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I had (tense is confusing) this with someone. --- uh I made this and I'm too lazy to put a watermark on it so eat your heart out but don't be an asshole.

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Damon & Hewlett: ok so murdoc recruited 2-D by hitting him with a car while trying to rob a music store

Gorillaz fans: ok cool

Damon & Hewlett: and they got noodle from a mysterious package in the mail and also russel is haunted by the ghosts of his dead friends

Gorillaz fans: sounds legit

Damon & Hewlett: and at one point noodle went for a trip on a flying windmill which was then gunned down by pirates while murdoc found an island made of floating garbage which had a huge manatee on it for reasons we still haven’t explained

Gorillaz fans: mhm

Damon & Hewlett: and murdoc thought noodle died so he made a cyborg noodle to replace her and kidnapped 2-D and brought him to the island made of floating garbage which was also attacked by pirates

Gorillaz fans: yea

Damon & Hewlett: and russel grew to the size of a house by ingesting toxic waste while swimming to this island and found noodle along the way

Gorillaz fans: nice

Damon & Hewlett: so the band ended up moving to a shitty apartment and the literal boogeyman who is also the fifth (rejected) horseman of the apocalypse who was previously stalking murdoc is now living with them while giant russel has to sleep on the roof

Gorillaz fans: haha neat

Damon & Hewlett: and now murdoc is in jail

Gorillaz fans: not surprising

Damon & Hewlett: and ace from the powerpuff girls is in the band

Gorillaz fans: WHAT that is the CRAZIEST thing I have ever heard I can’t believe how wild this universe is

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Soy Feliz

I've reached full teenage-hood.

I'm drinking a Baja Blast past bedtime and listening to Where Is My Mind? getting my shower prepared. You could say I'm pretty punk rock. Not really I'm actually really sensitive.

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wow my whole T-shirt and sweatshirt drawer smells like her

via @extramadness

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Who knew Jesus had such a soft and fluffy belly.

Jesus unveils the word of the Lord before his disciples (AD 24)

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“You were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it.”

via @love-diaries

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Mine was, “Someone needs your assistance and honest advice.”

The Miami News, Florida, June 8, 1960

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Journal Entry #8

Today I woke up tired only because I cried myself to sleep and wrote for a pretty long time. I had to babysit my sisters’ kids so I made them bear-shaped pancakes and cut up some mango and pineapple and strawberries. They love when I sprinkle sugar on top because they don’t like how tart the fruits actually are. I cleaned the kitchen and downstairs bathroom and living room while they played video games and pretend restaurant. It was pretty okay but I blasted songs like, “Our Love’s Funeral” by Raccoon Raccoon, “The Night We Met” by Lord Huron, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran, and “Twin Size Mattress” by The Front Bottoms so I definitely cried. I ate two pretty small pancakes with water and just a quarter of a quesadilla and my mom made me chicken soup (one of my favorites).

I’m really excited for tomorrow because it’s the art festival but I wish I had a date. There’s bands that play at night and I’d love to dance with someone while listening to super corny songs. My best friend can’t come and I would post about it on my social medias and ask if anyone wants to come but these boys that just want my physical self will guilt me into going with them. So I think I’ll tell my mom I’m going to meet up with some friends and run off with a person from my past and maybe one of her friends if they decide to go. We have some friends in common but I dunno. I have too many boy friends. I’m just sitting on my bed waiting for my soup to cool down enough to eat and thinking of a possible outfit.

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“Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that some people only enter your life as a temporary happiness.”

via @love-diaries

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Meet Me in the Hallway- Harry Styles

I don’t think this’ll be a short story, I think I’ll just be making connections. I’m not sure though, I’ll try not to edit it too much and just pour it out.

The song starts off with Harry singing, “Meet me in the hallway, meet me in the hallway. I just left your bedroom, give me some morphine. Is there any more to do?” With that, the first verse ends. I think he doesn’t actually means “Meet me in the hallway.” I see it as this:

A hallway is what links rooms together and makes it accessible for people to pass through. Maybe the rooms represent two people in a relationship. “I just left your bedroom.” maybe he means he left in an angry or frustrated manner, we’ve all been there, mostly at the beginning of the breakup I think. Meeting in the hallway could mean meeting in the middle, and making the relationship work. The hallway represents an area of trying to make a relationship work. I feel like it could be literal too. It’s possible him and his partner were disagreeing so one would sleep in another room, “Meet me in the hallway so we can try to talk. Or just look at each other.” The “give me some morphine. Is there any more to do?” line makes me think that they’re both hurting each other but maybe both or just one of them (probably Harry, the context and tone of the song as a whole kind of just makes you think that) wants to make it work. Now morphine is obviously used to numb pain. And that’s what he wants, it’s what we all want. Maybe he’s just stating the fact he doesn’t want to feel the pain, or referring to getting drunk to numb things out. “Is there any more to do?” he feels hopeless.

After the first verse he begins to sing, “Just let me know I’ll be at the door, at the door. Hoping you’ll come around. Just let me know I’ll be on the floor, on the floor. Maybe we’ll work it out.” he adds, “I gotta get better.” six times and finishes the chorus with, “And maybe we’ll work it out.”

Figuratively speaking, “Just let me know I’ll be at the door... Hoping you’ll come around.” means he wants to make it work. He wants to meet in the middle and relish in being physically or emotionally there for each other for a moment, even if it’s unhealthy. His ultimate goal, though, is to completely nurse the relationship back to health. (Morphine- nursing the relationship? I’ll take my award right now, thank you.) “I’ll be on the floor.” he’s weak and tired so he’s sat on the floor waiting. “I gotta get better” everyone’s heard the expression, “How do you love someone if you can’t love yourself?” and after a breakup we all try to. That’s what he’s saying. Getting desperate to fix something so precious you once had you try every method that gets presented to you.

Harry starts the second verse:

“I walked the streets all day, running with the thieves. ‘Cause you left me in the hallway. Give me some more; just take the pain away.” again, after breakups you’re so desperate to fix what you had you try everything everyone tells you to do. Lots of people go on walks, the running with the thieves part kind of confuses me but I thought people say their lovers steal their hearts so maybe he’s implying the person does these things a lot and he’s just another ex or that he’s fallen into the cycle that is trying to accept the fact you failed at a relationship like so many have done before (personally I struggle with that a lot). “’Cause you left me in the hallway.” his partner didn’t bother to help; maybe because they’re too scared to compromise, because they aren’t used to it or because they’re lazy. “Give me some more; just take the pain away.” maybe some more morphine as he sings it in the same melody he sang the previous morphine line about but of course he does it’s the first and second verses.

Now he repeats the chorus but instead of repeating, “I gotta get better.” six times he says “Gotta get better.” maybe I’m overthinking it but he could be realizing the only way to fix it, if it can be done, is by both of them getting better before they get better as a whole.

The last verse goes, “We don’t talk about it, it’s something we don't do. ‘Cause once you go without it, nothing else will do.”

By this he means it’s sort of difficult to talk to someone you’re going through this with, it personally makes me feel weak and makes me belittle myself. “’Cause once you go without it, nothing else will do.” You think this person is your world, and you get completely enticed. Once you fall out of “love” you think you’ll never find that same feeling again. You will, and it’s just a sign of the times.

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This makes me gay

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“I am doing something I hate for you. This is what it means to be in love.” - Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

via @violentwavesofemotion

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“Distance doesn’t ruin a relationship. Doubts do.”

via @love-diaries

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Journal Entry #7? Or 8

Today started off pretty regular, I had some sort of hallucination that I got a notification from someone I really cared about (and will not be named)and I came to my senses the smallest bit more and sat up, patting my bed sheets to look for my phone; the tears on my face feeling more dry but still relatively wet. Then I remembered I always sleep with my phone under my pillow and realized it wasn't real and tried to go back to sleep. I exhausted myself, falling in and out of consciousness and feeling so hurt again and so tired of the hurt.

I woke up at 6:03 AM (three minutes after my alarm is supposed to go off) and I jumped up and washed my face and quickly got ready for my English thing. I went and I saw Ash (boy with the ash brown hair's new nickname) and I walked past him, I saw him turn to look at me as I walked past and I couldn't help but smile. I was going to run up to him and tell him I like his hat but by the time I could he was gone. I would've asked him to come with me to the arts festival too.

I got home and got really depressed again. The only things I ate all day were a grilled cheese, water, hummus and tiny pretzels, and like a drop of Baja Blast. I slept for two hours-ish of course waking up a lot. By the time I forced myself to peel my body off my very comfortable and messy bed (thanks to my sister's kids) it was time to get ready super fast for my dad's ultrasound appointment so I grabbed a nicer top that I hadn't worn since May of last year and I felt so fat. I almost started crying. I hate(d) my body so much.

It's like I have these thick thighs and good looking legs but I'm so tiny. I don't have that much hip width or whatever I feel like a board 90% of the time. And you can always see my ribs, but I'm not skinny enough. It time to leave so I couldn't change but time passed and I was reading this Stephen King book called Rose Madder and it's so good I love him so much. We went into the ultrasound room and I wasn't needed much so I just sat in a chair. I started having an anxiety attack from overthinking everything but I couldn't start sobbing during an ultrasound on my dads neck so I just tried breathing exercises and it helped a little bit but I hid it well.

We get out of the hospital and I get forced by my sister to go to this Red Cross meeting thing and I get forced again to introduce myself to the whole community(is that the word idk) and I, being the cocky little gal I am, stood up as instructed and said, "Hi um I'm (insert first & last name) and the only reason why I'm so short is because I'm 15." apparently that was comedy gold cos everyone started laughing so hard I thought I'd stop their heart (they were all like 45-70). It eventually ends after being demonstrated some 72 hour backpack things and I'm helping clean up and chit-chatting then this very tall and skinny blonde boy with glasses that I saw as soon as I walked in came up to me, shook my hand and said, "Hi I'm (I forgot his name) and I thought I'd get the prize for being the youngest here. I'm 16." and I replied, "Oh well I'm (insert name) and if I knew there was a prize I would've come earlier." and he said he hopes to see me again and walked away with his mom. Pretty fun.

Now I'm home and I have chores to do but I just wanna climb in bed and listen to my playlist with songs like "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran and other love/sad songs and cry and read Stephen King. I'm forcing myself to do a lot of things lately, but nothing negative. At least I think.

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simple ways to a fresh start

• reorganize the furniture in your bedroom

• clean your room

• delete apps, contacts, etc from your phone that you no longer need or use

• change your phone wallpaper

• take your journal to a spot you’ve never been to around town // spend time reflecting while there

• sell or donate a few clothes you haven’t worn in a year (or even half a year)

• make a list of your goals // pin it to wherever you’ll see it most often to remind yourself where you’re headed

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I JUST GOT HIT ONNAT A RED CROSS MEETING SENDNHELP