#im still alive not that anyone missed me lol
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#oc#gabe#thinkin about what gabes canon used to be and how i should keep it for an au#im still alive not that anyone missed me lol#ive been playing lots of shadow of the erdtree#and am off to a little trip for the rest of the week#sanity and mental health? in free fall for sure girlies#ive been in this art slump for 9 months already bwehhh#everythings just kind of terrible lately isnt it#hope anyone reading this is having a wonderful day#hoping august is a better month so i get out of this one drawing a month cycle#i have bobbies to draw and this snail pace is not working for me
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i hit up one of my old psn friends (yes, playstation network) on voicechat because i was tipsy.. and i ended up bawling my eyes out because he was so kind to me it almost hurt
#he told me that im badass for being alive still and doing what im doing#he even said i should write a book which. lol. but he was so sincere and genuine. he wants me to follow my passions ...#we have known each other for almost 8 years. we dont tlak much.. its been 3 years since i have#he was so excited to hear from me ... i forget people care. i forget people know me#i forget i matter to anyone at all.. and here he is almost near tears hearing from me cuz he feared the worst#im just. Crying . a lot. the things he said to me were so kind..#he said he missed me so much and kept inviting me to join his parties when they happen#i told him im too scared and he said he would put a good word in...
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OH MY GOSH YOU'RE ALMOST TO 1,000.
Are you going to do something to celebrate?? Get yourself a fox? Or a David? (You can never tell these days.)
I know…I can’t believe it really…and soon it will be 3 years since I started. Time has flown by so fast.
I’m going to post my favorite past posts for the last 10 days to 1000.
I would love to have a fox or a David lol but alas, only in my dreams lol
I guess I’ll just celebrate the fact that I have been able to do this for three years and be happy that I’m still alive to do it. This account has given me a reason to wake up every day and continue on through this dark period in my life that I’m dealing with currently. I truly don’t think I would be alive if it weren’t for having this account that gives me a daily goal to post every day….and y’all know how badly I feel when I miss days, so it truly keeps me motivated. Im honestly so thankful for being able to take an idea and run with it. I really don’t know if David Tennant is truly aware of my account and how long I’ve posted and hopefully he doesn’t find it too weird because he’s honestly helped me through a lot these past three years. I wish I could express that to him and let him know me posting his pictures next to a fox has really saved my life and continues to do so.. which I know would probably sound silly and strange to him or anyone tbh…but that’s how I feel.
1000 was the goal. The promise I made when I was given the idea and ran with it. Now I’m almost there and that promise will be fulfilled.
Idk….should I continue past 1000?
- Envil
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I cant stop thinking about trolls, specifically Floyd. Finally decided to just go wild and draw fanart. Im going insane over this little guy
HE IS THE SIZE OF MY FINGER
Pretty short theory/rant under cut
I also really love the idea that he’s been hanging out with the rock trolls since the brothers separated. It could even kinda make sense. His looks kinda remind me of something you could see a rock troll looking like, just mess up his hair a bit. Ofc he has wayy too bright colors to be a rock troll, but he was born as a pop troll. (I can just imagine how much he would stand out oml.) Not to mention, Prince D said in the second movie that trolls can enjoy more than just one type of music. He was also apparently kidnapped 2 months prior to the movie, and the second movie was just a week before the third, meaning Floyd had been missing for 1 month and 3 weeks by the time of the second movie. Someone would probably try to look for him, but after a while of no signs they could’ve just assumed him dead and given up. By the time of the movie the rock trolls wouldn’t even think to ask anyone of the other tribes about him, because he’d been missing for a while and because the whole rock-apocalypse was going on. Only reason i can see it not working is if the rock trolls were against any type of music the entire time and either would’ve just kicked him out or forced him to only play rock (which i don’t believe Floyd would be able to do). Really going into theory mode here: Floyd showing up could be what made Queen Barb find out about the other tribes and first get the idea of the world tour, but only starting to plan it after Floyd disappears and they fail to find him.
I would also love if this was true and every time Floyd plays rock music he gets aggressive and scares the sht out of his brothers lol.
I literally came up with the oc as i drew this, i just wanted some random guy for the pose and suddenly i had a character. He’s just someone that basically clung himself to Floyd immediately when he got to the village. Bro’s kind of a bully but he’s also a loser. (Just wanna say I’m not the type of person that ships ocs with canon, and i’m not doing it here) They end up having a sort of rivalry, as Floyd gets better at Rock and manages to mix it with his pop, he gets a bit popular. Meanwhile Brick has never really tried to gain an audience, but when Floyd gets followers and Brick was already challenging him, he ultimately gets some attention too. They sort of team up and become a duo, but they ensure that they’re still rivals. Inevitable though, they become friends, hang out a lot, sing and dance, like normal trolls. Brick teaches Floyd some specific things about rock and Floyd tells him about his tribe and brothers. Brick would be the devastated when Floyd got kidnapped and would be the last to stop searching. (Never stopped hoping he was alive though). Of course though, he is a rock troll and theres no way he would show how much he cares about Floyd.
Im currently working on colored designs of Brick and Rock!Floyd
#trolls#trolls movie#trolls band together#trolls world tour#floyd trolls#trolls oc#trolls art#fanart#trolls fanart#trolls fandom#branch trolls#rock trolls#rock troll floyd#headcanon
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im not the best at solving for clues and all this, but i noticed some (admittedly obvious) loose threads on “findjackwalten.com”
nothing too serious but, it's always intrigued me how on "findjackwalten.com/brightonghosts", following the link on "can a Ghost KILL me? redirects to, not one of the explanation paragraphs written by y, that all the others do, but to "findjackwalten.com/missing"
Missing has been updated a couple times:
originally, in 2021, the page had an image of cut up paper shreds a distorted face (believed to be the face of Charles Brook) it also had text off to the side saying "did you forget about me?"
a second update was done, removed the image and stated “ill see you soon”
the third update showed a cracked, presumably porcelain, baby face
and as of current, the website is blank
could this mean anything?
i don’t really have any theories, but considering all the links on BrightonGhosts either aren’t real or lead to similar silly web pages and then “can a ghost KILL you” becomes so much more serious? it really stuck out to me.
My first thought went to Jack when i saw “missing” cuz duh (i personally think jack is still alive though), then the letter to Felix asking about a missing Susan, who, we know, was killed by bon. With the knowledge of “Bon” from twf4 being the most ghost-like character in the series thus far i feel like this could be hinting at bon potentially not being possessed by a person and instead an entity or whatever, a “ghost” could equally be a dead person though so i might be wrong
whether it means anything or not i’ve never heard anyone talk about this before so i thought i’d post this
(all images from the fandom wiki lol)
#the walten files#walten files#twf#twf 4#twf bon#susan woodings#analog horror#brightonghosts#findjackwalten#findjackwalten.com is so complex i hate it#charles brook
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I'm wondering what's the story behind your love for Shisui? :3 What are the moments that make you fall so hard for him? Ramble away I won't mind long answer~ (expecting long one hehehe)
oh girliieee, you are asking the easiest and most dangerous question for a fan girl. 💕😍
soooo… hmm…
this all started when i was 15 years old. I was reading the naruto manga and was catching up on chapters that i had missed. I was reading about Itachi’s lore and how he and shisui were close , and looking into Shisui’s story and how his ideals and motivations had left an imprint in the universe of Naruto and shifted the ties of the war, I was so astounded by how much of an impact he had while not even being alive.
Looks aside because he’s just sooooo beautiful and soooo cute .. 🥰 he truly is a great character overall; he’s kind, thoughtful, outgoing , and is wholehearted. We see this with his interactions with Itachi and Sasuke , inclusion with other characters. He genuinely is such an amazing character and his personality is honestly what drew me to him as well, he’s so loyal to Itachi and his own goals that made me think, “Well, he would be like that with me!!”
I also met his voice actor back in august ( got his autograph, he was literally sooo nice i almost crumbled when he remembered me because i came back to see him again! 💕 i had butterflies!!) that just hyped up my love for him even more to the highest degree—to the moon and stars—ever since then i’ve been floating on cloud nine with my love for Shisui. I always loved him, always will. nothing will ever weaver my heart! 💕🍓😌
I also made an OC for Shisui ONLY—no other character just him—and her name is Rei and her existence is only for Shisui. I used to be heavily involved with RPG and I would be Rei , i remember i met this Shisui roleplayer and ever since then i’ve only shipped her with him. ( i left the community because it’s just filled with weirdos lol and it’s overwhelming at times the amount of DMs) but while being there in RP I realized no one roleplayed Shisui ever , because he wasn’t had known sadly — so i was never up to shipping my character with anyone ever due to the fact that they were not Shisui lmaoo crazy i know but i was and still am obsessed.
i truly love how his dojutsu is just the most powerful in the verse! He’s so strong and i wish he can protect me! I play him in the Storm games, his first appearance was Storm Revolution and the other games was Storm 4, so ever since then I play him religiously and switch to Tsunade or Sakura occasionally , but i mainly play Shisui , i love his move set, the combos I love his voice , and i truly love how he and flicker around the arena it just looks so cool i truly love it so much! I play him like i love him! 🍓🍓😍😍 i don’t see many people play him sadly soooo… im trying to be a sweat try hard with Shisui lmfao
hmm..
I don’t have anything else in mind ..
ohh
i have a shisui shirt
and a shisui night light lmfao
and now an autograph singed by the VA
i now need a body pillow
and .. a figurine! i need a figurine!!
that’s it for now.. can’t think of anything else
😍😍🥰🥰💕❤️❤️ ily sm this was fun to write
a very cute question
xoxo
Peach
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💞 but really I just want to know what you think of ur mutuals ^^
anon. look what u made me do.
ask game
💞 : @ your favorite blog
if you weren’t on this list know I love you !! I just have bad memory <3 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER !!
@causenessus was the first mutual on this blog I actually talked to / interacted with and her tags for white denim overalls really solidified the fact that I wanted to be part of this community <3 ily ness !!!! anon you didn’t ask but I’m going to list my favorite works from these people too lol
new grounds I think about every 4 business days, and how they comfort you (I’m definitely biased) is so well written and heartfelt !!
@mitskicain is cheating in this thread bc she’s my irl but also quite literally my favorite person alive even tho she NEVER REPLIES WITHIN THE SAME DAY (stuck up, I know) — and if ur into ken sato she’s a great pick !! she has some haikyuu works coming soon too <3
@mollyrolls . the barney to my ted. i love her so bad u guys have no idea I miss her whenever she’s not on here n I’m so grateful they exist </3 molly if u see this u didn’t read that. i hate you i hate you i hate you I hate you hey cupid! is my favorite rendition? version? take..?? on iwa on this app (I’ve said that already) & all shades of blue is criminally underrated
I CAN TELL THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INSANELY LONG POST IM SO SORRY 💔💔💔💔💔
@nectardaddy is an incredible writer and person all around I still can’t fathom that they’re in my dms. dodger u are insane and i love u
88 ford is a well known obsession of mine !! if dodger is the president of the ‘GET UP’ / down bad club consider me the vice president. OH AND IM SO EXCITED FOR I HATE YOUR GUTS
@sweetfushi , the akaashi to my bokuto — sweetest person ever, is one of my only jjk moots and put me onto the show itself 😭🤍 I can’t pick a specific favorite but the way she writes nanami is perfect to me !!! there’s also mha and haikyuu on her page go take a look <3
@kuroppiii RO. THE PATRICK TO MY ART. my favorite film freak on this app. they have a challengers inspired miya twins fic that takes up 90% of the space in my brain. if u don’t go read right NOWWW I’m coming for u and ur family
@sandwhitches IS SOOO FUCKING UNDERRATED her smau dedication is everything. PLUS MY TWIN FLAME HELLO I LOVE U MITCH !!! ur humor is top tier and I’ve never clicked with anyone as quick as I have with you ugh — read on sight or it’s on sight 💥👊
@guitarstringed-scars I haven’t interacted with u as much as I’d wish to but MO UR SO COOL !!! ur movie taste is everything to me and raven’s eye diner is such a creative piece of work and so so fun to read ,, I have to sit down and grab a snack whenever I do
@cr4yolaas is legendary for making mezzo forte I owe u my life rye. I’m so serious rn I was hooked from blue spring (which I still haven’t finished bc i don’t want it to end rip) and I’ll be staying a fan forever!! ur blog is a blessing to this community
@/yenonoff is on a hiatus and I don’t want to bother her but she’s a great rec if u like haikyuu AND eye candy when u read. her blog is just so nice to look at and i miss her terribly
not being on this does NOT mean I don’t like u pleaaaase know I love all of my mutuals dearly n cherish every interaction I have with u all
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I'm still not 100% sure whether I'm aro or hyper-romantic or if the difference even matters..
me: haha i love my friends (: there's nothing I'd do for a lover i wouldn't do for a dear friend of mine if i think they're cute
> finds out i can love my friends like my lovers and hasn't wanted to “date” anyone in like a year
> treats my lovers and friends the same way and just acts according to each's boundaries
like. literally did not realize until my 29th year of being alive that i was ace bc it's subtle as hell to pick up on if you do have sex. and im just like. i just want to spend my life with everyone who matters to me idc about the semantics or labels I WILL LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART TO THE FULLEST IF YOU LET ME!!!!!!!!!!
there's probably better ways to articulate this but idk lol i just wonder if my perception of romantic feelings isn't actually what everyone else experiences as “romantic feelings”..... the same way i didn't know i was missing sexual attraction bc no one ever stopped to ask me if i actually do like having sex and what i like about it specifically.... like relationships?? LOVE having a web of relationships, but being IN one?? idk 😬 over a decade of monogamy has left me with thoughts and feelings™, mostly being i rly do not care about that and just... want to love my friends and find some friends i can get Real close to, who for all intents and purposes are basically my lovers but aren't actually my partners ykwim.........?? idk................ idk, anyways. Am I Aro Day #462, STATUS: UNKNOWN
#what's funny is as soon as i found out I'm ace i spent the next 24-48 hours like omg am i aro too??#before being like “╰( ̄ω ̄o) nah i wanna be romantic w hella people” do i?? is being sweet and vulnerable and intimate not#the same thing?? being nice 2 each other and doing things bc they like it and wanting to make them happy??#but i can do these things with friends?? do u understand me...... i don't think romance is a measure of how much u care#but i care sm about sm people im just like..... hello ..? IDK!!!!!!!#at least this isn't driving me as crazy as trying to figure out whether i was ace or not 💀
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juju walk with me rinne fucking milf reader hes putting her in her place do u see the vision
alternatively chubby chaser sylvain with mean reader talkin abt how he needs to breed her nd break her so shes the perfect housewife... if u dont fw sylvain like dat anymore u can insert anyone else im just thinking about mean men putting me in my place
here we are walking together my sweet anon...
it is so personally annoying to me when characters have canon parents because i'm like How am i supposed to make reader (insert character here's) mom for nefarious fanfiction purposes when (insert character here) already has canon parents :rolling_eyes: this is the pitfall i'm currently experiencing with trying to make alhaitham fuck (You) as kaveh's mom :p same goes for niki right now LOL how can i make rinne fuck niki's mother when the latter already has a canon alive mom... my life is so hard
at any rate... taking the stereotype of "you young folk don't know anything and we, your elders (was born in 1982) have leagues more life experience than you" and flipping it on its head with rinne and an older lady reader. he's not someone who particularly enjoys being belittled or talked down to, so i think having a superior that acts haughtier and a ridiculous amount wiser than him would really get under his skin :p
recently, i've been enjoying salaryman/office employee rinne under the guise of "sometimes it's fun to put characters in settings where you would not expect to see them" because while we anticipate somebody as boisterous and ridiculous as rinne in a setting like idol work or, hell, even an upperclassman/superior setting simply on the account of him being a more confident and outgoing personality, i don't think we can easily envision him in something as monotonous and boring as office life, lol. i think an older (maybe mid-late 20s) rinne stuck in a boring office job he can't stand because life often takes you in places you don't really wanna be paired with an older, steadfast, mature 40s-something office manager would be impossibly delicious. taking out his frustration with his boring life and stupid job, trying to relive the ecstasy and carefreeness of his younger years, and putting a woman who can't seem to do much else besides belittle him all in one fell swoop... are you still with me
SYLVAIN!!!!! HOW I MISS SYLVAIN!!!!! THE NTR AWAKENING EVER!!!!!!! sylvain needs to meet a woman that (keyword: attempts) attempts to put him in his place since he clearly enjoys the challenge of a woman telling him what to do when he's usually the one to tell them what to do and make them feel miserable, lol. why are you even trying to tell him off, anyways? you acting like you're different than other women he's dated in the past just gets on his nerves-- admit you're in it for the pleasure of fucking nobility and move on so both you and him can get on with your lives already. that's fine, that's fine-- out of the goodness of his kind and generous heart and sweet and gentle spirit, he'll give you a little hands-on training himself.
#sylvain AND rinne omg youre a longtime fan...#flattering to know people who have been here for a minute are still here today... weve been through so much around here#chats#spicy
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WOOOHOOOO IM ALLOWED TO ASK ALOT OF QUESTIONS YIPEEEE!!!!!
▪︎Do you have any fandom ocs but ARENT lethal company that youd ever like to talk about :0?
▪︎What ever happened to Jawbreaker's (your sona) homeplanet after he left, I remember the story was he was exceptional but insubordinate so like, did anyone get fired for letting that guy just scramble away
▪︎who is your favourite oc presently! :3 and have you any miscellaneous facts about them?
▪︎what's in the gyatt folder
▪︎ since Metronoia (I hope I spelled that right from memory) is a dimension/reality hopper, how does other realities effect his state of being, has there ever been a reality the guy found unpleasant or dare I say scary‼‼‼‼‼‼‼😲
CRAKCING FINGERS. YUES. I LOVE BEING AUTISTIC ABOUT MY OWN CHARACTERS.
Yes, I do ! I have some roblox ocs, two being for the game Regretevator ! Broseth is just a completely original guy that I had created based off one of my avatars, and Gamma Ray was kinda ... a shameless semi-self insert character to be buddies with one of my favorite characters in game (Mach)
I also have this guy, Tixton ! Based off the now deceased roblox currency, he was apart of a friend roblox oc group called Investors ! There's a long story to it all, but Tixton's whole deal was him being an undead ghost guy that was so hellbent on the idea of being alive again (he died with the removal of tix, and was young when that happened) that he basically tried to steal someone's body. I seem to have a liking for making undead / weirdly semi-undead characters, huh
Moving on from roblox, here's Bumbo ! A guy that was originally made for a fanbase I really don't wanna name, but has now been converted into a BBIEAL / Baldi mod oc ! Originally I was gonna kinda leave him the dirt after leaving aforementioned unnamed fandom, but my boyfriend helped me redesign him for his own Baldi mod / fangame ^_^ <3 Now he is my bumbling sweet baby boy
Now moving to . Ourple FNF ... ? There was this guy I created, Aerguhbee ! Though, I very much fell off of keeping up with Ourple / FNF stuff in general for a lot of reasons, I still kinda like this guy. He had a bit of a sloppy story, and it never really was even completed, but from what I remember- he was a trapped soul within a security monitor, killed in his place of work as a nightguard. The monitor served as an eternal purgatory for him called 'Moire Edge'. He was able to manifest a form outside of the monitor in order to lure others into his forever limbo, under the guise of becoming friends. If anything, I might just bring back this guy as a wholly original character since I do still kinda fuck with him
And, before going onto the next question (FINALLY), I'll throw in a bonus : Deacon originally wasn't LC related ! He was a Toontown : Corporate Clash oc, which is such a MAJOR contrast compared to how he is now LOL . I don't think he really had much of story when he was a TT:CC character, besides the fact of being secretly miserable about his job, but I think that's really it. I'll admit I kinda miss his really bright yellow, but I am so much more happier with him now (featuring my toon sona / oc in the last pic but this ain't about him)
As for Jawbreaker's home planet, they most likely are continuing on their lives as normal. Metsu probably does wonder where he went off to, but hey- not their problem anymore. As for what happened to the guards that failed to capture him again after his prison escape, they most likely were shattered (killed) and their resources recycled
THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. I think it's also just because all my original ocs are very personal to me and I genuinely treat them as parts of myself segmented into their own stories and worlds. Though, if I really have to pick one, I think it would be my art deity guy- which, I am kinda getting tired of just saying that, so I'll just say his name : Abstrakt Mondrian. He is very much an oc of mine that I hold close to my heart, especially considering his story deals with grief, and it almost sounds stupid to say he is an oc of mine that has helped me through a lot ? Also, design wise, I just really like him. Like, I'm not fucking joking when I say that I've had this guy for 4-ish years and his design has barely changed at ALL . It's crazy
Metanoia jumping to different dimensions does very much fuck up his appearance, and there have been a couple places he's found very dissatisfying or horrifying ! These dimensional distortions don't last whenever he exits the dimension that causes it, but it's not that pleasant for him in the moment. These distortions can range from very minimal things, things he can handle, such as a simple change of colors or height, to distortions that almost make him unrecognizable and feel uncomfortable in his own body. Here are some quick examples I did of those !
( Btw, distortions can be fucking crazy. The main thing about them is they could be literally any style and still work, so if anyone wants to take a crack at one you can literally go insane and do whatever LOL )
#oc#ill tag this as oc for once. im tagging all the fandom stuff though lol#plekase ask me more about my ocs i love answering and infodumping so fuckinj bad
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Hi guys
Ik I went severely inactive and I’m not here to stay just wanted to drop this to say I’m alive and ikemen still has a chokehold on me <3
I left v unexpectedly due to some very big mental needs i had to prioritize lol alongside being severely broke and having all my artistic motivation drained from me due to being swamped in commissions 😭 it’s been bout a year since I actually drew anything I’ve wanted to or had any desire to draw out of my own volition at all
I’m gonna be more stable-ly back starting 2025 cuz I’m moving to Mexico for the next couple years and won’t be making art 💀 who knows who’s gonna be around then but I thought I’d leave this here in case anyone’s wonderinggg
Im gonna be on this acc for the rest of the month before I go :p because I’m starved for my bois
Currently playing Comte cuz there are so many routes for me to catch up on. I missed Comte so much bro 😭 I love him wirh all my heart ahahgshgshgdhdhhd
#cybird ikemen#artwork#drawing#digital art#ikemen vampire#ikevamp fan art#ikevamp comte#magnumxopus stuff
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i understand its all joaks and its lighthearted out of love for this character but it is a little sad to see things like laios being a minimum wage worker and having no friends being described as him being a loser when theyre extremely common autistic experiences 💔 because to be honest i think youre really cool and a great writer and i would like to interact more but it makes me go, is that what you would think of me? my life situation’s not too different from that. anyways i hope you have a nice day <3
no not at all I genuinely like being mean to Laios so take everything I say about him with the world's biggest effing grain of salt because I am just. mean to him in particular lol. i like to kick him when he's down. (evil and mean but to blonde men in particular)
but like. i am not cool at all. like...........ill put it under the cut but yeah.
real shit under the cut bc this ask is making me think! im gonna be real w u nonnie
tl:dr if u dont wanna see whats under the cut:
this ask kinda makes me think bc. i think im really mean to laios too bc he reminds me of myself beforehand (zero self confidence and suicidal idealization) sigh and I really hate being reminded of that. so. again. im really biased when it comes to him specifically and that doesn't apply to you or any of my followers.
and for what its worth i am sorry for making you feel that way.
but also. i gotta say I can 100% relate to him and you. this time last year I was working at Starbucks ( i could only tolerate 4 hour shifts bc i would get overstimulated and my coworkers lowkey hated me.) and had like. 1 friend from high school and the years before that I spent turbo online being constantly pushed out of friend groups bc i could NEVER get anything right socially. I swear the first 23 years of my life I never lived. i went thru hs and college as a fucking. like. creature I felt like i couldnt connect w anyone because I was too tormented by adhd + autism and i was INSANELY depressed and coping w lack of control by having an eating disorder and being doped the fuck up on stimulants. (MY PCP gave me 56 mg of concerta and 5mg booster of adderall i was fucking tweaking on the daily </3)
but like. i started going to therapy and a psychiatrist who made me quit cold turkey for my own good and we started treating my depression and debilitating anxiety (i was convinced a stranger was living in my house in secret but also that everyone in public who saw me was revolted by me and genuinely wanted me to kill myself jkdhsfskdjh i told you i was tweaking)
anyways. i was a druggie with no goal in life and living in my own head and now like. i can look at myself in the mirror and not think "hey. this fat ugly piece of shit should genuinely die" and now people in real life LIKE me. I have friends. multiple friend groups, actually. WITH NOT JUST ND PEOPLE. LIKE, A LOT OF THEM ARE NEUROTYPICAL. And i am very open about being autistic with them and i dont have to mask.
and they still like me! and invite me places! and genuinely want to hang out with me! and they think im smart and get uncomfortable when I say im stupid or too autistic to like. be able to be in public.
it still feels like a dream and in my mind im like "they actually are gonna drop you and make fun of you for thinking they were ever your friends" or like "theyre just doing this bc of the stupid buddy system shit or they think you're a pet this is highschool all over again"
but even tho im haunted by this. its....I can say with confidence its not true.
anyways. i know people say this shit all the time but I will say you are very capable of love and not a loser or anything like that. the thing you're missing out on is the right people. i didnt believe this for most of my life and tried to get myself killed because of it but im glad I didn't because it is genuinely true.
i have spent the last <1 year of my life genuinely being alive. and i wouldn't trade it for anything. idk if thats a sign for anyone yeah. take it
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some stuff regarding dawntrail now that ive finished and had time to collect my thoughts, spoilers up to the very end inbound of course. sorry if its long i have many MANY a thought.
ok so i wanna preface by saying i DID like dawntrail. i love wuk lamat and i cried like 3 or 4 times, tural is a great location and it was very fun to meet all the different kinds of npcs there
HOWEVER theres some things that kinda feel awkwardly paced? if i can be completely honest, it feels like the first half and the second half of the msq are two entirely different plotlines that were smushed together. and this isnt even saying that everkeep/sphene/s9 are "too different" because its not even an aesthetic issue for me, its moreso the themes presented first half? a little slow but in a GOOD way, helps you get a feel for the land and the people and shows wuk lamat's growth. the succession plotline feels like a whole, coherent thing. i like it. as soon as thats over and you hit shaaloani though, its slow and quite literally filler aside from a few tidbits for erenville. it felt awkward how it was trying to show xak tural culture, but also heavilyyy favored screentime for the "cowboy" stuff over the hhetsarro (who also very much live in shaaloani and are part of tural), who we spent practically 1 quest with and it was to ask them for lumber. and THEN it goes right from that to a high-stakes plot with zoraal ja's attack and heritage found and everything progressing after that. on its own the plot has potential... but by living memory i got the impression that everything from the end of shaaloani and refitting the train to running through the memories of alexandria, it just felt like it was trying to be Shadowbringers 2/Endwalker 2. and it wasnt really working out the same. "a society faced a calamity and a leader figure cant let go of the past and will gladly sacrifice other worlds to keep the memory of their people alive/go back to how things used to be. theres also a city full of people that arent alive and are just memories. also you get to run through a dungeon that shows the destruction of the past world that said leader figure cant let go of." like thats just the ascians and emet and amaurot right there. we KNOW how this stuff goes. from endwalker and venat we learned that its impossible to strive for absolute peace and perfection and that suffering and death are unavoidable, and the importance of maintaining hope and being able to go keep going forward at those lowest points. the whole time between solution 9 and living memory i was just sitting there thinking to myself like??? have we not seen this same stuff before??? why isnt anyone saying anything??? i knowwww this is mainly wuk lamat's story and development but it felt almost wrong to have these plotlines and themes and neither the wol or any of the scions even point out how familiar it is. i was under the impression that dawntrail would be a point for the wol to take a backseat, but to ALSO use what weve learned from 1-90 to help others. i genuinely feel like they pushed the idea that this is a fresh start *too hard* and everything weve gone through as the wol emotionally feels pretty ignored. aside from the whole "oh yeah btw were super strong weve been to the edge of the universe lol dont worry lol" like i hope this doesnt come off as me hating dawntrail. because i dont, and im interested to see the extent of travel between reflections and how thats handled going forward. but i cant help but feel like something was missing in that 2nd half of the msq. i can only hope some of this stuff gets addressed in the patches, because as it stands rn, even with sphene gone solution 9 still feels weird. the theme of dawntrail wants us to respect their culture, but from past xpacs we already know that a society like that is factually not sustainable, especially when multiple npcs have already pointed out its flaws (declining birth rate, for example.) maybe thatll be resolved later, but as it stands rn, the contradictory of themes is confusing. this is getting reallllyyy long and rambling now but WHEW i just needed to get this all off my chest. on a positive note to end this, im very much enjoying the dungeons and combat so thats been good.
tl;dr, 1st half of msq good, 2nd half confusing, combat good.
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six sentence sunday !! nobody tagged me, i just wanted to do it LOL but i've not seen anyone be tagged for this so im going to tag people for once :-3 this could be for sketches or writing so i'm tagging: @boltgunkiller @cryscendo @kurtsascot @unholy-fabray @porcelainvino and anyone else who wants to participate!!
this is . way more than six sentences, and is more like seven paragraph sunday ^^; but this is an excerpt from lis au ch2 :-D
Blaine looked in the corner, their corner. Empty. He smiled. A jukebox stood right by the booth he and Kurt always sat at. It hadn't worked for years, and he doubted Carole got it fixed, but it added to the atmosphere. Music still played, but he could spot speakers tucked sneakily where the ceiling met the walls. An Amy Whitehouse song was on. He slid into his seat. From where the booth was, the music was never too loud or too quiet. He thought they picked the best seats in the diner. He looked down at the table, the wood pattern so familiar he thought he could still trace it from memory. A small piece of graffiti was etched into the corner. It was hardly able to be seen, so much so that Blaine doubted Carole had even noticed, and she'd been working here for as long as he was alive. In the tiny handwriting of a twelve year old Kurt Hummel, Blaine read, 'K + B' and smiled. His head shot up when the sound of heels clicking started approaching him. Those heels were the same, too– black slip ones with an incline of only about an inch or two. They belonged to Carole Hudson. Sure enough, she was standing right by his table. Her hair was different now (it was dark brown when it used to be primarily blonde), and she looked older, but otherwise, she was just like she was five years prior. She was dressed in her work uniform, a light blue pencil skirt that was just a few shades off from the seats with a matching button-up and a white apron to complete the look. Her own personal touches to the outfit, black tights and a hair tie to pull her cropped hair back, were the same as always. She held a pot of coffee and a white mug in her hands. “Blaine,” she greeted warmly, “I haven't seen you in ages! It's nice to see you again.” She set down the mug in front of him. She poured the coffee into it. Hot steam rose into the air as it filled the cup, and the scent of freshly roasted coffee became stronger. “It's nice to see you, too, Miss Hudson,” he replied politely. Carole turned the coffee pot upright again, stopping the flow. She put one hand on her hip. “I told you when you were younger, and I'll tell you now, just Carole is fine,” she reminded. “You're grown up now, too, right?” He nodded. His hands wrapped around the mug. Warmth spread through him. “Legally, sure,” he said with a joking tone. “I'm eighteen.”
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Had a horrible last week. Decided on Thursday last week I need some days off from work. Took off from Monday to Wednesday. So glad I listened to the signals my body was sending.
From Thursday last week on Friday I slept 9h and I had almost 4h of deep sleep.
Then from Friday to Saturday I slept 11h I defo needed that.
Today I had a pots episode and almost fainted in the staircase hallway and I barely managed to get in the apartment. I immediately laid down on the carpet till my stupid heart calmed the fuck down. Took at least 45min for my pulse to calm down.
I then took my meds bcs I forgotten my morning medicine. Idek if it helps me tho. It’s Concor-cor 2.5mg pill and the other one in the evening is Co-Prenessa 4mg/1,25mg
Any fellow Potsies , what meds are you guys taking?
Im still feeling weakened from the pots episode. Any activity is taking a huge toll on me.
Proud of myself I managed to go to the corner store to get some stuff, wash the laundry and hang the laundry up to dry, bring garbage out.
Im glad I have one more day off and I’m only going back to work on Thursday. Then basically 2 days of work and again weekend which sounds good to me.
Might be that I feel so weak atm as well bcs of period not sure how much that is affecting Pots 🤔
Besides of this my fibro is flaring up as well and my p.a as well 😭 My hands hurt so badly the wrists and my arms feel cold as fuck and tingling >:((
Anyway, I’m alive! Idk if anyone missed me on this blog lol but I’m back by no one’s demand ahaha :p
#unfiltered realities#everyday echoes#echoes echo of today#echo rambling#unfiltered life#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#mental health#chronically ill#mental illness#potsyndrom#potsawareness#potsie#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#constantly fatigued#vasovagal syncope#spoonie#cripplepunk#cripple punk#adulting while being chronically ill#existing is exhausting#fibromyalgia#psoriatic arthritis#spondyloarthritis
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JNVEFOHBEFVQRUHBQVFUHBQCVGIU2FHBU3RGNJI3VRJNI3QRVFIJN2CRBOH2HBOV3RJN 3RV I JUST READ UR FALLOUT FIC!!! OMGOMGOMGOMG I LOVED IT!! PLS TALK TO ME MORE ABOUT FOUND FAMILY WITH THEM BC I WROTE MY OWN FIC, AND IM GONNA BE WRITING MORE ABOUT THEM AND I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THEM!! sorry its in all caps, im really excited
NEVER apologize for all caps and excitement!!!! in this house we lose our minds over found family dynamics TOGETHER and we are NOT calm about it lmao
under the read more because spoilers and also i got long winded (shocker)
ugh but literally. i need to do a rewatch because fallout is definitely one of those "watch once to get your brain blasted, watch a second time to catch all the little hints you missed the first time around" kind of shows, and also i just. NEED to watch this again with the full knowledge that cooper's been hunting down his family this whole time. yeah we knew cooper was a dad from the beginning but for us, at first, the logical assumption is that his wife and daughter must be long gone by now! it's been 219 years! it's not until the last episode or two that we start realizing that a lot of people from Before are still kicking around, and that cooper KNOWS that, and that the one thing keeping him going for longer than anyone else is the fact that he wants to see his wife and daughter again. the angst potential of this has me foaming at the mouth, by the way, and that's without even considering lucy yet
like, what's his plan? find janey and barb and... pick up where they left off? maybe two centuries of nuclear fallout will patch up his relationship with his ex-wife? how does he even know they weren't both unfrozen and lived their whole lives without him and died already? (i'll argue that he has not even considered that possibility, and will not, because that'll break him.) and say he does find them, and they're alive. maybe they haven't even been unfrozen yet and he can be the one to wake them up. ideal scenario, right? but will they even recognize him anymore? not just by his physical appearance, either! he is not the same person he was before the bombs fell, not by a longshot! janey's dad wasn't a ruthless mercenary bounty hunter who does what he has to do to survive and makes jerky out of human meat and sells random women to organ harvesters to get drugs! he was a guy who loved his dog and loved his family and who was so morally upright that he didn't even want to fake shoot a guy in a movie, because he believes that's not who his character is. and don't even get me STARTED on the fact that The Ghoul is a character to begin with, it's an act, because he's an actor who fell into this role because i guess it was easiest to survive that way, which means that at heart The Ghoul is also not someone who should be shooting guys. the kindheartedness is there under about 219 years of irradiated, decaying skin. but it's there
and then we get lucy, who's very deliberately written as his echo, a kindhearted morally upright person who doesn't want to let the wasteland change her, and i'll bet MONEY that as the series progresses cooper's gonna have to watch as it really doesn't change her. sure, she'll bite a guy's finger off in self defense, and yeah, she'll mercy kill a ghoul that's way past saving. but through it all she's going to try so hard to do the right thing, every single time, and i'm TELLING you, it's not so much that cooper's gonna get dragged back kicking and screaming into being a good person again, but it's more like he's gonna just start being better. it'll be kickstarted by lucy's influence and the fact that he cannot suppress the dad instincts to save his life, but the reason it'll really stick is because that's his natural setting! whether he wants to admit it or not!
anyway. uh. i ranted about this more than i meant to LOL but please always feel free to shout at me about grumpy morally gray old men allowing fatherhood to gently tug them closer and closer to the neutral good square on a dnd alignment chart. gets me every time
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