to stop some looked around worriedly others seemed scared for Blue. Some moved to the living room window to see what was going on outside. many other's following their lead in watching what was going on.

◻◻◻

Blue slammed the door and Lust just stood and watched. He could really care less what Blue did or how he felt it wasn't much different to anyone else at least in Lust's eyes. Blue walked over to Lust his eyes shadowed by the darkness of the underground. Lust took a step back but was soon tackled into a hug by Blue, Lust stumbled but managed to keep his balance. "B-Blue?" Lust studdered a faint tint of blush on his face. Blue didn't say anything and just hugged Lust tighter "I'm sorry." Blue muttered Lust looked at Blue in confusion and worry "For what?" Lust asked slowly wrapping his arms around the smaller "For your misunderstood SOUL." Blue whispered, at those words Lust seemed to break down. The tears he had tried so desperately to stop seemed to ignore him and roll down his cheeks. "I....I don't-" Lust was cut off by Blue who shook his head "No...It's ok. Don't speak for a while. Just...let it out." Lust trembled "N-not here p-please." Blue let go of Lust and nodded. Blue grabbed Lust's hand and made his way down the stairs as he guided Lust to his hiding spot. Somewhere only Blue knew about somewhere Blue went to cry it all out or just think if he needed to.

After a few minutes had passed Blue took a sharp turn making Lust gasp as he almost fell the slick ice under his purple boots causing him to almost lose his balance. Blue tugged Lust into a small but rather cozy spot tucked behind the trees and dimly lit up by fairy lights. Lust looked around a small smile on his face at the sight. Blue tugged on his hand as he sat down on the icy ground bring Lust down with him who sat next to him. Blue let go of Lust's hand. "You can let it all out here." Lust sighed and just looked down at his hand tiredly. "No...it's ok. I...don't need to cry anymore," he mumbled Blue sighed but nodded respecting his wishes. They sat in silence for a long while before Blue spoke up breaking the silence "You...you shouldn't worry about what others think of you." Blue said softly looking up at Lust. "I know...its just hard." Lust whispered Blue nodded in understanding "You look really tried." Lust chuckled dryly and nodded "Ya...I guess you could say im...bone-tried."Blue giggled softly. "Rest." Lust just shook his head "Nah...besides there's nowhere to rest." Blue shook his head a small smile on his face he tugged Lust down pulling the taller's head into his lap. Lust looked up at Blue raising a bone brow "Really?" Blue shrugged "Why not?" He giggled softly Lust sighed purple blush coating his cheeks he then closed his eyes trying his best to relax. He soon found himself drifting off into a peaceful sleep as Blue watched over him. Blue hummed softly as he looked up at the ceiling of the Underground. It was decorated in little gems that were said to shine like stars but nothing could ever be as beautiful compared to the real thing. Blue smiled as he looked down at the sleeping skeleton in his lap. He would beg to differ because he has found something beautiful and that is a love that couldn't compare to any other. The SOUL that stood out in the sleeping skeletons chest seemed to shine just as bright if not brighter. "Kindness is all you need. Sometimes it's the only thing we can give." Blue hummed out thinking aloud he smiled and waited for Lust to wake

◻◻◻

Those inside the house were quite as they watched what happened outside in shock Lust was crying...CRYING...Everyone watched as the two walked away after talking about something they couldn't hear. Classic opened the front door other' pouring out behind him to get a better look at the two walking away. Red sighed and looked at Classic then back at the two skeletons "So...anyone wanna guess what happened with...Lust?" Classic asked only to be greeted with silence "Ya...I thought so." Classic grumbled getting shocked and confused looks from everyone besides Red who understood Classic the best "Don't look at me like that." Classic growled out "You KNOW what you did so don't pretend like you DON'T" Classic shouted at them before sighing harshly and rubbing his temples "You all are insurable jerks." Classic mumbled the others looked ashamed Outer walked out to stand next to Classic "Sorry." He muttered Classic raised a brown brow "For?" He asked unamused "For what I did to Lust." Classic nodded "And who should we say that to?" Classic asked placing his hands on his hips "Lust." Outer muttered getting a nod of approval from Classic. Outer blushed slightly and sighed trying to hide the blush that was slowly taking over his face as Classic smiled at him before turning around to scold the others.

◻◻◻

Hours had passed and they still weren't back everyone was starting to get worried something had happened, but before they knew it they saw a blue and purple splotch of color slowly walking to them. Once the blue and purple splotch got closer it became clear, it was Lust carrying a sleeping Blue bridal style. Lust just walked past them ignoring them and into Blue's room a few moments passed and it seemed Lust wasn't planning on coming out anytime soon, but they seemed to be proven wrong when Lust walked out of the room closing the door softly behind him and was greeted by guilty face and a butt load of apologies from SOME Sans' others seemed not to care or just didn't speak. Lust sighed and excepted the apologies one after another those that had apologized were happy that he had accepted the apology. Classic watched smiling as he stood next to Lust who didn't seem to care much for Classic standing next to him. He could tell a lot of this was faked, some of it real, other's just didn't care enough to say sorry which Lust preferred. If you don't mean it, don't say it right? Well, that's what Lust lived by anyways. Lust just accepted everything they said before he walked away getting some punch and walking up to Blue's room and sat on the floor thinking about everything they had said to him while he waited for Blue to wake up.

This was going to be interesting.

#lustberry #swap sans #lust sans #au's #au's undertale #undertale sans #fell sans #outer sans #short story #au ships

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y0u-aint-shit-t0-m3 · 3 years

Text

Journal entries

December 11th 2018

I see no point in anything anymore, i am so lonely and sad. No one likes me and no one cares for me. I get myself into situations that i can't get out out of. I act out on the ones who love me, they shouldn't forgive me, but they do anyways..

I am just a big problem and i am misunderstood. No one knows how i feel half the time, it's so hard to describe. I feel like I couldn't be fixed even if i tired.

I am so unmotivated and lazy, i try to get things done but i get to distracted and pulled into a cold spiral of depression or anxiety. It's hard to do anything now, i am so scared that i will never be good enough or i wont get into college or even get through this year alone.

I need to stop going to others for my own happiness and find it myself. I need to stop getting into relationships just to not feel lonely.

My grades are dropping and i will never get anywhere, all my teachers and friends are disappointed in me and they also think i wont get anywhere either.

Everyone is always worried about me because they think i will cut myself again or try and kill myself. I don't want to die i just want to be happy and be normal.

I’m sick and tired of being so problematic and always sad or tired. But i am always sad and tired and i don't know what to do about it.

I am always so paranoid and it's scary because sometimes i dont know whats real and whats not, sometimes i feel like i'm almost lucid dreaming or in a movie or something. I feel like i'm drifting and something is pulling me back and they won't let go. My mind gets all blurry and i can't focus, i feel like still things are moving on their own.

I feel exhausted on days where i've had a good night's rest, i just dont want to feel like this anymore, it's a living hell. I want to be free from this feeling..

February 27th 2019

it’s a new year.. i thought things would get better but they have gotten worse. i’ve got a new therapist and she’s not helping. i’ve been cutting a lot lately and i’m very scared. sunday i cut very deep, there was a lot of blood. i felt nauseous and sick and the thing that scares me the most is that i thought i was done, i thought that i was gonna bleed out and hours later when it was about dinner time my parents would find me dead. but that didn’t happen i’m here and i’m alive. something that makes me terrified is that the one thing that i go to for release isn’t giving me that adrenaline and satisfaction that i’ve felt before and now i sit here and ask myself what am i gonna go to next, and i’m gonna go to hard drugs or even worse.. suicide.. i don’t want to die but the thing is that i black out when i cut and what if i was to cut to deep and actually bleed out and die. i don’t want that to happen.

while i type this i’m very scared and anxious, i’ve never thought that it would get like this. i would never think i would find myself in my room scared and out of control of my actions with harming myself. just one little accident and it would be all over. i could do it now but i don’t want to. i don’t want to ever die. i need to get my shit together, i know what i need to do to feel happy again but i don’t want to. saddens has consumed me and it’s so damn comfortable. i need to get my shit together, maybe tomorrow maybe in five years but i guess for now i will fake it.

2021 January 13th

I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm in such a deep depression I'm so tired and so exhausted and miserable. The only good thing I have going is my relationship and friends which I good but I want my home life to be okay. I could give a fuck less about school or anything really just so I can feel at home again so I can be happy. Its sucks because I Rely so much on other people's emotions for my own. I can't be happy if everyone else isn't and i wanna fix it I wanna fix the way I feel but how do I do that when no body is listening. I'm 17, I don't have my license or a job, how am I suppose to find tools without having other tools. I need a therapist but they are so backed up even if I do put in an application for one ill be at the bottom of the list and it'll be probably a good month before I get one. I don't know what to do anymore.

February 22 2021

I get it not everything is resolved around me, but what's it going to take for someone to notice I am so fucking alone, that I am constantly fighting with myself constantly fighting to stay alive, always wondering what I'm doing wrong always thinking everyone hates me. It fuckinh exhausting I am so fucking tired I let everyone walk all over me always taking advantage of my empathy. What is wrong with me what am I doing wrong for people to not like me, I hate the fake excuses to not talk to me, I hate the snarky comments and all the glares. I feel like im sinking and everyone else around me is swimming everyone else is floating along while I'm drowning I'm trying to hard to stay up above the water what I know how easy it would be to sink, I want to sink. But what's going to happen if I do sink, will I swim with the fish or will I be eaten up by the sharks. Will this ever end, will I ever stay afloat. Will I ever find the confidence or the strength or the tools to stay alive.

April 11th 2021

Yesterday you expressed to me that your not sure if you want to be with me and how I am pretty to much for you and your not sure if you want a relationship, we laid down and after a couple minutes I told you that 2 years ago today you first told me you loved me which was kinda ironic considering the circumstances. We then had sex, which I insisted only because I knew it would make everything better. You wanted me to go to a party that I really didn't wanna go to but I went because I knew if I didn't I had really lost you. You said so many different things that night how you know you love me and how you care about me but how your mindset tells you otherwise and how you're not attached to me as much as I am to you. You left this morning and I texted you and asked how your day was and ypu ignored me. You said you are going to take me out to eat tonight but I just have this gut feeling that either 1 it's not going to happen or 2 it will and it'll be the last time I see you. I don't know if I can get past this, it hurts way to much. You're my best friend my person love I don't want to lose you I don't want to be alone I don't want to see you with other people. It's Hurts so much and I try and say it's my fault that it hurts so much because I overthink so much and that I just can't except love but I can but I say it's my fault so you won't leave. What else am I going to justify so you won't leave. I can't keep doing this. Maybe its just right person wrong timing, or maybe im just too fucked up to be loved by anyone. And the sad thing is If thinking about you and replaying our memories in my head is the closest thing to having you then I’ll do it no matter what . I’d drop everything to spend time with you but you wouldn’t do the same for me.

June 21st 2021

God what has happened. I've repressed to my old feelings, old playlist, old memories etc.. suicide has been heavy on my brain the past few days, same with self harm and just leaving everything behind and leaving. I feel so lost and helpless and confused into why I am feeling like this again. I cried the other day, the same kind of cry a baby cries when it misses its mother. I have this thought in my head running back and forth of wether I'm okay or I'm not. I'm constantly catching myself spacing off into old memories, like 8th grade. The feeling of being so numb and so tired that nothing could ever fix this feeling like I am so comfortable and so certain that I'm going to feel like this forever. I feel like a zombie. I feel bored. I feel useless. I feel tired, not the sleep tired. Just tired. Tired of pushing and pulling. My brain feels like mush. My body feels heavy and weightless at the same time. My chest feels tight and my eyes feel heavy. I feel comfortably miserable. I miss when I never had to give a shit about anything like school and work and dissipating people. I've done so good lately and held my shit together so well and it's so surprising because deep down I am screaming and begging for a break for someone to say it's okay to feel like shit and have them not be disappointed in me for falling apart. I think about the day I'll let someone read these entries, I think about the day that I'm completely giving up and I release these all over social media. I know that sounds desperate but maybe someone would read these and think maybe there not alone. I feel like I would scare everyone if they knew how I felt. I wonder what I'm feeling is valid of bullshit or maybe its just my hormones or seasonal depression. Or maybe it's just my day to day life. Something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. (Keyword maybe means yes it's your everyday life)

June 22nd 2021

We're on a "break". I don't even know how to feel, I should be crying right now begging you to not leave and to love me and to just change. But I'm not, I'm so calm and unbothered and just numb. I'm so fucking numb. It's like I don't even care it's like im already over it. I guess I wasn't surprised. I don't really have much to say. But I can say this is going to hit me like a train. One little thing, and I think I'm going to snap.

September 8th 2021

I don't think I can keep doing this anymore, I don't think I can keep fighting. I don't want to, I don't want to deal with these feelings. I can't remember the last time I actually felt okay. I want to feel normal again. I am losing myself. I am losing my mind and I am trying so fucking hard to hold on. I feel like a prop in some shitty movie. I feel like I'm just a background character, if that makes any sense. I am constantly scared, I am constantly having these thoughts of hurting myself. I keep dreaming of better days but everyday is just a nightmare. I think of admitting myself somewhere, like sending myself away. Somewhere where I don't have to worry about this shit. Somewhere safe, somewhere there are people like me and understand me.

September 15 2021

I find myself thinking about sending myself away, not because i need to just because i want to. I guess you could say “ need in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up faster” but i honestly have come to the point where nothing feels real anymore, nothing feels good anymore. Everything hurts everything is scary and everything is unfair. Life is so unfair. Its even worse that i continuously have shitty things happen to me. I have so much untreated trauma that i think im coming to the point where i dont care anymore. I dont care about anything. I don't feel like existing, trying, dealing or fuckinh anything. I can't feel anything, I am so numb. Numb to my core. I am so desperate to feel better. I am going to feel like this forever, I am always going to be a broken person with a broken heart with a broken mindset.

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apricot--pprincess-blog · 6 years

Text

storytime: this boy sucks and ruined me but I miss him

for special reasons I’m gonna call this boy Red since that was his favorite color the last time I checked.

alright first thing’s first I'm gonna describe him because the person I knew was way different than how he is now and I want to relish in our bittersweet past.

he had kind of curly (wavy?) brown-ish hair that he left messy with one specific curl that would fall on his face and would lay there every day. he had brown eyes with black flecks and pretty little freckles that had the average freckle tint. he has olive skin and rose petal lips. his hands were huge, compared to mine, which matched him perfectly as he was very tall and pretty skinny. he ended up cutting his hair into an unkept mohawk that he dyed red. I loved his hair. I remember vividly running my hands through it and him scrunching up his nose a lot. he didn’t mind me “observing” him the way I did but I definitely did, it’s part of the reason why I hate being stared at now, he would always do it to me. he grew in stature and muscle mass but could still pick me up in his arms back then which he loved and I definitely didn't hate.

we met on the first day of a new school. he was new too, in fact we all were. I met him in my wood shop class and he sat next to a boy (who was definitely and for sure not made up) named Philip. us three were close and Red could see that most of my friends were boys so he asked me to be his girlfriend like three months into talking because he was “worried someone else would take you (me)” which kinda really flattered me because back then I fully despised myself. I thought I was an ugly, dumb, misunderstood mess as I was that one teenager with the bangs in the face looking down and pretending like I was misconceived when in reality I’m an open book. I also tried to restrict my eating habits which is really bad and might be discussed later.

I “fell” for him quick and when it was appropriate he’d hold my hand and hug me and occasionally kiss me on the forehead or cheek when nobody was looking just so we wouldn't be that one couple in school.

he made me feel happy, him being my first boyfriend I was more naive than a regular girl of that age would be. my mom despised him which was understandable. after breaking up for a bit over the summer after the first year our romantic relationship began we started talking again but he had a girlfriend named Autumn (totally not made up) she was really... unlike him I guess? she was maybe 1 or 2 years older than him and I hated her. I judged her. really hard.

(okay wait so during the summer for some time we dated then broke up I think I suck at time sorry)

one day he's texting me as we usually did every day, all the time. he said he wish he had someone to cuddle. at this point I wasn't sure if he was still dating that girl but I assumed not as he talked sort of negatively about her. I should’ve asked. he came over and we cuddled and watched Bravest Warriors. I started crying in his arms and he apologized. we kissed and I smiled. we kept occasionally kissing throughout the 1-3 hours he was at my house. after that day him coming over and watching tv became a regular thing. eventually my mom saw changes in me. she said I was getting angry really quick, I was rude, I was irresponsible and I was just radiating negativity. she took my phone and left me with my MacBook and I decided not to contact Red because I came to my senses a bit. I started reading books again, listening to my music, dressing different and I changed completely.

finally, it was time for the beginning of this year. I didn't talk to Red at all but I walked into the school doors and walked up to my locker and while I was going up the stairs I felt two people talking behind me but I decided to ignore them and when the stairs ended and the flat floor began I felt arms around me and recognized those big hands. a part of me felt ecstatic and comforted but another part of me was scared and angry so after he decided to let go I turned around and saw our friend Matthew walking with him so I asked both of them how they were and stuff because I’m not gonna ignore him. I’m dumb, not rude. so we get to my locker and from there I put my bag in my locker and after a bit of talking about something probably stupid the bell rang and I started walking to my first class. I saw my best friend there (let’s call her Allie) and we talked over what we did over the summer and how we’ve changed which by the way was the exact same except I'm Roman Catholic and she converted to being Mormon. we’ve always been really similar. anyways after class we started walking to our next class which we had with Red. I walked in and sat next to Allie and less that one minute of entering the room I heard my name whispered amongst this boy I used to know in elementary and a boy that had a crush on me the year before.

later Red walked in and sat sort of behind Allie and I and proceeded to talk with us normally. we told him we both got into the same stuff over the summer (church, school, a bright future, college, etc.) and he said something along the lines of “Oh that’s cool. I don’t believe in God but I respect that.” that was the last Red-ish statement I remember ever coming out of his rose petal lips that I'd know would soon fade into a lighter pink. Allie and I thought that was cool, and I started warming up to him again. he has a habit of being really charming which I would soon realize he would use as a weapon.

skip forward: I still don't have a phone and he emails me everyday after school. he tells me he’s kinda sad and lonely and I tell him I'm there for him.

skip forward: we start dating. after returning to our sweet habits he starts becoming out of it.

skip forward: he’s talking to one of my close friends and getting really close to her, flirting and touching her.

skip forward: he starts ignoring me entirely. I can't sleep, eat, or do anything without feeling sick to my stomach and being really sad.

skip forward: we break up. everyone tells me they’re so cute together and he’s getting closer to the mormon church. I can’t study or pay attention in school.

they eventually stopped talking because my one friend he was flirting with (let’s call her Maddie) starts seeing that he’s grown to be obsessed with her. I knew they wouldn't work but now he's really mad at me?? he never stopped ignoring me, but now I feel like he hates me. I was right. he left out friend group and started being really mean to Allie. he joins this group of really toxic, poser losers that all smoke weed and talk only like those cartoon people who say things like “dude nobody understands us bleehhhh” eventually he charms them into thinking I’M the bad guy. one of them sends the other to come up to me, sniff me and say, “You smell like one of the dogs.” I go home and cry and I was depressed for a pretty long time. he ended up spreading more rumors about me like ones that I did pretty inappropriate things for him and another boy. he tried to ruin me. I don't want to let him win but I miss the old Red.

ok im done

#sadstory #storytime #boys #acuteboy #crushstory #boyfriendstory #journalentry

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fiveknivesdates · 5 years

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Solo's the only way I can breathe (Chapter 3)

Camilla

Being knocked out is very much different from falling asleep. Sleep is like diving into your mind, seeing with closed eyes, walking without moving. Sleep is filled with dreams, and dreams are filled with wants. Dreams are filled with nightmares, and dreams are filled with memories. Sometimes I like sleeping, I let go of my worries and rest. Sometimes I hate sleeping, for my nightmares aren't kind to me. My nightmares also seem to just be twisted memories, terrors I’ve seen in the waking world, come alive once again inside my mind.

Sleeping is a thing I can have opinions on, and I have a lot of opinions, but being knocked out is entirely different. You don't dream when you are forced unconscious. It feels a lot like closing your eyes, and opening them again hours later. It's a blackout, without any alcohol in my veins, only a strong headache from where I was hit.

It takes me precious seconds to remember that I was hit, and along with that memory comes all the ones with Erika, Aiden and me pinned against a brick wall. I shoot up from where I was laying and looks around, only to realize that I have truly been kidnapped.

I am sitting on a bed inside a claustrophobic wooden room. I am not a claustrophobic person, I am properly the opposite, since I am a bit frightened by big, open spaces, but this room feels too small to me a normal room. The thought that it might be a basement crosses my mind briefly, but I push it aside quickly due to the four windows where my only light comes from.

I get up on wobbly legs and look out one of the windows, suspecting to see the streets of Copenhagen outside. I don't. I don't see those familiar streets or any streets at all. I see dark and murky water, and a city quickly disappearing in the horizon. I was on a boat. My knuckles go white as I grip onto the edge of the window, and I forget how to breathe. How could I be so out of touch with my surroundings, that I couldn't feel the floor moving? Couldn't smell the salt water? Couldn't hear the ship around me moving? I feel so terribly out of touch, like a stranger in my own life. I’ve experienced being knocked unconscious before, I’ve experienced waking up in strange places before, but I always snuck out, always made my way back. Now I don't know what to do, and that in itself is the scariest feeling. Another version of me who is calm, calculated and perfect would have done something. Made up a plan, searched the room for something useful. She would have hidden somewhere, waiting for the boat to dock and then start over again. A perfect me would have done something other than cry and look at the sea that just ruined everything I had built for myself.

That was how Erika found me. Shaking, crying, violent. A weak and scared creature, trying to close her eyes and fall back to sleep.

Erika took me by the shoulders and led me towards the bed where I had woken up. She drew a blanket around my shoulders while she cooed at me. She gave me a glass of water and pulled a chair over to sit beside me. All the while she did this, I started feeling worse. Now I wasn't only frightened, I was also embarrassed. I just wanted to close my eyes again and wake up back in my own alleyway.

I suddenly wished that this was just another nightmare, then laughed through my sobs. My nightmares are strange, but they are not waking up at sea with no way back strange.

Erika notices my little sad laugh and takes the empty glass from my hands. “Are you feeling better now?”

I want to snap at her. Of course I am not feeling better, but somehow I can't find it in me to say so.

“A bit,” I mumbled.

“I am really sorry,” Erika said sincerely. “We don't usually do this.” She waved her hand around, indicating either the boat or the kidnapping.

“What do you do then?” I asked calmly, looking at her dark brown eyes.

“How am I to know, this is the first time I am on a mission to recruit a new Tethered.” She joked. I didn't smile.

“What does that word mean?”

“Tethered?” She paused. Thinking. “It's a kind of human. Like a witch. It's a person like me or Aiden or you.”

“I am not a witch.”

“No. But you are like one.” Erika began explaining. “Think of it like this: Every human can learn how to swim, how to draw, how to cook. Some are better than others, some are masters at one thing and some are a jack of all trades. Then imagine if their ability to learn skills were limitless. If they could learn how to control the fabric of the world, the laws of nature. That's what we are. We are Tethered to the core of the universe.”

For some reason I believed her. My intuition told me that Erika was being honest right now, but being honest right now is not the same as being an honest person. I didn’t have to trust her as a person even if I trusted her words. I knew there were secrets hidden behind her eyes, inside her hair, underneath her tongue.

“And you think that I am one of you?” I asked.

“I don't think. I know,” Erika replied without missing a beat.

“How come?”

“When doing superhuman things, we leave behind superhuman trails. A disturbance in the strings of the universe.”

“You’ve been tracking me with your witchcraft.”

“Yes. Since the first time you used your powers six years ago,” Erika stated like that wasn't creepy. “Which, by the way, is a new record. You managed to stay hidden from us for six years. Very impressive. We started betting on you three years ago. Some people thought you were so out of touch with your own powers, that you didn't use them enough for us to find you.”

“And what did you bet on?” I questioned.

“That you knew what you were doing, so much that you learned to cover up your tracks. Which I still believe. After all, I saw you turn invisible.”

“You did?” I asked in surprise.

Erika must have misunderstood my confusion. “Yes. Aiden and I saw you disappear into thin air the other day as soon as you saw us.”

“But I didn't.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I didn't turn invisible, I just tried to blend in and hide.”

“Oh.” Erika smiled. “You might be a bit more interesting than I thought.”

“I’m sorry?” I repeated after her, which made her laugh. I thought to myself that her laugh sounded like honey felt, then pushed that thought aside and blamed it on my deranged state.

The door opened and Aiden poked his head inside. He spoke in a language I didn't know, and Erika responded quickly and got up.

“Are you to be trusted?” Aiden asked me in English.

“Depends,” I answered honestly. “What were you speaking?”

“French; the language of love.” Someone hummed from behind Aiden. It was the same guy who had knocked me unconscious.

The two boys stepped fully into the room. Aiden either looked bored or pissed, maybe a bit of both. His ginger hair was cut short on the sides, and it made him look like a famous cartoon character that I couldn't remember the name of. He wore completely black clothes, the only spark of color being a red and yellow text on his shirt, saying “Bad Boy With a Tainted Heart”. He had silver earrings and a stud in his nose.

“Hey, we meet again!” The Baseball Bat man exclaimed. He wore a too-big letterman jacket in blue and gray colors, and underneath was a fuzzy, light gray sweater. His hair was fuzzy too, curling around his head like a brown helmet. My eyes very quickly landed and stayed on his eyebrows. They were formed like dark, bushy rectangles and were hard to miss. Underneath the bushes were a set of chilly gray eyes, then underneath those were his toothpaste-commercial smile with dimples on either side.

“Name’s Zeph” He smiled while giving me his hand to shake. I simply looked at it until he pulled it away with a sheepish grin. “Still sour about earlier? Im sorry ‘bout that, really.”

“You guys are apologizing a lot,” I stated.

“That’s because we are sorry,” said Erika.

There was a moment of silence. Zeph moved to the window and opened it. Aiden layed down on the ground, closing his eyes. Erika continued to sit by my bed.

��Where are you taking me?” I asked.

“The base,” Zeph chirped. “Just you wait. You’ll love it there.”

“Is is filled with more maniacs?” I asked.

“Yes,” Aiden answered at the same time that Erika said “No.”

“Well, normal humans might think we are a bit strange, but I do think you’ll come to enjoy our company,” Erika elaborated.

I highly doubted her. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the odd one out. I had trouble relating to kids my age, to my parents or to anyone really. It always felt like I had missed the day when the other kids were taught how to socialize, how to have fun, how to be normal. I remember one day talking to a girl from my class, and she told me how sad she was that her dog died, and I just remember telling her that she’ll die one day too. Somehow that didn't seem to help her very much, even though it was the truth. I was the same around my parents, always snapping at them or ignoring them, until one day they weren't there and I couldn't find it in myself to miss them. That was maybe the first time I wanted to be like everyone else. I just wanted to cry and to grieve because that was what people did, but I just couldn't. I had to accept that I’d never feel like anyone else, but that I could pretend I did. The worst part is that I know this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, but I just can't stop doing it.

“Okay.” I answered Erika while getting up, then changing the topic. “Can I go to the deck, or am I confined to my room?”

Zeph laughed from the window. “Depends.”

The repeatment of my own words agitated me. I felt like Zeph didn't take me seriously, like I was a child.

“Thats a yes then,” I answered for myself and left before any of them could say something against me.

The air was cold outside, and a fog lay thick upon the waters. I couldn't see the outline of a city anymore, only water. A shiver ran down my spine as I took a hold of the metal railing. I hate to admit it, but I’ve never been out sailing in my entire life. After moving to Denmark, my mother decided she had had enough of traveling, and my father was happy to oblige. We stayed in the country every summer, and only traveled by car or train. The boat rocked slightly under my feet, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I sat down on the deck and searched my pockets. I wasn't a frequent smoker, too afraid of becoming addicted, but sometimes I’d get a hold of a packet and keep them for when I really need to calm down. I can't remember how I started smoking, it just sort of happened. None of my parents had been smokers, so it wasn't a sentimental thing. Maybe I had acquired the habit from hanging out with other low-class teens, who had made a habit of taking drugs and drinking as a way to escape daily life. I had always been too scared of drugs, since I knew just how well they could fuck somebody over, and alcohol didn't seem very tempting because of the hangover that would come after drinking.

I lit my cigarette and tried to ignore the way the boat moved beneath me. I closed my eyes and tried to come up with a plan. I had to get a hold of my backpack, and I was sure that it was on the ship. I always knew from a gut feeling when my trusted backpack was close to me, but now Erika had implanted the thought that it might be more than just a gut feeling. I was still sceptical towards all of this magic-humans stuff, but it did provide answers to questions about myself, like how I had managed to stay out of the police’s grasp for so long.

Even though I was decidedly open minded towards the idea of magic, I knew that I wouldn't trust any of these people. I wouldn't let myself trust any of them. I could smell lies from a mile away, and these three people all stank. It made me wonder how many lies all of their friends had. I didn't intend to uncover their truths, I honestly didn't care about them, but I knew from experience that people who lie the most are also the most likely to spot one, and I was a living lie waiting to be found. I closed my eyes and inhaled another huff of smoke, trying to get a better look at the person I’d have to play. They would soon want to know how I had ended up homeless, and I suspected that was something I could give an honest answer to. Running away from bad foster homes was a common backstory amongst runaway teens, and it was one of the only truths I could give about myself without feeling like I was giving myself away. I couldn't tell them anything about my parents or all the things I had done while homeless.

In retrospect, sea sickness and cigarettes wasn't a good mix. I ended up hurling the little food I had in my stomach over the railing, then laying on the deck with my hands over my eyes to block out the strong light from the sun, my head pounding terribly.

“You dead?” Zeph asked me, with a cheer that rubbed me the wrong way. I hadn't heard him approach me, which irritated me. This was the fourth time one of the three had snuck up on me today. It was a clear pattern that I didn't like very much.

“Is that a wish?” I asked him, pulling myself together and getting up. I tried to ignore the way my stomach flipped, and gave him a cold look, which he returned with a smile.

“No” Zeph said. “It's a concern. Ever heard of those?” When I didn't answer, he continued. “Erika told me that you have been homeless for nearly five years. I know that people aren't friendly towards homeless people.”

There was the obvious trail to follow. He indicated that he might also have been homeless, and I could see it in the way he carded his hands through his hair that he wanted me to ask about it, but I had decided that I didn't want to get close to any of them.

“Is Erika the only stalker amongst you?” I asked him instead. “Or are all of you crazy?”

“This again? Come on, we explained why we tracked you,” Zeph told me with an amused smile on his lips. “But Erika was the one assigned to your case. Which, by the way, meant very much to her. It’s been ages since she was in charge of a mission, so please don't screw anything up.”

“I won't promise you anything,” I said, going over to the ladder that lead inside the boat where the cabin I had woken up in was. I looked over my shoulder at Zeph, who was leaning against the railing, the wind blowing through his curly hair. “Where’s my stuff?”

“I knew you’d ask that.” He grinned. “It's in the first cabin on your left. That’s also my cabin, by the way, if you ever feel lonely, you know where to find me.”

Zeph winked at me as I left, rolling my eyes at him. I didn't imagine that I’d ever want to talk to Zeph of my own coalition.

It was easy to find my stuff, and as soon as my hand closed around the strap I inhaled a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I took my things and ran into what I assumed was my cabin, sighing in relief at finding it empty. I closed the door and pushed the handle upwards and left, a trick I had learned that would lock most doors.

Emptying the contents of my bag was a relief. I rummaged through the mess, making sure no things were missing. I only had one extra set of clothes, but it was my passport, photobook and sim-card I was most worried about. My passport was essential for me if I wanted to leave Denmark, which seemed kind of pointless now. The sim-card was from my old phone, and it contained all my contacts from back when I was living with my parents. I had never been good at remembering numbers, and I had no use for a phone anymore, so I had only kept the sim-card, hiding it in a small, secret pocket of my backpack.

The photobook was the only sentimental thing I had allowed myself to keep. It was filled with pictures of me and my parents. I had since taking it also added photos of the few friends I had during school, and diary entries from the days I wanted to remember. In some of the pockets were letters my father had sent me after being deployed, in others were euros that my mother had kept. I kept jewelry in it too, though not much. Most of it was my mother’s, as I had never been the type to wear necklaces and earrings.

After checking my things and finding them all, I put everything back inside. The sun was going down and it reminded me of the tiredness I was feeling. I highly doubted that I would be able to fall asleep in the ship, but I didn't have anything better to do. I laid down, closed my eyes, and let my thoughts carry me away. <- Previous chapter // Next chapter -> Chapter index

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tumblunni · 7 years

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aaaaaugh that was a weird adventure of a normal thing seriously wtf how did I Almost Die from just trying to pay my electricity bills?? the electricity went out at midnight and I was having a WHOPPING GIANT MIGRAINE and seriously i suck at talking to cashiers on the best of days but now i have to call a taxi at midnight and sit there feeling awkward for like half an hour while the guy drives me several miles away to the only electricity place thats open 24/7 and like five minutes in i realized OH SHIT THIS MIGRAINE IS MORE SERIOUS THAN I EXPECTED but like i was trapped in a car and trapped in an awkward social situation! so i was here all dizzy and disassociating and like it felt like the window was a computer screen?? cos im nearsighted a lot and of course its gonna get even worse when i have a dizzy migraine of death doom. i was just so out of it with pain and tiredness and the car shaking me about and just it felt like i wasnt really there but i was still in my house just watching all this on the tv or something. i had to look down at my hands cos they were the only non blurry thing, i had to remind myself that i actually existed and wasnt somehow being erased from the world and replaced by a film reel of some guy sitting in a car?? So I am like Absolutely Fucking Nonfunctional here, and being acutely aware of how i forgot to wear my glasses and apparantly also my socks. Tho in my defense it would have been hard to put them on in the dark anyway! and seriously THIS POOR CAB GUY! like it seemed english wasnt his first language and i felt so bad cos like how can i make it clear that I am the one messing up here?? dude you didnt mishear me i really am slurring everything i say and forgetting half the dictionary. HE WAS SO NICE! I wish i could have like.. been able to register any of his individual faceparts as a coherant whole. I have problems with prosopagnosia even on a good day, but like whoa man i did not have the energy left to concentrate on what this guy even looked like. i feel bad cos i dont know his name either, im gonna remember him as just this big helpful shadow void with a nice accent. HOW DID YOU PUT UP WITH ME EMBARASSING MYSELF SO MUCH, YOU WONDERFUL CABMAN actaully wait do you call them cabs in america aa im sorry this post isnt very america translated i try and generally self-correct to america english cos i know like 90% of my followers seems to be america for some reason i do not understand HELLO AMERICDA FRIENDS TODAY okay so i was Dying in a taxi which is also called a cab, and the company was Capital Cabs which is very good and i love them and they have an automated system so you dont have to talk on the phone and seriously that cut like 50% of terror from this terror day SO ANYWAY I WAS DYING we go all over the place looking for the 24 hours electric place, and then for some reason they are closed?? there was a line outside and i think actually the doors got stuck and the cashiers couldnt get out??? what happened?? i guess i will never know cos i had to leave that mini story behind and find another electric hilariously we found one LITERALLY ACROSS THE ROAD there was THE SAME SHOP ACROSS THE ROAD FACING EACH OTHER MIRROR IMAGE WHAT like seriously fuck im already in a dizzy daze floating halfway out my own body like i didnt need any more evidence im currently in wonderland i want to know this story too, dammit! are those rival stores?? of the same brand?? somehow?? or are they owned by the same person?? because why?? is it like the area was so in-demand of small 24/7 shops that they had to make two within five metres of each other? or is it like they’re the same shop but they didnt have enough space to build the full size they wanted so they purchased two smaller land plots? or something? DID IT JUST EXIST FOR THIS SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF ME NEEDING THE SHOP WHEN THE SHOP IS CLOSED “tumblr blogger tumblunni will show up fuckin migraine stoned on the 9th of november, as the prophecy foretold” omg i just mispelled prophecy as prophey and that sounds like a cute ass oc name holy shit ANYWAY im here dissacoiating my ass off and trying and failing to stick my debit card in the card machine and all the time im like FUCKIN OBSESSING over how sauboh is a really better name. Like faba is still a cute name but sauboh is a COOL name! no name is better than sauboh! and why u wanna this evil man have a cute name anyway?? when u be all cruel in the anime and sand off even the slightest non horrible edges he ever had, like seriously im unreasonably upset that everyone hates faba even more now. when will i get my sneaky science grandpa guy who is not evil for once but merely misunderstood and then i adopt him and hug him many and the all is resolved so yeah im fuckin haviung trouble focusing on what im actually doing jesus christ then i stumble into the store and i pay for my electric and im like ‘no no no fucking shit this migraine is WAY worse than i expected, im going to fucking die’ so i ask if they have any paracetamol but i cant remember the word for paracetamol and its all super embarassing. and like THE GUY LOOKS AT ME AS IF IM CRAZY. He’s all ‘ugh why would we have that, geez’. like wtf?? i mean i know i couldnt remember the name of it but i said ‘headache medicine’ so im sure he understood what i meant. i had a long rambling discussion with the taxi man about how weird that was, he was like ‘no, seriously EVERY 24 hour newsagent sells that stuff’ and i was like ‘no seriously he was rude to me for asking, like wtf’ and then i repeated the story about three more times cos i was currently in the throes of brain death in retrospect maybe the cashier thought i was drunk or something?? or high? i mean you cant get high from headache pills but i dunno maybe they mix badly with booze and he thought he was saving my life. i like to think the best of people! i wish i hadnt jumped to the grumpy conclusion during that moment and then whined like a lil bitch to this poor cab man and seriously he was SO NICE! he was like ‘dude seriously we’d have to drive anothr five miles to find another newsagent shop, im trying to save you money’ and he tried to give me some of the paracetamol he had in his wallet and i was like YOURE SO FUCKIN NICE IM DYING, I COULD NEVER ACCEPT THAT but also in retrospect probably that was a good decision cos even if the guy seemed super nice and trustable its like Good Life Policy to not take medicine from people you don’t know. I am 100% sure tho that he actually was genuine and wasnt gonna fuckin murder me with fakeacetamol HE WAS SO NICE! HIM AND HIS NONDESCRIPT FACIAL REGION! why cant i remember ANYTHING about this man oh and also I was able to give some money to a lady on the street!! i don’t know if she was actually homeless, she said that she had some trouble with a hotel booking or something so she was just stuck sleeping outside for the night. i cant remember if she had any luggage so i cant verify if the story is true, it just made me really sad wondering if it WASNT true and its like she needed to lie or people wouldnt give her money?? like seriously homeless people are the most vunerable yet theyre the ones people have the least sympathy for! wtf having to like like ‘i need the money less’... anyway i also couldnt remember her face and was kinda slurring my words to death and i didnt have much money to give but aaaa i hope i helped!! so yeah fuckin SMASH CUT to the next newsagent place and seriously i swear i blacked out for a minute cos it was just like wow we’re there in 48 seconds yet the clock says a bunch more miles and THEY HAD PARACETALMOL AND I WAS FUCKIN CRYING IN A SPAR MART thenk u cashier man who was probablyh very confused at this guy with no socks also for some reason my mind was wandering to the topic of what i’d do if i got misgendered in a cinema, like holding this fuckin entire fictional argument with this manifestation of my own self doubt WHAT EVEN INSPIRED THAT THOUGHT PROCESS so i’m nigh passing out and the nice cab man takes me home and he tries to make me pay less than the fee on the clock and im like NO DUDE IT WAS MY OWN CHOICE TO GO 2 PARACETAMOL SHOP seriously he was SO NICE why cant i remember his faaaaaace and i usually like to give a tip to the taxi guy even though tipping isnt really a thing in my country cos just i feel like Being Nice Is Nice and i want to thank them for their nice but i DIDNT HAVE ANY MORE MONEY LEFT so aaaa i was only able to give him an extra £0.50 but thank you taxi man i hope you have a good night and good life and the universe rewards you for helping a migraine fucked bunbun this eve and now ive shoved medicines in my fave and im just waiting for them to kick in and i know i should eat something but i feel so nauseous aaarglefargle also nice taxi man told me a story about how the same thing happened to him once except the electric went out while he was in the shower. So he just got blasted by cold water AND had to stumble down the stairs in the dark, and then friggin buy electric while his ears were still fulla soap. Whoa dude your bravery in face of embarassment exceeds my own! i love you platonically mr cab man thanks for making me feel less nervous and such while i was Die so yeah hopefully i will be less die soon ok bye also sauboh is a best name and i need to steal it for an oc or something NINTEND U LET IT SLIP AWAY

#blunni thoughts #i am struggle to thoughts #man i wish i could fuckin sleepems

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